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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130414 | [S1] You're sitting here. [S2] No, no, no. I, I literally thought you were going to. That is, that is so kind. And everyone who's requested me or has connected with my work or has liked a video, read a book, or listened to a podcast, thank you. Thank you so much. That, that honestly is, wow. That is incredible. Thank y... | 20.24 | 3.249825 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130414.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130415 | [S1] So I think everyone's very lucky that they get to have you every single week in their life. And, you know, as our friendships developed and blossomed, it's been so wonderful getting to know you better, to getting to know Chris better, and I'm just so grateful that you're doing this. I'm so grateful that I get to d... | 19.4 | 3.356545 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130415.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130416 | [S1] Thank you so much. [S2] You're welcome. I have to share one other funny thing with you. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Because when you go to the forum and you're, you, you know, kind of tell your story or submit a topic or you submit an expert, when you submit an expert at Mel Robbins.com for this podcast, we actually ask, w... | 16.36 | 3.55143 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130416.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130417 | [S1] And I want you to hear what somebody said. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You ready? They said, "Oh, please." We all know who Jay is. He's our favorite author. He's a former monk. A remarkable podcast with the number one health podcast in the world. He's been giving really amazing talks about love and relationship, and curren... | 29.88 | 3.4344 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130417.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130418 | [S1] ... monk, is so useful in everyday life. [S2] Wow. [S1] So people not only love you, but for those of you who may not know Jay's work or have ever met him, I want you to know he is the number one New York Times best-selling author of Think Like a Monk. He is an award-winning podcast host. The, the show which you n... | 28.4 | 3.353302 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130418.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130419 | [S1] But my relationship's great and I feel good. And I started to recognize that the quality of love in our lives, the love we're able to share and receive from others defined the quality of our entire lives. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so what else is there to write about if not love? Because I think it's one of the most u... | 28.68 | 3.20857 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130419.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130420 | [S1] Well, it's really interesting because the research shows that when we're young, because our prefrontal cortex hasn't yet fully developed- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... we see love as a feeling. And as we get older, when our prefrontal cortex is more evolved, we actually are able to use self-control and reasoning in our feel... | 24 | 3.309553 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130420.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130421 | [S1] And I was a victim of that definition too, of like, it had to feel this way, it had to feel that way. And you're constantly looking for this ethereal feeling. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And then either you find it and it goes away. [S2] Right. [S1] Or you have it and then you build a life with someone and then it changes a... | 22.44 | 3.298319 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130421.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130422 | [S1] When you respect their values and when you're committed to helping them achieve their goals. [S2] Wait, there was something missing there. What about, like, attraction? What about, you know, I really, I mean, I realize there's a difference between lust and love. [S1] Yes. [S2] And connection and chemistry. [S1] Ye... | 25.48 | 3.365939 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130422.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130423 | [S1] Absolutely, absolutely it does and I- [S2] But that's my definition. [S1] No, no, no, that's your def- [S2] I'm more shallow than the monk. [S1] ... that's your definition stops. That's a, no. Uh, that is a given and I, and I fully agree with that. I'm, I'm- | 11.92 | 3.2368 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130423.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130424 | [S1] massively attracted to my wife, and that was a beginning spark of a big part of our relationship for sure. So, so very, completely agree with you on that. I think these are the parts that are hidden. So my definition of love is more- [S2] Say it again, the three parts. [S1] So it's, it's liking their, let me break... | 20.64 | 3.342822 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130424.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130425 | [S1] All the studies show that if you consider someone a casual friend, you should have spent 40 hours with them. [S2] Yeah. [S1] If you consider someone a good friend, you have to have spent 100 hours with them. And if you consider someone a great friend, a best friend, you should have spent 200 quality hours with the... | 21.92 | 3.425934 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130425.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130426 | [S1] I use my language very carefully in the second one, respecting their values. What I often find in relationships is that we want people to value what we value- [S2] Right. [S1] ... equally to how we value it. So if I value sports, I want you to love sports and adore sports as much as I do. If I value my career and ... | 26.84 | 3.464292 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130426.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130427 | [S1] If you ask my wife what her number one value is, she would say family. [S2] Yes. [S1] Without a doubt. It would be her family. She told me that before we got married, I've known that throughout our marriage. If you ask me what my value is, my number one value is my purpose and my service. And as I'm saying this, R... | 23.36 | 3.191362 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130427.