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I'm trying at 23 to learn French and then Spanish as a stupid monolingual American, but it's hard. I feel dumb inferior to bilingual friends and it's hard to reach my goals. I want to learn French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, etc one by one but it's starting to be terrible forcing an hour a day since it's difficult to have a schedule in the first place! What can I do to stop big so outdated, stupid, and worthless?
ADHD
I believe I have a method for accepting one's self as an Aspi. I didn't invent anything and it would be100% free. I would simply reapropreate an existing method for specific application to ASD. I see alot pain here and made a personal commitment to reduce suffering in the world. I am ASD 1 And believe I have discovered a way to ease some of the pain I see here everyday. This post is to gage interest in the idea. I will not be specific rite now because there would be alot of work to do in terms plotting the method for ASD. UP VOTE or COMMENT to support this idea.
aspergers
I was just musing about which races in dungeons and dragons that could be coded as autistic or have autistic traits and the two I’ve come up with are Dwarves: they are often depicted as a bit socially awkward with outsiders, stand-offish, but firm friends if you make the effort to get to know them, they are often law abiding and dedicated to the perfection of there crafts. Changelings (from Eberron) they copy the appearance and mannerisms of those they encounter and refer to this ability as masking and rarely show their true appearance and personality to anyone except their closest and most trusted friends.
aspergers
Does anyone else feel like this? Like you are more conscious of your own mind than other people seem to be of theirs. That we analyse and think about our own thoughts more than others and this could lead to over thinking, stress, anxiety, and so many other problems. Normal people seem to think a lot less than myself, especially logically, but they know what to say straight away and they can get things done efficiently, even if they don't like what they have to do. Ive been thinking about this because money doesn't motivate me and I've never seen its value. I only see value when it's spent to change it to something of value. But I am motivated to do good, to help others, these things are easier than doing anything for myself. I wonder if the world would be better if there were less normal people and more of us, if this applies to you too. Because logically the economic system cannot continue as it is, but everyone seems to know that but continue in the system anyway because of short term rewards. Also because of climate change.. But people are focusing on money more than saving the world. I seem to be able to see the bigger picture much more often, but this often makes things seem pointless or worthless, so it's not all beneficial, and I see the bigger picture logically, not emotionally. I have a totally different perspective but might miss a really common perspective that people around me have.
aspergers
TRIGGER: Self-harm, suicide. If these things bother you PLEASE do not read this post. ​ ​ ​ ​ My dad tried to kill himself when I was 17. I was home alone with him, and he was pretty drunk. His business partner had back stabbed him greatly in the month prior to the incident and he turned to alcohol heavily. I won't get into the details about the particulars of that night but I found him after hearing loud falling (this is an important detail) and there was blood. I had to be the one who called the police. It was all me. My mother and sister were on a trip in a nearby state. At the hospital my mother met me as soon as she could. I never thought he was going to die honestly. But nonetheless this was probably more traumatic than I realized at the time. I was sworn to secrecy, and was not allowed to tell anyone anything. This incident happened over Spring Break of that year and I did not miss any school for it. After this incident, I found that I took a seemingly pragmatic approach. I had suffered with depression too in the past and in a way understood him. I knew his decision had nothing to do with his love for his family. But as the years go on, I see little cracks in this secure foundation of understanding of the situation which I thought I had. First of all, I never got into drinking (until recently because my current boyfriend drinks and in a reasonable way). But all throughout undergrad of college I never was even remotely interested. My ex did not drink either which probably did not help but I was never interested on my own, even when physically handed alcohol. I think it was because my dad was so drunk that night. I get very irritated at sudden loud noises (maybe because of the noises of that night?) I became interested in blood (not in a creepy way but I just find it interesting now). I liked to walk around graveyards and read murder documentaries and things about people finding bodies. I just found it interesting. I realized that something might be off with this for two reasons. One, in college I became so happy with my life that one day when I was reading one of the stories I thought "why the hell am I reading this? this is so depressing!" Now, I know I am in a dark place when I find myself gravitating towards these stories again. Two, the show Degrassi talked about a character's PTSD of being in a bus crash and she kept wanting to recreate the scene and take pictures of it. She almost artistically went about her PTSD it would seem. I also want to feel what it is like to do some of the things that people do when they want to off themselves to know what it feels like. I also want to go to the spot it happened again. I also hate being in closets because it reminds me of a certain way that people try to kill themselves. I want to tell people too, I have such an urge. My boyfriend knows I found someone who was drunk who tried to kill themselves but not much else. 2 of my friends know the same thing too. No one knows who or where. Does anyone else relate? I generally feel like a happy person. I have a great life and a good relationship with my dad, yet these other side of me lingers... yet I feel like I do not want to give it up and don't want to get better. I sometimes like thinking about it. I don't understand...
ptsd
Struggling with a real argument, insight needed Hello all, essentially the other day my girlfriend and I went to the mall to look for a dress for her for an upcoming event we have. When we got there I had this idea that my mom would actually love to go with her, so I thought we could look today and then they could go to purchase it another day. She was very hesitant at first and just paused and said “okay, but if I see something today I’m going to get it”. This upset me because I was like “how does she not know that this would mean a lot to my mom?” But I didn’t wanna just go off her snap-to thinking and figured it was only fair to explain. So I did and she got quite upset and was like “we’re already here and you wanted to come today and I don’t wanna have to do everything with your mom. I want to do things by myself, or with you or with my mom.” Now, keep in mind she did say she was having very bad period cramps and was in pain. I felt hurt because I explained why it would mean a lot to my mom and it would be easy for her to set aside the inconvenience of having to reschedule shopping and us just look today so that my mom could be happy, yet she still refused and argued and was mean about it. I explained this pain later and she apologized and admitted fault and said she wasn’t thinking clearly about what I was saying or how it came off as her saying “well I just don’t care about your mom and I want to do it my way” which is how I interpreted it. Keep in mind also that my mom and I have a pretty toxic relationship. I love her more than anyone on the earth, but she calls me 10 times a day and is very attached to me and says I’m her purpose in life. She gets very depressed when I don’t actively make time for her and I imagine that annoys my girlfriend to need to cater to that, but since she’s my mom I still say it shouldn’t be an annoyance for my girlfriend and she should power through. I feel like my ocd is telling me my girlfriends evil for what she did and we should now break up or I’m essentially going to say with someone who disgraced my mother (the woman who got me where I am today) Please help
OCD
Hey everyone. I started ERP today with a therapist I really like. Today I wrote a worst case scenario for harm OCD. I read it to her, and felt pretty uncomfortable when reading it. I almost had this urge to laugh from the discomfort of it all (reading it, having her watch me and not react while I read it), which increased my anxiety as it made me worry about whether I enjoyed the story. I went from an anxiety level of 7-4. Funnily enough, I also get anxiety about whether or not I’m being honest about my fear level (whether it’s too high or too low, etc.). Either way, I think that this experience will be helpful to me. I find that doing ERP when I’m not already triggered isn’t that horribly scary for me, but it’s definitely uncomfortable and not fun. Anyways, I wanted to share my experience. Is what happened in my session (in regard to my feelings during it) normal?
OCD
I tried to order a wrap from a local restaurant on Uber Eats. I hit "reorder" for the last time I ordered from them, but tried to change the juice. They delivered 2 juices instead of a juice and a wrap. I was really looking forward to that wrap and am way more upset about this than I should be. I feel like I wasted money now because I didn't really even want the juice, i only ordered it to get over $15 so Uber Eats would waive the delivery fee. I also keep wondering what the Uber driver thought about ordering 2 juices. And now ordering again just feels embarrassing and like wasting more money. It seems like such a small thing, yet I'm so massively annoyed. Anyone else have moments like this?
aspergers
So one of the reasons my therapist says I have PTSD instead of ADD is because it’s genetic and none of my parents have it. I just found out tonight that my aunt from mom’s side had ADHD. I also asked about her brother who after research sounded like he might have it too. She said no because he finished engineering school; he just has no motivation. Some of her other siblings also struggle with life but don’t know about them. I guess I’m just wondering if it’s possible to have it genetically if my aunt and possibly other extended family members have adhd but my parents don’t? Thanks
ADHD
i dont want to be a burden, and I feel like k\*lling myself will just bring more concern to me. my family doesn't deserve to experience loss. but at the same time, I want to disappear. i haven't faced any struggles that would justify my thoughts to others, but it's all I know. the one person I want to talk to is not there to talk to. my mother cares and loves me soo much, and all I give her in return is sadness. i know I am weak, and I also know that I will one day give in in the future. my life has been miserable for a year now. everything I want and care about seems out of my reach, almost like I don't deserve them.
depression
I was just thinking about masking today. Suddenly I remembered a conversation I had with a co worker on how i was able to change how I act so quick ( go from super professional to fun to thoughtful) I explained to him that I have objects that I associate with personalities I want to have and I put those on or change them accordingly (I use jewelry or hats) I'm just now realizing that is what masking is. Not knowing who you truly are because you are trying to be what you think others want.
aspergers
As soon as the season changes, I feel like I am once again entering this mourning period of the days getting smaller and my OCD and depression coming back. My OCD is year round, but I feel less and less happy. Suicidal thoughts begin to creep in and it becomes a safe space of where, shit I don’t have to do this anymore. I could leave whenever I want. I’m not gonna kill myself, but the ideation is there. I got way too much shit to do to even croak. I just wish life was easier. My compulsive and obsessive behavior and thoughts are consuming me. I’m thinking about getting back on meds temporarily, I don’t want to die but I want to get my life back on track. I wish there was a permanent solution but I know there isn’t. OCD sucks and I wish it was all gone. I wish someone can scrub my brain free of all compulsion and obsession.
OCD
So here's the situation. I have OCD (obviously). And for the most part it's under control - meaning I've pretty much willed myself to a relatively normal life by now. I still have my days and thoughts that cause a problem - but it's no where near where it used to be in the past. Anyways, my main preoccupation/obsession (I have Pure O, or the kind leaning more towards obsessive/intrusive thoughts and less so with compulsive urges) is fearing that I have schizophrenia or will go insane/develop some sort of psychotic illness or that "I do have" a psychotic illness. Well, I'm having a difficult moment right now where I'm obsessing/preoccupied with this particular obsession that I've been preoccupied with for some time now. It pretty much goes like this - early in the morning my father gets up to go to work. And well we live on the same floor and I'm usually up when he's up. Well mostly every time that he either gets out of bed or takes or shower or something I can hear a bang coming from his room, when he leaves the room or goes in it. I suspect it's just the bed making some routine noise or something - but there lies the dilemma - I can't tell for sure, because I've tried really hard to avoid asking him or my mother about the noises (as you all know, reassurance seeking only makes things worse). Anyways, I'm really being lead into the same spiral of thoughts of "Am I going crazy?" , "What was the noise coming from my parent's bedroom that sounds like my parents bed?", "Am I hallucinating?" and so on and so forth. Another challenge to is that I have a job opportunity coming up this coming Thursday, and I'm starting to feel the self-doubt and fear that OCD causes that makes me question if I'll be able to perform my job effectively with this thought in my mind. Like I've mentioned in the original part of the post - I feel good for the most part, but there's still this small part of my disorder that truly still does wreak havoc and I obviously still have work to do. What should I do in moving forward? I already have a plan for ERP and what not so I'm not really asking for that kind of help. I've been wondering, would talk therapy help? Just to sort of get things off my chest every once in a while? I haven't been in therapy for some time, and on some level I've done better off without it. The thing is, I don't know. There's still times that I feel overwhelmed, afraid, confused and unsure of how to act towards my future. What would some of you recommend? Therapy? I don't know? ​ Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you. And if you took the time to truly read the whole post, thanks....again.
