body stringlengths 51 39.8k | subreddit stringclasses 5 values |
|---|---|
This has happened twice in this month itself. Once when my father had severe manic episode and I had to take action to get him admitted. And the second time is today when he complained upon mild chest discomfort and I immediately took him to doctor and now he's getting surgery. I am all alone in waiting room writing this post in the waiting room of ICU.
Similar stuff has happened in the past.
Smaller stuff like last minute studying for exam.
I am diagnosed bipolar 2 but not with ADHD. Although I highly suspect I have it as even with my medication of bipolar I am still struggling. And all the struggles are exactly what I see in this sub.
Tl; Dr
I feel like shit as why can't I function normally like this.
I feel frustrated that I can handle crisis and be quite responsible but not the normal day to day grind. Especially at house work and management.
This makes me feel like a fraud like I am not trying enough. | ADHD |
I’m assuming this is because I can slow my thoughts down a bit and try to focus on my point better. I also find that when I type I speak the words in my head which brings me much comfort. When I speak, nobody lets me finish because I go all over the place until I “might” circle back to what I was making the topic about. That frustrates me and I end up glazing over until the conversation is over. | ADHD |
I thought things were getting better, I'm loosing weight, taking my meds, have a decent income, a pet, good grades, even a romantic interest. All these things I thought would make me happy.
It doesn't get better, so when I crash, I crash harder than ever before.
I don't want to constantly feel unhappy despite all the wonderful things I have.
I'm ungrateful and selfish, I have it so good and I want to throw it away because I hate myself and everything that I am, and when I feel like this I have no one to turn to because I promised myself I'd never be a burden to anyone ever again.
I'm breaking, I'm so close to self harm and suicide attempts again because I'm so selfish and lonely.
I just want to be okay... | depression |
At 35 years old I now know for sure that my marriage and life struggles are largely due to being on the spectrum. It's a good feeling to have some closure and be able to move forward in life with this context. I have enjoyed this community for awhile and now I feel able to confidently discuss ASD life as a diagnosed member. | aspergers |
Hi ☺️ I am a 33 year old female who was diagnosed with ADHD in my teenage years but did not start taking medication until my mid to late twenties.
The benefits I experience from my medication (a stimulant) are life changing for me, but I’m starting to notice that my resting heart rate is elevated and given my family history of heart disease I am wanting to explore the idea of non stimulant medication, but I’m at a loss of where to start.
If you take a non stimulant medication to help manage your ADHD symptoms could you share what you take and your thoughts on the medication. | ADHD |
So I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts for a while and I probably have OCD. I don't have access to a therapist, but I want to get better anyway. I'm tired of going through cycles. I have days where I'm doing really well, and then days when I crash and ruminate/do compulsions for literally hours. I just got out of another big setback, and I'm fed up. It's honestly getting annoying and I just need to starve the monster.
I need to take a big step. And I'm feeling really determined. I was thinking about deleting social media, since there's a lot of posts that feed into my triggers. I was also planning on blocking certain websites on my computer that I use for reassurance, including reddit.
But I'm not completely sure. I should be stepping closer to uncertainty instead of running away from it, right? So would deleting things that trigger me be the right thing to do? Or should I face my fears? I'm also not sure if I want to delete reddit since it's always nice to see people who have similar experiences to me, and I fear that if I have a setback I won't know what to do.
So.... what do you guys think? Should I do it? | OCD |
Hi everyone I want to give ERP a go but I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be thinking if that makes sense so if anyone has any tips i’d really appreciate it | OCD |
I feel like I’m going insane in my own head I only have myself to talk with and it’s honestly so exhausting I wish I had someone who gives a fuck about me someone who doesn’t turn out to be something that wants to hurt me I feel so abandoned and unloved unheard of that it makes me sick to my stomach. | depression |
I've seen a few posts on here about this before, but it honestly baffles me how rude some people are, both IRL and online. Constant negativity is something I despise, mainly because I don't think it's too much of a task to act generally kind and thoughtful. Some people need to learn to shut up, or better yet, think before they talk, and take consideration as to how others feel because of their behaviour. It's extremely ignorant, and extremely toxic.
​
(Sorry. I just had to get this off my chest, because I've been dealing with a few negative people recently. Hopefully it's not the same for most of the people on this subreddit.) | aspergers |
So I’ve been doing really well with exposure and not being obsessive about over checking cutlery at home and food and things, just checking once. I just nearly finished my glass of water and saw white flakes in the bottom of the glass and a white mark of something on the bottom. It had been cleaned but now I’m really worried I’ll get poorly.
I know reassurance seeking is not a positive thing to do. However, I’d like to know how worried I should be for future reference as I genuinely have no idea what I’m dealing with.
I’m worried that it’s milk that crusted at the bottom or perhaps limescale? I’m struggling to stay calm which is such a shame because I’ve been doing really well. | OCD |
hey, everyone ! i hope you are all having a good day.
i apologise for the potential mistakes in this post, i'm french and english ain't my mother tongue sooo, yeah.
i was wondering about something, see, yesterday i had a really weird day. i spent the evening with my significant other and it felt like everything i was feeling was made 5 times more intense. i am not talking about anything sex related, i'm just saying that the simple feelings of love and affection became more intense for no reason ? i don't think i've ever felt this way, after the years of depression and numbness induced by my medication it felt like i was reborn or something.
anyway i know what you must be thinking "why on earth are you posting on r/depression if your life is so great??" well. yesterday night, i told myself that i wouldn't be taking any more meds since i feel so great now.
i've been "playing" with my doses of medication over the last week or so and to sum it up i only took 1/3rd of my dose over the last week. just now i felt nauseous and i'm wondering if it's the repercussion of not tapering down my dose enough and stop taking my meds pretty brutally.
should i keep taking a low dose everyday and eventually stopping completely in a few weeks or should i persevere in the "no meds" policy ?
PS : i know i should be telling this to my psychiatrist but last week they told me to keep taking my meds for 3 more months even though i told them that i was doing relatively great and wasn't feeling depressed at all for the last 6 months. i feel like my meds are holding me down, i don't have any libido anymore and it sucks tbh. anyway, i'm kind of a coward and i don't feel like telling my psychiatrist that i've stopped taking their prescription without their avail so i'm asking strangers on the internet if i should keep doing my thing.
thanks for reading, have a great day everone. | depression |
This is my first post to the OCD Reddit community.
Not looking for a specific response. Just thought it might be cathartic to share my experience. I also hope that others will relate, finding some solace in the knowledge that we are all in this together.
Since the age of 12 (I am now 37), I've suffered from OCD. As many here will know, it is a fairly misunderstood disorder.
In my case, it's really about control, anxiety and fear. The disorder manifests as a continuous barrage of unwanted, intrusive thoughts, linked to "bad things" happening to myself, family or friends.
These thoughts should be discarded by the brain as meaningless, but with me, they "feel" very real, and become an obsession...
In a vain attempt to control the anxiety and fear, I feel compelled to complete arbitrary rituals, which have no logical connection to the source of the obsession. For example, moving objects, repeating tasks, etc.
Although I consider myself a very logical person and recognise the compulsions are arbitrary, I find it very difficult to move on, with the "feeling" that failure to complete a specific compulsion could result in the source of the obsession coming true.
These loops have been known to last hours, which as many will know, can be frustrating and demoralising.
I have to say, having kids (two under six) has made things more challenging. In short, I struggle to accept any risk (irrational or not) when the intrusive thoughts are associated with my kids.
Over the years I have managed OCD, with ups and downs. I have spoken to countless therapists, completed ERP and CBT, tried hypnosis, and taken (for a short period) took meditation (aged 20).
In the end, nothing has had a "world-changing" impact, therefore, like many, my journey with OCD has become a story of determination, perseverance, and acceptance.
This year I decided to be more open about these challenges, something that I have previously hidden from even my closest friends/family. Therefore, I consider this post an achievement! I hope to learn more about myself and (if possible) support others.
As mentioned, I am not looking for a specific response. I consider myself exceptionally fortunate in life, with OCD casting a dark shadow that I realise I must simply learn to manage. | OCD |
Hi guys I am actually naturally quite extroverted I think as when I 24m was younger my ocd was all physical symptoms rather than in my head and I was fine socially l
Now I’m older it’s all in my head and hardly physical it’s like when I’m having a conversation with someone and something triggers my OCD I have to ‘think about it’ and go over scenarios, compulsions etc in my head and while I’m doing this obviously I’m not engaged in the conversation with the person.