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130428 | [S1] And I'm here hoping that I get to serve your community and audience through this conversation. [S2] Yes. [S1] And both of us respect that, knowing that we'd be there for each other if we needed to. I said to Adi, I was like, "The moment you need me in London, like, I will be on a flight right back." [S2] Right. [S... | 20.56 | 3.437307 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130428.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130429 | [S1] Okay, so I wanna, um, stop right there because you've already dropped a bunch of, like, amazing wisdom bombs on us all. And just make sure that everybody got what you just said. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So the three things, first of all, it strikes me that in an amazing close friendship, those three things are present to... | 25.32 | 3.383041 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130429.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130430 | [S1] And one of the things I loved about your new book is that this is really about love, period, in your life. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And thinking about love as a skill and how to both let it in and let it out and, and give and receive. And I also just got something from you that I wanna acknowledge. | 22.64 | 3.355672 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130430.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130431 | [S1] ... that this is probably an Achilles heel of mine. And in the example that you just shared, I just realized something that I am not doing with my husband, Chris. So you talked about the example of other people saying to your wife, "Rati, you should open a restaurant. You should open a," and I could see that 'caus... | 21.92 | 3.402332 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130431.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130432 | [S1] Right? [S2] Maybe I'm getting- [S1] Yeah, and then you feel the pressure. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I think often in relationships, we either want our partners to change, so we're pressuring them to change because we don't respect their values, we want them to conform to ours, right? And so then the resentment builds. Or yo... | 19.36 | 3.446256 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130432.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130433 | [S1] Because I'm afraid that he's going to get very busy and that's going to impact our family life negatively. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That is my fear. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I haven't even sat down with him to have the conversation, "What's your goal?" [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And instead of being afraid of it or trying to manipulate ... | 22.56 | 3.282405 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130433.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130434 | [S1] One partner has lived their dreams. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the other partner has either sacrificed theirs in building the other person's- [S2] Right. [S1] ... or forgotten what theirs was in the first place. And that is such a common story that that person now in their 50s is reflecting and thinking, "I can't get t... | 20.84 | 3.455735 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130434.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130435 | [S1] Yours is interesting because your fear is of him not being around. [S2] Right. [S1] Often our fear or insecurity is our partner doesn't work as hard as us, so we want them to work harder. Often our insecurity or fear is my partner doesn't put in as much effort as I do, so I want them to put in more effort. So usua... | 26.84 | 3.356009 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130435.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130436 | [S1] You are now going around looking for how many people are not attracted to you and don't look at you. It's almost like when you make a decision to say, "I'm thinking about buying this brand of car," or, "I'm thinking about buying this brand of whatever it may be." Now you see that brand everywhere, you hear it ever... | 29.84 | 3.331077 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130436.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130437 | [S1] That means you're saying that the day they changed their mind, you're now immediately unlovable. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so you're deciding whether you're lovable or not based on whether someone else thinks you're worthy of love. And I think that that sets us up for a lot of pain, a lot of stress, a lot of pressure.... | 29.84 | 3.075715 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130437.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130438 | [S1] And that word is loneliness. I'm lonely. I feel alone. It's been a lonely day. It's been a lonely year. I'm experiencing loneliness. [S2] Right. [S1] But we never use the other word. And the other word is solitude. It's just not used in our vocabulary. And he says that loneliness is the weakness of being alone. An... | 27.48 | 3.138246 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130438.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130439 | [S1] Take the time on your own to do three things. The first thing is you have to learn about yourself. You have to learn what you like, what you don't like, what experiences you're into, what you're not into. Because what we don't realize is when you start dating someone, you adopt all of their likes and dislikes only... | 27.72 | 3.251676 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130439.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130440 | [S1] Well, this is going to sound like a dumb question, but I have to ask it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How the hell do you figure out what you like? [S2] [LAUGHS] So, yeah, it's a good question. [S1] No, I'm not. I'm, I'm serious. Like, if you've always been somebody- [S2] Yeah. [S1] So, so let's, let's role play. [S2] No, no, ... | 29.56 | 3.208625 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130440.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130441 | [S1] I don't know who I, I like, how do I find love? Like how to coach me. [S2] So, so first mistake, and I would, I wouldn't say this in a coaching session, but to speed it up for us, first mistake, you're already thinking it's about what do you like about the partner. I'm saying what do you like about yourself. [S1] ... | 21.8 | 3.342444 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130441.