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hey everyone. I have been diagnosed with ocd and I am currently on meds and therapy but it's not working.
through one day I have like several mind spirals that shut me out of the real reality.
compulsions doesnt work anymore. I feel so guilty, scared and lonely. if there is something wrong in my life or mind my whole world stop and everything gets confusing. it's like a torture. my mind is going to kill me | OCD |
Back in my teen years, I had a better life even though it was filled with ward and Hospital visits, occasional drug use, arguments, anger...
Now I'm in my mid twenties and am more mentally stable but it's so boring. Everyday is the same, everything is stagnant. | depression |
*so my pocd is giving me a lot of thoughts. i really don't know how to respond to it. can someone please help me by telling me to my each thought i have mentioned below?*
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thoughts:-
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you might be a pedophile from birth
you have experimented with your sis when she was way younger. even though you were a kid then, it won't take a long time to go to same mindset and molest another child (i was 12 when this happened i am 18 now. no one was harmed)
you have masturbated to anime twice and recently you have found out that the character you masturbated was only 10 or 11. so technically you are capable of sexualizing a body of a kid that age
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once you have accedently gone into a cp website. there are chances you might masturbated to it. you are not sure weather you are aroused by it or masturbated to it. but still there are chances. so you will molest a child if you got a chance to
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you don't want to molest to molest a child only because it is not morally who you are. other than that you are a pervert who could turned on even when you see a kid naked(i never remember finding myself turned on by seeing kids naked . i never gave it a second thought)
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you cannot even control your masturbation urge. you have tried several times and failed to control your urge to masturbation. this says how bad your self control is . so if your self control is so bad, how are you sure that you won't molest a child in your future because of you not able to controlling your urge?
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you are just a pedo in denial. when you imagine two guys having sex, you get a disguised feeling. but when you imagine you molesting you only getting anxiety. so that means you are just enjoying the thoughts and getting this anxiety just because it affects your moral value. you are attracted to kids
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you don't know how to react to kids when you see them naked. (like when you see a kid naked, you would just look them as some third species of human. you will not feel sexually attracted to them my problem is if i see a kid, i don't know how to react or how to see it . like if a person has a kid in their hand, i never felt comfortable. like i ask to myself how can that person hold a kid in that way? how can he do that?even it is a kid, isn't it wrong to hold someone grabbing their butt? i sometimes feel like i am not seeing kids as kids )
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if you are capable of getting intrusive thoughts, it is not so difficult for you molest a child
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these thoughts might not even make any sense, but these thoughts won't let me do anything. i tried to sit without responding to them, i am getting more anxiety. if i get these questions i don't know what answer should i give to them to reduce my anxiety.
also i have never fantasized about children sexually and never remember of enjoying my intrusive thoughts. i hate my life | OCD |
The only thing that has stopped me for months is the statistics and fear of failure- firearms carry the most reliable success rate for suicide.
This site has been a cathartic place to talk some things out the past few months... I don't have anyone I can reach out to, and to be able to get some things off my chest has meant so much to me! But then some nutjob in this sub started picking fights (whatever- blocked the big bad keyboard warrior, eyeroll) and my post got removed. Apparently my being triggered wasn't "related to PTSD enough" for the mods.
The last domino has fallen, I guess. It was only a matter of time before my pain was dismissed as unworthy once again. | ptsd |
Background: The first pub job and practically my first ever job I worked at was awful. The manager bullied me and made me incredibly anxious - he would sneak up behind me if I was making a small mistake and would yell in my ear in front of customers and tell me he couldn’t understand why “you’re going to University this year you have no excuse to be so f-ing stupid” and “what is WRONG with you?” “You’re making me pull my hair out over here get a GRIP!” What is sad was while I was making mistakes he was completely overreacting and was horrible to everyone. I internalised what he said and thought it was me being especially useless when he was just being a prick.
A few years later I worked at another pub. Very different experience - kind and considerate boss but I was still so anxious and so frustrated and angry at myself for all the silly mistakes I would make no matter how much I desperately wanted and tried to be good at my job (that I now know are because of my ADHD) and I was still very nervous and awkward around her. I could tell she was frustrated I would make silly mistakes but rather than taking it out on me, she would just take me aside and give me genuine helpful advice on how to do it better.
We weren’t that close but she would invite me out with everyone to group events or upstairs with her friends for drinks after work.
She also has ADHD and would make jokes about how hype she was all the time - “I’m not hyper I just have ADHD” I guess so that we could understand her personality without judging her.
Two years later I’ve finally got my diagnosis and am learning to forgive myself for all the years I’ve thought I was just stupid and clumsy and lazy.
I reached out to her on a whim and sent her a message to say thanks - that I also have AD(H)D and I really appreciated how kind and patient she was with me (and acknowledged that it was so out of the blue).
I’m now worried it was a bit intense - I am genuinely grateful and the message itself was absolutely fine and not OTT but it has been two years since I worked there - I’ve since moved away so can’t just pop in to her pub for a chat. It’s just since being diagnosed I feel so grateful for the people in my life who were understanding and kind to me and I want to know when/how to let them know they did something kind.
Also taking my meds makes me want to tell everyone everything - so I’m worried about that - but this is something I genuinely mean and have wanted to let her know for a while, I just didn’t know how to before.
Am I overthinking this or was it weird I said thanks out of the blue after so long?
It doesn’t really matter, but want to learn for the future.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell when I am majorly overthinking something or when I am not being socially aware cause I do a lot of both sometimes!
Thanks all :)
TLDR: Wanted to thank manager for being so kind and understanding to me when I worked at her bar before I had my diagnosis. Worried it was too intense after so long. Just wanted to let her know I am grateful. | ADHD |
I have a question for anyone who suffers from or has suffered from depression. How is it? Is there a way to describe these feelings and thoughts? What advice would you give to someone suffering from depression? | depression |
Hi. I'm F17 and I was diagnosed 22 months ago. 3 weeks ago I made a post about repetitive head twitching that started happening after becoming sleep deprived. It has gotten worse, and some days I can't even be in a room with other people without having the urge to twitch. It's been very draining because I'm scared of doing it around classmates so I put all my energy into trying to stay calm. It's mostly when I'm overwhelmed by emotions, sensory issues or when I'm sleep deprived (I can't sleep the night between Sunday and Monday and sometimes also Monday and Thuesday, so I'm sleep deprived 1-2 days a week). I'm currently sitting in my room and twitching a lot even though I haven't been overwhelmed.
I'm worried that this won't go away and that I'll have to get used to twitching but I really don't want the attention when I'm in public twitching. Does anyone have tips to reduce it? I've been in contact with my psychiatrist, but the waiting time is at least 2 months (which is fairly fast) and it's been having a big effect on my anxiety in online class (we have to have our webcams turned on so I don't feel comfortable twitching). Does anyone have tips to reduce it or cope with the twitching better? | aspergers |
lol like oh, so u are telling me that this number has a meaning? lets do this 11 times and repeat it 44 times o.o
MY MIND IS RISING Oooo.oooO | OCD |
Definitely helped to get some stuff off of my chest at one point in time, but unfortunately reading about how depressed or suicidal everyone is so often actually makes me feel worse. I feel selfish for not wanting to participate anymore, but I can’t seem to find a healthy balance. Thanks for everything. ✌🏻 | depression |
Im 19F UK, I think I might have inattentive type
TLDR (bc I probably wouldn’t read this fat block of text myself): Told my mum I thought I had ADHD. She said no because her knowledge was from a boy with hyperactive type. I can’t remember much from 16 or under, but I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone if I had any symptoms. Also have anxiety and depression. Too scared to talk to a doctor until I’m 100% sure. Any advice?
I mentioned to my mum in July that I thought I checked some of the symptoms for ADHD. She immediately shot me down and said that she knew a boy with ADHD and I was nothing like him (it sounds like he has hyperactive type). I told her it presents differently in girls and boys and that there are different types. Still she seemed disinterested so I thought I was being dramatic and forgot about it until a few nights ago.
I always thought anxiety or depression was the reason I had trouble with studying and completing homework on time, and just living as a person in general, but now I’ve finished school and am just chilling at home, and nothing has changed. I spend all day doing nothing that I need or want to do. I can clean the house, do the laundry and put it away for other people but my pile of folded clothes never gets put away, and my room is a mess. I do some chores because my family have less time on their hands than me, and then lay in bed all day or spend all day downstairs saying that I’m bored even though I have countless things I could be doing.
I did a questionnaire from the NHS but I’m worried about talking to my doctor because I can’t remember my childhood. I tried looking for my old school reports but can’t find them, I’m not sure how much they’d help though as I have always been anxious about school.
I reluctant to ask my mum again because I’m too embarrassed, I could ask my dad and older siblings but I’m so scared that I’m wrong about this and they’re going to judge me or think I’m being ridiculous.
I’m terrified that I’m performing to match symptoms right now. What if they’re caused by depression and I wouldn’t be experiencing this if I wasn’t depressed?
Does anyone have any advice? | ADHD |
For me they called me a reatard that whould flip burgers for the rest of my life. | aspergers |
TW; POCD
I (15M) genuinely hate little kids. I absolutely find them repulsive. Before I had OCD I already wasn’t very fond of kids, but now that I struggle with these thoughts I hate them even more. I genuinely hate them with every fiber in my body. It’s not that they did anything wrong, nor do I wish harm on any child, as that’s just wrong. But these thoughts have genuinely made me hate kids. I hate looking at them, I hate being around them, I hate talking to them, I hate everything about them. | OCD |
Don't know where else to post this, but here goes anyway.
Don't deserve anything nice, I just become an ungrateful and unproductive waste of space, and I allow that to happen, being useless and worthless.
Don't let myself win because I am afraid of trying too hard, succeeding, being disappointed, getting attention from others for winning (had to correct that, I put in winking, how pathetic and humiliating) and earning (misspelled) status, it's all too much, so I always make sure that I lose, whenever things get good I purposely ruin it out of fear and for relief from all of the pressure and expectations.
Don't want to sleep around, lounge around too long because someone might say that I'm feeling sorry for myself, everyone works (misspell number 3,revolting) and nobody wants help so I usually don't know how to help, the only thing I can think of is to bann myself from the laptop for some time. What happened is that I left the cup on the new sofa, because I was so distracted by the laptop (on phone now) and even though I tried my best to put the cups on the mats I still managed to spazz out, sneaky spazz attacks that happen all the time and they are always sneaking in the corner somewhere waiting to pounce out. So I cannot allow myself to be in the conditions that will make those spazz attacks happen because no matter how hard I try they still happen, so remove the source hence removing the disgusting and revolting problem which is my presence.
