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I guess you could call me a frontliner for the first year of covid. I was working in a skilled nursing facility that I'd been in for a full year before that. I worked a lot of doubles from morning to night, so the best way to describe that experience was watching people that I'd get up in the morning and put to bed at night die slowly and fairly painfully, despite our best efforts.
When I got through to the other side of that, I really thought the things that'd bring me back would make more sense. I get kind of anxious in crowds of unmasked people and crowds in general, but in the times I've worked with covid patients since then, I haven't had much trouble. Of course the memory is there, but it's not enough to trigger me. Instead, it's the little details that fully send me out of control. I had a panic attack at work when they asked me to stay late one night, and I was back to one night on the covid unit where my relief never showed and management didn't try to find me a replacement because they "figured I'd be fine with it". 16 unexpected hours with these people, knowing they were dying, before vaccines, and I had no choice but to stay. Then it was one nurse telling me that a patient had mentioned she preferred female caregivers. Again, another panic attack at work, this time in a hospital. And then recently, on a date with the most gorgeous boy I've ever met who just happened to mention that he wanted to adopt one day. He was talking and I wish I could have seen his face because he sounded so excited, but I was back in a dark room with a patient who was rambling about her adopted children. She had covid at that point, but wasn't testing positive yet. I couldn't keep my eyes open because I was just trying to keep breathing and not get so far that I'd make an ass of myself on a date.
And these things don't normally bother me more than once. It all seems circumstantial, like any detail at any time can just stick and wreck me for way longer than it seems like it should.
I've been doing better but I'm terrified. I'm going to visit this boy and I'm so excited to see him, but so scared to get on an airplane where I'm packed in with people I don't know and have no way out of it and nothing I can do. And getting to know this person where everything is new, all while having no idea what tiny little thing is gonna fuck me up next. I'm doing my best, but damn. There's no preparing for it and no avoiding it. It just happens when it wants to and I desperately want to understand so I can try to get better or at least not look like a jackass, being a full grown man shaking and sobbing and yelling because one little thing just didn't hit right. But it's pointless. I'll never know. | ptsd |
Unrelated to being an aspie at least i think but why do people say things like i dont understand this post and then proceed to post and end up assuming or missing the point entirely. Its something that happens a lot of places its okay its juat odd | aspergers |
Im 18 years old and I havent taken my mods for probably around 5-6 years now, because I never felt like they has any effect on me. My mom was a childs nurse and she always pushed me into taking them but at some point she gave in and agreed on me not taking meds anymore. I have always been happy that I didn't take any meds anymore, but yesterday I found out about r/ADHD and r/ADHDmeme and I saw a lot of problems that I struggle with daily, like not being able to focus on a task for more than a short amount of time, generally being unmotivated to do anything at all or a kind of social awkwardness (If I can say it like that). And especially recently I was struggling even more with the last part because I didn't understand the situation correctly and overreacted which destroyed a lot for me. Basically I have been extra down the last month, which I never really experienced in such a dimension. So basically a lot of the problems that I always thought came from me just being me appeared in those 2 subreddits and I wanted to ask if medication could help me even tho I didn't really feel anything from them when I was younger. Also I thought it was a good idea to ask here in case some people here have had similar experiences and started taking meds again and I didn't wanna talk to a doctor or my family about because I basically didn't want them to worry about me or anything because I think I'm doing a somewhat decent job at keeping my thoughts and feelings to me.
Anyways thank you so much to everyone that took their time to read this. Have a good day (: | ADHD |
*This post is the experience of a recently diagnosed teenager on slow-releasing stimulants. A long post in* r/ADHD? *What am i thinking* 😂 *But I need to process my symptoms while waiting for my doctor's online response.* ***18M*** *//* ***Main points in bold if you don't want to read.***
**Just got diagnosed with ADHD three days ago after suspecting for a year or so. Started 30mg Vyvanse. These are my side effects. 2 negative, 3 positive. ADHD vets please help if you know a remedy for sleep.**
**POSITIVE:** **Immediately noticed the improvement in physical execution Day 1**. For example, I get up and shower, and actually SHOWER in the shower, no complication or overthinking about it because I had #HygieneAndSelfMaintenanceProblems. Now, self-care is easy.
**POSITIVE:** **My thoughts are going slow enough that I practice putting them in order, forming healthier thought habits.** Don't get me wrong- my depressive and anxious thoughts still occur at first- but my response is actual ration and the thought ends there. My old "ration" was to dissociate, then ruminate, leading to anxiety increase & racing thoughts. (Even how sequential and cohesive my thoughts translate to this post is not really how it normally comes out. I used to be (as in like 4 days ago) too scared to post on here, but everything is much different now.)
**POSITIVE:** Social anxiety, fear of rejection, depersonalization lessened. I feel more like myself. **My amygdala is on vacation and my frontal lobe just clocked in.**
**Those are my good symptoms. Here's my bad ones:**
**NEGATIVE: I can't sleep.** The starting dose is small, only 30mg, which is why I can't decide if I was misdiagnosed, or if this is simply my first reaction. I'm tracking everything, & my sleep over 3 days/72hrs under medication, has been 13hrs. Typically it's 4hrs each night, between 4-8AM, and the only reason I wake is because I need to take it again early enough (7AM) to where I doesn't keep me up at night. It clearly doesn't work because I stay up. I've heard of people slipping into psychosis and/or mania with sleep deprivation and want to avoid that. Vyvanse make me less sensitive and more thoughtful rather than euphoric, or agitated, or run by a motor. Nor do I hear things/feel strange. If anything I felt strange and agitated before this.
**NEGATIVE:** Last thing, **my larynx fucking hurts.** As if there's a physical representation of a cough just chillin on my larynx, waiting to come out. I have hoarse voice, and have to be silent, or it hurts. This causes social withdraw because talking makes the larynx itch and tense more. I also have runny nose as well. It's highly likely if not certainly laryngitis. I don't know how it happened.
​
***Theres my long ass post, hopefully I will be an ADHD Vet soon, and some lost person, recently diagnosed, could read this all and be able to relate and find relief.*** | ADHD |
Hi, I was on 40mg of citalopram for 10 plus years. Was at a stage in life where I was coping and decided I would see a pysch and try a new antidepressant. I have tried Cymbalta, Brintelix and experienced shortness of breath as soon as the tablets would start to kick in after 2 weeks or so. I then thought I would go back onto citalopram because at least I never experienced shortness of breath but after a week or so of going back onto citalopram the shortness of breath came back. Once I stop the medication the shortness of breath feeling goes away. Currently on 15mg of mirtazapine and do not experience the shortness of breath but if I go over the 15mg of mirtazapine the feeling of SOB comes back. Is this something others have experienced and can you push through the shortness of breath feeling and it eventually goes away? Have had ever test done and my lungs are clear and heart is normal so no physical issues. I find mirtazapine good for anxiety but not as good for depression at the 15mg dose. | depression |
Sorry I really don’t have the energy to explain any further than: I am not doing well at all. I am afraid of everything and everyone. I am functioning on the outside okay, but the panic attacks are too much. I’m on meds and in therapy. Afraid of being “locked up” because that’s the source of this. | ptsd |
The best way I can describe it is that, say you’re building a world for a game and you’re using pre made assets to create it, whenever I do certain actions in my mind I need to scan/Imagine all of those assests perfectly cause 24/7 im always imagining and creating these “worlds” in my mind, but my mind forcibly injects distracting/distressing images when imagining these “assets” which ruins the entire “world” which causes a ton of anxiety, I have no fears of anything happening irl, just that I won’t be able to imagine these “worlds” as I want them, this is my thought process whenever im bot doing something and sometimes even while im busy, even if I just try and not attach any meaning to these intrusive images and sounds (starting to include sounds now) I can’t, I wish I could just stop thinking | OCD |
So, I got diagnosed last month. The funny thing is:
There are like 6 people in my life that I would call friends, 4 of them are also diagnosed and another one is undiagnosed. That would be a 66 (or 83 if we also count the undiagnosed one) percentage of ADHD in my group of friends. Most of them I've got to know through the internet.
I never could understand why I connect so well to people that are diagnosed with ADHD until I got diagnosed. Is it because we can understand each other better than non-adhd'ers can? The friendships never seem dull, especially the friendship between me and my best friend. We're like 'fixated' on each other, we just never get bored when we're playing video game sessions of 15-20 hours together. It doesn't work with other people though.
What are your experiences with ADHD in your circle of friends? | ADHD |
Ok I apologize if this gets somehow graphic but I had a weight gain fetish I’m a physically fit kid, but I’m getting intrusive thoughts that I want to gain weight and that it pleasures me, the thought of gaining weight would be sexually gratifying but overall it gives me anxiety thinking about it, I don’t wanna gain weight I’m not sure if I can escape this. | OCD |
does anyone know of any online support groups for people with family members who have ptsd/take care of people with ptsd? | ptsd |
tomorrow I got a session with my therapist and we wanted to start talking about the events that I've dealt with.
now the thing is, I find it difficult just to talk about them. like I could do a quick overview on some of them but in terms of actually going into detail and taking my time- I don't feel like I could do it well.
everytime I try to even write them out, I just end up giving up on it. with both talking and writing it's like I'm pushing against a very heavy brick wall that's trying to close the room more by moving towards me.
