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Recently I have been noticing a reduction in all sensations both positive and negative. These can range from emotional to physical feelings to the point where nothing exhibits the same effects anymore I.E drinking alcohol, smoking weed, sex/masturbation even being sick I don’t feel the same. When I’m drunk I don’t feel as drunk even though I have drank a ton, weed doesn’t make me feel as good as it did before just more tired and my orgasm intensity is greatly reduced. I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar to this as I am starting to get concerned, I am not on any medications. | depression |
I’m annoyed with myself, today was going well, and I was faced with something I known would trigger an intrusive thought, but it didn’t happen, which I enjoyed, but was confused by. I then kept mentally poking at it until the thought actually happened 😡
So now I feel guilty about the thought, how annoying. | OCD |
i’m in hell, seriously. i need some support. i can’t take this kind of living anymore 😔 | OCD |
How do I know my sexual thoughts aren’t hidden desires? It feels like I actually like them but when I think about it but I’m so anxious I can’t function, nor can I move from how depressed i am. I cant tell myself i don’t want it, cuz i feel like I’m enjoying it. Am i too deep into ocd or is this not ocd? | OCD |
I had this thought today and I thought it would be interesting to hear all your thoughts. My husband has ADHD and I have ADHD with comorbid anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed recently and it has caused me to look back and reevaluate lots of aspects of my life, most recently it’s made me wonder if we should ever have kids. Would you have kids if both you and your partner had adhd? Would you consider it unethical to potentially make your child’s life harder than it has to be? Do you have any experience with raising kids when both you and your partner have adhd? I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts. | ADHD |
10:30pm I guess but it will probably stay this way until midnight
I can’t sleep because of side effects of my meds. I didn’t have this problem at all at this dosage before (i had a week break) but now I can’t sleep, I get a high heart rate after meds wear off and generally feel really shit. I just want to be able to focus and be able to sleep but I can’t have both.
I don’t know what to do. Idk if this is some side effect that will go away or what. Maybe this is just something my body needs to get used to again but how should I know that?
I really really wish I didn’t need medication but I do. I’m so sick of worrying about my heart rate and sleeping and everything. It was going so well for 2 months, a magical pill that solves all my problems, no side effects, I even stopped getting headaches when coming down! But now I got my dosage increased (or at least tried to) and I guess I didn’t take meds for a week cause I got married and even my dosage before the increase taken in the morning doesn’t let me sleep. Wore off at 1:30pm, raised my heart rate until 7pm and now at 10:30pm I’m feeling absolutely exhausted and barely conscious but not at all sleepy. The 4 hour pill is still causing problems 13+ hours after taking it. 10mg methylphenidate a dosage a friend of mine called “piss-low”
I feel so hopeless. I just want the effect I originally had. It was amazing. I could even sleep without issues. | ADHD |
they probbably dont like it that ive been isolating myself from them but idc. why should they hang out with a worthless pos like me anyway?
i should just dissapear from this world so they wont have to worry about me anymore. | depression |
Can depression cause you to entertain your intrusive thoughts? Like for brief periods instead of being revulsed by the thoughts you feel hopeless and the thoughts just linger in your head for a few moments and you entertain them, like “ yeah, what if I did that?” And then they eventually go away.
That’s happened a time or two and when I snap out of it it will bring tremendous guilt/a foreboding sense that I will eventually act out in my theme -makes me feel like am evil etc. | OCD |
Like many, I was laid off my job in March and my store ended up closing completely, for good. During June I took a part time job because unemployment ended for me and I needed something. It was a basic job at Target where I did the walking around the store all day and putting sometimes extremely heavy things in the cart to bring to people outside who ordered their stuff for curbside.
August I had a major seizure and a lot of other issues, so I ended up quitting that Target job anyway. Walking several miles per shift and carrying around gigantic TVs wasn’t working for me as we found out I was severely anemic and had really messed up blood work. My shifts were actual hell at this point, if you’ve ever been extremely anemic having to do any sort of manual labor it isn’t fun.
Got a desk job in mid October after being unemployed again for two months. Now, I am fantastic at this job and I’m genuinely *comfortable* there because I can do my job, I’ve learned how to interact with clients and other employees, I’m just genuinely comfortable which is more than I can say for most other jobs I’ve had.
Now it’s mid January. I am feeling extremely morally averse to my job. It’s at a property office and the owners of this place are awful (to tenants, never to me). Your heat went out in the Chicago winter? Fuck you, wait two weeks. You have no water? Eh forget sending anyone over there. Just deal with it until you break down. Our tenants are very poor and mostly minorities. The owners HATE them. I have all these screenshots of our group chat in which the owners rant, saying “these goddamn lazy stupid ungrateful people. They’re all liars and they’re all horrible.” Etc etc., like verbatim they say that stuff constantly.
Saturday was a breaking point. I have to deal with the angry tenants. Yep, me. My one good manager is on a long vacation, and my two other coworkers do NOT know how to deal. They’d crumple. So I am taking dozens of complaints per day, screaming tenants, unhappy people. And of course i GET why they complain. No, you shouldn’t have to wait a week for heat. That’s wrong. The only reason we’ve not been sued? These people could never pay for a lawyer. Not one of them.
Anyway I started applying. I have a great resume. I have worked customer service despite being autistic and I have become genuinely good at it. I was called Monday for a phone interview. Lasted a good 40 minutes and the guy was impressed so tomorrow I have an in person interview.
And I’m just... nervous. I’m nervous to start something new and mess up my routine. This job will pay me DOUBLE what I am making at LEAST, first starting out. It’s salaried and not per hour. I will make commission, I have a chance to become a higher up and of course, raises.
I am just so... confused. I am a sucker for routine and for things that I am complacent with but I feel morally wrong (though obviously content physically) being at my current place. I know, how can I feel wrong AND right at the same place? Let me tell you it’s possible.
Edit oh and this job offer has literally every benefit imaginable. I’m going to turn 26 in like 9 months... and I’ll be booted off my parents’ insurance. Current job offers no benefits. | aspergers |
So I've been depressed for about 3 years now. I hate it. I don't want to feel this way anymore as it's getting in my way on everything I want to do. I feel so tired all the time, I space out all day and I can't even pay attention to class. I feel numb and my head feels heavy. I can't get myself to do the things I'm supposed to do and that I want to do. I usually have suicidal thoughts but nothing too big, it's just like a momentary thing that goes away pretty quickly.
I hate how I am right now. People might say: "Why don't you do something that you enjoy?". I do it all the time, I stay in my bed all day on my phone either listening to music or social media. And I just do that every day. (oh well, who doesn't?. but I hate that I do it). It's the only thing that makes me "happy". But yet, I'm never happy. I get bored so easily and can't find the motivation to continue things.
I try so hard to lift myself up like dancing or singing. It helps with the headache a little but it always comes back. My family keeps telling me that I'm so lazy but I can't help myself. I can't bring myself to do something "productive" as I can't. I don't know what to do. I'm always delaying stuff and procrastinating. Even right now I should be doing some homework yet I'm writting this stupid post on reddit.
Nvm just got a pentakill on a game, feeling great time to use this small hapiness on working lmao.
Am i bipolar? help | depression |
Hey y’all
I’ve had ocd for the past 14 years, but just got diagnosed last year. I have good and bad weeks but I’ve noticed my symptoms have improved a bit when I picked up playing the guitar again.
Definitely not substitute for therapy or medication, but it’s a great tool to have in my tool belt fighting this beast. | OCD |
I feel like the people that matter most to me I can’t stop what happens To them I feel guilty I’m so close to being able to stop it but I can’t. It’s my fault just a could have just held them for a moment longer and it would have stopped my internal suffering. Is it really my fault or am I just an idiot. | depression |
i just recently started dating again, and the guy i’ve been seeing just experienced my first really bad day. i need some recommendations to give him so he’s able to educate himself and realize what i’m actually going through. | ptsd |
fuck me i wanna fucking die dude my sisters dog is over here and whenever the dog is over she sleeps in my moms room, but when she brought the dog up she didnt know my door was open and the dog went in i know the dog was in my room for a total of like one pico second but that doesnt fucking matter to my ocd now i gotta clean all my fucking sheets over again even though i just fucking washed them today so fucking pissed i feel so bad for my mom because i just kinda sounded really annoyed at her but it aint her fault. i really wanna fight it but animals like dogs are one of the few things i cant fucking handle in my room i dont know what to fucking do | OCD |
I most definitely have adhd, I’ve been diagnosed and I’m on meds and everything.
