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I was diagnosed as a child (age 8) but never got any support. My parents didn’t believe in meds and basically maintained I was smart but just lazy so the fault was mine . I white knuckled my way through university and have a good job but I turned into a ball of stress and anxiety and addictions. At 35 , after so many years of struggling , began to accept my diagnosis and started meds . My life has just been so much easier I sometimes want to cry when I realize it didn’t have to be so hard. I can do what everyone else does now, like submit stupid paper work. I’m so happy and finally view the world in a way that makes sense. But then I always hear those voices saying I’m just lazy or unmotivated and I’m using meds as a crutch for my character defaults . I know this isn’t true , rationally . But I can’t shake the negative messages I got so early on about being lazy and undisciplined and scattered and that the fault lied in my personality. Then I hear people say how they would love meds or it must be nice or “ you seem too X” to have adhd. Does anyone else struggle to shake years of being humiliated for how your brain works , to the point of not feeling fully happy even when you are being treated and seeing results ? | ADHD |
it's 5:38am and i'm tired but i can't sleep and my heart longs to love again | depression |
I have this habit of repeating myself whereby one half of my brain listens when I say it the first time, then agrees with it, and wants to express the same thought its own way.
Wondering whether anyone else's brain works the same way and if it's an ADHD thing, or just some other weird and wonderful facet of my yet-to-be-fully-understood brain. | ADHD |
Soo, well I've never thought that I have a right to been in romantic relationships because of my horrible attention span (and trauma). Because I don't remember a day in which I don't fail in primitive task . But lately I am becoming more and more lonely. I am becoming more and more emotional. I want to love somebody but that to happen I need to accept that I have a right to be happy even with this kind of Intellect. How did you find your partner with ADHD? What is the right way to approach to romance with ADHD
Sorry for my mistakes. English is my 3rd language | ADHD |
I live with bipo and OCD, they are room mates and are the best of friends..
My fiancee was at a party the other night and I was going through an episode and asked if she could come home. She said no because if she does, that'll set the standard of every other night shes away from me were she will have to come home if I somehow get triggered. I can see why she said that, the OCD really fucks me up with intrusive thoughts about jealous, cheating and every other fear I have.
I had been feeling unwell prior to that night, the next morning I wake up. Feeling like crap, and puked.
So i phone her and ask if she can now come home, its morning and I'm unable to get up and walk the dog and go get him some lunch. She says sure and falls right to sleep. I wait an hour and no response after she said she'd keep me updated. So I had to get up and go about the day, I puke 5 minutes into the walk and pass out shortly after for a few secs, I then struggle up the hill and tie my dog to a fence so I can lie down and clutch my chest as it was tight, I couldnt breathe and began to have a panic attack. After many people walk past me one lovely person comes to check on me and I get them to phone my Mum to come pick me up.
After I get home it took an hour for the panic attack to stop.
My fiancee gets in touch and tells me she fell asleep. So I tell her what happened and she goes "Okay, I'll leave in 5 mins i'm just having a coffee." I'm now then triggered beyond belief, how could someone whos supposed to love you, not jump when you need them. If she hurt her pinky toe I'd be walking through fire and flames to get there.
She doesn't leave her friends house for 40 MINUTES.
I explode and start flipping my shit, I can't calm down. She gets home and says she didn't believe it was as bad as I told her, she thought I was exaggerating to "get her home" and said I'm like the boy who cried wolf. Once she realised i wasnt making shit up (because i'm not 12 on myspace) she is sorry.
We're sleeping in different rooms since, I am so hurt by it. I have to struggle with so many demons yet my angel seems to undermine it even though she has a great understanding of it.
Any advice on if this is something a loving partner wouldn't do?
I'm just so fucking hurt man. | OCD |
So to get my adderall refill I have to be seen by a doctor and get my refill. I ran out last Friday and my appointment isn’t until next Tuesday. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. I’ve been groggy, lazy, mad, easily irritated, and mean. I’m a teacher so it’s a hard job already as is but this week it’s been even harder and more overwhelming and I find myself being extremely negative when I’m usually a happy and positive person. As of today it’s been 7 days without my adderall and that’s the longest I’ve been without since I started. My question is, am I feeling this way because of adderall withdrawals? I’m not sure what else it could be… help!
TLDR: I’ve been without my adderall for 7 days cause I can’t get an appointment. Is it possible that I’m feeling like this because of the withdrawals? | ADHD |
I'm a sanitiser. I work with carpenters who use loud power tools all the time, i remove soot, sewage spills and body fluids in the weirdest and noisiest environments you can think of.
Other than the high pitched fein saw, I've never had any problems with noises until we got a special kind of sponge to remove extra difficult stains with.
It's called a menanin sponge or something and it's this really light, white sponge with a really fine, porous texture that removes literally any stain I would have given up on.
But holy shit I hate handling them.
Even the slightest touch gives off this extremely disgusting sound, like rubbing a balloon.
It just sends needles through my brain and spine.
They feel nasty to the touch too. It's like Styrofoam, except it doesn't disintegrate into little pieces that stick to everything.
I can barely stand using them. The noise when rubbing them makes my head go blank.
I don't know where I'm going with this post, but I find it kind of funny how of all the things I can handle, I'm beat by a fucking sponge. | aspergers |
Hey, so I have Harm OCD and I find myself having more obsessions when I haven’t eaten in a while. These obsessions are incredibly violent on top of the ones that I have on a daily basis. I was wondering, especially those who have certain subgroups of OCD (POCD, ROCD, etc) - do you experience the same thing? | OCD |
ive recently decided to learn guitar and watch a bunch of videos at like 3 in the morning....the only issue is i don't have a guitar. im pretty good when i use my friends, i just don't want to loose motivation like i have with all my other discarded "passions". are there any tips out there, because i find it difficult changing chords bc my coordination is terrible thanks to adhd, and does anyone just know how to stay motivated | ADHD |
Hi, I went in a few dates recently (I am not sure if I'll continue dating that guy if that's changing anything).
I have a lot of reasons to believe that he is on the spectrum. But he doesn't know that. (We are both 30ish males. I am still going through paperwork to get official diagnosis, because it's complicated in my country to get diagnosis while being adult).
I personally would be grateful if someone pointed out out to me, but I've heard on one of "Aspergers from the Inside", that it is not ok.
Would you like someone to tell you that you may be autistic before you found out?
If that changes something if the person that's telling you this is autistic or not?
UPDATE:
Since the opinions in answers are divided I've decided not to tell him. I'm open to discuss the issues I have our had, and how I cope with things. But I won't share my suspicions about him unless he asks directly about it. | aspergers |
ugh i feel like shit. i was doing so well, i didn’t have any urges, i was gonna stop therapy but now i can feel it coming back. this immense fear of going to hell and not doing things perfectly is consuming me again. i finally convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with me being bi but now i can’t stop thinking about eternally burning. i have to pray nonstop, i can’t have any impure thoughts, i can’t do the things i used to do, i have to change my life again. damn i want to feel normal. i want to do normal things other people can.
and there’s also this new feeling of fearing that i’ll r@pe children or kill. i had it before but it was nothing serious and went away. i hate this. i hate it so much. i don’t want to do these things. | OCD |
Dear R/asperger
Over the past year, I watched videos on investing and over 7 figures mostly investing tech stocks/trading options.
I terrible at the corporate game and social skills need work. I'm stuck at entry level after 3 years on the job. I think my learning disabilities as such aspergers and dyslexia prevent from progressing. I've trying been extremely hard for years now to succeed at a typical career trajectory. and I believe I have reached a point of diminhed returns.
Why is it that I'm able to succeed at investing and make consistent returns but cant even move up one rank at corporate? Should I just give up? My life is extremely distressing now and I dont think I can be cured of autism suddenly.
appreciate comments | aspergers |
what did i do to end up like this, i don’t see the point in anything anymore. i feel like suck poison 24/7. i can’t do this anymore | depression |
It's a long story, but basically I have an exam (pretty much the most important exam in my entire life and I have one chance per year. I'm not fresh off high school so I can't just keep trying, it's now or never) in less than three weeks. I spent the better part of the year studying for it but now that it's so close to the date I just... can't seem to concentrate. It's just so overwhelming and I can do everything, anything but studying. Not even breaking it down in little tasks works. I even tried taking a few days off to clear my mind but in the end it always ends up the same. With me sitting on my chair and watching the time pass. I'll distract myself with literally anything and it doesn't help that I use my phone for studying.
I'm getting desperate. My entire life is on the line and the fact I'm making it harder for myself to succeed is seriously messing up with my head. Does anyone have any advice? | ADHD |
Hey does anyone struggle with there memory? Has anyone got into trouble or said they were lying when they genuinely couldn’t remember things?