OCD
the title, but I feel like I might have depression... or at least an extreme sense of loneliness, but I cant really tell, and don want to be one of those "oh yeah! I definitely have depression for attention" people, so I'm kinda looking for a fact-check, any signs/symptoms that I might look for?
depression
Ever since my grandpa who the person I was closest to my whole life died I always do bad with dealing with deaths and even get a lil emotional when seeing someone die in movies when they show a close family member looking in the casket or at the cemetery. My uncle on the same side of the family died (have dealt with death on other side of family between grandpa dying and my most recent uncle dying so it’s not like this is my first funeral in a while) and at his funeral I saw my aunt and cousin crying looking looking into the coffin and I started to feel how I felt looking into the casket when my grandpa died (had all the same family at the funeral which I think contributed to this) and starting shaking and breathing heavy. I also had dreams of family members dying for a while. When looking up the symptoms of ptsd I realized I had many of the symptoms, but always thought you had to experience a traumatic experience to get ptsd. So my question is if I never witnessed my grandpa die could still be possible to have ptsd to death or something because of his death and how close we were.
ptsd
I'm sorry for the vague title; I didn't really know how to word it. Yesterday, I said a word that triggered the memory of a song I used to listen to. Because of my emotional state at the time I was listening to it, a flood of bad memories and feelings came rushing back. I'm trying to forget the song, but I feel like my stupid OCD won't let it go away. It's driving me absolutely nuts, and I'm afraid that I can't move on until it's out of my head. Does anyone know how to deal with something like this? How to deal with getting rid of a bad thought in general? I read somewhere that I should go and actually listen to the song; but my OCD always makes me do things in pairs of three, and I really don't even want to relive the song *once*.
OCD
I’ve been resisting some of my checking compulsions for a few days now! It’s pretty hard sometimes but it feels really rewarding that I can perform tasks I like without needing to check. My strong ones are still around but every little bit counts! Stay strong guys, I believe in all of you!
OCD
Can anyone tell me why when I was on Vyvanse I could only have one beer and I felt like I was messed up after the one, but now that I’m on generic d-amphetamine instant release I can drink a few beers and be fine…? The amount of d-amphetamine I’m on now should be same if not more than the Vyvanse was. I was on 50mg Vyvanse. I’m now on 2-3 10mg Aurobindo d-amphetamine instant release tablets per day
ADHD
Panics attacks, tension headaches, lightheadedness, extreme fear, uncontrollable stress, and uncontrollable intrusive thoughts and obsessions. Safe to say I’m going through my worst point right now. I’m going through day by day and doing my best to point out and focus on anything positive. My head feels like it might explode sometimes because my thoughts are just racing 24/7. Idk I just felt like making a post to this subreddit because it’s really been great knowing that there are thousands of people out there who understand what I’m going through. Even though I feel extremely stressed now, I know it will get better and to anyone else who’s been having a tough time know that it will get better!! 💕
OCD
Hey all 24 M, Been struggling with intrusive thoughts/false memories/obsessions about hurting people since the age of 11. Despite this I'm quite functional (study, work and live out of home)but I constantly think about things that have or haven't happened in the past. Over the past few years my thoughts have shifted to being mostly about driving and intentionally running people over with my car. I struggle immensely with this as I have to drive everyday for long periods due to work. I always feel like such a bad person, and that I don't deserve things like love and happiness. Compulsions usually involve checking mirrors and driving a certain way as well as replaying situations in my head. I also struggle from complex PTSD due to seeing a family member hang themselves (he's still alive) and traumatic drug experience's I have experienced have left me with occasional dissociation and terrible sleep quality. Basically I just want to know that I'm not the only one struggling with these issues and that someone can understand me, because I've never met anyone with obsessions so specific about harming people. It just feels so real, and even though I'm highly functional and technically have everything I need for a happy life, i can't fully experience the happiness... Also if anyone has any strategies about dealing with graphic and disturbing intrusive thoughts that would be greatly appreciated. Or any advice relating to sleep or meds. I just feel so alone with these thoughts and want to know there are people like me out there.
OCD
Parents, friends and spouses are absolutely clueless as to how OCD/Anxiety feels like and have the worst advice ever, though their hearts are often in the right place. The classic is "Don't think so much" Gee, thanks, why didn't you tell me sooner, you would have saved me years of misary. Once my sweet mom told me to imagine the disturbing thought coming out of my head like a bobble floating right in front of me. Then imagine I take out a nail in my hand and pop that bobble. I tried, believe me I tried, but alas it was not the cure for intrusive thoughts! Do you have any funny, bad or downright terrible advice you've gotten?
OCD
So if anyone goes through my post history, I tend to overthink and get upset. This is the newest that I have, just wanted to know what you guys think or an advise how to handle these talk of I should have. So here is the thing. I love my bf(AS) and he loves me, I don't have a doubt In that. I am just listing out a situation which kind of annoys me a lot but I don't know its insecurity or genuine concern. So my bf and I live more than an hour away from each other. I had to be patient for more than an year for him to be comfortable around me. For example till last year he used to come meet me and leave in 4-5 hours. Now he stays over so that was a progress. But I realised something today. When he wants to leave from my house, he won't listen to me to stay over a bit more saying he has to study for his exams(last year) or today he said he has to go home early coz he is starting a new job tomorrow. Now I don't mind him leaving early for that. But he then said he would meet his friend before going back home and I don't have problem with that too. Here is the problem: 1. I have noticed that he would say that he doesn't have time to stay a bit more with me but would stay with friends for long( for example today he told me he needs to sleep early for new job tomorrow and relax at home so he needed to go early. He is at their place and he bolted from my house early after me requesting to stay a bit more. He is at his friend's house past his bedtime and he starts his new job next day). 2. He says he doesn't watch TV show or movies, but he watches movies with them not with me. But here are the things because of which I think it's overthinking. 1. He hardly meets his friends. He met them thrice in last year but he meets me often almost every weekend since may this year. 2. They have 4 dogs and he loves dogs so I think it reduces his anxiety. The thing is I don't mind him meeting his friends( I sometime suggest him to meet them and he would say no), if he says he wants to meet them of course I don't have problem. He should meet them instead of me. But when he says I can't come cause I am busy studying or have to rest before I go to work and then go to his friend's place and hang out there instead, that seems too disrespectful to me. I feel like I am cause of his anxiety and he is making excuses to just get away. Now this might be just my emotional response and not a big deal. Am I justified in this concern? If I am and I have to point it out to him, how can I point it out without him thinking I don't want him to meet his friends. I just want him to be open and honest about his motives(well not sure the right word not a native English speaker). I would love to hear aspie side. I realised in graduate school I have a lot of mental issues that I should acknowledge. So anyone who says go to therapy I am doing therapy but it's for me and they are not an aspie expert. So here I am asking your thoughts on this.
aspergers
I've struggled to make friends all my life. Time and time again I'll meet someone, hyperfocus on them, get bored, and move on. And it sucks. I've never had a girlfriend my entire life and I'm nearly 19 and I've never even had my first kiss, let alone lost my virginity. I have 4 close friends that I've known 5+ years now and haven't made any more in that time. It's gotten to the point now where I actively avoid any new friendships or potential relationships because I've let people down in the past. So to anyone who's been more successful in this field than me, how the damn hell do I make friends and make connections with people that last?? Because right now I don't think I've ever felt more lonely.
ADHD
When you’re wasting your time away and you know that you’re wasting time, but in the end don’t really care that you are. How do you change?
depression
One could say anyone with OCD is already creative, as we make our mind go extra mile when it comes to imagining the worst case scenario. There's all sorts of OCD themes out there, but I was wondering what's the lesser known ones that people suffer with here. \- My theme shifts from time to time, and I cant give it a name like Harm OCD or HOCD, but I guess the general idea is being afraid that I will be stuck forever with an image or a situation replaying in my head over and over again. Like looking at a thumbnail on youtube in recommendations or some social media app but not having enough time to click on it as another video is already loading. When you go back to the page to saw it in, the recommendations all change and I cant find that video again. This creates this idea of never being able to find that video ever again, since there is like 5 million videos being uploaded every min on Youtube. \- The false memory OCD manifests itself in the passing by cars when I walk on the street. I look at a few cars going by and then try to remember the colors of them all, and often I turn back to make sure I see these same cars to confirm that I got the colors right. It's like playing a game, but of course its never fun with OCD. \- Recently my theme has shifted to being afraid that I would miss some important creative idea in one of my thoughts. Like something that I would need to remember to use in my art works. Since we get thousands of thoughts all the time, I figured that it would be the extremely awful if I missed some potentially good concept or idea, but this raises a question - what is the criteria of that good idea in art? It feels like any image I see in my mind can potentially be good, but thats kinda impossible to catch all of them when theres so much. Its like you want to write something but your mind is faster than your hand, and I hate to imagine myself being stuck in this idea. ​ Anyone had similar experiences?
