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Does anyone else get a weird feeling that you will have a meltdown soon. Whether it’s the next day or week, you can feel it creeping up. | aspergers |
I am extremely lucky, I have amazing insurance through my parents, and I can get a lot of things covered. But there is an app for Apple watches that is supposed to help with nightmares. They are only giving it to service people for free because “they need it most”. We all need it! And I don’t have $7,000 to shell out. But I don’t sleep, like ever, from the nightmares. I’m scared all the time. I’d kill for that app. Anyone else feel this frustration? And I’m the lucky one! So many people can’t even see therapists or get on meds. I’m on prazosin and I’m the only person my psych doc has ever seen it not work for. I’m frustrated and sad and hate this ass backward country I live in. | ptsd |
If my parents trigger me, they get mad at me for getting triggered because they have the “right” to do whatever they did that triggered me. Anybody else? | ptsd |
I’ve had OCD since I was 19 (27 now). Lasted a couple years and went away.
It got real bad again a few years when I got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s and developed health anxiety (for health issues that are very real).
I feel like this time around with OCD, It’s become a guilting, gaslighting variation of the disorder. Constantly ruminating, and guilting myself for negative thoughts or health anxiety. Ruminating on feelings, ruminating on why I’m ruminating on feelings. Trying to find out if it’s depression or OCD, or both. And I’ve always struggled with ERP, it just feels like there’s no way to expose myself to whatever the hell this is. I guess I feel trapped by my OCD, Depression and Anxiety and it haunts me. So I’m constantly trying to regulate my mood. I have very real cynicism and depression, but I feel like I panic over every little negative thought and it just fuels the fire. I can’t allow myself to just feel anything… it’s all gotta be a fire that needs to be put out RIGHT NOW. Needs to be attended to RIGHT NOW. But when you feel severely depressed, how are you supposed to NOT want to put that fire out RIGHT NOW?? | OCD |
Hi everyone! I do not mean to be rude in any way, more asking for help. I have a close friend whom I've known for a while. Recently we got into an argument and he said that we are in control of how we react to events and that basically having PTSD is a choice. Meaning the person had an opportunity not to get it if they are not strong enough. I think it's a complete bs obviously but since i dont have a degree in psychology or experience with it, i wanted to write here for support. Thank you! | ptsd |
I think it's called confidence...and I've only had it fleetingly a few times lol. | aspergers |
i can’t stop thinking about what happened, sometimes i think it did happen and all my friends and family are lying to me keep me sane and make me feel better, i watched a tik tok and the girl spoke about being raped and i started crying, it just felt so real, i can see their faces, and i can feel every emotion i felt, the embarrassment, tbe fear, i was so scared, so scared, i feel so dirty still, i feel so dirty, so dirty, i can see their faces every time i close my eyes to sleep, in the darkness i see ot, i don’t get how it could be fake when it was so real, i could feel it, i could feel it, and i remember nothing after a certain part, sometimes i thibk in actually dead snd im in the after life, my friends are bored of hearing me talk about it, i know they are, because i keep talking and they sometimes even ignore me, i just feel so dirty and i feel so anxious all the time, all the time, i feel like i can never be sexual again, i can’t trust myself around boys, i feel like every boy is out to get me and kidnap me, i get scared meeting boys now, i feel sick to the stomach when i think about what happened, i just don’t feel like me, i’m not me anymore, i feel changed, not in a gd way, i feel dirty, worse part no one gets it, i feel so alone, idk anyone who has had the same experience on lsd, i just want advice on how to cope? any tips? | ptsd |
So, my doctor started me on bupropion today since I get hit with the side effects pretty hard on stimulant meds which is the reason I’ve been off the meds for years now. Everything I’ve read says that non stimulant meds typically take a couple of days to a couple of weeks to kick in, yet I felt I was so much more focused at work in the afternoon after I took the medicine than normal. I was wondering if anyone else experienced a quick change when taking this same medication, or if it’s more than likely just one of those random focus moments you sometimes get that just happened to coincide with the first day on this medicine. | ADHD |
I’m really struggling this month. It’s tearing rifts in my relationships, my mental health, and my work-social life. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed it feels like that tic is there, in the back of my brain, constantly grabbing onto a new fear or worry and creating a world-ending scenario just for me, just for my brain.
Because I’ve been off schedule and my routines have been demolished, it feels like my brain is literally on fire.
Additionally, because of that I had been off balance with my medication, and think I’m suffering from Serotonin Sickness (unless this is just another wild OCD brain thought)
It feels like I can’t trust my brain at all. I don’t know who to trust and who to fear, and I don’t know who has good or bad intentions. Not only for strangers, but now my own roommates and my family as well. I feel like I’m in absolute Hell.
At the worst of times, this subreddit has provided me with some comfort in knowing I’m not alone.
Thank you all for your support and love in this subreddit, I just don’t know how the hell we get through this. | OCD |
I have already fucked up my entire life so nothing really matters anymore. Why should I even try anymore. It feels kinda relaxing, idk if that’s a good thing. But i’m not happy either. I hate myself more than anything but I just don’t care about anything anymore. I feel so warm and relaxed, it almost feels like i’m high or something but i’m not. I’m a bit worried tho, I don’t think this is a good thing at all and i’m scared that I would kms in the near future. | depression |
Nobody: ...
Not a Soul: ...
The Void: ...
My brain while I'm trying to fall asleep: "You should st-b the shit out of your heart."
Why am I wired like this? | depression |
bit of a weird one, but here goes...
​
*i know nobody here can diagnose this, and im not asking anyone to. im trying to arrange an appointment with my doctor so we can discuss this properly and i can get, if needed, a proper diagnosis.*
a couple of years ago, i went to the doctors after being extremely concened over abnormal skin issues, specifically on my breasts. i found that, when i scratched my breast two or three times, it resulted in open wounds, which i continued to pick at, and it got to the point that it would take months to heal. doctors didnt have an answer, so gave me antibiotics, and a generalised steroid cream for the wounds. it flaired up again at the start of this year, and again, i kept scracthing and scratching, until i was referred to dermo for it. the skin, also tho irritating, was particularly itchy, no more so than what could be considered normal, but i just kept scratching and scratching to see the results (aka open wonds). since covid is a thing, my doctor hasnt actually hasnt seen me in person regarding this, so got me to send pictures to him of the wounds so he could pass them onto the dermatologist. ive been given more steroid cream and suc in the meantime. coming to this morning, i got a letter from the doctor with results from dermo. he said they are extremely concerned that this might be related to mental health, and that it looked like i had continuously scratched and scratched to create these wounds, which i admit, i probably have more than normal. its something ive always done from a very early age (scratching until wounds are made, constantly picking at open wounds, resulting in wounds being there for months, or scars). he mentioned that he feels that this is primarily anxiety driven, and that it may be caused by an obsessive and compulsive need, or something along those lines. ive to get in touch with them immediately to discuss this.
ive previously been diagnosed with depression, and take meds for it. when i went to the doctors regarding my low moods, i also discussed feeling anxious a lot, but because i focused on my low moods at the time, it was sorta swept under the rug.
i know this is probably me over thinking like always, but i figured i would get some unbiased opinions on the situation. im posting this in several subreddits to see if anyone could give me some advice regarding this, both regarding what the doctor said, and also the skin flair ups.
the doctors still dont know whats causing the skin on my breasts to break down so easily to begin with. | OCD |
24F: All my life, I did well in school. I was in gifted programs in high school. I got into a top university and then I struggled. But I attributed my struggles to wanting to experience life (I was pretty nerdy before college) and losing interest in what I was passionate about previously.
I never would have assumed I had adhd, because when I thought of it all I can think of is someone super hyperactive or someone who can’t follow simple conversations etc.
I didn’t want to give up on my academic goals so I started a masters program recently that I’m super serious about exceeding in. And that’s when I started realizing no matter how much I wanted to study and watch lectures, I just couldn’t. A two hour lecture took me 6+ hours to get through because it’s so dense. Someone who didn’t fit any of the stereotypes told me they have adhd and so might I.
The whole time I was going through the process of getting diagnosed, I knew it could fit what I’m experiencing but a part of me felt like I was coming up with excuses. Something to hang my frustrations on and blame my short comings on. And I sincerely believed that if I had it, it would be something borderline. So I was shocked when I found out I have combined adhd but that my add is super bad. On the cognitive attention testing portions I consistently scored in the bottom 8 percent.
I’m relieved, that I stuck through with the process and didn’t cancel appointments even though the whole world said I don’t have it. It validates my struggles. But I’m having a hard time processing how poorly I did. I mean, I was in gifted programs, I score the average on exams as other students (I just can’t score higher because I can’t get myself to study efficiently), I just don’t understand what it’s saying about me. It’s creating this tension inside of me.
On the other hand, I try think of the positives. That once I get put on medication I’ll be able to perform to my full potential and that excites me. But I’m scared. I’ve realized that all those personality traits I attributed to myself could be because of my adhd. So where does it end and I begin? Who am I without adhd? Will the medications change me?
I feel validated that No I’m not lazy, No I’m not unmotivated etc but I get scared that I’ll no longer be fun, funny, optimistic, extroverted etc.
I worry about peoples perceptions of me. I don’t think having an adhd diagnosis as a bad thing or that it means your stupid but I’m starting to realize it might be naive to believe everyone is that well Informed. Or that people might not have biases, including medical school admissions if I disclosed.
It’s just a lot and I’m getting overwhelmed to say the least. I am happy though that I have found this community. | ADHD |
Someone in this subreddit like me still remains calm and tranquil like me even under pressure, yesterday i see a car accident with my own eyes, my family is scared except me and my father helps the man in the accident(always use security belts), the guy is ok and safe, panic doesn't get us anywhere, it only compromises logical reasoning and always breathe correctly | aspergers |
I've been told this is caused by PTSD, anxiety,MDD or OCD.
I constantly worry about my heart just stopping, it's a very intrusive thought. I know logically it's irrational but it's holding up my whole life. I been told it's primarily OCD, since Ive had unwanted thoughts my whole life.
