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I know its probably bad to think of it this way, but I struggle to get work done due to needing it to be perfect. I've noticed that if I take a shot before I sit down to study it helps me just power through it. Same with social experiences, if I sip on a beer it helps calm me down. Because I absolutely detest getting blackout I tend to just keep a slight buzz. Does anyone else have similar experiences?
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OCD
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I'm worried about being reported which prevents me from opening up or makes me a very unreliable narrator while hindering progress.
Also, it seems like my fears are very concrete and don't want to confront them especially if it blows up in public here.
What can I do? I found a therapist I feel I can relate with (mainly due to same religion so I think I'm willing to actually open, problem is, he's expensive and very far away). I'm actually linked with an OCD and even have a scholarship so my rate is extremely affordable but like I said, I haven't been opening up too well (actually I opened up with 1 but getting anotherand will be seeing another soon if I choose to stay with them).
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OCD
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Hey yall!
I suffer from severe Pure-O, centered around physical illness and the fear of being psychotic/schizophrenic. I've had poor sleep for a number of years, but especially since the schizo fear took hold two months ago, I'm in a constant state of fear of hypnagogic hallucinations, which I only had occasionally in the past.
Now I get them multiple times a week and I'm afraid to go to sleep because they just force me to jerk myself back awake and monitor my mind as I fall asleep, which only leads to more stress and sleep problems. Does anyone have any experiences coping with this?
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OCD
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Can people learn how to cope with something that triggers panic attacks? Besides avoidance.
I posted a few days ago but it was unfocused.
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ptsd
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Just wanted to share a kind post I think ? Even if Im dealing with theme and dealt with a lot since Im aware of having intrusive thought Im happy there is a reddit for this and that we’re a community cause I have meet and talk to a lot of person here and other specific OCDtheme reddit and it’s just heartwarming to know that we are not alone going through all this shit and Im happy I can help some people as they do the same for me cause before I knew it
, I was just anxious as fuck and though I was alone and becoming crazy lol, sometimes I’m just wondering how my brain can work this way but at the end of the day I just know that I have to accept this (even if sometimes It can be hard) and deal with this cause it’s a part of myself and I will grow up like this so
Right now in relation to theme Im going through I feel 10x better than at the beginning I still have my bad days but I know I can cope with this !
So I just wanted to say whatever the theme you’re going through you’re not alone, it will get better and also take time for the recovery but never give up on your thoughts, as my therapist said it’s normal sometimes that we can’t know what is the true cause we pay so much attention to our though it ends up "merging" with ourselves but recovery is possible so don’t forget this !
I wish the best for all the people here and really don’t forget you’re not alone and we can’t become our thought if they go against our value ! 💓
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OCD
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My contamination OCD is starting to take over my life and is sending me into huge panic attacks. I was wondering if anybody else has or is going through this as well and if you had any tips.
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OCD
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Idk if this is an aspie thing or just something else about me. But I always feel extremely jealous of... damn near everyone that exists. I always find some reason to be bitter that someone has something I don't have, even if that something isn't so obvious to others. It just seems everyone else has things that I don't, and I have little to nothing to offer anyone in terms of being friends with me etc.
It sucks to live life this way, but I can't help it. It essentially ruled my life for years before I had the guts to admit it. It made me so withdrawn because I felt I was inferior to everybody else, and I was afraid to even reach out to anybody.
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aspergers
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Can OCD thoughts go away for a couple days then spike back up
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OCD
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Recently I’ve been having nightmares about how I see myself in the future dealing with my ptsd. I see two versions. One version is successful and is physically healthy but rarely every actually happy even with therapy. And the other version was successful but is now stuck in a loop of drugs and gambling although she is actually happy even if it’s just for a while because of the drugs. It scares me that I actually can’t tell which of the two is better because one gets me actually happy for just a couple seconds and the other is faking being happy all the time. I’m scared that if something happens to me and I’m brought to the hospital that they might give me drugs to help but that I might not end up stopping from using them. Does anyone know get this and what I can do to fix this ?
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ptsd
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Hey all. I’m 18f and just got my meds today! I’ve got a month supply of 20mg of Adderall XR. I’m terrified to take my first pill and I need a little support.
For a background, one of my parents has ADHD and does not take meds for it. They view it as a superpower and have largely managed to shape their environment to their standards. Hearing this recently has really made me feel guilty about opting to try medication. This same parent also told me that I don’t have ADHD (just your darn phone!) despite my doctor saying I do and report cards from second grade showing issues with executive function. Because of this, I’ve kept the fact that I have meds secret from them, although my other parents knows but they’re keeping completely out of this. I know it’s not a healthy environment.
I guess I’m just so worried that it won’t work, I’ll have a negative reaction to it (an espresso makes me jittery), or just find out that I don’t have ADHD and that I have in fact just faked everything. I feel so conflicted because I can live without meds, so why bother? Just curious w thoughts and advice you all have regarding anxiety around meds and dealing with anti-med family.
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ADHD
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I know there's other folks that can relate.
