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I keep rereading the same sentence over and over again until I make sure I got it right before I go to the next paragraph, only to repeat it. When I watch a video or movie, I always rewind it to see if I got the subtitles right or if I heard something right. I keep peeking out of the room more than 5 times to see if the bathroom lights are off. When I take a shower, I keep thinking about just how much shampoo I should use and, according to my mom, the amount I used is excessive.
It's very frustrating and takes me forever to get things done. That's pretty much why my family considers me slow.
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OCD
|
I wish people could understand that even having the energy to get out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment for me. A week ago, I felt weighed down by my own executive dysfunction and depression. I'd miss classes. I missed one exam due to confusing the close date and ran out of time to take the other due to trying to take it on an airplane.
I work 5 days a week (soon to be 6 days) and have okay grades in college. Still not enough, I need to be in an organization, gotta have those cords to show off by graduation. I got a near-perfect score on one of my exams, but that is not enough I should've gotten all As in every class. I still need to take the GRE, and I need to get a 5 on writing!Wait, I still have two more loads of laundry to do! And four assignments to finish. And 2 tests to study for!
Just..why can't I ever be enough?
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ADHD
|
Its so stupid, but once I get the motivation to do something, like cleaning, or playing a video game, I feel like I can't stop even after the activity is completely done. For example If I motivate myself to wash the dishes I'll get into it so much, I'll end up cleaning the whole house, the problem is this eats up a large chunk of my day and I end up neglecting other things I had to do that day. Its honesty so annoying, because it happens to me everyday I'll tell myself I'll just check my social media real quick before I do school work, and before I even realize it I've been at it for 3 hours and it's already night time. Can y'all relate? And what do you do about it?
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ADHD
|
Hi all, I’m getting more and more frustrated with my ADHD and the meds I’ve been prescribed forever. They undoubtedly make my life so much easier and less chaotic. My thoughts are consolidated, I’m calmer and less of a spaz. But I have NO personality compared to when I’m off my meds. It’s almost like my sense of humor and wit go out the window. It’s such a catch-22 because I struggle when I don’t take the meds, but at least I’m goofy and happy and fun to be around. I’ve been prescribed Adderall forever and wondering if anyone has similar experiences. I’d love to find a medication that gives me the perfect balance. Thank you in advance
|
ADHD
|
Looking for some anecdotal advice. Been on Cymbalta 60mg for 5 weeks, 30mg for the first week. This is my second stint with it and it worked the first time but then silly me thought I didn’t need it and wanted to try a more holistic approach. Bad idea.
Now I’m back to taking it again along with Wellbutrin. I’m not sure if the Wellbutrin is doing anything for me and I’m considering going off of it on my next doc visit.
My mental health also is not as good as it was when first started medication. Currently I’m not sleeping as well as I would like to be, i still feel sort of low some days or just brain fogged and numb. I will say I am more consistent now than when I went off. More stable.
I guess my question is, is it too early to say the Cymbalta isn’t working? I’m afraid with this being my second time on it that it will no longer work the same.
|
depression
|
Anything that helped you, please
My ptsd broke out really recently. For the first time since then I heard an actual boom and my panic attack was not just hard to breathe and other symptoms but really hard anxiety. I just felt like nothing but hugging someone while also felt like getting tf away from my family for some reason
What helps you?
I keep thinking of my ex. When a friend said he’s sending an online hug it helped tremendously. I don’t wanna rely on my ex or whatever romantic every time I have this. For you does it help more if it’s a romantic partner?
Edit: thank you guys so much. I feel so good seeing all your comments. This is the best decision I could have made right now haha.
A TIP of mine: if you are able to play video games they helped me to just rest the most. That and talking to people. Videos and shows and songs were ok but video games really put my mind on pilot mode and helped me give myself time to relax.
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ptsd
|
Has anybody had lexapro work after celexa pooped out on them or vice versa?
|
OCD
|
I’m going to be honest… I’m struggling. I think I distract myself with work truthfully. For example, I worked for 12.5 hours today instead of the 8 I was scheduled for. To be fair, I AM actually being productive during this time, not just milking the clock. Anyway, outside of work I have no motivation especially when it comes to self care. I struggle to motivate myself to take a shower. It’s been a couple of days already… I think maybe since Saturday? I eat just straight fast food all day because I have no motivation to prepare food for myself. I skip my evening meds quite often as I just can’t be bothered to take them. Does anyone have any advice for me? Feeling lost.
|
depression
|
i cried a lot lmao. i’m getting worried abt how quickly my money is getting drained out of my account but i get paid in like a week or two so i’m trying to stay calm. i’m worried abt my bank statement being sent to my house and my mum seeing that i’ve been sending money for counselling. i’ve decided that i’ll call my bank and ask them to give me a paperless statement for just next month and change the email address to mine. idk why she put her own fucking email address and phone number when we got it open. i feel like she can never just let me be. she’s always like snooping in my room so ofc she wouldn’t let me have my bank account jjst for me. she kept insisting that i tell her my login details??? no??? wtf?? i’m going to go to the atm machine and pay with cash from now on. it was a good session tho i feel a lot lighter. i was able to get a lot of my vest and she was really nice and i just realised i left my water bottle at the field dammit. it’s defo gonna get stolen but i can’t go tomorrow to get it unless i wake up super super early. ugh that means i have to sleep earlier. i have another fucking 9 hour shift tomorrow which sucks ass. i need to eat and shower tonight but that’s it. anyways we talked a lot and i wrote stuff in my journal while she
|
depression
|
I get so upset and I outright refuse to forgive anyone who lies about it. With the whole Amber Heard thing, I've been furious. It really sticks to me painfully. Of course it's not just Amber Heard, a bunch of people have been lying in order to harm others. It feels like acid being poured in your soul.
No one believed me about my assault. CPS never cared. I'm poor, my lack of family made me homeless and still affects me. It's absolutely DISGUSTING seeing people, let alone RICH people, lying about assault and then seeing them get away with it.
I'm tired of it. What the fuck. It seemingly upsets me more than others.
|
ptsd
|
I've been struggling with both insomnia and anxiety the last couple of weeks which I think led me to have a bad flashback. I became stuck in my memory for hours and realized that hours have passed while I've just been crying into my pillow.
At this point I'm beyond exhausted. I want to just sleep so badly but now I'm not going to be able to since I now feel upset. My stress has been worse at night since I'm getting frustrated by my lack of sleep. What can I do to end this cycle?
|
ptsd
|
Just venting. I have real event OCD and it can be pretty terrible. I won't get into the memories themselves, suffice it to say I didn't physically harm anyone or anything like that. But I do wish I hadn't acted the way I did. So many people with real event OCD talk about stuff they did when they were a kid... I was an adult when I acted the way I'm not proud of, which seems worse.
I try not to ruminate, and just accept that the anxiety is there, but it often feels like a cop-out; saying "This is OCD and you don't need to give the thought importance" feels like a way of avoiding taking responsibility for my own actions.
Just frustrated, that's all.
|
OCD
|
I have adhd as well and over the past couple of months i realised some things that are important about me and my social interactions and how to get getter with them.I learned couple of stuff and realised some things about people and their behaviours.
1.eye contact very important it shows that you listening and paying attention very important also you picking social cues from their expression and face.
2.Dont interupt people.This is very important that you are listening as a whole what they have to say.
3.being good at social skills doesnt mean you have to be a fake person or change your personality.
4.Dont try to get liked by everybody,you dont even like everybody.
5.Be aware of when you are talking for too much,if the other person responds with "yes" and "no" answers it is time to stop talk.
6.try not to be condenseding when someone asks for support and try to get on their shoes.
Thats some advices im still learning more myself and try to get better.
|
aspergers
|
Hey there,
I have an interest in what PTSD looks like for other people. If you guys could fill this questionnaire out it would be much appreciated. I have PTSD as well and am curious if there are correlations between prior mental or physical issues before a traumatic event or if symptoms occur in any clusters. I've put options in if you would prefer not to answer, and it's totally up to you whether you actually fill it out or submit it. It won't be shared with anyone else. (Can also be taken down if this is not appropriate for the group.)
Thank you!
[https://survey.sogosurvey.com/k/QXsQXPQQYsQsPsPsPsR](https://survey.sogosurvey.com/k/QXsQXPQQYsQsPsPsPsR)
|
ptsd
|
Hello everyone, we at Lumos Clinical Research Center are recruiting those who suffer from OCD, and currently on an anti-depressant, to our Clinical Trail in San Jose, California. If you are interested in participating in this study, please visit our website to complete an application for this trial. If you are proven to be eligible for this study, we will compensate you for both your travel and time. Our mission is to be part of the process for developing new and safe medications for patients and families in our community.
For more information in regards to the clinical trial, refer to the link below:
[https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04693351?cond=OCD&cntry=US&state=US%3ACA&city=San+Jose&draw=2&rank=1](https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT04693351?cond=OCD&cntry=US&state=US%3ACA&city=San+Jose&draw=2&rank=1)
To apply for our OCD clinical trial, refer to the link below:
[https://lumosclinical.com/enrolling-studies/#!/study/10](https://lumosclinical.com/enrolling-studies/#!/study/10)
|
OCD
|
Or is it only semantics as I got diagnosed with autism and my psychologist don’t use aspergers or high functioning as a diagnosis tool.
|
aspergers
|
I don't know how to describe it. I don't want to suicide. But life seems extremely awful. I am at the lowest point right now. I have been crying for hours and i don't even know why. The only person i have and can trust in my life is my gf. We are both codependent to each other in an unhealthy way i think. We are not doing well for a long time now. On top of that she Will even leave the country for 6 months for a job. She is leaving in 2 months. I can't help but feel desperate. We might even break up because of the distance.
I have noone else in this world. I love her and i don't want to lose her. I don't want to be alone. I have friends supposedly but i dont feel any real connection with anyone. I do not expect life to get any better in the future. Financially i am not good either.
I feel like i have been burying my emotions the last months and that today i exploded. I can't keep fooling myself.
I can't keep studying. I can't keep lifting. I can't keep socializing. I barely eat the last days. Today i went 24 hours straight without eating. I don't have any goals and I can't see life in a positive way. I wasn't like this some time ago , I can't understand what changed.