I am really struggling and just wanted to know if anyone is out there that struggles too. | ptsd |
Anyone here have any experience switching to Kaiser Permanente (Mid-Atlantic) AFTER already being diagnosed? I was diagnosed by a neurologist as a child, stopped treatment in my 20s, then resumed treatment a few years ago. I'd love to be able to be on a plan where my ADHD appointments and meds are both actually covered, but I'm wary of needing to go through a whole rigamarole to get re-diagnosed. I don't want to have to stop treatment for several weeks or months to get a "baseline" assessment, meanwhile my work and family commitments would all be suffering.
If you bring in an existing diagnosis and an existing treatment plan, would Kaiser continue it? Or do they want to start from scratch on this? | ADHD |
I’m in the process of finding a psychiatrist and getting an analysis and diagnosis, whatever that diagnosis may be (but I’m like 93% sure it’s adhd). However, with this insurance, I feel like my only options only have like 3-star or under reviews. Is there anyone here in SoFlo who uses Ambetter and has a good psychiatrist? | ADHD |
You're right, others do have it much worse. I have no reason to be depressed by the childhood trauma I went through. It gave me cptsd & bpd but that's nothing compared to others. The random flashbacks of memories that make me break down from time to time, or me waking up in a cold sweat after reliving nightmares only to immediately get sick is just me wanting attention.
I know my life means nothing to you, if I died it would likely be used as internet points until there's nothing to gain from it anymore. Then it's back to normal. It's sad that I can already see the several (please send ME love) videos. Most people would go quiet for a long time on socials & maybe make 1 video explaining the silence, but I know that's not you. You've proven that to me multiple times.
It's still about you....your "success" - your life. Like you didn't get to live at all partying 24/7 & going without a job for 30+ years. It's that easy huh?...
I need a way out... | depression |
I get this feeling of not wanting to exist for so long and it keeps growing stronger. Earlier it was I'd think of tying if i wouldn't have anything else. Like dying became my default line of thought. Atleast i could distract myself to keep that feeling at bay, but now i can barely think of anything else.
I kind of tried to do it 3 times but either there was some intervention or just my survival instinct. One thing peculiar is i don't want to be found, like noone knows what happened of me. Like it's the only thing i yearn for rn and don't want anything else, just to be at peace.
I have a lot of problems rn, but i don't want to die because of them. It's actually opposite, because of them i still don't have freedom to take my life. I won't give up w/o overcoming them, it might take me a year or two to solve them.(I'm 20M btw), so I'd have to endure for atleast 1 year. but if i had just one wish, I'd want to be never born in the first place. | ADHD |
8 months ago, the woman I loved and called my best friend left me to be with the guy she was cheating on me with. As an individual with aspergers I assumed I was meant to live my life alone, devoid of true blissfull intimacy. She changed that and made me feel like I was someone who could enjoy life and have friends. We lived together for 4 years and had been together for 6. Last we spoke since she left she told me “We were never even friends to begin with.” All the trips we took, all the things we shared, all of it was evidently a “trick” to live with me. Since then every girl has told me I’m too nice or a pushover. I cant help but want to be nice to people because I know what its like to be hurt and I’d never want to do that to someone else. Ive becime convinced that im simply unloveable. The one selfish thing I want is to sleep and never wake. And I can’t do it because of the pain it would inflict on my brother. Hes most likely going to be drafted into the MLB this coming year and my plan was to do it shortly after that so that theres no way my selfish act could derail his career and life goals. Tbh I dont know why I’m like this, and I dint know how to get out. Im sorry if this is inappropriate, but I need the pain to stop. | depression |
So, im facing this erection obsession since July, and man this is killing me, im able to get boners, sometimes feel libido, but i don't get Strong ones sometimes. The 1st month i was 0 libido, no boners, nothing. August i was able to masturbate again and was getting aroused just by sexting or thinking, now im getting 0 libido again. I hate this and i have a fear of ED, shit, i hate OCD, please help me.
EDIT: please don't come here with that nofap placebo shit | OCD |
I got my license a few years ago now, and I've never been able to drive in the literal sense. I cannot focus on two things at the time, wether it's the road, looking in the mirror, checking my speed, forgetting that I HAVE actual feets on the pedals. No matter what, I don't feel safe driving. I get a lot of '' Well practise make it best. '' But not for me, I've never been able to do it and It's annoying because I want to be able to drive in case of emergency. Is there anyone like me ? I'm also ADHD and dissociating a lot. Thanks you | aspergers |
my parents are going to be gone for the next like four days which is a relief for me since they never stop harassing me about stuff but now im worried for myself. im not old enough to drive yet so its not like i can go anywhere. im afraid that im just going to get really bored again. i lost interest in everything. boredom is a massive stimulant of my suicidal thoughts/depression/demotivation. so what do i do to stop myself from being miserable the next few days | depression |
Being awake at night is just in general a lot more peaceful and stressful, don't need to deal with people, can go out and take walks without dealing with anyone and I feel like I can just be myself by myself. | aspergers |
So, for the past 2-3 years I've been feeling horrible mentally to say the least. I've been lying that I'm ok and putting so much effort to seem like someone very happy, untouched by any sadness, mature, etc. and all of that made my parents proud. As my mental health was and is declining, holding up this "mask" is becoming so tiring that it's hard to do anything besides that. I thought that I could overcome this difficulties by myself, got really into self-improvement, started lifting, picked new hobbies, but all this effort gave nothing in return, and I have realised that I should seek proffesional help. The problem is, I don't know how to tell this to my parents. I really like how they treat me as someone responsible, who can be trusted, mature and I'm worried that they will vhange their behavior towards me. Is there something I can do?
(Sorry for bad english, not a native speaker) | depression |
Since my trauma, I’ve been increasingly forgetful. I could put clothes in the washer, hear the buzzer go off but then immediately forget and they go bad. I barely remember my meds, household chores, hell even eating. I forget so many things. Nothing long-term, I still remember important parts of my life, but little things pass me by so easily. It’s hard for me to focus as well, sticking to one task or train of thought is nearly impossible.
Are there any sorts of therapy for this, or medications? Supplements? This is seriously affecting my daily life. | ptsd |
I was sexually abused a lot when I was a child. Because of this I'm very afraid of people touching me. I told my mom countless times that I don't want her to touch me at all, but she doesn't seem to understand. Today she decided to playfully tickle me. During this I kept yelling to stop and even slightly hit her, but she didn't stop. This got me panicking a lot. Maybe she's doing this on purpose I don't know | ptsd |
i had an experience with a coworker training me for a job at a new field that made me anxious, she technically didn't do anything wrong just being cut and dry, and frustrated with the new clumsy employee lol i was inexperienced and got more nervous each day which made me worse at my job not picking up the pase, it was fair. but after not working there anymore i felt sick thinking of putting myself through that under contract again with strangers.. not everyone will have the same approach i know that now. However my sister also made me feel this way a couple of times now, and i thought it was social anxiety from not socializing much, i need to toughen up and get educated to not say the wrong thing. She made me feel like she's just saying hard facts and i'm falling apart for nothing, that i needed to be around uncomfortable experiences more to grow and making me think about my flaws was helpful. Now i realize it's probably a feeling of humiliation, hahaha... What do you do with confrontational people? i guess if there was balance with positive reinforcements i wouldn't feel like i should to join the army and get yelled at to cure my adhd and ignorance lol but still i don't wanna go cry in a bathroom every visit. | ADHD |
I recently got a new phone which I’ve been wanting for a long time. I’m really happy about it. However, before I got my new phone, I was trying to figure out a way to do my google search compulsions among other things without ruining the experience of having a new phone. I didn’t want to make it a big deal because I knew OCD could prey on that fear. I decided that I would only do said compulsions once in a while if necessary. On Tuesday, I did a compulsion on my phone which I have never done before and I regretted doing it right afterwards because it felt like I ‘tainted’ my new phone. Now my mind is telling me that whenever I take my phone, I won’t stop thinking about the compulsion I did. After that, I reset my phone (not the first time I’ve reset it) but I still feel shitty. I know it sounds dumb but I can’t stop thinking about why I did the compulsion and how I’ve ruined the novelty of the phone. Due to this, I’ve been trying not to freak out over it because it’s dumb and unimportant but it’s hard. I’m enjoying my phone so far but it sucks that OCD is trying to take that joy away from me too :/ | OCD |
So basically we have YouTube on our TV in the living room, and I'm in a habit of feeling an urge to play every video I find embarrassing or sometimes it's not necessarily embarrassing it could be disturbing or sad and I feel I need to show everyone in the house this particular video on the big screen just to make myself uncomfortable, it won't go away and it's driving me insane, I can't relax, sometimes I can't sleep, I just want this to go and to live my life in peace. Anybody else get this? | OCD |
Although adhd is a neurodevelopmental disorder that isn’t fixed with therapy, we all know that living with adhd causes lots of hardships that lead to anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. These are all things that can be worked on in therapy.
