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Hi, so I’m a 4th year college student and I have been struggling with severe depression for almost 6 years. My grades are constantly suffering and I feel like I’m trying my hardest, but sometimes it’s easy and a lot of the times I can barely get out of bed. My older brother said something about me not having my priorities straight and that’s why I have shitty grades all the time (when I say shitty, I mean academic probation for a year shitty). As much as I want to fight him on that statement, I feel like maybe there’s some truth to it. Is it just a hard pill to swallow??? My last therapist also told me that it’s my surroundings that are making me depressed, so that also brings in the question of is it me that’s actively making my own life hard?? I’m genuinely frustrated with myself and I dont really have anyone to discuss topics like this with.
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depression
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To keep this brief I’ve suffered with depression for a long time now and currently on medication. I have never gone into psychiatric care in fear that it may affect my future job search. I got my degree in psychology and been working doing ABA. I don’t want to lose the possibility of finding any a job later on because I checked myself in.. please help
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depression
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Even after following those urges i am not satisfied and i end up deleting my account. Also the fact that i suddenly stop liking my usernames
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OCD
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So I’ll go through phases where I’m doing pretty well in terms of motivation and staying on track. Not at the level of a neurotypical, but for me I would consider it on track. In this periods I’m exercising regularly, doing self-employed work, reading consistently, forcing myself to get out (I’m an introvert). But it’s like if one thing throws me off I spiral into a pit of very little motivation where the days just run together, and I get very little done.
For instance my friend visited this weekend and brought his Xbox with Dark Souls 3 which I had never played. I live alone and purposefully left my Xbox at my parents house so I wouldn’t get distracted. Well me and my friend spend all weekend playing it which I am not upset over because it was incredibly fun; I like spending time with a good friend, but he left to go back home last night and said “yeah man I have my roommate’s Xbox at my house so just keep this one here…..”. I have a problem saying no to stimulating things and knew this would be some (bad) coping tool for me to burying myself into. I recently ended a relationship which also played a part in me derailing, but now I just feel like I’m having a very hard time refocusing.
I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD which I have essentially known I have had it for a while I just put it off because of course I procrastinate and my parents have always been against medication. I am the “gifted slacker”, highly intelligent, little motivation outside of hyper-interests. Luckily a hyper-interest of mine has been a way of making money, but even lately I’ve been burned out on that. My parents are coming around to medication, but I’m an adult now anyway (23M), and I can make my own decisions.
Outside of medication what’s a way to just bear through the distractions and no motivation?
I don’t even know where to start.
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ADHD
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-please take meds if needed, this post is just to ask a question-
I heard that using SSRIs or meds of any sort can stop imagination for a while, I have maladaptive daydreaming and have paras (imaginary characters) who mean a lot to me and losing the ability to properly daydream would probably fuck me up more. I know there's good to meds but what are some side affects I should be wary off?
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OCD
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First of all, I am new here. I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. Second of all, im again sorry if I sound like I'm asking for too much but I really want feedback please I don't want to talk about this ever again. I will try my best to keep this simple and short but there are so many things on my mind it's hard to point at one thing.
A little background info about me. I am a 20 year old muslim woman, born in Pakistan lived in Saudi Arabia and shifted back to Pakistan in 2017 to get into a medical university. I think I should also point out that I have a normal family that is very supportive and amazing and I have 2 best friends I can really trust but I can't share this in details with them. I have a younger sister (18) and a younger brother (15). My parents are currently stuck abroad because of the pandemic and I am left to care for the house and siblings with my aunt and grandma.
*Warning: I am trying to go into detail so there is a lot of messed up stuff in here.*
So, I have been molested as a child from ages 3(? I can't even remember) to 12 by different people. It has fucked me up. Some parts I don't remember about it but sometimes I get flashbacks. I will start with my journey and thought process since I was a child.
When I was 2 or 3 years old my mom shifted to Saudi Arabia where we lived at my dad's brothers house with his wife and kids. They had 2 sons and 2 daughters at that time. Their eldest son is probably 5 or 12 years older than me I really don't know I'm sorry. So, I remember, one day he called me in a room. And, well, he climbed up on me and (I feel sick saying this) he rubbed against me. I don't remember much, I remember him taking his pants down but my memory is hazy and I'd rather not remember. I do remember my younger sister standing on the door watching me. Both of us confused, I didn't know what that was or what was going on. Fast forward, we find a house and shift there. My mother teaches some kids of a neighbour, their eldest son is, I think a teenager at that time and I was around 4. I was playing and alone in the room with him
He would normally pinch my cheeks and call me cute. So he did that again and told me to sit on his lap, he forced me to get on his lap. I don't know if his intentions were pure because all I could remember was feeling wrong when my cousin did those things to me so I got off and ran away.
Around 2007 or 2006, my family shifts to another city. I learn that kissing is haram when my mom finds me playing with my dolls. I meet my neighbours, a family with 2 older sons (5 and 3 years older than me), a younger daughter (1 year younger than me) and their youngest son (like 3 at that time). I would play with their daughter and she would soon become my best friend in future, at that time I just didn't know how to make friends and would always complain about her to my mom. Anyway, her oldest brother, let's call him Z (if he is reading this he already knows, keep scrolling motherfucker I have a message for you) would propose to play dark room. A hide and seek game you play in the dark, 2 people go inside a dark room to hide while the rest stand outside and count to 50 and then come to find you. You can see where this is going.
Edit part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/gt5ldw/opening_up_about_my_trauma_or_pt2/
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ptsd
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Hey guys, just wanted to put this out there I have suffered from a fear of schizophrenia since I had a psychotic episode from laced marijuana. I haven’t suffered from psychosis since I stopped smoking weed. But the fear still was present. Even the slightest movements in my peripheral would cause me to have intrusive thoughts fixating on that I might be schizophrenic and seeing/hearing things. I’m doing a lot better now, and so will you. Something I hold onto is that 90% of schizophrenic people not only don’t think they are but never seek treatment because they believe the things they are hallucinating others are as well. Keep fighting, OCD can be a real bitch sometimes, if you ever need anything feel free to message me!
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OCD
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decided to make a series of things on my mind and how i felt about it because I’m trying not to hold in things but I don’t really have people to talk to. Never had a good relationship with her. I feel so frustrated and my heart hurts why’s life like this.
She changed so much from when I was a kid, she used to be my best friend that’s what people don’t know. She used to play games with me and be happy. she’s so different now, there’s no trace of how she used to be. She’s depressed and has no personality anymore. She’s a heavy alcoholic how did it end up like this.
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depression
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Hopefully this post fits here, if not I understand. I'm trying to get to know him more, really understand his inner machinations, but it's not something I want to try and seem pushy about. He loves talking about his interests, and I love hearing about them, but I'm still trying to figure out how certain things make him feel. He's so closed off when it comes to talking about how he feels, obviously. I'm just wondering is there a way to talk to him without stressing him about it, or maybe approach it a different way?
I guess all I'm wanting is a way for him to feel like he can freely express himself to me, or if he already is but I'm missing it?
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aspergers
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Some background information. He (32 m) and I (31 f) have been together almost 18 years now. We moved to our current location after I accepted a job position about two years ago, and he had his little brother move down about four months after that. We all got really close. Flash forward to October 2018.
He and his brother work out of town, on the morning of the incident his little brother was killed right in front of him for absolutely no reason, seriously, no reason. He blames himself, has been in and out of rehab centers (he uses illicit drugs, and most recently, alcohol) to numb himself and avoid reality. Our family lives about 14 hours from us, so really it’s just him and me.
Please understand I am not trying to portray myself as a victim. I just honestly don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to face what happened and work through the trauma, he just tries numbing it. Everything gets taken out on me. I listen, boy do I listen, to every detail of what happened that morning. I understand it is good for him to get it out, but I am not a licensed therapist. He refuses to see a professional. Lately, his drinking has increased so much he drinks straight liquor like it’s water and I become his verbal punching bag. He blacks out every night not remembering what he said/did. It’s getting to be a lot.
I know this isn’t him, that it’s his PTSD. I don’t want this to be the end of our relationship, but in all honesty, I’m at such a loss. It’s a lot on my shoulders to take care of everything that isn’t related to him and his PTSD and then adding that on top of my regular responsibilities. I have no support from his family, it’s kind of like an out of sight out of mind ordeal.
Honestly, at this point, I’m just looking for some help or guidance. Like I said, I don’t want the relationship to end, and his brother wouldn’t want his death to result in the either. But there is only so much I can do to help him without him getting the actual help he needs, professional help. What am I doing wrong? Are there things I could be doing different? Is it selfish to want to put “me” first in my own life?
Sorry for the rambling. I start therapy for myself next week but it’s been a pretty rough week so far, I figured I’d try reddit as one of my last resorts.
Thanks all.
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ptsd
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After having experiencing numerous other ocd obsessions I’m not on death ocd, I drunk this weekend and it caused depression to have me and constantly think of death. My head is constantly thinking of death. ‘What is the point of anything, you’re only going to die one day’. ‘What is the point of playing with your dog, it will only die one day’. It’s causing the depression to get worse in me. Can anyone give me advice on how to break out of this
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OCD
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Nearly my entire life (currently in my 30s) I've had thoughts of sacrificing myself for others. I've also had thoughts of dying, suicide, dismemberment, pain (self inflicted or via sickness or accident).
All of this stems from a sort of self flagellation. Maybe rooted in Catholicism, maybe in the values I was raised with.
I know I'm intelligent. I can see the absurdity of believing I alone can carry the pain of others. I know I'm hard on myself. I understand these oddities at an intellectual level. But at a gut level I am crippled with guilt and sadness.
I give up on nearly all things that bring me joy. I frequently want to take vows of silence (maybe my spouse would like that haha).
I know this is all from some sort of grand story my mind has made up. I have almost a cinematic vision of my life. But the reality is far from the story.
In reality, I've made mistakes and I've spent countless days trying to reconcile with them. But I know my heart has always been in the right place. I've always had more faith in others than in myself. I truly believe all people are beautiful and worthy of love and forgiveness. But I just don't know why I can't forgive myself.
I hope I don't cause myself anymore physical or emotional pain, but I know I will...
I guess if you take anything from this post, take this:
Regardless of your life choices, your OCD, or really anything, I have love for you. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who does. I really want people who are in pain to find relief. I know how painful self-hate is. You are not alone in those feelings.
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OCD
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Looking for some insight into this from people who have the same problem.
