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So many people on this sub keep saying “I wanted to be more authentic to my true self so I stopped masking”. What do you mean? Did you stop trying to contribute on topic comments to a conversation and just start saying random things whenever you felt like it? Did you try to ignore the tone of conversations and try to say something really personal in lighthearted conversations. Did you “stim” randomly and weird everyone out?
“Masking” is a dumb concept, it’s just another name for “reading social cues.” Non autistic people do it all the time. It’s not inauthentic to not put every single aspect of your personality on display at every single moment of every single day.
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aspergers
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Occasionally there are situations where an NT makes some mistake, like trying to zip behind me when I'm pulling out of a parking space, hitting me with their car (at a low speed) when I'm on my bike because they didn't look before turning, etc. and they immediately become defensive, anticipating anger I usually don't even feel.
When I do feel angry, I restrain myself verbally. But although I'm good at regulating my choice of words so as to remain polite, I'm bad at concealing irritation in my tone. So even when I carefully, intentionally restrain myself, they can still tell what I'm feeling and unreasonably want me to not only speak politely to them, but feel the way they think I ought to feel. I might even agree with them that it's unreasonable of me to be angry in that situation, sometimes that's why I make the effort to remain polite, but they always see through it.
I simply don't want to exacerbate the situation. I understand accidents happen, and I understand aggression almost never improves the outcome of an interaction. I want to avoid bad outcomes by exercising personal discipline in how I communicate, but they can tell what I'm feeling regardless, and even when I genuinely don't feel anything in particular, they assume I do.
I have tried saying "Do not worry, I feel nothing" but this only seems to confuse them. I would like some sort of natural sounding shorthand which quickly, reliably communicates that although I have reason to feel anger, I have chosen not to.
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aspergers
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My boyfriend is extremely high functioning and varies in terms of the “symptoms” he sometimes exhibits. Overall, I don’t see his aspergers as a problem. After finding out, I’ve tried my best to understand that people with aspergers processes emotions differently and have a hard time doing so. In turn, I can also see why emotions (and too much of them) can overwhelm my boyfriend more than usual and cause him to shut down or become avoidant. I see the quirks and the frustrations begin to form.
What I’m having trouble with is his overgeneralization of any problem— it doesn’t matter if it’s small.. he will throw it into a large scale of just “bad”. On top of that, he finds it difficult and doesn’t want to put in work to communicate or resolve issues. Before anyone tells me to give up or “you deserve someone who is willing to work with you”, I want to put it out there that I want to better understand how I can work with his emotions (or lack of ability to empathize in the same way or at all?).
Usually, our fights (even small ones) will cause him to easily stress out and then if I dwell too long in it and make him feel pushed to resolve, he will overreact and say he “can’t do it anymore!”. If it’s really bad, he’ll blurt “I’m better off alone”. After giving him some space, he always comes around. He doesn’t say sorry but he’ll say he just needed some space.
Despite this, I still hurt each time. I take words very seriously but i also know fighting words exist.
Is this behavior common? What can I do better?
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aspergers
|
Hi! I have PTSD as a result of being improperly sedated during a gallbladder removal. I watched/felt the whole thing. I could go in to more horrific details, but suffice it to say that it was torture incarnate. There is nothing that a normal person will experience that comes close to watching your organ be removed and being able to feel everything while being forced to sit completely still due to paralytic drugs.
So my nightmares.
Everyone assumes that my nightmares must involve the hospital or organ removal or something, and while about 1%-3% of my dreams do focus on medical experiments I never “re-live” the trauma exactly.
I have nightmares -every night-. For a long time I had insomnia because I was afraid to go to sleep. I still am to be honest but I have been dealing with it for so long that it’s kind of a “well, you have to sleep dude” kind of situation.
The most common theme in my dreams is my wife for sure. She’s dying or missing or dead or cheating on me or abusing me. The dreams are so real that I will commonly wake up not knowing how she and I stand. There was even a time where I had memory of her cheating on me and I was packing her shit when she woke up... they are VIVID son.
Sometimes I will have dreams about natural disasters. Like recently I dreamed about this blizzard for over a week straight. It had broken all infrastructure. There was this asshole in a helicopter that we had to almost constantly deal with. A lot of evacuation. A lot of dead and dying people. And COLD HOLY FUCK IT WAS SO FUCKING COLD.
Often times I will dream about being tortured or killed. Dying in horrific ways.
There’s a dream that I used to have often but I don’t anymore:
I open my eyes to find that I am in a dark room surrounded on all sides by people with solid white faces. See, I remember that I’m dreaming at this moment and know that the SECOND I move or blink or think that they are going to rush my and tear me apart... it has happened before and it will happen again. So I will stand there frozen for what seems like hours and hours and hours until something slips and I blink or flinch and boom they’re on me grabbing and pulling. They usually get my arms off first and then I can’t really defend myself and they start taking handfuls of flesh and hair. I have had my lips and face ripped off more times than I care to try and count. They eventually go for my eyes and then there’s a little bit more where I can feel my core being crushed and ripped open... then I’m in a void where all thought is met with pain and force. I am here for days... for a lifetime??
Eventually... my stomach always wakes me up. Sometimes I hate it because it hurts so much... but other times when I can really remember the horror I was just experiencing I am thankful that something managed to wake me up.
What’s awful? Is that I don’t need more than 5 minutes to have a nightmare that I can describe in great detail.
Last night I closed my eyes and for some damn reason stitch was watching me try to put some plumbing back together and the only tool I was allowed to use was scotch tape and every time the pipe would fall i would be harmed.
Lol...
The only medication that makes this stop is Valium right before I go to sleep... but you know? They won’t give it to me. Why? Because they don’t want me on it for the rest of my life. How stupid.
I feel sorry for my wife. There have been countless times where I have had to wake her up just to ask her if something was real.
I had to wake her up and ask her if my mother was actually dead. She wasn’t.
There have been times where I have woke up with memory of my wife dying or leaving me.. and she will have gotten up out of bed to go to the bathroom or is already awake or something and I have sat in bed and sobbed... only for my wife to be in the other room not only safe.. but waiting to love me...
I have experienced extreme natural disasters like the tectonic plates exploding up from the ground..
I have experienced at least 3 full alien invasions and brother they aren’t pretty.
There was one.. and we had advanced space faring military too... and they just showed the fuck up... and they were able to QUICKLY infect and control our defenses... I can still remember our flag ship going to confront their lead vessel only for our ship to be taken over mid flight... turn around.. and destroy the rest of the ships that were present....
Then the abductions began... they had these ships that looked like silver spiked potatoes and between the spiked shot lightning ((a lot of their technology seemed to use this sort of visible energy source)) and this “lightning” would be striking the ground... but each strike is another person snatched... I was running as hard as I could and then I was frozen in space and my body moved to a more straight up and down position and I could feel my mouth and nose and ears being filled with this kind of gel and I remember it choking me and it made me very very angry and I started to thrash and bite and eventually broke free of this chamber I was in and threw up SO MUCH of the shit that I felt invading my body.. and then I tried to... you know... escape. The beings on the ship realized I had broken free and nonchalantly transported me back to the surface... and I look down at my hands and see that they are covered in blood... and just before I take the breath to scream I find myself clutching my stomach in my bed.
*sigh* time to go sit on the toilet for an hour or two
()That’s where I am now))
Last night I had one of my “forgot something” dreams mixed with a “driving” dream.
See, I have these forgot something dreams where my wife and I have moved from a place but have forgotten many items. So we go back and get some... and then realize we have forgotten something else... and go back.. and then realize that when we got that we also left something else... and the go back... and then oops we forgot our cats! And go back... each time you go back it’s more dangerous and less pleasant. The landlords are usually trying to thwart us sometimes it’s in a high crime area and there are dangers.... and sometimes the house is absurd... like full of water and it’s my fault.
Zombie dreams... traveling but lost dreams... trapped in the hotel... being experimented on... graphic and unsettling sexual dreams... torture ones.. there are ones where there is a contagion and everyone is sick and dying...
Oh.. and there are the dreams where I kill someone.
I don’t feel like making this even longer... but there is a dream I had where I killed these three people because they had raped and tortured and murdered one of my classmates... and I cannot be any more serious when I say “It -feels- like I have killed people”.... I can remember the looks on their faces as they realized what I was about to do.. the sudden change from “invincible” to “victim”... the futile pleas... you can’t understand the REAL hatred I have for these three... and they aren’t even real... they never existed in the first place... but try to tell me that when I’m sitting here gritting my teeth thinking about how much I wish they were alive so I could kill them again.
AND IT WAS A FUCKING DREAM
I often wonder if others are affected by their dreams like I am... if so then I’m sorry.
On a lighter note, I am actually a really happyish dude! I have a lot to be happy about and I do my best to appreciate it. I am married and I love my wife very much. As soon as she finishes this year of school i will finish my degrees and then spend the rest of my life helping people deal with their problems lol
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ptsd
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Normal, as in; it wouldn't look weird to others, and odd as in how I have never heard of anyone else who struggles with the same thing.
I drink diet soda. About I average between 1,5-2 L a day. It makes me feel nauseous and bloated. I feel unable to do anything if I don't have a cup of it first. It is my automatic response to anything somewhat stressful.
Bet the caffeine is great for my anxiety 🙃🙃🙃 why is my ocd trying so hard to be quirky.
Anyways. Thats the post. There isn't really a purpose to it. Have a great day <3
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OCD
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My c-ptsd feels like it has been off the rails again...it all comes down to how triggering the social isolation due to the pandemic has been for me. For months. Very emotionally painful months.
I feel like I've psychologically regressed from past progress I had made...and I am having a bad existential crisis. I am a woman in her 30s, and I feel like I am in my teens again. I was a deeply miserable and isolated teenager. I had really bad distorted thought patterns from my untreated depression and anxiety. I was in and out of school. I was in and out of therapy...questionable therapy at the time.
Passive suicidal thoughts, learned helplessness, hopelessness, rumination, anhedonia...i also have been having so much anger. So much frustration and irritation over small things...the anger is new to me. I'm not use to this much anger all the time. Then I withdrawn and shut down and become numb again...and sometimes that is okay, but ultimately...I hate it. I HATE this! I'm sick and TIRED of not remembering how it felt to be a sliver of happiness! Laughter! Light hearted conversation with friends while sitting close to them, hugging them! Kissing, holding, caressing, sex, etc...all of it! All of it...
I am screaming inside. I question if and when I might have an emotional breakdown of some kind...something that I would almost welcome...but something that I also know would ultimately not change anything at this moment...the pandemic isolation.
I miss my friends but we can't actually see eachother yet because of immunology problems. Its a risk. I am angry about the previous, painfully incompetent American Presidential Administration...but i really don't want to get into that sort of thing here. I'm sorry.
Do others also suffer from stuff I've been dealing with? Not just depression and anxiety, but I also wonder about psychological regression and distorted thinking, constant but passive suicidal thoughts...etc, etc, etc. Anyone else around here with any of those things?
Any support or light-hearted commiseration might be nice, if any. I may or may not feel the energy or motivation to reply back if anyone decides to respond.
Anyway...I've pasted here and other places before. This feels like just another post of my venting. Thank you.
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ptsd
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I’m not looking forward to anything. I don’t enjoy my hobbies anymore. I have completely lost interest in dating and hanging out with friends. I feel like my dog is suffering because sometimes I would rather she pee on a pee pad than make any effort to go outside. I’m not productive at work. I’m going to visit my family for Christmas and dreading it. I don’t hate my family or anything. It’s just a lot of effort. My birthday is next month and I don’t want to do anything. I’m kind of hoping that people forget it so I don’t have to feel bad for not inviting anyone to do anything. I’ve been in therapy for 10 years. Things just feel pointless.
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depression
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I have contamination OCD and my main ritual is washing hands which is pretty basic... except I’m allergic to most soaps until I finally got a brand of soap I could use without having a terrible rash.... and then Covid happened and the soap was sold out for a few months my hands still haven’t completely recovered and I hate it (sorry for bad punctuation I’m lazy)
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OCD
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During online learning I had a lot more free time, generally felt a lot more relaxed because I was in the comfort of my own home. Now I have to deal with the long commutes to and back from school, having to mask in front of others is also just so mentally draining.
I don’t have friends either so during lunch I just have to sit in the library doing work, at least when I was at home I could actually use my free time in between lessons to focus on my special interests.
All of this combined made me feel incredibly sick and fatigued, there’s no time do anything it’s just school and sleep now :( I’ve only just woke up and it’s currently 2am so a ruined sleep schedule is just another problem I’ll have to deal with.
I just feel like school isn’t for me and I don’t see how I’d be able to work if just being outside with other people makes me react like this, just makes me feel as if I’d be better off ending it all before it gets to that point.
(Sorry if this didn’t make sense but I still feel ill so I can barely put my thoughts together)
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aspergers
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Honestly, some of the people that leave terrible comments/replies to people who own up to their mistakes and just want to vent/support are just so judgemental and wrong for it! It triggers me so much but I try and treat it like ERP. Imagine a sensitive person came along and ended their life because of someone commenting something horrible to them. It only takes that one comment.
