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There’s a video going around of a woman putting nair in her boyfriends hair wash. It triggered me to the point my stomach dropped, I almost started crying, started shaking and my bowel loosened because of how sick on the stomach it made me. I had to tell myself I never did that to anyone and I will never.
I still feel sick and fighting back a crying spell just thinking about that tik tok. I still feel like I did it and trying to erase the memory of seeing that.
My brain is also making up false memories of me putting something in my ex food. I know I never did that, but I have the urge to text him sorry a million times. My mind is sick, I don’t want a weak brain anymore | OCD |
I'm really struggling with obsession and politics I can't stop looking up a certain issue.... Its constantly in my head, hoping that it's changed. I end up awake at night unable to sleep over it. I can oushbit off for a few days but then it comes back... I just can't seam to find a way to not obess over it. Any ideas guy? | OCD |
I’m currently 33 years old, I’ve had only 2 girlfriends, and have been single for 8 years now. On top of that I’m still a virgin. I’ve gone on dates but it never goes past the first date. I have hyper fixation on being intimate with someone. I want a girlfriend but it’s not like I need one. I just want to have fun and be casual and if it turns into a relationship that would be awesome. But I have no idea where to even go to find someone. I don’t drink so the bars out of the question. It feels like I’m gonna be stuck like this forever. I don’t know where to turn for advice. It doesn’t help that my adhd obsesses over this. I’d love to meet someone who goes through similar things as me. | ADHD |
OCD has stolen my peace of mind about myself and who I am for years. But this past year has been by for the worst with constant rumination. | OCD |
Because that's what I'm doing right now! I'm in the bathroom of my school and after realizing that I was shaking. Still am. Schools are kinda like a trigger for me I guess you can say. I never feel safe in them because of the years of bullying (physical and verbal abuse daily) so Im always on alert. Don't know why because its fucking college and were all adults but still humans are humans and some are SHIT.
Anyways I'm shaking, my heart is racing, hard to concentrate, hard to breath, and in the bathroom to calm myself down a little. Had to write this because writing this stuff down helps me think and look at my emotions. Helps me feel human I guess? I don't know. | ptsd |
I have some very serious Problems with talking to other people. If there is conflict I want to avoid it if there's a difference of opinion I get very scared im going to be attacked. This usually results in me getting very upset with the other person and doing things that are not really justified. Acknowledge that I have this problem but i dont know what to do. Because whenever someone trys to talk to me and they do it in the wrong tone, or enviorment my hands will start shaking uncontrollably and my body will feel like its on fire.
Its mix of anger and intense fear and the shaking is new the shaking started after losing peoples trust and when having arguments became "expected" many don't know this but im also trans and lgbt and i can't even get along in my own communitys because my ptsd is so server that any little thing done wrong will trigger me to defence which ends badly. I dont know what to do about this or if other aspies experince it. And i feel quite alone i often get told to stimm, do something relaxing take a brake but none of it has worked and it usually just continues to bottle up.my.emotions. im rural to so therapy isn't an option here there is a tiny list quilified for my needs and i've seen them all for months its resulted in nothing. I still look on ocassion but its always the same people and has been for 5 years. | aspergers |
Whenever I’m with people, I feel one way or another I’ll be annoying to unbearable levels.
I just feel I’m unbearably annoying to hang around with and not worth getting to know. It’s that kind of thoughts that get me think of suicide as the only option. | depression |
TW: sexual assault, abusive relationships, grooming
I am struggling deeply with depression, anxiety, and panic disorder. I always thought that I was not traumatized by past issues but I don’t know anymore.
Long story short: I “dated” someone in college when I was 14 (looking back it was a lot of grooming, did not have any sexual relations with this person, though).
Fast forward to age 16 and I dated someone who was 20. It was a very, very emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. He ostracized me from my friends and family. He would lock me out of his house, call me horrible names, accuse me of cheating, etc.
Fast forward half a year and I start working at a place, under a 27 year old. First sexual encounter was rape. I apologized after for not being receptive to his advances. We date. It’s again emotionally abusive. He cheated on me. Abused drugs. Made me feel big then small. I broke it off with him. He got me pregnant. I had an abortion at 18 years old.
Now I’m 25 and struggling. Therapy has not helped me very much, but it may be because I tell every therapist that I am unaffected by these events. I don’t know where to turn, my boyfriend thinks I may be suffering from PTSD. Please help. Any and all advice or questions are welcome. | ptsd |
There isn't a single good thing about me. I'm incredibly stupid, I have no talents, I've been single for life, I'm a gay furry, I'm constantly bedbound by a heart condition that nobody believes I have, nobody ever contacts me, I'm on the verge of sheer debt, I can't work, I had to give up my pets, I'm so incompetent that I've been fired from voluntary jobs, I am frequently called mad, everyone laughs at me in the streets on the occasion I can go anywhere, I had a nerdy look and voice, no physical strength at all, and I just lie on my bed hoping that someday everything will change.
I've never once succeeded at anything in my life. I'm a total failure at everything I do, even basic things like tying my shoes or bathing properly. In decades of trying to do better at things, I still do worse than absolute beginners. My family wants nothing to do with me, I only have 1 friend left and I'm pretty sure I'm a covert narcissist, the lowest of the low in society. I just take take take, I never give back. I manipulate even if I don't mean to, I lie out of habit. I'm evil.
There isn't a single redeeming thing about me. I just let the days pass, because I don't have the courage to make them stop myself. I'm done trying my hardest for no results, but also hate being lazy and hoping that someday my prince will come. I literally have nothing to live for, yet I keep living because I even lack the courage to do anything about that. | depression |
I have to constantly ask people to repeat themselves because I have a very difficult time sometimes putting together what they said and trying to make sense of it.
I can hear them just fine and we're speaking the same language but for some reason my brain just can't compute what they are trying to communicate.
I have had several coworkers purposefully say nonsensical things to me, wait for me to ask "what?" And then slightly change what they said until they and usually others around me are all laughing at me.. I try to go with it and laugh, but it really bothers me, and on a few occasions I've snapped at people and told them it's not funny, or worse.. ugh..
The worst is when people get my attention and then mouth words to me while not actually making any sounds.. does this happen to anyone else? I get that it can be frustrating to talk to someone like me and have to repeat yourself 2-3 times before I understand, but is it right?/okay? to purposefully tease me?
I don't have any difficulty processing the information once I have it, it's just getting the verbal information that I struggle with.
Also, I only seem to have this issue sporadically, it's not 100% of the time. Maybe more like 10%-15% of the time. | aspergers |
So I have a LEGO Daily Bugle in my room and it was something I got myself for Christmas. However, a friend recently told me that girls might not find it attractive if I have it in my room. It's not a bad thing to be into LEGO, but it's apparently weird? I got a bit offended.
Further into the discussion, I talked about how I hated haircuts because I was afraid of looking like a fuckboy. I grew my hair out for over a year and I cut it a couple of months back. My friend then told me that there are plenty of people with haircuts that aren't fuckboys. And having long hair might make me look disheveled and lazy.
I'm also not a fan of Drake, but I live in Toronto. You know... the place where almost everyone likes him? My friend encouraged me to conform a little and see what other people like. Doesn't mean I have to like it, but he thought I should just give their interests a chance. In other words, I just gotta quit being so judgemental. | aspergers |
please tell me cause i’m close to taking medication | OCD |
ive done a lot of thinking lately. i experienced a 4 day long adhd shutdown and ive been able to admit to myself that im hard to love and I'm not someone anyone should be around. So ! ive told my closest friend that i didnt want to know her anymore for her own good and she respected my decision. i dont deserve to be her friend and ive brought nothing but pain to her and the people closest to me. im tired of hurting them. its a hard choice but i really think its better for the people i love to not be near me. still i am sad but i know its for the best. | ADHD |
35yo male, feel like I might have ADHD or something related. Most stories on this sub I can relate to and without going into detail on my own experiences, I know I need to see a professional. Maybe I'll write that in a comment if I feel up to it.
I don't have a very positive outlook on GPs due to a mixed bag of average to poor attitudes around mental health for myself and friends I've helped, so I don't feel hopeful about going to my GP. Earlier this year when I was going to counselling, my counsellor told me "you don't strike me as having anything like ADHD, and many doctors in New Zealand don't agree that it's a real thing". But - he only ever saw me in the quiet comfort of his office so his judgement is totally subjective. And the comment on doctors is irrelevant because even if true, knowing that doesn't help me move forward.
Does anyone know if there is something/someone online (in any country) who I could talk to that specialises in this? I just feel like I have no idea where to start and what steps to take. | ADHD |
My depression often leaves me with the pervasive desire to just disappear. It’s not even a dark or sad feeling, I just want the world to pause. As if I’m on a carousel and everyone is having fun while I just want to throw up and get off. But it never stops. When I feel like this, I often turn to sleeping or overstimulating myself.
