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It was out of despair.
PTSD is a drop in the bucket for my
Health issues but obviously complicates it.
I have a case worker through my insurance who regularly tells me stuff like, “you need to learn to suck it up” and “why can’t you be normal?” as though either of those would fix anything.
I spoke to the office of disability rights. I don’t have any further rights to access a case worker. Apparently my right is to be told my condition makes her job too hard to bother.
I feel like being disabled and having a diagnosis should come with access to support but apparently it comes with the right to pay to be called defective. | ptsd |
Massive trigger warning for mentions of r*pe, inc*st, p*dophilia, z**philia.
I just turned 18 in October and I feel like my entire life has been waste. It feels like I'm having a "mid life" crisis. I want to end my life. I feel like I've spent the last 18 years doing nothing but being selfish, lazy, entitled and awful.
I'm not saying I've only ever done awful things, I try my best to be kind to people. But deep down I am selfish and lazy. I care about myself too much.
Ever since I was a kid I moved around a lot due to being in a military family and I've always had trouble making friends so ever since I was young I turned to the internet to make friends. It started out innocent, I had a particular interest in creepypasta and I liked to play pretend, so I'd go online to roleplay websites and talk to people on there. It didn't take long but eventually discovered Erotic Roleplay (keep in mind at this point I'm around 8 years old). I would always lie about my age and post pictures of random emo girls I found on google images. I started lying about my age and pretending I was 18 to have sexual roleplay with strangers online while I was a literal child who shouldn't have understood sex at all. I became interested in the idea of r*pe as well, I played sick games online like a game where you have to take off a little girls clothes and r*pe her while she sleeps without waking her up. I'd talk to older men online pretending I was much older and even go into relationships with them.
Eventually I moved, got a little older. I'm around 11 at this point. I still talked to people online and went on the online roleplay websites but it was more about the people I had met than the roleplay. I developed a relationship with a girl in which I would pressure her into doing sexual roleplays with me, and it wasn't the only time I had done it with her or other people. Eventually we decided it would be best to just be friends, and I developed a relationship with someone else. He was 17 while I was 11-12, but I had lied and said I was 16. We would talk sexually regularly. Eventually I told him I was actually 15 which he was okay with. Then 14, and then 13, and then I finally admitted I was 12. He was okay with it at first but eventually realized how wrong it was. I think he said it was okay because he didn't want me to hurt myself and I was being really manipulative and making it seem as if I might. I pressured him into sending me explicit photos at some point and I sent some of my own as well. I also masturbated to beastiality porn once or twice because for some reason it just didn't really occur to me that it was wrong and weird. It's not like I liked it specifically about it being animals, I think it was just something I found out of curiosity and was more so focused on the pleasure of the person. I looked up a lot of fucked up stuff online too for the shock value like gore and stuff.
I move again. Now I'm about 14-15. I no longer go on the roleplay websites but I tend to make my friends through video games online. I meet a nice guy through an online competitive game, I really like him. Eventually we start dating. While I was 15-17 I had masturbated to some truly disgusting things. My own mother a few times, thinking about my parents walking in on me, I had watched beastiality porn once again (though it was for the same reason, not about the animals specifically. although that obviously doesn't make it okay and not disgusting) I also had a weird cuck fetish and got off to the idea of my boyfriend jerking off to porn and other women and because of this I thought about when my boyfriend was a child and jerked off to porn and I masturbated to that thought. I really don't feel like it had anything to do with him being a child at all that I liked it and it was more about the porn, but it was just me thinking of something he had actually shared with me that I had kind of liked because of the whole cuck thing. But it's still disgusting that I was thinking of him as a child and that I had gotten any sort of sexual gratification from when he told me these things from him being a child obviously. I'm so disgusted with myself for it. Basically the entire time we dated I treated him as a side piece without even realizing what I was doing wrong. I constantly had crushes on people, would talk to other people flirtingly, would fantasize romantically and sexually about other people, everything you could think of that you aren't supposed to do in a relationship. I guess it was a mix of me not taking it seriously because it was a long distance, and having been so used to being in silly little online relationships for so long throughout my childhood. I'd do even small stuff like saving the explicit photos on my phone that I thought looked nice for the next person I dated if we broke up which is obviously just a sad way of thinking in a relationship. I treated him horribly. I was manipulative, even verbally abusive at times. I lied and was unfaithful nearly our entire relationship and somehow I never even realized it. I only just recently came to the realization. I've since struggled a lot with POCD, IOCD (incest), and ZOCD.
My boyfriend came to visit me this past week and for some reason as I was cuddling him it all hit at once. Not to say that I hadn't been realizing what I had been doing wrong. It had been slowly building up for a few months that I had started to realize all the awful things I had done. But it really really hit hard now. I started freaking out and sobbing and rocking back and fourth. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was think about how I had wasted the last 18 years being a disgusting person, and I had wasted the last 4 years of my boyfriends life treating him absolutely horribly. I look back on some of the things I've done and said, not to my boyfriend but just in general and I am genuinely disgusted with myself. I don't know what to do. | OCD |
Today I went to my regular cafe for breakfast, and they were busier than usual, so I had to wait a bit longer for my breakfast, plus I was still a bit tired having come off 7 late finishes at work (0155).
And when my breakfast arrived it was all wrong, the items were correct (avocado, tofu scramble, toast, tomato’s, silver beet) but they were in the wrong places on the plate, and they were all touching each other.
Even though I was hungry I quickly lost my appetite and only picked at it, trying to eat where they weren’t touching.
I’m avoidant of conflict so I rarely complain.
I don’t know what to do, if the next time I go there (probably tomorrow) they ask me why I didn’t finish it.
They don’t know I’m autistic (they might suspect though), do I tell them that because of my autism it’s important to me, for my food not to be touching? Or is that just me being extra needy? | aspergers |
I have undiagnosed ADHD, and I dream of becoming an indie gamedev someday. The problem is that I know next to nothing about computer science and programming.
I decided to learn C# because Unity was the most familiar with me (during my experiences of playing games), so I went ahead and bought a self teaching book... then nothing.
Priorities getting mixed up, too much information on the internet, my lack of ability with staying on task and keep learning... I don't know what to do to make this work.
I also want to do my own artwork for my games (As in the beginning I wanted to make comics of my fictional story- then I wanted to express them through games instead.). Art is also something I'm very bad at, been drawing since I was a child, but never learned anything to actually improve my art.
So... art is also mixed into this jumble here. Art and C#. If there is any programmers and/or gamedevs with ADHD here, could you please help me and give me some advice? | ADHD |
Quick question, do you guys have any difficulties with writing? I just suddenly thought of this and now I'm mega curious.
My spelling is fine, there are your occasional screw ups but I personally find it normal since I do it as much as everyone else. However I do have two habits that I'm used to but I wanna see if my ADHD is a good explanation.
Habit 1) I often miss out parts of sentences which is annoying. I have an idea of what I wanna write in my head and when I write that out, sometimes I end up missing huge part of a sentence and the entire thing just doesn't make sense and I wouldn't realise this until I send it. This is more frequent when I text for a period of time and honestly, it's easier to look back and see that I was obviously zoned out and just typing on autopilot what I was thinking. I might've answered by own question but the next habit is more annoying and less clear
Habit 2) I make too many mistakes. Way too many since I started passed that weird childish period of life where I went from pencil to pen. You'd see atleast one scribbled out word on my tests and essays and it's honestly really annoying. | ADHD |
I have a prescription for generic Strattera (40mg) and the side effects have gotten so bad that I threw up at work last week, and I’ve been afraid to try again, since I ate beforehand and everything but I was still sick. Its been maybe 4-5 days since I’ve taken my meds, but I already feel like I’m sliding back into the habits I’ve had before (not cleaning room, forgetting stuff 1-2 seconds after I put it down, daydreaming at work for 15-20 minute intervals, etc), but I’m so scared of throwing up again, or being too sick to do anything again that I haven’t taken them. I also have this weird aversion to taking pills/ drinking water that I can’t seem to shake, and that’s been making it harder.
I’m going to try and get the dosage lowered on Monday- calling on my break, but last time I tried, they left me on hold for so long I just gave up (like 1hr)
Does anyone have any tips that might help in the meantime? | ADHD |
I'm posting this in multiple subreddits, if this is against the rules or gets taken down I completely understand. Also, this is not structured at all, I'm just writing what comes to mind since I know that if I don't this will never get done. So if I don't make sense then I apologise.
So, to start off I was 14 when I was first tested but thanks to waiting times it wasn't until I was 16 that I got the diagnosis (funny enough we didn't get the letter until the summer of the next year, so technically I was 17 but officially it's 16).
In the beginning, when I was told about the possibility of me being on the spectrum I was semi-okay with it. I told a few friends and even accepted two fidget cubes without much fuss.
However, I'm not sure it was a particular event I suppressed or just a build-up little thing but i eventually just *stopped*. I didn't want to acknowledge it, I didn't want to think about and if anyone brought it up, I got angry and completely shut down the conversation.
One time, I was on the train with my mum and while I had my headphones in, I overheard her talking with some lady in the next aisle. My mum mentioned "My daughter is austistic-" and I was really pissed at that. Who was she to tell random strangers about my shit? I did not want people to know that about me at all. I wanted to keep it quiet like my own dirty little secret.