It’s actually fucking horrible what people say even though the person is holding themselves accountable and trying to forgive themselves for a past mistake they’ve done. People need to be nicer, man.
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OCD
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I get my results today. I'm so nervous. I'm scared I'm going to be told I'm not on the spectrum and my life will stop making what little sense it does. Just need to get that off my chest I guess.
UPDATE:
It's verified, I have ASD. I have my answer. I'm very emotional but in a good way. I feel lighter that I have in years.
I wasn't screened for ADHD but it was recommended I do that, and also get bloodwork done since there's probably stuff going on in my body I'm unaware of.
I'm so thankful to this community. Without the support I get here - not just for myself but the support we all give each, I don't think I could be sitting here feeling positive about this diagnosis.
You're all beautiful people and I can't thank you all enough
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aspergers
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I'v been suffering from crippling depression and anxiety since my late teens, it went unchecked for well over a decade.
last year in my early 30s i started antidepressant and i'm slowly crawling out of the hole i was living in, but its really hard because looking back, my life is like a steamy crater after a meteorite strike, there is nothing left.
No job, no money, no relationships other then the couple friends i still have left from high school.
i have nothing, its like i was in a coma for the past decade.
i have so much regrets now, its dragging me down.
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depression
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Journal#2
Please.don't.read.just posting cause I'm lonely as shit and like posting to feel like im doing something. For some reason being on my phone helps my mind.
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Please go away.
Forreal
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Turn back.
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Nah stop.
Read someone else's post.
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What did I say?
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Fine, but its fucked up down here and I tried.
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Sexual trauma as a man is hard to deal with.
In sports, got sexual harassed and ended up quitting.
My last relationship witha women was awful. She claimed to be woke but, ended up cheating on me because my sick was small.
Tbf, objectively its not small based on the size charts and all that bullshit its average or above average but I still feel small. I tried having sex with someone and it was awful I felt so uncomfortable.
On top of that I had to do everything the other person just kind of laid their til it was over.
I felt super gross and inadequate. I'm not necessarily small but I guess I'm like 2 inches above the average but that's only bone pressed I probably only have a few inches of usable length. The reason this has been such a big focus for me is the guy she cheated with was bigger. My truth is im roughly 6.5 inches nbp(7inch if you care about bp) usable length and 5.5 girth. Maybe I have only sqted size queens but I was so inadequate. Its insecurity and its not tied to my depression but it affects my interpersonal relationships
I never knew what cuckholding was and not shaming anyone but she practically tried to make me a cuck. When I got upset about the whole thing she threatened to send him(guy she was cheating with and his friends who were fucking her) to beat me up. It was all really weird while telling me she loved me.
She violated my boundaries during sex and everything. The worst thing about it was I would literally have sex with her for hours. I would not get off and have to just jack off in the corner. the bjs wre toothy and shitty. (After we broke up and gave more guys stuff she was better I felt gross knowing how many people she's slept with)
Worst part is my dumbass after everything tried to work it out. She then told me I wasn't a man(I have smaller balls due to trauma to my testicles at a young age). Tried to fuck me in the ass cause I didn't have a man's dick.
Its embarrassing and shitty but I literally have no one to talk about this with like no one not friends not family saying anon shit that no one will read is the only thing that gives me comfort while I procrastinate on studying.
I hate myself. I wish I hadn't lived to this point.
I literally almost broke down the last time I had sex thinking about how gross i felt. So fucking worthless. I don't want to be a cuck but I realize I can't be with anyone and it sucks so much. The sweet nothings that people tell you like its the motion of the ocean and shit don't matter if the girls need a big wave.
I don't hate women either its not their fault its my fault for being a pathetic worthless small dicked loser. Im a spineless worthless coward. I may never be a man.
Fucked up my leg jumping onto a box today infront of a bunch of people at the gym. It was sok embarrassing. Its hard because I'm so ugly most girls don't like me. Also, my ex is right I'm a dad bodded, smalldicked, worthless, skinny legged, stupid, ugly, pathetic dumb fuck. I don't have self esteem because I don't deserve any.
I am trying to find some self worth. But until I make 500k a year for a few years im never going to be anything. I hate that I spent time with her.
I have a therapist but he's terrible for trauma. All my trauma in life sucjs. R happened in my early years. Molested by bullies in middle school. Groped in highschool. Now I'm violated by my partner in college and its because I'm not a man even though she told me im a crazy person and she hopes all her sleeping around doesn't make me kill myself. She was hoping I died. Its gross. Same with my therapist.
The new girl is an fwb but its roughly the same. Shes nice but is always being so awkward. Idk man.
Being a guy is tough too. Women think its all fun and games. No it sucks over here. Guys are way more lonely. No one cares about us and the world is cold as fuck.
I'm such a failure. Been working out 8 years and have gotten so weak and fat. I have a semester left of college and my grades may make it so I never go anywhere else idk. I'm tried. I just neede a place to vent I know the internet is bad but I just want to right it and send it to the abyss. Hell I'm probably going to blocked or some shit I hate that but it happens. This is loneliness and the internet age we have to post it. It only feels real when others see it we no longer feel real to ourselves.
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depression
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So I live in Rio so it’s very hot in here. My house is very clean I have Contamination OCD what makes me clean everything and today I woke up and saw it in my living room I tried to make it go away( opened the door and attracted it outside) but she ran to my cabinet. I opened it tried to find it for 3 hours and couldn’t. I don’t know if killed it and couldn’t find the body because it was full of dust. I am just freaking out I left my cats there to see if they can find it but I am so tired and scared it’s coming to my room
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OCD
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My parents and brother were in a car accident a month ago, my parents didn't make it and my brother is still on life support. I wasn't there, I barely saw my dad and my mom wasn't responsive when I saw her. My half brother was there with me the whole way and he's doing ok but I have PTSD. I have night terrors and nightmares. I have a panic attack almost every time I get into a car or go near the road it happened on (it's slowly getting better) It was obviously traumatic but I wasn't there. I don't have a reason to have PTSD. I know I'm not faking but sometimes it feels like I'm overreacting.
Does anyone else feel like they're overreacting or is it a me problem?
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ptsd
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I can't stand living with ASD, ADHD, anxiety and depression, the fact that I'm slower than everyone else is eating away at my soul and I don't know how much more I can take, I've reached my breaking point. Why should we keep going? What's the point? All I want is to be on par with everyone around me, but I never will, is there a good reason to continue?
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aspergers
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I’ve had obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend for about 6 months now. They’re all like “you think he’s ugly” “you don’t actually love him” “you’re not sexually attracted to him” and they literally convince me of these things... like every tine i compliment my boyfriend my brain says “you didn’t actually mean that” “you really think he’s ugly” and these thoughts have riddled me with so much anxiety that i HAVE to tell him these thoughts and if he doesn’t immediately reassure me and tell me that i don’t actually think that i literally want to kill myself and i pick apart my brain until i fall asleep from the exhaustion of all of that emotional turmoil. It’s so hard, two days ago i got sick and threw up and had a panic attack because i thought i had lost sexual attraction to my boyfriend.... help!!!!!!
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OCD
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im struggling with pocd at the moment and i just cant stop ruminating over these thoughts. They have been very tough lately its so bad to the point where i feel suicidal about them any advice on how to deal with them?
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OCD
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Has anyone experienced the onset of a depressive episode starting and it suddenly go away after a few days? Throughout the last couple weeks I’ve been trending down, and yesterday I started feeling completely normal again. I had my meds adjusted and been working with light therapy as precautions but they shouldn’t be making a difference yet.
Has anyone else experienced this?
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depression
|
Just found this sub and I see this being helpful in my journey based on being able to see how everybody is different and how different treatments have different effects on people.
So first, I, 34,M, finally decided to get my butt in gear and figure out what's going on in my brain. Im supposed to be moving into more of a management role at work and I also have a few items in my personal life that I really want and have realized that I am holding myself back. I always knew I had some form of ADHD (not hyper, just cant focus) so I decided to get confirmation and see what I could do about it.
During the appointment due to masks and stuff I didnt quite catch everything the Dr said but I am pretty sure he said inattentive type ADHD and that pretty much fits me to a T when I run through the lists online if I were to self-diagnose. (in my benefit I let the Dr tell me before I researched so I wouldn't be biased in my own research.) In a nutshell its the inability to focus on what I need to do, easily sidetracked, pick up my phone to put something in my calendar but find myself 30 minutes later doing something on my phone completely forgetting what I was supposed to put in my calendar, go out to a jobsite forgetting to bring the tools or product I need to install, if I am given details on a task for a project those details are quickly forgotten if not written down, If I interview 2 people back to back to hire and I am asked about the first one I have no idea if they were a good fit or not, etc.... So he prescribed strattera for me and started on a low dose and advised me of the side effects.
I kept a log. 2 weeks 18mg, next 2 36mg then appointment to see progress. Days 1-4 was definitely quite interesting for the side effects. chills/feeling cold, sensory issues (my perception of reality was altered), etc.... Day 4 was the single most productive day that Ive ever had in memory. Full recollection of my work day so i could fill out my work order, remembering phone numbers I dialed once and in what order, names of people I interacted with, etc....
But that was it. After day 4 there was no more of me being able to focus. The other side effects also wore off pretty quick. Day 14 for doubling the dose had no effect. I met with the Dr and because of the 1 day I had where I was able to experience "oh this is how normal people think and operate" he decided to put me on the max dose per my body weight of strattera and to come back in a month.
Since I still had a few 18mg pills left and he prescribed me 40mg pills I slightly modified the ramp which brought me up to the 80mg he wanted me on about a week early, so I have been on 80mg since 11/26 so almost 3 weeks. (this was discussed and the ramp / taper on paper is because its required for whatever reason.)
So after a few weeks of 80mg and looking through my daily log of "no change from before" and not being able to focus at work and home. The only item was the day after a missed dose I felt a little weird but nothing bad.
For my appointment there was a slight hiccup. The problem is that my Dr was out so my appointment was actually with an APRN from the same office, not one of the other psychiatrists, so she wasnt prepared and had to go study my file with what I said.
She questioned why I was on Strattera for inattentive ADHD and I explained (he wanted to exhaust non-controlled first and knew that this probably wouldnt be the correct medication for my end-game) so she decided to change me to Wellbutrin 100mg slow release making sure I get another appointment in a month and really talk to the Dr. (full disclosure, I dont care for the Dr, I feel like I am in and out and dont get time to actually talk to him. He didnt want to see my log and just the super short clif notes version.)
So now I am in a spot where I see a lot of issues as the medications are similar but different, so definitely dont take them at the same time, but I am wondering if the 2 months ive been on Strattera (3 weeks for 80mg) has been enough time to determine that its not the correct medication for me. I have a history of becoming tolerant to different medications so I think I am completely fine by writing this off and moving on but I am reading a lot of other people's stories and talking with a lot of peers who have different treatments for either ADHD, depression, bipolar, etc... and any changes they all have on their medications is very long and subtle changes, like 3 months of seeing if a dosage adjustment is right before the next step.
Given the situation of not having any effect/side effect past the first week and the issue of some other person in the mix making medication choices (I dont want to undermine my Dr) what is everybody's thoughts? Personally I think my ability to focus is a little worse but it could just be my lack of desire to do my paperwork or clean the house. Personally I dont even know how I am still employed with how my performance at work is.
Sorry for being so long winded, I figure that more details would be better.
Unimportant details for medication resistance: This may or may not be true but it certainly feels like it. OTC stuff for pain never does anything for me unless its debilitating. Once had a car accident and was prescribed tramadol but the first few days I just dealt with the pain. At one point it was too much so I took one (first time in my life) and it was great... no pain at all and was like holy shit. The next day no pill and dealt with pain, the following I had to take 1 though. It literally had half the effect. The next day I had to take one and it felt like I popped a Tylenol so I stopped taking those. So I kept the tramadol for migraines (mine are optical, no pain) because they never did anything for pain. This is basically the same story with every medication I have tried. I dont know if this is normal or not, it sounds like a quick resistance to me which is why I feel my quick "3 weeks on 80mg" is plenty of time for me to determine that strattera isnt working for me.
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ADHD
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I am trying to figure out if i have ptsd or if it is just really bad anxiety.. what's the difference?
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ptsd
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-vent/ my day
Today was hard. I sat in my classes and did absolutely nothing. Just zoned out and thought about stuff. At this point it feels like I should do something crazy just to prove that I need help. Also, it was hard to talk? Like I was just so low and tired that I couldn't get the words out.
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depression
|
Pretty curious if there's any similarities that the subreddit has about alcohol consumption. In my experience, it is literally liquid confidence, sending very long-due messages to friends that I was meaning to send years ago. In the moment, it feels like I'm myself without the inhibitions of whatever was holding me back in a sober moment. To help with context, finding medication and therapy is extremely difficult in my country.
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ADHD
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So I recently found out that my boyfriend of 1 year has ADHD.
I was completely taken by surprise; when I asked him why he didn't mention it before he shrugged it off and said he just never really thought about it.
And honestly, after doing some research online it explains so much.
