body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I miss the the time where I had friends to play Overwatch, Destiny, Minecraft, etc. with. I was still miserable and suicidal quite often but now I'm completely consumed by loneliness and apathy. Either I am suicidal or completely apathetic, there nothing in-between, lucky for me I guess, I havd found and gathered everything I need to kill myself quite effectively, I am just waiting for the final push now. No one cares, it doesn't make a difference if I am dead or alive.
|
depression
|
I’ve been on it for about a year now, and I feel that Im way more fun obsessive and compulsory when im in a relationship. I have ROCD but it’s never been this bad before. I’m curious if anyone’s intrusive thoughts have got worse taking lamictal?
|
OCD
|
Put a toy in the sink and threw a dirty plate down the stairs
While burning my lunch
And I haven't even started the finals I took off work today to do.
I don't really need support just, ugh, it's just one of those days.
I promise I'll leave to get the photos I need for a final presentation sideshow the second I finish eating this super crispy lunch.
|
ADHD
|
Hi All,
I am on a journey of self discovery, I was diagnosed with Aspergers recently and am wondering if I also have ADHD.
Does anyone have the same problem? they know how to fix their problems but just don’t for some unexplained reason. Is that Aspergers of ADHD?
|
aspergers
|
I'm gonna be starting on 25mg, not really sure what to expect. Did it significantly reduce your symptoms? Did you get any side effects?
|
OCD
|
Before you realized you had PTSD, where there ever times when you thought you must have been asleep and having weird nightmares but in retrospect, realize it was likely flashbacks or intrusive images?
|
ptsd
|
I don’t want to live achieving nothing in life. But I seriously don’t have a passion for anything anymore.
|
depression
|
My friend asked me the likelihood of killing myself and I told them 50-50, but they seemed so concerned that I had to play it off as if I was joking. I’m tired of just “joking” and I’m starting to spiral into a place that I’m not sure I want to make it out of.
|
depression
|
Universities and workplaces should stop telling lies. Nobody gives a damn and nobody supports anyone. I tried this so called study support session. It's basically 30 minutes of assistance for grammar with a teacher who understands nothing about the subject, assignment or marking criteria giving advice.
I swear, they put these jobs out here just to create jobs. This benefits the money makers higher up the food chain to give these people jobs. Absolute waste of time.
I knew it would be like this. Any time anyone has ever said they would support my learning has just lied and got angry at me whenever I didn't perform to their expectations. These policies about helping disabled students are just for show, and the only way you can actually win is by making legal complaints.
"Your autism is probably worse than you think, you've just never had any support so you were forced to mask. Here are the options that are available to help you"... Honestly, it should be a crime against human rights to give people hope like this. It honestly makes me wonder, how many autistic people could actually be more independent and have better social skills if they weren't spoon fed all this "support" at school and coddled by their parents because of a diagnosis? Is this system literally profiting from keeping us weak?
I'm in my mid twenties and wasn't diagnosed until I was in my early twenties, and honestly, my social skills are just getting better and better, and I was functioning perfectly well at work and stuff. Yes, I struggled with some things, until I found strategies to mitigate these struggles and practiced on them. And the diagnosis didn't even help people to understand, it didn't make a difference.
Well, as for university... My writing skills have just improved over these last 2 years. I've learnt how to write more analytically and put structure to my essays. How? Well... By going to the academic writing sessions provided by the library, and acting off feedback from previous assignments.
And guess what? Had I not been lazy at secondary school and paid more attention in class, or revised a little more for tests and did a bit of extra work at home when I was younger, I'd probably already have learnt the skills required to write a good essay. These disability support tutors... Ugh it's just a business. It's almost like all the other fake jobs they create, and the forced innovation they impose upon students because making up fake shit that might make money for the institution is more important than actually teaching students how to be good at the subject.
|
aspergers
|
My body felt like it was on the knife edge of a meltdown all day. However my brain tried to keep it from turning into a mental breakdown by running some kind of logic loop. I have zero idea why this happened and I see my therapist tomorrow and I am going to talk to her about it. Today has been an off day for me
|
aspergers
|
I just had a look at the stacks of paperwork they want me to complete before seeing the psychiatrist and one of the questions is what do you expect from this process and it has me thinking because I thought it would be a lot of assessments and screening tools and history but from the looks of the pre appointment paperwork im doing all those before hand. I'm sure they don't actually care that I don't know but now Im nervous and curious especially since the appointments are both1.5-2 hours . Australian if that makes any difference.
|
ADHD
|
I am fully aware I have OCD my doctor knows and I get help for it. However there is one aspect that i’ve never really talked about with anyone as I wasn’t sure if it was OCD. But, I was wondering if it was possible to have OCD towards people rather than objects?
My childhood hasn’t been the best, I lost my mum young and my dad left then as well so, maybe this comes from wanting to be accepted/having some form of attachment to someone. But I find myself not ‘loving’ someone but instead becoming obsessed by someone and seeking validation/attachment from them. I would never do anything to control someone or hurt someone, if anything I change myself to make them as happy as they can be.
Be once i’ve ‘got’ that person and we are together for a little while, the obsession breaks off and I realise that I don’t love them and it was just obsession. When I’m not with someone I’m obsessed with 1 person and I think i love them and then with a click of a finger I could swap to someone else.
I’m fully aware this isn’t ‘normal’ and i probably never will find ‘love’ as I truly don’t think i’m able to do feel it/have it as i’ve never felt it for anyone before. But, I was just wondering if anyone else has this un-normal behaviour. I get worried about telling my psychiatrist as i feel she’ll think i’m very very weird and could potentially hurt someone when in reality that’s the complete opposite of what I want.
If anyone can hand any advice it would be great!
|
OCD
|
I got a call this afternoon and my therapist suggested I find a new therapist. The reasoning was that my therapist is too ill-equipped to help me with what I'm going through. Given what we talked about during our last session and the way the phone call went, it made me feel like my having been sexually abused and the way I talked about it during sessions made me come off as some kind of disgusting pervert for getting as graphic as I did.
I was offered a referral. I don't think I'll take it. I've had people in the past break my trust. Therapists are supposed to be one of the few people you can trust without fear of judgement or abandonment. I'm not really up for seeing any new therapists. Ever.
|
ptsd
|
Each and every waking second is hell. I wake up each morning trying really hard. I tell myself to move forward and to keep going despite how horrible life is. Then the day goes by and being alive eats me away more and more…I’m so tired of lying to myself. I had a realization today that some of us were not meant to be here. I hate the saying that everyone’s life is important. I wish I could jus do it and pull the trigger but I already hate myself enough that I can’t even make that decision myself because nothing I do is right and everything about myself is a mistake.
|
depression
|
I legitimately need to be in bed for 9 or 10 hours every night to feel ok. If I sleep less, I easily get migraines and have all the symptoms associated with sleep deprivation. My Fitbit says that when I'm in bed for 9 hours I only get about 8.5 hours of actual sleep and when I'm in bed for 10 I get about 9. I did a sleep study before but they didn't find anything abnormal except very borderline sleep apnea, so they told me to sleep on my side. But my theory is that my brain just has to work so hard during the day to do normal people stuff and mask all day that I need a lot of time to recover. My mom, who is almost definitely on the spectrum, sleeps a lot too, but the rest of my family sleeps quite little and are not on the spectrum. What are other people's experiences with sleep?
|
aspergers
|
I feel like I never have motivation until something is an emergency. I’m lucky I have a job where it’s basically all emergencies all day, so I can kind of thrive in the chaos. But the truth is that I feel like I’m so dependent on my amygdala chemicals telling me to panic in order to just get normal things done. Amorphous tasks with no finite deadline? I will literally never do it.
It’s kept me functioning but it’s exhausting my brain and my body. I’m on meds which helps smooth it out a bit, but I find myself like, telling my boss that something I haven’t done is already finished so that I feel stressed out enough to accomplish it, for example.
Any tips on breaking this cycle?
|
ADHD
|
I am afraid the take the vaccine because of the nocebo effect. You can read online about it and that anxiety and high stress can cause permanent damage to your body.
​
I barely can take my meds and just cannot possibly take the vaccine without much stress and fear. I know that the vaccine is mostly harmless, and it won't possibly cause and problems, but I am afraid that my barin would!
​
My employer recently made it mandatory to take the vaccine, but I just cannot! What should I do?
|
OCD
|
Hi all,
I'm looking for more songs to add to my feel better playlist. It's the music I play when I'm in the throws of some of that Rejection Sensitivity. It doesn't always work, but at least I feel a little bit more calm when I play it.
This is what I have so far:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6UG3vPnLTfRgI5zT8cC81X?si=zB4i-IzfRFm-cPsUJPZ2sg
What's on your version of this playlist? I'll take any suggestions! I like hearing new music, I'll listen to anything!
|
ADHD
|
So this happened a while before covid-19. My boyfriend asked me to the dance with him, at my old highschool (I moved to a different part of the state and switched schools) and I was very excited. We hadn't seen each other in person in over a year, though we call each other often and text every day. My mom decides to give me a long lecture about girls getting pregnant at these dances. Then she proceeded to make some racist comments (he's biracial) and just insult him a lot. Then she said he only wants me for my body. Said he didn't really love me, just that "guys like him just want a quick f*ck" and then leave. He's a very geeky boy, one of the things I love about him, and he would never do that. We've been together 4 years (this December makes 5) and I was pretty annoyed about how she talked about him. Then! She goes on to say that if I get pregnant I'm not welcome in her house anymore. The day before the dance, I was having dinner with my stepmom while dad was at work, and she stared at her phone with a wtf look. I asked her what was wrong and she showed me. Apparently my mom had messaged her about it, and told my stepmom that I would make a horrible mother, because of all my 'issues'. She pointed out how i was 'mentally unstable' and then listed out the things i can't do because of my trauma. It honestly hurt more than i let on, but my stepmom just hugged me because she knew. I've always wanted a baby, but i won't have one until after highschool, because I have a bunch of pregnant friends in school who are having a very hard time.