It's hard not to feel like this while encouraging other people to view me in the same way that I view myself, my unhappy and frowny look gives other people pleasure. So I can't express myself or show any emotion, afraid of people asking things (misspell 4), self disclosure to real people and known people and family can go fuck itself. I don't want them to know because they'll say I have a problem, give me unsolicited advice and tell me that it's ok to be on the laptop, but I know it's not, it won't feel right to go on the laptop again, it'll feel wrong, very wrong and I just don't want to hear them saying that it's ok.
Talking and doing anything with others is bad, anything I say or do that I don't approve of, I remember for the rest of my life and becomes part of the list of why I hate myself and why I should never be in situations where I can make the list (misspell 5, I wish you could hit me so hard) bigger and where I am given more (misspell 6)reasons to avoid something and a reason to avoid something new. No, cannot do anything, because it won't feel right, I'm too afraid to embarrass myself, don't like people, don't like talking to them, they hate what I have to say and I hate what I have to say so I won't share I'll stay away, and let me rot somewhere alone in the wild or in a cell.
But I can't do that because I have type 1 diabetes, so what the fuck am I supposed to do now, I am dependent on society because of medicine so I can't leave, I'm stuck forever, I can't live in the wild, and I can't lock myself up forever, hate it.
So ungrateful as well, so many people in my family has done so much for me and all I've done is pretty much nothing, trying to move out but that's taking forever, hate being a bother for this long, it's gone on for long enough, the guilt is getting too much, but it's getting difficult to live with my family no matter how good or nice they are. That's what happens when your nice to people, it'll never be good enough and they'll never be grateful and they'll play you some nasty trick, and I'm one of those people so yeh, no more laptop because I'm too disgusting. Need to do some work, work alot, work so much, work where I am never appreciated, work where people pay no notice to me, somewhere where I can work till exhaustion, every day, and avoid anything that hurts others humiliates me avoid situations that allow me to do spazz attacks and other things I cannot allow myself to become more disgusting more corrupted more scummy and more of a waste of space.
Had to get this out my head, it's been going on for a week and it's getting worse. | OCD |
How do you have healthy relationships with crippling OCD? I have extreme health anxiety from cdiff and since then my ocd had spiralled out of control and I can't stop bleaching everything and have ruined so many things includingy S/O things. I feel terrible. My hands are cracked I can't function in the house anymore I can't stop over thinking everything everyone touched and possibly contaminating from money, bathrooms, etc it's hard to bond with my animals now. Idk what to do. I don't have the energy to keep this up. I literally have to keep track of everything or I don't feel safe. My relationships family and personal are struggling bc I can't get it under control. | OCD |
When i was 15 or 14 yo our home was breached and i got attacked by a knife and also my mother. From that day im afraid from any thing related to fights and i have very much adrenalin in my blood. I cant fight and im feeling im not brave. I dono what to do. Im a kickboxer but i never take part in competitiin cause its always a triger for me.
Need to hear from you guys
Thanks | ptsd |
Hello all, I was recently diagnosed with adhd. I started taking medication (Dexedrine 40mg) and so far it hasn’t been to bad, but I have noticed some annoying side effects such as, stomach aches, headaches, no appetite, they aren’t to big of a deal but more so just annoying I
Know lots of people have some side effects when they start medication, I was wondering if people have an adjustment period and eventually the side effects go away or lessen, as of right now they are manageable, is this something I should bring up to my Dr? Or is this relatively normal to experience | ADHD |
So I just got diagnosed tomorrow with Depression-Anxiety Disorder/Mixed Personality Disorder. I am 20yo male, smoking pack a day, no alcohol since September. Not using street drugs either.
I've been tapering off benzodiazepines this autumn but started taking them again occasionally in December when I feel the need to reduce major anxiety or prevent panic attacks when they're starting.
My new treatment consists of Duloxetine, Olanzapine (before bedtime) and Sonapax as an alternative for benzodiazepines and I'm starting taking it today.
My psychiatrist claimed that I was addicted/dependent on benzos, therefore replaced it with Sonapax. As I red feedback from other redditors who've been on that medication I clearly saw that this alternative will also make me dependent and may trigger the withdrawal syndrome if I'd stop taking it.
So today I woke up and question raised inside my head: what's the point of trading one addiction for another, if the previous one was definitely making me more social and benzos are cheaper per dosage? I ain't see no benefits in that move, other than labeling me as an "addict" to switch medications for more preferable one for the psychiatrist. | depression |
Why would anybody want me around or even like me? I’m a 33 year old autistic loser who can’t do anything right.
I’ll never ever amount to anything, especially video editing and voice acting which are my passions. On top of that, I enjoy spending time at theme parks.
I’m a complete loser and that’s all I’ll ever be | depression |
Haha this would be very funny if I was not staring consequences in the face tomorrow. I woke up in middle of the night, and suddenly could not stand being inside myself. Then I noticed I could not stand the feeling of my hair touching my ears, so I got up and found my scissors and started cutting the parts around my ears. It was so satisfying I could not stop, and chopped everything off. Then I realized what I had done, and tried to even out the patchy places with my shaving razor, but this made things much worse, because now there are bald patches on one side and in the back.
I am in grad school, and trying to convince my teachers that I am responsible and trustworthy, but now I will have to do exams, presentation, and jury with patchy head, and look like I have gone insane. What should I do? What should I tell them? | aspergers |
I just wanted to share my experience with ADHD and forgetfulness. Occasionally I'll get small bursts of inspiration and have so many plans to do things. By the time I go to grab my phone or a pen, I'll have already forgot what I wanted to do. I never used to be like this and it's incredibly frustrating to deal with. Usually I often waste time trying to remember what I wanted to do and be hard on myself, and this train of thought would get me anxious.
I've recently started trying a new approach where I move on to the next thing that I need to get done. I tell myself that if it's important enough, I'll likely remember it anyway. This approach has been really helpful for me. What approaches do you guys take when dealing with forgetfulness and what tips do you have for dealing with it? I feel like the constant train of thoughts in my head sometimes interferes with the important things I need to do and controlling it is one of the keys to dealing with forgetfulness. | ADHD |
for several weeks I've fallen back in assignments due to lack of verbal communication and being sick, so now I've fallen back in a lot of work. I've been trying to work on it only to find I cannot because i find it hard to merge time where i do schoolwork with time where I am trying to spend my free time doing things I like. | aspergers |
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD for years and different obsessions come and go, but recently my obsession has been picking at my skin like crazy to the point it’s scaring, does anybody have any tips for stopping skin picking? | OCD |
(n-acetylcysteine)
It has been nothing but positive results so far!
I have suffered with Schiz-OCD 24/7 for the past 7 months and this is the first time I have truly felt somewhat like my old self again.
ERP did help as far as the stickiness of the thoughts, but doing ERP every waking moment has brought a lot of stress on my body and mind (as it's supposed to if done right). NAC seems to have mended those feelings of constant tension.
If you have access to this supplement, please do yourself a favor and give it a shot! ERP is important to combat the thoughts themselves but as far as the chronic feeling of stress associated with OCD, NAC (n-acetylcysteine) has had a very noticeable affect on diminishing those symptoms.
This is most likely due to our (those with OCD) brain's overactive glutamate system, NAC helps to naturally balance this system. Please give it a shot or at least talk about it with your doctor!
Science!!! | OCD |
I'm making this post because my friends say they have never heard of anyone else going through what I have and google doesn't seem to have any answers for me either. I was diagnosed with ADHD but I've never heard of people with ADHD going nonverbal. I've suspected I had autism for a long time and I've heard of people with autism going nonverbal/mute and I've wondered for a while if going nonverbal could be a potential autism symptom? I thought I'd ask around to make sure.
I consider myself an extrovert. I love people and try my best to make friends and talk to people, but for some reason, verbal communication is very tiring for me. As a result, I seem to have an "energy saving" mode where i go either entirely mute or completely monotone, losing all emotion in my voice. It seems to happen when I am tired or under a lot of stress. It feels like there's a block in my head or that there's a complete disconnect between my mouth and my brain. I have to think extra hard about what to say and how to say it.
Note: When I say 'go mute', I mean that I can talk if absolutely necessary, but I need to try really hard to force the words out (and even then they come out very quiet and monotone)
Here's what i know for sure:
a) it's not an anxiety or selective mutism thing because I can barely force myself to talk even when completely alone. I also don't experience any anxiety at all when it comes to speaking to others.
b) it seems to be connected to my energy levels because sleeping and taking breaks from socializing with others helps it a lot.
When I am not going through this, I can speak just fine. So far, the only two ways I know how to recover from going 'mute' is just to power through it and force myself to speak again, or to rest and take a break from social interactions for a while.
Does anyone know what this could be? It's very inconvenient and I would love to know if anyone else has this problem or has heard of it before. | ADHD |
TW: Substance abuse
I, like many others with this awful illness, have spent years trying to self medicate while spending my days hiding from the world. I mainly abused alcohol, weed, and benzodiazepines. Fortunately, I’ve been clean of alcohol for nearly 90 days (wooo!!), benzodiazepines for 9 months, and until yesterday; I had not used any form of marijuana for just under a month. Weed has always been my biggest crutch and sadly, I had a small relapse and took some of a THC tincture yesterday. Within 2 hours, I found myself repeating sentences in my head, performing repetitive behaviours until I was physically exhausted, having unbearable intrusive thoughts, and was on the verge of a panic attack that has yet to come (it’s almost worse than actually having a panic attack). I have absolutely zero desire to use it again so please don’t hit me with the obvious of not using it lol. Has anyone else experienced this? Everything I’ve seen online and have heard from others with OCD say that weed helps their symptoms. Surely I can’t be the only one?