I'm looking for tips to turn down my volume. Sometimes it seems caused by ADHD excitement over the topic. Other times I feel like it's just a bad habit, because my family has been pointing it out at the most mundane times (I'm definitely not always excited about the topic.
I usually don't hear the extra loud volume unitl it's pointed out, but I've tried to get in the habit of asking myself was that too loud after the first sentence.
Now if I catch myself, I've started saying "sorry, that was loud" then continuing quietly.
But I don't seem to be able to start quiet.
I don't want to come across loud and obnoxious, yet here I am....
Yes I've had my hearing checked.
Does anyone have anecdotal advice?
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ADHD
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So some of you might’ve seen my post awhile back about wishing I could have ADHD meds working around the clock, and one of the biggest recomendations I got was to try straterra. I’ve done a some reasearch into it but I also want to hear from people who are actually on it. I’m going to talk to my psychiatrist about it during our next meeting this week to see what she thinks but I would have a lot more confidence going into that conversation knowing more from people who are actually on it. Right now I’m on concerta 36mg (was on 45 so a combo of the 27 and 18 pills but that confused the fuck out of my pharmacy so I just decided to say fuck it and drop down) and venlafaxine for MDD. I have a hard time taking my ADHD meds consistently sometimes because there aren’t really any tangible consequences for taking them late/skipping a day but it honestly might be good for me to be on something with withdrawal symptoms? I think that’s part of the reason I’m able to take my venlafaxine very regularly, the side effects for even missing my meds for a few hours are very weird and unpleasant so that’s been an amazing motivator for me to be on top of my shit and take them. I only had one time where I wasn’t able to take em for a few days and god just that was enough to get me on track. Besides this, like I said before I really just need some ADHD medication that will help me around the clock without making me lose sleep. Concerta does work really well for me while it’s active, which is why I’ve been so nervous to change it up, but the crash after sucks and makes it so hard to get things done around the house or get homework done after I get back from work/school.
I’m def not looking for legit medical advice or anything, just trying to see if anyone’s been in the same boat as me and if strattera helped that. Oh and one more question, is strattera a controlled substance like concerta is? Honestly the ease of not having to deal with the bs that comes with being on a controlled substance would make me even more inclined to try strattera.
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ADHD
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I (F, 29) had a flashback the other night. They're very distressing and I usually can't calm down for the rest of the day after I experience one. I couldn't stop crying and shaking, and wasn't really able to talk. My boyfriend (M, 30) knows I have PTSD, it's hard not to notice and I of course have told him, but we don't really talk about it. He didn't say anything and just held me, but I feel really uncomfortable about it now and don't know what to say. I told him yesterday "thank you for being nice to me last night and I'm sorry I was so upset," but I'm scared to elaborate. I feel like he needs to know what happened, and I have a really hard time talking to anyone about this stuff.
He doesn't know why I have PTSD, what happened to me, and I don't necessarily think I should tell him that either. Some of it is really disturbing so I don't want to burden him with it. How do you guys communicate with partners about what's going on? Like I feel like I need to tell him more about what I deal with and why I do certain things sometimes but it's scary to me.
We've been together almost two years, have talked about marriage and kids and I really see myself staying with him for the rest of my life if everything continues to go well - but I can't seem to bring myself to talk to him about the PTSD and I feel like it's important. It affects a lot of my life, and he doesn't ask about it which sometimes I'm grateful he doesn't, but other times I think he just doesn't want to know. If anyone has advice or maybe experience in dealing with this, how should I start a conversation about this or do I even say anything at all? How do I even explain a flashback to him or why I react in certain ways to seemingly trivial things?
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ptsd
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This is not that serious, because it’s just my dad. It still feels good to figure out _why_ before it’s a friend or date who doesn’t know me nearly as well.
I’ve had a _rough_ past couple of days. My dad and I speak on the daily, and we’re slowly building up the relationship we never had when I was a kid. He was always around, don’t get me wrong.
Well this weekend I called him to just talk but also to _talk_. He’s told me he’s always ready to listen if I have issues, which I do a lot atm with ADHD since it’s a new diagnosis. Well… It just sounded like he wasn’t really there when I was talking. Like he was bored and didn’t have a whole lot to offer.
That’s okay. I can only imagine how draining this must be for him too. So I pulled back yesterday and I once again had a really bad mental day. Work day was great and all.
He tried to call me but I let it ring cause I needed to cry it out. Today he’s texted me a couple of times throughout the work day about the psychologist I’m probably gonna start seeing. I didn’t have any answers, so I ignored them and worked instead.
I just got home and he texted me asking if I was gonna call today. I told him I’m tired rn and he said it didn’t have to be now at all. Whenever I wanted.
I really do appreciate his help so much. I’m just too exhausted and I want to do this psychologist thing on my own, gain some confidence in my own independence.
It’s just… I just pulled back and only for less than a day and suddenly he’s all attentive again? I do realise he could’ve just had a bad weekend but he said it was fine.
It’s not just him, this is just an on going example. It feels a bit like people want me to contact them less so they can contact me instead.
Advice? Thoughts? Experiences? A different perspective?
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ADHD
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I want some honest opinions on a person with OCD and GAD having family and kids and a normal life?
