body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Around the age of 7 I realized I was different, I studied people and only liked certain things. I’ve always been weird and called weird; people love me or hate me but the bonds I’ve made with close friends is unbreakable. I realized there’s so many people who don’t know who they are or what they want and it was driving me insane. Recently I met someone, he has autism and I didn’t know when we met. We hung out and we vibed on a whole other level than people I’ve met. He understood me and my thought process. He could keep up with everything I was saying and he added valuable input instead of agreeing with me or calling me dumb for talking about ideas and constructs that people don’t talk about. I told him how I’ve formed psychological profiles of people I’ve met cause I notice a lot of people are really the same person and if I learned how to interact with that personality type I could interact with all people who had that personality type. This guy was his own, I never met another person like this except myself. We were under the influence and he stops the conversation and says”... your autistic.” He explained my thought process and how I felt, he told me there’s people who think like me were different but we’re not alone. He explained everything I go through, gave me knowledge on what aspergers is and explained that I was smart and it was okay to be me and think like me. In that Instant something happened. For a long time I’ve been “checked out” I have trouble remembering the years 8-15, I was told I had adhd and was on aderall for years before finding an alternative. For some reason my mind has been clear since I’ve had that conversation with him, for the first time I don’t feel trapped in my mind screaming; I feel free and want to learn more about my super powers. It feels good to know I’m not alone, it was so scary and I didn’t know what was wrong with me I thought I was crazy... it feels good to feel like I belong in this world. Looking for someone to teach me more and give me advice it’s very difficult because the more I learn the sadder my past was. No one understood me and I didn’t understand me. This new understanding feels like a breakthrough, instead of my thoughts cutting off and talking myself into loops I can focus on multiple things again I have creativity again, I just want to learn everything I can. I have so much to catch up on, I’m 22 and have a whole life to live. I want to change the world, help me accomplish my goal.
Truth is I was diagnosed with Apserger’s Syndrome and ADHD at a young age, I forgot I had it and my mother kept it and it’s symptoms a secret. I called my mom the day after I had this conversation with the person and she told me she kept it a secret because she was ashamed of it and said that’s not something you tell people. This whole time I had no idea why I was different but the truth was I did know I just thought autism was a thing that didn’t matter since no one ever talked about it. He told me 2% of people in the world have it; 150,000,000 people. He was the first I had met in my adult life.
|
aspergers
|
So, just had a phone appointment with a GP to try and get a referral, and I'm crying right now because it did not go that well.
First she tells me that it takes “years” to get a diagnosis (I'm in Scotland, btw), so “some people, not that it's right, may think it's not worth it to give you a diagnosis if you've managed 30 years and through school with it”.
Then she asks me what made me think about it, and I tell her I found some stuff about it while I was reading up on something for something I was writing and thought it sounded uncomfortably familiar, but left it for a while, and over the last 6 months or so, I've been researching it more, hearing from people who have adhd, etc.
Then she asks what I think is the worst thing that I deal with, so I explain how horrible my executive dysfunction is, how much I *want* to do the things, but I just can't make myself do them, and she's like “okay, so procrastination”, and I'm like, well, I guess, except I also “procrastinate” going to the bathroom and brushing my teeth, which is detrimental to my health and can also be incredibly humiliating.
Then she's like “well so far this doesn't sound like ADHD, they could just be personality traits, or low mood”. Uh, what.
She goes on to ask me for more symptoms.
So I tell her. I've written them all down. Many of them are examples of things that affect me which I got directly from the ASRS-V1.1.
And she tells me, “okay, so none of this is really matching up with the typical presentations of ADHD.” I'm sitting there trying not to cry on the phone.
She tells me she's going to send me a questionnaire thing and to fill it out and send it back to them and we'll make another appointment to discuss it.
So now I'm actually crying. Great start to the day this was. Was hoping this would have gone better. Now I have to phone the doctor's surgery again, because I have an appointment to get my blood pressure taken which I made the same time as this appointment, but I immediately forgot what time that appointment was after they told me. So that's good.
I have no idea what to do. I'm just gonna go along with this questionnaire thing she's sending me and see what happens, I guess. 😔
|
ADHD
|
I recently figured out I could possibly have OCD (prob definitely do). I mainly struggle with existential and moral OCD.
When I try to accomplish my goals, I start questioning everything.
Why are my values what they are, Why should I try to accomplish my goals, what if it all means nothing, who am I? etc.
My biggest fear is losing who I am, what I want and essentially losing my grip on reality. Like I'll slowly become that dude that hides in a bunker from the world. I'm scared shitless of that.
I can't afford to go to a therapist right now so I basically do the bare minimum to get by. However, I'm not accomplishing things I'm passionate about, binge eating and not even exercising because I'm just really afraid I'll flip one day. What's the point of working on myself if I'm gonna lose my mind? If I can't trust my self?
|
OCD
|
Title is self explanatory. Let me give some background info.
I've been dealing with OCD/Anxiety disorders for the last 5 years. It usually comes in waves followed by long remissions.
Since getting my first covid shot, there has been a massive germ OCD spike along with agoraphobia. Basically I'm afraid of going out, I avoid social interactions, etc. Even walks by myself are a horror story. Every time I come home, there's an intense sanitizing procedure and guilt for the fact I've gone out. I wear two n95 masks wherever I go.
What's making me anxious now is a worker from district heating came today here to take some measurements from water meters. We've procrastinated that as long as possible so sooner or later she must have come home to read the meters. I live in an apartment complex and I'm sure she has been in a few dozen homes by now. Although I haven't been in any contact with her (I was in my room), my parents were. Despite the fact they were all wearing masks and the interaction was short (1-2 minutes), there's still that thought in my mind telling me that probably we've just become infected. From what I've heard, she didn't cough or anything. Just to mention that my parents are not very young.
Once I get the second shot and wait a week or two, I won't care even a bit for that virus. But the struggle is staying healthy until then. And that's nearly a whole MONTH (9 days since the first dose).
Are 9 days sufficient to build some kind of immunity to possibly battle the virus that this lady could've given us? Is the chance high or I'm overexaggerating? COVID situation where I live has lessened a bit and pretty much everything is open now - clubs, bars, gyms and so on.
How can I lessen my suffering until this shit is over? Probably visiting a specialist is the best option along with SSRIs but first, I don't want to meet anyone in person and second, SSRIs take a long time to take effect.
|
OCD
|
I got a new OB, my insurance insisted I go to him. I had read good things and it was only supposed to be the birth control arm implant replacement anyways. I try not to judge drs on their genders. They all go through the same schooling. They deserve a chance. The nurse asked me if I wanted a PAP smear while I was there - I said sure. I needed one anyways. I told her of my prior sexual abuse, rape, trauma. I still conceded I didn’t mind if it were a man - a female would be in the room anyways - insurance policies and all that.
I am 27. I have had PAPs done before, but this one was so painful, I had tears running down my face. He kept saying he couldn’t see my cervix. That I was clenching. I tried to relax - my service dog alerted panic. I relaxed, it hurt. I do not know if he used lube because it felt as though I was going to split. I have no idea why it hurt so badly. I complained and he took out the speculum. Then, he went in with fingers, shoving so far it hurt me and I backed up on the table,
He started pushing on my ovaries, on everything and I hurt. He said - as his fingers were inside of me “STOP CLENCHING. There’s no use fighting me.” I felt tears run down my face. I just wanted a PAP. Why was the nurse not saying anything? Was this normal? Was I too traumatized? He then said I needed blood work done before I could get my implant replaced. He said it would take 4 weeks to order. He said - and I ran out of the room, the office, angry and upset. The office called me and told me to come back - I needed lab work. I refused. I will not return there. I will not return to how he made me feel, how the nurse said nothing, how angry and hurt I felt.
I got home and took two Xanax. I slept.
I was woken up by my grandmother, with a letter, it was important - maybe? I read the name - the name of my ex. The one who’s name I can’t hear, the songs we once listened to still make me sick, another panic attack rose as I read the letter. He’s found God - becoming a preacher or whatever they call it. He wants to see me, says my grandfather (God rest his soul) visited him as a hummingbird, told him it was okay to continue loving me. I cried. I panicked. I thought of these months that I had tried my best to feel safe and secure. How long it had been since I had heard from him, believing he had finally left me alone. I read the letter over and over. So much love and importance he poured into me, perhaps forgetting -
The nights I cowered as he screamed at me for hours, the months his meth addiction won over our love, the months I always went back, sacrificing myself because I thought, so foolishly that he was the one. He could have been, had he dealt with his mental illnesses, had he truly gotten clean. We were happy in those moments, but those were few and far between. How many times he tried to kill me. How many times I tried to kill myself because of the pain. Had he forgotten all of those times? Had he forgotten in his search for God?
I wrote him a letter. So long winded, it barely fit in an envelope, explaining to him why we failed, how he had traumatized me so, how I still wanted him the days I was in the hospital fading between this world and the next, how I cannot see him, how, he may be my husband under God, but this is not the time - not the place, not enough time has passed. I need more time. Years, I said. Just like with Nathan. With Joshua. With anyone who hurt me so. I said he taught me the most valuable lesson I have ever had to learn - that sometimes, people can live in your heart, but not in your life.
He left me a number to call if I wanted to see him. He’s at some religious school. I called today. I said, can I leave a message for him? They said yes. I said to tell him - He will be receiving a letter in the mail; that he lives in my heart, but I will not see him. I said - my name is Jordan. He will know who I am.
I have spent these days trying to sleep away the fear, the anxiety, the feeling of being unsafe. I have thought of suicide once or twice, but I’d rather just sleep instead. My service dog is worried. I can tell. He has not seen me like this in a long time. I think, he may be afraid, of me going away for awhile - again. He is currently in my arms. He has let me fall asleep bear hugging him lately - something he has never let me do before. He seems to know that I am not myself. That I am not okay. He is here. And that is all that really matters. I took a shower today. For the first time in, a couple days. I washed the sweat off myself - from the nightmares. The dirt from myself, from trying to get him some exercise in the mornings by taking him to the dog park before I need to go back to sleep.
I have barely left my bed in the last three days. I both want to be held by somebody, but want nobody at the same time. It is just Odin and I. I constantly feel sick. I wake up with layers of sweat. I don’t know how to handle what has become of me. I was doing so well, just last week.
I don’t know what to do. I have isolated myself. I do not want to talk. I do not want to go out. I finally got myself to cook something of substance today. It made me feel sick eating again. But, I did.
I guess it’s time to go back to sleep.
Odin is already asleep in my arms.
|
ptsd
|
Hello.
I'm dying of guilt because I've involved my friend in the confirmation process, and I still suspect him just a little bit, a very little bit.
I can't sleep because I'm worried that everyone will leave me if I'm sick like this, and that I'm really alone with this disease, even though my personality is not that good to begin with. It's really painful.
|
OCD
|
It's funny in the sense that I know your OCD is complete bullshit and you feel the same way about my OCD probably. So strange.
|
OCD
|
It's tradition! And it's ok.
Your interests are a moving target, and while it can get discouraging that no one organizer/planner/app will keep your interest forever, it's ok to acknowledge that and keep following your joy.
If your brain is pushing you in the right direction now because of something new, don't fight it. Embrace it. And embrace that it'll leave you and you'll need to move on to the next thing.
|
ADHD
|
not casting all ASD peeps as toxic or anything. jw because I saw a phrase that roughly went by someone diagnosed with HFA "stop worrying about what I do and say." got toxic and argumentative when challenged for bad behavior.
someone else that I don't believe is formally diagnosed but seems to have similar traits say more or less the same thing. they pride themselves on being blunt and also seem to be emotionally blind and clueless about how they affect others. get impatient and hostile when confronted yada yada.
i seem to be running into this type quite often and have gotten better at spotting them. was wondering if this was common among the ones that don't care.
|
aspergers
|
Today I almost killed myself, again... and threatened my partner whose been my rock thru this at knife point. I started EMDR and IFS thru zoom with a decent therapist about 4 sessions in. Have been thru the gauntlet already of psych offices, crisis lines, therapists, grounding and breathing techniques.