I can’t seem to stay in the moment I have to be in my head in order to then come back to reality until I need to be in my head again
Anyone else have experience with this? It’s ruined dating and socialising for me and I really want to fix it
Sorry if I haven’t explained my self very well I am terrible at putting stuff in to words | OCD |
Just mentioned this in a reply, but I'm sure that more people will be interested.
[MyDogTag.com](https://www.mydogtag.com) ofter a great, fast service to get personalised Dog Tags and even do them for PTSD.
"**[PTSD Dog Tags](https://www.mydogtag.com/custom-dog-tags/medical/ptsd)**" - "**[Medical Alert DogTags](https://www.mydogtag.com/military/army-medical-warning-tag)**"
They are fast, last for years and can promote personal safety for those prone to dissociation and panic attacks whilst out and about.
Using the larger Red Medical Dog Tag to list instructions helps protect you from those who have some form of First Aid certificate and Ego issues that have them diagnosing you with Pague and encouraging panic and unnecessary interventions.
******
Note: I'm not affiliated with this business, just a customer who has found their product invaluable and sharing with others. | ptsd |
I’m a 21 year old male with ASD. I’ve never been in a relationship and my family has a huge history with divorce. I’m not sure I’ll ever live the so called “normal” life when it comes to marriage and having kids. What do you guys think?
Update: Thank you guys for all the advice, stories, and support. I never get feedback like this on any other thread on Reddit. I don’t know who any of you are, but you all mean so much to me and I’m glad you all exist. I love how all of us with ASD always support each other. | aspergers |
I think while suffering with depression that people don’t like me much, some will pretend they understand but trash talk me behind my back about how negative and boring I am. Fuck humans. Fuck life. | depression |
20mg (half of a 40) chewable.
I (42m) took adderall for about a decade before I slowly took myself off of it about 3 years ago. I have high blood pressure so I’ve been trying to go careful with the stimulants, but found myself upping my coffee intake. I’m also now back to my heaviest weight.
Work, and home life as parent (with a partner)to two girls four and under four. I have been having trouble staying on any task and shit just seemed to be unmanageable on my own.
What now?
Edit: what can I expect to be different or the same as adderrall? | ADHD |
I've spent the past few years working on my CS degree, which had removed the burden of having to make small talk or present anything in front of an audience.
Now that i'm done, I feel like I've been pushed out of my comfort zone, and what's worse is that I have no idea what to do or how to improve.
In high school, I was known as an airhead. I didn't care, as I enjoyed making my friends laugh by saying or doing dumb/silly things.
It could once have been forgiven as a "young person" thing by anyone with more experience - but i'm older, and this air-headed "quirk" hasn't gone away. I'm facing the major problem of being unable to communicate with anyone in a convincing way.
I feel fine talking to other software engineers because it's all technical and I'm used to the style.
Anything else though, and i'm a lost cause. This has impacted my personal and professional relationships.
Any advice or suggestions on what to do would be appreciated. | ADHD |
Let's start by stating that I'm 31 years old. I've fought depression since I was 16 so literally half my life. In all that time, I've never truely felt loved. Don't get me wrong I've loved women in the past, but they never stay. I'm always a fleeting moment or just another dick on the way to wherever they're headed. It's hard. I don't think there's a number high enough to count the times I've contemplated suicide, and lately, it's been a lot harder than usual. I just wanted to say to those out there who give enough of a damn to read this. Cherish the ones by your side. Not all of us are lucky enough to have that support | depression |
Hello I'm from Scotland and I'm looking for places to get therapy online preferably for free because i dont have money . My GP is closed for now and i dont know if I can wait. | OCD |
I feel so disconnected from everyone around me. I feel so alone all the time, even when I’m being social I never feel like I’m being social. I don’t like anyone I know and would rather just be by myself but that makes me lonely. I hate real life and I hate being social.
I just want to disappear forever and never come back. | aspergers |
Especially over the past few years I never revised for exams and just hoped I could remember enough to pass, honestly that tactic worked well in the smaller <1 hour exams and some of the bigger 2 hour exams at the end of the year went kinda well
It's completely different this year tho, I moved to college and I have some big exams coming in about 4 or 5 weeks. I haven't organised my notes or anything. These exams will be focusing on everything new that my class has learned and I'm stressing out.
I never had a good plan to revise and maybe that's why I eventually gave up with it
The exams in college are going to be big, like 2 hours long. I have not had an exam like this in about a year because of covid and had very little practice since the last one. I think either this week or next week I have an hour long exam in one of my classes
Please help... | ADHD |
Female, 18, uk, neuroscience university student.
Currently on week 6 of sertraline, going onto week 7 (50mg). First couple of weeks I had nausea and light headaches, which resolved themselves, but the last week or so I have developed major insomnia.
I take my sertraline at 4pm and attempt to sleep at around 1-2am, however I often cannot fall asleep until 6am-10am, and then have multiple small sleeps in the afternoon/evening. Obviously not ideal when all I want is just to be able to go to my lectures and do my uni work.
I’ll feel tired, yawning etc but when I try to sleep I’m wide awake and just can’t get to sleep.
Took fluoxetine for a year before this but did no affect my sleep
So incredibly frustrating | depression |
I don’t feel anything anymore I don’t get upset I think my empathy is gone and I just miss my old way of thinking and my old feelings I used to care so much !! But now I feel nothing towards situations or people and if I do feel upset it’s like I’m faking it sometimes I can’t even cry and I’m scared I’m a psychopath so I’m confused will I return back to normal | OCD |
I started work at a fast food place recently. For money and to learn how to deal with people better. It's already been about 2 months but every moment feels like I want to have a panic attack. I cry so much because i have to deal with really nasty people, and not the customers. My hands hurt and crack and bleed. And my body hurts. But it's nothing compared to what my boyfriend has to deal with everyday. Hes so strong and cool and I'm worthless. If i was stronger i wouldnt feel pain or cry everytime someone tells me i fucked up and i need to stop. I wish i didnt have the memory of a goldfish and i could remeber all the stupid sandwiches. Why can't I remeber the right things to say?? Why cant I remeber to get the paper work from work and not feel like my job is at risk?? Why cant i not freak out when i mess up? Why do I cry myself to sleep because when I finally not a burden to my boyfriend I still feel like I am. And maybe he should be with someone who would vent to him all the time and take better care of him. I feel so selfish for wanting him to stay. He wants to. He loves me, but I dont want to be a burden anymore. To anyone. I want to be useful. I hate being useless. | ptsd |
I'm on meds that have actually been working pretty well, but I feel like things are starting to get bad again. Is this normal? | depression |
i can be having a pretty ok day and then just completely randomly i want to kill myself and i cant make it go away. its ruining my life. how do i deal with it | depression |
I'm stupid, I'm a burden, I bring people down, I'm boring and uninteresting, I'm unintelligent.
I'm a waste of time and energy, I'm tedious, I'm rude, I'm annoying, I'm unpleasant. Etc etc etc | depression |
I'll get an awful feeling and I'll know what OCD is doing. It's giving me a false feeling that I'm going to reach out and harm someone. | OCD |
Hey everyone, my days are getting worse and worse and even tho I am trying to still manage everything, I am a depressed pos. So if anyone would be so nice to tell me why I should keep going and maybe has some nice words or whatever, I would appreciate the afford. Thx in advance.
Edit: pls dont involve friends or family bc i dont have any thank you | depression |
Hey I am struggeling with the diagnosis my psychotherapist in Germany gave me. He diagnosed Zwangsstörung (ocd) after I told him my life story but now I feel that I manipulated him and all the evidence for that was a farce to get that diagnosis. I honestly cant comprehend what was going on since I was first happy hearing that the intrusive thoughts and images in my head werent some sort of repressed sexual fetish but now I am doubting it and it seems like a lie. Can I trust a diagnosis of a therapist? How valid is it what is the peobabality that I am misdiagnosed for whatever reason? | OCD |
I'm generally okayish if i'm alone in my cabin with all my comfort shit with a clearly defined plan for the day and interacting with people <1 hour per day on average.
I have a class in a few weeks where we are going around the country. We will be camping, in groups, for a week and travelling on a bus.
This is a mandatory class i can't drop. I have no idea what i'm going to do but i need this to not be a disaster, and between ASD and post traumatic issues i have no idea how i'm gonna keep it together. I've not spent more that 6 hours straight around ANYONE in probably five years.
Any tips? I'm at a loss. | aspergers |
Is anyone either a partner or someone with responsibility OCD? My partner has Responsibility OCD so I’m curious about your experiences/hardships/things I can do to be more helpful. | OCD |
Heyo! im a 19 guy and i dropped outta highschool at 15? I want to get my GED but honestly i have a hard time studying. I frequently stare off and i can’t sit down to actually do anything i sometimes re-read a question cause it first looked like a bunch of different letters to me and it’s so frustrating. I got off my meds a while ago and i don’t want to get back on them but i know i need them does anyone have study tips/ things they did to help them through school and remembering topics and things like little tricks and such? | ADHD |
This is on mobile, not sure if that matters or not.