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aspergers
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I'm poor and lonely and weird. I want to find a way to embrace my attributes, to accept that I can't be a normal social person. I'm seeking strategies for how to live a healthy life as a person who can't fit in and can't socialize.
But the only advice I can find is advice on fitting in, making friends, and "getting over this *phase*." It's not defeatist for me to say that this is not going to happen.
Trying to fit in and be social actually weakens me, and takes me further from my potential. It causes great suffering for me and for others, and causes physical health problems.
So, is there No Way for an outcast? Is it always poverty and isolation, leading to homelessness and an early death?
I'm very ambitious and somewhat intelligent but I can't get a grip, can't get any opportunities. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to look for, or what perspective to have.
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aspergers
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Posted something similar in a group specific to my antidepressant medication and realized it might be worth sharing here as well, as a big takeaway for me was the DUAL treatment's success.
I first sought treatment for my "messed up executive function" in late 2019 and received a diagnosis of depression and anxiety after finally talking with a doctor (family med) about how I was feeling. I was prescribed Lexapro 20mg. I gave it a fair shot, truly, and patiently waited to feel any kind of relief perhaps even placebo. There was none, and combined with being in an unhealthy relationship, living a stagnant lifestyle, not having a job or car (all certainly contributing factors both *TO* and as a result *OF* my depression) I felt like I was in a spiral of despair. I constantly had intrusive thoughts of guilt over all the ways I felt I was letting loved ones down, reliving stressful situations into hysterics , and I could barely stay awake most days- too tired to do anything then tearing myself down for the "wasted time" spent resting. On top of all this I basically stopped functioning at all, talking myself up to shower once a week (I know) was a monumental task, and weeks would go by in between washing a single dish or doing laundry. It felt like I was just existing, and life was nothing more than *a never ending to-do list that I had no energy or executive function to even start*.
The only joy I experienced was when I would discover a new topic of interest or art medium I wanted to try out and I would research, plan, buy, etc in a glow of inspiration that inevitably always faded after a few hours. Then there I would be with yet another unfinished project as an artifact of my lack of follow-through.
Fast forward through many months of either no change in my depression and anxiety, or feeling worse. I gave up on Lexapro and did not take anything for a while, before deciding to try meeting with a different doctor (again a family medicine doctor). She noted the extreme fatigue and suggested an SNRI like Effexor because of the extra norepinephrine "boost." I began with 37.5mg and progressed to 75mg which I now take each morning. I noted that it takes 6wks or so to be effective, and tried not to get too scared by the horror stories. I can't say that I woke up one day and felt my depression to be "cured," but the intrusive thoughts of guilt are not there, when something happens that would normally derail my whole day...I am able to "bounce back" after a short time, or tune into my own expectations and get ahold of them. In general, I just feel so much more in control. I'm still my sensitive self, my emotions are still here, but they don't get the best of me. I don't cry each morning anymore, or each night. If I'm running late to work, I don't go into a frenzy of tears and stress. I know that I'm not a disappointment, and I've gotten better at policing my thoughts and self talk to reflect this knowledge.
The few remaining symptoms, fatigue and daily task paralysis (minor and major), I ultimately was able to work with my doctor to attribute to ADHD rather than Anxiety. Treating, really treating, my depression with Effexor first is what allowed me to isolate these symptoms and ultimately get a correct and complete diagnosis of Depression and ADHD (Inattentive type). I then began taking Adderall XR 20mg, eventually adding in Ritalin 5mg in the afternoon so I didn't "crash" as hard in the evening. The combined treatment of my depression and ADHD, and the profound difference in my quality of life as a result, is something I can't put into words no matter how hard I try. What was once a mess of despair, guilt, stagnation, is now someone who I'm proud of.
Within 3 months of getting control over my mental health I left the unhealthy relationship, got not one but two jobs (doing what I love-working with plants), and started grad school. I'm still a lazy bum, like to lay around in my free time, don't read as much as I like or eat exceptionally healthy but I feel like I have the same toolkit that everyone else has for life now.
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ADHD
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21F
The moaning, the sound of hitting, the music, the aggressiveness, the bodies, the control over women, i can't explain it but it makes me feel like I'm dying!!! This is the BIGGEST trigger I've ever ever had you have no idea how bad it is, even just seeing porn ads on a streaming website sends me into a manic breakdown. Hearing anything that sounds like porn makes me scream because i genuinely feel like im dying i can't ever accurately convey the severe extreme distress. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME I DONT WANT TO BE ALIVE. My former partner sexually assaulted me and i was exposed to porn accidentally as an innocent child. My past partner knew porn made me feel bad but it wasn't as bad until he started purposely playing it loudly in front of me when he was mad at me as punishment (yes he is abusive it's a whole other thing). Hearing that music start in my head i instantly want to bash my fucking skull into a concrete wall!! AND THEN WHEN THE MOANS START PLEASE PLEASE KILL ME I can't find any support, this doesn't exist, I'm fucked up!! I want to die please why why why i can't stop crying why
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ptsd
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Hi everyone,
I am fairly certain that I have ADHD and now waiting for a diagnosis which will I'm sure will eventuate in May next year. I have been going through trauma therapy due to many aspects of my life and the idea of my chronic dissociation which seems to be the root of my inattention and ADHD symptoms are far more pronounced. From self analysis, I have teased out the multiple components of my personality and now come to realise that I fit the criteria of ADHD very well despite overlapping of other disorders that I have but now are in remission. I am very eager to continue my masters degree although, since I am not medicated, I am rather struggling with it. Can anyone who has done a postgraduate degree with ADHD please share their stories and let me know how much their medication had helped?
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ADHD
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I’m going to talk to my doc about this but wanted to see if other people have had my experience.
I started Ritalin IR in August. It works super well for me. I drink over a gallon of water per day and get good sleep.
But since I started the meds, I’ve started experiencing recurrent corneal erosions once every two weeks in both eyes. I use eye drops constantly everyday and use eye ointment before bed. Still happens like clockwork.
Just had a dentist appt today. Last time, no spots of concern on my teeth. Today, I found out I have six cavities. I have only ever had one cavity long before this. I have excellent oral care habits. I haven’t changed my diet in the last 4 months. My dentist was stumped.
Has anyone else experienced these? I feel like the timing is way too coincidental and I wonder if it’s due to the adhd meds. If it is, I’m torn because the meds are helping but I am tired of my eyes being in pain every two weeks and I don’t want a constant stream of cavities every 6 months.
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ADHD
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I have never been much of a cryer, but after having harm ocd for a bit over a week; I’ve started crying so much. Crying at sad things, crying because my family loves me, crying at movies, etc.
Is this normal?
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OCD
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Content warning: sexual assault
I truly don't have many friends. I tend to attract toxic friends who never make time for me. So I really struggle with loneliness. I live alone and I only see my girlfriend on the weekends. So when I'm alone a lot my mind likes to fuck with me.
I'm f22 and I've been assaulted 4 times. Let's let that sink in. Fucking 4 times. I honestly hate my life so much. I do. The most recent experience has me really messed up.
I was at a bar with my friend and we were having a lot of fun. She drank a little more than I did, but I was just over tipsy and not "drunk".
This guy befriended me and my friend. Because of my experience with sexual assault, I don't talk to men at all. They scare the shit out of me. But this guy seemed different. He was so nice and seemed like he just wanted friends. My friend and I both told him we are in relationships, and he didn't care. He still wanted to hang.
We hung out for hours at the bar until closing. Once the bar closed, he thanked us for a good time and wanted to make sure we got home safe. He ended up offering us a ride home. I would literally never let anyone drive me home who has been drinking, but we were with him for hours and didn't see him with a drink once. So we took the ride.
Once we got to his car, everything changed. He starting sexualizing my friend and I. Compliments on compliments about our bodies. Asking who had bigger boobs. That he would fuck us in a heart beat. He would love to fuck us together. He said he hadn't had sex in months. He wanted us to hit him up if we were single. He continued with the disgusting comments.
He also had a hunting rifle in the car, so I was terrified to upset him. I didn't know what other weapons he may have. I kept asking him to just drive us home. The doors were locked so my friend and I couldn't make a run for it. I just kept begging him to drive us home while playing along with him so he wouldn't get upset.
Eventually he turned back (I was in the back seat and my friend was in the passenger seat) and let me know my top had fallen a bit. I didn't think much of it because he was so protective over my friend and I all night (I know now was a red flag). He kept literally any gross guys away from us.
But then he reached back to fix my top, and ended up pulling my bra off one of my boobs and started massaging my boob and then proceed to play with my nipple to get it hard. He played more once it was hard.
Once he was done, I texted my friend to help her what happened (the friend in the front seat). She then texted me telling me he was tickling her stomach and then reaching down and putting his hand on her vagina.
After he finished with he, I convinced him to drive us home. I am still so haunted by this. Sexual assault has always been hard for me to deal with even in therapy.
I just need a friend. Someone to listen to me.
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ptsd
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What does emotional numbness exactly mean? I can still react in an emotional way I just don’t get THAT FEELING OR RUSH OF THIS HORMONE OR CHEMICAL that comes with it. Let’s say someone pisses me off, I react in angry way but I can’t feel it. I don’t get THIS RUSH. Same with hapiness and sadness. I can cry and laugh but I don’t feel this FEELING THAT COMES WITH IT. Also AT THE GYM I DONT FEEL THE ADRENALINE. IS THat emotional numbness? Or you literally can’t even react in a emotional way
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ptsd
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So last week I started to obsessively think about hurting myself again and it wasn’t until Friday that I finally acted on it. Long story short, I got a bunch of stitches, avoided the psych ward, and went home. The whole time I was in the hospital I was feeling like shit mentally, due to all the shame of relapsing. But the past few days, its not really something I feel remorse for. And I’ve been in a better mood than usual, which is polar opposite to what I had been feeling before. Looking back on it now it kinda feels like a little situation that wasn’t a big deal even though I know it was. It almost seems like something to look back on and laugh about. I hope someone can relate to this...
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OCD
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Is solipssims true?
Aren't we just machines? We seem to think that there is something like "humanity". However, everything is explainable by biology and it is input, brain processing, output. We are like complex preprogrammed robots. Should I knowing that I'm a machine still listen to the feeling of caring for others? Maybe it would benefit me more if I didn't do that: sociopathy by choice. I could also ignore being hurt, because I know it's just a brain signal. But pleasure seems meaningless too then, because that is also just a signal in the mind...