I'm aware I could just say I'm not ready, but the thing is I want to do this. mainly just to get it out of the way so I could move on from this part.
anyone relate? | ptsd |
Hey yall!
So I have PTSD that can be traced back to childhood trauma, like the whole thing. Just chuck the whole childhood in the trash.
I'm 24 now and have recently, in the past couple of months, started having really bad PTSD flashbacks, which is something that has not been an issue (or at least as big of an issue) over the past six years. It happens typically on the drive home (with me in the passenger seat), and the slightest association with something that happened in my past will bring up a memory (but not quite a full memory? more of a random flash of an image that my mind immediately shuts down), but because I only see it for a second, I can't dismiss it away, so my mind tries to bring it back, and then shuts down again, and back and forth until a headache breaks out.
I've been in a steady relationship for three years now, and so she has clearly picked up on the fact that things are different now, but I find it very difficult to explain what is actually happening. She is worried that I was faking being okay since I met her, and that I had just faked everything, when in reality I think I'm just... becoming less numb? Maybe? It feels like something has unlocked inside me and now I'm just getting worse.
I'm not sure how to put a description to what's happening that will make things clear to someone who is nuerotypical, who has never dealt with trauma like this. I don't know what to do.
Please help. | ptsd |
Note: Not diagnosed, but strongly suspect I have Aspergers.
In my search for how/if I can break off on my own and stop working in an office (still doing what I do in an office, but on my own terms, with less day to day interaction), I thought about offering as something to help fill in the gaps of my income, teaching something that I have learned (Karate) to kids that would have a hard time being accommodated in a typical "dojo" setting. As kind of an ad-hock PE class. This is not a 100% altruistic movement, but I do hope to help them feel that they can accomplish something like this as well.
There are two schools nearby that offer education to children on the spectrum, with ADD and also Down Syndrome, that I'd like to approach about this.
While I understand that there are many MANY manifestations of Autism, and I don't have a lot of experience with ADD (but have a friend who is and understand there is at least some overlap of symptoms between ADD and Autism), and I have absolutely zero experience with Downs, is there anything that I can do to both make my teaching more effective to any of those demographics as well as make it as fun as possible without losing the intent of the class?
Any steps I can take to make a student more comfortable in my class, and control "non-compliance" (where it can be, I understand that's not always possible though)? I believe what I have to be a "mild" manifestation of aspergers, as I have been able to just keep living life (albeit uncomfortably) for as long as I have, and have just come close to a "breaking point" that makes me feel as if I should start doing something differently and take more control of my life... so I've not necessarily been exposed to how to deal with certain situations as they arise in more severe cases. I imagine that the school itself would help get me acclimated/adjusted if they accept my proposal though?
Any advice welcomed... even if it is to strongly discourage me from starting something like this. Depending on responses here, I might post this same question in the ADHD forum and downsyndrome on to get more feedback. | aspergers |
Due to depression I lost a friend of 7 years. This happened back in early June.
You’d think I’d let go of this entire situation by now (December), but not really… the reason why I hold on is because her and I’s friendship meant a lot to me, but now if anything now I sort of feel resentment for being mistreated by her in the first place... Maybe writing this will help me let go. I am hoping for some opinion or feedback of some sort.
So this year has really pushed my emotional limits to their max. Over the course of the past 2 years I have lost 4 loved ones to death... turns out I had one hell of a time letting them go (I never lost loved ones throughout the course of my life). I live out of state from the majority of my family to build my career and some day I plan to return with more experience. With the pandemic happening I never got to attend any of their funerals due to the fear of potentially making my other loved ones sick with it (I worry about their health and my own, I also simply did not want to be a reason my other loved ones got sick) and due to some restrictions my job had imposed to prevent the spread. Basically, I never got the closure I personally needed...
# What happened:
After receiving my vaccination for COVID, a friend of 7 years and I scheduled a trip to visit with each other. I should point out right away that I loved her… I had feelings for her (which may have scared her away idk) which I simply just wanted to reveal to her, whether something came from it or not didn’t matter too much because I waited for perhaps too long to say anything about it.
I live out of state from her (my friend) and my family. I did take a vacation to go see them all. When I witnessed the resting place of my 4 loved ones who passed, it depressed me quite a bit. This was just a couple days before the trip my friend and I took planned out.
During the trip, things went ok for the majority of it, but towards the end is where things began to crumble. See at the time I had a fear of rejection (the fear was strong enough to be scared of even the assumptions I had). I cried myself to sleep that night not only because I was grieving from missing my deceased loved ones but also because I started experiencing a post-traumatic stress episode of traumatic things that happened in my past... lets say I didn't choose to grow up within a dysfunctional family. Never has this happened to me before. Literally felt like my past came back to haunt me mentally in addition to the grief I was already feeling.
I know she saw me in this depressed state and she didn’t help me in any way, although she didn’t have to, but a good friend would ask what’s wrong right? The next morning I did attempt to tell her my feelings while being emotionally overwhelmed (crying) and she spoke harshly towards me telling me I was too stuck inside my head with a rude tone of voice. Like she was disappointed by me being this way. This made my depression so much worse. With as much pain as I was already feeling and that on top of it, I acted back defensively with what felt like instinct. (I didn't physically hurt her by the way, let make that clear). This eventually led me to ending the friendship out of projection (I felt like a unworthy friend so I thought I'd may as well get it over with), She took what I said fully seriously (which is understandable I guess). I regretted saying this with all my heart and made it known to her not very long after (a couple hours). I don't think this would have happened if she was more understanding of what I was experiencing. I wasn't crazy, I was hurting.... a lot.
She lectured me which eventually led us to arguing with each other. She didn’t act like she was on my side but maybe she was trying to help. She only made my depression worse. Basically, she started a fire. Thing is, it seemed like she tried to put this fire out, but she couldn't (made it worse) and well eventually just ran away and let it burn (let me put out what she started), Telling me to get help as she exited and blocking me from pretty much everything while at it. She made me feel like complete crap, made my already existing depression worse, made me feel stupid, made me feel significant.... like less of a man. Left me in a very depressed state to the point where I couldn't eat for days, self-care was a huge challenge and keeping my place clean was also a huge challenge. The little motivation I could scape up from the bottom of the barrel was used to keep from losing my job and the life I worked so hard for the past 7 years to achieve. I didn't want it all to fall apart.
I did seek help have been sticking with it for the past 6 months (therapy). At first I thought it was all my fault, overshadowed with overwhelming guilt but now I see that it was my depression taking me over. Gradually, as I healed (6 months of therapy later), the more I realized that she played a part in all this (making my depression worse). It almost seems like she wanted to end it anyways, but then again… I think she didn’t realize what she was actually doing and neither did I. I’ve seen the best in her and I believe her and I are fully capable of putting it behind us, but she's currently handling it in an immature way from what I've heard from other friends and some family.
I want to believe what happened was perhaps a misunderstanding. I didn’t intend any unethical behavior, but that’s just how depression can affect me I suppose. It was scary. Negative thought after negative thought. Thoughts shape your reality. I feel ok today with the occasional depression spell (they are not as serious as they were at the beginning, best wishes to those who feel this way as a living... you deserve the best). My feelings for her persist because of hope, but I'm starting to see all my efforts of having a chance of reconciliation as hopeless. I feel wronged for being a human with emotions... sure I didn't handle it super well but neither did she. I at least tried to fix things. Getting over her has been perhaps the biggest challenge of my life and I still have not done this entirely. I'm working on becoming a better person. I'm working on healing and working towards what makes me happy. I've learned a lot during these past 6 months. I just wish she was still my friend. It has been a very overwhelming road to recovery.
I only wish she would talk to me to overcome this potential misunderstanding because I do miss her and friendships of 7 years don’t always come and go as they are very rare. I don’t know what went through her mind, but I know pain was only going through mine.
# The Questions
What do you all think? Do you think I should attempt to reconcile? Or should I just move on entirely? Maybe I’m just afraid to grow and I just need to be told this. At this point though I do feel frustration and some anger for being wronged like that. I want to confront her and call her out for treating me like dirt and for what she has done and I am very tempted to next time I return back to my home state (no violence btw) to get it off my chest and put out the last flame. I think it would help me get over her but I also don't think its the best solution and I could use some advice. Do you think she needs to be called out for putting an old friend down to the lowest he has ever been in his life?
Any help would be greatly appreciated! | depression |
So all my life I've had OCD as far as I've known. As a kid I couldn't move on with my day unless my room and sheets were tucked in perfectly and all my clothing was tucked into themselves. If anything ever disturbed this order I would get really grumpy and angry, which in return my mom would sing me a song about how grumpy I am (usually cheered me up). Eventually this went away but then came in obsessing on all my actions or things I had no control about. This continued on throughout my life and has been getting worse than ever. Now I'm starting to have uncertainty with my memories and having really bad intrusive thoughts about these memories I normally have never associated anything bad with. Because I know I didn't and don't have I'll intentions in most cases. A lot of the uncertainty comes with trauma from my childhood mainly being a decent amount of physical abuse and rape done to me by someone close to me. But then my brain goes into, maybe I asked for it and if I really didn't want any of this to continue I would have told someone or told them to stop. But it just feels like an endless loop, shit I already know the answer to and I know I'm a good person but I can stop thinking about these situations. And about how maybe I'm not a good person at all, and maybe I did do these things. Which then just keeps going and feels that I'm rewriting my memories. It doesn't seem to matter whether I know the truth or not, my brain would rather believe anything but the truth. Which of course these things being my bigger fears helps me understand that it's OCD.
