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I lived in an RV with my mother and siblings most of my life. I was heavily abused for things like talking too loud, walking loudly, waking up my mom, eating too much, or watching power rangers (it would turn me satanic), sexually abused by an older step sibling. I remember mom beating me sometimes so badly I'd have to miss school for a couple of days so that DHS wouldn't be called for my black eyes or bruises. At 12 after I told my step dad that I had wanted to die. He told my mother, who put me in a mental hospital, and they left for another state. I went into foster care afterwards and I've been trying to adjust since, I'm 18 now. My mother tries calling and acting like things are normal sometimes but I block the numbers. I still have nightmares every night, Ive tried working out, dating, and church but none of it helps (still trying them) . I spent time learning how to survive my druggie mother and foster care, and now I'm learning that none of those skillls means anything. Keeping knives hidden, keeping windows unlocked for quick escape, checking your peripheral for people watching you. It took me three years just to be able to sleep on a bed. Im physically and financially normal now but I feel like ive spent so much time adjusting to this society that I don't belong. I feel like an animal among people. Everyone my age is worried about social media and porn, I just wanna find a reason to live and make memories. I just wannna know what to do, or what I can even do? | ptsd |
For me, I am able to finally have a free flowing conversation, while being able to find the words to express myself that would typically be lost in my brain during a convo w/o. I literally can debate my friends well, or to describe something in detail, both of which I’m typically bad at w/o drink.
This obviously sounds like an anxiety/ social anxiety thing, which I do have but this is a issue I face even without feeling any anxiety.
I’ve even been on Zoloft in the past and that did nothing for this issue, in fact, it definitely made my brain fog even worse when I was on it.
I’ve always just attributed it to having anxiety time and time again, but like I’ve said I’m now noticing that it occurs in non anxious environments. Which is why I wanted to look elsewhere and see if this might be a common thing for adhd side. And not including being more sociable due to being less anxious. | ADHD |
I taught that I don't think about myself like this anymore, but nothing changes just the voices in my head just stopped talking about it... | depression |
I tried to harm a fly near me earlier and kill it and my OCD is not letting me forget about it! Also in y9 I slapped someone and I felt guilty about that too, im quite tired of my OCD themed around rape | OCD |
i’m soo scared of infecting others with covid, especially my partner. i’m supposed to go out this week and my mother has coughed today which makes me so anxious. i’m constantly anxious and short tempered and i constantly feel the need to confess to the people i’m meeting. | OCD |
I just can't get rid of these worries...
"Ok, I'm riding the bus. What if the busrider gets a heart attack?"
"Wait, no. He looks old, but he's probably not that old."
"Wait, no! What if he was bribed by bad people to put a bomb in the bus and kill us all? No one would know it was him."
"Wait, no. He would die from that."
"Wait, no! What if he plans to leave the bus suddenly and THEN detonate the bomb? I must stay on my toes at all times."
"Okay, now to walk 17 steps to my chosen seat - it will be nearby the exit just in case he has a bomb hidden in here."
"That wasn't 17, but it wasn't 13 so it's fine. I gotta stay away from the bad luck numbers."
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"Now I'm at school. What if, after class, a bomb detonates in the school to kill us all?"
"Wait, no. Why would someone do that? Plus, we're in the middle of nowhere."
"Wait, no! What if a teacher was bribed to do it? They'd leave the school and then detonate it..."
"Okay, now that I know that that might happen, I'll go outside during my break period and hide behind this stone bench. There are no holes in it, so I can protect myself from debris..."
"Wait, no! A bomb is the least of my worries. Apparently, strange matter can exist in clumps known as strangelets. If a strangelet hits earth, we'll all turn into strange matter. If a strangelet hits the sun, we'll freeze to death. If it hits Jupiter, which I'm pretty sure protects us from meteors and asteroids, then we'll get hit by a meteorite and die!"
"Ugh, knowing all this, paying attention in class is the least of my worries!"
"Wait, no. If I don't do well in class, I won't be able to go to college, and I won't be able to pay rent, and I'll become homeless, and someone will murder me secretly at night, maybe the mafia."
"Speaking of murder, a terrorist attack could happen at any moment. We could get bombed by a terrorist, or get murdered..."
"Is someone aiming a gun at me now? I have to check..."
"No? Okay, good. We're safe for now."
The worries just continue from there. | OCD |
So a little background- I was diagnosed with severe OCD a few years ago, though my family have noticed the symptoms since a very young age (4-5), and I tend to hang around circles where "fact" is important, such as political things, philosophy, religion etc., yet I seem to lack a lot of the things that you need, so let me explain:
I question EVERYTHING, and I don't just mean the healthy amount, I mean I genuinely find it almost impossible to believe that anything I didn't see ever happened, I often find myself believing that all of human history was a lie and fabrication, and that this world was made specifically for me and it simply started as soon as I was born, whenever I see something about the news like Afghanistan and things similar, I find it hard to believe. I don't even believe in object permanence, I believe anything I am not looking at simply ceases to exist. Like the other day I was watching a documentary on WW2 and the holocaust, and my brain kept pointing out very specific details and I came out believing it never happened, same goes for literally any other historical event, my mind leads me to believe that all of history was a lie, whenever someone tells me something, I have an extremely hard time believing it ever happened unless I saw it and analysed it. I struggle to believe that other countries exist, or that space is a real thing, or that animals that don't live where I live even exist. It has become quite an issue in my family, and it is also quite worrying. I also have an obsession with everything being an illusion of some sort, I don't even believe the government exists, and that they are somehow puppets of some deity of some sort.
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I was curious if anyone else has experienced such beliefs, completely doubting everything that you are told, because I have struggled with this for years, and I was wondering how common it is | OCD |
I know I have ocd like ocd around being a monster like POCD and harm ocd and such. But today I was doing this anime drawing of like a family and it included two babies so I was drawing this baby in like a chibi style and I accidentally put a line under their eye which Made it look like they had eye bags and I was like “oh Woops babies are too young to have eye bags!” But then I think I got curious? Like Ive never seen a skinny baby before or like a baby that doesn’t look all chubby and stuff so I just quickly added a few lines like what it would look like idk why it was just a random moment of curiosity? I cant remember exactly. But then I was like omg I just added lines to make it look like the baby is underweight, why would I do that? And I felt sick imagining an underweight baby, babies are supposed to be chubby and healthy! Just imaging A baby looking so sick makes my heart hurt and I would never like that! But I don’t know why I would even sketch that. I feel so scared like I’m a horrible person. I don’t know why I drew that and now I’m scared. | OCD |
I have a lot of intrusive thoughts, and it’s mostly about stuff that never happened, but recently I’ve been getting them that I touched a girl when I was in middle school. I’m 95% certain it’s bullshit and I have nothing to worry about, but there’s the 5% I can’t let go kid. I never like assaulted anyone, but these thoughts I’m fairly certain aren’t true about touching girls I found attractive when I was younger (I’m autistic btw) never seem to stop | OCD |
Does anyone have any tips to stop hyper-fixating on physical symptoms? I am freaking out because every symptom I have I equate it to pregnancy even though I’ve had 18 negative urine tests and 1 negative blood test. I’m ready to get over this obsession and the only thing holding me back is that I pay wayyyy too much attention to my bodily functions. | OCD |
I can't remember if I apologized for something I did - I think I did, but I can't be 100% sure.
Because I couldn't remember, I sent the person an apology a few days ago, but the next day, I felt like sending another one bc I didn't include any details?? It feels like I should apologize in detail??? I'm struggling so hard rn.
Edit: it's a serious thing, so I'm torn between apologizing vs. not apologizing in case in opens up old wounds.
Also, it's possible that I'm just a coward and it has nothing to do with OCD this time.
Please help... | OCD |
I'm 22 years old, I have no other hobbies. I've tried dozens of hobbies. I have nothing anymore. I've been on the verge of tears all day and my friends circle is growing smaller little by little.
I hate myself because of how little I seem to fit in with the rest of the world. I feel alone in my interests, of which I have almost none. I'm just annoyed and frustrated by people who like things I don't like.
I wish I were dead. I want to give up. I can't help myself. I hate it here, this life. I don't want it. | depression |
There were countless times when I said "I'll do that later", knowing full well that I wouldn't because that task simply does not look like a very important and urgent one (even though most of the time it's pretty important).
Yes, I could do this task and I will have my enire day off afterwards, but why not doing it later? Yes, I have a reasonable to-do list prepared in the morning, but why should I start completing those goals now when I could wait until evening? Of course, I will say in the evening "oh, I'm only efficient and productive in the morning, so I'll do it tomorrow". The cycle repeats.
Absolutely nothing is worth doing now for my ADHD brain, be it school assingments, work, hobbies, reading a book, learning a new skill - NOTHING. It's always *I'll love to work on this new skill, but maybe later, let's watch some fun youtube videos now*.
How to escape this cycle? What are your tips? | ADHD |
After years of thinking that I had some form of bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, or general depression, I have finally realized I have OCD and got diagnosed. Over the years I have spent countless hours Googling various mental illnesses, though I never really looked at OCD because of the way it is commonly depicted. Now that I actually know what it is and what it can be - everything makes sense in retrospect. In a weird way, it feels like I've found out I'm adopted. I am still the same person that I always was, but now I know more about who I am and why I am the way I am.
I still remember distinctly my 1st thought about suicide when I was 13 and how terrifying it was... and I lived in the shadow of that terror for so long. I did not think I would make it to 16, 19, 21, or 33 where I am about to be. I used to cry myself asleep in my high school years, earnestly praying for madness or death to take away the pain inside my head. The fear that hell could be worse than this really fucked me up for a long time until I stopped believing. At it's worst, I would scratch and bite myself out of desperation.
I think there are a few reasons it took so long for me to get help. When it wasn't there, I forgot about it. When it was there, the anxiety of reaching out felt unsurmountable. The way I've pictured it (even before I knew what 'it' was) is like my life being a book, and these 'episodes' (which I think are referred to as 'spikes') are like a dagger through the book. It's like returning to the same terrible night over and over, and living in fear of returning to that same terrible night. It has definitely affected me in other ways, but I can't think about the worst of it without shaking and tearing up.
