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I don’t know if this could be related to masking or social anxiety, but I find myself stressing a lot over my own looks/haircut/physical shape. Like, getting easily overwhelmed if my appearance doesn’t feel “ideal” to me. I guess I developed the whole “dress cool as to make up for social difficulties” mindset over the years. | aspergers |
I will no longer let its existentiality bother me.
I will sit with it and let it be, ill allow all of it in, all of it. The horror, the existentiality, the pain and misery. I let it be. And let it go. I no longer need to push it out of my mind. I no longer wish to shun it out. I accept it. Fully.
At the end, death is no more to you than sleeping. You wont feel the "forever". You wont. It wont happen. People and I too have the misconception of believing that life is the default. A lack of existence was the default and always will be. But, despite how horrifying this is, if we literally cannot experience nothing then that means the very thing we have is to experience something and we are awarded a period of time to become living matter and experience ourselves. To be a part of life - to thrive, to cry, to be interested or not, to fear, to hate, to love, to have meaning. It is not within the hands of ours to view this world as some greater, larger business. It has no and not any at all impact on our lives. Remembering that the universe will die in a thousand trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion trilion years has no impact. Its the universe's business. We are not its commanders. We are not made to think of anything other than love, humanity, anger and perform all of the activities built into us because our brains werent made to think of this stuff and comprehend it, thats why its so difficult to, we werent meant to think of it beyond trying to survive, without thinking of size or existence. If we are so arrogant to think we are such overlords over life than by thinking our toughts will change the universe we are gods. Its simply so much beyond our comprehension that unless we willingly come to be interested and enjoy learning about it then doing demage to ourselves is futile.
So what if we're some weird apes on a random planet? How will things be different if we werent? Would it change our feelings? Sure. But it will never be and dwelling is useless. Accepting, letting the feeling inward, dealing with it and being logical with insanity - is what is right.
I live in a place where wars come and go every few years, so at some point I developed an intense existential dread - both of death and of religion. I would go on into it for months. And months. Everyday was horrible, depressing, meaningless and hopeless. For years since fifth grade Ive been plagued by this fear of death thats so ingrained in everything I do that my life quality has dropped dramatically since. It was my first pure OCD episode, and the leader to my first depressive episode. And when I became suicidal activally, I couldnt care anymore about it. In fact, I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. And eventually after that, I stopped fearing for a bit. It came and went again with the existentiallity so much that I wanted to get hospitilized but I survived and changed themes for the love of god. As bad as my themes are nothing was as bad as existential OCD.
If I die, thats outta my hands. I can only control what I can. I can literally only control what is controllable. So why live in fear of it if it can always happen? And ruin the bit of life I have? Why? Theres no point to fearing.
I could be killed by terrorists out in the street and tgats a real thing goibg on here. I could be mugged and shot to death. I could overdose on my pills one day on accident. But, I have no control other than taking the measures I can. So, I dont care anymore. Ive cared too much for years. Even though another war is brewing here, why should I care about it anymore? If I can enjoy what is. Not what could be. If I die its over. And I dont care anymore abiut what happens after its over.
Im fnally trying to let go and move on. Because Im not a god and my thoughts wont ever affect anything, other than myself. | OCD |
I was wondering if anyone else has pretty bad pain daily from PTSD. I’ve had everything else ruled out and I’m just shocked that ptsd could possibly cause me to have migraines, severe muscle tension, and bones move out of place due to the muscles being so tight. | ptsd |
Hi,
I watch a lot of (soft spoken/whispered) ASMR and it helps me a lot easing the tension in my body/mind whenever I’m overwhelmed.
I was curious if there is a correlation between ASMR and the neurodiverse brain.
Do you often watch ASMR too?
Thanks! | aspergers |
I feel like this is my biggest problem about ocd is accepting and learning to live with the uncertainty, its like theres a constant fire alarm in my head going off saying i need to have the 100% answer to a question i will never be able to answer nor does it matter. but apparently i cant understand this what i just typed. | OCD |
Hi everyone. I was wondering if those with sensorimotor ocd suffer from a hyper awareness of the eyes? At night especially I get a big awareness of my eyes which makes them so uncomfortable and feel like they are going to pop out of the socket. It makes me not be able to sleep. At the moment the only thing to relieve it is to have my eyes against my pillow and put pressure on them. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to relieve the uncomfortable feeling? | OCD |
Hi all,
I'm hoping to start a thread wherein we can post tunes/songs/pieces which we find soothing and which elevate our moods when we need it most.
I'll start with something I've recently discovered: Coldplay's Reign of Love. The piano refrain feels likes gentle rainfall upon my skin.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsOLUkQ6Ge4&list=RDVsOLUkQ6Ge4&start\_radio=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsOLUkQ6Ge4&list=RDVsOLUkQ6Ge4&start_radio=1) | aspergers |
I’ve always struggled with cooking due to how ambiguous it is, things like “Turn the heat down to a simmer”. Like how low are we talking? Give me a number. How many bubbles does there have to be before something is boiling? The list could go on.
I’ve realised that this comes up in other situations too. Phrases like “You need to take responsibility” or “You just need to accept it” really baffle me. They don’t really mean much to me and I’d rather they just tell me what I need to do rather than leaving me to connect the dots.
Just wondering if anyone else encounters moments like these. | aspergers |
Has anyone taken Guanfacine and did it cause weight gain? I saw that weight gain can be a side effect so I wasn't sure how prevalent it is. I just started taking it and the only thing I've really noticed is being a bit more calm and tuned in? I also haven't been very hungry which is why I was wondering about the weight gain as a side effect. | ADHD |
In the recent years(due to the internet), there has been many people who engage with a dishonest method of gaining social credit which is to joke about having ADHD and identify with it as an excuse for shitty behavior. The idea of possessing a mental disorder consumes people and becomes their whole personality even though they lack a professional diagnosis. I am in my last year of high school and I have been front row to some truly insensitive people who claim that they have depression or ADHD just to gain social credit. And I hate to do this, but as someone with ADHD it's fucking degrading, ADHD has destroyed a lot of parts of my life and here are these people who are just adopting the name and causing people to look at ADHD as a disorder made up to prescribe people meth. I believe a lot of these people to be single handedly responsible for making the reputation of people who get treatment for ADHD negative. These individuals make it seem like some playful quirky trait. Which couldn't be further from the truth. ADHD as I'm sure all of you know is a massive pain most of the time. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest. | ADHD |
Why do i have the urge to self harm when im no longer suicidal or struggling with depression? | depression |
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and autism this year. Last week, five months after my ADHD diagnosis, I finally got my first round of Ritalin! It's doing exactly what it should: I feel more concentrated, I get tasks done quicker and more effectively and I actually do the things I want to do!
Today, I switched from 10 to 20mg as planned. I was able to study for the first time in, like, years but I have noticed side effects that I did not expect:
* I am SO hungry (on 10 mg I wasn't; not hungry for sweets or unhealthy stuff but actual food)
* I feel very alert and almost a little restless (which I can channel into activities, though)
* I still fidget/stim a lot (maybe more related to autism?)
* My digestion is almost too fast? (before meds it was very slow)
I do believe that I am more sensitive to the increased dopamine due to me being autistic. It just makes me very aware of my body (interoception!) and notice changes quickly and it feels like I need time to adjust to that new feeling of my body.
The weirdest thing is the hunger though because I expected the opposite. I am a very sporty person and have had some competitions lately, so I believe my nutritional demands got higher and when my meds wear off, I definitely feel more hungry than on them. But it seems like my normal portion sizes don't do it anymore or is it because I eat less sweets, like I did before?
I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist, so I am definitely not asking for medical advice. I am just wondering if this is something that happens to some of you too and asking how I could approach my hunger issues.
Thank you in advance! :) | ADHD |
Obviously there’s resources for adults out there and I’m happy to have those, but I just wanted to vent for a second about how difficult it is to find it in the first place. It seems like when I google almost anything about autism, everything is aimed towards the parents. If I wanna look at symptoms, they’re symptoms in children. If I wanna look for advice, it’s mostly advice for parents. I just don’t understand because to me it’s obvious that those autistic children will GROW INTO ADULTS AS WELL. | aspergers |
I am scared...
Is it normal??
Do the dreams mean I will make my fears come true?
I feel lose. | OCD |
I’ve been struggling a lot with nightmares. To the point i’m afraid to go to sleep, i didn’t sleep at all last night. I already take meds to help me sleep but I’m just too afraid. I am exhausted. How can I sleep (without nightmares)? | ptsd |
It just makes everything so confusing, like my brain and my body are arguing with each other and I’m just there like 🧍♂️ | OCD |
Hey all.
I’m recently diagnosed and have been on Xenital XL 36mg (slow release Ritalin) once a day. I’ve noticed some pretty irritating side effects and I’m not sure if it’s worth trying different medication or just working around them at the moment. The side effects I’m getting are:
- Really bad dry mouth. I’m not great at remembering to drink water in general so this could likely be mitigated.
- Sleep issues. I’m not having problems falling asleep per se, but my symptoms hit like a truck when my meds wear off for the day and my hyper focus and time blindness come on really strong, so I’m up all night watching YouTube videos/on Reddit etc. If I can pull myself away from my phone I can get to sleep but it feels more difficult to do so than it ever really has. For example, a few nights ago I was in bed at 11:30 and exhausted after having very little sleep the night before, but I was on my phone til 7am anyway.
- eating issues. Very low appetite, and when I try to eat when my meds are ‘active’ I can only handle a few mouthfuls before I start to feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m also noticing that I’m eating loads in the night then, because I can’t sleep and I’m starving from the day.