Does anyone else ever experience this? or even anything close? | OCD |
When I got out, I filed, at the advice of another veteran, for disability compensation. It was granted.
Ultimately, they diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and anxious distress aka ptsd. From “multiple traumas” to quote my doctor.
Prison was just the end of a very long line.
I isolate. I keep to myself. I don’t like people. I’m antisocial. Avoidant. I prefer to be alone. Alone with my memories and thoughts. | ptsd |
I had an EMDR therapist I worked with for a year a few years back.
I ended things with her because I told her via email that I wanted to try taking a break from our sessions and try Neurofeedback. She told me via email that she didn’t think Neurofeedback would be helpful and I perceived it as her being possessive. We ended things there without an in person final session (only because I didn’t wanna spend money for a last session I didn’t feel I needed)
But I never found another EMDR therapist successfully after her. I did see another one for a while but I did not really like this new therapist. I’d like to have EMDR sessions again and feel most comfortable with her and do not want to keep try to create new therapeutic relationships.
How to approach?
Lol bonus points if someone can draft this email for me. I don’t understand why I feel so uncomfortable with this. | ptsd |
I want to stop my thoughts form thinking, it soo bad I feel like a fucking turd | OCD |
so this is my second post here.
ocd (or whatever this is, i'm not sure at this point, i'm going to the psychiatrisf next week) is getting worse and worse every day.
intrusive (?) thoughts are of every kind possible.
i don't even understand if they are intrusive anymore, if i like them. i am terrified about everything.
i've felt numb for about four hours, then i started thinking "i feel like everything is fake so i might be thinking that everybody else is meaningless and thus, i must have a god complex which is going to make me want to kill somebody".
so i went back to the usual shit.
everything i do feels manipulative, fake or even dangerous.
those thoughts make me usually flinch, sigh, or physically express my disgust.
i don't know what to do anymore.
i don't know what i feel and how i feel about what i think anymore.
i don't understand if those thoughts were intrusive or if i really meant them.
fuck. | OCD |
It's been speculated that I am on the spectrum because of my very narrow focus on specific things such as programming and certain ideas so I was curious about how aspies process language because I've noticed how people use language with no real weighted connotation and my mind is trying to register that in a literal sense, overthinking what someone has said for years but there's no actual meaning.
For a long time it has felt like I've lost my ability to code but at the time I was trying to train my memory with language, at one time my 🧠 was really in sync with it, felt like I could logically think in code effortlessly and my ability to think hierarchically with it seemed "condensed," if that makes any sense.
But I've had my fair share of amygdala hijacks and disabling anxiety, it really is a unique cocktail and my intense emotions felt like it allowed me to have good fluid intelligence or flexibility and resiliency in the face of challenges.
But with that has come OCD like thinking, stress triggered by learned helplessness, getting stuck on negative thinking about the future, mostly because I grew up with little money with my dad being disabled so it didn't help, but the pressure was on me to succeed but these things were starting to take their toll and I just became numb and passive to things happening to me.
Like the thoughts of poverty cause a scarcity mindset and because all this other stuff is happening, it makes you hold onto thoughts or information.
I've read fluid intelligence decreases as you get older and was curious if that was part of the problem, but at the same time my ability to function normally in general seems a lot worse.
Anyways the language aspect seems to be peculiar in that when trying to "build my memory" it seems to have affected my ability to code, putting so much energy into my own thoughts and it had felt that I've gotten stuck being inward and I can't manifest outward my thoughts into emotional/flow triggers like typing to the computer was a trigger to help my thoughts flow but it's not there or at least being suppressed.
I was homeschooled aswell so it felt like because of my differences, it has made me feel isolated and that whatever ideas I had about being social became disassociated and losing my confidence in my ability to navigate the world.
Trying to force conditioning of someone else's thought process has only made things worse, like some vague notion of being "social."
My mind desires the ability to think in terms of images, their meaning and how I can turn those thoughts into workable code.
I know it's a bit more complex than these few sentences but it bugs the hell out of me, so I am looking for some kind of feedback about this relationship.
I don't want to feel burnt out either, feeling like too much logical thinking is causing me to be robotic like, like introversion to the extreme, I want to be social but at what cost? Conditioning myself to find balance with that has made things worse.
Perhaps it comes down to how we exercise abstract vs concrete thinking? Am not sure. Deep work was something I intuitively aimed for but don't know how to return to that, am getting stuck on simple thoughts about things and it's killing me, like language isn't weighted normally in the aspie brain so simple thoughts aren't a thing but if you feel disassociated from yourself then it can hurt that connection with deep thinking.
I have read Ray Kurzweil's book about the mind and makes me worried that my disordered thinking is going to be stuck like this because it seems there's no plasticity in the neocortical brain modules. Like if you can manage to have a steady upbringing then your thinking will be better off but the idea that you experience negative things and that internalizes into your thinking forever is just a terrible thought that I have.
At one time I realized I was trying to project my thoughts into others and I start freaking out because we can't relate at all, the understanding just isn't there, the void kills me cause now I want to relate but the intellectual difference is too far apart.
The coding part seems repetitive I know but it literally gives me a sense of purpose that I can understand this stuff and can make interesting things happen with it.
And apologies if this comes off as just a mess of words but having a weird conditioning from what my mind has been used to has just been painful, like trying to return to some kind of brain wiring that won't happen anymore.
Or is all this just ADHD caused by disabling anxiety cause of too much amygdala overload? | aspergers |
I've never personally cared too much when I heard people say they were "so OCD" about something. I'm not easily offended, and I've never thought too much about it when I've encountered this in passing. However, I've had a recent revelation that has changed my mind.
The frequency of use that "OCD" has as an adjective to describe commonplace characteristics has completely distorted the non-afflicted person's idea of what this disease is. My girlfriend will often be frustrated by something I'm doing, or an issue I'm having, because she doesn't recognize it as OCD. I attributed this to simple ignorance on her part. I am beginning to theorize that rather than ignorance, it is the pervasive false impression of OCD at work here. How can I expect her to realize that something I'm doing that may seem totally irrational, but is not necessarily tied to something conventional like organizing a drawer or washing my hands a lot, is a symptom of my OCD? It is more difficult for someone like her to recognize my patterns when a false impression of the shape these patterns can take has been ingrained in our language.
Anyway, just getting that off my chest this morning. We just moved, and the sink and dishwasher of the previous owners have cemented themselves in my mind as the most disgusting places I've ever seen, full of immeasurable filth far beyond what the eye can see. This hasn't been easy for her, or me. This morning I was trying to do the dishes, and she thanked me for doing them, which really angered me. I know this wasn't rational- in her mind she was thanking me for doing the dishes. In my mind, I was elbow-deep in disease and filth, and her casual "thanks!" amplified my revulsion. It's hard to expect her to be mindful of this when her perception of what OCD is runs so deeply. | OCD |
I am looking to interview OCD suffers from all sub types. Of course you will remain anonymous (audio only).
As a OCD suffer myself and a parent of an autistic-OCD sufferer, I am looking for answers to this complex mental illness.
[Dark Side of OCD ](thedarksideofocd.com) | OCD |
My last relationship became rocky when she ( we were both females for context ) stopped wanting to have sex or physical contact and I couldn’t Work out why . I became very anxious and she was later told she might have autism / bpd . As I have ocd the two didnt mix well and I just took it as I wasn’t good enough . The same is happening in my current relationship , the sex stopped after the first 2 months . She too struggles with anxiety and mental health and says that she just started to feel very anxious when thinking about sex and now it doesn’t interest her . Is it something that I’m doing wrong ?? | OCD |
Whenever I think my OCD is under my control it consistently proves me wrong and humiliates me or drives me fucking crazy.Right now I I’m already having a mental war just to plug my charger into my phone so it doesn’t die.This won’t have any coherence probably but I don’t care since this is venting and that inherently doesn’t need a proper structure to convey the emotion your feeling.Right now I’m fucking tired, and I just want to be fucking normal for a night so I just sleep.I’m tired of feeling like a awful person,I’m tired of not being able to take care of my self as grown man.I’m tired of hating myself.I can’t even hardly put on clothes without it being a ordeal,or controlling instructive thoughts that serve no purpose other than to torment you.I keep fearing that I can’t trust reality or that I’m a defective person and that no matter how much we know about this disease we are afflicted by that we will never be able to control it.I want to hurt to hurt myself and I think it will.I don’t know any other way that is healthier to vent that doesn’t include some other vice.I’m being overwhelmed and I’d like to ask what you do when you feel hopeless. | OCD |
I tend to remember anything i come across even as small as middle names. Coz whenever a thought comes across my head and i forgot a piece of information it drives me to the point i ignore all my priorities just to try and recall that missing info or else i'll get continously anxious until i satisfy the compulsion of it. Like when i forgot the last name of a coworker i used to write a disciplinary report about all the time. I had to look up directories and go through all possible last names in the alphabet just to remember that name even when i stopped working there 8 months ago. | OCD |
I've had OCD for over 13 years, first manifesting in elementary school. While I don't suffer from compulsions, I do suffer from intrusive, repetitive and/or obsessive thoughts.
I have been on medication for OCD since 2019. I have switched it 3 times since I felt the meds stopped working.
When I have too much time to think, when I don't have an action to consume my time and energy or occupy my thoughts, I start to obsess. I have more intrusive thoughts. I start to cycle thoughts over and over again. If something is upsetting me, I keep going back to the sources and continue the vicious cycle of endless thought loops.
My favorite sports team did something stupid, which I don't agree with their actions, and I have been reeling over it since it happened last Friday. I keep going on Twitter and reddit and reading the comments on it. It makes me angry. I keep thinking about it over and over because I have nothing to distract me. Work is in a lull right now, so I have a lot of free time to think and obsess. I've ruined entire days just going over the issue and people's reactions over and over. This is one of the worst cycles I have been in.
I try to find other things to think about but this issue hurts a lot because of the closeness I have to the team. They've been my team since I was very young. To see the absolute backlash against what they did and see their name tarnished even after they said they will be committed to fixing it hurts me a lot. Social media is cancerous but I keep going back because I want to know it will be okay.