I just wonder sometimes if I’m overreacting and I never really had adhd and now I’m on meds that I’ll become addicted to and I’m ‘blaming’ things on something that doesn’t exist. Anyone else ever worry about this? How do I stop worrying? Are there any ways that would help confirm undoubtedly that I have adhd? I’ve been feeling quite pathologized lately, having been diagnosed with multiple things at age 17 and having just come out of a voluntary psych ward, I think this may be where it’s coming from? | ADHD |
I had my first EMDR session a few days ago and I'm not sure what to think. Has anyone else tried this? What was it like for you? Did it help? | ptsd |
I'm slowly giving up on trying to do anything with my life... Basically grew up in a drug house most of my life. Brother was a heroine addict and caused drama damn near 24/7, did practically everything drug addicts normally do... Lie, steal, guilt trip, treat you like shit you name it. My moms bf at the time was an angry alcoholic and also caused drama she ended up leaving him though (thank fucking god). But then a few years later after we got kicked out of our house and moved into an apartment she ended up dating another one. And the next guy was also a meth head. after my brother got out of rehab shit started right back up again and it got worse.. Was verbally abused a lot growing up & on rare occasions physically.. Got called practically every name in the book by my family & they guilt tripped me a lot and on seperate occasions both my mom & brother threatened to send me into an insane asylum when I've done nothing to them. I was just simply existing and minding my own business trying to stay away from the bs by locking myself in my room. All my life i was treated like an outcast never fit in anywhere barely have any friends & whenever i try to include myself into any group i get shut out of it all the time. My depression got so bad i ended up dropping out of high school cause i couldn't focus. And all throughout that time the only person who really seemed to care whether i was actually okay or not was my dad. My dad tried to help me out by getting me out of this hell hole but my mom & brother of course guilt tripped me a lot and talked me out of it idk why i listened to them... Everyday i regret it. I guess i was afraid of change. Ended up pushing my dad away cause i was just so stressed out over everything going on because of all the bs i was dealing with between school and worrying about if i had a home or not to go back to after school. A few years after i drop out i found out that my dad was dying, i wanted to visit him i really did but we lived in seperate states and neither of us had much money. I couldn't visit him as much as i wanted to cause i was more worried about my piece of shit brother turning our apartment into a drughouse while my mom and i visited him. He's been dead for 4 years now and the guilt i feel towards my dad hurts so fucking much to the point where i break down damn near every night. My depression & guilt i feel towards my dad has been getting really bad this year & i almost killed myself 3 times. I was a 24 year old jobless high school drop out shut in still living with mom and the guilt i feel towards my dad was driving me insane. After the first suicide attempt i realized how bad my depression was getting and ended up applying for a job at a restaurant my friend works at cause he was a supervisor & his roommate was the hiring manager. Been working there for about 5 months now and I'm apparently doing really good there but it all just feels like petty compliments because i mostly been treated like shit my entire life. Been working so i can try to save up & get my shit together so i can make up for lost time but it feels like i can't cause I'm the only one between the 3 of us that has an actual income between my job and ssi & my "family" treats me like I'm there own personal pot of gold that they can suck money out of whenever they want or some bullshit. And lately my brother has been having really bad schizophrenic episodes and causes more drama. It's honestly getting to the point where i just don't care anymore. | depression |
Hey everyone,
I have OCD since i was young, there where always things bothering me from not having a girlfriend to being a virgin until a late age etc etc. But i started working at a daycare and boom i got POCD, at one point so bad that i 100 procent thought i was a pedo.
Finally after a lot of help from a therapist, psychologist, sexologist and medication i knew i was not a pedo. But the chapter is still not finished...
For some reason i still feel bad when i feel something down there when im playing with children or when they are hugging me but when i feel something around boys i don't care but with girls i still do even tho when it doesn't happen 10 times but then it does 1 time and i feel bad and it keeps being in my head all the time...... it still makes me miserable.
But yeah the penis is just a muscle right? that sometimes responds to things or sometimes out of nowhere.
SO DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TIPS FOR JUST LETTING IT GO WHEN I FEEL SOMETHING DOWN THERE AND STOP MY STUPID BRAIN FROM REMEMBERING IT ALL THE TIME!!
I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT....... | OCD |
Do any of you struggle with angry outbursts as well? Mine are almost always [98%] in private. Normally I am not an angry person. As my PTSD has escalated to it’s worst severity in recent years I’ve developed an anger inside of myself that makes me really uncomfortable.
When someone says something really nasty to me (like today when I was walking my dog), it feels like someone has shaken the bottle inside of me and it implodes inside of me like a volcano. It freaks me out because like I said, I am not usually an angry person. I go from placid and chill to in a rage in a matter of seconds.
Luckily this doesn’t hurt anyone because they aren’t directed at other people. Mostly I just yell by myself.
It’s really exhausting to deal with and after doing some research I found out that the cause of angry outbursts is actually high anxiety, which makes more sense in my case. People with PTSD are high anxiety since it’s a stress disorder, and that is actually the root cause of the anger. I realize that it should make me feel better, because I’m not actually a hateful a**hole, but it doesn’t.
They’re getting harder to deal with as time goes on and nobody I’ve asked for help with has taken it seriously. I want them to stop but people know I have a problem and exploit it to hurt me. They may not realize how much it hurts me, or they just don’t care.
Do you have angry outbursts too? Has it been challenging to overcome? Is it possible to overcome? Is it a matter of medication? Do we really have no choice but to be drugged up???
It sucks. I hate existing this way. I’m not actually crazy, and I hate feeling like this will never get better. | ptsd |
I’ve struggled with anxiety in some form or another since I was a child. And a lot of it stems from the relationship I had with my father, who never seemed to think I was good enough. I never use to be like this All I wanted was my father’s validation, but it never came. | depression |
I wish that I never found masterbation as a kid. It’s completely ruined who I am as a person and makes me depressed constantly. For example if I am stressed or anything like that a go and masterbate to make it go away like the pathetic fucking loser I am. I used to talk to people at school and be social but porn and shit has fucked up my mind that I have no friends and no one to talk to. I am probably never going to get a girl, and I’m in 11th grade. Can’t even talk to a pretty girl without stuttering or looking at random shit except for her. I fucking hate my life. I wish people could realize that masterbation is almost as bad of a addiction as any other drug addictions and etc. | depression |
If I’m not completely focused on something, I have this background noise of unhelpful thoughts. And they switch out like a fucking flavor of the month club. Last month was the fear that any behavior my loving boyfriend did was a disguised sign that he’s gonna break up with me in two years. It was oddly specific. These last few weeks, it’s a steady stream of “you’re a bad cat mom. Your pets deserve better. You suck at taking care of animals”
Logically I know that’s not true. But does that stop them? Nope. It’s worse in this moment because I’m out of town for a week and my friend is checking in on them once a day but I still feel guilty for leaving them alone.
The thoughts don’t stop. I’m trying to use acceptance and commitment therapy but it’s hard. In this moment.
Idk if I have ocd (another obsession) but felt like I could get some support here.
Thanks for listening. | OCD |
(Apologies if I have picked the wrong flair)
Hi, I was diagnosed with ptsd 18months ago, but also some other things, and started on new and much better medication. I’ve kind of been ignoring the ptsd part of it since then, put it in the too hard basket, but recently I’m trying to accept it and face it. I’ve been wondering if actually some of my problems could be symptoms or related to ptsd. My ptsd is related to sexual assaults in childhood and adulthood. My new medication has helped with nightmares and sleep, but I think these other things are more difficult to fix.
Symptoms:
- I used to be happily sexually active and confident, but for the past 3 years I’ve been completely turned off. I now am jumpy even if people try to hug me, unless I have prior warning and am not surprised, even people I love and trust. This really is weird for me and I am angry at myself about it.
- crying often, for no reason or for very small reasons, like watching a video where someone talks about having an illness.
- full body fatigue and aches, I feel like I’ve run a marathon but I’ve done no exercise.
- explosive anger and very sensitive to any kind of criticism.
If anyone has any thoughts, even if it’s just a yes or a no, I would appreciate it. I’m waiting to see my new psychologist and will be telling her about all these things too. Thank you. | ptsd |
I am close to being convinced that I am going to molest a kid someday, but of fucking course not because I want. Fuck you brain, fuck me.
Recently, while searching for adult pornography, I came across a video thumbnail which showed what looked like a small girl being groped by two men. I was shocked to my core and of course like an idiot decided to check it. Turns out it was just a woman wearing a child's outfit. I was craving reassurance at this point. So I, like a piece of shit, typed "kids" into that site's search bar. Goal was to check if I felt disgusted or not. Nothing came up, of course.
And then it hit me. I searched for fucking child porn. The thing that I swore I would never do. Initially, I tried to reassure myself by saying that it was just a compulsion and happened in an unstable state of mind. But that only made it WORSE.
"What if my mind gets similarly unstable when I am alone with a kid, and I end up molesting her?"
For context, my fear involves quickly making my sexual part touch a kid's rear when she's asleep, either by being in an unstable state or convincing my unstable state of mind that it's alright since it's quick and the child is asleep. I know this is totally disgusting and delusional, but fuck me I guess. I can't stop convincing myself that I will convince myself.
And just as I finish writing this, I again don't feel like I will actually do it. Not because of some logical explanation, but because my retarded brain just feels like that now. Well, what if I find myself with a kid alone when my brain again feels convinced that I will molest. Will I? I want to smash my brain. It's the shittiest piece of shit. A failure of nature which wants to threaten my own survival. You had one thing to do you shitty piece of meat. | OCD |
Does anyone use a timer that speaks to them or know of something I can use to perform a function to help with staying on task, and not straying away with what I'm doing while working at a computer?
example: I am trying to edit a paper I wrote, which is an extremely boring task. I am using a 50/10 pomodoro timer, the 25/5 doesn't allow me to get anything done. but while sitting at a computer, working on this boring task, before I can get through even a sentence, I keep finding myself opening up new tabs on fb, reddit, yt, amazon, etc. I set a 5 min timer on my fitbit to vibrate to check myself. Are there any app timers or YT videos that perform a function like this w/ vocal prompts?