The problem I’ve got is that outside of these issues, I feel better than I ever have. The meds are working, and they’re working really well and I’m very reluctant to give up something that is helping so much if I’m going to have similar issues with other meds or they’re not going to be as effective. Realistically I’m also not sure if other medication may be better anyway, any improvement to how I feel is mind blowing but I do wonder whether other meds would be even better, you know?
I guess my questions are:
- does this sound like a ‘normal’ amount of side effects?
- are these likely to ease off, or have I adapted as much as I’m likely to at this point?
- if sticking with them ends up being the best idea, does anyone have any tips on easing these side effects? My current thinking is to set timers to remind me to drink water, put a block on my phone to stop me using it after a certain time, and eat before I take my meds/snack throughout the day instead of focusing on meals.
I’m not really looking for medical advice per se, just wondering if this is to be expected? | ADHD |
I had forgotten this song even existed, I forgot this *band* existed because it was so heavily linked with my abuser. Out of nowhere I heard the tune in my head and now the full song is stuck in there and I'm trying so hard to not spiral into an episode but the flashbacks are pushing through the cracks and I can fucking *hear* it now. I don't know how to stop this, any advice would be so, so, so welcome. | ptsd |
The man who took advantage of me lives within walking distance of my house. I forgot about this until just now, and the incident occurred over four years ago. I'm back to feeling like my safety has been compromised entirely. He knows me, he's recognized me in public before since it happened. He frequents the few neighborhoods that I also frequent. What can I do? It just suddenly hit me again that he lives so close to me and has multiple homes addressed to him, the closest one being UP THE BLOCK from me. | ptsd |
Hi so I’m going to try and keep this short. I have contamination ocd and covid has been a massive issue. Recently my sister who lives in my family home with me and five others tested positive for covid and now I’m kinda freaking out. I had covid in June so less than 3 months ago, is there much chance of catching it again even with the close proximity to my sister?
Also I need some advice on how to handle dealing with intrusive thoughts and to stop unnecessary compulsions. Catching covid isn’t the only thing that causes me anxiety, I’m also worried about things and surfaces I touch and then touching my belongings and contaminating my ‘safe spaces/things’. | OCD |
I feel like everyone is dealing with theirs own demons so I dont wanna bother them with mine... I wouldnt even know what to tell them anyway. Another evening wasted, gonna fail a test I could've done really good at. Once again. I aint figured the lesson yet so Idk how to prevent that from happening again...
I'm feels like I'm creating this in my head to have a real excuse for being lazy and a social coward. | depression |
I (26F) am struggling really badly at the moment, enough so that it is having a major impact on my job. Although I know it’s probably not the best for me or my finances, I think I either need to quit my job or take an extended leave of absence to focus on my mental and physical health (I need time to prioritise sleep, eating healthily, exercise, and remove as much stress as possible from my life).
So my question is, has anyone done this before? My work pays up to 1 week full paid sick, however I have recently been off unwell with a bad flu. I know SSP in the UK is around £90pw (please correct me if I am wrong), but that amounts to £360pm when my rent is £700pm before bills (I live in a 6-bed houseshare).
I have savings I could use to help, although I didn’t want to. I guess I’m wanting advice on whether taking time from work is a good idea? Is it awkward going back? Would it be better just to quit? (Its not a job I like anyway). Any advice would be majorly appreciated! | depression |
I'm 25, got diagnosed a few months ago in June. Currently on my first round of titration
The diagnosis makes so much sense but I'm just so upset about all the time lost and things I've failed in life. I can't help but be resentful and think if I'd gotten diagnosed earlier I wouldn't have messed up my life this bad by now. I would have done well at university, been able to hold down a proper job, not had bad mental health that's ruined my one romantic relationship and countless friendships.
I'm trying to cut myself some slack and tell myself I only failed because I was undiagnosed but it feels like excuses. I feel like at this age it's too late for me to try to start to acheive my dreams and goals. People my age are moving past entry level jobs, they're getting married and having kids, they're making names for themselves. And I'm here scraping by with shitty part time jobs, no career, barely any meaningful friends.
It sounds do dramatic but I just feel like a useless waste of space. My life feels like it's been a blur of depression since I was a kid and now I'm 25 with nothing to show for myself. | ADHD |
For each of the following 5 statements, please answer 1-5. 1 means strongly disagree, 5 means strongly agree.
A. When I post or comment on reddit, I don't think about downvotes or upvotes, I'm just completely honest.
B. I either don't use other kinds of social media such as Facebook, Twitter, or lnstagram, or, if I do, my posts/ comments are different than if I were to post anonymously on reddit.
C. ND people are likely to respond to statements 'A' and 'B' more honestly than NT people.
D. I feel like my responses to statements 'A' and 'B' are different from the ones that NT people would provide if they're being honest.
E. I find autocorrect annoying most of the time.
Thank you. Hope you're having a good day. | aspergers |
The "me" I know right now is a waste of every resource known to man. I want to live my life through someone else, down to every beat of their heart. That's the only way I could become useful and valuable. | depression |
2 years ago i almost died of drowning, it was a normal day on sunny vacation my friend and I almost died of drowning, a random dude literally saved my life like I still can't process this day and i have PTSD from it, the worst day of my life. I never talk to my family about it, only my friends who were there know but i know that after that day like changed me completely I dropout of college, I became more introverted, I've lost friends, it is difficult to live a normal life now but i'm trying. Has anyone had a similar experience to mine?
### | ptsd |
I just really needed to get this out, no one has to read it or anything.
I just had my results session and I didn’t get the diagnosis. I guess I was “too honest”? with my responses to the emotional/personality tests. Like I should be too broken to be functioning according to my answers or something and every time I asked for clarification with the results, she’d say the same thing, so all I got out of it was that I should have lied.
I did email her with symptoms I forgot to mention (I didn’t have a full list with me in my evaluation appointment) and she “considered it” but basically said she ended up not using it…? All the examples she gave me of “if you *did* have asd or ADHD you’d be like this” and I was like “yeah, that’s exactly how it is” but it couldn’t be me because I can “focus too well” and “process things quickly”. My actual *diagnosis* was pretty vague and “unspecified”.
I’m pretty sure she just took the 30 minutes we talked and the IQ test to diagnose me and since I’m average (and did well in school) and she didn’t “observe” me stim or have communication problems (again, I was barely … interviewed? she talked a ton and I really tried to answer her questions as well as I could, which is why I had to email her) there couldn’t possibly be anything wrong with me. She pretty much flat out told me she didn’t use the SRS-2 or the personality/emotional tests I took because the people that answered the SRS didn’t have the same answers and my tests were too skewed (apparently happens when you’re too honest I guess).
I was at least able to stop myself from crying, but at the end I literally couldn’t feel my body anymore. I had to try to shake the feeling back so I’d at least be able to stand up and walk home (didn’t work, but I was luckily able to walk anyway). I honestly just feel even worse than I did before this process, like I was right in feeling like I really am just a lazy pos and need to get over it and just force myself out there. Who knows, that probably is just what it is. I just need to grow up and learn as I go. | aspergers |
I know my posts have been spammy but I just cannot get over what happened to me and I've been feeling very depressed for the past 2 weeks. I really want to change my mindset/convince me otherwise. My 'belief' is that whenever people touch my things they leave their 'strand' and I think as if that belonging is no longer mine anymore. Sounds ridiculous and I know that, but I asked my parents for therapy about 2 years ago but they weren't convinced I needed it. Now it has been stuck in my head ever since my parents invited some assholes and they disrespected me and entered my room, now I can't sleep well every night. I have already disinfected everything in my room but I still don't feel safe/the same before those events. I would usually put my bed mattress on the floor and practice martial arts, but even though I know it's already disinfected I still hesitate to. | OCD |
For me, the severity of my OCD was at it's most debilitating during my late teens. I could not function. Today, nearly a decade later, OCD is still a struggle but I have been keeping a routine with self-care. I notice many improvements when comparing to my teens. Wondering if severity has anything to do with age. Thanks for your thoughts | OCD |
Currently living with my father as I'm getting separated from my partner. PTSD from my childhood and one really bad relationship has left me very sensitive to sound and to sounds that you can feel in your body.
Since the warm weather neighbors five houses down have been blasting a base in their car everyday after work. It's not loud enough where you can hear the music but it's loud enough where you can feel the base in your chest. The odd part is that it's so far away it's just on the cusp of being audible. So I mostly know they are doing it when I find out my heart isn't trying to burst. The broken up beat is incredibly disturbing.
I've called the cops countless times but they always come 2 hours after they stop playing. (Also being told unless I was actively being raped, they didn't care doesn't help.) Right now they're playing music. I've got two fans going a show and headphones in, but I can still feel it in my chest. It won't go away
I don't know if I want to cry or break something. All I want is to be able to eat and stop shaking. Anyone have any advice because I don't see the summer getting any better.
Has anyone used to gravity blanket? Do they actually work? | ptsd |
I’ve always struggled with depression stemming from childhood trauma but throughout the earlier months this year it got severely worse, I’d lack the thought of care for anything, literally the thoughts of family members close to me passing away could bother me less - parents forced me into alcohol anonymous at 21 and it somewhat helped but I think the narcissistic side in me refuses to believe in cbt therapy - medication simply gave me horrible side effects making it worse.
Months ago I found a girl and started to finally feel sane and somewhat normal, although I think the starting phase of a euphoric relationship is having its toll on me and I feel myself declining day and day.
My question is does depression really ever go away, and has anybody with my views on therapy and stance on medication have any advice? | depression |
Has anyone felt they were an extrovert trapped in an introverts body and that you can't leave due to being petrified by your own lack of activity? I feel being isolated and not having a social life or dating life. I don't know how to get out of it since there are days I don't eat and I'm in physical pain due to not moving. Like being petrofied in Harry Potter I become stiff as a border and feel like get out where I can't be heard but I'm screaming inside the abyss that is my body. Does anyone else have this problem? Have any resources or insight? Please help. | aspergers |
I'm just sharing my story. I'm not giving anyone else advice. I've been agnostic my whole life, but this post does involve religion, and if you're uncomfortable with that, I understand. I'm not trying to push anything on anyone.