I know this seems just like a vent which it is kind of. But I'm more curious if you think it's worth talking to a therapist. I've tried it before but we didn't mesh well. Plus I feel I already know all my issues and that talking to someone will just feel worse since they'll know the inside of my head. So I guess I'm kind of scared to talk to a therapist but at the same time I don't feel the need to pay someone to officially state that I have OCD, anxiety, depression and some PTSD. But again I can be wrong, and that's why I'm curious what y'all think and y'all's experiences? | OCD |
sword of damocles hanging over my head. i can sense what’s about to happen.. and i can just watch it unfold. the hair is about to snap. wanna escape this but i can’t..there is no running from it. fuck. | depression |
pictures arent allowed here, but its so beautiful with flowers around it on my arm. a reminder that im a badass strong survivor for the rest of my life | ptsd |
Hello! Well, a bit of background, I'm 28 f, since I was 21 more or less (or dont remember well) I started taking ritalin or concerta (methylphenidate) but I only took a dose when I really needed it, like when I was super super distracted or in my own world.
One year ago my doctor switch my meds for non stimulants ones (atomoxetine, brand name Recit,and I've been taking the dose daily as told by my doc) because with the stimulants I would get very anxious, it would supress my hunger to the point of not eating nearly all day( or forget to eat because I would get really concentrated on something), my heart would go crazy and I would get euphoric for a good 15 min after taking it, also the crash I got after the med wore off my system was awful. And don't get me started with the grumpiness.
Now that I've been taking atomoxetine for at least a year I don't know if it has done something for me besides the fact that I have a higher heart rate which is expected apparently and weight loss.
Also is really expensive in my country and at the moment I dont think I'm in a position to spend that money. I have other health issues that are unfortunately taking all the money I have.
So, my questions is, have you ever thought of quitting medication? Did you do it? And how did it go?
I'm in a dilema, because I'm scared of not functioning without the meds but at the same time I know the money is a problem now (oh and not gonna lie, after so many years on adhd meds I'm still scared of side effects or scare of the what if so much dopanine or norepinephrine is bad for the body in the long run etc)
Another thing is that I'm tired of medication for everything and doctors. Since I have other health issues been at the doctor is a common thing for me and I'm so tired. I'm so young to be taking so many meds, I feel I need a break or I'm gonna go crazy.
Adhd meds (the Atomoxetine) helps with depression as well according to my psychiatrist, I take sertraline for panick attacks and for my depression, what if I stop taking the adhd med and I get even more depressed of what I already am?
As you can see I am very confused. Next week I have an appointment with my neurologist to talk about this and see if we can try no meds for a few months. I don't know.
Your thoughts and opinions are welcome. | ADHD |
*Writes long text about how he feels and the all time low he’s and and why*
*Accidentally deletes it reconfirming the universe is even telling him to know his fucking place trash*
Todays failure physically made me feel my self worth hit absolute zero. I’m so sad I’m not sad I’m just calm and empty.
I completely hate myself.
Nobody’s ever gonna get anywhere in life waiting on a ride. | depression |
Context: I’m in Berlin - where there are very limited licensed therapists. I understand there are severe patients and very limited slots.
I told my depression, how I don’t want to wake up and how I feel empty and always seek to escape.
He asked me what I’m doing battle it - told him I tried forums, reading feel better by David burns. He smirked and said I’m not American like you where you have a therapist as a companion who listens to you for 20+ years. And sarcastically said hope that book helps. He said he doesn’t need anymore patients and said good lick fighting your emptiness.
My depression comes from identity and purpose issues as a minority. And this white British man treats me as this privileged rich American who thinks he deserves a therapy.
Fuck entitled German therapist. It took so much courage to seek help and just called me entitled American. | depression |
NTs seem to be obsessed with it. It just seems so pointless. | aspergers |
Recently, about 3 weeks ago, I have been over conscious of this body part and it won’t seem to go away. I need help and sometimes I even feel like I’m going to go insane. For example, I would focus on like my hands, foot, and fingers, it’s not like thinking about it it’s more like you know that certain body part is there without having to think or look at it. Everyday I wake up, the first thing I notice is that certain body part, it gets me pretty anxious. I don’t know what it is, I’ve been going online to seek help or find out but I can’t seem to find any results of this awareness to body parts. I just need help, I don’t know what to do. | OCD |
I'm doing it for a long time. When i'm focusing on something or feeling nervous i'm pulling hair from my brows and eyelashes. I don't have half of my brows because of it. Just curious if any of you experienced this and how i can overcome it | ptsd |
I just got a call from the police that my boyfriend was arrested for masturbating in public. We just signed the lease on an apartment together. He has porn addiction but he had promised me he had stopped. I am so hurt and so sad. What do I do now? I feel like if we broke up I would be suicidal, but I feel repulsed by him. A girl saw him and filmed him. I want to die. I really want to die and I have no one and I don’t know what to do. | depression |
First off I’m gonna call my depression anxiety adhd bundle sam (just a random name my therapist I and I came up with to make rendering to it easier) second off stop reading here if u are sensitive to suicide type things. Do umm here we go with my middle of the night rant
I’ve always had sam on my shoulder telling me to off myself cuz if I died nobody would care but lately I’ve noticed a shift. Before I would counter that with well I wanna see tomorrow. But lately I’ve seen myself unable to respond with that. There used to be a little sliver within myself that always wanted to be alive but it left. I look inside myself and I only see an aggressive pervasive overwhelming urge to find myself dead. I now tell myself others will care but from Sam telling me others want me dead and my discounting that I now discount others in regards to this new shit as well.
Idk why I wrote this it’s not like it has a lot of meaning or substance nor am I looking for help. I think I just wanted to type this and maybe someone might read it and at least that might bring me some weird validation that I’m not faking my depression. But idk I’m not gonna be responding to anything so bye. | depression |
I'm starting to think college just isn't for me. At the same time, I've been told all my life that I absolutely need to have a college degree to live in this world. What has been your experience?
AutoMod says I need more words, so here's my life story: I'm close to losing my financial aid because I'm constantly failing classes. I was undiagnosed until more recently. My therapist is unhelpful and medication has not made much of a difference. I don't think I'll ever do well in college. The only time I was doing well was when we were still doing online learning, but everything is in-person now. I'm falling apart. | ADHD |
Hello everyone, a dog in a leash tried to bite me yes, but instead just scratched my skin a little and now I'm afraid of rabies , even after the owner told me the dog was vaccinated | OCD |
I have recently started in college and I am failing one of my classes. I have never failed a class, nor gone below a C average. I spoke with my advisor and they said I should be 'studying 2-3 hours a day, at minimum."
How am I supposed to find the time for this?! I already am exhausted from homework from this plus other classes, and I already studied some for this class I am failing. If I were to put this much effort into every class, I would be up at 2 in the morning if I didn't both eating or going to the bathroom.
Add in ADHD, I don't know what to do. My attention span can't be held that long. I'm having a breakdown internally right now. | ADHD |
Hi everyone I suffer with ocd and sometimes while I’m having seCc with my partner I start thinking about other people too I don’t want to think about them but my mind keeps telling me I have to also it only happens sometimes but Rn it’s gettin worse it makes me feel like a bad person…everyone like me too? | OCD |
My parents kept pushing me to do anything they want " For my Future ". My own coping of exercising doesnt even have rest because my D of a father keeps scolding and crap talk me when I refuse his " absolute advice". Fk this I cant wait whats his judgement on me next those hypocrites. | depression |
i've been trying on and off since 2016 to learn various languages, none of which have worked :/ i was wondering if any of you had any apps / tips / sites / guides that really worked for you?
i've tried a ton of them, but the one i've used the most on and off is duolingo. i can never get myself in a routine to use it for more than a couple days, though :(
maybe i'll make another post trialing a bunch of these and seeing if they work for me. sorry i'm rambling ^-^;
tl;dr my adhd makes it really hard to learn a second languages so im looking for apps / sites / tips / guides / anything at all that helps YOU learn languages. ty! | ADHD |
I’ve figured out I have OCD about 2 years ago at this point, although I know it’s been the main issue of my life since 9 or 10. But my question is after you know you have OCD, what tricks do you guys do to help cope with it? Some days I have great control and others it just consumes all of me and my mind. | OCD |
So I only recently figured out I have autism, but one thing I've struggled with for years is my identity.
I thought maybe I'd know what I wanted out of life once I was an adult. That's unfortunately not the case.
Maybe it's the depression, the anxiety, and lack of friends to go on deep adventures with.
Sometimes I feel like I'm closer to figuring myself out and then I end up just as confused as I started.
