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And I'm very proud of progress!
Since I was raped in 2017, my entire world fell apart in every single way... untreated PTSD, alcoholism, anorexia, troubles at work, constant rumination, complete lack of self care and just generally not being able to manage my life, make healthy decisions, or positive progress in any way shape or form.
I went on an amazing holiday over new years this year and promised myself this year would be different (and it was!). Here's what I've been up to (and you can do it too!) - sorry if any of this sounds braggy but I think it's important to illustrate what a difference a year can make:
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1. acknowledged I was raped
2. told my old boss
3. reported him to the police
4. moved into a lovely flat
5. met an incredible partner
6. started focusing on the \*correct\* thing in therapy
7. received the correct diagnosis and adjusted meds
8. achieved a dream I've had since school of founding a pretty niche business
9. applied, and was accepted on an amazing programme for entrepreneurs and will hopefully launch another business this year
10. practiced self-care and boundaries more regularly
11. refused to take on other people's emotional shit if I was approaching overwhelm
12. repaired my key relationships
13. asked my doctor for support in quitting alcohol
14. rediscovered my love of cooking healthy and nourishing meals (that I can actually eat!)
15. managed to remain (relatively) sane living alone during lockdown
16. started seriously considering getting a dog over Christmas (I've wanted one for aaaages but you can't look after something else if you can't look after yourself!)
17. signed up for a marathon next year and started training (another long-held dream)
​
So, all in all, a completely transformational year, and trust me - if I can do it then you can do it too! I'd love to hear what good things have happened to you this year, no matter how small! x | ptsd |
I've been taking Ritalin for about a month now. I started on 20 mg for two weeks, then 40 mg for a week and now 60 mg. My doctor says we can go up to 80 mg, but I'm just not feeling much? The first week I could tell when the it kicked in, and I've read it's normal for that to go away. But now I don't notice anything? I don't notice when it starts, nor when it ends. I've been able to study some, but it's going slow and I'm behind. My exam is approaching fast and I was hoping that this would help me get back on track.
I'm feeling discouraged and like Its not really having much of an effect. I haven't seen improvement in my ability to clean my house, keeping on track in conversations, remembering stuff, keeping focus while listening to podcasts, and so on. I just feel like the effect I had was a week of hyperfocus? Followed by 2-3 days of burnout. And because I have my exam over my head, I am incapable of doing anything else than school. So I've been very little productive while living in a mess and having anxiety about not getting enough done.
Is this normal and gets better? I'm finding it hard to know what to expect.. | ADHD |
I have never been able to stay in a job for more than 8 months. I get excited and I enjoy new jobs new routines. But then I get burnt out, mistreated by employer (due to ADHD related things - mistakes/lateness) or tired of it (repetitive) and I get the urge to 'find something that is not going to be as tiring' (as if that's gonna happen). Consistency is non existent on my resume and I'm worried its starting to look bad to employers. This happen like clock work with every job.
For context I'm full time student taking 3 courses and working 25 hours a week. I'm living independently from family so I pay my own way. I could quit and go on loans or stay put.
Pros, consistent schedule, super flexible with school schedule, garunteed pay $1700 a month
Cons, takes time away from school, and home (falling behind in homework and chores)
just did a personal training course in August, I have wanted to get this for 6+ years and I finally have it and am not using it. But I don't think I'll have same scheduling freedoms as I do here.
However, personal trainers make more money then I currently do so there is a chance I could maintain the income at a new job with less hours. It's too unknown. At this time I want to quit due to tiredness and school but December break for work and school is in 2 weeks. And next semester already feels too busy to add 'job hunting' to the to do list.
Thoughts? | ADHD |
Yep. I created my OCD. I don't know how, but I did. I guess too much stress.
Back in June I had a huge fight with my husband. He said some triggering things to me. Things that toed the line of verbal abuse. Things that brought me back to my college years of having no self esteem and being coerced. I shared with a friend, and they told me it was abusive behavior. Hearing that gave me the bravery to bring it up to him. He justified it by saying I had been selfish (I was, I got married young and I'm definitely immature, but I'm not abusive) and said if I couldn't learn to respect him then the marriage was over and he would leave me and go find someone else. I just remember feeling HEARTBROKEN. He was ALWAYS throwing around divorce like some sort of ultimatum like it was nothing to him. I started having panic attacks, and getting disassociative episodes (I have a history of these. I was medicated for it for 15 years but came off in 2019).
I was good for awhile, but got worse after he got into this second car wreck in six months. This time it was my car that I passed onto him after he totaled his in an accident. Granted, he does have ADHD so I try to be understanding, but we just kept getting deeper and deeper into a hole and I started to think where do I draw the line? I wasn't ready for this irresponsiblity?
I decided to quit smoking weed, which was probably the only thing keeping me remotely sane, at which point I became so utterly depressed I couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything except lay around and cry. I quit all my hobbies, lost interest in everything, and felt like I had died. I eventually started therapy because it felt like too much.
In therapy, I learned I have borderline, narcissistic, and co-dependent traits. The therapist made me realize how I'm basically just a people pleaser with no self-worth that gets all my pleasure out of attention-seeking, pleasing others, recognition, and trying to impress who I'm around. She made me realize I don't really have any friends because I'm kind of fake, and if they don't offer me validation or something in return, I don't do anything to really cultivate the relationship. And my husband doesn't help because he hates friends, hates people, and discourages me from doing things on my own or meeting people. That was a big wake-up call and it made me start to question everything.
I began googling, looking up my diagnoses, going back and thinking about my college years and all the nasty stuff I did and bad situations I put myself in for short lived moments of self-esteem. All the people I hurt and backstabbed because they either intimidated me or because I thought I was better than them. All the things my husband did to me throughout the years that constituted as abuse. And now I just feel broken. I feel like I've lost my entire sense of identity, who I am, and what I live for.
I'm so sad. I used to love him so much, or so I thought. I used to like who I was, or so I thought. I'm absolutely miserable. I'm afraid to go back to my hobbies or to try and rekindle my relationship with my husband because I can't help but question, is there more to life? Should I restart? Is this a chance to be a better person and live for me and not be codependent forever?
And now he's gotten into ANOTHER car accident. Part of me says, now is your chance to NOT be selfish and be a good wife. And another part of me says, now is your chance to be independent and stop enabling this behavior and finally walk away and do something for yourself!
God, I'm so sick of crying, ruminating, and having panic attacks all day. I cannot believe what's happened to me. I'm literally afraid of myself and my thoughts. | OCD |
Hi all, I've a really difficult time driving because I am absolutely terrified of hitting someone with my car. I'm actually a pretty good and cautious driver, and I obey every law to my best ability, but its this fixation with accidentally running someone over that gives me anxiety and prevents me from getting to places on time. I'll literally turn around places to check if a pothole is a person or not, only to hit it again and get stuck into an endless loop. I've developed a system unintentionally to help with this, but I need to break free from it as it's causing undue anxiety. I basically pre call out any sort of deviation in the road before I go over it. For instance in my mind before going over a plot, I'll call out: pothole, pothole, turning arrow, turning text, oil spillage, crack in road, etc. It sucks, because I get so wrapped up in it, and if I fail to call something out before I go over it my mind treats it as an emergency, and you guesed it, gotta turn around and check. Does anyone have any ideas on how to beat this and stop doing my stupid little ritual? | OCD |
when i had an appointment with my psychiatrist a few months ago she told me i had ocd tendencies :/ anyways, i have noticed the tendencies i have,, have been stuff like doing things over and over again just to see if i can actually satisfy myself by doing it good over and over again. which sucks and then leads to me self loathing, doubting myself, and over analyzing if i don’t do it right again and again. the things i do for example is my makeup, nails, handwriting. these things trigger my perfectionism sadly.. | OCD |
everytime i have to drive through downtown of where i live i physically feel sick to my stomach because all the memories come flooding back and i cant forget it i cant forget it ii cant forget it just make me forget it its tearing me apart and it fucks me up emotionally for days because i miss him and im sorry and its my fault and now i have no one i just wish i could forget but i cant i even dream about it i think i see him places but i know hes not there i wish i could forget please make me forget | ptsd |
I’ve tried concerta, adderall XR, and now I’m on regular adderall but just a very small dosage so far but I intend on increasing my dosage. I see people saying that they noticed an immediate and drastic difference but I haven’t with any of these medications. If anything the difference is subtle enough that I don’t know if it’s me being motivated to do my work or the medication. It’s making me question whether or not I have ADHD. Has anyone else had a similar experience? | ADHD |
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[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/nx912a) | OCD |
Hello all! I am officially creating a post that I’ve been procrastinating on for a very long time. Something I’ve always wondered was how have others come out having ocd to friends and/or family. I would love to hear stories. Maybe a little help on the - convincing them - part as well.
I’ve attempted multiple times to talk about it but I always get the “everyone is a little ocd” response. This was probably 7+ years ago. And not only on one occasion. But no more than three attempts. . Just gets annoying when I have to repeat myself (funny how that works).
I would like to eventually do a little back story of my time with it and what I feel like triggered it to begin with. Or maybe I’ve always had it but something happened to me that made it worse? Unsure. But I’m going to save that for another day.
I have been reading a lot of posts on here for quite sometime and I appreciate all of you being so open with it. It has been a comfort to me knowing that I am not alone. And I hope to be more proactive in discussions on this page. 🖤 | OCD |
I passed with an 80 and I'm proud of myself honestly! These past few months have been tough honestly childhood trauma coming back, first sexual relationship ended horribly (ex was controlling and manipulative), battling alcohol addiction, and dealing with finding out I possibly have ptsd and quiet bpd (therapist thinks I do but wants to do more sessions before diagnoses) has been a tough and draining experience.