I am currently in the process of getting diagnosed, however I have had off vibes from the way things have been done. I have only spoke to the psychiatrist twice. One was when we very briefly went over my patient intake form, and the second was when we went over my report. Both were over the phone and both he was late to by about 15 minutes. After the initial phone call he emailed me two self reporting assessments, I’m not quite sure what they were called. After that they had me come in for the testing. Reading about peoples experiences I thought it’d take longer but it was only two 15 minute tests? One was a listening to some beeps and pressing the space bar and one was pressing space for every letter that’s not x. Don’t remember the names.
Anyway, after that was when the psychiatrist and I had a phone meeting about my report. To sum up what he said, I don’t have adhd, I could be over reporting my symptoms, and that he can’t diagnose me with anything. He said maybe it could be borderline personality disorder but said he doesn’t know. He then followed it up with that I’d have to do a full neurological work up to know more, but I don’t have adhd.
Well, he sent me a copy of my report to which I am now very confused after reading. The part where you rate your experiences, or the self report part, this is what the report said - “Based on [my] self-report, there is strong evidence for a diagnosis of the Inattentive Presentation ofADHD. The evidence for Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation is more moderate. Nonetheless, the possibility of Combined Presentation of ADHD should be considered”. When it came to the computer tests though I performed well and said that don’t have adhd. I’m one of the sections my name isnt even correct, it’s something close but not my name. He also diagnosed me with Borderline personality disorder.
I’m just confused because doesn’t that mean that based off of what I experience I have it? I just did well on the test? Also isn’t it completely unprofessional to mess up the name of someone’s report? And be late to the two appointments? And diagnose me when he literally said he doesn’t know? I genuinely thought I had it, I so heavily relate to everything in this sub, but I don’t know what to think anymore. Do I look for a second opinion? Does this seem sketchy? Or is this normal. | ADHD |
I am lost. I am a teenager. I had a friend who was awesome, and we had a friendship which lasted 3 years. 2 months ago she confessed to me that she likes me. I accepted, because I used to like her too. 2months later she said she doesn't feel like she is in love with me and hence wants to breakup but still wants to be "friends". I was attending online classes, but our school started physical classes and she went for that. She started talking to her ex. Meanwhile my father was transferred to another city for work for 5 years. Now my family is quite struggling in financial conditions due to rent and all, and we can't rent another house in the city where my school is situated. Since the conditions are better now there, the school is planning to start full time physical classes for all and I wont go and be here alone. On top of that, I was a swimmer, who never was successful in scoring a position in State level and qualify for nationals. My brother went in his first try. When this year I had a chance, my father's transfer happened. I am so utterly depressed that I attempted suicide 5 times - On the railway tracks, infront of car and more. I can't contact for help because - I don't have any phone, second I don't have enough money to go to a therapist. | depression |
The bag is full. Full of things that cause pain and discomfort. Broken glass. Needles. Ants. Spiders. Extreme Heat.
At the bottom lies a ticket. Marked ______. Some will dump the bag and grab the ticket. Some will cut out the bottom and retrieve it effortlessly. Others will stick their hand in and come out swiftly with minimal damage.
For you it will not be so easy. You will dig around. It will be very painful and take a long time. With every second, your head will fill with doubt. Is there even anything in here? Should I give up? Is this even worth it? These are questions that only you can answer. For now you dig. and dig. You may grab it and it slips away. You might lose all hope. But you dig. You will find the ticket and by that time you might look around and realize years have passed. The people who are surrounding you have changed and you have as well. You stand victorious with a mangled arm holding that ticket. Knowing the pain will disappear and the wounds will heal. You smile, because you kept digging.
I’ve never written anything before but wrote this when I woke up. Idk maybe it can help someone out. | depression |
We should understand that our intrusive thoughts are perfectly normal and do not make us a psycho. We are not a 'sick' person for having them. Instead, we have an abnormal reaction to an abnormal stimulus. We should, however, be a bit less sensitive to the triggering stimuli, and accept that they exist, rather than being defeated by them.
[How to Beat Intrusive Thoughts](https://www.livewelltalk.com/2021/04/how-to-beat-intrusive-thoughts.html) | OCD |
It’s like… why do you feel that way about life ? Why are you trying to convince me to be happy and LIKE life? When I know exactly what life is and how it treats you. I just do get it… like I’m depressed myself so when I see others say certain things I don’t try and give them false hope which is what most people that don’t have depression always try to do.. like dear god no… just stop I’ll never love life like how you do 💀💀💀💀💀 | depression |
tldr: basically venting because my best friend has ptsd herself but seems to ignore mine. she frequently tells me to basically “get over it” and tries to pressure me into doing things that severely trigger me and just seems to have little respect for me in general.
so i’ve opened up to my best friend about a lot over the years, and she always seemed pretty understanding of my trauma and everything. but in the past few months it really seems like she’s either forgotten that i went through severe trauma or just thinks it’s not that big a deal and i don’t really have ptsd. i first noticed it when we ran into my abuser and she seemed to warn me at first, but then told me to “stop being such a little bitch” when i started having a panic attack and wanted to leave the store. this just really got to me because i know she has been in almost the exact same situation and i did whatever i could to help her and get her out of there, but when it’s me i need to get over it so she can keep shopping for candy. something like this happened again when she tried to pressure me into going to a concert of someone who’s music severely triggers me and i straight out told her “i can’t do that it would severely trigger my ptsd”, but then she spent 10 minutes afterward trying to convince me to go because it’s her favorite singer and she doesn’t want to go alone. i just feel like she’s being completely selfish and expecting me to compromise my mental health so that she can have fun. i’m at the point where i just want to cut her off but i feel like i can’t do that without expressing my feelings at least once so here we are i guess. idk if i’ll tell her any of this because i’m really not looking to have a fight or talk shit out, at this point it’s pretty obvious to me that she doesn’t really respect me and repeatedly ignores one of my biggest struggles in life. i just can’t have a friend who i’m scared to hang out with because i think they’ll try and force me to stay in triggering situations and i definitely can’t have a friend who tells me to get over it after telling them everything i’ve been through. | ptsd |
I’m not trying to be all cheesy about Thanksgiving. I just happened to stumble on this community while searching the internet for answers to a question about iOS reminders. As I have ADHD, I got off task and went down the rabbit hole (a good one, it turns out 😊) of reading the “stance” statement in the rules about ….(i fear the bot and won’t say the word). The statement was beautiful and right on point. As a person who wasn’t diagnosed until age 50+, I can attest to the immense suffering ADHD has caused for me. Fortunately, beginning in my late 30s, though I had no idea I had ADHD, I discovered a few coping hacks. Being finally diagnosed with ADHD and taking extra steps as a result have help tremendously. Anyway, I am glad to learn of this community and of the “statement”. It’s nice to now be aware about toxic positivity —a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Thanks. | ADHD |
I’ve learned that if I just show interest (or pretend to show interest) in the life or job of new NTs I meet they almost always warm up to me and I can then have a long conversation with usually consists of them talking about themselves while I occasionally ask a new question. None of them see what I’m doing and sometimes I think it’s really funny how oblivious they are to it. But it’s also sad and upsetting because almost no one that I meet and talk to in this way shows any return interest in me or my life and I just sit there wanting to share my opinions and experiences with them without ever getting the chance. It really gets to me how self-centered some people can be and how they are perfectly content to infodump on me without having a clue that I would very much like to do the same with them, or at least have them show and interest in learning more about me. But that’s almost never the case when I meet new people. | aspergers |
i used to be relatively normal, just quiet and slow learning until ~11yo, after that I saw some noticable differences in me (speech, socializing, thought process), i'm now 15 and i keep having ticks, no longer able to mask, speech is getting more incoherent day by day, ive watched my whole personality crumble, sensory issues.
Why? anyone else?
*i was diagnosed very early (~4 - 6yo) and have always been aware of my abnormality | aspergers |
CW: Rant, dark, just need to write this out, to someone else than my therapist.
​
Hi, 25 y.o. on 6th round of therapy /w my 6th therapist, probably gonna be 7th after Christmas. I'm diagnosed /w PDDNOS (suspected Aspbergers), mixed personality disorder (MPD) and PTSD after 10 years of bullying. Currently not working nor in education but living on benefits as I'm deemed temporarily unable to work. I've been deemed to not have ADHD or ADD, but noticeable concentration and memory issues due to a combination of the other diagnoses. I'm also dyslexic so sorry for any spelling errors that will occur.
