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I am writing this down in an attempt to find advice and people with a similar experience.
Just as a sidenote, I did see a therapist and have been diagnosed with complex PTSD but unfortunately my therapist left the praxis.
As I am hinting with the title of this post my issue is "the trauma of existing". I have been through a lot and I am still not through, things feel like they will never get better for me and I'm bound to be unfortanate. I am not going too deep into the issues but to sum them up it ranges from an unloving family to more than one case of sexual assault, bullying and near death experiences.
Though all of this was horrible I feel like the core of all of this lies in being alive as strange as it sounds.
I'm one of those kids that came out of an unwanted teen pregnancy and it feels like ever since I was born things just went bad though that's the last thing I'd want-I want others to be happy around me but I attract hatred for some reason.
To me it seems like a weird thing to say or even asked but can you be traumatized by merely existing?
I'm sorry if this doesn't fit in here but I felt the need to spill some of my thoughts here.
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ptsd
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I don't know who I am anymore. All the time I spent managing my illness and living a healthy fulfilling life has gone out the window, the past few weeks have been arguably the worst. No matter how hard I try I can't stop overthinking, I've lost control of my thoughts and in the process I have become my own worst enemy. I'm in a dark place right now and I'm no longer the person I once was, but hopefully one day that person will come again.
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OCD
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Yup this is it, this made me realise it all and I’m actually done lol, I’m ending this shitty life. I saw an animation of something I thought to be a woman with a big butt and I masturbated to it and saw the comments saying it was actually a he, I went back to check it because of OCD and I still felt some sort of arousal and I tried to call it false arousal but it’s not because I was able to be aroused by it before. I’m a fucking liar, this must have been what I was doing the whole time, so I was just in denial, all those false attractions were real, I just exposed myself, so this is the end
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OCD
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Hi, I was hoping the community here could help me in figuring things out a little better. My partner got officially diagnosed with severe ADHD a couple months back. They're always kind and sweet to me, but recently I've noticed that they check in on me less and less, and seem a lot more out of it whenever we're talking. There are some things that they do that make me feel as if they're ignoring me or doesn’t care as much about me as I do them. They used to be very very affectionate, like messaging me very often to tell me they love me and just ask about my day or what I'm doing etc. (We haven't been able to meet up very often due to Covid.) But lately they don't do that anymore, and seem to forget about me when we're not interacting. They don't check their texts for hours at a time, and don't carry conversation like they used to, to the point that I feel annoying trying to talk to them because I'm always the one having to find something to talk about.
I don't think it's because they're in a bad place mentally, because they seem totally fine around other people. For context, we both met in the same friend group, and we play games together pretty often. They're always so animated and happy talking to the other friends, and it's so jarring to see how differently they act when they're just around me. I guess it might be because the rest of the group is really hyper fixated on the game, and I just play casually because I enjoy doing things that involve my partner. But they used to give me an equal amount of attention, it's just only recently they've seemed to kick me out of the equation and only focus on those games. They can remember every single rule, every single bit of lore and every little nuance from the game, but they forgot things I thought meant something to them, like recently I asked if they still had a present I made for them for their birthday, and they told me they had completely forgotten about it.
I'll look back on old conversations and see where they messaged me more often, more quickly compared to now and I think “Oh, they've lost interest in me”. The last time I tried to bring this up to them, I told them that I felt like I didn't mean anything to them anymore because they don't answer my texts as often and seemed to be much more interested in other things, to the point that I feel ignored, then they told me that sometimes they fall asleep, they forget to reply or they just don't see the text. Then they said they were sorry and would try harder, but... things haven't really changed. It seemed like the next day they totally forgot about the whole conversation.
I want to add that i’m a very anxious and needy person. So me being anxious, mixed with their communication skills not being the best doesn’t help. But I am not looking for a way out of this relationship. I don’t see their lack of communication skills as a reason to stop dating them. I truly love him but when the communication through the phone lacks (when i know they've been on their phone doing other stuff, whether it's talking to other people or playing games) it sends me into a spiral of “Do they actually love me?” “If they did, wouldn’t they want to message me throughout the day?” It's just a never-ending cycle, until they finally message me and I obsess over that one text for hours until the high wears off.
They really mean the entire world to me, and I love them with all my heart. I feel like I should be taking one for the team here and just giving them some leeway/room to breathe by not holding them to the same standards I would a neurotypical partner. But I just can't help but feel hurt, especially since they weren't always this way. I don't feel good every time they occasionally message me "I love you" because I don't feel like it's true, even if they did love me, it's not in a way I understand.
Is there any way I can have a healthy conversation with them about how I feel? I'm either worried that they might feel overly burdened and stressed because they don't have a great emotional capacity, or that they would just forget the whole conversation like they did previously. I don't know how to summarise this properly, so it would be really appreciated if someone could read through the whole thing and give me some advice on how to handle this. Thanks.
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ADHD
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i was stabbed really bad like 5 years ago my intestines came out and now my day to day life im afraid of everything i trust no one just ppl ive already known family and good friends it makes it hard to live What the fuck should i do is their any proper medication like im scared to do everyday shit i cant keep doing this shit its killing me i just wanna be normal again
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ptsd
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After dealing with my ocd for nearly a year I finally decided to do something about it, for starters I started talking to myself yes I k ow it sounds odd but its alright, I talked to myself and usually got myself to stay quiet, I starting hanging out with my friends more often and my mind usually calms down with my friends since I'm so preoccupied it is much better today and I'm glad, it may come back with full force in the future and I'll deal with it then again. I hope everyone here recovers emisnley good luck.
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OCD
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Hey,
Posting this from a throwaway; sorry if this post is inappropriate for here. I'm curious if someone here has similar feelings to me or perhaps any advice for me.
Whenever I masturbate, intentional (which I try to avoid), or unintentional (wet dream), my OCD thinks that everything I touch after that will become "contaminated". If I wake up from a wet dream, I have to not only clean the sheets, but also all things in my room.
Another thing is that whenever I masturbate my OCD tells me not to do any things I enjoy for that day and the days after that. I'm scared that if I do whatever I consider fun normally (video games, going out, ...) shortly after, my OCD takes note of it and reminds me every time I do that thing again, preventing me from having fun from that thing ever again. I am not religious, but my head thinks that masturbating is disrespectful in a way.
If I would ignore my OCD after masturbating that day, when I would play a video game on the same day, the save file, or even the whole game for that matter, would get "contaminated", preventing me from having fun ever again, at least according to my OCD. And that thought alone is preventing me from having fun.
This gets worse if it happens on a special day, think about national holidays or maybe the date a movie or game came out. I'm fearing that those days will become ruined for me that way.
Then there's also the cleaning itself: even after washing my hands for 10+ times they still feel disgusting, even if they are literally washed to the point where the skin is red and painful. And this extends to my whole body: even after doing a full wash with soap, I still feel that my body is dirty.
**I am curious to see if multiple people here have similar symptoms related to this, and how you managed to deal with them.**
PS: I am trying to get professional help, but I'm not sure how I am even supposed to bring this subject up. It's not the nicest subject to talk about, compared to other (more well known?) OCD symptoms, so to speak.
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OCD
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i was roobed at knife point more than 2 years ago and everytime i hear a sudden loud sound i am jumpy. how do i fix this please help.what kind of treatment may i start. living with this thing is annoying. especially since it happened 2 years ago. are there any online therapy groups that i can use to help my self
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ptsd
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for a quick example if you dont know what i mean, the other day my eyesight was a little blurry and then (like usual i got some stupid thought) i started overthinking and believed i had terminal cancer. i was just sitting there thinking about it, and in my head i played out me going to the doctors and getting told i have it, texting my friends goodbye, etc. and in that moment i genuinely believed i had done those things and they had played out. i know getting the thoughts that something bad happened (in this case, having terminal cancer) is normal, but do other people also get them where you think you’ve done actual activities and parts of it?
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OCD
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To people with OCD, especially those who fear a specific act or action, do you ever get scared because it feels like you are open to the possibility like you'd let it happen in your life? I fear cuckoldry for the last 4.5 months but it feels like I'd be okay with engaging in it, which is giving me the fear. It just feels like I can engage in cuckoldry, like it's a possibility I'll allow, idk why this is happening to me. Like it's a possibility and I'm not repulsed by it, like I'd allow it, omfg this is scary.
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OCD
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Numbers have always been part of my ocd and I wanted to get my favourite one tattooed on me. I want this bc when I see the number I feel calm and content, and even if I grow out of ocd and numbers mean nothing to me one day, the tattoo will remind me of the huge part of my life that they once were. However my mom doesn’t want me to get the small tattoo in case it makes me more obsessed and makes my ocd worse. Just wanted some other opinions on this, What do you guys think?
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OCD
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I have ADHD and for a long time I was on Concerta but I ended up having addiction problems (overtaking my concerta, alcohol abuse, etc). I’m sober now and for the most part able to maintain things currently although it’s exhausting trying to stay on top of everything going on in my life.
However, I’m looking into going back to school for coding and I honestly don’t think I can do it without help (aka medication).
Has anyone with past addiction issues been able to go back on meds without abusing them? Or if you went into a field that requires a high level of attention, have you been successful without meds?
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ADHD
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So my brain works best by staying busy, like inertia - if I always have deadlines, then I'm always working which means I get work done and it's a lot easier to switch between same types of work (sometimes to the point where I'll use that to procrastinate, like writing a research paper - I'll keep researching the topic and find more articles to read until my tab bar thing looks like the edge of a stack of papers and then never actually read them).
Conversely, if my next deadline is a few days away, I'll end up procrastinating until an hour before it's due (vs being able to start on that task right after I turn in an assignment)
This past semester, for this reason, I ended up taking 27 credit hours and working 30 hours a week, and the last project was a research paper that was supposed to be 5 pages that I turned into 24 (oops). So my brain has kinda been mush, watching netflix because schools out, but also that inertia has been making me incredibly restless brain-wise (I also finished a series and Idk what else to watch --I also impulse spent $85 on an 8-book set). And so I started writing, and decided to do some research
And then realized that I'm researching the meaning of life and purpose because I'm bored
Anyway, spoiler alert: the consensus on the internet says it's 42.
