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Crosspost in r/depressed
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**Introduction**
Hi everyone! This is the first time I've published anything on my ongoing two to three years of depression in public. Recently, however, I've felt better due to medication and therapy and genuine attempt to improve my mental health and quality of life.
Due to these positive changes, I now feel I would be able concentrate enough on content to further help me to improve my mental health and quality of life. I have listed some main trigger points below that seem to by main issues I'm dealing with. I would really appreciate it, if someone could suggest me recommended reading material based on the trigger list of issues. I'm aware there's a huge list of collected resource material in this subreddit, but I feel it would be much easier for me if I could be suggested a shorter list of books/media based on my own personal problems instead of depression in general. Any help is hugely appreciated. Thank you everyone!
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**Trigger list**
maladaptive perfectionism
dealing with fear of failure or mistakes, shame, self critisism, self dialogue (critisim, procrastination suggestions / resisting temptations), inability to showing weakness
self value based on successes / failures, self confidence
inflexibility. listening for nrg + no need to plan: spontaneity, excessive planning or structure or optimizing, how to have fun / options for free time. living or existing? accomplishing or living life. all or nothing attitude
what is a break / how to take a proper break.
procrastination, initiative, mental fatigue, relationship to responsibilities
adhd, add, dopamine, multitasking, focus.
social anxiety, ability to say no, prioritizing oneself (nrg), showing weakness, shame, avoiding conflicts, insecurity, disagreeing respectfully, friendship is a project, can't fail, others are more important than me, fear of rejection
dermatillomania.
find your values and live by them.
general wellbeing advice for depressed | depression |
Hi Everyone. My name is Ronald and though I haven't been diagnosed with OCD. I feel fairly sure I have it due to intrusive thoughts that are both sexual and satanic. I wanted to write a post about truths made known in my faith in how I try to cope with day to day living and I hope this comforts you as well.
1. **God provides a way out of temptation.** While I understand that OCD is explicitly about having thoughts you don't want, invading your mind. This truth I'd like to say has given me a mindset that even when the worst of intrusive thoughts happen at inconvenient moments, I didn't act on it. If God really does keep me from sin and provides a way out. Then my intrusive thoughts aren't feeding into my actions, and as long as I don't surrender into them, then I am not guilty of it. **I am not my intrusive thoughts and they are not me!**
1. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
2. **My hope is not in this life.** This comforts me when I seek to understand the 'guilt' of my OCD actions/thoughts. **When OCD takes away my hope of having a normal life in this life, I am reminded that the life to come is the one i hope for!**
1. Philippians 3:8 NIV " **8** What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ "
3. **God sees me.** God sees past my evil and demonic thoughts, **thoughts that people would use to distance themselves from me, and God still loves me.** God knows and loves the real you even when you think the real you is the demonic/poor brain chemistry thoughts in your head.
1. **Psalm 139: 11-14 NIV 11** If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”**12** even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.**13** For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. **14** I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
4. **God forgives**. I mean that in the way I wrote it, that God's forgiveness is a indeed an action that God does in the present. If we really are guilty of our thoughts, though we aren't in reality. What's waiting for all those have faith and surrender to Jesus as Lord and saviour is forgiveness. Jesus died to accept punishment for our sins from God and to reconcile us back to him. Friends and family abandon us, and yes it has felt to me that God has abandoned me at times. But, my perception and relation to communities and mental peace are not my end goal. It's being with a God who genuinely loves me and knows the real me.
1. Job 1:20-22 English Standard Version**20** Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. **21** And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”**22** In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.
I don't share this as someone who's faith has never 'cracked', or having the clear conscience of never calling God evil. I share this as someone who's finding bits of 'faith' in what seems to be a broken mind of unbelief. May you be comforted by this and yes. I will be ready to listen, answer, and if I have to, admit the limits of my ability to answer your question about this suffering we all go through.
God bless and Jesus loves as even when it feels like we're in a deep pit of despair. | OCD |
I'm not sure if I have OCD or if I'm just a bit particular but about once or twice a year I'll have a day where everything is going to my plan and I'll get a very intense wave of pleasure down my spine. Can anyone relate? | OCD |
Haven’t wrote a rant about my ptsd in a while because I’ve just had 6 months of specialist trauma therapy (CBT) everything been going good, college good, grades good, moods, good. CBT really did me some good.
However, the past 2 week (Living in England) all this Prince Andrew abuse has come about more deeply, ok so hearing about abuse not always a trigger to me, can’t relate to what Epstein horrifically did to this girls but Andew’s defence is the same town I was abused at has really fucked up my head. I’ve been late to college all week because I get trapped in the bad dreams, weirdly it’s not the “hot spots” but it’s just that feeling at the time with the aftermath getting away on my way in the town etc. Still reliving where I have blood down my nose from being head butted. Fuck me chest getting tight all the reactions I usually get but all at once.
This shit is everywhere at the mo, feel like I’m just drowning with my own emotions and flashbacks which isn’t something I’ve had occur in a while. I know I’m safe and away from my ex but as he was my first love they’ll always be some sort of emotion to it all, so confusing to this day. | ptsd |
Usually i feel okay just when at work but when i get home darkness hits me pretty hard. Like nothing interests me anymore and just overall sad. | depression |
Really want to make myself puke after getting triggered, I ate my tea anyway | OCD |
Since the age of 12, I kept doing similar dreams about my chilhood/current/future house.
So, I keep dreaming since the age of 12 about my childhood house, wich I lived in since I was born, to the age of 11.
At the age of 12-13 I always dreamed about the same scene, were I was alone outside the building were my apartment was, in a park next were was the canal that ran through the neighborhood across the street.
I was just wandering outside admiring my ancient neighborhood, and I always woke up nostalgic and kinda sad. The weather was always nice, everything was green, it felt like the middle of summer during school break.
Then, dream that stopped these identical dreams was the one where I finally entered my appartement.
Bassicaly the whole building was somehow destroyed (as if there had been a fire). The ceiling gave seen on the sky, since our my apartment was in the last floor. It was terrifying.
After that, the last time I saw my childhood building /house was in a apocalyptic atmosphere where the ruins became some sort of shelter were people I didn't know where hiding.
(Bewteen this dream and the next one related to houses I Iive/lived in, it was basically just nightmares were I hanged myself, fighting violently with my family, and harming myself, over and over again, at a point were I was afraid to go to sleep).
Then, the dream about my current house. It was last year, and it showed me, in the third person, sleeping in the living room since I couldn't sleep in my own room IRL. There was brambles coming out of my body and strangling to death my family members.
It was during the period were my mental health was getting really bad. Because of it and my abusive dad, I didn't know what was real or not anymore (memory loss). I feared that everything was my fault and that I was lying on what happened to me.
1 week ago, I dreamed about moving out with my family in a house. And yesterday I dreamed about moving out (still with my family) to my supportive aunt's old city. I had mixed feelings about it.
And... That's it. I just wanted to share these dreams. And eventually see if anybody here had a similar experience.
It made me realize what was heppening to me wasn't normal, and that I was going completely insane.
I think it's both amazing and horrifying, that these identical dreams kept portraying the state of my mental health trough years, and helped me understand my emotions and my needs. At least that's how I personally see it.
When I was 12-13, it was depression, that I'm still trying to recover from to this day, then it became C-PTSD, a result of my abusive parents and my seizures that kept getting worst since my situation never changed.
I'm also suffering from some sort of amnesia : I forgot most of my childhood. That's why it made me so happy to see my childhood house.
And, the reason I remember some memory and dreams is that I wrote a diary, since I forget everything. | ptsd |
i wonder if anyone has a similar experience to me and can leave some tips on how to support my boyfriend. he's a very important aspect in my life and at times i feel helpless and useless. | depression |
I've found that as of late, I don't have the same anxiety that I used to regarding school and just can't seem to get myself to that anxious "gotta work" point (as of late meaning pretty much all of college the last few years).
It ironically stresses me out, given that I need to graduate in the spring but I'm worried I won't on time if I don't get myself moving. | ADHD |
Emotional abuse literally drives you crazy. You constantly think you’re overreacting or that maybe you did deserve the abusive behavior. My father is an attorney so I’ve always learned to have evidence to back up anything I say, with emotional abuse, it’s very difficult to find evidence outside of a few text messages or emails.
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I had tried explaining what was going on to one therapist I had while I was still unsure of what I was going through and she told me his actions weren’t abusive. So, I stayed. This is why I always recommend you interview multiple therapists before just picking one to listen to. Had I stayed with that therapist longer, who knows where I would be. After I left the relationship, the lack of evidence drove me insane. I was always in so much psychological pain. I couldn’t interact with others without tears forming from his voice in my head or having memories pop into my head. I always looked depressed and was never invited to anything as I wasn’t “fun” enough. I became very aggressive during this time. I was kicked out of a bar and the bouncer called me a bitch/cunt and I went off. Next thing I know I woke up in the hospital with two black eyes. They weren’t from the bouncer, I had drunkenly stumbled and fell flat on my face. I was so shocked to see how awful I looked, but was at the same time relieved because I was finally able to see pain. Please note that I do NOT recommend accidental or voluntary self harm as according to one of my other therapists, that is common for emotional abuse survivors. Instead we need to break our silence and educate and have people start looking deeper than the skin level and understand that the scars that lie beneath can truly be the deepest.