Some days I think I got it all under control and I’m ready to take the next step. Then for weeks at a time OCD sits me down on my ass and reminds me what a piece of shit I am. I need to be on top of things to have a kid and I can’t seem to find the right medication. Looking for opinions and experiences.
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OCD
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One little disagreement and I envision the worst possible outcome. The rumination starts and I look for every little insignificant reason we shouldn’t be together. I suppose it’s RSD, but it’s so frustrating and really makes being in a relationship hard. I know I love my girlfriend, but I hate how my adhd brain completely goes cold to her over the stupidest shit. The constant guilt I feel for emotionally turning off is an awful feeling…
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ADHD
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When my most recent theme of HOCD popped up last November, it was very obvious when I was spiraling and ruminating and having an episode, and when I was not. Now I'm not really sure what is real and what is OCD. Now it seems that all my thoughts are dark and cruel and inappropriate and the "good" days are harder to come by and not even good anymore. I have done so much testing and have undoubtedly caused damage to myself with how I have handled this theme, and I'm afraid I'll never be me again. I miss being able to be comfortable with my attractions and miss being able to daydream about dating. Now, everything sex and dating-related just makes me freak out and nauseous. I am not a huge fan of life right now. Just needed to vent.
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OCD
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Hi all, 23F. OCD started when I was 8. One of the many symptoms of OCD that I have is this thing that I'm very curious if anyone has ever dealt with, or something similar.
This is really hard to explain but if someone else does it they may get it. Does anyone else have to read every punctuation mark in text as its own thing? The way it started out for me was like this: If a sentence said *I have a cat, he is cute.* I would have to read it in my head as "I have a cat comma he is cute period."
Over the years it has turned more visual. I felt like I need to view every word and punctuation mark on a page "evenly" so to speak, it's so hard to put into words but if I don't focus on a punctuation mark separately from the words, the whole page feels out of balance. It's especially horrible with colons semicolons, those are my worst enemy.
I just want to be able to read book without it taking 3 hours for me to finish a chapter, my god. I do the same thing with shapes too. Grocery stores are my hell on earth because of all the words and logos and stuff surrounding me. I've spent so much time going up and down aisles and having to go back to items and visualize them correctly.
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OCD
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I drink coffee everyday and decided to buy some teeth whitening strips to get my teeth whiter.
After reading the "do not swallow any part of these strips" I am now having my heart beat out of my chest, sweating profusely and feeling like I may pass out.
I have some pretty gnarly anxiety about health issues but now I apparently can't use dental products without freaking out. Perfectly safe but I need to have an unscheduled breakdown now....
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OCD
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Im on meds for a while now
And I still want to kill myself and I still exactly know why I was depressed and I still am depressed mentally
But Im laughing, smiling, going out with my friends, shower regularly can say Im happy and get my shits done
since when this is life?
Lol
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depression
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I take my Vyvanse at 5:30ish everyday because I go to work at 6pm. I usually have a water and electrolyte packet about 2 hours before since my job is demanding physically, and I don't want to get ultra dehydrated. One thing I struggle with is what to eat before work that won't have vitamin C/be acidic and also have lots of protein. I'm slow af so I usually don't get within the 2 hour window lol. I'm trying to lose weight also, so something healthy. Also comment what you eat even if they have those things in it, I'm just curious.
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ADHD
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for real just curious, thinking of joining a martial art gym think it would be great to become better at handling stress of daily life, wondering if anyone here has storys to tell :)
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aspergers
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Over the past year, I've achieved so many things on my "bucket list" but I still feel unhappy. I feel like I can't remember the last time I was truly happy or content and I don't know how to get that back....
I'm trying my best to go out and do things for myself but I struggle being alone with my own thoughts and company.
I also feel like I don't have anyone I can properly talk to about all this because I feel like a burden to my friends and family for trying to explain to them that I feel numb even though I have everything I've wished for for a long time... 😔😔
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depression
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Ive been suffering with ptsd after abuse for five years. Ive always had my fair share of dream flashbacks and such. Lately my dreams are taking a weird turn. In my dreams I WANT the person who abused me, I want to be around him and In the dream I even somehow LIKE him. in the dreams I dont have much memory of him being abusive, its as if in the dreams im meeting him for the first time again. If he starts to kiss me in the dream or something I will usually immediately remember who he is and what he did, but my body is doing something different. Its like my brain goes through it again in a completely different way. I dont understand this. And I certainly would never want him after what he did and who he is. Ive always felt a shame because the person who abused me was my boyfriend, someone who I loved, someone who abused , manipulated, and took advantage of me at a young age. I feel shame I ever cared for him, I ever still cared for him when he was abusing me, because I wasnt the one to leave him because of the abuse instilled in my brain, because I even cried when he finally found a new victim to focus on when he was done with me. I hate him and I was a victim of something terrible, but in my dreams i hang around him as if that never happened. I really want to understand. why cant my brain just realize I shouldnt be so ashamed that I once loved him.