I've been feeling down for a while because I've sometimes felt ignored and unappreciated by him; which is apparently is commonly felt by those in relationships with someone with ADHD.
I also kept having to ask him to do something that I couldn't do (medical) and he kept forgetting to do it.
I did keep reminding him for a while but in the end I gave up because I hated feeling like I was nagging him.
It made me feel like he didn't care about me.
He's also super impulsive and doesn't think about what he's going to say before he says it, he's upset a lot of people before (including me) because of this.
But now I know many of these things are symptoms of his ADHD; and I want to know how I can support and understand him better.
It would also be helpful if anyone could give me some pointers in how I could take the things he says and does less personally.
I'm not sure if this will be allowed on the sub but I thought it was the best place to ask.
Any advice is very much appreciated, thank you :))
TL;DR: recently found out my bf has ADHD, explains a lot of things I had an issue with in our relationship. How can I be better at understanding him?
Edit: grammar
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ADHD
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..spanking myself?
hear me out.
I've tried ALL the productivity techniques. From the 5 minute rule, to pavlov-ing myself via sticky notes, to lots of fun combos of meds. I've improved my life sooo much in the last year!! I'm finally a decently responsible human being. But you know what finally worked?
Fucking *spanking myself*.
Not much, mind you. Just slapping my ass a bit, and waiting a few seconds for my brain to readjust it's skewed perception of how painful "starting a responsible task", actually is. After a moment, it goes from "oh my god fuck that i dont even wanna think about where the hell I have to sign in to, to download the damn documents" to "oh wait im being silly, stopping scrolling thru social media and logging into my laptop actually aint painful almost at all!"
I have disciplined practice of sticky notes to identify my "#1 most responsible thing to be doing right now". I have meds to make me awake and focused. And I have slapping my ass to get myself to easily get over the "activation energy" of doing a task. Cuz once I start on whatever responsible task i need to be doing, I actually really enjoy it and its easy.
BUT I CANT KEEP SLAPPING MY OWN ASS EVERY 30 MINS OR SO WHEN I WALK AROUND MY HOUSE. I HAVE CHILDREN!!! and once in a while I have to go into the office to reboot our server rack or whatever (lol they are anti-AWS) and god forbid one of my coworkers sees me spanking myself while typing crap into the
*so heres my question:*
*Without going into the territory of self-harm, what's a good way to easily induce a very brief moment of negativity? *
- something like "do 10 push-ups" doesnt work because its not done *easily*. its hard to start, its not effortless like slapping my ass, is.
- nothing like cutting, oh my god. no pinpricks, or pinching, even. thats just a big 'no'.
- nothing with lasting damage.
it looks SO STUPID. but it works. i can't walk around the house and spank myself every 30 mins to get myself to take out the trash or find where the hell last year's W2s are or whatever random functions I need to do throughout the day. help
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ADHD
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Had a really stressful day, OCD got bad for the past few months. Getting much better now after therapy. But after remembering I do remember how I could easily co-exist peacefully with my OCD. Now it's pretty hard.
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OCD
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I have an initial, short interview tomorrow afternoon for a sciency position, it is not a technical interview but it is with the Managing Director as it is a smallish company here in the UK.
What is everyone's position on disclosing ADHD and when to do it?
By law here in the UK, ADHD is a disability and they can't legally take it into account (doesn't mean that people won't do it, either consciously or subconsciously). I intend to tell them eventually, but I am still working out when to do it.
I feel like mentioning it after "signing the dotted line" would just put a bad taste in the companies mouth, but telling them to early may taint their view of me.
What is everyone else's experience/thoughts on this?
This is my first proper interview post-diagnosis and medication, hence the uncertainty.
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ADHD
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i have spent about two years trying to find a psychiatrist who would give me an appointment. i finally got an appointment which i had today. i explained to her how i have struggled throughout my life. i explained to her all the criteria for sensory issues and issues i had with other children. the psychiatrist asked me if ive ever heard of autism spectrum disorder and then explained to me that i meet the criteria for that diagnosis but unfortunately i can not be diagnosed with it as i am 20 years old. i asked if her if i would be considered on the spectrum and she said “yes, you have traits but i can not give you an official diagnosis” and gave me a generalized anxiety diagnosis instead. she said if i needed an actual autism diagnosis i would need to go to a neorutherapist which would cost me thousands of dollars that i can not afford now. i find it incredibly invalidating to wait so long and to feel pigeonholed in my diagnosis. has anyone else experienced anything like this??
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aspergers
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Literally I'll just be talking to someone and all of a sudden I'll have the urge to just make a face to them that I halfway know is strange but it's just so addictive to do and I'll make an over the top facial expression. Like a super mad face or even a super surprised face. I also do this sometimes when I don't hear or understand what someone means I'll usually just give a slight giggle and a smile. But any other time I'm way to damn expressive, especially at school. Does anyone else experience something similar to this in there everyday life or is it just a weird me thing.
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aspergers
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So tonight I was trying to relax and do some knitting while watching TV. I dropped one of my knitting needles under the couch and that lead to moving the couch, vacuuming the whole house (since it was already out), then emptying the garbage because once the vacuum was empty the garbage was full. Since I was already taking out the garbage then I also should take out the recycling. I also did a load of laundry because I had to move the laundry on the floor to vacuum under it. As I was vacuuming I also realized it was time to change the cat litter so obviously that got done. There were a few dry leaves from my mint plant so it's obviously time to water the plants.
That is how sitting down to watch TV at 8pm turned into doing the chores for an hour. I tried to explain to my mom, who I haven't lived with in over a decade, how this happens and she still doesn't understand. On the plus side many of my weekend chores are done. Does this happen to anyone else or is it just me? On less energetic nights I don't pick up the dropped knitting needle because I know the road that leads to and I have an even bigger struggle explaining this to others.
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ADHD
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I am looking to start back medicine for ADHD. I took it for almost five years while I was in college, and honestly thought I would never need it again. It helped me significantly, my friends and teachers all saw the benefits as well. I graduated in 2020 and am now married. I am having issues with keeping up with things. I am having a major lack of motivation to do normal household tasks and things that should be "easy" to accomplish can be very hard for me. We also just moved from NC and unpacking and putting things away is mentally draining for me, and I know that my medication helps me be able to do tasks like that for a much longer amount of time without feeling burned out or like I can't go on without a break. I am constantly late for things, no matter what the importance of an event is. I have horrible time management skills. My husband and friends are nervous to ride with me driving because of my lack of focus. I also struggle with little self control with food, which has put me in an ongoing cycle of hating my body, feeling like I can't control what I eat, etc.
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ADHD
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My sleep has improved quite a bit over the past year or so since I've been doing EMDR. However, the last week, something triggered me and I can't sleep. It's so bad I'm shaking with exhaustion during the day.
My body is hypervigilant. I will lay down and start to drift off, then suddenly jerk awake. It's like I'm trying to keep myself safe from some imminent danger.
I've done everything I know to sleep: mindfulness exercises, guided meditations on YouTube, binaural beats, butterfly hugs, supplements for relaxation, and so forth. Sometimes things calm me down and I start to drift off, but as soon as I do, I wake up again.
Any suggestions? I know a lot about calming my body down but I can't seem to convince myself that I'm safe and it's okay to sleep.
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ptsd
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It's time for the holidays. Yay time to pretend to be happy so I don't bring everyone down and my family doesn't call me ungrateful. :D
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depression
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Over a month ago I began to have awful intrusive thoughts, and out of fear of mouthing them, I started to replace the intrusive thoughts with random words and mouthing them instead - the thought process behind this being that if my thoughts and mouth was occupied with other words, then I couldn’t possibly say the intrusive thoughts.
Anyways the intrusive thoughts have passed now, but I’m stuck in this horrible situation now, where I cannot stop repeatedly mouthing the replacement words. This is much less stressful of course, as I’m not scared of them. However, it is extremely annoying. I literally wake up in the morning and my mouth is moving on autopilot. It makes it less easy to eat. All in all, I just want it stop.
Of course, I have tried to just stop but as you can guess, the intrusive thoughts just come back straight away.
Please help, I desperately want this stop.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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OCD
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Tl;dr: I [30F] think my mother and partner [38M] are abusive and manipulative in the same ways. How to moved forward?
The story is very very long. Years of what I consider abuse on the part of my mother and now my partner. I am 30 and my partner is 38. We have been together four years. We just moved next door to my mother in my grandmothers house as my grandmother is now in a nursing home. The past few days have been hell. Every interaction with them is subtly or overtly insane to me.
Two nights ago, the three of us were standing in front of my grandmother’s piano. My mother was and is always agitated and stressed and stressful. She always has so much going on, more than anyone else, and her issues are more important than anyone else’s. We were standing around the piano, and I remembered how my mother had said that she wanted to try to move the piano next door to her house because she wanted to start practicing again. So I said, “So are you going to take the piano?” She then told me that she wanted to sell it back to the Conservatory.
I expressed dismay, but I was not angry, I was just emotionally sensitive because all of this stuff relating to my grandmother is sad for me, of course, which is normal. I listened as she explained this wasn’t really the important piano, the important piano is in another country and we can get it back. So even though I was sad about losing this piano, I was a bit relieved by the thought of having the other piano. However because I was sad, because I still felt attached to the piano I heard my grandmother play my whole life, I pleaded a bit saying not to sell it. All I said was “No don’t sell it,” but not in an angry way and I wasn’t crying. And she immediately snapped at me, “I’m not giving it to YOU!” And this was when I started to get upset, and I said “I’m not asking you to give it to me I was just asking you not to sell it!” I tried to explain that I had brought up the piano because I wanted her to have it (more on that layer) but she wouldn’t even let me talk before she kept saying again “I’m not giving it to YOU! You never consider me! I might need to sell it to SURVIVE!”
At that point I got really upset and started crying and when I cry I talk more loudly and emotionally and it sounds a bit like yelling and I started pleading asking what she was talking about, she can’t sell our things to live off of. She owns both houses and has very little living expenses and we have quite a bit of money to invest. Not millionaires, but there is some money and the two houses. For YEARS my mother has been terrible with money, saved absolutely nothing, and earned almost no income. Which is fine, I don’t judge people who don’t work but all this to say that if you own two beautiful houses in a desirable area on some land, you don’t sell those houses to “survive.” You rent out some rooms, you rent out a house, you have a garden and grow vegetables as much as you can to reduce food costs and when you have money to invest, you find a way. She has always had an intense scarcity mentality and even though she offered for me and my partner to live here, since the day we have moved in she has been passive aggressive and hostile in small ways and not small ways.
She then told me that she is an adult, I can’t tell her what to do with her piano, that I don’t want her to have anything, that how dare I say I “want” her to have her own piano, that it’s not my piano. I got really upset, I started crying and yelling asking why is she doing this, why is she saying all this, that you can’t talk about money this way and threaten to sell our things to survive. My partner thinks I’m insane, calls me narcissistic and borderline. I don’t know anymore. There’s so much more to the story and writing this out makes me realize that this story doesn’t really mean anything. It doesn’t prove anything.
Since then my partner has threatened for the thousandth time to leave me, that I am crazy, tonight he came up to my room as I he been avoiding him and he yelled at me for using “his” pot to cook. There are a lot of problems with that:
-That pot was given as a gift to both of us
-It is a pressure cooker and he doesn’t even know how to use because it is me who does all of the grocery shopping and all of the cooking. He thinks because he’s come to the grocery store with me a few times and makes a couple smoothies that he does as much as me in that regard. I cook real meals every day, multiple times a day for us.
-I have an eating disorder and am desperately trying to gain weight and yelling at me for using this pot is triggering and he knows it
-When he is angry at me he doesn’t give me money for groceries and right now we are low on food
-He is in MY house not paying rent or utilities, he gives me spending money and does pay for eating out. We just moved from an apartment where he was paying for everything but I was doing all housework and we had come to an agreement but one where I didn’t have any money of my own. I have been asking him for a year to help me make money as we have a few side hustles going on, but I need his help. He has his own business and I have helped him with his business a lot but of course he doesn’t see it.
Anyway so he tells me not to use his things, while being in my house and sleeping in my bed and having only contributed $80 for groceries so far. We spent a week making 6 different trips, three times with a uHaul to move his enormous inventory of musical equipment and things to my house. I have almost no things and yet my whole life my mom has always told me I have too many things. I had about four boxes worth of things. My grandmothers house is packed, almost every room, with his stuff.
I haven’t been keeping up with the laundry the last few weeks with the stress of the move, and three days ago, he asked me if he was going to have do everything alone? I got upset and I asked how can he say he has to do everything alone as I had spent days helping him. He in fact had me helping, his brother, and a friend drive an hour and a half to help us move. So he’s definitely not doing everything alone.
So even though he doesn’t buy food when we fight, doesn’t pay rent or utilities now, and won’t help me in making money so that I have my own income, he left all his dirty dishes last night. It was after cleaning up all his dishes that I then cooked for me, and that he then came to tell me not to use his things. I said nothing and didn’t argue and didn’t cry because I see now this is insane. I called my dad and he said that my mom and my partner want me to take the bait, and that they expect me to react in a certain way.