It is really hard not to beat myself up for not getting help sooner, but I've lived a mostly good life, and I am incredibly thankful despite what I've been through. If I didn't have my friends and family, I don't think I would be making this post - I hope I can show them the gratitude they deserve. My birthday is coming up, and I think I might use that day off of work to pickup and start my prescription. I was really hesitant about taking medication, but at this point, I know it is more of the same if I don't at least try.
Thanks for reading this. I think I am writing this more for myself than you - but I appreciate you. If you are curious, although I am still figuring it out, I probably fall under Pure-O, or my compulsions might be researching and rumination. I have had some bizarre obsessions that were entangled with literary imagery, and I have created a sort of internal mythos out of it. I'm curious if that makes sense to anyone. I will try not to read through every single post on this subreddit, and I will try and leave encouraging comments if/when I do! | OCD |
Okay if this is against the rules, I'm sorry but I checked and couldn't see if there was anything against.
Sorry also if this is worded weirdly. Got distracted a few times throughout writing this.
I'm looking for advice from anyone else who may be in this situation also. I was diagnosed almost a year ago and since then tried Strattera which works well for me but the side effects are making me nauseated and not wanting to eat at all. My doctor mentioned I'd probably do better on a stimulant and suggested a trial of Adderall XR. I was against the idea of a stimulant but agreed to the trial.
Since then I've done 10mgs of extended release per day. I've only gone a week but my heart rate has been very high. I've kept my smart watch on and I'm seeing beats per minute of 80-130 even when no strenuous activity, the most being walking up the stairs. Otherwise I don't feel energetic to match the high rate. I've noticed it dropping to lower averages through out the week and I'm curious if after a while it starts to stablize out? I told my doctor and they mentioned it wasn't a problem and just to keep an eye or take breaks when needed.
Is this something that I'll see stablize with time and excersise? I do feel it helping in terms of helping me stay on top of work and get tasks done with out losing motivation or getting distracted but I'm feeling like a car in park with the pedal to the metal. | ADHD |
Everyone on the internet just says things that are triggery and then get mad when I try to leave. Like. I keep being asked to join poly relationships and then berated when I say that I don’t want to. Or my exes keep showing up in my feed when I just want to fucking forget about them. Every memory plays in my head all at once and I can’t fucking cope. I don’t have any friends and all I have is time to remember. | ptsd |
So I haven’t really felt any strong emotion since I was like 12-13 I’m 23 now and I still feel the same like I can’t have long relationships with anyone friends, girlfriends, relatives, and roommates ect. I just lose interest because I just don’t feel anything after a while. What should I do cause I feel this isn’t normal. When I was a kid I loved everyone but now I feel love isn’t even real. I just wanna feel something again and I’ve tried everything I can think of medication, therapy, meditation, new job, new area and none of it seems to help I’ll even have a pet that I really like at first but when I realize that I inevitably don’t want it I just give it to someone who can just take better care of it. | depression |
so I started taking Vyvanse (low dose 20mg) about a week ago, since day one I haven't felt any difference besides nausea, sweating, and making my hands and feet cold. I was on ritalin before but it wasn't too good since I metabolized it too fast and the crashes were too harsh. My psych upped to 40mg Vyvanse I still don't get any benefit from it, I don't feel any changes mentally and my brain fog has increased, I can't start or finish tasks and I'm getting super easily distracted, I feel even more stuck than without the med. With 40mg I noticed I've got no appetite and I don't eat until like 7 hours after taking the med. Im wondering if its the dose or if its not being metabolized or if my depression is just so bad that the symptoms of lack of motivation are affecting my ADHD to the point meds don't work. My question is, is there anything one can do to help metabolize Vyvanse better? I am not sure what is going on but I wanna keep trying the med for a while to see if it works. | ADHD |
I’m thinking very strongly of taking Zoloft. I know this is because my boyfriend takes Zoloft and he does very well with it. He has slight checking OCD. I have severe contamination OCD. I have always been hard core against medication. I really feel a change of heart and think I should take medication. I am making an appointment to meet with an OCD psychiatrist. My plan is to work with them to make a year long plan of starting and weaning off medication. I assume through my rear that I’ll be out on Zoloft.
Does anyone have *good* stories of finding a lot of progress with Zoloft? Or even other medications? I could really use some tools in the form others’ experiences right now. Especially short term medication, eventually taking their healing outside of medication.
Love to you all ♥️ | OCD |
I’m 34. I’ve dealt with OCD since I was 19. Zoloft took the edge off for years until I lost a close friend to suicide about 5 years ago and from there I lost everything I enjoyed doing my entire life to OCD. I tried other medications, they ended up making life much worse for me. I’ve been free from medication aside from anxiety meds for 2 years now. That’s another long story.
All of what I’m dealing with involves
If you do this, someone will die
If you do this, something will happen
If you see this, something will happen
If you wear this, something will happen
If you buy this food, it might be poison
I can’t even wear good clothes anymore. What I’m wearing has holes. The OCD keeps validating itself, something always (never fails) to happen. I feel utterly hopeless.
I have a telemedicine appointment with a counselor on the telephone, but he has not gotten back to me. He said I would be doing CBT therapy. I have not had any luck with counselors in the past.
Any ideas or suggestions in the intrim? | OCD |
Hello! There! My name is Jason a little over a week ago I got these ugly disgusting thoughts of self harm that just appeared out of nowhere and are still here everytime I look at a knife or scissors I get these awful images of using them on myself but I really have no intention of doing these things because I'm afraid of death anyways I have GAD and panic disorder and just saw my therapist last week and she diagnosed me with pure O has anyone ever experienced these? I'm having constant fear that what if I do end up doing this, what if I plan this, and what if I do this out of nowhere. I just had my Paxil upped to 30mg because I was on 20mg for the longest time anyone have advice? | OCD |
Today I blew up on someone who was only doing their job trying to tell me to wear a mask. So I went off on the poor girl saying but why I'm vaccinated I don't need one. At the time I felt all the anger come from no place at all and I exploded. But I'm still learning about my ptsd and what happens if I get triggered. Well I was def triggered about this 😂 I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or has anyone else ever felt this intense anger from what trauma they have had happened to them and an innocent bystandard gets caught in their explosion like mine today? | ptsd |
Anyone else have to deal with constant obsessive cleaning of bodily fluids, like for me I cannot be comfortable unless I have spent like half an hour cleaning certain areas with soap and not being able to think about anything until I do, anyone found any coping mechanisms for this? | OCD |
* Don’t read if you easily catch on to new themes*
Does anyone fear Turning into something or someone? I’m not sure where this stemmed from but my therapist has never found anything about it online. | OCD |
I already deal with 'sensory overload', or rather undiagnosed misophonia, from before taking medication. Consistently, in my first hours after taking Adderall (doesn't matter if it's a full 10 mg dose, or 2.5mg), my sensitivity to sound becomes irritating to the point where it HURTS to hear even quiet, mild conversation. I work as a front end supervisor in a busy as fuck retail store, I can't even begin to describe what this is doing to me. I want to claw my ear drums out and scream. Think when a sound catches your ears attention so strongly that you can literally feel it perk up, feel your eardrum pop a bit, and get that sort of muffled underwater sound. I've only been on Adderall a few weeks, and this is really making me think it is NOT the med for me. I was on Ritalin before and don't recall having this issue. Do most stims do this? It makes me afraid to try anything else, I absolutely can not afford to be feeling this way and shutting down during normal, quiet life, and sure as hell not at work. | ADHD |
I feel so bad, all of my problems have grown into a mountain that I can no longer fight. My depression is engulfing me, I thought about killing myself tonight. | depression |
Hello. I am M(19). And I started taking Adderall XR at 25MG since August 29th and I have been having my good and bad days with it. So you see, I had huge issues with my ADHD as I always was stuck in the past and always ruminating and perseverating over my past mistakes and I would always be so stuck in the past and in my head and not "present". So, for the first 2 weeks, I felt great! My thoughts were still there but they were much more quiet then they usually were. Then it stopped being like that, so I took 2 days off and went back on it, and 3 days onto it I feel great before getting off it again and repeating the same process again.
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Why is this happening? Is it tolerance?
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Please help! | ADHD |
Lol my therapist said he never heard of groinal response.
He is a clinical psychiatrist in Germany
Isnt it mandatory to learn your shit before a meeting!! | OCD |
I seem to find happiness and contentment with one person but unfortunately it’s not reciprocated. I still struggle with my anger issues, and I know that really turns them down, but I can’t seem to let go of him. This been going on for 5 years.
I’m not even in a relationship with this person, so that also makes me feel worthless, because I’m feeling dragged but he’s too kind for me to let go. | depression |
Often I find myself getting completely sucked into my memories, mostly pre trauma ones, and they completely sweep me off my feet for at least a week. For a week all I can do is REMEMBER. I can hardly focus on anything because I'm remembering that time my dad took me to a game when I was 8, or the time I fought with a friend in 6th grade, or literally anything at all that happened to me. Like how in movies a character's dying and their whole life flashes before their eyes, but I'm not dying.
I don't mean this as normal reminiscing. I mean I am so sucked into them that I find it hard to socialize and I feel super distant from my friends and reality. It's like part of me gets stuck in those memories for days on end. It's really hard to function normally when this is happening.
I never experienced this pre-trauma, and it's such a weird feeling because it's so bittersweet. Even the good memories hurt a bit because I feel so far removed from them.
Anyone else? | ptsd |
I just got back from the doctor with a prescription for adderol while I was there for a severe sinus infection. I was advised to wait until I'm off work to start taking it. But other that no other information on what to look out for or how I could react.
While I'm grateful and quite relieved for being taken seriously and believed for my issues, I am a little apprehensive taking it.
Any tips from fellow AdHDers on what to pay attention to on my new journey of being medicated?
Any tips?
