body stringlengths 51 39.8k | subreddit stringclasses 5 values |
|---|---|
That was the most painful thing my parents used to say to me growing up. Bio-dad got me diagnosed and on medicine, after awhile, since I was well behaved, mom thought I was "cured". They were separated, and mom remarried. I still had it, I was extremely impulsive, wanting to get emotions out and not understanding how, usually ending in disaster. I didn't mean for the disasters to happen, I just wanted to express myself and didn't have good ways to do it. When I was told to explain myself, I would usually say "I didn't think this would happen" meaning I thought another outcome would happen. Well, that was their response. I ended up internalizing it as I am stupid. It still hurts, growing up with parents who ignored my diagnosis. | ADHD |
Hi guys. My girlfriend (22) and me (23) are having a baby together. As stated she has ADHD and was diagnosed as a child. Now that she's pregnant she can't take her medication and it's been really hard. She's been so angry in the last few weeks and it is seriously making life at home hard. It's even started to effect her work. We work at the same place, in fact I got her a job in a different department as her previously job closed down. I'm a supervisor here so I get told a lot of things. Today her Supervisor made a complaint to me about her behaviour. I recognise it as the same as what's been happening at home. Is there anything I can do to help her. When I try to talk to her it end up in an argument and her mad which is exactly what I want to avoid. Then once the anger is finished she sinks into a depression and just cries. I've tried talking to her about not letting little things set her off so much but it just seems to upset her. I just really want to do the right thing and I have no idea how I should act or what I should say. She blows up at the smallest things. We fight almost every night and it's at the point that we're fighting about the fact that we're fighting. I get angry myself and I try to stay calm but when she blow up about so much all day I just seem to lose my temper at the end of the night every time. I can see its making things worse. It's just really hard. She doesn't seem to understand, if I try to talk about it she gets depressed and says stuff like, "I just abuse you all the time huh?". I feel like I can't criticise the bad behavior without her taking it like I'm putting down her entire existence. I've tried to explain that I love her, I just want her to be more aware of her temper and to keep things in perspective. I feel like I'm saying the wrong things, that I'm doing it the wrong way. I don't know how to get my point across without hurting her. I'm just hoping there are some reasourse out there that can help me understand why her ADHD is causing this and what I can do to help her or at least deal with it myself. | ADHD |
I feel so sad and defeated and hate my life right now.
After waiting to get my diagnosis. The psychiatrist dismissed all my symptoms (that go way back to childhood) and told me I had depression and not ADD.
I saw a resident first who thought all my symptoms pointed to ADHD but he asked me to wait for the Consultant. I stepped out for a bit and when I returned, the resident told me he already discussed my case with the Consultant. It seemed like the consultant already made up his mind that it was depression before he even saw me.
One of the many terrible statements he mentioned include:
“You did well and graduated in school, people with ADD are usually dull and don’t graduate”
I mentioned that my promiscuity started from teen age and he immediately cut me short saying “oh everyone is promiscuous as a teenager” without allowing me mention that I still struggle with it.
He kept talking me down at every point and didn’t allow me express myself at all.
He asked if I ever felt trapped and would like to start over and I responded that I would like to just recoup all the lost time and truly start again. And he said that was confirmation that I was depressed blah blah.
I told him I liked the same things I liked and didn’t enjoy the boring stuff. Told him I was tired of complaints about my performance at my job, church, etc. He kept trying to twist it to mean that I was beginning to lose interest in the things I enjoy.
He prescribed drugs for depression but I’m not taking that till I get a second opinion.
I can’t stop crying. I hate myself and my life right now. I really cancelled important stuff and had a VERY stressful day coming for this appointment only for it to end up with me feeling like shit.
It is not over though, will book another appointment ASAP with another doctor. | ADHD |
I'm constantly making dumb mistakes. Careless mistakes. Except they aren't careless, I check things over so carefully but I still miss stuff. Or the mistake is obvious afterwards but didn't even occur to me at the time that it might be wrong. I try so hard and it still happens all the time.
I just sent a file of 18,000 documents for a colleague to print, which he did, and it turned out they were all wrong, and now he has to print them again. I just want to cry. | ADHD |
Like "I need to do X to prevent X." But can it be "I need to do X." or "X is gross or wrong, don't do it." | OCD |
Hello I just want to make sure this would be appropriate to tell my doctor let me know what you think basically I had emailed her and told her I don't like the XR of Adderall so I want to switch to the IR she said yes we can make that change after our appointment I want to tell her when I see her that I want to be on 3 15 mg IR daily because right now I'm on 30 mg XR and then 2 10 mg ir daily. So Is my proposeul suffice? Technically be 2 15s and 1 10 but I'm noticing the 10 isn't strong enough is it ok to tell her what I want to be on you think or is that inappropriate and just let her be the dr | ADHD |
I don't understand and I'm honestly asking , how come some people feel suicidal with ocd? Isn't the whole point to keep yourself healthy, doesn't that contradict the idea of dying? | OCD |
whenever i’m trying to ignore my ocd thoughts and compulsions i always feel like i’m responsible when something bad happens, because i wasn’t doing what i was supposed to do. and i feel like my mind is always looking for little things to blame on me so that i feel more guilty | OCD |
Meaning like I got mad at someone I love and before I got mad at this person I felt I could not live without and I had a bad thought about them like something bad happening to them like I didn’t care if it happened to them in the moment of the thought god could take them like I was fed up with them then after I was trying to say I would never mean that but since I did mean it when I thought it I couldn’t say I didn’t mean it cause I did in the moment of the thought but when I said I would never mean it I didn’t feel anxious I didn’t feel anything it felt like I was lying and I wanted to feel something I kept trying but felt nothing and since then I have felt that I don’t care about the person anymore like I really cannot feel that I love and care about them anymore can OCD cause you to really feel you don’t love them and care about them when before I felt i couldn’t live without them and I know that if I didn’t mean the thought when it happened I wouldn’t be worrying about it right now cause I’ve had thoughts before but this one I can’t figure it out I want to know that I’m not alone and trying to see if it was real before I had the thought I would have never thought I could ever feel this way about this person I would have never ever thought I would feel this way! Is ICD blocking my true feelings I still love and care about this person my OCD just blocking my feelings? Please tell me | OCD |
Everyone gets a bad haircut it happens, but I am dealing with a lot right now emotionally and this has tipped me over the edge. I grew my hair out for multiple years and had luscious long healthy hair. I decided to get it cut today because it was getting in the way especially at the gym. My haircut ended up being 10x shorter than what I was expecting and it isn’t even a good cut. Basically, I got fked over big time and will not be seeing this barber ever again. My hair was definitely one of my strongest features. I am in the middle of changing medications and getting a new job along with splitting with my gf. I’m a mess and i just needed someplace to vent. Have a wonderful day everyone. Thank god it’s beanie season. | depression |
So I've been depressed for the past 1-2 years and I've recently talked to my mom about this she told me that she wants me to only use my phone when I need to talk to somebody she says it will help me but Im hella addicted to it and I stay like 7-8 hours a day on it because I don't have the energy to do anything else and my mom doesn't understand that I can't do this I recently started knitting and I try to reduce the time but I just can't go from 7-8 hours a day to almost none and idk what to do | depression |
For example, if I'm asked, "can you do x?" the asker responds badly if my answer is "probably," "most likely," or anything other than "yes."
Similarly, if I'm told to "be safe," or "don't get hurt," the speaker sometimes gets upset if my answer is something like, "I'll try" or "I'll do my best," instead of "ok" or "I will."
Or, in more complex sense, if I'm asked whether I think something is true or possible, the asker may get upset if I don't give a binary answer.
So many situations in life aren't absolute, so my language usually reflects this. Sometimes it physically hurts me to speak the "correct" answer if it's inaccurate. It feels like lying, not to mention the anxiety that comes with the potential for being misunderstood.
Why does this happen? Do any of you relate? | aspergers |
Intrusive thoughts randomly invade the mind, mine do not. I receive them all the time, and most of the time it seems that I think about them on purpose which makes me even more frustrated. I don't like the thoughts and if I could get rid of them as soon as possible, but every time I think I think about them on purpose I feel very guilty and try to control them and it just gives me a headache and frustration. Doesn't that even make sense ?? | OCD |
So I live in a small Balkan country where people are still not aware of the importance of mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD, but really think I fit into the ADHD spectrum. It's really rare to hear that someone was diagnosed with adhd here. At least I don't know anyone.
I'm a 27 y/o girl and I became completely dysfunctional. I don't even think there is a proper adhd medication available. I've only seen Wellbutrin and Concerta.
I have been on paroxetine for a couple of months now, but I don't see any change except my weight loss. I think I'm even worse now because I don't see any progress with my mental health, and have suicidal thoughts again. | ADHD |
I have thoughts like "if I see a certain license plate number it means I'll go to hell/I'm in hell/I'm in a simulation", and after having that thought I start fearing seeing that license plate number and when I find it in an odd coincidence I start thinking/believing in these thoughts and possibilities. It's awful. It makes me seek for coincidences everywhere and I feel like I'm going insane. I've ocd like this for a year and it's totally debilitating, please anyone can relate? | OCD |
I don’t like them at all. I like to have an idea of who’s calling me before I answer the phone and I don’t like that I can’t call them back or leave them a message if I miss a call.
