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I've been depressed for 8 years, and I've never really found help that made a difference but I always found a way to juggle it just enough that I was a pretty productive person in work and life. I recently decided to take some extended time off of work early next year (8 weeks) bc honestly I could tell I was reaching my breaking point. I feel like making that admission to myself has opened the floodgates on my depression.
Now, I feel like my depression has evolved and I'm extremely apathetic about work and I just feel sloppy with how I'm doing my job. As someone who honestly does try to do their best in most things (somewhere in me is someone who is pretty optimistic), it's kinda shocking to see where I'm at now. But I also can't muster the energy to care to do better, it just makes me more sad and suicidal like damn bitch, you really are losing your ability to function in this world.
Kinda just yelling into the void but does anyone else feel like their depression has evolved over the years?
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depression
|
I’m 27 years old and only started to realise something was wrong late last year. I’ve been given the run-around trying to get diagnosed and medicated. Its nearly been a whole year since I began trying to manage ADHD and I’m still no closer to getting medication.
What does the medication feel like? The more I learn about the effects of ADHD, the more I wish I didn’t know. I hate not being able to work, I hate seeing memes about people taking the medication and finally thinking clearly. Is it really that much of a difference?
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ADHD
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Wednesday is my first assessment appointment via telehealth. I’m a little overwhelmed and due to that fact not able to prepare much for it. Do you have some advice for me? I’m just nervous.
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aspergers
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i’ve been taking wellbutrin but i’ve decided i really want to try a more holistic approach. i’m weaning off of it right now. before taking it i was tired 24/7, can’t get out of bed…. force myself to go to the gym, that kinda thing.
now that im weaning off the med i don’t know if im making the right decision. my fatigue is already back and it hasn’t even been a week of weaning off (im taking one every other day). i don’t want to keep feeling fatigue but i also don’t want to keep taking medication.
does anyone have any suggestions? also how can i even take care of myself when my fatigue is just as debilitating as my depression itself.
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depression
|
Do any of you have extreme difficulty when writing a paper? Like a college essay for example. I know exactly what the paper should say but to explain what I am thinking feels impossible. Like there is a mental block when explaining something cohesively or explaining an idea or methodology.
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aspergers
|
I’ve looked into this online briefly and all the results were talking about feeling this sense of satisfaction or schadenfreude at bad things happening to other people, or a sense of pleasure at your own suffering because some part of you feels you deserve it.
This is not either of those things.
I’m talking about the excitement you feel when a new movie comes out that looks awesome and you can’t wait to see, or a new video game, or the next book I’m the series that you love and can’t wait to find out what happens next, or your favourite artist has released a new album. Something like that.
When it happens to individuals I can feel sorrow for them, but if I know them personally it’s likely to be overwhelmed or tempered by this sense of excitement if the bad thing that has happened/will happen will affect my life. If it happens to a country or a community and it’s likely to impact me, I feel it then too. If it happens to me directly without malicious intent, and I have a plan to deal with it, I get it then.
I got it in the 2007/8 recession, excited to see how me and my family would have to make drastic changes to get by and if we would manage while everyone else stressed themselves some extra wrinkles. I got it when I got caught in a storm and almost drowned to death in the sea - my friend was wiped out after swimming for our lives while I bounced around thrilled at the epically frightening experience. I got it after my father died, particularly leading up to the funeral - I knew the entire family dynamic would change after his death and I’d never been on a plane by myself before (going to his funeral) so both of those things had me feeling great. I got it during 2020 a lot thanks to everything that kept happening. I was even forced into temporary homelessness during the lockdown and pandemic, but I had a plan I was fairly sure would work and so even though the uncertainties had me anxious a lot, I spent the whole summer smiling and feeling excited about how crazy things were.
Please tell me this is an ADHD thing, because the sheer glee I felt despite myself when seeing how bad 2020 was getting has me worried at my compassion for fellow humans.
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ADHD
|
So now that I've accepted that my social fears are not from generalized anxiety disorder but more of a learned thing from a lifetime of some sort of cognitive issues.. I feel completely and totally hopeless.
I've started to think that the only way I'll ever be content is to not be with anyone. The intensity of talking to someone even if it's just a typical morning greeting is so intense I just want to go to sleep sometimes. Even if I interact in a completely normal way I end up reliving the moment all day long trying to figure out if I handled it properly, and I'm literally talking about just someone asking me how I'm doing or what I did this weekend or whatever.
That's all I could go on and on and on but this group is the only place I've ever found anybody who understands what I go through.
Edit:
Omg can I really not edit the title? I think all 100k + of us should protest. Seriously, 100,000 aspies demand editable titles!
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aspergers
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Like you become disoriented and get a doom feeling?
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OCD
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I have this fear of going insane and getting psychosis. I am scared of loosing control and harming people. I also have this fear of forgeting who my parents are and harming them. I deal with alot of stress and anxiety 24/7. I feel like I'm on the edge of snaping and losing control or getting a panick attack. Please help, and give me some advice.
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OCD
|
Hi everyone! i never want to misdiagnose and i know theres this weird habit of calling trivial quirks an OCD but i am curious to know. I have an obsession with picking at skin of my hands and feet and of even family. the urge is so strong and i can go on for hours. but i always stop before i can hurt myself or just after.. is this considered an ocd or just a weird quirk? this is me getting to know myself
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OCD
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Just deleted the calendar app on my phone (use it for my main compulsion, strange I know) and I feel a sense of freedom. Strange feeling, let’s hope I don’t end up re-downloading cause I’m liking this.
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OCD
|
I posted this question in r/fantasywriters, and was told I should pose this question here.
One of my protagonists (in my series, there are two major protagonists) is a 19-year-old woman on the autism spectrum. Long story short, she lived on an island alone for 3 years to escape an abusive ex who wanted her to become his perfect little wife. The story begins when a pirate (this is a high fantasy world) lands on her island looking for a mystical treasure.
When they leave the island together (they are the duo protagonists), they get split up and the woman is extremely overwhelmed at society that she’s cut herself off from for 3 years. The loud noises everywhere are the thing that throw her off the most, which leads her to have meltdowns. (Sorry if this sounds too stereotypical, someone very close to me with autism reacts this way to overstimulation, so I’m basing this character heavily on her, and have been brainstorming with her how to write this character properly, without making autism her entire personality). She meets a female thief who introduces her to the drug to try and get her to calm down.
I’m trying to come up with a drug that isn’t really addictive as a substance, but as a feeling, much in the same way that Mary Jane in our world isn’t considered an addictive substance, but many people can’t go a day without the feeling of being high to let off steam. The drug I have in mind is an algae that grows on the bottom of airships that when spread on a person, gives them a high. I was thinking of its effects being dulled senses and a heightened awareness, or something else someone on the spectrum would find to be so desirable that life without it would be hard to live. A serious adverse effect of the drug is that without it, everything around her is too overstimulating. She starts to believe that she can’t function without it.
Not trying to say that the drug “cures” autism because that’s ableist and just plain wrong. But kind of like how Adderall was used to “treat” ADHD but was really just diet meth the whole time. But what kind of drugs do you think someone on the spectrum would typically find hard to live without once a dependency on them has been created?
Thoughts?
Edit: I’ve been made aware of the sensory hell that smearing algae on the skin might be, so definitely reconsidering that idea.
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aspergers
|
(Sorry for my bad english)
So today me and my friends were taking a group photo and i was in the back and my friend was in front of me. She was sort of like blocking me from the picture so i moved, so that i could show in the picture too, but then while i moved i accidentally touched her butt and I just didn't know what to do so i didn't say anything and she didn't do anything either. Then we took many photos so the same thing happened again and i still didn't say anything and i felt really horrible and i started being scared that
she would accusate me of something and that everyone would start avoiding me. I tried avoiding her after what happened, but it was a bit hard and she still talked to me normally and didn't mention what happened at all. I feel really guilty about what happened and I'm still a little scared that maybe she didn't realize that it was an accident and that she's going to accusate me of something.
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OCD
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They've been so bad lately, and I'm having an extra hard time for many reasons. I wish sleep was an escape from reality and memories, but I I've been having horrific nightmares for weeks on top of it and its The Worst. I feel irreparably broken and I'm so very tired
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ptsd
|
For example I see a lot of people with ADHD talking about sensory overload, hyperfixations/obsessions etc. That sound very similar to autistic traits. But if you have both, which characteristics do you have that are decidedly NOT related to ADHD and could only be related to autism?
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aspergers
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Ill be like “yeah watching that was fun” but in my mind I was like “oh shit did you see that child? You are a predator” “oh shittt im a predator” and I watch in secret horror and disgust. No one knows how hard it is theyre just like “if you have intrusive thoughts then just distract yourself from it and do something else 🤪” like nah thats not how it works it will ruin any leisure time for me lol.
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OCD
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I hate this life with ocd and I'm 14y/o male suffering from hocd and I lost myself I don't know who I am and this anxiety is burning my heart and I don't think I'll be able to survive.how can i handle this solo I am just 14 year kid don't know what to do
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OCD
|
Hi all, so i'm (25m) currently going through ADHD assessment here in the UK. My mum has to fill out a questionaire about me as a child, my partner has to fill one about me now, I have to do both + a WEISS(?) assesment.
My issue is that all the questions are geared towards hyperactivity in children. As a child I was fairly calm. Maybe even too calm. I had a chat with my mum about this and she described me as a "patient young boy who would spend hours doing one thing". These "things" I would spend hours doing would never get finished, and I'd be onto the next "thing" for hours.
Now this rings alarm bells to me. I was also partially "deaf" as a child and had grommets put in on two occasions after teachers picked up I was a little unresponsive in primary school. My hearing now is what could only be described as fantastic. I hear everything, always.
I'm worried that the way the questions are worded will go against me and I wont get any help that I desperately need right now. My mum also seems to be in denial that anything is wrong and says I am the way I am due to a breakup and withdrawals from "coming off my meds" (I was on prozac/fluoxetine for two and a half years and came off over 4 months ago - so it's long gone out of my system). Any advice?
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ADHD
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https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30969961/
Anyone have any thoughts on this or felt that feline exposure could be the cause of their OCD? I had a cat growing up that I was very close with, it used to sleep on my bed every night and I would nuzzle my face in its fur like a pillow. Around 2-3 years after I got my cat, I developed trichotillomania which eventually stopped of its own accord. Throughout my teen years I have had mood disorders, latent depression, anxiety, a reclusive and morose outlook on life and around 18 developed a moderate to severe OCD about my own health which has had a significant impact on my life, both in my relationships, financially and effects my work as well and persists to this day.
I would be very interested to know if anyone else here has had exposure to cats and might consider linking this parasitic infection to their OCD symptoms?