Is there a God? I don't know. Why do people believe without evidence? Seems weird. Just because your upbringing makes you believe, doesn't mean you can't think logical about it.
We all want happiness right? Why not have some device that constantly gives us happiness hormones/drugs? Or at least gives us more happiness when suffering. Then suffering wouldn't be suffering, because we would still feel happy/happier during it. Working hard in a bad job? No problem, you feel happy enough so you can do it. Relative died? , you miss them rationally, because you think about all the things you did together, but the device regulates it enough that you don't have to be hurt by it.
Where are we going after death? If we look scientifically, we are sort of machines that stop working when they die, so I'd say nowhere. But maybe this is just all an illusion and maybe life is a test on the road to somewhere else.
I don't really have the answers to all these questions that popup. I wish there was a God I could talk to, then he could explain it to me.
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aspergers
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Hi, I really need to vent about some of the things happening right now in my life so I'm sorry if this seems like a lot or too little, or just not important but it's important to me.
I have persistent depressive disorder, I was diagnosed in 2020. I don't know how to deal with all of this in my life. I lost my mom last year in May 2020 to cancer, ever since then it's been horrible. I wish she was still here and I was able to spend more time with her. I live at home with my dad still at home, I'm 22 and I feel like I'm going nowhere in life. I keep failing college courses, nothing is working for me. I just got diagnosed with adhd as well and i still don't know how to cope with it or how to overcome it. my dad just tells me to work harder, push myself, be better. He's always like you need to graduate college soon so I can retire. I started in 2017 and I'm still here like a loser. I just feel like a failure. I feel like a burden to everyone i love. I can't keep going through the motions. Nothing is helping me. I don't know how to cope.
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depression
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If you don't have something supportive to say, don't respond here or you can start your own thread about how much you do want to suck dicks.
I am feeling really enraged after therapy today. When I said today in therapy that most women don't like giving blow jobs, and I am not doing it and I don't care if that means I am alone for the rest of my life, my liberal male therapist said that in all his life experience and research he has never heard that and most of the women he has known do. Seriously wtf??? I realize that there are women out there who *like* doing it and others that just say they do. I have never met one in real life, but I acknowledge they exist. Everyone I know hates it, avoids it when possible, suffers through it, complains about gagging, etc. They do it because men expect it. I have no idea if they tell their men they don't like doing it, but they don't like doing it.
I feel so angry about it. And also angry at my therapist.
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ptsd
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1am in the morning. it's been a month or two since i have seen anyone. i have stepped outside my house to take out the garbage. that's it.
the potential i have when i'm even 50% functional is amazing. sadly, the amount of time in my life where that exists is minimal.
47 and i feel 100.
it's hard to wake up in the morning.
i'm tired and sad and don't want to exist.
time is slipping away.
i can't turn my brain around no matter what i do. i'm so tired of the tears. so tired of the struggle to do anything.
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depression
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That's pretty much it. I started with 10mg on november 2020 and it was life saving but now...it's just...harder and harder by the week. I can't focus anymore. I feel more attentive, but the 100 thoughts are at it again and I can't concentrate for long. It's making me so sad.
Ps: I can't go back to my doctor now because of my financial situation.
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ADHD
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Does anyone else always bring their confidence and happiness down by reminding themselves they could have done better. I do this every day. I keep thinking about past mistakes and things I could have only known in retrospect. I keep thinking how if I did things differently I could have been in a much better place. Even though I know this now I didn't know it then and it bothers me how blind I was. It feels like I'm looking back on a past of wasted time and opportunities.
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depression
|
She is trans as am I. She is Autistic and I have ADHD. She really doesn’t seem like she takes me or my opinions seriously. She always acts like her opinions are the only true opinions and that anything else is wrong. She loves Milton Friedman while I think he was horrible. She doesn’t believe in ADHD and thinks it’s just a common personality type and that they want to sell people drugs and falsely diagnose autistic people and sell them drugs too.
She got diagnosed with ADHD before she got diagnosed with Autism and to me it seems like she thinks that means she doesn’t have ADHD. I think she’s comorbid and doesn’t want to accept it. I’m pretty sure I don’t just have ADHD but I don’t necessarily think it’s Autism I think it’s probably something else. Though that wouldn’t mean my ADHD diagnosis is invalid. No medical professional told her such she just assumed that on her own.
I became friends with her because I could relate to her because she is trans too and we both have similar hobbies. She said she didn’t like my info dumping because my conversations took up too much time and she had stuff to do at school. This was at the end of the last school year and it really did make me sad. She just stopped talking to me altogether and said wait till she texts me. It was about maybe a month and a half before she texts me again.
I felt scared to talk to her and I have been that way for a while. I am trying to mend our friendship but she just stopped talking to me with no response or answers at all. I can see she’s active but she just won’t respond. She’s the only other trans woman I’m friends with. Should I just end it here?
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ADHD
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Basically my biggest trigger are months. So half of the year I'm going through triggers, disassociation, and a depressive state that lasts from late November to early May and now I'm in that gray area. I'm currently kinda happy and confused with how determined I am for this upcoming school year.
Background info: my traumatic experience happened 2017 and I started my freshman year last year. My freshman year was an absolute DISASTER because I was in the early stages of getting help as it progressively got worse. I was a very good student with very good marks and now I'm barely passing.
I'm really glad to have gotten better to the point of being on my own without any professional help, but I'm really scared. Am I only better because it's the gray area? I'm scared I'll go back to my traumatized self, unfocused, unable to be in the present, and being self destructive. I want to finish the rest of my 3 years with a bang and not let that monster decide my future for me, but I'm scared that I'll be unable to do it.
I managed to go through April calmly, but that was a while ago. What if I end up barely passing high school and unable to go to the college I want? I'm very excited for this new year, but I'm very scared nothing will change.
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ptsd
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For some reason this popped into my mind today. I was very introspective around lunch time and it got me thinking how much my personality has changed from when I was a kid. I have been told that when I was a kid, I was a really outgoing, determined and disagreeable. The kind of kid that wouldn't hesitate to speak my mind or go for what I wanted. However this changed as I got older. As teen and young adult (I'm 22 right now), I became really sensitive, insecure and agreeable. I was still pretty outgoing as a teen but I became less confident as time went on, and it became harder for me speak my mind and stand up for myself. Has anybody else experienced this shift in their personality? If so what do you think causes this?
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ADHD
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Couple of days ago I made my first post here (check it if you want for more content). And after carefull thinking, I decided to share my situation and doubts with one of my friends who is a pre-school teacher. Figured, "well, she must have a certain amount of knowledge, she could definetly tell me more, or at least discuss it a bit".
I told her about my feelings, compared it to how she would process similar situation (like a NT would) and then told her how I would react, she listened and said
"Ok, what do you think it is?"
I said "Well,don't know if you heard about it but according to test results and such, I believe it's aspergers."
"What is that exactly?"
And I avoided it with all my being, but I said "Well, it's a syndrome on autism spectrum."
She literally burst out laughing and said: "Oh, no, you don't have autism, I \*know how people with autism look\*
I didn't have strenght to explain myself further. I just fake smiled and said "Yeah, probably I don't"
It was surreal for me. I basically got mocked. It would be better if I just took my secret to the grave with me.
Edit - guys, thank you all so much for kind, supportive words for sharing your expiriences and for giving me advices! Its still a learning process to me, but this community is awesome. Lots of love to you all <3
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aspergers
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Every single habit I've had will disappear overnight.
That 150 day streak on Duolingo? Forgot to do it one day and haven't touched the app since
Daily yoga for 3 months? Skipped a day and done yoga maybe four times in four months
Missed cocktail Friday one time? Cocktail Friday no longer exists!
It's so frustrating! I spent weeks, months with healthy habits that make me proud, but as soon as I skip a day aaaaaall of my hard work disappears.
Anyone have this and have any tips on how to actually keep habits?
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ADHD
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So, personally, my OCD seems to spike when I'm stressed and be pretty alright when I'm calmer, an example of this is when I'm being yelled at I will wash my hands more often, longer and aggressively, but when I've been out and have had a good time I am usually able to deal with more stuff than I usually am. My problem arises that, since I'm still living with my family (mother & sister), I feel as if I'm not able to work on my OCD that much, especially as most of the problems with my OCD are home-based chores, such as taking out the bins. Idk, I just feel as if I would be able to work on my OCD pretty well if I lived elsewhere, but it's too stressful/dirty here to do so. Like, when I say dirty, I mean like, dirty by even normal ppl standards--I'm talking flies everywhere, chickens wandering into the house and shitting everywhere downstairs, not to mention family just generally doesn't really follow decent hygiene. And, it's stressful because family is just generally aggressive. Not to mention most of my OCD problems that arise here is problems caused by other people or things I've been trying to work on but can't because I feel too stressed/pressured to do so. Like, as far as my OCD goes, when I'm not at home I am able to do a lot of things I never used to be able to do. Personally, I'm just waiting until I'm able to move out and then I feel as if I would be able to work on my OCD pretty fairly. Not to mention my family always makes me feel terrible because I don't want to do certain chores or touch certain things, especially when they ask me to do after I had just had a shower, which makes it even harder to even try to work on my OCD.
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OCD
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I’ve been stricken with some mysterious illness for some unknown amount of time. Initially, thought it was a sinus infection alongside GERD, then the brain fog started, and the weight loss… and now my medications aren’t working anymore. And my doctor wants to add more. And despite the fact I’ve dropped from 135lbs to 110lbs, my lymph nodes have been swollen for months, I have a progressing upper respiratory infection…. my doctor asked, ”Have you seen a psychiatrist?”
No, actually. Because that is so fucking expensive. And now I haven’t worked in two months thanks to this illness (except Black Friday, when I left coughing up blood).
None of my friends talk to me anymore. Two were my roommates I’d known since elementary school, they haven’t spoken to me since March. My other two friends - who I’ve known for just as long, and I thought I was closer to - haven’t spoken to me in a few months, even when I offered to buy food, or tickets to a show. I don’t talk to my parents. I don’t talk to my brother. Wtf is wrong with me? Why does no one seem to care? Even when I messaged our dead group chat, “I feel like if I died, nobody’s life would change.” The only response I got was a thumbs down reaction. Did I just do that for attention? Or am I asking for help? And nobody wanted to.
I had a nightmare the other day that I was called in to work, but I was too sick, except they threatened to fire me if I didn’t come in (despite being on leave of absence). That isn’t normal, is it? Is it?