What I’m curious about is, is there any benefit to therapy for adhd other than to treat the residual comorbidities I mentioned above? Hypothetically, if you had zero struggles with self esteem, depression, or anxiety, what would you talk about to a therapist? | ADHD |
I was taking antidepressants for my OCD (I have Pure O and intrusive earworms), but I’m now slowly taking myself off the medication after 5 months of being on it. After about 5 days of being off the medication I feel like my OCD symptoms are a lot worse compared to what it was before I started taking the medication. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I expect my symptoms to perhaps revert back to what it was after a few weeks? | OCD |
I am in one right now lol
I thought I would try new things | depression |
Hello People, imma be honest, im not going through a good time with my life, i feel like life is constantly slapping me, nor it's OCD or family issues, yesterday i got into full depression mode and i dont know how to get out, thought maybe I'll take suggestions from people how to get out of this situation in my life, so... if there's any songs, games, or anything that helps with this kind of Depression Please comment below, i hope everybody's doing great. | OCD |
I am looking at my insurance benefits for 2022 and my insurance will no longer be covering adderall. I currently take 25mg XR and 10 mg IR at the same time in the morning. I have been on this for 2 years. They will be covering generic ritalin and vyvanse.
2 years ago my doctor tried 20 mg of vyvanse. I'm not sure if its because the dose was way too low but I felt TERRIBLE. I had no energy at all, like less than if i didnt take any meds. So instead of trying a higher dose, my dr just put me back on adderall and increased the dose to what i currently take.
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Anyone who took adderall for a while and it was a good fit and had to switch meds- which worked for you? (Obvi I know every body is different) My doctor isnt very helpful with this stuff | ADHD |
Feeling very relived that I have finally got to the bottom of my problems! Feeling let down by my local doctors, who have witnessed adhd behaviour for potentially 3 decades, but it is me that virtually diagnosed myself, including a Hons Degree in Psychology to try and figure what was up with me, which went from disaster to victory on a daily basis! | ADHD |
I got my annual physical done for a surgery I have coming up and part of that is the general mental health screening they normally do. Questions like "Are you depressed", "Do you feel like you're a drain on others" and "Have you thought about hurting yourself". Etc., etc. I answered all the questions truthfully and ended up with an alarming score to the nurse doing my intake. To the point that she and the doctor asked me multiple times if I was planning on hurting myself. It made me super uncomfortable, especially since I already have persistent depressive disorder and have for many years. I dont take medication for it but I'm also not currently thinking about hurting myself. I'll admit that I have thought about it in the past, but its been a few years since I've seriously considered it.
I've read in the past that folks on the spectrum are 3x more likely to have suicidal ideation and commit suicide vs. the general population (here's one [link](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/rate-of-suicide-3-times-higher-for-autistic-people#Be-aware-of-the-warning-signs) as an example). I'm wondering if this has something to do with how "honest" people on the spectrum can be when it comes to answering these types of questionnaires or if maybe I really am different and should seek out someone for some help. In general, I'm not a happy person and don't usually have "good" days. Life seems like something I just have to put up with until its finally over with. For reference, I was mentally and physically abused as a child and I have had counseling. My therapists and psychiatrist all consider me to have PDD as well as PTSD from what happened to me as a kid which I find weird because I don't really think about it all that much. It's only when I tell people stories about growing up that people freak out. I didn't find out I was autistic until last year at the age of 46 but its definitely helped explain a lot of things to me the more I've read. My childhood abuse was all at the hands of family members, I was never bullied as a kid (mostly because I was a big kid and people didn't want to pick on me). So I can't relate that factorial in the overall autistic experience.
I'd really like to know how others think about this topic to gauge where my experience is fitting in. TYIA for any feedback. And to be super clear: I do not have any plans on hurting myself. I am just looking for relatable conversation on the topic so please, don't anyone freak out. | aspergers |
I'm all for a complex story, but recently I've struggled with endings that aren't spelled out for me because I'm constantly analyzing what they mean or if my interpretation is "wrong". I hate dealing with that feeling of uncertainty that haunts me even long after the movie/book/etc. is done. It's becoming legitimately debilitating. | OCD |
I have so many trauma bonding dreams with D/s feels, why?
All of my dreams, as long as I can remember involve bad people trying to hurt me or others. If the bad people are just hurting others, I chase them the whole dream, trying to stop them before they hurt anyone in an endless anxious cycle unless it's like most of the dreams in that situation where they thenbcome after me for "getting in their way". If there's something traumatic about to happen but a victim hasn't been chosen, I volunteer so no one else has to go through it. But once the bad person tries to hurt me or I volunteer and they do the bad thing, I feel super connected to them.
It feels alot like dropping after playing with a DD where I feel like I need my top like they're my safe person and everything is OK just by them being physically present or hearing their voice. The feeling is similar. Only, I've had this stuff happen in dreams since I was a toddler (For about 25 years, now) So why is this happening? Any thoughts? | ptsd |
Just wanted to share a couple things that have made my life easier. Maybe they will help someone else as well. This is not meant to be an ad but I think mentioning the product I use will help finding similar products. Sorry if that bothers someone.
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An App that manages my chores. I use Tody. It has quite a few of notification features and such reminding you to do laundry etc. I haven't noticed too much help from that but here's the biggest thing:
When I start to do chores I usually feel anxious because I don't know where to start and I just don't start or aimlessly do stuff and it's super inefficient. This app puts everything in priority order so I know that vacuuming the bedroom or taking out the garbage should be the first thing I do. It also helps you remember to do those more rare chores such as cleaning the shower drain
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Small bluetooth trackers for keys and wallet that beep when you use your phone app. I bought a set of Tile trackers after I managed to lose my wallet and managed to lose my keys the week after. They are the best thing I've bought in a long time. Even if you don't permanently lose your wallet the amount of time and stress these things alleviate from my every day life is insane. I haven't had to search for my keys or wallets in months now. Even if it saves that 5min a day you spend searching for your wallet or car keys in the morning it's so worth it because at least for me being late because I can't find my keys is the worst feeling ever. You can also make them notify you in case you accidentally drop your keys or leave them behind. | ADHD |
I feel like whenever you open up to someone about your mental health issues people always say, I’m here if you ever need me. Then when you’re in a crisis, it’s radio silence or they are too busy. How do you cope with this? I feel a lot of abandonment from people I love to the extent I want to cut them out. When I share I’m struggling with my mental health and they don’t follow up or check in after it upsets me. It makes me feel like I’m burdening them with my problems and makes me feel alone in any future crisis I have. Does anyone else feel this way? I’m struggling and I feel alone. | depression |
I’ve always struggled with mental health. i’ve been on lamictal and vyvanse for about a year. Since the start of the school year is when i noticed things got really bad. I have bipolar and ADHD and possibly other things like GED and more.
I was put on nexplanon birth control and my psychiatrist said i might have to up my dosage bc it might lower effects of my lamictal but her child got cancer and i couldn’t see her for months to get a med check so i went off nexplanon because i thought it contributed to my depression.
Anyways, i have REALLY struggled. probably the worst in my life. i’ve put on about 50 pounds. I’ve missed probably 2 months of school or more and all my grades are failing. Im close to losing my job because i struggle with getting the energy to even go to work. I have no energy to do anything whatsoever. I lost all of my friends and literally have NONE. I hate myself and have nothing and nobody.
I’m at my breaking point and can’t keep going like this. the constant anxiety and hating myself and having no energy or motivation is draining.
I need some hope. I was prescribed lexapro 2 days ago and this is my last hope. if this doesn’t work i don’t know how to keep going. it’s my last resort.
If it does work, i’m wondering HOW it will work.
Will it make me happy?
Will it give me the energy to do stuff? to make life bearable?
I don’t want to just be okay although that would be helpful. i want to be HAPPY. i want to have HOPE. i’m literally SURVIVING. i’m not living.
There is so much more going on that i’m struggling with and how it’s impacting me but it would be way too much to put in a post but i just can’t explain how bad this is.
i’m 17 years old. i NEED things to get better. i’ve tried everything including counseling. i have nobody to talk to. nobody. i just need hope that antidepressants will save me. it will take a while to work i heard but if i know that it’ll help i’ll have hope and have something to hold on to. | depression |
I think ever since i moved to Florida alone. Just me and my dog, ive suffered some lackofpeopleism. I used to be around friends and family all the time. Covid hit. Which stripped me of my poker social life. And altogether i drank n collected unemployment benefits. The main issue has felt like lack of human interaction. Warzone video game doesnt count. Ive changed in so many ways for the worse. I pray i can dig my way out. We'll see. | depression |
I got a new phone today and I’m terrified of losing it. My debit card too. I have disabled tap on my card in case I lose it but the fear never really goes away.
