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as I was explaining to a friend today, parents house isn’t the place where my trauma occurred - but man does it pretty much trigger me 90% of the time I’m there. A lot of yelling, tension, “tough love” kind of place. My parents I think mean well but they just don’t really understand. They don’t even believe I truly have PTSD, which is the most heart breaking part. When I was diagnosed, they actually made a joke out of it and insisted they were using humor as a way to cope... at my expense....
Idk. I love them and I love spending time with them but I have horrible nightmares and anxiety being in the home. After my traumatic event, I had to move home and I just have an unhappy vibe on the place now. It’s still home... but I’m trying to make it feel like a home in my heart again.
What do you do when you’re triggered in your family’s home?
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ptsd
|
So I've been having what started as a compulsion to move my head a certain way when hearing chewing noises turn into somewhat random head jerking motions that isn't always triggered by noise/visual stimuli.
I've noticed however that it only happens around people. If I'm by myself, it literally just stops.
I'm very confused right now
|
OCD
|
Neighborhood cop harassing you non stop and there's nothing you can do but file a restraining order but he's friends will continue to harass you anyway and you can't file a restraining order for all of his 8 racist friend in the neighborhood. The best you can do is file a lawsuit to the HOA for fair housing rights.
It makes me so angry and triggers my PTSD for what they did. I had a federal job at the time and they reached out to my career to continue to harass me at my workplace. I received multiple death threats and was violated in ways I cannot mention here. I lost my career, my health both mental and physical. It's been over a year and I still have PTSD from this. I just want justice, our laws don't matter if you are a minority. "neighborhood gang" will organize and harass you for their sick amusement.
|
ptsd
|
I don’t feel like living anymore
Nothing makes me happy
Nothing matters
What if I just jump and then I’m gone?
Free fall for a bit before smacking the ground
It’ll be fun
|
depression
|
Sometimes I have the same amount of emotion for a friend that I imagine is suffering as someone else that I don't know.
I then ignore the feelings towards the unknown person because it should not be the same amount. In my mind I should not care at all if I don't really have a connection with them, but still I do.
Feelings are never objective and never logical. But how do you make decisions then? Which feelings are "true" and which are not?
Example:
Unknown man is collapsed in the street and I feel the need to help them.
Thoughts: why should I help? Do I really care? I feel the need to help, but I have no history with him, like with friends, no relationship. I never did anything with them. Is he then not just some molecules that are functioning incorrectly compared to the friends that I do have history with?
If not: how can it be that I care the same for someone that I don't know as much as people that I do know. I don't want that because it feels like the people that I do know don't mean much to me.
I wish I could lower the amount of feelings for people to make it match with how much I know them. Or increase the amount of feelings for people I do care about, so that it is higher than for those that I don't know. But I can't.
What do you think about this?
|
aspergers
|
Hi 👋
Does anyone know of any link between OCD and psychosis?
I seem to see things that aren’t there, like people passing or following me. I don’t know if this is just the result of obsessions and paranoia or I’m actually seeing things.
Any one has any input?
|
OCD
|
[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/meehrh/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/)
**So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.
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aspergers
|
If you’re struggling with this too I suggest you do the same! As a 30 year old woman, I used to be able to lay in bed for HOURS and waste half the day scrolling TikTok. Now I’m limited to one hour per day. It’s helped a lot!
On the iPhone:
Settings > screen time > app limits > add limit
Hope this helps you too.
|
ADHD
|
I have PTSD from child sexual abuse. I've been trying for years since I remembered it fully to get help. I use alcohol to cope and it's destroyed my life the past couple years. I can't keep down a job, I lash out at people I love, and mixing it with meds has regularly made me lose conciousness and scare those i'm closest to.
I'm at a loss of what to do, I had a very bad episode where my boyfriend found me passed out after he was gone for a couple hours and he was so scared of what would have happened if I had thrown up passed out.
My parents heard about this and were very angry. They've been dealing with this and understandably are fed up with my legal troubles, inability to hold a stable job, and my need to isolate when things get bad.
My father gets very angry and yells after I have these episodes and it spirals me down further in my hole. I don't WANT to be like this, and maybe if he had protected me as a child this wouldn't have happened. That being said, I started to have some concerning memories about me being a child and him wrapping his legs around me and vibrating. It scared me but I didn't realize what was happening. All I know is i've always been terrefied of him and regularly have nightmares of him raping me.
I've been suicidal and tried several times, and I'm at a loss of what to do this is the most hopeless I've ever felt. I wish I could check into mental health treatment and escape this nightmare and get some help. I'm trying to get off my meds (effexor) because i'm sick of being on it.
A part of me wishes I could escape my parents because they make me feel awful. The only times i've been happy was when I lived away from them. But now I'm 1500 in debt and a way out seems like nowhere in sight. I'm sick of living this cycle of retraumatizing myself and then isolating to deal with how overwhelming my pain is. I'm not really looking for answers, I just really needed to get some of this off my chest. Thank you guys.
|
ptsd
|
This is what my therapist said a couple of days ago when expressing my doubts about a possible adhd diagnosis, and how to recognize when someone is lazy and when they are struggling.
It really surprised me when I've heard it, but now I realize it makes total sense. Now I try and remind myself of it whenever possible.
|
ADHD
|
Sometimes i have this feeling when i do something that my mind doesnt realize its done and keeps doing it. As an example, i am talking to someone on the phone and when the conversation is done i feel like im still talking to them. Its almost as if my brain is delayed in processing..
|
OCD
|
hi! I would like to excuse in advance for the NSFW topic, I don't see anything against this kind of topics in the rules, but if that's against the rules I will remove it without problems :)
anyways, I always thought that my problem with condoms was linked to a bad size or something of that kind, but now that I've found a perfect size for me, I still have a problem that makes it impossible to use them! **long story short** is that I ALWAYS came while I'm unrolling them (or 5/10 seconds later). now that the "bad size" hypothesis is pretty much discarded, I'm thinking that it could be an overstimulation caused by that latex-thing with a sightly tight wrap and if that's the case I don't have a single clue about how to fix that (or even if I can fix that).
I've tried searching for other people that have that same problem, but I couldn't find anything. At this point I think that overstimulation could be the only plausible option :( do you have a similar experience or do you have any tips on how to deal with it? I think that it is affecting pretty badly my daily life since I've missed our a lot of opportunities (even relationships) just for that reason!
|
aspergers
|
I think I succeeded but I’m not sure. I had to touch a doorknob and not wash my hands straight after. I touched the doorknob in therapy, went back home afterwards, cuddled with my cat and only washed my hands after that. I think it was what I had to do. The anxiety felt awful and very high but I’m glad I did it. The only thing is that I washed my hands twice after hugging my cat
|
OCD
|
To anyone who's been there and done it, I am requesting help. Actually, I'm requesting something far more important (to me) - I'm requesting hope.
Background - I've recently hit an emotional rock bottom. After a long year (closer to year and nine months) I've finally had a mental and emotional breakdown. On top of the pandemic, I've also lost two family members (grandmother and an uncle), and I cut back on drinking. That should have been a good thing (and overall is), but without that crutch, I am way more in tune with my emotions than I've ever been. I spent a week-long period of time on my own (I used to live with a friend, but I housesat for a friend for a week and it was the longest I'd gone on my own). I got a promotion at work, but it was at a time where I wasn't as emotionally stable as I thought and the stress of learning new tasks was overwhelming. It doesn't help that I have severe issues, which I'll get to. Either way, it was too much.
I also fell on some hard financial times. Long story short, it was the result of poor life choices. Nothing like knowing you further fucked up your already fucked up life to make you feel great.
History - I'm BIPOC and LGBTQ+. Not that those inherently lead to issues, but being a child/teen during a time when those weren't celebrated and were chastised did not help with my development.
Add to that the fact that I was put into foster care, a victim of child abuse, and that my father and step father both left me, you can imagine where this is going.
I know that those require attention, and am in the midst of searching for trauma counseling, but I'm afraid. Not of what I have to face (I know I can do it), but of what comes after. I'm so afraid of the life after. Before the breakdown, I felt like my life meant something. I felt like it had value. I was someone and I was doing something.
Since the breakdown, I quit my job, moved back in with my mom (where I contribute nothing and feel shitty for it), and have cut myself off from my friends.
How am I going to get it back? How am I going to find a way back to being someone of worth? How am I going to get a life I can be proud of? I'm so worried that I'm going to spend the rest of my life regretting how I gave it all up. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and endured, but I couldn't do it anymore. I feel like healing won't fix things, and that the rest of my life will be nothing but a testament to everything I lost.
So... if you've been to the bottom and come back, please... give me hope. How did you do it? What helped? How did you get over the guilt and shame of knowing you let down everyone who ever believed in and depended on you? I need to believe there is something worth fighting for, otherwise what is the point?
|
depression
|
I didn’t even know this was a thing. Just curious to hear other people’s experiences.
|
ptsd
|
Especially in interviews! That question always gets me. What do they want to know?
|
aspergers
|
My stimming is not very visible in public, it usually looks like subtle rocking, or fidgeting, sometimes I feel so excited I don’t even know I’m doing it but feel an enormous amount of pleasure. I noticed a lot of people stare.