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OCD
|
Hello,
So I feel like I come across this issue very often, but it almost only happens on work days. I am usually fine in the morning but after lunch the fog gets really heavy and I get super tired, needless to say I work with a tiny fraction of my potential at these moments, if I can work at all.
I must add that I am 29M, diagnosed at 25,and I have been unmedicated for 2 years due to my doctors advice and her moving far from my town. Struggling to find another specialist and getting back on medication because life seems unbearable without it.
So how do you guys deal with that? Or am I alone facing this afternoon death almost every single day?
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ADHD
|
Like always I have a crap load of stuff needing to be done, but piling up. So, I figure maybe if things got done more efficiently, I would have an easier time reserving my focus, and cutting down time required or tasks.
One task is some video editing. I need to cut some clips from various lectures to turn into flashcards (I use Anki), but right now I have iMovie. Is there anyway to cut one lecture in various clips all at once and then save each clip as a separate file? Is there any video editing software that has the feature? Right now I have to keep cutting the same 11 minute lecture into a few second bites (because I am learning sign language), over and over again, and it's getting tedious.
Also are there organization hacks y'all learned that also work for non-adhd people? I need to organize the house, but a major problem is there is no one method on organization, and I need to organize in a way that makes sense so people can stop asking me where everything is AND have them put it back where it belongs. Otherwise it'll become a full-time job and I'll have to quit going to school and UE to keep the house clean and organized.
I've been drinking more and more monsters, but it's like they don't help anymore, and I really don't want to go on stimulants because I live in an area where stimulant abuse is rampant and I don't want to deal with that shit on top of all of the ridiculous crap I am having to keep track of.
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ADHD
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The only times I’ve ever had it worse are when my mother tried hitting me, and when my dad threw a remote in my direction. A mental health facility diagnosed me with PTSD, but I’m not sure I believe it
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ptsd
|
I have gotten so used to staying at home with my dog and i have got a pretty decent routine going on. I know that i will have a few breakdowns since i have to change my routines coz offline classes are starting soon. Although i did pretend and tell everyone that i really wanna come to college, i feel like i have gotten used to my online classes. I'm freaking out coz i don't do well with even the slightest of changes.
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aspergers
|
I have 4 midterm papers due this week alone, the deadlines are only a day apart from each other.
I have a research paper due tomorrow at 5PM, and is probably the shittiest research paper I've ever wrote in my life. To add to that I'm already barely passing the subject as is. I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep for a week now, it's currently 7:20 a.m. where I'm at and I haven't slept yet--I have an essay due later at midnight about 60 pages worth of readings (that i know will take me a shit long time to finish) and I HAVENT STARTED YET.
It takes me so fucking long to write each one and even if I can't stop thinking about doing them I JUST CAN'T FUCKING GET UP. I'M ONLY 2 MONTHS INTO COLLEGE. I just don't know how I can handle a year let alone 4 years.
I'm not diagnosed and I haven't seen a doctor because my mom thinks I have no problem. My tics are getting progressively worse and I am so fucking anxious every single day. I started binge eating food (in the middle of writing I have the urge to get up and eat food) and I'm also gaining weight. I haven't exercised properly in weeks. I don't even do anything that I enjoy anymore. I just lay in bed thinking about all the shit I have to do without actually doing them.
I can't get through the year like this. I thought I could do it but I just don't think I fucking can
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ADHD
|
OCD has 3 purposes. I will describe them here and elucidate below.
1) To teach you that doing things wrong has repercussions
2) To teach you that you must understand things completely
3) To teach you to tolerate pressure.
**TO TEACH YOU THAT DOING THINGS WRONG HAS REPERCUSSIONS**
Let's imagine you are going somewhere. You come to a T in the street. You can either turn left or turn right.
You turn right.
After journeying a bit further, you realize you should have turned left. The place you want to go is to the left, not to the right.
You made a mistake.
Now, you have to go BACK THE WAY YOU CAME and then go THE WAY YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE.
The cost of this mistake is a) time and b) annoyance.
With the exception of music and science, mistakes generally don't result in positive outcomes.
When I do a thing wrong, I punish myself by making myself do it again the correct way. i feel like self love is required here, but I am devoid of this, because I did a thing wrong. When you took the wrong way in the above example, you can't self love yourself out of having to retrace your steps (time and annoyance). You still have to do the thing correctly AND pay the cost of having done it wrong.
The lesson to learn is that mistakes are bad and should be avoided. When I start taking things seriously and realize that FUCKUPS HAVE REPERCUSSIONS I believe my OCD will leave me. Doing a thing wrong and then leaving that mistake there WITHOUT fixing it seems like you're sending bad energy out into the universe. Did you make a bad investment decision? The cost is you are losing money. Did you make a bad relationship decision? The cost is your psychological health. THESE ARE THE COSTS FOR MAKING MISTAKES. You must not make mistakes. OCD is the manifestation of the voice in your head that makes you think you're making a wrong choice. Do the thing again. Do it again. Do it until you're sure you did it right BECAUSE MAKING MISTAKES IS TERRIBLE.
**TO TEACH YOU THAT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THINGS COMPLETELY**
On prediction.
Prediction is the ultimate demonstration of skill. If you can predict what a person will do, you understand behavior. If you can predict the stock market, you understand finance. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION, AS MANY PEOPLE TRY TO DISGUISE THEIR BULLSHIT AS PREDICTION especially salesmen and people who are so vague that they cannot be wrong. If someone is giving you advice but it is not SPECIFIC, they are bullshitting you. If you take nothing away from this post, please understand this prior sentence.
Another OCD I have is prediction punishment.
Say a thing is happening and there are two outcomes, A and B. I tell myself, if A happens I will do this. If B happens I will do that.
But then thing C happens. I never considered C. C is not A, and C is not B. Because I didn't grasp this as a potential outcome, I messed up, and now I have to do the entire thing again, accounting for C this time. ALL POSSIBILITIES MUST BE UNDERSTOOD AND ADDRESSED BEFORE BEGINNING ANYTHING. If you miss one, it means the core for your understanding was wrong. The punishment is to do it again (time and annoyance). Do not mess up next time. By doing it again, understanding grows. You cannot base your original decision on a different outcome because you hadn't imagined it from the beginning. You were operating under incomplete information. You must start again.
Furthermore, I punish myself for forgetting. I have gone to the store, gotten home, and realized I forgot something. I IMMEDIATELY stop what I am doing and go back to the store to buy it. Why? Because I forgot it. The punishment for this mistake is a) time and b) inconvenience. I don't want to go back to the store, but I have to, because I said I was going to get a thing and then I forgot it.
THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH ALL OF THIS is that fear of punishment does not increase performance. I have told myself "if you mess this up again (you have to do punishment)" and I still seem to not give a fuck and half ass it. Then, if I do it mistakenly, I make myself do the punishment BECAUSE I TOLD MYSELF I HAD TO BEFOREHAND. But I still don't take it seriously. I have spent HOURS doing a thing over and over because I did it wrong AND I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN IF I DID IT WRONG. But I still did it wrong. When I understand that mistakes are to be avoided, I will stop having OCD. I understand this conceptually but I do not, TRULY get it, or I would fail to do things wrong.
**TO TEACH YOU TO TOLERATE PRESSURE**
The final part of OCD is to get you familiar with pressure. Let's say I'm doing a thing, but I do it wrong, so I have to do it again. I do it again, and I still do it wrong, so now I have to do it 3 more times (the punishment for doing it wrong again). I do it wrong AGAIN, so now I have to do it 10 more times (the punishment for doing it wrong again). Now I am doing it 10 more times, and the first 3 or so will be easy. The next 3 or 4, I might mess up. But when I get to the last quantity, I get nervous and scared, because I'm SO CLOSE to being done that the PRESSURE IS IMMENSE. I KNOW if I mess up there will be repercussions, so I am VERY AFRAID OF DOING IT WRONG AND FEELING THE PRESSURE. The purpose of OCD is to get you familiar with this pressure so that WHEN IT'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT you won't fuck up by not being able to handle pressure.
OCD is a teacher. It probably originates from the part of your brain that is fearful for your survival, the smart part of your brain that realizes you need to do things correctly to minimize the chance of hurt. You probably see other people who are casual about everything and it pisses you off because they're doing things wrong. Your OCD overcompensates for this. In all seriousness, I want to understand how self love pays a role here. I do not understand self love for mistakes, because YOU CANNOT SELF LOVE YOURSELF OUT OF HAVING TO RETRACE YOUR STEPS. You can forgive yourself, but you still made a mistake which must be undone. Isn't it better to not make the mistake? If you drop something valuable and it breaks, you can self love yourself, but you still broke something valuable. You must deal with repercussions, such as a) having to fix it (time and irritation), b) having to replace it (time and money), c) or no longer having the thing (loss), d) having to tell the person you broke it (shame) e) getting fired (loss of funds), etc.
I mean, you could furthermore drink to deal with your problems, and then you would FEEL BETTER, but does that fix anything? Of course not. Does anyone get drunk and feel self love? No. So which is it about? The emotions? Or the facts?
Please note, all this punishment talk, I only accept punishment from myself.
So, truthfully, everything I've written above is from my foundation and resonates with me, but I feel like it's not correct. I'm honestly asking for how self love comes into play here. How do you MAKE A HUGE ERROR and then not have to deal with repercussions??? How do you go the wrong way and then NOT have to deal with annoyance and time while correcting your mistake? I mean you could teleport but that isn't a thing. OCD seems like its coming from a good place, a place to protect you a place to get you to where you are equipped to handle 100% of possibilities because you have prepared for them (prediction) ahead of time. A place to get you prepared to handle pressure so you aren't freaking out. How are these not good and beneficial?
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OCD
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My life is great, my family is loving and supportive, my siblings are the most important thing in my life. My friends are great, I’m not in any way lonely socially. We are relatively rich, I got a decent job. I’m going to the gym to work on myself and get compliments from girls, and in that category it has never been to hard either. I don’t understand why I feel so fucking empty. I should feel great but I just fucking can’t and it’s driving me insane. Everyday is a big struggle and I just push forward because I know that I am supposed to be happy and I’m just waiting for the moment to be happy again. I’m struggling constantly for no nothing reason and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do because there is nothing fucking wrong with my life.
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depression
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I feel like im stuck in this endless loop. I feel so bad and powerless about how im feeling because im convinced im not trying hard enough to just snap out of if. Im bringing everyone around me down with it. I realized this morning I actually do want to die (Not an option but the desire is there) because i just cant envision the future being any different. I have no reason to be depressed. Im not poor. I have a comfortable house with a supportive family. I have friends i can lean on.
Im sorry for the rant.