Whatever you tell me , you can't take my feeling of doom off me
|
depression
|
Hello people. So, I have a question.
I am not 100% sure that I have OCD, but looking at my mental health state, I strongly think so. I just have a question regarding it.
So, I dealt with irreverent and disrespectful thoughts towards other very important people I love and like for a while now. Of course, when you have them in mind, you have concerns about them and you're scared of them. Now comes the question I have been looking for an answer to for a long time now.
Now. Is it normal when your brain then tells you, that you haven't been concerned about these thoughts and are the kind of person who would do the things displayed in these thoughts?
I have been looking for an answer to this question for a while now and would find it really helpful if someone would help me, because then this thought always pops into my mind after I fought the initial thought.
|
OCD
|
I am a 27 year had an 28 year old partner , she left me . I was gotten back together with am ex gf.we talked it out about the issues before we got back together. She came to me with a few finical issues and I guess I was guliable fool came up with a plan working over time and extra cash jobs to help her pay off debt. I explained to her that currently due to the living conditions and life situations I was was attempting to start a think tank company while I work a day job and also living with my co-workers who are also friends. I know these friends are slobs and part of the deal was I would do most of the cleaning and they would pay for food. I know that doesn't give me alot of time to spend with her. I would try my best every day to cook what she likes and keep up balancing life and work, we had our up and downs.
I though we were stable and she suggested we get a dog. I thought it through and was able to afford the dog. She showed me and my room mates a middle sized dog. How ever the dog she showed up with was a extra large dog. We all let the dog size slide. I did not question where she got the dog from. Me and my room mates would train and love the dog. I would pay for all vet bills, training, food, treats, and toys. I was also responsible for daily walks.
On my birthday, I was threaten by her friend who has a crush on her. She made me brush it off. Well from that incident thing started falling apart. After a few weeks she left. She told me she needed help , and wants to work on her self and I believed her , she said she would come back and would be no contact. Well a few weeks have pass and I see she went on a trip with the friend . I ignored it but a few more incidents. I confirm from another friend that they are official and she didn't want me to know.
Well same day I found out this information, 2 mins after having a major accident on the way home. Now due to this accident I am disabled and will have life long injuries. I now have several surgery and several months of healing and physio therapy. Best case scenario I keep my foot and loose all flexibility. How ever the doctor said it is one of worst case he has seen and I may have expect to to amputate my foot if my foot doesn't heal properly. My friends are now all helping me while I heal. Same day I got this information I blocked her and refused to talk to her. How ever the informationof my accident got to my ex gf came saying she came take the dog from me now.
Well Reddit my emotion are mixed, my life is a mess and I feel suicidal, I don't know what I should do. It has been 2 weeks since my accident.
I know I am guliable idiot , but with all that has happened I don't know but I am still in love with her and would wish she would come back. I know that won't happen, and I would be a fool to let that happen.
Reddit I am questioning now is should I talk to her and get closure on My emotion and cut all contact and deal the dog drama.
Or should remain no contact and and ignore her.
I know this sound also childish, but to try express my emotion I wrote a letter . I really want to give her this letter but I've been holding on it to it for a few weeks, and I've asked a few friends and they said to let it go and not to be stupid.
No way in any circumstances I am parting with my dog. She does not have the financies and place for a dog this size. My friend heard rumor she threating she has the reciept for the dog.
I don't know what to do Reddit.
Should I send her the letter or walk away
TLDR: ex gf wants to take dog away, and OP has emotional issues
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depression
|
I don’t know why. I can calm down from my fear and anxieties for a short period of time, but my brain always tells me “Well, it’s possible.” and it strikes me down again.
I can have back pain, worry I have cancer on my spine, even though I know it’s caused by my chronic pain, but my brain will always tell me “It’s possible, y’know?” And I’ll believe it. I always believe it. I’m believing it right now. I’m convinced it’s possible. I mean, isn’t it possible? It scares me. It makes me cry that everything my OCD tells me, despite all my calming down techniques, what my therapist tells
me, peer support, it’s still possible. I’m scared.
|
OCD
|
Hello, I’m 29 (m). New here, kinda just found out today. But it’s definitely me. I’m a little upset, battling an ego and stuff.
Took me too long to find out probably. A little in shock, cuz of the context in which I found out and stuff.
What should I do? I’m taking with my Doc more on Friday to set up things. But I just got diagnosed today.
I have walls I need to climb I guess.
|
ADHD
|
i’m looking at all the posts here and it’s giving me doubts as to if i actually have depression
15m / homeschooled / infj-t
and yet depression is the only way i know how to describe it. since february i haven’t felt myself. gotten worse since school started, started getting panic attacks. outside of the attacks it felt/feels like a dark cloud is always in my mind, sometimes in the corner and sometimes just taking over entirely. eugh awful. not all enveloping as much now, but now i’m getting brainfog and i still feel like shit. grades are down, they’ve never been down, i entertained suicidal thoughts but without intent, my parents know something’s up but i’m not ready to talk with them so i haven’t been able to open up and ask for help. i made this account just so i could be active on mental health subreddits without my dad seeing on my main. but everything here seems so much worse, second thoughts and doubt. oh, i’m probably just acting like this for attention or ugh i’m so freaking lazy. that’s probably incomprehensible but rant over
|
depression
|
Hello everyone. Since my mom wants to divorce with my dad, my depression starting to get worse and sleeping deprivation is now a big issue for me. I only could get 3 or maybe 4 hours of sleep everyday and super tired, but there's no way I could sleep past that. Any advices/tips to improve my sleeping? Thank you!
|
depression
|
For me it was baking and wanting to really make a career out of it but then OCD came in and told me I was going to accidentally make someone sick with my baking.
Also I used to hate driving on the highway but because I have driving OCD I refuse to drive in a residential area unless I absolutely have to so now the highway is my best friend.
|
OCD
|
Hey all,
I'm currently doing this intensive outpatient program for OCD and that involves doing a lot of exposure therapy. I have a history of trauma and dissociation. The thing I'm struggling with is that every time I attempt an exposure, my brain will just "clock out" (dissociate) and go numb. This isn't helping and I'm not sure how to combat it. Has anyone had anything like this happen to them? Any ideas of how I could remain in my body when I'm doing exposure therapy? Also any tips for ERP therapy in general would be so appreciated.
|
OCD
|
If I attempt suicide then fail, if I still live after, and somehow people get to know, my life is going to be a living hell. People constantly talking about it with me, "don't do that again" And shit like that like I don't give a fuck. I'll be kept away from anything dangerous, fire, bleach, the roof, anything and the rest of my life will be a living hell. I've attempted many times before and I'm not even an adult yet. Obviously, I didn't die, but nobody cane to know I tried. Even worse if suicide leaves me disabled. People telling me that my situation is a result of my attempt, people giving me Duas and verses from The Quran to recite and what I fear most is the Islamic exorcism. I'm a closeted Atheist and I've seen many instances where suicide attempts have been seen as being possessed by a demon and that requires an exorcism which is extremely painful. I don't want to go through that. I just want to die and get over with life. But if I don't.....
|
depression
|
Does anybody else experience OCD about their OCD? That the OCD itself becomes and obsession because you have to follow the rules of getting better and for trying to cut corners and not challenging yourself you feel like you're a bad person who doesnt deserve getting better?
Practical example:
I need something from Ikea. There is an Ikea locally I can even get to eith public transport, but it would be very stressful to go for me because of my regular cleanliness and hygiene ocd and rules. I could also order what I need but feel then I'm doing avoidance, which is bad. So I cant bring myself to go there and beat myself up for even thinking of ordering instead all while my life is on hold because without the parts my kitchen cant be put together
|
OCD
|
One of my stims is cracking my fingers/knuckles. I know there's no conclusive studies about the long term effects of that, but my day job is working as a physiotherapist so I'm mildly paranoid about the potential long term effects.
Does anyone else crack their fingers/knuckles to stim? If so, do you have any toy recommendations that work for you? Preferably ones that simulate the cracking/clicking? (Moreso the release of pressure than the sound). I tried those ones that sort of look like bubble wrap but they didn't work for me.
|
aspergers
|
I have a medical issue and it’s a true abnormality. I can even feel what’s wrong but I’m having a hard time finding anyone to help me find the right test to prove it. I think I can only go about 6 more months with this before I kms, unless someone can help me
|
depression
|
It’s been 1.5 years since I’ve been back and I’ve been anticipating it but it feels so much more real now that it’s here :0
|
OCD
|
I started taking vyvanse when I 16. I’m 22 now. And in the 6 years I’ve been taking it it started off as a miracle drug for me. I could focus on school and felt like the perfect person. After years of taking it tho I’ve noticed some serious side effects. I become very irritable at nothing. I have anger problems. I have issues with blood circulation as I tend to sit in one place for a long ass period of time. And I can’t eat for shit. I weighed 180 before I started taking this drug and now I’m barely 165 with almost no muscle just look like a skeleton. I want to stop taking it but I’m not sure how it’ll effect my overall well-being. Any suggestions?
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone have any tips for when you need extra help fighting OCD? I’ve been having a tough week and it seems that I need extra help fighting my intrusive thoughts. I find I can’t concentrate on anything but my thoughts and I haven’t been doing a lot of my old hobbies. I just want to be ok again.
|
OCD
|
I have depression.
I have an invisible illness. I have an invisible illness that just as invisible as it may be to you, it’s overwhelming and visible to me. It’s visible to me in that there is a vast veil of dust that I can’t seem to see beyond. I try to pick up some hobby I used to love but the joy I would feel is seamlessly met with despair and longing. A prolonged longing of better times, of times where I could dream, of a feeling that seems so close yet so, so far away.
As hard as I try to recreate the exact feelings of elation — or more simply, contentment — I felt in the past while pursuing my goals and dreams, I never quite succeed. I say to myself “I remember when I used to love that! Let me try it again.” Upon attempting to try, or reignite a passion for cooking or essential oils or the gym, those hobbies or things or places will never feel the same. The experience may be a bit clearer on some days, and on those days I get a glimpse of the person I was before I met depression.