(side note: I already edited on paper, and am just transferring the edits now, so going analog is not an option) | ADHD |
Does anyone have any rituals before going to bed or thing that have to be an extremely perfect set up otherwise you don’t sleep right at night? The biggest one in my world is light switches. If they are not coordinated to what my brain processes as perfect I don’t sleep and it sucks! | OCD |
I’ve been feeling depressed for about a year or two now and everything seems to be getting worse. my anxiety is so bad now, i’ve stopped going to school completely and have lost almost all of my friends. on the days when i’m saddest i isolate myself from everyone and stay alone. i don’t know how to cope with this overwhelming feeling of sadness, i don’t wanna kill myself but i don’t see any reason to be here anymore. people say that “it gets better” but it never has for me and i’m tired of waiting for a miricale to happen and make everything okay. i have a couple good days before feeling like shit again for the next few months. i don’t see myself leaving this state of depression anytime soon or maybe ever, i don’t want to cause any harm to myself but if anything bad did happen to me then i would just let it. i constantly have a lingering feeling that everybody i love is going to leave me. my own mother has threatened to kill herself because of me and my dad isn’t in the picture. i have nobody to talk to and i’m no good at making/keeping friends. does anybody know how to cope with this feeling? because i want to be better but i don’t know how | depression |
I just got rejected by 12 universities and 6 profession schools.
This is the 3rd rejection I’m facing.
It feels like the whole world is against me having a future. I can’t find a job for years now so i thought getting some low level education would help.
My parents have even stopped helping me with the tiniest things... i asked for one of them to check if there is juice at home so i could pick some up on the way home yet they refused, they said they can’t open the fridge because the baby is sleeping. So then i asked if they could pick some up on the way home and they said no again. It’s like they don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore now that i got rejected.
I’m super annoyed at everything. I’m tired and i have fatigue and I haven’t eaten anything all day since i wasn’t home. I’m too tired to go to the grocery store because i’m too weak.
I really want to die right now. | aspergers |
What’s your dose? I’m working my way up and my psych said to just go up a milligram every three days till the nightmares stop, but I don’t wanna take too much. She either didn’t tell me what the max dose is or I forgot, either way I’ve gotten from one person their psych said don’t go above 5mg and one person said not 10-15mgs. Can’t talk to her until mayyyyybe next Wednesday. Was just wondering where everyone ended up. I’m at 3mg and it mostly works though I still have my bad nights here and there | ptsd |
I don't know was it meltdowns or not, but in my life was ~3 situation when more than 3 person talked to me at the same time during stressing situation, and after 5 minutes of that conversation was making me feeling strange, aggressive and unlogical. Were they a meltdowns? | aspergers |
I met up at his house but it was in the middle of the woods and he was giving me a house tour and he was just casually explaining how I wouldn’t be able to escape. I knew the whole time that he was going to rape me but I stayed (much like I have done in the past in real life) so I suggested we find another girl to have a threesome (it was my plan to distract him with that then we’d both kill him). Again I think this is a metaphor for how I use hyper sexuality to deal with my trauma. The whole time in this dream I was chewing a piece of gum right at the back of my teeth that was too sticky. Like the gum was off or something. I kept having to reach into my mouth and pull it out. Instead of throwing it away I just kept putting it back in my mouth. So I felt like I was basically choking the whole time but for some reason in the dream I wasn’t able to stop chewing the gum. Again this just felt like the perfect analogy for my experiences. The feeling of my physical body and space being invaded. Feeling stuck. Trapped. Suffocating but just hanging onto my life.
In the dream I went on tinder to find the girl we’d have a threesome with. She somehow knew my plan and if it didn’t work she would get raped too and it would be all my fault. So the girl shows up at the house in the woods. We start having sex to distract him. We “kill” him. He actually just disappears. Then the girl disappears. And I’m left in the house of my rapist, alone. Much like how I feel in real like. I tried to do the right thing to escape but much like real life my abusers are free and I’m just trapped in the ptsd.
I can’t even begin to describe how accurate that chewing gum feeling was. The dream was so vivid I felt like I was drowning in real life but instead of water it was a sticky mess. It almost felt like I had loads of hair in the back of my throat in real life and the dream. | ptsd |
I just read this article describing how empathy manifests in autism and discussed it with my mum. The misunderstanding that autists lack empathy is quite common and I found the view on empathy very interesting and insightful.
Here is the link: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1362361319883506
Would be interested in your opinions about it. Do you experience empathy in the way it is stated in the article? Or in a different way? | aspergers |
Literally want to blow my brains out, fade away, cut myself till I bleed out, blast music so I can't hear myself think or drink till I drop dead. I just really want it all to end.
I lack gratitude and motivation. i struggle to appreciate what I have. I feel really bad and guilty as a result. I could go on and on about how I feel but I'm exhausted rn. Im tired of feeling this low almost everyday. It literally drains me. It's exhausting. idk wtf to do | depression |
I go to a school that is known for its intensity in its curriculum. Last term I was doing 30 hours of class a week and even more homework, maybe 40 hours a week or so. This term I have about 25 hours of class a week and probably like.. 30 hours of homework a week. That is, until I just burned out two weeks ago and stopped doing work. I think around thanksgiving I started feeling bad again and when I went home it just got bad. When I came back I had a breakdown where I was crying to my boyfriend on the phone saying I wanted to go home. I don’t get along with the other students and I don’t have many friends out here. I don’t know how the other students can do all this work and get through to the end of the term. I worked so hard to get into this school and now I can’t even do the work…
I feel so much different from the others. Why is it so hard for me to even get out of bed to do my work? Once I start the work I hate it even more. I thought things were getting better. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. | depression |
Throwaway
I’m female, 20 years old. Ever since I was 12 I’ve been on antidepressants, antipsychotics for severe depression and anxiety. My parents are divorced since I was 2. They’ve both been in relationships after. I’ve lived with my mother and majority of my life it’s just been us two living together. My brother lived with my father. My mother was in a relationship when I was 11. We moved in with him. He abused her mentally and physically. I heard everything. I saw the scars. Fast forward a few years later she dated another guy. I had met this guy before, we lived with him when I was around 7. It didn’t last. Last year we got a call that he had hung himself. My father doesn’t understand mental illness. He often calls me a baby or a child and tells me to just suck it up. That it’s all in my head. My one and only serious relationship was with a boy online. It started when I was 14. Went on and off since I was 17. He said he would come to Canada and marry me. We would have an amazing life together and have kids of our own. I was so happy. Everyone around me told me he was mentally abusing me. I didn’t see it. But he wouldn’t let me have friends, he’d get insanely jealous. I wasn’t even allowed to go over to my female friends house, and when I did, he’d get super angry. He controlled everything in my life. Got upset when I went to school and didn’t stay home to talk to him. Eventually he left me for one of my other friends online. I begged him to stay, I had never felt so broken. He didn’t. He’d say awful things about me.
The anxiety and depression got so bad I couldn’t go to school. By this time, I was in grade 12. Every time I walked in the school, I had a panic attack. Couldn’t be around people. I tried online school, I couldn’t do it. It was too difficult without a teacher. I still haven’t graduated. I’ve never had a job- it’s hard to leave my house. I can’t drive. I can’t cook. I can’t do anything by myself, my mother raised me to be super dependant. 3 years ago she started dating a guy (now fiancée) she previously was best friends with. He was around me a lot when I was a child. I don’t remember much. The meds make me forget most of my life including my school years. First couple years were fine. I eventually got really sick. Last year I developed severe ocd. Contamination ocd. I cant touch anything he has touched. Cant have him in my apartment. My mother gets angry and blames me that she can’t be happy. I’ve tried 3 different meds since then, all the free therapists the government gives me. Nothing helps. They say I developed ocd as I most likely have psychological issues with men because of all the wrong they’ve caused me in my life. My family all acknowledges I need professional psychological help. They don’t have the money for it. My mom is on permanent medical assistance as she has severe stage 4 endometriosis. My dad lives with his girlfriend who has kids, they can’t afford me or take me in either. My grandparents just want to live a chill retired life. They don’t want me. My brother lives in a different province.
This takes me to why I need to get out of here, though I have no place to go. Last night my mom got upset with me and said “she wants her life back”. She’s sick of my mental illnesses and says she’s going to have her fiancé over. She acts like she forgets that I nearly starved to death last year, literally days away from starving, because I was too scared that what she cooked was contaminated because she was around him. The ambulance was called at my therapists office because he saw that I could barely stand up. I was shaking really bad. I was extremely malnourished. I wasn’t able to shower for the same fear that she contaminated the shower. Again last year my mother called the police on me because I said I didn’t want to live anymore after she had threatened our relationship if he doesn’t come over. She said that she wouldn’t watch movies with me anymore or be around or spend time with me at all (which really affected me because she was like my only friend. Don’t have barely any irl bc of my anxiety to leave the house and she knows this). Everyone I do talk to says that she emotionally abuses me so bad. I have a video of her saying that our relationship “is nothing now anyways”. This week she said she was going to lock me out of the fridge for getting a piece of balongne. She said that I have gluten on my hands (she has celiac) even though I didn’t even touch anything with gluten, and she said that I’m probably the reason why she’s been sick this past year. She wants to move in with her fiancé, and I’m the one holding her back. She always makes sure to let me know that I’m the reason why she can’t have happiness in her life. She makes me feel like I’m just a roadblock. And so much more.
So when the police were called they came into our small apartment - 4 men. They forced the blood pressure machine on me even though I was crying telling them it’s contaminated. They told me to grow up and act like an adult. They told me that since they’ve been called twice now, that next time they’re called they can put me in handcuffs and arrest me. It traumatized me so much. The self harm last year was out of control.