TL;DR : if my brain isn't distracted, I obsessive more even on anti-obessive medicine. | OCD |
Hi, this might be a really weird question, and i don't mean to be offensive in any way shape or form so i apologize if this sounds this way.
My boyfriend has an autism spectrum disorder, I'm not 100% sure if it is aspergers or not, but i am wondering about our sexual health. Not to be crude but we had sexual relations (not full sex) for only the second time yesterday and we went farther than we had the first time. He's the kindest most loving person i could ever meet, and knows what to do to make me happy.
However... i'm worried that he is going to have problems climaxing? It was very clear he enjoyed it but it seemed like he couldn't go all the way.... is that common with people with aspergers/autism spectrum? I'm so sorry if this is an inappropriate question. I just want to make sure he is enjoying this as much as I am. | aspergers |
Title.
Edit: thank you all. I really appreciate it. It’s so good to know that people understand. A big hug to all of you <3
(And sorry for not replying earlier. I have been low on emotional energy, and the replies overwhelmed me.) | ptsd |
I keep worrying that I've hurt my younger cousin when I was 16 and it's tearing me apart. I can't do this | OCD |
Our texting game is so inconsistent and it drives me nuts. Sometimes I get a good morning, sometimes I dont. Sometimes nothing until I message, sometimes I message and I get nothing and sometimes he chats a lot and it seems like he doesnt want to stop.
It feels weird to me. If I just know hes a bad texter then I can live with it but he clearly isnt. So what am I gonna do about it?
I cant turn my brain off. Its even more worse that hes online and still doesnt read and texts me back. Hes very busy at the moment as far as I can tell since he has to work till January every day inlcuding the weekends. Still this information doesnt make me calm for a bit at all.
Sp how can I calm myself? How can I adress it without coming off as needy? Is this a ADHD thing? Are there people like me and people like him in this community? Do I have a problem?
I'm a big texter and I try to response as soon as I can even if I'm busy because I dont want people to wait. I treat em like I wanted to be treated. However it seems like I have to bite the dust ...
Please give me some lovely advice to calm my mood. I cant fixiate on other things and it drives me crazy. | ADHD |
Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing good.
I have had 3 psychiatrist appointments since May 28th. My psychiatrist said he could diagnose me with OCD, but that he doesn’t want the fact that Me getting diagnosed will encourage my OCD and compulsions/ or make them worse (if that makes any sense, I don’t remember his exact words).
Let me know if I’m the only one that thinks like this, but getting diagnosed is something I’ve always "wanted".
My family/ mostly father has always sort of wanted to ignore my mental problems, like depression, anxiety, OCD…
My father always says "you have OCD just like normal people" or "you have a normal amount of OCD, like me and everyone else", my psychiatrist said i suffer from severe OCD.
So he said, legally I can diagnose you, but you need to make sure that is what you want and that you are sure and can tell me it won’t encourage your compulsions. Je sais think about it and let me know next time what you want to do, or during any other appointment.
So getting diagnosed has always been a kinda "priority" of mine, to prove them wrong. So maybe they would stop being so blind to the fact that what I am going through is not "normal".
It kind of seems like if I don’t get diagnosed it’s kind of like I don’t actually suffer from it. Yet again, it’s my OCD talking, that’s just how my mind thinks and analyzes things.
What do you think about all of this? Should I go through with it?
Does it look bad on University applications? Or will they not even see/ look at/ pay attention to it?
Thank you all so much!
Sincerely,
Me | OCD |
I’m tired of working for nothing
I’m tired of cleaning
I’m tired of taking care of fucking everything I just wanna lay in bed for 3 days cry my eyes out and do nothing I have 0 motivation to do even the smallest things
I just wanna scream at ever customer when they do shit they know not to do I wanna throw a fit because that the only way people around here get to do what they want and it’s stupid FUUUCCCCKKKK | depression |
I was on 20mg (10mg X2 a day) for 3 months and recently changed to 25mg XR (lasts 10 hours for me)
Ive dropped 20lbs since October and the food I normally love is just, SUPER hard to eat. The texture, the mouth feel, the taste is even different. Everything feels like it makes my mouth dry unless it's soup. I'm at the point 5 days into my XRs where I'm on meal replacement shakes and protein bars. After I come down I feel like I CRASHED, all the energy sucked out of me.
Does anyone have any advice? Is my dose too high or something? | ADHD |
0-100
Openness 56%
Conscientiousness 25%
Extroversion 12.5%
Agreeableness 62.5%
Neuroticism 85%
Life: fucked | depression |
I also have this posted on r/awakened btw
I looked in the mirror a moment ago and it scared me. For so long i have been stuck in my own head, thinking i was just a ghost drifting through society, emotionally, spiritually, and somewhat physically. It scared me because i realized the person i saw in the mirror was real. I am that person. People see me and talk to me and i interact with them. Over the past years, i have been using disassociatives to get high, and i got sober 9 months ago. I am constantly realizing how much of an impact that has had on diminishing whatever self image i had of myself, and made me dislike social interaction in general. But ive realized that i need more help than self reflection and a therapist. This is where i need help.
I need people to talk to to expand myself, help me build my self image, my character and my morals, and even my interests. I hope by connecting with others, i can form strong relationships that give me a sense or purpose and a will to keep going. If anyone would like to chat, even for a short amount of time, that would be more than helpful.
Btw, i have been doing much better than before. I recently graduated high school, and i have a job. Im saving up for a car and to go to college. Im still very depressed and sometimes even psychotic, but being sober has given me the ability to reflect on myself seriously instead of just putting myself down and the universe i exist in, which i am forever greatful for. In drug rehab, and throughout my therapy, i have been taught to reach out to others, which i haven't taken seriously until now. This is my desperate cry for help. | depression |
To clarify, I don't mean a place where people are frozen in place, etc. But a place where you knew stuff in style now would still be in style 20 or more years from now, where social attitudes wouldn't change so when you figured out the "rules", they wouldn't suddenly just change again and you're back to being the fringe weirdo, etc. | aspergers |
Guys, I want know what do you consider better way to find a therapist. My insurance spent 5 days and today selected a therapist that even in his profile doesn't mention OCD. I visit the IOCDF, and some specialist also don't mention ERP, even one of them mention medicine as unique solution. NOCD has a lot of people but from my perspective one thing is know about ERP and another have experience, really deep experience. How do you select the therapist? | OCD |
I recently took then Penn Computerized Neurocognitive Battery at the age of 28. I have the results back from the test and it has made me feel very incomplete.
I was diagnosed with adhd when I was a little kid but was never tested for autism back then. I'm only just now getting rests done for autism.
The result themselves don't paint a direct path on what I could have, but does show that I scored average to high on everything except the emotions test. The emotion discrimination test I scored in the 24th percentile, which is labeled as average. I don't think 24% is average at all, at best its low average. I scored 0.4% on emotional recognition, which is very low.
Since I scored average to high on the rest of the tests, percentiles from 47% on verbal memory to 96% on verbal memory and object memory, it's hard to really understand what's going on.
I don't know for sure if I do have anything more than adhd at this point, but my appointment to talk over the results with my doctor isn't until later this month. Has anyone else taken the Penn Computerized Neurocognitive Battery and received inconclusive results like this? | aspergers |
Neurotypicals this, neurotypicals that. There's a **lot** I myself hate in neurotypical culture. But I don't want to misplace things as an "nt vs nd" thing. Misplaced blame is dangerous to the self.
I think as autistics we *should* challenge black and white thinking to the best of our ability. As in, recognize it as a trait, and at least make attempts to challenge it within ourself, if we can.
Such as thinking autism is a superpower. Sure. But it's also a disorder and disability for many people. Not all the traits are positive. And black and white thinking is one of those traits that I don't see as overall beneficial to the autistic person themself.
I kind of feel like suggesting this in many other spaces would have some people say that "they don't want to change for nts" but guess what challenging b&w thinking just makes you see beyond your limits. What's so bad about that, other than the fact it's difficult to do?
My ex had "accused" me of b&w thinking alot, but it was true. And for the last decade, challenging it has, for lack of less dramatic terms, changed my life for the better. I don't always catch myself, but I'm better at untangling myself from that now. I'm sure I'd be in a much worse situation with a much more limited perspective had I not committed to challenging that type of perspective.
I think that blaming neurotypicals for every little thing will only further the isolation we already feel. Only further alienate us. Especially when many of the behaviors complained about "neurotypicals don't do this thing" "neurotypicals do this thing" are *actually common enough amongst neurodivergent people*.
Sometimes it *is* an NT thing, but other times I see NDs claiming it's an NT thing when it actually isn't really specific to NTs, and *it's specifically the latter that bugs me*.
There's a lot of "blame the neurotypicals" here also, but it's just relieving that not everyone here who posts or comments is that way. It's totally okay to vent about NT ways sometimes! But not everything is about whether someone is NT or not. Sometimes it's just a human trait.
Sometimes the unreasonable thing is from a fellow neurodivergent, but we just didn't realize it in the moment, nor recognize they were actually ND.
And sometimes, that unreasonable thing is our self.
Because we are all different humans, with different values, and different ways of being, and different particularities regardless of neurotype. | aspergers |
Hi everyone, I recently found a great way of managing my inner dialogue and thought process through a book I read (Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts) and thought I'd share.
There are three types of voices that are at play in your mind when an intrusive thought arises.
1) Worried Voice- this is the start and budding of your distress. Worried Voice is always coming up with new intrusive thoughts and setting off an alarm in your brain.
For example: 'what if I'm a sadist? remember that thing that happened five years back that could possibly point to this? Oh my god I'm a horrible person.' - and it goes on.
2) False Comfort- False Comfort wants to calm down Worried Voice and jumps to reassure. Although the aim of False Comfort is to reduce the distress, the goal achieved is quite the opposite as it only further fuels Worried Voice.
For example:
Worried Voice: Oh my god I'm a terrible person. I'm a sadist. It's awful and my life is ruined. What will I do now?