But I did it! I passed and I'm proud of myself. Proud of myself for passing, proud that I haven't drank in 2 months, proud I resched out for help, and proud that I have been trying to just heal from everything. | ptsd |
i feel so awful. my mood changes so much everyone and everything affects my mood. my mom gets upset at me for not being positive enough that i will get better, but i've tried. every time j think it's gonna get better it just ends up 10x worse. i want to just get some bars and let the pain melt away but i know i will regret it. i've been feeling like this for almost the whole year, it's gotten worse as the year goes on. i'm so sick of feeling this way. i don't want to die, i just want to feel okay and not feel like it's the end of the world when i'm upset or sad. please if you have any advice tell me please | depression |
I’m 18 and I feel miserable. Life sucks and people are shit. Everyone tells me this isn’t true but it sure feels that way. Idk I’m just depressed and I’m getting suicidal again. Meds aren’t really working anymore and I’ve got no friends. I’m leaving for college in a month or so but I’m worried I won’t be able to make it. Just wish things could be a little easier for once I guess. Sorry for the rambling | aspergers |
I tend to get bullied everywhere I go, I don't like going outside and interacting with people. I was home-schooled and now I'm trying to adapt to being an adult and trying to make friends. I found myself a night-crew job at Walmart but my coworkers are not in my age group. The only time I go outside is going to my local rock-climbing gym. However, I hardly interact with people, and the people have started spreading rumors about saying I'm a girl, when I'm a guy. I always overhear them saying things about me. I tend to keep my head down and wear my hoodie and sometimes wear my headphones. But it's hard I don't like being made fun of. So I'm just thinking about just quitting the gym. | aspergers |
I have lately been dealing with what seems to be racism OCD. It all started with me sayings racist word in public a year ago. I was not stressed about it back then however, it came back. I have been stressed about the consequences that it would have caused if I had different people around be when I said it and me being racist.
Today I was not thinking about that situation anymore nor if i am racist but then something happened. I was watching a video online and I said an extremely racist sentence in my head not out loud. When I realized what I had just thought I started to feel stressed, sad and angry and started to fear that I am racist again.
The thing is that I don’t want to be racist and understand that what I said wasn’t appropriate. I saw similar posts about racism OCD here but I feel like my OCD was not responsible for all of these things I said which makes me believe that I actually may be racist and it makes me really mad. | OCD |
I’m a 13 year old male. And POCD had wrecked my life, and changed my actions. it’s started since March 2021. When I was 12 and with a few days before being 13. I was making jokes about horny people and pedophiles. It made me think “What if I become a pedophile?” And “What if I started getting attracted to kids” After those intrusive thoughts I had for the first few hours. I thought these intrusive thoughts were just the thoughts that will just last for a very short time. But unfortunately, it turned into a major thing that took over my brain and made me stay away from some videos related to pedophiles during the first phase of intrusive thoughts. It lasted several weeks.
But this is where things went way downhill and to the lowest point of my life. See, I had a favorite show that you probably never knew about called “BFDI” In which I’ve watched ever since the beginning of 2020. And I’ve stumbled across an rule 34 nsfw art of one of my favorite characters from this show. I think I wasn’t aware of the consequences at the time. So then I masturbated to the art. And so this is where the pornography art addiction started. I went to deviant art and many other websites that promote disgusting stuff like this. I developed fetishes and desensitization overtime and kept masturbating on drawings like this. Making these POCD thoughts worse, I soon realize these things I’ve been doing is wrong and then I joined A subreddit called NoFap, I soon realize those thoughts I’ve had for a few months were POCD, I felt so much guilt and shame about it, and porn addiction just makes it drastically worse. I wanted to stop my porn addiction and my POCD thoughts, I stayed away from kids and tried not to look at them at any place. I tried to cut off porn addiction but always fell back to it due to the urges and it was hell. I kept searching and searching on subreddits to see if I was an actual pedophile. I was thinking of getting a therapist. I never wanted to look at CP and Loli when I found out about it. And groinal responses happen many times for me. But the thing is, I thought it would be fine to masturbate to nsfw art who were slightly older than me like 15 to 20. But then that made my guilt and intrusive thoughts even worse. It’s still illegal to jack off to disgusting shit like this, I’m a monster and an idiot, I needed to stay away from my friends and people younger than me. And I think I am my thoughts. It’s all my fault. I feel like I should be in jail and tortured. I feel like I am only asking things about pocd just to make me feel better. The only thing that can fix me is therapy. I really do need help on myself. | OCD |
It seems lately like the whole world is a tragic comedy play. And the writers and directors are snickering at the demise of their actors. I don't really have much to say or rant on except everything seems fake and the world seems too crazy to be real. Everything looks pointless to me. | depression |
Back in the spring I was in the dorms. Every time I was in my building on the way to my room my brain told me if I don’t go to the door fast enough and get inside a demon behind me will catch up and kill me before I get there. It just pops up and I get scared but I can’t get rid of the fear and feeling a demon will kill me before I get in my room...even though I know its irrational to think like it I cant get rid of it.... this is happened frequently only in the building.... | OCD |
Hey, so I’ve started using pre workout powder recently while working out because I tend to go pretty hard and have read from pretty much everyone that pre workout will give you a boost and help you dial in mentally.
So, my question is if anybody else uses pre workout, does it work for you? What am I supposed to feel?
I definitely feel the tingly sensation from the beta alanine. But what else am I supposed to feel?
I almost feel like the adhd meds either negate the pre workout or the effects are more potent than the pre workout so I simply don’t notice it?
I keep using it because it’s definitely not having I’ll intended effects, but I just can’t tell if it’s having positive effects. Haha. | ADHD |
UPDATE: she got back to me and apologized for letting things bottle up. She needs time now but wants to deal with it together when she's ready.
I hope this isn't too long or detailed. I've tried to break it up.
TLDR: My friend thinks I don't care about her feelings and said I didn't ask her enough questions and seemed bored by the things she said. That's not how I feel at all and it made me really confused, so I've been thinking over our interactions and how I saw the situation and how I behaved towards her. I thought she didn't want to talk to me about those things and I really thought I was respecting her boundaries.
Some context/background
I see people use the terms NT/and neurodivergent in different ways in different forums and different articles I'm not sure where I fit in. I have BPD that I've been through therapy to treat it and mostly manage okay. I strongly suspect I also have PTSD or CPTSD after a sexual assault and after developing more and more symptoms I'm seeking a diagnosis.
We have been friends for about 14 years, since 5th grade. (We're 24) She recently told me she suspects she has undiagnosed autism. I had no idea that was something she was dealing with.
What lead up to this
I could go back further, but basically my friend ghosted me for 3 months. I had no idea why. I reached out quite often asking "how are you?" and such. Starting probably with once a week to once every few weeks with no response.
A few weeks ago she finally messaged me and said she had been emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed but that it had nothing to do with me and she would like to catch up soon and asked me how I was. I told her that I had been really worried about her and that I wished she had just sent me a short message saying she needed space. I was taught in DBT that you have to clearly communicate your needs for them to be met, I didn't think she meant to hurt me but I had been worried for months. I told her how I was going. I assumed the conversation would continue and she'd tell me how she was going if she wanted to share. (She told me when she next messaged me that I clearly didn't care about how she was going and was too ready to scold her after reaching out. It was an oversight on my part, but I had also been asking her how she was going for months)
The confrontation
A couple weeks later I'd gotten no response from her, despite asking when she was free. Over the weekend I was drunk at a gig and I sent her a message that said something like "you should support me or at least not ignore me".
She messaged the next day very upset with me. She said that I came across as conversationally selfish, dominate conversations with my own issues, that I just used her for emotional validation, didn't see her as a complete person with her own needs and coping mechanisms, that I seemed disinterested in her life and feelings, that I don't ask enough questions and seemed bored when she tells me things. She said she's felt this way for the last couple of years and that this was a long time coming. She said she doesn't want to be friends if she has to be the person I want her to be.
I was really hurt and confused by this. It's not how I feel about her at all. I immediately profusely apologized, which she has so far ignored.
---
I've been thinking about how I managed to come across like this because it's not how I feel about her at all. The truth is that I always wanted to know more about what was going on in her life but I didn't think she wanted to tell me those things.
She wouldn't go into much detail about her personal life and wouldn't elaborate much. She seemed quieter or less confident or more hesitant than when we'd talk about other topics. I read it as her not wanting to get into it, that she was telling me as much as she wanted to. I would ask some questions, but I wanted to avoid prodding her or overstepping my bounds. I would ask a few things and I guess be a bit quiet and not overly eager, trying to give her the space to speak without putting pressure on her to tell me things she didn't want to. I really thought I was just being respectful.
I think a lot of other people I know are a lot more comfortable with talking about themselves and understand those moments as a space to talk, including other autistic friends of mine. My instinct if someone seems a bit quiet or hesitant to talk about themselves is not to ask a million leading personal questions. I'm not really sure how I could have intuited that's what someone wanted that from me.
Regardless of my intentions and how I read the situation, I can understand how she would feel unsupported. It really sucks to have come across as opposite to how I intended. I'll admit I feel kind of lied to after she told me nothing was wrong between us. I can understand how she saw those things as very insensitive after she was already frustrated with me, but I also didn't have all of that information. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not a horrible person and it's okay to be fallible.
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I have been writing up a draft trying to explain my perspective and I'm going to give her a week before I send it and then leave her alone. I am really sorry for how I've made her feel and I don't think I can do much else about it and I have no idea how it will go.
Do you think if I explain myself that there's a chance she might understand?
How would you want for it to be addressed if someone realised they had misunderstood you?
Is there anything else from her perspective you think I could be missing?
I hope I can at least learn from this, but aside from understanding her better I'm not sure what to take from it. I would love to hear any other thoughts from people, I feel so horrible for making her feel this way. | aspergers |
Does anybody else find themselves, even after 7-8 hours of sleep, falling asleep within 4 hours of waking up? I struggle to stay awake during the day every single day, and I genuinely feel like can just sleep whenever and wherever. I’m in university, and reasonably often i do just go back to my room in the middle of the day and fall asleep and miss part of the day as well. It’s really scary, anyone have any tips as to how to increase your energy or feel less like this. I’ve been dealing intrusive thoughts constantly recently, much worse than it has been for me before, which may be contributing to it but I don’t really know how.
Thanks guys, this community really reassures me that I’m not alone and I’m that I’m still me despite this condition.
Hope you’re all doing well! | OCD |
I just started Vyvanse (only 20mg) and haven’t noticed anything yet as far as I can tell. I told to wait up to two weeks for effects to take place which is fine considering SSRIs is like 6 weeks.
