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Asking because jeans dont cut it anymore for me...i want those really baggy ones that the parkour people have and yes its because im hyper-sensitive | aspergers |
I am unsure why I decided I was going to write this but here I am. A bit of background, I've been coping with this feeling of sheer emptiness for a few months now. I had begun to notice the sheer lack of "enjoyment" I was feeling from things I once liked. I play the Saxophone and it is one of my favorite hobbies (which it still is) and along with that, i like to play video games every so often which I mean maybe 3-4 hours in the evening on my off days. Now it just feels... well I'm really not sure. all i know is that I don't feel much of anything besides sadness or anger. I feel like I'm pushing away my friends and family by being a massive pain in their butts to deal with. And it's not like they care much, when I try to talk and get these feelings off my chest I'm often told: "youve got a lot to live for, it will get better we promise." In my quest to find some meaning I have been met with nothing but disappointment, nothing seems to fit in the hole which i have within myself. I'm also told "we love you", I understand this but why is it only being brought up now? Am I being selfish or is this argument justified? in my darkest moments I am told I am loved and appreciated, any other time people would be quick to throw me under a bus if push came to shove. I'm also not one to fall in love much, but recently I'm growing attracted to people who just give me attention. I know this isn't right and it's eating me up inside and I hate it so much. I feel like an asshole even saying these things and if those people knew then how would they feel about me? would I just ruin another chance at a friendship as I have for these months? Yes, I want to be in love, I want a partner, I want to be able to care for someone who can also care for me. I don't want to be in anything romantic really, just someone who I can talk to on a deeper level and show some affection for. But I feel like I can't speak to anyone like everyone I see doesn't see me. And now I just feel completely worthless, the smallest mistake shakes me to my core and I feel like I shouldn't try any further than I have. I haven't been diagnosed with anything mainly because i haven't gone to a professional about this, not worth the effort to get an answer which I can probably answer myself. And to anyone who read this far, thanks for giving a damn. | depression |
I have had severe food texture issues as a child. I have a limited diet and I suspect I still have it. I am planning to permanently move to Japan for language school, university and then as a resident. I'd leave October 2022. This is basically the sole reason I haven't killed myself. I'm severely concerned this will be stolen from me because of this food issue. | aspergers |
(Possible trigger warning: Mentions sexual abuse material)
When I was 14, I was browsing a smaller subreddit that was related to a YouTube content creator. As I was scrolling, though, I saw something that I was not at all expecting to come across and did not want to find - a sexually explicit image of a young girl. I was absolutely horrified and disgusted by it. After finding it, I reported the post and left a comment on the post insulting the person who posted the image.
It has been almost two years since this happened, and it started heavily bothering me out of nowhere as of yesterday (it has several times in recent months as well). The image, as disgusting as it is, is burned into my mind, and I just hate the fact that I can’t remove it. I’m forced to live with it until I die.
What has also been scaring me is my reaction to the picture. I was absolutely disgusted and appalled by it, but still stared at it for several seconds upon initially seeing it (out of shock), as well as a few more seconds before I exited out of the post (while I didn’t really expect this to help anything, I tried to memorize what the girl’s face looked like, as I would know what it would look like if I ever saw that a similar looking girl was missing or something like that. I knew not much would likely come out of doing so, but I figured that if I had this horrible image in front of me, I would at least try to take information from it to help the victim if ever possible). Plus, while I was commenting and reporting, part of the image may have been on my screen in my field of view (I don’t remember for sure).
I’m worrying that I didn’t do enough to cover up or hide the image from my vision (I don’t remember covering explicit parts of it with my hand as to hide it, and I didn’t think to at the time for some reason. If I hid it some other way, I don’t remember, as the memory is somewhat vague). Plus, I fear that I violated the girl in the image in some way by (possibly) not doing everything possible to hide the image from my vision. I did not enjoy seeing it whatsoever, though, and it was likely a reaction due to shock / disgust, as well my brain trying to process what I had seen.
I’ve felt terrible for the past 24+ hours because of it. I can’t even tell if I’m overreacting or not. I was disgusted by the image and did not want to look at it, but I feel like I still did a horrible thing by staring at it, even if it was due to the shock of having seen something so terrible. I feel like a horrible person and it’s absolutely killing me. The girl in the picture didn’t consent for me to see that - so why did I stare at it? Even if it was just because my mind was trying to process the horrible thing I saw, why didn’t I cover it with my hand immediately? I know I did not intend to do anything bad, and that I would never want to. I keep asking myself if I’m obsessing too much or if I really did something bad. This is really scaring me. | OCD |
I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve been on adderall 15mg for the past year and was recently prescribed an antidepressant a few months ago. I felt like I was finally a normal person I was able to go about my day and spend time with family, be able to pay attention to what people say, watch movies, get a job. Fast forward to now I quit my job, I can’t focus on anything, can’t keep conversations with anyone, impulse shop until I’m broke, lay in bed all day and constantly drink energy drinks, I can’t even start a task without going onto something else or getting frustrated. I talked to my doctor about possibly increasing my dose for my adderall and they said that it sounds like symptoms of depression and that I should try increasing my dose of Prozac first. Started 20mg Prozac today and it’s honestly been so much worse I can’t focus at all 😭😭 | ADHD |
When I was 23, I started to randomly develop hand tremors. I was not on any type of medication. I am now 27 and they are very much still there, and people now comment on them. I went to a neurologist and he believed it was not MS or Parkinsons disease since my balance was intact, but wasn't sure what the cause was. It does not run in my family.
Can this be caused by ptsd??. | ptsd |
Like at some point there’s no reasons left not to. I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20 and I have nothing to show for it. It’s getting harder and harder to make friends and I can feel the few I do have slipping away like they always do in the end. No one’s ever going to want to marry me and I’ll never have my own family like I’ve always wanted. Why should I have to keep going and suffer? Why should I have to keep going and become the crazy cat lady 20 years from now? Why is it wrong for me to put myself out of my misery before any of that shit happens? I’ve seen these people, they’re 40+ years old and they’re just losers. You can tell they aren’t where they want to be in life and that they don’t believe they ever will.
People always say “You can’t give up, it gets better! Just keep trying!” Like no, you don’t know that it gets better. It can’t get better for everyone. If there’s winners then there has to be losers as well. I don’t see what’s so wrong about throwing in the towel when you know you’ve lost. I shouldn’t have to continue on with my pathetic existence, being nothing but an embarrassment to myself and my family.
I shouldn’t have to become a lonely middle aged woman who gets pitied by everyone they meet. I shouldn’t have to be the person who kills themself and then doesn’t get discovered for weeks because literally no one talks to them or cares that they exist. I should be allowed to end it when I no longer believe it’s possible to turn things around, and who would know when that is better than myself? I’m the one living this life not others, so who are they to act like they know my life better than me? | depression |
i was never going to say this to anyone, but the more i hate myself the more i think about being stabbed/stabbing myself? not even in a way where id actually do it, but just in this draining persistent way where everytime something physically hurts like my chest or my head i think about stabbing it just so theres a different feeling and i vividly try to imagine the pain. everything just fucking sucks. i daydream daily now of this kind of shit, back when i was working in a kitchen a lot id think about "accidently" tripping with a knife or hitting my head on the sharp counter edges. do i just shrug this off? i cant really stop the thoughts because i think i deserve it and its a shame i dont do it? im having a really bad stupid dumb day and everything is boiling over | depression |
Me: reads a triggerwarning, thats definetely reffering to me
Also me: CANT.... STOP... reading...
...just ended up in a panic attack yesterday after ignoring one and now I'm wondering weather I am the only one just ignoring all the warnings that are intended to at least stop me for a second to think about weather I can take this or not....
do you know this? And/or how do you handle this...
I spend so much time reaserching really dark shit (cptsd/ritual abuse...) it really felt like an urge to me to suck all of the knowledge in and i also thought I just couldnt look away... there already are too little people knowing about this stuff...
But i think i just started to realize how I pushed away or ignored my wounded inner child... and i think this is the first step to realize, that I maybe shouldnt 'ignore' triggerwarnings like I did till now...
(Is this maybe an adhd thing? Would be really interested in input/exchange about ptsd +adhd..) | ptsd |
I'm having trouble bonding with my son. What can I do to bond with him? | aspergers |
I just feel so confused right now.
So, I recently got diagnosed with combined type adhd in November and got prescribed 10mg of generic adderall ir twice a day. I took them throughout the month but never felt any different? I think I had a lower appetite, but not entirely sure. I mentioned this to my doctor in my follow-up last week and they upped the dose to 20mg. This is the 3rd day and…..it’s like I’m taking candy. Literally feel no different at all.
Is this normal? I have never used stimulants in the past, and I usually drink a lot of coffee to try and focus on stuff. My doc did say that it was unusual and I should have felt something, so now I’m worried as even when the dose if doubled that I still not noticing anything.