Since that year I’ve gotten so much better by myself since my mother had been cooperating with me, giving me time to get better before she has her fiancé over. I don’t wear gloves inside my house anymore. I can eat. I can shower. I don’t self harm. I’ve been socializing online a lot. However last night when she said she was going to start having him over I’ve fallen into some of the same habits. Haven’t really been eating. Been super depressed. Been crying and shaking all day. I’m scared it’ll be as bad as last year - probably way worse if he comes over. He’ll contaminate everything just by being in here. I’m so scared. I won’t be able to leave my closed room. I’ll be too afraid to eat or drink anything in fear of it being contaminated. I’m so so scared. Can’t stop shaking. Threw up after I tried to eat something. Last year I nearly died, I don’t know what worse entitles. I’m scared. I made so much progress. I don’t want it all to be shattered. It will all be for nothing if she has him over. She won’t let me get psychological help first either before she has him over. She says she can’t afford it and she’s waited long enough.
Shaking while typing this. Feel really sick. Stopped talking to my friends. Stopped doing anything except sitting in my room crying. She keeps threatening me that she’ll call the police again if I don’t start eating. She says they’ll arrest me this time. But I feel so sick. I’m so scared. No one can afford help for me. I can’t do anything. I’m stuck. What do I do? I have psychological issues with men yet my mom is going to bring a man in the house. I’m so scared. She doesn’t care. I’ve tried reaching out to him personally and our family. No one cares. They all think I’m being irrational. And that my mom “deserves happiness too”. They don’t understand. No one does. And I’m trapped. All I am is a roadblock. No one wants me. No one can take me. I’m trapped in this “home”. It used to be the only place I feel safe, now it’s the scariest place. All I do is sleep because it’s the only time I’m at peace. I cry every time I wake up because I realize I have to face this hell. I’m trapped. I’m scared. I have nowhere to go. What can I even do? I can’t drive to get out of here. I can’t do anything. Can’t get a job to afford professional psychological help for myself. I’m stuck. And it’s so so so scary. What can I even do? | OCD |
I’m just at a point where I don’t even want to eat anymore. No home, no one to really turn to, nothing. All I can do is just continue school work, but I’ve just given up on that too. I might not stay like this forever, but for now, I’m done. | depression |
So I was subjected to repeated rapes and assault by my ex-boyfriend and his friend. I called the police, pressed charges, police let them go. Him and his friends harassed and terrorised me for years until I eventually had to leave my home town.
Last year I got in touch with another woman he raped. I knew because he’d told me about her. I knew he broke his ex-girlfriends ribs, I don’t know her, I don’t know her surname and I can’t find her. I suspect there’s many more but after becoming socially isolated I can’t get anyone to tell me where she is.
A few months ago yet another woman contacted me saying he’d assaulted her a year ago. I encouraged her to go to the police but didn’t force the issue as I knew from experience how traumatising it is. I also felt responsible for it happening to her too because maybe if I could of handled things better he would’ve gone to jail but I know logically without any of the witnesses (his friends) willing to co-operate with police they won’t do anything.
I don’t blame the other women for not going to the police at all, it does however make me feel very isolated. Lockdown is just ending in my country and I was not only upset to know he’s gotten away with it again, our “friends” witnessed him assaulting another woman and bullied her into keeping quiet. I’d already told everyone we know about what they did me, I’d posted about it on Facebook, I’d tried to find the other victims. It’s not a secret what happened but I’ve been so slandered and smeared no one seems to believe me.
So I thought the best way to try and warn people about what was happening was to send an anonymous message. Purely stating the facts without emotion, this man has assaulted numerous women, it’s still happening and his friends are bullying victims. I said if there’s anyone else this has happened to please contact us, I left links to local rape crisis support if they didn’t want to talk to me. I did not mention the names of anyone specifically, the whole point was that the message was anonymous so they couldn’t single any one person to attack. I thought well I’m the only person who ever talks about it publicly so if they’re going to single someone out it will obviously be me right?
Wrong. They went after the woman who most recently was attacked, their friends started calling her up calling her a liar even though she has never accused anyone directly and only a few close friends know what happened to her. They also started harassing a woman who’s setting up a charity to support victims of rape and assault in our city. I honestly didn’t expect that to happen, maybe I should’ve done. Really it kinda proves my point - they do this then get their friends to harass and intimidate us. I just want it to stop, I want to keep other women safe, I wanted to find the other victims and tell them they’re not alone.
Now these two women are really mad at me for doing this. They’re saying I betrayed her trust but I didn’t think just saying “it’s happened to someone else recently” would be putting such a target on her back. No names were mentioned except our abusers, I made no allusions to anyone’s identity at all but they’re saying I mentioned her by name which I did not. I’ve apologised profusely but at the same time I don’t really know what else I could’ve done. It’s hard for me to stay silent, I can’t pretend I don’t know this is still going on. I feel like if I sit back and do nothing it’s my fault when he destroys the next girls life and the next and the next. I don’t expect the other women to feel the same as me, I understand they just want to keep quiet about it and try to move on but I can’t. Every time I see me or another victim being slandered and harassed it brings it all back. I understand there’s no hope of justice, I just wanted people to know this was going on in the hope it might keep someone else safe. I just can’t sit back and do nothing but now I feel responsible that now these women are being harassed because of what I did. | ptsd |
so ive been diagnosed with ocd for 4 years now and ive been experiencing hyperfixation-like periods where i just obsess over a certain topic/games/shows for months at a time, talk about it to all of my friends who eventually get sick of me talking about it constantly, and afterwards want nothing to do with it and drop it like its nothing. my friend who has been diagnosed with adhd told me after i told her this that this is something she experiences heavily and that it possibly could be linked to adhd. i cant tell if this is an ocd thing or i possibly might have adhd, has anybody else with ocd experienced this and is this like, a normal thing? or is it something im just not diagnosed with? im just a bit confused since i havent heard much about fixations within the ocd community. i know its kind of common for people with ocd to also have adhd but im just wondering since im going to the doctors soon and its something i could bring up lol. | OCD |
Anyone ever broke a bone it keeps freaking them out bc it’s not ever gonna be completely “perfect” how it was before? | OCD |
I see others just conversing about stuff but there’s nothing substantive in what they are trying to say. It’s just a back and forth exchange between two people. I feel that my emotional or right brain hasn’t developed really well so I only think rationally. It’s almost as if I will have to learn what emotional intelligence is as like a second language or a course. Is anyone else’s like this? When someone says a joke you analyze what the answer is going to be instead of just going with the flow. I rarely say “I don’t know” but try to logically figure out the answer. It’s like I’ve decided that I can’t be wrong. | aspergers |
So I thought it was because i havent been able to talk to my bf for 4 or 5 days but i talked to him today luckily but im still constantly crying. Like its so strange i have to wait two more days to talk to my psych any support is helpful... | ptsd |
First off, let me give you guys a bit of background, hopefully I don’t make this too lengthy.
I’m sure I’ve had ADHD my entire life, and through it all it’s gone untreated because my parents were immigrants and didn’t really think about these sorts of things as they were raising kids.
I’ve always had a tough time reading for long periods of time, or sitting still, or even listening to someone talk, because I get distracted by their face, or start watching their mouth, basically anything that makes it hard to pay attention to what they’re saying.
When I first started college, being around a lot of people who felt this way, I was encouraged to seek medical help and so I made an appointment with a doctor and had a terrible experience in where she was just belittling my struggles, so I never followed up and didn’t go to another one again.
Fast forward a few years, I’ve started a decent career but I’m still the same person, struggling every day to stay focused, stay on task, try to declutter my life, and it just was not getting better. So I once again decided to give another psychiatrist a try.
The very first visit, he starts asking me about my habits, and every time I tell him something, he has what he believes is logical answer to it.
For example I told him I tend to get off task a lot, and even when attempting to read a book, I start thinking about something else at the same time as I’m reading, so I get to the bottom of a page and have no idea what I’ve read. He tells me I may have a reading disability, and that me getting off task is probably do to me not having organization skills.
That’s just one example I can think of, but basically he belittles my daily struggles and makes me feel like I’m just being lazy or something. I’ve gone 3 times now, trying to give him a chance. He’s prescribed Concerta and increased the dosage, but I’m not noticing any beneficial effects, only a loss of appetite.
I just want to feel a bit more normal. I want to be able to read a book without losing my focus after 10 mins. I want to be able to start a task at work and concentrate on it until it’s finished and not lose my train of though every time I hear something or I get an email and I open it, then I get on the internet to search something I randomly thought about, or remember a tiny piece of song lyric from 10 years ago, then try to find it, or get in my car and forget why I’m in my car or where I had planned to go for a minute.
What should I do? What can I do? | ADHD |
I have no one to talk to. And anyone I try to talk to about it will just make it about themselves or legit just not care. The f'd up part is if I decided to "check out", those same people would probably claim how they didn't realize I was mentally ill or wish there was something they could have done. Trying to navigate this world as a bipolar person is just fracking exhausting. I just walk around pretending to be okay because I know no one cares. So I'm just going to sit here and cry while I work because what else can I do? I still have bills to pay. | depression |
im simply not here. what you see hear and feel is not me. the truth is that i havent been here for some time. im not sure where i am at the moment but a part of me is lost. things are still getting worse as i am incurring trauma every day that i can not runaway from. im losing my grip on the past, ive lost all sight of the future and im going numb to the present. everything feels void of emotion and matter-of-fact. my dp/dr is flaring up but there is no fear this time, only numbing acceptance. but there are times when i have a breakthrough of sorts and can feel things again if only for a brief second. what a fucking rollercoaster. idk.... thanks for listening
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IM SO FUCKING BROKEN | ptsd |
I like if I don't talk about it
It won't be true. I will live a lie.
How do I get what I actually want, not obsessively think I want? | OCD |
I feel as if my ability to just let myself live out my suicidality and self harm isn't allowed by my partner. I'm not looking for validation of the harming, that's not what this sub is for, but I don't know how to navigate the feelings surrounding it and my partner's reactions.
