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I keep buying and wasting so much food because I think it's bad. If it is left out for any duration of time it's do hard not to believe I'll be sick from eating it. I think the reason it restarted is because I watched a video on how a guy got severely sick from eating old pasta. Ive dealt with this in the past and it just sucks, because I thought it wasn't a issue anymore. What are so tips for overcoming this particular ocd? | OCD |
This and work is all there is to my life.
I'll lay in bed all day watching YouTube, worrying about going to work. When time comes to get ready, I get panic/anxiety attacks about how i did nothing and what I could've done, how little time I have etc., then I just go to work, get angry at pallets, then come back and sleep. Then repeat.
I'm literally going no where with my life.
Sometimes depression comes back and I get suicidal too.
I don't know what to do | aspergers |
i got raped a year and a half ago and the only symptoms ive been having lately are just Borderline symptoms. I have had a few flashbacks this year but not one in months. Idk.. I used to have panic attacks every night and my therapist and I thought it was because my trauma happened at night.
But now I dont… and now my therapist thinks the panic attacks were related to the cocktail of meds I was on because they stopped around the same time.
Ive been in therapy and DBT but only to treat BPD. I have not discussed my trauma in depth with my therapist because shes not specialized in it. My BPD symptoms have been getting better. Im healing and shit.
But where tf did my PTSD go? | ptsd |
>Nick told Digital Spy: "Tony is suffering and he starts seeing a therapist. Edward, his dad, tells him that he doesn't need to see the therapist and he should 'man up'. In this day, with mental health, that's very bad advice.
>
>"Tony is listening to his dad because Edward is an MD, so he's going along with him. But when he gets himself into therapy, that's when the PTSD starts coming.
>
>"The therapist is telling Tony: 'You want to be listening to me and getting your feelings out.' All the while, Edward, his old man, is telling him to stop crying and 'man up' and it's not the way forward."
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10711368/hollyoaks-tony-panic-attacks-ptsd-kidnap-cheating-death-nick-pickard/ | ptsd |
Hi, I'm 19-year-old suffering from OCD since I was 13 or onwards and my OCD revolves around intrusive thoughts and urges. My question is do people after battling with their theme for OCD end up acting on it because like a normal OCD patient I would constantly avoid the thing that caused me stress or try and find a way to stop my anxiety. However, I have noticed after a while I get the urge to do it and as usual I ignore it but on a certain day, my mind will convenience me to do it. Afterwards, I feel completely fine and often the thought just goes away for a bit until I then realise what I have done and this causes me anxiety. Does this happen to everyone else or is it just to some people?. I have read on Reddit and else where we're have acted on their OCD impulses and have regretted it later. However, they have HOCD whereas I have intrusive thought OCD focused on religion. | OCD |
I honestly can't stop thinking about the cuts on my left arm. No matter what I'm doing at any point in the day, something will draw my attention back to the cuts on my arm. No matter how many times I say "at least let these heal before cutting again." I find myself cutting my wrist again. I'm starting to run out of space on my wrist and I still haven't even tried to reach out for help because I don't want to worry any friends or family.
I'm super tired, I feel sick, my hands are shaking, I feel demotivated, and I keep finding myself using self harm as a punishment for all these things. I keep telling myself that all of these things are products of ME messing up and I even cut myself as a punishment for cutting myself. Stupid right?
I honestly don't have a clue on how I managed to get back into this mind space after abstaining from self harm for a whole year. I don't understand how I managed to fuck up this badly after a whole year of thinking I was okay.
This is a situation that can't be dealt with by leaving it alone but I never find myself actively searching for help. It's only been 3 days since I relapsed and I already have 40-60 cuts on my left arm. Self harm has made itself a permanent thing in my life in only THREE days. Fucking embarrassing. | depression |
Working 45 hrs in 4 days. 2pm-12am thurs-Sunday and one 4am-9am Saturday. And then spending your one day off in bed the whole day. Literally only got up to eat, use the bathroom and went back to bed. Doesn’t really surprise me that this happened but kinda concerns me. | aspergers |
In my life i have been in a lot of social, studies or work related situations where they ask you to come to a meeting, or to get a phone call, to solve something that could had been resolved in 5 minutes through text or e-mail.
Now my entire day has been ruined because i have to wait for this teacher to tell something that he is not even hinting wtf it is. Asked me if it was ok to call me yesterday. Saw the text like 10 hours later and is supposedly calling me now.
The issue whatever it is could had been solved already in that time period and we will be going along with our lives. But no, bastard had to chain me to a phone call.
Same with zoom meetings. Why the hell do NTs cannot do with just writing and solving things quickly ?
I hate phone calls. My entire life i have avoided calls. I thought that this era would stop this nuisance, but it haven't. Aghh. | aspergers |
I keep getting intrusive thoughts of my dad. This has been going on for over a year. These are by far the worst intrusive thoughts I've ever had. I have ocd, which certainly makes this much worse. But all the thoughts involving him are connected to a traumatic experience involving him just mentioning is very triggering. I don't hate him, but our relationship is very superficial. It was an especially creepy, and unnerving one. Can anyone relate? And if so, how do you or did you deal with it? Can it be overcome? | ptsd |
Im soo scared of having false memory ocd and i dont even know how that works but I’m scared i might get it idk | OCD |
Or telling an anxious person to “just calm down”, or telling a inexperienced basketball player to “just aim better” or telling a resentful person to “just get over it” or telling an insomniac to “just go to bed”.
Sometimes when someone tells me to “just try harder” I want to snap back at one of their insufficiencies in the equivalent way.
I actually have a few times. Of course, they just get offended and say I’m being defensive. | ADHD |
I've recently just looked into more OCD therapies, ones I've never really known about. ACT caught my eye, because this seems to be like one of the most effective treatments (empirically-based), not just for OCD, but for most pathological mental illnesses or general, non-disordered afflictions.
In summary, ACT is Acceptance-Commitment Therapy. There are three main components to this:
\- Context - i.e. the meaning or subject of the fear
\- Person - i.e. the individual
\- Function - i.e. behavior done because of the fear
ACT focuses on changing behavior not by changing your thoughts, but by changing the way you behave/react to your thoughts (i.e. the goal of learning 'flexibility', as stated in the literature). Remember, OCD is also helped with Exposure-Response Prevention therapy, which helps the OCD sufferer learn to plow through OCD signals without a usual reaction. I am convinced that ACT may be the superior version of ACT (my opinion) since ACT teaches the sufferer not just to remove the reaction, but to find many different way to react differently to the thoughts, making the sufferer more flexible to pressure from OCD signals. I've personally found it very difficult to simply "not respond" from ERP, since I have a hard time knowing what a non-response looks like. Instead, ACT seems to help the sufferer conceptualize the absurdity/incongruity of our thoughts, and instead learn the pattern of these millions of thoughts.
\- Since ACT tells the sufferer to learn of the patterns of the thoughts instead of the content of the thoughts, the sufferer will recognize the reasons for the patterns, which tell the reality of the sufferer's mind (the core fear). ACT, thus, helps the sufferer learn to view the thoughts from the outside rather than the reverse. OCD is not who we are, and learning to view thoughts from the outside helps us detach from the thoughts that we normally accept before we try to deconstruct them. That is the pattern OCD sufferers tend to take, right? They have a disturbing thought, then they are more inclined to believe it's true rather than false, then they work to debunk it. Instead, OCD sufferers should judge the thoughts from the outside first, realize the continuation of the pattern, avoid deconstructing it with the usual maladaptive compulsive rituals, and learn to remain calm in a variety of ways specific to the individual.
ACT seems to also need lived experience, like a child learning to experience and regulate themselves in a multitude of situations in their young lives. OCD adults absolutely know how to act in public, but the OCD itself deters the OCD sufferer from being able to easily do these self-regulatory behaviors from their childhood, so ACT can help almost relearn/re-practice these old, healthy behaviors. OCD sufferers are indeed capable of being happy and calm, but it takes time to accept the presence of thoughts, and the commitment to change our reactions to them. The goal, as stated in the literature, is to become "flexible". | OCD |
I'm having a really hard time with intrusive sleep while I'm driving. I've always had trouble with it but lately it's pretty sketchy. Anyone have any tips to keep engaged while driving?
So its not so bad when I take my meds, but the problem is I usually need to do a drive in the morning before I take my meds. Usually I take them 45 mins before work so they'll last my whole shift. But some days I need to drive my niece to school or go to the store a few hours before work so I haven't taken my meds. Her school is 40 minutes away and I start having intrusive sleep issues 10 minutes into a drive. I physically cannot keep my eyes open sometimes. It's not a problem driving her to school cuz I talk to her but I'm alone on the drive back.
I've tried music, blasting it loud, I've tried fidget toys in one hand. I have to slap myself, or punch my legs, or bounce up and down to try to stay awake. I've tried singing and dancing but it doesn't help.
Sometimes a video helps but is also kinda distracting. I've tried podcasts but I haven't found one super interesting.
It's really dangerous. I know. I do my best to limit when I go out. But at least 2 times a week I need to do that early morning drive.
Maybe I'll just need to take my meds early those days and hope the ends of my work shifts aren't horrible.
Even so it occasionally happens even on meds, so Any tips that help you stay awake while driving? | ADHD |
I just don’t know what my situation is right now, I feel like I’m in the middle between being depressed and being just sad I’ve things. I know people experience far worse things so I know I can’t be depressed over my situation… but I’m am not happy at all.
I’m almost 19, going to a university that I feel I cannot accomplish; I have like 3-4 friends that probably don’t even consider me necessary in their lives as I do. I am uncertain on my future, all I can see is black. I’m not sure about anything, idk if I will ever accomplish anything. I feel like I’ll be lonely for the rest of my days… and it’s just very hard to live knowing I am not important to anyone’s life and I will never be… I will be just a mister nobody that no one thought as meaningful in their life.
I just feel like, if somebody ram me over, shot me or really anything, no one’s life will be affected at all.
I don’t want to kill myself, but the constant thought of being as not-important as a human can get keeps me awake at night. | depression |
It's absolutely brutal, waking up around 2/3am then awake for a couple of hours, then finally asleep around 5/6. Puts me in a terrible mood, I turn to coffee to try and wake myself up for work which makes things I normally struggle with much worse. Snappy at people, mind fuzzy. All in all the worst part of it for me, trumps bad life decisions any day | ADHD |
Sometimes when I pray, I become absolutely convinced that I promised to do something and must do it. What can I do? | OCD |
This happened to me over the weekend:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/f8dxgm/ran_into_my_ex_girlfriend_last_night_who_a_lot_of/
My ex the one person who ever loved me in my life, does not care about me.