Who was she, you ask? She was amazing. She was bold and funny. She was full of excitement, curiosity, and a thirst for the life ahead of her. She took chances. She made leaps and accomplished so many things she put her mind to. “Where did she go,” I ask myself. I ask myself and my therapist and my family this question in hopes that someone will come up with an answer. Can someone please just tell me where she is so I can find her and see her again. And tell her that I love her and that she is enough. And that the world needs her passions and dreams and that it simply needs her.
But I don’t know if I’ll ever get to meet her again. I’ve become all too familiar with a present version of myself, and while I don’t like her as much, I have to learn to. I have to learn to accept her for all that she is and all that she has been through in order to try to build another life. It may not be the same life she set out to build before she met depression, and maybe that is ok. Maybe there is something better for her that can meet her where she is at right now.
As much as I want to go back in time, to experience the days I had where I felt so free and full of hope for what I could make of my life, I know I can’t get those years back. But maybe, if I and the rest of the world can truly see depression for what it is, and invisible illness — not a mindset — we can progress. Once I truly accept myself for everything I carry, maybe I can meet a new Her.
|
depression
|
Has anyone experienced hypersexuality because of sexual trauma? I've been really struggling with this my ex boyfriend was very abusive and I have PTSD because of all he did to me but for some reason I'm still attracted sexually to him and I hate it. I also want to start feeling good about my body instead of feeling gross and dirty but I don't know how to go about it. Do any of you know how to deal with this?
|
ptsd
|
I am completely and utterly hopeless about my life. I feel like my life has been nothing but pain and suffering. I was regularly beaten by my dad when I was younger and I was raped multiple times in my childhood by different people. I guess I repressed it cause I haven’t really thought about it until this year. Anyways, college has been absolute hell for me, and recently I guess I was mentally broken. I’m christian, and I was really praying for something, and it looked like I was gonna get it, and then I had it ripped away from me. It was painful and I spent a weekend it pure agony worrying about it. That event, compounded with everything else in my life, has made me believe that God hates me, and my entire life is gonna be this way. Over the last 2 weeks I have been constantly thinking about just killing myself because I feel like my life is torture. Currently I wouldn’t kill myself because I don’t want to go to hell, but I wish I was dead. I feel completely empty, and I don’t really feel many emotions other than profound hopelessness and sadness. But I’m also worried I’m faking, becauae I have moments where I can be happy. I can forget how hopeless I feel. These moments make me worry that I’m faking these feelings. Any thoughts?
|
depression
|
It doesn’t even feel real to say this. I’ve been walking around in a daze, not feeling like what I know to be true actually is true, like I’m in this horrible nightmare that I cannot wake from.
My family is shocked with grief and devastation. His death was a tragedy. We can’t say that none of us could have saw it coming, because we did, on multiple occasions. He attempted suicide twice and was hospitalized 3 times in the past 4 years. Everything changed after he took that drug.
He struggled with cystic acne, and was prescribed a drug called Accutane when he was 17, by his dermatologist. He started to develop a few side effects while on the drug (nothing too severe) and so he stopped the drug, but it was too late by then. The damage to his health was already done. The side effects never went away, they only got worse after he quit.
Over the past 4 years, as a result of this horrible horrible poison, he became a completely different version of himself. He went from being a bubbly bright fun-loving person to someone who didn’t want to leave the house. He had headaches constantly and his eyes were dry and painful. He lost half of his hair. He couldn’t exercise anymore because he had severe back and joint pain. And he confided in me once that he had permanent sexual dysfunction, I know that as a man this really destroyed him and his confidence because he couldn’t have a girlfriend after that.
The permanent effects from accutane started a few months after he quit taking it. His health was fine while on the drug but shortly after, he just went downhill and was never been the same. He felt exhausted, was in constant pain, felt nauseated, lost so much weight, and simply looked very ill and unwell.
The drug literally murdered him. He was only 17 when he took it - still a kid! He would have been 22 soon. I’m turning 20 soon, and I know that at age 17 my judgement was different than it is now. He trusted his doctor, who told him that accutane is safe and reassured him that as long as he has blood tests (which he did!) everything would be fine, and any side effects he had would be reversible. He is dead because he trusted his doctor. Who took advantage of his naivety and lied to him.
I am in shock, disbelief, denial, but also I am experiencing so so much anger. If he never went to that disgusting dishonest doctor, if his doctor just had an ounce of morality and integrity, he would still be alive today. If he never took this poison I would still have an older brother.
I am so, so angry. I wish nothing but suffering and misery to the doctor who was so pushy about him taking it and telling him the drug is safe. He’s dead now because of it.
|
depression
|
my ocd has been really intense lately, much worse than usual. the other day one of my coworkers tested positive for covid after i worked a shift with her and now i’ve been waiting to see if i have it and now i’m spiraling but with everything. i just took sanitizing wipe to every panel of wood in my room and nothing feels clean enough. not even myself. i have a scrape and im convinced it is infected. just everything about life feels so dirty right now and everyone i would go to is asleep right now and i just need someone to tell this too because it feels so heavy and unbearable.
|
OCD
|
Or, a favorite feature of a language? Let me know what annoys you especially about a particular language.
Since many of us de facto have auditory language processing issues, it would be very interesting if your favorite written language and your favorite spoken language are different.
|
aspergers
|
Listening to a seminar at work and got reminded of the time the Dean of my college nearly expelled me for attempting suicide. He told me I'd made a mockery of the school. That he was tempted to expell me, but decided...from the kindness of his heart...to keep me around if I got help for my "petty issues".
Then this thought reminded me of another time that somebody reported me to student services for not dressing appropriately for class (I went to class in my pajamas...keep in mind, I wasn't the only one). I, in my manic state, told this woman to fuck off and that my "issues" were none of her damn business. I once again got the "You're embarrassing our school" talk.
Fuck your reputation. I was suffering and you punished me for it.
And fuck you, intrusive thoughts. I just want to get back to work.
|
ptsd
|
I keep fucking everything up
I had one goal today(!)
Just get up and take out the money to pay the stupid rent.
What did I do fell asleep and sleeped the whole day.
Whenever I fuck up I have a note that I write on "I hate myself" for few minutes..
It ends up with "I deserve to die/suffer"
Lately I feel that side of me is right
|
depression
|
Tw: there's a part that's fucking grim
My dad died at home on hospice from lung cancer that metastisized to his brain. I'm 29 and it has been the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced. I can't get it out of my head,
TW********the sound of his screams while they gave him a catheter, the feeling of my sister's hand squeezing mine as we listened from the other room. The way his body twitched in the last days, his glassy eyes open but his mind far away, the sounds of his lungs failing. His gums and lips bleeding despite m us trying to keep it moisturized. ******
It's been two weeks and I can't sleep at night. I can't close my eyes at night without seeing and hearing it all like it's happening. I have to stay up until I fall asleep reading or smoke enough weed to knock me out, but sometimes that just makes it worse. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is just normal grief or something I need to get help for. It's not always at nights sometimes it's while I'm driving, cooking, taking a shower or anything else that might remind me of him. Just remembering he's dead will set it off.
I don't want to remember him this way for the rest of my life. Does it stop? Will it stop being so vivid?
|
ptsd
|
I write this after a very very long night. Yesterday I ate something that made me sick, I’m not sure what it was. The worst part is that somehow that excruciating pain brought back memories from when I was abuse at 8yo and again when I was 26yo, that last time was in a hospital, the nurse sedated me and took me to the guy that did x rays... I thought I would die...
The memories where so vivid that I was yelling and crying, I could feel the pain again, I was so scare, I have never feel this way before, I have had other panic attacks episodes but nothing like this... of course I puke all night and struggle with the flashbacks and the pain... but now I feel terrible, I don’t feel sick anymore but I feel like I’m dying inside, I’m scare to eat again, and sleep, I never realize how scare you hospitals I am...
I’m sorry for bugging with my history, I’m just so lost
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ptsd
|
I asked a question a few days ago but didn’t word it right (in case anyone’s noticing I’m here again).
I never have OCD about things I will do. I worry incessantly about things men will do to hurt me. My OCD does from ptsd of abuse but my ptsd has subsided but not the OCD. I constantly look online and ask family/friends about a person. Even more so if I am romantically involved with someone. I worry they will abuse a child or cheat on me.
I just wanted to see if someone had similar OCD worrying about others harming you. Not you doing something.
Thanks!
|
OCD
|
I’m not sure how exactly to describe this other than I feel chronically physically uncomfortable. Im not sure if this is what everybody experiences with hyperactivity or maybe it’s not related to that at all, but no matter what I’m doing, I cannot stand being in the same position for more than a few min at a time. I feel physical pain, my joints feel stiff, my muscles start to ache, if I don’t move around often enough. I think to some extent every body feels this but I have to constantly readjust how I’m positioned every 5-10 min to prevent pain.
Does anyone else experience this? Is there anything that helps? Is this even related to ADHD?
|
ADHD
|
Hello. I am 2M postpartum. When I first met my bf, I lied to him about a lot of things. We were only getting to know each other, not dating so at the time I didn’t think lying was a big deal. I ended up falling for him and I ended up clearing out all my lies so that we can start fresh. I felt so guilty for lying and felt like a horrible person, he forgave me and I never lied to him again. I got pregnant and when I was around 2-3 months pregnant I started to feel guilty for every little thing that I did. For example: I had a dream with an ex from years ago which was weird and I had to confess that to my current bf. I’ve been suffering and feeling bad for everything that I do idk if the lying from the beginning caused an OCD or PTSD order. Now that I am 2 months post partum it has gotten WORSE. I lied to my manager almost a year ago and told her that I couldn’t come into work because someone in my family had died. That randomly popped in my head and I feel extreme guilt for it and i regret doing that, that I want to apologize etc.. i learned my lesson. Also everyone that I’ve hurt in my past I also have been feeling guilty and wanting to apologize but it would be weird to randomly hit someone up from years ago. Maybe my post partum is making it worse. But I had it during pregnancy too with my bf … how can I overcome this guilt? any advice ?