It made me wonder something though: do those without ADHD get fast effects from lower doses almost immediately? I’ve never used anything (or know anyone who has) recreationally so I have no knowledge or frame of reference.
Edit to clarify: Do people without ADHD still get low dosage effects compared to those with ADHD. | ADHD |
I suffer w depression, anxiety and ptsd. I have recently been hospitalized involuntarily for my ptsd. This was good for me because the hospital is a respectable one n that means a good referral after. Well I have since downslided and self harmed and have had many anxiety attacks, daily. I went to the referral appt w hope and they told me their plan was to increase my antidepressant. But that was it. I explained this is affecting my way of life now if I have to wait 4-8 weeks to feel different I may not have a job. They refused to give anything for anxiety because I came off as a drug addict. I'm lost. I called bak asking to speak with another therapist and they gave me the boot. I can go elsewhere if I'm not gonna go with the planned med management. So here I am
. Crying in my car on my lunch break ,shaking in panic, eye twitching from desperation and ....lost. | ptsd |
Hello! New to this sub. I was diagnosed as an adult about 10 years ago. I’m considering getting back on meds and the waters in Phoenix, AZ are muddy. The ADD “clinics” are private out of network and have terrible reviews. The psychiatrists are focused on mental health. I’m not against therapy and honestly believe that therapy is wonderful. but I don’t need a therapist for ADD meds . They are two separate things. My fam doc can’t prescribe meds for mental health. Guess I’m just frustrated because I feel like It’s a physiological problem. So my question is who prescribes your meds? And if anyone in Phx can recommend a resource I would really appreciate it.
Edit: I’m asking what type of Dr. prescribes your add meds. Not your specific Dr. unless you have a good resource for Phx, in which case please send me a private message. | ADHD |
I have C-PTSD from a plethora of childhood abuse events and other trauma. I moved out at 18, went to a completely different state across the country. I restarted my life and I am in a good place. But the safer I got here, more of my ptsd began to show. After living here 2 years, I finally began to trust my family doctor enough to get some help and try medication.
However the medication that my pcp prescribed wasn’t enough for the massive amount of trauma I have been through. My pcp recommended a psychiatrist and a EMDR/Trauma therapist who are both excellent. I started EMDR and new meds. I have had even worse symptoms from the therapy and new medications. My sleep over the last two weeks kept getting less and less until I didn’t sleep for three days. I started hallucinating about trauma I have been through. It was the definition of hell.
I talked to both my therapist and psychiatrist. My therapist has paused EMDR therapy and we are doing regular talk therapy. My psychiatrist has changed/increased my medications. My psychiatrist is working on getting my medications right so I won’t have these episodes. I am meeting with both of them weekly to talk about. I think we are on the right path but it takes time. I’m patient about that. My psychiatrist is trying so hard to find a good mixture on strength of medication. We’ve even used genetic testing and it’s been helpful. Because of the genetic testing, I told my sister about it. She’s still living with my abusive dad who believes that psychology is a fake science. But her OCD has gotten so bad, that my mom begged her to go and see someone. We all have kept it a secret from my dad. I sent my sister my genetic testing and what medications I am currently on for my sisters psychiatrist.
Well my sisters psychiatrist told her that my Quetiapine, which is used for emergency insomnia moments, is like an opiate. Since we live in a hot spot for the heroin epidemic, my sister was freaking out and talked to my mom about what her psychiatrist told her. They both called to confront me last night about it and asked if I could substitute all my sleeping medications for melatonin.
I told them that after sleeping only 2-3 hours for two weeks and then followed by three days of no sleep, I think I am passed the point of what melatonin can do. Plus, it was my understanding that Quetiapine is an antipsychotic which is probably beneficial since I hallucinate in my lack of sleep episodes and those hallucinations are always events from my trauma. This most recent episode I was water boarded, shot, and assaulted all over again. It was emotionally exhausting.
I don’t know what to do about my mom and sister’s concerns. My mom won’t talk about my ptsd events if it involved what happened in my family. But she’s fine talking about abuse she feels my dad and her had no part in. I am extremely vulnerable right now and really upset. I don’t know why I care so much about their opinions. But I feel trapped. I want to get help but I want to be a loyal family member. | ptsd |
Worst year yet for me... 8 months ago I lost my job, a relationship, and a house all... all that happened during my birthday.
8 months I just slept things off... living off of cigs at times I decide to get out of bed... eating just enough so my body doesn't eat itself.
fast forward to now... went home to my mom's place... saw that they're doing a bit better compared to my state... thankfully I also found a new job.. permanent work from home and the pay is decent. Things got quiet in my head for a bit... at least finding a bit of strength to find my interests again...
I should be happy right?
Thing is.. I don't feel that way at all...
Whenever I try to create something again (I write/play songs as a hobby before... drawing too..) ... I can't come up with something... I know the logic behind things when being creative is that... you are trying to tell a story... I just don't think I have "good stories" to tell...
I also try my hand at a few things that are new to me ... financial stability/ being outside and traveling/ business / trying to talk to fucking people again (shit I didn't do for the past 8 months) ...
I should be happy right?
Honestly... I don't know anymore... I don't know what I want... | depression |
Shamefully admitting I haven’t brushed my teeth regularly in weeks. Only when I’m going out for something special/important. Other than that, I work from home and struggle to care for basic hygiene.
I’ve finally gotten showering better. Still not perfect, but miles better.
Then my skincare routine became a ritual. I’ve gotten that nailed down too!
Now for brushing teeth…
I bought one of those u-shaped “toothbrushes.” Like, the AutoBrush; just not that specific brand.
And ho-ly cow. I think this thing is going to save my teeth. I have periodontitis and even though I know that, I still don’t care for my teeth.
With this I can pop it in my mouth, wiggle it a little bit for some “brushing” and then let it vibrate while I multitask on something else. Today I did it while I showered!
This isn’t going to completely replace teeth brushing for me, but I think if I can at least get into the habit of using this, I can work toward using my actual sonicare toothbrush.
Cheers! | ADHD |
Hello! I've been officially diagnosed for a good 6 years now. Mostly I can manage my thoughts and compulsions, but there's one that's stuck for a while I can't get rid of- fear of smells.
Every time I smell something industrial, funky (gasoline, bleach, old clothes e.t.c.), I just get this overwhelming fear of brain damage, which ends up in a shitty physical feeling and a bad mood.
So, is there any advice on how to get this under control? I logically can't huff gas til i stop being scared, but is there a good way to deal with that feeling?
Thanks | OCD |
Every time I start to improve, I end up right back at square one! It ALWAYS happens! I'm starting to think that I'm utterly hopeless! | OCD |
I'm currently struggling with hocd
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/npmin8) | OCD |
Does anyone else have the problem where no one talks to them? I’m in college and I feel like everyone is buddied up with someone else whereas I feel like I must’ve done something wrong because people look at me strangely and never say anything. This has been the case for so long except with COVID I forgot about it but now it’s coming back to make me depressed all over again. | aspergers |
I am in my 30's and grew up with consistent childhood abuse. I have been seeing my current therapist for over 3 years and I long for her to be my mother. She is everything I didn't have in my mother growing up. I crave for her to care about me and love me like her own daughter. For her to think I am important, special, significant, and meaningful to her. I want her to "rescue me" in other words and just really love and care about me. I doubt her love and care for me and I am looking for her to love and care about me deeper than the therapeutic relationship. I want this therapist to really care about me and be there for me. I live in a one bedroom apartment with my cats and fishes. I do not have family that are caring towards me nor friends who care. I am alone. | ptsd |
I gave up on being a pharmacy tech. I want to try again later but I'm so ashamed of losing. I enrolled late in the summer and I didn't get my books nor my uniform in till week 2. After that, I just felt uncomfortable in my own body. I'm fit and I'm always getting complements but my self esteem is just so low that the slightest glare can set me low. I was always so aware of my body. how loud my breathing was, the bodily noises, gosh I would literally die if I accidentally farted. It doesn't help that I was sitting next to someone pretty (｡ŏ﹏ŏ).
Anyways I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling with this. But I have to face my family today about dropping out. I'm working a part time Job as a waggie so I at least have some income.
I'm really contemplating going back into the military. I went to boot camp once but was entry level discharged due to my CMRs.
If I can't get in the military again I'll just get on medication and see how I do.
Do I just have depression? I mean I'm living in constant failure. I've never graduated from anything except for my GED ceremony. I've only ever had one relationship and it failed because I'm a quiet and shy guy. I'm too scared to go to college because honestly with my executive function problems... I'd probably get myself into mountains of debt and go to prison for not being able to find a Job and pay everything back. Idk. Idk if that's how executive function problems work. All I know is that having intuition and skills and managing things are a foreign thing to me. I'm trying so hard to find a foot hold in life but idk where to go. | ADHD |
Hey there fellow dopamine seekers. I have been taking 10mgs of Adderall XR (the generic) for about a month. I definitely feel like it helps compared to the strattera that I had tried before but the benefits I'm getting are very subtle. I know meds aren't a cure and that they won't get rid of all of the difficulties of ADHD but I feel like the benefits could be better. From what I've read 10mgs is a low dose and that is pretty standard for doctors to up the dosage. Im not asking for a huge increase or anything just something. My concern is that I end up getting seen as someone seeking a high or something. My doctor has been very responsive and cooperative with me so far I'm just nervous about asking about trying a higher dose. It sucks if it were cholesterol medicine and the doctors saw it wasn't doing enough they would increase the dosage with it question but I feel like this is so much harder to navigate. My follow up is on Monday so I'm trying to figure out how to express my thoughts about all of this to him over the phone. Any advice or support is appreciated. I'm a mental health professional and that doesn't make this any easier. | ADHD |
Does anyone else feel this way? Like the only thing you look forward to is being asleep again so you don’t have to deal with your existence? Like just watching the clock, waiting for it to be time to sleep again? | depression |
My boyfriend dumped me almost 3 years ago, and at that time I didn't know I had ADHD even though I had all the symptoms. After the breakup it just got really worse and now I've somehow managed to get a little bit of self worth back, but since then I lost a couple of friends too. I recently came across his profile and he's got into a prestigious university and doing what he loves, and a girlfriend too. Instead of being happy for him, I felt deep envy and I didn't like that. I couldn't help but compare myself to him. A neurotypical who didn't have family issues, flourished well, while I'm starting from scratch and have just decided to follow my dreams, but I'm struggling everyday due to ADHD with a family that's insane. This made me compare myself to all the lost friends who are doing really well without me, and a part of me makes me wonder if it's me who holds them back, or will they ever care if I get better, etc. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but distracting myself doesn't solve it and I need to face these feelings. I just feel left behind and while others are doing better, I'm struggling in a million ways and unable to stop with the self pity. | ADHD |
I mean, this has always been an issue. Growing up, I remember sometimes when I’m in a new class, I’d “observe the humans” and find a “friend candidate” - someone that looks cool or like we’d get along. It’s kind of like a friend crush?