My mom said when she was out with me she noticed lots of Karen types looking at me in a disgust way.
I always dress nice in public. I don’t wear a Warcraft top and wear a cargo shorts. I usually wear jeans, a nice top with a trucker jacket or a jumper.
But for the stimming it’s out of my control
|
aspergers
|
I am 21 and have suffered from OCD since I was 16, but I did the unthinkable and 'conquered' my OCD.
I used to think that my OCD was a rot and I wanted nothing more to get rid of it, I see lots of people on this sub thinking the same thing. But the most liberating thing for me was realising that it's something you can't get rid of; it will always be with you and that's not a bad thing.
OCD is a tree with many branches, so everyone's situation is different and the same solution won't work for everyone. However, I suffered from an extremely dark form of OCD for a long time. I felt constantly guilty and stressed. I dissociated myself from friends and family . I was a prisoner inside my own mind. All of this because I felt that these thoughts made me a horrible person who had no place in society.
But the reality is that OCD isn't a bad thing, most of us think it is because our fear and trauma cause our minds to fixate and obsess over negative thoughts. While I don't think we can get rid of our OCD, I do think we can displace the negative obsessions with positive obsessions. I no longer think and obsess over the negative thoughts that once cursed me because I learnt to accept my OCD, relinquish fear, and circumvent the negative obsessive energy into positive obsessive energy.
OCD is an engine, you can either fuel it with fear, or with positivity
​
​
p.s sorry if this comes off as patronising. I'm just sharing as this point of view works for me
|
OCD
|
Hi y'all
So I recently got switched from Adderall XR to Vyvanse. (Which I feel works for me better). \*I know this is not everyone's experience. I began at the low dose of 30mg and am now on 40mg. I feel that, although it helps me, its not quite a high enough dosage. I'm wondering if anyone else here has been on higher than 40mg? I'm not asking for medical advice, I'm just wondering others' experience/if they have been similar. Thanks
|
ADHD
|
Mine is “A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger” by Of Montreal
|
aspergers
|
Hei there you strong, beautiful souls!
I hope you're all fine :) and have a good day ^^
Uhm - I don't know if I should put a trigger warning? For those reading ro know; i ask questions about ptsd and what it's like for those, with ptsd.
You're doing great and you are loved <3
I am here to ask some questions because I thought about writing a Character in my Story with ptsd and i want to picture it realisticly.. and I, myself, don't have ptsd, so i figured i ask to portray my character realisticly and I hope, to not offend anyone with my, maybe, stupid questions!
(Btw I googled it multiple times but the things that come up are not helpful at all because they're mostly just doctors description of ptsd and not real World peoples view on it)
So in the following my questions;
What kind of event (trauma) can cause ptsd?
Does it start immediately after the event?
Is there medication that helps?
What are those "ptsd dreams"(?) Like? (Read about it, kinda like having flashbacks in some way?)
If you have those dreams, do they occur very often? Just every once in a while or maybe every night?
Do they get less, after the incident may date back some time?
Do you have some symptoms that are common? Like shivers and stuff?
What does that feel like?
Any advice to portray ptsd realistically? Like i want to in my Story?
Regards and in hope for an answer (thanks in advance! You Rock this!)
~ rae
|
ptsd
|
I (59) M Recently got the news that my mother (89) just passed away
and i wish i could say that it hit me hard but to be honest felt nothing
it was the same when my friends my father passed away and when i herd about my brothers passing
the last time i felt anything about somebody passing is when my sister was killed when she was
hit by a car i was heading home from junior high i got to were the paramedics were working trying to save her life with blood all around her and i started to cry i cried for about a hour and then nothing
i want to know whats wrong with me i want to feel something anything
**HELP PLEASE!!!**
|
depression
|
I don’t know if I can be in my 30s still experiencing this. Or even mid 20s. Every time I think I’m getting to a good place it comes right back. I’m in so much pain and I just can’t see a future with this. It hurts so badly, everywhere. Especially my chest. And I don’t know how to exist normally anymore. I don’t know if I want to. I’m just so tired. And this is kind of cringe I’m sorry, I’ve just never felt this horrible before. Everything is so dark and bleak and I’m getting scared. I’ve never had dreams of suicide before but now I am. I used to be able to deal with it but this time is different. I can’t eat, can barely sleep, and even moving and breathing is a chore. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. And I feel so much guilt too. I’m not sure what the point of this is, just wanted to get it off my chest I guess.
|
depression
|
in march my dad died in july my sister died and during that this year also my grandma uncle and 2 cousins. immediately after my dad and sisters death i crashed into a deep ass depression for weeks. i was being sad all the fuckin time, didnt stick my legs outta bed most days, not eating anything not even pizza, snoozing thru days and nights, boozin and smokin days and night, yada yada
since then obviously it made me sad to think about it and i thought about it everyday but i felt i was able to get thru it ok like any other person who gone thru the bs i did. i still drink way too much but fck it thats life
anyways for sum reason in the beginning of this week i fell back into a deep ass depression like i did after they died. here we go again im back to being a lazy fck, going hungry, hitting the snooze button, drinkin and boofin 24/7, same fuckin thing
thing is i dont know y i fell into so hard outta nowhere and so bad. could it be cus thanksgiving jus happened n christmas is around the corner? but i was back at college partying this past weekend and everything was great. idk wut happened. i literally woke up n felt like shit i was blacked out the night before it was awesome. i dont want it to get this bad again i thought i wrked thru it, is this shit gonna hit me again outta nowhere
|
depression
|
Today we had a meeting with my school. I pretty much told them I needed out ASAP. We made a plan, I'll be taking a pretest, and then once I turn 16 I'll take the actual test to sign out of school and get a high school equivalent. If I pass the test I'm out. As of right now, I'm not enrolled in any classes and I'm prepping to take the pretest. If theres anything wrong, I can be sent to a program that will specifically help me pass this test. Once I'm done, I'm out and welcome to join a class in January of 2023 to walk down and graduate. I'm so happy, my guidance counselor is very nice and has helped me through every step.
|
ADHD
|
Ken Smith was a combat Vietnam veteran and, later, a paramedic; he wrote a book on his experiences with PTSD later on in life and published it online as a free e-book called PTSD Secrets for Survival. I first learned about him in Judith Herman's fantastic book Trauma and Recovery. You can read about Ken Smith and his book here: [https://www.veteranstodayarchives.com/2011/10/20/ptsd-secrets/](https://www.veteranstodayarchives.com/2011/10/20/ptsd-secrets/)
I think this book might be incredibly helpful for someone I know who has had similar experiences to Mr. Smith. I've been looking for it online for a long time with no luck; the url for the website that originally hosted it ([www.ptsdsecrets.com](https://www.ptsdsecrets.com)) now leads to a North Carolina treatment center for veterans.
Since this book was originally published as a free e-book, I hope it's alright if I ask if anyone has a copy of it, and whether they'd be willing to send it to me?
|
ptsd
|
This subreddit has been a godsend to me and I appreciate very much this sense of community and open and honest questioning and answering. I’ve learned a tremendous amount and just wanted to thank all of you.
It has made my quality of life better. 🙃
|
aspergers
|
I've been working in IT for 10+ years. Still at my first job since graduation. I'm very good at my job, but horrible at everything social around it. I'm bad at pitching my ideas and expressing my enthousiasm.
I never had a good feeling about my job. My energy is drained halfway through every work day. But it's what I know, and change is scary. They do cater to my needs to some degree, so finding a job at a similar company might make my situation even worse.
I always found I'm very motivated to do resultbased work. Give me X money and I will do Y work for you. In contrast of working 9 to 5 or charging by the hour.
I've been considering freelance for many years. I could earn a lot more. But it's equally scary. I would have to apply for jobs, go on interviews, maybe often go work on-site with different people every time, ... and here I am, unable to even make a dentist appointment on the phone.
I just feel a little lost. I'm so good at what I do, but I still feel there are no good options for me.
|
aspergers
|
So, I recently got drunk for the first time. And I may or may not have also smoked weed at the same time. So 2 depressants=No bueno. I didn't exactly get a flashback. It was more of split second flashes every once and a while of the sound and even feeling of situations where I was being abused.
Anyone else get this?
|
ptsd
|
I can’t believe I’m able to accomplish so much! I feel unstoppable, and I actually get a lot of stuff done. Laundry? Check. Cleaning my room? Check. Studying? Check. Actually eating on time? Check.
Oh man I crave this feeling. It feels too good, you know.
PS: Based on my experience, have a friend/bunch of friends who can remind and push you to do stuff. Getting the ball to roll is the hard part. Mental inertia is a real thing.
|
ADHD
|
I've had a big obsession with fantasy my entire life, and I still remember very well how it started. For me, it happened when I was just nine. I remember I was sitting in the back seat of my car, listening to an audiobook. Until then, I had only ever listened to stories like magic tree house, but nothing that could be considered "fantasy". Then that day I listened my first 'sword and sorcery' book. I was so fascinated, I still remember it's plot even 12 years later.
