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Like my friends can laugh and make derisive comments about the kind of person I was in middle school before I started hardcore masking but the fact of the matter is that was probably the most authentic version of myself that's ever existed. What they see of my outward personality is a homunculus created to be as personable and inoffensive as possible, and they have no real way of knowing that. Even I don't really know what my real personality is anymore.
I've started to ask about what I understand to be my "odd perspectives" and "weird hangups" to see if any of my (presumably) NT friends can relate and overwhelmingly they can't. It sucks, knowing that other people think you're weird because of things beyond your conscious control that really shouldn't even matter anyway. Like, "I'm so sorry I need to have my ice cream in a separate bowl instead of on a plate with my cake, you're totally justified in thinking less of me as a person because if that, oh infallible human blessed with normal brain chemistry."
Anyway, I'm just sick of living so inauthentically to fit in, only to feel like an outcast anyway because of the things I can't easily suppress. Thoughts and opinions are always appreciated. | aspergers |
I've tried concerta 18 36mg with barely any increase in focus only the side effects after like 3 hours of Zoning out and feeling like a zombie.
I'm not on elvanse/vyvanse tried 20mg and seen a very small Increase in my ability to focus but again after a few hours I feel like my old self and sometimes worse.
I've tried 40mg and it's the same experience.
Is it possible that my body just doesn't like the slow release tablets, maybe my body is breaking it down too fast? I have no idea if this is even a thing.
I'd appreciate input from anyone.
Cheers. | ADHD |
I think most ADHD’ers have this thing but it’s almost become a personality trait of mine
I have a TON of shit in my room. A skateboard, boxing gloves, endless art supplies, sewing kit, piano, electric guitar, knife throwing kit etc and that sounds pretty normal, just casual interests
But i just can’t keep any of them or passions longer than 2 weeks
I saw a movie where they were boxing, made my mum get me boxing gloves and sign me up for lessons, I got bored on my second session and haven’t used the gloves in 5-10 months.
I watched fucking Cruella and bought a shit ton of fashion template books and design supplies and did it once. ONCE. I have not used them since
I mean I watched Black Swan and quite literally bought myself pointe shoes off Amazon thinking I was a natural ballerina but haven’t done ballet since the age of 6..
I got a bloody electric guitar for Christmas and wanted to be in a band.. I played it once, couldn’t do it amazingly straight away obviously, got impatient and it’s just sitting in the corner of my room collecting dust
and then I get hyper-focuses
I binge read a thick book (600+ pages in 2 days) and I will not do anything until I finish the book.. I starved myself once because I chose to focus on a book instead of um… eating?
It’s like black and white, no in between.
Either it’s intensely boring or I won’t fucking stop until it’s done, and if anyone bothers me I get angry so it’s like
And this isn’t just a casual issue, it’s pretty worrying. How am I supposed to have a career when I’m older?
I want to be a psychologist, but also a firewoman, but also a designer, but also a movie director, but also a forensic scientist, but also a behavioural analyst, but also an English professor, but also just a plain old house wife, or an artist…
how am I supposed to pick a profession when I want to do everything
this is my biggest issue right now. I just get so bored with everything and it’s actually pretty tiring not staying consistent
please give me advice on how to deal with this!! | ADHD |
I need hope. I’m depressed but I want to get through it. My dad passed away when I was 15, and I’m 23 now. I still suffer with it every day. Ive gone to therapy. Ive been not depressed. I go in and out of it. But I just need some help this time. It’s different now. I was alone before. I live with my boyfriend and our bunnies, kazoo and bunny girl now. I need to get through this for them. Give me hope please. I cant let them down | depression |
example: I'm having a terribly hard time waking up lately. today I forced myself out of bed on time and got a workout in before work, and wow, it felt 1000x more amazing than when I lay in bed snoozing my alarm... but I know that tomorrow I'll again struggle hard to get out of bed even though I know I will feel great when I do. the same goes for finishing an assignment on time once but then not having the motivation to not procrastinate again even tho logically I know I'll be better off finishing it. that "do a habit for 21 days and then it'll feel weird to not do it" shit never worked for me :(
another example: I keep repeating the same mistakes at work and feel ashamed when someone says "I told you this already". I'll take notes during meetings/instructions and lessen my mistakes that way, but if someone says something in a passing comment ( say I'm doing a task and the first time I do it with someone, they say "oh on step 5 make sure to check this box" I feel like can't sit and write down every single thing like that someone tells me, they're gonna be like "just remember it lol") I will forget it the next time and when the task is messed up, it won't even strike me that the reason it's messed up is because I didn't check the box.
first examples feels like an executive function issue, second one idek, it's just frustrating. anyone else felt this way before? | ADHD |
I feel like my anxiety/ocd just makes pointless “connections” that don’t really work to stir up my anxiety. It’s just a bunch of what if questions. And it’s so hard when these what if’s involve loved ones and people in my life | OCD |
I tried to throw a small Halloween get together with my friends, and while everyone showed up, one of my friends who is going through marriage troubles/pending divorce was really distant and not really happy to be there or interacting.
Prior to everyone arriving my other friend got there early and we were just talking, and he mentioned how he was pretty tired due to worrying over my other friends mental health. He is having a rough time in his marriage due to both partners having stressful jobs and college studies, and they seemingly have grown apart and agree things aren't working.
I told him that I am concerned too, but sorry if I don't show it or sound too interested in discussing it. I am far too emotionally drained myself to even begin to have concern for others and I am struggling just to maintain some semblance of my own mental health.
I doubt I'd be able to even help in a productive way.
Though the rest of my friends wanted to party, we were kind of dancing around my other friends negative mood and didn't play board games or eat much of anything. He left a couple awkward hours later to spend time at home.
I feel bad because I genuinely cannot summon concern for others right now because I don't have the energy. And I also guess that I am selfish in thinking maybe his issue isn't as big as it seems, and that my issues are bigger etc. As terrible as it sounds I am jealous in an odd way.
Everyone is so concerned for him, showing him lots of support when I have been struggling for months now, with a lifelong debilitating mental disorder. Three months ago my world came crashing down and I was about to hospitalize myself and I got the help I needed. But hardly anyone batted an eyelid when I shared my diagnosis.
OCD isn't something they can see or really understand, but I have been trying to claw my way out of the depths of despair and no one seems to notice or care. My father knows something is deeply wrong and expresses his concern, but my mother dances around the issue.
I have not heard one "I'm sorry your going through that, that sounds terrible" from anyone but my father.
The lack of concern hurts. | OCD |
God has given me everything i need to be happy.
I know i'm very blessed. But my negative thought have overcome me and i can no longee take it to the point that EVERYTHING IRRITATES ME. i can no longer sit with myself for 2 seconds. I'm considering suicide | depression |
The title says it all.
I want to be part of the group, but I don't care about the individuals. I really don't want people, sometimes I spend time with them because of networking and I think it's a good idea, but they're mainly tools for me. (Not that I am harming anybody, I am very much against it)
Is this how you have it as well? | aspergers |
I just started Strattera at 40 mg, and took it for the first time today. I had to leave work because I felt nauseated to the point of vomiting, lightheaded, and generally weird.
I know these are common side effects, but this isn’t something I can experience every day and be able to function—I’m truly miserable. Do the side effects go away with time? Is there anything I can do to help with them for the time being?
I don’t want to give up on the medication before seeing the positive effects, but if these side effects don’t go away soon I think I’ll have to. | ADHD |
A celebration and a fk moment.
I've been working really hard to manage my finances and credit junk and this month I hit a milestone where not only was my credit card payed up on time for the last three months, my credit score finally increased to a green zone AND the cc company upped my limit!
The funny part? I've never been able to keep track of my cc, and often have to replace it because I dropped it somewhere or forgot to put it away, you know, the ADHD fuckery of it all. BUT IT GOT DECLINED BECAUSE IT REACHED AN Expectation ON DATE NOT BECAUSE I LOST IT.
so that's like a whole cool thing. The oh fuck moment? I lost the replacement card in my un-tackeled mess of a desk.
Idk this post was all over the place, but maybe someone else can see the humor and success in this, my dumb ADHD life 🤣 | ADHD |
I just moved out of a severely toxic household and am recovering from and processing basically everything that has happened to me throughout my childhood. I have been seeking therapy and told that since I’m only a few months into my new home (I’m living with other family), I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself for not being able to function, especially because a lot of small things still trigger me (ex; footsteps ). I feel guilty because it’s been really hard to change/understand I’m safe and I haven’t been taking care of myself as well as I want to, everyday chores and activities has also been hard. For my birthday recently one of my family members helped me clean up my depression room, and I’m really thankful that they’re understanding and kind, but does anyone have any advice on making steps to be able totally least function a little better? | ptsd |
like let me describe what it is. its like a ocd but it mostly only relates to comercial things, like a game console or controller, or even a game or movie. so for example I had a ps5 a few months ago. I say had because I sold it after a week because my ocd made me constantly worry it was broken and I couldn't enjoy using, it even thou in the first 2 days I was really enjoying the console. I plan to buy it again (when I find it in stock again lmao) now that I'm on medication and seem to have more control of my ocd generally. I think this happening to me for the long run was probably a good thing since this event is what made me realize I had ocd and lead me to seek therapy and such, but i feel like i dont hear about this "material" ocd alot. i guess it might be more accurate to say it affects things i enjoy since it also effects games or movies i liked alot and formed some emotional connection to. for example, persona 5. its my favorite video game and second favorite piece of media genreally, but my ocd fores me to question its quality alot and this has lead me down so really depressing rabbit holes, which i guess lead me to see the game from fun stylish jrpg with cool characters and nice music to the deepest social commentary in video games since metal gear solid, which isn't necessarily a bad thing being able to see alot of the symbolizm is nice but the journey i had to take to get to that conclusion was exhausting took a month of rumination and was incredibly depressing. now 7 months later I realize, along with alot of other similar episodes to that and the ps5 one that it was all a part of my ocd and with medication I feel much better now, but i guess i just wanted to ask if these sort of obsessions are commen? | OCD |
Tbh I feel like I should’ve tapped out a long time ago. Certain people are meant to be alive and happy and thriving and then there are just people like me who should just bow out gracefully. If anyone has a tip on how I can just go out with some over the counter meds that would be great. I’ve felt like this since I was 11. Life and God keeps telling me this isn’t for me so I think it’s best to listen. | depression |
I go through weeks of time where I have really bad ptsd symptoms, and then every once in a whole there’s a week or 2 where my symptoms almost go away. I’ll just be fine suddenly. On top of that, now that I’m doing better, I can’t. sleep. It’s just like trading one thing for another.
