body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
so basically I had a really scary nightmare a few weeks ago and it was of this creepy guy with a knife and he was tilting his head and smiling at me(I'm getting chilling and sweats just writing about this) anyways he just really scared me but I was talking to my mom and she think its because of what a family member did to me when i was little. i never really know any of my triggers when it comes to this stuff but I guess I'm going through one right now cause I just feel like I'm going on a rampage trying to figure out if they are connected cause the guy in my dream didn't look like that family member tbh I'm not even scared of that family member I'm just disgusted by him so could this just be a weird scary dream or could this be connected( I almost forgot to mention this but a few months ago this family member messaged me to see how I was I haven't talked to him I years like since I was 3 or 4 years old) I know I have PTSD from a lot of things but I thought that I was pasted that when I just stopped dwelling on it like I did when I was a kid.
|
ptsd
|
Im going through a dissociative episode and its making my symptoms worse since i have harm ocd/pocd.. anyone else?
|
OCD
|
I’m on meds, I try tricks to prevent myself from procrastinating like being at the library and sitting my ass down. Trying to follow a calendar. Practicing mindfulness.
I feel like I’m always exhausted and never have time to do things I enjoy.
I’ve been making the same anxiety/ procrastination mistake all my life and I cannot learn from it.
I want to fix myself with all my heart but I can’t seem to be able to.
Please tell me if you ever had a Eureka moment where you managed to turn things around because I feel like my life is one big never ending succession of the same mistakes.
What made you click? When did you feel you started trending up?
|
ADHD
|
Not too long ago I used to order things from selling websites like EBay, Depop, Mercari, Poshmark, and Etsy. After some recent events of having constant obsessive thoughts of order from those websites, I got too tired to use them and deactivated all those accounts. Whenever I look up other things unrelated to orders on the Google app, those selling websites still show up in the Google search results and Google images. It really triggers me when those websites still show up because then I start imagine those websites in my head and brings back bad memories of being scammed from some experiences. It’s so hard for me to come across when they are advertised because I don’t want to constantly look on those selling websites. Is there any settings on the Google app where it blocks certain websites like that from showing up on search results and images? I’m just trying not to give into those compulsions of going on those types of websites because then that’s all I think about.
|
OCD
|
I'm in my mid 30s. I've only had a few brief casual romantic relationships. I'm unable to work. I don't even want kids. My physical health is poor and I'm reasonably sure I'll be dead in 5 to 10 years, at best.
I gave up on life years ago, in my late 20s, when I realized all of this was unlikely to change. And I wish I knew more people like me. More people who aren't desperately pursuing romance, or jobs, or any of that stuff.
Is anyone else like me? Just alive to be alive, for the sake of not hurting people by ending it?
|
aspergers
|
I was unconscious and have nothing more than flashes that I’m half-convinced I made up.
And yet some days I’m barely functional any more.
I don’t know that any of this is real. How do I know I didn’t make it all up?
Sorry, just a rant because I’m struggling.
|
ptsd
|
Idk if this is just me or not I haven’t been diagnosed(I have a test in December) but I was wondering if a symptom is having the same few interests and just swap between them because I find I go through an interest quickly like trying to learn a language then go back to one I really enjoy like cars and everything to do with that or like Vikings and learning about them and playing games that involve them
|
ADHD
|
I have PTSD stemming from horrid experiences and reputation in both high school and the year I went to college. Shit I don't want to even get into went on for years and it really screwed me up. Flash forward to today. 22 with no license, friends, or partner. No school, lost my job after being in the hospital recently. Been isolated more often than not in the 3-4 years I've been out of school. I made one friend from here that ended up lasting for a year and a half ish. She became my best friend I've ever had. I cry often just thinking about how much I miss her. She left maybe two months ago now. She was the only thing in life that helped me escape my depression, anxiety and especially PTSD. Now I cry and panic and get flashbacks every day again and if I don't take matters in my own hand I'll just end up back at the hospital. Drinking and smoking isn't enough. I just want to go before the year is up.
|
ptsd
|
first i would like to say thank you. im 18, female and getting tested next week. my whole life ive felt uncontrollably alone and alienated and finding this sub has really opened my eyes. thank you so, so much.
walking past people is something thats always been difficult for me. specifically outdoors or at a public place. i always try to smile and make glancing eye contact but the other person always seems uncomfortable. ive tried waving at people, saying hi etc, but it always feels awkward and makes me really anxious. any tips?
|
aspergers
|
I brushed my teeth twice, took 2 showers, ate good, healthy food that made me happy, I listened to my favorite music, put my heart into work, stayed up to date with coursework which is huge to me, gave myself time to relax, talked it out to my psychiatrist, took my meds.... and it isn't enough.
I still feel like pure shit today, I feel like I am constantly embarassing myself, ive said or wrote things impulsively that I regret so much. I literally have been holding back the urge to cry or scream shut the fuck up to my brain. People always feel like they're staring at me, I hate my music which I usually love, it just sounds like noise to me right now, I have to lower my volume so much to even bear it, so many sounds feel so loud to me they give me horrible, violent thoughts. I wish someone, anyone would just reach their hand out and check up on me in person. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to live like this, permanently in fear of people hating me, perpetually in a state of doubt. I wanted to text my psych about how I'm feeling today, since I know I am gonna forget by the time we have our meeting, but, a part of me honestly believes I'm already so annoying to him, I message him probably 10x more than all his other patients, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve these meds, that I should stop taking them and accept my place.
|
OCD
|
Who wants to have a good, friendly scuffle, it ain’t really rules or nothing just no head stomping and when somebody drop chill. Lmk if ur interested I know a lot of us looking to just throw a few and chill out after
|
depression
|
I recently was diagnosed with PTSD from emotional abuse and medical trauma. But I’m not sure it’s accurate? I don’t have flashbacks and have scarce nightmares. I definitely suffer from emotional numbing, depersonalization, intense anxiety, and guilt, but I think it’s weird I don’t have flashbacks or nightmares. Is this normal for some people, or should I look into a second opinion? Thanks!
|
ptsd
|
After years of trying to manage my ADHD without medicine, I finally had to break down and admit to myself that I needed medication. After a screening, I was prescribed 20mg of Adderall XR. I was already taking 150mg of Effexor XR in the morning and at night. After googling interactions between these two medicines, I start reading about serotonin syndrome. I called my doctor and asked if this was something I should be concerned about and he acted as if I was being silly. Do any of you take these two medicines together and have you had any negative experiences as a result? Maybe this is just a case of me worrying too much, but I'd like to make sure before continuing on.
|
ADHD
|
After a long time of consistently taking my meds, I become hyperaware of my heartbeat and develop tachycardia, random chest pains, and an impending sense of doom. I usually abstain from taking them for a week or so, then continue with no side effects. This time, is different. Instead of being in school, I now work a job.
I'm terrified to not take my meds because I know my productivity will decline and I'll be confronted about it. I don't want my boss to fire me because randomly out of no where I start acting "stupid" in their eyes.
What should I do?
|
ADHD
|
What have been you all’s experience with anafronil? I had been taking it at the lowest possible mg and my therapist is recommending me try it again.. worried that if I take a higher dose -once it get to that point- it will have some side affects. When I was taking it didn’t seem to have too many side effects...
|
OCD
|
I feel so dumb about how I’ve been handling this, but I’m basically having an anxiety meltdown.
I bought a new pair of the really AirPod max over the ear headphones with my leftover stimulus money. As I was taking them out of the box they made a weird “clacking” noise, so I naturally started ruminating and thinking I broke something inside. So I took them to exchange them for another pair to stop worrying about it.
I’ve had the new pair for about a week, and I went to my therapy today. I was zoned out with hardcore dissociative symptoms, so as my appointment started I was zoned out, and I meant to lightly toss my drawstring bag onto her desk while I put my air pods back in their magnetic case thing, but I wasn’t paying attention due to how zoned out I was and tossed the actual headphones onto her desk instead. They clacked fairly loudly when they landed so I naturally had a panic attack again I broke them or something.
I got home a while ago and was relieved that they work fine…….but now there’s a scratch on them. It’s super small, like half the width of my pinky fingernail. But it’s there.
I feel so dumb, but this is basically “ruining” my brand new super expensive headphones for me. They looked really nice and perfect and smooth before, but now they’re scratched, and it wouldn’t have happened if I could just fucking pay attention to what I was doing for 5 seconds.
|
OCD
|
Dam just watching the sky, trees, streetsand the sunset foggy rainy day get me depressed with strong emotions I don't why I feel like that?
|
depression
|
Does everything have to be perfect to you? Are you not able to move on if there is a flaw in something? Have you ever had intrusive thoughts that wouldn't go away? I have struggled with intrusive thoughts and things having to be perfect. For instance, I have a toy collection from my childhood that is very important to me. Some of the figurines that I have have some wear on them such as the original paint chipping off or markings.
