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This has been my first year in battling OCD, I got through some dreadful themes earlier this year and I’d say up until the past two months I’ve been much better. But now I keep getting thoughts about the world being such a horrible place, thoughts about how nothing matters, thoughts about me not liking anything, and the worst is thoughts about s***cide. I don’t ever want to do that but I’m afraid I’m going to eventually want to or I’m eventually going to take my life if I ever get depression bad enough. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts, I wish I could just turn my brain off and enjoy my day/life. | OCD |
So basically my false memory is from like 2 years ago about something that I might have did. Sometimes the memory feels completely real and like it happened and sometimes it doesn’t, but it never really goes away. If I ignore this memory for a while will it eventually clear up or will I forever have to live with the fact that it could be true? (It’s really difficult to accept) | OCD |
How does one stop rumination after ERP? I don't know how to stop noticing that my body ''feels'' dirty. It's very distracting and uncomfortable and makes me feel bad. Is this even a compulsion/rumination? It's something that happens unconsciously I feel like, I get weird sensations that feel real but aren't real. Say you think about lice for example, sometimes people get a really real urge to itch even though there aren't any. It's kinda like that but way more persistent and goes on for days on end, my body signaling ''I'm dirty'' basically.
Any insight on this would really be appreciated. I swear to god this is the thing that gives me anxiety, and it never really goes away and that also gives me anxiety. I'm feeling very hopeless over it all. Whenever people say ERP makes you feel less anxious I don't get that, for me it triggers this, which I suppose is logical as its meant to make you uncomfortable, but the most uncomfortable part is after the exposure the entire fucking rest of my life it feels like, unless I give in. I really hope someone can help me on here. | OCD |
Hi all,
I'm sure this has been asked before somewhere so sorry if I'm repeating something. Had an assessment today. Paid £700 for the privilege. Just after some advice on what to do next.
Background: I have siblings with ADHD + dyslexia and other learning difficulties. As such, their teachers were quick to notice something was wrong. On the other hand, I excelled at school, and it wasn't until my degree that I became "average" - previously I've always been top of my class etc
The psychiatrist I spoke to today suggested that I don't have ADHD, but I do have generalised anxiety. This is really frustrating due to the fact that I had already been given that diagnosis by a GP, treated for it, and decided that that wasn't my issue.
I felt that my symptoms kept being batted away, and that I wasn't being listened to. I tried to be clear that I'm not anxious as a main symptom, but more because of things I'm struggling with. As an example, I am between jobs at the minute due to my old boss not being happy with the standard of my work.
Just looking for advice going forward. Do I just accept this diagnosis and move on, should I get a second opinion? I'm on the NHS waiting list, should I see how that goes whenever that comes around? What are your experiences?
Cheers! | ADHD |
Like wtf someone started talking about mobile homes and boom triggered lol | ptsd |
And they don't work, why am I taking them? I just want to sleep for a few months.
Now I think I might be bipolar, but I still need to talk to my doctor about it.
I'm just tired. | depression |
It was a whole process getting my ADHD (inattentive type) diagnosis & I felt really confident that the results were right. But since then, I have tried different meds and aside from not feeling focused, I don't like how heavy they make my chest feel... almost like when you stay up days without proper sleep and you're SUPER exhausted and your heart feels really heavy, but you can't seem to fall asleep because you overcaffeinated yourself. And when I breathe out, I sigh a lot. Just a really, tired heavy feeling.
So far I've tried:
Vyvanse (30mg): day 1, I got that euphoric feeling some people initially get & it made me want to keep moving. Keep getting things done.. After about day 3, the euphoric feelings stopped. However, I began to notice that it would make my heart race too fast and increase my anxiety, which I'm already medicated for. The anxiety attacks were uncomfortable, so I switched.
Concerta (54mg): No anxiety, but appetite suppression on this was no joke. To the point of trying to force food down because I was so shaky from hunger, and immediately wanting (and I did once) to throw it back up. Food was repulsive. And that heavy feeling I mentioned I get in my chest was there every time I took it. No focus.
Adderall XR (20mg): I'm on this right now at only 20mg. We're waiting to see if we should bump up. Not anymore focused on this med either, and again. The heavy feeling in my chest is there.
Should I stick with the adderall and see if the side effects go away? My doctor mentioned that maybe because I tended to stop taking the meds right after getting those uncomfortable side effects, my body never got used to it to see if the side effects would disappear. And it's true. I've only been on the adderrall for a few days. What do you guys think?
I know I should ultimately discuss with my doctor, but I still want to hear others' experiences.
Additional info: I have anxiety & persistent depressive disorder as well and take citalopram & a small dose of wellbutrin. | ADHD |
I am currently on 20 mg of long release Adderall and I feel like it’s working alright for me. Maybe not the most effective, but I do notice a difference. I just cannot sleep to save my life lately and I don’t necessarily want to tell my doctor that, cause I don’t want to reduce a dose that already is on the lower end. But I need to get my insomnia under control and it feels like I always have to choose between normal functioning and productivity and sleep. | ADHD |
I want regiments and order. I sorta need it, but i can never keep it. I also need to not feel like a robot where everything is always meticulous for some reason. I will schedule everything in my head everyday. Sometimes I can keep it going but eventually I can't due to depression or anxiety or whatever. I get to a point where I do nothing because there's everything I know I'll have to do but just can't. This then leads to depression and it sorta becomes a negative feedback loop. Eventually, I rebound a bit, get very organized, then disorganized and lazy, and the cycle continues. | aspergers |
Tldr:
1. I had a piece of hardware installed onto my house.
2. I meddled with the installation.
3. I don't like the result.
4. Now I'm in a really bad mood/poor state of mind because I'm unable to 'fix it'/compulse for various reasons.
5. I'm just looking for any insight from anyone that goes through situations like these.
Long story short, I had a window AC installed into my house (near the front door) by a TaskRabbit'er, and while he was installing it, I requested that it be slightly tilted downward (off-level) based on an installation video I watched. After I made the request, I re-watched the installation video, and went back to the installer to clarify my request (i.e. to make sure it wasn't *too* off-level). We had sort of an argument (I think he got offended), I apologized, and fast-forward to the final result: I think it's too off-level. Now, I don't have the expertise to re-do it, and there's absolutely no way my wife would be okay with me hiring someone to re-do it for something so trivial.
So for all intents and purposes, there's no way for me to physically compulse with this in terms of adjusting it, because it's bolted in there for good. One physical compulsion I do have at my disposal, "checking", involves stealing looks at it to judge whether it looks good or bad. Or alternatively, looking at the leveling of other house's AC units, and telling myself that mine is good or bad. I am trying to stop this checking behavior; i.e. out of sight, out-of-mind. (Or should I just tell myself, yes, it is leveled poorly, and sit with that idea?)
One of the reasons this is hard for me is because not only do I have my own perfectionist thoughts, I fear comments/judgement from others at some point in the future, about how it's not level (e.g. from my Dad, who always has some small judgmental comment or a suggestion, and feeds into my OCD). There's no temporal limit to my anxieties - I even worry about what potential buyers of the house far into the future will think.
Right now, my OCD is throwing a **major tantrum** in my head. If I was single, my OCD would compel me to throw down the money in a heartbeat to have someone re-do it. Or I'd start asking around with friends/family for opinions, and to find out who could do me a favor and fix it. But I will do none of these things because going down the rabbit hole of my compulsions, with home projects, is extremely detrimental to my relationship. And I know the project will consume me until it's done, taking away my attention from my family and work, not to mention possibly sending me into a manic state. So right now I feel angry that I have no control over this anymore. When I make a new purchase (e.g. having a TV mount installed), the OCD/perfectionism in me wants positive feelings when looking at it, so I feel robbed of that experience \[how's that for entitlement/1st world problems\].
As far as tools to get through this, I'm familiar with the 'sitting with your thoughts/feelings' school of thought. And there's the exposure therapy I mentioned before. Another thing I can do is focus on the functional aspect of this purchase. The AC is for my infant daughter's room, and if it cools down her room without falling off, it is good. I also try to remind myself that it's just a house, and realistically anything can be fixed. Lastly, 'time' seems to be the only thing that allows me to 'accept' things like this, and the tantrum is going on because I know that.
As far as lessons learned for next time, I will remember what happens when I meddle. Maybe focus on asking questions instead of telling someone who knows more than me what to do. The meddling aspect definitely makes things worse because I blame myself and feel guilty.
If this is a familiar story, do you care to share any suggestions or insight? Thanks for reading and sorry for the length. | OCD |
To the world,
I am sorry for my existence. Hope my sleep never tonight. Let there be a new world tomorrow when I open my eyes. It doesn't matter whether the gates or heaven or hell awaits me.
For all the people that ever loved or hated me, thanks for reminding me that I mattered. Please don't get angry on me if this letter doesn't make any sense like my life.
I loved living my miserably beautiful life but I feel there is a growing gap between my idea of reality and the one I contribute to. My body doesn't agree with the teachings of my soul. I learned as a child in our religion, body dies but the soul lives on. Now, its my time to test the hypothesis.
All I ever wanted to become someone's best friend, caring brother, lover or a son to be proud of. Hopefully, I was successful once to become a failure in all. So, please congratulate me final time on my death.
Regards,
A forgotten man called XXX | depression |
I’ve only taken my medication for a few weeks now so I’m still not sure if this is possible for me, but I really want to just reduce the mental chatter for once.
I feel so exhausted from the noise sometimes. I’ve always dealt with it, it’s nothing new, but there are just some days where I can ignore it and other days where it really bogs me down.
I always have a song in my head. Sometimes it’s the same 20seconds of a song on repeat. Sometimes I can change it a bit. Usually it’s just one more thing to drown out.
I have enough distracting conversations in my head to make listening to lectures very difficult.
Meditation helps for a while but it doesn’t stick super long, and proper sleep and exercise help a Little bit when I remember to do them consistently. But I just want quiet for a while.
I want to be able to choose to listen to a song if I want to listen to one, but not always have the radio blasting.
I want to focus on one conversation at a time. Not have thoughts competing for my attention.
I’m just overstimulated by my own brain.
Is there anything besides medication that’s had that effect for you? I’m crossing my fingers I find the right cocktail soon. | ADHD |
Does anyone else have days where everything feels wrong and you need to make everything perfect but it’s so overwhelming and impossible so you just feel awfully depressed on edge and pathetic all day. Or is it just me, is it even an OCD thing? Probably but I don’t even know anymore I’m starting to loose track of what’s related to what. God I wish it would just all stop. The nicest thing is too atleast have people who can relate to you and understand you on here (and listen to bullshit rants) , for that I’m grateful. | OCD |
Seen it for the first time yesterday and it really is an amazing show. Quite triggering at times, but I was happy to see Pure O represented on screen. | OCD |
I was spending the weekend at my friend's house and we watched horror movies, I had no idea they would depict ||SH|| I started really hallucinating and dissociating and I think I actually passed out. The movies heavily reminded me of something that happened that was traumatizing.. I told them about how it triggered me and thankfully they understood and will be more carful nextime.