I’m gonna try a sleep aid tonight but I haven’t had any decent rest in days. I’m really frustrated because I feel exhausted but somehow my body still can’t fall asleep. Anyone else have this? | ptsd |
This is probably one for the medical pros although I thought that some fellow ADHDers may have got a grasp on the science in a more relatable way.
Many drugs for ADHD work on both the dopamine and norepinephrine systems - I believe both the stimulants and Wellbutrin, which is an NDRI.
While I'm sure this is massively over simplifying the science, I've always struggled to understand why we need more of both neurotransmitters.
What would happen, for instance, if docs attempted to treat ADHD with a med that only worked on dopamine? Just trying to make sense of all this! | ADHD |
You may come on here and see a bunch of people who are suffering, and that’s true. We are all suffering. But we can all suffer together. The longer I’m on here the less isolated I feel, and I’m not trying to promote reassurance, but I am trying to promote this community. If you are struggling, you can come here! Because no matter how alone you feel, you aren’t, it’s likely that there’s someone out there who is going through what you are going through, and they could be right here for you (and you could be right here for them). | OCD |
I just want to say thank you for this community. I've had really bad ocd for past few month now and I've gotten so much advice and help from its members. Thank you everyone | OCD |
I don't even think I was acting that abnormally, and I have been trying to work on my social skills. Being a single aspie sucks | aspergers |
I can’t dream for better.
I am unable to find anything satisfying even in an idea or imagination.
I used to dream of leaving the world and entering a better existence.
Even that has left me.
I get nauseous at the thought of waking up.
No peace
No love
No life
No death
Stuck in the middle of the very bowels of hell.
No comfort
No escape
There is no meaning to this post that I wish to convey.
Encouragement is discouraged it means nothing to me at this point.
I was given a mind meant to experience the worst this life has to offer.
It disgusts me that I will enter another year of life in a couple days. | depression |
i was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8, I am now 29. I have used Adderall this entire time, which helps only some symptoms, but not some of the most important ones. I never even knew about what ADHD actually does, only about the part where i get distracted sometimes. Only this year I learned that EVERY FUCKING STRUGGLE IN MY FUCKING LIFE IS BECAUSE OF ADHD, GODDAMNIT. I have always just assumed that i had bad habits or was a dumb manchild that cant grow up and be productive. I didnt know that my shitty brain literally cannot do the things that allow productive behavior. And then theres all the other ways it fucks with me. However the one thing, the one torment I hate beyond all others is executive dysfunction (ill call this ED from now on).
I desire more than anything else in the world to be an artist. This desire is my reason for living. The only thing i really want in life is to express myself through art, and I have the time and the talent to do it. All I need is to dedicate that time to routinely to developing the talent so that I can do more. And that is where the ED becomes a severe and insurmountable problem. I almost always want to be drawing and improving, but wanting something almost never translates into action, no matter how much i want it to. That is the problem. On a "good" month i may create 2 drawings. I want to do more than that and I believe that I could if I knew how to break through this barrier.
Even when I do sit down and try to draw, anything can stop me dead in my tracks. If I hit any kind of road block, (not knowing how to plan out the image, not having the right reference material, not knowing how to do a certain thing, not having music or a podcast prepared ahead of time to keep me from thinking while i work) then I will almost certainly stop, get distracted by something, and never come back to continue working. I know that all I need to be better with this is to plan each thing ahead of time and have everything prepared before I start, but then I dont do those things either.
This is of course only one example of how ADHD and ED specifically make my life so fucking difficult. I don't want to bog anyone down with everything else that I struggle to do. The main thing is that pretty much everything in my life is like this. I probably should mention though that I also am diagnosed with high-functioning autism which probably just makes the ADHD worse. Autism for me is not a serious problem, I've learned very well how to manage it, so I don't worry much about it.
On the upside it feels good to know that my lack of achievement in life is not my fault. On the downside it now feels even more impossible to move forward and be what I want to be. The emotional toll that these problems take is huge, even if I now know the name of those problems. I want to be more than what I am now. I believe I can be more, if only I could find a way to do it. So far my attempts have failed. It matters a lot to me to find a way to be more productive as an artist. It is what gives a sense of meaning to my life. I must find solutions.
I've tried to create schedules in the past, but those efforts fell apart before I even finished writing the schedules. Making reminders doesn't do much either. I am constantly and acutely aware of what I should be doing and when I should be doing it, but I still cant make myself do things anyway. In fact, I normally cant stop thinking about what I should be doing and even so i still sit around and do nothing. Im not sure what to do, and feel that even if I knew I would still struggle to act on it.
TLDR: I learned that my brain sucks in a way I didnt know about. I want to do art very much, but ADHD happens and kills my progress. I don't know how to be better about this. | ADHD |
Hi my name is Exekias. I have been struggling with depression for a long time (3 years). When my depression first started, I was obese, pre-diabetic, fatty liver on top on having severe self-esteem issues. I would burn and cut myself constantly. The only part of my body that does not have scars is my face and the bottom of my feet. Near bottomed out, a couple months ago after a massive professional loss. Now I lost weight, I have made friends I am in better environment. I have stopped self-harming as well. I workout 4 times a week and eat alot healthier. I try to be good to the people around me even if it burns me.
I still hate myself and I don't know if it will ever go away. Will it ever go away? | depression |
I tried Coffee for the first time in months. And my Pure OCD is f***ing 80% lessened. Wtf is going on. Does coffee help anybody else???? | OCD |
I was daydreaming yesterday, and I thought about a school that would have students that were all on the spectrum, staff that were all on the spectrum, and programming and classrooms that would be sensory-friendly and fun with all matter of equipment for sensory breaks, social breaks, stimming, etc. I realize there would be plenty of challenges, but the overall idea is a place for people where autism doesn't need to be explained and "adapted" to by NTs who, try as they might, can't understand neurodivergency fully when they aren't neurodivergent. That is not to say NTs can't be helpful. Of course there are people who do all they can in their power to be allies to the neurodivergent. It would just be nice to have a place where autistics didn't feel like an outsider.
So my question for all those who have gone through traditional school systems is: Would you have wanted to attend this school if you got a choice to go through school again, or would you still prefer the traditional modes of education? Why/why not? | aspergers |
I have always considered myself to have a dark/wicked sense of humour. I was diagnosed only recently at 30 (1-2 years ago). In hindsight, I can think of several occasions where I thought I just had an inappropriate sense of humour. So this is my problem to work on for sure.
However... sometimes I hang out with people who say several things that are annoying / i consider to be inappropriate and I just let it slide. But then I say one joke or slightly sly comment they don't like and they get all sooky. For example, I know a dad that likes to comment on everything/anything about my daughter.... conversely I dont comment on his daughter except when she said she wanted to hang out with my partner (who gives her lots of attention) rather than go home to mum (who we barely see interacting with her own child - but whatever, none of my business)... I joked 'poor mum' and he got really upset. We have different parenting views clearly... This is a pretty specific example, particularly for people without kids, but still...hopefully ppl can relate. | aspergers |
First of all, IT WORKED. I did get my medication but it was a pain in the butt trying to get it on time. Or just getting it, altogether.
Delivery service: Optum RX.
Insurance: United Healthcare (HMO employer plan, shitty coverage, it only covers preventive care but somehow, I got a discount on the medication).
State: Florida
Delivery method: Mail, via USPS (signature required).
Amount: 3-months supply, Adderall 10mg tab, twice a day (that’s 180 pills).
Cost: $75 for the medication + $12 expedited delivery fee (I will explain).
Reason for doing this: I traveled with my spouse to another state for 3 months because of his work, while I work remotely. My doctor and my insurance are both registered in FL, and trying to get another doctor to fill my prescription in this other state and small town was going to be very, very difficult and expensive.
Would I do it again? - Maybe. Maybe not.
The details:
Thank God I had been skipping some pills over the weekend, so I had enough to last me. Basically, I was supposed to refill on Nov 18th. My doctor submitted the prescription to their online platform on Nov 3rd BUT she chose the processing date for Nov 16th, when in reality, she could have chosen the 12th, according to Optum RX (the earliest refill date). Keep in mind their online platform sent my automated emails saying I was going to get the medication on Nov 9th, but this was not true. They go off of the refill date the doctor has selected, and it doesn’t show in the emails or their member profile.
From there, Optum RX didn’t process it until the 16th in the afternoon, and when I called, they told me they would deliver it between the 21st and 24th (mind you, this is with USPS and the 21st was a Sunday, so no mail that day). UNLESS, I paid an additional $12 fee, for expedited shipping. Then, I would get it between 24-48hrs. Fine, I paid the extra. It took more than 48hrs, it ended up arriving on Saturday 20th (it was coming to FL from CA).
From there, someone NEEDS to be there to sign in person for the package. I enrolled on USPS text and email notifications, and they said the package would arrive by 6:45pm on Saturday. Went out at 2pm to run a quick errand, and sure enough, the package was “attempted to deliver” at 2:30pm and they just left a note in the mailbox.