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depression
|
from anxiety-inducing, embarrassing, angry, argumentative, depressing. it is exhausting and unrelenting. I just want some freaking peace and to be unbothered. but it gets triggered by anything or nothing at all.
I've done plenty of meditation in the past and definitely benefit from being more aware of my thoughts. journaling helps to get things out but that only works temporarily. exercise doesn't really do anything for me most of the time. I've learned many other coping methods too but the rumination always comes back.
I'm sure RSD and emotional dysregulation play big roles in this since plenty of it has a social context. it use to be I was immediately troubled by something but eventually, I'd forget. now it could range from years ago to recent and it would keep cycling in my mind.
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ADHD
|
I've been thinking about getting a diagnosis from a gp or a practitioner to see if I'm on the autism spectrum.
I've read a some books on autism and some of the traits I relate to them for example social skills and communication. I don't feel I'm a routine person but when something changes my normal structure I feel a bit off balance.
I notice I listen to the same music track which can be the repetitive trait.
People who have received a diagnosis how much benefit was it to your life? I'm in my 30s and I feel it might not make much of an impact. Feel it would have helped more as a child. If I am on the spectrum it could help me to learn how to improve my communication and social skills.
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aspergers
|
Newly alcohol free (TW:alcoholism, eating disorders, panic attacks)
I’ve been using alcohol to self meditate for a little over a year now for my OCD and anxiety (especially my somatic OCD), as well as outside stressors. Two days ago, I had a panic attack that was exasperated by some mild alcohol withdrawal symptoms (nausea, shakes, dehydration, blurred vision). I ended up going to ER to be put on fluids and meds. When I was discharged, the doctor gave me a short term prescription for Xanax (I take an antidepressant already but have been wanting to take something else for my anxiety for a while now). He also referred me to some addiction counselors, but said that my withdrawal symptoms and alcohol dependence were not serious/deadly.
A family friend of mine recently died in her sleep from alcoholism and an eating disorder, which is what fuels my anxiety of alcohol withdrawals. I am not sure my dependence is bad enough that I need to remain sober forever, but I would like to try remain alcohol free at least until 1) I am not longer taking Xanax, 2) my alcohol tolerance lowers significantly, and 3) until I secure a new job (my current job allows me to drink often because it’s stressful and I work odd hours from home).
I’m very concerned about staying away from alcohol as it’s only been two days and it’s been hard to not think about. Any advice is welcome!
Tl;dr: newly alcohol free after being hospitalized and seeking advice from my fellows friends with OCD, especially if you have also suffered panic attacks or addiction
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OCD
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Can OCD ever make you blurt something out that you don’t actually mean? I got a little drunk the other day and accidentally said something out loud that I didn’t actually mean.
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OCD
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when my ocd first escalated, i became a really unpleasant person. took out all my frustration at random people on the internet. i became a full on troll, saying a tonne of offensive things, or just triggering random people just because. now ive been obsessing lately whether these people have become suicidal etc because of what i said. i never once thought about the person's feelings before, and now its come back to haunt me as soon as i was doing remotely better. anyone know what to do?
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OCD
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I'm so relieved I don't need to go look for a similar jacket and can just repurchase the exact same one. I do this for as many of my clothes as possible. I've been wearing the same kind of socks, longsleeves and pants for over 10 years at this point.
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aspergers
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Hi Girls,guys and theys.
Today after 29 years i finally got my diagnosis that confirms i have ADD.
I know it sounds silly but it feels so good to know why i do the things i do. I've known ever since i was little i had a form of ADHD but because im a girl nothing happenend.
And now after many years of thinking i was stupid, forgetful and antisocial i know why i behave like this. That im not weird, only just a little.
​
I know all my other mental health issues will stay and i have to work on that and thats okay. but this conformation feels so good.
If you have any good medical reseach sites on ADD please share i always want to learn more!
​
Thanks for reading
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
​
TLDR ; Got my diagnoses that confirms i have ADD
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ADHD
|
My girlfriend and I had an argument and she kept saying be in my shoes and I know why she means but it’s certain things that just set me off and make it to where I am livid to a point of not hearing anything else I keep telling her certain things just trigger me and make me feel Insecure but it always leads back to her Insecurities but I don’t feel I’m being understood when we talk about stuff like that. I really care for her but sometimes this stuff eats at me that I can’t express my Insecurities that she has me go through I just wanna communicate better how I feel without being mad
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aspergers
|
So I was at school today and I kept thinking that something or someone from the floor above me and I kept getting images in my head of the things falling down cracking my legs and me bleeding out on the floor, something cranking my skull, pencils going down so fast that they’re slowly killing me. I had at least 12 inner panic attacks in 7 hours that’s gotta be a record something. I fucking hate OCD.
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OCD
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I'm not sure if there's a term for what I tend to experience here but it's very much a part of me.
Basically, if really necessary, I can muster up the willpower and stay productive for the next several hours, days, or even weeks at a time. I can work with little/no interruptions or downtime during this period as well as keeping distractions like Reddit, Netflix, Youtube, my phone, etc. to a minimum. I'll be super productive during that period alright. But once that period of super productivity is over, I rebound in the other direction: it becomes MUCH harder than normal to stay focused and this super distracted period seems to last roughly as long as the super focused period preceding it.
Is this something that any of you have been able to successfully conquer or is it something that you'll have to (strategically) deal with for the rest of your life? And how would you manage it?
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ADHD
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I went to one psychiatrist in the Hamilton area who was absolutely awful and I've been putting off finding another ever since. I'm overly paranoid about wasting more money on someone who won't even listen to me so I thought it would be a good idea to ask here. Do any of you have any psychs you'd recommend in the area? I need someone who works with adults.
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ADHD
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I don't post much here on reddit, but I thought this would be a safe place for me. For around two years I've been dealing with dissociation and ptsd symptoms. It has finally go to a point where I can recognize those symptoms and I opened up to my Psychiatrist about it. She told me I had been experiencing some symptoms of ptsd.
I'm in denial because I feel like what I went through is too minimal for me to be so upset about, I feel like a phony. It affects me to the point where I cannot live a normal life anymore. I'm so lost right now. I know what I'm feeling is real and how it is impacting my life, but another part of me is in complete denial.
It started in my childhood and I have had some other traumas in my lifetime. Is it possible to have multiple traumas while having ptsd? I'm not sure if that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that is it possible to have a trauma during childhood make you more susceptible to react poorly to situations in the future?
I have so many questions and feel so lost right now. It'll be about another month before I see a therapist due to money situations within my family. I just need to let things off my chest I guess.
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ptsd
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Do you get them too?
I am currently on dexefetamine 15mg twice, and I started to notice that around 7-9pm I get a cold chills for a while my second dose I usually take at 2pm - I guess then at 7-9 the meds wear off. Food or hot drink does not prevent it either.
Is this normal, is there something I can do about it and maybe can I time this to make it easier to go to bed ?
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ADHD
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I've only been taking the medicine for 3-4 months, I think, and these side effects have come and gone. For the record, I also get blurry vision whenever I'm really tired in general, and this does seem to happen around the same time of day so I could honestly just be tired, I'm just an anxious butt and want to know if anyone else has experienced this.
I think sometimes these are because of caffeine, but all I had to drink today that was caffeinated was a sweet tea about an hour before I took the medicine. The psychiatrist I had sucks and didn't even tell me what side effects to be cautious of (and either diagnosed me on accident or forgot she did, but that's another story). I'm waiting to hear back about seeing a new one, but until then I'm trying to figure out if I should be concerned about this.
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ADHD
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I get swept up into these incredibly motivated, goal-oriented spans of time (usually a few months) where I make great progress in things but I'm not sure if it exactly makes me happy. I've always felt happiest working on my own goals and learning things on my own time but it seems like this is always generally frowned upon. I wonder how many of my goals/interests are just me trying to fit in with others by trying to be "successful" by most standards i.e. physical fitness/finances. It's lame that this idea has even gotten into my head before that my friends who are already happy with their lives should maybe be doing "more with their lives" because of FOMO or something.
Kinda seems like in general parents seem to think you've failed them or are not doing enough unless you are always busy working and/or socializing. Relationships with girlfriends seem to deteriorate when I'm less industrious (financially at least), which is kind of lame because close relationships are really important to me. I've met many people who feel a lack of purpose in their life if they DON'T have a job, something I've never understood. I guess people are just different. I just wanna find an awesome partner to chill with, play video games with my friends, learn cool stuff, and work out all the time(without feeling self conscious about weight/body dysmorphic)without people trying to make me feel like a loser for not wanting to always be earning or spending precious money all of the time. Is that too much?
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aspergers
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TLDR: I'm 29, quit my job in January, been jobless since, having difficulty landing a job and I think I've lost all hope.
I had thought 2021 was going to be a year I'd turn my life around. I was burnt out at the bullshit I was doing at my previous job, a global PR firm for 2 years, joined straight out of college. I was given the impression that there were opportunities for career growth so I didn't mind the low pay, but after 2 years and having seen the mess the company is in, it's clear it's not leading anywhere. Not only that but the work was honestly pure bullshit, I don't think I learnt anything of use there.
I blame myself a lot for things leading up to this. Whether I should have seen the signs sooner, been more proactive and cruised less. But the truth is I'm terrible at getting jobs. I had gotten that job because I the hiring manager was from a previous internship. I think I leave good impressions because I'm earnest, but it does make me doubt myself a lot.
Anyway, I thought this would be a period of growth... doing online courses, branching into a different industry etc. But the never ending rejection is just crushing. I reached out to old contacts for opportunities, and some interviews showed promise but offers ultimately fell through. In late July I was given a verbal offer (email) for a government job, but it's taking forever for 'approval'. I'm still waiting til today.
I've lost all confidence in myself, and I'm deathly afraid of facing anymore rejection. I've stopped applying. I feel like I've lost my grip on reality, I don't know anything anymore. What am I going to do with my shitty degree in Political Science? People in my country and judgmental and it's like I've lost half the battle with my profile and resume. After each interview I feel like I have no skills, and my anxiety is just makes me doubt everything. Worse still is the sense of shame that compounds this fear, together they give me a crippling sense of dread at even the prospect of thinking about the future.
I can't go back to live with my parents (another whole issue), but I keep going back to the thought that I'm just gonna run out of money for rent and then kill myself. Recently I thought about seeing a therapist but it's really expensive in my country, and I don't trust most of my countrymen to understand anyway (hubris I know). It's a character flaw I have, I don't know how to ask for help. I've stopped talking to friends out of shame and pride.
Anyway, thank you if you've read all that, I haven't written my thoughts out in a while. I'm at rock bottom out here on borrowed time, but I have periods of lucidity and hope, even though it just feels like I'm temporarily blind to my impending doom.
