body stringlengths 51 39.8k | subreddit stringclasses 5 values |
|---|---|
Hi all. This is my first time posting on this sub so I apologize if it doesn’t belong here. Basically I (22f) have been dating my boyfriend (24m) for about 3 years. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid in elementary school but has only gotten real treatment last year. Because of this we’re both still learning about it since it’s a fairly new addition to his life, but I especially have a lot of learning to do. The biggest thing I want to learn and improve on is how to be supportive as a girlfriend. My boyfriend gets very sad a lot of times because of his ADHD, and I try to comfort him but since I personally don’t have ADHD, I can never really know how he feels or what he needs. When I ask him what I can do to help whenever he gets sad, he says I can’t do anything, but I feel like there must be something I can do and that maybe either of just don’t really know what it is or how to do it. So I guess I’m asking those on this sub who has had experience being in a relationship with someone with ADHD, how can a non ADHD partner be supportive and comforting? Thanks a bunch. | ADHD |
Am in college. Am already in mid 20s but I think I might have C-PTSD from an extensive history of child abuse. Can socialise with people a lot older but not similar-age people. This is puzzling. I don't understand why. Usually the biggest trigger is being left out by classmates. Like all of them. They created a group chat without me. I shouldn't feel bad right? This feeling is childish right...? But it affects me. I'm not sure whats wrong with me. Since life will be like that. But I'm usually happy until I think of uni and realise they left me out. My mood literally just plummets to suicidal thoughts and depression. I like the work very much. But just relating to others...fitting in...is torturous. What to do? People are everywhere. I can't stand this cycle of thougts anymore, this feeling of rejection and alienation. I am in so much pain. So much pain. Just thinking of the road ahead makes me want to give up. Game over. Couldnt pretend it didn't bother me anymore. I don't blame them, but the cause is clear.
I plan to submit my form to quit school, and after fulfilling responsibilities, I want to kill myself. I hope my classmates are finally happy. I hope everyone is happier without me. I'm sorry. Such a life is insane. Why on earth is life worth the pain. This problem will always be there. | depression |
Sometimes I’m okay. Other times I feel intense emotional pain and wish I didn’t exist. I’m not sure exactly what to call it. I don’t want to kill myself but also I wish I wasn’t alive. I’m just kind of dealing with these intense emotions and wishing I was dead.
I’m not sure what to do or how to not feel these feelings anymore. It just hurts to be existing. I hate having memories and I want to erase them to be happy but we can’t do that.
Not sure what my point is for creating this post. Maybe just an attempt to see if anyone can relate or understand what I’m trying to say. | depression |
bored in the house and in the house bored
hey fellas! does anyone have any tips for being in quarantine? Because for me atm it’s unbearable and i have no idea what i’m supposed to do :/
I have been in quarantine since monday now and it seems like i’ve done literally anything i could have done already so i kind of feel dull. Does anyone of you have any suggestions what i could do to kill some time?
I probably just need some new hyperfixation or sth | ADHD |
I get bored of everything and have trouble feeling like anything is worth living for so I just get high smoking weed. I dont want to rely on weed but that’s the only thing that makes me feel something | depression |
Later this week I have a 3 month check up with my doctor. 4 months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor put me on concerta. It honestly has changed my life. For the first time in my life I was able to relax.
The problem is that I think it’s making me depressed. I feel like an empty shell on it. Nothing interests me. I go to work, go home, sit on my phone for 5 hours, go to sleep and repeat. I used to be full of energy.
I know that their are other options from reading on here but I’m nervous that he will just take me off of medication completely. Is that something that happens or should I ask to switch medications? | ADHD |
I'm listening to the new LOTR audiobook narrated by Andy Serkis, and I keep coming across parts that are completely new to me. I was really upset because I thought the old narration that I've been listening to for years was somehow secretly abridged... But when I went to check it says in big letters "UNABRIDGED".
I then went back and listened to these parts in the old audiobook and matched it up with the new... Yep, same book. This is just the first time I've listened to it since my diagnosis and strattera prescription. Andy Serkis is also a bit more energetic in his performance, so I'm sure that helps as well.
Anyway, I thought you guys might appreciate that. I'm a little sad about everything that I've been missing without even realizing it, but it's funny too. | ADHD |
Ive had OCD my entire life and I’ve had some sort of tic throughout the years. When I was younger it would be vocal but now as an adult its physical: blinking excessively, twitching eyes, tapping with fingers. The blinking and twitching bothers me the most - any tips on how to alleviate and fix this?
Has anyone successfully gotten over their tics? Would love some advice. Im embarrassed to do these things in public. Im also not on any medication. Tia! | OCD |
I’m really depressed lately and eating is difficult though I am trying. My therapist told me to eat junk if I have to because eating something is better than nothing but it’s not really helping. I drink a lot of sugary iced coffee as it’s the only food product or whatever I can stand that I don’t mind having. If I catch a good mood I can eat but throughout the day I become so upset I almost throw it up. Life is such shit. My body feels awful. I feel awful. I know iced coffee isn’t a meal but it’s the only thing I look forward to consuming. I just hate eating right now. This sucks. | depression |
I’m a student and in my final year and I can’t study for the life of me and these neurotypical teachers at school keep trying to give me useless advice that doesn’t work. So I’m constantly worried about my exams and grades because I can’t get shit done. I feel most secure and safe in my room alone which is great for me cos I can do what I want but I have a 7 month old puppy who needs to be looked after and my mum can’t be the only one doing anything (my dad is working away all the time and my sister is at uni) , I’m struggling to even be able to spend time with my puppy or walk her or do much for her because I love her but being around other living things is very overwhelming at the moment. It’s so much easier to be alone than around people. My mum is threatening to take my dog away to a rescue so I’ve been wanting to try to do more but the more overwhelmed I get the more I want to hide and be alone and makes it so I can’t do anything I want to or need to. My dog is a great comfort to me though like when I’m crying she’ll put her head on my leg or jump on me and lie on me and lick my face until I stop crying or calm down. I already lost my previous dog in February and she was my best friend of over 13 years and I’m not ready to lose another dog. No one seems to understand my struggles and expects me to do so much they think it’s so easy to just do something or just anything but it’s not. I can’t be seen by a doctor till at least February next year and my parents and friends and school are incompetent at understanding anything and only make it all worse. My work load is piling up and I’m breaking under it all but no one understands. Not to mention my job at the moment is just seasonal work but I love it but I don’t think I’ll be good enough to be kept after Christmas. | ADHD |
Ok so. because 2020 was such a terrible year for litterly everyone I've been thinking a lot more then I usually do (I tend to think, question, philosophy about a lot normaly.)
I've been painfully aware of my own mortality which I guess would be anxiety? but I've also realised that I can't take other people seriously at times and I'm just wondering if you guys experience the same. Is it just me thinking I'm smarter then everyone else even though I'm painfully aware that I'd consider my own intelligence as avarange.
What I mean by this is. Because we live in the day and age of the internet. When ever people behave in an illogical fashion, does something stupid. It gets posted online. We laugh at it and that's fine. I know there are people that make mistakes, some just have a bad day others just. Let's say you slip on a banana? that's called not paying attention. I don't consider that ''stupid''
But sometimes I come across something that I figured was well established. This is how you do it... and then some people just manage to turn it on it's head. Like with facemasks. I don't care for anyones oppinin on it. But if you wear it and CUT a whole in it so you can ''breath'' or paris hilton and her diamond ''face mask'' or even people that pull it down under their nose, wear it on the chin and pull it back/up even though litterly everywhere you look wether it's in the stores where you buy them, the news, the goverment, your co-workers most likely.. People even tell you ''Don't touch it''
Like, if you keep fiddling with it, it becomes contaminated and then you'll just infect yourself. Wether people wanna use it or not isn't what I wanna discuss here but. What I wonder is.. is it common for people with ASD to not be able to take this seriously or am I unable to accep this because I'm thinking that I'm smarter than the averege person.
Like, in my head. All I can think of is ''There is no way this is real'' or ''This has to be a prank'' Even if I know it's real, people like this exists. I still can't get it through my head that.. this is real. People probably find it very annoying when I say ''People are idiots'' but I don't say it to insult anyone. I say it to remind myself that... yes, this is in fact real. No you're not being pranked.
​
​
TL;DR
I can't take people seriously when they do something that's completely illogical. Is it because of ASD, me thinking I'm smarter than the averege joe or what else? Can anyone relate. I need a concept for this because I find it annoying to not know why I feel this way.
Not a native speaker so. Sorry for any grammatical errors. | aspergers |
Hello everyone. I am autistic and I am having trouble understanding the concept of identity, particularly identity in terms of religious identity.
Religion wise, I'm Hindu and although I perform rituals each day, I am finding it hard to comprehend how religion can affect identity. Can someone please kindly explain?
Thanks. | aspergers |
I’ve been struggling a lot with the way kitchens smell recents, even if the bins have been emptied I can’t spend any longer than a few minutes getting food with needing to hold my breath to the point I get lightheaded. It’s gotten to the point where I have no appetite and refuse to make myself food because the smell just makes me sick. I feel like this has gotten worse over time and it’s just one more roadblocks in the way of everyday life. | aspergers |
yep. tried to fight through on of my triggers and know i feel exactly like i did at the start of this viscious cycle fuck me i should have just avoided it now im goign to have to prepare for another week of mental anguish i thought this was going to stop the trigger from being a trigger now im just back to square one | OCD |
ive been diagnosed with depression many times and treated for it. however at some point i realized it didnt really fit or at least didnt tell the whole story.
the antidepressants didnt work either. i started researching adhd and autism since last year and found that i fit many categories. ive done some testing that suggest executive dysfunction, focus issues and memory issues
im going for an official assesment for adhd next week. however, ive started to wonder if i actually have depression again.
i basically dont want to do anything ever, nothing really brings me any joy and nothing is fun. the symptoms overlap a lot but i think the difference for me is that most people with adhd have hyperfixations and special interests and i cant get into it anymore. i did have them when i was younger but i struggle to care about anything at this point.
what are your experiences with adhd and depression? | ADHD |
I vaguely remember either thinking of doing something bad, like having intrusive thoughts, or actually doing it. I also have no way to know if I did or not, I can't check.
I can't remember how old the person was, or if we even talked about anything, I just feel sick. I don't want to be like this. Maybe my brain just doesn't want me to remember so I just blocked it out somehow. And didn't even feel guilty I guess. Maybe I wouldn't be like this if I wasn't abused. I just feel dead inside.