False Comfort: What the hell are you talking about? You're not, we've always done good things and been a good person. You're crazy.
Worried Voice: But remember that time we had a thought about hurting a cat? Oh my god. I'm freaking out.
False Comfort: You don't actually believe it do you? That's an intrusive thought. No way are we a sadist. You're making me worried. Can we just ignore this and go back to our normal routine?
Worried Voice: You're just saying that because you don't want to confront this. You're denying what you know.
(this back and forth results in so much distress)
Finally, the third voice is Wise Mind.
3) Wise Mind is described as mindful compassionate awareness in the book. Think of Wise Mind as someone peaceful, accepting and worry free.
If Wise Mind steps in to the conversation it will go something like this.
Worried Voice: We need to do something about this, I am freaking out. I feel like a terrible person. Oh my god.
False Comfort: Stop saying this! You're making me nervous and you sound ridiculous...stop it!
Wise Mind: May I step in? You two are going back and forth about something that is a mere Intrusive thought. I see this banter and I would like to say that it is a valid thought that can appear in anyone's mind and what could possibly happen if you let them be? Don't agree or disagree. Just let this be. Be mindful and accepting of this unwanted thought. It does not translate it to being true or untrue, we are merely choosing not to react to it.
I'm sure all of us have these three voices in our minds, in different contexts. Monitoring your inner dialogue and identifying the Worried Voice, False Comfort and implementing and making use of Wise Mind can go a long way to reduce the feelings generated from the thought.
I hope this was helpful! | OCD |
I just watched Travis Mills on Cribs. He opens his fridge and says “one thing I’m very kind of OCD about is vitamins”.
I don’t know who he is. He seems kind and I’m sure he doesn’t realize what he’s saying. Still so frustrating. | OCD |
So I'm getting pretty good at getting my shit together, but I keep giving myself burnout because I try to do too many things in one day, then life falls apart around me because I have to have a recovery period from the burnout.
So here is my question: If I work 8 hours, how many chores/errands/random tasks are reasonable? What if I have the day off?
Follow up question: how much downtime does a person actually need to be functional? I know I need 6 to 8 hours of sleep per night, but how much SHOULD I relax while awake? Anyone else in this community have difficulty with burnout cycling?
Edit: just to clarify, I have ADHD and I'm 100% this burnout cycling is related to that because I lack the executive functioning to structure a normal/healthy routine for myself. | ADHD |
Had to take a train earlier today but realised I'd arrived post football match along with lots of fans for my local team. Was undecided about getting the train or waiting for the next one, but decided to get it because I figured the next one would be equally as full with drunk fans.
Visibly drunk loud man asks to sit next to me, I say no and use covid as an excuse. He gets angry and spends the rest of the train journey sat the aisle with with his arm on my bag pressing against my leg. Made a joke that the only thing I'm catching from him is herpes. Blocked me in, despite lots of seats freeing up in the carriage so it was definitely on purpose to intimidate me.
I had a full on panic attack and tried my hardest not to cry incase I made the situation worse. At one point I genuinely worried he'd follow me after I got off and this might be how it ends for me.
I'm exhausted with panic this evening. I've reported everything to the police but I'm just so angry and upset that this happened.
I'm always on high alert with men but experiencing this after developing PTSD last year just felt so scary I don't know what to do. | ptsd |
Hi, this post could be pretty triggering for some. It contains content regarding child sexual abuse.
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I (25f) had a nightmare recently that I can’t get out of my head. I’ve long suspected that *something* happened to me as a young child, but I could never say for sure because I don’t have any memory of something happening. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, GAD, and have recently been working with my therapist regarding a possible diagnosis of OSDD. I struggle remembering a lot of my childhood up until 11 or 12. There have been short bursts of memories that pop up where something about the situation I was in feels off, but I can’t remember anything bad.
In the nightmare, my parents and a bunch of other couples were headed out for a group date. It was either a bunch of family friends or family members. I’m not sure.
We were at a house in a county that was a few hours from where we lived. I remember details like what the bathtub looked like and that there were green walls and some green velvet furniture. I don’t ever remember seeing this house in my entire life.
In the dream, I was around 5 years old.
As my parents left, I *begged* my Dad not to leave and told him that the man who was going to be watching me kept hurting me and I was really scared. My Dad blew it off each time and said “you’ll be okay, we’ll be back soon”. The man was a single cousin, uncle, or family friend. He was someone everyone else trusted.
I remember him being really big in both height and weight. He had rough skin, white hair, a white mustache, and a white beard with a little bit of grey in it. I don’t ever remember seeing him in my life, but I can remember what he looks like from my dream in detail.
I remember being on the couch and feeling frozen with fear. I asked him not to do it. He smiled at me and walked down the hallway undoing his belt. I won’t go into graphic detail about what happened next but I could *feel* the physical pain. I could *feel* my body reacting with pleasure and feeling confused. I remember crying and just allowing it all to happen.
After he was done, he turned to go towards a little boy in the library/office area. The boy wasn’t related to me and he was terrified. I remember telling the man not to hurt him and to please only touch me. He listened.
After the initial time, it happened at least twice more in my dream. All while he was babysitting. I remember acting out after and getting in trouble because my parents didn’t know why I was behaving badly.
The nightmare is so vivid and has stuck with me. I feel weird and off about it.
A little background: I grew up with a Narcissistic Mother and Enabling Father. My Dad has a track record of ignoring things to “keep the peace”. Him and I don’t talk because of that.
As a child, we took part in many activities with the church my parent’s are a part of. There were several opportunities for me to have been alone with adults. There was a lot of blind trust.
My extended family was also always very close on both sides of my family. We attended many get togethers, I went to sleepovers at cousin’s houses, and was baby sat by at least one man in my family before.
I was a pre-teen when I found out from my mother that my late uncle had molested his daughters for years and it didn’t come out until after his death. A little later I found out that one of my cousins from a different Aunt had molested his sisters for a long time. Both my uncle and my cousin are on my Mom’s side. I spent many days/hours at their houses as a child. My only issue is, I never remember them doing anything to me and neither of them look like the man in my dream.
I have been sexually assaulted as an adult twice. I was also sexually harassed and groomed by church leaders starting during my preteen years and into early adulthood. I no longer attend church.
I’ve been through a lot in my life and nightmares are not an unfamiliar phenomenon to me in the slightest. I’ve had nightmares about my trauma as well as nightmares of random terrible events.
I’m just wondering, am I freaking myself out too much over this? Could it possibly be a long buried memory coming to light finally or is it just another random nightmare?
Has anyone else dealt with a similar experience?
My husband thinks it’s just something random. I don’t think he understands how eerily familiar the whole thing felt for me.
I’m going to speak to my therapist tomorrow about it but wanted to reach out for support first. | ptsd |
I have a ton of trouble maintaining any train of thought, thinking about really anything, and learning new concepts. I essentially have no control over what my brain focuses on: I am very mindful of when I get distracted and I try to redirect my attention, yet it’s like my brain just cannot and will not engage with anything or learn anything new. Initiating things and decision making are incredibly slow; working memory and executive function are atrocious. **I truly believe I have taken all of the behavioral actions I can (consistent meditation, exercise, diet, sleep, therapy, etc) and at this point, it feels like my neurobiology is messing me up.**
This is incredibly frustrating because in the rare circumstance I am on, I tend to do great on whatever task/assignment it is. I feel that I have a lot of potential that feels inaccessible 95% of the time.
I'm highly experienced with several stimulants prescribed for ADHD. My issue with stims is that they work amazingly...until they don't. In my experience, the rate of diminishing returns is enormous; as the positive effects (ability to have mental energy for a sustained period of time, focus, ability to comprehend concepts, etc) diminish, the brutal side effects hit hard: insomnia, severe appetite suppression, vasoconstriction, erectile dysfunction, and just feeling incredibly anxious and depressed. For me, stimulants are an excellent short term solution but a horrific long term "solution."
Thus I'm looking for something more sustainable: **Something that won't spike catecholamines rapidly and won't come with hellish side effects, and will provide a steady, reliable increase that will ultimately help over time. Could selegiline + bupropion be just this?** | ADHD |
I’m having an existential crisis, I don’t want to go overboard, I just want to express my emotions. My original plan was to vent to an old ex/friend of mine, because they are an atheist so I guess they live by the more logical side of things.
So things we’re getting better right? I was finally moving on from them. 👆anyways.
I’ve always had some sort of interest in morbid things. Certain youtubers has peaked my interest in all the disgusting things you can find on the dark web. Pretty much I went down a rabbit hole of looking at gore videos which then led to my fascination with death. In which that led me to topics regarding the meaning of life, and what happens after we die. I had just started trying out religion as well, but I guess that was all for nothing.
Science proves it. When we die, we just die. What makes me upset, is the fact I had finally healed from and obsessive attachment I had with my ex. But now this comes, it feels like everything I had done to cope, everything I had done for me, is just a waste of time. There’s no god, no heaven or hell, no Satan, no reincarnation, no inner spirit or, even a soul. I’m nothing but the biological matter of cells and atoms. And it’s all hitting me so quickly. Why live when our only purpose is to die? It’s just the over excessive amount of pondering with every action I make. Its making me depressed. And scared. I’m alive right now, everything is so beautiful. The fact that one day itll all just go away crushes me. No afterlife, no sort of second life in another vessel. It all sounds so silly now that I say it. But it gave me something to live for. A second chance. A reason to celebrate. And sometimes I still find myself begging to god to send me a sign it’s there. But eventually everything comes to an end. All my hard work, my dad, my brother. Even the rest of my family who are not as there for me. And most of it all, the person who I’ve worked so hard on loving and caring for, myself. I’m going to lose them too. I should probably put this to a close since I’m just rambling now but.