I’ve been thinking lately that I really just want to die. That I want to kill myself. It’s all I can think about, sometimes. My last paycheck was fucked up, only $300. I forgot to put paid time off in at work, although I thought I had. I missed my car payment, my phone bill, my internet bill, all my credit cards. It’s insane how much can fall apart so quickly.
But like I said to my therapist, and like he said back to me: the fear of dying is worse than the pain of living. But I said that a month ago and I’ve only gotten worse. My partner is an absolute saint for continuing to put up with me and care for me. I’m so thankful I at least have one person left.
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depression
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DAE wish that they were born without an attraction to either sex? I have come to find that my attraction to people I know I could never be with has just resulted in me feeling more miserable and depressed, especially in my workplace where there are a lot of girls who are attractive, but every guy is more attractive than me. I recently got rated a 3.5 out of 10 on r/truerateme and I now understand with my subpar looks, inability to connect emotionally with women, and other issues due to my genetics, that I believe I will live my life alone. I just wish I did not have to reminded everyday when I go to work everyday, and hear the attractive people discussing their sex lives.
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aspergers
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My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to being sexually assaulted when she was a kid. Even though it’s now almost 20 years later she is easily triggered by girls who wear short shorts, sex scenes in movies, basically anything sexual. These triggers have also caused her a lot of aggression and rage. Has anyone else experienced this? Also how can I best support my girlfriend when a trigger occurs?
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ptsd
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I absolutely hate my job. It is soul destroying and has caused my already fragile mental health to go from bad to worse. I’m a women who was SA and being in an environment full of men where I get harassed on an almost daily basis really isn’t doing me any favours. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore as it’s making me feel worse and worse everyday and my doctor has had to put me on medication and I’m already in therapy. I also had a breakdown in work last week and was sent home for the rest of the week. I tried to come back this week with a positive attitude but I just simply cannot do it anymore. I genuinely feel like the only way to protect my health is to just up and leave but I really cannot afford to do that as I have no savings and I’m already in debt. I feel like crying writing this because I’m slowly realising there is really no way out :( I just feel like I can’t afford to keep suffering before finding another job. Any suggestions or advice are welcome please.
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depression
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I think I’m depressed. I have diagnosed depression. But I fail to remember that. I feel so empty right now. I’m starting to worry I have a personality disorder like Narcissist personality. I feel so empty. Like a shell. All I can do is act. I have no voice. I just feel like I’m quiet. And the emotions that do come out don’t even feel real. They just feel like pity. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I just feel empty. I don’t want to trigger anyone but I truly feel like I’m alone. I can’t tell my parents or family. I have like I’m just pure melo drama. No one wants to be around someone who’s just taking about their emptiness.
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depression
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Using nsfw acct bc i might as well double up on the embarrassment (also on mobile).
I don’t even know if this is an adhd thing but between that and depression it def is not helping. I really hope someone reads this and understands what I’m saying.
I was talking with some trusted friends about limerence and love and all that and all I could think about was my ex. We broke up because I was in such a dark place I was just a dissociated shell. We both agreed that I needed space to work on myself and we left on good terms. But now whenever I’m especially upset I can only think about how much they must have loved me to stay with me for that long. I know it’ll pass bc that’s how adhd brains work but right now all I want to do is hug her and tell her thank you.
It’s been over a year but I’m still in a shitty place (treatment resistant everything). I know I need that support in my life but how can I expect that from someone new if all I can think about is my ex? It’s not fair to anyone involved and romantically we’ve both moved on but between my episodes and not remembering any good things in between them I just can’t move on when I feel like this.
I’m fighting the urge to reach out and talk to them even though I know they’d understand. I don’t think anything good can come of it bc I’ll just want to be with them again. What do you do if the only things you remember are how loved you were and how you can’t have that right now? It sounds pathetic as hell but I need someone to live through or else I just fall back onto past habits and past people. I don’t even know where to start talking about this with my therapist. I just want to show my ex that even though my life is shit it still exists because of them and there’s nothing in the world that can even begin to pay that back.
If anyone reads this and can make sense of it please tell me what you would do in my situation. Happy to elaborate more bc I definitely forgot stuff between the start of this post and the end.
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ADHD
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I've just been thinking and I wasn't always like this, I do have people in my family that have mental problems but I never thought it would happen to me.
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OCD
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Does anyone else run a certain scenario through their head so many times (either hypothetical or realistic) that when it comes to make a decision they so absolutely nothing?
Here i'll go first. If i'm anticipating a phone call I go through all the possible ways it can go in my head (line-by-line) by the time the actual phone call happens I'm exhausted and it ends up being dry as hell 😂.
Drop your scenarios below
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OCD
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Finally I’ll be moving out of my parents house (since college) and becoming more independent.
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aspergers
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I'm working through some trauma and when I was really little both my parents' style of parenting was to have hair trigger tempers and erupt in fury over anything and everything, screaming in my face, stomping their feet, just acting like totally unhinged wild animals. They related to each other by having ugly arguments and screaming matches that would devolve into hysterical raging back and forth.
I remember at some point it all started to overwhelm me and I started having a response where all my muscles would seize up, I would be unable to breathe, would lose my balance and fall over. That was the worst of it, I would also have reactions where I would sputter and shake and make random noises, all beyond my control.
My dad told me a few times I had PTSD, hypertension and severe anxiety from what I went through, but more recently I learned I was actually never diagnosed or treated, he just figured that's what I had and he and my mom never sought help or treatment for me, they just tried to sweep it under the rug and pretend it wasn't happening.
Is my dad's totally unqualified diagnosis accurate, or should I look into other disorders while trying to understand myself? Thanks.
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ptsd
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Do you guys ever have a dream that either:
\- Includes a reference to your intrusive thoughts
\- Includes a trigger for one of your obsessions
\- Or something like that
​
and then wake up and its just AHHHHHHH
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OCD
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I'm the oldest of 3, all 3 of us are boys, and I love them so much. They are the only reason why I'm still alive... for now.
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depression
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So, trying to make a long story shorter, there was this guy I have known through mutual friends. He's been a friend of a friend in my group for years. We didn't know each other super well, but I always thought he was smart, found him attractive and really enjoyed talking with him. He would share with me some of his interests, which I found really cool/interesting, and I pretended to have more knowledge of/interest in the subject than I did at the time. I also embellished some stories that were relevant to our conversations -dumb I know, but I guess I wanted him to like me. Occasionally I would lurk his posts on social media (we didn't follow each other at the time), like articles, etc and I would read them to learn more and truthfully, discuss with him when I would see him. Over time, the interest has become something I truly am interested in and passionate about and pursue on my own time.
Cut to now, one of my best friends is dating his roommate, so I see him a lot more often. We have gotten closer and started hanging out just us two, I'm pretty sure he is interested in me also. I've started feeling some guilt about whether or not I lied, or if he only likes me because I misrepresented myself when I knew him initially. This particular interest is pretty niche and I probably wouldn't have known about it if not for him.
I have PTSD and obsessive compulsive disorder, and I tend to go in guilt spirals when triggered -especially when I feel connected/people get too close to me. I've started obsessing that I'm a "bad" person and I manipulated him into liking me. I think the guilt is mostly coming from me looking at his social media when we didn't follow each other and using what he posted to find a way to talk more about his interests and connect. Not maliciously of course, and it really has become something I love also. I'm not sure if this scenario is my mind playing tricks on me to tell me that I'm unworthy of being liked, or if I did indeed manipulate to make him like me. And if so, do I need to come clean?
My mental health challenges are usually well managed, but I get especially triggered when it comes to relationships. My therapist is on vacation so I can't process it for a few weeks and I'm having a really hard time. Advice needed :(
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OCD
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Hello, all.
A bit of background; I'm a 38 year old man. I lost my Mom to dementia back in February, and it was a terrible death to say the least. Recently, I've been unable to get the fear of ending up that way myself out of my head.
Recurring panic/anxiety attacks are a big part of it, but last night I was severely shaken up by the fireworks. This has never happened to me before, and I was at a loud metal show earlier in the day with no issues. Trying to figure out "Why?!?" was almost as troubling as what was happening.
I'm not overly familiar with PTSD, but it has been suggested that I might have it. Are firework explosions a common trigger even if the original trauma had nothing to do with explosions?
Please delete if not allowed; I am calling my doctor to setup an appointment to discuss this.
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ptsd
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Tbh I'm not sure if I have ADHD/ADD or not, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in February but reading a lot here resonates with me. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety from my GP however and am currently on 50mg of Sertraline.
The latest thing is that my partner has sent me a 12 minute video to watch that I just can't seem to start and commit to, but I can watch mindless Netflix shows or scroll through socials for a long period of time.
She is now getting a bit annoyed that I don't seem to care or don't want to watch it, and she feels like why even share stuff with me if I don't watch it.
I do want to watch it, I do want to watch everything she sends to me but I just can't physically bring myself to it!
Is this something to do with my anxiety, depression or potential ADHD/ADD or is it just me being a bad partner?
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ADHD
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I’m so tired of being in pain. My meds weren’t making me feel better anymore. I saw something that made me insanely angry and sad tonight and I hurt myself but that didn’t make me feel any better. I’m so fucking tired. I don’t what the fuck is stopping me right now but something is
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depression
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This is cheaper than therapy and I don't want to annoy any of my friends so, I guess it's up to this place to deal with my shit.
I'm exhausted. I'm just completely emotionally drained.
Last year with the pandemic I hoped I would be able to fix my mental health. I took a sabbatical period off before going to college and well... It didn't fix shit. Now that I'm studying, I can barely endure it. Not because I'm lazy, I like my career just that... What's the point?
That's a question I've been having way too much lately. What's the fucking point of waking up? Going to class? Trying to have a good relationship with anyone?
I don't feel anything from any of that anymore. I don't feel happy, sad, angry... Nothing. It's just something that happens.
I don't feel accomplished by turning in assignments, I don't feel genuinely happy from speaking to friends (the few I have left anyway), i don't feel angry for being such a useless piece of shit who's only good for annoying those around him.
I don't even know anymore.
I've never been actually diagnosed with depression. I've never gone to a psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist, nothing. And that's my main fear.
Maybe I'm overreacting. Normal people deal with the bullshit of adult life on a daily basis and they never complain or whine nearly as much as I do. Maybe I'm just a loser who still can't wrap his head around adult life. Maybe I'm just a man child who thinks life can be easy.
