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I know you aren’t supposed to take everything you read on the internet as fact, but I just read online that you should avoid taking dextroamphetamine with levothyroxine, as it can cause bad drug interactions. I’m not sure why my doctor would prescribe me both if it’s bad to take together? I’m prescribed 20 mg 2x daily dextroamphetamine (adderall) and Levothyroxine 112 mcg. Should I be worried? I’ve been on adderall before, but about 7 weeks ago my doctor tested my thyroid and found I have an under-active thyroid, so she wrote me levothyroxine. And now after reading online that it can be harmful taken together, I’m getting worried. Anyone else here take a thyroid medication with stimulants?
https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a682461.html
^^ this is the website on google where I read about this possible bad interaction.
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ADHD
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD around January, after a few years of denying experiencing anything traumatic .I have family that mention having it themselves, they don't have much advice beyond "get over it". I'm a little more interested in taking care of myself but I have no clue where to start? I was so convinced my experiences were normal, I never had severe flashbacks and that was the only symptom I really considered.
More to the point, I'm no longer in the traumatic situation but it feels like despite that I'm only getting worse. So I guess I'm asking where to start? I've delayed it long enough and all I've done is struggle so far.
So, tell me oh lovely redditors- what the hell do I do with a panic attack? Should I just... Move on after a nightmare? Any advice is welcome, really. I'm totally lost.
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ptsd
|
I'm 24, married and struggling with life really. Family life is tough and I'm unable to speak to people about how I feel. Lately I've been struggling with work due to being under staffed and I have recently been given a written warning due to how much it has slipped. At this moment I feel like I've hit a brick wall and can't move on with my life. I had been signed off work for a few days and felt better during that time but now that I'm back at work I feel really bad and unable to focus on anything other that what's in my mind.
Tried SSRI's prescribed by my doctor however they didn't work and have also tried counselling but both have never helped. Even went down the self medication route of illicit drugs which only filled a void but made me dependent on them to pass with day to day life. I have been clean for 2 and a half years but everything feels much worse now to what it did then.
Any advise or help would be appreciated
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depression
|
I am a 33-year-old man.
For the past few years, my partner of 9 years and I had been trying to buy a house for the two of us and our dog (who we had for the duration of our relationship).
I struggled. I struggled SO much. The house isn't in the right place, it's the wrong shape, it's too far from the park, from the train station. It's the wrong style, the ceilings aren't high enough, the ceilings are too high. The bedroom isn't big enough, it's too expensive, it's too cheap. The mortgage is too big, what if I want to quit my job and change careers. I'm paying more than you. Is my money your money? What if we split up? What if I don't love you? Don't I love you? How can I do this if I don't love you? I'm a liar, a fraud... this went on for 3+ years.
We had an offer accepted. I panicked. I pulled out of the sale. She was heartbroken.
I started to withdraw and isolate myself, burying myself in hobbies I didn't even enjoy. I was short-tempered and avoidant. Terrified of "can we talk about houses?" Never thinking about anything else. Not focusing at work, too busy looking at houses. "I've seen some houses today" - so have I, I've seen them all and discounted every one.
Then we went on holiday. I had a breakdown. We went to the wrong country. We stayed in the wrong hotel. I wish we had stayed at home. Crying on the bed.
Then we came home. "I think there's some problems in our relationship." We started dating again, trying to reconnect. Then our tenancy was terminated by our landlord. Panic stations. Do we buy? Do we rent? Where do we rent? Can't rent this house, it's not perfect...
Finally moved in and I fell into a deep depression over Christmas. Felt like a failure. I put us here. Continued to withdraw. Started couples counselling. Couldn't engage with it because the problem wasn't us - it was me. I didn't understand that at the time. Then lockdown. Trapped in stasis in this negative space. All the joy forgotten. All the love forgotten.
"I'm not happy," became her slogan. It still didn't sink in.
"I don't think we should be us any more." It still didn't sink in.
Months of trying to recover it.
Finally, "I'm going to move out this weekend." She took the dog. Won't let me see him. She's broken by the way I treated her. Neglected her. Was cruel to her. Pointed out her flaws while she picked up all the slack I left through being too trapped in my own head to look after myself as an adult. More carer than partner. Held her to my OCD's standards instead of just showing her love.
I have been in love with her since I was 16.
Now all I can think about is the past. My work is slipping. My health is slipping. I hung everything I am off her. I don't know who I am without her. Without the family that embraced me. I have bad social anxiety, I don't have many friends or connections outside of the relationship. I lived through her.
I need to address what I now understand is OCD, but I have no partner to support me through it. Nobody to catch me engaging in compulsions. No shared future to motivate me to get better. Just sitting here alone staring into nothing.
OCD ruined my life.
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OCD
|
(People being comforting or saying comforting things only triggers me when it’s in person or said out loud or if I see it in a movie or on tv or something like that — it doesn’t trigger me when it’s in writing except for through texts messages for some reason, so you don’t have to worry about triggering me with anything comforting on here, I’m good 👍)
Idk why I’m posting this really, I guess I’m just (ironically) looking for support or if anyone else has experienced anything similar.
Last night, I think I managed to trigger myself the worst I ever have. I’ve never had a full on flashback, it’s mostly just intrusive memories, but geez idk if I had an actual flashback last night or if it just seemed pretty darn close because it was scary as hell, like I knew I wasn’t back there when it was all happening but at the same time it also felt like I was, if that makes any sense.
Anyways, last night before I went to sleep, I decided to watch some ASMR (yes I’m one of those freaks), and I came across one of the ones for anxiety or trauma where they just say comforting things like “it’s okay” or “it wasn’t your fault” or “I’m here for you” and things like that, and I thought why not? So I clicked on it and started watching it, and... it didn’t go well, to say the least.
For some background, I was trapped in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship for about a year, where I was manipulated into never saying no to pretty much everything because my ex made it seem like they’d have a huge breakdown and possibly hurt themselves if I rejected them in the slightest way or if I told them they had crossed my boundaries, which they routinely did multiple times a day. They blamed their mental health problems, their panic attacks, their (undiagnosed) OCD, (undiagnosed) ADHD, (undiagnosed) autism, insomnia, trauma from abuse and sexual assault, and so many other things for the way that they treated me, and all in a way that made me believe they weren’t doing anything wrong and that I was the a**hole instead.
Whenever I did get the courage to say no to anything (including sex) or to tell them that they had crossed my boundaries again, in order to avoid them hurting themselves or having to give up my needs and sacrifice my mental health even more than I already had, I did everything I could to calm them down, tell them everything was okay, that it wasn’t their fault, that I still loved them, etc. even though I was the one that they hurt. It was just pure psychological torture for months on end. Anytime they’d ask for reassurance that they weren’t doing anything wrong, I gave it to them and was left feeling like *I* was the manipulative and abusive one for not telling the truth, even though they made it so that telling the truth had terrible consequences.
I reported them for sexual assault to my college, and it’s been handled terribly. My school ended up blaming me and telling me that I initiated sex (there is literally no evidence of this, I have no idea where they got it, and trust me, I’ve doubted my own memories enough because of this that I’ve looked for *hours* and still found nothing). But most of all, my ex claims that they had no idea that they were doing any of that or making me afraid to say no and that it’s all their mental illness’s fault along with the fact that they weren’t on medication yet.
This terrifies me. The fact that someone, just by having mental health issues, could unknowingly be coercing someone into sex and making them extremely afraid to say no and feel trapped in the relationship? What if I do that? I don’t want to be like him. But that exact line of thinking is the one that my ex used to make me afraid of telling them that was what was going on! Am I just like him?
I don’t want anyone close to me knowing any of what I’m going through because it reminds me of how I was forced to give comfort to someone that was hurting me, and I don’t want to somehow put someone else in the same situation I was in.
Anytime I hear or see someone being comforting to someone else or me, I either start worrying about if I could potentially unknowingly do that someday or I remember having to comfort the person who was hurting me, telling them it was okay that they were doing what they were doing, that I still loved them, that they were a good person, and that their mental health issues were out of their control.
Anyways, I guess I knew that seeing/hearing people being comforting was one of my triggers, I just didn’t know to what extent until last night. I’d appreciate any response that anyone might have, comfort online is all good for some reason, but don’t feel like you have to say anything. Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post.
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ptsd
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one of the worst things, not being taken seriously. they don’t think i’m depressed because I can still text “lol” and laugh with them. they don’t see me when i’m alone. and i’m afraid to tell people because i feel like they’ll perceive me as an attention seeker.
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depression
|
I’ve been taking wellbutrin and other supplements that help with increasing dopamine basically and it’s done wonders for my depression but now my OCD is worse. I’m wondering if the increase in dopamine/use of wellbutrin is making me want to do compulsive behavior more (some people with parkinsons take medications that increase dopamine and start having compulsion problems). But also with being comorbid my anxiety and depression sort of tag team and when one gets better the other gets worse so I also wonder if it could just be because my depression has lifted so much that it let me have all tho focus on the OCD.
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OCD
|
I feel that I am unable to act normally and I can't fit in with society at all. I'm basically mute most of the time until I need to communicate with someone at work or school or in public which occurs really rarely because I don't like going out. I'm sure most people would assume someone like that is shy or something but everyone basically assumes I'm autistic or have low intelligence from the moment they meet me. I'm in my 20s and have never been diagnosed. I honestly can't get along well with almost people either because I suck at small talk. In a lot of situations people just ignore me and I end up being a wallflower. I also haven't had friends since high school. I'm now in my 20s and I think that my life is just going to remain boring and dull and everyone will continue to treat me like a pariah for the rest of my life. So the question I've always wondered is what it is like to seem "neurotypical"? And what is it about you that makes you seem normal? Additionally, any tips that you could share would also be beneficial.