I feel like I can’t be responsible with expensive or important items and it’s constant anxiety lol
Does anyone have any foolproof ways for important items? From one scatter brain to another? | ADHD |
When I get nerveus or anxius I just can't articulate more than 3 or 4 words, mostly saying one word over and over, feels horrible, it's like my mouth can't complete what I'm thinking in the moment | aspergers |
When people say things like this to me when I forget something it makes me so unbelievably angry and frustrated. As if I want to forget important tasks and things that would make my life 1000% easier. And when people say it I just have to take it because I can’t just use the trap card “oops it’s my funny, quirky ADHD again lol😂😎🤪”. I’m actually so sick of it. | ADHD |
Whenever I’m stressed, upset, anxious, or triggered, I’ll usually go on my phone to calm down and “cope”. Today a higher up commented that other people were complaining about Me, because I tell them to put their phone away but I frequently go on mine. Since I want to advance in the company, I’m struggling to come up with work appropriate coping skills. Sometimes I’ll doodle or do bilateral tapping on my arms, but that makes it look like I’m bored. Any advice? | ptsd |
I’m pretty good at hiding how depressed I am, I’ve never said anything that would make anyone suspect it and it includes my mom, but she hugged me like she rarely does today, just when I felt particularly suicidal. I cried out of nowhere several times today, I had no appetite, I kept telling myself I had no reason to stay, thinking about how my life is a mess right now... and it’s like she felt it.
Things like this have happened before. Something heartwarming/a good new always happens to me when I feel miserable, except that it’s always the same thing : I have hope again, I think my life will finally get better, and it does… but only for a few weeks, and then I dive back into depression even harder than before after things go back to shit.
This never ending circle is so cruel. It’s like the universe doesn’t want me to kill myself just so I can stay and be in pain again and again and again. I have a taste of hope and happiness and it’s taken away from me as quickly as it arrived. | depression |
Tomorrow I'm driving down to Connecticut where I (16f) grew up and experienced most of my childhood trauma for a family party/gathering/whatevs. A crash course on my life (the traumatic parts): I grew up with two angry, violent parents who fought physically and verbally with each other and never really noticed me or my younger brother. In school I was bullied a lot because I was smart and quiet (I was diagnosed with asperger's but not yet). When I was seven my parents went through a messy divorce, and afterwards they took their anger out on me. In seventh grade, when I was 12, a teacher sexually assaulted me on multiple occasions. The summer later my dad died. In the middle of eighth grade we moved into my dad's old house, and when I went to boarding school for ninth grade, my family moved to Maine.
So basically I'm revisiting my shitty childhood, and the party is at my dad's old house (I'm renting it out to my aunt because I can't technically own it until I'm 18). I'm not excited, well a little because my extended family is okay to be around and I haven't seen them in a while, but just the thought of being back there is giving me the chills, especially considering that my mom, who was even more abusive back then than she is now, will be with me.
Just thinking about this party has made me jittery, anxious, and all-around not good. I thought that I'd put all that behind me when we moved away but I guess not. I have an icky feeling. | ptsd |
I'm new here so I hope this post is ok. I'm a guy with contamination OCD and using the bathroom at home is really difficult. I have to shower almost every time I poop and I don't even want to touch anything in the bathroom (like the faucet or opening drawers to get razor, toothpaste etc.) The hardest part is fear around toilet splashback. My toilet almost always splashes when I poop (TP method sometimes helps) and it splashes back on my legs when I pee. It's exhausting and agonizing. Any tips to help? Is this something i should just accept gets on me and try to treat it like exposure therapy? Anyone overcome this? | OCD |
TW.
I just woke up from a terrible nightmare and no one to talk to so I have to write. TLDR at the bottom.
Basically most of my trauma's have happened in the month of september , aside from long term abuse in my childhood. Every time September comes around I am the most sensitive and unstable. I have to do exactly my way or else I spiral terribly. Which is what happening right now. TW murder , sexual abuse:
>!14 years ago on the 7th of September my cousin which I was close with got kidnapped and murdered and a week after her kidnapping I started to get sexually abused by my first romantic interest , which lasted for half a year. The murder of my cousin was really gruesome and left me with a lot of trauma related issues. Since the situation was so traumatizing for everyone no one noticed that I was getting sexually abused until 6 months later a friend of mine found out.!< I was 16 when all of this transpired and I am 30 now. So I relive these things vividly every single year. I have been in therapy for several years as well , also because of more traumatic events in my life other than this.
This year feels heavier than normal because I feel so alone in it. My mom's birthday also is on the 7th of September which makes the situation really weird. It isn't my mom's fault of course and we have made this system , somewhat of a schedule I follow which both gives us the oppertunity to be okay for the day. I always spend time at my cousin's grave the first half of the day so I can be sad and mourn and in the evening I spend time with my mother and celebrate as much as I can with her.
This year it didn't happen because of my current partner and it has thrown me off so terribly. The day before the 7th he exclaimed that he had made several appointments in the morning which would take atleast 3 hours (traveling not included). Which send me in an instand panic mode. My partner has been with me for almost 4 years , is fully aware of the situation and has supported me before on these dates. So it isn't a new thing. Either way , the next day came and he left in the morning. I hadn't slept the whole night and spend the night on the couch. Crying when he was gone until my dad messaged me 30 mins later to pick me up since he didn't want me to be alone. The rest of the day was so terrible. The only thing I could think of was harming myself while I was sitting at my parent's house. Ruining my mom's day just as much as mine. Until I got home and took my medication , which includes a sleeping pill as well. I fell asleep and woke up feeling the exact same , still wanting to harm myself.
That's where I stand right now. I feel so alone , rejected and I just don't want to feel for a while. Mostly it is my partner's behaviour that has felt like such a stab. It has hurt me incredibly. This date is more important than my birthday basically. Now I am stuck with this brewing feeling of needing to do something erractic just to make the emotions stop for a little bit. My medication isn't working either , they are an anti-psychotic and not a mood changer. So I have nothing to suppress my emotions with. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am sorry that it is starting to feel more like a rant. Life is just so hurting for me right now and I just want everything to stop. I just want to feel nothing for a little while. Like , 'I want to run away from home' kind of feeling. This is what happens when I spiral and usually ends up with me being in a 'crisis'. If anyone is out there to talk , I'm open to do so.
TLDR; 14 years ago on the 7th of September and a week after two very traumatic things have happened to me which make me relive that trauma every September. I have a certain way of doing things every year to keep me mentally stable which got thrown off by my current partner who knows of the situation and how I cope. I now feel alone , rejected and hurt. Leaving me with a feeling of wanting to harm myself or run away to just feel nothing. | ptsd |
I'm not doing well lately (that's a euphemism--it's so much more than just "not doing well"), and last night I had an awful panic attack that led to some violent thoughts.
I've reached out to my doctor, of course, and have finally stated that I need to go on medication at this point. But I also don't feel safe being alone at this point. I've reached out to a couple close friends and have let them know/asked if I might come over to their apartment should I need someone. I feel like a burden. I should be able to control this myself, and I can't. I can't fix my own brain. | ptsd |
Hey everyone! I just accepted an offer for a new job, and I have to do a drug screen (urine sample) in the next week or so. I recently started methylphenidate (Concerta to be exact), and I’m worried about how this might affect the results of the drug screen. I know that as an amphetamine, Adderall can show up on drug screens; however, I haven’t seen much information about Concerta/Ritalin.
Does methylphenidate usually trigger a positive result? Should I bring up my prescription before/during the drug screen, or should I wait until after the drug screen (to see if there even is a positive result) to disclose this?
I don’t want to lose this job because of my medication, so any advice would be greatly appreciated! | ADHD |
Hi :) I just realized that my last update about OCD was 2 years ago! I actually have been doing really well for the past 2 years. During this time I've been on 10mg of escitalopram. The only recurring side effect was crazy dreams but I don't mind it at all, it actually felt like watching a movie during the night. My most anxiety-inducing obsessions were gone completely. Of course, the general concept of them would come up once in a while but they didn't really feel like OCD anymore, and if they did they were easy to kind of push away. I don't regret starting medication at all.
Sadly, the reason for the update is less positive. My OCD has shown up again and I'm actually hanging on by a tread. I knew this could happen and it is most likely temporary and due to stressful circumstances. Nevertheless, OCD doesn't really listen to logic and I feel really bad. I'm seeing my psychiatrist again in a week and a half but I would like to meet him a bit sooner. I feel like I'm being needy if I ask for an earlier appointment even though I have one in not so long.