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ptsd
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For me it’s the lyric in the Foxy Shazam song Wannabe Angel, “for you I wear this mask, alone I tear it off” the song is not about autism but I related to that with my masking. What do you relate to in a song that is not about autism?
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aspergers
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I feel sometimes like I just get so angry that it makes me physically ill. Like my whole body starts to clench up and it feels like the room is spinning constantly. And I can't let go of those feelings for a really long time and then it just...bursts. And like a rope that's been cut all the tension leaves me and I feel completely drained. Like I'm the barrel of a gun that's stopped shooting, but is still hot to the touch. My whole life feels as though it's disintegrating. I have dozens of backed up assignments and no idea how to tackle them. I feel like all my friends are either sick of me or disappointed. I just paid 300 dollars for an online consultation just to get prescribed a drug that I already took and doesn't work for me (Strattera). I'm just so fucking mad at everything, myself most of all. I want to scream and shout and punch things and write a long email to my advisor and parents saying I'm giving up and I wish they would just fucking quit helping me because I don't deserve it and I'm going to be homeless. I've pulled huge chunks of my hair out I look like an insane person. I've put on weight. My skin is scarred from me gouging out my pimples and dry skin. I'm done.
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ADHD
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Ocd has ruined my life. Some of my grades have dropped, I act aggressive towards others bc I constantly get intrusive thoughts and groinal responses (and when other ppl talk they interrupt them so I keep repeating them over and over again and it's exhausting) and I'm just generally not doing well. I've been getting help for almost a year but nothing helps. Things are only getting worse. I'm a terrible person. Everything would be better if I wasn't here. I wouldn't have hurt my loved ones. Physically nor mentally. I deserve this feeling and much worse things. I don't deserve anything good. And people ask me "What did you do?". It's too horrible for me to say it. It really is. And I'm ashamed to say it out loud. I despise myself. I shouldn't have been born.
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OCD
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It’ll be one year in October since my traumatic accident. It’s not even here yet, and I’m having more flashbacks and dreams of the accident. My scars ache and my mood is fluctuating. I’ve never had anything like this before and I’m not quite sure how to deal with it. Any advice to deal with your trauma anniversary date?
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ptsd
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After almost 20 years i finally scheduled a consultation with my pcp. There’s a lot of symptoms and patterns that strongly affect my day-to-day life. But instead of being excited, im just increasingly nervous that it’s going to be a waste of time and im just making up my symptoms- that all the things im struggling with are normal and im just not trying hard enough to commit to things. Is this common? Anyone else feel this way pre-diagnosis?
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ADHD
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I have real event OCD, and it’s triggered when I start to give power to the past. Does it ever go away for good? I’m wondering if I avoid my triggers, the past thoughts will go away for good. I don’t give the past power now, but it was really bad over the summer. I hope I can forget these OCD thoughts so I don’t get depressed from them and have intrusive thoughts again.
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OCD
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I'm 14 turning 15 tomorrow
I was looking through reddit and all of a sudden I saw this animated character, being a teenager I looked at her uhhh knockers and then looked at her face and thought bro she looks 12 even though I knew this character was not 12 and was actually like 16 but then I looked at the knockers again and looked at her face and then realized that she doesn't actually look 12, but I feel guilty since I looked at them again after thinking she looks like 12. Now I should preface this by saying that I have a problem where I often see people younger than they are because of this fear. However, I still thought they looked 12 and looked again at the things.
I am doing therapy to get over this since I do in fact have a form of OCD
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OCD
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Hello. I have a question for everyone here.
My sensory issues developed very differently over time, particularly exploding into relevance around the age of 13. Before then, I was apparently able to handle quite a few sensations that I then couldn't. I was a fastidious eater to begin with, making sure that my food was separated and nothing got on my hands. However, after 13, that became far more obsessive. Sensations on my feet in particular are very bad along with things like mushrooms and apple juice (not cider, but the filtered kind of apple juice - still tasted the same but the texture felt something like dozens of insects crawling down my throat, absolutely awful). In many cases, like the feeling of walking on most surfaces without shoes or slippers, or even seams of clothes, these sensitivities have gotten stronger over time since then as well.
Is this something that others have experienced or are there other changes such as reductions in certain sensory difficulties over time?
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aspergers
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Hello Everyone,
I was wondering if anyone has experienced the symptoms that I'm having?
When I was younger, I became unwell with religiously themed OCD, where I thought God was going to punish me by causing bad things to happen to people I cared about.
I'd constantly have images of bad things happening to my family and friend's running through my mind, accompanied by thoughts like "if you do such and such (it could be anything from having a cup of coffee, to watching tv), this is going to happen".
I'd also have a lot of blasphemous thoughts that I'd have to pray for forgiveness for, and I kept thinking that I was cursing people I cared about because of my thoughts.
I'd have to carry out rituals to undo them, such as praying to God, or sometimes carrying out seemingly strange actions like walking for miles to either prove to God that I cared for the people I was worried about, or as some kind of payment for him to undo them.
I always seemed to have a voice in my mind that I'd characterise as an annoying kid who would suggest horrible things, and sometimes I could tell what it was going to say before it said it and could cut it off before it did, or before the thought became fully formed.