So, I had the option to re-schedule delivery for another day, or to pick it up at the local USPS office. I chose to go on Monday 22nd to the office.
Come Monday, I show up at 11am, and they tell me the package is not there. That whenever I miss a package, I do not need to reschedule, that they will automatically try again the next business day. I show them my emails that say the package SHOULD BE THERE at their office, they called the mailman that covers my route, he wasn’t working that day so he didn’t know either, and finally the supervisor of that USPS office came, searched on their system, and did find the package at their office. I had to show them my ID and it had to be the same name on the package for them to give it to me, so no one else could have picked it up in person at the office, for me. Someone else can actually sign for it, if it’s just being delivered to the house. I recently changed my name after getting married, and the medication was processed with my maiden name, which was different from the one in my ID. Thankfully, I had brought my marriage certificate and old ID as well, when I went to pick up.
So, there you have it! The most UNFRIENDLY ADHD experience to get 3 months worth of medication. But it worked. Would I do it again, on a consistent basis? I’m not sure, only if I need to. Dealing with the Optum RX customer service reps to try to work out the processing and delivery times was also a hassle, their call centers are based off of India and two of the three people I spoke to didn’t even know how to spell Adderall, or that it was a controlled substance. They were giving me the fax number for regular medications center, so my doctor would send it there. Turns out controlled substances are processed at a different Optum RX center, with different address and different fax number. Because of this, there were multiple phone calls and wait times in between.
I ended up finding [a link I sent to my doctor](https://professionals.optumrx.com/content/dam/optum3/professional-optumrx/resources/pdfs/Successfully_Submitting_a_Prescription_to_OptumRx.pdf), that included all the instructions on how to submit a digital controlled prescription to OptumRX, and I basically walked her through the process (videocall appointment), so she wouldn’t have any excuse on why she couldn’t do this for me.
The bottom line is, nor the doctors, the insurance, or the mail pharmacy themselves are very knowledgeable on how to do this, but it can be done if you put your all into it and follow up with all parties involved.
Bonus info: I was afraid to travel through 3 airports with 180 pills in my suitcase, but after talking to the airline, they confirmed it could go on my carry-on suitcase. I also included the paperwork that comes with each refill, just in case TSA had questions. No one said anything. | ADHD |
What if it doesnt work? What if I cant put in the work to better myself? What if its too hard? | depression |
I tried. I really tried my best. In a span of a year, i was in a hospital, got an MRI in hope maybe this will answer the question of why am I like this. I never missed any appointment of my therapy even though I often was on 1% of my energy. I never once missed taking my medications. My memory is gone, i feel like my IQ dropped to zero, my motivation is gone, but i still tried. What hurts is that it wasn't a hard job and i still failed.
Now I don't know what to do. I don't have any family, I've gone NC with them because of abuse of every kind. I thought that if i will cut them off everything will be ok. But it seems that trauma doesn't go away that easy.
Any unemployment or benefits won't cover even 1/3 of my expenses ( I'm not from US). But if i had one wish I wouldn't wish for money. I would wish for my full mental health recovery so i could be independent, healthy and maybe start a small business from hobbies that i would pick up. Or at least had the ability to keep a normal job.
On 3rd of December I'll be having an appointment with a psychiatrist. I will spend a large part of my last money on this. I'm not a religious person but i pray that he will prescribe me something that will work and make me a fully functioning healthy person. That's all I dream of. That and maybe to never be like anyone in my family.
I know it's a long vent but... I really loved that job. It was the best job I've ever hard. I loved every part of it. And I feel like I'm grieving, because it was a small project and i will never find something like this, ever. I will never find a job where i will feel so good, waking up in the morning and not dreading going there.
So there goes my stability. And many other things. | depression |
I'm so annoyed. I can only do things in a specific environment.
I can only do school work when I'm at school, even then it's still hard but because of the school setting I can do some of it.
so when the pandemic started and I had to do it online, I failed almost every class. it was really frustrating.
same with at home, I can only work when my entire room is clean, which it never is because I can't work in a messy environment lol.
does that happen to anyone else and how do you combat it? | ADHD |
So long story short many people believe my father to have Asperger’s (on the autism spectrum). I have recently been diagnosed with OCD/GAD/ panic disorder. This may me being paranoid but I was reading about autism in adult women and similarities to OCD. I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this, or has even been misdiagnosed with one or the other? | OCD |
This of for the people who were diagnosed as kids so hello I'm 21 I was diagnosed at 5 I don't remember too much just that when I was that small words and numbers were hard and that I'd end up walking around and not remember why or how lol but that it my mom thought something was off with me lol so she took me to the doctors and it was such a long process
So do you remember getting diagnosed? | ADHD |
hi everyone. i wanted to get some advice on a situation. i’ve been thinking of writing a letter to my old youth pastor and telling her that her sons best friend (who was also like a son to her at the time) and i were in a “relationship” when i was 11 and he was 17, turning 18. we only ever communicated over the phone due to distance, but he would always pressure me to send him nude pictures, to the point where he would threaten to break up or stop talking to me if i didn’t send him pictures, he would tell me how he wanted to take my virginity, among other various things. there was a time where his best friend was talking to my cousin and said to keep an eye on me bc he saw his friend messaging me, and he knows his friend can be a little weird with girls. my cousin just laughed it off. i’ve only recently realized how wrong this situation was, and it continued through my 6th grade year. and on and off until i was a junior in high school when he told me that i was too young to be having sex, but that i should move down to LA to live with him. when i was around 12/13 he would have girlfriends that were his age, but every now and then he would text or call me super late at night and it would be like no time had passed. i’m wanting to write her a letter mainly to let her know what was going on and how it’s affected me now. i’m scared that she’ll reach out to him and question him, or that she won’t believe me. | ptsd |
Currently experiencing this every second of every day and its driving me insane. Same 5-10 second loops of a particular song (that changes) going on in my head like a record on repeat. On 60mg of Paxil and that isn’t doing anything. Have tried the other SSRIs and SNRIs. Any recommendation? They just put me on 2mg of Risperdol per day. Clomipramine made me extremely agitated after 6 days of a low dose, is that even possible? Thank you | OCD |
I, of course, hear comments that antidepressants did great things in certain peoples lives but it seems as though most of the comments I see on related subs are about issues that people have with them, or at the very least consequences. I recently found out I have OCD and my disassociation is getting worse and worse and am actively taking Lexapro although without taking effect yet.
So, I guess my question is to this sub: are there any success stories from people that have been on antidepressants and successfully been able to transition off — or even just people that have had great success on them? | OCD |
I understand now, it's futile. The only person I'll always have is myself. No one else. Everyone who were my "Friends" are only so in school. After we graduate, we likely won't even talk to or see each other again. I believe that as you get older, you get lonelier. Everyone becomes too concerned with their own lives. It hurts, but that's what reality is | depression |
The part I hate most about ADHD is the emotional Dysregulation. After making a mistake socially, then apologizing and owning up to it, I tend to be thrown into an involuntary bout of depression and self loathing that lasts about a day. Worst thing ever, just sobbed my eyes out over something that, atleast to the other person, was simply an irritation. Anybody else experience this? This is my first post here by the way. | ADHD |
I saw it and nearly lost my mind in happiness
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>“Don’t bother too much about your feelings. When they are humble, loving, brave, give thanks for them; when they are conceited, selfish, cowardly, ask to have them altered. In neither case are they you, but only a thing that happens to you. What matters is your intentions and your behaviour.”
— C.S. Lewis | OCD |
hi everyone, after speaking with my GP just exploring whether i might actually have adhd, the inattentive type. i've always been introverted and shy so wondering if some of the signs and symptoms have been masked. I have some symptoms like drifting off while someone is talking to me, having to write down notes in meetings to avoid losing interest or forgetting to do something i've been asked.
a few things i have done for years that are unusual but not sure if they are ADHD or something else-
\-on the computer i will highlight cursor items over and over on the desktop, or highlight words on a webpage while i read, non stop moving. it's like my brain needs me to do something.
\-in watching myself on video i often move very 'jerkily', touching items around me, moving my head, looking around. this may be anxiety related though?
\-i am late for everything. i have to really fixate on trying to be on time to avoid being late i.e. getting ready way in advance, waking up at 5am to get to work by 8.
TL;dr i have a few habits i'm not sure are ADHD or something else like compulsive computer actions, anxious movements, always being late | ADHD |
I feel like im a failure, a disappointment, a loser. The people around me have such high expectations for me ane i can't cope up with it. Sometimes i feel everything going on bad in someone's life is my fault even though it isn't. Im scared to let anyone know what im going through cause i feel like im dumping a huge weight of my sadness on perfectly good people who don't deserve to talk about the bullshit im going through. I don't even know if this the right sub reddit to post this im sorry but i had to get it out. | depression |
Honestly the past couple of weeks I’ve been not feeling like hanging out w the few good friends I got or chilling with my girlfriend or my family because it feels like such a chore. Not because I’m hateful or that they really bother me that much. More because I feel like I’ve been so over emotional that I can’t take anything. I feel so sensitive and hyper reactive to everything that just seeing people makes me feel tired and worn out. Regular conversations about people and my life kinda make me struggle to keep it together because I feel like my trauma makes me jealous of everything. I’m always comparing myself to other and it’s so toxic so it’s really hard to have conversations without my own head veering off course.