I had no idea I had this does this sound like PTSD or something else?...I'm still very shook up and are having a very hard time getting it out of my mind.. | ptsd |
Does anyone else reaaally struggle keeping jobs w/ adhd? I was recently diagnosed w/ ADHD, and I also have major depressive + generalized anxiety. Jobs are so hard for me to hold onto, because I either lose interest very quickly, or my racing thoughts just completely make my brain inoperable sometimes. Like the thought of getting up and going to work sends me into a spiral leading to a panic attack. I’ve recently started on 20 mg of adderall and it’s been helpful for college studies, but I just got a really good paying job and I’m nervous my mental health is gonna fuck it up for me. Any advice? | ADHD |
I've been going through stints of depression for years. Increasing in frequency and intensity. Only with WFH have I really started noticing a pattern and I'm becoming concerned with the thought "for how long will this be manageable? How long till I'm not technically functional anymore?".
Up for 4 to 6 weeks. Down for 2 to 4 weeks. Stints of recklessness when I'm feeling really good (right before my mood drops). I almost bought a fucking boat last time after 5 minutes of the idea popping into my head. I don't know shit about boats... The anxiety flaring up for a couple of weeks at a time... Debilitating insomnia... Can't focus for 2 minutes with my best efforts. I decided it was time to fix this.
I made an appointment with a phsychologist after my last depressive episode. It was really hard to not cancel the appointment when I was feeling up again. Every day I had to convince myself that the lows are real. They happen and I just try ignore that it did once it's over. Back in another depressive episode and I'm glad I kept the appointment.
​
TL;DR: Never gone to something like this before. What should I expect? I requested they do a evaluation of my mental health. | depression |
I haven’t left my bed in two days except to get water. I haven’t eaten since around 2 am on thanksgiving (I spent the day alone in bed). I met with some probably former friends* on Friday night at a restaurant. I ate two very tiny pieces of bread. This is the first food I’ll have eaten in four days, and I was proud of myself for ordering it. And that makes me so goddamn sad again. It just won’t leave me alone, the sadness.
\* At some point on Friday night, I decided it was time to end the sadness, and maybe I would have if not for some inexplicably terrible timing. They stopped me, and one of them has not responded to my text apologizing for what happened. I can’t blame them. Depression makes me a very difficult person to be around at times, and I know that.
I’m so tired of feeling like this. It was gone for a month, maybe two or three, and now it’s back. I’ve done everything I can think to do. I see a therapist; I see a psychiatrist who has me medicated; I go out with friends; I was exercising for a while (then an old back injury flared up, and I haven’t been walking since); I read things that tell me why I shouldn’t kill myself; I’m very open honest about my struggles with depression and suicide, and people empathize, or at least sympathize; I watch funny things that make me laugh so I feel better; and still, like some kind of cosmic stalker, sadness finds me again and again.
I was planning to take singing lessons because I feel good when I sing, and I’m not terrible. I don’t want to do that anymore. All the hope I had is gone. I don’t know why depression won’t go away.
It feels like every day I’m in a 15 round bout. I win often enough, I guess, but I’m tired of getting punched. I want to retire. And I’m proud of myself for not throwing in the towel, even when it’s something as ridiculous as ordering myself food, but idk how many more fights I’ve got left in me. | depression |
Talking to a guy who also has ptsd and I feel like we keep flighting on each other because we both get scared and then we both flight and when one flights the other flights too. Is dating another person with ptsd too much? | ptsd |
TL:DR looking for testimonials as to why at least trying ADHD meds is worthwhile.
So, I'm not the one with ADHD, but rather my husband.
He was diagnosed early in school, was medicated from then till early teens. Hasn't been since. He knows for sure he was on Adderall and Ritalin at different times. He had some sort of counseling or something for a few years as well to help with life skills or coping mechanisms or something, his details are vague. So for someone with ADHD, he had better support and early intervention than most do. (He also was diagnosed with hearing loss around age 3, and with dyslexia and I believe some other learning disabilities around grade 1.)
Anyways, only in the last year or so I've learned about how adult ADHD actually looks. I've realized that a lot of his particular tendencies or quirks are almost certainly his ADHD, and not particular to only him. I love and support him 100%, and accept him as he is. And he definitely feels it, we have a very loving and harmonious relationship.
But I can't help but be curious if him trying meds would help. Life isn't 100% easy with me managing a ton of stuff, since we have 3 kids under 4 as well. I just wonder if, instead of coping in some areas, if they would thrive more if he had some neurochemical help. I don't want to push too hard, but at the same time, if it would make all our lives easier, it would be REALLY nice.
*So I'm asking, were you hesitant about starting meds (or restarting if there was a long gap)? How did it go? Was it a difficult process to hit on the right one? Did you have a genetic test to narrow down possibilities to ones that would work better?* | ADHD |
Yes, it feels like we’re cursed with a brain running at 160% all the time...
Yes, it feels like we think in 8K UHD...
And yes, the thoughts and even reality itself can bring us to our knees...
But...
We are the thinking olympians of the world!
Want to know every possible outcome of any possible action? Ask me!
Want to know every way you can get in trouble while doing something illegal? I got you!!
Want to examine a problem you have from 50 different angles you never thought of? I’m your guy!
Want to make yourself so paranoid you can’t stand up? Oh wait :( | OCD |
Any advice or resources for helping stop obsessions/ compulsions/ perseveration? | aspergers |
Making an autism pride playlist because why not, it's fun.
So far, I only have Cars from Gary Numan, Fireflies from Owl City because Gary and Adam Young are both known autists, and See Emily Play from Pink Floyd because PF's old singer, Syd Barrett is suspected to have been in the autism spectrum by some (amongst a lot of other things, I concede), and the song kind of sounds like it's about an autistic girl just trying her best to get by, at least that's how I like to interpret it.
What else should I add? | aspergers |
I want to preface this by saying this is absolutely not a recommendation to seek out, buy, or use illicit drugs. There is risk associated with every step of that process. This is just an anecdotal experience that I’m curious if anyone else has experienced.
Ok, so I’m 7 days past my first DMT experience, and it’s the weirdest dang thing: my OCD symptoms have been reduced by like 90-95% since my trip. I don’t know how to explain it... I still have some of my physical tics, which I’ve not considered to be strictly OCD rituals; things like tongue chewing, leg stretching, shoulder scrunching etc. They’re not associated with intrusive thoughts. But my intrusive thoughts have been amazingly reduced and when they do occur I’m finding it easy to just acknowledge them and move on.
I don’t want to assume anything, and I can’t discount placebo effect, though I didn’t try DMT *because* of my OCD. It was just something I had the opportunity to do. I didn’t have any hopes for it.
And this is definitely not me saying that people should try it. It is an intense experience and absolutely not for everyone, regardless (or maybe even especially because) of underlying mental health issues. Exercise extreme caution if you’re even considering it.
Has anyone else had a similar response? If so, how long did you find it lasted? | OCD |
In 2019, around October, I began to shut down and isolate... It got worse as the anniversaries of both my parents were soon approaching(I held them both while they died) then I was minding my own business watching a movie when the movie took a turn for the worse and there was a horrible rape scene in it, and I related to it a little too much, after the movie I couldn't get the scenes out of my damn head.. took forever for me to get over it sometimes..... So I fell even more into the trenches of hell.
Anyways, I'm happy today, and just wanted to share that I took my first walk in the woods by myself since last year. It was a glorious day (I live in Texas, so it what nice and cool outside). The animals were everywhere, chirping and hopping around...... Such peace and relaxation on that trail and just wanted to share one of my good days to you fine people. Have a blessed one! | ptsd |
I love this ADHD comenity, ppl with same expriences, ask, aswere, give advise. It makes me so good.
For the person that her ADHD undiagnosed for years and recently understand, this comenity help me so much. I have so bad expriences bc of my ADHD, and I don't have any support, here make me feel I have a family, friends. I want to say thank you all.
Sometimes I don't know how express my feelings but here ppl ask and explain so great, I read advices, same expriences. That's so cool. | ADHD |
I was sexuallly abused by my ex like 2 years ago, before that he was abusive and demanding and manipulative and he really really messed me up. I thought I was getting better but I still struggle so much with everything, if someone raises their voice at me I panic, I can't even look at my own body without wanting to vomit. I've recently started to look for new relationships with guys, of the sexual kind mostly because I'm hypersexual and i feel like all my worth is there lol but even then that doesn't work out at all I always get blocked or I get attached because I'm still so messed up mentally and I'm just tired, a lot of shit has happened in my life and yet here I am wanting to die because this guy I met 3 days ago told me I lost my chance lol like I don't even know him??? but I'm so so scared of rejection that I feel like this is the end of the world what's wrong with me | depression |
When I feel bad about unrelenting obsessive thoughts, I search in Google my thoughts to see if I am a "normal" person. I search through this sub to see if anybody struggles with the same thing. And many people do, in fact, struggle with similar things and I think "oh ok then my therapist was right and I'm only obsessing over something that aint that bad and I'm not an horrible person who deserves to die".
But then.
Then I get this awful fear. "Wait, this person does not experience/ has not experienced EXACTLY what I do/did, so that means that I probably dont have OCD. Maybe I AM a disgusting person afterall". And I start to panic and overthink everything and search ways to kill myself because I'm convinced I'm an awful being.
I also struggle to trust my psychologist. I'm so scared I may be hiding something from her without me actively noticing and that if I told her that ONE thing (which i don't know what it is) then she would be like "oh wait no, that fact actually means you were an awful person all along" | OCD |
As a person i am considered pretty smart , and ( without trying to sound obnoxious) i agree . I mean i am certainly above average ( for example some of my classmates were studying for something they had to memorize for a lesson , i read it twice and learned it , others needed like ten or more times and still couldn't remember it) but my ADHD is really holding me back . The only reason that until now not even my mother had suspected that i might have that is cause i get really nervous before a test or a lesson and that really helps me concentrate and get through it really fast. Now however there is just not enough time for me to finish some assignments so it has become noticeable . Anyway my point is that i really want to become a doctor and my country has one of the best medical schools in the world so that has really encouraged me . However after a bit it is no longer enough for me to actually study about three hours before a test . It needs serious dedication for close to two years . I don't really think that i can make it but the thought itself of starting to make a plan B although knowing I haven't given plan A my best is very sad to me and idk what to do because the chances of actually getting in are getting slimmer and slimmer | ADHD |
So my PTSD was badly triggered this time last year and it brought up memories that I was repressing. Towards the end of the year I met a guy I thought I could trust and ended up being able to get intimate with him. However, it turned out that I couldn't trust him and ended up causing me a major mental breakdown that I'm only just coming out of. I'm just so frustrated right now as one of my male friends wants to hang out with me and I'm just in a constant state of anxiety about if he's interested in me as more than a friend but also he's a good and attractive person so I'm just not sure how to cope. I'm feeling physically sick as well because of it and it sucks. | ptsd |
Hey all! Haven’t posted here in a while but I wanted to post this to encourage those who are on the fence about taking medicine for your OCD.