I feel stuck and have no room to get out or plan for the future, only able to take one day at a time. I dissociate with the person in the mirror, I get easily distracted, I suddenly hyperfocus on something, I'm acutely aware of details, sensitive to sound, the touch of fabric, and such, I can't keep up interest for anything more than a month, I lose track of time, I forget what I'm supposed to do, what I'm doing, get easily stressed, having meltdowns and so on and so on. And on top I feel like a burden, not being able to contribute to society and just being an expense.
I said I'm on temporary benefits, which can last 3\~5 years before one of two things will happen. Either it's determined I will not be able to work at all and I will be on full benefits, or I will be forced out to a job provided to me no matter what it is. But it's so far into the future, and I feel I can't plan for anything, I just want to be at the end of this, knowing the outcome. Will I contribute to society or will I forever be on benefits. I'm so lost and confused, I feel I have nothing to plan forward to, nothing to hold on to. If I just knew if I will end up on benefits or in a job I could at least know what to expect and plan accordingly. Now, I know nothing, and probably won't for years.
But I'm also afraid, afraid of the answer I will get, afraid I will forever be viewed as too handicapped for participating in society, to always be a burden. I'm also afraid of getting forced into a job or life situation that I will not be able to live with, to control. My future is out of my hands and in control of some bureaucrats in an office somewhere, that doesn't know me, nor I them, somewhere in time.
And while I wait, doing the weekly tasks demanded of me, I'm afraid I will reach the last day. The day I have been fighting against for 20 years. The fight that tears me down, again and again, made me hit the wall again and again. I'm stuck, lost, confused and afraid in a long dark tunnel, with no light to see, and I'm afraid I will fall and not rise back up before I even see the light at the end of it, but still lost somewhere within.
I just don't know anymore, don't know what to hold to, what to plan for. I just don't know anything, and it feels all out of my hands. | aspergers |
I'm trying to better myself, I've started a new job two months ago and got back in touch with a few old friends. Trying to find new hobbies etc... I'm not where I'd like to be yet, but it's a start.
Problem is I'm still often quite miserable and now exhausted. Probably better on average than before, but I still find life so hard. And my life is comparatively very easy vs other's lives and probably my future life.
I'm just worried it will always be like this (or even get worse) and I'll spend my whole life trying to 'fit in' and be content with life and the world but not being able to. There are some things that are impossible to overcome after all, maybe my ASD is that for me.
Work has me stressed and I'm still an extremely lonely, anxious, insecure and self-hating person and cant see a way out of that anytime soon.
I know I shouldn't, but today I feel like giving up.
I've learnt that this sinking hopeless feeling does pass, even though it seems like it never will in the moment, but it's still making me depressed and I've got a lot of work to do. Experienced this? Any tips?
Tl,dr: Today I feel like I'll never live a life without constant depression and anxiety. Any suggestions on what I can do to help? | aspergers |
let's say left foot steps on the curb. I have to stop and let right foot step on curb or it feels wrong. And if right foot steps on three crakcs then so does left foot. And if left foot steps on grass twice and concrete once right foot has to as well. You get what I'm saying? And does anyone else do this? | aspergers |
Seriously, I don't get this at all. Whenever I was mocked for anything (my voice, mannerisms, etc.), I was told it was "just bants m8" and was expected to just take it as a joke. Yet when I jokingly roasted the same guy in return, everyone in the group would look at me like I was a supervillain. Makes no sense... | aspergers |
I have had anxiety over accidentally saying slurs for over a year now, and today I remember having reoccuring thoughts of slurs during school and I genuinely can't remember if I said it or not. If I did say it, and anyone heard it, then people will think I am a terrible person and I will get rejected in society or expelled from school and I will never have a future
I can't remember if I did or not, I can't ask anyone obviously, I don't know how to reconcile this with myself :( | OCD |
i just read a article saying that people with a OCD diagnosis are more likely to develop schizophrenia then others later on in life. i’m extremely scared of becoming schizophrenic and it’s been a huge obsession of mine for a long time. hearing this just scared me a lot because lately i have been feeling off and out of my right head and i’m scared i’m becoming schizophrenic. is this article right? | OCD |
I have really bad anxiety...and a lot of times when I'm anxious I make really stupid decisions. Whenever someone tells me to calm down, it only makes me more anxious. What feels like hours is actually minutes. Whenever I'm like this my friends and family don't know what to do. My medications don't seem to work even though I'm taking it on an everyday basis. I get more agitated and I can't exactly explain why. After I have my rage ridden anxiety moment, I'm anxious about ruining everyone's good time. I hate this cycle, it seems to be happening on an everyday basis now...any advice on how to cope? | aspergers |
For instance, a song in B major is much easier on my ears than a song written in C major. In fact, it is a bit difficult for me to listen to songs in C major. I do have Asperger's, so I'm wondering if this is common for other people with Asperger's and why exactly I prefer some keys over others? | aspergers |
This will be a little long so bear with me, but I just feel really fucked over and idk what to think about this :/
So I had this terrible excuse for a psychiatrist for almost a year that acted like my MOM was her patient instead of me. She’s been really shitty to me from the beginning and would never listen to any of my concerns. For context, she is not my first psychiatrist. I’ve been on meds for over two years and needed a new psychiatrist after coming back from residential and she was the only one available.
At my consultation with her she talked to my mom for an hour and talked to me for five minutes. Every appointment after that was the same, shed listen to my mom on everything and never listen to any of my concerns and had the audacity to constantly tell my mom how to “parent” me. She’s booked other patients over me and forgotten my appointments multiple times too. She never listened to my concerns and I always felt like she didn’t believe me.
Lately I’ve been getting more depressed again after a bad breakup. So she was talking to my mom yesterday for 90% of my appointment time as usual and she starts telling my mom how I’m lying to her, my suicide attempt was just to manipulate her, how I’m just seeking attention and using depression as an excuse to do badly in school and not get out of bed, how she thinks everything I tell her is bullshit and my mom should stop listening to me, and that I don’t actually need meds and she doesn’t think I have depression, how I need more chores and shouldn’t be allowed to go out with my friends… when I first started seeing her I felt really uncomfortable talking to her because of the way she would take my moms word over mine and eventually I got over myself and actually started telling her my concerns. She took me starting to warm up to her as me not actually having depression and took me not talking to her at first as me FAKING depression… there’s just no winning there?? No matter what I did she still believed I was attention seeking, not talking to her is faking depression and actually talking to her means I’m perfectly fine I guess?
Like I said she is NOT my first psychiatrist , I’ve been diagnosed for years, been to php, iop, residential, have a 504, have self harm issues and attempts in the past) and when my mom told her Ive been more depressed after my really nasty breakup last week she says “no teenager should be that sad over a breakup, I’d be more concerned over what she was doing with her boyfriend” and at this point I was like what the fuck… since I realized she’d actually been lying to me the entire time and she wouldn’t listen to my concerns about my meds because she never believed I had depression in the first place?
When my mom brings the laptop upstairs for me to talk to her for the last 30 seconds of my appointment I just say “how can you help me if you never believe anything I say and you take my moms word over mine?” She gets mad and tells me to give it back to my mom. Then she starts yelling at me and says “this is a total breach of confidentiality and it’s unacceptable, I refuse to treat you anymore” and then I said “how can you even treat me if you don’t listen to your own patient and act like my MOM is your patient instead of me” and she’s like “yeah you’re so right! I can’t be your doctor if I never believe anything you say😊” then she hangs up. Now I have no psychiatrist and my mom won’t speak to me. I don’t even know what to think anymore | depression |
Does anybody have experience with the aggressive treatment programs? I think commonly called IOP, intensive outpatient programs? Can you share your experience?
I'm at wits end, having suicidal thoughts almost daily, and my family life is completely falling apart. I know what I'm supposed to do with my ERP but I'm so far depressed and anxious that I have no strength anymore.
I'm wondering if maybe something like this would be good for me.
​
TIA for any feedback. | OCD |
i can’t with this horrible disease it’s tearing my relationship apart, i feel like a fucking liar and a cheater because i watched porn in the talking stage before i was in a committed relationship but i eventually stopped and i fucking try to convince myself and fight the thoughts that it wasn’t cheating and they come back stronger i don’t deserve my girlfriend i feel worthless i don’t feel like i deserve her love. i just want to disappear i feel like i’m hiding something to her whenever i talk to her i just want this to fucking stop | OCD |
I need to make a choice. I’ve been struggling hardcore for the last year. Barely holding on to my job. Relationships have gone to hell- essentially don’t have any real friendships. Feeling like I’m worth nothing and deserve to be dead.
