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I'm seeing a lot of posts about people being confused by feeling differently at different times. People are questioning their personalities. "Am I really an introvert, if I do this extroverted thing???"
Yes. You're introverted or extroverted, and you're happy or your sad and you're tall or you're short.
Actually, the tall/short thing only changes once. But everything else is made to be changeable, so you can act differently when something different happens. Your personality can switch between things, and that doesn't make you insane or whatever you're worried about.
Take the 800 pound gorilla as an example. He's not here, but wouldn't you act differently if he were here? | aspergers |
Earlier tonight, I was trying to figure out a new recipe for dinner. When I'm learning something new, it takes pretty much all of my attention. So, while listening to a podcast with my earbuds (which really helps me focus), I was happily cooking away, knowing my family probably wouldn't be home before dinner was done. Well, I was wrong. Baseball ended early due to a stray thunderstorm.
For background, my mom and little brother are both aggressive, extroverted neurotypicals. Needless to say, we see the world very, very differently from each other. I tried several times to tell my family that I was busy trying to cook dinner, and I could use some space. But, they just kept getting in my way, asking questions they demanded answers for, and were overall being super distracted. So, in a little louder tone, I told them to please give me space and not talk to me. My mom took that personally, and started going on about how "in a normal family, cooking dinner is a social event...", and I retorted by responding we're anything but a normal family, and people asking me questions while I'm trying to focus on dinner was just as bad as me nagging my mom while she's trying to work. Still, my mom tried to initiate conversations with me, regardless if she was aware of it or not, and was continuously demanding answers.
At this point, I'm getting really frazzled. It took me much more time to make a fancy salad with her talking and wandering aimlessly around the kitchen (which, I'll add is in its own part of the house, with cupboards and the fridge far away from where I was cooking, so she had no reason to be there other than to be near me) than it would've without her talking. As a result, I didn't get to the pan in time (which I was instructed to preheat before adding the salad to it for a couple minutes), and I lifted the lid to put the salad in there. A huge fireball erupted in my face, but I managed to jump out of the way just in time to avoid getting hit with any fire. Quickly, I put the lid back on to starve a possible fire of oxygen and took the pan away from the heat, and checked to make sure the house wasn't on fire. Nothing else bad happened, fortunately.
But, my neurotypical mother, for whatever reason, still didn't get the fact that when I'm trying something new, it requires my undivided attention. Otherwise, in this case, kitchen fireballs happen, and I still don't know how I managed to avoid getting a face full of fire. Instead, she got pissed at me for not being able to hold a conversation while cooking something brand new, because "normal people are social while they're cooking".
The word, "normal", is my mom's favorite fucking word. She just wants a "normal" daughter, which I am not. I'm aspie. I also have Cystic Fibrosis and Pulmonary Atresia. Of course, unlike my little brother, I'm not "normal". That's not a bad thing. Difference isn't just ok, it is needed in this world. But, in my mom's mind, if she could turn me into a normal 20-year-old woman, she would. And, that hurts me tremendously. Now, I know after almost losing my face and house to a fireball, if that ain't gonna get my mom to accept the simple fact that I'm not normal and can never be normal, nothing will.
God fucking fuck. College cannot come soon enough! Thank God I have a few friends who are also aspies that I get to talk to whenever I need to, and I also have y'all. Otherwise, I couldn't live with this. In my NT's family's eyes, everything I do and ask for is wrong, or "sets unrealistic expectations for us", or is "socially unacceptable". Why are so many NT's so fucking dense?! | aspergers |
It's very difficult talking to the many who don't understand my trauma situation. Especially when it's family, but holy shit, it is impossible to remain sane living with a person (without PTSD or anything close) who thinks everything they know about this condition is correct despite never even bothering to research the topic on google. Every time I have a conversation about my trauma with this person, no matter what I say, it's always "but this! but that!" a thousand times over... You really can't be reasonable with someone who has an ego larger than their head can hold and refuses to believe things they literally have no possible way of knowing.
I was tortured several years ago. Psychologically almost non-stop for 5 months and Physically on-and-off for a couple less. I hate going into details, but I have told my family much of what happened, but not all, so they know I was tortured. Despite the extremely high level of 'fucked up' my situation was, this person (who is family) does not appear to believe it the way it actually happened. He thinks I went crazy or something due to 'drugs' because I smoked pot and tried mushrooms once. Neither had negative effects aside from pot, but only after things started going to hell. It just made me very paranoid and fearful only while I was under the influence, rightfully so, considering what was going on... So I simply stopped. No long term effects or anything.
This person always has all of these ridiculous theories about me and my condition I'm always disproving. I can't understand someone being this stupid. I don't understand how it's possible to have so little brain function dedicated to rational thought. This person thinks they are 100% completely reasonable and correct about everything while spreading lies to everyone they know about how correct they are and how stupid I am for telling him otherwise on a subject he has zero knowledge of... Fucking L. O. L.
Things are hard enough without stupid people spreading lies/ rumors about me and treating my trauma like it's barely real if not at all. | ptsd |
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 6yo. I’m almost 30 now. It’s been a long time. Three attempts and hospitalizations later, somehow I’m still here. I get the flashbacks, the physical pain of being triggered etc. Coupled with my diagnosed depression, borderline, and bipolar, it’s been a rough ride for me. About 3 months ago, I turned a corner. For the first time in my life, I feel good (and it’s not mania). It’s sustainable. It took 25 years of hard and painful work. I still have more to do. I’m finally in a place where I can give back. If your head is a dangerous place to be, reach out to me and let’s be there together. If you’re hurting, anxious, alone, what ever, reach out to me. I won’t judge, I won’t tell you how you feel, I will be what you need me to be. You don’t know me yet, but I’m here for you. Be well, and be safe.
- N | ptsd |
How do I get my empathy emotions feelings towards boys and just everything it’s like the only time I feel emotion is on my period it’s like I won’t feel love or be in a relationship because I can’t feel anything I don’t understand why this is happening | OCD |
Does anyone else relate to this? I first noticed this because I work in a school, and on days that I forget to take my meds, I'm incredibly prone to auditory overstimulation. If the kids are talkative- not even super loud, just at normal speaking levels consistently throughout the day- I'll go home grumpy and usually with a migraine.
But on my meds I'm very unbothered. Even louder classes don't bother me too much. It's like they allow me to tolerate very stimulating environments for much longer.
I'm still sensitive to certain sensory things, but I can pretty quickly identify what's irritating me and make sure I take action to lessen whatever it is.
Unmedicated it's harder for me to recognize that I'm being overstimulated at all, let alone always identify what's causing it? I just find myself becoming irritable and attempt to ignore my irritation, because I don't understand why I am.
I'm just taking generic Adderall. Does anyone have a similar experience? | ADHD |
Want to know experiences. Use to smoke
Pot often & drank pretty often jn college. I was given medication my sophomore year but hardly hard it & felt shame. Post college I’m using my medication and also sometimes low doses of also prescribed but not for daily use Benzos for hard days. Anyone here have experience & tips. Started biz jn 2017 and now if’s s full career I’m responsible for, in the last year started second business with non ADHD partner and am interested in possibly earning passive income by becoming a Turo host people think I’m a genius but my close partners know my true mind I’m 25 and I feel Shame for my meds,& think of stopping. Any other ADHD PPL with stories of having biz or working for myself. | ADHD |
I keep doing things but feel like I’m doing them for the wrong reasons. I have pocd so if I’m on like YouTube or something I see like a girl and I feel like I wanted to look at it because I wanted to see CP. I would never actually go and search for something like CP but this little moments keep happening and they feel too real. Am I committing crimes? | OCD |
I wanted to wait a long time with making this post preferably after i ''beat'''ocd fully but since it turns out i only have the symptoms after a couple traumatic events, i dont have full diagnosed OCD. I am mostly in control of my thoughts and i realise all of my ocd symptoms are because of fear,panic, paranoia, which all stem from trauma, PTSD with ocd symptoms is more fair to say what i have right now. im still afraid of looking at people because of intrusive thoughts albeit im improving here by exposure, still have intrusive thoughts but they are becoming alot less everyday.
So heres my summary: You may have trauma not ocd, using benzodiazepines for the anxiety made my ocd thoughts worse and more frequent, it barely reduced my anxiety albeit it helped forgetting traumatic ocd experiences but i dont recommend. it takes me about 3 days to recover from 1 benzodiazepine pill in terms of ocd thoughts.
I used inositol and NAC supplements from the beginning to this day. they are supposed miracle workers for OCD albeit i notice nothing much from either personally, although NAC really does decrease effects of medicine which isnt good if you take that, and i felt my mood was worse without inositol. I personally really like ashwagandha it reduces cortisol for me and for some reason i feel like it reduces the mental intrusive images i get. Other than this i have tried l theanine but it made me agressive and worse ocd thoughts. I tried ST johns wort which is comparable to and sometimes as Strong and As effective as antidepressants, i felt like i had less ocd thoughts on it but it made my trauma thoughts worse. so i stopped.
I went into ERP therapy although what i experienced was 1 hour a week talking with barely any help with exposures. So ive been doing them on my own mostly succesfull. Erp is probably the best thing anyone can try although imo i havent had the full experience and had to do most of it myself, and yeah just say fuck it and do that shit and youl notice after when the fear goes away you will be less bother by your obsessions. Other than thoughts i had some things like washing my hands alot which i got completely over by just stopping that shit and touching things i normally would feel dirty if i didnt wash my hands after. Exposure exposure exposure.
Im going to try kanna extract as an alternative to antidepressants so if anyone wants to know how that goes let me know. I am also going to try hypnotherapy to reduce fear to obsessions and also to change my subconscious. it is not hocus pocus but proven effective.
I dont want to answer many questions here so success and i hope you will have benefited by reading this. | OCD |
I love my boyfriend so much, after a shitty relationship, he’s the man of my dreams. However, first, ocd thought he would cheat on me, then I would feel numb or question whether I loved him even though I knew I did. Now, I’m having sexual intrusive thoughts about any guy around. I’m not even attracted to them. And the worst part is I keep getting an ‘urge’ to cheat. I would NEVER cheat on him. I cheated when I was a kid back in HS and learnt from that. Anyone else experience these urges even though they they don’t want them? Have you overcame them? | OCD |
I am a germaphobe with bad contamination OCD and I come to work this morning to find my Peanut butter pretzels open and I'm positive someone ate them. I got them yesterday and nobody here washes their hands after the bathroom. 🙃😑😐 Exposure therapy? I had a handful. Regretting it. | OCD |
Anybody here dealt with ocd or anxiety around breaking promises to god? How did you get out of it? Same goes for anyone scrupulous | OCD |
**What is your Study:** Exploring how voice hearing is experienced across the phases of the menstrual cycle.
Do you have the experience of hearing a voice or voices (sometimes referred to as auditory verbal hallucinations)?