TLDR; Been sober from weed for almost a month until yesterday and experienced a major increase in symptoms after using it. Anyone else have similar experiences? | OCD |
i don’t understand anymore. i’ve been super depressed for a few years. 2018. had my ups and downs with it. was never completely happy. struggled with appetite, self harm, sa, self esteem, parent stuff, relationship stuff, suicide stuff, severe anxiety, whatever...
but i have NEVER felt worse in my whole entire life. i don’t have the support to go to therapy. i have loving friends and family. but i cannot think straight without self harming anymore. i cant smile for real anymore. it hurts, so, so, so, bad. i am crazy. i have panic attacks like crazy. i sob over everything. i hate myself. i feel uncomfortable at home, work, anywhere where i’m out, i have no safe space. i am so easily agitated. my sensory issues are off the wall. it hurts so bad. it hurts so bad. why isn’t it getting better yet? it’s supposed to get better. i am hurting! please someone hear that i am hurting. i am waiting for it to heal and trying to be a better me but it doesn’t work. why does the main situation in my life have to be so unique and unconventional? i don’t know how to fix and it has ruined my life. i am going to die from this one day | depression |
Does anyone else experience this? If you’re worried about something, you’ll suddenly hear it. And I mean like, if I’m obsessing and worrying over something. I could be laying in my bed on my phone with the tv playing in the background, not even worried about that obsession at the moment. But my brain will lock onto a trigger word from the tv.
So like, today. I’ve been obsessing and worrying about losing my bf. Worried about a break up. And I was laying in bed on my phone, my tv playing in the background. Not even listening to my tv, just playing on my phone. And suddenly my brain locks onto a word someone on tv says “heart break” or “break up”. Whenever this happens, it makes me sick and sends me into a spiral. My brain goes to “why would I hear that? It’s a sign it’s gonna happen, because I wasn’t even listening to my tv?” And I couldn’t even tell you what they were talking about before that word popped up.
Has anyone else experienced this? It’s really freaking me out. Why would my brain hear that word I’m worried about and nothing else? Does this happen to y’all? | OCD |
Yo, I'm brand new to this subreddit, so forgive my mistakes should they occur.
I just thought I'd check here, because Google hadn't yielded any particularly helpful results, but I am testing out a methylphenidate (Cotempla) after being on an amphetamine (Vyvanse), and not only is it doing jackshit for my ADHD, I actually have been exhausted both times I've taken it, and ended up sleeping for hours. It's extended release, if that's of any importance.
My question is if anyone else has had a problem like with methylphenidates? I have a chronic physical illness that occasionally affects my energy level (but it's pretty well managed atm), so before I go blaming this new drug I thought I'd see if this is common to literally anyone else. It seems counterintuitive for a stimulant to cause fatigue, but ???
Idk, any advice would be welcomed.
Thnx, friends. | ADHD |
I'm feeling like a trash, and I promise I don't want to feel this way, I'm really trying but it just get worse and I just want to be able to be happy and I'm begging (idk to who cause I'm not a believer) "please, I just want to be okay" and I really try but I just can't. So, I'm taking therapy as soon as I can. | ptsd |
I don't want a diagnosis.
I want to know if I'm exaggerating my experiences to fit ADHD symptoms.
Wanted to ask here before I talk to a psychiatrist in person since I've been told these are problems everyone experiences and that I don't seem "ADHD" because I am quiet. I am just worried that these are just all things that are normal to experience and that visiting a psychiatrist would be a waste of money and time. I feel like maybe I'm just searching for an excuse for laziness.
Noticed problems paying attention since 4th grade, which became a problem in middle school when I almost failed multiple classes because I couldn't get myself to do homework until the last minute. Still having trouble with it in college, need help dealing with it because I don't want to fail out of college.
Never visited a doctor about it before, parents think mental health issues are a waste of time.
Problems:
Hard time listening to people
- forget what people tell me a few seconds/minutes ago, blanking out
- cannot learn from lectures ever, always try taking notes but end up doing something else. Since middle school I cannot ever paying attention during a lecture, always chalked it up to not caring because I do good on tests.
Hard time sleeping
- need to set an alarm to sleep or I forget to sleep until feeling very tired or I see the light of morning if working on something or thinking about something (game theorycrafting, daydreaming)
Get distracted while working
- Sometimes will start work on one assignment, then remember I have another assignment and forget the first one to work on the second one.
- Bad at completing tasks at work because I start working on new things before my old task was completed, leaving things undone and forgetting about them.
Low motivation
- have a hard time getting myself to do anything
Procrastination
- Only care about things when I start stressing really hard about it even if I create a plan to do it. eg. I wanted to apply to 3 internships a day but after a week I stopped caring about getting one until recently because I'm stressing that I'll be unemployed forever without one
Depressive episodes
- because of procrastination and low motivation, I feel like a failure.
Losing things
- I tend to misplace things more than the average person, I lost my driver's license 2 times in the past 6 months
Sorry if this breaks rules, just want a little bit of insight before I do pay for a psychiatrist. My family has never been diagnosed with ADHD, but my brother has always been pretty hyperactive. Just seems like everyone I've talked to relates to my experiences so maybe they are just normal. | ADHD |
Does anyone feel like your brain is a tangled ball of string and everyone is expecting you to do seemingly “normal” tasks like make calls, clean, follow through on stuff, etc…However, your brain isn’t in that mode so you end up coming off as flaky/uninterested/lazy/stupid and the like. Then, you’re left feeling so overwhelmed and as if everyone hates you but it’s because they’re not understanding where your head is at? I got diagnosed with ADD at 14. Im 25 and it’s proven to be more difficult dealing with it as an adult and all I want to do is shut down all of the time. Im on meds but now those don’t even seem to help. If anyone can relate and/or has any words of wisdom please help! | ADHD |
I’ve suffered a lot of childhood trauma (I’m not gonna go into the details) but I don’t like how it’s sabotaging my shot at finding love and real relationships. Especially when there is someone in my life who I’m afraid to admit my feelings for. What would you do? | ptsd |
I always feel slightly high or out of it. Like, watching my hands do things feels like watching the floating hands in a video game. My head is always simultaneously light and heavy and I just feel like I do when I’m high. Very depersonalized, I guess. I know I’m piloting my body, but at the same time I feel like I’m just along for the ride. | depression |
Well, the generic version anyway. I’ve been struggling with my OCD causing a lot of underlying anxiety and have been fighting mild depression for several years now. After a particularly bad bout of depression this past December, I started my journey toward seeking medication and I just took my first pill today. My psychiatrist told me that Lexapro should help both with the anxiety and the depression, and she’s got me on a low dose to start with.
Prayers and thoughts would be appreciated, I’m very nervous about this but am praying it answers some long-standing questions! Any advice you might have of your own experiences with Lexapro are very welcomed as well, I could use all the info I get. | OCD |
Good afternoon people of ADHD reddit.
I have never posted here before but I have been reading through a ton of posts on this sub. To preface, this may be a long post but a necessary one for my own peace of mind. In advance I think all of you wonderful people for taking the time to read and provide feedback.
Alright... so where to begin. I currently am in University studying genetics and although I am absolutely interested/curious and wanting expand my knowledge on the subject I have now ended up on Academic Probation. If I don't get at least a 60 this semester I will be required to withdraw for at least a year. I know I have the drive to learn but yet throughout my entire studies I have failed to submit assignments on time, stay up to date with lectures, attend class regularly and use additional resources to cement what I half listen to in the lectures I attend half the time.
All throughout elementary school I posted average and higher grades. Last night I went through all my report cards my mom had kept over the years and here are my findings. Kindergarten to Grade 2 seemed relatively normal behaviour with no negative feedback. In fact teachers often wrote I came to school everyday ready to learn showing great initiative. In grade 3 my teacher commented on me excessively socializing during class time. Also that I need to improve the quality of my work as I often rushed through work. I also frequently would distract others or even try to help them when I finished my work early which was not encouraged by my teacher. My handwriting was super rushed and gross looking compared to classmates. In grade 4 I was given satisfactory (Scale: Excellent, Good, Satisfactory and Needs Improvement) on independent work, initiative and homework completion. My teacher said my enthusiasm to entertain and socialize made me easily distracted and often didn't complete my daily work and required encouragement. Then in grade 7 I put up straight A's and even won awards for my learning skills, telling the complete opposite story. In grade 9 I had some teachers comment on my responsibility and poor study habits. It was high school were I really feel like I became increasingly bored in class often and would zone out with ease and think about something completely random.. just daydreaming. I do remember doing this in elementary school but especially in HS. I never studied or completed homework (that wasn't for marks). Some studying in high school but only last minute before exams/tests.
I've also always had troubles with responsibility in my family life. My mom would say she told me something multiple times but I would have no recollection. I frequently would misplace and lose things around the house. Procrastination has always been something I've struggled with. I always leave studying, homework and assignment till the absolute last minute. My mom also frequently would comment on my fidgeting and not sitting still.
Now that you have a bit of back story, I'll tell you how I've been in my adult life. I am a 20 yr old male btw. I have struggled with addictions and I mean taking them to the extreme. Excessively smoking mary jane/p\*rn etc. I've been pretty depressed since leaving high school. Recently I was feeling suicidal so my gf brought me back to my family's home. This was about a month ago and I have since not touched mary jane and practiced nofap. Although I am doing the right things like getting myself out of bed early, going for a run, therapy, cold showers, sleeping well, eating healthy (edit: not really true, I eat a big dinner everynight as my family cooks but although I do sometimes eat other meals in the day I usually resort to junk food snacks) I just can't seem to get myself to do any of my responsibility no matter how great my intentions are. I don't think I am a lazy person, I think I am hardworking and an achiever. I no longer feel depressed/overwhelmingly anxious and I have been in relatively good moods day in and day out. I do the hard things like waking up, exercising to start my day and then when it comes to doing work I just can't and I don't understand why. I resort to binging youtube video's and scrolling instagram. Some day's my phone screen time has been 9+ hours. When I do get myself to sit down and start studying on the extremely rare occasion I often can't concentrate and will take so long re-reading sentences over and over again. My brain never shut's up and has so many things going on at once. I'll be doing something on my phone and then quickly switch between tasks or things I'm researching, relentlessly forgetting what I was doing or looking at 2 minutes ago. I also exhibit hyperfocus. For example, earlier this year I decided to learn programming and couldn't stop watching youtube video's on it and google searching. Pretty quickly I was able to make a simple game and I would wake up and immediately turn on my PC as soon as I woke up and would get so involved. Hours would fly be without remembering I haven't ate or drank anything. It was the first thing I thought about and the last thing I thought about before bed in fact keeping me up because I just couldn't stop brainstorming and such. Also it's so hard to just have conversations sometimes. I listen but I just get sidetracked in my head constantly. It isn't as bad with family and my girlfriend but it's there.
I realize this post is getting really long but just know I could go on and on with relating symptoms do adhd, mostly inattentive symptoms. So anyways, I have just been struggling with feeling like theres something stopping me from being how I want. I often sometimes act in a way that I feel like I am being immature but I know I am intellectually not. Day in and day out for the last couple years I've been trying to "solve" this issue of not being how I picture myself.