That being said, in general, I would say I have a lot of things going for me. I do genuinely love myself and I have empathy for myself. I have amazing friends, a good relationship with my family (not mentioning the occasional hiccups that every family has) and I have a job that I somewhat like.
When people get to know me or see my social media, they think my life is fun and that I am fun. I could never tell anyone that I spend most of my days in bed. I can spend months like this without getting bored.
And how would anyone ever know? It’s too embarrassing to tell anyone I live like this (although I wouldn’t even call it living at all). I manage to do the necessary things to function in society. My sense of responsibility to show up at work and perform is stronger than my depression. Which I am grateful for, it keeps me going somehow. But I know that life passes me by, not just in my job but in life in general. I just do the bare minimum that I can manage right now and that leaves me feeling empty.
My depression was never particularly dark, even when I’ve had long periods of not showering, not brushing my teeth - months of not being able to leave my bed and being unable to answer calls or even text messages. But again - it was not a sad time, I didn’t cry. I was desperate and miserable but it was more about the feeling of not caring, not finding meaning in anything. The strong sense that something is really off but also not knowing what to do about it.
At the moment my depression is more „high functioning“ and for a long time I thought I wasn’t even depressed anymore because I can keep up with life somehow but lately I realized that I am still severely depressed. I know that because of that desire I have to disappear.
When I try to envision my future, there is nothing. Every future scenario that I try to envision myself in, makes no sense in my head. It’s hard to explain, but when people talk about things they want to achieve or what they want in life, I realize that the emptiness that I feel when it comes to the future is not normal. I genuinely don’t care if I have a relationship, children, a house - for all I know I wouldn’t even care about the world ending tomorrow. Not in a negative way, it is just an utter indifference that I feel.
What makes me sad is that I have not always been like this and I miss myself. I love people who can be passionate and obsessive about seemingly meaningless things, people who have dreams and plans for the future. I want to be one of them again, I want to live my life caring about things, living in the moment, having aspirations and dreams. In no way do I mean that in a unrealistic way, I know that sadness and negative feelings are just part of life as the beautiful things. I guess I just haven’t felt anything for so long that I just want to feel something.
It feels like life is right in front of me, at the tip of my fingertips but I can’t reach it, I can’t participate. I try to eat healthy, I work out, I try my very best to get better but I just can’t seem to get out of this.
I just want to feel „normal“ again and I desperately want to get better.
And finally, I am not sure if anyone takes the time to read this or if anyone can relate, but it feels good to put my inner chaos out in the open.
Much love. ♥️ | depression |
Context:
I was diagnosed at 11, but only recently have I (28M) begun looking into Aspergers and realizing how big of a role it’s played in my life, how my brain is wired, and how I see the world. This started with me reading Divergent Mind (I’m still working my way through the book), but I’ve always preferred fiction, and I would love to read about characters that I can relate to, who may help in my own self-discovery (or even just enjoyment). Which leads me to...
The Questions:
- Are there any good fictional books about a gay male character with Aspergers? Or maybe some characters who feel like they may be on the spectrum even if it’s not explicitly stated? I lean towards things with magic/superpowers but am open to any good books, especially if they lead to insight on Aspergers (I’ve already read most TJ Klune books - thought I’d mention this even though the only explicitly stated neurodivergence is adhd, his characters often feel neurodivergent)
- If not, I’ll take any great book recommendations for a non-gay character with aspergers.
- Also, if there are any nonfiction must-reads I should look into, please let me know!
(If you can specify which category you’re recommending for, that would be great!)
Thanks in advance! | aspergers |
I can't sleep or get their voices out of my head. I close my eyes and it's nightmare after nightmare and I wake up and it's been minutes. I feel like someone is always watching me outsid my room like they did inside there I'm 18 and I don't know what to do | ptsd |
Long story short I've served as a firefighter for 11 years, 6 on this department. I got offered a position on another department (call->part time/career) and was cornered by my Chiefs and LT about it. They forced me to choose either their department or the new one. So I chose the new one and was going to remain on this one til the end of the year to continue helping out. Chief blocked contact with me, as did my LT and others who I have trusted with my life the last few years. I'm not suicidal but lately I've really been thinking if it'll make it easier..because I am really hurt by this and honestly I don't know how much longer I can hold onto the remaining strand of stability I have mentally. I know I won't do it..I couldn't do that to my fiance or family. Just when will the tables turn in my favor? Damned if I do damned if i don't. Thanks for reading. | depression |
Today for example I, (f26) wanted to listen to adeles new album. I haven’t heard it, but by the time I got to open Spotify I was already bored of the idea and didn’t bother.
It’s like this even with my favourite songs.. in the 5 seconds it takes to open the app, I’ve already sang the chorus in my head, simultaneously thinking about what to have for dinner, the house being a mess and them I’m bored, close the app and stare at the wall.
My friend recommended I run myself a bath. So I did. I lit a candle, sat in and put a timer on for 5 minutes to force myself to try and relax (juxtaposition I know)
MOMENTS later my brain was screaming “BOOOORING”
Then my internal monologue was singing and saying along the lines of “you’re in the BATTTTH beee dooo bop, bathhh, this is borrrringgg”
So I got out.
Same goes for reading. I did once enjoy it. Now my brain is saying “you’re reading a book... book book book... words on a page... CONCENTRATE”
Then I give up
Am I alone?
I have friends who also have ADHD and don’t experience this | ADHD |
Okay, so I’m just curious about other perspectives here. I do not have ADHD, however my mom has both ADHD and autism and my older brother 27M has ADHD. My brother was diagnosed when he was 8 and was on meds up until like sophomore year of college. He went off meds and since then has sworn off of them, calls them poison basically and resents my mom for putting him on them. I can understand his perspective because he was put on medication unwillingly and often treated unfairly as a kid because of ADHD. He’s a creative professional and nowadays he is constantly doing stuff like 24/7 stimulated and exercises a lot so he is able to function well, however he kind of denies that he has ADHD. He’s been with this guy for several years now who thinks ADHD is an excuse and thinks it’s an “explanation” for why my brother isn’t great at remembering things, sleeps in a lot, doesn’t clean up after himself diligently, etc. I actually got in an argument with his partner yesterday about this, saying that I grew up with him and I know pretty well that his brain is different from mine. His partner kept saying “well we’re all a little like that” and “isn’t it just the times we live in.”
Now of course this is f-ed up, but the problem is I think my brother likes having this attitude around because he finds it motivational to make him “better.” I explained to his partner that my brother just needs systems that are more accommodating, not a housekeeper.
Anyway, I want to really talk to my brother about this, but I don’t know how. Maybe I just let it go, but it makes me really sad knowing his partner is constantly invalidating and shaming him for things that are ADHD related.
Have you ever wanted to or have in earnest denied your ADHD? What helped you understand that it wasn’t an “excuse” or “just a label”? It seems whenever I bring it up, my brother thinks I’m putting him in this disabled box..
Edited to add age | ADHD |
wsstg+´0rryhujeiaoeo0t985434i0reodgfiadfkgjujhsdfjo | depression |
Do you guys eat breakfast? I've recently taken my meds in the morning so I don't fall asleep again despite getting 10h of rest, but the meds take my appetite away, so I skip breakfast. Is this bad for the body and what do you guys do?
Also, the meds make me basically gag when I try to brush my teeth in the morning. Feels like it's related to the lack of appetite. Is this normal?
Would appreciate any comments, tips or answers. Thanks a bunch! | ADHD |
what makes people depressed and have anxiety for me i have ocd and depression and im always remembering the same stuff that i failed my studies that i dont get girls that my friends got their degrees and i didnt | depression |
I (f26) can't watch TV. I can't have normal conversations. I can't enjoy anything anymore. Except for scrolling through all of these threads aimlessly.
My fatigue has reached it's all time high. I just want to sleep all the time but my body won't even allow me to do that properly.
I got put on gabapentin 8 years ago and I think it numbed a lot of my mental health problems, also with marijuana. But this year I feel like I have slipped into a nightmare. I view life differently. I feel very disassociated and feel like I'm watching a bad movie about myself. I feel different, mentally and physically. I lost my mom when I was 17 and I feel like I am grieving her again, and also grieving thinking about how much different life would have been for me if she was here.
I live with my Dad still who drinks a lot and doesn't have one comforting trait about him. He actually wasn't even there for my my mom when she got sick with cancer.
My brother moved away to Colorado. I have one grandmother left and an uncle. But it seems everyone else either left or died.
I have one close cousin but she doesn't really understand what I'm going through
I do have a boyfriend but I don't feel like we connect sometimes and it sucks cause he actually does try hard to cheer me up and is very sweet. But sometimes I just feel like I cannot connect emotionally with him at all. He's had a pretty good life, not many hardships. I feel guilty for feeling like this when he's the only person who actually makes sure I eat something
I actually reached out to my old best friend (who had sex with my ex boyfriend after I broke up with him) out of desperation because I miss being happy and who I used to be. This obviously didn't help, but going to stay at her house for a little while felt ok. Her mom bakes muffins, lights candles, makes her home a real home. While I was there I just pretended for a second or two that I belonged to something like that. Even though I don't and I have to return to my dad's house where everything is falling apart, and quite empty. Makes me think of the memories I had there as a child. These thoughts physically hurt me to think about. These thoughts make me want to have the balls leave and hope that after you die, you get to go to a place where you actually are happy.