TL;DR: God has helped me heal even though I'm not sure if there is a God.
My OCD has varied in severity since my teens (my worst years). Whenever I am more stressed or anxious, it is worse.
Recently, my life has not been going well. My career and financial well-being has been impacted, my girlfriend dumped me, and my mom died (at the age of 58). My mom dying was always one of my irrational fears. An irrational thought I had in my head was that if I didn't perform my rituals, she would die.
Mostly my rituals involve tapping, light switches (when I'm at my worse), routine movements, placing of items (especially directional), and everything revolves around counting. When I'm worse, more numbers are bad. It always has to be even, but sometimes I'm as high as 16 times for everything or even 64 if I feel I need 4 of those. 4s are really my "best" number (multiples of 4 but not ending in 0) because when I'm worse, 2, 6, 8, and 12 are no good. They are specific too. 2 is not enough. 6 is evil (as in 666), 8s are either that my phobia (bugs) will be around or that I will get arrested or go to jail. I don't know why 12s are sometimes "bad," other than just 14s being maybe better. It may be any number ending in those numbers too. 10s are no good because 5s and 10s used to be my number in my teens and early-20's. When I'm at my very worse, nothing seems ok. 13 is my absolutely worst number. It even bothers me to type it.
I also cope with food and have gained an unhealthy amount of weight.
Grad school was particularly difficult because I would constantly re-read sections of material I was studying if I didn't get it right the first time.
I want to note that I am a mental health therapist, but I do not use any of that knowledge in common conversations, and I do not utilize my skills with myself (because that doesn't work in my experience for myself personally) or others unless it is in a professional context (because that's unethical in my opinion for myself personally), so none of this is advice. This is just my experience.
I'm a very weak agnostic and have always been very open to the idea of a higher power. I just have trouble being totally on-board without proof. I guess I lack a lot of faith.
Once before and last night I prayed to God for strength. I told God that I would try harder in life to improve my financial well-being, work on weight, and stop my rituals.
It has helped, and strangely, even though my career is as a mental health provider, I find more strength with this. I'm not saying that is no value in therapy, or you can't do both. I'm just sharing my experience.
I want to note that this is not perfect. My voluntary tics get worse, and I adopt a response to my urge to perform rituals (ex: "I'm not doing that). Even this post had some challenges, but I got through it.
Thank you for reading my way too long post. Lol. | OCD |
Like they do something wrong and can’t get over it for years on end? I do it normally with an argument with a family member or friend. Even after I look back and admit some faults, what I said or did in the heat of the moment always torments me long afterwards. My friends forgive me long before but I can’t let it go | aspergers |
I can’t remember being carefree and happy, and I can’t picture my life going forward as anything other than the hellhole I’m in. I’m graduating this year, and I fear becoming an adult and realizing I wasted my childhood feeling like this.
I can’t remember when I started to hate myself. Some of my earliest memories about myself are of staring at myself in the mirror and analyzing what I see. Of sitting in class and thinking that everyone around me thought i was as unlikable and ugly as I thought I was. I don’t remember what it was like to be a happy kid, unburdened by the world. I can only remember the parts of my childhood of crying and asking to be homeschooled, sitting alone in the library, hiding from anyone that could see me. I remember thinking that I was ignorable, unnoticeable to everyone around me. I remember thinking that it was good I was being ignored, because otherwise everyone would find out what I already knew; that I’m not worthy of their attention. At the same time, I never could figure out why. When I was in elementary school I hated myself because of my body, but also because I was unlikeable. But I had no idea why other kids didn’t want to be friends, I only knew that there was something wrong with me. So I hated me.
I was so afraid to go to middle school, because I was scared I would have no friends, and no one, not even the teachers, would ever take the time to get to know me. The only people I talked to in 6th grade stopped talking to me over the summer, and I didn’t realize that meant we weren’t friends anymore. I went up to them in the hallway, and they looked at me as if they didn’t know who I was.
There are days I wish I could tell that little girl that it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t deserve that, or anything that she told herself. But most of my days are still like that, laying in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering if anything has really changed. Days when I see myself in the mirror and don’t recognize the eyes meeting mine. Days when I feel as if I’m not really a person, just something inhabiting a body. Days where I look back on my life and realize I’ve always felt like this, and questioning whether or not I want to continue like this.
I can see it in my eyes in pictures, when I started to talk myself down in my head, when I thought pictures were a plague, and that I was a black mark on the happy pictures people actually wanted. I tried my best to disappear from the world, to avoid evidence that would be left behind of me. I didn’t want to be seen, and I didn’t want to see myself. | depression |
I'm 16 weeks pregnant, doing this without a mother, without a father, without any family whatsoever. My husband tries to be understanding but isn't, therefore isn't supporting me the way I need him to, or at all for that matter. My mom passed away around the holidays 12 years ago, and I miss her every day, now more than ever. She was everything to me, and i hate to admit it and I feel like as asshole and I hate myself when I think about it or say it out loud, but it breaks my heart when I see other pregnant women lean on their moms for support or just an encouraging word, because unfortunately, I was robbed of that and it aches. My husband's mother bullies the shit out of me and I barely stand up for myself, out of respect for her and her age (she's quite old), even though I'm VERY outspoken and I never allow anyone to cross any boundaries with me, and she constantly harasses me and says hurtful shit to me and has made multiple comments about my pregnancy and how I'm failing at doing it right and handling it. She's also made several comments and jokes about my chronic depression, PTSD, and anxiety because she doesn't believe in any of it, but ironically is currently depressed because she's all alone now due to COVID. I've always dreamt of having a mother in law who would treat me with kindness and compassion and love me like her very own, alas, it wasn't meant to be... Yesterday, I had to run into the bathroom, lock myself in, and pretend to vomit, because I was about to have a severe anxiety attack in front of her, because of the hurtful and fucked up shit she said to me. And my husband barely says anything to her, barely stands up for her (mind you, he does now more than he ever has, but it's still not enough), and no matter what, she always victimizes herself and blames me (and us) for being "too sensitive". I'm already heartbroken that I'm doing this alone (and it feels so alone without my husband's understanding and support), and without my mom, who'd never get to meet her grandchild whom she's always prayed for. It aches me to my very core. It breaks me. It shatters my very soul. | depression |
It feels weird to put it into words, but a big worry in my life is that I can't fully trust this natural function to fully work. It's not like I fear shit will just burst out of me at any given moment, but just a little, little bit is enough to be a disaster, because at that point I would have to shower, and that is my main OCD issue(the showers taking waaaay too long). That's why it's so important for me to avoid any mishaps back there.
Obviously I do a few things to make myself feel more safe. If anything feels just a tiny bit weird, I get the urge to "pull in" my rectum. Many times there's not anything there to "push back", like for example when you actually need to go to the bathroom and you fight to keep the shit back in until you get home, and that can make it feel very forced at times. Sometimes I can let it go, sometimes I can't.
Another thing I do is that almost every time before I am about to shit, I check the situation by wiping my dirty or not dirty ass, and then intensely observe the paper for any brown spots. if there is anything there as noticable as it has to be for it to be a "disaster", then I realize I would probably see it at first glance. But I have to do this as meticulously as I possibly can, otherwise my mind will question me later in classic OCD fashion. This means that this process can sometimes take about 10 minutes. Not *that* long, but it is really frustrating to go through.
Another thing that bugs me is that it feels like there are also a few rational reasons for my behavior. Even though it doesn't feel like there's any shit wanting to come out, I can very often feel it "moving around" back there. Most of the times it's not shit and I know it, and it can't all just be gas. So what is it then? Many times when I sit down and then get up, it feels like something attempts to get out. This is not just in my mind, I physyically feel it. I don't immediately assume that I have "leaked" because of it, but it is really unpleasant. Because of this I get up from chairs/bus seats/etc in a very awkward way, sort of dragging myself up without properly bending my knees like you're supposed to do, just to avoid that sudden rushing feeling that comes when I go from sitting to standing in just half a second. When sneezing I can also get that feeling, of something wanting to come out.
Another of these "rational" fears is that it can feel weird when I pee, as if my butthole slightly opens up or something. It's really uncomfortable. Sometimes I have to stop in the middle of doing it, just to "pull in", then continue. That thing about buttholes "opening up" is also something that prevents me from masturbating. I've felt it when having orgasms before, and I've seen enough porn to know that this is a thing that actually happens. Not necessarily that it opens, but contracts(?), hopefully you understand what I mean haha.
My biggest problem with all this is when I shower. After I have washed my ass, I am especially paranoid about "leaking". Why especially paranoid then? Simply because I can't know if it has happened. Obviously I would realize if I actually shit myself, but I mean much smaller amounts. Since I'm all wet in that area I assume any potential shit would just be diluted because of the water, and I'm not able to check later if my ass leaked or not. This is a very hard fact to swallow for me, it's an uncertainty that is very uncomfortable.