I just can’t do it anymore. It’s becoming this increasingly Groundhog Day type of reliving my sadness, and just being stuck grieving the person I could have been. Lot of history of family abuse, revenge fantasies and violence constantly playing out in my head.
I’m one of those people you see at a party that has a “warm smile” and I try to be empathic as possible (sometimes maybe too much so)...
But I just feel at odds with how this world operates. I know at the existential level I’m too small to change the big problems but I also struggle with ACCEPTANCE. It’s become a cyclical process where I think I accept or forgive something only to have it blow up in my face during a mood swing.
I’m tired of trying to walk this minefield of a life where I’m either sobbing, or stoned, or raging out, with brief windows of levity where I just try to catch my breath.
My partner loves me and is fighting to save the part that loves him just as fiercely back... but it’s taking it’s toll on him. He’s only human too, and I see more depression creeping up in him, and his worry over my instability.
Has anyone else had such a visceral raw reaction to starting EMDR? Anyone care to share how long of a process it was before it stopped just being a feedback loop of agony?
I just can’t keep standing in this burning building with everyone I know just asking me to hold on. Please don’t recommend any crisis lines I just got off one they don’t help. They just give you numbers of places near you in case you wanna get yourself checked in. Had a bad experience being held at a psych facility for 4 days so not wanting inpatient.
Thanks for coming to my TED Wail into the Void.
|
ptsd
|
I used to love being alone and by myself, I wasn’t trying to make new friends and when I did it was usually pretty easy. However now I find the reverse effect is true I feel the need to have more connections with others yet I find it harder to make said connection. Even if the person finds my jokes funny and I am nice to them they really don’t seem like they wanna be friends. It kinda sucks I used to not want to make more friends but I guess I do now. Ughhh what a pain
|
OCD
|
I post too much here.... anyways,
My school, work, community, everyone around me is naturally thin and pretty and looks good and then there's me. I'm known for being the fat person and it breaks me down so much. I don't give a shot about the "don't lose weight for the wrong reasons" fuck that I want to be thin so I look attractive and can wear something other than sweat pants. I finally dipped under 190 and now I'm at 192 in the span of 3 days, no one ever makes an effort to talk to me, I'm the only fat one in everyone of my classes, at my job and everywhere I go. I get really self-conscious when I eat infront of people and try to play it off by laughing. It fucking sucks being fat and it's like I can't escape it. I'm always going to be fat and be known for being fat, especially when I'm into someone, they usually say I don't have a type or thin/skinny girls. It hurts and I hate it. I want to just stab and slice it all off until there's nothing left. It's revolting
|
depression
|
I've been suffering so much with OCD, having terrible terrible thoughts about things and the people I love and it has hurt so much. My worldviews have changed, parts about me that made me love myself and smile knowing I was in me has changed and I want it back. I've had terrible thoughts about my girlfriend and it's made me lose interest in her and I don't want it, I hate it I wanna go back I love her so much.
But after having the worst panic attack of this 2 month OCD episode, my body just stopped panicking. Intrusive thoughts died down (but still 3-4/10 still there), ruminate a little less, and etc. But the thing is I don't like it, I don't wanna feel happier/better unless I'm back to how I was. The lack of fear scares me because the thoughts feel more real, I told myself that when I have anxiety it proved the thoughts weren't mine and now I don't even have that, it's scary. I don't wanna change as a person, I don't wanna get used to this version of me, and I hate how I don't 100% resent it. I have to grip my fist and punch my head just to feel something and agree not to change, I hate not feeling things. It's not a numb feeling it's like my brain is comfortable with where I am a little and it sucks, I don't wanna change permanently.
Someone, please tell me that if I go on meds (Which might be soon) I'll go back to how I was. I'll think the good thoughts I had, feel things towards my girlfriend and etc. It's so ironic but I hate not panicking and being scared, I dont wanna be comfortable in this new form of me, I've lost who I am. Please don't tell me this damage is permanent. This new version and being okay with it feels so real and I'm hoping it's OCD. If I fear the good feelings and thoughts then will OCD give me more? Or is it just awful thoughts idk, I want these good feelings to be OCD.
Also of you guys know, is this some sort of trauma response? After literally 2 months of straight panic and terrible awful thoughts and feelings, has my mind had enough for now? Did the last great panic attack and freakout trigger the "Good feelings" in my brain? I really hope it did and that when I go on meds and get help I'll go back, cause I desperately need that rn.
Thanks <33
|
OCD
|
How do I start a conversation?
It feels very annoying to have Autism Spectrum Disorder. It causes me not to understand simple language.
I don't even understand anything you are guys talking about. I feel frustrated at my lack of social skills.
I feel frustrated at myself!
|
aspergers
|
Wish I would allow myself to acknowledge the good things that are happening now rather than feeling like I am deluding myself and the next bad thing is just waiting to happen. After several years of compound trauma my husband and I are finally in a better place where things arent going wrong at every turn but I still feel like I cant trust the stability. Every time i have a good day or a good moment I find myself feeling unsettled by it and end up looking for the "comfort" in negativity. Does anyone else feel like this? Feels like I sabotage my good days and just want to be happy being safe.
|
ptsd
|
I am currently taking Vyvanse and I noticed nothing taste good after taking it like everything taste like shit. My doctor told me its not the medication and i have an oral thrush, but ive been taking his medicine for almost 2 weeks and its not getting better. I decded to stop taking the medicine for about a week and it started to get slightly better but i wasnt sure if it was the mouthwash for the thrush or the stopping of the medication. I see a couple of people within this subreddit that have had very similar issues when taking the medicine. Im wondering if anyone else has had this issue and if it went away. Its been a couple of weeks and my taste is still horrible so im hesitant to take the medication its driving me absoltely crazy. Ive even lost a shit ton of weight from not being able to eat i just want this fixed.
|
ADHD
|
I’m about 10 weeks postpartum with my second child, and man… ADHD makes it REALLY hard to feel like a good parent. I feel like there is always too much going on at once, and it gets so overwhelming.
Any other parents out there with ADHD that have any tips for a mom who wants to be the best version of herself for her children?
|
ADHD
|
I have not done this in months nor do I ever want to again, but I used to search google for adult porn and sometimes on the image results there would be hentai/ computer generated images and they definitely appeared underage, this scared me at the time and I didn’t really think much of it. However this past week I got a thought about how bad it was in my head and began frantically searching about it and seeing if it was illegal. now I’m scared to death because I think it’s illegal and I can’t hardly sleep or eat because all I can think about is why the hell I saw those things. I mean none of it was real, but I’m still horrified. This is the worst thing I feel like that could ever happen, and I’d rather die than be a pedophile. I’m a gay man and I’m into guys my age. I’m going to see a therapist but I’m scared of feeling them, because what if they think I’m a danger to children and report me. I’m just so terrified, I don’t know what to do.
|
OCD
|
Please help! I keep feeling like I want to even though I know I dont! What do I do??
|
OCD
|
10 yrs ago. Flash backs and nightmares ruled my life! I was beaten and tortured for yrs as a child. Starved. In 2008. I started to have bad flash backs and panic attacks. I started to read. Cross train. And dive deeper in to it and Tell my self daily "i am a warrior. I refuse to lose" .i believe in it and my self. (It did help that i was lucky enough to confront 2 of my abusers too. I felt elation!!) I dwell on the good i do and how far i have came. Because depression is a hold with no bottom. Once you fall in. You will just be on a free fall. Every one is not lucky to be strong..but all i can say is dont give up! Believe in your self and dont let your ptsd own you! Don't allow it to rule your life! Life is too short to live in that shit hole!
|
ptsd
|
I see these posts bidaily about people in their late 20’s or 30’s who went their entire life undiagnosed, I’m 19 turning 20 in a month and I can relate to what they say about school struggles, not having motivation to really do anything, not being able to focus on a task for more than a minute without my brain thinking about something else, Etc... I’m writing this because I would like some help knowing how you guys who went undiagnosed finally got diagnosed. I’m really lost, and have no clue where to start. Ive never told my doctors or anyone about it.
|
ADHD
|
Since I started Concerta, almost 9 months ago, I've been experiencing a strange sensation in my right side in my muscles I think, the best way I can describe it is its almost like the Branston hicks cramps which precede real labour. It gets worse during the day and by early evening it gets almost painful. I've told my gp and physciatrist who don't know what I'm talking about. I'm 59 and wondering if I'm too old physically to tolerate the methylphenidate?
Anyone else experienced this ?
|
ADHD
|
So recently my ocd has gotten a lot worse that normally I’d wash my hands with soap a load and if it was really bad sometimes bleach but not it’s every time and does anyone have any tips, I’m seeing my ocd specialist tomorrow but I need tips until then, also if you have any experience telling your therapist about this kind of thing can you please tell me what happened for you? Thank you:))
|
OCD
|
I'm in a clinic and got a roommate. Yesterday I told them I'd go to the city with them later and totaly forgot. As I came back, she told me I forgot her, that she isn't important and everyone dislikes her. I understand that she told me I forgot her, because I did and I was sorry! But I'm so sick of hearing the other 2 statements knowing she has parents and a boyfriend she talks to everyday. I apologized and we went to the city later in the evening tho and everything seemed ok.
Then today I forgot to organise that she and I clean the kitchen together in the evening and hung out with other people for a few hours. She still needed to clean just with someone else (as I should have to too, also with someone else). I know I'm the asshole for forgetting to organise and even just after the day I forgot the other thing. But then she said out loud again "I'm never important! I just wanna die! No one would care about it anyway!" and it made me furious inside. Why tell me that? Wanna make me feel even worse for forgetting, like I'm responsible for your selfworth? Am I supposed to fall to my knees telling her "Oh no please, I'm so sorry!"?
I told her before she can text me anytime I forget something and demand for me to come back/do something, because I'm very forgetfull, but she just doesn't, tells me later (that's ok too for me), but then follows up with these statements without giving me space to respond, and it makes me mad and unable to say I'm sorry.
(I know sorry isn't enough, esp. after forgetting 2 things in a row, but what else should I do in the moment itself?)
The other thing I'm sick of is not being able to cheer someone up. Esp. if I don't know the person very well. I don't want to touch people cuz idk if they want that (and sometimes I don't want that), most of the time I don't know whats the problem and can't respond. Just talking about something else seems like I don't care, right? Just being there and watch them cry makes me incredible uncomfortable. When someone sad comes up, I just freeze and don't know how to respond. My whole body just screams that I need to get away and that it's less rude then being there and doing nothing.
I feel so tense right now. I know I'm bad at socialising, remembering people, what I told them or they told me, and doing said things. I know I'm horrible at cheering people up. I know I f up a lot, and that's the reason I just don't want to socialise. There's so much stuff you should remember about someone. If I try socialising in groups it gets even worse. Who said what? How am I supposed to remember stuff someone told me? Do I really need a notebook because I'm forgetfull? I don't want to take that with me everytime in case I socialise, also it probably seems rude and gives them the feeling of being unimportant because I can't remember stuff about them with my head.
At the same time I battle a lot with loneliness, isn't that great? I don't feel like I fit in with others, and thinking about having to reshape myself so I fit so it stops, makes me just mad. It makes me sad because I'm not ok the way I am. I don't want to be responsible for others deep feelings, and also them not being responsible for mine. I can deal with myself when I'm sad or angry, that's ok for me. I don't want deep friendships. I just need people I can ask for a good time. Lets play games, go to a coffee shop, travel a bit and also be ok if the other person doesn't have the energy.
|
aspergers
|
I’ve been so depressed this entire semester of college, and it’s caused me to fail. This semester I had two classes and an internship. My mental health has been bad since the start of the pandemic, I’ve had good moments off and on, but mostly especially since the semester started I’ve been depressed. I also have ADHD and anxiety. It was hard to balance a job an internship and two classes. I failed both of my classes, and lost my internship. I don’t know what to do now. I just feel so worthless. I’ve crying the past two days and I can’t focus at work. I don’t know what I’m going to do going forward. I want to finish school but I’m afraid of failure.
|
depression
|
I got diagnosed with ADHD in January, four months after I started looking into what the condition was. The problem is, my diagnosis is an educational diagnosis. This means I can't get meds. With the whole "virtual learning" toilet water uni year I just decided that I was getting nowhere and would instead take a year out to get diagnosed medically, get meds, and then come back to uni hopefully more ready to do as well as I want.