I’ve had two no caller ID calls in the last 24 hours and I missed both because I’m on holiday in a different time zone and they called while I was asleep. Didn’t leave a voicemail or anything. My mother would say don’t worry about it if they didn’t leave a message it couldn’t be that important but I’m paranoid I’m missing something important and don’t want to get trouble for it.
I just hate the phone in general | aspergers |
So I have a dishwasher, but it isn't new.
​
I've had it for 2 years, washed it out about 10x.
​
Still not comfortable using it because of contamination of old food or something.
Do I really need to spend $400.00 to get a new one, or can I overcome this issue?
It's original to the house, so like 2005 model. | OCD |
I'm on wellbutrin and abilify and it calms the anxiety, but they are still there , ive watched some podcasts and they're still there , the thoughts in my brain are basically saying things are going to happen to the people I love , and it's more of sentences that repeat and repeat. I honestly just want this to go away , like I said it's gotten better but the fact my brain even came up with that still makes me very disturbed and I lost interest in alot of things I did. I also have felt more disassociated from the world in the past week and a half. | OCD |
Hey folks, I'm sure you get tonnes of posts like this so I'm sorry to be boring lol. I'm not asking for a diagnosis or confirmation of OCD, more about whether the things I'm about to describe are familiar to anyone and if you think it's worth talking to my doctor about. I've just had this on my mind for a little while, and I'd like to know whether the things I'm experiencing could be an indication that I should get tested for OCD.
I want to preface this by saying I'm currently diagnosed with ADHD, and from my understanding there is a high correlation between having this and having OCD, which is why I thought it could be OCD in the first place.
I'd also like to say that my experience would definitely be on the 'mild' end of the spectrum, as I don't do most of these things due to fear, it's more because it feels 'right' or is satisfying. However, I do struggle with some irrational reactions to fears which I'll explain below. Here are some of the things I experience fairly often:
Repeating words or phrases out loud when I'm alone because I like the sound of it, but repeating it until it sounds exactly how I want it to sound (or until I get distracted). Sometimes I can't stop until it's right.
Being obsessed with symmetry. When I'm doing makeup, I will spend far too long on my eyebrows and eyeshadow, because I can't leave it alone unless it looks right. Similarly, when choosing an outfit I'm very particular about shapes and colours, and I get distressed if I have to wear something that I don't think looks right. I genuinely struggle to leave the house if I haven't "fixed" the thing that's bothering me. This is most noticeable when I'm dressing up on days off or for events, but I still engage in it every time I get ready. It has caused me to run late many times.
Sometimes being super particular about placement of things I am organising. I notice when a gap between things is too far or too close, and I have the urge to correct it. For example, when organising my pantry, I sort things into their categories (oils, dry foods and grains, breakfast foods, etc.) and then place them exactly how I want them on the shelves, even taking millimetres of distance into account. I also think about how easy something will be to grab, but if it doesn't look right then proper visual placement overrides this. I dislike having tall objects in front of short objects because then I can't see the short things and I forget they're there, but it also just looks wrong to me. But when I'm not in 'organising mode' I don't care about things being messy at all, probably due to executive dysfunction. I don't clean to prevent contamination, but I clean to correct a visual problem if I notice it, like dust (especially if someone's hand has wiped it because it looks worse than just an even layer) or marks.
I constantly categorise things in my mind. I notice and create patterns where there aren't any. I spend quite a lot of time thinking about these connections, and it gives me satisfaction to add more things to the pattern. It's usually totally useless thoughts that have no purpose, but I think about them for a while. I can't think of a good example right now, but it's usually something that no one else would think about and that would sound like utter nonsense if I mentioned it to someone. It's like my brain moves so quickly I'm constantly making connections between unrelated things, but there's no purpose to it. I'll see a pill packet and think of how the holes look like boulders, or these round bread rolls that were painted on a bakery in my hometown, and I'll think about stuff like this all day. It feels like a big waste of time, but I do it automatically.
I spend a lot of time correcting how things look in my head, like if I don't like how a door handle looks I'll visualise its shape changing into something that looks better. Or if an item of clothing isn't quite right I will visualise it changing to be 'right', even on other people. I spend quite a lot of time imagining very small adjustments to my body to make it symmetrical (but I'm not necessarily anxious about it now because I'm learning to love my body how it is), or visualising things like painting over chipped paint or even turning objects in my mind, which I don't know the reason for. At the same time, I tend to struggle with arranging spaces unless I'm excited about doing it. I can't figure out how things fit together as quickly as other people can, and it's very obvious when I'm assembling something - I can't do it without thorough instructions. I notice little inconsistencies that others don't, depending on what it is. It doesn't apply to everything, only certain things that take my interest at the time.
I get songs stuck in my head, but only particular parts of the song. Sometimes it's because I read a word and that word reminded me of a random song I knew when I was little. This is kind of embarrassing, but I'll share it for context. The toilet in my house has the Caroma Trident branding on it. Sometimes when I read those words I get the song 'Jehovah Jireh' in my head - but only the first phrase - because they kind of rhyme. It gets really frustrating having one small loop of a song playing over and over in my mind, and the song will constantly change throughout the day as new phrases get into my head. I'll also do a silent version of repeating things out loud, where I'll have a single word or short phrase repeatedly popping into my head all day. It's not stuff that's useful or makes sense, it just weasels its way into my brain because it sounds interesting.
I engage in 'correctional' behaviours, including verbal corrections of my actions ("no, stop it, stop, what the fuck are you doing", etc. note: I can mostly control this around other people but if I'm comfortable enough around them I sometimes let myself yabber on).
I pick at body parts because the surface feels uneven or scratchy and I can't relax if I can still feel it (like if I catch a nail and it's jagged, or if my toenail makes a scratchy sound when I'm in bed I almost always have to get up and cut it). I'm often adjusting my body or fidgeting because the way I'm sitting/standing/lying down doesn't feel right. Funnily enough, I can also be in an uncomfortable position for an ungodly amount of time, if I'm too absorbed in what I'm doing to get up. I think that's the ADHD, lol. Right now I'm lying on the couch and my neck hurts and I really need to go to the bathroom, but I can't stop writing this yet.
I tend to count things mentally while I'm going about my day. Usually it's not for any helpful reason, and it's often subconsciously happening. Sometimes I find I've been counting my steps on the way somewhere without even realising, or counting items while I scan them at the checkout, or the amount of wipes I do while cleaning (this is the most common). I also have a special preoccupation with evenly using both sides of my body to carry out tasks (such as cleaning, filling shelves). I think this might have come from noticing asymmetry in my body as a teenager, and it became a way of trying to avoid one side of my body being more muscular. It doesn't work, by the way, but I'm stuck with it now. I think I also do this to avoid physical discomfort.
Sometimes I obsess over other people or things they have said (normally something that has upset me), and I will have it on my mind for hours. This happens regularly, even though I don't want to do it. I'll go over one comment they made and think of a million responses I could've had to it. Sometimes it'll be on and off in my mind for days, even though it's over and no longer affects me. An example: I was swapping out for a 'friend' on the checkout at work, and I was telling him how I was mad at someone but it was kind of a joke. I think he responded that he'd had a 9-hour shift so he didn't care, and walked off. I didn't care that much at first, but I found myself thinking about it more and more the next day until it was plaguing me constantly. I'd be trying to get something done and I'd suddenly realise I was going through responses over and over in my head. So I'd try to stop, even use a verbal correction, then after a few minutes I'd notice it happening again. And so on for about 2 more days. I eventually stopped thinking about it obsessively, but I have to be very conscious of these things to avoid more of them happening. It's very tiring. It used to be a lot worse before I got help for my anxiety, but I don't know why I still do it even though my mental health is in a good place otherwise. It's like two sides of me.
I have an unreasonable fear of being injured, so I will check certain things many times to avoid the possibility of getting hurt, or avoid situations altogether. For example, if I'm cleaning the shower and there's cleaning liquid on the floor I will hold on to the shower handle and test whether the floor is slippery a several times, for fear that I will slip and fall if I don't. I continue to hold the handle if I make any steps, just in case. Or if I have to lift something heavy I am overly conscious of my fingers and toes, and the possibility of them getting squashed. I will move extremely slowly and carefully (and often still injure myself due to poor coordination). I am so afraid of being stung by a bee or getting a bug on me that I will exit a situation until I'm sure that it's gone. I have trouble controlling my phobias. I couldn't even ride a go kart with my partner - even though there was no one else on the track - because I was so afraid of crashing it. It wouldn't have even hurt that much, and they slow you down if you start going too fast or if you bump into anything, but I was paralysed with fear and I couldn't rationalise my way out of it.
I guess I'm not sure about all this because these 'symptoms' pop up inconsistently, it's not like I'm doing all of these every day. I also haven't done anything about it because a lot of these habits are harmless, but the phobias and fear-based ones do stop me from doing certain things. I don't feel like this is all completely normal either. If someone could let me know whether you think this worth looking into that'd be great! Thanks :) | OCD |
I’m not even sure about which community this belongs to but anyways, I’m a 21F in community college. My first years I feel like were a waste because I was undecided on what I wanted to do. But a few months ago I decided on a career in marketing. And now once again my mind has changed.
I’m just so unmotivated and I still have a while to go. And i also feel dumb because I have no interest in continuing with school afterwards . But I know that you can’t do much with an associates degree so I guess I’m screwed.