This drug gabapentin just adds to the despair now as longterm use causes depression and a plethera of other side effects. I can't even quit taking it cause it gives me akathisia and I get even worse with anxiety/depression. I wish I NEVER started taking it. My mental health isn't built for these side effects...
I graduated nursing school last December and I thought I was gonna be in a better place. Now I'm a complete mess, I feel alone, I just miss my past (it's literally all I think about)
I just have this deep deep need/want for family. A home I can call a home and feels like one while I battle through this. My "home" doesn't exist anymore and it breaks my heart. I can't stand seeing people's family's together anywhere (I'm just so jealous) it hurts
Thanks for reading.... Sorry if I broke a rule or anything. I'm new here... | depression |
I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. It used to be really bad, but I've found with time the symptoms have slowly dissipated.
One symptom that I thought I never experienced often was nightmares. I suffer from insomnia, and I HAVE had nightmares about my abuser before, but they often involve running into him in public, not the actual attack.
However, the other night my roommate told me something strange. I've been sleeping on the couch, and she told me that she got up to go to the bathroom and that I was thrashing violently and crying out in my sleep. I don't remember having any sort of nightmare that night, but I also don't often remember my dreams. I also haven't slept with anyone (literally, slept in the same bed lol) in a while, so I guess no one has really observed me sleeping.
Is it possible I could be having nightmares and not realizing it? | ptsd |
I've been trying to convince my parents for something, but they always say no because of my behavior. I'm posting here because I think I might have ADHD. A lot of the bad things I do are because of impulse control or just things that I do out of boredom. No matter how hard I try, I still can't behave at all and I'm naturally immature.
I often swear a lot because it is often my natural response to a strong feeling or reaction. My parents don't allow it and they dislike it. I sometimes will swear out of boredom, and sometimes when I randomly remember an embarrassing moment. (I tend to remember embarrassing moments and things I do a lot and I tend to dwell on them a lot for some reason)
I do a lot of other things that aren't allowed like not following directions. There are a lot of other ways I misbehave, but that's all the ways I can think of that I misbehave in right now. Does anyone else have a hard time convincing their parents for things because they can't control themselves? And does anyone know how to be more mature and less misbehaving? And in addition to those two questions, what was your ADHD like after puberty? I wanna know because I'm in middle school and haven't had puberty yet and I wanna know your experiences with ADHD after puberty. | ADHD |
... because how I feel recovering from my mild concussion has huge overlaps with how I felt before getting diagnosed and medicated. The mental fatigue/strain from simple tasks, the distractedness and lack of focus... the only thing different about the concussion is that I feel more disoriented and have headaches and light/sound sensitivity. Before getting diagnosed I just learned to push through all my ADHD symptoms as best I could, and berated myself for being lazy when I couldn't. Funnily enough, this is making it harder for me to recover from my concussion. Since I'm used to pushing through a lot of these feelings, I don't know when I should take it easy and rest due to my literal brain injury. And I feel incredibly guilty when I DO rest, from years of bullying myself when I was overcome by strikingly similar symptoms.
I was diagnosed just last year as an adult, made it through college and everything. So it's pretty funny (in a very sad and frustrating way) that I have been living my life so far basically mildly concussed. I mean I'm proud of myself for getting this far, but sheeeesh. I wish I could explain this feeling to all the people who don't "get" ADHD, or don't believe in it, or say they believe in it but don't understand how debilitating it can be.
so that's my takeaway from this whole experience. ADHD ≈ brain injury, tell your friends. (disclaimer: I'm not a doctor/neurologist and I'm currently concussed so this might not actually be an accurate conclusion to jump to) | ADHD |
A - there needs to be consequences to me doing things wrong
B - I need to rebalance the universe
C - I need to rebalance my mind/anxiety
D - it's wrong to do stuff wrong | OCD |
In the past there’s even been things I thought were exposure for my obsessions but upon further introspection I realized they were in fact compulsions.
Now my rule is basically, if I get a random strong urge that is accompanied by anxiety, it’s probably a compulsion. That might sound obvious but there’s a lot I didn’t properly recognize at the time or thought I was just being ‘antsy’. I had associated compulsion to strictly mean repetitive actions tied to specific themes. I don’t know if any of this even makes sense. | OCD |
Every time I smoke weed I can clearly see how my life has been negatively effected by OCD and how basically my whole life can be chalked up to obsessions and compulsions. Anyway last night it really hit me that I have a debilitating life long disorder. This kind of thought hits me every now and then. How many of us are leading completely normal successful lives? I feel like I always end up in the pits | OCD |
I Just needed to get this out of my chest, I don’t expect anyone to care or to reply
I’m just tired. I’m just tired of going into work, fearing that I am not doing my work properly. I’m tired of constantly thinking that my co workers are judging and disliking me. I’m tired of rude customers trying to be above everyone. I’m tired of school work and trying to impress my family. Im tired of making endless comparisons between myself and other people. I’m tired of dealing with people and not having enough time for myself. I’m tired of my self hatred and inability to do things properly. I’m tired from life. | depression |
im tired of having to wake up to the same dumb life. No one understands how i feel. they don't get what goes through my mind. if i just cried they would be confused and tell me to either explain (which I can't) or tell me to just shake it off because there's nothing to cry about. but they don't get it. i feel so stupid and worthless. its not like i could tell them how i feel anyway. last time i told someone they started treating me like im an bomb thats about to explode which didnt make me feel any better.
I feel like I can't take a deep breath or relax. It's like I'm in a room filled with water but there is a gap before the water hits the ceiling. most of the time I'm under water and I feel like I'm drowning. Sometimes I'm able to go up and take a small breath before I feel like I'm drowning all over again.
I'm tired of it all. I'm not who I want to be, I'm not doing what I want to do, but I can't get myself to do what I want and be who I want. I'm sick of not being able to control myself. I feel like there's nothing I can do anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see the person who I want to be, I see a failure. I see someone who's worthless. I see me...
School is also stressing me out. im doing crap on all my tests. i used to do well in school but i cant do anything right now. i also used to do well in sport but i keep messing up. i just dont know what to do anymore....
anyway i guess thats my rant... | depression |
Hello I currently have hocd if it's ok can I talk in dm I need somebody to talk to | OCD |
When I (20m) was a child I was very bubbly/outgoing. Since then, I have become somewhat of a recluse and many people in my life believe I am depressed.
At first glance, I seem to be doing everything right: I graduated HS with an IB diploma and currently have a 3.8 GPA at a highly-ranked college. However, my social life is practically nonexistent. Most days, I eat meals alone and barely talk to my peers outside of convenient times ("convenient times" being after class, at my tutoring job, etc). My friends from high school and I got into a fight over text and I felt so hurt/frustrated that I left the group chat and have not spoken to any of them apart from one person since (this was 11 months ago). The one time I spoke to that person is when they called me to let me know what someone we were once close with had killed himself. Sometimes it feels like the friends I have made are simply due to circumstance rather than actually caring about each other (we are friends because we go to the same school, we are friends because we have the same class, etc). I know that is literally how most people make friends but for me it feels so disjointed like I would not be able to actually rely on that person if something were to happen because we were just lunch buddies. I try to convince myself that I am fine with this because I am most comfortable when I am by myself, but everyone in my life makes me feel like shit when this topic comes up. The weird thing is that I do not have crippling social anxiety or anything like that; I simply do not seek people out. Could it be that focusing on academics so much from a young age has fucked up my ability to care for relationships? I know this sounds ridiculous but it really does feel like I do not act normal. There are other issues that go into this obviously, which I will talk about later I guess.
This morning I woke up and checked my phone and the first thing I saw was a FB notification for someone's birthday. The thing is that person is a former classmate who killed himself last year, so my day started off with me thinking again about how life is absolutely fucked. There is someone else I know who killed himself (the person I described earlier), and I was much closer to him. We went to preschool together. We were not best friends or anything like that, but I was there when he started cutting himself in middle school and came out as trans. We lost touch over time but it still hit me like a truck when I heard that he was literally gone just like that. I am at that age where people I knew/know start to die and I am mature enough to understand the ramifications of that, and it has just been horrible. However, I also disconnect myself from my emotions a lot, which came up when I said something fucked up about those suicides that I would rather not repeat here to another friend. I tend to say the wrong thing a lot, like the thing an emotionless rational robot would say as opposed to a living breathing loving human being.