A little backstory - I’ve been dealing with OCD for about 8 years now and have been in therapy for 3 years. I’ve started taking fluoxetine as prescribed by my nurse practitioner for 2 months and WOW what a difference. It’s honestly been a game changer. The OCD has lost its “grip” and its a lot easier to move on from thoughts. I still get anxious but it’s not the extent that it was before I started taking medicine.
If you’re iffy about taking meds for your condition and you’re able to, I highly recommend you try it out. I know there’s a lot of factors that might hinder you from taking it, but it’s honestly changed my life.
Best and lots of love. I will continue praying over you all. | OCD |
Hey folks, I'm just posting to get a few things off my chest, but I'm certainly hoping to hear any positive thoughts or similar experiences too. I'm a post-middle aged male. I first suspect the truth of my neurology over 20 years ago. But life just kept moving and I was too busy trying to keep up to really dig in and try to figure things out. I guess this isn't such an unusual thing, but that all changed when one of my children started struggling. They were initially diagnosed ADHD and it partly made sense. So since that child is most like me, that became my self-diagnosis too. Then I spent 2 years in therapy for anxiety issues and the therapist was highly experienced with adult diagnosis of ADHD. He was convinced it was not my diagnosis but never proposed an alternative. He just thought I was having a mid-life crisis (also true).
My kid is in therapy now and that therapist was the one to turn the lights back on. She came to my wife and I to ask if we were familiar with Aspergers. That's her diagnosis for my kid. I almost fell out of my chair. I felt like such a dummy for forgetting and leaving my kid to struggle through this with shitty guidance for these past few years. And of course, I look back with a mix of relief and horror at my own situation. I have a life that looks perfect from the outside. But I have never once felt truly at home. It's been a life of alienation. Even, at times, from my own incredibly understanding spouse (probably NT). Pandemic conditions are making all of this much harder to process. I'm realizing that there actually is a level of social interaction I require to feel healthy. It's typically transactional rather than heavily involved, but the lack of any human contact outside my family and work Zoom calls is grinding on me in a confusing way that seems related to my neurology even though so many are feeling similar. But I'm an alien, so it's not the same.
Next week I have an appointment with a neuro-psychologist. I don't know if I'll pursue formal diagnosis. Right now what I really need is a therapist that understands our brains and can coach me on making some behavioral changes. But I also want to connect with all the other aspies and maybe experience a sense of community with people that face the same struggles and experience the same joys. So for confidence in that pursuit I might ask for a complete workup. (Since I know someone will be curious, I score aspie on all the accepted online quizzes as I did over 2 decades ago.)
I want to say this to all you young folks facing these same challenges. Be kind to yourself. Don't ever give up. What they see in us is almost never as bad as we fear. I suspect most of us over mask for that reason. Many people really appreciate us for exactly who we are. It's hard sometimes to find them and it's hard sometimes to find work that suits us. But both exist. It is possible. And you are perfect as you are.
Thanks for giving me a place to share. | aspergers |
I can rarely focus on my emotions and since there's been a lot of distractions(eg. Tests) recently, it makes it impossible to focus on what im feeling (if I actually have them). Idk if its a good thing or not cuz 'normally' i just feel like trash and suicidal, but at times like this im just "operating" without any thought like someone is controlling me and im watching it happen. All i can think of is one, was i faking all this all these years and im actually fine, two, just kms alr there's no purpose for anything im trash unless dumb why was i even born | depression |
I’ve honestly never felt worse in my life. I am considering going to therapy now, I just don’t know if they will take me seriously. When I was younger, I had more “typical” OCD obsessions( mainly just right and morality related things). But now, everything is all over the board.
Basically, I have this list with a bunch of things on it, that I do not want to think about. And I go to great lengths to avoid thinking about these things. Examples: I picture a white wall so I can mentally block the thoughts, I repeat the same words over and over, I shush myself, etc. I also pace, for 3+ hours a day, because I think that it helps keeps me ahead of thinking, if that makes any sense. I cannot lay down until I am extremely tired ( usually about 4 am), so I avoid sleeping. If things are really bad, I won’t sleep for 24+ hours.
Some of the things on the list:
Specific memories from childhood: an example of this is I quit the keyboard when I was twelve ( played from ages 8-12). Part of my quitting was because of my compulsions, as I had to get in and out of my chair repeatedly before, during, and after playing, and I had to plug it in and then take the chord out, in series of twos. I started playing again at 16. I love playing. OCD says that if I really loved playing, then I wouldn’t have quit, so I must be a fake. I have an extreme fear of being fake. There are other specific memories that I obsess over, but that would take too long to cover here, and I don’t even want to think about those at all.
How I got into certain things: If I don’t remember the exact reason I got into certain things ( such as bands), or if it wasn't for the "right" reason, then I am a fake fan. So, I go over my own memories repeatedly. I doubt whether or not I really love something, even when I know I love it.
‘’ The point’’ of things: I am obsessed with this. What is the point of me even existing, if I have no talent or ability? Then I start gathering ‘’ evidence’’ to prove that I have no talent or ability, and this line of thinking makes me really depressed( like the other things on the list).
These are just a few things on the list. There are more. I’m not sure a therapist would even take me seriously with this? I still have some of the more typical symptoms from my childhood, just to a much lesser degree. Some of it, I don't even know how to talk about. | OCD |
I going through divorce I have 2 job going at school for nursing I already try to kill my self nothing is worthy for me I find out my wife she’s doing her life but I got stuck doing the right thing I date at couple girl but nothing is working
I got used to be lonely but right now I just want at hug my mom she’s not close I don’t want she get into my problem I going through economic problem my sexual life is done I don’t know what to do I going to therapy but I think they don’t care
I not sleeping for like 3 days already it’s fucking Christmas I tired of my life | depression |
First of all, I've got to say that I'm positively livid that I wore my mask, social distanced, got vaccinated, and basically did everything I could for the sake of my well-being and others, and yet here I am, sick as a dog quarantined at home and isolated from everything.
It's bad enough as is, but with ADHD, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I already get bored very quickly with routine, and being stuck in my room 99% of the day with no opportunity to leave the house and go places or see people sucks. I managed to find a way to get my work done effectively and to take advantage of the few times a day that I'm "in the zone," which was by going to like coffee shops or bookstores, which took me out of an environment of distractions like video games and placed me in one conducive to being productive. But now? I can throw that idea out the window. I haven't gotten ANY work done since my test came back and I can't force myself to work no matter how hard I try.
All I do is play video games and draw, which I love doing, but I get anxious very easily when I know I'm procrastinating, so I've been stressed out for days. I also just feel insanely lonely. I've been talking to someone who I might have really good chemistry with, but I can't hang out with them and it sucks because outside of that she doesn't like to call and talk. Again, for a neurotypical person? Probably not a big deal, but for me and my ADHD brain? I cannot stand texting because it requires me to lose my flow with whatever I was initially focus on and diverting all of my attention to that text message so that I can respond accordingly. I vastly prefer calls because I can talk without having to change course, but this person doesn't like that so we hardly talk and K feel even more isolated.
Plus, this couldn't have come at a worse time. I was supposed to go to a convention with a bunch of friends in a week, but I can kiss that goodbye. Last year's con was cancelled because of the pandemic, so I've been planning and ready for this. I had friends coming from out of town, a hotel room setup, group cosplays, the whole 9 yards. All of that reduced to nothing because of a stupid virus. It's only been maybe a week and I feel like I'm losing my mind because my symptoms aren't goimg anywhere anytime soon. | ADHD |
I suck at it, it stresses me out, I overexplain in a panic and piss them off.
I don't need to be interacting with them, why the heck do I do this to myself?
I need to stay in bed for a few more days but Im really hungry. | aspergers |
I always disagreed with my PTSD diagnosis. I was first diagnosed with PTSD when I first got sober. I was having recurrent nightmares and I’d also have panic attacks when something reminded me of my trauma. I avoided talking about it with therapist and the times I tried, I’d either panic or dissociate. I finally started talking about it and the longer I was sober, the less nightmares and panic attacks I would have. So I thought “this is happening cus I never dealt with it and now I’m sober so all these old feelings are coming up.” A therapist even sat down with me and went over each symptom of PTSD and how it related to me, but I didn’t agree with her. Eventually, the longer I was sober, the less nightmares and panic attacks I would have, so I believed I was right. But now I’ve been sober for over 2 years and I’m starting to have “episodes” again whenever something reminds me of my trauma. It’s happened 3 times in the past week. The first two weren’t that bad (I was able to talk myself down), but today’s was kinda intense. I’m starting to think my therapist was right. How did y’all come to terms with your diagnosis? | ptsd |
Anyone else have constant fantasies of fame and success? Also, the need to attain notability to prove you’re not a bad person and to show your personality.
I think sometimes if I don’t stay connected with the world I’ll drift off and become a bad person.
Other times I have no problem working on my own things for days. | OCD |
I got to the frat house just before 4am. We had just seen a mutual friends band that night, and decided to meet up when we got back to town. He’d bought me a drink when we were out, so I offered to smoke him out. I went up to his room with him when I got there. We sat on the futon and smoked and did a little coke. I remember him bringing up sex, but I’m not sure how. We’d talked about our fantasies before and I’d told him a few months prior that I had some pretty rough ones. We’d never discussed acting them out though, nothing past that initial conversation. Definitely never came up with a safe word or even said what we’d be okay with. He said something about how I probably wouldn’t be able to handle him at his roughest, to which I remember replying that I wouldn’t be okay with being tied up due to recent past experiences. I told him I was too tired and he said “okay I’ll just hit up my other friend and fuck her because I need to cum before I go to sleep.” He was on his phone for a few minutes while I smoked some more and watched whatever was on the tv. Then he got up and asked if I was sure I didn’t want to fuck. This time I told him no again and gave him a reason: I’d already hooked up with my other friend earlier and definitely didn’t feel like doing it again. He asked when we’d had sex and I said before the show to which he replied “long enough for me.” Then he went and turned out the light. He sat on the futon again but this time much closer to me. I remember he started touching me and eventually fingering me. I remember thinking “okay you got this far but I’m about to shut this down.” Which wasn’t ever a problem for me before. I’d been hanging with more than a few guys before when they start something but I tell them to stop for whatever reason and they just do. Instead he just mocked me and continued. “Oh you really don’t want to?” He took off his belt and tied me up anyway, despite my saying I would never be okay with it. That didn’t last long though, I think because the way he tied me up was getting in his way so he just pinned me down instead. My wrists and forearms were bruised from that. He stayed on top of me for a while but then flipped me over and shoved my face in the pillow. I remember him pressing on the side of my head really hard, hard enough to do real damage which scared me even more. So I was just frozen I guess. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I remember trying to close my legs but he just pried them back open. Towards the end he told me I couldn’t even deny I liked it because I was wet. And added at the end “I don’t know I’m not any good at it.” Good at it? You think that I wanted you to act out some fantasy I’d mentioned in passing three months earlier? That’s the part I can’t get past. Did he really believe I wanted that or was he just gaslighting me to make me doubt myself and keep me quiet? We’d had consensual sex a week prior to this. Why not try to ‘act out’ this fantasy then? Was this really an ‘honest mistake’ type situation, or was that just part of his manipulation?