I broke down tonight over this and texted my best friend about it. They ignored me.
I sent a message about it to another old friend of mine that I usually trust with serious things like this. They ignored me too.
I do not matter at all to anyone that I care about. I am completely worthless to the rest of the world. I can’t fucking take it anymore. I just want to find the easiest and most painless way to kill myself and just get it the fuck over with. I’ve fucking had it. | ptsd |
My wife and I have been talking about getting a puppy for as long as we've been talking about getting a house. 4 months ago, we were able to find a beautiful home in the country with a massive backyard for our future dog. Things got really busy with new house life over the summer and talks of getting a dog slowed while we made the house a home. In August, we found ourselves starting to talk about rescuing a dog again. We both agreed that September would be a great time for a pet, plenty of time to play outside and bond before the long cold Minnesota winter began.
Last week, my wife encouraged me to stop by the local Humane Society with her and check out the dogs. This ends up becoming a series of stops ultimately resulting in us adopting a wonderful 7 month old black lab we named Cosmo (after the night sky).
The thing to understand about my wife is that she battles with contamination OCD. She has good days. She has bad days. And then she has terrible months.
Three years ago, I witnessed her first terrible month(s) session. It was the most helpless I've ever felt. All I wanted to do was to comfort my wife and give her the strength to battle through. She would get multiple panic attacks a day over fears of a contaminant from her job being everywhere in her apartment. It was a new obsession that ultimately led to a career change.
The reason I mention her worst time is that only a day after picking up Cosmo (our new dog), my wife started to show signs of extreme unease and stress. We commute together so we would spend all the time discussing how we are both adjusting to having a pet in our house. Most of our discussions focused on her and how she is managing and what support she needs. Sadly to no avail. Her OCD has roared to life creating what seems to me endless panic attacks. Similar to what was occuring during her previous worst.
She doesn't want to give up, she loves Cosmo and he is a great puppy. But I can tell she is at her breaking point and I refuse to see her cross that line again. On one hand, it's hard for me to throw the towel in for her as she is a fierce fighter. But I absolutely refuse to let my wife relapse to these depths again. This was our conversation on our way home from work today.
And then we got home. 3 more panic attacks later and my wife surrendered that he has to go back and she cannot handle it anymore.
I'm exhausted. I work in tech and the days can be long. I've been the sole person caring for the puppy and handling household chores while trying to be emotionally available and supportive for my wife. This post is just an exhale of everything that's been going on. | OCD |
Just wondering because I’ve never been able to describe the type of torment we go through inside of our heads. I’m usually brushed off and discarded as being a hypochondriac.
It’s agonizing dealing with this every single day. | OCD |
Hi everyone, I’m in high school and have always had issues focusing, even without friends or distractions I think about useless things and the snap back to reality and realized I missed tons of info, A few things I do are constantly day dream I shake my leg pretty much anytime I’m sitting and just can’t focus on something longer then 5-10 mins, I have not been diagnosed with ADHD but I talked to one of my parents about getting tested and they pretty much just shut me down and said they know people who have it and it’s not me. I know it’s possible I don’t have it but I would prefer medical advice. The reason I’m really getting concerned now is with school it seems harder then ever to focus, if anyone has any suggestions let me know, thank you. | ADHD |
Help, I'm 14 years old and I often get unwanted thoughts of children's abuse. I hate it and I have often choked myself or slapped myself for thinking like that. For starters, I don't feel inherent attraction to kids to check I watched the trailer of cuties, I nearly puked. I was very scared and confused if I was going to be a future pedo. But then I found out I could be suffering from POCD but I'm very new to it and confused as hell whats the difference between a non-offending pedo and this condition. Don't both hate it and don't want to harm someone. I'm really uneducated in this topic and truly worried for my future
But I want to know the difference between non-offending pedophiles and POCD sufferers. I'm asking because Something very concerning happened, When I was holding my niece I always made sure my hands were inappropriate places, but these thoughts started running in my head, and then it resulted in a groinal response.I hated it so much that was the day I nearly killed myself from choking from my room curtains. I heard somewhere groinal response doesn't equal desire but I'm still very concerned and I do not know if it's true. Am I still a sufferer or a future pedo?
Can you please help and lay down the differences for me and I'm open to answering any questions as much as I can in the comments for further clarification of my situation. If you can please some ways I can find out about myself and get better. I have big dreams and I love my family but this thing (Idk what if is real pedophilia or OCD) makes me want to give it all up sometimes. and KMS | OCD |
I just got home after I drove by myself to the grocery store and back. I’ve been daydreaming about this for months and I finally did it!
I struggled so hard with it, just last week I got in my car, started to cry and gave up on driving. And today I did it! I bought my car in July and just now I managed to do this, it took a while.
I wanted to share this here to inspire someone who is also struggling with something in their life. You can do it, don’t give up, you’re not a failure and it’s okay to take your time. Having adhd means that sometimes, a few things are harder for us in the beginning and we have to put extra effort. But when we’re finally able to do it, we get way happier about it than neuro typical people, it’s pretty cool to be so freaking happy for something so simple.
If you that are reading this is struggle to do something, you can do it, go on. You’ll only fail if you give up because it seems too hard. | ADHD |
My adhd tremendously impacts my life. I’m in my senior year of HS and my adhd really negatively affects my school life. I’m homeschooled which is a blessing and a curse, but i’m very behind on my assignments so I was trying to work on catching up. Impossible. I have felt so terrible and empty these past few days and I’ve had no motivation for absolutely anything. I had one assignment to do and for three days straight I would sit at my computer and just look at the screen and then get distracted and do something else. I couldn’t bring myself to do that assignment. The farthest I would get would be writing a sentence and then my focus was somewhere else and I couldn’t bring myself to touch the assignment again. I just couldn’t. It was terrible and I felt like such a disappointment and failure. But tonight, at 4am, I found out I could do that assignment on my phone. I wanted to check if there was another way I could possibly get the assignment done and I had a hint of motivation and hope that using my phone would do the job. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up completing the entire assignment and even doing more all on my phone while laying in bed. The thing is, I know I wouldn’t of been able to do that on my computer without destroying my mind. Like, I wouldn’t even of been able to force myself, at least not with how i’ve been feeling. Does anyone have any clue why this happened?? | ADHD |
Like, when someone is late for a place, that person starts to get stressed and starts running to get there on time, but no one realizes that it's much better if you calm down so that you can do things properly. It don't change much the time you will get there, and it's better for yorself. Just something i noticed in part of my family, and i can't understand. | aspergers |
Im gonna be blunt. Im severely depressed. And it’s something ive been working on with a therapist. I have not been diagnosed yet (speaking to my pcp today). But ive related a LOT to this sub and the things i struggle with daily that nobody around me seems to understand because to them its “lifes hard for everyone just get over it and grow up”. | ADHD |
Does anybody else have trouble hearing and noise and being overwhelmed by noisy environments? My hearing is perfect and I've always had trouble perceiving the speech sounds people are saying in background noise. I had my hearing tested for central auditory processing disorder and I don't have that. However, the audiologist said people with ADHD can benefit from hearing assistance devices and hearing aids that increase the signal to noise ratio.
Do you have any experience with this? Do you use ALDs or hearing aids? I'm in America, where health care is accessible for the rich but not so much for normal people, and hearing aids are thousands of dollars. I want to make sure this would help! | ADHD |
When I was 19, during my first year in college my FAVORITE band was going to be playing - the Dead Kennedys. They were playing about an hour and 20 min away from campus. It was election night and so some people I knew were going to be not too far from where the show would be. So I was told they would drop me off, but I was on my own when it came to getting back.
I also had a couple of finals the next day. But I was damned if I was going to miss the show, so I went. I just figured I would work something out.
The show was a blast, I got to meet and hang out with the band. I even hung out with and talked 1 on 1 with Jello for a couple of hours after. It was a glorious show, will never forget it.
But when the band left I found myself alone - no one was left and the place was in the middle of nowhere. It was 3 AM and my first final was at 9 AM. How to get back to campus?
Well I have had asthma on top of ASD pretty much all my life. I used to be in and out of the hospital due to it and a few times for over a week due to an attack. So I decided to take a shot. I had no money on me, I spent all I had to get into the show. There was a payphone there, so I called the only number you could call for free - I called 911.
When the 911 operator answered I told them I needed 1 of 2 things. I needed either an ambulance to the hospital - I told them I was starting to have an asthma attack, and I didn't have my rescue meds on me. I then said the other option was if I could get transpiration back to my campus I had my meds there and would mean I didn't need to go to the ER.
What did they do? They sent a State Trooper out. I told the cop I was going into an attack and if I didn't get my meds or to the ER it could be lethal for me. So the Trooper told me to get in the patrol car. He then turned on the lights and asked me how to get to my campus and dorm. He hit the siren and we were off at top speed. After 20 minutes he told me we are getting to the end of his patrol area. When we got to the end - there was another trooper patrol car waiting for me. This happened 2 more times. I got back to my dorm before 5 AM. | aspergers |
At a point in my life where, after seeing that neither medications nor therapy brought my life to any level that has dignity enough for a human being to endure, I increasingly find just stopping existing appealing to my senses. Knowing that I will never be able to inhale the refreshing air I'm so desperately after, that I will never be a functioning independent human being who can stand among his peers his head high, I just simply find life unbearable and if I just put them on a scale, the excruciating pain, insurmountable grief and yearning and constant panic just outweigh any positive stuff that happened or might happen. My parents being my only anchors in life, the timing seems convenient as well. They're old but if do not postpone it they might still have time to process my passing and find solace in each other. Seeing that my mother almost had a heart attack because of the pain her son endures on a daily basis, I simply urge humankind to spend more resources on battling this genetic and chronic disorder.
If only medications helped me live. Without my sexuality, without my emotional well being, how can I endure this condition? I cannot process this grief and as a human being the pain that I can stand exceeded what I have so far had.
