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Does this kind of thing happen to anyone else? I'm a plumbing apprentice and I'm working on new construction on a job site. My foreman pulled me from what I had been doing and put me in charge of cleanup (scrap material off the floor, organizing material, rearranging storage to be more ergonomic, etc.) And I got it all done in a day. He was expecting me to take at least two. For some reason, for that 8 hour shift, I was like Marie Kondo if she was covered in construction dirt and wearing a hi-vis vest. But whenever I'm home, any organizational skills go down the drain.
I was able to independently build a new organizational system on a chaotic job site, but I can't figure out the most effective way to sort my laundry. It's the most frustrating thing.
Can anyone relate? | ADHD |
anyone else feels like no one will ever understand them and that everyone sees them as a freak, cause of their ocd? hell even my brother doesn't understand me and he used to have it too. like he called me sterile or something like this and i said "dont act like you didn't have it too and don't know what it feels like" and he said "yeah i did, but it seems like you're going in my steps and repeating my life, difference is yours is way more severe" but like in a mocking way. i do get comfort from my best friend, but i know she doesn't understand how it feels, she just listens and makes me feel comfortable. like if my brother who had it, makes fun of it, what's left for everyone else that just sees my compulsions, not the obsessions. | OCD |
I have/had C-PTSD from a variety of childhood issues related to family stuff (not sexual assault, just my dad being an incredibly strict guy who was an active duty officer in the military and possessing a disturbing and obscene sense of discipline, and my younger brother being a violent, undiagnosed bipolar person with an OCD/autism related fixation on knife collecting, and little hesitation about trying to stab me over stuff like who ate the last poptart.) I saw a therapist for several years and eventually developed coping skills that were helping me be consistently better every day. I felt and saw improvement in my life, albeit with some struggles. My therapist was diagnosed with a terminal illness around the time I stopped seeing them, which was over a year ago. I felt fairly equipped to deal with life on my own terms.
​
Around November of ast year, someone I, at the time, consider my best friend, had a severe mental breakdown, and gave me \*several\* death threats, and then proceeded to tell some less than accurate and extremely unpleasant anecdotes about me to some of our mutual friends. I was bothered but not seriously upset about this and honestly hoped him the best. I decided I would move on and just focus on my college academics more seriously than friends in the future and begin investing myself in a serious class schedule for the spring semester of this year.
This last February, in an event that parallels the only other post I made on what was intended to be a throwaway account, I witnessed a drug deal in a bad neighborhood. A stranger, who was out on bail form the municipal jail for less than 24 hours for a violent assault, driving a stolen car, and smoking meth, started a car chase with me that progressed into me being forced to shoot him in self defense after he brandished a gun at me. For reasons unknown to me (although my lawyer suggested it may have been mental health related) the DA declined to prosecute him for this, and he was released on what I have been lead to believe is his own recognizance. As you might imagine these events seriously derailed my ability to focus on college and at this point I've basically dropped out. As a result of the shooting my car was destroyed and also seized as evidence in the shooting and while I was fortunate enough to be loaned a car by my parents, my parking permit for UAA (the college I attend) was in the car that was seized. The university issued me a parking ticket while I was using the loaner car and I can't see my grades for that semester until I pay it off. I tried explaining what happened to the "parking office" and was told I would have to pay the parking ticket off before I could appeal it. I don't currently have the money to pay it off, which is part of why I wanted to appeal it, aside from the obvious.
I recently started the only job I could get, as a clerk in a liquor store in a neighborhood near where I shot him in self defense. It pays ok, and the hours aren't awful, but I find it progressively more stressful. I started my job in late July and due to paperwork stuff they don't expect to pay me until AUG 21st.
My first few shifts were fine, but lately every day I go in I feel the faint voice in the back of my head asking me what I'm going to do if something similar happens again. My workplace has a fairly strict policy against carrying concealed weapons, but I feel like I am incapable of normal function without one.
I've also felt like I've started drinking more since I started working here. It might be that every one of my coworkers is a serious alcoholic (what else to do with a near 25% employee discount?) but I am concerned I am drinking too much and am not sure what to do.
To top it off, my current goal is to quit this (kind of shitty) job and eventually join the military to do some kind of SOF. I've been trying to meet my workout goals but I was recently in a minor car collision that resulted in a concussion and shoulder injury that greatly hampered my ability to actually work out. On top of that, the gym I have a membership has had full on closures due to COVID-19. I've mad due with pushups, pullups, and situps until recently, started trail running to make up for the lack of treadmill time, but I have relatively serious allergies to \*some\* local plants and it's been making me miserable.
I've been feeling very depressed lately, and I'm not sure what I should do. I don't think I'm really asking for advice, as much as I'd appreciate any that anyone had to give. I think I just needed to get all of this out for a minute or two. | ptsd |
I have a very addictive personality and the recent times in my adult life I’ve had ADHD meds prescribed to me I end up snorting them(plus makes pp not work which sucks). They really do work for me, but I can’t seem to control myself.
My symptoms are worse than ever, I can barely focus on anything. I am seeking therapy, but I’m scared of meds.
I don’t like coffee and energy drinks are nasty.
How do y’all manage? | ADHD |
I can't tell if this is my intuition telling me that it's wrong and don't do that or my ROCD. I'm not feeling anxious and not obsessing that much for a month now. Unlike before when I'm feeling super anxious and obsessing to the point that I consider myself lucky if I reach a day without anxiety or obsession. So here's my issue, whenever I think about our future like having a family, I always have this kind of feeling in my stomach like my stomach just literally dropped then followed by fear and I feel like deep down I knew I don't want to have a family with her. Please help me because she's the only one whom I want to have a family with but that feeling inside me tells the opposite 😔
Edit: I'm not in a therapy nor having a proper medication. I just let myself torture by my ROCD then I woke up one day that I'm not having anxiety and not obsessing that much anymore. This made me scared. I don't think its anxiety anymore, its more like a fear. | OCD |
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've been thinking more and more about suicide as my relationship with my GF + Job starts to eat away at me. I don't want to kill myself but having something else end it all for me would be greeeeeeat. | depression |
I honestly don't know anymore. Maybe I'm just being dramatic. | OCD |
I work from home and I set my own schedule, so I have no outside incentive to go to sleep or wake up at any specific time.
Because of this, my natural sleep schedule has drifted overtime to the point where I’m basically nocturnal, and now that it’s winter I barely see the sun at all.
Which is bad because I also have really intense seasonal depression, and being able to see the sun is really important to mg mental health
But I keep hitting a wall trying to change my sleep schedule because I know that any imaginary rules or boundaries I place on myself are just that, imaginary. I’ve tried setting bedtime alarms but I just ignore them, same with wake-up alarms.
The problem isn’t my ability to fall asleep (although I struggle with that sometimes, too), it’s that I can’t make myself get into bed or get out of bed at a set time that would be healthy for me.
I also struggle with work/life balance because I can’t hold myself to a set work schedule and just kind of work on and off all day until I get my work done, so I kind of feel like I’m on the clock 24/7 and I’m super burned out even though my actual work isn’t usually all that demanding.
I’m really struggling with my mental health and I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to try to fix this? How do you set a schedule for yourself that you’ll actually follow without the benefit of outside structure? Does anyone have any techniques they’ve had luck with? | ADHD |
Am I missing something? I have sexual intrusive thoughts and I avoid masturbation because it feels tainted from them. | OCD |
Before my (22F) first OCD episode, I was so independent. I was looking forward to moving out, living with my friends, moving to Asia and starting my own life separate from my life here in the US. Now that I think about that stuff, I am afraid. My first thought is that I’ll be without my parents and their instant support and that terrifies me. I feel like I’m using them as a crutch but they’re like a safety net when my symptoms get insanely bad. It sucks because I still want to move out and actually live the life I want. I’m just afraid I won’t be able to handle myself when I do. | OCD |
I keep worrying my partner is going to cheat and leave me, I wont be able to cope..aswell as someone is going to take my dogs away from me.
I know my thoughts are not real .. as i use that as a mantra but it doesn't always help.
My dogs are well cared for and healthy ..I have lived on my own before, I just don't know how to deal with my thoughts and feeling anxious
I constantly worry my partner will meet someone at work and leave me and i will have to move home... i actually think if my relationship doesn't work out. ..I won't ever date again as I am tired of feeling on edge in relationships.
Does anyone have any advice | OCD |
According to Non Ocd Sufferers, “Just don’t think about it” Is The Magical Cure for Ocd | OCD |
Hey all,
I've noticed that I have a very tough time with weekends. I work from 9am-6pm during the week and I find this structure very helpful. I find weekends very challenging because they are very unstructured. I have many things I want to get done, but I just oscillate between each. To a certain extent, my issue is one of prioritization since I can't decide what to do or what to start on. It's also an issue of starting a task, since I can't tell what's most important, I can't easily commit to getting something done; all of the alternative things to do are still swimming in my head as the thing I \_actually\_ should be doing. Any advice for helping me make the most of these unstructured days? | ADHD |
I (F17) was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 8 years old. I was very bubbly as a child and energetic to a point where I would get in trouble for being so ‘much.’ This wasn’t really full on class clown stuff because I was too weird to have friends and also because I lived in a very small town with the same old boring people. I just thought I’d give some backstory because for some reason I feel that I needed too.
I have always made up paracosms (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paracosm) as a way to experience my excitement in different ways. They make me happy and magical.
I’ve always longed to feel a sense of magicalness within myself and have always wanted others to understand that feeling but can’t express it as we don’t all share my mind.