Thanks in advance! | ADHD |
I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about impulsive actions/thoughts I have the next time I see her. I do have intrusive thoughts, I pick at my skin to the point of injuring myself subconsciously, I have issues throwing useless things away. One thing I do though I’ve never tried to put to words, I’m wondering if anybody does the same.
The best way I can explain it is, if I am listening to a song and I am walking outside, I will feel like I have to walk to a certain crack on the sidewalk before a specific lyric in the song comes on and before a red car about to pass me passes me.
This is one that’s more severe I guess? But I do it constantly. I am getting into my car and have to be in my car before a certain biker passes me. I have to have my car turned on before the clock strikes the next minute. If I don’t achieve whatever I’m going for I get so anxious. Like nauseous and think about it for a while. I begin repeating that I hate myself at times if I don’t do it correctly.
Does anybody relate to this? | OCD |
i have to share this its so dumb...so my brain doesnt allow me to cover myself in bed with sheets over my feet because if i do my brother will choke and die just like my feet will because they have lungs...wow | OCD |
For the longest time I suffered from Harm OCD (for like, a year), and when I finally start getting ‘over’ it (meaning I can cope with it successfully), I started getting anxiety over my relationship my girlfriend. We’re in a LDR, and we are very open about our mental health and she is more than willingly to put up with my constant anxiety attacks and questioning our relationship, whether we should break up or not, etc etc. it’s not really debilitating like Harm OCD, but this just makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and constantly questioning everything, from my feelings to my sanity. | OCD |
Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a good day. I was hoping to ask for some help for a project that I am doing.
Background Information:
I have a project for my technical high school, I am currently in a medical shop and have a project based on how occupational therapy helps patients with PTSD. This project is used to help me find information on how I can help my community deal with PTSD in a healthy matter.
If you are willing to talk about your experiences, I would love to hear and ask questions that could help me gather more information. I will use this information wisely and will only use the information that you allow me to.
Thank you ☺️ | ptsd |
It’s really hard cause it feels unintentional sometimes and I know i mainly cancel out a thought with a different one and it’s rough to stop doing that any tips on this? | OCD |
I tried strattera by itself probably 15 years ago and it did nothing, I’m now on “the highest” dose of adderall and it’s not helping so my doc added 40mg strattera, is there a ideal time of day to start taking it? Will I notice the benefits right away? Foods to avoid? Any advise appreciated, I’ve heard some scary stuff about side effects and am slightly nervous | ADHD |
I have recently taking antidepressants and feel like my intrusive thoughts have increased. Is this likely to be the pills or just stress?
I can’t see a knife without feeling like I am going to stab someone. | OCD |
I have inattentive ADHD and I’ve been taking adderall for a year before switching to Ritalin for the past year. Both meds work great for me and have helped me build such better habits, but the only thing is that stimulants have absolutely destroyed my eating habits and the joy of food, and I’ve become so tired of trying to time my meals around when I might actually enjoy them and I’m so out of touch with my hunger cues that I either feel nothing/full or completely nauseous/sick from hunger to the point where food doesn’t even sound good.
I’ve been going through some other mental stuff recently and in the name of self-care and healing, I decided to go off my meds for the first time since being prescribed them. It’s been going better than expected so far, especially with my eating, but my school work has suffered so bad. The medication helped SO much when I first went on it in terms of helping me get into the habit of cleaning, staying organized, doing laundry, dishes, etc, and those habits have been easy to maintain even after stopping the meds. But the focus and motivation for school work is still a major issue, and I genuinely just haven’t been turning in work and watching my grades continue to slip because of procrastination and fear and lack of a desire to start anything that involves mental effort without the help of meds.
I’m still going to try to get through the rest of the quarter without stimulants, because I really feel that the benefits of feeling more in touch with myself and my hunger are outweighing the cons right now, but is Ritalin or adderall something that people go on for most of their lives? I truly can’t imagine having a career and having the motivation to go into work and be productive without medication but I also can’t imagine being on this stuff for any longer than I absolutely need to. I seriously don’t think it will ever be possible for me to enjoy a healthy relationship with food (and my health in general) if I continue to be on stimulants but the alternative is feeling like I’m failing in life and that’s no fun either | ADHD |
Every teenager that I know either wants to waste their life partying and getting drunk or wants to talk about politics and social issues constantly. I don't want either of those things and I guess that's why I have no friends and haven't had any for 3 years. I just don't relate to anybody and no one relates to me. I'm not trying to make out like I'm some special snowflake because I'm not. I just don't understand it and I don't know what to do. Literally everyone my age I've talked to falls into either one or both of those categories, or we just have nothing in common. I don't want to talk about politics because it stresses me out and I want to do more productive things than drinking and partying and causing trouble and being the sterotypical teenager. Sorry for the rant. | depression |
I used to smoke (THC) weed which helped, but now I've moved onto just CBD as I'm moving to a state where THC is illegal. CBD doesn't help my sleep or nightmares at all so it's only daytime use for me. I have tried prozasin, and it didn't touch my nightmares even at a high dose. I'm feeling pretty exhausted these days. I'd love to hear what you've tried and has worked well for you. I'm tired of zombies, apocalypses, body snatching aliens, car crashes, fighting with past abusers, etc. I just want some rest! | ptsd |
So I’m definitely a blanket kind of dude—always have been. I constantly need to be under one and I’m super into really soft textures. I’ve always loved heavier blankets but never found one that’s actually deemed ‘weighted.’ Does it really make a difference? What weight should I start out with?
If you have one or even know of one that others use, post a link to it. I’m like most Americans and super dig the convenience of Amazon, so that’s a huge plus right there. If it happens to be disgustingly colorful, all the better. I’m brand new to this realm and will take any info that I can get. | aspergers |
To start off I know that a lot of people have had seizures much worse than mine but it's all still so new to me that by writing it out it's helping me to process. It still doesn't seem like something that "happens to me".
I was a groomsman in my best friend's wedding. I had never had a seizure or any symptoms of epilepsy. I was feeling fine that day, I had slept fine, we're a religious bunch so there was no drinking or drugs or anything like that at the bachelor party - no alcohol ever in fact. I was having a good time, visiting with friends, standing in a wedding, etc. It was at my church that I go to a few times a month. We were taking wedding pictures afterword when suddenly I got that "super hungry" feeling, when you are so hungry you are dizzy, but times a hundred. I had just eaten an hour ago. I lost my hearing, I could barely see. I thought to myself "maybe I should sit down and let this - whatever this is - pass". The last thing I remember is starting the movement to sit down on the grass since we were outside for pictures. I put my hand out, as one does when they're going to kneel/sit on the grass. It all happened in about fifteen seconds - not quite enough time for me to be very worried.
Immediately after I heard muffled voices. I couldn't see anything. A moment later I realized they were directed at me. "Can you hear me?" Why can't I answer? "Can you hear me?" Still dark. I tried to nod my head that yes I could hear. "Can you hear me?" I nodded. I don't remember sitting up, as far as I knew I was never laying down. No time had passed, yet everything was dark and muffled and my head hurt. "I'm just sitting down," I said.
"You've had a seizure, you were out for six minutes," it was the voice of the bride's uncle who happened to be an off-duty EMT. Both of the bride's parents were also there, one is a nurse the other an anesthesiologist. "Do you understand? You've just had a seizure."
"No I didn't." In my mind there was no six minute gap. I would have noticed, right?
"The ambulance is on its way, just sit down, don't try to stand up."
Okay. I'll just sit here. The reality of what had happened was slowly starting to set in. I had the strangest feeling in my chest, everything was starting to look so bright, much brighter than usual. My heart was going so fast yet I was so tired.
I looked down at my drawstring bag next to me and saw both used epi-pen cartriges (they are a new-ish brand called Auvi-Q in which the cap comes off) (in very rare cases anaphylaxis can cause a seizure but this is not what happened in my case, however they did the best with the information they had - my peanut allergy is bad enough that my doctor requires I carry two epipens wherever I go, thankfully I'm very careful and have never had to use them for allergies). It hadn't quite set in yet that they had actually used them on me.
Fifteen minutes later the ambulance arrived, and I remember the EMT helping me up asking me to come with him. At some point someone had taken off my jacket and tie. It was on the ground and I walked by it - I didn't know what it was but I knew it was mine and I should probably grab it. The EMT stopped me, I don't remember how. Everything is so scrambled.
I got myself into the ambulance as far as I know. I was not on a stretcher and never was. I sat in the seat just looking at the EMT, I could see his face but it wasn't quite registering for some reason. He asked for my insurance card so he knew which hospital to take me to (there were plenty within a quick distance), and I picked up my bag, took out my wallet, and handed my insurance card to him.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty... twenty... twenty one?" (I'm twenty two)
"What's today's date?"
"...when?"
"Today"
"...July." (It was September 28th)
"What is your date of birth?"
At this point I'm starting to get pretty frustrated. I know the answers to all of these questions without having to think, what is going on with me?
"I don't know."
"Do you know what happened?"
"I had a seizure."
I don't remember the rest of the ambulance ride. I don't remember the ER although I was told that I walked in myself. I don't remember the last thing I said to the EMT or being checked in or changing into the gown or anything. The first thing I remember for sure is looking up at the ceiling as I was on the bed getting a CT scan. They had painted the ceiling to look like a sky. When I saw this it was almost like I came back into my body. I was suddenly "all there" again. I have vague memories of what happened before but not really. The quickness of it all is hard to explain.
I walked back to my room in the ER and my family was there. I remembered that they were going to be there waiting for me even though I don't remember leaving the room with them all in it.
They had me go pee in a cup and after I was done I looked up and saw myself in the mirror. I was much paler than usual, I looked like a ghost (I'm American but the majority of my ancestry is Finnish so I'm already quite pale). There were a bunch of red dots under my severely bloodshot eyes. I was so sore I could barely walk back to the room.