6 months later, I'm still no closer to the fucking thing. Changing doctors was a nightmare when I moved back home and required me to re explain the situation like four times to every person I talked to and I've only JUST got a doctor to start writing a referral letter.
If I want to get diagnosed through the nhs, I could go on their waiting list which can take 2-3 years, so instead the plan was to go through Psychiatry uk, which can take only 3 months. I go to their website today and:
*"Due to the popularity of our service, we have received significant referrals for our adult ADHD service, with all appointments up to October 2022 filled. Doctors’ availability for initial ADHD assessments is not open yet from October 2022, so we are currently unable to provide you with an appointment date at this time. We expect it will be available by the end of January 2022, when we will begin booking patients in again."*
So, by the looks of things, even after taking a year out of uni I will still be going back with NO medical diagnosis NO medication and NO closer to getting to literally just *the normal standard for a uni student*. I don't want these meds for super powers or some shit I just want to be fucking NORMAL. I hate this so much.
As a quick comparison, I rang my doctors about depression in january and was taking strong medication literally the same day. You're telling me that they can give out pills that make you suicidal with a <20 minutes over the phone conversation but the process for getting adhd meds is this fucking long????????
I'm totally at a loss of what to do now. It doesn't even seem worth applying to anything. By the time I'm diagnosed I will be in the final months of uni and have already failed everything. What's the point.
|
ADHD
|
I recently noticed a trend after only lurking on these OCD message boards. None of us feel very worthy of love.
OCD should not be able to steal this from us. Whether you’re avoiding knives because sharp objects trigger unfathomable intrusive thoughts about your loved ones, something I experienced constantly at time, or you have healthy anxiety related to an undiscovered diagnosis that causes you to over attribute normal bodily functions to something more sinister, something I’ve also dealt with this year, we are still deserving of love. We, as carriers of this disorder, are all too aware of how OCD can wreak havoc on relationships. It has been the subject of significant strife in my own relationship and something I have to constantly be open
We cannot punish ourselves and isolate. It only leads to anxiety and depression. It takes so much bravery to talk about OCD.
We deserve healthy relationships just like others. I wish nothing but happiness and peace for all of us.
|
OCD
|
My goals seem to shift or fade as soon (if) as I achieve anything. And then it doesn't bring any pleasure to achieve, let alone enjoying "having", because I have mentally already digested all the novelty and maladaptively daydreamed the fuck out of everything.
I think I also "broke" something when I realized identity is just mostly rubbish stories people tell themselves (kind of predictable too sometimed, like NLOGs and people too obsessed with their gender, sexuality, or profession?).
The only way to motivate myself to do anything was some sort of redemptive ADHD arc about how I'm "not actually stupid".
But now I am an androgynous pillow princess to my partner and we're queer and I'm having some sort of resistance to being some "success whöer Independent Womah". I don't care and it even feels apalling to me because that's the wrong way to see me.
I don't have a narrative that supports that, it feels gross to me internally. It's cliche and not subversive at all and it makes me not want to go to my applied mechanics class. The only mechanics I wanna learn is about getting fucked softly while I starfish uwu
Partner is unsure what to do with me and wants to empower me and help me do humab things, but I don't feel like being empowered.
Fuckslug identity is also losing its traction very quickly and I am left without any interesting novelty in storytelling - it's already very faint and only temporarily, kind of like shopping and gaming, gives me any sliver of stimulation.
We (I?) subverted the subversions of the subverted tropes and arrived at "idk grow up, we're just people and real people aren't stories" (that's something ex partner said and less crudely, current is just clueless and sad about it all but also realizes we aren't each other's identity/"having it all" fetish but just a loving stable normal couple of people now).
But that's so fucking boring and life feels absolutely meh
I am pretty convinced this subversions/reversals thing is an ADHD and novelty seeking thing. It's been the very core of my being, seeking more complexity, exceptions and easter eggs, since... As long as I can remember. I used to live maladaptive daydreams all the time too.
Has anyone come to face reality and adulthood at ~23yo this way?
I love them to bits and I'm in a better environment than ever before. Also medicated. Many changes along the 5 or so years this has crept about in my head, too, so can't be really a living place/different school/different relationship thing - i had some before current. Also my family are golden nuggets and absolutely brilliant, interesting people.
|
ADHD
|
Hello internet
I started a new job this past week and it’s been really fun! I’ve been unemployed for awhile, as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has so going back to work was both intimidating and exciting. I seem to do well being a bartender but I always find that it overwhelms me and I can’t find a moment to go take a few moments to compose myself. Being that I haven’t actually told my managers that I am on the autism spectrum, I don’t want to just come out and say it and then they get all weird or start treating me differently. I guess I’m asking because I can only mask for so long and at this point it’s so natural to me that I almost lose my true self but I don’t wanna do that anymore.
Do any of you have tips on how to slowly unmask at a new job/how to professionally ask for more breaks without drawing too much attention to myself?
|
aspergers
|
I just needed these thoughts out of my mind, cause they have been in there for long enough, So where to start... I got diagnosed with ADHD like 2,5 months ago now (Im 22 years old) and it answered ALOT of questions for myself, but it also gave me one big question I cant find to lay to rest in my head.
If always thought/been telling myself my whole life that how I think in my head/act everyone thinks like that, like for example: I always had a short attention span ofc and where a bit dreamy, or somewhat lazy, But i always told myself, no (insert my name here), everyone has these things but you sometimes have it a little more than the others around you and thats not weird to be like that. And after so many years talking to myself like that. I think now wirh the news that I have ADHD, I find it hard to realise not everyone had the same brain as me. (Im not trying to sound selfish here or something, I think i just made this all up as a co op mechanism to give me comfort and now I find it hard to let that go).
But now l also started to get in group sessions for ADHD and that really helps me out alot, like hey thank god Im not the only one with this kind of brain, and all the tips and learning from each other helps me out! So after all im making alot of progress for myseld besides this thought that keeps spooking in my head!
Sorry if my english seems a bit incorrect and I hope I selected the right flair!
|
ADHD
|
And it's been hard to accept because I considered my life threatening traumas ptsd as the only ptsd I had. I had flashbacks, hallucination that came from flashbacks, triggers like specific sounds, disassociation from remembering anything from the traumas, but it's completely different to how my other trauma manifested.
My emotional trauma is from ongoing bullying and abuse, I have a hard time trusting anyone and if I see anything remotely toxic I'll cut them out immediately, I'm afraid of people and have severe stress from fear and anxiety when I go out in public thinking someone would find something to abuse me with (I still live with my abusive parent because I can function like this, but it was happens with friends and family, the area I live in isn't that accepting and I've been abused for being trans my whole life- and generally been treated badly.)
I have severe depression from realizing nobody would "ever" support me in my life and feel hopeless all the time, as well as distant. I feel detached from everybody in this sense. One of the things that triggers my stress is yelling, I can get these extreme allergic reactions from stress: "When your body is stressed, it releases histamine -- the same chemical that triggers your allergy symptoms." My depressive emotional state can get so bad that I could hallucinate from the emotional stress alone, and that can last less than a day to years of, so far the exact same hallucination. Along with other depressive symptoms regularly being to tired constantly, having no enjoyment/reward for anything, trouble listening using the right words, ext.
I don't think I have complex ptsd because I don't match most of the differences, I don't have mood swings for example. I could say I do have trouble being social and being involved in the news because I withdraw myself from the world, and have trouble getting close to people, I feel like everyone is toxic somehow: though I know that nobody's perfect and I'm prone to being wrong and making mistakes too. It's been a year of trying to understand myself and maybe this is the first time I'm really accepting that this is PTSD and not only depression.
The thing is I don't know how to tackle this. I tackled my past PTSD with forcing myself to think of the traumas and accept that I was helpless in that situation, and I had a right to be scared, and it could happen again but in the end I survived. I have been free of that PTSD for years, and before this I thought my emotional trauma was more from my Low self-esteem that came from bullying and caused social anxiety and self hatred. Turns out this is a lot more than I bargained for, again. And like I thought months ago, living with someone abusive isn't helping, but I can't work like this and still be moderately healthy, like without emotional breakdowns that cause hallucinations and allergic attacks being my normal.
Covid and self-distancing has made me fell safer around others to an extent, but as the rules are being let down and I'm still trying to have a social life, my stress has been high lately and I had my first allergy attack in years. I thought I was coping, but it was only the temporary situation making me feel better about isolating myself from the world. I have been coping to an extent, but it's really just been me not forcing myself to mask around people or make myself to my school work or anything, I've become dysfunctional to relieve some stress. I am also terrified of not being able to wear my masks anymore as they would make me feel more vulnerable. Given this I have been doing better at self care and treating myself, that low self-esteem I had is completely gone and I'm making a few boundaries because I don't feel like I deserve the abuse anymore. That's good I guess, but being around toxic people still comes at a price for me.
I don't know what to do at this point, and ironically hate when people give advice because I have ""trust issues"", as well as I've always thought for myself to an extent so I don't feel like following peoples advice till I see a reason to do so. I'm trying to be reasonable, but living around people, acquaintances, friends or family, to a extent I'm actually right because they really don't understand the extent of my pain and do nothing to help me, or actually make me feel better around them. Like, I say I don't really have trust issues because trust comes with time, I've just been around shitty people long enough to notice the warning signs better and know when they're not going to be a friend to me. I'm also learning that other people without my issues have a hard time finding true friends, like the ones that would visit you in the hospital and the ones that actually care about your interests and identity anyways. Ugh, it's so hard to accept all this, I'm not necessarily in denial, I just don't understand how my trauma can be helped?
|
ptsd
|
My best friend is working through exposure therapy right now and she has made incredible progress. I follow this subreddit to get a better understanding of what she goes through and how I can support her.
For those of you who don't have a support system, I want you to know that you are amazing. Living with OCD in whatever way it presents for you is difficult. I don't know what OCD is like personally but I know that what you accomplish in your day WITH OCD is more than I could ever do.
Remember:
It's okay to ask for support.
You are so much more than a diagnosis.
It will get better.
You are amazing.
|
OCD
|
I follow a lot of NSFW artists on Twitter and some of them use Pixiv, so I decided to create an account and disable the NSFW filter, and BAM… On the front page was drawn fucking >!CSAM!<. It was horrifyingly realistic and the moment I saw it I wanted to gouge my fucking eyes out.
But now it’s stuck in my head rent-free and I can’t ever unsee it. I would not show it to my worst enemy, that’s how bad it was. Now my mind is swirling with intrusive thoughts and obsessions of “what if I come to like it” or “what if I consumed it” and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to do that. It’s absolute torture and I just want to be free of it and forget about it. I would literally have a chunk of my brain surgically removed in order to achieve that.
Hell I can’t even enjoy cheap ramen without it coming up. I officially hate Japan now.
|
OCD
|
Time to ask your opinions. Sorry if I make any mistakes, English is not my first language. This happened in Northern Ireland, U.K. 🇬🇧
TL;DR: Psychiatrist forgot about me and is making my path to treatment really awkward.
Anxiety and depression worsened with the lockdown, decided to talk with a student counsellor, a free program as I can’t afford a proper counsellor. Luckily, she was a little genius who suggested that I might have ADHD or Autism Spectrum disorder. Talked to the GP, now in NHS waiting list. It’s gonna be well into next year until I first get seen by a specialist much less start treatment.
So me and wife scrapped some savings together and decided to go to a private psychiatrist. £250 per session. Done the session and he confirmed what the counsellor had said, either ADHD or ASD.
But then we was a bit vague for the course of treatment. My wife rang after and she spoke with him, and he was adamant yeah he needs to start medication.
Ok, we will await your report. And we waited. After 4 weeks we called. He apologised and said due to covid he has had more work to do so things are taking too long. Report will be with us shortly.
So we wait some more. My wife works at the same clinic where I saw him. So she talks with the report typing department who say they have nothing scheduled from him. He hasn’t made the report. Complaints are made and finally he gets back to us, with basically poorly written notes, even with details completely wrong from our session. And also his determination to have me started on meds has kinda of diminished.
