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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303447
[S1] So, I want you to tell me why you wanna move. I mean, fuck him for a minute. Like, what, why do you- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] ... want to go somewhere else?
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303448
[S1] Yeah. Um, there are many reasons. I, I've lived in Indiana my entire life, and- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... and I think this breakup has shown me, if it's shown me, I mean, it's shown me so many things, but one thing is that you have one life to live, and I just don't think I'm supposed to live here for my entire life.
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303449
[S1] Yeah, I think you want to make the decision not only from your heart, and I'll coach you through how to make the decision and how to read the energy of your heart. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But you can make this decision either because you want to move away from something or because you feel called to something. Do those ...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303450
[S1] I mean, we, we spent five years here. We were very active people everywhere. And I, I like to go on hikes, and now every time I go on hikes, I think about where we've been, and it's not that big of a city to escape from all the memories. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And it's just, it's been really hard to think that I can cr...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303451
[S1] Yeah. It's possible for sure. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, but it's easier if you're feeling called. And so you said a couple things to me. One is I felt called deep down even before we broke up. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And that this is something that I've wanted to do. [S2] Yes. [S1] And I will tell you, you will always regret no...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303452
[S1] That's, yeah, that's been my main thing, is that I know I can always come back. I've made enough of a network here, and I know there are plenty of people in my corner that are here that would, I could rely on. God forbid something was to go awry in the state that I have, I've chosen. So I, I, I, yeah, I, I do want...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303453
[S1] Your parents are grown ass adults. [S2] Yes, they are. [S1] And they can move. They can get on an airplane. [S2] Yes. [S1] They can FaceTime you. They want you to be happy. They want you to pursue your dreams. There is nothing I would hate more than to have my kids tell me,
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303454
[S1] ... that they gave up on something they wanted to do because they felt guilty about me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] After all the shit I've done to support them, they're now gonna saddle their coward-ass chicken shit decisions on me?
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303455
[S1] Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that reassurance for sure. [S2] Well, you can ask for it. Whether they give it to you or not is a whole other thing. I don't know your parents, I don't know if they're going to be emotionally immature about it, but I suspect they've seen you suffer- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... and they've seen...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303456
[S1] Living with regret is the worst thing in the world. And so, you know, I, I, I'm, I'm focusing us here because I need you to accept that he broke up with you and you haven't. [S2] Yeah. I feel like I haven't had time to- [S1] That's bullshit. [S2] [LAUGHS] I know. [S1] 'Cause all you do is think about this.
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[S1] I don't know. There is a part of me that is hanging on to this little piece of hope that because he was the person that, I mean, everything I wanted in a person was that, was him, except the fact that he didn't want me. So maybe that should be enough. [S2] Well, that's, that's the single biggest- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ....
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303458
[S1] Because you think if you can win him back, it means something. [S2] Yeah. [S1] What does it mean if he comes back? [S2] He regret. He's, he regrets the decision that he- [S1] What does it mean about you? [S2] Oh. [S1] What does it mean about you?
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[S1] Yeah, we haven't even spoken since, so. [S2] Good. [S1] Since July. [laughs] We, I haven't seen him. It's been- [S2] Good. There's nothing to say. [S1] Yeah. [S2] He said everything when he broke up with you without warning. [S1] Yeah. Yeah. [S2] And I also think you need to look back at the relationship if you're...
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[S1] There were absolutely signs, especially- [S2] What were the signs? [S1] Well, uh, one, uh, two years into our relationship, he cheated on me. [S2] Okay, there's a sign. [S1] That's a sign. [S2] [LAUGHS]. [S1] Uh, two,
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[S1] About three weeks before he broke up with me, um, he was Mormon, and I'm, I'm just, I'm Christian of general. [S2] Uh-huh. [S1] And, um, he had some Mormon people over and,
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[S1] It was on a, we got in a big fight, essentially, and I saw him look at me differently in that time. And then on our 4th of July weekend when he broke up with me, he was very distant. Also, all of our mutual friends broke up with their girlfriends two weeks prior. So every guy in our group that I- [S2] Are they all...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303463
[S1] ... two weeks prior, and then I was next. I was the next target to be hit. Um, yeah. [S2] Or, uh, captive to be released. [S1] Yeah, that too.