​
This was a post from Instagram \*\*he\_never\_hit\_me\_but\*\* and really spoke to me and helped me understand my need for self harm and how it isn’t the answer. | ptsd |
I (24/M) started taking Adderall around 3 months ago, anywhere from 15mg-30mg/day (usually 5x/week) and I have started getting thin patches of hair that are mostly not noticeable, but I am worried it may progress. I have heard that ADHD symptoms are synonymous with thyroid issues, and that both thyroid and adderall can cause hair thinning/loss. I am not sure if this may have been happening prior to the adderall as I just noticed, but I did have to clean my shower drain roughly 5x since February of this year.
Thoughts? | ADHD |
I suspected I had aspergers so I’ve been educating myself on the ins and outs of it and have come to the conclusion that the possibility is very likely. I’ve realized that something I do to talk to seemingly anyone is masking, and it feels like I can’t even differentiate between who I actually am and who I am with the mask. I think I’ve been hiding the possible symptoms from everyone my entire life (19) because I’ve convinced myself that I’m just not enjoyable to be around when I’m not masking. It makes me feel alone and makes me prefer to stay away from people, but the need for genuine, loving human contact is still there. I know the biggest thing that can help me is time and letting my emotions kinda flow whilst I ride that wave, but at the same time I don’t even know what good that would do. Does anybody have any advice or experienced a similar thought process? | aspergers |
Are there any alternatives to medication for ADHD? It’s really expensive for me here in USA,but I haven’t tried any other methods as well. I would like to see if there are others who have forums other treatments instead of jumping on medication. I am a 25 yes old adult male working ina n engineering company,so it’s getting frustrating | ADHD |
This is more of a medical/psychology question, but I was wondering why will doctors prescribe different meds for different people with the same condition (ocd in this case), and why do some meds work for some people and not others? Sorry if this is a stupid question haha | OCD |
Just got my autism and adhd diagnosis today. So much relief. Felt so good that I almost cried.
Edit: I did not expect this to get so much attention. I just woke up so I'm sorry for not replying. | aspergers |
Fair warning, this particular obsession took up about 6 hours of my day yesterday (including work hours, eek)...but I had to share:
If you are are a nerd for fiction/fantasy/movies/television/boardgames.....this is totally for you! The website is called Ambient Mixer, and it's totally free to listen to ambient sounds made by other VERY talented people, and best if all, CREATE YOUR OWN!!
You can choose from hundreds of unique sounds like weather, voices, instruments, noises, etc. and adjust the volume and frequency of each to create a totally unique background ambience to listen to when doing your favorite thing.
I just made a Loki themed one, and have made multiple Harry Potter POV mixes that I pretty much have no one to fangirl obsess over, lmao..so I hope this reaches another ADHD nerd who can dive into this and have fun with it and share their creations too!
There is a super convenient app, just search for "ambient mixer"...very user friendly for those who aren't too technically gifted, heheh. | ADHD |
I’ve reacted very poorly to Adderall, Concerta and Wellbutrin (shaking hands, extreme nausea, and no improvement in concentration). So, my psych prescribed Abilify.
Does this medication work for ADHD? I haven’t heard much about it.
I’m a little afraid of the symptoms, not gonna lie. It sounds scary! Are there any reassuring testimonials out there? | ADHD |
I’m 18 now and I’m scared for the future, the fact that I will inevitably be a completely different person in 5 years scares the crap out of me, I think financially I will be doing well, but socially and mentally I have no clue. It’s so hard to predict it makes me nervous. | aspergers |
First of all, I don't encourage anyone to do this. Sleep deprivation can be dangerous, especially if you have certain medical conditions. You've been informed.
I noticed this many many times when I skipped a night's sleep. Sometimes it also works when I'm hangover.
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NOTE: Here's a comment from a redditor from another post and the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/1d33sb/why_sleep_deprivation_eases_depression/)
This needs to be upvoted, because no one seems to understand this. It's a temporary effect caused by acute sleep deprivation, not a result of many nights/weeks/months without much sleep, which has the opposite effect--in addition to increasing stress, contributing to weight gain, and decreasing the immune system's ability to fight infection. Sleep deprivation is in no way a good thing.
\[EDIT\] I just found more warnings, it seems it's kinda bad for you. But like I mentioned it's not something sustainable. But I think every once in a while It might be worth it. **Anyways, you're all adults (I hope) so I expect you can decide for yourselves.**
DO NOT TREAT DEPRESSION WITH SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Sleep deprivation is EXTREMELY INJURIOUS TO THE BRAIN. It causes oxidative stress which damages brain tissue and (independently from that) it worsens brain function, worsens cognition, causes anxiety and DEPRESSION. In fact, as little as a 30 minute reduction from ideal sleep time results in measurable cognitive disruption.
SLEEP MEDIATES EXTREMELY MANY BODILY PROCESSES.
Simply staying awake during sleep hours has been shown to be carcinogenic to the brain.
The mechanism behind the reduction of depressive symtoms is brute and unsustainable. Sleep deprivation is no more a treatment for depression than cocaine is. Your brain is everything and sleep deprivation categorically worsens your brain.
Depression lifts up, OCD goes down. One can feel normal (even if somewhat tired and groggy).
There are studies that apparently involve adenosine and adenosine receptors (it builds up when you don't sleep). They even say they're working on an anti-depressant that will start to work ASAP instead of 2-4 weeks as for SSRI. (google "sleep deprivation good for depression").
I don't think it's sustainable but boy it's good to feel almost normal for a while. It reminds you that there exists another world where things are actually ok. It reminds you that it's just a damn disease.
It was during one of these "awakened" states that I realized something extremely, extremely important.
**I HAVE TO WORK TWICE OR THRICE AS HARD TO GET BETTER.**
Let me tell you what I mean. If you are relatively healthy mentally you might practice meditation once in a while, maybe a cold shower, maybe a fast, maybe diet. It's stuff that maintains you, right?
But when you're heavily depressed/anxious/ocd **NOT ONLY you don't do those maintenance healthy habits, you usually do the opposite.**
And thus the cycle gets you even deeper into mental illness, despair and pain.
So I decided that I have to practice those healthy habits twice as hard. I mean you just got the proof that it's all chemical imbalances. So I got to really get the systems going to get back to normal.
If you're brain is a car than you've been going backward instead of staying in one place. So applying "normal" forward acceleration is not enough. You got to apply more forward acceleration than usual. You have to be more consistent than "healthy" people.
**Personally I've decided to up the ante in the following areas:**
**1. Cold shower every day.**
No excuses. I start with a mild shower and progress as much as I can toward coldness, for 2-3-4 minutes. The first one I stayed for 30 seconds maybe. The second consecutive one (which I took at 4 AM because I made a commitment and didn't want to skip) for 3 minutes.
*(please note that cold showers aren't for everyone, they can worsen some medical conditions. google up).*
**2. Instead of 20 minute daily meditation (which I never done in one go) I decided to do 40 minutes daily meditation.**
It's a big goal and today I've just reached 16.5 minutes. But I'll keep at it. *(I use a meditation app with an infinite timer. Whenever I can I sit to meditate: 30 seconds, 15 seconds, 1 minute, 2 minutes, etc. It's not ideal but it's better than zero. Sometimes I even "get it" for 5-6-7minutes, sometimes I get nervous. But I keep at it.)*
**3. Laughing for a certain period of time.**
Laughing whenever I can. It feels bad sometimes to laugh with OCD and depression but I manage to reach some points of hapiness, relaxation and joy. Laughing releases feel good hormones. You have to start the juices going.
**4. NOFAP.**
I'm not 100% positive but I think it aggravates OCD with sexual themes.
**5. Exercise.**
Right now some injuries prevent me from doing so but I'll up the ante with exercises very soon. I used to bike sometimes and lift regularly. I intend to bike much more and continue lifting.
**6. Gut Microbiome.**
I've just recently [watched this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mioR_WrkRaU) and let me tell you - It affects you in more ways than you imagine. Also called the second brain. I've decided to clean up my diet as much as I can (given my financials) and use a probiotic.
**7. Intermittent fasting.**
Right now I've done two consecutive 18/6 (google it). This definitely has a very powerful effect on depressiond and somewhat on OCD. It's early to tell but I think it's a big factor for mental and physical health. I'll keep doing this and up the ante with a 24-48 fast as soon as I'm able.
*(again, not for everyone. Take care or consult a physician)*
**8. I've decided to NOT skip the medication.**
It's not much and I'm not sure it helps specifically the OCD (I always avoid calling it "my OCD". It's not mine, it's just something that I suffer from. I think it also helps a little). I do intend to revisit the psychiatrist as soon as possible. **If you're not on medication you're missing on a HUGE improvement factor.**
​
**9. A plethora of mindfulness, self-love, self-forgiveness, face relaxation and other mental tricks that I've discovered through books and experimentation.**
To my shame I've been remiss lately in practicing them as frequently as I should.
I made a game called [Gamitate](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1370970/Gamitate__Meditate_Relax_Feel_Better/) which contains all these techniques in one place. It's not free but it has a full free trial(and you can just learn the techniques from there and practice them on your own).
Please note that I'm not trying to take advantage of your disease or shamelessly promote my product. I just can't cram in here all the techniques. But like I said, there's a free full trial that will get you all the knowledge you need.
And if you didn't check out **"Get out of your mind and into your life"** and **"The Power Of Now"**. Ah, and **"When Things fall apart"** which I should probably continue reading an re-reading.