From this point on everything is fairly clear. What bugs me however is how much before, during, and after is made up or fabricated by my mind. For example, there are about 20 minutes before that I have no memory of except for the aura (probably because of the intensity of it). In fact, during my post-ictal state my memory is "there" but extremely fuzzy, but I have *absolutely* no memory for a long time before. It was all wiped and has never come back. I saw pictures on facebook weeks later of the wedding party that I don't remember taking. Lots of them. And I looked fine in them, I don't look like I was just trying to have a good time or worried about anything or feeling off in any way. According to my friends who were there I was acting normal all the way up until the aura hit.
Also according to the people who were there (a nurse and an EMT who saw the whole thing) it was definitely an epileptic seizure, not a "psychogenic" seizure. Not even close.
What messes with me even more is learning that things I knew for sure never actually happened. For example, it was one of the other groomsmen that found my insurance card out of my bag. I never touched the bag on the ambulance or before. I remember so strongly doing it myself.
I saw so many doctors and neurologists. I got poked and prodded and had the MRIs and EEGs done, all came up clean. They don't believe me that it was epileptic, they think that because I have had a history of anxiety in the past that it was psychogenic, but it was not. I know this because of the medical professionals who saw it all.
I was not breathing for almost four minutes (we'll get back to that), I had gone from pale to blue to purple to grey. My eyes were wide open, I was not making noise, I was shaking rhythmically and symmetrically, I was not responding to anything people were saying, I have no memory of the event (I was actually in denial for hours), and I had a very strong post ictal state. This, along with the burst capillaries in my face and the sore muscles, all points away from psychogenic.
Since then I have had vision, hearing, and balance issues. I saw an ophthalmologist who is the only doctor so far who has taken me seriously. He suggests that the double vision I was having was hypoxic brain damage, as is the vertigo that comes with it. He said it would heal in time. For many weeks I felt as though I wasn't real (to this day I still am dissociated but not quite as much), and I still have visual and balance problems. My visual field shakes just like that horrible optical image stabilization that phone cameras have. It makes me nauseous. It's almost like that moving snake optical illusion even though it's a still image, but all the time.
I've had auras since then which typically send me into a panic because I don't want to wake up with even more brain damage. It's all I can think about. I'm legally allowed to drive again but I will not get behind the wheel of a car. The thought gets my heart racing.
I had a nightmare one night right as I was falling asleep or had just fallen asleep that I was lying in bed and had the loudest ringing in my ears that I've ever heard but I was frozen. It was so real, my bedroom and everything. Real enough that I think it might've been an actual nocturnal seizure and not just a dream.
I often have dreams that I'm standing in a large group of people and then start to get dizzy and feel faint (I think the fact that it happened in front of so many people is a big reason why it is so hard on me emotionally).
One time I was in the skyway on my way back to work from a skyway convenience store (I'm in Minneapolis so the skyways are nice this time of year), but I had an aura so strong that I was 100% certain I was going to black out. I never did but I came close. I sat down on the floor of the skyway, just a 22 year old kid in a suit, temporarily deaf and nearly blind, people giving me weird looks as they walked by. All I wanted was to get away from my desk for a minute and get a muffin but now I'm the idiot on the ground shaking, clutching this muffin like it's my last hope of life. Now I'm the weirdo with stories that people went home about. I now avoid the skyways and even the thought of walking in them makes me anxious. Whenever I am walking in them I get very dizzy, but not the same kind of dizzy as the auras. Just an anxious dizzy.
Doctors won't give me any preventative medication until it they catch something on EEG (which is unlikely since this only happens every few weeks) or unless it happens again ("it" meaning a full on grand-mal seizure - probably at the office or on the bus or in the skyway surrounded by people). I get it but I think they're kindof missing the point of preventative. Of course I can tell them stories of the auras but given that I have anxiety on my chart from years ago (who doesn't), they pass it off as panic attacks. In order to get any kind of treatment I'm going to have to have this happen again and probably get more brain damage than I already have. It's just so frustrating because it *has* happened again. Sure I haven't blacked out but I have had more seizures, they were just smaller, but they could turn into a big one at any time.
The worst part of it all isn't even the seizures, it's the fear of them. I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone because I could just black out at any moment or sit on the ground looking like a fool because I'm so dizzy and I can't see or hear. I don't want to be a disruption. I'm an architectural designer so social interaction and large groups are impossible to avoid.
I still don't know how I got that job. I interviewed for it after the big seizure. I have a portfolio website and had applied for nearly 20 firms in Minneapolis. Some had gotten back but not offering any kind of job. Then one day I have one of the biggest firms in the country (in the world, actually, it's an international firm) reaching out to *me* because they liked my stuff that they saw online. So that was cool. I was so dissociated however that I barely remember my interview.
It's to the point where I want it to happen again so that I can get treatment. If I'm on something at least I know I'm a little safer from it happening again. It's all I can think about whatever I'm doing. "What if I have a seizure right now?" I can't sleep at night so I have to take ambien which is starting not to work (and also down-regulating my GABA receptors even more, making me possibly more prone to seizures).
I used to love going to church and seeing my friends. Even just the thought of the building makes me nauseous now. I won't go anymore. When the aura happened and I was going to sit down I put my hand out. That image of my hand moving toward the grass is always in my mind like an annoying desktop wallpaper that I can't change.
My wife think's I'm being over dramatic. And honestly I agree, but I can't really help it. She has never been supportive of me in this, though. She doesn't really see what the big deal is. She also has Borderline Personality so I think that's part of her apathy. Her and I don't get along as well as I think a married couple should, and while I'll admit that I'm not perfect either I think her BPD, her constant moping, her only wanting to be a couple when it's convenient for her is the reason it's not working. But I digress.
I don't know where to turn anymore. Psychiatry can only get me so far. I've tried a few therapists but it wasn't for me (probably because in the back of my mind I know I can't cognitive-behavioral-therapy my way out of seizures). General practitioners tell me to see neurologists, neurologists tell me to see epileptologists, and epileptologists tell me to wait for it to happen again. Which it will.
If it was just seizures I think mentally it would be fine, but I know that the next one will probably come with more starving my brain of oxygen, which leads to more vision issues, more balance issues, more vertigo, more personality changes, and more seizures. But at the same time I feel like kindof a bitch because six minutes isn't even that long for a seizure, some people have had much longer ones and walked away.
I'm worried about brain damage, I'm worried about it happening in the skyway or a room full of people, except I don't know any of them. The fact that there would be a crowd of strangers would make me that much more alone.
I don't know where to turn anymore. Maybe I'm fine, maybe I just have a little PTSD.
TLDR: Had an unprovoked seizure in front of a bunch of people, went too long without air and got brain damage. Constantly terrified of it happening again and doctors aren't too keen on prevention of another one (even though there have been other ones, just smaller, and without losing consciousness, so it doesn't matter to them). Living every day not sure when I'm going to collapse and wake up more screwed up than I am already. | ptsd |
First of all i just wanted to let everyone know i have never been good at explaining or writing things or explaining how i feel . so sorry if this doesnt make sense,
For as long as i can remember i have struggled with my mental state, from a young age i was pretty much dragged up and went through some shit,
I used to be in a life that was pretty much hostile 24/7, did alot of bad things throughout my young and teenage years, i have struggled with anxeity and depression for as long as i remember too but only realised it not so long back as i just thought it was just how life was,
Forward many years, alot has changed i have a job a wife a home, steady life,
But i am constanly on edge, i never feel safe, i feel like i allways look behind my shoulder, even at home i am allways on guard. I can NEVER relax, i think of the worst case all the time, allways feel i have to stay ready for the worst in any way shape or form, i dont sleep, i hear the slighest noise and im up and alert all the time, its so draining, i allways need to be out the house thinking it will be nice to get out to no where but after 5 mins of leaving the house i want to go back, and the the same cycle keeps going and going, i feel like ive gone insane,
Sorry if this is long winded, i just need to get it off my chest as i can not explain this in real life to anyone,
If anyone feels the same can you please tell me any coping you use or just to feel like im not.alone with this feeling would be a help
Thanks | ptsd |
I lost my faith a few months back, mainly due to anxiety and intrusive thoughts it cause but yesterday i had a horrifying experience. I had a tough day and when i got back to my dorm i gamed but awful luck. This went on for 4-5 and i had an awful time and got so mad my intrusive thoughts flared up again and i thought, "demons listening, you can take away gaming from me". I didnt mean it and im an agnostic atheist but i so scared i cant function. I had a tough time the past few months and gaming has helped relax alot but now i fear im cursed now to always have bad luck and an awful while trying to enjoy it. I cant focus now cause of all the what ifs. | OCD |
I was going home by a train. When it stoped I tried grabing something shaped like a handle on the door. Didn't budge. I pressed a button. Nothing. Then the train moved. Starting to panic, I called dad. Now I am waiting in unknown city, waiting for him and listening to music to calm down.
I feel so stupid. Why? The doors were automatic. I missed a big green button labeled "open door".
Am I the only one who goes blank sometimes? | aspergers |
Is this just random things in my head or in the moment did I want to do that? It came in with no anxiety and felt real. I've been trying really hard to keep myself calm. | OCD |
It sucks. Now my source for insurance and money for coaching is not as tight as it was. I was paying off cc debt. I just paid off my deductible. My attention to detail and timeliness wasn’t good enough for what the company needed.
I have PT work, and I had a few old clients who serendipitously reached out for work last week. I think I’m fine, I just like having some consistency and reliability when it comes to cash source.
Ugh. | ADHD |
Aspergers has been called "wrong planet syndrome" and i think its fairly accurate in a non-literal sense. I can pretty much only relate well to other ND people and feel constantly out of place. Nothing makes sense to me and I have to force myself to mask and pretend to be like everyone else just to survive. Anyone else feel dehumanized/not actually a human being? I just feel like I have to masquerade as one. | aspergers |
mines keywords and timeline in a convo and rote memorization. And synthetic also great ability of smell (i can tell you when there is no salt in food via smelling it) 🤷♀️
i remember birthdate and people are a combination of colours to me their auras that’s how i see my close friends.
Edit: after reading all the comments. What if we all joined forces together could we become something? The first Neurodivergent Startup?? That specializes in diff fields but under one roof or something?