My parents are very mindful about mental health and I'm grateful for that but unfortunately, they often dismiss me due to the fact they don't believe medication would help me. They are of the opinion that psychiatry is only necessary for people with more severe afflictions like schizophrenia or bipolar. I think this is due to my father having successfully gotten rid of his OCD through mindfulness and therapy only. I've tried therapy and it was very stressful and not relieving in my experience. I also feel guilty about my state influencing their mental health negatively as I am their only daughter and I can only imagine it is not easy to watch your child suffer that way. They may be in denial about how bad I feel and it kills me to break their heart.
On the other side, I really want help, but I don't know what other options are viable right now. Wait and keep myself comfortable until my meds kick in again? Increasing the dose? Changing medication altogether? How long will it take me to feel normal again? | OCD |
Work is stressful. Partner is going through stressful things. There's been no release. I'm close to being put on a performance plan at work. Sink is full of uncleaned dishes from Thanksgiving. I dont want to go to bed because then I'll dream. I dont know why other people can deal with these things but I'm so weak.
The world wants me dead. | depression |
I started working as a cashier at a small drugstore type of chain store (except we don’t do prescriptions and stuff like that) a few months back and my OCD is out of control (ALWAYS)
Here are some things I do:
-Reprint the customers receipt as soon as they leave to make sure I got everything scanned right.
-Scan everything really slowly, especially if they have a lot of items..
-Count out the customers money repeatedly and their change as well
-Look at the last 3 digits of the numbers on the barcodes of the items and compare them to the items on the screen
-Making sure i punch in and out of breaks at exactly the right time by clicking on the “last punch” button on the time clock
-Repeat the interactions I have with customers (thinking about my tone of voice, words of choice, etc.)
Tonight there was a customer who bought 30 packets of the same wipes (this customer comes in on a twice weekly basis, and whatever poor cashier is on the main register, is pretty much screwed, because they get the same order every time they come in) and I missed one, and I showed my manager what happened and he said not to worry. But now I’m worried that I may have missed something else on the order (something really important, he had one or two other things too)
even though I remember the bills that he gave me and the change that I gave him.
How can I cope with this behavior? My managers and co workers don’t say anything but I feel like they are judging me and whispering about me behind my back even though I can’t help it, its my illness. | OCD |
Hello,
I have had a total of 3 vivid dreams in the past year and half (last one was yesterday) where I see my ex-wife and myself reuniting.
I diagnosed myself as Asperger about 6 weeks ago, and after this last dream I had a meltdown.
I am wondering if there are any Aspies here who were left by their Cassandra Syndrome wives ? And if anyone has a clue on whether this is denial or is it actually the universe telling me to move towards her ?
FYI: I am an MD, myself a therapist, and went through therapy for the past year and half. My 2 former therapists all said sooner or later she'll show up again.
Any opinions from experienced Aspies ?
Thanks | aspergers |
Not trying to equate being LGBT+ as mental illness at all, just want to make that clear.
But does anyone else feel like the realisation that you have OCD is similar to realising you're not straight?? Like for me it's the same feeling of looking back at my life and seeing all the signs in a new light and being like "damn how didn't I notice that before" | OCD |
Ok a weird thing I do:
-whenever i wash my hands instead of repeatingly washing them i count to 10 to make sure the tap is off(sometimes repeating it.) i do the same with closing containers turning off lights etc. I have found recording a video or taking a picture that the object is off/closed helps me | OCD |
On Monday I start a week's work experience as an Occupational Therapy Assistant.
I've disclosed autism to my supervisor and she is keen to hear my thoughts, insights and suggestions. I'm fabulously excited because mental health is my special interest.
If you have been a patient in a psychiatric hospital I would be fascinated to hear how it went for you. What you liked, what was most challenging and how you think the experienced could have been better/your needs met from in general and also from a neurodivergent perspective.
Thanks in advance! | aspergers |
I have been procrastinating on important tasks for years now including (but not limited to) doing my taxes, fixing a broken tooth, annual drs visit, opening mail, responding to family and friends, and the list goes on and on… the more time that goes by, more stuff gets added to the list and causes me to try to block it out even more.
From the outside it looks like I’m managing life and functioning well in the world as I should be, with work and bills and taking care of family and doing what I need to do to remain afloat. But in the back of my mind, all day everyday for years, is this giant list of important things building up.
I’m a 41 y.o female and have been on adderall for many years and know I also have depression. I really don’t care about anything except for my immediate family and just getting through this life without my struggles taking over me.
I’ve never been suicidal but I do secretly fantasize about aliens taking over the earth or some catastrophic event that will end everything just so I (selfishly) don’t have to deal with my life and the shame I feel.
In addition to this, I haven’t had a boyfriend or dated anyone for a few years and people are starting to wonder. I’m running out of lies and excuses and don’t know how much longer I can play this role.
Any giant asteroids scheduled to collide with the earth in the near future?! | ADHD |
I got home yesterday and found out I GOT KICKED OUT BECAUSE I WASN'T WORKING!!! It seems obvious enough that im FU\*KING DEPRESSED! | depression |
Since the summer of 2021 was near we had lots of tests in school. I wanted to have high grades everywhere English lessons school all my lessons. That period i was EXTREMELY anxious but i said to my self when all this will be over you will have all the summer to relax and feel free. But things werent that similar. Even when i finished my final exam and got good grades i couldnt feel happiness anymore. Also i couldnt feel the hype over things i used to. I lost interest in my favorite hobbies like anime video games basketball etc. I am 15 years old and i want to know if im depressed or it is just the puberty. | depression |
Have you talked to your friends about your triggers? How did you explain it to them? Specifically like your reaction to the trigger rather than the trigger itself.
My best friend has said some things like “you know it’s just me and I won’t hurt you”or “I know it’s hard but it’s something you might encounter and I think it’s best if you try to expose yourself little by little” after he accidentally did one of my triggers. While I know logically this is true, I’m just not in that stage of growth and recovery yet. He is completely clueless when it comes to mental illness and especially PTSD. I am also autistic and find it really hard to find the right words or say the things I need to say.
Thank you for any help! | ptsd |
So, I was hanging with some friends. One of my friends was sitting on my foot. I was telling myself dont move, dont move, dont move. Then this bad, anxious, move feeling. I count that as my ocd. Stuff running through my head "dont move cause that's not nice" then I got this dont care feeling and my feet may have moved a little bit.. now I'm in a whirl that because stuff was in my head, me moving my feet had bad intentions. This all sounds so crazy and I'm so tired of suffering like this. | OCD |
Recently I've gone back to college and gladly enjoy my course enough that I'm super hyperfocused on essay writing rather than distracted HOWEVER it makes me feel really strange and over energised after a while. Totally new experience for me, and my medication has not changed.
I'm 4 hours in today and just had to take a break because my heart rate has increased as if I have gone for a power-walk and I'm getting a bit of slight vertigo, feel like I'm shaking but I'm as still as a rock. Also my back is broke and my jaw hurts because I've been sitting so tense the whole time.
Does anyone else have a physical reaction to hyperfocus and if so how have you delt with it? I'm thinking of setting timers for enforced breaks to see if it helps, but always find outside perspectives and ideas beneficial too. | ADHD |
Hi Reddit,
My therapist already being in holidays (that’s gonna be rough to wait for her to return in January), I asked this question to my family doctor this morning and he told me it’s basically just because I am off-meds.
*Do you, too, go from being barely able to fall asleep and sleep 3-4 hours a night to being exhausted and sleep until someone wakes you ?*
My personal record is 26 hours sleep and still waking up completely drained. I tried melatonin and different hacks to reset my circadian rythm but nothing works. As said earlier, my family doctor thinks it’s because I am off-meds and my brain just likes to do his own thing.
Does that happen to you guys too ? | ADHD |
After 2015, I stopped ever mentioning that I had been diagnosed with ASD after I got a few sneers from coworkers as I was attempting to explain my social inadequacies at the time. Years of pain, fighting and dying to live later, I now start conversations with strangers that show an interest in my writing. Unlike my generation who'd rather swipe on tinder and act a fool. I have a lot that needs to be said and it's difficult to say. Painful but freeing. Looking back, I'm surprised I hung on so tightly. I had to literally kill off all I'd ever loved to the point the future became absent of all light till I had a near-death experience on my motorcycle. Safe to say the light got a little too bright after that. Life literally put me through one of the most painful emotions I think humans can have, love. Especially when it's found within the individual as, more often than not, people are looking outside of themselves for love. Looking to things or people for validation, not internally as it's obviously painful to do. Especially when you've been so blinded by the modern worlds portrayal of sanity (mask). Of which is just sin guised as virtue because people have adapted quite well to our collective decent into chaos.