I just figured out this year that I may be non-binary but it's hard to know when I'm afraid to tell anyone since my parents think my ideas are crazy and being referred to as a girl has always bothered me. I worry no one at home would take me seriously since my noise aversion angers everyone despite the fact that I frequently say that loud noise stresses me out.
I don't know whether I love my family or despise them for the way they make me feel. The only people I love (platonically) are my cat, my favorite brother, his wife, and my nephew.
Everything and everyone else seem like emotional quicksand to me. I understand emotions and yet lacking the distinction between loving and hating my parents makes my brain go haywire.
I want to love them but they stress me out and if they knew the real me and the secrets I bury inside I know for a fact that they'd hate me.
I depend on them until I manage to live far away( if that's financially possible) I want to hate them because they make me feel like I'm going insane.
People sometimes feel motivated to live for their families, but it's hard when my favorite brother lives away and the family I see most often makes me want to rip my ears out and scream.
I don't know what to live for. I don't know and it's terrifying since I'm 21 and I hate feeling so confused and lost. | aspergers |
I recently decided I wanted to paint my room. So I did. But the problem is I did half of it in one day and then I completely lost any and all interest or motivation to finish it. Tried to do some today but I just couldn’t. Just got frustrated and irritable and just laid on the floor of my room lol. Why am I like this… | ADHD |
Ugh. I just feel hollow at this point. My OCD (if I even have it, most of the time I feel like I’m lying) has really ramped up the past few years. Now I’m on medication, and while it’s taken the feelings from stabbing pains to dull aches, I feel like I’m...depressed? Which isn’t something I thought I would associate with. I know it’s something most people would never associate with me. I would say I naturally have a sunny disposition, I was raised to always be polite and generally I really enjoy being social so for short bursts I can be okay. But then I get home to my room that was once my pride and joy that I haven’t cleaned for weeks. I really want to, I want to put all my clothes away but it just seems pointless. I’ve been eating total crap for the past year, straight up junk food 24/7 because I’m never in the mood for anything and McDonald’s is sometimes my only dopamine boost for the day. My family hate the state of my hair and want me to go get it done at a hairdressers, but honestly I just can’t be bothered. Same goes for my skincare routine - I used to have like 12 steps, now just putting on moisturiser feels like an achievement. I can’t focus on my uni work. I’m constantly bored, but nothing sounds good? I lay in bed most of the time watching TikTok and even that is so boring but I just feel too tired to do much else. I take soooo many naps, and weirdly for the past year or two, especially since taking medication, I haven’t been able to cry? I feel a bit numb, even after receiving some great news and some bad news lately I couldn’t really react or tear up. Overall, I guess I’m just ranting because I feel hopeless. Sometimes I want to try ERP, but at the moment I can’t even find the motivation. Please tell me it can get better? | OCD |
Can you share your experience with "Exposure Therapy" and how to do it.. and did it work for you? | OCD |
Hi, I am 15M in 10th grade, I have my boards next month(a test like SAT) I know I I missing a lot of topics and I really wanna study but I just...can't. I know what I need to study I know where I am lacking but I just can't study It's more like I don't even know where to start , I just had my PreBoards and I didn't do that well and I really really wanna study because ik if I do I can score better but I am not able to. Any tips or advice? | ADHD |
Does anybody who has breathing sensorimotor OCD also wake up multiple times at night not being able to breathe, dizzy, and disoriented? | OCD |
My psychiatrist advised me against coffee because of concerns it may cause anxiety. Obviously, this victory isn't just thanks to coffee, because I could drink coffee before and not get any motivation. I also take Strattera and Effexor (an antidepressant), which combined with coffee and overall mental health create this state of awareness and productivity.
Should I tell my psychiatrist this? Or will he think I'm unable of following advice?
EDIT: I'm not taking any stimulants at the moment | ADHD |
According to TCM(Traditional Chinese Medicine), the function of the brain and kidney or liver are highly interconnected.
From my understanding, due to our constantly information gathering brain(and not organizing information), it's costing us a lot.
Human beings usually has some kind of a dopamine gate kind of thing to hold them off from getting too hooked up to their interests. To differ between what's long-term and short-term, what's more important in the long run and what's irrelevant.
And we're unfortunately different(or, fortunate if you see it from another perspective actually.)
From physical to mental health, we're bombarded by damaging chaotic informations.
I actually have a direct example from myself and my friends.
We all either have kidney/liver problems.
Starting from sleeping too late in the night,
Too much use of meds/very little hydration,
Easily tired and or bad posture that can indirectly affect the welfare of the organs mentioned.
I wonder if this rang a bell to anyone else here?
Because I believe this is not a coincidence at all.
Please let me know what you think, it'll help me a lot. | ADHD |
So I am a planner junkie through and through. Type a. Capricorn. I have collections of planners, pens, highlighters, mid liners—you name it!!
Before my diagnosis of combo ADHD last year, my ONLY coping mechanism was meticulously using a physical planner & corresponding calendar to keep me sane. It was a ritual. It was lovely. It was the highlight (get it) of my day, week, and month.
Ever since the pandemic, I’ve switched to working from home. My appointments are all virtual. I DONT GO ANYWHERE!! So I completely abandoned my one life boat.
Im curious if anyone out there is sharing this experience and/or have you found a way to use planners/calendars to help your “new normal” and your love of organization come together? | ADHD |
So whenever I here about someone else doing something wrong my brain instantly searches my memory to see if I did anything similar. It could be the tiniest thing and then I feel like I’m a terrible person and I should kms. | OCD |
I’m not interested particularly in his coaching but his YouTube videos seem decent. Any Thoughts? | OCD |
I'm tired of fighting the depression, of living each day alone and unhappy and tired.
My body is so fucked up and awful, I can't stand it. I don't even want to change things for my life, I'm too unhappy and see no point in anything. Everything and everyone I love will die, I cannot change this. I'll lose even more friends, even more family, even more pets. I'll just fall deeper in this hole, become even more unlikeable, to continue to disappoint and weigh down those I care about who remain.
I just don't want to be alive anymore, to exist in this empty shell. I'm just so tired of this awful world, this awful life. I just want to go away. | depression |
I don't know how to explain this but I feel like my mind is depressed but my body is not. Like my body wants to live a good life while my mind is like "I'm so fuckk", " I give up". This conflict preventing me from functioning. I'm frozen in bed unable to take actions I need to. I have heard of depression by chemical imbalance, and dipolar depression but this is new. | depression |
My dad died 4 almost 5 years ago and ever since evey holiday has been complete shit. I have a girlfriend now and we had so many plans and I thought this was gonna finally be a good holiday. However she is depressed rn and can't drive the hour here cause she doesn't trust herself to. Also she's sick now which isn't her fault but it's gonna be another shit holiday and all our plans are ruined so that's fun. Yayy I'm sick of this, everything goes wrong constantly in my life. | depression |
Let me explain further. Is it possible to have trauma from self harm. Example: I once burned myself with bleach very bad and had to go through a long, painful recovery. I washed it using a certain soap, which now makes me sick to smell. But, I originally did the burn (as well as the other things) myself. I don’t know if it’s even possible to have trauma when you did it on purpose, but after I did it I regretted it and the recovery process and healing is probably the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. So, that brings me back to my question: is it possible to have self-inflicted trauma? | ptsd |
In dance class I’d always be told I was just a little behind everyone else. I never knew what I was doing. But I’d be told I had great form. I never knew if I was doing things right though. I feel like when I try even learning tik tok dances I do awful. I can’t memorize the dances and I can’t do them on my own I always lag behind.
When it comes to socializing I shut down and become almost cold or silent to avoid talking to people because it scares me
When it comes to school I’m always concerned I’m going to make a mistake or that I’m not doing things right and I can’t focus on anything I don’t understand
When it comes to my job I do not work well with others at all. The reason is because I’m too insecure to work with others. I don’t trust myself enough to work with others
One of my other issues is I have absolutely no grit. I’ll start a team sport like cross country and than after a few months I’ve completely given up and I start to slack which makes everything sososo much harder. I’m not a quitter so I never stop going to practice but I mentally give out and I just can’t push myself. I’ve never had the ability to push myself. I also give up on school | ADHD |
I’m 28 and pretty much always been single. I know the dating pool pretty much gets smaller as you grow older. It’s kinda hard being single at my age, seeing all your old friends moving on with their partners and getting married etc, but at the same time I feel like I’m not in a rush to settle down. However, I still feel like I’d like to settle down at some point before I die at least lol.
