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Recently got diagnosed at the age of 26. Started Vyvanse 30 mg yesterday and i was expecting a sense of euphoria as told by many users of the sub but didn’t feel any.
I work in a restaurant and took the tablet before going to work. Started work a little apprehensively as i was expecting the euphoria but i felt normal, however i was unusually social, could reply to people properly without being overwhelmed, was not even bored a little bit during the day and was able to do stuff which I generally hated with ease.
I also play gran turismo (a racing game) a lot and when i played it today, i was able to beat my past times on the first attempt.
I just wanted know is this how normal people are able to concentrate or am i just hyped on the medicine and i have more concentration now then normal people? | ADHD |
Hello,
I just wanted to vent so that I can record proof of my experience. Hopefully, people can use it as an example of depersonalization.
So at the moment, I feel like a stranger in a strange land. I’m fully self-aware of my actions, the places I’m in, and the people around me. So I’m not derealizing. But I feel like an empty vessel to be honest. I am emotionless — no feelings of sadness, happiness, fear, etc. Really, I feel indifferent. I am unable to reach and express my values and beliefs. Like I’m disconnected from myself. This is quite common for me. In the past, I’ve tried to obsess and prove that I have my values and beliefs, despite what my intrusive thoughts were telling me, but it’s always ended with just more fear and anxiety. So I’m not obsessing at the moment.
Of course, I’m still having my intrusive thoughts. But without emotions to color my experience, I’m starting to see a clear picture of what is going on. So whenever I have an intrusive thought, for the moment, my mind will transport me to a mental scenario where I engage in that thought. Then, I will quickly be dropped back into reality, almost as if I just woke up from a dream. My heart will start to race and anxiety will start to pop up on my forehead and my chest. Despite the fact that my mind subconsciously wants to convince itself that the thought is a true representation of my character, it won’t at the end. I’m not sure the best way to explain it but the thought will just feel ‘off’ and ‘wrong.’ Like, clearly, I’m not enjoying the thought — otherwise, this would not be the case.
In any case, this will pass. There have been days where I have felt better and more in-tune with my own personhood. My friends and family have all told me that I’m suffering through major anxiety. Several medical professionals have diagnosed me with OCD. I have journal entries that indicate the validity of my past experiences. Even though my brain is unable to fully convince itself that is has OCD and is suffering from anxiety, I’m able to put full trust in the people around me. I tell myself that it is unfair to say that I don’t have OCD when I have told others that they do have it and shouldn’t say that they are a special case.
At the end of the day, I’m stuck thinking the things I think and feeling the way I feel. But I have choice in how I react. It’s only by accepting intrusive thoughts and being fair and kind to myself that I may escape the nightmare that is OCD. And it’s the only way that works. I spent two years engaging in compulsions and obsessions, trying to wish away my thoughts, only to feel worse at the end. Now that I have started to do the right things, that I have started to feel better.
Anyways, I should be good. I’m just gonna spend my time relaxing today. Thank you for listening! | OCD |
All my fucking life I’ve tried to be my best to everyone that I love. I’m always there for someone who needs me. I’m there for someone who doesn’t have anyone else to go to. I’m always there but no one’s ever there for me, no one’s ever there when I need them. What did I do? I try my absolute best to be there and in the end I’m the one who gets fucked over. I’m just so tired of this. WHY ME LIKE HONESTLY WHY. IS THEIR ANYONE OUT THERE WHO ACTUALLY HAS FEELINGS?!? Is their anyone out there who’s like me? Is there anyone else who feels like no one cares about them but they care about everyone? Why me? I’ve always been fucked over by the ones I love. I can’t talk to my best friends about it because I get ignored by them constantly. I’ve been trying to make new friends but it hasn’t been working out to well. I just want to be happy again. I want the color in my life back. I want someone to love me they way I’d love them. There has to be someone out there. I just don’t get it. Why me? | depression |
I look like an old man at 24. I feel so insecure about my bald spots. This sucks, dude. Soon I'll have medical problems. I'm so afraid of getting old. | depression |
Hello everyone, I’m a twenty year old male! Woke up the other day to strange noises and thoughts regaining consciousness, I do experience this and sleep paralysis quite often as of recently, I know this is quite common as my girlfriend used to experience the same thing. However, as I regained consciousness I thought about how my Grandfather was a schizophrenic and my mind began to race, I’m sure you’re all aware of that terrifying brief moment where you recognise the OCD is about to take over what would usually be a passing thought. Since then I have been ruminating on it and terrifying myself about the thought of developing schizophrenia. I’ve convinced myself that the brain fog brought on from the stress and my inability to be imaginative due to me being anxious and tired is me suffering delusion. I’m terrified to sleep as I’m scared that my hallucinations will only worsen. It didn’t help that when researching onset signs of the illness in question, poor sleep and other things I can relate to we’re signs. I’m terrified that I’m developing it, I’m trying to shake the thoughts and cope with them, but I’m finding it very hard to do so when the doubts have so much fuel. My father did specify that my Grandad suffered an abusive childhood and had meningitis as a child, which eased my mind, but it wasn’t enough as nothing ever really is. Anyone experienced the same thing? | OCD |
So often at funerals and the like I feel inadequate in exhibiting social expressions of grief. The way we are expected to present our grief physically and verbally has always induced performance anxiety. Plus even when I'm grieving in private a loss that means a lot to me, I often feel guilty because what I feel doesn't quite fit the contours of a conventional grief reaction. It's amorphous and unique in a way that defies labels. | aspergers |
I was in a dark place for a few days, some of my old obsessions have resurfaced and I'm also facing relationship OCD . It's 1:30 AM where I am right now and I'm done. This is it. OCD has taken all it can from me. There's nothing left to lose now. NOW it's time for me to fight back again.
Thank you for your love and support r/OCD, I'll keep on updating you guys on how I'm doing. In the meantime, keep up with your ERP guys! :) | OCD |
Im tired of falling in love with random people almost weekly and then getting all heartbroken and delusional without the other person even knowing anything
Im tired of dolling myself up for work daily, putting lots of effort into my looks and clothes hoping we will have new fun coworkers but that doesn't happen since 2 years
Im especially tired of people and YouTube videos telling me to start thinking positive and positive will come your way
Im tired of overthinking
Im tired of wasting money on more clothes and makeup and things that were designed to give naive people like me the hope their life will change when they get that new product
How does one completely detach themselves from such things? What do I need to do to just wake up in the morning, go to work and then home without any much thinking? I hope someone understands what I mean and can put it in better words or give me advice.. thanks | depression |
It seems like each day my brain decides to ruminate on something new. Today? My brain has decided to picture myself out of body, staring at me? I swear I’m not schizophrenic by any means, but it’s just creepy to think of yourself out of body? And for whatever reason, thats what my brain keeps fixating on. Just started Zoloft this week and I’m hoping these constant weird thoughts finally be laid to rest. | OCD |
Through some unfortunate circumstances I found myself in a hospital, where I got to see how the nurses work. I loved observing their work, it was like watching the inner workings of a machine and finding out how a thing works.
I love watching the aircraft crews and ground crews work to get a flight in and off the airport safely. It's mesmerizing.
Seeing shopkeepers manage multiple customers, even IT professionals tapping away at codes or artists creating their art. I even love watching guards directing crowds of people around.
It's kind of sad that I can't watch them too indiscreetly because it ticks people off. No one likes working when someone is watching them, so I have to act uninterested. But I love watching people work. I love seeing them concentrate on things, manage and multitask, prioritise and improvise.
I just wanted to share, that's all. | aspergers |
So I 31f long suspected I had ADHD, but I was "functioning well" so just didn't bother doing anything about it. I have always excelled at work and school so the fact I can't focus on anything for more than 5 minutes didn't really matter I guess. Lately with working from home it just isn't working anymore, it is so easy to get distracted, no one is watching, no one cares if I pull out my phone.
I talked with my doctor who sent me a self assessment to fill out but basically said, yes it sounds like you may have ADHD. She mentioned medication being a good option if it is impacting my life, which is encouraging, I was so worried she would be against medicating. I have an appointment this afternoon to go over my self assessment and I just cannot focus on anything. I am literally shaking and staring at the same page of the same doc I opened to this morning to start work.
I tried reaching out to a friend for support and got back "oh, why would you think you have ADHD?" And my mom pretty much got super defensive about how she never noticed an issue with me growing up and why do I need to do this now. Just feeling super alone here. | ADHD |
Now I know that I just need certain environmental factors to be able to go outside. If it's crisp and cool, not a bug in sight nor humidity in the air, I'm in heaven. But if we're walking through scratchy grasses, there are bugs even AROUND, or I'm carrying anything, it's a different story. It's helpful to know these things because I can really try to avoid bad things for me.
1. BRINGING A BACKPACK: I bring a backpack everywhere, because I get distracted if I have to carry things in my hands, and will likely drop it. I also really struggle to not pack every single thing I could possibly need in an emergency (even if I tell myself I don't need to bring it earlier, at the last second I will). I also walk incredibly quickly so purses will end up slapping against my side uncomfortably. They also just create asymmetrical weight, which is distracting.
2. CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR AC: Specifically for grocery stores, this also is great. I know that in the summer, I get super hot walking to the grocery store, but then I freeze in the AC once I'm actually shopping. And I am not a fast shopper, so it's not like I can handle freezing for an hour. I bring a lightweight oversized pair of yoga pants/sweater that I can slip over my shorts and shirt without even taking off my runners. Otherwise I'll want to bail on grocery shopping and end up coming back in 2 days because I didn't get the things I needed.
3. MUSIC: This one seems obvious, and I'm sure I'm not alone in my love of headphones. I instinctively turn them up loud enough to drown out everyone else. But I also really benefit from walking to the beat, and find it hard to get in the right rhythm without it. Music has it's own downfalls too- I think the escapism it gives me can also lead to much more delayed and blind-sighted sensory overloads. When walking home from work, the searing sun and exhaustion don't hit until I'm in the entrance of my apartment and my headphones are turned off- then it's like I've been shoved in a furnace. Walking home with no music to begin with will slow me down and let me be more aware of my surroundings all along, so nothing shifts as violently. On the other hand, I won't feel anything or enjoy the walk. You gotta pick your battles.
4. SETTING BOUNDARIES: Like many of us diagnosed later in life, I never knew why I was always the "dramatic" or "whiny" one. I was always told to stop crying, and wished I could, because I hated being a spoilsport. But I could also never wrap my head around the idea of something like reading a book outside, while a fly just buzzes near you. I couldn't tell if I had OCD, or if other people were faking their comfort around insects to maybe seem more outdoorsy, or mature. Even now, it's been suchhh a slow process to slowly discern the specific elements that undo me. With low abstraction skills, I don't even listen to myself- everything feels like it was situational, or happened too fast to think about it at all. But I do know that certain things like heat, bugs, not having a ride home, etc, will be significant for me. I try to remind myself of this, and avoid putting myself in a situation that I know I don't have the ability to perceive risk in. Even now, I literally know it's HELL to be trapped at a party with no ride home/waiting on someone who will take two hours; but if I was asked tomorrow by a friend if that would be an issue, my mind would draw a blank & I would say "of course not!". | aspergers |
So I struggle to stop scrolling on my phone. Usually happens when I’m laying in bed, I know I need to stop and I want to stop but I just cant. It’s the same feeling when I need to do uni work (trigger for me) and just cant do it. I think it may be related to ptsd but I’m not sure. I’m in between psychologists at the moment or I would ask them. Does anyone else have this problem or am I just addicted? | ptsd |
I don’t know, but the thought of this vibrant community with all these people and stores and stuff just makes me feel at ease every time I go to a downtown space, like Portland.