That began a long obsession that got me from Paolini to Terry brooks and finally to Sanderson, then also got me into dungeons and dragons, which I later left for other games (I hate d&d now, but that's another subject). I've written Fantasy stories as well, and even finished a dull novel, which I didn't publish because first novels are Bad.
|
aspergers
|
as a teen i hate when adults don't take me seriously but with ocd i can't even take myself seriously and it's destroying my self esteem!! i wish i could feel deserving of love again... before i started obsessing over taboo topics, at the start of the quarantine, i was OK, i felt kind of sad sure-but i didn't have a reason to think i deserved that misery... now that i have these horrible thoughts it feels adequate... i miss thse days so much. now i cant even look at my friends and family in the eye.
i know its no good but sometimes i'll think that there's another me in another timeline that is living a normal life and is happy and it kind of cheers me up. i just needed to get that off my chest.
|
OCD
|
Hello everyone. This past year my wife has discovered she has ADHD and as she has educated herself on it she has educated me as well so I better understand. After learning about it; things she has done, communication issues we sometimes have, among other things make sense. I know now about what to do if she’s hyper fixated on something and don’t take it personally. I understand that her scrolling through tic toc while we’re having conversation isn’t being rude but just something she needs to do. What I’m here for is how do I help her or what should I do when she’s overstimulated? We have a toddler who is currently in the difficult stage and my wife easily gets overstimulated and frustrated. I know why she is now but I’m hoping there’s a way I can help or something I can do to alleviate those times she’s overwhelmed. She also feels like a terrible mother in these situations, when she most certainly isn’t. Just looking for some advice from people who are further along in their journey with ADHD than she is so I can be supportive as she has been with me and my own personal mental health issues
Edit: I think I mixed up her scrolling Facebook instead of Tic Toc. I don’t have tic toc so I didn’t realize that’s the one with videos and music and stuff. Not sure if scrolling Facebook is any different though
|
ADHD
|
I am a child of divorce. My dad is a dead beat who was absent for my most of my life. I knew him in my youth but he spent most of his time cussing my mom. We had it hard, he didn’t send any money for child support but he did to my half brother whom is 3 months younger than me. I have move in with him for about 2 and a half years and I’ve learnt that he pretty much does not care about me. He wouldn’t attempt to show love or try to bond with me if I’m not making the effort to do so. Example he would ask me to do something for him for us to bond but before, during and after said event he would not try to learn something new about me. I recently found out who he really is in terms of nature and I can’t help but see him as an evil guy. He is a two faced, narcissist who only cares about bonding with me when I get help from outside sources and at that point he’s jealous.
Do I owe him anything?
|
depression
|
My second exposure I’ve done this week for my contamination ocd and I’m really proud of myself :)
|
OCD
|
I’m very empathetic, I care a lot about the people in my life. Which is why this apathy is so confusing. Lately I’ve felt such little genuine happiness or love for another person, nothing even seems real to me. I’m numb. It’s like getting attached to a video game character. I can only to an extent, until it doesn’t feel real anymore. I feel like I’m faking everything. I just want to feel like a person again. Does it get better?
|
ptsd
|
TW: holidays, family and reference to abuse.
I feel like I have no choice but to go to the family gatherings I've been invited to even though I know that my abusive parents will be there, I don't know how to deal with being around them and people that blame me for the things that happened. I went to a family gathering today and they were there and it was very difficult and I had to leave almost immediately. Does anyone have any advice for this stuff or the holidays in general since it's a pretty triggering time
|
ptsd
|
im selfish but i find any bad thing i could do that would apparently benefit me as something actually bad for me. being a good person is a win win for everyone
|
aspergers
|
I am clever, kind and successful and what I try to accomplish and have few but good friends that I can talk to - but don't because why ruin these nice relationships and contaminate others lives. Will finish my masters degree next week and have already been recruited for a phd program in a an interesting field of research - and I couldn't care less.
I just keep doing stuff. But I just know and have always known that I will never be at a point where I can feel satisfied and okay. I feel like the person I was supposed to be had been killed so early on and in so many different ways into such small particles that I can never put myself together again into a person that can just enjoy life?
Anyway, I just keep going and doing stuff and feeling good here and there. But it just never sticks. I know I will get a pretty good mark on my last exam and will be happy for a day. And then that day ends and I will have to do the next thing and the next and I'm just so exhausted by it. Anyone else felt this and got better?
I tried meds and therapy. The meds take away the few things I like about myself and therapy didn't work either.
|
depression
|
That’s about it... Everything else is incredible. I’m able to shower, brush my teeth, do homework and all that for the first time in so long. But I also almost feel like I’m tweaking. I’m already on anxiety meds (lexapro for three years), but I’ve been feeling almost constant panic. Does this get better??? Is it worth sticking it out??? I don’t know how to calm down.
|
ADHD
|
I normally only struggle with dermatillomania but i also have flair ups of general OCD, and is convinced I drank bleach even though I literally had just gotten the water out of the drain. Now I’m scared to drink water so I hope this will wear off so I don’t get too dehydrated, I might have to drink a milk tea though so I calm down once I do drink something since milk tea has a very calm taste but it’s not tasteless like water so I won’t freak out.
|
OCD
|
My ocd is taking over my life and I just can’t deal with it anymore. I have tried to ‘fix myself’ over the past decade and tell myself I can’t let this stop me from living my life but at some point it just falls on my own deaf ears.
Trying to find rational thoughts is like trying to get blood from a stone.
Today I begged the doctor for SSRI’s while I wait on psychiatry to give me an appointment because I can’t wait months without some kind of help.
I just want to be able to have a day without worry again. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.
|
OCD
|
Hi, as the title says. Survivor of sexual assault how did you recover
|
ptsd
|
Hello, I just ventured into Reddit randomly few days ago. And I saw a lot of people. I came across this community and I know many people are dealing with a lot here, so I want to just help if I can. I am not really a therapist or anything but if someone wants to vent about something, I can hear it out.
|
depression
|
I'm only writing this to get it off my chest, since I have no one to talk to.
It has been several years of extreme struggle. I only recently found out that I'm on the spectrum.
Making new friends has been really hard. I really want to talk to someone. I do tend to get fixated on my own problems and interests when talking to someone, but given enough time, I have enough empathy to listen to the other person.
I have tried to meet people. Many, many people. While it doesn't go too badly, almost no one follows up, and no one responds well when I follow up. Perhaps it's because I 'click' with so few people.
It is quite similar with dating, except this it stings much more for some reason.
All of this is compounded by me being a South Asian person currently in the US.
I constantly feel like a monster. People are rarely mean, but they keep their distance. It feels like I'm some weirdo who no one wants to spend quality time with. As if something is horribly wrong with me.
I don't want to feel this way. I want to talk and talk and talk with someone, joke around, go out, ask them to click pictures of me. I want to kiss someone and hug someone.
I have had good friends at one point. But with undergrad ending, those are gone. I was in a relationship at a point, but it didn't end well.
I just want to not be lonely.
|
aspergers
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Hey y’all I hope everyone’s doing okay.
So this is nowhere near my biggest issue but I’ve had this problem for a long time so basically… I have no interest in food. Apathy to such a degree that I am in almost constant pain from being hungry but even though I’m at this point probably literally starving it’s unbelievably hard for me to eat anything. I’m not worried about my weight or what type of food I eat or anything I just literally don’t want to eat ever. All my favourite foods are appealing anymore (or have been for a while) and i average about one meal a day at most, genuinely nothing at worst. Had anyone been thru something similar and did anything work for you?
Thanks y’all and I wish the best for you. Happy holidays
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depression
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I live alone.
I have no one to talk to. I have no friends.
I just want to end it all.
Since my relationship broke down 5 months ago, I've just been used by men for sex and then rejected/ghosted by them. I feel disgusted with myself. I don't understand why I let myself get into these situations. This evening I've been rejected by someone who I thought I had a connection with. Someone that I had told about my struggles with my mental health. I thought they understood. But instead they let me think that I could trust them so that I would sleep with them.
​
I feel so low and don't know what to do anymore.
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depression
|
Ever since 6th grade I was diagnosed with OCD. My OCD is more Pure O, and it’s all across the spectrum. If I don’t wash my hands I’ll contaminate someone, if I don’t do a certain action I or my family will die or go to hell, I’ve had this prayer in my head for years that I repeat over and over dozens and dozens of time… just the other day I was repeating what books I’m going to read in what order next over and over and it gave me a headache. Sometimes my symptoms are outward too, like hand washing or scratching my head and skin picking.
Yet, when I told my therapist about the inward symptoms, the thoughts, she said it sounded like anxiety and not OCD. This deeply disturbed me, because if it’s not OCD then what the hell is it? I was diagnosed in 6th grade and my mantra to get through life was “it’s not me, it’s my OCD.” But for her to doubt me is troubling. I told her my Pure O symptoms and it was as if she didn’t know what Pure O was. I was always led to believe that it’s a known thing.