I take it when I wake up, with water, and then usually eat a small breakfast afterwards, if that affects anything. | ADHD |
i swear to fucking god ill never be loved by anyone. im sick and tired of this shit. im so fucking alone. | depression |
I’m going through a bit of a health crisis right now (I got diagnosed with POTS) and it’s ALL I can think about. I seriously spent the entire day on Reddit, on Facebook, googling and looking for similar stories and solutions. Whenever I feel a body sensation, I IMMEDIATELY have to check it out and search for validation. I have probably checked my pulse and blood pressure 20x today.
I’m driving my loved ones crazy because I’m so scared and I can’t stop ruminating on my new diagnosis. In my defense, it has actually been really debilitating and I’m on all sorts of medications with side effects and I’m just so afraid. :( | OCD |
Whether it's someone trying to sell me something or a fined trying to convince me to try something new.
To be honest I am never sure about anything and always hesitant, so I really hate it when someone changes into something I don't want especially when I regret it. | aspergers |
I have OCD and ADHD. I have experienced TOCD, HOCD, and SOCD (fear/intrusive thoughts of having scizophrenia or another illness like that)
I read somewhere on here thattheres an underlying cause to ocd and the intrusive thought and I think mine might be due to an underlying fear of not being "normal" as I had no friends when I was young. | OCD |
So I was told I had Asperger's since I was five and I never thought much of it. The most I did was that it was something small or something that I had previously but not any more. It was only when my mother finally said the umbrella term, autism, that it fully caught my attention. I began doing as much research as I could online. I felt average for the most part, i mean there were quirks but who doesn't have some. As I was reading the lists upon lists of symptoms, it felt like I was finding more and more all of my problems were caused by it. Social issues, patterns even down to the smallest thing, and more I had thought was just something about me and to be honest it kind of hurt. I've come to terms about most of them but there's something I could use help with. My social anxiety which had been tolerable a year ago, has become paralyzing. For example, my best friend and a few others were going to the mall and hoped I would join them, I said yes immediately but soon after found myself telling myself no. I felt myself begging for them to cancel and at one time I thought of feigning being ill. I ended up going and had a wonderful time, but I still feel drawn inside even just feet outside. I cant socialize, work or even go on a stroll. My question to you guys, what can I do to relive this, even a little. -Dry Marketing | aspergers |
I am autistic don't see why any one whould want to fake it. | aspergers |
17m here and ive been on vyvanse for about 4 months now and now ive realised that i cant enjoy games as much unless ive taken my meds, its pretty annoying coz video games have been apart of my life for a long time and ive always enjoyed them. not only am i just not enjoying it as much, my skill especially in a game like OSU which ive been playing a lot lately is just not as good as i would be if i have taken my vyvanse. hopefully this is normal and i havent fked my dopamine receptors or sumn | ADHD |
does anyone else have ocd obsessions like rocd or pocd but it creates a specific false memory stress?? my pocd is getting so bad that it’s telling me that i have hurt a child in the past (i have never and would rather die than do so) and blocked it out. this horrifies me; any tips? | OCD |
I’m sure a lot of us have had this conversation
“Sorry”
“You say sorry, too often”
“Sorry”
“Stop apologising”
“Sorry”
“Just stop ok”
“Ok I’m sorry” | aspergers |
hey guys
i recently got diagnosed for adhd. ive been working from home for the majority of my working life, and expected that would be the case moving forward
unfortunately, my company just said that we need to go in 2 days a week. i literally cant work with other people around, people are constantly talking loudly or interrupting me midway. im prone to making small mistakes and focus much better without all the outside noise, so im really dreading going in. i dont mind one day every week or something for the social aspect and i can get most of my work done at home, but 2 days is pushing it.
my psychiatrist said in the UK companies have to make reasonable accommodations and can provide me with a letter that says so BUT im in my probation period so im still a little worried this is gonna backfire
what do i do? who do i tell about this? HR? my manager? | ADHD |
I watched a movie about some terrorist attack. In the movie the terrorist had problems with his family. And then my brain went "wait, you too have problems with your family" which is true. And then my brain went "This means that you too can make horrible things like him" What should I do?
I also think that since I have problems with my family, thats why I have mental problems like ocd? | OCD |
Idk why I’m doing this but I just opened up in another post so might as well go all the way. Ive been suffering in silence for a long time. I’ve never felt like I could be open with my true feelings not with my family or my “friends” or even therapist. I’m always perceived as the “happy go lucky” person. Anyone you ask would say I’m the happiest person in the world with my annoyingly energetic and hyper personality. Only to go home and cry myself to sleep every single day. I’m always entertaining people, really good with kids I feel like a Clown who isn’t getting paid. I’ve been sad for probably about 5-6 years? I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. Lost my last best friend a couple years ago when I thought I could open up to her about my depression and she immediately turned it into a competition. “There’s no way you cry more than me, no absolutely not you’re the happy one” didn’t even acknowledge that I myself was depressed. Then tried my ex of two years. “Do you even know what that means?” That broke me.
Don’t even get me started on my parents. I love them but that toxic household is kinda what started this and if I try to talk it’s defense mode or “you didn’t go through my trauma you can’t talk.” And the most painful “Oh you’re so miserable all the time can you not just be happy like you used to?” As I sit in silence because they won’t like my answer. I feel like I’m not allowed to be sad ever because I’m the happy one. My feelings are never taken into consideration. Parents during Covid “Aw my poor 8 y/o daughter is out of school and doesn’t understand why she can’t see her friends… oh other daughter why do you look sad?“ oh well I don’t get prom or to go to states and get a ring and recruited and offers by several colleges no senior experience “people are dying” where’s the sympathy you just had for my sister? That’s EXACTLY what she said. So it’s just me it feels like. And I have hundreds of other examples just like that. In every family event I disappear to hide and cry for a long ass time before going back out and putting on a show. Hence the clown reference.
Went to therapy and the woman interrupted me nonstop and would always kick me out 15-20 minutes before our session finished. After building a lot of courage I called the suicide hotline the dude hung up on me as soon as I spoke. I know that’s not every therapist but I just feel so trapped and like I can’t speak to not one person. Now that I’m in my own place, out of school , and out of a fresh/sloppy break up I feel so alone.
It’s getting harder and harder every single night. I want to go get help but 1. I don’t feel motivated and 2. I have extreme anxiety especially over going. Even if I did go what’s going to happen? They’re gonna give me drugs? What if I tell them the truth? Will I be put in a crazy house? What if they don’t even care like everyone else in my life? How long am I going to have to sit in a waiting room? I probably can’t even afford it. I really want help I promise I’ve made several appointments over the past year I’ve missed them all though. Well I went once kinda just to get diagnosed but it felt like a test and like I had to watch what I say and I never went back due to my anxiety. My adhd and depression have far worsened and I’ve developed severe anxiety I have anxiety over literally everything so I avoid everything including getting help.
Idk but at this point I just feel so done. The only reason I’m still here is because how guilty I feel over how everyone would feel. But guiltiness over me is getting weaker and weaker . I’m always doing shit for others, me being alive is for others entertainment. why cant I put myself first for once? Why shouldn’t I? All those feelings will be gone once it’s done no? I’m sick of being used yet still everyone’s last pick. I can’t even imagine my future anymore because I can’t see myself here much longer. I just turned 20 I’m supposed to do this for 70 more years? I’m really embarrassed how much I’ve said tonight on Reddit but I just wanted to be heard. At least for once in my life, I’m sorry. I know this is all over the place and really lengthy I’m sorry. | depression |
I'm new to the sub so please delete if this is not allowed. For a long time, I thought I had anxiety but I've recently learned that my "issues" fall more in line with OCD, albeit mild (I think). I have a pretty much constant fear that my food, drink are tainted with poison by someone trying to hurt me. Examples are hard to pinpoint but here's one.... I went to the beach with my daughter this morning. I left our water bottles in the stroller while we played on the beach. I saw a homeless man come onto the beach. I then decided he MIGHT have tainted our drinks in some way. I didn't drink any water or offer my daughter any until we got home and I emptied the water bottles, washed them, and refilled with fresh water. I have little things like this a lot... It's distressing and I want to at least put a name to this so I can start figuring out how to help myself. | OCD |
I’ve picked my way into a massive infection that’s gotten worse since I saw the doctor a few days ago. The right side of my neck is swollen and red. I have patches of dry skin where I tried to pop things that weren’t poppable. My mother just isn’t interested in being in my life anymore, but up until the last two or three months, she was my best friend. Granted we were definitely codependent as fuck but she was my support system, the one and only constant in my life in the last 30 years. She was my lifeline, some days the only thing between myself and absolute rock bottom. My brain won’t register but our relationship isn’t OK right now, it’s registering like she’s..gone. I’m grieving like I’ve lost the most important person in my life. I used to literally imagine the worst day in the world would be the day that she died. My body is physically just shutting down it feels like. Basic functioning like even bandaging my fucking numerous wounds that I literally did to myself, just to reiterate, I’m complaining about something I could definitely prevent. Like I don’t wonder why I have no friends and have lost all my relationships… I know I just thought 20 years of therapy, numerous inpatient and outpatient programs for mental health, I’m just being a fucking smart person in general would keep me afloat. I was fucking wrong. I just lost my job two weeks ago. The most low-key slow burn discrimination ever. I self harmed this job more often than I ever have before. My boss would intentionally trigger me. It’s on camera, him following me when I’m trying to get away from him having a panic attack and he cornered me in the break room. He was just hoping that he could poke a stick in my cage enough to make me break. That’s not exactly how the end played out went, but it was so fucked.