Suicide does not only appeal to me as a means to end this suffering but it also simply sounds rational. Just plain rational. Nothing is worth having this pain.
I mean if I don't take medicine I can't function because of insurmountable anxiety, if I take them my emotions are blunted and my sexuality is gone. How is this logical? | OCD |
I recently started dating a guy that I really like. We are long distance (which we both don’t mind) and we have a visit schedule we follow so we can see each other. When we are apart it is very hard for my boyfriend to understand my disorder and the symptoms that come along with that. I’m not saying I don’t treat my disorder or that he should just understand and compromise only for me, of course not. I am currently in trauma therapy and I work very hard to manage my symptoms, but he sometimes doesn’t understand that. I may be being paranoid, but sometimes it feels like he thinks I’m not even trying to get my symptoms under control.
All he can focus on is that I treat him like he’s my ex and how un-fair that is. I’m not sure what to do when my ex is the monster that traumatized me for years. I can’t help where it stems from and he can’t grasp that.
I don’t know what to do. | ptsd |
I'm 24 and I've been trying for the last 8 years to get a girlfriend, make friends, get a nice job, all that shit that makes a good life good. I lost weight, I got various jobs, put myself out there to make friends, shot my shot for many girls. I tried and tried and tried. I did everything I was supposed to do.
and yet the past 8 years have taught me that I am truly unlovable. Friendships are shallow. and alcohol is really my only friend. 8 fucking years and I have achieved NOTHING. I always. fucking. lose.
I inherited some money. not a ton but enough to live off of for about 4 years. so I'm just going to stay in my bedroom, get drunk, eat junk food and jerk off. then once it runs out I'm going to kill myself. I'm DONE resisting. This is what life wants me to do. I am not supposed to have the good job. I don't find love. I don't find friends. I am alone in this world. I'm done taking care of myself. I weigh more than I ever have and I don't give a flying fuck. What's it gonna do? kill me?
Fuck this life shit. I should have either been born a woman or a testosterone exuding manly man because the type of guy I am is completely rejected from society. I (used to be) one of those softy, super loving, caring type dudes. But no one wants that. People want love from women and... testosterone energy and money from guys. So I've long killed off that part of me. I hate everything and everybody now. I've been backstabbed and rejected from every human I've ever met. Fuck this stupid species.
I'm done resisting. Fuck this planet. Hope we all die soon. | depression |
Hello!
I was just diagnosed with asperger/autism, and I'm trying to make sense of it. People had suspected, when I was a child, that I had autism because I was a late speaker (said my first word when I was two and half), had poor motor and social skills, and was a gifted student.
But now, I feel like things are different. I told a friend about it and he said I was too interested in people/gossipy to have autism. Is that a thing? Besides that, I don't have much trouble understanding sarcasm or jokes (it's the tone!) though I do have some trouble connecting with others and understanding others on a deeper level.
So I was diagnosed after several sessions, but I'm not sure. | aspergers |
I finally got to talk to my therapist about some of my intrusive thoughts I was afraid of talking about and also asked her if she thought I had OCD. And well yeah, she does believe this to be OCD and my intrusive thoughts were truly intrusive thoughts. So, I guess knowing what I'm experiencing properly is a step forward to finding a way to get better. | OCD |
My husband shaved his beard in a different way to normal. That was yesterday. I still cant look at his face. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and makes me want to cry. I told him I am sorry. I told him I have difficulties looking at him because of this sudden change. And I realize this is ridiculous but still I feel so bad inside. I feel bad for him (he wants to feel handsome and now his wife cant even look at him) and I feel bad for myself (I dont want his face to look different and this is stupid).
Tell me your stories with difficulties relating to changes. Maybe this would cheer me up. | aspergers |
Hi everyone. I have Pure O and one of the forms it takes on is scrupolosity. I have CONSTANTLY been having intrusive thoughts of the Unpardonable Sin (blasphemy against the Holy Spirit cannot be forgiven) and my intrusive thoughts include me selling my soul for nothing in return, and constantly cursing at the Holy Spirit.
I have been told to bind and rebuke these demonic images and thoughts from my pastor, who believes I am possessed.
Day and night I find images mocking Lord Jesus appear, and they are so unpleasant and horrifying, like of him masturbating.
I keep having thoughts saying 'rape the Virgin Mary' and I CONSTANTLY say the worst things during prayer. This morning while praying, the thought 'Shut Up Jesus' came to mind and I spent such a long time repenting for that Sin. I'm very religious and I'm autistic and this whole debacle has caused me to pray at length most of the day for forgiveness.
It's very hard, please, I'd appreciate anything you guys might be able to offer in terms of replies.
Thanks guys, in advance. | OCD |
For others who have experienced being too depressed to really do much with your free time, how have you responded to friends/acquaintances who ask you things like what are you doing, what have you been up to, what sorts of things do you like to do, etc. Basically just asking about what you do in your free time.
I find it so difficult, it feels like there is no good option. I can just say 'nothing' and kind of laugh it off, but that typically results in the conversation going no where and the other person likely just thinking im boring. I can try to mention my typical interests, and that can work in getting a conversation going... but it just feels weird and sometimes even a bit fake. I can't help but think about how, yes those *were* things I liked doing... but it's likely been several months since then. And I rarely have any current information about those hobbies/interests.
Part of me sometimes just wants to be brutally honest and straight up say that I haven't really felt like doing anything in a long time. But then I'm not really sure if its a good time/place/person to try having that conversation. And even if I was, I feel like the other person might not really get what I'm trying to say, ya know? I know thats a pretty common concern.
So basically, what do you guys tend to do in these situations? | depression |
I have ocd tendencies surrounding mistakes I’ve made in the past and my brain blowing it to the point of me feeling terrified, paranoid, and guilty about something that I did.
It’s coming back with the same event I had a breakdown over 1 or 2 months ago and I really don’t want to go down the path of researching, confessing, feeling anxious, feeling paranoid, and that general choking guilt again. I have two exams and I don’t have that kind of time.
Please if anyone has any advice on how I can cope a bit better with it or just try to soften the blow help me out. I’m so scared. | OCD |
My uber driver today and I were just chatting about life and I told him I just graduated from UNCC. He said he used to work there for about 7 years or so and the topic about the shooting came up. He said “honestly, I was really close to the shooting back in April and I just had to leave, it was too hard for me.” I was just like “OMG ME TOO!” He said he saw the kid walking into the building moments before it happened and just described the look on the kids face as something he’ll never be able to forget.
It’s really sad that I’m even able to have that conversation with *anyone,* it never should have happened. The shooter was in my history class and sat 2 rows in front of me up until he dropped out. In my mind all I can think is, what if I could have done something to prevent this? I think my uber driver is living with the same thoughts, knowing he saw the kid walking into the building before it happened. It was just really comforting to know I’m not alone. I feel alone all the time about this stuff. | ptsd |
For some reason I'm having trouble marking the nsfw/flair thing so just be aware there is mention of some dark stuff
Tldr at the end
I was diagnosed with aspergers later than most, as is common with most girls, because I was misdiagnosed with Tourette's (no, I was stimming) and just assumed to be a cold hearted bitch in general (that's just how I come off to most people). I got diagnosed in 8th grade, and for once my family understood that my meltdowns were involuntary and were starting to be at least somewhat understanding.
So as 8th grade came to a close it was time for me to choose a high school. I had applied to a few magnet schools and chose one of them, the performing arts magnet, though this school also offered things like IB and ROTC.
My first week of high school, I was "masking" as hard as possible because it was a fresh start at a school where no one knew I wasn't normal and I was determined not to mess it up.
My school did something called tardy tank, where kids who got to school even as the bell was still ringing would be herded into the cafeteria and forced to wait there, sometimes missing entire class periods. If you were late repeatedly you'd get detention. I don't know what the point was, punishing 14-17 year old children who probably couldn't drive and definitely didn't have a car (title 1 school), and most couldn't even walk to school because it was rural and everything was far apart, but nonetheless tardy tank was a thing, and we were informed of it, and warned it would begin the Monday of the second week of school, because they were willing to be "understanding" the first week.
So it's the first Friday of the school year, the last day of the first week, and I'm so ready to have completed my first week with no incident. As I had always been up to this point, I was a type-A, follow the rules kinda gal, an overachiever who never got in trouble. And my mom had several foster dogs, one of whom on this morning had escaped the yard and we spent about 15-20 minutes trying to get him back in. Despite this delay, I arrived at school only 2-3 minutes late.
When I got in the school, lots of kids were still coming in, but we were being redirected by a white-haired guy with an unnecessary megaphone, yelling at us to go to the cafeteria. I was immediately confused, but the dude shouted that tardy tank was starting earlier than promised, and we were immediately shepherded into the cafeteria. There were a lot of kids, it looked like nearly a quarter of the school tbh, and they were being ordinary kids - pushing and being loud and having little regard for others' personal space.
I had never been in trouble before, so there was that immediate shock. Then being forced into a room of screaming sardines. They bumped into me as they pushed to get to the front. There were so many sounds and smells and temperatures and I was getting sensory overload.
I had a panic attack which soon turned into a full-on meltdown. A couple of considerate students came to me and asked if I was OK, and when I was unable to answer, they called a security guard over to help. He led me outside and I was so grateful.... Until he started asking questions.
He asked me what was going on and why I was late. I'm on the verge of going nonverbal but desperately wanting to convey that what I needed most was a few minutes with no one talking to me. And I'm trying to figure out what to say but I only manage to stammer out that my mom's dogs delayed my arrival to school and I have an ASD and I was just overwhelmed.
Immediately, this dude switches to the gentle, lilting, baby-talk, "I'm talking to a retard" voice (please don't talk to human beings like this at all ever, save it for puppies). At least now he's not berating me for being late, but he's also asking super simple questions and not giving me time to relax and elaborate.
He brought me to the office, where he handed me off to the nurse to take my pulse or whatever. She had the door open, and told me to sit in a chair right next to the door, with a view into some of the hallway, when this security dude starts chatting with a few school admins. I can see them, for the most part, at least 2 of them can see me, and I'm CLEARLY within earshot. Apparently he'd looked up my name and saw that I was in advanced classes and decided it was some kind of mistake and they wanted to call my parents - but didn't ask me for their number, they just decided to look it up when they knew my name. Then one lady called my parents, from that hallway, where I could still clearly see them, and complained that they "didn't deal with autistic kids here" (that was a lie, they actually had a special Ed program for people who needed more attention - though I seriously doubt they got anything they needed). My mom tried to assure her that I was very "high functioning" and "gifted" and whatnot, and this bitch looks at me, as I stare at her, and says "she doesn't look very high functioning to me."