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OCD
|
Hey! I really need advice my boyfriend has very severe ocd. He is on 250 mg of zoloft and it hardly does anything but he just got prescribed 10mg of abilify(aripiprazole). Are side effects nasty or has this combination worked for anyone? Thank you!
|
OCD
|
So for while I haven’t had much anxiety, but just this weird feeling that I don’t love my partner anymore. It feels like I don’t even know them anymore and idk what’s going on. And my head keeps thinking about the time I kissed someone that me and my gf kissed on a night out and it’s making me crush on that person? But like it’s all confusing because idk if it’s just ocd kicking in or not.
|
OCD
|
On May 31st I had finally gained the courage to end an emotionally abusive relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years who was also the father of my 2 yr old daughter. He was upset with me and didn’t want to split but I just couldn’t take it anymore the stress of the relationship was making me physically ill and making other health conditions worse, I had to end it for my own sanity and for my health so I could care for our daughter. He was a wonderful father to her but just hated me but didn’t want to let me go.. he finally agreed that night to split and said he would move out despite me telling him he could live with me as a room mate til he sorted things out. So on June 1st he woke up and was a bit off in his behavior, being reclusive and brooding but that was his norm when he didn’t get his way. I felt he was doing it so I would say sorry, comfort him and stay like I used to in the past. I didn’t do those things this time as I had a new found confidence and was finally ready to cut ties. I wanted it for both of us, I knew he was not happy with me but didn’t understand why he was forcing the relationship.. I feel part of it was the expectations of life and to be like his parents to have that perfect on the outside life. Things looked great to the outside world but inside the home it was a nightmare. Anyway so on June 1st after he was being off in the morning in behavior he went to his job waiting tables and then came home around 4pm. He said he was going to his best friends house to stay the night and possibly move in with so I asked him for my keys to my house since I knew he would be drinking and possibly return home drunk/angry and attempting to wake me up late like he had done in the past. In that moment he got upset and insisted he didn’t want to move out anymore cause he wanted to keep his keys. As much as it hurt me to see him in distress I said no I want the keys and you can call me if you want to come back home for the night and I will let you in if you haven’t been drinking and it’s at a reasonable hour. He gave me my key and left the house about 5.00pm. Around 5.30pm he called me on FaceTime and asked to speak with our daughter and I realized he was at his parents house in his old bedroom. I just chalked it up to he’s going to stay with them instead, I thought that was good and maybe would deter him from drinking. So I let him FaceTime with our daughter for a moment, he said he loved her and didn’t talk to her long and then asked to talk to me.. that’s when he asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted.. I said yes and tried to maintain my composure as it was hard to see him upset but I knew it was the best for the both of us because things had become so toxic. He then looked at me and put his fathers .22 to his head, said I love you, I’m sorry.. I begged him no said sorry you can come back, but he pulled the trigger. He was unconscious for two hours after and then went brain dead. He was on life support for several days. I tried to visit with him and talk earnestly but his mother made it difficult, I think she blamed me.. which I understand as she was hurting.. I have been in therapy since the incident and it has been hard coming to terms with things some days. Raising my daughter alone has been tough but the PTSD is worse. The image of him taking his life comes at the worst times, the most insignificant times.. when I’m putting my daughter to bed, when I’m cooking dinner or driving just to run errands. Sometimes I will go days in between and be okay. Sometimes when the episodes happen it makes me anxious or paranoid that he is there although I know he is gone.. slight noises will make me jump or want to run. I feel like he is haunting me sometimes. I have moved houses and this feeling still happens some days. Some times I wonder how long I will have to suffer through this, his final punishment for me and other days I feel as maybe I deserve to suffer like this. I have met a man recently who has been here for me despite all the trauma and helps me on the nights when my episodes are out of control and I am scared. He helps to ground me back to reality and to know it will pass, but I know he can not always be here to help me through as sometimes the episodes happen with out warning. I try my best to reach out to friends who also help me with my struggles when I have an episode.. I guess it’s all about building the right support system. I am wondering though if anyone else has had success in cognitive behavior therapy with managing their PTSD as I am opposed to medications since they tend to make things worse for me mentally/physically. Any advice or methods would be greatly appreciated.
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ptsd
|
i'm not diagnosed but i always wonder why i have such a good memory and i can remember endless things info about certain topics,also i remember a lot of things from life even early childhood. when i was kid like 9-8 years old i've started read history and i can remember exact historical dates and stuff like this. anyone does know it say i may be on the spectrum somewhere or it is just gift/high intelligence ? does good memory is part of the diagnosis ?
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aspergers
|
Is there a word/term/concept for not recognizing/realizing that something was traumatic or abusive until long after it happened?
​
\*
​
I am really bad at this and I think it's part of repressing trauma. I am processing a lot of childhood trauma in therapy rn, but I've done this with adult trauma before as well.
For example, a little over a decade ago, I was almost kicked out of an online group for describing a pretty graphic rape experience I had with my ex without giving any trigger warnings or spoilers. I was shocked when a moderator messaged me that I was permabanned from the group and that I had triggered a bunch of survivors. She ended up unbanning me after we had a conversation and she realized that I had not understood that I was describing a brutal rape experience. I had posted because I didn't understand why I was still upset about an experience I had had several years prior and, in my own head, "it was just sex I didn't want to have" which was, somehow, a different bucket than "rape." (No, I don't know how "sex I didn't want to have" and "rape" were different categories in my head, but they were and sometimes still are.)
Obviously I was traumatized by the experience and that's why I was posting about it in the online group - I was trying to process what happened. It was just in my own head, I was telling myself that it couldn't possibly actually be trauma or something as serious as rape - it was just sex I didn't want to have.
I do the same about my parents, which is compounded by years of doctors and therapists telling me the same mantra that they did - my parents love me and have the best intentions for me and anything they are doing/did is/was for my own good. (Spoilers: This is a lie and I'm working on figuring out a better narrative. Living my childhood in fear of conversion therapy is not a childhood of love.)
I just feel like if there is a term/word/concept for this kind of adaptive repression - it allowed me to get through the time and space of trauma - maybe I can find some books/articles/research about getting to a better place.
|
ptsd
|
I have a test tomorrow and i have to read a lot for it today.
What tips do you have to study?
What do/did you do to read for a test?
Music or something else in the background?
Reading out loud?
Drinking coffeine?
I really want to do it better on this test, since i have gotten much worse grades than i hoped for..
Thank you!
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ADHD
|
Please don't hate me because the only evidence I have for this theory is my own experience as well as the portrayal of Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory/Young Sheldon (as regardless of one might think of his portrayal I still maintain that to some degree they have Aspergers in mind when they're writing him, especially on Young Sheldon) but the purpose of this thread is to find out if any other real people on the spectrum do this too to see (unless someone has academic evidence it is) if it's true or not that people on the spectrum need to empty their bladder a lot more than neurotypicals.
Anyway, when I was watching the TBBT reruns on channel 49 tonight, one of the episodes they reran was The Agreement Dissection which aside from being one of my favorites kicks off both the episode and the actual plot instead of just being a "cold open" or whatever (as that's how he found Leonard and Priya in the shower) with Sheldon rushing to the bathroom in an emergency which he claims to be a drink twice the size of his bladder capacity. After that, the new Young Sheldon episode on CBS has him rushing to the bathroom at two plot-critical moments (right after he hides the check from the IRS and after the IRS agent says that he was giving tax advice without a license because his dad "paid" him with model trains). That made me remember how I am often rushing to the bathroom throughout the day enough for my parents to call me out on it (and the stuff from Young Sheldon made me remember times when I too have gone to the bathroom (but to pee not because of overloading or whatever) in stressful moments) so that led me to formulate a hypothesis that maybe it's an Aspie thing (but not one talked about because, y'know, "bathroom functions are gross") to need to pee more often than the average person especially under stress. DAE do this or am I just crazy?
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aspergers
|
I always mess everything up or ruin things for others, than I get shit on constantly for it. I try my hardest and try my best but it’s never to anyones satisfaction, I’m never trying hard enough or going 110% in others eyes when really I am. But fuck I’m tired of all this shit, I never was depressed but as I get older it gets to me heavy. I just wish things when they get better would stay better.
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depression
|
This likely sounds ridiculous, but I need to know if others have experienced this. I am one where any new info or “hobby” I pick up I likely turns into obsessive thoughts/ compulsive behavior. Long story short, I found out I have OCD a few weeks ago and I now spend hours and hours a day researching and reading about all things OCD… I know its normal to read up on your diagnosis to understand it but this is next level.
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OCD
|
I've been dealing with OCD since High school, I've been through therapy for a long time, now I'm doing better that I have a job now and I'm most likely going back to college this fall semester. The only thing that bothers me is I have to remember every single thought I think about during the day. I have the habit of just ruminating ohh what did I thought about a few minutes ago. What thought did I had a day ago. It's nonstop. The thoughts can be anything either positive and negative and I think of another thing and I then my OCD says ruminate or else you'll be miserable for not remembering thoughts during the day; that I have to check and ruminate to think WhatI do I remember this particular thought.and then a new thought pops up that I need to ruminate about it and it's an endless cycle. I just want to be in the moment without OCD knocking me to ruminate and not enjoy the moment.
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OCD
|
Hello all, this is my very first post on Reddit. I have OCD but I'm only recently diagnosed, and I'm not even totally sure what my compulsions are yet. Anyway, I went on a date today. I didn't really like the guy but it was my first in person since the pandemic so I'm proud of myself. However, it did kind of bum me out just because he wasn't what I had expected. I don't know if it makes sense or if this is necessarily related to ocd but does anyone here go through like deep depression after putting themselves out there? My anxiety is so intense before and during the date and I have such a hard time getting out of my own head, but then my thoughts afterwards tend to be worse somehow? I've always felt kind of repulsed by myself and my own feelings. Like after a date I just start feeling disgusted with the whole affair if I feel like it didn't go well. Today, I think me and this guy just didn't vibe, but that doesn't stop me from obsessive over the tiniest awkward moments. I've been cringing for hours and I just feel really exhausted with dating as a whole. Does anyone have any advice re: whatever this disgust feeling is and dating in general? I want to open up to someone but it feels impossible when I criticize every little thing about the other person AND myself and just ruin everything before a relationship can develop.