I am currently in a general psych partial hospital program. I’ve done this exact program before and found it very helpful. This time is different. I am halfway through and am not feeling any relief from these symptoms. Probably need an inpatient program tbh.
I need to decide what to do next. I honestly feel downing a bottle of pills or going to the ER. I keep telling my case manager at the program that I have SI- they haven’t asked about HI but I have that too. Bad.
What am I supposed to do? There is no program for me. There is no help for me. There is nothing for me.
This much be what people feel like before they start to plan their own death. | ptsd |
She doesnt understand the first thing about ocd and told me she was going to refer me to a psychiatrist so I can talk with him. I'm still a little worried that my fears will come true though. Hope everything will be OK. | OCD |
Idk man. I just hate being me. my entire life I did and wanted to be like others. my life has always been amazing, I have a good financial condition, I was always the best in class without even studying and I was fluent in 2 languages at the age of 12. everyone stops being friends with me bc I look like miss little perfect but I don't feel that way. I always hated being a girl and living. when I was 7 I wanted to go play soccer with the boys and the teacher said no, then I asked why and she said it was because that was a boy's game. I started crying saying I hated being a girl. the teacher proceeded to call my mom and I don't even remember what happened next bc I almost don't have childhood memories anymore. I was 7. as I kept on living, my parents always told me to act feminine but I hated that. until I was 11 I thought I was a boy. I truly thought. I always acted like boys at my school and dressed like them but I was the only one that got criticized by it. when I was 12, it was when I finally realized I wasn't a boy and that things weren't going to change. that's when I started to act overly feminine. I started wearing dresses more often, bought pink stuff, and acted like I was in Mean Girls (the movie), but sometimes, I would have a mental breakdown and wake up to the world. at the same time, I acted like miss little perfect I used to sh. when I turned 13 I changed. I stopped talking to people and started acting "tomboyishly" again. only wore large hoodies, baggy pants and started having a bad posture as I wanted to hide my breasts. only later on I discovered this wasn't normal. I realized it wasn't normal to hate being a girl and to hate her body. but I'm almost 100% sure I'm not trans because no one would ever see me as a boy. no girl would ever see me at the library and blush bc I was handsome and totally her type of guy. no, this would never happen to me. and I still can't believe this is not normal bc I thought it was. I never directly talked to a girl about this subject so I don't know if they feel this way as well. if you are a girl, please answer me, is this normal? | depression |
I'm so bad at it. It'll start off ok and then I'll make an off-colour remark and an awkward silence ensues. Any learned tips? | aspergers |
Im an addict for almost ten years now. I've had the fotunate luck that ppl were barely noticing when im pinning af or smoked out like hell. Well the last 3 years i was in a relation ship with a woman i know i clearly love, but my constant chase for the next high kept me from giving her the affection she needed. After i moved in with her 2.5 years ago ive been accumulating a collection of rare and unique drugs, which i frequently used. Last year in december i went to rehab over december but as my b day is nov 6 and christmas was just 1,5 months away i jumped off because i couldnt bear beeing without my loved ones on christmas and also all the thrapist were on anuall leave.... now im in a even worse spot. My girl broke up with me and will move out dec. 1st im so addicted depressed and traumatized my whole life and was afraid of speaking of it... i now decided to kick the habbit... my grandma is looking up addiction treatment facilities as my relationship to my mum is part of my trauma. Anyways yesterday i had a day off but today i would have needed to work arpund 10am... i was awake all night not getting sleep and woke up around 5pm... im scared ill lose my job because ive been missing a whole lot more due to sickness and tech issues.. this is my first 3 months and im scared they wont prolong my contract. I have about 3000 € credit debt because i use klarna card to buy food and groceries but use cash for drugs and everything else....
I hate what ive become... i truely loved my ex and now shes gone because i became this disgusting piece of junk that can only cry about thetrash pile i call life... im unable to support myself. I cant even eat when beeing alone
I need that klinik fast, i dont want to be thispile of trash any more... i want to be the happy, energetic fun guy i was before this shit happend... i want to stand infront of this girl as a clean and made man... idk if she has moved on till then but its worth a try... maybe by then she already has a happy relationship...but then i at least learned to care for myself... wish me luck... i dont want this hell anymore.... | depression |
Did any of, while undergoing therapy or otherwise, manage to uncover any traumatic events that you had forgotten about? Did they help explain any dysfunctions that you were/are struggling with? | ptsd |
I moved from 10mg to 20mg Adderall XR since my last appointment. She was very casual with upping the dose and just told me to take 2 10mgs instead of one because it wasn’t working. After doing that for 2 weeks nothing ever happened besides the first day (barely even then). Yesterday though, I took my 20mg and 2 hours later took the 10mg. I was able to feel quiet and get all my bullet journal tasks done. Made calls to my lawyer and pharmacy without a second thought. Filled up tax spreadsheets. Ate fine. No crash. My next appointment is in 2 weeks. Should I tell her I took 30mg and it worked? Or could this mess things up for me? I’m afraid when I tell her 20mg wasn’t it she’ll switch meds or something and I won’t be able to say anything. I know I shouldn’t have dosed myself but judging off my past appointments I assume she would’ve moved me to 30 anyway. | ADHD |
I can’t take care of myself. I’m 20 in a few weeks and I can’t feed myself, I can’t keep my living areas liveable, I feel like I dont understand anything.
I want to be an adult but I don’t think I’ll be able to. Hard things are easy and easy things are hard. I am a developed and refined person in many ways, but in many other ways I’m as helpless as a three year old.
I can’t take care of my studies even though I get so much help. I’m so emotional and get so affected by everything. And tired.
I’m shit but I’m better off than a year ago, there is a slow progress, but it’s hard and I’m tired.
I constantly ignore all things I need to do and just do whatever, then I’m more stressed because of it, I know its my fault and I hate that, I dont want to be a budern to my parents. They help me so much and I love them so much but Im just shit | aspergers |
Monitoring every one of your thoughts and feelings?
Feeling anxious?
Sweet, see if that feeling can kill you if you let your guard down.
Let it show you it's worst hand.
You're tired right?
Good, then fucking rest.
Be vulnerable to all of your thoughts and feelings.
Open the door.
If they happen, they happen.
Let your guard down, now.
No, not after you read this, RIGHT NOW.
BE VULNERABLE.
FEELINGS ARE FEELINGS.
THOUGHTS ARE THOUGHTS.
You are YOU and nothing more, not your thoughts, not your feelings... YOU ARE THE ONE WHO OBSERVES THEM.
Free yourself in this moment from the need to monitor and identify with your thoughts.
I don't care if you think the most fucked up thing imaginable.
I don't care if you had a thought that 100% makes you schizophrenic, or narcissistic, or a sociopath, pedophile, piece of shit friend, coward, fake, whatever the fuck... AWESOME.
Let those thoughts pass through on purpose and laugh at how creative your fucked up brain is (I just had a thought about brutally murdering my mother with a meat cleaver followed by hanging myself because I'm an undiagnosed schizophrenic with a tendency for murder about to have their first break from reality, HAHAHA. Oh brain! Love you! You creative little bitch!)
Let 'em ring!!!
Fuck it.
It doesn't fucking matter, it never fucking will and those thoughts will never be your fucking identity.
You are here, right now in this moment...
Nowhere else.
Nothing else matters.
Not a thought you have or a feeling you feel.
Fuck the need to monitor your thoughts.
Be vulnerable and let whatever you fear HAPPEN.
Give it the chance.
LET IT FUCKING HAPPEN.
Oh, but you're scared? Hell yeah, that means you're ALIVE.
Ride that feeling like it's your bitch.
See if it that anxious feeling can kill you on it's own.
Let me know if it does.
BE VULNERABLE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
That is all...