Ever since I got fired I’ve been self harming so much I got myself a horrible infection. I could afford exactly one doctors appointment, $45 and the antibiotics. Somehow it’s gotten worse since then and my neck looks like I swallowed a golf ball. I have patches of scaly skin, the areas where I picked recently hurt so bad. Like I literally do this to myself. That’s what I don’t get.A psychiatrist I went to one time, probably my favorite, essentially said that my amygdala attacks the rest of my brain and it’s just self sabotage city. Complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder, OCD, ADD, and I think it’s all caught up to me. I have a useless bachelors degree. I love it, but in the Florida Panhandle there’s not exactly a lot of jobs in the history field. I ended up here because of a man, and that ended up being such a traumatic situation four years later I’m still kind of struggling with it even though it’s the tail end. I saw a picture of myself from a couple years ago and had a complete meltdown the other day. I used to be so pretty and I didn’t realize it. Now I’ve got my whole face bandaged up, scars all over me and my inside I guess matches my outside now too. I mean so well. My intentions are truly only to help other people, support those that need it. To be the person that I needed when I was at my lowest for someone else. When theDarkness blocks out the light. People always say let me know if you need anything! I am here for you! But you have to be careful when you say that to me. I’ve had more than a couple men tell me they wanted to marry me… I’m 30 and single so clearly you can see how that worked out. When the rubber hits the road it’s too much. I know my mom is an alcoholic and that’s a mitigating factor in her behavior, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
My cat and my dog are sitting on either side of me and I feel like they’re being nice to each other just to make me feel better. My best friend has been irritated with me and has his own stuff going on which I totally get it, but I’m just so down all the time I the last week or so. I’d be annoyed if I was him too, but he is kind of being a dick.
I certainly have made choices that put me where I am, and my eternal struggle is that I blamed everyone else for the first half of my life,but now I just blame myself. Borderline takes over and it’s either one extreme or the other but it comes off sounds like a pity party…but really I’m just getting my thoughts out in order to analyze them. Guess I shouldn’t use other people as sounding boards anymore. I feel like I’m just scared to talk to anyone about anything anymore. I am already in a weird place with a short fuse, if somebody said the wrong thing and it caused friction God knows how upset I would get. I can’t stand crying anymore. The one fucking job interview I’ve had since I got fired – I fucking cried! Fucking cried in the goddamn interview! What the fuck what the actual fuck. Never going back to that store again. I have so much more to say but I’m going to stop. I hate the mobile app and I’m tired of listening to myself talk. I didn’t have the energy to type this but I wanted to get it out. There’s probably a bunch of typos, and it’s rambling..But I just had to get it out somewhere other than Google docs. My heads killing me and I probably need to eat. All I want is tomorrow to be better than today. | depression |
Why do I and other people find it so hateful.
I'm going to delete this later, I think you guys know the reason why. | OCD |
I need some suggestions. I’m losing my mind and can only take so much. | depression |
Winter is always bad for me, this is when my anxiety and depression gets really really bad. Last year it was around this time I had my massive breakdown which resulted in my diagnosis in OCD. I managed to cut down my shower time to less than half an hour but lately it has increased again. I can’t tell it’s because of the seasonal change, lack of sunlight, drinking more coffee than usual or been forgetting to take meds properly for the last two weeks. I’m really scared. Anyone else been in a similar position? | OCD |
(This explanation about why the thoughts are irrational and why reassurance does not work, will involve two parts of the brain, the amygdala and the neocortex.)
The amygdala is responsible for the fight-or-flight response. It is primitive (reptilian) and therefore has no language capability.
The neocortex, however, is responsible for our thoughts, amongst other things. It is intellectual (mammalian) and has language capability.
The anxiety originates from the amygdala. It is responsible for (mis)firing distress signals to warn us of danger. In the case of OCD, however, the amygdala has malfunctioned and is misfiring. The neocortex, not knowing that it is a false alarm, then tries to find a reason/theme for the distress signal. Imagine a bird tripping off a perimeter alarm and the guards scrambling to find the (non-existent) intruder.
This could explain why the thoughts are so irrational and makes no sense, yet the sufferer experiences authentic feelings of distress. It is also why reassurance does not work, because the amygdala has no language capability.
(Hopefully, with some understanding of how OCD works, one could be in a better position to avoid mistakes and make progress in their recovery.) | OCD |
Hello ! I’ve been on adderall xr for a few months. Worked my way from 5 to 20 then back down to 15 as the 20 made my anxiety go higher. I’m committed to working with my doctor to find the right treatment as I’m newly diagnosed as a 34 yr old woman. I’ve been having some issues with the XR regarding it not being always effective. I think the main issue is I’m having to take unisom or Benadryl to sleep so I’m taking the adderall pretty groggy. But I wondered if maybe I suggested the IR to my physician If that’s a viable option ? My days start at 5:45 and I work ten hour days then have my second job as a housewife and mom lol.
Has anyone had experience with this ? Thank you ! | ADHD |
Just wanted to rant that my boyfriend's video game rage is a major trigger because he tends to yell, throw things, and hit the things around him. He's definitely gotten better after the 3+ times I've broken down after his rages from my PTSD but I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation? It took a lot to get him to understand how deeply his seemingly inconsequential video game rage would affect me but I definitely had to break down multiple times and threaten to leave (I'm temporarily living with him) if he didn't stop. Have any of you ever had something someone else did that was triggering to you and you had to argue with them to stop? He has had general anger issues in the past (not physically towards any of his ex's or me) and for him, video games are where he can let out anger and frustration and it's a really difficult habit to change. It's not completely fair for him that I feel like he will let that anger out on me when he is raging at FIFA but it's also not fair for me to be hyperfocused whenever he plays in order to know when he loses so I can mentally prepare myself or not be able to breathe when he's punching the couch/table/floor/controller. | ptsd |
My favorite: The Man Who Wasn't There (Ed Crane has aspergers, almost certainly) | aspergers |
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADHD. My parents/the school had me on Ritalin. It did nothing, my parents pulled me out of public school and homeschooled me. My mom had me on caffeine pills through most of my childhood. It works for maintaining focus on immediate task. Useless for my working memory issues. Constantly loose my keys, wallet, the thing I put down 3 seconds ago. I moved from a mechanic position, which I was great at, but it's hard on my body, and as I get older it hurts to go to work. I was offered a management position, I took it the bump in pay was significant. The work is basically MUCH faster pace and tasks can change on a dime. I can't afford to go back to being a tech. I have my step son seeing a psychiatrist because his ADHD is so bad, he can't maintain a full day of school. She mentioned that it would be good for me as well as for stepson if I went on meds. My reason for writing this is I have questions about the meds that affect working memory, focus and ability to return to task. What options do I have medwise, would treatment be meds alone? That's what I can think of for now. | ADHD |
I have a couple friends and I find it really difficult just arranging to see them and hang out even though they live near. I work best by spontaneous same day/next day plans.
However they just take forever to respond to msgs ( can’t stand making calls sadly) and I get frustrated as they end up suggesting some time in distant future which I struggle to commit to. For me making plans just sucks out all the excitement and fun and I end up resenting the fact I have plans that I need to stick to. It feels like a chore. I don’t like feeling this way :(
So quite frequently I end up doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself. Uhhh.
Do you guys get this feeling too?
All suggestions welcome ty
(Undiagnosed, unmedicated) | ADHD |
Just got some sad news and I’m all alone, anyone available to chat | depression |
Trigger Warning
Don't know where to post this. This is close enough. I've seen so many dead bodies. Its kinda weird lol. I remember when I was 6 or 5 years old I convinced myself that I did not see a dead baby in a trash bin riddled with worms and the neighborhood freaking out when it happened. I guess that's the time I really started sleep walking/talking because the family stopped talking about it. Went years without proper sleep because...
Funny part, it happened twice when I was young dead babies. It really did a number on me. The first time I think I managed to keep it a secret (although sleep walking me was/is very active). I remember the smell very well because...