Edit: I just worked up the courage to email the HR person I was in contact with for my job offer. Got an automatic reply they are no longer at that organisation. Fuck my life what is this shit.
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depression
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I’m sixteen and was diagnosed aged fifteen. I’m very high functioning (fully verbal, have neurotypical friends etc) and for the past five days, I’ve been feeling so confused and deeply depressed and deeply deeply insecure to the point of just manic anger at some points. It started when I arrived on Holiday with my family, but my Mum and brother couldn’t come. So I’m with my grandparents and auntie and stuff
I suffer badly from depression, but over the past 5 months have pretty much conquered it due to working with my therapist on stuff.
What could this be, I am very high functioning so change isn’t an issue at all, idk.
Please leave your suggestions on what this could be, thank you
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aspergers
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Recently I’ve been struggling a lot with eating, because I start thinking the food is human substances. I know it’s not, but it really fucks with my appetite.
I can’t eat jam because I feel like I’m eating blood, not noodles because they are like intestines, and not smoothies because they are like- yeah, no you can probably guess.
I keep getting these thoughts whenever I’m about to eat, and they just won’t leave unless I’m distracted while eating it.
Guess that’s what I’ll have to do, but yeah if anyone can relate or anything, feel free to comment.
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OCD
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I've struggled since my first semester. Problems have included:
1) Many focus, organization and procrastination issues related to previously-undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety
2) Being cheated on and losing a 6-year-long relationship, followed by deep depression
3) Advisor's hands-off style at complete odds with my need for guided direction
4) The global pandemic interrupting and essentially stealing a year's worth of time; isolation
5) Trying to find medical professionals, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, etc. who would accept me as a patient and could execute the right treatment with my insurance
6) Not being able to regain enthusiasm for research and not sticking with a project
7) Building myself back up emotionally while attending to my mental issues associated with my disorders
I just had my committee meeting which I had been utterly fearful of, knowing full-well I couldn't possibly present anything of real substance to them, and I was going to have to provide an explanation, and hope they would be semi-satisfied with a half-assed (but not really half-assed) start on a new project. The result: if I don't have an incredibly-improved spring semester, and my research doesn't hit its stride, I will be removed from the program. My department won't recuse me from my research duties, to instead just be a graduate teaching assistant, while I work on myself. I have to do all or none.
I want to do research. I've only ever had one plan in my life, to research epigenetic effects in humans. Since I was in high school. I don't know what else I would even try to do. And now I'm on the cusp of realizing that I do not have the ability to be a scientist, to be in my chosen profession.
I'm not looking for answers or solutions, because I know there really isn't a solution in that simplistic sense. I just needed to write put this out and be in my feelings, because I am scared now.
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ADHD
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Sometimes it feels like I’m in denial like sometimes I feel like the thoughts are actually me just questioning myself instead of them being instrusive but every time I accept the thoughts I get a huge headache and feel depressed
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OCD
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Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)
***STILL NO CHANGE TO THE LAWNMOWER BUDGET!!!***
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aspergers
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I'm just tired of living a lie. Nobody understands me and nobody really gives a shit about me besides my dad and he's losing hope on me too. I can't do anything because of how fucking stupid I am and I'm just so fucking lonely. I know it probably looks like this is all for attention but I'm being 100% serious; I feel like I owe it to this community to thank you for helping me over these months and I really appreciate it, you all do amazing work but I think I'm a lost cause.
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OCD
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I have shown multiple signs of having adhd over the years but I’ve been shut down every single time. I can’t live with it anymore, I’m failing in college because every time I open my assignments on the computer my head zooms off to think about shit that could have happened years ago if I had slapped a penguin or something similar. Every little sound around me enough to make me want to cry and my headphones for music that I used for my anxiety when I’m in public aren’t cutting it anymore. I’m constantly overwhelmed and I’ve started clawing at the insides of my forearms again. And the mess, Jesus Christ alive, it’s like it follows me like a smell. I can’t keep a room clean to save my life because I think “oh I’ll just do that later” boom then a week has gone by and my room is a shithole that a rat would even pass off. Everywhere is a constant reminder of things that I’ve started and thought “one day I’ll do that and it’ll be magnificent” never fucking happens. I’ll take these random bouts of productivity but when you put a task in-front of me I’ll blank out and lose the ability to begin my own sentences. Every doctor I’ve ever seen has said oh well you should talk to your chams instructor, anyone from the UK knows that as the children’s mental health services that’s super hard to get into because of the wait times. I was there for my anxiety attacks but as soon as I voiced my concerns she immediately said that she’d already have known if I did. But that’s didn’t calm my worries as I had hid any and all issues from anyone for years and gone undetected and I’ve done extensive research on adhd in young women and how it’s easily written off as depression or anxiety. So I guess I just wanted to ask if it’s worth trying again as my future looks more like a daydream everyday and I’m falling down to a dark place.
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ADHD
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Forgetting is a healthy aspect of life. It isn't something unnatural. Forgetting your worries, and your struggles, are part of what the brain is supposed to do. We aren't computers with a mechanism that have total storage and recovery of every single moment of our lives. So remember this when you are practicing therapy and letting go of your thoughts. Forgetting is part of that, and that is the part that causes a lot of distress, at least for me.
If you have trouble forgetting, distract. As they say in Spanish, diviertese/divertir (have fun), which originally comes from Latin "divertere" ("to turn away"; "to separate"). Similar to diverge in English. So remember to have fun, which is to forget your troubles, to separate from them. People have done this for all of human history, and it works.
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OCD
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Throwaway. It’s a possibly identifiable story so yeah. Sorry this is long.
Trigger warning: sexual harassment, eating disorder
4 1/2 years ago I went throw 4 weeks of hell. I got a job at a small restaurant. I was a dishwasher. I sat in the back and did homework when there were no dishes to be washed. I didn’t mind it. 2 weeks later, I was made waitress after the other one quit. This was when he started.
Background: Dude was in his 50’s, immigrated from Thailand, owned the restaurant, and didn’t speak a lot of English (important detail).
The first time anything suspicious happened was when I came show ready. I’m in a comedy troupe and usually wear red lipstick while performing. So I wore it to work, not thinking much of it. As I entered and grabbed my apron, he looked and me and said, “you need to wear make up like that all the time. Very sexy, get me tips.” I looked at him confused. My first thought was he didn’t 100% understand the word sexy. So I told him I didn’t like him using that word and I do this for shows and that’s it. He said okay and I didn’t think much of it.
Next day I come back for my shift and he asks me why my make up isn’t done the way he told me to do it (aka no lipstick). I told him I only wore it for the show. He told me that I needed to go home and put it on. I said no and the restaurant started filling up. Only waitress, he needed me there.
As I went to leave, he again looked at me and said, “next time, wear lipstick. You look sexy you get me tips.” That time it was weird. I had explained the word the night before. I again expressed I didn’t like him using that word towards me and he said okay.
Called my mom that night. She told me to start keeping a log of when these comments happened. So I did.
It became more than comments, though. Over the next 3 1/2 weeks it was touches on the small of my back, blatantly staring at my boobs, telling me to look sexy for him to get him tips like I was some sort of prostitute, watching me clean the bathrooms and grabbing his crotch while I did. I kept meticulous notes.
Finally, he tried to get physical. He attempted to grab my waist and then my butt as I was taking food to customers. I cried that night to my mom. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too blatant and too much. I was so scared that he was going to become violent one of these days. Mom told me to walk in and get my paycheck the next day, cash it, and never go back to work. So I did.
None of my roommates thought what was happening was concerning and one told me to just relax, he’s just confused about the language and his culture might be more touchy. They made me feel like my discomfort may be racist. I didn’t know what to do because accusing him of hiding behind the excuse of a language barrier did seem racist. It made me very conflicted. It was the reason I never pressed charges. I did report him to the business bureau though.
Thing is, no one takes me seriously. No one understands this is sexual misconduct. No one understands why I never walk that block of the street anymore, even with my husband who is a large man. I’ve been told to get over it because others have worse trauma. I told my husband to never call me sexy because that word has been ruined for me forever. My councilor has told me to forgive and forget and not let his words effect me.
But they do. I freeze every time I see him. I can’t handle the thought of speaking with him again. I didn’t tell anyone until a few months into the next job I got (fast food joint), I had a panic attack because he walked in the door and the manager at the time (bless her because she saw something was up) replaced me for a moment and then pulled me into the office and had me explain. She never made me interact with him. She could tell he scared me.
It’s been 4 1/2 years and I still have nightmares. I still lose sleep. I still hate him. I relapsed into my eating disorder because of him. I relived trauma from middle school bullying. I lost all confidence I gained in myself. I didn’t want men to touch me. It took my now husband coming into my life to start trying to heal, but the healing is at a stand stilly
I don’t even know why I wrote this. It was just on my mind a lot today and I just feel like I should get over it, but I can’t. The reason I developed my eating disorder was feeling out of control of my body as I went through puberty and that’s what this felt like. He never touched me, but the leers, the comments, the actions, made me feel out of control of my body which led to the relapse. It took a year to get back into recovery. I just feel very heavy today and needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.
(Note: he kept my tips because apparently if you pay minimum wage he thought you could. The Business bureau investigated him over that, not the sexual harassment.)
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ptsd
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THINGS HE DID (Not a complete list)
\-told me my rapist was going to find me and abuse me again, when I tried to expose my rapist on social media -would tell me I did something right and the next day tell me I did the same thing wrong -tell me I had to go five years without mental health breakdowns or major symptoms before we could have kids -told me I couldn’t have kids because I had addicts and autism in my family -affirmed that I was displaying autism symptoms and then randomly one day, told me I was being disrespectful for saying I was having symptoms -treated me extremely poorly when I was taking care of him after he got surgery -belittled his parents in front of me on Halloween, pointing at me and snapping-saying “go upstairs” harshly so I wouldn’t hear -saying I needed to quit my job because my stress was stressing him out -would demand I make every food item perfectly, fold every shirt perfectly, and never forget to leave anything off the grocery list or he would get incredibly mad and bring it up over and over -never apologized -made me cry and then watched me cry myself to sleep -tell me he wanted to hear about my trauma and then later said I was oversharing to be insensitive -claimed I gave him mono and got incredibly mad (I’ve never had mono) -got mad about where I chose to get a COVID test -yelled at me while I was having a panic attack -I didn’t text him back for an hour and he claimed I was ignoring him, and being ableist -claimed he was going to ruin his exes lives -claimed that all his exes (except for one) were pieces of shit -claimed that my brother in law was allowed to be abusive, because he is disabled -on the day my favorite celebrity died, he told me my grief didn’t matter because he was having a bad day -made me wear almost exclusively his clothes when I was living with him-I could not wear clothes that were too feminine by his standards -got mad at me when I accidentally let two of his dogs out instead of one, meanly told me to “figure it out” when I asked how to get them back in the house -told me I needed to take all the stickers off my water bottle because I would change my mind and it was unprofessional -told me I manipulated him into asking me out in the first place -he didn’t have any friends that he didn’t cut off immediately -would almost always claim to know more than me -told me someone would have to be “close to god” to date him -told me to get rid of my ESA cat -made me text him on an app that erased the messages -said that me going to a psych ward to fix my medication issue after we broke up was me threatening suicide -told me he was going to kill himself if Covid got worse -would tell me I was hallucinating/experiencing delusions when I wasn't -told me I was drinking before I saw him when I was sober at the time
and finally accused me of being the only abusive one at the end of it all.