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OCD
|
Female 21. Diagnosed and being treated for OCD. When I was 19, I started masturbating and I used to use the jetspray to masturbate. I'm sorry for the graphic explanation. But I used to use the jetspray and sometimes I would do it in college too, with the jetspray. I was very new to masturbation hence I used to do it alot and didnt realise how weird it might be to do in a college restroom. Now whenever I do it, I wash the jetspray as others at home use the jetspray too (hand faucet to clean up after pooping or peeing). However I'm scared that I didn't wash it in college and I would get thoughts like what if someone gets an infection and I would just laugh at the thought and move on. It felt like a dirty secret that i used the jetspray to masturbate. Does this make me a shit person? I'm feeling terribly guilty.
P.S. I dont touch the jetspray to my body lol. Just the water from it.
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OCD
|
I wanted some place to post this to almost hold myself accountable. I started TMS yesterday after 15 years of medication and counseling with limited results. For PTSD, GAD, OCD, and depression.
I'm both happy and scared. I cry during the sessions (only two so far; daily). Partly because maybe this will actually work and partly because maybe it won't.
But, I'm doin' it.
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ptsd
|
hi, I recently started vyvanse (first time taking meds for adhd as it was only recently diagnosed) and have been having issues where I wake up around the same time every night in the middle of the night. I’m taking 30mg and the moment.
I already struggle with constant tiredness, but the constant broken sleep is making it so much worse. Like, to the point where some mornings I break down and cry because I’m so tired. I’ve even tried melatonin starting from a week ago and all that’s changed is instead of waking up at 3-4am in waking up around 12-2am instead.
I’ve only been on my meds for 2 weeks and in another week I go up to 40mg and I just don’t know if it should have settled down by now. Any advice or help or anything would be appreciated.
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ADHD
|
​
Ever since my childhood abuse escalated drastically in my early teens I've experienced severe nighttime jaw clenching and grinding. I was unaware I was doing it until one day I noticed in the mirror that my teeth had become misshapen. To think I used to have perfect teeth and got compliments all the time... now they're grooved and slanted, and seeing that in the mirror is one of the few tangible reminders I have left of my abuse to the point I've thought about spending a considerable amount of money to get them fixed even though it's only aesthetic, other than clearly being down past the enamel. Fortunately I have always taken good care of them otherwise. I always have a clean bill of health from my dentist and have never had a cavity.
Years later I'm somewhat over the hump (I hope) with many of my CPTSD symptoms due to a happy marriage, safe home life, NC with abusive parties, and therapy. I also could finally afford to get fitted with a retainer and night guard about 3 years ago, some 18 years after it began. Despite what I feel to be incredible personal progress in most of my CPTSD symptoms over the past couple of years, the clenching and grinding not only remain but seem to have gotten far worse. I also still struggle with restless sleep and vivid nightmares that I feel are likely connected. I've ground clean through a couple of bottom retainers and the upper night guard has literal saw marks in it. I wake every morning with significant jaw and neck pain and tightness that sometimes extends to my shoulders. I have to do intense neck stretches every morning and throughout the day.
I mentioned this to my therapist on numerous visits but she didn't seem to have any suggestions other than to continue doing therapy sessions, which certainly helped a lot with my other symptoms. Unfortunately I had to temporarily discontinue therapy a few weeks ago due to a private career change that prevents me from continuing, but that will pass in a few months here and I fully intend to return to therapy with a therapist who can do EMDR.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar, and what they were able to do to help with it. Thanks if you can help.
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ptsd
|
Trigger warning: murd3r.
Is it possible to get groinal responses from everything? Including m*rder or d*ath? I'm really worried.
I've never had groinal responses from things related to those until I asked myself if I feel aroused by them and started checking and now I do get groinal responses from them. I feel so sick and disgusted whenever I get those responses.
But a few days ago my sister watched a video about people cleaning up a crime scene with a body covered in blankets.. I decided to watch and check if I felt something in my groin. I watched it, it was disturbing but I didn't feel anything in my groin. I only felt sick. I felt relieved that I didn't feel anything down there. But I'm still worried.
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OCD
|
Hello, I have dyspraxia which I got assessed during my first term of university as I was struggling with organisation and stuff.
I was curious if there are any maon differences between ADHD and dyspraxia because I googled to see and it was just confusing. Can you hvae both?
Sorry this might be long
Basically at present I counted approx 67 alarms set on my phone to keep me on track during the day 😭 These are to wake up, get ready, have lunch, tea, study, get out the door to go to lectures, labs, classes etc. Without them I would be clueless. I think my flatmates are getting sick if hearing my many many alarms.
I watch all my lectures on x1.8 speed because thats the only way my brain will focus, I understand what the lecturers are saying, my degree is in my favoruite subject.
Ironically my assessor in my dyspraxia report said my processing speed isn't on par with other people in my age group. When I got asked questions on a piece of text I couldn't answer any of the questions they'd asked me even though I'd just read the text I was supposed to be answering questions on. They said it was likely because I was trying to focus so much I wasn't comprehending it. It kind of explained why in exams I'd never manange to answer all the questions in any exams I've taken.
I have accommodations for extra time in exams and various software to help with studying which has helped massively because university os the first time I've ever had support with this kind of thing.
On the other hand everything else falls apart aroound me. My uni room is a mess. Idk how to clean or organise it. I've lost my bank card but that's ok (not) because I have another bank account which I can just transfer money into from that account. I know I should phone the bank to replace it but if I do that then I have to change the deets on all my accounts which is even more of a pain in the arse and I hate phone calls.
I've also put off a blood test which my gp told me to book. Partly I put it off because there was a blood vial shortage in my country but that was months ago. I should probably get that sorted but something is stopping me. I don't have a needle phobia or anything like that.
If I lose anything the process is the same every time. I panic and rush through things to see if I can find the object. Then if anything was tidy (rarity these days) it no longer is and it unfortunately will stsy that way until the object ever gets found. In the past I've lost bank cards, all my bike keys, my glasses, eye cleaner.
I sometimes also have trouble remembering my bank pin. Urgh. One time i had to enter the pin cos my contactless wasn't working and it didn't work so I left my groceries in the shop and told the cashier I was gonna rush home to get cash.
I won't tell you the amount of times I got lost but its embarrassing.
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ADHD
|
first off, sorry that this may not be considered valid and i understand that. june
30, 2021 5:15 am
i little insight before i start, when my biological mom and dad were together i was arounf 7-8 when i first heard them doing sexual things right next to me as i sleep and theyve done it more than one. i am now 18. 10-11 yrs passed. i heard someone open and go out the door. i thought it was mi sister. then i heard the door scratch and it was my dog chiquita. i let her in and went to the room and saw that my mom and dad were no in bed, i went out and they were in the back. i got nervous and scared bc i didnt know what they were doing. i stalked them in the window and saw that they were watching something. then my stepdad got on his knees and started praying. as much as i want to change, this test was really hard. i am slowly realizing that it isnt sex that i find nasty. its the fact that im being pushed to the side and having to take care of my siblings consciously knowing that they may be doing something. im scared of catching another group of people do it again. if i were to get mad right now, the only person whose fault it is would be my own. no, im not saying its my fault that i caught my old parents having sex but that its my fault that i still feel this way. now i have to find a definitive way of healing myself. perhaps inner child healing. to me, even if i took care of them and they didnt tell me OR DID tell me they were going to have sex, its as if im going with them and being scared again. i hate feeling isolated or annoying or unwanted. i told my stepdad about my love/sex life because i was expecting he’d start to get me but instead he took it as an opportunity to call me selfish. they need to gain my trust. okay but who knows maybe i will still be scarred but scars somewhat heal so why not try and heal this one? think about it, and try it. i love you- conscious. (i say all this but keep going back to check on them) i just meditated (6:03) and i was really eager to check on them again and i rlly wanted to but i didnt. i finished the meditation and feel okay but still nervous bc i have a deep secret voice telling me “what if they planned something?” theyre lying down in bed going to sleep and cant help but think that they dont want me and my siblings, that we’re annoying bc they want to have sex.
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ptsd
|
The title of this post is something I said a few weeks back to my therapist and it really resonated with me afterwards, we spoke a lot about it and I wanted to share it here.
I’m 23F and my earliest memories of OCD were at age 7, one of the loneliest times in my life. My OCD became my little secret, I didn’t understand it and felt it was something special as if I were chosen. I knew nobody would understand why I had to touch the ground every 7 steps and I liked that they didn’t understand, I liked having something special to just share with myself.
This defined me to myself as I grew up. A lonely girl with odd secrets that kept me safe. I became afraid of others help, I didn’t want to change because my OCD has always been in place as a protective barrier of sorts. It protects me from germs, from dirty people, from being framed as a creep or criminal, from being hurt by others.
So explaining to my therapist that these thoughts are my oldest friends really helped me understand the way that OCD has resonated deeply within me as I’ve grown up. I’m not sure my point here, I just wanted to share this, maybe others relate.
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OCD
|
I'm a 24 year old Aspie. I can have fairly normal conversations. I have normal eye contact. I gesticulate, laugh at jokes, use metaphor, understand (**some**) nuances. Yet, I don't really actively seek interaction outside of highly scripted and structured social scenarios. I.e. I find it easy to talk at work and with students, but find it really awkward outside of said social contexts (e.g. if my lab goes to a bar, I'm at a complete loss and just remain quiet).
So, I pass as "normal" for the most part. Yet, don't have a fulfilling social life. Still can't completely understand the social "cloud" (e.g. expectations) at work. Am mortally terrified of making social faux pas. That is, suppose I'm in a group where I'm told to "loosen up". I more often than not end up doing/saying something that gets me labeled as an "other", weird, annoying, or just plain creepy, and eventually get kicked out. Doesn't happen if I don't let my guard down! But then people won't talk to someone who keeps to themselves. Also, years of bullying and the usual BS of growing up autistic gave me social anxiety that conventional therapists are absolute ass at treating.
Also, I stim when under stress or anxious. Usually by violently jerking myself, biting, slapping myself, etc. If I'm focused or mildly anxious, I'll rock or tap my leg. I don't stim nearly as much as I used to, since I basically tried forcing myself to "not stim", which I wonder if that does more harm than good.