Tl;Dr : My mom has so little trust in me that she thinks the 2 hours I am getting to see my bf will get me pregnant. Then she goes behind my back telling people I'll be an awful mother.
|
ptsd
|
1. i'm getting stressed from my family to get my grades up even when my grades aren't that bad and i just want to stop being tormented by them even though i know they want the best for me and i'm just so scared of them finding out i wanna die again (they found out 7 months ago and it didn't go well)
2. in my school, there were recent incidents of students wanting to kill themselves in addition to the whole school having to do the line game sometime in the school year, and now i'm worried of people in my school finding out
i don't feel like i can tell anyone about what's going on and i know it's not much but it's really paining me and it feels better if i tell people, even if they're internet strangers
|
depression
|
Has anyone else noticed their ADHD symptoms have gotten even more unmanageable after a COVID infection? I've tried to Google it, but it's not coming up with much. It's so much harder for me now than it already was to literally just accomplish anything. It's like I can't find any dopamine from anything at all. I don't want to do anything. I hate working, which I used to love. I keep leaving my perfectly good jobs because I just can't anymore. It's been 9 months since I had COVID.
Anyone else??
|
ADHD
|
Saw this post that said social anxiety is more so being scared of what they’ll think of you but asd is being scared you won’t know how to act or what to do?
Obviously we probably have both what’s your thoughts?
|
aspergers
|
Hi, I was given Sertraline 25mg by my doctor to treat depression and intrusive thoughts. I have never taken antidepressants before, I have not started yet. I'm worried honestly to start. I've been depressed for the longest as I can remember but I managed (thoughen up buttercup mentality and keep going no matter how hard it is), until recently where things just finally fell apart... I use to go to the gym 6 days a week, but because of this depression and the pandemic I've completely stopped for 2 years. I want to go back into it and I worry of what I should avoid when being on this medication. The last thing I want is to spiral into a massive episode by taking pre-workout and supplements. Any pointers or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
|
depression
|
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely numb and counting the days until he's out of the hospital.
I look at everything around me and I know it's all meaningless if he dies. Nothing was for anything and there isn't anything after.
I've known some time I'm not meant for this world. I've had reasons to stay, but never truly had one to go until now. Everything up until now was intangible and unsolvable.
Before meeting him, I knew nothing. Now I cannot flee the truth.
If I never hold you again, I'll still follow you into the dark.
|
depression
|
Sometimes I feel so alone.. like I'm the only one with these issues, thoughts, feelings and experiences. No one else seems to be able to relate to the things I feel and experience. I just want to know I'm not the only one who has experienced what I have and I'm not crazy or immensely screwed up for my thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Right now I feel like I suffer alone. Whenever I'm upset I can't even talk to my mum about it because she doesn't understand and gets annoyed at me. I am finally starting to talk about and deal with one of the biggest consequences of my trauma with my psychologist and I'm terrified to delve into it. It affects me so much and it's been so hard for me to talk about with my psych because the root cause of it is so shameful and embarrassing for me. I'm scared I'll never get through it. My psychologist said we can do some EMDR therapy for it but she doesn't know if it will work or not. I'm so scared to go into that part of my brain, what it might bring up that I've suppressed over the years, and that it won't work at all and I'll be stuck like this forever. Fuck PTSD
|
ptsd
|
I’ve grown more fucking tense as the night goes on!!! Any tips to help with the noise and being on edge from the fireworks?? Please help I was trying to stay calm and ignore it but I’m going insane!!!!
|
ptsd
|
I’m so pissed off with my former supposed “friends” of 11 years. One of them came over to London from Berlin and they went out for dinner on the Saturday night. I full on slept the whole weekend and didn’t leave my flat, so didn’t make the dinner. I got one text from one them saying “hi love everything ok?” And that was it. Then I went back into work on Monday and queue Tuesday and I messaged about our holiday on the Thursday where I’d booked a hotel and car. My friend replied “couldn’t got a hold of you, so we’ve booked to stay somewhere else, can you cancel the other one?” I called, left voicemails, texted, and went round to their place to speak to them. I literally got the door slammed in my face. I asked “what’s up” and they blamed me for being out of touch at the weekend. I said, “we’ve been friends for 11 years, I have a chronic illness which you know about, that I’ve had for 16 years, I’ve seen therapists, psychiatrists, am on multiple meds, been to rehab, and one of the symptoms of that illness is isolating and being out of touch. I was so angry, so I said “I’m done”. I couldn’t believe how people can pretend they “understand mental illness” and then go “you’ve could’ve text, we heard nothing from you”. It’s like saying I should be in control of my symptoms of depression. Can anyone relate? There’s a part of me that’s in shock that this has happened and wants to reconcile, and another part, that says, there’s absolutely no going back there. I just feel like the goal posts re their expectations were moved on without any conversation. They didn’t tell me, and once they did, they refused to talk to me. It feels awful that my best friends of 11 years could just throw me away like this.
|
depression
|
I’ve had ocd (hopefully) for a year now and every single time I have a form I’m just like so convinced. Now my entire life is just shut I’m a huge porn addict who just gave up on quitting so I’m just jerking off every single day and eating junk food. I sleep like 12 hours a day and I’m just a wreck. I just got pocd back It’s like I got a random felt attracted to like a 12 year old girl and Idek wtf is going on anymore. I used to hat these thoughts like pocd or hocd or any form but now it’s like idek. I feel no anxiety from any of these thoughts just normal. As I said my pocd is starting again it’s like I’m naturally aroused at this point and I get aroused at everything. Like for an example when I got that fucking attraction shit to that girl I felt like she acts older than her age like she acts like my girlfriend and I could see me having sex with her and all this other shit and I legitimately felt aroused I’m not joking. I’m 17 and to a 12 year old girl?! Wtf. And also I naturally just feel like I’m a serial killer deep inside of my heart like every single day. Like I feel like one day I’m just gonna have so much frustrations and anger I might kill someone or some shit. I just feel like a robot and I’m numb to everything I feel like I feel no emotion and I’m just dead inside.
|
OCD
|
Do you describe them as a feeling? A different voice in alongside your own? I have intrusive thoughts but I don't really hear them as much as feel them and them repeat them to myself but I don't think that's how it would happen for most people. I'm trying to write what it's like but I don't know how I should describe them.
|
OCD
|
Hey guys. So, I'm a Spaniard under pretty severe Covid restrictions and I've began to develop what I think are signs of mental illness, like constant unrest, paranoid thoughts about who's locking us down and why, and about that Great Reset thing the WEF is planning. I think this might be because my routines, that I have been following for like 15 years now, have been suddenly altered and my brain can't adjust. Do you think this might be the reason? BTW, I'm slightly Aspies according to the Coen test.
|
aspergers
|
I've got a meeting with my GP coming up in two weeks, after them sending me an assessment form. I was just wondering how long the referral and diagnosis process will take after reading horror stories of it taking YEARS on the internet oops. Maybe because im going through my university gp it will be faster? Studying psychology myself im so frustrated that the waiting times for diagnoses and treatment for mental health issues are so long, the system really needs to change. thanks for your help!
|
ADHD
|
Hi. From what I remember, I have always struggled to stay awake during an exam, even really important examinations like high school or college entrance tests. I follow all the usual tips: eat a chocolate bar before the exam, keep your brain hydrated, sleep well the night before, don't fixate on a single question for too long, but they **never** seem to work. It has gotten way worse with online learning and online tests: it's like a fog invades my mind and I cannot think of anything. I stay blank and fall asleep. It's an overwhelming feeling.
Is this a common occurrence for people with ADHD?
I am currently undiagnosed. I'm getting an evaluation in 2 days.
|
ADHD
|
DAE sometimes ruminate so much that your mind does it on autopilot? Like I was sitting there with my in-laws the other day and my mind was running so bad that I literally couldn’t even focus on what they were saying. Like it’s so loud in my head and going so fast and it’s so exhausting that I can’t sit there and enjoy normal conversations because my head is so focused on something else WITHOUT me even trying! I’m not even trying to do compulsions (I have pure O) it feels like my head does it by itself now. 🙄
|
OCD
|
This is an issue I struggled with all through school and now into my career, I think too fast snd get laser focus on certain aspects of a task I’m doing that I miss steps. Yesterday at work I was asked to cut some material out of some metal. I was laser focused on making sure my cut lines were straight and too the right length that I ended up forgetting to make sure everything was levelled properly. Thankfully someone Caught on to it and let me know but I’m getting tired of making these tiny mistakes and I’m struggling to come up with techniques to make things go easier for me.
|
ADHD
|
My boyfriend (17M) has been telling me about his experiences with ADHD. I don't remember the specific names of what he struggles with but he mentioned that he struggles with an alternate sleep schedule and also a fear of rejection among other things. He has some hyperfixations on certain things as well.
I (17F) want to know how I can best support him and help accomodate his mental illness. I know we're both young but I want to be able to help him nonetheless.
I've told him about my own mental health struggles and offered help whenever I can but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing in how I help him. I would also love resources so I can learn more. I don't can't to say the wrong thing.