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ADHD
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When I went to my school to get free therapy for "social anxiety" (the only thing they're really qualified to counsel on, despite my symptoms and trauma being a lot more consistent with PTSD) I didn't really get a chance to tell my story because my therapist wanted to focus on specific social interactions and how I handled them, not WHY I handled them the way i do.
In our last appointment, i got very real about why i have walls up. I don't want to go into detail because I don't want to trigger anyone but it was bleak. After a 10 minute very angry rant about how shit the world is he said he thinks I'm someone who can't be helped. He spent 10 minutes trying to backtrack that comment, saying he meant "I can't be helped unless I'm willing to change" (dude I'm in therapy willingly) but I still feel like shit.
It's been 2 weeks. I cancelled my next appointment with him. I'm not sure if I should go back, or try to find someone else. At this point if a professional thinks I can't be helped, I don't see the point in bothering another one. I don't know what to do now.
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ptsd
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Did anyone else develop social anxiety from having ADHD? I really suck at explaining things, and usually when I'm done explaining something people always make a confused face at what I just said. It's gotten to the point where I always finish every sentence of mine with "you know what I mean" or "if that makes sense," when I'm explaining things. I literally dread having to explain something and wish that I could just send a brain wave to theirs so that I don't have to explain anything. It's just so draining and I always skip out on having very important conversations simply because I don't want to explain my situation, such as explaining an illness to a doctor or telling my friends why I'm upset. I eventually started avoiding situations like those simply because 1) I'm too lazy and 2)I don't want to deal with the humiliation from them being confused.
Are there ways I can combat this?
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ADHD
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No one wants to help.
My psychiatrist didnt want to help.
My previous therapist didnt want to help.
My GP doesnt want to help.
The government doesnt want to help.
Every AD I've tried does nothing.
So I get to the point where I have no option but to resort to taking illicit substances to manage.
I'm just so fed up man, I don't really know how much longer I can do this. Life is just a relentless cycle of existing under forced conditions.
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depression
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In your personal experience is it normal to have physical symptoms and maybe PGAD from PTSD?
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ptsd
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Is your father your abuser?
Do you question it? Do you think it’s all in your head? Do you wonder what is reality and what isn’t? Why does my body have such a giant reaction to the thought of him and his presence?
Suffering.
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ptsd
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I have always been a good student no matter how mentally I’ll I am. I was put into school late which heavily impacted my grades. My mom got mad at me even after explaining my grades won’t stay that way and why they were that way. She told me I would never make it into medical school, and would never be able to pursue my dream career. My own parent don’t even believe in my future anymore, why should I? I just disappoint my parents, my best is never enough for them. I just want to complete my goals in life, planning my entire life is what has been keeping me alive so I have something to look forward to, but now my mom is saying none of it will ever happen. My life has no meaning if I won’t be able to have a career that I enjoy. I hate it here.
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depression
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Hey, I have a question. So, I don’t have PTSD, but one of my friends claims to have it, despite no medical diagnosis. See, last year, a kid called her fat. It was a terrible thing to say, what a jerk, right? And I really do empathize with her. But now she’s claiming to have PTSD from the word fat. I think it’s disrespectful to be saying something like that when she isn’t even diagnosed and doesn’t have any PTSD symptoms except maybe having a bad experience related to that word. So, is she being disrespectful or am I just too sensitive?
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ptsd
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I take zoloft and I get these weird sensations every so often that is almost like a zap or dizziness that lasts like 1 second. I'm wondering if its because of my meds or just because I am an anxious person? Anyone have this?
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OCD
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My grades aren’t great. One of my teachers won’t let me turn in late work anymore. I feel like shit 24/7, my “friends” barely talk to me anymore. The online friends I’ve tried to make all ghost me. And I’m generally having a pretty shit time. The worst part is I can’t talk to anyone about how bad it is or I’ll be sent to the psych ward and I don’t wanna deal with that
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depression
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What business degree would you all suggest that plays to the strengths of most ADHD brains?
Is data science a big no, for example?
What business units do adhd peeps tend to excel in?
Any particular areas of business thats way too toxic for the average ADHDer?
I would love to hear everyone's thoughts and two cents.
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ADHD
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I literally can’t do any online shopping without going into a spiral when checking out. My OCD kicks into overdrive and I have to check and recheck relentlessly that my address is correct or that when I scrolled down the page to confirm my order that my items haven’t miraculously changed into ones I don’t want?? Or that if I get the wrong item/size I will never be able to return it because the store staff will be angry with me (???? I know), or it will get lost in the mail, etc. It takes me usually 30+ minutes to confirm my order or half of the time I can’t actually get myself to place the order entirely because I’m so scared I have done something wrong in the checkout process....
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OCD
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the first time i took 10mg SR, i felt calm and more motivated to do things. But today is 3rd day, and it's not the same. is it possible i have built tolerance for 10mg SR?
past 2 days, i consumed 10mg X 2(morning, afternoon), not much difference from how i used to be without stimulants. same shit again. Like all the Ritalin was lost in a black hole along with my money. or was it a placebo?
I also consume Caffeine, 2 -3 cups, black filtered. Is it blocking Ritalin? Should i quit it?
I am 30 yr old, 65Kgs, should i up the dosage to 20mg?
**NOTE: i have also started on fluoxetine (Generic prozac) 10mg for anxiety and ocd. Could it be interfering with Ritalin?**
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ADHD
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Hey there, r/ADHD. Long time lurker first time poster.
My boyfriend and I have a pretty good relationship (and by that I mean it’s basically perfect). Recently, my boyfriend said that I can come off as apathetic to certain things he wants to do. We went to a store today, and everything was new and overwhelming. I didn’t mean to, but I wound up sucked into my brain and staying quiet most of the time we were there. I didn’t return the excited energy he gave me and it hurt his feelings.
This store was somewhere he wanted to go, and I feel bad that I shrugged his emotions off. I think the majority of the apathy was being overwhelmed by the lights and sounds. It’s not ok and I need to figure out how to prevent this kind of thing from happening.
We’ve since spoken about it and made up, I’m just curious as to if you’ve ever had similar things happen? Any tips? I feel a little alone right now thinking back on it :/
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ADHD
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I was thinking and came to the conclusion that I was never happy. I'm 25 years old and I have no idea what it's like to be happy. I grew up suffering from shyness and anxiety and this has shaped me over time. I am currently an insecure and unhappy person. I try to think that one day I will find happiness, but as time goes on, I realize it's impossible.
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depression
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Do any of you ever have an experience where you have a really hard time “accessing your thoughts?” Or like knowing what you are thinking and putting it into coherent sentences on the spot? I think it has to do with self-doubt/invalidation in a way, but sometimes I go through periods where I have such a hard time articulating my thoughts, or even knowing what they are... it feels like my brain is completely frozen to the point that I don’t have access to my authentic thoughts and opinions. I also feel like I have been SO afraid this will happen during every social interaction, which kind of leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of me losing my words because I am so afraid I will lose my words, kind of like a panic attack.
Does anyone have any tips on how to get over myself?
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aspergers
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im sitting in my car alone , crying this time because i almost missed my brother growing up . he’s four and means the world to me even though i see him maybe once a week . i had my suicide planned out last month . had it planned for over a year . i feel so lost , so upset all the time . but i’d miss the kid so much
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depression
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hi all im (21) idk what to say really this this happened idk how long ago maybe 2 hours i cant tell but she broke up with. my bestfriend broke up with me and now im devastated she was everything to me but my adhd got in the way. tiny things - from accidently interrupting and then apologizing in the same interruption i messed this up i feel it
i have being born with ADHD it sucks and i wish i was never born with it its not fair! why did I have to be born with this having so many problems i hate it i hate it all
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ADHD
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I’ve had major problems with concentrating and memory loss when on antidepressants.
I’ve been to therapy recently but since then I’ve gotten worse again and lost my job (as a direct result of depression because I can’t function normally atm).
Trying to get back to a place where I can work again and was wondering if anyone had gone through something similar and knew any alternatives/other methods?
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depression
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I have tried plenty of SSRI's (Sertraline, Fluoxetine, Paroxetine, Escitalopram) and all I remember was they simply made me apathetic. When I would start a new one I would think my anxiety was getting slighly reduced, but then I'd have ruminating thoughts - these never went away - on whether it was the meds finally working or just a placebo effect from my wishful thinking... Eventually, the anxiety and depression would rebound and I'd feel discouraged and eventually stop taking the meds...
Still on my experience with SSRI's. Around work colleagues - I have no friends - I'd simply not know how to react when they tried approaching me, either to let off some steam, tell me about their troubles or just trying to know more about me. I'd simply retort with a grunt or say something that would immediately kill the conversation. I work at a restaurant, and I hazily remember when a client started choking on a small bone - or just a small piece of meat, he was a debilitated elderly man - instead of rushing to help him I froze and in my head simply rose curiosity to see where this was going. I had never seen a person grasping at their life. I rationalized that someone would certainly help the man eventually, so I just watched and studied his expressions, listened to his bellows. It felt like watching one of those wildlife documentaries, but instead of watching an animal in his final moments, it was another person!! Of course someone rushed and helped the guy, thankfully! I never wished for him to die, but if he did I'd surely have to watch the whole thing.
I also remember having to force tears when I learned one of my coworkers had been diagnosed with cancer, even if I had no problem bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night whenever I was trying to sleep and my brain was racing 1000 miles/hour, brimming with ruminant thoughts and a wave of desperation would eventually take over me. I didn't even know how to touch another person. I had thoughts of hugging her - I actually liked her, she was always cracking jokes and dancing around the kitchen - but I simply didn't know how to engage her, what words to use and when and if I should invade her personal space to hug her.
Moving on. Telling my psychiatrist about episodes similar to these (I didn't tell him about these specific ones, due to them being quite dark and I didn't want him thinking I'm a psychopath - I obsess over what others might think of me so I'm constantly over-analyzing other people's body language, the words and tone they choose when addressing me), he said that maybe my problem was me being too scattered, lack of focus/concentration. And so he put me on Ritalin (the long-acting one).