So I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and explained to him what I was going through... no longer depressed/anxious but not being able to complete any schoolwork or even get myself to glance at it most of the time. He said he wasn't completely sure and was 50/50 on me having long term undiagnosed adhd or just not trying hard enough. And I 100% am on the same page. He prescribed me ritalin for two weeks and will re-evaluate how I am doing then as well as speak with my family, report cards and adhd assessments. Well I started the ritalin today and I just can't believe how different I feel. I am more relaxed and can focus on one thing at once and what I am doing. I binged lectures and read over the notes I am all a month behind on. I don't have perfect concentration by all means but I am just able to do it without feeling like there's a concrete wall stopping me. My memory is much better and I am interacting so well with my family.
So that's all great but I am constantly worrying that what if I don't have adhd and just a terrible reward pathway due to never developing proper habits and giving into the bad one's like excessive drug use, junk food etc. It drives me crazy and I feel like I will never be able to understand what's going on with me. Sometimes I convince myself I'm faking all this and should just try harder but that dosen't agree with me when I literally just sit in bed/couch all day scrolling my phone and eating junk food. When I am doing that I am constantly aware I should be studying but that just feels like a mountain. I am so conflicted in my head and confused, the meds are great and are making me so functional, I am exactly how I want to be when I don't take them (maybe not exactly but pretty close). But they also scare me that I am further messing up my brain and reward system.
I feel like for a good portion of my life I have exhibited concentration and proper focus in school but I don't know if it's just my confidence with academics, an interesting enough subject and a good family support during upbringing that led me to succeed. I've also been raised to believe you are the way that you are and have thought I can power through any mental issues and find a way to make it work but if I have a legitimate disorder with my brain then I understand that being medicated is the correct route. Also it dosen't help that my family all disagree with me being on meds and probably view it as taking "the easy route". I doubt they even remotely think I have adhd which frustrates me a little. I also see a lot of my attributes in my two brothers and also wonder if they could have it to but yet my older brother is responsible and has no worries with that. My dad also had mental illness of some sort, no idea what, just know he was on meds for something.
Anyways I feel great on the meds right now and there was a 0% chance of me writing this extremely long post if not and I am even looking forward to getting back to studying! I honestly want to write more as I feel like I haven't come close to mentioning all the things that resonate with me through reading everyone's posts here. But I am sure you all got the message and if you read all of this you're insane but greatly appreciated. I'll probably think of a million things I didn't mention which will bother me. Regardless this is plaguing me. Thanks for your time.
Edit: What are other explanations I have such dopamine craving behaviour besides adhd? I feel so stupid about all this, I mean I'm not making this stuff up but what if I'm just truly not trying hard enough to get better. I drive myself crazy and can't stand this.
Edit: Gonna just write all the things I think of later here:
1. On meds today I felt capable of social norms without thinking of them of some strange thing im forced to do.
2. I feel like I often tell white lies to justify my impulsive behaviour, even to myself.
3. I was about to write something here and I completely forgot within seconds.
4. Reflecting back I feel like I force myself to be a certain way that I think I should be, but this doesn’t feel right. I rarely feel like I am just living and going through my day normally.
5. I am also extremely indecisive at times and that doesn’t help with making any sense of all this.
6. If I do have adhd the most sensical reasoning to this is that I have had these symptoms all throughout to some degree but now with the increased responsibility of adulthood things are now much more difficult. That and my increased self awareness sense high school has made me more aware of how I am. | ADHD |
I'm just a fucking 14 year old girl and I've bottled so much in for 5 years it feels like I'm cracking but thanks to my wonderful parents I appear to be completely fine and well raised in the surface. In my fucking head it feels like I'm constantly at war with myself I hate the fact that when I'm actually asked what's wrong I can't even begin to explain I don't know how or what to do | depression |
i can't really remember when i was diagnosed because recently it feels like ive been forgetting all my memories but i was diagnosed with ADHD, but i wasn't given any sort of help for it or anything to help me with it. so even at school, i had to struggle by myself and i still do struggle to this day. i feel like there's so much knowledge other people know and i just know the basics of everything. people know what they want to be and i don't. there's so much i want to explain but i don't think anyone would understand me... my ADHD has been neglected for years and its really getting the worse out of me, i think my mum still has the person who diagnosed me papers with her but I don't know what id do with it. can anyone just give me the answers on how they deal with their ADHD and what is the best thing to do with it? sorry if this is all a mess, im trying my best to describe it without people thinking im lying or something like that. ive hidden my ADHD from everyone and i really need help to understand it and deal with it | ADHD |
I feel a a bit annoyed with a friend about his behaviour towards me. He also has autism.
I often let him use one of my spare PCs (remotely) to play Steam games. So the game runs on my PC, but he plays it from his old laptop which isnt powerful enough to run most games. This is because his laptop broke, so he had to borrow an old one from his family.
When I first started doing this we were playing a game together, but he was continually ruining my enjoyment of it but ignored repeated requests to stop being disruptive. I temporarily banned him from my game and stopped his access to my PC, he wasn't interested in hearing an explanation of why I did this.
A day or two later, I reinstated his access to use my PC and connect to my game server. But wanted to explain to him that I didn't think he was being very gracious or considerate. I pointed out that he was using my PC, to connect to my private game server which he asked to join. So the least he could do is show some consideration about not ruining my enjoyment of the game, when I have told him several times that what he is doing does exactly that. I asked him what he thought about that, and he ignored me. I pressed him and the only answer he gave was "I'm busy" (playing the game). He continued to ignore me. This was in voice chat (VC). I was fairly annoyed by this as I thought it was pretty damn rude, and he was continuing to do what I asked him not to in the gane, so I temp banned him again. He immediately left VC.
He did apologise about being rude the next day, and asked me to reinstate his access again, in order to join a different game I was playing. Which I did. He was a bit if a pain still. Eg "him : don't shoot at me I'm just testing something"
Me: "okay, as long as you don't shoot at me, I won't "
*he shoots at me
*I shoot back
Him: "why are you being a dick, I said don't shoot at me"
Recently he started playing a new game with a mutual friend (also has autism). I don't have it, but I still let him use my PC to play it. He uses my PC to host the gane for the two of them. They are so into it, they basically just ignore me if we are in VC when they are playing it.
I have been a bit annoyed about how he messages me and says "can you turn on the computer" or "is the computer on" which I don't think is as polite as it should be. But today shortly after he messaged me asking to turn it on, the mutual friend then messaged me "game computer?" He was obviously asking if I could turn it on as they wanted to play together, but this made me feel like they feel so entitled to me doing them a favour, that they don't even bother to ask me *what* they would like me to do, when asking for the favour.
Quite a while later on I messaged him saying I was planning to shut down my computers for the night soon, so he could save and close the game beforehand. Five minutes or so later I checked the PC and it wasn't running the gane anymore, so I started some updates, and joined their VC on discord to say goodnight. He immediately started swearing about how I supposedly closed his game before he could save ( I didn't close it). He wanted to check if it had saved or corrupted, so he started it again and asked the mutual friend to rejoin. Then he just carried on playing like I wasn't waiting to shut down my PC. He even closed the updates I was working on. I asked if he wanted to save and close the game before I close it myself, so he did.
Do you think his behaviour is OK?
Is it fair of me to be annoyed with him about it?
Is it unreasonable to demand better?
How could I set boundaries? | aspergers |
Asking because I have experienced this myself and talked to my psychiatrists nurse about it.
She said many of the other patients with combined ASD and ADHD have reported the same and it is a thing that can happen when you treat your ADHD symptoms.
Was wondering if anybody else has heard about this phenomenon. | ADHD |
I have had panic attacks twice now at work. The first time, I was told to just think about something else. The second, the same girl told the line leader I was having chest pains, so he thought I was having a heart attack. (I'm a 39yo female)
I have explained to this girl I have PTSD, and I have now explained it to the line leader. Apparently the girl just doesn't get it. Especially having told me to "just think about something else." (My response was a bit mean and sarcastic..."Wow, yeah, never tried that before." I am finding hard to explain to people who have no interest in really learning about it. Thoughts? Suggestions? | ptsd |
Maybe these should have been two posts, but when typing the rant my actual problem came to light (job hunting) and the idea could be a solution to the rant (which is not the actual problem).
**Job hunting:**
I recently graduated my masters' study. After 10 years of studying, I'm finally done! Now I'm goalless and this makes my job hunt practically non-existent.
Someone has any experience with job hunting with ADHD? How do you determine what job you want? I have no starting point to get to what I want (becoming a teacher with a part time job at a company). Please help.
**Rant:**
As proud as everyone thinks I should be, I'm not. I don't feel proud and I only felt a rush at the moment of presenting my thesis and showing that I did something great. I'm not proud at getting some stupid pamphlet that people believe is worth so much.
**Idea:**
Can we please just remove degrees in specific fields and create something that shows your individual worth? Something like those bars you see in games (20 EC in programming courses, 20 in psychology, 40 in design: This person is probably good at user experience design). This would decrease the amount of niche studies (like mine) where you continuously have to explain what it is you do and it would be easier for people to see your actual qualities. | ADHD |
I was at work and this new guy sits across from me during lunch break, he starts to go on about some party he was at during the weekend, how drunk he was, and how he ended up sleeping with some girl at the party. Now, hes a nice guy, but i have NO idea how to react to any of this. I end up masking to the point where i just fake through this conversation in order to get it over with as soon as possible. I'm not interested nor can i relate to this in any way whatsoever, not only that, but i'm quite frankly disgusted by this behavior. This is everyday life for me. People will try to strike a casual conversation with me, and 95% of the time it's about something i can't relate to. I don't party, i don't drink, i don't like hookup culture, i don't like sport, i don't like movies, i don't like pop music, i don't like cars. And i could go on lol.
How do i stop masking to get through the day, when i'm not interested in anything people talk to me about? | aspergers |
It sounds dumb but I’m happy about it. I’m down from 3-4 times and occasionally much more if it doesn’t feel right. | OCD |
So as the title says. I can't eat regular food at regular times. It's been like this for about a few weeks. I absolutely don't have any appetite in the morning until the afternoon. The idea of food makes me wanna throw up. When I try to force myself to eat the texture, the smell and everything makes me sick. And at some point my stomach literally cramps because of the hunger and emptiness but I still can't eat, I'll take a few bites and then I'm like superfull.