Maybe I'm the problem. Am I the problem?
...
Christmas is coming and I love Christmas. It's the only time of the year when I can at least think that I'm happy. Even if the lights get more and more dim, and the problems get bigger and bigger.
I always find myself crying infront of the tree every single year.
If I could just go back to when I was a kid, if my consciousness could've just stopped there... It would've been fine.
I just wanna go back to that. I just want to stop thinking and just, stare at the tree and get lost in the moment.
...
Im sorry to anyone who has to read this shit. I just want to vent up my emotions and feel like I'm not in one void space where nothing I say has any weight. I just want to feel like I exist.
I want to exist.
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depression
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I'm single and live alone. I (like the rest of you) have perpetual problems with clutter. I keep thinking that maybe I should start paying for a house cleaner to do the deep cleaning that I never get around to. For example, I'll spot clean the floor and sweep when needed, but I haven't mopped the floor in over a year. The tchotchkes on shelves get coated in a fine layer of dust. And while the dishes in the kitchen will eventually get done every few days, the counter might not get wiped down for an entire week. (But no matter what, I am NOT fine with filth. If it's outright nasty, it gets cleaned immediately.)
So how do you have someone clean your house without seeming like a complete lazy bum. And how do you handle the clutter? Someone just outright "cleaning" could have disastrous consequences because even though the clutter looks like a disaster, I basically know what is contained in the piles. If it gets moved without me moving it, it won't be pretty.
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ADHD
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I told a new friend about my ptsd diagnosis after they disclosed their ocd diagnosis and they said, “ PTSD means you’ve had something traumatic happen to you, what happened to you? If you don’t mind sharing.” I didn’t care to disclose so I didn’t but every single time I’ve told someone I have PTSD they always ask what my traumatic life event was. Am I crazy or is this kinda wildly inappropriate?? Like why would you want someone to recount the traumatic experience they are still struggling with to this day just as they’re becoming close enough to share pertinent details with. This has happened with like 3 of my friends. Why do they always do this?
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ptsd
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I'd like to drink less alcohol, but it's the best way I've found to calm my mind down enough to relax at the end of the day and fall asleep. Does anyone have alternatives they've found helpful?
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aspergers
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I have pretty whacky ADHD (I’m an absolute mess- disorganized, scatterbrained, forgetful etc), but I’m entering pre-med soon (eek)… I also have hefty sensory issues, which are also concerning… any of you guys have any tips or suggestions for things that could help my aspie ass? Like essentials, general advice, apps, gadgets, etc. Thank you 🙏
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aspergers
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Has anyone ever had like very fast thoughts in their head out of nowhere? Today i was reading smth in reddit and i felt like my brain was reading too fast and i just felt empty minded. My heart was beating a bit fast and then i felt better. Idk if it was an anxiety attack or a partial seizure but i am hoping it’s just an anxiety attack!
P.S: Could this also be an indicator of onset schizophrenia because i’m scared about that too?!
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OCD
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Over the last few years, I‘ve noticed that I’m extremely bad at handling stress of any kind. I work at a large tech company in the Bay Area as a project manager, and my job is kinda hectic and stressful, the only good thing about it is the pay. No matter what coping/organization techniques I use, I feel mentally exhausted by the end of the day, which kinda leads me to having poor eating habits, lack of energy or motivation to work out, etc. I kinda feel trapped in this cycle. I wonder if I should just accept that this is not the kind of life I want to lead and move to a more relaxed job at a mediocre company with lower pay.
Has anyone here done it? Do you regret doing it?
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ADHD
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I think I'm starting to become afraid of sleeping due to the recent nightmares I've been having.
The nightmares are about the physical abuse I suffered as a child and always are usually the same. My abuser grabs my my neck, I freak out, and then I wake up screaming and throwing punches into my bed or in the air. They always seem so real too, like I can feel the pressure on my neck and it just sends me in a such a panic I freeze for a moment in my nightmares.I froze in one of them after the person grabbed my neck and started to squeeze. I just froze completely until I snapped out of it and instantly started clawing at their arms, throwing punches, and screaming until woke up.
After waking up I just sat in my bed panting, sweating, shaking, and just terrified. I haven't had a good nights rest for a while now and just been pumping energy drinks into my body, I feel like I'm back in art school again. I just feel so exhausted and my body feels heavy, it just wants to relax and finally get some rest.
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ptsd
|
Hi there!
So a few months ago, I got on really well with a colleague and I got a major friendship crush. For some reason I back then I had a compulsion to make my Instagram private so they couldn't see my private life because for some reason I thought it would affect the friendship... It was only private for an hour before I snapped out of it and realised there's no need for that. This colleague now knows I have a girlfriend and our friendship is still the same so it was just a compulsive silly mistake!
Should I tell my girlfriend of this mistake of making my Instagram private?
Thanks!
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OCD
|
I am 52(M) and have felt like I have had ADHD most of my adult life. In the last few months I have started to look into ADHD and the associated traits, behaviors or conditions that are associated with the diagnosis.
I started to read about ADHD because of some feelings I was having that were associated with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) in a new relationship. After I started to learn about both RSD and ADHD a lot of things started to be a lot clearer to me about my life and why I do things the way I do as well as why I feel the way I do about myself. Every article I read was speaking to me and things were making sense.
Since mental healthcare is at such a premium these days I decided to try a online psychiatry appointment through my insurance instead of waiting months to see someone in person. With no expectation or previous experience I went into the appointment with a very positive attitude as I truly want to get help.
Wow, what a disappointment. I made the appointment with the information that I felt I have some ADHD tendencies and from her first words I didn't feel like this person was hearing me or really cared what I was even saying. I explained to her what I was going through and how I was feeling. These are classic ADHD symptoms that everyone reads on this sub.
Lacks attention to detail (I do the absolute least amount possible)
Don't listen when people are talking to me
Forgetfulness
Organizing tasks
Easily distracted and the list goes on....
After about 20 minutes she tells me I don't have ADHD and I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I really didn't know what that was when she told me. What she did do is not acknowledge 80% of the things I told her I was feeling or going through and she focused on one thing (me being hard on myself-low self-esteem) and started to use the term "emptiness". I told her I felt like I wasn't living up to my own expectations and am very hard on myself. She kept questioning me on self harm, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts even though I told her I have never had feelings of suicide, self harm and I maybe have one drink socially every 1-3 months. These are all BPD issues and I am not involved or have any of these feelings or issues.
So my appointment was over 25 minutes into my 45 minute time allotment with me feeling like I was not heard and was diagnosed withing the first few minutes.
I have since read a lot on Borderline Personality Disorder and have taken at least a dozen different online assessments. I understand that these online tests are not something to rely on for a diagnosis but I have scored either a "low possibility" or "you don't have" for BPD. I have taken well over a dozen ADHD test and all of them have shown I have a high probability.
I feel like I should reach out to another provider as I don't feel I was a good match with this one. It is very frustrating.
TL;DR
Had an online psychiatry appointment for ADHD and was told I have Borderline Personality Disorder even though I am not having feelings or actions associated with BPD.
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ADHD
|
My life up until now has been a complete waste. Through middle and high school, I was a poor student, due to sheer laziness, and my social life was lacking. I’ve graduated from school 2-1/2 years ago and have felt lost since then. I don’t even have my driver’s license yet. Currently, I work at a home improvement store, but I don’t plan for it to be a long term career.
My future plans are uncertain. In terms of career, I’ve been thinking about being an entertainer of some kind, maybe a storyteller, but I have my doubts. I want to write a story, but I don’t write much, and I haven’t read a book since school. I feel like if I pursued that, I would suffer from a massive case of imposter syndrome. If not entertainment, I don’t know what else I would do. I’ve considered work like engineering, software development, accounting, or some sort of medical tech, but I’m intimidated by the schooling; I don’t know if I could push myself to be a better student than I had been.
In terms of relationships, my family life is weak. I’m distant, and I get angry at my parents easily and snap at them. Sometimes, I think ill of them. I fear one day I will be disowned due to my religious beliefs, and that probably has something to do with my attitude. I haven’t had a friend in a long time, and I question whether I ever had one at all sometimes. Throughout school, my peers have seldom invited me anywhere. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve been invited out, and one of them was purely out of pity. In those times, when the summer break came, I found myself alone in my room everyday. After graduation, I was alone for 2 years, granted one of those years was during the height of Covid, but it has to say something that my life then hasn’t changed remotely from the previous year.
I am incredibly insecure in multiple ways. I wish I was intelligent, strong, and admirable. I think I’m losing hope in living a good life. I wish I could start over and give myself a good foundation for my life. Sometimes I wish I was just a different person altogether. I want to apply myself, but I’m too lazy to actually do so. I’m like a baby who needs their hand held.
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depression
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I am weird guys. I mean I keep repeating the same thought for hours or even 1 or 2 days sometimes. Sometimes I read a line 3 or 4 times even I (almost) understood it for the first time. Even I get something while studying, I will keep questioning it again and again which will eventually make it confusing rather than helping.
Is this OCD? If it's not then can u help me figure this out?
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OCD
|
I have trauma therapy in 5 min and really dont want to go.. i have had trauma therapy for 3 years now and havent resolved a single trauma. It feels pointless and i feel worthless.
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ptsd
|
i’m in 10th grade and i’ve been struggling with pretty severe depression since around 6-7th grade, and i’ve also had anxiety for basically my entire life. recently i’ve been trying to get treatment for my intense joint pain which might be fibromyalgia, but because of covid medical treatment is 1000x slower and i can’t get any pain relief. the illness has made my mental health plummet and i’ve been suicidal for months. i’ve started to self harm a few months ago. i’m about to take a bottle of extra strength tylenol just to see what would happen. and to have an excuse to not do my schoolwork and to have people pity me. i don’t care if it hurts, im already already in constant pain. im not sure if i’ll be sent to a psych ward, and i really don’t want to go to one. but i don’t have anyone to talk to about this. please.
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depression
|
My human responsibility is medically complex due to an inherited genetic condition so they are already a part of the Early-On system in my state (US citizens). Their condition required significant medical intervention from birth through ~9 months with frequent medical appointments and surgeries for ‘routine maintenance’ for life.
I was diagnosed Aspergers/ADHD in my mid 20’s (now in my early 30’s).
Their Early-On coordinators and therapists have sent me off... and I am a solo parent (with only but significantly appreciated financial help from the paternal side) so I have no one to run this through with.