Then I felt guilty. Because I love her and I know she means well but she's a carer and I notice her treating me like one of her customers. Like this one time, we were travelling. Some days are easier to speak than others, on those bad days I practically have to force myself to speak and this day was a bad day. She must have noticed and started to speak to me in the same tone she does with her customers. I hated it. All I could think about was how for most of my life I did shit for myself, I taught myself how to bathe properly, how to tie my hair in a ponytail and even started walking to and from school myself without prompting (I was always an independent child). Hell, I wrote my college application and sent it off without any help. So why was it now that she thinks I can't do anything? I can handle my shit just fine, and some diagnosis wasn't going to change that. Then I felt guilty, rinse and repeat.
Eventually, I left school, and that came the realisation that I need to get over this because what was the point of fucking myself over? I'm just gonna hurt myself and the people care about in the long run.
So yeah, I got some real big internalised ableism. So much so I never really acknowledged my diagnosis. To the point that I never speak about it, never read anything about it and I have trouble even saying "I'm autistic" out loud. I don't know what stimming is.
What I'm saying is. I want to learn how to be better. But the problem is, i have no idea what to do about it. | aspergers |
One of my compulsions right now is talking about my obsessions, and first off I just wanted to say how much I appreciate my fiance for listening to me. It must be so draining hearing me talk about the same thing for hours, but they put up with it. But I feel like I'm just feeding the monster when I do that. I talked for two hours straight tonight, and only stopped when they got literally tired and had to go to bed. Now I feel terrible, like I'm using them, like it's all just for attention. I feel like there's someone else inside of me, watching everything I do and commenting, telling me that I'm fake and a liar, that I enjoy the morbid thoughts I have, constantly persecuting me. I know I need to find a good middle ground between venting and compulsing, but it's so hard because my intrusive thoughts are so vivid and painful when I'm not talking and it feels so good give in and talk. I even pretend I'm talking to people when I'm alone and it's embarrassing because it looks like I'm muttering to myself. It's just awful.
Edit to put in that when I say I'm compelled to talk, this means me saying the same things over and over ciclically. It's definitely not a normal conversation, but I don't notice it until it's too late. | OCD |
I’ve struggled with OCD since my early teens, it’s heavily anxiety based but something I’ve been able to contain to just night rituals. In other terms the only people who see my ‘strange’ actions are partners that stay the night. I’ve just sort of bit the bullet and hope they don’t think I’m crazy when I check the door a ton of times or look under the bed with a flashlight until I’m satisfied (no logic to these actions obviously). Here’s the thing, the only time I really think my diagnosis has negatively influenced my life is in relationships.
Specifically in scenarios where the relationship is under stress and the future is uncertain. That’s when I start to really do compulsive things that make me feel crazy. Checking messages on social media to see if they’ve read them (hundreds of times), check snap maps to see where they are, check their snap score to see how fast it’s going up. I start checking these things ALL THE TIME because I feel compelled to internally, not because I care enough to truly be behaving this way.
Does anyone else feel OCD has affected their ability to process stressful change in a relationship? Do you feel it’s prolonged the “moving on” stage? Do rituals start to form around the relationship?
I’m struggling and need someone to talk to. | OCD |
It is my second day of officially taking Vyvanse and I’ve made tremendous strides in a mere forty-eight hour cycle that would otherwise have been a struggle for the week or even longer.
I’ve actually been able to remember things I’d normally forget, my thoughts feel so clear and organized, I actually feel a lot calmer on this (plus my Lexapro), and I feel a lot happier!
I’ve been succeeding with milestones at my new job to the point of where the Regional Manager gave me recognition (he visited the day I started), I’ve been able to hold conversations consistently and steadily without straying off topic or getting lost in the beginning of 38 thoughts. And I’ve actually been able to better organize myself when it comes to my eating habits, home rituals, and routines!
All-in-all, I’m just so excited that I found a psychiatrist who would listen, who is guiding me and helping monitor my medication, and that I’ve finally got on track! I’m excited to see what happens over the course of the next two weeks!
Just remember: Eat, Drink Water, and take advantage of a nap! :) | ADHD |
Hi im really anxious most of time and its horrible to live with i think im not normal person i fight everyday to bad thinking and hypersexuality im isolated and i need drug to go outside i tried propanolol but not enough do you have any medication or drug to sugest ? | ptsd |
I'm a 35 yr old female and about a month ago I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive). The psychiatrist started me on Vyvanse. I had a couple great hours of "hearing quiet" in my head that was sooo relaxing and calming, then things went downhill.
The second day I physically crashed when it wore off and felt like I couldn't stand up and was about to fall asleep, for about 5 hours. So we added dexadrine to kick in after the vyvanse wore off. Worked great to get me through the day and my mind felt amazing with them back-to-back (although my hands were freezing and face flushed), but the crash when the dexadrine wore off was almost worse. Horrible body aches (my neck and back mostly), severe depression, bouts of anxiety, and sleeplessness. Tried just the dexadrine by itself the next day and same thing. Tried just a 1/2 dose the next day and same thing, and no mental benefits at that dose :-/.
**It almost felt like my body couldn't handle the extra stress of the stimulants?**
I had mono three years ago (with a 1 year old....how are you supposed to rest with a baby!?!) and never really got my energy back. Kinda like long-COVID, it sounds. If I had to take a wild guess, it felt like the stimulants were causing the mono symptoms to re-emerge.
We stopped the stimulants and went to a low dose of bupropion to see if I reacted the same way and no reaction, but also no benefits (yet). I'm pretty bummed since I had a taste of that "quiet" feeling and now I'm not sure if we'll get there again. My psychiatrist is a bit perplexed as well.
Anyone else been down this road? | ADHD |
Hey guys, So Ive had a crippling fear of bugs since I was little. I live with ocd, bpd, did, and severe anxiety and mental health disorders. Im 21 f and just moved out with my husband into this beautiful basement unit.
The first day we saw a HUGE millipede (like huge with the big legs and ew and stuff) along with some pretty big spiders. Now we just see some ants and a few spiders every couple of days. Its not nearly as bad.
But due to my personal issues I cant be comfortable in my own home. I legit am too paranoid to take a poop y’all because Im so scared of bugs crawling on me
I spent hours lysoling and duct taping everywhere and everything to try and make myself feel better and it didnt do shiiiit I legit saw a lil ant crawl out from the layers of duct tape I put down like fuck 😂
My husband is amazing and really tries hard to help me out and support me, even when I wake him
Up super late in the night, but its getting to a point where its hard to live for us both
Ill be checking the walls with a flashlight at 3 am because I felt a tickle on my toe in my sleep (it doesnt help that a spider was on our bed the other day)
But I cant walk around without being paranoid and tip toeing with my slippers because Im so scared
Like guys I don’t want to spend 5 minutes every time I enter the bathroom doing a spider check.
Before moving out I used to not even stay in a room that a bug was in yknow? I reached out to my therapist but shes booked for 2 weeks
I really need some help and I know it may sound silly but Im like suicidal because of bugs in my
House and Idk how to deal with this so please help. I wanna live comfortably in my new home so badly
And I teach kids y’all like what am I supposed to do when theyre over for a lesson if a bug pops up 😂
I know theres humour in this but its a very big issue so yeah please provide advice if possible :) | OCD |
I have struggled with PTSD ever since I was abused as a child/teen. It was a horrible battle but I had considered myself to be mostly “ok” (my criteria being not having uncontrollable panic attacks daily). Yesterday I saw the aftermath of someone who had taken his own life jumping. I haven’t been even remotely ok since. I’m having flashbacks of my past unrelated abuse and also this now and I don’t know what to do. I just needed to tell someone. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place for this I just didn’t know where else to go, please remove if it breaks the rules. | ptsd |
This is a bit oddly specific, but then again a lot of ADD coping mechanisms are. Like many of you, I take stimulants every day that have the combined side effects of dehydrating me and reducing my sense of thirst. The amount of water I actually have to drink in order to stay hydrated is probably more than average. I really struggle with this.
One thing I've found that actually works is drinking water out of a plastic bottle that I can squeeze, which puts a lot more water in my mouth with a lot less effort. It might sound silly but if you're a person who struggles to drink enough to stay hydrated, I'd recommend trying it. Does anyone else do this? If so, has anyone found a re-usable water bottle that works well this way? | ADHD |
The med is nefazodone (Serzone). It's been a nightmare finding out that manufacturers aren't making it anymore, but instead of flat saying it's discontinued, they've had it on backorder for most of 3 quarters. My pharmacy (CVS) has apparently been shuffling inventory to cover my Rxs but didn't think to alert me to the major breakdown in the supply chain. None of the pharmacists I've talked to until today gave me the full picture - and today, I called them to find out what dosage we could get b/c some require prior auths from insurance, & I need my refill the same day as my appt. Last month they legit has to do a Covid emergency override to give me what they had to bridge me to my next appt.
I calmed myself down and escalated the issue to my psych nurse so my psych MD can have options for me when I go in next week. I'm scared and furious. I don't want to play medicinal roulette to find another working combination. He has 1 other patient in the same boat, except they've relied on it for more than 20 years.