But I never knew how to actually befriend them. And the rare times (twice) I somehow ended up friends with the “candidates”, one told me at first they thought I looked grumpy and unfriendly, another told me that they first thought I looked really creepy.
I’m in university now and this hasn’t changed much. The most recent one that’s been really bothering me was this girl from a group project we had to do. (I was the last one leftover in the whole class, and this group took me) She seems nice, and so do the others in the group, honestly. I’d really want to be friends with them or at least be acquaintances since we’re in the same program and all.
I think during class I acted alright? Kinda quiet but still hopefully not too weird. However, after class, I saw this girl at the bus stop. I said hi. She said “oh, hi!” And I didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t say anything else. I didn’t say anything else. We stood there awkwardly waiting for the bus. We got on the bus, sat closely together on the bus, and didn’t say a single thing to each other. When I got off, I tried to say “bye”, but she was looking at her screen and didn’t see me.
I feel so self-conscious now. I can’t help but to speculate that she probably thought I was strange, grumpy, creepy, unfriendly, and extremely awkward, like those people in the past did. Can I still make up for it??? I feel so sad.
I need a group for the final assignment too, and the prof is letting everyone choose their own groups. I really hope I can stay with them. Honestly I have no idea how everyone else already has a group of friends! It’s like the NTs have a secret underground club or something.
I mean I should probably try my best at this thing called a small talk. At the same time, I think it’d be comforting to hear that I’m not alone in this… and that it’s OK even if people mistook me as odd and grumpy. I know all this but it’d be nice to get some reassurance or advice, I guess. | aspergers |
It's like this ever lasting feeling of like, discontent, and I don't know why. And I don't know if it's caused by my depression but I just have this feeling and I don't know what to do with it, y'know?
Am I the only one? | depression |
I am frequently accused of being "defensive."
Does anyone have any tips for something I can "set in my head" so I can recognize responses that others will read as "defensive" before I open my mouth and say them?
It usually just feels like I'm explaining the reasons or causes behind something the other person has observed or criticized. I'm never quite sure what other response I can have.
And why do I have the feeling that the above paragraph was itself "defensive"? How does one break out of this trap? | aspergers |
I'm looking for advice
I had to find a babysitter to go see a counselor so I was getting help from my mom. I think she has issues too and I was telling her how helpful counseling was. She told me "I don't need a counselor, I have friends."
I eventually stopped seeing the counselor who also said something I didn't like (she had obsessions and said something along the lines of but I didn't let it get so bad).
Anyway I am just really jaded from counseling but I know it could help. Anyone else have better experiences to talk me through it? | OCD |
I think that I have ADHD. I have all the symptoms.
Unfortunately, physicians and people around me don't take me seriously because I was able to finish Medical School, and normally I shouldn't be able to with this diagnosis.
I am kinda dummed, both because of this, and because I am starting to wonder if I am just exagerating and they are right... | ADHD |
Was prescribed antibiotics (amoxicillin) for my throat, and not sure if there are any potential interactions between Concerta 27mg and Amoxicillin 500mg. I need to take amoxicillin 3 times a day, and Concerta once.
Couldn’t find anything online, but I tend to be very cautious, so any input would def help!!! | ADHD |
So I'm about to start medication after meeting with my NP for the first time. And he said something that really surprised me.
First, the backstory.
I suspected I had ADHD after graduating college. After reading through this subreddit, I resonated with your stories of hyperfocus, inability to concentrate, difficulty starting tasks, emotional dysregulation, and thoughts going 100mph in my head everyday.
I did not know that this was not normal. So, it felt amazing, being understood while reading through your posts and comments. I immediately scheduled an appointment with an NP.
Sidenote- *I should also note that I took 5 mg of Adderall to see how I would feel. And oh boy.. I almost
cried. My mind felt so clear as thoughts were sequential instead of scattered. I was able to do laundry with ease. I moved on from task to task like never before. I didn't feel high. I just felt normal*
Now, to the appointment.
It was quick and after a few screenings, my NP diagnosed?(*didn't feel like a true diagnosis as the questions he asked were just so standard and he didn't really ask for specifics*) me with mild anxiety, mild depression, and ADHD.
Either way, the depression diagnosis surprised me.
I didn't really think I was depressed before this, as I would say I don't generally feel too down. But the last two weeks have been tougher than normal due to a drastic family change at home. And I don't feel emotions deeply, which is a symptom of ADHD and maybe depression? I do feel mild anxiety in social situations as I always second guess myself before speaking out.
Anyways,
the NP said I have ADHD and also said that in California, they don't prescribe stimulants first. Apparently, they must put me on non-stimulants first (Straterra, then if it doesn't work, Wellbutrin, then stimulants). I was wondering if this is normal/true? I haven't heard the best things about Straterra, so I'm a little worried about getting on this medication.
**How was your experience getting medicated?** I have been hearing good stories, but I am quite anxious on this next step. I appreciate you reading this post :) | ADHD |
You know the image of the devil and angel versions of yourself on your shoulders? OCD sometimes feels like being stuck in a room with the devil version with no exit. I don’t want to be in this room | OCD |
Hi everyone. I’ve been at my absolute wits end the past few weeks, and I think I’m starting to lose myself.
I feel so incredibly lonely, but when I go out, I end up feeling even worse because I’m the only one who’s walking around by myself. When I get time off from work, all I do is just sit and wait until it’s time for me to go back.
The past month, I was on night shift, so I could be asleep during the day and ignore the rest of society and feel less shitty, but next month is day shift, so on my off days, I will have to find something to occupy my time.
Everyone else seems to have fulfilling lives, with family and friends, but I don’t have family that I want to talk to, and I’ve never really had friends in my life.
I don’t think life is really worth living. Just going through the motions of the same shit everyday, and the monotony is really wearing on me.
I’m so tired of being alone, and so sick of myself pushing others away because I can’t trust them.
I really wish there was a way for me to just be put in hibernation mode until my next day at work. I find myself to be a nervous wreck outside of it, who can barely take care of himself.
Is there anything I can do with my life to feel less like an automaton whose only purpose is to work? | depression |
So I will be as brief as I possibly can with this post, hopefully it helps some one out there.
A few weeks ago some one brought this to my attention, a thing called Microbes....
It's a gut bacteria, and plays a huge roll in our body, such as our mood... I decided to take some time to look into this microbes bacteria, and after listening to many lectures and reading lots of papers written, I have found this information.
About 50% of dopamine is produced in gastrointestinal tract by enteric neurons and intestinal epithelial cells...
Gut bacteria also produce hundreds of neurochemicals that the brain uses to regulate basic physiological process as well as mental processes such as learning, memory, and mood. For example, gut bacteria manufactures about 95% or more of the bodies serotonin, which influences both mood and GI Activity.
I remember a few weeks ago, I shared my own story with how I felt and wondered if it was depression, though I claimed it wasn't mental... like I didn't feel sad or gloomy all the time, I just felt extremely drained, nothing felt good. I felt a complete empty feeling in my stomach area, and it really felt horrible. Nothing I did would change the feeling, not smoking, drinking, "NSFW stuff", eating, talking, playing games, and ect... Nothing changed how I felt, which made me think I wasn't getting any dopamine from anything, so maybe there is something physically wrong with my receptors?
Quick note, I say nothing helped but I just remembered that some things did, well one thing to be exact... Spices!!! Eating random spices gave me dopamine, I am sure I looked weird doing this but it worded for me.
The interesting thing is, microbe research was limited due to science and tools to study it, till around 2002-2003. After that the amount of research sky rocketed and is still continuing to rise. So this could explain the lack of knowledge surrounding such a issue.
Another important find was the connection between microbes and Autism, though I don't have much to cover on this, but there is some breakthrough with connections in this area worth checking into.
I got a lot of hate when ever I described how I felt and gave a guess to the problem being depression, maybe cause I said it wasn't a mental situation? I don't know but it really got me upset seeing all the hate about a condition which I shared about, one that I struggled with. I guess that is how the internet world works though.
So in closing, if your feeling depressed, and nothing seems to feel good anymore, check this out and see if you can't find a fix for your problem. | aspergers |
Is there any diet to improve ocd symptoms ?
Is a ocd person at higher risk for some nutriments deficiency ? | OCD |
Just spent 1K on suits instead of writing my law school admissions essays over break. My brain was convinced we need suits for our future law career… and not the admissions essays.
Thank god I called my mom this morning to ask which $700 apple watch I need to match my non-existent jewelry that I ‘need’ because a few people on the internet said it helped their ADHD.