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[S1] Yeah, he was definitely- [S2] You need to change your story. You need to change your story. He was not everything you thought you wanted. He was not, he was somebody that cheated on you, that you forgave, who then started to ice you out because he felt the pressure from, uh, LDS leaders, which he's allowed to do. ...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303465
[S1] Had he sat down with you and explained from his heart the pressure he feels, how much he cares about you, how much this time is meant to you, but he just can't get past the religion, blah, bide, blah. If he had done that, we wouldn't be here. [S2] Yeah. [S1] But see, why you feel pissed, and I'd like you to get in...
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[S1] You gotta get into that mode of, I was fucking disrespected by this son of a bitch. How fucking dare he? What a chicken shit, piece of shit, traumatized, what the, I, I was dating a boy. [S2] Yeah, no, absolutely. 100%, not emotionally intelligent. Uh, definitely- [S1] Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Come on...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p62_m4-dialogue_0303467
[S1] [laughs] [S2] No, it ain't. It's only hard because you've been telling yourself a different story. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And the story that you need to tell yourself is this one. When it's not love, it's a lesson. And the lesson that he taught me is I want an actual man. I want somebody who talks about his feelings. I w...
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[S1] And I also learned that I am a fucking lawyer. And if I can get my ass through law school, I am an adult who wants an adult relationship with an equal. And I was dating a child, and I was making excuses for him, and I'm not fucking doing that again. [S2] Yeah. [S1] How about that story? [S2] I like that story. Tha...
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[S1] Here's one other thing I want to say to you. We got to come up with your plan B when you bump into him. Because I have a feeling that literally within the next 48 hours you are going to bump into him. [S2] I do too. I know. I've had this feeling for a while. [S1] Okay, so what are you going to do? [S2] I don't kno...
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[S1] I've learned how loyal I am as a friend and how many people I have in my corner. It's just, so I, I want to exert that kind of energy when I see them. [S2] Okay. [S1] If I was to. [S2] Great. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Great. Okay. [S1] I'm not, if you ask me how I'm doing, I want to say I'm, I'm doing great because I am. [S...
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[S1] into something powerful for you. And it's the truth. And the reason why you can't let this go is because of how he handled it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Because you are a person of principle and you deserved to be treated differently. This is not about the breakup. This is not about what happened. It's about the how.
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[S1] Okay. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I want you to say, like, I want, you're just gonna try this on like you and I are shopping together. Because having this rehearsed will help you not get triggered. Because when you see the person, it will be a little bit like, "Oh my God." So expect a little bit of the wave, like, "Oh shi...
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[S1] Do not look away. Do not worry if he's with somebody, even better. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You're gonna walk right up and you're gonna say, "Hey, I had a feeling I was gonna bump into you. It's, it's actually really great to see you because I'm moving. Something I've always wanted to do and I wanted to thank you. Thank...
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[S1] Would be making different decisions if I were still putting you first. But I do want to tell you, the way you handled it was really awful. And I deserve better. And now I feel better that I told you. [S2] Yeah, that's, that's tough. That's how you, I don't know how- [S1] All right, go ahead. Go ahead. [S2] Okay. [...
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[S1] You, okay. Hey, Nick. [S2] Hi. [S1] It's great to see you. I had a feeling- [S2] Yeah, it's good to see you. [S1] ... that I was gonna bump into you recently. I mean, it's, it's been a long time since I've seen you. And- [S2] Yeah, you look great. You look really great. How you doing? [S1] Thanks.