It can't be false if I feel this bad about whatever happened | OCD |
Recently put on this drug at 30mg daily, on day 7 and the side effects are all I’m getting from this, ibs, severe crushing headache all day long, squinting the whole day because my sinuses, eyes and head hurt. Stomach is suffering bad plus permanent nausea all day. No positives at all yet, no focus just adding to the problems I have with nothing more than side effects. Does this change?? Does it get better because I had high hopes and now I’m on them it’s just awful to the point I’m debating just stopping entirely already. Any input would be great | ADHD |
Who would you rather date, a fellow aspie or a Neurotypical? | aspergers |
i was watching a video about the autism challenge and it brought back memorys from primary school
people used to come up to me and do this arm movement that was ment to mock desabled people
i was talking to my parents about this (they are all ignorent of my obvious aspergers dispite the fact my dad studyd theyripy) i couldnt bring my self to mention this
aparently this was normal behavior | aspergers |
It’s like my brain is saying “hey let’s do a million things at once” but my body replies “Yeah, Nah we don’t have enough energy for that” to which my brain says “ok then let’s do nothing” and my body replies “we have to do some things, we are at work after all” | aspergers |
ok so my boyfriend doesnt have this and were both on the spectrum right. but sometimes late at night I'll be sitting in bed with my eyes closed and the house will pop or something and I just see a sudden flash of light. like lightning or something. could it be related to my autism or is it a whole other can of worms? | aspergers |
Do you ever just feel like you disappoint everyone around you every single day?
Like, I do really feel like us ADHD folks are an incredible breed, people who have the ability to think outside societies boxes at every angle, to not get caught up and stuck on every little detail in our lives, to live a rather odd and complex existence from the POV of most people. But I find that people are initially astounded or impressed by my ADHD qualities (being social, being idealistic, optimistic), and then are incredibly disappointed when I can't follow through or back it up, or have no stamina when it comes to projects or ideas. I might be very friendly one day and then be unable to interact with you for a week. People think I've grown bored of them, when in reality it's just the chaos of my brain.
Lately I feel this way both in my job and in life. I'm working in a position that I don't think I deserve, but is the type of thing where they saw "good" things from me early on and assumed it'd translate, but it won't and can't.
​
Just making me sad lately. | ADHD |
I was 7 and 8 when I got hit by a minivan and some red car both going 30 mph. Surprisingly all I got was a sprained leg only once and smacked my head pretty hard both times on impact to where my mom said my hair was stuck on the front of the car. Im 21 now and my anxiety shoots through the roof when my mom lets me park the car in a empty parking lot in which I back out of everytime. | ptsd |
I find that one of the primary reasons I never finish any of my little one-off projects is because I have a complete inability to break things down into smaller chunks. I can see the end state, and I just want to skip forward to that.
I don’t really know or understand why I am like that. It’s pretty irritating. Is there any kind of coaching for this? I feel like it’s preventing me from even *starting*most of the small side projects I want to do. I want to write stories. I want to write software. I want to write scripts. I want to learn things.
But I get too easily distracted. I take too many notes. I worry about the finer details of how to *do* the work and not actually *doing* it. I’m sure there’s some kind of name for this, but I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I find that my brain is just too scattered on too many different things. I just want to skip forward to where it’s all done. It makes me tired, it makes me feel useless, it troubles me… a lot.
Have you ever experienced this? Do you know how to overcome it? Do I have ADHD? | ADHD |
HOW TO ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE????
I literally keep going back to Google Keep for my daily to-dos and then Google Calendar for big to-dos....
This is the bare minimum I can handle. Notion, Evernote, Trello and any other app have made me go crazy with OCD and then I just get paralyzed and don't do anything after I make humongous plans.
But I have SO many amazing ideas for my family life, business life, hobbies, future plans and my life that I never get to and it's never organized ughhhh | ADHD |
Do anyone else’s thoughts or the way you perceive things in life get “stuck”? Like you believe one thing, but when you think about it your brain can only see it one way? Idk if that makes sense but the way my brain sees things are completely different than what I want to believe and it gets stuck and makes my reality feel different than it is. | OCD |
I don't wanna fight anymore. There's nothing left to fight for. Please just let me sleep forever. | depression |
I think giving up is my best option at this point. I’m not sure what else I can do, honestly. I understand this is really not anyone’s fault but my own. I want to do better. I’m not sure what to do.
There are absolutely no extensions or excuses. There’s no way I can pass all of my classes. I’ve never been good at school since my parents decided to homeschool me and it’s been seven years. I’m almost an adult and I feel so guilty and ashamed for being like this.
I just needed to get my frustration with myself off my chest. | ADHD |
I was doing schoolwork the other day and looked up and realized “huh, I have NO friends. My partner is my only friend.” It’s like I forgot that socializing with people and making friends is like, something that people do, something that I’m supposed to be doing. I just totally forgot about that entire concept.
Is this a common thing? because it seems to happen to me a lot. | ADHD |
I have beaten my ocd in terms of my obsession, I have 0 anxiety in my daily life and forgot I even have had ocd in the past.
However, when thinking about it - I doubt a lot of things in my daily life. An example being that I believe people are lying to me when they give me compliments due to a little voice in my mind. Another example being that I assume the worst in people and doubt their reasons for things instantly.
I use to not do these things before my ocd came up years ago - but it might just be me maturing and having normal insecurities ?
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense I don’t know how to word this.
Do the people in my situation of beating ocd feel the same about the doubt through daily life ? | OCD |
I’m tired of every day being a struggle.
I wake up in the morning and struggle to start my day. Even though I know it’ll be easier once I take my meds, I never want to take them (simply because it has been labeled as an overwhelming task by my ADHD brain).
I’m so thankful for medication that alleviates the symptoms of ADHD, but I hate being reliant on them. I hate when they wear off for the day and I’m back to being stuck in my ADHD ways.
I know the science behind it makes it impossible, but I wish ADHD medication could be more like SSRIs that have lasting symptom mitigation throughout the whole 24 hours since you’ve last taken one and eventually even build up in your system over time.
On another note, when I’m finally good about taking my meds daily, the second they wear off I feel like my ADHD is 10x worse than when I am not regularly taking my meds. That is, until I realized that I only feel that way because my medication reminds me what it’s like to feel like a normal person and makes me much more cognizant of my ADHD moments.
Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? I feel like I’m stuck in a rut of frustration and it feels like an uphill battle.
I don’t even know where to get started with all of the non-ADHD people out there who say “ADD moment” and don’t truly understand how hard it is for those of us who actually have ADHD. But, that’s another rant for another day, lol.
TLDR; ADHD sucks. | ADHD |
You are *so* strong and this is worth fighting. I promise it won't always be this hard. You got this! You are stronger than this demon, no matter your theme or your intrusive thoughts, you are a strong and good person. We are all in this together and I fully believe we are stronger than OCD. | OCD |
I don't at all mean to self-diagnose, but I just need to know if this could possibly be OCD because my parents don't believe in mental illnesses so I can't exactly get a diagnosis.
When I was a bit younger maybe 8 years old (15 now), I had always told myself I had to do something a certain way, or else something bad would happen to me or a family member. My family is also religious, and I would always be stressed because I would say things about God in my head and I thought I was going to hell because of it. I don't have this problem anymore, but I have other things. Since middle school, I've been obsessed with adding up digits of every number I see, whether it's the time, a phone number, or any other number I see. This affected me especially in 7th grade, where I failed math because I couldn't focus on what we were learning, but instead added all the numbers on the page, and in the room, in my head. This stresses me out a lot because I don't like when numbers add up to certain numbers, mainly odd numbers or numbers that aren't divisible by 3.
Another problem I have is that I wash my hands a lot, even though it isn't as excessively as I've seen some posts here describing. It's more so the action of doing it that I'm concerned with than the cleanliness, although cleanliness still does matter to me. There are times where I will be trying to go to bed but I'll keep having to get up to wash my hands again because I accidentally touch something that I didn't mean to.
I also hate open doors. Any time someone opens the pantry or closet while I'm in my living room, I get up just to close it. I don't really know if this is a problem, but it's exhausting since I end up getting up to close things at least 5 times in 10 minutes.
There are a few other things but these are the main ones. | OCD |
For the longest time of hearing this advice I would mistake my rumination/obsessions about my relationship & choices for intuition, which has caused a lot of suffering. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Gut feelings” for me can either be an intuition, or an OCD compulsion. | OCD |
I've been having these thoughts stuck on a loop. The thoughts play out like a few second snippet of a movie. I CANNOT get them to go away unless I act on it. Looking for advice on how to stifle intrusive thoughts without giving in to the compulsions.
Distraction techniques, mindfulness, grounding, etc...all work well in the moment and then as soon as I'm done they come rushing back. I need to be able to concentrate at work and at home with my 2 yr old daughter, I can't constantly be doing breathing exercises and what not | OCD |
Hey, so.. I have good life, my boyfriend is amazing, my school is going fine, I have work. I should be happy. But I am not, I cannot make myself do anything. The only thing that makes me feel good is being clingy and cuddling with my boyfriend (=oxytocin) or eating (= another hormones). But when I'm alone, I can only stare to blank space, not able to do anything. How to enjoy my life and hobbies again? I can dress into workout clothes and sit like this for 3 hours on my mat but never acutally working out. I enjoyed drawing, working out, walks in nature, reading. But rn I cannot make myself do any of those activities, I just feel sad and useless. Could you advise me, please? | depression |
Hey so im prescribed olanzapine , ive been taking it since i was 18 and have had almost no problems with it , my only problem is i am depressed and need to be put on an anti depressant but none of them have worked for me and ive read up somewhere that ashwagandha is a good adjunct medicine to olanzapine and i was just wondering if anybody had any info on it and if anybody has ever tried it for themselves because im really stuck right now and im lost at what to do and its kind of my last resort , i am too anxious and very low , i have a great life and things are going good , im just down in the dumps all the time and cant fully enjoy life right now | depression |
So I'm going to keep it (relatively) short.
I'm so glad this subreddit is here. I feel significantly less alone. I started writing out a whole long post on how I have always struggled socially and always had the sense something was wrong. I don't know if I am autistic, but at this point in time (at 29) it feels like it's time to seek a diagnosis, and that is thanks to this subreddit and my recent research mostly. I keep getting super overwhelmed trying to think about writing something so I'm just going to write what I can.
CW: abuse
I was with my ex-fiancee for 7 years. She brought up several times that she thought I was autistic. But it was along the lines of "stop being so autistic" (literal words) whenever I was struggling. So I filed it in a box of "well, no one's going to help me if I am, and people will never understand and just make fun" as the person I trusted the most at that time was so mean and flippant about it. She always stroked my hair even though I told her it was too overwhelming and uncomfortable for me. Turned up her music way too loud when I couldn't cope. Complained that I spoke too monotone. Did not understand when I couldn't be intimate and made me feel shame for it and constantly criticised my masculinity. There was so much more but I think this is enough for now. I completely broke down after I split up with her, stopped being able to go to work and haven't been able to since.
I have since found another partner who understands me a lot better and seems likely to be on the spectrum herself, which is what lead me to start looking into aspergers/autism again. I couldn't believe what I was reading on this subreddit and how much I related, I've only really looked at medical websites before so looking here was something else.