Why am i like this. | ADHD |
I want to forget my thoughts about the theme, the images. I know I won't forget the theme entirely, but I just wish I could forget. I wish I could forget certain situations. I wish I could just induce some sort of selective amnesia. I wish it was possible | OCD |
i’ve been speaking with a counselor for a few weeks, we’ve gone over lists of obsessions and compulsions and checked off what i relate to. i tend to have aggressive intrusive thoughts and i compulsively count a lot of things, she seems sure that it’s ocd and we plan on learning how to cope in the future.
thing is she isn’t in a position to diagnose, and i don’t know when i’ll be able to get a proper diagnosis. but hearing people talk about ocd and being able to relate is so cathartic, and being told i could have it almost feels freeing in a way. it’s not just a me thing, and i’m not alone in my experiences. the fact that there’s tons of people who have the same experiences as i do is a relief
but if i don’t have a proper diagnosis, is it wrong to say that i have ocd? | OCD |
Since I started my medication, I have the drive and capability and energy to entertain my hobbies and interests. Finally! However, the issue lies in the fact that I don’t have any interests right now! So I just aimlessly look around for something to do, desperately wanting to find something participate in but nothing sounds interesting. I’m finding free time to be a bit of a struggle just because I really want to engage in something, yet am somehow unusually disinterested in anything readily available. I guess my question is, what do you do when there’s nothing to do? | ADHD |
Almost a month ago, I was walking and saw a man for about 1 second. Then, I started looking elsewhere and probably a building was hiding him from my point of view. When I went neare, (it took me about 15 seconds) I could not see the man. I was expecting to see him because it looked to me as if he was standing
I started worrying that he may have vanished because of a glitch in the simulation system (if im case we are in one). For about 5-15 minutes, I was trying to find ways or buildings he may have gone to. I wanted so much to find where he went in order to calm down. Before leaving, I decided to take 2 (i think) photos of the place in order to show the place to 2 friends and together find where he may have turned or what buiding he may have gone to.
If my ocd was not triggered, I probably would not have taken photos. I just wanted an explanation in order to calm down. Before taking the photos, I started having intrusive thoughts about a punishment from Gods of the system for taking photos. I think here was not any glitch in the place and I was not planning to capture any. I just wanted the place in my photos in order to find an explanation.
I deleted those photos some time later, without showing them because I started worrying. Even though, I found some possible ways and buildings that the man may have gone to, I still worry.
After some days, some coincidences started happening and I am worrying that they may be bad signs from Gods or the programers.
For example:
- 1) I was thinking that I may read some specific phrases of excitement in the comments section of a non-related topic. I remembered reading them in an older topic. So, I assumed that I may read them in the newer one too. Indeed, someone had written one of the phrases that I assumed I may read. Due to this small coincidence-guess (even though it was kinda expected), I got a worrying thought that a bigger coincidence may happen. Many times in the past, when small coincidences were happening, I automatically was worrying that a bigger one may happen and that it may be related to my ocd worry as a possible bad sign. So, I worried that if I check the username or the signature of the one who wrote the guessed phrase, I may see a word related to simulation. Kinda like "we live in a simulation" or "matrix" or "Neo". I checked the username and there was no relation. I scrolled down a few comments and someone else had posted a link of a game that had the word "simulator" in its title. I think one of the next days, I asked the one who posted the link why he posted it. He told me that he wanted to make fun of the people who get excited.
- 2) 2 more small coincidences happened related to the 1) coincidence. No need to say what. I was thinking about the newer coincidence a lot. Like an obsession. I was thinking about it while clicking on a random second of a youtube video that I had opened. I was thinking about the coincidence and about 5-10 seconds after the click, there was a quote saying "thats not a good sign"
- 3) Ι was in my bed with my eyes closed and thinking about my ocd worry and non-related stuff also. I started feeling tired and I started losing control of my thoughts but I did not fell asleep. Suddenly, I cant remember what I was thinking but I ended up thinking a phrase that can be transalated as "oh go to devil". About 1 second later, I probably heard my brother saying that phrase from his room, while playing an online game. I did not hear his words clearly but the melody sounded as if he was saying "oh go to devil". What if I was thinking about signs or my ocd worry when these synchronicity happened? (if my brother said that phrase)
- 4) I was thinking about that coincidence-phrase "oh go to devil" and I kinda was replaying it in my mind. In one of the repetitions, I randomly heard a woman outside (she was talking to an other woman) saying something that sounded like "devil" I did not heard her clearly but in my language the melody of her words sounded like the word "devil | OCD |
I don’t know if this is something that anyone here can relate to, but I’m terrified that I am one day going to snap and do something terrible, not because I want to hurt anyone or anything.
A little bit of background, I spent 6 years in the army and 7 years as a medic fire fighter in a very low income urban area. I am fairly early in my treatment, I am still learning my triggers. Today at the grocery store I became triggered by multiple people bumping into me, shoulder checking etc, the way people do in overcrowded situations. As I was selecting produce a man pushed his shopping cart against my leg and began to apply pressure in an attempt to get me to move, I pushed his cart onto its side and screamed that if he came any closer to me I would kill him. I’m ashamed. I feel like I live in a world where I’m terrified of everything, but ultimately I’m terrified of myself and what might happen when I disassociate. I just want to be normal. | ptsd |
For everyone, mentally and physically
Please help me my mental health services are garbage
I have a new counselor and we were supposed to do a phone session Friday but I guess she forgot because she never called
I can't even get a response from my fuckin counselor lmao | ptsd |
i am 16 almost 17, I’ve had my permit forever but because of COVID I just never took the behind the wheel sessions to get my license, I’ve gotten good at driving but My driving test is coming up and suddenly I’ve developed this tick (that’s what me and my family call ocd impulses idk if there’s a better word for it) that I have a constant urge to swerve the car, not like violently and make the car flip but just back and forth, it’s only like a few and I have gotten it under control to the point that it’s only on the free way. Can anyone help me find a way I can control this or transfer it to another tick. It’s not safe and I am afraid one day I might accidentally hurt someone I love doing this stupid tick despite my parents saying it’s okay i just need to get it under control. Other than that I just feel like I’m sabatogeing myself so close to getting my license. | OCD |
I’m slightly on the spectrum, not enough for most to notice exactly what it is but enough for people to go ‘yeah he’s.. definitely different.’ Lol
I’ve found another aspie via tinder and some really cool ppl on Taimi, but man, we really need our own dating app lol | aspergers |
Idk but I’m 19 and every 19 year old I have met was more mature and experienced in life than I was even the immature normal 19 years olds were more mature than me. Like I still feel like a teenager and I haven’t gone to college yet, I graduated HS a year ago which seems like the only thing I really accomplished so far in life? Does anyone else feel this way or is it just me talking to myself? My dad has even pointed out that I’m not mature for my age and that my 14 year old sister is more mature compared to me. | aspergers |
I'm sure I'm not alone on this when I say that it seems extremely painful to make friends with others. It seems I'm either too annoying to everyone I meet or just not interesting enough for them. Yes, I have tried groups with similar interests and hobbies, but even then I feel absent in their presence. | aspergers |
I started feel fear since I was a little child. I felt fear of others kids, I felt fears I will be judged, I felt fear when I was alone in the house. I felt fear most of the time. The fear was very intense.
Is it normal for us to feel fear like this? Or is it just me? | depression |
I grew up usually never crying, or at least minimally. I never cried unless I was alone. But if I was in front of people crying, I was in either a ton of physical pain, emotional pain that I couldn’t keep a straight face through, or I trusted you enough to cry in front of you (I grew up with major trust issues I still battle but thats a different thing). It is about 6am where I am as I post this. I woke up from a dream at 5:30ish only to have ‘unalive’ cross my mind (those thoughts usually come and go, and this one did). I grew up with suicidal ideation but it never got bad to where I had it be first thing I thought of when waking up. I then proceeded to cry for 30 minutes about how, thanks to my traumatizers, i only have a piece of who I really am in touch.. ive lost everything else because the fear mixed with my bipolar disorder stole those other pieces like the happy I used to feel and the smile everyone loved, and it scares me to think I’m slipping back into being the jerk I was in middle school (Id normally be a college freshman rn) | ptsd |
First, I should warn you that it is currently very late and I may not be super coherent. But I was reading stuff online when I thought of this and now I can’t un-think it.
With a few rules, I like touching people. I have found myself wanting to touch someone on multiple occasions. Usually that’s not an option and I touch an inanimate object or myself(which I do about thirty times a day). The only people I actually touch these days are family members. That’s partly because of COVID and partly because I’m afraid of violating some social boundary.
The thing is that I’m autistic and autistic people aren’t supposed to have that problem. We’re supposed to be defensive about touch. I know that sounds kind of stupid, but it’s the best way I can describe it. Besides, even non-autistic people seem fine with not touching people. Which means that I’m an exception *and* a minority. | aspergers |
I've been diagnosed for about a decade and have had my fair share dealing with it, but one thing I've always had differently from a lot of the "usual" (I know it can be wildly different for people, but people always seem a lot more surprised when I tell them) ADHD stereotypes is that I'm quite a hefty guy.
Lately, I've been dieting and trying to get back into exercise, but I'm finding it really hard to see the long-term and feeling good about what I'm investing in. I've been going for about 2 months and have lost almost 8kgs (awesome I know!), and even though I know that that is a HUGE amount of progress and even on the precipice of being unsafe, I am constantly feeling bad about how sluggish and boring and slow it is. I KNOW that there's a future aspect involved and that it IS what I want and need. I'm just having a hard time feeling that larger picture and being proud of what I've done and am GOING to do.
Anybody have any insight as to how to better see that big picture, and really feel it? Thanks in advanced. | ADHD |
Sorry for the long post, tl;dr on the bottom.
So, tomorrow completed my first week with adderall. I went to the psych a week ago, at first he didn’t think I had ADHD because for the first part of the conversation with him, I could hold good eye contact. But, the second half, my eyes were fidgeting and leg was restless and I told him about how I can’t focus, jump from task to task, killed a few sourdough starters, etc. He seemed to think it was stress not being managed well, so I should do workouts and meditation, but I told him that I do and try, but I lose interest very quickly and just want it to end.
So, he said it may be ADHD, prescribed me 20mg of Adderall to be taken half in the morning and half in the afternoon.
Now, to how it’s made me feel. Once I take it in the morning, wow it’s like going from a 1000 buzzing bees in my head, to half, my thoughts are much clearer. Regarding focus, I can focus much better, do tasks much better, but nothing like hyper focus. I get the urge to do something else while I’m doing my task, but it is a little bit easier to manage the urge. But, often times I give into the urge, but much lesser than before.
When I start coming off it, I start feeling it about 4 hours after I’ve taken the half pill. I start grinding my teeth more and start getting a little more depressed. Leg starts being restless again, and focus is out of the window.
I was wondering, has anyone felt similar on Adderall? Why can’t I go into hyper focus mode? Why do I still have many errant thoughts and get distracted easily, although less than before? Do I even have ADHD? Is the Adderall even working? Do I need a higher dose? Any suggestions?