I had to wait almost a week to respond because I’m so de-regulated, and still am! I just had this interaction and am feeling like I need reassurance.
Is there anyone else who has experience with having to convince people that aren’t in the capacity to diagnose that their assessment of the child is wrong? It seems they are attempting to down play who my human actually is… why? Why would people do this?
I’m feeling like I’m going to just completely pull the child from EO. at the end of this year as their birthday changes the scope of assistance anyway.
This is the text exchange I had with the teacher coordinator:
Coordinator: “I was wondering if you would feel comfortable with me adding this to the parent input section of the request for re evaluation update page. If it looks good or if you want to add more let me know… I can add it and just send to you for an electronic signature. Here is what I was thinking….
“________ is the coolest human being mom has ever met. _______ and mom are a team. She has typical emotional growth spurts and mom is good at talking her through and learning more techniques to support her. It is getting harder with transitions. Actual interactions with peers is almost nonexistent due to Covid and hospitalizations. ______ is cautious with new people and looks to mom for reassurance. _______ has a feeding tube and health concerns that prevent her from being able to participate in preschool type settings right now. _______ has a diagnosis of ________ Syndrome and mild hearing loss. “
What do you think?”
This is my response:
“Hi _______! We are finally feeling mended and I can give the mental capacity to this,
Being in contact with her neuropsychologist and sending her pages and pages of notes, her emotional dis-regulation isn’t in the same scope as, “typical emotional growth spurts.” Her transitions aren’t getting harder, they have always been incredibly difficult and continue to increase in difficulty depending on the situation and audience. She’s also always willing to perform when asked but shows significant neurological and emotional deficits after those ‘performances’ where recuperation from life is necessary. And her interactions with peers aren’t non-existent due to hospitalizations and COVID, they have been attempted and encouraged significantly for the past 18 months and have not ‘progressed.’ She chooses to observe intently instead of interact and I support that choice, while maintaining open communication about societally expected social interactions while always respecting her own boundaries first.
But other than those things it’s great. 😁💜💛
Also, it’s a choice and belief on my part that she is not socially or emotionally ready for a school setting, even if they are capable of handling her medical complexity. It is also acknowledged that she will not miraculously become socially competent by throwing her into a school setting, even with acclimation or a chosen schedule. It is a parental choice that has been supported and encouraged by _______’s medical team.
|
aspergers
|
Reoccurring nightmares of my childhood abuser.
I’ve never reached out about this. I’ve never really talked to anyone about it, so that’s probably the answer to my question, but please, be kind.
Back when I was a kid, maybe from the age of 5-16/17 i was living with my mother, my at the time step-father, and my 3 siblings. I don’t remember a lot, but I do remember.
I was physically and mentally abused by my stepfather. I can’t remember when it started but I do know it was around that age/time frame.
Just recently, maybe over the last year or two, I’ve been having really vivid, reoccurring nightmares about my abusive stepfather “coming for me” trying to kill me, hurt me. I’m not sure if I’ve had these my entire life, but just recently they have started to get quite traumatic.
Just wanted to see if someone could share some light upon these nightmares.
Thanks.
|
ptsd
|
If I can write this whole article without flinching or feeling any diguasat Man I think I just showed my OCD whose boss. So my toenails were in a pretty bad shape (also cause of my OCD and it's slamming them into things rituals) and I had to have my mom cut them of so I had to put y lags in her lap and be very close to her. Well my OCD doing things OCD's do made me think I am falling in love with her and that we were in some kind of sex pose, and overall not recognizing my fricking mom isn't my crush. The worst thing about these is that my dick impulsively reacts to these, so naïve. But I realize now my OCD lies, nothing bad happens if it gives me sexual thoughts of my mother and I don't do anything cause of it lmao. Hell I even instigated them a bit myself earlier today just to show him I don't give a fuck. This is so good considering in April 2020 I could not go outside or have electronics or think about anything I wanted. Last year it made me think everything is the worst Hell worse then raping my mom, now it can't even make me flinch on the idea of me wanting to fuck my mom and my mom is kind of attractive although not really and she's 51 (honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it was just my OCD making her attractive the dude is know for warping reality, it managed to keep me from going outside for over a year cause it made me connect everything I saw outside to despair and I can't even describe how bad it felt like after it my OCD gave me wet dreams of my mother can honestly say even having thoughts of raping her it would be less horrid then hat my OCD made EVERYTHING seem before, telling ya if Hell is real that's how it feels like)
So yeah my OCD went from being a fucking Empire, to Alabama lmao biggest L ever
And the fact I wrote this whole article proves I beat it
|
OCD
|
I feel like when I know what I am talking about I am really good at articulating myself and can conduct a conversation well. But I often find myself in pockets of pure blankness, I start talking nonsense, gibberish. I have no idea what I am saying but at the same time I can hear how stupid I sound and get so anxious and self critical and I can't save myself for the life of me.
I had a job interview this morning and it was going well until one question - a perfectly simple question just sent me. I went completely blank and starting talking about a story that had no relevance at all I kept blabbing on about nothing. Words don't make sense and I forget how to speak. The interviewers eventually had to take over and help answer it for me. I was so embarrassed. After that I kept falling into the same thing over and over.
The strange looks away from the screen, and the "mmmm"'s that they gave after I spoke. I am so mortified.
I'm pretty sure I blew the job opportunity.
|
ADHD
|
ive been ruminating over the same thoughts for the past 2 weeks ish and it’s been really difficult because i really dont want the thoughts to be true. it’s so hard and i feel helpless. what should i do? there are so many triggers that cause me to spiral into the anxious thinking.
|
OCD
|
My spirit is broken. I have no joy, interests, or motivation. My life is a lie. A fragile one. That crumbled apart no matter how hard I tried to hold on. I don’t want to be here anymore
|
depression
|
Never been able to do this before. So I consider it a milestone. Was smoking pot with some close friends and I got triggered by someone recollecting their own tumultuous childhood. I could feel my muscles reacting and shifting. I started to notice my muscles and how they are tightened/relaxed sort of informs my mind about how I feel. It creates a sort of feedback loop where how exactly your muscles are configured informs your mind on how you feel - thus an initial fear will make you tighten up and then your noticing how tightened up you are makes you more afraid.
I then started to get a very vivid image of my childhood dog. I could have told you how sunny and windy it was on that day. I remember telling my friends "I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex of memory." I then realized the precarious situation I was in - it's happening. My eyes began to well up and I then told my friend talk to me about anything just start talking to me. He began discussing DotA 2 strategies and I engaged him on the subject while trying tapping exercises my therapist taught me. I could literally feel myself fighting my own instincts and was struggling so hard. It almost felt like the physical strain of a hard workout but with my own psychology somehow. Not easy to describe! But at some point I realized I had successfully reversed a flashback!
I then got really excited over my accomplishment that I got sort of manic so I had to begin doing relaxation techniques following this to regulate myself. After about an hour I was back to my normal self! I really couldn't have done this without the help of my therapist, Tom. Just thought I would share this with you guys so you know it's possible. I've lived with this for decades so I know just how hard this can be. Trust yourself and get help if possible. Good luck and I hope you all find peace!
|
ptsd
|
I was in a car accident like 2 years ago. It was after the verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. But today I had flashbacks to the car accident. I flipped the car 3 times. I can feel being in the air, being upside down, the jolt from smashing into a tree. It was snowing and I hit black ice. Today was the first snow of the year. I don't know why I'm getting flashbacks to the wreck. I am schizophrenic and see visuals of car crashes. I'm very scared today. I missed work. How do you cope?
|
ptsd
|
Everyday it's the same sick and lonely repeating cycle, I wake up too lazy to get out of bed, achieve nothing throughout the day, get this bitter feeling of emptiness and loneliness, go back to sleep and wake up just to repeat this cycle over and over again but with each day it gets worse.
And whenever I try to step out of my comfort and leave the house, I have this feeling that all the eyes are focused on me seeing right through me and reading all my insecurities, even happy memories that were the only good thing about my thoughts are now hard to reach to at this point and they just feel like an old dream that I have to really dig in to find.
|
depression
|
do u still remember the day u did your last compulsion?
how was your last compulsion?
did u do the perfect last compulsion or just quit cold turkey?
|
OCD
|
I've been so scared of the dark ever since my PTSD triggering event. Anytime I was in the dark I would try so hard not to get scared, inevitably it would happen and I would sprint to somewhere I could turn on a light. I've been so embarrassed of this fear, I beat myself up over it. Recently I went through some therapy that really helped me. I wasn't scared of the dark for around 4 months. It has been coming back now usually on days when I have more anxiety. I wanted to see how many people share this fear? I was wondering it most people with PTSD are fearful of the dark.
I also wanted to share a little revelation I had about it. The other night when I had irrational fears of the dark in my room, similar to a five year old afraid of what's in the dark closet, I thought about how when I was going to therapy and confronting my difficult emotions and this fear faded away. Now it comes back on days when I am triggered or I feel a difficult emotion but I don't give it any conscious thought and I try to shove it away. I feel like this is partly my inner healer bringing stuff forward to me when there are finally less distractions around. This is of course aside from evolutionary and scientific explanations.
Please excuse my rambling and grammatical errors. Thank you for reading.
|
ptsd
|
My mom always would yell at me as a kid for taking apart her pens, teachers frustrated that I would blurt out the first thing that came to mind. I honestly never connected the dots. I thought I was just a bad kid and it always made me feel guilty. My family has the ‘suck it up you’re fine’ mentality. Finally, however, I booked an appointment after constantly feeling tired, inadequate, and lazy. He diagnosed me with ADHD and honestly I’ve never been so happy to hear bad news. I finally found the root of all my strange behavior that even I didn’t understand! What now? Can anybody offer insight into how you’ve coped and made things a little more normal for yourselves?
|
ADHD
|
[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/qe6az6/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/)
**So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.
|
aspergers
|
I am a street medic, I have medical training from different people who've been kind enough to teach me through-out my life, I feel like helping people in bad situations has always been my calling and so when the BLM protests started happening in my home town I loaded up on medical supplies and went out there. I took time off work and was in the street every day for a week and a half, barely eating anything at home and hardly sleeping because I would be awake all night.