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[S1] No. [S2] Okay, we're gonna start over. No. I wanna thank you for ending it. [S1] For ending it, okay. [S2] 'Cause I wouldn't have. [S1] Yeah, I wouldn't have. [S2] And I needed you, and, and it needed to end. [S1] Yeah. [S2] And I'm happy it ended. But I do have to tell you, the way you handled it, not cool. Not c...
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[S1] All right, here we go again. I'm Nick. [S2] All right. [S1] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Okay, here we go. [S2] Hey, Nick. [S1] Oh, hi. Hey. [S2] How's it going? [S1] Uh, everything's great. Everything's really great. [S2] Oh, my.
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[S1] Yeah. That, that last word is it. Because like a lot of that gotcha and I'm just gonna say that thing where I pretend to look duh, duh, duh, that doesn't work. But you're being honest because I, I really feel that it's the justice piece of this that hooked you. [S2] Yeah. [S1] That, that's what has kept you attach...
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[S1] He should be, he should be, he's probably not hiking anywhere 'cause he's scared to bump into you. [S2] Possibly. Definitely. [S1] Definitely. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Definitely. Even if he has somebody new, he's gonna be scared to bump into you.
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[S1] And that's how you can feel in your heart and in your gut that that is a decision that's aligned with who you are and where you're meant to go. If you are making a decision and you feel yourself shrink a little. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You feel the energy go down. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You feel kind of, instead of the expansi...
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[S1] I know, Mel. I wish this was in person. I would get, give you the biggest hug too. I just, I'm, I'm so, this feels honestly so surreal. I've been meaning to email you for approximately six months and it wasn't until I finished the Audible book of the five second rule this weekend- [S2] Yeah. [S1] ... and that I've...
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[S1] Thank you so much. I- [S2] You're welcome, darling. [S1] I'm so appreciative for your time. [S2] And this is also gonna help so many people, so I appreciate your honesty. [S1] Yeah, absolutely. I, I, that's all I wanna do, is I truly wanna help anyone who's in my, in my space, and it's going through what I'm doing...
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[S1] The second they break up with you, the second they're not in love with you anymore, the second they treat you as though they don't want you, take that as the truth and flip the switch and tell yourself you deserve better. I'm sure you remember this moment when Katrina confessed this. [S2] Everything I wanted in a ...
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[S1] And that's where we lose our power. Because it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks because you're the one that's going to have to live with the decision. So we were just doing college tours for the past week on spring break. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Well, it was actually great. [S2] It was. [S1] I loved spending the ti...
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[S1] Hard, no. [S2] How did you know? Like, where in your body? [S1] Just my whole body. [S2] What did it feel like to have your body experience a no, and how quickly did it happen for you? [S1] For the first college, I'd say 30, 30 minutes. [S2] Okay. [S1] Happened in 30 minutes. [S2] What's a no feel like? [S1] Just ...
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[S1] Just, I don't want to be there anymore. I feel out of place. That's what a, that's what a no feels like for me. [S2] Does it happen in your body first or in your mind? [S1] I think it starts in my mind and then I know. Over time, I'm like, "Yeah, my whole body starts to agree." [S2] Okay. Um, second school. [S1] Y...
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[S1] And so for me, I was just back in my head, back at that school that I had graduated from 33 years ago, and neither of your sisters could have gotten in, and they weren't interested in it. And we didn't even look at it. And so when all of a sudden you're like, "I'd like to look at Dartmouth," I was like, "Oh my God...
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[S1] Weird to have a parent on the tour with you that went to that school? [S2] Yeah. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Yes. Yeah. [S1] You can call me out. [S2] Yeah, it was weird. [S1] How come? [S2] It, it was weird because on the tour, we'd be walking and the tour guide would say something and then you'd be able to go into depth ...
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[S1] where you, where we were walking and you were saying something about how my application for Dartmouth needs to look like this and it needs to have this in it. [S2] [LAUGHS] Uh-oh. [S1] And when I ED here, it's gonna need to show this and this and this. And I turn to you and I just say, "How do you even know I'm go...