When I was pregnant two years ago my mother screamed at me that my partner was going to leave me and that she wasn’t going to pay for the baby and that I was going to be a single mother. I was really ill at the time and I ended up losing the pregnancy due to health reasons. I was desperately terrified for my health and my babies and she was screaming at me. My partner still to this day doesn’t think it’s as bad as I do. Which makes sense because after I lost the pregnancy I was a mess and having panic attacks and during one I ended up in the corner of the room on the floor sobbing asking what we were going to do about money and health care he spit on me out of frustration. My crying and talking when I’m crying sounds like yelling and it’s very triggering for him but no matter how much I try to stay calm, I become increasingly hysterical. When I had Akathisia from a rapid benzodiazepine taper I was on the ground in pain and she was telling me I was pathetic. (That’s a whole story in and of itself and involves my mom pushing diagnoses and meds on me which has left me traumatized, I went to intensive PTSD therapy after losing the pregnancy, my therapist tells me they are narcissists but still I am trapped). It’s been years of this abuse. I am stuck. Why do they hate me so much?
I’m sorry this is so long and disjointed, I feel really tired now.
Edited to add:
The house is mine in the sense that my mother said she is giving it to me. My partner also has issues with working a traditional job and I have helped him build up his business, I helped with marketing and the actual physical labor working ten hours a day that I get paid with through the food and shelter my partner was providing. So I do work. I didn’t tell my partner it was his job to figure it out when he thought he ruined two of his jobs. I got up and helped him fix it and reassured him and helped him grow his business and have supported all of his endeavors with my time and effort.
I don’t have to pay rent because my grandmother and mother want me to have the house, but when my mom is stressed she threatens to sell it before she puts it in my name. She told me this year she was going to put it into my name relatively soon.
I have PTSD and a therapist that I had ten months of PTSD therapy for after the pregnancy loss and how my partner and mother reacted. I was also ill and made my recovery last summer so I am better now and that is why I have spent the last six months working for my partners business. We have another side business but I can’t do it alone yet.
I do contribute. I do all the house labor, the grocery shopping, I help my partner with his business without real pay. I let him live in this house without asking for him to pay the utilities or anything except groceries. All I ask is for him to do his part of the side business so that I can have my own money in a way that will benefit both of us. I support his creative career, this house has a huge sunroom he is using for his art studio so he can stop working on his main business and pursue his dream of being a famous painter. What more can I do?
I can contact my old therapist but I am ashamed I am still struggling with the same things, albeit I am better than when I first saw her. She helped me get out of it and I know she thinks they are toxic so what can she do to help me if I don’t have the courage to leave?
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ptsd
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i was diagnosed with ptsd in 2018 and during that time i was rlly struggling to recover from my trauma, i stayed up all hours of the night to avoid nightmares, stayed in my room to feel safe from the outside, didnt eat at all, freaked out from any and all kinds of physical touch, and was just overall an anxiety riddled person. the works. i will say my intense hallucinations and paranoia has not come back which im grateful for.
this is all coming back currently and i dont know why. ive been taking meds regularly and nothing has changed in my routine. ive been doing rlly well since i graduated hs in 2020 and despite the pandemic i thrived emotionally. there has been some stress in my home life and socially (friendships and stuff). anyone have any answers? or is this the brain just being the brain?
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ptsd
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Since graduating six years ago, I'm on to my third job and studied full time to get my masters, so I've moved around every 2 years on average . About a year ago I landed what I thought was the job I always wanted, working for a high profile consulting firm on interesting projects in a team environment that believed in developing their own staff.
But after 6 months I started to lose interest in my day to day tasks and productivity fell through the floor. This lead to me being diagnosed with ADD and medicated with Adderall. The medication has massively improved the hour by hour situation at work but I'm starting to realise that maybe the world of consulting, where projects run for years and a month of design work can be scrapped because the client wants things done differently, isn't for me. I really enjoy the problem solving aspects but the majority of the work is repetitive and tedious, [nobody wants a civil engineer to have an exciting day at work](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTopVi1hVVM).
I'm wondering, are there non-consulting engineering jobs that would be more suitable for some one with ADD? Preferably still in the civil engineering profession, but I'm open to all ideas.
For context, I specialize in drinking water projects, have 5 years of professional experience, an MSc and I'm about to sit the PE exam (if I can get organised enough to submit the application paper work).
Additional context, I'm a late bloomer who didn't start University until I was 28. I spent most of my 20's in the military, or working no skill labouring and warehouse jobs. So I do appreciate just how good I already have it.
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ADHD
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Hi all, I’ve been around the block a few times with OCD. I’ve had a few different themes throughout my life. I’m finding relationship themes especially distressing. Like 12 months ago I was convinced my partner was going to become a drug addict despite absolutely no history of this. It slowly morphed into “what if he’s immoral” and now I constantly scrutinise everything he says. This is where this one is especially tricky because some things he says are factually immoral or politically incorrect. Eg. saying the word “retarded”. In previous times I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, or maybe just tutted. These days a comment like that consumes my mind for days at a time. Anyway, just wanted to rant.
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OCD
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For the past few months, I’ve been drifting off into sleep and then waking up immediately as I feel like I’m falling asleep. Or atleast it feels like it. I wasn’t sure what the problem was, if I was having nightmares and waking up in panic, but it would happen three or four times a night.
Now I’ve been having horrible nightmares, worse than normal. I have nightmares almost every night, but the most recent one I cried for three hours after waking up.
It is currently 4:22 am and I cannot sleep. My thoughts are horrifying and I’ve been crying in the dark telling myself I am safe. I feel so on edge and over stimulated
Does it ever get better?
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ptsd
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Does anyone else just want to sleep, like its the only time where i don't think. I don't tend to dream and its that emptyness that i crave half the time. When i'm awake i go over everything that happened, where i might of went wrong, how i should of done better, how i just miss seeing her and hearing her laugh or the radiant smile that she has.
Shes not gone from the world shes just no longer wanting me to be a part of her life. She is so happy now, new boyfriend etc and all i can think is i could of done that for you, i could of been a light for your darkness if only she gave me the chance.
I wanted to date her, i told her this and for months we talked and seen each other platonicaly a few times, i met her family and thought finally i can show her how good i was going to be to her life and then she just doesn't want a relationship, i feel like an utter failure, all i needed was that chance and i wish months later she would of let me.
It's been eating me alive for the past few weeks knowing shes happy and i wasn't the one who did that for her, and i hate myself cause i should be happy for her, i am happy for her but i wish she chose me. I'm not perfect, no one is but i would of committed my life to making her happy for the rest of it.
I just wish i could talk to her, for her to see that i fell in love with her from the moment i met her.
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depression
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I’m trying to end my rituals of thoughts and become happy and bring back some normality into my life. But I’ve spent weeks specifically trying to confront my rituals head on, and exposing myself to them so they break away.
They are still present since technically I put myself into a situation of buying into negative thoughts and manifesting these thoughts.
What should I do? Whenever I play a game from my childhood, or watch a cartoon they start shrinking down. If they come up I can look over. Which I believe is the point. Should I either do that or expose to the rituals?
The latter feels difficult to do. I just want to be happy again. Last year was painful and awful and beginning of this year was horrendous. I hate it so much because no one understands me because of it, as it is so personal to me.
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OCD
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I’m caring, I can help others, I can respond critically fast to siblings emotions.
But beneath this mask of decency, I have a dark side that just wants to be worshipped, in control, be able to control people and manipulate them without feeling sorry.
I also have a deep resentment for the world and feel that secretly I’m so disadvantaged that It makes me so unique.
I have a dialogue with women on dating sites and that’s presenting myself as a super emotional guy who is an empath as well as compassionate, but my goal is control, submission and even a sense of sadism. I want to secretely hurt peoples emotions and find ways to acquire power and total superiority from them. I like the feeling of being emotionally abusive. When I had an online girlfriend I tried to convince her she was a schizophrenic for believing in such things against me, she was not a schizophrenic she had borderline pd.
I always deny things and try to gaslight people, I make complete random stories up and get a sense of excitement when they believe it.
I am a pathological liar.
This is under my caring nature and kindness I have towards my mom and strangers.
I don’t fake my emotions, I genuinely feel them.
I’m diagnosed with narcissistic traits, but a full diagnosis of level 2 autism spectrum disorder and a intellectual impairment evident by my late milestones and even by my inability to look after myself without a carer.
Most of the times these psychological traits are kept within and don’t come out very often. But they’re there
I don’t know why I’m like this, I don’t wanna be a bad person. I still cry for my mom and hug her and love my sister. What am I????
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aspergers
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Hi!
I spend a lot of my time sitting at a computer studying and some days are a lot harder than others. I often find it hard to get started but once I’m there I’m fine. Other days are like today. Today I struggled through the whole day and it never got easier to focus. I’m exhausted from concentrating on my work as well as concentrating on keeping my concentration all day.
Anyway I was/am feeling particularly under stimulated today while I was studying. You know that feeling like your skin is crawling and you’ve got jumpy legs and nothing will make it better? I felt like I could’ve screamed.
Anyway that was a rant but just wondering if anyone has some tips for working through/calming down that meltdowny feeling?
Much love
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ADHD
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Now to clear things up I’m specifically referring to the type of animal people you often see in lots of peoples personas/fursonas online and animated films or that recent animated pilot called Zoophobia If I had the choice I’d probably be some sort of reptilian type creature as I think lots of Lizards look pretty cool and lots of them are incredibly intelligent and like to relax which are all things I like doing. What would you choose?
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aspergers
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I often get hyper aware of my breathing if I can’t sleep. What does sensory motor ocd feel like for you all? I’m wondering if I have symptoms.
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OCD
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I am 23 and I am towards the end of my Psychology degree, with units in counselling, criminology and justice, counselling and addiction studies. I have complex PTSD revolving around having dated a physically abusive partner who killed his own mother who I was very close to. I didn't know such a traumatic event would occur during my time studying a degree that relates in many ways to my own life experience and conditions. I have a tiny amount of work experience in customer service and have volunteered occasionally with a children's disability service which utilises horses therapeutically. I am wanting to work with youth, in mental health advocacy or in a human rights group but i am concerned that I have so little work experience due to the severity of the PTSD I have dealt with, the nightmares, flashbacks, sleep deprivation and triggers. Just to mention, I have progressed a lot mental health wise, am medicated and am receiving psychological assistance.
I feel as if I am being pressured by my job provider and prompted by my friends and other people in my life to explain why I have such little work experience. I'm getting more worried with each birthday about my ability to find a job (I am nearly 24). I believe I have the potential to work in a career that revolves around supporting the disadvantaged in society, and I am passionate about this. However, I am constantly concerned about how my symptoms may get in the way. I think I adjust more slowly to new situations compared to many people, calculating risks before I feel comfortable enough to flow in a routine. I am often hypervigiliant in new settings and take a while to adjust. I hope that I am able to find an employer that will give me at least a bit of time to find my confidence, but I am doubtful that there are many employers who allow for this. Prior to having PTSD, I was an excellent communicator and was able to give good advice and impassion others. I find it much harder to socialise nowadays but recognise that i need experience in the first place to progress. I guess to sum this all up, I am very anxious about my employment prospects due to setbacks related to PTSD, but feel as if I could be a great asset if given the opportunity. I would like to know how other people have navigated similar dillemas?
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ptsd
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I know this question may seem like a rather negative one. But there have been many instances in my life where people were turned off because I wasn’t able to reciprocate body language and other hand gestures associated with “showing manners.” I don’t like to be rude, and even when I do learn these “new manners”, it takes me a little bit of time to start applying them. You know what they say you can never change the mindset of another person, but it does hurt when people walk away from you because they think you have a lot of ego.
I have always and continue to struggle with first impressions. In life for lots of things there’s only one chance.
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aspergers
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I should’ve died. I don’t want to die, but I’m just saying that it’d be more fair for me to die instead of over a million innocent people, including 250K+ Americans.
I’m a horrible person. Trust me when I say this. I have so much wrong with me mental illness-wise...one of my many disorders is borderline personality disorder, and I also have narcissistic traits. As a matter of fact, I could potentially have full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. I could go on and on about how I’m terrible, but I’m sure just the word “narcissist” will give you an idea of how awful I am.
Meanwhile, so many people have died from COVID. They were good people. Don’t believe me? Look up “COVID victims stories.” These people had real lives with legitimate purposes. They were helping people. They contributed to society. They were amazing people.
I, on the other hand, am so damn mentally ill that even at 21 years old I can’t function like a normal human. So who deserves to die? An evil person who is unable to make any contributions to society and is a burden, or someone that’s making a difference? I’d say the latter deserves life more.
WHY THE HELL AM I STILL HERE? HOW ON EARTH DO I DESERVE TO BE HERE?!?!?! Why is it that I’m still alive and so many others are dead and dying? How is that fair?