I always gave him a lot of credit and forgiveness since he struggled with schizophrenia and lots of other issues. And he never hit me or called me a bitch so……
And he could be so nice. Mostly toward the beginning.
What does everyone think?
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OCD
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Hey Redditors!
I’ve become a lot more analytical over the years. In growing up, I dealt with a lot of neglect, was a parentifed child and had to deal with a lot of heavy shit very you g. These days I don’t cry much - but I am aware of my emotions / do have close relationships. I’ve been working on trying to be more vulnerable and ‘in my body’ with a counsellor.
I’m curious, how have you come to develop more of an emotional/vulnerable self? And more connected to your feelings?
My analytical side can take over hard - even when in discussion of feelings/emotions. And I know a lot of it is related to my childhood, trauma and certain overused muscles in navigating the world.
Thank you!
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ptsd
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I feel like I might’ve seen something like this, but does OCD ever like, command you? I say “I don’t want to feel that way. I’m a good person and THIS is how you feel.” And OCD says “no. You’re not allowed. THIS is how you feel.” Like almost forcing you to accept something about yourself that’s just not true?
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OCD
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TW: mention of suicidal thoughts
I know i have ocd. i know i have intrsuive thoughts and compulsions. im going to therapy. but i still feel like deep down im a horrible person (a murderer, pedophile etc.) and the feeling will not go away. what do i do from here? how can i make my ocd manageable and stop feeling this way? its disrupting my everyday life and sometimes makes me suicidal because i feel so guilty.
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OCD
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I have noticed this throughout my life, the strong feeling of decisiveness, a realization of what I should or have to do. This usually happens later in the day, after I have made the same error once again.
This has become painstakingly clear after I have become romantically involved with someone that has pulled away because of stress and being busy. I push and make myself way too available. I am cognizant of this.
I then wake up, and soon I've sent a new text. I then respond way too soon or send another text. The realization that this is not the right approach hits me, and I decide to ease up for the rest of the day. At night I am convinced that I have to let her approach me. I then wake up and do the same thing over again.
While being in love has made this problem a lot clearer, I have struggled with this all my life. I know that motivation and such will present itself at night as you cannot do anything until the next day. But this should be a lot simpler. I just have to NOT do a thing. But I can't help myself, the impulsivity hides behind every weak moment, and suddenly I have made the same mistake again. Further pushing her away, or not letting her breathe.
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ADHD
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So I started uni in September, in London. I live at home (about an hour commute) but really wanted to make friends and make an effort to have fun. Went to a few freshers events and had so much fun and I didn’t want it to end. Got to the point where I hated living at home and just craved having fun 24/7 that I was thinking about jumping in front of the train on the way back home because I didn’t wanna leave. About 2 weeks into this I broke my ankle and couldn’t do anything for about 2 months. I HATED EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF THAT SHIT and all I wanted to do was get back out. I finally get better and am able to go out again. Again, fucking love going out. Then I get fucking mono from 1 night and now can’t drink or anything for months. WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS. THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THIS SHIT IS REAL I SWEAR TO GOD IM NOT DOING THIS SHIT. THE BEST FUCKING TIME OF MY LIFE RUINED FOR NO FUCKING REASON IM DONE BYE
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depression
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***Trigger warning to those that have been abused and child abuse****
I turned my step father in 7 years ago end of February arrested on March 1st. He did everything imaginable to me and my siblings. He tortured us, raped us every day if not every other day, ect. Even to this day I feel his hand on me. Starved, raped, beaten, tortured (hooked onto a car battery and water boarded) , attempted homicide. My step father tried to kill me many times. He choked me until I was unconscious, put a gun to my head, tried to drown me, strangulation, the works. I have a boyfriend but he's gone on a family emergency down in Florida. I'm trying to be positive and say "I'm out of the situation and I'm alive and so are my siblings" but I'm still struggling with being okay. Just in general work is almost impossible and I'm trying to be strong for my siblings... I just feel empty today. Anyone feel the same as me with anniversaries of trauma? Fu*ck everything currently.
My siblings try to celebrate every year on the day that I "saved" them but I shouldn't have had to do that. My step father was a cop, a Mormon (we live Utah) and was well respected. A lot of people like to turn their heads away in shock and disbelief of the fact that it happened for 16 years but I feel it evey day. Does it ever get any easier?
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ptsd
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Nobody loves me. If nobody loves me, how do I find love? Nobody cares about me. If nobody cares about me, how do I find somebody who will care about me?
You look to the unloved and uncared for. You look for the misanthropes. The depressed. The ones with “issues”. The ones that are broken. The ones with the same damage as you. Who listen to the same sad songs. Who avoid their parents for the same reasons. That hold the same fantasies of finding another piece of driftwood to grab onto in life.
That’s it. The rest of the world looks greyed out. It loses color and dimension. People become the same: happy, satisfied, and boring. They don’t understand you. They may even have tormented you. They certainly don’t care about you, and they could never love you.
The world shrinks. It just becomes you looking out. Like a diver sunk in a giant aquarium. You put on your headphones and close yourself off. Nobody ever notices you. You figure, if anyone could understand you, they would reach out. Years go by and that never happens. You’re truly alone. That “somebody” doesn’t exist. It’s just you.
This is true loneliness: the feeling of complete anonymity in the world. The total disconnection from other people. To become, essentially, a ghost. To lose the sense of reality of the world being populated by other human beings and instead, to look at life as a progression through a series of dreary scenes inhabited by alien figures.
And the irony is the longing that accompanies this dissociation. The obsession with finding color amongst a grey crowd. The frantic belief, no matter how well suppressed, that shouts from the subconscious that there is somebody out there. That somebody else walks around that foggy cityscape looking for you. And the damage is not knowing if you missed them in that grey crowd. How do you really know who is who? In your indifference you latch onto superficiality.
A penchant for those advertisements of “alternative” lifestyles brings you in like a moth to a lamp. A discussion about Kafka and quantum mechanics. A walk in the woods trading stories about anxiety attacks, and suddenly there you have it: you’re in love. In your desperation you forget how to know another person. In fact, you never learned from the beginning.
Fear of abandonment becomes fear of intimacy. A missed date becomes a night going through your anti-anxiety medications in order of potency. A comment about their relationship with their parents starts a fight. You know they felt the same hurts you did. Why don’t you understand one another anymore? Then comes the breakup. The solo car ride home. The days spent on the couch. The world gets even greyer. Who can you trust?
Nobody loves me. If nobody loves me, how do I find love? Nobody cares about me. If nobody cares about me, how do I find somebody who will care about me?
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depression
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I don’t mean to. I just say what’s on my mind when asked and it’s always honest but it can offend people. Like if someone asks me if I like their chord progression idea while we’re working on music and I don’t my first instinct is “not really” but I really don’t wanna say that. It just slips out. But that’s rude to just say “not really” instead of saying “i like it but maybe change this or that.” But I do this all the time and I don’t know how not to and that’s why I stay quiet most of the time but even then I slip up
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aspergers
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When hanging around new friends, I don’t show many expressions and if I do they’re not perceived well because I’m biting my lips under my mask so I don’t say an intrusive thought out loud and they think I’m giving them dirty looks and I’m treating them like shit. Pretty sure she was whispering abt me behind my back today with my other friend and she’s starting to ignore me. I have said intrusive thoughts out loud with other friends as well which leads them to have negative views of me and because of this they don’t treat me with dignity and respect. Also I never told them that those were intrusive thoughts, though the know I have ocd. People in one of my classes talks bad abt me in front of my face and one of my friends friends has said rude things towards me in front of my face and then she agrees but acts nice in front of me. I feel like I have no real friends. When I talk to myself I see my friends look at me and whisper about it or call me out for it in school. This is especially awful considering people in this friend group have mental illness so they should be empathetic. Have any of u guys had similar experiences? I hope things get better :/
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OCD
|
I'm always kinda tired and burned out feeling, so naturally I go to energy drinks. Sometimes though it really just feels like I'm wasting my money. The effect is so slight it's almost not worth it. It's always been that way. I remember being 16 and trying my first 16oz monster energy drink, I immediately fell asleep and took a nap. 😮💨
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ADHD
|
Looking for some support for emotion based trauma. My therapist told me a couple of weeks ago that I indeed have almost every hallmark symptom of PTSD. I feel weird given the stigma associated with war and more physical situations like a car accident, rape, kidnapping, etc. My situation isn't like that at all but produces a lot of the same results.
My wife of 14 some odd years has separated from me, and I recently found out she cheated on me more than what she said (first was online, and then told me it was never physical, but I'm finding out it was).
I get these intense flashes of them doing the deed in my head. Obviously I was not there, but I know enough to piece it together. I also don't know when they started their relationship but given how she was dressing and acting, I can only assume he was intimate with her long before I stopped being intimate. I also know they didn't use protection so I am worried about my health.
When these flashes come into my head I go into intense moments of rage, or sadness, or denial, or nauseous disgust. I've thought about killing him (obviously, I wont), I've thought about walking up to him and knocking him out (which I am still on the fence about), and come hell or high water his wife will find out. Either from me or someone else, I'll make sure of it one day when the time is right.
I'm also trying to reconcile getting my wife back but that's another story and I'll spare the details. I'd prefer to make the post about my mental health and not about relationship advise. I've been getting it all from both sides on that front and really the only person I can trust is myself with that.
I'd like to find healthy ways to make this pain go away or subside somewhat without drugs. I can't hardly visit a coffee shop, talk with people on the phone or do my job without it popping up at random times.
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ptsd
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What can I call myself if I had ocd, adhd, ptsd, stress, anxiety, depression when I had all at the same time? for example, can I call myself a superhero, a hero or something like that?
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OCD
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My psychiatrist put me on this a year ago and it's been revolutionary in my treatment for ocd.