Then I don't eat untill late at night and I get really hungry and my appetite comes back but I only want snacks and sweets. Regular food still makes me feel sick.
I do try to eat healthy but it's really hard. I haven't had a real healthy meal in weeks now. Also I find preparing the food like really hard. It's already a huge task to prepare food. And without any appetite it's even harder because I know I'm not even going to eat it.
Is this and ADHD thing? I don't know what to do about it and I really want to change the way I eat because I am starting to feel really unhealthy, my skin is getting worse and I'm gaining weight. How do I snap out of this?
Tl;Dr: I basically starve myself all day because I don't have an appetite and at night I keep snacking junkfood because normal food makes me feel sick. I don't know why and want to change my eating behavior. | ADHD |
I am finally starting to feel a little excited about my future for the first time in a long time. I started talking to a mental health expert this morning, and we talked about the possible path for me seeing a psychiatrist to discuss a possible ASD diagnosis, and then a few hours later I got a phone call back for a job I applied for working one on one with 3-5 year olds who have been diagnosed with autism. I am very excited about the opertunity to work closer with childern again, and be able to learn more about autism so that I can hopefully learn more about myself in the process.
Today has just been a very good day with a lot of avenues opening up for me. | aspergers |
Our sweet mini labradoodle was 14 yrs old. She was blind in one eye and losing her sight in her other eye. She had cancer all over her body. We had to do the humane thing and let her rest:( This made me feel like I was being sucked back in time. Shortly after my mom died by suicide, she had left behind her toy poodle of 14 yrs. She was blind, couldn’t walk and cried constantly. I had to make the decision to do what my mom couldn’t... I had to have her put down. She was the only living thing I had left of my mom. I’m physically ill over having to make this decision again;( I hope our doodle is at peace now. | ptsd |
I've been thinking about drinking bleach sometimes when I feel depressed. I tried asking my mom multiple times for therapy unsuccessfully.
In moments like these tho, all I can think about is the easy way out lying on top of that shelf. I had the realization I could just ingest cleaning products around a month ago when I was wondering about the ways I could end it. It's not like I'd actively do it yet, but I like to dream about it.
About a brave me who'd drink it like a champ and not feel scared of dying. Not feel scared of the aftermath.
Perhaps sleeping pills are easier for it, but I don't like to take pills. | depression |
Early last year I watched my dad die of brain cancer and was there at the end and it was horrible. Since then I cannot stop having horrific nightmares I wake up crying and am scared to go to sleep. I have anxiety every day and feel generally overwhelmed constantly. I live in a big city and am finding all the noises and people too much. When I go to the countryside its a lot more manageable - not sure if that's a placebo effect.
^(I tried seeing a psychologist she wasn't for me so looking for another one.)
**What other methods can I try and is there light at the end of the tunnel?**
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**I'm thinking of moving out of the city but don't want to uproot my family and find that nothing has changed. what do you think?** | ptsd |
Ive been getting tons of just flashbacks and anxiety while I’m at school and it sucks. I’ll be in class and I just start to dissociate and just end up having a full on flashback. I’ll end up having to go the bathroom and just staying there. Does anyone have any tips into controlling this? | ptsd |
I haven’t felt consistent happiness in years so nowadays, if I am happy it’s not for more than like 50 minutes. I look back at my old self and I’m surprised that I ever acted that way or did the things I did bc it just seems impossible to me now. I used to be a huge personality; so happy and so cheery around friends and often times, life would be bliss. But now, I hate it. Obviously, I would have bad days before but now it’s consistent sadness that I can’t get rid of no matter how much I try.
I’m very self critical; always thinking if people hate me or not and just constantly nitpicking parts of my personality and how I should change so other people would like me bc idk if it’s showing through that I’m this emotionally drained.
I’m just confused because I used to be so bubbly, funny etc but now it’s come to the point where I’m slowly distancing myself from people but they’d never understand. I’m almost certain that I’m depressed and I think I’m passively suicidal. No one gets it. I’m with people in school all the time but I’m still lonely.
I only feel the most happy when I’m at home with my family and my phone is on do not disturb. But the weekend is only so long and I have to return back to school with the same people, same attitudes, same negative environment. I’m sick of it all. I miss my old friends from like 5/6 years ago so so much but I’ll never be able to get back in contact with them. And the one friend that was the sole reason for my happiness is gone since we barely speak anymore. I see her at school everyday and miss the fun times we had. So much can change in 3 years, I never thought we would ever stop speaking.
I just wanna move towns and start a new life with new friends, new school, new surroundings. I’m wasting my teenage years, i shouldn’t feel this way so young. I just want to be happy. | depression |
Since I can remember, I always wanted to make out something from my life, I just didn't want to live a simple life. That changed. Changed a fucking lot. I dunno, I wanted to have a well-paid job, a good place to live and just living my life. Some time ago, about idk, 3/4 months ago, I felt like it wasn't going to happen and I convicted myself into it. Now I just want to live so much fucking simplier. I just want to finish my future college, have a simple job, a call center or a job as a cashier in a small store or something like this, live anywhere, it can be the strict downtown, small apartment on the outskirts of the city, just anywhere. I just recognized how few I need from my life, but now every choice that I made throughout my life looks like a mistook choice and I want to take another ways, but it just hurts so fucking much to put aside all the way that I went through to achieve what I won't. Additionally, even though I just turned 18, I don't feel like I belong to people my age, I don't feel like I belong to these times at all.
All of my life choices strike back whenever I think of taking another way in my life and that is so much fucking demotivating, it hurts so much. I feel like I can't control my own life. Also, the school problems where one, the biggest of them is the amount of absence since the beginning of the school year is just like a loop of mistakes, I don't want to go there because I have so much unwritten exams to pass, and if I won't go there will be more of this shit, and so it goes on and on. I think of changing the school to the weekend school and go to the work on weekdays, but I don't know, it's totally a different thing than the normal school, the normal life.
Also, my parents are almost divorcing now, whenever they meet, they argue so much that it's unbearable, my dad had to move out even though it's his house, the whole story is just so fucked up I can't do anything else than overthinking it all.
I'm just scared that I will not know what to do, get so much fucking lost in my life that I will think that putting it all to rest will be a good idea. I'm already getting lost, but everyday it's just worse and worse.
What am I supposed to do? I just, I just fucking don't know.
Sorry for the chaotic language, I can't put a single sentence in my head. | depression |
I was diagnosed with clinical depression but I feel like I have ADHD too. A friend of mine that I am living with has been diagnosed when he was young. So we have very, very similar habits, but there are also huge differences. I have times when I can focus hard without trying.
I was told by my psych that it has to be diagnosed when you are younger(the diagnosis system in my country) and I never showed any ADHD tendencies then.
It only happened after I was diagnosed with clinical depression. (Also I was in rehab for meth before for 3 months. I used it for 1 month) and that I do not need to get tested, but I can if it will make me feel more at ease.
I was also told that my ADHD tendencies stem from my anxiety rather than the condition itself. Does anyone here know what I am experiencing or know anyone who has the same experience that I could talk to? Thank you! | depression |
I need some help! I’ve been taking adderall for about a month and a half now. I’ve started to notice my Sex drive be suppressed. It’s still there but not as strong as it was. Does Adderall effect this? How can I prevent this from happening without stopping Adderall? Adderall Helps me in a lot of ways but I don’t know if I want to continue taking if It means no sex drive! | ADHD |
So I'm ADD (medicated) and strongly suspect I also belong somewhere within the autism spectrum.
I feel like my brain is constantly scanning and processing analytically to try and be as efficient as possible in almost everything I do in everyday life; kind of like my brain is constantly like that maths meme from the hangover movie or like how the POV shots of robots rapidly processing binary numbers.
Constantly taking in various factors and analysing and evaluating cause and effect; "If I do x it leads to y", "It would be better to know the result of y before I get around to x, so I should chase up y first", "It makes sense to do these tasks in this order because..."
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* Say if I'm driving a familiar route, I'll have particular aspects about it memorised (e.g. get out of the faster lane before I get past x because it gets blocked off by traffic), processing how much room/what speed I need to overtake and get into a better lane position.
* If I'm on a date, I'll be taking in what I'm seeing/hearing from her and comparing it to consistencies from previous experiences to help guide how I should proceed; e.g. "Her facial expression/body language is telling me x, I should do less of this/more of this as that has been consistently the right choice to make based on past experiences"
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It's not in an anxious way or even a conscious way, it just happens by default. Sometimes it's very helpful and other times it can be quite exhausting (e.g when driving as it becomes a mental effort). | aspergers |
Like I see him trying to present an image of himself and I see the obvious flaws and missteps in his masking approach that i would have caught after a week. But he holds onto these flaws for months and months
And when he’s in some interviews you can tell how awkwardly self absorbed he is. And its like “i know exactly what you’re doing and where you’re coming from, but you are not coming off as you want to. Stop trying to finish that story, nobody cares. Yo, this guy thinks you’re an ass but you think ur coming off as relatable”
he’s gotten more objective things done but his interpersonal skills are lacking and its weird to consider i may be slightly higher functioning than a billionaire | aspergers |
How do you guys cope?
I have HOCD among other types of ocd (contjnuously get triggerred into thinking im lesbian when i see girls on tv for example) and i keep avoiding sexual contact with my bf. It terrifies me, if his touch is slightly uncomfortable to me i immediately freak out and dont continue.