**All the above are relatively safe behaviours that don't involve reassurance and compulsions** (but be careful with the techniques in [Gamitate](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1370970/Gamitate__Meditate_Relax_Feel_Better/), some techniques like Self-forgiveness can be hijacked by the OCD into self-forgiving your obsession. Don't do that.)
I'm 3-4 days into this program and I can say that there's a minor, minor improvement. After years of bad habits it takes time to defeat the inertia and get better. But I think it's doable.
Now whenever I feel very depressed, have OCD thoughts, anxious, etc. - I ask myself?
**"Have I done all that I physically can for a at least 1 or 2 months? Have I done daily helpful habits I can? If I didn't then I shouldn't complain and get to doing them instead"**
Sorry for the wall of text, I hope I can help some of you people suffering from mental pain.
And be careful, have some common sense, don't exaggerate with them, don't be hard on yourself. You won't get better in a day. It'll take time.
**PS: Right now I'll start working on a way to "checkbox" all these healthy habits daily. Piece of paper I think or maybe digitally. I did it in the past and it helped until I formed a habit.** | OCD |
My dad has slapped my little sisters butts before. Although he could be just playing with them it's still disgusting and wrong thing to do in my opinion. I decided to search up the matter on reddit to see what people would do. Most people said to tell them to stop which makes sense. Weirdly some parents said they slapped their childs butt playfully too. Basicsllys saying they only stopped when they got older. It was pretty messed up to me because me personally would never do that cause i believe its nasty. Before this I had thoughts if I should call the police on my dad because this is truly bad. But after reading all the reddit comment I said something truly stupid. I said "I don't think slapping a childs butt(playfully) is abuse" after I said this I immediately knew what I said was wrong and should of just taken it back and move on. In the moment I think I got worried about what I'd said so I quickly said "but it is inappropriate touching". I feel so messed up for saying this. This is maybe the second time is said something so stupid but this time it was 100% my fault. I tried hoping it was an intrusive thought but there's no way. I feel like a monster. I think the reason I said this stupid thing was because no one ever said to call the police in the comment so my stupid self thought it wasn't abuse but its clearly is. I have no excuse especially since I'm going to turn 15 soon. I don't know if if forgot what the word abuse was at the moment but it seems like I just said something stupid and realized it after i said it. I always believed slapping a childs butt was wrong and gross. I've even siad to myself if ie ver saw my dad do it again I was going to yell at them. so I don't know why in this moment is said something so stupid | OCD |
Is thinking your harming yourself a normal part of OCD? Thinking you have stabbed yourself in the necking and cumpulsivly wiping my neck with my hand and looking at it checking for blood. Sometimes I can feel the blood, but it’s not really there when I look. Am I delusional? Is my OCD turning into a delusional disorder? Am I finally going crazy? | OCD |
About two years ago I was in an accident with my then girlfriend where I hit and killed someone going down an unlit roadway and then witnessed that same person get ran over again resulting in their death. I think about it a lot and ever since it happened I have never been the same person. It’s hard for me to control my temper and my emotions and this caused me to turn to substance abuse it started with just smoking weed but then turned to more like psychedelics and benzodiazepines which you could image didn’t really help my situation. My relationship fell apart because of my own actions of selfishness and partly from the accident we were in. Every second I was with her I was reminded what happened and it killed me that I put someone I loved through something like that and I beat myself up for it all the time. I went through therapy for the last few years trying some strange techniques that didn’t seem to result in anything, I changed therapists on four different occasions thinking that was the problem but I came to the conclusion that it’s never going to go away. Over the years suicide has been on my mind more and more and in one occasion I tried to overdose on Xanax and alcohol, but obviously was unsuccessful. In the recent weeks I’ve had the thought going through my brain an unhealthy amount and I’m starting to get concerned for myself. I can’t hold a job more than a month, I can’t develop a relationship again even though I’ve met many amazing women, I’m dependent on weed and nicotine for any sort of emotional coping, I live alone and really have no one to vent my problems to, no real people I can consider my friends.
I guess I’m really asking here is how can I find a reason to want to live if there really is one if someone else has been in a situation where they’ve tried killing themselves and are now happy with life I’d love to hear some tips. Thanks for reading my rant, I don’t really have anyone else or any other way of conveying my thoughts. | ptsd |
Often I just live pretty normally and have more energy and get a bit tired in the evening. But way more often that it should I am groggy and feel weak all day, even with medication. Then when evening hits I get an insane amount of energy, can stay up all night, usually really screws up my sleep schedule because of this and just procrastinating going to sleep. Such struggles 🙃😴
Does anyone feel the exact same? I imagine many do 😅 | ADHD |
Even after only 3 days of low risk ERP, my distress level around one of my biggest themes has gone from a 10(which is has been stuck on for months) to around a 3. I can sleep again, my tics have decreased so much, my anxiety has decreased. I can finally handle other thing going on in my life without falling apart because I'm getting this under control! | OCD |
Just wanted to stick my head out and see if there's anyone in the NYC area who might have some energy/spoons/time to reach out and chat.
I'm having some issues with making friends and maintaining employment. Recently got diagnosed, so I have questions about coping strategies that have worked for ppl. I'm not super sure how to approach disclosure in the workplace.
New York is also weird because it's sensory overload all the time, but in some ways, the sensory overload functions as stimming? Like the constant hum calms me down but then a siren will slice through and totally set off my panic reflex.
Hope everyone's holidays are going OK 💙
This Omicron surge suuucks.
XOXO | aspergers |
I'm a Security Analyst and I've been in IT for almost the past 10 years but I'm getting burnt out because it doesn't feel fulfilling. I've hopped around to get raises/promotions but I fell into a place that kind of killed my desire for this work. They took away our training (which was half the reason I took the job), don't promote from within, too much drama, no goals/reviews, etc.
I've got a masters degree in Information Security, but I assume I'll probably need to get a graduate degree in another field to laterally move to a similar salary. The good thing about my job is the work/life balance is amazing and I have a decent amount of downtime. I'm thinking of using that downtime for another degree.
I'm leaning towards being a therapist that focuses on helping individuals with disorders. Once psychedelics are more accessible with more studies done, I'd like to be involved with that also. It seems like it would be much more fulfilling and I'm more interested in helping people directly in that way. I'd pursue being a psychiatrist but I can't do med school and work full time, so I was thinking of getting a masters in social work to be a therapist instead. I think being autistic would help quite a bit, given how many therapists don't understand autism.
Any other suggestions? If not for me, just for autistic people in general. | aspergers |
I just read up the symptoms, it's like all I've struggled with all my life, it's all written, I thought my inattention, my inability to achieve my plans, my jobless attitude that quits as soon as possible, my money catastrophic management is all because I'm a loser. I struggle every day to be, to simply be what people are. I feel like a home plant most of the time being unable to leave and close the door behind me, it's mostly like I'm stuck in a maze.
I'm a 28 M, married and diagnosed with MS 3 years ago, been struggling the last 5 years with ADHD symptoms, haven't been recognized for that.
What should I do? Who should I seek help from? Do you guys struggle leaving house too? | ADHD |
Could be ADHD or could be my lax attitude. I’m very “go with the flow” and looking back at school, work, sports etc I felt like I was just a passenger and someone else was driving (classmates, coworkers, teammates) I’m here for the participation as long as someone else tells me what to do but I don’t want to be the bus driver. Almost feels like I need someone to “hold my hand” when I have to do something. Edit: I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12. I am now 24. | ADHD |
So I have big problem with uncertainty and it affects my life a lot.
For example everyday things like doing dishes sometimes I don’t notice I do the dishes and I get a compulsion that I have to do it again.
Today at my work one person showed me his ID and I was unsure that I read correct as of what the ID name is. I actually saw his ID 3 times, but still I was unsure that I read his name correct.
I try to stop myself of making 100% sure, what I just did or what I just read, by not doing the task again or seeing the text again but it is so difficult :( | OCD |
I've always loved trick taking games. Games like poker didn't interest me as much because it was less about the card play and casino style games hold little interest for me either. However I can't stand partnership card games, which is why I've always WAY preferred Hearts over Spades. It seems like I'm just about the only one with this strong pet peeve, so I'm wondering if it might be a social issue thing.
Tichu is a game I loved in that the partnership element seemed more muted, that is until I started playing with people using card passing conventions to pass information. Then it pretty much lost all appeal to me. I'm looking at Zheng Fen now as it's very similar but without partnerships (I also love Haggis, and Bottle Imp). I might make up a non-partnership Tichu variant too, which is something that would pretty much only appeal to me, since it seems everyone else thinks partnership makes the game better. Considering this is about a 180 from the universal norm, could this be a neurodivergent thing? | aspergers |
The title kinda says a lot of it but my parents refuse to research OCD, depression or anxiety even though I’ve been diagnosed for just under a year now. I was gonna let them kinda make their way there by themselves but I just had to explain to them again that OCD is not necessarily just about cleaning and that just because I’m not bedbound doesn’t mean I’m not severely depressed.
I honestly don’t really know how to talk to them about this. I wasn’t really expecting my dad to look into it but I’m kinda shocked with my mom’s behavior. Every time I have corrected her or a few of my other relatives behavior they have acted like it’s my responsibility to educate them on OCD, and continue to do so even though I have had the same conversation with the 1000 times. I’ve tried so hard to help them along but it’s getting difficult having them ridicule me -sometimes publicly- because of my reactions to triggers and then get upset because they “don’t understand” why I am the way I am. It’s so hard to keep spending time with them but they’re still my family and I like some of them.