I am so angry at the drug companies who just decide, "Fuck that it's working for folx! We need better margins." They just throw away meds with decades of success because it's become too cheap make them. I knew it was a risk, because capitalism, but I hoped I'd have more time.
My SO reminds me that there's been years of therapy btw now and the last time I faced my symptoms without that chemical aid and tries to reassure me it won't be as bad as before, but I can't imagine a reality where I have to handle my current gig and find & land a post-covid job while on a chemical & symptomatic rollercoaster that isn't terrifying and overwhelming.
Thanks for letting me rant. I know I'm not alone in dealing with this. | ptsd |
At the end of my last therapy session I was asked what is my proudest accomplishment. I thought about it long and hard and came to the conclusion i never had any accomplishments.
I got bad grades at school, never had many friends (if any really), Never went to collage or University.
Im just a loser and a waste of air.
Edit: typos. | depression |
Diabetes is caused by the absence or insufficient production of insulin, or an inability of the body to properly use insulin.
ADHD is caused by a dopamine deficiency, without such the brain struggles to function properly.
So, since no one in their right mind would tell a diabetic person to just “don’t go into hyper-glycemic shock” if their blood sugar is high.
Why do I get told to “just focus” or “just have more discipline”, when I can barely lift my head from my pillow sometimes?
I flipped and told this (not word by word, but much nicer) to my professor in UNI and they were utterly pissed. Was I wrong to say it? | ADHD |
Alright pals,
I’m on elvanse which is fab, but it completely kills my appetite, to the point where I feel repulsed by food. I can only stomach wet / saucy meals, so I wondered if anybody had any good recipes along those lines? bonus points if it’s also stupid easy to make 🥴
Right now I’m enjoying melon a lot...so that’s the level of wetness I’m talking.
Thanks! | ADHD |
I forgot to take my meds this morning and I am SO exhausted by my thoughts just constantly running. The day was already chaotic with thoughts, but it amped up so much more on my drive home, oh my god. I guess due to finally having some time to myself. My brain was just running through every possible thing I could do once I got home. Too many things one person could logically do even within a day. My brain was also going off on many other unrelated tangents, and yet every thought that comes into my head has just been blaring like it's the **most important thing** and I need to write it down before I inevitably forget it entirely in the next 10 seconds. I just want to tell my thoughts to shut up. Also the whole getting anxious about completing something only to forget what that thing is moments later but still being anxious about whatever it was. Yeah, have not been missing this.
I just got home and I can't wait to pop my evening dose for the day and quiet the noise. | ADHD |
Basically the title.
I try to give myself sympathy sometimes for not accomplishing some task, because I know it is hard with ADHD to get stuff done sometimes. I was diagnosed around 12 and at 22 now, I don’t doubt that I have ADHD, but I do doubt the severity. I’m in college and I’m able to just “apply myself” so to speak and I’ll get all A’s one semester, then another semester I will literally fail two classes (seriously, that happened).
I don’t want to blame everything on my ADHD but how do I tell the difference between “I didn’t study effectively because I have ADHD and kept getting distracted by my phone” and “I didn’t study effectively because I kept doing something on my phone and simply didn’t want to study”. I don’t know when I need to give myself sympathy because my brain makes focusing on things I need to hard and when I need to, like, idk get mad at myself for being lazy? | ADHD |
Background: I had a cardiac arrest at 15. Developed PTSD from my ICU stay (I suffered delirium too for two weeks). Part of my PTSD is that I have severe OCD hypochondria, and I don't trust my doctors. In the 8th grade, I told them my heart was acting weird, and they said it was anxiety. I died a year and a half later and was resuscitated after 10 minutes.
My Issue: In 2018, my heart suddenly became inflamed due to my genetic disease. I was put in the ICU (no delirium this time as no drugs were necessary, but I developed a weird stutter and memory lapses that went away when I left the hospital). A few months after (maybe 2), I started feeling like cold metal was touching my arms and legs everytime my body got too hot (baths, mowimg the lawn on a hot day, falling asleep at night). By January of 2019, I developed a burning pain on my torso that also happens when my body heats up (even from hot flashes from stress, like if a driver cuts me off). It is a mix of burning and feeling like im being stung by wasps. It is almost an extreme itch. I have seen three neurologists. I've had a nerve conduction study and an MRI, and all was clear. My physical exam noticed hyperreflexia and a positive hoffmanns sign, but was otherwise normal. All three neurologists have said it is from anxiety and PTSD. I have a hard time believing it isn't MS or something worse. I can't find any evidence PTSD can cause symptoms like this (especially symptoms that are made worse by heat and at rest). Sometimes I feel the pain in my dreams and wake up. The pain doesn't happen if I sleep with a fan on. Anybody have something similar? | ptsd |
As someone with OCD, I think that it is both underrepresented and often misrepresented in media. This leads to a lot of harmful stereotypes and people generally misunderstanding what OCD is and isn’t. I’ve been working on a musical who’s lead has OCD. I want to show how it affects her life, and how she’s able to eventually not have it control and define her as a person. There are some obvious things that I want to make clear (OCD isn’t just cleanliness/symmetry, focus more on the obsession part which is often overlooked, people aren’t just “a little OCD,” etc.) but what are some other things that you think are severely lacking in this sort of representation? Specifically with harm OCD (and to an extent relationship OCD), as that’s the form I’m focusing on, and it is not the subset I personally am familiar with. I hope to see more accurate portrayals of OCD in the future and hope that I can contribute somewhat to that. | OCD |
Hi, sorry I know there have been some posts on this before, however many are archived and a lot of recommendations for assessment locations were made to the OPs in PMs.. I don't want to go sliding into peoples DMs too much for this!
Does anyone in England have a recommendations from recent experience for good but not extortionate Adult ADHD assessment and follow-up services? Additionally if there are any you would recommend AGAINST, please let me know.
I am based in Wiltshire, not far from Swindon and would be happy to travel up to an hour or two for the right place (London is a bit of a trek but doable). The sooner I can get this diagnosed and move forward the better!
Thanks in advance!! | ADHD |
Hi,
New joiner here. It feels so welcoming in a way I have never felt before going through all of the posts, so thank you all. I've always had an almost insatiable need for intimacy with someone, but I always struggled to find someone I could connect to. I always felt like my challenges were too different from others that I dated, and I fell off hard. I hurt someone people in the process (never intentionally or physically, to be clear), and it always causes me anxiety when I do start something new with someone.
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I'm so curious now what dating another Aspie would look and feel like. Does anyone here have any past experience or is in a relationship with another Aspie? If so, how is it going or what was it like? | aspergers |
Just wish I could feel like a good person OCD can be so mentally draining | OCD |
My cellphone just died out of nowhere and along with it a game called Fate Grand Order, it was the only thing that i felt proud of and made me feel excited, two years of dedication, of earning limited event characters, getting 5 star characters, all gone, it was the only thing that i could prove my worth with and now its gone, i been losing a lot of friend recently, ive been doing bad in college, most of my friends are in a relationship, have graduated and working and here i am losing my mind over a game, im truly pathetic | depression |
Sometimes when i have a meltdown due to too much change or overstimulation I get extreme emotional outbursts that are beyond my normal reaction to things.
For example a few days ago I sent a really long angry text to my friend saying she didn’t care about me just because she canceled some plans (for legitimate reasons). All of the change was so overwhelming and at the time I felt like i NEEDED to text her that but now I feel awful.
I hurt her so much and saying sorry now doesn’t really repair the damage I’ve done. this has happened one time before with her and I was really careful for a while to make sure it didn’t happen again.
What can I do to make this right? and how can I explain to her? I feel so so so bad because I never wanted to hurt her and I realize my outburst was so extreme to the situation. | aspergers |
I’m 13F, and my traumatic experience happened last December. I was in a friend group that was very toxic, I was constantly put down, and at the end of November, they basically dumped me. It just so happened that the only person who I was out to at the time (I am gay) was their leader, Norah. After she decided that she didn’t like me anymore, she told everyone my secret. I started getting bullied extremely, to the point of self harm and being suicidal. So one day in December, I can’t remember the exact date, and everything is a little blurry, I am in the bathroom crying. Again, IDK exactly why, but I was crying most days. I had skipped lunch because that was when I would get bullied the most, and suddenly I hear someone coming in. At our school, there’s this one stall door that doesn’t lock, and that’s where I was. This girl, Giselle, is talking with someone in the doorway and giggling. Then she comes in, and says something to me (I can’t remember). I reply, and so she just barges into my stall. I am standing, panicked (even writing this I’m shaking), and she says, You stupid bitch! Don’t you know that God hates faggots? Then she pushes me against the stall door and squeezes my boob so hard that it bruised. She leaves my stall and bends down to tighten her velcro shoe (the one weirdly specific thing I remember very clearly), then walks out the door. That’s the story. Anyway, now I freak out when i hear velcro, have flashbacks when I’m at school, and I can’t even look at myself naked because it reminds me how worthless I am. I didn’t even say anything! Do I have PTSD? | ptsd |
I have a weird sleeping pattern where I can fall asleep in under 5-15 minutes max when it’s night time but after 5-6 hours I wake up and it becomes impossible to go back to asleep. Does this happen to anyone else? I’m not tired or anything throughout the day I just want to sleep 8 hours because the day is really boring and I have nothing to do is all.