Right now I work a fast food job which I’m absolutely tired of , so stressed and am desperate to quit. But I don’t wanna keep relying on these basic minimum wage jobs so I don’t know where to turn to.
I’ve seen other job fields that interest me such as those within the beauty community. Like I’ve been thinking that nail technicians are pretty cool. Even something like a makeup artist. Or esthetician.Of course I would have to practice my craft. But I’ve also been thinking about what a hassle it would be to drop out of cc and possibly go through the training and certifications. I’m not really sure how the process works,,
I just don’t know what to do in the meantime. And I’m the kind of person that lives in the moment and I don’t plan for the future and think ahead. But that might not be the best idea. I can’t work in fast food forever nor in the other professions that I just mentioned. I feel like I should have everything planned out 😢 | depression |
Does anyone know what it is? I need to calm my shit but dont want to take too much. | ptsd |
I’ve been experiencing a lot if nightmares and insomnia, not to mention constantly waking up at night. I don’t know how to help it, I’ve taken melatonin, CBD and it’s still pretty much the same. Any advice or tips will be highly appreciated. | ptsd |
i suffer from depression and ocd for 5 years and i take fluoxetine and risperdone i suck at studying i failed 3 years i want to pass my exams but i dont know if i can study and focus while on medication | depression |
Hello! I’m 21NB and after about six months of therapy, I’m starting to wonder if I have OCD or possibly ADHD. I will rip and pick at my skin until it bleeds if there is any minor blemish (think acne or ingrown hair), I feel extreme rage when I see other people’s messes in shared spaces (but my own messes are fine because I can understand them), and I feel like my actions are governed by invisible rules that I cant explain well which causes a lot of anxiety and issues making friends. I cant think properly in situations now where these little rules are broken and end up repeating words/doing weird things with my hands to center myself. I have also had a small head/shoulder spasm tic in the past which has gotten worse in the past year. I was a gifted kid growing up and pushed myself through 6 years of college in only 4, and without that constant structure of school I’m very burnt out and feeling lost.
I want to get a diagnosis for how I’m feeling; who do I see for this? I have a therapist and a general practitioner doctor I will be seeing soon so not sure if I should start there or do I have to see a specialist? Thank you! | OCD |
My whole weekend is ruined because I lost something that costs $3. I’m not going to pay for a new one out of principle. Because the one I lost shouldn’t be missing in the first place.
I’m just going to sit in my room the entirety of my Saturday and do nothing, all because I wasn’t able to start my day by going to the gym.
Life by itself is torture. But the way I’m wired makes it way worse.
———
EDIT: I found my gym pass! I ended up going to the gym, going to the bank, then going to the liquor store. | aspergers |
Truth be told, I'm tired. I'm tired of always having recurring thoughts play in my head. I'm tired of whenever I feel relaxed and sorta at peace a thought pops into my head. I'm tired of letting a single thought grow and grow me knowing its not true grow bigger until I obsess over it. I just feel like I can't do normal things. I can eat normally I can't drink normally. My head makes up memories of my actions when I know it wasn't that way like when styling my hair my brain thinks I put glue in my head then I end up obsessing over it, I cant drink the same cup of water for fear it was tampered with. I'm trying really to get rid of this annoying problem. But its hard. I'm thinking of seeking professional help but its not something I can afford to do right now Financial and time wise. Theres other things that requires my attention even if its soo hard to focus on them. I just thought I'd rant on a bit. Thanks for taking the time to see this post. | OCD |
My diagnosis is recent (as of last week), I am a 27 year old female and since then, more and more things have begun to make sense.
Previously, Borderline, Bipolar, and OCD had all been mentioned as possibilities but my therapist told me she fully believes any symptoms of those were actually just my ADHD. Now, that all makes sense.
But the part I’m having the hardest time with is my relationships. Right before my diagnosis, I ended my relationship with my SO who has bipolar because I realized that neither of us were doing a good job at working on ourselves while working on my mental health. I am an ALL of NOTHING person in my relationships and that person becomes my hyper fixation. He still is, more than a month later. It’s 99% of what I think about. Everything before, during, and after our relationship. It’s like that with every relationship I’ve had. Takes me way too long to stop focusing on that person, even when it’s toxic. I’m obsessive when we’re dating, I don’t focus on anything else in my life.
Does anybody have any realistic advice on how to move past that or focus on other things? I’m trying so hard, and every day gets easier. But it’s really bothering me and is detrimental to my mental state lately. | ADHD |
Anyone else on here also a perfectionist?
I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 25 and starting grad school due to this seeming paradoxical existence lmfao
It’s so hard to explain how I miss details and make careless mistakes, while also neurotically taking hours to do my work and working for hours on the tiniest of details.
Or how my room can get so messy one day, but the next day I will hyper focusing for hours color coding my books.
I feel like a skittle commercial lol | ADHD |
Lately I've been playing videogames for most hours in the day every day. I feel myself start to spiral if I'm not being constantly distracted. I guess this is better than the drugs I was doing, but it's honestly much sadder. My friends are gone, I find it even harder to socialize/meet new people now than a few years ago. Maybe I'm just put of practice, but it kinda feels like my brain is getting worse at talking or being around people. I'm in debt and got my hours reduced for being sick, which I can't help I have a chronic illness that's never going to go away. But since I couldn't manage it for 2 weeks I have to look for a second job. This is just a bunch of bullshit rambling, I'd delete it if Reddit comments weren't the majority of my social interaction. | depression |
It just never stops. It doesn’t matter what I do I always do it wrong. I’m always going to get in trouble for my mistakes. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just more bullshit every day with no end. I don’t want to waste my life working until I die. I want to really live. Or I want to die so I don’t have to exist anymore. I just can’t deal with the idea of this being my life for another 70 years. I’m never going to be able to move on from my trauma when I can’t even take enough time to get a full nights sleep. I’m so very exhausted. I’m so tired of fighting a losing battle every single day. What’s the point? We’re all just cosmic dust trying to find meaning in a world that punishes us for trying to break out of the mold. I just don’t have the strength or hope to keep going. How am I supposed to get better when the world doesn’t want me to? I am barely making ends meet as it is. How am I supposed to afford therapy? I want to get better so badly but I’m so tired of trying and failing and systems that push me back down when I try to stand. My very soul hurts. I can feel the absolute agony right to my core and with every fiber of my being. It never goes away no matter how much I try to make it better or ignore it because it is woven into who I am. I want to have hope. I really do. I want to get better. I’m so very tired.
And now I have to clean myself up and pretend like I didn’t just spend 20 minutes crying the the bathroom at work because I don’t want to die but I don’t know if I want to live if this is all there is.
I’m having a very hard time handling the things that life is throwing at me. I’ve been strong all my life and pulled myself up but im so tired. | depression |
Back in June I kinda sorta ghosted my therapist. Things were going mostly okay until the pandemic hit and I couldn't go to her office anymore. I hated the online sessions and didn't like the way I looked on camera so we did phone calls instead. I still didn't like the fact that I couldn't go in person, felt like I had to filter everything I wanted to say to her because I was at home with my family and didn't want them to hear. Still everything was decent until I missed one appointment by mistake. I scheduled another and then I never got a call back? Then I decided to set out a time to schedule another one but ultimately kept putting it off until I eventually forgot, and got too busy with bad things happening in my personal life that it escaped my mind for a while.
Now all this shit has happened in my family, and on so many occasions ever since my depression got worse somehow. Now it's been months, I still haven't had a session since or even bothered to contact her. Now I'm scared to because I feel bad. She was really understanding too, I want to think she'll understand this but I just feel rude. There's also been so much going on in my life that I fear I won't know what to say when I'm asked. How am I supposed to unpack four to five months of trauma? Where do I even start. | depression |
Hello
I'm seeking any responses in relation to Strattera as a prescription medicine for ADD/ADHD as it's fairly a new thing for me.
I've been recently prescribed 25 MG for it daily during mornings and any insights can be very useful for me as a start or if it didn't work out well for you and was prescribed something else. | ADHD |
Hey guys! So question for those of you that take vyvanse, or other ADHD meds for that matter. I used to take 50mg, 4 years ago and then slowly went down to 30mg because I was having palpitations and thought vyvanse was the cause when really it was just anxiety that I’d never really had before. It started right when the pandemic did. So after taking a year long hiatus from taking vyvanse (I had SEVERE health anxiety that stemmed from the pandemic and was terrified if I took vyvanse again that I’d have a heart attack) I finally took it last week, only 10mg, but my doc said I could take 2 10mg if I felt comfortable. I was feeling okay with 10mg, but wasn’t sure if I was seeing any benefits or simply a placebo effect. So I took 2 10mg today and my heart rate has been sitting in the mid 90s all day. So my question is, is this pretty normal? I’m not anxious about it (yay Zoloft!) but just curious if it affects others that way? Im sure I won’t notice it as much once I’m used to being on it again. | ADHD |
I'm 22 year female and I been suffering for depression for 5 years. I been much better for like a year and been feeling more like myself during that last year with ups and downs. However, from a while I don't feel like myself at all. I don't recognise a person I become. It's like I look at myself and don't recognize her. The voice she uses, the way she talk, the way she dresses, the way she is not excited about things I would. Who is she ? It's like it's not me but it have to be me. Does anyone feel that way about themselves? | depression |
It's the only way I feel anything anymore, but I'm too unlucky to just die already.