I’m still young. I guess when I die, I won’t even be conscious to tell. I always knew death was a thing, but i always had religion and spirituality. Now, I don’t have proof that these things are real, and I feel like I’m living for nothing. I guess you do only live once, I just don’t know how to cope with that. | depression |
I was diagnosed at 18 by this psychiatrist then my insurance changed and i couldn’t see her anymore. I told this to my psychiatrist that I have right now and he said no no no ADHD is diagnosed in childhood its seen in childhood, and saying he doesn’t prescribe stimulants and that stimulants is not the answer that its like cocaine. He thinks i cant focus because ive been diagnosed with ptsd and he just doesn’t believe i have adhd but my main reason for visiting him was my ADHD thinking he would help. Who else can prescribe me adhd meds? I heard neurologist can prescribe them too but i’m pissed because its frustrating my life has been chaotic as hell mostly because of my adhd and its sad how i was told adhd meds are like cocaine like what type of answer … | ADHD |
The thoughts and the negative feelings are just too much for me that I feel like I’m exploding from the inside, it’s eating me up alive and I just don’t understand how I should approach everything while it feels like everything is collapsing. I don’t want to live anymore. The only thing I want is for it all too stop. It feels like nothing will compensate for everything I’ve been through. I try to push through, to be optimistic, but all I see is darkness which reminds me of all the pain and sadness in my life. Making it another day is mentally so tough and I just don’t know what to do… I just don’t…. I’m just breaking and breaking and breaking. Just why? | depression |
All I can say is that it is AMAZING how bad the therapists you get on public assistance are, and if I have to listen to one more ignorant so-called professional victim blame me, gaslight me, or tell me to just "get over it" I'm going to fucking snap! | ptsd |
Hi! So basically my ocd has been super bad these past couple of months, and I’m experiencing cognitive distortions (not remembering things right and also my mind convinces me to ask questions I’ve already asked because it convinces me that I forgot the answers). I also tend to believe my intrusive thoughts. I feel really lost. I just started taking Prozac a little under two weeks ago, and I am feeling slightly better each day. My issue is that these distortions mixed with my all or nothing thinking often leads me to say and do things irrationally (that I later regret). I’m supposed to start CBT in a week, so I am wondering if anyone has advice to help me get by until then. I feel like I am deeply spiraling and ruining all of my relationships with everyone. | OCD |
Last Friday I started a homework for class early on in the day. Nicely formatted, nice neat handwriting. Then of course I procrastinated the rest of it and was rushed at the end of the day before the deadline and my handwriting became, well, less than optimal. Today I got an email that I need to schedule a consultation for academic integrity review and of course I’m freaking out because I never plagiarize/cheat and I have no idea what it could be. Turns out the TA thought the homework had been completed by two different people and I had to demo to my professor in real time that I am actually the Hannah Montana of handwriting. Lesson learned, I guess. | ADHD |
I attempted it a little over a year ago and the memory of it keeps forcing it's way back into my mind. I could be in a great mood one minute and the memory will have me almost in tears the next. It's really fucking with my already terrible mental state. | ptsd |
So I got a 8-4 job from home, it is good because the task are different so I don't get bored. But the problem is that I'm unable to manage myself, waking up is hell, and I constantly get distracted. My performance fluctuates a lot, sometimes being great and others mediocre, and I know this is a red flag, because it means I'm unreliable. Before covid I was doing great because I had my manager cheking on me, but now, I'm suposed to be my own manager. Do you have any tips? | ADHD |
Ever since I was a toddler I’ve liked touching cold body parts, specially soft ears and arms. It’s not something sexual, it’s just something that soothes me, like a tight hug when you’re lonely or a comfy bed when you’re tired. Whenever I touch a cold ear I instantly feel a wave of dopamine and oxytocin. My dad told me I used to grab his ear when I was feeling sleepy, but nowadays it’s even more common. It’s almost like an addiction, sometimes I look at my friends’ ears and I have to really control myself not to grab them. I also get sad when my mom wears long-sleeve shirts bc that means I can’t grab her cold arms. Dog’s ears are also nice bc they’re super soft, but they’re more like a fidget toy than anything else. None of my therapists were able to figure it out. Does anyone else share a similar obsession? | ADHD |
Who here had something rather traumatizing happening some time ago and the event keeps looping on your head? What you could have done better, the words from those involved that hurt you, and it gets in the way of your daily life. How to get out of this state? | OCD |
I've noticed that some small, seemingly unimportant changes seem to affect me more than others. For example, when they decided to update the bus I take to school every day by adding buttons that notify the driver you want to get off the bus at the next stop. Before they changed it, I had to tell the bus driver to stop, and I sometimes missed the stop cause I was too nervous to speak or didn't say stop loud enough. Whenever there were other people on the bus I relied on them to tell the driver which worked most of the time, though I sometimes had to get off at a stop after the one closest to home (still not that far). Since they added those buttons though, it's been much easier, and I never missed the stop again.
TL;DR: bus company added stop buttons,which helped a lot.
What small changes affected you a lot?
P.S. English is my 2nd language so sorry if this is not well written | aspergers |
I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow where I’m going to talk to him about getting an OCD diagnosis. I’ve been constantly worried that I don’t really have enough symptoms/evidence to support that I have it, so a friend recommended that I fill out a worksheet where I check off general symptoms and then label them as past/recent/present. Not only did I check off way more than I thought I would, but 20 out of the 33 I checked off are present symptoms! I really thought this whole time that all of my problems were past ones, so this really put things into perspective for me. | OCD |
Next week I’m getting the COVID shot I’m happy as I have a weak immune system and lung problems but I’m having a hard time coping getting it done I have a bad fear of needles I spent a lot of my childhood in the hospital with lots of blood tests and it was always an awful experience some of which very traumatic for me.
I know this is different and it’s just a quick shot and then I leave but I can’t get past this fear. I got the news yesterday and had two panic attacks and have felt awful all day I want to cry which makes me feel embarrassed for being such a baby because I know I need it.
I don’t have a therapist anymore I ran out of sessions but they were my main place for learning how to deal with stuff I’m doing what I was taught deep breathing and meditation but it’s not really helping I know I’m going to feel anxious and sick all week I’m mostly just posting this to vent in a hope it will make me feel better but if any one has advice I’ll take it | aspergers |
I spoke with my therapist today about me having suicidal thoughts and how it wasn’t getting any better, she told me if I felt any worse or I thought I was going to hurt myself then I was to be admitted.
What is the process when that happens? I know I need to go to A&E first but, am I supposed to pack clothes/my things? Will my mum be allowed to visit? Will I even be on my own since I’m a minor?
Please, I just want to know what to expect in case I take a turn for the worst. | ptsd |
Strattera not working anymore, is this a common thing?
Hi everyone, Im in my 30’s f and like a lot of others have been diagnosed with combined adhd six months ago, and had been misdiagnosed with general anxiety disorder for 10 years.
I was put on Strattera/atomoxeline with the dose gradually increased to my maximum, which is 60mg for my weight. Began at 18mg, then doubled it until the 60mg capsules were prescribed.
I found with each increase they would work a lot on the hyperactivity symptoms (in my case fidgeting and anxiety, almost abolishing it altogether), however my inattentiveness seems to have got worse. Like I’m not anxious enough to care about much anymore.
Now I’m at my maximum dose, I’ve reached the point where I feel like it’s wearing off/ineffective and I’m also left with some side effects as it wears off, like anxiety, anger, very very low self worth, crying, etc. Executive dysfunction has hit an all time increase. Sometimes if I don’t have to I literally won’t move all day. I’ve been putting off tasks like housework and laundry. I’m concerned this may begin to interfere with my work and family Christmas obligations, and I’m constantly overwhelmed and unsure what to do next. I can feel my hyperactive symptoms returning too, which is a massive blow.
I am booking an appointment with my adhd specialist as soon as they open, and of course won’t treat any responses as medical advice, but I was just wondering if anyone had experienced this using Strattera? And if a move to stimulants helped?
PS I’m in Australia so medication cost and insurance isn’t a factor, I’ve seen in other threads a negative of Strattera in some countries is cost, but here it’s pretty uniform and with how awful I feel right now, I wouldn’t mind if there was a huge cost involved if it helped at all.
Thanks in advance for your help and shared experiences. | ADHD |
So I'm 14 years old, about a week ago I had a phone consultation with a psychologist. He has since sent my mum a letter saying he believes I have Aspergers. (I'm not diagnosed just yet and I'm not asking for one just to clarify). I'm already an outcast and really depressed so I was wondering if Aspergers is related to depression or anxiety? All I know it it's a type of autism. Thank you | aspergers |
I started a job a month ago that requires coordination, concentration and dexterity/attention to detail. While it isn't always busy, you do have to remember important things to proceed to the next step or process. Last week and most of this week I forgot to take the Concerta I have because I was self conscious about having the medication rattle in my pants pocket and people figuring out what it was. In addition, my sleep schedule has gone down, from 6-7 hours a night to 4-5.
Well my trainer, who is a great guy, can clearly see I'm making more mistakes than he was when he started. I like asking questions to follow up on things and be curious about what I'm making, but I'm worried that I'll be asking the same thing over and over. I've been working on things and then later realizing I forgot to add a part, or switch on/off a knob, or fill out a form, or do something extra. And it shows.
I wonder how I can mitigate this, because this is a great place to be with lots of room to move around, and I would hate to continue giving off an aire of incompetence. I took my medication this morning and got about 6 hours of sleep. I don't feel as aloof as I've been. But this is a worrying pattern because I think I'll mess something up catastrophically. | ADHD |
For me it’s freeways, I’ve never had ptsd before but two near accidents. Where I legitimately thought I could die scarred me so much, that whenether I go on a free way now I feel uncomfortable. One time I had to ask my mom to stop driving cause I was having a panic attack. Only share if your comfortable, but I’m interested on how it compares as at the same time it’s interesting as I was fine with them all my life, until those two things happened, I just want to understand it better that’s all. | ptsd |
Hi there, I've been scrolling through here for a good half-hour now and I think i might be able to get some advice here.
I don't qualify as having PTSD, but I suffer from generalized anxiety, depression, and the occasional psychotic symptoms (usually triggered by extreme stress). I'm being treated for all of these things, but my therapist mentioned hyper-vigilance and survivors guilt and I figured I'd look into it myself. My current problem is similar to descriptions of hyper-vigilance, and I thought it might be worth asking about here.