I've seen three dead bodies from car accidents. Shredded. Once my friend got hit by a car (and survived) and I didn't flinch or react, I just continued walking. Writing this out makes a lot of things click (why I felt so emotionally void towards people when they are hurt).
- the scent of a dead body is kinda of a sickiningly sweet
Also when I was >7 years, our maid vomited green and collapsed convulsing, can't recall if she died or not.
I've never discussed this with anyone but I feel okay. Am I okay? Lol
Cont... yes I was flogged as a child by my father constantly. I hate him but we don't talk yet we live in the same house. Will move soon
Cont... I am a gay man in a conservative country who was recently raped by a man I trusted (I'm now 28)
Consider all of that and yet, I think I'm fine. Almost at peace with everything that has happened to me. But sometimes I feel mad for no reason... lol, guess now that I look at it, there might be a reason why | ptsd |
not even in a morbid way, and i know my parents would never let me get that bad but like every day i genuinely have to take it minute by minute because i don’t believe i’ll survive into the next day/week/month. i’ve felt like this for months now and clearly i’m still here but every day i just feel like “this is it” and i can’t imagine myself in the future. anyone else ??? | depression |
I'll preface by saying that yes, I could probably look this up and as a result hopefully this isn't too superfluous.
But anyways, I was jumped 3 years ago for my phone and wallet. I got swarmed and bashed in the face until my cheek split open-- I ended up walking home because I lost my bus fare as well and was basically in a state of shock.
Since that period (may 2017), I've noticed that I've been a lot more quick to anger than I was before. I've always had issues with anger, but prior to being jumped it usually manifested as a "slow burn" that'd take time to build up. Post-jumping, it's usually come across a lot more suddenly and manifested itself violently-- kicking garbage cans, hitting things, punching the punching bag to the point of having raw knuckles, etc. This anger has also manifested itself in terms of blowing up on acquaintances/friends for little to no reason, and I have ruined a number of relationships-- platonic and romantic-- because of it.
The issue of being reckless with my personal safety hasn't been as much of a problem these days, but for perhaps a year after the fact of being jumped, I would do things like actively intervene to break up fights outside of bars/clubs, walk around in the early morning while being drunk/high, bike around stupidly drunk, etc.
The anger issue is a perpetual one. As I've said, the reckless behaviour isn't as much, although it comes and goes and sometimes occurs contemporarily if something's upset me or pissed me off.
Are these behavioural traits/symptoms consistent with any form/manifestation of PTSD? | ptsd |
Ive been very hurt in the past by falling in love and i really just hope it doesnt happen again. I avoid females. | OCD |
>Jim Banks
>
>@RepJimBanks
>
>Rep. Ilhan Omar complained she’s “stricken with PTSD” because of recent events in the Middle East.
>
>This is a disgrace and offensive to our nation’s veterans who really do have PTSD after putting their life on the line to keep America safe.
>
Source - https://twitter.com/RepJimBanks/status/1215034549765312512?s=20
See:
[Ilhan Omar Talks About ‘Trauma’ Of War After GOP Lawmaker Dismissed Her PTSD](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ilhan-omar-war-ptsd-iran_n_5e179d22c5b6da971d130805?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANsWOG0-_9DyN01c1ZjTpkxMuqUvAoq-J2sS6EsPWomdo3UYWSTTznYRS5lX5JTIyYWqy1s11MJQ96LIVhSo1AD4vdNvb-Gj9fNZ3RK9AogJsEfoiSk2qn-EqphoDYy8wxmbztK2-DVr_95bXchVahcEbGftXEs-SyuaeMVXu90A) | ptsd |
So, for some reason my pharmacy has kept my prescription refill in the “in progress” stage for a week. Tomorrow is my last pill and the pharmacy app says that it may be ready by Monday afternoon. I’m really concerned about missing two days (or more). I’ve missed one by accident a couple of times, and let’s just say those were not good days. Has anyone had any experience with this? Should I maybe hunker down with some edibles and ride out the wait? Life in general right now is severely stressful, honestly one of the most difficult seasons of my life with seemingly infinite external factors which my husband and I are at the mercy of. It sounds dramatic, but holy hell it is and I am very worried about running out of medicine. | ptsd |
Don't feel the need to go into why I'm depressed or whatever by for years and years I've just felt numb and just like... meh, used to it. I would do my best to isolate and/or listen to music to cope now recently, as it has gotten increasingly bad, suicidal thoughts included. But it's not enough anymore, and I just can't take it. As someone who was raised in a very "don't complain and suck it up" type household it was hard, but I let myself get the tears flowing.
It seems like such a little thing, but that gesture of letting yourself know that it is OK to feel bad, it's OK to take care of yourself is priceless. I can't describe how liberating it is. | depression |
Posting here since being defensive to criticism is a part of adhd for many of us. In my case, in both my professional life and platonic relationships, I feel being perceived as defensive when trying to explain what actually happened has cost me. (In my professional life I only lost one job but it’s been a huge wake up call). Especially when it’s an assumption out of a cherry picked situation or sentence in a convo, that is unrelated to an issue I’m trying to solve.
Today particularly, I was talking with a friend about an issue I had with someone I had an on and off dating case with this year. After an analysis she made based off of one assumption, from not recalling the full story, she said “it seems you’re doing X instead of Y” and I said “I’m confused where you got that because I’m doing Y and they’re doing X, not the other way around.” **This is a summary of the convo. I can elaborate over DM if anyone needs reference.**. And she said “argue with me all you want. I’m not the one that’s frustrated.”
So my specific question is how to handle situations where I’m trying to convey “my issue/is specifically this, and these are the stuff that specifically went down. This is the issue I need solutions for and will be receptive to” without sounding like I’m accusing them of wrong or taking their feedback the wrong way? | ADHD |
Everything hurts. I can barely function or speak anymore. I thought being diagnosed with PTSD would give me some clarity or peace of mind but instead I’m just angry. | ptsd |
I've been having the worst episodes I've had since I left my abuser in 2016 (I am a domestic violence survivor.) Lately the amount of stress that's been put upon me (grad school program and unexpected medical emergency requiring surgery) has made my symptoms take a turn for the worse. I'm experiencing symptoms that I haven't experienced before; including some delusion-like ones. I have very persecutory delusions about the people in my life and those around me - as if they all think the way my abuser did. It's extremely distressing, scary, and I've been having 5-6 panic attacks per day. When I'm having these episodes I am convinced that people are ultra critical of everything I am doing, how wrong I am for doing them, they are thinking to themselves how much of a piece of shit I am and they are talking about me behind their backs. I then start panicking more because the 12-step fellowship I once belonged to classified these delusions as me being "egotistical", which is something my abuser would say as well.
Not many people understand at all. I feel like I don't deserve anything. | ptsd |
Has anyone on here had to cut ties to their family because it was too toxic and manipulative of an environment. Some recent things have happened where I am considering cutting any and all ties to my family.
I've been gas lit, emotionally manipulated, lied to and straight up abused by them over the past 21 years of my life.
This has been a long time coming but as I've now been an adult and moved from home I'm more free and happy and I don't think twice about them.
Has anyone got experience with this? | aspergers |
I don't know what's happened just recently but me and my dad seem to be at each others throats all the time.
This morning was another argument but I kinda need some help in understanding what I did wrong..
So we have been told we have to work from home again, so I've got up, did what I need to do with my pet, time ran away from me, I start at 9 and I still had my breakfast to sort and make a drink.
I asked for some help because I had 4 minutes until 9am, but he wanted to be awkward saying the kettle needing filling when it didn't etc. Usual jokes which I would have found funny if I wasn't running late.
He then started moaning saying that I've left my dressing gown on the chair and my laptop on the table and with him wanting to do wrapping whilst I'm upstairs he wanted the table cleared. Now I understand and I get this but at this point it's now 9am and I'm supposed to be upstairs on the system.
I said I haven't got time and haven't got round to it yet but I'll grab it when I can. The argument started then, telling me he clears my stuff up all the time and I'm inconsiderate etc. I literally said "I'm running late now and I still haven't logged on yet"
He told me he didn't care and started saying it's my fault (it may have been) so now I'm trying to make my breakfast, make a drink and take stuff off of the table.