Obviously no one can answer these questions but him, but I can’t help thinking about it every single day. I have a lot of trouble believing the validity of my diagnosis because of this. Most of all I just really regret telling him any of it. I constantly compare our consensual sex with that night, noting the differences. I know what consensual sex is like with him, and this was completely different. And now I get to hear from other people that he’s still out there, doing these things. His ex gf has a restraining order against him. I have all this evidence of who he is and I just can’t get past that he might have made an honest mistake. Maybe he really thought I wanted him to do that? I didn’t though. At all. I feel stupid and broken. Thanks anyway for reading this far, it helps to not hold it all in. | ptsd |
I’m really sick of it. I would be on what they would call the ‘higher functioning’ part of the spectrum (diagnosed aged 24), but nobody really suspect I have Aspergers.
What makes my life hell right now is that I feel like i’m living in my own movie. Everyone I encounter, even my own girlfriend, has a role to play in my life, but I just can’t seem to grasp that they can think for themselves or that they have a life apart from my ‘movie’.
This makes me so depressed. Every new person I meet, I kind of give a place in my movie and if they don’t act how I wanted, I get really sad and don’t know what to do anymore.
As an example: I recently started a new job and I have one close colleague who is kind of my mentor. I expected her to care for me, to want a friendly relationship with me and to support me and give me feedback, but she doesn’t do those things. On some level, I know she has her own life and feelings, but at the same time I’m really upset that she doesn’t do the things that I scripted for her.
Does anyone have the same experience and has some tips to handle it? | aspergers |
TW sexual abuse/ assault description
If anyone wants more info into what happened to me, you can check my profile.
I've had quite weird and scary dreams these past two nights. The first one was where I was alone with a man in a car, he resembled my abuser body shape wise. I was in a parking lot and the man was in the front seat and I in the back. He got out and walked to where I was, I immediately began to panic even though he didn't enter the car. I was thinking that something bad will happen, he entered the car and I scooted away from him, the dream gets blurry from here but I vividly remember that feeling of extreme fear and helplessness while he was hugging me or having his arm around my waist. (I'm scared of hugs because of what happened to me, I guess that might be connected but I don't know) I was just feeling so so terrified, and I felt that exact same blood curdling fear when the traumatic event was happening. I felt completely frozen both in the dream and the original event.
Then I was outside a police station and that's where it ended. (I never reported)
The second one is a lot more obscure and confusing, it was like any ordinary weird dream, I was driving somewhere, it felt as if I was in a video game, but then I was again at a police station. I was inside of the building and then I hear a 17 year old girl scream, 'get off me, get the fuck off me. I'm 17. Stop it, stop it.'
I began to feel fearful and I froze again, but I got the courage to turn the corner and I caught a small glimps of an older man cuddling this girl, I'm assuming it was tight since she couldn't get away. She started to scream something about her boyfriend but her voice didn't sound like it was a little whimper, it was screams of anger, frustration and being fed up. But the man wouldn't let her go.
Then a woman police officer was way too calmly walking down the hallway this was happening, it looked like she won't do anything about the situation because of the way she walked but I woke up straight after seeing that officer so I don't know if she would've done something or not.
I'm just in a weird place right now. I've been having dreams of sexual assaults/ abuse, even rape (I was never raped) ever since the traumatic event happened. I never had dreams like that before, never.
Can anyone relate to my situation and is this normal?? I feel so ashamed that I'm having such fucked up dreams even though I was never raped, or touched anywhere private without my consent. | ptsd |
I’m trying to figure out if my anxiety is linked to my adhd. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions and stress that I’m pretty sure is being caused by my anxiety. It’s like I can’t stay focused or when I am focused I’m not thinking or even seeing in the real world. My brain is completely disconnected. Im only thinking about what is going on in head and I’ve been like that since I was a kid. I’ve never been able to let go of a thought that really bothered me. To this day I cringe at something I did when I was 12. Recently it was the thought of my girlfriend leaving me. If my anxiety is linked can it be solved with adhd medication? | ADHD |
Everyone in my life seems to think my triggers are addiction/drug related but they aren’t at all. I am really triggered by dead looking things, discolored skin, cold skin etc. it comes up a lot and i dont know how to explain it exactly? | ptsd |
(trigger warning: shock/vehicular trauma)
My family and I were involved in a high-speed car crash a long time ago. I was injured and was able to be airlifted right away, but my family was stuck in the car and had to get cut out. I think one of the big contributing factors to my PTSD wasn't just the impact itself, but knowing my family could be GONE and I couldn't even be there to help, to comfort, to witness.
We all survived, but my family members had to get a bunch of orthopedic surgeries. I was the most able-bodied one, so for about 2 months, I was the one helping to take care of them, arranging appointments, meeting with lawyers, etc. Of course it was chaotic, painful, I cried a lot.. hysterically.
But other times, I was calm, present, clear-headed. I felt no buffer between my intellectual mind and my emotional/deeper self (selves?), and didn't feel like I was interacting with the world through a fiberglass pane. I felt.. good. (you know, other than when the PTSD flashbacks hit but that wasn't every moment of every day)
That crash was years ago and since then, I've dropped deeper and deeper behind that fiberglass pane when life got back to "normal" (rat race). But now that the streets are empty, I very much feel that clarity again. It's almost like relief. I've even been sleeping better. I track my Heart Rate Variability, and it's the BEST I've ever seen ever since I started tracking a few months ago.
I wanted to add though-- I am not in one of the high-risk groups myself, and am fairly sure I'm not in danger of losing my income in the near future. I know I am fortunate.. and even more fortunate in feeling a reprieve from my symptoms.
Can anyone else related?
For those who are having some trouble-- be safe, I love you and I care about you. We will get through this together. PMs are open if anyone needs to chat <3 | ptsd |
TW: suicide, self harm etc
i’ve had depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life along with celiac disease and i faced a lot of bulling through my childhood in school that was physical a lot of the time too. i left school and since then whenever i remember things they’re always traumatic memory’s from that
since things get worse every single day i get more and more memories back, watching my family friend try to kill herself, court, school, family problems. it all has taken me over and i spend every single day hiding panic attacks from the overwhelming memories
a while i got i asked my therapist about getting tested for adhd but she said the symptoms were probably just anxiety and depression working together, what if she says that about this? what if my parents ask me about trauma? i’m just scared but it the memories scare me more. i’ve tried to kill myself 4 times, and have been self harming as long as i can remember (usually not much but it’s been around 7 years). i’m a mental wreck and for some reason i just want another thing saying it’s okay, you aren’t in the dark anymore. | ptsd |
Do any of you also not like being stoned because it makes your brain stop working? I feel like when I’m high, I can’t communicate very well. | aspergers |
So I'm(20F) very recently diagnosed (ADD) but this is a problem i've had for a long time. I absolutely love the feeling of falling for someone, love wanting them and the idea of being with them. But that's the problem- I love the *idea* of it.
Since I've been medicated for both my ADD and depression, I've been feeling pretty good about myself and life in general. There's someone that i've had a desire to be in a relationship with and I knew the feeling was mutual. The issue is they live quite a distance away, and we only get to meet up once a year. I happened to see them a couple weekends ago and the feelings towards them got much stronger. Finally I decided to enter into a relationship with them last night- and the regret was instant.
This has been a constant struggle. I end up wanting people so desperately, so badly, that I completely ignore the issues that stand in my way. And then almost instantly, I don't want it anymore. I hate it. I hate it so much.
I've heard that others with ADHD often feel as though they have partners just for the thrill of it, and then they get bored and don't want the relationship anymore. I fear I may be experiencing something similar, but I hate that. How will I ever actually fall in love with someone if I assume that every crush is just my brain getting some free happy chemical?
It's something I plan to discuss with my therapist, but I have to know. Has anyone had anything similar? I honestly feel like I'm just some kind of awful person for feeling and acting this way. I don't want to play with their feelings, but I can't picture this relationship lasting long. I've never been able to picture any of them lasting long. It's like I always knew deep down I only wanted to chase. I truly hate myself for that.
I was so sure it was real this time. I thought the medication might've helped. This sucks.
​
tl;dr: i wanna fall in love but my brain just wants the thrill of the chase | ADHD |
Hi all,
I feel a little shy posting anything because I don’t think my PTSD is as important as others’, but I need some advice. (And I know I shouldn’t measure my “level” of PTSD to anyone’s, but man, it’s hard not to.)
I’m not sure when this became a trigger of mine, it might have been from my time as an LDS missionary, but every time I do something wrong, either by accident or in-the-moment emotions, I melt into an inconsolable mess of sobbing and hyperventilation. I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, and I think it boils down to me being worried that whoever I’ve hurt or offended will want to leave or fire me. I’m so afraid of disappointing my loved ones.
This has become a bigger issue recently. I got married to the best person I know. He’s the love of my life and I am so happy with him! But every time we have even a tiny disagreement, I come unglued. He’s learned the best way to deal with this is to just give me space for a minute, and then hold me until I calm down. It’s such a change from what I’ve come to expect, though. One time he held me and told me he loves me and I tried to break out of his arms because “why aren’t you yelling at me.” It’s so exhausting for both of us.
I want to create an environment and a relationship where he doesn’t have to feel like he’s walking on eggshells to not have a discussion with me, but I’m so wired to expect either chastisement by way of screaming, or him to just leave that he doesn’t want to express his opinion all the time.
How do I work to rewire my brain to understand that this is a safe place and he isn’t going anywhere? I know this won’t be easy, but I want to be able to talk to him about anything and everything. I know he loves me so much, but wow. My brain is not ready to allow me to have healthy arguments. | ptsd |
I’ve been making this video series with my parents (both of whom are therapists) about different mental fitness strategies, this week's video aims to help us understand the symptoms & offer strategies for the path to recovery.
Hope you find it helpful :)
https://youtu.be/9-MtR\_5pwNI | ptsd |
I was raised pretty religious. But since I was a kid, none of what I read or learned made any sense to me... I was treated different... none of those rules seemed to apply to me... or make sense to people who are neuro-atypical. "god makes some people slow, as a lesson of empathy to others"... that line infuriated me... or how i heard from this one speaker "In my country, we chained people like that to the floors of the temple and prayed for them"... all types of gods seem to be ableist douchebags. He kills most aspies young. I'm not a part of your magic tricks.. leave me alone.
Repent? If anything god (if it exists) should beg US for forgiveness for how he and his world treated millions of aspies.
anyone else feel like that?
*update: 98% upvoted? I think we just stumbled upon a little-known fact about aspies... | aspergers |
This just happened.
I’ve been working on a film set for 15 hours. I’m exhausted and while I usually drive, today I lent the car to my boyfriend since our dog had puppy classes and it’s easier to take him in the car rather than have him do the 30 min walk to the pet class. It was supposed to rain when I agreed to give him the car, but suddenly the forecast changed and we had a beautiful fall day ahead of us. I decided to honour my word and let him have the car for the day. The problem is that I was in a difficult location with several parking lots and on a hill. I had a feeling he would get lost and he did.