Idk I’m so confused and this might show it but why don’t I have the same love for the people around me as i used to? Anything would be helpful | ptsd |
I've been underemployed and underpaid for the past year and a half. Taking jobs FAR below my experience level. I lost my apartment, my relationship, most of my belongings, and my dream job (I left that) all in 2020. All I have left is my computer, broken down car, and and my cat. As for emotional losses? I will never be the same. I should look for a therapist that specializes in cPTSD
I first remember my ex always being.. Weird about my successes through the years. I rose through the ranks where I worked. I did fantastic. I was promoted repeatedly. It was great. But our relationship suffered. She was... Never really happy for me. I devoted myself to her. Tried to help her as she helped me too. She began parroting ableist ideals and thoughts, knowing I was on the spectrum. I get it, she struggled with her own thing. I tried to be supportive the best way I knew how. I went to therapy. I thought it was me. This is when I found r/bpdlovedones. I realize it's just.. Intensified neurotypical abuse, turned to 11. But thats a conversation for later.
Fast forward to yesterday, and I finally got a job that would pull me out of my rut. 65k, plus benefits, and 100% remote. Background check is finishing up, but there's nothing holding me back from this job. I can't believe it. I actually don't believe it. I feel like I'm in a dream, or the beginning of a horrible nightmare, a foreboding crescendo to the expected plunge into the abyss. The return to darkness.
I told some friends. Or so I thought. They're aware of what I've been through. Through my literal tears, I told my friends first. They should know right?
Its been 48 hours. Not a single word. I'd rather them just move on like nothing happened. Silence. Then it hit me.
I'm the kind of person that gives. But since I'd won something for myself, they weren't happy for me. They weren't really my friends. They didn't care for me. Not really. Like my ex.
My fellow aspies, I know this is cliché. We get this senseless, empty mantra of watch your friends, they may not be your true friends. But it's something we especially MUST be hypervigilant.
We always suffer through the direct ableism, but we can't fathom just how many people EXPECT us to fail. We let it get in our heads that is what's supposed to happen. Don't let it. Because when you succeed, when you start moving forward to the point where it can't be denied, they won't be here to cheer you on. They'll dismiss you. Push you to catastrophizing. Tell you to doubt a truly good opportunity.
Until eventually, all that's left is silence, and the white noise of heart break, shattered expectations, and a melancholy sense of loneliness.
​
Edit: All of you, thank you SO SO MUCH. It's been a long LONG time since I've received this much positivity. seriously, thank you. | aspergers |
Hey, I have been struggling with OCD and while I have been doing better lately there is one thing that keeps popping up and it is concerns Porn and Mastubation. I wanted to reduce my consumption of Porn and masturbate less. It has proven to be extremely difficult for me. The problem is as you know OCD let‘s you think about things you don‘t want to do. So I am having a lot of intrusive thoughts about porn and thinking about porn and sex a lot also just makes me horny. So I end up masturbating and watching porn even tho I said I don‘t want to. When I do I don‘t enjoy it tho. I definitely feels like I lost control of myself. I feel like it‘s because of OCD but I might also just have an addiction. Can anyone help with this? | OCD |
I am so broken as a person. All I want is some affection. The person I love found someone else. Someone better that actually give her what she wants. I’m so fucking depressed and I can’t see things ever getting better. The worse part is I’ve been depressed so long I have no one left to talk to. I don’t know what to do. I’m really like trying but it keeps getting worse. All year it’s been so bad. Sometimes I wish I could just k*** myself but I know I never could because I do want to be alive but it hurts and no one cares anymore. I’m only posting this because I’m tired of complaining on Twitter and making everyone hate me. | depression |
TLDR at the bottom
Short back story: For my most of my (23F) life I was at a healthy weight, but right after I graduated high school I got into a relationship and started college. Over the course of the next three years I gained about 40 pounds of weight.
Due to changing jobs last year in fall 2020 (from a server at a cafe to a receptionist) my diet dramatically changed and I lost 12 pounds solely from not eating/drinking the things I used to at work. I was still overweight but this was a win for me since I didn't change anything I was eating outside of work and boy do I love food!
My ADHD diagnosis came earlier this year in spring 2021, but I didn't start med management until August (3 months ago). From the beginning I was told that stimulants can affect your appetite but holy shit I was in no way prepared. To be frank I don't experience hunger anymore. On the weekends I sometimes forget that I need to eat because the hungry feeling never comes. Most of the time I have to force myself to eat because I'm not ~hungry~. Food doesn't excite me anymore, and unless my meal looks mega appetizing I'm not really interested in eating it.
In the 3 months since I started my meds I have lost 16 pounds. I went from overweight BMI into healthy weight BMI. This is where I start to get conflicted. On one hand I'm not upset that I've lost weight—quite the opposite. On the other hand I know that 16 pounds of weight loss within 3 months from malnutrition is a bad sign.
Since I lost a total of 28 pounds in one year I'm struggling with enjoying it too much. I'm starting to wonder if it it could develop into an eating disorder. If I'm already not hungry, it's easy to let "oh shit it's lunch time" become a passing thought rather than a necessary action.
Has anyone else experienced this? Do you think this is a slippery slope for an eating disorder?
I would love advice on how to get myself to eat when I'm not hungry!
TLDR: I lost 16 pounds in 3 months on my ADHD meds from loss of appetite. I enjoy the weight loss, and am concerned for developing an eating disorder. | ADHD |
I'm so goddamn tired all of the time - mentally and physically. I just want to lie in my bed and sleep and never wake up. I want to die, even though I know I'll probably never be able to go through with it because of my parents. But like, if I were to just fall asleep and never wake up? Man. I would take that in an instant. I'm so tired of everything. | depression |
Hey everyone! I have OCD that mostly manifests in checking (esp around things that can start fires) and intrusive thoughts. I recently moved into a new apartment all alone and it’s way bigger than I’m usually comfortable with. I have lived alone before and that’s when my checking behaviors got really bad, but I’m currently working on that with exposure therapy. Anyway, I always get intrusive thoughts about really irrational things like zombies (my biggest fear) or ghosts/demons. I keep psyching myself out thinking I’m seeing something out of the corner of my eye and I keep convincing myself that I’m being followed. I know this is an OCD thing because I have had these fears my entire life and I have lived in probably 15 different houses and apartments, so I know they can’t all be haunted. This apartment has a lot of hidden corners, lots of doorways (not an open floor plan), and multiple entrances, all of which have always caused me a lot of anxiety. I don’t worry about any of these things when someone else is with me, but getting a roommate isn’t really an option for me. I’m curious to know if anyone else experiences this sort of intrusive thinking or if anyone has any tips for making myself less afraid of my home. As a side note, I also have ADHD so I struggle a lot with focusing on visualizing and deep breathing and I often find that my intrusive thoughts are the only thing I can focus on.
Thank you in advance for any advice!! | OCD |
I watched something awful when I was about 15. It was a hentai film that was essentially torture porn? Like it included some dubious consent stuff/injury from sex etc.
I can't stop thinking about how awful it was. I feel so guilty for having watched it and been turned on by it, even 4yrs after watching it. Is that kind of content in hentai even legal? And even though I would never do it again, am I a monster for watching it? | OCD |
Hi,
I’m just looking for someone’s experience or knowledge. I have a family member that has OCD presenting primarily as, what I believe to be ‘pure O’, although I’m not 100% sure. My family member, a sibling, was diagnosed with OCD some 20years ago. After an initial diagnosis that was it. In the last 20 years they have never had a job, have never had a relationship , either platonic or romantic, and sadly are utterly dependent on my parents financial and emotional support. Whilst my parents were younger they were capable of ‘carrying’ the load as it were. But they are now pensioners and are really struggling. They never investigated OCD to any great extent and are really, really anxious that if they don’t continue to meet my siblings needs then they will potentially come to harm. Having lived away for 15 years I came home during the pandemic so that we could support each other. It is at this point I realised the extent of the problem. Within the first month of being home I had witnessed my father in tears after my sibling had said that his neighbours were ‘spying’ on him and filming him. My father said that this was a typical expression of my siblings symptoms and a relatively minor one. After engaging with my siblings illness and paranoia for two hours my elderly father was very upset. He said that essentially this had been an ongoing thing every 3-4 weeks for 20 years! I found this very hard to deal with. I instantly looked up a well regarded therapy centre and showed some successful testimonials to my parents, printed out some articles and helped them make a plan to get some professional help. A couple of days later, after talking with a professional and seeing them palpably relieved and smiling, they presented the plan and advice, very gently, following professional advice, to my sibling. They, my sibling, were non committal. They left and then went home to go online where they spent the next 20hrs straight reading, printing and filing anything negative about the treatment of OCD, dozens of testimonials about treatment failure, all the way to looking up the name and address of one of the neighbours of a staff member of a suggested treatment centre who had a criminal record. Not the staff member on their website, their completely unaffiliated neighbour!! Needless to say the family went from elation to dejection when presented with this extreme sabotage. After that it’s got worse and worse. My sibling is now convinced that I’m evil and manipulative for trying to get professional help. I’m officially ‘one of them’ and they’re convinced that I’ve gaslighted them and my parents. Even though they say weekly that strangers are plotting and talking. My parents continue to fund him, enable, engage with delusion, and essentially are utterly in the orbit of the illness. Help! Do I run away and let them continue their toxic dance? Cut my losses and pray for the best? Or double down? Keep battling the sabotage? As much as I want my sibling to get well, my primary concern is my elderly parents. They’ve done 20 years! I just want them to enjoy their twilight years. They shouldn’t have to care for a really mentally ill middle aged person who acts like they’re 16 and sabotages all attempts at treatment. I know I’m frustrated and angry. I feel so powerless! Its getting harder and harder to separate the illness from the sufferer. And that’s just as painful. Thanks for taking the time to read. Any comments, experience, further reading,advice is welcome. | OCD |
As I’m writing this, I’ve been sitting in my car on campus for an hour when I have several assignments and essays to write that are already past due.
The distraction is so bad. Even when I leave my phone in another room I will still go back to play on it. I’ve tried deleting social media & game apps just to find myself redownloading them. I’ve put time limits on apps just to ignore them and turned off all of my notifications, but I still check everything. I have no self control.