I constantly spend time analyzing the flaws. I ordered some flesh paint that I thought closely matches the original paint on the figurine. I did paint where the spots are, and it does blend in, but it isn't perfect. If you didn't know it was painted, you wouldn't notice it. My brain for some reason can't stop analyzing the figurine even though I got rid of the spot and the paint does blend in, but there is a little noticeable difference if you really analyze it. I have been taking pictures of it to ensure that it looks fine, but my brain just can't give it a rest. I also bought my own car in the spring of this year and it has triggered my OCD even more.
I have been bothered by any minor scratch that I have noticed on the car and any stains or crumbs on the seats. I keep my car clean and I tend to put things such as bags of food on the floor because I worry about it staining my seats. I feel like such a nutcase spending hours analyzing all the flaws in things that I own that are important to me whether it is my car or a collection of childhood toys.
I understand that not everything can be perfect, but for some reason my brain can't accept it. I have also struggled with intrusive thoughts about killing my family. When I was experiencing these thoughts, I thought I was deeply disturbed and something was really wrong with me. Struggling with OCD and perfectionism is a nightmare. It takes up a lot of your time and your brain is never really satisfied unless you keep analyzing whatever is bothering you.
|
aspergers
|
I have a pretty severe case of ADHD. I was prescribed 60 mg at one point in time but now to have any concentration I take 90mg. They say you know it's an addiction when the positive effects aren't there any more and you still take it. I feel tired all the time, I eat, still tired, I exercise, still tired. Take aderrall and or caffeine still tired. Any help or advice for new methods would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Sidenote: link is a really really good hour plus long video on how adhd is linked to insomia/ depression and treatment options other than Adderall. [Adult adhd: patient perspective and best practices](https://youtu.be/dVDhYtQkuO8)
|
ADHD
|
Yeah so the title is self explanatory.
Yeah so it's like I've opened a flood gate. All these repressed feelings are flowing out of it and it's intense. I had a sensory overload when I was out running yesterday.
Yesterday morning I looked out the window and it scared me. I've been thinking I shouldn't feel bad really but I feel like my ability to function has leveled down lol.
I had to build up the confidence to venture outside. Honestly I didn't like it. My eyes would water and I'd cry whenever I ran past most people well I'm their vincinty. I was constantly thinking I hate this. I couldn't stop manifesting variability of literal objects in my mind which were reflective of my vision which my eyes could see. I'd think about trees growing from their roots , I'd think ah what species does this tree belong too , I'd imagine cars slowing down , speeding up and being stationary on the road. I've think about all the possible running routes I could possibly venture onto. I think if I stopped I would of just wanted to curl up on the pavement. I tried to imagine a calm beach with waves flowing up and down it's trajectory. I had to finish the run early and I was hyperventilating.
Yesterday I was really breathing heavily and I struggled to put a bedsheet on. I had the assessment and I was diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD. I'm worried my masking made the diagnosis milder than a true reflection of who I am.
Can any other aspies relate?
This is so difficult I didn't realise I'd be opening up this can of worms :(
Im not happy tbh and I sometimes I wish I didn't have these issues. However I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if that was the case and I wouldn't have developed the the interpersonal relationships with others if that additionally wasn't the case.
|
aspergers
|
I like to cook (it takes an amount of effort to convince myself into the kitchen still), I LOVE to eat.
It's turning to Autumn here and the days are getting darker. This time of year always seems to have a pretty big impact on my mood, self organisation, self discipline, money management, etc, etc, etc.
I am completely broke until next payday. I was really proud of myself that I managed to get a pretty cheap and healthy food shop done last week. I had my meals all planned out - after shopping, that is. My time in the supermarket was spent mapping out the movement of the ball in a game of pong as I tried to piece together some kind of stable diet that could be turned into actual meals.
So I got home, and then impulse dictated that I should go see my girlfriend. I ended up staying there far longer than I intended. I've come home today and everything's use by dates are either today, or yesterday. So I'll be cooking 3 meals tonight. I will eat what I can and store the rest in the fridge (I don't have a freezer for various reasonable excuses, but in all honesty the noise of the ice crunching makes me feel physically sick).
I could have easily made a bolognese for lunch just now as I am working from home today, but I have a video conference in an hour and a half, which in my mind isn't enough time to cook and eat a 20 minute meal (it absolutely is.). So I instead chose to just make a cheese sandwich. I take the bread out of the cupboard and it went off a week ago and is growing mold.. Not a problem, I know what I'm like and I foresaw this: naturally I bought a fresh loaf. Take the new one out and notice the label says use by 3 days ago. No mold, I'll just pretend it's okay until I see evidence that it's not.
I actually end up throwing so much food away all the time, just because I forget about it, or "I'll do it tomorrow". I can happily miss a meal if there's something more interesting to do outdoors. I have thrown entire food shops in the bin more than just a few times over the past few months.
P.S. I'm flairing this - as usual - as accountability. I don't know if it's the right one. Maybe seeking empathy/support, which I don't really ever think I want. I think I just want to let off steam to people who understand what it's like. Maybe there should be a letting off steam flair or something like that..
|
ADHD
|
Seriously music just immediately gets me in the mood to get things done. It feels like the part of my brain that can't do shit gets distracted just enough that I can just do the job I'm meant to do. We're talking things I haven't bothered doing the entire day immediately start being worked on the moment I wear my headphones. Ofc it still depends on my mood and I'm exaggerating a bit but it does help and by a noticable amount and just being able to concentrate on a task for a bit is a huge change.
|
ADHD
|
Or do you sometimes experience both at the same time?
|
aspergers
|
I've been suffering from HOCD for a long time now, and after I've seen articles that POCD and Suicidal-OCD exists, my brain is trying to convince me to have these thoughts too and it's so depressing. GUYS I NEED HELP LIKE WHAT SHOULD I DO TO STOP IT IMMEDIATELY??? Like being gay is okay compared to being a pedophile or killing myself. I'd rather be super-mega-ultra gay than one of those 2. Please help me right now, what can I do to immediately stop it before it becomes worse. I can't do ERP, that means I should imagine killing myself or fantasies with a child? like no I don't want that, please give me a solution until I can go to therapy.
|
OCD
|
Venting warning!
I’ve got everything going for me. I’m privileged, middle class, good partner and supportive friends & family. But I’m smoking again, more than ever, the dishes are piling up in my house, I am weeks behind work and people are taking notice, and I am not sleeping at all.
Anyone else stuck right now? Any one else have tips to get out of the rut?
|
ADHD
|
Edit: phrasing
Hi!
tl:dr - I'm wondering if anybody has some tips and strategies to help with the fun little rejection sensitivity that so often comes along with ADHD.
I'm a recent college grad with an even more recent ADHD-I diagnosis, and now that I'm in the workforce and actively working on breaking the habits I fell into when I was young, untreated, and undiagnosed, I'm finding it really hard to not take criticism as slander, specifically in the workplace. Objectively I know that small mistakes aren't going to end my career, but when I'm in meetings with my bosses receiving critical feedback I find myself getting teary-eyed even if I'm not really upset about it! I'm afraid it's undermining my capabilities when I have such an emotional reaction to routine job performance notes, especially as someone so fresh out of school.
If anyone has any advice on how to regulate, or want to share how you have been working on this, I appreciate all the guidance you have!
Thanks so much!
|
ADHD
|
Hello, so this is is my first post. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd for over a year now and I’m currently on Strattera, literally just started it this week. Currently my biggest problem is focusing on schoolwork, I’m killing it at work and my house is always tiptop clean but I’m really struggling doing my school work and studying. I just cannot dedicate time to it like I should. Im frustrated with my self but I’m hopeful because the medication has been well tolerated so far. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone is in the same boat or have any strategies to combat this? Winter months are harder for me when it comes to school because I just want to spend all my free time in bed.