At some point I know I will have to deal with this. Either something is wrong and I will have to get it fixed, or it's something I will have to accept, and then I will try to do so. But what the hell am I supposed to do? | OCD |
What medication/treatment/activities have worked for you? Something that keeps the symptoms in control or makes you feel more "normal". Not restricted to PTSD, anything that's helped you with any mental illness (including EDs or substance use) helps. | ptsd |
I just wish i didn't wake up today. It was a absolutely trash day. So bad that i'm considering killing myself. Fuck this life. I hate it so fucking much. I'm losing my mind. I want to kill myself. Fuck. I wish i just stayed in bed. I couldn't even eat properly today. | depression |
Hi! I've had OCD all my life (my rituals are knocking on wood & completing actions in threes -- pausing the TV, touching items, etc.), and am starting to wonder if it applies to other issues I have as well. I am intensely insecure & compare myself constantly to anyone and everyone I see that has something I want. It's become a sickness & and interferes heavily with my life and ability to do daily tasks. I check the social media accounts of people I'm jealous of repeatedly, almost once every few minutes. It feels like an addiction -- I can't not do it. I get into these awful thought loops and genuinely beat myself up over other people's successes. It's like I can't stand seeing other people succeed in areas I'm pursuing. I hate saying that out loud, but unfortunately, it's true. It's the part of myself I dislike the most and pretend doesn't exist. Instead of my other rituals, though, this one causes me more anxiety, rather than relieving it. Can anyone relate? Sorry for the long post, it's gotten to a really awful place and I don't know what to do anymore :/ | OCD |
Hi friends,
Just wanted somewhere to dump this - no one else will understand I think. If you have any advice I would appreciate it, although at this point it’s kind of a done deal.
My apartment is a disaster (garbage, rotting food, etc.), I ended up moving out of it to my parents and am slowly cleaning it up. I explained to my landlords and they are understanding but they need to inspect it this week and I don’t have the money to take time off and try to panic clean nor to hire a service.
Please send good vibes into the universe that I don’t get evicted. It is very messy and I am unsure what to expect honestly.
The positive is that it’s an old, crappy house and I know my neighbour has gone through something similar (he’s somehow related to them). But I understand that this is incredibly dirty and disrespectful to their property so I don’t want to downplay that it’s terrible and I understand I’m the worst kind of tenant.
I am medicated and got a new job right beside my apartment so that’s helping, just really discouraged today. | depression |
The only thing I’ve ever consistently had interest in throughout my life is hockey and video games. Every other hobby is cool for like 1 month a year. One month I’m ready to invest 5k into video shooting gear, the next month I have absolutely ZERO interest in doing anything related to that. I want to do something with my life that won’t make me dreadful. I want to have a career that I don’t regret. But I find it incredibly hard to choose a career when I never actually know what I’m gonna like every month of the year. It’s just frustrating and somehow I fall for the “this is for real, no way you lose interest in this” comment from my mind every time.
Two months ago I enrolled in a UI design course, I thought it was so cool. I did so much research in mere days and was sure this was gonna be the start of a long career. I didn’t even last the first week before I was completely done with that. How do I even find something I know I’m gonna stick with. This seems impossible.. | ADHD |
Its been 4 days and anything but water makes me feel so sick, im dizzy and getting really sad/ anxious. I dont know what to do and I dont want to give up on something that can help | OCD |
just to be seen for med check and refill is becoming a financial burden. Anyone else feel the pain? Tbh it just makes things worse. Mental health should be free. | depression |
I make and sell jewelry in my free time and it’s something that i really enjoy. However a few weeks back I got seriously obsessed with the thought that I copied another creators idea for some of my earrings and became extremely anxious and panicked and only calmed down after seeking reassurance from my boyfriend. Tonight i wanted to make more of these earrings but suddenly the thought was back and I haven’t been able to stop worrying about it. I nearly messaged the creator I feel I have stolen an idea from explaining to her and telling her I was sorry but I got worried she would call me out for being a copier or think I was really strange. Now i just want to avoid making anything and don’t want to make those again. I don’t know what to do :( | OCD |
I checked into a rehab facility because of my OCD, and I still get reminded of stuff I did when i’m online and i feel sick. A lot of people have told me i shouldn’t be so hard on myself or it wasn’t that bad, but how do I internalize that?
would love ANY advice at all | OCD |
my mental health assessor asked me why i have self-esteem issues bcuz its strange since im in a 2 year old relationship.
this was after i told him about how i felt insecure about how i presented myself to others outside of my relationship.
i understand he was confused, but, idk its weird to jump to the fact i was insecure over romantic attraction rather than plutonic attraction. | depression |
I have difficulties getting to relax mode after workday. I'm somehow restless. I can't just lie down and stay there. I have to get up start doing something. However, I can't do that either. I switch constantly from a thing to another. From reading a book to Youtube to journaling to Audible to cleaning bathroom to... Nothing seem to work | aspergers |
I was trying to look this up on the internet, but I’ve had dream reality confusion for years now. It’s suddenly getting worse again, and I was wondering whether it’s a PTSD thing, or a symptom of something else (I’ve also been diagnosed with BPD in the past)? | ptsd |
Hi there! I was diagnosed with Aspergers in December at the age of 28, and I've found that reading up on autism and Aspergers in general has been really helpful, especially material focused on women and adults who're newly diagnosed.
I was wondering if anyone could recommend some reading material that might be beneficial to my mum - specifically, anything aimed at parents of adult autistics and parents with newly diagnosed kids, though I'm unsure how helpful stuff about younger kids would be. Anything that might help my mum understand me a little better would be great.
Thanks for any advice you can give! | aspergers |
19f severely depressed, in a new town, and 0 friends. I feel alone. I’ve burned every bridge with everyone I’ve tried to build a connection or relationship with. I’m so tired of trying to fit in. I just want to give up. | depression |
When I was 13, I realized that all of my classmates seemed to know about a ton of songs, celebrities, slang words, memes, fashion, video games, tv shows, movies, sports, and political stuff that I had no idea about. And I realized that my interests not matching those of my peers was one of the main reasons I had trouble joking and socializing. For example, my interests would be something completely random, say, amphibians or carnivorous plants.
I’m wondering if this is normal for aspies. Can anyone else relate? | aspergers |
So, I was diagnosed with PTSD three years ago. I’ve just started getting back into the whole dating thing. I have a guy I like. Don’t get me wrong, he’s super sweet, funny and a good friend to have. But, I can’t shake the feelings associated with PTSD and intimacy. Like for example- yesterday we were cuddling on my bed. It took me two hours to tell myself that I wasn’t being abused, I was perfectly safe.
Don’t get me wrong. I love cuddling. Absolutely enjoyed cuddling with him 100%. He had left around 7:30am to go to his chemistry class, it was just me in my room. The feeling of dread, my throat closing up every second. Hyperventilating. Feeling nauseous every second, thinking I’m going to throw up. But not throwing up. I get very bad physical symptoms of anxiety when I’m upset. I was shaking the entire day. I had to call my professors and tell them I couldn’t attend the rest of my classes tor the day. I laid in bed. Sobbed for awhile. Wondering why I’m so broken. And kept thinking. Why does it feel so wrong to be in a healthy relationship? I kept asking myself ‘why am I not being hurt? This isn’t normal.’ In all honesty. Being abused felt more normal than being treated like another living being with feelings and boundaries. It’s an awful cycle I can’t get myself out of. Even now, as I’m typing this. I find myself shaking. I feel like I’m going to throw up my salad from dinner (It was kind of a shitty salad too). I know I won’t actually barf. But the feeling won’t go the fuck away.
What can I do to help myself aside from directly just sitting with him and trying to get myself to understand I’m not being hurt. He’s a safe person to be around and would never cause me harm. I just can’t wrap my brain around it. Honestly might just start clicker training myself like a dog if that works.
My S/O is more than aware of my PTSD. He sat with me outside during an anxiety attack, just listening to me the entire time. Obviously he doesn’t understand it because he’s never been raped. He can only see me shaking, dissociating and anxiously chewing on my nails. But not the thoughts in my head. I’m more than likely repeating myself now. Whatever. I went to the on campus counseling service and they told me “you just need to breathe!” ☺️☺️☺️. No. It’s hard to breathe when you feel like upchucking an entire meal. I barely ate today.
I’ve been having nightmares too. I had a dream last night that my abuser and I got back together and had sex. It made me feel so disgusting when I woke up than I couldn’t even fall asleep again. Even now with him over, I still have a pit in my stomach. Definitely just sitting against him helps but it’s hard. It’s very hard.
Advice would be nice. Thanks for reading my bullshit. | ptsd |
So I was wondering if any else gets this a lot? Why does every elder or someone older than me always say “don’t worry you’ll find someone who’ll love you”. I always feel like I’m never gonna find some one like that. | aspergers |
So I love only my bf and I obsess over finding other people attractive .. I found my coworker attractive and when we catches was j other looking just out of nowhere I got butterflies … and now I get anxious and do anything f to avoid him but I can’t do it for ever …. Help I don’t wanna like him I would never be with anyone else I get those butterflies because the anxiety over him goes for so long and it happened in the middle of OCD omg I wanna die …. I feel like cheater and that butterflies are evidence | OCD |
I took Adderall XR when I was younger and it seemed to really help me.
Since working from home I found that my ADHD was out of control and holding me back from being successful.
My doc prescribed me 10mg of Adderall XR per day. For the first two weeks I felt amazing. It was working great!
Now, into my 3rd week… I’m starting to feel really “rotten” - is the best way to describe it.
I wonder if my dose is too low… or I’m thinking about asking her to try something different. It’s been so long since I even considered taking medication again for my struggles… I’m so out of the loop on meds and which ones are the best to take.
I have an appointment in 2 weeks… fingers crossed I can get this sorted out. It really sucks!!! | ADHD |
I’m pretty sure that if my work knew that I was on the spectrum before hiring me, they wouldn’t have hired me. And now that they’re pretty sure that I’m on the spectrum due to my behavior and way that I speak and communicate, they wouldn’t fire me if I could. | aspergers |
Disclaimer- I do not have PTSD
I first want to say thank you to this subreddit. My son suffers from ptsd due to events before coming to our home. This sub has been very open and helpful. You all are incredibly brave to post here and open up.