Therapy didn't work, people are inhuman to me | ptsd |
So let's say I have a meeting at 6 PM, which means I'll be physically impaired to do anything but mentally prepare for the meeting.
I can't work either, I can't just sit for 1 hour to work and then switch to something else, and when I'm done I can get back to work. I would have to do the entirety of work in one sitting otherwise I'll get distracted and then no way in hell I'll be able to bring myself back to work. I either hyperfocus or don't focus at all.
And I'm mentally overwhelmed by the future event that I can't focus on anything else anyway. Even though the event itself takes maybe 2-3 hours of my day.
How do you guys deal with that? I really want to get a dog, but if a small task that takes me an hour or two to do exhausts me, how in the world am I gonna be able to function with a dog? Any tips? | ADHD |
Can some folks really just start applying for jobs without weighing up all the hypothetical realities that could arise if they were successful, or walk over and talk to someone cute instead of overthinking what they should say and imagining different negative scenarios playing out, or open and assignment and start working on it without first assessing the state of their house and their life, or choose between two similar products at the supermarket without becoming overwhelmed and buying both, or live in the moment and make snap decisions without the tiresome old bastard in their head slowing them down? | ADHD |
I am applying for a new job in the same field that I had to leave due to the traumatic experience that caused my PTSD. The trauma happened 1.5 years ago and I have been working on healing and have come a long way.
I'm preparing for the question I know I'll be asked "Why did you leave your job with \_\_\_? In the past, I've frozen up when asked this question because it triggers me, plus I don't want to necessarily tell my employer about my PTSD diagnoses. I plan to respond more honestly to this question than I have in every job interview since the incident. I feel like its time to stop being controlled by my past and I feel that it controls me if I lie about it. Plus I think that it will give the interviewers an honest insight into who I am.
Has anyone had experience with this? I want to make sure I'm not making a big mistake by doing this. The woman that would be my direct supervisor in the role is someone that I know (not well, but still, this is why I feel comfortable telling her anything about it). | ptsd |
I suffer from really bad ocd along with several other anxiety disorders and adhd and its been making my life a living nightmare. Ever since school started ive been feeling miserable its been so hard, i feel like im stuck in an endless loop. Due to the stress and constant pressure Ive been having really bad intruisive suicidal thoughts (Ive had them before but they got worse now). I hate them so fucking much I have a good life and an amazing family and I hate the idea of taking that away from myself, its so scary. Today i had a very hard argument with my parents who I love to death, I wont go into details but long story short, it resulted in me going to the kitchen and grabbing a knife with the only thought filling my head being to just fucking end it. My dad stopped me very quickly and it was almost as if someone turned off some weird autopilot that turned on for no reason. I didnt want to die, but its almost as if a switch had been flipped in my brain to just go and do it.
Im so fucking scared
Im well taken care of, being on my meds and under the care of doctors but still im just so fucking scared
I do not want it to end, I want to live
but im just so fucking scared that something will possess me to do something like that again and that no one will be there to stop me
please help me im so fucking scared of myself | OCD |
Why does OCD make you feel like something that you own or something that is yours really isn’t yours and it doesn’t have the same feeling as before? | OCD |
Undiagnosed here but 99% sure I have some form of OCD, though mild.
Does anyone find that it takes them twice as long as a normal person to watch a movie or tv show because they're constantly replaying scenes? I do it all the time for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it's because I missed a word or a sentence and I absolutely **hate** the thought of missing even the tiniest piece of dialogue. Sometimes I just feel the need to listen to a certain word again, or I feel that I need to take in different aspects of the scene that I missed on the first watch (for example, if there are two characters talking, I'll replay the scene several times to study their expressions, or something like that). Sometimes I just really like something about a certain scene and feel the need to replay it.
It's like an obsession with knowledge? I feel like I need to take in every piece of information about what I'm watching. It turns something as relaxing and low-effort as watching TV into a stressful ordeal.
Obviously I don't do this when I'm watching TV with other people, but I do my best to stay extra focused on the movie so I don't miss anything because I know I can't replay it and if I do, I'll make a mental note to go back and check it out later.
I'm not quite sure why I do this, but it seems like a very OCD thing to me so I was wondering if this happens to anyone else? | OCD |
Every time I would write in my daily journal, I would be overwhelmed by what I should write. In fact, I think it's making my OCD worse by amplifying the already present intrusive thoughts I have. It's making me alone with my thoughts and we all know what happens to a person with OCD in that situation. I just wanna know if journaling should help and if I'm doing it wrong. | OCD |
I have social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depression, and I use a wheelchair. (Important for later.)
***
School closed—online classes only thru the rest of the semester—due to Coronavirus. As of today. (Plan as of yesterday was to come back Apr. 6. Then, shortly after that letter from the University President, the POTUS announced his travel ban and the WHO declared COVID-19 pandemic. Today, the plan to return was cancelled—commencement might still happen, but the semester is gonna be all online.)
This has hit the performing arts—theatre, dance, music—department(s) disproportionally hard. My head is spinning still. I’m nauseous—still. The dorms were going to remain open (I was going to come back by Apr. 6 for sure), but now, everyone has to return from Spring Break, effectively rushing the campus (which is also horrible for disease control) and clean out our lives. We have until March 23 to get out of the dorms. I’m tearing down my life and packing it into boxes tomorrow.
And... This year, I had finally overcome a huge trauma I dealt with years ago, where I had a falling out with some folks I was very close with for a long time. The last time I saw them, I had no idea it would be the last time. That trauma’s at the root of so many things I struggle with. Then, today, as I read that letter and started shaking, crying, screaming... I’m a junior, and that whole swath of seniors—I may never get to see them again. Friends, crushes, what have you... People I loved (love—fuck, it’s happening already), so, so much.
“No, no, no,” I said. “I can’t do it again, I can’t do this again.”
I’ll probably be working/writing thru this for a long time. A lot of other students—the seniors, and performing arts seniors, especially; those affected by COVID-19 personally; and those for whom it’ll be very hard to get home—are being hit harder than I am.
But I finally found my theatre family this year. This semester started with a serious, serious injury for me, but this week has still been the craziest (sorry, I hate that word, but I can’t think of a better one right now) week of the semester. My heart is breaking. And I feel like I’m back to square one (or at least, it feels like I’ve lost so much progress).
😞🏳️🌈❤️
***
*3/12/20* | ptsd |
Is this ADHD related? It's not enough the inability to make decisions but when I do make decisions theyre terrible, so my inability to make decisions gets worse bc I'm afraid of making another bad decision...i have social anxiety so going out is not my thing, the last two days i was forced to go out and it was terrible, buying shit i don't really need, forgetting where my Uber had to pick me up, choosing to go to the movies knowing it's fucking late and even forgetting which floor my fckin apartment is on...wtf...i don't wanna leave my apartment again, at least not alone...i just wanna cry | ADHD |
Ocd targets every little thing I try to to enjoy, video games, hiking, music, just generally enjoying being in the moment. It's fucking exhausting. | OCD |
I know or knew someone (Katie) who I'd say was an acquaintance to me not exactly a friend but I still wanted to be "friendly?" w/ her. She was in the same group of friends as me last year at college. I guess I never messaged Katie much but I'm like that with most people. Katie might have taken that a different way. I suppose I didn't make too much effort with her sadly. I'm mostly in my own world on my phone a lot of the time (sadly) causing contact issues with numerous people I guess.
I got caught in the middle of two people in our friend group (Alice and Isabelle) and later Alice decided she did not want to be friends with me anymore. I admittedly had a part to play in that but I'm not sure that's completely relevant here. After this event I messaged Katie and I didn't say what transpired but I messaged her and said I couldn't talk to Alice anymore but asked her to try and keep in contact with Alice (to my knowledge Alice didn't have too many people to talk to). Katie regrettably got caught even more in the middle all this than myself further complicating things.
So this leads me to today and Katie and Alice are obviously still in contact. We had a meeting online where you can see people's names and they were there together. I feel betrayed to be honest - not because they are in contact because of the events preceding.
I wanted to see if I could meet with Katie because college was getting started up again. I messaged her yesterday and she was clearly online because you can see people's statuses unfortunately. So I can understand why - she was probably waiting to hear back from someone else or messaging other people. She doesn't have to reply to me. I didn't exactly message about meeting up in exact words but I think it was clear (hopefully).
But I heard back from her this morning and she said the time she'd be in but nothing else. Which is a different time to me because we're in different groups. Covid is clearly not an issue for her. Obviously she must have made plans with Alice or even if she bumped into her she was still willing to meet her as they appeared in online part together which is at the same time for everyone.
This sounds like a high school clique drama tbh now I'm looking back at it.
I dunno I also get this betrayed thing a lot when it's completely silly. If I percieve some people to have close friendships with people other than me I'm thinking like how dare they but I hope I've kept that to myself over the years. If anyone definitely saw this in me of course its a red flag. But I'm also tired of feeling like this. I want it to stop. Yeah anyway hopefully that's vent over. It's so stupid to get hung up on things like this.
Now I'm not even listening to our first introductory session saying what we are doing at college last year. Great start. I will have to go back and watch it.
(Used different names so it's easier to follow. These aren't anyone's real names btw)
Edit: Added extra sentences somewhere.