I think I might have ADHD myself and he knows about it and I'm going to talk to a Psychiatrist but I don't want that to impact my ability to be there for him.
Everyone, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!
|
ADHD
|
4 years ago I got diagnosed with ocd and I haven’t had a good sleep since the year I got diagnosed. My sleep is disturbed, and when I wake up I don’t even get one second before the intrusive thoughts hit and I have to do compulsions to get rid of them. I’ll go back to sleep but will wake up again, have to do compulsions and it’s extremely distressing. I haven’t slept all the night through for 4 years. I’m tired. Does anyone else have disturbed sleep because of ocd? How did you make it better? Thank you
|
OCD
|
So I've been depressed and really lonely for a long time, until i started dating this guy a few months ago. we were really happy and everything, for the first few months, but we're getting too attached to each other. he suffers from clinically diagnosed depression, and often tells me about his will to just not exist. I know how it feels, since I feel the same way. but I get too stressed when he says these things and it makes me feel more depressed and anxious. but i love him a lot and I'm too attached to break up with him, and i want to help him in any way possible. he loves me a lot and tries his best to make me happy and is aware of my depression and has offered to speak to my parents to consult therapy. he has therapy sessions every three weeks. I'm not going to say much about myself, my parents are not very supportive of mental health, so bringing up therapy in front of them is impossible for me. I don't know what to do.
|
depression
|
About two to three weeks ago, I was scrolling through tiktok and saw one from a girl saying, "so it's not normal to want to look like the guys you're attracted to??" I related to her deeply because for months prior, every time I saw a pretty boy I would be both attracted to him *and* wish I could perform femininity, gender, and sexuality in the way he does.
Anyway - this tiktok clicked something into place for me. Suddenly I felt the whole edifice of my gender identity crumbling. I thought, "Oh my god... this discomfort I've been feeling my whole life... is it because I'm a *boy*?" It felt good to realise that because it finally felt like something in my dumb shitty life made *sense*. Like I finally had a *good* explanation for all my neuroticism!
But then, the doubt set in; I don't hate my body. I'm extremely feminine. I've never felt like I'm trapped in the wrong meat suit, at least not consciously. I've never wanted to present in a particularly masculine way before now. I never socialised with boys or played with boys toys when I was young. On the other hand - I've always felt a kinship with gay men, my attraction to men has never felt heterosexual and the term "straight" feels SO wrong to me, I feel pretty good when people refer to me with masculine pronouns, I've always loved having a flat chest and wished it was flatter....
Since seeing this tiktok and having this ~realisation~, these thoughts have been running around in my head like a stuck record. I'm constantly pendulum-swinging from, "yes I'm trans" to "no I'm cis". I'm constantly browsing trans subreddits that I didn't even know of before. I can just *feel* my annoying brain becoming obsessed with this - it is all I have thought about for the past week and I am so painfully preoccupied with finding the answer but I never feel any closer to it...
Anyway, what I'm asking is: could I *genuinely* be trans and still have gender identity as an OCD theme? I've been reading about TOCD, and some of the symptoms ring true - such as the obsession coming on suddenly - but the fear of being trans, or the guilt of living a lie, or whatever, does not apply to me. When I think about the possibility of being trans I feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of upending my entire life, but in equal measure I feel excited and quite relieved to have found this new facet of myself.
So, am I trans? Or do I just have TOCD? Or could it possibly be both? Please help I'm so confused
|
OCD
|
Im a 16 year old lad who sees no reason to do anything.
I have been suicidal many times throughout my relatively short life but I came to the conclusion that I’ll never be able to end it all (which is a blessing I guess) however I do not want to live my life anymore. To some ppl I have an almost perfect life, I live in a nice house in a quiet village with my happily married parents and my dog, I have friends and family and in theory I should be happy and bound for some form of success.
But what makes my life so miserable is who I am, I have hated myself for as long as I can remember and it’s because I’m so underwhelming. I’m of average intelligence, I’m not athletic even though I’ve played sports my whole life, I was not blessed with even moderate genetics and it seems that every issue that I could get I have.
Although I understand that I’m young and I have a long life ahead of me. I have been an aspiring esports player for most of my teenage years and in this industry 16 can be surprisingly old and this alongside my overall lack of talent has lead me to give up on what I have dedicated my teenage years to that have now been wasted due to my own poor qualities.
So recently I came up with the conclusion that the only thing I could do is to throw everything away. I have lost every ounce of motivation that has been full spent on trying to get into relationships and my failed hobbies so I see no real point of trying to do anything positive with my life when it is futile to my happiness.
I’m thinking of just leaving everything behind and living on the street because although I can’t kill myself, I can ruin myself and this is the only way to hopefully be left to rot.
I don’t know what I’m looking for from this, I don’t care if others feel the same as I do but I guess I’m looking for a final discussion before I fully commit.
|
depression
|
Ive been out of a real job for some time and resorted to online selling as a job for the last couple years after having a massive ocd related breakdown. I want to get back to work, those of you who work full time how is it going? Did you have to adjust or did you just struggle until it became easier to work with? Any advice would be helpful. Also very limited with what experience I have. Im in my last year in college finally after struggling to finish for what seems like a decade. Before school i worked construction and during I worked as a lab assistant for a few years.
|
OCD
|
Hi everyone,
So I've never been officially diagnosed with OCD but I've always suspected this to be a condition I have due to intrusive thoughts I have suffered with throughout my life. My intrusive thoughts go up and down a lot but seem to have generally gotten more manageable recently, and usually (at least at this point) they have to do with guilt about things I've done or haven't done, and a pervasive sense fear that things will not go my way if I do not follow through with the actions these thoughts encourage me to take (such as atoning for past mistakes, even in scenarios when doing so is completely impossible).
Ordinarily I would probably dismiss these thoughts as ridiculous and go about my day, but since they’re constantly bothering me and almost feel as if they’re coming from an outside force I can get quite down on myself and worried about the potential consequences of not listening to them. At this point it can be hard to tell what qualifies as my legitimate “gut instinct” and what are actually just manipulative invasive thoughts which don’t really provide anything meaningful but instead keep me in a perpetual state of worry and distress over things which (in some cases) it’s hard for me to realistically do anything about.
I was wondering if anyone besides myself on this subreddit has dealt with the same issues, and if they could offer some advice since I have very few people to potentially talk to about this outside of an internet environment. I would really appreciate some help!
|
OCD
|
Hello
I am experiencing a bit different form of my OCD latel.
It used to be about redoing certain things to get them right but now it is the opposite. I must not do certain things or else ... will happenn! I don't get any relief from not doing this as mostly I am denied doing the things I like to do
I just don't know what to do anymore
|
OCD
|
I’m fairly new to OCD and new to experiencing intrusive thoughts (maybe 2-3 months now) any advice on how to not let thoughts become obsessions, how to overcome them, and just any advice in general maybe? My OCD literally began (as far as I’m sure) when I learned about the term “intrusive thoughts” wtf fuck you ocd
|
OCD
|
I don't actively read but some posts showing on my feed, even the title, I'm like oh I've never had that compulsion/thought anymore but now I have a new one thank you!!
Probably gonna unsub for a bit to stop getting random new intrusive thoughts - there is a ton of value here it just sucks to be scrolling reddit late at night and have a new intrusive thought/compulsion to battle all night.
|
OCD
|
My (f28) need for stimulation and novelty has always been extremely high. Since my family is the same I kind of grew up being on the road big parts of the year and my parents had jobs that allowed them to. I never went to the same school more than two years and my parents sometimes home schooled me. Put simply, change has always been my normal.
As an adult I struggle immensely with keeping the need for stimulation at bay. I've moved continents, switched hobbies, partners, friends, music preference, jobs, you name it. Five years ago I decided to settle in one place and pursue a career. I have a partner I love and a more or less stable circle of friends, but the 9-5 life is boring me to death. Since finishing my studies (which allowed me to have a pretty free and exciting life) I go in and out of states of restlessness, depression, boredom, and some good days. I can't stand the thought of being stuck in one place and my instinct when I have bad days is to move to a completely new place like I used to do when I got bored and depressed, but I figure I can't keep on moving away all my life.
Those who relate, how do you cope? I was recently diagnosed and am going to a doctor's appointment soon, have meds soothed some of the intrinsic restlessness?
|
ADHD
|
Do OCD compulsions mean having pure ocd because I have had compulsions but OCD has mainly brought me alot of mental pain and anguish (I have more than one sexual attraction related OCD trigger by the way but mainly pocd).
|
OCD
|
Asking because I recently got over HOCD and I fear that it’s turned into tocd. I don’t think it’s gender dysphoria bc I’ve never once in my life doubted my gender. I’ve always been a guy.
|
OCD
|
This is just a vent of my particular experience. If anyone can relate or has advice, that would be appreciated.
It feels like I have lost so many memories because my brain has put a wrong priority on what to remember. The tiniest details take on such high position in the hierarchy that over time everything I don't cling to seems to fade. I go through phases of interests where I'll be absolutely focused on a single hobby/interest, learning all about it, trying to do it all right and putting such a heavy burden on my shoulders to learn it all perfectly that I tend to breakdown at the end and let it drift away because the thought of it is too stressful. These come and go in about month long cycles. The interests themselves become like a lost partner; the initial love for the subject was true but the O and the C took over, leaving it broken. Having dedicated so much time to learning about this subject, my brain has placed it in top priority for a few weeks (usually above knowledge needed at work, UNI, and personal life). I will have told everyone about it, started discussions, attempted to start a book club, tried to find a local community, joined x amount of groups on social media, etc. And all along everything else fades away, everything becomes fragmented. Most of my childhood is gone. I don't remember the best friend I had for years that my mother tells me about. And the cycle continues.