So what should I do? I feel like I should find someone else, someone who is an expert in SPECIFICALLY OCD. The thought that I don’t have OCD has been a fear of mine, and as much as I hate it, if I don’t have it it would make me doubt everything. Maybe the fact that I’m here obsessing over it is proof enough. But damn, it is infuriating that she seemingly doesn’t understand that OCD can just be inward and not outward.
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OCD
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This is gonna be long as hell.
Trigger warning: suicide, pocd, real event ocd, grooming.
Not really a vent post. Just my experience with ocd and how it developed bc I need to get this all off my mind.
when I was eleven years old I would get on my iPod touch and talk to strangers online.
I downloaded this app that was basically just a bunch of forums? I would post random stories and chat with people and eventually I made some friends. Most of these people were adults of course. This app was FULLL of sexual content. Like everyone was soooo obsessed with sex and I was extremely confused but intrigued so I would go along with “role playing” even tho I didn’t even know the full extent or purpose behind this. Basically I was exposed to a bunch of 18+ shit way too early. (I def lied about my age but I’m extremely positive I said I was 15 or 16 so still a MINOR)
Anyway, one day I was extremely sick and I was staying home from school. I had a lot of time to myself. The last time I would ever let myself be alone. I got a weird thought in my head and it led to another. I started feeling guilty for talking to these people online and how if my parents found out I was being sexual they would be so disappointed in me. I knew better. They made me promise to never speak to a stranger and not only did I break that but I did even WORSE. It was the most confusing thing because I could feel so much physical pain from being so guilty. I thought they’d never be able to look me in the eyes ever again and that I would be disowned from my family. These thoughts got worse and worse and for weeks I kept it a secret. I would go to church and try to pray the thoughts away and when that didn’t work I prayed to be killed. the worst part is that I was eleven years old dealing with all this by myself. I didn’t tell my friends, I never cried in front of anyone because they’d ask what’s wrong and I didn’t want to answer. My parents tried to put me in therapy bc I became so reserved and fragile they had no idea what was wrong. I did everything I could to get out of therapy bc I didn’t want the therapist to pull all these deep secrets out of me I needed them to be buried deeper and deeper. I rejected all help and I carried the same painful guilt for months. I slept one hour every night bc I couldn’t fall asleep, I’d force myself to go to school when I was sick bc I didn’t want to be alone. When I had a happy moment everything brought me back to that guilt. A few years went by and I was a shell of a body. I started high school, I joined every single club possible because I didn’t want to be alone. I would work almost every day, ANYTHING to keep me distracted. Every time my parents would tell me they loved me or how proud they were of me my gut would get painfully tight. They wouldn’t love me if they knew my secret.
Yes after a few years it slowly got easier to manage but my life was quite literally ruined bc I was constantly fixated on this stupid thing I did when I was eleven. Things started to change around 16 years old. I was able to go a few hours without thinking about it. I thought I was finally free but at this point I had just broken up with this asshole of a guy who I didn’t even like and he wouldn’t leave me alone. I received Constant texts and calls gaslighting me and telling me I was selfish. The gears started turning and I was back in but this time it was so deep. It got SO BAD that I genuinely started believing one of his family members who had passed away was latching onto my soul as revenge, and possessing me to question my reality. I STILL kept all these thoughts to myself bc I knew how crazy I sounded but I felt like my brain was fucking broken.
I got over all that after a few months and I was doing fantastic. I literally felt like I was fixed and I didn’t even care about figuring out what any of that was because I was fucking FREE. Until a few months before my 18th birthday. I started experiencing POCD. This was something I couldn’t explain away as “it’s not a big deal” because if I did then I would be an abuse apologist. I genuinely thought I was going to kill myself. I did not plan on graduating high school. this wasn’t even something I wanted to do but I needed to get rid of myself before I hurt anybody. I started self harming and I stopped eating. This was the worst thing I had ever felt in my entire life. I started an SSRI because at this point I was voluntarily in therapy for anxiety but i still wouldn’t tell my therapist about these thoughts. I thought she’d call the police.
I mean at this point, you know how the story goes. Ocd left for a little while and then it came back with a vengeance on my 20th birthday. It was extremely extremely bad but by some grace of god (I don’t know how but I literally thank the universe soooo fucking deeply for this,) I came across the term pure ocd and as soon as I read that I broke down crying. This was why my brain hated me. I knew what OCD was, I’ve watched documentaries as well as researched it myself but I didn’t have any stereotypical symptoms. I didn’t even have compulsions. I didn’t even KNOW THAT PURE O EXISTED.
it’s been a year since I have discovered this about myself and I have been able to get real support. I am able to discuss with my parents and with my friends. It’s great but NOW I have to deal with the ten years of unresolved trauma I experienced trying to keep all of this a secret. When my ocd is bad I can’t listen to certain songs, taste certain things, smell certain things bc they trigger me. I’m genuinely wondering if it’s possible to experience PTSD or BPD from this experience. I dissociate and can’t regulate my emotions as an adult. I’m a hot mess even when I’m not in my OCD phases ( ok I have adhd and depression but I feel like I’d be able to manage those better if I had a functional childhood) I believe that my brain permanently developed in a state of constant alert and danger. I’m a very reactionary person (if not outwardly I take it out on myself).
I am (obviously) self aware. I’ve always thought it was stupid but recently I’ve been trying to focus on imagining talking to myself as a child. Since I was terrified and just wanted to feel safe, I wrote myself a letter to my younger self explaining exactly what was happening to me. Idk how much it helps but I’m definitely making progress.
Anyway I wrote this post because I kept everything a secret for so long that I just want someone to listen to me even if it’s the void. Even though I still struggle, I am insanely proud of myself for staying alive and for being brave enough to educate my friends and family on what ocd ACTUALLY looks like. yes I’m terrified about what will happen when it hits me again but for now i focus on the present and enjoy the time I spend feeling safe. During the pandemic I did the unthinkable and spent hundreds of days by myself. I can enjoy alone time, meditation, falling asleep, hanging with friends and I can sit with uncertainty. Healing is possible and you deserve it.
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OCD
|
Hello all!
So I suffer from Contamination OCD and yesterday I went outside after a really long time. I don't have any professional support so my exposures come from daily normal life.
If I was able to not do any compulsion for a whole day, does it count as progress? I don't feel anxious but the thoughts of being contaminated are still there.
Thanks
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OCD
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When I do my ERP, I feel like I’m “cheating” or taking the easy way out or I’m not allowed to get better. Like for instance I was at the grocery store and I started getting bad intrusive thoughts but I thought to myself, “okay I’m gonna handle my anxiety differently this time and see what happens”. It was like this force was pulling me to do my compulsion, like I HAD to do it or else. Anyone else experience this?
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OCD
|
So I watched a video about highly sensitive people. As I always do, I think “a lot of that applies to me”. Looked it up and it seems to be common in people with adhd. I do wonder how common it is for people with adhd. When I say sensitive, I mean a couple of things. Feeling weird with loud noises and extreme stimuli. When I’m anxious or feel something physical, I feel it more and want it to be solved right away (example, it’s a bit colder now and I can’t stand it). Being an emotional sponge. Sometimes I’ll just look at a random person on the street and think “poor them, now I feel sad”. Being a people pleaser. Getting emotionally hurt over little things. Having emotions just going up and down. If this is common, what helps?
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ADHD
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I've been raped three times in my life. The first two were when I was younger, at parties where I was drugged and would wake up the next day not knowing what happened.
The main reason I'm in this group is because of the third time. It happened three years ago. I recently broke up with the guy I was dating and moved in with two girls. They set up an online profile for me to meet new people. I didn't want to but I went along with it. The guy I met seemed nice. We hung out a few times over a week. He seemed nice, sweet and funny.
Everything changed when I found out that he recently had gotten released from prison for nearly killing his daughter.
I tried to leave immediately after I was told this... But my car was blocked in and I didn't know what to do.
He begged me to come back in and let him explain. I didn't know what else to do. I should have left.
He made me a drink and I passed out. When I woke up I was naked, strapped down to a table, and tortured and raped for three days straight.
On the fourth day I woke up completely clothed and all of my stuff was sitting in the chair. I ran. I got in my car and went to the only person I trusted, my ex. He could tell something horrible happened to me. It was about four days later when I had the courage to go to the local police. They told me that since I had taken a shower and didn't have any evidence, it was my word against his.
For the past three years, the guy who did this to me would mentally fuck with me. He would create multiple profiles on Facebook to message me and send pictures and videos of what he did to me. This didn't start until months later.
Recently, November 16th he messaged me for the first time in about a year to tell me "Wanted to celebrate the anniversary" and attach a picture of a really gross website where you would find child pornography or worse. It was the video of me, with the statistics of how many people viewed the video. It completely broke me.
I had a mental breakdown. I felt as if I was worthless and nothing. I started sleeping all day, not showering, not eating, and having panic attacks. I didn't understand what was happening to me. Certain scents, sounds, and being around certain people or places I would have a flashback of what happened to me.