The effects (or side-effects) were insane. I was no longer feeling as apathetic. I actually craved human connection and was very talkative (I would blurt out things as they came without a second thought which led to me saying inappropriate things and starting to stutter uncontrollably - which I already did, but now was doing more often, since I was talking more).
But with that also came an excessive libido, and raging arousal down there. The craving for connection paired with the overblown libido and tempered with my inability to socialize led me to go on a rampage of casual sex (it´s not that hard to find shallow hook-ups on social networks created for that end). I would do anyone I could find. It was all I could think about, even during work and I was getting desperate. I eventually removed all social networks from my smartphone and that helped slow me down. Regarding my concentration, it helped just a bit. It felt like my brain had gotten a "RAM memory" upgrade. It felt good at first but eventually just ended feeling like having more space to process even more ruminant thoughts. As always, ended up dropping Ritalin cold turkey.
Yes, I want to connect with others but what I want the most is getting back (even if just a fraction) of my intelligence from when I was a kid. I was a good student (went to college but dropped out amidst a severe depression), but now I can barely memorize two consecutive orders at work. The moment I focus on the second order, the first vanishes completely or partially most of the time. I have to write every single thing at work, which slows me down... and people notice it and sometimes prick me with it. I love reading, but I'm a terribly slow reader (I often have to reread to check if I didn't miss a single word or if I read with the proper tone - admiration, questioning, surprise...). And despite all that my vocabulary fails me. I feel like I struggle to expand my vocabulary no matter what kind of books/articles I read. I'm certain I even forget words I'm pretty sure I read or looked up before. The moment I want to use them, they vanish from my mind!
And we arrive at the present time. I told my psychiatrist about this (minus the sex rampage) and he said we were going to try something more "unorthodox"... He put me on Bupropion. I questioned him if it wasn't normally used to complement other medications to counter their side effects. He said there was no need to take something else (specifically SSRI's, since after trying several of them, none seemed effective long term).
As of today, I'm nearing the end of my fourth week on Bupropion and I feel no changes other than the good old apathy creeping back. Does it take long to feel any of its positive effects? Should I keep expecting something out of it in the next weeks? What are your experiences with it? I'm so tired and desperate. I feel like my cognitive abilities are regressing every passing week. I'm dumb and have the memory of a fish. I don't want to be a genius. I just want to be able to put some effort into the things I do enjoy. Set some goals in life and actually put some work into attaining them! I feel like I'm in a limbo since I entered college (about 14 years, nearly half my life, down the drain!). Time passes me by, I'm getting old and I can't move forward. My brain won't let me think or plan stuff. I need to satisfy my obsessions in order to get a few minutes of respite, but soon enough they come back. Just as strong as before! All I want is to either enjoy my life and set goals for it or suffer a swift painless death! I dream many times at night of simply vanishing into dust. I fantasize of euthanasia being legalized where I live (we have a leftist, somewhat progressive government), even though at my age and with my sane physical health I most definitely wouldn't be given access to it. Just thinking of it brings me comfort, that maybe if I wait a few more years/decades and grow old (I'm used to being a spectator in life), I might get access to it and move forward on my own terms...
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OCD
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I swear my username was chosen by reddit, I had nothing to do with it. kinda wish I could change that to something less dumb sounding but yeah that wasn't me I promise.
TL;DR 1 look back on my track record of my life and I can honestly say I just want it all to stop because I know it won't ever get any better, I will always be alone, unemployed, crippled and in pain, and never happy. I've completely given up and I want to die but I'm too afraid yet I see no reason to keep going other then being there for my father and best friend.
I know this will be long, but please read it if you've come this far.
I don't really know where to begin here, I guess I will start with the thing that's causing the most disaster in my life and that's that I've been living with osteo-arthritis now for 10 years, diagnosed when I was 25. Imagine that, a 25yrs old walking around with a cane like a complete tool, and its only gotten worse sense then. everywhere I go I can feel people's eyes looking at me trying to figure out what's wrong with my leg, it has completely ruined my life. I can't find work, I've been unemployed now for 10 years, can't even get a desk job because its advanced to being in my damn hands too, just typing this up is going to hurt. worse still is that that isn't even the least of my health problems, sleep apnea/insomnia, nasal pollyps, oral thrush that I can't get rid of because of my dentures, swelling and pain in my hands and legs that even the specialist can't identify what is causing that, a stomach ulcer that almost killed me last year, low testoscerone that I take injections for bi-weekly, and I'm sure I'm forgetting others. not to mention false teeth that cause me to lisp, got them 13yrs or so back. when I was a kid my psycho mother left my dad and forced me, my brother and sister to join her for a year and among many other horrible things that should never be done to kids she never bought tooth paste for that whole time, I never recovered until a quack dentist said it was time to yank them, got some poorly made ones put in as an adult when I could finally afford it, and then found out a few years later that they never should've been pulled in the first place and could've been salvaged. My arthritis hurts all the time, and my other issues cause discomfort and embarrass me and I can't do a damn thing about any of them.
As you might be able to guess, these health issues feed into the real problems that cause me to fall further into depression. I can't get work because no one will hire me and the health concerns stop me from being in any way useful which has caused me to just plummet into debt, my father has even more issues then me and I'm trying to help him out as best as I can by being there for him, making meals, doing the daily shopping, and keeping track of what he needs but I can't do it alone and my brother and sister couldn't give a shit less. the debt has caused me and my dad to go to them for financial help and it causes a fight every single time, resulting in them giving us just enough to get through the month but no further and no help with the bills despite my asshole brother living here too and working full time. I've applied for disability insurance but now the doctors forms cost $150 and I don't even have that much available, so I can't get the ball rolling on it either. can't go on welfare because they also require those same forms apparently, and neither are even a guarantee that they will help us when they do go through the process. I don't know what to do and I've completely given up on trying to find a way out because I can't cope anymore, this shits just weighing down my mind completely. I am not asking for financial help, just merely stating what is contributing to my current state of mind.
But it doesn't stop there either, I am un-datable, no woman on earth even looks at me with interest anymore. being unemployed I know is stopping me in my tracks as well, but mostly its because I walk around with a cane. I've been single for as long as I've been unemployed now, 10 years, and it is something that I can't stop thinking about. I've never felt so alone in my life, my relationships with my dad and friend Travis only do so much to fill the void of being completely alone. I haven't had sex in all that time either, which I only bring up to make the point that when I start in thinking about dating again that's where I force my mind to go as a kind of coping mechanism. I know that it is incredibly pathetic to think about only the sexual side of a relationship especially at my age right now, feels like being 17 again, but if I stop and think about how I'd give anything just to hold a woman in my arms again, a kiss, a date, a real lasting relationship, anything along those lines I start feeling like I want to kill myself because I know none of it will ever happen again. lately though that's what I have been thinking about a lot, the overall loneliness has crept back into my head, I'm picturing long conversations and kissing, and the feeling of having someone in ur life that you love, and I can't seem to stop myself. its completely idiotic, I know it can't happen so long as I'm unemployed and crippled, and there's no fixing those issues so I'm right back to suicide like a full on emo teenager (no offense to emo teenagers).
Arthritis has ruined my life and I can't cope with it anymore. there are other problems I face regularly, but these main issues; being an unemployable cripple, the debt that its causing, and being an undateable loser.
When I was a kid my parents divorce really messed me up, it was all the trademark things you'd expect from a 9yrs old in that situation; it was my fault, I blamed myself, I acted out a lot. high school wasn't much better, made a few friends but ultimately I was still very unhappy as are most teenagers. for those first few years after high school I thought things were turning around but then I dated someone who I really shouldn't have been for a few years, then next thing I know it was arthritis and everything that came after. I have never been happy truly, things kept turning my life to shit, sometimes it was my fault other times it was someone else's, but it keeps happening like that. why should I believe that my life or the life of my dad will ever improve? it won't, I know that for an absolute certainty now, I know for a fact that things will never get better for us, what's the point?
See the thing is, I can't bring myself to kill myself because of 2 things, my father and Travis, and the fact that I have no idea what's waiting for me on the other side. I'm agnostic, I don't know what happens after we die and I can't trust the word of anyone on that score because everyone that is alive right now isn't dead so how can anyone know? I know it sounds like I'm kidding but that's how I see it, and truth be told it scares the shit outta me. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either, even when I want to and right now I want to.
I'm going to apologize in advance if I don't respond to many comments, I have a hard time staying on this topic for a prolonged amount of time, but I will try to respond to as many as I can. I'd also like to apologize as I get the feeling that this was a more rambly rant that might not make much sense, I've never been very good at expressing things like this. I'm the rock of my family, I'm the guy that holds things together, but when I can't anymore it tends to just fall out of my face.
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depression
|
I've just recently finished reading Shadowhunters and i had a completely mental breakdown. I cried until there was no more water left in my body. My heart aches at the thought that that world i want to so badly live in isn't real. It physically hurts me. Ir feels like someone is craving a knife into my heart and soul and making a deep hollow whole.
This happens with an unfortunate frequency and it tends to have its highest when i finish a show or a book that i have gotten myself so emotionally attached.
My knees feel weak, they can no longer sustain my body. I fall with my hands covering my heart, it is painful and only those who have been in love with fictional characters, and yes i do mean in love, know how painful it is to bear such thing.
My face wet with salty tears. I'm a mess. I can feel him beside me but not really. His face is tender and his expression filled with compassion, i crave his touch more than anything in the world. But i can't have it. We are from different realities.
He places a hand on my back and i can feel it. I want to reach for it but if i do then i know it'll be gone. So i leave it there. My mind is playing tricks on me, but the sorrow i have is enough to cover up for that fact.
I might sound crazy to world outside these four walls, but i assure you, everyone is a little crazy. And look around you this reality, this timeline, the destruction, the chaos, the evil that this world carries. How and why would you possibly want to live here? I usually love chaos but not this one.
Humans have slaughtered almost every species on the planet, including their own. The planet is dying by the second and no one seems to care. Everyone is just so damn selfish.
No wonder kids these days have depression and anxiety. The world is ending, i am trying my best everyday to make this planet a better place but there's still so many things to be done and so little time.