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130442 | [S1] You know whether you like the food at that restaurant or not, don't you? [S2] Yes. [S1] If you went out for a burrito, you know whether you like it or not. If you went out for Italian, you know whether you like it or not. How about we start doing that with people, places, and projects? How about we start reflectin... | 18.72 | 3.42974 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130442.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130443 | [S1] What did I like about it or not like about it? And what I didn't like about it, was that just because it was uncomfortable, or is it because I actually found it terrible? And if you did that with people, groups you spend time with, so many of us never change our friends over a decade because we never reflected whe... | 25.72 | 3.393986 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130443.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130444 | [S1] back in our lives. [S2] Because we never took that time to reflect, because it was always about them. We make it about them. So give me, I'll give you a relation- [S1] Well, I love, okay, so stop. [S2] Yes. [S1] I want to make sure everybody just heard that. [S2] [LAUGHS] | 9.64 | 3.14946 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130444.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130445 | [S1] Skill number one, rule number one, let yourself be alone. But what I want to say is, this was the huge paradigm for Schiff or me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So much of our ch- us are chasing and seeking love. And step one that I just got from you is, you gotta make it about yourself and not about the other person. [S2] Mm-... | 27.6 | 3.407866 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130445.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130446 | [S1] ... guaranteed. The second thing is, you're more likely to be dependent on that person because you think they're out of your league, and so now you'll become, do, mold, fold, become anything they want, they want you to be. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the third is, you're going to be scared to leave them because being wi... | 27.72 | 3.332097 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130446.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130447 | [S1] I have been in a situation before, many times in my teens. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Where I, sadly, and I regret this, I showed love to people in order for them to validate me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So it wasn't that I didn't like them, but I'd showed them more extreme forms of passion and love because I thought they'd say, "J... | 27.32 | 3.423122 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130447.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130448 | [S1] You're the best person I've ever been with. I just wanted to hear those words. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And that comes back from my childhood trauma of being bullied for being overweight, for being bullied for being Indian, for having a group of girls who lined up next to my football match when I was 11 years old shouting,... | 27.64 | 3.339103 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130448.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130449 | [S1] Literally, we're playing foot- When I say football, I mean soccer, but- [S2] Right. [S1] ... we're playing football, and I was the goalkeeper because that was the only position I'd be allowed to play. And the girls lined up behind the goal and shouted out, "She's out of your league. I can't believe you thought you... | 22.52 | 3.365611 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130449.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130450 | [S1] When now, all I wanted was a girl to say, "You're the best. You're amazing. You're incredible." Because of that other statement I'd heard all those years before. [S2] You know, it's amazing how we have these experiences and it just blocks our ability to let love in because we don't believe that we're worth it. [S1... | 25.44 | 3.407883 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130450.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130451 | [S1] So can we talk about that? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because, you know, I know that you were in business school when you first heard a monk speak at the age of 18, and you felt the call to become a monk. And did you meet Radhi before you became a monk, or how did you guys meet? | 18.72 | 3.342724 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130451.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130452 | [S1] Yeah, so going back to that, that moment, and then I'll dive into that question, I feel like you spend your life seeking validation. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You then don't get it in the way you wanted it, and then you finally decide you have to validate yourself. [S2] Yes. [S1] And that journey can be 10 years, 20 years... | 25.6 | 3.350362 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130452.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130453 | [S1] ... then you're going to feel worthy- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... for how you showed up in the beginning with your now wife. [S2] Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I realized that I don't, I think another big thing for me was chasing the approval of a male figure. My dad was quite aloof when I was growing up, and I've always considered ... | 25.6 | 3.393077 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130453.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130454 | [S1] It was my mom who taught me how to like shave my beard and like, that's why I have great grooming habits. [S2] I was gonna say, is that why you still have a beard? [S1] Take care of my skin. [S2] Did she not do a good job with that? [S1] No, yeah, exactly. But my mom taught me how to take care of my skin. Like my ... | 15.88 | 3.240057 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130454.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130455 | [S1] And what was really interesting about that is I think the monks became my first male role models. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I was looking for them to validate me. Now, the interesting thing when you're trying to get validated by monks is they don't validate you. They're just trying to teach you the truth. And so that'... | 20.16 | 3.372995 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130455.