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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653340 | [S1] And yet she's, she's door stepping Mel Robbins in an airport. And I, I'm telling you now, as a banker, she's got a couple of dollars, you know, probably. But she will probably become the dad in that example and ruminate over that decision for three years. She might go and find, try working with kids yesterday and ... | 26.08 | 3.363826 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653340.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653341 | [S1] ... that you're seeking, is to... [S2] Fail at the thing you're doing, which is banking. [S1] Fa- Fail. [S2] Or fail at teaching. [S1] Fail, failing, or trying something new. We can find the right answer in a world that is so nuanced and ever-changing, not by reading a book or door-stepping melon in an airport, bu... | 18.4 | 3.180109 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653341.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653342 | [S1] conducting an experiment in your life, which means taking that first step. And I'll, my whole thesis for why any of the companies I run will be ex, be successful is because we out-fail the competition. Any of my businesses, I can tell you how many experiments my head of experimentation and failure conducted this w... | 24 | 3.099925 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653342.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653343 | [S1] I'll tell you. So convention says, for example, that two people in a relationship, I don't know, have to sleep in the same bed at night. But if you reason from first principles, first principles basically like something that you know to be true about now and your situation. [S2] Okay. Okay. [S1] Which is if you re... | 25.64 | 3.309124 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653343.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653344 | [S1] mine and my girlfriend's relationship is that we have different chronotypes. A chronotype basically dictates the time when you are activated, you're creative, what time you wake up in the morning when you get hungry. [S2] Does that mean like a night person versus a morning person? [S1] Yeah. | 15.44 | 3.334647 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653344.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653345 | [S1] Yeah. [S2] Okay. [S1] Yeah. And then that has implications for how you sleep. So, my girlfriend is a whale chronotype, which basically means she goes to bed at like 9pm, she gets up at 6. Uh, actually- [S2] Same. [S1] I'm an owl, which means that I go to bed at 1 or 2am and I get up at about 8 or 9. Kinda just let... | 19.12 | 3.286655 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653345.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653346 | [S1] That's one first principle. We have different chronotypes. First principle number two is that so many relationships end, according to Math- Matthew Walker, who's the sleep expert, about, I think he said 10 to 20% of relationships can be linked back to sleep issues. Couples not sleeping problem, properly, which cau... | 28.52 | 3.057236 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653346.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653347 | [S1] ... the restorative sleep happens about 60 minutes into the cycle when you go into stage four, which is REM sleep. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, so, but also, most of the REM sleep, and those sleep cycles get shorter late at night. So if I go to bed at 2 a.m., it's by- | 16.68 | 3.310237 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653347.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653348 | [S1] 6, 7 a.m. that my sleep cycles are really, really short. They go down from like 19 minutes to like 45 minutes. All of my restorative sleep is happening between the hou- most of it is happening between the hours of 6 and 9. So in that example, if my girlfriend wakes up at 6, she can destroy 50% of my restorative sl... | 29.56 | 3.246244 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653348.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653349 | [S1] So, yeah. [S2] Amazing. [S1] So we have a spare. I sleep in a different bed. What I need to tell you- [S2] And it sounds like it's a great thing for your- [S1] It's a great relationship. Yeah. [S2] It's a great thing. | 9.64 | 2.824907 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653349.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653350 | [S1] 'Cause we don't have insecurity. The insecurity comes from external narrative. It comes from, "Well, if he's sleeping in that room over there, then he doesn't love you." Of course I fucking love you. Where did you get that nonsense from? Instagram. And it's the same thing with our lives. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, ... | 26.4 | 3.208013 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653350.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653351 | [S1] Wow. [S2] It's how I build all my businesses, it's how I run everything in my life, is just the assumption that I probably don't know the right answer, and convention probably doesn't either. [S1] But if I actually sit down with a blank piece of paper and I go first principles. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Which are the things... | 23.52 | 3.371351 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653351.