(And no, I’m not actively suicidal; well, I live with chronic suicidal thoughts but no intent on ever acting on them due to religious reasons)
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ptsd
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I’ve recently developed TOCD. For me it was triggered by tiktok (idk it’s really weird) bc I’ve gotten a lot of tiktok like that on my fyp and apparently with my brain it tells me anything that’s on my fyp is true and that’s the whole problem. So I’ve spent the last couple of weeks just like ruminating and checking my own thoughts. Like my brain knows it’s not true but my ocd is like “but what if?” And here I am just researching for a couple of hours. I’m just soooo done with this shit. And for some reason this very subtype is causing me a lot of distress. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?
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OCD
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I’ve completed two years of DBT group and individual therapy and I’ve reached pretty much what I think would be an appropriate end for my sessions, I can continue to see my therapist but I feel like I’ve gotten all of the skills and techniques that she’s able to provide, she doesn’t seem very experienced in dealing with patients long term so i get the feeling like it would be better for me to move on to a program that is less skill-focused since those normally have an “end” to what the treatment can offer you once you have mastered the skills. I think I am able to be skillful in my daily life but I still would like to see a therapist regularly to be able to vent/get advice on family and friend crises because I seem to always be having to deal with really heavy stuff in my personal life with family and friend trauma. Is there a specific type of therapy that’s good for long term? I know most DBT therapists will see you long term but most Programs have a specific time limit/goal for you to master the skills, I think I’m living my day to day life skillfully but I would still like to be able to talk to a professional weekly/bi weekly. Does anyone have any suggestions?
(this isn’t really relevant but I thought I’d mention that I’m from Toronto Canada just in case anyone has more specific suggestions).
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ptsd
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Hey, gang. Full-blown ASD, here. Am I the only one that doesn’t go into ‘meltdown’ mode like so many others I see on here? I used to have minor moments when I just needed everyone to fuck off for a bit, but I’d hardly consider that a meltdown. I know to each their own, so on and so forth, and I totally agree, but maybe I’m just meltdown free since 2003? And now I’ve found the time to rhyme on a dime which is sublime and not a crime.
I’d assume there are more than just myself?
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aspergers
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I want to meet and chat with others who are on the spectrum.
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aspergers
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I feel as though God is sending me messages though predictions I obsessively make and synchronicities and sometimes dreams. I'm scared God is showing me Christianity is real. They can be very convincing.
Most of all I would like to see stories of others who say they have had these things in a non Christian way. This could be paranoid the government is watching them, other religions or anything else that was obviously not actually happening.
Does anybody know where I could see things like this?
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OCD
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Prologue
I kinda need advice so yeah. Also keep in mind this is a special needs school
CHAPTER 1 The faculty
My teachers and aides are terrible. They yell at me for no reason(something I specifically sensitive too) They have a history of being emotionally abusive. They don't follow my IEP and refuse to make reasonable accomodations. They also egg on students who get very loud at times.
CHAPTER 2 The Students
I have dealt with quite a bit of bullying even from people I thought were friends. Then there's the annoying ones, they will be incredibly loud, argumentative with faculty and just plain out annoying (think random noises or being incredibly distracting). The ones who always try to get me worked up and annoyed often being egged on by faculty are almost as bad. Keep in mind I ba e a sensitivity to noise so this all really frustrates me, then when my frustrations result in me being short and annoyed suddenly I'm the one who's bad.
CHAPTER 3 Updates
Nothing here yet to be updated.
7 December I got noise blockers to deal with some of the sound from students.
Conclusion
I really need advice to deal with the staff and the noise. Any advice
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aspergers
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I mainly struggle with psychosis ocd where i fear im going insane. So i will constantly question and check my surroundings and my behaviors. If i start cleaning to divert from the ocd, my brain jumps to "youre having a manic episode" even tho i dont have bipolar. If i try to just allow myself to lay down and calm down it jumps back to "you need to do something or you'll go insane" it just wont shut up
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OCD
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There are times where I’m completely fine doing things that would otherwise make me worry and freak out, but other times I literally freeze up and shut down when confronted with the things that trigger my anxiety.
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OCD
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I truly have no will to do anything, nobody cares about me, nobody talks to me, the only time someone talks to me is when then need something from me mainly money. I’m so over it. I just want atleast one person to care but that won’t ever happen. I’m alone and it truly feels like I will be forever. Not even my quote “best friend” cares doesn’t even cares if I just vanish even family doesn’t care
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depression
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My nine year old has ADHD. They're not yet diagnosed, but that process will start in just a few days. I also have ADHD (professional opinion of an ADHD specialist, not official), although it affects me less than it does them. I'm very careful and don't break things, mine manifests in other ways (like getting distracted from laundry to write this).
I'm having a really hard time tho, as a parent, accepting and dealing with the number and amount of things they destroy. Just now trying to do laundry I tried to pick up a brand new laundry basket and both handles broke off in my hands because they'd sat on it sideways and broken it to bits. I just cut a small ball of slime out of their clothes because slime gets everywhere and ruins my favorite sweater, multiple king size bedsheets, etc. They take makeup they've been told to not touch and misuse and destroy it. Intentionally cut up other people's clothes to make cool clothing for themself out of it. Stabbed their leg in a culvert. Dropped their phone and broke it to uselessness (screen was already broken) just yesterday.
I could go on about 5 or 10 times longer than that with just things in recent memory. It's such a huge drain on our family in raw monetary terms, and the emotional tax when it's things that can't be simply replaced with money is enormous too.
When they were younger, say a couple years ago, I thought they could learn to be better and were just being reckless and inconsiderate. I've now accepted that they don't want to destroy all these things, they just can't help it due to the condition of ADHD. But now it just feels hopeless. With acceptance comes remorse and depression for me.
Does anyone have advice on, IDK, containing their blast radius? Teaching them to be more careful despite their ADHD? Accept even more that they're going to destroy hundreds of dollars of items a month and figure it's the cost of having a kid with ADHD?
Also, we have seen multiple therapists for them and they have gone to a therapist individually. We will continue to ask these questions of the therapists, but I wanted to get more advice because that hasn't helped much.
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ADHD
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So I’ve been dealing with Relationship Pure O for the las 5 years. Deathly afraid of being cheated on and always accusing or searching etc.. Anyway hit a real rock bottom a few months ago and needed to try something different. I hadn’t started CBT/ERP yet but I was in the beginning stages of recovery/healing and getting the help needed. Outside of therapy I started to do my own research. What I found was hope. For 3 weeks (1 week ramp up time) I abstained from Alcohol, drugs, gluten. I worked out everyday and got to bed at an early hour so I could get 7.5 to 8 hours sleep. I took probiotics and fish oil and multi vitamins daily.
Please take note of what I am about to say
1. I didn’t ruminate in my mind for more than 5-10 seconds at a time, and maybe for a total of 10x each day. Things I would normally repeat in my head back to myself weren’t even coming out fully. I couldn’t finish the sentences. I didn’t know what was going on. (I didn’t need to even mark rumination time in my notebook). The thing didn’t really come out of my backpack.
2. I didn’t search Google one time for anything related to my OCD, not once!
3. I didn’t accuse my GF or ask for any reassurance on anything.
4. I found myself much more clear and remembered what it felt like to be normal.
So here is the kicker!
Last Friday
1. I drank 9 drinks, 7 which had gluten
2. I didn’t work out for 4 days
3. I ate like crap ( Candy, soda, junk food etc.
4. I only slept for 2 hours on Friday night and had shitty sleep for next two because hangover lasted 2-3 days. (I’m 42)
5. Got in a huge fight with GF about insecure BS
6. Stress levels went through the roof
7. Oh and I started googling again a good amount (I’ve done worse )
My OCD came back with a vengeance on Sunday night and lasted until Tuesday evening. I am calming down now and feeling better.
In my mind there is a huge correlation between healthy and unhealthy habits and my OCD. I am back on the healthy wagon and looking to stay there. I will update again in two weeks.
My heart goes out to everyone on this SUB
We will find a way!
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OCD
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I waste so much time (most of the time, the entire day) just thinking about whether I washed my hands or cleaned the house, so I just end up repeating the entire process to quiet my thoughts. I barely have time for other things anymore. If I'm not overthinking, I give in to the obsessive thoughts and do the compulsions (i.e., keep repeating washing my hands and cleaning the house, even if I literally just did - yes, I am using "literally" in its literal sense here).
Sometimes, it's not even reasonable anymore. I get out of the bathroom with still slightly wet hands, indicating I've already washed my hands, but i still don't believe it. I am constantly questioning reality. Apart from this, before I touch anything, I waste so much time overthinking the history of the object (who last touched it, possible scenarios of how dirty it could be). Almost always, I end up not touching anything unless I sanitise it first. It's horrible. I don't know what to do.
I have booked an appointment with my employer's EAP already - would this help? This has been going on for 5 months already, but I'm resisting going to the doctor, as I am worried the records might be accessed by a current or potential future employer.
I live alone as an immigrant, and i don't have family and friends here, so I don't really receive emotional support from anyone right now.
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OCD
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I tend to convince myself that I think, feel, and perceive things significantly differently to the non-ADHD'er next to me. While that may be true to some degree, I think it's become a detriment as it sometimes leads me to avoid bothering to establish common ground and engage fully with people and projects and just life in general - and so it's a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.
In truth, there probably isn't as much of a rift between myself and others as I always assume there is - everyone is dealing with their own shit, everyone is self conscious, everyone thinks the spotlight is on them, everyone feels like a bit of an imposter.
Do you guys feel alienated? What helps when you're feeling like that?
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ADHD
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My OCD has gradually become worse as I’ve aged. I’m 21 years old and I have zero friends because I stay at home and overthink everyday. I have no job because I physically cannot leave my house and possessions alone. I hate this mental illness and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
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OCD
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I have a sensitive heart deep down and I try to play it off but not caring and being blunt because deep down I’m just tired of getting hurt by the same type of people over and over again. I always say I don’t care about people but deep down I do care I just hate having to deal with negative and cruel people all the time in my life. I also want to cancel out a lot of thoughts and emotions from my brain because I’m tired of dealing with the same group of people, is this a normal feeling of y’all or Im I the only one who feels this way?
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aspergers
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[removed]
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/n5nxga)
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OCD
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I’m medicated. But still struggle to start on complicated tasks. By complicated I mean, if it takes several steps. School: read directions, open files, take notes, discussions, etc. Work: same idea.
I tend to do things that I have a pattern for or that’s repetitive. I ignore deadlines and do those easier things first. I try to tell myself certain taglines. “1-2-3, Go!” “You’re not going to die. Just step in” (because you know, that feeling of doom and dread before you start?). “Bitch, go”. Etc….
What are your tricks to begin?
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ADHD
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32 year old male here. I am so tired of being afraid to go to sleep. I was abused from the age of 6 or 7 and up until I was 20. The first was sexual abuse when I was 6 or 7. After it happened I told my father and he punched me in the nose calling me a liar. He broke my nose. From then on he tried to beat the gay out of me because only gays make up lies like that. He didn't use the word gays. I have had repeated concussions all of which I was never allowed to see a doctor. He thought that if he damaged my head enough then it would reboot straight. The worst was the No. 1 wood golf club to my right temple. It wasn't a full swing. Just a flick into the side of my head. But it dropped me and I remember stumbling around for hours.
Sometime after the abuse began I started having night terrors. I would also have visual hallucinations during the night when the lights were off. To this day I still cannot have posters or pictures on my bedroom wall of anything that could possibly come to life. Every night the hockey players on my wall would come to life and attack me. This wasn't in my dreams. I was very much awake. Once a man crawled out of the wall socket. During my sleep I would have horrible nightmares and night terrors with sleep paralysis. I still do. I am so afraid to sleep now. I sleep around 4 hours a night because I am so afraid to fall asleep. I have to wait until I am so tired that I can't keep myself awake anymore.
I tried medications and THC. But they relax me so much that I can't escape the nightmares or terrors. It is horrible.
I remember before they began all I wanted to do was sleep all day so I could escape the abuse. Now the abuse is over but sleeping brings me back there. I am afraid of the dark as well. And most of the time i feel embarrassed that I have these fears.
I know it shows how strong I am that I am still here fighting instead of giving up like I wanted to so often. But I don't feel strong. I cry all the time and I can't help but feel weak and alone.
It is 1.31 am here and I have to be up at 6 for work. I should have been asleep hours ago.
However, I am finally going to see a Neurologist this Thursday for a bunch of issues stemming from the head traumas. And I am hoping they are able to find something that can be improved. Maybe if I can fix one thing then I will feel happy and excited for a few weeks.
This is my first post here. Sorry if I ranted to much and that I don't have any questions or anything. I just needed to distract myself from being afraid for a few minutes.
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ptsd
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This rant isn't not to bash NTs, nor do I think all NTs are the same or 'like this..'
I'm tired...
Of feeling broken, of trying my best and it not being good enough. Expending huge and enormous amounts of energy to cope and appear to be normal.
Compared to my peers or people of the same age, I've achieved nothing. I don't have a career, I burned out of my last job.
I try, try and try. I burn out. I can't cope, it's soo stressful. I drive and push myself, and I excel in one area to only crash and burn in another. And because I excel or come across well in one area, it's used against me in areas where I need support.
There is no support.