It's an unusual medication and rarely used. People, even doctors I've spoken to, get it mixed up with fluoxetine which is prozac. It's not that.
I was presenting with very intrusive thoughts and I couldn't get them out of my head but now I'm much better.
I just thought this might help other people in a similar situation who are looking for a drug to try.
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OCD
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Edit to add: Thank you for the replies everyone! I've learned something new today, I have synesthesia which is causing my reaction. Turns out its not an ADHD trait after all but I appreciate the help anyway!
**Before I start my rant and forget: can we get a flair that just says "can you relate?" So I can vent and see if other people feel the same, without having to choose between all of the non-relatable/depressing flairs?
*and now back to my question: there are some songs that just hit different and I want to know if this happens to anyone else with ADHD or if I'm just a freak. Okay, so I don't really know what it is about them. It might be a memorable moment and the song that was playing in the background. But I swear I can smell and taste some songs.
For instance, the song "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy tastes like Angry Orchards & Fireball. But it smells like a sweaty, smoke filled garage that dogs lived in. This is because we use to party in a garage and this song was often played.
Tonight a song came over the radio and I told my husband "this song smells like being broken down in my college parking garage". He's used to me saying this stuff, happens often enough. But he always has the same face. He doesn't say anything but his face says "I have no Idea what you're talking about"
So does this happen to you or am I a weirdo? I thought everyone could smell and taste some memories?
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ADHD
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I've read things that don't match what happens to me at all and some things that hit straight to the bone and even made me throw a tear or two on understanding myself. However I'm not sure if I understand how this all works, isn't this just a category of traits? Or is there a more logical explanation? Seems like just a tag to me but a really accurate tag
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aspergers
|
Hi everyone, I am currently doing a course at the moment. When we signed up they said laptops are handy but not necessary, we don't need them, as long as we can do our work online at home. So that is fine I use my PC at home. But there is 1 teacher who always asks "Who has a laptop?" and I feel singled out because I don't have one. It's because he doesn't want to move to the computer room and prefers to stay in the classroom all day. I don't know if I am making it into a big deal but then I hear other people out loud complaining about "Why should we move for a few people, it's not fair." Etc. The thing is part of the course I am studying is about accommodating people with a disability at school which I find ironic lol. No one knows I am a diagnosed aspie but I don't feel like it should make a difference.
Anything I should do? I was so upset, because I feel like a burden in the classroom every week. I almost don't want to go but I have to. Then if we don't go to the computer room I sit there like a pork chop cause I can't do some of the work, and if I were to go home it would affect my attendance which I don't feel is very fair.
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aspergers
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Tagged NSFW in case peeing and pooping is gross to people.
\---
I've heard of people holding their biological processes (peeing) because their ADHD simply prevents them from wanting to stop what they're doing and change direction, and I can relate. But I have this habit when I'm waiting for something to happen but I'm removed from a comfortable place where I can be distracted/relaxed to just start doing random work, and it kind of works? to an extent? Like, I actually feel like I'm doing work at an okay pace, and I'm suddenly full of energy and motivation. It's like I feel like I have t minus whenever I'm done pooping/waiting, and I have to fill to do as much productive work in that time because wouldn't it be cool if I finished a whole essay during that time and got a headstart on next week's assignment and- okay, I'm done pooping. Back to sitting at my desk and not being able to get *any* work done.
Anyways, idk if this happens to anyone else, but do you folks also have to be confined to some place to actually do work? Cause it just feels like there's more stakes or you're somehow more motivated?
I have no idea what this is called if this is a thing, but I appreciate any solidarity lol.
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ADHD
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I’m not sure if this is truly depression related but this sub is the closest thing to a group of people that might know what it feels like not to have the will to do anything
I used to know what I wanted to do in life. I had direction. And then I actually tried doing it and it ended up being shit. I’ve always loved automobiles since I was really little. So I figured why not try to be a mechanic? The schooling was great but I also realized I don’t have a social life outside of school and probably never will. I just simply do not care to interact with anyone.
Anyways, long story short I get into another trade and it ended up being laborious and shitty. The car working on part didn’t suck so bad it was just the people and the stress. And I was also being emotionally fucked by the fact that for whatever reason I just randomly get upset about my ex’s and can’t let things fucking go. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop being upset about them. And this still happens with relationships I had years ago where my stupid brain just gets upset for no good reason over someone who doesn’t love me anymore I fucking hate it
I got fired and was devestated and ever since then I had zero motivation or direction to do anything else. My parents kept teasing me saying I should go work at McDonald’s. I’ve had shitty labour jobs in the past and would rather jump a cliff than to do something like that again. Did maybe 4-5 years of that absolute garbage and I hated it. Had to deal with a bunch of toxic relationships too at the same time so there was many days at work where I’d be hiding having a full mental breakdown. 12 hours a day of no talking to anyone and just sweeping. A truly awful way to live
and when I get upset I just buy stuff. I never noticed I did this until recently. I always associated buying stuff online with Christmas, and usually you are pretty happy at Christmas. So for years I’d just keep myself content buying parts for my car. So I’m basically broke scum but I have a nice car that doesn’t work properly. It’s the only thing I’m proud of. And the bane of my existence. Always putting me in financial ruin on a weekly basis
without that car I’d have nothing. I’d simply wish to cease existing than to lose that car and all the stupid bullshit it’s put me through. If you’ve ever seen the moving “christine” it’s like that but a thousand times worse. That car has been with me at every low point in my life and has cost me many relationships. Stupid fucking car
TLDR: I have no direction in my life, my past relationships are ruining me and my car is fucking stupid
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depression
|
I’ve been in constant fear that I am possibly spreading Covid-19 to my family in my home. I have to constantly clean off items because I fear “What if” it is on these certain items. I know it’s nothing wrong with being clean, but I feel like OCD is most likely contributing to this.
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OCD
|
My brother often downplays his ocd but it's literally keeping me awake. his rituals are so fuelled by high levels of anxiety he makes heavy fast footsteps and slams doors as he repeatedly checks the bathroom taps.
I think he needs professional help, but I know he is set against the idea. How can I help him?
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OCD
|
I'm 20 yrs never had a gf or bf been an experience being loved by someone you like I'm afraid that im going to die without doing the stuff i like gosh it feels like drowning, fucking hate myself i gain weight again
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depression
|
Hello everyone! I am new here! Pleased to be here! I've dealt with OCD since I was little. It has never been overwhelming, and I thank every day for that.
I just recently had a bad breakup though. I noticed that my thoughts that "something bad is around the corner". It's no coincidence that it started after the breakup. Now I find myself wanting to jump out of my skin and having to do rituals more often to comfort myself. Anyone else gone through the same?
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OCD
|
M/21
Hello there,
I am an unmedicated ADHD brain
I have flat-out issues with relationships with girls I'll say that upfront. I witnessed a lot of shit as a child which scarred me relationship-wise. My parents had a poor relationship; a lot of fighting, swearing, job tension, physical intimidation (in relation to the particular job which does enforce violence), physical abuse, overall just trauma.
regardless I became very passive, my goal was to avoid at all cost repeating the behavior of my father. In a relationship sense, I would be considered a "nice guy". I also don't want to be narcissistic but I believe I am quite an attractive male. I'm physically fit, 5'11 which is arguably not that tall, regardless, I have a presence I am aware of. People comment on my looks a lot, in both plutonic and intimate ways. I try to not think about it and let it go to my head, but it is a societal norm that people of my stature are seen as attractive. It definitely helps with confidence although.
Because of my looks, I find both girls and guys try to make advances. I honestly understand the discomfort girls experience being catcalled. I feel continually narcissistic saying this but I'm just being blatantly honest, I think it's important to my situation; along with my looks, I do perform quite well in bed. I don't leave girls unsatisfied, put it that way. Where I fall short is my personality. I attribute this to just my weird obsessions in life. I have so many hobbies. I have found my ways of just being successful through hyperfocus on the things I love. The new roommates I moved in with in September say to me "how are you just perfect at everything"; they're also 4 girls. I honestly just give off this vibe to people. Combining this with my trauma to be just a virtuous person I have been just as successful. I feel that these positives almost push people away.
My mom is truly my idol. She defines her personality as a "helper". She has such an open view that people can truly change. She would tell me that people need to be present in who they are to recognize their behaviors. With my father, I just saw her go through so much. Their job is high stress/high intensity so I have come to accept a lot of my father's poor behavior. She always stood strong, but more than that when I was right she always stood with me even as a child. We were a team and I cannot thank her enough for that. My father cheated on my mom when I was in university, I took it upon myself to support my mother, I had to talk to her through manipulation she was experiencing which was just beyond horrific; my father targeted PTSD trigging events in my mother's experiences. I still believe the trauma he induced in her from those moments, is the only reason she is still with him today. Her trauma became my trauma. I sucked myself into it, but I really saw no other option, she's my mother, and for all that she has done for me.
I hope you're following, to where I am now. I am disgusted by male aggression, especially towards females. It hurts me on the inside. I've had past relationships where people questioned why I was so passive, that I'm too nice, I've heard it all. This has just become who I am at this point. I find it weird because I really do feel abnormal because of it. It causes me so much stress because I struggle to find girls who actually enjoy this. I don't think I go overboard with it, my niceness typically just extends through patience and understanding. I don't go preaching my views, I simply try to just be happy at all times, without going overboard, there is a normal limit. Guys typically hate this positive mindset, I get along better with girls because of this. I don't think I give off homosexual vibes??? Most people say I give off "fuck boy" vibes based on looks.
That's just it although I make great friends with girls. 80 percent of my friends that I consider close are girls. intimately girls lose interest in nice guys, it's a sad reality. Maybe I am going to the wrong girls. I 100 percent am too picky but I am stubborn in that way.
Now that you understand my introspective personality, this brings me to my obsessive tendencies with girls I find attraction in. It takes both personality and looks for me. I met a girl last April we hung out a few times, but we both moved home and kind of stopped talking, based on honestly both life position and distance. She also has ADHD and is unmedicated. I honestly really liked that we could share that. It's nice to be understood, rather than questioned.
When I moved back she started to reengage with me. I've now been sleeping over and hooking up with her. She holds my hand while we sleep, she kisses me when I get there and kisses me when I leave. She tells me how much she enjoys my company because of my positivity. She says it's a really nice change from the norm. I have been sleeping with her more than in my own room. We go to the gym in the morning together. It is just a really healthy relationship in all its actual expression. Now I asked her kinda what we are doing, not directly. She has pulled back now slightly and I am just confused.
This has been such a repetition and story of my life kind of situation. I obsess about what either I am doing wrong, or about what I can do next, which is in part why I am writing this post. I am supposed to be writing a paper. I'm struggling to get creative inspiration in it. I've been distracted by this girl. I think by placing these thoughts in a written form I can just temporarily let them fester in the Reddit realm. it's sad to say but this is why I don't pursue girls often, I always get like this, and it's emotionally exhausting.