So...am I still autistic? Like, even if I can pass as normal, social interactions feel draining in certain aspects. Like my brain processes the social information laboriously. Yet, I feel too far removed from my autistic traits to mingle well with others on the spectrum. It's like I'm in this weird limbo or something. IDK how to explain it...
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aspergers
|
I've been staring at this slowly growing pile of cardboard boxes in my living room for at least a year until just now when I got one of those magical bursts of seemingly infinite energy where I just HAVE to clean.
Tearing them down, folding them up, crushing them into each other until I had a half dozen boxes full of dozens of other boxes, then carrying them all out to the dumpster... took about two hours.
As I sat here admiring my surprisingly large living room, catching my breath, and enjoying my delicious cup of eggnog as a reward, my brain started being an asshole (hence the title)
I'm well practiced in ignoring that little shit of a voice in the back of my mind that likes to criticize my every success... but it still puts a damper on any sense of pride and accomplishment. Does it ever stop? Will I ever *not* need to tune it out?
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ADHD
|
Some of my really close friends that know about my mental struggles always ignore my feelings and act like my problems (ptsd, anxiety, BED) are not real. Its really sad that friends that I feel so close to would do this.
Sometimes male friends would try to get dirty with me when I am not in the mood and that kind of triggers me because I was s*xually/emotionally abused in the past and it makes me really angry and sad when they dont respect my "no" at the first try
Then I get really upset with them and later I feel so weak and sorry like I completely overreacted.
I dont know, it just felt good to let my frustration out :)
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ptsd
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I can’t do something unless I actually want to. This is causing a lot of problems during school. I have a science assignment I was meant to finish a month ago that I still haven’t even started, I completely didn’t do a media assignment, and I’m meant to be recording a voiceover for another media assignment, but I’m letting my group down by not being able to get out of bed and talk for a few minutes, because I just can’t give a shit about any of this. Maybe a better title for this is “How do I give a shit” but idk. And before you suggest, deadlines don’t make me do work anymore, I can’t stick to schedules at all, I don’t need to break down what I need to do any further (it’s not that it feels like I need to do a lot, I know it’s usually not much at all), and I’ve tried the thing where you say you’ll just work on whatever for a few minutes (it worked, but I can’t do it anymore because my brain decides that actually, I could just not work on it at all). I’ve also tried getting someone to tell me to do it, but that just resulted in me being more stressed from being told to do it that I just lied about doing it so they’d stop telling me to do it.
Honestly the biggest problem with this is that I’m so stressed from having to do whatever, that I can’t do anything else, because I know I need to do the other thing first, but then I never start the thing, and the only time I do anything is when I don’t have any homework to at all. I feel like I can’t do anything and I hate it. Help.
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aspergers
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Basically I was trying to flirt with him and he told me he wants to flirt back but flirting causes him to fall in love quickly and then he told me he’s not ready for a relationship because it’s bad timing.
And now it’s been 2 days since we talked and part of me wants to believe him but part of me thinks he’s just saying that to reject me nicely.
And tonight I was cutting my thigh with a blade and thinking of him while I did it like wtf. What is wrong with me.
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depression
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always i tried to get help, always is a closed door for me, i never get real help, now i'm almost a disabled and i'm not capable to do nothing, absolutely nothing more bein like a parasite for my father and sister, i'm a neet, i can't even do the most simple jobs, my life is ruined, fucking ruined because i'm never get real help even begging for that
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depression
|
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the shit I’ve done and seen. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about killing myself. Some days more seriously than others. Every time one of my brothers kills themselves it seems a little more doable.
I’ve done the therapy, I’ve done the meditation, I’ve tried hobbies, and taking to friends and professionals and whatever fucking god there might be, I’ve drowned it in alcohol, I’ve numbed everything with drugs of all kinds, and I feel like I’m at the end. None of it worked. I’m tired, tired of continually convincing myself that it isn’t worth it to do, and I’m angry that I’m too cowardly to pull the trigger.
I’m just fucking tired.
Not looking for comments, or advice, or anything really. Just didn’t know where else to put this. And I didn’t want to burden my people with the worry for the millionth time since I came home.
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ptsd
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I got a 2 week break from work and my ocd is coming back - yes I've dealt with this before and although I know how I should respond to this, I'm going through feeling of panic and guilt that just feels terrible. Yesterday I ordered a cute keychain online and now I am considering canceling it because I don't even deserve to spend money on something I like & the temporary happiness / excitement I get from buying it is meaningless. I know it sounds very stupid, but that's kinda what my brain is telling me right now.
How do you get yourself to make you feel happy? Like, how do you allow yourself to be happy? (If this makes any sense) does anyone have any ideas?
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OCD
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Hi there. I cant shake off the feeling of being in life threatening danger because of the fact that I have mental disorder. Like being diagnosed with cancer and knowing there is 50% chance that this will not end up good. (Eventhough I know it is probably not true, but I just feel like this all the time). I think it is because sometimes I have so INTENSE intrusive thoughts that all I can think about is that there is NO WAY I can cope with this. That something has to happen due to this stress to me. I think that some exposure techniques or accepting of the worst that ocd can bring could help. But what is the worst that can ocd and anxiety overall do? Is it just becoming suicidal and kill myself? Is it completely losing touch with reality and going extreme schizophrenic? Is it losing control over myself and my thoughts and something really bad? Or being closed in the mental hospital forever? I am scared of these scenarios so much and I cant stop thinking that it will happen to me next time during intense anxiety. Not sure if I should try to accept the worst that can happen or try to convince myself that this is 99% not going to happen (which is probably true). Hope it makes sense and that you can give your opinions. Have a nice day!
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OCD
|
I got a friend of mine who gets mad when people say he might have OCD, but I did some research of my own and I was looking at the symptoms and surprisingly a lot of them are matches, but one BIG thing
He tends to remember some of the most pointless things and the biggest of them all he OVERTHINKS everything into the point you can say "Overthink Overthinking", I really think there is something up, he overthinks about things that like I don't, he spends a lot of time worried, he tries to hide it but it's apparent to the people around him.
Does this tie into OCD? can anyone help? Focus on the overthinking more
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OCD
|
I am sick of hearing that. I've went through four therapists. I reach out to friends, family, and complete strangers. No one gives a shit. Because it's not their pain and suffering. You could stand in front of them with the rope wrapped around your neck and they wouldn't care. But oh once you die, they'll shed tears. Simply because it makes them feel bad and reflects poorly on them as a parent, friend, whatever. Not because they realized how much you needed help, how much they loved and cared about you.
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depression
|
gods honest… when i was a kid i cracked my nards so hard multiple times riding bmx bikes that it stuck in my brain…so a thought or observation of someone in painful accident suddenly my gonads hurt. it’s so funny and not at same time. i can’t watch youtube videos of skateboarders eating pavement without feeling like i’m getting kicked in the jewels. not a one and done but can be triggered multiple times. if only i transfer that to a more pleasurable response lol. anyway i’ve read some on but it’s mostly just research and not therapy methods
the mind is curious thing.
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ptsd
|
Do you take a combination of stimulants and antidepressants?
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I'm Autistic, have ADHD, GAD, Depression and currently waiting to be referred for an OCD and PTSD assessment!
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I don't take any medication for any of these issues currently. I've tried about 5-6 stimulants and haven't had any success with them due to the fact they make my intrusive thoughts so much worse and I end up hyperfixating on them!
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I was thinking of trying an antidepressant to try and help with my OCD and going back on stimulants for my ADHD and Autism as I'm barely functional right now! A couple of stimulants I found worked but obviously made my intrusive thoughts worse so if I can find an antidepressant that helps with the OCD, I might be able to cope better with the stimulants.
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OCD
|
Idk what to do I just feel bland like nothing ever happens I can’t be happy. People tell me to think positive but all I have ever had r negative thoughts. Every time I find something that makes me happy I fuck it up. I’ve overdosed on pills, Still can’t do that right lol. But idk. Idk even know why I’m typing this. Is it bad I’m still friends with all my exes. Like it’s weird for me but it’s the only thing I can do is just hold on to them even tho they all just wanna just be friends. Idk like I hate my self not only for the normal reasons but bc I don’t have the balls to take the easy way out. My friend killed himself over a year ago, I give him credit ik suicide is the cowardly way out but at least had the balls to do it unlike me idk. I’m srry I wasted ur time.
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depression
|
Hi,. I'm not sure where to share this, so I'm putting it here if that's cool.
I'm feeling extraordinaryly low right now after submitting what could be the final shitty project in my undergraduate career. I've been struggling with depression, anxiety and not knowing what I really want to do or what brings me joy since my sophomore year here at college, culminating to a shitty transcript with pretty low grades.
I'm a 6th year super senior now and i went into this semester with a notice saying that if my grades don't pick up, I'll either lose my financial aid, enrollment, or both. What hurts about this situation is that my mother and I (mostly my mother) fought tooth and nail to get me where I am now, and I had dreams (still have them) of providing for her and showing her the world she's been missing out on because she's always been busy meeting each rent payment. It's just her and I, since father left the family when I was a kid. We've been through dire times in homelessness and domestic violence together and I really wanted to give her that carefree future filled with travel and not having to worry about basic survival.
I had the perfect avenue for this goal. I got into the best university for computer science and computer engineering in America and went away from home expecting to come back in 4 years with a degree, high paying job, and a sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately that couldn't be farther from the truth. If I'm not kicked out but still have to pay tuition, I'll have to find $35k, that I obviously don't have, to pay for this last semester. I've accrued $22k in loans. If I'm kicked out, well I'll just have the loans and be forced to move back with empty hands. I've cried and lost so many hours of sleep trying to get this degree and I'm afraid I'll have nothing to show for it. I've had to appeal to stay here 3 times so far, so I have a feeling they won't take anymore excuses (of which the few that I have are valid).