Im sorry if this doesn’t really belong here I just don’t really know where else I can put something like this. It’s causing a lot of problems for me mentally but I honestly don’t know that they care enough to change the way they act but I just can’t keep going on like this. Any advice would be much appreciated! | OCD |
So I've been struggling with low self esteem since I was....14 (I think) and recently my parents have advised me to get help from a therapist which I agreed on since my low self esteem was heavily impacting my academic achievements to the point where I'm, without my consent, self-sabotaging myself and getting low grades because of this.
Now a little bit of context: Sup I'm Ash I have Asperger's syndrome but this hasn't been officially tested. The reason for this is because in my country people with Asperger's have a significantly higher chance to get rejected for; job applications, bank loans, etc. I've been given the diagnosis
"You show significant signs of autistic behaviour however you can decide to get tested however having this on your medical record could bring complications into your adult life" so me and my parents had decided I didn't get officially tested.
Now onto my therapist: Myself and her were on a phonecall recently in which me and her were discussing an appointment and she said without knowing "You do show signs of autistic behaviour" like excuse me?? How are you this good at your job?? I simply brushed it off but still
TL DR: My therapist noticed my Autism while this isn't on my medical records | aspergers |
Because I have a physical disability and got called every name in the book, mainly the ones revolving around bring "retarded", and it really fucks with me emotionally because I question myself daily. I've never ever been diagnosed with any developmental disorder and been tested for it many times. My mom started to become delusional and would be convinced I was "retarded" with "a mind of an 11 year" and would go to doctors, only to have THEM tell her that's not the case- and then it got worst and she believed I was an animal mutant. Really fucking hurts and it haunts me
The only reason why I don't know how to do things as an adult is because she taught me NOTHING about it, and would try to keep me stuck inside as much as possible. I am too scared to even cook because she used to constantly take over whenever I tried and tell me how I'd mess up anyways. It takes a great toll on me mentally. Only recently, at age 19 fucking years old, I went to Wal Mart on my own the first time. It was terrible btw, it was so scary. I felt like an idiot the whole time. It went as far as her trying to bathe me and wash me because she didn't think I could do it on my own.
I like age regression because like for many, it makes me feel safe and happy. I like collecting and cutesy items, but now it's also a burden for me because Im reminded of things. BPD is like a personality identity crisis lmao, different moods all the time and other bullark. It really fucks with you.
Anyone else kinda dealing with the same thing? I have Moebius Syndrome so I doubt someone out there is dealing with the EXACT same thing- but anyone dealing with something similar?? I saw a meme about BPD and trauma and how it makes you feel so much younger than you are- which reminded me of my situation. It feels nice knowing I'm not the only one with this issue, though I wish no one had to suffer. | ptsd |
Which clothing storage systems have worked for you? Like so many here, hanging and folding+dresser storage and been a lifelong difficulty. I keep dreaming of some sort of pegboard and basket system but haven’t seen anything like it in action. Also, I’m so apprehensive to invest in an entire system, only to abandon it a few months or years down the line. (Or worse, abandoning before completion.)
I’m considering taking the doors off of my closet to start. Has open storage been helpful for any of you? | ADHD |
I just got diagnosed yesterday. I’m picking up my Adderall this afternoon. Most of the research I’ve done is on the side effects of the medication. Just trying to get an idea of what to expect. Do you feel less forgetful? Are intrusive/repetitive thoughts more manageable? Do you feel a lessened need to stim? Do you feel calmer? Whatever benefits you immediately noticed, let me know. | ADHD |
So I just came onto this subreddit today. I've read the rules and I'm not entirely sure if I'm allowed to post this, but I just wanted to share my experiences to see if anyone else had similar ones. The way my body has been reacting to the medications has me a bit confused, so again, just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.
I'm 25, and I was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago. I met with a psychiatrist and was prescribed medications 3 weeks ago. I first started on generic adderall. The experience, when it was good, was life changing. I did everything I wanted to do. I attended all my lectures. Distractions couldn't distract me, which is an incredibly big deal to me because if my phone vibrates while I'm attempting to study I HAD to react and go down a rabbit hole for hours. Next thing you know, it's late and I've barely put a dent in the lecture I was on. But with adderall, a vibration of the phone, a loud noise, social media, none of it even registered to me while I was trying to complete something. It was like miracle drug. However, after the first three days of it, I noticed it wasn't doing anything in terms of focus or motivation anymore. I still knew it was working, because I had an eery calmness that was definitely not part of my normal self. It's very possible that burnout after a lot of hours of studying the previous days and lack of sleep do to early morning classes attributed to this (which I mentioned to my psychiatrist), but overall it just wasn't working the way I wanted it to. Going into the weekend at the end of my first week on adderall (10mg twice a day), I noticed the effects returned. I cleaned my whole house and did a bunch of other things I wanted to do but normally could never bring myself to do. But then once more, after about 3 days or so the effects vanished.
Here is my first question, has anyone else had problems with inconsistency of their medication? I couldnt find anything through Dr. Google about people experiencing the effects on and off while being medicated, and honestly that doesn't even make sense to me.
At my follow up with my psychiatrist, he noted that I should improve my sleep, but also wanted to switch me to Dexedrine (d-amphetamine) to see if that has a better effect on me. Since I had no side effects with adderall, he figured we should stay in the amphetamine family but try a new form.
I started the first day with just one dose of 5 mg in the morning. It had no effect whatsoever, couldn't even tell I took a medication. The next two days was the same dosage twice a day. Same thing, might as well have taken a placebo. I messaged my psychiatrist and he said he wanted to try 10mg twice a day. Today is my second day trying that. Through all 4 doses, I can actually tell that I took a drug at least, but it hasn't tackled the problems I need to take care of. Maybe it's actually made me less focused because I've been hyper-focused on things I shouldn't be doing (like perusing this subreddit and writing a post) for hours instead of being productive and doing the things I want and need to do.
So my second question is, and it's kind of random and not super relevant to this post, has anyone here had no reaction to dexedrine, but find positive effects from vyvanse? Since they're both dextroamphetamine, I would assume that if one didn't work for you, the other wouldn't either. Curious if anyone's actually experienced both when one didn't work.
So anyway, I messaged my psychiatrist again since he asked me to check in and told him it's not working. He's now going to have me try Evekeo, with the rationale being that since dextro didnt work at all, and 75da/25la worked inconsistenly, the logical next step is to move towards the 50/50 formulation. Which makes perfect sense to me.
Which brings me to my final question. I'd be interested to know if anyone has had a similar experience as me. Dr. Google informed me that dextroamphetamine works a lot better than levo-amphetamine. However, if what my psychiatrist is surmising is correct, I'm reacting more the levo than the dextro. Have any of you experienced something similar, reacting more as the mixture of the amphetamines went towards one end of the spectrum?
Anyway sorry for the huge wall of text, I think this is just my way of procrastinating for my test. Hopefully I'm allowed to post this, as I'd love to feel like I'm not alone with how I'm reacting! | ADHD |
22F I was going to start my disassociation therapy but then my therapist quit and also going through my memories over and over again felt quite draining and I dont have time to juggle studying and healing at the same time I feel like I am feeling my worst right now and I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone and also feel so empty and numb and feel so alone like no one understands what im going through or cares or wants to help me. I got a new therapist but she wasnt that great and I got tired and quit
I dont have any supportive family or friends. All my supportive friends are internet friends and they can only distract me so much not the same impact as someone in real life would have with me. I haven’t been eating or doing anything in my days. Im back to university again in thursday but I dont feel ready or good | ptsd |
I am just completely unable to watch anything with another person in the room. It doesn’t matter if it’s a movie, youtube video, or even a cutscene. I just hate the feeling. I have no idea what causes it. I used to think it was just being insecure about my interests, but I feel the same way if someone else tries to put something on. Even songs, I have to work up the courage and psyche myself up just to throw something on the aux cord. | aspergers |
Today I was officially diagnosed with OCD for the fourth time in my life. Basically was told there’s no arguing it, absolutely no doubt and a solid OCD diagnosis. But… the OCD is still finding every loop hole to discourage that. It’s aggravating. | OCD |
I don't usually give cheesy exercises of thought a chance because of my bad attitude to such things. I discount or won't even start. It's worth a shot. On Alexa, the talking thing that plays music has n exercise called "Self Affirmation" It might have helped simply as to listen and repeat what she tells you to. LIke "I'm open to love and joy" or "I'm appreciative for what I have. True, if I spent as much time being thankful for what I do have instead of what I don't I would be much better off.. On a down day, I wouldn't even bother to be on here or use that app. But if it can help anyone in here, that is enough for me. Depression isn't a joke. | depression |
Like, I’ll see someone who pays attention to me .. especially if it’s good attention and I’ll get attached to them and think about them for days or weeks?!
Then at one point I come out of it and realise that they’re just another person and I’ll be over them just as fast. | aspergers |
Though I haven’t gotten officially diagnosed (I’m scared to do so), I’m almost 100% sure I have OCD. Sometimes when I place an item down, I’ll keep moving it until it feels right. If I don’t do that, I start having an onslaught of intrusive thoughts. This ritualistic process also happens with my phone. For instance, I like my screen at full brightness, but I’ll constantly keep tapping on the bar (in a specific order or way) as if to change it even thought it’s already at max brightness. I do this with many other phone settings (such as my ringer or volume) even though they’re already at their desired point. I keep making sure they haven’t changed despite knowing they won’t.