It took all of my remaining strength not to cry. My face felt hot, I was feeling too many feelings to even understand. Mostly humiliation, probably. Apparently my mom had asked to talk to me, because I got the phone next. Mom asked me if she needed to find someone to pick me up. I refused, determined to salvage the day. So she hung up and the baby-talk security guard escorted me to my AP world history class. I was drained the whole day, but somehow I made it through.
Fast forward through four of the roughest years of my life. I've taken several AP classes (including Calc AB and physics), won awards from the Nat. Honors Society, participated in countless after school activities, got a new piercing, and survived a suicide attempt and an abusive relationship. I went from being the "retarded kid" who only hung out in the piano lab to being THE bitch you went to when you were flunking geometry. I really became quite an asset for the school's ratings. High school was hell, nearly every second of it, but I think I accomplished some things along the way. I didn't go to that scam they call prom, though, lol.
So...remember that lady who said I "didn't look high functioning"? I was called down to her office one day towards the end of senior year, so she could give me an invitation to some stupid brunch being held for the top 3 students at each school in the county or something like that. She didn't outright apologize, but she knew what I had accomplished academically, and she knew she was eating her fucking words.
Morals of the story: treat everyone with basic human dignity and also don't judge people before you know them.
TLDR: Administrators don't want my autistic ass at their school, but can't kick me out. 4 years later I become valedictorian of said school.
KISS MY SUMMA CUM LAUDE ASS, YOU PIECES OF GARBAGE, I'M OUTTA HERE. | aspergers |
I'm now 17 and live in Asia(in case if the culture works as a significant factor…). I've been feeling older than my peers since I was at grade 7 or something. Sometimes my classmates all seem so young and lack of experience and thoughts(not claiming I'm smarter or whatsoever, explained later in the post). For example, they make poor decisions and have arguments with each other that seems totally avoidable to me as their conflicts in opinions, to me, are quite easy to understand but they just find each other "illogical". They also have difficulty in understanding things in various perspectives and can't solve problems which are obviously clear to me. I thought it was because of my habit of reading a variety of books at that time fighting against the feeling of great loneliness. However, even when I now study at high school, the references provided to us by our teacher that are considered suitable for our age, are also the ones I've already studied, researched and concluded my research at least three or four years ago(like the personality tests to get to know yourselves and opinions on application of the tests in work, the works on wars and myth and cause of their formation, etc.). Since I'm in a country where topics that are popular in most countries have a delayed wave here, I get to know(and research…my number-one-hobby…) feminism, climate change protests and equality of minorities related movements quite late. But I still find myself ahead of all my peers. At one point I couldn't find much topics that both my classmates and I are ineterested in so that I only make friends online who are at university or older. I find this really strange and quite different from the mainstream opinion on the ASD people being generally late in developing(sorry for my poor English…things like "feel younger than people at my age" or "stop growing up since certain age"). Anyone feels the same? Or do you have any idea/theory why is it the case? I just often get confused when I see posts about "feeling younger". | aspergers |
looking for somebody who understands PTSD to chat with. I have a solid support group of friends but I just don't have anyone that understands what it's like. Would be great to talk with someone else and hopefully provide support for them as well.
My PMs are open :) 27M from the USA. | ptsd |
When I'm doing good in my career, making new friends, following my goals and passions--there's always that voice in the back of my head that's saying "you are a bad person and you don't deserve this."
My OCD feels like a physical presence in my body sometimes. I feel tense, I feel like I can't breathe. It's like a weight on my shoulders that I can't get rid of. Even when I'm doing well, it's always there. I'm so exhausted, and I just don't know what to do some days. | OCD |
I’m such a fucking coward and a waste of space. My life is going ok right now but I still want to die. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for happiness that isn’t going to come. My plan is to get some coke from my old dealer and OD. It’s easier than a gun or hanging in my mind cause it’s harder to back out once you’ve taken the drugs but I know I’ll just fuck up or my family will find me and try to help me but I’m tired of being helped. I’m so tired and just want things to end. Everything feels so useless and I don’t want to burden myself and my loved ones anymore. | depression |
For me that obsession was Tron Legacy. I have no idea why, I saw the movie when it came out on blu-ray and for some reason I was enthralled with the movie. Just the look and techno aesthetics just hit me somewhere hard. I was pretty young and had no idea what the movie was really about so it was all about the looks. Even though I haven't seen the movie in around 5 years I still stand by that the movie was good. | aspergers |
I somehow got it into my mind that getting my ADHD diagnosed is literally the most important thing in my life.
After 13 months of battling in the healthcare system I finally managed to get a neurological evaluation.
When I got to do the test I got such an intense adrenaline rush it's indescribable. Naturally, as I do quite well under pressure I managed to score as neurotypical on attention, although some other tests came out as exceptionally poor. Basic orientation was really bad, i didn't even know what date it was. And impulsivity was also really high.
Immediately following the test I sorta realized what had happened and had a complete mental breakdown, was given Xanax which I had a paradoxical reaction to and got aggressive and didn't sleep for 50+ hours.
They offered to reconsider results and repeat the test and that's literally the only thing keeping me from ending it all right now.
At this point I don't even care about meds, fuck em, just give me the diagnosis so I can relax and be myself without feeling guilty for who I am. | ADHD |
after over a year of seeing multiple doctors and being diagnosed with a multitude of other disorders i finally got diagnosed and took my first dose of adderall today!
the nurse i saw was so patient and completely listened to everything i said. when she asked if my parents had me tested she understood that i didn’t have that opportunity as a kid. when i mentioned i had anxiety and other disorders she just nodded and told me when adhd goes undiagnosed for so long it brews other things as well.
overall, she was so patient and i felt so listened to. finally over doctors who won’t even consider testing me! | ADHD |
I was destroyed and humiliated as a child, young teen, and young adult.
I am having a hard time letting go of the rage,revenge, need for power and control over others. I have ran off of these feelings for most my life and i cannot let go. I cannot forgive those who did this to me or other who might in the future. I feel i am becoming a monster. I need a reason to be good.
I am a 26 yr old male BTW | ptsd |
I envy ADHDers because although scatter brained..there is at least a manic dynamicness at work, I bet its exhausting and taxing in many ways but at least theres a dynamism at play.
Allow me to explain. ADHDers have an abundance of energy but with great difficulty in applying them in a singular direction now imagine the direct opposite of that being very little energy to apply ANYWHERE.
Inattentive ADD leaves one so stagnant of mind, that it is even hard to form a thought at times, so lacking in vitality that you feel like the walking dead...years sail idly by, and you feel sorta okay...the internal numbness is almost like a comfortable barrier. Id trade my inattentiveness for the hyperactive kind anyday. Its like a flame slowly flickering out, that almost goes completely unnoticed. | ADHD |
I spend so much time ruminating, and researching. Some themes I've been able to determine are meta OCD, existential OCD, and memory hoarding. But so much of the time I'm just thinking and over-analyzing things, and I've learned that's a compulsion not an obsession, but I don't know what the obsession was that started it all.
Is it worth it to try and figure out what the original obsession was? It feels like to do that I would have to figure out a way to record my own thoughts and review them later, either speaking out lout my thoughts into a tape recorder or constantly taking notes, and then reviewing the notes, and that would be its own mess of a compulsion.
Also, I don't know how to stop ruminating or any other type of thinking. If it's a physical thing like checking the locks or washing my hands, it might be difficult but I know I have control over what actions I take with my body, but with my thoughts it feels like I'm just along for the ride. I don't feel like I can stop from thinking any particular thoughts, how can I do that? Practice meditating maybe?
Also I do a lot of other compulsions like counting letters in words or whatever, and don't know what starts that. It doesn't feel like I'm doing it to stop any particular obsession, I just start doing it and don't know how to stop.
It feels like it would be so much easier if it was the more classic or obvious sort of OCD like I had as a kid, I feel like those are so much easier to understand which is the obsession and which is the compulsion and at least there I have a choice over whether to do the compulsion or not.
Can anyone relate to this? I read about pure-O or rumination, and the examples they give always tend to be so clear about what obsession caused the compulsions and for me it just all seems like a big mess. Is it worth trying to understand my own thoughts or would that become its own new compulsion, what should I do? Thanks. | OCD |
I just started getting help with my depression and suicidal thoughts relatively recently but I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay around long enough to see the benefits. I started meds about 6 months ago which honestly has helped a lot with day to day life. I also just started seeing a therapist who felt the need to break confidentiality to warn people in my life about what’s going on so they can look out for me. I’ve been overwhelmed with how much love and support my friends and those around me have shown. I have to be honest it does feel good to be able to be honest and know that there are people checking in on me. But even though I have finally found the path to recovery I feel more hopeless than ever. I do believe there is a better life out there for me and an end to all this suffering but I don’t think I can hold on any longer. I am struggling to get through each hour at this point, every minute is just full of suffering so I don’t let those who care about me down.
I know there is no shortcut to this recovery which makes me want to end it even more. All I see now is all the pain and suffering that I will still have to endure if I keep going and it scares me. I’m sure it might be worth it but I don’t know how to express how tired I am, I really can’t keep going. Can anyone tell me how you keep fighting even tho you know you’re still going to be hurting for a while? Is it really worth it? | depression |
It’s called “Needing to Know for Sure: A CBT-Based Guide to Overcoming Compulsive Checking and Reassurance Seeking” by Martin Seif, PhD and Sally Winston, PsyD.
I’m “reading” it on Audible and I STRONGLY recommend it to anyone with any form of OCD. I put it on every time I’m in the car and flying through it. It’s a really easy read and they provide so many relatable examples. Probably 100 times so far, I’ve said under my breath, “Oh my god, she’s talking about ME.”
The best part is that it offers a SOLUTION and teaches you step-by-step how to get there. It’s CBT based so for anyone who can’t afford therapy or doesn’t have that option right now, this is probably the next best thing.
I hope it helps you like it’s helping me.
Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07MMQ7HRK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_S0M03M26NSWHRH3X5ECE | OCD |
Back when I was a teenager, I was a "typical" Aspie. I was lonely, I felt all by myself. Was bullied, judged by everyone in my school. Felt little support, other than monetary by my parents. Had no close friends. Poor relationship with family and relatives. And to run away from all this pain, I used to isolate myself listening to music every single day and playing Minecraft.
However, there was an aunt that has always been really special to me. Such a good-hearted, genuine, loving, compassionate, cheerful and non-judgemental woman.
She lives in another country, so I would see her once a year, sometimes even less often, but I would always euphorically wait for her to come back. My moments with her were always so meaningful and precious to me.
Once, when I was 14, she invited me to stay over for a few days at her home. Of course, I accepted!
These 3 days I have spent there are, most certainly, the happiest days I have ever lived, and that I felt the closest to "normal"/neurotypical.
During these 3 days, I needed no music or Minecraft to spend my time. I didn't even need much alone time. I needed no routine to function. Indeed, for 3 days, I had no need to "use a mask", I have never felt that genuine and content in my life before and after this. It is like I didn't need to be alone to recharge, and instead recharge just by being with her.
In the last day, as I was packing up my stuff to go back home, I handed an envelope to my aunt with some money that my mum has told me to give her to cover my expenses there. Without hesitation, she refused it. She gave it back to me and told me that it was a pleasure to have me at her home.
Tears immediately started to run down my face and I hugged her tightly. Never in my life have I hugged someone in such an emotional way as I did at that time, or genuinely cried to someone as much as I did at that time.
I felt so loved. So **FULLY** loved. In these 3 days, no mask was needed to feel like she appreciated the time she spent with me. I felt like my inner being was truly treasured by her. I felt like a normal (14yo) person. That fluid, innocent and natural way of living... She made it possible, no one else every did.
Nowadays, this special bond I had with her has disappeared. I like her a lot, but now it is in "an Asperger way", just like everyone else. But I'm deeply grateful that I had the chance to feel such pure and natural emotions with someone.
Fellow Aspies, have you ever felt such thing before?
I'm sharing this with you, people of r/aspergers, because these wholesome memories have crossed my mind today and I felt like it would be great for me to share this with fellow Aspies. People who might genuinely understand and relate to these emotions.
Have a great day y'all! | aspergers |
Hello ! 25m here.
(This happened about a month ago but I’ve been thinking about it right now and i became suspicious! )
So i went to see a new psychiatrist and he was more like a drug dealer than a psychiatrist tbh, because he asked me what my problem was and i told him that i think i have ADHD and he said “so what do you exactly want from me” and i said well it’s ruining my life and i want to fix it! And he prescribed 50 mg Vyvanse without asking anything else or taking any test from me!
I went home and took one and after about an hour i was feeling good, like REAL GOOD! Everything in life became amazing to me ! I would look at the walls in my room and be like : Wow this is great life is so amazing. All of my depression, anxiety... were gone! I even texted a girl I’ve been hating on because she rejected me.
So i said i gotta use this to do all the works i wanted to do for years ( i want to learn a 3D animation software ). I sat down and played the tutorial video and after a minute i was like : nah i feel good i gotta go out with my friends let me call them. I NEVER CALL MY FRIENDS TO GO OUT,because i have fucked up social anxiety and I’m always unmotivated to do anything.
So we went out and the whole time i was talkative and energetic af and i just wanted to do something! So everything went well that night except when I arrived at home I checked my heart rate and it was at 170 bpm while i was sitting! And a little while later i started to feel pain in my chest and heart area and i noticed my left hand was in pain the whole time, also the left side of my face and my back were in pain too. I went to hospital they checked everything and said you’re fine. but i had pain in some spot of my heart 4 days after that.
Anyway I’ve been thinking about this and i feel like i may not have adhd because of how i felt that day and I don’t really remember but i think i still was inattentive! I didn’t get to test my attention that day tho.
So what do you guys think? Do you think that i might not have adhd after all ? Or you think i felt that way because i started with 50mg? Thanks in advance. | ADHD |
i’m 17f so if that makes anyone uncomfortable feel free to not read -> nsfw warning
does anyone else with pocd touch areas near their private areas whenever they have an intrusive thought to “test” themselves and see that they aren’t aroused or don’t have any sexual desire? that sounds really gross but sometimes when i see something triggering i’ll “test” my hands to see if i have the urge to m*sturbate or i’ll compulsively tap my chest to prove to myself i’m not having sexual thoughts. once my hand brushed against my chest while i read something while being confronted by a trigger and i got the urge to tap it again just to prove something to myself. i wasn’t even aroused or anything i just felt the urge to do it. probably some form of testing and it makes me feel bad after even if it took away the thoughts for a second.
edit: my pocd has become a looot more manageable but it’s this sort of stuff that i’m left to deal with. because now i know how to accept uncertainty in thoughts but sometimes i still have physical compulsions | OCD |
going through a major depression and anxiety phase right now and feel like i don’t have many people I’m able to vent to, i feel alone. | depression |
Anxiety disorder, extreme loneliness and depression.
I do have health care, but I am scared of having depression on my medical record. | depression |
Yesterday it was said to me wether id ever thought I may have ADHD. Honestly, It had never even entered my head.
This will probably seem like a long endless stream of thought, sorry about that.
For years and years I have just put my personality and the way my brain seems to work down to trauma in my youth.
My dad killed himself when I was 11, after being missing for 18months ( we knew he'd done it, as it wasn't his first attempt)
I then suffered physical abuse from a step father and sexual abuse from another male, at the age of 13.
Around this time I developed some habits which I guess I always called 'ocd traits' such as counting the number of times I touched things in pairs (always in 4's) and continually checking if my laces were left inside my shoes. Light switches etc. I also have had Impulses to say strange things that get stuck in my head. I still do that now with my kids, weird phrases or songs that they find quite funny. I have phrases and little songs that I've used since my teens!
I procrastinate massively, always leaving tasks until the last minute, which I have always thought, that's just how I work best.
I got into a lot of debt in my younger years through online shopping, I become addicted to one particular gadget or hobby that then consumes me from morning to night. I can't stop reading reviews or checking deals websites. But then when I get the thing, or start the hobby, the enjoyment isn't there and I move on to something else.
I've also made impulsive decisions with work (leaving a couple of jobs midway through the day with no fallback option) and relationships in the past.
I get into these cycles of seeming depression and boredom where I just can't seem to shake the feeling of 'whats the point of things'.
I get frustrated easily and can be very impatient with minor things. I've really tried to work on this as I want to be a good dad obviously!
My wife is always telling me to talk myself up more, especially in front of the kids. I have the habit of always downplaying anything I do.
I really really find it hard to go to bed at a good time, as I have this constant feeling that I need to make the most of any free time I get. I feel like crap in the morning and tell my self that I'll get an early night, but when evening comes I just scroll YouTube or watch something on my phone until the early hours. I get to the point where I wake up with a banging headache and become ill with a cold or something and sort of force myself to have to go to bed. Then the cycle continues!
I never considered myself to have anxiety really, but in the last couple years I've realised that it's buried and comes out in ways I didn't recognise.
I would suffer panic in bed where I would overheat and become short of breath. I'd get pains in my chest and sometimes feelings of nausea for 2 or 3 days. This would usually happen when I had something happening at work, or a new situation had arisen that I suppose I was worried about subconsciously.
I struggle with organisation and always have done. I now use an app that my wife lists jobs for me to do that I tick off. That helps massively.
I have always considered myself to have an 'addictive personality'. Wether it's drugs, sex (and the pursuit of it when younger) or collecting/ buying things.
I'm sorry this is just a massive list really. It has blown my mind that there may be an actual 'thing' that has happened in my brain that explains some of how I am.
I've got to this point just accepting that I've been shaped this way. But if there is any benefit to getting some help with certain behaviours, it'll be amazing. As I want to be a great dad focusing on my kids, not spending my days with them saying "hang on, in a minute" while I read a review on some random piece of tech that I think I must get. I don't want to be getting irritated in front of them over nothing.
Thanks if you made it all the way to here! Apologies again for the essay. | ADHD |
A few years ago something happened to me that I think caused me to develop OCD. But in the past 3 months I have learned how to overcome it and I'm getting better every day. I can now have a few cloudless days in a row, and then suddenly a bad one, so I'm not there yet, but it's much better than before. On a scale 1-10 my anxiety is now typically somewhere near 2.
What helped me most was the realization that I was rewarding my subconscious for feeding me anxious thoughts. Rewarding it by reacting to those thoughts with an emotional response, typically followed by an immediate intense and immerging rumination that got me worked up for hours.
I have since learned that my subconscious really only seeks to get me into a 'fight or flight' state of mind as a way to protect me from danger because of that unfortunate event. But by 'believing' the content of those intrusive thoughts, ruminating and raising my stess level, I indirectly and repeatedly confirm to my subconscious that its reason for 'raising the alarm' is legitimate. And so my subconscious feels it rightfully alarms me and it starts repeating the same process soon after I relax.
My subconscious knows exactly what triggers me, and it can trigger me in very creative and convincing ways. But I believe now that that doesn't make it any more real. The content of the thought really doesn't matter. So my way of dealing with it is to pretend it's not real, to ignore it, and strangely enough, that works remarkably well.
I learned that my compulsion is to take my worries seriously, to believe them and then to start analyzing them further. I am not washing hands as some OCD sufferers do, but instead my pure OCD compulsion is to analyze thoughts for hours and hours, look up things, reread, repeat, rethink, over-analyze. I'm like mentally hand washing my worrying thoughts over and over again, trying to get the stain of the worrying thought off my mind.
I learned that by not instantly responding to thoughts with emotion, by ignoring them first, or by at least delaying them until an hour later, that I can I break the vicious cycle, break the feedback loop to my subconscious. I fake it until I make it. It feels completely wrong, but it works.
Initially ignoring and disregarding these thoughts made things worse for a while, much much worse, because my subconscious simply tried other ways to give me stress and get me alerted. It tried every meta trick, every doubt and every crack in my reasoning, but eventually it calmed down and I had less intrusive thoughts. But it was a very difficult time to go through.
Perhaps I do have some trauma from my past, and that may make me susceptible to mental struggles, but I do believe that what I need most is good behavioral habits to help me steer into the direction where I want to go. And it's away from unwelcome thoughts and towards what I DO want.