He's roughly the same age as me, and we've had some similarities in terms of mental health issues. Both of us dealt with coming out as gay, both of us struggle with depression, etc. But I struggle knowing that for him it's all in the past. I think he's mentioned that he self harmed for a little bit when he was a teenager, but his scars have healed, and while neither of us will ever be properly free of our mental illness it looks like the suicidality is mostly behind him.
But for me, it's present. Even when I'm taking all my meds properly, it can still come back. The hypomanic episodes are controlled, I haven't had one since starting the latest med cocktail, but the depression crashes back in. And my partner is devastated every time he comes home to find out I've self harmed. It's so much more of a big deal for him than it is for me. I don't know how to explain to him that while sometimes it is serious a lot of times it helps me focus on staying present. None of those grounding techniques my therapist gives me work for me, but if I'm having a really bad day I can self harm, clean up, then play Mariokart or read a book or something. But to him it's something huge, and any reaction he gives leaves me feeling like he's making it about him even though hes not, he's just reacting in a pretty natural way to finding out your boyfriend hurt himself.
I don't know. It just feels like he's so far ahead of me in recovery, but other times I know that's not true because he can't leave the couch. Which just means that he's forgotten what it's like to need to self-harm, forgotten that it's not always the deepest, darkest point one reaches to do it. And the problem is that it only leaves me wanting to do it more when he reacts like this, but I feel trapped, knowing that I'll have to watch him try his best not to react but he can't really hide the way he gets the shakes or tears well up. And the last thing I want is a hug, but it's what he needs at the time to calm down.
I hate feeling trapped, I hate feeling like someone is making their mountains out of my molehills. But what can I even do? He's only human, and can't stop himself from reacting that way. And I wouldn't want him to, I hate it when he stifles things (and he's, um, not very good at hiding his emotions even when he tries his hardest.) So I guess I'm stuck. | depression |
Hi, I'm u/dontknowbilliejean and I have ADHD. I'm having some issues currently that I'm hoping someone in this sub might be able to relate to and give me their thoughts on.
First, a little bit of my background. I'm like a lot of adults who should have been diagnosed much earlier but wasn't because it was the 90's and everyone seemed to think that kids only had ADD if they had levels of stillness on par with a bouncy ball. As it happens, mine is primarily inattentive with a big fat side of emotional dysregulation (we'll come back to this in a bit). Many long nights staring at math homework at the dining room table, unable to visualize the problem I'm trying to solve in my head make a lot of sense in hindsight.
I received my first "formal" diagnosis at 24 which consisted of my primary physician telling me "yep, you probably do have ADHD but you've learned cope with it so it's all good." It was not all good. He was an asshat. I didn't know that until I started reading up on ADHD myself a few years later.
I received my second formal diagnosis at 28 when I finally built up the resolve to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had no idea what I had been missing. He put me on a regimen of Vyvanse and Guanfacine and it felt like being able to see after being practically blind for my entire life.
Now to my problem. I switched from Vyvanse to Adderal XR (generic) sometime mid-2020. Cost was the driving factor as I couldn't afford the $350+ a month for Vyvanse anymore. From day 1, Adderall XR has never been as good. The longevity is not even close to that of Vyvanse and I feel that it's just less effective overall. My ability to concentrate is still pretty good but the emotional dysregulation has been the difficult part.
Evenings on some days are tough. When the meds wear off I get to feeling depressed and anxious and have a very difficult time regulating my emotions. This was almost never a problem with Vyvanse.
I plan to discuss this with my psychiatrist at our next appointment but I wanted to see if anyone else had experienced this and if you found a solution. Personally, I would prefer to switch back to Vyvanse but cost is still a barrier. | ADHD |
So earlier this year I discovered what OCD *actually* is. I admit, I had no idea until I researched it. Anyway, a lot of what I had read explained what I thought were quirks of mine. Some of the things I just thought were normal. I’m talking back to when I was 4-5. I am 28 now. While I do have the anxiety and perceived threats and such coupled with compulsions, I don’t feel like it’s “enough” to warrant talking to someone because I’ve learned to just accept it. Remember that I thought it was all normal for 24 years.
There are some things I would like to get help with in regards to some of the thoughts I have, but I feel like I’m only after the answer of whether or not it’s actually OCD. So I’ll start analyzing things which will lead to doubting it and then ultimately convincing myself I don’t have OCD and I should let it go. The doubt remains but I can move on with my life if I have other things to occupy my mind. That is until this entire cycle repeats.
I don’t want to waste someone’s time if it’s not necessary. So here I am. Been stuck in this loop since January and I can not make up my mind. Any of y’all have a similar issue? How did you fix it? | OCD |
i saw this tweet today
"it’s called “post traumatic stress disorder” not “military trauma for only people in the military disorder”"
ive always thought when someone was diagnosed with PTSD it was because they were in war or things like that. but when my psych said i have PTSD i didn't believe, i didn't think what i had was bad enough for that.
i wish PTSD wasn't always shown as a mental illness from war | ptsd |
Do any of you have to read a certain amount of comments on a YT or TikTok video or have to go over the like button a certain amount of times. There's so many more examples I could give. I have a bunch of things like this and it makes want to never go on my phone or laptop because it's just so draining but I have nothing else to do lol. | OCD |
Just got to randomly thinking about how few characters in mainstream media I've seen that not only exhibit clear symptoms of ADHD, but acknowledge that they have it and make it clear that they're struggling because of it. Media depictions of other disorders like anorexia and depression are abundant and tend to be pretty empathetic, but of the few times I've seen a character discuss having ADHD, it always seems like it's a punchline at best. The first thing that comes to mind is Mary Scheer (Freddy's mom from iCarly) doing [a piece](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUBkGHug0gY) about having ADD on MADtv a while back, which makes for a few good laughs but makes the most obvious possible joke about having it (not being able to focus in conversations) and doesn't ever go much further than that.
A [self-published list](https://actuallyadhd.tumblr.com/representation) from someone on Tumblr shows that the amount of well-done characters with ADHD is few, and very few of those characters actually invite viewers into the mind of someone with ADHD. The fact that Tracy from *30 Rock* is second on the list (and if you've ever watched *30 Rock*, you'll know why he's not exactly a shining beacon of hope for ADHD representation) is kind of disheartening. There are a few here, like Spinner from *Degrassi* and Bart Simpson, that actually show nuanced, sympathetic, and accurate portrayals of people with ADHD, and [a guy named The Cantina did an interesting video on Bart in particular](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMbiIRePGlo).
But considering the fact that a tenth of all children and 2% of all adults suffer from ADHD, it stands to reason that we should have more characters in the media that show people with ADHD as they are, not just as how we've been stereotyped. It also sucks because the two characters I listed are, obviously, straight white men. Many of my closest friends who have ADHD are women of color, and the insurmountable obstacles they face from a combination of the many setbacks that come with having ADHD *and* not having their mental health concerns taken seriously because of their identity are ones that I don't think I've really ever seen shown on screen.
At the end of the day, I and everyone else who has ADHD is more than their diagnosis, but that doesn't mean it's not really gratifying to see that diagnosis shown accurately through characters that I can appreciate. I want to see the struggle of trying to get an assignment done, sitting down and putting pen to paper only to realize, hours later, that the only "progress" you've made has been for things irrelevant to the assignment. I want to see leaving the house, then coming back after you've forgotten something important, then coming back again because you forgot another important thing, then realizing there's more stuff you forgot but now you have to leave. I want to see how it feels when you inadvertently let your friends down because you couldn't get a hold of the time or your thoughts or your feelings or yourself. I want to see how excruciating it is to try and find the right medication, and to figure out if you're willing to sacrifice feeling more creative and more like yourself in order to have a clearer train of thought. I want to see a character pick up and put down hobbies like I do, and figure out how to navigate that. I guess I just want to feel seen. | ADHD |
Hi all. I’m a (18 F) college student who has been struggling with pretty severe depression for a few years. I also am diagnosed with OCD (not super severe, just childhood patterns and then when I got older, obsessing over the future, my food intake and existential stuff). I’ve never been one to have ongoing anxiety during my day; if I get anxious about something, it’s usually right there and then. Thankfully I don’t deal with day-long anxiety that doesn’t really just go away. Because of that I never regarded myself as having anxiety, just bad depression.
For about six ish months now or so, I’ve been getting this sensation when I am in a stressful situation. For example, my mom and I butt heads on things a lot, so let’s say we are talking about something we disagree on. If she says something or says something in a way that irks me, I get this panic feeling and an overwhelming urge to cry. I get flushed and frustrated, and then I get snippy and short towards my mom. It’s like an angry cry feeling but also a feeling of everything is ruined. That was something I struggled with with OCD, feeling like things get ruined before they start (not typically big things, but like my days, or conversations, but sometimes I get a feeling my mindset has been ruined when someone offers me advice about something). I will say this happens mainly with my therapist and my family, but I don’t ever get snippy with my therapist.
If I get that feeling, I either start to cry and get super frustrated about everything unless I go calm myself down and do breathing techniques or go lift.
Do I have anger issues? Or is this a common symptom of depression or OCD? Thanks for any help | depression |
How do I stop myself from arguing with them? Please help (Socd/self harm ocd) | OCD |
…and if this isn’t rock bottom, then I can’t see past it.
Therapy is expensive. | depression |
I was in a Facebook group for relationships where at least one of the partners is ND. There are both NT and ND members. An ND woman made a post saying that they noticed a lot of hate from NT members towards all ND people. I commented I had noticed the same thing. Lots of comments would go beyond just venting and it made me uncomfortable. My comment was removed almost immediately. I didn’t say anything bad or inflammatory. I said they were silencing autistic voices and I was booted. I’m sad but I don’t know why, it just confirms what I already knew/felt about the group.