Personally, I have not had suicidal ideations but I worry that I may end up at that point eventually, especially when I see how much other people have suffered. I appreciate the beauty of life but also think it is irrational to act like there is not so much bad stuff that people go through. The weird thing is I feel so bad for people on the inside but barely offer them comfort when I see them in distress because idk. Sometimes I just have moments where I absorb the shallowness of life today and wonder why more people do not recognize its futility. I do not want to die, but I am also not afraid of it. I was raised Catholic (like actually Catholic going to church every week), and the whole point of Christianity (and many other religions) in my opinion is to make people unafraid of death, so I took that to heart I guess. I still struggle to understand why people who claim to be devout suffer so much when their loved ones die. After all, their religion says that life in this world sucks ass and the afterlife is good if you followed the rules, and you will literally end up with them forever anyway if you do the same. This is kind of a tangent but like nobody follows the rules anyway, so I guess that is why they suffer so much. I am gay and had really repressed that part of me up until I left for college really, but I eventually realized that almost every Catholic uses contraceptives even though it is not allowed so why am I not allowed to fuck a guy like that is literally the same sin (sex without the intention of having children). I have trouble trusting people because I feel like part of being human is acting like you are one thing and hiding the ugly parts of yourself (because lets just face it much of life is ugliness) just to keep up an image for society.
Today I found out that I would not be getting an internship I had gotten to the final round of interviews for and it really brought me down. I started thinking about whether my education was actually valuable or not (business/econ major), which sucks because ever since I was 12 I have been working my ass off in school doing so much more than is necessary really. Like, is this high GPA really worth it? It is almost as if I am trying to prove something to myself and nobody really cares about it that much as long as I can do the job. I mean, the high GPA might even be a red flag because its basically showing I have no life outside of schoolwork. I also consider how I am not taking advantage of living away from home at all because I do not go to parties or anything like that. Perhaps I should have just went to a normal HS, gotten a normal HS diploma with okay grades, and went on to trade school to be an electrician or something. That shit is so much more in demand these days and they make a shitton of money. Me and my immigrant parents really drank the kool-aid about getting a college education. At the same time, I really do not want to disappoint them. It is not like I am going to drop out anyway because that would make no sense given how well I have done so far I may as well get the degree but I feel like nobody will hire me because I am such a one-dimensional person. If I do not get anything I will literally enlist in the military because like so many other young men I just need something to give me structure and if I am not enrolled in classes and am not doing a job related to my degree then I may as well take advantage of what is basically America's version of socialism.
Now that I am at the end of this rant I realize how many different things I touched upon while simultaneously only scratching the surface. Anyway, I appreciate you reading this far (I just really needed to put this out there because it has been bugging me forever) and please let me know about any thoughts you have about this. I really want to hear what people have to say because it feels so weird to have everyone in your life say you are one thing when you feel like they are the problem and not you. | depression |
I used to be a lot more depressed and after a while I would feel bad, like my body would hurt, almost like I had a fever. My body was weak. Is that associated with it? | depression |
Sorry that this is kinda a long one but i REALLY REALLLYYY would love some advice because I feel so hopeless.
For context, me(20 y/o F) and my girlfriend (also a 20 y/o F) have been dating for just shy of a year now. Early in our “talking phase” before we were dating, she had clued me in on her childhood trauma (we would kiss but she wouldn’t use tongue and I had asked if it was simply a preference which is when she had told me she takes things slowly because she “had a creepy uncle”. I immediately apologized and hugged her because I knew what that meant.
Flash forward almost a year later into our relationship, and she has disclosed to me that from the ages of ~7-9 or 10, she has been molested by her uncle (not blood related?), and while we still have not fully spoken about the details because I do not want to push for those details until she’s ready, I do know that it included rape. Aside from comforting her, I have suggested therapy b/c
1. she has not told ANYONE besides me and does not feel comfortable with the idea of her parents finding out if she has to go to therapy (insurance bill)
2. she really, wholeheartedly doesn’t think therapy is going to help, because she thinks it will only bring up those memories that she’s pushed down over the years. she has told me “therapy doesn’t work for everyone” but i have told her that you never know until you try. however, i do NOT want to keep pressing the topic because it’s not my place to make her feel forced in any way to go to therapy, but i really do think it could help.
While I do in a sense believe that it doesn’t affect her a TON, I know for a fact that it does in some aspects (and some are taking a toll on our relationship):
First off, she is an extremely light sleeper and has a lot of trouble sleeping. She has also told me that about once a month she’ll get bad dreams (PTSD-type dreams).
Second, while we are relatively young and shes my first relationship and I’m her second relationship (she had dated a guy for just over a year before dating me; she told me she used to “check out during sex with him”), we have been dating a year and I have only touched her intimately once. I’ve brought it up to her and she said she’s not comfortable because the “leading up to it” part is what kills her and makes her body tense up. She has no problem touching me and enjoys it, but I cannot touch her at all down there. This part is what is putting such a huge toll on us because I have told her that I understand her trauma but I’m not satisfied being in a relationship that is so one-sided sexually (considering that nothing is being done to resolve her trauma). I really that doesn’t come off as selfish and I hope people understand where I’m coming from. We are so perfect for each other in every way but sex is a big part of any relationship and I really can’t see this improving if nothing is being done; I cant see this issue “fixing itself” over time and she is hoping it will.
I guess the reason for this post was to ask if anyone has any advice. I’ve tried to read up as much as I could about stuff like this and anything I could do (or that we could do together to make her more comfortable). | ptsd |
How many of you had clumsy accidents below the age of 5? Apparently this is the real reason Aspergers average life expectancy is lower. A lot of autistic kids simply die below age due to some clumsy accident. Maybe falling down the stairs, or eating something non-food, etc.
Did any of you have any dangerous accidents below the age of 5? | aspergers |
I failed my second exam in class today. Before my meds I was averaging 95% and made the President's List twice in a row. Sure, everything else around me was falling apart bit by bit. But I was at least passing classes. I have a hour to finish my exams and can't stop zipping through in 15 minutes. I miss obvious things and it's pissing me off. I'm ranting and mad. I am not asking for medical advice (even though some can post to solicit how to get a dx with impunity). My appointment is Thursday. So I will ask him if stims and antidepressants can't fix it, what does/will? | ADHD |
if i like i song i will go obsessing over it for days and repeat it non stop and make my life revolve around it in a pathological way, and sometimes i keep repeating many times half away because it didn't feel right or because i missed an important lyrics, i wonder if it related to my ocd brain or just a normal human behavior | OCD |
So I don’t know if this is just me or not but so many people in my life claim I’ll be up and talk to them when I have absolutely no memory of it for example my mom would try to wake me for school and I would apparently answer “I’m up” when I was still asleep everyone gets mad and says you said you were up I most certainly was not does this happen to anyone else or is this just like I’ve learned how to hit snooze on people? | ADHD |
I’ve been struggling with POCD and false attraction. It feels so real at times but I found this out look “False attraction can make people feel anxious, disgusted, fear, confusion, guilt, and it can lead to groinal responses (and even butterflies in your chest)”. This stuff can feel scary real | OCD |
Hello. I am a very high functioning aspire, which is why none of my friends know that, i always want d to be treated just like everyone so I never actually speak about this, and i always lurked on this subreddit which made me relate to some people in a way I just couldn't with my actual real friends (thank you all so much for that, and sorry for my English I'm not a native speaker).
I guess the time has come to finally kind of open up to someone and say some stuff. When I mean I'm an high functioning aspie, i mean that almost everyone thinks I'm just a little unusual, and no one really notices what that means. I only had trouble socializing when I was a little kid, and i guess I just kind of learned how to be "normal" over the years but there was always something wrong with me. I didn't get a diagnosis until high school (i was about 15-16, I'm 19 now), so i always assumed it was because I didn't really fit in anywhere, so i tried to change myself to do that better. I remember being extremely empathetic back in a day (didn't see it like that back then) and judging by some posts on this community and some research i assume that's a common trait among aspie people. Everyone always took advantage of that, or just didn't care about the things I did for them, and i always belived that i should still be good for them even when I didn't get anything in return, because it would always somehow pay off. I wouldn't notice red flags about some people, because of asp, and over the years I became extremely bitter. I only have a few friends that know best how awkward i am and they just think nothing of it, i appreciate them more than anything else, but I have such a hard time socializing with other people. If you ever met me and hung out with me for 30 min, fine, I'm a master at small talk and just general social activities ( for an aspie), but getting to know me better I'm a fucking mess, i've been treated like shit for most of my life, and o only recently found out why that may be. I mean I would kick the shit out of anyone who'd actually try to get close to me because I'm never sure if they're intentions are good or bad, i just couldn't ever tell, so now I always assume they're bad. Even with my own family, i always give them shit for everything, but I'm unable to appreciate them, no matter what sacrifice they make for me, i honestly am not able to love a human being at this point. Never spoke about this to anyone before. This took a lot of alcohol to finally write. Thank you for reading. | aspergers |
I feel like so much on reddit people get angry with people with aspergers or autism getting “special” treatment.
But IMO equality does not mean getting the same treatment, it means you would be treated the same if you were in the same situations.