So far so good. I hope my story helps you. | OCD |
for the past 4 months ever now and again i “snap” back into reality and i actually realize what happening and what’s going on. a weird way to explain it is like zoning out but i’m still conscious and my body just takes me places. last time i felt fully aware i was depressed and all alone and now all of a sudden i “woke up” again and i have a gf and a couple of friends. i can barely remember how i met my friends and i don’t remember handshakes and things but if they were to reach out their hand i’d automatically do it. i have no idea what’s going on. now if i do the zone out thing i’m able to snap back in when i want but some times i’ll be sitting in class and immediately become aware of where i am and get extremely confused because i don’t remember getting there.
hopefully someone can tell me what this might be or relate to me or something. | depression |
I feel that people will harm me if I keep close contact with them and situations of conflict worsen this fear. I don't want to work in group assignments anymore, will my university accept this and allow me to do the assignments individually? | OCD |
⚠️Possible trigger: drinking problems
I've been struggling with OCD and intrusive thoughts for quite a while, especially the last couple of years. As I'm sure many will agree with, it feels nice to drink a glass of wine or beer now and then, or get tipsy at a party. But recently I've realized that my OCD gets a lot better when I'm drunk. When I'm drunk I can do things, that normally would have brought a wave of compulsions upon me, without even a single dark thought. It's like I can suddenly manage to give zero f*cks. It's a great relief to escape to now and then, and for now I only ever drink if I'm out with friends or at a party. But I've been thinking, and I'm not sure it's good that I feel this way. It's fine for now, but if my OCD escalates, I'm afraid that in desperation I'll resort to drinking more often and on my own just to clear my mind. I don't know if it's even a realistic fear, as I'm nowhere near having a drinking problem, but being aware that alcohol helps with my OCD feels kind of unsettling to me. I don't know, I should probably just not overthink it, but I was wondering if any of you have experienced the same, and if it has actually led to drinking problems. Considering the fact that right now I still have a healthy relationship with alcohol, should I still consider this a risk? | OCD |
I reached a point where I get so depressed. I am no longer a wide eyed kid and realize work just sucks. I am very forgetful now and like a zombie. Only time I have energy is in hoping things changes in the future.
I know I need a certain type of job that will work for me but can't seem to find it. Getting home is when I am most happy now. | depression |
I was molested and raped by my step grandfather. I only recently acknowledged the trauma a couple of years ago to deal with it. I went through hell. Some nights I didn’t think I’d survive the flashbacks followed by even more nights being afraid that I would. Just bottom of the barrel zombie mode for months. Some days I literally just got out of bed. That’s all I got done.
I processed and healed for a really long time. I made my life a better place full of people that love me and support me. I’m happy.
Yesterday I found out that my rapist is dead. He’s been dead awhile, but no one really cares which is why it took me so long to find out. He had no children and his family didn’t like him. If he wasn’t a Vietnam Vet I don’t think I would have ever known. So, I thought this was the news I was waiting for. He’s finally gone. But I don’t feel anything at all. Like nothing. At all. Shouldn’t I feel better? Shouldn’t this help? Why do I feel worse? I’m having flashbacks again. I can’t sleep. The nightmares are back. I can’t eat. How could this be happening again? | ptsd |
Hi! First post here. I’ve been on Vyvanse about a year now and recently realized I shouldn’t drink coffee and take my meds at the same time. Trying to figure out the optimal timing.
Through reading a lot of threads on here I realize a lot of people go off coffee entirely after starting meds. I plan to start reducing caffeine intake soon, but I have chronic migraines and need to do it very gradually bc the last thing I need is more headaches. In the mean time I’m trying to figure out how to time my coffee/meds so that the coffee doesn’t make my meds less effective. Plus even if I do eventually switch to decaf the acidity could possibly have an effect.
I set my own schedule so I don’t necessarily need to take my Vyvanse early. I’m thinking maybe take it two hours after coffee? Has anyone figured this out?
tl;dr If you drink coffee in the mornings and take Vyvanse, how do you time those things so the coffee doesn’t make your meds less effective? | ADHD |
My sister had to get her blood drawn today. And she just did it. Even though she's a kid and easily scared.
It made me think of just how tired I am of having this disorder. Even getting myself inside a hospital or medical clinic again would take some serious antianxiety medication. I'll never be able to get back into a mindset like hers, if I get better at all. | ptsd |
I feel like I’m slowly losing myself again. I don’t get it, everything was going so good for a couple months, but it’s happening again. Everything’s going downhill and some things are just out of my control. I’m doing stupid things again, I’m driving out of my city continuously spending money recklessly. I feel alone, as if no one likes me, and I’m no one’s favorite, things just get worst for no reason. What am I doing wrong? I don’t have a sex drive anymore, i don’t like going to work, I don’t like going to get an education, I don’t like my clothes, I don’t like my hair, I just continue to dislike everything, I’m such a fucking loser. | depression |
I was diagnosed with adhd from young age i dropped school to chase after dopamine by playing video games. I spent 1 year almost secluding myself playing video games watching anime and reading sleeping horribly with 24 hour days.
The next year was spent trying to improve myself going through therapy and prescriptive drugs making small improvements along the way. My improvements only came from times of feeling deep despair, anger, etc and finally being forced to make changes.
My most recent change has been such a huge jump in emotional improvements that i am going through growing pains. Adopting a visual exercise that uses words strong to me to invoke images I got over my dopamine addiction and everything feels so different.
Everyday I felt years of emotional developments happen in a day. I relate it to exercise where you are burning up your insides but the sliver of pleasure keeps you going.
I am feeling down ATM but there is a ember of optimism burning strong in my heart now and may it help me forge these emotions into a fine weapon. | ADHD |
Hi guys,
I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months ago.
So about 3 weeks ago, i was prescribed bupropion. So the first 7 days i took 150mg daily and then i started taking 300mg. I have been taking it for 3 whole weeks now and it doesn’t do shit basically. My main problems are: fatigue, reading, having a head full of thoughts so i can’t even think clearly.
So i saw that alot of people that are taking Vyvanse, are experiencing a huge amount of motivation and it’s great for fatigue.
The problem is that i am bulking right now on 3000 calories daily and it’s a bit scary to hear that it can have a negative affect on your appetite.
What do you guys think?
!!Didn’t get any benefits from taking wellbutrin XR 300mg yet, should i go on with vyvanse? And what is the best dosage for vyvanse? | ADHD |
Hi,
A friend’s daughter is going through a really traumatic time and her parents are really finding it difficult, so I was hoping some of you who have been in this situation could help.
The girl is not wanting to go to school most days. Showers for hours/started breaking things around the house in her worst moments/wrapped a seat belt round her neck to choke herself.
The parents are concerned for her but also for the safety of the rest of their kids.
If any of you have been through similar I’d love to hear any advice that I can pass on.
Thanks for reading | OCD |
I have OCD, but harm OCD is the most disturbing. I get feeling of beating people on street, killing them or stealing them things. And to calm myself after I pass people, I look back at people to see if they're ok and when arriving home i try to reimagine all my way, what person I saw, my gestures, etc. Please help me 😪😪😪 | OCD |
I’m going down hill
I know what’s going wrong in my life and it’s all things I can change and do something about. But for some reason I won’t.
Even as I write this and know I could just act and things would probably be better. It just
It just feels like I’m sitting in the backseat watching everything go by. Screaming and yelling while my body just ignores me. | depression |
I'm hoping to get some advice on if ritalin is right for me.
I started taking ritalin two weeks ago and it's really messing with my head.
I started on 20mg SR and it worked amazing for the first 4 days, on day 5 I couldn't think at all, was unable to do work and just had to sit down and wait for it to wear off. I tried again a couple more times and the same issue happens, it's like I'm a zombie and I can't concentrate on even the smallest things because I can't get my mind together to focus. I also can't concentrate at all in meetings, it's like I can hear people talking but what's happening around me isn't registering in my brain. Weirdly enough I was super calm so no anxiety.
I went to my doctor and she gave me 5mg IR to try, I found 5mg just made my adhd worse and I was fidgeting and jumping around work tasks way worse than I usually do. I tried 10mg IR and it has the same effect as the 20mg SR where I'm just a zombie that can't think which is causing me to be very unproductive at work.
I'm wondering if Ritalin just isn't for me and I need to try a non-stimulant? My psychiatrist said I'd know within a couple of days if ritalin is working for me so I'm inclined to think I should try another medication.
Should I keep pushing through to see if things improve? I have quite a busy job and this is starting to take a serious toll on my productivity. | ADHD |
So over the past few months I’ve had this obsession with cheating . And what counts as cheating and if I did it or not . I’ve played a lot of virtual reality games to pass time . I’m also agoraphobic meaning I don’t leave my house . And they had wild labels for rooms on there so I started thinking it was bad I was playing . And then I had a close guy friend . And we talked about my boyfriend, school, and I would try to help him get a gf. Etc one time I sent him a tik tok photos I took for a video . And I was in a bralette and joked my boobs looked good . I didn’t think anything of it but after awhile I confessed it to my bf .
From here it’s been VERY downhill I’ll ask everyone if I cheated and their opinions . My bf says I didn’t and he said everyones relationships and boudneries are different . But idek . Send help | OCD |
Hey folks. I’ve been under the care of a psychiatrist for 18 years. We never talked much about diagnoses, instead treating symptoms. I guess it was because it was hard to be completely sure because when I was younger I self-medicated and would sometimes go a year or two without seeing my psychiatrist at all. I’ve been on a plethora of medications as my GAD/panic disorders and chronic insomnia since childhood were always evident.
My psychiatrist over the past few years has been comfortable using the terms bipolar2/ADHD/OCD. She’s been referring to OCD even more so lately. She said they are all under the “noisy brain” spectrum and what I have is an extremely loud brain (think 10 channels and monologues going at once, often one is a word repeating over and over, one is constant worry and one constantly music and not just ear worms, but loud blaring awful beats). And the GAD/panic are simply symptoms of this.
I guess I don’t know that my brain wasn’t normal because I assumed everyone had that.