The University of the Sunshine coast is seeking people who are 18+ and have a menstrual cycle to participate in research looking to better understand how voice hearing experiences change over the different phases of the menstrual cycle.
Ethics Approval Number: S211566
**Lead Researcher Name:** Dr Rachel Brand
**Lead Researcher Credentials:** Clinical Psychologist: BSc (hons) *Manchester*, DClinPsy *London*, PhD *Swinburne*
**Institution Name:** The University of the Sunshine Coast
**Advisor (For thesis level):** Supervisor: Dr. Rachel Brand
**Will this work be published?:** It is hoped that this study will be published in peer reviewed journals
**Compensation:** Participants will receive a reimbursement to cover costs incurred such as mobile data usage. Whilst this study may not directly benefit you as an individual, it is thought that this research will improve the future understanding and management of voices.
**Method of study (In person, online):** Participants will be invited to complete three surveys over the course of one menstrual cycle through the use of a free mobile phone application.
**Time required:** Each survey will take approximately 10 minutes.
**Link for participation:** [**https://uniofsunshinecoast.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_dcegcQKsLfbV9cO**](https://uniofsunshinecoast.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_dcegcQKsLfbV9cO)
**Email to contact for questions:** Please contact Kirstyn van Niekerk (student researcher) via email at [k\_v017@student.usc.edu.au](mailto:k_v017@student.usc.edu.au) | OCD |
Unfortunately this is a small subreddit and as such there might not be mods around, or other people, to help you if you are in crisis.
Discord Sever
We have a discord chat for PTSD. Anyone is welcome, regardless of whether or not you have been diagnosed with PTSD. Here's a link: [https://discord.gg/YE2eN6K](https://discord.gg/YE2eN6K).
General Information
* NAMI.org is the national alliance on mental illness: [https://www.nami.org/](https://www.nami.org/)
* [Books for Recovery](http://recoveryisbeautiful.tumblr.com/post/99744401894/this-list-is-meant-for-educational-purposes-and-to)
* [App called "what's up?" on android, has general, helpful mental health resources](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.jacksontempra.apps.whatsup)
* [Screen Protector - a website to help avoid triggers in movies](https://www.screen-protect.me/)
PTSD Information
* [PTSD: Self Help, Symptoms, and Treatment](http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htm)
* [Mental Health America: PTSD](http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder)
* [Another PTSD forum (outside of reddit)](https://www.myptsd.com/)
* [The body keeps the score (book)](https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938)
* [Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (book)](https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/)
* [PTSD: National Center for PTSD - USA Department of Veterans Affairs](https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/index.asp)
Help With Anxiety
* [Dealing With Panic Attacks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4)
* [100,000 Stars](http://stars.chromeexperiments.com/)
If you feel like relapsing into self harm:
* [Self Help for Self Harm](http://au.reachout.com/self-help-for-self-harm)
If you are struggling with an addiction relapse:
* [Relapse Help](http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/relapse-prevention.htm)
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide:
* [Self Help for Suicidal Feelings](http://www.suicideline.org.au/at-risk/self-help-for-suicidal-feelings)
* [International Suicide Hotlines](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html)
* [International Association for Suicide Prevention](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/)
Dealing with Emotional Numbness
* [How to overcome emotional numbness](http://onlinecounsellingcollege.tumblr.com/post/63168024682/how-to-overcome-emotional-numbness)
Insomnia
* [Self help for insomnia](http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/insomnia/Pages/insomniatips.aspx) | ptsd |
So, to a lot of people this won't seem like much but I feel here it does, but! I had purchased new towels since I needed them but due to contamination OCD, was very weary. I washed and dried them (something I'd do, OCD or not) and then used one!
I'm having a bit of an anxiety spike about wether it was actually clean, ect. but it's mild and I'm hoping I can manage to keep it from escalating
Celebrate the small victories with OCD, it's these sorts of moments that indicate progress and/or can lead to it! Wish you all well! | OCD |
Hi. This is my first time posting on here, but I’m just looking for some input. I just turned 17, and I’ve been with my current psychiatrist since the age of 14. Ever since we first started meeting, she has suspected that my severe anxiety has been caused by OCD. She’s tested me repeatedly, told me I tested high on the scale, sent me to multiple therapists who specialize in ERP. However she never actually diagnosed me, and my last therapist told me that I’ve never been through actual ERP because of the lack of diagnosis. My psychiatrist has said multiple times that she focuses more on symptoms than diagnosis, but my parents and I feel that in order to actually help with my worsening symptoms, we need to push for a diagnosis. There are several studies my psychiatrist has recommended, but I’m looking into it we’ve found that in order to go I have to be diagnosed and covered by insurance. I’m wondering if it’s important that I push for a diagnosis, since my psychiatrist agrees that I do have OCD, and recently it’s been getting to the point that I feel virtually tortured every day by my symptoms. Thanks! | OCD |
Since the year is almost over and the holidays can be rough for some of us, let's take a moment and comment a positive thing in this thread whether it be achieving a goal of yours, overcoming a ptsd symptom, or improvement in some way ❤.
For me, after years of suppressing my emotions due to my brain trying to cope with the abuse I can no longer feel through emotions. At the beginning of the year I could no longer cry when I was sad or feel anything because my body's reaction to intense emotion or triggers is to shut down and feel nothing. Now, I am finally able to feel through my emotions and actually cry it out for a good 10 minutes before shutting down. | ptsd |
So I've been using dating apps to see if that would be the answer, seeing as real life hasn't done me any good lol. I realized that in the past, all the people I actually liked (and by all I mean 2 guys 🤣🤣) were my friends.
I've used two dating apps for a few months now, and I came to the realization that most people are looking to start relationships pretty much right away after talking for like a few weeks and going on a few dates, which is fine. But if you're like me, you rely on familiarity and established connection before even starting to maybe have feelings for someone.
It doesn't help either that I have a very joking/ sarcastic personality so guys usually mistake that I've been flirting with them the entire time when I was literally just trying to talk about something lol. Maybe this is just a me thing, but basically, I need someone who's willing to be friends first but it seems nobody has the patience for that. It's just like "okay, we matched. Let's go on a date, and that one date will determine if we like each other or not. If we do, good. If not, guess that's it."
That makes absolutely zero sense lol | aspergers |
Hi everyone, this is my first post here so I apologize if this is a repetitive post. I am really, really struggling to keep things straight. I have so many deadlines/tasks at work that I just lose track of so much. I have tried planners but I just can’t be consistent with them so I end up never using it. I don’t have a consistent place to keep everything organized and I honestly feel like I am drowning sometimes. I feel so defeated as I feel like my symptoms just get worse even with medication and I am just drained. If anyone has apps or things that actually work for people with ADHD please let me know. I have been thinking about getting an ipad mini to take notes on and keep myself organized because I like that I can search through my notes instead of flipping through pages because I simply won’t do the latter 🥴. I just need help and I’m so alone at work because no one else has these problems 😞 | ADHD |
Hi! I (f 35 anxious attachment) was dating someone (m 29 adhd & anxiety) long distance and it was going really well. Texting was great, phone calls were great. He literally said “I like you”. So we decide to meet and it’s like perfect. And not perfect in the sense that everything went perfectly because it absolutely did not 😂. It was perfect in how we both handled the incidents and what could have been majorly awkward moments were not at all. The next day we say our goodbyes, including “I’ll miss you” and “I can’t wait to see you again” from both of us. I go home back home and we’re still good but he’s not communicating as much, he tells me his anxiety is really bad and he’s not talking to anyone at all really. We would text for a few minutes at a time and I’d say something and he wouldn’t answer for hours. I get the anxiety, I do because I’m anxious too. And mine got the best of me. I texted him explaining that I wasn’t mad at him (because I really wasn’t and still am not) but my anxiety was telling me he didn’t like me anymore and if that’s true, please tell me. He never answered. Ghost city. Except he kept looking at my snap stories and insta stories (I’ve since removed him as a follower). Why would he ghost but still look at my socials? Did his adhd and anxiety play a role here? I’ve seen some posts about dating and how some people get overwhelmed because of their symptoms and will ghost accidentally but then because of anxiety will never answer. I know I’ll probably never get an answer about what happened, but I was just wondering if anyone has experienced this too? Either the ghoster or the ghostee and could provide some insight? | ADHD |
So I got my diagnosis last week and after the assessments around my heart etc... I'll be starting titration soon, I've read a lot about different meds lasting different times but I'm unsure what to expect when it comes to them wearing off.
So say for example I have 2 pills a day that lasts 4 hours each, is that 4 hours from the moment you take them to the moment it wears off or is it 4 hours from it 'taking effect' to it wearing off?
Is the wearing off part a crash or a fade-out? Once it's worn off will I be back to my completely unmedicated self or will there be enough meds left to allow me to coast until my next dose/bedtime?
Sorry for the wall of questions but this is giving me quite a bit of anxiety, I'm not even sure what sort of time frame I should ask for. I tend to work around 8 hours a day but I'd love to be productive and do some writing in the evening which I currently never have energy for, so my assumption is that I'd be better off on the 3-4 hours time doses and space them so I have one when I wake up and one mid-afternoon but I'm worried that I'll be useless for a few hours during the day or that I'll be too wired to sleep on the night. I'm presuming I'll be on a pretty low dose to start off so I'm hoping that I won't plummet after they wear off like I've heard from a couple of people but I'm not actually certain of that.
I know it's never a 'one size fits all' solution but I'd love to hear from you guys to see what sort of meds you are on and what your experience of them wearing off is like. | ADHD |
This is gonna be all over the place.
I got a new job. A real job with a salary that I SHOULD have graduated college for but didn’t and got anyway. I started Monday. To be honest, I’m overstimulated and underwhelmed. Long commute, boring job with boring people.
The people are all around my age, some a few years older, besides one guy who’s 52 who’ll come in later. This sounds dumb but I know these people were all “the popular crew” in high school. Like to talk about stocks and fantasy football and the weather. I’m utterly bored. The job itself is easy as shit. I’m honestly used to really high stress jobs.
My last job was me helping run a huge low income apartment complex. It was... insane. But I’m used to insane. My manager was the best. She’s 10 years older than me and we bonded over work, our personalities, chronic health issues that cause pain. I respected her. She’s in a lot of ways like me, maybe a lot better though? Idk. She is in pain like me yet kicks ass at work. Genuinely amazing human. We were close. If she wasn’t there, she’d call me on my break. We’d go drive around and smoke cigs and pick up donuts and just talk. Most of my jobs have been high stress. I actually like that. My mind is constantly going a trillion miles an hour. Work has become a drug. I am able to think about other things for a while.