Has anyone else ever felt this? | aspergers |
It’s funny when you realize the people that want to help are the patients……. | depression |
I frequently have episodes of derealization with my panic attacks, where everything will feel surreal for some time, but I still feel attached to reality, as I'm aware of what it is. Yesterday it was quite a bit different, the feeling of surreality was genuine, I wasn't aware of what it was. I was on a walk and I felt like I wasn't in control of my body and I just wanted to keep walking, I was a bit dizzy, walking felt weird. When I looked at lights, rays seemed to bend in weird ways. I kept seeing patches of shadows that weren't there. When I finally managed to walk back home, I looked at my apartment (I live on the 15th floor) and had a strong urge to throw myself off because in my head I believed this experience to not be real. I don't know what that was. It was one of the strangest and scariest feelings I have ever experienced. The feeling hasn't gone away completely either. | OCD |
Basically I’m planning on killing myself if certain things don’t work out the way I feel like I need them to and nobody in the world is either aware of it and if they are they don’t really believe it’s going to happen/take it seriously.
My PTSD (probably C-PTSD) symptoms first started happening 5 and 1/2 years ago after me and my ex girlfriend broke up. It probably wouldn’t have been possible for me to develop PTSD symptoms from that if not for the fact that I grew up being violently abused by half my family and coldly abandoned by the other half. My ex girlfriend was the first person I ever had in my life who ever truly loved me and she was the first person in my life I was ever close enough to that represented a real “family” to me. But she also broke up with me suddenly to get back together with an ex that was abusive to her.
Since like April 2014, I have felt completely incapable of loving anyone, having feelings, just being attracted to anyone on a basic physical level, etc etc, until about a year ago I reconnected with an old friend of my who was somebody I also had strong feelings for back in the day. She was the first person I ever dated and the first person to ever have feelings back for me the same way I did for them. She’s always meant a lot to me and I’ve always felt some kind of unexplainable inherent connection to her.
We hung out a few times and I realized that she was the first person I had felt capable of loving or trust since me and my ex broke up. We hung out off and on and she’s acted kind of strange and was sort of come and go. We talked about that and sorted it out and we’re fine friends and all....
But basically, I want to be with this person more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I feel like this is the only thing that could ever make up for me losing my ex girlfriend. But I genuinely love this girl and feel I strong connection and attachment to her. The problem is, I’m almost certain she doesn’t feel the same way. And even if I talk to her about how I feel about her, I don’t believe she’s going to tell me she feels the same.
I have been alone and in pain my entire life. I am sick of my whole life being about managing the pain I’m in and being alone and hoping that one day for some inexplicable reason it’s going to end.
I haven’t felt this way about somebody in over 5 years. I don’t think I will feel this way about somebody again if it doesn’t work out. And if it doesn’t I am totally prepared to kill myself. I don’t want to do that, but even more than that I don’t want to continue living a life like what mine is. | ptsd |
Just starting to get over my year of health anxiety and now I’m spiraling into an OCD mess as a result because apparently my brain doesn’t enjoy the quietness of not having anxiety around. Lately I’ve been memory checking ALL day and trying to convince myself that what I did during the day or the day prior wasn’t real even though I remember things. Now I’m obsessively memory hoarding and questioning whether things occurred to me or not just to make sure I’m not going schizophrenic or having psychosis. My memories just don’t feel real and in turn, I start to feel like I’m not real. It’s not that my brain is creating false memories and convincing me they’re real, but it’s convincing me that my real memories never happened and thus, I’m insane and I keep memory hoarding as a result. Would this be considered false memory OCD? | OCD |
Lately I’m a ball of anxiety and flashbacks. Looking for some resources (see title) that might help? Things tend to get bad first thing in the morning and at night before bed. | ptsd |
It’s 3am and I’m struggling to genuinely think of the possibility of hope in my life. I thought I was doing okay. I went on FaceTime with my friends to catch up with each other. They have it all.
Path to a good job, romance, beauty, intelligence, humor etc. And yet here I am- an absolute waste of a human being. I hate myself. I wish I was smarter.
The worst part is that I still wish to wake up in the morning because there’s a voice that tells me that is hope. I hate myself. | depression |
Does anyone have any weight loss/ maintenance tips for someone taking Mirtazapine 45mg with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)?
I was over weight but losing weight then I was put on Mirtazapine and it’s just been gains. I’m struggling with increasing my frequency of eoroouts due to extreme joint and muscle pains. I have spoken to my GP about my concerns but the Mirtazapine is helping with my mood it’s just the other stuff that’s the issue right now. | depression |
So for over a week the left top side of my head has been hurting. Over time when I became more obsessive about it I now feel dizzy, and it felt tingly around where it hurt. My mom look and said there was an infected hair in the general area of where it’s hurting. But now that spot is still hurting plus the right side of my head and sometimes both of my eyes hurt faintly as well. I also need glasses which doesn’t help the dizziness and eyes. Does this sound like something serious or am I gonna be ok? | OCD |
All this worrying of turning gay for months feel like I really affected myself with it and I can't stop it. I'm scared. | OCD |
This is a shot in the dark, but does anyone else here have the Alpha-Gal allergy (allergy to mammal meat and mammal by products as a result of a tick bite)?
I do, and it makes finding medications I can take very difficult. Most meds often contain gelatin, lactose, magnesium stearate, or Stearic acid to name a few. Those are usually (but not always) mammal sourced.
A simple gelatin gel cap wrecks my whole day and potentially sends me to the ER.
I’ve started on a generic version of Adderall IR (can’t do extended release due to gelatin) and have not felt great. It has Stearic acid and I’m wondering if that’s the culprit. Have to wait till Monday to call the manufacturer and find out.
Anyways, IF you have Alpha-Gal, are very sensitive to it, and successfully take medication for ADHD, id love to know what you take.
Vyvanse is out as it does contain mammal, and there is no generic.
As for any Vegans here, if this news of animal ingredients in meds is new to you, I’m sorry. But please take your meds and don’t feel guilty. | ADHD |
Started as a conversation worried for me and ended up as just giving me a list of things i did that upset them. And i feel like a dick because some of the things i don’t remember, and some of them i do remember but it feels like suchhh a cop out to just be like “i have adhd those are literally because of my symptoms”. I’m in therapy and I’m doing my best but i also went through a break up like two weeks ago and my mental health has been really bad and i really feel like they could have brought these things up as they happened rather than writing a list to present to me. Im just sad. This is most likely the beginning of the end of this friendship. I already lost a long term friendship earlier this year. 2021 sucks even though im doing my best | ADHD |
My therapist started working out of state so we cannot see each other anymore. Today I had to call a new therapist and schedule an appointment. The moment I hung up, I just felt dead. I’m laying in bed, trying not to cry. Therapist “break ups” are so hard. I’ve never had one before. He was my first therapist and he really really understood me and helped me. I wasn’t sad after our last session, but now I’m so empty and so tired. | ptsd |
At least for me, I just show my empathy different than a NT would. Yes it is hard for me to see other perspectives. But I’m not a sociopath, I’m not like Sherlock Holmes. I just have a different brain. That doesn’t make me a lesser person. | aspergers |
\*my trigger is food\*
So, in a previous post I explained how I can't eat in front of people ([link](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/pncri2/i_cant_eat_in_front_of_people/)). It all begin when my SO asked me to go out with his parents for dinner some days ago. I started panicking and I kept feeling like I was obligated to go, at first I told him I didn't feel comfortable and after some hours of crying and hurting I explained to him why I can't eat out and that it's exponentially worse if I'm with other people. He asked me some questions and I think he understood my choice, he left me some time to think about it and asked me again yesterday night. I told him no again, going to dinner with them would have made me have an episode, but telling him no made me hurt as well. Plus, he then told me that his parent are now concerned about me being mad at them, which is absolutely not the case. It made me feel sooo much worse and I told him to not guilt trip me (I felt like he didn't respect my boundaries). He then explained that I made them feel bad (both him and his parents) and that he wasn't guilt tripping me but I needed to know how I made them feel.
Now I can't hold back my tears and I can't stop thinking about how they'll hate me, how my SO will get frustrated and will break up with me. I feel like a fraud, because like, in three years I've never told him. I've always just declined almost every invite to go out with his friends. I don't feel like this is a valid trigger, I'm afraid I'm just making this up to avoid life and social events. I feel like I'm making this up. I said "no" because I'm a spoiled brat and I deserve the pain it's making me feel. I mean, who does that? (besides people who are actually showing this kind of symptoms)
This is making me go insane. I don't know how I should feel... it just hurts. | ptsd |
Hi! I found a similar post on this subreddit but it'd been archived, so I took the liberty of writing one for myself, because I'm very curious.
I used to have extremely strong hyperfixations all the time, and when I felt one was dying down, I'd soon pick up a new one. This hasn't really been the case for the past few months (maybe even the last year). I still have interests but they're normal, and they don't consume my thoughts all the time. I feel sort of empty and lackluster without it but there's not much I can do. Is anyone else experiencing this? Do you know why?
tl;dr: i dont get hyperfixations anymore, can anyone relate? | ADHD |
Hello all so today started off normal, until I had a thought about that I some how, in my mind, cheated on my GF of almost 4 years. NOW let me clarify I did not cheat, no way I could be able to do that or even consider doing it to someone, let alone this important person in my life. So with that being said the thought and the guilt as if I had done this is driving me insane. I know I didn’t so this is my OCD… but anyone have any advice to get through this episode? Ways to maybe help the thought and feeling pass faster. Get rid of this fake guilt… | OCD |
have constant thoughts about eating disgusting canned tuna or food like tuna getting in my drink and me gagging on it and ruining someone pants or shirt ec | OCD |
I just went to my grandparents house to see my grandma and other family. My grandpa (who abused me) was there and he put his hands on my shoulders. I thought I could handle being there today, I thought I would be okay. I was wrong. I was sent back in time reliving moments I wish I could forget.