I also don’t mind loud noises at all as long as they’re not intentionally ear piercing (e.g that high pitched sound video on YouTube) | aspergers |
My son has fine motor issues and doesn't rinse the shampoo out of his hair properly. Because of that, it always looks like he hasn't showered in weeks (very greasy). I've tried my best to advise him on how to have a better outcome but he states that he doesn't care. I suspect that he doesn't think he can be successful and has stopped trying. What can I do or say to help him? My concern is that he will alienate himself from others (for life?). Help! | aspergers |
I've been living with my grandparents since I was 2 years old. They alwaye compare to my parents as an insult(they are both abusive and absent). It makes me feel worthless and that I should've ki myself when I had the chance to. I literally told this to my grandma but no response. When she cries is always because I upset her(ex: for leaving the lights open for 30 mins or so without being in said room). She never cries for my issues. She only cares about school, never asks about how I am feeling. I told her bringing up school makes me more depressed so she should stop and actually ask about my well being. But she got upset. There are times when she's so nice and smiling and others when she gets upset over anything and starts yelling. I try to be understanding because she is old and has diabetes but it's so difficult. I have ADHD and tend to be impulsive so I yell back and insult her then feel guilty. I learned my behaviour from them and I hate it, I hate insulting them then feeling guilt. Am i exaggerating? What should I do? | depression |
Hi
My GF (23) and I (23) are together since 1.5 (little more) years i knew going into the relationship it will not be the easiest to handle. We both are diagnosed with ADD but i found something i realy love and im good at and also response really well to ritalin. My GF on the otherhand has always had trouble in school and didn't finish one major and is now on a apprenticeship (2 days school / 3 days work + homework/study mostly whole weekends) in the "Second Workmarket" which you can enter when you have mental problem but the School is the same difficulty. She doesn't response well to any medication and most probably also has a trauma (maybe depression) because her dad died when she was 12. Since she begann she always had some really hard fittings once a year where she is overwhelmed with everything. In this time she pushes me and everyone else away really hard. Most of the time i see it comming since she always complains month ago how overwhelmed she is. And then one day to another she writes she need time to herself and i dont hear from her for days. After the days she wants to break up but then realised it's not the best idea because it most likely was her overwhelmedness/depression. I said in the beginning of the relationship that i'll be her mountain and i can handle a lot (Depression is a constant in my family for years so i know i can handle it). But sometimes it just feels so unfair to me that she just dont want to talk and im just waiting what she does next. Im close with her family and her mother said it was always like that. When shes overwhelmed in her head everything is a struggle. I know it probably is not the best thing to push when she is in the defend mode because then she is even more overwhelmed, so i wait until she gives me a text/call and then i speak to her and try to find out whats happening. Besides the times where she is overwhelmed she is the best and most loving person i know. three weeks ago she thanked me so much that im her mountain in her life and was sorry that she can't be strong at the moment. I said it was okay and i promised her that im always there.
I know since we both have ADD it comes with unique problems in the relationship. Last time after the break up and our conversations it got really good realy fast until it didn't... We made conversationdates, feedback culture we were ready to go to couple therapie but since it was good for monthes we forgot about it (For sure a ADD thing for us)
Do you have some similar expierience? Is it worth handle the stress? She says at moments like that im the one holding the relationship together.
I love her like no one else and want to build a future with her.
Im happy for input or anything really. Sorry for my english im not a native english speaker. | ADHD |
Ive been diagnosed with it for a little while now and I've started to read studies about adhd and how it affects me. But it all kinda confuses me and it makes me really nervous. I also have anxiety on top of that so it really doesn't help me overthinking it all. So really, if someone could help me understand what it all means that would be really helpful, or if someone arounf my age has it could help me figure out what the heck I'm doing that would be pretty rad too. | ADHD |
If a random individual were to see me from the outside they would see a happy character, smiling, laughing with his friends, socialising… On the inside I’m an absolute mess, and I can’t tell anyone. Why on the inside it just feels like I’m a black cloud. I’m happy to be a post for someone to lean on during hard times. I’ll gladly listen to their stories. I even encourage others to speak about their experiences. But I will NEVER express my own, what a hypocrite. Why, because I’m the post you lean on, I’m the listener, I’m the happy go lucky one. When others make snarky remakes towards me, they hurt a lot but I just laugh them off, even if they diminish my self worth. Why because I’m the post, I don’t get to bite back, I’m sturdy I’m there to be leaned on… I’m sturdy. If it wasn’t for the fear of dying I would be gone, but alas I wake up everyday continuing the cycle of trying to be the post. What a joke. | depression |
No one else I know deals with this. I'm hoping it's an ADHD thing and not just a me thing, but I honestly am so sick of it.
I used to love videogames. I still do. But I have this absolutely obsessive streak of making a character and going over their backstory and researching every possible decision, especially which playstyle I want to try, and then once I'm in the game, I play for about 10 minutes and then hate everything I did and delete it and start over. This happens with WoW, Skyrim, Minecraft... all the big ones.
Lately it's been Animal Crossing. I restarted my island almost a month ago to prep for the new update and I STILL haven't made a new one because I am agonizing over the name for my character, how I can't make one that fits the vibe I want, and then I restart to get the island layout I want... and then once I start and get on the island, I hate it all and delete it and start from scratch. It's not perfect enough or something, or I'm bored??
I just restarted my breath of the wild playthrough about 10 minutes ago because I hated the path that I took through the world and how disjointed it was, and how I did things "out of order." So here I am again, with ANOTHER unfinished game. Earlier today I gave WoW a try again, and then made two new characters with classes I was dying to try, but only got about 5 minutes in before I was so sick of it - the hair color was wrong, the animations were wrong, I was just upset and bored and deleted them immediately.
Don't even get me started on the Sims. I will spend hours and hours building the perfect house and family and all their personalities and relationships... and then delete and start over. Or put the game down.
It's the same if I take a step back from a game and then come back months later. I have to start over and have a "fresh slate," which usually leads me into this infinite hell loop that is my time trying to play my favorite games.
Please tell me someone out there relates. It's so exhausting. I miss how games made me feel. They were such a good escape and now I can't get anywhere. I just get overwhelmed. | ADHD |
I'm 15 and I have a really bad OCD, but somehow yesterday night I just lost it and now it feels really weird, I don't have to give in to my urges and I don't have intrusive thoughts, will my OCD come back or something? | OCD |
I really enjoyed the novel *The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B* because it felt so validating. But when I started looking for more books like it to remedy my own issues with acceptance, I found something disturbing.
In general, there seem to be TWO kinds of novels focusing on characters with OCD:
1. A boy needs to get his symptoms under control to appear "normal" and win a girl, OR
2. A girl gets her symptoms under control with the help of a "normal" guy who knows "just what she needs" to "get better."
Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places, but I'm really, really tired of how narrow-minded these novels are. I don't want to read a happily-ever-after story about somebody getting control of their symptoms for the sake of love. I want to read the real-life, painful story of someone dealing with their issues-- for **themselves.** Does anyone know of a good novel focused on OCD that *doesn't* revolve around how someone needs to be *fixed*? Doesn't make it seem like a partner will solve all of your problems? Doesn't proclaim that people will only love you when you're "normal?" All I want is just an honest, vulnerable account of dealing with your own issues, little by little. Ideas? | OCD |
I try to have a healthy relationship with my stepmom, and when things are good it's okay.
But when she's...in a mood, I guess, she always seems to be able to say exactly the words that will hurt me the most.
I just went out to let her know her know that I made some fried rice and she could have some. She asked why I didn't make my dad food and I told her I was unwell today and in bed most of the time.
She told me that doesn't mean he's not hungry and I told her I had hardly seen him and he didn't say anything.
She said that he probably didn't say anything because he knew I wouldn't have done anything.
I can't help but think she wouldn't have dared say that when my mom was around.
When she triggers me like that I feel like hurting myself.... That everyone would be happier without me.
I can't leave right now, I don't make a lot of money. I'm moving in with my fiance in the next year or so. | ptsd |
When I have a day that is particularly hard to get things done (wake up, get ready, get to things on time, etc.). Is it normal to want to avoid people because I feel like a burden and well... dumb? I'll go to silly extravagant efforts to avoid almost everyone just because of this feeling.
Example: Today I didn't wake up from my alarm for work because my phone was dead, but instead of just getting ready and showing up late like a normal person would. I simply just didn't do anything. I knew my boss would call so I put my phone into airplane mode and sat on my phone in avoidance of my duties.
I hate when I do this and I don't understand why I do it.
Edit: The replies are making me feel so much better, thank you all. | ADHD |
Ok so, I have three types of OCD one being not right OCD. I trust that everyone knows what that means.
I really struggle with it and have been since I was around 4.
I LOVE some sports and wish I could play them but I can't because the body parts used are really bad such as my feet and pressure. But I found a sport that when I play I forget about it.
​
VOLLEYBALL! I am SOOOO happy and I absolutely LOVE volleyball with all my heart \^\^
Thought I would just say it on here since some of you might know the struggle. | OCD |
Does anyone here deal with both? Cause I'll try to do a compulsion with a migraine going on, and it's the worse shit. I also recently switched medications to sumtriptan, and idk how that's going to react with OCD (not yet medicated, since the phycologist I saw wasn't at Presbyterian which is my main hospital brand, they went the medication order to come from Presbyterian to not worry about insurance issues or something like that, idrk). | OCD |
Has anyone ever done ERP with Facebook. I always want to send friend requests or look at profiles.
I usually think the person hates me, and will be disgusted. Some I just can't think of any reason why we should be "friends" and why I want to send a request. | OCD |
I wanna be free of the visceral image and details. Anyone who's gotten over it have you forgotten the details? | OCD |
Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night and can’t shut your brain off? A few times a week I’ll wake up around 1am and can’t get back to sleep for hrs. Any tips or tricks to sleeping through the night? I’ve tried listening to white noise but that really doesn’t help. Is this even a ADHD thing? I was diagnosed when I was 5 so about 35 years ago. | ADHD |
My best friend whom I adore, struggles with ADHD. I am trying to learn as much as possible and I want to help as much as I can, but in the way that he needs.
I'd never want to change anything about him, but I want to hold his hand in the way that helps the most while he is figuring all of this out.
We've talked about it in a lot of detail, but I just wanted to see if you guys had anything that your significant other does (or doesn't do), that affects you, helps you, or makes things worse.
I'd like to know what you'd want most from your significant other/friend/partner that you feel would help.