I'd really appreciate any advice that I could either A) apply to this girl I am talking with now, or B) to future relationships.
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ADHD
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Both are equally important but I can't have both suicide seems like the only option now.
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depression
|
I feel like I've lived with this anxiety for so long that I can no longer tell what's up or what's down even when I'm relieved of anxiety. Quizzes about my feelings have always been difficult to answer but now everything is such a blur. I don't trust myself anymore, and I've totally lost myself.
I suppose this isn't just HOCD; this is more about identity of the self. Is there any hope of finding myself again? Or is there anyone else who's going to suffer through this with me? I don't know how to be honest with the people I surround myself with anymore.
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OCD
|
I have PTSD from childhood trauma (neglect, abuse, domestic violence and sexual abuse), and 3 years ago my nephew was abused for the first 8 weeks of life, before being placed with me whilst undergoing medical testing for physical abuse and being malnourished, the testing I saw him go through, the crying I have never experienced before, babies have a type of cry and this is full fear...
Anyway, I have my first session of grievance counselling tomorrow, as my nephew was adopted and I just never got over it, I never dealt with any aspect of it... I blame myself a lot for the pain he went through, I know I shouldn't bit I do.
Anyway, today I for the first time in my life, actually told myself I'm allowed to be upset, im allowed to cry and heal... it felt so refreshing!
I know the journey will be long and I know I'll never 'get over' it, but I can't live my life in this turmoil and self blame anymore. I don't deserve it.
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ptsd
|
So I was watching a trolling in vr chat video, anyway they started using real life props like for example, a trampoline, they started doing front and back flips, just tiny ones, I have actual serious anxiety from seeing any flips, cause I start to get ruminations of not landing it right if I did one, i never want to do flips anyway.
But I watch a youtuber do a flips and it look like he landed on his neck not really sure, but I started having ruminations about that video, they did a slow mow of it, the guy was fine, he still posts videos, anyway I started feeling phantom feelings in my neck and now I'm scared I'll impulsively do a flip and then land wrong.
I am the most clumsy person I know, I can barely walk right sometimes, so I hate seeing flips cause now I'm anxious about it.
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OCD
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons. Guys before I start, please also don’t try to stop me, this is not something I planned in a whim and I have my reasons. And don’t rell me things will get better etc. I’m so tired of hearing and believing that.
So the last 7-8 months things have took a turn for the worst. My entire family became mentally unstable and I’m just being everyone’s therapist. I’ve suffered a lot, a lot of this year was a blur and just me constantly getting panic attacks and getting triggered or pushed around.
In September I made my decision to move out and take my older sister to live with me. I was hoping she would try to get better and recover but apparently her definition of recover is become a bitter person who deliberately intentionally hurts me and makes me her live in therapist and verbal punching bag. There is nothing I can do about this because she is unemployed and the only other place to go is to send my sister back to my abusive old home which me and my boyfriend decided that wasn’t good. Sooo essentially I have to live with it for god knows how long. But I have been on my last leg for way way way too long. And now I’m tired and can’t put up with this any longer.
Because of just me literally not mattering to anyone but my boyfriend, I just kinda decided I don’t think I want to live anymore. Not only because I’m done with people but I feel like with how bad I can get when I lose my shit because of this, I feel like I’m hurting more people by existing. I dont think i do any good in this world and I’m also just a bad person. I know my boyfriend loves me more than anything but also, sometimes I think he could be more focused on what is right compared to what I can actually live with. And if really other people’s security matters more than mine to him but he wants me to be happy, I think my only way is out of this world.
I can’t find help bc mental healthcare abroad is expensive but mental healtcare here in my country is extremely bad. Medication does not help me. I tried just self help but it also doesnt help me at all. I can’t just cut ties with my entire family for many many reasons. And abt my sister, if i kick her out impulsively, my boyfriend would judge me. So my only way is out.
I already know when and how I’m going to do this. I’m pretty sure it will work. But right now need to think of how what I want to do before it. Especially telling my boyfriend.
Do I want to tell my boyfriend so that he could break up with me and save him from the heartbreak? Or maybe so he won’t be too hurt when I actually do it? Or maybe so he can plan his life without me? He’s still young and he has so much to life. He shouldnt commit to someone like me. Or do I want to go quietly about it so it won’t haunt him? And so he won’t stop me. Idk.
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depression
|
I am going biking tomorrow, which will fix things I think. But today... I want to be biking, or working out, or ... Something. And I need to be working instead. (Desk job)
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ptsd
|
Hello, I've always been anxious but since I have a PTSD it's much worse and having to be around colleagues and others scares me to the point of avoiding working. I'm going to have to work, I don't know what future job would be best to avoid waking up the symptoms of ptsd, ideas?
My medium-term plan is to give guitar lessons, I've been playing guitar for 10 years, I have a very good level, I would like it to be my job but I lower myself down by telling myself that I still don't play well enough to educate....
thx
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ptsd
|
Hi,
First time posting here, I \[30/m\] got my diagnosis in spring (although I suspected this for a very long time). I am currently not in therapie but looking for one.
I am together with my wife for nearly 10 years (married for 1) but lately I am not really satisfied with our relationship anymore - I can't pinpoint anythigs that changed drastically.
I had one such phase around 6-7 years ago, but back then ignored it (as I do with many problems) and it went away after a while.
Now that it is back, I am well aware that this is partly my aspie brain speaking and painting everything black (and white). So I am very unsure what even to belive my self.
How can I make sense of my emotions and get order in my thoughts?
I know I should talk to my wife but I don't know how, as arguments between us always end up with me getting quiter and quiter making her even angrier which results in me being even quiter,...
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aspergers
|
Soooo, same old thing everybody else says, meds changed my life and my entire process of approaching *doing* stuff (wow now i can just do stuff like i’ve been told for a decade!!)
BUT this miracle has a caveat. When I’m anxious, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to get anything done. It’s like all that focus and concentration that I lacked before has now been directed exclusively at my overwhelming anxiety.
My actual anxiety levels haven’t changed (always have been anxious, regularly have a heart rate above 140bpm while resting, sometimes struggle breathing, arms are shaky, etc…) but the amount i NOTICE then has. Before it was easy for me to just… forget that i was anxious since i constantly moved from one thing to another and my anxiety was just a part of that cycle.
Now however, once I realize my anxiety (for example, feel my heart beating or remember something that i have coming up), my ENTIRE stupid broken brain decides that i can’t do or think about anything else until i’m not as anxious.
I seriously don’t know what to do. When I’m in a space space (like the bottom floor of my college’s library where I’m one of the only people or a coffee shop where I love everybody there and wish I could live there) I can get stuff done. When I’m not however (like me currently sitting at the airport traveling/flying alone for the first time or in my dorm room with a manipulative roommate), my anxiety skyrockets (understandably) and ALL of my brain power goes to focusing on that and that only.
I wish I could just spend my life in a dark cave where there’s nothing to trigger my anxiety but instead I have to be a… person where SO many things trigger my anxiety making it impossible to do anything but think about the physical/mental symptoms of it :((
suggestions??
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ADHD
|
This illness has taken everything from me. I have nothing left to give. Living in constant despair and agony. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. All I can feel is sorrow.
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OCD
|
Evening / morning / whatever to all y'all lovely aspie folks and aspie allies! You are loved.
I've seen many discussions about how many of us identify with specific characters in film, TV, and literature.
But I'm wondering if there are any *songs* that you especially relate to? I've got two that I can think of that are basically my existence and feelings about my place in society in a nutshell:
* *I Want to Break Free* by Queen
* *Numb* by Linkin Park
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aspergers
|
Hello! My first post here (Male, 25). I recently got diagnosed and put on medication – currently on my first week with Elvanse/Vyvanse after trying out Ritalin a few weeks ago.
These first few days has been amazing so far. Though, I often find myself getting these onsets of Anxiety and/or nausea throughout the day. I've made sure to make myself a proper breakfast (and eat consistently throughout the day) + started to phase out my caffeine consumption. This has really helped with the nausea side of things.
Though I'm still at loss about these episodes of anxiety. I know that it's really common to get a dip once the levels of the medication drops in your system. Naturally, I've felt a huge increase in my urge to smoke cigarettes, and I'm starting to wonder if tobacco/nicotine can be a contributing factor to this (as my anxiety seem to come and go whenever it pleases, not being strictly bound to "the dip" itself).
**TL;DR**
What are your experiences with nicotine paired with Elvanse/Vyvanse and any IR versions? Have any of you experienced any correlation between your anxiety levels and tobacco consumption whilst on medication? Maybe it's not connected at all. Do you have any other clues as to what could help?
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ADHD
|
As a young boy in middle school, i was very unpopular and I didn’t have much to offer. I had no friends nor did i talk to anybody all day every day. I was overweight and fairly unattractive, so most of my free time was spent sleeping or playing video games.
Around the age of 14 I felt useless and unlovable, like I was a lost cause. I had nobody in my life and I didn’t feel like I belonged on this Earth with everyone else. I had always felt depressed but too scared to show my family or medical professionals, so I played it off as an ordinary sadness. Though over time I started picking up thoughts of being better off dead than alive.
However, I met a girl and she showed me that I could be loved. That opened up a whole new world for me. I grew in confidence and over time I learned to love myself. I stopped caring about what people thought of me or how they felt about me.
Fast forward 3 years to today’s date. I’m 17 now and I’m nowhere near as insecure as I used to be. I’m a senior in high school and I’m fairly popular as well, but now I struggle with a different variant of the same problem.
I have friends now and people that care about me, therefore I can’t end my life, however for years now I’ve been stuck in an endless loop of “why”. It’s not that I have nothing to life for, but it’s more so “what’s the point in living for it”. Everything about life seems so bland and boring to me. When I think about my future, I can’t see anything because I don’t want to repeat this cycle of trying to find happiness only to realize there’s no point in being happy.
I don’t know what to think but I know that living is painful and sometimes it’s hard to find purpose and reason. Although I can’t end my life because of the ones i love, sometimes I find myself wishing they’d all leave me so that I can find my ending peace.
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depression
|
I was just listening to "simple plan- untitled" and I just broke when I heard "How could this happen to me?" . If you told me this is what would happen to me 2 years ago I would've never believed you. I had such a bright smile. Such a bright smile. This might, or might not be a long post. I might not stay alive for much long after writing this, so I want to explain everything.