OCD
Shut the fuck up. Im trying to tell you how I feel.
depression
I was triggered by someone saying they were touched as a kid which triggered my POCD and I know I don't want to do that to a child but had a terrible intrusive thought that was like "they are family so its easy to abuse them cause they are always available" and it makes me sick that if even have a intrusive thought like that and scares me and scares me Even more that that I would think something like that. Please any advice would help does anyone get intrusive thoughts like this
OCD
My girlfriend had to quit her job in April due to her employer rehashing her PTSD. She is currently on EI but it’s barely covering what she needs financially. We are currently working with her doctor and psychologist to help find options and treatments, as well as health link and a psychiatrist. I’m sure most people know, but Alberta, Canada is not the best when it comes to mental health financial support, and we are drawing a blank. We are obviously still working with professionals, however we are curious as to whether people know of other financial programs that are out there to help PTSD victims, or severe mental illness. Anything would be amazing, thank you very much.
ptsd
About a year ago I started to entertain the idea that I'm on the spectrum and it took a while to sink in, but I'm almost positive that it perfectly describes what Ive experienced for my whole life Ive always had a monotone voice and have been told that I'm quirky. Im clumsy and have trouble walking, and im terrified by social situations (exacerbated by COVID) Regarding eye contact... i really have been doing it wrong this whole time. I didnt realize that staring at people would make them uncomfortable, I kind of assumed that if they didnt look like they noticed me looking at them then they didnt notice, but Ive probably creeped so many people out. One memory sticks out in particular: I went to pick up takeout from this food place and when the lady called me up, Im pretty sure I just stared at her the whole time while she was putting my card in and stuff, because I didnt know what else to do. She gave me a weird look and I was so confused, I had said hello nicely and smiled and was excited to get some good food. but I really was staring her ass down for no reason. I feel so bad that I was probably making her really uncomftable on her job. I think the hardest part for me is realizing how much I was bullied in high school and middle school. I thought that I barely got bullied at all, but looking back a lot of the time I thought people were nice to me they were making fun of me :(. I think it hurts extra because I was so unaware of it, and other people probably picked up on the fact that I was unaware and thought it was funny too. ​ I could never tell when someone was interested in me, and still cant. this is proving to be really difficlult when trying to find a partner, bc I need absolute certainty to make any actions and I cant read nuance. Ive gotten better but its still a shot in the dark a lot of the time ​ Thank you for reading this if you did, i have a klunky writing style so apologies if that got in the way
aspergers
I cant remember stuff ive been told seconds ago, im losing thoughts i just had, plans and memories. I read up on the topic and found ways to improve working memory (n-back tests, Meditation, cogmed training) But is there a way to clean up what my brain is processing right now so i can focus on what i *want* to process? I feel like my brain is full all the time.
ADHD
I've been up too long and my head hurts. I close my eyes and my thoughts swirl around themselves, gently prying my eyes back open. My therapist told me insomnia was a symptom of depression, and I'm not familiar with this. Why can't I function like my old self? Able to shut out the world in less than 3 minutes, and wake up to a refreshed view? When will this end? When will I make it out of here?
depression
Hello everyone! I remember recently watching a video by a ballet dancer YouTuber and her dancer boyfriend, who is autistic, talking about his experience. I'm desperate to remember who it was. Does this ring a bell for anyone? Thank you so much! :)
aspergers
Last year i was on lexapro 10mg and in cbt for depression and anxiety, things were starting to look different, and i was fine, there were still issues but very minor. I stopped both the treatments some months ago after medical advice, and as i was starting to lose back the weight that i put on during the ssri treatment, my mental state started to slowly but steadily decline. I'm not suicidal anymore, and I'm still functional, but i find myself having more and more doubts about myself and my self esteem is plummeting for no real reasons. That's the main issue, this time around i don't know exactly why it's starting all over again. So, i don't know what should i do.. Try to get some help, again, or should i try to manage this feeling by myself? For context there were several drawbacks for the pharmaceutical treatment (low libido and weight gain mostly) and I'm not sure i want to deal with them again right now, gaining weight also was rough for my body image perception and self esteem.
depression
I went to a psychiatrist for the first time today and I’m not gonna lie, I’m like terrified. First of all, he said I have ADD which I thought that was a combined diagnosis now so it’s just ADHD? Not too sure. The thing that really scares me is that I’ll be taking 3 medications now for adhd, depression, and anxiety. He knows that I’m working about 60 hours a week, and I feel like it’s going to take a toll on me at first. He prescribed me with pristiq, buspar, and vyvanse. Which I’ve also heard pristiq and vyvanse are a terrible mix so I’m a bit scared of that as well. I guess the main thing I’m asking is, has anyone else been treated for multiple different things including adhd - and did it go okay for you?
ADHD
so this friday, july 10th, marks the fourth anniversary of the day my house burned down. the day my beautiful dog lala passed. the day i woke up at 6am on a sunday morning to my brother screaming “fire, fire wake up.” the day i had to jump out of my window, breaking my elbow and hip. the day i almost died. i cant believe it’s been 4 years. it’s almost surreal. it hasn’t really affected me this much throughout the year but right now i am struggling. i just cant believe it’s been so long, yet it almost feels like yesterday. i also havent really struggled with many flashbacks/panic attacks, just some occasional anxiety. but now today i’m kinda almost afraid to go to sleep. its 3:15 and i cant sleep. im afraid to put my phone down and close my eyes. im afraid that i’m going to wake up again to my brother screaming. and i know its never going to happen like that again since my family is more prepared now than back then. but it’s still on the back of my mind. i dont know. im just struggling
ptsd
I was in my 30s when I first made the realization that I had executive function problems. Looking back on my childhood it's so evident now, but being told I was lazy and emotional growing up had convinced me I was. My wife and I are veterans and get our healthcare through the VA. We luckily have a local VA clinic in our community, so we don't have to drive to KC for every appointment. Being children of the 70s, we grew up and developed our mental health issues and didn't get diagnosed or treated. So it took until our mid 30s before we did anything about it. I approached my VA therapist about possible executive function issues, maybe adhd, maybe emotional issues. It was all blown off. She didn't like labels and my masking was good enough to make her think I was fine. So I got zoloft and that was it. I didn't think to talk to my psychiatrist about it, so I let it go. But things got worse.  This was 6 or 8 years ago, I'm now almost 45. In that time I have educated myself about attention and mood disorders, but you can only do so much with executive dysfunction and little to no professional help. I would let it go, but things would get bad, financially or relationship wise. So I would try to get help. I was passed between 4 or 5 different psychiatrists in this time, all of which were less than helpful. I haven't had a therapist in a couple years. I finally wrote a message to the mental help department itself pleading for help. I thought I had it, but it's clear the mental health department of the kcva is understaffed and at least partially incompetent (I say partially because my wife has gotten pretty good care with her mental health.) I have decided to go outside the VA, but my finances are horrible, thanks in large part to my untreated whatever I have. I don't know where to go that's cheap enough but actually will help me.
ADHD
Since the start of my Junior year and my super supportive and stable friend group completely fell apart I've been depressed and anxious but I've also been super easily frustrated and on edge all the time. The smallest remark or issue makes me wanna cry or yell at someone. Luckily I've held it together enough to have some self control for the most part. Being ticked off feels like a default now a day and I don't know how to get it to stop because all efforts to fix my situation have been out of my control. I've tried being patient and all but even I have my limits for how much shit I can take. I just miss them all so bad and everything hurts all the time and I don't know if its gonna get any better.
aspergers
I have been on Adderall for a little over a month now and was moved up to 10mg twice a day recently. My big question has to do with caffeine. My source of caffeine is Crystal Light packets for water which is about 60mg per packet. I have been hooked on caffeine since I was a kid and now pretty much any drink I can force myself to drink has to have some caffeine in it. I found that both when I switched to Adderall and then when the dosage was upped my caffeine craving drops but then about a week later it comes back. For instance I have probably had 300mg of caffeine already today and will likely end up having more. Most people talk about shakiness or increased stress when they are mixed but I don't seem to get this, if anything it seems to help focus me more. I will say sometimes I find that my arm feels strange or I am feeling warmer than usual which makes me realize I probably have had too much but never the normal issues. Are there people here that like me can mix the two with no jitteriness? I have only been diagnosed for a few months and still titrating dosages and learning how my caffeine addiction fits into this/ how to stop. Any experience with this/ advice?
ADHD
(This may have been done already so I'm sorry if it has) I think it could really help people with OCD to have a thread of lesser known or less obvious symptoms. It could become a compulsion to check the list, of course, but it could also help people to understand their minds a bit better. I'll start off and anyone who feels comfortable sharing their symptoms can add on. This might get a little embarrassing at some parts. Bear in mind this is mostly going to focus on harm ocd but any other forms are welcome. 1. Altered perception - When you have OCD, you will convince yourself that everything you do ties into whatever your obsession wants you to believe you are. You'll read articles about disorders and your brain will literally lie to you and make you think you fit the symptoms, even if some of the symptoms are 100% normal or don't apply to you. 2. Cold sweats - When you "realize" you're a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath/pedophile, this feeling comes over you like you've just realized your whole live has been a lie and you need to do something about it. This feeling is so intense it gives me the cold sweats, not sure if this is common or not. 3. ...Bathroom issues - This one is definitely tmi and pretty gross but I have to know if this is common with other OCD sufferers. We will literally worry ourselves sick to the point of having diarrhea. 4. Invisible compulsions - I used to think I didn't have compulsions until I began taking online tests constantly and researching mental disorders to make sure I don't have them. 5. Subtle self harm - Things like skin picking, withholding comfort or entertainment from ourselves, or thinking we don't deserve therapy are forms of self harm that are less obvious if you don't know how to spot them. 6. Moments of clarity - Sometimes our OCD gets tired and decides to leave us alone for a few seconds. It's the best feeling ever and also the worst because you know it won't last long. 7. Cycling themes - This one is probably pretty standard but still worth mentioning. Often times when we tire out one obsession, a new one comes right after. 8. Obsession with purity - The post I made about this is what inspired me to make this list because it seemed to resonate with people. Essentially, some people with OCD cannot accept that they are less than perfect, but not in an egotistical way. We're just so scared of being harmful that the thought of us being capable of it brings us to tears. I hope this can help someone :)
OCD
I’m feeling devastated. Couldn’t stop using tools for facial extractions every day for two months. Have bad scarring now. Want to cry.
OCD
So I’ve never posted on here before but rn my intrusive thoughts are different to usual. I just randomly picture someone getting hurt. So for example I thought: ‘my sister might fall off the bed and smash her head open on the corner of my desk’ it’s so horrible it’s so gory and graphic and real!! I hate it, it’s making me feel sick. I just want to know if anyone else has suffered with this. I experience many of these harm thoughts a couple of times a day whilst also having all the other intrusive thoughts going on. Idk I just wanted to get it off my chest and put it down. Hope everyone stays safe and remember you’re not alone!