Toodles! <3 :D | OCD |
over the summer i got super into fitness and i’d work out almost every day for about 3 months and i definitely saw results. you’d think that would keep me motivated but apparently not… once school started i completely let myself go and no matter how badly i want to get up and exercise something in me just won’t let me do it. i made an entire pinterest board with fitness motivation and people with the kind of body i want so badly but that doesn’t seem to be enough either. i feel so stuck and i don’t know what to do anymore | ADHD |
Hey all (F, 23), I’ve been having obsessive and intrusive thoughts ever since I can remember, sometimes they get so bad I get little to no sleep, usually I clean, google things (for hours on end) or scratch various parts of my body in hope that they’ll stop (but of course.. they don’t.. they only continue with vengeance), I haven’t had a wave like the one I am going through in over a year and it is causing me to have severe anxiety and panic attacks, and I knew it was time to visit my doctor (after hours and days of googling and searching reddit), I’ve never been medicated or diagnosed with OCD, but my doctor thinks I have OCD and has recommended me to a specialist psychologist, in the mean time she has prescribed me with 50mg of sertraline and suggested I take half for the first week, I have taken the first half today and I have only just seen all of the side effects and withdrawal symptoms sprawled across the internet, I already have issues with my sex drive and I don’t want to become emotionally blunt, I’m petrified of these possibilities, has anyone had a positive experience with sertraline or dealt with intrusive/obsessive thoughts without medication?
TLDR; recently I visited my doctor and she prescribed me with 50mg of sertraline (started taking 25mg today to ease on at her direction) and I’m really anxious about the side effects and withdrawals, has anyone had positive experiences with sertraline or dealing with their obsessive/intrusive thoughts sans medication?
Thank you all hope everyone is staying safe | OCD |
I feel so terrible for this, but I have been making excuses and sort of lying when my sister (40s) asks me to come visit her. For background, they've been married for about 5 years. Her husband (also 40s) is normally a very fun, likeable, and sweet guy, but I have witnessed numerous chaotic and 'violent' (not physically toward anyone AFAIK) outbursts and very tense scary situations due to his PTSD. One time on the last visit, especially, I feared for my life as we were in the car, he was driving, and he became absolutely furious for about 10 minutes after another driver cut him off. He began to drive chaotically and I was so scared we were going to die in a car accident. There have been several other scary moments when I didn't know if he would blow up on us or someone else. Some other things that made me uncomfortable, he got upset that I was 'bogarting' the kitchen and cooked some meals for them...which they seemed to resent?
Long story short, I don't feel safe coming to visit and staying in their home. They just got a pool installed and insist I come to visit (I live in Europe, they are in the USA). I would come if I could stay in a hotel nearby, but I honestly don't have a ton of extra cash to pay for that. Being as I'm coming from Europe it's not like it would make sense to stay only a week. Also, I am 99% certain if I propose to stay in a hotel, my sister would feel hurt. I know that I could just come out and say I don't feel safe, but in a way I feel like this would break my sister's world, so to speak. She has always (for decades) tried to show her life as being perfectly happy and awesome, and I have seen several times where in fact, the sad truth came out finally after a lot of damage had been done.
I don't really know how it is for my sister day to day, us being so far. I do remember the last time I visited she did admit that she was 'just so exhausted' though she would never let on more than that.
I did plan a trip for the 2 of us to go on a trip together, she acted all hung-ho, got hotels and plane tickets booked and everything. She didn't go in the end so not sure if she's really interested in leaving her area either. Otherwise I'd suggest we meet again somewhere else, but like I said, she doesn't seem interested. Maybe something else is going on there I don't know about, has happened in the past. She plays the perfect happy life and chaos is happening behind the scenes.
A lot of stuff going on here, I know. Thank you so much for any advice on how to handle this. Tell her honestly? Keep making excuses? Another solution to see each other? I feel bad because I know he can't help it with his outbursts, he has tried to get help. At the same time, I don't feel safe with him :( | ptsd |
EDIT: I can't thank you guys enough for helping me to tackle this situation. Everything went smoothly, my friend accepted it really well and now we appreciate each other more for being fully honest in our communication! Additionally all of you encouraged me to not be afraid to set boundaries in friendships!
Hello everyone,
my friend who I know for some time, recently told me that he has Asperger's syndrome. I wasnt familiar with it, he explained to me and in the mean time I have been reading on the internet about it so I have some basic knowledge about this syndrome.
I noticed that he was acting unusual a long time ago i just didn't want to ask him about it and come across as rude. He is kind of obsessed with me, messages me on social media 24/7, he really counts on me as a close friend and i really appreciate that. I also respect him and enjoy his company but some things are bothering me a bit. I really can't keep up with messaging him all the time. If I don't message him he asks me what's wrong etc. I honestly feel like I'm robbed and there's no way out of this messaging process. I don't know how to tell him that this bothers me a bit and I'm afraid he would take it wrongly.
Another thing that bothers me is that whenever we are having a conversation and we share our opinions on a particular subject, he would always contradict me and spark an argument. It's really exhausting me to have arguments every day for several times.
I hope i didn't come off as rude because that was never my intention. Any advice would be really helpful! | aspergers |
I’m in a painful situation for myself, honestly been in it for years. It’s been since middle school that I’ve been getting worse with my depression, and now I’m in college... sometimes I feel like I don’t understand myself, or even my life... I’ve only be an adult for one full year, and I’m pushed into this “real world” shiz. My family says “no one cares that you have mental health issues. You can leave if you wanna complain because you’re an adult now,” or “you’re always talking about ending things, well don’t do it over here” and it honestly hurts. It hurts having to know that mental health is such a taboo subject in my family. I was beaten last week because of my depression and how angry I was. I can’t tell anyone because it would be considered “pathetic” or “disobedient.” I just want to also sleep forever. Everyday I wake up I expect circumstances to just worsen because I’m so exposed to things getting worse. I can feel myself rotting each day because there’s so much pain happening in my body. I don’t eat when I should, I don’t exercise anymore, I don’t talk, I don’t move.... I don’t feel anything. I just feel nothing.. I just want a hug. I’ve been searching for happiness everywhere. I was such an idiot back then that I thought I had to run to older men to understand me, when all they wanted was something else. I’m so hurt now because I feel like no one truly can befriend me or put up with me... | depression |
Please someone answer quickly
Hello
I just had a thought pop up last night about what if I am attracted to animals?
It really made me disgusted and I have experienced OCD before, but I recently recovered. I dont feel much anxiety, but I feel uncomfortable and disgusted each time a image has popped up in my mind today. I also have been having groinal movements and I am afraid to be near my cat.
Maybe It's OCD trying to get me back into the cycle of worrying?
I really don't wanna be a zoophile, I have had intrusive thoughts about zocd other times before, but it hasn't effected me because I just didn't really react to it.
I have tried petting my cat today and seeing how I would react, I just feel normal and happy and then uncomfortable because "what if you're falling in love with your cat because you feel happy?". Yesterday I didn't feel any of this at all so how could I suddenly be thinking this? It's been on my mind the whole day and I just want answers.
I wouldn't wanna do anything disgusting to my cat ever, but also my mind keeps saying but what if you're just denying it and you actually are attracted to your cat? It has made me cry multiple times. I keep thinking back in time to see if I have ever liked my cat when those thoughts popped up. I also have gotten hot in the face while ruminating which makes me worried too. Idk why I don't feel anxious though.. I wish I would feel anxious so I didn't doubt myself so much.
Sorry if this was long.
I'm gonna go take a shower and come back to see if anyone has answered. I don't think I'll be able to sleep with this on my mind. | OCD |
I just feel I need to get this out and ‘unload’.
Why does it feel never ending, why can’t the ‘box’ stay locked and that be that?
I don’t want to face it anymore, I’m tired of living with it, I HATE it. I hate knowing that one person changed my life forever without a second thought.
The things that haunt me I don’t want to admit them, it makes me feel weak, I want to run from it forever. Please go away, I am emotionally exhausted. | ptsd |
If anyone has any advice on how to not focus or think of something like that I’d love to hear it. I really need it, it’s been hard to focus during the day and all my brain wants to do is focus on that and how I’m a bad person. Any advice would be lovely, thank you:) | OCD |
Much of my OCD has been centered around contamination for so long that I’ve forgotten what is normal and not normal with hand washing. I told someone yesterday that I was using the bathroom and before I washed my hands, my sleeves slid down and touched the top of my hands and asked if I should change my shirt, and the person told me I was overthinking it. But to me, that’s disgusting. Would most people really not think about that and just walk around with that on their sleeves which will then touch their clean hands later? I must be doing something wrong because I wash my hands so much that they crack and bleed and look scary, but I feel disgusting if I don’t and it seems logical to me.
I wash my hands after almost everything that I would consider to be dirty, so of course bathrooms, going in public, etc. But also after touching my laundry, touching the inside of my ear, touching anyone’s hand, popping a pimple or touching a cut, touching the inside of my mouth, putting on shoes, adjusting my pants (cause the waist band was pulled up after using the bathroom so it’s contaminated), and so many other things that no one else thinks of. I wash my hands in between touching each part of my body in the shower if it could be dirty. I’ll wash my hips but my hips touched the waistband of my pants, so I can’t go touch another part of my body with my dirty hands so I wash them. I do that for my armpits too and behind my ears and a ton of other places. I waste countless paper towels because I will not even open doors with my shirt or turn off sinks with my elbow because I don’t want that on me cause it will get on anything else it touches and end up on my hands again or in my hair or something.