Like true equality is everyone getting the same amount of money for medical care, a better solution is the people needing the most attention get more money even though the people contributing to the medical fund are technically getting the raw end of the deal. | aspergers |
Would you guys just say to avoid even filling or picking this up? I was going to bite the bullet despite seeing bad reviews. But since my pharmacy has yet to tell me it’s ready I may not, I also don’t understand why one pharmacist can tell me they can order teva, then the next day says they can’t anymore. I can get it (teva) from a local pharmacy but it will require a new script what do you recommend? Lannett or paying a premium and waiting and requesting a new script? If I can even do that | ADHD |
[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/kykd73/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/)
**So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others. | aspergers |
I have harm ocd. It focuses on my dog and nephew.
I also have cute aggression which gives me urges to pinch squeeze and playfight with my dog and nephew.
I feel as if I act on my OCD thoughts because of this. Pls help | OCD |
I have been trying to do some simple homework for probably 3 hours. I am getting close to being done, but it should have taken half an hour max. I can’t even process the questions. I read them over and over and they don’t stick in my brain. I keep hearing music in my head or thinking about random things… I want to do this so bad and I just can’t. I still have to edit a huge fucking essay and that will ideally take an hour, but probably it will take me 3x longer. I just want to get to get this done, but it feels like I’m walking through mud. I watch my sister’s efficiency and I’m so so jealous. Why can’t my best be enough? | ADHD |
Does anyone else’s internal voice not have any actual sound to it. Like when scenes of movies play in my head they sound like the actor who plays them. But for some reason my voice has no sound to it. That is when I am actually able to hear my own thoughts which isn’t to often. But when I do I can’t PinPoint what it sounds like because it doesn’t sound like me and is almost robotic in a sense. | aspergers |
(What the title says.)
I take everything I've heard about this person, what I've observed, or what they've told me, put that information together in my mind like a mind map and use it to predict how and *why* they would react to certain things.
I form a profile, kind of like Sherlock does but less ingeniously.
This helps me understand others markedly and be a lot less confused.
Do you do this or something similar?
Is this something NTs do too or is it an asperger thing? | aspergers |
I was just watching anime and reading subtitles and i noticed that inner voice that we all have, and now i cant stop focusing on it. Like when i read the subtitles I read them out loud in my head and UGH , so annoying!! I want them to stop but i know that theres no way of stopping that. | OCD |
I had mental health issues prior to my crash, but almost three years after being hit by a car — and learning my mom has brain cancer, and watching my dog die, and struggling with depression, and nearly 100 sessions of physical therapy, and watching my ex get married, and the COVID pandemic, and Trump’s presidency, and the loss of my job, and a return to alcohol habits — I feel I’m truly losing my grip on reality.
I don’t believe life has any meaning, and I think people are largely cruel, selfish, and incapable of understanding. I am not a villain, but a victim — and I am uncomfortable with this identity, as I have tried to be the best, most responsible, most decent person possible for years. I want respect, love and admiration, not pity.
Therapy has been useless, largely because I’m at a point where my therapist has literally sighed and said “You need to move on.” But I can’t do that. Perhaps it’s my fault. Still, the 19-year-old, irresponsible driver who hit me was not charged, and only has to pay higher insurance premiums. I hate him to a degree I cannot express on the internet.
The world is apathetic and senseless. I care only about supporting my dying mother. No other relationships carry significance to me anymore.
I’m not sure I have a point to this post. I am a broken human being, physically and mentally. I feel incapable of being fixed, or fixing myself. | ptsd |
I feel like I’m gaslighting myself, almost. Like, I have feelings leftover from my trauma (hence PTSD lol) but how do I deal with worrying that my trauma wasn’t as bad as I remember it to be, or feeling like I shouldn’t be as affected by it as I am? | ptsd |
Does anyone else watch or listen to horror things because other people’s stress is better than your own? I’d rather listen to horror about fictional beings than real problems. | ptsd |
Adderall XR no longer effective?
Hello. I am M(19). And I started taking Adderall XR at 25MG since August 29th and I have been having my good and bad days with it. So you see, I had huge issues with my ADHD as I always was stuck in the past and always ruminating and perseverating over my past mistakes and I would always be so stuck in the past and in my head and not "present". So, for the first 2 weeks, I felt great! My thoughts were still there but they were much more quiet then they usually were. Then it stopped being like that, so I took 2 days off and went back on it, and 3 days onto it I feel great before getting off it again and repeating the same process again.
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Why is this happening? Is it tolerance?
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Please help! | ADHD |
How do I know which are real and which aren’t? Are they all real? Most I can tell what is real however I have a few that I’m not sure about | ptsd |
my depression has come and go in intense episodes over the years and recently a really difficult breakup along with built up stress and social anxiety has left me feeling like i cant do anything at all.
im in my first year of university and finals are just around the corner and i have 4 quizzes this week and i need to get my shit together but i feel like i just cant do anything. i cant read or bring myself to rewatch lectures or do practice or study at all.
i dont even feel like procrastinating by playing games and if i try watching stuff i cant enjoy it because im stressed about not studying but i cant. i dont feel like talking to anyone even though i want to(?).
honestly just writing up this reddit post took so much energy | depression |
We all know that feeling when you just zone out while in conversation, not because of boredom but because of ADHD just being a pain in the butt. I hear a lot of people being honest and saying “sorry I stopped listening, could you repeat that?”, but I just feel like that can be kind of rude and disheartening for the receiving person. Have any of you found any alternative ways to say it that isn’t as blunt but also doesn’t require you to explain in long lengths about your diagnosis? | ADHD |
I wanted to know what you guys do in order to break the loop of a compulsion that you’re stuck on and can’t seem to stop. Thanks! | OCD |
Was feeling quite ok past couple of days, but fell into an OCD loop yesterday. I accidentally blurted out something blunt about my gf to my parents that could have been interpreted negatively by them (yay, lovely ADHD making me say things before I think). And now I’m fcking stuck in my head, obsessing and scared they will think negatively about her, even though she’s totally awesome. And I don’t want to call my parents explaining this whole situation, because rationally I know this is all just trivial bullsht and I’m ashamed of my brain doing this to me. But I’m also leaving for holidays today and I want to at least a bit enjoy my free time there… And ofc my OCD be like: if you don’t call your parents to fix this, you will be obsessing over this your entire holiday and not enjoying your time there!!! Well, hello lovely choice between not wanting to give in to this compulsion but also reaaaaally wanting to relax on vacation. UGH. | OCD |
I am a 28 Year Old Male with Asperger's from Rhode Island who also suffers from OCD,Anxiety and Depression.For the last 13 years,I have been mostly isolated from the rest of the world.I won't go into details as to why here but if you want me to, I can do so later.I have no, nor have I ever had a job,I don't drive,I have no friends nor have I ever been in a relationship. Suffice to say I am not happy nor satisfied with this situation.I also know that it is not a situation that is in any way sustainable.
I was trying to work on all of this late in 2019 but didn't know how and where to start,so started to get overwhelmed and sidetracked by depression and then 2020 hit and lets just say that made things way worse.
I am looking to begin and complete a quest of self improvement and growth the gives me more control of my life and a life that I can be happy with,and will provide some dignity.
Here is what I am trying to accomplish (In no particular order)
1. Work on my OCD,Anxiety and Depression. As well working on coping skills and replacement behaviors for my Aspergers.
2. Work on improving my weight (caused by emotional eating and earlier medication),Physical\\Mental\\Emotional\\ and Psycological health. As well improving other areas of Self Care.
3. Work on social skills and find and make friends and friend groups for improved socialization and building support structures.
4. Work on transportation issue and see if one day I can overcome my fear of driving,and learn to drive and get a car.
5. Look into further education,training and certification in order to find decent employment that won't drive me nuts but also allow me to make a decent life.Currently I only have a GED and Retail\\Service Sector are a complete non starter because they are the worst possible fit,and would only cause problems. As well as becoming way more independent and self sufficient.
6. Hopefully find someone special to start a relationship with
I do have a few ideas on stuff that can help
1.I was in therapy with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker but that had to go on hold August due to them having to go in for Hip Surgery.I didn't remember when that happened if they said they were gonna call me back when they were ready,or that I had to,nor what the time frame would be if I had to call.Suffice to say he hasn't called and I haven't because I keep forgetting and I feel really awkward about calling and asking them if they are fully recovered from the surgery and can be my therapist again and come off really insensitive.
I am also not sure if I also need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist as well,and whether or not is both or one or the other and which it is I need to look into.
I have also been thinking that I might want to look into a Therapist who is a woman,this is not an complaint against my current one at all,its just that looking back I found that I felt way more comfortable and felt that I made more progress when my therapist\\psychologist was a woman.
I don't know if there is some kind of medication that would help,and I must say I am not eager to try any because I was on the medication roulette wheel as a kid and I tended to deal with nasty side effects.Thought I am I considered giving CBD Oil and even medical cannabis a try to see if that would help.
I don't really have any other ideas for the other stuff.