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aspergers
|
I know this sounds very weird, but I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety depression and ocd, my ssri dose was upped 3 times in the past 2 months, and for some reason I feel like I'm faking it and the diagnosis was wrong. Today It took me 20 minutes to put on a shirt because it seemed too big and I was freaking out over it, I locked the door like 5 times and I had this recurring thought that my cat somehow got out and got ran over, and then I was looking for my cigarette butt on the street after I tossed it and I was extremely anxious because I couldn't see where it landed. And I still don't believe it. I tried to kill myself twice and I was addicted to pills and alcohol to cope (I'm almost 2 months sober now) and I don't really have the stereotypical ocd symptoms, I don't have a compulsion to clean or wash my hands all the time and I just feel like I'm a fraud and dragging everyone down for no reason. Anytime im not miserable I have to force myself to think extremely sick and violent fantasies so I don't feel like I'm lying to everyone. Like I just force myself to think horrible things about my loved ones all the time just to feel that I'm actually sick. I also have to confess everything even slightly wrong that i ever did to everyone who talks to me. I just feel like I'm whining and faking everything all the time and that it will be revealed and make everyone abandon me for lying. I'm extremely confused. Has anyone else experienced this? Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated
|
OCD
|
I mean having absolutely ZER0 trust for someone. Are you capable of doing that?
To the point where you absolutely cannot see any good potential in them? And you can believe that nothing but trouble can come out of them?
Like ZER0 faith and respect for someone?
Because I am incapable of doing that, strangely.
To put it to scale out of 10, if 10/10 = youd trust someone so much youd give your life for them, and 0/10 = completely untrusting and 0 faith in that person, can you emotionally reach a 0/10 towards someone?
What if they are a 0/10 in reality and youre just incapable of distrusting them.
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aspergers
|
... And I don't know where should I hang out at that time. I have no friends so I'm left with two options. Celebrate holidays with my parents or celebrate it alone. I would like to support/be with them but at the same time I don't want to kill their whole holiday spirit with me being me. Staying alone again is problematic. Knowing myself I'm for sure gonna lose it being by myself with a liquor.
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depression
|
i’ve been running regularly on the treadmill every second morning for 2 months now, here’s how i’ve been doing it lol
>the morning is the best time because i HAVE to get ready for school so the urgency kicks in that way. i can’t procrastinate it for 5 hours. i gotta do it or i’ll be late.
>make a playlist of like a fuckton of loud blaring music. it’ll distract your brain. preferably with lyrics, lyric music is more distracting. pick songs you like too :)
>try to think about other stuff while on the treadmill. sometimes it doesn’t work but you forget you’re running when you zone out
>COVER THE TIMER. seriously. if you don’t you’ll be looking at it constantly and it will make the running agonizing. i use a book to cover the entire top of the treadmill and only lift it a couple times throughout the run to see how much time there is left.
>try to stick to a routine as much as you can. breaking routine is nowhere near the end of the world, but it often makes my brain think oh ok thats the end then :) when it is definitely not the end
>take meds & water beforehand!! and drink a ton of water too. also pee before. not drinking water results in cramps & throat pain, and not peeing results in painful awareness that you need to pee.
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone. Few months back I became very obsessed with astrology and things like natal charts, which in time worsened my anxiety and depression. I’ve come to realize how damaging it’s become for my mental health and so I decided to part ways from astrology. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
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OCD
|
This is another one that I only recently noticed because someone else pointed out that I have a little ritual I do. The person seemed kind of weirded out because apparently I did it all the time.
I doubt I have full blown OCD (but who knows?) so I was wondering if there’s some overlap with adhd?
I have a lot of little rituals that I feel like I have to do.
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ADHD
|
Several years ago, my mother wrote me a script on how to request a perscription refill over the phone because I always dreaded and put off calling for one until I had already run out. I still have [the exact piece of paper](https://imgur.com/a/SVWOZG9) just chilling loose in my room and my brain somehow always happens to remember exactly where it is whenever I need to use it. I often just have to call my pharmacy instead of my literal doctor to get a refill, but the paper makes sure I have a general idea of what I need to say/ask for plus the relevant names and numbers I need on hand to help the call go smoothly.
I've gotten much better at booking appointments and making necessary phone calls on my own since, but every so often I still write down what I need to say or ask for on a scap piece of paper before I hit dial. Sometimes things go off script, but having an outline on paper helps immensely with keeping my brain on track and making sure I dont forget why I was calling as soon as the other person picks up. So if you find yourself dreading making important and time sensitive calls, try writing yourself a script!
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ADHD
|
Now that lockdowns over I'm going to parties and going out in the evenings, never done that while on vyvance before.
Say I get home at 4am and my regular alarm is at 8am. My options are this:
**Wake up normally**
Only 4 hours of sleep will kill me and I'll be handicapped all day; even though the vyvance will prevent me from *feeling* tired I'll still be worse at driving, working, thinking, and my mood will suffer. But at the end of the day, the pills wear off and I sleep like a brick.
**Get 8 hours of sleep**
No/little sleep deprivation for me, but now it's midday. If I take my vyvance now it'll keep me solidly awake till 1 or 2am. This also tempts me to use the alertness for something and if I get hyperfocussed, may keep me up till 4am all over again!
Which method do you prefer? Externally validate meeeeeeee!
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ADHD
|
So to make a long story short I've just been struggling lately. Pretty much with only one specific theme as well, which sucks. I won't be divulging the theme here but if anyone reads this and is curious just look at my last post on this subreddit. (CW: SELF HARM)
So yeah just wanted to vent a little bit. I hope I bounce back sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading :).
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OCD
|
I’ve been taking Cipralex (lexapro) for about a month, and recently started taking Wellbutrin about two weeks ago. I’m currently on 10mg Cipralex and 150mg Wellbutrin. I haven’t noticed any changes in my mood at all, and I also haven’t experienced any side affects. Is it possible for these doses to be too low for me, or does it just take more time?
I’m pretty impatient, and have impulsively OD’d on the Cipralex twice. I feel like I’ll probably OD on the Wellbutrin soon if I don’t get this sorted out.
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depression
|
he really help and tried to cheer me up if your hiding it just tell them it feels amazing
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depression
|
So I feel there is a lot of inattentiveness (ADHD) but also Emotional dysregulation and slowly developing social skills >>> which can occur in both ADHD and Asperger syndrome. with me and my son.
I believe I have ADHD (seeing a psychiatrist in 2 weeks). Also my son, 7 years old. So we saw an educational psychologist for my son, who said he most probably has ADHD and we can try meds. My wife is scared of trying meds and wanted to get another opinion, so we saw someone else who said she does not see ADHD in my son, but Asperger syndrome. So after reading up A LOT about both, i'm confused and feel that he might have both (and me too). So we are planning to get a third opinion, but wanted to know if anyone else has some information.
Even writing this, i'm not really sure what i'm suppose to be asking, but like I said up top:
I feel there is a lot of inattentiveness (ADHD) but also Emotional dysregulation and slowly developing social skills >>> which can occur in both ADHD and Asperger syndrome
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ADHD
|
(17M) I feel like my life so far has been pretty pathetic, I've never felt connected to anyone, I've never really had a friend or been to an actual party in over 7 years and still don't have one I could even come close to calling a friend. When it comes to family I know they love me but for some reason I don't feel loved, if anything its kinda stressful just being around them and I prefer being off on my own even though I crave affection more than anything. I can't even remember the last time I held someone's hand or had a genuine hug and even though I crave it I'm afraid to look for it as I always wear a mask to avoid seeming abnormal when I'm around people because I'm never able to tell anyone how I feel and just end up saying I'm ok apart from strangers on the internet over text. I'm scared of taking to new people especially over phone calls so much to the point where when I was applying to a college and they called me I never had the courage to pick up the phone and ended up blocking their number. I've been to a therapist 5 years ago due to self harm but I was never able to talk about my feelings and in the end lied to my parents that i was able to quit even though I still cut to this day and will probably never tell them. Even though I cut multiple times a week sometimes I don't know why I do it, I don't think I'm depressed which makes it feel invalid but I never really know what I feel anymore and don't really have much motivation.
|
depression
|
Not a question. Just feel like a goddamn loser. Was diagnosed with adhd a few years ago but always knew i had it. I have a text book severe case of inattentive type with lot of obsessive tendencies.
I am 31, single and feel like a loser. I tried to do many things but failed at all. Have been passed over for promotions at job due to obviously not doing anything. I tried to start a business for last few years thats not going anywhere. I have great difficulty quitting things. I should have quit this business years ago but my obsession kept me from quitting.
Time is flying super fast under my feel. Days just seem to fly by super fast and i have not done or achieved anything at all in life. I feel like whatever i try i fail. I have big dreams and they seem so far away or near impossible now.
Sorry just a rant. Had to write it somewhere.
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ADHD
|
Like I feel depressed anxiety but the times I don’t feel that I feel like I don’t have any emotions at all kinda. Just emptiness.
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depression
|
Most of the time this illness is exhausting and debilitating, but it gave me a good laugh today. I forgot to pack my son’s lunch so I made it and drove it back to his school. As soon as I got inside I had the urge to double check it and make sure I didn’t pack a gun or liquor bottles in there… even though I don’t own a gun. Or liquor bottles. Also who would put that in a kid’s lunchbox?
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OCD
|
Hey, guys so my OCD has gotten so bad to the point where I can't even do anything without a huge sense of paranoia. My grades in school are horrible because I don't allow myself to do my school work on my PC or any other device only my shitty school Chromebook. I'm very suspicious something bad can happen if I do online class or homework on my pc so I'm prevented from getting my work done quickly. I also can't use my phone near my Chromebook because I get suspicious I don't know why. I wash my hands so much that they bleed and my dad always gets mad at me and says you're smart why do you do this to yourself. I keep telling him just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't stop overwashing my hands. I don't know I feel lost. I'm failing school and have no hope left to get my grades up and I'm on OCD meds now. I just want to be the same person I was back in July 2019 - March 2020
A lot of my OCD came from quarantine after my best friend had a brain injury making him never the same and my parents having a nasty divorce a month after. And I don't have any friends now.