Ive mentioned swapping out my phone for a shitty trap phone that can only text and call to people before and they think it’s extreme and ridiculous.
But it seems like the only way to focus on school work and not spend hours scrolling when I have several deadlines to meet. I’m in nursing school and there’s no way I can keep doing this…I’m gonna end up flunking when it gets to more serious courses.
I plan on just switching out the SIM cards and only using my iPhone when I’m not doing school work.
Has anyone ditched their smart phone and has it worked out for them? | ADHD |
I just finished all my course work. after battling ptsd for YEARS, constant pulling out of public school, I’ve finally done it. im proud of myself.
I’ve been struggling with ptsd since I was 15 years old, from childhood physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. my symptoms are severe and hard to manage. I had to pull out of public school because I couldn’t sit in class without having panic attacks, and when I was enrolled in online school, I could barely do anything because I was so depressed. but I’ve finally done it!!! im proud of myself!!! Im getting my life together!!! | ptsd |
I feel f*****g awful when ever my mum starts talking about incidents at work I feel myself getting more stressed/irritated/annoyed and it's like I purposely say sentences in my head about I hopethis happens to you for and other horrible things for example which then I get even more stressed and am internally trying to say no I don't but it feels weak. I'll stay there listening but inside I'm just feel dreadful sometimes wanting to just run away. Then after I'm internally saying Talkin to myself saying I am annoyed I get sick of hearing someone bang on Bout work because I can admit I don't care I don't kno these people she's talking about I feel awful even feeling this way and the fact I thought these horrible things fill me with guilt badly I went upstairs trying to calm down and just burst out crying saying out loud how I love her I don't want anything to happen to her which doesn't relieve me cause ill still get the odd bull**** thought like no who cares and I feel frustrated and defeated I'm doing this to myself. I genuinely feel awful wen this happens I want to go away for abit and be alone. | OCD |
Honestly, if someone who knew nothing about autism would think it’s just high empathy, stimming and secretly being a super power. | aspergers |
Self harm, laziness, mess in my room, I know now that ilg Eben faking all of it. Why? Because I need attention, why do I desperately need it? I've always made sure to hide this from other people but now I know I was just lying or myself.
Why was it so hard to realize? | depression |
With my phone I can do that with my smartwatch and googling "Find Phone". I'm wondering if there's anything similar that I can do with stuff like my wallet.
I lost my wallet somewhere between last night and this morning and it's frustrating because I don't know if I dropped it somewhere and gotten it stollen or if I just misplaced it somewhere in my room and it got sucked into The Black HoleTM where things just go to sometimes when misplaced, never to be seen again until you've gotten a replacement of it... | ADHD |
I am so used to being disappointed that now whenever goes something wrong, I am always like I was expecting that already. Today my heart broke, the final thing was alive, and now I feel numb. To the pain. To the sorrow. I feel the knife but it isn’t able to penetrate, you feel me? I have gone through bad depression but is being indifferent to everything is also depression? I don’t want prayers or wishes. Nothing. I don’t want advices. I am not in the mood for that now. Thanks! Don’t mean to be rude at all by last line. | depression |
I have been feeling that a lot thr past couple months, so much so I decided to stop taking my thyroid medication to see if it helps. | ptsd |
I'm not diagnosed with adhd or anything but this subreddit always feels like the place to go to when I'm down, angry or feeling overwhelmed. It makes me feel like less of a failure or a weird person or just like there is someone else out there struggling with similar things and that I'm not alone. I don't know why because I have never been diagnosed or anything but this subreddit just feels like a nice escape sometimes does that sound weird? | ADHD |
Is my brother acting like his friend group can do no wrong and treats everyhing like petty gossip. He acts like he can't do anything when it's obvious he can because he knows them all. The people involved are all fully grown, not teens, but adults and can understand deep consequences with a fully developed brain. But my brother lets them all off. One of his friends already killed himself because of abuse in the social circle and all he did was a casual "haha that sucks right"
The only person he can demonize is me and he's demonized me for innocent attempts at friendship, calling me the predator for trying to make friends | ptsd |
Did it work for anybody and how long did it take and at what dose? | OCD |
I really want kids and my own family but I’m healing from trauma. Don’t want to perpetuate the cycle that I went through.
I’m fairly young (late twenties) but I keep feeling like I’ll never be better. I’ll never be motivated to believe in myself. I’ll be “okay” but never really okay. I used to feel like so intensely. Now I just feel like nothing. And I feel like I’m wasting my life by just feeling so bad.
I know I’m just caught up in my own head but I feel powerless. I want things so intensely. A happy, healthy life. But I feel like no matter how hard I try I never get there.
I know I am still blessed in my own way, and I don’t feel “alone” per say, but man it just feels like everything would be better if I didn’t exist. I keep seeing life through a lens. No matter what I do the lens is grey. I’m so sick of it all. | depression |
It actually removed some toxicity from my life. I don't envy you a better job, a house or any material stuff. I envy you if you die and don't have to participate in the world anymore | depression |
Hi! So I’m currently a junior in college, and a week ago got diagnosed with adhd and BED. My doctor prescribed me 50mg vyvanse ( thought this was a bit high- but she said she was dosing more to treat the BED ; I was also on phentermine for a couple months in case that also makes a difference) and I’m about to take it for the first time today. I have a shit load of studying to do, and I’m hoping maybe it’ll be a little easier. Important to note though the timing is coincidental, today was the day my insurance finally approved the PA and I was able to get it. I don’t really know what to expect since I’ve never taken adhd drugs before, any advice? Anything I should look out for/monitor? I know I need to drink a lot of water and eat, the phentermine gave me bad dry mouth and appetite loss so I’m pretty used to that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) | ADHD |
I have been taking a combination of Vyvanse in the morning and an afternoon dose of dexamphetamine to ease the comedown.
It worked for a while but I've been tweaking (excuse the pun) where I'm taking less Vyvanse in the morning and 2 x doses of Dexamphetamine 5mg. It's actually smoother for me with less of a comedown.
I was wondering if anyone had experience with both meds and whether they noticed a difference? I've only worked with them together so can't really tell the difference.
I'd like to hear some user experiences before requesting a change in my meds where I get less Vyvanse and more dexamphetamine.
Note: I'm not taking any more than I'm supposed to it's actually less than what I'm prescribed so it's not a medical question. | ADHD |
ive been dealing with false memory ocd for about a few months now and im trying to work myself out of this but im not sure if im going the right way about it.
when i start to have bad thoughts i worry that i am being controlled (by a demon or something) to say stuff or that when i was thinking it i somehow said these things aloud and don’t remember.
but this week i have been working on telling myself things like “i am not being controlled”, “you would have remembered if you said that aloud”, “you have full control of your actions”, etc. while also trying to focus on calming myself down and “bringing myself back down to reality”.
its hard to explain but i feel like i disassociate so much that i lose my sense of “self”. and bringing myself back i try to remember times where i was happier and felt more real. i hope that makes sense. if not ask any questions you like | OCD |
Why do I feel like I am faking my depression even tho I know that I have it because I got diagosed by a professional? I feel like I am exaggerating my depression. I just want my crush (she doesn't know that I have depression) to tell me that I am strong and that she believes that I will get better. I imagine scenarios in my head where my crush hugs me and tells me that I am strong for not committing suicide. | depression |
I've always been a nongregorious person i hate being around people ikr even if its my own family, and the though of being in a classroom full of strangers for a year scares me. I'll literally do anything to be home schooled.
I plan on staying quiet and being known as the quiet kid, but people last year kinda bullied me a little, and people often make jokes about how I'm going to shoot up the school
This is also my 1st year in high school so I may be overthinking a little. | aspergers |
my grandmother passed recently. I’m from a really really small town. Long story short it was brought to my memory today one of my grandmothers night nurses was the aunt to a young man my cousin had just murdered 😭😭😭😓 I’m not blaming the nurse or even have knowledge if she’s aware my cousin was in fact related to my grandma ( my cousin has a different last name than his father , my grandmas son ). When she was in the hospital I’d record the conversations because our family is so large it was hard to relay all the information from the nurses. How stupid of me ? If I KNEW she was related to the boy why didn’t I get an ill feeling that she could POSSIBLY affect my grandmas treatment ? Again I don’t know if she ever knew my grandma was the grandmother to the boy who had murdered her nephew but what IF? 😭😭😭😭 I feel so responsible now like maybe. I listened to the voicemail and she was super informative and even said that she knew some of my family. Why would someone who voluntarily admits to knowing your family risk their license. It’s a lose lose situation. I’ll never know the answers and Grandma will never come back. I failed her. I’m really wondering should I tell my other family members who weren’t aware of the nurses connection or maybe apologize to them for failing Grandma. | OCD |
How would you do erp for that? I guess just repeat the phrase over and over? | OCD |
I’ve been diagnosed with adhd PI for almost a year and a half and was prescribed a low dose of adderall and seen a huge difference in a positive way. I am running out of my meds and tried to make an appointment through Kaiser only to find out my doctor quit and from my understanding I need a doctors approval for a controlled substance prescription to be refilled. Kaiser said they put me on a wait list to be given another doctor but who knows how long until I get one and actually get an appointment with them. The next thing I thought of was to go out of my insurance since I have a really hard time without the meds. I came across circle medical and how they specialize in adhd but seen it cost $149 for my first appointment. I was wondering if anyone has gone through the process and have had a good experience. If needed I do have my diagnosis and prescription records from my doctor. | ADHD |
Ive had insecurities and jealousy issues most of my life, is this more common in aspies? Do anyone have tips to help control/get over the issues? | aspergers |
I (25F) just moved to a different state and started seeing a new doctor (since my previous one can’t prescribe out of state.)