I was the smart kid in school. Not a smart kid, THE smart kid. Just being honest. I was asked if I’d be a surgeon or lawyer. People were jealous of my test scores. I was totally the weird girl, but I made up for it in schoolwork. I read textbooks whole and regurgitated information perfectly. Yet I’ve spent my adulthood on 11/hr jobs. I can’t make up my mind with school. When I was 19 and on my third year of college I was raped and dropped out. Adulthood went downhill. It was always going downhill, but responsibilities of adulthood crushed me in some ways. Not work, more like my utter inability to have relationships, or even keep up with hygiene sometimes. I take tons of psych meds, they quiet my mind a little. It’s the only way right now.
I’m just bored and alone. I want to lobotomize myself listening to info about fantasy football. I’m even worse at having friendships than ten years ago, before I was even diagnosed way too late and was perpetually the weird girl. Still I feel even more than ever that nobody really knows me because I’m completely and totally unable to get even a tiny percentage of what’s going on in my head across to anyone. Romantic relationships especially have failed because of this. I’m cold and unfeeling and quiet and aloof even though there’s a complete acid trip going on in my brain. Even though I have too much emotion to bear.
I ended up alone with the 52 year old guy at my work. He immediately said to me “I don’t know if I’ll stay here.” I’ve always gotten on with older people better. We revealed to each other that we can’t even slightly relate to anyone else. He told me I was “real”, he could just tell. We talked about the place we both went to college at, spirituality, stuff like that.
Would I rather be normal or attractive? Goddamn. I’m conventionally really good looking. In fact I tend to be “alt”, I have an array of piercings and tattoos that men seem to love on a “conventionally attractive” woman in some way, even “normal-looking” guys. I have them simply because I enjoy them for myself. But being pretty and autistic is BS. No matter how my face and body look I’ll be alone. I’d dump my intelligence. I’d look boring or normal. I’d do anything if it meant I could relate to human beings. I’ve had these thoughts since I was probably 8 years old. I’m too painfully self aware. At age 6 I recognized nobody wanted to be friends with me. The word “freak” flashed through my head multiple times a day at school. My parents switched schools for me three times (as early as age 6) because I came home crying every single day unable to tell anyone what was wrong, and fell asleep at 5pm. Depression for life baby. I learned decades later that my preschool teacher had wanted me screened for autism because I didn’t interact whatsoever with other kids. I played alone, and by playing I mean I set up my toys in intricate patterns and screamed when someone knocked them over.
I come off as confident. I am ultra confident in some ways. I’m confident I’m intelligent. I know I have good things to say on the rare occasion I’ll say them. Since age 10 my security blanket has been the internet.
I’m lying in bed next to my cat. She’s the most important thing in the world to me. She can’t speak, she can’t communicate in a way I fully understand, she only wants food and attention and snuggles yet somehow she’s the only living being that makes me feel loved.
I mask well enough to be the perfect candidate for any job. I can pretend for a minute that I’m the perfect people person. I’m not. I’d rather be anything than what I am. That’s not a recent feeling, it’s been this way the vast majority of my life. Beauty is useless and my intelligence makes me an absolute basket case. I daydream maladaptively, living full lives in my head, doing things in my brain that I’m competent at on paper but will never, ever be able to do. Drugs help. Regular old psych drugs, cocaine, opioids, nicotine, Xanax. I’m not at the physical addiction point, but yes, I abuse drugs. All the time. It doesn’t feel like abuse, and I’ve tried to tell myself it’s not because I just cannot and can’t even imagine functioning at the bare minimum as I am without them.
I walk around with a flat, ambiguous affect, a cheerful voice, a pretty countenance, and confidence. But I’m a shell of a human being. I am able to successfully manipulate people into believing I’m semi-normal when I have never been able to function. I forget to eat until I have pain in my heart from malnutrition. I neglect my health. I overwork myself in order to numb myself to the world for a few hours and to fill my perpetually unquiet mind with menial thoughts for once. I get up every day simply because I’m supposed to. There’s just no other option.
This was long. To anyone who reads, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I want to scream, but I’m unable to, practically mute. The worst part about my autism specifically is my complete inability to actually express myself at all. To form relationships. To remember to clean myself, eat and work and talk all in the same day. | aspergers |
I know I'm smart, but even with adderall, I feel like all my knowledge is blocked by a barrier in my head.
"I know how to calculate force of friction, I understand the idea, but to actually get a numerical answer, as in putting all the puzzle pieces together, I can't do."
It's like I have to spend time unlocking each component from a mental jail cell. It's not neccecairly that I don't have focus, but rather that everyone i try to access my knowledge, my knowledge ran away or I just encounter a haziness, blurry obstacle on my head that requires an insane amount of focus to get over. | ADHD |
All my life I've always been different from others. Never met anyone with the same interests, trying to make friends was always hard and people have always felt uncomfortable around me when I try to socialize with them.
Well, it's Saturday night. I'm all alone, while all my family back home is at a dance, having fun with their friends and loved ones, posting videos on social media. I'd like to think I'd have a good time if I was there, but I know myself better than that. I'd either be an awkward third wheel being ignored by the group I'd try slipping into, or I'd be sitting in the corner too afraid to approach anyone. Both scenarios would just end up making me feel even more worthless and lonely.
I wish I wasn't who I am. I wish I was more confident, I wish I had the same interests as others, I wish I had someone who would care enough to check on me every now and then.
Watching others succeed socially makes me seethe with jealousy, the jealousy then melts into a deep feeling of self-hatred. It's not the world that's messed up, it's me. I'm the different one. I'm the one who doesn't get to fit in. I'm cursed to always be the outsider, looking in. It's such an awful punishment. | depression |
Hey everyone
I was diagnosed with ptsd about 6 years ago and have been in therapy with a psychologist since.
I've made a lot of progress over the years but even though so much has changed, I still suffer from chronic muscle pain.
My body is just super tense all the time and hurts all over. My back, neck and shoulders are the worst.
I feel like I tried everything to fix it but nothing really seems to help.
(I have tried: accupuncture, about 5 different physical therapists, sauna's, lost weight, dry needling, yoga, infrared, magnesium supplements)
Have any of you found something that really works for you? | ptsd |
Like, can someone out there actually explain the scientific reasoning behind why my brain functions this way? I am **TIRED**. I just want to be normal. How can I get better? | OCD |
Is it possible to experience PTSD decades after the trauma occured? | ptsd |
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the feeling that my own actions could possibly save the lives of those I love. Whether it was my keeping my mom from dying in a tragic car accident and having a mental image of me staring at her casket flash in my mind or if it was keeping my brother safe from the boogeyman, I have always felt compelled to try something. If my actions, or what i later learned are compulsions can make a small difference and help keep someone safe, why would I not just walk back and check the light while counting to eleven three times in a row? It’s nonsensical. It’s illogical, but, yes, I still get these thoughts. It’s because I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD.
My earliest obsession that I remember was about telling my little brother the same thing every night. He slept in the bunk bed above me and every night I would tell him “I love you. I have you have good dreams. Please know you can always talk to me about anything.” I said this to my brother ritually because my brain was telling me that if I didn’t my brother would die in his sleep and I’d never have the chance to tell him that. Or worse my brother would die and be mad at me, with me having no recourse to right my unsuspecting wrong prior to his unseemly and early demise. Again, it doesn’t make sense, but to a 9 year old it felt quite burdensome.
Then came the religious aspect. It was around this time that I was exposed to Christianity and the idea of being saved. Through learning about the concept of heaven I was also taught that an inverse existed: hell. This would be my OCD’s playground for the next several years.
I was taught the Lord’s Prayer and I felt that I had to say it a certain number of times each night in order for God to deem me, a lowly 9 year old sinner, as “worthy” of the kingdom. This number felt absolutely imperative that I complete the prayers otherwise I might die in my sleep and go to hell. So I stayed up and said the prayers over and over. To say the Lord’s Prayer over 100 times in an evening was exhausting for my brain. Then afterwards to have to convince myself that I had met my requisite demands and would be allowed into heaven.
Then came puberty and picking my face. I had acne and I was extremely self conscious about it. I picked at my face and created scars only making things worse. I picked at my skin and would put paper clips under my fingernails because the pain allowed temporary relief. It was possibly to ease my mind because it was a distraction from the constant heavy stuff I was considering.
This is also when the intrusive thoughts began to materialize and get worse. It would be near constant that when I was speaking with someone I would get strange sexual or violent intrusive thoughts. I had no desire to act on them and I was in fact utterly confused and disgusted by them. They only compounded my confusion - how could I, the person who just thought about pushing someone down the stairs or holding another dude’s hand, be worthy of heaven. It led me to question every sense of my being as a person. I didn’t have a foundation to question but I still felt more confused because these thoughts were coming from me, maybe I wasn’t worthy of heaven. Maybe I was even dangerous or worse a monster and needed to be kept away from people so that I didn’t cause pain. I didn’t know at the time that these strange violent or sexual thoughts were apart of my mental illness. A distressing prod from OCD followed by compulsions to pray or reassure myself about everything.
My relationships in college included me constantly seeking reassurances from myself that my friends didn’t secretly hate me. I knew that it wasn’t normal because I was exhausted. I can remember thinking to myself why is nobody talking about this? And then I remember thinking, that I didn’t want to talk about it either because it involved weird, embarrassing or even taboo topics that my intrusive thoughts seized upon and weaponized my own worst fears against me. Amazing nobody wants to discuss that with their loved ones regularly.
In law school, the pressure ratcheted up and I knew I wasn’t right with all the compulsions I had to do just to make it through the day. Between the mental aspects of dealing with absolute chaotic intrusive thoughts, reassuring myself i was a decent person and physical manifestations of compulsions like repeatedly checking my bottom floor apartment to ensure I hadn’t killed the 300 other tenants in the building - I was exhausted. Luckily, my then girlfriend now wife was able to make it through the mush that is my brain through sheer effort and love she convinced me to get help. I didn’t tell anyone but her and I remember hoping nobody recognized me as I walked in to see a psychiatrist.
I’d like to say things got better there and I learned how to control things, but they didn’t necessarily get worse either. That’s one of the tricks that ocd plays on you. It makes you think you’re stuck in the middle of something and it’s incredibly daunting to make it out. You should just give up and give in to these compulsions rather than actually try to fight all this. I got married and had a child and became a lawyer all very quickly. It was a ton of change and my anxiety was heightened.
Recently I’ve had debilitating panic attacks and have felt the a sense of terror surge though me that I have never felt before. My panic attacks can feel all consuming and physically manifest themselves with weird symptoms like my hands cramping from hyperventilating. I’m seeing a therapist and trying different medications to get the balance right. I know that I am less anxious when I practice self care. It’s a process that I’m trying to learn because for most of my adult life I’ve lived with this secret that I felt like was all my own. Nobody ever mentions this kind of suffering for obvious reasons and popular culture portrays ocd as a neat assigning of colors and rows.