This time I am attempting to make a change, to not overcomplicate, to not let it overwhelm, to not hoard information "I might need later". To just take it step by step. I have started a few practices meant to improve my well being such as meditation and drinking enough water. But its so hard to not let myself slip into the habit of charting, collecting, checking, putting on more and more work until it all becomes too much.
I wish I could remember. I wish I could accept not needing to remember. I wish I could accept not understanding something fully without feeling like I am insignificant and irrelevant to the world.
|
OCD
|
So this is the main subject of my ocd. Been driving me crazy for a while.
Im a heavy lifter, have been since high school. Suddenly, around freshman year of college, i started getting joint pain in my arm. Then my other arm. Then my knees. Then my neck. Then my shoulders this year. (Currently in junior year at 20 years old) Every symptom points to overuse of my joints when working out but like, its so unusual that its driving me nuts.
I got a blood test last year and it pointed to a high ANA level (immune system is attacking healthy tissue) which is consistent with Lymes disease. Now, i dont know if i ever even had it. Or if i did have it. Or if i still have it. Im going to a rheumatologist in December for this stuff.
Im currently continuing to weightlift despite the pain. Im not one to give up when things go awry. Doctors have told me i can do whatever pain allows me to do. I just cant help but feel like im doing the wrong thing? In everyday life it hurts when i lift my arms past a certain point but it’s manageable. But like, i love being strong and i love looking strong for other men (im gay). My body is almost near perfect where i want it to be and i dont want to lose it. Its just theres so much inflammation everywhere. I tried resting for a month and it didnt do anything so i said fk it and started weightlifting again.
I just cant stop ruminating over all of this. Ill constantly look for validation for my decisions whether it be to rest or weightlift. Im pretty sure I know my body’s limits with this stuff and im well below the limit in my opinion at the moment. And these joint problems are worrying me immensely, i cant stop hyper fixating on them every minute of the day. I just got back from a workout and my right shoulder started flaring up a bit so i cut it short. Just dont know how to feel right now.
|
OCD
|
so i have been diagnosed with adhd by my psychiatrist since my freshman year of high school and i’m now 19. i have most of the symptoms (inattentiveness, trouble focusing, stimming, hyperactive mind, trouble completing tasks or finding any motivation to, hyperfixations, the list goes on). but after reading about adhd meds (i’m prescribed vyvanse) it seems like it effects me more like a person without adhd? i get jittery, my heart rate rises, it feels like there’s electricity running through my body, i can focus better and i get a boost of motivation for the first few hours. it also makes it to where i can’t sleep sometimes (although i already have trouble with that). i don’t get any euphoria though, i just feel like i can do stuff. hearing about how it’s supposed to affect people with adhd, it’s apparently supposed to just make you feel normal? im just wondering if my side effects are normal for a person with adhd or if i actually don’t have it (which seems unlikely because of my long list of adhd symptoms) i’m just pretty confused. do you guys get the same feeling?
|
ADHD
|
34M. Diagnosed with autism. Get severe meltdowns, burnout, and self harm when working. Unable to work for more than a day or two at a time without suicide attempts. I also cannot drive.
Unfortunately I am not eligible for disability benefits. I've been denied by 3 judges and the Social Security Appeals council. Lawyers have told me that it's over. No lawyer will take my case now.
What options do I have now other than homelessness or suicide?
|
aspergers
|
My bf has PTSD. He was diagnosed about a year ago. Hes not had any counseling since the diagnosis but has previously stated he wants to seek counseling.
Since the diagnosis, hes been experiencing a lot of emotions/feelings (?) that make him distant and reluctant.
Anger and negative thinking are two major symptoms for him. He becomes frustrated very easily which makes communication difficult. The lack of communication is causing me to feel dismissed and discouraged. I fear for our relationship because hes become neglectful.
Before the diagnosis, we never had issues with communicating. We talked out our problems and came out feeling confident and even closer after disagreements or misunderstandings. We talked about our futures and made plenty of plans together. We never had an issue in the bedroom. Things have changed drastically in the past year.
We've been together for 2 years and I really do not want to leave him. I am trying my best to understand what hes going through.
Is there any advice anybody could give me on how I could make things easier for him or how I can make things easier for myself.?
I know that I cant help him but the situation is not a normal one and I want to be as accommodating as I can be.
|
ptsd
|
What makes a trauma? Is it really a trauma? Am I just exaggerating? Wouldn't counting such a small thing like this as trauma be an insult to real trauma survivors?
Please tell me how to answer these honestly. I just want to be valid. I just want to know if I'm really just dramatic or not.
Edit: Thank you for all the responses. I honestly feel so much better now that I've read them. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
|
ptsd
|
Hi guys, so I’m a 20 yr old girl & I’ve had an adderall prescription for the past year and a half. It was pretty sketchy how I got the prescription, I just called my doctor and told him I thought I had ADHD & wanted to do some testing and he said “honestly we really only do the testing on younger kids to rule out autism, we can just try out medicine and see how you respond.” And like I’m 100% sure I have ADHD and had taken adderall before for tests so I knew that it just focused me and I could still sleep and everything. but basically my prescription is for 15mg twice a day and i haven’t talked to my doctor again except to refill the prescription. I’ve always been super worried about becoming dependent and losing my personality because of situations like this where doctors really don’t give enough of a fuck to figure out the right dosage. So I only take half of one (7.5mg) when i need to do homework and just kinda deal with my ADHD the rest of the time.
But here’s the thing, I saw this post today about a lady’s husband who had been on meds for the entire time they were married and then went off his meds saying adhd was his superpower and he’s like a dysfunctional nightmare now. And a lot of the more personality related things that had changed about him resembled a lot of the personality traits i dislike about myself that i had never even thought could be related to my adhd. So now I’m just kind of wondering if this whole “i want to keep my personality” bs is really just me self sabotaging ???
So I guess if anyone is taking their meds everyday or used to take them everyday and quit I’d just like to hear some of the long term changes you’ve had or any advice at all really. thanks!!!
|
ADHD
|
Counting has been a part of my OCD for many years. However, lately, I've started to count everything. I make a document word; I make sure the size of the font is never an uneven number (I hate those). I eat something; I make sure I eat an even number of it (not one toast, but two). I put four alarms; I look at it four times to be sure, etc., etc., etc.
Anyone in the same boat as me? My world revolves around numbers, counting, and making sure everything is either 2,4, 8, or 10 (preferably, but most importantly, an even number).
How do you stop counting your life away? And what are your favorite numbers?
|
OCD
|
I’ve been dating this girl for a couple months now and things have been going pretty well. The problem is I get very attached and base my happiness on our interactions.
For example, if there’s a day where she doesn’t text me as much or seems short in her responses I’ll feel anxious the entire day and can’t focus on anything else.
I feel like I’m setting myself up for a lot of future pain. If things don’t work out I’m gonna be super depressed. I don’t want to base my mood on other people and rely on their validation but I really don’t know how to stop these obsessive thoughts that run through my mind.
|
OCD
|
TW: talks of self harm
I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for about a year now. I have had really bad intrusive thoughts and luckily was able to get the medication I need. Unfortunately it seems like it’s once again worse. My worst intrusive thought that I have a hard time is working through is wanting to cut my wrists. (I’ve never cut or attempted to do anything)But the thought goes beyond my head and I actually feel sensations in my wrist like a tingling or a small cramp. It drives me crazy and can last for hours. I’ve seen two different therapists in the past year and none of them have really given me a way to cope with this. I’ve tried holding an ice cube and compression bans but those only help for a little while. If anyone has any suggestions on what I can do I would really appreciate it.
|
OCD
|
Hi, so for a long time, I had untreated ADHD and OCD. I have adhd and ocd. I took antidepressants so that numbed the OCD but not the ADHD. I was a cringe teenager with low social skills. I was never immoral and I’ve always had a pretty strong moral code. Honestly, since I was a kid I’ve had this deep fear of really messing up. I’m not perfect, I’ve made childish mistakes. I’ve gotten carried away in conversations numerous times.
As a person, I haven’t changed very much. I’ve matured because I’m 23 now, not 19, but I have this stupid fear that in the teenage period of my life—the period where I didn’t deal with OCD—I messed up and just don’t remember it. I know it’s stupid, my therapist says it’s stupid.
In my mind, the worst thing a person can do is be a rapist or pedophile. Those are the two things I don’t let slide with people. I never have. So my brain keeps being like “what if when you were 18-19, you made someone uncomfortable without realizing it and now you’re going to get in trouble even if you didn’t mean to.”
I’m not a sexual person. I have a sex life but I grew up conservative, plus I’ve always been into people older than me. I know this is a stupid and dumb fear to have. I’ve been through therapy to help me with this but this week I’ve been under a lot of stress due to college issues and when I get stressed, my ocd kicks in.
It’s really a Jekyll and Hyde thing because my brain can’t find anything in my past that I’ve done thats wrong but that lack of evidence makes my ocd be like “what if you did you just can’t remember it”.
I know all of this is stupid and I’m trying my best to cope but I’m going through it.
|
OCD
|
The past 5 years of my life, my plans, all the frustration and delays, the finally believing I could actually do something right. All for nothing.
I have a class I thought I was going to barely pass. Instead, I will be failing. Unless I magically do far better than expected on the final. Depending on how bad that grade is, I will most likely just barely fail or I will fail spectacularly right at the finish.