People without contamination OCD and people who remember what it’s like to not have it, how often do you wash your hands and after touching what things? I want to get over this so badly, but a large portion of it seems logical to me. | OCD |
Hey guys, this is my first time posting on a page like this, or any for that matter, and I really want to be as respectful to this group as possible.
I've been struggling with Pure O for several years, but didn't have a name for it until last year. I'm also an independent filmmaker, and I'm drawn towards exploring personal mental health topics that tend to be taboo and misunderstood, like OCD. I'm writing a short about Pure O, in part because there's nothing out there I've seen that really either talks about it, or represents it in a way that feels very relatable...and in part because I feel that talking about it, makes it easier to accept, and manage in my own life. That's been my experience at least. I guess I just really need some advice.
I'm concerned about misrepresenting the experience of Pure O, triggering anyone who's struggling deeply with it now. Is there anything you feel needs to be said about this disorder, that might've made a positive impact on you when you've struggled most with intrusive thoughts? Anything that you really wouldn't want to see, that might be hurtful to people with Pure O rather than helpful? I have no intention of going into detail with the graphic content of common disturbing thoughts, as I don't feel that would be appropriate or helpful in explaining the feelings that come with Pure O. My intention is really to just talk as honestly as I can about a mental illness that's misunderstood. Focus more on what it feels like and what it does to the person experiencing it, how it affects the way they live their life and think about themselves.
I hope that people struggling now are able to find the thing that helps them feel better about themselves again, and in a major way let go of the shame and distress attached to their thoughts. I'm on my way there too. | OCD |
well when I was 17, last year, I found a girl attractive in the a tv show. I never masturbated or anything to her, but I just remember me noting some secondary sexual characters. this incident suddenly came into my mind, and suddenly searched for the age, and turns out the girl was only 14 yo when the tv series came out. I started to freak out, and really didn't know what to do. well since most of my false memories associated with people who are like 2-3 years younger than me this makes me freak out, that all my false memories are real.
well a lot of you might think 2-3 years younger is not a big deal, well it is for me. I won't fantasize someone who is just not come under my age range.
but now I am freaking out, don't know what to do. suicidal thoughts are coming and going.
one of my concern is what if I have been someone who have been sexualizing children his whole life and somehow surpressed the memory? | OCD |
I get very scared and anxious after that. It's like ny OCD tells me no don't that or something horrible will happen and then I do that thing. And I get constant overthinking from it. What if.. what if... | OCD |
Everyone in my family is dying or dead. Which I guess is normal, but they’re going young..
My uncle that just passed away was 50, my mom was 52, my other uncle was 47, my grandpa was 64 but was on life support for 15 years… my dads side has Alzheimer’s so that’s fun..
The way I see it, I’m either dying at 50, or living til 90 with Alzheimer’s.. yay for me… it just fucks everything up so much, and I really don’t know what to do..
Ya know, how am I supposed to plan for the future? My retirement? Am I just gonna drop at 50 like everyone else in my family, or am I gonna like til I’m 90?
If I plan for retirement and I die at 50 something, then all my hard work is for nothing.. If I plan to die at 50, and I live til I’m 90, I’m literally fucked. Seems like I’m fucked anyway.
Thanks for reading that’s all for now | depression |
does anyone else have this problem? if so how do you fix/ cope with it? whenever i eat i just throw it up because of the fear and anxiety. I usually go two days with out eating/ unable to eat because i throw it up. | ptsd |
It is hard for me to blame and hold accountable “nice” abusers who tried hard not to sexualize me but “couldn’t help themselves.”
I was at an addiction meeting and I was passionately agreeing saying “mmhmm” a lot and one man got a boner. He looked like he didn’t want that to happen and was embarrassed. Then when we were leaving the meeting, his hands were shaking as he ran to the door, it looked like he was trying not to look at me. Then he opened the door for me and I turned around and saw he was staring at my butt. This man is the same age as my sexually abuse father who did the same thing so very triggering
There was another man who harassed me at the meeting—- he was entitled, quick to anger, unapologetically stared at my legs, watched me while I was alone and waited to walk me to my car and asked where I lived. Compared to this guy, The first guy seems so much better. So I struggled with really allowing myself to be angry with him and blaming him. I actually felt like protecting him because he seemed so friendly and innocent (just like I did with my sexually abusive father) and like he was trying not to sexualize me. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt so badly just like I wanted to give my dad. I felt some guilt when I reported the first man because he really seemed like he was trying really hard not to sexualize me and I even omitted the fact that he got a boner during the meeting in the report.
I realize this man was still to blame, though.. even though I don’t fully believe it. At the end of the day, even if it wasn’t his intention, the impact was the same.. I felt violated, betrayed and sexualized. Sexual harassment is harassment no matter what the intention was.
However, I really struggle with being as angry at these kinds of men “nice”, soft, seemingly innocent me who “try” not to sexualize.. but “couldn’t help it.” It is messed up how women are trained in society to baby men as if they can’t learn self control.
Who else relates? | ptsd |
For clarity I mean false memories as in a dream. For example; I have a false memory to where I could recall the sunlight opacity, shading; and texture. | OCD |
This is a bit of a two pronged question. I feel that it is relevant to give some background to explain the way I am feeling.
So I recently went through my first breakup, only lasted about 10 days. I am currently studying at a University and prior to my relationship with this girl I was way too involved. I have excellent time management skills to the extent that my working hours are from 8:00 AM to 6:30 PM. Unfortunately, throughout this last semester despite my involvement I found myself bored and alone when I was finished with my work for the day. By work I mean meetings, studying, eating, work, etc, everythign after 6:30 PM is me time. However I was so involved that I wasn't really having any time to myself. I too often was working past 6:30 and wasn't really doing anything to relax. I took a major step back once I entered into this relationship. I soon found myself having free time once again and very bored despite my involvement(probably why I was so dang involved in the first place, as the campus I am at is not known to be socially active). I felt that during the relationship I was happy, and I felt ok to be alone. After the breakup I found myself having a difficult time emotionally. I realized that However, I find myself having a very hard time processing this, despite the short time period. I know that people with ADHD tend to be more sensitive so I am curious if anyone else has experienced difficulty with processing after a breaking up with someone.
This relationship I was in led me to realize just how lonely I feel in life. I have always wondered why sometimes I feel like I do not want to do activities I enjoy such as watching a movie every now and then because it makes me feel disconnected. I know now that the reason for me feeling disconnected is loneliness. I find that when I am not doing something, loneliness creeps up on me. I don't think that I quite acknowledged or realized just how lonely I was prior to this. I often find myself feeling a need to be "connected" to others. I don't want to play video games, read a book, or watching a tv series because I think that it will make me more lonely. I feel that only being with a large group of people or being in a relationship seems to make my loneliness go away. Does anyone else experience this feeling? If so what strategies have you found successful in managing your loneliness? I understand that relying on another person as my sole source of not being lonely is not healthy. Additionally I do not believe that attending a campus that is not very socially active is benefiting me as well. Don't get me wrong, I am involved, but I still feel bored and lonely.
Any advice or similar experiences you feel comfortable sharing would be appreciated. | ADHD |
I made a short comic about PTSD! Full episodes on webtoons https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/tumbleweed-h/list?title_no=437489 | ptsd |
It feels like I’m coming down from a md high (what makes sense, considering they’re both drugs, I guess), but my doubt is actually if it gets less taxing after a while? My doctor has prescribed it to me just last week, and I’m still adjusting to it, but as soon as the effect is over, I’m just DONE, moving becomes a chore and I just wanna sleep… is it gonna be like that for long or will my body get used to it after a while? | ADHD |
Idk if I’m in denial or have cheating OCD . Or OCD at all. But basically I’m diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder since I was 16. I was in a toxic relationship when I was 16. He would control what I wore, what I said, who I talked to, I couldn’t laugh at something sexual . And if I didn’t reply to him within seconds he would freak out . He would look though my phone everytime we saw eachother . He threatened to rape me etc...
Anyways when I got into my relationship when I was 19 I hid my guy friend from my bf . My guy friend knew of my bf I sent him videos of my bf and I. Me and my guy friend talked about school, my relationship, my anxiety etc.. I would send him my tik tok photos asking if I look fat or bad (I do this with all my friends) I sent him photos I took for a tik tok and I was wearing a bralette . And I said I looked dead and made a boob joke . I don’t remember the full context cuz this was a year and 7 months ago. But he never been sexual towards me ever .