Thanks for letting me vent. | aspergers |
I got into a relationship a little over a year ago while I was in remission with my depression, but slowly the past few months it has crept back in. My partner and I talk about pretty much everything and are both going through a mental health struggle. I have fallen out of love before and I do think my depression was partially the cause and I don’t want it to happen again. I want to be with this person and don’t want to hurt them but I don’t feel connected to them or to myself at the moment. My current plan is to wait things out and see if changes in our lives help our relationship, but does anyone have any other advice. I wish I knew how I felt but I don’t even feel like myself anymore. | depression |
I have these intrusive thoughts where my brain says stuff like i hope i get poisoned and then i have to say joke or il get poisoned by God.I spend hours going back and forth saying stuff like i was just kidding and if i refuse i have to make a new accounts or the worst will happen.I have made like 30 accounts since this year on reddit and idk how many before that so i post here often.Im just wondering if someone else can relate. | OCD |
about a year ago, i had the worst panic attack of my life, which sent me into an episode of dpdr (which i am STILL dealing with) i was dealing with embarrassing compulsions and scary intrusive thoughts that made me feel like i was a monster. I'm spiraling again. and i can't do this anymore, I've been doing my compulsions bc if i don't, i feel guilty or scared of what might happen to me. im honestly scared as that im going insane dude. fml. | OCD |
CW for religious OCD and brief SA mention!
Hello everyone, today I kissed my friend after months of religious obsession with compulsive purity rituals. I would try and scrub my skin off in order to be "free" of the touch of my abuser, obsess about being pure, etc.
​
So today, since my thoughts weren't consuming me, I decided to let myself win over my OCD. So I kissed my friend, even though it sounds silly, it kinda smacked into me that I don't have to be pure or saintly; my logical side kicked in over my OCDs. I don't need to spend hours in the shower in order to be an angel, and I won't. And I'm so happy now, even if another episode happens soon, I'm so happy that I chose to make that decision. Now it means that I can fight my OCD if I try, and now I WANT to try. This stupid disorder has got nothing on me anymore, nor does my abuse. | OCD |
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm thinking of getting on medication. However, while I do think medication might benefit me, I'm also concerned that it will aggravate my panic disorder. I'm very sensitive to stimulants, to the point where even a cup of green tea can cause me to have a panic attack. I've heard of non-stimulant medications that help people with co-morbid anxiety, but I'm not sure which ones will be right for me since some of them also seem to target norepinephrine, which might also cause panic attacks for me. Is there anyone here who has a similar experience as mine who could help me figure out what to do? | ADHD |
im going to speak from personal experienced and the world statistics in general.
Only 5 percent get married half live with their parents a significantly higher suicide rate. people act like having it is some fucking superpower and that its "the next step in human evolution" most people with it will never reproduce but its somehow the next step in human evolution. you see fucking imbeciles who say this shit dont have Asperger/autism or dont know anyone with it with the exception of maybe one heavily autistic person they saw in a special needs class and where nice to them out of pity. as another person in this sub said. we are just a form of entertainment to them. they see an autistic person in a movie who can read alien writhing somehow and they think OMG THEY SO SMART I WISH I WAS SPECIAL LIKE THEM. or when they make fun of someone who acts weird because he has it. They have absolutely no idea how its like to be seen as that weird dude with no friends at sitting alone in the yard. they think shit like this dosent exist. because in their mind its imaginable to be lonely its normal for these people to have like 20 friends ive seen teens in groups of 20 in the park.
unless you a born with some talent like drawing you're fucked no one will heir you. dosent help that a lot of us do horrible in school to the point where they just drop out. not to mention the bullying. its basically illegal to have it in school. you sit alone you get seen as a school shooter you try to be social you get mocked or seen as a creep. you get overwhelmed when teachers ask you something everyone mocks you including the teacher. no matter what you do. in some school in the US some child got almost beat to death by the entire school because they thought it would be funny. he has autism right? hes not a person its ok to kill him which is just the step after what we get seen as on average weird at best school shooter at worst
my experience.
ive been a shut in for ten years im 17 in January. i have nothing to enjoy in my entire life only one online friend and that's it. im dropping out of school next month because i cant work anyway and i was cutting my wrists on the school hill and was writhing a suicide note . while my old teacher was telling us how amazing this year will be and that it will be the best years of our lives. its at the point where ive questioned am i real and if im not in some simulation. i go to a store to bye blades i get a suicide prevention add. after my crush cucked me i go to my therapists and the add on their radio is like "do you remember you're first kiss" i go to the park to sit on a hill because im lonely i look over and see happy people having fun around the campfire. its like the world is specifically arranged in a way to make me want to blow my brains out and i almost did. the last 4 years in school have been nothing but pain and suffering. seeing all these fucking people have friends makes me just ill and im not going to deal with it. its not enough that that it hurts me and in my head im just please for the love of god at least leave me alone but of course they wont. i sit alone people look at me weird. i take a walk the girls in front off me think im following them. i tap a girl on the back to ask a question "why are you touching me with utter shock and horror in her face. ok i understand you hate me for exiting. i just walk by someone "you look like a guy who would shoot up a school for fun" i cant do any work because im to slow and im getting checked for pure ocd because im get intrusive thought about things. i just cant use to spend like 3 hours on maths when i as younger but i still got called fucking lazy. teachers parents im just fucking lazy. hey where did all that money i got for the treatment go mom? why haven't you got me help back in 2013 when i go diagnosed? yeah because no one cares about people like me including my parents. i dont even know what else to say i had more sht to say but i dont know what to say and no one cares anyway. i cant get a job might get a sidejob but i dont see the point at this point im alone | aspergers |
Hi guys,
I just had a thought occur to me that perfectly describes some of my most repetitive and pervasive thoughts and just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way…
I struggle with one real-event OCD thought, one that persists and bothers me nearly every day. Now I know that one element of this thought happened, however it happened such a long time ago, so my memory of the entire event is not clear. And thus is when and where the false-memory OCD intervenes, and starts to make up scenarios or reasons as to why I did that thing, sparking off my anxiety and making me believe I’m a heinous individual.
I was just wondering if anyone could relate? And what you do to combat it? It really makes me doubt what was real and what isn’t and makes me question myself as a whole and my morals etc.
Would appreciate anyone’s input, thanks. | OCD |
It’s hard to explain it all started with this thought and ever since my feelings have been weird i remember being at work and got this thought that I will not be able to feel the same again because of these thoughts I’m getting, it’s hard to feel relaxed etc u guys feeling like this too? | OCD |
Hi, so my best friend has ADD and lately she's been going through some stuff that has been really stressful and just hard for her to deal with. Short story time: 3 months ago we went to our friend's birthday party and we both got really drunk for the first time in our lives (we are 18 btw). Tbh, this fucked us up. At that time, I was also going through the worst time of my life and after that night, all I could think about all day was how I wish I was drunk in that moment. And then I found out my best friend felt the same.
So long story short, we were both v mentally unstable and both of our dads are alcoholics so we both started drinking kinda regularly. Thankfully, I stopped bcs my mental health got better and was able to control myself.
My best friend doesn't drink a lot because she has a really low tolerance and even a few sips are enough to make her v tipsy. She sometimes drinks a little in the middle of the day when she gets overwhelmed by smth. It has only happened a few times but ik it can become a big problem.
Ik that she is aware that it's not okay and ik that the only thing I can do is be there for her and support her and talk to her about this. And I am planning to have a serious conversation with her about it. But I wanted to ask: is there anything I should say or do? Is there anything in particular that I could tell her that would be helpful? Also any other type of advice is welcome.
(I have to mention that she doesn't really have access to therapy or professional help and doesn't have a family who would be helpful)
Thank you so so much for reading till the end and I am sorry if I didn't express myself well enough, English isn't my first language. | ADHD |
I will use this definition of masking: Changing your behavior as to not reflect your inherent self.
What does that mean? It could be expressed as using meticulously practiced body behaviors to achieve acceptance in the social hierarchy.
Now what do I mean by it “gets a bad rep”?
A lot of people who I’ve met and who has aspergers have said that they are masking and it’s exhausting. Therefore it is something bad and they wish people could just accept them for who they are. There seems to be some kind of bad connotations to it.
What I think. Masking is like using a particular bowing technique for playing the violin. It’s damn exhausting but it produces an incredible sound that can be enjoyed by many. It does reduce the duration of which I can play the instrument but the quality of that time outweighs the alternative. Therefore I would wish for you to view masking as a technique of which you can navigate the social hierarchy with, and not as some bad chore your parents are forcing you to do. For those who understand it very well it can also serve as a gift. A gift of knowledge and wisdom that can grant higher social abilities than neurotypical people who simply do it unconsciously. Therefore one must practice it rather than despise it. | aspergers |
When I hear a baby cry it sends me into a state of shock, almost like when you jump into a cold pool of water and I feel it all the way down my neck and my arms. Babies/Children screaming is even worse, like that high pitched bloody murder scream that they love to do can send me into a full fledged meltdown in the middle of the grocery store.
I want to have kids when I'm older and married, which I still have a while until I want it to happen, but I'm so scared that I won't be able to be around the baby. I'm scared that the baby will make me want to rip my hair out. There's always the idea of adopting an older kid, and I do plan to, but I want to have some of my own too, and I just fear that I'll become paralyzed when my child needs me. | ptsd |
This is one that I really struggle with, even on the best of days. I cannot resist stopping somewhere when driving to grab a soft drink, or energy drink.
No matter what I do or tell myself, I always find myself buying these, at both a determent to my savings and health.
What are some of the things you do to avoid and resist the impulses? Everything I've tried doesn't seem to work in the long run and could do with some more advice. Thank you | ADHD |
When I was a boy, I had a busy leg, always shaking going up and down, I didn't know why but it made me feel good, I found it calming and relaxing. It seemed bizarre, inexplicable to me that no one else did that. My parents reminded me constantly to knock it off. Eventually, I did--in college, I think.
I discovered that rocking chairs are socially acceptable, as are swing sets, and gliders.
I fell in love with my Grandmother's rocking recliner and old-fashioned, cherry wood rocking chair and was heartbroken when neither of these items went to me. I bet they wound up sold to a dealer.
Today, I was looking for something to splurge on with my 1 week only, $1.99 Amazon Prime Membership, since I get 5% off via the Amazon card, and I came upon this...
[https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb\_sb\_noss](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb_sb_noss)
I got to say, these ACME rocking chairs really hit the spot, looks-wise. I want "all of the above". Yet, I'm sad, because my house is not big enough to accommodate all these rocking chairs, and sadly, I already have stuff in my house. I will have to sacrifice and make do with only one rocking chair for the time being.
Which do ya think I should get? I am open to suggestions. Just remember, it has to look good and match my decor, which is antique / dark-stained furniture and floors. I don't know whether I want upholstered or not. | aspergers |
[BBC Youtube video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oPISjhQhu8)
Gender bias is leaving many women with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) undiagnosed, leading psychologists are warning. The stereotype that ADHD affects only "naughty boys" means it is estimated tens of thousands of women in the UK are unaware they have the condition, and are not receiving the help they need. Another factor leading to slow diagnosis is the fact that symptoms of ADHD in women tend to be more subtle than in men, meaning signs can be missed. These women have shared their stories of their struggle to be diagnosed.