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653352 | [S1] How would you advise someone who's listening to this and they're like, but I don't trust myself, but I have a string of examples of how I've blown it. [S2] Evidence. You have a string of evidence about how you've blown it. [S1] Yes. So how- | 16.04 | 3.476474 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653352.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653353 | [S1] Yes. So how do you, how do you, what would be like the, just the next right step for somebody who's like, I'm in, I wanna go off the cliff, I wanna erase the circle, I wanna sell the pack of cigarettes, I really want a breakthrough. [S2] Yeah. [S1] In testing what I believe about myself. Is there a, is there a, a ... | 22.24 | 3.38421 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653353.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653354 | [S1] Yeah, so I think that going off the cliff analogy is so terrifying that it's inaccessible. And this is part of the reason why I think people don't act in line with the person they want to be because they see it as climbing Mount Everest. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] They, they, they can see Amel Robbins at the top of the mou... | 22.76 | 3.34209 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653354.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653355 | [S1] Break it down into little pebbles so it doesn't feel like Mount Everest. And for me, that's how I've taken on some of my biggest challenges in life. Um, it has to start with an action that sometimes feels count- contrary to how you feel, something you said as well. [S2] Right. [S1] You can't rely on emotion to get... | 24.64 | 3.286008 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653355.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653356 | [S1] pissing my pants and running out the room after delivering a talk. I then went back onto the stage a couple of days later. I ran out of the room and the piece of paper I was given, my hands were shaking so much- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that I couldn't read it, so I just made up the words. [S2] Yep. [S1] Blurted out th... | 13.64 | 3.122439 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653356.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653357 | [S1] The, the reason why I can then speak in Sao Paulo with Obama in a big arena of tens of thousands of people is because I put myself in situations, whether small or big, to counteract my existing evidence. And something a friend once said to me recently was, "The reason we don't do that, the reason we don't take tha... | 28.4 | 3.329066 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653357.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653358 | [S1] And you, let's go to the example of the banker. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Right? Who thinks she wants to be a teacher. And I can imagine her on a, standing on a piece of paper with a circle around her. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And the first step is not quitting the banking job. The first step, which literally takes her out of that... | 29.84 | 3.245394 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653358.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653359 | [S1] the train has left the station. And it's that, that for me is, is starting the business. Um, but people don't see that as, they think they have to launch this website and hire these people. [S2] Oh, hold on. I want to make sure everybody just got that. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] So Stephen has launched and sold multiple bu... | 25.52 | 3.373983 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653359.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653360 | [S1] Is that the way that he gets out of the ideation stage and the I should start a business stage, or maybe I'm going to get into, uh, this collaborative workspace, uh, business until community. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Isn't that what it's called? [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] Until community? Um, is he goes to Instagram and creat... | 27.28 | 3.435406 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653360.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653361 | [S1] If you look at my, I've never written a business plan in my life. I don't know where that, where people get, get this business plan stuff from. I've never written one in my life and I don't intend to start now. If you look at my phone, which is in the room behind you, you'll see a bunch of Instagram pages for busi... | 29.16 | 3.209341 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653361.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653362 | [S1] Right? And then step two is the next thing. This is how you started in social media. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So when you were 21, right? Weren't you 21 years old? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And so would you please tell, give that example of how you just got started, of you made yourself a promise, 7 p.m., 8 p.m. [S2] What post, wh... | 28.04 | 3.380515 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653362.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653363 | [S1] People use the word wise or they use these words that are like, they describe me as being older. It's purely because I feel like I've got more wisdom out of every day that I've lived because of this introspection. Um, it's the single greatest hack that any, I could give to any young person or old person in the wor... | 24.64 | 3.214019 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653363.