So are there any out there who met their partners when they were older than the majority of people who get into relationships lol? | aspergers |
so a few days ago i posted on here about sh and nearly killing myself and luckily a few people on here and my bf talked me out of it in the moment and i was struggling so bad… today i was driving and i lost control of my car and it spun 3 or 4 times… my car was completely totaled and everyone was saying how lucky i am i survived and how lucky i am to not have suffered any injuries (all i have is a small abrasion on my ankle and a neck brace for the week) and idk it was interesting because i did almost die and i didn’t and i don’t know how to feel about that. at the hospital my mom yelled at me because they made me strip down and she saw my sh marks and it honestly made me feel worse… some part of me wishes i had actually died | depression |
It's my first.time.posting here but, I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to a out this. My brother got accepted to his dream job and will be starting in two weeks and I am so, SO happy for him. He's such a hard worker and I love him dearly and he's been trying for years to get this position and he's finally got it. After he told me over the phone I was so happy but then suddenly overcome with a deep visceral fear for him. Idk why. I have relatively mild symptoms and control them really well with work and medication. But I've been overcome all day with fear and am.feeling compelled to do things I haven't done in a really long time to protect him. I wasn't rly anticipating this feeling from myself and I feel so overwhelmed and upset by it I just don't know what to do. This is the last piece of news I would have expected to trigger me like this but, here I am. I'm going to try and avoid irrational behavior if I can, but I needed to get this out because my head feels like it's gonna pop.rnow. if anyone's felt something similar in response to good news it would be nice to hear if you are willing to share. Solidarity and all. ❤️ | OCD |
Ex fiance was my abuser. Left her over a year ago. Was supposed to feel better, now its unimaginably quite the opposite. Emotionally abused, cut off from my life entirely, she disowned everything i ever loved about life. 100s of suicide attempts from her, i honestly cant count.
Im with someone new now, im afraid to open up to her about just how bad im doing. Im afraid no one will listen
Im left i cant trust anyone, nightmares about the abuser every damn night, constant voice of hers in my head telling me im not enough to amount to anything, im never gonna be worth it, its all my fault, i shouldve listened. 99% of my life is full of these thoughts, constant sharp pains in my heart full of an unbearable amount of anxiety and panic.
I don't like being pinned down with decisions, sends me into a chaotic spiral, cant ask for help it does the same, in afraid that no one will care about it and just brush it off. Im doing soo damn bad rn i absolutely hate myself.
I dont know how much longer i can go Like this, i feel soo trapped with no way out. Like a hostage, just how she treated me | ptsd |
Ok so I haven’t been diagnosed yet, I am waiting to tell my parents. I want to say this because I’d feel bad if I didn’t.
I am in high school, and I have a crush. I had just turned 17 and they had recently turned 16. Our birthdays are a week apart. If we end up dating, I realized that when I turn 18, they’ll still be 16, even if it’s only for a week. Isn’t that technically p*dophilia? Where I live the age of consent is 17, so couldn’t I possibly go to jail?
I really just don’t know. I feel disgusted even thinking about it. If it is true that it is wrong and that I could go to jail for it, I don’t want to go anywhere near my crush.
I understand this is probably odd and the answer may be obvious but I can’t think. I’m sorry | OCD |
It’s weird idk if my empathy is gone because of this but I don’t get upset or feel anything anymore how do I get it back because everything feels fake like I’m living in a lie what if I am a psychopath and I’m using this as an excuse because the harm ocd feels like I want to act on my thoughts and I can’t tell if I’m afraid or if I like them because I don’t feel anxious Idk if it’s fantasies about harming people this bullshit all started just cuz I watched Jeffery dahmer ffs | OCD |
I haven’t been officially diagnosed with ADHD, (well - technically I was when I was 19, but that was in the US and it was fairly easy to be diagnosed). Since I moved to Europe, I haven’t gone to a doctor for a diagnosis or therapy. (I live in Germany for reference).
Lately, I’ve been falling deeper and deeper into a rut of despair and frustration and more responsibilities start to weigh on me. I constantly feel like I’m drowning in the deep end of the pool. It feels like most people learned how to swim and I never did. I don’t have a raft to support myself when I am drowning either. This is my metaphorical way of expressing that I’m unable to handle my adult responsibilities and can’t cope with my feelings of being overwhelmed. It causes a spiral of shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, and feeling overall worthless. Why can’t I just get my shit together?
To make matters worse, I’m hypersensitive… truly a bleeding heart. Even movies stress me out to a point I can’t let go. It feels like I’m constantly emotional.
I don’t know how to prioritize my life or get it back on track. I’m struggling so much mentally right now I feel like I’m ready for a meltdown at any second…. In fact, I believe this actually is my meltdown. Crying as I’m posting on Reddit, desperate for answers and help.
I feel embarrassed to be posting this, because I’m usually quite good at masking (just forcing myself to continue onward), but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. | ADHD |
My 7-year old is diagnosed with ADHD and right now I am really struggling with her lying. She regularly denies things and makes up stories to avoid consequences for her actions. Many would describe her as manipulative (although I hate using that term). I try and understand that she might lie impulsively and do my best to give her do-overs. I’m really at a loss right now. I don’t want to raise a person that is untrustworthy. She also had a hard time listening and learning from other people and thinks she always knows everything and has to be right. Everything is a competition with her. I would love to hear if this resonates with you and if so, any words of encouragement or advice? She just started with a new therapist and will be starting medication tomorrow.
*edit: Even if you didn’t get in trouble for lying, would love to hear if lying was something you remember doing often. If so, any idea why? Did you grow out of it? Did anything help you stop this behavior? | ADHD |
I have no motivation to do anything, but so many people expect so much from me, cheers me when I achieve things, compliment me for how my ED got me looking. I’m just trying bc of them but is such an external care the one they have for me. They only talk to me when is about the things I’ve done, the end result but no one sees or care for how hard is for me to just stand from the bed and brush my teeth in the morning | depression |
yesterday I went to brunch with some old friends, in the moment I thought everything was going well and that I was finally getting my mask back after this covid isolation. but ever since then I've been analyzing every single thing that I said, my tone, my facial expressions - I wish I could see things through their lens to fully understand what I did wrong / what I need to change. | aspergers |
Today is my first day starting vyvanse… Since noon my resting heart rate has been 120-140 even after laying in bed for several hours. I have called my doctor twice and not heard back. The nurse called me and was like…I don’t really know I need to talk to doctor…drink a lot of water and go to ER if you feel worse. We will call you back no later than tomorrow morning!
Cool. Super cool. | ADHD |
I keep catastrophizing about tiny mistakes I made in the past or could've theoretically have made, what if you accidentally said something offensive and you got socially ostracized, what if you made a death threat that one time and you went to jail, what if someone hacked your computer and posted naked pictures of you, stuff like that. Keeps draining the energy out of everything, my life is a total mess and somehow I've managed to pass the classes and I'm gonna graduate with a decent GPA and Degree but I keep deteriorating. | OCD |
I’m in Minnesota and they require this. But anyways, I know they check levels to see if you aren’t taking it or are abusing it.
I haven’t taken my script the past few days until now. I don’t take it if I’m not at work, I had Saturday Sunday and Monday off.
So I took it today, I’ll take it tomorrow and Thursday morning before my appointment.
Is three days of using it enough to suffice the results she wants to see?
I don’t know anything about amphetamine levels or how many days this will need to give her the results she wants to see. | ADHD |
I’ve been struggling with this for a few years now, it comes and goes. I have a fear of staring inappropriately at people. I’m afraid of looking at people’s chests, behind, or crotch area. When I speak to people I look at the eyes at first, then I get this urge to look elsewhere I shouldn’t be looking at, at that point I quickly move my eyes to the side, or I nod my head quickly to kind of fight the urge. If I’m not talking to someone, I worry if I’m looking at a female’s chest, or a mans torso or crotch area. Realistically, I notice people’s body parts in my peripheral vision, but I’m not staring directly at them. If I happen to notice my eyes are looking in the general area of someone’s entire body, it’s an accident and I’m daydreaming, and not necessarily paying attention as to where my eyes went when dissociating. However in the moment I worry about if I made someone feel uncomfortable or violated, and sometimes if they’re looking at me I feel like I’m going to vomit. I don’t look at people for sexual desire, sometimes I just look at them for no reason, and I don’t want to check anybody out. Does anybody worry about this? | OCD |
im scared since i feel like its completely distorting my feelings into something that isnt true and that i dont feel at all. me and my gf are both girls and weve been together for almost 3 years and i really really love her. like more than anything. but i was obsessing over something and started feeling weird, like my brain was detaching me from her against my will and then i had this awful intrusive thought thats like “what if you just love her as a friend” and this horrible “friend” feeling has been taking over my relationship and my feelings for her and making me so weird and its like my brain suddenly cant even accept that were a couple and shes my romantic partner and that i love her, and i just feel weird. i want it to go away so bad
i dont wanna lose her or break up. when this feeling is too much i literally just sit there and cry because i know i love her so much and i dont ever wanna lose her and i know that if she broke up with me or i lost her id instantly snap back into reality. i love her, im sexually attracted to her and everything, i still get jealous, i still wanna cuddle and kiss and everything, and despite this weird feeling i HATE the idea of being just friends or even just best friends and not in a relationship. it makes me cry and the thought of not being with her makes me so scared and uncomfortable. i know that my mind is playing tricks on me and i obviously love her to death romantically, but i dont know why i still have this weird feeling!! i want it to go away. if anyone has any encouragement please help me out | OCD |
He keeps venting to me about his problems, i become supportive, i talk to him for hours. Then, when i take a break, after 2 hours he tells me how sad he is. This same loop has been happening for the past month. What do i do? Im sick and tired of it | depression |
This pandemic taught me that no matter how supportive and understanding your friends are, they get tired too at some point, and all you have is yourself | OCD |
There's a myth that the two can't manifest together but it's just that. Though it's hard to separate the two in many ways in my experience. I wish I was just dealing with social awkwardness like before but that is on a back burner at the moment because my brain insists on giving me a real hard time by scaring the shit out of me and peeling away my sense of safety and isolating me further from people. It's scary as hell and that's without the bipolar component. I seriously don't feel like I am the same. I can't go back to the way I used to trust my reality. Apparently it isn't always in line with everyone else's. I can't keep my thoughts together all the time and can completely forget things I have said or done just earlier in the day. Oddly enough I don't feel like I have it that bad but I've definitely been dysfunctional since the beginning. | aspergers |
I have c-PTSD, and I have been feeling worse lately. My trauma was over several months, but it did start in the summer. I can’t actually remember the date it started, so I don’t even know if it’s around this time. I know I tend to feel sad in the fall (especially when it’s a really nice fall day and everything’s perfect) even though it’s my favorite season, and I assume it’s from trauma-related emotions/memories. Does anyone else have any experience with an anniversary effect for long term traumas? What have you guys noticed? | ptsd |
I'm gonna give you guys a back story real quick. I have a bit of a rough life style . I have had anger issues since a child due to multiple factors. In the recent years I have tried to control those feelings because I'm a mother now. I just want to do better. I was working and just being low key . A couple months ago I was outside on the phone and got shot at. One bullet went thru my leg. I found out later it was someone I knew. I also found out they did it because of a issue they had with some one I'm close to. I'm angry. I'm obsessing over the fact that I had just brought my child inside. Not even 2 minutes before. I have spaceouts where I just think of revenge .Everytime I hear a car back fire or a noise close too it I freeze. It's like I can't even move.it should be noted that I was grazed on the back about two weeks prior sleeping over someone house in a completely different place. Two different situations both nothing to do with me.idk what to do🤦🏻♀️ | ptsd |
All my life being the youngest I always had to compete for competition no matter the short or huge age difference gap within my siblings. My mom never gave me “My time” Bc when it was she gave more time to my nieces and nephews during a really crucial time for me.