TL;DR: on Adderall, don’t feel hyper focused like I read on here, coming down is tough. | ADHD |
Any people high functioning on the spectrum here have any experience or know if it’s possible to have Aspergers and to also be a covert narcissist if you were raised by a narcissist parent?
I imagine that’s like trying to force the wrong ends of the magnets together.. it just doesn’t work. And in the end, only one can win right? Does it depend on the situation? And from what I’ve read, it sounds as though the tactics the narcissist uses to get his/her way would absolutely make the Aspergers side of the person cringe Inward so completely. Thoughts??
Context: I’m asking because I broke up with a close friend about 3 months ago. He’s high functioning on the spectrum but I found out he’s been lying to me. He admitted, wanted me to be okay with it, then blamed me for not verifying the truth then told me yes, he would continue to hurt me emotionally in the future (when I asked him if I needed to be concerned about that.)
Edit: after 3 months of hindsight, I can see all the red flags but I still miss the good times we had. I always hear narcissist don’t miss people the way we do. They just miss their supply of convenience or whatever we were to them. But if was also an aspie, I wonder if part of him genuinely misses me as much as I miss him. And I wonder and feel a bit like a monster for having to cut our friendship off because his narcissist side was too dominant and so his aspie side has to suffer those consequences. I just really miss my friend and wish our friendship could have a happy ending. He refuses to talk to me though.😣 | aspergers |
Hey everyone,
I guess I'm posting here because I'm a bit confused. I will write an abbreviated version of my story, but I want to preface this by saying that I mean no disrespect to people suffering from schizophrenia. I cannot seem to control what I am afraid of, and I think a substantial portion of my fear of this illness is actually due to misrepresentations of it in various forms of media. I have never met a schizophrenic person in my life, so please assume that anything potentially offensive is due to genuine ignorance rather than malice.
I have always had health anxiety, it has existed at varying levels throughout my life, ranging from very mild to nearly debilitating. Just as this level of intensity has varied, so have the diseases upon which I fixate. The common theme, however, is that I tend to fear diseases of the brain. These fears tend to be reinforced by cognitive symptoms that I perceive, e.g. derealization, general absent-mindedness, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, etc. The anxiety is usually precipitated by some combination of such symptoms, and then the resulting hypervigilance makes them worse and worse, in a feedback loop that I find very hard to break.
Things have been hard for me over the past 3 weeks. After \~4 years of very little, if any, health anxiety, things came back full force 3 weeks ago. I won't bore the reader with the details, I'll just say that this return was completely unexpected and resulted in my (voluntary) admission to a psychiatric unit for a couple of days.
For the majority of this time, my primary fear has been schizophrenia. I don't have any of the so-called 'positive' symptoms of this illness. In fact, I can't really name a symptom that I perceive that is exclusively related to this disease, yet somehow "developing schizophrenia" is a notion that I seem to have latched onto. Multiple psychiatrists have dismissed my concerns about this for various reasons, but that hasn't helped.
So, why post here? Well, I've made my concerns clear to a few psychiatrists, and I've also discussed this with a few other people, both on Reddit and in person. The possibility of OCD has been raised multiple times now in these discussions, and I can honestly say that OCD is not something I had ever considered. My mental picture of OCD has always been one of compulsive hand-washing, rearrangement of the refrigerator, etc. I apologize if this is wrong, but I really don't know much about the disorder. Given this (perhaps flawed) mental caricature, I never considered this to be a potential diagnosis. My question is this: are there people here who suffer from OCD such that the illness primarily manifests as health anxiety similar to the description I've given? I am NOT asking for a diagnosis, I'm more asking for experiences. | OCD |
like i can’t function without talking to them and i can’t help it i just want to kill myself this is so overwhelming i’m such a jealous and obsessive person and i can’t deal with myself and my thoughts. this is too much. | OCD |
like i understand how can ERP work for other themes but my real event OCD is something that literally happened, i have no doubts that shit occured, it feels like being stuck in a room with no doors or Windows to breath, just me obsessing over and over and over and over and over the same exact event, people be like " just stop thinking about it" like bitch do u think i enjoy this and doing it intentionally ? | OCD |
Long story short, I was recently diagnosed with ptsd because my Ndad was and is abusive. My brother cant seem to understand that I'm a fragile person mentally (he knows I have autism, not about my ptsd) but cant respect me.
Lately he has been taking his anger out on me. First in a phonecall with my mom where I said I wanted to see him for the holidays since we were many states away (my very broke mom offered to buy him a ticket). He got mad at me and said I really care about dad, huh? When all I said was that my father is a grown man who would be fine on christmas and wouldn't actually be alone on xmas.
Then today my mom was asking him to clean the dishes he left in the kitchen, which he left a mess when he doesnt even really live here. I said why not tonight and he got upset about how when he came home it was a mess, but it was my mom's mess.
We got into a fight and I called him a fucking bastard as I tried to go escape to my room. He is tall and I got stuck between the couch and him, and he called me a fucking bitch. I was scared and slapped him, not really that hard but enough. I got into my room and began hyperventilating and fun stuff.
I feel like what I did was wrong, but I'm not going to apologize. I was scared.
I was hoping that since he met with a therapist once he would try to start doing better. But I feel like he has too many traits of my Ndad and i am so scared. | ptsd |
Well my OCD has been pretty in check for a while however I recently reunited with my ex and have found that my anxiety around this has triggered a new fun obsession that while we were apart he has gotten someone pregnant and we just haven't found out about it yet. Which is of course making me extremely fearful of getting close, being vulnerable and also making me want to seek reassurance (which I have not done and don't plan on doing). In my rational mind, I know that this is absolutely "end of the world/ worst case scenario" and I still can't help but keep thinking "what if". Classic and yet I still can't shake it off, no matter how much I know this is my OCD at work :( | OCD |
A short time ago I had a terrible experience with a colleague. I was on a spiel about unsentimental logic, basically working my way up to the big reveal, when she came bursting in, screaming like a banshee, yelling at me and not allowing me to speak save to answer her own questions in "yes" or "no". When I tried asserting myself, she then yelled at me for interrupting her, conveniently forgetting that she did much the same not one minute earlier. I ended up having a meltdown in front of the one colleague I trusted, just bursting into tears.
I got reprimanded by the Principal Investigator, never being asked for my side of the story as though it didn't matter. I've had bad interactions with this person before, like when I had to undergo training under her and we had difficulty scheduling it. I emailed her about a block of time that wasn't discussed, thinking it was an opportunity, and her response began with "wow I guess you really need everything spelled out for you". I can understand a slip of the tongue, but the fingers?
First question: is this a case of trauma? Based on preliminary research, it would seem so. I'm nervous around them and I mistrust them, especially her. I have a hard time recalling the incident in detail, even though I'm trying my best to be impartial and objective. I'm fixating on this incident, lost energy in my usual pursuits, and I've had recurrent thoughts of guilt, shame, low self-worth, and even suicide.
Second question: what do I do? I can't tell them that I was traumatized because I doubt they would take me seriously. They KNOW I'm on the Spectrum, but they seem to believe that I don't struggle at all, save for the one colleague that I melted down in front of. I feel like the only way to convey just how bad this hurt is to either start cutting myself, or kill myself. Hard to say that I'm just being melodramatic or fishing for attention when I'm dead by my own hand.
Making things harder is that I can't leave them. I'm still working on things and I need the lab. So what do I do? | aspergers |
My father and I are Aspergers, and my mother is the only NT in the family. We are very sedentary (but supportive of each other) and we don't have many people coming to our house. When my mother talked about her life before she met my father, I felt guilty because she was very outgoing, always going out with her friends or her sisters. Also, she got pregnant with me by accident, but she still chose to keep me. I feel like I have somehow "stolen" her life from her and the life she could have had if I wasn't Asperger's, and this feeling is much stronger every time she blames me for some aspect of my Syndrome, such as: "Normally, I wouldn't even tell you to do this, do that. You're almost 17, you should be doing it on your own !" I really feel like a parasite in her life, even if she says otherwise... I tell myself that she doesn't deserve the life she has now, that it's not in her nature to be sedentary and that she could have had a much better life, and I tell myself that it's actually my fault, that I'm too weird, that I don't have enough friends, that I don't make enough efforts to socialize... | aspergers |
I started therapy in November of last year. since then, my psychologist was absolutely sure that i had ocd and gave me this diagnosis. This week I received the results of some neuropsychological tests and there was no presence of ocd in any of the tests. my psychologist said that doesn't mean i don't have the cd but it made me desperate and in shock. where i live, there is not much information about pure o, ocd is summed up in washing hands and closing the door 67 times before leaving home. I don't know what to think I feel like a monster | OCD |
Along with PTSD for the past 2 and a half years I've probably always had low self esteem, worth, depression, blah blah blah.
My current thoughts have lead me to sour on my relationship with my wife of 26 years. We've had a relatively normal marriage but as we've matured, our idiosyncrasies have also "matured".
I am not the same person I was before my trauma. I will never be the same. Despite starting VA PTSD treatment next month for the first time (I've been on different SSRIs and such but never actual PTSD focused therapy) I'm worried that improving my mental outlook will possibly make my dislike for my wife even greater. We have both shared in life and making allowances for personal differences should be part of the process.
But,
When I see her today. Watching her actions, managing the kids and her day to day I cannot feel the fire of love for her anymore. She echoes her parents (who doesn't by their mid 40s?) but I don't look at them or her the same anymore. I'm not saying that she is a bad person or whatever. This PTSD has entered unexpectedly in Both of our lives.
Yes, I have also withdrawn from my life and literally everyone around me. Yes, she hasn't left me. Yes, she has taken increased responsibility for things that I used to handle with ease. Yes this PTSD has strained every part of her life and mine. I know all this is a direct result of actions beyond my control. None of that really alleviates my overall feeling that I don't connect with even her anymore.
Of course, I haven't shared any of this with her. I look at my internal problems as my own and avoid burdening her with my, often baseless, concerns of my perception my failing marriage.
I'm sure by now this rambling doesn't make a whole bunch of sense anymore.