Almost 12 years ago I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD and prescribed Adderall. My dosage has been the same for the past 7 years– 50mg a day (two 20mg XRs in the morning and a 10mg IR for the afternoon if needed.) It’s been perfect for me since it allows me the flexibility to take what I need based on the day. I usually take the full 50mg during the week for work and maybe half of that on weekends. But if I’m busy I can take a full dosage if needed.
So I schedule an appointment with this new doc who’s both a primary care provider (PCP) and a psychiatrist! Yay! I thought. A PCP who’s also a mental health professional! I was excited since I also wanted to start an antidepressant for seasonal depression and anxiety and felt she could advise me on this along with having knowledge and understanding of ADHD. She prescribed me Zoloft, but when it came to my Adderall, she acted alarmed saying it’s an absurd amount and started questioning me.
She goes on to explain that since I was diagnosed so long ago, I probably don’t even have ADHD anymore but wouldn’t know since I’ve always taken meds. And says that children are often misdiagnosed with ADHD when it’s actually just anxiety.. Even though I told her my anxiety is something that’s very new (developed over the last year or two.) But she says she feels like if the Zoloft works to help my anxiety, then I won’t need Adderall?? Like no, I had ADHD before I had anxiety.
She went to say that she doesn’t want to refill my Adderall script and would rather I try a non-stimulant (with first trying to be “sober” from ADHD meds for a month or so.) And asked dumb questions like “have you tried using a planner?” I was insanely discouraged by this and how she’s treating me like a drug-seeker. I hate how so many doctors do this. Like when you’re a child you’re seen as innocent with an attention problem but somehow once you’re an adult your diagnosis is null and void and now you just want drugs?? More than anything, it’s so invalidating to not be understood and for her to make the assumption that I don’t posses self-awareness or the capacity to know myself or my body. I am a basket case for ADD and my medicine has worked perfectly for me and given me the ability to function normally. I take my meds responsibly and my vitals, weight, everything are rock solid stable. So there’s no reason why I should be ridiculed for wanting to continue taking a medicine that poses no negative affects on me or my life.
*EDIT: Wow, thank you so much to everyone for the outpouring of support. I definitely feel more validated in seeing all your responses of anger and sympathy. I wanted to point out that I am definitely NOT seeing this doctor again and already made an appointment somewhere else for next week. I didn't bother trying to pushback/reason with this one. It was clear to me that she was just one of those doctors who was against stimulants and rejected the concept of ADHD in general. Arguing would just give her more of a reason to see me as rampant drug-seeker. It's sad that I'm not alone in my experience of how ADHD is still so widely misunderstood and unaccepted by medical/mental health professionals, but I'm glad to see conversations like this take place in this community. | ADHD |
wellbutrin or adderall, both help me focus, but as a side effect; I remember how life was with my extended family, growing up, everyone was so close, but I wasnt, always depressed, antisocial, addicted to the computer, and watching life pass me by.
Well now that everyone is grown up, and moved away, I see how everyone is not close at all anymore, and it just makes me so incredibly sad. I have so many flashbacks, I could never remember my past before these two drugs, and I just see how I NEVER talked, at all, or I was just so angry or isolating.
I'm normally depressed, in waves, mostly gone when in fight or flight mode while doing insane travels (but still kinda antisocial/social anxiety), but more so because of lack of direction, energy, or SAD.
Does this ever get better? Is it part of acceptance? or is it unstable emotions that need another drug..
I'm considering therapy after not having it for 8 years, but it's really hard to trust anyone. And even harder to trust them writing all this stuff down, on their computer, and storing it on a web server, when I work in IT, and know exactly how vulnerable this stuff is to getting hacked. Last year I tried to talk to someone, and when I mentioned these things, they immediately called me paranoid and wanted to prescribe an anti psychotic. When I can see visible proof of how many exploits there are, and how many systems are ACTIVELY compromised in the world right now, it is clearly, 100% without a doubt, not paranoia. eg: https://www.shodan.io/search?query=remote+desktop https://www.shodan.io/search?query=mysql https://www.cvedetails.com
ok, and after that tangent, I also want to say, with either wellbutrin or adderall, I notice a huge increase in empathy, which is part of why these memories make me really sad. I know as a kid, I have very little empathy, and it was like I was in a fog (probably due to so many allergy meds with killer allergies), it was so hard to comprehend human interactions or consequences for actions. (maybe also some autism, but not so sure, as I'm very well aware of all of this while on either drug, and you cant cure autism, so then it must be a chronic dopamine deficiency)
I got adderall for excessive daytime sleepiness, my doctor refuses to acknowledge adhd, my 2nd opinion doctor looked at the charts and saw this highly controlled test, and immediately said the same. | depression |
My harm ocd switched from my pets to mass shooting now and it feels like i wanna do it. And apparently one of the columbine shooters was on zoloft and im on zoloft and ive noticed it made me apathetic and aggresive and im scared ill become a shooter. It feels like i get joy out of these thoughts? Im so scared | OCD |
I've been struggling with what I think is OCD for the past 2 years or so. It started severly impacting my life with what I think was a bout of HOCD when I've started experiencing sexual intrusive thoughts of being gay and gay sex which caused me a lot of anxiety. I do think I have had some OCD tendencies before that although it's hard to exactly pin point. I don't think I have ever experienced attraction to other men before that. I started coping with it, thinking maybe Im bisexual and trying to cope with the ucertainity and just trying to get through the start of university. A few weeks later a thought popped into my head, similiarly to the first time, that maybe I'm actually a girl. This spiralled out of control and led to 2 or 3 days of the biggest misery in my life. I would ruminate constantly thinking about killing myself reading about genderfluidity and everything similiar. Thats when I decided to see a sexual therapist. She told what I probably had was something called tOCD, since again, I never experienced these thoughts before, and I really should see a theraist. I never did. Somewhere around this time I've started reading online about tocd and found hocd and honestly it just fit so perfectly I've been going with it ever since. While I managed to cope with thoughts about being transsexual(although i still get mild anxiety when I see a person who's clearly going through transition) I never really got over the fear/thoughts of being gay. At some point it was just like a fucky voice telling me in my head "You're/I'm gay". Then I had a serious knee injury which basically tied me to my bed for the next 3 months and I got back hard on my weed addiction. The anxiety I've expierienced when high on weed and ruminating I will never forget. It would be like a constant battle between two voices in my head(kind of like Smeagol and Gollum if it makes any sense) arguing between one another nenver reaching any conclusion just keeping me in this state of absolute anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and told her about what I was experiencing and she prescribed me with some SSRI's but again told me I should go to a therapist ASAP. I didn't. I took the meds for a month which may have started to help(although couldve been placebo too) but when she increased my dosage I started waking up in the middle of the night with terrible panic attacks. Then the pandemic happened and I survived by playing 10-12 hours a day of MMORPGs. Thats how year 2020 passed for me, up until September when I started studying abroad. The 2021 schoolyear was really good for me. The change in the environment helped and I met a girl who I became interested in. We started talking over chat and I started to wonder whats going since whenever shed text I'd be escstatic wed say goodnight a million times and when wed actually go to sleep Id fall asleep with such a massive grin on my face. We started dating some time later and after a month and a half made it official. We started having sex (I was a virg) and despite the anxiety I was enjoying myself. Ive had time when intrusive thoughts would pop into my head but I usually was able to stay in it sometimes even managing to have sex without an intrusive thought. As time went by I was becoming better and better, thinking to myself sometimes "how could I have ever doubted myself I love her so much". With her the whole year passed like crazy, I have never been happier in my life. I've had better times and I've had worse times but I usually communicated and we worked together. It came to a point when I thought that I actually managed to beat OCD and that it would be smooth sailiong from then on. Because we've been practically living together for a good while because of the pandemic and we were both struggling to find a place to live we decided to move in together. We managed to find a place that suited us and started the process. About that time I saw a friend and he convinced me to smoke weed again and I got incredibly high and 3 times as anxious and thats when the thoughts came back full force. I started doubting everything again and became anxious about moving in, my sexuality, everything aformentioned. Some time later I had to come back home, my grandma was diagnosed for lung cancer and my family needed all hands on deck to pull through this, driving her food, taking care of her house. Much of this fell on me in the end and it wasn't helping that I was dealing with these constant thoughts probably as bad as they had been. My girlfriend was a lot of support then but it often wasn't easy and again I found solace in just mindlessly playing video games. My grandma then passed away and I got back to my girlfriend as soon as I could hoping that just by getting home and changing the environment I could get back to my "old self" and just enjoy her and life again. While it did kind of help it kind of didn't either. My anxiety didn't really stop and while I did have better days I also had really bad ones but I couldnt really just sulk because we had a houehold to manage now. We've been living together for a few months now and while difficult its really rewarding.
Im terrified though because the anxiety hasnt stopped and the thoughts are becoming more and more convinving to the point where I dont even know myself what Im attracted to anymore. Even when I masturbate these thougths appear and are strong. Im terrified that all of this was basically a lie. Im terrified that Im actually gay and that I cant be with her anymore. Im terrified that all of this will go to waste even though I really do I think I love her so much.
I need to vent this since I dont think I have never told even her the full story. Part of why Im writing this is because Im seeing a general practitioner tomorrow and instead of giving her the full story Ill just ask her to read this. I think I cried like 3 times when writing this. I just want this to stop. I dont know what to do. But to anyone who read this, thank you. | OCD |
I'm planning on making a resource for my uni of tips/coping mechanisms for undergraduates and phd students with e.g. Adhd, dyslexia, dyscalcula, etc
As a phd student with dyslexia (and a boyfriend with adhd) I just think a place where we could all share our tips on how to manage working/studying would've been soooo helpful!