I said "I asked for some help and I didn't get any" and then I got "stop back answering are you trying to make me angry"
Now I'm in my room alone wanting to cry. What have I done wrong.. Why did it have to stem into that.. | depression |
I don’t have OCD, as far as I know, but I’m finding that I relate to a lot of things. I really don’t wanna see a psychiatrist “just because” but if I can do something, id like to. | OCD |
Are there any high paying jobs that are not stressful and good for people with anxiety or mental health issues? | depression |
I guess the title pretty much says it all. My inability to control my emotions has cost me the person I love. I’ve never felt normal, but I finally found someone who sees me. Encouraged me to get help and get diagnosed but it just takes so long. The wait times for mental health professionals is usually fucked but because of covid it’s even more fucked, particularly with people booking out ADHD specialists. It makes me so mad, i see so many people diagnosing themselves off tik tok videos. But I’ve always been like this and not known why. I was the naughty tomboy girl at school, best friends with the adhd kid always in trouble and nobody picked it up. I’m 25 now in a job I love and excel at with a partner I love and I still can’t get it together. Ive spent my whole life learning through consequence by failure, lost job after job, friendship after friendship, relationships too. I just want help so desperately I feel like I’m about to lose the plot and my girlfriend if I haven’t already. It’s like now I know I’m unbearable and it’s gotten so much harder to manage. Now I know why I’ve hated myself my whole life :( so much of my childhood has been coming back to me since I figured it out | ADHD |
Ever since that happened my false attraction has been 10x worse. Today didn’t even feel real and I’ve felt this sadness all day. Ok top of that I think some of my real attraction for women is gone. My whole life feels altered and screwed up and idk what’s real anymore. I used to know I was straight for grown women but now I really don’t know and it’s freaking me out because it feels so real | OCD |
Before starting Strattera (maybe spelled wrong), I went to my psychiatrist for help with depression.
When she wanted to add medication for my adhd, she mentioned that because I had a history of alcoholism and drug abuse, she felt more comfortable starting me on a non-stim medication.
If you have a history of getting easily addicted to psych meds, drugs or substance abuse, warn your doctor. This will affect what medication they give you as with ADHD, you will be taking the medication for a long time. You do not want to become addicted and build a tolerance.
The meds are supposed to help your day-to-day but taking a stimulant medication without proper warning, could push you into your old lifestyle.
Be careful and focus on small wins rather than instantaneous relief. Don't make the same mistakes as I once did. Medication and drugs are not a cure, they're a helping hand. I was young and believed that if the medication didn't rid me of all my problems, it wasn't working. A higher dose is not always the answer.
Be safe and before starting a treatment, be completely honest to the doctor prescribing it to you. | ADHD |
I give up and I'm seriously considering suicide I'm never gonna get better... | OCD |
So my history is simple yet it horrible, I’m addicted to meth, I have suffered from horrible psychosis and that psychosis traumatized me in horrible ways, last week I hallucinated one of the most horrible things in my life thanks to meth, I don’t wanna talk about it but I got even more traumatized, I’m on the point we’re I feel dull, I feel horrible, I feel depressed, anxious, paranoid without meth, I fear being alone, I just don’t live I survive, it’s been a very hard time living since this happened. The worst is that the desire for meth hasn’t disappeared but I’m sober since then. Any advice, I’ve suffered from trauma in the past but this trauma in specific has been the most intense of this kind, has took all of my desire to live and exist. I live in constant fear. | ptsd |
Is there such a thing as being *too* productive? Lately, I do not want to leave work at the end of the day. I am now arriving a whole hour earlier than I am supposed to because I just want to get things done. But only at work. I want to just stay at work all night. I don’t, but I would! People tell me I’m avoiding home responsibilities. I don’t think it’s that. I just love my job so much.
Is my dose too high? Is this just a weird phase? I’m starting to feel crazy for feeling this way. :/ | ADHD |
Have any of you guys ever felt used by others as a joke? This occurred to me many times as I am now 20 years old. | aspergers |
I'm 18 not think about having kids till far in the future and was just wondering. | aspergers |
Don’t really know how to explain this one beyond the title. My kitchen light in my recently new apartment is this rly off putting yellow. it’s not really warm it’s just kinda harsh and sickly? sorry, I know that’s not really any objective description and idk if it matters but. Whenever i’m in the kitchen for a long amount of time at night with that light on it makes me completely numb out, i’m just gone and feel really separated from my body and empty, and was wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and had solutions? I have no clear idea why this might be a trigger but 🤷🏼♀️ thanks y’all | ptsd |
I am fina happy , i cured myself or something . I learned a lot of things abt myself and life . I wish i could tell u guys how i did this but i dont know either lol | depression |
I've heard that some persons with Aspergers eat the same foods constantly. I've also heard they wear the same thing constantly (that could mean having multiple pieces of the same article of clothing). I'd to understand this from an Aspie's perspective. Please help me understand your thought process around wanting to eat or wear the same thing, or any other repetitivity you may experience. Thank you! | aspergers |
So once I see anything kinda gun related I will just freeze and my Hart rate goes up as I get flash backs of me shooting myself with a BB gun and having to be awake during my surgery. | ptsd |
i'm 19NB and i have really bad intrusive thoughts to the point that they make me jump and get anxious out of nowhere. I've been that way since childhood but never knew how to tell anyone. I don't like describing my intrusive thoughts cuz they are often violent, sexual, immoral, and overall disturbing to the point where I have had nightmares about them. By the way I have not been diagnosed with OCD, but suspect that I might have it. Right now my brain is letting me that if I don't take my hair out of it's ponytail I'll d\*e and it's super annoying. How do I make them stop? | OCD |
Is anyone else finally facing their trauma after years of addiction or negative coping skills? Sometimes I feel like I’m alone with this; I have friends who have had trauma but it’s harder to relate to them now because I’m in a phase where I’m not actively trying to shut it out anymore. Has anyone dealt with this as well? | ptsd |
My thoughts get so loud at times it paralyzes me from doing anything else except ruminate, try to find answers, google why i’m feeling a certain way, literally hyperfixating on HIM or almost getting agitated with myself when I can’t find that certainty or reassurance. I am aware of this weird shadow aspect of myself that fears losing control or even connected to codependency…
This is something i’ve been trying to control with meditation and journaling and therapy but if anyone has some other tips or advice they’ve found helpful pls lmk!
Thank you. | OCD |
Sometimes my depression and anxiety leave me thoughtless. There is no irrational thinking, no catastrophizing or self blame. Depression and anxiety are largely physical experiences for me: the heaviness in my chest, the urge to cry, exhaustion and fatigue, anxiety attacks, etc. What is there to correct here, exactly? It’s an intangible feeling. There’s nothing behind it to pick apart.
Additionally, when I do experience negative thoughts… I am already a really logical and analytical person, is the thing, so there isn’t anything a therapist has said to me that I haven’t already tried myself. In therapy I find myself already knowing what they’re going to say, no matter the therapist. I’ve been studying psychology my entire life and I know how CBT works. I’ve done it on myself for years, I know my bad thoughts are irrational. I know the coping skills, and I use them, and I guess they help minutely, but I’m still miserable… How is it supposed to help me beyond that? Deconstructing my thought processes has never made me feel any better, it just feels invalidating. CBT just feels like I’m being gaslit and blamed for all my own problems.
Does anybody else feel disillusioned with therapy because of this? I’ve read DBT is good for learning emotional regulation which is one of my biggest struggles, so I might look into that. I guess I’m just tired of therapies where they try to “fix” you with logic. I’m already logical, and I can’t be fixed, and going to therapy just for them to tell me it’s all in my head and that I can “out-think” my depression feels like such a waste of money. | depression |
1. when i was 10-11 i was obsessed about my hair being clean. i needed to wash it everyday or else i felt disgusting. (one time i tried showering without washing it, and when i got out of the shower i just went back in and washed my hair because i couldn’t do anything thinking that my hair is not clean).
2. i don’t know if this could be a sign, but i used to have a phase in my childhood where i was obsessed about my teeth. i remember being genuinely scared and convinced that my front teeth are going to fall when they were just fine. i needed to ask my mom if they are ok to get reassurance.
3. i don’t know if this also could be a sign, since there is no compulsion being done here, but i remember having intrusive thoughts about a religion theme. i remember my brain saying bad things about god and i felt so scared and ashamed since it wasn’t representing my true feelings towards god. i don’t know if that is a compulsion but if it is than i used to feel anxious about it (which could be a mental compulsion) because if i feel anxious then it doesn’t represent how i feel.
4. i used to and sometimes still feel like i do tend to suffer from something which i think is moral scrupulosity ocd. i used to be obsessed whether i did something bad and i was just obsessed whether i’m a good or a bad person. whenever people reassured me that i’m perceived as a nice person i would get relieved.
5. now at the moment i’m having intrusive sexual thoughts. sometimes they are violent (thoughts like “what if i caused sexual assault to someone not on purpose” or “what if one day i’ll lose control and do it”) but they are mostly on my sexual orientation. this has been the worst one. every person that i encounter with my brain starts to spiral with thoughts like “are you attracted to them”, “do you want to be with them”. the thoughts are there even towards my own family members and i can’t feel comfortable towards them anymore.
6. just general organization and perfectionism about a lot of things. i find myself having a hard time to start doing my school work, because i need to organize everything so that everything feels right or else i wouldn’t be able to start and would have a feeling of discomfort and anxiety, therefore i procrastinate.
7. re-reading and checking messages that i sent to make sure that i didn’t sound rude.