I have to live with my narcissistic mother due to financial reasons and she doesn’t make it any easier living with her every day. All day today she kept getting frustrated because I kept asking if she was going to cook or not and being secretive about it Bc I kept telling her if she didn’t I would go make myself food but would like a heads up so I can make myself food. I didn’t eat all day until 9 and the food had been sitting out… I had 4 bites out of an entire day to get full off of which I didn’t. I decided to go get some Bc she was testing my nerves decided to unwind with wife swap show, and what was depressing was how these women just took time away from their families to see how to treat them better when they come back . | ptsd |
Hi everyone!
Quick question to see if this is OCD or similar to OCD, and if other people with OCD have something similar.
But I use to be very good at public speaking, I had a strong voice, good presentation abilities, confident, went up and got done what I need to. However some time ago, I began to get anxiety with public speaking, which isn’t a big problem, but it felt like it spiraled into something much more (a common symptom of ocd fears).
My fear got worse and worse, I would ruminate on public speaking for so long, I would fear a presentation days ahead. At first it was just fear of messing up but once I got going it was ok.
However as I ruminated more and analyzed more the worse it got. I would freak out if my voice wasn’t perfect in the middle of a presentation. In the moment I would be freaking out. My mind would be anticipating my voice to quiver, to stutter, to make a fool of myself. It wasn’t just anxiety it was like a full on panic attack level of anxiety. I would say words and get through it sometimes, but even so it was like my mind was in two, one focus on presenting and the other focusing on messing up the presentation. | OCD |
Fucking skin cancer at 24. Well on my way to dropping out of college for a 2nd time. Got cheated by my girlfriend last week. Fuck this life man. Just a waste of space and everyone's time. No one is gonna care until I'm gone anyway | depression |
I'm so frustrated about my depression because of how much it fluctuates. One day I'm perfectly fine and feel motivated and happy. The next I'm overcome by my emotions and can barely get out of bed and so forth.
On the bad days, I just want to be happy
But on the good days, I feel like an imposter. Like how dare I say I have depression when I am currently happy? I gaslight myself into thinking I'm faking my illness because of small joyful moments.
I do this with my anixety too. I can literally be having a panic attack with full-blown physical reactions and all my mind is telling me is "you aren't actually experiencing this. You could stop at any moment. You just want attention."
Does anyone else experience this tug of war? | depression |
This seems to fit from observations. Some people just seem really alien to me, and yet generally get the opposite reaction from others. It would sort of make sense then if they're at the other end of the social spectrum that we'd just relate far less. And I wonder how those people would view me? Also alien, or like someone with a very noticeable (to them) impairment? | aspergers |
After discovering that I have combined type adhd I recently quit my job when I realised that the problems I'd been having were not going to get any better. I'd been working with vulnerable young people, and that was ok, but there was a LOT of tedious record keeping that involved using the companies horrible CRM system and I soon let the record keeping pile up until I lived like a hundred animal, waiting to be found out and sacked. In fact it was through using this system and my extreme reaction to it that highlighted to me that I may have a problem with extended boring tasks and this led to me getting checked for ADHD. Eventually I'd had enough and just quit, I couldn't stand it any longer.
So now I'm a bit lost and need to get into a new field that will compliment me and my condition and I'm thinking UI design?, but I'm worried that the same issues that I had in the last job will haunt me?
In my favour is that I've always been into computers and have done so since I was 13 with the arrival of the Spectrum 16k and the Commodore 64. In addition to this I've always loved art, design and digital art since the first iteration of Photoshop( though now I'm more familiar with Krita, Procreate, Inkscape, etc basically mostly open source software).
Anyway, someone has recently pointed out to me that UI is more about the design side including colour theory, aesthetics etc of an app or website and that coding is not necessarily a requirement. I'm also led to believe that there's a lot of variety. Is this correct? Or is there a ton of dreary, dry admin and operational responsibilities that come along with this role?
Basically, am I mad to consider moving into this field considering my age and aversion to drudgery?
TLDR: I'm 50 with combined type ADHD who can't stand boring tasks and has no coding experience but loves design and technology - Could I survive/thrive as a UI designer?
Thanks a million for getting this far and for any advice. | ADHD |
Hey all, I have known I have ADHD for a long time now and I’ve been struggling with it a lot, I can’t focus, I can’t remember what I had for my last meal let alone what last lecture was about. I have been struggling in school for a long time now since high school it’s been a constant downwards path and for a while I was convinced I was just stupid, and not built for school. I have been programming in various languages since I was 10 and I really really want to pursue it as a career and I just can’t do school. My parents will not let me get tested let alone get the pills I need. I’ve been begging them for years and at this point I don’t know what to do, I’m throwing my future down the drain failing for 1.5 years now. No matter how hard I try I just can’t | ADHD |
So I went to the doctors office and went through the process of being diagnosed. Well two months and 4 doctors visits later I get told “you have more than enough adhd symptoms to be diagnosed. They have been present before you were twelve but you don’t snuggle in school so I can’t diagnose you.” This girl literally handed me a print out from the internet on how to deal with adhd. She told me “try to limit your screen time”. I am just so fed up! | ADHD |
I don't know how to be happy anymore. I have nothing to live for.
School is exhausting and so stressful. It takes up the majority of my week. I can't drop out because my parents would never let me.
My family frustrates me. I can't run away. It's too complicated and the police will get me.
I have friends, but no best friends. I'm nobody's #1. They always leave me.
I have a couple hobbies but it doesn't change anything.
I hate myself, I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, and I hate my life. I lie in bed all day with my laptop.
I constantly imagine myself jumping off a building, dying and being obliterated. | depression |
I generally don't like a lot of movies, especially when they're being played loudly by those around me, but horror movies are a whole nother can of worms. It doesn't matter if I'm watching them. If I have to hear even faint screams or see a glimpse of slasher-style violence it just ruins my mood. It's the worst when eating, because in such a case I end up feeling sick and all sense of taste and enjoyment of flavor ends up fading away.
More power to you if you can handle horror movies even remotely near your senses, but it's the worst thing ever for me. | aspergers |
My supervisor pointed out how long it took me to make my sandwich during my lunch break once and now I’m self conscious about it. Like, sorry sir, I know it shouldn’t take me this long to do this simple task but I’m trying my best. I genuinely don’t understand how other people can do things so quickly, idk what my problem is, is it the way I’m organising my workflow or do I just need to physically work faster? I swear I always feel like I have to rush just to keep up with everyone else’s normal pace. | ADHD |
They all know I (21) take pills every 3 hours but not what for. My boss said himself that everyone is accepted at this job and it seems so far his words are true.
I’ve had 4 shifts in total. On Thursday I got a psychiatrist appointment and I awkwardly had to tell my boss that I can’t come in until 3 hours late. He seemed bummed, and we didn’t get to discuss it at all. It makes me really anxious. I tried texting him too.
On top of the weekly psychiatrist appointments, I’ve also just contacted a psychologist. Appointments could start as soon as within a week, but with Christmas, it’s likely to be in January. As of right now I work 7.30-16.00. The clinics close at 16… once I’m fully trained, I’ll work from 10 or 12 to 19.15 which is a lot more suitable. Could be 3 months yet tho.