​
Typed a short post, that wasn't long enough, botted, can't remember what I said, hope a copy pasta from the video is ok. | ADHD |
I have mild aspergers (barely on the spectrum) and I think the Aspergers diagnosis did a good job in emphasizing that it was a milder form of autism in general with its own unique characteristics. The problem with calling it autism is that many people still think of the word "autistic" and think of DSM-IV autism disorder, which was a much more severe and categorically different form. Also, my aspergers is atypical in its presentation (I have decent social skills, I can read people's facial expressions, emotions, tone of voice). In fact, my social skills are good enough to where I'm a licensed therapist; my whole job is social all day! Its other things rather than the classic social problems that manifest.
I know I may take a lot of flak for this but it's my opinion, and the ICD still uses Aspergers so beyond the USA its a perfectly valid diagnosis.
I know this will be controversial, but I don't really agree with the autistic online community on Reddit on practically anything. I believe functioning labels are appropriate. And yes, if I could cure the unhelpful parts of my aspergers through gene therapy or meds, I would. My Aspergers isn't central to my identity like it is for many. | aspergers |
(This is mostly a long rant, but I would be interested in ideas or methods that would help.)
Basically, because I get Adderall prescribed by the psychiatrist employed by my university, I have to go to ADHD skill training with a "skills mentor". Today was my first session and I feel like she didn't listen to me at all. It took until the last 5 minutes for her to realize that I'm a senior and not a freshman.
But the thing thats really getting to me about this session was her insistence that I get a paper planner and plan my day out minute by minute. I tried explaining that I literally have 3 shoeboxes full of dead planners that I use once and never look at again, and she told me that I was using that as an excuse not to try. She told me digital planners weren't an option for this exercise (because "they don't work as well as paper planners") and that I would need to bring in the planner I use for the next session so she could see how I was doing.
She gave me a basic student planner but I hate the layout and the way the paper feels and it's just not a planner that I would pick out for myself, and I have tried so, so many planners so I know that it isn't even close to the planners that I was able to keep up with for more than a week or two.
I've been doing alright with using just my Google calendar for the last year or so, but she just kept telling me that I was obviously not doing well enough if I needed to see her, regardless of the reason why I'm actually seeing her (to be able to continue getting my prescription from the psychiatrist.)
I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack trying to keep up with a paper planner. I lose them, I forget they exist, I just can't keep up with using them. For years, I bought a new planner every semester hoping I'd keep up with them, sometimes multiple planners a semester hoping a new layout would help me keep up with it. My mom buys me a planner for Christmas every year. I have at least 30 planners from the last 4 years that prove it isn't going to work for me.
And that's not even addressing the fact that she wants me to document minute by minute how I'm going to use my time. I've tried it before a few times and it just... doesn't work for me. It doesn't matter if I write down that I'm going to study a subject for an hour everyday, when I inevitably don't do it one day, I just give up completely because I failed at doing it. It puts so much stress on me to think I have to do exactly what's listed on the schedule at that time. And it makes me shut down completely.
Or even if I stick to the schedule, I feel terrible because I miss out on doing fun or impulsive things with my friends. If someone invites me out during the time I have planned to read for a class, I either feel terrible for canceling on them or terrible for skipping my designated reading time. The last time I tried scheduling my life by the minute, I gave up because I was miserable trying to schedule time to see other people and was so isolated trying to make the schedule work. I don't know how to schedule free time, like the mentor told me to, when I know that it'll most likely be free time by myself.
And how am I supposed to know exactly how much time I'll need to do something? I have no concept of time, I have no idea if a task will take 10 minutes or 5 hours. Honestly, the same task could take 10 minutes to do one day but 3 hours the next time I do it. I have no idea how to schedule every second of my life and know that it's a reasonable amount of time to do something.
I know that I need structure in my life to make it work but I don't think this is the way that I can build structure for myself. I know that I have terrible time management because of how in the moment I live my life, but I've already tried to plan out my life minute to minute and it felt like I was getting less done than when I just did what I wanted to in the moment. It feels like she's asking me to become a different person. And I don't think that I can do that. I don't think I can be the kind of person who can live by a mandatory schedule.
Has doing these things helped anyone else? Is there a way to do it without making me go into a full panic everytime I realize I'm "behind" schedule? Is there a magic planner that will make me actually use it instead of filling out one week and then discarding it to my planner graveyard? The mentor insisted that paper planners work best for people with ADHD, but I honestly have never been able to make them work.
Edited to add: I'm realizing that I'm feeling so much stress because I feel like this is just another way I'm being set up to fail. Not only am I falling behind in classes because of my ADHD, I'm going to fail ADHD skills training. It's just one more way my brain is going to screw me over and I can't figure out how to overcome it. | ADHD |
My OCD has gotten worse. Not to mention my other stuff lol- depression ADHD, trichotillomania, anxiety. It piles up. I’m tired. I haven’t showering in 22? Days. Before that I showered once and went a week, same pattern on and on. I picked my face. I did everything that I guess I should not be doing. Yesterday, my psychologist mentioned intensive outpatient or possible inpatient if I neglect myself.
I honestly switch between terrified, and yes, let me go. Let me get help more extensive than what’s making it worse. (Partially due to ADHD meds. But I can’t go off those. I would lose all focus.)
Today I told two friends and continued research into what exactly each program entails. What I can bring, not bring, because I can’t shower, and if I can’t shower, I’ll have to go.
She tried to tiptoe around the fact that shel will suggest that. I can’t tell either of my parents- she hasn’t brought it up to them.
She didn’t say inpatient till the end. It was the first session where she told me she was really concerned and that I was inching towards full on neglect. (Even though I managed to wash just my hair, and put on fresh clothes. Huge step.) And she tried to just say the outpatient one, but she kept saying inpatient without the actual word.
The anxiety I go through, the rituals I have to take. The pain it causes. The lack of energy and motivation.
I’m unsure of what to do anymore. I’m 17. I’m worried about being placed in a psych ward. I’m doing research so I can have say in where I go- based off insurance coverage and OCD.
My depression hit an all time low today. I normally don’t feel sad, just baseline as I call it. I was so tired, and I felt sad?
I just moved in with my father too. Great.
But hey- there’s at least some good looking ones nearby that take my moms insurance, and specialize in OCD and ADHD and depression, and just generally seems great. | OCD |
My thoughts are like Tourette’s, they happen regardless of what I do and I Can’t stop them. It feels like I should be able to just easily stop them but it’s almost impossible. Anyone know why? | OCD |
How do you even start the conversation? What about those who appear or are openly skeptical, do you even try?
I suffered from PTSD for 24 years before my diagnosis and treatment started. I'm able to look back now and see the damage my hostility and related symptoms/behaviors caused, and how had I been of a state of mind to respond to situations better the damage could have been avoided.
I know the PTSD wasn't my fault. I knew I needed help after the event that caused it and even tried to seek treatment, but was misdiagnosed and was under the impression that what I was suffering from would only affect me in very specific circumstances, so I didn't seek any further treatment and made sure to avoid those circumstances.
I want to repair the damage I've done, but it seems the only way to do that is to apologize for something that wasn't my fault and that I was really powerless to prevent. Apologizing without explaining the reasons why seems like taking responsibility for something that wasn't my fault. And I'm concerned apologizing while explaining the PTSD would just sound like I'm making excuses since PTSD is not understood well be those who haven't experienced it; I used to be one of those people.
I really feel bad for what everyone went through when I was a different person. I can see their hurt and I want to take it away. Not because I want something from them, but because it's a burden they shouldn't have to bear. If they want to pick up from where we left off great, if not I know I'll just have to accept that, but it won't be without sadness. | ptsd |
This is my final post. I would like to thank everyone who has given me advice over the past few months, since I started using this platform, and wish you all nothing but the best. I’ve come to realise that most of reddit is a largely unhealthy echo-chamber, which (now that I’ve turned 15), I‘ve decided I don’t want to be a part of. I cannot in good conscience continue to support the platform that defended Aimee Challenor, even if they did end up firing her.
Thank you for everything.
\- Electrical-Stretch-5 | OCD |
So i watched a documentary on a guy who was an IT specialist and did some bad things and had to deal with the law.
Currently i am in CS major and now i fear that i will learn how to hack and do bad stuff and i’ll be involved with the law. Rationally , a lot of people finish their degrees in cs and do regular jobs and don’t get caught with like police or FBI but the thought won’t go away.
Like i don’t want to think this, it’s completely irrational to think this on top of the fear of being watched but i jst can’t . I don’t want to switch my major cause i like it and i also dont want to go down the schizophrenia ocd hole again :( | OCD |
A lot of times when I'm aroused, I keep remembering the strong smell of "aged" piss, for example. Or remember that smegma exists, or that assholes can't be totally clean when doing cunnilingus (they still have a dirty smell after cleansing). These thoughts keep undermining my sexual desire. Is that a thing from OCD? From a internalized homophobia? That's just fucking weird. | OCD |
I literally watch this video like 4 times a day. It helps me a lot. Maybe it will you too.
[Pure O](https://youtu.be/1nu6VsjoEDQ) | OCD |
TW: Injury, Intrusive Thoughts, Sexual Assault, Substances
Hi all, long time lurker, first time poster in this reddit. A little bit about my backstory: 25 year old male diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia, and ADHD. I recently checked out of an intensive outpatient and PHP trauma related program which was the first time that I was able to truly get help for my PTSD. I've been in therapy since I was 4, on meds shortly after that, and I've been in inpatient and was sent to a wilderness therapy program as well in my teens. My PTSD stems from an eye injury when I was 7 where a stick went through my eye and I lost sight in the eye and my other eye wasn't able to see for weeks after (still horrible vision). It also stems from adoption trauma (severe abandonment issues), severe bullying growing up, and more recently, my therapist and i just started trauma work surrounding my sexual encounters and how one night changed them.
When I was a senior in high school, I was at a small house party with friends and this younger student showed up with his friend and had somehow gotten invited to the party. I remember drinking that night and the guy constantly encouraging me to take shots and get drunker. I completely blacked out and when I blacked back in, I was half naked on the bed with the guy on top of me starting to take off my pants and give me oral before blacking back out. I remember trying to scream no but I was now in what i know to be called a freeze. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I felt trapped inside my body and I couldn't call my friends for help from the other room. I was completely frozen. I remember hearing from a friend that the guy admitted to her that he purposely got himself invited to the party to get me drunk and hook up with me because he knew i would never do it sober. Long story short, from then on my experiences with sex further worsened. I began to only have sex with people that weren't the right fit for me and every time I had sex, I had to either be drunk out of my mind or stoned out of my mind. Every time I have sex, I'm trapped in my mind. I'm trying to scream no at the top of my lungs and get myself out of the situation but my body continues going through the motions on auto pilot, seeking to further harm my brain and mental state. Anytime a guy touches me, I jump back in a startled response and freeze. I also see flashes of him performing oral whenever I'm having sex with someone else and get really violent intrusive thoughts that flash through my mind about the person I'm currently with and myself.
My biggest concern is that I've never been able to have sex with someone I like without immediately shutting down after. If I'm dating someone, i normally try to push off sex for as long as I can because I know the moment I orgasm with them, I immediately emotionally shut down and never see them again. I see them as some vile person even though they did nothing wrong.