Also crossposted to r/aspergirls and r/autism | aspergers |
So I recently got diagnosed and so much of my life is starting to make sense now. I wanted to participate in ADHD awareness month on my social media and spread more information about it to friends and contacts who may have been affected by it. I also want to share some of the many coping strategies I've used that have helped make my life better.
Thing is I have only told a handful of people and this will be announcing it to the world including my dad (over 70 and the picture of ADHD). I'm worried how he would react over 70 finding out his son has a genetic trait that causes a lot of his own personality quirks and difficulties. I don't know if I should talk to him about it or if I should just post the videos or hide them from him.
He's very set in his ways and gets very defensive when anything needs a tiny bit of change. We've also been very distant since he and my mom separated when I was around 7 and we're only starting to reconnect now I'm 35. I don't want to agitate him or cause him any pain or feelings of loss because of ADHD. On the other hand maybe his quality of life can improve if he gets treatment. I don't know what to do at this point.
Any advice? | ADHD |
As title reads, anyone with chronic migraines (more than half of the days per month) taking Adderall XR for ADD/ADHD?
I was trying to explain to my doctor that some days it feels like the medicine works fine, some it’s too strong feeling, and some I don’t feel it.
My migraines impact my world pretty significantly and can cause my brain to process SLOWLY on some days, so my hypothesis is that on a good migraine day the medication works well and on a bad one, it doesn’t help as much. Thoughts? | ADHD |
Hey guys I haven't been on reddit in months because I got over pocd and have been pretty much ocd free for 6 months but now HOCD is back and bothering the shit out of me especially as a teen!!! How do I get over this, should I continue masturbating or would stopping it help? How do I get over this and forget about it? It's so FREAKING ANNOYING!!! | OCD |
The news of the attack this evening is overwhelming me with depression and anxiety. I was in Baghdad back in 03 and i was lucky to get out of the Army with only one tour. Diagnosed with depression a year out and PTSD four years later.
Its been 17 years since we drove from Kuwait to Baghdad, but this attack by Iran has all of my senses heightened. I see the shrinks at VA and its helped me understand what threats are worth being concerned about and which one's arent while being state side. I am so worried that the last 11 weeks of my visits with the VA shrink will have been all for nothing. I am so tired of being so overly aware and cautious of things most people dont give a 2nd thought to. Its no way to live. | ptsd |
My current compulsions are tapping each finger right to left and “testing” my eyes every 30 seconds at least to read/ see the furthest thing away. I also have a thing where I need to rip my skin off to have any comfort. Any scabs are instantly gone and I often scratch to the point of making a hot spot.
I have an eating disorder, agoraphobia, hypochondria compulsions... like 1000 effects of ocd, but none of the main stream ideals... like flicking a light switch, checking the locks, etc
When I met my boyfriend he totally got it. He mentioned I have ocd to a friend and the friend asked
“What does she flick light switches?”
I’m lucky to have a boyfriend who explains my ocd in that situation.
Does anyone else here struggle to explain ocd that doesn’t fit “regular” ocd? | OCD |
Hey Guys,
I have been in therapy with a particularly good therapist for about three or four years so far for depression and GAD, but was only diagnosed with ADHD roughly around the start of the year.
Otherwise I’ve been in the mental health system for over 20 years due to an emotionally abusive relationship with my mum. The diagnosis however has really explained my poor performance in school, my terrible short term memory problems, procrastination, my avoidance due to not responding to messages etc
I feel like my therapy has not moved from discussions about my mum and is not addressing my ADHD whatsoever aside from what feels like platitudes about my self-worth, and am wondering if there’s anything I can say. Any issues I have are constantly being linked to my relationship with my mum and I can see my therapist practically perk up when I mention her. My mum has a particularly severe case of BPD which I think really interests people in the psychiatric field.
I’ve been having massive issues at work where I am unable to delegate tasks and concentrate, and in both my work life and private life where I avoid friends and customers which I feel like I’ve been bringing up every session without much acknowledgment from the therapist aside from “you’re stressed, this is normal”.
It’s gotten to the point where I have weekly crying spells at work because I can’t cope, feel totally inadequate and largely feels like my therapist isn’t connecting this with my ADHD. It feels like I’m retreading my failed high school years and is quite traumatic.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with diagnosis in the middle of regular therapy? It was my actual psychiatrist (not therapist) who diagnosed me.
I am on a low dose of strattera that has been helping a little bit, but is only a child’s dose at this point (40mg). | ADHD |
I’m in grad school, training to become a therapist, and I got back on meds about a year ago. I take them every day when I wake up, and they’re long acting, so I’m pretty much medicated all day. I’d forgotten how big a difference it makes - and then I forgot to pick up my meds and ran out Monday.
I spent the morning desperately trying to stay focused. It was almost like pulling teeth! I didn’t have an 11 o’clock client so I ran to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and take them. After that, it was like a fog had cleared.
I’m not sure I could’ve made it through this first semester of internship without medication and I’m so glad I have it. I feel like I’ve been able to help my clients so much more because of it.
TL;DR forgot to pick up my meds, picked them up and took them later in the day and it was like bumping the difficulty settings on a video game down two levels. Hurrah for Vyvanse! | ADHD |
I’ve got an appointment scheduled to meet a neuropsychiatrist about evaluation and the closer i get to the date which is.. tomorrow, i feel more and more like a fraud, i’m worried about the computer test since all my life ive played games and some i’ve competed in. Is my worries irrational that i will easily pass and remain undiagnosed, I’m certain i have adhd but i can only prove it in subjective ways like questionares and stories, not objectively through tests. Anyone got any words of advice? Im in sweden and they are very dismissive of adhd here, anyone with similar story? | ADHD |
Freshman in college.
I've been depressed for many years now. I'm quite cognitively unemotional. I'm well aware I have depression from physical feelings (like the urge to cry) and physical pain wahsing over body. Nothing makes me happy for an extended period of time from this illness.
I believe it has to do with my social underdevelopment. I totallt checked out of my highschool years, I didnt make a single emorional connection, and still I'm not sure I have.
The compounding feeling of overwhelming lonliness and disconnection from the world has me checked out of the present. I can't get work done, I can't get out of bed. Well I can, but its super difficult. I'm barely functional and smoke weed/drink to stop the pain.
I logically analyze ending my life and understand life id a constant struggle. It's a journey that yoi have to work though. I hate working. I just don't care and want to die. Why keep working to feel happy?
My family would be sad, but I know they could get over it.
Would a relationship fix my depression? Would money? Who knows. Prehaps its an equation of happiness. | depression |
I think after got close to so many people who either left me, hurt me, betrayed me and so on an so forth. I've found its easier not to be with people, be around people, or love people. I'm an emotional empath so I care way to much. I love to hard. My whole career and brand is helping people with nothing in return. My problem is my close relationships always hurt me. I always wanna see the best in people and... people are people. I'm in sobriety as well so I can't drown my feelings with drugs. I can't relapse when something doesn't go my way or another friends dies or goes back out. It hurts to crawl back inside and close myself off. It's really a trauma response because I fear I'll try to call it quits again or worse lose myself again. These cold months in December not only freezing but depressing. I'm gonna close myself off for now until I better understand my role, myself and how I can be of service. It's not easy to be a hermit but I've been on my own more than once and I always learn who I am or who I'm not. | depression |
First I'd like to say my parents are some of the nicest people and only want the best for me (or what they think is best), but if they have any flaw its this whole "naturalism" thing that they just *have* to apply to everything. I want to go to an ADHD clinic to get a diagnosis and medication (if they think I need it), but my parents, especially my mom, is too afraid that I would get addicted to any medication they prescribe because of my fathers side of the family and their history with addictive personalities (father is an alcoholic and overeats, his brothers also drink and have ruined their lives with gambling). Going behind their backs is not an option because they will kick me out if they find out I lied about this because we tell each other everything, and I have nowhere to go as I live in on of the most expensive cities in North America and am also paying tuition.
Basically, I need combinations of easily obtainable supplements that would help with focusing on tasks. Ever since I was little I have had trouble focusing on tasks, whether they be sports, chores, schoolwork, conversations with friends. I thought at first that using ebooks to study was making it harder for me to study, but I switched to physical copies of my textbooks a month ago and find myself consistently day dreaming or playing with pencils like a child or just about anything other than what I'm supposed to be doing.
Please Help, thank you. | ADHD |
Two days ago, I started cutting (superficially, drew a little blood, but nothing too deep) and it relieved a lot of stress.
I want to jist take klonopin to take it all away.
It's not the main reason (I have a lot of trauma and stress piled up) but my lack of self confidence took an enormous toll on my mental health.
Today I "punished" myself by eating nothing but an apple for the entire day before going to the gym for an intesne workout session.
I nearly passed out.
When I came home, I took 4 mg of klonopin (which is cery little) and threw up, only to take 2 more after that.
I ended up having some.rice with vegetables so I didn't pass out, but now I feel horribly guilty fo eating anything at all.
I can't even tell what's wrong with me anymore. I'm not overweight or underweight or anything, I just got a bit bigger during the pandemic and it ruined my self confidence, so now I'm go9ng to the gym 5 times a week and trying to incorp9rate a minimal calorie diet.
Obviously, this didn't work. So I'm just not going to eat much on days I don't work out.
Still, I want to cut. I want to take more benzos. I went to a therapist and he told me to please seek urgent psychiatric help.