After 15 hours my patience was running razor thin. Plus, another coworker asked to ride with me home. In the end my boyfriend could still not make his way to us after 20 minutes. I know he was trying but I was so frustrated since I told him to pick me up EXACTLY where he left me that morning and he couldn’t find his way back. Eventually, my coworker took the bus and I called an Uber that arrived in 3 minutes. I told my boyfriend to just meet me home. He was frustrated saying he is doing his best asking around for directions but there was a couple of shoots in the area and he keeps getting confused.
I am on the Uber typing this. I know I let impulsivity get the best of me. I feel like such an asshole but I couldn’t keep waiting in the cold after a 15 hour work day. | ADHD |
**tl;dr: Hi. I am male, 23 in Canada. I have been somewhat depressed and low self esteem my whole life. I had a serious bout of suicidal depression at age 15 and now another this year and still struggling. I am trying to figure things out, and I have a lot of characteristics of someone who experienced trauma, but I had a better childhood than most, so I am wondering if I did experience trauma?**
Age 0-4 was a lot of daycare and time spent with my grandpa (Who usually watched tv)
When I begun school, I was bullied a lot and struggled more than most to fit in, make friends etc. I was constantly having conflict with others and never had friends. I spent every single recess alone in a corner or playing by myself. I honestly dont understand why i became the only person in my grade to literally be so alone. In grade 2, I did not do any homework for months and kept lying about it until I finally got caught and my parents yelled at me, but my behaviour harldy improved. After school, I was at home with two older sisters and my parents came home late. Both parents spent most of the time watching tv or yelling and swearing at eachother. However on summer weekends, theyd take us to our cottage which was usually fun and we spent time together. My mom often felt non-existant to me and my dad used the most awful communication ever. He seldom swore directly at me, he never hit. But he used very mean sarcasm, cuts off conversation entirely, insults, extensive use of guilt tripping and gaslighting, I was constantly being accused of being selfish and uncaring about him and how he was a victim that was not valued enough, he did a lot of yelling and self pitying, many times the yelling was directed at me where I was called stupid etc.
In grade 5, there were new people in school and i wanted to try and make friends. I made a friend in gr.6. Gr 6 to 8, I participated more with others but still bullied a lot and pretty alone. By grade 8 (Age 14), my parents got divorced. My sisters werent surprised but I didnt see it coming. I slept at my friends house for two weeks and didnt come home. During this time of the divorce, my dad was such a horrible monster with endless shouting at me and my sisters, accusing us of being bad and selfish, how sabotaged he is. With my mom gone, I tried hard to please him and he had us do a lot of the cooking, dishes, chores, though he was never happy. I was also starting highschool and my friend went to a different one. I was alone again and scared, my self esteem sucked. I was failing everything, I began binge drinking like crazy often. I began self harming and eventually was hospitalized for planning suicide with a rope. Afterwards, I ran away to another country and spent a night in jail before returning. Nothing changed much. I barely made it through highschool, I had a short lived girlfriend and a few acquaintances through the girlfriend that all left me after we broke up. Then I hung out with drug dealers but never did marijuanna, I smoked cigarretes occasionally, drank a lot and did shrooms once.
Then I did 2 years of college that only had 300 students in a small town. I was bullied by almost everyone to the point of breakins and property damage and rumours being spread about me. I spent most of this time so, so alone, just video games, again I occasionally hung out with drugdealers but didnt do drugs, I was still suicidal and in so much pain.
Afterwards I moved to the other side of the country. I wanted to try all over again. I did 1 year of college that added on to my education and met so many new people and felt free. I felt happier, excited. I spent 4 years out here with different jobs and towns, i changed so much and had two good friends. Then I got a job working in canadas remote north, where i worked 12 hour days for 14 days straight with 4 days off, and in very remote locations away from home. Very little human contact except my coworker who had some authority over me. This scheduale deteriorated my social life completely, though i enjoyed the work. My coworker was addicted to cocaine and was heavily verbally abusive. He yelled and swore at me every day, constantly sabotaged me, threatened to lie about me and make me lose my job and had me do degrading pointless work and put me in highly dangerous conditions. I tried very hard to prove how good and smart and tough i am, but he was never satisfied, he was always a genius while i was a lazy useless dumbass. I got suicidal again after 2 years of no suicidal thoughts. The winter was coming and this man would make me freeze to death. I tried several times to complain to management and make changes, but they too more or less threatened to dock significant hours if i couldnt put up with it. I took shrooms again, I realized how shit my life and my self hatred was so immense. I spent many days over a month out at the end of a rural road with my shotgun in my mouth, half drunk, burning with rage against who I am. I finally confessed to my oldest sister and my dad after a few years of very little contact. They encouraged me to quit and move home. I said bye to friends and moved home, I kept trying to get a new job but my emotional pain was so strong, again I kept getting close to suicide and couldnt spend time alone without going crazy. After a few months, I landed a job up north again, I said goodbye and hoped this would fix things but after one week I felt even more pointless and alone and I was so close to shooting myself again but confessed and I went to the hospital for a second time. I was there a month because I was not improving from useless meds and i was receiveing no talk therapy, its been half a year and still reveived no therapy. I got some temp jobs, attempted a hanging but no one found out except that i got busted for drinking a full bottle of whiskey alone. My family helped me by getting me a dog who i love so much and is helping a lot. And now here i am, friendless, wasted education, unemployed, in parents basement. Still often considering suicide.
My happiest times in childhood were times spent with my grandpa and time at the cottage with family. My oldest sister has been an incredibly helpful intelligent caring support. Did I experience any kind of trauma? I never was hit or sexually touched, i wasnt poor, my family cared about us to spend so much time with us at our cottage. They did other things with us too. And since i moved home, they have been trying very hard to help me constantly and are supporting me. So i dont feel i can blame them for anything when almost everyone has parents with poor communication and they arent as fucked up as me. How can i sit here blaming them when they treat me better now and im living off of them. Thanks. | ptsd |
Yesterday I was having massive chest pain. It hurt with each breath... But it made me realise... I wasn't scared of dying. I didn't want to go to ER... Because if I die then what?
I'm feeling same today. I don't necessarily want to die. I just want to hibernate... Cease existing.... Not even sure how to describe this feeling. I just don't want to be. I don't want to stay alive, but I don't want to take my life.
Weird feeling... Like if I didn't wake up tomorrow I wouldn't mind... | depression |
Currently sitting here in a deep emotional flashback. I was diagnosed with CPTSD about 5-6 years ago and in that time, I had major surgery that was completely successful, but had me in the ICU for 5 days. I also had two minor, similar procedures that were basically outpatient, as well as numerous doctors appointments monthly for 2 years until I was stable enough to be left alone.
Regardless of the success with my procedures and the familiarity I have with medical stuff, I've become increasingly triggered in medical settings. I wake up from minor procedures screaming and inconsolable, I get overly nervous when I'm left in the exam room alone, I'm not able to complete even basic exams without fighting my way out of the office early.
I just walked out of an employee drug screening because my whole body froze up when I realized the nurse was just outside the door, listening and timing me. I came out and had to physically remove myself from her to try to get calm. She said she would tell my employer about my behavior and that I refused, and it took everything in me not to shove her aside to get my stuff back and run out of there like a headless chicken. So now all this is going to come out to my employer and I'll probably be at even worse advantage in the office, if I don't just straight up get fired. | ptsd |
I was recently diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and my psychiatrist asked me if I was diagnosed with ADHD or if I was suspected to have ADHD by my parents, friends etc.
I asked him why and he told me he noticed my constant fidgeting. I did not think it was a big deal but ever since that day I cannot stop thinking I might actually have ADHD.
I looked through the symptoms of ADHD and there are some instances that gives me an indication that I might have it and some that doesn't. For example I always find my attention jumping from one thing to another very quickly. I also have a lot of difficulties starting tasks I have no interest in. But these things never bothered me to an extent that it's disrupting my life. But I'm also aware many people with ADHD find ways to cope. Maybe I have developed coping mechanisms over time.
What are the things that I should be aware of that should make me go "yep I definitely should get diagnosed". Or are there any reliable questionnaires that tells me if I should pursue a diagnosis?
I'm not sure whether it's just the anxiety or whether I have some other undiagnosed stuff along with generalised anxiety disorder. I just want to get to the bottom of what's wrong with my brain because I'm so exhausted. | ADHD |
Ugh. I've been taking this this med for 3 days now during the day. When it happens, I get a really stuffy nose, a headache, and rapid heartbeat caused by the littlest movement. Did anyone else struggle with similar side effects? | ptsd |
Hi all,
I’m undiagnosed, f 25, currently attempting to get a diagnosis but it’s pretty hard here.
I just started a coding bootcamp and in all honesty, I’m really struggling. Not with the content, that’s fine, but with the way they ask/phrase challenges and questions. I know I’m not the only once, since a few other people on the course have ADHD and they’ve brought but it up too.
I was wondering if anyone had any tips or resources that helped them overcome before medication? I have asked the coaches to rephrase things a few times, but mostly I’m frustrated by feeling like the question is unclear even when I have asked for clarification.
Thanks in advance :) | ADHD |
Or at least top five. I'm a realtor, which is somewhat unique in terms of daily operations. Everyone thinks that this job is hosting open houses and taking buyers on home tours, basically what you see on House Hunters and the like. In truth that is an important but relatively minor part of the job. The big part of the job, big as in both the largest portion of my time and the most important thing, is lead generation and lead nurturing. This means coming up with, and successfully executing, long term lead campaigns. Email marketing, phone and text message follow up, social media content, mailers. Networking. Structured campaigns that run for weeks to months at a time, where every name I'm in flow with is at a different point in the campaign. It's honestly a huge toll on my executive functioning and attention span.
Couple the above with the fact that, as an independent contractor, I have no real oversight or boss. I have a broker who is nominally in charge of me, but I am literally free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, at any point in time. I answer to no one. The typical person is envious of that. You and I see it as a disaster waiting to happen.
I really do love the job because when I'm truly firing on all cylinders, I'm *great* at it. It's empowering, exciting, and every success, big or small, is mine and mine alone. But shifting up into fifth gear to have a day like that is massively draining when it's even possible. And just like the successes, every failure (and there are so many) is also mine and mine alone.
I'm not really looking for advice or help or answers. I just needed to shout into the void for a minute, and this void is kind and empathetic. Thanks for reading. I hope you have a great day. | ADHD |
So I compulsively make lists of things I should do because I worry about forgetting something important, but then I never start doing any of them.
I have like 20 Word documents on my pc from like 2 years about 2 thousand pages each of all these notes and what not. Thats more or less 40k pages...
I want to go back and review at least like the past 6 ish months or so to see what I actually should be working on, but thats still like 5 thousand pages and I've been procrastinating for months now...
I literally have an infinite 'to do list' that I can never organize or start on.
How do I start doing things? | ADHD |
Struggled for years with ADHD, and tried to get evaluated through a referral after the Navy years ago but was brushed off with “anxiety” so never followed up.
Anyway, my symptoms have seemed to have been getting worse the past many months and I had been meeting dead ends in trying to get an appointment in-network anywhere in a 100 mile radius. 50% of the providers said they were 6 months out to see any prescriber and 50% said straight up they couldn’t take anyone else on.