I am open to any ideas and would love what to know what you guys think. Thank you so much for speaking with me, I appreciate it more than you all know. | ADHD |
Is it normal for my genitals to be sensitive after a severe trigger? I had a severe trigger awhile ago and everything is so sensitive, I have to apply lidocane just to wear clothes and it still bothers me? I just want to make sure I'm not stupid or crazy, im going to go to the doctor, as hard as it is, to rule out physical issues. Thank you for any help you can offer. | ptsd |
Have gotten this book recommended to me as a book to help with handling OCD and I just started reading it. Has anyone else here read it and has it helped you on your journey in any way? | OCD |
I've always wondered if others also smells made up things when triggered, and what smells you smell?
So far I've smelled: Tobaco snuff, urine, and meat loaf. | ptsd |
Hi all, I'm new here and kind of looking for some support or people who understand where Im coming from. I have constant thoughts of anguish and regret for many things in my life, such as relationships. I always think Im going to wake up and have some chronic disease thats going to make my life miserable. A couple of recent things that have made me really anxious is all the people who I thought were my friends, were discussing kicking me out and replacing me in our apartment with one of their friends which has really kinda left me by myself stuck in thought. Im not really stressed or freaking out about whats going in my life right now, its more like these constant thoughts are sending me into a deep depression that Im finding hard to dig myself out of and find a positive drive in life to fuel me, you know what I mean? Just a rant from a college student, so let me know if you guys feel the same or have been through it. | OCD |
Hi everyone. So this happened recently, and I'm wondering if I'm the bad guy or not. My niece is staying at my house til sunday, and tonight she started crying, almost screaming loudly. It was a little irritating, not gonna lie. I asked my mom to close the door, but she didn't hear me, so I asked a second time, and she got upset with me for asking her to close to the door. "The baby's not in the back bedroom, the baby's in the living room" She said it in a kind of annoyed tone. The baby was in the back bedroom, but it walked into the living room as I asked her. Sorry I can't stand crying babies, mom. What do you guys think? | aspergers |
I was first diagnosed with ADHD in high school, but depression/anxiety took center stage and so it was never treated. ADHD runs in my family and I've shown executive dysfunction and other classic ADHD symptoms my entire life, but because my sister who has ADHD presents differently, I was (unintentionally) gaslit by my family, who could not see how I had ADHD when I was so different than my sister. I'm 25 now and the past 6-9 months I've struggled SO much to focus. It's really hard to tell which of this is more ADHD v depression/anxiety, but for me the biggest change is I used to be able to focus and excel at work even when the rest of my life is a mess. Now even at work it just feels like my brain won't work - it takes me so long to read over basic things. I get brief moments of clarity (1 min, 3 mins) amidst entire days of fog, confusion, frustration, inability to focus or be productive. Is this ADHD manifesting in a new or stronger way for me? If so, why? Why would it suddenly get so much worse now? Would very much appreciate advice, empathy, and support. | ADHD |
Ive been on my meds for almost 2 weeks, and it's been going great (minus a slight dose adjustment). However on the mornings before I take my meds, I'm now completely unable to cope with sounds/talking/touching. It makes me so anxious and even angry. I still nurse my daughter and my husband likes to talk before I finish my coffee. Is this normal? Likey brain is just less used to being overwhelmed? I usually take my meds between 9-10 so that I can get through the majority of my day and night time routine but I wake up at 5ish, so that's 4-5hours of everything just being overwhelming.
Does this happen to anyone else? Is it "normal"? | ADHD |
I literally go to work procrastinate other responsibilities, watch YouTube, eat, sleep and repeat. I have no talents or hobbies, no interesting stories, I can be funny from time to time but it's always short lived. But those moments where I'm funny people think I'm interesting but I'm not, and to not look like a loser I don't entertain the conservation or I act like I'm not interested in doing whatever everyone else is doing (which is actually true sometimes).
I'm just not that guy, and I don't necessarily want to go through the work to be that guy, but at the same time I have no real friendships because I'm not interesting.
Idk man it's just depressing, yes it's okay to be alone if it's by choice, but if you have no one to call, life just gets dull after a while. | depression |
Let me first mention that she isnt clinically diagnosed as "depressed", but she fits every symptom of it according to my observations of her, and i couldnt find a better place to ask advice from.
I have never really been depressed in all of my life, or felt as terrible as she does, and the 6 year age gap between us just makes me worry i cant emphatize with her properly. (I am 14 and she is 20.)
We have been friends for around 2 years. Recently her life has been going pretty badly so she feels way worse than she did before. She already had severe self confidence issues, and they just keep getting worse as of now. She is amazing at writing, but she never likes what she creates now, which makes me sad because in my eyes her works are beyond awesome. I keep telling her that but she just wont listen to me and keeps calling herself bad.
She also stays up a lot too, which worries me because she has lots of work to do already. She needs proper sleep to do them. I first kind of forced sleeping on her, but then I realized that is both mean and wont work, so stopped.
She is kind of forgetful (which i think might be caused from her lack of sleep and depression brain fog), and every time she forgets something she starts insulting and blaming herself over and over again.
I tried to do everything in my power to revert that, such as drawing things she likes and characters from her novel, spending hours praising her (only for her to either reply no u or deny it), and spent almost all of my time with her for the last few months.
I dont really know what should i do anymore, or if i should do anything at all. I have my issues too, like becoming passive aggressive with her to make her accept that she is way better than what she thinks of herself. I stop it and apologize the moment i notice it, but apologies do not turn back time, and that aggressiveness might have just hurt her.
What should I do in this situation? | depression |
Does anyone else feel like you're constantly failing the expectations of people without ADHD because you can't function like they do? My roommates were saying how they always clean immediately after doing things like cooking but I get so overwhelmed by it that I can't do it immediately after and I don't know how to communicate it's not something I do by choice without it sounding like an excuse | ADHD |
title is self explanatory. i bought plane tickets to see my best friend and the tickets were in USD not CAD (hi in canada) and spent more than i bargained for. ended up digging myself into a hole i cant exactly get myself out of and im so angry that i did this. i was hasty and i literally could have had help with it but NOPE i wanted to do it myself and i fucked it up. also just a general question, do i need a credit card for the hotel or can i just use my debit card? because my parents refuse to let me use theird because im so fucking impulsive that im too much of a liability with them to use it as third party. i hate so much that my ADHD causes me to be so goddamn impulsive that i never ever think before i do anything. does anyone have any tips to be less impulsive with money because i am at such a loss at this point. | ADHD |
See Imgur links below for explanations about "the ball"!
"ADHD Ball": [Td76vb3.jpg (1040×864) (imgur.com)](https://i.imgur.com/Td76vb3.jpg)
"Depression Ball": [mmLenHK.jpg (1040×864) (imgur.com)](https://i.imgur.com/mmLenHK.jpg)
Context below!
\-------------------------
Hey everyone. Please let me preface this by saying that I am undiagnosed, but have scored highly on my initial pre-diagnostic assessment questionnaire with a diagnostic session to follow and feel like ADHD finally explains a lot of my struggles both in childhood and coming into adulthood. I'm also being assessed for ASD.
I've just had a discussion with my therapist and we touched on how I said that I struggle to do things that I enjoy on my pre-appointment questionnaire. I clarified that it feels more like an inability to act (or to build the motivation) and that if I succeed I have no problems feeling pleasure or enjoyment in the things I do, but I also fail to motivate myself just as much as I succeed and so that's why I answered the question how I did.
She said that she feels that it sounds like depression (she is *not* trained in ADHD, please bear in mind) because my inaction may be caused by a lack of desire to act in the first place, which I don't believe to be true.
I've been looking into Dopamine's affect on the brain and motivation and whilst it isn't the sole proponent of ADHD, I feel that it chemically manifests in this way that I struggle to do the things that I want to (or need and easily can) do.
So my Fiancée asked how the session went and without even thinking I began to describe the difference like so, and I would like to know if this feels familiar to anyone else in this sub? At the very least it will help me to understand if I'm misattributing my troubles or if I'm right on the money.
​
>Fiancee: How did therapy go love??
>
>Me: I just finished
>
>Me: ehhh, it's I think a bit like hitting my head against a wall sometimes
>
>Me: There's a whole minefield that I could cover but to try to boil things down we covered the topic of why I need to mentally prepare myself for every single thing that I do, and she thinks it's linked to depression but it feels different for me
>
>Me: Depression is the thing that I feel when I feel like I can't keep control of a situation, but it isn't a chronic thing that I'm dealing with daily
>
>Me: Honestly the thing that I'm struggling with is building up the motivation to do the simplest, easiest things that I WANT to do. It's subtle but it is different
>
>Me: Like paying bills even though I have the means to do so, or genuinely, actively wanting to do a thing but not being able to make my body move to do it
>
>Me: For all the enjoyment that I get out of my videos, it still takes me hours to motivate myself to do them even though I know I'll enjoy doing it
>
>Me: Here, it's like this stupid dumb diagram: [Td76vb3.jpg (1040×864) (imgur.com)](https://i.imgur.com/Td76vb3.jpg)
>
>Me: My motivation is that ball stuck in the dip - I need to get it over that small bump first, but as soon as I'm able to the ball will roll itself down that hill and have a blast doing it
>
>Me: I often struggle to get the ball over that first hump though - And it can be for things like making an appointment, playing a game, editing a video, even sometimes asking you if you want to do something enjoyable with me
>
>Me: Everything I do is that ball and that small fucking hump that it needs to get over before going down the hill
>
>Me: Whereas depression for me has always felt like this: [mmLenHK.jpg (1040×864) (imgur.com)](https://i.imgur.com/mmLenHK.jpg). You know that the ball needs to reach the top of the hill but it's uphill the whole way, you don't want to do it and you're going to struggle to get it to go uphill the entire time
>
>Me: Even if that ball is something you love, you just have no desire to force yourself to get it to climb that hill because you aren't going to enjoy it, even after you've overcome that hill
>
>Me: I want to get my ball downhill and just need help giving it a bit of a push but I'm worried that I'm only ever going to continuously receive help for an arduous uphill climb
Thanks everyone | ADHD |
I have tried distractions and they are not helping. This fixation is ruining my relationship and I end up being too smothering and it seems to be pushing my SO away. I focus too much on in between the line details and ask too much for clarification. I am very tired and can't drop this habit, help? I feel like my SO is avoiding me now and it's like a cycle that I cannot stop worrying about. | ADHD |
Every year at this time I'm a knot of anxiety because although I worked my ass into the ground for this company, I didn't complete the couple of actual objectives on my list because for some reason I absolutely will not work on my actual objectives. I am a high performer and self directed. I spot things that need to be done and I do them. But, I'm paralyzed when it comes to doing what I agreed to do at the start of the year. I know they are on the list, but all year long I procrastinate and work on other things that I find interesting. I get accolades from my colleagues for doing the other things, but when it comes time for the official measurement of my performance (the two objectives), then things go to shit. It's embarrassing, actually, and it's not even about the bonus money and pay increase that's attached to them. I will once again have to face my manager and dance around why I didn't get them done, but I will definitely focus on what I DID get done.