Sorry i’m just highly ambitious- dreamer in early 30s waiting to be diagnosed but have masked quiet a bit over time who wants to make a difference and has a strong sense of Integrity. | aspergers |
My OCD has mostly died down these days after learning and applying therapies and skills, but I've been having some intrusive thoughts relating to my gender. I'm a trans man, and I recently started hormones and had top surgery (essentially a mastectomy/chest reconstruction). My OCD has always interacted with gender dysphoria ("What if you're wrong and you're going to regret this and hate your body forever??"). Now, I have some unusually strong intrusive thoughts/images about making the wrong decision. Anyone else struggling with this? What are your experiences?
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Note: I understand there is a difference between questioning your gender and having intrusive thoughts. There is nothing wrong with realizing you're not trans and detransitioning. However, I'm fairly sure this is not the case for me and I'm just worrying excessively and upset by uncertainty. | OCD |
How do you feel about video calls?
Do you find them more exhausting than the same interaction would be in person, or less so? Do you think they tend to be a different experience for aspies compared to neurotypicals?
I find them so much more intense and tiring compared to 'real life' situations and I've been wondering if it's connected to being an aspie. | aspergers |
Australian ADHD peeps, I need help with getting some medication a bit cheaper.
Guanfacine/intuniv has been life changing for me, but it's $150 for a month's worth as it's not on the PBS. I will probably keep taking it even if I can't find it cheaper but I'd rather not need to take out a mortgage to afford medication. Does anyone have any tips/know a way to get it (legally) cheaper?? | ADHD |
I keep trying to post this but it won’t let me.
does anyone else’s OCD themes appear in their dreams? mine do constantly, and it’s made me afraid to sleep.
Last night I had a dream about inc*st and I’m now awake—deeply disturbed and feeling sick. I’m afraid I somehow enjoyed the dream in my subconscious, despite clearly being so anxious about it.
Does anyone else get this? How do you guys cope? | OCD |
Curious how to tell when you hit the right dose? Sitting at 3mg at bedtime, and see some positive results, but not sure what the sweet spot/tell tale signs of needing to increase or stay are. | ptsd |
I'm struggling with organising my life as well as focusing on work (both loosing focus or procrastinating). Whenever I try organising I use my calender but I often forget and can't make it some sort of morning ritual or anything. I like having a rather spontaneous schedule but when I do that too spontaneously and unplanned I tend to forget deadlines and usually do assignments last minute. Because of this I have a lot of stress over a short period of time, then I chill again and then a new ton of stress comes around.
Do any of you have any good tips on making a schedule and sticking to it on the long run? Thanks in advance. | ADHD |
I don’t know why, but it feels like I just can’t get enough. Literally, no amount of affection quells the itch in my brain.
I was given enough affection as a child, and I don’t know what it could be except maybe a symptom of my extreme adhd. Does anyone have something like this? Or know what it could be about? I feel like an addict chasing another high | ADHD |
i just don’t want to be here anymore i hate everything about myself i just can’t do it anymore | depression |
Hi
( i am a woman)
I've been attracted to guys and girls during my whole life (more towards girls) and I have a girlfriend. But all i think is about if i'm only attracted to only guys and my thoughts are just focused on that. Each guy or girl I see i will think about if he/she is attractive or not.And I have thoughts that tell me i only like men.I've had crushes on both so that's why i identified myself as bisexual even tho my attraction for girls was stronger (before the OCD came because past all that theme i had thoughts about loosing my feelings towards my girlfriend). But also when i kiss her and stuff i really enjoy it and i have these thoughts when i'm away from her. I'm just scared if i will have to break up because of my sexual orientation | OCD |
My best friend helped me with this exact problem this weekend: I had +70,000 unread emails and most of them were subscriptions I started and didn't need, but felt paralyzed to deal with. I don't think that situation is limited to people to ADHD, but so multiple symptoms I struggle with ended up worsening the problem.
I'd recommend doing this on a computer to start
- The first step was deleting most of it. You can start by searching "**is:unread and older_than:1m and label:unimportant**" and deleting/archiving those.
I deleted unread stuff older than 1 month because with *70,000* unread emails, if you didn't see it yet, odds are it might as well be gone. And the "unimportant" ignores stuff Google thought was important. But you can also archive to be safe.
(Also fair warning: It's going to take a minute. I had to repeatedly select all conversations and let it do it's thing.)
- From there you can select "**older_than:1w**" or some similar short time frame and archive (not delete) all of those.
- I think this is key for Gmail users: **Disable that "Promotions/Forums/Social" feature called Categories**. It doesn't mesh well with a habit of signing up for unnecessary emails because it hides the problem from you
- To do that, go into your settings and switch from "**Default Inbox**" to "**Unread First**": https://imgur.com/a/LJRHQLs
Now your email will only have two categories, "Read/Unread", and be immediately easier to deal with.
- Optional: Enable *Reading Pane* on Desktop, it makes replying to emails happen on the same screen instead of a popup window. That helps me stay focused.
- From here comes the slightly harder part. Every day, try and clean out your read stack. And to do that, don't just delete the emails, unsubscribe first.
It can be hard sometimes, you might get that thought of "oh well maybe I want to remember this exists" or "maybe this is a good deal" etc. But remember where you started, you likely would not even have seen this email. Just unsubscribe, and if in a week you remember regret it, you can always sign back up.
---
It was insane for me, that first day I probably got 20 something new emails in the hours before bed. But it does get better: This morning I have 5 unread! And of those only 2 were automated!
It's so much less stressful not wondering if I missed something in that mountain of emails, and it's a calming feeling seeing that empty unread box.
One trick I didn't rely on enough to start was Google's built-in unsubscribe button. It used to be flaky but now it seems to be working consistently. | ADHD |
For all those lurkers who were once me. I Just want to say that you are able to recover from contamination OCD. I have made so much progress in just a month. I am still a work in progress but it feels good to be able to live again.
Last month I was not able to touch anything. I thought everything was dirty. I had a major fear of feces and thought everything was contaminated. I didn't use my pockets or touch the lower half of my body for over a year. Washed my hands for so long every time I went to the bathroom. I'm always scared to share my full story as I don't want others to have any of the thoughts I did. It was/is difficult.
In mid July I finally saw a therapist and started my recovery. ERP works. It is very challenging but well worth. I cried in my therapists room, still do. Before they were sad and despair and now they're usually happy tears.
I would be happy to share how/what I did but this is more for all those people who feel like it's not possible or they will never get their life back. You will and can! You learn how to control your anxiety and how to push back against your compulsions. You became aware of what's happening.
If you have the ability to see a therapist do it asap. Find one that has experience with contamination ocd and does ERP. Find one even If you don't think you need one but might. It can get so bad. I never really saw mine as a huge problem and thought "I'll get over it" and then one day I showered 3 times in a row and washed my hands for probably 4 hours. I felt like I hit rock bottom. Everyone's is more complex than we could type but you can get better!
Recovery is possibly! Know that. There may be more posts like mine with more info. But I feel good and wanted to share because I was so lost at one point. Reddit helped me a lot. And I would be happy to share and answer any questions that can help someone get better.
Admit it's a real problem and finding help is the first step!
Goodluck to everyone fighting this battle. It is exhausting but getting your life back is worth fighting for. | OCD |
Has anyone ever wanted to yell this out to your SO but immediately retract it because: 1. It may make it sound like you're blaming it for your shortcomings, as if that will fix everything 2. You know how difficult it will be for them to even fathom or understand. 3. You feel that they would just think you're making "another excuse"
I feel like I've learned all this new stuff. Gained all this understanding about what makes me, me and when I see my person get frustrated at the stupid stuff I do (with the best of intentions), I feel as if it's all for nothing. Almost like you haven't. Learned. A. Single. Thing.
Don't really know if I was looking for answers. I just needed someone that could maybe understand... | ADHD |
So as someone who suffers from OCD and likes to keep their life very comfortable, minimizing deviancies and threats, I’m considering taking a job that would put me out of my comfort zone. I have continually worked in positions that up to now, have allowed me to stay within my parameter of being in control. I like to drive the same routes and to keep things in control as I see it, and this job would put me in a position to where I would not be in control. I should also mention that I am in recovery from alcoholism because I used it to treat this disorder for years. I feel that maybe challenging mice | OCD |
I had been doing pretty well for the first time in awhile ocd-wise until this week. I have an iud so rarely get my period but just got it for the first time in months. I realized I was getting super emotional for no reason and that my ocd brain was back in full swing. Does this happen to you? So frustrating after making progress. | OCD |
So when I was about 14 or so a lot of stuff happened in my life and for reason I don't feel like discussing and that were beyond my control I wasn't medicated anymore. Now in my early 20s I realize a lot of the difficulty I had since then has actually been because of my adhd. Thing is, since around this time I haven't been to the doctors or had insurance so I have no idea who to call or what to do to get medication again... any ideas on who to call and what to do? | ADHD |
My comfort-zone is sitting at home playing videogames, watching series, playing music and learning my own things.
Then college comes with all these things that's just so far away from this comfortzone: doing obligatory internships, giving us too much work, forcing us to present( even though my brain does not process information lineair like that) and also sometimes giving us no other choice but to do work in the weekends.
How do I get through this? After graduation I will work part-time, but before that, I need to get through all this. It means that I first have to be unhappy, instead of motivated to learn and then I can be free and happy again.
I cannot be 5 days of the week 9 - 5 unhappy. I withdraw into escapism at night and am tired the next day because of it. | aspergers |
I'm a late-in-life diagnosee. I've been learning about masking and taking steps in my own life to stop doing things that make me uncomfortable. But there are layers and layers. Like, it's masks all the way down. Honestly, sometimes I don't know what is masking and what is my personality at this point. I don't feel like there are clear, sharp lines defining this. When it is "masking" and when is it, well, simply good manners? personal sacrifices that every human being needs to make to live in a society?