Started in 9th grade, when I had a ton of friends, great marks, and dreams for my future. My first theme was harm OCD. I would get these horrible images in my head that made me feel sick to my stomach. I felt like a danger to others and planned on killing myself. Dealt with it for 4 months , and I lost everything in the process. Friends, marks and my confidence. The happy kid is gone.
Oh boy, little did I know what was in store for me. Schizophrenia OCD. I know, seems like another theme. But I have family history. OCD not only convinced me I would develop schizophrenia, it fed me such a horrific scene that made me shudder. According to OCD:
(TRIGGER WARNING)
"so, I would develop schizophrenia without any prodromal symptoms. Then I would have a delusion that my mom is trying to kill me, and I accuse her of plotting to murder me. My mom doesn't understand this is a symptom of mental illness and leaves the home. Then my dad beats me everyday for doing this to her. So , I run away. And then I hear voices telling me to kill myself for the rest of my life till I die."
I cannot do this for much longer. I am being held back by a lie knowing it's a lie. End me please. Medications and therapy haven't helped.
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OCD
|
Hi everyone, just recently discovered this subreddit, been now thinking for the entire day to write a post here asking for some advice, to get to know other people and their experiences.
A bit of background: I’ve been doing therapy for about 6 months now. My doctor told me that I exhibit pretty strong ADHD symptoms, however due to some annoying bureaucratic issues I’m unable to get a proper examination done to state an official diagnosis.
Ever since I’ve been told about a high likelihood of me having ADHD I’ve been thinking non-stop that it might just be me “faking” it: only persuading myself that I have the symptoms while just being a lazy idiot (I suspect similar persuasion have happened before). I have indeed seen and felt quite a bit of those symptoms myself, the biggest one being a relationship that fell apart around 24 and 6 months ago in a pretty much textbook “How ADHD ruins relationships” way (I even found my and partner’s exact quotes in multiple articles!).
I’m always trying to dig into things, explain my behavior/thoughts in some way which ruins the day in the most unexpected ways. I’ve seen multiple posts in here with people also having an “ADHD imposter syndrome”, but I would really like to ask some questions of my own about the aforementioned syndrome and some other things I’m trying to explain in my head.
First of all, I know this’s been asked a lot, but how did you personally get to know and accept that you were different? As in, different on the inside. For my entire life I’ve been annoyed by how sometimes slow some peoples’ thoughts are. I kept pushing them and finishing their sentences annoying the hell out of them as well, but I was always able to find some people who I was on the same “wavelength” with. While I grew closer with these people (and farther with other), a lot of them have been telling me about their suspected ADHD which got me thinking about the boundaries of “normal” that I’ve set for myself. What was your experience?
And second, do you have an issue with over-fixations? In my case, this can happen with music, items, physical movements and even people. Since I was a kid I’ve noticed that when I find a song I like I tend to listen to it on repeat until it physically hurts or when I find another song to cling to. It gets even weirder when it comes to people: some people have just something in them. I can’t even explain what, just something in their looks, voice or behavior that absolutely mesmerizes me. In nearly all cases I don’t even have a romantic interest to the person, just an urge to become closer with them and enjoy their company for even longer. The problem is, in a lot of cases I don’t want to become closer with them. This sounds odd, but that’s the root of the internal conflict. I don’t find the person interesting, I don’t enjoy their personality, but yet due to some minor detail in them I’m being constantly drawn in. Is this something you’re experiencing in your life as well? If yes, how do you live with it?
I know that’s a lot of text which I probably would’ve skipped through myself, so I’m incredibly thankful for your time and will be flattered to the heaven and back if you share some experiences of your own. Contrary to what I’ve written above, I’m a pretty good listener :)
And for people who have indeed skipped over:
TL;DR: What’s your experience in getting to know and accepted your differences? And have you ever had any issues with over-fixations?
Edit: for a bit more context, 21m
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ADHD
|
Okay so long story short i think i have Asperger because I share most of the symptoms,i also done some autism test (some contradicts each other but it's an online test not an official diagnosis) i followed some autistic creators and i can relate to there Experience of founding out they're on the spectrum.
The problem is that i don't have the balls to go and tell them "i think there's the possibility i have Asperger", I'm don't know if it's because I'm still skeptical about all this because still don't come to terms with myself and accept there's the possibility or it's just general and pure fear.
Because what if they don't believe me or just ignore it: because i "function" just fine, so if i have it Or not what difference does it make.
And what if i was wrong and don't Asperger but something just worst for say i Don't think I'm prepare to accept or handle the emotions that comes with that. And what if i don't have anything wrong i would feel so fucking stupid and my credibility would be on the line.
I know it's mainly me being a paranoid shit but i just want answers without feeling judge or anything you know, and also i don't know if this is going to make my family and friend treat me differently like being treated like I'm useless or as a way of discreating me.
So any advice/similar story and just good vibes will be gladly appreciate.
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aspergers
|
Long story short, back in 2019 I had pimple on my hand that I stupidly picked and it became a scar.
Didn’t think much of it throughout 2019 except occasionally glancing at it.
Covid hit and was quarantined throughout 2020 and near the end of the year - around Christmas 2020 - I started going back to examining my scar and developing severe feelings of regret for having picks at my pimple to cause that scar.
My hand feels ugly now.
And since then - I’ve been having constants regretful feelings about it - not sure if this can be labeled as an OCD episode, but I just wonder why I never got so worked up about it back in 2019 - as I do now?
How do I let this go?
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OCD
|
I was in therapy today and I was telling my therapist about my past. As I was telling them, I realized that there is a string of at least 3-5 years where I don’t remember anything but the traumatic events.
If I rely solely on my memory alone, I wouldn’t be able to real precise about those years. I could describe what happened but it all blobs together and there is no distinction between the years in that time.
I told my therapist that the only reason I know about this is that I looked in my records (I have medical trauma and I’ve looked in my charts for different dates). From there, I backtracked and started putting the pieces together for my other traumas and applying what I knew from conversations and other dates I knew about. I thought I remembered what happened when but in reality, I know because I looked at my charts... My memory is *fucked*.
This realization surprises me. I’m typically the type of person that can remember just about anything and be able to recall it. I’m the organized chaos type of person and don’t lose track of things easily. I can pick up a conversation hours later like nothing happened. I don’t need a ton of reminders about what assignments I have due. So, I’m pretty shook up about this and just kind of processing what I realized today.
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ptsd
|
This is a strange quirk I’ve figured out about myself after several years of living alone. When I’m alone, I am much less emotionally expressive. I smile a lot less, my face doesn’t seem to move as much, etc., even though I am feeling emotions at usually the same levels.
It’s not an intentional thing, and it’s not really an extroversion vs introversion type thing, either. The closest way I can explain it is that my brain feels like I’m lacking “an audience” and that there’s nobody to see my smile, or something. But, again, it’s not intentional; I actually wish I was MORE expressive alone. It’s more fun to smile when you’re happy than to just think, “oh, that’s cool” in your head and move on!
So I feel like this is an ASD thing. Anybody else like this??
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aspergers
|
I've got an appointment in March with an NHS Right to Choose provider, but they don't start titration until six months after my appointment. I'm getting very frustrated with waiting and I'm thinking of going private.
I have a little bit of savings to spend on this, but I'm not in a financial position to keep spending lots, and I have a low income.
I know my first appointment will cost money. I know that if I get diagnosed, the report will cost money. I know that a first appointment for medication will cost money, and I imagine the medication will too. Other than that, every provider seems unwilling to tell me the hidden costs.
My GP has said that if I'm on medication with a private provider for six months or so, only then will they consider prescribing me on the NHS . Even after that, I'm assuming I might need to pay for yearly check ins?
Can anyone please give me a ball park of the costs, or at least all the categories of costs I should be aware of?
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ADHD
|
Does anyone here also feel the same ?
I feel like time passes way slower for me than the vast majority of people i interact with. They seem slow and sluggish yet paradoxically they sometimes say "wow today went real fast !" while for me it feels like days have passed. I think it HAS to be My Adhd. If I have to wait a single day for something it feels like torture. A ***Whole*** day of just having that thing in my head locked and unable to remove it. 2 or 3 Days ? A Week ? O.M.F.G... No, forget it. Unless its absolutely necessary I am NOT not gonna do it.
Waiting in queues is absolutely mind melting as time seems to pass slower past 3 or 4 people in the queue. I'll count the seconds, start tapping and fiddling to fill the empty void of time and to try and pass it faster. I'll avoid ways to do things that take too long. Sometimes create faster/ more efficient ways to do the things I do.
My emotions are also fast changing. If I'm mad for example, i wont stay mad for too long. I'll be okay usually 30 mins to an hour later most times. That makes me feel like my emotions don't have weight. They're too fleeting and it makes me look arbitrary and non caring, maybe even cold and calculating to some. I want to actually brood when the feeling is strong enough and not talk for a long while. Make it last you know, have an impact. But no, Soon I'll be doing something unrelated and forget what i was angry, almost like nothing happened.(I'm not saying I want to be dramatic, just to add some gravity to what i feel) I genuinely feel emotion though.
It just seems like I'm at 1.2 or 1.3 times the speed of everyone I know.
If you've played the Mass Effect games, I'd describe myself like a Salarian. I'm so like them. Except you know, the frog eyes and lifespan.
​
P.S. First time post here
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ADHD
|
I am looking for ways to cope when I experience my depressive episodes. I’m 30 and have been dealing with debilitating depression since I was 15. I currently take Prozac and have Xanax for an as needed basis.
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depression
|
Ok so I have noticed a pattern in myself. I have noticed that if I have a lot of coffee or something like anything stronger than soda and have work or a social event I am going to like going to the arcade or anything loud or with a lot of people. I am happy and have fun for a while but then I start to feel mega drained almost like the feeling you get the day before a sensory overload and I’m wondering if this happens to anyone else. It almost feels like I am having more and more sensory overloads as an adult like I did as a child which is weird because for a bit I didn’t have them all that often. I’m almost 24 years old and I’m female if that makes a difference. Trying to movie out with some friends and I’m wondering how I will fair with this issue seeming as I get sensory overloads from going out and then working the next day depending on how tired I am. Idk I guess I’m just looking to see who else is like this and for advice for life on my own I suppose. I worry that I will get overloaded from the change and will start having panic attacks often again. Been a long time since I’ve had those haha. Anyway thanks in advance!
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aspergers
|
Hello all! I am seeing an NP from Valley Medical, but the thing is he rushes appointments; so then I feel like I need to be quick so that I can relieve him and not be nuisance for him and every time we have our appointment I feel that it is just useless( like he just asks the questions from his checklist)! so I would like to go to a private/ community psychiatrist but I am not sure if they accept my insurance through the county, which is Santa Clara Family Plan? Or is it even possible to see a community Pysch.
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ADHD
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