After I left, I couldn’t talk to my mom, I just shut down. I was supposed to go spend time with my dad today but now I am in bed alone and crying. I feel guilty because my dad enjoys spending time with me and I only see him on the weekends.
Both my parents know what happened and I texted my mom telling her what’s going on since I wouldn’t have been able to speak to her without bursting into tears.
She’s talking to my dad for me but I feel like a bad daughter. I feel guilty for not being to be strong enough to get through this and still spend time with my dad.
It all just sucks. | ptsd |
Hi r/OCD community. I recently wrote an article outlining my journey with OCD. Obviously, I know that content and stories like this can be triggering for others but my goal of writing this article was to tell my story about OCD and hopefully help others who are suffering along the way.
Here's the [link](https://stephen-kay149.medium.com/ocd-a-brain-on-fire-8adde91e9531) for those interested. I think that my article is a little non-traditional in the sense that it delves more into some of how physical health deterioration can cause OCD and some of the physiological undertones behind it, and doesn't focus as much on the psychological side of OCD. | OCD |
What were some coping skills that you or others may have used in place of repressing your emotions? I had some pretty traumatic times in my childhood that I have recently made a point to kind of "face head on" and made more of a break through In dealing with than pretty much ever before. While this has resulted in a surprising flow of happy emotions and general positivity that I haven't felt since I was a young child, on the other side of things I am having a lot harder time dealing with day to day stressors and anxiety. I am having way more flashbacks and it makes it really hard to focus. I spent all night last night having dreams related to past trauma. Basically, all emotions just seem way more intense. I was reading about something called "blunted affect" and it seems pretty accurate to how I have lived the last decade or so of my life. Just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar circumstance, and how you went about essentially reprogramming your coping mechanisms? | ptsd |
Hi, Everyone! I hope you are all well. I'm writing wondering if it's worth it for me to get tested. I'm pro-meds and pro-therapy, I just don't know if it will benefit me specifically. I am as certain as I can possibly be as a non-doctor that I would be diagnosed as someone with ADHD. I exhibit enough to warrant a diagnosis, but I also function pretty well. I'm a 32 year old female teacher and am damn good at my job. I've had it for 11 years. I am not worried about losing it.
I am currently taking Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression. My anxiety is in a fabulous place right now. My depression is not. I'm extremely tired all of the time. That is also because I'm also grieving the loss of my mother. Perhaps that is making me pay more attention to everything related to ADHD in my life. Everything is 400% harder to accomplish when I am grieving. Being over-stimulated easily certainly doesn't help.
This is my first year back in the classroom after teaching virtually for a year and a half. I forgot how constantly stimulated I was. Little kids are amazing, but they are not patient. They ask questions when I'm talking to other people already. They make all sorts of noises. It's really distracting! Sometimes I wanna pull all my hair out. This is all normal, and was definitely distracting before, but I think I'm noticing it more because teaching on Zoom is pretty darn different. Plus, the kids are all a mess due to the lack of structure for the past year and a half. They have to learn how to "do school" again. (not knocking em, I know it's normal... But that doesn't make it easier for me!)
Noticing how much I am distracted makes me wonder if it's worth exploring. I get crap done. I'm stubborn and work my butt off to reach my goals. I find myself in the hyper-focus/flow mode often enough that I can perform tasks needed to survive (work, cooking, hygiene, taking care of my pets, etc.). I think I have pretty good coping mechanisms. My mom taught me so many things as a kid that really helped. But I'm exhausted and cry on weekends because I feel like all I can do is recover on the couch. I'm not doing things I like because I'm too over stimulated to be able to. I'm not feeling rested after sleep. I forget what I'm saying while I'm saying it sometimes. Managing time is hard for me. I have no sense of it. I lose my phone every damn day. I binge eat. I withdraw. I am overwhelmed and get irritable.
Maybe I'm good at masking? Sometimes I hear about other people who can't hold onto jobs or relationships and it feels like I am being overly dramatic. I have a good life.
I'd love to hear your input. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and any insight you offer. 💜 | ADHD |
Every so often I see someone posting a terrible experience with a psychologist not believing them and dismissing Adhd on their first appointment or after only a few. I was diagnosed by a neurologist and thought that this was the norm. I honestly believe that if your psychologist dismisses Adhd you should go see a neurologist. Or better yet, if you think it's Adhd, visit a neurologist first!
I may be on the wrong here and please let me know if that's the case but Adhd is a complex condition that has to do with the functioning of our brains and it seems to me that psicologists aren't the right Doctor to go to | ADHD |
This year has put a lot of things into perspective for me. Including family dynamics, issues, and more. I’ve decided to leave home, so that I won’t be anyone’s problem anymore, I won’t be the superhero people confide in, I won’t be the witness to pain and trauma and arguments that never needed to happen, or have to pick sides on people I love. I guess in a more poetic way I am exiling myself, because I’m sad everyday. And I’ve been wanting to disappear for a very long time now, both for forever and awhile. The weight I’ve been forced to carry isn’t fair and maybe I am a fool for thinking things will change if I leave. Along with the escape, it’s way of saying sorry for the things I have done too. The only way I know how to show how sorry I am is to leave, and I’ve debated which type of “leave”.
I’m not going no contact but I’m becoming unavailable. It’s a little lonely. But I should be used to that by now | depression |
i had a nightmare (idk if i’d consider it a nightmare i don’t really have them often) and it started off weirdly mundane and then as soon as i got in the car with my family we started arguing, and one of them mentioned my trigger to use it against me. obviously i stopped and started panicking, and another family member saw this and mentioned it again, and they started laughing and kept doing it until i was literally screaming in the dream. i woke up and immediately started crying, and it felt like when i get triggered in real life. i found it really weird? just wondering if anyone has experienced being triggered within dreams and also specifically like this | ptsd |
My psychiatrist introduced me to meditation with a course of neurofeedback therapy. To me, it was like meditation turned into a video game. Like meditation with training wheels and steroids at the same time.
With continued and dedicated practice, I began experiencing deep and profound mind-states. Clarity of insight and intuition, extreme time dilation, visual auras. Best of all, a deep sense of equanimity.
It’s made me wonder if the sensitivities of autism spectrum can confer special natural abilities in meditation, if cultivated correctly
Anybody else enjoy meditation? | aspergers |
I'm just wondering if some of you guys experience this too, and would that be an obsession or a compulsion? I feel like it's both so thought I'd ask for opinions :) | OCD |
I wake up and think about all the things I want to get done today, I take my adderall then just end up pacing around or playing on my phone while still thinking about how I want to get this or that done (clean house, finish projects etc) it’s like my brain wants to get going and feel accomplished but I just can’t get started. If I do, I’ll end up stopping mid task. I’ve wasted so much time. I just want to snap out of this but how!? | ADHD |
The fact you’re even thinking about it shows it’s OCD!
What comes naturally doesn’t need thinking about 👏🏼 | OCD |
One of my worst symptoms of PTSD is hypervigilance. If I'm fueling my car or getting some snacks at a store for example, going into the corner store, navigating the crowd, keeping track of the noises and standing in line while listening and keeping tabs on \*everything\* going on around me is not only the perfect recipe for a panic attack, but it also draws unwanted attention from mostly suspicious workers.
I walk in and scope the place out as quickly as possible and try to keep my eyes down and avoid eye contact, but I've been told that although I think I'm not looking at people my eyes jerk side to side for a millisecond, so I imagine I come off as an incredibly shady person. I'm awful at going with the natural flow of people in stores, I can never predict correctly how people are going to move and I can't easily flow through it like everyone else does, so that's just one more way I make myself stand out like a sore thumb.
The worst part is that store attendants come up to me and block whatever I'm doing to "ask" if I need any help. The amount of urgency they say it and how intensely they stare makes me question their authenticity, I'm 75% sure its because they're mistaking my nervousness for shop lifting, and it makes me feel really hopeless. All my friends who are loads chiller than me say no one ever talks to them in stores, so I've decided it has to be because of my issues. I'm wanting to know, anyone else have this problem? | ptsd |
ive been struggling with IOCD for the past few days ive been having terrible thoughts about my nother who i love dearly i just want them to go away. it feels like im living a dream i just want to wame up from if i could go back to a few weeks ago when these thoughts weren't here i would. fuck this i hate myself for having these thoguths they feel so real but i dont want them to be i want my life bac k fuck OCD FUCK IT | OCD |
I have social anxiety, anxiety, misophonia, and depression. I consistently score pretty high on asd tests and can relate to some experiences people have with it. The problem is, I don't know if it's asd or just my combination of mental issues coming together to resemble it. As a kid I learned to read very young and was above my grade level. I never initiated friendships because I didn't know how to, and I apparently didn't make eye contact with people until my grandma taught me how to through repeated corrections. Now I have trouble making eye contact because it feels invasive. I always had sensory issues that I think all kids have like issues with socks being on wrong and stuff like that, and my misophonia didn't really develop until 5th or 6th grade, but I think I've always been one to notice small sounds. I used to watch youtube videos on how to tell if someone is lying or how to read people's body language and I tend to over-analyze body language and behavior which I guess means I don't instinctively understand it? Sorry this was so long, I'm just wondering if this sounds like asd or just a normal childhood. | aspergers |
I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD-C around the beginning of this year. One of my oldest friends, whom I met in middle school and we are now in our 30's, is the jealous type and is super needy when it comes to attention, from men in particular. I've always thought in the back of my mind that she probably has BPD. Now that I've told her and a few of my other friends that I'm autistic and have ADHD, she started posting all these memes about ADHD and talking to people constantly about how she gets sensory overload and tries to educate them about autistic traits as if claiming she is autistic, yet describes things that I nor my other friends with ADHD/autism can identify with. She has also never been to a therapist so she is self-diagnosing based on memes and info on tiktok alone. I feel like she constantly has to compete with me (and every other female friend to a lesser extent) for attention and this is just another thing she is somehow jealous of me for.