Sorry for the long post but I could really use some help,thoughts,advice and recommendations from everyone,on how best to achieve my goals. | aspergers |
Looking for tips!
I have just absolutely terrible issues with symmetry, especially when I’m walking. About 7 weeks ago I slipped on the ice and broke my ankle, and I’m constantly feeling guilty because I feel like I fell because I didn’t correct myself.
Here’s the big issue and I’d love tips. Hopefully in the week coming up I’ll be able to start PT and walking again. I am TERRIFIED of walking again because I know my feet aren’t going to feel the same and I have no idea what I’m going to do. Any suggestions for symmetry correction or how to deal with this stress? | OCD |
Not sure if this would be the right place to post but here I go.
It’s been 6 months since I injured my back while weight training after a month of suffering I went down to see a Chiropractor which made my initial injury much worse. My ability to work (light duty due to gym injury) was now out the window. My ability to drive gone I’m not able to sit without pain in my back and right above my tailbone. The first couple of weeks after the injury with the chiropractor I felt myself falling into a nasty deep depression. My life was taken away I was laying on the floor or in bed in a fetal position staring either at the side of my bedroom wall or the ceiling.
I spent most of my days in this position crying throughout the day like a child waiting for this nightmare to end. I forget to mention I was forced to move back home which I’m grateful for but being 28 years old and feeling like a child I despise it. I can’t wash my face due to position I have to think of every move before I actually do it. I can see some days are brighter then others but overall my weeks are very dark. I will have a decent day then it will go out the window due to the following day full of pain.
This back injury disc bulges in my lumbar spine L2-L5 in my lumbar region also a disc bulge in t7-t8 Doctor also stated degenerative disc disease and mild central stenosis on some of those bulges. I saw a neosurgen who stated there isn’t anything operable at the moment and he was not able to help me I’m going on 6 months now.
I can see the small progress but my quality of life I have none. It’s embarrassing I always felt like a independent guy yet now at the age of 28 I have my parents watching over me washing my clothes due to me not being able to bend down to the washer.
Pain depression anxiety of not knowing if I’ll get better led me to a mental hospital for suicidal ideations 11 days spent there limping around with a back injury and having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Chest pains shortness of breath dizziness hand tremors I felt like I was painfully dying everyday yet I kept waking up every morning. I asked god to take me away I was tired of living like this I was sick of hurting my family they would see me in tears everyday pacing in the backyard just to get some steps before the pain came in.
It’s been a long road and I still have a long road ahead I see small progress after weeks months of sleepless painful nights. Walks seem to be my only true escape I have gotten up to a 25-30 min walk,
In the beginning I had trouble standing on my feet for 2-3 mins. I still wake up with severe panic and thoughts of not wanting to be alive. Like I mentioned I feel like a disappointment a failure and a burden to my
Family. I would be on the streets if it was due to them and I hate that I have to lean on them as much as I have in my life.
I lost all dreams of having a family one day being a business owner overall just being successful. Having a injury not being able sit or drive will do that to you. Not being able to work or hang out with friends or just be careless as I was once. I keep asking myself perhaps I deserve this did I do something to deserve this all.
This post is all over the place. I just spilled my brain out through a keyboard I didn’t want to cry out to one of my siblings again so I figured a Reddit post will do | depression |
I personally hate them, but I always forget that I hate them when someone actually does shake my hand. You have no clue where there hand has been, and I don’t like touching people I don’t know. Thoughts. | aspergers |
greetings everyone. i am a 22 F i have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD yet but my therapist and doctor have said that it is very much a possibility... still need further testing :/ but anyways.. i wanted to ask if anyone else always has background noise when doing a task?whether it be a TV show, music, or a podcast. for example if i am preparing breakfast, planning for the day, walking to classes, i always feel the need to have some sort of background noise or just listening to something. idk maybe i don’t want to be left with my thoughts? or maybe it’s sort of comforting? i haven’t asked my therapist yet but i wanted to ask this community first before jumping to conclusions and not wanting to feel alone with this realization.. thanks :) | ADHD |
A problem I have is I need to do something, and then I do it wrong, so I have to do it one more time. And then I have to do it one more time (because I do it wrong). And then I do it wrong again. But it keeps going like this. My thought was maybe if there is some penalty for not doing it correctly, I might totally do it better. Reply. | OCD |
I have been struggling with executive dysfunction quite severely, battling side effects from meds and trying to handle full time Uni and work.
Needless to say the fact that I did my quiz on time is huge.
Except.
So I started my quiz. My brother has sat on his ass all day doing fuck all except video games. I asked him to take the recycle out. He said he would. He didn't. My nMom came home, got fucking pissed off, starts slamming shit etc. Im rapidly losing concentration faster than dairy running through my stomach. I asked her to stop slamming cupboards cause Im writing a test. She started yelling at me about cleaning up after two grown ass adults. Which isn't true, because I washed all my dishes and the kitchen was clean when I sat down to do work. I told her to stop yelling at me, because Im not who she's angry at. She walked away and kept slamming shit. Then stormed off downstairs. When I heard her coming back I packed my shit up and went to my room (can’t write in my room because my bro screams and yells at his games and doesn’t care if I need to do stuff)
Anyways I submitted the test not sure if I did it right but my brain noped out. Im sitting in the bathroom numb and crying. I have a paper that’s overdue I was supposed to work on and now I feel drained and don’t want to write.
This shit amazes me because earlier she sent me a video on ADHD and said “wow this really helped me understand you and I actually cried”. Then does this.
Sorry for the vent. I’m just so tired of not being able to function. 😞 | ADHD |
Getting pretty desperate here. Has anyone used NAC for their OCD? I'm hoping it would potentially reduce my rumination | OCD |
OCD Stereotype: OMG. I can't stop having my stuff wiped down or my clothes put neatly. I can definitely forget about it instantly if I do something else, but I still think I have OCD!
Real Example of OCD: I think I'm scared of my lamp right now. I can't figure out if it's dangerous and if I don't figure it out, I will never find out if my arm belongs to me. | OCD |
As a survivor of the Santa Monica Farmers' Market crash, I'm horrified almost daily by the upsurge in vehicles being used as weapons against people. I thought it was bad pre-pandemic when TV shows, movies and other media would use that in a plotline for cheap reactions, but now it's real life and I don't know how to feel safe more and more. Reaching out for tips on how to quell this growing dread I have and mistrust of, sorry to say, especially white people over a certain age. As a WoC who is also disabled, I feel like I have a target painted right on me these days... | ptsd |
I have Asperger's and I realized that every time after my parents buy me the things I want for me that I start to get angry and get into a meltdown for a stupid reason sometimes it could be unrelated to what I get. Do you ever get this way too? | aspergers |
I was fine for a while because i’ve seen multiple people saying that pedos don’t have the anxiety and panic over IF they are, they have it BECAUSE they are. Though recently i’ve been seeing the opposite. People saying pedos have the same thought process as POCD, that they are confused, and some people even saying that POCD was actually just them realizing what they were. I’m so scared and worried I could be a pedophile. Please help. | OCD |
I'm talking childrens shows like Centaur World, True And The Rainbow Kingdom, Spongebob, Tenn Titans Go! and cartoons like Final Space, Rick and Morty, Close Enough, Dogs In Space, South Park and my personal favourite, Inside Job. All of these shows have plots, but they're easy to understand for me and the style of cartoons just captures my attention much longer than real-life set shows. I get sick of those quickly, ADHD brain loses interest if it sees it as "nope not colourful or interesting enough we're not watching this garbage". Overall, cartoons, just more enjoyable. I think I've binged almost all of the cartoons on Netflix. | ADHD |
Everything about me feels wrong. I cant properly connect with anyone. I am unreachable and incomprehensible to others. I am scared that this is because of my traumas and the fact that I should have never been born. It's really bothersome, because it's really hard for me to have friends and to feel loved. I always feel on a lower plane of existence from others, i am envious. I just want to be like others | ptsd |
I'm pretty sure one of my friends is on the spectrum, but I don't want to push him in this direction if I'm not sure.
So, what would you ask someone?
Or what would you like to be asked? | aspergers |
Getting a therapist in 2022. Assuming they won’t necessarily be experienced in how to best help adults diagnosed with ADHD to identify and work through their trauma. I want to go in prepared. I had a therapist for 3 years who weekly heard me describe clear indicators of ADHD. I like them and don’t feel any resentment, but I want to be prepared when I get a new therapist. Thanks y’all, hope everyone experiences a peaceful Sunday evening | ADHD |
So I got a battery of mental health tests done which came back positive for OCD, MDD, and GAD. All of which I already knew. However, what I didn’t expect was clinically significant ADHD. My provider wants to prescribe me vyvanse and said it should help with the ~intrusive thoughts~ part of OCD as well as the ADHD. But everything I’m reading about vyvanse says it could exacerbate OCD symptoms. Now I’m not sure what to do because it is managed with my antidepressants right now. Anyone have any advice? | OCD |
I know for fucking sure that if there was a short term drug curing this shit id take it. No fucking matter the side effects. Aspergers has me in PAIN. | aspergers |
Can someone explain me the difference btw two and are both random thoughts? | OCD |
Orange County California
This is a legal situation that requires some urgency because the statute of limitations may be out soon.