|
ADHD
|
I've tried everything. I've waited so long. I've been so patient. Yet, I can't get better. There is literally no hope for me. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Music I used to love with all my heart sounds like noise. Things i used to enjoy don't give me a single molecule of dopamine or serotonin. I am so fucking sick and tired of the anhedonia. I can't catch a fucking break. Every little thing like brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, or getting up from my seat or bed feels like climbing a mountain. The brain fog is so thick and it's so hard to get my thoughts across, which is why this post is such a mess. If my mom died, I'd kill myself on the spot because she's the only one giving me any kind of support and I couldn't bring myself to break her heart especially as she's already in so much pain already. FUCK this... I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and ITS SO FUCKING UNFAIR THAT I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT ITADSWEAOIWHDAOIÆWDH
|
depression
|
I attempted suicidal this year twice, to actually die because I was so alone and felt like there was no way out, none of my family cared apart from my mum. My brother didn’t and I’ve told him how that made me feel and he still didn’t care. I have minimal friends, no close friends and I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I don’t feel like a negative person, so maybe it’s because people don’t like how straight talking I am, how honest I am or maybe they just look down on me. I don’t even know but it’s so frustrating because you see families and they seem all happy and they go to each other’s houses at Christmas and have the best time but my family isn’t like that at all, everyone’s just turned so selfish and the only thing they care about is looking good on Facebook. I won’t stand for injustice and I won’t be walked all over so yes I have stood up for myself before, with my dad putting the blame on his failed relationship all on my mum when in actual fact he’s the one in the wrong and now he’s got another family and they don’t like me because of the lies he’s spouted about my mum, it’s Fucking ridiculous, the guys a racist, narcissistic bigot, and I’m meant to accept him because he’s my biological father? I refuse. It seems all my families morals are wrong, my grandparents have their favourites and pretty much don’t care about anyone else but those who big them up on Facebook when they buy something new to show off. I don’t even know what to do anymore, they even tried to charge me £7.99 when I pointed out the toilet seat was broken, and it wasn’t even me, my granddad is 26 stone bruh. Nobody is interested in me, and I feel like I’m a background character, nobody messages me and I’ve reached out multiple times to friends, to family but nobody seems to care, even when I attempted suicide, nobody cared. Tbh though my grandparents are the type that say “we didn’t have autism in our day” and my grandma works with autistic kids yet she knows absolutely nothing, calls me a liar and everything. My mum has explained that people don’t like people who are straight talking and honest, but why? Because I don’t play mind games and I’m pretty easy to get along with, I’m not a closed book.
|
aspergers
|
Hey so I have CPTSD but all my most recent trauma is medical related and I'm struggling to cope. I'm in the process of trying to get some medical issues worked out with my doctor but in the meantime, I can't keep myself from spiraling when I have any little issue or weird feeling in my body. I just always feel like I'm dying. I'm in counseling and have gotten some good coping skills to connect yourself back to your body but my problem is that my body is what feels unsafe while my environment feels fine. I'm going to bring it up at my next counseling appointment but wanted to see if anyone has any insight with coping with this kind of trauma. Thanks for reading!
|
ptsd
|
Ive just recently been diagnosed with nicu related ptsd. My son was born at 25 weeks at 1lbs 15ozs and just 11 3/4 inches. We spent 97 days in the nicu between two different hospitals. During this time he contracted both meningitis and sepsis and a few times we truly thought we would lose him. During the time we were there two babies lost their battles and everything has weighed very heavy on me. He is just over a year now, doing amazing. No major medical concerns and he’s meeting all milestones but my fear has really overtaken me. It wasn’t until I was driving home one night in the dark that it really hit me. I had to pull over on the side of the road until I could fight off a panic attack. For the instant I was driving home again and leaving my sick baby behind. Since then little things will set me off and it’s really started to take over my life. I didn’t even know nicu related ptsd was a thing until I went to my dr. I started today with a therapist where we will be trying cbt therapy. Hoping to get back to who I used to be.
I just wanted to introduce myself and see if anyone else has had a similar situation. I’m feeling hopeful for the moment.
|
ptsd
|
It's so distracting, I'm trying to read an article but an ad at the bottom keeps scrolling or flashing or anything. I can't focus! Sometimes there are things loading or anything moving on the screen and I absolutely hate all of it. Sometimes I put a card in front of it so I don't see it in the corner of my eye but it's so flustrating...
I don't think it's an Aspie thing but I do think I'm more sensitive about it bc of asd than neurotypicals are. How about you guys?
|
aspergers
|
Hey.. is anyone willing to chat with me in private and listen to me vent? I just really need someone who will understand and wants to give advice because my ocd is getting so much worse and I’m just so overwhelmed and filled with self hatred. please message me and thank u so much in advance
|
OCD
|
I have an abusive dad, a mother who can't emotionally support me but falls short (through no fault of her own, she tries, but she's had a very hard life), 2 sisters who have both said they can't be their for me emotionally, one of which ignored me for over a month when I asked her if she knew a good hospital too go to in our area for mental health (she works as a nurse at a hospital, mental health is not her expertise but I thought she might be able to point me somewhere)
Today. Today was an exceptionally bad day. I haven't been sleeping and I totally broke today after several days of next to no restful sleep. I've been so stressed even the sleep I do get is plagued by nightmares.
I dont feel connected to this family at all. There are 2 states I have thought about moving too, as well as a brief notion that maybe I could just leave the U.S. I could just change my name, switch phone numbers, and move. There's literally no reason to stay. The most me and my sisters have really talked over the last few years is just to say happy birthday too each other. I don't belong here in any capacity, but I don't know how to just move on.
|
depression
|
I remember watching the original Achievement Hunter gang for their Let's Plays and them being dicks to each other during the videos and thinking that that was just how friends played games together, since they all seemed like friends.
So I would play games with friends and do the kind of things AH would do to each other in videos and expect laughter and causing actual strain and frustration with the friendship.
Anyone else have this kind of experience?
|
aspergers
|
(Hello, sorry for my grammar i'm not english so ill make sum mistakes.)
Hi i think im depressed i've been having suicidal thoughts for like a year, and im just too tired to do anything recently. So i think im depressed. What are the simptoms for depression if anyone is kind enough to help.
|
depression
|
Her parent's had just gone through a divorce, and my other friends told me to sit with them throughout recess as an act of comfort, but I didn't want to sit with them. I would keep moving around and wandering off, after the fifth time of me doing it they (the friend group) called me insensitive, so I wanted to comfort my friend. When we were walking down the hallway I said loudly how her parents will handle the divorce, and who's custody she'll be in, and if she's going to this school, and lastly how she's coping with it. Someone overheard my talking and I told them my friend's parents were getting divorced. That's when she turned to me and got mad, and said that I was a horrible person. I didn't understand why she was so angry at me, I thought I did nothing wrong. After then she began to isolate me from my friends and bully me, I had to leave schools because it got too bad.
I only realized this because my neurotypical cousin said that I should've watched my tone and should've been nicer.
|
aspergers
|
Hi all,
Does anyone else randomly fixate on the stupidest stuff? Like my rational brain is like "so what" but my irrational OCD brain is like "omg fixate fixate fixate" and I cant break the cycle. I get tunnel vision and cant rationalize myself out of doing compulsions until I do them all "evenly" and when it feels just right. One compulsion can take 4 hours. Then my brain literally looks for something else to fixate on. I feel like my brain says "see...everything is fine its no big deal" but then on the flip side its like "I don't believe you" its like there isnt a "connection" there. Not sure how to explain. Im starting the physically and mentally exhaust myself with my rituals. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow who I want to talk to in order to refer me for some therapy. Medication did not help me in the past and I dont want to take any medication. I have began to take herbal supplements like CBD, valerian, 5-HPT and L-Theanine. Has anyone had success taking these? If I do a compulsion and its not "complete" will my brain eventually shut up and move the F\*\*\* on? It's like I cant focus on anything else in my life until I feel it is "complete". I just want to feel like myself again.
|
OCD
|
My 9 year old has pretty severe adhd but won’t be formally diagnosed until the beginning of December. I also have adhd and just realized this and am mourning who I may have been if my parents had stepped up and helped or noticed. In the meantime, my child is making me miserable. He’s taking out my spark for life and my motivation because of his mean combative discouraging insulting against the grain attitude. I’m at a loss. Is this something medication may help him with? I need a silver lining. He’s robbing me of my peace so I have nothing left to give to my own mental health, my husband, or my other two boys. I feel like I walk around like a turtle not wanting to make eye contact and being ready to pull back in my shell and hide at any moment. It’s not normal to have someone tell you you’re terrible and they hate you and you ruin everything and everything is the worst whether it’s the Halloween party you worked on for them or breakfast or the music you’re playing or even a trip to the park. I also can’t handle the way he speaks to his little brothers. When I was a child we had unchecked sibling rivalry and fighting which turned into actual abuse by my older brother so that part really triggers me. I need help. I’m sad.
|
ADHD
|
I've been playing guitar for 6 years and singing practically all my life, I can do them both separately without any issues, but for years I've never been able to do both at all. I was diagnosed earlier this year and it explained lots of my weird behaviours and my obsession with, but unfortunate failure of not being able to sing and play at the same time.
Now this wouldn't be an issue if all of my friends and band members weren't able to do this so effortlessly, always harmonising at gigs or rehearsals, messing around and having fun all the time and me having to compensate by being the lead guitarist and playing solos (I love being a lead guitarist btw, it would just be so amazing if I could join in on their singing) and the only people that don't do this are the people who just don't sing at all.