I recently tried to kill myself. I had such an intense flashback where I could feel him on top of me, the coldness of the blade he cut me with and the smell of his breath ( cheap cigarettes and beer). I couldn't get myself out of it. I didn't know if it was real or not. When it passed, I was in the corner of my room with a knife in my hand. I cut my wrist to get me out of the flashback. I didn't want to experience that ever again, so I just took a handful of allergy pills.
My bf came home and got me to the hospital. Apparently you have to take over 500 mg of allergy meds to do any damage. All I did was make myself sick and tired. I felt so dumb and I told myself that if I ever feel that way again I need to deal with it better.
I am seeing a psychiatrist soon. But I'm an introvert, so going to local support groups are terrifying.
A friend of mine told me about this group and well here I am.
- Wolf
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ptsd
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I have a visual flashback of a man looming over me with his hands out-reached toward me. I can feel his eyes - he’s going to hurt me and he’s going to enjoy it.
One of my primary trauma symptoms physiologically when triggered is that my neck tightens painfully around my voice box.
I don’t remember what happened, nor who did it. Anyone else experience this?
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ptsd
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I am 19M and just told my mom about the sexual abuse from when I was 12 that I kept a secret for years. I also told her the PTSD I have from it. She was very supportive and loving, and made me promise to give her a big hug when I saw her next, which I obviously did. It’s still a big struggle, but having her unconditional love and support means the world to me. She said she would move heaven and earth to help me. It was really hard to tell her, so I had to by writing a letter, putting it on her bed and going to a friends house.
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ptsd
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I am.struggling a lot right now. Nothing is making me positive about anything. My friends never want to hang out or talk anymore. My best friend is too busy with being a mom and dealing with her ex that I can't rely on her like I used to. I hate my job and my boss keeps piling it on me for no reason. I can't seem to have anything go right. When something starts to go right it always just falls apart. I can't win and am tired of being alone crying in my apartment. I don't know what to do anymore
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depression
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It's unnerving. Everytime a word pops up in my mind and I'm not sure about its meaning I have to google it immediately. No way around it. Does anyone relate?
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OCD
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In my area the pandemic has us in a partial lockdown with some restrictions. Schools are open half the week and online the other half. Yesterday I was on a walk with my friend and we walked past an elementary school, instantly my brain was on about putting my mask on so I couldn't breath in ' contaminated air ' as I walked past the school but I decided to keep it off to challenge the thoughts. I kept it off the whole time but my brain decided I needed a 'counter' for not wearing my mask so I was shaking my hand at my side as I walked. I feel good for not wearing my mask to challenge my head but I'm a bit sad I couldn't just walk normally without having to 'counter'
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OCD
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Whenever I become profoundly bored, I get drowsy, and I’ll fall asleep. In a meeting, I used to in classes, while others are driving, and apparently while I am. No matter how much sleep I get, if I get bored even for a few minutes, intense drowsiness will take over and I’ll microsleep until I pull over. Nothing seems to help. I’ve tried listening to music louder, windows down, podcasts, phone calls, once my boredom drowsiness kicks in, it is only a matter of time. I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss, but does anyone else have this issue? What do you do? I’d love to be able to just drive and not have to worry about this.
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ADHD
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Hey folx,
I was just diagnosed with OCPD, it seems to have been a result of the trauma.
I just wanted to know if anyone else has OCPD here and how their treatment is going? What's helped? Any tips for managing expectations of self ?
Thanks !!!
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ptsd
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So yesterday I went into my sibling's room to get something from their closet. I slid open the doors with my hands and thought nothing of it at first. Then I might've touched the floor because I needed to check for something underneath the bed.
Then I had a thought pop into my head "what if there is HIV from dried fluids on those closet doors, doorknob, or floor that I just touched?"
I don't even know why my mind is so fixated on HIV or went there in the first place.
Anyway, I quickly washed my hands and cleaned down everything I had just touched. I even wore vinyl gloves to do it. Everything seemed fine after so I just tossed the gloves I had used to clean everything with on my bedroom floor for the night.
However yesterday I decided to pick up those gloves with a paper towel and throw them away. But when I picked them up the paper towel didn't cover every part of the glove and touched my fingers a little. I told myself to wash and disinfect my hands afterwards but forgot to do so and then about 20 minutes later I ate a sandwich with my hands. Then I realized I had a little sore in my mouth or maybe a cut from brushing my teeth the previous night.
Now I'm just so scared that I have HIV because what if my hands became contaminated with the virus from touching those gloves and not washing them before I put food into my mouth with my hands.
Feeling ashamed because I love my sibling and I know this isn't a judgment on their cleanliness or health but yet I still can't get the thoughts out of my head. And I can't stop washing and disinfecting everything I've touched.
I haven't slept at all and I'm just so exhausted from thinking and crying. I hate that my mind will take me to the darkest places. If anyone reads this thank you for taking the time to do so.
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OCD
|
Hey, I (19M) have been on Atomoxetine (Strattera) for a month now, taking 50mg a day (I initially had some nasty side effects but they went away)But I haven’t felt any changes. I’ve read a lot of stories on here about people finally feeling normal and being able to get work done after starting their meds, but honestly, I haven’t experienced none of that and it’s starting to get rather discouraging.
I thought things would get easier after getting diagnosed and starting medication but so far, literally nothing in me has changed!
Will increasing my dosage be effective?Is there anything I can do to enhance the drug’s function?
Any advice is appreciated!
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ADHD
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Hello, how do you guys deal with the added anxiety from your OCD about the pandemic?
Any tips? It’s completely consuming me for the past few days. 🥺
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OCD
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My anxiety has been out of control recently, The urge to confess everything and worried i am an awful person has been killing me as of late, My brain causes me to think i was to search awful things like Child Porn into google or i want to harm someone, i know i have zero attraction and I know i dont want to hurt anyone, but my brain yells at me saying oh you do, I wish for awhile i would be able to just have a day where i didnt feel like i was battling myself constantly
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OCD
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The cure for OCD is when you realize that your biggest fear is just a fear and not a reality.
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OCD
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I ask because I was recently diagnosed with OCD. I’d say I am anxious pretty much all day every day (I had previously been diagnosed with GAD), and often this anxiety is accompanied by unwanted thoughts (usually surrounding my/my loved ones’ health, mental health, and safety). BUT I only sometimes feel the need to do compulsions. I guess I’m just confused about when it goes from GAD to OCD, though I obviously know the two conditions can co-occur.
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OCD
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My OCD is really bad right now.
I want to start seeing a therapist, but I feel super overwhelmed with that task.
I just don't know where to start.
I contacted a bunch of them a few months ago but got lots of "we're already at full capacity right know" type of rejections.
So I asked a trusted family member of they could help me.
But all they did was laugh and get angry with me.
Saying that I don't need a therapist that urgently and I should "just stop" doing my compulsions if I wanted them to go away.
I feel so betrayed and embarrassed. Now I am even more anxious about opening up to anyone or asking for help.
I just need some motivation and support right know.
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OCD
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If you haven't found this beautiful community, please do yourself a favor and find autistic tictok.
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aspergers
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Everyone knows that one side effect of adderall is loss of appetite. For the people who solely obtain medication just to lose weight, ruin it for the people who actually need it. This creates a stigma that people who use it only get it for that reason. I’m sick of explaining to people that In reality that could be true for some but once you’ve been taking medication for so long it actually just stops me from binge eating impulsively. Then having someone mention “you lost weight because of adderall”
I’m tired of having to cut corners to obtain medication because people abuse it.
Does anyone else feel the same?
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ADHD
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I'm currently in my junior year of college and I feel like I haven't kept many friends. Sure, I'm in a couple of organizations because of my major and I share a lot of classes with some people and we talk in passing but like, I don't talk to them outside of that, nor do I strike up a conversation when I see them elsewhere on campus.
I'd also like to note that I work full time and live on my own, so I'm not on campus that often unless it's an in-person class.
Lately I've been falling into this pit of despair because I feel like I hear people talk a lot about how you're supposed to make a lot of friends in college. I'd like to keep talking to these people elsewhere, but I don't know, I feel like my mind is on "go-mode" and I don't have time to stop and chat, I gotta get to class. I gotta go to work. I gotta do homework first. That stuff comes first in my mind, and I can't see myself loosening up.
I'm just - what the hell do I do? It's so depressing, man.
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aspergers
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I want to be loved so much it hurts. It’s all I’ve ever tried for my entire life. I’ve made versions of me around certain people so that everyone likes me. I’ve sacrificed every last bit of my mental energy to anyone who would give me the light of day. I’ve followed anyone who’d hug me blindly until I’ve almost died. …. None of those people ever stuck around. I don’t know how to make REAL friends; I just assume I’m gonna fuck it up or they’re gonna fuck me up. I’ve taught MYSELF that the only way people will like me is if I’m useful to them. Is if I make myself something they LIKE, wether that be a mindless yes person, a partner, a therapist, anything. Anything. Anything I’d do ANYTHING to get a fucking HUG. To get someone to care more than they seem to, to get someone to just fucking like me for ME… to kiss me on the forehead and tell me ‘I love you’ but no one DOES. No one CAN. I’ve sacrificed myself for a love I didn’t have and couldn’t have. I’ve sacrificed myself so many times I don’t think I have anything left. And at this point, after so many abusive situations, I’m ready to become a full shut in and just. End it.