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OCD
|
I have never been good at any job I've done except my current job as a cover supervisor at a school, I absolutely love it and has ignited a love of teaching. The only problem is my current job pays too little to live on and this means that my girlfriend gets upset that I can't contribute to doing things such as going on holiday or even going away for a weekend.
I very much want to teach as a career now but to do so I would need to get a degree and to do this with my current job would mean a 6 year part time university course, which as many of you will know is a pipe dream to say the least.
Tonight we was out for a lovely meal (she had to pay as usual) and the subject of lack of pay came up again.
My partner is aware of my desire and does want me to be happy but she is also very understandably concerned that I will not be able to stick the whole 6 years, truthfully I worry about the same thing.
This all came out tonight and it has left me feeling shattered, I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to achieve anything that I will be happy with that will also pay enough for me to even live a normal life.
At that table sitting across from the love of my life I realised that I will only ever be able to work in low skilled jobs that make me unhappy or work a job I love for very little pay that will result in me losing the love of my life.
At that moment I had to excuse myself to go to the toilet, I locked myself in the cubicle and cried.
I feel so deflated about life and I do wonder what the point in me living is other than to avoid upsetting those I love. I feel like I have just been put on this planet to suffer.
This world is straight up geared against us.
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ADHD
|
I hate everything. Everything is bad, no person is good, we all just hurt each other. I hate every person who hurt me and everyone who didn't because they won't be gentle to me, and when they try I hate them even more because it has to be for some other reason, they can't just love me. It doesn't work.
I hate myself more than I hate others. Everytime I'm alone with myself I just cry for hours until I can't breathe or do anything else. I can't think about myself without feeling physically repulsed, I am a bad person and it can never be reversed.
I wish someone would just hold me, but I feel nothing but anger when they do. Why can't anything be gentle?
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ptsd
|
I can't fucking do this anymore. I feel like a coward and a screw up. Nothing I do is good enough anymore. I'm relapsing on all the bad habits I tried so hard to quit. I'm literally in highschool, there's so much shit I could do to better myself. What the hell am I doing with my life? These are supposed to be the best years of your life, and it's not. It's absolute hell.
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depression
|
At this point my whole life is just me sitting in my room crying over how awful my life has turned out. I barely have a job, and I don’t have a drivers license, because I manage to ruin everything I try to do. I just feel like I suck compared to everyone else, and at this point I’m convinced I’m legally retarded (I’m sorry, but it’s true).
I’m just so sorry to my parents that they could have had a daughter who was successful in life, but they ended up with the burden that is me.
Also I daydream a lot because reality is such a disappointment. And daydream me is so much cooler than me in real life.
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depression
|
Hey everyone,
32M recently diagnosed with Adult ADHD. Started on Elvanse (vyvanse in the US) and it has definitely made a difference.
But I've been looking into the other conditions commonly seen alongside ADHD and I'm pretty sure I have more than just ADHD. It's really hit me like a train. I was off work for 6 weeks due to it being a big exacerbation of my ADHD, I just gone back and then this has happened and I'm really struggling.
I'm a Paramedic, and work was always somewhere I didn't have issues with ADHD. I felt in control and it made me feel good and I loved helping people. But now all this is bringing on more anxiety and I'm afraid that a bad job could really set me back.
Has anyone got any advice or experience of dealing with other disorders on top of their ADHD?
Thanks 👍
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ADHD
|
\*dopamine not serotonin, turns out im an idiot
I'm hopped on sugar, I've got all the music blaring, I'm dressed to the nines and *it's not working*. I just *cannot fucking function and I h a t e it.* I have so much work to do and I just can't pull myself together. i can see why people with adhd have higher rates of substance abuse because hoooolllly shit I would be willing to try a LOT of stuff to get out of this headspace.
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depression
|
Those of you who have gotten accommodations for sensory issues, especially light sensitivity, what type(s) of medical professional(s) did you see as part of the documentation process? I'm in the US, so experience with ADA accommodations would be extra helpful.
Thankfully, I can work from home for the duration of the pandemic, but so far my employer hasn't budged on making it easier to go fully remote afterwards. I'd rather not use ADA, except as a very last resort, but I at least want to prepare for that possibility.
Last year, I learned I have convergence insufficiency and was able to get a proper prescription for my glasses, which has made fluorescent lights and computer monitors tolerable for a few hours at a time, especially if I am able to wear a baseball cap. But my focus and auditory processing invariably deteriorate, even with mitigation techniques like the cap and going outside every few hours, to the point that I'm exhausted at the end of a typical 8-hour day. I used to fall asleep on the bus ride home. I'd rather not return to that when the office reopens; more importantly, I want a better idea of what's going on and the ability to get documentation of it.
I plan to contact my optometrist for a possible referral, since my new prescription is better but still doesn't touch the light sensitivity issue, but if he's not able to help me, I'd like an idea of where to go next.
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aspergers
|
Hi guys. I was recently diagnosed as ADHD which I suspected for a while. I am 32 years old so the diagnosis came a little late. My psychiatrist says he doesn’t treat adhd patients anymore (he prescribes me anxiety/depression medication to help with BPD which I suspect is actually ADHD[or ASD]). He said he would give me medication if I got diagnosed by a psychologist because I’ve been his patient for so long. So I went ant got assessed and that psych put me on Straterra which interacts with lexapro which I am also on. I have not talked to my original psychiatrist about taking Straterra because I haven’t talked to him this month, but the new psych knows what meds I am on and never told me about the interactions until I searched them up myself.
So I have been on Straterra for 17 days. I’m moody and irritable which I wasn’t on my current regiment. I took my blood pressure and it is in fact high. It didn’t use to be high. I want out. At this point I’d rather have ADHD than be a moody asshole with high blood pressure. So I have been on it just over two weeks. Can I quit cold turkey since it’s only been two weeks? Im really freaked out about the BP thing. I think my doctor would prescribe me more “conventional” adhd medication, even though it’s controlled which I think is why he doesn’t treat adhd patients anymore. But said he would since I’ve been his patient so long. The medication is a capsule so I can’t break it in half. I was going to take one every other day until I don’t. What do you all suggest?
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ADHD
|
I'm 27 years old and I lost my apartment to covid back in July. Since then I've been stuck living with my abusive mother. But nobody cares, because it's just emotional abuse, not physical. Nobody cares because its from a parent not a domestic partner and I'm an adult, not a child. Nobody cares that I have to live with manipulation, gaslighting and financial abuse. Nobody cares that I have to relive childhood trauma every day from the same person who caused it. Nobody cares that I spend every single day in my room alone because the moment I step out the door, I have to put up with her. People seem to only care about helping abuse victims when it meets a certain criteria. So I'm on my own, I just have to suck it up and deal with it because nobody cares.
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ptsd
|
Hey folks. Looking for what it is called when your OCD has convinced you that there's some sort of eventual catastrophe that is coming for you. In short, I'm pretty sure what I'm dealing with is a variant of false memory OCD.
When the symptoms are spiking, I've got this sense that I can't enjoy life since it's all about to be destroyed because of one of these things. For example, I've been convincing myself that I cheated on a major exam for my profession (which didn't happen, I have people who took the exam with me who said I didn't).
My OCD is trying to convince me that should that be "found out" my life will be ruined. What is this called? Does anyone else experience it? Essentially my brain is playing out the consequences of my obsession being true, and being found out, and it's difficult to enjoy life with the fear that it's going to be ruined. Finding a name for the symptom will help me deal with it, because I can actually talk to someone about it.
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OCD
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So I decide to quit it today. The boss have told something slightly crossing the lines. Like, I always date early 20’s or I like young pretty girls etc. few days ago, he said sex for Joke. Since after then my insecurities has been arise. I’m so nervous and my heartbeats is like crazy. So I decided to leave. I haven’t told him yet. But I will. I am nervous what if he says no or threaten me.
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ptsd
|
Just thought I'd share what has helped me. Drop your own tips if ya got em.
1. Weekly Pill Planner so I know if I've taken my pills [https://www.cvs.com/shop/cvs-health-large-weekly-pill-planner-prodid-715123](https://www.cvs.com/shop/cvs-health-large-weekly-pill-planner-prodid-715123)
2. Tile app to find my keys/everything [https://www.thetileapp.com/](https://www.thetileapp.com/)
3. Work Stash of Extra Essentials (pills, granola bar, headphones, cash, deodorant, etc.)
4. Car Stash of Extra Essentials (cash, deodorant, jacket, trail mix)
5. SHAMELESS Multiples (bedroom water bottle, kitchen water bottle, two mouth guards, a bunch of cell phone chargers, four headphones)
6. Desk Cash/Credit Card (for when you lose your wallet)
7. Giving a friend a copy of your key (for when you lose your keys)
8. Phone reminder day of AND day before an event
9. Email yourself reminders (like, the other
10. Friend Notes in Contact Info (so I remember what kinda wine & snacks they like)
11. Squeeze Water Bottles. (I knock things over all the time. Now, it doesn't spill)
12. Otter Box [https://www.otterbox.com/](https://www.otterbox.com/)
13. Hardcore computer case
14. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique to break hyperfocus - **FIVE** things you see around you, **FOUR** things you can touch around you, **THREE** things you, **TWO** things you can smell, **ONE** thing you can taste.