This narrative only changes if there’s any anxiety drugs involved (benzos) | ADHD |
I'm a 33M, I've been depressed since I was about 11 and I've have tried therapy and been on different antidepressants since I was 23. I'm not a happy guy and I'm tired of portraying myself like I am one.
I'm at the age where everyone is getting married, a house or moving on to bigger and better things. And I don't want that, I've never wanted any of that. I feel no joy out of these things or everyday life. I'm tired of putting myself out there just to have my family and friends to think "Hey, he's doing alright", I never cared what people thought of me. But, I think I do it so someone can say "He tried his best" after my eventual suicide.
I don't want anything, anymore. I don't want money, love, or to be an afterthought. I just want to fade away and sometimes that's only thing that makes me smile. | depression |
Got diagnosed in June and Prescribed Vyvanse in August. I have always made straight As in school but it took immense energy. I would never let myself see friends or have any fun ever. To get myself to hyper focus on school I would completely make it my entire life. Every semester felt like a prison sentence. Even being prepared for tests, I would activate hyper focus before every exam which was extremely emotionally draining. After every exam hyper focus would not turn off and I would obsess over every mistake I made. I can now take exams and just stop thinking about them afterwards knowing I did my best.
Working is not so hard to start doing anymore. I can live a more balanced life. I actually party sometimes. I even partied the night before an 8am exam. Something I would have never thought I would ever do. Treating my ADHD has allowed me to live a life that does not feel so dreadful and draining. I am truly grateful for this community helping me realize I had this condition. Treating it has made my life a lot better. | ADHD |
i wish i had a counter over my head that would show me how many times i gave in to my compulsions today lol. just about everything has been triggering them today!! i still havent figured out why some days are worse than others, but i’ve had my hand washing compulsion triggered upwards of twenty plus times today :( who knows how many mental compulsions i ran through!
if you’re having a bad day today too, we’ll get through it! and if u need to hear it, you’re not crazy and you’re not alone. (i know i’ve needed someone to say that in my worst moments) | OCD |
Maybe this has something to do with masking
but
I swear the more that I notice a trait in my personality and presentation
which reflects a certain group of people
the more I emphasize said trait and bring about similar ones
until I reach a point where I am a stereotype of a particular thing
even if this thing is not something I wish to fully identify with
even if it is something I don’t want anything to do with
and it makes me very uncomfortable
because it confuses everyone
including myself
in regards to who I am
what I like
what I want
and what I think. | aspergers |
I'm looking for recommendations for t-shirts. Tags, hard fabric, and side seams are a no-go for me. I have a random assortment of nerdy t-shirts I've acquired over the years that are soft, tagless, seamless, and comfortable. But I am wanting to switch to plain black, navy, and grey t-shirts. I don't really pay attention to what I wear so these three colors will easily fit my wardrobe needs....then I won't look like a 12 yr old manboy as my wife so politely says.
I am considering Gildan t-shirts on Amazon but not sure if they're worthy: https://www.amazon.ca/GILDAN-Mens-T-Shirt-Multipack-Underwear/dp/B081BKM4QB | aspergers |
Looking at my life retrospectively, and now presently, I've started to think that having ADHD is a real possibility. Problem is, I am getting predicted good grades at school, and my parents aren't very open to issues surrounding mental health. I'm not going to go into details about what they think about it, but they really aren't keen on taking me to get it checked, instead calling me paranoid and 'just stressed out'.
Is there anything that I could possibly do to open up the idea to them? It's really frustrating as I'm constantly struggling in many aspects of my life and I'd really like to know to get some bits resolved if possible. I am 17 and am aware of the difficulty surrounding diagnosis once you become an adult, and while I am willing to go to the GP alone if I have no other options I would much rather honestly go through the process with them. They also have private health insurance for our family so perhaps it would be a lot quicker if I did too.
Apologies if this has been a rant, just finding it a bit difficult right now. Nobody has ever really seemed to understand the way I'm feeling about it all unless they actually have ADHD themselves so its kinda why I've come here. | ADHD |
Meds, like everybody else says, are awesome and have changed my life.
Whereas before I never was able to focus on the same task for more than a couple of minutes and always jumped from one thing to another, now I can actually sit down without getting distracted. In essence, that mental barrier that inhibited my ability to focus on something even if i wanted to do it finally broke down.
At first this was an amazing, incredible, every positive emotional word I could imagine inducing experience. A month after starting meds though, and everything I need to do still sits unfinished.
Essays I need to write? Haven’t started. Books I need to read? Still on the shelf. Emails I need to respond to? Long lost in my inbox.
But now I CAN focus… just not on what I need to. I take my meds expecting to sit down and concentrate on writing a paper only to spend 3 hours researching how to open a coffee shop.
Yes, being able to do something without getting distracted is good, but how do I get myself to focus on the things I NEED to do not the things I WANT to do (or even random things that i just get super super into and can’t break that focus)?
How do I *direct* this newfound skill of being a normal person to doing normal person tasks (like writing my paper or reading a book) rather than random and useless things like writing this reddit post or researching topics that I don’t even remember how I found?
I’m so desperate since meds feel like nothing but another way of preventing me from accomplishing what I need to :(( | ADHD |
So, generally speaking I am medication averse; I’ll deal with a headache until it’s unbearable before taking something for it, etc.
I feel....defeated for having to go on medication for OCD. The weird part is, I understand how important it is in a treatment plan for some and judge no one for being on them but have a complex about it for myself
At one point I had things managed really well without it, but it’s been a bad backslide. I’m disappointed that I can’t get back on my own but more so I’m confused onto why I can’t. Sort of the I’ve done it once so why not now
Anyone whose experienced guilt for needing medication have any tips? I’ve tried saying to myself what I’ve said to loved ones and I’m so unable to self soothe (I know this is tied to pretty typical OCD symptoms) that I wonder why they felt better after talking to me | OCD |
The thoughts don’t bother me anymore, I feel as if I’m hollow. I used to feel extremely anxious all the time, but now I don’t care, it’s making me feel like a psychopath. My Dad arrived home the other night and shouted “ouch”, I didn’t even bother to check on him being the monster that I am. I feel devoid of any empathy, like I don’t deserve love, I’m fucking shaking writing this. Combating the thoughts takes too much energy, but when I ignore them I feel depressed. Fuck me, I’m a piece of shit. | OCD |
“Every time I come home from work everything is half done. So I have to finish it on top of everything else I have to do.”
I mean, or you could just ask me to. You could just wait until I’ve maybe had my coffee to start in on me about all the ways I’ve fucked up while you were gone.
I’m doing my best here. Half done is better than not at all, right? I’m just trying to stay afloat and I was feeling good about all the dishes and laundry I did the past few days. I even cleaned some.
But he doesn’t ever see that. He only sees what I haven’t done. It’s never enough. I’m never good enough and I’m so tired…
Edit to add: I’ve tried to explain or get him to understand that I’m struggling. But he has his own proclivities. He’s entitled to be upset I suppose. If it were just him I think the house would be near spotless so I can understand his frustration. I get that it probably feels like everything is on him. I just wish he could see that I’m trying. | ADHD |
Who else was the scapegoat and struggles with oversharing? Why do you overshare?
Scapegoat over here who overshares. I think the reasons I did it was boundaries were a mess in my dysfunctional family and I wanted intimacy so badly I would rush relationships. But also because I always felt I had to prove I was being honest and not bad since I was the scapegoat. I always felt like I had to explain myself because people weren't going to trust me and I was the bad one. I also was in denial about my trauma history a bit as I didn't want to accept people can be evil so I was giving people the benefit of the doubt. Total gaslighting because what ended up happening is the other person was not as open as me so I ended up being exploited/manipulated and what I said was used against me. People often tell me they like how honest and genuine I am but I've realized I need to start listening to my gut and close my mouth when it does not feel safe for me to share especially when I barely know the person. I am not ashamed of my story and eventually may make talks and write books on my life but as for now, I need to be careful about sharing so much so I am not a target for abusers and I don't scare away healthy people.
Who else overshares and why? How are you stopping yourself? | ptsd |
I’ve honestly been struggling with writing for so long. I’ve done countless exposures and I’m still struggling. Fortunately, not as severely as I once was but enough to want to bring me to tears.
Basically I have extreme just right compulsions with writing. Every sentence has to be just right to me. If not, then I rewrite it. But this takes hours. For example a simple writing assignment can turn into a full day task. I have an essay assignment coming up in a class and I’m honestly dreading it | OCD |
Can’t deal with all of the pressure
expectations not got lesser
Can’t deal with all of the stress
you can call it fucking stressor
Need some fucking money fast…
OCD is such a pester
If I have any more stress, I might need a fucking stretcher.
Woe is me. All this stress does blow for me
Feel Shitty as can fucking be
And all this stress is fucking me
majorly fucking depressed…
Blame it on the OCD
it is quite a stressful state
That my mind and body hate
If you have it easy peasy…
maybe you cannot relate
Think I need to use some pills,
Side affects might be some weight
Can’t afford the fucking bills, let alone food for my plate
Feel stressed out and fucking tired
Every fucking day theres pain
It’s not all inside my head, you might think that I’m insane
You might think I need some help
You are right…I need cocaine.
Joking, joking, bout the drugs, but not at all, about my brain.