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[S1] So how did you get to a yes? What does a yes feel like? 'Cause you're really sure about this school. [S2] Yeah. A yes is super open. You feel lots of possibilities. You feel like you're in the right place. You feel comfortable. Um, you can see a bunch of different opportunities and possibilities in this space. Stu...
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[S1] No, you were texting me and I was not looking at my phone because that is disrespectful to the info session people. So, no. [S2] That's true. [S1] You were texting me. I was not texting you. [S2] That's true. [S1] Don't drag me under the bus with you.
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[S1] I was hiding behind somebody so they couldn't see me, but I was staring at the people. [S2] They probably could. They probably could. [S1] Okay. Okay. So I was texting you and after the info section, you're like, "Nope, not even going on the tour." And then do you remember what this particular school did on the to...
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[S1] And right now they're on a tour with you. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Whether it's your friends, or it's your family, or it's your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, or significant other, there is somebody that you turn to and go, "What do you think?" And they're right on the tour with you in life. [S2] Right. [S1] And when I t...
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[S1] Imagine them being on a different tour. You're there alone assessing what you need to do. [S2] Right. And so you're just in your head thinking about what you think of it. [S1] I think you need to be in your body. [S2] Mm. [S1] And for those of you who just went, "What?"
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[S1] which is kind of like a tour, a bunch of people together doing things with their businesses that, um, that they wanna do. Achieving goals together and patting each other on the back and, like, supporting each other. So one day I showed up at the mastermind and I said, "You know what, you guys? This is what I'm gon...
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[S1] Well, I had heard that this was like a, it, it, it's a thing that people do. I mean, it's not like it wasn't my idea. I had heard it from somebody else and it was just, if you want to take your business, and at the time I, I did, I wanted to take my business to the next level. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And if you really b...
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[S1] You know, it's, it, it, I see how you, you say it's courageous, but at the same time, nobody made me do it. It was my decision and I, you know, if I didn't do it, everybody would say, "Oh, well, of course you didn't. Good try." You know? [S2] But I meant when you heard about it- [S1] Yeah. [S2] ... was there somet...
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[S1] I want that. Quantum leap, that sounds amazing. It's, that sounds like living life, you know? That sounds like I'm gonna be in a different spot and that, that is gonna change me and I'm, I think I'm gonna really love that. [S2] It's almost like if you think about the tour analogy, it is like the future where you'r...
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[S1] You know? And I was just like, "What do you, what do you, what, what do you guys think?" [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, and not because I wanted to know what they thought, but I just was kinda like, "Why is everybody so silent?" You know? And then...
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[S1] The voices started talking and the voices of everybody in my mastermind group, "Well, how, how are you going to do that? I never heard of that before. Why would you want to do that? You can't do that. You need a longer runway. You can't do it next month. How much did you actually make last year? Like, what, what a...
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[S1] ... do it. [S2] What? [S1] I did do it. I, I mean, I, I, I'll explain to you what happened. I committed to it and I, I'll never forget this. Two weeks into my commitment to myself and my group, even though they could care less except for Richelle Wright, um, I got a phone call from a current client that said,
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[S1] And, you know, name your price. 'Cause she needs this and- [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] She knows you're the person to do it. I will never forget. I was on Route 684 around the Mount Kisco exit and the phone rang and as soon as it rang, I saw who it was and I was like, "This is happening right now." [S2] Oh my God. I love t...
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[S1] You know, it's interesting 'cause, as you were describing this, I was immediately back in class with Mr. Brown going, "You're not gonna get in there." [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] "You better not get your hopes up." And I didn't have the Richelli right. I had to be that for myself. [S2] You, yes. [S1] I had to be like, "Fuck...