OCD
...for crashing a car while being drunk and stealing money. I apologized, I did my penalty, I was punished and I took it without denying what I did. I haven't killed anyone, but I could. I know I did hurt people when I acted this way back then. My heart is gonna bleed because of this until I die, it is 4 years now since what I did.
depression
I notice when I try to use CBT/mindfulness, a constant thought that comes into my mind is “oh I have a chemical imbalance, nothing I do will help me feel better”. What can I tell myself to overcome this?
depression
And I've just gone and googled my way out of it . I've read and herd from so many threads that it zombifies you and numbs you out to nearly no emotion at all and to be honest I pride myself on how I feel emotions. they may be overwhelming sometimes but I would rather that than lose excitement and sadness. I have anxiety and milk to moderate OCD and I feel if I do therapy I can overcome these things and manage my counting and overthinking. I have a boyfriend and all I've heard from tons of people is they lose interest in the people they care for and SSRIs doom relationships and I can't. I can't not love people because it's my favourite thing I love caring for the people in my life and if I lost interest in that idk what I would be. sure, maybe stabler and less anxious but I don't want to lose any of my personality so I've decided I'm going to do it the therapy way, even though it hasn't done much I want it more than risking my feelings. even now as I write this I would usually be crying but I'm not and tbh I don't like it, so yeah
OCD
So my mom was pretty abusive to me growing up. Some aspects of it I now understand (I don't excuse it, I just understand it) but some I never did, and likely never will. This week I suddenly figured out something she used to do that bewildered me. When I was a kid, my mom would give me an instruction about something. Like, say, don't forget to put your cup in the dishwasher when you're done. And I'd say something like, "Okay," because...well, that's fine, I'll do that. And Mom would get mad, and start telling me about all the times people in my family didn't put their cup in the dishwasher. And I'd be confused about why I was getting yelled at about this thing that I'd just said I wasn't going to do, so I'd say something like "Yes, I said I would put my cup in the dishwasher." And then she'd be in my face yelling about this cup-in-the-dishwasher thing, and getting red in the face furious at me, and like searching my face every time I'd say anything. And I'd get equally upset, because what the fuck? and keep saying things like, "Yes, like I said, I'll put my cup in the dishwasher." (Like ?????) Now a lot of this was just my mom being an asshole to me, I think. But something someone posted in this sub this week clicked with me. They said that NTs will kind of search your face for cues about how a conversation is going. And my mom was constantly, constantly doing that, not just when these incidents happened. I had, as a kid (before I learned to mask, which took until my late 20s to get decent at) a very flat affect and monotone voice. So maybe a tiny part of what was happening is that, when my mom told me to do a thing, she was looking for some kind of tone of voice or facial expression that I wasn't doing. And the angrier she got, the more she wanted whatever tone/expression that was, but she never got it, which made her even more angry. I still have no fucking idea what mystery signal it was that she wanted from me, but I'm really glad to have at least a tiny mystery from my childhood cleared up. I could never figure out why my mom would always peer at my face like I was some kind of very suspect science experiment. She was probably looking for NT facial expressions that she never got. (To be extra clear here, I am not blaming child-me for not doing or saying whatever she was looking for. This isn't a self-victim-blaming thing.)
aspergers
Hi everyone, So I was prescribed adderall Xr a little over a year ago, and everything was fine until about 4 months ago. I became really anxious when I took it, heart rate was in the 110 range when sitting, and my heart was constantly fluttering. The heart problems scared me so much that I stopped taking it. These symptoms started once I started a new semester at school, so I think it’s in my head, but I’ve became so hyper focused on my heart that it’s taking over my life. I haven’t taken my adderall in months, but I still feel that same heart fluttering feeling. I’ve went to a cardiologist and even the emergency room and they tell me everything’s fine, but I’m still nervous. My psychiatrist prescribed me vyvanse to see if it works better, but I’ve been too nervous to take it because I’m scared of how my heart will react. I’ve tried non-stimulants as well and they didn’t work. I’ve become obsessed with checking my heart rate on my Apple Watch and taking my blood pressure and it’s all normal. Is this all anxiety or could there be something actually wrong?
ADHD
Hi. Today I (19M) had a meeting with my guidance counselor because I wanted to discuss some things regarding my internship (I’m studying to become a nurse). There were several things I wanted to discuss, one thing I brought up was me not being able to get myself started on assignments or if I do not being able to actually finish them. I just can’t, I know I’m supposed to do them but I don’t. I am aware of my behavior but I can not seem to change it! I told her I have looked for help with this in the past but it never really worked, nothing has been a solution just yet. This is when she asked me if I have AD(H)D, a question that kind of startled me but I had never thought about. For YEARS I had always thought of myself as lazy, someone who is just bad at studying, a failure (so obviously I’m not diagnosed). It has been a struggle for as long as I remember and probably one of the most frustrating aspects of my life. She said that in all the things I told her she noticed clues that this might be AD(H)D and I should take a screening test online. I took several and all of them say that there is a (big) chance that its AD(H)D, specifically ADD because I am not hyperactive. After that many thoughts went through my head. I started reading online, including this subreddit and I find myself almost crying when I read some of your stories because it feels like it could have been me writing them. Part of me wishes that this is it, is that weird? I don’t want to be labeled because I’m afraid of what others will think of me, but at the same time it feels like such a relief that MAYBE after all this time there is an actual reason for why I have been like this. I am considering going to my doctor (its step 1 in my country) but I am afraid that this could have negative consequences as well? Some of them would be the stigma on AD(H)D, fear of becoming dependent on medication or even the thought of difficulty finding a job has crossed my mind. In some of your stories you describe getting the diagnosis but not being able to receive proper medication, that frightens me too. Of course that is all thought too far ahead because I am not diagnosed. So my question is, does anyone recognize these feelings I am describing? I guess I am looking for some validation that I am not going insane. Should I discuss this with my parents? Feel free to ask me any questions.
ADHD
Diagnosis background: Mum was told I had ADHD when I was 2 years old, my mum said no because my older brother also has ADHD, and I was very different. She had multiple doctors and paediatricians tell her I had ADHD, but you can't get a formal diagnosis until you are 6 years old. And, of course, at six years old, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and was one tick away from Aspergers. I was also diagnosed with SPD when I was a baby / toddler. I had multiple re-evaluations over the years, to confirm I still had ADHD and everything else (?!?! *It doesn't just disappear one day...?!?!*), and all came back as a resounding YES! I even had to get re-diagnosed multiple times once I turned 18, to assess whether or not I still needed support and medication (reguired by the Australian government once you reach legal age and are on a controlled drug that is used for, in their terms *a childhood behavioural problem*, as if it just stops affecting us once we become adults...?!?)....all this to say...i've been through the ringer... So, I was comfirmed to have ADHD and SPD and was also formally diagnosed with Autism, OCD, and a few other things that are not relevant. So, I've been taking Concerta on and off multiple times over the past 10-11 years now (started at 11, now 22). I was on Ritalin for years before this, but wasn't effective enough, so my peadiatrician switched me to 54mg of Concerta. I've tried multiple doses (18mg, 36mg and 54mg) and had different issues with each different dose. 18mg - Never felt even a slight change. 36mg - Felt a very slight effect in terms of being able to control my emotional dysregulation (until it wore off), but never helped with motivation or concentration. 54mg - Have the ability to motivate myself to do things, better impulse control, able to get some stuff done and able to think clearer and concentrate better. Problems - 18mg and 36mg never gave me *comedown* side effects as it wore off, which was great, but also felt like it never helped me either. 54mg I find, works well enough to make me somewhat functional, great right? Only problem being, when i'm on 54mg, I feel horrifically nauseas all the time, the thought of food is repulsive and makes me gag, quite common though. I can deal with that.... What I hate dealing with is the crippling, debilitating headaches that come with the *comedown* from this dose. (I suffer from chronic cluster migraines on a very regular basis, but these headaches are a very specific type of pain that I ONLY get on this dose of Concerta. Not only that, but I also become quite short-tempered and angry / irritable in the evening as it's wearing off. This is very unfair to the people around me and makes me feel extremely guilty and withdrawn. The reason I stopped taking my Concerta on and off throughout the years (whether in secret, or openly, or lied about the fact that I was still taking it when I wasn't - not to doctors, but to my mother and step father), is because I find I get rather depressed, down, withdrawn and blue.... I find I turn into a different person, and I feel like I lose my fun personality, I lose my sense of humour and I feel like I become a shell of my former self basically. With the nausea, it feels like there is a golf ball in my throat all the time, and I can't even attempt to eat, so I always try to eat something small before I take it, or right after, to hopefully prevent me being sick on an empty stomach. I feel like I become an entirely different person when I take my Concerta, a person that I don't like. I love that I have the ability to do things, and concentrate, and I have better impulse control and a better handle on my emotions, and can overall find that I am able to communicate better, and get my thoughts and feeling accross more efficiently. My problem is, I just don't know what to do..... I just started taking it again this morning, hence being able to write this out. 😅 If you wouldn't mind, would you possibly be able to tell me your thoughts on the topic, please? The pros and cons of taking concerta, what you do and don't like, what helps and what doesn't, and how it all makes you feel? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 💕 If you read this far, thank you so much! And great job! I hope everybody has a great day! 😊
ADHD
This is the first time I've ever done this, my mind was completely elsewhere and I'm currently sitting and waiting for the effects to kick in, my anxiety is going crazy over this, but the best thing I can do is just write down what happens here so that if anyone in the future experiences this, they know what to expect.
ADHD
Hi everyone, long term OCD sufferer. 8 years of intense OCD with every theme, was repeating literally everything. The intrsuive thoughts were the worst. I was fine when I was out and about with my friends etc, so couldn't figure out why at home it was so bad. Anyway, I found out it was mold toxicity and it was my environment causing it. Just said I'd post this in case anyone has a similar scenario and can't figure out why they have OCD. Here is the link to my story, and I really hope it helps people figure their OCD out. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4nEgNuf69I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4nEgNuf69I) In the video I didn't touch too much on the OCD, but it was my worst symtom by far. But it's my story of how I discovered that Mold was the cause of 8 years of Anxiety! My symptoms were: Unexplained Anxiety - to the point of freezing up / overwhelming dread and racing thoughts ,Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Intrusive thoughts, Insomnia, OCD, ADHD, Chemical sensitivity (bleach, diesel, perfume) Noise sensitivity, Brain fog, Confusion, Irritability, Panic attacks, No drive, Metallic taste in mouth, Rashes, Joint stiffness, Pins and needles, Tinnitus, Vertigo, Blurry vision, Food intolerances, Bloating, Weight gain and Blocked nose. If you have similar symptoms and can't attribute it to anything else, please look into your environment and definitely get an allergy test. I tried everything from exercise, nutrition, meditation, sleep studies, etc. Meditation worked for me in the past but due to deep breathing in the mycotoxins, it didn't work this time and actually made my symptoms worse. My symptoms improved massively since getting away from the mold. To sum it up, my nervous system was under chronic stress from the toxin so it learnt to be in a constant state of survival so now it's about detoxing and rewiring my brain so it can feel safe again now that I'm out of the environment that was causing my limbic system to be on high alert. Please watch the video for more information, but I think this could really help a lot of people here. and upvote too as I'd like to raise awareness as I feel a lot of people who have OCD could have this very issue.