My biggest challenge has been locating what type of lawyer to consult. This potentially involves discrimination, malpractice, a municipality (some are reluctant to involve a municipality), and other categories I might not know. Google results for a wrongful 5150 have provided little help.
I was wrongfully confined on a 5150 based on provably false information in writing. Then I was mistreated when I got to the hospital. They filled out a 5250 form with false statements for my indefinite confinement, but when my mother told them that she was getting a lawyer to fight their claims, the hospital director bragged that the documents were not intended to be filed but were shown to me to threaten me into greater compliance. I repeatedly asked to be seen by a qualified psychiatrist and was not. I was actually kept longer than the 72 hours against my will. There was a form signed by a psychiatrist that stated that he interviewed me on the last day. This never happened! I have no idea what sort of information is now on my medical history. The after effects haunt me and have painfully disrupted my way of life to this day. It has severely limited my ability to help care for my family. My OCD symptoms are now many times worse than they were before. I am looking for any legal recourse open to me.
I was staying in a hotel and in the middle of the night at 2:00 AM, a woman with a clipboard showed up and demanded that I interview with her. I have a relative who has stirred up incidents like this because of my autism and OCD. Usually I just do the interview, and they are satisfied and leave. This woman was primarily asking questions about my eating with less about my autism. I thought they were standard health questions, but I now I think she was fishing for an excuse to write a 5150. After the interview, a bunch of police came jogging with a stretcher and restraints. They demanded I get on. I asked by which law. One of the policeman pointed at himself and said “Me”. Knowing better than to object, I got on. I was brought to the mental wing of the hospital. They never mentioned why I was there. They prescribed an antipsychotic drug. I told them I had had a gene test.to determine which drugs are appropriate for me. A doctor had cautioned me about antipsychotics, so I said I didn’t want to take it. I told them that I was urgently needed by my family. Nobody would tell me anything about why I was there. But a staff member told me, ”If you want to get out of here make sure you go to the social gatherings in the dining hall and be sure to eat”.
I did not even see the 5150 document, until I had been there for a day and a half. It contained a few exaggerated versions of some of my autistic traits, nothing even remotely constituting a danger to self or others. But, it also said that I was only eating once per day, “due to OCD”. I immediately told the receptionist that this was false. I had just been weighted at 290 pounds! It should be noted that I have a financial record of most of my meals which should confirm that I was eating multiple times a day. While I was there, a nurse threatened me that if I did not take the antipsychotic I would not get out. I hoped that a conversation with a qualified psychiatrist would get me out, but they always said he was busy. Just before 72 hours, I was threatened with the 5250 which bizarrely claimed that I had nowhere to stay. This was not true, and I told them so. They finally released me after my Mom threatened to get a lawyer. | aspergers |
Hi,
I think me and my mum both have trauma from an event about a month ago. My dad got covid 19, he went to bed one night with a flu and the following morning he deteriorated very quickly, I was awake with my mum watching over him and he stopped breathing, I pulled him into the floor off the bed as instructed by the emergency responder to begin CPR and he passed away literally in my arms. My mum was screaming, I continued the CPR until the paramedics came and they couldn’t save him.
Since then during the days I’m ok, I’ve made good progress with the grieving and I’m helping my mum but at night I just can’t stop thinking about that night, the noises, the images they just replay in my head constantly and it’s often difficult to sleep. I’m 23 years old, I don’t know much about trauma / PTSD but I’m assuming this is similar.
Please if anyone has advice it would be greatly appreciated, I really want to remember the good times with my dad but those memories are blocked behind this repeating nightmare
Edit- Thank you so much for all of the responses, I read all of them and I can’t put into words how much it helps. I often come back here and reread it all when I’m feeling down so honestly thanks <3 | ptsd |
First of all, i hope this post is allowed, as i don't really know where else to post this.
So, I'am a final year college student, and I've probably been suffering from ADHD since quite a while.(Tried to tell parents about it, they said it's probably because i play too many video games, so it's hard to go to a doc and get meds). It's probably been a while, but it has definately worsened since the online classes and stuff started out. Could atleast do a study session of like half an hour properly earlier, definately can't now. Really cant concentrate on anything i don't like, mainly studying, for more than 5 minutes. Seriously 5 mins. Always just open my messaging apps 5 mins into a study session and keep doing that even tho there's nothing new there. My time just flies away daily, wasted in just lying around my room, playing games, etc. I can concentrate just fine on stuff i like doing(which is just playing a few games, watching movies, reading stories), which makes me wonder if it's not ADHD, but it still is really making my situation bad. No matter how much i plan on doing the next day,just before sleeping at night, i end up doing nothing productive the next day. Then it gets night, i start to feel really anxious about my future and stuff, start to plan what I'll do the next day, and it keeps on going on like this. Since it's my final year, it's real high time i start focussing on my studies and developing some other skills on the sidelines for a decent job, but I haven't even got started on the former. I really don't know what to do at this point. Im also really lazy, mentally as well as physically. Keep delaying everything for the later. Everytime. Keep delaying until the deadline comes and i just rush through the thing, regretting not working on it earlier. I tried meditating, but couldn't do it for more than a week, just like anything new i try to learn. Just can't make my body go and sit for even a 5 minute mediation session. Would really love if someone gave my some advice over this, im really lost at what to do atm. I'll try to talk to my parents about getting this checked up again, but I don't really wanna make them pay for even more meds for me.(they're already spending a lot over meds on a bunch of different issues my stupid body has, along with the high college fees and stuff).
Sorry for the long post, and really sorry if it dosen't belong here. | ADHD |
Ambiguous 19 yo uni student here seeking advice on medication.
I was diagnosed really early on and never was medicated. Now more than ever I'm starting to struggle with the results of adhd and I wanted to know your opinion on the matter. Are there any side effects and is it worth it? How do I get a prescription? Thanks in advance. | ADHD |
I have been on Elvanse for two months, and whilst it was good, it wasn’t doing as much as I was hoping and wasn’t lasting long enough so I decided to give concerta a whirl.
Well, after two days at 18mg I feel like I HATE this stuff. Yesterday I felt lethargic and from 6pm had that repeated water in my mouth about to vomit feeling. Today I feel mental - depressed and really scared (not exactly anxious, it’s hard to explain - I have had a rough year and am only just recovering from a mental health crisis so I am worrying about going back there). I wasn’t able to leave the house to meet someone because I was worried about feeling sick (woke up feeling sick but it went away when I ate) and then I just felt too low.
Has anyone got off to a rough start with concerta and then found it great? Or should I cut my losses and just go back on to Elvanse despite it not being perfect. | ADHD |
I know the 4th of July is hard considering the fireworks over there. I myself live in the Netherlands, so it will be quiet here.
This gives me room to send all of you struggling today my compassion and love. I am so sorry you have to go through this today.
Know there is someone out there across the ocean thinking about you and hoping the fireworks will be over soon.
Wishing you all nothing but all the strenght and best of luck.
Lots and lots of love and hugs,
A stranger.
❤ | ptsd |
This is a half vent half looking for advice post. Has anyone gone from being a very messy person/very used to living in a messy home to someone who keeps up with cleaning on a regular basis? Do you have any advice on how I can change these messy habits I’ve had forever?
I live alone so no one has to see my mess but me. My childhood home was always a mess growing up. It wasn’t over the top filthy or anything and things got cleaned eventually but generally speaking it was and still is cluttered. I pretty much don’t know what it’s like to leave in a neat environment.
I have anxiety/bouts of depression on top of ADHD. I’m trying to get off Adderall because it makes my anxiety worse but of course I feel useless without it. I live in a studio apartment so messes pile up easily and cleaning is the last thing I’m interested in doing. I put it off until I’m overwhelmed then I put it off some more. Then I feel awful about myself for not being able to keep up with it.
I was talking to my partner about it and he told me that the reason I don’t clean is because I’m lazy. It sucked hearing that. It’s frustrating feeling like I can’t keep up with these normal things everyone else does and there’s a voice in my head telling me that it is because I’m lazy and I suck, even though I mostly know it isn’t true.
I’ve searched the sub for tips but nothing stood out. Has anyone been able to make this change and has it helped your mental health? | ADHD |
As in I just got a diagnosis today, I've known I've had some trauma and related stress but it feels different now that a therapist has told me. I'm not a combat survivor or anything, just a 19 year old college student with a few shit experiences. Oh, I guess I should say what they are.
I survived, or rather escaped from sexual assault; when I was fourteen my cousin stayed over at my house and tried to molest me. I won't get into details but my sister unknowingly got me out of it, but once I told my family after he left, it wasn't really spoken about until a few weeks ago.