Is regression something happens when one suffers from ptsd? My son will go weeks of handling his emotions well. He will be able to talk and process (as much as a 5 year old can.) and then he will have one REALLY bad week. Back to back tantrums. They are always “started” by not getting what he wants but I know that’s not the actual reason because they are tantrums full of uncontrollable rage and aggression.
The next 2 or 3 weeks he is okay and can calm himself before he gets to uncontrollable rage.
What can I do to help this cycle? Do you ever cycle where you are ok for an extended period of time and then all of a sudden you have days where you just can’t escape the thoughts or handle the thoughts/memories/trauma in ways you’ve learned previously?
I sincerely apologize if this question is uneducated or insensitive in any way. I appreciate everyone in this sub sharing their stories. | ptsd |
Hey guys / gals,
Have a few insights and questions about Adderall, and would love to have your feedback.
Quick background: 32M, recently diagnosed when I went to see a therapist for non ADHD reasons - she told me during our first visit I had ADHD. I went to a follow up with one of those quick diagnosis virtual care company, I truthfully answered the questions, and said "yes" to just about every symptom of ADHD.
I started 5mg and have moved to 10mg Adderall a few weeks ago, and I've been taking as needed. I've found tremendous benefits in certain ways - I'm much calmer, can keep my trains of thoughts, and I've been infinitely more productive. I've also made a few other key diet and lifestyle changes (not drinking alcohol, keto diet), so I don't think Adderall is entirely responsible for that, but I'm fairly certain it's playing an important role.
Before Adderall, I would be studying, and suddenly find myself across the room, in a fridge or fixing something or checking my phone, and I literally wouldn't even remember getting up. I've currently been studying in the same seat for hours, mostly productive.
**BUT**
I've been studying for the LSAT, which I've done well on but not as well as I'd like. I got an almost identical score on my past two tests: one on adderall and one not.
Now, the catch is, I took my previous LSATs with the normal time, and would always finish, though I would often have to rush through parts, as I find after 15 minutes of sharp focus, my mind starts to wander and I become slower, having to reread questions multiple times. Made a lot of sense after my diagnosis, so I didn't think too much.
However, in addition to the meds, I received accommodations for 50% extra time. and I've been taking my practice tests with that extra time, so far exclusively on 10mg adderall. While the scores have been a definite improvement, my pace has slowed down dramatically. Part of that is intentional - with more time I've decided to be more thorough in my answers, but I actually feel like I'm a little less sharp, and significantly slower, on Adderall than off. For example, I finished my entire test with the regular 35 minute / section timing, but now I'm using the entire 53 minutes, and occasionally am not even finishing the section (though always on about the last question).
My theory is that this dose of adderall actually makes me feel too calm, and I don't have the (helpful) sense of urgency while not on it. Tomorrow I'll do an A/B test without adderall and will report back, but i'm wondering if any of you have experienced this?
I'm starting to think that Adderall is a great tool for studying, listening, being productive and calm, but also bad for intense test taking, creativity, or other tasks that could benefit from a small amount of anxiety that keeps us alert.
Thanks for reading!
**tldr: My adderall might make me a worse / SLOWER test taker, even though it's clearly working in other areas of my life. Any experience with this?** | ADHD |
I remember even when I was super young, I had this uber cool, "perfect" Mary Sue version of myself that I aspired to be because she was popular and was good at all the things. I didn't realize it at the time, but I'm pretty sure I was trying to imagine myself if I were neurotypical (or, how I percieved neurotypical-ness as a little girl that got her understanding of relationship dynamics from tween shows on Disney and Nickelodeon anyway). My imagination just made Alternative Universe NT Me impossibly cool and talented because, well, who doesn't want to be a super hero rock star?
I've come to accept myself for who I am a lot more over time, thankfully, but yeah, it's so weird to look back and think about how I basically aspired to be a fictional character for so long. | aspergers |
Today at work, I went into the bathroom with a box cutter. I’ve never harmed myself anywhere besides home before. Jt was on my mind all day, like an itch. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I NEEDED to do it. I did it, yet that itch hasn’t gone away. I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate being here, I hate being myself. I hate everything about life
Today I also purchased two boxes of Benadryl. I just can’t, maybe I’ll take them all to feel something. Maybe they’ll just sit in my drawer. I don’t know, I can’t get rid of this feeling I hate it.
I’m so tired | depression |
While I’m smart in other fields, my autism makes it harder for me at times to understand when someone is flirting on me or giving me signs. | aspergers |
Pls give me some strength because my medicine doesn't give me enough of that. I'm barely waking up. | depression |
And then I'll spend the rest of my day doing (or pretending to do) that fucking homework which at the end I probably won't even turn in cuz I forgot it at home or did it a week later.
But hey, at the end, if tomorrow is gonna be just as shitty as today, at least imma stay awake watching YouTube videos until I literally pass out at 4 am. | ADHD |
I (21M) got a diagnosis for ADD around 4 weeks ago.
Throughout my life I've struggled with a lot of aspects of living, even though I had a relatively small group of friends, a good academic record, and some (though very few) hobbies and passions until I went to university. I always thought that everyone struggles with the things I find difficult and that I was just lazy and stupid when I couldn't complete the simplest of tasks because of my lack of motivation and focus.
Until I was 18 I thought that everyone had racing thoughts and that my pattern of thinking was typical. When I realized this wasn't the case, I thought I was just "special" and really intelligent. Then as my degree went by I realized this wasn't the case either, from late assignments to half-assed projects, inability to secure internships and graduate placements, and so much more. My social life started to suffer slowly too, as I went from energetic and excited with my close friends to being quiet and reclusive whenever more than 2 people are in the same room as me.
When I got my diagnosis I thought, "now that I know the root cause of most of my problems, I can actually start to figure out how to make things better - how to make myself better". I was wrong, by researching how my condition affects me and my brain I realised that this isn't something I can just "fix". I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life.
I want to be motivated enough to start the work I need to do for uni and for my career. I want to be able to focus on a task that I need to perform well in for more than 30 minutes. I want to be able to stick to learning a skill or a topic for more than 2 weeks without getting bored of it. I want to actually be GOOD at even one thing, instead of just knowing the basics and nothing that's actually applicable. Even though I've been on ritalin for 3 weeks I still can't do most of these things.
I want to be able to converse normally with my friends, instead of making random associations and connections which no one understands, or finds annoying or weird. I want to be able to tell stories without losing people's attention and interest. I want to be able to control my emotions when a social situation doesn't go the way I expected it to, instead of removing myself because of the crippling anxiety and negative self-talk it causes.
I want to have a hobby or an interest which I can genuinely say gives me passion and purpose for more than a few weeks. I want to have a career plan which doesn't change every year. I want to actually know what I'm aiming for and what I want out of my life. I want to not have the constant anxiety of living below my potential. I want to know that I won't be homeless and poor because I can't stick to a job and get a steady income to support myself and my partner.
I want to be a neurotypical person living in a world built for neurotypical people. But I never will be, even with medication, therapy, and coping-strategies.
I'm jealous. I'm lost. I'm suffering from AD(H)D and desperately wish I wasn't.
Sorry and thanks for reading my brain dump. I really hope this gets at least a little easier. | ADHD |
Hi, ok I know the title sounds strange. Today I went fishing for the first time with my fiancé and friends. I thought we were going to do catch and release, also I didn’t really think about it too much. Anyways I’m with a friend and he is teaching me how to do it. He catches a fish and I see it squirming for its life and I scream “put it back put it back what are you doing” he gets on land and another person bangs the fish with a hammer and I totally freak out. Mostly internally although I did scream. I was shaking for two hours. I’m know what being triggered feels like and I know I was triggered. But I’m confused because my PTSD stems from sexual Assult so why would this trigger me? Does this happen to someone else? Something sooo different to what caused your PTSD triggering you?? Not understanding it causes a lot of anxiety for me. Thank you for reading. | ptsd |
I've been medicated with "as needed" for a while, but lately I've been taking them every workday and my doc just increased my dose because when I get home I am exhausted and crash fairly hard. When I am not on them, i feel fairly different and I start to doubt my need for them, have concerns that I'm just addicted to them, etc. When I am on them I have a bit more focus and I am FAR less easy to distract (useful because teacher) but, IDK how I really feel about this. I've got a lot of.mized feelings...
Also, jm having MAJOR sleep disruption. I tend to only sleep about 5 hours a night...
For reference, I'm on 100mg lamotrigine (mood stabilization, not for seizures) nightly, 30mg methalphenifate HCL in the morning (7am), and another 20mg in the afternoon (1pmish).
Is this just me still getting used to them? I've only been on them about 2-3 weeks.
I should add: I was diagnosed at 7, medicated till 15, then off meds until earlier this year at 36.
I think, I'm just looking to see how others feel in a similar situation. | ADHD |
How do you all deal with OCD anxiety about people getting mad at you? I avoid situations instead of speaking up because I'm terrified of confrontation and people being angry with me and it gives me OCD thoughts that I'm a bad person because I can't handle confrontation at all. | OCD |
This has happened to me in the past but I feel guilty and depressed | OCD |
before i begin, there's a lot of things that i'm supposed to be happy about right now. i got back into college after a year and a half of taking a break. my boyfriend is back from school but i can't spend too much time with him because of other personal issues. i'm at the three month mark before i finally get back to school and get to adopt a dog. just--i'm supposed to be happy and i'm just *not*. i just wish there was something, anything, to get me out of this hole that i'm in. i'm so tired of feeling so numb. and what sucks is that for the last like three months i've actually felt okay. i was pretty stable. but now i'm just back to this hole and i can't dig myself out of it. i can't sleep, and if i do i can't stay asleep. i can't enjoy anything. like right now i'm so lonely that i just wanna take my sleep aids so i don't have to deal with the silence. i just can't take it anymore right now. it's all too loud and too messy and i'm just over it. i forgot what this felt like almost. that's how good and stable i felt. but nope, not anymore. | depression |
Do you think OCD comes across as a messed up survival mechanism? | OCD |
hi, I was curious to see if anyone had the same struggle as me. when I try to find something to eat I get soo overwhelmed with looking at ingredients and trying to find a meal somewhere in there. not to mention there’s always the worry of calories, eating healthy, and actually executing the cooking part of the process. this leads to eating feeling like a task, me shoving it aside for later, and just a lot of food anxiety. I dred having to eat for the very reason of how anxiety inducing and just awful the experience is of find something to cook out of all the ingredients that I have, I used to resort to just eating out, but that now generates the same feeling as when I try to find something to eat at home. | ADHD |
I’m currently in the process of finding the right dose for me. Was getting on ok with 50mg but had to reduce down to 30mg because I ran out of meds before my new ones arrived.