Anyways I obsess over this 24/7 along with virtual rooms I used to play . Along with ANY guy I encounter (sometimes even girls even tho I’m straight). I kinda wanna die a lot NGL . | OCD |
Life is so much better in my head if only I could live in there. | depression |
I just have received the farmacogenetic profile from GenoMind. As I was reading I was able to understand that no drugs, nor antidepressant neither antipsychotic works for me. My anxiety is trough the roof, to be more precise it was like this before getting the results. I was constantly zone-ing out. Now that I see that no med works for me I feel very terrible and I am very close to end this miserable life. | depression |
Hello friends, I have finally decided to take some steps to be seen by a doctor and hopefully get prescribed something for my severe depression. For so long I have been scared to taking this step but I have hit rock bottom and I dont want to keep living like this knowing I can take steps to hopefully getting better. With that said my questions are
1-How have anti depressants helped you?
2-Did you notice any change as soon as taking them or did it take you time?
I appreciate any feedback, have a great day | ADHD |
SUICIDE WARNIMG, via the wife
My husband worked as an EMR(emergency response) at a power plant, and responded to an awful death who took an insane fall. It really ruined my husband, who had to pump his chest for the 30 minute drive to the nearest hospital. It resulted in heinous nightmares and consecutive drinking. The person did not survive. It resulted in my husband developing a major alcohol problem. He eventually shot himself, right in front or me, after telling our 5 year old son that he was the the new man of the house. It has been quite a few years and we are just as broken. I need some help. | ptsd |
When I was a kid I was loud and annoying, I was always saying and doing the wrong thing and always got in trouble for it. I quickly learned to hide that part of myself, but I took it too far the other way. I became quiet and reserved, I barely ever said anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. That's how I've stayed because it's worked, I've stayed out of trouble and done mostly okay. I'm not completely happy with who I am though. I don't want to be quiet and reserved, I want to be outspoken but these habits are so ingrained in me now I don't know how to undo it. I'm also scared that I'd take it too far the other way again and once again become loud and annoying, I don't know how to find that middle ground.
The biggest thing that upsets me is that I don't really feel passionate about anything anymore. When I was a kid I remember talking people's ears off about things I was passionate about. I was told that it was annoying, or I learned that people don't care about these things as much as I did. Again I learned not to talk to people about my passions, and eventually I guess I convinced myself that my passions were stupid and unimportant. I took it so far the other way that I don't really feel passionate about anything at all any more, I don't even remember what I was so passionate about.
I feel like I've become a boring person, with no passion or energy in my life anymore. I don't care what other people think about me any more, I'm an adult now, if they don't like it that's their problem not mine. I don't know how to become that person again and get that passion back, I've hidden it from myself for so long I don't even know what it is or what it feels like. I tried to mould myself into the person that other people said I should be, I failed by taking it too far the other way and now i feel stuck as that person. | aspergers |
Okay y’all this is going to be long but I need to get this out.
I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of about 11 and have been on meds ever since. I’m 27 now. I have a therapist and a psychologist. July 7 I start CBT with my psychologist.
Pretty much my OCD has revolved around germs/wiping/hand washing, and just anything in general you could say.
I don’t obsessively wipe after a BM, but after peeing I wipe so excessively that it’s raw and hurts horribly. I wipe so many times that I bleed every time when I wipe after peeing yet I still obsessively wipe. It doesn’t make sense because I wipe where the pee comes out a few times and then go over it another like 20 times. Then I wipe the vaginal opening a million times. I just can’t stop even if I tell myself I’m good. I dread going to the bathroom because I hate wiping after peeing. No wet wipes don’t help because I just keep wiping and then I think I’m wet because of pee or the OCD makes me think that at least. I then will wash my hands over and over even if I know the first time was enough. It’s just so hard and I don’t know what to do. When I wipe my vulva after peeing I do a “ 1 2 3 4” and say okay done. But then I think “oh I didn’t even wipe even though I’m watching myself as I do it?!! I know a little pee left over is nothing but in my mind it makes the OCD freak out to the point where I’m so uncomfortable I can’t stand it and I have to give in. Any tips? I’ve always had horrible OCD as well so nothing made it come out of the blue.
Thanks. | OCD |
People think they can hurt me? There’s a lot of people that I wish I could unmeet. I know my worth to people, 0. But I’m going to stop giving a fuck what people think about me, I know myself more than they do anyway. At least I’m self-aware of my own behavior and try to learn from that. The human race isn’t worth fighting for anymore. I wish we could just give this planet back to the animals, they definitely deserve it way more than we do. | depression |
You can say it’s a relationship. It’s hard she is from Florida with a three year old girl. I hope we can see each other soon. | aspergers |
I have not been diagnosed with POCD and to be honest, I'm starting to question if that's really what I have or I'm just in denial.
But I have a follow-up appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I feel awful because I haven't done what she told me to do. She gave me a Cognitive Distortion record sheet to record intrusive thoughts, but the thing is I didn't tell her about my potential POCD. I told her about the issues I had BEFORE I began getting the intrusive thoughts I have now.
So what the hell should I do? How do I tell her what I'm really going through? I don't know what to do or feel anymore. I honestly think there's no hope for me. | OCD |
Is rocd what that sub has made it out to be? I find very often that it’s issues with compatibility and shit like that, or thinking they’d be happier with someone else. I myself am still in this situation, and it’s made me more depressed than I was when I was mentality institutionalized a few years back.
But, as someone diagnosed with ocd I can sniff out what sounds like ocd “like oh yeah there’s that cunt” the crazy thoughts of if they’re secretly a murderer? Or if they’re psycho/a secret rapist?
But forreal this awakenintolove following just seems like horseshit. I’m genuinely curious on some others with ocd, in relationships? Are we naturally just more prone to think about incompatibilities? Or are we using ocd as an excuse for a deeper issue? What do you think? | OCD |
It is the middle of the night, our plane takes off early so I decided to pull an all-nighter. The two friends I‘m going with aren‘t sleeping either, they are out with people. I was also invited but decided not to go, because I knew I needed time to mentally "prepare" to go on a trip like this.
I have been "preparing" for two hours now, and have to get going soon. I‘m freaking out, I don‘t want to go. Yet I was the one who suggested and planned this trip. The friends I‘m going with are very accommodating people too, I was excited for this trip. But now I just want to stay at home. The time it took me to write this doesn‘t feel like it counts towards "preparing", so now I‘m anxious about having wasted it.
Does anybody know how this feels, and/or has tips on how I can make the whole situation better? | aspergers |
Is there any resources for those friends of someone with OCD... in the sense of intrusive thoughts regarding all types of relationships?
I ask because I have a friend with OCD and I'm not sure if it's the symptoms of it is what's affecting our friendship, but I want to better understand and see if there's a way I can support and repair our friendship. | OCD |
As the title suggests, yes, I have Autism, and you know what. How does being autistic make us any less human? I know for the fact that most NT is full of Bs, but you know what? I live the "rockstar life". So I did what you guys would want to experience, like hooking up with hotties, expensive purchases, and getting to know my favorite musicians.
As I get older, I realize that I can't continue to have that lifestyle and dedicated myself to help out the people who are really in need. So I can fairly say that I know how NT's operate and how to deal with the bs.
My only advice at this moment for dealing with Nt's is that "Most people aren't good people." This advice I got from my on and off Cyprus GF. I know. | aspergers |
Pretty much as the title states - If you could \*snap!\* then POOF! Every neurotypical person understood a specific aspect of living as an Aspie what would it be and why? | aspergers |
I’ve had POCD for like 3 weeks now. I’ve never felt attracted to kids but now I’m having memories of past events that’s making me doubt myself. The false attraction feels so real. Like the butterflies in stomach feeling. I think it’s caused by anxiety but I can’t tell at this point. I have the same butterflies in stomach feeling when I experience attraction towards older women but there is no anxiety present. Idk but it feels the same just minus the anxiety. Could I just be a pedo and the anxiety is stopping me from being attracted? | OCD |
Title says it all. I just started taking meds, I'm on day 3, and the intrusive thoughts and anxiety are off the roof | OCD |
This probably mostly applies to students since we have to do a ton of reading.
Anyone else look at how much you have to read and the font size before actually starting in order to mentally prepare yourself for it? And then identify the pages you won’t have to read (e.g. pages with primarily images) to make yourself feel a little better?
Because same.
This is one thing that makes a lot more sense to me now that I’ve recently been diagnosed. I’ve always wanted to be someone who enjoys reading but I don’t hold interest in long-winded texts too easily. | ADHD |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.