This process happens with a variety of things such as my clothes or accessories. I have to wear my bracelet with a certain bead in a specific place, otherwise it feels wrong. I also make sure my underwear and shorts are perfectly symmetrical. When I put on socks, I always make sure they’re perfectly lined up too. When I don’t do any of these things, it feels very wrong or off, and I get hit with a wave of negative thoughts/emotions. Sometimes, I have to touch or make sure of certain things multiple times before it feels right.
I even have a few physical symptoms. I have minor hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) which tends to get a lot worse if I have a lot of anxiety or stress at that point in time. I’ll also occasionally bite my nails (sometimes even messing up my nail polish), but It’s not too bad. The worst physical symptom I have to go through is morsicatio buccarum (excessive biting of the inner cheek) though. When I’m stressed or anxious, I bite or chew on the right side of my inner cheek over and over. I often rarely notice that I’m doing it until it becomes painful or swollen. I can even feel the difference between the unaffected side and the side I bite and chew on.
I can’t pinpoint when all of this started happening, but I think I know the cause. I don’t want to get into details, but my parents had a messy divorce about 4 years ago. This event caused me a lot of mental trauma and took away a lot of my happiness/innocence. A lot of my friends think I’m a cold person, and that’s why. It gave me a much darker sense of humor and a far worse/bleak outlook on life (and love obviously). I try to conceal my emotions because of the specific events I saw happen in that divorce. I think all of those bottled up emotions express themselves in the form of OCD and other possible mental illnesses that I may have.
Do you think I have OCD? If so, would it be wrong to self diagnose myself with it despite the symptoms I’ve shown? What should I do in this situation if I do have it? | OCD |
This will maybe sound rude, but I do not mean it to be. Does anybody find therapy to actually help? A friend suggested I go, and I tried, because I felt bad for bothering him so often. It is not fair for me to burden someone else if I am unhappy. But my parents used to force me to go, and I could not stand feeling of going back. And to be honest, the people who seem to find therapy helpful often seem, to me, very reactive; something bad happens and they get sucked into a thought vortex. But I am alone so often, and so detached from life, if I get sucked into a thought vortex, it is because I have already weighed all other options, and the vortex is the least bad of all my possible options. When I go to the therapist, they say all the arguments I already thought of, and I give them the logic I already went through, and they end up stumped. It seems like a waste of money and time, But my friend finds it helpful, and he is probably the most careful thinker I know.
If I am very unhappy, sometimes if someone I like and respect says something kind to me, it will help a bit. But this is not because they revealed anything to me, it is just that their encouragement gives the more positive arguments floating around in brain more weight. Therapists, I am sure, are great people, but they do not mean anything to me. So it does not help if they are kind, all that happens if I talk is that I feel disgusted with myself for giving in to their pressure, and resentful to them because they only say things I already thought through many times. | aspergers |
Hey, new here. I take 60mg of fluoxetine which helps the anxiety side of things but I still find myself preoccupied with compulsive things like repeating actions etc. Don’t know anyone else with OCD so basically my question is what else has helped? (Edit) Thanks for the feedback, I think I’ll talk to my nurse about exposure therapy | OCD |
I'm a computer science major in college right now, and I'm having a bit of a rough go of it. It's finals week, which sucks, and I have a ridiculous amount of make-up work to get done before winter break starts on Friday (because I procrastinated a ton of work and let it build up). Yesterday, I hyper-focused on a CS project for 9 and a half hours, only to get a 10/200 (yes, really) on it because a small error caused my program to crash. I'm feeling really helpless and overwhelmed, and my ADHD is making it really hard to get ANYTHING done because I feel like it's just pointless. So I was wondering, does anyone have any suggestions for possible ways to overcome this? | ADHD |
TLDR: I found a video about how the hormonal cycle affects productivity in people who menstruate, the link to the video, I also thought how I could adapt seasonal thinking of the cycle into managing my ADHD, some explanation as to who this affects the most and I’d like to know your thoughts on this.
I found a video about how the hormonal cycle affects productivity in people who menstruate. In the video, youtuber the Bliss Bean (I don’t know their name) talks about the seasons of the cycle. They say that we might benefit from planning our life starting from the first day of the cycle rather than the first day of the month. I have ADHD, so monthly planning isn’t really a thing in my life, but the intuitive planning according to my cycle sounds like it could be. It sounds exactly that: intuitive.
The link to the video: [“What most productivity advice doesn't tell you...”](https://youtu.be/xkqiGURH2tA)
I also thought how I could adapt this knowledge into managing my ADHD. If my hormones dictate when I’m most productive, I can plan my must do’s for those times aka seasons. And I could plan breaks and rejuvenation for the time, or the season, my body supports it. This way I might be able to lessen the exhaustion due to ADHD. Just the thought of taking some of the pressure off right before menstruation sounds logical and - if I’m perfectly honest - right. My hypothesis is this way I wouldn’t feel so guilty all the time because I’m failing my own expectations on a regular basis. I might even succeed in a planned manner. And knowing myself better, I’d be able to have more empathy for myself.
Of course, hormonal cycle is something all people go through, but this is especially true those of us who menstruate, have an uterus or are going through hormonal treatments. Now, I have an uterus, but don’t menstruate due to a contraceptive device. This device affects the hormones only locally, so I still experience the hormonal cycle with all its PMS glory.
Any thoughts? | ADHD |
To add context, I've noticed that my OCD would be less worse when I was around aquaintances as I wasn't able to be entirely stuck in my head if I wanted to interact with them. I know this isn't the case for everyone as we all have different OCD themes. However, is there something in your life that makes OCD back away for the period of time you are exposed to it? | OCD |
I literally rage quit 2 jobs because I couldn’t handle the multitasking. The constant jumping around from task to task turns me into an aggressive chimpanzee. | aspergers |
35/M
*(I don't know where I land between ADHD/Autism, I was told ADD when I was in elementary school, I'm supposed to see a doctor next year at the earliest.)*
I know I'm different, but I can't observe myself to really "get it". I spend so much energy trying to curve my annoying habits, trying to fit in, trying to participate, trying to be someone people want around them; but I think I'm just burning out spinning my wheels and warring out peoples patients.
I think I'm a good person, good intentions, I try to be the best person/friend I can be, but it's not enough if I'm constantly on peoples nerves. My friends tolerate me at best. Does that make them bad friends? I don't think so, you can't force people to like you, I know I would be treated better/not writing this, if I fit in better with them/social groups.
How am I annoying/wearing on people? I only know a few things I do, but fail very often to catch myself doing them, or even realize.
1. Of course my attention is poor, which I'm told can seem like I'm disinterested/bored in what is going on at the time, which can seem, rude/disrespectful/etc... but even when I am interested I'm told this is how I am seen.
2. I get laser focused on the wrong thing and drop everything else around it, or vise versa: so... I dunno I'm given a task to do like I dunno grabbing snacks for a movie, and I will spend all my time focused on getting "the best" of one thing, maybe fail even doing that, meanwhile everyone else is waiting for me back at the car cause they got all the other things done, and the whole point was to get to the show on time, meanwhile my dumbass is focused on getting the best snack food for people to appreciate, but not the point at all of the event. Or the opposite, so focused on the main task I'll neglect the smaller ones. meanwhile there is only so many seats in the car, and I end up not being invited more and more. And I get it, I don't blame them, people can only be so understanding. 2.1 I am getting left out more and more, and or just as much as always but my ability to endure it is waning, it's eating me alive these days.
3. I also feel like I'm loosing my ability to talk to people; already lacking in that skill in the first place. This is going to be very hard to explain... I feel like I'm not very fun to talk to, boring, cut/dry... I dunno... it's like I can easily talk about subjects and have very well thought out interesting points(who likes listening to lectures and debates all the time?), but... small talk or trying to joke around is very lacking; what I find "humorous" is narrow for that matter too, and the things I find funny are very absurd and often a very stretch of a tangent to something really distant and specific in my mind, and so no one else finds it funny. Like... someone farts at random, then I think of some long boring tangent very slightly related to that and try and participate in the joke of the moment... annnd sap the fun out of the air in doing so. So usually I try and say nothing and just laugh along... which isn't the worst thing... but if I do something funny and people poke at it, like friends should, I have no comebacks, just a dumb/blank expression.
4. Dealing with strangers/dating... man... I may have all these above disadvantages, but... it really stacks against me when people just... don't say anything... like I have to carry the entire conversation it feels like... trying to get them to talk back, to show interest in talking with me... again is beyond me. Yes I will just pause and see if they pickup the ball but no... never. It's not always the case, but most of the time it's just painful trying to keep a back and fourth going... how much of this is my fault... I don't know.
5. Reading people. it's very hit or miss for me, being able to read a room, read a mood, pickup hints, etc. I am often very oblivious and or gullible. So... if there is a hint/que in the air, I often power through it or fail to see it entirely, the difference being if I power through it, it means I may have seen something there but ignored it because of trying to forward my own priorities (like... if people were hinting they wanted pizza, but in my mind I wanted sushi, so because they were being indirect/subtle about that, I order the sushi; if they were just blunt about what they wanted I would respect and follow through).