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653364 | [S1] is, I get it, I'm going to say something here. Create a Instagram page or a Twitter account, whatever you want to do. [S2] Okay. [S1] You don't need followers, don't need to tell anybody it exists. And as you go through your day, keep notes in your phone. So you have an argument with your friend, you respond negat... | 20.08 | 3.281304 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653364.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653365 | [S1] Oh, it's the eas- the easiest thing. It's, it's, and I think it's remarkably enjoyable. I would not be in a relationship now at th- 31 years old, and I've been in the relationship for four years, super happy, gonna propose any minute now. [S2] [GASPS] Did she know that? [S1] If I hadn't- [S2] Do we have to hold th... | 29.6 | 2.917787 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653365.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653366 | [S1] I didn't understand the cycle. And then one day, in the notes of my phone, I wrote, connecting two dots, which is much easier to do when you're looking down on a piece of paper. [S2] Yes. [S1] I wrote, "Kind of feels like," referring to the feeling in my chest that I got when this girl said she wanted to be in a r... | 20.08 | 3.237263 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653366.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653367 | [S1] The minute the girl said she wanted to be in a relationship with me, I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. And the only bird, the first bird trapped in a cage I ever knew was my father. And I go, "Oh, okay." I learnt love. I learnt the model of love from watching those two go at war. And it's ingrained in me now. ... | 29.44 | 3.25819 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653367.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653368 | [S1] They are, which is crazy. They're like, they're like, um, co-inhabiting now. I, I believe because they've got no other friends and they're at a certain age, they've just made the decision to co-habit, which is, you know, not something I'd wish for myself, but... [S2] And what's your relationship like with him? [S1... | 29.64 | 3.338313 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653368.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653369 | [S1] I still think she's got some issues with money, which is difficult when your child now has a lot of it. [S2] Why, does she ask you for money? [S1] Yeah. And I will buy- [S2] Does she still have a gambling problem? [S1] I'll buy anything. I, I still think her, her sweet tooth is starting businesses that aren't gonn... | 20.48 | 3.327095 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653369.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653371 | [S1] Doing the easier thing, which is just sending this individual money. So I said to my brothers, and I've, it's a rule I have for myself, is I have to have a boundary even against my mom. And, and- [S2] Especially, honestly. [S1] Especially. [S2] And as a mother, I personally feel that it is really important that ki... | 24.96 | 3.336357 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653371.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653374 | [S1] I, I completely agree. And I think in doing so, I'm inadvertently giving my mother an opportunity to learn a lesson that I think she's not been able to learn because for 30 years my father has propped up a situation to his detriment. [S2] Yes. [S1] I'm losing all of his money, smashed up house, verge of bankruptcy... | 20.04 | 3.194569 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653374.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653375 | [S1] And so by- [S2] And neither has he, by the way. [S1] Yeah, I've got so many examples in my life. My best friend was, he was 32 years old, I was 25, I was living in a mansion. He was staying in my spare room. One day I say to him, I say, "Bro, I love you." And he, he talks about this. I say, "You gotta go." And he,... | 19.56 | 3.128582 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653375.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653376 | [S1] 100%. They're, they're unrecognizable. It baffles me. Unrecognizable. And they thank me. I apologize 'cause I'm like, "I shouldn't have let you stay in the spare room for two years." You know? [S2] Wow. [S1] So- [S2] Wow. Um, I feel like I have a master class in a million things from you. [S1] Oh, you're very kind... | 22.76 | 3.259625 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653376.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653377 | [S1] ... that we just blindly do, without stopping to ask the question. And I just want to thank you because there were so many things that made me stop and not only think, but more importantly, start asking myself different questions. [S2] Thank you. You're a huge, uh, inspiration to me for so many reasons, and I cont... | 25.96 | 3.329727 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p144_m4-dialogue_0653377.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000906 | [S1] What is narcissism? [S2] Narcissism is a personality style. Let's move the disorder piece off to the side. [S1] Every time I talk to you, I start to wonder, "Am I- | 11.56 | 3.067386 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000906.