So I got super discouraged, stumbled down the rabbit hole of telehealth and made an appointment yesterday with a Dr. with Circle Medical. Let me reiterate, I found Circle health yesterday, made an appointment for the SAME DAY, and had my second appointment today. AMAZING!
My provider actually seemed to listen to me, and take my concerns seriously. Never really got the feeling of a “pill mill”, and just having a provider take me seriously was a huge improvement over what I’ve been used to in the past.
Got a prescription for 5mg Adderall put in today and a follow up appointment in two weeks to see how it’s going and tweak anything if necessary.
Great success!!
In summary: I couldn’t be more pleased with how quick, easy and smooth my experience this far has been with Circle Medical. Went above and beyond my expectations. | ADHD |
I'd say I had mild-moderate symptoms due to ongoing childhood trauma of the >!emotional and sexual abuse!< variety, but all the sudden I've seen a few cockroaches in my house and my symptoms have gone to severe-profound around the roaches. Like I'm having nightmares, flashbacks, etc. about the roaches, not about my trauma.
I was a kinda functioning adult before and now I can't use the dishwasher, I'm barely able to breach the perimeter of my house, I have to have lights on all the time, I'm not taking care of myself, I'm ridiculously on edge, and I'm just a general mess. WTF? It's just some bugs! (I mean, it certainly doesn't feel that way, but ultimately that's what it is.) Any insight or suggestions?
I'm working with my psychiatrist and counselor, but I figure it doesn't hurt to ask. Thank you. | ptsd |
How would one recognize habits and actions resulting from severe childhood trauma? I know I have PTSD from doctors and what not. So how can i dtermine the efects it has had on me? All i can say rn is that I'm a wierd person. But id like to reflect and learn much more about myself. Any ideas are welcomed :) | ptsd |
Not really a success but its interesting. I have not been on vyanse now for 2 weeks my dosage were 50mg. I stopped cold turkey out of nowhere. And i feel better i really do feel better. I thought i would be a mindless goblin of a human but im not its going good.
I still take lamotrogin for my mood problems. And honeslty this has made me Think. Could it be that i am miss diagnosed? I honestly Think i am more bipolar or fully bipolar. The medication for my mood problems helped more then the ADHD one. And that medication is for bipolar disorder.
Im going to talk to my doc see his view point on this matter. Sure i could up my vaynse dosage to 60mg but i kinda dont want to. I Will have too Think about this.
Also pls share your feelings on this. Have you also stopped and seen any improvments? | ADHD |
Like, when I do my compulsions, i don’t even do it out of anxiety, i just do it because i feel i have to or sometimes i would even do it subconsciously without even realizing it’s a compulsion. Same with intrusive thoughts, they piss me off, but they don’t give me anxiety majority of the time, only when they’re extreme. Obviously there are a couple of times where I do get anxiety, but for the most part i don’t. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with OCD, so I just wanna know if it’s normal | OCD |
Ive seen a couple posts about how ppl with ADHD tend to be rly good at scanning for danger on the road and preemptively stopping when they feel something is off only to be proven right.
I'm known as the Defacto driver of my friend group and am often praised for being so safe while i feel like I'm just driving normally. Given i am driving around the city of Miami and the drivers here don't exactly get the best reputation (can confirm everyone is insane).
I'm ALWAYS scanning my mirrors every few seconds and am very aware of the locations of cars around me basically at all times. Because ppl down here don't like using their signal lights I've also learned how to "read" other cars to determine where they intend on going. This has absolutely saved my ass a few times and a couple passengers have called me psychic for expecting something wack to happen after noticing another car driving kinda weirdly.
I also hate stopping on long car rides for anything other than refueling and using the bathroom, to the dismay of anyone i happen to be traveling with.
Do you guys have any experience with this? It's nice having a sort of boost in this aspect when ADHD tends to hold me back in other regards. | ADHD |
getting in the shower will bring me closer to going to school tomorrow and i dont want to go. | ptsd |
\-Holding doors open to people or them holding it open for me even if I know them
\-The same person noticing me buy from them multiple times and showing that they recognize me like "same order today?"
\-Smiling in photos, always feels like I'm trying to say "look how happy I am!"
\-Saying overly positive or too innocent things like "what a beautiful day!" "wow this country looks amazing!" or "best friends forever!"
\-Playing music out loud or anyone hearing my music
\-Saying morning, night, afternoon or whatever
\-Greeting people I know when walking past them, if I see them I try to avoid them seeing me unless I really wanted to see them
\-Anything affectionate towards friends and family like hugging, nicknames, saying I love you etc, just cringes me crazy
\-Singing songs around a campfire, have been near this kind of thing once but hopefully won't again cause it just looks people in real life trying to behave like they're in a musical which is odd, I think cheesy or cringy is the word for this
\-Funerals, these feel way out of the ordinary and seeing people sad who normally I don't see sad just feels odd to be at, probably might feel the same about a wedding but only went to one and don't remember it
\-Talking about history with people in this way: saying "we," when talking about the country we're from doing stuff in the past | aspergers |
I have had a really rough night and I feel so alone and down right now. I feel like I'm such a disappointment and burden. Does anyone wanna talk? | OCD |
What should i do. I had ocd for 10 years with various themes ( POCD , false memory) and after i tried LSD it developed into harm ocd. Sometimes i feel like sucide is the only answer as im not getting better with either therapy or meds. I exercise and eat healthy.
My therapist says we are doing ERP when i talk about my thoughts because its uncomfortable for me to talk about it. She also told me to write down my thoughts so she could analyze. Its not really very anxiety provoking. I dont know. She talks alot about my stress levels and that could worsening my ocd also she talks alot about my other diagnosis and how these diagnoses could worsening my ocd. I feel like im only feeling worse day by day. I also have mild hppd so microdosing doesnt seem like a good idea even though i feel its my last chance .
I felt a bit like i had a bit control over my ocd before i took lsd and got a massive panic attacks and sometimes i ruminate about the fact that if i wouldnt have taken lsd i would have been on close to the recovery . Please help how could ppl live with this torture | OCD |
I'm autistic ( and genderfluid ) and thinking of starting a movie review channel on youtube. It would probably mostly be about cheesy b movies with the occasional higher quality movie, from my ( hopefully ) unique perspective. Are there any openly autistic movie (or book or game, etc) review channels that I could watch to get an idea of what's out there? | aspergers |
This ones embarrassing so I’m switching over to my alt. I obsessively try to empty my bladder before bed and it is driving me insane.
Backstory:
I’m diagnosed with interstitial cystitis which is inflammation of the bladder. It makes you feel like you need to pee constantly, and sometimes you don’t empty your bladder fully. Even if it’s empty you get a full “ugh gotta pee bad” ache. Luckily, I got the symptoms in check for years and it stopped being a major issue. No major urgency, no needing to further empty my bladder. Until now.
For some reason or another, I absolutely must have my bladder fully empty before I let myself fall asleep. This used to mean peeing once vaguely around bed time.
Recently, I have to try and pee right before I get into bed, even if I peed 10 minutes before or I cannot relax. If I can’t pee the second time I think that I must have been mistaken and try again shortly after. I let myself get in bed at this point and do my bedtime routine of audiobook time. Usually I’ll get up once during it to see if I need to pee *now.* When I stop my audiobook I’m drowsy but need to be absolutely sure my bladder is empty and go try and pee again. Sometimes I do actually pee a little and then feel justified and empty enough to sleep. I’ve then lost the drowsiness.
I’m going to the bathroom 5+ times every night for an hour and it is getting fucking annoying.
Anyone else deal with this weird one? Not sure how ERP would even address this but I think it’s time to bring it up with my therapist. | OCD |
Hi, everyone. I’m new to this subreddit, but I wanted to pop by and ask if anyone has experienced this. I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD and sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, I get strange muscle spasms sort of? Usually I just shake my head really fast, but it’s involuntary and I can’t tell when it’s coming really. I guess it mostly happens at night when I’m trying to lie still and have a million thoughts running through my head. If you relate or know what this could be pls lmk :) thanks. | ptsd |
I’ve been feeling really depressed and anxious lately. My intrusive thoughts have been really bad since I was able to minimize my flashbacks. I’m going to my therapist and I’m working on myself and I’m doing my best to remain positive but I just feel like a burden to my friends and family especially if I feel like I need to talk about my intrusive thoughts because of how intense they get. Anyone else relate? Have you tried talking to your loved ones about feeling like a burden; if so did it go ok? | ptsd |
Morning (4am) today I’m going to play my game for a couple of hours actually no wait I’m gunna wash up first or shall I shower before I wash up actually I’m going to go outside and smoke a ciggy with a cup of tea before that..sounds like a nice start to the day… I’ll put the clean clothes away first and work my way through the house front to back or back to front which would be quicker…I’ll start side to side.I’m gunna play my game first actually and get that out the way…forgot about work daaaam its okay so 2 hours left till I have to leave for work but if I don’t leave soon I’ll be late.. call in sick then you can finish what you started…(mental block). Go to work at work call in sick so you can go home and finish what you started.. okay that sounds like a better idea least I’ve shown my face… nope not a good idea I can’t loose my job.. my jobs not the problem… okay did I take my meds today no I didn’t daaam it… should of remembered maybe I won’t be like this who knows..I don’t know so don’t ask me ask the others that complain about me all time they would know.. I still feel the same | ADHD |
I have been trying to understand the relationship of caffeine and serotonin and such.
Today I couldn't get out of bed. I'm not a regular coffee drinker but I randomly had the thought to jolt myself up with caffeine and I have been able to stay out of bed with a somewhat more balanced mood.
Now I imagine if I was a coffee addict the effect would diminish but could it temporarily help on bad days? | depression |
do you remember the episode of spongebob where squid wars convinces him to be normal and so he becomes very boring and normal? there’s a quote from it where he says “i smoothed out the edges of my personality and the rest followed easy” i feel like spongebob where i wanted to fit in so long and mask myself but then once i did i was left with a feeling of sadness and missing the person i used to be but idk how to be them anymore | ADHD |
My doctor just prescribed me Tenex or guanfacin, I haven't been on my meds for 4 years since I didn't feel like I needed it, now that I have begun to study again, I feel the disadvantage of not being medicated.
Last i was on meds they were strattera 60mg I believe, they worked the best after many tries with other meds which had too many side effects, they did however make me forget to eat and skip meals cause I didn't feel hungry, which is a bad side effect if you are almost near underweight to begin with.
Just reading a bit on Google it seems Tenex has a bunch of common side effects like difficult sleeping, low energy, dizziness and more, which seems worse then just skipping meals. I'm already a lazy fuck, I would hate to take meds that make me even more lazy..
What are you're experiences with Tenex or what meds have worked best for you? | ADHD |
my dad says it lots its like his go too.he never understands how easy it is for me to get overwhelmed than burst. he thinks its like a normal/NT thing where i get mad for no reason. i try to stick to a routine schedule he finds ways to get me to do other stuff that messes up. like ill do something fot him than ill miss one of my things forget bout it and forget the rest of it. i try to tell him to knock before entering my room he says its open. like wtf do i have to close my door all the time. he knows how hot it gets in my room cuz im on basement and our floors are heated. second i close door it becomes a sauna. | aspergers |
I constantly battle between the feeling of thinking I'm completely sure that I solved a mind riddle produced by my main obsession. Sometimes, the feeling is so intense that I get the impression I'm finally cured. But, of course, this only lasts for some hours or a day. It's never more than that.