What makes it worse is that this year my manager never even reviewed the objectives I created, so they are my own creation. I didn't start on them partially because he never reviewed them with me, and every single year he changes the objectives I submitted, so I figured why start if they won't even be the official objectives. That is all. | ADHD |
I've tried, in my naïve aspie way a few ways to get a Girlfriend (or boyfriend, I'm bisexual). Right before COVID broke out I got on Tindr and started matching with people. I noticed I got way more guys than girls and I matched with a few guys and hit it off with a few but then COVID hit and no one wanted to meet in person anymore (I want to get laid). In person I have actually asked one guy out but I got rejected and I was really sad but I kept it from my friends so I wouldn't ruin the relationship and we're still friends to this day.
Despite this I have never once asked a girl out. I have matched with very few girls on Tindr. I do have that I have aspergers in my bio which I hesitated to put in at first but I read somewhere that it's better to be upfront about it when dating.
There are girls I like in person but I've either waited too long to ask them out or never asked them out and they've gone out of my life as people tend to do with the passage of time. I got close to asking one girl out. I was building a very strong relationship for a few months from January to like April or May. I was gonna ask her to prom but a nearby high school was having their prom a week earlier and someone from her work asked her and I lost my chance.
It feels like I need to anchor asking someone out in person to an event coming up. The one guy I asked in person I had asked to go to homecoming. He was awkward like me which I found cute but it also meant no one else was pursuing him and he didn't have a girlfriend (I learned before I asked him that he was bisexual).
I feel like having a deadline forces my hand and actually makes me ask. In junior high school when we were told we'd be dancing and need to find a partner I wasted no time finding a girl (didn't know I was bi yet). Now this didn't mean anything serious but still.
I feel like the deadline gives me structure. I need structure in such a subjective and free flowing event as asking someone out. I also like building a relationship with someone before asking them out. I want to know how to make them happy and I feel like I'm playing with a stronger hand when I ask them out if I've spent time getting to know them and making them happy to be around me.
I don't know it's just scary and I'm poorly self motivated. | aspergers |
I always seem to come off as annoying rather than weird (not because I talk much but because I usually prolong subjects or talk in a weird way or worry too much about things).
But I'm usually quiet just because I know I'm usually annoying and people dislike me for not conforming to socializing norms.
If however people like me, it's especially for my quirks (rarely happens).
How do people view you? As annoying, weird (neutral) or weird in a good way (enticing / interesting) ? | aspergers |
I am 29 years old currently doing a master's program in a foreign country (Germany). I've never studied in my whole life and just got through engineering school studying 5-10 hours before my exams.
Now the "magic" isn't working anymore I've sunk to a low so low that I can't even convince myself to start studying before the exam or doing normal activities like cooking (I haven't cooked a single meal during December) or anything else.
I've been twice to a psychiatrist but she wouldn't test me for ADHD, instead, she recommended another clinic that has tests available just in July (and prescribed me some anti-depressives which didn't help at all). I've called all the other psychiatrists in the city and the earliest available is on the 27th of May.
I can't wait this long, guys until then two semesters would have passed (I've planned to finish the master's until August 2022, but now I had to push it back to March 2023) and I don't have enough money to stay that much longer here.
Guys, I am really desperate any of you know anything that can help with this "fear of starting" that I am having and something that I can apply right now so I don't fail my master's program? I am already seeing a psychologist by the way but no progress on that front so far.
I am really thankful for any input you can give me!
PS.: I do have several other symptoms of ADHD so that's why I am posting this here even before the diagnosis | ADHD |
Was caught in a web of my compulsions. I woke up today in the wrong "way". Meaning my first thought was impure. That means I cant do anything today that I havent done exactly the same way before. So basically I just lay down and watch youtube the entire day waiting for a new chance tommorow to do things I want to, finish projects long overdue.
I bought a motorcycle a while back. And used gloves the wrong way the first time I rode it. So I couldnt use gloves, while riding in freezing weather ever again.
I bought expensive batteries yesterday for my tools. Had to send them back because I touched them wrong the first time I touched them.
...
​
I said enough is enough. Been going through this for 12 years now atleast, or maybe more.
I was afraid of this day. But said screw it, its time to begin living life again.
Been fighting all of my compulsions. And honestly, it is not easy. But here I am, nothing bad has happened. I feel agitated and stressed. Like my mind is going overdrive. But I sit here steadfast.
I have magical "what if" scenarios in my head. I told myself that "what if" when I do my compulsions, the compulsions will actually cause the bad thing to happen instead of preventing it? This thought has helped me. I fight paranoia with paranoia.
I tell my magical thinking "whatever" and continue on grinding my teeth.
It flares up on some occasions today, and lessened on others.
I remember when I had a obsessive thought about self mutilation. I fought it successfully by forcing myself to think about it instead of running away. It worked. The only time I won a certain rumination. Zoloft also is helping.
Well now its time for me to fight the compulsions. And here I am. And truth be told. Its not as bad as I expected. Its bad. But not as bad. I feel like a path is opening to normalcy, on a psychological level. Im training my brain. Creating the much needed neural connections even if it hurts, a lot.
I have stood up against insanely scary things in my life and had moments of intense self control. I have had guns pointed at me, I have had knives to my throat and continued fighting, I have fought for survival with screwdrivers, attacked evil people while blinded by pepperspray and I have beat drugs. But no bravery or self control even then, was able to face this OCD demon. They were still not as scary as this OCD. But today im going to change that. So here I am.
​
Update: Still going strong almost a month later. Its feels so weird to be free of ocd. Like as if it never existed in the first place. It was about 3x less hard than I assumed it was going to be. I believe zoloft has been a great help.
​ | OCD |
My brain will jump through hoops to make almost everything my fault or about me in some way. Even the things clearly out of my control. Then come the thoughts that I’m a terrible person, immoral, everyone is judging me, etc. Then comes the anxiety and panicking. Its really exhausting existing like this. Does anyone else’s OCD do this too? Is it even OCD or just me being a sensitive person? | OCD |
Hope everyone has a good day and remembers that OCD is a bully and a liar.
No matter what it says, you will always be worthy of forgiveness and are allowed to make mistakes.
It's ok be kinder to "you".
That will never change. | OCD |
I recently became obsessed with twilight even tho I hated it at first. But now I love it so much that after finishing a twilight movie or a book I feel so much envy, and I feel empty because I know that there will be no blood sucking vampire that can protect me in my life. I know it sounds funny but I even cried AND felt sad after finishing a book for like 3 days!! Like super super sad. But I also don’t want to remove twilight from my life because when I’m in the moment of reading the book or watching the movie it makes me so happy. Help? Does this feeling go away after a while? I ordered the second book and now I didn’t know what I got myself into . | depression |
Hi everyone,
I wanted to first off thank you all for being so open about your experience with OCD and the community you provide. I'm new so please be patient with me.
My partner of 4 years is struggling with untreated OCD, it definitely stems from work stress and his personal health, he suffers from severe sleep deprivation.
I am wanting to know how I can support him. He has a ritual of locking up at night before bed, it is a very delicate process because it hinges on him getting to bed soon enough to try and get some sleep. There have been a few cases now where I have not been able to accommodate this schedule and it usually leads to a sleepless night.
He does not feel that talk therapy would assist him because he can't buy into it (because of his intelligence, trying to not make him sound snobbish-he isn't) and he also has hypothyroidism, also he often experiences several side effects from any given medication so those are the additional concerns.
He uses some mild CBT at-home techniques but frankly I have seen his OCD worsen over the course of a year.
We very openly communicate and I have expressed my concerns for his health and how this may unintentionally pose dilemmas for our relationship. I'm doing what I can not to enable and I never shame or blame.
Please, I'll take any suggestions. Thank you! | OCD |
I think I need to tell my therapist about real event intrusive thoughts but I don't know if I can bring myself to. I think what I did was pretty bad and I am worried they are going to have to tell someone what happened and then I am worried I will be taken from my family, but idk if this is overthinking. It is about something(s) I did when I was around ten or under and they were of a sexual nature. | OCD |
I find myself at times forgetting the day, and remembering really specific things in my childhood I blocked out. Like my babysitter who would lock me in a room so she wouldn’t have to deal with me. And the memories from foster care. It’s just nerve wracking to be thrown back into feeling all over a smell or something small. I want to forget. | ptsd |
What can I do before it takes over again? I cant deal with it again, im so scared | OCD |
is your ocd worse at school? i wake up in the morning and absolutely fucking hate the thought that i can’t be home for the next 6 hours. i feel so uncomfortable there, the ocd won’t leave me alone. but when i’m literally anywhere else it doesn’t bother me as much. especially when I’m exercising; the thoughts don’t bother me at all (they’re not there), but when they enter i can focus my attention on something else so fast and they’re gone again. at home they pop in, not as much. i feel safe there that’s why i don’t care what they say. | OCD |
When Facebook and Co., my work's servers, my shop'll tills and cash machine, my Internet provider and my local GP's servers all went down today, I was f*cking on it.
I started to mentally prepare for all sorts. what dvds should we dust off the shelves, where's the closest place I could withdraw cash that's might not be effected?
This is my brain at its best. I mentally check off things I need to consider with my amazing prioritising skills that only show up in moments like this and I know my own limits in that moment. And I like to think I'm usually really measured and know how to choose my battles when I need to confront someone, like a customer services.
When all the smaller energy suppliers went bust recently, I was more bothered by the fact that all their online services f*cking crashed than I was that our bills were probay going to double, because I didn't have access to the information I needed to know if it was something I needed to, or even could, do something about. I can't do anything about getting charged more for my bills, but when we found out which providers we're now with, I could now make a budget because we're back with a provider we were with before, so I roughly know how much it costs and I know what their customer services are like (sh*t, but I know how to talk to them because I used to work in customer services).
Covid was great at first, but got sh*t very quickly when we all realised that literally no one could do a single thing about anything. I was either at work fearing for the safety of my highly vulnerable wife, or at home staring at the clock on my work laptop.
My job is to give career advice to clients. I get to manage most of my meetings in my own diary and I really enjoy talking to clients, getting to know them and helping them with finding work. It's literally everything else about the job I can't stand 😂 I'm making good strides in changing as much as possible to help with my ADHD, but I'm worried that well will dry out pretty quickly.
As I learn more about my ADHD, hence this post, I'm wondering what other work might be better for me. I've thought about more manual/physical work, but that's an entirely different world to what I'm used to: I like the office environment and I like the 9-5. Also, everyone hates something about their job, so I'm worried I'll always feel like this no matter what. I love chaos, and you literally cannot rely on chaos 😂 | ADHD |
Earlier today, I triggered myself while watching a movie that involved how others deal with the aftermath of a bad car accident. I'm still in my danger time of five weeks before and after the anniversary, and the best way to get back to normal-ish is to share it with others. So it you don't mind sticking around for it, I'll be about it then. But I'll only tell the front half. Things aren't bad enough for me to force myself to face the whole truth, so there is one very big lie here. I know what the lie is, but it still works as a stopgap measure to reduce the pain I deal with. I will bold it so that I'm at least honest here about where the lie is, because the truth is even harder to deal with unless I absolutely have to. So I apologize in advance for that, and I will stop my recall of the event itself there to instead talk about the aftermath.
I was happy once. Deliriously happy. I was dating an amazing woman who matched me enough that we were finishing each other's sentences within three weeks of meeting, but different enough that we approached things in ways that the other found weird but amazingly effective. Even better, she was the first person I had dated in 8 years that my cat did not hate at first sight. And when I learned that she was pregnant, I proposed without hesitation or regret. Even though I wasn't quite ready yet, it wasn't anything that I hadn't already thought about. And when we learned that we were having a girl, Kari immediately agreed to follow my family's tradition of sharing the names of well-loved dead relatives and call her Jana after my favorite aunt.