These are only the bits I know of. It amazes me that I can't see when I'm about to do them, do them, and can't stop doing them. Even on a good day, maybe I'm doing pretty well at curbing these habits... but then at the end I end up stumbling on something and pissing everyone off... What's also bad, is all the energy spent trying to curb myself, paralyzes me... can't screw up if you don't do anything after all right? but no one wants to hang out with a house plant, or at the very least, makes me very unremarkable/forgettable. So basically no mater what I do ends up hurting myself and everyone around me.The older I get the rustier I get on top of it; sometimes I think being able to practice my social skills may be the best/only way to improve my weaknesses... but I get few and far between opportunities to do so.
I don't know what is left to try, or if I'm just utterly stuck programmed this way... which feels very true these days.Help? | ADHD |
y’all, i’m so proud of myself for this. like,, despite my adhd, i did well enough to get into a pretty competitive college (30% acceptance rate with regular decision) with an average GPA above a 4.0 and a pretty high average SAT. also, my college counselor was like “oh you shouldnt mention your adhd in your essay” but i DID and i STILL got accepted!! i was honestly so scared that i’d be rejected bc rejection is hard— i even had a plan where my best friend would have to make sure i would be safe for the next few weeks. but i made it in!!!
sorry this is all over the place,, just a few thoughts— I’M SO HAPPY THOUGH AHHHHH | ADHD |
I’ve been experiencing tics since I can remember mildly and severe
I never know if it’s related or not but I feel so embarrassed talking about it to family when I’ve already had to explore my intrusive thoughts | OCD |
Basically the title. I'm in an awful state of mind right now and have to go to work soon. Any funny jokes or memes would be greatly appreciated. | depression |
Tw (mention of child sexual abuse) I'm a victim of child sexual abuse I struggle with PTSD, social anxiety and depression. I've had some progress with therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. But it still didn't help my triggers at all. My triggers are nudity, being grabbed by my arms or wrists, touching my hands, and erect penises. Also if someone bulldozes over me emotionally I feel victimised. So I avoid any confrontation at all and can appear too submissive and agreeable for a man. All of the above make my life quite difficult, I cannot be intimate with people I'm attracted to. For example if I see a man without a shirt on a street, I will turn around and go in the opposite direction. I cannot trust anyone and often feel like they're about to attack me.
Recently I've read 'the body keeps the score' and I had several aha moments. Even though I had progress mental health wise, my body is still stuck in a frightened emotion. I have neck and shoulders tension and I walk with my fists clenched. I've read that CBT was quite ineffective in helping childhood sexual abuse victims and I think I'm one of them. I'm thinking taking advice from that book. I got interested in taking mdma lol, although my experience with medication is pretty bad, had 3 attempts on lithium and prozac. I just wanted to hear what do you guys think about the book, did you read it and did it help you? | ptsd |
Backstory. Wife and I recently separated. All amicable. She moved back to her parents and I stayed in the family home. I have psychotic depression. I'm addicted to speed and benzos as well as being on antidepressants and antipsychotics. Ive dappled in opiates. Ex wife is taking dog for a week. From Friday im on annual leave until Jan 4th. So this Fridsy is meant to be when I start speed detox and continue Benzo detox.
However. Do I:
(A) take time off from responsibility to detox and withdraw safely.
(B) take as many drugs as I can get my hands on then detox.
(C) go suicidal on speedballs, benzos and sleep tabs.
(D) use saving to run away to Paris for three months or so, withdraw from all legal and illegal drugs. Drain my depression in the hauntinfly beautiful.
(E)fuck it top yourself. I live with a suicide note on my floor. Just incase. | depression |
Hi everyone. So I went to the psychiatrist yesterday and was diagnosed with ocd. I am sorry for bringing God into this as I know not all of you believe.
I am Christian and I love Jesus with all my heart, but my ocd keeps attacking Him. About a week ago my ocd came up with a new phrase saying "f*** you Holy Spirit" and I keep trying to counter it by saying "I love you Holy Spirit" or "fu** you devil" or "fu** you holy sporotis (Its extremely weird I know.) The thing is, I say these things *out loud* to counter my thought in my head. It feels like my ocd wants to say it so bad but I keep pushing it away, and sometimes the thought does come through my head and then i feel extremely guilty, because I am afraid of blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
Please dont ask me to leave my religion. I just wanted to know if anyone else struggles with repeating things out loud. | OCD |
So lately I’ve been experiencing something with my ocd that I guess wouldn’t exactly be false memory because there are no real memories, but rather I will just question things that just happened and wonder if I did something completely crazy and just forgot. I’ve struggled for a long time with a fear of being arrested and locked away forever. I’m crying tonight. I’m on vacation and have been triggered in some way shape or form everyday since being here. Here are some examples, 1. We drive past cameras at a border checkpoint. I afterward start questioning if I did something inappropriate on camera that could be perceived in such a way that could get me in trouble legally. Did I expose myself to the cameras? I know I didn’t, but what if I did? 2. I got stuck babysitting a family members kid for just 20 minutes because grandma was running late. Then BOOM I started questioning wether I did anything wrong while watching him to harm him in any way. I know I didn’t. All I did was sit him in the high chair and give him some baby snacks until grandma arrived but my brain starts to create all of these what ifs of awful things that I “could have “ done. I finally moved past that and accepted that I did absolutely nothing wrong. Tonight I went to a nieces birthday party. There were kids everywhere, including my 3 young kids who I was caring for the entire time at the party. I did drink 2 beers. HUGE mistake because anytime I drink, I feel even more so like I can’t trust my own memories. So of course after leaving the birthday party I started questioning if at any point during the party I did anything inappropriate to any of the kids. In case you haven’t figured it out, I also struggle from pocd. I started trying to reassure myself by ruminating over everything that happened the entire party but of course because I had drank, there were some gaps in my memory but also, even the parts that were clear, I question if I’m just remembering it all wrong or forgetting some awful thing I did. So now I’ve spent all night crying and thinking that I must have done something inappropriate and I’ll be getting arrested at anytime over the next few days. Does anyone else struggle with just questioning nearly every memory and constantly feeling like maybe you did something wrong/illegal? | OCD |
Im tired of being exposed to competition unwillingly. When surfing the net, watching TV, it's full of something agitates people like Your effort is not enough. They say something makes me wonder how many people can lead that life? Maybe top 5%? They seem to want to say there’s no other way than to enter top university and make a significant amount money. But what's most horrible is so many people agree on that. Its so disgusting. I dont know what motivates them so much towards thier life. | depression |
It's not like I'm physically unable to, it's just that I find it difficult to judge when exactly something is officially "dirty". Sometimes things just become visual white noise after a while and by the time it's made its presense known, my brain just thinks it's always been that way even though I know that's not true, so I can't really figure out what I can do to get something clean.
Hopefully, what I just said makes any sense what so ever, but yeah. Executive functioning tends to beat my ass when it come to this specific thing, and rest assured my mind gets blown whenever I see someone else clean, haha. | aspergers |
I have extreme OCD mainly metaphysical OCD , along with physical contamination OCD.
I have basically been given a choice between Mirtazapine (15mg) vs Clomipramine (25mg)
if anyone has experience with both or even either of these
1) Which helps with OCD the most
2) Which has worse side effects | OCD |
I’m really mentally struggling with this at the moment.
I’m trying to live by the mantra of ‘if something isn’t affecting your productivity then there’s no reason to tidy it’, but I’m still so strangely black and white with everything!
I don’t keep to-do lists for this very reason as they give me anxiety, as I have such fucked up perfectionism.
It’s almost like I have an identity crisis when tidying my laptop! If I start tidying files I can’t rest until EVERYTHING is in its place… Instead, I just end up leaving all my files because it’s less mentally draining…. How do you strike the balance??? | OCD |
I'm a vet and recently I've been thinking about starting a family with my husband. For a few years now because of my trauma which is related to my service loud noise (backfiring cars, lightning, fireworks etc) cause me to freekout and often drop things and I'm afraid that if we do have a child I might accidentally drop them when I hear someone slam a door to loud or someone shouts near me. I don't know if this is nothing or a fear that once in I could easily overcome but I am scared to hold kids (even some of my younger brothers an sisters). Any thoughts or maybe parents who have had similar thoughts or issues would be appreciated. | ptsd |
Or a time you praised your own work.
No buts or humbleness! Just tell
Me a time where you were kind to yourself and how it felt | depression |
im scared that ive hurt or a***sed someone even though i know this hasnt happened. im scared ive done somthing and i dont remember it. does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this?? | OCD |
Most people with harm OCD get the thoughts with visual things like knives or other sharp objects. Those things definitely trigger mine, but sometimes I get the thoughts out of nowhere or when looking at someone. Also, today I was browsing through the mental illness subreddit and came across a post about a person who was playing video games a lot and got yelled at a lot by his grandma for it. Before the post expanded it said something like “I couldn’t help but ...” and my mind immediately jumped to this person feeling the urge to harm his grandmother. I thought I was crazy and it frightened me a little bit and when I clicked on the post to see if that’s what it was, I got more upset when it wasn’t because it made me feel like I was even crazier. I do not want this person to harm any of his family members, I just felt upset that that is what my mind jumped to when that’s not what it was at all. Is this OCD??? | OCD |
My mom was helping my brother with his assessment for the therapy program he’s starting and realized that *she* might have ocd.