Keep in mind that she has never had any empathy for other people and used to always pick on me for being "sensitive" to noises and smells (she would literally say I was "so sensitive" all the time with a sneer in front of other people like she was trying to put me down and embarrass me for being bothered by things). Now she's saying she is overwhelmed at a restaurant because she can "hear the ice cubes melting."
I talked to her about the past once because she was kind of distant in high school and I always felt like she hated me secretly. I tried to finally bring it up and she said, "Would you have liked you back then?" Idk she's just very harsh sometimes, but can be so nice other times... I saw her the past two days and felt like she kept making jabs at me, but then I think maybe I just can't tell when she's joking or not. Why are people so confusing?? | aspergers |
nobody actually fucking cares. my closest friends don’t. my family hates me. my teachers think i hate their class. not a single person gives a fuck | depression |
So when it came to my sexuality, I always used to be very secure, initially when I was young I thought I might have been straight, realized that no i'm a gay dude and then was completely fine. But then when my OCD which probably went untreated for years before this realized that sexuality was something that could possibly stress me out. So then I started having intrusive thoughts of "Oh you just wanna believe you're gay but you're actually bi/straight" which freaked me the hell out. But I feel like i'm so insecure about my sexuality now, it doesn't help that I deal with hypersexuality from other things but I feel the need to constantly assert my gayness because I am paranoid that my OCD thoughts are true and other people somehow know that so I have make extra sure they know i'm gay.
Can OCD cause insecurity? | OCD |
Don’t know why I am so unhappy. Actually I do. The sad part is that I even know the solution but I keep feeling weight down by everything and can’t seem to move | depression |
You try to have confidence in what you know you wouldn't do but you stumble, and you fumble until you find a wall; something that you know bothers you and makes you feel terrible about yourself, and in the act of leaning against that painful, unhealthy barrier, you manage to get some sense of perspective. It's certainly not good where you are, but at least you're not in freefall. | OCD |
Does by one else diagnosed with both of these have overlapping things? I have a OCD compulsion/obsession where I ask my family members repetitively if they are mad at me and I’m constantly worried that people are mad at me. Part of the reason I’ve realized is I have problems reading some facial expressions and my brain often interprets peoples resting face as them being upset/angry at me. Does anyone else with these two diagnoses or people who have multiple neurological/mental disorders relate to this? | OCD |
Found out yesterday that my dad’s kidney is at its worse than before. I forgot the diagnosis of it because my mom didn’t tell me very clearly but yeah. Even though I don’t have a close bond relationship with my dad, I still love him. He has been suffering from type 2 diabetes since he was in his 30s (according to him) and his health is declining almost every few months and it’s honestly scaring the living bejesus outta me. I’m not worried about the worse case scenario so far but it’s honestly still kinda bugging me here and there. | depression |
Hello all! I'm Dean (23 male).
My doctor's appointment today is via phone for my schizoaffective disorder. Since he knows me well, I'm going to ask him his honest opinion on whether I may be autistic. I have spoken to a counselor about my symptoms and he used the term "high-functioning autism."
I wanted to know your suggestions and or tips to prepare for my upcoming appointment - what's it like?
Thanks! | aspergers |
Hi :)
For context: I had in 2018 my first romantic relationship with a person with anxiety issues, drug addiction and alcoholism. He broke up with me to go into rehab after a short time of relationship. I had a small mental breakdown because of this that led to therapy. It was a great experience, I faced my issues (I had a lot to connect with someone like him), healed my childhood traumas, etc. I really loved him and that's what moved me to get better, thinking that he broke up with me to get better himself. I was going to do the same and I did. Then, after a few months he contacted me again, he was sober, but still had a lot of issues for what I could see. We were in contact on and off for a few months. until I decided that wasn't healthy anymore and I wanted to move on. We had a very toxic dynamic. So I blocked him and didn't heard of him for a couple months.
The thing I'm asking advice with is about a situation that happened next. He found a way to contact me and asked to see me. I gave in to curiosity and the feelings I still had for him and agreed. We were good, we were talking and I told him that I just wanted to see how he was, but I didn't want to get back in a relationship with him or be in touch whatsoever. He took a second and responded: "Well, I just wanted to talk to you because I've decided to commit suicide and I wanted to tell you you're the only person I've loved in my life".
Idk if you can tell, but immediately an alarm went off in my head: this is blackmail, manipulation, or at the very least a form of revenge for what I said. Even so in a matter of seconds I chose to be kind. I love him after all, and I saw him as a damaged lost person rather than some monster or despicable human being. I chose to take him seriously (I read somewhere that is what you should do in any case), I didn't judge him, nor I pitied him. I held him accountable for his decision; I told him that if that was what his decision and I wouldn't think less of him if he killed himself, but that there were other options and that suicide is rarely the best option in any situation. I handled the situation the best I could.
Then I explained him how he helped me grow (like I explained at the beginning). That I moved on in the past trusting that he would be ok, and I wanted to be ok too. He cried and hugged me. So far I was doing ok, I wasn't panicking or anything.
Then he tried to kiss me. And all the knowledge that the whole situation was probably a manipulation and my confidence shattered. As I saw him approaching, I could only think "You can't say no, or he'll kill himself". That's the moment I let the fear in. And I played along for the rest of the afternoon. As I left, driving my car, I couldn't help but scream to the top of my lungs. I was trapped in the thought that I had to play along or he would hill himself.
For the next days it went on like that. I'd go spend the day with him and returning home I'd feel terrorized. He went to see his own therapist from rehab, and with that and what I said was enough for him to ditch the suicide idea.
It took me 5 days to finally tell him that I felt very scared of rejecting him, but that I still didn't want anything to do with him. He was much more stable then and took it calmly and accepted it. He had to leave the city after that. I made my boundaries clear, wasn't a victim about it and took responsibility for my mental state. All good. I don't mean to make him sound like a monster or anything, I knew what was going on and I just failed to hold my own inner state. He has his own issues and in any case he's gone.
The thing is that after 2 months I still feel like shit. If I pay attention is like there is a voice shouting "you killed him" non stop in my head. I've been experiencing depression symptoms through this time. If I purposefully remain alone in a room sitting without distractions, I just begin to cry and scream. I'm not an expert, but I believe that was a traumatic experience for me. I don't know what should I do. I had a session with my T and it didn't helped. I already know what I need to hear: that it's not my responsibility what others do, that even if he did it is not my fault, that I didn't deserve that, etc. I remember how to tell myself what I need to hear from my past therapeutic experience. But the thoughts don't seem to be getting through. I'm super scared of he coming back and me having to reject him again. Even though I already know what I would say and do in such a situation, I can't stop feeling scared and stressed everyday. The fear of losing him, being blamed for his death, legal repercussions, guilt, and self-deprecating thoughts are also present in my mind.
Any recommendations?
tl;dr
An ex threatened to kill himself because I didn't want a relationship with him anymore. It was terrifying and stressful for me, but I managed to get a hold on myself and end the relationship. Nothing else to do there.
After 2 months I'm still experiencing intense feelings of fear and guilt. I have depression symptoms and a lot of stress about it. If I sit alone for a while I start crying and screaming. The "logic" thoughts (it wouldn't be my fault, it's not my responsibility, I would be ok even if it happened, it was just a manipulation, and such) doesn't seem to be getting through to my mind as much as I repeat them.
Any suggestions? | ptsd |
Ive had this issue for years, as long as I can remember. Whenever I have to ask for help or something I need, or something important to talk about I start stressing out. and when I finally get the courage to ask I start crying as I'm explaining. it gets really bad sometimes and its incredibly embarrassing because I have no reason to be crying but it just happens.
Is this a normal thing for depression or something? Ive had depression for years and Im on medication for it. not that it helps much but even a little help is nice. Im just genuinely confused and a little worried about why this happens.
Normally Id ask a therapist but the pandemic has me tightly wrapped and talking to a therapist through video is difficult for me. but yeah. does anyone else have this issue? and if so do you know a way to calm it or even stop it all together? I would really appreciate help on this. | depression |
I’m starting a new job and I’m very socially anxious, my intrusive thoughts are going crazy rn and it’s making me very nervous :\
I’ve found that my symptoms start flaring up when a big change in my life happens and I’m just stressed out :’) | OCD |
By that, I mean scored exceptionally high? Well above the 65 threshold. | aspergers |
Recently, whenever I read any news about anyone's death, I'd be jealous more than sympathy.
I wish I was in their place, dying.
Im so so tired of living.
Been shutting myself in my room for almost 3 weeks now. Shut off my phone and ignored calls from work. So, I most probably have no work anymore.
Everyday I wakes up, I curse myself for not just die in my sleep.
Lost my appetite too. Can only eat once per day.
Too scared to attempt suicide. I fucking hate myself for being a weak ass bitch that cant even off myself. | depression |
This doesn’t help us at all. Most HOCD people are not homophobic (my therapist told me this and this is believed by some of the people who studied HOCD). It just pisses us off because it shows you don’t understand our problem. We have no problem with gay people, we just want to keep our identities. So do not tell us this, it just frustrates us and makes us angry.