And now I have to somehow focus on having family time and not being a wet blanket on everyone else's holiday
Fuck. My. Life. God officially hates me.
|
depression
|
I have this thing that’s apart of my ocd where for some reason if like There’s a list of bad thing I have to choose one idk the logic behind it it’s hella complicated and just dumb. Idk why it’s like I have to choose one I just have to, and I have to hope it’s the least bad of all of them. But basically there was a post being like “a list of pride flags we all hate” and you had to scroll one by one o you couldn’t see what came next so basically after the second one I was like “I have to choose this one” and it ended up being a map flag (pedo flag). I’ve had POCD for a little while now and now my ocd is convincing Me that that was a sign that im a pedo now or I’m going to turn into one becuase I chose that one which happened to be a map flag. I know it’s all irrational but I don’t know how to stop worrying about this. I feel like I’m losing my mind and everything is a “sign” and shit. Like I keep doing this thing where I’m like “if this loads in 3 seconds I’m a pedophile” or “if they reply in less than 10 minutes I’m not a pedophile” and so ofc when this doesn’t happen I get scared this means I’m a pedo, even tho none of these things have correlations to being a pedo. I’m usually a very analytical and logical person. But when it comes to this it’s like. All my common sense goes out the window and I believe paranoid superstitious shit. How do I stop thinking like this!
|
OCD
|
I'm crying inside, please i just want to cry, I'm so tired of fighting
|
depression
|
So this is going to sound incredibly stupid, but it's OCD, it IS stupid, but I cannot stop thinking about this. Basically, I was using a hair dryer in the bathroom at it's hottest setting. The air that was coming out was EXTREMELY hot. I had a Dell laptop next to me and the keyboard warped because I accidentally left it on and pointed at it. Now I am worried, because my house is full of expensive hardware (my gaming PC, consoles, TV, etc.) so I am worried the hot air of the hair dryer went into the A/C vents and maybe got injected in other rooms and caused damage to other components or plastics I have in my house. Help, I know it doesn't make sense, but could it be possible?
|
OCD
|
Its hard for me to think and talk at the same time.
Not because when I talk, nothing is going on up in the brain meats BUT also because when I talk...I get bored away from what I was supposed to mention or just completely forget OR I do think while talking and my thoughts can contradict the other which is why I loathe arguments.
Today I had a caller... Since I work for helpdesk...and the caller said "youre saying I should do something but not telling me how."
I almost cried but its true...
|
ADHD
|
I have been feeling really overwhelmed and started suicide ideation
I believe its philosophical ocd and Dr cant or wont help!!
|
OCD
|
I was abused as a child and my brain locked up or erased a lot of the really bad parts, but along with them many good memories were gone too. In therapy i tackled some of the bad memories and it was very hard to reach them, like I'd literally blocked them off. I haven't been in therapy or on meds for a while now though.
I recognize that forgetting my childhood was a survival tactic but i feel it still might have an effect on the quality of my memory. It's like my mind is still constantly foggy and everything i try to remember slowly disappears.
Is this fixable? Am i doomed to forever be a forgetful airhead because of what was done to me?
|
ptsd
|
My husband finally agreed to try and get some cleaning help for our house and I reached out to a girl to start next month to come weekly. I'm pretty happy, but I don't know what to expect and what is expected of me.
Here is the situation: we have two kids, full-time jobs and we live in pretty much constant chaos.
He is the 'designated cleaner' in our family, being much better at it than me, and enjoying it more. But I feel like the societal and internal pressure and shame over a messy house fall mostly on me, as the woman.
I feel always bad about the mess, and our social life has taken a toll because it's harder to invite people over and have playdates. From time to time I try to clean up, but it's overwhelming to even start and, when I do, the kids just constantly come to me for attention and I always have to stop for them and start again. It's so stressful.
He finds having a cleaner classist. I don't feel that way. I'm not any better than this person because she cleans for me. If anything, it's the other way around. We will pay her a fair rate, which is what she asks for and only slightly less than what I make per hour.
I would love to hear encouragement, different opinions, and experiences.
|
ADHD
|
I dont know what people do all day in their free time. Maybe this routine is normal. I just play video games, watch youtube and sleep all day everyday. But I hate it, it feels empty. I'm staring at the screen not even taking anything in. I barely get out of bed, I never make myself anything to eat just have snacks sometimes and mostly starve, I can't keep my room tidy, I lose important things, I wear dirty clothes, I don't know what to do anymore. I want to live a life but this doesn't feel like living I feel like a zombie. I want to do something with my life but everything feels so boring and pointless. I feel like I'm wasting my life away but I dont know how to stop. I dont know what to do
|
depression
|
With ocd obsessions and compulsions come the anxiety but the moments when you get relief from OCD YOU GET SAD for no reason.
Anyone relates?
|
OCD
|
Maybe some of you in counselling know that often, a session begins with this questionnaire: I get along well with others, I feel stressed at work, I am angry when people criticize my drinking/drug use... etc., etc.
I am having issues with it. It has never worked for me or accurately shown distress in a lifetime of on/off counselling.
I just had my second session with a counsellor who said, "Most people in regular situations score around 60 for stress level, your ocq marks you at half as stressed as the average person. Do you have any thoughts about that?" (insert kindergarten teacher voice).
I said, "Yes I do. That questionnaire assumes the majority of people respond to stress the same way. I work alone from home unless travelling (in media). I am an introvert so don't have conflict with others much. I don't use drugs or alcohol. But your quiz doesn't ask about different coping mechanisms like, today I was very heartbroken and I swam 80 lengths before work. I didn't eat enough. I cried in public a bit. I have raised 5 kids alone. I go, go, go. When I am triggered, I crash and everything hurts. But I am at home. Nobody sees me. I read. I watch shows. I cry. I wish I could disappear. I can't trust people. I don't believe I am lovable. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't in distress."
Her answer? Well of course we wouldn't turn you away...
And once again in life, I felt that even there, with a registered psychologist, I didn't fit. Just the way in childhood when I asked for help, it was ignored because I didn't look like an orphan and my dad had a very public position. The same way my church leaders used to say to hold my abusive marriage together at all costs because we seemed like a beautiful family ( I left both the religion and the marriage). I came home frustrated and upset. Not all of us show things outwardly. Some of us cope by overdoing which is just as harmful to our health.
Maybe I can refuse to take it this week. Maybe I can tell her that I already feel like my trauma, which we haven't even touched on yet, is being downplayed because I happen to appear high functioning. I don't know. Maybe I am being a jerk. Ironic to be triggered in the place I am hoping to learn to mitigate triggers.
|
ptsd
|
A little background...I was officially diagnosed around 5 years ago now but didn't take it too seriously at the time because I didn't think it was heavily affecting my life. I was never put on medication and am still not currently. Fast forward to this year and I've been going to therapy more consistently and being more dedicated to my mental health and still currently on a journey to find medication that would be helpful for me.
Now the recent issue...This evening I was trying to describe task paralysis to my wife about her and I going to get our hair cut tomorrow. Ultimately while trying to describe it she felt as if I was complaining about not wanting to go and if I felt that way then I can schedule my own appointments. Obviously that's not how I'm really feeling I just felt as if I couldn't really accurately say what I'm thinking. It happens to me a lot and I think often times I frustrate people with it or say the wrong thing that I need to later apologize for because it's not what I really meant. My wife is really supportive but I also know that everyone reaches the end of their own rope so I don't blame her at all.
Anyways, my question to all of you is are there any good tips/tricks that you have for when you feel like you cant communicate how you would like to?
|
ADHD
|
I had a flare up of an intrusive thought I didn't think I could have. Before I left for therapy, I thought my place was going to explode if I left, I think it was because of a certain way I did the laundry, which wasn't the usual way. I'm not sure why but I thought that way but it subsided about halfway through therapy. I did have another thought about the door not being locked even though I locked it. I don't want to relapse any of my OCD symptoms at all. It's crazy to me that I had a really terrifying intrusive thought today. If I stayed home instead of going anywhere today, then my OCD would have won over me. It was still painful to have the thought in my head when I left for therapy. I don't think it should happen again.
|
OCD
|
I have been dealing with depression and suicide for quite a while now one of the reasons being that i realize i don't know whether I am religious or not if anyone not including my parents and brother knew this I would be dead socially everyone would hate me I am not being paranoid I have seen examples of this the main reason is I have been dealing with a porn addiction although I have been trying to stop if anyone I care about even my parents knew this the amount of disappointment they would feel would make me commit suicide it feels like a chore to just staying alive I have no one like a therapist but i am looking for help to get through this
|
depression
|
Hello all,
I have severe anxiety and anger attacks. I cannot control it. Doctor wants to prescribe benzo or oxazepam.
I don’t want to become a vegetable after talking them….
What are you thoughts? Any good alternatives?
|
ptsd
|
I have been taking Adderall now for several years with overall good results. I am on a very low dose due to my Doctor being very stingy with the add meds. I was on 10/15 mg daily, with different doses available , either 10 or 15, depending on what I felt I needed for the day.
So, fast forward to this last year under the rule of current psychiatrist. First, she reduced the level from 15 to 10, with the reason that she thought it better for my heart.?. I suspect she just was not comfortable with my being able to have any control over the levels I could use. So, after several months at this not ok, but it's at least something dose, she started denying my refills with the demand that I needed urine drug screens to go on. I asked- Why? She won't answer, or give me any more details, other than to deny me every month, sometimes has given in and filled, but not without a huge fuss. Now, I am in limbo waiting on a 2 month away appointment with another Psychiatrist, who I was hoping would just continue my refills until they were able to see me. Apparently, the first Psychiatrist has not cut herself off my case, despite my calls to Kaiser to discontinue services with her and start with a new Doctor.