Since last decwmber, I edned up in mental wards because I tried to kill myself twice. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I feel I'm doing better, I suddenly do worse.
I overheard my therapist calling me a "high risk patient" but I don't feel like killing myself, more like, disappearing. | depression |
I'm 28 and recently diagnosed with Asperger's and ADD-PI but it is clear that I've had it all my life.
Having loads of problems: low self esteem, hyper sensitivity, not knowing if I'm dumb or intelligent drives me crazy. Perfectionism, anxiety... Terrible at my work as programmer even via remote because of anxiety, fear of mistakes. Tired of misunderstanding what people say to me all the time. Learning is hard because I don't remember anything ( I don't know how I manage to write working code either, like having an ape inside my brain smashing buttons).
I see people as stupid and shallow ( I know I'm wrong, but my brain doesn't ) , but also I see myself even stupider ( on that me and my brain l both agree ).
Aaand on top of everything my brain is hyper focused on abstract world, instead of trying to solve real problems ( making money, learning to teach myself some practical stuff, etc.. ) I'm thinking all the time about black holes, time paradox and similar shit. It is fun to derive some kind of models from those thoughts once in a while, but it's not practical. While my intuition pops out with some interesting ideas I'm retarded in practical sense.
Everything is soooo boring, I get no reward from my brain for doing anything. I see myself as needless and kind of useless.
Even now when I think that I'm so close to utter failure and maybe real insanity I feel - NOTHING. But going to grocery store makes me anxious, making small mistakes makes me go into meltdown.
It's like living upside down all the time.
Thats what you get when you combine ADD-PI with Asperger's. Don't do it kids. | aspergers |
I lack the energy for life, I have depression anxiety and depersonalization/derealization disorder. I can't go on, I can't sustain myself, I don't know what will happen to me but I suspect I'll end up on the streets and then I'll die of some illness or get stabbed who fucking knows. I can't even do the bare minimum to survive because everything feels like a herculean task that I can't be bothered with. It's like I'm extremely lazy I can't do the simplest of things because it feels like climbing a mountain just to have a fucking shower in the morning. | depression |
Just to clarify, if I am to share on this subreddit, I am just trying to feel less alone. I really really feel very isolated in my experiences, with the fear that you guys might judge me or say something that makes me even more depressed and disillusioned about my future. I trust you guys because I think you guys are the very few who can totally understand how it feels to have OCD. I don't even know therapists take our mental health seriously in the first place, they are just doing treatment to boost their credentials probably? | OCD |
I don't know what is what. I have PTSD and ASD. There's other things too.
I don't know which causes what. I don't trust doctors so I don't have the information I should. When I was diagnosed again in 2016 [first time was when I was 5] the social worker was mainly the one who talked to me and explained some things about both things.
I like Aliens. The movies. I like a game called Dead By Daylight. It's about monsters. Monsters don't bother me so much. I've seen monsters. Make believe monsters are nothing.
I made a theory on the sub for that game. It was about Alien coming to the game.
Yeah I see the world weird and I know that. And I don't know why but when people criticize for things that... I'm trying to know how to word this. I have panic attacks. And I take it way too personal and I don't know why.
I'm used to being on the defensive. Everyone hates me and wants me dead. That's what I think. I've heard it irl more times than I can count. I was told by a social worker that the reason for that is because people can tell I'm different and they can be cruel.
I've already known that and expect it.
The last time I got called R irl was seven leaving the houses ago on November 6th 2019. I remember because that's when I saw the doctor for when I got approved for disability.
I'm tempted to not post this because I've called down a bit but I really could use advice or knowing if anyone else... I don't even know.
I got upset because I knew it was... a "freaky" thing. Me seeing similarities in something and imagining a theory based on what I would like, and then other people proving that it is just me. I know I'm different but I don't want to be. I want to be normal more than I can ever say. Instead I have ASD and PTSD, a lot of side things and some physical disabilities as well. I would trade all of these for being just normal.
I want to say I hate me but I don't even know of that's true. I think I hate who other people see and hear me as. I don't think it's the same thing. There are a few things I don't like about me but that's mostly things I have a hard time controlling. Panic attacks for one.
I want to be normal. I'm so tired of being broken and scares and weak.
Make pretend monsters don't bother me but a few thoughtless words leave me feeling like the world is ending... | ptsd |
I'm 25 and they them
Im a fuckup
I feel like I've been given so many chances for the thing I want, and I screwed them all up
A few years ago, I had a serious boyfriend I loved, tons of freinds, and a potentially lucrative career as a biologist
I drove the boyfriend away, and betrayed him in the prosses of my own self destruction. He hates me now.
The large circle of friends mostly got distant after college, and the ones that stayed eventually decided I wasnt worth their time anymore.
I tried working in a lab, but I got burnt out when covid started and I had to quit
I feel like I've been circling the drain since the pandemic started, and I've ruined any chance I had at making something good out of myself
Last time I went home I was asked why wasn't I doing all the same things as my younger sibling who is more successful than me
Anyone else a fuckup like me? | depression |
I create these “scenarios” in my head to see if I like it and I feel a groinal response almost all of the time. The worst part is that I LIKED creating these scenarios when I was younger, and still feel like do, and then immediately feel disgusted because of my hocd. I don’t wanna say what it is specifically because I’m still so embarrassed by it
What if I masturbate to the idea even if I hate it but I want to see if I like it? And then I get off and panic because I didn’t want that to happen. How do I know if this is hocd or an actual sexual fantasy? It honestly feels like the latter at this point and that I’m in denial, but I don’t want this, I feel disgusted with myself and I hate it so much. | OCD |
Hi
I’m from the UK and just been listening to a piece on the radio about adult ADHD. Nothing has resonated with me more and now I am reading through this Reddit page I can’t believe the similarities of others experiences are to mine.
I was diagnosed as a child to have ADHD, but I don’t remember taking meds for it and kind of assumed I had grown out of it. (27 now)
I struggle to sit still, constantly changing my hobbies or buying things impulsively, I struggle to focus on things and listen when being spoken too. I am just distracted and ‘Jack of all trades, master of none’ is exactly how I feel about myself.
I have changed my career several times in the last 5 years, careers which I have been successful in but always wanted for more or different.
I have a good job now and in a long term relationship. I’m only now questioning my ‘ADHD’ as to try and improve on my future. I can see some people have had some great success with medication and I wonder how I go about getting a diagnosis in the UK? And what medication or other methods of support there is to manage the ADHD? (If that’s what I have). | ADHD |
I am the hyperactive mind ADHD - generally quite chill with my physical energy though. I’ve been doing some therapy this year, working through some of the old traumas I have had and finally found a medication that really works for my symptoms. I’ve also worked on a lot of my social anxiety and confidence issues which helps with my moods when I’m around people. However, I still have this feeling of overwhelm when I’m with people that are over energetic/loud/laughing too much….I almost get irritated and/or totally exhausted by them! I don’t know if this is an ADHD thing (I also have misophonia and get over stimulated fairly easily) but it really bothers me that I feel this way because a few people close to me are those people (family) and I want to enjoy being around them. Does anyone else have this?? Any tips on how to deal with the exhaustion in the moment?
Edit: It just occurred to me that many physically hyperactive ADHD may be the energetic type - just want to clarify that this overwhelm bothers me because I actually LOVE the energy they put out!! That’s why I want to feel better around them, so I can enjoy being around them without my mind feeling totally blank/overwhelmed. I think the irritation comes from my own insecurities of not being able to keep up with the conversation, not from the people themselves. | ADHD |
I haven’t felt anything in a long time. I don’t seem to react or anything anymore. I honestly would do anything to feel something again. | ptsd |
So I’ve been diagnosed with OCD my whole adolescence (I’m 20 now). It got really bad in late 2019. I told my therapist yesterday I think I might have depression, and she agreed.
I was on Zoloft for a long time, but last summer I transitioned to Prozac. Which helped, until recently. The pills didn’t come in time and I had to make combos that were too high and now. I’ve brought it down now, but now I feel like absolute shit. I’m anxious, restless, full of dread and despair, and can’t take it anymore.
What should I do? | OCD |
I’m tired physically, I’m tired mentally, I’m tired emotionally. Just existing everyday is exhausting. Im always in physical pain, mental anguish. I’m so angry. Not at anyone in particular but this whole fucking world. It’s all pointless. We’re all so stupid. Death is so appealing yet so terrifying to me. I don’t know what to do. | depression |
So like while learning about my OCD I always hear people say that everyone gets intrusive thoughts and that people with OCD just get them stuck or fixate in them and their meaning.
But ever since my first thought, I’ve gotten a ton related to the original. And like damn does everyone get the same amount even without OCD? | OCD |
I've noticed that I'm different about it and friends and family have commented on it.
I'm slow and like trying to preserve the wrapping. My mindset about trying to show gratitude somehow. | aspergers |
i have beaten hocd tocd and now ive ended in some type of rjocd or cuckold ocd and i dont really know how to get rid of it. i used to hate the thought of people cheating and i really hate people who cheat but now my ocd is telling i would like to get cheated on and stuff. i never had this before and i dont really like it can someone help me | OCD |
I am just about to enter my final year of high school, and as you could probably guess from the Subreddit, I have ADHD.