It just really hurts, i've seen people say it's muscle memory, but it doesn't matter if I know a song front and back, playing it with my eyes closed or even rehearsing in my dreams, I've never been able to do it successfully in all my years of being a musician. Thankfully my friends are not assholes about it and appreciate me doing my best, they'd even encourage me to continue after i've stopped completely which is something I am so happy about, but I wish I could just wake up one day and be able to perform my favourite songs without any issues.
|
ADHD
|
HELLO!, first time poster,,,I am 18 and unemployed and haven't got ANY experience I need a job but everything is just so PLEH! so many steps and things have sub steps and sub steps have sub steps. for example, writing a CV: I need to overcome procrastination to open my laptop, then, I write but what do I write? and where? and a reference?! How do people just know how to write a fricken CV. anyways I have completed step number 1 and now I am stuck. #REJECTIONSENSITIVITYSUCKS. I am now overcoming the dilemma of do I mention my ADHD - what if they are ill informed it could all go to shit OR they understand it and can help me. Its kinda a gamble I dont want to risk... ESPECIALLY in New Zealand where ADHD is referred to as ADD and is caused by bad parenting. \* sarcasm \*. ANYWAYS any tips on overcoming rejection sensitivity when handing in a resume which sidenote - I don't have ANY experience! so it is rather bare lmao anyways aany tips would be fantastic. Have a great night :)))
|
ADHD
|
Hello, a few days back my sister, that is a grown woman said to me that nobody likes me when i was trying to explain her about my needs has a autistic person and i was passing for a lot of stress at that moment. I was just trying to express how i was feeling said that she and the rest of my family never try to listen to my needs growing up even when i was diagnosed with austim when i was a child. She just tell me that i never put a effort to adapt to everyone in the house and that nobody likes me because of that, after that she said that i shouldn't let my condition to define me and if i was really unhappy i should leave. I was just trying to explain her about my needs, i really don't want to mask every single day in my house so everyone feel comfortable, i don't even can't go live somewhere else, i dont have friends and my country is very poor so getting a job is not going to give me enough for living by myself.
Recently i was getting a lot of stress and begin to see the damage that my family do to me because they never try to understand me, i try to communicate that but everyone just ignore it or just forget it for the next day. I am at the moment going for a lot o metal health issues and this just make my more sad and angry, and make everything just worst for me.
|
aspergers
|
I wanted to share my story. This is just
My experience of course and I am not trying to offend anyone.
https://medium.com/@zoeyilouz/this-season-i-am-grateful-for-my-anti-depressants-810750633549
|
ptsd
|
Im done. What a pathetic waste of life I am. My parents gave me everything I could need to succeed in life and I squandered it on weed and video games. Time to end it.
|
depression
|
Hey y’all. I’m in early recovery (only a couple of days), and I’m learning that I’ve been so excited about learning, growing, and getting better that I’ve started pushing myself a little too far. I’m trying to learn how to trust the process and not try to do this all on my own. But it’s so hard because I just want my life back.
Support/loving and gentle advice kindly requested ❤️
|
OCD
|
Anybody in here military/first responder? Need a battle buddy.
|
ptsd
|
for as long as I remember, I am afraid of being given bad news verbally, or to go to funerals (I only went to one funeral and I didn't feel sad enough so I am too scared to go again even though I was about 16 at the time and its been 15 years since)
I don't find serious situations funny, or anything, its like my mind goes to "what is the worst thing you can say or do right now in this moment" and that happens to be smiling or laughing and the thoughts are so worrying I cant even hear what they are saying to me anymore, I try and numb myself. I can feel myself holding back a smile when being told horrible bad news, like losing a family member. It's horrid and I KNOW that if someone notices this I could seriously hurt their feelings. So I've avoided those situations as much as possible, tried to turn away from them, hide my face, anything.
(I've noticed I don't have this problem as badly when only on the phone because they cannot see me)
Is this common with anxiety at all? or is this just some horrible habit I need to crush.
If anyone has this, have you done any successful exposure therapy? I sometimes wonder if I should go to the next funereal, and just try and act normal, but I truly fear of ruining everything.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
|
OCD
|
TW: Self Harm
My trauma was self inflicted: a period where I was frequently self harming and admitted to hospital several times. I'll spare you the details, but my question is:
Does anyone else have PTSD from a similar trauma? I feel like my PTSD isn't really valid because of this, or that it isn't as bad as others. I also feel guilty because I'm placing an extra burden on the health services here because of stuff I did years ago.
|
ptsd
|
Im kinda surprised I’m on this forum…but here goes nothing. I wouldn’t call myself depressed, but as the days go on I notice how I’m not really living my life..Like, I’m obviously alive, but I just go through the motions and do things in life because I feel like I have to in order to be considered normal. I go to school and work (constantly!) and rarely have breaks.
However, when it’s really quiet and I’m all alone, there is no one around me, there is a pain that runs through my chest. It gets harder to breath, the thoughts are darker, and I become completely self aware of my misery and self hatred. If you were to catch me at uni or at work, I would never come across as someone that is depressed. However, when I’m alone, laying in my bed, I become aware of how alone I feel. I become aware of the stillness of the room, the emotions rushing through my head, and my overall unhappiness.
….does anyone else get that? You’re functional, but at the end of the long day…sad?
|
depression
|
Anyone else struggles watching Videos and Film ?
Ever since I was a child, I had this problem that I can not stay on one video for more than 5 minutes, even with my favorite shows.
When I am watching something, I keep backwarding the video back and forth because I have missed something out or because I did not understand the context and where there is someone near me watching the same video, I keep asking questions like : what happened at this part ? why did he do this ? even though we are both watching the video at the same time!
|
ADHD
|
Hi there,
I just got the diagnosis OCD and dissociation problems (i think the last one is more a symptom of the ocd) and I told my parents today that I finally understand that the f*ck is going on with my and my parents told me "everyone has this now and then, it will be over soon and you are not having it seriously. The therapist just wants to make money and only people who have visible disorders such as autism suffer from OCD. What you have is totally normal and it is just a little seasonal dip". I literally broke down when they denied the fact that I have problems with my OCD and even tho I named tons of signs why I have it, they still think it is normal. Does anyone have advice/has been through this too that your parents don't believe you have something serious? They support my "therapy journey" as they call it, but they think I have a theatrale behaviour disorder and my heart is really broken by that.
I already showed a video that explained OCD with examples that happened while I was still living at home. I feel unseen by my own parents.
|
OCD
|
Life is cyclical and I keep coming back to wanting to die. I ran out of weed and tonight is going to be a long night I can tell. I hate my life and everything about it. My circumstances always come right back. I’m poor, I’m sad, and that’s just that. There’s no way out. Except one way out.
|
depression
|
I’m actually diagnosed with OCD and while I already knew the toll it has taken on me around the time of diagnosis, I keep gradually “realizing” that the extent of its impact is probably much worse than it looked at first.
Things like sensing irrational patterns, compulsively googling things I already know the answer for and often only responding (negatively) to things wrongly validating my fear, procrastinating trying to wait for the thoughts to subside, and constantly having decisions thrown off by irrational intrusive thoughts or spontaneous intrusive thoughts or triggers have routinely set into motion wasted time brought upon by a spontaneous intrusive thought or trigger. I started off recognizing a few of these as OCD-related, and gradually started catching on to the others and more. At the time of screening I think I may have underestimated the time spent on things related to this destructive cycle, but after suspecting OCD was involved in other common “habits” on I think this has resulted in a lot of excess distress and hours lost–much more than I initially thought. It has also prevented me from taking initiative and has held my progress back for years. So it went from recognizing maybe a few hours a day wasted to perhaps almost entire days wasted due to OCD.
Even though I have already known I had OCD for well over a decade, I feel like I am starting to recognize that it’s impact has been far more pervasive and destructive than I initially thought. Kind of like how many people are often vaguely aware of initial reports of war atrocities as history plays out but only discover the full scale of horrors afterwards.
Does anyone else have this experience?
|
OCD
|
Hello,
I recently discovered something new in regards to my OCD. The thing I observed is that I'm hyperaware of a lot of things I tend to do. Although I'm longer questioning my own motives (I have harm-OCD), I tend to analyze why I do or why I think in a certain way in a lot of social interactions. It can be any topic really, like "Did I say the right thing to friend? How do they feel about me now?" or "Am I being a polite person? What can I do to make sure that this person feels comfortable around me?" Likewise, I often remind myself what values and morals are like "In an argument, you should listen to the other person because everyone deserves to be heard and they likely have a good reason to bring something up with you and ...."
It's not anxiety-provoking but I still feel that this is 'long-term' unhealthy and not at all 'living-in-the-moment.' Or is it? I'm not sure to be honest. It's been quite a while since I was last 'normal' I guess. Surely, the average person must be self-aware to some degree but at the same time be guided by what their values and beliefs without having to actively think about it.
Does anyone happen to have any ideas? Thank you.
|
OCD
|
21F. I am a medical student. I have ocd and am on meds for the same. I am worried about 2 things. So recently I developed a crush on an ortho professor and I flirted with him (not in a sexual way) just for fun. Obviously I dont wanna date him cuz he is like 10 years older maybe. Anyway, I have a growing mass in my wrist and I purposely went to him to get it checked so he could touch my hand. My friends laughed alot. Turns out it is a ganglion cyst. Now I feel like a creep. Secondly, I masturbate using a jetspray. My mom knows about this. I recently masturbated despite knowing my sister is sleeping in the other room and my mom can hear the water sound too and she probably knows what I'm doing. Feeling weird now
|
OCD
|
I’ve been really struggling with another obsession over the past few days and I really need some advice. I initially detailed it here - https://old.reddit.com/r/socialism/comments/md15wd/how_far_does_no_ethical_consumption_go/
I know it’s a political subreddit, but please try not to be too inflammatory. It’s really set off my moral OCD. Over the past few days, I haven’t eaten anything with chocolate or even sugar in it. I haven’t drank coffee or tea either. I was already in a kind of depressive episode but this really set me off the deep end - you never realise how instrumental eating is to your life until it becomes a chore.