I'm really struggling to come to terms with the fact that my therapist and psychiatrist have been referring to what happened to me as Rape. I constantly question whether i consented that night, I constantly question what would've happened if I didn't let him get me drunk, I constantly question how I let that happen and why I couldn't stop it and say no because i froze. I've been able to accept my other traumas and have begun doing intense work on them but this is the only one that I feel like I cannot accept--even though my mental health team has pushed me to start working through it. I had a session with my therapist a few days ago where as we started talking about the incident, my body felt hot and I felt sick to my stomach. How can I get through this and finally accept what happened?
I just feel so alone when it comes to my mind's experience during sex and so frightened that it won't ever go away. | ptsd |
I started Cognitive Processing Therapy in October of 2019. Part of my intake forms was filling out a form called PCL-5 it has 20 categories, each with a minimum score of 0 and maximum score of 4. These are all added up to a maximum of 80, The Department of Defense who made this system to help quantify and view change, says that a total score of above 31-33 is worth looking into for PTSD. I before my therapy I scored a 56/80. I am now about 4 sessions remaining, and I scored today at a 36/80!!! I'm so close to being where I need to be and I'm so glad I took the risk to try it out. I'll definitely update everyone when I finish, I'm so excited! The only major categories scoring a 4 are all the sleep related ones unfortunately, but I've got a game plan to help me through that. | ptsd |
I suck at it, and I'm getting worse. I can't seem to keep aware of my surroundings and I constantly make these stupid mistakes. I almost got into a car accident because I was about to turn right when the cars opposite me were going to my right. I'm that stupid. I started practicing when I was 16 and I still suck. My main problem is I don't care enough about it, so it's hard to want to practice. It's so scary and every time I do it I get put in a horrible mood. I hate how all these people who are way stupider than me are able to figure out this incredibly simple thing and I just can't. I feel overwhelmed. I don't know if I'll be good enough when the driving test comes around and I'm scared. | ADHD |
Hi all,
I’m 27, studying overseas after military service.
I’ve been trying to finish my masters and I’m halfway in, while all along trying to get better from post-military PTSD.
While studies I was juggling all sorts of symptoms— blackouts, constant panic attacks, hallucinations, and I was physically sick from constant sleep deprivation and not being able to keep much food down.
I’m thinking maybe it’s time I accepted that I can’t do this. I’ve started getting blood in my stool and have been constantly shutting down because of the added stress.
I’m sure you guys have life to deal with along with your struggles. What are your thoughts? Should I give up study and go back home?
Thanks. | ptsd |
I’ve been diagnosed with ASD only recently, about a month ago, and in my research to lean more about my diagnosis I’ve come across some articles linking autism and sleep problems.
I’ve dealt with major sleep issues my whole life, but have never really found a suitable solution to it. I was wondering if anyone else here also struggles with major sleep problems and what y’all do to help with it?
Most recently I’ve been taking melatonin supplements when I really need to get to sleep, but I prefer not to take anything and usually just try to force myself to sleep naturally, which most often ends with me laying in bed awake all night tossing and turning. | aspergers |
Okay, two things I don't love about study/work from home order: (1) the fact that the measure is enforved rather than optional, (2) compulsory Zoom or telephone meetings.
But, it just occurred to me tonight, that I don't actually have to leave my flat for the next 12 months, except to buy supplies.
I really love this.
I love working in athleisure gear, in my own time, at my own pace, how I want to.
When the pandemic is over, I would choose wfh over anything else.
Do you love wfh? | aspergers |
This is a long post but i wanted to be detailed in everything going on and my feelings. I posted this in another recovery sub but wanted to also get my ADHD community'a perspective:
I am 7 months sober, and take ADHD medicine that for me and my recovery- i know my intentions in taking my meds are in no way for any other reason but for ADHD symptoms. I have never abused it and am very honest with myself when i take it to be sure I'm in right intentions for my sobriety. With that said honestly said..
So a while back when my SO (and the absolute love of my life and sober partner) and I first started dating he asked me about my sobriety and if I was taking substances at all. I have kind of learned from past experiences about telling people about me taking Adderall as prescribed and being judged in my recovery and didn’t want him to do that or doubt that I was honestly sober because he personally wouldn’t be able to take this medicine and consider himself sober- he was really insistent on how he needs to be with someone who is completely sober and can’t be with someone who isn’t or is taking things he doesn’t consider in sobriety.
When he asked me, I at the time wasn’t on it nor had been for a day or so, and didn’t have any left because I ran out and was still figuring out finding a new doctor
(I moved states).
So, in fear of him judging my sobriety, not wanting to be with me or have a relationship with me because of fear and trusting me, not understanding why I take it and how I don’t abuse it, just making his own conclusions and basing our relationship future off of a difference in opinions with my medicine and not allowing us to continue one or have trust because I take it- I didn’t bring up that I had still taken it in sobriety or that I was still planning on taking it eventually in the future.
I did it out of fear of losing him being misunderstood with my ADHD diagnosis and how i manage my symptoms, judgement of my recovery and sobriety and me personally. Plus, we had just started our relationship. So in my head it wasn’t that I wanted to lie or keep something from him, I just wasn’t ready to tell him about taking meds yet, I wanted to wait until we were more into our relationship and created more of a foundation of trust and love- I thought that then I would be able to have shown him how strong my recovery/sobriety is and how he can trust me entirely and trust my sobriety and we could talk about me being able to take my meds and understand how that doesn’t affect my recovery.
I figured he’d be able to still love me and believe me later when I told him finally. I was so afraid he would get scared and leave or give up because I know he’s ultimately protecting his sobriety and his life above all else which is the most important. And I understand how being with someone who takes substances is a no no and very scary for him.
But I felt worse and worse about keeping this one thing from him, I finally talked and was open to him about me taking it.
He wasn’t happy, upset that I wasn’t completely honest and transparent from the get go, I explained why I was fearful and took responibility for where was wrong cuz I was- he says he understands.
He loves me a lot and was hurt on that- and told me he can’t be with someone who takes controlled substances for his own sobriety. So I ultimately made him sad, wasn’t as understood as I hoped to be about my meds, and have to choose between being with him or taking my medication.
I told him I choose him, and I don’t want him to still have lost trust in me, or feel any future doubt or inability to be with me now that he knows I have taken it recently and used it at all- and I don’t want him to fear our relationship whether or not I take it was based on me lying. I don’t know if hell wholeheartedly be able to trust me, and I also don’t know if I can just stop taking this medicine and that is fair either.
I don’t want to be on this medication forever, I need to find a doctor here and willing to find other solutions for meds, but I have them now and they help me, and I wish I hadn’t told him because everything I thought would happen kind of did, not to extremes at all, but I hurt him, he is worried a little and needs to think this over if we can get passed it, and ultimately he wouldn’t have known I was taking it- because it doesn’t change who I am and id taken it around him before I ran out- and none of this would have happened and I wouldn’t have hurt or worried him for no reason.
But I hated omiting truth to him, and if were a team I needed to be completely honest sooner than later and hope he’d understand, and I think he’s trying to on the why I kept it from him part- but now I don’t know how to make things better with him, im scared I messed things up, I don’t want to lie to him and take my medicine without telling him, I want us to get back to where we were in our feeling for one another and love and trust, and I am so scared we won’t be able to.
I don’t know how I should feel, im so sad I hurt him, im afraid to lose him, and I don’t know how to handle the medication situation and if I strait up need to choose him over taking helpful meds until I can change them- or if in this situation, its okay to maybe not involve him in my medication stuff. I don’t know if im completely in the wrong, and I don’t know what to do from here between us.
Please any suggestions/support and experiences will help greatly! | ADHD |
Hey everyone, I (M21) have always exhibited and struggled with symptoms of ADHD. Due to a stigma around mental health in my family, I was never tested for it as a child although my schoolwork and other tasks were always lacking.
I've spoken to my General Practitioner about my symptoms and it was enough for him to prescribe me Adderall. The thing is though, I would really like an official diagnosis so people like my parents can stop brushing me off whenever I talk about my mental health.
How did you get your diagnosis? What's the best recommended path for someone like me getting diagnosed as an adult living in the US? | ADHD |
I can’t think. I can’t complete complex tasks. I feel slow, mentally and physically. I feel like parts of my brain are missing. You get the picture. Thanks for reading. | ptsd |
I’ve been depressed for a few years now, and it comes in waves. It seems like sometimes it’s a result of some small thing that gets me extremely emotional, or (most of the time) it just comes in waves out of nowhere and is a self propelling illness. I’ll be depressed for a time and won’t be able to get out of bed, then I end up getting more depressed since I’ve been in bed the whole day and feel like a failure, etc. The problem is, I’m reaching out for help but am having trouble explaining what’s wrong. I know something is off, life has lost its color and nothing is worth the energy anymore, but I couldn’t tell you why. Most mental health evaluations ask what’s wrong as a first step, and it seems like something is just fundamentally wrong with me because I don’t know how I got here. Even in times in my life when I had a life and was active in the world, I would have a nagging at me that brought me down when I was alone. My head is never quiet, but I’ve never been able to pinpoint where on earth this is all coming from. It’s pretty frustrating to be honest. | depression |
I’m trying to come off of quetiapine under the supervision of my psychiatrist. Since I’ve hit 25mg I noticed my mind doesn’t stop. I also noticed intrusive thoughts and they are very often and I can’t stand them. I’m fighting with my self all day to convince my self I’m ok and these thoughts aren’t reality. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but perhaps years of quetiapine masked it? Has anyone had a similar experience? | OCD |
Does anyone else have this thing where they can read people extremely well and do well socially etc. (thank God) but are absolutely useless/have a blind spot when it comes to anything to do with sexual interest and flirting? I honestly don’t understand - and it also makes me very confused because men seem to really really like me as a person but I don’t read them properly otherwise. (I am not diagnosed/don’t want one, long story, but test well above the threshold for autism.)
I was sitting overhearing what I thought was a textbook example haha of a date (and realizing that the “dates” I’ve been on...mostly weren’t) and THEN the girl has a boyfriend and THEN the guy...was gay? What? To be fair his back was to me and I was trying not to be creepy but they were talking really loudly.
Sitting here feeling awful about myself, again. | aspergers |
Yes, including the sink, toilet and floor. And the tub. I work nights and got up today and made myself do a cleaning project before work.
Background: I’m a Nurse Practitioner and my pcp won’t prescribe medication for adhd, even though we both know I have it, because I’m “too successful and you don’t need it.” So I have to force myself to do The Things. | ADHD |
Hey again.
So this post is going to contain some talk about suicidal thoughts and will also involve a lot of me talking about medication and the healthcare system where I live. Please don't read if the suicidal stuff could be a trigger, and please don't take anything I say as medical fact because I'm not a doctor and kind of an idiot.
Seriously. I am not a medical professional and I don't know very well what I'm doing.
This is all from the best of my memory, too. Which will also affect the accuracy.