We know it’s ok to be gay, that isn’t the point. Imagine having your favorite movie completely ruined for you but amplify that feeling times 1000, that’s how HOCD feels. We simply want to keep our identities and our enjoyment of the opposite and/or the same sex not because we think it’s “wrong”, but because something we’ve enjoyed feels like it’s been ruined for us. So please do not say “it’s ok to be gay”, it just pisses us off and makes us feel like you’re not understanding our problem. | OCD |
So, I was at work tonight and was gathered with a few other coworkers. Someone made a silly joke, and, as I do, I deadpanned back. That is my preferred sense of humor. The joke did not make sense, and I played it as such, but in a light-hearted manner.
Some back story, the man who made the joke has a more severe form of autism than myself. My masking game is A+ and his is not. That is fine, no one should mask if they don't want to. The problem lies in that no one really picks up on my ASD unless I point it out.
So, anyway, the joke was made and I retorted. He got defensive and didn't realize that I was messing around. I tried to the diffuse the situation immediately, but before I could another girl who is the embodiment of "ACcShUaLlY" interjected and said "nuerodivergents are more easily frustrated than people like you. You wouldn't get it."
Me: *stares in autistic*
So, I just said "yeah, I get it." And dropped the subject. I've just been torked off about it ever since, I get that she couldn't have known, but even so.. I just feel like her comments were unnecessary, and objectively wrong. I *do* get it. I have felt that same frustrations. I know how it feels to be misunderstood. Being neuroatypical is rough for everyone who deviates from the norm, regardless of severity.
I don't really know what I'm saying. I think I'm just venting.
Have a good night, everyone | aspergers |
I'm about to turn 22 years old, and I constantly feel like I am a failure. I've been living at home with my younger brother and father for the past two years, whereas the rest of my friends live by themselves or have jobs. I hate being financially reliant on my parents for food money, but I don't feel like I could hold up a job while completing my art school education. I feel so overwhelmed living in a household where I'm expected to complete the yard chores and clean up after my brother's messes, because of course, he doesn't clean up after himself or do any chores ever. It's incredibly hard when I have to sit at the computer all day while I have deadlines for school to complete (we're in lockdown again in our country). I feel like a fucking maid, or, on the opposite end, like a useless lazy good-for-nothing bratty child who can't do anything right.
Another thing - I think about suicide very often. About a year and a half ago, my boyfriend, who had his own struggle with depression, took his own life. I entered a very, very deep depression which didn't really improve until about a few months ago, but I still think about him constantly. I think about how the only person who ever truly loved me for who I am and fully accepted me is gone forever, and the only way that I can see him again is if I kill myself.
I feel selfish for thinking this, because I know that "No, your family and friends love you, right?" - the only two close friends I have who know all my secrets and everything have either moved away or are always busy with work. That's part of growing up I guess, but I feel like I''m slowly just growing apart from them more and more; I have a lot of aquaintances and friends too, but I have some hunch that they think I'm annoying or boring or stupid. I don't really talk to them often outside of text messaging. As for my family, there is no hope left there. I have 3 siblings; a sister who lives in a neighbouring country, my younger brother who I despise and my older brother who is the only member of my immediate family that I trust. My dad I resent for having a family and then fucking off during the entirety of my childhood and teens to be busy with his work, my mom is an alcoholic with mental problems - almost 9 times out of ten when I speak to her, I can't contain my annoyance at her and start to speak to her in a tense voice, which upsets her. Then I beat myself up over how bad of a daughter I am. She emotionally abused and manipulated me and my siblings during our childhoods, and for that we're all a bit messed up, I guess. But sometimes I sit by myself in my room and cry because I just want a mom so bad.
I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now, but I can't understand if I'm making any progress at all. I do feel better than I did a year ago, I guess, but when the wave of depression comes over me, it goes very very deep. Plus, there's no reason to live anyways, because my whole life I've been told that the world will end due to climate change and now it really looks like it's coming true (my father is a liberal who decided showing An Inconvenient Truth to his 6 year old daughter was a good idea). And with every year it seems like it's becoming more and more true. I don't want to believe it, I know that it will go away if I just turn off social media or focus on other things, but the thoughts are always there, the vision is always there, I'm always imagining my future being completely miserable or me rotting away decrepitly. So what's the point? I have hobbies, but I feel like a failure in those things too. My family is a mess, my friends have no ambitions other than smoking weed and working shit jobs, I don't like my school education either, but I'll just finish it to get it over with. I know things could be worse but every single day is exactly the same and I can't remember what even made me happy in the first place. | depression |
So I've come to realize that my checking compulsions are related to how long I'll be gone from my apartment. It took me 15+ minutes to get out the other day for work (8 hours+) but when I went out shopping (about 1-2 hours) I checked once, found everything okay and left. Does anyone else find this happening? | OCD |
I just want to thank whoever posted the link to the [Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D.](http://www.russellbarkley.org/index.html) Youtube videos on the right side of the front page here. I am 2/3 through it and it is fabulous! So much excellent information. I ordered his book and I have taken five pages of notes on the videos. He even offers online courses to dig deeper. I'm in heaven! Once I finish here, I have a list of follow up actions to be a better parent of my beautiful ADHD teen. I am so grateful he brought me here to learn and understand. Thank you all for your sharing, because it helps me, as a parent, to find my way through the challenges of how to help him.
We are going to be okay. Learning hard news isn't the end...it is just the beginning and can bring us closer to our goals if we step up to the challenge. | ADHD |
I turned 15 today. I hate every second of today. So many years already and half of my life has been spent with depression by my side. I feel like all my teen years are wasted and I will never find happiness. If I had the courage to, I wouldn’t be alive anymore.
I’m getting medication against depression soon so hopefully that works but I’m pretty sure I’m a lost cause. | depression |
I have noticed that I have started to recover, that when I make an effort to not put too much attention to my intrusive thoughts (I have existential) that many times, usually when hanging out with friends or out doing stuff, that I then just randomly feel dread or anxiety. Almost for no reason. Can’t tell what’s going on, if it’s ocd or something else.
Does anyone else get random dread? Usually when not at home but sometimes there as well? I’ve heard anxiety can sometimes manifest itself when not in a “safe location” i.e. home, and wanted to see if this was also found as a symptom of ocd.
Wishing everyone the best in their recovery! | OCD |
Maybe this post is a bad idea but why not try right?
When it comes to league of legends I have accounts on EUW, EUNE and NA.
A little bit about me:
I'm an 18 y/o male, I got diagnosed with aspergers last summer. I've felt lonely and felt depressed for a very long time in my life and hope that finding friends that play the same games as me could be a solution. Personally I enjoy playing Jax at the moment and usually enjoy playing ranked although I can play other gamemodes too (except tft). I can become a bit invested into the games I play meaning I can become ecstatic when having a lot of fun but can also obviously become a bit frustrated sometimes (although it generally doesn't show too much and it doesn't lash out on the people I play with).
That's it, send me a message if you'd maybe want to play with me. If we're gonna play on a set time we can discuss it in messages. | aspergers |
Read this online today. Frighteningly captures the nightmare that I’ve been living for the past 17 months. My “safe space” has gotten smaller as I cannot go to some parts of the house. Showers…they are so damn hard. Does anyone else see themselves in this?
Excerpt:
In an attempt to keep clean and minimize compulsions, some sufferers will create two different worlds for themselves; one clean and one dirty. When contaminated they can move freely about their dirty world and touch and do anything, since everything in it is already contaminated. Nothing in it has to be cleaned or avoided. Clothes that are considered contaminated must be worn when living in this zone. This dirty world usually takes in most of the outside world, and can also include parts of their home or work areas. It may even extend to having a dirty car to be driven only when contaminated. They may also be able to live freely in their clean world as long as they themselves are clean when they enter it and also stay that way. The clean world is usually a much more restricted area than the dirty one, and is often limited to special places at home or at work. There may also be a clean car which can only be driven when clean. The two worlds may exist side-by-side like parallel universes that are never allowed to meet.
For magical types of contamination the solution is often a magical decontamination ritual designed to remove or cancel out the problem, thought, name, image, or concept. Saying special words or prayers, thinking opposing or good thoughts to cancel out bad thoughts, and doing actions in reverse, are just some of the compulsions that can be seen. Sometimes the usual washing or showering may even be part of the magical ritual.
“Washers” as they are referred to are probably the most visible among those with contamination obsessions. It is not unusual for them to wash their hands fifty or more times per day. In more extreme cases, hands may be washed up to 200 times per day. Showers can take an hour or longer, and in severe situations can last as long as eight hours.
Obviously, washers go through large amounts of soap and paper towels (used in preference to cloth towels which can only be used once and create laundry). Alcohol preps and disinfectant hand wipes are also popular. Their hands often become bright red and chapped with cracked and bleeding skin. Antibacterial soaps, peroxide, and disinfectants, such as Lysol, can be used to excess by some, causing further skin damage. I have even worked with several people who poured straight bleach on their hands and bodies, resulting in chemical burns.