If I wasn't able to do that though it felt as if things were a lot more serious - that I'd cursed someone and I'd have to go through some kind of a ritual to undo it or the anxiety would be unbearable.
It would often pop up at the end of a terrible thought and say "I agree to that".
After a while it's hard to know if it's a subconscious voice or if it's part of me trying to spite myself.
The more serious the thoughts are and the more I try to ignore them, the more I feel a pressure inside my head like it's going to split open, or a horrible crushing pressure on the outside like it's in a vice.
I think it was mainly Harm OCD but based around religion.
Somehow I was able to get over it, after living with it for around three years, during which time I was put into a psychiatric hospital twice, and homeless for a few months because I couldn't function properly anymore.
For the last 23 or so years I was free from it, but a month or so ago it all came flooding back and I'm pretty much crippled by it again.
I was just wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts with their OCD around religion? I've looked on YouTube and the internet and can't seem to find anything similar where God is involved in this way.
Thank you for your time.
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OCD
|
I only know how to experience happiness in small hits. Hanging out with friends, going for a run, eating a good meal, masturbating. It all relieves me from my depression for a few hours tops. But no matter what I do, it always returns. This week was a good one when it comes to things that are supposed to help your mental health. I exercised, ate healthy, and on the one day I did have a breakdown, I called my dad and we talked about which helped. But by the time the weekend rolled around, the crippling loneliness and anxiety took over like it always does and I'm once again crying on the floor of my room. Back to finding some small, short-time happiness solutions I guess. I feel like a junkie depending on these small hits of dopamine, but it's all I have.
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depression
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I suppose this post just serves as a way for me to vent to some people that might be able to relate in some way
Since I cannot afford to get an official diagnosis, I have been learning about neurodivergent experiences for the past couple of months or so and self-diagnosed myself with [this](https://www.idrlabs.com/autistic-spectrum/test.php) tool. Self-diagnosis doesn’t necessarily seem frowned upon in the neurodivergent community, but as I explain a bit more below, you will most likely see the pieces coming together.
Practically my entire life, I have struggled with anger issues. My mom would always call me a “psycho boy”, threaten to call the police on my 10-year-old self and my dad would beat me with his belt. I never really thought much about this and assumed that it was just a part of my punishment for being mad, but these were really just textbook autistic meltdowns. It’s really tough to remember what I broke down about specifically (because I have probably repressed it), but it was always met with some response such as “You’re acting psychotic over nothing” or making some comment about how I am “insane.” Of course, that’s just the anger portion, throughout my life I’ve never really made long-lasting friendships or been able to maintain a romantic relationship for more than a week or two (Speaking of that, I think my parents had me admitted to a mental hospital for a relationship-related meltdown in high school). It is also *extremely* difficult for me to show emotion in a normal way which has made it impossible to relate to people without feeling like I’m cold and sociopathic. And I don’t know if this makes sense, but every single conversation feels the same to me. When I am rarely out in a social group with multiple people, I have trouble understanding how people can talk differently around different types of people (I am not sure if this makes sense :P)
So I suppose I just learned that I have been acting my entire life, and I guess my performance hasn’t been too bad 😀 I truly wish my parents were able to see the signs, but I guess they just treated me the same as their parents treated them. Feels good to get this off my chest, and I am glad that this space exists and there is a place to post about it
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aspergers
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is this gonna last forever? i'm scared. what if i end up killing myself? what if i'm actually suicidal? what if this feeling never goes away? someone please help i'm so scared please please please
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OCD
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I've been having pregnancy paranoia even when it would've been LITERALLY impossible for me to be pregnant. It's stressful. Annnnd I tend to scare my sexual partners by briefly mentioning it. It's embarrassing.
Anyone else struggle with this?