It's an endless cycle. I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of having to adapt myself, conform, mask, camouflage and pretend to be something I'm not inorder to fit in. I shut my mouth, keep quite, hide away because I'm wrong or broken or I need to be fixed. Meanwhile NTs around me can say or do whatever and not be called out on it...but if I were to say or do what they have done...well I would (and I have) been crucified for it.
I constantly feel like:
A. I'm drowning, silently screaming under water, no one can hear me. Autism is a hidden or invisible social and communication impairment or disability. Sometimes called a disorder or condition, and has high comormid rates of depression and anxiety.
B. A walking, taking, living contraction of introvertion, shyness, social anxiety...who finds simple everyday tasks that NTs take for granted, difficult. I'm aloof, and lack emotion, but an empath who experiences emotions deeply. But because I don't express emotions like NTs, it's assumed I lack emotions.
C. I'm in a foreign country or another planet, where everyone not only speaks a different language, but there's an entirely different culture. There's no dictionary or rule book, and everyone knows and understands these unspoken rules, where I just have no idea. The ability to be included and thrive in this world is very much dependent on these unwritten rules.
D. My strengths are used against me, and my struggles are disregarded. If I 'do good' or achieve, then it's no big deal. I'm just doing what everyone else expects and what everyone else can do. If I make a mistake or if I don't get something...well I'm not 'stupid', and you can do x, so you should be able to do y? And trying to explain or have others understand, that you genuinely struggle doing y, even though you excel doing x.
E. Constantly gas lighted and manipulated. NTs have in the past said XYZ, I've repeated what they have said as XYZ, and been told that I'm lying. No. You did say XYZ, but now you are the one backtracking and lying because you know it was wrong or a bad thing to say. And I get blamed and scapegoated, when I have not lied.
Told to do one thing, I do it, and told off for doing it. Even though that's what they spesfically asked me to do. I've found that bullying managers are the worst for this, and they don't tend to write it down or email it, as it could be used evidence.
Goal posts constantly shifting and moving. The meaning, context and interpretation of words changing to suit the persons world view, with no understanding that others might not interpret your words exactly as you mean them. This isn't necessary my fault, it happens between everyone. This technique is used to cover backs of management, and most people will toe the party line than speak up about bullying, because they are scared to lose their jobs. I've seen this in institutions and organisations who profess to have 'values'.
F. Feel like I cannot be myself. When I am myself, I'm not accepted, I'm too difficult, too different, too quiet, too weird. I then think why can't I be normal? What's wrong with me? Why I'm I like this? Meanwhile, NTs have no problem being their loud usual social selves, while I'm constantly overthinking about how I'll come across if so much as cough.
Being told what to think, feel, believe and what my opinion should be. Unable to defend myself or argue back, as my mental health would and has been used to undermine and disregard me. If I were to behave this way to the other person, I'd be told I was being rude, lacking integrity and shut down. Quite rightly so, as it is rude.
And it's those with autism who lack social awareness? The lack of awareness I see is sometimes astounding, I honestly can't believe that it's real, that someone could behave or conduct themselves in such a manner.
I'm 31 years old, married mother of 1 and I've have a master's. Yet I'm treated like a child and spoken down to in a patronising manner by others.
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aspergers
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I’ve been dealing with violent intrusive thoughts for a while. There is one in particular that has been giving me a lot of trouble. I have this thought of hugging a family member and when I’m hugging them I somehow harm them either with a sharp object or maybe squeezing too hard. Every time I would think it I would retract and be horrified. Now every time I think about hugging or embracing a family member, that thought comes back, and it’s really causing me a lot of distress. Help...
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OCD
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For starters I should say I'm not sure if I belong here. My "official" diagnostics are OCD, depression, anxiety, and Autism spectrum disorder. Although I'm not sure how much of that is true anymore. I've known there was something always wrong with me, however. I believe I have a lot in common with a ADD/ADHD diagnosis.
* I can't stand loud or distracting noises, or just distractions of any kind which will make me extremely irritable
* I'm the slowest reader in anyone in my family. It can take me weeks or months to finish a book.
* I can't concentrate on what people are saying to me, and it requires a huge amount of effort
* I feel emotionally detached from big, traumatic events but then small, random things will make me extremely sad
* I get extremely anxious easily, and I'll freeze up or melt down during stress
* Nothing really makes me happy anymore--I don't feel much accomplishment when I finish a task, and I lost my ability to enjoy an orgasm. It's hard to motivate myself to do anything, especially long-term. And that makes me feel like shit. So I start being productive not because it makes me happy, but so I don't feel lazy.
* If something makes me anxious, my mind becomes extremely obsessed with it and I can't stop thinking about it until I can somehow resolve the issue. I'll ruminate for weeks or months on end about heavy philosophical issues that I can't answer, and if I don't answer them I'm left with this awful, awful, anxiety.
* Ironically, when someone changes topics in a conversation when I still had more to say, this bothers me immensely. I can't switch from activity to activity like everyone else can. Like, things *have* to be done one at a time OR I'm just mindlessly wandering around on the internet, and if something excites or distracts me that sends me on a whole new tailspin. Like for example, if I'm watching a movie that gives me an idea, I'll start walking around excitedly and thinking about new cool ideas.
* I talk to myself extremely compulsively, and I'll think about imaginary scenarios in my head and I'll even start acting them out. Sometimes I forget that I'm just imagining things and get really caught up in them. It's not that I hallucinate and can't tell what's real or not--I always know what's a fantasy and what isn't--it's just that whatever I'm thinking about is holding a lot of weight with me.
* My social skills are delayed. I don't know when it's my turn to talk, or how to conduct myself professionally, or how to find love.
* I just feel like there's this void inside me. This big nothingness. And sometimes I don't even feel like the world is quite *there*, and I'm just passively observing it--or it might not even be real. This usually happens when I'm very anxious and stressed.
* I'm deeply depressed.
And man it just fucking sucks. I was on Prozac for awhile but that gradually destroyed my ability to enjoy sex--which I might not ever get back. So I stopped that. Tried some other meds that also didn't work. I just feel like shit most of the time, and I feel trapped inside myself, unable to get out. I don't know what it is to be normal and happy. I don't understand how people do it. What the fuck is wrong with me?
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ADHD
|
Those days (or weeks) where you're completely burnt out, the songs that help you recover. I'm building a playlist for myself for my spoon recharge days, and I want new music for it
So far, I've got five songs.
•Harleys in Hawaii- Katy Perry
•Honeybee- Steampunk Giraffe
•Sad Machine- Porter Robinson
•Hello, World- Louie Zong
•Supermodel- SZA
The songs have minimal stimulation for me, and they're repetitive enough to lose myself in
Any songs are appreciated!
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aspergers
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I'm on my 5th week of elvanse currently on 40mg I'm finding it extremely difficult to relax and it's really getting on my nerves like I can't just be scrolling on my phone and relaxed about it. I didn't think it was the medication at first but now I'm thinking it might be...because I used to be able to get to a point where I could just slumber and feel good about it. Now I'm always looking for something to do like I always ha e to be doing something. Like right now I'm on the sofa I've been on my phone for about 15 mins and the whole time I've felt on edge and I still do.. I take it at 8.30am every morning.
Does it get easier this feeling. Like I thought the anxious chest pain feeling would go away but it hasn't especially in the evenings and if work is stressful. I've just bought my next prescription which has cost me a lot..do I just keep pushing and pushing through? Im always questioning this medication like it gets me up in the morning and going but like...I'm always wondering. I'm just finding this very difficult to make decisions usually I have an instinct but i just don't know about this one. It's the most confusing medication I've ever been on.
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone. I've been on reddit for a year but kept on forgetting there's a sub for literally anything, and fairly recently this sub was suggested to me.
I'm Mr. Joyless Brick, I'm in my early 30s, and I think I have ADHD. I've always been the odd one out growing up, and living in a country that abolished communism a year before I was born, mental health is something that's still looked at as fake, although in the last 10 years or so, it started getting some attention.
I left my country a while ago to start a new life and, moved to the UK. I've been living with depression and anxiety for the past 10 years and, even though I tried to treat it, nothing ever worked, be it medication or therapy. My home country emphasised treating with benzos and the UK emphasised treating with CBT. I had a combination of both in both countries, but it never worked.
I'm different from others, I feel it, know it and experience within all my social groups. I've done lots of online screenings and all of them tell me I might have ADHD. I certainly have most traits, but also have some that contradict my self-diagnosys. The latter might be due to being a coping mechanism developed in order to fit in in a not-so-friendly NT society.
I like tidy, clean, open spaces, hate clutter, I'm always organised, I always plan ahead and good at it, I'm always on time, I'm good at reading social situations and good at reading people. I'm the President of office politics.
That's if I don't have a major depression episode when I simply don't care about anything and just drink my day away - actually had a few drinks (more) in order to have the courage to reach out for advice tonight. I feel like my friends and family think I'm just lazy. Not their fault, they're different in their own NT way.
It just baffles me how I can understand them, being "gifted" with extreme emphaty, and they can't understand me at all. At least they kind of hide it well, with the occasional "if you put your mind into it, you will overcome this" and blaming my symptoms on my drinking when in fact it's the condition that causes my drinking.
I need help, or I'm going to lose it soon. (Not violent, not suicidal.)
TL;DR - Is there any way I can get tested/screened/diagnosed faster in the UK for adult ADHD? Just moved house, need to get a job fast. GPs and CBT didn't help with anything. Always felt as weird/don't belong, but never knew how to ask for help when I was a kid. Tried different antidepressants to no avail.
Thank you for reading either the post or the TL;DR and any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Edit: Can't afford to go private.
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ADHD
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I’m coming to the realization that it’s a form of escape. I have tried to suicide before, especially when I was younger, and I came through I felt numb for awhile but there’s always been moments since that I’m happy I lived. I can push through the pain more now knowing that there’s brief moments that make it worth it. Like wtf, why not just see what happens?
It’s not the advice I would have heard during dark bouts but it’s a seed I can plant for when things get lighter.
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depression
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to start, i'm not asking for medical advice or diagnostic help. i'm 23M, somewhat in the process of being diagnosed. i've considered that i might be on the autism spectrum since i was in my mid-teens but felt too shameful to reach out to anyone for several reasons. only in the past couple years have i started opening up to people who are closest to me, and MH professionals, with mixed responses. i get a lot of "you communicate too well to be autistic!" which is frustrating, because while i know i'm great at scripting small talk and sounding "normal", i am TERRIBLE at actual discussion, especially discussion about my mental health experiences. i'm slowly getting better (lots of trial and error while i shop for a therapist) but certain things i'm really struggling with. i wanted to talk here about one symptom(?) specifically, to see if it's a common experience for those with aspergers, what it's like for them, and to see if anyone has any insight on how to be able to effectively explain it to a therapist. maybe even just writing it out will help.
anyways, the closest pre-existing thing i can find to what i live 24/7 is maladaptive daydreaming, but i don't think that's completely accurate because it's not a daydream and moreso it's seamlessly woven into my normal reality. there are characters i live alongside who i incorporate into the art i make, who feel like parts of me who i also have a connection to as a real people who i just haven't met yet. things like monsters and magic and ESP are real things i feel like i've experienced, and i'm prone to interpreting real, objective parts of reality as these things. i easily confuse my own vivid dreams as real experiences, and i feel like i can communicate with animals. i was recently describing to my boyfriend how it feels like little kids with overactive imaginations who have imaginary friends and believe they really turned into a dinosaur when they were playing pretend usually grow out of that kind of thing, but i never did. and objectively, deep down, i know that this is only MY perception of reality, and if i really wanted to i could probably snap out of it but the world seems way too boring that way. i've actually grown so attached to living in this weird little fantasy world of mine that it definitely prevents me from functioning in a normal, socially acceptable way, but i would much rather have what i do now than that.
this was an unintentionally very long-winded post, so tldr: is it a common autistic experience to construct and live in your own unique fantasy world, and if so, how would you describe it?
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aspergers
|
When Im by myself, i can smile at just about anything. Otherwise, I cant fake a smile good and i can only smile when i actually mean it (like when i laugh at something) When I try to fake a smile for other people it doesnt usually come out very good. I know it makes me look tough and unapproachable but i have a hard time now doing it? Anyone else have this problem/any advice?
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aspergers
|
So I have been diagnosed with Aspergers since I was about 11/12 (2013) and I’ve noticed that like many others, I have trouble forming relationships. So earlier this year, i tried out online dating apps, more specifically Bumble...... and to say that isn’t going well is a big understatement.
But here recently, I heard about this app called Hiki and it advertises itself as a dating/friendship app for autistic people. I wanted to get someone’s experience with this app before I download it as I have limited space on my phone due to too many photos. Im sorry if this isn’t the normal kind of thing to ask on this subreddit but its the only place I can think to ask 🤷🏻♂️
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aspergers
|
I'm over 30 now and I've never had a relationship. I used to be extremely ashamed of it because I felt like an absolute failure.
I had been looking for many reasons why it just didn't work out. I thought I was unattractive, not successful enough. I blamed women, thinking to myself that they just don't know what they want and so on.