I wonder sometimes. No. I wonder everyday, every second of my meaningless and dull life: what would if be like to like in a world where i could fight demons, kill vampires or become one of them, become a superhero, be part of a group of prisoners of a space ark. What would it be like to touch him and her and know they are real? To have them, to feel his arms around me as i fall asleep, to wake up and see his face staring back at mine.
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depression
|
Pursuing my education has been so difficult. I can't figure out how to manage time. I started medication for the first time this year and it was life-changing. Everything is easier, but I still feel like I’m running a marathon that never ends. I can't control my mind, it's frustrating. I always have a smile on my face when I’m not in school or working. I don't know why everything with a deadline is such a problem.
I am tired of hearing the same advice over and over again such as, "just get a planner and stick to it." Planning is easy for me, the problem is executing the plan. When the time comes to study or work, my mind shuts off. Thankfully medication has helped tremendously, but I still struggle with managing my time.
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ADHD
|
Yesterday I was playing the guitar outside my rehab when I saw someone and liked there style my brain said they were 16 okay so dont play guitar for them in a romantic way but I have a thing where my brain says not to and I do and I did then it said not to again and i did again as I'm battling myself in my own head I'm scared I'm stuck in my own bed and staff are gonna start screaming at me soon I dont know what to do
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OCD
|
I was diagnosed with ADHD some times ago and is now getting medical help. The thing is, I've always wanted to persue a career in the art industry but due to reason that is now obvious, I could never commit to it. Now that I'm receving medical help I wanted to give being professional artist another go, but I'm afraid that It's too late for my age to start from the ground up. On the other hand, I feel like if I don't do this, the thought of how many years I've wasted due to my Adhd will crush me completely. I guess I wasn't really looking for help, just want to vent off some pent up anxieties and frustration.
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ADHD
|
After a decade plus of managing anxiety and depression meds with primary care physicians, (cause my trip to see a psychiatrist early on was a disaster), and therapists, I finally decided to listen to my friends try seeing a psychiatrist again. Had a good long appointment, and he’s going to be reviewing some of the additional info and forms he had me send in and collect, but def seems to agree that ADHD might be on the table but missed as a kid since I was “academically gifted” and already an anxiety-ridden people-pleaser who found ways to keep my fidgeting and wandering attention corralled into behaviors that didn’t bother people around me (drawing in class, chewing pencils and fingers to bits, etc etc etc). The big thing he wants to see improvement on first is my sleep though so we’re giving Clonidine a try. I hadn’t heard of it before but hey! Reading up it seems like a possible good fit.
Sharing out of a hope this might provide some hope for improvement for anyone else who’s been in my position, suspicious about their mind but anxious af that they’re “making it up” or worried stimulants are the only option (I’m not opposed to trying them later, just agree that, yea, I gotta get sleeping better before I try that). I found this doc from a friends rec, and bless her and my other friend gently checking in and encouraging me to get everything in place to get the appointment. You can do it! 💖
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ADHD
|
I feel like shit. I want to kill myself but I know I probably won’t. I’m currently homeless, got 0$ to my name and am currently living with someone whom I have an extremely toxic relationship with. The worst part is I have to depend on this person in order to survive. I’m only 19, and the country that I live in isn’t exactly the safest so sleeping on the streets isn’t an option. I don’t know what to do anymore everything seems so hopeless. I just wish I could die and not have to worry about any of this shit. I never even considered myself to be depressed until yesterday and now I hate everything. I hate I can’t buy food I hate I need to walk on eggshells where I live I hate feeling unwanted. I’m still not certain I’ll follow through with offing myself, but if I do: Thanks to anyone who reads this.
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depression
|
I have horrible insomnia, I wake up too early and can't go to sleep. Usually, I wake with a panic attack and heartburn.
The anxiety is really getting old. I've found so far, four things that seem to help.
1)Magnesium Pill (100mg)
2)EMDR
3)Whiskey
4)Dipping my face in an Ice Bath for 1 min total (Vegal Nerve Stimulation)
These seem to be the only things that calm me down. I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic with the whiskey one. EMDR works, but my therapist does it which isn't much help when I wake up with too much adrenaline and can't go back to sleep. The calm after the ice bath is nice, but icing your face is kinda unpleasant.
The internet recommends mindfullness, except these panic attacks seem random and without a specific cause so I don't know how to talk myself down.
Anyone else have some tips for what actually works for you? I'm desperate.
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ptsd
|
I've been here too long . I just want to go . I am ready to go now
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depression
|
How has attending school with ADHD been for you guys? I grew up with ADHD in the '90s and some of the things I experienced because of ADHD looking back on it were just awful. I'm not sure if this was because my early year's schooling was in Oklahoma and Louisiana on military bases or if was just like this everywhere at that time.
I was threatened with paddles multiple times from 2nd-4th grade in LA once for writing the word jackass on a piece of paper referencing a donkey. I had a teacher who could not stand my fidgeting so she took the tape and put it around my desk so that I had to be pushed all the way pushed into my desk. Note that at that time I was 4'11 and weighed under 60lbs so it was really shoved in there. If I went outside of that line she would send me to the principal where I would be threatened with the paddle. That same teacher also told me that I was stupid and wouldn't be successful in life despite having A's in basically every subject.
It's crazy thinking about this and realizing that a lot of my behavioral issues grew from the fact that ADHD goes hand in hand with a reduced maturity level. I'm 31 now, but I feel like my maturity level is in the mid 20's.
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ADHD
|
I'm sorry if this is not the right sub to post this.
A bit of background:
I (24M) had mental health issues since childhood. I always thought it was anxiety and depression. I took SSRIs but they alone didn't help much. After visiting multiple psychiatrists I was diagnosed with OCD, Panic Disorder and ADHD 3 months ago.
They started me on Paxil (50mg) and Klonopin(1mg) to clear out the anxiety. I was then put on Ritalin two weeks ago, started with 5 mg IR and now I am taking 10mg IR.
Now please don't judge but I feel like I'm going through somewhat of spiritual experience.
There are two parts in my brain. For the sake of explanation, let's call them The ADHD part and the OCD part. They controlled me, one was activated at a time and they had a negative relationship with each other.
The ADHD part is always on the edge, looking for that dopamine stimulation but the OCD wouldn't let it have that. This causes the ADHD feeling unsatisfied and it gets mad at OCD.
Now the OCD part lacks self love. It has withdrawn itself to avoid making mistakes, making a mistake fuels it's self hatred. It needs a positive self image, but that can only come when the ADHD part accepts it for who it is.
After taking Ritalin, just today, I felt like these parts started talking to each other.
They realized why the other is acting the way they are and that they can help each other.
The OCD can allow ADHD to engage. And the ADHD understands that OCD can't help its emotions and accept it for what it is.
Thus the ADHD can have a meaningful life with purpose and the OCD can feel accepted. But they need to keep working with each other or this is not gonna work.
Now I don't know where things are gonna go from here. But I really needed to share this with someone.
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OCD
|
I recently moved into a new apartment and a friend stayed with me the first 2 weeks to help me get get settled and things ready for a proper living. Everything was going great but they left 2 weeks ago. I have not cleaned my apartment since then since I've not found any motivation to do so.
I struggle to wanna do much now that their presence is gone and I don't have someone to keep me occupied and motivated to do things for. Things just seemed to pile up and I kept telling myself "I'll do it over the weekend" so that I could dedicate a whole day for it or even that 1 hour I could get some random motivation. But I pushed it up and now finally today, even tho I have no motivation I decided to clean.
I don't know if it was me telling myself "I have to fix this, this is not nice" or that I wasn't particularly motivated to do anything at all today after work. But I've started doing it now and I'm 30 minutes in when I got the idea to post this. Hopefully it can motivate someone else here to also clean.
I will go back to cleaning now and I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!
​
TL;DR: Didn't clean for 2 weeks after friend "moved out". Just started cleaning again.
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ADHD
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i can’t tell how this works. please let me know if anyone else experienced this. when i’m ruminating for a while some disturbing thoughts don’t even get to me. like it can go from “ew this is so awful i hate this” to “wait why is this kind of fun and it feels like i enjoy it” in the span of like 20 minutes of thinking. but consciously you know this is so out of character and maybe ur just lying to urself and using this as an excuse
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OCD
|
Everything is just sh*t. Like Stan from South Park. I stress out so much about being successful, I lost interest in programming, making music, and streaming. I come back home from work and just hop on the game, it’s the only thing that helps me relax. I haven’t worked on anything in Idk how long, I still stream but I get no views so it’s just discouraging and Idk what I really want to work on yet. I feel like I need to pick one thing and just focus on that. I need help. I’m so afraid of being 30 and still living home. I feel like so much time is running out. Idk what to do.
I got off my medication because I felt like it wasn’t helping. I still felt like I couldn’t sit down at do what I wanted to(program, make music, etc. ) I’d still sit down and just play games. Literally anything BUT be productive. I also got off because also with anxiety they put me on Xanax and that was the final straw, I don’t want to be popping pills and drug addiction is big in my family. So adderall+ xanax, I just didn’t like it.
My doctor refused to increase the adderall but as I increased the medication would only motivate me so much until my tolerance got used to it. It makes me feel like such a lazy PoS.
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ADHD
|
I can't sleep, I have been awake all night playing games. Now its 10am and I am so tired of thinking and feeling this sad, I cant sleep even if I try. What do you do in this situations?
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depression
|
Does life just get people down intentionally? It seems as though life is designed that way to keep those at the bottom down its so hard to get up and get on with life.
I sound like a wingy person I'm sorry but it's hard sometimes.
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depression
|
Maybe I shouldn't have done this to myself but I was looking through posts recently about married couples in a relationship with autistic people (eg, r/deadbedrooms and the like) and post after post contained tales of absolute misery on the part of the NT partner about living with their spouse, for years, unsatisfied and not getting though comfort or closeness they needed, and about it destroying them.