For the first time ever, I was looking forward to my future. I was planning with anticipation rather than reacting. I had something to look forward to, and two people that I was going to love for the rest of my life. Hadn't met the second one yet, though. But with them by my side, I could handle anything.
A few days before Halloween, I was getting ready to finish closing up the store when my cell rang with her ringtone. It wasn't my fiancee. It was the state troopers, calling via the ICE number to tell me that there was an accident. A bad accident, run into a freeway bridge support by a suspected drunk driver. I wasn't tracking anything anymore as of that moment. My employee took control, just left everything as it was in mid-closing, left a note for the morning supervisor explaining what was going on, and drove me straight to the hospital that the airlift took them to, the only trauma center major enough to even have a chance.
Once I got to the hospital, I learned how bad things were. So many known injuries, plenty of signs of unknown injuries, and the only reason they were still alive was that old Volvo of hers. High chance we would lose the baby regardless of how hard they tried. Slightly less high chance that I would lose them both, but still well over the 50/50 mark. The staff were treating me with kid gloves, making sure that they were ready to catch me when I fell apart to the point even calling in the chaplain ahead of time. I was only capable of doing one constructive thing, and that was calling her parents to let them know.
Somehow, against all odds, they pulled through. 12 hour surgery to keep them alive. Spleen and half a liver removed, heavy kidney damage, and enough ongoing internal bleeding to require another surgery to finish patching them up, but they were alive. They were in the ICU for three days and then downgraded to serious for a couple of days, and then held for additional observation for an another three days. They did everything right, and made as certain as possible that they both were in as good of health as to be expected when they rolled out the door. That night was the first time I slept well in over a week, because my ladies were back and we were going to be just fine.
That was also the last night I would sleep well for months.
I woke up early that morning. I almost never wake up early, but I knew something was wrong. It took me far too long to realize what it was: my fingers were sticking together for some reason. I turned on the light to get a better idea to what was going on. And I still wish I hadn't, for that is what I see when I close my eyes. I was in a pool of blood, my front covered in it. The woman who had just come back to me against all odds was bleeding out, and I couldn't tell where it was coming from.
I'm sure that the ambulance got there faster than it seemed. I was too busy holding in the screams, trying to wake Kari up, making sure that anything she heard was me telling her that I loved her, and listening for the sirens. I could do nothing else. Nothing.
There was a weakened blood vessel in her placenta. It had ruptured overnight. Kari had nightmares about the accident when she was in the hospital, so the theory is that a nightmare caused her pressure to spike and thereby caused the hemorrhage. Our daughter was dead on arrival. **Kari died shortly after.**
I was non-functional from that moment on. Didn't so much quit my job as flat out not leave the couch. Diet was usually limited to Xanax with a vodka chaser, the breakfast of shut up and let me die slowly. Weeks went by, where the only effort I was able to put in was to clean up the blood. At least I wasn't surrounded by the blood in reality, though every time I closed my eyes I still saw it everywhere. And on my hands. Always on my hands. Whenever I am stressed, anxious, or just not having a good day, my fingers start to feel like they are sticking together just like in that day.
It took my father to get me out of my downward spiral. Not in a way of encouragement, but because his health started to deteriorate. I moved back home, away from the walls that never again looked white to me. I stopped abusing Xanax, but I became codependent on my father instead. I needed to be needed, and I took care of him until he came down with a MRSA infection that turned his blood septic. After that, it was my stepmother that needed me, as she went blind as well as descended into dementia shortly after dad's death. Again, it was codependency. I needed to be needed. After she died of old age, I was loose with no anchor. I didn't have anyone there to make me feel needed, and the blood was starting to come back. That's when the self abuse began again, only this time it was physical.
Until another person came into my life. When I looked at her, I suddenly didn't see the blood any more. I hoped that this would be the way to keep my brain from showing the horror over and over again. Yet it was not to be. I was not in a happy relationship, but an emotionally abusive and manipulative one. I needed to feel needed. It took me months to realize what was going on, my hands always feeling the blood, and I was only able to escape via a suicide attempt and hospitalization. Which, by the way, she called unnecessary drama when she threw me out. A short stint of homelessness, and a friend has offered me couch space over the last three months while I have gotten my brain back into some semblance of order.
I'm not healthy. At all. But now I am forcing myself to look at things honestly. Forcing myself to deal with the trauma of that early November morning, and stop running away from what I need. I'm trying to be in a healthy relationship with myself for the first time in 9 years. It isn't easy. At all. I've never been one to look fondly at myself, but everything that has happened since the accident has dropped my already low self-esteem even further. But I'm trying. One step at a time, I'm trying.
On days like this when the blood comes, it gets harder. But I don't want to give up anymore. I want to become better. If only because I can't get much worse and expect to survive. And my daughter wouldn't want that to happen. | ptsd |
I got tired of having a headache for no gain with the 10mg pill, so I took two one morning. Figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference since the manufacturer says that 30 mg is the recommended starting dose for ADHD. I didn’t notice much of a difference throughout the day but as it started to wear off my headache got really bad. (I didn’t eat that well that day and didn’t drink enough water, so that’s on me.) I barely slept. It was only around 8 AM the next day and then I started to feel better. Just curious if I would’ve had the same reaction with one 20 mg pill or if you’re not supposed to take two of any dose for other reasons. | ADHD |
Last month my psychiatrist and i tried to see if i could see further benefit from increasing slow-release methylphenidate from 90 mg to 108 mg. I was happy with 90, but i was curious to see if i could get more out of 108.
I saw my psychiatrist today, where we mainly talked about negative side effects, not really anything positive. I don't think I've felt an increase in energy, concentration or ability to get an overview. She asked if my nausea problem started in relation to starting on meds 6 months ago. And i realised it did.
Then i thought about how I've felt the last month. I've been super prone to stress and anxiety and burnout. More so than usual. I've been nauseous around food a lot and my heart has been racing, in the same manner as the startup phase of a new dose, just to a lesser degree. It's been affecting me a lot, i just attributed it to outside factors and didn't think it could be the meds. So now we decided to first scale down to 90 mg for a week or two and then 72 if the nausea problem persisted.
Have any of you experienced something similar? I'm just trying to seek some sort of shared experience and what happened when you decreased your dosage.
Love
AndHowIndeed | ADHD |
I've had the "graduation" talk with my therapist recently, where she mentioned that I've been doing well enough for long enough that I may not need to see her anymore. But the truth is that I honestly just want to stop going because I'm starting to think it's a waste of time. I don't really have much to talk about anymore, I consider my PTSD pretty handled and my psychiatrist is working well with me for meds for the ADHD. I still struggle with emotional regulation but I don't know if she's ever given me a good suggestion for that. In our sessions a lot of the time we end up taking about nothing relevant, or just sitting in silence. It's honestly frustrating. But at the same time I feel bad telling her I want to stop. It's probably crossing a line for her to tell me this much about her personal life, but she has a lot of health problems and is practically destitute. I feel like if I leave, if I stop paying her it will put her in a hard position. I hold no illusions that she'll be hurt by my leaving, and my payments are the one thing keeping her afloat, I know I'm not that important, but I also know she's in a rough spot.
It's sort of the antithesis of therapy to feel like you need to be there for your therapist. I do think I'd do better with someone else on my remaining issues, but she's the only option in reasonable distance. I don't know how to feel about this, or what to do. I want to stop going, but I know there's still things I need help with, but don't know where else to find it, and inadequate care is better than no care, maybe. | ADHD |
Edited 9/24/2021:
I just want to say, thank you guys. You guys came together and shared with me numerous different perspectives.
All of them are equally valid in one way or the other. Today I am going through an up, and I cannot predict what downs tomorrow might bring.
Yet, through all of these ups and downs I can always come back here and look at the vast amounts of perspectives I've gotten from people who evidently care about rather I exist or not.
I know it's not apparent, but you guys are contributing to the inner dialogue I walk with through life that when fully equipped, will push me to live.
**Thank you guys, for saving my life.**
Original post:
Everyday is a new up and down.
Today I've been feeling empty...
I've spent my whole life just trying to have a stable week…two weeks…month….
I'm constantly burning out…. one day I'm stable the next day I am not...
I'm losing the will to fight this battle :( | aspergers |
I can't do it. It always just comes back to "I just feel bad all the time". Everything else is just rationalisation of negative emotional response to things. I keep expecting to have some sort of epiphany where I realise that there's some distinct nexus to my constant suffering, or that there ISN'T, and suddenly it just stops. I'm just in pain all the time. I keep being told to do this and that and that it's my fault for not caring for myself properly or indulging negative habits. And maybe that's true, which is even worse because I can't break those habits any more than I can my perception of the colour blue.
Nothing feels good, nothing seems to be able to break the perpetual aching greyness of it all. I feel incapable of escaping myself. | ADHD |
I was told to go unmedicated so I could eat thanksgiving dinner, and I did. I was there for 3 hours before I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to leave. I didn’t know half the people there and the people I did know were occupied, I have 0 interest in football, and I think alcohol is fucking nasty so I had nothing to do. After 3 hours I finally tap out and go home. Apparently im an asshole for not faking a fun time during thanksgiving, but it’s perfectly fine to drag me to family functions knowing full well I’ll hate every second of it. How do you guys deal with these awful gatherings of people you don’t care about cuz you only see them on thanksgiving? | ADHD |
I consider myself to be autistic, (self-diagnosed but all the signs are there) and I have also been suffering from OCD for years. I have a certain pattern of negative and disturbing thoughts that show up at certain times of the day. A daily habit list has helped me be more productive, but sometimes it can feed the OCD beast as well. Sometimes I can't sleep until I finish the list, even at 3 AM. Right now I'm unemployed and working on a few creative projects...I let go of the habit list for a couple weeks but am now trying to get back on track in a healthy way. Daily habits are key to my success, even though some activities trigger disturbing ruminations and bad memories.
I can sometimes find joy and accomplishment by getting into "the zone," hyper-focusing for hours at a time, but it's exhausting and not sustainable long-term. I neglect basic care when I hyperfocus too much.
Today, I listened to a bunch of sea shanties on YouTube and tiktok. "The Wellerman" ended up on repeat for a couple hours, and I even jammed along on my instrument for a while. I was rather productive, and got through my habit list without having a lot of ruminative thoughts: specifically, it helped with the less intellectual, non-"zone" habits like cleaning. I even saved enough time and energy to enjoy a two hour movie rather than ruminate.
It feels like a cool life hack, but it also weirds me out a little. Is this genre actually putting me in a different, more productive mental state, or is it just another OCD compulsion that could backfire later?
I know I'm talking a lot about OCD in an Aspergers sub, but the two conditions are often comorbid, and I'm interested in perspectives from people who are familiar with hyperfocusing. I'm open to a broad discussion...anything about your experiences as an autistic person relating to sea shanties, hyperfocus, or OCD.
Couple questions to get started:
Where do you draw the line between hyperfocus and compulsive behavior?