15. Digital Copies so I can't lose the thing
16. Good Gamification - I fuck with Habitica and Duolingo when I want a dopamine hit from my phone
In general, I've also stopped expecting myself to be someone I'm not. By accepting this, I've found a lot more solutions than just yelling "WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS." Anyways, good luck out there sailors
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ADHD
|
I was recently diagnosed with OCD, and my therapist went over some treatment plans. He wants me to try going on meds (which I agree with) and also exposure therapy (expected, but scary nonetheless.) He was very careful when approaching the subject of managing my compulsions, which are prayer/religion based, which I appreciate. He had noted that the praying wasn't a bad thing, the issue was that it had become obsessive, which I agree with. Here's the part I'm confused about. He said he didn't necessarily think my compulsions were a bad thing, as they do temporarily help relieve anxiety, so the goal should not be to rid myself of them, but to be able to manage them. Again, I agree with the assessment that praying isn't inherently bad, and that it's the compulsive praying that's the issue, but I'm a little lost on the idea that the compulsions themselves are fine to stay, which to me suggests that the compulsive behavior isn't a problem? I would rather have manageable compulsions that unmanageable ones like what I'm currently dealing with, but I think I'd also ultimately rather just not have regular compulsions, period. I know more of about how OCD 'works' than I know about the treatment, so I was wondering if this is just standard practice?
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OCD
|
I have pocd and harm ocd and for the past week or two ive been doing really good at ignoring thoughts and just letting them flow and not fighting them. and its made a tremendous difference on my day to day life and its been much more positive. But then today something triggered me and it just feels like it set my whole day back, i know bad days are Inevitable for getting better but it still sucks :( anyone else relate?
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OCD
|
this past month or 2 I've been sleeping in until 3:30 PM every day, i had the opportunity for a job but i ignored the phone call for the interview, i have no energy whatsoever, i barely have any friends, and i can't help but remember a time when i was happier, when i lived with my ex and was seeing my ex best friend all the time, you see? Everyone is an "ex" now. I have nothing. i have my own place but it's just depressing to spend any time there since i'm all alone. Not to mention my mother died 2 and a half years ago. Anyways, i am seriously considering suicide since i don't want to live like this anymore. I just want someone to talk to and understand me.
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depression
|
It sounds cliche but I feel like a burden on everyone and on the world
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ptsd
|
11am. On my second whisky sour. 26 years old. Alone at a dive bar in my home town.
Past few years I’ve been on auto pilot. Doing what I’m suppose to do. I just finished nursing school top 5 of my class. Idk what the fuck I’m suppose to do.
Yes. I’m quite drunk rn. First time I’ve felt something in a long time.
All I want is to end all the pain I feel. I’m aware I have it well. It’s just me and my head thats getting in the way of it all.
Why do I constantly feel sad for myself. All I feel is hate for myself. But I have no reason too. There are far more worse things that can happen.
I can physically feel myself spiraling down for no reason.
Why can’t I just fucking do it. Do life. Literally everything is handed to me but I want nothing to do it with it.
My anxiety and depression got to me.
This is the first time I’ve went to my local dive bar and drank alone. To numb it.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cut anymore.
Idk what the fuck is wrong with me.
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depression
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Ok so last year at my old church I was 16 then. I remember every now and then looking at this one girl there and thinking “oh wow she looks cute”. Now that I’ve been dealing with POCD I noticed she looked younger than me. Im freaking out because she might’ve been anywhere from 12-15. I don’t know because there was a girl there that’s 16 and I thought she was like 12. What scares me tho is what if she was even younger like 10-11??? Also I keep thinking of how she looked back then in my head and I swear I felt a groinal response which is scaring the absolute crap out of me. I’m so worried she’s like 10 and I’m attracted to her. I’m so scared, can someone help?
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OCD
|
I thought I had escaped my violent father. I thought I had escaped my abusive ex-boss and ex-colleagues. I thought I had escaped it all, but it’s fucking happening again.
Context: I just moved to the capital from the country in the UK. I moved because I got a job in investment banking after being fired by my abusive ex-boss because she was fucking insane. Where I’m working now has treble the salary, a free degree and they all think I’m great at what I do. It’s a much harder job than what I did for the witch.
In a nutshell, I’m not just crying wolf that I’ve been abused by a lot of people. I know people might say it to “save face” when they get fired, but genuinely please believe me that this has happened. I was TERRIFIED of my ex-boss and she made it that way purposefully.
Anyway, unfortunately where I’ve moved to has a carbon copy of my boss living here. I know it’s silly, but I could tell I wouldn’t like her instantly, just like my ex-boss. I don’t let this taint my interactions of course, but honestly I can instantly tell sometimes.
I’m not doing to devalue PTSD, but I have some kind of mild PTSD (for lack of a better term) from my ex-boss about this kind of persons behaviour. You know what I mean anyway. NOTHING is ever good enough for them. You walk on eggshells just trying to do things in your daily life. She’s made me afraid to go to the bathroom or the kitchen. I’m afraid to go in and out so I’m confined to my room.
I have Aspergers and I have very low confidence. Im the sort of person who is always checking whether other people would approve of my behaviour. I have never intentionally gone out of my way to disturb people, quite the opposite. Im just so sick of these entitled hen peckers.
So, it’s my third day here. I’ve only met her once properly. She chastised me for “using her towel” (I put it back on the towel rail. I didn’t use it. Besides, where she keeps it it could be easily mistaken for a towel that the landlord has put for the whole household. No one else keeps it there.)
Also, there’s a fault with the seal on the shower door. It won’t shut. I hold it while I shower so that no water gets out. She SCREAMED - she legit screamed because there was a tiny amount of water on the shower mat that is supposed to get wet. There was literally nothing wrong. Another girl went in there before her after me and didn’t say anything. She knocked on my door and berated me like I was her child and she hated that I wasn’t doing my usual behaviour: saying sorry repeatedly.
I know it’s only been a couple days but I know it’s going to get worse. She is a clone of my ex-boss: middle-aged, short choppy pixie cut and sneering. Her personality is the same. I can only imagine what hell she will raise when I bring my bf over.
Also to note: she has been talking on the phone REALLY LOUDLY quite late for about 2 hours. Am I fucking complaining? I’m working. But no, I’m a reasonable person who doesn’t enjoy the attention from being a little snitch.
Do I have “abuse me and control me” written on my face??
P.S. I’m wondering if this is some sort of internalised misogyny thing or “queen bee” phenomenon. Most women who have been like this to me are middle-aged. I’m 21. I’m wondering if it’s a sort of establishing hierarchy bullshit, or if she feels threatened because I’m young (I don’t want her to be, you know what I mean anyway..)
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depression
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I'm currently prescribed Adderall and take 20mg/morning, 10mg afternoon the last couple months. It's been great for motivation and concentration but I'm having physical side effects that are uncomfortable. Profuse sweating and added anxiety most notable.
So I was wondering if any of you have been prescribed the Guanfacine in addition to a stimulant? It looks promising from a few research articles I've read but those studies were conducted on children.
I want to mention it to my psych at our next appointment. I've searched some threads already and they seem to be limited to peoples reactions to the first initial dosage. I'm hoping some of you have experience with it for longer durations.
Good, bad or indifferent. I want to hear your experiences!
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ADHD
|
Feeling beyond exhausted by emotional and physical exhaustion... it feels like going through the motions of life is just not enough to keep breathing. I'm tired of trying to persevere like some kind of "survivor", when I hardly feel alive anymore...
Constantly climbing this blistering rope above chaotic waters...
When can I finally let go? When can I rest, and no longer fear what lays below me...
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ptsd
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I broke down yesterday because of a hurtful text my ‘friend’ sent about my swimming competition (I had done well and she said she could do the 200m fly I did in under my time - she doesn’t swim at all) and I started crying then after about half an hour I stopped and got myself together, but I still felt quite trembly if you know what I mean, and then someone else texted something, not about me or anything important, just a comment, and even though it wasn’t at all funny, just a sentence, I started laughing hysterically but in a panicky sort of way. It makes me feel like panic attacks make me feel but without the crying, and laughing instead. I don’t know what it is but it’s happened multiple times - luckily not in front of anyone else. Sometimes I get the urge to laugh this strange laugh and I have to swallow over and over to stop it. Does anyone experience this?
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OCD
|
I don't know what to do.
I just can't get it out of my head.
I haven't slept. I can't stop thinking about it. I am so so exhausted, but my brain is still pushing to think about it. My eyes are so tired from crying and crying but the tears keep coming.
I don't know what to do. I can't stop. I want to stop so so bad. I just want to stop replaying it. I want to stop thinking about it.
I feel so numb, and dazed. My head hurts, my stomach hurts too.
Intrusive thoughts. Over and over. I cant block them out. I want to scratch and pull and break things.
This seems so silly and disproportionate, but it doesn't help that I'm also on my period.
If anyone can say anything of comfort or any advice I would really really appreciate it. I'm just so sick and tired and done.
(For context you can check my post history. My last post explains it.)
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OCD
|
I don't want to seem over the top but even if I have a genuine conversation with someone, once we've stopped talking I feel like they just absolutely despise me? Like I don't matter to them and that conversation was boring as hell to them.
I don't know what to do about it and it's driving me nuts. The rational part of my brain tells me that, "Of course they don't hate you, you guys had a nice talk, why would they?" And the majority of my brain is telling me, "No they definitely hate you, you said this which means they're just tolerating you."
Am I in the wrong subreddit for this? I'm not sure but I've heard people with ADHD have this type of thing too? If not I'll delete the post but if anyone could spare some tips that'd be great too :)!
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ADHD
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What follows is mostly advice I give myself.
How about find something to obsess over, that's not in your head. Solve someone else's problem. Let that be your obsession. If that someone turns out to be many, you've got yourself a business. Use that endless stubborn energy on something real. Own it. Use it as power, rather than think of it as a disability. You can't help being obsessive, but maybe you can chose what to obsess over.
Or just go back to the brain-chemical-imbalance thing. Treat your brain like a rigid machine that can never be changed and it will never change.
.. hey, pssst... brains can and are rewired everyday. Find a target, work towards it.
I really recommend reading The Road Less Traveled.
also >> [https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/n0tjov/found\_it\_pretty\_interesting/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/n0tjov/found_it_pretty_interesting/)
edit: dunno why this is marked nsfw & spoiler. Seems I can't change
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OCD
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I'd like to ask if anyone has the same problems as me. As soon as i wake up in the morning i start ruminating. Sometimes it's like thoughts waking me up. Next thing I do is turning on my phone to distract myself.