Every time I go to eat is a moral dilemma. Like I’d want rice, but the rice we have isn’t fairtrade, so it’d be morally wrong to have the rice when I could have something else. Repeat for every other thing that has something ‘bad’ in it - you’d be surprised that everything from instant noodles to bread has sugar in it. I usually default and end up eating apples. I swear I’ve eaten more apples in the last few days than in the entire past year before.
The only exceptions are the three formal meals of the day. I still live with my parents and I can’t talk to them about this so I just eat whatever they give me and resolve that there’s not much I can do about it. But other than that, eating is very taxing to me because of this. Constantly weighing which would be more or less morally wrong and constantly craving stuff I can’t have like chocolate or coffee and trying to come up with pathetic excuses why I should have it.
This feels like OCD but I can’t logically give a good reason why it isn’t. I theoretically could continue doing this and at least survive so I feel like morally I should. But I don’t know. Please help, this is a constant source of distress to me.
|
OCD
|
I was diagnosed at 30, and I am now 33. While I am thankful for my diagnosis and that this year I started working with an ADHD specialized psychologist, I feel like it's made my depressive symptoms worse sometimes. Before, I always believed that with hard enough effort and self-training I will grow out of my stupid habits, or that I can just study harder and be just like everyone else eventually, etc. It's really hard for me now to accept that I have a neurological condition that will never go away. In the last few months, I've tried opening to some close friends to me about ADHD, while being totally dismissed every single time (the typical shit like "you were so good in uni though," "I don't think you have ADHD lol," etc.) In a way this feels even worse because it's not even a rejection on something I have control over.
Due to the pandemic I had to move back in with my mom. And this has been the most difficult. She does not really accept my diagnosis. My mom is an amazing person whom I love dearly but she has some very serious mental health issues too (I suspect BPD but I don't know), and her control/hovering has always been a problem my entire life. This has become a million times worse now that I'm home and she knows about my diagnosis. She pre-emptively gets angry with me about things that have not happened yet, or is seemingly more impatient when she tells me to do something in the house and it doesn't get finished immediately. Before there was a window of time.
I am a competent 33 year old with a really good education, and also doing most of the domestic/home duties, but she consistently talks to me like I am a 7 year old non-speaker that doesn't understand anything. It's incredibly frustrating and it takes me from 0-100 very quickly whether it's feeling incredibly sad, angry, wanting to scream... It's I also find that now that I have my diagnosis, masking my ADHD is so much more difficult, maybe because I've stopped fighting myself all the time and trying to let some things just "be," (for example the messy paper-filled desk I have is low-priority now compared to before when I would spend a good time every single day tidying my office).
Has anyone else felt like sharing their diagnosis with others close to you made things worse? Or that you feel like your ADHD symptoms/depression are worse after diagnosis? I feel incredibly sad and alone, I have nobody to talk to about this who can understand.
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone have any advice for feeling overwhelmed?
I currently live in a over crowded home filled with junk due to my mother, to the point I can clean the home and in three days it be just as dirty because of her obsession of prepping, but never properly putting away or cleaning things to where it just immediately builds back up making me feel hopeless of even trying to clean for my mental health and the feeling as if I'm accomplishing something.
I'm trying to move out after 5 years of unsuccessfully going to college staying in this home, to where now I know what to do but I feel like I've wasted so much time on a field I changed to a lesser field that is more my speed, however requires entirely different classes.
What also contributes to this feeling of wasting all this time is the fact that while trying to do college my mother often forces me/guilts me/ and screams at me to pick up and take care of things that she chooses to do that are akin to hobbies or taking care of animals that we have no business taking care of like a miniature pony that had hoof problems where she had me going out taking 20mins-2hours to look after a pony that she solely decided to take on not me. Often calling me to take care of our animals while she runs off to go mass grocery shopping when we already have a massive amount of food at our home, or she'll run off to meet up with friends or run errands to up keep things like their boat, or to check out vehicles to purchase later just really really unnecessary things that shouldn't be prioritized over daily living chores. Best example of her neglecting the home specifically her things is her clothes that are quite literally 97% most of the clothes in our wash room no exaggeration; her neglecting the dogs especially our oldest little one who has no teeth so we (mainly me) have to feed her mushed food; she bought chickens for eggs that I soley took care of which died on me cause of some unknown sickness she didn't want to take them to the vet for despite me giving them clean food, water, and cleaning out their coop; she took on a german shepard puppy cause we have two old ones that will pass soon and he was a stray but she doesn't look after the dogs well enough when I'm out or asleep to the point when I was asleep while she was out shopping she left the puppy out of his cage for 2+ hours while I was unconscious and she didn't tell me to look after the dog at any point but it's apparently my fault when he poops and pees all over the house, tears up suduko booklets, and goes through the trash when she was the one that left him out and at the time knew he was a problematic dog despite being sweet expecting me to just wake-up as soon as she left to look after the dog. It constantly feels as if I'm having to look after a grown adult who wants to constantly indulge in the things she wants so she indulges most of the things she desires, but doesn't want to prioritize over other desires so she puts them onto me when they NEED to be taken care of. I want to clarify I don't have a job while trying to go through college these past years except one year I was working part-time in between classes. However I do have designated times where I study best, and I often tried to tell my mother these times or schedules. She would feel entitled to this time, often screaming at me that animals are living creatures that needs to be prioritized first. I wouldn't mind this if at times this did not take a good 2-3 hours of taking care of animals, on top of cleaning, and cooking.
I wouldn't mind if for the most part she took care of the animals she desired to look after. Problem is for the longest time it had been a double-standard as she is very hypocritical, often telling me I can't go out or I should have prioritized my time better when I see my fiance to take care of my studies while she runs out all the time to do things she wants never needs.While I'm at a point in my life I need to sit down, do studies, get prepped even further for a job in a desired field I want, I need to be on schedule in order to anticipate events days in advance, I need communication in advance, I need outlet for my anxiety of preparing not looking after animals for hours on end. My fiance had noticed her hypocrisy and hates that she rants and raves about prioritizing needs over wants when her defense for ignoring that exact advics is that she earned her right to buy nice things, and that because I live under her roof I have to abide by her rules.
I get that last part to a certain extent, but at this point it feels like her desires are becoming my chores that I did not ask for, nor is standard chores for daily living just daily desires for things I'll never desire making me more resentful that I'm stuck with them instead of her stepping up to take care of her things, so that I can get on living my life. At is point it feels pointless trying to organize anything in my life, and I feel like I'm going to where no matter what I try do due to my mother's entitled additude. My pre-existing CPTSD does not help either with this feeling of being overwhelmed as if I have no control and that this is all just pointless; that I have no voice and I should just die as a means of escaping this seemingly pointless cycle of cleaning, studying, taking care of too many animals, have two days with one person I like/love rinse repeat.
Tldr; Entitled mother takes up all my time due to her desires not needs, forcing me to take care of what she wants. Meanwhile I need to get my life in order, but it feel pointless when my mother keeps adding new stuff into the picture never cleaning up after herself. I'm depressed from the mess, and wasted time on classes I can't focus on due to being a live in maid/rancher that if I don't do things immediately that she abandons on me she screams or tries to guilt trip me. I'm trying to get out of this but need some motivation or means of focusing to gtfo.
|
ptsd
|
I watched it all in one night. Well not necessarily night, i guess it was more of a morning. Anyway, last I slept was at 8-12 pm. Now it’s 7 am and I started at 4. Someone please help I hate myself.
|
depression
|
I'm just really excited to have found this community and am looking forward to engaging and finding support as well. Thank you.
|
ptsd
|
I left my abuser, came to terms with the trauma he gifted me, relocated to a different area to escape the daily triggers, endured a re-traumatizing, exhausting investigation and sentencing where he was charged with crimes that didn’t include the horrific things he had made me suffer. I still put him away for a year, and that was something. I started EMDR and went every week for months. I was healing. I became a dog and cat mom for the first time in my life. I went back to school. I was finding myself again. And quicker than anything, faster than I could process, my baby Dagger, my 10 month old kitten, was ripped out of my arms and killed right before my eyes three nights ago.