I believe if we talk about our struggles more openly and practice empathy with each other we can help people suffer less. I suffered silently for a long time because I was scared to death what people would think of me if they found out I was broken - but what I was unable to see was that there are others out there suffering too.
We are stronger together if we talk about these things openly but it takes courage. I have debated on speaking out about my struggles for sometime but I read something recently and it cemented that I had to speak out.
If I recover loudly maybe other won’t have to suffer silently.
I believe if someone had spoken to me and told me this was a disorder in my brain, it could have saved me a lot of suffering. I want kids and teens to know that intrusive thoughts and ocd exist. If it means one less kid going to school tired from being up too late saying prayers then it is worth it. My pride is not more important than other people’s suffering. I’m in a position to speak out and positively impact people.
If you or someone you love has OCD please know I’m walking this journey with you. I don’t have the answers but I do know we can beat this. Together. | OCD |
I posted an article on Facebook about PTSD and my exfiance's aunt commented on it ' Why did you have this? Were you in the service'
I immediately want to respond and defend myself. But I realized I don't need to open myself up about my traumas on a Facebook comment.
Just because you don't have PTSD from combat experience doesn't mean you weren't traumatized. And you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. If you opened up to a therapist and they diagnosed you with PTSD that's all the justification you need.
I think I'm just going to respond to her with general information about PTSD. Because my trauma isn't anyone's buisness but mine. | ptsd |
TLCR; Things that I know I like and genuinely want to do are locked behind a "I don't wanna" door and I haven't got a key. Looking for advice on convincing myself to do things that I know I will find meaningful.
I feel like sometimes my brain forgets the things I like to do. For example, I know that I love drawing. I bought myself a very expensive (for me at the time) graphic tablet. I really enjoy using it and I often times have ideas for things that I actually WANT to draw! But for some reason I can't. I don't know if it's the idea of going upstairs to get my tablet and setting it up to use or the daunting task of taking in a project that's several hours long that stops me. I know that I have fun using it and that I love the feeling of completing an illustration. So why can't I just do it?
It's so frustrating to not be able to do the things I like. My head is full of ideas and thoughts that I'm just unable to follow through on. There's nothing physically stopping me from doing what I want but it almost feels like I'm having to convince a second person that it's something interesting with a worthwhile outcome.
In the end, I can deal with it at home. Usually I end up doing something pointless with no real reward. It feels like I just waste time with whatever random things I end up doing (scrolling usually). But if I enjoy myself while doing it, I suppose I don't mind too much.
The biggest problem is at my new job. I've wanted this job since I was 16 (24 atm) and spent 6 years in higher education to become qualified to do it. I find the subject matter interesting and the outcome rewarding. But things that I WANT to do as part of the job role are overshadowed by having to convince myself to do them. As a result, things take me much longer than they should because I spend so much time corralling my thoughts and having to force myself to focus on the task at hand. By the end of the day I am mentally exhausted.
Is this an ADHD thing or is this just my own brain being dumb? I'd love to know if there's any strategies that people use to get around that "I don't wanna" wall. The things I find really meaningful and important just feel unobtainable sometimes and the only one standing in my way is myself. How did you guys get over this? Any advice would be appreciated. | ADHD |
Today I tried to get my Anatomy notes done after struggling with task paralysis these past few weeks. (I’m in college and since freshman year its been overwhelming) I finally got around to doing it and I really pushed myself, but towards the end my body felt like it was going to explode. Continuing began to get physically uncomfortable for me, to the point where I was almost in tears. I finished the section I wanted to, but I barely finished the last sentence due to how badly I felt. It wasn’t painful per se, just a really uncomfortable feeling. I’ve experienced task paralysis for as long as I can remember (even pre-diagnosis) but I’ve never felt anything like this before. I felt so alone and frustrated with myself. Has anyone else experienced this, or something similar? | ADHD |
I remember staying at my grans when I was young, getting out the bath, drying myself and asking for another towel because the one I had had got too wet. What she said blew my mind - "Use the other side". Like, towels have two sides and one can be wet while the other quite dry. I don't honestly know when I would have figured this out (if ever).
I think 99% of people reading this will think this is the stupidest thing they've read and I'm embarrassed for posting it, but I also think there's 0.1% of you that will be blown away by the concept of towels having two sides just like I was.
Is there anything that you think seems very obvious but you needed it explicity explained? | aspergers |
So I applied at my local chapter of the autism society for a manager position. My interview is 8/31! I haven't worked in 20 years! I want to work! Send me some good vibes! | aspergers |
My intrusive thoughts just happened since a month ago. If i get diagnosed and If i take medication, will it be only like 1 year medication? Or it keeps going to 2yrs-10yrs? | OCD |
every time something traumatic has happened to me in the last 2 years my adhd got significantly worse. i also read a very old post from here about how the memory loss isn't really memory loss, it's more like, you weren't really paying attention anyway, not enough to form a memory.
i'm wondering if anyone has experienced what i have and if they noticed their forgetfulness improve on either scale (although i'm assuming the bigger scale than the smaller one) as they became less miserable, traumatized, etc, and more at peace. | ADHD |
Thanks to this subreddit I finally understand why people look at me weird when I take 30 seconds to reply to a simple question. It wasn’t 30 seconds- it was 8 minutes and I had no idea I took that long to respond.
Now there’s a neat term that sums up my need to set 3 alarms or I’ll sneeze and miss a meeting I had been telling myself all day to be on time to. Timeblind.
On the other hand- if I ever wanted to be a story teller, I’d have no problem talking about a hyperfocus/ special interest at length for 7-10 minutes. Bam that’s an entire YouTube video. | ADHD |
Up until then, I could deal with OCD and manage to live a relatively normal life. I've had OCD for over a decade now.
But not anymore. In early march 2020, at about 7pm a cockroach flew into my bedroom from the window. I panicked and killed it. After that, I spent the next 10 hours mopping the floor and cleaning every single object in my room and adjacent rooms. I only finished and crashed in my bed to sleep after the sun had risen.
Then a week later it happened again. I was still mentally exhausted from the first incident. Same thing all over. My mind went haywire. After that, I never ever left the windows open after 6 again. NEVER. After months of complete paranoia, I started calming down and behaving more normally.
Then it happened once again last december, new year's eve. I won't go into detail but it was very painful.
Since then I've become obsessed about protecting myself and my house from cockroaches, I threw away important documents from work because I thought the roach came in contact with them and paper can't be cleaned.
I am now extremely paranoid and every single time I see an insect that looks like a cockroach, even small ones, I clean everything in a burst of anxiety and pain.
My life, in one year, went from manageable to completely untenable. I can't mantain any sense of normalcy anymore and my life has been nothing but pain and anxiety except from a few hours of escapism late at night, with headphones on, watching movies.
I reached for help byt a crappy psychiatrist said a bunch of nonsense and didn't want to medicate me, even if medicated I don't know if I could let go of these rituals as I am so afraid anything is a roach and is making my things dirty.
Suicide has crossed my mind for the first time. I don't know what I need, only that I need help fast. | OCD |
In April of this year I got a knock at the door which no one wants. It was about 5am. I open the door and 3 cops are stood there. They’re here to tell me that my mother has died. She was the only family I had left, dad disappeared when I was an infant and mom had no siblings and her parents passed away when I was a young kid. Recently, last 2 months or so, I keep having this thing happen almost every single night. I’ll wake up early hours of the morning to the sound of someone knocking my door. At first I used to check if anyone was there and there never was. Now I don’t bother, I just stay awake for a minute or two to see if it knocks again but most time I just fall back asleep. The whole phenomenon seemed to coincide with the fact my friends all slowly stopped talking to me. Around about the time it started up, the last of my friends was slowly backing away - not reply to messages, whenever I called him it would go straight to voicemail (but if I used no caller ID he would answer and usually say “oh let me call you back I’m just in the middle of something.”) anyway long story short most of them have blocked me but no one replies or if they do it’s usually about 3 or 4 days after I message them and they’ll just reply something like “sorry been busy”, “sorry forgot to reply to this”.
Any ideas people? Appreciate it. | ptsd |
Tl;dr- I cope with having terrible social skills with being a clown
I'm not entirely sure if this is an ADHD thing but I'm always the clown of the group. I make a ton of jokes and always the butt of jokes. But honestly if I didn't my god awful social skills/social anxiety would show. It's kind of the only way I know how to make friends. I started to develop this sense of humor during high school, and before that I was extremely lonely. Even when I'm not trying I'll do something to make people laugh. I'm not trying to brag but there is a big difference when people react to me vs other people. I enjoy making people laugh, but sometimes it gets to the point where no one takes me seriously. Kind of like a boy who cried wolf situation. And a lot of times I'll say something offensive, because I think its funny, and just realize i'm being an asshole or annoying. I lose a lot of friends this way. I wanted to make this post to vent and because I hope that someone can relate. I'm not really sure if I'm upset about this, but I just feel like maybe its ruining friendships? Outside of the jokes I can't really offer much to friendships. I'm always there for people if they need to vent or cry or something but its kinda worthless since people barely want to talk to me. I'm generally unpopular in every friend group i'm in. I'm always having to start conversations. Or maybe i'm just being a bitch about it, and I need to toughen up. I don't know, thanks for reading this. | ADHD |
Listen I have crippling anxiety that makes it so I can’t leave my crappy apartment I can barely afford on disability. So I have pretty bad depression. Not sure what came first. All I know is it started when I was like 13. First fainting anxiety attack at like 14 or 15.
So I’ve been trying to get help for forever and it’s really depressing itself how Little support there is out there. I wish I lived in a apartment building with peole in similar situations that could have meetings on site and other support.
Anyways I see people posbig desperate posts on here even threatening suicide. An online message board is not the place. If you truly feel that is a real option TELL SOMEONE in real life. Go to your family dr if that’s who you can see first. Look up group meetings for depression. I wish some online video good groups were around.
You need to take action to change your path. Do it. | depression |
I lost my credit card and had to get a new one, and I knew the moment I did it that something would get messed up. It’s been like whack-a-mole trying to get every account updated. Combine that with the fact that I hate checking my email, and it takes me a week to get my mail from the box and 2-4 more to open it, I was already on a time crunch by the time I realized my renters insurance hadn’t been paid.
I only have 90 minutes a day between the end of work and when they close, so unsurprisingly I failed to meet that window repeatedly. Today I finally called 20 minutes before they closed and was told that my policy had lapsed as of two weeks ago and I would have to get quoted to purchase a new one, but that the brokers who could do that are not in the office on the weekends and I would have to call back on Monday.
I know she could hear the hesitation in my voice as I tried to agree to starting this internal battle over again.
She told me she would call me back on Monday so that I don’t have to worry about remembering to call. I semi-joked about adult ADHD and she was like “SAME and I have a small child, I feel you.”