Besides my own Aspie-ness, I am the mother of two ASD children. As such, I need to teach my kids how to navigate socially. Example: I cannot/will not allow my (high functioning) son to make sudden, loud shouts because it's "too quiet". I know it comforts him to do it, but it is obnoxious to everyone else. He can't do that at school, he can't do that around other people. Now, is that stifling him? asking him to mask? I won't let my daughter wear stained, worn-out clothes to school. She loves them and feels comfortable -- but it's not going to happen. They need to eat with forks and sit in chairs, even if it's uncomfortable. I don't want to make them mask themselves, I want them to be who they are BUT I do need to steer them into socially acceptable/expected behavior.
I don't want to stir up conflict here. I would genuinely like to know where/if everyone else draws the line between (high functioning) masking and necessary social grace? | aspergers |
He says that instead of treating the ocd thoughts and compulsions, he treats the trauma behind where it came from instead. That is if you have any idea where it came from... I thought it was interesting though. He said this is the case for many, but not all. I can pinpoint certain things in my life that have happened though that have probably caused me to develop the obsessive thoughts that I deal with now. | OCD |
Hello Everyone! Normally I can get my ADHD under control without the use of medication with enough effort. However, with my college midterms due on Monday I am finding it impossible to focus with everything happening right now. Do you have any suggestions on how to get my head in the game, and what works for you? I don’t have any way to get prescription ADHD medication, but I do have access to over-the-counter medication if anything will help. While I can post more details, I feel they would be irrelevant and would be more of a vent rather than having useful information. | ADHD |
Hello everyone I suffered from various Ocd theme since 3 Years (if it's Ocd of course ) ROCD, HOCD,POCD , TOCD.
I have a question about arousal in Ocd .
When I suffered from hocd I had urge to try some thing to see if I was aroused ( try autofella , eat my own semen , anal masturbation.. etc..) and when I had this urge ,or thought ,I feel rush of anxiety or arousal and want to try it and most part of the Time , I liked it.. I Hope it's due to Anxiety arousal or juste because it's Taboo?
Precum could be groinal response ?
At this moment I have TOCD , I m scared to be trans ( nothing against Trans ). Last Time I had a thought " What if I try string and underwear "?
Then I tried it and I feel aroused wtf ( I had again this urge and anxiety ).
What is very scary is that, When I was with my ex Gf I tried her Swimsuit,to laught and when I was 15 Years , Friend disguised myself in women.. | OCD |
Just a concern: My daughter just started on Methylphenidate. Just 10mg non XR. She’s only 10. I come from a long line of ADHDers and am diagnosed and medicated myself. I guess my question is, are there any studies or people on here with experience on long term brain developmental changes in children who are medicated with stimulants and then go off of them as adults? I’m skipping ahead a little, but it worries me that someday she’ll develop some form of depression or something if she tries to stop taking them. 🥺 I know, seems kind of silly considering I know first hand the issues that can develop from not treating ADHD. Any help is appreciated! | ADHD |
Nothing feels right you know? Everything is slow, monotone and in full colours. You try to find even the slightest it of joy, only to end up with more misery. But that's fine. I don't need to go through looking for joy. That's tedious and straining and I've looked long enough already. So I'll die.
I know my family will hurt from this, but that's fine. My parents are the reason I was molested for months on end so I fucking hate them. Though I suppose that I am close with my siblings, and they won't see this coming since I'm more or less the invincible brother, who never lets anything get him down or stop him, but being invincible is quite taxing. So goodbye, I loved you all | depression |
Hi,
I'm 27M.
I have high functioning Asperger's. So I'm pretty ok, I have most of the gifts but few downsides nearly unnoticeable.
But one thing that I remember from the very few conversations about it is drinking alcohol, and growing up. I've never been able to get drunk, dunk.
I've been spiked (targeted GF, Gf handed drink go me unaware) I was out for the count.
But actually drinking alcoholic drinks. I can drink, drink, drink but I can't switch of or feel drunk.
I can drink till I feel sick, and I feel physically dizzy, but I can still do maths, walk my way home 2 miles, I can still watch a everyday astronaut video on Russian rocket engines despite downing half a bottle of whisky.
Does anyone else feel like this.
It's frustrating on days that are bad. And you want to switch off so desperately, but even alcohol can drown out the noise, thinking, analysis etc.
Just something I thought over the weekend after I keep trying and failing. | aspergers |
I spent most of my childhood being bullied by people around me, so I started closing off from the world as much as I could. My family were very similar with bullying tactics. Last year, I lost my job, and lost someone close to me. For the first time in 10 years I let someone in, we dated for 3 years, and she always said that I put up emotional walls, I spent 3 yrs tearing them down and explained to her that I had dealt with cheating ex's in the past which resulted in me avoiding relationships for 6 years. Last year she started seeing someone before i lost a loved one, they were just friends. However she started seeing him after i lost a loved one. I went through what happened with my psych and explained to r/survivinginfidelity what happened. After months of therapy I was told I have forms of PTSD and have started closing myself off again from the world. Even the slightest things can trigger me to feel vulnerable and become more distant. I don't really what to do other than see my psychologist and meds....any advice? | ptsd |
Hi! I'm wondering if anyone has advice about this. I haven't been on a plane for almost two years now and I have to travel in three days. I've always had pretty intense obsessions during the flight (especially during take off). I can't help myself from doing compulsions, mostly mental ones, and I get really stressed out because I'm afraid if I don't do them perfectly then the plane will crash or who knows what will happen. I've even had some panic attacks on flight because of that. I know in theory I don't have powers to control the plane, but "it's always better to be safe" right? It's so frustrating, I don't know how to stop myself from performing the compulsions. And plus with covid now there's even more to worry about when traveling. Anyone else feel like this? | OCD |
It's [https://www.doesthedogdie.com/](https://www.doesthedogdie.com/) | ptsd |
I’ve been trying to find out if this phenomenon has a clinical term, so I thought I’d see if the community has any information to offer.
I’ve experienced this for pretty much as long as I can remember.
Sometimes when I experience a trigger (yelling, being chased, etc.) or just feel threatened in general, I will completely lose the ability to speak. And anytime I try to push myself to talk, it feels like it goes against the entire nature of my being. As if speaking will put me in a terrible situation.
It feels very similar to a freeze response, however, there’s been plenty of times where I’ve been unable to talk, yet I’ll be free from any dissociation or fogginess. And similarly, there’s also been times where I’ve been heavily dissociating and not able to talk.
I’ve been trying my best to combat this feeling or even learn to cope with it bye using written or visual language as opposed to vocal language. But I still feel like it would help so much more to understand exactly what it is in order to handle it better. | ptsd |
I'm suffering from depression and have been having suicidal thoughts again and again. It gets very bad at night, and last night I almost did it. I don't know if I can keep holding on and if me stopping myself if enough. Ive called the suicide helpline (who didn't pick up) and tried talking to my mom, the only parent that actually cares a little bit, she said that I was embarrassing my family and that it's a phase and I'm just lazy. I've lost all hope now but I know that people who care exsist, so I wanted to know what I could do. The context is: I'm still a student and school and my parents are incredibly controlling so I can't really earn money or even have a bank account, meaning I can't buy anti depressants or contact proffesionals for help. Please help me because I don't think I can keep going any longer | depression |
I currently just use Google reminders through assistant (eg, "remind me to ____ at 5:00"). However, sometimes the reminder comes up, and for whatever reason I don't see/hear the notification. Sometimes I'll even absentmindedly dismiss the notification.
Is there an app that will just keep "nagging" me every now and then (with a notification chime) until I mark the task as finished? | ADHD |
TW// I go into some detail about my fear with climate change
So I got high today, at a terrible time. I posted something recently and some guy brought up the supply chain. Curious, I go out and look. Then I get into a rabbit hole of climate change, something I never discuss or think about out of incurable fear. Literally NO ONE offers hope in any meaning of the word. You could type in “climate change makes me want to k*** my**** and you still get these horrible horrible stories of “10 years left” “its a lot worse than you think”. I cant stop imaging when the apocalypse starts and I see New York is scramble, billions of people dying not knowing if you’re next. Even if you survive you know you’ll never be happy again. Living in small communities feeling lonely and knowing it’ll be hundreds of years to live in the society that you want to live in.
How am I going to end this fear? When I thought I was a serial killer but learned about OCD I was resolved from that fear, when I thought I was dying from stage 4 cancer it was resolved after months of no cancer treatment yet I still didn’t die. I just pray pray pray the world can hold on until I’m 70, 50 years time. I despise I was born in these time, its so insanely unfair. I dont know how to cope and I cant wait to speak to my therapist Tuesday (here’s a nice triggering title “climate anxiety: therapist dont know what to do”) They’re really sucking the hope from every aspect in every single way. I will be present at activist rallies, and now this fear has made me want to adopt child (not a bad thing!) what the hell am I supposed to do? | OCD |
Whenever I’m happy and not stressed ritalin seems to work great for me and I can study and stay motivated but whenever I go through periods of depression ritalin seems to have no effect on me at all. Has anyone had a similar experience? I know it must have to do with brain chemistry but how can I counteract this effect? It seems like a bit of a vicious cycle | ADHD |
Hey,
I feel like I’m crippled my depression but my depression is actually only due to this thing called Peyronie’s disease that is ruining my life.
Ironically, I have always been the happiest jolliest in my friend group and I’m still able to be funny when they’re around.
But I feel like the happiest people are depressed and I see that now. I’ve been going out of my way to make jokes more now. I really feel like I’m covering up suicidal tendencies by trying to be funny and distract myself | depression |
This is kind of a weird issue amongst my neurotypical peers, but i figured it wouldn't be so on here. My issue is that ceramic plates and metal utensils make way too much noise for me to handle. I get extremely annoyed and the need to flee. Sometimes when the sounds can't stop it induces extreme anger and i just can't function. Is there any kind of other plate material that maks less sound? I know that plastic is pretty muffled, but I'm still curious. | aspergers |
For the longest I was obsessed with climate change. Most days from about 2015 onward (MUCH LESS NOW), I was constantly reading, watching youtube videos, reading several subreddits (/r/climate, /r/worldnews, /r/politics). Then I started reading geopolitics and eventually ended up on /r/collapse which for me was the absolute worst. Reading these subreddits combined with twitter made me really depressed. So depressed I went through a few periods where I didn't want to eat.