OCD
Does anybody else constantly feel like you don’t even deserve to live, because you’re the way you are? Like it’s all random and the fact that you have the AUDACITY to even exist is an insult to humanity? Maybe I just lack any self esteem, but I wanted to see if anybody else saw themselves in that light. It’s not fun.
aspergers
Okay so hear me out. Whether its a fun hobby, tv show, collection or an activity, majority of the people I have met with ADHD tend to have hyperfixation on something for months on end. All they talk about is this thing, their whole world revolves around it until they find something new to obsess over. I don't know about you but I have dozens of projects I've started over the years that I NEVER finish. Why not have a subreddit where people can trade off their old hobbies, obsessions and projects for other people to enjoy?
ADHD
I'm just exhausted. Every time I feel like I'm getting better I go the other direction. I was finally able to get medication which has improved some things but forcing myself to do something I'm not interested in exhausts all my mental energy. If I manage to force myself to work I can't do anything else that day because I'm mentally exhausted. I am continually racking up debt as I supplement the lost income from missing days. I stress myself out to the point of high heart rate warnings from my apple watch. I cry on a daily basis and every new job I manage to get hired at, I'm burned out faster and faster. First job was a couple years, then 6 months, then 3. I'm not even a month into this job and I'm already struggling to keep myself clocking in. The more times I miss work and lose money the more stress it adds as I try to keep bills paid so I have a place to live. Everyone keeps telling me these are just things I have to do but I just can't seem to make myself do it. I'll chew my fingers til they bleed from stress of not going to work and still not be able to force myself. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm totally exhausted and while I have no intentions or desires to end my own life, I have no energy or money to do anything I'd enjoy and feel like there's no point continuing like this.
ADHD
I’m writing this after reading a couple popular posts which called OCD a “heavy duty disorder” or basically “incurable”. While that can be true, and I appreciated the goal of the posts of acknowledging the rough battle we fight, many people seemed to be saddened by them. I want to try to add a few points to hopefully help those people out. ERP + medication have an efficacy of about 70% for OCD patients, which is quite a lot. Also, a new approach called RF-ERP, seems to be even more effective. And these are just a few treatment options. There are other, less known ones, which might work well for some. Also, just think that one hundred years ago psychotic patients were basically condemned. Now, with the evolution of drugs, many live better and some even work. Same goes for manic-depressive illness. And general anxiety or depression are managed with both more advanced types of therapy and medication. So I would not exclude much better treatment options for OCD in the coming years, as well as all other mental illnesses. Just think that scientists are working on a cancer vaccine! So many things will be possible. I hope this helps some people. Best to you all Edit: sorry for typo in title
OCD
It's been about six months since I've had a full night terror attack but I have nightmares and replay memories when I fall asleep. My boyfriend has to wake me almost nightly, several times a night, because I start twitching, kicking, and hyperventilating in my sleep. I'm scared to sleep and I feel bad that I wake him and interrupt his rest with my baggage. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired all the time but even the thought of sleeping is sometimes enough to push me into a panic attack.
ptsd
I guess this could be classified as both a question and a vent....I’m 26, I saw a therapist on and off for more than a decade I’d been dealing with some sort of depression/anxiety pretty much that whole time but the therapist finally diagnosed me with pure-o when I came home from college after struggling mightily with depression/anxiety. Recently, I began seeing a new therapist and I’m reporting the same problems of low self esteem overthinking social interactions and going over and over things in my head to see if I did/said anything wrong etc etc. I will say that most of my anxiety centers around my social interactions. Anyway both my new therapist and psychiatrist seem to think my symptoms fall in line more with social anxiety. I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what you call it as long as you can identify the symptoms and get relief. It’s just kinda confusing because I was told for so long that it was one thing. Has anybody gone through something similar with their diagnoses’? Or feel that their symptoms may fall somewhere I’m between. Not looking for medical advice, just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. No matter what the clinically correct term is for what’s going on in this crazy brain of mine, I really do appreciate all the encouragement and support I’ve received on this sub. I know it’s gets hard, but with support groups like this one we can get through it
OCD
Hi recently I’ve been suffering with anxiety induced harmful thoughts which happens all day. The psychiatrist nurse in the hospital told me I have severe anxiety and it will go whilst the GP nurse doesn’t want to do anything with me yet and if she does make any actions it will mean me being on a 6 month waiting list. Having these thoughts whilst having derealization and being emotionally detached is making me question myself and wonder if I want to do the actions my head is saying. I’m avoiding being around my family through the day and leave my house in panic in the morning. Can anyone offer me advice to easy my mind?
OCD
Like so many people with ADHD, I (31F) have no filter. I say what's on my mind without realizing it could be rude/hurtful to someone. I like to think I'm a good person though, and I'm always worried about people hating me because of my impulsive comments. I try to help myself feel better by saying they probably forgot about it, or they know my intentions aren't to be malicious. My friends will tell me if I said something that was hurtful to them, and I really love when they do so I have a chance to apologize and let them know I never meant to upset them. But yesterday, I had a huge falling out with my SIL (28F). It's been a long time in the making as I've always felt she had an issue with me. Back in July, I texted her and asked if everything was okay, and asked her to please let me know if I have said or done anything to upset her so I could make it right. I didn't get a response and what followed was 3 months of awkwardly avoiding each other. I finally convinced her to meet with me yesterday, and she unloaded four years of things I've said that hurt her feelings. Things like: when I designed her wedding invitations (I'm a professional graphic designer and did them free of charge and paid for them myself as their wedding gift), she ordered too many and I said "oh that was a waste of money." And at her bachelorette party (where I was the only one who didn't know anyone and was already feeling really anxious), we were trying to figure out sleeping arrangements and I told her I am a light sleeper so I would prefer to sleep on the couch because they wanted to put me with someone who snores. I didn't even say that out loud, I pulled her aside and told her. There weren't enough beds and somebody would have had to sleep on the couch either way. I just feel like all the things I have done have been eclipsed by impulsive comments I've made in passing. She basically told me I'm a rude bitch and said everyone hates me. And now I want to never talk to anyone ever again. TL;DR: My lack of filter destroyed my relationship with my SIL and now I'm convinced everyone actually hates me and I'm a terrible person. Edit to add: I had asked her in July via text if I could treat her to lunch so we could talk. I clearly expressed I wanted to make things right if I had hurt her in any way. She never responded but I know she saw the text. I finally met with her in person yesterday after trying to get together for the last three months, and that's when she told me everything.
ADHD
DAE have a problem with mimicking accents? I only ever mimic an English accent, I do it subconsciously. One time I was made aware I was doing it, they were very angry with me but I couldn’t stop and they tried to beat me up as they thought I was making fun of them despite trying to tell them I wasn’t doing it deliberately and for the life of me I couldn’t stop it though.
aspergers
Hi My name is Riley and I have Aspergers. I need some tips on how to get a girlfriend if you could help me that would be great, Thank you and have a good day!
aspergers
How did you honestly do it? I’ve tried and can’t go through with suicide and since that I’ve just been distracting myself with all different destructive behaviours, which passed some time before I can start therapy in the new year. Yet one conversation brought everything back to the forefront of my mind and I’m back in the pits and I just can’t cope. I’d love to just carry on with this destructive behaviour but it’s put me in such a worse place after just a few weeks that if I carry on I’ll feel even worse by the new year. What did anyone do that you found helped get you on the road to a better place? And I’m not talking the usual stuff that gets posted over social media, exercise, drink water, meditate etc. anything else work for you?
depression
Why do I struggle so much with cleaning ? My therapist says it has to do with my adhd but I feel like I can only use it as an excuse for so long. I don’t feel like I’m lazy, I want to clean and have a nice home. It’s just hard to start cleaning. I found an app that really helps me out and I’ve maintained a decently clean apartment but I’m worried it’s gonna slip back into chaos
ADHD
I mean just today one of my teachers in my special needs room got upset when I was walking back from the nurse because I said “Hi” to a student I know as a compliment. She then had me talk with her about how “bad” me saying hi to someone was during class time (despite other students and staff doing it a lot) and seemed to try and gas light/guilt trip me saying I “cannot” be trusted to go to other parts of the school by myself and would need someone to accompany me. I then bluntly accused her of being a bigot and using bigoted dog whistles against me as an autistic person which she denied. I honestly don’t like when adults do this because I feel subhuman and it makes my anxiety go up. Do you feel a similar way or had a similar situation?
aspergers
how do you treat both conditions? I have tried stimulant medication like a form of ritalin XR but I feel like it makes my OCD flare up really bad, even on a low dose despite it helping marginally with focus I am thinking of trying a non-stimulant option like strattera Any experience with this?/ any other medications? Thanks
OCD
I was reading something on autistic parents and notice similarities of his behavior. I notice how he doesn’t have many friends and acts strange at times. He can communicate with people and have fun with people when he is out but his behavior towards his family is kinda odd at times. Like he would yell and get mad when he woke up throw a minor tantrum like a child about doing stuff and act child like. He would sometimes make me go get groceries or get food because he didn’t felt like or know what to get. One thing to note he had a brain injury due to a motorcycle accident. Before I was born and he had to have therapy and forgot who he was for a short period. So this could explain his child like behavior but I have heard my mom and grandmother that he was kinda treat like a child and did a lot of shit for him when he was younger. I’m kinda afraid to ask my grandmother this question because she could tell something I didn’t want to hear.
aspergers
I’ve found bits of advice here and there (and noticed that a lot of posts on here reference the importance between protein/fats and your medication?) but I would love to know more. Unfortunately, while I love my doctor and my therapist and thank the stars for them because they changed my life, for some reason they aren’t good resources for this. There is a LOT of advice online, but as you probably know, I find the multitude of articles overwhelming and tend to short circuit after a quick look. In case it matters- I was diagnosed last year, I’m taking Adderall and I’m a woman in my late twenties. If anyone has a resource that they love, please feel free to share!