Then, I have to battle with the same idea and, usually, I get to the exact same solving process I did the last time. And I get the exact same feeling of calm and "momentary cure".
It's like I can't escape from this loophole. And it usually stays like this because of the same mind riddle... I honestly don't know how to cope. I always seem to get drawn into the same exhausting thought patterns. And the "what ifs" are usually not new thoughts, but the same ones over and over. But they produce the exact same anxiety every time...
How do I stop this awful routine? | OCD |
I wanted to know if this is in any way related to ADHD or relatable at all.
So I’ve always had quite a vivid imagination - I’ve been drawing since young age, I think exclusively in video format (not even in pictures - all my “thought pictures” are moving), I remember letter and number sequences by their assigned color (i.e. “e” is pink, “t” is brown, “6” is green, “7” is orange, etc.), and I am 100% dedicated to getting a career in animation.
With that, over the past 4-5 years, my “imagination engine” has been getting more and more powerful - to such an extent that I am barely able to control it anymore. At any time when I’m not particularly busy, I zone out deep, with my mind being completely occupied by the dreams and fantasies generated by my imagination. I sit there for hours, almost motionless, and watch the spectacular film that I am technically writing, filming, voicing, and editing at the same time. And while this film is really entertaining, its runtime is endless, and it’s almost impossible to pause or turn off. This is making me unable to live my real life since I only ever “exit the theater” when some important event requires my immediate attention.
I tried many ways to fix it, but to no avail. Even when I artificially interrupt my thoughts with a task, my mind goes “oh no, anyway” as soon as I allow it to wonder just for a split second. Even watching news or speaking to someone doesn’t always help - if the news or dialogue is boring, my mind goes back to its own movie.
I was diagnosed with ADHD about two months ago, and the more I learn about the condition the more I suspect that maladaptive daydreaming and ADHD are connected - as any ADHD brain, mine is simply under-stimulated, so it generates stimulus for itself in the form of these extremely vivid fantasies. With that, I cannot be too sure since maladaptive daydreaming is not really well understood. So I want to know if any of you people have such situation as well and if yes, what helped you deal with it.
Thanks in advance!~ | ADHD |
I mentioned in u/goneinTX's post that I was starting my ketamine IV infusion treatments this week, and I wanted to post an update of my experience.
Background: I am 39 and have had CPTSD since I was probably five years old. I wasn't diagnosed properly until seven years ago. I, like many of you, have tried as many possible treatments and therapies in my battle with PTSD. I have done intensive therapy, hospitalization, been on countless meds, acupuncture, supplements, and Chinese herbal formulas, yoga, art therapy, self-help books and podcasts, IOP, all the big treatment modalities (DBT, ACT, CBT, etc.). My recovery has been very slow due to the severity and volume of trauma in my life. My therapist recommended ketamine infusion therapy and encouraged me to do research to see if I would try it. I was hesitant because we have a family history of substance use issues. My twin, as I've mentioned here before, was a heroin addict and alcoholic. My mother is addicted to fentanyl, and I have serious alcoholism on my father's side of the family.
After doing my own research, I set up a consult with the ketamine clinic, which happens to be part of my primary care doctor's practice. Knowing that my doctor and my medical history was already known helped set my mind at ease, and I was more receptive to the idea. The clinician with which I did the consultation was extremely knowledgeable about the science behind the ketamine therapy and was patient and compassionate as I asked many questions.
My fears about addiction or having a bad trip were assuaged when he explained that the dosing is based on weight and is done in such a small amount as to only give you the controlled dissociation experience for 25-30 minutes. The ketamine dissipates quickly from your system as well.
I've never done psychedelics before because of the history of drug abuse in my family. I smoke cannabis regularly but have never done anything harder than that. My first treatment was quite an experience, and I felt like it was somewhat pleasurable. I experienced some of the intense shifting colors and feeling of weightlessness you would associate with like an acid trip or something. I felt pretty queasy after this treatment and out of it for most of the day. Sleep was difficult on the first night. I did have some things that came up during my experience that I processed in therapy the next day.
The second treatment was less pleasurable and more dark and sad. I cried several times during dissociation and felt extremely despondent after. Again, I processed much of this in therapy the next day (I go twice a week) and did feel like I achieved some mental clarity. I still had trouble sleeping.
Yesterday was my third treatment, and I think the most impactful one so far. I reexperienced a major trauma (CSA) but in a safe environment. Sadly, I had some disturbing specific memories resurface that I will need to address in therapy. Having trauma resurface or repressed memories come up was also one of my big concerns. My therapist and the ketamine clinicians did say that this could happen, but it will be in a safe and secure setting. Once these memories are unlocked, it means I can work through them.
I've read that there is usually a treatment wherein you walk out feeling like something has shifted, or you feel "lighter." I think yesterday's treatment was my turning point. I have three more treatments until I go into maintenance. I am eager to see how I feel after about the 5th treatment.
Some other takeaways and learnings for me: I had to double up on Zofran for nausea. I have a lot of health issues, and my body is sensitive to everything. I find that making sure you are hydrated help, as well as having a small meal a couple of hours before treatment. I tried medical cannabis to help me sleep; it did not help after the first two treatments. I had a restful night's sleep after yesterday's session.
I found it helpful to have a sweater to drape over your shoulders and do accept a blanket if they offer it to you.
I did get bruising at the IV site because my anti-depressant makes me bruise and bleed more easily.
Please feel free to ask me any questions!
tl:dr - started ketamine infusion therapy for treatment-resistant PTSD. I had a good experience so far and felt like it is going to be a game-changer for my recovery. | ptsd |
Agh agh, I cannot seem to maintain a happy medium, I either cannot share anything vaguely private, or I burden someone with too much information. If I have overshared, is it better to just pretend nothing happened, or apologize and ask them to forget what I said and not to worry? | aspergers |
So my daughter (who is 7), has recently been diagnosed with adhd. We’ve been doing all of her schooling online since the pandemic hit, however, after the winter break I’m planning on her returning to in-person learning.
This is all new to me so I’m not sure how to navigate things like asking for accommodations or getting an iep or 504 plan in place. Who should I be speaking to at the school to get the ball rolling with that? What accommodations should I be asking for? Who decides what accommodations she needs or are appropriate? I have no idea what to ask for or what is even an option. She is working with a counselor currently so I’ll be asking her about this at her next appt.
Any help would be greatly appreciated! I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole idea of sending her back and have no idea where to start. | ADHD |
I have this issue where i just ignore people (colleagues, now ex-friends, and family). I cant muster up the effort to socialise,
I dont socialise at all ( or it seems i am unable to socialise). If someone asks me a question i will answer them, at work i will do my work. But because i dont socialise i come across as unprofessional because of this.
I try not to show emotion. I am very quiet. It has been this way since 2018. before i was normal(er)
I think i have given up on some aspects of life? I really cant figure out what it is. | depression |
Hi brains,
​
tl/dr: Is benefiting from an increased stimulant dose during comorbid winter SAD a thing? As my SAD symptoms increase my struggles with working from home are reminding me of pre-meds me. The depression itself isn't terrible, but the fatigue and brain fog make my focus -- especially on challenging things like work -- absolute trash. Could I benefit from (and/or should I advocate to my psychiatrist for) an increased Adderall dose? Or should I just consider increasing my Prozac or adding another like antidepressant like Wellbutrin? Thanks for your thoughts!
\*\*\*
Some very quick mental history context: was diagnosed a little less than a year ago with ADHD, as well as seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and general depression and anxiety. I'm on 20mg fluoexitine (AKA prozac) and 15mg adderall regular release.
I live in Alaska and the lack of daylight and winter cold is already having a very noticeable effect on me, and historically my worst months are around Jan-Feb. This has me worried as I'm seeing a pretty clear impact on my work. I have therapy weekly. I've been trying to wake up in the mornings consistently and use an LED SAD light for 15 minutes every morning. I do 100 pushups a day and try to force myself to go on walks (though winter just sucks ass sometimes and it doesn't happen). This more or less covers what my strategy/treatment plan through the winter has been.
I'm a freelance graphic designer and a lot of my work is self-structured. This is obviously a challenge for anyone, let alone someone with ADHD, and the difference between me on or off my meds is, financially speaking, kind of wild. Because my income is more or less directly tied to my ability to engage with work and seek out billable hours, I easily make 3-5x as much money as I did before going on my meds.
While I'm definitely in a better spot financially now, I still have a lot of financial anxiety, and in general my ability to show up and perform at work is very important to me. So, my increased difficulties with focus and motivation have had me a little worried.
Today I was really stressed about my workload and took a double dose of my adderall (30mg) in hopes that it would just help me actually focus. It... seems like it definitely did. I've been pretty easily productive and the brain fog is noticeably better.
So, my guess is that with the winter seasonality affecting me, I have lowered dopamine, so my ADHD symptoms are being exageratted. My increasing my dose, it's putting me closer to what I experience as "me" during the summer months on my medication.
Is that a thing? I'm struggling to find much literature on the connection between ADHD and season depression. If you guys have any input or suggested references, I'd really appreciate your help! | ADHD |
I’m in the process of getting a neuropsychological evaluation done for a clear diagnosis on my ADHD, I was diagnosed before by two different psychiatrists but my school wants an evaluation for proof. I talked to my insurance company and they said they covered these evaluations, then I look through their policy statements and apparently if the evaluation is primarily for diagnosing and evaluating ADHD it doesn’t count as medically necessary?? What’s up with that?
I can’t afford to shell out thousands of dollars to help with maybe having a normal college year for once, in which i already throw thousands of dollars away to in the form of loans, grants, and debt.
I really thought I was close to finally getting fully diagnosed, this has been a 2 year process. I’m tired and burnt out from pushing myself to keep going and keep seeking different doctors. I have a scheduled evaluation already with a neuropsychologist too.. I’m wondering if I should just cancel it and keep looking. I’m waiting back on my insurance right now for further answers but I feel like this policy statement is conclusive. | ADHD |
I(20m) will soon (if all goes well 1-2 months) start taking my own medication (5mg at first) and here comes the question
What should i prepare for? Should i have my expectation as high as being able to hang out with people without being annoying (I talk way too much and go way too in depth in topics) or not having to constantly have the dopamine boosts from random yt combined with some fast paced game to feel good? Or will it be more like just calmer mind like after a workout?
I know its subjective most likely but hey, whats wrong with hearing about some people experiences
Edit1: Thank you all for the answers! <3 i am already slowly doing some java course and getting rid of caffeine from my surroundings so hearing that it really lets you focus more (even on bad things ik) fills me with hope ^^ Have a good week everyone | aspergers |
It started a few months ago, then went away, but just recently came back. Sometimes I feel that I'm not blinking 'properly' so I blink again, but 90% of the time, that blink wasn't satisfactory so I blink again, but harder. It's an endless cycle, and even once I get the 'perfect' blink, it will set off again just seconds after the previous completion. I've been having a lot of issues with this happening while I'm driving, luckily I can carpool with my boyfriend 3 days of the week, but I still have to drive to his house. My college is 30 minutes away, and I spend a majority of time trying to focus on the road and not my blinking, which gets so hard I sometimes have to force my eyes open. I've never crossed the median during these fits, or went off road, but I fear I might accidentally. I don't know what to do, because I have to attend school in person for specific classes, no other way around it.