So my question is, how do you manage to keep intimacy with your partner? | OCD |
I’ve felt unwanted my entire life. My mom had me because she was raped by my father, my father by blood who I never knew. My mom left me with my grandma when I was 3 or 4 years old. I never had that affection from a mother that a little boy needed. I had a grandpa that provided, but he was a raging alcoholic. I remember one Christmas planning on going there for presents and instead he crashed into the side of someone’s house drunk. I would be so little asking why he “drank so much juice” I had a lot of sadness. I was really skinny and bullied for it, punched in the stomach by people, called names, beat up. I finally moved back with my mom who was struggling previously with a cocaine habit. I. fact there were multiple times she’d ditch me with my little siblings to go do lines, and I wouldn’t hear from her for almost a couple days, wondering if she’s dead or alive. She was aggressive, would fight with my stepdad and one time got me good in the jaw. I was always the one doing the chores, cleaning after her horses, and being the household slave while still paying rent. My stepdad only paid for her school and not mine, and they still charged me rent. I finally left but the damage was already done. Mom always emotionally abused me, gas lit me, guilted me. I was constantly rejected by women, and never had really anyone romantically. I’ve messaged people on here, but nobody typically responds. The last girl I texted said she only gave me her number bc she was put on the spot. I don’t honestly know what to do anymore. My brother has always been the cool son, and she has always respected him more. She never abandoned him bc she had his dad in her life. I’ve felt outcasted by my mother, but lately I’ve felt outcasted by everyone. For those of you that i’ve reached out to over chat, I really needed someone in those moments and it wasn’t an attention grab. I have horrible mood swings, where one moment I am hyper and happy, the next I want to die. Things aren’t easygoing for me, and my life has led me to feel this way about myself. I just wish someone could talk to me, or have compassion bc I feel utterly alone and unwanted by the world. | depression |
I have daily anxiety as a result of PTSD I was on citalopram for four years and it worked perfectly but then after having to stop it due to pregnancy and then going back on it it stopped working. My doctors keep recommending depression/anxiety medication even though every psychiatrist and psychologist has said I dont have depression its purely PTSD anxiety, whats the best PTSD Anxiety you have used? looking for recommendations, thanks in advance | ptsd |
So a few days ago I decided to finally go to the doctor to see if I had adhd. Told him a bunch of symptoms and that several family members in my family also have adhd. Then he just gave me prescription?? Is that it??? I'm so confused. He told me to contact him again in two weeks but nothing else. I thought the process would be more intense?? I'm not even sure if I can afford the pills in the first place and I don't want to be accidentally taking the wrong stuff. Idk, before going to the doctor's I was so sure I had adhd but now im second guessing myself. I can't stop worrying that I just convinced myself that I had adhd and that if I take the pills I will only get worse. | ADHD |
I sit here in the house with my boyfriends “family” (I say that because its complicated) and I feel completely alone. I'm in a room of 4 but yet no one will talk to to me or acknowledge me, every word I say is background noise that someone would prefer to ignore, and they do. I wish I was in darkness, not even that I was alone I just wish I wasn't real that I’d never experience this again but I will and I do. I feel hopeless | depression |
I was in an abusive relationship at 18, and then his best friend stalked me for two years when I moved away. Sometimes I think I’m no different than them, that I’m just as bad, if not worse. | ptsd |
[talking about why I'm so weird]
-Maybe it's my Aspergers.
-What is that?
-A type of autism.
-Ohh come on, you're not autistic!
well thanks, I'm cured now | aspergers |
So I stayed up until 1am each night procrastinating on anything else, not allowing myself to have fun because and barely getting any of what I was supposed to do done.
Fucking soft deadlines suck. My brain knows its soft, doesn't fucking care.
I hate having obligations, accountability and strict structure, but without it I don't do anything I'm supposed to do.
Trying to go back on Meds, 5 months wait to see the psychiatrist...
I just want to bugger off and live in the wilderness or something until March. | ADHD |
21F. I gossip with my mom sometimes and we can be super judgemental. So I have this guy friend who has a private Instagram on which he posts pictures which are little weird. Like he posted a picture of him in a coat which his side naked. Like you can see his side and tell that he isnt wearing underwear. Now all this is super artistic and model type. However it is an exclusive account. I have no idea what I was thinking but I showed my mom the pic and we gossiped a bit and we also spoke about how he looks like he could get into modeling. Now I feel extremely guilty. Pls help me. | OCD |
Am I just hella naive in thinking that people don’t really threaten lawsuits/restraining orders? I used to think it was just me lol, but it seems like these threats are like happening many times a day hella to people. Idk I think of people that threatened me 2+ years ago and still get scared of them going on a whim and filing lawsuits after threatening me. | OCD |
Hello,
I’ve been struggling with severe OCD intrusive thoughts about hurting my fiancee for a while now. I am not a violent person and the thought about hurting the woman I love disgusts me. These thoughts have been damaging my sense of self and the relationship I have with her as I fear that at one point I might “give in” to them.
I kept denying them. Wishing them away. Knocking on wood or violently shaking my head to get them out of my mind. I hated myself so much that I even considered suicide. But then I did some reasearch online.
Apparently your brain likes it when you deny it the thought and will keep coming back to hit harder and harder. When you accept the thoughts the brain will stop trying to send you the same information again and again.
And so I tried that today. I accepted the vile thoughts my brain was trying to send me. I just accepted them. And then I felt relieved. The sense of relief that I haden’t felt in months of dealing with this crap. It was almost like a sense of euphoria went through me. I felt cured. I could now hold my woman in the arms without fear.
But then a dark thoght emerged. What if I am actually conditioning myself to accept that I am actually a monster? Capable of unspeakable evils? What if I gave in and would actually do the things at one point?
I don’t want to hurt anyone. All I want is to live a long and happy life with my future wife. But I am also still afraid. Why did I feel so relived in accepting the thoughts? I felt happy once I’ve accepted the thoughts and they went away. But how could I feel happy when accepting such thoughts?
Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Any advise will be strongly appreciated. | OCD |
my mom always says me and my siblings didn't get along and the other day she told me one time she had to lock me in my room and i told my siblings i was going to kill them. i've never threatened to kill anyone before and now i'm stuck on this and my brain is convincing me i am a psychopath | OCD |
They say it is good let your feelings out and that it makes you feel better but when i cry i feel worse for days, i dont understand. | depression |
It's becoming harder and harder for me to sleep at night, especially when it's so quiet that my mind just won't shut up. It almost feels like falling asleep is too boring so I need to scroll on my phone to keep entertained but I'm TRYING TO SLEEP??
Yup so.. does anyone have their own strategies that actually work? Drinking milk or tea wont work for me because I will definitely get up again because ocd :)
Thanks! | OCD |
If I wasn't so dead to feeling, I would be scared at how fast everyone has abandoned me after they've seen me on a day where I can't hold my symptoms inside. Even on days where I'm just a **little** less energetic than I usually am, everyone is just, gone. | depression |
Had friends and hung out with them a few times...ended up having a meltdown and now we're no longer in touch. Just had a meltdown with my mom and sister, quite literally the only people I have in this life and I'm just feeling like I'm am meant to be 100% alone. I just need to be okay with it. | depression |
Took one good shit and it felt nice and now I can't get it off my brain | OCD |
Welp, I'm still looking for a therapist to help me and still not successful but I've been actually been good with regards on not giving my thoughts any reaction but then i get a sudden sense of despair and think
"what if you're just trying to hide this" or "you are a bad person" and i get anxious and wanting to cry but then i regain a bit of my composure and I'm fine like nothing's wrong
I'd say i have pretty good memory but it's just my thoughts/rumination make me think whether i did something disturbing and weird and my mind gives in. I know that's feeding into the ocd but it's honestly so freaking hard and i try not to panic so much
And with this whole memory thing it's honestly made me loose confidence in my actual memory so I'm even more upset 😭😭 | OCD |
I know it’s my anxiety and whatever but the last few days I have been having anxious physical feelings - upset stomach, cotton mouth, etc. Just that lingering dread feelings that I hate. Of course wearing a mask all day at work doesn’t help. | OCD |
Hi all - I just started dating someone new the past few months. I genuinely think this is someone I could fall for (me 30 F, him 39) and be with for the long run.
However, I cannot stop thinking about how his house is a bit messy/dirty to the point I’ve shared with him that I cannot stay there anymore. I don’t just think about it when I’m at his house, I think about it all the time. He’s not a hoarder or anything (really just bachelor habits) and he’s personally very hygienic but all I want to do is clean and organize his house. I feel like it’s too early to do that but I don’t know how to stop thinking about it all the time. I think because I know this could be real, how could I live with someone in the future who’s not as clean or organized as me!?
This is about my compulsive thoughts, not necessarily compulsive cleaning habits. I personally have a clean house but it’s not like super over the top sparkling clean.
Am I alone in this!? Rant over. | OCD |
I have a big issue with obsessions and hyperfixations. I have a lot of special interests. Most of the time, they’re not actual people. But I’m also very lonely, and my friendships are very short-lived, so I have a tendency to quickly latch onto them when I make a new friend and can accidentally be overbearing. I cling onto that one person cuz I’m just so relieved to finally have a friend. Is this part of Asperger’s? | aspergers |
Hey.
If you're not cool with self-harm discussion, probably shouldn't read this one. There's also one mention of suicide stuff.
So I've been around here for a bit now, and I've honestly been struggling for many years.
I was diagnosed in 2006 with OCD, GAD, and Depression, which was all complicated by what I would later learn was a little bit of childhood trauma, which was ALSO all complicated during my high school years with what was eventually going to become religious trauma.
Instead of putting more of my trust into the medical people I had been working with (though to be fair, one of them was not that great), I was instead putting all of my trust into evangelical christianity. I'm not here to talk badly about anyone else's beliefs, but I can say with certainty that my personal experience made everything much worse. I most likely have what has been referred to nowadays as Religious Trauma Syndrome.
The mix of severe religious beliefs, religious OCD, and regular OCD makes quite a self-destructive cocktail.
I was 18 when this stuff truly hit the fan, and I just turned 33 yesterday. I'm sad to say I'm in a very similar state to what I was back then, the only real difference being that now I'm an atheist who claims to no longer believe in god, the supernatural, and so on, in spite of the fact that I still spend a substantial amount of my life in fear of those things.
Observing my own day-to-day OCD, it ranges from religious OCD, morality OCD (believe it or not, I see a difference in some of my incidents between religious and moral OCD), driving OCD, reading OCD, and most likely some others as well. I'm starting to understand that the OCD infects literally every single aspect of my life.
Every. Single. Aspect.
Anything that goes wrong, and arguably even the things that go right, the OCD has a hand in all of it. It's becoming a bit of a running joke to blame the OCD for literally any of my issues lately, and it's funny because it also appears to be true on some level or another with each case.
I'm writing tonight because back when this all began, I had a brief stretch of time where I would actually hit myself in an effort to... I don't know, I guess "snap myself out of it." I don't know. It didn't work, of course, and later I would understand this to possibly be an example of self-harm.
I'm not sure if it counts towards that, I've never had the desire to cut myself nor do I understand why or how someone would, but I'm certainly physically harming myself when I strike myself in an attempt to wake myself up out of this shit, so... maybe it's related. Who knows.
Well, tonight, I did it again.
Tomorrow's something of a long day, long trip ahead, going with my mom as moral support for some doctor stuff for her, and I guess I kinda got it in my head that I refuse to let the OCD fuck up my days any further. I refuse to write another fucking OCD incident in my phone notepad, to be discussed later (which appears to be the main compulsion).