I dont remember how many people I helped out, but I know I blazed through nearly 400$ of gauze, hydrogen peroxide, medical tape and and bleedstop as well as other items. When i go to sleep I often still see the burning buildings and the blood on my hands after holding gauze to someones bleeding head waiting for an ambulance to arrive. I still hear the thunderflashes and I still feel the rubber bullet that hit my helmet when I was helping a guy with a dislocated shoulder.
I had to restrict the emotions I felt during that week and a half because if I didn't I would have been so incredibly scared and so incredibly anxious.
Now its been half a year and buildings are starting to be rebuilt. But I still havent been able to turn back on the emotions I shut out back then. I can hardly bring myself to care or be happy about almost anything, and the happiness I do feel is shallow, skin deep. Its not real.
​
This sucks.
|
ptsd
|
Every moment of my waking day, it seems like my mind always finds something to obsess about. Whether it be from the past or present, my mind is always thinking of something in the background if I can’t keep myself busy enough. It makes me want to only sleep and I’m already taking meds for it. Why OCD, why you gotta be like this??
|
OCD
|
*on mobile, sorry for the format and grammar.
I am a cop, or was a cop, I quit after this incident. Because of how it was handled, but I’m really struggling getting past it. I was almost shot and killed, the guy had me dead to rights and the only reason I’m alive is because he forgot to take the safety off.
He was connected and a friend of the sheriff and wasn’t charged. During the week after the incident I had started developing some fear and anxiety. A week after the incident I was forced to meet the guy, and relive the incident.
They had several meetings with me after the incident trying to tell me that I handled the situation wrong (political bullshit) and forcing me to recount it over and over again.
I explained to them over and over again that I wasn’t in the mental state to talk to them or be in the meeting with the guy, yet I was forced to.
It’s been a month now, and I’m still dreaming about it, having palpitations, random sweats and fast heart rates, and I can’t get the image of him closing his eye and pulling the trigger with the gun pointed at my head, out of my head. I’ve noticed I’m distancing myself from my wife, and I’m constantly on edge.
I quit my job because of how they forced me into unnecessary situations that harmed my mental health and the lack of support offered. (I had another non law enforcement job lined up).
I loved my job as a cop, but I’m scared to death that I’m going to get killed now, and I can’t do anything that reminds me of what happened without having a mini panic attack.
It’s affecting my marriage, and my wellbeing. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I feel weak, and like I should be stronger because of the title that hold/held. Thanks for letting me vent.
Edit: Thanks for the support, I’m going to reach out and try to get help before this really takes hold. I really do appreciate the support. My wife has been supportive, but I’ve still felt alone.
|
ptsd
|
Hi, I was hospitalized for severe OCD 3-4 months ago and was put on anafranil and zyprexa. Zyprexa is notorious for extreme weight gain and I think it actually does severely slow down metabolism, but I’ve mostly been off of it for a the past two months now. Even so, I still very occasionally take a zyprexa during the times where I’m really struggling. I am still on anafranil and have been taking 150 mg every night since getting out of the hospital. It has saved my life, but even though I’ve been eating far less I haven’t lost much weight. Before I was in the hospital, I was on cymbalta and I rarely gained any while eating pretty much the same amount as I do now. It’s been like this for awhile now. Does anyone know if cymbalta slows metabolism? My appetite has gone way down since stopping the zyprexa, so I don’t know specifically what’s causing it.
|
OCD
|
I think my whole psyche and personality has been influenced by ocd maybe even shaped by it.
Now I’m doomed with nowhere to go. The house will collapse. Just waiting for that first card to fall.
|
OCD
|
Hello, I'm a final year medical student with ADHD.
Now this for those who don't have anyone else to hold them accountable for their tasks, doesn't matter if its simple as cleaning your room, exercising, waking up on time to any important project your working or assignments, Important deadlines.
I'll check in with you throughout the day, with constructive criticism and rewards as you finish your tasks :)
Please DM.
|
ADHD
|
I have 2 calls that haunt me this day .
This is Call 1
My station was toned for a CPR in progress on Christmas Eve , I remember personally being excited that we were finally able to go do something because it had been a rather slow day for us . When we got into our truck and said we were en-route at which point dispatch informed us that we were second in for a 34 year old male unconscious not breathing - wife is on the phone with dispatch currently doing cpr . Instantly our crew was a little taken back because it is rather odd for somebody so young to fall into cardiac arrest at that age . So we were last in out of 2 fire apparatuses ( our dept sent 2 fire trucks and a battalion chief for cprs ) and the last emergency vehicle on scene due to a delayed response time because of a construction zone . I was riding tail board ( the position where the firefighter sits behind the drive seat ) and remember riding down the neighborhoods main road seeing a good amount of civilians on the side walk and walking towards our call address ( indicator that they all heard the sirens and wanna see what’s going on ) . When we pull up to the scene - our ladder truck pulls in last behind a straight row of 5 police cars , 2 ambulances , ems Supervisor , our other engine , battalion chief and then us - all parked on the left of the road . On the right hand side adjacent to the house a crowd Of 20 people has formed , when I stepped out the rig and went to grab our medical supplies I remember them looking at me and little kids in the crowd asking their parents if everything was okay and the parents saying “ their firemen they Will always save the day “
When we open the door we see our engine crew was in the middle of the front doors hallway - half way into the 3rd round of compressions and the paramedics had split into 2 teams - one team pushing meds and the other getting ready to switch to the Lucas machine ( a cpr machine that does compressions for us ) . He had went into cardiac arrest right by his Christmas tree - underneath a giant picture of him his wife and 3 kids .
We did everything we could for 30 minutes but finally called it - everything was pretty much going normal at this point . I was packing up our medical supplies when I saw the police officer look at him and walk up stairs ( unknown to me the 5 cops were upstairs with the 3 kids who were 8 , 10 and 13 watching Disney channel to keep their mind off of what’s happening ) . It was that point that police officer told them
That their dad had passed .
Those kids screams are screams I’ll never be able to get out of my head - it was the most gut wrenching , sorrowful and heart broken screams I’ve ever heard . Screaming for their daddy and begging with him to wake up . We left as fast as we could - only to be met by a only larger crowd of people outside and when I was going to put up my med bag a dad and his kids came to me and he looks at me with his kids and goes
“ you saved him right ? See kids firemen can save anybody and anything “ at that point tears rolled down from my face and the dads smile went cold . We went back to the station and usually my very tight crew who cracks jokes about everything - didn’t say one word .
Call 2
We had gotten called to a vehicle entrapment - while we were arriving on scene we noticed a column of smoke popping and that’s when we realized there was a 2 vehicle head on collision , with one in the road way and one upside down on fire in a ditch . I see a crowd of people off in the ditch and can distantly see them panicking and circled up , I walk past them to see 4 little girls and their mom unconscious and not looking to good , within seconds the crowd was screaming the father was still in the vehicle that was completely engulfed . I pulled a line from our engine and put the fire out - they had me crawl back into the ditch to confirm the dad was in the car still and did not get ejected . I was only able to identify him by his finger nail beds - it was the only part of him that wasn’t charcoaled black . At this point the girls and the mom had been transported and we had been tasked with extricating the two fatalities out . This confused me because I only thought there was one fatality. Well in car in the road way the driver did not make it either - I just never got that memo . So my crew was assigned to get the occupant of the vehicle in the road out , I could not see the deceased due to the blood stain air-bag I over him . When we popped the door and pulled him out he automatically went into 2 pieces . The engine block had pushed back into him and had eviscerated him completely cutting him in half . When we layed him down it was at the point I realized it was my close friends brother-in-law . His sister was pregnant and was expecting with in the next 2 weeks .
I deal with so much I can’t explain / I cry when i hear sirens no matter were I am or what mood I am in , a uncontrollable depression and tears hit me for about 10 seconds then disappear . My shrink says it’s a connection in my brain between hearing sirens and hearing the screams . I have built up this guilt , those kids will never have their father or be able to make anymore memories with them. They all saw that red fire truck with all of its lights and sirens and the saw the firemen get out prepared to fight and save anything . But we didn’t. I have night mares now and it’s bothering me . I hope I’m not alone in the first responder community who feels this way .
|
ptsd
|
I had OCD for as long as I can remember but for the past 5 to 6 years its been super difficult for me to function. I started POCD and HOCD theme during that time. I couldnt talk to anyone because where I am from mental health issues are frowned upon. I stopped going to college , I stopped writing my exams. I had a baby during this time . I was having unsafe sex and I didn't even give a fuck and I had to give my baby up for adoption. I so badly want to meet her but these pocd thoughts keep popping up in my head making me sick to my stomach about the fact that I might cause harm to my kid. I finally saw a therapist yesterday and I was diagnosed with OCD and GAD and he gave me just one med nexito. Now I can't stop thinking about the fact that I wasted all this time when my issue was so small a single pill could have solved everything. And I still am wasting my time . I have a zillion back papers to write and I am feeling hopeless and empty.
|
OCD
|
Example; there is some sand that was put the end of my walkway that leads to my house a week ago, and I actively avoided it as to not want to track sand into the house. The sand has been cleaned up since yesterday but yet I am still actively avoiding the area the sand was in even though it is clearly no longer there.
|
aspergers
|
Hi there,
My doctor and I had a conversation over text- he put in ONLY 2 weeks of regular prescriptions, and not my adderall (due yesterday). He asked me to call his office on Monday to schedule a follow up.
What does this mean- if the follow up won’t be a week or two, and I’m going that long without my 20mg XR and 15mg IR prescription?
I’m confused as to why he would do this. Does anyone have any ideas?
|
ADHD
|
okay so ive been having this fear of psychosis for a few months now and im so scared right now bc i know visual disortions is a symptom of psychosis and like 39 minutes ago i saw this yellow spot in my vision and im so scared i have psychosis im freaking out i think im gonna have a panic attack
|
OCD
|
I don’t consider myself awkward really at all. But other people often think I am, and I really don’t know what they think is so weird about me. I’m not self-conscious or insecure at all in social situations until somebody says something along the lines of “you’re awkward, but that’s okay!” it just kind of knocks all the wind out of me. Like, wait, what? And it happens all the time.
I tend to be pretty quiet and I have an offbeat sense of humor, and I kinda struggle with eye contact (due to my PTSD), but that doesn’t automatically mean I’m socially inept like these people seem to think. I have had friends send me articles with titles like “help for people with social anxiety”, I don’t even bloody have social anxiety!