The beginning Psychiatrist has tried to brush off my repeated questions about why she wants to drug test me, with the explanation that "It's the law." From all that I have seen, that is not true. I have taken this medication for years before her, with no mention of it, and other adults I know take this without being asked for a drug screen. From what I can find out, it is just at the discretion of the Doctor.
Does anyone out there have actual factual knowledge of this? I am in Virginia, that may make a difference. This constant headache over refills has be stressed to my limit, and I really think the Doctor is just trying to make it so hard for me to access care I have already paid for in hopes I will just give up and go away. Thanks, Kaiser!! Anyone have any facts on this? I would really appreciate it, I am feeling like I really need legal representation to drag mental health care out of my "provider."
|
ADHD
|
I could be talking about days out or just planning things and my brain will think about lol the things that could go wrong. Iv tried to think positive but I can’t help thinking about the worse scenario.
|
aspergers
|
It probably isn't going to help me one bit to post this here. It never does. But I don't have any outlet to communicate with anyone where I don't end up feeling worse than I did before. At least here the feeling will be neutral.
Anyways, it seems like my bad habits are finally catching up to me. I've been dealing with several addictions that never felt like as much as a problem as the should have been. But now that I'm forced to go without them basically all at once, I can feel the damage that they've done to me. At this point, I might actually be dying.
Going without pot has been very difficult. I am a very long term very frequent smoker going without for the longest period of time since I started smoking. Of all my addictions, THC has been most effective and making me feel less hopeless and depressed, while not being very helpful at addressing the problems that make me feel hopeless and depressed. Now going without it I'm in a lot of physical and emotional pain without the 'escape' button I'd usually have to get out of it. I reflexively think that I can go for it now and then, but it simply isn't there to turn to now and likey won't be any time soon due to current circumstances.
I'm going through nicotine withdrawal. My personalized habit is persistant and unrewarding, but hasn't felt as damaging as it could be. But whether it feels damaging and actually is destroying me are two different things. I'm pretty sure that I've set myself up for an early death from all my time spent smoking. But all that time spent smokng is very hard to replace. Going without tobacco leaves an enourmous void in my life which is the time I would normaly spend taking care of the habit.
Equally significant to those other habits, I'm going without my perculiar addiction to coca-cola. So whether it's withdrawl to sugar or caffine or carbonation or decocainized coca leaf extract, I'm feeling that very badly right now. My addiction to coke is pretty extreme. I usually drink at least four cans a day and hardly ever drink straight water. But now in short time going without that, I feel the consequences of abusing my body so badly. It feels like diabetic shock. And my kidneys are probably ruined too.
On top of that, I've had noticable swollen lymph nodes for a couple months now. For all I know I have lymphoma and lung cancer and a brain tumor all at once. That's just about how I feel right now.
So latey, I've been feeling suicidal without the desire to actually bring an end to myself manually. But after all the abuse I've put my body through over the years, seems like I won't need to do that dirty work after all. Or at the very least, if I'm actually dying it wouldn't hurt as much finishing myself off knowing that I'm not missing out on much as a result anyways. This sucks to be going through, but this is the situation I've created for myself.
|
depression
|
My friends wanna try it for once an only once an idk if I should cuz i’m having stuff about if I could develop schizophrenia or not. I’m prolly not gonna take any but I was curious how was it with OCD? Was it bad, or did you feel better?
|
OCD
|
Introduction
Uh, hi. While I've been aware of its existence for quite some time, I have never gotten around to getting involved in reddit and it's many facets included. I just created this account a few weeks ago because I have finally, after 8 years of denial, accepted that I have ADHD. I have been working on this post for almost a month now. Not because of this monolithic essay and its size(This took me about an hour to fully write, including breaks), but because I've been so busy with the current life moments going on rn. So, about me. This year, I'm going to turn 24M, I bought my first car for myself,(cars have been given to me thus far), got married to my amazing wife, kept the best job I’ve had yet for a year now with a good wage, and bought my first house shortly after starting this post. I've been laughing at myself lately, because I've been bothering myself thinking that I haven't done a hell of a lot this year.
Story
So, to start (well i guess i already started) i was diagnosed as a kid with ADD. I zoned out a lot, struggled to comprehend what people were saying a lot of the time due to losing the concept of language for brief moments, and lack of motivation for completing tasks. I've always been quiet and kept to myself. My wife is the only true friend i believe ive ever made, and i only met her 4 years ago. I was smart in school. I could ace any test, but struggled to pass my classes due to over 80% of my homework being overdue. I was very mature at a young age, and could grasp many adult concepts that would normally elude the kids my age. I got along with older people and enjoyed them far more than people my age, which probably hurt my social skills looking back. I never truly accepted my ADD diagnosis, especially when i was prescribed meds. Adderall was a touchy subject for me to explain to my family. It helped plenty, though. I could be on the same page as everyone around me, and keep up with everything. But i quit at 16, and vowed to never take them again. My problem with the meds was i felt TOO perfect. As if i was driving a Tesla on autopilot. Sure, I'm at the wheel, but I'm not driving. All im doing is watching the road, cautiously waiting for the software to fuck up and either save it, or watch as it crashes around me. Ever since, I've come up with my own remedies to my shortcomings, and slowly began to decline into self doubt of myself and my capabilities. Fast forward to the beginning of this week, I came across a YouTube video (YouTube is life for me rn) talking about adhd and its symptoms and problems. This video made me realise how little about this condition i truly understood, and latched onto the subject, going through Ted talk amer Ted talk talking about the struggles and successes of people who struggle with the same problems as myself. I am not the problem, i am a victim.(After many hours of debating myself on this statement, I feel like “victim” might be too far. If so, I apologize, I can't think of another way of saying it atm) I mean, yes, rn I am getting everything I have dreamed of for the past 8 years. A wife, a house, and a job I enjoy doing. Well, this is how I put it to my very supportive wife. To those of you who watch Naruto, I find that my life is very similar to that of Rock Lee. Lee is very different from the other ninja. He has no ninjutsu, and he has no genjutsu. All he has is taijutsu. While this can at first be perceived as a weakness or a flaw for Lee, which it is, it gives him more time to focus specifically on taijutsu, making him unmatched in hand to hand combat in the chunin exams. Lee, the boy with the most basic of skills of all the ninja, faces one of the most powerful characters in the exams, gaara of the sand. Lee managed to be one of the first characters to get a blow on gaara, and proved to everyone that he is a true competitor that should be taken seriously. I might have lost a few of you here, but what I'm trying to say here is if you don't look at Lee's backstory, you only see that this kid managed to hurt one of the most powerful opponents in the exam, but ultimately loses tragically to gaara. But when you look deeply into Lee's character, you notice that he works harder than any other shinobi. He drives his entire life with a seemingly unlimited explosion of passion. And even after his leg and arm is broken and has been knocked unconscious from his fight against gaara, his unconscious body refuses to surrender the fight, and stands with near dead eyes to face gaara with an unwavering resolve. I relate to this because I, like Rock Lee, must struggle every minute of every day to be even close to the same level of energy and focus as everyone around me. And this fact of life I face is simultaneously crushing and astounding to understand for me. I'm very proud of who I am, and I aspire to be better every day, despite the challenges I face. Now I would like to clarify that I'm extremely blessed, and I know that my struggles don't even come close to what I'm sure you fellow redditors must experience yourselves. I wish you all the best and I'd like to help wherever I can. But going back to this YouTube video (oof, that was a damn long tangent, i hope you guys are still with me here. If not, I apologize) I shared them with my wife. My absolutely stunningly supportive and wonderful wife. She finally understands, like myself, what I've been struggling with all of these years. She spends the next 2 hours looking for ways she can help me with my ADHD and talks to me about how we can implement strategies and solutions to my everyday struggles. This woman is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her.
Problems and solutions
So here, I'd like to explain what I've come to understand about my ADHD and what I'm planning to do about it. I don't know if this will help anyone, but I hope it does. I'm great at receiving feedback, so any comments would be thoroughly appreciated and welcomed. For starters, this sentence right here has been the most difficult part of this entire post. In fact, everything above and below was finished before these sentences, and it only took me less than an hour to do all of it. But now, I need to change my timeline a lil bit(they've been changed already) in this post to match up with today, which is 3 weeks after I started writing this. Yes, this middle part right here that is less than 100 words has taken longer for me to finish and put on paper than the rest of the paper containing over 1000 words. Solution? I need to prioritize tasks and finish them one at a time. What makes this tricky is, how do I prioritize my tasks? They all feel important to me, and my overthinking brain tells me that if I do tasks number 1 and 5, tasks 3 and 8 are going to be less efficient to get done. I'll sometimes even get my prioritization done in my head, but by that time, I've spent too much energy thinking about how to do it, and am no longer motivated to do anything after, which causes me to forget everything that I just worked so hard to figure out. And even if I still somehow manage to remember, my efficient order of tasks might limit me from the tasks that excite me the most, preventing me from even wanting to start. My solution is my wife and a lot of writing down tasks and ideas. Sticky notes and whiteboards are what will be my driving factor for remembering my tasks, and motivation for getting them done. Fortunately, having too many things laid out in front of me doesn't overwhelm me, and even if it does, my wife can help me partition what's important, and what can wait for another day. So conversation is important to me, and I tend to be seen as quiet. My issue here is that half of the time, I just don't know what to say. I can be on the phone with my dad and have entire minutes of dead silence between the two of us because I sit there thinking of what would be an interesting topic to discuss, or go back into the archives of my life to let him catch up to my life story. This is frustrating and just downright demoralizing for my ability to make friends or keep up with them. I'll leave people on read for hours or even days just trying to come up with a response to what they sent me. I'm just terrible at conversing through a phone I guess. So, just visit people and talk face to face, right? Well, I only have so much time in my life to socialize. I constantly tell my friends that I've been busy and that I'm trying to save up money for my house. And while that's true, I also don't feel too terrible about it. I'm exhausted from work due to the amount of energy it requires of me, and am rarely in the mood to see anyone, except my wife. I almost always want to be around my wife, until those rare moments where I just want to run away from everyone and everything. Solution? I’d like to expand my friend group. I can't get any better at socializing if I just dream about it. I just need more experience.