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[S1] It's a gift. I remember we just started a walk-in group here in Southern Vermont this morning, and there were like 25 women that showed up, and there was this one woman that was super cool. Well, everybody was cool, but she was telling the story about how she recently went back to nursing school after getting a di...
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[S1] They are saying, "Come on this tour." [S2] Yes. [S1] And for that moment, you allow yourself to imagine what life would feel like. And that's what the yes feels like. [S2] Yeah. And all those people in my master mind group, they didn't want to be open to that. I, you know, for me and maybe even for themselves too,...
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[S1] We say like, "Well, what's the next fucking thing I gotta do?" [S2] It's so true, and that's why I love this metaphor of that moment of going on a college tour. Because it is a moment where you contemplate, very intentionally, your next move. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And we all have that opportunity in our lives at any m...
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[S1] Yes. [S2] To basically go, okay, the tour I'm on is headed over here and it's these voices. And your story is about very loud voices chiming in, kind of the way I was with, uh, the annoying way on the Dartmouth tour. [S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] But-
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[S1] I also can think about periods in my life where I was the annoying voice because my emotions were the emotions of all those people. But you can't, but you were going this way. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But this is how we do things. But this, but that, but what are you gonna do? But you don't know how to do that. But that,...
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[S1] You're afraid of it. That's why I keep saying it requires courage. And yes, you will ultimately end up where you need to go, but you can save yourself the headache, the heartache, and the breakdowns that, and the years that you will waste in the wrong direction. Do I regret going to law school? No, because it's a ...
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[S1] And, you know, if anything, I love this visual of the tour. I love the visual of, like, parents and, you know, going off in one direction with their opinions and their agendas and their, and, like, your mastermind group waddling off in that direction. [S2] Mm-hmm, yeah. [S1] And then there's another choice. There'...
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[S1] ... of what life could look like. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Doesn't mean it's gonna happen, but I think in even finding the courage to allow yourself to imagine it.
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[S1] And that's the part that I was saying, you know, when you were like, "Oh, that was really brave." It was like, "Yeah." And if it didn't happen, like you're saying, it doesn't even mean it has to happen. If it didn't happen, I would have still learned a lot. I would have grown a lot. And I would have known what it'...
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[S1] It would have been okay. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Even if I didn't make it. And, and I think that that's why I wasn't really that scared because I knew that I would learn so much. And it did happen to happen for me and that was great. And I absolutely feel like it was a fast forward button that I pushed in my life. [S2] ...
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[S1] ... have the courage to push fast forward. [S2] Fast forward. And of course, when I was in that fast forward moment, I had got a lot of work. I had a lot of work. I had to write those 10 eBooks, and then after that, I got a ton of work. And guess who I turned to when I had too much work and I needed a subcontract?...
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[S1] ... you know? [S2] I love it. [S1] And still, like, she comes up in my feed sometimes, and it's like my heart just, just glows when I see her name. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] 'Cause she's behind me. And
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[S1] My people that I know that have the same vision, that I can support, that are supporting me, to me, that's really living, right? I always look around and see, like, I remember being in grammar school and looking at my class and being like, "We're just random people in here. Like, we don't really belong together." ...
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[S1] Yes. [S2] Kind of. [S1] Yes. You know, it's interesting, though, 'cause I think it's more often than not that the voices that you're hearing are the ones that you're making up. So, as we were talking this morning as a team, Cameron on our team was also sharing a story about how she applied to Indiana University- [...
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[S1] As she was dropping it, not for me, not for me. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Like, way too big, it's too far away, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And the voices that kept her there were her own concern and fear. Same as me in law school. What are people, people who transfer are losers. What are people gonna th...
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[S1] I worked in a pharmacy in high school. [S2] Oh. [S1] Counting pills. After high school, I had my job at Harris-Teter Grocery Store. Loved it. Thought, "This is the only thing I know. Guess I'll be a pharmacist." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] So I just look back hearing you guys say that, 'cause it's like, I'm just so proud o...