Since dropping down I have felt incredibly irritable, I’ve hated being touched and noises have become unbearable. I am on the autism spectrum so I think I am probably over stimulated.
Has anyone else ever had this? Did anything fix it?
I’m also a few days away from my period but I never usually feel like this. Could it be making my pms worse? | ADHD |
Hi everyone,
I had a fight with my bf last week where I got triggered and attacked him verbally. We've only been dating for seven months. It was our first real argument I was drunk and waaaaay out of line. I had a hard month and I was coping by drinking and hiding that from everyone else (I know, if I drink when I'm sad, I'm gonna have a bad time) I didn't disclose that I was in a lot of pain and I was just trying to make everything perfect and easy for him and I denied my own needs and feelings in order to do that. We hadn't spoken about triggers or what it looks like when I'm triggered and I'm sure it freaked him out a lot. He still hasn't spoken to me after the fact but I'm hoping he will.
How have you talked to your SO about your triggers and how you behave when you're triggered? I don't want to seem like I'm excusing my behaviour, I very much take responsibility but I think it would be helpful for him to know that the response was a trigger response and that is why I was so forceful and mean. Then he would know that it wasn't his fault and that I wasn't trying to hurt him.
It was a big wakeup call for me too. I stopped drinking the next day and immediately started reaching out to friends and family again. The shame I was feeling about things before when I was hiding it is what caused me to stay silent and then blow up in the first place and I'm trying to be less ashamed and more honest about the many dark spots inside. It's fucking hard though.
So I guess the advice I want is how to navigate this convo with my bf without coming across as making excuses for myself or making him feel bad for saying the thing that triggered me. It is my fault because he didn't know that might happen and I want to convey that.
Update: he ghosted me after this. I waited two weeks and then broke up with him in a letter. I never got the chance to use all of the advice but will certainly carry it forward into the future. I also just got one month sober! Thanks everyone. | ptsd |
I obsessively pop everything i can. I have to pop my fingers 3 different ways, pop my shoulders several times, pop my back, toes, knees, ears, everything!
I can’t sleep because the whole night i have to constantly pop everything!! As soon as i get comfortable or begin to fall asleep i think about how i should get up and pop everything. and if i don’t i drive myself crazy and feel very uncomfortable until i do it.
And is it possible to have ear pain, migraines, and jaw pain from popping your ears? It hurts so badly but i can’t seem to stop, and i don’t know if that’s what is causing headaches & nausea.
Every 5 minutes i have to get up and pop everything at school, home, in bed, before i leave the bathroom, before i eat. And it’s so exhausting because it’s constantly on my mind & i can’t stop.
My jaw popping problem is the worst. My ears ache and my jaw feels awful. Everyday i have a headache and nausea. It gets worse when im anxious and i do it it repeatedly for hours. I take a lot of medication to try to force myself to sleep because that’s the only time i get a break. But now it seems like my medication doesn’t even work anymore.
It’s all i can think about and i can’t sleep at all, even if i take all of my medication and loads of melatonin. | OCD |
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[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/oyl7d0) | OCD |
So I’ve never started a thread on Reddit I’ve replied to some and I don’t have any social media accounts in my life despite being a millennial. I’m seeing a psychologist who has said that my behaviors and thoughts reflect an mild ASD behavior pattern. I have issues with relationships including communication with my family and showing empathy at times. I feel like I can empathize with book characters or people I read about in the news or see on tv but find it hard to relate to family and loved ones.
Moreover I have not had any friends since I was in high school. I have high social anxiety and am a high social monitor. I don’t like the idea of people getting to know me while at the same time I feel as though people think I’m weird and don’t want to get to know me because I’m so introverted. I find it hard to initiate small talk because I don’t care about the other persons interests or hobbies. On rare occasions I will have a genuine interest in someone. I’m comfortable not speaking and when I have to be near others in a crowd I become more aggressive and easily angered and I want people to know I have no interest in being near them by not acknowledging their existence. I have been married many years and seen my partners family maybe a handful of times before and on the wedding day but not since. I don’t want to have any relationships with them I barely have a relationship with my own extended family or even immediate family whom I text once every couple of weeks. There’s never a phone call even for birthdays or major events in my just a text back and fourth.
I struggle to this day with anxiety when it comes to intimacy connection empathy and sympathy
The weirdest thing is when my partner walks into a room I need a few seconds just to acknowledge them because I’m not ready to communicate. I have a hard time with the basics like hi and bye I don’t think it’s important to say them.
In general I have anxiety and depression but I also am ocd in some ways. I like repetition. This is a lot of info but if anyone can relate to this blather I would love a comment. At times I don’t know if I really am on the spectrum but a lot of my behaviors seem to match though not the more severe stuff. Sometimes I just don’t know who I am and I’m in my mid 30s. I shouldn’t be having these issues.
Thanks for reading | aspergers |
I been looking all over for a therapist in my area. No one SEEMS to be helping me. I looked all around town and people left shitty reviews on each one. I called my doctor, and they said to go look on health insurance card. I went to call and look for provider and THOUGHT i found the right one because it SAYS she specializes ocd and is Christian counselor. I have religious ocd. I called her, no answer. LEFT A message , never got back. CALLED the place she works at, NO answer. LEFT a message on page like they said, never got back. They got alot of therapists on their PAGE and REALLY No one can help me?
MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES MY ASS! IM SO TIRED AND I TRYING TO LOOK FOR HELP. I FEEL LIKE NO CAN HELP ME | OCD |
in the past i felt shame on anything so as a defense mechanism i decided to not care at all about what i say and i doesnt feel shame on nothing, is this normal? | OCD |
So kind of rant and no one will probably read this and that ok,
I need to move out in a few days and I have major executive function problems, and so so so much clutter and stuff I need to clean and organize in boxes and it’s just soooo much, it’s really hard and Stressful because I’m not allowed to take my meds if a couple of weeks and yeah it’s just so bad, I hate moving. | ADHD |
The necessary facts -
My (30s F) partner (30s F) hired a close coworker (20s F) to housesit (owned home) for us over the weekend ($100 total) as we have young animals. I got notifications from our front cameras that showed the girl (hired coworker) letting a random guy into our house at 1 am last night, then them leaving together at 9 am, then them coming back again and hanging out for a solid 5-6 hours before he left again.
She did not ask us at all about bringing anyone over let alone letting them sleep at our house. We don’t have a guest bed (just our son’s bed) so she’s sleeping in our bed (I’m totally grossed out that they had likely had sex in our bed).
Also, it’s covid and this person knows we are very weird about it. That’s a whole extra person I don’t know around my house. And our son has severe food allergies so we strictly told her not to bring any food into the house and we provided everything. This guy brought like a full nap sack, how do we know she conveyed this information...
I’m raging and want to rage on her when we get back home; my partner wants to just leave it and possibly not hire her again... am I just overreacting? My partner has like shut me off and won’t talk to me about it anymore.
Also - the ASD pertinent info,... many of you I’m sure understand but,.. my home is my safe haven. My son and I are both on the spectrum, and it’s the one place we feel safe. I don’t like anyone visiting our house. I also have moderate to severe contamination anxiety. Only trusted close friends and family come to our house.
I feel like she’s defiled it. I trusted her to care for it and I’m so appalled she brought someone I didn’t even know into my house.
And all of my stuff is there, all of my collections, art supplies, etc... I’m just mortified. And I worked so hard for that house... I was a teen mom and busted my ass for a decade to be able to provide what I provide. I still do. | aspergers |
I've had an interesting life so far. Been homeless, traveled a ton, speak several languages. Love long distance hiking, playing the piano, reading, writing. So, theoretically, I should not be this boring. But I am. Because it's not about the things you do or have experienced as so many people would like to make you believe. It's about how you act and talk. And I don't know! I don't know how to have engaging conversations, be spontaneous, say interesting things. I could jump out of an airplane and I'd still be boring. All the friends I've made over the past 10 years were either too stupid to see the boring me or too drunk to remember. Or they only liked me because I was drunk myself. Or because they wanted s\*x. No sober people want to be my friend unless I'm drunk!!! They straight up tell me to go drink some beers because I'm boring otherwise!!! So now I drink every time I go outside because I just KNOW no one is going to like me otherwise, because I always act like I have an enormous stick up my arse unless I've had a couple beers to loosen up.
I don't know how to change. The only thing that gets rid of my anxiety and enables me to actually be spontaneous and focus on the other person instead of "Am I stupid? Did I say something wrong? Do they still enjoy the conversation?" are alcohol and benzos. But I'm sick of drinks and pills just to have people want to talk to me! And no matter where I go and who I talk to it's always the same! I haven't made friends other than people who are addicted in 10 years. And it's not like I don't try! I volunteer, go out, talk to people all the time. Surround myself with sober people but it's all the same. They don't like me unless I'm drunk. I fucking hate myself. Sometimes I find myself wallowing in self pity but I'm sick of that too. How do I change?