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130456 | [S1] We're conditioned so deeply. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] We've watched so many movies, we've listened to so many songs, we've seen so many cliches and examples of what love truly is, that we snap back into those habits as soon as we're back. So as soon as I came back from the monastery and I started dating Ravi around six m... | 20.56 | 3.394072 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130456.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130457 | [S1] I snapped back into all my old habits because that's how strong it is. So if anyone ever feels compelled and you keep thinking, "I keep dating the same person again and again, I don't know what's wrong with me." [S2] Yes. Yes. What is wrong with us, Jay? [S1] [LAUGHS] Well, that's the thing. It's that the conditio... | 19.8 | 3.236515 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130457.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130458 | [S1] breakthrough in this area of being in a healthy relationship or, or truly, um, finding or attracting love with the right person. Just write down on a piece of paper everything you're looking for and then be that person yourself. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And something funny happens. You're like actually looking for things... | 27.84 | 3.364593 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130458.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130459 | [S1] You have this younger self meditation. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Would you be willing to just walk us through that meditation for just even a minute of what that is like? [S2] Yeah. | 12.68 | 3.391485 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130459.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130460 | [S1] Yeah. Eyes closed? [S2] Yeah. [S1] Amazing. I love that. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Okay. [S1] I'd love to do that. I think so. For anyone who's doing this, I'm just adding a disclaimer that this can be emotive, it can be challenging, and so please do this when you're in a safe space, when you are, uh, feeling mor... | 23.24 | 3.33888 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130460.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130462 | [S1] Do you mind if I share? [S2] Please, I'd love to hear if you're, if you're so willing to. [S1] Yeah, I, I, I, uh, saw myself standing there with this Dorothy Hamill haircut, which was that famous figure skater. Uh, let me tell you, the 13-year-old Mel Robbins does not look like the average 13-year-old today. [S2] ... | 25.2 | 3.325305 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130462.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130463 | [S1] I've got this, like, uh, Benetton sweater on. I don't know why I'm focused on the clothes, but- [S2] I love it. That's good. No, it's imp- No, that's really good visualization. Like, the more de- I mean, if we had longer, and as I describe in the book, the more detailed, the better. [S1] Yes. [S2] That's great. Th... | 25.24 | 3.293064 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130463.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130464 | [S1] for someone to say this. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And then the wisdom was, please say this to me every day. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And that whole thing that you said about showering yourself with love, and, you know, one of the things I want to point about, point out about your book, | 16.16 | 3.291428 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130464.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130465 | [S1] And one of the other places that I want to go, Jay, because I think there are so many people that struggle with the beginning stages of love. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And we were joking earlier about lust versus love and chemistry versus true connection. And in your research, you talk about | 20.72 | 3.18608 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130465.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130466 | [S1] ... the need for us to define love- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... for ourselves before we think about it, we feel it, and that we have to know the four phases of love. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So you can walk us through, like, these four phases of love. [S2] Yeah, absolutely. So- [S1] And I wanna try to figure out which one you'... | 19.56 | 3.22725 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130466.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130467 | [S1] And what you forget in that moment is that you signed up to your contract of the word love, but they signed up to their contract of the word love. If their love meant, "I like this right now,"- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... that's what they meant when they said, "I love you." And if you said, "I love you," and that meant... | 19.44 | 3.369893 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130467.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130468 | [S1] I want to be with you forever, then that's what you signed up for. And you never checked whether your contracts matched. You never checked whether your definitions matched. And the unhealthy part about that is you're expecting what you signed up to. [S2] It's so true. [S1] Right? And so, so that's where it comes i... | 29.6 | 3.32168 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130468.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130469 | [S1] And so the first one is attraction, as we said. [S2] Right. [S1] You have an attraction, you get excited. [S2] There's a spark. [S1] There's a spark. There could be something there. Now, if there isn't a spark on the other side, that withers away, it's- [S2] Can we just draw- [S1] Oh. [S2] ... right there. [S1] Ye... | 15.6 | 3.432045 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130469.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130470 | [S1] 'Cause I think especially, and again, mother of daughters. [S2] Yes. [S1] And a son, but, um, I'm more worried about it with our daughters. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] The attraction piece seems to flood everybody's ability to think. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And ha, what are like the red flags that this is the, "I love you tonight, ... | 29.6 | 3.387405 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130470.