ADHD
To those of you celebrating Thanksgiving, I hope you’re able to either get through it fast, or enjoy every minute of it! To those who don’t, I hope today goes just as perfect for you! You’ve been through enough lately and deserve the break. To the powers that be anywhere out there, I hope it gifts you with an adventurous or relaxing day! Not really ADHD related but I wanted to let you all know someone is out here cheering you on. I’m gonna be bored today so drop a comment about how your days going and I’ll do my best to respond! Support or otherwise ❤️
ADHD
I currently just got punched in the gut (metaphorically), and now my OCD is just wilding out again. I've been generally in control of it, and I could be better if I took more care of myself, but right now, everything that I've managed to ignore is suddenly piling on me and telling me I've done everything wrong. I'm afraid I did something that had me turn into something I fear. I hate it. It makes me feel empty inside, and completely lost. But at the same time, my mind is still actively telling me (rational mind) that it's just another lie, and one that I already expected to come. I remind myself that I know what OCD is, how it works, and how easy it is to betray you even if you do everything it wants you to do. OCD will never be calmed, and every rumination, every ritual, every compulsion, every tic, every panic attack- is all just fodder, and OCD will take that entire metaphorical file filled with finished rituals and say, "Actually, I believe all of these are wrong. You did something wrong in this folder. Look through the hundreds of documents again. Do all the rituals again. You messed up, I'm sure. Find the issue that I'm expecting or I won't leave you alone." What's to say OCD will leave me alone after that, or the one after that? It won't. OCD never stopped, in all the 10 years I've had it. So right now, I'm frankly... angry. Very angry. Not in the way where I want to attack something or break something, but where I feel my world falling inwards like a black hole. Maybe the majority of the pain is coming from feeling like I've lost a streak, that I messed up on becoming better. But the reality is, I am better. There's only reality, and there's falsehood. OCD is falsehood, always asking for me to bring it food when there is never food to find. Reality is the me, the real me, the one who knows the truth, the truth that I've always been safe. There's no dancing on two equal sides, no. OCD is inferior. I am superior to my OCD. OCD is not me. I am not my OCD. OCD lies. I do not. OCD is evil. I am not. OCD is scary. I am not. OCD is danger. I am not. I am safe, very safe, extremely safe, and possibly would be grand if I were to finally let go of this clingy OCD weakling gnawing at my back. I guess this is kind of a long way of just displacing my frustrations and thoughts onto text. Kind of like when someone writes an angry email at their boss without sending it. Of course, this is posted because it's about OCD. Anyways, I guess I should just try to sleep it off. I sometimes feel much better after a good night sleep. I feel the need to try to displace my feelings onto buying something or drinking liquor (I don't drink normally), but I resist the urges because I know these actions don't help long-term. I'll just breathe and remind myself that I am me and I am safe. I'll remind myself that I'm handsome, that my mom loves me, that I'm good at drawing, and that I can survive this.
OCD
I'm depressed. I have been since high school. I recognize it in hindsight, having slept through nearly my entire junior year. Though, acknowledging it doesn't feel right. It feels more like an excuse I've conjured to hide apathy or laziness. In fact, I'm not lazy. I work 8-5, or 6, or 7, or 5am in the morning. I've worked side jobs simultaneously for a decade. I'm the single mother of a young, only child. 3 jobs, 4, 5, I've been there. I am there. I'm in hiding. Suffering from smiling depression or high functioning depression perhaps.  My coworkers, network, acquaintances, and surface friends have no clue ... at least, I don't think they do. The part I play is well rehearsed. When my public facade begins to crack, I go into hiding. I have a moderately successful career, an active social presence, and a kempt appearance. I've spoken about my thoughts with two family members. The only two I've got. They have their own lives, wants, concerns,  priorities. We are close and we are not close. I hardly sleep. 3am triggers my internal alarm. When I do find rest, I sleep for hours on end. For 20 years, I hardly ate. Once I began, I started binging. I gained 20 lbs in a month. I've been smoking for 20 years and it feels like the least of my problems. I question every inch of everything, study, research, over analyze. I spend hours, full days and/or nights sometimes, searching for answers to problems that just won't quit. I do so without breaks. It's madness really. I dwell on things for far too long. Unable to let go. Unable to move on. I obsess. It's 2am right now. Tonight's topic is depression. Am I depressed? If I write it out, will I be able to see it? Believe it? Find an answer? I've thought about suicide. I've made no plans, nothing concrete anyhow, but I have thought about the how. I've thought about some of the things I'll need to take care of first - for my daughter. On that note, I'll never leave her. Never, never, never, never, never. I wouldn't dare harm her in this way. I would never jeopardize her health, happiness, and potential. I love her more than words. I will sacrifice my all. Thoughts of suicide merely serve as a temporary escape. A moment of reprieve - damn this is fucked up. I do not have insurance. I do not qualify for Medicaid and I cannot afford coverage in addition to living and child care costs. I do this alone. It would be nice to speak with someone but... ah well. Some of my other posts reveal that I am a survivor of domestic violence. I've been fighting to maintain my daughter's saftey in court for years. The system is broken and I am perpetually afraid. I still think about how we'll escape if her father ever shows up with a gun. My mother is numb. Void of emotion or concern. Hell, she allowed me to sleep through that junior year without a word. She saw no issue leaving me (17) in LA with a 60 year old roommate who insisted on "holding my hand." Her lack of action is not intentional. It is a condition of her upbringing. I housed and cared for my abusive, alcoholic, sick and dying father for 8 years. I did so while I worked and attended school. I remember sitting up nights listening to him cough. I sat alone with him as he died. I sang him out. I began my young adult life on the street with a group of "lost boys" after witnessing the accidental death of a friend. We found food, warmth, and shelter in various places. We stuck together. This may have been the only time in my life I felt safe. Homeless and safe - Ha! I was surrounded by people I could trust and depend on. I never quit ... never. I triumphed through it all. I rose, and rose, and rose. I educated myself, worked obsessively, and launched my career. I've given the sun, moon, and stars to my amazing child. I've safeguarded her thus far at the expense of my sanity. 👆 These posts are attached to another (less anonymous) account. I've mentioned suicide here and I wouldn't dare allow for a slip that would cost me my child. So, yes, it's clear why I suffer. I'm just tired and desperately sad. Perhaps, another devastating life trial is the answer. Too busy, to beaten, and to fraught to dwell in sadness is the best headspace for me. I could use some help. - Love waves from me to you
depression
ROCD has taken over my life in the worst ways. I thought that I was winning the fight but I am now seeing how much I am losing it. It’s taken over my relationships with people. I question everyone around me. When my mind has a question, I become a private investigator, and then I interrogate everyone until I feel comfortable. It’s always a temporary relief. No one around me feels as if I don’t trust them. Is it my insecurities? Is it my OCD? Rhetorical questions here, as we all know that it’s one playing off the other. I am desperate. I don’t think that I’ll ever have anything meaningful unless I am cured. Maybe not even then. I know that I’m not the only who lives with this craziness, and that others have beat this. I have hope.
OCD
So I don't know if it's just me, but I have OCD related to hand-washing and cleaning (coupled with dyshidrotic eczema it makes my life hell, currently taking SSRI). Besides that, I find that I also have a tendency to sort things in the neatest way possible, especially for computer files. I have a ton of bookmarks in my Chrome browser, and I always take a painstakingly long time to sort them into different categories and put them in different folders, and it always bugs me when there's a file that can't be sorted into any current folders so I just open a new one, or when I put a folder that have a sub-folder together with a file in the same folder (hope it's not too confusing). Wikipedia has different sections, so sometimes the URL becomes e.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reddit#History, and I always make sure that the bookmark I save is of the page itself, not of a section of the page with the #History part in it. Of course, I also always both sort them so the bookmarks from the same website are together, and then I sort their names in alphabetical order. For documents and books I sort them into different plastic files and make sure they are highly accessible. Whenever there's a mess, I can't go on with my day without it bugging my mind. Just wanna ask if these things are related or not?
OCD
Like if I have a few options on what to do in a situation, I can't see beyond the first choice. I can't know how I feel once the first choice is executed, so I can't know what my second choice will be. Like taking a trip, starts by deciding where to go... but I can't know WHEN until I've decided where. And sometimes I can't decide where, until I've decided when, putting me in a catch 22. This goes for everything. If I have to do two things in one day, I can't decide on doing the one thing before the other or vice versa. Sometimes I just have to postpone one by laying in bed until I compulsively fly out of bed, and rush to the post office to pick up my package. Prescription drugs will have to wait til tomorrow then! Does anyone else feel this way? It reminds me of the Matrix Reloaded scene, where the oracle says something like 'you've already made the choice, now you have to understand it'. Not sure if that relates, but I feel like I'm not really in control of myself sometimes, and it's the id making the choices and I just spring into life at the very last moment to carry them out.
aspergers
This is my first post on r/ptsd. I was diagnosed with ptsd from my work as a first responder. I have been working on stabilization with my therapist so far. I think I've gotten myself into a pretty good routine that keeps me in my window of tolerance. The amount of times I've had to resort to clonazepam to calm myself has decreased. The other day while grocery shopping I heard a "code 66" being called over the PA system. I never heard that code before but I could tell my the tone of the voice it was an emergency call. I immediately felt like I had just heard the pager/tones go off. I froze for a few seconds (felt like forever) debating if I should intervene or just standby. Of course the part of me that made me become a first responder won't let me standby and not do anything. So I dropped my cart and went searching. Turns out that is was not a serious emergency and already being handled by staff and an off duty RN. I still did a proper assessment of the situation and patient. I felt meek and dumbfounded while talking. Like it was my very first Rideout as a student. Afterwards I felt like a was in a daze and had so many of my hyperarousal symptoms. Luckily I was heading to my therapist appointment immediately afterwards. I almost swerved off the road while driving by over reacting to someone crossing into my lane. My therapist successfully brought me back into my window. Made me really appreciate his expertise. I was critical of myself. "If I can't handle a minor emergency how am I ever going to handle a real one again" he said to me "as soon as the announcement was made you were triggered. You didn't know it was minor. Could have been a massive heart attack. You still responded anyway. Your body could not tell the difference". Just wanted to share that with you guys. I'm discovering new things about myself everyday. The next time I doubt my injury I'll use that situation to remind myself. Don't minimalize your trauma/feelings just because you feel the need to be strong to help others. I know I will always respond no matter what. I cannot stand by and do nothing. But maybe one day I'll be able to do it without being triggered. A lot of work a head for me.
ptsd
Just need someone to talk to. I’ve burned every other bridge. Feeling hopeless.
depression
Hi. So I’ve realized that I think I have adhd. I’m not going to go into depth because frankly it’ll just read like another “I think I may have adhd” post to which people will respond “see a psychiatrist”. And the thing is that I’m trying. Every single fucking psychiatrist is booked until late January. Some aren’t even accepting new patients. What the fuck. How is is that the 10 fucking psychiatrists I’ve called in this tiny town tell me “sorry can’t help u best of luck xoxo”. I need help now, I’m so fucking tired of feeling like a failure, I’m so tired of forgetting things that I shouldn’t, I’m so tired of sitting down and not being able to focus on what’s in front of me, I’m so tired of getting side tracked and living my life with such a disorganization and feeling like my own worst enemy because I can’t get anything down and I’m just standing in my own way. Ugh. How is it that they say there’s too many specialists in medicine when I can’t see a literal specialist??? How does that make any sense???