I’m not a social fucking butterfly, but I smile at people, I greet people, I know how to keep a conversation going, I know when to end a conversation, I know when the person I’m talking to is getting bored, I know the time and place for small talk, I’m comfortable with silence, I know how to both listen and contribute, I never ask invasive questions, I’m very polite and considerate, I’m confident, I’m empathetic, I know at least a conversational level about a wide variety of subjects, and I actually have diffused plenty of genuinely awkward situations by being graceful. I seriously don’t understand what people mean.
Maybe I’m overthinking it, but SO MANY people’s characterization of me focuses around me being “awkward”. When I ask people to clarify they give me a non-answer like “It’s not a bad thing, don’t be offended!” ...seems like they’re the socially awkward ones, not me.
The only other thing I can think of is that maybe my physical appearance doesn’t match the way I communicate? I’m 21, and kind of a small, baby-faced lady with big blue eyes but I’m also very direct and a lot more blunt than many women are, and I don’t speak with the “uptalk” or the typical feminine tones that a lot of women do. So maybe that catches people off guard? I’m not sure why I don’t speak in the expected way, but I just never have.
But if that’s not it, well, sure beats the hell out of me!
|
ptsd
|
Hello redditors, I made this account to vent because I am extremely close to breaking down, and I dont know what to do.
Ever since I was a child, I was labeled as a problem kid, usually with a lot of hyperactivity, and focus issues, including impulsivity, yet i never thought much about it, untill these days.
Growing up I lost many friends because of my incapacity to remember important stuff, or because of my sudden impulsivity to say something dumb, I was always the loner kid growing up and struggled to voice myself, and when I got close to someone they would usually distance themselves from me because i was too "weird", I was terrible at school of course, was barely able to graudate highschool.
I suspected i had ADHD when I was 14, but my mother said that it was impossible for me to have ADHD, and my father and family in general didnt know what it was or just laughed at me, saying that "I was just looking for labels" and for a while, i believed them.
When i went to therapy, my psychologist tested me for it, but she never gave me a straight up response, she alwas said that she would like to focus on other things, like my low self esteem, anxiety and other issues, and with the passing of time i was able to trump them, but no matter what, the symptoms are there.
Now that I´m an adult I struggle hard to maintain a job, I make mistakes at work, I recently got fired because I impulsively decided to steal a can of soda (Im not saying ADHD was the cause for it), there was no motive for me to do it, but i did it anyways and paid the price, with that, i struggled to follow instructions, i comonly had issues with my manager for being too distractful and talking over him accidentally.
Now im 20 years old and i dont know what to do, i feel miserable, this is not fun, I dont want to behave like this, I dont want to be impulsive, I dont want to constantly have to check something to see if its written or i did something correctly only to end up making a mistake anyways, I dont want to live like this, I want to be a normal person and fit in with everyone else, but I cant.
I feel like a waste of air, as if my brain and personality just wasnt fit for the society that i grew up in, a mistake that has no fixing, I dont want to suffer anymore, I just want to be happy and connect with other people, but I cant.
I apologize for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language, but i feel trapped, as if i was already condemned from failure from start, and i needed somewhere to vent, thanks for reading.
|
ADHD
|
I've been taking Adderall IR 10mg 2x a day for about 3 months. It's been a bit of a roller coaster figuring out a proper dose, it feels like my body is getting too used to it. In the beginning the generic manufacturer I was getting it from was Northstar, which was alright. It worked really well in the beginning. Then my pharmacy gave me Teva two weeks ago and it really feels like a sugar pill. It does next to nothing for me. One day I took my full 20mgs earlier in the day than usual (dose in AM). I had to take a tox test (for compliance) later at 9:30pm and it actually came back negative, which is under 500 ng/ml. My doctor didn't believe that I took it at all that day. Most recent test I took my second 10mg at 5pm and it came back positive at 1600ng/ml. I think it is leaving my body way too fast. Anyone have a similar experience?
I tried to get name brand Adderall through my insurance but they dont cover it...
|
ADHD
|
It's so weird how just three months ago I could run around no tics In sight, no intrusive thoughts, I could hug and play with children without worrying, I was normal...i miss it so so much all those worries i thought were so big then i just really would trade anything to have them back and give away the ones I have now I'm sick of getting a mini heart attack everytime I see a child outside scared of getting a nasty intrusive thought about them or smacking myself in the head so many times just so I wont see nasty images in my head nomore, it's like my brain is my own enemy now i used to always be in my own head all day everyday fantasizing about my future husband, future family I loved being in my head but now I absolutely dread my brain I feel so sick I feel so wrong and I honestly just want to end it all that literally sounds like a dream to just end it and maybe then I wont accidentally hurt anyone and everyone would be safe from me and my dumb intrusive thoughts I wish life was easier this way of living is hell and I'm scared that one day I would turn evil and my disgusting intrusive thoughts would turn into fantasies and I would actually do them I wanna end me before that day even happens everyday feels like another test I'm tired of wondering if I'm faking my reactions I'm tired of being scared of getting a groinal response I'm tired of the constant fidgeting I wanna be cured I don't wanna accept this I wanna be cured i want all of this to Judy be a memory that I know for sure will stay a memory.
Also how do yall know how to write so well I didn't go to 2nd grade ok don't judge my writting😭
|
OCD
|
So when my current obsession gets too much ill try and tell myself that im actually obsessing over a differene theme i had that i got over so its more easier to see that its fake and i can move on with my day
|
OCD
|
I finally went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and I’m taking now 50mg Ritalin (60mg next week) instead of 40mg. I’m surprised how much this small change helps me and has even solved other problems beside my concentration :) I have been free from depression and suicidal thoughts for 2 weeks now
Hope I can finally concentrate with 60mg while working :)
|
ADHD
|
Yesterday I finally started the process of getting diagnosed. I waited for 1 months to get there. And I am so happy about it! Finally taking this load off of my shoulders, whether I get diagnosed or not.
Yesterday was an interview with doctors asking about my life, my family, why I got to the ADHD conclusion. It was almost two hours long and with my mother (we don't have a good relationship as in her mind I forget things in spite and I am the most selfish person that doesn't even care to help her and doing something around home).
Is it normal I had to face the whole interview with her in the same room? They asked me to describe parents and my personal life (I am 22, I still live with them but I don't share everything and I don't want them to know what's in my mind). I had to keep it low and trying not to lie. Still was pretty uncomfortable. Ofc at some point became my mother dumping shit on me for what we argue for. Luckily one of the doctors said to try and understand my situation better as there is a possibility is not definitely my fault.
Have you faced the same thing? The doctor hinted that next time I will have to do some tests and said something about my mother being there too. I don't know how to handle this and how it is important for her to be there. I don't want to compromise the whole thing, I might just "suffer" for the cause if needed but I wanted to hear more from you.
Also I will wait for a call to book the appointment for the test. My impulsive side ( i am definitely impulsive, doesn't metter if I am disgnosed or not) is just freaking out because I don't have a date!! Urgh hope it is gonna be soon enough
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ADHD
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I have not been officially diagnosed yet (still trying to find a neuropsychologist) but an ADHD diagnosis would make perfect sense as I find it really hard to keep up with tasks involving following up or complex steps and I misplace things often. Of course this happens at work and of course I'm in trouble. I'm trying to write every thing down and trying to keep following up with projects. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. And it surprises me because I'm like I'm sure I wrote that email. I'm sure I set something aside and like a magic trick, poof! It all disappears. I don't even know how to organize my files.
I know you can have ADHD and get fired. I'm almost welcoming that at this point. But I don't know if I can successfully ask for accommodations without an official diagnosis. I don't even know if at this point they will help. I suck at office work and have always done so. What I've always thought was I'd start on the bottom and work my way up to a job where I'm just responsible for my own tasks. I have my own office with a door I can partially close. But maybe even though I'm going for a master's in Higher Education, (I want to help undergrads, especially first gen students) I should look into a job where I take care of animals. I could never forget to feed them or take care of their waste etc. But I don't think i could make any money doing that.
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ADHD
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I thought I was over that terrible beast, I thought I had progressed by gaining enough information about OCD. I thought it was gone. But today ss I slept I had a dream where I thought damn if I hang out with my friend I must be gay and therefore I must avoid him. You see we had planned on getting sushi today and I had to reserve a spot at the restaurant which made me anxious and I guess that triggered my ocd. Anyways, it did impact my day as I changed the sushi restaurant we went to to one that was a normal walk in, but I didn't let it completely stop me from hanging out with him, so I'd call it a win, but at the same time a disappointment. Does ocd ever truly go away or for the rest of my life will it be waiting to pop back up? I need help but it's so hard when I'm not directly feeling it's wrath, but that fearful person is so far away from who I am.
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OCD
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Hey Guys
After some years without any treatment for my ADHD ibe got Focalin today. In my past ive had Ritalin/Adderall, Concerta and Elvanse. I cant go with normal Methylphendidate bc ive got too many Bad Sideeffects.
Are there other People who had Ritalin/Adderall in the past and now have Foaclin? How good is it for you?
Thanks!
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ADHD
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I have struggled with really bad OCD since I was a young teenager. I didn’t realize what was wrong and didn’t go start getting therapy until I was 21. I feel like I am just starting to scratch the surface of my OCD but I am still very overwhelmed. My job causes a lot of stress (both due to environment and some toxic coworkers) and I know that is trigger my OCD more frequently. It’s gotten to the point where I function at around 30% to 50%. When I am at work I can’t focus on my tasks. I thought about taking an unpaid medical leave but I have bills to pay. I am starting to feel really stressed even around my boyfriend and my dog. I feel so overwhelmed that sometimes I have to psych myself into taking my dog for a walk or sometimes I struggle to focus when my boyfriend is talking because the OCD thoughts are taking over. I swing back and forth between wanting affection and wanting to sit on a totally different couch away from my boyfriend. He is starting to be worried about my OCD and wonders how he can make me happier which makes me feel bad because I don’t want to burden him. I am going to try Wellbutrin xl 150 mg starting on Friday to help with the anxiety and depression caused by my OCD but I am nervous about it. I just can’t relax or enjoy any of the activities that I used to enjoy. I am so preoccupied and lost in the repeat fears that cycle through my brain. Does anyone have any suggestions for enjoying life again or being able to focus on others and not just spend all day trying to avoid triggers/feeling completely overwhelmed?
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OCD
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after a rough week of handling it all, i got myself a new plush (: id been waiting for it for a few weeks and hearing the noises and holding it in my hands i managed to crack a genuine smile after such a rough while!
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ptsd
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