Not at all about my pain
Not at all is this some game
anxiety and stress, need Less, but everyday it seems the same. | OCD |
Hey Everyone,
\*Just so everyone knows, although I am a nurse, I do not provide direct patient care any longer ( I teach a nursing assistant course) so no patient's are at risk.
So I have been having some new issues coming up with work and I am afraid it is going to start interfering with my ability to work. To give you a little background, I'm a nurse and I started off in pediatric psychiatric nursing. While doing that job I was way overworked (they kept putting me on shifts I didn't agree to, basically every open shift) and the job was chaotic to say the least. I got punched, kicked, spit on, called names, bitten, had my hair pulled, scratched, and had a kid hold onto my earring in my earlobe and threaten to pull it. There was periods of time where I (as well as many other staff members) were getting hurt every day at work. I even seen 3 staff get concussions and one get his nose broken. It was a traumatizing job to say the least. Every day before work I would vomit due to being so nervous and would often have to pull over on my way to work to vomit. I had anxiety attacks daily and was a zombie or an emotional wreck. I stayed even though I was so low functioning at the time because I was the only one working and I needed to support my then family.
Well, I have been out of that job for about a year now and my new job is far less stressful, but I am still experiencing some issues. I have posted about a few of them, but they are starting to add up. First, every morning I wake up to my alarm I wake up anxious and shaking. Usually I can take 10 minutes to do some mindfulness exercises to calm me down enough to get up and start getting ready. Second, most days on my way to work I have these moments (lasting no more than 30 seconds) where I won't recognize my surroundings. I realize that I am on my way to work, but it feels almost like I made a wrong turn. Soon it wears off and I know where I am again. Third, when anything comes up at work I end up having panic attacks at night and whenever my boss calls me, I have a panic attack afterwards. Luckily, my job is an offsite, so most of my work is pretty independent. I am finding more and more I am having trouble finishing my work and I am starting to forget to do things or missing important details.
I am unsure what to do at this point. I am on medication, in counseling, trying coping skills and mindfulness practices, exercising daily, doing self care daily, ect. I just don't know what more I can do, but I just can't seem to function at a level I need to. | ptsd |
Just had this random thought at 3am and felt like posting it here. I was diagnosed with adhd in 7th grade. I started out being prescribed a high dosage of adderall at that time. It worked for a bit, but then my anxiety got out of control and I started procrastinating. Which heavy amounts of procrastination can lead to isolation, failure, and essentially depression. I had horrible grades my whole life, bad relationships with friends and family, and it eventually led to drug abuse to cope with this debilitating anxiety. I’d also like to mention that I had switched up my medication several times throughout this process but nothing fixed the problem. I dropped out of college my senior year and decided no more drugs or alcohol (including my adhd medication) and that I’d figure my adhd out on my own. This is where the darker times started for me. I then got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2019 and it was very aggressive. For those who don’t know UC is an autoimmune disease that attacks your large intestine. I had exhausted every possible solution trying to treat my symptoms, as there is no cure. I was on steroids, mesalamine (in multiple different forms) iron infusions, blood transfusions for when I was severely anemic, changing my diet as I was rapidly losing weight while eating twice my normal caloric intake, biologics, and more I can’t even remember. Everything failed to the point where my only option was to remove my large intestine. Which I thought would be the end of my life but turned out to be the beginning. After going through all of that I began seeing a new psychiatrist and therapist. I told my psychiatrist I didn’t want to be on adhd medications because they just turned me into a zombie who didn’t eat and felt no emotion. He then showed me that I was on too high of a prescription with all the meds I used to be taking and that everyone metabolizes drugs differently and so I agreed to take a small dose of one that I had not tried before as well as an anxiety medication. The very first day I was on the anxiety meds it was like a whole new world for me. I wasn’t ruminating, overly worried, and just finally at peace with my mind. That only solved the problem of not being anxious anymore, which has helped me procrastinate significantly less. However, now that I am in therapy we are working on some cbt and my life is changing for the better. It’s the first time I have felt genuinely happy since I was a child. I guess the whole point of this is that nothing will be the same for everyone so try everything until it works and if you are experiencing anxiety and depression, tell your doctor before you dig yourself into a hole you can’t get out of. Hope you all are happy and healthy, have a good day! | ADHD |
Hi there !
For those of you who have been taking methylpehindate since a while, what was your journey like so far as regards tolerance?
Did you have to increase the doses over the months / years - if so, to what extent ?
Do you suggest to keep a low dosage at the beginning - even if it is a sub-obtimal dosage?
I am very interested in knowing was your initial dosage ? (after two months medications I am taking 60mg extended release).
Cheers ! | ADHD |
Was diagnosed with ADHD about half a week ago. I have been taking 18mg of Conserta for a few days. Two things I've observed.
1. My heart rate and blood pressure are quite high. This causes an increase in the physical symptoms I would associate with anxiety, and as you can imagine it's uncomfortable.
2. I guess my sleep schedule is improving? I find myself less likely to power through my sleepiness when I am tired but doing something. It's gradual improvement though as I find myself waking up frequently throughout the night.
Should I be experiencing increased motivation to accomplish responsibilities and an easier time maintaining focus on said responsibilities? I'm not really feeling it. | ADHD |
I was dx this year and have been trying different doses of Vyvance to try to find what works for me. I was taking a 20mg first thing in the morning, the. a 10mg around 11am as the 20 alone allowed me to fall of the cliff around 2pm everyday and I needed more. This worked really well. However the insurance company made it very difficult to do this so I decided to try just a single 30mg in the morning. Not good. Now, I can't sleep at night while also literally pondering if the pharmacy messed up my Rx because it barely seemed to be working during the day. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? any help would be appreciated. | ADHD |
Been scrolling and posting in Reddit for two hours. I have too many deadlines this week.
Tried Notion for organizing my work life aprox 10 times, but I found it only works for me as a tool for certain projects (as a content calendar for social media, for example), but I haven't been able to make it work for organizing *everything*.
Google Calendar is fine for scheduling each task, and has helped me be and stay aware of what I should be doing all of the time. But it's of no use if I can't properly prioritize my tasks and schedule step by step what needs to be done. Also, I'm often called to unexpected pointless meetings that I have to attend to keep some clients happy, regardless the schedule I had made for myself before.
How do you guys handle this? | ADHD |
I occasionally (2-3 times a day) see these little black spots in my vision. They only last a few seconds at most, and they really concern me. I'm really worried that I have some sort of brain cancer. I don't want to die since I'm only 14. I suffer from GAD and OCD. What are these? | OCD |
Does anyone have any advice on what I can do about this. All day I'm tired and feel like I want to sleep, when I get home from work, which is very physical, I get on my computer or I read it do Legos but then when I go to bed I'm so hyper. It's like I want to go run laps or something, very annoying. | ADHD |
As many of you probably do, I struggle a lot with procrastinating and keeping accountable.
When I’m home by myself all day I struggle to get anything done!
But I’ve come to realised that when people are around me I get things done. I wash the dishes, sweep the floors, make the bed but the biggest thing is I keep off my phone!
I can sit around all day procrastinating but when my hubby texts “I’ll be home in 15mins”, I jump up and try do everything I was meant to do all day in that 15 mins!
Anyway to get to the point I really want a baby, I feel ready for one. But in addition to wanting a baby, I was thinking that having a baby human to look after might help me with my accountability because I have to look after it and have get things done.
I get that children/babies are hard work (my older sister has 3) and I won’t get much sleep, etc but I just want to know if anyones life with ADHD has improved since having kids? | ADHD |
I’m struggling with depression, it’s been a month, and I’m feeling horrible.
It’s bad in my love life, it’s bad at work, there’s conflict everywhere and people are generally inefficient of ill-willed.
I have huge loads of unchecked emails and huge tasks at hand, and lots of people relying on me. I just got an email as I was typing this message and the SOUND. Omg the SOUND…. Disruption. Stress. Dispair.
I was having lunch with my date today. Every text he sends is « I hope you’re doing better now » « what have you done today » « do you want more potatoes? » « have some of my food as well » « don’t you have to do this ? » « do you have to do sth today? » TELLING ME WHAT TO DO or how to feel in every utterance. Asking me what it is that I’m not doing.
It’s exhausting. Like the emails. I feel like I would feel better alone. | depression |
I’m really struggling I used to love being my gender and now I feel empty like my thoughts have just taken over | OCD |
I am currently researching my childhood and past. I found during kindergarten and a part of primary school I went to a special research centre focussed on children with cognitive difficulties. Today it still exists but is specialised in adhd/asd.