E.g. a tiny thing for me that helped so much was a suggestion by someone to write my question down word for word before a meeting, cos before I would try and ask a question but my brain would be working 1000x faster than my mouth and no one could really get what I was asking... it was such a small idea but one thay helped me greatly.
...Obviously this is more related to dyslexia so I thought I would ask here to see if anyone had any adhd related tips/coping mechanisms!
TLDR: Making a resource to help ppl studying at university.
1- does this sound helpful
2- any tips for studying and managing with adhd? | ADHD |
The tangy, sulfury taste of gunpowder, the songs "She's Not There", "Do It Again", and "The Cisco Kid", the smell of burned flesh, material and fecal matter. Something you really can't forget.
The music sets the mood, the taste gets your blood pumping and makes you a bit mad, and the smell just sears itself into your mind.
Y'all get it? | ptsd |
I’ve been so fixated and focused on my obsession and it’s just utterly drained me this week. It’s all I’ve been able to think about, it’s been keeping me awake at night from how much stress it causes me from worrying about it so much. I feel like if I don’t absolutely do it now I will literally die. It feels like my hair is going to go white from how much I’ve let this stupid bullshit get under my skin lately and it just sucks so much, dude.
This is literally the last thing I want to be worrying about when I also have college work and a job on my plate right now. I’ve tried so hard to just not focus on it and act like it doesn’t bother me but it does so much lol. It’s also just so difficult to truly explain how I feel to my friends, they just tell me to not worry about it but it’s not that easy. I really wish it was but it bothers me so much and even if I do other things it comes back eventually and the cycle of torment just begins over again.
I just don’t want to constantly be obsessing over something in the grand scheme of things shouldn’t even matter to begin with but does for some reason to me so badly. I literally can’t control how I feel about it and it just pisses me off so much. I WANT to feel normal and not be like this but it’s just so hard not to let it make me feel like total and utter dog shit. I just really wish I could literally stop caring altogether and actually be happy for once and not let my obsession make me go absolutely apeshit/ruin my mood for the whole week. | OCD |
do aspies overthink/obsess about diagnosis they’ve had? I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and constantly try to talk myself into not believing it 😕 it’s to the point I think about detransiton but know it isn’t right for me | aspergers |
I started my EMS career when I was 14, back when this was considered “okay.”
Since then it’s been death and chaos every day Up until I finally quit EMS a few years ago. I’m 30 now, and I’ve tried getting back into EMS thinking it would help, but it didn’t and so I let my licenses lapse for good now. I hope it’s a good start.
I’m angry... at everything. I don’t enjoy leaving the house anymore and it’s straining my relationship. My son I had a year ago brings me joy, but there are moments where I have to just walk away. It’s a huge toll on my marriage, and my wife deserves better.
I am extremely hyper vigilant, which leads to me needing to control how most things are done. My wife can’t even put her hand on my leg if we’re sitting on the couch without warning me first or It scares the hell out of me and I jump/heart races. Sounds are awful, if it’s not silence or music, I really don’t want to hear it. The ice maker dropping ice, the remote dropping, people talking, conversations are especially bad because my brain refuses to focus on just one conversation I’m actively listening to all 50 in the room and I get overwhelmed and end up having to exit the area. I have to sit facing the entrance anywhere i go and scan everyone constantly.
I feel like I’m letting my family down not being able to sit through a kid’s birthday or a family gathering for an hour without having to hide in the car to avoid a full out anger/panic event. I don’t leave the house much to just avoid it all. All I’m told is that avoidance is the best thing, but I feel it’s only isolating me more.
I’m very angry very often. Not physically towards others but I will hit myself or break things if I feel cornered. I am on Propranolol 40mg a day, and I’ve never sought support from anyone for anything. I’ve been taught to rely only on yourself, so this is a huge step for me.
I could really use your advice. Thank you.
God the noises and anger are the worst for me... if I can fix just that I’ll be happy. | ptsd |
Hello guys,
For about 3 weeks I have been obsessed with a mental image. it is a black dot that covers my images and this annoys me, for four years this obsession was returning and disappearing normally For 3 weeks, however, I have the feeling that this black dot has been "stuck" in my mind and I always perceive it with my mind's eye even if I am thinking of something else.However, I realize that it is only a stupid obsession. I would like to know if it is possible that an image remains stuck in the mind or it is simply me who is thinking about it and why I always see it | OCD |
There's no point in trying to mask or trying to blend in. You'll be sniffed out from miles away no matter how good you think you're at hiding. You'll be rejected, hated and not understood because you're different and don't fit the uniform mass. Prepare for a life of hell starting from kindergarten to your adult life till death. Keeping a job is impossible if it requires even the tiniest bit of teamwork. If you can't get a job you might try to get on disability or some help scheme but you won't be able to get away from the overwhelming scorn from society and feelings of inferiority. Feeling like a pathetic worm who's treated like less than human. You might decide you want to live in nature as you are more in tune with animals and plants than fellow human beings. Good luck with that - try to find a patch of land that's not owned by some asshole.
Try to talk to homeless people you'll see how society takes care of those who need help. It's still a jungle and the meanest son of a bitch eats the whole cake by himself. | aspergers |
These thoughts are fucking killing me bro I keep Getting false memories of shit I didn’t do my brain has literally lied and tired to convice that I’ve raped people and that I’ve murderded people when I play Roblox and just go on social media apps it lies and says I’ve commented shit I haven’t said and it’s trying to say that I said I was gay today in Roblox , and it’s it like I know I didn’t say this shit but my Brian literally won’t stop | OCD |
So I only recently in the last 2 years was diagnosed with PTSD and all my triggers are caused by my mother (whose house I’m still stuck living in but I’ll get to that later) I cannot be tapped on the shoulder because my mother used to do that before yelling at me or screaming go in my face, I cannot be touched on my upper arms or neck, and if someone touches me on my back I freak out because she used to push me down the stairs in the house (that I still live in) now onto the (TW) now this next part I’m not sure if she ever intentionally or unintentionally did these things but it happened often enough that I told my psychiatrist and now I’m telling you all, I’ve never told anyone else any of this and I’m not even sure if there’s a statute of limitations on it or not because it started when I was 15. So what would happen is I would be in the kitchen or the basement making food or doing my laundry 🧺 and she would just brush up against me my buttocks the side of my breasts my psychiatrist has told me to practice NC even though I live in the same house as her still. I’m not entirely sure if her actions with the brushing past me or up against me was ever intentional or not but I do know the financial, psychological and physical abuse were intentional as well as the denial that I have any chronic illnesses. So I guess the point of this post is since my diagnosis 2 years ago I just need reassurance that I’m not the only one feeling the way I feel on a day to day basis. | ptsd |
*first, as a disclaimer, i know in the end intrusive thoughts aren't fun to have. i do recognise that some people just cannot see their intrusive thoughts as ridiculous or funny for multiple reasons, and i wholeheartedly symphatise with those bros, having been through that myself*
earlier this month i started having this new intrusive thought about dental filling i had years ago. it doesn't hurt and i can't even feel it with my tongue, but god it annoyed me so much and i was spending hours a day just obsessing over the fact that i had had a dental filling years ago. i was ranting about it to my psychiatrist one day, shaking my fist in annoyance but i couldn't help but to just.. start laughing at myself. i realised how ridiculous it was to be obsessed over such a weird thing. and now that i think about it, i stopped ruminating about the tooth thing that day.
i've also had other weird ass intrusive thoughts, like if i shaved my legs i would no longer be a man (this is probably toxic masculinity but shhh), and that if i didn't name a pokemon in my game the same way i named them years before, something bad would happen. like realistically, what is really going to happen? bulbasaur is going to tackle me to death? not so sure about that..
i have noticed that acknowledging and laughing at some of my most weirdest intrusive thoughts actually helps me get over them. it's like saying "for real bro? damn that's crazy" to my own brain, treating the intrusive thoughts like an annoying frat bro you meet at a party, who's stories are really just not as great as he likes to think they are.
so, does anyone else have any stories/examples of the most ridiculous intrusive thoughts they've had? and if so, how did you/how do you plan to get over them?
(sorry if this was rambly, it's 8am and i haven't slept yet LOL) | OCD |
Let me elaborate. Most people pick favourites for most things, but some things are so universally standard that it weird be considered abnormal to have any remote opinions about them.
For example, I absolutely love left in comparison to right, and I love the way Thursday sounds “rounded”. This may be synaesthesia in which case I’ll look into it further, but can anyone relate to this? | aspergers |
On Friday morning at 1:00am my sister was pronounced dead. Same day, at 10:00pm my bf broke up with me. I am pretty positive I loved him but I don’t feel anything from either situation. I still feel as normal as I ever do if nothing happens.
Update, I do not see a therapist because I have not been depressed and I have been happy with life. I thought we were ok as a couple but he stated I want something else in a relationship. I don’t. I was happy with him too. I enjoy him and I love being around him.
I’m not sure what to do but he said he wants to move out on his own and I should do the same but we have 4 months of lease left. It’s sucks I cannot hold onto someone in a relationship. | aspergers |
wondering what an inpatient experience was like, if it was helpful or harmful for you. especially in the US. obviously only if your comfortable sharing. | OCD |
I was diagnosed with borderline ADHD by my primary who also handles my medication since I can't afford to see a psychiatrist. The main reason that I started to think I may have ADHD is that I'm extremely forgetful and that I feel that I have to put a huge amount of effort to retain information and even then I always end up missing something.