What I’m confused about is the fact I don’t have what I thought were “compulsions.” I guess that yeah I do obsess constantly with over a variety of things. Almost all my thoughts are intrusive and I wish my brain would shut the hell up. Often things so far ahead into the future and out of my control. I spend a chunk of my life envisioning this potential or realistic scenario I may be in and have to imagine every possibility and outcome that may come along the way and how I will figure it out. Sometimes I store this in my brain over and over as the potential unknowns are ever-growing and I need to make sure I’m mentally and physically prepared for all of them. I can’t spend a night away from home without packing for a week and panicking over everything that could come up be uncomfortable. If I’m going on a trip I write them all down and what I’ll do.
But the majority of this planning for future stresses is in my head. So to me this sounds like anxiety and obsessions. Overpacking and worry lists, journals are kind of normal right? Is there a fine line between an obsession and a compulsion and do any of you folk with OCD experience this in a similar way? | OCD |
i’m like a walking piece of shit. i don’t mean that i’m an asshole though,. today i sent my teacher an email telling her i hope she’s ok (she’s not feeling well) and i hope she gets better soon with a few other things. i say i’m a walking piece of shit because i look like a piece of shit. i’m such a fucking fatass and i can’t seem to control anything. i’m way overweight for my age and people deny my own weight. “no way dude!! you can’t be 150!!” i just wish i were skinny. i read something about eating disorders and i guess that triggered mine to start up again. i go from not eating anything to binge eating everything. i’m just another failure in this world who eats shit and is shit. why are we here? what is this purpose? my girlfriend probably just uses me for money. i ask her if she’s doing well, how is her family doing, i’m nice!! but all i get in return is “ur emo lol” and getting cheated on. i’m doing better than last year but i’m just filled with no motivation. i’m not suicidal anymore and i guess that’s good but i think i still deserve this. i want to automatically be better but then this shit gets in my brain. i go to a therapist, i took medication, A LOT OF IT, and nothing works. | depression |
I've been struggling/spiraling since april with self-harm impulses and am feeling lost and alone. I've tossed my medication as It's useless if a psych can't monitor it. I've been destroying myself and blacking out. there's nothing anybody can do and I feel as if my time on earth is coming to an end. I just want to finally rest. 13 years of trying only to be left in a hole. | OCD |
I often pick at my nails and cuticles and that often messes it all up. Often it escalates to me using a knife to bring it back to normal but that just further damages the situation and the result is fairly painful
got a dollar store cutcicle trimmer and now whenever i feel the urge to pick at my cuticles i just cleanly take them all off with the trimmer instead and my finger tips stay pain-free and looking normal | aspergers |
So it was trans porn, back when I was 16/17 I remember trying trans porn and not liking it at all, I actually always used to use this instance to prove against my HOCD but then I thought more about it and like why did I even want to see that stuff in the first place? I obviously must have thought I liked the idea of it before I saw it? I literally can’t remember what brought me to watch, the only vague memory I have is that I liked strap on a lot and maybe I wanted her to have a real penis? I don’t have such fetishes and I find penises disgusting so I really cannot think of any other reason besides from the memory for why I did
Now let me say this, there’s nothing wrong with the type of porn you watch, and many straight men can enjoy trans porn but personally for me that’s not something I would be comfortable having in my life style and I think that’s ok, there’s also nothing wrong with trans women and I do believe they’re real women, this is more about the penis aspect of it all | OCD |
I think the point I'd try to make is that having Asperger's can lead you down a path to destruction, because we so desperately want to trust.
I was married for >20 years. Her hostility started right after the son turned 1 year old.
I think many of us tough it out, thinking, "She'll have to come around eventually, right?" No, she doesn't. People who suck won't stop sucking. But men don't have any support. Nobody cares if a man is being abused. They wouldn't believe it.
I also figured that leaving meant leaving the kids with her, and I couldn't do that. I should have left ten years earlier. The kids grew up watching me being othered and shamed every day, watching me eat her crap. So I eventually fell into it. She wanted to fight over everything, so that's what we did. I don't have a lot of emotions on my own. I tend to absorb the feelings of those around me. And she was pretty much everyone around me, and she just couldn't be nice.
I was only diagnosed a few years ago at 46. So what I was doing was sticking close to the only people (her) I had. And I figured she'd be my last chance at mating. It was her idea for me to get assessed, and then she denied it. When we got together, I had no way of knowing her whole family is nuts. At the cousin's house, every single member of that family is on brain drugs.
Asperger's means you're faithful to a fault. This is a cautionary tale. You have to be ready to turn your back on them. They will not hesitate to turn their backs on you.
I'm working through the trauma. I guess I'll get better. And I'm in a safe place for now. But I'd recommend having a person or two when your entire life is upended. | aspergers |
Before anything, I don't have ocd just slight tendencies but really mild so I am probably pretty naive towards this topic, sorry if I misunderstand it.
When people with harsh ocd who have to wash their hands multitudes of times or repeat opening the door multiple times until they get the perfect "just right" moment.
Could it be possible to have this strategy in mind, to when you wash your hands instead of washing it 80 times you can get your thoughts and wisdom together and think, ok normally I want to do it first try but it ends up repeating for an hour, so if I use 80 times the soap in 1 go then anti-bacterial after then a wipe then it should be clean enough if not cleaner then what I thought before hand.
And if it doesn't feel right again then you can think, ok next time I'll use 90 times the soap or 70 times the soap, you're saving the time spend being frustrated and spending it all in one effort which makes you less frustrated in the end.
Same could go for opening a door, have the wisdom before hand and think ok I'm gonna put so much power at this angle degree, if that doesn't work I'll try one more time, otherwise i'll keep my strategy for the next time and I'll scheme my door opening skills until next try.
And the stereotypical pens straight on your table, what if you have a 3d printed holder for all your supplies so they can't move at all, it's perfect and you can't argue around it.
Not ocd but it feels kind of the same when I roll around in bed, I used to sleep with an angle but now I just choose left, right, back, or front and switch it up when I feel like it but try sticking with it if I waste more effort rolling then actual laying thinking "ok this is what I chose and I'll hold it out until I chose otherwise".
Sorry if I totally missed a point here please bare with me, thought it could maybe help some one out there.
<3 you all | OCD |
When I hear somebody say, "just agree with your thoughts, no matter how bad they are", even though I know it'll help me stop obsessing, I just cannot deal with thinking that I'm not a good person. It's like I have to obsess to make sure I'm not a monster, despite it already being known that I'm not. It's hard to think, "Okay, I DO want to have sex with little kids." or "Okay, I AM a sociopath." when my obsessions come up. It just feels wrong to say those things to myself, even when it's the right thing to do to stop them from coming up. Don't get me wrong, I despise the rumination and overanalyzing that I have to do, but in some weird way it just feels more right to obsess than to just throw the thought away and tell myself that I'm a complete psycho. | OCD |
I have PTSD from being an EMT. I quit the job three years ago and have missed it like crazy. Needless to say, I am pretty nervous. | ptsd |
i get these thoughts,, for example: i’m showering and suddenly i think that i’m actually in a public place naked, or in class. it also happens when i’m in my room all alone, and i can’t relax because i think i’m actually somewhere else, i can’t even lay on my bed without thinking that i’m ACTUALLY laying down outside while people stare | OCD |
Sorry for bothering you, can you just talk to me a little bit until i calm down? thank you anyway | OCD |
I don’t mean to make this depressing but I was just curious if anyone else felt the same way.
I feel constantly on edge. I feel worried all the time. I feel anxious ab whatever theme is going to be next. I can’t do some things because Ik my anxiety will get extreme.
I feel pretty hopeless. I used to not care ab anything and now I care ab everything.
Deep down I want to die but I can’t tell anyone else because none of my friends or family could ever understand. Ik peace will come at least from that and we’re all gonna die eventually. I really really really look forward to it as fucked up as that sounds.
It always feel tense And I try to distract myself a lot.
I can’t wait to die. Ik I need help but it’ll be a while till I get it. I can’t express to you how much I cannot wait. I don’t think I’d ever kill myself but I think ab it every day.
I hope you’re all doing ok. | OCD |
I mean, nearly every professor I’ve had has always dropped the lowest score. I think I at least deserve a response. I mean, tell me no but not answering is just plain rude. | aspergers |
That's it. All this text and all I am.
a sack of shit. | depression |
My brain is always blaming things on me. My brain also spins me hellish nightmares.
Some of the stuff my ocd comes up with is so outlandish I genuinely feel like I’m a different being transported and forced to live in the new one. Like a weird “am I different person just in my body?” Type thing. I can’t describe it so I apologize.
Here’s what happens. My brain will tell me I did something—typically something that I find extremely disgusting and distasteful— and even though it’s totally out of character/out of my moral code and I have no memory of it, my brain will take the absence of evidence as the evidence for it. Then it’s back into the rabbit-hole because I can’t fight it.
I’m not sure if anyone also struggles with this, but this is what I deal with regularly and it leaves me drained emotionally and feeling like there’s different versions of me who did stuff but I can’t remember it. | OCD |
Whenever you are dealing with something bad in your life, do you try to act like nothing is wrong even when you are not feeling well? I've been this way ever since I was a kid. It's not just about not seeking help, but I don't like to show my emotions when I'm around others. When I was 6, I got the news that my grandfather had died. I loved my grandfather and was very close to him when I was really little.
I remember my mom coming into my room to tell me that he had died so I went into my closet and hid my face against my clothes because I didn't want my mom or anybody to see me crying even though it was understandable why I was crying. I didn't want to get emotional in front of my mom because I wanted to look strong like everything was okay even though it was not.
When I was 9, I began randomly thinking about something bad I did when I was 7 that my parents didn't know about and feeling awful about it. When I was thinking about it, I would go into my room or the bathroom with the door closed crying about it because I felt really bad about it but didn't want anyone to know about it. I just wanted to go on like nothing was wrong.
When I was in fifth grade, I would walk to the bus stop which was about 10 blocks down the street from my house. There was this one time when I slipped and fell on some black while I was walking down my driveway to the bus stop. My arm hurt really bad as if I had broken it, but I got up and continued to walk 10 blocks to the bus stop even though my arm was in so much pain. I tried to tough it out once I got to school, but I eventually had to let my teacher know that my arm was hurting so bad that I couldn't move it and she sent me to the nurse's office. My arm was hurting really bad at this point, so the nurse called my mom and my mom came to the school and took me to the ER.