So I wrote him what I think was an example of a professional report with my info corrected as I was not amused. He called me and says he agrees with everything I wrote blah blah blah but he’s making this so much more difficult than what it already is.
I’m stressed and depressed over this whole wait and gaslighting from the clinic as well, some people trying to twist what has happened to make it my fault.
The report should be ready today hopefully. I’m just so tired of all of this. Don’t know what to do next.
|
ADHD
|
I have so much on my plate right now. I just turned 26 so I'm freaking tf out about insurance and how I'm gonna pay for my meds (I'm taking Vyvanse for adhd and Prozac for depression) if I don't have my meds I feel like I won't get anything done and just wanna cry in bed all day. I also just started working this awful job just to try and get insurance where I have to be there at 6am or else I'll get a point (6:01 is considered a point and it's a "union" factory job that the job itself took it upon themselves to get into just to say they're American made and unionized company that doesn't ever help their employees) and there's a varying point system where at 21 points you will be terminated, the catch is however its extremely easy to get points there!
I have to be there till 4:30pm. It's nice that I only work M-TH but I literally only have 4-5 hrs to myself before i gotta knock myself out or else I won't get at least 7 hrs of sleep. and then I been in this community college computer programming program that only goes to March and is very accelerated. Virtual class happens on Mondays and Thursdays from 5:30- 8:30 so those days im just exhausted and wanna shower and sleep anyway. I just have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with no end in sight trying to keep up with this class and at the very least eat! I know exercising would make me feel great and cope but I literally don't have anytime I feel.
Of course there's days where I have free time ( like the weekends) but there's just so much to do and so little time to do it I get in an adhd induced paralysis where I lay down and do nothing and think of all the things I gotta do but don't know what to even start with first.
All I'm asking for is the restart button or the game over button at this point bc its just all too much at times.
Tldr: I feel like I'm drowning with a broken brain . I don't know what to do anymore in my life and I'm afraid to ask anyone for help in fear that they will just tell me to try harder and make me even more frustrated and overwhelmed
|
ADHD
|
My mom kept telling me and telling me to get a job on my year off before college and I said I’d do it eventually but I never did, instead I got welfare and just stayed at home, all it took was a couple weeks before HOCD struck it fangs and I regret that decision every single day, all I had to do was get my ass off my bed and get a fucking job, I would’ve had more this saved up this year and wouldn’t have HOCD and wouldn’t be depressed from being home alone all the time. Why...why tf didn’t I listen, I’d give anything to turn back time
|
OCD
|
I can’t afford to get evaluated the traditional, expensive way. I have medicaid, Horizon Nj health. Has anyone successfully been able to be evaluated with just these resources? I found one therapist through my provider. He didn’t take me too seriously, but undoubtedly concluded i have borderline personality disorder.
Does anyone know how I can start and get evaluated?
Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
I'm just wondering if anyone else struggles with this or understands/has resources regarding the psychology behind it.
It doesn't have to do with anonymity for me. I will do this on any and all of my social media platforms, often with my name and face attached, to share with all of my friends/family/random followers/strangers.
I've also noted that the struggle/discomfort with sharing one-on-one doesn't just apply to face to face or phone calls. Even texting/direct messaging people often feels things way for me, and I will often procrastinate responding to individual messages for days or even weeks, even if it's related to a topic I've recently shared about. I'll even do it with individual comments on my posts, though not to such an extreme degree.
I realize that when I make a post, I'm able to take extra time, plan exactly how I want to say things, and process what's going on in my head before sharing it with other people. But that's obviously not the entire reason, because I'm afforded the same time/planning when responding to comments or direct messages, but I still find it difficult/tedious.
Anyone else struggle with this? What are your thoughts? What tricks/tips/resources have you found to be helpful?
Edit: lol totally forgot to add the entire point of this post. I do this to the point where my under-sharing with people one-on-one is hurting some of my relationships (and tbh my oversharing on social media is probably hurting some relationships, as well, but I'm less concerned about that).
|
ADHD
|
I grew up in the 80s before ADD/ADHD was really a thing. My teachers told my mother I was hyperactive and that I needed to do a better job at focusing at school. I never enjoyed reading and it certainly had a negative effect on my grades at school. I literally did not read 1 book in which I was not forces to for school. Fast forward a few decades and I'm in my early 40s and decided to give audiobooks a try since I was spending so much time listening to podcasts due to all the free time I had since the pandemic started. I must have listened to at least 50-60 books since then and I'm completely shocked at just how much culture I have missed out on. I discovered a whole new world and outlook on life after reading a books on science (Hawkins, Sagan, etc), philosophy, religion, politics, history, biographies, and some science fiction in the mix for some entertainment / distraction from the world we live in.
I'm actually regretful I didn't give audiobooks a try years ago. I truly feel like I've reached a new level of awareness and understanding. The journey of discovery that I'm on has been the best thing to have ever happened to me. It helped me develop a new outlook on life and allowed me to recover from a long battle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
For those struggling with reading because it's boring or frustrating, try audiobooks while you are engaged in an activity of some sort. It's still pretty much impossible for me to sit and listen to an audiobook exclusively (like you would a book) so I bought a pair of Bluetooth earbuds and keep them in my ear or my pockets all day. I'll turn them on and listen to audiobooks while cooking, cleaning, working out, walking my dog, driving, riding my motorcycle, fishing, shower, hobbies, shopping, mowing, etc... The pleasure I get from learning and the feeling of anticipation I get has helped me overcome my procrastination and allows me to remain motivated for much much longer than what I thought ever possible for me.
Hope this helps.
|
ADHD
|
I have had them for 16-17 years, they stem from an idea that 'if I do x, then y won't happen' or 'if I do x, my loved ones won't die'
It's getting really, really out of hand and part of me just wants to do the things I have to do every day, work, enjoy myself, try and get out of my depression (again), and another part of my cannot stop obsessing over these rituals. There'll be a thing I want to do, but I have to do it a certain exhausting way, so I end up not doing a thing that would make me happy because it's too much work and stress
I have a good therapist to whom I've finally opened to about it, but however much she rationalises it, my obsessions are still there and they freak me out with stress. I'm currently trying to slowly (very slowly) drop some of my obsessions as a test, see if things will go wrong; does anyone else have experience with this?
|
OCD
|
I’m currently struggling with depression and anxiety. Last night I went out with a friend to keep myself busy but he ended up leaving me on my own. Obviously I panicked but got home ok. This morning, he sent me a voice message accusing me of faking mental health problems for attention. He then proceeded to call me all sorts of awful names and I’ve been left feeling even worse than I’ve already felt lately.
Has anyone else ever been accused of such a thing? My anxiety has been unbearable since this morning
|
depression
|
Idk I feel so done. I never feel happy I’ve tried so long to make things better.
I just feel so done with this life. I have absolutely no idea what will come after this life maybe it’ll be worse or like I think an empty dark void of nothingness. But I feel like I don’t care I just want this to be over. I’m to weak for this life. I can’t keep a job I can’t commit to anything. I’ll be alone forever and I accept that. Just don’t want to have to live in some false hope of everything getting better.
|
depression
|
So I got an appointment to be evaluated for ADHD next week. In July when the appointment was made I was sent a couple of forms to fill out. In theory I was supposed to submit them before July 12th. I haven’t even begun to fill them out.
I know I should. I know it’s for the best and an evaluation will only be good so that I know for sure whether I have it or not. I’ve received emails from the agency doing it and they are understanding.
But I still haven’t done it. Why am I like this…
|
ADHD
|
Hey everyone. Female and 31 here. Anyone take Intuniv as monotherapy and have experience to share? I'll be starting in a week or so. Will be my first ADHD medication alongside coaching and therapy. I have heard itll give a sedating effect for 5 days and then feel better and same thing every dose increase. I'm looking for it to improve emotional dysreg, sleep, and organisation in my mind. Any experiences are helpful ! Even if you pair it along side something else. I'm trying this first because I have intracranial hypertension (or past history of) and so I need to be mindful with stimulants. I am full time uni student going on health placement, so I can't really afford it to mess me up even more haha
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone had success with ssri's for their ROCD?
Do the feelings come back?
|
OCD
|
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder years ago, and after trying a few different medications, I settled on Xanax on an "as needed" basis, eventually going off of them during the pandemic. Discussed the possibility of exploring OCD as a new diagnosis briefly before my therapist retired due to Pandemic-related stresses.
Got a new therapist because new themes emerged recently and really knocked me for a loop (thanks brain!) and when talking about medications, I told my therapist that often I didn't even take the xanax, it just made me feel better knowing I had it and it would last me for a while. See, I would take all the pills out of the bottle and count them and put them back in so I knew how many days worth of medication I theoretically had. And sure, sometimes I forgot the number of pills, or got worried I forgot the number of pills, or got worried I had counted wrong, so I'd take them out and count them again and... well, just saying that out loud made me realize what I was doing and how often I was doing it. Didn't have the slightest idea it was compulsive until I was forced to say it out loud.
OCD is a sneaky little bastard.
|
OCD
|
Hello All, **(Please share your stories below if you want to)**
I am very new to this subreddit and just wanted to share my experiences and story if that would be alright. It'll be a long one so please bare with me. I was born pre-mature, was supposed to be born in mid November and was born in early August. I always thought that it was fascinating that I never had anything (physically) wrong with me, unlike some people who were born early, i.e., Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, although I was smaller than most by being a couple pounds at birth and in the nicu. I always lived my life as any normal kid would, I went to school, (very small mind you.. 13 kids in my graduating class in elementary school) played sports growing up, and went outside to play. Growing up I never struggled THAT much in elementary school, a couple bad grades here and there, but nothing major that was a cause for concern. I saw a speech pathologist during school hours a couple times a week for my slight stutter, you know, the "R's" and getting words out even though I knew what I wanted to say, but the words just would not come out, but not for anything else. In high school, I went to a good, accredited, private (all boys) school. I had friends, but at the same time I kept to myself, which is still the case today. Not because I did not WANT to socialize, but because it was hard and I was always overthinking about what people would think of me if I said something dumb in that maybe they would not be my friend anymore. The sciences ALWAYS, at least in high school, took me to struggle bus city, biology was alright, but when it came to chemistry and physics, man let me tell you, not fun. Chemistry was always interesting to me, balancing equations and the labs, but I just could not ever fully focus on it, especially history because, personally, it was just so damn boring and uninteresting . BUT, math is where I excelled. I failed Algebra 1 because my small grade school did not help get us prepared for it. So, due to this, I was put in "track 2", for the people who, I guess, needed extra help and had learning deficiencies. I was confused as to why *I* was being put in this type of classroom environment, sure I failed an early math class, but so what? I found that the slower pace and more student attention actually helped, but never took this approach as a 'tried' to further my education. I then got accepted into a good public college in my area; the first couple years went pretty decent, nothing spectacular, but decent to manageable. I always saw in the first day of classes, "if you have a disorder please contact \_\_\_ through the school to get assistance, never thought I needed it. After that is when it all went downhill for me. I struggled for a couple years after that, up until now as I am currently writing this post, having my graduation pushed back and back. Internally I was thinking that I cannot do this; I guess I just must be the dumbest person on the planet. I did not try to get any help or figure out why I was like this, up until recently because I just believed that is who I was and I had to accept it and push through. But I came to a random 'Eureka' moment in my life, thinking hmm.. maybe I have ADHD. Now, I am no doctor, but just reflecting on my life and the way I live... it really lines up. Some things I have noticed are: I am always late to things (significant or insignificant), ALWAYS lose things, my wallet (which I still haven't found), multiple AirPods, my keys, you name it, my room and car are a mess, I get easily distracted and lose interest in things that aren't interesting to me, bite my nails even when I am not nervous, forget things when I am just told, walk into room and forget why I went in there, among other things. I always thought I was unmotivated and lazy, sometimes yes, but I WANT to do well in life , but it's just hard. Overall, I am not saying I have it because officially I do not know, but I am 96% sure. Now is my time to go see a doctor, get into therapy, tell people in my life what I wrote here to strangers on the internet lol, and to finally get my life started how I want to and to learn how to live with and use my potential adhd to my advantage. If you made it this far, THANK YOU.
|
ADHD
|
Just when i thought i was pulling myself together my brain fell back into a dark place again. For a week now i havent been able to function.. All because my moms instagram account was hacked. Its been triggering me so much. Ive tried everything to get it back. I feel so annoyed. Her being so foolish has caused my mental health to spiral again, all because she clicked on a link. why the hell would she even do that?. Im so tired of thinking im getting myself together and then the rug is pulled from underneath me. i dont even know what to do anymore
|
OCD
|
I didn't know where else to post this. Right now it's not a serious issue but it's starting to wear me down. I; for financial reasons moved into a really bad neighborhood; my apartment still has the crowbar marks from when someone broke into the previous tenants place.