I would obsessively google the same topics over and over such as nuclear war, climate change, and the doomsday clock. I was looking at that clock every day as if it were going to change. Reading the same threads, the same articles, over and over and over. Making me feel worse. For years I was doomscrolling before it became an actual buzzword and in my case I was taking this shit to another level. To the point of literally *making myself sick*. I had a negative world view and outlook on life and it was eating me away inside. I've had many sleepless nights and even moments of feeling suicidal. My obsession has even drove me to occasional panic attacks.
This might sound strange but if anything the comments sections made me feel worse than the actual articles themselves. More than the actual information. The comments made me feel like *shit*. Literal melted shit.
Don't get me wrong these are real threats and some of the collapse folks do make good points, but I had to step away from this stuff. At the same time like most subs, there’s also a lot of ridiculous BS threads and comments that get posted there often. Whenever I tune out the news and social media I started to feel better and less down. It was making me sad. Sometimes I would cry before bed.
People might call it "burying my head in the sand" but I call it protecting my mental health. I don't want to be ignorant with what's going on in the world but over time I realized that I can't read/watch it every day. Maybe once a week or so. If there's anything major I'll know about it. It was negatively affecting both my physical and mental health. Had to go to therapy too. I'll admit sometimes I cant resist the urge and take a peek every now and then but I'm glad its less and less now.
Special interests are great but I just wanted to share my experience from another point of view. I've been on both ends of the spectrum regarding special interests. I've had good ones that added to my life and interests (like this) which unfortunately turned bad and hurt me.
Sorry if this was too long and if I sound batshit crazy. I really needed to get this off my chest and don't really have anyone to talk about this with. | aspergers |
I thought I was getting better at it. There’s this friend who I’ve been getting pretty close to the past year and I’ve been sharing a lot with her. She nows a little bit about my trauma but I’ve never told her much. Then I texted her asking if she would be open to talk about my trauma with me but that she could definitely say no if she wasn’t up for it. It seemed like a good idea, I felt like it would be better for me to talk about it. She said that she would definitely be open for that and asked if I think it would help me. And then I completely freaked out. The thought of actually sharing that much with her, or anyone, terrifies me.
And now I’m afraid that I’ve shared too much with her. That I’ve been relying too much on her. Maybe she just pities me, maybe she thinks it’s annoying that I want to talk about my mental health so much. Yesterday I texted her that she could just leave it and that I thought it would be good to talk about but that I don’t anymore. She hasn’t replied yet. She’s a horrible texter so that’s not weird or anything but it does give me anxiety. Maybe she thinks I’m crazy and I mean, she wouldn’t be wrong.
So now my mind is just going crazy. I want to distance myself from that friend because I think I’ve been too much on her. But I don’t know if this is a good idea or if I’m just self-sabotaging again. I also hate the fact now that I shared so much with her, even though I actually didn’t share that much. I don’t want my friends to see me as this vulnerable person who can break down at any minute and I’m afraid that that friend sees me like that now.
I hate this. I wish I could just talk to people without being afraid of opening up. I wish I could get close to people without wanting to push them away at some point because this always happens. I could decide to not push her away but I don’t know. I kind of want to hold off on contacting her until she contacts me again and see how long that takes, just so I can get an idea of if she actually cares about me or just pities me. I know that might seem crazy but my mind is a mess. I hate this. I wish I was normal. | ptsd |
Hi all! I guess have a question about obsessions that come in waves. So, I’m 23 and I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD (beyond a therapist telling me I had symptoms of it), but I seem to gravitate towards people who have it. My wife, my ex boyfriend, and two of my best friends have it. My family on my mom’s side has a hoarding problem ranging in severity from person to person. My uncle’s house is unlivable because of it, but my mom just has a few rooms so full of things that they’re unusable. I always wanted to break this cycle, and I worked really hard to do so. I thought I had, but I was describing something I experience to my wife the other day, and they described it as “thought hoarding.” I’d never heard that term and googled it, and I’m starting to realize this might be part of a bigger pattern. The thing is, I feel like it comes in phases. I’ll get incredibly obsessed with something and then suddenly stop and not care about it again. Examples are:
- obsession with hair removal to the point that i couldn’t be seen by anyone if I hadn’t waxed everything (lasted about 6 months in high school and hasn’t come up again)
- similar obsession with teeth whitening that led to me doing really painful stuff to my mouth rip
- obsession with becoming the most productive person possible, but i really just spent about 12 hours per day researching productivity methods, making schedules, and reading self-help books
- obsession with weight/food that basically looked like a full-blown eating disorder but then suddenly vanished after 2 or 3 months
- repeated obsession with the last thing I say to someone I love needing to be perfect in case they die before I see them again
- many others
right now, my main problem is writing everything down and organizing it. I’ve always kept extensive lists and notes, but it’s gotten really really intense to the point that I can’t function. I write down every interesting or funny thought I have, anything I think of needing or wanting to do or learn or google, anything i want to tell anyone, everything i do, everything i remember, etc. I don’t understand why. I don’t really have a specific thing I’m worried will happen if I don’t write things down, which is why I never considered OCD. I just have to do it or I cannot move on from the thought. I have to write down details even when I know I’ll remember them. Like, instead of writing “take out trash,” I have to write a step by step guide like I’m my own personal wikihow. I have to write down “use the bathroom,” “go downstairs,” etc on my task lists. It’s exhausting and takes up all my energy.
It’s always been worst with memories, ever since I was a little kid. I cling to memories of people who aren’t in my life any more even if they weren’t that important to me. Those thoughts are constant, not in waves, and completely prevent me from ever moving on emotionally.
I write down every book I read, movie/show I watch, store I go to, etc with detailed notes on them. I have this mental map of where everything important is in my house just in case someone loses something. I also have the common perfectionism thing of “I’m the only person who can do this right” but to an extreme. And I genuinely believe it, because to me nothing is right unless it’s perfectly formatted and written and I’ve read articles on how to do it to make sure it’s exactly right. It takes me about an hour and a half to make one slide of a powerpoint.
I also have problems with touching things in the wrong way. If I touch something I often have to stroke downwards on it before i can stop touching it, have to touch it with the same part of both hands, etc. Not sure if that’s normal or relevant. Anyway, I’m scared this is affecting the people in my life. Sorry this is so long, thanks to anyone who reads it. Thoughts/advice would be so appreciated. | OCD |
Hi everyone! My thesis for an upcoming research paper and website is on OCD Misrepresentation. I want to get a thorough outlook into what OCD can be like outside of my own experiences and articles online. If you would like to participate either comment here or send me an email listed at the end.
What I need:
- NAME (real name is optional but I need something to call you in my paper/website)
- AGE (preferably real age, if you don’t want to provide exact age then feel free to use a number within your age group or just say teen/adult/young adult/middle-aged, etc)
- DURATION (how long have you been struggling with OCD? Optional)
- TYPE (absolutely optional but this helps provide a deeper insight to your experience)
- MISREPRESENTATIONS (explain a time or several times when you saw OCD being misrepresented by media or by people or when someone offended you specifically pertaining to OCD and what’s it like, this is required)
- ADDITIONS (anything else you want to add; a photo, something else I should know, questions, or anything else)
PLEASE NOTE: I will be compiling as many responses as possible into my assignment. It will be shared with a class of 20-30 students and an English professor. By providing these details you authorize my use in an educational format. If you wish to withdraw your information from use, please contact the email BEFORE 04/11/21 so I can react accordingly. Project draft is due 04/13/21, any responses after this date will not be recorded as seen nor used in the project. However, this could be a good way for us to see what other people struggle with so if you want to reply to it after that date feel free!
Email: rosecoloredassistance@gmail.com
Thank you to anyone who participates! I will post the website final draft in May and send a personal email to anyone who provides one. | OCD |
**It feels way worse than it actually is**, hang in there.
I was on this reddit a lot last night and saw people who are struggling with things I have personally overcome (though still deal with!) and I wanted to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We all get there differently, I have my experience I'd be happy to share sometime- but for now please just know you're not alone and that there are others out there who get what you're going through, even the really rough stuff.
It never really gets easier, you just get better at dealing with it, and honestly- they are the same thing eventually. | OCD |
I know this sounds pretty lame. But last night was the first time in years that I went to bed without any ritualistic behavior or true anxiety.
For years I've always had a fear of bugs crawling into my bed and onto my face while I'm sleeping and in order to relieve those intrusive thoughts I check all the corners of my room and under my bed in patterns of 4 beforehand. I also check my phone in a very specific way to make sure my alarm is actually on.
But last night I just "threw away" those thoughts in my mind and went to bed! It's been about a month since I started taking Zoloft and I think it's working! It's easier for me to hide intrusive thoughts now. I'm just so happy I'm making some progress! | OCD |
i have 2 of my most important finals today and tomorrow, but for weeks now i’ve been unable to focus, or even form a coherent thought it feels like. my meds are at too low of a dose to help me i’m pretty sure, and i’m just so tired. nothing feels real, time goes by so weird, and i just want to curl up in bed and not move for a week and just be able to relax and try and think again.
genuinely don’t know if i’m making any sense, i’m just tired and stressed and i want to be on break already and even though it’s only 4 days away it feels like an eternity, and i’m scared this fuzzy, incoherent state is going to stay even when i’m away from school. | ADHD |
I'm just a person whose life is a mess and literally is surrounded by toxic people , I always have these negative thoughts and it's no fun, yesterday night i cried for like hours and the next morning i could see how my eyes turned into potatoes, honestly my family so called "family" don't give a fuck and i don't even open up to them because i'd be called dramatic and an attention seeker. i'm tired of "life" in general i always have sucidial thoughts so i keep myself busy playing games because honestly they atleast keep me away from these thoughts but my family has a problem with it, they want me to score great grades, i used to be a really good student before quarantine ever since my depression got severe and i figured out i had bipolar.. life's been rough but honestly no one helped me No one, i was there all alone. sometimes my heart used to feel so heavy that i had to rush into the restroom just to cry making sure no one hears me, I need a hug from anyone just someone who understands me instead of judging i rlly need someone to just tell me its okay..i don't know anymore, lately i've been getting offended by every single thing, i hate when people hit my insecurities because at that point i can't control myself, whenever i'm angry i can't argue back i just start crying. i hate the fact i'm so sensitive, at this point after writing so much i just feel like everyone reading this will be assuming me as prob an attention seeker and a dramatic person, like everyone else does.
i've never really shared my problems with anyone not irl nor on internet, i did sometimes and ended up feeling like a burden.