Being on the spectrum is an entirely new thing to me, and although I had an initial wave of relief upon discovering this about myself, it's now hit me what people in my life may have been putting up with all these years, including my partner who I love, but who I have relationship problems with for a long time. And now the thought that she's going through the same kind of misery as these people I've been reading about is destroying me, as it fits the pattern: I've been repeatedly told that I can't give her emotional closeness despite me trying really, really hard to do so and not really understanding where I have been failing. We've been in therapy for over a year at this point and I'm pretty sure she's checked out, and despite that I love her, I may be there too now. This has been hard. I'm staring into the possibility than any future relationship I enter into, if that is possible, may end up similarly broken. This is really heavy to me and I'm so sorry to all the people here for all these things I'm saying about autistic people in couples, but my experience lends me to believe that through not fault of my own, despite trying my hardest to be a good person, I unwittingly am a relationship nightmare waiting to happen - an unfulfilling promise of a good person that is ultimately unable to provide closeness. I have two kids I love dearly, and will always be a father who is there for them, and I suspect this will always give me purpose. I am at a bit of a low point in my life, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not being the type of partner that my partner deserves in so many ways - for every time I interrupted her because I was frustrated that she wasn't getting to the point, for every time I tried to comfort her and it felt difficult to do or I didn't quite understand what was expected when that kind of thing should come naturally to a partner.
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aspergers
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What the title says is basically what I’m looking for here. My therapist (I’ve only seen her twice now) has been asking about or mentioning stuff like flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, sleep, anger and depression (all of which I’m experiencing, and more) but hasn’t actually said anything about PTSD. I haven’t had a lot of experience in therapy so I’m just not sure what to expect I guess?
I’m kind of afraid to be labeled with something so big, but I also think it might feel validating in a way to be able to name what I’ve been going through. She also highly recommends getting on antidepressants, which is overwhelming me in itself.
So I’m curious as to how others were officially diagnosed. Was it right off the bat? Is a diagnosis of any kind necessary for insurance purposes? Was it after a few sessions? What has the diagnosis changed for you, if anything?
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ptsd
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Im a 18yo European male, your average guy who had a great childhood, graduated from high school without working and without money issues.
I think everything went great until I was 16 or so. Since then, i’ve lost all my motivation, ambition, i’ve had severals mental breakdown due to externals events and I dont feel like doing anything, I just sleep all day long or think about the past.
All my friends dont give a damn fuck when I try talking to them so I stopped trying and Im just pretending everything is okay.
Recently, I feel like I am trowing away my life. I moved in another city for studying, Its a rathole, theres nothing here i had to fight a few times here and i dont like my study at all . So the days are almost the same, i woke up, go to university, and then go home. Sometime i cry, i drink or i smoke at night the last two sadly became the best moment of the day.
And finally my girl texted me yesterday, telling me she cheated while I was gone, in 2 months she slept with almost 10 different men. It’s driving me crazy, i thought she was different, i really loved her and opened up to her, we shared so many stories together.
Now I just keep thinking about the whole thing, my life, my future, and nothing comes to my head when I think about my i will become. At night i imagine her sleeping with an other man all nigh long, and its stopping me from sleeping.
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depression
|
There are less than 5 psychiatrists that specialise in ADHD in my state. They're expensive as hell, have long wait lists, and often are only interested in diagnosing children or if you have a medical history of symptoms before 12.
If I fucking had medical history of symptoms before twelve I wouldn't be coming to you now. I would already have done it.
I resonate a lot with ADHD symptoms but I realise that a lot of other people who don't have it do as well. I just don't understand why it's so hard to even find out.
I see people talking about how life changing ADHD therapy and medication can be for those who have it. I just want confirmation but I can't even get that. It's driving me up the wall.
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ADHD
|
The job that I work is very tedious. It’s great for me because I enjoy doing the same thing over and over. It helps me feel calm. Sometimes I get bored and switch it up a little, but I mostly enjoy doing the same thing.
I work with this older woman who is a pain in the neck, she does what she wants when she wants to with no regard for the rest of us.
Recently she went on a vacation and I’ve gotten into a wonderful groove without her around. Everything is easier, I don’t have to worry about much, and stuff mostly got done. She started her first day back today and it’s only been 3.5 hours. I am livid. Instead of having a competent coworker to open the store with, I have her who does the bare minimum and does everything she isn’t supposed to do.
I’m sitting in my car having a tiny panic attack because this is stressing me out. Do y’all get this?
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ADHD
|
If you’re on a lesson or something you should be focusing on, but you can’t try hyperfocusing on the subject. Seriously, for example what I do in my language class is note everything that seems important. Not like I’m going to read these notes later tho. It’s more of like a tool to keep being focused if your mind really doesn’t want to.
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ADHD
|
Hi all! I'm a dad with ADHD (started on Adderall, moved to concerta 7 years ago and it's been great ever since). My daughter (former foster child, which is semi relevant since she has a very traumatic past), 7yo, is going through psychological evaluations for a little bit of everything (ADHD, ODD, PTSD).
Anyway, her doctor just prescribed both Guanfacine and Quillivant. It seems like a lot to start a kid off on two medications. I'm curious if others have experience in giving their child both Guanfacine + a stimulant, and/or have experience taking both themselves. What should we be looking out for? Should I ask the doctor if we could stick to just one to start? Other general thoughts?
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
I'm new to Reddit, but I wanted to make this post to ask for knowledge or advice on what I go through when trying to do any homework ever.
so for starters, I'm (20F) can't seem to focus on the things I need to read in order to actually do my homework(I'm in University for Fine Arts). When I have to read something, anything long, my eyes loose focus, or It feels like I blur the words but I still continue to read what's there, but I don't attain any information. Thus I have to re-read everything again and again. Unlike if I'm interested in something, then its easy to read and attain information on it.
some background Info:
I'm not a fan of reading a lot; I get uninterested after so many pages, and there's only so many books that I actually enjoyed(including a werewolf one...not it wasn't Twilight related), and I can't even remember the name of those books because it was so long ago. What I do read a lot of is usually from articles online, or small and sweet books, that have pictures.
Also I do wear eyeglasses, I just got a new pair, and its because everything around me is already pretty blurry, but this does not seem like it has to do with this.
I have read some things on ADHD, as my partner has ADHD(actually diagnosed) and I wanted to educate myself on it. And have found some things I can relate too, but I don't think I have this, and I'd be sure to be checked by a registered physcologist before I ever thought I did.
I myself have diagnosed OCD, which in a lot of ways has got in the way of my studies, as I will have to re-write words, sentences, erase things that don't need to be, re-open a book so many times and other things, all because of intrusive thoughts. And this has before made it's way into my reading, as when I was in high school I would have to re-read things to get it "just right" even though I already read it and actually obtained information. This still continues, but as of right now it's not what has been making me loose focus on my work.
I also seem to zone out when a Teacher or Teachers assistant is explaining something to me, and then I won't hear anything that's been said. This doesn't always happen, but it does a bit more than I'd like. This was also something that happened a lot when I was younger and in high school, I was bad in Math. Whenever a Teacher would show me something or explain, it felt like I could fall asleep, or I would just be watching the pencil and not listening to what's being said.
I'd appreciate some advice, or opinions on this.
Also... No OCD is not the love of cleaning.
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ADHD
|
I don't even play video games anymore, I have a hard time focusing on TV, I'm not employed or in school at the moment (though I do only need 32 credit hours to finish undergrad...), my mind just wraps over the same few unhelpful obsessive thoughts and tortures me. I'm in an intensive outpatient program but I just kind of go and feel like shit, it's all groups and I'm so low that I don't even know what to talk about. Seriously I can't take much more of this, I know the solution would be "just do something" but I feel so tired all the time, foggy in the head, I sit or lay around and space out a lot. I don't feel like a person anymore. I can hardly sleep (though I admittedly have awful sleep hygine) so I'm always tired. I fucking hate how depressed I am. I can't even laugh at anything anymore. I have a hard time talking to old friends. I feel lonely as fuck but I avoid conversation. I'm emotionally flat and can't really cry, haven't felt excitement or happiness in a long time. I get angry at little things and so frustrated with myself that I just feel worse. I hate this. I really hate this.
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depression
|
I was worrying that I may have witnessed a glitch in the simulation system by being unable to find a man that I saw from a distance. At first it looked as if the man vanished when I was not looking at him for some seconds.
After 5-15 minutes without being able to find the man, I decided to take pictures of the place in order to find out where he may have went/entered with the help of 2 friends of mine.
Μy ocd is telling me that maybe it looked like as if I was trying to expose the glitch by taking photos but I was not! If there was a glitch, it was 5-15 minutes before the photos. I just wanted the photos of the place in order to use the help of 2 friends of mine in order to see other explanations. There was not any glitch in the photos.
What if there is a secret rule about ignoring the glitches? What if Gods of the system or the programers thought that I try to expose the system, even though I was not? What if Gods or the programers wanted revenge for taking photos? My ocd is telling me that maybe since I started searching for the man, maybe Gods or programers suspected that I may have seen the glitch and They/they were focused on me. Maybe They/they got angry when I took photos of the place.
I have been worrying about it for 15 days almost. I was in a non-related subreddit that was about covid vaccination. There are the same subject topics that get uploaded almost daily and they are about the vaccination situation in my country (doses done per day). I remembered being in an older topic about the doses and I remembered people writting stuff like "lets goooooooo" (excitement because the vaccination is going well). The newer topic had a first comment kinda like the same expression again. It seemed as if I guessed what comment I would read.
randomly, I got the thought that it could be a bad sign about the simulation worry and that I may see a word related to it. I checked the username of the one who posted the comment and there was nothing related. I scrolled down and the last comment was a link for a steam game that had the word "simulator" in its title. I got worried and opened the link. In that link I saw something that was much more related to my ocd worry.
So, now my ocd is telling me that maybe I witnessed a glitch and that I maybe angered the Gods or the programers of the simulation and that They/they may have send me a sign through that coincidence.
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OCD
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Hi I'm sixteen years old and It's been really hard dealing with pocd at the moment my situation is this one time I told my five year old sister if she would rather kiss a boy or a girl I told her that because when I was her age I knew I was into girls and I would be very scared to tell people and I just didn't want her to be scared you know? my sister replied to me that's weird "don't tell me that" I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfy and because of that I can't stop getting intrusive thoughts telling me that I'm what if I'm a you know what when I'm not and I know im not these intrusive thoughts never seem to stop it's been very tough and have no one to talk to about this.