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130471 | [S1] And I have signed up for, "I love you means we're at least going to breakfast." [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, I so, so I, no, I'm serious because I, as you think about the attraction phase, there has to be the spark. There has to be that moment where you're like, I'd spend 200 hours with you, even though I don't even ... | 26.8 | 3.288102 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130471.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130472 | [S1] Yeah, so, what's really interesting about the way I see red flags is, I think a lot of people think red flags are things that other people show you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And for me, it's more about how strong your radar is and what you're looking for. [S2] Okay. [S1] Because people just think, "Oh, someone's just gon... | 29.44 | 3.460366 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130472.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130473 | [S1] You are giving them qualities that they've never shown you. [S2] Give me an example. [S1] I'll give you an example. If someone is attractive, you assume they must be trustworthy. If someone is smart or they went to a good school, you assume they must be organized at home. | 19 | 3.436047 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130473.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130474 | [S1] If someone is wealthy or famous, you assume they must be likeable. So what we're doing is we're giving people qualities they haven't shown us. [S2] Mm. [S1] If someone is kind in the moment, we think they must be kind all the time. We've never seen whether they're kind when they're stressed. We've never seen when ... | 28.6 | 3.332153 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130474.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130475 | [S1] ... to be that they're kind all the time. Another red flag is something called the context effect. So studies show that if you're holding a warm drink while on a date with someone, you're more likely to have warm feelings towards them. [S2] Really? [S1] Really. We're that biologically simple. The context effect al... | 23.48 | 3.401347 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130475.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130476 | [S1] That could be the one because love is all around. [S2] No way. [S1] Truly. The context effect is also that when you walk out of a theater and you just watched a romantic comedy and they went off into the sunset happily ever after, you're more likely to believe you're going to bump into someone that you could do th... | 26.44 | 3.389573 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130476.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130477 | [S1] How the heck do you do that when your hormones are like going crazy and yes, you've worked on knowing yourself and what you love, but I just wanna- [S2] Yeah, it's a great question. [S1] I wanna just come back to this idea of in the attraction phase where you're not thinking rationally. | 16.84 | 3.35179 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130477.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130478 | [S1] How do you notice this in yourself? Do you start like bargaining with yourself? You start to notice that you're crossing lines with your own values. What would you counsel somebody to really pay attention to if they continue to fall into a problem- [S2] Yes. [S1] ... of making themselves available to people who ar... | 18.56 | 3.373851 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130478.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130479 | [S1] Yeah. So the first thing that I'd, I'd look at is, is that person responding at the pace you're responding? [S2] Oh. [S1] Right? Is that person responding at the pace you're responding, or are you constantly having to force play games? Are you spending a lot of time in? So what's really interesting about what you'... | 29.64 | 3.308253 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130479.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130480 | [S1] I think they're hot. The stress is, do they think I'm hot? [S2] Yes. [S1] The excitement is, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I just texted them, I have their number. The stress is, when are they going to text back? [S2] Yes. [S1] So we think chemistry in the spark is something that we just feel, but actually it's exciteme... | 21.44 | 3.352484 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130480.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130481 | [S1] ... the stress decreases. [S2] Yes. [S1] And comfort increases. So we think the spark's gone, but actually you've just become more comfortable in their presence. Now, how does this answer your question? The way it answers your question is the idea that you can't control your hormones. You are going to go through t... | 26.84 | 3.398022 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130481.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130482 | [S1] ... to be thoughtful, to be mindful, and slow things down. And that's the number one thing I can say. Slow it down. You will make better decisions when you actually take time to see the other person, but take time to reflect. [S2] Mm. [S1] That you message them, but then you also take time, again, to slow down and... | 20.92 | 3.304483 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130482.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130483 | [S1] I can see them once a week and see how this goes. And I think people are scared of doing that, and I want to validate. Your hormones are going to push you and take over- [S2] Right. [S1] ... and you can't control that. [S2] Right. [S1] You can only control what happens when they finally calm down. And you can eith... | 29.72 | 3.278975 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130483.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130484 | [S1] Ooh. [S2] Because- [S1] Ooh, hold on, hold on. Did everybody hear that? If your relationship starts like an interview, it will end in a rejection or firing. And I keep thinking about this idea of slowing down because if it's meant to last, you have plenty of time. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And the speed is what's gonna ma... | 19.72 | 3.372337 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130484.