During my stay there I took 2 IQ tests in one of which I scored about 92 on Verbal IQ compared to 120 on Performance iq. I thought autistic people pretty much always have higher viq than piq. what exactly does it mean for me when I relate so much to asd characteristics? Theu even mentioned in the observations that I lacked eye contact. | aspergers |
I’ve been taking my meds for almost two years now and they’ve significantly improved my academic abilities, I mean I went from a flunking student to top of the class in almost every subject. But whenever I accomplish a task, or score high on a test, it always feels undermined by the fact that I would fall flat on my face without my meds and it’s eating me up. It feels like I have an unfair advantage over everyone else and that makes it impossible to ever feel good about myself, when my dad sees my grades or test scores I can tell he attributes those only to the Adderall I take, it hurts because it’s true. My dad wants me to try next year without meds and I’m terrified since I’ll be beginning dual enrollment. His side of the family believes ADHD is the product of bad parenting, that kids with so called “ADHD” just need a smack in the face so maybe that’s why my dad is so weird about meds, even though my entire elementary school experience I was scolded and punished, excluded from all the field trips because I couldn’t finish my work, or I couldn’t sit still, or I talked too much. I’m sorry for the long disorganized rant but I just needed some like minded peoples opinions. | ADHD |
The urge to bite my nails and/or lips is so strong and it interferes with my daily activities HEAVILY. Does ANYBODY have any advice? | OCD |
Does anyone else struggle with not thinking that adhd is even real or that they don’t even have it? How do you rationalize or cope with this? I got a very formal diagnosis with extensive testing for combined type adhd and comorbid generalized anxiety disorder but I can’t help but think that maybe it’s just my personality, maybe I just don’t try hard enough, or maybe I need to just change my lifestyle/mindset. I also start to question it and feel like my struggles are illegitimate because it seems that just so many people have adhd now and mental health disorders are increasingly common. This makes it difficult to commit to treatment because it doesn’t feel right. Are these valid ideas or just anxious ones? Can anyone PLEASE explain how to deal with this. | ADHD |
I keep going to bed thinking I won't wake up the next day
I keep feeling like there's something wrong with my body; my hearts racing, odd weird pains, headaches, muscles hurt, chest tightens...all of them feel like a sign
I keep feeling "I'm going to die soon"
I don't even know what to do...like is this normal? | depression |
I was at courts playing basketball, then an old friend came in his car with two girls. I got real happy cause it has been a while since I haven't seen him. It went like this:
-Hey man!
-Hey
-Long time withouth seeing you man!
-Yeah
I said hello to the couple girls twice, no response.
I grabbed my ball and went home while I felt that I was dying for being awkward. | aspergers |
Hi, I’m looking for some advice with communicating to those around me that I’m having a hard day. I try to be direct and tell them what I need (i.e. “I would like to video call you today”) but often this doesn’t portray the message that I mean which is more like “I am feeling very sad and having a really hard day. I need you to video chat me soon please.” A lot of times I just can’t say this, it is too overwhelming for me. I was thinking maybe I could come up with a code or something but that seems childish. Does anyone have any recommendations for how I could communicate that without having to say it? | depression |
I am a habitually late person and I hate it. My biggest issue is just getting out the door when I need to. Even if I start getting ready early I always end up rushing around at the last minute and leaving 5-10 minutes later then I planned. I frequently also have to go back into the house 1-2 times for things I've forgotten after I've gone to the car. It's maddening. It's like my brain blanks on what I need to do to get ready and how much time it will take until it's too late. It causes me so many problems and I really don't know what to do about it. | ADHD |
I say peak OCD moment but really it's more like a baseline trying-to-get-to-sleep OCD moment | OCD |
Hey guys! This might not be the best sub, but I figured this might be common in the aspie community. so I might as well give it a try. If a moderator sees this and you think it does not belong here, please just delete it. (Before I start, please note that this is a throaway account and despite the fact that I won't be able to reply to your messages, I truly appreciate that you helped me!)
Just like some aspies I'm hypersensitive to touch, to light, to noises, to smells, etc. My biggest problem is connected to my nails. When I'm cutting my nails (especially my toe nails), having my nails cut gives me unbearable pain. I can't stand cutting/trimming my nails. It's nice making them smaller and having them not cut me, but the process through which they are smallen, sends me into a not-so-long lasting meltdown. I'll even feel horrible if it's been more than three days since the scaping.
​
If anyone has this problem just like me, could anyone give me some advice about how I should do it so that I won't go insane everytime I have to do this?
​
Thank you for reading! | aspergers |
EDIT: Thank you for all your wonderful comments and for sharing. I am not alone in feeling this way and neither are you.
idk if this type of post is even allowed here. Don't really have any questions or anything, just wanted to vent.
I hate feeling like this when I know there is a bunch of things I need to do but they just don't feel important enough right now.
Also apparently posts need a body that's at least 300 characters in length, and reddit says I am currently at 355 and counting, so this should be enough.
Aaaaaand now it says I need to take a break for 12 minutes because I can't post back to back, 494 characters now. fml | ADHD |
Was diagnosed with OCD (lots of intrusive thoughts and little rituals I’ve had for YEARS now ). My psych is prescribing me FLUVOXAMINE. Anyone tried this? Results? I don’t understand or see how a medication can help with OCD. Especially intrusive thoughts or rituals when you’re so use to it. What is it like? Does your mind just blank out or something? | OCD |
About 8 months ago, I had a memory of something that had happened 5 years prior and freaked out about it. I confessed it to my boyfriend, and either said that I thought it had happened or did happen, I don’t remember which. I treated the fears about it as real event ocd after the fact, and maybe a few months later, I considered that the memory may have been a false one, but decided to still consider it a real memory because I didn’t want to “go easy” on myself. I just remembered the whole ordeal again recently, and even more so it feels like it may be a false memory based on how it feels pretty unclear to me now when I picture it (it felt clearer when I remembered it at first) and some more circumstances I have considered about the memory making it perhaps more unlikely than I once thought. I was also having a lot of false memories 8 months ago when I first remembered this. However, the other memories back then were more “what ifs” than that it actually happened, which is why I treated this memory as a real one and the other ones as false memories. I know I can’t know for sure, but I was just curious if it was at all possible for false memories to first appear in the mind as real events? Has this ever happened to anyone with OCD? | OCD |
I was planning to go do a thing this morning at 10 that may take 3-4 hours.
Before leaving my wife told me to make sure I’m back by 1 because she has a ton to do and we need to get another thing done immediately so she can get to it.
Now I’m stressed and don’t want to go do the first thing because I can’t be sure I’ll be back exactly on time.
Is this normal? | ADHD |
Honestly depressed asf and literally can’t stop crying. A bit suicidal, everything feels hopeless. Outside of not hearing back from a job interview, hating where I’m at in life, I honestly regret bringing the word transference up. I feel like he barely wanted to talk about it. I feel rejected. I don’t want to stop seeing him but I feel like it needs to happen. | depression |
I have been really mentally suffering with symptoms of anxiety, depression, DDD, etc and am currently in therapy, but I feel as if it is time to begin medication. I haven't consistently improved in these areas and it's beginning to get worse, actually. I had some hangups on starting medication because of worries such as how they'll make me feel, how long I have to take them, do they make you feel worse at first, and just generally how they make you feel while your on them. I am aware a psychiatrist and my therapist can best answer these for me, but I am curious to hear others stories with antidepressants, etc. | depression |
I’m currently going through a really bad stage right now and I don’t know how much longer I can take it , I start my first job in two days I’m a 19 old boy and in need of some serious felt for the past 3 weeks I’ve left my house 3 times usually I’m an athletic person who likes to get out of the house but I can’t even bring my self to do that this is my first and last call for help if anyone can give me some advise it would be more then appreciated two days ago I didn’t sleep the whole night and was awake for 30 hours becus I couldn’t get to sleep at all my parents constantly are bugging me to get out of the house but they don’t understand depression and things like that they just say ‘it’ll be alright’ not that they don’t care but they don’t understand currently I’ve been awake for 28 hours and can’t get to sleeep at all I feel completely numb it’s 10 am in the morning and I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel utterly hopeless I’m struggling to explain how I feel at the moment I’m that lost and tired in my mind can someone please give me some tips on what I should do about my sleep and how to get out of this state anything would be appreciated | depression |
idk if i can explain it in english that people understand me. usually i have to do something and im scared something bad happens when u dont do it but sometimes i am scared that something bad happens when i do something that i want to do so i dont do it
for example today i wanted to drink bubbly tea but i was scared that my favourite person leaves me if i do that so i didnt do it.
i dont have ocd diagnosed but i have the symptoms but i never heard of this so maybe thats something else and i dont have it idk but its the same as the normal symptoms but that i have to not do something so im not sure | OCD |
I'm currently hiding in the bathroom writing this. I'm horribly depressed and everytime I hear about how great everyone else is doing I just get worse. Getting successful careers. Getting phds. Getting married.
I'm happy for them obviously. But it just makes me realize how much of a failure I really am. I wish I had the will to be better, but I know how fucking stupid and useless I am. a part of me just wants to waste away like trash. I hate myself. | depression |
I really want to make peace with my situation somehow. I want to stop feeling the anger I feel all the time. I feel like I’m going to hold onto my anger for how unfair what happened is and my anger towards him forever. I don’t want to, but I can’t forgive him.
Any advice? Any stories of how you or someone else made peace? Thank you. | ptsd |
Okay so I've been having a Bad Time for uhhhhh... fifteen years but it's REALLY ramped up in the past 18 months or so. I'm taking medication (wellbutrin is life) and found a GOOD therapist (CBT. EMDR is fake fucking news imo). Things aren't good, but they're better.
My main issue is that I love to jump to conclusions and assume that everyone in the world fucking hates me, as an obvious reflection of how I view myself, blah blah.