ADHD
I had an episode of rumination today, that then strengthened in intensity, then come all at once and the only thing I could feel in the entire episode was wild confusion and lack of understanding what, if anything was going on with me. It caused me to burst out crying like a baby for a while. What helped was calling my brother and telling him that I was confused. It felt like what dementia must feel like I assume and was horrifying to go through. This isn't normal for PTSD is it?
ptsd
I understand the thoughts and feelings, the numbness, the misery, and the pain. When you’re depressed, it’s easy to be “selfish” as it all overwhelms you, and you focus mainly on the internal factors in the CBT triangle (thoughts influence feelings influence behaviors influence thoughts…). But what would an outside force see as depression takes its toll on you? Imagine a friend, family member, deity, or even a fly on the wall watching you. For example, I’ll start to text friends less, push people away, and stay at home as much as possible. Eye contact with others becomes tough, painful even. Hygiene goes out the window for the most part. Then my temperament changes, I’m sad, numb, or sometimes angry a lot (sometimes it’s a reasonable feeling for the situation, sometimes not) and other people pick up on that. My focus on work or hobbies diminishes. My last bastion of hope is showering daily, with only a missed day here or there due to external factors. The only times I’ve went two days without showering were when I’m in a really deep pit. I’m still showering every day, but I’ve been home all day and almost skipped it, so I know it’s starting to slip. Does anyone else experience a similar trend?
depression
Hey all, Not sure if my experience is congruent with other's experience. But my 10mg Ritalin LA, I think, only lasted about 6 hours, and the comedown left me anxious and irritable. I did take the meds on a very empty stomach and early in the morning. It felt like I only got a couple good hours of the effects near the end. Will the comedown always be unpleasant or will I get used to that? Will a higher dose last longer? Will an LA dose last longer if I take it on a full stomach? Is 10mg a high enough dose for a 200+ lbs person? Today was my first day but I am a little disappointed in the results right now. Thanks for your help!
ADHD
I have anxiety, that I know. But I never talked about ADHD with my therapist. I feel that ADHD is very relatable, but I don't know how to separate my anxiety symptoms from others. So my question is, do any of you have anxiety and ADHD, and what symptoms were due to anxiety and which to ADHD. I would really appreciate your answers
ADHD
I've done a lot of research regarding adhd and I display alot, if not all of the symptoms of it. But when i tell people about my theory, they dismiss me because I "don't seem adhd" or they "don't think I have adhd" it's so frustrating!!!! I don't know how to convince people that my problems are just as valid as those who display their symptoms openly. I've read into masking and how that works and that's been something I've done for years in order not to upset those around me. It's just really upsetting that people think they know me better than I do.
ADHD
I’m not sure if I belong here for sure but lots of people on Reddit and IRL are telling me I’m showing signs of PTSD (I’m working on talking to a psychiatrist about it but getting the courage to do so is hard, especially when I’m still trying to get everything organized finance wise for my baby in the NICU). So, I had my baby at 27 weeks due to severe pre eclampsia. My baby weighed under 2 lbs at birth. This is my first baby so I wasn’t sure what symptoms to look out for, especially since I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to get bad swelling at 25-26 weeks (I had to wear wide footed shoes and didn’t think it was worrisome). The day before I went to the hospital, I was up all night in severe pain. My whole body hurt and pain pills wouldn’t relieve the pain. I took a shower and it stopped the pain temporarily but as soon as I got out, the pain started up again. I could only get some relief when I stuck a pillow under me and laid down in child’s pose. I probably only slept 30 minutes that night. The next day I started work and was chatting during a meeting with my co workers. I was still in pain and my head started throbbing like crazy. It was the worst headache I’ve ever had and I have had some pretty bad migraines in the past. My co worker told me to take my blood pressure just to be safe, so I did that after the meeting. It was 116/129. My husband was at work during this time so I texted him that I was going to run to the hospital real quick because the nurse help line told me to come get checked out to make sure I’m ok. I get to the hospital and instead of talking to a nurse, the nurse puts me in a wheelchair, gives me a wristband, and suddenly I’m in a hospital room and in a gown. I tell my husband to hurry and come when he can because I’m scared and don’t know what’s happening. The nurses started me on magnesium sulfate for my blood pressure but they didn’t want to tell me what was wrong without the doctor. The main nurse who was taking care of me knew I was terrified and she told me “the only thing I’m allowed to tell you is that you’re most likely going to be transferred to a hospital 3 hours away in a bit” The doctor was just finishing up delivering a baby at the time. It’s a smaller rural hospital so there was only one doctor on duty at the time I think (I’m sure the others were on call but idk). I’m panicking and texting everyone in my family. The doctor comes in and tells me I have record breaking blood pressure for a pregnant woman that’s he’s seen. He confirms I’m being transferred to a hospital that deals with NICU babies better than here because this baby most likely is coming soon. My husband comes in at that time and the doctor helps re assure him because he’s freaking out. I get stabilized and then the life flight team comes in and gets me all ready to go. My husband is trying not to cry while he’s watching me and I see the tears in his eyes when he kisses me bye. I fly to the new hospital. My husband drives to me. I’m hooked up to a million different monitors and nurses come in every hour to check on me. At this point I can barely move. I need help getting in and out of bed. I can’t put socks on and I can barely pull my underwear up. I’m told by multiple doctors that this baby is either coming today or seven weeks from now. For a couple days I feel a lot better. They gave me pills that helped stabilize me and keep the pain at bay. Then, about a week later, the pain started up again. It was worse this time. And I was so swollen I couldn’t even wipe my own butt. My skin was so smooth from the swelling it was insane. The nurse at the time was so nice and she tried to help distract me from the pain by talking to me until my husband came back (he had to leave for a few days for work but took more time off cuz my condition was slowly worsening). My husband had just gotten there and an hour later, I said I was having pain in my right rib cage. It hurt when they put pressure on it. Suddenly the nurse left and a storm of doctors came in to prep me for surgery. My husband got in that suit for a c section and I was taken into the OR to get ready for the c section. I was in so much pain. I was so scared. I felt like I was going to die. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I felt so terrible and I was certain that death was close for me and my baby. I was so terrified that I wasn’t even crying. The nurses kept telling me how calm I seemed even though I kept repeating “no I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know what’s about to happen to me”. Apparently I kept saying it so calmly they just didn’t believe me. I was really sad and happy to see my baby. I was sad because I felt as though I failed as mother because he was born so early. I was happy to see my baby kicking and screaming when he was so young. After I was all sewn up, I was taken back to my room and I vaguely remember my husband and a nurse cleaning me up because the doctors forgot to give me a pill to stop my...bowls movements. I hate that that happened to me tbh. I feel ashamed for that even though it’s not my fault. And I was shaking so badly from the ice cold water I was begging for and from the medicine. I could barely hold my cup because of how intense the shaking was. Everything feels so fuzzy after that tbh. I think I was mostly asleep. There’s a lot of blank moments from my time in the hospital. I think I immediately started being effected by post partum depression or something. People kept telling me it wasn’t my fault that I got pre eclampsia because it’s my placentas fault but I have not stopped blaming myself for it. My baby is in the NICU because my body failed me. I feel as though I’ve failed as a mother. I still cry sometimes when I pump. I cry in the NICU seeing him in all those tubes. I have cried in front of multiple pregnant women because I am incredibly jealous that they get to experience a full pregnancy and I don’t. I’m jealous that their body didn’t fail them. I have to force myself to go to the NICU. I don’t want to go. I just want to ignore it all, as horrible as that may seem. I’m all alone most of the time in the city where my baby is. My husband travels back and forth for work now. I’m so lonely and I feel like my whole family has been ripped apart and it’s all my fault. I’m constantly saying sorry when someone drives over three hours to come and help me with something because I have nobody else to help me (and I can’t lift more than 10 lbs for a month). I just feel like a shitty human being for everything that’s happened. If I don’t belong here than let me know. I’m just trying to find some more support tbh while I try to build up the courage to talk to a professional
ptsd
When i told my therapist about my ocd diagnosis, she said shes not gonna treat my ocd directly. So no erp or anything cus she thinks even entertaining the ocd at all will make it worse
OCD
Fuk this My parents just fully convinced me everything is my fault. Whenever they find my old classmates or any affiliations I had before. Telling me how they are varsities, matured looking, smarter, has jobs. Fuk u I never wished to be like this If yall asses didnt strangled my neck off and kept me in the house in my CHILDHOOD. Didnt actually stopped me from going with my friends then MAYBE my social skills are good. Im a guy with adhd, ptsd and extremely bad social anxiety and yall expect me to be as good as them? Then there is this asshole of a father who uses me as his personal fuking shit talk trash bin. What am I just some insult machine? Can you atleast stop telling me to have PERFECT GRADES or HIGH GRADES because do you have any idea mentioning those will just trigger my fucking ptsd. I can NEVER explain my side because MY PARENTS are the absolute right and they were never wrong. My fucking grades is now so bad and Im scared to tell my parents because they will FUCK me up without realizing my fucking adhd. Oh and I cannot tell them my adhd either. " Oh, shut up ur just being dramatic its not a real thing, ur born with no mental illness ". OK? " Oh ur just being so dramatic, calm the fuck down " Then u will be glad I was suffering gerd and not a cardiac problem. Oho why can't u act matured. Fucking shut up, This is inside the house you fucking expect me to be a crackhead in public? must be fun at parties. " Look at them be like them why are u so wierd ". Then go fucking adopt those people why are u telling me u want them instead. " Why are u so bad in school now, where are the honors and medals u had before u lazy shit ". Maybe u could shut the f up and find me a remedy for my adhd huh. I wish I could say more. But Im fucking through. If there was a way dying is fast and painless Im gone years ago.
depression
I am 16 weeks pregnant and my doctors are totally okay with me continuing to take my medication so I am still fully medicated but my ADHD seems so amplified. I have 1 daughter and I don’t remember this being an issue when I was pregnant with her (I was fully medicated for that pregnancy too). Right now I have so many bills to pay, errands to run, things to clean and put away and it’s been hours and I haven’t done anything. I want to do these things so bad. I have been telling myself I just need a free day to get these things done and now my husband has taken my daughter out for the day and I’m just doing nothing. It’s been like this for months. Usually I take my medication and it helps me so much but it’s not making a difference anymore. Has anyone experienced this before.
ADHD
I’ve done some research (just google searches) on if and how video games can help with depressive episodes (which i’m in right now, not my first, i’m bipolar II, but possibly my worst). I’ve found good information that video games can help alleviate symptoms of depression like loneliness, disconnection, lack of feeling worthy, lack of accomplishment, and more. I’m not a big gamer, but I have found that playing really does help and also takes my mind away from everything else. Has anyone experienced this? or used video games as a coping mechanism?
depression
I’m 17 and I always act in very immature ways. A lot of people think it’s an act but like deadass I’m just a very immature person. Throughout all of elementary, middle, and highschool I’ve always gotten along better with people 1 year younger than me and I always clicked perfectly with people 2 years younger than me. I have friends my age but I always feel just a little behind them mature-wise. Is anyone else like this?