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[S1] So after that, of course I saw, I'm going home, I've got all my books for the, I think it's the P-SAT, the pharmacy school books that you take. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I've been studying my ass off, trying to like make this, just fit this into my life. So I, I was like, I have to change my major. I don't know what I'm g...
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[S1] 14 year career in broadcast. And I'm just so proud of that girl. 'Cause she did it. And I have had such an incredible career so far that I'm really proud of. That is not pharmacy. It's what my heart wanted. [S2] Mm. [S1] That I always knew I wanted. I didn't know anyone going after this path. I didn't know anyone ...
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[S1] I didn't know anyone who was going to stay an extra semester because I'd changed my major. [S2] How did you know? Like, how did you find the courage, given that you were going to have to stay an extra semester, that you didn't know anybody, that you didn't know the career path, you just felt pulled towards it? How...
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[S1] Oh, in my heart. In my heart, for sure. And sure enough, when I changed my major and got, like, with, changed all my classes, and added an extra semester, I, when I went back to school that fall, I was, like, I'm, I have to find an internship. So I found an internship with the football program, and that was just, ...
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[S1] Leave the pack and come in this direction. And when you do that, things magically align. And I think that's the other thing that, you know, Amy and I were just talking about, which is we think we're going off alone, but there's actually a whole other group of people you're catching up to. [S2] Yes. And now some of...
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[S1] Because it requires you to step out on your own. [S2] Mm. [S1] Beautiful. I really hope that you've gotten a lot out of this conversation, 'cause this is exactly what my vision is for our Monday episodes. Like, you and I are taking a walk together. And to me, what I've learned over the course of this week and all ...
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[S1] Treasury. Now with the Justice Department. Loved human behavior, how to spot if someone's lying. And I worked for ATF for 17 years, retired at 38 when I got a half a million dollar book deal with Random House to write a book, You Say More Than You Think. And the reason I got that is I watched a can, uh, Dan Kenned...
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[S1] And I went to work. Ben Peters always gets a bagel with me. He comes in, I go, "Ben, shut the door." [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] What's going on? I got to know how to tell you this, but I'm leaving ATF. I'm a New York Times best-selling author. I go on TV shows all the time. I go, I, I'm quoted in magazines and books. I'm ...
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[S1] Story they had coming up, like, "Hey, are you meeting your future in-laws? We'd like to talk to you. Do you think your kids smoke?" And I'm like, "I'm the human lie detector." They call me the lion tamer 'cause I could tell if you're lying. And I pitched them. See, I, my, my degree in college was English Communica...
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[S1] went on that show, a flirting show. A woman who was very successful, educated, smart, wealthy, had her own place, couldn't get a second date. They sent me in like Ashton Kutcher. I like spied on her body language. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] Um, Mel Robbins, I was gonna say. Rachel Ray surprises the girl, her name's Nicole...
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[S1] I got a book deal. They went into a bidding war and ultimately Random House bought my first book. You say what you think. So, um, that's how I got to where I am in the rest of this history. Now my job is to inspire people that you're listening to your podcast, to look at their world in a different way. Break any l...
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[S1] ... to people like the Secret Service who are trained every single day to look for the anomalies, to look for what doesn't fit. You would think school teachers and therapists and judges would be good at detecting deception, and they are not. They are not. [S2] Why? [S1] They're not trained every day to, to what to...
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[S1] And they shake their head yes, but they touch their head at the same time. That's called a high level pacifier. That's indicating there's something they're uncertain about. So maybe when you say, "Hey, when you come to town, when I come to town, Jeanine, let's go out for steak." And I go, "Okay, yeah, that sounds ...
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[S1] curb the cartel problem in our country. And when he says it, he does a bunch of body language that indicates uncertainty and then touches his inner eye. [S2] Wow. [S1] And I show that to my keynote presentations and I say, "How confident is he that Obama and the United States can help?" And they burst out laughing...