She gave me a worksheet with questions to go through when you start to recognize a negative thought pattern, and it genuinely has been helping a lot. These questions look super obvious but it's seriously helped when I'm having a bad day and assuming that everyone I've ever known thinks I'm a massive piece of shit.
Photo posts aren't allowed, I guess, but here they are in case it can help someone as well:
1. Thought to be questioned (what is the problem)
2. What is the evidence for this thought? Against it?
3. Am I basing this thought on facts, or on feelings?
4. Is this thought black and white, when reality is more complicated?
5. Could I be misinterpreting the evidence? Am I making any assumptions?
6. Might other people have different interpretations of this same situation? What are they?
7. Am I looking at all the evidence, or just what supports my thought?
8. Could my thought be an exaggeration of what's true?
9. Am I having this thought out of habit, or do the facts support it?
10. Did someone pass this thought/belief onto me? If so, are they a reliable source?
11. Is my thought a *likely* scenario, or is it the *worst-case* scenario?
What I like about this is that it's not trying to convince you of anything - any time I would be worried about something, and someone else would say "oh but that's not true/not going to happen" it would absolutely not help. This is more like just opening your mind to other possibilities and being able to explore them on your own.
Anyways I like this a lot, and I hope it can maybe help someone else too. | depression |
One of the most depressing things in my life is that i have never encountered someone with endless ambition like my own. Everyone is content with the status quo, and those who claim otherwise aren’t really down to change it in any kind of lasting way. | depression |
I’m sick of living.
I’m sick of waking up daily.
I’m sick of telling myself the same shit everyday.
Im sick of being depressed.
But I won’t change nor will I get better.
I smoke weed heavily because it lets me escape. But now I’m addicted to it.
Without it, I’d try kill myself everytime I don’t have it.
It’s gotta me in a cycle where I’m trapped.
Every bit of money I get goes on weed because I “love it so much”, but I don’t it just makes me head so clear, and dosent make me think to much about all the chaos in my life
I keep saying it’ll be soon
But days and days are going by.
Truthfully it’s because I don’t have enough balls, to commit.
Everytime I get to the last second of my life I wake up or turn away.
But you don’t know how much I want it
Want to die
It makes me happy that i think of being free.
Not so much for my friends and family but I’m just getting past that, I’m pushing them away because I know it’ll be much easier.
I’ve said before but now I know for sure , The title | depression |
My irl „friends“ always treat me like i am worth less or nothing.
They dont care how im feeling.
I am their personal punching bag.
Always downplaying what i did or ignore me completely.
Telling me i shouldn’t go home with them anymore because it is awkward.
They rarely even text me and if they do its just bullying.
They dont want me to participate in anything they do anymore.
They leave me out or leave me behind.
Dropping me when there is something better.
I dont know what happend….
It just makes me depressed… | depression |
Excuse my lack of knowledge, I was just diagnosed (validated lol) last month & I’m working on some anger issues with my therapist, but I wanted to know if it is an ADHD thing? I have intense angry outbursts pretty often, and a lot of times it’s over things I have little to no control over and it can completely ruin my day, and I have a hard time getting out of the “funk”. Anywho just wondered if many with adhd also struggle with anger as a result of emotional dysregulation ? Thanks! *edited to add, I’ve always struggled with angry outbursts, since at least middle school? Probably before | ADHD |
I’ve tried to “combat” my thoughts
They say “Give it time!” “Try harder!” “Be patient!”
But let me ask you this,
If I told you my arms gave me crippling anxiety
Would you ever ask me to learn how to forget I have arms?
To redirect my attention to my legs any time I look at them?
And if I did that, would you then expect me to no longer feel anxious?
Fearful?
Emotionally pained?
No, you probably wouldn’t ever even think to ask me that.
Because, ignoring my arms or looking at a different body part
Would only be ignoring the fact that my arms make me feel like I’m suffocating
I would still be suffocating
So you would never ask me that
But you do ask me to do the same thing with my compulsions and intrusive thoughts
Which essentially isn’t any different
Because for me, my OCD is as clear and visible as my limbs.
So of course I can ignore my compulsions and intrusive thoughts
But I will ultimately only feel more anxiety from trying to completely disregard
Something I see in an overwhelming hue and hear loud enough to make me go deaf
24/7
I need help
I need to learn how to cope
I already know how to run and attempt to hide from the chaos
It get’s me nowhere | OCD |
Hi everyone!
I'm currently undergoing ADHD testing in the US, if I get my diagnosis (hopefully) could I use that same diagnosis to get medicated in Canada? See I'm moving to Canada for a PhD starting on May, and I was wondering if I need to start from scratch to get a diagnosis in a Canadá or my US diagnosis would work? | ADHD |
So I officially got diagnosed with ptsd yesterday after countless sessions. I am also BPD and suffer from OCD. When I questioned my new diagnosis in PTSD, suggesting i might relate to C-PTSD far more. My psychologist stated that due to it not being in the D-SM5 he doesn’t diagnose it. Has anybody found themselves in a similar situation ?? | ptsd |
30 F , I lost my parents at age of 12 but I think at that point I was able to deal with my grief but now it's seems impossible to deal with that inside grief . At 12 I have so many things and dreams to look forward, education, high school , clg and job ...and I achieved everything with bit of struggle but now at 30 I feel empty mostly coz I don't have anybody to talk , I feel alone.
Dating is always been very difficult for me I was in on off relationships ( 2) for short period of times in my 20's but mostly single but now when I see all of my so called friends been "settled" in life with their perspectives , I feel empty myself and depressed...it's seems like world is ending and Falling apart most importantly nothing to look forward.....
I want to have partner but due to my mental health it's seems impossible for me to even talk to anybody from past 2 years ,it like I am stuck inside box and crying for help . | depression |
How do you guys handle explaining your OCD to people? I feel like there comes a certain point in most of my friendships where I feel the need to explain OCD to people since it influences a lot of my behavior and is a significant part of my life.
I try to explain it in detail so people understand that it's not just "I like neat things and I don't like germs", but no matter how hard I try people still don't seem to understand it. It makes me feel really misunderstood by my friends.
Any thoughts? | OCD |
I'm trying to find a therapist again. But I've been in and out of therapy since I was 5 (I'm 23 now). I have a psychiatrist who prescribes meds but I can't take them because all the ones I've tried have made me gain weight or cause sexual issues, and didn't really make me feel better. I can't put up with that.
I already know probably most of the coping skills, they don't work for me. They don't change the way my mind thinks. I feel like there's no help for me. What else can a therapist do? I'm just broken.
Part of me feels like if I lost weight I'd be at least a bit happier with myself. But when I went to a doctor and asked about why I can't lose weight they just said my BMI was normal so I don't have to. That's not the question I asked | depression |
my OCD is so severe i feel like i need to commit suicide, i cant do what i want to do, im transgender and every time i try to pick a name for myself my OCD says this is gonna happen if you choose this name or a weird phsyical sensation will happen etc ....my OCD is so bad and my anxiety goes through the roof....i feel like death is the only way out, i have talked to a therapist and im on zoloft but it doesnt help...im fucked | OCD |
Long story, scroll down if this is too long:
Gay guy with what I believe is OCD (sexual-orientation themed). Initially I was scared that I would turn straight/bi, but now it's the fear that I'm turning/actually am bi (not straight, which I'm glad about). This is the main theme I've dealt with for a couple years already, but I've also dealt with POCD when I was 16 (I'm 19 now). Somehow I've managed to get over that, but not my sexuality-themed intrusive thoughts.
Compared to last year, I feel better, although I still have waves of anxiety which can become intense at times, although not as extreme as last year. I never seeked a psychologist before aside from a short 20-minute discussion with a therapist on-campus at my university shortly before the COVID pandemic. But there wasn't much time and it was more-so telling me to let the thoughts through. I wasn't sure it if was enough though, as I assume that on-campus psychologists work more with typical academic/personal issues (better than nothing I suppose).
Anyways, I still have my doubts here and there. Like I even told myself that "I don't care anymore if I am bisexual or not", but I still feel uncomfortable being around "hot" girls despite ending most attempts to argue off the thoughts in my head/do mental compulsions (E.g. repeating myself saying "Hey how are you?" to a girl in my head until I'm reassured that I'm not straight E.t.c.).
I know if someone is "hot" or "not" (pretty sure anyone can regardless of sexuality), but I still feel unease/anxious messaging or being around girls (including some of my female friends). No, I don't want to experiment with girls (some queer people I've opened up to about this possible OCD have suggested this, but it doesn't really help me either way. I've even called an LGBT-helpline last year and they suggested this + sexual fluidity). But I can't really blame them though.
I do get turned on by straight porn whenever the "SO-OCD" kicks in, but it's because of the guy. I tend to check only when the sexual-orientation thoughts become intense again, otherwise it's gay porn. Sometimes this makes me anxious as it sometimes turns me on more than gay porn, but straight men do watch straight porn (involving a guy) so that's somehow reassuring. There are even times where I don't feel as passionate/horny as I should be during my Grindr hookups or when I see a hot guy and it makes me anxious on if I'm lying about being gay and if I'm really "bisexual with changing preferences".
I also get these grionals (tingling, erections, increased heartbeat, sweating)/anxious-arousal feelings that is talked about a lot on OCD forums/medical pages, which continues to confuse me. Even when I try to think of something sexual about girls in my head, I get grionals and it makes me doubt if it's really worth seeing a doctor or if I'm just bisexual in denial.