I just needed to vent. | aspergers |
Ok so, i have stressed about this once, but it came back worse. It's really stupid but yea ig thats ocd. Ok so i keep thinking like, what if im the only real person or....everything is not real, like i keep telling myself its lies but then i keep asking, "but what if it is like that", like i keep imagining someone else is also sitting there on their phones and stuff, but it feels weird? idk but this is whats bothering me atm. It's like im thinking, everything is a lie and stuff like what if im living a lie. Idk how to stop this. It makes me have panic attacks sometimes. Please help. | OCD |
Does anyone who gets compulsive thoughts about whether or not they’re a good person because of mistakes they’ve made in the past think about if people who genuinely do bad things have compulsive thoughts about what they did? | OCD |
And its profoundly painful. I havent stopped crying since I let myself think the words. I'd rather die than live through this. | ptsd |
Does anyone here with ADHD also have ridiculously long conversations?
One of my best friends has ADHD too and we hung out tonight and we talked for 7 straight hours. We had board games to play, but we just kept talking.
I realized it has to do with the way we both talk. We go on SUPER LONG tangents and tell 6 or 7 distantly related stories before going back to the main point. 4 of those 7 hours we just talked about therapy. 😅
It’s especially ridiculous with the two of us because we don’t mask around each other.
I’d love to hear your stories. Any records for ridiculous conversation length? Or rambling tangents? | ADHD |
Hi, this’s my first time posting on Reddit and I’m not a native English speaker, sorry for the poor choice of words.
I am 15 studying in high school, my teachers are so care about me and one of my teachers even pat my head and I hate that. They don’t know I am autistic but I think they find me weird and need extra care, what should I do?
Thanks. | aspergers |
I've taken treatment for ADHD since I was 6 years old until the age of 14. I'm almost 19 now and is not near as bad as it used to be. However, I think when I was 15-17 it was easier to get things done and study. I would get everything done in the last minute but now I began skipping school a lot and lose interest in things much quicker. I began maladaptive daydreaming which was nonexistent one year ago. Before I could easily finish a series and now I start 20 and finish none since I get bored so easily. When I wake up and not feel like going to school I won't even though it gives me huge anxiety throughout the day because of what the teachers might say. Before it was easier to have a routine but now I stay on my phone all day long. I admit I'd still do nothing even before but at least there were times when it was eaiser to have a routine and do things last minute which now I don't. Can ADHD get worse years after stopping the treatment? I feel very depressed now because of how I'm wasting this time but I can't stop. What should I do? | ADHD |
I was in an online meeting when electrician knocked on door and my manager said go and open the door. I told electrician I m busy, he said I will be quiet and I asked him to enter and start working but now I m ocd what if for the 10 minutes I was in meeting he may have entered my room and touched any of my things. No evidence he even entered the roo. This OCD is killing me. Help or I will be suicidal. Thanks. | OCD |
I have a terrible memory of looking for something disturbing online but I am not sure if I really did this or if I just thought about doing and then gave up. Or maybe I am making this up now.
Diagnosed with ocd and keep looking for reassurance on my past | OCD |
I am in Graduate School in a program that, largely, stimulates me, and I just finished my first semester (yay!). Towards the end, however, it was incredibly difficult and even painful at times. I am very close to the university but it became sooooo hard to get myself to class.
From experience in undergrad, I know that this can get even worse in my second semester. So 1) How do I keep up the enthusiasm throughout the semester? 2) How do I get through my second semester, especially while dreading losing my interest halfway through? | ADHD |
The desk was like $300 and assembly was $125. By paying this much I was expecting the desk to be completely assembled and working after the assembers arrived today but unfortunately, there were some screws missing from the packaging and as a result, a door to some shelves in the desk couldn't be completed. I mean, the desk is still largely functional in the current state but there's always this "itch" in my mind when I think about the part that wasn't completely assembed. The assember was nice and said he can come back again and try to finish assembling the door after I order the screws but I can't help to think about the trouble I have to go through to find the screws that should have arrived in the package with the desk in the first place. Not to mention the fact that it's not available on Amazon Prime and I have to wait weeks for it to arrive. I suppose I could to go a hardware store and ask but that just takes too much time and I ordered everything online specifically to avoid having to go out during the pandemic. | OCD |
Is it just me, or does anyone else feel really apprehensive when it comes to dating and having to let the cat out of the bag? I was really interested in this guy and I told him about my diagnosis. He seemed really supportive and curious about how it affects my life and was very nice but he also ghosted me. I don't feel too bad since y'know, life happens, but I'm worried that I let it out too early that I have PTSD. How do you guys approach this. Obviously PTSD is something huge that you have to tell a prospective partner. | ptsd |
I had an assessment this week. I am undiagnosed but feel like I will be diagnosed soon.
I have a clear social deficit. After the assessment, the therapist explained something very interesting to me.
First she gave me an example: when you are on a flight and there is turbulence, people instinctively look for the flight attendant. Is the flight attendant still up and doing their work with little concern? If yes, then you calm down some. It helps relieve your anxiety.
She then explained that this sort of social ‘check-in’ happens all the time in day to day life. When having conversations with others, there is this give/take of checking in that is just done automatically. No one talks about it because people are social creatures and its just how commutation works I guess.
But for me, I have a very difficult time picking up on this so my anxieties are not automatically calmed down during interactions. I am then forced to try to regulate my anxiety myself, which is hard. After doing this for too long, it becomes too much and I will have a meltdown.
This kind of blew my mind. It makes a lot of sense and I’m still trying to process it.
What do you think about this? | aspergers |
I have a comorbid diagnosis of bipolar disorder and therefore cannot take SSRIs because of the risk of inducing mania. I know SSRIs are the mainstay treatment of OCD (medication wise) so I feel stuck. She put me on Buspar. Has anyone used this to help with OCD? I know she put me on it for anxiety but was kind of hoping it would kill two birds with one stone. Anyone on Buspar for their OCD? What is your experience? Thanks! | OCD |
Hi 21F here. Do any of you ruminate about whether or not your platonic relationships are actually romantic? Like “what if I actually had romantic feelings for this person this whole time instead of platonic?” and just panic? I had this happen with 2 of my very close female friends (1 at the time who I consider like a sister, my brother, dad and some male cousins. It’s honestly exhausting because I keep on telling myself “I love them but I dont like them like that” while getting weird thoughts of dating them or having sexual intercourse with them and it’s disgusting. It annoys me because when I get around the person centered in my theme, I just get weirded out and avoid doing anything my mind may translate into romantic (kisses, cuddling, basic touching, etc.) I may start resenting the person too because I don’t know any way out of these weird thoughts.
I think I might be bi or asexual but right now I’d rather not use a label because idk anymore lol. But I’ve noticed that when I’m really into men, I get the intrusive thoughts about my male family members and when I get into my HOCD themed OCD I get the thoughts about my closest female friends. Its really weird because, in my right state of mind I’d say, I would never engage in these acts with any of these people (or anyone in fact, I’m not interested in sex or dating with anybody; I’m fine with my 4 besties and my family).
Has anyone had this theme before? | OCD |
It was the one year anniversary of discovering my partner’s death. I woke up in the morning, fainted, and hit my head really hard and then had a panic attack in front of my boyfriend of 2 months. Just looking for solidarity :( | ptsd |
My trigger is being near people and I just got out of a mental hospital for 4 days they didn't do anything but give me anxiety meds please does anyone else deal with the same problems? | OCD |
Does anyone have any tips for when you’re seeking your intrusive thoughts or on-guard against them? Lately, I’ll be doing something and my brain will disengage with it and there is this pause and I think “where is that horrible thought you hate?” I think this is technically a form of rumination and its not truly an intrusive thought, but struggling to get past it. Thanks for your help! | OCD |
I live with some family, but I just don't talk much to them, I have no friends irl or online, I'm a neet and getting any kind of job is impossible for me, I'm still trying to get a job with the help of my psychologist. I honestly don't deserve anything good in life, I'm an awful person to others. But I still find myself very lonely and depressed most of the time, I used to have online friends to fill the loneliness but I just messed things up with them too. I wish I could be alone all the time but not feel lonely, but I can't. | depression |
So I get religious and blasphemous OCD and I also have sexual OCD. Now whenever I think I’m doing something or am doing something wrong. My mind will tell me <<it’s the unforgivable sin. You’ve done the unforgivable sin>> and I know it’s not I believe it’s not and I always reject it but my thoughts haunt me and make me think like I really am committing the unforgivable sin and that I may have already and lost my salvation. I know this is almost certainly not true but it’s all that crosses my mind that I have done it or that any sin I do is the unforgivable sin. And sometimes I ignore the thought and go on with whatever I was gonna say or do. But then right after a daunting feeling of fear and shame comes over me and tells me that because I ignored the thought I have committed the unforgivable sin. Have I done it and does this happen to anyone else | OCD |
I keep telling my girlfriend that I love her even though the depression is making me lose my sense of self and I don’t know what I feel anymore. Is this ok?
I told her a while back that I’m struggling but she doesn’t like the idea of me going to a psychiatrist, I get stressed every I talk to her. | depression |
For starter i'm not asking for a diagnosis but I just want to know if someone can relate to this in some way.
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It's difficult for me to talk about this because I've been thinking i'm just a weird quirky person that does weird shit and that's why I rarely talk about it with anyone but I will try to explain to my best ability
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So i've been reading on what OCD is lately and I relate a lot to some of the things but also I don't relate at all to some others that's why i'm kinda confused.