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tw// suicide mentions, murder/suicide, gun violence, school shootings
A little bit of background: While I was in high school, I was intensely suicidal. It was really, really bad. On top of that, every year I attended (Freshman, Sophomore, and half of my Junior year) someone died. Two were plain suicides and one was a murder/suicide, in which a gun was brought on campus. I dropped out and got my GED and it's been a few years since, and I've decided to go to community college. I really want to be able to live comfortably. I want to learn and push forward and try to find which career I'd like to pursue, and since I'm just uncertain about everything (and can't work a retail job to save my life) junior college seems right.
As the date of my first class is getting closer, The anxiety about the situation keeps growing. I'm terrified that my hyper-vigilance is going to affect my work. In restaurants and at shows (like a friend's aerial arts performance) I cannot sit with my back to the door without either whipping around or having a panic attack. More recently it's been easier, but sometimes that's not even enough. Most classrooms are situated with student's backs to the door and if I have to keep examining the room and looking over my shoulder, I don't know what I'll do. Additionally, loud noises like objects being dropped scare the shit out of me and will throw me right into a loop if I can't quickly identify it.
I don't know how to cope in that situation. I don't know how I'm going to cope sitting on campus between classes without freaking out about the possibility of someone coming in to hurt me. I was hoping someone might have advice here, because honestly the way that I've coped up to this point is by facing the door or having my back to a wall and watching every new person that comes in the room until my brain is satisfied.
tl; dr: experiencing a symptom of PTSD without actual diagnosis/thinking i actually have PTSD, but am reaching out because of how one aspect of my anxiety behaves. I have a hard time coping with crowds and academic environments because I believe someone is going to hurt me (and others) and I go into a hyper-vigilant state, how could I cope with it when my usual methods won't be able to be used?
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ofc, I won't know how any suggestions will work until school actually starts, but I've been trying to think of some ideas just to calm down the current worrying about it. Any help or ideas are appreciated! | ptsd |
This year felt like literal hell. It’s over now and I’m happy it is but I’m so embarrassed about how I acted. I was living in a bug infested apartment sleeping on the floor, I couldn’t wash my hair or clothes for an embarrassing amount of time because I couldn’t afford shampoo or detergent because all of my my money was being taken by a pimp who set me up to get gang raped, would take videos without me knowing which the police ended up seeing, sold me against my will and was giving me amphetamines. I had no friends because he isolated me from them and I was constantly stressed out I went fucking insane. After he was in jail I was still living there and I would cry and scream and hit myself in the head and pull my hair out. I just wanted the images out of my fucking head and the fact that the police saw videos of me and had his phone tapped so they could hear everything that traumatized me made it so much worse. It doesn’t feel fair. I know my neighbours definitely heard me I was acting fucking insane and I’m really embarrassed about everything. How do you deal with the ptsd symptoms that embarrassed you? | ptsd |
Told my parents and sisters today about my ptsd I’ve been struggling with for the past few years. Feeling somewhat relieved but still uneasy about it all. How did anyone else’s experience go? (some of the trauma is rooted from childhood) | ptsd |
Title is basically it. Today my friend told me she had an “intrusive thought” where she felt like telling a girl that likes her boyfriend that her shirt was ugly. Every time she says something mildly rude, and goes “oops, intrusive thought!” She doesn’t have ocd.
I just feel so invalidated by this stuff. I have intrusive thoughts about murdering my family, I have them about sex, children, rape, incest, you name it. I feel so small when she says such normal and expected things and I’m over here thinking about her face when she orgasms with her boyfriend (again another intrusive thought). Idk. Just wanted to rant | OCD |
I'm 21 years old, 68-69 kg 1.81. I was diagnosed today with ADHD which is quite a weird moment of my life since I never used stimulating medications before.
Long story short, I was given 36 Mg Concerta, one bottle. I need to do a blood test and tomography tomorrow though, but I took one today just to test it out. I was tired and kinda hungry, didn't have much of a breakfast. One hour later I felt calm, focused, I could talk easier and more clearly, felt like I could read a book and understand it for the first time ever. Didn't exactly feel like studying though.
About 4 hours later I took a bath, drank enough water later I presume, and I started getting very bad headaches, I could still focus but I started getting a bit more anxiety, very badly sweating, felt pretty robotic as well. My focus was still pretty good. I felt great overall but after a certain amount of hours I started not being able to eat much, worse headache, still sweaty, and a bit more social anxiety.
Should I just drop it? I still need to talk to the psychiatrist again, I'm failing college but I feel like this can really help me, and I fear I, despite feeling better, will have far more problems in a future life by not taking medicine. | ADHD |
(TRIGGER WARNING)
My parents abused my as a kid. And well it wasn’t usually physical or directed towards me but still it’s screwed up to have a parent abuse you, then 10 years later still standing by the abuse with confidence saying stuff like: “you needed to learn a lesson”. Really fucked me up. Now I am a grown “adult” about to graduate(try too) only left with a head full of hate to surround myself with during the day and intense vivid nightmares to look forward to at night.
I want to have parents again. It’s hard growing up without real ones especially now. | ptsd |
i am a 21 yr old living with my brother away from my toxic family for university and currently saving up to be formally assessed for adhd. going to CBT therapy for a few months has helped a lot in some ways but now i feel like im always taking 2 steps back, not to mention how difficult it is to get anything done at home and at school. i feel extremely lonely, unseen and misunderstood by the people around me even my amazing boyfriend. its getting so hard to tell if i am genuinely loved. the RSD feels so real and its so exhausting to be me. | ADHD |
I am fairly quiet and reserved. I cannot stand people who talk too much, I just don't get it. It really annoys me and I hate being around them. It seems they say way too many words whenever they speak. Is this a usual thing? | aspergers |
Living with depression and anxiety since i was 16 (now 30) i have to say that getting 2 cats was probably the best decision i had in all these years
While no therapy and medicine really helped me, these 2 cute douchebags help me to get out of bed to feed them, clean my apartment, clean the litter and go out if their food is gone.
Also i kinda feel loved again, even if they are just cats, i never got that feeling with people and it just feels good.
Normally i wouldnt even stand up to take a shower and all my food i ordered online, so i am really happy to have them in my life.
Does anyone else has similar experiences? | depression |
This might be a long one.
..also my formatting got fucked up so parts that should be in italics aren't anymore. ugh. gonna try to fix that.
I'm a 32 year old dude in the US. I have OCD, GAD, Depression, and I might also have Religious Trauma Syndrome as well as some childhood trauma. My parents divorced when I was 5, dad stayed in town but things were generally very, very negative up until maybe end of high school/early college. I feel as though a lot of my trust/abandonment/social issues stem from this stuff.
I got what is likely religious trauma as a result of spending 18 to mid-twenties-ish as an extreme evangelical christian. Due to that, in addition to other factors, I've never dated, never had sex, and so on.
In 2015, I noticed I was developing a crush on a friend of a friend. I realized I was spending a lot of downtime thinking about her, fantasizing about her, and so on.
The crush itself was also...motivating? It made me want to be a better person. It made me fight harder against the disorder. It honestly made me feel a little bit braver in terms of facing the tougher questions I was asking myself about being christian, and by the end of 2016 I would end up atheist.
Unfortunately it all crashed and burned (thanks to my dumb ass), leaving me without the motivation that I very much needed.
While attempting to figure out how to keep moving forward without the boost I got from the crush, I got desperate.
"Find someone. Anyone. Find some girl to take her place. Just slip someone else in where she was."
But, I said to myself, this is impossible. Surely you can't make yourself crush on somebody.
*checks the year* It's been about 4 or 5 years of "turns out, yes, you can."
I fell *hard* for this woman.
She's somewhat famous on the internet. She was on a youtube thing, then she left that and did other stuff.
So, in rational terms, basically a celebrity. I think the term for my problem here is probably "parasocial."
Parasocial, major OCD, social issues, sad lonely guy trying to navigate major life changes.
These are **not** excuses for what happened next. Just backstory.
I've sent this poor woman many, many messages over the years.
I don't know exactly how many. And to make matters much worse, I also had a penchant for deleting and remaking social media accounts. So if she knew who I was, I definitely looked fucking weird.
While all this is going on, the crush thing is at full fucking power. But now it's...different.
Now it's not just motivational, it's also... painful.
I'm clearly never going to be good enough for this woman. Not only that, but we are complete strangers from different walks of life, and she also lives on the other side of the country. The writing is already on the wall. The crush was now a double-edged sword.
I also want to mention that my OCD has a funny way of amplifying the pattern-seeking part of the brain, which will also come into play soon.
Throughout all of this, she never actually said or did pretty much anything in response, not counting the two questions she took from me for a Q&A video she did, and who knows if she even realized who I was.
With all this said, let's fast-forward straight into 2020.
Right in the middle of 2020, she responded.
She had started tweeting a lot about social justice matters and I was feeling a bit lost with that stuff. For reasons I'll never understand, I asked her for advice, and she sent back a pretty thoughtful and informative message about it.
Somewhere else around that time, she responded again. It was in response to... Another question of mine.
For this one, my magnificently weird and stupid ass said something along the lines of this: "do you have any advice for how to stop believing in god"
Listen, I know. I KNOW. You think it's bad reading it, I *AM* this person. I have to LIVE with myself.
And like.. it's just rough. I dunno. You fall for someone, you think they might have the answers to some stuff you're going through. Right? That's. That's what normal people do, isn't it?
I'm a complete fucking mess.
But anyway, she again sent a very thoughtful message in response. This is the last time there's any response at all.
Time passes, and the next thing I know, she's a twitch streamer.
2020, man.
By this point, there's a tiny, rational part of my brain that's finally starting to come to the surface, say "hey, can we uh, can we lay off this girl already? If anything was going to happen by now, it would have happened..."
Unfortunately the much louder, lonely, OCD-riddled, broken mind of mine was still in the game. "No. There's a chance. There's always a chance. Maybe she's checking up on my twitter! Maybe she likes me from afar!"
Ugh.
Well, back in January, **someone I've never met before gifts me a twitch subscription to her best friend.**
Mind goes to absolute red alert.