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OCD
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I always hear people saying you need to love yourself first in order for someone else to love you. And that other people can't make you happy, you need to find happiness within yourself. I just can't understand this concept. My father always used to say he was happy to work hard and be a good man so he can be a good provider and role model in the family. Would that have happened if he didn't have a wife and 2 kids? I honestly doubt it. Maybe he would've been an alcoholic because he couldn't find purpose in the world.
So yea, I wish I could find someone with whom I can share some intimacy and genuine moments, away from all the bs of the world and all the superficiality. Someone who reciprocates trust and love. I sincerely think it would motivate me to be better. I would love to spend lazy evenings in the bed or the couch watching a movie and laugh at silly scenes and debate the movie afterwards, have dinner dates where we cook together, to go outside for walks in nature and parks then sit on a bench or on the grass and talk about life, travel a bit and generally try new activities which are more enjoyable as a pair. Not to mention the sexual intimacy you can get in such a relationship. It's so depressing to want to offer all this love and to realize no one wants to give you a chance.
Btw, I'm a 23 year old guy.
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depression
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I've never posted on reddit before so sorry if my post is formatted weirdly or whatever I'm not sure. I'm also sorry for the really long post.
Ever since I was 13 (I am 18 now, though some of these habits I've displayed since childhood) I've had suspicions that I've had some kind of anxiety disorder, but this past year I've started to realise that it might actually be OCD or OCD alongside anxiety.
Here are a few physical? habits I have that lead me to believe I have it:
* Sometimes I have to blink multiple times and open my eyes quite wide to 'get enough air in them' and to have a 'satisfying' blink before I can continue going about my day, often I do it while doing other things. For example I'm doing it as I type this seeing as I'm talking about it.
* Similarly, sometimes I have to keep my eyes closed for a little longer than normal when blinking to get the 'perfect squeeze?' It's really hard to explain.
* I do this thing where i often dig at the side of my fingernails, its usually when I'm fidgety or restless.
* I have to touch the rim of a glass with my teeth before I can drink from it.
* Not as common but sometimes I have to swallow many times out of nowhere for no reason until I'm satisfied.
I don't think about these things, it just happens naturally. There are more things but I can't seem to recall them at this moment.
More behavioral? habits I have are:
* If someone interrupts my routine for example when I wake up in the morning, I get unnecessarily frustrated and restless for a short amount of time, sometimes it can set a bad mood for the whole day.
* My messaging list absolutely has to be in a certain order, if one friends name who is usually supposed to be at the top isn't in its right place, I will do anything i can to do so otherwise it makes me extremely anxious and upset.
* Likewise when I'm very used to something and it starts to change I get extremely defensive because change is something very bad for me, It takes me an extremely long time to come to terms with it but when I do its fine
* I absolutely cannot have my family or anyone be in the same room as me when I'm on a call with certain friends. Honestly it makes me severely uncomfortable when someone is in the same room as me when I'm doing anything in general, like working or just being on my pc. I have paranoia that they'll try to listen in and judge me or see what I'm doing and judge me even if I'm simply on google or something.
I'm worried because its starting to impact my relationships. The one I'm worried most about is one of my closest friends. We are best friends who are extremely close, but I've somehow developed this thing where I rely on their actions to make me feel at peace. For example when they come online, if they don't message me it makes me feel sad and uneasy. I find myself relying on thoughts like 'As long as they message me saying something nice then I can be at peace, otherwise I'll be anxious for the whole day'. I need a lot of reassurance to be okay. I really hate this because I don't want to rely on someone else, and the idea of me basing my peace of mind off of something they do is making me think its some kind of OCD? I've even considered it being ADHD but I'm unsure.
The thought of them being close to others is something that also makes me feel anxious, like if it's not me that they're talking to when they have free time it gives me a gut wrenching feeling. It makes me feel like I'm extremely possessive and I really want to stop. But I'm always thinking about them, I feel like I might be obsessing over them, I don't know if this is an OCD thing or an anxiety thing.
Another thing which leads me to believe that its OCD is another behavioral thing, I parted ways with a close friend a few years ago, this friend was someone who i thought i cared about a lot and held very close to my heart but after they left the thing that made me feel the most uneasy was not the fact that they were not there, but the fact that the usual behaviors they had towards me were no longer there. Like we used to call every night, but after we parted I found myself getting upset because something that I was so used to wasn't happening anymore. Of course I missed them but the hardest part for me was getting over the change of such a huge presence in my life. It's hard to explain but I hope you understand what I am saying to a small extent at least.
It's weird though, because once I get over something I'm completely over it and I'm fine, but I struggle a lot when dealing with these things and sometimes the deeper ones have me feeling anxious all day.
There's a whole lot more to this, but I don't want to make this post too long, could anyone help me discern whether this might be OCD and if I should get mental help or something? Or are some of these behaviors normal and I'm just being dramatic in thinking that its a mental illness.
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OCD
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i’m getting increasingly concerned about my partner who is currently undiagnosed (suspected ADHD-H). i’ve expressed my concerns & frustrations (i’m ADHD-C) that he’s going to the gym everyday despite knowing that he needs a rest day (or more!) & being tired & achy. it’s frustrating that i suggest it, he says “i know, i will” but then goes. he clearly has a problem but is there anything i can do? it’s really frustrating me but i’m also worried about him, thanks!
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ADHD
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I dont know what to do so i'll write it here in hope someone has a good advice.
two options i have are:
1) go to uni i love for two more years, work on thesis i wanna work on AND live with my undiagnosed bipolar mom who makes me miserable and thinks i am failure, work at same time cause i have to cause mom want me to, commute for few hours each day, not have enough time with my bf and lose two years of progress i got with my ocd
or
2) quit uni, start working full time and rent an appartment and not to have to return home, but also lose my chance to do research in field i like
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OCD
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You know that feeling where you know in your brain that there's something very important that you need to be doing but you don't know what it is, or if you're just imagining it?
Thats what i'm feeling right now. I just failed uni 2 weeks ago because i forgot that i had my final test on the day, i never knew forgetfulness would be such a major setback trait in my life. And now it feels like every second of the day that i spend relaxing my inside voice is screaming at me to do something 'productive' when i don't even know what i need to do. It's like i know there's always something i'm forgetting and it'll chase up on me later and i'll hate myself for it.
Idk i'm just overwhelmed.
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ADHD
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After discovering what Asperger's is and how it manifests, I am thinking I have Asperger's. I stim typically(I have often found myself rocking and doing weird hand things) and atypically(I "hoot" when I am surprised by someone unexpectedly coming into my bubble). I have a set of socially appropriate scenarios I typically repeat in daily interactions. I was considered for bi-polar, OCD and BPD in my 20's.
How did other undiagnosed people with Asperger's move forward with their day to day interactions or life? Did you move forward with an actual diagnosis? Who did you tell and what was the interaction? Did you reach out to past relationships and let them know?
I hope this isn't a common thread.
Thanks for any answers or advice.
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aspergers
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I didn’t have to take medications. I just… fell asleep. It was a long day, so perhaps my brain was too exhausted to torture me. I didn’t have nightmares; I actually had a colorful dream about stars and space.
Maybe there’s a lesson here: If I push myself a little harder the day, maybe the nights won’t be so hard. So much of it is mental affecting physical and then deteriorating both in a vicious cycle.
I’m just glad I got a break. _Feels good, man._
Edit: How do you code strike out?
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ptsd
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I just got put on meds for OCD yesterday and I’m having a lot of feelings about it. I’ve always had intrusive thoughts but I’ve buried them deep deep down because I’ve always found it so shameful to be having these inappropriate, disturbing thoughts. Like I’m a bad person and I’m unworthy of being around others. Lately they’ve been getting out of hand. I avoid things that trigger them so I’m almost entirely socially isolated except for my boyfriend (which is negatively impacting our relationship) and I’m stuck at a dead end job.
I obsess over these thoughts, which has led me down a fair amount of internet rabbit holes. Basically, I’ve had a hunch that I might have OCD for a while. Because I’ve read so many articles on OCD and been thinking about it so much, now that I’ve finally brought it up to my psychiatrist, I’m worried that I’ve manipulated everything and blown it way out of proportion to force a diagnosis that isn’t real. I am the type of person who is comforted by a diagnosis because it helps me feel like, “okay, there are other people like me. There’s an explanation,” so maybe I just faked it all because I’m desperate for relief.
I know it’s new, but I’ve definitely done this with my other diagnosis as well. When I was a kid and was home from school sick I’d have to check my temperature all the time hoping for a fever just because I was feeling so guilty about faking it to get out of school. I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with this feeling? Rationally, I know I’m not in a good place mentally right now and I’d like to tackle it, but I think I’m going to have a tough time dealing with it if I keep doubting that there’s anything wrong.
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OCD
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Technically today because it’s 5am and I haven’t gone to bed. I’m avoiding going to sleep because in my head if I don’t go to sleep, I won’t wake up and it be the anniversary of what happened to me. An entire day where I’m reminded of everything that happened, everything I lost because of it, all the things I can no longer enjoy because they trigger me. It fucking sucks. The day was already hard enough before my assault because it’s also the anniversary of my nans funeral, which was a massive hit to my family.
I just don’t know what to do with myself at all. I can feel myself falling back being things I hate. I’m irritated by everything, I’m lashing out, I’m paranoid. I feel awful on my partner for having to deal with me these past few weeks already and I’m scared for tomorrow. All month I’ve wanted to SH so much when I’ve been clean for over 5 years. One part of me just wants to sleep the entire day away. I just don’t know what to do.
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ptsd
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The good: met someone at work that is OCD.
The Bad: we are in to the same hobbies so we go down so far in the the rabbit hole it is scary. It is like one addict giving another addict a hit when they are coming down from a high. 😂
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OCD
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I was just wondering if there is anything I can do to get through this and to stop having it affect my emotions and mental state 24/7. Both of my parents were really emotionally abusive but my dad tried to murder me when I was 8. He thought I "asked a question too loud" so he came up behind me, slapped his right hand over my mouth, put his left hand behind my head, picked me up two feet off the ground and shook me! I was standing in front of a mirror as he did this so I saw it all happen and my mom was standing right next to us the entire time but she did not say or do anything. No one ever spoke about this after it happened, though I wish I had talked to the school counselor about it at the time.