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000908 | [S1] Behavior patterns, repeated behavior patterns of somebody who's narcissistic was my own therapist. [S2] Hm. [S1] And I was talking to her about my anxiety. [S2] Good. [S1] And my grief and my confusion about this lifelong relationship with this particular person. And my therapist just flat out said, "Well, you kno... | 29.88 | 2.832139 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000908.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000909 | [S1] ... off all of these classic behavior patterns that I always thought were representative that there was something wrong with me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And then, of course, I met you weeks later. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you and I have started this conversation about narcissism. And today, where I want to start is just, l... | 21.12 | 3.218129 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000909.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000910 | [S1] Let's call it what it is, which is a personality style, and let's move the disorder piece off to the side. [S2] Okay. [S1] So narcissism is a personality style, and it would be considered a maladaptive personality style 'cause it's not good for relationships. It's a rigid personality style, like most unhealthy per... | 29.88 | 2.870167 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000910.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000911 | [S1] Really, really solid Jell-O, a little bit of flexibility for a- [S2] I thought you were talking about my waist. [S1] Yeah, I got, no. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Got a whole lot of it right here. But the, um, the narcissistic persons is like cement. There's really no move, all right? So now let's talk about what it is. It ... | 29.88 | 3.178228 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000911.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000912 | [S1] arrogance, selfishness, the need for validation and admiration, um, a need for control, a motivation, uh, by power, dominance. Again, that need for control. They envy other people or they think other people envy them. They very much often live in fantasy worlds. That's, that's sort of how it looks. [S2] Okay. [S1]... | 24.8 | 3.185087 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000912.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000913 | [S1] Let's start with the narcissistic personality style versus somebody who's just vain. [S2] Yep. [S1] Or conceited. What is the difference between somebody who's a little self-centered versus somebody that truly has a narcissistic personality style? | 14.6 | 3.239484 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000913.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000914 | [S1] It's such a great question, especially in the era of social media, right? Social media has brought the conceit and the vanity up to a level that's unparalleled in human history, right? Do you, you, you and I are old enough, do you remember back in the day we'd take a camera on vacation and we'd try to get that pic... | 29.88 | 2.963176 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000914.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000915 | [S1] ... this idea of the selfie, the performative self, the branded self, and then how much we're looked at all the time, not only by ourselves, but by everybody else, has taken vanity and almost turned it into something normative. We've got to keep that in mind, right? [S2] Okay. [S1] We have to view also narcissism ... | 29.88 | 3.099092 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000915.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000916 | [S1] ... me, isn't my dinner interesting, isn't what I did this weekend oh so interesting. Please look at me. Don't you want to hear my review of the movie? No, Siskel and Ebert, I don't. You don't know things. Please stop, but that's the world we're in. Those people are annoying. They're immature, they're emotionally ... | 29.88 | 3.181021 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000916.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000917 | [S1] So if that vain person, look at me, look at my breakfast, aren't, like, look at my shirt, look at my- [S2] Right. [S1] ... this, but they're never treating a server rudely, they wait their turn in line, they don't think they're more special than someone else, I'm gonna tell you now, I don't think they're narcissis... | 29.16 | 3.02728 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000917.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000919 | [S1] And if I think through everybody in my life that I personally believe has a narcissistic personality style, the entitlement piece is there. [S2] Yes. [S1] That there is that sense of, I deserve better. | 16.84 | 3.090927 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000919.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000920 | [S1] I deserve this, this sense of being wronged or like kind of offended if your breakfast is taking too long. [S2] Correct. [S1] Or offended if you don't do what, you know, they want you to do. And so that distinction is incredibly helpful. [S2] Yes, it, it, it's everything. 'Cause it's, it's the entitled person does... | 28.4 | 3.099444 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000920.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000922 | [S1] ... that there's entitlement that is directed at other people, like somebody that is, you know, the bartender at a bar, or somebody that is working at an airport and the line is moving too slow and they're aiming at them. But I think it is profoundly disorienting when it gets aimed at you and it's a family member.... | 20 | 3.126414 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000922.