What's bugging me right now is all the noise. The walls are really thin; and I'd be fine if not thrilled if all I had to listen to was the neighbors watching tv, chatting, cooking; you know that kinda thing. What really bugs me is a gang of unsupervised kids that runs around. I haven't seen them cause any major trouble; although that could be because I usually avoid them for quarantine reasons. While I have little faith in children behaving; the main problem I have is just how loud they are; and they can literally go just six inches outside my door.
The other source of noise is people literally screaming; most of the time I think it's a couple having an argument but I swear a few times I think they're just yelling into the air. Probably the worst example I've heard was my neighbor having an exceptionally heated and loud argument with his partner at 3:am. While I'm a night owl and it didn't disrupt my sleep cycle; I am annoyed at disturbed that the argument was intense enough for me to have to listen to determine if violence was occuring; and if I should report it to the police. I don't know anyone involved so my policy is they can yell at wach other but I will call the cops if I hear it getting physical (not the fun kind of physical).
I'd also love it if someone could do something about the smell of weed; but pick your battles. I don't even care if they do it; I just hate the smell.
I'm sure some will tell me to move; the reasons why I can't/won't are that it's somehow better than my parents, I'm in a year lease, and I make peanuts. It's all I can afford.
So what do you guys think would be a reasonable response to some of my neighbors? Right now I'm not motivated enough to file a noise complaint or anything like that but if they keep wearing me down...
|
aspergers
|
Has anybody taken more than 2 SSRI's for OC that worked but eventually stopped, try a third that worked also.
I was on Prozac that worked then stopped and then Luvox that worked and stopped and now on Zoloft to see if it will work.
|
OCD
|
Hi everyone,
I have tried **Paxil** (Paroxetine, 20 mg), **Zoloft** (up to 200 mg) and more recently **Citalopram** (Celexa, 30 mg)+ **Mirtazapine** (15mg). All for more than 2/3 months each. And nothing has worked for my **severe anxiety** (which is **extremely physical, my stomach/bowel goes crazy as soon as I am anxious**).
Just wanted to ask if anyone had any success with some other medication. **Clomipramine? Amytritipline? Maybe an SNRI? (Effexor or Cymbalta).**
​
​
On a side note 1: the mirtazapine seems to have helped with my Irritable Bowel syndrome and digestion overall, which is very welcomed as I was dealing with pain (plus anxiety) for quite some time, which also led to a big weight loss.
I am seeing a therapist, been 9 months already. My anxiety is still a mystery to me, the reasons for my triggers are still strange and I get these intense physical reactions to my anxiety, not much "thinking" behind it).
|
OCD
|
Living with depression and anxiety will always suck. I will never be able to have a normal life and I'll always be miserable
|
depression
|
Any advice? I haven't taken any meds since I was 12 and I'm nervous about it. I know that it's a dopamine inhibitor. I believe I'll valley in mood in about two weeks and from there I should start making my own dopamine when I settle on a task for longer than a second. Atleast that's how I think it works. Anyone have any experiences with this? Anybody on desvenlafaxine or any other dopamine inhibitor?
|
ADHD
|
All my life I've known about my autism, in the past month I've learned I have Dyslexia and Dyscalculia (basically Dyslexia with math) and being a CS major... that's gunna hurt me but I got this... anyways...
I'm not going to go too in-depth because privacy... my life financially has been okay most my life that's kinda going away as my parents are growing older and arent even trying to find jobs right now.
The emotional state of every single person in my family is trash though... my bio mom is a drunk who married my step father who is an abusive alcoholic addict. My dad is the most sane person but he married my step mom who raised me the most out of everyone and she has had chronic depression and PTSD from her first husband being abusive mentally and physically. From about 14 years old to 18-19 yrs old I had serious depression... I thought of killing myself 1-3 times a week, it was through my belief in God why I'm still alive right now... this morning I was sitting on the toilet half asleep and my step mom as a joke banged a little on the bathroom door and tried opening it while moving the handle vigorously, in that moment I freaked out and got super anxious and scared.... that's what she used to do all the time when she was super pissed and about to take all her anger out on me... I was washing my hands when she did that so I dried my hands and rushed to the door to try and catch her running away to play it off as a joke... me being half asleep and super mad and scared basically in tears then (and now as I'm writing this) I walk out of the bathroom and do the same to her room (my parents room) cause I heard her laughing from behind the door. But her door actually opens and she is laughing and my dad says "what the heck, whyd you just walk into our room) point being that I was right back mentally where I was in that moment that I was back when I lived here and was super depressed (nobody ever found out I was depressed all my life)
I'm wondering maybe I have slight PTSD from growing up how I did...
As soon as I thought of it I remembered all the times in my head I'm back in those days then I act on it and seeing as though my flight or fight reaction is always a fight reaction. When it comes to this sorts thing I always act defensively
And when I act defensively, to something seemingly small to them, they then react mad and upset and then it escalates from there to the point of me just exhausted and done.. it's been three days since I came home for spring break and it's already happened.
My mom ended up yelling at me to go back to flag where I go to college and I was yelling back and saying okay that's cool because I can't stand being here with her. Then she went on a bike ride and as I was packing up my dad took my shoes so I cant go back... I've calmed down and stopped packing and am not heading back for a while...
Tl;dr I'm trying to see if I have PTSD.
|
ptsd
|
So I’ve been scared of. My anxiety pushing me to suicide for at least 2 months now, now when ever I think about the thought I get calm is this bad? I’m really scared of it happening please help. In desperate need for advice
|
OCD
|
I feel like I'm a huge faker. Like I *can't* have PTSD, because I don't get a ton of flashbacks and what happened doesn't seem like it should be a big deal. Sometimes I have to talk through it to actually recognize I'm not crazy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to see my therapist for weeks due to quarintine. Please feel free to ignore this, I just need to... Idk, vent? A bit.
I think my first hospitalization for attempted suicide was in fifth grade. I got diagnosed with deppression and anxiety around that time as well.
I was hospitalized at least once every single year after that until my Sophmore year of Highschool. I actually started to do much better. I actually let myself open up to people a bit, and had an actual friend group for the first time in years. I felt like I had steeped out of the darkness and might finally be getting past what I went through. There were still tough days but overall I felt *normal*.
And then, in December of my Junior year, everything came crashing down. I had never been on a date before, and agreed to go on one with one of my closest friends. Everything changed. Suddenly, we were a couple. It was sort of surreal. I thought I was agreeing to a casual coffee date or something. Nothing serious. That was my understanding of how things worked. Apparently, we were now an item.
At first, it was just small things. How I couldn't seem to get any free time at school away from them. How at the end of Study Hall (we had a shared period there at the end of the day) they would, without fail, take my bag and run up to where their (and most of my friends') locker was. My locker was on the opposite side of the school. I hated that they would take my things. And I told them, constantly, to stop. They insisted they just wanted to be a "good SO."
Their parents were also complete shit, to the point where they were taking turns staying at our various friends house (including mine). I ended up spending more and more time with them, trying to be supportive. Everything that I was bothered by had to be my fault. When they started showing up outside of every class to walk me to the next one (I still don't know how they managed that), something was clearly wrong with me that I just wanted some time away from them. When they fought with our other friends and wouldn't let me hang out with anyone else, I must be horrible for wanting to talk with other people. When they told me (and everyone else) that their parents called me fate and ugly, they stood up for me by saying they weren't so shallow as to only be attracted to looks... Well, it was my problem that I felt deeply hurt and I should be grateful.
When they took my phone and make me do things I was not comfortable with or ready for to get it back... It shouldn't have been a big deal.
The thing is, this was all so much like what I had already spent years trying to get over. I had gotten into a very toxic friendship when I was seven that eventually led to my first suicide attempt. In middle school, I made a new friend... Who turned out to be so much worse.
But I had grown since then! I learned how to stand up for myself. How to tell people I was uncomfortable with something. I *knew* what you were suppossed to do.
And in this newest situation, none of it worked... I had convinced myself I was free but it was bullshit. I couldn't protect myself. There was no hope, no escape.
In January, I stopped going to school. I valued my academic success over just about everything -- failing was my greatest fear. But it didn't matter anymore. I ended up in the hospital again, and didn't leave for almost two months. That was when I got diagnosed with PTSD.
I never returned to highschool. I couldn't. I was terrified to even go outside, scared I would somehow run into them. It was the lowest point of my life. I had panic attacks all the time, and I refused to even text any of my old friends for fear they would somehow find out. That summer, I ended up finish my junior year through online courses -- which sucked and I hated. For my senior year, I entered community college in a duel enrollment program. I actually did go to both prom and graduation, though that was only because they had graduated a year before.
It's been over two years since I last saw them. I haven't been rehospitilized, though I have had my low points. Most days, I think I've moved on. But then for no real reason, with or without an obvious trigger, I'm just *back*. I can still sense what's going on around me but I'm emotionally trapped in those moments.
Quarintine has been difficult. It doesn't remind me of them so much as what came after. The worst I've been. The online classes, not leaving the house, being socially isolated... It feels like I never left. Everyday I feel like I'm slipping more and more back into the mindset. I've started having panics again, for the first time since I started college, though thankfully they haven't been too bad.
I don't know what to do. I feel trapped and hopeless and weak, and all the time hating myself for being so affected. I don't have an excuse to be so weak. I hate this, I hate it all, and I don't think I can do this for much longer.
|
ptsd
|
Mini-update: I asked my mom what the doctor talked to her about and apparently he only asked if I was bouncing off the walls as a kid. She said no and that was it. I don't fully trust her, as that sentence was quickly followed by, 'I think you are just trying to be sick so you get sympathy'. But I wouldn't put it past the doctor with how quickly he dismissed me after that.
To say that my parents aren't supportive of me getting help for my mental health would be an understatement.
The first time I got tested for ADHD, my parents filled out both the parents' and teacher's tests and when the result came back negative, they rubbed it in my face and said that I'm just lazy.
After that, I was diagnosed with depression and my parents were informed that I had suicidal thoughts and they still didn't want me to get therapy and told me that I had wasted their money on the testing and was just doing it for attention.
A few days ago I got tested for ADHD and since I'm an adult now, I had the option of not getting my parents involved in the testing. I got my diagnosis that I do have ADHD and was referred to a psychiatrist.
After I talked to him, he asked if he could speak to my mom and I dont know why, but I said yes. Then my mom told him that I haven't had any of the ADHD symptoms as a child and that I'm just introverted.
When I got to talk to him afterwards, he told me that he doesn't believe I have ADHD and if I do, it's not really a big deal that's affecting my life according to my mom. I tried telling him about the previous test but he said that my mom didn't report noticing any symptoms in me as a kid.
I know why they talk to parents and guardians, but I know for a fact that I have had symptoms all my life. I know it's a big deal because it has led me to be anxious all the time because I know I can't trust my brain with the simplest of things.
He said he wants to start me on anti-depressants and that I don't need treatment for ADHD.
I dont know if I'm making this out to be a bigger deal than it is, but I'm worried that keeping my ADHD untreated will result in something horrible.
|
ADHD
|
Just the title. I have become increasingly aware of the fact that although I do have a social life (not a big one) I have learned to mask so much of myself and denied the fact that I was masking anything. I have learned to read peoples body language, inflection, and tone, to a decent degree and most of the time. I am realizing more and more that it is learned and takes me lots of effort to present myself, make eye contact, smile, don't interrupt, see that the person i am talking to pull back their hand and wonder if that is them wanting me to shut up.