When I'm on Adderall I feel that my mind is quieter and i definitely feel an improvement at work but I still have problems remembering things 100% in a fast paced environment. I know this isn't a performance enhancing drug but sometimes it feels hard to tell when the dosage is too low. There were times when I first started on the medication that I felt hyper and that makes me wonder if I even have ADHD | ADHD |
I'm 15 years old and have been diagnosed with aspergers I suffer from extreme anxiety mild depression and overall I can't physically deal when people are being illogical I really don't know what to do. Last time I went to school I ended up cutting myself because I was so angry and frustrated by the people around and the fact that they say the dumbest shit uuuh anyway I'm going on a rant as per usual if anyone can help me in anyway that would be great because I have sec exams this year and I really can't miss them.Im just not coping well at all recently | aspergers |
I feel like my housemate and close friend, lets call him bob, might have aspergers. I want to tell him because being diagnosed or even just recognising that he struggles to read other peoples emotions might improve his relationships and consequently his mental health. He's already had arguments with a mutual friend because of this, and I don't want this to isolate him if he doesn't address these things he finds difficult. I've read up on symptoms , and he has several, for example he also has specific interests which he talks about more than anything else.
I'm worried about how to bring it up- I want to encourage him to learn more about it so that he can interact with other people more easily, but I feel he might be offended if I suggest he doesn't interact with others in a standard way.
Is it right for me to do this? If so, are there any things I could say that might be helpful? Are there any ways to introduce the idea that might be more calming for him? | aspergers |
Hello everyone,
I was in a very bad state a few months ago and was experiencing a really bad meltdown every day from ocd. Hours and hours of obsessing… anyway now I’m in a much better place but I’m curious to hear some opinions on this. I have currently reached a point where I’m not actively obsessing over anything or ritualizing. Yes there are points in the day where I have a quick thought like count to 3 or some bad thing will happen and I just do it quick and move past it. So this isn’t a burden at all and is a manageable way that doesn’t really impact my day to day. However now that my mental state has calmed down and I’m not obsessing I’ve noticed that I’m constantly anticipating the next intrusive and how I will combat it/ constantly searching for something now that there is finally some quiet in my head. Constantly just thinking about the OCD and where is it? Did I never have it ? Did I make it all up ?
Of course that’s ocd in itself but just curious if anyone has experienced this. Thanks | OCD |
I'm working as a cashier at a hardware store. I was experiencing sensory overload the entire day but I made it through!!!
I just worked the register today. Tomorrow I'll learn some more things within the store. My biggest fear is answering the phone. Due to my brain glitching out and my speech issues, idk how I'm going to do. I'm just happy to make some money! | ADHD |
My dad, dead.
My mom, dementia.
Im alone.
Im over 30 and have had depression for over 20 years.
These past weeks, maybe a month and a half? - I have been mostly in bed.
I am awake 5h at most, the rest I sleep, in and out of consciousness.
I have dreams, most where I live another life, surrounded by people who show care and love, I have fun, im on adventures, it feels real.
In some dreams I meet my dad, and I always end them telling him he is dead. Until then I have care and love, we go buy icecream or on a drive.
Then it ends in tears and panic.
In some dreams I dream about my mom being completely gone into the fog, not even remembering me anymore, where she does not speak, she shows nothing in terms of emotions to me; except bitterness.
I wake up feeling this weight, like I am suffocating under a mountain.
I cry and have a hard time breathing.
Then I pray for sleep again, with a better dream...
Life is not for me. Never was.
Only good light I have is my cats.
I just am awake to play with them, feed them, fix their litter boxes, hug them.
They like sleeping on me.
Besides that; its like I live on death row in isolation... built by myself and the cold reality around me. | depression |
Ever since I was a kid I followed the same schedule if/when I have free time. I’ve changed that schedule up a couple times to keep me from getting depressed but it happens anyway. That schedule includes when to do homework, work out, play video games, watch TV, literally EVERYTHING!! i cannot imagine thinking “I want to play animal crossing” then actually doing it in that moment. Like I’m genuinely asking HOW do people realize what they want to do when they have free time? I’m sick of ocd controlling my own free will. This has been my life for 15+ years and I don’t know how to change it.
Edit: grammar | OCD |
Ok so Im really confused now when I was 8 years old I started getting thoughts telling me stuff like "if you dont touch the door 5 times you will die within a week" or "if you dont place your pencil in a certain way something really bad will happen" or "if you dont look at the mirror for 2 minutes straight something bad will happen to you or your family" these thoughts were really bad and they were ruining my life at that time I didn't know these were OCD symptoms because I didnt even know what OCD was back then I just told myself that I was a stupid kid and that I will grow out of it one day and I was also scared to tell my parents about these thoughts out of fear that ill be ridiculed or misunderstood also I had an insane fear of germs and a fear that ill get poisoned my fear of germs was so bad that I would sometimes spend like 30 minutes washing my hands it got really bad to the point my hands became visibly dry and people started asking me why my hands looked so weird it got to the point that I would refuse touching people and I remember once I litreally showered just because my someone touched me On top of all of that I think I also had religous ocd it kind of went like this "you did that prayer wrong repeat it" and I would feel the need to repeat the prayer again or else something bad will happen to me now keep in mind all this stuff happend to me when I was 8 years old and at that time I didnt know that these are OCD symptoms I just thought I was stupid now at the moment Im 14 I started reading about OCD and I realized alot of the symptoms relate to me when I was 8 however the weird thing is almost all these symptoms are gone now I no longer wash my hands excessively I also no longer fear getting poisoned I still occasionally get thoughts like "if you dont touch that doorknob 15 times something bad will happen" actually alot of the compulsions from these thoughts I do them subconsciously now for example when I get out of bed I bend my knee in a certain way Ive been doing that ever since I was 8 cause I believed something bad will happen if I dont and now I bend my knee while getting out of bed subconsciously thats the norm for me.
However I dont get these thoughts much anymore or in other words they dont affect my life like they used to when I was 8 (when I was 8 I seriously hated my life so fucking much)
So Im so fucking confused now can OCD come and go? Is this normal? Did I even have OCD to begin with or was it just a stupid phase I got over? Because if I truly did have OCD then these thoughts would still be persistent today but they are not I also fear that if it wasn't just a stupid phase and that I do have OCD then these will inevitability return
(Also if you are wondering how I stopped getting these thoughts it was kind of a process it took like a year or something for the thoughts to slowly go away and as I said I still get these OCCASIONALLY today but not too much and it dosen't affect my life as much as it used to) | OCD |
I found it a while ago somewhere on this board and meant to pick it up, but either the post I saved got deleted or I just forgot to save it. If anyone has any books that fit that bill please link! | aspergers |
Intearcting with other males is pretty difficult: the atmosphere is competitive and they are pretty stubborn. It feels like a difficult game with no winners.
Doing the same things with group of females is easier.
(I am not looking for any kind of relationship with them. Pretty sure that they are not attracted to me)
My initiatives such as playing D&D or creating student clubs are more likely to be followed. There is no competetive atmosphere, at least against me. | aspergers |
It sucks. Everyone says I'm attention seeking. No one ever fucking tries to understand how it feels for me. I hate being this miserable. I do. I hate it so much. I just wish I can fucking die so no one has to deal with me ever again. Even I am tired to deal with myself. | depression |
I'm writing this while my parents are both both in the same room trying to punish me and torment me and I've head back as me tears as I fucking could with the occasion flow that I couldn't control based on what I'm writing and to them it was just their Friday afternoon entertainment
I fucking can't keep going anymore. Any time I have something descent happen to me, my parents are there to mock me and make me want to die. I want just end my suffering along and others. I will do more good by killing my self to me and others around me then I would if I was breathing.
My parents have straight up told me I'm an accident and heavily imply that I somehow survived a condom and I'm a failed apportion. I'm treated like shit while my younger sister has the same respect as a goddess. She's threatened my life with a knife up to my neck and they find it normal. She steps on them like door mats calling them bitchs and they are all happy with that, and I go to talk to them with my full respect about my future and the laugh at subjects I want to do for a levels and I get fucking laughed at and made like a joke calling me retard because I can't read because I'm dislexic. Sometimes I feel like ending it right then and there, and I've had to hide it for so long, it's gotten to the point where people that I've know scence I was 6 can no longer tell wtf is going on.
My parents are both extremely religious and I am too because if had no faith I wouldn't be righting this rn, so it's only more pain full when they call me demonic or I am possessed by a demon. It makes me fell like I've committed war crimes. They make me feel like they would of preferred Hitler as their first born.
The only asset I am to them is that I am a status symbol for their life, "Hey guys we have a son and dose well in skool." Even then if they have my sister for that. I'm forced to get an 8 (A+) in all my test as a minimum to satisfy their bear minimum requirements and if I don't I go through so much shit. I have stoped telling them about tests and everything else that is going in my life even tho we life in the same building.
I am truly finding a lack of resones for me to continue. All I have is a couple YouTubers and shows along with music and gaming and Im holding on for the little faith that I have that God has something for me, and if you take away some of those factors I have no self reson for my live. I've been threatened by other students to tell some teachers and I am scared about that outcome if that happens even though teachers have seen me stab my hand and arm in their classes untill the bleed - I think the real reason I'm scared is they would have to tell my parents that I am suicidal which would lead to them saying that a demonic and the devil is possessing me.
Thank you to you if you've had it here because you truly have cared for me the most in my life. I thank you with the bottom of Hart . | depression |
The other night at a funerary luncheon, I was discussing with my family members my recent diagnosises of ADHD and Social Anxiety. My 23M sibling looked at me, and said "no, there's no way that you have social anxiety because you're so social."
Context: My 23M brother doesn't have ASD like me, but his social skills are not as good as mine. I'm fairly social and work a sales support role. I have a large circle of acquaintances, and multiple close friends. However, I constantly am worried if people actually like me and frequently question my worth to others. And of course, I fret over making sure I follow socialization "norms". to this weekend I was very stressed because funerals overwhelm me, and I didn't know how I should conduct myself.
So when he said that, I tried to explain and defend myself, and he kept insisting that I don't have anxiety because I know how to talk to people. Has this happened to anyone before? If so, how do you handle it? | aspergers |
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