So... Yeah. I went and saw a therapist today and the rest is history. I'm not too good with talking but wanted to learn from others, so I joined here. Hello then. | ptsd |
You make me feel less crazy. It’s fucked up, because I hate that you’re going through this too, but you make me feel less alone, and that means the world to me. I’ve lurked this sub for years, and just yesterday I finally made a Reddit account, because I wanted to say thanks. Thank you, sincerely, thank you. | OCD |
As though they don’t like your company, they’re merely forced to tolerate it.
My mind works in such tangents that I often bewilder and exhaust whoever I’m speaking with - especially if they’re a neuro typical who is used to having conversations with a logical flow.
Most the time I feel like I’m speaking at someone, genuinely forgetting to ask them questions, drivelling on about shit they’re not remotely interested in - that’s probably true to some level - but I definitely think I’m being too harsh on myself as well.
When I’m chatting with someone who also thinks in unrelated tangents like I do we often have an electrifying conversation like a rollercoaster, but to the average person I think I come across a little bit demented.
I know it seems too self defeating and paranoid but does anyone relate? | ADHD |
The word my father doesn't understand.
He still treats me like a 10 year old kid.
I have to spend an entire afternoon holding a tool in my hand and just doing it simply. If he complains, he enters a cycle of fury that, if necessary, sends the house through the air.
And after helping him at the end, instead of thanking him, he starts talking badly about me (you still don't have a letter, girlfriend, friends, you say little or nothing, etc.)
Situations that I've been struggling to resolve and I'm sinking deeper.
Anyway it seems that when it comes to the weekend I end up getting "depressed". No idea how to solve this. Run away from home and make shelter in a forest?
Damn, while I'm here, most are at university partying at clubs, parties. I even got to join one but I don't even have the personality and appearance to do so.
I know there is no solution to anything I say. It's just to let off steam | aspergers |
Okay so first of all, i don't speak really good english. If you don't understand something, let me know!
So i (18) got diagnosed with ADD like 3 years ago and since that my sister (22) have been like "oh i propably have ADHD" "i'm really sure i have ADHD or ADD" and that's really annoying for real.. It's like she doesn't understand how hard this ADD actually is. How hard is it to do anything, even like get up from the bed. How hard the 10 years of (elementary and junior) high school was for me, because my grades were so bad and almost had to do school again because i was so bad and didn't get any help. When i got to the vocational school (almost didn't because the grades) all of the teachers left me all alone. (here in schools we have personal curriculum for all the students where teacher and the student discuss about the school and is something really hard, and maybe you get some relief for the school.) So i didn't get that, i said to the teachers that we need to do that and they didn't even mind me. 4 months, then i drop out.
And my symptoms have gotten worse year of the year and now i'm here when i can't do anything without hours and hours sitting and hanging at the phone. I didn't get meds yet because doctor said that i need to go new interviews because the old ones were bad. 🙂 so gonna be waiting like 2-4 months still.
And now back to my sister. She have been so good at the school always. Good grades, high school, college, good social skills, now working everyday like 9-12 hours without breaks and everything she says, is my feet hurts. Like it's three days of that for me and i would sleep rest of the week because i would be so exhausted. And she does school things at the same time. I can't see any ADHD/ADD symptoms in her like when we are talking or doing some stuff etc. Can someone explain where this comes and why is she doing this? I wanna hang out with her and do stuff but this really hurts me because she won't understand what this REALLY is. | ADHD |
I applied for a job because I've been looking for soo long, and I finally found somewhere that hires my age, I submitted an application with my mom and I've been waiting for an email back, no response. I'm pretty discouraged because like I mentioned, it was finally a place that would hire my age, dont know what to do now, should I keep looking? Should i just take this as a sign and focus on school? Quite lost right now | ADHD |
Hi everyone! I’m new to posting but I’m really torn up about this situation. Me and my boyfriend adopted a cat a few days ago and she’s the most perfect fit for us. Unfortunately we had to give her up due to her being around triggering my OCD, thankfully we didn’t have to give her back to the shelter and she’s staying with my boyfriends mother for now. I’ve been around cats my whole life, even lived with a family member who had one and they’ve never been a problem. For whatever reason once we brought her home my OCD was going crazy. I kept having intrusive thoughts (“what if something bad happens to her?” “what if she get things dirty?” “what if she breaks something?” etc.), had to wash my hands after petting her, and my brain had convinced itself that having this cat would result in me dying in one way or another (due to contamination and fear of somehow digesting the topical flea meds you put on their neck). I couldn’t sleep knowing she was free roaming the apartment possibly getting things dirty or getting dirty herself. I never anticipated myself having this reaction and I want to be able to have her live with us. I’m going to talk to my therapist about this but any advice or support is appreciated. Thank you. | OCD |
My partner is suffering from OCD, retroactive jealousy, and possibly other issues unaddressed. I myself suffer from several issues, and am aware that I can be difficult. Anyhow, we’ve been together for some time, but I see things spiraling out of control at this point. All levels of trust are now out the window (I have never cheated, or done anything unfaithful). My partner gets consistently angry with me, snapping over the small stuff. My intimate history is a major focus; they are convinced that I am not/was not moved on from former relationships before we began seeing each other. My partner is sour, angry, and full of resent. Their OCD rituals and worries are the worst they have ever been. Intimate is gone, and kindness is seldom. I simply wish to bask in the love we used to share for each other, but fear that they are now unreachable. | OCD |
I get asked this question on a daily basis. My family ask me a lot. I am very bad at regulating my facial expression so apparently I always look annoyed or sad. At school I would get asked that a lot too, I guess sitting on a bench and staring blankly at the ground every break and lunchtime is abnormal behaviour for someone. I feel like I’ve heard it so much that I ask people if they are okay. | aspergers |
Also fuck the media, and tiktok, for making it seem like ADD is a good thing.
I need my pills to work, and they aren't working anymore. I tried sleeping better, but j don't even feel the side effects of my adderall 20 mg anymore. I don't know of why, but im taking AP physics.
The most frustrating part is like all my knowledge that could make me a super genius is locked behind titanium doors in my brain, and my pill, on a good day, unlocks that door. I feel like nothing without it. I wish I never had ADD. | ADHD |
I’ve been meeting with and chatting to a bunch of new people in the recent past, and I’ve realized that I’ve been way more calm and composed in the recent conversations, than the ones I had more than a month ago.
Even then, I still get very nervous frequently, and it hampers my ability to talk to people. How do I build that composure and calmness?
PS: my issues with composure are not limited to conversations. It’s messing me up whenever I have to take a split second decision. | ADHD |
I (21m) I’ve had a best friend for about almost 7 years(also 21m). We did everything together. We went to college together we hung out all of the time, we even go t the same job. Then all of a sudden it went south. The second he helped me get the job, it was like an immediate shift.
After her helped me get the job, he started acting super distant, mind you, we didn’t work together almost at all, like I would maybe see him at work once a month. He started to stop being so pen about what was going on, he started being very hostile to me. And then today, he straight told me to “get the f*ck out of my face” in front of several people at work, because apparently today was his last day, and he told everyone except me.
I don’t know what I did, I never bothered him, never hovered, never expected anything( to be treated like this. I don’t know what to do. Because it’s already very hard for me to make friends, and I just lost my best friend. I left work early today bc I’ve just been trying all day, I don’t know what to do.
Edit/Update: We didn’t even get to talk. He blocked me on everything. Snapchat, my number, PlayStation, every social media. We were almost starting a business together, and just like that, nothing. I don’t know what I did, I gave him the space he asked for and thought things were going to get better, I don’t know what to do because he was like a brother to me, now I know I meant nothing to him. | depression |
Just got a new psychiatrist who put me on Wellbutrin. I have a history of alcohol/substance abuse so he didn't want to give me any amphetamines. It's a small dose to get started, but I have a few questions:
1. How long does it take to start feeling it?
2. How long until my body "normalizes" it?
3. Can I skip days once I get started?
4. Say I hate it, any issues getting off? | ADHD |
I hear all these stories of people who get hyper fixated on home improvement, chores, cleaning, etc. All these useful things. When I get hyperfixated it usually leads to me learning a shit ton of information, about an obscure topic, in a very short amount of time. Sometimes I get the hyper fixation on stuff like homework, but it only usually happens when I absolutely need to get it done (after a long time of procrastinating of course). It seems like my hyperfixation never leads me to doing useful things, which kinda sucks. Anyone else have this experience? | ADHD |
I'm so god damn tired of this bullshit.
I'm tired of thinking that I'm sexually attracted to my brother, just because I enjoy hanging out with him and I miss him. I'm tired of thinking I'm attracted to my cat because she's soft and I love to cuddle with her. I'm tired of thinking that people I admire are molesters just because they want to be dads and are good with children. I'm so tired of turning every good thing about my life into something twisted and disgusting. Of alineating some of the people I love the most and feeling like I'm tricking the remaining people around me into believing that I'm actually good.
Most of all I'm tired of the fact that I'll never truly know whether any of these things are true or not. | OCD |
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