Im not sure why I put this here. I am just frustrated.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
|
ADHD
|
I Had a job making good money in construction, but I'm currently building a portfolio for game dev, because I love programming/coding and doing game dev and. I have no formal CS education so I need to build up a nice portfolio of projects. And seeing as I was working 12 hour days doing physically demanding labor in the hot sun let's just say I didn't work on my portfolio at all when I got home. So I got a new job that I thought would be easier with a massive pay cut, warehouse work. Figured all I'll do is ride a forklift around for 8 hours. I was very wrong, forklift riding is very little of the job(actually it's pretty great part of the job I'd totally just ride a forklift if that were a job) . But no I have piles of shipping and receiving to juggle as the sole warehouse worker. I have all kinds of tiny font 100 character product codes and serial numbers to line up. And there isn't a single hour where I don't make a mistake...and in a warehouse those little mistakes are bad . Apparently it's the end of the world when you look into the nuts and bolts bin and there's 13 there instead of the 14 the system said there would be. Either way I hate it I get no pleasure I don't solv any problems theres no reward there's just mistakes which make me feel like I'm stupid and inadequate... No matter how hard I try or how hard I focus I always make these mistakes. I hate my job so much I have no idea what to do I'm trying to work on my portfolio but every job is just making me depressed I feel like in lazy or just pathetic
|
ADHD
|
It's become so incredibly bothersome for me to do but I can't stop. For example when I open a bottle of water I'll examine the cap and hold it against a light and everything to make sure it is sealed so it wasn't tampered with, the worst is when I'm not sure but I drink a little and think my insides are contaminated. And it's like this with every food item. I get suspicious of things I know I've opened correctly in the fridge for god knows what reason. I just want to consume damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
OCD
|
I have ‘high-functioning’ aspergers (undiagnosed, but rather certain) and I am rather introverted. Since I was a kid, I have had social anxiety and not understood social norms. I was commonly bullied and outcast from most social groups that I was ever a part of. As a kid I was always wanted to stick to a strict schedule planned days in advance, and did well in school when it came to math and science but not other subjects. I also tend to get sensory overload in crowds as well and have had mini-meltdowns when in large crowds for too long. I also HATE eye contact.
In college I was able to overcome a lot of these issues by forcing myself to mask my autistic tendencies and learn how to interact with neurotypicals in a positive way and to build many ‘normal’ relationships. Partly due to the social lubrication of alcohol at parties.
But now in my late-20s, these growing problems have started to cause friction in my work environment. My awkwardness and either overly quiet and awkward, or over-sharing with too loud of a speaking volume, has made most of my coworkers not like me, and even worse, has lead to a number of female coworkers believing that I am creepy and should be avoided.
It started as a few awkward interactions but as the department has gossiped amongst themselves, they have concluded that I am labeled as a threat. To be clear, I have never done or said anything inappropriate for the workplace (i.e. no touching or creepy comments), though the bar for ‘inappropriate’ seems to be constantly lowering to even include anything sufficiently awkward including poor eye contact.
We then all went to remote working last year and I have no wish to go back to the office. It hurts me deeply that I make anyone uncomfortable, and the knowledge that I do only makes my anxiety and the problem worse with every interaction. I have seriously considered quitting, or even suicide at times (don’t worry, I won’t). I just don’t know how to be normal enough anymore…
Does anyone have thoughts for how to address this? How do I move forward in this environment?
|
aspergers
|
So I'm almost 34 and I have ADHD. Prior to the (recent) ADHD diagnosis I was misdiagnosed BD-NOS and treat for it for many years.
Anyway, some of the worst aspects of my mental condition are the "tics" which I identify more as compulsions. I could write an essay long post if I tried to describe them all, but I'll just mention some of the classics. But before that, I should mention that anything I do/touch has to be mostly in multiples of 2, 4, 8, etc, for each side of the body. Example, if I touch something with my right index finger I will touch it at least (depending whether I fail or I touch it diferently) 1 more time with that finger and 2 with the left.
So... my classics...
Touching the pillow with my ears when I'm in bed, in paterns, everytime one ear touches it. My patern is always 1,2,2,1, meaning if I touch with the left ear accidentaly, it proceeds right, right and finally left again.
Same number of steps with the right and the left foot. This presents complications when the stairs are an odd number, or when it's a small path, like short stone patches on grass or a short pathway. I will often calculate and enlarge or decrease the size of my steps in order to achieve it. If I can't, I will either repeat the final steps or jump on one foot until I have the sequence alright.
Accidentally bumping into something or someone with one arm or leg, for example, and having to do it at least 3 more times. Don't even need to elaborate on that one.
Writting, on the keyboard, characters I don't need and then erasing them, just because I needed to press that key. And sometimes having to erase letters that I do need and writting them again just so I could have both the sentence and the sequence.
I won't keep going, because I suspect many of you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Anyway, I have talked to several doctors about this and intrusive/obsessive thoughts that bother me a lot and the position seems to always be, if it's not followed by the thought that if you don't do it, something bad will happen, it's nothing... And I don't think that something will happen, other than I'll feel bad. I just feel an overwhelming compultion to do it. I've been like that since I remember and I even remember asking a colleague in first grade if he also did it (so I was at least 6 when it started, but I know I've always had it). I remember the exact place we were and who he is. It was the first time I realised not everyone was like me.
Because of that and because I'm generally a very disorganized fellow, I never really considered I could have some sort of OCD. But my compulsory touching and patterns are, if not getting worse, not getting any better with the ADHD medication. Both me and my partner realised that it has been bad lately so I took to the internet to research it and I realised the magical thinking thing isn't always present.
What about you? Do you have this sort of compulsions without any magical thinking associated?
TL;DR: I've always suffered greatly with compulsive behaviours/touching and I thought it couldn't be OCD because all people with OCD were always organised and thought bad stuff would happen if they don't do it. (I was mislead by doctors to believe that.)
|
OCD
|
Hi, I struggle with many forms of OCD ranging in topics, one that I find very hard to deal with often is religious/homophobic/racism/hateful ocd (I’m not sure what to call it) See now I’m not the MOST religious person, atleast I wasn’t too spiritual up until my ocd/intrusive thoughts first started back in July, and as a way to cope and reassure myself, ultimately a compulsion.. I started to pray a lot. Now I don’t necessarily tie myself to a specific religion, I don’t go to church or have any strong religious beliefs aside from there is good and there is evil. Now, I am making this post simply because, I fear being that my newfound faith in god or the higher power, will make me become someone who I’m not, I’m a very accepting person, I love and accept everybody. However, even though I don’t tie myself to a religion, the closest one to my beliefs if anything is Christianity, and for some reason my OCD loves to attack this idea and somehow make me think being spiritual is bad because I’m gonna become this hateful, judgmental and prejudice homophobic and racist Christian, or your typical america loving Christian conservative, essentially becoming someone who I’m not. And I have nothing against Christianity obviously, it’s just I’m not the fondest of radical Christians and some of their beliefs. Anyways, I’m a pretty left leaning person, I always have been. I’m very loving of everyone, some of my favorite people in the world are homosexual or of are other races, and I guess I fear becoming this hateful person who I know I’m not. Often I’ll find myself getting intrusive thoughts about these things and it’s hard to deal with because I know exactly who I am, it just sucks because why can’t I just be able to believe in a god and that’s it?? Why can’t I have my spiritual beliefs in peace? I know I’m not this stereotypical Christian that is against gay people or racist towards other people, that has never been me. It just sucks thinking that because I believe in god and have these spiritual beliefs, im gonna become this person.
|
OCD
|
I hear voices mocking me. And they formulate some really realistic sentences. Maybe they have better speech than me. I literally have a bully in my head. I can run to the most isolated places and get bullied. Wonderful right? Is this an OCD thing?
I thought it belonged here because
- I had a history of OCD
- These voices are really intrusive. They bump in when I don't want them too. Intrusive thoughts. Put 2 and 2 together.
|
OCD
|
I get triggered by negligence. When someone neglects to do something, especially when they neglect to take care of someone they should be responsible for. Or when someone is intentionally cruel to others, especially when they should be taking care of them. For context I lost everything I owned, and almost my life in a house fire that was caused either by the landlord’s negligence or intentionally
|
ptsd
|
I'm currently in residential school and I got a roommate last week. I have PTSD and depressions and I was really scared of the "surprise" of having a new roommate and constantly thought about how she would talk behind my back. I tried to talk me into thinking otherwise because I know that I'm very paranoid when it comes to me meeting new people, but on the third day of her being my roommate I heard how she talked about me with another girl. I told her (my roommate) that I have arthritis and it's difficult for me to sleep on the top bed because I can't get down proberly especially in the morning. She told the other girl, that she now has to sleep on the top bed and they made fun of me and said I was lying about it. She also said that I snore (I didn't knew that and never heard of anybody that I did) and they talked about suffocating me when I sleep so I would stop. Today I went by her and her friends and they (maybe this is a bit overreact by me) made this melody from I think family guy where stewie is following this fat guy with a tuba as I walked by. This events really triggered my ptsd and I'm really depressed right now I can't concentrate on school and I'm constantly stressed because of it. Is this bullying or am I overreacting? I don't know if I should try to talk to a teacher or to my roommate I don't want to confront her about it because out of fear of her telling her friends and making fun of me again. Sorry for the long text and my weird writing order and typos.
|
ptsd
|
Has anybody else experienced this?
I'm diagnosed with autism class 1. High-functioning to the point that people don't notice as long as I have the energy to pretend.
I struggled with social anxiety as a kid/teenager; social mishaps were quite frequent in those days. Still, I wanted a social life, and wanted to spend time with others and to make new friends. I worked on myself for years, and my social skills are now to a point where I don't really struggle anymore.
However, my desire to interact with other people has plummeted in tandem with my developing social skills. I just don't have the energy for it anymore, and I can't understand why. Every social interaction feels like a chore. I spend time rarely with friends, and spend a lot of time with my wife. Other than that my social battery is flat.
I'm posting this to see if there are other people on the spectrum that have noticed the same pattern. The older I get, the less sociable I become. I feel like avoiding people as much as possible. It's not even anxiety-related: it's just exhausting to be social, and I feel I get nothing in return.
|
aspergers
|
Hi! Fellow ADHD patient here. I am trying to adress my recent feelings of inadequacy. Ok, even though I know you all have ADHD, I do not know if all of you can relate to it.
So to give you some context:
Last week I believe, I had come across a pretty simple logic problem. I love solving logic problems
because they challenge my brainpower. But after doing the problem and getting the wrong answer,I realised that I got that answer due to what i think, was the stupidest mistake i could ever do while solving any problem.
I was disheartened. This reminded me of the problems I had in the past.
Growing up in school, I was constantly ridiculed for lacking " common sense" by my friends and teachers. Due to that, other's remarks eventually became my own, and constantly berated myself for stupid mistakes. This lead me down to a deep negative spiral that was difficult to get out off. (and today, I still could not.)
I told myself that I am not logical at all , I lacked common sense ,I am retarded etc.. I was aware of why the spiral started but found myself falling into this same spiral, over and over again.and not being able to do anything about it.
Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with a very judgemental and uncooperative society,
and how to deal with self esteem issues and depression?
|
ADHD
|
I've had a hard time over the past six years with doctors who say they can't diagnose OCD but also not explaining who I can go to, to get it diagnosed. Can anyone help with this? Would love to finally get a diagnosis.
|
OCD
|
I'm not opposed to taking medication and I'm sure I can (hopefully) find ways to deal with the other side effects but those two side effects are the ones that kind of stop me from considering medication because I find it super difficult to orgasm and sometimes even feel pleasure anyway (I've not experienced it yet) so I don't want to make that just as tough. Is there any you've found that don't have this effect?
|
OCD
|
I just started taking concerta a couple days ago after not having used it for a couple years. School has basically been the worst thing in my life ever since the summer holidays ended so i thought i would try my medication again so i could actually get something done.
I can feel an increase in focus and effectivity but no nearly what i noticed a few years back even though I'm on nearly the same dosages (28mg once a day compared to 36). I shouldn't really have much of a tolerance which is why I'm starting a bit lower.