EDIT: No one likes the REAL me. They like the drunk me because she's funny and energetic. But the real me? The quiet, calm, unfunny, boring me??? You seem angry, you're boring, go drink a couple beers is all they say. Wtf.
EDIT 2: and I just try too hard. I want to make friends SO BAD and it shows. It's so offputting. But how can I not? When I haven't made normal friends in a decade? How can I not act like a fucking hopeful puppy that's been home alone all day because I have? Been alone all day? Every day? For a decade??? How can I not act so desperate for friends when I literally am that desperate??? | aspergers |
I'm 17 and I've had depression ever since I was around 11 years old. I suffer from sexual assault ptsd. I have been trying really long and I feel like burned. I don't even know what to do anymore with myself. I'm lonely. Really lonely. I feel like I have no one who cares for me, no one who ever thinks of me and no one who loves me. I don't even like myself. Everytime I try to talk to anyone about my problems I hear that I just want attention. You only cry for help when you believe there is a help to cry for, and at the moment i really want to believe there is any help for me, but I can't help but feel lost all the way, alone, tired and just hopeless. please help me, I don't even know how to express mysel, I just want all of this nightmare to end, because I fear can't keep fighting much longer. | depression |
i have a big test soon but i had such a bad ocd episode recently that i can’t even work up the will to study. i’m so hopeless, i don’t think i can do anything but stay in bed ruminating and panicking. i’m such a failure | OCD |
Hello everyone,
I don’t know what else I can do.
First of all English isn’t my first language, but I still hope you can understand what I want to say.
It all started when I was 11 years old. My parents got a divorce and my whole world got flipped upside down. One day to the other the word family shattered into pieces.
It fucked me up really bad. I had severe psychosomatic issues like throwing up every night, abdominal pain, feeling of emptiness etc. I felt bad until I was with my dad.
Today I am 22 years old and I‘m fighting my depression. I moved across the country to study at the university but I never managed to find friends to connect with.
I always was the ambivert kind of guy with a hang being introverted.
I don’t have any interests beside from gaming and newly smoking weed. I work out from time to time but I am not disciplined enough to get it in my routine. All the activities that brought me fun don’t do it anymore. I feel like nothing really lifts up my mood. I stay Inside everyday and waste my time playing TFT and smoking weed.
I haven’t done anything for the university and I feel guilty everytime I see the tower of work stacked up. If I have the Impuls of getting started I always feel like there is some big heavy weight that immediately shuts me down and it sucks.
My ex boyfriend kinda abused me and it left me broken. Basically he was telling me he can’t have sex anymore but was meeting up with other guys on Grindr. Uff
I have chronic abdominal & urethra pain without any diagnosis. Doctor is telling me he can’t do anything more for me. It sucks
Everything just sucks. It doesn’t matter how hard I try not to I always manage to fuck everything up.
I feel so terrible unhappy in my skin. I always wished I was someone else.
Since I can remember I always thought things like „the world would be better without me“.
I think I‘m having some undiagnosed ADHD or some shit. I can’t sit still for a minute, I always need a thing to do.
My brain is constantly running on full gas mode and I can’t shut it down. Thought running around etc.
This year my dog got put down and I couldn’t be with him due to the pandemic. I still miss him so much every night. Even now I still tear up. Because things aren’t fucked up enough my cat died too this year. Both were my everything I grew up with, since the concept of family never existed to me. (Parents hate each other and played us against each other)
My head is a huge mess. I can literally feel the chaos in my head. I don’t think I can function like this for any long.
Suicidal thoughts are getting louder from day to day and I can’t stop them. I want to go so bad, but if I go now my little sister gets a trauma for live. I don’t want her to live what I had to live through. At least she deserve to grow up happy.
I can’t remember the last time I really laughed. If I laugh today it always feel like I have a second skin that shows my emotions to the outside but inside I feel nothing like emptiness and pain. It’s hard for me to not het caught up in my head and zoning out leaving my face completely without a single emotion.
In addition to all that I am a HSP and take everything personal. I feel like everything is my fault. I am tired of the world and how humans treat each other. It’s so sad to see that humans validate profit over everything leaving nothing but a fucked up planet.
I took antidepressants but they doubled up my abdominal issues so I stopped taking them.
My depression is blocking every try to reach out for therapy sessions.
TL;DR = My head is a big fuck up and it eats me from the inside
Thank you for reading to the end. | depression |
I am newly on (25mg) Staterra, and the first week was amazing. A little buzzy, a little energized, but now I am so draggy I can barely do anything. My executive dysfunction is off the charts. Sucks, since we are hosting Thanksgiving. Also, has anyone take Adzensyz *with* Staterra? I stopped the Adzensys because it made me moody and anxious, but I’m tempted to try again with the Staterra.
Thanks! | ADHD |
My colleagues infuriate me. One is totally incompetent. The other is full of herself. They both got me frustrated on Friday and I am also angry with myself for not handling the situation as I would have liked to....as usual.
This happened around 11:30 AM on Friday morning and all weekend I have been replaying comments and what went on in my head. Tonight, I can't sleep because Monday is approaching and I'm going to have to deal with these people all over again.
Is all of this constant thinking an OCD issue? I do have some sort of OCD (constant checking the stove and front door before I leave, afraid people thing I'm lying when I'm not) so I'm wondering if this is part of the OCD problem. | OCD |
Boy am i angry, scared and exhausted. I'm just sick of all of this to be honest.
Last week i got diagnosed with ocd by my therapist. Before our next session she had me write down my thoughts and what i did to make them go away and how they made me feel. I was dumb enough to do it.
I had quite the week, so i was really needing to go to therapy.
She sat me down and started going through that list of thoughts and what did i do to get rid of it, i never went through a harder thing than that. It was an hour of pure hell.
She made me doubt the things i did to make my thoughts go away and sort of pointed out how stupid they're. But they're the things that make me feel better and i never felt so robbed of safety as i did that day.
It was horrific and i just texted my family and Said I'm not going to therapy anymore.
What was that? Like I don't think she should've done that without a warning.
I have no better words to describe it than robbed. I feel robbed. | OCD |
Like, developing petty hatred for people for no reason at all.
In general, the story behind my hate is pretty...nuts.
Basically, there is a girl living with her parents above me. She must be around 14yo now. Met her when she was around 8yo. Meanwhile, I'm 4 years older, a college kid and a girl as well.
Like a lot of neighbours here, we never had a lot of contact. Never talked much. Still, it was pretty evident that she & her parents...well...I'd call them stuck up. They always seemed to kinda hate meeting everyone else. Ironic regarding they are a rainbow family, but yeah.
From the beginning there was hatred. The girl would eye me with a suspicious look. When I tried to make small talk she would always answer with these long answers, like I just asked her something weird. Except one time, when I asked her which secondary school she goes to next (context: we have different "levels" of SC, so that's a normal question) and she asked me in return where I went. She then scoffed at my answer and said that the school system is shit and that she goes to a [more or less private institution that's often outside the system].
Every interaction of ours became weird like that.
Someone stole her father's bike. She goes knocking around every door to ask if they took it. My father answers and she asks for me, staring at me, asking me directly if I took it.
We both leave the house. She intentionally throws the door, so it nearly hits me in the face.
However, the real knicker was the nickname case;
basically, I call little kids nicknames. Mostly stuff like "Kleine/r" (small fellow). This included her. One day, I'm tying my shoes when her mother comes up to me. You've seen these videos of Karens screaming at the manager? Yeah, while her daughter is hiding behind her back, this woman YELLS at me to stop call her "that". She makes it sound like I'm calling her black kid some slur, adding "She has a name, you know?". I'm not confrontational so I just weasel around "eh...I'm not good with names" instead of idk "Bitch! Sue me if you don't like it!"
I just felt so much anger afterwards... towards the mother yelling at me and this little shit hiding like a cowards instead of telling me herself.
It's so petty, I know. I'm dealing with a kid, and still I feel the urge to punch her, or kick her down the stairs when she walks in front of me. I have a violent past and she's constantly stirring it up when I have to see her | aspergers |
I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. I’m a very hygienic person. I shower every day/every other day and wash head to toe VERY thoroughly. I wash my hands ALWAYS after using the bathroom no matter what. I sanitize my hands with hand sanitizer when they feel dirty. I clean my phone all the time and sanitize my items all the time. When I use the bathroom, I wipe properly with baby wipes to completion and most of the time, I don’t get back into my bed unless I’ve showered. I do all these hygienic things, but for some reason I feel like I’m a dirty person and I don’t know why. | OCD |
After a day of oversleeping, skipping responsibilities, and being so scared of myself and the outside world that I refuse to leave my room, I feel like im exploding, imploding, breaking down, and having a manic episode all at once.
My life has now degraded into waking up, skipping all of my college classes, only going to work 8 hours a week because otherwise i'd get fired, and spending most of my time alone dreading how I let myself get to this point. I absolutely despise the person I am and spend every waking moment wondering if the people im talking to have noticed it yet. Im in my third year of college and have done jack shit because im so insecure and feel like everywhere i go i'm wearing a massive neon sign screaming "IM A FUCKING PATHETIC LOSER, DON'T EVEN BOTHER LOOKING IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION". I'm lucky that the roommate I moved in with has introduced me to their friend group and I have things to do on weekends because otherwise I know for certain I'd be 6 feet deep in a fuckign grave.
I hate myself, I hate that hating myself has made me an angry hateful person, and I hate that its preventing me from doing the things I want to do. I feel like i'm not even worth a therapists' time. Like they have more important people to help than some loser who wouldn't be able to muster the courage to talk to a stranger even if he was choking to death.