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000923 | [S1] A carrot is a carrot. [S2] Okay. Okay. [S1] Okay? It might be something in a soup, but by itself, it's a carrot. By itself, arrogance is arrogance. When you put it in there with the chicken and the broth and the celery and the stuff, now you got a soup. | 13.4 | 3.133275 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000923.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000924 | [S1] Right? So we have to remember that you gotta have the whole soup. I personally, Mel, and this is a little bit controversial, I don't believe in healthy narcissism. I know some people use that term. I'm not a fan because by definition, narcissism is unhealthy. So- [S2] Why is it unhealthy? [S1] It's unhealthy becau... | 29.88 | 3.126489 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000924.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000925 | [S1] I can't come to your birthday dinner. I have worked 16 hour days every day this week. I love you. I'd love to take you out to dinner next week. Your friend may be mad at you. I'm not saying your friend's gonna be like, "Good for you for your self-care." [S2] Right. [S1] And then you say, "I am so sorry. I am aware... | 24.08 | 3.176659 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000925.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000926 | [S1] ... those two things are true. [S2] Yes. [S1] That person's behavior, we could explain it. Again, the minutia of it, it's not acceptable. Does that make sense? Just because we can explain something doesn't make it acceptable. And I think one of the dangers of psychology is we can explain things, but we sometimes t... | 29.88 | 2.805311 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000926.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000927 | [S1] And that's hard. [S2] Yes. [S1] That's really, really hard because the other thing we're also taught is that... | 7.24 | 2.942739 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000927.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000928 | [S1] And, and, and, and again, the world of therapy is partly guilty for this, is what are you bringing to this interaction? What part are you, and think of couples therapy. What is all of couples therapy? Well, there's two people in the room, so two people must be partly responsible. I'm like, "Mm, yeah, no, no, not s... | 29.24 | 2.890616 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000928.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000929 | [S1] is using the other human being as their pacifier and punching bag. I can't get behind that. They're using you to regulate. You serve no more function. They don't see you as a human being. They see you as someone they can go off on. And now they've learned you ain't going anywhere. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So you have to ... | 28.32 | 3.281706 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000929.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000930 | [S1] Can we talk a little bit about personality styles? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] How does this happen? Like, is somebody just born this way? When does personality develop? Like, how do you become narcissistic? [S2] Mm-hmm. | 11.88 | 2.950308 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000930.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000931 | [S1] Early adversity can be one path to narcissism. [S2] So are you saying that there is a whole, uh, field of research and belief that childhood trauma creates the narcissistic personality style? [S1] It can. [S2] That it literally is almost like a symptom of complex post-traumatic stress disorder? [S1] Exactly. | 22.56 | 3.272316 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000931.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000932 | [S1] Is there an age range that this happens during? [S2] I mean, again, when we think of the core of social and emotional development, a lot of this is happening prepubescent. [S1] Wow. [S2] Around, around puberty is where the baton gets handed to the peers. [S1] Okay. [S2] Right? That's where peers- [S1] So it's just... | 16.4 | 3.059665 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000932.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000933 | [S1] 12, 13. [S2] Gotcha. [S1] Yeah, I mean, that's why for parents listening to this, this is the heavy lifting from zero to 13. Safety, consistency, emotional availability, teaching children to self-soothe, giving validity to their emotions, not making your child feel that they're loved for what they do, allowing you... | 28.32 | 2.992165 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000933.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000934 | [S1] I keep thinking about something that happened a week ago. We were, uh, away celebrating my mom's 75th, and we were checking into a hotel. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And there was a family in front of us, and they're checking in. And Dad is kind of yelling at the, uh, staff behind the counter. It's right after a big holiday... | 29 | 3.081507 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000934.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000936 | [S1] I have all these big fantasies and why isn't everything going my way? And how come everyone else gets a lucky break and nothing ever happens for me? Angry, angry, angry. Troll, troll, troll. Mean, mean, mean. That's what's sort of on the rise. And so I think that the grandiose piece is probably, oh, there's always... | 28.72 | 2.996884 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000936.