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130485 | [S1] One of the things that I wanna really focus on next, because Jay unpacks the four phases of attraction, dreams, struggle, and trust- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... in the book, is I think my favorite rule, honestly, of all eight, is number four. Your partner is your guru. [S2] I thought it would be. When you said your favo... | 25.56 | 3.373273 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130485.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130486 | [S1] Will you explain what that means? 'Cause I think when you first hear, "Your partner is your guru," I didn't realize what it meant. [S2] Yeah. [S1] 'Cause it didn't mean what I thought it meant. [S2] Yeah. | 10.4 | 3.298385 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130486.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130487 | [S1] And I want to encourage people to understand that this step comes as you deepen a relationship. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] This isn't something you want on day one. Like if anyone's listening to that rule and you don't read the book and you're thinking, "Oh, yeah, my partner's my business mentor," or, "They're my coach," o... | 28.92 | 3.371253 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130487.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130488 | [S1] And then it was really interesting because as my career took off, and I've been with Radhe obviously from, since before, and then as my career took off, I started to hit these external milestones. [S2] Yep. [S1] And I'd hold them up almost, not physically, but | 12.52 | 3.425108 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130488.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130489 | [S1] And she didn't react differently. And so then I kept going and then I held it up. And it was at that point I realized there's only two truths. Either my wife doesn't love me, which I know wasn't true because she'd- [S2] Right. [S1] ... shown me love in so many ways. [S2] Right. [S1] Or that there was something I w... | 28.6 | 3.4912 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130489.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130490 | [S1] I really love what I learned from you in that moment today. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Or I really loved how you dealt with that challenge. Or I saw that you were being criticized for this and I saw how you responded. That's what I love about you. So just in the way she loved me, she was teaching me how to love myself. And... | 27.24 | 3.398325 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130490.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130491 | [S1] ... they reflect the truth back to you just by being present with you so that you can see yourself. And so a guru isn't a partner who's telling you what to do or manipulating and controlling you because that's ownership, that's not a relationship. And I think people- [S2] Ooh, ooh, hold on. Hold on, everybody. [S1... | 25.64 | 3.46439 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130491.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130493 | [S1] That's ownership. [S2] Yes. [S1] Will you talk more about that because I think there's a lot of people listening to you right now going, "Your, your marriage sounds amazing." [S2] Yeah. [S1] And my relationship sucks. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because I do not have a partner, uh, that is like that. I have a partner that's c... | 22.72 | 3.435806 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130493.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130494 | [S1] So, talk to that person- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... and this notion of partnership versus ownership. [S2] Yeah, absolutely. And so, | 10.16 | 3.185332 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130494.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130495 | [S1] We come into relationships based on the imprints that our parents gave us, as we talked about before, or even our first partners gave us. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And we also have so much inside of us that's unresolved, that that comes out in four ways. And these four things are comparison, | 19.64 | 3.334866 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130495.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130496 | [S1] In how to talk to anyone. [S2] Right. [S1] And so what we do is we compare them to someone else, thinking that if they know what one of our friends did for their anniversary, then our partner will get their act together. [S2] Yeah. [S1] No one in the history of comparison has ever changed their life | 16.08 | 3.370654 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130496.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130497 | [S1] Because they were compared to someone else. [S2] That's true. [S1] You don't make someone act better by making them feel inferior. It doesn't work that way. People act better because they feel inspired to, they feel called to, they feel energized in their life. But we try and use comparison. If someone else is try... | 26.12 | 3.481326 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130497.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130498 | [S1] Is someone giving you care in the way you want to better you, or are they doing it to make you more comfortable and convenient for them? Are they telling you what to wear? Are they telling you which of your friends are a good influence on you? [S2] Oh. [S1] When you hear that, you think, "Oh, they might actually c... | 22 | 3.353696 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130498.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130499 | [S1] And it applies the other way too, Mel. I think a lot of us who are in personal growth, who are in self-development, we have a bad habit of wanting to improve our partners, but not in the way they want, in the way we want. The amount of people that come to me and say, "J, I'm like really begging my partner to read ... | 29.32 | 3.363222 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130499.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130500 | [S1] Maybe that's what they need to do. Maybe they don't even need to learn from me. Maybe they need to learn from a completely different person and maybe it's one of our friends. Maybe it's someone else. Maybe it's someone from decades ago. The, the point is, are you trying to get them to the next step in their journe... | 29.6 | 3.34622 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130500.