It's actually exausting for me cause i have days where I'm constantly tired and i just don't feel rested. I wake up early on weekends though want to sleep long sometimes. It just bugs me and i was hoping to find some advice here
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OCD
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Mondays are the worst. Does anybody else feel like Mondays are the worst day for their OCD?
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OCD
|
I haven’t gotten a diagnosis yet, but I’m hoping to see a doctor soon. I’ve told my family and friends, and all of them have tried to discourage me from taking meds if I get diagnosed with ADHD. It’s so frustrating because I’m struggling in an extreme way and I’m being told I need to just write things down, eat better, and be more consistent. I already do the things they are telling me to do, and I still have major trouble. And I’m being told meds will make me a zombie so I should just learn to deal with my symptoms on my own. I’m so tired of feeling misunderstood and unheard and unsupported. I think im just going to stop talking about it at all. Im just going to go to the doctor, see what they say, and go with whatever treatment I think will be best for me.
How do y’all deal with having little to no support? And do I need to be worried about meds affecting me negatively? I don’t want to automatically eliminate any treatment option, especially when I read sooo many positive testimonies from others who take meds.
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ADHD
|
*please ignore my bad grammar, I was in a rush*
Hi, I thought the best way to get an answer to this is by asking people who went through it themselves. Please delete if this isn't allowed.
If you don't mind sharing, what happens when you get/you got tested/assessed for OCD? What type of questions to they ask? What do they make you do? And what is the process like afterwards?
Thanks! :)
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OCD
|
Ever since puberty I've been like this. I can't stand it.
I feel nothing now towards other people. Bad news, good news, nothing.
I can't think for myself, I have no free thought. I can't question anything, I take everything neutral.
I can't get interested in anything. The one thing I like (video games) aren't even capturing me anymore.
Post Secondary education is a nightmare because essentially I don't have any interest / free thought.
This is fucked up and I can't believe I'm only noticing it now (11 years)
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aspergers
|
I quit my job earlier this year.
I had to because my mental health was taking a massive hit and my ADD was making it difficult to perform at work (even with meds).
I left and went back to retail. Taking a significant pay cut in the process.
Many times since my wife has made me feel like it was a mistake because we're obviously worse off financially. Bills stack up and we're slow to pay them. We can't afford some things like dental work for me or just luxuries like we used to have. Can't get any closer to getting our own house (not just because the market is crazy atm). The list goes on.
And tonight there was another argument about my pay. And how our pays are spread thin so kids get Xmas presents and we won't until the new year. But I've resigned myself to the fact that I won't be getting one. Just like I can't get new glasses.
Grey balloon on the mailbox is the universal sign of "Pity party over here!"
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ADHD
|
I haven’t been diagnosed but I wanna get checked out or screened or whatever tf they call it because after observing myself I do notice bad habits and tendencies linked with ADHD. I know it could be a million other things or nothing at all but this is the only thing I can really link it with. Annnnyway to the actual post
I play with my hair 24/7. I’m currently typing this post with one hand because the other one is messing why my braids. I can’t pin point when it started or why but all I know is it probably started in like 3rd ish maybe lower grade. When I was younger (I say this like I’m grown, still in 8th grade) I remember my grandma putting by hair in a bun to go to church and begging me not to mess it up or pull out strands. I somehow managed that by doing god knows what. My main way when my hair isn’t in braids is to just pull a piece out in the front. And I must say I did look very strange with pieces of hair pulled out but I have more strategic ways now. I will never forget awhile back a kid in my class asked why I messed with my hair and I just shrugged because I literally don’t know why.
This post is just kinda asking if people with adhd also fidget similar to how I do or if I’m just built different.
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ADHD
|
So in Disney's Beauty and the Beast the female protagonist is named Belle. This is the french for Beauty.
So far so good, but there is a line in one of the songs that goes:
" Now it's no wonder that her name means 'Beauty'
Her looks have got no parallel "
It is sung by french villagers, and obviously they are translating her name for english speaking children.
BUT WHAT IS THE SAME LINE IN THE FRENCH VERSION OF THE FILM?!?!
Anyway, after several hours of not being able to do anything today because of this issue i have found it:
"Il faut avouer que son nom est fait pour elle
Car sa beauté est sans pareille"
Which translates as:
"One must confess that her name suits her well,
Because her beauty is incomparable."
Anyway i can now have a shower and feed myself and stuff
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ADHD
|
I got through mini special interests every so often and right now mine is tattoos. I quite a few now and got 5 in the past month lol I’ve been watching ink master and scrolling on the internet and i can’t not think about tattoos!! Which is a dangerous special interest seeing as its expensive and the healing is tough with my job but i can’t stop!
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aspergers
|
“A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So, he loses touch with reality and lives in a world of illusions.
By thoughts I mean, specifically, chatter in the skull—perpetual and compulsive repetition of words, of reckoning, and of calculating.
I’m not saying that thinking is bad; like everything else, it’s useful in moderation, a good servant but a bad master.
And all so-called civilised peoples have increasingly become crazy and self destructive because through excessive thinking they have lost touch with reality. That’s to say we confuse signs, words, numbers, symbols, and ideas with the real world.
Most of us would have rather money than tangible wealth. And a great occasion is somehow spoiled for us unless photographed.”
—Alan Watts
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ADHD
|
*POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING* Is this abuse?
When I was 4, my 2nd cousin (also 4) and I were inseparable. He was so sweet and nice. One day, he changed. He got angry easily and would throw things at me. We played house and other normal kids games. Sometimes he would tell me to kiss him, and if I said no, he would hurt me. He had a crush on me (we were little, we didn’t know what crush meant) One day when we were playing house, he told me to come here. I came over and he was laying on the bed. He told me to kiss him, I said no. He threw something at me, (he was strong) then said that he would but a thin see through cloth between our lips so they weren’t touching. When I got closer, he grabbed me and pulled me on top of him. He made out with me, then... I don’t remember. I don’t remember what happened next. I later found out that he was sexually abused by HIS other cousin, and she told him it was a game. I haven’t told anyone about this, but it really bothers me. We see each other all the time and I feel uncomfortable around him. He talks down to me and once even beat me out of the bus seat. Is this abuse? I tried to tell my therapist, but I just couldn’t. I am only in 6th grade.
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ptsd
|
I'm so tired of all the effort. I hurt every day, I can barely sleep, it feels like I can't talk to anyone because the words don't come out right, and I feel like I can't rely on anyone for anything. It's exhausting living life feeling like I have to do everything or it won't get done or I'll have to go back and fix it later. I'm tired of caring and things continuing to get worse because of idiots. I'm tired of being viewed as bad or scary because of how I look. I want to make friends but I'm incapable without huge amounts of effort on their part. I'm so tired of trying and trying and feeling like I'm regressing. Thank you for tolerating my rant.
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aspergers
|
I was medicated for ADHD as a kid (vyvanse) and it turned me into a straight zombie, i had no emotion or drive to do anything. In around 10th grade i stopped taking it and was perfectly normal for the next 2 years. Now idk what sparked it, but im almost 19 and its basically come back, and my brain just wasnt used to it, i cant sit still, i cant focus, i basically do everything on autopilot cuz im too busy thinking, and it just makes it difficult for me to enjoy anything. So I was wondering if I should look into medication again, and if so which ones will allow me to be me, but space out less.
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ADHD
|
I mean the only single reason of our suffering is just because we tend to believe what our mind says. Other people who don't have ocd when they get a disturbing thought of something bad happening they either think of a solution or simply ignore it and accept the uncertainty. But for us even if we know the solution we just obsess whether this solution would work or not. We have to take medicine and if possible therapy too just for what. Doing the same thing what a normal person does. Accepting the thoughts. I think it's only the feeling that is the root cause of it.
I would also like to know stories of people who were diagnosed after suffering decades before getting a diagnosis and treatment. How was the journey for that long time.
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OCD
|
i’ve been on adderall XR 20mg and adderall IR 20mg since march of 2021, which has been great… until recently
the past week or so every time i’ve taken my meds i just get super tired, a terrible headache, and i’m hungry ALL THE TIME (when usually i have 0 appetite at all while on my meds until they’ve worn off)
is it possible that it just stopped working for me? i was thinking that i might need to increase my dosage but…
(clarification: i take the XR in the morning with 1.5 tablets of the IR, then another 1/2-1 tablet in the afternoon as needed)
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ADHD
|
Tonight was a night in which I was almost decapitated against my own wishes. Driving around in the calm 3am mists of California I was suddenly possessed (literally, one could argue) with the urge to place my neck on the sill of the driver’s side window. Once I fulfilled this mental demand the criteria instantly expanded to have me begin raising and lowering the window, and so I did. After several repetitions I found my head lifting closer and closer towards the top of the door, at which point if the window had pushed me any higher a catastrophe would have ensued. I followed through on this urge up until the point when the window pushed my head up against the top of the door a few times with a certain degree of pressure, at which point I finally felt like I had satisfied the demon’s demands and could cease the behavior.
I drove home physically convulsing and reliving the memory over and over, like I had just watched fellow soldiers get their limbs blown off on the battlefield. Only after the fact was I flooded with the realization that my life could have easily concluded, especially if the car window didn’t contain a safety feature causing it to halt when obstructions are detected.
To be as clear as humanly possible, I have zero intention of losing my life and not a single moment from this episode was in any way pleasurable or desirable to me. It was extremely traumatizing and torturous. I refuse to admit that I’m in control during these hideous acts. It is a demonic possession, and no amount of science will be able to convince me that there is any distinction between that and clinical OCD; they’re one-in-the-same to me, always have been.
Thanks for letting me share, and I hope this material wasn't too upsetting for some of you.