Talked to an older couple last night. Bringing up how I knew how lost my generation was. A labyrinth of choices, addictions and virtues that lead people either astray or into a hole they can't dig themselves out of. Labels given to people that feel a certain way that instils a notion internally that they're somehow flawed or broken. Once I made headway in the conversation, I'd made the comment that I had been diagnosed with ASD. The gentleman named Paul said he couldn't see any of it in me. Touché considering what's happened in my life the moment I'd found self-love. I even when on the route of mentioning post NDE, I watched video of Elon Musk talking and knew he'd have to of been diagnosed with it as well. I think we all know about the SNL skit and mentioning of it. Face palm moment when I knew I called it out weeks before.
Self-love is more than just self appreciation. It's an understanding of why the pain existed in the first place. What was making me depressed or anxious? Why did I feel so lost and unfound? Where was I to go when I saw nothing worthy of me that'd grant me the life I desired? Not an easy life mind you, but one I could envision a way to a future worth living, to lead my on a life worth dying for. I'd discovered that when I'd learned everything from my past so suddenly. All the painful lessons I was avoiding to which my life became a kind of template I could use to guide others to a point of mental freedom. The kind secret societies would rather not teach people as it'd leave them uncontrollable. Instead of chaos, we'd have a kind of societal order. Where life wasn't predicated on forcing people to do certain things under the virtues of meaningless work or fitting in socially. To value meaningless material over the experiences themselves. To find the true source of life. To which I say, don't conform to the ideals of the herd!
The most intelligent people face the darkest of demons and the moment I'd found self-love so suddenly, I'd realized I was surrounded by them. People that probably meant no harm except with the ignorance that they had. Seemed strange to me that people grew comfortable around me when I was quiet and suffering internally. The moment I was no longer afraid of people or in pain, their true selves came out. Psychologically speaking, my shadow had been incorporated thus awakened the shadows of the people around me. Given my past being anti-social to an extent. Being ostracized again hurt, sure, but I'd done it before feeling alone. I can do it again with me myself and I, the only person I truly need by my side. The rest are slowly coming along. Now I can present the real me without fear and a voice strong to strike down those that believe they know me or pretend to. Because ignorance is bliss by not having to walk in the shoes of another.
What a life... | aspergers |
I had been called a bot today in my country subreddit due to posting 4 comments there one after another, talking good about certain politician that happens to have my same name, so someone, even if I have a lot of karma and participate en a billion communities thought that i´m a robot, IDK what to think about it.
Anyone else with the same experience?
​
The [tread](https://www.reddit.com/r/chile/comments/pivrhx/discusión_random_semanal/hccpx9a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)^((if you know Spanish or can traduce it))
​
Edit: now that I think of it, I´s probably a joke, but someone said there that I was the politicians that I was talking about, wierd. | aspergers |
In 2015 something extraordinary happened. It completely destroyed me and to this day I'm a changed person, if you could call me a person at all anymore. Soon I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I've had modest mental health issues before, but by far not as severe and intense as after that event. I received a lot of therapy, but I always felt like the therapists and doctors misunderstood me and tried to treat issues that were way more simple and mundane than what I actually experience.
Then some day, doing my own research, I stumbled upon the word "trauma" for the first time, but I disregarded it as I wouldn't connect my experience to it. It happened more often that I would try to find out the reason for certain issues and find trauma as the most probable reason for someone to have that issue. "Why do I wake up with my heart racing when I hear a voice outside?" "Why do I feel unsafe in unfamiliar places?" "Why am I unable to just chill from time to time?" "Why is my memory so insanely bad?"
I tried to get re-diagnosed again and again and as far as I know PTSD would definitely be considered, if there wouldn't be just one little problem. What I have experienced isn't regarded as traumatizing. So the one single experience that turned my life from a pretty normal life into a constant memory of the distressing experience itself, just couldn't possibly be traumatizing to anyone.
So here I am still stranded with "panic attacks" "that could be treated in five sessions of CBT", even if 160 sessions of CBT, three hospital visits and all possible combinations of antidepressants haven't touched on any of my issues. I'm unable to work due to sleep issues, lack of focus and due to the problem that I need to be free to just leave if I start to spiral. And I just wished what happened back then simply didn't happen. It has put me up to so many issues and it completely took myself out of my life.
But after all, I'm not the expert here. The doctors are. And they keep saying the same thing over and over again, that I have anxiety and that's pretty easy to treat. So following that narrative I have to be somehow getting in my own way to recovery by being a bitchy patient or sth... | ptsd |
I have an aspie friend who is very well liked as he approaches anyone with a big friendly smile - but seems socially awkward one on one unless he knows them very well.
Why is he so generally likeable and approaches people in a friendly way if he is socially awkward one on one or in small groups? | aspergers |
I’m taking an exam next month for a credential required for my career (its like the boards for nurses). Its a really big test! Like if I pass, my career can start and the past 7 years will all be worth it! As I was applying, they asked if I had a disability covered by the ADA and I said yes. I had my doctor sign a form and now I get double time and my own testing room!!!
I put off going to the DMV for 2 years, got a fat $400 fine. I explained that it expired during the 2020 lockdown and I have an executive functioning disorder that made it difficult for me to complete the task on time (once it was late, the pressure mounted, the dmv was closed for months and I needed a smog test- so many obstacles my head just said nope!). I also added that the total cost of $800 was literally my rent for the month. The lady waived all fines. Shocking. I didn’t have to ask her to remove the fines, but I did and she said yes.
Just state your truth, ask for accommodations and you may be happily surprised! | ADHD |
At this point I just keep spiraling and can’t seem to control it. I have a fuckin series of false/uncertain memories that I can’t shake off no matter what I do. They just keep coming back and I do not know if they are real or not. Maybe a certain aspect is real, but I can live with that aspect being true, but some aspects I simply cannot. I try to cut off reassurance and rumination, but it always seems as if though my brains HUNGERS for it. I’m only 17, it’s my last year of school, but I struggle to focus. Every single instant I have a good time with someone I feel shame cuz they don’t now what I’m thinking about. I just feel tired. I wanna go back to how my life used to be. I’m feel scared, cold and alone. Any sort of help is appreciated | OCD |
I've stopped myself from having fun, aka going out or going to see friends. I also stop myself from feeling good in the way you think (likely) and just in general. I feel guilty and stressed when I don't have any fun but I have to stop myself because I work, and I have to keep working on projects to be satisfied. I really hate this BS my brain takes me through, giving me reasons why I shouldn't go see a friend. Apparently I talk too much, maybe that's why. Apparently inconclusive results when I went to my psychiatrist and therapist. | OCD |
When I was younger I had sexual experiences with boys my age that I believe swayed my too young brain way too early. I'm 27 now and have been living as an openly gay man all my life. But living this life I realize I don't want it. I do get sexual pleasure from it but that's it. I don't bond with most men, I think I just have a habitual loop with the gay life and I'm more interested in trying to date women but getting out of this loop is hard. My family all accepts me being gay, they are supportive and loving. All my friends were cool with it. So it's not anything external it's internal for the most part. My experiences with gay men have changed me... I cannot really imagine being with a man. I want a long term relationship but I can barely picture one with a man. My mind thinks women would fit me more... I have experimented with porn and I do find women attractive apparently. I just never noticed... and I feel like I'm going through a second puberty. this sounds weird but I don't know what to do, and how to proceed and I would love advice. | aspergers |
I have this thing that if I am talking to someone or a group of people I would say something and immediately feel weird and worthless. This happens a lot after I make jokes. Do you guys experience this? | aspergers |
I was diagnosed in second grade I believe. I didn’t figure it out until 7th grade. I did always feel different to everyone else, but I never put two and two together until then. My auditory stimulation or “Stim” as people call it is humming. I do it without even realizing it. My siblings hated it and always belittled me for it. And the kids at school always made fun of it of course. My cousin was the worst offender though, he would get mad at me for stuff I did that was symptomatic of Aspergers.(Obsessions, Stimming, etc)I try to tell him as such and he would always say it was just in my head. And that Aspergers is only a social disease. Because of these situations I’ve always tried to hide that I have Aspergers and try to fit in with the crowd. I’ve done this my whole life up until now.(23) But very recently I’ve discovered many of people who had Aspergers (Jim Henson, Dan Akyrod, Sir Anthony Hopkins, and many more) and just today when I was walking I had the epiphany that I need to stop hiding and be proud of it, not hide it because it’s a part of who I am! Since then it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. | aspergers |
I haven't had a "flare-up" in a while. But today's been hard. My anxiety has been roaring all day about a whole bunch of random things(as I suppose it usually works). At dinner one of my siblings started complaining about how their life's so unfair because the little 3 kids have a more stable life and get more opportunities than us big 3 have had(although I'm making it a lot less complicated than it really was, but still). Suddenly I found myself thinking how different I would have been and how many more opportunities I would have had throughout my childhood if I hadn't always been worried about big adult things, if my mother wasn't a drug addict, if my father hadn't been emotionally abusive, if I hadn't been raped... It's safe to say that I found myself playing with my food and silently crying at the table while I was trying to push back flashbacks. But of course, no one noticed.