I'm sorry if this is unorganized, but I've been coding for the last 4 days straight and my brains a little fried. I feel like i just lost a once in a lifetime opportunity that so many people (all of my friends that graduated) have successfully taken advantage of, and I don't know what that says about me. I don't know how I'm going to provide for my mother now. I hate that I had all these luxurious things planned ahead for myself and just let them slip from my fingers. I don't hate myself (at least I don't think so), but I'm not too happy with myself either. I'm afraid of confronting my friends, afraid of how I might react when I tell my family about this, and I'm not sure how I'm gonna bounce back if i have to stop going to school right now.
Thanks for reaching if you did.
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depression
|
I (15f) have been questioning for the past year whether or not I might have ADHD. I have done what feels like mountains of research on the topic, exploring different symptoms, differences between male and female ADHD, common experiences among people who have been diagnosed. I even talked with a friend of mine whose sister has ADHD and what it's like to live with somebody who has it. I really do not want to self diagnose but a lot of the symptoms have seemed to fit me and things I thought were normal for everybody are apparently not. For a while I was filled with anxiety about coming forward with my concerns to my mother, I was terrified of how she’d react, if she’d think I was stupid for thinking this, if she would just brush it off. But a week or so ago I was finally able to tell her.
So we recently scheduled an appointment with my doctor to discuss possibly having ADHD. This isn’t an official ADHD test just a basic consult. I’m terrible at talking to people, especially about what I’m thinking and feeling. Often ill just forget what I was going to say and end up only talking about fragments of my issues. Is there any way I can prepare? When I was convincing my mother to take me to see a doctor I made a 15-page document about symptoms that I experience and how it’s affecting me. Is this something I should show them? I'd appreciate it if anybody who’s maybe done this before would be able to give me some advice on how to best describe my symptoms and get my point across, thanks. (This is my first Reddit post, sorry if it isn't written well)
EDIT:
Thank you to everybody who gave me advice, I talked to my doctor, I was given a prescription of sertraline to help with anxiety and I was referred to a place where I will go in to talk to somebody next year and go forward from there. Thanks again!
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ADHD
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You agree with whatever your mind is trying to make you feel about the situation or thing you fear. Basically, if you think you're a bad person, a murderer, a pedo, racist, have some kind of illness, ANYTHING that is causing you distress, just accept that it "might" be true and let the anxiety rush over you without responding to it or trying to think something to make it go away.
Do this over and over again as each thought that causes you anxiety enters your mind. Never respond to them, always accept that the thoughts are happening and feel all the anxiety they bring without fighting it.
Just like muscles, whatever you show resistance to will get stronger, whereas if you let those bothersome thoughts and feelings flow through you like water, they will cease to become stronger over time.
On top of that, by going headfirst into your thoughts / fears / triggers and deciding to be vulnerable towards them by not responding to or wanting to "protect" yourself from them, you are training your brain to handle fear better in general by building new neuropathways that encourage the de-escalation of anxiety in situations where certain triggers cause the thought to happen. This can help with social anxiety, self-doubt and other negative belief patterns that are rooted in fear.
You will get better at this the more you practice it and like you could imagine, it feels great. OCD will probably try to tell you that your case is different and that this approach somehow can't help you... but that is a lie and always will be.
I promise you, you can do this. You can heal from the place you are now and it doesn't matter how far gone you think you are, progress and recovery are possible.
Teach fear and OCD a lesson, and that is, you are NOT your thoughts, YOU are simply the one who observes them.
Much love
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OCD
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i was supposed to do an essay today but i have not started on it and ive been working since 9:00am its 8:19 pm now, i wasted 11 whole hours just scrolling on reddit and i feel really awful and embarrassed. i really need to get this done before 11:00pm but i just can not seem to start it. do you guys have any tips on how to grind this?
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ADHD
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If you're in a busy store and you get boxed in and can't immediately leave the area, which causes a huge anxiety spike?
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ptsd
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Had a casual talk with my psychiatrist, she asked if there was anything traumatic that happened to me when I was younger. I said "no", obviously not or else I would've known and I would have remembered, but now I'm lying in bed and I can't sleep because I started to remember things that might be considered "trauma" under my DR's eyes. Although, I believe my "trauma" is nothing compared to others and I don't even think it's worth talking about since obviously I lived a good couple of years without having any big symptoms of suppressed trauma. Below are memories that I talked with a friend and she definitely agrees that these are sources of something. (Disclaimer: It looks like I'm trying to hunt down trauma, I would like to say that I just want an explanation for why I am so mentally ill but honestly maybe I am looking for trauma to feel like a victim. I'm not sure. Maybe I am just desperate)
First one, not having a dad and only having him enter my life when I was 7. My mom had me when my dad had a fully developed family already. My mom and I were just outsiders in his life at this point of his life. I actually didn't know this and only found out recently as I don't remember ever not having my dad (i'm a teen) but my mom told me so much information about how I would always ask where's my dad and asking all the questions about him and my mom (i love her so much) couldn't tell me at the time that he had a family of his own. The first couple of weeks/months after he came into my life though was all good I think. From images I have, I seemed very happy and bubbly although I can't remember anything.
Secondly, my mom thinks I was mistreated or picked upon by her friend's children. Since I didn't have a dad from the age seven and below and that my mom worked night shifts until morning, I was left at the friend of my mom's home. Let's call her Jane just for easy typing purposes. Jane was relatively nice I think, I barely remember any memories from her but I remember parts of furniture and that she also watched other children younger than me at her home at the same time. I also remember that I borrowed a lot of toys from their home and Jane's children would always complain about it and I was constantly ignored by them. (They were either teenagers or around 11+ I think, but I can't remember their face. When I try to it's all blurry). My mom asked me recently if I was ever slapped or hit during my stays at their home as sometimes I would go home with red rashes (like I was slapped or something) and my cheek to this day is very uneven but I really don't think so at all honestly because children get hurt, it's normal. Another memory I have is when I would pretend to sleep. My mom would carry me up the stairs and lay me down at Joe's bed (Jane's cousin/brother? i wasn't sure and still isn't sure) and when I try to think about me in the bed now, I just think of me crying and looking at the space underneath the distance between the wall and bed and the heavy smell of urine. I wrote this down because I want to remember this for the future because I tend to forget about this.
Thirdly, a couple years after my dad entered my life. (Still younger than ten)
I would wake up early morning to moans and loud groaning and I would realise that my dad was watching porn in the same room as I was. (Now, thinking about it I think I was 8 or 9 because somehow at the age I knew it was something very sexual) I remember looking up slightly without him noticing and seeing him with a blanket trying to cover up the screen. I knew for a fact he wasn't aware I was awake but he covered the screen. I remember just quietly sobbing every night and crying even though I had no real reason to. I just felt so scared for some reason, and felt guilty. I laugh about this nowadays though with a really close friend (I say this because it is embarrassing to just share this around any friend lol)
Lastly, (for now, i think i'm forgetting something major) I was at home at late night both with my mom and dad (i think i was 7 or 8) when a drug addict broke in. When I try to remember it now, I remember watching a TV show in my parents bedroom with my parents and then the rest is blacked out and then cut to me crying while wrapped under blankets and my parents duvet. I remember the horrific screams of my aunt and my mom and the horrified voice of my mom/aunt(?) calling the phone for the police. I remember at the time I thought aliens were invading our house but I genuinely remember crying so hard and being so scared hearing screams from my family. My parents and I laugh about it nowadays but the other day after my therapy session, I was laying in bed and it hit me that I am also wrapped up under a blanket. It felt so clear to me because my whole family knows and even extended family knows about how I sleep in a side fetus position with my blanket wrapped around my head and how I almost always sleep in this position. The only times I wouldn't sleep in this position is when I feel really hot and I don't use blankets but even then I still return in that position afterwards after I feel cool down and that if I don't sleep in that position, I feel really vulnerable but I am getting better at that. I also feel that I am too cautious at night, when I am about to go to bed I check if the main door is double locked and when I go to the toilet at night at dark, I have to check corners and I always hurry because in my brain I always imagine that there will be a man there waiting for me. (i know thats really stupid) but this also could be that i watched too much horror movies growing up so I just picked up this habit but the blanket issue felt so surreal like I just answered something that I've been waiting the answer for but I also could just be desperate for an answer on why I am considered mentally ill when I never lived a hard life or the fact that I am not exactly dirt poor (my mom a care assistant, dad retired, rented house that i'm living in is old and mouldy with mouse and spider infestations).
^
Just realising at the sentence I typed above in the brackets explains that I might just have a victim complex because I think I wrote the part of the details of my house for you readers to feel bad for me and just proof of my desperate nature for reassurance, I think I am being dramatic with all this typing but I am going to post it because I want to know your opinions and I also wrote too much just to get rid of it all. Please give me your opinions, if you think I'm being dramatic and that most people go through what I go through or maybe that some of the stuff I said makes sense? Please let me know.
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ptsd
|
This happened a few weeks back. I seriously hurt my back I was bedridden and on very strong painkillers for a week. I couldn't do anything for myself. At the time I was scared for two reason. 1. My back and 2. I'm literally going to need help from people to do literally everything. So I really dont like people touching any objects that I will be using due to a fear of peoples hands being contaminated with germs. However, because my back I didn't have a choice and was not able to clean them. The first day was tough I'll be honest its was physically and mentally exhausting just to overcome the fear to actually use a fork that someone brought into me. But that fear just kinda disappeared and it wasn't a huge fear as it once was.
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OCD
|
I was jumped in October by 4 people none of them are in jail I only know the name of one of them the court date keeps getting pushed I was set up either way I was feeling good for a while I was going out again and I was happy but something just hit me 2 days ago and I feel like I’m back at square one like it just happened to me Iv had mental break downs before but never a panic attack until tonight I feel mentally weak half the man I was if that some days I just think to myself I don’t enjoy this I don’t enjoy anything now I feel like I simply just exists to feel constant fear my life was placed in 4 other peoples hands and they decided if I lived or not they claimed I told on them for stealing a bike and bam out of no where I have a concussion and don’t remember much beside the fact that this happened or my thoughts are just kept down by trauma I just got medically cleared from the concussion but if anything it’s a curse now I remember Vividly I get jumped in my dreams It’s either I can’t sleep or I don’t wanna sleep I have hope that things can get better thought talking like this I’m happy I found this community mush love everybody 🍄❤️
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ptsd
|
I only care about things that interest me. Sorry, but that's the truth. I couldn't give a damn what you're interested in if it doesn't interest me in the first place, or if it's taking attention away from something I am trying to focus on.