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OCD
|
Hi guys. I have PTSD from childhood and I recently got my adrenal levels tested and have high cortisol. I plan to talk to my endocrinologist about these results but he thinks it's due to chronic stress, primarily my PTSD. Anyone else have this? If so, have you had success reducing your cortisol and how? I am only 25 and feel my PTSD has ruined my body. I have many early health issues that shouldn't be a problem at this age. I'm extremely worried about being able to healthily carry a child and live a normal life :(
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ptsd
|
TW: suicide attempt
My now wife attempted suicide 5 or so years ago by overdose. It was really serious. She was on life support for 9 days and then spent two more weeks in the ICU.
I managed to get her to the hospital in time. I was with her in the ER. She was awake and talking fine and suddenly started seizing. They rushed me and her parents out of the room into this tiny private waiting area. We sat there waiting for hours. A doctor came in and said she might not make it through the night. She got put on life support. I practically lived at the ICU family room. I’ve been told I fell asleep leaning on her bed. Her kidneys started failing and her whole body swelled up. They said if she survived she probably wouldn’t be the same mentally.
She managed to make a miraculous recovery. Like an actual miracle. But her recovery was hard to watch. When she woke up it seemed like she was empty. I watched a nurse feed her soup and her eyes were just blank. You’d ask a question and she’d just nod to anything she said. She wasn’t able to talk for a while. Slowly she got more and more like herself. After that she couldn’t walk. They aren’t quite sure what happened, maybe the seizure, but her leg is fucked up. There’s extensive nerve and tendon damage. She’s able to walk ok now but it’s painful and she limps. Sometimes she needs a brace and a cane depending on how bad it is. She lost all of her memory from the year prior. She can’t remember all the good times from then. She doesn’t remember me proposing.
She’s completely back to normal now aside from the leg and some memory issues. I love her with everything in me. She’s my world. But the thoughts keep creeping back. I can see all of these things clearly in my head. The seizure, the doctor saying she might not make it, the respirator, the soup, the blank stare, all of it. It terrifies me. I want it to stop.
I’m sorry I just needed to tell somebody.
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ptsd
|
Bipolaridad, depresión, ansiedad y ganas de morir. Aquellos son los cuatro elementos con los que convivo día a día. Litio, quetiapina y aripiprazol son las drogas que supuestamente me deberían ayudar a salir adelante. Lamentablemente, las cosas no son tan simples, las drogas no evitan las crisis, aquellas donde todo parece un abismo enorme al que quiero huir.
Tengo una buena situación económica, estudios y un grupo maravilloso de personas que me rodea. Pero nada es suficiente para mi mente y la enfermedad. No importa lo maravilloso del día, las alegrías que pueda vivir, inevitablemente termino en la negrura misma.
Huir sería tan fácil, lo he pensado de mil maneras distintas. Tomar pastillas, una sobredosis, saltar al tráfico, tirarme de un edificio, ahorcarme, cortarme las venas, tirarme de un puente y multiples otras maneras que ya son demasiado tetricas como para describir. Pero no puedo, no puedo hacerle eso a los que me rodean, la empatía es más grande.
Paradójicamente, dicha empatía me causa aún más ansiedad, al igual que la preocupación de mis seres queridos. Me siento responsable, alejándome cada vez más del descanso y sumiendome en la desesperación
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depression
|
Sometimes I get panic attacks at night because something happened to me when i was little growing up, and i would wake up in middle of nights most of the time, so getting enough sleep isnt great most of the time and to make it worst, I have to tackle with online college too. but something has helped me and i realize when i focus watching or listening to relaxing videos, it has helped me tremendously to fall asleep. people have called me strange for it but if anything helps, i hope it would help you too! It started with listening to rain drops, then a "related" video pops up and my love for Lord of the rings video popped up, there's this youtuber called ASMR Rooms, she would bring together a scene that moves like inside a warm Hobbit's house and make it magical by putting all kinds of sounds together like a gentle wind blowing on pages and a fireplace crackling and making wonderful sounds that help lull me to sleep. If you find out what sound helps you relax even alittle, id say find it, or anything that interests you at all, there's bound to be an "Asmr" of it. there's a whole community for it and it has helped me so much throughout my stressful times and id have to say, ive gotten a lot better from it. If anyone has questions you can ask away, i wont respond until night as i focus on school though but please ask away and I hope this helps and much love <3
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ptsd
|
Hello. A few weeks ago I got stoned. I was in the room with some family. Things were running through my head like crazy then it's like I started saying stuff in my head. Something had popped in about me punching my loved one and I was like "hmm.. will I do that? You can do that? Should I do that?" And the feeling of something about to happen. Of course, it didnt, but for weeks I said this wasnt my ocd because I had said that in my head. I hated myself, fell into a deep hole and felt like a monster. Does it ever feel like you are saying things related to your obsessions then feel guilty? Does it ever feel like you liked an intrusive thought before you start freaking out? I hate this disorder and would love to have a normal brain.
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OCD
|
I saw a post from someone who a while back who had just started taking meds. And saying how they neevr knew how much time was in a day. And everything felt slower and they could accomplish so much more
I’m ready to talk to my dr and try to get help. I’m tried of being labeled lazy. Having 5 emails with 20k msgs. All that crap.
Do all meds give this feeling the person was talking about? Or is there specific one?
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ADHD
|
I have not been feeling myself recently, and I really just don't know what to do about it. It all really started about six months ago when I lost one of my best friends to suicide. He was the only person I could ever really talk with about my personal life, and was a big brother to me and always helped me through anything I needed. After growing up with my sister, who always bullied me and picked on me, and parents that weren't home all that often because of work, he really helped me through a tough spot in my life. But ever since he passed I just don't feel like myself anymore, and I don't know why. I got my dream job (although traveling all the time kinda sucks), making more money than I can want, recently bought a brand new truck, and god willing having enough for a down payment for a house at the end of next year. I just can't do it anymore I feel like I'm stuck in a endless loop of work, eat, sleep. I used to go out with friends on the weekend and go drink, and have fun, but I can't even find the motivation to want to do it anymore. I have good parents, and relatives, but they have never been the kind to just open up and talk, they all have the same attitude being a blue collar, rural family, "man up and get over it" and I used to be able to just "get over it" but I can't anymore. I physically and mentally can not find the motivation anymore to want to continue. I know it doesn't help being single, and traveling because its always just me and my thoughts, but I just can't do it, and I want to stop being this way but I don't know what it is. I just really miss being able to be happy, and really talking and connecting with someone.
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depression
|
This morning my neurologist showed me the results of my testing, which confirmed his diagnosis of my ADHD. In his summary he recommended “psychopharmaceutical” medication. Where do I go from here exactly? There’s no recommendation for a type of prescription so is that something Id discuss with my doctor? I won’t meet with my neurologist again for six weeks, should I be pursuing medication in the meantime? Thanks for anyone’s help on this, the American healthcare system is difficult to navigate.
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ADHD
|
I've been depressed all my life so it's nothing new to me. But I thought this depressive episode was mainly due to the fact I had no job. So I got a job that I actually wanted and looked forward too. But nothing changed. I'm still depressed as fuck, but now with more responsibility. I cant even try to off myself because if I fail and end up in a hospital I'll likely lose my job. I just dont know what to do anymore. Yes I have a therapist, yes I am on meds. I just fucking hate life and wish people would let me die.
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depression
|
Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can undermine the power of my perfectionist OCD?
I’m not looking to snap my fingers and overcome it in one fell swoop of course, but for example — I often “practice” letting myself be okay with feeling dirty, or walking barefoot, or letting a bit of mess sit in my room for awhile before cleaning as a sort of spiritual practice in combating my contamination OCD.
I’m thinking of small things, like morning routines that include writing scribbles or grocery lists in messy handwriting (instead of getting caught up in having to make it super neat and procrastinating so much time away). My main goal is to not procrastinate so much on my papers and readings on grad school.
Any ideas to chip away at the idea of failure and help me to safely make mistakes would be much appreciated.
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OCD
|
I have childhood trauma and recent trauma (I’m 20) and for the past few months I’ve been more and more isolated, reclusive, antisocial, whatever you want to call it. I used to be such an extrovert and hated being by myself, but now I feel like I can’t connect to anyone and I don’t have the desire to. It’s very confusing and frustrating and I’m constantly pushing people away because I don’t want them near me.
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ptsd
|
As the title says, today I was diagnosed at 23 yrs old. My doctor is starting me off with Adderall XR 10mg.
The whole appointment seemed very strange and it just felt like me rambling for 30 minutes.
I should have asked more questions after the diagnosis but I was just very overwhelmed and had too much in my mind to think of any relevant questions.
My appointment also seemed very short. It was 38 minutes long when I expected it to be at least an hour?
I have a follow up appointment in a month so that gives me the opportunity to ask more questions but this first appointment just seemed very rushed and not personable (if that makes sense)!
Has anyone else experienced this with their diagnostic appointment?
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ADHD
|
Hi, so this is my first time posting on Reddit ever. I created a new account.
TW: mentions of suicidal ideation and suicide.
So, I'm a young ish teen who has suffered from depression for as long as I can remember, like literally.
I'm currently seeing a therapist and taking meds regularly, and I'm definitely not in the worst period of my depression I've ever experienced.
I think I'm recovering and getting better.
But like, sometimes things are really triggering, they remind me of some of the awful thoughts I've had in the past, or some of the worst feelings. Any time I hear someone talk about suicide, and goes into deeper detail than just "took their own life," I start crying and thinking about what could have happened to me, or get really defensive and snap at people. Even when it's just mentioned I start to feel sort of wrong and bad.
\*spoilers for Arcane I guess\*
I recently watched Arcane, and sort of identified with some of what Jinx/Powder was going through. Although I don't have schizophrenia or bipolar, the idea of having so much pain and anxiety bottled inside resonates with me, and some of the things she says and the way she acts hits a little to close to home (on a smaller scale). The sort of out of control spirally feeling was also there. (could be projecting here.)
Anyway, when she sort of collapses and kills everyone, I just started bawling.
Like, full on mental breakdown.