Today I know that I am not alone among my autistic colleagues. It is not uncommon for people with autism to rarely or never find a partner. It's a small comfort, but at least I don't feel so alone with this problem anymore. I can now deal with it more openly and am no longer as ashamed of it as I used to be.
What experiences have you had in dating? Have you been successful or have you given up on the search?
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aspergers
|
I know reassurance is bad. Especially when you have OCD.
But I was going through my old messages from 2019 and found some messages I have with a girl I met online. She was born in 2004 and I'm born in 2002. We talked a little while before I knew her age. I was almost 17 back then, and she was 14 turning 15 that year. I told her I'm much older than her and she said that it's only a 2-year age gap.
I don't remember much, because we've stopped talking a long time ago. While going through messages I saw messages where I said she was "hot" and "pretty" and "cute" and she did the same to me, complimenting me and all. I did not remember if this was romantic or was it just me being friendly (I was very friendly and loved complimenting people). However, there is a likelihood that I did in fact had a crush on her, though it was a tiny crush and I couldn't remember it? I don't know.
We stopped talking around end of 2019 I think, because she vanished. I do not miss her and I didn't care so much. However looking back at those messages now as a 18 and a half year old, I felt disgusted. I feel like a pedophile. I feel gross. If I see a 17 year old now I would not feel any romantic attraction. I'd feel disturbed.
I would never ever hurt anyone, ever, but my brain is making me feel like a horrible pedophile. I don't know what to do. Is it pedophilic? Am I really a disgusting person? I've completely changed now, but what can I ever do to be forgiven? Can I ever even be forgiven? How the fuck am I supposed to look and people and my loved ones and tell them this? That I'm some filthy whore?
|
OCD
|
Granted this is a big question for most people, however I think the easy answer for "most" people is usually family, friends and maybe their career.
I struggle with the first two due to the usual ASD issues with personal interaction; lacking emotional intelligence and depth, struggling with interpreting others' behaviour and finding social interaction extremely tiring.
I understand rationally that really people should be the most important thing in one's life and interactions with them amongst the most rewarding and pleasurable, but I just don't feel it. While I've had some good times with mates I find the most pleasurable, contented memories I have are from times when I've been on my own; and as a kid I always used to prioritise my own little solo projects over seeing mates.
Further to the above I also struggle with intimate relationships for all the same reasons, and always feel like a fraud when chatting to someone I find attractive as I know that I can most likely never provide the depth of emotional interaction that they expect / require, while the thought of commitment and the burden of expectation this places upon me terrifies me.
Finally I've got nowhere with an ongoing job / career for all the usual reasons so that provides me nothing to cling to for a feeling of self-worth, progression or identity. I do have a small self-employed thing ongoing, however this is stagnating as it needs a lit of work on my part to really get off the ground and I'm struggling with applying myself / overwhelmed by what needs to be done.. and in any case it's hardly in a world-changing, altruistic field.
I care passionately about the enviroment but my total lack of productivity renders me useless to achieve anything in the face of the overwhelming destruction wrought on the planet by our race's apathy and greed.
I find helping people rewarding on a personal level, however on a wider scale I despise people for what we do to each other and the world around us. Besides, how can I help others when I can't even help myself?
I love cycling and it's been immeasurably beneficial to my mental and physical health (tbh it's the only thing in life that actually brings me joy / makes me recognisably happy), however again this hardly presents a raft of life-goals or constructive rewards beyond the above.
I have so much that needs to be done but find myself sitting on my arse doing nothing, wasting my life away. I have no direction and life just feels like a pointless exercise in killing time, until time sees fit to return the favour.
I've been like this all my life but as I get older it becomes increasingly difficult and tbh at the moment I'm really struggling. Assuming you're not in the same position as I am, where do you find purpose, meaning and joy in life?
EDIT: Thanks to those who've responded - I appreciate you all taking the time to do so and am sorry I've not responded sooner / to each post... have been pretty low recently and struggling to get anything done so the most I've been able to manage in response is some upvotes in return for your time!
|
aspergers
|
I (18F) am a contradiction, and that’s why no one noticed my asd traits.
The criteria says that we might have a hard time with muscle skills, but I learnt to write very young and have good fine motor skills. However, my gross motor skills were so bad that standing up straight still takes an enormous effort.
The criteria says that we must have challenges with communication and interaction, and I do struggle a lot, but I seemed to get along with my peers because I followed them everywhere, but I never really understood them (still don’t)
They say that we could have problems with imaginative play when we are kids, and I did, I had the same 3 scripts for playing over and over again for years. But on the outside it seemed like I played like any other child, apparently different games.
The criteria talks about sensory sensitivity, and I was very sensitive to many things, but I was more scared of the punishment for “being overly exaggerated”, so I just felt extremely uncomfortable inside, and learnt to not show it since very young.
I never really had a single special interest, I had a lot, and I just seemed maybe a little bit over invested in some topics, but as they seemed to not interrupt my life they didn’t matter.
And all my life I grew thinking that not understanding people and wanting to learn by memory all the muscles a cat has was the NT way, and it wasn’t. But now I have learnt to mask so so well -as I was afraid of the punishment of showing what made me ND- that I don’t think anyone would believe that I am ND. It would look contradictory.
|
aspergers
|
It’s been years of this. Then for like two months I’m just decent I just don’t feel depressed like wow thank god. But no no no it has to come back always the sun is out my life is fine and it’s just like bitch I missed you sup. Now I just feel like I’m complaining cause atleast I felt decent for a little while. But now it feels way worse cause it’s like, going from decent to depressed feels horrid. I’d rather it’s of just stayed. I was use to it the now I have to become numb again I hate it. I hate it so much. Does anyone else understand? I just wish it would stay instead of it going up and down like this. Cause then it feels worse. Now I just wanna sleep forever again but I have to work. Back when I worked when I was depressed everything went by fast cause the numbness let jt. Now everything is just so slow. Sorry for complaining I love all of you I know we’re all in this shit. Good vibes or something
|
depression
|
Does anyone else deal with feeling like they're incapable or normal living?
Every situation that people handle with ease seems like it takes so much mental effort to deal with. Over the years it's manifested into hating myself. Even to the point that it's become who I am and i just project it onto everyone around me.
I have a good job, family, and everything everyone else has but I still feel like a failure in almost every aspect of my life. I would love to hear your experiences, tips, and possibly some resources to help me get over this giant manifested lump of baggage because until I do I'll just continue to hurt those that love me.
|
ADHD
|
Hey guys and gals I can do long range Egyptian reiki maybe I can help
|
depression
|
I was emotionally abused for wanting to change schools, I failed high school, went on an exchange and got grounded by my host family, failed university preparation, was kicked from a club 4 times, dropped from a degree multiple times, struggled at a grocery store job, and smashed plenty of relationships from impulsive decisions. It turned out I had undiagnosed ADHD.
At each stage of life, my mother and I had disagreements on the direction of my life. She responded by emotionally abusing me. This happened each year from ages 15-18. At first, I learnt to embrace it, stating my wants and needs then letting the situation escalate. Later I learnt she plays nice when a counsellor gets involved, so I'd speak to her, she'd scream me down, then I'd involve a counsellor. This still affects me daily at 25.
I was going to commit suicide and a late-diagnosed ADHD read my story. He said it sounded like ADHD, so I saw psychiatrists who agree. I have ASD and ADHD.
Ritalin has made a clear difference for ADHD. I feel like myself. I felt like study and employment weren't options for me, now it does. I've been more productive. One of the big issues I had was whispering/talking/yelling to myself. I couldn't stop and nobody would hire me. Now it stopped. The trauma thoughts quietened down a lot.
[Long version here](https://www.reddit.com/r/latediagnosisadhd/comments/onxytn/my_story_failed_high_school_university/).
With the late diagnosis and effective medication comes a lot of thinking about myself, about others, about society.
I was discriminated against my whole life for something I didn't understand. Realising how different I am, and thinking about that impacted me negatively, can be quite isolating.
Developing CPTSD, starting 2 unwanted degrees against my will, cutting off my family, and a lot of wounds, smashed relationships and opportunities, difficulty with study and employment until I get a proper diagnosis was all non-negotiables for me.
I saw counsellors my whole life and nobody helped me in a meaningful way. It took a fucking Reddit comment to make sense of my life. What the fuck.
I've had my mother abuse me into submission with counsellors stepping in. I've had a meme group accuse me of crimes I didn't do, the same dude ended up getting in trouble for pressuring a woman into sex. I've had a far-left anarchist dig up old offensive messages, track down someone's home, and make up allegations about me to try to take me out. I've had a friend get convicted of sexual misconduct, another try send me legal threats and later turned out to be a domestic abuser against his partner, one mocked me for attempting suicide and likely will be an elected politician in the future. One dude I was good friends with ended being fully radicalised, had the police visit him, has a whole news article dedicated to him. He video called me talking about wanting to spark a revolution against Islam. I cut him off eventually.
The way you can tell something was up with me is most people could tell from afar to avoid these people. That it sounds like bad news. I didn't. I would repeatedly get involved, get burned, and not get the signal. I think this is probably part of ADHD, brain fog, not thinking much about consequences.
I've been hurt and attempts to ruin my life from both family and others. I've never gotten a sincere apology from anyone. Nobody has personal accountability even when confronted on it. I just maneuvered people to back off and show there will be consequences for messing with me. This seems to be the most meaningful way to move people.
I think people overall are self-interested, uncaring, and are more concerned about their appearance than their character. People want to look good, not be good. I've been treated like shit by counsellors for wanting to get help. I don't trust the politicians who claim to represent me to actually care. I've lost faith in other people. I don't trust others. I get judged for the stupid shit I've done in the past and people judge me for where my life has gone. "Behind in life" fuck you, try dealing with all my shit.
As the cost of housing rises, as the planet gets worse, as it is getting harder to just get by, I'm not sure if I even want to be on this planet. The world is cruel and uncaring. I don't really have much motivation to be here much longer.
But I have a lot of social support. I'm getting an ADHD coach. I'm working towards getting a job. I'm learning to drive. I'm moving ahead. But I feel subdued. I want to shelter myself from people. There are some truly depraved people out there.
|
aspergers
|
About 6 years ago I watched the show Community, and on the last episode everyone was parting ways. To give a little insight to where the characters would go after the show ended, they imagined possible scenarios in their heads. A character named Abed said, (and i'm largely paraphrasing here, my memory sucks)
"Whatever you imagine will NOT happen in the future."
(This was more of a comment to let the viewers know that a certain relationship wasn't going to happen, but that's besides the point.)
and boom, I guess my little 14 year old brain latched onto that idea. Since then, whenever I started to dream about something happening (that's also in the realm of possibility, not like winning the lottery) such as being on a date with a person I like, I tried to snap out of it because I was afraid of jinxing it.
It's not as bad now, and I can allow my mind to wander a bit but damn i really held onto that one huh
|
OCD
|
So I was diagnosed a little over a month ago with adhd, after having been told that i likely have it since childhood (i’m 21 now).
My questions are more in regards to some of the processes, i noticed that there was a mega thread for being newly diagnosed and meds but the meds one seemed inactive and the newly diagnosed one didn’t seem to exactly fit. if this post is against any rules or anything please let me know and i will modify or take this down!
Okay, so, onto my question. I was diagnosed a month ago and prescribed adderall to help with the symptoms as my case is pretty moderate to severe. i’ve been able to manage on my own since childhood but they really have helped a lot as an adult! the thing is that i just have some questions about this process.
My doctor is new to me as i didn’t have a primary physician or psychologist or anything before (i’m broke and don’t have insurance). they’re willing to work with my budget and all that fun stuff and i feel very heard and listened to here which is a fantastic switch to when i was a kid.
The way that it’s been prescribed to me is on a kind of trial period. in another month i need to go back for a check in visit. in this visit we will further discuss how the adderall has impacted my situation and it’s effects on my life etc. my questions begin here. The doctor says that I will need to fill out a contract in regards to the adderall pertaining to things like only getting these meds from them, telling them about any new prescriptions or drug usage, etc. that’s all fine and dandy im just wondering if anyone here has ever had to sign a contract like that? and if so what that process is like/more of what it contains.
My other question is more in regards to the drugs test and what they’re testing for exactly? is it to make sure i’m actually taking the adderall? or something else?
thoughts, comments, concerns are all appreciated!
|
ADHD
|
About 4 years ago OCD started to limit my driving and other aspect of my life. This continued to get worse and worse until 2 years ago I stopped driving all together because of my obsessions. Well I finally went back to therapy about 3 months ago and am working with a therapist that has been honest with me about the reality of OCD and the hard work it will take to resume things like driving, leaving my house, and going back to work. I’ve been really putting in the work this time and doing what my therapist recommends for me.