Do you know how hard it is for me to focus on shit? When I'm getting distracted by a million different things, all it does is piss me off and make it harder for me to focus on the one thing I actually care about.
I wish chat programs had automated responses that I could set to tell people to screw off when I'm trying to focus on something.
EDIT: I just want to add, my temper has been short lately, and I have even less patience with people than I usually do. That's part of the reason I posted this.
EDIT2: Another thing I should add, **I have been trying not to infodump so much on my friends lately, because I know what it's like to be infodumped on and I want to avoid making them feel the same way.** So inb4 all comments about how they shouldn't care about what I have to say if I don't want to care about what they have to say.
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aspergers
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i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder recently and i'm just tired. i have no energy to go to school. i don't even have energy to go to my therapist appointments or go to my gp to get a sick note for school. i can't go grocery shopping. just going outside and walking 5 minutes is exhausting.
is this really depression? maybe something is wrong with me physically.
i can't get medication even though my therapist said i should, because i can't find anyone that can prescribe me any, the only way to get meds is to go to a day clinic for at least 2 weeks but school is important to me. i don't want to die, i just want this to stop for a while.
sorry for venting and thanks for reading i guess.
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depression
|
When I have no anxiety and am in a good mood I find it easier to separate the thoughts from myself and I realise that a lot of my false memories are bogus but when I’m in an anxious state it all feels so real, like man it’s so freaking weird and surreal, does the anxiety come from me realising the thoughts are true or is it the opposite way around? When I’m not feeling anxiety is that just me in denial and then my anxiety comes when I face the truth??? It’s so confusing
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OCD
|
I am still experiencing, hyperawareneas of thoughts . EVERY LAST ONE . MY mind won't stop.
I now have major Intrusives ,S thoughts, harm Ocd it seems , and the most wacked scary thoughts I have ever heard of. My mind is still repeating phrases ( same thoughts for 14 months straight ...looping , chatter , and now extreme psychcial symptoms .. jaw clentching , massive headache , brain burning ...tremor .
Ummmmm, any metas out there ? I cannot distract for a second ..
Mind awareness is hurting me huge.
Anyone ?
Is your mind supposed to talk 24/7 without a break ? And we are supposed to hear it ???? Audio???
Arg :( help . Please .
Thoughts dont kill a person but the inability to relax, sleep , think properly , process or remember do.
Can't watch tv yet....stupid chatter
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OCD
|
I read we have to stop ruminating but the entire problem is that I don't know how to do this. I admit that even before OCD I've always had a busy brain and never quite knew how to stop it (it wasn't a negative per se back then tbh). I have no idea how to control my thoughts, sometimes I can distract myself/put my attention elsewhere during the day when I have stuff to do, but once there's quietness and nothing to do I don't know how to stop the OCD thoughts whatsoever. Any tips? Seriously, I know how to stop physical compulsions, it's very straight forward, but this shit gets me very confused? I thought the entire reason we have a disorder is because we don't have choice with how much we ruminate. But if there's a way how to get a hold on this and make it better I'd like tips!
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OCD
|
I come from a very competitive, upwardly mobile, middle-class background.
Everyone in my family is an achiever.
I was always the best student, the bookworm.
It started with chronic pain. The headaches.
Making it impossible to do my academic work. To do my reading and writing and finish my master's.
I was, at one point, trying to get a master's. I took the GRE and have graduate credits.
I have transcripts of all of my academic work.
At some point, I became full-blown bipolar.
Then the terror of dealing with a stalker for two years. The broken windows. The damaged property. Then he rear-ended me on a busy highway.
My family can't have this.
My employers can't have this.
I managed as best I could, in silence, with my shrink and me and sometimes my dad.
I now have a diagnosis of PTSD from years of abuse plus the other violence.
But I sit there, with my therapist, my family, my friends.
And there's this voice in my head.
"You're a liar. You're a fraud."
Because I can still think clearly, and dress well, and crack jokes.
This isn't me. This isn't who I wanted to be when I was a little girl.
I still feel like I'm lying.
A fraud when asking for help.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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ptsd
|
im a broke piece of shit and i will never improve because i was trash to begin with. im not worth anything and i dont want to continue living. im incapable of doing anything right and im a waste
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depression
|
im probably going to kill myself, after my girlfriend decided it was the best if we broke up ive just been done with life. she was my everything, she was the only person i was comfortable talking to. she was the only one i was comfortable talking to after my dad died. i dont blame her for her decision, her mental health is not doing well either. its just that our relationship was so good but then it all went downhill. i dont have anyone to love or anyone to talk to. im too afraid for therapy because i havent told anyone else abt my problems than her. i know i was not a good boyfriend i did many things wrong but i tried to improve but i knew it was too late, nothing was changing in me and honestly its just the best this way so i cant affect her mental health more. school is also affecting my mental health, im putting too much of my time and energy into school. my mom doesnt care abt my mental health she just wants me to do good in school. i know im a kid and many people wont take me seriously but i dont mind it. this might possibly be the last time anyone will hear from me.
edit: we were together for 2+ years so no this is not one of those 2 week middle school relationships
edit: thanks so much for everyone and anyone that commented and helped, i feel much better for now knowing that even though im just some random kid on the internet, theres still people who care for me, much love to everyone <3
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depression
|
Hey all, I’ve told no one about my life because I don’t wanna bother this but I’m gonna dump this here cause I need someone to listen at least.
First I wanna say I support everyone here :)
My girlfriend (18) and I (19) broke up in the beginning of June because we fought too much. She sued me for child support for 1,000 a month in July.
I began heavy drinking a lot. The same week we broke up my best friends ex offered me a place to stay and when I was drunk she date raped me. Thankfully my friend wasn’t mad because it wasn’t the first time for her.
At the time I as also working at a distribution center so it was ok for me. I was living in a deadly expensive apartment with $750 a month for 1 bed 1 bath. As soon as I lived there I continued binge/heavy drinking every night even during work nights. Never nights I had I kid though. I lost my job due to poor attendance from me oversleeping from being so drunk. I had to leave the apartment and move into my exes dads rental.
I worked at another distribution center and stopped drinking for a bit but then I got injured and found out I had carpal tunnel in both hands. I could work for a good 3 weeks and that’s when the drinking started again. This is early September at this point. One night I decided to drink and drive and got a DUI. I can’t drive until February
Thankfully I found a job with my lifelong friend at Walmart but I still can’t afford rent and child support. I’m 5k in debt for child support and about 1,500 in debt for rent. I’m out by the end of the month but my ex won’t let my kid be at my moms house because she smokes. Even though my ex started to too.
I’m not even sad. I’m numb to everything. Drinking makes me “happy” but that and everything else just distracts me. I’ve been thinking of jumping in front of a bud many times while I’m drunk just so my kid doesn’t have to grow up knowing me.
Anyway that’s my story dump. I might drunk respond to replies if I get any.
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depression
|
Idk if this is ADHD related or not but whenever I’m not at work or hanging out, I have this unshakable urge to be productive (reading,studying,hobbies,cleaning,etc) but I can never decide what to do. (I also seem to lose all interest in my hobbies the moment I’m inside my house) So I just end up on my phone for the majority of the day.
I feel like if I’m not actively doing something to progress in life then I’m just wasting time.
Basically, when is it okay to “waste time” and how do you avoid overdoing it?
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ADHD
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I have read another bullshit passage recently, it states: Then, instead of focusing solely on building neural images of itself and its world, the baby’s awareness is on its inner self. The baby is less attuned to the outside world and to the process of integrating the social engagement system. This is possibly what happens with autism. The child, distracted by discomfort or switched to Immobilize, may not develop a strong image of self to refer to when interacting with the world.
To give some context it is about the idea that the nervous system is causing autism because the body has been found not to fully wire up properly in autistics. There is no doubt in my mind that this is utter bullshit. I believe we are born with autism, I plan on proving it, however, the idea that it is our bodies that are causing such a fundamental difference in minds is ridiculous.
There might be a link between the nervous system and autistics problems with their bodies e.g digestive issues and other internalised processes however autistics have a more advanced connection to their senses and sensory information due to a more advanced system for taking in data and information in the brain compared to an NT’s more advanced social system.
NT’s tend to look for a ‘cure’ to autism and a need to solve it, we don’t need a cure because we’re not diseased, we’re not broken. We just have a different basic brain functionality that is focused/ made for taking in information and data than being social. There was a time where social interaction and communication was extremely important for the human race to progress, the establishing of languages and society, however, I think we now are progressing in other ways and autism is a product of that.
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aspergers
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I was hospitalized for a while. It helped I was getting better. I felt better. I will sometimes have these moments where Im depressed for a day then I’m good. Today feels different. I feel like I’m reverting back to symptoms and I’m being triggered more. I feel helpless and confused because I was doing so well and I feel like I’m failing apart again. Two days ago I was happy I didn’t take my own life but today I’m thinking of ways out. Why am I falling apart again?
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ptsd
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I struggle with feeling like my trauma is valid, that I’m just making a big deal about nothing and should be able to move on but can’t. I think I was being groomed as a young teenager, but the man was caught by my parents and he was removed from my life before anything advanced to more of a criminal level. Does anyone else know what I mean by this—I feel like I was so manipulated, but because “nothing happened”, I don’t feel like I have grounds for being traumatized or for having people see what happened as abuse. I’m not sure I can even call it abuse. Since it didn’t escalate, I feel like I can never know for sure what his intent was. I saw a counselor for a couple of months about a year ago, and she told me she was billing my insurance for our sessions as PTSD treatment. I struggle to know what to make of it all. I’m in a lot of pain, and I can’t escape my mind thinking about it pretty much every single day.
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ptsd
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I seem to be getting less intrusive thoughts since breaking up with my partner and am feeling a lot happier but also now starting to get intrusive thoughts about my ex and it’s beginning to confuse me as to what I want - has anyone had anything similar and/or have any wisdom/knowledge/advice to share
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OCD
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