No one expected it. We were just having the neighbors over for dinner and their dog saw him in my arms and snatched him by his head and chased him and chased him and chased him for the longest 10 seconds of my life and then he killed him. I don’t remember getting bitten or scratched, I was just trying to save my poor baby. He was so scared he pooped all over me. My brother lifted the dog and that’s when he finally let go. Dagger ran under our deck and hid where he knew I could never reach him. I saw him lay down all of a sudden and I knew he was suffering. I crawled under there and he let me bring him out and he didn’t look right, his neck was broken, every part of him was broken, he was making these horrible pained noises, and we rushed to the animal hospital but none of it was enough. I wasn’t fast enough, I couldn’t save him. I held him so close and I loved him, I loved him, god I loved him. His beautiful green eyes were watching the trees pass outside the car window, and then he looked at me and he made one last sound, and then he was gone. I felt when he went, when he stopped breathing. I’ve never felt anyone die in my arms before, or in front of me, I’ve never had to see it happen. I couldn’t stop holding his lifeless body, I didn’t ever want to let him go.
I can’t get any of it out of my head. I failed him. He was so special. I never knew a bond like this, never met anyone like him. I’ve never hurt this way before. To get a taste of happiness, only to have it taken away again. My hand was bitten by the dog and I had to sit in the ER for 3 hours reliving every moment of the horrible night until I got seen. We buried him the next morning. I can’t get out of bed, can’t complete assignments, can’t eat, can’t think without my thoughts running into him. Everything is a reminder. He was my world. I am broken.
|
ptsd
|
I’m not quite sure why I’m like this but I always do things to the extremes. I’m either working really hard or not at all. I’m either being extremely social or not at all. I never am in between. I become a completely different person constantly and it’s confusing. I’m either addicted to something or I won’t do it at all if that makes any sense. Like I don’t do things the normal amount of time. I don’t set aside some time to read everyday. I go days without reading and suddenly one day I feel motivated to read an entire book. Im not a big drinker or anything but as soon as I got my hands on some alcohol I drank a ton.
|
ADHD
|
And if you are born on a time that I wont exist, do not be scared and you will find me either as a star when you are walking alone through the frozen night, either in the eyes of a child that will pass you by, ...................................................
you shall see my bright face shaping a constellation, to smile at you and whisper you: "good night"
Τhis is a simple translation (not 100% accurate or full) of some lyrics from a song.
My ex-girlfriend send me those. Somehow, they trigger one of my worries. What if when we die, we are being born again in a new body? Think about it because it makes sense. Humans have been living for many, many years. Suddenly, I exist and I have feelings. Suddenly, you exist and you have feelings. Where we were before being born? Nothing? What made us suddenly to be born on the day we were born? Why we started having consciousness and feelings that day anod not 1000 years before? Maybe the same story will be repeat by being born in other bodies.
Sometimes, I imagine myself living in a world in which I am alone. As if my loved ones never existed. As if I am living in a new body but I remember my loved ones (relatives, friends, parents etc) and I wonder if they really existed.
It is a VERY SAD thought. Also, when I think that our dead loved ones and the loved ones that will die, that MAY not exist in afterlife and that they are just nothing, I get very sad.
I was raised as a Christian but lost my faith because:
1) If faith is the main way to go to heaven, it seems like gambling because many people are being raised with other religions and some others are losing faith because when it comes to faith it is natural for some people to believe and some others not. I cant blame people who do not believe why they do not believe. Unless if it is ok to try and be good and pray sometimes to Christian God while having lost faith.
2) There are testimonies of people seeing Jesus, having visions etc. I have heard about "evil" people becoming good Christians. Why? I guess some good and humble unbelievers (kids and adults) die without having faith. Why did not God appeared to them in but appeared to "evil" people?
3) God is creating the rules. Why God did not forgive us from the beginning and had Jesus crucified in a specific time?
4) I cant imagine good and humble atheists being tormented in hell eternally just because they did not have faith while some "evil" people live a life full of sins and suddenly, they decide to become Christians. (with or without a vision). It is as if some people are luckier and they get saved on the last minute but what about people who had no faith and made some sins as kids or as young adults, and died really young. Some may have commited suicide due to depression. I cant understand why these people ended up in hell while some others just got lucky or had the gift of a miracle.
When I think about this, I am losing my faith. I have almost lost all my faith. And I feel free. Free to do what I want. But... When I think about what happens after death, I get worried/sad and want Jesus to be real so I can have hope.
RIght now, maybe I am 50% agnostic and 50% christian or someth
|
OCD
|
I’ve had two nightmares in the past two days and I’m so scared to fall asleep at night because I might have a nightmare. Moreover I already struggle with insomnia
|
ptsd
|
how does everyone deal with people constantly making light of ptsd? how do i stop being so angry with people who don’t understand?
|
ptsd
|
TW: Murder
I hate when people tell me to "move on" or "forgive myself". When people pretend they understand survivor's guilt at all, like they have any idea what it's like. Tell me "it's not that bad" and to "get over it". Acting like they're the ones who went skipping home from school, right past the house someone they called a friend was lying in a pool of his own blood, cut open next to his sister by a mother who had lost her mind. Talking like they know what its like to be kept up by sirens that hadn't passed by in 8 years. By the sound of his laughter. Like they're the ones seeing his face in strangers on the street. Like they know what it's like to spend every second of their life wishing they had known. That they could have changed things. They don't have that part of them in the back of their head telling them that they're just as responsible for his death as his mother. Because it was a choice to not call that day wasn't it?! It was a choice to ignore him! If I had called to organize something like I planned to, the paramedics would have arrived on time and they'd still be alive! They aren't the ones with people dead because they were a bad friend!
|
ptsd
|
How should i tell my friends that i'm suffering from depression? I thought something like 'you proberaly noticed a change in my behavoir and that's because i have depression. And even though you have nothing to do about it i just wanted to say that was the reason'.
|
depression
|
So I think i have harmOCD and I'm scared I'm going to harm my brother whom I love so much. Basically I'm scared I'm gonna do something to him. We've been building some furniture recently and once I felt a compulsion to hold the hammer to see if I would get an urge to do something but I never caved in and did anything. Anyway I'm having quite a bad day today and just wanted to be done with this OCD shit, so we're outside and we're are building something. He passes me this hammer and whilst I didn't freeze, i just put it down rather quickly. Then I thought "you know what I'm done being scared of this" and held it again near him to basically see if I would get the urge. It was quite an impulsive thing. I got quite anxious and I saw my brother with his head down and I thought "what if I do it???". I didn't get any urges to do anything just anxiety. I put it down and carried on.
Now I'm freaking out that I've taken some "next step" by acting on this compulsion. Previously it was all just in my mind and now I feel like I've done some horrible thing because I acted on something and made a movement to DO something, even if it was just to check a compulsion.
Im also reading imp of the mind and in chapter 3 he mentions a guy who he kinda suspected would act on his thoughts, one of the reasons being he pointed an rifle at his parents to show that he wouldn't do it. When I read that I freaked out. He mentions that the main reason he felt this person may do something was because he was angry and didn't show remorse (whereas I'm freaking out and feeling really fucking guilty).
Am I going crazy? Is this normal? Holy shit.....
|
OCD
|
Is it considered "harm ocd" when one becomes so afraid of harming another person that they develop a fear of harming the other person in order to *neutralize* their fear of harming that person? They think, "I am afraid I will suddenly do it just to 'get it over with'." Is that harm OCD as well?
Sorry, I am not well educated on OCD. Thank you for any feedback you can provide.
|
OCD
|
Soon it'll be the annual "let's berate my attitude" gathering towards me. I just know, that if I ever open up my feelings to those fuckers, it'll be turned into an argument of how I should be grateful for being raised by a bunch of losers, who expect me to become a great person by yelling at me when I tell that I'm being bullied in school. When my mom is done for, I'll fucking disown this goddamn herd of dysfunctional fucktards, who brought me to this fucked up planet with their fucked up mindset.
Somehow it's just so fucking hard for them to realize, that if I'm being raised by burned out idiots with no concern of my mental health AND a school that'd surely let the bullies kill me if they got away with it, I'll be left too insecure to even try to relate to other people.
Oh and when I've finally got myself well enough to move on, underperforming has been normalized to the point where all the peers on the internet, AND in real life support groups, are nothing but cringy idiots with their stupid, brain-melting "jokes" that are based on memes based on corporate property. Perfect 👌! No job, no prospects, no girlfriend, nothing. Just a studio apartment rented from some "let's humiliate you even further" foundation.
Sure, the gap between a worthy life and my "merits" is beyond repair, so just lower your expectations, right? FUCK NO! I'm fucking tired of these fucking degenerates that I've been surrounded by. 30 years of living in this dying planet and nowhere to go. So what are you gonna do? Probably get myself killed in this minefield that life is, if I dare. Fuck, even gangsters have it better than me. So why not join them then? Who ever asks such a stupid question is the kind of person that'd fit my "family" quite well.