Have you found any timer systems such as Pomodoro to be helpful?
What do you make of this new sea shanty trend? Does it speak to your soul in any particular way? | aspergers |
English isnt my first language so bear with me. I cant abstain from my phone for more than 5 minutes while studying, i already got screwed for my first exam and the module final is this Thursday and I cant avoid my phone for long, U need an app that I can interact with while I'm attending my lectures, solving questions, or just studying, something like a touch count or anything similar that wont require my attention but at the same time keeps my left hand busy while i study with my right | ADHD |
These past two years has completely beat the shit out of me. I'm on 50mg of zoloft with no health insurance. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for over 10 years. Live with my partner who is also mentally unwell and trying to get help. I'm on my period right now and genuinely just want to not live anymore. Nothing feels good. I'm broke with a bad credit score. No hobbies. I want to be happy so bad but it feels so impossible. I just want to get help. I just feel so lost and I want to implode. I recreationally do coke cause it helps me to feel something but don't drink. I smoke weed sometimes. I don't know what to do.
My biggest fear is that I get to a place where I'm self sufficient and successful but I'm still miserable.
I have a lot to be thankful for but I'm just so tired. So tired.
Help | depression |
Hi, I was wondering how people on this sub decide whether to take risks.
When making any choice there is a potential risk involved no matter how small. For example, riding your bike to the shop could result in being run over, and going to the gym can result in injuries. These are relatively normal risks to think about, however, as I think everyone on this sub knows, that's not where our brains stop.
As people with OCD we can start worrying about eating metal that was hidden inside of an apple or something even more unlikely.
I think that when a person decides whether to take a risk or not they are weighing up the potential costs with the potential benefits. Both of these sides of the scale are unknowable, we can't know for certain whether opening a can of coke will actually result 100% in us drinking coke because we are not omniscient, but you can have a fairly good understanding of the likelihood of that outcome.
Please tell me what you guys think, how have you dealt with this problem, or how do you deal with this problem?
Thanks for reading! | OCD |
**(Tw: mass violence, suicide, sexual violence, self-harm)**
Years ago, I was out of touch with reality and spent most of high school wanting to commit a school shooting and then kill myself (nightmare scenario of untreated CPTSD is why, in case you're wondering). I expected that to happen once I got ahold of a firearm, which I of course did not, as I'm still here.
Anyway, spending day in and day out expecting to perpetrate the death of myself and others has come back to bite my mental health. I'd even call that period trauma. I'm experiencing what I strongly suspect are PTSD symptoms from it, and have been for months, at least. It's been flairing up lately:
* I often start crying or almost crying at thinking about it, regardless of context.
* Related things (like songs, smells, or items of clothing) immediately make me feel like I'm right back at the trauma. Sometimes, the world around me around me leaves my consciousness, and all I can think of is being back, feeling the same things again. It's like being possessed, or something. My eyes open and move to stare in front of me when this happens, and I'm in no control of it.
* Avoiding things that remind me of it, or at least feeling a pressing need to.
* My brain shuts it down when I remember or just think of something related to it. It's an interruption of sorts, or like hitting a wall.
* Breathing issues and body memories.
* Concentration issues because I can't think stop thinking about it.
* Released memories that come out of nowhere and feel disruptive. I then start doubting if they really happened.
* General and amnesic or intense and panicky sense of denial.
* Feeling like I'm lying to myself, and it didn't really happen / I was just edgy / I just want attention, even though I know my experiences were real.
* Memory fragmentation, sometimes frustrating.
* Sleep disturbances when I'm up, obsessing over what happened and if it really did happen.
* Moral injury, in forms of shame, guilt, and tendencies to self-harm.
* Rumination, and telling myself cruel things because what kind of monster shoots up a school? It's disordered self-hatred, but it's still haunting.
* Moments of clarity, where I just know my trauma happened. Sometimes connected to a flashback, sometimes not.
* Feelings of distraught helplessness.
And I could go on. I'm not asking you to diagnose me, I'm just sharing why I'm so convinced this is PTSD *something*.
Anyway, it's difficult to prove anything happened, beyond what I remember (since I wasn't unstrategic enough to tell anyone what I was planning). This, and the fact I'm autistic, is the reasoning a psychologist gave me for dismissing it as PTSD. I described my problems, as well as gave him both my lists of them, and he wrote them off as autism symptoms (basically, they're apparently autistic rumination, and it's autism causing the memory fragmentation). I spent the session feeling unheard, even though I explained things multiple times and corrected him when needed. His notes are both inaccurate and missing much of what I said. For example, there's nothing about needing to see someone about my experiences, even though I said so myself.
This happened a while ago, but I'm still so angry about it, and I've been angry since the session ended. I was thinking about going to some bad area and getting raped, so I could have some PTSD to report, and it wouldn't be dismissed. Luckily, I knew that was irrational thinking.
Oh, and there's a third reason he didn't consider PTSD: I didn't "exhibit enough symptoms" for any PTSD diagnosis. (I'd say I did, he just wasn't taking me seriously. Even then, there's partial PTSD.) So, he concluded it's the autism, which I know because he wrote just that. I've never heard of a clinician not noticing enough symptoms of something, and then deciding it's a different disorder because of that. So frustrating.
Being silenced, ignored, or told I don't know what I'm talking about are huge CPTSD triggers for me, as are authority figures. This really hurt, and I'm mad about it daily. I'm mad I need to cope with my experiences on my own, too.
Fortunately for me, though, I have done some healing on my own. Self-compassion and some light exposure therapy has been good. I'm just angry and afraid of seeking help a second time. | ptsd |
Good afternoon, I wanted to ask if this can relate to depression. I (M22) feel like my life is already over. I do not see prospects and I do not want to do anything. The only place where I worked and work now is McDonald's. My higher education did not give me anything at all and I am not able to do anything. My relationship with my girlfriend is at a standstill and I don't even know why we are still together. In general, this state has been going on for about half a year, and I began to worry about it. | depression |
If you’re a therapist please don’t read this bc I have an irrational fear my therapist will read this. Please don’t read if you’re a minor either. Thanks.
TW- mentions of SI but not immediate concern, mention of CSA, pts
Hi.
I don’t know how to do exposure therapy. It’s kind of informal, but my therapist is telling me to try and expose myself to things I’m scared of slowly out of session(I knowww cbt is shit for trauma sometimes. It’s a mix of cbt and humanistic approach if your curious.)
My main fear right now is basically anyone who I perceive to be a man. I don’t know how I’m supposed to just jump into it. I full heartedly believe- irrationally- that men are dangerous. I wear specific clothing and avoid them in public and slouch to not show any sort of “appealing” parts of me ( I am cisgender girl/afab… so like my chest). It feels like I’m protecting myself from danger. It’s hard to just what let men see me? I don’t know what to do. I know therapy is about letting yourself change your thoughts but I am driven by fear.
I am here because I’m pretty sure I have ptsd and this is hypervigilance?
It’s hard to be alive when all there is to me is trauma. Especially since I instigated my trauma and feel so much shame . I’m not in danger. But I’m just tired and I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to change. Dying is not an easy thing to do but living like this.. my therapist asked me if this is even living and it isn’t. I’m being controlled.
Sorry. And thanks. I guess I’m just looking to anyone’s thoughts if they’ve dealt with similar. And what they did for it. | ptsd |
I am sorry in advance for any typo, gramma- and punctuation- mistakes! I am not a native speaker.
Hey community,
I am 25 years old, gay and I think I suffer from POCD or that I am a P. I am NOT diagnosed, since I'm way too afraid and ashamed about this problem.
I suffer from depression(diagnosed). I do therapy since I am 19 years old and I was in a mental facility for about 9 weeks when I was 21. Since the lockdown I can't really visit my therapist, she only does online sessions, but I do not have a 'safe space' since I'm currently living at my parents apartment, due to financial struggles. Even if I find the courage to speak about this with her, I have to wait 'till I can come in person, so my parents can't hear us.
One thing I really love to do - obsessively thinking about traumatizing stuff. I may hear it in the news or see it on YouTube or tiktok and I won't stop to obsess about it and fear that I might get into same situations or even cause them. I also check a lot. I could go on and on, talking about how I had multiple habits of constantly checking the stove before leaving my apartment or going back, to check if I really locked the door 2-3 times and so on, but that got a little better. I have a huge problem with disinfecting some surfaces or objects, since everything I touch is contagious to my family in my opinion and to avoid that I religiously wash my hands until they are red and dry that it hurts and people noticing and asking, if I have some sort of rash - always very uncomfortable.
What really destroys me tho, is thinking that I might be a P. It started in June 2020. I heard a lot of this topic in the news, on social media, also an old classmate told me that she found a horrific account with suggestive pictures of children on Instagram and reported it and a good friend of mine opened up to me, that they are a surviver. Suddenly I started to focus on this 24/7. I got these grotesque and humiliating thoughts of children in awful situations. I started to fear for my little sister and startet doubting my own character. At the beginning I could pretty much calm myself, since I have never really shown interest in children. When puberty hit, I new from the get go that I am gay and I was mostly interested in grown men except for my one classmate, I had a huge crush on. Later in my teens, I was interest in some boys my own age, but rather preferred older men, same when I hit my 20s. Appearance wise I like the "daddy"-/"bear"-type of man, but I wouldn't say I'm exclusively attracted to these kind of men.
But with time the thoughts became more violent and I couldn't rationalize it anymore and I began to debate myself if I might be a P. I started to analyze my past in details and spend weeks, even months, figuring out, if there were some signs for P. I started to avoid encounters with children and only went out in the dark. When I saw one I started to panic and my body felt paralyzed by fear. The closer a child came the more I was panicking and tried to be as far as possible. I started to change the streets every time I saw a child in the distance.
Since I work in a Store, I couldn't use my strategy of keeping my distance and it was always the most stressful situation for me. I got very nervous and afraid a parent might think I am a creep and afterwards I'd always run to the stockroom or restroom to calm myself, to avoid a total break down. I couldn't watch certain TV shows and I was even uncomfortable with some anime that had children as characters. Even the word "child" made me freak out. \[**TRIGGER WARNING! su\*c\*de, graphic description of su\*c\*de as 'spoiler'**\] >!I had a lot of suicidal thoughts and constantly thinking about jumping from high buildings. Everytime I saw a skyscrapper, I imagined myself falling 'till it's done.!<
Then I started to do a lot of research about this thing and stumbled upon POCD and it fit like a shoe to me. I started to read a lot of articles and watched a lot of YT-videos and learned that exposure is important to deal with that, so I tried to "expose" myself to children, little did I know that I was just simply exposed to them and of course, didn't do real exposure response prevention, I was just simply desperate to do something to help with the situation. I started trying to not avoid anime and series with children and then I tried to watch 'Try not to laugh kids' videos and eventually to not change the street and try to stay calm. But I always focused on my groin area, to see if I might react to it, what really messed and still messes with me. In all honesty, it help a little to "expose" myself, but I still have my moments, where I freak out. Now the age-range shifted tho. The whole time I had these scary and horrible thoughts with under 12 year old boys and now that I'm most of the time ok and don't panic that much anymore, I severally freak out to boys between 12 - 18 years old. I don't get a lot of thoughts about them, but when I see a boy in that age-range I get scared like before.