To what i relate to is the "compulsions". I do these a lot, and by that I mean a lot of times. At least I think so ? That's why i'm here I guess, I don't know if my "quirks" can be described as compulsions. For example, I may have this urge to touch the bar space two times in a row, click on a tab multiple times or even put an object down the right way and the number of times it takes so I can ease up. I don't know why I do this I just know I feel good after doing it. When i'm in public, I try as much not to give up to my urge and most of the time it works (if I don't replace one urge with another, less visible). I also have urge to do some actions (for example before going to bed) otherwise i won't be able to carry on (even when i'm dead tired). I do a lot of little things like that, 2 or 3 times in a row (the number of times I have to do something might even change randomly one day).
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So I don't know if it's OCD, if it's a symptom of OCD i simply have, or if it's entirely something else that I don't know the name of but it's really bothering me in my daily life even though no one knows about it (at least not that i'm aware of). If you can relate to this in some way, I would love to hear about it because I've been feeling kinda crazy or weird about it lately, thanks ! | OCD |
As the title states, its been one month today since my spouse passed.
I don't know what happened this past month, feels like one big long day.
Ive been seeing a therapist since before she passed. Yesterday hit very hard, i sat at the table and drank all night. Started to watch the clock and when 12 hit i raised my can of beer and had a toast, there was nobody else awake where i'm living.
She was my beacon in the darkness, she brought me into the light.
I push on beacause thats what she would want.
But i find myself struggling to do basic tasks, to even get out of bed.
Ive got a good support system right now, but i still feel alone alot.
Just needed another vent to internet strangers. | depression |
Man. I got started on Luvox, 100mgs right now. My intrusive thoughts have mostly disappeared, but I developed a rather gross habit that I can’t stop. Nose picking. At first it was just to get rid of anything gross and make sure it’s 100% clear airways. Now I’ve been picking scabs for a week and my nose is constantly bleeding. Anything I can do to stop this? I have some long fake nails… might try that? | OCD |
Lately I’ve been having really mean thoughts about my friends and random people that make me feel so guilty. The worst part is I feel like they’re rooted in reality, just enhanced. I don’t want to be this judgmental person, it sucks. | OCD |
little backstory- i’ve been diagnosed with both ADHD and bipolar. so essentially, my impulse control is …. not the best. i see a psychiatrist and am now medicated, which has helped a lot, but money is still something i seriously struggle with. i have never been great at saving money but the past year or so has been especially bad. Covid forced me to use almost all of my savings on basic necessities and bills. my unemployment came three months late and was barely enough to cover only my rent.
i’m now at a point where i have no savings, credit card debt and am pretty much living paycheck to paycheck. yes, last year was very rough on my finances but i’m also not good at knowing when to stop spending. i’ve semi tried to budget before and it has never lasted long. i’m honestly embarrassed by the situation i’m currently in and i don’t know what to do. i haven’t talked about it with anyone and have had to come up with excuses when i’m asked to go out. to not have to wait for payday to buy groceries and have some type of savings again would be nice- having any amount of money in my savings would make me feel like less of a POS.
i know impulse control and money specifically is a common adhd struggle but i’m not sure how to get around it. has anyone here found a budgeting plan that works well for you or have any tips on saving money when you have a spending problem?
all advice is super appreciated, thank you | ADHD |
I'm basically obsessed with my partner's past. Compulsive googling, jealousy, etc. Of course, being diagnosed with OCD myself (pure O) i understand it is an issue, but any of you successfully beat it?
Any tip is greatly appreciated!
Thank you!! | OCD |
Where do you go when there is absolutely no where to turn? Between my pill addicted mother, my absent father, and the rest of my family being insanely religious zealots I really don’t know what to do anymore. I was raised as a black sheep, got used to it really. Now I have actually started making something of myself, actually trying. I am more “successful” than I have ever been(good job, good money, living in a nice place) but I feel worse than I did when I was on the “bad path” of drugs and recklessness. The only things that are keeping me going are my little sisters( I have 5) and I feel like I am learning that soon they won’t be enough(I hate typing that because they are my sun and moon). I haven’t cared about myself at all for years and years, but the thought of my sisters has kept me going. They don’t deserve to have to deal with their only brother, their only real male figure in their life to give up, but I have. How do I end up caring about myself instead of just going through the feeble motions of life, dotting the “I’s” and crossing the “T’s”. How do I get over feeling like my curse is that I will for some dumbass reason live forever? That I will outlive everybody I care about? How do I begin to want to actually feel meaning in this world, that isn’t reliant on somebody else looking up to me? How do I go on knowing that absolutely nobody should look up to me? How do I go on knowing that my sisters look up to me, when I know that I am truly a pathetic excuse of what should be happening? I am lost. | depression |
ok so… i’m sorry if this is a mess to read. at the beginning of summer i was noticing tiny beetles in the bathroom, very occasionally. i live with my parents and my bf (thanks corona) at the moment and we have been lucky to avoid pests for the most part, until now. as the summer progressed, the bugs grew in size and number. but no one was really bothered. i was convinced they might be bed bugs, which terrified me, so i did tons of research and finally asked reddit with a photo, to which i got a lot of responses that basically said “just a small beetle”! i thought that would ease my mind. it did not.
the bugs are still there. people don’t really notice them, but i find 1-5 every time i go in there. it should be noted now that one of my OCD manifestations is contamination. i spend a lot of time in the bathroom and it’s gotten pretty bad since the pandemic began and has only worsened since the bugs started.
i have to bathe and shower a lot and i obsess over these bugs. all i do is research and try home remedies and search and search and search for where they’re hiding. my hair started thinning and i knew that it was likely bc of something else, but i was convinced these bugs were eating at my hair! i’m constantly thinking “what if they’re living in my body!” And i know this sounds ridiculous, but i swear i even SMELL them.
tonight i was in the shower shampooing and when i pulled my hand away from my scalp, one of the beetles were on my thumb. that was obviously triggering and i washed my hair again and again and conditioned to shit and brushed furiously after.
idk what to do. i need some advice, or support, or maybe just insight? does this seem like OCD or something else? am i right to be panicking about these bugs, even? it’s pushed my mental health and OCD to such an extreme i have never reached | OCD |
I hope you all are doing at least okay today. The week is almost over! It's Friday! ^Friday!
About a year ago I decided to invite automod to our little corner of reddit here, and so far we (the mods) have been happy with it. Automod has helped to improve our response times, and prevented a few instances of doxxing even!
Autmod is also incharge of our two stickied posts (self-help & self-care resources, as well as the survey thread), automatically posting new ones every six months, helping us out, while simultaneously making our lives a little more stressful as automod doesn't unsticky the old posts (at least, I haven't quite figured out how to fix that)
All in all, I'm happy, but there's more that could be done! We've gotten a few suggestions recently regarding automod functionality (e.g. autoresponding to suicidal posts with resources), but we'd like more!
What would you like to see automod do? How do you think automod could increase the quality of our subreddit?
* *Do you think an automatic response with resources to every post with a little bit of info (like in cptsd) would be helpful?*
* *Would you like weekly chillout discussion threads?*
*All hail our automod overlords!* | ptsd |
one of the biggest obsessions i have is about my past mistakes. i hate myself for doing bad things even if it was years and years ago, it’s stuff i just can’t forgive. last night i charged my old phone and saw pictures and videos of myself from years ago and that was enough to trigger an attack where i tore apart both of my closets, my entire room, desks, drawers and next will probably be my bathroom because i can’t see myself stopping until i do it to every bit of junk space i own. i did this to get rid of every single thing i have that could tie me to my past self. any old stuff. i kept a tiny box of important old stuff but i’m not seeming to be able to just stop. i’m already under great amounts of stress this week because i’m trying to get in as much school work as i possibly can to pass my classes, so i’m sure that’s why i got triggered to easily. i feel so overwhelmed. | OCD |
My depression has been extremely bad over the past two months; I’ve been crying everyday almost, lost a lot of weight due to not eating and have been failing at university.
I’m so proud that I cooked myself a meal, it tastes really nice. Hopefully won’t be long till the next one! Hope everybody is doing okay :) | depression |
I'm constantly having conversations in my mind, giving myself reassurance that I'm not a monster etc. Any good ideas to stop this? | OCD |
Hi I got diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and am now on meds for it. I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia at birth too. I was wondering if anyone in the UK has successfully been granted Personal Independence Payments for ADHD in the UK. If so when were you diagnosed? As I feel those diagnosed later in life don't get as much support. But once you have the assessments and realise how much you actually struggle to do basic tasks every day it really makes you question if you're getting the help you need. Btw I only learned to tie my shoe laces last year. But everything else such as cooking, basic hygiene and eating properly are a huge challenge for me. I live in my own flat but I have my mum helping me with various things. | ADHD |
Hi everyone, so it was recently suggested by my friend that I could have ADHD. I just thought I was lazy human but turns out I have an issue focusing.
So I went to see a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and I leave the appointment being prescribed prozac ?????????
I am so confused how will an antidepressant help me focus ? I am on prozac for a month and if that doesn't work then I will try ritalin according to my psychiatrist.
Has anyone else been prescribed an antidepressant for ADHD? | ADHD |
Does anyone else get extremely upset when someone says I don’t know ?
Sometimes my mom likes to move something in the house, and every time I ask she says I don’t know.
Or when someone should know how to do something very simple and they I don’t know how.
And I always have to know the answer, I get upset until I know.