Merry fucking Christmas or good holidays to those students who normalized denying facts for their feelings. It's not like my mental health needs any consideration, right? Or what about the privileged hogging all the therapy services over a crack on their precious, overpriced golden vase from some ancient Fuckistan or something?
|
aspergers
|
Does anybody after watching a porn video afraid that they are into something that they’re not. For example after watching a nsfw video with a mom in it, you think you have some fetish or you are into incest. Does this have to do with my ocd?? (Also the tag at the top of the video was labeled “fetish” which gives me even more anxiety. Any tips??
|
OCD
|
Today I lost my grandfather which has obviously been an emotional mess. However it solidified how much I use distractions to avoid feelings. I had to leave work abruptly today due to everything and the ride down there I kept talking about how I hated this to happen at work and how I couldn't get my work done or the money I was going to lose by being out but I know that's not why I thought of those things. I filled my brain with it to keep myself from crying or panicking over everything. When the subject of me coming back to town a few times this weekend I kept telling myself that I needed my own personal time to regroup before I go back to work and how I won't have any free time once I go back to work for a few weeks. I know that it's not necessarily that, but it's that Im trying to avoid more despair at the moment. Allowing myself to grieve isn't exactly difficult. It's been uncontrollable all day to not cry ever 10 mins but it makes my head hurt, nose run, etc so I can't just cry non stop. I feel it all and I know that the feeling is going to get worse before it gets better. I know I'm hurting, it's obvious I'm hurting but what is admitting it going to change for me? I'd bury myself in work, hobbies, alcohol, food just to have some time where I'm not focused on everything that isn't going well.
|
ADHD
|
I don’t go on this sub too much as I found it quite triggering in the past (scared of forming new obsessions :)), but I just wanted to share that I faced my biggest fear today after months of building up courage. I was going to build up slowly, but remembered what my therapist said and thought fuck it. I already feel so much better to how I was a year ago (very anxious, not wanting to do anything, doing compulsions). If your feeling anxious about facing your fears - just go for it ! While I was doing it I was very anxious but I stuck with it. If I can do it than so can you.
|
OCD
|
So October is domestic violence awareness month and I was diagnosed a little over a year ago with PTSD from my abusive relationship with my ex. I openly posted on social media about my domestic violence experience the last day in October two years ago and this year I decided to take control of the month by posting a fact/statistic every day for the month of October on my IG and Tiktok.
It may not be much but it makes me feel like I have control over the situation and I’m actually really proud of myself for doing it and making other people more aware of how prominent the problem is in modern day relationships ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
|
ptsd
|
I have a ridiculous walk. I roll my hips like a stripper. And yes it is problematic and embarrassing and I keep putting off making a concerted effort at being aware of it and training myself to walk more normally.
|
aspergers
|
So, first off, I have aspergers, and my mom still doesn't believe that it's actually an issue. She thinks that I can "grow out of it" and choose to be "more normal". Every time I am forced to be around anything that gives off a strong odor, my mom says I'm just being fussy and acting stupid.
I'm into some weird things, like collecting plastic animals, and she never bothers to hide that look of disappointment she has whenever she catches a glimpse of these objects.
Being isolated from having problems with social interaction has caused my life to be torturous. Again, my mother doesn't believe that my autism is the culprit.
In my early childhood, I liked drawing, and so I made a picture of a person with a toilet plunger attached to their stomach. I thought it was funny, and so I showed my teachers. That was the biggest mistake of my life. The teacher told every adult in that whole school (around 60 people) that I had some traumatic experience that caused me to draw seemingly inappropriate pictures. The principal would lock me in her office to interrogate me, asking if my parents "touched me". They then threatened to send social services to my house to have me taken away, forever. When they couldn't manage to have that happen, those same teachers placed my desk at the very farthest corner of the room, alone. I was taunted and laughed at for being the weird kid that got traumatized. For the longest time, I believed all of them, that I was an ugly creature that was beaten and deserved it. To this day, I still sometimes feel like killing myself because I'm unwanted.
I dont know what to do with my life, or if it's even worth trying.
|
aspergers
|
I thought this shit would make things better, a change of scenery, forcing me to socialise etc. I take this stale education like I always have my whole life, but other guys here are actually PASSIONATE about what they’re learning? It’s insane how these guys are going to society’s and meet-ups and doing projects in their spare time and I don’t even enjoy thinking about education or living long enough to have a job in this shit
I guess the idea of having aspirations and pursuing them is just alien to me, I just sit in my room all day, I can’t even gather the interest to play a game or watch a movie, least of all to do work in a subject I don’t give a fuck about. But these guys are happy to complete the work, passionate. Insanity
|
depression
|
I'm new to all this - I only began to truly consider the possibility of my having OCD very recently. Google was doing nothing to answer my question, so I thought this sub might be able to help.
|
OCD
|
I have 0 problem with the other autistic traits but this is one is out of my reach. I am 15 so I don't think I can learn by myself if I could not learn in 15 years. Is there a way for me to learn any other way because I have never masked in my entire life and I have no idea on what social cues mean or how to engage in a small talk.
|
aspergers
|
I'm fully aware that on the grand bell-curve of the global population's intellect, I'm probably smack dab in the middle. I don't think I'm particularly smart, but I get really tired of feeling dumb. I can be spacey, I can be oblivious, and worst of all my brain tends to take very strange approaches to concepts and problems so I always seem to take longer to fully grasp something.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I haven't seen many people explain this last problem. Especially in school, when I'd approach a problem or learning a new concept, it's like my brain starts off by looking at everything inside out and upside down. But I dont know it's inside out or upside down, so I just start trying to piece everything together.
I always get most of it, but there's always something vital that's missing, something that I just can't seem to straighten out. So I go get help and explain what I'm thinking and what is still eluding me, and the person typically understands where I'm at but does not understand how the hell I got there. They give me their explanation which of course presents the concept right side out and right side up... and then it just clicks.
Oh. My. God. Duh.
It was there the whole time, I had most of it, and everything I'd pieced together makes perfect sense now. I know I'm not dumb because once it does click I have a very firm grasp of it, but I still hate that feeling of overlooking the most obvious stuff - you know, the place where most people start?
Anyways, vent over, now to go back to trying not to needlessly overcomplicwte things!
|
ADHD
|
I have this problem all the time especially when my ADHD symptoms are super bad. I also have PMDD so during my hormonal changes they get even worse. Anyone else struggle with this? For example I accidentally voided a transaction at work because a lady didn’t want her receipt. Normally I know just to print the receipt anyways but I couldn’t think or rationalize and I just voided it and the lady left after I already did that and couldn’t track her down so we lost a lot of money in sales. I almost lost my job because of a “careless mistake”. It really pisses me off because I know what to do, I know I’m not stupid. If anything I’m really intelligent. I just can’t think clearly. Please tell me I’m not alone.
|
ADHD
|
I’m very proud of myself today, I finally successfully shared the details of my obsessions to my therapist after 7 years of keeping them to myself. I was so terrified he would write me off as a bad person but he did not. He was completely understanding and sympathetic and we started working on strategies to deal with my obsessive thoughts and compulsions. There’s a massive weight off my chest.
Keep it up everyone, whether you have a therapist or not, I believe in all of you! 💜💜💜
|
OCD
|
I really need help I'm so confused and lost on what to do. I've been on elvanse for 6 weeks now and my chest pains are really bad BP and pulse are fine but its like this stressed anxious feeling that is worse than ever before. I told them I don't think this medication is for me but they literally just tell me to " go and speak to your GP"
They're not reassuring me, helping me or offering
me advise... I've asked if I could try non stimulant medication a few times but they just flick it off. I've asked to lower the dose but they just flick it off.
I was sure I wanted to come off this medication but now the phsychiatrist pointed out that it is helping my ADHD ...because I've said so in the past.
I'm finding it so hard to control the chest pain and anxiety. This whole ADHD thing is confusing me so much. Do I just keep pushing through???? 😭
|
ADHD
|
I haven’t eaten in days. The thought of any form of food is making me feel sick. I feel alone. I’m scared. I can’t breathe. I’m in so much pain. Just touching my own skin hurts. Im at rock bottom and I haven’t even got the energy to even try to swim to the surface for air. My heart feels like it’s in a vice and every time I think of anything that even resembles her, that vice gets tighter and tighter. I said I’d be fine. I said I’d be okay without her as long as she was happy. Cause since she walked into my life, all I’ve ever wanted was for her to be happy. But even though I can see she is, my selfishness can’t cope. I’ve been in two minds. Do I set her free in my heart and bide my time carrying on trying to swim up for air and hope that one day she’ll fly back to me and realise that she does actually love me and want me in her life? Or do I just do what is probably best for everyone involved and just end it? She said she became too dependant on me and I on her, but isn’t that what a relationship is about? Being able to rely on someone that loves you unconditionally? I never thought I ever made her feel like she couldn’t be her own person. That she couldn’t live her own life. But she said I have and for that I’m truly truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. Weighing the pros and cons of everything, my life was good when it was with her and now that I’m not, everything seems impossible. I’m drowning in sorrow and this grief is unbearable. I want her to be happy and I know that’s never going to happen while in I’m the picture. So I’ve faced the jury of my own mind and Im guilty. Guilty of not giving her her best life. Of smothering her until she couldn’t breathe herself. I’m guilty of pressuring her into feeling obligated to love me. And I can’t bear living with the realisation that I’ve hurt her so much over the years. So with that, my two minds become one. I know what I have to do. She told me that leaving me made her feel a freedom shes never felt before so I’m giving her that for good. And I know she’ll never forgive me, and I know she’ll say I’m selfish and that it wasn’t fair on her and she’ll hate me even more than she already does. But one day, when she’s out at the park with her wife and children that she so so deserves, she’ll a deep breath in and the wind will blow through her hair and she’ll realise how happy she is, and hopefully then, she’ll understand why I did what I had to do.