I can now say that I’ve driven for the first time in 2 years! It wasn’t far but it’s a huge step for me. I’m so happy to be making progress. This feels like a big victory and move back towards independence.
|
OCD
|
Man I’m high and these thought won’t stop I’m scared man it feels real, it feels real and I keep having instant false memories of me enjoying them, I’m pleading for help it won’t stop I can’t breathe man please help me
|
OCD
|
I am an amateur writer with a long standing love for the medium and a new found (last year or two) love for the minutiae of what makes the medium compelling. Basically, I love writing, love thinking about it, and everything comes quite naturally . . . Except the follow through needed to write. I recently wrote 5000 words in a single consecutive story by using a new strategy where I didn't concern myself with quality and instead focused on getting something, anything down on the page to edit later. I took a very short break due to being sick and failed to pick the rhythm back up after. It's been about a month now . . . But all that's just context. I was hoping other creatively ambitious autistics like me could give me tips and share their creative process to help give me a better perspective on things. Collective experience can be a powerful force, and I truly love writing. When I do do it, it leaves me smiling every morning (my preferred writing time) and lessens anxiety and helps me feel good about myself. I just . . . Can't seem to reliably find the will . . . Maybe it's pathetic, but even if it is, and I just have to suck it up and do it anyways, I would still love to hear other people's processes in these things, especially if they're like me. That information can be very valuable, and give me new ideas and avenues to explore
|
aspergers
|
Throwaway Account.
**Trigger Warning: Domestic/Sexual Abuse**
When I was 18, I entered an incredibly abusive relationship. There were red flags around, but I was in a very emotionally low point in my life and I ignored them. Anything for some company, right?
This is where the trigger warning comes into effect:>! He raped me, repeatedly. He wasn't violent in the sense of throwing punches, but he was aggressive and he did what he needed to do physically to get what he wanted out of me sexually.!< It was a horribly nightmarish part of my life. I often kick myself in hindsight for not leaving - I had so many opportunities to. But I know it's important to not blame myself. I'm working on getting a therapist, I have one in my sights, but I'm pretty certain I have some lingering PTSD from this time in my life.
Anyway, I stayed in this relationship for 18 months. When I was 20, I started dating my now fiance. He is a wonderfully kind, loving man and we are very happy together (me a 23F and him a 28M). The current problem I am experiencing, however, is that my sexual identity has been completely stripped from me by my abusive ex-boyfriend. I love my fiance and I do find him attractive, but almost in a completely non sexual way.
I don't think it's a sexual orientation thing, because my first relationship ever (as a 15F) was with my highschool boyfriend (15M) and we were very emotionally intense ("I love you with all my heart and soul, you're my everything, we're gonna get married, I'd die for you" etc. You know how it is at that age). I was very physically attracted to him and had no problem expressing it. The biggest problem with him was that he was controlling and a complete emotional terrorist. The good times with him were intoxicatingly good, and as hormone-ridden teenagers we fooled around a lot but we never had penetrative sex. The bad times were BAD - he'd threaten to kill himself if I left, he tried to keep me out of advanced classes because he said I wouldn't be able to handle it, he was weirdly close with all of his female friends and made me feel crazy or jealous whenever I tried to talk to him about it.
This all connects to the reason why I'm posting here, I promise.
So, to sum up, I used to healthily identify as heterosexual (or at least demisexual, in the sense that I don't usually feel attraction to someone until I develop deep feelings for them). My fiance and I haven't had any kind of successful sexual relations in over a year, and we've given up on even trying (because I panic). Our relationship is suffering, I feel immensely guilty, and I am confused about my sexual identity which is incredibly frustrating for me. I haven't felt a pure physical attraction to my fiance, or even anyone, in years and I feel like a part of me is missing.
Now, I am an actor in a community theatre play. I have to kiss and "canoodle" my scene partner, like, 8 times in this show. Normally this wouldn't bother me, because physically romantic interactions are just so clinical for me now.
However... I find this dude SO attractive! It's so strange, since we started working on the romance scenes, my stomach is all fluttery whenever I look at him. I keep giggling during the intimate moments on stage and I haven't even kissed him yet! I feel like I'm 15 again and holding my boyfriend's hand for the first time. As a person, he's pretty cool - nothing particularly special to me, so I'm not worried about falling in love with him or anything, I love my fiance very much and he is no doubt the only one for me. But damn, this guy is reintroducing me to my long lost sexual identity and I feel like I am somehow cheating on my fiance for simply noticing these feelings.
The next day, at my day job, a handsome young man came in for a meeting with one of my coworkers and I found myself simply admiring his physical features... I am *so* not used to looking at people like this and it's freaking me out.
The worst part is, I seem to be finding attraction in people that *aren't* my fiance. I truly am attracted to him, but it's in a loving way, a safe way, a way that makes me feel at home. There's no lust there, on my end. And I feel like a monster for it, because as a heterosexual man he has needs that I am not fulfilling at all.
Maybe I've subconsciously learned to remove the love from sexual attraction, and that's possibly why I'm finding it in people that are not my fiance? I don't know. But I have all these feelings of lust and guilt and I feel like a teenager going through puberty again, which I gotta say is something I definitely do not want to revisit.
I don't know how to handle this.
|
ptsd
|
Hey y'all. I just wanted to vent on here. I have had OCD for a while now, but I only had begun to take notice at the beginning of the pandemic. I am constantly scared/worried of catching COVID or getting sick from the flu, and I am especially worried about making my family sick. Every time I touch something (ex. doorknob, something that falls on the floor) or if I shake someone's hand, I will either wash my hands or use hand sanitizer. I feel so upset with myself especially since when I start a job again or enter a relationship, I feel that I will be judged by others who don't understand this issue. I try to avoid the news and watching anything disease-oriented (ex. HIV, cancer), but my fears get the best of me. I try not to care what others think, but I have tried to overcome my OCD, and yet, I have had minimal success. I wish there was a way that I could just stop being afraid. I hope y'all are doing okay and I wish you the best in your future endeavors. I will continue to fight this horrible monster called OCD. Thanks for reading.
|
OCD
|
Does anyone move their fingers to the sounds of music verses! This is weird to explain but it has to land on a certain finger for me to stop!? Just wondering if anyone is also familiar!
|
OCD
|
My intrusive thoughts surrounding shopping are always at an all time high, I think it’s because of the permanence of the object I guess but I was wondering if anyone else suffers from this?
|
OCD
|
Hey all!
I heard some good things about it’s effectiveness against OCD and so I’d be willing to give it a try. How do you use this supplement, and how do you dose it. Is it like you take it a month on and then see how you fair off it after?
Thanks so much!
|
OCD
|
TLDR;
How can we as a school accomedate YOU?
- and in what direction should we influence/educate the employers (of our students) we work with?
So, I manage to get my self hired as a teacher at a technical college, which is just as random as it sounds. I'll be teaching math and physics at a highschool level. As it is the students are at school 4-12 weeks at a time and will spend the remainder time working in the field as apprentices.
We educate electricians, electronic technicians etc. The educations takes about 4 years to finnish in total.
Math is kind of a trauma subject for a lot of people. Especially those who attend here. The students we have range from the ages of 17 to 50 and a lot of them struggle with school and to say that I relate to a lot of them is an understatement. Though those who show symptoms, probaly won't have a diagnosis even if they fulfill the criteria for one and will continue to fly under or way above the radar without ever getting help or accomedations needed.
Now, the absolute coolest thing about this gig is that my boss desperately wants to make this a better learning enviorment for everyone but especially for those who might otherwise struggle because of dyxlexia, ADHD etc. He has the means and power but lacks the "how".
I've been extremely open and blunt about my own ADHD from the get go as well.
But I need your help guys!
I have a genuine oportunity to do some major change here. Not just to my own classroom and my own school trauma wont cut it for experience alone.
So, what would have helped you?
What did you wish from your teachers, from the school administration, from your classmates, from the material you had to work with and how you worked with it?
What would you have changed if you could?
What did you need from your work enviorment?
For that matter, what do you need from your employer?
|
ADHD
|
Given everything that’s happening in the world I thought I’d share my list of easy to use and easy to access mental health resources. Please feel free to add others you find particularly useful.
This isn’t a list of charities, organisations or support groups. I think it’s relatively easy to find the phone numbers for various helplines relating to mental health should you need them. Instead, I wanted to list some of the resources I’ve used to help me manage my mental health over this turbulent year and maintain good psychological hygiene.
There’s so many resources, worksheets, portals and websites about mental health online that it can be a bit overwhelming. I’ve tried so many different resources over the last year and I still feel like I’ve seen only a tiny fraction.
That said, here are some I feel are the easiest to use and most helpful. I’m a bit biased towards cognitive behavioral therapy approaches so this may be less relevant if that isn’t your preference. I also find the Calm app helpful but didn’t include it in the list since you need to pay to access the main benefit.
Without further ado:
[Mood Self Assessment](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mood-self-assessment/)\- This questionnaire is really good at gauging roughly where you’re at and then pointing you to helpful resources based on your answers.
[Catch it](https://www.liverpool.ac.uk/csd/app-directory/catch-it/) \- A simple free mood tracker and diary app based on cognitive behavioral therapy principles. It doesn’t try to overcomplicate anything. Especially helpful for recording anxious thoughts.
[Cove](https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/cove-music-for-mental-health/id1020256581) \- Helps you express emotions through music. It’s like a music mood diary. Sounds quite unusual but is helpful to people who struggle to express themselves. Still needs work but cool idea.
[Iona](http://get-iona.web.app/) \- App that walks you through cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness exercises. Much more engaging than reading articles or worksheets and easy to use.
[Mind](https://www.mind.org.uk/) \- A great aggregator and portal of mental health resources. One of the most helpful features is it lets you select what you need help with and it directs you to useful resources.
[What’s Up](https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/whats-up-a-mental-health-app/id968251160) \- This is a good one stop shop if you’re looking for something to give you immediate relief. It certainly puts substance over style but provides clear and helpful information.
[Mind Shift](https://www.anxietycanada.com/resources/mindshift-cognitive%20behavioural%20therapy%20/) \- Free app based on cognitive behavioural therapy with user friendly design. Aimed at people looking to reduce symptoms of anxiety.
|
ptsd
|
Pre OCD all I can remember is being go with the flow and relaxed. Now I can’t go 20 minutes without anxiety or fear. Man I miss the days where I could actually enjoy my life and not fear every second.
|
OCD
|
hey folks. Aspie + ADHD + PTSD here
my life sucks. everything about it. I get stupid anxiety when I want to do even simplest social interactions possible. I got mugged 2 times simply because I look like rich people, which is bulshit since I'm officialy broke. I'm 23 and still living with my parents. my income is so low that I can barely buy the simple things I want to buy at the end of the month.
today one of my relatives found a big job opportunity for me and the Boss actually liked me alot, but I didnt. not just the boss, everything about not being in my room makes me super uncomfortable. I wasted 6 years of my life studying in a university field that I hate. I just got graduated recently, I could see the disappointment in my parents eyes when I told them im not taking the big job opportunity today. tbh, I've even disappointed myself.
All I do is watch meaningless Tv shows and play video games, Only work occasionally from home to just be able to pay for my internet and video games. I dont get money from my dad at all tho, we both hate each other.
have a super fucked up social life. every friend I had since school moved on with their lives and started making money. I'm the only one that is miserably left out. I have an autistic friend who is earning money, even tho he has as half talent as I do so I dont blame it all on my ND biology
​
there's nothing I want from this life but death. tried to commit suicide several times before I got diagnosed (i got selfdiagnosed about 8 months ago) and I was even so coward to do that.
at this point of my life (or any other points of my life, I usualy busy myself with bullcrap medias so I dont think about it) I feel there's no hope. I'm gonna end up a stupid dork, with no friends and money. just a piece of meat that consumes food and oxygen to stay alive
|
aspergers
|
Sorry if this seems trivial, but in the last few years I've found that some video games have helped divert my obsessions and even compulsions.
​
I bring this up now because I just finished a game called Hellblade which is based around mental illness/awareness (even had a (mental health advisor" in the credits). It's beautiful and haunting and I was wondering if anyone else has played it, and if so how you felt about it?
​
Wishing all of you peace and comfort
|
OCD
|
I'm a 15-year-old female. I come from a low-class family with 2 mentally ill mothers, one of them being an alcoholic. I'm diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and suspected by my therapist and psychiatrist of having BPD. I feel like shit. I woke up yesterday with the inclination to ignore my best friend. I ignored her all day yesterday, which felt good and bad. I ignored her all day today, too. She didn't do anything wrong, I just felt like I needed to. I also hate that she has other friends. I hate that all my friends have other friends. I hate that even the girl I only talk to because she's in my class has other friends. I'm tired. Like really really tired. I sat down at my lunch table with my friends and purposely didn't say a word to them to see what they'd say. They said nothing. I have to have dinner with them in a few days and sleepover. I don't want to go, but they will probably all talk shit about me if I don't go. I feel like they're getting really tired of me. Everyone does. I come into people's lives and make them more exciting. It's always because I'm "so crazy" or "the funniest person ever". But after a while, people just get sick of the same old shit. And I feel like I'm in that phase again. I wish my friends all loved me and only me. On-body else. I'm really tired and confused. My stomach hurts thinking about how tired I am. I stopped taking my meds again, so that might be it. I truly hate everybody around me, but I hate that they don't love me. It hurts really bad. Is there a way to make my friends love me more than anybody in the world? Because I need that right now. I really want it.
|
depression
|
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