Compulsive showering and washing are really quite futile, as the relief from anxiety only lasts until the washer contacts something else that is seen as contaminated. Washing may in some cases be strongly ritualized. It may have to be done according to exact rules, which if not followed force the sufferer to start all over again. Counting may also be part of a washing ritual to ensure that it has been done long enough period, or a certain number of times. In order to cut down on washing, sufferers sometimes resort to using paper towels, plastic bags, or disposable gloves to touch things. | OCD |
And i’m dreading it. Wish i could reschedule :(
Edit: Thanks for the bday wishes 😅 y’all made me feel a bit better | aspergers |
I'm (32M) in a relationship with a (33NB) person they been roleplaying with another person for a while. I allowed it after they told me about them first and that they wanted to roleplay as their characters. I said that was fine since it's not then as them. They are just friends and don't do it often but, when they do I can tell. The giggles the chuckles the deep stare at the phone constantly being ignored...then afterwards being cuddle yet feeling like I'm just second fiddle.
I know that falls under r/relationship issue but, here why I posted it here. I been reassured multiple times that I'm there number 1 but, in my own head I don't feel it. I feel like I've been betrayed emotionally that I'm constantly being lied too. That their just saying this and eventually their going to leave me for someone who doesn't live in the same place in the US.
My mind makes up scenarios I get into discussion with them sometimes even arguments about it all. But they keep reassuring that both them and their RP'er doesn't want to do anything that will hurt anyone. Their whole group is like that don't want to do anything that hurt anyone. It's getting bad that I have had nightmares thinking what-if and started pushing them away.
I need therapy but, I feel like everytime I have an appointment and about to do it they change it on me and make it unavailable. I'm mentally exhausted and I don't think I can do this anymore but, I've been with them for 13 years I love them to death. However, I know I'm going to do/say something that's won't be able to take back. And I'll think welp guess what "ya did it to yourself again." And be miserable even more.... | depression |
TW: SEXUAL ABUSE
First disclaimer is that I have not been officially diagnosed with OCD yet, as I have never been to therapy. However, in my extensive search for truth a lot of pure-o symptoms resonated with me. I’ve had other obsessions before, mainly health related, and I’ve had the disturbing intrusive thoughts too. So, ever since I was a kid my first encounter with anything sexual was stories that people posted on Quora of sexual abuse. I remember reading them, and I don’t think I fully comprehended how serious they were although I had a clue they were wrong, and masturbating to them. I remember also once looking up rape fics, though I never did that again. It’s always been a fucked up fantasy of mine, although right now in real life I would never touch a person inappropriately or ever want anything to happen to me. I just masturbate to fanfics that include this every once in while. My problem is that I have this childhood memory where I acted out a scene of sexual abuse in a game of barbies with my cousin. That’s the extent of my memory on it. However, recently after watch a tiktok on a girl who was kissed involuntarily by her friend when she was young, I began obsessing if I’ve done this too. My obsession grew into me ‘remembering’ that I molested my cousin. I obsessed over doing it in two occasions with separate people, but I know the second one never happened. However, the one with my cousin is eating me up alive. I have ruminated on the ‘memory’ so many times that I now cannot differentiate between false and reality. I go from this didn’t happen, to yes it did so many times my brain cannot tell the difference anymore. I used to think that I never remembered this before, so it must be not true but my brain is now convincing me that all these times I was uncomfortable watching sexual abuse scenes and guilty over my groinal response to them was because of this, even though the idea of this whole game only came to me twice. The first time I’m sure I obsessed over the Barbie game and how fucked up it was like a few years back, but I don’t think the sexual abuse part was included because I was only freaked out for one night, and then I dropped it completely. I can’t move on past it, and it’s been two months. Right now I’m thinking that since I’ve always had this fucked up ‘kink’, what stopped me from acting it out on her? My mental health is deteriorating, and I keep getting suicidal ideation because if it is true I couldn’t possibly live with myself if I’ve done this. My cousin and I are still on good terms, although we used to be much closer as kids, and I love her. I’ve jokingly brought up the Barbie game and she said she didn’t really remember it that much. But it was all in jokes, and I don’t know if now that I’ve brought it up her memories are surging up, but we’ve interacted after and she didn’t seem like she hated me. I’ve also confessed this particular worry to my mom, and she said there’s no way it happened, but she wasn’t there and she doesn’t know my disgusting ‘kink’. I don’t know what to do, and I’m losing my mind. Please help. Should I confess to her? Or will that plant thoughts that may not have happened? What do I do? | OCD |
I feel like I’m ruining my life. All I do is sit around and try to distract myself with meaningless things but always end up getting lost in my head. I feel like I can’t get a grip on reality. No matter what I do I can’t get out of this mental prison I’ve built for myself. I find myself often fantasizing about situations where I’m happy to pull myself away from the sadness, but there’s always a feeling of emptiness that pulls me back in. I’ve never been one to talk much, but lately it’s like I can’t interact with anyone without my mind taking me over and losing myself. I subconsciously expect people to interact with me because I don’t know how to communicate anymore. When people do interact with me it always feels fake and like I’m just saying whatever they want to hear. Im constantly thinking that people don’t like me even though no one has said anything to me or around me to indicate so. I don’t even go to school anymore. I just can’t deal with my existence. I wanna die but I can’t because suicide feels incredibly selfish and so its not an option in my mind even though I often find myself dreaming of some kind of eternal peace which turns to suicidal ideation. I haven’t had any significant trauma in my life and yet I can’t seem to be able to form strong relationships. I’ll get people to like me and consider me a friend and then I’ll just stop talking to them and now I’m left with only a few people who I can’t tell if they like me or if they just put up with me. I feel worthless and I want to fix my life but I can’t because I just get lost in my head and all I’m left with is some fantasy that someday I’ll pull my shit together but I know that’s never gonna happen, I know I’ll never be truly happy. I’m crazy as fuck and I can’t get my mind to let me live. And now I’m writing a pointless message to send out to see if maybe someone, anyone cares. But I already know the answer | depression |
I've been trying to find a book to help me as an undiagnosed adult. Tried a few ones out but this seems to be the best one I've found despite being quite Canadian. I'm doing the audiobook. Interested to know what other books people have found helpful. I'd like to get one for my dad who's in his 70's undiagnosed but admitted to me the other day that he shares a lot of aspie traits. I was hoping for the Tony Attwood one to be the bible. | aspergers |
I've seen a lot of shit in my time... A lotttt... Mostly related to cars and vehicle crashes, friends have died in accidents.. friends have almost died in accidents after leaving my house.. I've seen strangers in horrific pain from accidents.. I nearly died in a crash.. that's just cars, let alone the r*pe I couldn't stop, the drug deals nearly gone wrong, the fight club...
I couldn't get proper therapy because I was in recovery February 2020. Ouch. They just stopped caring I guess.
In the process of rebuilding my life I absolutely ruined a friendship. It's a long long story and I'm trying to be vague, but I absolutely harassed someone for months because I blamed them for my amputee status, just because I had to block out the reality that it was totally my fault..
I miss this person so much, even though we weren't even exactly close beforehand. It hurts as bad as my achy bones in the rain. Hurts as bad as the phantom pain.. hurts as bad as neuropathy... I tried to reach out to them to make peace and basically failed, but I can't let go. How do I let go? Just throw it all in the memory hole or what. I'm kinda convinced my physical pain will ease up if I fix my bad karma...
I'll go into detail if anyone replies
The toothpaste is outta the tube, you can't exactly just push it back in, bridges burnt take twice as long to build... | ptsd |
Somedays I feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. Other days I dread being alive. I feel like I am missing a purpose, a role model, someone that can guide me. I am tired of being shutdown and being called useless, forgetful, careless, messy, dumb among other things. I want to be the purpose that God designed me to be, but I am not sure how. God took my mom away from me when I was 10. Leaving with a father that provides no mental support. He is an old fashioned hard headed man that believes mental illness doesn't exist and men should suck it up. I can't get a dog because of my financial situation and rent is astronomical in SoCal. | depression |
I don't know how to do basic math. Does that mean that I am stupid? I feel very depressed. | aspergers |
Edit: The reason why I do this is that, I used to drink some water before sleeping and in the morning my bladder would be really full. I would have to wake up just for that.
Especially at night. Mine is like this, I have to like completely empty my bladder, and I try really hard to empty mine. Even 1 ml of urine makes me uncomfortable. Or so I think. Weirdest thing is, I get to urge to drink water, and even if I drink a very small amount, like one drop I pee like multiple amount of that, I pee like one liter. And I go to bathroom a few times then.
I am like: sleep sleep sleep, well bladder not empty, ignore, sleep sleep, cant ignore, go bathroom.
I can't break this. I don't even know if I am doing this out of needing or not. What's the normal process of this? Please help. | OCD |
I started back on Vyvanse a couple of weeks ago and I’ve noticed a spike in my heart rate. I’m going to mention it to my prescriber, so I’m not ignoring it. But has anyone else noticed this as being common or happening to them? Should I be worried?
Note: It’s up 20% from my baseline resting heart rate, so definitely noticeable. But not so much that I’m ready for a prescription change….yet.
Edited: not looking for medical advice, per the sub rules. But looking more for similar experiences with this. Thank you! | ADHD |
I got the vaccine back in March and so I’ve started - slowly but surely - going out in public again, and I just feel like I lost all the progress I’d been making before the pandemic. I’m typing this from a bathroom at a restaurant because I thought I was going to have a meltdown in front of my family: everything is just so loud and crowded (and it’s not even a particularly full restaurant, but I swear I can hear every single person’s clinking silverware or obnoxious laughter.) My stomach hurts no matter what I eat and food is absolutely overwhelming except for the blandest food. I didn’t even used to be like this prior to the pandemic, at least not all the time - only if I was really exhausted. Now it seems like my capacity for social interaction has shrunk, like a stomach after gastric bypass.