I don't really know why.
It wasn't like "agh my favorite character died," it was like "that could've been me"
Except that's not really it either.
I just felt destroyed- maybe partially because it's horrible to see her suffering but also because it felt really personal
Has anyone had similar experiences of this sort of thing?
I don't really know what to call it or how to describe it, I'm going to talk to my therapist about this but I just couldn't stop thinking about it
Sorry for the length
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depression
|
I’m not good at anything really. Just meh. Academics? Below average. Smart? It’s okay. I’m a musician, but about average. I put in a lot of time, but I’m not very talented. I have decent hearing when it comes to music, but it’s average. I have other hobbies like fountain pens and calligraphy, but you wouldn’t call my works great. They’re “fine”. I feel so incredibly bland and unusable that it’s overwhelming. Everything I do is good in the eye of a person with no interest on the subject, but as soon as you look at it with a tiny bit of knowledge then you see that I’m about meh. Some people think I’m smart, but I have the bad habit of looking like that (I have no clue why) whilst I’m, again, about average. I’m a bit awkward in social situations, and I make mistakes, but not very abnormally so, I have trained myself to be average. You get the point.
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aspergers
|
I'm in my mid 30s. And l think my life is probably irrevocably fucked up.
I was able to keep pace with life events until somewhere in my 20s. I went to college, bought a house and all of that. I never got married and never had kids though. Not sure I want that but it sure makes you feel like an outcast to miss on that stuff.
I got bored and fed up with my hometown during covid. I decided to move somewhere for a fresh start. It has brought me quite a bit more stress and depression, which was the opposite of my plan.
I've spent so much money. I know no one here. I have a drinking problem that I can't seem to shake. I can't help but feel this is the beginning of the end. Finally dug myself into a hole too deep to climb out of, and it might be game over for me. I wish I could restart. I would do so many things different.
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depression
|
He's 1 years old and came to my family's house for Thanksgiving. (My family does Thanksgiving normally on the Friday or Saturday after the actual day) Anywho my cousins and uncle and grandparents came over and my cousin's kid (the 1 year old) kept on laughing when I did something and he unknowingly made me feel useful. I crocheted him a little doll and he loved it so much. He brought it with him all over the house. I started talking to him in spanish and he would laugh (as it sounds like gibberish to him) and if he would babble I would just be like "yes, sir, I agree with that statement" and he would just giggle and smile. He even grabbed my hand and lead me around the house and gave me a hug. It just really made my day.
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depression
|
I'm always being asked by people what I do or plan on doing for work, Etc. Idk what to them. I'm not intelligent or smart. When I was a kid I kinda wanted to be a scientist or something similar but knew that was impossible because I just KNEW something was not right. My mom tried to get me checked for Autism when I was younger but they didn't take her seriously... Just like school never did and partly why I dropped out. I can't pass my (GED) hiset for the life of me.😢 Even with tutoring. IDK what I'm supposed to do for work at 30 years old. Nothing works no train or educational opportunities. Nothing is for for me. I don't really have interests. Never really got to develop it. This is really the reason ( big part) as to why I don't pursue friends, relationships, Etc.
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aspergers
|
I've always been underweight. When I was growing up, my ribcage would show. I didn't have body dysmorphia, I know that I was underweight, but my metabolism was pretty fast.
Since I graduated school three years ago, I got engaged in more sports which stimulated my hunger and I was gaining weight! At the start of this year I was really happy with my body, as my ribcage wouldn't show and I felt healthy and fit. However, since the start of this year I stopped my sports routine due to travel difficulties.
I got diagnosed with combined ADHD this year around July, and I have been taking Vyvanse since. The start of it was okay, I noticed I was losing a little bit of weight but I felt like I had it under control. However, the last couple of weeks I've been juggling a lot of things and I think it has made me eat less. I feel awful because I'm barely eating, and my ribcage is showing again.
I've always been a picky eater, and ADHD on top of this makes it harder for me to go and make myself food. With the appetite suppression associated with Vyvanse, I just can't find foods I enjoy.
I need your help.
How do you guys plan your meals so that you're getting adequate food intake? How do you know how much you need to eat? And what are some of your favourites?
I hate breakfast foods; the smell of coffee and eggs make me gag. I struggle with getting out of bed so I normally wake up and take my Vyvanse straight away so that it's easier to get up when it kicks in. However, I really need a food that I can leave on my bedside table that I can take with the tablet. If I don't eat something in the morning, I normally feel really anxious around the afternoon.
Hope you guys can share some tips or stories regarding problems that may be similar to mine
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ADHD
|
I don’t even know where to start, I was late with one assignment and then it all piled up, they’re all due this week and I’m not even a full time student. For one class I misinterpreted the late grading policy and thought it would just be a letter down for having it late, so ok not a biggie, just gotta make sure it’s an absolute A so it can only go down to a B right?
NOT that class, this one was one letter grade down PER DAY LATE and I’m so behind, how do I even go about asking my prof for time?
I feel like such a loser, maybe I should drop or something but for context, I cannot afford therapy right now and my meds aren’t working. I know I’m irresponsible, it’s not just my ADHD it’s both but god I’m scared.
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ADHD
|
[Atychiphobia: 3 Signs You Fear Failure](https://psychcentral.com/blog/caregivers/2018/12/atychiphobia-3-signs-you-fear-failure#1)
This hits really close to home. And all this time I thought I had OCD.
Or do we all fear failure?
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aspergers
|
Depression has been getting worse as time goes on.
I've tried 4 antidepressants, 2 atypicals. All failures.
I like my therapist. It's a good conversation. But at about 15-16 sessions in and I'm not really doing any better. Arguably I'm doing worse.
I've spoken to multiple doctors. Two different psychiatrists this year.
Nothing. Literally, nothing helps. I'm very unhappy. Every attempt I try to get better I end up the same or worse.
What's wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with my brain? Why can't I ever progress?
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depression
|
Everyone in my house is sick right now with a cold. And also everyone is depressed. So the kitchen is a mess. I’m going to try and get the energy to clean it but what are some meals to buy that are super easy on the stomach and not too much steps?
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depression
|
Hi all! New to this forum but happy to be here!
I’m in my early 30s and was just clinically diagnosed. I had no idea I had ADHD until I happened to see a TikTok video about adult ADHD and the person was literally describing me. I then fell down a rabbit hole of researching and felt so…validated?!? I did great throughout school, but all of the dysfunctioning components of ADHD have always been my downfall. Time and time again, for really as long as I can remember, all the nasty little elements of ADHD have been who I am. I’ve always felt as though something was off, but attributed my behavior to just who I am. I’ve always struggled with self-image. I’m a highly motivated, hard working individual, yet my executive dysfunction can paint a different picture for some.
Anywho, I finally presented my “discovery” to my telepsych I’ve been seeing for a bit and she confirmed I have ADHD. She asked me to set up an appointment in a month to discuss treatment options as my time was up. Fine! So excited to get meds to get my life in order! Well. Tonight the telepsych says I can pursue a stimulant or a non-stimulant medication, but either way I need to see an in-person clinician for the prescription. Um, I was hoping to get meds TODAY to get my life in order. But, alas. Ugh. So now I’m frustrated and feeling overwhelmed, as I don’t currently have a PCP or psych I see. Now that I have this diagnosis, I’m thrilled! But the hoops I need to jump through are intimidating.
Advice on stimulant vs. non stimulant?
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ADHD
|
I’ve been in a depressive episode for about 6-8 months now, and I’ve noticed it really has taken a toll on my libido. I’m a 17 year-old heterosexual male, and I’d be lying if I told you sex wasn’t once on my mind a lot, but now my drive has just gone completely. I masturbate on the odd occasion, but only so that my minimal sex-drive can be one less inconvenience in my life for a few days - a week.
Sometimes, even the thought of having sex makes me feel sad. It is also affecting my ability to explore relationships with people; I am in close-contact with a wonderful girl at the moment, and I am thankful for I love her company. However, I have such minimal sexual desire, which makes things a little awkward in that regard. I don’t want to disappoint anybody, but at the moment I feel I would.
I don’t believe sex is the only reason why heterosexual men form a close-bond with women, but it is often at least partially so. Of course - I have female friends, and with friendship this lack of sexual-drive is obviously irrelevant. But if I were to go on a date, for example, I feel with such a dampened sex-drive I may come across as dull or uninterested. Having a libido provides an incredible sense of incentive and sociability when forming the beginning of a relationship with someone that just isn’t there anymore.
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depression
|
i don’t know what to do about this.
this started one day as a thought like “did i stare at someone today?” and then it got a lot worse with my harm obsession. i visibly moved away or tensed up when after getting an intrusive thought about a stranger, and this made me worry a lot. since this was at school, i notice them around, and for some reason i always feel nervous/guilty whenever i walk past them. i feel so awful for this because i definitely come off as uncomfortable towards them and it’s just so weird of me.
i’m constantly worried if i’m making angry expressions towards people, if i’m walking too slowly, if i’m walking too fast, if i’m staring at people, if i’m avoiding people, if i look visibly anxious and if other people think i hate them. and since i’m always thinking about these things i’m more likely to come off as strange towards other people. i hate this because i really don’t want to make people uncomfortable. i just hope that nobody notices how i’m acting.
is there anything i could do? i think the only compulsions i have here are mental ones and i started to stop them a bit. i just feel so awful that this ever became a thing.
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OCD
|
I think I should talk about it with my therapist. I have so much shame that I can’t even bring it up. She works with my psychiatrist and she knows, but idk about my therapist. I’m not sure if they have access to the same file. Have any of you?