8. obsessed about my hand writing. if i’m writing notes in my notebook and i messed up a letter i find it so so difficult to move on and keep writing, i just have to delete it and write it again until it feels right. because if i don’t i can feel so anxious and devastated to the point where i cry. | OCD |
Not getting into details aside from the fact that my PTSD is CSA-related. I never told my parents (that I remember, it happened when I was 5-6 and my parents have always treated me like a dramatic liar so maybe I did tell them and forgot)
Last year (I was 25 or 26) my mother told me that when I was a child I used to be happy and curious and full of life, and that it suddenly changed "for no reason". I have no memories of ever having been anything other than a sad, sometimes angry child. She can be quite abusive emotionally so I'm not really sure what she wanted me to take away from that, it felt a little accusatory like she believes 5 year-old-me decided to become bitter just to flex on her.
It reminded me of when I was 13 and I went to a doctor for my insomnia. After talking with her and testing a few things she wanted to talk to my parents so they came with me to the next appointment. he told them that there seemed to be no physical problem but from our conversation she could tell that I probably needed therapy. My father basically told her that I was a dramatic idiot who made things up for attention and we left.
Now the trauma is resurfacing, new memories are coming and I can barely function. Not to mention the added trauma of having grown up without effective coping mechanisms and the abusive relationship I got into and stayed into because I didn't know I was a human being who deserved to be treated as such. I'm so angry and I can't stop thinking about where I would be now if they had allowed me to get help 14 years ago, or better yet 22 years ago when they noticed something had drastically changed.
I don't know what I want by posting this, feels good to get it off my chest among people who can understand. | ptsd |
1:34 am and I’m laying in bed thinking to myself that I fucken suck. My old friends are doing big things and to say the least I’m a bum this depression was the beginning of the end for me, wish I could just end this shit of a life. | depression |
There is an assistance program for uninsured and underinsured patients who need access to the medication?
It's ran by Takeda. It's called Help at Hand. Get your psychiatrist to fill out their part of it and send it over. Once you're approved, they send you either a card in the mail or a digital code thing to give the pharmacist.
My insurance doesn't cover non generic medications.
I get my Vyvanse for free.
https://www.takeda.com/en-us/corporate-responsibility/patient-assistance/
I've been seeing a lot of posts and/or complaints about this. I figured a main post would be an easier way to catch all.
Idk if mods want to add this to a resource list or something but seriously, apply for this program.
**NOTE**: I am in the US. I have no clue if this program works outside of the US or how to find out. But if you are US based, I hope this helps.
ETA: this isn't only for job or income loss. I work full time hours at $18 an hour but I still qualify. It's for uninsured, underinsured, or those in need of financial assistance in general. If you are at or under five times the [federal poverty level](https://aspe.hhs.gov/topics/poverty-economic-mobility/poverty-guidelines/prior-hhs-poverty-guidelines-federal-register-references/2021-poverty-guidelines), you should qualify.
Extra edit: THANK YOU MODS! Made my night. 🥰 | ADHD |
Ive been shown how unimportant I am. Unfortunately this was a bad one. To those of you who did care if any thank yiu2 for the attempt. Ive giving everything i coukd amd it was mever enough. I cant go on anyblonger knowing how much better even a random stranger is than I am. Ive giving up on this life leaving 3 kids behind. Tell them um sorry i wasnt strong enough. Teoo them hos much i miss playing. Tell them I just wanted to hild on a little tighter before letting go for thr final time. Im so sorry. I love you.. Good bye.. | depression |
All I have is internet links. I lost my therapist, meds & facilities. Pray for me... | OCD |
I’m currently studying for a bachelor in management (sorry if my English isn’t perfect, I’m Dutch😊). My employer is paying for everything. So I am really lucky.
For one of the modules I had to write a paper about a certain subject. I knew the deadline was last saturday at 24.00 h. So, because I haven’t been doing any work on the paper, last thursday I started to become a little nervous. Saturday morning I decided to postpone so I would have more time. Once I filled in the form, I noticed that postponing would cost me (or in fact, my employer) €125,-!!! That scared me so much. I deleted the form immediately.
And then my hyperfocus kicked in!!! I started working in the paper at 12.00 and finished it - after working non stop - at 22.23 !!! So I finished it before the deadline!!
I love hyperfocus!!!🥳🥳🥳 (although procrastination sucks…😒) | ADHD |
Never been officially diagnosed, but apart from wanting to keep the house clean and clutter free, I cannot procrastinate. When we moved houses I literally stayed up till 6 in the morning until I fully cleaned the house and unpacked. I only went to sleep after putting some fresh flowers in the vase. Even if I'm sick if there is a chore to do I have to do it or I will keep thinking about it. Like last night I woke up around 2am and then couldn't go back to sleep because I was thinking about the chores I have to do. By chores I meant have a big party on the weekend and I'm making the food and we are painting the alfresco. Today I'm feeling pretty sick and I just can't stop and take a break because I have to finish the painting. What's the matter with me. Im the type of person who can only rest when there is no pending chores. | OCD |
I'm 29 male,really trying to work on my fitness become healthier for my mental and physical health.
Ive been at it for a few weeks now..
But sometimes and there's never anyway to tell even just 10 minutes of some pretty basic stuff and I'm smoked or 30 minutes of also basic stuff and for three days simetimes a week I won't even be sore...
but where I'm suffering is mentally I am decimated shakey,fending off a constant state of panic, memory is temporarily destroyed, and I can't focus and go through bouts of derealazation.
Anyone else go through this or have any tips? | ptsd |
I am 23 right now and maybe from 6 years i have some strange behavior
Some are like
1. I need to gain weight and for that i need dedication and isolation then i cut off everything for 5-6 days then i feel good and after few days again those thoughts come ( feeling frok 6 years
2. When i talk to a girl my mind goes like u need to isolate first and work on yourself.. You are not good enough type things bt i have done nothing in 6 years except few day isolation every months
3. Whenever i make a plan and i need a cigarette afterwards amd while smoking i have same thoights every days... Sometimes i keep imagining situation and talk with myself
4 i choose sake roads and timetablr everydays... Like i need to go if its 10 clock to smoke lol
I feel so sad when i realise that i have to give up almost everything and people are happy and i suffer without doing anything bad... Its so depressing 🥺🥺
Plus i have anxitey for sure... My heart beats goes up randomly like i sitting and suddenly i feel panic for few minutes
Guys just give me some advice... I fooking want to feel like normal human being | OCD |
Anyone else have to use a rediculous amount of steps to keep their mind working in some kind of order? Any tips on how to not fall off a healthy hyperfixate? Its been 7 years of education and 4 years of procrastination, it is time i actually do this!!!!! I am determinded, this is my lifes dream but its terrifying and confusing, and i dont trust myself to keep going. But i must. Please, successfull business owners, how to you keep yourselves on track? | ADHD |
I can't do anything without thinking somethings bads happened or I did it with evil intent. I can't even pack parcel without thinking something valuable if kind got mixed in with the packing or thinking touching the item something contaminating it passing it onto the buyer. I even couldn't use. Perticular box to send it in because I had. Bad feeling Bout it. WTF. | OCD |
TW: abuse
Hello! I’m a wife to someone currently seeking diagnosis for C-PTSD. Since the beginning of our relationship he heavily showed sign of it and deflected getting any type of help. His excuses were endless but at the end of the day the reason he didn’t want to seek help was because it was from physical abused caused by a 5 ft tall 110lb women on top of abuse both sexually and physically as a child. He felt like PTSD is something people get from doing much more noble acts like police emt and soldiers. After about 4 years of convincing he’s officially on the road to diagnosis and joined a domestic abuse group.
I try to be nothing but supportive of him because I understand that it’s weighing heavily on him. But I can’t help but be fearful of the possibilities in the future. Whether it’s physical abuse (happened before) or suicide!
How can I as his wife help him more without projecting my fears? And how can I help validate that abuse is an extremely valid reason for ptsd? It unfortunately is what’s holding him back the most | ptsd |
Lately my intrusive thoughts have been getting really strong and some days I actually believe I'm the person in my intrusive thoughts. But I've started doing this and it's kind of been helping. I'll tell myself "Ok, if you really do want to do it, then do it. Right now." and I never actually do it and the thoughts go away for a little bit. Is this healthy? It feels different from my other compulsions because it actually snaps me back to reality. | OCD |
TW: Mention of Indecent exposure and CA and mental illness. 21F. Recently started medication for OCD. I was dealing with a very tough time last few months. I just remembered something that had happened which is freaking me out. I once was changing my clothes in my room and I was very angry at my OCD or something. I was having some bad thoughts and I was in a bad mood. My lights were on and I was completely naked. I went to the window and changed there instead of drawing the curtains. And I know that my 17yo neighbor guy has his room right there but for a moment I thought "let him see me naked. Atleast I'll worry about that instead of this". Or something like that. And now I'm worried about it. Considering her is a minor, does this make me a child abuser or something? I dont know if he saw me or anything, I didnt even have any sexual intent, but still. It wasnt a big deal. It happened many months ago but I suddenly remembered it and I'm freaking out. | OCD |
My sister ordered some flowers to arrive at my house today as a surprise... and it threw me off completely. I'm currently sat on my own trying to bring myself down from a near meltdown. Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gesture. But I had a clear boundary set at the beginning of the weekend. I told my sister and family that I would be on DND (Do Not Disturb) mode this weekend to recover from a stressful week - I'm currently managing long-term burnout. The message was received and understood... but I guess I didn't put in a clause to say "also includes surprise deliveries" haha.