What the fuck does THIS mean? *What the fuck does this mean?*
In retrospect...nothing. It means nothing. If I understand correctly, people can auto-gift subs to users even if that user's been to that particular stream one time.
To quote the person who gifted me the sub when I asked why they had done so, the response was "oh shit i was just gifting lol"
I dunno, man.
What I do know is, I checked in on the crush's stream from time to time. I never stayed long and I didn't do it ON my twitch account because god help me if I were seen there.
It appears as though she's already built herself a nice little community of other geeky men who probably fawn over her as well, albeit in much healthier ways than I did. Hey, a fan base is a fan base.
Well, during one of these brief check-ins to the stream, I caught the tail-end of her talking about having a crazy fan.
My heart broke.
"It's me," I said to myself. "It has to be."
Of course it is.
Of course I'm the crazy fan.
Look at all this shit.
Look at my sad fucking life, man.
Look at all the energy I put into attempting to establish contact with someone who didn't ask for any of this bullshit.
From that point on, I actually messaged her asking if she would be kind enough to block me.
That would put an end to it all. An end to my obsessive messaging, an end to the insane OCD voice saying "MAYBE WE'LL BE FRIENDS SOMEDAY," and it would be a message of undeniable rejection.
The OCD feeds on uncertainty. The OCD loves uncertainty. For her to turn around and say "go away," or block me, or do anything to show genuine rejection, this would finally shut the OCD right the fuck up.
But not for nothing, **she doesn't owe me that.** She doesn't owe me fucking anything.
I'm just a crazy fan, whether or not I was the one she was talking about on stream.
She never blocked me. Never told me to go away.
And again, she didn't have to. It was possible she had muted my messages, honestly. I'm assuming that's possible on twitter.
So I decided to take the next step myself and close down that twitter account.
After a day or two, I made a new one, and while setting it up, immediately blocked her.
It's only been a few days, and I haven't messaged her since.
But this is OCD we're dealing with here. This is an OCD-fueled crush from a sad, lonely person who doesn't really have much else apart from that. I don't even have any real relationship history to compare any of this to. Life is kind of gray without her.
She's a perfect 10 in every way. Sweet as hell, beautiful voice, stunning body, geeky, silly. And it seems as though she's got a pretty nice life, too. I'm almost positive she's in a relationship, which is more of a reason to just leave this.
And it's during situations like this that I wonder if I am some sort of cosmic joke.
Maybe there *is* indeed a god out there who, for one reason or another, hates me.
"Let's put this absolutely perfect girl into his life, but not *in* his life, just enough so he can see how perfect she is in his eyes. And then we'll make sure they never even meet. Hahaha! That's a good one. Look at him hurting over this! Silly guy."
And I mean, not for nothing, I wouldn't have anything to offer her anyway.
I'm very broken. I wouldn't wish myself on her or anyone else as a partner, honestly.
I looked at her as a light in the darkness. And I'm very sorry that I ever did that. I'm sorry that I ever tried to reach out. I'm sorry that I bothered her so much, if she even noticed.
This whole situation just drives home how shitty of a person I really am. I try to be a nice person and I'm naturally empathetic, but then I turn around and do shit like this. Over the course of years.
What else can I do? How else can I snap out of this?
Any advice at all will be incredibly appreciated.
I wish I knew for certain that there was zero chance of me ever even being friends with her, much less anything more.
But we don't get that information with certainty in life, I guess. I think we just have to figure it out from what our rational brains come up with. And my rational brain, buried deep down as it is, knew this shit was over before it even started.
I just need to know how to break out of this and wake the fuck up.
Please. Any advice would be great.
Thank you for reading all this insanity. | OCD |
I don't know about testing methods around the world but I'm French and have been tested for two afternoons already. First one was really intense (plain IQ test only, which I already went through a few years ago) and yesterday were some tests about attention, even more intense. Those went on for 3 hours. I just shutdown completely on my way home and have been really tired since, almost unable to do anything except watching TV. I will be tested on social cognition in two weeks from now.
How did you handle those tests? Were you tired afterwards? | aspergers |
Basically what started my OCD is when someone sent me a link. I clicked on it and it was child pornography. I got traumatized and only thought about it and what happened is that I have thought about the pOCD when I was masturbating and then this one image of CP showed up. And I still masturbated and finished and the thing was it was a sexual act too and all. I was aroused by it but now I feel such an extreme guilt for thinking about it. It's immensely strong and when it comes up I get a boner but not to forget I get very easily a boner. I refuse to talk to a therapist thats a no go for me I only had bad experience with them all I need to know am I a pedophile or is that normal to pOCD. Because pOCD just makes you fantasize | OCD |
I have PTSD from lots of childhood trauma (far too many things to get into) and finally had one last piece of my puzzle confirmed for me.
I was molested as a baby. A literal baby.
No wonder all the nightmares started so young, and why I was so confused about these sexual dreams while I was still in kindergarten.
Life has always been so hard. I'm just lucky enough to have found a supportive partner in life. One person I can trust. If I didn't have them, I would not still be here.
I'm just so tired and so over it. | ptsd |
Im planning on buying a couple of fidget toys and i was wondering if y'all had any recommendations or something. I've never had any fidget toys, i used to scratch, pinch, rub my nose to hard and hade holes in my shirts. Im much better about it now and im better about telling my family when my anxiety gets bad. The closest thing to a fidget is my worm on a string, zip. It works really well for my anxiety but i want more options. If you have any suggestions please let me know! Please and thank you! | aspergers |
Has anyone had any experience with the OCD clinic in Dublin, Ireland? | OCD |
Im a little new in the world of adhd but be fore you say anything i was not medicaly diagnosed with ADHD but rather feel like i should get a test for to see if i have it, anyway about the question do people with ADHD become more emotional when attached to certain things like maybe a person or one of their favorite toys or just a random movie? | ADHD |
Just sharing with the universe that I just had an episode while out driving with my mom. It only happens when someone else is driving and I’m the passenger. The incident happened when a friend (the worst driver of all time) was driving. This guy tried to ram into us. My friend has no awareness and it was torturous to me to be not in control of the vehicle. My friend... pulled up next to the guy. He proceeded to pretend to shoot me with a finger gun... I was so shaken up the entire day. I can’t drive with other people anymore. I’m an expert at escaping terrible situations that make me feel endangered. My mom was driving today and we all received a blue alert text message on our phones. I was not driving and therefore this triggered an episode. I’m in the crying/sad/guilt phase right now. Thanks for reading. It helps to post my experience somewhere. Blue alerts are when a police officer was killed or injured and the suspect is on the loose. I felt helpless. | ptsd |
When my ex and I first started dating, he was on Instagram while we were on ft looking at his fitness inspiration guy with his gf and said that the guys gf has “the best ass” I was like “what so better than mine?” And he said “yes, it’s her job.” I was quiet and said I gotta go. Then he was blowing up my phone trying to explain that I mistook what he said. That she has the best ass for her fitness physique goals, like she’s well proportioned and that’s how body builders talk. She’s at her top strength for her body. But that it’s also the most attractive thing bc of the fact that she put a lot of work in. Then he said it’s not that it’s what he thinks looks the most hot. He’s only attracted to me. But the fact she put in a lot of work is attractive…not that he’s attracted to her. He said my body looks like a Greek goddess statue and that’s timeless and he prefers my body. I don’t have proof if that’s the truth. But I can’t stop thinking of it and comparing my body. Yeah, I could workout and change it. But I’m a yogi and if u know anything about true yoga and Ayurveda, u know that weight lifting and that mentality is wrong. Help. I can’t get this out of my head and comparing my body. I have a strong obsession with wanting to have the best everything to someone I love, and if they don’t think that, I can’t handle it. Idk how to believe his words. We’ve been broken up for months and this is still a huge issue that I’ve tried working on but it doesn’t go away. My brain is like if it’s her job to have the best ass, then it must be the best! But I’m his opinion? Or is it true like how he said it? Idk and I will never know the answer. | OCD |
There is no need to read all this to answer the question. I just wrote a lot. Feel free to write a lot too if you need to. If you got a personal story I would love to hear it.
So. I got a new psychiatrist and I feel like an ass. Usually people just don't take my diagnosis seriously and think that I am lazy. I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and mostly it's just been ignored. I have been wanting to have a career in science. But yeah, it's propably impossible now.
It's the truth that I am struggling but I guess my situation is actually pretty bad. She noticed that I might actually loose my benefits because I haven't filled his one form I had forgotten about and I wouldn't be able to fill it myself either. It's a miracle I am not homeless really and homelessness is very rare in my country. At some point I had stuff already packed and I got survival skills partly because of the fear of homelessness. It was my fault. I let my appartement to get in a bad state. I was saved because of my relative who has lots of charisma and can just... make people do what he wants.
When should I actually give up? I am over 30 years old. The worst part is that I know I have tried my best this far but it's not enough. I have managed to get good places in good universities. I have never failed to get in an university. One professor kept telling me that I am very smart but lazy. He was so frustrated with me since we got the same interests and I just couldn't get things done. I could I spent weekends and nights in the lab and I helped others with things they found hard. We sometimes got drunk together and kind of were friends. I was so interested in his work. I hope he is doing fine nowadays. He is a such a good person. It was very hard to give that up.
I can study on my own from a book and write good essays but I can't deal with the system. Plus I am face blind. It really affects things too. I am very open about it but when you got so much extra stress it's a lot. People have always understood but sometimes stuff just happens and you got no time to say anything.
Once I was tested because there was a suspicion that I would have weaknesses in my intellect. I am more stiff than an average person when I should change focus but that's it.
I know I am ok with just having a roof over my head, some peace and quiet, a forest nearby and something to craft and tinker with. Sometimes my relatives give me stuff to calculate when they are building things. My dad always has these crazy projects. I inherited this from his side. I was always so ambitious. Should I just give up? It feels like I would... die in a way.