UPDATE: Don't you just love when on the inside you'd really just love to have someone's pity for even a moment, but you've been trained to just bottle everything up and to put on a brave face? It's been a rough morning so I've spent the majority of it crying off and on, and my aunt stops over as she always does, and what do I do? Wipe up the tears and put on a smile hoping both that she doesn't notice my puffy eyes, and also that she does... But of course, she didn't, so yeah...
UPDATE 2: Tomorrow's going to be interesting... I have 2 weddings to go to, one will have some people I know, and the other has no people I know(except my aunt who I'm helping with photos). And I tend to overanalyze large groups of people that I have to spend any longer time with... so having all these flare-ups right in a couple of days before is going to make things really interesting. But maybe I'll actually open up and talk to my aunt... Doubtful because I'm too good at hiding things even when I don't want to, but we'll see. | ptsd |
I can't even breathe without being criticized, and if I see or hear something beautiful I'm immediately torn down and prevented from appreciating it. I see their face in my mind all the time which gets in between me and whatever I'm experiencing. No modicum of peace of enjoyment is possible. I'm under 24/7 assault.
I've meditated every day for almost 4 months, trying to allow the intrusive thoughts and observe them and yet still it goes on. It does not help that the subject of my thoughts is someone I live with, and I cannot leave because my anxiety is too extreme for me to be able to get a job and support myself. I try to be positive and nonchalant about it but I'm at the end of my tether, I can't handle it. I've had this problem for many years but it's been the worst this year (I'm 26 now and have never had a full time job) and I have nobody to talk to about it, virtually zero friends or anything. I feel like I'm in hell, in a bad dream that I can't get out of. It's a nightmare and there is no reprieve because it's coming from own mind. I can't afford therapy or anything and am stuck because I also can't get a job in the state that I'm in.
This is not a hallucinatory thing, by the way. I do not hear or see things as though they are really there. Please, if anyone could give me some advice or comfort or relate to me in any way; I feel totally insane and helpless and in constant fear of the inside of my own head. I hope this is not an inappropriate post for this sub. | OCD |
I'm a university student in my third year of a four year program, and honestly there were moments where I thought I'd never get this far. For context, I got my ADHD diagnosis late, at the age of 20. After therapy and the right medication I was able to get into the university program of my choice and maintain good grades.
Things obviously got way harder with the COVID lockdowns -- I haven't been to campus since my first year, and all of my courses have been done online. I've done a decent job of keeping up with everything despite the ADHD, although with my schedule being thrown off I started to forget about taking my medication and eventually stopped it altogether (I know, I'm an idiot). To make matters worse, I'm now anxious to start taking the meds again because of some of the side effects I experienced when I first took them (which is silly because I know they work well for me).
But I digress -- the reason for this post is that I screwed up on an assignment and I can't stop beating myself up about it. I'm in a coding course this semester and while it's been stressful I've managed to get most things done. This specific assignment turned out to be difficult and so I figured I'd take some late marks if it meant I could give myself more time to finish it. Fast forward a couple of days and I'm getting nowhere, so I finally reach out to the prof and try to explain the situation honestly (that I'm having a hard time, that I didnt reach out earlier because I thought I could get it done if I risked the late marks) Today is the day that it was supposed to be graded by our TAs, and I didn't even go to class out of fear that I'd be told off because of my situation. I also still haven't received a response from the prof.
I'm now feeling that ADHD shame -- why didn't I reach out sooner? Why didn't I start sooner so I could ask for help? My prof will probably ask me those questions too. I'll probably fail. I'll fail the whole semester. Why am I such an idiot? Rinse and repeat.
Any advice on what I should do now? And how do I stop beating myself up over these kinds of things? | ADHD |
I’m 21 and have had Adhd my entire life and I’ve always heard how great people with ADHD are when it comes to socializing with others or just analyzing people in general. But yet I feel like when it comes to flirting I just dismiss it as they’re being nice and as a result I’m just so oblivious to it.
If anyone has any advice or feels like they struggle with this to that would be great. It’s always nice to know you’re not the only one. | ADHD |
I'm waking up early at the same time and don't feel tired. I think it's because I'm anxious about my trauma therapy.II'm also more easily spooked now.
I have other comorbid disorders that make change very distressing for me. | ptsd |
So bascially I have OCD with thoughts and everytime I have one of these I feel like the people next to me can read my mind and I am actually seriously scared of it | OCD |
I KNOW I have potential. I'm sure you all know that about yourselves too (even if you don't, I know you do). I always thought there was something wrong w me bc I couldn't apply myself fully.
A few days ago I got diagnosed with ADHD and although I suspected that I have it, getting told by a professional that it's actually how my brain processes things is hard to look past. I'm trying not to get down on myself. I want to look on the bright side.. like telling myself that it wasn't me being lazy all along, it's the way my brain processes things.
But then it somehow makes me feel worse. I want to live my damn life and there's this thing getting in the way everytime I try to push myself and work harder at the things I want to improve and grow in my life. I can't because I end up feeling so emotionally, physically and mentally EXHAUSTED, and far too overwhelmed.
It's as if my mind goes into self defense mode like it can't handle anything. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself but I see people hustling, working out everyday, working at their careers etc. I can only do things one at a time over a long period. It just makes me feel so incompetent as a person. Not to mention emotional dysregulation sort of demanded to come in the way of having a productive day - whatever that may be.
I've had a long day and feeling burntout and overwhelmed. So all in all I needed a place to rant about my mind and getting into this ADHD victim mindset. | ADHD |
No matter what I do or try I can not stop thinking about anything, I either think about the past/future/random potential outcomes/some flaws I have/things I have not achieved/what others might be thinking/etc.
I feel like I am going crazier with each day and year in my life, everything just keeps building up and it just makes me become even more fatigued and passive because I am constantly held back by my anxiety and overthinking | aspergers |
I took my 2.5yo to her speech therapy today and while I was in the room with the therapist I had somewhat of a flashback (maybe there is a better word for it.)
The therapist is around 60 and had her hair dyed dark brown, where it normally had a lot of gray, and feathered since I had last seen her a few weeks ago. As a man, this would usually go unnoticed but this was different. With a facemask on she looked identical to my abusive and neglectful narcissistic mother, who I cut off before having my own kids. She is the sole source of my PTSD.
The worst part was it was like watching my mother play with my child where I have repeatedly sworn to never allow any contact to my children with my mother. My kids have never met her, they don’t even know that she exists. The only saving grace was that the voices don’t match each other at all. I did everything in my power to not look at her while in there but it’s basically impossible.
Over the last year of intense therapy, I have uncovered so many suppressed memories of her abuse. I have had a few flashbacks but this was worse, this was now, this was with my kid, it didn’t feel safe to be there, and I basically had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t having a vivid nightmare.
I can’t sleep right now at all. Why the hell does this have to be so difficult? I just want to be past this shit. | ptsd |
When I was in highschool, I was special ed tested and it was a long process and at the end of it all they told me was that I had 145 iq and adhd and depression. They then told me they expected great things from me. They never gave me any help for adhd or anything they were just kinda like haha see ya later. My psych wants to look into adhd for me because he thinks its extremely likely too. Has anyone else had an experience like this? | ADHD |
So I tried making a 0%-100% scale to help measure things and give accurate feedback to my psychiatrist. But that scale is not very good, and I'm wondering if anyone has made anything better, or if I'm just gonna have to figure out the hard stuff on my own.
It also doesn't account for the different executive function deficits I feel (self-start, self-sustain, and working memory), so I'll either need to factor that into my scale, or ~~steal~~ borrow from someone else's.
Got anything that'll help?
Here's my (old) scale for reference:
>100% - "My body and mind will do whatever I want them to do with no issues whatsoever. Instead of
feeling like putting in effort is a constant uphill battle, it feels only natural to do what I need to
do. It's only a shallow downhill and not a steep downhill, but it is no longer uphill."
>
>90% - "I am able to sit down and work on my task. I know that I cannot sustain it indefinitely,
but I don't feel worried that I'll run out of focus before it's time for me to stop."
>
>80% - "I feel unconfident in my ability to sustain my efforts (to keep doing what I'm trying to do), but
for now I'm mostly able to function."
>
>70%
>
>60%
>
>50% - "I am able to execute most daily function tasks. Any task that does not generate excitement
will need some amount of building up to before I am able to execute. Any task that generates
a moderate amount of dread or dislike is highly unlikely to happen, but may happen if the
stressor is strong enough and the build-up time is long enough."