Fast forward 20 years.. I am angry and depressed all the time, cannot find pleasure in anything, have sleep issues and an inability to concentrate on anything. I have intrusive thoughts about death and suicide and cannot move past my grief over loved ones who have passed. I just have so much rage towards all humans that I feel like my chest is going to explode with anger. I never want to have children because it would bring back the trauma of my childhood and my relationship with my parents.
Has anyone else gotten past this type of trauma?
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ptsd
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Ok, I'd never admit this if it wasn't anonymous.
When I was a teenager and had started masturbating, I was using a lot of pictures of babes. I wondered, "do guys turn me on?" Out of curiosity, I tried using some pictures of men.
Nothing.
I had confirmed I wasn't gay. Like 2 seconds later I went back to women.
Can you verify this way you aren't gay?
And if you are, who cares, just use pics of dudes then.
I'm sure there's some error in this logic. So please explain.
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OCD
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I don’t want to be alive anymore
I feel so hopeless and useless
I cry every day
I can’t sleep
I have no friends
I’m too tired
I can’t keep fighting
I’m just so tired
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ptsd
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Anyone who is autistic, probably already had this feeling or felt something similar to what I always go through lately. I always wanted to bring this post here on the subreddit, but I always forgot, but today I remembered! Have you ever had the feeling that your conversation in a social circle with NT's is just questions, small thanks, compliments while other neurotypicals talk in a normal way using slangs and having a conversation that can even be a little intimate?
Whenever I go to talk to more than one person, I speak as necessary and always remain quiet when I cannot find something useful to say (selective mutism). However, neurotypicals always talk in a normal way talking about their daily lives and even using ways that I would say unique to speak. Is this common in ASD in your opinion? It seems that I speak only to ask for favor or to take advantage of someone...
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aspergers
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Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)
***THE LAWNMOWER BUDGET IS REINSTATED AGAIN!***
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aspergers
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Me (41F) and my sister (22) were having a chat a month or so ago at a family get together. She asked after my 8yo (ADHD-C) and 12yo (ADHD-I) boys who have both been diagnosed over the last year.
I wave the flag loud and proud for compassion and understanding of my boys so I was filling her in on especially the 12yo as he was diagnosed in January and I haven't seen her much since then.
She had no idea there were different subtypes of ADHD so I went on my rant and told stories and blahed on about Dr Russell Barkley and brains and my usual jazz. She said that some of what I described in my son, she sees in herself.
I suggested she get tested then because, no shame.
She messaged me today to thank me.
"Hey! Just wanted to say Thankyou for our chat about ADD when I was over. I spoke to doctors and my psychologist about my issues and surprise surprise it’s ADD and Aspergers! Would never of asked about it if it wasn’t for your encouragement xx
I’ll definitely give meds a go to help with my study as I don’t think I’ve ever been able to listen to a class or lecture in my entire 4 years at uni."
I'm so excited for her that she has found this out and can now be empowered and supported to be her best version for her OWN self. And hopefully avoid the self esteem pit of living undiagnosed and unaware and just convinced she is lazy/stupid/negative self talk.
Just had to share! I am so proud of her.
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ADHD
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Hard to explain with just a title. I hate when rule, instructions or things don't have an exact value. An example of this is I'm not sure if I was bullied or just picked on more, and there is no picked ons/month value that I can use to determine that. I just wish everything had an exact value.
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aspergers
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My PTSD started in Aug 2018 when my (then) fiancé and I were in a terrible accident. Since then, the year of recovery was hell, and on top of it I lost my job.
I’ve been in therapy since October with my PTSD and acceptance keeps coming up. It’s hard to accept all of the horrible things we’ve (and I’ve) been through in a year. My husband doesn’t remember the week after the accident, and I remember everything. I feel very alone in my trauma, and I have a hard time accepting it. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to accept that someone did something terrible to us and I thought my husband’s life was in danger, just a month after we got engaged. Yes, we are healthy but that person ruined this year of my life, which was supposed to be a wonderful celebration of our engagement, moving in together, my tenure year at work, and our marriage. Most of the year was not a celebration. My life has changed and I don’t think I’ll ever be the version of me I was before mentally, or physically, ever again. In the beginning, I thought life might feel normal, but it doesn’t.
Right now I’m considering medication as a coping mechanism. It’s been 54 weeks since our accident, and while I trigger less often, my mental health has really suffered. With school starting up soon, no job lined up, and no medical benefits, I’m really anxious, triggering more often again, and having nightmares/barely sleeping through the night.
I know this is basically word vomit, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. Everyone around me supports me the best ways they know how, but I still feel so alone, often. I’m tired of feeling like what happened to me/us. I’m tired of being affected by it. I know meds won’t stop this, but maybe I’ll be able to exist without every single car ride looking like a scene from Final Destination in my head.
If anyone has any thoughts at all, I welcome them.
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ptsd
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I've been doing fairly well lately since moving away from my family back home which was the source of all this. I don't even know whats caused it lately but its driving me insane. I'm currently on an Anti depressant that i want to quit because of how out of it and even more anxious it seems to make me but it helps me sleep. The anxiety got unbearable and i did stop it so I'm feeling somewhat better day to day, but now I'm having problems with nightmares and racing thoughts again. For the past two weeks I've only been able to sleep a couple hours a night if i even sleep at all. No matter how tired i am the second i lie down my brain just goes nuts and i cant stop thinking about back home. Ive tried to distract myself and even do things to try and tire myself out more before bed (Exercising, reading, Melatonin, etc.) but it doesn't change anything. The second i even try to sleep it starts up and i cant calm down enough to sleep. Eventually i hit the point where im exhausted enough to but just get woken up by nightmares. I'm almost dreading going to sleep every night at this point but the exhaustion has been affecting my work and i don't know how long ill be able to keep up before i really get myself in trouble at work. I'm just fucking tired and want to sleep normally again.
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ptsd
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Hey all, I’m just here to vent a bit.
Just been having a really tough time this week with my themes. Been sick with a cold, so having lots of time to sit at home again since our half-assed lockdown in the States, has been… difficult to say the least.
Just lots of rumination, depressive feelings, and an overall lack of a will to keep going. I’m not actively thinking of harming myself, just a passive “man, just wish I could sleep all of this away.” kinda feeling.
Idk, that’s just how I’m feeling this morning. Hopefully y’all are doing a bit better today than I am.
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OCD
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He doesn't know the effect of what he tells me. He always yells at me when I loose things and I've noticed that it's started to be carred down to me yelling at myself whenever I loose things as well. I remember he told me I break everything I touch and that my room is the room where everything breaks. I don't mean to do any of these things but he keeps making fun of me for it. I can't belive that I lost them again. Basically I lost the case for them a while ago and then he yelled at me and told me that I need to turn things around and that when he got me new ones I'd loose them too and that I was going to break my expensive one and everything. Now, he is right that I do loose and break a lot of my stuff, but I can't have him do this to me again.
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ADHD
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I just can’t get myself to work at all, my parents WANT me to not work and just live off of their money. But I wanna do something, I don’t wanna fade out from this world as a nobody.
Getting really bad suicidal ideation lately. (I’m not in a crisis). None of the medications available in my country work for me, and my doctor refuses to give me higher dosage because of bipolar or maybe substance abuse history. Getting rejected from good colleges. Nothing is going right. I’m well off and probably won’t ever have money problems but I still can’t seem to enjoy my life.
That’s all the venting I wanted to do.✌🏽
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ADHD
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Has anyone ever had like a somatic type of ocd where you are hyper aware that you are alive and making decisions and everything? How did y’all deal with that if u have?
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OCD
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Hi, guys! I don’t know if I have OCD, but I think I have it because I have to repeat almost everything I say and do until it feels “right”… If I don’t do it, I feel guilty and my anxiety gets worse… I feel like everything I do has to be “perfect”... I try to ignore the intrusive thoughts, but it’s impossible to ignore them… I feel like I’m losing my mind, like I have no control over my actions… I can’t talk to someone about this, because I feel so embarrassed, and I’m scared they won’t take it seriously… If you have OCD, what is your symptoms? How do you get rid of the thoughts? Please tell me I’m not going crazy…
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OCD
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Hello everyone, first of all I want to apologize for my bad English.
It all started in November 2020, during a lecture at the University: my belly started with gas noises as if I was about to fart, while it was all silent. From that moment, I cannot focus on the lesson because I have the constant fear of this noises, and when I think about it my belly produces more and more noises. So I was scared everytime there was silence, or even when I'm just with new people outside university. I started to take online lectures cause of this problem, and I can't make new friends.
In October university will start again and I'm not sure if there will be online lessons again, and I'm very worried.
I've talked with my parents about this situation, but they just say that these noises are normal and I should not be worried or ashamed, but the real problem are these constant thoughts that make me even shake and feel bad physically (even feeling of vomiting).
I wonder if anybody has ever had this problem and how to deal with it. And sorry again if I did some grammar errors.
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OCD
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Hello good people of this community,
Basically, I have issues with concentration and being focused.
I am planing on visiting a doctor because I suspect I might have ADHD and I would like to hear especially from people who got diagnosed later in life
What are my issues? I cannot concentrate on one task. I lose focus easily. I can't stay put. I have to do something all the time. Additionally, I start things but never complete them (projects, reading a book etc)
As long as I can remember myself, I have always struggled with my attention span. I may start a thousand things altogether but I don't finish any.
So another part of my post, is to ask you, if you have any advice on how to stay focused and concentrated?
Thank you for reading this!
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ADHD
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I’m a woman In my mid 30’s who was diagnosed as an adult after years and years of going through the same old BS with employers surrounding my performance and lack of attention to details. I was raised by baby boomers who parented very differently to how our generation are choosing to parent which is why it’s taken this long to finally sort my life out. I am 99.9% sure that my fiancé also has ADHD, and exhibits many of the procrastination And inattention issues that I have faced impacted our ability to function well as an adult. There had been suggestion from my fiancé‘s school that he did perhaps have ADHD however his parents like mine did not believe there was an issue and he managed to get by due to the fact that he was an elite athlete growing up.