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depression
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so for the longest time one of my biggest sensory dislikes was yoghurt. something about it being too liquidy to crunch but too solid to drink always bothered me and made me gag. but today i decided to face my fears. i brewed 2 shots of espresso and fixed up some greek yoghurt with honey, craisins, and granola for breakfast this morning, and let me tell ya, it was life changing. never before had i eaten yoghurt without wanting to projectile vomit all over the table. never before had i had an entire bowl of yoghurt and not poured it down the garbage disposal. i know it’s minor, but i’m still very proud of myself.
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aspergers
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When I was little, I had fear of some young adults. I am in my 30s now, and it is not bad anymore though. I wonder if anyone relates.
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aspergers
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I have been trying to use a meditation app to do some mindfulness meditation which requires focusing on breathing sensations. However, every time I attempt this my sensorimotor obsessions gets kicked in. I start thinking I cant breath, my breathing gets shallow and I feel like I'm getting shortness of breath. The issue usually lasts days after an attempt at meditation and I get stuck in this cycle of focusing on my breathing. In fact you are not even supposed to be controlling your breathing and merely observing the sensation of it in your abdomen or nostril.
​
Anyone has been able to do mindfulness meditation while having Sensorimotor obsessions? Any tips would be very helpful!
Thank you!
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OCD
|
I have always watched gore videos at some point, all the times because I was bored. But in the beginning of the year I entered a rabbit hole of gore videos and I started to study them (sorta) I watched gore stuff, exploitative movies, shockumentaries. While entering this rabbit hole I found out about a movie - which I won't talk about because it's possibly the most messed up thing I have seen in my life, but I didn't watch it, I have just read about it and I thought it didn't mess with me or anything.
Until I tried to describe the video to someone I know, I had the scariest anxiety attack I ever had in my life, I quickly started to cry a lot and breath really fast, like I never did in my whole life. Never thought I could get traumatized from something I have read about online. Or was it the amount of videos I have seen + that? I really don't know, that's why I'm asking.
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ptsd
|
All the time, I feel this constant nagging from my mind in that area. It almost feels like it is where all my worries, anxieties and wants of procrastination are. And it just never stops, I always feel it. It may rise or lower in that constant nagging chemical feeling but it never truly stops. Is this a regular occurrence with people? Is there to make it stop, how to make it shut up?
I never seem to experience complete silence in my mind when it is around, I have only had one moment without it while on a vacation, and it was complete bliss and clarity. Perhaps it is just how I experience anxiety, but I've never heard it described in this way before by others. Or perhaps it is the feeling caused by ADHDs lack of dopamine in that segment of my mind.
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ADHD
|
I feel like I’m going to become another statistic, and no one will even notice. I feel replaceable and empty. I’m constantly typing out a letter on here, but I always delete it. What’s the point? No one will read it. How long will I allow this to stay up before I delete it. How long until I loose the ability to care how my death will affect others and I just delete myself.
I broke down at work last week and they signed me up for therapy. I haven’t done anything about it. It’s not that I don’t care about getting better. I’m just so apathetic and exhausted.
My boyfriend told me yesterday that he has been thinking of killing himself a lot lately. He won’t do it, but he wants to. He wants everyone in the world to leave him alone. I feel worse knowing that, and I feel guilty about feeling upset that he opened up to me.
And here I am. Complaining to no one, laying in bed alone in the dark, not eating again. Im so tired and I just want to sleep. But I can’t. I can only lay here while my mind rattles on forever.
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depression
|
When I'm really nervous and/or when I'm being vulnerable, I shiver like I'm freezing. But I'm sweating. But I'm freezing. But I'm just nervous. But the shakes don't stop. Can anyone relate? Is this even an aspie thing, or just an anxious-person thing?
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aspergers
|
I’ve tried everything.
No matter how tired I was throughout the day, by nightfall I’m wide awake and not only that but I’m interested by everything I see or hear.
I only had 45 minutes of sleep last night and was tired as hell all day planning to go to bed at 10pm to reset my sleep pattern.
Then just before I shut my laptop I see some article about films, end up watching Bladerunner 2049 then listening to standup from George Carlin, researching music and mood while listening to Ulcerates latest album and somehow ended up reading about Malthusian vs cornucopian futurism - whoops it’s 4am. The mf birds are chirping and the sun is started to raise its ugly head
Maybe I need to get a nocturnal job.
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ADHD
|
Once I had bad anxiety and a big crisis over the simmetry of my piercings. I would take pictures and stare at them all day long to see if they were simmetrical and I'd compare my piercings to others from the internet. It was disturbing. I'd cry about it even though I knew it was shalow and pointless. After this episode I got a nose job. And I was already stressed out about choosing the doctor, I needed to be certain that the doctor I'd choose was the best for what I wanted. And after I got it done, the same thing happened. I've noticed that my nostrils were not as simetrical as I wanted them to be and I obsessed over this. To the point I'd get panic attacks and search again for online forums to see all the bad things that could possibily happen to me in the recovery from the surgery. I'd think about my nose 24/7 and cry and suffer. It was not proportional to the actual event.
But from what I've reaserached people who are diagnosed with OCD may have this simmetry obsession too but along with other thoughts like: if things are not simmetrical some bad thing may happen to you or another person and I don't have that. I just have this urge for certanty and sometimes I obsessive over specific things. Now I am obsessed with finding my diagnosis and I keep watching videos online about bipolar disorder and ocd to see if I have one of these. Other thing that I constantly do is overthink, overanalyse situations and overquestion absolutely everything. What could this be?
ps: my first language is portuguese sorry if I wrote anything wrong.
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OCD
|
I just finished a human sexuality class that I am taking for my psych minor in school. I really enjoyed the class despite the hard work and the time crunch (it was an intersession class, so the whole 15 week course was condensed into 3 weeks).
However, the other day I was doing a homework assignment that asked us to decide if the given scenarios were rape. I was immediately uncomfortable and when I got to the 4th scenario, I had to take a break and calm down because it was nearly the same situation in which I was assaulted
Today, I took my final exam, and because it wasn't comprehensive, a lot of the questions were about sexual assault. Some described situations, but others just talked about the reactions that people have after experiencing sexual trauma.
It really triggered me. Having to identify the different stages of reactions post-rape made me think of my own assault and it was just too much. I did manage to pull myself together, and I still got an A on the exam, but I feel so emotionally exhausted and just plain upset.
I'm frustrated because it's been a while since I've been triggered like this, and I know I've been making progress, but I'm sad I'm in this place again, especially since I know to expect that I won't really be feeling myself the next couple days.
If it were an in person class, I feel like I would have been better prepared and that I could have spoken to the professor privately about my concerns, but because it's online and because it's the last day of the class, there isn't really much I can do.
I just need some kind words right now.
|
ptsd
|
TW: Sexual Assault/Stalking/Sodomy/Sexual Torture/Assault
I feel like an idiot. I made an “I was” post on my twitter account and a follower “liked” it. I realized I had no idea who she was so I did a deep dive and now realize she is connected with my abuser. (Possibly paranoid now) I feel like she is only following my account to keep track of what I say/how I say it in order to report back to my abuser. This abuser (female) threatened me and my family, stalked me in college (she was a roommate the first year), beat me, and sexually tortured/sodomized me.
I live in a state with awful sexual violence laws but I do have a police report filed roughly three years after the abuse. I’ve wanted to move forward with the report for months but she still terrifies me and I know a lawyer will rip me to pieces. I’m just feeling lost right now and I know my statute of limitations are closing in.
|
ptsd
|
Firstly, do any of y'all experience that as well? Like I understand it's just a game, however, one mistake killed me and I lost days on days of work like that. I wish I could say I wasn't crying as I type this.
Usual ways I fix this:
Rampant cheating-takes some accomplishment out depending on what I'm doin, but very nice for not dying, giving stuff back to myself etc.
In Minecraft specifically, fuck mobs 99% of the time, I hate when I'm just having a good time and a creeper drops from the sky (underground) and best case scenario I panic but recover, worst case scenario I get exploded.
Also- I usually turn off fire damage, it was a stray lava block and walking against where I was digging that ripped 30 levels and a freshly enchanted pickaxe from me.
-however- my friend who runs our server decided wands that go back to your death point was equivalent to keep inventory, (and then also switching to normal :))))))) and there's 3 of them and one of me so that's gonna stay the way it is. He helped me get stuff back the first time I died like that, xp and all, but now I've just gotta lose my stuff and start over and I can't do it again.
Sorry this was so long and rambly, it's what I do best. I hope y'all had a good Thanksgiving! I was until I dug into lava.