Unfortunately, I got this habit to look at the groin-area of men, even when I don't want to. I tell myself "Do not look down there, do not look down there.", but I still do and I am brutally ashamed about this. I've never looked at that area of minors, but since the age-range shift, I sometimes do and try to see if I react to it. It's awful and it so wrong what I do. I feels so helpless. I've never shown interest in minors and now with 25 I have these crazy thoughts and constantly test myself, if I get turned on by this. I feel like, my whole life was a lie and I am not, who I thought I'd be.
Yesterday, was the worst I have ever done and I regret it immensely and just can't handle this any longer. I saw a (maybe 12-14y/o) boy in the grocery store and couldn't stop focusing on him since I cannot differentiate, if I just think he is just a pretty boy(not sexual) or if I think he is attractive to me. After my grocery shopping I saw a boy(age maybe 12) that played with a soccer ball and I was frightened, because I didn't see him in the first place and then suddenly I saw him and he was in shorts and I immediately felt guilty looking at him. After I almost got to my apartment I saw another (I think 13-15y/o) and looked at his groin-area. When I finally arrived at home, I started to think and think and think and was battling with myself if I'm a P or not and was so frustrated that I didn't got to an answer that I decided to try to think of all three encounters and tried to mast\*\*bate. I couldn't get my genital "up", so I forced myself by playing with it 'till it was erected, then I tried to focus on these boys 'till I was done. I am now even more disgusted by myself and have even more guilt than before. I don't know what I was expecting, by doing this, but it didn't help at all and made my situation even worse. I was not enjoying that and feel like a monster now. I just can't deal with this anymore and I'm too afraid that I'll hurt a child some day. I am not interested in children and do not want to hurt one, but I still have these thoughts and now I even did this messed up thing. I don't even like children in general. I don't get this. I am more depressed than ever. I maybe just don't want to face the truth. Maybe does my conscious already know the answer but I don't want to hear it. I am tired, I am very tired.
Does anyone here had similar experiences and did anyone do therapy about this? How are you doing now? | OCD |
Are there any subtle behaviors, habits, preoccupations or mental compulsions that it took you a while to realize were actually a symptom of OCD? I’m particularly interested in specific symptoms that may be more consistent with the “pure obsessional” subtype of OCD. I have a history of childhood OCD, and I have recently considered that some of the behaviors I believed to be related to anxiety and nonpathological “perfectionism” may actually be more consistent with the mental rituals that characterize purely obsessional OCD. I’m not interested in self diagnosing, just interested in discussing the nuances of OCD symptomology and behaviors that are more likely to go unrecognized. | OCD |
So POCD has been attacking me but it’s so dumb. I have literally proof that goes against me being a pedo. I remember just a few months back saying
“Man when I get a girlfriend I want her to have thick thighs, hips, and a thick butt”. I know it sounds perverse but I’m 17
My issue now isn’t really being attracted to child girls bodies. It’s being attracted to their face. I get intrusive images of young girls doing gross things. I get false feelings mixed with anxiety that makes me feel like I secretly like it and I’m just in denial. I obviously am highly attracted to woman but I’m just scared I’m attracted to child girls faces. How do I get over this? It caused me so much anxiety I almost had a panic attack in my car. I’m just really afraid that I’m starting to find children’s faces attractive. Any tips? | OCD |
This story probably sounds pretty familiar to everyone here except for the last bit.
I have been the "airheaded" funny guy for like my entire life. Constantly forgetting stuff, always chasing random things, super obessesive, failing every class because I cant focus, ya know the usual ADHD kid white knuckling their bullshit. But for a long time, ive kinda coasted? I was ok to be a failure cause I lived with my dad. BUT I recently moved out.
I'm trying to hold myself to a higher standard and I cant reach it. I keep failing. I cant hold a routine, I cant remember simple important things, I cant focus on things I NEED to do right at work. My ADHD can't be a quirky personality trait that I let ruin my life anymore, and I realized all this but TODAY was the real wake up call.
My friends were hanging out with me while I was doordashing, the problem is that it was late, I didn't have good vision and if I'm being completely honest? I wasn't really paying attention to like. Anything. Not the app, my friends, or the road, because I was too overwhelmed. This resulted in my DRIVING MY CAR INTO A DITCH. Please laugh cause that is objectively kind of hilarious lol. Honestly I just kinda glazed over where I was going and didn't realize until too late that the direction I was going didn't have a fucking road. I did realize it in time and successfully maneuvered my way out of said ditch, but regardless. I screwed up monumentally, because I wasn’t paying to what was in front of me. The bad part was that I didn't even realize I had glazed over. I just kinda was gone, which happens a lot of but jeez.
The whole point of this is to say that I'm going to go back on medication. I'm gonna really try seeing a therapist again to help build better routines and a better lifestyle. And you should too.
Don't wait to treat your ADHD until you end up in a ditch, or dead end, just don't let yourself chase butterflies into a rack of Chainsaws.
Self care for your adhd is important (: and so are you! | ADHD |
Does anyone experience violent outbursts/triggers? I've had two and I don't know how to manage them. I thankfully have a therapist but PTSD always likes to pop out and surprise us. I've had 2. In 2018 I hurt someone who triggered me. This Sunday, if it wasn't for my boyfriend literally pinning me down, I would've done it again. I attempted to get up and run but thankfully he held me down. He kept asking me if I'm okay, I didn't say anything. I was breathing heavily and he could tell I was full of violent rage. I don't want to hurt someone again, even if they trigger me. I, who I am as a person, wouldn't hurt a fly. I don't know how to control this due to my PTSD being sensitive. | ptsd |
Hey everyone idk if I have OCD or not . But recently I keep convincing myself I cheated on my bf . I’ve downloaded a lot of apps marked as “find friends” along with bumble BFF with my bfs permission . I will convince myself I flirted with people or switched it to dating etc.. or the actual dating apps I downloaded back in early 2019 when me and my bf weren’t dating I will convince myself I Downloaded them recently . One dating app I checked with my bfs permission bc of OCD didn’t have the years of the messages. But it had old photos of me. I’m really going crazy and idk if it’s OCD or I did something wrong . | OCD |
In the past, I've been kinda neutral in emotion, getting annoyed at most but never feeling any need to lash out. However recently I've been really easily irritable; whenever I feel any slight frustration, no matter how petty the circumstance, I 'growl?' and pull my hair and feel desperate to punch, squeeze or bite something. I've been getting frustrated at a lot of little things, but one thing that's made me angry is the restrictions on my ipad that have stopped me from making some project I was doing - my parents said they'd sort it out (as they were the ones who put it on for no reason) and they never do, so whenever I come home from school and see they haven't done anything I lash out and have abrupt screams (idk how to describe it). But I was feeling like this before as well, like I hate school at the minute because my best friend makes me feel like shit and everyone and the whole social aspect of it brings me down like hell. I don't know if its because of how much sleep I'm getting (on weekdays I go to sleep at around midnight to one and have to wake up at half seven to eight oclock and on weekends I oversleep way too much, like almost twelve hours) or if its something else (I got diagnosed with autism so I guess that could explain it?) but yeah I've been feeling so easily irritable and I'm just generally curious why.
Anything helps, thanks a lot (sorry its long) | depression |
I’ve always had a issue with money, I’m ADHD combined, pretty severe hyperactive and innattentive, however I was a bit let down my parents in lifestyle, my dad made no accommodations for my wiring and so our relationship fell apart the minute him and my mum got divorced, and my mum basically just ignored it and labelled me as gifted, because I’m reasonably good at art.
anyway now I riddled with vices and can barely function in a house, am fighting constant hyperactivity and mental issues, one of those is excessive spending.
I used to dream about spending as a kid, not knowing the constant unrest in me as a teenager was due to not meeting my basic needs and poor mental health but instead putting it down to not owning the thing I wanted, I let my imagination run wild as to how any life would change when I got the next console/thing, ironically I couldn’t sit down long enough to play most games.
last year I had a sort of pseudo spiritual awakening, really going into some form of mania, I thought I was free of all possessions, but quickly turned into an obsession with being as pure as possible, which 180’d when I realised to travel, my next focus.
I’d need a plan, and things, and so the flood gates opened and began an ADHD nightmare of overwhelming my self with parcels that I procrastinated sending back, racking up costs in postage, reduced returns or not getting them back at all, stressed out of my mind,
I became needlessly attached to the idea of biking touring, as a sort of counter measure, I didn’t want to do it, so I wanted to want to do it, and tried to make myself, let’s say I’ve had the most poor mental health summer.
my mum threatining to kick me out as the project fell apart day by day, going weeks not touching tools, pressuring myself to go on a bike trip I didn’t want to go on, because I got fixiated and stuck in a rut of obsessive thinking.
I’ve spent £100s on bike parts, accessories, that have come to nothing and I’m making no money on because in my pursuit I wanted to be as eco as possible, buying an overpriced shabby mountain bike from a co-op after failing to do up another bike, I finally broke down as I left for my travels, in Exeter I became completely overwhelmed with the brain fog I got on the bike and tried to switch to a backpack which ended up in a night in a hotel,
I’ve come back and made little money on the parts as I said.
In my spending I also have a stupid possession I’ve accumulated over a year like a violin (not stupid in itself but I don’t know how to play), books I’ll never read, art supplies, and a bloody expensive bike, and here I am trying again, with just a backpack, questioning if I’ll even make it and how I have any money left, and has any body made a bigger mess than me?
Part of me is relieved it’s nearly over and the other part thinks I’m running away and haven’t fulfilled my responsibility to properly clear out. I don’t like to make excuses, I want to be better, but at some point I have to put this down to a lack of executive function, as there where times i was so crushed with stress I couldn’t see 10ft in front of me. Ironically travel helps my mental health, so hopefully by simplifying it to bare minimum I will be able to walk out the door and do just what I need, and unwind this nightmare of a year. | ADHD |
I’ve been using cerebral for depression/anxiety for over a year now. With their help, a lot of life change, (and Zoloft!) I was able to find relief.
But when they started screening for ADHD and checked all the boxes, my care counselor pulled out all the stops, got me seen sooner, and personally made sure my provider could prescribe ADHD meds in my state.
Day one on adderall, something like a month after their first screening. ❤️ | ADHD |
I have constant intrusive thoughts that are usually either embarrassing or incredibly graphic and disturbing. They’ll pop into my head and there’s nothing I can do about it. Lately, I react to them physically. I don’t think the reactions qualify as compulsions, because they’re not pre-meditated or planned. They’re not my OCD telling me “do X or Y will happen”, they’re just an immediate reaction, like flinching or cringing.
A few of these reactions include tilting my head quickly, slapping myself on the leg (sometimes repeatedly), grimacing, stomping, and shutting my eyes really tight.
Is this a normal thing with OCD? Should I be concerned? I do see a therapist and when I mentioned this to her she told me to try “talking back” to the OCD like we’ve worked on, but I really can’t because there’s no chance to even think about it before it happens. | OCD |
I noticed that when I drop to 200 I feel less dizzy but more anxious | OCD |
I gave this the question flair, but I'm not sure if this is a question. It's just more me gathering my thoughts.