Basically, the plan was as follows: use the GeneSight results as a guide to figure out what medication to take next, and try that out. That was it. That was the whole plan. And on-paper, it's simple enough.
Since then, I've heard a lot of conflicting info about GeneSight. I've heard a lot about the FDA not approving of gene testing for figuring out which brain meds might work best for someone. I've also heard people saying that there's a fundamental misunderstanding as to how many people view the gene testing and its use in figuring out which medication to use.
There's also [this](https://www.fda.gov/medical-devices/precision-medicine/table-pharmacogenetic-associations), which I'll admit I haven't read in-full, but I don't know if the FDA's changed their views on things or whatever. To be totally blunt, I'm too mentally burnt to read anything at all lately.
Regardless, GeneSight said something funny.
In the column of "not recommended" meds sat the two that I've been on primarily since this all began way back in 2006, Lexapro and Paxil. I switched from Lexapro to Paxil maybe around 2013ish.
This was funny because while both those meds kinda sorta kept my head above water, I've yet to make any genuine dent in the disorder itself.
The most I've done for myself is become Atheist, which helped because I was in a very toxic religious situation from 2006 up until 2016 (faded off before that but didn't *end* til 2016), but beyond that, there's been literally zero change in how the disorder actually works.
For that reason, I felt I might want to trust GeneSight. Maybe it was right, maybe these two meds weren't right for me, and maybe that's part of why I've yet to make a dent in this disorder in spite of suffering from it since 2006.
The medication I was going to be trying was Anafranil.
What's unfortunate is, the psych wanted me to *completely stop* Paxil for two days before introducing the Anafranil. Not only that, the stopping process was rather fast. It failed one time, then we tried again slightly slower, and it failed again.
The second time it failed, I went to the ER.
To be fair, I didn't want to go to the ER. But the other mental health emergency places we looked at had *waiting periods* of *months.* I think the only way to actually get emergency help from there was if I was actively suicidal, which is a point I haven't reached yet.
At the ER, at a hospital in New Jersey that I won't name, I have to assume that they were a mess because of covid.
I told my symptoms (including some sensitive and upsetting stuff) to at least two medical professionals *while within earshot of other staff and patients.*
Once they gave me a bed (one of those beds with a curtain, so not an actual room), I was also within earshot of hearing another patient's medical information as well.
When it was finally time, after a few hours, to talk with their psych, I did so on the ER's fucking office phone. During the 20 minute conversation, the phone continually beeped because other departments were trying to call in. This means that, once again, I was describing my symptoms within earshot of other people.
During the conversation he asked if I wanted to be admitted. By this point, the answer was no.
While I needed help and was desperate, I think I knew on some level that I didn't feel like I'd be much safer here than I would be at home.
I ended up deciding on the thing I did the last time shit went crazy like this, and the following morning I called my primary doc for a couple of Ativan pills to help me straighten out.
I skipped ahead though, they took maybe another two hours or so to actually discharge me from the ER. And they couldn't prescribe the Ativan themselves because controlled substances and such.
So anyway, after all that, we went back to the drawing board and instead of sticking to the Anafranil plan, we switched to a med called Viibryd.
Viibryd is a medication I'd literally never heard of before all of this. And while I've seen a couple of people say they had good experiences on it, I was nervous because of how new it was on my own radar.
Not only that, the psych told me to go back down to 5mg of the Paxil in order to *prepare* to switch. The switch would've started tomorrow, so I must've went on my first 5mg this past Thursday or Friday.
I ended up waking up at 9ish each morning, unable to go back to sleep, anxiety levels super high, overwhelmed and crying. At first I thought it was Ativan effects or withdrawal, but the last Ativan I had used was a number of days prior to that, and I hadn't even used that much.
My best guess is that the rollercoaster of Paxil adjustments, followed by now being on that low dose of 5mg again, was too much for my system.
So between Saturday and Sunday, I realized a few things.
The first was this: GeneSight or not, Viibryd was brand new to me. At GeneSight's best, I still don't think it's actually able to say "this medication *will help.*" Which means I was doing all of this to start a medication that could potentially end up doing nothing. Not only that, I didn't know how long it would take for the Viibryd to actually start helping me out of the hell hole that the low dose of Paxil had put me in.
The second was this: I wasn't making it to Tuesday. I didn't know what that looked like, I didn't know what that meant. All I knew was that the days were becoming harder and harder to deal with at all.
And the third was this: If the ER was swamped and fucked up because of covid, *every* ER might be swamped and fucked up because of covid.
Every time the possibility of a mental health crisis has been brought up in my life, the answer was always "Go to the ER."
As far as I understand it, if I'm going off the experience of just the one ER I was in, *that wasn't an option.*
If shit hit the fan before Tuesday, or even after (if the Viibryd didn't work fast enough), what the fuck would happen to me? Would I have to *be* suicidal to get proper care at an Emergency Room or other emergency mental health place? And if I was, how much help would they be if they were swamped with covid? AND if I was, how likely was it that I'd go to the ER instead of... y'know.
So I made a decision.
At some point, the psych said she wanted me on a therapeutic dose of SOMETHING. Anafranil, Paxil, or something else. Anything.
So... I decided I'd go to a therapeutic dose of Paxil.
On my own, since I couldn't reach the psych office on the weekend.
I took a 10mg yesterday instead of the 5mg and left a message detailing my plan.
She's now agreed (at least for now) and wants me on the 10mg for at least a week before I up it to 20mg. 20mg is what I'd normally been on for the past couple of years.
Was it the right decision?
I don't know.
I've tried a "therapeutic" dose of Paxil in the past and I don't remember anything good coming from it. I don't remember anything bad coming from it either though. In fact, from what I remember, I was *real* deep in the thick of the toxic religious stuff I was going through and I don't think any level of medication would've helped at that point.
But whatever the case may be, it'll still be me, on a medication I've been using since 2013, hopefully balancing back out after one of the worst summers I've ever experienced.
I want to try a different medication. I might even want it to be Viibryd.
But knowing that there's a possibility of no effective emergency help being available if shit falls apart makes me way too nervous to try again anytime soon.
I think I'd be more likely to try again during the pandemic if I had any effective way to manage the disorder without medication, but I never really got far enough with any therapists to figure that out. Therapists moving away and such. You know how it is.
There's still a lot of unknowns that influenced my decision, which is why I'm not 100% confident in what I did.
*Is* every emergency room in New Jersey a shitshow right now due to the pandemic? Would I actually be shit out of luck if I had a mental health crisis?
*Is* GeneSight actually bullshit? Have there been any developments in how the FDA views it?
But... things got dark. It's humbling when this happens because it reminds me of how I'm completely at the mercy of my disorder at its worst. Those times when I think I can beat it with willpower or with getting off medication (??????), it's moments like this that remind me of just how strong an enemy I'm facing.
And I'm. Fucking scared.
In addition to going back on my regular medication, I'm talking to a place that does Intensive Outpatient stuff or whatever, and it's a highly-recommended place but not covered by my insurance so it's all out-of-pocket and I may not be able to afford it. Woohoo!
quick edit: if you are in crisis, don't give up. talk to someone, talk to a crisis hotline, go to the ER if you have to. if things got bad enough with me, I'd rather be in the hospital than making a decision I can't go back from. | OCD |
To start, my mum clearly has a undiagnosed Anxiety disorder like OCD and GAD, i know as i have them two which are treated. All she does is worry excessively, and when i ask her to describe her feelings, she always speaks fast and says she is anxious. All the damn time, she's been abused all her life be it from her dad, and previous partners. Her behaviors almost cross into the territory of a personality disorder like BPD/ASPD, although she has a lot of empathy and is affected by a lot of emotion to things out of her control and for other people. But yes, she is generally a toxic person, she seems to be as provocative as the other person in arguments.
It's causing me a lot of stress because we have a neighbor who is causing public nuisance, and although that nuisance affects me, what affects me is my mothers response to the nuisance. We are awaiting the verdict of a landlord to see if those tenants will be evicted.
you see she had been in a relationship with someone who had NPD so she has lots of traumas from it, and this tenant who is 12 that is causing the nuisance has the exact same traits as her ex.
All day today she has been telling me ''Will the tenant keep provoking me'', and you can clearly see that she is extremely affected by this. I think the nuisance does need to stop and it affects me, but the police cannot do virtually anything as he isn't really committing a crime and is 12, it annoys me every bit as it annoys her but the difference is i try put headphones in and ignore it, my mother on the other hand reacts and in retrospect just causes more of the trouble, practically giving the person fuel. | ptsd |
It’s been more than a year but I still consistently look back and think maybe I’m making it up, maybe it wasn’t as bad as what I’m making out, maybe I misremembered or gave consent that I don’t remember. Now it’s got to the point where I don’t remember the incident at all even though previously I did. Is this just my brain trying to cope somehow? Is this common? I just want to get to a point where I can accept what happened and not doubt and blame myself. | ptsd |
Writing my story is thearputic. It helps me cope, thud happened 11 years ago now
Stay in my room until work, either sleeping the whole time or manic af from lack of sleep and minimal drug use. Not good i know but i have to start being honest at least w myself.
I found this year that i enjoy dulling down my reality instead of facing problems.
Drugs make me feel something, while dulling down the pain
I don't want to escape as much as i want to numb my thoughts from hurting myself. When my thoughts become verbal my moods lash out on others and it makes me hate my existence that much more.
Which triggers a wave of suicidal thoughts, self doubt, and a can't do attitude.
I just give up
I am sick and tired of holding the weight of these ideations within the thin barriers of my skull, im growing old and tierd.
When it started, i thought i brought these thoughts into my head, and i would feel shame for it. For why am i doing this to myself?
6 years later its gotten progressively worse, i quit drinking and began a regaulr pill regimen (also smoking marajuana) to keep myself balanced, or calm. I was less on edge, found a bit of happiness within myself and my creative side and began to feel human again.
Now the flip side to that is the rap sheet of side effects that come along with these pills.
Stabalize your mind, sacrifice your body.
It's taking a chance everytime, adverse reactions and misdiagnosis over those 6 years didn't help. By the timei was aged 25 i had been on or around 25 different pills and different combinations within of those pills.
By the end of my 6 years medication tweaking process, and 3 misdiagnosis, 6 hospitalizations, and pretty much a team of specialists, and a dozen doctors, along w a cat scan of my brain in 2014.
It took hell of a toll on my body, and brain functions. My liver an kidneys wont last forever..
The runaround, a serious uphill battle im still pushing through..learning a lot about my mind and mostly thought process.
Why am i so mean to myself?
and as of today my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder bi polar type, i struggle with anxiety (mostly social) and frequent panic attacks (which can be triggered by the way someone i know looks me wrong) me being called sensitive would be a huge understatement. Around the time of my first hospitalization in 2009 i witnessed my friend and roommate at the time get beat within an inch from his life with brass knuckles to the face.
I remember nothing past the porch where he laid still, getting beat on our own front lawn repeatedly.