I still might cry. Thank you, Jacklyn/Jacqueline!!!! | ADHD |
I reached out to various of therapists asking them to provide me help with my ADHD, since I speculate I have it. I’ve been told I don’t have it because I am in capable of choosing what I want to wear, one therapist told me rape isn’t rape if you’re in a relationship (irrelevant to ADHD, but I’m just trying to say what kinds of therapists I’ve met so far). I was diagnosed with depression, schizophrenia and a mood disorder, almost diagnosed with dysfunctional anxiety. I have been taking many types of medications but none helped; no one wanted to listen to me when I spoke about ADHD. I feel helpless, all I want to do is be in able to work and study. Ever since my friend told me I might have ADHD, I felt like maybe I wasn’t stupid, but I simply have a disorder and with professional help, I could get at least a bit better. Please, I need someone’s advice very desperately. Thank you. | ADHD |
I experienced two traumatic events back to back; a very toxic and abusive relationship and my dads suicide. Ironically, the day contact was cut with my ex was the day my dad died. Life can be like that.
Anyway, I was numb for the longest time beside the panic I would feel at times when something reminded me of the events. I never really mourned until last night. It just hit me that yeah, everything was so, so fucked up and I’m gonna be down for a long time. Through almost no fault of my own, life kicked me in the dick and I’ll be affected for probably years to come. So, I finally cried.
And I feel a lot better. I got it out of my system. It’s not easy, but I’m here handling it. I was just diagnosed a couple months ago so I know I still have a long road ahead, but I feel like I made a big step last night and I’m happy. | ptsd |
Today has been rough. I woke up at 7, after only 5 hours of sleep, to give myself time to make my food and drive to my mom's house, which is ~2.5 hours away. I'm making my own food because I am the only vegan in the family, so I know they wouldn't cook me anything. Dinner was going to be early (12:00) because she works tonight. That gave me 2-ish hours to cook my food, it's tight but doable. (Doable for somebody without ADHD)
I had to go to the grocery store twice because forgot to buy ingredients. I had to clean dishes at I went to be able to cook other things. Long story short, I am still not done cooking.
I broke down in the kitchen and cried because I was so overwhelmed. I called my mom saying that I don't even want to go anymore, and she said I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. It took me a bit to remember that emotional dysregulation was common with people with adhd.
I still have no idea why it took 22 years for me to get diagnosed. | ADHD |
https://youtu.be/BEfTGB5UzT0
https://youtu.be/gaIVzdJ2V5w
https://youtu.be/a6a5HTsYCSY
https://youtu.be/JmSXo0XdWoA | aspergers |
Hey guys, im wondering if someone has this problem too.
Whenever i buy something new (game, album, funko, book...) i get home and im staring at it from all different angles to get confirmation that it really is what it is. Or if im not staring at it, im using everything else i can to get that confirmation.
For example, i rented the Lord of the Rings Trilogy from Apple this weekend so i could watch it in 4K for the first time. But i kept checking the tv settings if it really is 4k hdr. Then i went to Youtube to watch some comparison videos to get confirmation again. I ended up not enjoying the movies as much because i was still checking if its 4K or not.
Then there is also a problem for me with checking the prize. If i really spend the money that are shown on the bill and not more.
Excuse my English. | OCD |
I \[21M\] am not sure if I have OCD, but I struggle very badly with obsessive thoughts. I live in my head.
For example, I am very often involuntarily thinking about a specific place that I've been to before (e.g., my former middle school, a beach that I visited a couple weeks ago, my uncle's house, etc.)
Also, I realized that I live in my mind, and so I started paying attention to things in real life (i.e., I use the Grounding technique). However, this hasn't been very effective since it's been very hard to pay attention to real-life, but I am still practicing it.
What are some great mindfulness exercises to help someone overcome this? | OCD |
I have ADHD and I am struggling with executive dysfunction because of that, and besides these things, I have maladaptive daydreaming. I prescribed Concerta and using it but it is impossible for me to start anything. I am aware that I have to get up and study and I try to study, but I can't start in any way (by the way, I also experience this with things like eating, going out, but I haven't finished university for years and my priority is to get my degree), I feel like I am looking at a speeding car in the middle of the road but can't get out to save myself, I know have to step back and it will be okay but I can't. I don't know what to do, those in my situation how did you deal with this situation? In addition to the executive dysfunction part of my question, how did you deal with ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming together? I use my meds but I cannot start anything so I just waste my time and my pills. | ADHD |
It's been over three years since I (M/23) was in a really abusive relationship with someone who abused me verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically (I got hit a few times). I've had reccuring nightmares and flashbacks that throw me back into those same states of helplessness and distress that I felt back then. I even was suicidal during that time. I guard myself to not get hurt again. I isolate myself.
I know that I have PTSD from that abusive relationship.
I am now in a relationship with the most amazing and kind woman (F/22) I've ever known. She understands what I've been through and how it affects me. She has helped me try to work through it and address it. Overall, I'm happy to be with her.
But lately I had flashbacks again from the previous abusive relationship. Usually I can shake them off in an hourish. But they've been sticking with me since last night. I had an emotional breakdown last night (crying fit and hitting myself). Today I'm not okay. I'm struggling really hard today. I've been irritable, isolating myself in my room, I've been tired all day which usually doesn't happen, I can't focus for shit, and I've been self loathing all day. I love reading philosophy but today I don't feel like doing that.
On top of this, I have been thinking to myself that it's all my fault and I deserve all of it and I don't deserve anyone who will be kind to me.
Overall, with the quarantine happening and the fact I can't see my girlfriend, I'm fucking miserable.
If no one responds or even reads this, that's fine. I just needed to get all of these thoughts out there somewhere because I don't use social media and I barely talk to anyone. | ptsd |
TikTok: The reason America is definitely not number one (amid other reasons). Anyone else want to smash nearly everyone’s phone that subjects themselves to this mind-numbing stupidity? How much worse can it get? | aspergers |
I keep seeing in the news that it's so hard to get in to see a therapist and psychiatric provider. I can't help but feel guilty for getting those services when I know others need them more.
I haven't been hospitalized for mental health in over two years. Now hospitals say don't come unless you have an acute problem. To me that means they do all they can do avoid psych admissions.
I tried to get disability, and lost in front of the judge. The only reason I keep up my treatment is because I appealed and may have to see the judge again. They would question why I quit treatment.
I feel so selfish. I can "function" without treatment, though I'm miserable. I need to suck it up and just realize life is supposed to be that way. | depression |
So, usually for Thanksgiving I end up spending it alone with my partner or with family in the past, but I decided this year I was going to host a small holiday for my mom, my partner and me.
I never did it in the past because the thought of getting everything cleaned, then cooked .. etc was extremely daunting, but since I turned cleaning into a coping mechanism for stress I thought it would be more manageable.
Now, did I spend from 11:00 until 2 the night before cleaning, and did I have 2 small meltdowns that day? Yes, yes I did.. but, other than that it was a total success!
I'm 39, so you think I would of done this by now.. but it's never too late, and I'm extremely proud of myself. | ADHD |
So I keep having intrusive images of young girls doing sexual things. Today tho when I’ve been getting these thoughts I have anxiety pierce through my body and it honestly physically hurts. I twitch when it happens and my whole body gets super hot and I start to sweat. Every time I get these thoughts tho I feel false attraction. So I don’t think I should feel attraction. But also if I was truly attracted I don’t think my body would do that. So do I really like these thoughts or is it my OCD causing false attraction? | OCD |
Sometimes my ocd gets so bad that I have this thought that I wish I was a terrible person so I wouldn't have to feel so horrible, but then I feel even worse because it's selfish to think that and I don't want to hurt people. I think it's an intrusive thought but I'm not sure. Maybe I just wish I didn't care so much about everything all the time. | OCD |
Let's brainstorm or share our ideas of what the hell is the purpose of living ~80 years | depression |
I recently came to a realization that I’m okay with being alone and just stopped caring about things. People don’t check on me unless I check on them. I deleted Facebook and I plan on deleting social media soon. I have never been close to my family. (just my mom, dad, niece, and nephew) I plan on deleting people from my town, and family once I graduate college. | depression |
Is it just me who starts watching a show, gets a few seasons in and then cannot for the life of me continue? For example I’m currently:
On season 3 of Pretty Little Liars
On season 4 of Teen Wolf
On season 2 of Criminal Minds
On season 4 of Young Sheldon
On season 2 of Shameless
On season 3 of Suits
And although I want to watch all of these shows so bad, I just keep rewatching Brooklyn 99 over and over again. I’m not even exaggerating I’ve watched it atleast 15 times, I finish it and then just go right back to episode one even though I’d desperately love to find out what happens in Teen Wolf or Shameless | ADHD |
I've (19f) never been to a psychiatrist before. My therapist referred me to one because I scored very high on her ADHD assessment and need to get officially diagnosed and put on meds. I've been on antidepressants for anxiety and depression since I was about 6 years old. Do you guys have any tips for me? I'm super nervous! My (suspected) ADHD has been wrecking my life and making me struggle A LOT in college. I got excellent grades in school and I don't struggle holding a job, and I'm worried that'll throw off her opinion of me. What should I expect at my first appointment? Thanks guys! | ADHD |
I pushed my mum during an anxiety attack and I feel like I want to die. i am clearly a vile disgusting person and I have horrible thoughts and I deserve to die. i could have not pushed her. everyone on Reddit thinks I'm a disgrace. my boyfriend said I find a way to blame all my flaws on some things, so this means I'm blaming ocd of my disgusting to get away with being a vile, narcissistic person? i delude myself every day and actually, I deserve tp die. i do not deserve him like he says and my mum has to deal with a horrible daughter
edit: thank you for the comments they helped me get out of bed today | OCD |
This fear eats me up everyday. The thought of all my friends and family leaving me is terrifying. I never want to be alone. I have the best family and friends. I love them all very dearly and I’m constantly scared of losing them. I struggle with uncertain/false memories regarding POCD. They have been haunting me for about a month now, but I had POCD for months. I keep imagining a scenario where I confess and the next I know I’m out on the streets having to fend for myself. I can’t keep living in fear like this. It is killing me. If anyone has any insight or advice to share please do. | OCD |
I’ve been feeling so disconnected from the world and people around me. I feel my relationships crumbling around me and the more I feel like I’m losing everything the more I just feel like isolating and drifting away from reality. I want to stop feeling like no one understands. I feel so trapped in my head, trapped in my fears of abandonment. And I still don’t understand what made me this way my memory feels so fuzzy I know bad stuff has happened but when I try to recall it I can’t put together the pieces. I keep feeling like this isn’t real like it’s all in my head and it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be. Shouldn’t I remember something terrible that fucked me up for life?? I feel like I’m so close to just falling apart. | ptsd |
I've read many posts on this subreddit about how users on this platform suffered abuse at the hands of their schoolmates/teachers/abused or are still suffering abuse. I've given a few posts detailing my traumatic experiences too. But I don't actually believe that Neurotypicals are entirely to blame for our shortcomings in life. I think (this is my opinion) that a large portion of you who state to be abused may be suffering from narcissistic abuse. Just think of it, people belittling you because of your condition to make themselves feel superior. People invalidating your experiences/emotions to undermine you, those are classic examples of gaslighting tactics. I'm wondering if some of you actually know this and are subscribed to the r/raisedbynarcissists channel.