It's also worth mentioning that my new therapist, who I just started with a few months ago and have already had two weeks off from *twice* due to scheduling conflicts, noted that I have developed another thing called thought-action fusion. Occasionally, if I think something, I fear I may have done it. If I think about screaming at someone being rude in the store, I fear I may have actually done it. And thanks to the OCD, it feels real, even when sometimes it's hilariously impossible (such as when I fear I've hit someone while I'm in the shower, alone, at home).
Basically, while folding laundry, I suddenly snapped and slapped myself in the face a few times, followed my basically punching myself in the thigh a few times.
A bit of time went by, at which point I was flooded with all sorts of horrified thoughts.
The star of the show was this: "did I hit mom just now?"
Mom wasn't in the room. I was. Alone. I slapped myself and slammed my fist into my thigh multiple times. And that's all that happened.
And yet, the thoughts continued. "Oh my god, I hit my mom, I'm a monster, I'm never going to be normal, I should be locked up," and so on.
Again, she's not even in the room.
So now I'm just kind of sitting here. Thinking about the list of OCD things I still have to cover with her or with *someone* before I can take them off my list.
"How many times have I left a fly in the car on a hot day, I've killed insects in such a brutal way." "When I made a close turn that one time, did that other car hit anyone/anything? Would that have been my fault?" "If I parrot a meme/joke that could offend the person it involves, am I contributing to bullying, even though they may never actually see what I myself just said? Am I putting negativity into the world?" "If I'm not perfectly polite toward literally everyone, could I end up being a factor in someone's suicide?"
To name a few.
The plan for tonight was actually to try to move past everything already written and to start here.
Right here.
No more, as of now.
And you can see how well that worked out.
TL;DR my new psychiatrist wants me to call my insurance (hahahahahaha) and ask if they'll cover Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and gene testing. I think the gene testing is supposed to help in figuring out which medications my body *might* respond best to, or something.
Has anyone had experience with either of these things? Are they helpful? Is there *any chance in the fucking universe* that my shitty state insurance is going to cover either of these things? | OCD |
At the moment I keep getting upset about small things and no matter how I try to distract myself and ignore the feeling it keeps cropping up and distracting me from work. The things I get upset about vary but the feeling they generate in me is usually the same and always results in a nagging feeling that I'm a bad person and a ne'er-do-well and shouldn't be focusing on my work. Does anyone know how to focus when you have this or OCD/obsessive compulsive tendencies in general? | OCD |
Ok am I was just laying in my bed thinking and idk if anyone would relate to this but I think I’ve finally found a way to explain how my brain works through a long analogy (oh how I do love my long convoluted analogy’s)
Oh so imagine you have one of those half circle tables the ones shaped like a rainbow, and you get two of them and your sitting in a chair in the middle. Almost like a doughnut. And all of my relationships and interests and thoughts are represented by sheets of paper. Now once in a while I start from square one a brand new table with nothing on it, slowly I place papers down in an orderly fashion the papers closest to me are important to me and I go around and around placing papers until it’s full then the craziness starts I have to start overlapping the pages because there is not any space I start with the things on the outer edge of the circle and move to the center until pretty much everything is overlapping. Than I repeat over and Over and over again until somehow there are pages sacked everywhere I can’t even find which is which I start to get anxious and overwhelmed until I reach the breaking point papers are falling off and I just have a moment of clarity I decide “ you know what fuck this” and I push all of the pages onto the floor throw them away and start the whole process again. | ADHD |
I have wanted to write a book about autism for a long while now, I may end up doing it a may not but this is a start. I wanted somewhere to share a few thoughts so i thought what better place than here.
​
In some cases autism is a disability however in many cases it is simply a difference in ability that society is unwilling to facilitate. The average person is facilitated, and pandered to through the media at a sufficient level to feel willing to trade their time for money in the form of a job.
People with autism aren't facilitated in the same way, while often being bullied, belittled and negatively judged to such an extent any benefit that would be gained from employment wouldn't be worth while to them on an individual level.
The amount of stress, pain and general suffering caused from not having a job or any form of earning can often be comparably less than the amount of suffering, stress and pain that may be faced while being employed even with the monetary benefit of employment. Due to sensory issues, communication issues on both sides and the above mentioned forms of judgment which make working within society more challenging for people with autism.
The role of a society, an organised system, is to facilitate the people within. If the system does not facilitate and accommodate any individual to a satisfactory level, what would drive the individual to go out of their way to in any way facilitate society.
When any society is no longer of satisfactory benefit for a large enough number of people within the society, they rebel in various forms using various levels and methods from slight to extreme, depending on the number of people perceiving or proving a lack of benefit, or to the extent of the peoples mistreatment, with the end goal of force what they see as positive change to occur.
Many people use the stance of hard work and pulling yourself up by your boots straps. Though the benefit from pulling ones self up often isn't sufficiently beneficial to warrant such action, or it may not even be beneficial at all to do so.
If it is of enough benefit for you personally to pull yourself up by your boot straps, why judge people negatively for making a different choice, when the system you are within may be better designed for you to take part in than it is for someone else. This act of belittlement only makes it harder for people to take part.
Personally I believe there needs to be a change within society where society is more willing to facilitate a wider range of people. Especially when society asks for the labor and time of the people it is not willing to better facilitate. This goes for a wide range of people, not just those with autism.
I am willing and looking to find ways to make change within society and I will always work hard in doing so. However I am unwilling to work hard for a system that doesn't attempt to facilitate me and often attempts to belittle and break me down as working in such a system would only perpetuate them same issues that negatively impact me and make them more common for others to face.
I don't want to only highlight the issues within society I want to put forward feasible methods of making change that will be beneficial for society. A society that facilitates a wider variety of people allows a larger number of people to work effectively and efficiently towards the improvement of society with the result of the people that make up the society living more happy and fulfilling lives while working hard and keeping high levels of productivity.
​
Let me know what you think of my words, any comments, opinions, feedback or criticisms would be appreciated
(Also as a side note I use the term autism rather than any other term because I am from the UK and the diagnosis now only uses the term autism and autism spectrum disorder with the subcategories of ASD 1, 2 or 3. The use of HFA, aspergers or any other term was removed both for clarification and due to negative implications of terms like HFA) | aspergers |
I’ve had chronic depression my entire life. Recently my depression and anxiety has been through the roof due to college. I’ve always blocked out things that make me stressed by squeezing my eyes shut or lightly smacking my forehead but lately it’s gotten worse.
I can’t help but tense my entire body and/or yell out “Fuck!” Sometimes this happens almost like an attack where I just can’t stop until I distract myself. I try to control myself around my friends but I can’t help it. They say it looks like I’m in pain. It’s to the point that my body is so tired from tensing up, my muscles are sore. I tried looking this up but can’t find much on it.
Has anybody else experienced this or have any advice on how I can stop this behavior?? I’m just exhausted. | depression |
I'm interested in these internet personality tests. Some people say my type is very accurate due to test. I got "INTP" result.
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test | aspergers |
I am due to fly from the UK to France and I need to take my medication (Concerta XL 36mg) with me. Do I need to put it anywhere specific? Are there any rules/regulations I need to follow? Do I need a doctors note or paperwork?
I haven’t flown since my diagnosis and this has just been dropped on me last minute. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. | ADHD |
I simply can't stand It for some reason.
When I watch a youtube video or listen to music, whenever my parents or brother walks in, I instantly mute my volume and switch tabs to any mundane website such as a job search page.
Anyone else do the same thing? (Sorry for my english) | aspergers |
I was so tired and wanted to sleep but started obsessing over little things.
"Omg my room is too bright my birds won't be able to sleep" I tried to brush it off. I'm still afraid of the dark at 19yo and over the years I found the perfect compromise that would allow all three of us to sleep in peace but my OCD decided that's not good enough. So I woke up my birds by making so much noise while shutting the blinds and closing the closet door in a way that would bring some light into the room but not too much.
I layed down and started to fall asleep and.. My sister came in to ask for something. I asked "did you let the cat into my room?" she said that she didn't... But my OCD still forced me to check every corner to see if he's there, which is unreasonable because this attention seeker would proudly announce his arrival..
Okay, back to sleeping... My bird sneezed, he must be dying. Fuck. Yeah, he's sick but sneezing isn't one of his symptoms and it doesn't mean anything. But I still had to check if he's okay like three times..
Then, as I was lying in bed again I started having intrucive thoughts about my boyfriend's forehead.. | OCD |
Hey there,
I'm undiagnosed and just joined. But I think I'm an aspie because... it just explains so much.
The one thing that's the most difficult for me is, I can't deal with noise. When I'm in a café, I can only understand the person sitting next to me, if I'm focussing enough. I don't understand everyone else, and every sound just fades into noise. It's like listening to the sea rushing the shore. Sitting in the kitchen while my roommate is emptying the dishwasher can be overwhelming. Sometimes I get exhausted and dissociate, loosing all spoons on the spot. I feel like a burden to my friends, when asking if they could please lower their voice.
My employer sends me to a congress now to do tech support. I'm afraid that I might have a breakdown when it's loud (this happened a few times before, but not at work), people rely on me. I already use earplugs sometimes but I can't wear them all the time because they're uncomfortable and customers might feel offended if they notice. I've talked to my therapist, but she has no idea what's wrong with me. I have normal hearing for my age and don't suffer from tinnitus, and it's okay to listen to music or to watch a movie, I don't have problems with \_every\_ loud noise.
There are other sound-related issues. For example, I don't notice people talking to me when I'm in hyperfocus.
Do you experience this too? If yes, how do you deal with it? | aspergers |
Over the past two weeks, my OCD has manifested into an intense fear of developing illnesses, particularly terminal ones. This is a new type of obsession for me and my usual strategy of asking myself “where is the proof of this?” doesn’t work because I will connect the tiniest physical symptoms to a myriad of terminal diseases. Does anyone know the best way to deal with these kinds of obsessions? These are the worst thoughts I have dealt with in a long time. | OCD |
So, I'm 51 (ok, genxer), and I've been unmedicated for a few years. I mostly smoke stuff/drink coffee for the hippy speedballness of it all.
I started working with a psych doc a few years ago, but became overwhelmed at all the scripts he threw at me (mostly bipolar meds, some were physically painful), though I loved the adderall ofc.
I was going through my stockpilled meds recently since I needed some amoxicillin for a bacterial infection (getting old is gross, don't do it). I came across the Clonidine and decided to take one each morning as per the instructions.