I think it wouldn't have been quite so meltdown-inducing had I not clearly set boundaries. It upset me that it was taken lightly. I feel guilty though as it could have been a completely kind gesture and here I am, upset about it.
However, it's worth noting for a bit of context that my sister has completely dismissed my ASD journey and has outright told me, even with a diagnosis, she won't believe it. She went as far to say that she refuses to discuss it with me. I've written a whole reddit post about that though. She also opened a very obviously private letter addressed to me which was from the psychologist, arranging my assessment. I asked her to give it to me last week but she conveniently forgot. Would have much preferred the letter to the flowers, to be honest!
Regardless of all that, this isn't the first time I've struggled with well-meaning surprises or gestures. Even a simple compliment can put me on edge. I hate special occasions because I feel like this discomfort is put under a spotlight and the only solution is to mask (at least in front of my sister anyway). I feel like this is an autistic trait purely because it tallies up with the struggle with following social norms and a need for routine/plans. I could be wrong though.
Anyhow, feeling like an ungrateful person but feel like I can't help it either. What a pickle. | aspergers |
hello fellow redditors, I'm going to try and type out the story of how I lost my mother and what I went through so here it goes:
A bit of backstory I am one of 3 sons myself being the youngest(currently 32) my older brothers are 6 and 12 years older than me, my middle brother ( I'll call him Dave, not his real name) having severe learning difficulties and autism. my father left us when I was 6 months old so my mum brought us all up pretty much single handed, things were tough but we got by. Fast forward to 2017 and my mother, Dave and I lived together my mum being full time carer for Dave and myself working full time.
It was December 29th and we decided to go into town for some shopping and lunch etc just to spend time together, I had work that night so we didn't spend too long out but we had fun. I left for work at 6:30pm as I started at 7pm that night I forgot my key so had to knock on the door to get my key, mum answered and was said what's up? I said I forgot my key lol and she called me A wally jokingly (British slang for silly) and I then left for work. That turned out to be the last time I would see my mother alive....
I get to work and get on with my shift, at about 10:30pm I get a call at my workplace from one of my neighbours telling me I need to get home asap, I asked why what has happened? but she would not say and told me again I need to get home. so after finding cover for myself I went home as fast as I could a mmix of panic and confusion setting in. I'm half sprinting home when I see the road closed near my house several police cars and an ambulance outside, I find one of the officers and ask whats happened??? half crying with anxiety she wouldn't say, I found another officer and asked whats going on thats my home??? He proceeded to tell me that it appears that my mother has died, what happened next is a bit of a blur( my mind went blank as I just collapsed in the road shocked) but I remember being helped to my neighbours house, I kept asking where my brother was because he has special needs, they just said he was fine and to not worry about him. After some time I was taken to the station to have a statement taken (they wouldn't say what Exactly happened until the following day)
At about 7am I got a call from the police again to meet up somewhere to go into details, they told me that Mum was murdered and it was very likely Dave who did it, a mix of utter despair washed over me and I don't really remember the conversation, but they told me that he was found walking towards the next town dragging bags along the floor by someone driving along the road, and called the police because something wasn't right. (I later found out it was mostly because he was covered in blood) that sae day I had to go and get our 2 dogs from their animal shelter as at the time I had nowhere to go, but I work in A hotel as night manager so my boss allowed me to stay there for as long as I needed along with my 2 dogs. I was unable to return to my home until the investigation was finished which took 5 days( I didn't go back for 3 weeks) I was All over the place emotionally, I lost my mother and by proxy my brother in one night, and I didn't understand why. I got sent to the therapist by my GP and they put me on anti depressants to try and help me( I had suicidal thoughts alongside me wanting to go after my brother) after some weeks I was told I couldn't bury her because they wanted to get a pathologist to do a report and also the defence team wanted to do the same independently) We were finally allowed to bury her 5 and a Half months after she had died and a few weeks later we were given the results. We were told she had injures indicating she tried to defend herself( bruised and broken fingers) she had been alive for some minutes after the beating which was so brutal that she had her skull badly fractured and she had scratches on her legs likely from our dogs trying to rouse her. At this news I just cried for hours after they had left, I though that maybe he tried to stop and ran away but no, he beat her to death. My own brother ,her own son. I still don't fully know why he did it but there is no excuse that he could come up with that would make me feel any better so I stayed away( he refused visits anyway) he wasn't unable to stand trial due to his condition but was tried in a different way( a trial of facts was held to decide if he did it or not) was found guilty and is basically locked away for life in a psych ward. I skipped a lot of stuff but now I'm doing okay, I still get random flashes of that night and I don't think I will get over it, I Keep seeing him hitting her over and over(it happens less frequently now) It changed me as a person, I struggle to trust people now but I hope in time I can heal that aspect of myself. I have lived alone since it all happened so loneliness obviously set in, but I did speak to my online buddies a lot and to be honest if it wasn't for them I probably would have given up a long while ago.
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I apologise for the bad formatting and I hope you guys are doing well in these trying times. Feel free to ask me anything if you would like me to clarify anything! | ptsd |
My son is a HS senior. While he isn't officially diagnosed with autism, he has a lot of symptoms. We've had issues with a few teachers though the years because my son passes for neurotypical, until he doesn't. I will privately meet with the teachers and fill them in on the above information and give them some things that work for him, or insight into why he does what he does.
He has had a specific teacher who likes to market herself as a 'safe space' and 'social justice warrior'. All of these things are great and needed and I really thought my son would be ok in her class. Over the last several semesters, this teacher has really gone overboard and has managed to pit students against each other in the classroom. For example, my son and some friends were talking about Japanese animae and the teacher decided to get her favorites together to gang up on them and accuse them of being racist. Which these students did. Next, she likes to get in hotly debated arguments with students about controversial issues such as abortion. My son, was asked by the teacher what his opinion was on abortion, and he started to say something and she cut him off and said 'you don't get an opinion, male.' And high fived the female students. Another time, the teacher wanted to talk about her practices as a white witch, some students mentioned it made them uncomfortable and she then compares it to animae. My son says 'Animae is fantasy and so is being a witch' and the next thing I know, the teacher has emailed me saying she does not want my son back in class. I pulled him out of the class and spoke to the school counselor that they might want to keep an eye on this situation. My son has mentioned the class is very out of control and they rarely do the subject matter the class is about. My son told me that she has called him names in class and publicly denied he has autism because 'your mom would have told me'. Well...I did tell her, many times....my son is a very black and white thinking and can't make heads or tales about what has happened here. I don't know what else I need to do... thanks for listening as this has been weighing on me as a parent. | aspergers |
Every 15 seconds my brain says “God hates you.” All day today. I can’t get my work done. The more I try to just allow it, the louder it screams for attention. So maddening. Thanks for listening ❤️ | OCD |
just realized how am i supposed to fulfill my dream of learning and becoming fluent in several languages when i have auditory processing issues and can barely understand english a lot of the time :(((( is there any fix for this i feel like my processing issues are becoming worse and worse any support and advice appreciated thank you | ADHD |
The things I have contributed and countless others have improved countless people’s mental day to day tremendously. Although, When reality checking myself, I always come to the same conclusion of how solo I actually ride. I’m okay with it, the drive just gets lonely without a passenger….
Just wanted to put a fresh post about the topic out there. | ADHD |
I'm a 22 year old guy and I feel a serious loneliness. I suffered from a serious OCD for almost 5 years. This year my symptom severity decreased, but I "discovered" that I'm very sad because I don't have any friends or social ineraction. I got betrayed, cut off and left alone for a while and I haven't managed to make friends in uni during 2.5 years because I was acting very weird and shut myself in because of my mental health. I dropped out of Uni. I do programming at home and I'm working very hard to get better at it. Many things are closed because of the pandemic so I can't meet new people. There is one thing though, I love this world and people so much... I want to spread positivity and kindness around the world. I have many flaws but I want at least to make the other people happy, which I can't because I am all by myself... All I can do is to say this: People, keep fighting to make your lives better, don't let OCD enslave you! I sincerely want you to get better. The success stories people share here makes my day a bit better. I want to make a lot of money to donate to various charities and to OCD research for all of you! I love you people... (Ok that last one sounds a bit weird but you get the point 😂) | OCD |
I'm not sure what exactly set it off, but I was in a constant state of stress yesterday. Either because of or as a result of staying up later than usual, my mind began to wander and focus on topics such as death, my financial and living situation, and past mistakes/regrets. This isn't something I normally do, but think it might have something to do with this whole pandemic, as well as seasonal changes. I didn't have my first "official" panic attack or suicidal thoughts until a few years ago, after a breakdown over orientation and gender, and things haven't been quite the same since.