My point is that in spite of everything some of us on this subreddit have suffered, NTs aren't completely at fault, Narcissists do a lot of damage in our lives. What I'm encouraging some of you on this subreddit to do is to become more aware of human psychology, do some independent research if you care to. Learn about things like Narcissism, Psychopathy, Sociopathy etc. This will help us become more aware of our environment and will enable us to take measures to avoid certain people/circumstances that may lead to unhappiness and distress in our lives.
That is all, thanks for reading fellow Aspies. | aspergers |
I suffer from OCD as all of us do. Bear with me on this. So I was 18 living in Italy (no idea I had ocd at this point, life was amazing). One day I tried having sex with a girl I was super drunk and couldn't get it up. I think there is where my first real obsession came up (my whole life ive been a crazy hypochondriac so i probably had it my whole life). For an entire year I was obsessed with my sex drive libido i thought i had nerve issues and litterally went to the dr multiple times checking blood work and urologists. Never was satisfied.. whatever that went away. A year later i'm smoking weed with friends (nothing new always did). I start freaking out and go into mass panic. Litterally thought I was going to die. I go to the hospital and went through a pretty traumatic experience didnt know what was going on. At that point I had HIGH anxiety every second of every day.. couldnt leave the house, it was bad... maybe 2 weeks later i had my first intrusive harm thought started freaking out googling for ours. Came across ocd.. struggled with ocd now for 3-4 years. I now have ZERO, anxiety toward all of my thoughts. But I still ruminate and go back and fourth and have those thoughts 24/7. I know this is no way to live life.. what happened to the old me that loved themselves? At this point i feel like i'm maybe experiencing depression.. my thoughts are more directed to self sabotage and thoughts about hating myself.. purposely making myself suffer.. idk if its a new theme or depression.. i do all my things i have to do. I work fulltime, I have a successful relationship, beautiful home and car. I noticed my libido is low i have to force myself to have sex and it takes me forever to orgasm. And no i'm not on any meds. But im debating on going on them to see if my mood will raise and maybe my libido? when i try to think of a solid plan for recovery my mind is like no you're evil and want to suffer forever and then i compulsively spiral on whether or not im insane and want to suffer. I dont feel like myself at all and i feel like i have a terrible relationship with myself.. not sure what is a good step.. like i said no anxiety.. i live my life but i feel kinda bleh about everything.. debating on whether or not meds are necessary for me.. how do i know if im just chemically imbalanced.. how do i know if its diet.. how do i know if its a underlying health condition.. i am so sick and tired of being miserable | OCD |
I think I’m experiencing a trauma bonded relationship right now. But I am so broken, so fucked up in the head. That I can’t even grasp it. I began dating someone in May of this year and it was a whirlwind. But after the first time he yelled, then the second, then stopped the “apologies”, then stopped valuing me altogether I began to tell him he was hurting me when he did and it was not pretty. Now it is name calling. Today, he ended things again because I told him I wouldn’t blow him up at work. But he said some disturbing stuff this AM about never being happy, and he doesn’t even want to try to be in life, or deserve it,so I sent him some long paragraphs (loving, supportive, asking him to open up and trust me). At the end I apologized and said “read these after work. Just some thoughts. “ I get back some normal replies. Then after work “Dear god your fucking stupid” … he spelt your that way, yes. Oh, the irony. “Your a fucking cunt. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. I’m downloading tinder “. Last week he told me he hoped I would die and that he hated me. I still went back, accepted a hug as an apology for that? Is this abuse ? My mind tells me I love this person? THIS person? But seriously I feel too dramatic to call it abuse. I’m fucking stupid after all.
I endured so much from him that it makes me physically weak. What am I trying to prove ? I know step one is realizing this bullshit and I’m there. Mostly. But if he texted back I would reply. His last words were “driving by your house right now 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼” and I sent back another loving and confused text. How I’ll miss him. Etc. the fucking usual. Chase chase chase. This isn’t in relationship advice because it is over and I want to get perspective from those who may see some things as I do.
Besides him. My normal behaviors alarmed my parents when I opened up recently (I’m too embarrassed to share the relationship shit, somehow my family sees me as strong?? )I told them each time I look I the mirror, since I can remember, I have picked apart something. I go week to week choosing something new on my body and face. “You’re so beautiful “ blah blah stop lying. I feel like I’m going nowhere when I have a decent job and wonderful family and friends. I have never cared if I lived or died. I just don’t feel like my shit is worthy of talking about. I allow myself to be treated like scum because I myself think I am. That’s what I know everyone would say. Of course I feel like a burden often. Unlikeable constantly. But it goes beyond that. I don’t think I’m smart enough, talented at all in anything , funny or fun. I’m not bubbly. Like I have nothing to offer but my body. Which makes me hide away because the stares are just judgement. I will die alone.
I give so much and it is never given back. Nonstop give my time and effort. People abandon me. So I must be the difficult one. We had a great night last night and today we are broken up like I never meant anything. I looked up an article about narcissists and out of the 15 reasons the therapist wrote out- he hit them all. Perfectly. Yet I still think it’s me? I really do. I must be in the wrong because how could someone flip that fast?
We broke up for a few weeks but stayed in contact once, he got a new gf, told her he loved her on the first date. She found out about us being in contact - I had no idea she existed. I still took him back. He was going to try to date us both at once ( unconfirmed , because he refuses to EVER communicate or answer my questions ) and I TOOK. HIM. BACK. oh and I chased him. So he took ME back. I see how pathetic I have been then still go hurt myself and destroy my pride. Like I’m watching a bad movie.
I explained sometimes I need reassurance. My depression has never meant anything to me to fix…my indifference and self sabotage are my all star depression symptoms, so him not caring or asking how I was EVER barely phased me. I’m not enough for anyone. I care so deeply, support everyone, but get nothing back. Ever. I scream into a void to tell him how much he means. How great he is. Nothing. But I’m the same to myself. I tell myself to get it together but I’m now neglecting my health, work , and retreating from anything social. He’s fine. He’s out and about ! Why can’t I shut off the pain just once and be someone who actually finds love.
I have lost myself. Again. And I don’t even know how to get through a day. I know it sounds stupid, just watch Netflix you twat, but I can’t focus. I feel abandoned for no reason then feel crazy for thinking I’m blameless. But in brief moments of clarity I know I may be.. all I did wrong was text long ass essays if he ignored my questions for over 3 weeks. ALWAYS WEEKS. he lived with me because he “hated his brother”. Mental torture.
As a depressed person I’m not sure I can ever date or fall in love again. The lows I have experienced recently are dangerous. I ignored all of my red flags and plowed through the tough times until now, where I can barely get off the shower floor. While he sleeps with every girl in town. I’m an adult and this is what I care about? I hate myself more than he does. All I want to do is sore and lobotomize myself. I can’t handle anything. Properly. Sorry for the rant, it lagged while I typed so apologies for misspellings as well. | depression |
I have both OCD and Bipolar, and despite genuinely needing treatment, I can't set foot in a hospital. My OCD *controls* me, and I can stand maybe a couple of hours if everything is regulated "just so". But I really need to take some time and have a stay there, and I can't. My therapist has been prodding me, and I know how crazy depressed and just plain crazy I've been, but I just can't do it. I can't go. And it's tearing me apart. It's been *months* literally months like this. Even in the throws of a *psychotic break* I can't go (brought on multiple times by SSRIs and mood stabilizers meant to treat my myriad of problems *including*, but not limited to, the OCD - even as recently as 2 weeks ago!).
Honestly, what do you do if you are too OCD to go to the hospital? | OCD |
I started medication fairly recently, and other then the initial, “My thoughts aren’t constant?” moment, I’ve had a lot of other positive but smaller changes.
For example, can I just say it’s so nice to be able to read when it’s not silent!
Before, I could be in an almost silent room, but not be able to read because I was focusing on someone’s breathing.
Now I can write and read when people are having conversations, because it’s background noise! That’s a thing now! Background noise!
The meds are working! Maybe not fully yet, but this is amazing! | ADHD |
My preoccupation with brain damage is by far my worst obsession currently. The fear is so pervasive and permeates nearly every facet of my life. These are some of the ways it manifests on a daily basis:
- fear that I have a disease which will destroy my brain/give me dementia (untreated syphilis, untreated HIV ——> I’ve even been tested for these but I still believe I have them).
- fear that I have a brain tumor that is compromising my cognitive abilities.
- I fear “poison”, aka anything that could be toxic if consumed or accidentally ingested. I fear that I will purposefully ingest a poison just to sabotage myself, I fear that my family will poison me because they “want” to hurt me, and I fear that the foods and medicines I buy from the grocery store could be tampered with and laced with poison.
- I only drink bottled water because I’m afraid the tap water is dirty and I am convinced certain family members will drug my water. But also, then I worry that the bottled water could be tampered with so either way I still worry.
- whenever I have to interact with cleaning products like bleach, laundry detergent, etc. I become convinced that I ingested some of it while I was using the product even though I have no conscious memory of doing so. However then the false memories set in and I become increasingly unsure that my memory is actually accurate.
- I am paranoid that a family member drugs me in my sleep even though I have no conscious memories of them ever acting abusive towards me.
So then what kind of compulsions does this create for me? Well, here’s just a few of them:
- I meticulously check packaged food and medicine products to ensure their seals are intact.
- I avoid “poisons” (cleaning products, bug sprays, nail polish remover, etc.) like the plague because I worry if I am near them for a prolonged period of time that I will lose control and impulsively ingest them just to sabotage myself.
- I lock my bedroom door at night and have a weird and somewhat exhausting bedtime ritual to try to “prevent” the possibility of this family member drugging me in my sleep.
- I ruminate over false memories where I can see myself ingesting substances that I didn’t actually ingest in real life...but I’m still convinced I did it anyways.
- I start panicking about how I’m dying of a disease that’s killing my brain and go down thought spirals contemplating if I should just go to the doctor now and get retested for everything.
- Lastly I go down thought spirals where I imagine all the brain damage I think I already have and then I ruminate about that and how much I bet my intelligence has been compromised and how I’m going to become a vegetable soon enough and then freaking out further about that.