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OCD
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Forgive me for this post, as its going to be comprised of so many pent up, disorganized thoughts, and I intend on letting out my concerns as I go on rather than organizing them beforehand. So for the longest time I've struggled socially. I've never been able to naturally fit into any conversation, even with the people I'm closest to, unless I'm talking about something I'm very passionate about. When I know exactly what I want to say, or can dig deeply into its intricacies, I can go off for a really long time because I don't have to think about how I express these thoughts with my tone or body language, or how to derive an understanding from my communicative partner (i.e them responding cooperatively). This only happens when I'm decently informed in a topic and really passionate about its subject matter. Anything else, whether it be small talk or somebody talking about something in their own life, requires a great deal of introspection and focus, or else I completely shut down. I have to really think about whether or not I'm listening enough to the person, taking in the information they're giving me, being reciprocative emotionally to their feelings, how I carry myself as a listener (do I nod my head? is my mouth at a weird angle?), and then how I respond (do I ask a question? do I say "oh ok"? etc). This isn't exclusive to conversations I'm uncomfortable in, but it worsens when I'm anxious or incapable of picking up what tactics the person uses to express themselves and communicate. I feel very guilty because often I feel like I'm being selfish or self-centered because no matter what social situation I'm in, I'm overthinking so much (whether or not I think its appropriate to do so) that it often takes me out of the conversation and doesn't situate me in the thoughts people want to talk to me about. I want to become a better listener and help them feel validated and understood, and further the conversation by digging deeper into their psyches, but I never feel natural doing so. I never feel like my authentic self unless I'm completely alone. And possibly this is because I was taught at a young age to change how I speak or carry myself (via trauma maybe), or maybe I'm falsely assuming that it has something to do with ASD/Asperger's when in reality this is a struggle every neurotypical person struggles with. But I genuinely have to think so hard about every minute aspect of conversation in order to not shut down or start mumbling nonsense. If I can't find a comfortable place in conversation, I either resort to jokes that evoke quick bursts of laughter from others (thus reassuring my beneficial role as a social person), or worse, completely panic and stop talking altogether. For a while I was really concerned that maybe I suffered some sort of physical ailment like a tumor or Parkinson's because of how unnatural conversation felt to me, especially since it seemed like everyone else around me could talk and talk and talk without ever having to reflect on how their words came out or what the next sentence would be. It becomes especially crippling when I compare my speaking style to public speakers or presenters, who can flow casually an endless stream of explanations and information, all wrapped up in a charming little package. And now more than ever, I don't even know how to control my facial expressions. People question my intentions or whether or not I'm telling the truth because I can't naturally rest my lips or jaw. I have to watch how other people speak, carry themselves, and express their state of mind through body language / facial expressions. Without a reference, my head is empty as fuck. I'm wondering if anybody on this subreddit can relate to this, or if it's worth seeking a diagnosis? This has plagued me my entire life, and just now as a 22 year old man I'm able to collectively describe the depth to which this problem has evolved. If I'm just a neurotypical taking up space on this subreddit, I deeply apologize and don't at all mean to waste the time/resources of other redditors who are dependent on them.
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aspergers
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Basically what title says, my friends 11yr old son has been diagnosed with ADHD recently but she doesnt want to try meds as the first resolution. Nothing against anyone who does, just with him being so young she doesnt want him to start now and be on them for rest of his life or become depressed/withdrawn if he stops. So are there steps you take to help focus, or not control your life? He's just started secondary school this year (from UK) and hes misbehaving a lot at school and its worrying her
Any help would be appreciated even websites/forums (apart from reddit) for her to go on and if there are meds that are good with low side affects ?
I dont know much about ADHD myself but long time lurker on Reddit, i thought i could post here for help. Ill be sending the link to her to look through
Thanks in advance :)
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ADHD
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So a little context about me. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in the 6th grade, and have been receiving treatment for it since then. I was originally on Concerta, which did help a little with my concentration, but always made me feel jittery and never particularly felt comfortable on it. I was on this medication for years, gradually lowering the dose to where it would still help me cope with my ADHD, but didn't make me feel bad either.
While all this was going on, I absolutely hated reading. It always felt like a chore, I could never hold my attention on a page long enough to discern any meaning from it, and at times it could feel down right painful to keep my focus long enough to finish a chapter, a page, a paragraph. (there was a point to where my parents thought I might be dyslexic.)
Ever since graduating University, I moved to Japan, and here, Concerta, Ritalin, and other stimulant medications are either heavily controlled or completely banned. I decided to go off my medication while I was here, and for a while I had developed some coping mechanisms that allowed me to still function despite being off my medication.
Then came the pandemic which basically threw me back to square one. The high levels of stress, the time I spent alone at home, the countless hours I dumped into escapist media, games, doom scrolling on reddit, all took their tool on me. It was too the point where my boss noticed something was up with me.
Thankfully I'm on good terms with my boss, and when I told her what I was struggling with, she was completely understanding, and was able to help me find a doctor who got me back on medication. Instead of Concerta though, He prescribed me with Strattera.
And holy shit is it a world of difference. The best way I can describe it is I finally feel like there is a connection between the what I want to do, and me actually doing them. Like I'm finally wide awake after being half asleep for most of my life. I finally have the energy to not just focus on tasks, but to push through them, get shit done, organize myself, and not beat myself up for every short coming I still manage to encounter.
I think the biggest noticeable change though is reading is no longer a pain to me. In fact, I'm just starting to realize that after all these years, I actually love it. I'm at the point to where reading is starting to overshadow my old go to hobby gaming. I'm reading fiction, nonfiction, history, and anything else that piqued my interest, but I never had the energy or will power to read before.
I haven't been on my medication for too long though, and part of me wonders if I'm simply just going through the honeymoon phase before things level out. But there is definitely a difference between this, Concerta, and nothing at all, and the fact that I have discovered a love for reading from this definitely makes me feel great about the medication I'm on.
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ADHD
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SO CAUSE OF MY OCD I HAVE A THING ABOUT TOUCHING THE FLOOR AND TODAY I MANAGE TO TOUCH THE FLOOR AND THEN GET UP AND FREELY WALK TO THE BATHROOM I DIDNT AVOID WALLS OR TOUCHING ANYTHING!
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OCD
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It has been a while since I brought this up so I don’t know if I ever brought it up in this group, however if I did, I apologize in advance for asking again.