My mind permanently blocked that from me.Next time i have a memory from that moment im looking over him-- laying in the blood soaked grass, in total shock. His face was a blood puddle, in panic mode i went and scooped him from his back to his feet. At that second i embraced his tall frail figure as his wounds dripped down onto my suicidal tendencies shirt (oh the irony) my arms wrapped all the way around his body, for i just wanted him to feel safty or comfort. Grabbing him by the hand i guidedus to a safer space indoors.
Around me was a blur, friends and neighbors scolded me, for "he could have a neck or back injury! Leave him laying!"
I was not only in shock, but also processing a violent and traumatic event that changed my life forever.
I was scared, he was petrified.
I told all the neighbors and by standers basically to fuck off and
As for my friend- now gushing blood from his cuts, eye sockets, mouth and nose.
just like a skipping cd in your old walkman, he was stuck in a constant shuddering loop fearing for his life.
"They're going to come back and kill me"
Over and over and over and over..
Once into our house i lead him into the bathroom, swiftly locking the door behind.
"Call 911, they're going to come back and kill me" again and again as he ran water over his face, pressing his broken bone structure completely flat, blood pouring from all parts of his kind and beautiful face.
He couldn't feel it, he could barely process what had happened, for it happened so fast.
I watched him try to
Rinse all the blood away only more would streamout.&Panic struck, the ambulance was now on its way but inwas starting to expierence by first delusion.
After that summer i didn't see my friend again until 10 years later.
What i said to him was, i have been through so much since then that stemmed from that dark moment in our past, struggled with literal demons inside my head, woken up to images of corpses laying in my bed.
But i will never know how you managed to stay so strong, so beautiful, and so kind even after something so awful could happen.
I have no idea how he did it i said, how he pulled through and came out on top.
Dude, he could have been beat to death if someone hadn't stepped in.
One of the moments that shaped me, made me grow and helped me learn so much about myself id never had gotten the chance to if our paths may not have crossed.
Cos i usually think "man, i wonder what life would've became if these blips in time hadn't happened at all?"
Maybe id have some sort of success, or maybe just no chronic disorder that effects almost every aspect of my life in some sort of way. Im unsure, always wonder, then feel weak minded.
Soon after we went through this i found myself laying on my bare bed, last nights last breath escapingaway as the mourning sun crept through the crack in the window where the card board had shifted.
I stayed home all alone with my thoughts that night.
Not knowing how many sleepless nights, and waking nightmares mixed with violent hallucinations id have ahead of me.
The mind is a very fragile thing, science knows little about mental illness as it is-so to see me, 4 or 5 days later after that night, days became weeks then into one bad blurred summer.
To explain it all in full detail wouldn't make any sense whatsoever -but i basically looked like your local circle k crack head on no sleep talking to the air.
Sad thing is, mental illness and drug addiction look a whole lot alike.
Your brain looses one to many days of sleep then all the sudden i think im related to Egyptian gods, and my brother is a cannabal living on an ancient Indian burial ground, and theres a government drone disguised as a house fly watching me.
The house was alive, and teeth snapped my feet at every step.
The windows were breathing. I sawa glimpse of a body on the stain in the laundry room, had conversations with hairless rats and sat in a chair crafted from hitlers bones.
I could feel the chill air pass, i felt negative spirits, saw shadow people while christmas carolers sang outside my door.
None of this was real, this was just a snipit of the things i've seen and heard but told they weren't really there.
I was awake, yet dreaming in gruesome splashes and disorganized thoughts.
I was alive to exist.
I felt pain all over.
Once admited i was so unrulyi wasn't able to be near any other patients at least half a day to a day. I spent that time in the yellow hallway in the nude and a pair of flats, pissing on myself while flooding my room.
When they brought my food, i ripped my name badge from the tray. I ate my name for dinner, refused the meal, kicking it across the hallway.
Water began to trickle out of my room, and by the time they asked me to get dressed they saw..
I shoved all the sheets, blankets and my clothes into the toilet, and sink only to keep them running and flushing til someone decided to check on my crazy naked ass.
I just didnt want to be alone.
So i made sure they had to keep me close, and segregating an unstable lil girl who wants to die and has no clue what reality is anymore is inhumane.
I spent the next 3 weeks there making no damn sence, i was completely detached from reality coloring with crayons, banging my head inbetween the door way and the wall.
It hurt everywhere in a different way, but they couldnt make it stop so i would hurt myself.
I hadn't showered in over a week, 2 nurses insisted on helping me bathe.
Once in the water all i could do was scream, cry and fight them.
I was 20.
Life hit different for me young, and life got in the way of a lot of things but it humbled m
-unfinished. | ptsd |
I have not been diagnosed with OCD, but my family has always been suspicious. Recently, I realized that I should get evaluated because I have a history of obsessing over my mental health and compulsively researching symptoms of any disorder to see if it's a match.
My first obsession was OCPD when I was in high school that lasted for a few months. I couldn't focus on anything else for long before my mind would start shouting about OCPD. I would then feel forced to research something I just said or did to compare the results or else my thoughts would get too loud and I felt like I was going crazy.
The following fixations were depression, antisocial disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and social anxiety (which I do have). Since I actually do have social anxiety, I was unable to stop researching it for a few years as compared to the few months the others lasted.
Now, I'm obsessing over OCD and I'm afraid that it will last for an extended period of time. This is interfering with work just like the previous fixations were. The issue is that I have an online job, so it's really easy to give into the researching urges.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What do you do to combat this? | OCD |
It goes like this: I was quite enthusiastic and energetic 4 or 5 years ago when I was in my 10th grade. Now I am in my bachelor's final year and things aren't going quite good.
Somehow I have lost all my feelings. Let's say i see a beautiful lady, like actually gorgeous. But I don't feel the attraction towards her just even a little bit. I don't feel love for anyone, neither my parents nor my pet or just anybody. Same goes for anger, I don't feel angry even if someone Insults, defames or taunts me for my insecurities or shortcomings. It has caused me to lose my relationships with my family and friends. Only feeling I am left with is hopelessness.
I had several different interests like (very specifically)drawing, videogames, workout, socialization, tech stuf etc. Now I've lost it all, I have absolutely no ambition nor motivation to do anything. When I look at my former self years ago, I feel like I am an absolutely different person. Everything these days needs a very strong reason to be done. Only driving factor for me to work is MONEY.
If you had seen me in my day to day life, you would think I'm a pretty normal , Stress free guy. But no, if you know joker's laugh. Yes, I do it sometimes, I laugh loud on lame jokes its forceful most of the time, but at actually funny jokes, I can't laugh at all,
Something's do trigger my emotions, when I listen some specific songs, I literally cry out of nowhere, without any reason. Sometimes I dance like stupid in an attempt to flush my stress but it doesn't works.
I'm quite depressed I guess, don't know what kind of depression is this but I know it's not normal. It's all emptiness. What do you guys think about this ? If you want to know something, you can ask..... | depression |
A lot of people have pointed out that sometimes I whisper words after saying them normally. I can't really control it without actively thinking about it, but it only happens sometimes. Anyone else here do this? | aspergers |
from the age of 6-8 i was molested by my cousins. they would always say i had been bad and deserved a punishment. for all of you wondering why i didn't tell anybody was because i had try'ed telling my mother about it but my one cousins pulled me aside and punched me in my eye. causing me to have full fear of her and her sister. sadly there is no happy ending to this story and i still have to see them at party's. | ptsd |
I like my job, the majority of the time, but there are days where I am put in a position where I have to mask all day. I'm currently having to where my HR hat and call some references for a job candidate. Been sitting here trying to write the conversation ahead of time, but masking and just barrelling through will cost me some on the back end, but it'll also rip the bandaid right off and get these reference checks finished.
Time to make some calls and lean in to self care tonight. | aspergers |
The best thing for my mental health in the past was mushrooms but now that I've developed trauma induced psychosis I cannot do them. Im such a mess that I can't handle therapy or even make it the. No medications are working for me. I've even tried ketamine.
Has anyone here tried any of these therapies? I've been at the end of my rope for three years now and I'm exhausted... | ptsd |
Title - does anyone have suggestions for resources I can look into? My contamination OCD is very specific to the area I'm living in. I'm starting to think I might need to speak with a therapist who knows what this area is like, because I think many of the things that trigger me here would be considered normal things to be concerned by almost anywhere else.
My significant other really likes the area (obviously has no ocd, thank goodness), and I don't think it's fair to them that I practically had a panic attack earlier today simply by walking outside a few blocks. I really need to speak with someone who is familiar with the area, and who can talk me through on what is and isn't a valid concern here, what I should be concerned about vs when I'm overreacting, etc.
The panic attack earlier (or whatever it was) was really making me think if I need to move from here, because I know it's not healthy that I feel like I can't go outside here. I wasn't like this before moving to this area, because the previous place I lived had none of the issues the neighborhood I live in now does (let me know if I should be more specific, but trying to avoid any content triggers for anyone reading here).
Thank you to anyone reading this or who is able to suggest anything! Or feel free to share any of your experiences, as well. Reading about others' experiences, and what things might help you, always helps me with putting things into perspective and considering what I can try to implement in my own life, as well! | OCD |
I've tried offering an explanation but, it was turning into a short novel. I will be talking about sexual assault and sucidual thoughts and don't want to trigger anyone's PTSD. I can't always read about someone's sexual assault or sucidual thoughts (won't watch 13 reasons because of that honestly), so I completely understand. But I do want someone to actually read this; so I'll try to keep it simple but it'll be vague. If there's any questions, please ask. I wanna understand me too.
I want to forget honestly. That thoughts been bouncing around just as strongly as the "just fuck it all" concerning life in general, aka killing myself. Those thoughts and the images are honestly wearing me down. This is one of my coping mechanisms. I'm trying to keep them from becoming overwhelming. And I wanted to share these thoughts with "him", we'll call him R because in all honesty he's the cause of a lot of this, most of this as much as I hate too admit.
Extremely short summary that doesn't do it justice. R and I dated in highschool and a little into college. R was emotionally and became physically abusive. Near the end, after I had ended the relationship but not my love for him I just couldn't continue to be abused, he raped me. I tried to fight but I didn't want to hurt him. I hate myself for that. He was raping me and I didn't want to hurt him. I wish I could've. Maybe I'd feel more at peace. And, he stopped then. He stopped when I stopped fighting. And I stayed. Not with him, I was dating someone else. They took advantage that I was in a bad place but they weren't ever rude. Just, was too soon to date again and he should've waited but I was afraid he'd leave and I needed someone kind. I told them about R raping me and he was upset. I didn't want to call police. I just, couldn't. I knew I wouldn't be strong enough because even then I didn't want to destroy his life. I still loved him. I was gonna stay forever with him. But. I had to respect myself a bit. And I tried by leaving but I couldn't leave the lease. He was in the living room and I had the bedroom type deal. I told him it wouldn't happen again but my gut screamed otherwise. I just didn't want to admit I failed. I felt I failed. But again, that's a story and I'm already rambling enough. Well, it happened again. Again I tried to push him off but he wouldn't until I stopped trying anything. Then he left the room. I was in shock. I walked out of the room and I had to get to school. I didn't know what to do, I had promised to go to the police if it happened again. But I was in shock. He took a knife and put it to my throat. I wasn't scared. I wanted to die. But then he handed it to me and told me to kill him. I snapped out of it and threw the knife in the sink and went to class. Where I reached out to a classmate and they helped me go to police. The police did little. They called him. That was it and when the cop called to see if I wanted to keep pressing charges, I couldn't. I couldn't face him. And I didn't want to destroy his life. I just wanted to move on.