I hate that I can't get over a traumatic breakup from TWO YEARS AGO that initiated this descent into patheticness. I know I'll never amount to anything, and I really would be doing the world a favor if I jumped headfirst out my window. There is no saving me. I. Give. Up. | depression |
When I tell my my family I need time to myself, they think the more time I spend with them the better it will be for me. They insist on meeting up or talking on the phone. And then if I do answer the phone, they tell me what I should do to start feeling better. Every time I have to listen to them, I zone out and think about scenarios that I die. I don't actively do it. I just realize while it's happening. I get so anxious when they call me or when we meet up. I'm not sure why it triggers me so much.
I just wish they would realize how much it disrupts my day or even week. I might be having a better day and all I need is to get a call and the anxiety hits. I don't know what this sounds like to anyone else. Maybe I'm just crazy, or crazier than I thought | depression |
I’ve heard that these resources can be really helpful for things like managing daily tasks and routines, dealing with the days where you hit that ADHD wall, and basically helping create a “manual” for how to do life. I’m hoping some users on here can provide feedback from their personal experiences or thoughts.
Thanks in advance! | ADHD |
I’ve been driving for 40+ years and today I had a revelation, I think that certain autistic traits help me when I drive
My theory is based on two things
1) my ability to consciously process massively larger amounts of sensory input as compared to non-Autistics, who mainly process it sub-consciously, so I spot things like people or animals near the roadside, vehicles which could be a threat, road surface changes.
And because these mainly stay in my conscious mind, I can react quicker
2) my ability to hyper focus, while I’m driving under normal circumstances I can also be doing other things, singing along, talking (either to a passenger or myself).
But if something happens, like a person or another vehicle crosses in front of me, etc. I can crank up my hyper focus and put all my mental reserves into the immediate threat, often completely forgetting what I was doing before. | aspergers |
Ok so let me say I haven't been diagnosed because of uncertainty, I have harmful thoughts, I have sexual thoughts, and plenty of more less stressful and less debilitating thoughts, well I obsess over these and they do have compulsions, idk how to tell my family about these things because I already tried to ask my dad about it and he said be careful they might lock you away (because that's what they did to my grandma when she tried to k**l herself.) so he for sure wouldn't want me seek help, that and my family are Christians and the whole sexual thoughts have to do with being gay or getting r****d, does anyone have any advice on how to tell people or even tips to deal with this. Idk I'm young man (just turned 20) and have dealt with some of these thoughts for a while but it's gotten worse recently I have no clue where to start. | OCD |
I have this weird issue with women that started after my ex was liking spread eagle naked only fans girls online and it just really surprised me and scared me because he REALLY a was not the type to do that kind of thing and i assumed he wasn’t into ginormous fake tits. Anyways he said when we were together that he just was looking at them because he saw them on a show which i knew deep down was bs but because i have OCD it gave me re assurance and relaxed me for a lil bit. Fast forward to breakup i brought it up again and he did a complete 360 and said the girls were hot and the girls he’s hooked up with since our breakup “had big tits, just like the online girls” which is so weird considering he comes from a conservative Indian family and it just really freaked me out how you can’t really know anyone . I started getting intrusive thoughts at work of him having sex with her or naked women doing sexual stuff to the point i legit quit my job . Seems kinda stupid now but holy moley at the time i was STRESSED. Shortly after i caught my dad watching porn and saw his mates sending multiple naked pics of women on his phone saying first option and shit which again is really hard for me to stomach considering that i live in a affluent area and my parents raised me at a strict catholic school and seemed to really value trust n shit like i just cannot fathom it. Anyways it lead to me having an issue with women to the point where i became agoraphobic … NO CAP . how stupid is that?!
I genuinely feel like without OCD i’d be such an easy going gal but for 6 MONTHS i couldn’t leave my house and was getting worse every day . I legit even got scared of seeing the news lady’s on TV a that’s how stupid my ocd was. Fast forward like another 6 months i’m working my dream job, found a great guy that accepts my mental stuff and is so perfect for me and am GENIUNELY a for the first time in my life making better friends, upping my style, throwing myself into makeup, design and other lil side hobbies like tech BUT i just had another situation with my dad and him getting more weird texts from his friends. i know it has nothing to do with me, i just get so much anxiety when people surprise me in a bad way and i just hate it . Like i’ve gotten to the point where i’m going to the beach this weekend with a group of girls and i’m kinda scared but just a shitty time for my dad to make me feel like this again | OCD |
So, I have a pretty bad misophonia overlap with my other sensory issues. The sounds of people chewing make me want to throw my head through a window, like, Rip it off and toss it as hard as I can sort of throw it. To try and cope I've been avoiding people eating whenever I can during the day, like eating breakfast before everyone or leaving when someone starts cooking.
Family dinners, however, are absolutely unavoidable. I've been really fidgety and stim a lot to try and deal with the sounds of it in the past, but I guess my parents really didn't like me tapping on the table or shaking my leg. My mom jokingly suggested that maybe I should get a fidget spinner after our conversation with my grandparents about the autistic kid they're taking care of. (I'm self-diagnosed after a LOT of research and going back and forth, please don't judge based on that.) She meant it as a joke, but I took her seriously cause I didn't realize that at first. I've been trying to use the quieter fidgets on the cube but it seems like the only one that drives that god-awful sound of my mom chewing (she's the worst trigger, her mouth makes so much saliva that dentists have commented on it) but it's really upsetting to my family apparently.
Last night my dad sat me down and had a 'conversation' about how I need to find better coping mechanisms otherwise the world will chew me up and spit me out, even though the conversation was really just about how it's annoying to HIM and he doesn't want to find ways to cope or anything. My parents said that I can take my time (ish) weaning off the fidget, but that I need to find some smaller way of stimming that isn't distracting or upsetting or nervous-looking "just like we do."
So far the only other things that have worked for me are covering my ears really aggressively and rubbing my hair against them, hitting myself, scratching my hands till they bleed, aggressive tapping of the table, and the fidget. I need some ideas for things to try that won't get me weird looks or another lecture from my parents because I HATE those, I instinctively get panicky and suddenly I can't express my point without crying, it's horrid. Any suggestions are helpful, thank you so much. | aspergers |
Does accepting uncertainty also pertain to things that may or may not have happened in the past? I see a lot of posts about accepting the uncertainty of the future but what about those who dwell far too much about the past? | OCD |
I feel pretty confused and lost after my meeting with my therapist today. I started therapy last September because I lost my partner last May and I was in such a bad state that I thought I'd need to do something and seek professional help.
It's not my first therapy, I had two before because of anxiety disorder and depression. Now this therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I was sexually abused as a child and lost already three of my closest family members, so the loss of my partner triggered the worst of the worst in me.
Today for the first time I wanted to talk about my childhood abuse and my therapist just told me I was very past focused mentally and canceled this topic. Another time when I wanted to talk about my grief he told me to look to my past and try to find out where I felt similar when I was younger.
I just find this so confusing. It's the second time I try to open up to a therapist (didn't talk about the abuse in my first therapy) but it seems like this topic gets avoided. I brought this topic up today because I had a dream of the person who abused me three nights ago and this lead me to experience flashbacks and sleepless nights afterwards. I'm also feeling quite tired honestly on the thought of fighting to get heard by a therapist when it's already very hard to talk about this to anyone at all and I'm just not sure what to do now. I'd appreciate any advice. | ptsd |
Perfection is bullshit. My OCD said that by following it I'll reach perfection. And the perfection was eliminating everything slightly imperfect in IT'S eyes through hate and horrible auras and images so I'd hate those things and everyone who liked those things which is everyone. Trying to attain perfection though is likely building a building that is good enough to live in and be happy in but you continue to build it till you achieve perfection, but you never achieve it so you spend your whole life lusting over and building to something impossible till it falls flat on you and you have less then what you had before you started building. Instead you should be happy with what you have. I get that I am a rare case indeed and most OCD's win over their targets with threats and not promises, though to me and my OCD not being perfect was worse then being a pedophile and such sick shit so it' similar so it's still threats but if someone anyone has such OCD as I had remember this.
Life forged in hate is a worthless life, instead always try to love things and people until you are proven that you shouldn't. Antigone said "I was born to love, not to hate" be like Antigone. OCD doesn't get this, it's weak and that is why it's hate and why it wants to bring everyone down to it's level of nothingness and hate. Broken people break others, I am guilty of this as well but I fixed myself and started being a light again instead of spreading unnecessary darkness and hate.
You DO deserve to be happy cause my OCD also said this to me a lot, that I don't deserve to be happy till I am perfect and till I've done everything it said to do but I DID deserve it and you to have anyone whose here has deserved to be happy to use the opportunity of being born to be happy, it's not to late you deserve to fuck your OCD and hang it and beat if for every second of your life wasted for nothing.
I finished my battle way back when and am living the best life cause I don't need anything but my brain being free to have the time of my life yes I don't need success, friends to have happiness only myself and you can too be free. Good luck in your battles soldiers (:
Oh and don't hate people that discredit your OCD as you being spoiled or idiots like my dad did to me not that I am defending them and saying it's fine to say those things to people who feel Hell but you must understand to outsiders it really looks dumb what OCD people do and so unreal they can't comprehend it Hell to me the victim of OCD what ones seemed so real and true now looks like a joke and I wonder how I ever thought that shit was legit. And hate is as I already said not good even when justified the close people that say this could also try to convince you to quit OCD like this, they don't get that OCD doesn't care about logic still they aren't your enemies just bad teammates, the only enemy is your OCD and it loves convincing you it's your friend and others are your enemies but that is NOT true. Also if you hate your OCD grows stronger so there's that. I live such a better life ever since I quit hate. | OCD |
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