Holy shitballs: I've gotten so much accomplished, I kinda can't believe it. I'm relentlessly knocking out project after project without starting new ones.
It's primarily a blood pressure med (hey, I could maybe use that too; I like to cook (read:eat, plus pre-geezer)), but was prescribed to me for the ADHD, and it's knocking that out of the park, maybe better than the baby meth stuff.
Anybody else have any experience with this? | ADHD |
I had talked about my diagnosis and instead of consolation, I was met with "perfectionists make the world go round!" and how my OCD could "come in handy with daily tasks" and it really deflated me.
I have Pure-O, too... My rituals and compulsions aren't the thing that make me suffer the most with this...
I know it was a harmless positive spin on things and they were compassionate enough to listen to me talk about how I struggle with it later on, as well as asking questions about it, but I just found those comments to be so dampening in the end...
Anyone else been told things like this? What other annoying comments have people given you in response to your OCD? | OCD |
Sleep makes youre forget your sad. Then you wake up like fuck, now i gotta deal with my negative thoughts and constant feeling of emptiness, yay | depression |
Normally my heart rate stays below 100 bpm while resting on meds so a small increase into the mid 70s or 80s wouldn’t concern me. However, I’m finding myself with a heart rate of 135 bmp as I’m just sitting at my desk (maybe stressed about my schoolwork and finals?) so I’m wondering if anyone has some advise for me to help calm down and lower my heart rate to a more normal resting rate.
I’m 25F normal BMI and have been living a more sedentary lifestyle since the pandemic but I’ve started Vyvanse well after this lifestyle change and I don’t normally find myself experiencing tachycardia while just sitting on the meds. If anyone has any advise or experiences to share please do! I’m kinda freaking out over here. | ADHD |
EDIT: okay for some reason the third paragraph was first... sorry about that!
So, I am training as an actor (musical theatre mostly) and while I consistently get feedback that I'm very talented, the other thing I hear, ad nauseum, is that I'm not "telling a story" and variations of that. People tell me I'm not "conveying the humor" of a song or things like that. Or they'll tell me to "get my body into it" (I'm fine at expressing emotion with my eyes, but not with my body) or that I'm not "grounded" or "I need to see the journey on your face". Blah blah blah. And people tell me I'm too stiff but can't offer a single actual step I could objectively take to address that. I just come across as stiff. No idea why, even after watching tons of video of myself. I just do, especially when dancing. Technique-wise I know what to do when dancing but it just doesn't look very nice when you watch it. I use my breath well and am physically very flexible so go figure.
Also - hand gestures and arm gestures when singing - forget about it lol. I just look like a robot. I'd rather just stand there and show the emotion only on my face. Anything else feels - and looks - fake and contrived to me. I don't have a problem with actors just standing there while singing - in fact, I think it looks less unrealistic than people making lots of gestures while singing, because who gestures when just singing to themselves in real life lol? - but I'm always told that's bad (it's uncomplementarily known as park-and-bark, which I begrudgingly admit is quite funny). Basically I think what it boils down to is "you need to appear neurotypical". I think part of the problem too is that I'm a girl. I never heard of anybody having a problem with Anthony Hopkins mostly acting with his face. But people expect girls and women to be more animated.
All this even though my autism rated as mild on the tests and I'm "good" at masking. I can only imagine it's even worse for other people.
Argh! It's so frustrating. Does anyone have any tips/experience to share?
Thank you! <3 | aspergers |
First of all english is not my first language, so i'm sorry for any misunderstood. Today I had an online presentation for uni and my bitch ass professor didn't think it "alligned with what she envisioned", so I will have to do it all over again. I cried a lot because of that (not in front of the class thank god). Coudn't stop crying, don't really know how to explain it, but I think it just downed on me that I really hate that I have to go through all this or else I won't be able to make a living, have to get up and do stuff or else nothing will be done and nobody cares. Kinda wish I had a choice not to live like you have a choice on which clothes to wear.
Don't know where this is going, just know I have a headache and my face is sore from crying but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day, I just have to get through it. Wish I could choose not to. | depression |
I'm in the process of testing if I have inattentive ADHD. But it feels like imposter syndrome all the way despite recognizing myself in a lot of the questions that relate to ADHD.
Like there could be a lecture or someone can talk to me and I am able to pay attention. Or I could study and pay attention. The issue is more that it requires a huge amount of concentration and it can be exhausting. But I can do it. And that isn't including stuff that I can super focus on, like reading a book I like for hours or spending hours down a rabbit hole of something that interests me. On the other hand, I can't watch a movie or series alone without doing something on the side. I can easily be distracted around conversations when it's not important enough to require full focus. Like anything I don't deem important enough to spend a lot of energy focusing on, I can become distracted from. Boring things, distracted.
Which makes me wonder if I am just fooling myself into thinking I have ADHD. I don't really understand where it's normal or where it's ADHD. | ADHD |
Prior to starting Ritalin my anxiety has been fairly well controlled on lexapro. I’ve noticed since starting Ritalin I do feel a slight increase in anxiety (which I know can be common) when my meds first kick in and then again as my first dose wears off and my second dose kicks in. I do have one cup of coffee in the morning after my first dose but I’ve noticed it doesn’t seem to matter even if I switch to decaf.
I plan to bring this up with my Dr next month for her opinion but just curious if others experience this and/or anything has found anything that improved it. If you switched to a different Med did you still experience it? Did switching to a sustained release or extended release version help? Cutting out all caffeine? Did it go away over time? | ADHD |
I (22M) have been struggling with school results since high school. At the end of primary school in the Netherlands, you get a test to determine the difficulty of high school. I got the maximum score, so I got put in the highest grade of high school. Trying to study was hell, and my grades reflected that. I barely made it through my first year, I had to redo my second, and had to switch schools to go to a lower difficulty. At the new school, it was the same story all over again. Highschool took me 8 years, and I barely got trough on the second highest level.
Then university came along. 2 years of uphill battles against myself and my brain, and didn't even finish half my first year. Now I'm studying computer science at a level lower than uni (I think that's the equivalent of college?).
I got talking with a friend of mine about 3 months ago. She has ADD and Aspergers, and after a while of talking and seeing a lot of comparison of our mental states, she told me to try and get a diagnosis.
That's where the fun began: I had to book an appointment with my doctor for a referral. She was on holiday, so I had to go see another doctor. He was in training, and could barely help me (He was downplaying everything I said, and basically just told me to concentrate better). He then told me I had to make another appointment with the mental health support person of the doctor's office. She was great, and helped me a lot with getting my referral, and looking for a good company for diagnosis.
After I got my referral, I had to make more calls to get the appointment for diagnosis. Waiting time: 19 weeks. Appointment: 28th of February. Need to call my insurance now, to get 'waiting time mediation'. It wasn't possible to get an appointment sooner. Needed to call the diagnosis company again. They put me on another waiting list, for if others can't make it to the appointment etc.
It's been 2 months of appointments, calling and using online tools, and it's still not gotten me anywhere. I just want to get diagnosis and I just want to get some help. Please... | ADHD |
I've messed up every single interview or presentation I've ever done. It doesn't matter how much I prepare, I just can't work under that kind of social pressure. I also lost my last friends 18 months ago, so it's been a long time since I've been able to practice social skills.
I got an invitation to interview this week with a company who explicitly said "if you have a monotone voice then don't bother showing up." That was from an employer who are recommended as neurodiverse-friendly. This is something I'm trying to work on but I can't afford private voice training, don't have the privacy to practice and my NHS CCG doesn't cover S< for adults. This kind of attitude seems common for such a competitive field, and it's making me feel like I have no chance.
I'm starting to think it might be time to cut my losses and change career again. I have a master's degree and my academic background is in maths, physics and data science, though I'm confident in my ability to learn whatever is needed on the job. The upside of depression is that I'm not particularly uninterested in anything at the moment, because there's nothing interesting to compare it to.
Any suggestions? | aspergers |
Hey there y’all. It’s recently been suggested by my loved ones to get assessed and turns out I’m a “high functioning” Autistic on the Aspergers side of things.
I’m a 37 year old American and live in Japan where I’m a homeroom teacher for 1st graders.
I always wondered why I’m so incredibly stressed by this job, and why I feel levels of anxiety that those around me don’t seem to.
I have a stress/anxiety-related emotional or functional shutdown at least once a day, but fortunately have learned to mask it until I can lock myself in a dark room to recharge.
I also have used my emotional and mental turmoil to teach my kids that feelings are raw and vulnerable things, and they’ve become more empathetic since I’m open with my mental needs to them. (Without revealing my condition to them, since Japan has a very rudimentary and limited approach to mental health)
That said, this is the most stressful job I’ve ever had and I have no idea how I do it everyday.
Let me hear from other aspie teachers! Experience, struggles, commentary, brainhacks, suggestions, whatever! | aspergers |
Hi. 14M here, and I have (or suspect I have) POCD. I am terrified of the possibility I am a pedophile, and plagued by thoughts that I am (or will be) a pedophile. It all started with a sexual thought about a 12yo boy (I am bisexual) that escalated to thoughts that I have some sort of paraphilia.
Here's the thing: I am convinced I am only attracted to girls my age and older (though I still get some intrusive thoughts about girls under my age - I am able to dismiss them though). With boys though I am not sure. Though I am definitely primarily attracted to boys my age (14 - 16), I am scared that attractions to 12 year olds could be real. Maybe that is even normal, if they are in puberty - but what if it never goes away as I get older? I just don't know.
This puts me in a weird position. I understand that you are supposed to let the thought pass, accept it is stupid and ignore it - and that has been mostly effective I think - but what if it could be genuinely real? I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to accept it or keep telling myself it is OCD.
I have no idea how I would go about telling this to my parents, let alone a therapist or doctor. I have exams this summer, then a holiday, and I am anxious I won't be able to enjoy or focus on anything.
Thank you | OCD |
I have been trying to get diagnosed and treated since July. I've seen two doctors and two therapists. This fourth practitioner literally gave me a 30 minute pep talk and scheduled me for next week. Cause yeah, my life must be spiraling because no one thought to give me a pep talk.
I didn't even make it out the office before I started crying due to how hard I'm trying and how little progress I'm making in treating something that's already stolen 41 years of my life. When I got home, my grandma gave me a speech about how I'm just spoiled. And I have hate in my heart for not wanting to talk to my dad who molested me as a child and I should just cure my ADHD with prayer...
So yeah...long day... | ADHD |
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