Long story short, I have been aspiring to become a professional opera singer. I hold both a bachelors and Masters degree in classical music performance. I have over 20 years singing experience under my belt, and I have been juggling between pursuing this venture, and staying gainfully employed with a day job. Audition season for Many of the major young artist programs and companies is right around the corner, and I am working on putting together new audition reels to submit those companies…
However, my greatest concern is that they will not take me again.
Having worked for years of this, and having been either rejected without any notice or reason to substantiate, or else having been cheated out of a fair audition with these organizations, it is a very emotional time for me, because each year something good comes up and is passed on to someone else, I feel like I am losing more and more of my chances of ever landing a professional career.
What has prompted this for me emotionally, to reach out for help like this, is that yaptracker. com has recently published notice for the San Francisco Opera’s Merolla young artist program. I have tried to audition for this program twice, before COVID-19 forced the company to postpone it’s season in 2020. In the past they have specified an age limit, which this year they have waived. What even though I will nonetheless be submitting an application along with new recordings, I feel that since I have already tried to audition for them twice unsuccessfully, a third time realistically will not be a charm. I cannot say for certain why they have rejected me in the past.
I have reason to suspect that part of the reason for these rejections which they will not mention is that they might pick up on the fact that I am special-needs, whether or not I say so. For the longest time I have been able to hide the indiscretion of being autistic and worked to measure up to the standards of those companies without any special help. However, I may have been ultimately failing in my attempts to do so, and feel that now, when merit and Hardwork are all that is left to speak for me alone, I need some sort of support system, a legal advocate or even some sort of document protecting the fact that I am autistic, to be on MY side of the table when it comes to the process of passing those auditions.
That being said, again I apologize if I’ve ever asked before, but are there any organizations which could help me get cast in this regard?
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aspergers
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I want to be clear that I'm not asking for medical advice. I don't want to break any rules with this post. I'm interested in learning and hearing people's stories.
I've had PTSD for what feels like forever. I don't want to try to pinpoint when it started, but it's been around 15 years and I was diagnosed in 2012. Between 2014-2019 I've experienced a lot of trauma. At this moment, I'm realizing that my anxiety and PTSD, which I've largely ignored as a regular part of my day-to-day life, are growing unmanageable and I desperately need to do something about it.
I have limited financial options and health insurance has been impossible for me to obtain. I'm planning to see a doctor at some point in the near future so I can start being treated for the things that are greatly affecting my functionality. In the past, I tried a few different antidepressants which didn't work well for me, and one anxiety medication that was fine. I have limited experience actually medicating my conditions and I'm interested to hear about the experiences other people have had, especially when it comes to PTSD. I didn't take my PTSD seriously until it recently began taking over my whole life.
Does anyone want to share their experiences?
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ptsd
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Today my dad told me that he was speaking with a friend of his, whose daughter went to school with me until we were 12. Apparently she talked about me to her parents when we were in school (we didn't share any class, and I don't remember her at all), and when my father mentioned to his friend that I have been diagnosed, he reacted with the usual "that explains a lot". So, what did she tell them about me? Some variation of "How can he be so intelligent in general, yet so stupid when interacting with people?".
This is the first time since I got my diagnosis that I have become aware of the perception of someone my age with whom I have barely ever interacted. I completely ignored any child I didn't consider a friend, but now I'm realising that they DIDN'T ignore me back, to them I was a mystery.
​
I've been spiralling for a few hours, thinking about how as I grew older and lost friends, I became a mystery to more and more people. One of my university friends literally told me I was an indetermination to them (I studied Physics, this kind of maths simile was common). At that point I started wondering what was so different about me, and well, here I am now, 5 years later, with a variety of divergences: autistic, ADHD, asexual, aromantic and (most likely) agender.
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aspergers
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Fuck it. I hate it and it happend and it feels horrible, im here crying, cause I still need to inform my company on why I didnt show up to school.
God damit, what should I even tell them? That I missed a whole day of school, cause I told my parents that they should go and fuck off while they tried to wake me up (with me not remembering a single thing off that cause I was asleep), also that my 6 AlarmClocks didnt manage to wake me up?
I dont get it anymore, now my head is being cut off for things that I dont have any control over, like what dhould I do, "be enlightened by god so he wakes me up?" Yeah probably not
Also for fuck sake I now have a headache (ty body for giving me no control over my sleep). Im now gonna call work again and see if they pick up the phone, hopefully I can give a positive update
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ADHD
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It's getting so bad that I'm starting to have trouble normally going about life. I never used to have intrusive thoughts but they started very suddenly a couple weeks ago. I used to love horror media and true crime, when all of the sudden the thought of hurting my family popped into my head. I love my family and don't want to do anything to them but I can't stop thinking about it and obsessing over it. I'm so scared of myself and that one day I'm just going to do something I can't control that it cripples me with fear. I just sit in my room and cry because I'm so scared of myself. I get scared that I don't care about them anymore, that I'm a sadistic individual, that one day I'm just going to snap. It plagues my thoughts so constantly that I don't hardly feel like I can feel genuine emotion anymore, which just scares me into that mindset further. Sometimes I can get myself feeling kind of normal, for a week I hardly thought about it at all until I watched a horror film with my family and it triggered me right back there and I can't get it to go away again. I started a new medication a couple weeks ago that has helped with other aspects of my anxiety but not this at all. I have an appointment in a week with a psychiatrist to give them an update on how the new meds are working. I know I should talk to them about this but I don't even know how to explain it without making it sound like it's something I actually want to do or without sounding crazy... I don't really have any experience having intrusive thoughts. This had never happened to me until recently. When I described it in another post someone suggested it could be a form of OCD. I just need any sort of advice. I don't know what to do with myself.