I know my family and fiancé care about me, enough that they can tell something is up, but the last thing I want is to embarrass everyone or turn in early for what will be multiple nights in a row. How are we supposed to go back to being around people? I truly feel like I’m getting more autistic and I can’t tell if something has become broken about me or if I’m just having trouble adjusting, or what. Does anyone else feel crazy trying to adjust to existing in public again? | aspergers |
Like the fact that most people don't need to think so hard for small talk is a bit odd. And that facial expressions like sadness or surprise just come naturally to them. Like how? I feel like I'm playing chess just to hold a conversation for a small bit. | aspergers |
TW: sexual assault, pap smears, medical stuff?
I'm finally getting my physical health treated/back on track but today my psychologist asked if I'm getting a pap smear done as well and I just broke down and cried. I'm not comfortable with anyone, except my partner, even acknowledging I have a *body* at the best of times. I don't know how I'm going to go having someone touch me.
My psychologist said it's normal for people who were sexually assaulted to be highly anxious around getting a pap smear and I was wondering if anyone has advice on how to mentally deal with it, and what people may have told their healthcare provider beforehand to make the process go smoother.
I can't take anyone in the room with me as the only person I trust enough is my partner and they're long distance. Not sure if I can get benzos prescribed just for the pap smear lol. I'm just freaking out over it a bit because I know it needs to be done.
TL;DR need a pap smear, the thought of it triggers PTSD, advice would be nice, thank you for reading | ptsd |
I knew I could never trust my dads household even at a young age. Here’s the story.
My chore was the dishes. I never had an issue with it but my clumsy self would always break some type of dish-ware. Around Christmas time, my friends and I went ice skating. There was a local target right next to the rink. My friends and I went to target since we still had time before we were going home. While at target I had the great idea to use the rest of my money to buy a new dish set! I was replacing the dishes I broke. I thought it was a great adult decision. I was 14/15 at the time. I ended up coming home a little later than planned due to buying the dishes. I explained to my father everything. At the end of the day I still got yelled at and grounded just because I didn’t inform him I was going to be a little late. I was an hr late at most. What I’ve learned from that situation, is that no matter, what my kindness is taken for granite. Was I same after that situation? No.
Growing up I was never allowed a cell phone. A cell phone was dangled above my head my whole teen years of living with my father. I lived in a different time. Everyone had a cell phone. It’s not that they couldn’t afford the phone service. The phone was always in service. I wasn’t grounded for a week. I was grounded for months at a time for the smallest things. I was even taken to “therapy”. The therapist attempted to help my case but at the end of the day the ball was never in my favor. My father would come up with bs reasons of why I couldn’t recieve my phone FOR THE WEEKEND. Not the week but 2 days. If you didn’t know, I never had a best friend growing up. I wasn’t allowed to go any where. Going to the skating rink was one of the only times I hung out with friends.
I’ve never had someone on my side growing up. You’d think your step mom, the other woman in the house would try to help her step daughter but all she did was make it worse. Later that year I ran away. Last year my brother ran away as well. After I left he became the escape goat.
That situation has changed me forever. Not only did it teach me that my kindness will always be taken for grant but it taught me a lot more. The last thing it taught me was what my father wanted the “lesson” to teach me.
I did not grow up in a loving household. I have never felt loved in this household. I grew up here with no affection. Thank god I didn’t spend all of my teen years here.
Again my grandparents on my dads side never stood up for me simply bc they weren’t my parent. They were my grandparents. I wish I could have record everything I endured has a child/teen. My memories and the suppressed memories would most definitely make other people view these people differently.
As an adult I suffer from night terrors due to childhood trauma. I wake up feeling uneasy and out of place. I wake up feeling more than you could imagine. I wake up not wanting to go back to sleep. The night terrors will either continue or the scenario will change.
Now before someone feels the need to say I don’t have ptsd or whatever else they would like to try to say, this is just one scenario that came to mind today.
Growing up in the household, I have faced a lot more than just this basic event. It wasn’t traumatizing. I’ve faced physical and mental abuse from my father and his wife. As an adult I still face some form of abuse from these people.
Don’t down play someone’s traumas you don’t know about. Just because you have read about this basic event doesn’t mean you get to say anything about my life. | ptsd |
I asked him what it was and he couldn’t remember which brand, I wish he’d taken a picture. Anyways it said something like:
“Do not buy from us if you have OCD, we don’t want a to be a reason for you to carry out your compulsion, please seek help now, you’re loved.” | OCD |
Hi, I have diagnosed anxiety and OCD. For the past year or so I’ve been suffering from pee anxiety. I will pee before bed, then if I talk to my partner for less than a minute, I’ll need to pee again, if I look at my phone, I’ll have to pee again, if I shift the blankets so they’re comfortable, I have to pee again.
It’s like I have this mindset that ‘you might as well Hannah, otherwise you’re just gonna be up for hours worrying and obsessing about it’. The same mentality I have when it comes to completing and ritual to do with my OCD.
It’s so debilitating, I just want a proper sleep. I’m on 150mg of Zoloft, have been for nearly two years. Does anyone have any recommendations? Things that worked for them? I’m desperate at this point. | OCD |
Just got out of the hospital today. It's never easy but I feel good about it this time, I feel like I finally got what I needed. And I made friends with the people I met there. It was hard, but I got what I needed and I'm glad I went. Wish me luck 💕 | ptsd |
So I was hunting for an old file for reference, thought I had a printed copy but nah, and was going through every USB and memory card I could find. Needless to say, bad idea.
I found a folder of photos from when I was in the midst of a violently abusive situation and I didn't recognize half of those faces, but I remembered theirs, and I just... shut down. Not in the way I usually do, there's no shaking, no crying, no awful sensory or visual flashbacks, just a whole lot of hollow nothing. I've got no sense of time, but I'm cogent enough to write this so I guess that's a win?
All I can think about is how *young* they look. We were young teenagers (13? 14?) when it all started, and looking back now (I'm mid-twenties now) all I can seem to think is how they look like a child. There's a weird sense of disbelief that the monster I'm trying to recover from after a decade of nauseating violence was just so..young. I knew that, I guess, but somehow I disconnected the trauma and their actual face and seeing it is just. I dont know.
I can feel myself trying to block out any ability to process it, and I can't even seem to hold on to the actual memory of finding the photo, I just know I did. That feeling is very uncomfortable and I'm not sure what to do with it. I don't know what to do now, and I can't seem to remember how to exist in my own skin. I guess I'll go make a sandwich? | ptsd |
I apologize in advance if this comes across as insensitive or disrespectful in any way, as it is not my intention.
I (F,17) just started dating this absolutely wonderful boy (18). We instantly connected, and we talk for hours every single day despite living a faire distance away from each other. Last night during one of our routine conversations, he told me that he's autistic, but "pretty high functioning, so it doesn't really impact my life" (his words). By contrast, I have ADHD, and thus I understand neurodivergency better than a neurotypical would. I know that ADHD and Autism have a lot of overlap, but I also know that there are some very key differences between the two of them.
I have difficulties with impulse control, managing my volume and tone of voice, and thinking before I speak. I've been told by others that I can be overwhelming or overstimulating. He has done nothing but praise these aspects of my personality. However, going off of what I've read, I worry that the way I am might make him feel uncomfortable.
He's very conscientious of my feelings and comfort, as he is extremely kind, but I also talk quite openly about the challenges that I face relating to my ADHD and I answer any questions he has. He has not opened up about his Autism, and I do not want to push and make him feel like I'm viewing him differently or trying to study him. However, I also want to get a good idea of how it may impact him and how I should conduct myself around him in order to maximize his comfort and happiness.
So my question is, how do I go about having this conversation with him? I know that Autism is very diverse and that nothing I read online will be a 100% accurate depiction of what he is like or how he would like me to act. I believe I have a pretty good understanding of who he is as a person, but I don't want him to feel like he needs to put on a mask around me and work harder to match my energy. He can be kind of docile and agreeable, and my worst nightmare is accidentally taking advantage of that.
​
TLDR: My boyfriend has autism, I have ADHD, and I don't know how to talk about it with him. | aspergers |
So I've been thinking a lot about my ADHD (Lol). Thinking about stuff is the only thing you can really do when your therapist is on a three month Haitus. (Especially when you prefer psychotherapy over meds) (She's back THIS week AND I'M BOOKED AND READY TO GO so YAY)
Anywho, I've been wondering if my ADHD applies to the way I love people and that if I hyperfixate in real life, do I do all those little ADHD things in love too?
I have a long and complicated history with love and I've noticed patterns where I give my all to the person I'm in love with and I've now started consciously making choices that are healthier for me. (Therapy 1 - ADHD infinity)
But I want to better understand this so that in the future when I go out there again, I can be better for myself and the person in front of me. (Ya boy is taking time off so he can get better) :))
Plis halp, people of reddit 🥺 | ADHD |
The treatment options for OCD in my state are very limited and I don’t feel comfortable constantly switching therapists for multiple reasons, I’m going to talk to my insurance and T first bc it might not even be an option but I’m considering going out of state for impatient treatment, mainly bc I’m scared of what my future will look like if I continue down this path and I value my life far too much to just throw my hands up and not fight for the help I need, have anyone of y’all went through treatment programs and if so what was your experience? As much detail as possible would be the most helpful, but don’t share anything you aren’t comfortable with. Thanks:) | OCD |
I hate this. I'm sure some people here have felt like shit and hated themselves and then thought of other people's problems. When you think of their problems you feel like they have it worse than you and you feel like you should just stop complaining. Yeah that's what I'm like right now. It's just painful because I'm not sure if I should complain or hide things. I really should just stop complaining instead of bothering my "friends" and the good people on here. Goodnight people. | depression |
I think we all have it, that burning rage inside us, the primal anger that makes no sense. Irrationally saying or doing things in a blind rage.