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000937 | [S1] Does that make sense? Like they're able to say like, "This is fun, but I think people who already have that personality stuff churning in their adolescence, social media is the match you're throwing on the gasoline. But with no gasoline, the match is just gonna fizzle out." So all this stuff, the social-emotional ... | 29.96 | 3.084242 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000937.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000938 | [S1] That's the person who is going to love bomb and destroy someone's life in about 25 years. [S2] Well, this is super helpful to have the distinction, grandiose, 'cause I think, I, I can think of a million examples- [S1] Yes. [S2] ... of people that just display it. It's out there. I find the vulnerable narcissist th... | 28.08 | 3.272285 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000938.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000939 | [S1] Right. [S2] And the second one is, "Oh my God, you're describing my dad." [S1] Yeah. [S2] You're describing my, you're describing my son. You're describing the person I'm dating. How would you counsel someone if you're having this epiphany for the first time? [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] What are some things, like, you see t... | 20.64 | 3.035834 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000939.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000941 | [S1] Make the person's parked car about them. Does that make sense? [S2] Absolutely. I feel like I'm having a trauma response as I hear you describe this because grudge and this edge- [S1] And the suspiciousness. [S2] And that it's like happening to the- [S1] It's a- [S2] ... the traffic. It's, so many people have move... | 21.2 | 3.393654 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000941.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000943 | [S1] So, triangulation's a power move, right? So, it is a, it's, it, there's a, another piece, remember, about vulnerable narcissism is there's a lot of passive aggression there. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Right? Passive aggression's a real signature characteristic of vulnerable narcissism and things like the silent treatment a... | 29.88 | 2.874749 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000943.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000944 | [S1] So by doing this, they actually in some strange way lift themselves up. Everyone's like, "Oh, I'm so sorry. That, that person should've been more supportive. I, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Let me see if I can talk to them." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And then that person who you may actually have a good relationship... | 22.8 | 2.860122 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000944.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000945 | [S1] I mean, I, I sound like, I, I feel like you're describing a family and a parent that then goes to a sibling- [S2] Yep. [S1] ... who's mad at the other- [S2] Sibling. [S1] ... sibling, and so that sibling becomes a messenger. Friend groups- [S2] Yep. [S1] ... where the person who feels left out goes to a friend- [S... | 22.84 | 3.047129 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000945.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000946 | [S1] And then what it does though is when we really see triangulation at the highest levels- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... the narcissistic person's almost like a puppeteer pulling the strings. They get to be above it all and they get to watch all the chaos that's starting to ensue. So what was once a healthy family, healthy w... | 22.24 | 2.803442 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000946.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000948 | [S1] Oh my God. If I don't get to a bathroom, I'm going to shit my pants. [S2] Yes. [S1] Right? Think of the shame associated with that. And when you think of the shame, like I'm about to shit my pants in an airplane, in an airport, in a work meeting. Think of how you feel like you're in a panic. [S2] Well, and also th... | 23.48 | 2.919592 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000948.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000949 | [S1] ... listening to the meeting. [S2] No. [S1] You're not listening to the conversation. You're like, "I have to get to a bathroom or I'm about to embarrass the hell out of myself. This is awful." [S2] And it gets to the point where you don't even think. [S1] Right. [S2] It like overrides. [S1] Okay. | 12.56 | 2.903714 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000949.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000950 | [S1] So that diarrhea is how a narcissistic person feels every time that shame starts to come up. That's the best way I can describe. So they're just like, they're not listening to you. They're like shame coming up, but they're not, I don't even know it's shame. At least we know it's, you know, what it is, right? [S2] ... | 27.24 | 2.832495 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000950.