I should mention my mother. I'm a "mama's boy". We've always been close, have similar personalities, and I'm the first born (natural birth, if that matters, since my brothers weren't). Whether she consciously knew it or not, she raised me to be VERY dependent on her. I've never lived away from home, due to never being encouraged or taught to do so, as well as being told I wouldn't, couldn't or shouldn't the few times I tried. It didn't take much convincing, as almost anything I wanted was provided. It was a comfortable life. The thought that it might be a potentially unhealthy relationship didn't even cross my mind until WAY later.
Anyway, back to the subject of death. I was ruminating over the death of my grandfather (her father), who I was also extremely close with, and helped raise me, acting as a sort of surrogate father, as well as past friendships. The possibility of HER own death, until recent years ago, never even crossed my mind. She was always there. Spoiling me, protecting me. I see her getting older, not as active as she used to be, which forced me to confront the issue. Honestly? I'm not sure what I'll do when she does. While scrolling and deleting old emails yesterday, I came across old accounts that were shared under her name, and completely lost it. At the time, I wasn't sure how much of that was due to nostalgia and memories of a simpler, happier time.
When I was bullied at school, she was there fighting on my behalf. Whatever I wanted at the store was mine without question. My love of libraries and reading, first exposure to martial arts, music, religion, were because of her. Free rides everywhere. She was the ONLY person who cared about me (or so I was lead to believe). This is both a blessing and a curse, as I feel my development has been stifled and challenges others have had to go through I was spared and will have to face on my own in the future. Romantic relationships, for example. A lot of people told me I was "lucky" growing up to have someone who cared so much for me. I agree, and that's what makes this more difficult.
The one thing that's kept me going is the idea that we WILL see each other again one day. Call it naive, foolish, etc. Religion, me and her have a special place. I haven't been to church since forever, and feel further from God than ever before, but that doesn't matter.
Just small things, like her asking if I was cold and needed/wanted a blanket, recently, are enough to make me emotional. I took time off higher education some years ago due to mental health issues, and she asked this week why don't I go back? Again, believing in me, even after I lost motivation or faith in myself
So, yeah: I guess this ended up being more about a parent, but it seems to play a pretty significant part in all this. After all, she was the one who got me help, manages appointments, picks up my medication, pays, etc.
A part of me wishes some things would never end, but at the same time, know they must and should. I am such a mess and hope someone out there understands | depression |
Back in 2014 I became eligible to vote in a presidential election for the first time. In Romania they take place every 5 years and the latest one was in 2019.
There were 2 main candidates in 2014, I'll call them by their initials: VP and KI.
Here's where it gets interesting: my classmates (we were in 12th grade) constantly rooted for KI and kept mentioning they were going to vote for him. They absolutely hated VP with every fiber of their being. They put political stuff all over Facebook and it was annoying.
The election ended and KI won. My classmates were absolutely ecstatic. One of them asked who I had voted for. I answered KI, knowing full well that's what she wanted to hear.
Then she said "Well that makes you less autistic". I was speechless and walked away in utter disgust. My classmates knew I was autistic and gave me shit for it, but this crossed the line. It was long ago but still makes me mad.
Trivia: I did in fact vote for KI in 2014 and 2019; he won again and is currently serving his second term. However I care little about such things and never really rooted for anyone.
**TLDR:** stupid bitch said that voting for a certain politician made me less autistic. | aspergers |
Do you only have 1 theme or multiple at the same time? Does your theme change over time? If so, how long does a theme lasts in your case? I’m curious | OCD |
I sometimes have a compulsion to nod my head or tighten my facial muscles. Is this OCD, anxiety or something else?
I doubt it's tourettes syndrome because my compulsions aren't complex or anything like that.
Thank you | OCD |
I'm thinking about asking for a month off work in the new year so I can take a break and focus on my mental health. I struggle with chronic depression and anxiety and between graduating during the pandemic and landing a good but incredibly busy job right after, I've become (or rather stayed) stuck in survival mode without a moment to breathe and I'm really starting to feel the toll of it.
Would taking a month off be enough of a break to actually feel some real benefit? Or would it be too short? I feel like I have a lot of personal struggles I haven't been able to really address or process and I just want some time to actually work through them (as well as get a break). I know longer would probably be better (?) but I feel pretty hopeful that I could ask for this time off without losing my job but I would be scared to ask for anything more and risk losing my position.
Also any tips on how to approach asking work about this? How honest should I be?
Much appreciated. | depression |
For quite a while now I've been trying to work just enough to fund my business ideas. However every step of the way I'm constantly fighting myself with different ideas or simply just getting distracted.
For instance, I was on a pretty steady roll and somebody said something to me on Facebook that was kind of condescending and bugged the hell out of me(the comment was just unnecessary, also completely unrelated to entrepreneurial stuff). It's been on my mind almost constantly since then(atleast a week ago). My short term memory is not the greatest, sometimes I feel like my brain just isn't functioning the right way, or that it just hasn't developed fully? I don't know.
I try all sorts of different ways to maintain my focus but it's near impossible.
Oh, BTW, I'm pretty hard headed against going to the doctor for medicine to try and control this crap, however I am open to suggestions if anybody has some. I just am not sold on big pharma having our best interests in mind.
Anyways I hope I got out what I am trying to say here. If not, sorry. Adhd kind of took over in this one but I'm sure some of you will understand what I'm trying to say, thanks! | ADHD |
"Are you okay?"
Always the same question
"I'm fine."
Always the same lie. | depression |
For awhile I have noticed myself feeling a pinching pain in spurts throughout my whole body. It almost feels like a bug is pinching me, but nothing is there. It isn’t like
pins and needles, it is like an actual pinch. and I am just more itchy. I have been more stressed lately due to my OCD, is this normal or something other people deal with??? | OCD |
I've just been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I'm 27. I'm wanting to learn more about it to understand why I am the way I am and maybe find ways to cope a little better. So yeah, wondering if you've got recommendations for a book or even YouTube videos that are factual that can help me understand this diagnosis better? Thanks! | ADHD |
I was watching a [video essay](https://youtu.be/o8_A7n83Rh0&t=1h25m16s) about Doctor Who, and the narrator started talking about a bit of poor dialog. I didn't see an issue with it at first, but he went on to say it's barely a conversation because the one character just asks a couple of questions and the other dumps a bit of exposition because of it.
The thing is, that's how I converse with people. I just ask them questions until they find something to talk about, or if I'm on the recieving end of questions, I give short exposition dumps. And now I'm wondering if that's incorrect, if I've miscalculated how people start conversations in real life, and if any of my past friendships have been affected by it.
I might be inferring too much. The narrator might just be stating that it's bad writing for a show, but in real life he might think that's a normal way to speak. What do you all think? | aspergers |
the empty feeling in my chest just keeps getting worse, it’s like a void threatening to consume and i don’t know if i can deal anymore, i feel like dying but sometimes i feel like disappearing, i just wished someone cared enough to see it | depression |
Hey sorry for some reason reddit tells me that there is no newtomeds post anymore.
So I got my first Dose of medikinet 10mg (methylphenidathydrochlorid) today and I was really afraid but didnt notice a thing. Someone mentioned to that maybe it takes my body time until there are some effects? Like I have to take 10mg for a week then 20mg for a week and then 30mg for a week.
Shouldnt they work immediately?
Did some of you also needed some adjustment of the body before getting anything out of it? Is it just a dosis thing maybe?
I was wondering if there might be the possibility (after talking to my psychiatrist) to use more quicker instead of "wasting" a week or two before getting any benefits out of it.
Thank you all. | ADHD |
I used to think if you do small talk with someone and be kind, you get friends.
​
I've been doing this for years and it just doesn't work like that.
​
I don't even get that anxious socially anymore and I can make good conversation but people don't seem to be interested in me.
​
I think what's missing is emotional connection. Same interests or hobbies. Making someone laugh or telling an interesting story people relate to.
​
The problem is I am emotionally dead inside. I feel like I'm always on different wavelength. Alcohol doesn't help at all and many times my thinking gets stuck. Like I need to come up with something to say and my mind gets completely blank.
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Also I have ADHD and I've felt anhedonic for over 10 years.
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Any thoughts? Am I onto something?
I will find a therapist in the future. | aspergers |
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