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130501 | [S1] Yeah, yeah, no, it's beautiful. You do it so well. You do it so well. [S2] I just want everybody listening to get the wisdom that you are weaving together because I think that's it right there. Are you trying to get them to step forward? You said it better. Something about like your- [S1] Yeah, I'm saying- | 16.6 | 3.431012 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130501.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130502 | [S1] I'll give an example. There's, there's a, a couple that I know, and one of them finds knowledge and learning to be what growth means to them. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And one of them finds service. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So one of them will happily go to a soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, and help out every week. And to them... | 29.32 | 3.321513 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130502.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130503 | [S1] Yes, and I think you also have to be present enough to know when someone that you quote, love, is pushing you off your path. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] That you're busy supporting them on theirs. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But they are not meeting you. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Halfway. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Now, one thing I am gonna disagree with... | 21.84 | 3.33125 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130503.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130504 | [S1] ... episode. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] To a person that you're in a relationship with because I think it provides a tremendous amount of things to talk about. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And it might not be the same things that you think you wanna talk about, but, you know, in closing, Jay, I just, you know, there's one more thing I... | 22.32 | 3.424725 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130504.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130505 | [S1] I just keep thinking about this idea that the whole purpose of your relationship is to help your partner achieve their goals. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And if you're in a relationship where you are focused on their goals and they are focused on yours, that is true partnership. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Because you're showing up | 21.36 | 3.324084 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130505.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130506 | [S1] In a way that somebody really feels honored and seen and heard and supported, and you will feel the exact same way. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And it's so simple, and we make it so complicated. And so I want to ask you one final thing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Um, you know, I was, I obviously were friends, but I did research befo... | 29.16 | 3.327846 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130506.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130507 | [S1] If you were to give someone listening, 'cause I think that moment of a wedding, right, where you are really holding space for somebody's love and relationship. If you were to give the person listening right now one final thing to think- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... about the purpose of love in their life, what would you ... | 27.56 | 3.269221 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130507.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130508 | [S1] When the, when, even when we're doing an agnostic wedding, the idea is that you start meditating and praying for the couple from the moment you're asked. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So the journey doesn't start on the day when you turn up. It starts from the moment you're asked and requested to do that. So I usually start m... | 28.16 | 3.37288 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130508.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130509 | [S1] If Radhi would just feel, I feel loved by my husband, that's great. That's awesome. I'd feel more proud if she said, "The way Jay loves me makes me love myself more." [S2] Mm. [S1] And whenever I write about love, whenever I try and share love with friends, family, team members, anyone in, anyone that I cross path... | 23.84 | 3.342349 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130509.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130510 | [S1] ... will help them fall in love with themselves. And that what I see in them, they'll see in themselves. And that what I don't see in them, they'll discover within themselves. And so I think whether it's marriage, whether it's moving in, whether it's a long-term relationship, that's what I'd have to say. [S2] Beau... | 29.12 | 3.241056 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130510.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130511 | [S1] ... and start noticing all the love that is there in your life. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And you'll start feeling and finding the one that isn't. Because you are loved by your brother, sister, family, child, dog, cat. Like you, you are loved. You're loved by Mel and me. You, you are loved. And if we start noticing how lo... | 27.32 | 3.107926 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p37_m4-dialogue_0130511.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_m4-dialogue_0722130 | [S1] 40 million in products and in cash to survivors of cancer. Uh, is it feel good, do better? What is it? [S2] Yeah, look and feel better. I'm not- [S1] Look- [S2] ... I love you. [S1] Hi, honey. Look at to, to the, the, to look and feel better. And she is one of my favorite human beings of all time. She wrote the bo... | 27.04 | 3.43583 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_m4-dialogue_0722130.mp3 | [
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_m4-dialogue_0722132 | [S1] and I love you and I'm just grateful to be here for you. [S2] Wow. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Okay. [S1] Just that. [S2] I think the episode's over now. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Now we gotta go back in time because, you know, I think one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on is because the entire mission of this show is to... | 25.44 | 2.942118 | 24,000 | audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p39_m4-dialogue_0722132.mp3 | [
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