Does anyone else have anything like this? I picked it up from a cousin of mine a long time ago who naturally had the squeezing blink, if that makes any sense. When I remembered it, I began doing it uncontrollably.
I have not put anyone in danger, not even come close to it, I am able to focus when a car is near me, but it's when I'm alone on the road that this happens. | OCD |
I can't do anything productive when I have something to do at a later time.
I don't know if this makes sense. For example, I have a class at 1 pm, I can't focus and do other productive tasks in the morning. All I do is wait for that certain appointment or schedule. It's as if I'm thinking I can't do anything until I finish this future task. I'm not diagnosed or anything, I'm just wondering if this is common? | ADHD |
i was thinking of ways to describe how i feel with ocd and the underlying idea is i always feel like im in a cycle. i tend to be able to break my current themes after a couple months, but then something new or old always pops back up, and it gets worse more and more until i break it again
this has lead me to come to this description:
i feel like a set of strings slowly getting more and more tangled up as i go along, and eventually i untangle myself, but the process of getting more and more tangled up always starts again | OCD |
My sensory processing issues have caused me problems in the past however my hypersensitivity to fabric is borderline debilitating sometimes. It's concentrated around my chest/neck area and it means I physically cannot wear any clothing that covers/restrains this area without feeling incredibly stressed/uncomfortable, even loose shirts that cover this area are too much for me to wear. I'm at the end of my tether with this problem as sometimes the area feels uncomfortable even if i'm not wearing anything and it's making me miserable and stressed. Does anyone have any resources/recommendations for managing this kind of problem? | aspergers |
I have doubted for several months that I have ADHD. I have already planned a visit to the doctor because I have absolutely every symptoms and it all together explains all my life problems. As I searched for more information on ADHD, I also accidentally searched for autism and found out that I have many specific traits of autism. For example, I have a very good long-term memory in the sense that even from deep childhood I remember very detailed pictures, albeit with a bad short-term memory. Is it more of an ADHD symptom, autism or both?
\[Also I have always had difficulty communicating with people, but at the moment I am not sure if it is because of autism or ADHD and comorbid anxiety.\] | ADHD |
I'm thinking of telling my psychiatrist I give up. I feel like no matter how many different pills they put me on, or how many sessions of therapy I go to I'll always want to die and I'll always hate it here | depression |
i feel stuck in life in a constant state of worry because of the negative thoughts and emotions cycle that i’m currently in, i can’t really do much but sit around all day and wait until my ocd starts to give me a break so i can do things but it always returns and it feels a bit harder and it makes me feel kind of dumb like i can’t interact fully with the world around me, i’m lucky i live with my parents or else i’d be totally screwed, do any of you have any advice that’ll make this a bit more bearable? is there anything i could start doing on my own right now? | OCD |
So, I traveled to and from my radiation treatment by bus today. On the way there, there was this guy playing a guitar and singing loudly(shouting at times), but because he was towards the back of the bus he didn't annoy me much.
The journey home wasn't the same. The same guy was on the bus and because I need to sit up front I was there. He was up front and singing (shouting) and playing again. I covered my ears cause the noise was hurting.
He said to a friend that I was rude.
I told him that I wasn't being rude, the noise was hurting my ears.
He apologised and didn't sing again. I told him that he could sing, I didn't mean to stop him. He said he'd sing softly but he never did until he got off the bus. | aspergers |
Uh, this is long. Sorry.
[27F] I think what's finally made me snap and post here is that finally, after 4 years of putting it off out of just general anxiety, I went to the doctor for my physical and tried to ask for help. And basically the answer I got was that since I wasn't obviously suicidal, the best he could do was offer me a list of therapists to call (ha.) and talk to. The real joke was that more than half the list of recommended therapists were for children and adolescents. 🙃
Prior to going to my pcp, a couple months ago, after talking with my friends and inquiring about their experiences with therapy (general consensus: mixed to not very effective), I tried to tell my mom that I was feeling depressed, and she responded by screaming at me that I had nothing to be depressed about. I told my dad that I was so stressed my hair was starting to thin and fall out, and he genuinely did not believe why I could possibly be so stressed.
More recently, my mom made a snide comment, "as a joke", how I have no life. I was hurt and annoyed and tried to brush it off as she usually does nag me about why I'm still single when she was married with a kid already at my age. But then yesterday, one of my dearest and closest friends also made an offhandedly harsh "no life" "joke" at me, which he apologized immediately because he knew that was rude as hell, but it still stung and I can't get it out my head.
I don't even know anymore, honestly. I'm not currently suicidal, and I haven't been actively suicidal in ten years. Though I feel like for the past decade I've just been existing, doing what everyone has ever told me to do, accomplishing things to the best of my ability, and I still feel miserable and frustrated. I thought I was doing so well despite how I was feeling, because I was going through the motions of being a responsible adult with my job, my own place, I graduated with honors with my masters degree this year (and have a job in my field).
I feel like I've usually been in stable romantic relationships until I break them off, and since my last one I ended a year ago, I just honestly haven't felt any desire to be with anyone--something my mom in particular takes personally and berates me for every time I see her. I feel like my friends are also trying to push me towards another romantic relationship, which makes me feel like I'm a burden on them. Or maybe they think I have no life because it doesn't revolve around another person? I personally identify as asexual, and finding partners who respect me as a person and not some object who's only value is in the sex I can provide takes a lot of time and energy--likewise, going on several dates and repeatedly being told that any interest in me is lost when sex isn't obviously on the table is demoralizing.
I don't even know what I "want" in my life anyway. I feel like prior to the pandemic, my daily routine left me busy enough where I wasn't trapped in my own mind all day every day, but I've been in max telework since March 2020 and I've noticed now how rapidly I've declined. Everything that used to bring me joy no longer does. I have no motivation to do much of anything. This past year I've noticed to my own detriment that my fatigue has gotten worse. Nearly every other week I'm glued to either the bed or the couch physically unable to move because my whole body and mind just feel exhausted, but even then I can't sleep. I run on maybe 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and a lot of coffee. A couple days a month, I have a strong desire to not sleep at all, so I sleep even less until I finally crash from complete exhaustion. I know this isn't sustainable and I have no idea to how break out of it...part of my reason to seek help from my pcp who proceeded to refer to me to child and adolescent therapists.
I've even tried different types of exercise, meditation, going outside for the good old nature air for X amount of time per day, attempting to try new things only to never finish them. My attention span has certainly dipped this past year, as well as my memory. I even changed my entire diet to be healthier. My pcp noted that I'm in great physical condition. Which is great, I guess, except my mind is like a mix of static white noise and screaming all the time.
I don't know. I don't even know how to put into words how I feel. Existing, being alive, but not living, but I don't even know what it is I want to be alive for/to do. | depression |
I forgot something hugely important today, basically it was an assignment where I had to critique someone else's work.
I forgot it completely, I knew it was going to happen last week, and I forgot it.
I know that it's because of ADHD, I know it's not that important in life, but I feel like I just killed someone.
I mean, this is someone else's art, their work that they put time and effort into and they loved and it was clearly so important to them. I wanted to say things about it, I wanted to discuss it, but I fucking forgot. I killed their time and when I apologized they said that it was cool and thanked me?
How? How the fuck can they just blow this off, how the fuck? I'm a fucking horrible, narcissistic piece of shit, I treated their work like it wasn't worth the ten minutes of time it would take to me to read and write a solid critique, and they just say that it's fine?
I know that the reason I'm writing this is becuase my OCD is seeking reassurance, or maybe punishment. I know that the only reason I could ever actually be this sorry is because I really just want to excuse this on my mental illnesses and shove the responsibility onto my broken brain. I am not this genuine, no one is, and I know that by even saying this it's just me begging for someone to say that I am.
So why the fuck is it that the only time in the past two years that I've been able to cry over anything has been when I fucked something up for someone? I genuinely feel so horrible, it just proves why I need OCD, so that I can be punished for the weight of how horrible I am. I need my brain to keep hurting me, because I keep hurting other people through blind ignorance and stupidity. I need OCD to keep me in check, because I just wander through life, without a care in the world, and fuck everything up around me unless I am managed. I need this mental illness to manage me, to make sure that I never hurt anyone like this again.
I'm utterly fucked up, and everyone else is so fucking beautiful. They're all so creative, wonderful, kind, thoughtful. They truly are, in so many ways, perfect. But I keep ruining things for them, conversations, art, time, I take it all and rape it with my shitty shitty brain.
I don't even know what this is anymore. Public flagellation or attention seeking or whatever. But I just want to say something.
I wish I could just be a human being with a good brain that helped people. I always wish I was them, but instead I'm me. | OCD |
Hi all,
I’m posting this because I’ve been having a pretty rough time with Pure O lately. Mainly, I just want to ask if others have experienced anything similar. Unfortunately with more “obscure” forms of OCD, it is harder to find anecdotes that one can relate to.
Some of the things I’ve been going through recently:
Yesterday I was at the gym, and was listening to music. The internet cut off, and I got really annoyed. At that same moment, some guy stood next to me and in a split second my mind was like “wtf is this guy doing here” and I automatically moved my body a bit towards him, but I didn’t bump into him. Immediately, I felt panic: why was I pissed off at this random guy standing next to me? Why did my body move in his direction, and it felt deliberate?
I tried to dismiss the thought as ocd, and then another thought came up: “maybe if you move toward him a little bit, you can test to see if you remember having done it deliberately before.” And then the thought right after: “if you move towards him as a way to test your memory, then you are now really doing it deliberately!” And then I proceeded to ruminate over whether or not I had even moved towards him as a “test,” or if that in itself was just a thought.
This has sort of been the new theme of my OCD: ruminating over whether or not I did a compulsion that is a lesser or much more subtle version of the thing that I fear, and that in turn means that I was at the very least beginning to do the thing I fear (and the conclusion being, I must be a horrible person).
Another example: while I am working, I’ll have the initial fear that I may type something offensive. Then, I will have the thought that “well maybe if I begin to type it, I can sort of remember by muscle memory if I did it before.” And then more panic, “oh my god, did I just listen to my ocd and actually begin to type this? I must be stupid!” And then it spirals into a cycle of trying to remember if I did THAT.
I’m really sorry if this is incredibly confusing, I’m exhausted. Thanks for taking the time to read. | OCD |
Thinking of starting medication for the first time in my life in my 30s. I know medication is not the magic cure, but am hoping it will make me a better person to be around.
Specifically, did medication improve your ability to focus when someone else is talking? Limit impulsive comments and be able to actually sit down at a cafe and eat food whilst conversing (without feeling so angsty?)
Were you less annoying to family, partners and the like?
And how long did it take for you to find the right medication? | ADHD |
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