I don't know , i'm always clumsy i mess up every single thing i always feel insecure, i'm scared to go out in public and face people because everytime i see someone looking at me,i feel like deep down there they are judging my appearance so i try to hide my face, when i'm with my "friends" who only use me or my cousins i always feel insecure, they all are stunning and flawless but me..
I see the good in everyone except for me, i wouldn't have shared my problems here but i just am tired of crying and my head hurts and i don't know i feel weak, lately i haven't been taking care of myself, eating drinking or anything. Life's been hard. i'm a professional at showing people i'm happy cuz i know i'd be called dramatic if i do the opposite, so i just fake my happiness and everyone literally thinks im the most happiest human being to ever exist.
Yesterday night made me feel even worse, i always have these mental breakdowns atleast once in a day and sometimes it lasts a little sometimes it just doesn't go away, at this point i just feel like grabbing a knife and stabbing myself because i'm just a mess and a burden in everyone's life, and i know i'm an "extra" and while i'm gone, it wouldn't really make a dfiference except for my dead body occupying some space on this earth. but i have my dream life and so much more goals which are now fucking hard to achieve cuz of all this, i don't know my dream life is the only reason i wanted to livee but not anymore cuz this is literal shit and i'm so tired of pretending. | depression |
Like 20 years old hoarded toys from my childhood cuz I might use it for my future kids that I thought I'd be mature enough to have by now.
Also did anyone else go through so many things, accomish so many things just to end up in the same spot. 10 years later but more confused | aspergers |
To start off, I am a 19 years-old male (turning 20 in two months) in college. I was molested multiple times at a young age, and those incidents had destroyed me. Sometimes I see a kid with an older person, I have the urge to throw up; that’s how bad it is. My girlfriend and I are not virgins; she let hers go while mine got stolen. Unlike me, she was very sexually active before we started dating. I have not told her about those events, and I do not think I want to. I feel like I am failing her as a partner and not satisfying her needs. I want her to be happy because she deserves it! I do not know what to do. I had sex before in a previous relationship, and it did not go well. I ended up having flashbacks of my molesters and threw up all over the bed. I’m so disappointed in myself. | ptsd |
Has anyone micro-dosed magic mushrooms to help get rid of their OCD? I’ve heard a lot about the benefits and am just curious if some people’s experiences if they have some. I have pure O and suffer from HOCD. I take Prozac which has helped tremendously but Am curious about this alternative. | OCD |
I feel like I've developed symptoms of ptsd myself after witnessing my dickheaded uncle beat my dads head to where there was a quite a bit of blood on the floor after they thank God stopped going at it my uncle was drinking at the time I guess my dad got in his way or something no excusing such of an evil act and seeing my dad cry out for help at the time made me want to shove my uncle away from him but thankfully when my mom showed up they stopped fighting so I didn't have to stop the dick from him attacking my dad I haven't told the local police about this tho me and my mom are the 2 main witnesses but ya I just feel a bit traumatized witnessing all this sadly go down | ptsd |
Hi!
I'm not sure why I've taken to this space, and why I suddenly have the urge to share my thoughts on here, but well. Here goes.
I'm pretty sure I have ADHD. People around me tell me I should get checked, I've answered a primary test and scored high enough to be recommended to go see a trained professional and get a formal diagnosis. But...I can't quite get myself to go and get diagnosed.
Last year, I'd forgotten to pay a whole year's worth of national health insurance, meaning I'd forgotten to pay every month, 12 months in a row, gladly I was able to sort it out without much penalty. I suffered through a summer without air-conditioning, because my apartment unit was so messy, I was too embarrassed to let the land lord in, until I finally got myself to do major cleaning. (And yes, a few days after it got fixed my room very quickly turned into a \~semi-liveable garbage can\~). I'm diagnosed as being \~manic\~. It's all been fine though, because, despite being the type to cram projects in 3 day work marathons, I'm the type to get good grades, I just even finished my masters.
And then, I got a job. A job that I think I'm on the brink of losing right now, because of stupid, careless, mistakes. I work in costuming. I've had to formally apologise 2 times just in the last month, because I sewed the back parts and the front parts of pants in reverse, something I should have noticed but I didn't. I attached buttons on the wrong side on 4 different coats, when I literally had instructions right in front of me, even after I checked. And a slew of things like, forgetting to remove the keys , or turning off the iron, both could lead to either a robbed studio or a burned building. My boss has been really nice and patient about it, but I'm causing so much inconvenience to others because they have to pick up after my mistakes, and I work in a small company, so I'm also costing them money, for being "incompetent" and /slow/. I've been told in, not just one occasion, that I'm getting paid for my time so I should be more conscientious about my speed and my mistakes , but I can't help that it just slips by me.
So there. For the first time in my whole life, my being clumsy, and out of focus, and forgetfulness is affecting others in a very tangible way. I feel bad. I also feel very dumb. And I don't want to lose this job but I can feel everyone around me losing their trust. I should get help or figure out what is "wrong" with me so I can do something about it, right?
But I have this crippling anxiety right now keeping me from going into a clinic, because what if...it's not ADHD? What if I'm just a failure? And I'm just really inadequate. It scares me, and I want to go but also I literally *can't* get myself to.
So there. Yea.
I really don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe I just want to feel better after writing down my ramblings and putting it somewhere. But also maybe I'm curious. Maybe I just want someone to nudge me so I can convince myself to finally go.
I don't know. I really don't know what I'm looking for out from posting this. I don't know. I guess, I'll just ask for advice? Especially for the adults, how did you finally convince yourself to go get diagnosed? Sorry for wasting your time. | ADHD |
Every time I have a great date, the guy says he wants to see me again, wants to text, wants to call, then I get home and there's nothing. One guy actually scheduled a second date with me, we talked about it on the phone for like a week, then on the day of the date he ghosted with no excuse.
Another guy told me he liked to talk on the phone, so I texted him a while after our first date and asked if he'd like to chat and he blew me off.
I don't understand it because in the moments of our dates the energy will feel so real and positive and we will have so much fun together. I have also invested so much time and money into upgrading my appearance recently (new clothes), have adopted clean eating, got a great new job, and feel like I am in my prime.
Instead I am consistently strung along and rejected. I don't understand it.
Another problem is every guy I have decided to sleep with recently seems to have erectile dysfunction. They use the excuse "I'm just sOoOo tight," because they can't keep it up. I weigh 105 pounds, which is normal, if not slightly underweight for my height. I don't understand why I keep running into guys with these issues and I am starting to internalize it and feel like there is something wrong with me physically.
I know I am not "too tight" because I have had sex with men in the past with 9 inch dicks no problem, and have toys the same size. The last guy I went out with was average size, came in literally 5 seconds flat, and then couldn't get it up to do it again because I'm "soOoOo tight."
Most guys either flat out ghost after our first date, gradually stop talking to me, or some pull the "I'm not over my ex." My friends and family keep telling me I need to learn to "roll with the punches" when dating, but it's not that easy for me. I couldn't even get out of bed today because finding a partner seems hopeless at this point. I honestly think I'd rather give up on life.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Or share a similar experience?
Thank you. | depression |
it is over. I watched the latest episode of a variety show which touches on murder and it honestly triggered me because of the extremely unsettling coincidences with my harm and false memory. Is this God telling me that my fears are true? I don't think I can live on any longer... it is too much. I do think I have the worst OCD and no one has it worse than me. I don't even know myself anymore. Maybe I'm a murderer. Period. | OCD |
I am about 95% sure I (19f) have ADHD but I don't think anyone wants to believe me? I've done my fair share of research, and I know that it's not just depression or anxiety. My doctor refuses to acknowledge it, only stating she's only specialized in depression/anxiety and suggests medication that I've previously had before. I've been diagnosed for 7 years, and I've never had an issue with focusing or losing track or procrastinating as much until now. When I was in high school and during my first year of university I had no issues doing my work, even when I had to pull things off at the last second I still maintained good grades and it worked out for me.
I'm a little into my second year now and I cannot do anything in my classes. It's so hard for me to do anything without getting distracted or getting tired. I can't focus on my work without an energy drink, and it's hard for me to do anything for more than 2 hours straight anymore. I can be on my phone till 5 am doing nothing but the moment I open an assignment, I'll do <30 minutes of work and I'll call it a day. I'm so behind in my classes and it's so fucking hard for me to finish this ONE research assignment that's been overdue for 2 weeks now. I just don't know what to do or where to go. I hate that I'm like this. Does anyone have advice for this--regarding both a possible ADHD diagnosis or even study tips that'll help me get out of this rut?
Anything is appreciated. Thank you | ADHD |
I've struggled with contamination my whole life and it was really bad when I was younger, but luckily I've been a lot better as I got older. But yesterday and today have been such terrible days over some poison ivy I was around in a park.
I wasn't even sure I touched it that much. Mostly just my pants and shoes but I had the worst response in years. I was petrified and shut down. I have to wash everything I touched now and am so stressed I want to die. I haven't felt this much fear, anxiety and compulsion to clean literally everything in a long time. It's exhausting and I hate feeling the need to do these things.
I've never been in contact with poison ivy and new things usually set me off and I cant handle it. Times like these make me feel terrible and just remind me that I'm not normal and can't deal with things rationally. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I've been doing so well and then this. Thank you for reading. | OCD |
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