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aspergers
|
my girlfriend is a straight A student. whenever i mention that im not going for straight As on something, she silently judges me. A couple hours ago i called her out on it by saying i dont like a challenge and i really just dont enjoy doing it, and he judging me for it is frustrating. she started going on about how "its not fun if i can pass something in my sleep" and i told her that school in general is just boring. i could go for As if i wanted but i choose not to, because at the end of the day its just all the same. What i didnt tell her, was that i mostly dont because i struggle ALOT with motivation and focus. i struggle to stay in one place, i struggle to study and i struggle to pay attention. I would go for straight As if it wasnt for the fact that ADHD makes school boring and it makes it so hard to get anything. There is also just so little incentive to getting straight As, whats the point in trying?
she replied with one of the most frustrating sentences.
"And i thought you were different."
if that isnt emotionally manipulative i dont know what is. the fact she assumes im just some fucking loser just because i dont get straight As, and ignores the fact i am trying really hard in other areas of college pisses me off. How do you explain to someone that its almost out of your control? NTs think im just saying it as an excuse. im fucking trying but she cant see that. I have tried explaining to her in the past how ADHD and ASD affect me and how horrible it truly is to not only my social skills and attention span/focus, but also my mental health. i get judged for things that are out of control.
i just
why
why do NTs do this. i feel like shit from that statement "and i thought you were different." it fucking hurts that she is blaming me for something almost out of my control. i thought she was different. i thought she would understand my problems and frustrations of all people. i liked her because when i spoke to her about the struggles of ADHD and ASD she would listen, but she seems to just not understand like almost every other person.
the world is fucking rough
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ADHD
|
Everyone around me just thinks I’m the happiest person ever, but it’s all fake to hide how I’m really feeling. My life is falling apart.
I hate the project I’m working on at work. I loathe waking up every day and going to work.
I have a very good job but I have an addiction to impulse spending my money. So people just assume that I have a lot of money. I don’t.
I’ve been working very hard on saving money for the car of my dreams. Days after spending a large sum on a deposit for a car, 3 appliances broke in my house I have no money to fix them. I can’t get the money back and I’m going to have to sell everything I love just to make it work. And probably sell the car immediately.
I used to be a social butterfly but I have shut myself out of all social life that I have one friend that I still talk to. Outside of that I have no one anymore.
I cannot sleep anymore. I end up thinking about everything bad in my life. I haven’t slept in days. I think I’m starting to hallucinate.
Just not sure where to go from here. I’m not suicidal, I just don’t really want to be here anymore.
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depression
|
Hello, I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose anything (I’m starting counselling very soon and will be getting a diagnosis from a professional later on depending on how things feel, as they can be expensive.)
Im a trans guy (23yr) and just finished university (doing 2D animation) with flying marks. However I do not feel like I finished well at all. I had lots of problems which I’ll list (both uni related and not.)
- my inability to do things. I try so hard to do things but I find so much of it to be so hard! When I was at uni, if I managed to do work for even like 10min I’d have to praise my self as it was so hard to get to even that point. If I managed to somehow do 3 hrs of work (very rare) it would be like the heavens had opened up and blessed me that day. I honestly thought I might have depression but whenever I managed to do something I would always be so freaking happy and feel like dancing.
-procrastination. I still do things in good time but I procrastinate… heavily. Things like bank stuff, forms, writing etc. Are the worst perpetrators. I’m ment to be getting a job at the moment but…
-mood swings. I’ve found that I have rapid ups and downs. But when I don’t pressure myself about my lack of ability to do things I feel pretty ok.
-trouble keeping in contact with friends and I often have a quite a bit of anxiety before, while and after meeting (repaying things that have happened in my head)
-my mind is often racing. I’m often never where I am but am actually somewhere else in my head. often feel like I’m fighting against my own head to do things.
-I get/find things I obsess over. Like recently I’ve been theoretically weighing all the pros and cons of different types of small pets and looking up video/pictures. Like what would I theoretically buy. (I’ve bought a bass guitar this way which I often guiltily look at. I like buying things but I was reaalllyy bad as a kid so I’ve learnt a lot of self control.)
- I find finishing things really hard, not just projects and stuff. But also things like tv show/films. Things that should be fun. A lot of the series that are my absolute favourites I haven’t even finished.
-wasted potential, I have so many things that I’ve wanted to do but haven’t and I hate it. I see people who are at least able to try, while I feel stuck. I’ve tried planning things out so many times (and in many different ways), oftentimes just to see it fall though after a week or so. When I try doing things I feel like there’s a mental wall blocking me.
These are some of the things that make me think that I may have adhd. I’ve broken down more times then I care to admit about my inability to do things. Ive cried so many times out of frustration.
I just want to ask, does the fact I’ve managed to finish uni mean that there really is no way I have adhd, and that all these problems I face are from something else? Im still gonna try and deal with whatever it is. I’m sorry. I’m crying rn. I hope this didn’t break any rules, I tried to be careful.
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ADHD
|
A lot of my friends read “The Body Keeps Score” and conclude that they have Cptsd. I’m happy that they’re taking an interest in their mental health and they resonate with the diagnosis. They might very well have it. It just seems a little insensitive to self-diagnose in front of someone that actually has PTSD. Idk, am I being too much?
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ptsd
|
It's too much. Everybody wants too much from me. I'm feeling panic attacks creeping up whenever I think about school. I haven't been able to send some vitally important emails just because my mind is so occupied with stress, I just can't. On Thursday I didn't go to a single of the many lectures I have simply because I wasn't able to. I stayed in bed, cried all day, didn't have the strength to excuse myself while also missing at least two exams. I'm so angry with myself but I just can't cope. I think I'll drop out and hate myself forever, because I really want to study. I like studying. But not like this. Not like this.
|
ADHD
|
My story is complex, but basically I had corrective jaw surgery and had a very satisfactory result, however it drastically changed how I look so I had what was supposed to be a very minor revision to get closer to how I used to look but that didn’t go as planned. After multiple surgeries I look pretty good and should have nothing to complain about, but I realized that I looked freaking amazing after that initial surgery and I have so much regret and wish I just left it alone and have gave it time to grow on me. This has caused trauma and kind of keeps me stuck in a hypervilligence state. I wish I can get back to how I was post the first surgery and my mind is so stuck on this that I can’t be present and I’m overly self conscious now.
I’ve done many therapies but nothing has worked.
My question is. Should I look at the old pics until I become numb to it, like exposure therapy or should I avoid them? It seems like either way I go it’s painful but I have to find peace with this.
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ptsd
|
I just need someone to talk to about these suicidal thoughts I have
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depression
|
As dictated in the title, I am not diagnosed with OCD nor do I intend to self-diagnose myself with it, as it is disrespectful to people who are diagnosed with OCD. However, I think I am expressing some behaviors that MIGHT (emphasis on the all-caps and imaginary underline because I couldn't find an underline button) be somewhat related to it. I don't know any other subreddits where I can post this kind of stuff, and I really need to vent.
A few days ago, I decided to make a playlist of all the songs that I like, whether I listened to them years ago or I still like them. This might sound like it's completely random and can't have anything to do with having compulsive thoughts and actions, but it did. Whenever I forget the name of a song or songs I wanted to add to the playlist, it really annoyed me, and I would spend hours stressing out about the lost memory and trying to remember it again. I don't think this qualifies as a compulsive thought, because people forget things and get stressed out about it all the time, but it was what I would call a prologue to the disaster that happened next.
Yesterday, I finished adding all the songs I wanted to my playlist, and it ended up being very large, with songs of various different genres and moods. I wanted to organize the playlist so that the songs would be in perfect order based on their genre, category, whether they were sad or happy, which songs to use to transition from one category to another, etc. This seemed impossible to do given that some of the songs don't specifically fall into any category, so I gave up on the playlist. However, I then started getting stressed out by the fact that my playlist wasn't organized. I thought this was nothing but my typical perfectionist tendencies, but the thoughts of my playlist not being organized started getting really debilitating and I just couldn't shake it off. At times, my mind made me go to my playlist to organize it at what was seemingly against my own will. Whenever that happened, I would again give up because it was simply to difficult, and then I would again get stressed out that it wasn't organized. I managed to hold back the thoughts just enough so I could go to sleep because it was getting late, thinking that I would deal with them tomorrow. When I woke up today, after my usual annoyance with the fact that I woke up, I again started to have repetitive thoughts about wanting to organize my playlist. Again, when I tried to organize it, I gave up. Throughout my whole day, my thoughts were, "My playlist isn't organized, my playlist isn't organized, my playlist isn't organized." Sometimes the thoughts were at the forefront of my mind, and that really stresses me out having to hold back the urge to go back to my playlist, and sometimes it was just a vague thought at the back of my mind. I then thought that it was just procrastination stress and it couldn't possibly be anything serious because everyone gets stressed out when they procrastinate, right? Now, I think to myself, "Is it really 'not anything serious' if you got so stressed out about it that you were sweating, your heart was beating really fast, and you had a bit of trouble breathing when you started writing this post?" Luckily, that stuff is mainly over, but I still have this really severe mind fog and I'm overall just numb.
This story isn't the only example of thoughts that are recurring and lead to what might be compulsions. For example, if I'm watching a video and I miss even one tiny bit of it, I get the urge to reverse it again and again until I've pretty much memorized it, and my mind simply will not be at ease until I do. Some of my urges have a bunch of complicated backstory that I cannot describe here because then this post would be too long. There are also a bunch of unwanted and intrusive thoughts of a darker nature that I get, and whenever these unwanted thoughts invade my mind, it literally makes me want to scream, because no matter how hard I try, I cannot get them out. At this point, I just let the thoughts come and have my panic attack until they go way. I have never talked about any of this to anyone, because no-one would understand my weird urges and unwanted thoughts, and I'm afraid I'll get cut off and isolated if I am open about my experiences.
Then again, maybe I'm just faking it and I'm just doing the bullshit, "I'm so OCD because I hate when things are disorganized" thing. If this is the case, I profusely apologize to everyone here, I only know very basic information about OCD and I'm really new to this subject, so it's really not my place to wonder if these are obsessive-compulsive behaviors or not. I don't even know if this post even belongs here, so if this post doesn't fit into the context of this sub, I also apologize for that.
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OCD
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