But one side effect i definitely don't remember being as bad is that I don't really get hungry the same way i usually get. Normally i eat between 3k and 3.5k kc a day (I train a lot of swimming so this is just around mantainance for me). However today I barely ate anything. I had quite a large breakfast at 9 am and didn't really eat anything else than some crisps and ice cream before 9 pm. Worst part was I didn't really feel like eating anything at my evening meal so i barely ate anything there either.
I really need the productivity boost because I'm on my last year of school and I'm struggling to fulfill my most basic assignments. However I don't see my eating being remotely sustainable unless I get a proper eating routine. Something I think is going to be quite challenging so far.
Does anyone have any experience with such a drastic decrease in hunger while using a stimulant. I usually love eating so this is quite a bumber for me. Especially since I want to stay healthy for swimming.
|
ADHD
|
[More of a rant] [Impostor Syndrome?] [Misdiagnosis?]
I just got the reports my psychiatry had of me when i was about 10.
I‘ve been tested for ADHD when i was about 10, while my ability to concentrate was „standing out“ (negatively) i haven‘t acted too impulsive or hyper-active and i‘ve thus been deemed on the „borderline“ of ADHD but not diagnosed.
I‘ve always tended to skip school, look out the window insead of putting in work.
Since teachers always told me i‘m just lazy and yell at me i tended to cope with videogames a lot and felt alienated outside of personal safespaces.
Very soon i was diagnosed with a „medium“ level depression, the file says i‘ve felt „tired of life“ and „unmotivated“.
I often had problems sleeping, often sleeping in my parents bed to feel comfortable. The file says it was because i was „scared“ and that they diagnosed me with a „high“ level of anxiety.
I‘ve been prescribed antidepressiva, wich made me as far as i remember, even more alienated from my surroundings and distance myself from friends and reallife.
(They haven‘t noted anything on the time of me taking it)
But my parents say it reduced problems in school partially.
Now i‘m 19, still skipping school because it feels like pressure for nothing. I still have problems sleeping but all i‘m anxious about is not being able to finish school. The reason i‘m up at night is because of constant thoughts racing, imaginary future/past conversations and scenarios, music playing in my head, inner monologue and the constant fear of another restless night and unproductivity.
I still feel over encumbered for days even if i only have one thing to do in a week, i‘ve still been depressed for a longer time because i haven‘t been able to invest energy my passions like reading or drawing.
Have they misdiagnosed me w depression?
Have i been medicated falsely?
I know i‘m showing signs of ADD, but this report made me question my self-diagnosis.
If they tested me and i‘m not in the spectrum... i don‘t know, maybe I’m overthinking, maybe it‘s impostor syndrome.
I feel powerless, i wont find anyone that can diagnose me in the upcoming months.
Maybe it‘s all worthless, maybe i really am just lazy, i have no idea.
(All quotes have been translated idk if all the terms are correct)
Thoughts?
|
ADHD
|
title. for me, it may be because i live in a teeny apartment with younger siblings and parents, and i can never really show anger or sadness in front of them. this causes me to just distract myself with something, or just try to forget about what made me angry. Now, that just happens automatically, I just get numb and my brain just gets completely empty. Anyone else?
|
depression
|
I had a brilliant piece of 'helpful advice' from my wife yesterday:
'You are always late on deadlines and rushed at the end, so when you are estimating how long something will take, just add 30% and then you'll always be on time!'
That's not how it works. That's just not how any of this works.
I've known this woman for twenty years, and I still can't explain it to her, or make her understand. It's not that I could just add 30% to the estimate of how long a task takes. The task could be done in half that time - I'm really good at pulling things out of a jam at the last minute - but getting to a position where I can actually focus on the task is the hard part.
She thinks it's like driving a slow car. It's not. It's like driving a dragster that goes really fast, but only in short bursts and can easily be thrown off track by a bump in the road.
|
ADHD
|
Hey i have intrusive thoughts about hurting someone or even loved ones, im struggling with it, how did yours go away or how do you deal with it?
|
OCD
|
I just keep playing out different scenarios where things could have worked better. I know I should have walked away when Jane told me to, but your pull is gravitational. It will be two years I haven’t seen your face soon and I still miss it. Honestly this will be what ends up killing me. After all the things I’ve been through and seem, I’m literally going to end up taking my own life. My world was nothing but empty, cold, and dark. I witnessed death at a very young age, I seen the horrors and atrocities. I was told my skin colour was a handicap and I just needed to deal with it. I did things, things I needed to for survival. Now I don’t see the point in any of it anymore. I sometimes wish I had died at any of the times where there was a 50/50 chance I could have. If this is my dying fever dream then god is cruel. If this is reality then god is dead. Come back please, make it all make sense again Anne.
|
depression
|
I (29 F) recently received results from testing that ruled out that I have ADHD. I am still wondering if it is at all possible that I actually do. My parents, siblings, and partner were all surprised with the result, and so was I.
The reasons stated for why the assessor believes I do not have it:
* Barkely report (Describing my characteristics in childhood) that I submitted vs. my family member's = "not clinically significant" (my self-reporting was more severe than the family member's)
* Cognitive testing - cognitive testing did not reveal any impairment in working memory, attention, or processing speed; scores fell in the high average to superior range
* Assessor attributes my current issues/struggles with anxiety. I do have generalized anxiety, but I do not think it is \*causing\* all of my issues, I believe it could be anxiety caused by my dysfunction as a result of ADHD
Reasons why I think I have ADHD:
* Childhood history of constantly spacing out and daydreaming, losing things, forgetting things, struggling to be on time, struggling to complete homework/projects, procrastinating. BUT I was labeled gifted as a child and I always did really well in school. Pediatrician told my parents I probably had ADHD but to "not put me on meds" because I was doing well in school, so never got a diagnosis in childhood.
* In adulthood difficulty with being on time, getting bored/distracted easily, getting started, follow through, procrastinating, horrific time management
* I take Bupropion to manage anxiety/depression, and it helps keep me stable, but I still have symptoms of anxiety (I try various techniques throughout the day to manage, e.g. mindfulness, breathing, yoga, positive self-talk / CBT, etc.)
Just wondering if anyone had a similar experience where a professional ruled out ADHD, but you actually did have it? I am just feeling like....how is this all just anxiety? It doesn't feel possible. Like, if it isn't ADHD, what is it? Is it possible to get a second opinion without going through the long testing process again?
|
ADHD
|
The only way I can describe it is like a cluttered room. My mind feels like a hoarders room, and it’s hard for me to navigate it. I have so many thoughts and it’s hard to access them sometimes, they feel so messy and foggy. It feels like my mind is full of scribbles. I don’t know if that made any sense
|
ptsd
|
Hello guys! I need some advice regarding the exposure and response prevention work . Let's say i'm with my girlfriend and I have an anxiety spike and I start feeling anxiety/discomfort around her. What should i focus on next? I read that you should not perfom mental or physical compulsions , nor should you distract yourself . It's recommended that you should focus on feeling the anxiety. If I focus on the anxiety / monitor it isin't that called CHECKING YOUR FEELINGS and is also a compulsion ? I read that most people with ocd check to see how they feel and monitor their emotional response around certain situations it's a also a compulsion . What should you focus on mentally when being exposed and feeling anxiety/discomfort ?
Many thanks
|
OCD
|
I’m an introvert who used to like being alone as a kid, but as an adult with more chores I find whenever I have a day to myself it’s absolutely guaranteed I will get literally nothing done, often including eating.
ADHD seems to kick into overdrive and it takes an absolute fucking century to perform every task if there’s no one else around, it’s like having no other schedules intersecting with mine causes my limited time perception to dissolve entirely.
I still need alone time, to recharge, but I’ve come to dread it.
|
ADHD
|
Hello! Im a 19 year old full time college student at a pretty difficult university. I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and was prescribed adderall for school. Adderall has benefited me in SO many ways. I’ve been turning in assignments early and i have stopped falling behind, im able to do daily tasks without it feeling impossibly difficult. With that being said, i expected the adderall to help me focus enough on exams to be able to pass them. I have a hard time with test anxiety due to the stressful environment and worrying about my ADHD acting up mid-exam.
So, i have failed 3 of the 4 big exams of my psychology class, which i must mention is my minor/largest area of interest. I got a 50 on the first and a 64 on the second, so i changed the way i studied and felt very prepared for the third one last week. We got the tests back today and i got a FORTY PERCENT. I am devastated and honestly kind of humiliated. I do amazing on the homework assignments and i understand the concepts, but im still flunking the tests which are the biggest chunk of our grade. My professor told me if i don’t do well on the last exam, i’ll fail his class.
With what i found on the interwebs through a professional, there are a lot of ADHD factors that cause poor performance on exams specifically. The largest part of her article that resonated with me was the following: “‘Working memory challenges impacting
the reading of passages of text in an
exam.’
This can make it difficult to recall information
contained in complex, densely factual text
well enough to answer questions on the text;
such working memory problems require the
student to read and re-read information,
slowing down the test-taking process.”
I have horrible memory problems from ADHD and long term (prescribed) cannabis use. I’ve completely cut out smoking, but is there something I can do to help my memory in the ADHD aspect?
I swear i will read something 5 times and still have no idea what it’s saying, even if i’ve seen it before in the book or in class lectures.
Basically, any tips to help a gal with CRIPPLING ADHD would be greatly appreciated!
|
ADHD
|
Hi everyone, I've been taking ritalin for a month now and after gradually increasing my dosage weekly with the doc's guidance I found my sweet spot at 40mg. For the past couple weeks, especially as I went for 20 to 30mg per day, I started noticing this crazy range or emotions going through me on full blast. Not just the euphoria/can-do attitude but greatly exacerbating whatever emotions I had in me, like dialing everything to 10 like a sudden kick in the nuts.
It was weird and new but Ok I guess since it has been all positive, I didn't make a big deal of it - UNTIL TODAY.
There's been a lot of stress at work (too much to do) and some pressure on the personal life (grown-up chores, tasks, bills) and this morning I woke up feeling extremely overwhelmed and unbalanced, almost helpless and wanting to cry/not knowing what to do, just want to crawl into a corner and stay there for a while in silence. **I'm new to medication and would love to hear your thoughts on this.**
For context I'm a 40yo male who is usually very outgoing and doesn't get depressed/sad/overwhelmed so easily - so this is kind of new and scary!
|
ADHD
|
One of the worst aspects of obsessing over horrible scenarios is I’ve already half lived through the worst life. I’ve already accepted my death, the death of loved ones, my divorce, my children’s health issues. I’ve already accepted a life in prison where I’ll be abused.
I’ve accepted all of these scenarios that are completely baseless.
What if I accept that everything with continue to be completely fine as it has been?
|
OCD
|
It doesn't matter how hard I work, all I can do is delay and push back the next incident, but there will always be another one. There's no light at the end of this tunnel. None of my progress matters. I'm just delaying the inevitable.
Something is wrong and it's just going to continue being wrong.
I read this poem in one if my undergrad courses, and I don't remember what the name was or who wrote it, but it had a line that's always stuck with me: "The cancer ate her like horse piss eats deep snow." Because A, that's an incredible, if frightening, description. And B, because that's how I feel so much of the time. I'll just be trucking along and shit just erodes. So fast. Before I even notice what's happening. I hate it. I hate everything.
I'm just so tired.
|
ptsd
|
I have been struggling my whole life wondering why I always seem like I’m behind everyone else in all aspects of life (crippling anxiety, bad in social situations, never really had friends until high school, never did well in school). I found this subreddit one day around a year ago and something just clicked.
I have been going to therapy for 3-4 months now and I have been talking to my therapist about me having ADHD inattentive type. I have been discussing this for more than 6 months with one of my parents and my sibling but I had been dreading talking to my other parent about my suspicions.
I got some ADHD questionnaires from my therapist (one for each parent, two for teachers, one for myself) at this point I hadn’t talked to one of my parents about ADHD at all and I was terrified. It’s weird because this parent is pretty open about mental health but I expected an argument to happen if I brought up ADHD. The night after one of my therapy sessions I realized there is no “good time” so I just said “I don’t really know how to preface this but I think I have ADHD.” They really didn’t like that. We got into a 1 1/2 hour argument where I was just trying to say that I don’t NEED this to be my diagnosis and I just want to look into it. They were just bringing up things that are triggering subjects for me so I broke down.