Also... if you read this far. I would love to have a snail mail pen pal. Of course I feel a bit cautious and we should propably exchange messages in here first before we reveal our real names and addresses... | aspergers |
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my own person life and have come to an interesting conclusion: The more I game, the more anxiety attacks and even panic attacks I have.
My thought process is since I’m not doing in person classes and therefore I game all day/watch YouTube during breaks, the majority of my life is associated with myself being “someone else” in a game rather than a physical person in real life. During the times when I take a break from gaming and watch YouTube, etc., I’m still not really physically experiencing touch, or really any depth other than using my brain to experience something visually which also almost takes me out of body. All of these lead to disassociation which lead to fear of losing control and other OCD tendencies.
Anyone else have similar experiences? | OCD |
So I am 20 years old and have known I had Aspergers for a long time. I have been trying to get my license for the past year, and I just can’t FUCKING PASS. I’m debating on giving up and just never trying again. This process has drained me in every possible way.
I feel the writing is on the wall. I’m autistic and it’s hard for me to be not nervous while driving. It’s hard to get practice. I don’t wanna do this anymore, but I know I have to. Also, I should add I live in California. I’m from Portland, Oregon. Been in Cali since I was 18. Does any other Aspies relate? I could really use some guidance. | aspergers |
Originally I really didn't want to seek reassurance but god its interfering with my life too much at the moment and anxiety has been overwhelming me a lot these past days.
tw // mention of sexual things , smut
I came across fanfictions when I was 13 and it has just been downhill since then. It started okay-ish but then it became really obsessive for a time where I would start to read smut and you know stuff like that. I don't know what went through me back then but I sometimes would read fanfictions where one was a minor and other an adult. I didn't actively seek out these fanfics but I was obsessed with this once ship and it just makes me feel so guilty.
Another thing I did was ship Creek from South Park and read sexual fanfictions about them. They were aged up but it still doesn't feel right and I just feel nauseous.
I wanna tell my therapist about this but what if she calls the police? I'm 17(criminal age is 15 here) and I'm so scared I ruined my whole life with what I did. I feel absolutely horrible everytime I think about it :( | OCD |
I don't want to bathe, brush my teeth, pay my bills, read a book, watch a movie, take a drive, go shopping, go to work, spend time with my wife. All I want to do is sleep and hide away from the world. But when I sleep, I have nightmares about my abuser and wake up screaming. | ptsd |
I fucked up this morning. I’m not gonna get into details but it’s hard for me not to continue to beat myself up. I love my girlfriend so much and I’m trying not to smoother her either. Could use some help/ support/ someone to talk to/ distraction. | ptsd |
I see all these success stories on this thread and it's sad that I cannot have the same experience...
After being diagnosed with ADHD at 36 years old, I was happy to have validation in what was causing so many issues in my life. I finally worked with a Dr to start my medication journey and it started out great! However, it didn't quite last so long...
​
I started taking two 5MG IR Adderall daily and it really helped...for about two weeks where the effect of the medication became much less apparent. My Dr then switched me over to one 20 MG XR daily and it did not go as well. I found myself being lethargic again...and my focus/calmness was not as strong. And yet again, I now feel little to anything from the medication. This new dose is far less effective than the success I had from the previous dose, but my body has built a tolerance so that the first dose no longer works.
I have an appointment with my Dr tomorrow to discuss my medication and just really hope I can find something that allows me to stay positive, focused, calm, aware...not tired, forgetful, zoned out and angry. | ADHD |
Hey there!I was struggling for a while. It took me two years, after having lived through some not so good times, to come to the conclusion: "I am not okay". Last Monday I had my first therapy session and was finally diagnosed with PTSD. To some degree, it helps me to know that I have an condition and not just being "whiny" as some of my peers suggested.
In these two years it took me to reach out, I managed to tend to my tasks somehow (not as good as I could, but it got done). But this week the fatigue seems to reach another level. I recognize the effects in my speech as well; I have trouble articulating my thoughts.
However, I came here to ask a question: "How to keep being functional?"
Are there any tricks I can apply to keep going?
EDIT: I am not used to reddit yet. If there is something that needs to be fixed, please let me know. | ptsd |
I stayed off meds for the longest bc of the side effects . I had been a guinea pig for meds since My teenage yrs . My anxiety got out of control so I started lamictal . I’ve been on Wellbutrin and klonopin for the longest . One of the side effects I’ve dreaded is weight gain . I’ve been on this for over a month and I’m already a pants size up which is now leading to my depression again . Constantly hungry . Eating for comfort . Lamictal increased my sex drive and my partner and I have a large age gap and he’s diabetic , he can’t perform as often which I’ve always understood . But now I’m feeling unwanted . I just want to feel normal . Im tired and I feel like I just don’t want to be here anymore . | depression |
I've been having a really tough time lately due to my PTSD. I have started missing work because I'm having panic attacks more and more frequently and I don't want to have one while I'm at work. I work in a medical setting which can be very stressful. I'm in the process of finding a new job but in the mean time, does anyone have any tips on how to make it to work while I'm feeling this way? Bills are piling up and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.
Thank you in advance. | ptsd |
What does a perfect day look like for you?
Or a perfect life situation (job, relationships, etc.)? | aspergers |
I got important deadlines for my future coming up, and I'm almost certainly going to miss them and I'm not even certain that I can muster the energy to ask for a dispensation at this point... It's all just meh.
Like, I'm not having intrusive thoughts or the like, but I just don't feel up for anything. Bleh. | depression |
My boyfriend (22) and I (21) have been together for 6 years, and have been living together for 2 or 3, including a period where he lived with us during high school for financial reasons. I barely remember life without him at this point, and we love each other dearly-- we spend a lot of time together, and just having him around helps keep me accountable.
He's got a good work opportunity, though-- if he moves in with his sister in the city, he can make $18 an hour full time! He wants to do this because I am a full time student with an unpaid internship and cannot take on work right now, but he wants to work towards our future and is excited about the prospect. As he's a closeted trans guy and living with my parents (who are hypothetically supportive of trans people, but mom is a right wing conspiracy theorist and dad loooooves cracking tasteless jokes about trans people) and has mentioned that living here is an obstacle to him coming out, I suggested that maybe if he's living with his sis he might get to start taking T-- which has him even more excited. He'll just be a train ride away, and I can sleep over a couple nights a week-- we'll still talk all the time, and get to see each other, and go out to eat in the city!
However, he's lived away from home just a couple nights a week before (as he was working in hospice care at the time), and I noticed a steep decline in, um...me. My ability to function. My executive dysfunction came back hard, and so did gaming for hours and hours and forgetting to eat. This was before I knew I had ADHD, but I remember telling him then, that I feel like "more of a person" when he's around. I haven't had to live without him for awhile, and body doubling has been my main way of coping without medication or accommodations (difficulty getting a professional diagnosis due to my parents). So I basically want to ask, how do y'all cope? What methods do you have for overcoming executive dysfunction, or reminding yourself to/making yourself do things? Thanks :') | ADHD |
I'm 33, studying my *fifth* career (never graduated), and I need Stats to finally be done with my first year of the bachelor (been working on it on and off for the past 3 years). Even as I finally learn the formulas and navigate my way through things, I still fucking mix up numbers (I don't have dyscalculia) and it's SO annoying. Of course the numbers won't add up if an exercise says 114 and I fucking solve with a 144 :/
I definitely also have anxiety, but specifically from an ADHD POV, I'm wondering how y'all manage(d) not to lose it when feeling all nervous during math/stats exams. Any tricks, thoughts, or just sharing your experiences would be appreciated.
Thanks y'all. | ADHD |
...not great...
.
.
I'm beginning to think she's a major part of my depression. | depression |
I'm an aspie, diagnosed at 4 nearly 30 and have been, i geuss semi-suicidal for a while. I say semi beacuse before i leave, i want to do something. To leave something behind. A multi-media suicide note.
A full length album(nearly finished), and an experimental film. I'm simply not compatible with this world. My idiosyncrasies and issues seem to cause too much conflict with others. To the point that i simply hate everyone now. I dont want to be part of society beacuse im simply not compatible. Im running a diffrent operating system not built for this environment.
Its been that way ever since i was a child.
This has been a dream of mine you could say. To die and make it art. Id like to off myself on the state capital and leave a qr code on my corpse and flyers arpund said capital. That way more people will see my art and get interested in the mystery. The ultimate arg if you will. Am I insane? Yes. Not the hurt others kind of insane. Ive never physically harmed anyone nor will i ever. I simply do not belong in this world. I cant seem to fix myself to where i avoid conflict with others.
I want to be alone. Eternally. | aspergers |
And if you do start something, any minor Road block or issue derails you into another thing so that it's difficult to complete the project. | aspergers |
Getting a doctor diagnoses is hard, but from my years of looking into why I am how I am, I would say that I pretty much have ADHD + Dyspraxia + Mild Autism/Aspergers.
Anyways I'm in my early 20s now and whereas all my friends are starting to take life seriously, I just cannot think straight at all. I can never complete any book, project or whatnot, I cannot communicate properly. My head is a mess, my attention span is naught and the way I process information seems radically different compared to my peers.
I have an issue in that I can't get a diagnosis and I also don't want to be hooked on medicine to function (it's a depressing thought that in my 30s-40s I will be dependent on medicine).
So I'm guessing, how do you guys cope? Or is it a pretty bleak reality without medicinal aids? | ADHD |
Hello! I (F17) just found this sub, and I could really use some advice if that’s okay.
I have really bad executive dysfunction, and am more inattentive than hyperactive. I also do permanent online school, so the accountability for logging in every single day for x amount of hours and doing the work (without a teacher in the flesh telling me to) has been weighing on me quite a bit. It’s made me so overwhelmed that even thinking about logging in will send me into a panic attack, but I have to get it done. I want to, I have the motivation, but I just can’t. It’s all so overwhelming, and the executive dysfunction doesn’t help either.
I’m very behind with school because of this. Luckily, I can progress at my own pace, meaning I can catch up pretty quickly. So, if it’s okay, I could really just use some advice on what to do. I’m so lost and overwhelmed, but I have so much motivation to get this done and over with.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. It means a lot. | ADHD |
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