She told me that it explained a lot of things that she struggles with but was too scared of people thinking she was “crazy” to tell anyone about. So she’s doing more research on it herself.
I told her a little bit about my experiences and we bonded over it.
This is honestly weird to me because she’s never been really understanding about mental health stuff but I hope she gets help for it.
It’s also kind of wild that all three of us (probably) have it. | OCD |
It's 3am and I can't sleep yet again. I have the compulsion to open my eyes every time I close them for more than the time it takes to blink. As I'm sure you can imagine this makes it incredibly difficult to sleep. Even when I'm tired I cant get to sleep easily because I have to keep opening my eyes and checking the room around me to make sure no one/no thing is in my room with me waiting to get me. I should mention I also have PTSD and I also have really bad hypervigilance at night as well. I'm pretty positive the PTSD and OCD just feed each other and just combined make my nights a living hell. Idk what to do anymore, I've tried everything I can think of outside of prescription sleep aids. I don't really want to be on anymore medications but maybe I should? Idk... Just tired and want to sleep peacefully for once in my life... | OCD |
This video is so true it makes me cry. I struggle to express what I’ve been through. Even talking about it to others is so hard and laborious. I immediately either regret it or feel terribly judged and scrutinized, especially since mine has dealt with such taboo and overall disgusting, awful, subjects. I really think that is another reason why I become afraid of making music, of singing, of putting myself out there. Because I know for a fact so many people will never understand what I’ve struggled with, and will probably judge and attack me for it. I never want my experiences with mental illness to be weaponized against me. I think that’s the biggest pain I carry, the thing that ultimately separates me from others in such a deep way. It’s knowing that even among others with mental disorders, mine is hardly ever discussed or even talked about outside of the ocd community. I thought I could somehow overcome my fears by escaping as other people, but all that did was make the feelings of shame/regret I have now worse. So many people feel okay and liberated to share their stories, but I would feel terrified to say what I have went through, and be so open about my experiences. Because I just imagine them being used against me. https://youtu.be/lkmbAR2ifZU | OCD |
I just want to know from those who have experienced this how do you get help for this and when you do what is it like? The last thing i would want is to get help only to be misunderstood and have my life ruined. | OCD |
I'm not able to think much but I want to get rid of how I'm feeling | depression |
So, to start off, I have been diagnosed, my doctor has said I have OCD, but I’ve seen the ways that some obsess over security, or a feature of themselves, but I obsess over germs, the most cliche OCD thing, like I touch something “dirty” and I *have* to wash my hands, I panic if I don’t or can’t, start fidgeting etc. am I invalid for this weird cliche thing? Sorry if this seems stupid I just don’t wanna be hated on if I seem to be just a germaphobe | OCD |
Don't get me wrong, HFA's have every right to discuss their feelings with any other aspergers.
But make no mistake, the experience and difference of treatment in society someone gets with moderate to heavier aspergers, as compared to high functioning autists, is different like day and night. People with more severe autism or aspergers are experiencing great levels of social, discrimination hatred, and in the case of men severe ostracism in the dating scene.
I feel sad when people who are on the more severe side of the scale post their problems here, and neurotypicals or HFA's start calling them names and victim blaming them. Or even creep shaming them just for saying men and women avoid them like the plague the moment they open their mouth, despite observing perfect hygiene, having clean clothes etc.
Even if they are posting about being a target by NT's or even getting fired due to their aspergers/autism, there are often apologetics telling the non-neurotypical to just "NT up".
Most of society is neurotypical and expresses considerable hostility and bullying towards people on the "heavier" end of the autism scale. There is no need to bring that patronizing and hatred on the internet on one of the only boards where they feel welcome.
Nobody goes on a sub for fibromyalgia, cancer or alzheimers and blames people for memory loss or constant pain. Why is it socially acceptable to ostracize aspergers, who might be in just as much pain (and may commit suicide at a much higher rate than someone with a physical disease)?
I'm asking for people to treat non-highly functioning autists and aspergers with common decency and respect. Unfortunately, even on this sub the general attitude to many of them is very condescending, hateful and seething with toxicity.
At least try to overcome your tribal programming and treat these people (mostly males, self-professed females rarely seem to get any of this hatred) with basic human dignity. If not elsewhere, then at least on the single subreddit they're supposed to feel safe on.
\-A neurotypical parent of someone with "severe" autism, who can still socialize, work and study | aspergers |
It’s almost been a year (to the day) now.
I thought I’d managed to deny that it happened.
Or that I would be able to dissociate my way past the trauma. There would be no grief.
But now I’m reliving it in my sleep. Reliving you.
And it haunts me. | ptsd |
I feel like people wont stop taking advantage 0f you until you hurt or kill someone. I am aware that I can commit brutal acts of violence by I don't want to. Everyday it becomes clearer that violence towards my aggressors won't make me feel better but aleast they will stop fucking me over.i just want to die so I don't have to deal with this shit everyday. | ptsd |
My thoughts of things that really disgust me and make me uncomfortable come up more when I am doing something more significant or important and lead to me mentally going crazy and touching my chest or something dumb like that fucking shit I am on a fuck ton of Zoloft and it helped it for a bit but now they’re back fuck | OCD |
My OCD isn't very distressing as I've seen it with other people. if I can't compulse it will definitely annoy me but I won't get really freaked out if I ended my steps on an even number or anything and it's making me think I'm just taking everything and that I'm just doing it for quirks or attention.
even though I've had symptoms from my childhood that I've only just realised were OCD
and I realize it could be a constant intrusive thought I have but it's still just distressing because I always ALWAYS want to be a good person, and having the thought that I'm faking and manipulating eveyone makes me more horrible than not compulsing.
so idk, does anyone else have this? | OCD |
I don’t take my meds because I want to be able to be myself around others and that makes me happy. But then I do bad in school because I’m unable to get work done and that makes me sad and I don’t want to be around others. So to fix that I take my meds and do well in school but then I have no energy to go out and that makes me sad. :( | ADHD |
I have been taking the generic Concerta 36mg (Camber) for a few weeks but the improvement differs every day. Sometimes I can feel it wearing off early in the late afternoon but sometimes I can also feel it working in the late night. My doctor suggested me to try the methylphenidate at 40mg while I just found out it’s Ritalin LA 40mg instead of Concerta. I did some research online and it seems like the effects might be similar, while Concerta is smoother and lasts for a longer time (~10 hours compared to Ritalin LA which lasts ~8 hours). But I’m still curious about the personal experience. Has anyone tried both Concerta and Ritalin LA? How was your experience?
(P.S. I’m also not sure if there’s much difference between the generic and the brand for Ritalin LA - the brand one seems really expensive though... would appreciate any experience from y’all!) | ADHD |
My friend is suicidal because his parents are abusive. He's the reason that I was cured from depression and I don't want to lose him as a friend, please tell me what to do! | depression |
I have very deep mental compulsions around things and they have eaten me up inside and fucked up my whole world how do i stop this? | OCD |
Hey everyone. My girlfriend and I have been together for around 8 months and everything has been great. Recently she has been in a pretty depressed state, the past month or so. Shes throwing up when she eats on purpose, no motivation to do anything, sleeping a lot and it feels like she has been more distant from me. I have talked to her and she wants to get help and she swears up and down this has nothing to do with me. She said she isn’t exactly sure why but she just has been feeling super down. I want to do my best to help her but I feel so helpless in this situation because I know I can’t really do much. Is there anything I can do for her to help support her and get her through this? I care about her so much but I have been feeling very distant from her as a result from this. Sex life dropped off. She has been in a bad mood, just wanting to sleep the past few times we hung out. Not sure if this maybe means it DOES have something to do with me or if these could just be based off her depression even if it doesn’t have to do with me. Any advice? Really need some help with this. | depression |
I feel genuinely sorry for the new guy at work who has to learn from me. The first phase of me teaching him went well because I had my work prepared in advance, it was me sitting at the computer and just narrating my regular work. Done.
Now we're at the stage where it is him doing the tasks and I just have to correct/navigate him, and honestly I feel almost as confused as he does. I stutter all the time, I forget words and mix English into my first language, it's a fking mess.
I'm not even mentioning regular conversations or "surprise talking" where letters in my words get scrambled or stuck in my throat most of the time.
I don't know if there's anything that could help me process situations easier, but if you know about anything, please let me know. Thank you and stay safe ♥ | aspergers |
So I just got prescribed zoloft and started it 3 days ago. I was so terrified to start but finally did. But then idk if it was like a placebo effect but I actually felt better the next 2 days (not perfect but less anxiety). For the past few months I have been struggling a lot with anxiety and specifically what I hope was HOCD. I barely had a clear mind for 30 secs before something to worry about would pop into my head. I could never b fully happy bc the thought of me possibly being lesbian was dooming me. I started having panic attacks. I am thinking that maybe I did not try hard enough before taking the meds. Maybe I was just forcing myself to have anxiety for attention and now feeling better bc of a placebo? I don’t want to take them if I don’t need them bc I have an eating disorder and I am terrified of weight gain. | OCD |
I haven’t been able to hold a job for more than a few months bc I can only be Normal™️ for a few weeks at a time, before self-sabotaging for at a least a week, then catching up and repeating the cycle all over again. I’ve been unemployed for almost a year now and I’m so tired. All I want is a chance to succeed in an environment that is adaptive to my disabilities. I can do what’s required, I just need to use a different roadmap/set-up.