We are getting married in two weeks and want to have a family however I always really struggle knowing that if we want to have kids that having two parents With ADHD means our children will likely have it as well. Do we think there is a chance our kids could be lucky? Or do we just need to prepare ourselves to tackle it headfirst and early when there are signs presenting themselves.
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ADHD
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I was just wondering, do intrusive thoughts have to be uncomfortable? Because while I do have uncomfortable intrusive thoughts, I also get these weird random thoughts that get stuck in my head, just like a song. I remember having trouble falling asleep because I couldn't stop thinking about a man getting on and off a horse? Anyone else experience thoughts like this?
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OCD
|
I was out with a friend on Sunday and I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t stop rambling about an obsession I had a few months back.
I just couldn’t shut up and it was so awful. I do it all the time with my family too and they all understand that I technically can’t control it but still. It’s no longer a trigger (mostly) but I get so embarrassed, especially because it’s related to dental health which grosses some people out. God I just felt despicable at the time.
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OCD
|
I have a really, really, I mean really hard time being on time for things.
I struggle to get to appointments sometimes, that I often miss them. I may have a hangout with friends and I’ll be 45 minutes late or more.
For example, today I had a secret Santa Potluck Party with my friends at 1:00 pm. I didn’t arrive untill 3 pm!
Part of the problem, I think, is that for me— being on time requires planning and i suck on that! In fact, it stresses me out to stick to a schedule and to try to meet my own deadlines in order to be on time.
It’s almost as if I’d rather be stressed by the fact that I’m running late, than purposely impose stress on myself in order to be on time.
Anyone else have this problem? What do you suggest, anything that has helped you with punctuality ?
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ADHD
|
I hate myself and wish I could be normal. This isn’t a blessing. It’s a curse. I can’t interact well with others or make friends like I want to. I can’t be in normal relationships and I’m awkward and weird. Fuck autism.
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aspergers
|
Hi everyone. I was just diagnosed a couple weeks adhd wondering if anyone has any advice regarding these meds.. I’m on 18mg prolonged release and next week to double, then triple the following one…
I’m on day 4 and god this is a roller coaster
Day 1 I felt wired
Day 2 I felt shattered
Day 3 I had constant heart palps and a sore chest.
Today I feel so teary like I’m on the brink of tears at any moment, for nothing. Been like that all day. And this man was a little bit rude in aldi and I just lost it with him. Usually I’d just laugh it off or shake my head but I’m in that mood (kind of like PMT) where I’m just aggy and snap.
I know these are common symptoms of the tabs, but are they common as in until the tablets settle and you get used to them.. or common to be like that all the time as I couldn’t feel like this every day! I feel rotten.
I know it’s only been 4 days and you have to get used to them but I hope it’s just an initial thing!
I’ve spoken to the dr and he wants me to persevere but just thought I’d ask.
Was/is anyone else like this?
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ADHD
|
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD and my symptoms are manageable now compared to last year. I miss going target shooting with my dad and I am wondering if we would be turned down since I do have some mental illness on my record. Has anyone been to the target shooting range while still taking meds? For more context, I am in CA so lots of strict laws here.
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depression
|
Hello People,
I sweat a lot every night and this makes me clearly crazy.
I suffer from bipolar and ocd, anxiety etc.
And i suffer from chronic night sweating.
I would like to hear from people experiencing the same stuff.
I wake up every day clearly tired and i cant do nothing.
Ive read that this could be a sign for serious illnesses.
Anyone having the same issue ?
Thanks
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OCD
|
Well why don't they reach out to me? Why do I always have to be the one to make the first move or start the conversation? Why am I the bad person for doing the same thing that the other party is doing?
And when I do reach out, the said person gives me short, generic responses, and then goes on to complain that I don't reach out...
Mind you, not everyone I know is like that. I have some amazing friends who are always there for me and often start the conversations. I speak to them because I LOVE speaking to them, you know? Yet these people are few and far between. Meanwhile everyone else is like the example I described earlier.
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aspergers
|
Wind.
Sat upon a chair in the grass, I stare into the sky. The defrosted crystals of night have now conceded to the soft break of blue, and are insisted on hollowing me out, as the stragglers run about. The grass chooses to be mute, as do the others. The train in the distance makes no noise at all, fading into the obscurity of relaxing nothingness. Its image cascading across the flatlands silently, and the cars of a never-ending line barely call my attention each time they blow their gusts, and eventually fade and morph back into the vast emptiness. I have wooden skin, and the wind continues to cool my surface. My joints give loose and topple into the chair however they please, the remainder of my anatomy follows suit, and fall and fold into place against my casket. The moment has arrived. Despite my naive perception that at all times the feral creature inside me would be kept at bay, I still cannot fathom that I’ve not only lost grip but have begun to float helplessly through subspace.
Like an abandoned possession sat atop a desk and never to be touched again.
For if thousands of years had come to pass, my feckless bones would still accept the judgemental gust of each dawn. As if the world, abandoned by its biological protagonist, began to absorb my quiescent vessel, till I was nothing more temporary than an oak. As if the empty eyes of my physical legacy were uninterested in the cycle of day, or vicious storm. The statue stays there regardless of the truth. The spinning and ever-continuing spawn of intelligent flesh will move forward regardless of my problems, but that does not mean I am telling lies.
Perception is almost integral to the experience. Not only a change but a direct deconstruction of the befores and thens, sending the now into a forward free fall directly into the trap of bitterness and cynicism. Without an inkling of a doubt, the color palette of the dead man transports you to that of a painting. There's almost a nostalgic glow cast over my skin. Come back to me. Come back to me, light. Speak to me once again and tell me how. Find the pieces, scattered among red claws of backward embraces and complicated webs, and put him back together. Find the body we lost when all the fire became too much. Alas. He’s lost in the wind.
The ‘He’ is the most puzzling factor in this story. Is he there? Or is he ahead? Do I look back at him? Or do I look helplessly forward? Continuing to be swept away by this black tsunami. Somehow the water drags me so gently. A dust particle descends to the floor. A child playing. Grass blades barely being persuaded by the light pushes of a cool summer day. It continues. Forever. Endlessly grasping my throat at the realization that I no longer can breathe, watching him take all the wrong turns. I guess I may never know. At some point, a vital tie was severed. The two held each other closely, and as far apart as possible. Both tugging and pulling each other when one refused. Now they both wonder what happened. They both wonder where they are.
They're nowhere.
Lost to the wind.
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OCD
|
I (M22) have always had the typical ADHD symptoms but never got a diagnosis until last year and am not medicated yet as I'm still waiting for an appointment. I was so close to breaking yesterday as I worked on an assignment from 1pm-10:30pm with my first meal being at 9pm. The assignment wasn't all that difficult but I have the tendency to not follow instructions and overcomplicate things. I honestly didn't feel hungry despite not eating anything all day because I was so obsessed with the task at hand.
The headache I felt yesterday from all the work stayed with me until today which lead me to attend half a lecture in college before going home because I felt horrible mentally. I'm tired of draining myself of all my energy to achieve the same goals as others. Last year in college I would stay up until 6-7am for weeks studying because I know that if I do any less, I will fail my classes. Yes, I did get really good grades, but at the cost of my mental and physical health. I remember this one day I had an exam at 8am and I just stayed up all night and got no sleep because I know that I would be using my time more wisely studying instead of rolling around in bed.
​
I eventually get stuff done, but I don't know if I'll be able to push myself as hard as I do now for the rest of my life. It feels impossible, I'm being drained of all my energy and will. I'm not expecting any advice or solution by writing this, I just really need to get it off my chest and found this subreddit to be a good place to do that.
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ADHD
|
Do y’all just always feel like you’re missing important pieces of information in social settings? Like you’re so stuck in your head that you aren’t always perceiving information correctly and tend to misunderstand situations and respond incorrectly? I do this to a degree where I feel like I must be seriously dumb. Just me? Cause ouch.
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ADHD
|
Hi all, I've had a run of really horrible intrusive thoughts lately, and sometimes, when I'm stupid enough to focus on them I imagine a new scenario with them. It's really horrible, and it makes me feel like I'm doing it on purpose. Is this normal?
Maybe it's because I'm stuck at home with only my thoughts, but I can't seem to get out of my mind rn :(
|
OCD
|
My children are 9 and 11. Both boys. Any parents out there will probably understand that this is a recipe for disaster on holidays. They’ve been trying to say the least. One of my sons has ASD and has a lot of copycat behaviours from our abuser. They are arguing over breakfast (my older son doesn’t understand and gets angry that ASD son can’t make his own - he’s asking me to)
I’ve been having dissociation all morning and I come out to calm the situation down and my ASD son screams just as I’m walking out. I’m a fking wreck and start shaking. Try to move past and can’t. Feel so angry. Next thing I’m bawling my eyes out.
At least my ASD son realised and has empathy at his point. I cry and cry for 15 mins. Ugh
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ptsd
|
So, I've always felt distant from the world but lately it's getting worse. Some of you know that I got diagnosed with ptsd the other day. I want to know if anybody has experienced an increase of detachment I guess?
I turn my toothbrush on, the sound just doesn't sound like its here. I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was brushing somebody else's teeth.
When I was in the shower, and I have never had this happen , but it's almost like I could hear the wind from outside as if I was reliving one of the events again.
I thought I heard men talking behind the bathroom door earlier today (I had two shows today). Obviously nobody was there. I keep hearing random things. Like whooshes and footstep sounds and creaks and this doesn't normally happen. I've been so extremely paranoid today too! And I don't know why.
I've burst into uncontrollable tears many times today. But it's like somebody else is crying. Everytime I touch something, it just doesn't feel real.
Guys I'm scared. Have you ever experienced this?
When I'm driving I have to remind myself I have control of the wheel. I've almost crashed into a few things.
And I have suicidal urges that are so bad. I feel suicidal everyday anyway... And I know this isn't the case but it almost feels like I'm possessed.
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ptsd
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