Is common, and how have you learned to let it go ? | aspergers |
I just recently started seeing a new therapist, and after talking about my childhood trauma in addition to my more recent trauma, she said that we should look at CPTSD rather than just PTSD.
I don’t know what it is, but CPTSD seems so uncomfortable to me. I did some reading on it, and watched a few videos to help me understand it more, and I definitely think it fits, but I just get so emotional thinking about being diagnosed.
It has been 2 years since my PTSD diagnosis and, at the time, I felt relieved because it made me feel like I wasn’t crazy. That other people feel like this, too.
I don’t know why it is so hard for me to be comfortable with CPTSD rather than PTSD. I think it has to do with acknowledging how traumatic my childhood really was, but I’m not sure. | ptsd |
I decided in highschool I wanted to be a scriptwriter. It was perfect, as it covered all the bases of what I wanted to do. Write stories whether it be for a movie or a TV show or animation or what not.
But holy shit... actually sitting down to write a script? It's torture...
I will have random moments of creative genius, where I'll write anything and everything except what I *need* to write. I'm currently sitting on the first page of a 10 page script draft that's 2 weeks over the deadline. I feel like I can wing anything else when it comes to this point, but ironically, writing a script is what I can't do. My mind is just blank.
Any advice or sharing your experiences would be highly appreciated. Maybe it'll get me out of this weird creative block. | ADHD |
I know the answer to this probably lies with some therapy and a diagnosis but I'm trying to understand myself better and wanted to see if anyone is familiar with this sort of behavior.
My childhood was not a happy one, my parents were physically violent to me and my sibling, I have ended up being quite mistrusting and isolated all my adult life. I'm finding that I react quite badly to loud noises, doors banging, raised voices but the thing I am really struggling with is that I'm triggered by physical pain. For example, if I hurt my foot or if someone causes my pain unintentionally. My gf was messing about recently and hurt my arm. Now even though I can rationally know that she didn't mean it and it was just an accident, I have often burst into tears when this has happened.
It's like that initial pain then shock at being hurt, I just freeze and then a whole load of feelings come up and I struggle not to react or cry.
I don't know if this is a true trigger and if triggers are only things that can exist alongside a PTSD diagnosis. | ptsd |
Okay, I had a mind blowing conversation with my mom today. To give a little context, I'm 24, I've seen a lot of therapists in my life, (they suspected I had ADHD when I was a kid, therapists had different opinions, it was messy) and just very recently started taking meds for it. They definitely do help, but there's so many things I still don't understand about myself and I don't know if they're all ADHD. I thought they were, but today I started telling my mom some stories about my childhood. Like how I used to struggle so much when people were being sarcastic or metaphoric and only understood years later. For example, when other kids were pretending the big bad wolf was coming (it was a common game where I live) I remember being genuinely distressed about it and thinking the wolf was real. Even when the teachers tried to convince me it was not! And how I didn't make eye contact until a therapist taught me (and how I didn't even know it was "rude") When I told my mom this she said that maybe I do actually have asperger (she has worked with autistic children before)
Which is something my family joked about (not in a mean way) because I'm like, so picky and rigid. Like, they can't understand why I always get the same ice cream flavors or food. I told them I felt like "I do autistic things sometimes", (I'm sorry if that sounds offensive, I don't know how to explain it) but no therapist has told me I'm autistic so I feel confused about it. I just feel like I've always been different from others and I still want to understand why. I know no one here can diagnose me, but I do think it would be nice to read about someone that went through similar things, like having both ADHD and being on the spectrum, or how they can be different, etc. | aspergers |
SO over the years some people really got to me, and though been months or even years, i cant get them out my head. Without going into specifics, nothing to major, just trying to steal from me, being nasty, bully, rude etc...
I mean it plays no relevance to today or tommorow, they are long gone, why my brain keep repeating them in myhead.
I know its partly prehistoric, we need to think of bad things yesterday so we avoid tommorow, if you meet a creature its bad such as a snake or a lion, u need to remember thats bad and avoid them in future, but i dont need to worry about sankes and lions 24/7 surely haha | OCD |
Hello I honestly feel like I need to vent I work at a call center for a major car insurance company and I hate the call center environment. It is the most mundane and mind numbing job I have ever had I literally sit here holding back tears out of pure boredom and frustration. It wouldn't be as bad if they offered a work from home position but they do not. I have been applying elsewhere but no luck yet but It has gotten to the point that I go on breaks and lunches and come back 30 mins late because I will be sitting in my car just crying. I know it's not a huge concern but it definitely has been affecting my day to day life. (I am moving in two months to another city and everyone's advice is just to rough it out till then but I literally don't even think I can rough out the remainder of the shift that I am currently on. Much less an entire 2 months ) | depression |
For example, do you reason away a traumatic experience by intellectualization/rationalization.
An example of one form: Someone tries to pick bananas from a tree but can't. They then say 'Oh, they would have tasted bad anyway'.
Is it bad to do this, or only just completely? For example, blocking all the pain from something. Is it good though, to not block the pain, then ignore it by intellectualization? | ptsd |
Idk that’s all, I hope I find peace but if not I hope death comes soon. | ptsd |
Does anyone else feel like when they are faced with an OCD trigger that they have no control over (eg: no amount of compulsion can "get rid" of it) that your whole day, week even is ruined? I am aware of this reaction so whenever something happens I get annoyed because I'm like "well great now this is going to be a terrible day" even though its only just happened.
As an example, my roommate told me off-hand, that her stomach hurt. I asked why- in what way (even though reassurance seeking is a compulsion of mine I need to stop) and she said it didn't matter. I think she didn't want to tell me as she knows about my germaphobia and not to feed into it. But now because there is no closure for me I'm stuck in anxiety limbo for the rest of the day if not more. In short my day is ruined.
When I used to see a therapist, she asked me if I can avoid compulsions - to which I answered yes and that I do often. She said "that's great how does it make you feel when you don't do it?" and I said horrible because even though I didn't DO anything, I can't stop thinking about it ever. It's not like the fear stops as soon as you decide not to do a compulsion.
Another good example was with foods. I have lots of fears surrounding contaminated food, so when I choose to eat something that I am afraid of instead of throwing it away like my OCD tells me to- I should feel scared but overall successful right? Instead, the rest of the day and even week I still have to worry about it. I've heard about the OCD recovery thing of "sitting with the uncomfort" but I feel like I'm doing something wrong - I can't stop thinking about the original trigger. You know what its like trying not to think about something, it's impossible.
Maybe the nature of my fears themselves aren't helping. Germs and contaminated food etc often take a while to do the damage hours or even weeks. So perhaps as its not "over and done with" when I do something that challenges me, rather a period of time, that it is continuously re-challenging me??
Although I guess the same could be said for other OCD triggers like locking doors. I don't personally struggle with this one but I can imagine if you avoid checking if you've locked a door that you have to sit with that anxiety for hours if you are out all day before you get home and find out. Sometimes with the food I feel like 'I didn't check the locks on my front door and then went on a weeks holiday.' Do you know what I mean?
How do you stop the anxiety and uncertainty from ruining your day? How do you stop thinking about something once you've done it? | OCD |
My moral scrupulosity makes it really hard to listen to music from bands I’ve never heard of before. I can’t stop worrying that the band members are abusers or racists and so I tend to obsessively google any new musicians I get into. It turns stuff up pretty fucking often though which seems like it just confirms that it’s a necessary step, and I don’t understand how people can just listen to whatever music? Does anyone else have this?
Long, unnecessary rant below, feel free to ignore -
>!Even recently I was listening to an artist who I thought would be safe bc she’s an outspoken social justice advocate but then several of her songs included kinda ableist lyrics. Why???? I get so mad whenever I see people canceling/calling out artists, because I know that all the artists those people listen to are probably just as bad. And I know that’s doesn’t make sense, I would guess it qualifies as whataboutism, I really do want accountability especially for the heinous shit some artists get away with. At this point I assume all famous artists are monsters. Maybe it’s a genre issue? It seems like sexual assault is just endemic to rock music. I don’t know who among the “great” rockstars isn’t a predator; I’ve heard so much shit even about people I’m not interested in. Our whole music history is fucked. A few months ago I wanted to get into metal, but I couldn’t stop obsessing about the genre’s Nazi problem; I heard somewhere that it is actually normal among metal fans to google bands for exactly that reason, which was not helpful at all to someone who has that as a compulsion. I found one band that I really liked and thought was safe, went on a five hour google extravaganza that came up clean, and then later a one hour compulsive google revealed that one of the band members is in fact friends with people in a nazi band. So I’ve kind of given up on metal now. Why is ‘don’t be friends with nazis’ an impossible ask!!!!!!! And I wasn’t even into black metal!! Metal is one thing bc it’s well known how fucked it can be, but I feel like no one is acknowledging this issue across music in general. No one else feels this. I know my standards can sometimes be unreasonable but in general I don’t think they are and I know this is ocd but it feels so real and so pressing. I cringe when my friends talk about their favorite artists, bc I don’t want to burst their bubble by telling them how terrible they are, but then I worry that my friends are terrible too and I’m complicit. I just want to like popular music. I want to talk about music freely and without guilt. I want to see a playlist recommendation and be able to listen to everything on it without question. I want to stop feeling both suspicious of and jealous of everyone around me. That really seems like it shouldn’t be too much to ask but it also seems like I’ll inevitably end up supporting abusers and racists if I do that, so how can I? The dumbest part about all this is that Im not even really into music; I mean, I like pretty sounds, but I don’t care about the scene, I dont want to go to shows, I don’t read artist interviews or follow them on social media. But if I don’t, then I’m willfully ignorant and ignoring the problem.!< | OCD |
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