I have no idea what field I want to work in now, let alone any that might accommodate me | aspergers |
I think something may have snapped a month ago. I’m constantly paranoid and have extreme trust issues. I found out some disturbing things from within my family and nothing is the same. Everyday I want it to end. Everyday I feel like someone is coming to get me. If I don’t get out of bed it keeps it at bay but lately even that is making me paranoid. I feel like there’s nothing else I can possibly do to stop these feelings and thoughts. | depression |
Just want to share my experience, maybe it will help someone! I am 28, diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. Started Strattera, and boy was it not right for me. Everyone is different but after I used that and it didn't work for me I felt really discouraged. I was concerned to try Adderall because of the stories I heard and didn't want to look or feel like I was on drugs. Well turns out I feel more not on drugs on Adderall than not, if that makes sense. It takes away my brain fog, I feel more "alive" like not spacing out when someone is talking to me or forgetting things all the time. I feel totally normal, no side effects on it at all. I save money on coffee because I don't need it anymore, before I would drink 6-8 shot lattes. It's not a magic pill, like it doesn't magically make me lose weight or clean my whole house. I still have to force myself to do things but once I get past that first step it helps a lot. I wish I would've got help for this a long time ago. And just some advice do not tell anyone about your meds. When you don't have ADHD Adderall makes you really high, so I've heard which is why I was hesitant to get on it. For me this was not the case at all. So good luck everyone I wish the best for all of you! | ADHD |
I’m 19 now and just started medication in early September and my life has changed alot for the better since then, concerta 36mg changed my brain and made me feel finally like a normal person after all my teens i felt so different. But now i cant help but feel depressed ab all my years i wasted before, and the fact that i was diagnosed last January but held off on taking medication bc of the bad stigma that there is around it on the internet. Im happy it changed my life but sometimes all i can think ab is what if i never decided to start it and how i would still be stuck how i was. Anyone else experienced this and has advice? Thanks so much. | ADHD |
I’m done. I’m just exhausted. I got a call from my ex husband saying how I’m a piece of shit and how I messed up my youngest daughters life. I couldn’t even try to explain or talk about it. Then I told him before I started my new job that I have to work every third weekend so there may be a time where I can not have both of my kids and or parenting time. He told me that my work has to obey it. But he won’t listen. He doesn’t pay my bills. I’m by myself and no one cares. I’m drowning in Financial ruin if I don’t work and pick up OT. I’m the one that looks like the asshole who wants to go to school. I’m just done. | depression |
What decides that in PTSD someone will be anxious or depressive? | ptsd |
Hey I’m not sure if this is a friends making subreddit, but my name is drake, and I’m 16 years old and I’m just looking for friends that love video games, if you’re interested at all dm me! | aspergers |
I've been between jobs (again) for the last 3 months and I've been more forgetful about things than I have in a long time. I'm heading to a car dealership to put give my resume to the manager, just to help my chances, and I just realized I left it on the counter and now I have to go back home. I didn't schedule any time with him, but this is like the 4th time in a week or two that I've been so negligent about things like this. It's starting to really bring me down. I know once I find a job this stuff should get better, but being someone who has tried to just "push through" my ADHD for about a decade (until recently), this kind of bs is just starting to fuck with my head more and more. | ADHD |
I’m tired of being a burden on my family. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of not being enough. My mom passed this year and everyone expects me to just get over it when she was the only one who cared unconditionally and loved me unconditionally. I have children and I do everything I can for them. They have all of their necessities and they get what they want for the most part. All though sometimes I don’t know how I’m gonna do it I always make ends meet. But someway somehow others make me feel like I’m not enough. I can’t afford lavish things ? I’m worthless. I scrape up all of the money left over to do something big for my kids? I shouldn’t have. I allow people to walk all over me and be the bigger person? I’m wrong and should speak up. I speak up? I’m wrong and shouldn’t react. Every time I start to get up they push me back down. I’m doing it alone and I try so hard. Yet it’s never enough. But I still push through because I have my kids. I hate that even after they treaT me badly I’m still there for everyone. I hate that no one cares. That I’m all alone and have no value. | depression |
Title. I'm feeling very suicidal lately and my psychiatrist is insisting to get me under a voluntary hold to check what it's the problem that I'm having but I refuse to get inpatient care because my mother will scold me and it'll worry everyone around me. I don't want to be a burden for others | depression |
Never fading. Always there. I hate waking up and feeling like this. I hate waking up. I don't want to be here anymore. All I can think about is killing myself. I have things to do but they never get done. I can't take care of myself. I can barely take of my cats. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be anymore. | depression |
I just have a quick question, and I was hoping for some real life experience answers. I'm in a lot of financial struggle, and I don't know if I'll make rent this month. Living barely paycheck-to-paycheck when all I want to do is provide for my wife has caused me untold levels of depression and anxiety, and I'm having trouble functioning and terrible, invasive thoughts I've never had before.
If I start on antidepressants, will they help me? I'm a big overthinker, and will always be very aware that the source of my depression/anxiety hasn't disappeared and is as real and dangerous as ever. Even so, will antidepressants help? | depression |
Nothing feels real anymore. My family dog is going to die soon. He is 9 years old and his heart is failing. I’m 20, he’s been with me for about half of my life. I was dumped about 6 months ago too and I’m just so sad and so stuck. I have hardly any friends and my OCD is getting worse. I feel depressed and have developed existential OCD. I’m quarantined and working from home. Every day feels the same. I feel like I lost a year of my life. I’m going back to college this fall (took a year off because of the pandemic). and I feel like I’m being shoved into a new phase of my life that I’m not ready for and I don’t know what it holds and it’s so scary.
I have existential OCD now and I just don’t know how to give and receive love from my parents and from my brother. I don’t know how to find meaning in my life right now. The weeks meld together. I love my family so much. And I love my dogs too. But I haven’t felt joy in so long. I relapsed on self harm yesterday. I just can’t stop thinking about death and how everyone I love is going to die one day and I’m going to die one day too. Life is also just so long and it feels so overwhelming. I don’t know why I’m here and I don’t know how I’m supposed to make the most of it. I can’t stop crying.
I don’t know what the point of this post is. But I keep depersonalizing and dissociating and nothing feels real. I don’t feel real and I don’t recognize the person I was a year ago anymore | OCD |
Hello, this is my first post on this subreddit. As suggested in the title, I've never been diagnosed with OCD. But my symptoms are pretty close to it. I will put some examples below. **The examples aren't the actual obsessions** **that I actually experience** \- but they will provide a good understanding of my symptoms.
\- **I keep looking for confirmation**. For example, the correct way to act when you get a nosebleed is to bend your head forward to remove the blood from the nostrils. **But I would keep doubting this fact.** Then I'd search many validated medical/scholarly articles + general confirmation from the internet. **However,** if I read ONE source (let's say from Reddit or something) that may disagree with the fact I am trying to support, I would start getting nervous and obsessing over everything. Even though like 20 other sources support my fact.
\- **Even after I confirm/validate something, my obsessions will come back in 2-3 days or so and the cycle of checking and confirming what I already know will repeat.**
\- **I also tend to think extremely deeply about my obsessions with too many weird/unconventional "What ifs?" in every possible scenario.**
\- **General levels of low-moderate anxiety and nervousness etc are all part of my daily routine**
Can anyone relate to the issues I've mentioned above? They are my major symptoms which I can think on the top of my head.
I am making this post because I am going through a phase of my obsessions right now and I thought getting this off my chest will help me a bit. | OCD |
i had this one friend 3 years ago when i was 15-16 years old and he said a racial slur as a joke sometimes and my mind is telling me that i also said the slur as well. like the first day i felt guilty for it, i felt absolutely sure that it happened but now that i think about it, i straight up can’t remember having done it at all but my mind still tells me i did?? like i know for a fact my ex-friend said it but i don’t know if i joined him or i’m lying to myself.. i’ve been trying to accept the uncertainty because i know i’m not racist and have never ever been and i’d never say that word but my ocd tells me that i don’t deserve love from my gf because of this. what do i do?? i feel like i’m lying to myself and that it’s actually true but i’m truly unsure | OCD |
Anyone else have a hard time dealing with certain temps? For me, the time of my life that fucked with me was very cold, and I was outside most of the time. Indoors weren't much better, I could see my breath in my bedroom and there was pretty much no way to heat it the room up. I'm moving to a place where winter's gonna be inevitable, and I haven't had to deal with a *real* one for a full 12 months.
Any one else feel like this? Any tips from people more experienced than me? | ptsd |
I think in my whole life I read like 2 books fully. I's hard for me even to read a small text, not talking about the long ones and especially fucking books. Everyone I know can read better and faster than me, I just get too exhausted and bored while reading, even if I had some interest initially.
It's fucking unbearable, I also do procrastinate a lot and I want to die. I think I can get kicked out of my because of it. In my country it's hard to get medication for ADHD and we don't have any amphetamines, as they're illegal.
My doctor doesn't think I have ADHD (for whatever reason), but I have almost certainly sure that I NEED these meds for normal living, as it gets just worse and I feel like shit. What do I do? Am I really faking my ADHD and just a lazy piece of crap, who needs to die? | ADHD |
so i recovered and it feels great i do get intrusive thoughts but i learnt to overcome them good luck guys
​
ps - have any questions ask me | OCD |
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