You guys...what the hell do I do about this?! Clearly it’s gotten way out of control. I know I probably need to be seeing an OCD specialist for ERP, but I guess I’m more so wondering if any of you relate to my experience?? I really feel so alone with this. I know I can’t be the only one to obsess over ways I could get brain damage but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of someone who was as obsessed with it as me? Of course this isn’t a competition or anything but it would be nice to know of someone else who has struggled with this obsession in a more intense way like I have. If you have, I’d really like to hear your story and what has helped you in overcoming this. | OCD |
People tell me I should enjoy life while i'm still young and beautiful. What? Does that mean i'll be even more depressed when i'm older? Does that mean I'll get ugly and no-one will call me pretty anymore? Is this the best my life will ever be and then I will get ugly, old, sick, boring, tired and sadder?
Another thing is, will people stop caring about me once i'm an adult? Even on reddit, people seem more concerned when they read that I'm 16. They say "you shouldn't feel this way at your age" and things along the lines. So if you're 34 it's fine to want to kill yourself but not fine at 16?
I'm just really scared that i'll become nothing when i'm not young anymore. Has anyone felt the same or overcome these feelings? Is any of this true? | depression |
I’m just walked into my room after chilling with my fiends at their place and I’m stoned asf lol and always notice my room looks like complete shit all the time lol. Food and drinks spilt on the floor, dishes everywhere random stuff and paper everywhere, crumbs on my bed. I’ve always struggled with depression for a long time always wondered why is a messy room a symptom of depression (or other mental illnesses) like why does my lack of serotonin make me not care about old food rotting on my floor. Lol silly question just always wondered what that has to do with me being lazy like that and being ok with it. | depression |
Is anyone else excited this void of separation from all human emotions. Like it's the holidays, my uncle is dieing, my grandfather passed a few months ago, my youngest brother lost both his legs before that and the mother of my daughter has basically taken her away from me, and in all of this I've only had the feeling of anger, and right back to depression, no tears or burst of emotion. I feel like I've been robbed of all empaty and parts of feeling concerned for others.Iam I broken or am I just that selfish and blinded | depression |
I (26F) remember feeling “different” around the age of 6 or 7. I particularly remember being in class coming up with outrageously ‘wEiRd’ ideas that ostracised me. Even teachers found me ‘weird’.
I was Watching The Great British Bake Off - Kids Competition. One of the kids introduced themselves as a “big weirdo” and there was almost shame around it. They mentioned that they “made up their own language” and “sometimes I shout random things like screwdrivers and pickles”. They have the messiest style of baking and also mentioned that they have a really messy room.
Oh boyyy - I just wanted to hug this kid. At the age of 10ish this kid was already so aware.
**TL;DR: When did you realise you were different from the other kids?** | ADHD |
So I recently came across an app specifically for OCD therapy (NOCD, basically you fill out a list of questions and provide them with your basic information then they set up a call to discuss the options with you. Have any of y’all tried NOCD? If so what was your experience? Did it help? Is it worth a try? I personally want to give it a chance but wanted to know what y’all’s experiences with it was first. I’ve never even talked to a Therapist who specifically specializes in ocd bc my state doesn’t have them and my insurance is really picky about mental health as it is, so this is pretty much the only way I could see an ocd therapist if the app is legit. | OCD |
I'm not diagnosed, but I have extreme obsessive thoughts since I remember being alive. I have two questions:
1. is it possible to have OCD without having compulsion? only obsessive thoughts?
2. can obsessive thoughts from OCD be about a specific topic only?
I'm obsessed and extremely afraid of getting pregnant since I was a teenager. I was paranoid before actually having sex. When I get obsessed and paranoid I spend the whole time searching about changes of getting pregnant. When I say the whole time I mean it, it's like the whole day, or weekend... I can't work, study, watch a film.
Recently, I ve been more paranoid than ever. Im on bc pills and my mind is doubting and creating images that im not taking these pills, even though I am. I tried to record myself taking it but then I find gaps like "it could have fallen from my mouth and I didn't realized" and stuff like that. Ive been taking more than 1 pill a day because I get to a point where I actually believe the pill was missed, but I wasn't. It probably wasn't.
I can't stop obsessing about it. I can't stop trying to find gaps and reasons for me to worry about what im afraid of. And the thoughts are non-stop. | OCD |
So I just started going through the therapy for PTSD, where I have to record myself telling the story of my trauma, and then I have to listen to it everyday until next week, and then re-record and listen at home, again and again...
Is it normal to just wanna give up already?
I was so ready to go through with it, but now I just wanna give up and feel like crap, and I just feel like my past eating diorders and unhealthy habbits are trying to sneak up on me.
Any advice on how to cope maybe? | ptsd |
Turns out I talked about a somewhat bad experience for about a month and now I can't seem to forget it, their words loop on my head from day do night and If I showed it still bother me the people involved would laugh, what do I do lmao? | OCD |
Just wanted to come on and say I’m feeling depressed. I got fired from my one day a week waitressing job and it shocked me. It really put me in a slump. Yes I work full time and have another job. But it just feels like every time I’m FINALLY feeling really good getting really good momentum bam something happens and throws me down a depression spiral. I just sleep for days dont want to participate in life. Also the holidays coming up idk I have no reasons to be sad I have a good life but for some reason I can’t see it
Clearly. I’m just getting older and single no kids- I feel like a loser. That’s what it comes down to sometimes I want to kill myself Bc I’m just a loser. | depression |
While I have heard that OCD symptoms may fluctuate or "wax and wanes" over time, I haven't seen anyone talk about OCD symptoms shifting to another kind of OCD.
For example: Having symptoms of Religious OCD but then those symptoms go away and after some time Contamination OCD symptoms appear.
This has happened throughout my life several times, yet I haven't really heard of this happening to others.
I'm curious if this is a rare occurrence or a common situation that people experience. | OCD |
What's the difference between healthy passion and OCD obsession?
Or is all obsessioning bad? | OCD |
I mean I can get if something can give people anxiety or fear because it looks uncanny or strange at points. But some of them are just downright ridiculous and hard to believe, I mean there’s serious a fear of cartoons and peanut butter who of them most normal things imaginable. Do you find things like this so strange yet fascinating psychologically. What do you think? | aspergers |
I know from experience that you are all struggling. The thoughts, the anxiety, the urges, the self hatred. Obviously you need to get help, you deserve it. But even if your current situation seems hopeless, DO NOT GIVE UP! It is going to get better eventually. I can't tell how long it will take in your individual case. When I got OCD for the first time at 14 and wasn't informed enough, I had the same fear for about 2-3 years. Now that I am older and have informed myself better, it usually takes several days or weeks for me to overcome it
But even if it takes longer for you, that is ok and normal! Do not beat yourself up. You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be happy. I and everyone else here is there for you | OCD |
I have very bad mood swings, I told someone about them and they said that I should know my triggers and avoid them (valid and good advice, I already knew though) then I said that sometimes my ocd triggers it and I cant avoid my ocd thoughts and obsessions, and they said:"well, you need to stop thinking about those thoughts"
Thank you very much, have never heard that before. Great! | OCD |
I’ve been managing PTSD for over a decade, likely have had it since childhood and it was amplified by events in my early 20s.
One symptom that I really struggle with lately is that everything feels really BIG. Even putting up sticky tile in our new kitchen felt like a huge deal. I got pretty upset after a wrong cut while fitting it around the sink (just for a moment but still). My work feels HUGE, going outside feels like an enormous task, trying to garden feels like a mountain, etc. It all feels up close and in my face (dunno how else to describe it). I run through it all in my mind, preparing for next steps for days, having trouble falling asleep.
I’m wondering if this is related to PTSD, or if it’s anxiety related to PTSD, or something else. I haven’t seen it described quite this way before. Thanks. | ptsd |
I’ve been openly depressed with people around me, yet they don’t give a shit, so what to do next ? Wasn’t the rhetoric to open up to the ones closest to you? What now? | depression |
So I’m 25 and I’m a doctor and I recently got diagnosed with OCD. I have struggled all my life but I was a bright kid so nobody paid attention but I suffered from severe psychotic depression a while ago and started seeing a psychiatrist who made the diagnosis. I’m on Aripprazole and Escitalopram. If there’s anything you can help me with, I’d be grateful since I’m new to this. Thank you💘 | OCD |
I tend to clench my fists a lot when I'm anxious. I've tried some of the squishier, more liquidy stress balls, but to be frank (warning: gross) it feels like squeezing down on a toilet paper bundle of diarrhea.
Do any of you have recommendations for stim toys that are good for pulling, gripping, and such? I have really strong grip strength so I'd prefer super firm. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a good day. | aspergers |
My OCD has gone meta. I need to analyze every aspect of my OCD and other disorders until I can understand them in a way that feels right, mostly by putting it into an evolutionary perspective. Then I need to share my discoveries, maybe for reassurance, maybe for attention, I don’t know. I reached out to my old trauma therapist cuz she was excellent and I’m hoping she’ll have an idea of how to address this obsession because I really can’t spend most of my waking hours paralyzed cuz I have to focus on thinking through this process. But also, speaking to her will feed into the cycle like this post is. But I don’t know reasonable it is to expect myself to go through every day without sharing anything (I have a very limited relationship with my family, live with friends under the age of twenty who absolutely do not need to be tasked with listening to my shit, my psychiatrist really just prescribes meds, and I am still trying to find a psychologist or therapist who doesn’t trigger the shit out of me). I cannot see any logical way out. Help? | OCD |
Does anyone else feel this way? It's always a 50/50 chance that I'll actually enjoy myself while doing my favorite activities and I feel like it's getting harder every day.
My lifes a long story but the point is it's hard enough as it is especially with my good pals anxiety, depression, adhd, and bipolar disorder and all the problems that regularly come up in life, I learned the more
I distracted myself with activities and hobbies, the less time I'd have to think and lose myself in negative thoughts.
(My hobbies are movies, video games, and most media btw)
Sometimes there's weeks or months where I don't do some of my favorite pass times because I'm frankly afraid I won't enjoy myself and its very very depressing, feels like I can't escape my life and it sucks since that's how alot of people get by.
Don't know what to really do :/ | depression |
Obligatory I'm on mobile so sorry for any formatting errors
It's like the title says. I'm (22F) having breakdowns once or twice a day. Most of them are huge - sobbing, screaming, almost vomiting. Usually I can't identify a specific trigger. And then the episode ends abruptly, and in between episodes I feel only a little depressed and am mostly functional. Occasionally, I'll go an hour or so and feel totally normal.
I've dealt with depression all my life, but never like this. I'm thankful that I don't feel so terrible between episodes, and that I'm not having suicidal ideation like in the past. But I'm so confused as to what's happening to me, why, and how to make the pain stop.