DAE struggle with this? | ptsd |
I always thought I was just a lazy person until my recent diagnosis with adhd and autism, however it turns out that I struggle to get up due to that. At the moment unless my partner is getting up the same time as me I am finding it physically impossible to be up, to the extent I am walking across my bedroom and turning my alarm off to go back to bed without any recollection of it at all when I wake up hours later. If I do this again I will lose my job I'm on my last warning.
When it comes to going to bed I can't get to sleep any earlier that 1 and that's always been the case but with life throwing me a few curve balls lately I've been pretty depressed and the combination of that and adhd means I physically can't get myself up. Thanks in advance for any advice!
Edit: this blew up alot more than I expected I appreciate everyone's time and in trying to reply to everything but I'm getting 2 replies as I type out a reply to another. I will try to get to them all! | ADHD |
I always thought weird noises and movement in my peripheral vision were my only sensory issue, but without having any scents to deal with, I feel calmer. I don’t know if this was always an issue or if scent became another sense that needed to be managed after years of seizures messed up my sense of smell. To me, all food tastes about the same as before, so I think that ability to link smells with taste got messed up along with destroying my ability to associate scents with memories.
I’ve been afraid to admit to anyone else that I think my life would be better if I lost a little bit of my hearing, but I never guessed I could be anything but distraught over losing my sense of smell (and I certainly can’t admit *that* to anyone else). It makes me sound as crazy as those trans-disabled people. | aspergers |
I've seen a commercial on cableone with a teenager boys who has autism. The commercials theme is "act normal" the messaging is really good. I really like the ad and cannot find a link on YouTube, Google search? Anyone else seen this ad, and know who put it out? Suggestions? | aspergers |
It's endlessly annoying and depressing, and I feel so alone in this.
Eating takes me _forever_. Some things are way easier for me to eat than others, but for the most part, eating is a chore. I find it next to impossible to swallow a chewed up piece of food bigger than the size of a dime and I can't have any distractions. I've felt like I was going to choke multiple times because swallowing feels so manual and calculated; it feels like there's a force preventing me from doing it. It feels so real yet I know it's all in my head. My food always goes cold. I snack multiple times throughout the day because sitting down to eat a meal is usually just too much work.
I wish my OCD would remanifest itself back to other things. I love food, but it's hard to now. And the frustrating part is that I can't recall an event that might have triggered it.
Thanks for letting me vent. | OCD |
I was recently prescribed a stimulant medication to treat my adhd, however roughly coinciding with this I started experiencing UTI like symptoms in the form of the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom constantly. I stopped taking the medication almost a week ago however the symptoms have not cleared up. My Dr has already examined me and can’t find any signs of an actual UTI and I have become extremely worried that my adhd meds have triggered some reaction.
Does anyone have any experience with this sort of side effect potentially being caused by their prescription? | ADHD |
I went down to my school to get tested if I have ever adhd or autism and my self esteem is in a shit hole. I was misdiagnosed with autism but I had to take the test after years because we don’t know exactly. My mother tried to “break things down” back when I was younger as if I can’t process information. That first day she told me I was autistic, I. Was. Crushed...
I was in tears and I thought
“maybe there really is something wrong with me.”
I never had a hard time with social cues etc etc just the fact that I daydream constantly, get distracted easily, and I miss details a lot...
Yes I know it’s different for everyone, but even saying that to me does not make me feel any better...
I see these neuro-typical people and sometimes I just wish I was like them so I could feel like there isn’t something wrong with me.
I’m deleting this later because this sub reddit is really the only thing I can turn to without feeling like my friends will think I’m weird and shit...
Anyways, I’m sorry if I ruffled a few feathers (offended anybody) | aspergers |
Do people with Asperger's avoid eye contact for a particular reason? I'm just curious because I was diagnosed with social anxiety but eye contact is what makes communicating with people a horribly uncomfortable and weird experience. It's supposed to be natural yet I'm always super on guard about it and it overwhelms the ability to connect with someone one on one.
Anyways, I'm just curious if you guys have any thoughts or experiences on eye contact. | aspergers |
CBD or Marijuana for PTSD?
Hello,
I am CPTSD and really need help with regulating my emotions, sleep, eating, and staying present. What is best for PTSD in your opinion: CBD or marijuana? | ptsd |
I'm a 20 years old male, I've never been diagnosed with OCD or any mental disorder and before this I don't think I had any symptoms.
So about three weeks ago I read something about pedophilia on the internet, and the idea of me being a pedophile popped in my head and from there it all went downwards.
I had never thought of me as being attracted to children nor there has never been any moment where I felt like that towards children, I've always been attracted to girls in my age range but suddenly this happens and started feeling a lingering anxiety ALL THE TIME, at first I felt uncomfortable with anything related to children but my thoughts kept telling me that must mean I'm a pedophile, and I would tell myself all the time: *"No, you're not, you're just getting nervous around children because you're scared of feeling something, that's all"*. But that wouldn't help, I tried to keep playing videogames to try and distract myself from the thoughts but as soon as I stopped playing the anguish would come with even more strength.
The anxiety got worse and worse, I started panicking and I searched on the internet: "Fear of being a pedophile", and POCD came up but I kept downplaying it, saying to myself that I don't have POCD and that I'm just overthinking too much, that I was going to move on.
But eventually I got to a breaking point, I was almost paralyzed by the anxiety, couldn't even play videogames anymore, nor do anything that wasn't thinking about this, I had the strongest suicidal thoughts I've ever had, It wasn't even close, I thought my life was done. I decided that I was going to tell my mom because I couldn't handle it anymore.
So I told her and she asked me I had ever felt something for children and I said no, which was true at the time. At first talking to my mom didn't fix anything, I kept feeling the worst I've ever felt and, at least, functionally my life was done.
But that same day I started feeling better and better, I moved on a little bit from the thoughts and things got much better after a few days, but then my brain found a memory of a few months ago where I had seen on Instagram a girl that I found sexually attractive but then I found out she was 14.
That took me right back to the terrible state I was before telling my mom, lost my appetite, wanted to sleep all the time, barely got out of bed. I decided to tell my mom again, and talk to a therapist, my mom again told me that I wasn't a pedophile, I also ended up talking to my dad, who told me the same thing. Now this time I felt a lot better almost instantly, the anxiety started dissipating.
I started testing myself when I felt some anxiety, like thinking of children and checking to see if I felt aroused, but when I didn't my thoughts would say that of course you aren't going to feel anything you're thinking of children being children, so I started thinking of children naked and then children in sexual situations and at first I don't think I felt anything but eventually I did, I realized that my penis was getting slightly bigger, I kind of panicked but also I thought maybe it's just my brain being confused so I brushed it off.
But the uncertainty of that groin reaction made me keep going and so I started googling again, and found the POCD thing again and now it seemed like I did have POCD, and found a lot of people who had gone through very similar experiences to me, anxiety was almost completely gone, but the testing kept happening, also the googling, it almost became a routine even though I'm not sure I feel anxious anymore.
The worst came the last couple of days, I started feeling uncomfortable with the fact that my anxiety was seemingly gone but the thoughts, the testing, the googling, the groinals where still there. I decided to test myself by looking at pictures and again I didn't feel anything, and then felt horrible, *"Did I do that because I wanted to look at pictures of little girls?"* and I did it again but now with girls in bikinis, and I felt even worse.
But then the anxiety was gone. The "compulsions" kept going though, I started thinking that maybe I'm a pedophile in denial or that I've just turned in one or I'm in the process of doing so, even though I've never felt like this before. Weirdly, the worst part of all this is the fact that the anxiety was gone, I was worried but not anxious nor suicidal anymore.
So now I think I was just trying to use POCD as excuse to actual pedophilia, at the end of the day I had never had an OCD situation like this, I don't know what to think anymore, this morning I had multiple dreams of children and I woke up with a full erection, something that had never happened to me before, then I dreamt of killing myself.
I talked to my therapist for the first time and I don't think she understands, and I'm scared of going into detail, I don't know if she is knowledgeable about OCD, and if I bring it up it just makes me feel more like a pedophile in denial, I tested myself again today, I can't stop googling.
**TL;DR: When the thoughts started I felt the worst I've ever felt in my life, but then I told my parents, they made me feel better, the strong anguish was gone but then uncertainty stayed, I started testing myself, googling; reading other people's experiences all the time, and now I think that I was just in denial and that I'm an actual pedophile, the anxiety is gone, but I can't stop thinking about this, I simply can't. I would never masturbate thinking of a child nor have sex with one, but the arousal is still there, the thoughts are still there. I've lost hope.** | OCD |
Long story short my bf is suffering from depression n we r in a long distance ....He shares everything with me n I try to be there for him always .. but it's affecting me a lot ....I can't focus on anything else n keep thinking bout him and all this all the time ...I myself suffer from some mental issue and sometimes whatever he tells me is too much for me to handle ...
Last night we had a convo about it .. n we decided that now he will limit the things he shares..
But telling him about this was a right decision ??
You know he won't share all this with anyone else except me... N I asked him to limit the things he tells me ..
Did I did the totally opposite of what I was supposed to do !?
Will this pull him more in depression??
I really don't want that ! | depression |
Do you guys know any people who are very good at systemizing and yet have a perfectly normal theory of mind (EQ)? I.e. people who have very/extremely good logical abilities but are not socially deficient | aspergers |
Idk a better place than here so it’s not looking for a diagnosis but simply discussion.
I have my other actual traumas I have yet to heal from but I’m trying to uncover if I have one more.
For as long as I can remember, I have this ridiculous fear of water in two ways: surrounding water, even if it’s shallow or water falling from a very high place not including rain.
It’s been ages since I’ve felt this.
Being in areas with triggers like these will cause me to feel panicky and feel the urge to escape.
Even our old bath tub had a flooding issue and the tub even slightly filling up would make me panic and end the shower earlier or step out and let it drain for a time.
I couldn’t even venture farther than hip-deep at the beach this year and that a lot took a lot of courage to do
This weekend I was on a bus ride that traversed over some flood waters in a select area that some passengers deduced to be part of a water mane break. I remembered the event in Dawn hours yesterday and it scared me awake and made falling back to sleep difficult despite me not feeling this way when it occurred initially. The same happened this morning.