(Also for my ladies, hormones are a bitch, don't forget your birth control if you've been steady on it for a while, I forgot how much I cried before my BC and EmReg meds lmao)
|
ADHD
|
Hi!
Been struggling with pureOCD for many years, mostly sexual, relationship and health oriented. I did seek out professional help a few years ago and it helped alot.
However, last year I got testicular cancer and when I finished chemo and was going trough recovery, I started doing different things to better my all-over health.
Now I was not particulary unhealthy to begin with, but cancer makes you think.
Anyway I got into fasting (intermittent) and later on the ketogenic diet, as these go well together.
After a while I noticed my anxiety vanishing. A LOT.
This was especially noticable when I went back to eating carbs again (weekend or vacation) and I noticed that I would wake up the day after with an anxiety and unpleasant feeling that I had for YEARS before.
This made me also realize that much of the anxiety was just a bad reaction to carbs, and the OCD attached it to something else entirely (you know how it is).
Obviously I cant prove this but there seems to be some research on it, so I would definetly give it a shot
|
OCD
|
I am not diagnosed with Aspergers but I am in treatment for ADHD with Atomoxetine for 2-3 months.
I am a 30-year-old male.
There was a girl I liked and she was constantly clearing her throat. One day I suddenly started to clear my throat the same way as she did as if I have assimilated something from her personality and took it as my own trait.
Something similar happened to me when I saw a woman jerking her head violently and I immediately repeated the behavior.
These are my only experiences with these kinds of things and they happened in about two years.
Did I adopted a physical movement and make it a stim? Or what it is?
Also, I have noticed I am severely mentally unstable (emotional dysregulation) if I am not physically active (walking around the town) but for many years I did not make this connection. I do not know why
Can this be a sign of my mental health deterioration because I was not feeding my brain with proper stimulation?
Is it a sign of autism or ADHD? How these two can comorbid when they seem like mirror opposites?
And one thing, I show a lot of disorganization symptoms (my room looks like a battlefield and nothing is in place) which are clearly pointing to ADHD but I cannot help it, I see also some repetitive behavior from my childhood like wearing the same trousers every day or I am just browsing the internet every day so another repetition but after a while, I get emotionally dysregulated I start to feel irritable and I fantasize about conflict with people which pissed me off a lot in high school so I am not sure If my brain like this much browsing. I think I need more stimulation to stay outside of my head.
Thank you for reading my whole post.
|
aspergers
|
my only escape is sleep and i can’t even sleep without being haunted with nightmares. it hurts internally and i don’t know what to do.
|
depression
|
Friends are mad at me for not understanding the social situation; Idk what to do/think...
I’m really struggling so any advice would be really great, feel free to write what you think generally as well. I don’t have anyone to talk to who’s not neurotypical so I’d really appreciate it.
So tonight my friend texted in our groupchat that she wanted to go get food and that she wanted to leave around 7. At 7 everyone was gathered and I was still getting ready (picking an outfit which I struggle with because I’m questioning my gender and also have body image issues).
Eventually I ended up taking 20 minutes extra to get downstairs so everyone could leave. I will say that I was “lax” with the situation and didn’t rush as much as I could have. After taking the train -getting there about an hour and fifteen minutes before it was closed for the night- we ended up not being able to get a seat and just had to order takeout and go back.
My friends were very, very upset (which I also attribute part of it to their already bad mood for the day since two of them also misread the timing of their whale watching tickets so they walked two hours for nothing and can’t get a refund). But, talking to them more I found out they thought a few things...
a.) They perceived this dinner to be a “last night out” for all of us because we’re leaving college for the summer, and thought of it as being a very important event.
b.) They thought they had been expressing to me sufficiently that it bothers them a-lot when I am behind schedule, in regards to previous instances.
c.) They perceived their interactions with me as sufficient enough to convey the ideas behind both a and b.
I had no idea the dinner meant anything to them besides just good food. Nothing was mentioned, but apparently they all understood it as that. Also, I have explicitly said “if something I do bothers you or there’s an issue, please tell me directly” because “unless you tell me something, I probably won’t know”.
I’ve only talked to one of them in the aftermath about this but apparently they constitute a quick mention of “how it’s annoying that I take a long time to get ready” as vocalizing that this actually bothers them a lot and is a major issue. They also say the reason behind not saying anything to me directly is it’s “difficult” or uncomfortable for them to verbalize this explicitly, as well as it being an inconvenience .
And after a conversation with one of them after the event, I asked if people in the group could tell me when something is important, if there’s a time constraint, or just anything along those lines, he said “you know we can’t tell you every time”. In the same conversation I was also met with the phrases “you need to try harder”, “you need to put in more work”, and “work harder”.
I had no bad intentions and this all just seems like it came out of nowhere for me. Some aspects of this also feel very ableist on their part, but I don’t know what to think. Please help :(
|
aspergers
|
I came to this sub because I think *i* might be autistic.. I also had a serious partner a few years ago who recently found out they are. But as I’ve been reading more and more about autism and overcoming stereotypes and learning about what it really is, I’m 99.9% certain my current boyfriend is.
Everything from pacing and stimming, info dumps, executive dysfunction, clumsiness, difficulty making eye contact, talking to himself a lot, social views and rejection of norms (which is part of what I love about him)....Those were all things that had come up individually as things he had struggled with but suddenly it was clear as a whole picture.
Wanting him to have that relief and lucidity like I was experiencing, I mentioned to him that he could maybe be autistic. He shut down the conversation and mentioned months later that it had really hurt him and it was a rude thing to say and to never say that to someone again.
It sucks because I see him struggle and say things like “sorry I know I talk too much” (when he info dumps) and really struggle with holding down a job and all these things related to executive dysfunction, like time management, losing things, even buying groceries because it’s hard for him to get organized and plan that far ahead. Some of these things I’m helping with, like the groceries, some I still struggle with but not as much.
I just wish I could tell him that hey, all these things that are hard for you, it’s not your fault. I still can, but like I wish I could buy him adult stim toys and talk to him about executive dysfunction without it being weird.
He used to be very big into self reflection and improvement, but I think right now he’s in a stage of avoidance for that stuff. He also was diagnosed with ADHD and had major eye problems as a child and mentioned his mom took him to all kinds of doctors and even a counselor that he hated, so I think he has bad associations with all that and now just wants to be as normal as possible. He still holds the stereotypes that an autistic person is like Rain Man (from the movie) so to him to say that to someone is a huge insult. Even when I told him why I thought I might be autistic and the reason why he told me he thought I wasn’t.
I know everyone goes through things at their own pace. I see him struggling and want to help him have that relief I felt but I think for him it would be an experience of distress instead. Also we are in different places because I am several years older and have learned to mask so I very much pass for NT whereas he doesn’t quite as much. I’m not really asking for advice so much as perspective or just wanting to talk to people who can understand. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
|
aspergers
|
So I've had bad anxiety my whole life, and I think I've had at least some level of depression for a while, but the anxiety took over most of the time so it wasn't as much of a problem.
Recently I've been getting treatment for my anxiety with therapy and meds, which has helped a little bit, but now that I'm not as focused on my anxiety all the time I feel like I've been noticing a lot more depression symptoms than normal. Granted, I'm kind of new to this so I'm sorry if what I'm saying is ignorant or not exactly right. But basically I've just been having A LOT more days where I cant get myself to do *anything*. Like normally I would feel bad, physically, cause of my anxiety so I couldn't do much anyway. But now, even when I feel ok and not as anxious, I will literally lay on the couch all day and not have the energy or motivation to get up and do anything. To the point where it makes me start to feel anxious anyway, cause I know theres things I have to do and my health anxiety tells me that laying around all day is really bad for my health. But still I just cant get myself to get up. I literally will sit there sometimes saying to myself like "get up get up get up get up" but I just can't muster the motivation or energy to do it besides to like, get food or go to the bathroom. It's really been taking a toll on me lately and I'm not sure what to do.
Do other people have experience with this? How do I get myself to get up and do what I need to do without having to convince myself for hours at a time?
|
depression
|
Hello everyone, I’m a male in my 20s and I have been experiencing this without any explanation. I’ve had a full blood workup, seen several doctors but I experience the following:
I don’t feel alive, everything feels dull and strange and I feel like a walking zombie. I never feel alert and I always feel very lethargic. Emotions are numbed and there is constant tingling all over my body
I also don’t feel mentally stable, there is this very annoying feeling in my head, I feel like something is eating my brain, I honesty don’t know how to describe it. I just feel very agitated, annoyed and restless. This is made worse when somebody else is present, for example a family member. I end up annoying them, yelling, making noise, move around, and just be very unpleasant in an attempt to get rid of the feeling in my head. This feeling is made much worse when I’m sleep deprived.
|
ADHD
|
If you have ever been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), researchers at McMaster University would like to learn how you have coped with the COVID-19 pandemic. Click link below to participate in a McMaster University research study survey.
https://macanxiety.mcmaster.ca/surveys/?s=7WMAPD7C4F
|
OCD
|
I love having things in piles, i see everhthing that's there and its easy to grab, however this is unpleasant to my family so i tried out boxes, some even clear containers. My mum thinks it looks silly and awful but when i put stuff in drawers they're not in arms reach+i cant see them so i either forget about them or avoid using them.