I’m new. I don’t want to tell them about my newly diagnosed ADHD or my thoughts about offing myself. I’ve been treated differently by past bosses with _immediate_ effect after telling them I MIGHT have it.
At the job interview, I said I had no hobbies or vacation planned that would interfere with work time.
Well I didn’t expect to be in such a dark place just 3 weeks ago. It is however, very dark. I also didn’t expect to clock in at 7.30 when the job I applied for specifically said closing shifts.
Any experience or advice? | ADHD |
The more and more compulsions I do I feel like its stressing my body and killing myself (sharp pains short breating etc). How can I convince my self im going to be safe with this feeling? it feels so real even though ocd tries to trick us. UGH. I know if i cut out compulsions it will stop but maybe it will be too late then. | OCD |
How often do you try to monetize it in some way? Do you typically try to create a business venture from your new interest?
I’ve found that this has become a trend for me and it’s a little frustrating when I think about how many projects I’ve abandoned. It also makes me worry that I’ll have a hard time distinguishing my true niche from another temporary hyperfixation. | ADHD |
the what ifs always come across my mind.
what if my life were different. what if it would have been different.
what if i had that experience that seemed awesome that i missed out on
constantly having a fear of missing out, but at the same time my life has been filled of missing out experiences because i wasnt good enough nor lucky enough.
had to vent.probably someone here relates :( | depression |
I think I'm finally really losing my mind. Does anyone else ever do this? | OCD |
Hi there, since last year i stopped doing my hobbies cus of ocd one of which was a game. I had many ocds making my anxious to play it but the strongest was spoilers what can i do? I keep avoiding the game and its getting worst i love the game so much but the thought that the experience is gone ruins it for me what to do? | OCD |
I’ve been anxious/depressed for a long time (I’m a middle aged F :/). I can appear to be fine due to many years of being able to effectively pretend that I’m OK. I am having trouble maintaining my mask this time.
My mum is both one of my support people, but also just doesn’t really “get it”. My father had Bipolar and killed himself when I was young, yet she is somehow still in denial about mental health issues. She will say things like “oh you were fine yesterday” - I was not - or even when I directly told her I’m having an impossible time and I don’t want to be around anymore “oh everyone is sad because of COVID”. I’ve been in a shitty state for over 2 weeks so far this time, I told my mum and my brothers and they are all like “oh that’s terrible” and mum bought me a gingerbread man and some M&MS and reminded my about how she bought me a cute tea towel last time I was sad that “you never mentioned again”. She’s distanced herself from me more than usual and it hurts when I cried for help so openly.
I can pretend to be OK but in these state now I am quick to irritation with my partner of 10+ years (who is supportive and loyal but not a good communicator to say the least) and I feel like a lit fuse. These mental health issues are ruining my life. My mask is hanging on by threads.
I’m guess I’ve got to thinking that Western society is inherently broken. The fractured family unit is not enough support and “choosing your own family” is hard when it’s difficult to make and keep friends who have no time or inclination to support each other because it’s all so segmented into everyone’s own little houses and problems that romantic love supposedly solves (spoiler: it doesn’t). There’s so many people out there depressed and struggling and it sucks. I’m so lost, overcome, devastated, and frustrated I just want to disappear and be nothing because being me is torture. | depression |
Do any of u feel like u've been so sad, for so long, that u can't even tell anymore? A almost dream like/stoned miserable state of mind. Like, i know what makes me sad, but it hurts to put it into words and, when i start doing it, it feels like it's not quite right... and that u just don't believe u could ever be happy, or, at least, less miserable. I feel like i' ll never be enough, not even to be human. I just wish i could sleep my life away. Or, at the very least, cry my heart out of my chest. But i just lay here, drowning within myself. | depression |
my ocd manifests very strongly in my ED... i’ve been in recovery for about 6/7 months. most days it’s smooth sailing and i’m actually on zoloft to treat my ocd. but every now and then i have a bad “ed brain” day as i call them where my ocd kind of wins. it mulls over everything i eat that day and it’s like being in the trawls of my ed again. all i can think about today is what i’ve eaten and how that’s going to affect my weight and body and how ugly i think i am and it’s very hard. just wanting to vent on a bad ed brain day... hanging hope on tomorrow to be better | OCD |
I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible.
I’ve been diagnosed now as an adult, and I’m happy to finally know what has been wrong with me. Why I have always struggled with anxiety, depression, feelings of inadequacy, and life in general.
I’m also mad that I didn’t know about this before. I’m mad that more people don’t know that this affects more than just your attention and is more than just a kid running around a classroom. I can’t stand that I didn’t know about this earlier in my life and can’t help but wonder what my life could have been like if I would have known.
All of the things that I used to think were just my personality are seemingly just effects of ADHD. Now after all of this I’m left feeling very peculiar, not sure who I really am, and almost lost. | ADHD |
Tl;dr: The average age of my money is 31 days as of this morning according to YNAB! I'm super pumped! Thank you r/ADHD for your help!
​
I've always had trouble with budgeting. My long term plans are great because the amount of time I've spent obsessing over my future is... significant. To give you an idea: I checked the bureau of labor statistics before going to college and chose my major based on that and then ballparked my starting salary adjusted for inflation. I ended up being 5k over my target 5 years later. It's just who I am. The short term, on the other hand, is a problem for me. Getting my spending and my debt under control has been a struggle. I finally got diagnosed this year and let me tell you my life has improved DRASTICALLY.
For sure, part of it is the meds. They've been a god send. The other god send, though, has been finding a community of people who I can relate to. You all have been a lifeline for me. You've helped me maintain my sanity and my self confidence with your stories and straight up fixed my life with your advice. It's crazy what a difference it made to know it wasn't just me and I wasn't just defective. Y'all have helped me with everything from my job to my relationship.
Today's major success is my budget. I've always used Excel, an obscene amount of research, and my intuition to make budgets for the long term. It's worked okay, but I've never been able to really stick to it. In order to maintain my long term goals, I've put a lot on credit, gotten a mortgage I can't really afford (which sorted itself out, thank GOD), and even taken out loans for impulse buys. Through this subreddit, I discovered YNAB a few months ago. It's changed the way I budget. I'd tried similar methods, including apps like Mint and the OG envelope method, but they ever worked for one reason or another. Now, between the meds and a system that appeals to me, I've got this budgeting thing down!
I've not added a single dollar to my debt since I started and I've even whittled it down by a couple thousand dollars! I actually just had a refund process this morning that finally eliminated the debt on one of my credit cards! It looks like I'll be debt free by New Year's (minus my mortgage, of course) And now to the reason I actually made this post: I'm a month ahead! According to YNAB, the average age of my money is 31 days as of today! It's crazy that I've come this far on my budgeting! I was starting to get worried I'd never get my spending under control and ruin all my plans I've had since forever, but it looks like I'll be fine. Existential crisis averted lol. Add it to the list of reasons I'm thankful for finally getting diagnosed and for finding you guys. | ADHD |
I just realized, that my anxiety is part of the reason I extensively hyperfocus on new hobbies.
I feel like I need to know everything about a new hobby, before I tell anyone about it, else I just feel like an impostor, who‘s not really into that hobby at all. This is increased even more by me constantly changing hobbies.
I listen to classical music regularly for over 3 years now (sometimes more than others) and I‘m dying to talk about it with others, however I just threw together a playlist with songs I liked and have no clue about the artists or how to place them or their style and so I feel like I have no right to claim I like classical music. Which is kinda stupid, since I do like it.
Anyway, I was feeling like this about other hobbies as well, e.g. woodworking/carving or medieval larp, but I did the deep dives there, which resulted in hours, days and weeks of me loosing myself in these topics, cause there is just *so much* material to be found.
I think this also fuels my oversharing of these obsessions to ppl who aren‘t really that interested but it‘s just in my focus now and I‘ve read *so much* about it, preparing to prove anyone wrong who‘d accuse me an impostor. Which, of course, never happened, but now I gotta unload this imaginary argument on someone. :‘D
I found it interesting to see these dots connecting. My anxiety/impostor syndrom fueling my hyperfocus, adding to my talkativeness. ADHD being a well oiled machine, increasing it symptoms just by itself.
Anyway, no new revelations here, just some random thoughts I felt like sharing. :) | ADHD |
Finally thanks to the winter season I only have to work 8 hour days and have more time to myself and my family. Even with this time I can not for the life of me make the best of it and enjoy anything or be productive with my time.
I can't get myself to take 30 minutes of my day to exercise, can't immerse myself in any games I feel interested in, can't meal prep or even just prepare a lunch for work to be healthier, and can't help but drink in the evening while I watch the clock until I absolutely need to go to bed for work just to repeat everything.
Nothing is ever fun on my own and I always just regret wasting my free times on the things I want to do. I don't even have the desire or energy to help my 6 year old son with his homework and always just get annoyed by him trying to talk to me.
What's wrong with me and how do I get this to stop and enjoy things again? | depression |
Hi there,
2+ years ago, I was in a relationship that became traumatic. It's been hard to admit that it was traumatizing for me - but I had a breakthrough with my new therapist and am ready to admit I have PTSD. It's been a tough pill to swallow - especially as someone who "has their stuff together" from the outside. But it makes a lot of sense.