If you could comment telling me if you had strategies you put in place that were (or weren’t) successful, and what they were. Especially strategies used to get through your final year of school. | ADHD |
I’ve been single for a long time and I get told quite frequently that the reason is because I am intimidating to men. Men have told me this. Women have told me this. I don’t understand how I am. I know I’m super fucking smart. I think I look okay/good on some days. Nobody explains how I’m intimidating.
Has anyone gotten similar stories?
I’m 27 if it matters. | aspergers |
For the longest time I have felt this sense of dread almost everyday. I'll cry before having to commute to school and work. I just feel like so much of life is not stuff that is "fun" to me. It feels like 95% if life is just things I don't want to do. I am so tired of sucking it up, so tired of a life I never asked for that I think my inactivity is actually me trying to kill myself. I've skipped school for almost a week now. Haven't done any assignments since. I've missed a presentation and a lab and quizzes. I eat maybe once a day now. I have not showered or brushed my teeth. The thing I dread the most is knowing I'm going to fail the semester, and having my family be upset with me. But at the same time, I don't care. There is no justification for what I'm doing. I'm lazy and don't want to work hard. Point blank. I don't see why I don't have the right to leave this planet if I want to painlessly. Don't care if my family kicks me out because I'm failing I'll just run across the highway get hit by a truck and to eternal rest I go. | depression |
Fuck
I don't think I want to live anymore. That sounds kind of super hard to write it like that, but I can't do it anymore.
My relationship is in the ass because of my depression and pain. I will probably end the relationship.
Now I was in 2 clinics for weeks. No one there could help me. On the contrary, it has gotten worse. Currently take 1mg lorazepam a day and most recently 32.5mg Clomipramin. For a week now. I'm just crying. Everything hurts. My body is on my ass. I can't do any more.
My mother can't do it anymore either. She's just worried about me. Is afraid. Just like me. Currently live with her. But it's terribly difficult for her... | depression |
So I started taking meds about two months ago. I have always been a fairly hard worker, even before meds. I try my best and I don't slack off too much. But since I've been taking meds I've been working harder, mostly because I like my boss, I like my job, and as long as I can listen to a podcast or music (we are allowed to have headphones in at work) I can pretty much zone out and do my job pretty well and at a higher speed than most. I work in manufacturing so speed = more products out = more money for the company.
Lately I've just had some guilt because the meds make it easier for me to enjoy what I'm doing and not be bothered with the long shifts. My therapist tried to frame it in a context of "you've developed traits to compensate for your ADHD your whole life, now you are medicated nothing is holding you back and you still have these skills/traits backing you up. You wouldn't say someone is 'cheating at life' if they got a prosthetic leg when they were an amputee would you?"
In my mind it is like before meds, I was working hard but making a lot of mistakes. I was operating at maybe 70% of my potential due to frequent errors. Now with just some medicine it's like I'm operating at 110% and by comparison I'm just doing better than everyone else, and it is harder for the average person to keep up with that. I don't think that is me being conceited, I think that's the objective truth in this situation.
Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way? | ADHD |
I'm cuddling up with my gf while she's sleeping as I type this. ROCD is ruining my relationship. I don't know if I love her but I enjoy my time with her but sometimes I feel like I don't love her but idk
I'm at my wits end and I don't want to go back to he psych ward but I think I'll have to. My therapist doesn't think pure-o is real. Everytime I mention ROCD they just suggest things that make it worse.
I hate it here | OCD |
Hi everyone 👋🏻 per the title, considering accommodations. I’ve never had them before and am wondering what I can expect about the process and what kinds of accommodations a person with ADHD might be entitled to? My biggest problem and concern is regarding deadlines, particularly when I’ve reached my crash point where there are stretches of days where I physically and me tally can not do anything, even with my ADHD meds. I usually can only muster the energy to get up to go to the bathroom or snack during those days. I can’t even watch TV or listen to music because it’s too stimulating. I’ve come REALLY close to kissing deadlines and usually ask for an extension by making up some other random medical issue. I’m wondering if there’s a way to just get extensions and such when I genuinely need them instead of just making up an excuse?
Thanks in advance everyone! | ADHD |
Hey y'all.
I've been certain for several years now that I have ADHD. College really brought it out. But I moved out of state and now have illinois insurance in minnesota.
I've been looking in MN but the choices are slim when it comes to in-network providers (or maybe I'm just using the website wrong!). So i thought, hey, telehealth is a thing, I could just video call a doctor from illinois! But holy fucking hell, scrolling through page after page of doctor names with no ratings or info on the insurance website just gets me nowhere. How am I supposed to pick some that that way? 900 pages of names??
How did you guys go about finding someone? Were you referred by a friend or a GP? I don't have a GP in minnesota yet either, but I guess I could find one if that would help. I know it takes a while to get diagnosed--but I'd like to speed this up as I'm pretty much freaking out every day at this point. And I can't just be stuck on the first step forever lol. | ADHD |
Every time I end a relationship it starts. Even short dating periods. When I am with someone my mind is calm even if i know that's not the love of my life. Once I am single ot takes over me. I think about me being single and how awful it is ALL THE TIME. I vant enjoy enything, im not focused, its hard for me to work. Im in therapy but nothing seems to work.
I am so so sad, frustrated, scared... | OCD |
Throwaway.
This has been a passing thought for years and has never been a negative thought until a couple days ago. Suddenly I am crippled by guilt and ruminations and it's really scaring me. It's all internalised and I feel like I cannot speak to anyone in my life which makes it worse.
I'm in my early 20's (F) now. When I was maybe 7 or so a family member of the opposite sex (same age) explored my privates at a sleepover. I cant remember if coercion was involved there might have been. I didn't do anything back. I remember they asked repeatedly to do it again on a separate occasion and I said no (didnt upset me just found it annoying). This event has left no lasting negative effect on me, we have a great relationship now as adults and I always just chalked it down to normal childhood curiosity, as kids are just weird and I would have a very hard time labelling a child as a sexual predator. Other similar things happened with other kids I wasn't related to. I remember one playdate with someone same age same gender I had were I had lost interest in our activities (just dryhumping I believe?) and she tried to convince me to do it again but I said no. Again - no negative lasting effect.
However all the guilt stems from one experience I had with a family member when I was 7 or 8, they're a year or so younger. I was curious and wanted to play a 'game' where they close their eyes for like 10 seconds or something while touched their private area over clothes. They played along but I think there might have been some convincing on my part and that's what is eating me alive. Even though the same thing happened to me and I genuinely am unphased by it, I am truly horrified that I could have traumatised them in some way. It's never been mentioned since and we have a really great relationship now and they are doing really well but I can't help feel awful about this.
I am suddenly just having thoughts now about it that cause great anxiety and panic, like I've really done something irredeemable. Is this just because of my OCD?
Has anyone else experienced anything similar? | OCD |
Should probably clarify im not talking about masking, just more to the book traits | aspergers |
I’ve been diagnosed since 2nd-3rd grade of elementary school. And only for a year did I take medication, and by middle school I got straight As and started working toward getting rid of my IEP, and in high school I did. I’m 20 now, and I still suffer from many of the symptoms. Everyone in my family has forgotten that I was even diagnosed, and I don’t know what to do. I have no license, no savings, my grandma literally drives me to work for my minimum wage pay. I forgot stuff all the time and it drives her crazy, but not once did I ever mention my ADHD for the fear it would be taken as an excuse or like “using a past illness as a reason why I’m incompetent “. I’m afraid it’ll be essentially perceived as me saying, “oh yeah, remember that time I had the flu? It’s still affecting me today”, which obviously most people would laugh I think.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed, and I have no one to help me. No one to teach me to drive, I’ve worked at police station, a fast food place, and now a college, and all were 11 bucks an hour; I even have an associates degree, and I can’t seem to find or get hired for a higher paying job.
It makes me feel like there’s no way out.
What do I do? | ADHD |
I'm really stressed about how this variant is gonna effect my social life, I'm worried things are gonna get worse and worse and I'll have to stay home with no concerts to go to or people to see. if I have to stay at home for the entire winter I'm gonna lose my mind. I already had a few friends cancel plans on me because they got exposed to covid | depression |
Feel free to skip over this rant there’s really no point to it just me writing words that flow out of my brain and here we go Being a college student is weird in of itself because I’m always told I’m smart but feel dumb in college I think the term that I feel describes it best is imposters syndrome because every turn I take has lead me to fall into a self dug hole that really doesn’t lead anywhere yet. I’m struggling with my second year of college to the point where I withdrew from the classes I just had not chance of passing yet I passed them previously just not at this level so I’m stuck in the conundrum of why did I do so bad in those exams/tests like who can forget what a derivative mid test on derivatives like that’s the level of anxiety managed to rack up before a simple quiz and recently I’ve done some not so thorough research adhd as a whole and I’m not sure if I’m going through a phase but it feels like adhd is branching over to full blown anxiety and depression not sure if that makes sense in any capacity but I’m just ranting here because I’d rather write to a bunch of people I don’t know rather than put burden on people around me since it feels like i push off everything I do so who knows why I’m writing this but it kinda always loops back to me contemplating what is the cause of all of the crazy that is my life because honestly there is nothing bad really going on in my life about to go get a job since I withdrew from one of my classes since I need to do something rather than just sitting in my room doing quite literally nothing other than thinking of what I could’ve done to fix my past figure out why my ex broke up with me or even trying to figure out why so many people suddenly ghosted me weigh out a word as to why and this is what I put my energy into since I just came back to reality after forgetting what I was doing to sitting down then poof I’m in my bean bag listing to mr.rager and ngl that felt good to come back to but also need to do homework now so I’ll leave my rant her for now goodbye people of this subreddit have a good day hope no one wasted their time reading this for to long and also I have no concept of grammar when I rant so sorry for that bye all | ADHD |
Some background: ADD-PI, highly sensitive person, pretty sure CPTSD (from childhood) is the root cause of the ADD. Also, tried Vyvanse and Adderall but those were both bad for my anxiety (anger + crying fits).