IMPORTANT PART IF THE ABOVE WAS TOO LONG:
I've been reading about ERP endlessly and have been trying to apply this in my day to day life. From purposely looking at "hot girls" on Instagram/music videos/YouTube, to hanging out with my female friends, to abandoning the mental "fight off the thoughts" I've done over the years - this is still an obsession that won't go away :(. I even came to the point where I'm like "I don't care if I'm bi anymore, I just want this to end". Despite this, I am reluctant to do anything romantic/sexual with females.
I live in Australia, so I can be referred to the psychologist at a discount with a mental health plan if I go to a General Practitioner (family doctor) first, which is what I've been told considering I have Medicare. My problem is that I don't know how I should bring this up to a doctor. I'm worried that they'll be judgemental and not have a clue what I'm talking about because this isn't the typical "check doornobs/wash hands" sort of OCD. Or they might refer me to the wrong psychologist because it's "an identity crisis"? This is what has been putting me off from bringing this up to a doctor, as well as the fact that my POCD theme went away on its own, so I keep telling myself that "this theme will go away on its own, no need to see one".
Should I say "I think I have OCD, I've been having intrusive thoughts and compulsions over the past couple years" or something like that?
What advice would you give? If you're Australian too, that'd be a bonus too because we share the same healthcare system.
Thank you so much | OCD |
I am a app developer with ocd and damn its hard.... | OCD |
If you track your periods on apps, have you noticed any changes to the length of your cycle?
Mine's usually like 34 days, pretty consistent, but since starting adderall a few months back, it's gotten shorter to like 28 days. Length of bleeding is the same, and the days that I have cramps have reduced.
Has anyone else noticed changes to your menstral cycle since starting medication? | ADHD |
Has anyone tried Cereset for OCD? Just curious, I've seen it talked about for anxiety/depression but not really for OCD, I just wondered if anyone had done it for OCD. | OCD |
MusoMuh ive never tryed that before reaching this point smh 🤡 | depression |
I feel like I'm heading back to a dark place I just feel like I dont have a since of purpose anymore since I left the miliary I feel like I'm going to slip back in to my old vice of drinking I'm craving it I know it will make me feel better now it always has | depression |
This community has been so helpful and I’m so grateful. My OCD got completely out of control this year. I basically lost touch with reality. And as a result I behaved in some ways that I am not proud of. And now my OCD has latched onto those. It’s literal torture. I’ve lost touch with all joy. I keep waiting for everyone to find out what I’ve done and realize that I’m an imposter and am actually a horrible person. As I move back out into the world it helps me to get some perspective but my mind doesn’t allow me to be present and joyful for very long. I keep having this overwhelming urge to turn myself in but I don’t even know what that would look like. Appreciate all of you very much <3 it’s really scary right now. | OCD |
So I've had AD(H)D for a while and lunches have always been a struggle. Creating a good lunch often takes too much time and executive dysfunction gets the better of me. I often suffer from a lack of appetite too since I'm currently on medication. Are there any simple lunches I could throw together to avoid having to buy lunch at the cafeteria or suffer an empty stomach? Even something easy like some animal crackers and some fruits, but I'm struggling to find something that has a good balance. | ADHD |
I was reading an ask Reddit or other community about how your ADHD affects (fucks up) your daily life and checked it out because I've always wondered if my son has it. Instead I found myself relating to so many of the replies. I've been stuck on it ever since, digging around for more information, pulling away then coming back. The video of the young girl veering around till she bumps into something that I saw today? That's me, I do it all the time! Except I'm faster and don't get as many bumps.
The trouble is I'm fucking old, I don't know if i want to ask my doctor as I always start things with my health and then I don't follow through and she knows this. Ive had a requisition for bloodwork that I asked for in April and still haven't gone in, had a bone density follow up last December that I missed and couldn't make myself call them back, stuff like that. I'm afraid to call. What would I say? And I don't match up with all the things mentioned, like overweight or psoriasis etc., I'm worried she might think I'm just nuts. And I actually am a wee bit crazy or 'off the wall'.
Also, I'm wondering about medication, I don't think I'd want to take it so why get a diagnosis? I just want to know. I'm better when I know what I'm dealing with. I used to drink to quiet things down, all the ptsd stuff I carried, plus the constant go round in my head. I quit that 3.5yrs ago and started using pot, it allowed me to think about all the things I didn't want to and deal with them. I'm better, but not there yet. About a year ago I realized I have terrible anxiety, knowing it helps me.
I don't know what to do, but would definitely appreciate any advice. Thanks to anyone who got through reading this! I deleted about a thousand words haha. | ADHD |
Ever since an incident in 2013, I've been steadily getting worse with my PTSD, no matter what help I get or what medications I take, and I feel like it's had a hugely negative impact on my career. Honestly, the only recent one that I felt good in was working as the only female in a security/maintenance combo department at a hospital.
I still strive to be friendly, cheerful, supportive and helpful and polite at work. I was always the type who wanted to make others happy and feel good, but lately, I don't always have the energy I used to. I can't connect anymore...or rather, I feel like an alien or a monster pretending to be human, and they don't want me there.
Pretty much every work place I've been at since 2013 would start the same. People were welcoming and friendly with me at first. I'd be eager to learn; I didn't want to be a burden. But, over time, it would start.
Excluded from conversation. Hissing whispers and derisive looks. Veiled sarcasm. Gossip and insults when they thought I was out of ear shot, and then defaming and bullying.
It was like no matter what I did, I couldn't fit in. I couldn't connect. I could do the job, do it well, but I would always somehow end up the object of abuse and ridicule. It's been the worst at my past two jobs, both being the only ones I've ever requested accommodations in - one being in a desk that wasn't blocked in on all sides, and one for my service dog at my current job.
At both jobs, despite this needing to be confidential, it got around fast. People saying I'm lying because I don't look sick, I'm "not a veteran so I can't have PTSD", and then the lovely comments of "What if she snaps? She's not all there in the head, she's a danger to us."
They over-scrutinize every action I take, complain about everything they possibly can about me. I'm too friendly and I'm talking too much, I'm too quiet and I'm not showing teamwork, I ask too many questions so clearly I don't know anything, I don't ask questions so clearly I'm just guessing, etc and so on.
I'm just losing hope. Every work place has been worse and worse, and I don't know how to "be" anymore. If I'm myself, they hate me. If I'm miss sunshine, hate me. Quiet but polite, hate me. I can't fit in anywhere I go, it seems.
Do others have this problem? Or is there just really something innately wrong and repulsive about me? | ptsd |
I (21m) have trouble to send texts or call at least once a week to my girlfriend who is also high sensitive so she needs the contact. We are in a long distsnce relationship so we dont see each other as often. Its come to the point that its becoming a problem and its affecting the relationship. Im afraid that if this keeps up it will be the end of our 3,5 year relationship.
We primarely keep contact trough text via whatsapp but if anyone has a better way we might consider it.
If any of you have been in a simular relationship or have other simular experiences I would love to hear about it.
Any tips are appreciated | ADHD |
I am planning to go to a psychiatrist after this lock down that's going on to test if I have ADHD. I've been told since a long time ago by my parents before that I have ADHD as an insult because "It seems like I have a metal age 5 years younger than you are and have ADHD symptoms of 5 years younger than you are." I always took this as an insult all the time and kept denying and denying but something in my mind just couldn't let tat idea go. But due to lock down I really can't see a psychiatrist. I was wondering if there is anything I could do to check if I have it before actually going because I really don't have the money on my own to go. | ADHD |
I just can't imagine myself being a real functioning person. it's not that I don't do some stuff myself, I've been fine with school and uni and everything, but I think living at home has made me unprepared for life. not that I think I'll have one, I feel kind of childish imagining my own future. like I'm getting a super cool electric guitar for Christmas thanks to my parents, and I laugh at the thought that I might get to be a decent guitar player. how is that any good for me? I mean in 50 years I'll be just as useless as I am now, so it's really hard to imagine anything being worth it. it's not like I deserve any good anyway though, I've been so useless at anything worth doing, just doing enough to get through because I'm so fucking lazy I can't commit to my own life. and I'm supposed to believe in God, who I've also let down. now I'm gonna be getting my first job at 20 years old and I somehow have to confront complete strangers on a daily basis if I get a retail job. this is supposed to be easy right? I've at least been trying, and dad asks me if I really want a job like I'm a motivated person? nah, I'll just put a few applications in and let everyone else pressure me in to actually progressing my life as usual. I know I'll have to get something done anyway, cos I won't be ending my own life any time soon, but my future is just invisible, like I know I'm gonna look back and realize that memories don't mean much at all? if nothing truly satisfies you, how do you just exist knowing nothings perfect?
if you read all that, thanks. It doesn't matter if anyone replies, I'll be talking to a counselor soon enough, and this rant wasn't worth reading anyway. | depression |
Recently been quite dejected by this subreddit. Disclaimer I don't mean to say this as a blanket statement- I do know the majority are supportive and (hopefully) nonjudgemental. But I get the sense that I will be judged by my OCD content. I am sorry for feeling this way and I think I am gonna get stoned and despised for my opinion.
much love, and have a good day :) | OCD |
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