Long story short, my last long-term partner had a psychotic break and led me down a series of traumatic moments. I have a lot of guilt about not being the one going through psychosis, but rather was traumatized by being forced to be the rock. He wouldn't communicate with his family and they put an insane amount of pressure on me to "fix things." They even offered to buy me an apartment if I was willing to stay... which I didn't. I was also 25 and ill-equipped to handle any of it.
For example, I watched him run away from ambulances, be chased by police, steal money from his parents, lose his apartment, lose himself, borrow unauthorized cars from his family, etc. He wouldn't get help and ultimately I worked up the confidence to break it off. He has since disappeared and I've had to remove myself from the life of his friends and family for my mental health. I do not want to be in contact with him ever again.
Covid allowed me to get some distance from it and focus on healing. I fell in love again (it ended because of circumstances, but was truly amazing to feel those feelings). I am also lucky to have an incredible career and a life I am proud of. I am going back to where this all played out and to be honest, I'm nervous that place is going to bring up a lot of bad memories.
I'd really like to date again — but every time I get close to someone, I have horrible intrusive thoughts. Coupled with moving to a triggering place, I'm apprehensive. Does anyone here have advice for "reclaiming the power" in places after trauma? And also, learning to trust others not to leave again? I'm 27 and I just want to have fun and I'm so afraid these experiences will keep me from being able to live my life. I do work on this weekly in therapy, but don't have anyone in my life who has been through something similar and has had something work for them. Thanks in advance. | ptsd |
Does anyone else here have PTSD from the public education system? | ptsd |
Hi there,
I'm 16 years old and for the past 2 years or so I've been struggling with OCD, specifically POCD. I once ruminated, had compulsions and anxiety towards 10 hours a day - it was a living hell. Now, I perhaps get one hour of intrusive thoughts a day, and rarely get anxiety, but more the less; nervousness, I'm worried and scared. I don't like my thoughts, I think they're disgusting, and I would never, ever attack a kid. Of course, OCD has tried to trick me into believing otherwise, but in the end, I don't want to.
I do feel a lot of times that whenever a thought enters my brain, it feels as I like it, but then I say to myself: "Do I actually like it?" I then rethink my thought, and it almost 99% of the times end up me finding out I didn't like my thoughts. Of course, my thoughts have also entered a lot of times where I immediately felt disgust.
I've also stumbled upon some very odd looking people on P\*rnHub, who looks a bit younger than they should: drawings, etc. And I find that extremely disgusting, and I, then, immediately logs off. So, yeah, in the end, I don't like my thoughts, and I don't like these things on P\*rnHub, or just any other xxx website that shows these kinds of things. So, why do I then worry so much if I don't like my thoughts, and I don't like the things I've seen on P\*rnHub? Well, OCD ain't so kindly that it'll let me go so easy.
Today, I slept for a good 5 minute nap, and in my dream, I dreamt I held a little boy. Perhaps at the age of 4 - 6. I thought to myself, when I was about to hold him; "Do not feel arousal and do not get a boner." (Not getting a boner has been an obssesion for me for some months.) So, I then held the little boy, and while I did it, it feel as I was aroused, but at the same time not. Like, it felt kind of I was aroused, and I liked it, but at the same time I was very scared and worried (I didn't feel anxiety), that I'll feel arousal, or that I'll get a boner (Not so much for the boner part, but more the arousal part). It wasn't a strong sexual feeling. I don't even know if I can call it arousal, because whenever I do feel real arousal, I'm in the moment, I like it, but this didn't feel as a normal typical arousal feeling. It felt odd and strange. It still felt as I kinda liked it, but it was definitely not strong in any way. In my dream, I didn't had any temptations to tocuh the kid inappropriate, I just wanted to get the hell away from him. Then, I woke up, and I had a boner. So, now it has been bothered me this whole day. Thinking "What if I'm a pedophile." "What if it wasn't OCD all along." I haven't felt any sort of anxiety to it, because I've gotten a lot better handling these kind of things. It helps doing ERP, since I then don't feel as worried as I once was, and it helps me see that I don't like my thoughts.
Is this normal? Am I just a disgusting pedophile? I don't wanna live a life like a pedophile. I like kids, and I want to have some myself one day.
Thanks for your time! | OCD |
Hello everyone :) I can’t find the answer to my question online so I figured I’d ask here. I’m currently on 18mg concerta (for about a month) and it hasn’t really done anything for me. My psychiatrist gave me strattera (80mg) to try with my current dosage and it made me feel absolutely ill so I stopped taking it. Anyways, today I saw him again and he finally agreed to increase my concerta dosage and stop the strattera, however he’s prescribed me two 18mg extended release tablets now.
My question is, is 2 extended release 18mg tablets (one in the morning, one in the afternoon) the same as a 36mg dosage? Is that how an increased dosage works? I guess I expected to be taking one 36mg tablet in the morning since the single 18mg didn’t do anything (except for maybe the first day). Please let me know how this dosage thing works. Thank you! | ADHD |
i prefer clearly defined boundaries and rules.
im in some kind of relationship with an NT person and she doesnt seem to want to have a discussion about what we are to each other.
i know theres a thing among NTs to not want to label their relationships (which just seems irrational illogical and rude, really, to me) and i asked her if thats what this is and she wouldnt answer.
in fact every time i ask a question on the nature of us she refuses to answer.
so im forced to ask reddit so i can at least have options for a frame of reference to try and understand whats going on.
what is going on here?
is it standard for this sort of thing to happen?
is it just her?
what is an appropriate response to her not wanting to discuss it with me?
im getting very tired of it and when im by myself the peace and quiet is beginning to feel more rewarding than being with her.
advice and analysis is appreciated. | aspergers |
So I'm the world's biggest over thinker and intrusive thoughts are my norm. If you've seen my other subs you'd know that I'm the biggest prude as well and I just discovered masturbation (it wasn't for me). I've kind of developed a kind of image of myself, that I'm dirty minded and that I'm perverted. I feel disgusted by myself and even tho I know that my thoughts and my character in general is pure, these thoughts just don't go away. For the past two days it's become worse! My self.image as a pervert stuck to.me and I also recently fell into a depression because of my childhood sexual abuse (my memories were repressed and they came out only recently and made me mad depressed but I'm over it now). So I'm feeling unnecessary suspicion on everyone around me like I even pushed my younger brother away when he came to cuddle me. Due to the self image that I'm dirty and perverted, I end up thinking of dirty thinks by trying too hard not to be dirty. It like you try not to do or think of something but that's exactly what ur brain decides to image you know.
Yesterday I saw a shirtless picture of my lover's best friend and he's like a brother to me. And out of nowhere my brain kind of thought of me and him in a sexual stance tho our faces weren't clear and I had no motive. I wasn't doing anything to him and vice versa but it was just a series of sexual actions played out in my head and it was because I was trying to be "pure" and not overthink because I'm seeing a guy shirtless. Like it had never happened before. I feel so upset with myself. I low-key wanna end myself no kidding. Is it just me.overthinking and forcing myself to have dirty thoughts or what even is itttt????
About me - prudish, last person in a group of friends to understand a dirty joke, love children and I behave.like one too (according to friends and family)....I've always considered myself pure and kind but after trying our sexual things with myself...the shame has convinced me that I'm dirty and perverted and after that all these happened.... | OCD |
I’m just wondering if there will ever be an end to this hell that has taken over my life? I don’t even feel like a person anymore and sometimes I wish I could be brain dead.
Does therapy actually work? Do the emotional and physical symptoms ever lighten? Is it possible to return to a “normal” life?
Hoping to hear some success stories that life will eventually get better… | ptsd |
I just need to let someone know that I can’t do this anymore, everyday life is getting harder and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it. My life is falling about by the hour and I keep spiralling even when I think I’ve hit rock bottom, it just continues to go down, I just can’t do this anymore, I’m on the verge on breaking down everyday but if I did that then no one I my family would help and I can’t do in front of friends because then that puts the pressure on them to help me and I don’t know if I’m able to do that, My life is just worthless, I don’t have a job, I don’t have enough money for the course next year so I don’t have a plan there and I do barely anything around the house, there is literally no meaning to my existence, I don’t have an interesting personality, I’m driving everyone away by being anti-social and constantly in a bad mood, everyone in my family thinks I hate them and I think that’s starting to affect friends too and above all else I stay home and play games all day long, I haven’t done anything else in the past four years other then school and I feel empty like nothing matters and I have lost my care for anything in this world, my parents could die today and I don’t think I would cry about it at all and I know I that’s edgy as hell but it’s true I just don’t care I can’t anymore it’s just not something I am physically capable of, my aggression is just as bad as my apathy, every day I’m just pissed or on a short fuse, small words can set me off. My memory is also getting worse by the day and I feel like everyday is just a blur, I can’t remember anything from the past years wether happy, sad or otherwise it just isn’t there. The worst part is I have nothing to be sad about, it’s all of my own doing, I could apply for more jobs (more then I already am), I have a fair few friends and a somewhat caring family, I have no right to be the way I am yet I always feel like this.
Sorry about the long message and shitty grammar but I just needed to get this off my chest. | depression |
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