I’ve had one or two conversations about ADHD since. The last one I had with them they were just saying things like “well if you just focused and spent less time on your phone you’d feel better.” They also said that I shouldn’t take medication (implying that it’s only for people who have it really bad). They said stuff like “I know you better than you know yourself” (I spend half the time at their house, half the time at my other parents house. They’ve been apart since I was little so really myself and my sibling know ourselves and each other better than our parents know us. My parents also said stuff referencing ADHD stereotypes as if they’re fact.
This became more of a rant than I intended but can I get some advise for parents who are having a hard time accepting their child’s ADHD?
|
ADHD
|
Hello everyone! So ima keep this short, I have constant anxiety of “doing to much” but when I slow down I start freaking out about not doing enough! I am in a new stage of my life and I’m finding it difficult to understand So i was wondering if anybody else feels this was and if you had any tips to help you in those moments?
|
ADHD
|
I see that a lot of people get criticized by people telling them to replace medication with meditation. It's a really bad suggestion.
I've utilized both to great effect. Meditation is a different ball game entirely, and I'd say it takes a lot of practice to really work for someone with ADHD, and it's probably best used in combination with medication, though I find that it doesn't necessarily work as well on medication, oddly.
**I actually find that Adderall oddly hinders my ability to meditate in that it shuts down my default-mode-network (the creative mind that solves problems in your sleep, the source of your racing ADHD thoughts).** Adderall turns off my peripheral sense, whereas meditation allows me to integrate what's in front of me and what is around me somewhat harmoniously.
Meditation brings order to chaos. Meditation orchestrates the chaos into something more synergistic, while Adderall will give you tunnel vision.
Meditation (combined with good sleep and exercise) and Adderall are the only two things that have actually *allowed* me to experience paying attention. Adderall is the *only* thing that has actually given me the ability to *concentrate.*
*Meditation - when I can do it successfully - allows me to pay attention without the need to concentrate, if that makes sense.* It's very weird. Adderall actually allows me to go "yes, I am focusing on this now, and I am going to do that" and it's about as simple as that.
If I had to choose between Adderall and a drug that could consistently mimic the effects of meditation on a good day, I'd go with the latter.
**So, how do you meditate with ADHD? Well, you might not be able to in the same way that I do - not all ADHD is the same. However:**
I actually make the aim of meditation to eventually *observe all conscious experience simultaneously.* I'll say this: my good days meditating were every bit as good as Adderall, but meditation wasn't always accessible. Incorporate your racing thoughts, but try to breathe slowly. Incorporate the distractions rather than trying to tune them out, let them be part of this whole flow of experience. Recognize that your awareness isn't in your head, but that your head is inside of awareness, and cover that awareness with your attention.
It's best to combine it with exercise, sleep and healthy eating. So, you definitely should have meds if you need them, because it takes a lot of routine to get meditation going properly, and likewise you shouldn't try to depend on that as a neurotypical might.
|
ADHD
|
Recently my mental health has gone down. I don't sleep very well and my whole life has been going down hill with thoughts like ''Dying would be easier'' , ''I'm Useless'' And ''No one cares.''
My brother is basically a bully. I can't take it, the pressure of my family and schoolwork is really starting to catch up to me. I try not to eat a lot because I think I'm too fat and I've had more and more suicidal thoughts recently. I don't really want to do anything that would potentially increase family tensions. The only reliable thing that I like is the Internet and if that's gone I might seriously start using Self-Harm methods. I recently reflected on how useless I am and I gathered a decent amount of Tears. I'm not really comfortable Revealing other Major events so I'll leave it like this and maybe add some more if I get more Comfortable to do so. I've never thought beyond of actually doing Suicide because of the pain it would cause before freedom.
I really need suggestions to get out of this depression that don't Include rising family tensions.
|
depression
|
Hi all. So, I’ve been with this person who lives overseas for some time now. We’ll be approaching our two year anniversary relatively soon. But with that, I need help from those who have ADHD as I don’t.
They tend to hyper fixate quite a lot, with their fixations lasting for months and months. With this, I try my best to understand, but I can’t help but feel lonely with it? Because of time zones, our time together is limited, but a part of me feels bitter for feeling lonely when they’d rather put time into their fixation than spending time together.
I also ask for advice, because it gets to the point where I have an emergency, I can’t get in contact because of said fixation. I would really like some input. And before you ask, yes I have told them already about the feeling it leaves me. But they tend to forget unless I remind them..please share your thoughts below if you can. I appreciate it.
|
ADHD
|
so when you reassured yourself over an event and then a few weeks later maybe you literally forget what your reasoning was to reassure yourself
|
OCD
|
doing my compulsions don't make me feel better but not doing them also seems to be doing nothing so I'm kinda just stuck in eternal low anxiety limbo and its fucking with me. You know that stuffy feeling right after balling your eyes out? yea that's me currently for 4 days but also mix a little anxiety in there
|
OCD
|
Pocd is full of lies.
Ocd is a liar, it makes pointless discussions and has the "what if" sentence as the ultimate tool to hurt you.
I know tabu types of ocd aren´t discussed as much, but they are still ocd. It doesn´t matter if your thoughts are about children, or any other type of violence. They are a big lie. I finally told my friends about them, I was terrified and shaking, and you know what? They couldn´t care less, they still see me as the 19 yeard old girl full of dreams, a harmless person. They told me that no matter what or how my thoughts are, they aren´t true, they are just random noises in my brain, and they do still love me.
Take a deep breath. Have you already done what your brain told you? Have you acted on these thoughts? You didn´t, a pointless thought is still a pointless thought. Self doubt will always be there, I do have it too. But I´ve noticed something.
I was the only one terrified of my own brain, I was the only one who was hurting, I am the only one making me go through this. But I know it isn´t my fault, and it isn´t yours as well. We literally have a chemical imbalance in our brain, have you seen people with Eating Disorders? the ones that are extremely thin yet still will never believe they are already skinny?
Well, we are like them, but with our own perception of our moral and ourselves
I get it, it is so scary, and I´m so proud of you. You are alive, you are here reading this and let me tell you something, you will get through this.
You should never listen to a liar, so don´t belive ocd, you would never hurt a child, there is a big difference withween thinking and acting. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.
You are valid, brave. Even if you are hurting, you know deep down you are an amazing human being, and caring person.
Believe more in yourself, tomorrow is a chance to try harder again.
I´m tired of believing in a liar, that´s why I started believing my friends, and myself. I will get my life back.
You will too.
|
OCD
|
I have a list of things that need to be done in my mind like college work and my career that I'm building this can be exhausting at times cause there's a lot of work and always more to do so like any other I sometimes take a break for a day like after an exam or in the weekend I usually catch up with media and have fun or maybe go out.
The problem starts the next day, if I don't catch up with work again I will lose my control over my crowded to do list, this can go for days or months (the last summer was insanely unproductive) I just don't know what to do I can't organize the stuff and prioritize.
Anyone else feeling this? Any tips or tricks is appreciated
|
ADHD
|
Forgive me if this isn't something others have experienced, I only started the diagnosis journey a few weeks ago. I'm an adult going through the diagnosis process, so far the testing I have gone through shows definite traits. For the first time I make sense to me.
Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled, I handed the prescription note over to the pharmacy lady and said I'd be back to collect it. When I went back, a different pharmacy lady served me and she asked "Did your prescription come from the doctor's surgery?" My brain said "Well, duh, where else would a prescription come from?" After she went to look for it, what I realised she had meant was "Did your doctor phone the prescription over to us?" and she was a bit pissed off when she came back and said she couldn't find it in the pile of prescriptions phoned in by doctors.
Its the first time I've done something like that and understood the fundamental reasons behind it, and not just assumed I was stupid or lacked common sense. It was an interesting experience in the light of possibly being an aspie, did this happen to other people once they realised they might be/are an aspie?
|
aspergers
|
I'm scared that something bad is going to happen. Earlier today, I saw a video of a man abusing someone in their home, and it got ugly.
I felt nauseous after, a little shaken, but eventually was okay. Then my dad came home.
When he came in, something about him felt a little off, just his vibe. But, when I bent down to pick up my shoes, I glanced up and he was smiling at me. Now, it could've been just the angle that I saw it, but it felt sickening. My stomach is churning just thinking about it. As I picked up my shoes, he went to tap one with his boot, just as a playful thing, but it felt aggressive even though nothing about it actually was.
Once I got standing straight, I left the room immediately. I'm in my room currently with the door locked, but I just feel sick, and I cant stop crying.
My head keeps saying that he's going to try to do something, that he is going to k*ll us. I'm so scared, but logically, I know he wouldn't. He's never even yelled at us.
I think it's all becoming this mess bc 1) I saw his gun yesterday while playing hide n seek with my brother, 2) I have been having more mental problems lately, 3) I saw the abusive video mentioned above, and 4) I've always been weary of him/any man I meet.
My brother is at work, and idk where my mom is right now. I'm scared, and I don't know how to handle this.
|
ptsd
|
I read that rocd doesn't have to be romantic relationships, it can be platonic relationships too, but I don't see many people who have this type.
I would constantly obsess over how close me and my friend were, and analyse his interactions with other people and compare it to his interactions with me. I would feel anxious if he hadn't messaged me because I thought our friendship wasn't good enough, so I'd end up having to message him first.
He ended up ghosting me in the end, which I completely don't blame him for. My emotions and actions were so irrational, I'd wound myself up to really believing that he was leaving me out and he actually secretly disliked me or something, even though he called me his best friend.
I couldn't even concentrate on my final exam because I was obsessing over him all the way through it. It was nearly summer and I knew that I wouldn't see him as much. I'd have dreams that our friendship ended and that my other friend was replacing me. That actually ended up kind of happening because of the way I behaved, which made me feel like my dreams were a premonition of some sorts.
I apologised to him over and over and over again, I sent him so many messages. I'm so regretful of how I handled the whole situation, he really was a good friend to me and I was a horrible one to him. I think I did like him more than a friend, or maybe it was my level of obsession that made me think I did. I don't know. But it was one of the worst times in my life.
|
OCD
|
Whenever I'm alone with my thought too long I always end up getting angry at something, especially at night when im trying to sleep, anyone else or am I just suppressing a lot of anger?
|
aspergers
|
It's 3 am, our smoke detector in our downstairs foyer just went off twice and my dad said "idk why it's going off" and unplugged it... I have work in the morning and now I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep because I'm fighting the urge to go check every single thing in our downstairs foyer/garage/laundry room. We live in the upstairs portion of the house, above the garage, and if a fire started, now we wouldn't know because he unplugged the alarm. If I do go check, he'll get pissed at me for not believing him. I hate this stupid fucking disorder.
|
OCD
|
I was going places in boxing, injured for 2 years past the point of making it all I can do is eat, drink, and smoke weed
|
depression
|
When I was a child, I was quickly put on Ritalin due to how hyper active and talkative I was. My focus in school was poor andI know the medication helped me get through grade school.
When I became an adult, I got back on Ritalin when going through my first semester of college thinking that that was the only way I was going to pass my studies. Due to price and almost an internal stigma of being an adult taking medicine, I never went back to get a renewal. I found a way through techniques like flashcards while walking (actually helped a lot!) to pass my courses and become a professional in my field of study.
That was 10 years ago and three kids prior. I will say that I have ignored my childhood diagnosis and have not been entirely affected by my hyper active mind until now. More specifically, since the last year. I have become more forgetful at work, tired all the time, and unable to focus or get motivated on important things like tasks like cleaning, going to the store, or working out.
I’m 32 years old now and beyond frustrated on how I can’t seem to handle it like I used to.
My questions are:
1) anyone with advise to stay motivated or to focus that doesn’t include medication?
2) has anyone Had similar circumstances where you were able to control your ADHD for a while until a random moment when you just couldn’t
I am thankful that there is a place for us to go to for advice and support. I appreciate that all y’all read this far since I know how bored we all get with large texts. 😂
|
ADHD
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.