I was prescribed strattera last week and am wondering if the emotional numbness goes away. I started taking 25mg four days ago and am moving up to 40mg today, and I know there's an adjustment period but this feels... just off. Little things don't excite me, food doesn't taste good (or bad - it's just neutral), I feel indifferent towards my relationships to the point that I don't even really care to see anyone. Was this anyone else's experience during the adjustment period and did it get better? The only thing I really feel is slight anxiety that this is going to be what my life is like if I stick to this medication. I want to be hopeful because I don't know how to manage my ADD normally, but imagining a life without color seems god awful. Thanks in advance. | ADHD |
idk even know what to say.. ive been putting off getting back on meds after i moved states 5 years ago but i finally booked an appointment today showed up chatted and he sent the prescription and left. i brought proof of it affecting my life, put in for my old records. i was prepared for a fight about the legitimacy of my adhd and how ive been off meds for so long but nothing no questions no fuss.. never been happier, now to get my life back lmao | ADHD |
Ain't nothing happening like how you make us feel your fucking lies will end. | OCD |
So me and my bf were friends with benefits . Because he didn’t wanna date me at the time for awhile. I was emotionally attached so he encouraged me to see other people. So I did, I but the last guy I slept with I’m convincing myself it was DURING our relationship . And I keep trying to think back to the past. It’s killing me. I remember saying I have a bf to a bunch of guys. And texting my friend I felt bad cuz I think we committed RIGHT after I slept w that guy.
I honestly would ask him but idk his name or contact info anymore . I also convinced myself of other things like downloading dating apps. Which I did a few friend apps with my bfs permission . But I’ll convince myself I did something bad on them . | OCD |
Hello,
We have an ongoing research study at the Baylor College of Medicine designed to improve our understanding of how individuals with OCD think about genetic risk factors of mental health and medical conditions, and how these beliefs are associated with reproductive decision making.
This voluntary study should take approximately 10-15 minutes to complete. This study is open to English speakers over the age of 18 with OCD who are in a position where they could have a biological child now or in the future. There is no financial compensation for this study.
Please use the link here: [https://redcap.research.bcm.edu/redcap/surveys/?s=X3AMHCHW3FT8ERW8](https://redcap.research.bcm.edu/redcap/surveys/?s=X3AMHCHW3FT8ERW8)
Thank you to those of you who have already completed our survey and those who are considering participating.
Dr. Wiese | OCD |
i’ve been stuck in depression for the past week or two and i can’t get out and it keeps getting worse
like yesterday i could barely keep myself together from everything and today i just laid in bed soaking in it until noon
i desperately want to give up | depression |
So I was having a bad panic attack, and most of it was kind of a blur, but somehow I got ahold of a pair of scissors and put them halfway into my upper thigh. This wasn't really the first time I've had a stab wound, as my stepdad put a steak knife through my arm once "on accident", so I wasn't too surprised that I didn't feel it. Because shock, hopefully, not too severe nerve damage. Anyway, I am actually kind of thankful he stabbed me back then, because now I know not to pull something sharp out of a wound because it bleeds way more if you do.
Doctors might have to cauterize it instead of stitches though. With the knife wound, I took a curling iron and burned both sides of my arm and fixed it. When I got huge cuts that weren't too serious, I just took a sanitized (with fire) curved sewing needle and some fishing line I stole and sewed it up myself. I wasn't allowed to go to the doctor so i had to help myself.
Update: My leg is patched up properly now. They gave me strong painkillers and gave me some crutches with an order not to put very much weight on it for at least two weeks so I wouldn't damage anything more. The scissors cut pretty deep into the muscles, and severed some veins causing a huge bruise, but no arteries were hit. Apparently I also hit the bone a little bit, but it's not cracked or anything so I'm counting that as a win. | ptsd |
I’m starting to believe him. I can’t do anything right. I’m so so tired. I can’t see anything at the end of the tunnel. | depression |
I got prescribed 20mg adderall ir. It’s the 4th day of taking them and I have a higher heart rate and my arms feels somewhat different (somehow). But I haven’t noticed any of my adhd related symptoms being easier or really any difference at all mentally. Is this normal? I feel like 20mg is already a pretty high dose to not be feeling anything from it. | ADHD |
After 5-6 years living alone, I'm now living with a roommate.
I try to be nice and accommodating, but it can be draining. I have to work harder to keep the place in a clean and pleasant state. He smokes a lot of weed, so he becomes more lazy and less helpful. Rather, he is someone who is messy and distracting. I don't like it when he "joins" me in watching TV. He has a TV in his room!
I really miss having more personal space. I realize I need space to myself to recharge. When I was living alone in my last place, there was more freedom to work on paintings without distraction. Nowadays, I feel that I have to work around him. I would say with this living situation, I generally feel more anxious.
I'm thinking a TV for my room should be a good investment. What do you guys think? If you have roommates, how do you make it work?
As a follow up to my last post, I still have an open job lead and my portfolio has been generally well received. I want to work hard, get the job and live alone again! | aspergers |
Like how do you/how are you functioning?
Everything I do goes through an OCD filter to make sure I don’t get triggered. I can’t imagine being in a relationship because even I don’t want to be around me and can’t expect anyone else to want to. And I’m embarrassed by this disease and I don’t want it to affect my partner.
The stupidest things make me anxious so how can I ever expect to have kids and start a family one day?
How are you guys doing these things? :( I’m feeling super hopeless. | OCD |
(Tw: this is also sort of a vent) I'm so overwhelmed with everything. Maybe I'm feeling extra shit because I'm sick but this has been going on for months. Most of my thoughts that I have are said like I'm talking to a huge audience and if i catch myself saying things in my head like that i try to stop but i just keep going. Ik it doesn't sound terrible but its so tiring. This is the worst my intrusive thoughts have ever been and its so overwhelming. all my thoughts are so loud.
But then again what if I'm overreacting and that is how everyone's thoughts sounds. Now that I'm thinking about it my thoughts have always been so fucking loud. And I'm honestly scared to tell my psychologist about how my OCD is getting worse. For a few years it had vanished and for a while its been back but everyone (specifically my mum) thinks I'm "cured"
Can ANYONE tell me how to turn the volume of my brain down? Also what do normal thoughts sound like because google wont give me a straight answer?
Sidenote: i also constantly have an earworm, right now its hell of a ride by bo burham-\_- | OCD |
I’ve been trying to get back into reading the Bible again, but it just doesn’t “add up” to me, and given that a lot of people, either on the spectrum or with ADHD, as a result of their neurology, are most likely to be trans (or otherwise gendernonconforming) or differ in their sexuality, trying to get into a faith that so much homophobia and transphobia is rooted in, made me feel like a full-on hypocrite. So many times I’ve argued over LGBT rights with my family, and the farthest I get is understanding the health risks associated with homosexual activity or GRS (which may or may not b even true.)
They freak out when I so much as try to show them scientific studies exploring the subject. Let’s just say I have PTSD as well now.
Problems I have go so much farther than that, but that’s a dividing issue for us.
Simply put, Christianity doesn’t seem logical nor do many Christians around me seem particularly intelligent (or capable of empathy in some situations.)
I
I plan on leaving soon, but I guess I just wanted to vent. | aspergers |
I have owned a business almost all of my adult life, 15+ years. I was until November working over 100 hours a week out of our home. We converted a room to my shop/office. I’m also a parent to 3 younger children. My business took away everything in my life which I allowed. Time with husband & kids-no, sleep-no, eating-no, self care-no....the lost goes on. Prior to November last year I took a position as the President of an organization on top of my already jam packed life. I was treated very poorly, disrespected, and had many rumors made up about me out of sheer jealously from the other female members. I had a blow up at a meeting to the point I don’t even remember what I was screaming a few weeks later I had what I’ll call a mental break down then a few weeks after that with 6 new prescriptions for my anxiety I was overloaded and attempted suicide spending time in a mental hospital. That in itself was probably the most traumatizing. I can’t even explain how much that put the inner light in me out.
That period of my life has caused me to feel like I’ve gone through a very traumatic experience. My brain functionality is off. It takes me 10x longer to do simple math, read a recipe, understand the technicality of the vacuum not working from being clogged for example. I’m afraid to do certain things and always worried about taking chances now. My motivation I had an abundance of before is non existent. I don’t want to work, have friends, or take on any responsibility. My husband 100% supported me in closing my business but now here I sit trying to figure out “where am I?” What has happened to cause such a change with me? I feel traumatized and it scares me if I will be stuck in this. I have suffered depression my whole life but this is different. I’ve closed my business, left the organization, and deleted all social media.
Is this a form of PTSD....should I seek therapy? I’m scared and nervous to talk about how this is affecting me. | ptsd |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.