I plan to get clinically assessed and go back to therapy soon. In the meantime, whatever support, advice, or related experiences anyone can share is appreciated <3 | depression |
I’m 22 years old with no friends or family other than my mom. I live with her and I love her to death so that’s not the issue at all. I don’t have a life outside of my home, my mom too. It’s like we live on a completely different planet from people. Our lives has been nothing but torture and pain. She’s suicidal and so am I. I wish I had the energy to explain why we are this way. We’re kind and very loving. All of my life I’ve watched my mom get abused, physically and mentally. And so was I. She was raped and had all of her children taken away from her by her father. And then she met my dad who forced her to work day and night so she could make him money. My mom had a rough life surrounded by men absolutely recking her heart. She was brain washed from a very young age. My childhood was nothing but fear from my dad killing my mom or her hurting herself. We moved to America 10 years ago only for her to marry a guy for the next 10 years that was the exact same. He mentally abused her to the point of mental hospitals. She receives benefits from the government and cheap housing, that’s why he wouldn’t let her go. He was using us to built his credit and life. We kinda just lived under his rules. During those 10 years Ive watched my mom become a zombie. But last year they broke up. I helped her, and I can tell she’s happier but our situation and mental illnesses are still there from the relentless abuse we’ve gone through. When I say I feel trapped, I mean we live in housing where the rent is based on the households income, our rent use to be 140 because my mom was the only one receiving income. ( the ex husband lived with us without the landlord knowing for 10 years. He built everything for himself and brain washed us to believe that life was hard and that we needed him). With 140 being our rent, we use to have 500 left for food and bills. (he had 2 jobs and never once used any of his money) I Hate talking about him bc he is no longer important to us and thank god. Anyways, I now work for my mom as her homecare. With my income and her benefits combined, our rent is now 750. And that leaves us with the bare minimum to survive. And if I work another job our rent would go up even higher. They check everything. So my dreams of being financially free Is no longer a reality. I go to bed every night fantasizing about my mom being happy, going on trips and such. That’s heaven for me. We lost everybody but each other. But I’ve reached a point where I no longer care about anything. I’ve always thought about killing myself ever since I was 10. This year the thoughts of been too real to a point where I have my letter ready Incase I pull through. The truth is I don’t want to die, I’m going to miss out on hearing my moms laugher and cats meowing. And I know it would kill her in an instant if I killed myself. But what’s the point of living anymore? How could this be life? Why do we need a piece of man made paper in order to live? Why do humans chase money all of their lives… is this the human experience? We need to pay in order to live, we sweat blood and tears chasing something that’s not even real. We literally live on a rock, we know nothing about where we came from. We’re told if we don’t worship a magical man in the sky we’ll go to hell… Why is no one questioning any of these things?? What happens when we die?
I know I sound crazy, I want to believe that im a part of something bigger. I want to believe that when I die, I’ll be in someplace better. Maybe I will or maybe I won’t. Maybe I created these natives to make sense of myself. The sad reality is that I know I’m going to kill my self sooner or later because I can’t fathom myself living. My mom is getting sicker by the day, can’t afford healthcare so we just hope for the best. I feel like I’m watching my life rot. I need to save myself and leave this world. | depression |
It's been years since I've felt this depressed. I worked so hard in the past couple months to stop self harming, I stopped vaping nicotine, I tried so hard to keep myself on track. I feel like I became dependent on smoking to push my thoughts aside to feel like I wasn't just existing, and for a while my mental health was the best it's ever been in a long time. It feels awful having my mind come back to this depressed state and I can't remember what it was like to feel normal.
I don't know if this was the right place, but I needed to get that off my chest. I'm worried about having to struggle like this and I wish I could go back to the times when my bad habits made me feel like I was okay. | depression |
I’ve (22) jumped retail jobs the past year in hopes of finding a better one. Turns out I just had undiagnosed ADHD and some really close minded colleagues!
Well I finally feel comfortable at my new job. Open minded and chill people, there’s a regularly rotation at the register and it’s not too busy during the winter.
It’s a small team though, and it can be hard to push in and be a part of the “circle”. I would describe myself as kind and helpful but I would really love to change that to kind and helpful, _to a degree_ .
I’ve definitely been stepped on, on past jobs. I would take over the register if my colleagues needed, but even when I begged, they wouldn’t help me. With anything! Actually!
I can kind of see that happening here too. While I do much better at the register now, I do get to a point where I need a break because I get overwhelmed. It’s also just really boring.
Today I took the register for 2,5 hours and then my coworker took over. After an hour she asked to switch again. I was really annoyed cause I figured she was just lazy. We agreed to do 2,5 hours each. I then went up and asked if she needed a break from the register or what’s up. Turns out she just got a bit overwhelmed with the whole schedule, breaks etc. she wasn’t trying to use me/step on me.
I’m just wondering… I mean if a fellow colleague has ADHD (etc, which is likely) I would love to help out a bit. It’s just that when I need a break, it’s a lot of moping and “are you sure?”
I want to put myself first while also being a good colleague. Any suggestions or advice on how to do this? While also not having a break down or letting them push my boundaries. I really like my colleagues! | ADHD |
I’m a first grade teacher and I was diagnosed over the summer. I started on adderall and now I’m on vyvanse in AM Adderall at lunch and intuniv at bedtime. The medication was so helpful before school started back this summer. But now that I’m back in the classroom I almost think the meds make everything worse. Because my brain is ready to focus and get things done. But when I’m working with students I have to be responding to 20 kids at the same time and multitasking like crazy. And it almost feels like my brain is overworking and I get so angry and stressed. I tried to stop the stimulants this week and I felt less stressed but I was definitely back to my previous scatterbrained feeling. I’m not sure if I’m exposing this well. But has anyone experienced anything like this? | ADHD |
For the past 11 years, I have been obsessed with Savant, aka Aleksander Vinter.
He is an Aspie who makes glitch-hop. Since I'm on the same spectrum as him, his music soothes me, and actually helps my mind. A lot of people hate this music, but I knew some other Aspies who vibe with him as well. Check out his concerts and his YouTube! He is a living iPod!
I was on a similar path to him, but too much dark shit happened. I've been in a dark place for the last 5 years. I am coming back! I'm going to re-purchase all my equipment and make music! I'm ready to show the world my Aspergers!
So check out Savant!
And if you're in a dark place, message me, because I can help you understand pain <3
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb8jbAl1Zrs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb8jbAl1Zrs) (Funny song, but not a good example of his talent)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShcUe7-MP1s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShcUe7-MP1s) (Favorite!)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVEsldKqco8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVEsldKqco8)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFfGNGo\_ze8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFfGNGo_ze8) (THIS WILL RELIEVE SO MUCH STRESS IF YOU HAVE ASD)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3dd08qUF2I&list=OLAK5uy\_lFCwmYnstnfKaqN-l\_ESxn6E72gq\_yA5Q&index=2](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3dd08qUF2I&list=OLAK5uy_lFCwmYnstnfKaqN-l_ESxn6E72gq_yA5Q&index=2) (One of his best albums)
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[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc2CDSPK16c&list=OLAK5uy\_kHcKPSAVY5HVV4C2JjVyXVO\_sY0AKAp4o&index=7](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc2CDSPK16c&list=OLAK5uy_kHcKPSAVY5HVV4C2JjVyXVO_sY0AKAp4o&index=7) (This whole album is good, it has a very Middle Eastern influence)
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I'd also highly recommend checking out Camellia, and learning drums! If you guys like this sort of music, I can make an Aspergers playlist with the music I use to cope, and I'll post it on this sub! It's just that I don't make playlists because I memorize all the songs I like and just type them in lol | aspergers |
I’ve noticed myself having feelings of jealousy within my relationship and I don’t want this feeling. Could it be ocd? | OCD |
I’ve been anxiously anticipating this appointment for the better part of 2 weeks. Based on what I read online, it sounded like it was mostly going to be a bunch of questions about my background, symptoms, etc.
When I arrived today, they sat me down in an empty room and gave me an iPad with an app called “NIH Toolbox,” and I essentially just took a short cognitive test (memory questions, picture matching, pronouncing words, word association, etc.) and they sent me on my way.
Frankly, I don’t think I did a bad job on the test, and I’m worried they’ll use that as a reason to say I don’t have ADHD. They said they sent the results off to a specialist and will schedule a follow-up appointment soon.
Am I overthinking it or is this an atypical experience for an ADHD screening? | ADHD |
Hey y'all, I will be needing to get an MRI soon due to other health issues. Only problem is that I have tics. The MRI will be done for my spine and hips, so would facial tics be ok? An issue with my OCD is that I need to lay down "correctly" any skin pulling or anything else uncomfortable means I have to move to readjust. I'm really nervous as I will be getting the MRI done by a back specialist and I'm not sure if they've had patients with OCD and tics like me. Has anyone else gotten an MRI? How did you stop compulsions and tics long enough for the scan? | OCD |
I'm sure this is a topic repeated ad nauseam here, but because of how trendy it is to say one is "so OCD" when simply trying to make something neat or correct in their everyday life, no one will ever believe just how awful it makes life for someone truly suffering from the disorder. Even my family, which is typically supportive, never took me seriously when I tried to tell them just how much time and effort is spent trying to abate it in my own life.
Given the nature of OCD as well, it is simply impossible to explain specifically just how it works in my mind even to closest friends without sounding completely mental or irrational. I want more than anything to simply wish it away, but I am its slave - everything I do is to try to have it not affect my happiness. I almost always lose that battle.
Both of these together make it very much so a plight that I suffer alone, although it is a good feeling to find some people here that I can strongly relate to. | OCD |
I've got what I'm hoping to the dear lord fuck is just POCD and I've had it for like a year now
It's horrible and I only realized that it was probably OCD around a month ago. Recently something made it worse and now I'm kinda suicidal because like what if I actually am a y'know what? Like no one would wanna be friends with me or read things that I wrote or hire me or something. What would be left?
I'm just so damn tired and I wanna feel normal again. Everything was fine but then it changed and now the only thing keeping me going is minecraft and comment etiquette videos. Therapy soon (I hope) but I'm scared. | OCD |
I had a concussion and a blood clot in my carotid artery from a ~50 mph atv crash. I flew off the road after veering out of the way of a truck. I also had a stroke at the hospital. Ive also had a concussion from working in a pig barn and being hit with a fence. Long story aside i am just wondering how likely this could be a cause of depression? I dont know if a doctor could diagnose it as the cause of depression either. Does anyone else have any experience with this? Ive also been thinking about taking antidepressents but im unsure about them. Just looking for some advise and any is welcome! | depression |
I have my first session of NOCD ERP tomorrow and I couldn’t be more nervous. My first appointment confirmed that I had OCD with regard to ROCD, money obsessions, and health related OCD. I am just worried that trying to do the exercises will make me push my partner away even more. How do you even accept intrusive thoughts when they tell you that you should leave and be alone. Or that I need to accept the amount of debt I am in. I’m holding onto hope that this will push me in the right direction but right now it’s tough. End venting | OCD |
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