Ever since I (22F) was a little kid, I've always had this issue where I have to balance the symmetry on my body. If someone taps one shoulder I tap the other. If I stub my toe, I have to stub the other one. I've accidentally given myself cuts and bruises trying to satisfy this balancing act and I've never met anyone else who has this issue. Also, I thought that everyone did this until high school. I found out that it was NOT normal when I started complaining about how annoying it is and nobody had any clue what I was talking about. I've dealt with this my entire life and it hasn't gotten any better or worse, for the most part. There was a period about 6 months ago where it got REALLY bad, like I couldn't even look at where I was walking because my mind would shit itself if I stepped on a crack or a different colored tile at work.
I've also always struggled with picking my skin. As a kid, I would pick my lips constantly. As a teenager, I started picking my face because I had acne, which only snowballed the problem. I have a bunch of scars on my face from this and I still have some acne that I pick sometimes when it's there. I've mainly moved back to picking my lips and it's horrible. They're constantly red and it's obvious that I've been picking them and they're worse than before. Also, not sure if this could be related, but I'm also obsessed with cleaning my ears with q-tips. I know how bad it is and I've tried to stop but I haven't been successful. I've actually made my ears bleed by doing this.
Also, as long as I can remember, I've always tapped. My hands have to constantly be tapping on something and I almost always have to be tapping my foot. I tap rhythms that I've tapped for years and sometimes I make new ones up. The tapping is constant and I annoy people a lot by doing it.
I talked to a psychiatrist about the symmetry thing and I was diagnosed with OCD, although this was recent and I've pretty much known that I've had it for years. I'm not sure if the other things are connected or not, but my mind recently put together that all of the things I experience are weird compulsions that I can't really control. Do any of you guys experience any of these things? | OCD |
I take so much pride and care so much about being a good person, and I'm getting intense intrusive thoughts I've never had before and I can't even do ERP well. The sheer thought of me having to let them flow and eventually not care about what I'm thinking of makes me so upset. I want and care so much and just the thoughts alone are unacceptable, freaking about them or not. If eventually I stop caring and that lessens them a lot, then how do I live with the fact that I ever thought of them? I feel like I'm being too hard on myself but I simply can't bear with the thoughts even if I know they're not mine. It's gotten so bad and it feels like I'm losing every foundation of myself. I'm scared of not being scared of them and I just worked a 7-hour shift having anxiety and fear and discomfort for 6:30 hours of it. I cant even think of the ones I love without having thought. Any help would be appreciated, thanks so much! | OCD |
I don't wanna.gey out of he'd and go out and have to shit and out up with people and have to eat and.drink, fuck it's all.do nauseating. Fucking hate waking up. | depression |
I was threatened with a gun by my step
dad when I was 9 years old. And when I was 15 my best friend committed suicide in front of me. Now years have gone by and I cannot stand being around guns. My boyfriend has started collecting them (keeps them locked up unloaded in the closet to try and help me) but really it doesn’t. If we are arguing I’m horribly scared he’s going to go grab one (he has never threatened nor is he abusive) so idk why my brain makes me so terrified of him. He will warn me if he’s going clean his guns while I’m in bed. I’ll sit there and listen to every little noise because again, I’m scared he’s going to load it up and come into the bedroom and I’m also worried in going to hear him commit suicide. Because clearly I’m not good at seeing the signs of it or my best friend would still be here. I cannot convince myself that he is safe and fine, and that I am also safe and fine. Because my brain and body are constantly telling me that both of us are in danger.
I’ve gone to therapy once, so I’m not diagnosed with anything this could just be anxiety or maybe even just thoughts that everyone has and I’m just dramatic I have no idea. But I would love a way to, I guess, get over it if I can. | ptsd |
So my ocd was too bad and it ruined my life almost a year but i started to control it. U should just learn one thing , always ask this urself when ur ocd triggers " is this thing can make my life bad? " and answer is " i can still continue my life with this. " Thats it , it helped me a lot. I hope it can help u too. Have a nice day!🤟 | OCD |
I've had debilitating anxiety (OCD) over the years. Whilst I am definitely a lot better (thanks to NAC and healing gut health) the demons still arise albeit much quieter than before.
I found the alpha stim very effective initially at turning down the dial). In fact I still use this daily.
Just wondering if anyone else has tried this, if it helped and whether there are any people that have also tried tDCS that could share their experiences.
Alpha stim is FDA approved for anxiety and depression, tDCS isn't, but seriously I will try anything!!!! | OCD |
Let me take an example. I should read more.
But i also have a list of things to do (school work, revision, improvement).
I procrastinate too much for these things, but as long i don't do it, i don't start "long term" like book, language learning,...
At the end, not only i don't do what i was supposed to. But i do nothing productive cause i can't start something productive without finishing my tasks.
Does that happen to you too? | ADHD |
I joined it like a day ago and its the best thing. You can help people and get helped from others, and everyone is helping each other and that what makes this community SPECIAL | depression |
I'll add a TW for rape and violent relationship.
For a little background, I started with this guy when we both were 14 and was on a pretty bad mental state which he took advantage of, he started abusing me at 15 until I dumped him almost two years later. As he could not longer control me, he started controlling how other people saw me, you know, the typical manipulative person. Now I'm 19, ran out of town at 17 and just got diagnosed a month ago and been struggling since.
Back in April I decided I had enough hiding what truly happened and being seen as the bad one, so I told my IG's best friends which mostly are my hometown friends from that time, I narrate what happened and showed proof, everyone was shocked but not surprised and they believed me, turns out this obviously spread around town and he's now bad seen, although never tried to contact me.
My sister(12, we look VERY alike, people always ask if we're twins) just came back from my hometown, as we were talking she mentioned that they crossed on the street, I asked for details right away. Turns out she was walking down the street and noticed someone was watching her, lifted up her head and noticed he was walking almost next to my sis but going to the other way and stopped frozen as he saw her, like fear frozen, and looked at her for about a minute, as he noticed she was gonna insult him he almost RAN AWAY.
I've never felt such freedom as after hearing this, he has mistaken her thinking it was me instead and was actually scared of what I could have told him. It actually felt for once like I've won. But then the feeling hit me, why was he scared of me? Was he feeling okay? I can't seem to stop caring about him, I know it may be part of the trauma itself, but I feel like I'm guilty of something. If someone has gone through something similar, feel free to send me a message if you wanna share, I just really need to sort this feeling out. | ptsd |
I know vaccines are saving lives and I want the vaccines but taking medicines and vaccines have been a huge OCD trigger for me. I’m fearful of things being “permanent” and changing me. And knowing that vaccines change my immune system or train it differently or whatever is freaking me out. I was supposed to have meds for my acne in high school and I was too OCD to take them. I’m supposed to be on meds for my OCD right now - I’m too scared to take them. I’ve never been able to get the flu vaccine and now I’m scared to get the covid vaccine.
UPDATE: I got my first dose!! | OCD |
Could it be a manifestation of my aspergers that i find it hard to let go of people? I can get attached to someone i don’t even know that well and years later i still am not able to let that person go. He shows up in my dreams and sometimes i think about him. The only thing we have in common is that we were in the same class for 5 years long. I just am so mad at myself that i invest so much time in “fantasizing” about someone i managed to get attached to, while this person does not even know that much about me and i don’t know much about him. Also i have not let go of some friends of middle school who screwed me over and really hurt me by constantly excluding me from everything. I just cannot move on and I’m still struggling when I see some of them on the streets or in the supermarket. I feel like such a loser | aspergers |
Has anyone experienced this? It wants me to throw everything away, including my documents(drivers license, birth certificate), and perform a "cleanse ritual" at separate airbnb rooms on the way to make sure that I've "cleansed" myself of this place and finally feel free. | ptsd |
Just had a mini argument with mum about unloading the dishwasher and sorting it out. I jokily said no and I've just realised that maybe I should be saying no. I'm really aware of how mean that sounds but I honestly dont think I can balance chores after being in College all day and still having to do school work at home. I find everytime I've done it from a young age its just sparked arguments, I used to cry over doing the damn thing. Is this executive dysfunction? It sounds so silly but it honestly just takes so much out of me especially at the end of the day. My mum says that she can't do it either because she's been in work all day and she still has to make our tea (dad not even attempting to offer doing either here and honestly doesnt lift a finger and then tells me off for not doing anything.)
This is very rambly I just need advice or reassurance...should I tell her I can't? Am I just being lazy?
Edit: How do you guys cope with doing chores around the house? | ADHD |
been suffering since im 14 and im about to turn 24 this summer , i dont love my ocd and i dont hate it .. it wont leave today nor tomorrow and i just dont give about intrusive thoughts anymore , i could become schizophrenic tomorrow and not give a single fuck , i might act on my thoughts and end the rest of my life in prison , i dont give a fuck , life will take me where it wants to | OCD |
And do people bother you about it?
Also how often do you catch yourself "flying away" ?
I remember when concerts were still a thing, people often giggled at me for going into "that place". Not in offensive way, but it kinda made me self aware.
I just love to immerse in music, close my eyes and gently move my head, side to side to the rythm
It kinda sucks it's so noticable to people. Now I'm too self aware. | aspergers |
I have had a really hard time finding a therapist who specializes in trauma and understands it. I left my SO about six or seven months ago, and everything ended so terribly that I haven't even been able to process the breakup, let alone all the trauma that came from the emotional abuse. This finally feels like a step in the right direction. I didn't feel like she was just listening, like most other people do, but I really felt HEARD for the first time. | ptsd |
I keep breaking everything 🤦♂️
i got new glasses after 2 months and i broke them the third day
every time i get a pop socket for my phone i break it by it getting stuck out of jeans pockets
my friend got me a minecraft mug as a gift (not for my bday or something just wanted to) and i threw it and broke it
ive dropped my phone multiple times and made micro scratches that annoy me
i keep dropping everything i hold when i ride my bike mostly my speaker
i get my bike repaired every month cuz i pop the tires or wreck the brakes/chain
i broke my dad's car door by slamming it too hard
why. | ADHD |
I've been lurking on this subreddit for quite some time because it makes me feel less alone. My thoughts spiral so badly on my rough days that it begins to lock up my body, causing an inability to even move to do something else (even things that I love to do!) to divert my attention from my thoughts. I sit in silence and sink on those days. I've been trying to be more aware and fight but the rough days outweigh the good days so far. I can't stop thinking and it takes such an effort to battle my thoughts that I am so exhausted by the end of the day. I hate that I scrutinize my every thought and wonder if I'm a bad person when I know I'm not. I know that I'm not alone because I do have people around me that care about me, but I can't explain to them how much I'm struggling because they don't understand, to no fault of their own. I know that I should be actively getting help but I obsess over the "what ifs?" so badly that I can't convince myself to seek professional help.
It's bittersweet to know that there are others out there that have brains like mine; it's a relief to know that I'm not alone in this, but I also wouldn't wish these struggles on even my worst enemy. Thank you all for posting your experiences and being so open. It's uncommon to find IRL, and I truly hope that one day there will be more awareness regarding mental health so that help can be more widely available for all of us.
Side note: I've spent more time rewriting and studying this post than should be necessary. Fuck you OCD. | OCD |
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