ADHD
so now I've spent like a week making an impossible amount of information fit neatly and clearly into a small space and I'm behind on everything else. 😭 I got an extension and the extension is up. Have another assignment due soon and haven't even started. Feeling so stuck, so overwhelmed, so hopeless. Not sure how to proceed
ADHD
So I recently turned 18 and decided to get on top of my mental health- primarily regarding anxiety issues (not crippling, but it was bothering me) I was writing down notes of my symptoms throughout the years, and I recalled a time period (probably 3-6th grade somewhere between then) where my brain would force myself to do an action a certain number of times, often accompanied with the thought “do it or this person will die” or some sick shit like that. There was other stuff like using a certain hand or whatever I did on the left side of my body I had to do on the right. There were a myriad of other intrusive thought patterns. Sometimes I could force myself to ignore my brain, but it was hard Sorry if those are typical OCD symptoms, I’m seriously having multiple epiphanies. Thought some of it was normal. However to get to the point, I don’t suffer from those type of thoughts (certain numbers, etc) anymore. I still have intrusive and ruminating thoughts, although manageable at times, my anxiety has worsened through the years though. Can someone explain how OCD and Anxiety are related? I think those intrusive OCD thoughts manifested into anxiety as I got older.
OCD
Now I know I'm not a crazy guy and that thousands of others suffer with the same condition I do. Feels so good to finally be understood haha
OCD
I didn’t want children because they make me super sad. I mourn the childhood I never had every time I see a happy little munchkin running around. I hope I can get over this and be a good mom sometime.
ptsd
I know this effects alot of us struggle with noise in a variety of ways and I'm curious what sounds trigger different people, how and have you found anything that helps? For me I can, and quite enjoy, going into a nightclub and dancing the night away. For me I just lose myself in the music and find it a fantastic release so it's obviously not loud noises that bother me. What do however are: 1. Rapidly repetitive noises like if someone texts you short texts quickly one after another (my gf used to do this until I got her to write full messages instead of single sentences). 2. Things like fire alarms where you can hear multiple klaxons but they're hitting you at different times. It just becomes a cacophony that makes my head feel like it's exploding. 3. Being in a crowded room and trying to focus on a single voice is just exhausting. ​ There are probably others but can't think of them right now.
aspergers
I wonder if anyone knows any movies related to OCD, or does any character with OCD. Thanks!
OCD
extra flair: DAE, Advice and help 😅 Thinking of whether I should tell my T, I’ve dissociated again and luckily this time I only lost 5 mins whereas before I had lost 5 hours. It was like a full on black out, I was going to do a Covid test of course and I had (guiltily) put it off for a few days because of how it makes me feel (feels awful up the nose for me). I find that I set it out in front of me and then everything is in a different place and my Covid test is done. I can’t access what happened at all. Except I know I did it because I feel the sensation up my nose still you know? I’m confused and could use some support 😅 and does anyone else get this? Thank you!
ptsd
TLDR: 34yr old woman of color. I had trouble finding help locally, and when I finally did, they gave me antidepressants and didn’t really believe my ADHD. So I booked online with Cerebral, and my first meetings with a therapist and a prescriber went really great! Picking up meds today. I live in Massachusetts so your experience may vary based on your location. I believe they do match professionals to patients by state. I’ve seen posts on here asking about others’ experiences with the Cerebral App so I wanted to share mine. Also I live in the Boston, MA area, which I have searched Reddit for Boston ADHD doctor suggestions without finding anything. Maybe this will help someone else here. A month ago: I searched locally for an appointment and was so discouraged trying to find an office that would even answer the phone. A lot of MA offices are still working remotely, and scheduling is fully booked out. With ADHD you know how frustrating it is leaving voicemails & filling out request forms online to hear nothing back! As a well-known ADHD YouTuber says, “ADHD Treatment is NOT ADHD Friendly” I FINALLY got a telehealth appointment with a male prescriber from a large Boston-area neurobehavioral office, and of course, he was quick to give me antidepressants (Prozac) but told me I had to jump through hoops to get ADHD meds (of ANY kind, didn’t even offer non-stimulants to start) Honestly I felt dismissed and like he didn’t even believe me. I had to go get a cardiac clearance from a primary care doc, find a therapist (because their in-office therapists were fully booked across the whole network) and reach out to previous clinics who had treated my ADHD in the past to send my records over—fair enough, but still such a hassle for an ADHD brain. I forgot to mention, I’d been diagnosed before! This process was so overwhelming as a self-employed person without insurance. He also made it clear their “policy” is to stick tightly to the DSM-V for diagnosis. I was very discouraged at this point because if you read up enough about Adult ADHD in women you know many of our symptoms don’t fit the mold. He did encourage me to keep advocating for myself, however. It felt like even the prescriber knows he works for this big behemoth psych practice that works off of policies and checklists, but that his own hands were tied to that. I begrudgingly accepted the Prozac prescription because I was desperate for ANYTHING to help. And, honestly I AM depressed and anxious (common comorbidities of ADHD). Two weeks in, I felt some changes to my mood, but absolutely nothing for my productivity. Basically I used to feel like crap for having no motivation, and now I’m feeling less like crap …about still having no motivation. I had a one-month follow up appointment coming up, but a month felt like way too long to carry on like this. I have been missing a lot of work while dishes, bills and laundry pile up around the house. So I decided to look for a second opinion. I kept seeing Cerebral pop up on Google, but I was skeptical because of how simple they made it sound. I figured, I don’t have insurance anyway, so the $99 first month trial ($325/mo after that includes weekly therapy) wasn’t any worse than paying $200 for a second opinion at a local psychiatric office, no therapy included. Maybe at least if I’m unhappy they can match me with somebody else. It was a bit of a wait to find an opening. I think the earliest I could see a therapist was a week out, and the prescriber was about a week and a half out. It was still faster than I could find locally. Therapy appointment: The initial meeting with my therapist was amazing. I felt like she already understood me. Thankfully I was able to get matched with another woman of color as a therapist, and she already connected with my family background and cultural relationship with mental health treatment. I look forward to continuing to work with her. Today / Prescriber appointment: I hit a bump in the road yesterday with scheduling since the initial prescriber had a technical problem with her calendar and thought she was double-booked. By the time she realized it actually WAS my time slot, the time had already passed. It was very annoying, but I called customer service and they were very helpful and able to find me somebody new the very next day! This morning I met with my prescriber for the first time, and she was immediately VERY understanding of my struggle. She mentioned how people shouldn’t have to have these big elaborate stories about why they need help, when they really just should get the help. She believed me from the beginning and already understood ADHD in women. She asked about my experience with ADHD meds in the past and recommended a low dose of Adderall to start because apparently it can work very well hand in hand with SSRI’s and they can tend to boost each other up. That explains why my high Adderall dose I was on before with an SSRI put me in zombie mode and made me want to stop taking it! She said Adderall has been out a long time, has been one of the most studied, is usually effective, and a good place to start off. She sent my prescription to my local pharmacy to pick up later today! I finally felt seen and heard and can’t wait to continue on this treatment journey. I know other people have mentioned a waiting-period for stimulant meds, so I’m assuming that’s a state by state thing, or perhaps since I already got a cardiac clearance, had been on an antidepressant already, and had prior experience with Adderall we were able to move forward. I can’t promise that Cerebral will be the same experience for everyone, but I finally feel a ray of hope for the first time in a long time! Good luck to everyone still struggling to get the help you need. Please don’t give up. I hope this helps encourage somebody to keep trying to get treatment.
ADHD
I have HOCD and I find it’s really similar to the way I respond to social anxiety. I’m just winding down this useless path where I try to figure out if I did the “right” thing or not. I find people without OCD experience stuff like this but not over anything specific. Would that just be GAD?
OCD
The title says it all but she keeps reading DSM5 to her 20k+ followers & a lot of the people in her comments are asking if they’re autistic & she always tells them that they are.
aspergers
So my parents decided to get cleaners recently. I’m away at college and come home on the weekends. With that I also like to get rid of stuff or just do stimulating stuff. Well we all have out rooms that are wicked messy but only to the untrained eye. My mess was organized stuff everywhere but I knew where it was. The cleaning people came during the week while I was in classes to do their initial clean. We’ve had cleaners in the past do this and my door remained closed during those ones. However apparently my parents thought it was a marvelous idea to keep my door open and have them clean it. I know now that I can’t find some of my things I had left for when I came back as a reminder. Wow is it difficult to find things though. My dad when I told him this just told me to calm down and that they don’t throw things away. I don’t care about that I care about me not knowing what I was thinking about last time I was home. I couldn’t even find one of my passed away cats paw prints which is painful because they touched my things that didn’t even need to be touched. It was on a shelf that was organized even for my neurotypical family.
ADHD
Does anyone experience this or has experienced this theme? I think I may be shifting I to this theme but I'm not sure if it's OCD or it it's what I really feel. I'm relatively new to OCD (only been diagnosed for about a month) and I'm still having trouble distinguishing what is my OCD and what is not and what I need to be doing exposures on. Please respond here or PM if you can help. I would greatly appreciate it.
OCD
I have been in Spain for just over a month now as a part of a 1-semester Erasmus stay. I met a girl 2 weeks ago while practicing sports (I will leave out specifics for obvious reasons). Suffice to say that I feel that there is mutual interest. This is all new to me, it's the first time it's happened and the time I've spent with this girl has been incredible. From lowering my social anxiety to just making my day. But not to be distracted any further, the first time we met after exercising together was somewhere very calm and serene, looking out over the city. And now to the primary topic of this post: eye contact. I know eye contact is a disaster for many people with ADHD, idk if we're all like this XD. I'm really starting to like this girl A LOT now and I've noticed, to my own annoyance, that I am unable to maintain eye contact with her when I'm talking to her or even when she's talking to me sometimes. I'm starting to feel like I'm not giving her the right signals. Any idea how I could train this or work on this? Because everytime she smiles my heart just melts.
ADHD
I’ve been diagnosed with depression since I was 7. I got good grades in school but I procrastinated everything until last minute even thought it would linger and nag at me all day and all night. Fast forward to today, im on anti depressants and it has helped with my mood. But I still experience anxiety and spacey ness. I have been in multiple arguememts with my family about not doing things I need to do. And it fucking sucks. I can’t remember anything. I have no motivation most days either. I try to explain it to them but it just sounds like I’m immature and defiant. It hurts me because I am trying so fucking hard. I also impulse spend. Im so broke and I can’t stop spending money. Come to find out, it’s ADHD. Im nervous about stimulants because they just scare me. I feel alone and I don’t really know where to go from here.
ADHD