Help
So here is the why for this post. I doubt I'm bringing anything new to the table with my story, seeing that there's (holy moses) almost 1.3 million people following this subreddit. A part of me is excited to watch this blow up, but I wouldn't be surprised if this ends up getting drowned out by every other post following mine. I'm not here to ask for a ton of advice or even sympathy. This is more of an introduction to you. I'd like to make friends and start a new circle of trusting individuals so that I may grow and be a part of a community, which I feel is potentially beneficial to all parties included. I figured I'd start with people that can understand better than anyone what i can be like going in, so here I am. For starters, I'm very passionate about whatever topic I'm interested in, mostly film and history, along with cars and sometimes politics(so long as it's not toxic. I debate with an open mind and expect the same from my opponent.) I love to learn damn near anything. I like to game. I currently have an xbox one and a PC, and like to play minecraft, 7 days to die, no man's sky, and bf4, and I'm planning on getting a VR headset soon. I'm big on podcasts and spend way too much time on YouTube. I'm a great listener, when my brain allows me. I'm extremely vulgar and have no qualms with any kind of naughty talk, so long as it's not degrading. I'm very patient and easily forgive, and live a very easy going life. I'm not a religious guy, but I am a man of faith. I can take criticism with stride and I almost never get offended. So, yeah. That's most of me, the rest you can ask me about. Or tell me about yourself. I really hope this gains some traction, so i can expand my circle and hear some good stories of all colors. I appreciate any and all of you, and I wish you a wonderful life. If you've made it this far, thank you for flying delta. We will be departing now. Uh, I don't know what else they say, but thank you for reading. Lol I don't know how to end this. Uh... carry on.
|
ADHD
|
My brain recently been calling me stuff because of a my intrusive thoughts and I’m now reminiscing about a false memory about doing something to a family member. My brain even gave a specific date because one day under stress the idea popped in my head and now I’m starting to believe it
|
OCD
|
I hate going to therapy because i dont want the help anymore and i also cant tell my therapist about my thoughts or how i feel because otherwise i will probably put into a hospital.
My therapist talks about depressive episodes but i don’t understand this because I’m like this all the time I’m not happy ever and if so it doesn’t last. Am i in a constant ‘episode’? I really don’t understand because I’m struggling constantly there isn’t really any point in my life when I’m not struggling so how can this be an episode i don’t understand how this works.
Not sure if this makes sense, but yeah im confused
|
depression
|
So after a year on a wait list I finally got in to see a psychiatrist a few days ago (who specialises in ADHD) about my problems. He talked to me for about an hour but hardly at all about my actual symptoms and how it impacts my life. He mostly discussed my physical health and my family. For instance, he asked what my parents and siblings do for work, but never asked me if I worked or if my symptoms affect my work. He asked what their hobbies were, but not about my hobbies or how my symptoms affect them.
He then said that because I’ve completed several university courses and am not addicted to drugs or alcohol that I can’t have ADHD. He never even asked if I struggled with my uni work, so I guess my bad grades and tons of extensions for assignments don’t matter to him. And I don’t even really like alcohol and I have no interest in trying drugs, so I’m not sure how that’s relevant either.
He says I actually have “spontaneous involuntary attention” (is this even a thing??) because my mind wanders off and starts thinking about random things, but didn’t ask about any of my other symptoms. And we never even actually discussed my mind/thoughts wandering off. All I said is that I found it difficult to concentrate in class but I never said my mind was filled with other thoughts (in reality that’s only one small part of why I struggle to focus).
He sent me home with an ADHD symptom checklist to fill out and send back to him and also gave me a prescription for an ADHD medication.
This psychiatrist was really expensive and I honestly don’t have the money to go and see another one for a second opinion, plus I don’t think I could cope without any help for another year.
I guess I’m just confused. Part of me thinks, okay well I got a prescription, I guess that’s what matters, but the other part of me feels really invalidated and hurt because it feels like he didn’t even listen to me or care about my actual symptoms, just making assumptions about me instead. I’ve heard stories on here about other females being told similar things from their psychiatrists so I’m wondering if maybe he just doesn’t understand symptoms in women? Or maybe I was completely wrong all along? It’s fine if I actually don’t have ADHD, I just felt like it explained problems I’ve had my entire life and if it’s not that, then I guess I’m back to square one.
​
TL;DR psychiatrist didn't ask about my symptoms and just made assumptions. Said I couldn't have ADHD because I've passed university and am not addicted to anything. Says I have "spontaneous involuntary attention” and not ADHD, but gave me a prescription for ADHD medication anyway. Feeling confused and hurt.
|
ADHD
|
I thought I had a great memory. But I’m having issues with a particular memory. When it first came back I remembered it a certain way. Then I started to question it. Like “what if I considered doing said thing?” And it bothered me for a bit. Then I let it go cause I did not do the said thing from what I remember. Fast forward to this year. The memory bothers me. “Why did I stay with him ? Why didn’t I leave after he asked me to do that?” Then came more questions. “ did I really do it and not remember ?” Then comes the googling. “What if I did do it and didn’t remember ? What if I blocked it out?” I am no longer with the person who asked me to do said things. I do feel like contacting the person to see if he remembered the situation at all, but he is a manipulative person. And it’s been about 8 years maybe. From what I remember I said no to said thing when he asked. He asked again I told him no again. He said sorry and changed the subject. And then I still question it. Images come fo my mind. Then I start to question it. The images and thoughts convince me I did said thing and now it’s all I think about. But it goes against my morals. Even then I knew it was bad. But then I think” you probably did it and don’t remember because you loved him” and then the cycle starts all over again.
|
OCD
|
I used to rank first in my class with pretty sick grades but then the transition to online classes happened and it fucked me up. Now, there's the new switch back to regular classes and I'm having a really hard time adjusting and it feels like my brain is on auto-pilot most of the time and not in a good way. I still haven't gained my sense of routine: I go to school, i don't do well, i come home, i sleep for 6 hours despite sleeping well at night yet still feeling sleepy, i accomplish nothing, and i go back to bed. My grades dropped HARD and this is really bad considering I'm in my senior year.
Does anyone have any tips on how to combat that?
|
ADHD
|
It’s a great concept with a dumb metaphor. What do spoons have to do with capacity to cope? Nothing. You can’t scoop capacity. If this was an ice cream shop and we were measuring our depleting ice cream levels yes spoons would make sense. Unfortunately this is not ice cream.
Can we please think of something better? Something literal and autistic af. Joules? Warp factor? Please and thank you
|
aspergers
|
First, im in an ldr. Have been for 2 years and she's amazing.
I have these intrusive thoughts, about my girl and once they strike it spirals out of control. It's negatively affecting everything but my girl is probably suffering the most. Its affecting my sleep which then leaves me irritable and more susceptible to these obsessive thoughts.
I have to note she has done nothing really to bring this on in our relationship. Not at all, in fact she's been nothing but supportive and reasurring. Still its taking a toll on us both but she especially doesn't deserve it
Does anyone have any advice or tips that can help get control over these thought, to stop the spiral of negativity before it takes hold.
|
OCD
|
Nearly 5 years ago someone I helped take care of passed away. He was NoT directly my patient but I’d be asked to assist in taking care of him. His caregiver , like myself , was very lazy. He had a private caregiver that would leave around 8 or 9pm and my co worker wouldn’t change this man until about 6am. He would be laying there for hours possibly urinating repeatedly for hours. Anyways she would ask me to help her change him. Back then I was so timid and afraid to overstep and do someone else’s assignment. NOW I realize it’s not that at all I’m there to help. Anyways the patient was in hospice but 6 months after we started working there one week before he passed away his health took a drastic turn. For YEARS I’ve blamed myself thinking it’s because he would be spoiled and what if he got an infection from his urine. Or what if an open sore in his bottom appeared from being wet. We worked 12 hour shifts. I reason to myself that ... I didn’t work EVERY single day ... I would sometimes sneak in and reposition him. (She was offended when I changed him once by myself without waiting for her because he was on her assignment 😳) ..: there were other factors including the fact that he was on hospice. I always feel like it’s directly MY fault that he died. I get so guilty when I read about neglect and wonder should I be in jail. I talked to my former boss and she agreed yes we should’ve obviously been more proactive in turning him but that his diagnosis is likely what caused him to pass. I don’t know how to let this go. I have since became really vocal about the care given to my residents and anyone I help with but I have also become overly cautious and fearful of being the reason someone passed away.
|
OCD
|
April 30th, exactly 5 months ago today, I was barricaded in my classroom during a school shooting. I was about to get up and present my final presentation in senior seminar for my anthropology degree when someone down the hall yelled “shooter!” We were stuck in that classroom for what felt like an eternity, not knowing what was going on or what was going to happen to us. It was pretty traumatizing and it turned out to be another anthropology class that got hit nearby by a kid who sat 2 rows in front of me in my history class that semester. He had dropped out in February, weird awkward quiet kid, came back on the last day of class to take out his anger on one of his teachers. Funny thing is, that day on the professor’s way to class, his car broke down and he couldn’t make it. The shooter killed 2 students and severely injured 4. I knew some of the people in that class and it was just really hard on me.