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[S1] Uh, that's a great question, Mel. Uh, first I would start with us before decoding others, right? [S2] Okay. [S1] So emotional intelligence is self-awareness, social awareness, self-adaptation, motivating others to be the best version of themselves. So let's start with self-awareness, okay? [S2] Okay. [S1] When it ...
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[S1] ... to each of them, what do you consider the ideal candidate to look like, and how do I measure up to your expectation of the ideal candidate? [S2] Oh. [S1] And the woman, had you all been there, you would have seen her and heard her say, "Oh, I could never ask that. I would look desperate." And you would have he...
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[S1] Science. Mel, I know you love science. I know you love what's happening in the brain and how the brain and the body are talking to one or, one another 'cause they are. So, when I come in uncertain, how am I making my boss feel, Mel? [S2] Uncertain. [S1] Uncertain. [S2] And they probably don't even realize it. Like...
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[S1] Take a second and say the words, "Can I have the Fourth of July off?" While your shoulders are hyped up towards your ears, and you'll realize your entire body and energy is questioning the words that are coming out of your mouth. It's impossible, Jeanine. You're absolutely right. I've never even thought about it. ...
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[S1] in expecting tomatoes to grow. [S2] [LAUGHS] It's true. [S1] I mean, come on. [S2] It begins with the roots, though. [S1] It's not our fault. It's not your fault because no one is teaching us this, okay? We just wanna be light. We don't wanna be inconveniencing people. We don't know if we're bothering. But if you ...
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[S1] What's the second part? [S2] The trunk. [S1] The trunk. Okay. What's the second part? [S2] Yeah, the trunk of the tree is body language. And now this is interesting because after body language comes the branches. The branches, Mel, are, and you at home are, the branches are thought. So this means body language com...
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[S1] It's life or death, I would think. [S2] Do you think five seconds ha- matter with an athlete? [S1] It, it's winning or losing. [S2] Can five seconds with you, with your 10 second rule, can five seconds make a difference? [S1] Of course. [S2] Can I jump out of bed- [S1] Yes. [S2] ... at five seconds? [S1] Yes.
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[S1] With understanding what I'm talking about now, first is the intention, the roots of the tree, then bod, uh, then body language, and then thought. This means you get a five second advantage to know how someone else feels before their brain knows how they feel. This is why, when I say, "Hey Mel, I can't come and joi...
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[S1] Okay. [S2] Make them disappear. [S1] Make them disappear. And so our, Malgo's not a problem, Janine. I say when we don't like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. Or a lip roll is my emotional control. [S2] What's a lip roll? [S1] It's the-
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[S1] ... that's this. [S2] Oh, so- [S1] ... disappearing. Rolling those lips in. [S2] Okay. [S1] Okay? So Mel says not a problem. I now have a five second advantage. I know there is a problem because Mel's lips disappeared, and when we don't like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. So I know there is a problem.
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[S1] Damn you, Jackie, and your wiseness, you know? So here's what I heard on TikTok, and maybe your listeners have heard it, and maybe you've said it too. Did, have you heard, have you talked about the bees and the flies? [S2] No. [S1] So the bees are not flying around trying to convince the flies that honey tastes be...
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[S1] No, I, I'm just fascinated listening to everything that you're saying. I want though, to focus on how we can become better at spotting when somebody's lying to us. [S2] Okay. [S1] At spotting, 'cause I think that there's a lot of, you know, in the work that you and I do, you often find somebody after the heartbrea...
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bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p64_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p64_m4-dialogue_0042625
[S1] on a raid, and telling people to get on the ground. If you just lean back and steeple, out, someone else at the table will quiet down the people who are interrupting you. So that, when we steeple people, we intimidate people. It's a sign of confidence. Another- [S2] Let me ask you a question about that. [S1] Yeah....
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audio/en/bilibili_data_22095156_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p64_BV19a4y1q7Yz_p64_m4-dialogue_0042625.mp3
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