>
>40% - "Any effort takes active buildup. I have to wash the dishes, but I don't want to. In order to get
myself to wash the dishes, I tell myself I will do it an hour from now. I play games for the next
hour, consistently checking the clock and telling myself I need to start dishes at X:00. At X:00
or X:15, my consistent self-reminders have generated enough focus quantity for me to be able
to stand up, walk downstairs, and wash the dishes."
>
>30% - "Access to muscle-memory commands (such as walk, or pick item up) is limited. Instead of
giving the command to walk forward, I must manually focus on the sensation of my leg moving
forward and my foot making contact with the ground. I experience a sort of 'ghosting'
sensation when moving my hands and legs, where it feels almost as if my hands and legs are
lagging behind a slight amount."
>
>20% - "I am unable to get out of bed or stand up on command. I must build that up first in order to be
able to accomplish it. I build that up by performing small tasks I am able to perform. I close
and open my fists. I focus on my breathing rhythm. I flex and relax my toes. After several
repetitions I have built up enough focus quantity to be able to stand up. I now must repeat
these actions to be able to walk over and start my task."
>
>10%
>
>0% " - Despite wanting to get out of bed, I am literally unable to. I cannot even call for help. Like
sleep paralysis, but the mind does not obey instructions either, and is mostly just blank." | ADHD |
The last two weeks of school, I felt left out of my friend group with my best friend included. I don’t know if I was, but it has been weighing heavy on me ever since. It genuinely felt like I was. There was one event in particular where my best friend admitted our friendship was one-sided for a time.
My therapist is telling me to accept that I don’t know. But it just hurts so much. I have wanted to ask my best friend and see.
I have also wanted to just run away from him and push him away. This is what I want to do more than anything. I hate to say that because I love him like my brother, but it’s true.
My therapist is telling me to accept I don’t know, but is telling me to make my own decision.
This is miserable. I don’t know what to do. | OCD |
I don’t understand if it’s something linked to my anxiety/OCD or Asperger | aspergers |
Not sure if this is weird but here goes. To start off I'm a male. This is bothering me so much. Lately, I've been have this fear that after I ejaculate when I'm done masturbating, somehow some seman or even trace amounts of it might still be on me, and/or if I touch someone else, then they might get it on them; even though I wash my hands with soap after I'm done masturbating. This fear came about because I started to think about how long sperm live for; and I starting to excessively worry about somehow, even though I clean myself well after masturbating, a woman might touch my hand or something, and there might be a chance that she could accidentally touch her vagina afterwards (idk how; maybe in the bathroom or something), and then she would somehow get pregnant, which I do not want to happen.
I started researching online on how long they live for, and one article said they can live up to a few hours outside the body, and one article said 15-30 minutes, and then I found an article that said it's dead once it's dried up.
This fear has caused me to stop masturbating, because I am excessively worrying about this. My god, ocd is ruining my life. Like is this fear even rational? | OCD |
It was about rape ocd. It was fear that I may have assaulted someone in the past but they said I didn’t and that they wanted me. And it got deleted. Idk if this has happened to anyone before. Where their posts get deleted. | OCD |
Just had a thought that I hit someone in the head now I’m scared I acc done it, I can see the person right now and they ain’t hurt at all but I’m scared I’m just imagining them not hurt and I’ve killed them | OCD |
I feel like im getting better like things are getting better but im just starting to go numb which I know temporarily makes everything seem better but really it ends up making everything worse I wish I could just actually get better for once instead of this constant cycle if thinking im gonna be ok and sometimes actually being ok and then just getting sent to a bad place why do bad things always have to happen when im just starting to feel good I can't cry anymore after weeks of crying myself to sleep I can't cry anymore and im just gonna keep up appearances at school despite the fact im slowly drowning more and more im gonna act like everything is ok and like im happy because fake it till you make it right | depression |
Sometimes if I sit or lay on my bed in the dark I think "what if I smashed my elderly cat?" I look all over my bed and don't see him but I still think maybe I did. Then I go find him and I feel better. I am not diagnosed ocd, is this ocd? Should I go to a doctor for something like this? | OCD |
I am a, 16 year old male who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. My family and I had suspected that I had it for a while, but I wasn't officially diagnosed until earlier this week.
Anyway, I am trying Qelbree for a month to see if it works. I thought would be helpful to log my experience because there so little information about this drug from ADHD patients. Feel free to ask any questions.
This is the morning of the third day so ill recap the first to days. Keep in mind I am not an expert so please take everything with a grain of salt, I can't tell what placebo and what an actually effect of the medication
The during the first day the side effect were very mild in the morning but my focus a bit weird don't really know how to describe it really bad or good just different. At the side effects ramped up a bit got really tired around 6:00pm, and had dry mouth. Sleeping was fine took a while to fall a sleep.
I woke up the next day and I actually felt energized usually in the I feel like a zombie but good that morning. However some more noticeable side effects set in I feel a bit shaky and had no apatite. during the day I felt a bit clearer focus I school less daydreaming/ zoning out. Not as much drowsiness yesterday but it definitely still there.
​
TL:DR: Mildly improve focus and sleep, side effects for me are drowsiness jitters and lack of apatite | ADHD |
Recently diagnosed when I heard the word “masking” my whole life flashed back
And saw myself mimicking people that I considered cool or successful and mimicked personality, wardrobe, and even certain words they used after a while I got burned out grabbed another personality and on I went
Even noticed going back to certain characters/people after years of moving to others
Since I discovered that I’ve been more in tune with what I want and it’s riding my bike, surfing, martial arts, watching movies
Shit that I enjoyed doing when I was 10 pretty much
Not sure if anyone can relate thanks | aspergers |
Before i go to the advice i have to say, i am by no means a proffessional at all, so take everything i say with a grain of salt and dont take it too seriously, i am only a person who beat OCD and want to help others beat it as well.
1 And the most important one, dont stop doing the things you want to do because of your ocd, dont ever let OCD control you! You need to never let OCD take away your happiness, your life is your own, go ahead enjoy it, even when it seems tough
2 Have fun! Do stuff that makes you laugh or happy, its alot harder to be thinking hard about something when your enjoying yourself
3 Be around people! Be with your friends or family (it can even be pets), be with your loved ones, you shouldnt feel alone with this whole garbage exprience, and also try to vent with someone you trust. Dont bottle up your emotions because theyre just gonna grow bigger and bigger (you can write down your emotions too if you dont have someone)
4 Distract yourself from your OCD with new expriences, do something that is interesting to you or something that you have never done before, you will think about that instead of whatsever bothering you
5 Try to think positive, if you only think about how things can get bad, bad will come to you but if you think good, good will come to you
You just need to be hopeful when it comes to things like this, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel doesnt matter how dark it is or how deep you are stuck in it, your going to be break free out of this hell that is called OCD, it will take time but you can do it, doesnt matter how unlikely you think thats going to be, one day life will get normal again and you can enjoy it, its really though to believe it i know but just keep that flame in your heart alive, sometimes in life things can seem impossible, sometimes in life the road can look really bumpy, some days you will wish you didnt wake up but every struggle makes you every bit stronger than you were ever before, one day you will look back on OCD and say to yourself "i came out of that hell alive" and be proud of yourself, its only a small part of your life and it will get better, its only a matter of time. :)
Also to be clear, I dont mean to run away from your thoughts, embrace them, accept that they are here, but you also shouldnt be stuck thinking about them, accept them but dont make them overstay their welcome | OCD |
Hi idk where to start this post but. I suffer from MDD, PTSD, and Anxiety I am 22 and live with my fiance and child. I have dreams of my abusive past replaying in my head, once in a while. But what got me was two weeks ago. I came out of my bathroom it was dark and I got lost in the hallway in our apartment. It felt like I was being hunted, watched, like I was hiding. My mother was very abusive to me as a child and I would hide in my closet behind piles of stuff like toys, purses, clothes. In a dark closet I would hold my breath, hide behind my stuff till she would go away, so I didn't get beat. I have reoccurring memories when I'm out in public and I start panicking and have to go to the bathroom till I calm down. Or me and my significant other just leave. This has been the first time I've experienced this, is my PTSD getting worse. Also just to inform you our bedroom is like three steps away from our bathroom. As soon as I flipped the switch off the episode happened, I felt like I was frozen, I was scared, I was lost. Please help me. | ptsd |
Choked on my spit and I have ocd. I’m scared I’m drowning or something, like what if I’m dying and don’t even know? What if I die in my sleep and no one can save me? Also I keep having bad intrusive thoughts about having to search up like gore and sh*t. But I’m not gonna cause I don’t wanna. But what if I do? Oh god. Ocd is killing me someone please help. Also don’t tell me to pray please give me mental advice. | OCD |
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