I was a mess after that. I had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. I was just really not okay.
Lately I’ve been a lot better, but loud noises give me panic attacks sometimes. I had a really bad one a couple days ago in front of the guy I just started seeing and it was embarrassing. He was really supportive though. He doesn’t judge me and it’s such a relief.
I work at this place called the epicenter where I live and it’s basically just a big complex full of bars and stuff. Today while I was at work there was a shooting on the first floor, gang related, but the person who got shot was just an innocent bystander. They got shot in the head. They managed to keep the victim alive all the way to the hospital, but I’m not sure if they’re going to make it or not. Shooter was apprehended.
I’m okay in regards to the fact that I was safe and on the second floor, but my bar overlooks the whole crime scene. I had to sit and watch the CSI work the crime scene for 2 hours before I was finally cut. Walking out was really rough on me, I relived the entire shooting.... police everywhere, ambulances, fire trucks, helicopters, news reporters... my mind is just really heavy right now. I couldn’t focus during those last couple hours at work. Zoning out. Reliving everything. Flashbacks. I’m finally home now... I feel a little better. Im honestly probably just going to get drunk and try to forget everything. I know it’s not healthy, but I don’t know how to handle this.
The farther the shooting gets away from me, the more time that gets between it and the present, the better I am, but certain things and situations just make me feel like I’m right back to square one. Today I feel like I haven’t gotten anywhere since then. Everything feels foggy.
|
ptsd
|
I'm disappointed and ashamed with who I've ended up being. I don't see any way for me to fix myself because I'm already a matured adult. I'm very stupid, uneducated, I make poor decisions. I don't have a single friend nor have I ever had anyone to spend time with face to face. I am devoid of life experience and my life has been empty. I have not learnt anything of value and I struggled to learn when I tried.
What am I doing here, I'm a failure in everything and a long time ago I got to the point where I realized that there's nothing in life for me. I don't enjoy anything, I feel either nothing or misery. I'm alone in my experience and no one could understand.
I'm a failure and I cannot and will not recover
|
depression
|
I thought I'd try and sleep it off because I could feel myself getting sleepy and then my brother started making noise listening to music. I went in to tell him to use some headphones and he was shouting at me, so now I'm no longer sleepy everything has hit and I'm just having a breakdown.
|
depression
|
So, im taking a videography course in my highschool and i have been working with this one dude that i get along with, but we’re doing a short film assignment and i want to create an action/sci-fi one but im worried he’s going to get mad at me if i tell him i dont want to do a romance short film and they want me infront of the camera and im not comfortable with that. I would like to do something im interested in, and I’m not saying that i would make him do my idea but i would just find someone else that’s interested in that aswell. But i have been obsessing over this for the last 5-6 hours exhausting myself over it, and i just need to know if i should just do it with him and get an anxiety attack, or tell him i wanna do my own thing and also get a pannick attack.
|
OCD
|
Why does every guy want to f me but have zero interest in being my boyfriend. I always prepare them for a real girlfriend… it’s never me.
We have months of outrageous sex, I treat them like kings and than they don’t want me once they get to know me. I’m to much, I’m messy, I’m all over the place…. Is this me or does it have anything to do w adhd? How can I get better?
|
ADHD
|
no matter how much i sleep, i always wake up tired and the only way i can function is if i sleep for 4 or lese hours in one sitting cause my depression won’t let me sleep longer than that. pretty sure that ruins the whole REM cycle but i can’t do anything else
|
depression
|
For those taking medication, how is it like regulating your emotions? I’m having a realllllllly hard time processing this breakup and I can’t stop obsessing over the made up scenarios about our future together. I need some assurance that medication helps with regulating emotions.
I can’t stop letting people have so much power over my emotions and my emotions having so much power over me. Which hinder me from doing anything
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone have any productive tips about dealing with your trauma response to a reactive person?
I am forced to share space with a person who is reactive to my actions. They make passive aggressive remarks, complain about me in their space, and accuse people of discrimination. I do not have the emotional capacity to cope with this person because I recently finished a failed search for lawyers to take my SA case complaint, experienced housing insecurity, and escaped a hostile living situation that made me feel very unsafe.
I am struggling to find a baseline because of this recent turmoil on top of coping with unresolved trauma from prior work situations (racial discrimination and sexual harassment). I had a recent incident with this person and I handled it well by explaining the situation and apologizing if my actions seemed offensive. I also sought support from my supervisor who helped me find a permanent workspace away from that person.
However, I feel so triggered by the incident. I felt extremely upset, terrible adrenaline rush that left me shaky for most of the day, and this terrible feeling of being unsafe. If I wasn’t struggling with PTSD, I would feel irritated at most and discuss the situation with the person or go to HR if that didn’t work. But I can’t even think about the issue without feeling unsafe and panicky.
How have others coped with work conflicts while managing their trauma responses? I already consulted my therapist, but I was curious about what has helped other people.
|
ptsd
|
I found a doujin of my favorite character and another guy once and I deeply regret reading it. I got turned on when my fav character (who I had a small crush on) grasped the other guy's hand and kissed him. At the same time I felt uncomfortable because I didn't wanna like fetishize them and I avoided looking at the other guy. I self-inserted myself in it in my head. But I still feel horrible about it. I even took two screenshots of it, zooming on the character I had a crush on. I deleted them almost right after because I felt horrible and I didn't wanna fetishize gay people. I don't remember it well but I only read a few pages properly, not the whole thing because I obviously felt uncomfortable looking at others having sex. I've always hated fujoshis. But the thing is, I have seen gay fanart of my favorite characters but self-inserted myself?? So how does that make me any different from fujoshis?
I know I'm not a cis girl but I feel gross either way. I don't wanna be one of those "yaoi uwu!!" people. I don't get turned on by gay people kissing or anything like that just because they're gay or something like that. I don't see them as sexual objects. But I still feel like a horrible person. Am I a fujoshi? Am I fetishizing gay people? I've been thinking about this for months. I know asking for help like this isn't the best but I don't feel comfortable asking other people irl this. I don't want them to hate me.
|
OCD
|
I want to start this off with I have a weird ptsd reaction to a particular health center (one of those like medical malls with like every specialty ever in one big building). It's not because anything particularly traumatizing happened there, it's just that it is associated with the aftermath of it. Basically, my gf had a seizure last year and broke her shoulder and we ended up here for consults for surgery and PT and, of course, neurology. I have trauma associated with surgeries and hospitals (caused by bad OCD sounds stupid I know) anyway so her having 2 surgeries in 2 months (endo surgery and shoulder) was a LOT for me.
Right now I can't go in the building due to covid but I also refused before covid happened because of my weird trauma stuff. Usually she'll go in and text me about her appointments. I usually get really anxious in the car and then I get really angry and shut down and I can't function for the next day or so.
This week, she had an appointment where they did an EEG because she keeps having epilepsy complications. This was super anxiety inducing and her neurologist being someone who is always behind by at least an hour doesn't help either. I talked to her the day before and asked if she had any ideas for me so I could avoid having a bad reaction. We came up with a plan that was basically face the car away from the entrance so I didn't have to look at the building, bring a puzzle book or coloring book, and try to distract myself from it. She also wouldn't tell me about the appointment until after she got out and we were in the car so that I didn't spend a long time dwelling and panicking in the car alone so that I freaked out when she got in.
It worked!! I stayed calm, even though she told me some scary stuff, and I didn't shut down. I was *finally* able to function and not be angry. Hopefully we'll be able to go to the place where she had her seizure (at our college campus gym) without me getting upset. It might be a while but small steps are steps still.
|
ptsd
|
I feel like giving up
Sometimes I just feeling like it’s just too much. I’m 22 years old and am losing my hair, my eyes are so dry that I can’t take part in social activities and have regular bouts of depression. At times I wish it would just all end so that nature would stop playing this sick joke on me. Throughout my entire life I’ve fought battles, from getting bullied to my parents getting divorced and now I’m just really tired and wish I could just for once be able to have a normal life. I don’t have anyone to talk to so this is why I’m venting here. Sorry for being a whiny bitch.
|
depression
|
it seems like every time i try to talk to someone they either ghost me or just lose interest it makes me feel like im not good enough for anyone and that no one will actually want me. I feel so broken I feel like im not worthy of love.
|
depression
|
I'm always very cognizant and aware of everyone around me. I feel like I always try to control everything, and I think not divulging certain things and being quiet is a way to control my environment.
|
aspergers
|
you dont actually care, no one cares, anyone who says they care is lying, they don't know me, they don't give a shit about me. Including you, you're wanting to comment on this aren't you? Well it doesn't mean shit. It means nothing to me, as I know you don't care, you don't know me nor want to know me. Same goes for everyone I know, even family, I have no liking towards any of my family, i'm cold hearted and deserve nothing, I just want to be left alone until I die. Most likely going to OD on paracetamol as I believe it to be the most painless method of suicide i've found after my extensive research, I don't know the proper time to do it, i'm always depressed at night time and I know i'll be better in the morning but I don't care. I want it to end now. There's too much stress, nothing to live for, no one in my life. I care about nothing except...death.
|
depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.