My dad even specifically ordered a ton of drawers/dressers for me so i can put my stuff away, when i did I ended up not doing anything art related for months and also missed some meds.
So, what other solutions are there? I obviously need to overcome it as I dont think my uni dorm mates would be too happy living in my box fort and my parents constantly keep the idea of "no one will want to marry a messy, lazy woman" over my head.
|
ADHD
|
Honestly, meds are the weirdest thing ever. I'm currently 35 and just started on meds again in February after an 11 year break. Before that, when I was around 17-19 I went through a whole bunch of different medications. Off the top of my head, Prozac, Paxil, zoloft, and ended on 20 mg of celexa with 10 mg of buspar. I really do not remember what if any of the effects that those drugs had on me or why I switched so much. Last February I was a complete wreck, so after starting therapy again and under her recommendation I got back on meds. At first I started with the buspar and Celexa. I had an almost immediate relief from the intrusive thoughts and extreme perseveration. However, there were sexual side effects and fatigue (I'm already a person who struggles with exhaustion, when I'm free of meds, but that's a whole other story) so again, the Dr had me try a wide variety of drugs, all at low doses while maintaining the buspar (now on 5 mg 3x per day) I've been on Celexa, viibryd (super briefly because insurance refused to cover it... So this is the only one I'm not entirely sure how I responded... I think I was on it for less than a week), wellbutrin, lexapro, and effexor which I am on now. All of them have the sexual side effect and fatigue (lexapro was EXTREME fatigue.... Like I would lay in bed all day on the weekend knitting and listening to podcasts) except for wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is the only one that actually made me feel happ and had no sexual downsides, but it gave me heart palpitations when I run (which also helps my mental health) and made sleep difficult. Effexor has the sexual side effects, slightly less fatigued than the others, but it screws with my digestion. I end up constipated, peeing is difficult sometimes, and I throw up when I run at a super high frequency now, even when I'm jogging moderately. But here is the weird part. Literally all of the medicines I have tried since February have dramatically improved my perseveration. Before effexor, I asked my psychiatrist if anyone is ever just on buspar, because that is the only common denominator. He said well sometimes, but wanted to give the effexor a shot. Maybe buspar does need something else to work with it? But I'd like to be the least medicated that I can be and have the least side effects.
Or maybe it's all in my head. Like how could every medication help with perseveration when they are all different? That seems illogical. I haven't heard of anyone who has relief no matter what. And I tried to ask my Dr what actually works for OCD and he says basically it's hit or miss which also is completely illogical. If we have something similar happening I our brains, it would stand to reason that we need a similar correction.
Anyway, I was hoping to get some insight into what has worked for others with OCD?
|
OCD
|
I met a woman at work. It started when I saw her having a hard time with something emotionally. I talked to her and we ended up talking for a while that evening. We became really good friends and would hang out on breaks and even went out on a friendly afternoon date to throw axes and grab a bite. So some lousy POS that wanted to just use her for a piece of tail, but she wouldn't give him the chance, got jealous and then his wife saw he had been trying to call and text her. It hit the fan and my friends boyfriend was contacted by the angry bitch and she said that his girl was sleeping with me. That's completely false. Us two became very very good friends and helped each other with a lot of problems and just hanging out with her made me feel so happy and it was the same for her. Now she is leaving for a new job and we haven't talked for 3 or 4 days. I'm so sad and upset. I lost my best little buddy to an ignorant no good waste of air and his stupid wife. I'm so sad and depressed again.
|
depression
|
Every day I wake up feeling that something is ending. I'm not sure what. Every day feels meshed together, sleep is barely a separation between them, because it feels like I barely blinked. Yesterday, I was sad. It's a kind of sadness that can't really be explained, but it felt rooted in me. Its roots were expanding and growing in my chest. Soon, the roots will become the bronchi in my lungs. Even if I fight against myself every day to get up and do *something*, something deep in me knows this is futile, and it's not letting me do anything.
I've forgotten most things that have happened in the past few months, and it's gotten to a point where I'm wondering if they even happened. I went to university and went to my part-time job and made one friend, and then I almost failed my courses and lost that friend and I hate my job. I've had depression for years, it's not something new, yet it feels just as big every day.
I've taken many antidepressants since 2019, none of them have worked. I'm on another one now, bupropion, I thought it was helping but I'm just as bad again, maybe even worse. Now, it feels like there's someone inside of me that isn't me, and they control all of my thoughts and actions. I'm scared that someone is going to kill me someday, and I won't be able to stop it. The other day, I walked up to the roof and stood at the edge, and seconds later it's like I woke up and backed away. I couldn't remember doing that, I couldn't remember making the decision to go up there, and if I didn't do it I don't know who did.
My dad died in March, and even though my depression was really bad before, it became something different after that, something more destructive. I'm alone in a new city, my only friend isn't talking to me, the only feeling I have inside of me is pure hate, and it feels like time is a loop. "There are no beginnings. Days are tacked on to days without rhyme or reason, an interminable, monotonous addition." It's really that, isn't it? I've re-read Nausea about three times, and I think it's probably the last book I'll read before I die.
Because that's what I feel will happen, soon. I'm spending money (that I don't have) irresponsibly, I'm not studying, I'm not eating, and my room is a mess. That someone inside of me is probably planning something, and I just don't know it yet. The thing is, I do want to die, I do want to cut the loop and finally find freedom, but I'm not capable enough to do something that will guarantee it, so maybe that someone will take care of it for me, I don't know.
So I feel like this is the end, even though a part of me thinks it's not. I've. been hoping that something or someone is going to come into my life and I'll finally stop being depressed after years, I keep thinking that my dad is going to suddenly appear and it will turn out that he's not actually dead and things will be okay, but I also know that even if the thing that I most want in the world happened, it wouldn't change a thing.
I kept thinking that I haven't written a letter. And when I die it'll be like a sentence that wasn't finished, but I also don't think I would be able to write down everything that I want to in a single letter. It's not possible for me to put my thoughts into words, so I'm just not going to try. I don't know, I keep texting my dad thinking he will answer, and when he doesn't I feel nauseous again and again. I want someone to take away my brain and give me a new one, just so this can stop, but I also know that depression is too familiar to me and I won't want to let it go.
|
depression
|
I've tried the generic psychiatric drugs and they haven't worked at all. will I really spend the rest of my life in this state of being? could a mood stabilizer, in particular, save me?
or is life just kind of like this forever?
today I considered hanging myself several times, I cried several times, I had my father drive me to A&E to ask for some support there, only to change my mind at the last moment.
my situation is outwardly comfy but really quite dire in terms of what the future (5+ years) will hold for me
|
depression
|
Hey everyone,
Like many others I have been struggling... But there is a website I found that seems like it has some potential... You can share art, music, stories, and recommend improvements. I'm interested to see where it goes and waiting to see new art submissions. Idk, it kinda just helped me get through the day to know that I am not alone, and I think that is the concept behind this page.
Check it out if you're interested. [Morbid Existence](https://www.morbidexistence.com/)
|
depression
|
I am *not* an artsy person and I don’t really have a designer eye, but I am pretty proud of my newly-made, extremely low budget kanban board.
I don’t have the space for any kind of whiteboard and not the money either, so I decided to make do and use what I had.
I made all of the elements in PowerPoint. I’m not much of a designer as I said but there’s tons of inspiration around to “borrow” from ;) and it doesn’t matter if it looks amateurish anyway ?
I then used my $20 laminator and after that spending what felt like an eternity (and probably was like 30 minutes) cutting everything up.
The whole thing is on my bedroom door. I just used blu tack to put them up, and the two green lines are just washi tape.
Now let’s discuss if this was just another way for me to procrastinate rather than being the essential tool it should be? 😬😅🧐😏
https://imgur.com/a/H4Tsbvj
|
ADHD
|
I’ve come to the realization that no matter how hard I try to be okay, I will never get there. I’m a coward to even attempt to end my life now. I’m waiting for nature to take its course with me. For now, I’ll just rot in peace.
|
depression
|
I don’t want to keep going. I'm in pain. I want to stab myself till I die. I feel to much and nothing at the same time. I’m empty. I have nobody. I don’t want to be here here anymore. I feel bad. I wish I wasn’t borne in the first place. I can’t. I’m suffering non stop, I’m an fixable I was born damaged and I’ll stay like this. I want to slit my throat till I can’t breathe physically cause mentally I haven’t been for a long time. Nobody understand me and either do I myself. I want someone to help me, but I can’t explain what I’m feeling. Maybe I don’t have a problem and I just looking for excuses to not go on. Maybe I’m not damaged and I’m just trying to be. Maybe everything is fine with me and this is why the pills don’t help. I don’t have anything. I just need a moment of silence and my head full of thoughts. I have no idea what I'm thinking, I can’t hear anything.
|
depression
|
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