My friends believe I could have some untapped trauma with water from a very long time ago that causes this panic. I have no memory of such however. I want to mention it in therapy but I’m not sure it’s worth an entire session.
Any thoughts? | ptsd |
I genuinely don’t like being around people anymore, my last job ignoring my complaints with how much being in customer service was hurting me when it wasn’t even the area they hired me for honestly made me completely shut down socially.
Every since then I’ve been a lot more demanding of my space and privacy when I am around people. Like I’m more outspoken about me not wanting to be touched, telling people they’re too close, telling people that I don’t want to talk, or just down right saying that I want to be alone. I feel like I come off as an ass, and it’s eating me up a little, but I just really don’t feel like pretending to be like everyone else anymore. I’m different and there’s barely anything I can do to change that rather than just pretend that I’m not.
I like being alone with my cat, reading books, watching amazing anime, and making art. Everytime I opened up I got hurt, I’d rather be alone now. I dream of being in a relationship with someone that respects my boundaries, but outside of that, I have no motivation to socialize. Part of me feels like it’s unhealthy to be alone though, but the other feels like I’m just thinking that because it’s considered normal to not be alone. | aspergers |
For the last two days I’ve been obsessed about having fever. I think I’ve checked my temp at least 30 times, and the highest reading was 37.2 (rectal) and 36.9 (oral) but I don’t trust the reading because I feel warm.
I don’t have fatigue or anything else and feel as healthy as usual but it’s just that I feel warm that’s making me think I have COVID and that I infected my co workers (even though they are fully vaccinated, I have my first shot). I talked to a doctor and he said I don’t have to get tested because it’s not fever but I just can’t ducking trust anything but my own mind telling me it’s fever | OCD |
I am a naturally affectionate person and OCD seems to take advantage of that... whenever I try to befriend someone or try to get closer to them, both platonically, my OCD insists that I want to be romantically involved with them, even though I *know* for a fact that I don't really want that. It's really stressing me out... | OCD |
I find it basically IMPOSSIBLE to exercise. Even with listening to podcasts / watching shows while I do it I still can barely force myself like maybe a few times a month. And even then I can’t do it for a good duration of time. So many times I’ve stopped before I even hit 5 minutes.
The only way I’ve ever gotten exercise in is with dance classes or school sports but that’s not really an option for me right now : /. I haven’t done them since quarantine and really haven’t been exercising at all this year so I’m overweight and lost all muscle mass, which really affects me personally. | ADHD |
Feels like I’m sleeping on a bed of nails. My entire nervous system is in pain. Pin and needles. Walking on eggshells.
F- this.
Forget about now feeling “just right”. Stop torturing me with feeling horrible for days. | OCD |
When I'm alone and surrounded by people. I just constantly feel so awkward. Like I don't know what to do with my body, and In public I don't know what to do with my eyes. Am I the only one? | aspergers |
My son is 8 years old and in 3rd grade it agreed he has ADHD and is on medicine but sometimes the medicine does not seem seem to help with School work. His teacher called me today to tell me that over the past 2 days he just sat at his desk, staring at his papers. She kept him in from recess to help him get the work done but she ended up basically giving him the answer. When we've talked to him in the past he said that sometimes it feels like his head is just going to explode and recently has said that it sounds like there are a 100 voices talking to him at once in his head and it makes it hard for him to do things when he is asked to do them. Part of me thinks that he is selective about what he wants to do But the more he tells me about it the more I think it might be something to do with the disorder itself. I don't want him to hate school and they don't want him to fall behind. But I don't know what else to do for him. I don't know what to do. I would love ideas or suggestions. | ADHD |
So I have been on Adderall XR for about 2 months now and don't get me wrong but I definitely feel it's effects and it made me clean my entire room which was shocking to me, but when it actually comes to trying to sit down and actually learn something new I just keep getting constant brain fogs. I talked to my psychiatrist about this but he told me that 30mg of XR is the highest doseage that he goes too? I'm not sure what to do and will see him again in 3 weeks. | ADHD |
(First and foremost I want to apologize in advance if my writing becomes annoying to read because I’m not great at grammar) I am a 16 year old boy and for these past few months I been experiencing intrusive thoughts that been mental torturing me to the point where I have mini panic attacks. Sometimes when I’m alone my stomach begins to drop and my heart starts racing. It gotten to the point where I have been thinking about of suicide even though I will never do it because I fear what lies on the other side. I feel like my life and my mind is spiraling out of control to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore. I just feel numb to everything, For example when I’m watching the news and a story comes up about a women getting murdered I don’t feel sad or angry about it even though I think it terrible thing that happened. It at the point where I doubt myself so much where I could say I’m not a space alien and my own mind doubt it. I guess what I’m trying to say I want to be myself again. I hope that everyone who read this has a great night or day depending when you’re reading this. | OCD |
I’ve recently developed a not-so-subtle tic where I shake my head violently back and forth when I’m triggered. It’s involuntary and so annoying. Does anyone else struggle with tics or know how to manage them? | ptsd |
My mother in law is here while my husband and his dad work on our new house we just bought. My mother in law has been here with me and my kids alone for 10 days. I know her well and she’s wonderful. We just found out we have a genetic disorder. I can’t shake this constant feeling of embarrassment and inadequacy because I can’t act/feel ok.I feel like I just can’t be normal and enjoy life. My poor family. I feel like I’m dragging them all down. I can’t function like I should. I feel so guilty and I just keep
Praying for god to help me be the mom my kids deserve and to have this feeling go away. I’ve always felt like an alien and now it’s getting worse because I actually have these beautiful connections and I don’t know how to be right. I’m so pushed to my limit. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like leaving them would be better for them. I’m ruining everything. | aspergers |
I'm only 22 and I feel like my depressive episodes have gotten progressively worse since it began. I think so slowly, I feel paralyzed, I feel trapped, I feel stupid. Each episode seems to be worse. Luckily these extreme episodes don't last too long but fuck they're bad when they hit. If it's this debilitating at 22 how am I supposed to function later in life? I always viewed my mental illness as something to be managed and I'd be fine, but what if my brain is really just dying? I can't take much more of this | depression |
Hi all, I (f24) had been dating a guy (NT) for about two months. At first it was so effortless to connect and I could feel him. I felt like I could almost tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge me. I felt safe and comfortable enough to be me. During dinner once I almost told him I have aspergers as he was telling me that he suspects that some of his friends have it (nerdy engineers). But I did not want him to look at me differently so I stayed quiet. Few weeks later I was supposed to stay at his place to spend the weekend but his texts sounded uninterested in me. So I panicked and assumed he did not want me stay at his place. Instead of asking him “hey so you do want to see me?”, I reacted in a negative way and assumed. Since then we don’t feel close and it’s almost impossible to connect again. I became insecure and started masking again which has played a part in our relationship to fail.
We are supposed to have a conversation soon about how things are going and I’m almost sure he will end things.
Should I confess to him that I have aspergers? Do y’all think we could back and connect like we once did? | aspergers |
Do abusers ever try to "get rid" of their victims?There is one traumatic experience I don't like talking about much. Because I don't know for sure if this event was... intentional.
My family had a swimming pool in their backyard. I was really short so only on my tiptoes could I reach the surface, my face half submerged in the water.
My abuser was jumping up and down in the middle of the pool to create waves. It was fun until he started moving towards me. Because of the waves it got harder to stay above water, and as he got closer it got worse. I drifted towards the edge of the pool and I'd pull myself up as high as I could so I could breathe, but the waves (even at the edge of the pool) were too big and I could barely breathe. The first two times it happened I was saved by my mom. But the 3rd time was the most eye-opening.
My abuser was creating waves in the pool again. He was right next to me and as I was trying to get to the edge to breathe he followed me, and because he got so close the waves pulled me under the ladder used to get out of the pool. I was stuck between the wall of the pool and the ladder steps. There was no way to get air under there because the water was too high, and my abuser just kept jumping making waves. I couldn't breathe so I was panicking, kicking, trying to get air but completely unaware of how wedged under the ladder I was.
I couldn't breathe and I don't know how but my dad must have noticed because the next thing I felt was someone trying to pull me, I couldn't tell he was trying to help me so I was kicking at everything in a panic but he managed to pull me out from under the ladder. He pulled me up and raised me higher than the water (because my abuser was still making waves, however, I did see him backing up as I was coughing up water and catching my breath). After that I wasn't allowed to swim in the pool without a parent and I didn't want to swim anymore.
It may sound like a bit of a stretch but... I think my abuser may have been trying to kill me by "accident." Ever since I've had trouble swimming in pools with other people in it, whether it be a public pool or our own pool. Even being near pools gives me flashbacks, and I can feel the panic, the gasping for air, the water getting into my lungs, and the coughing, all over again.
I'm not quite sure what counts as trauma but I don't like talking about this one, so maybe there is trauma there that I haven't really processed. It's scary to think my abuser may have tried to kill me. I don't know if it was intentional but I was lucky my dad was there (usually he wouldn't be) if he hadn't been idk what might have happened. I don't really like thinking about that either.
***TL:DR*** I think my abuser may have tried to drown me after I told my parents what he was doing behind closed doors (I didn't understand the gravity of the situation at the time. I thought he'd just get into a little trouble and it'd blow over). When I was a child I thought he was my best friend but he did get me into some risky situations. The kind of situations that could've easily gone very wrong. I'm not sure what to think anymore. | ptsd |
Has anyone successfully found a medicine with no side effects, or at the very least, minimal ones? Specifically sexual side effects? Ive been on and off of zoloft for months. I've tried changing the dose with my doctor repetitively. It always feels like it's too much, yet not enough. I never feel pure relief, and never get to a functional state, and side effects make me feel like im losing myself and forgetting who I am. I'd be lying if I said they weren't helping at all, but I feel like i can't raise the dose to a helpful amount because it has terrible side effects. (Numb genitals, dead libido, emptiness, inability to feel happiness or fulfillment) Now I know that every medication is different for everyone due to genetics, but I want to know if anyone has found a medicine that matched them perfectly with no sexual effects. (and how many tries it took to find their match) | OCD |
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