She’s a beautiful human being, inside and out and she’s going to make someone the happiest person alive, trust me I know from experience 🙂 She deserves the world and nothing less. And I truly hope she never lets anyone ever tell her any different. I just wish it could’ve been me to give it to her.
|
depression
|
So I don’t know if anyone else has this problem, but right know every fiver in my body is screaming because I really want to play this game that I’m obsessed with but I should be studying really hard for my midterms. How can I get pass this ? Also does this happen to you guys ? Because if often happens to me and not just gaming it could be anything really
|
ADHD
|
i'll just come right out and say that i'm jealous when someone says that meds for adhd was an overnight success, like they suddenly were able to function and things were better. (not perfect, of course, i know that medication doesn't erase our disability.) but i've been trying for 2 years with various doctors to find some kind of balance, some combination of medications that actually manages my symptoms. i'm better with every change, mostly, but there's a change almost every month, tweaking this dosage, adding that medication, taking away some other pill. for all the effort from my doctors, i'm still a far way off and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. my doctors agree that i'm a challenge, but that we'll figure it out eventually.
it bears mentioning that my adhd is complicated by other diagnoses. still, these other conditions are common with adhd. i feel so broken.
|
ADHD
|
I’m always scared that I’m going crazy or developing a different serious mental disorder (such as schizophrenia or basically any other psychotic disorder). I’ve suffered from OCD my whole life and this past year has been the worst for me with it. However, this past week has suddenly been unbearable. I genuinely feel as if I’m losing my mind. I’m constantly looking around me or listening intensely to try and see if I’m having any sort of hallucinations. My intrusive thoughts are insane and violent and awful and feel more like urges than anything and I’m so scared that means I’m going to do something bad. My emotions sometimes even feel as though they turn off. Like I won’t feel anything and that makes it even worse because what if that means I actually want to do these things? I also keep getting these strange pains and sensations in my head that feel awful and sometimes it makes my eyes water even. It happens along with the thoughts mostly and I just don’t know what to do. I’m so scared that every little noise or random things in my peripheral that aren’t there are for sure hallucinations. I woke up this morning and all I can feel is fear. Just surges of anxiety and fear pulsing through me and that’s not usual for me. Even these past 3 months have honestly been good and I thought I was doing much better and then out of nowhere this happens. It hasn’t been this bad and I’m just so scared that I’m developing/already have a psychotic disorder and/or that I’m capable of hurting other people. I feel like I’m actually experiencing symptoms of those disorders because I’m always on the lookout for them and scared they’re going to happen. What if that’s part of a psychotic disorder? Just not knowing if you’re developing it or not? I’m terrified. I don’t think I’ve been this scared before. Please, if anyone has any information on this, I would be so grateful to hear it.
|
OCD
|
I submitted my application to graduate school today! Now here comes my real challenge: waiting.
Any tips on how to not hyperfixate on things like this? I find myself obsessively checking results for exams and whatnot, and I am probably going to do the same with my email waiting to see my acceptance/denial letter, which I *know* is at least a month away from arriving. How do you cope with waiting?
|
ADHD
|
You know what bugs me everyone go out have fun chat with girls ask a girl out but i cant do that because i have 0 experience in life
|
aspergers
|
I recently deleted an old comment of mine on another account and now I feel afraid that someone might get angry or something that it's gone and decide to research me and hack me, which could impact my real life. I'm also now afraid that someone will do the same to this new account because for whatever reason especially because I won't be able to answer any comments for a while and might come off as rude . It's torture. I know looking for reassurance isn't helpful but I can't seem to stop. Is it even possible to hack someone like that on reddit? On a bigger picture level, does anyone have any advice for stopping these types of obsessive thoughts about uncertainty?
|
OCD
|
How do you deal with those moments where you just all of a sudden feel drained and want too sleep? Medication has definitely helped me, these moments are less common, but I've had to go a couple days without any and just can't seem to do anything but nap.
It's so frustrating because I want to paint, go outside etc, but I just can't. Everything is foggy and too overwhelming and exhausting.
|
ADHD
|
I'm not a person with malicious intent and I would never harm anyone, but I keep thinking for whatever reason I'll lose it and end up doing something stupid. I've been blacked out on alcohol dozens of times and have never drove or done any ridiculous shit, but I fear going crazy or breaking the law.
I'm extremely paranoid and I don't leave the house. I have severe PTSD and insomnia and the paranoia is really severe and I'm hypervigilant and afraid of everyone and everything. I can't get out of my own head. I don't have audio/visual hallucinations, and I'm 22 so I don't think this is schizophrenia.
I'm just not sure what to do. I'm a prescribed Xanax addict and that shit is the only thing that really helps, but I can't up my dose and lose my mind and destroy my mental faculties further. I'm not sure if anything can be done about this at this point. I really wish there were some type of medication I could take, Lexapro and Trazodone just don't help. I'm miserable.
|
OCD
|
I can see why only a handful of people even care about me. I suppose that makes me lucky, but really they’re just holding me back from ending it all.
I’ll never be anyone’s first choice for anything. No one wants to give a gay ugly loser the time of day. Just fuck uuggggh
Don’t know if this is the right sub for this but I just need to type this all out. I’m at my wit’s end. Just fuck everything. I’d be better off dead
|
depression
|
I knew it was a massive and difficult step, from not letting anyone in the room for more than a few minutes to letting someone sleep in my own bed. Even though I changed the sheets and cleaned the whole room before and after because the intrusive thoughts were getting bad, I am proud of myself. She is coming to sleepover again this friday, and I hope it goes well.
|
OCD
|
I don’t really remember a time in my life where I was able to.
|
aspergers
|
My thoughts are getting more harder to handle I’m starting to get confused on if it’s me or not and it freaks me out. I can’t take it anymore it’s so exhausting. I just feel like complete ish because of these thoughts, it’s not like here and there is literally every second even when I’m just doing random stuff that doesn’t trigger a thought like doing math homework and idk why, I try and push them away and I know I shouldn’t give a reaction but like I said I can’t figure out if I’m doing it because of them happening a lot and it just starts or if it’s the intrusive thoughts being annoying. I really just want it to stop.
|
OCD
|
A lot of things are real and they go beyond our headspace. Not everything is done because of some weird psychological belief we have of ourselves. I think we also tend to overanalyze human behaviors and put psychological emphasis on them
One example I can think of
“Looking down is a sign of low self confidence”
Or it’s a sign that I forgot to care what you think. Was I looking up, down, right, left, or straight when I went to the smoke shop yesterday? I don’t know nor do I care
Another one is confidence. People talk about confidence as if it’s all in your head and real world factors have nothing to do with it. A lot of times, it is substantiated with real world evidence. I’m not confident that I’ll make new friends after leaving old groups because my history shows that it doesn’t happen.
|
aspergers
|
I don't know where if ever it's appropriate to express this thought.
I have to take care of my parents, they need me so if I go now it'll harm them. But when I'm done with taking care of them, I'll go too.
I don't want to make any plans, meet anyone, continue this vicious cycle. I don't see any reason to stick around other than the duties I accrued by virtue of my birth. It's all meaningless and yet so painful.
If I leave this shitty world after I've discharged my duties, it shouldn't still be problematic right? I'm not harming anyone, just putting an end to my mistery.
|
depression
|
I feel so alone. Even when I'm with others I feel like I don't belong. Part of me wants to be close with others. Part of me wants, no, hopes, to find that person that will stick around until the end. But at the same time I'm scared. I'm scared to let anyone in. I'm scared to be myself because everyone leaves once I open up. I hate how fake I am in public to hide how I really feel. I hate that I feel alone even though I know there are people that care (I hope). I hate how I feel like I waste everyone's time and that people probably are happier without me there. I just want to feel accepted. I want that someone that I can text, call, or go home to, that knows I'm not ok and still loves me regardless.
|
depression
|
Am I alone in this opinion? I've never seen an actual autistic character on popular media who acts like the autistic people I know. Not one.
I've seen characters we, as a community, embrace and identify as autistic. And they're promptly declared by the shows creators as absolutely NOT autistic. 😠😒
Every character on TV who says "I'm autistic" is often a stereotype. With their most distracting or weird traits amplified, and any hint of passing for "normal" stripped from them.
It's to the point I want to scream and track down the writers of shows and scream at them over social media.
Am I alone?
|
aspergers
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.