These days it's all I've known. A seething black fire behind a smile. I'm trying, but everywhere I go, everything I do become so much more difficult. Little things just become the biggest insane issues.
Its ruining everything I am. I know it, but at this point, there isn't anything else. I don't have fun anymore. Life isn't what it used to be, and it's looking more bleak as the days go by. | ptsd |
It has been going on basically since I was old enough to remember, but is worse now because it's something that could easily be fixed and instead I've been held back from fixing it for at least 6 years now, despite knowing what needs to be fixed and how to do it. I'm always angry, I think about it day and night (nightmares), I punch walls and despite the fact that I know it's not my fault this thing is happening I'm still angry at myself because at times I feel like if I really put all of my efforts into it I could somehow fix it (not true) a bit like people who are abused feel like it's their fault. To be honest I live it as if it was abuse. Which it is at the end of the day. When you deny someone the help they need you are abusing them. The fact that this thing that needs to be fixed is of a sexual nature greatly helps to make me perceive it as abuse. I feel ashamed too, always because of the fact that I feel it's my fault. The cherry on top of it is that I can't talk about this to my psychologist cause she's part of the system that is abusing me, nor would any other psychologist be on my side. Well maybe someone but not that I know of. It is f*cking me up really bad. Once I get what I need I want to forget everything and remove it like it never happened.I will try to rewrite every piece of my personal history that was affected by this thing , I don't care if I lie to myself. I just want this over with. | ptsd |
Hey guys! New here! Clinically depressed since I was 5 and I'm 25. I'm not going to lie sometimes I cope with substances. I'm a little intoxicated right now and incredibly sad. Also all my friends went to bed. Anybody up and willing to talk? Talk about some heavy stuff some not heavy stuff what kind of stuff you guys are into what kind of stuff you're not into literally talk about anything I'm just really lonely. | depression |
I am declaring it to be a spectacular day for all of us. I am the President of Jesus | depression |
Lol so I’m a teenage girl and I’ll have celebrity crushes and be obsessed with them from anywhere to weeks/ months and then ill eventually lose interest in them and won’t be as obsessed as i was in the beginning. Does anyone else experience something similar lol Idk if it’s part of my ocd or not and if it’s just an obsession or hyperfixation ? | OCD |
Someone close to me said this a few years ago and lately it’s always on my mind while talking to someone as I’ve started to analyse my conversational style. It’s wacky as hell.
Once my girlfriend put it this way, “there are times where it’s like your mouth is trying to keep up with your thoughts” and that’s probably the best way to describe it.
My brain is noisy, like really noisy. I’m having millions of thoughts a minute, new ideas, new solutions to problems, things to do, things to say, conversations I need to have etc. I’ve solved problems I’ve been pondering on for a week during a conversation, I’ve had many a Eureka moments in the most inappropriate of times.
I could be giving you a shoulder to cry on and giving you much needed words of comfort and it’s a genuine show of affection that shows how much I care about you, I’m not bullshitting you, I’d die for you right here if it meant you broke a smile… while at the same time I’m wondering what it would be like if we had nipples on our feet.
Sometimes though, with those closest to me, the madness leaks into the conversation. Here’s how that would feel:
Let’s say we’re having a conversation about music, which I maintain and at the same time I’m thinking about this cool video and the novel I’m writing, while simultaneously taking to you, and then I bring up the video and keep the conversation about the music going while searching for the video, and bam I have this cool thought for the novel I’m writing and mention it, oh by the way here’s the video, check it out… and yeah that song is pretty awesome. Come to think of it, I should start playing the guitar more, fun video right? So yeah, my story goes like this… huh, I didn’t think about approaching the story that way, I was really worried about it, weren’t you working on something too? Tell me about it. Woah, I’m into that idea, what motivates your character to do that? That band you mentioned also made this song I think you’ll like and come to think of it there’s another video you should see, anyway your story is this and this and your characters do so and so, right? What’s the inspiration behind it? oh wait, the character in my novel should do this thing instead, what do you think about that? Bam, we are cooking! So, your inspiration are the Romans? What is it about them that captivated you? Have you heard of this documentary? No, here it might help with research. You sound really inspired by your idea, I’d be happy to check out what you’ve done so far and give you feedback. Like, imagine a dog could sing you a lullaby, like it slowly licked your face as you went to bed and then started singing to you, that’d be so weird.
And my best mate at this point would be like “Sometimes you bring things up like we’ve been talking about it for an hour, but I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about”.
Anyone else experiencing something like this? What have people said to you about it? Is there something you do to help you stay on track and not go off on some crazy tangents? | ADHD |
Even on a good day all I can think about is how much I hate myself and how I should kill myself sooner than later. How often does a normal person think of suicide? | OCD |
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. MY HEART PHYSICALLY HURTS. I WANT OUT. I’m a normal teenage girl WHY ME. please. I want to be happy. This isn’t fair. WHY CANT I BE HAPPY. SOMEONE HELP ME | depression |
i was convinced that today was it. i’ve never felt so convinced to leave this earth until today. i had a breaking point. a friend reached out and we spoke for hours. i vented for a while. i cleaned my room, put a movie on, ate a meal. and now i have to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day.
i suffer from major depressive disorder, anxiety & PTSD. years of on going trauma have resulted in me having a nasty addiction to alcohol. i’m exploring my options. rehab maybe, AA. not sure yet. i just want to feel better and i think i’m ready. it’s time.
i deserve to be here and i’ll never stop fighting for a clear peace of mind. i just want to be happy.
i’m happy to still be here. | depression |
TLDR; I have a few habits that I think might be ADHD related and want to hear someone elses thoughts before I get tested.
\* I read the rules and understand that I shouldn't ask for medical advice here, I just want to get some reassurance for some things before my appointment since google isnt being helpful (they arent the symptoms that show up when looking up ADHD)
I have an appointment to talk to a doctor about getting tested/diagnosed for ADHD scheduled, but as I get closer to the date I keep second-guessing myself, so I wanted to know if anyone who has diagnosed ADHD experiences these things. These are all various habits I've had for as long as I can remember and only just recently I've been thinking they could be ADHD-related (I never got tested as a child either).
*- Randomly chewing on things, picking at stuff, breaking or destroying objects*
This is a habit I do whenever I'm bored or when my hands aren't busy doing something else. I will pick at my skin, bite my nails, or grab a nearby object and start breaking it up or cutting it with an exacto knife. I also tend to randomly chew on things like the end of my apple pencil when I'm drawing.
*- Rewatching short clips over and over*
Whenever I watch a video or movie, and theres a moment thats funny or interesting or I just like the way it sounds, I tend to rewind and watch it over and over and over, like ten or more times, before moving on. I know that it gets annoying for other people so I try to only do it when I'm by myself, but I get an almost obsessive need to rewatch things.
*- Repeating something and then immediately forgetting to pay attention*
A similar habit to the one above, I will miss information when watching something or listening to someone, have it repeated, then immediately lose track of what I was doing and not pay attention again.
*- Speaking my thoughts aloud*
I do this one a lot. Its almost like Im explaining something to someone, basically coming up with an entire essay on a topic just by talking aloud with myself. When I was younger I would also come up with entire stories for things by doing this.
*- I have to be doing at least two different things to focus, or have absolutely zero distractions to focus.*
Its always one or the other, no inbetween.
*- Have periods of time where my entire focus is on one thing, pretty sure this is hyperfixation*
I'll have times when I cant think of anything but one topic, and focus all my energy towards it. Then later on Ill get repulsed just by the thought of doing that thing. Happens with music too, Ill play a song over and over until I get so sick of hearing it I wont want to listen to it again for months; Ive lost a lot of great songs because of this)
Again Im not looking for a diagnosis from anyone here, I find that out at my appointment. I just want someone else's thoughts on this besides my own since I'm starting to go a little bit insane second-guessing myself lol. | ADHD |
To make a long story short I have really really bad contamination OCD to the point where I’m the only one who is allowed to clean in my apartment (literally the only thing my ocd will let me have my bf do is the dishes and even then I micromanage how he does it) because anyone else won’t be careful enough and will end up contaminating the entire place. It’s been going on for a few years and I’m so exhausted from the combo of being the only one who can clean and from the mental toll of like 90% of my thoughts being centered around keeping me/my bf/our stuff clean and safe.
All that alone has already had me dealing with severe suicidal ideation and then earlier this week the apartment below mine had an electrical fire that filled our apartment with smoke. The complex is having a people come in to deep clean the kitchen and bathroom, the carpets cleaned and the walls repainted and I was supposed to go in today to clear stuff off the walls/clear out the cabinets and just in general get things set up for all the cleaners and such but when I got to the apartment and opened it and smelled the air I just got overwhelmed, had an extended breakdown and couldn’t get anything done because the whole time my brain was screaming about us being contaminated just from the air.
My mom had come for moral support and to try and help and made me stop and had to write a note to the cleaners apologizing for stuff not being cleared out because it got so bad I was getting physically sick (nausea, headache, the anxiety had me nearly hyperventilating).
And now all I can think is that they’re going to go in to my apartment and because I couldn’t clean certain things myself (like take out the trash esp the bathroom trash) they’re going to contaminate everything instead of clean everything and I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. I’m so scared that my brain after everything is going to decide that it’s all irreparably contaminated. I also just don’t know how I’m going to go about fully cleaning all my personal belongings.
Have any of you had something similar happen or even just like hired professional cleaners on you own? Literally any advice is welcome because rn I’m really worried about hurting myself because of all this. | OCD |
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