Well, I've reached out to him over the years. I can't forget. I see his name everywhere. Anything can remind me. The way the sun feels one day. The song that came on the radio. The things he was interested in. The very town I live in. I can't forget. I've been harmed by one other man. But, I don't think of him constantly. I still struggle with his memory but it's hard to explain. With the other one, I don't remember him as much but the reaction from the military and everyone after. But R? I can't stop thinking about him.
I don't want to get back together with him. I was happy when I heard he had a girlfriend, a feminist too lol. I learned a lot that explained his behaviors. Not excusing them though. But knowing it wasn't me, that was helpful. I generally wish for his happiness despite all that he did because he did change. I couldn't go through with it through the courts so I told him the only way I would forgive him is if he never did what he did to me to another. I can't say if he lived up to that until his dad was arrested. Even his dad was arrested he changed. He used to worship his dad. Now he hopes he rots in prison. And he's never hurt me again. He's been open about what he did but... That's difficult because he doesn't remember.
He doesn't remember much from dating me and up until around the time his dad was arrested. He doesn't remember but accepts that he did it because I wouldn't lie. And, well that narrative hasn't changed since I was in police station. He didn't remember then either.
He doesn't remember. But I can't forget. Why does he get to forget? Why can he have a kid? That's been my dream. He wasn't too interested in it but would be a dad if he fathered one. And he has a child. Granted the situation doesn't seem to be favorable. But he still has a child. He still was able to have what I've always wanted. I've always wanted to be a mom. I'm not yet and I'm 28, I wanted to be a mom before this. He also got married. Not to the mother of his child. But she's a lovely women. Very strong minded. And they hadn't really planned on getting married she told me. It just happened that way. And....I can't keep a relationship for long. This current one is the longest and he might ask. But I don't know if I'm even ready to right now. I want to but I feel so broken. If I could forget, if I could've forgotten, would I have my dreams? Would I be married? Would I have my babies? Why does he get to forget and live my dream while my mind can't escape the past? Why can't I forget? | ptsd |
I have a surplus in budgets this year at my work and elected to use some of that money to renovate my office ergonomics—riser, keyboard, mouse, the whole 9 yards. By far the mouse has been the most important purchase; I went with a trackball rather naively, unknowing that the ball replaces regular mouse movements rather than augmenting them.
I thought I would really hate it at first; but rather, immediately I noticed my productivity skyrocket as I no longer had to divert any attention to where the mouse would be when I returned my mousing hand from the keyboard—just simple, redundant, mechanical movement from typing to scrolling.
It is actually astounding how much slop and mental strain that this simple change has reduced. | ADHD |
I'm not sure if it's the holiday season or me spending time with fam (which is typically holidays).
People are always saying stuff like "you're so lucky to have your family. other people dont have that" but I truly just take a nose dove towards rock bottom during these times.
I've missed my family yes, but I'm not brought joy to be around for Thanskgiving and Christmas and New Years.
Idk how to determine if I just don't like my family or I don't like holidays.
One makes me super sad. Hopefully not both | depression |
As the title states: does anyone struggle to understand specific accents more than others? It’s not just a hearing problem, but your brain just has a harder time processing certain accents. Thank you in advance. | aspergers |
I know that we all have different levels of social comfortablity. However, if anyone is interested in art, free thinking, philosophy, meme sharing, music, venting, community, resource swapping, support or just chatting.
Lemme know I'll start one.
I'm 30+ Female.
I mean, we can use IG, email or text. | aspergers |
I’m so tired. ADHD, depression, anxiety, and god knows what else.
Every time I feel like I’m progressing in life, either the world or my brain decides that it’s time to undo that progress and the only thing I can do is shut down and curl up in a ball.
I just wish I could have a week where I’m healthy and normal. A week where I can actually do something I enjoy or is beneficial to my life without getting distracted. A week where I can get out of my head and not start panicking about a hypothetical problem months or years from now. A week where I can actively make decisions instead of being passive and going with the easiest option.
I’m so tired.
Edit: I should say that I’m not looking forward advice, I just needed to get that all out in a place with people I think can relate with it. | ADHD |
Title pretty much says it. I don’t know if this is just a side effect of PTSD so to speak. I have gone through some rough shit - my brother died and my dad abused me and then recently I was sexually assaulted.
The abuse and death of my brother were at the same time the abuse lasted 3 years badly and is still getting better - I think it was my dads grief mostly. I don’t remember ANYTHING for the first 6 months after my brothers death. I know my dad was always angry, he got physical but as far as I remember he only hit me once and threatened other times. I have PTSD from my brother dying (I also lost 2 other family members that year) and from my dads anger.
I just can’t shake the feeling that something more has happened. After I was assaulted about a year ago, I just have this intense feeling that something big happened to me. I can’t work out if it was when I was really young and too small to actually remember or if it was in these 6 months I can’t remember. Or if it was another time and it’s just the dissociative amnesia again. Idk. Also because this feeling came after the sexual assault I feel like it was maybe a sexual thing?
Is this possible? Am I just imagining more scenarios because of my trauma? How do I find out? I want to remember. Is that a good idea? | ptsd |
For these past two years, the world has really been testing me.
My ex abusive step dad left us with bills to pay, specifically to my mother who is alone in Germany with me. He ran away from the country leaving us with our hands tied.
My mother had to get two jobs to the point she now has permanent hand damages which she has tons of pain. Not curable. All due to hard work. I work as a nurse and I do 50-60hrs a week already so I can’t search for a new job. The law does not allow me to work over 10hrs a day if I want to get a second job.
When things seemed to get better, my cat was diagnosed with epilepsy a day before my birthday. Is medicated daily too. In the meantime we had flood damages that literally pulled us down…My mom is constantly stressed. Once we almost have everything paid off, our car died before Christmas.
I am so mentally exhausted. Needing to work in a pandemic which I see patients due every time due to covid, having these problems at home. I already take medication for depression and anxiety. But it just seems like it’s not helping anymore. I don’t have friends here to talk with since I moved in 2019 to Germany and the pandemic started. The only friend I had, I lost her.
So I came here to vent to you guys. Sorry for the long text | depression |
I was on Ritalin for like a year and had such bad depression. I then switched to Vyvanse and have better days. Sometimes I have bad ones but the good ones rule them out. The bad thing is now my eating habits are screwed. Does anyone have any advice to eating even when you don’t feel like it? Or are so nauseous? | ADHD |
Just got diagnosed a few days ago (FINALLY) they also did a lab test and found I have low vitamin D which they suspect is the reason for my more depressive symptoms…so now they have me on vitamin D supplements and Strattera (they wanted to start me out on someone that wasn’t a stimulant bc my clinic is in a different state than I live in and it would be easier to mail it than for me to come pick it up all the time) I’m curious how Strattera has affected yall :) | ADHD |
Hey guys, just want some advice/feedback in this little incident that shook my world a few key things I want to mention beforehand.
1. Diagnosed with ADHD as an early adult 21 years old went untreated.
2.experimented with various therapies in handling ADHD without the use of stimulant meds including behavioural interventions however nothing really stuck.
3.tried different meds until I found one most suited for me.
4.Just started taking them again starting Friday last week it has been a total of 6days since I started my dose of 5mg tablets three times a day of prescribed dextroamphetamine.
5. My quality of life has done nothing if not improve started attending scheduled appointments and being vocal in them. I even started at a new job which is huge for me after being in long-term unemployment.
So anyway here's the situation today my boyfriend turned and says to me:
"everytime you start taking your meds you don't cuddle with me as much anymore"
According to him without meds I'm usually a very affectionate soul and I always show him affection. However when I take my meds I no longer want to be affectionate with him, and my whole personality takes a more serious approach to everyday life and people etc:
So I would just like to know if anyone else had had a similar experience with a loved one and how it turned out? Or is this a harsh reality we face if we decide to go on ADHD meds? Perhaps it's entirely unrelated to meds or ADHD? Just keen on hearing truths from a perspective other than my own or my partner's.
Thanks | ADHD |
It’s nearly 5 am, and I am up. I want to sleep but my work is keeping me up. I am ghost writing a novel with someone where there are chapters with graphic sexual abuse, rape and torture. It’s triggering me so badly, but I don’t want to quit this project, it’s a good story. But I can’t sleep. | ptsd |
I had a realization tonight that I have an incredibly hard time with consistency in just about every facet of my life. To cope with that, I some how manage to sum up the energy to do intermittently impressive things to keep people on the hook. I go through waves of not being able to do much of anything at all, and just before it all collapses, I'll do some intermittently impressive thing that renews everyone's belief and trust in me.
I don't want to be like this, but it feels like all I've done in my 30 years of life, and I'm having an incredibly hard time figuring out how to change it. Can anyone relate/does anyone have any advice for this? | ADHD |
I have a therapist that I tried using thru NOCD.
We did maybe two sessions of ERP and she told me to do the timer on my own. it is near impossible. I get stuck in a rut and I cant pull myself out. I cant make myself do hte timer I have put I turned it off. It worked the first two sessions we did it but I cant make myself do it.
My mental compulsions are killing me. I cant move forwrd with my life. I worry about school choices and if Im doing the right one. I will waste hours on indeed and social media trying to find pay rates in my area. Am I making the right choice? Same with other choices in my life.
She talks about how she doesnt know how I feel in the session because she doesnt have it.
​
I finally had to fire her because she told me that I should just focus on other things which is HARD TO DO. My OCD Is causing anxiety and I have tried to sit but I will then turn off the timeer and go and get lost in instagram
​
Has anyone had a good experinence with ERP? Or did it take you awhile to find the right therapist? | OCD |
Im literally the most worthless piece of shit ever to exist, I do not leave the bed I don’t have a job and this has been going on for years now, there will be days on end where I don’t leave the bed and just fucking fester, I don’t understand how I can have such little motivation and why ? How come people can actually get out of bed and do things ? How do they work out and be happy and not feel so drained of energy all the time, I have terrible insomnia so I never sleep, it becomes and endless cycle until my boyfriend forces me out of bed, it’s starting to effect my health badly, naturally I’ve gained a ton of weight and my spine is fucked, I sit here and cry about how ugly I am and how it’s gunna get worse, my anxiety is awful aswell but why the FUCK don’t I just do something about it and get up and work out and actually go outside !!! What is the point in my existence ? Why do I have to feel like this ? I’ve been a lazy person my whole life even from when I was a kid but I’m just not fucking normal, surely I’m not the only person like this ? Any and all small tasks and are a huge fucking chore, getting out of bed is physically painful for me, I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve just gotten worse as I’ve got older and I’m terrified of the future. Sorry to rant. | depression |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.