I had an x-ray done on my arm at the ER and it was determined that I had broken it when I slipped and fell on the driveway. Instead of going back inside the house and letting my mom know, I proceeded to go to school as if nothing was wrong even though I was in excruciating pain. I am still like this today. Whenever somebody explains directions to me and I am completely lost and don't understand something, I tell them that I understand even when I don't and need them to explain again. Whenever I am depressed or struggling with anxiety, I don't let anyone know and act like everything is okay even when I'm really struggling inside.
I don't like to show or my emotions in front of other people because I don't want to show weakness. Whenever someone asks me if something is wrong, I just tell them no and try to act like nothing is wrong. I guess I am this way because I am already awkward as it is and I don't want anyone to think that there is something more wrong with me than what others already perceive me as. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me even when I'm in physical or mental pain. I feel like if I experienced a medical problem like a heart attack, a seizure, an aneurysm, or anything unexpected that could go wrong with the body, I would probably end up dead right in front of everyone because I would not want to draw attention to myself and have the people around me be worried about me. | aspergers |
im extremely tired right now, but I have to do a group project by tomorrow. I have a lot of other work but for now this is my only goal. im alone in my room rn and its somewhat dark. how do I make the atmosphere less depressing and how do I make myself focus? | depression |
I was diagnosed with ADHD recently, and it's given me understanding for what I experience. I'm noticing the symptoms a lot more, and have found that a decrease in exercise is making me unbelievably restless (I have a cold and can't train at the moment).
Any advice on what I can try to gain the exercise benefit without cardio/ strength heavy exercise until I can jump back into training? | ADHD |
First some context: I'm 39 and have suffered from nearly all classic symptoms of adhd but have never been evaluated or diagnosed.
Early this year I suffered a psychotic break from heavily abusing a common street drug. Ten days in psych ward. Diagnosed as bi-polar. Was prescribed lithium for the depression that came after. Welbutrin was added for fatigue. I eventually felt normal again.
But normal for me is still a mess. I began to analyze all my racing thoughts. My failures to work and get organized. After much reading and reflection I am certain that I've exhibited nearly every symptom of adhd from childhood except the hyperactivity. It's ruined much of my professional and personal life, but thankfully not everything.
Later this month I'm bringing up the adhd symptoms to my very supportive psychiatrist. In the meantime I've been obsessively wondering about the chance what i've suffered from can be treated, if ill ever get to experience a bit of "normal" so i can accomplish some of my now decades long delayed goals.
I thought this community might provide some perspective on the matter. Thanks for listening! | ADHD |
Last night I kept struggling with myself, telling myself to trust my brain and my instincts, telling myself that *all I need to do tomorrow* is to not write.
There's *going* to be driving stuff that will irk me, I'm going to feel that I need to talk about it later in case I hit something or someone or might have etc, I'm going to end up with a list of things to discuss, and all I need to do, **all I need to do,** is not write those down. That's it. It's so simple. Just don't engage with these things. Let them all go. No matter how scary it was, just let it all go.
I failed. I wrote multiple things and went over all of them with mom.
And to make matters worse, one of them still doesn't feel better. I pulled near a car when pulling into a spot in a parking lot, the disorder went berserk claiming I hit like the edge/corner of a parked car, and I don't even fucking know if I did or not anymore. I'm going with "I didn't," but I don't feel confident in it.
..I still feel that if I noticed a *bang,* I would've reacted totally differently. I'm going with "nothing happened, didn't touch the other car at all."
But I feel it in my stomach that I'm not confident about that.
Thankfully it's just a parked car. IF anything happened, not that big a deal. But it fucking didn't. Right??
I hate this. I hate this fucking disorder.
"Easier said than done" is a FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT. That's the entire description of this disorder. I can say whatever I damn well please. I can say that I'm not going to engage in driving OCD ever again. And the next time I'm on the fucking road, I will remember all these "incidents" so I can write them down and cover them with mom or someone else later.
I can't fucking beat this.
"But did you sideswipe that car??" it's still going. "You'd know for sure, right? **Maybe you did hit the car a little bit, and you didn't feel it!!!**"
I hate this. I hate this so much.
I hate that all the therapy, psych, medications, self-help books, ERP, everything has fucking failed. I hate this. I hate this.
New psych wants me to look into Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation as well as gene testing to help narrow down the next medication to try, even though I've tried most of them.
*All I have to do is stop giving a shit.* Stop caring about whether or not I nudged into a parked fucking car, stop caring about whether I got a droplet of water on a toaster plug that's not even in use, stop caring about driving past a loose brick on the road and not stopping to pick it up, stop caring about the fact that I let bugs in the car die a horrible death if they're stuck in there during the super-hot weather lately.
What an absolute fucking horrible life I live. Everything on the outside is so nice but everything on the inside is fucking awful. I can't stand this shit. I'm so fucking sick of this.
And this is all not even touching the severe religious component, which just makes it all much worse.
I'm tired. I'm so tired. | OCD |
I had one of the worst nightmares I've ever had in a while. I can't go into it, but I woke up nauseous and in horrible pain. My heart was racing and I felt absolute dread. I couldn't get the strength to go to lab because I have such bad performance anxiety but also felt so damn sick. I was honest with my professor about what has been going on and I'm waiting for an email back. I'm going to see if my case manager could help me get accommodations to take more days out of class just for this lab. I would probably only need them for my first year. I just feel like a lazy piece of trash. I love university, but my PTSD and nightmare make it so difficult to enjoy anything. I put assignments last minute because I'm often exhausted or dissociated... I don't understand. | ptsd |
A bit more than 2 weeks ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD and was prescribed Concerta 18mg which I take once every morning.
The first time I took the pill, the silence and calm that fell over me was like putting on glasses for the first time. This lasted a little over a week but that's when I stopped noticing the effects.
Since then, Concerta seemingly hasn't done much for me to the point where I can actually nap for over an hour while on it.
I already contacted my doctor about increasing the dosage or changing the drug so I guess I'm just curious as to what your guys' experience has been like.
I'm also open to any and all suggestions when it comes to reprogramming my brain to function normally rather than the ADHD way I've become accustomed to. | ADHD |
So the last two days have been “better”.
The weird sexual gay thoughts come, but they don’t give me anxiety, and they are coming up less. And they feel less real. The only “intrusive” thoughts that feel real is when my mind goes “oh he’s attractive”. Those thoughts don’t bother me well, because finding some men handsome isn’t a bad thing, it just means I have functioning eyeballs. So those don’t really bother me.
A new issue that I’ve found:
The thought of vagina is grossing me out sometimes? Has this happened to anyone? Wtf happened? I love vagina. I love having sex with my girlfriend. But it’s like every time I say that in my head that, I do like having sex with girls my mind goes “no you dont”. Wtf happened? Just a couple of months ago I was a girl crazy pussy loving guy. How can this just happen after 19 years? It might be notable to mention that me and my girlfriend were having sex 7 months straight before this happened. And I know for certain that I loved having sex with her. I still do, but my mind says I don’t? Wtf is going on? And I had a girlfriend before my current girlfriend and I was also sexually active with her. Is my mind just playing tricks on me? | OCD |
I just want a genuine friendship (18+) with someone who also has (diagnosed) OCD like me. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO FIND?! | OCD |
wow we LOVE life being fair and piling on mental issues <3 found out on top of every other diagnosis and all the problems my depression/ptsd have given me that normal people don’t lose control of their body when they’re sad and it’s called psychomotor retardation :) i’m sixteen and am already out of school from severe mental health issues LOVE not being able to even have a chance at a slightly normal life and i once again get shit on. | depression |
I don’t know if that is a dumb question but I feel like it’s something I will eventually have to just accept.
For example, I would REALLY love to get my BSc in Zoology. Like so badly. Animals have been the only thing I have consistently loved. And I’m knowledgeable about them and learn about them in my free time.
But I have 9 credits to finish in high school before I even dare to think about University. I have been trying for almost 8 years (I’m 25) to finish high school. I am writing this as I stare at my grade 11 biology course that expires in less than two weeks and is nearly untouched. It makes me burst out in tears because I want to do something that I can’t.
At what point do I accept my fate that I will probably never have a career in something I love and is fulfilling? I volunteer at the humane society and wildlife rehabilitation centre. I could work paying positions in these places if I quit my full time job, but then I literally wouldn’t be able to pay my bills (not that I make enough now but you know).
I feel like it’s not even much to ask for. But maybe it’s just not something I get to have in life? | ADHD |
Holy crap. My dreams have been crazy. And I had sleep paralysis for the first time and apparently that can be linked t taking antidepressants. I have been scared to sleep ever since it happened. I’ve been taking Zoloft for so many years and it’s never happened before until last night. My dreams are also very realistic and I can feel the pain or discomfort in real life. I’m on 200mg a day (which is a lot) but I’ve been on that dosage for a while so idk what to do. Zoloft has helped me a lot but idk if the sleep paralysis was related. | OCD |
Starting at age 14, I would wake up so stressed out for school that I would be vomiting and sick to my stomach. Not long before I developed severe panic attacks, social anxiety and agoraphobia. I've always become stressed out easily at things that just shouldn't matter that much. My social skills are close to zero as I tend to be very short, and so sarcastic it borders on being mean I'm told. I thought I was a nice guy bc I'm polite but being polite and being kind are two different things.
Anyway, I have struggled with working for as long as I can remember, it's been 20 years now that I'll work a few months and get burned out so quick I'll end up losing a job within 6 months bc of getting sick everyday.
Well I finally admitted that I'm on the spectrum, it's something I've danced around for the last 10 years or so. When I was growing up, there were no diagnoses for autism unless you were extremely badly behaved in school. Since I've always been pretty quiet and above average intelligence, there was no way I was getting such a diagnosis back then. That's just how it worked in the early 90s.
But after struggling so long and experiencing so many meltdowns and overreactions, it's more obvious than ever. Especially since I had a son a few months ago. I've really taken a look at other people and realize they don't struggle with things like I do at all. Well, I've always put so much stress on myself to work or just be normal. Lately, I have been giving myself a break and it has helped so much.
I've been told by a few psychologists, physicians that I exhibit some characteristics of aspergers when I press them for what is actually wrong. It's like they really don't want to tell me if I'm not aware. Thing is, I've become aware these last few years more and more. And it has helped more than anything.
Anyway, I have struggled with working for as long as I can remember, it's been 20 years n | aspergers |
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