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000951 | [S1] ... might they be feeling? [S2] They're casing the joint. You know how a, a th- a thief or a burglar walks into a place or drives by a place and they're looking for all the places they could get in. Where could they get in? Where could they get caught? Where might the money be? That's what they're doing with you e... | 29.88 | 2.946023 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000951.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000952 | [S1] a party. I, I don't like, I'm an introvert, so I don't like parties. So when I go, I try to figure out who the narcissists are so I can watch them work- [S2] How do you spot them other than the, the kid with the Versace sweatsuit on in the stroller and the mom tapping on her phone? [S1] They're the adult with the ... | 29.88 | 3.074435 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000952.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000953 | [S1] ... over to them. Like, they would just abruptly leave conversations, and then they would just cleave themselves to the so-called famous, notorious, powerful Hollywood person. It was, I mean, it was, it was actually quite fun to watch. They're like heat-seeking missiles. As soon as they found the power center of a... | 28.16 | 3.001594 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000953.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000954 | [S1] about narcissism? Can you unpack those for us? [S2] So, you know, one of the key myths is that narcissistic people are always men. And I think that that's a dangerous myth, right? And again, I'm using the gender binary here. We still are, that this research is evolving. [S1] Yeah. [S2] So keep in mind, research of... | 29.88 | 3.173422 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000954.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000955 | [S1] ... Graduous personalities. [S2] So is this when you get into severe emotional and physical abuse? [S1] Correct. [S2] Okay. [S1] Yes. And it may not even be physical. It may just simply be severe, isolated, coercively controlling kinds of financial abuse, uh- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... emotional abuse, that kind of thi... | 29.88 | 3.033063 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000955.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000956 | [S1] They have to be recognized as humanitarians. They not only put themselves out there as these great humanitarian saviors, they still treat the people they're closest to quite terribly. A great example of this would be the person like, "Your dad, psh, pillar of the community. You're so lucky to be his kid." And the ... | 29.88 | 2.899898 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000956.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000957 | [S1] ... an example of communal narcissism. [S2] So first myth, that men are the narcissists. [S1] Right. [S2] What's the next myth? [S1] The second- | 7.72 | 3.126519 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000957.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000958 | [S1] ... labels. It doesn't mean they're narcissistic. So I say we have to be careful when it's sort of these forward kind of facing characteristics. [S2] The grudge really hit me, and so did this distinction that you mentioned earlier between the difference between somebody being annoying versus somebody's behavior be... | 18.48 | 2.972644 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000958.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000959 | [S1] He cheated on you. Not okay, but I need more. [S2] Right. [S1] Okay, so I think that this idea that somebody cheats, that makes them a narcissist. Do narcissists cheat more than other people? | 10.32 | 3.183779 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000959.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000960 | [S1] Absolutely. Absolutely. Is everyone who cheats a narcissist? No. So I think that when a person's hurt in one way, we, they want to make that leap. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] We even have to be careful there. So yes, and it's annoying. It is immature. We really latch on to the superficiality part of it. | 20.2 | 3.06058 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000960.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000961 | [S1] Well, well, I think what you're saying is really good. So now I feel terrible about slamming the baby in the Verace, Versace thing, but- [S2] I'm willing to take that bet, Mal. [S1] Because there are multiple check boxes- [S2] That's exactly right. [S1] ... in that scenario in a certain age and behavior by parents... | 20.24 | 3.334939 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000961.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000962 | [S1] Right. [S2] Because I understand what you're saying, which is this can be the result of adverse childhood experiences- [S1] Yeah. Mm-hmm. [S2] ... that stunts somebody's emotional growth. [S1] Right. And this is where it gets the most tricky for survivors. [S2] Uh-oh. | 14.8 | 3.059398 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000962.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000963 | [S1] Right? [S2] Yes. [S1] 'Cause I hear you. And I- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... that's exactly what I know, and many of the people I've known who are narcissistic clients I've treated, and all of that, to still keep pinning it down to, and their behavior is not acceptable. You, number one, you're not responsible for their his... | 16.84 | 3.014662 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000963.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000964 | [S1] who is, had an adverse childhood. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And is having consistent trauma responses. For example, safety behaviors and all that. They tend to be consistent. The narcissistic person knows what they're doing. How do we know they're, know what they're doing? 'Cause you've gone through this too. Think of the d... | 29.88 | 3.047757 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000964.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000966 | [S1] Zero. [S2] Okay. So if I can't make those changes, why would the narcissist? And my personality is less rigid than theirs. If I can't become a disagreeable extrovert tomorrow, why would the narcissistic person become a big, huggy, empathic, unentitled, open, vulnerable person? I can't do it, neither can they. And ... | 27.28 | 3.153513 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000966.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000967 | [S1] ... in the world. [S2] Yeah, so we have, we're actually asking something unreasonable, the narcissistic people, when we think that they can change. And when you throw in there, they're less likely to go to therapy, and when they start going to therapy, they're 60% more likely to drop out of therapy. When is this c... | 20.92 | 2.951743 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000967.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000968 | [S1] Because they don't go to therapy? [S2] They don't, not only do they not go to therapy, a lot of the research now focuses on measuring how many people have narcissistic personality disorder. And that you're going to see rates of 1-6%, right? [S1] Versus a style. [S2] But versus the personality style where we're nev... | 29.84 | 3.054949 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000968.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000969 | [S1] ... to cause a problem. I think if you go to major metropolitan areas, it's going to be worse. I think if you, in certain industries, it's going to be far worse. Finance, law, politics, media, athletics, celebrity, much, much worse. [S2] Wow. Um, there are five different patterns- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... that narcis... | 21.6 | 2.977899 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000969.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000970 | [S1] Well, what I find fascinating about that is that you, um, constantly think about the narcissist in your life. [S2] All the time. [S1] But they don't think about you. [S2] No, unless they need you, and then they think about you a lot. So you, like this cup, I'm thinking about this cup now, I'm about to take a drink... | 22 | 3.094113 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000970.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000971 | [S1] ... of a narcissistic father, for example, can really, really be painful for everyone involved because that person's already more societally powered, you know, just by being a, a man in charge of a family. But that, that's a central, central motivation. I think what happens for a lot of folks who fall in love with... | 26.92 | 2.877562 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000971.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000972 | [S1] What is love bombing? [S2] Okay, so love bombing is a strategic approach a narcissistic person takes at the beginning of a relationship to win a person over and secure them as a source of supply. In the most classical, grandiose form of love bombing, it's a, a relationship that feels like a fairy tale. [S1] Mm-hmm... | 28.84 | 3.00155 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000972.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000973 | [S1] narcissism. I see or hear soulmate and I'm like, someone's in a narcissistic relationship. You know how it's like every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings? [S2] Yep. [S1] Every time I hear soulmate, someone fell in love with a narcissist. Same thing. Like that is that kind of talk. Magic connection, once... | 29.88 | 2.937584 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000973.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000974 | [S1] ... people say, "That did not happen to me." Love bombing also might play on, for example, let's say someone's a rescuer, and especially with a vulnerable narcissistic person. Vulnerable narcissists are really, really good at pulling for pity early in a relationship. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Like, you know, "I'm so lucky... | 28.32 | 2.850184 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000974.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000975 | [S1] for a vulnerable, narcissistic person. So it can be this rather vulnerable opening up, and that's how their love bombing shows up. But the mistake people make is we only think of love bombing in a romantic way. Love bombing can happen in families. In a, when a family member needs something for, you know, listen, y... | 27.44 | 2.91281 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000975.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000976 | [S1] I do have one question about the love bombing, 'cause I saw this happen with somebody that I care deeply about. The, like, "You're my queen, I love you, Angel." [S2] [GROANS] [S1] And the problem is, when that happens to you as a human, you literally do think you found Prince Charming, or you found the one. [S2] Y... | 25.16 | 3.008492 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p146_m4-dialogue_1000976.mp3 | [
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