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OCD
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Ok so does anyone else stim in a way that hurt themselves? I've heard that some people with Tourette's syndrome hurt themselves and can't stop it but I didn't know if other people on the spectrum hurt themselves by stimming.
One form of stimming I do especially when I'm nervous is I grab my lead pencil and I start to trace circles all over my palm really hard. It hurts my palm really bad but I can't seem to stop it. 😬
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aspergers
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I was diagnosed with OCD. I have intrusive thoughts and memories. I also suffer from depression.
It's hard to pinpoint what specific cause lead me to where I am today. So Ill just tell you what's been happening, and leave it to your judgement.
A few years ago, I was close to being nothing. I had very little to offer to my family, I didn't keep in touch with any of the people who could have been friends. And I had zero hope of achieving employment, romantic interests or anything else I needed to be happy.
It was the darkest period of my life. These thoughts, ideas, and childhood memories (that might have been false) haunted me throughout my waking hours. I kept feeling compelled to think the most unpleasant and horrifying thoughts for so many years, that it changed me forever. I used to be a much happier person as a kid. It was as if my own brain was torturing me, and who knows how to torture me better than my brain. It lasted for so many years. I really was just waiting for it all to end.
A lot changed when I started receiving psychiatric treatment. It was the first time since I was a teenager, that I felt any form of true happiness. It didn't solve my problems, but it made some things easier. But the suffering was still there. And while I was happier, I wasn't able to make serious steps regarding friends, girlfriends and jobs.
Things changed when my father passed away. He didn't really leave us with much, so our financial situation was far from ideal. This forced me to accept some responsibility and do everything in my power to find a job.
And I did. In the past I studied law, but didn't do much with it. But now, I managed to use it to become a lawyer. I was very worried about becoming a lawyer, since it required a stable mind, working for long hours, and someone who has a go-getter personality.
I pulled through and managed, through a lot of pain, to improve my life. And it did, I had more friends and I felt better. Things were far from perfect at work, but luckily, one of the lawyers cares for me a great deal and helps me a lot. Also, I felt better about my myself.
Things at home were more difficult, since I now live alone with my Mom, who is still heart-broken about losing my Dad.
I felt as though I was improving and headed somewhere. Even when I was diagnosed with diabetes, I tried to use it as motivation to lose weight. I still had a lot of work to do on matters of health, friends, my job, my home life, but I had hope.
Then, these last six months happened. I stopped going to the psychiatrist, I stopped going to see my Endocrinologist. I've barely spoken to my friends, and Ive limited the time I socialize with co-workers.
This didn't come from nowhere, I've been suffering a great deal, but I'd been able to push through it some of the time.
I've also stopped working effectively at work. Sometimes there are many days where I accomplish nothing.
I think that I'm close to being fired. But I feel nothing. I'm numb. In the past there were many instances where I was in trouble at work, but when I felt real pressure, I was able to complete the job. But in this week, I had to finish a task until today, after being given several opportunities before to complete it. But I just couldn't, I was numb. Even now, after being threatened with being fired, I'm not working on the job, I'm writing this post on reddit.
I know I've climbed up from dark places before. But part of me wonders what's the point. I'm never going to be able to be a good and stable lawyer, and I don't know if I can find an alternative now that I'm in my 30's, with a lot of resposibilities I need to take care of. My hope for happiness in my personal life is slim, especially since I focus so much on my work.
I'll probably fight again, and I will see some improvements. But for how long? My hope for a good normal life is slipping. There is such a strong force in me that just wants to give up, telling me that theres no real way out.
I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for. I just felt that needed to write all this down, to get rid of some of these excess emotions that I have. But if you have some insights, please share.
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OCD
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My niece is 13 and just got diagnosed. I don’t have many details but it appears she hid it for a long time and my Sister found out. She is on Prozac, and Therapy. I don’t know which type or how often. I want to know how i can help. What do I say as support and what not to say. I don’t have many tools. My knee jerk reaction is to wish she would just stop and be better. I know I am wrong, I need a shove in the right direction. I read all your posts and you are so brave and smart. Any suggestions? Any words of advice? What do you wish people would say to you?
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OCD
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How much does it hurt to slit your own wrists? I mean, I obviously know that it hurts pretty badly, but how much? Is there an anesthetic pill one can take to numb the pain of the process?
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depression
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i quit everything. i've never seen a particular hobby or interest or venture to it's fullest extent. i leave video games unfinished, i start projects and half do them, i dropped college twice, had 8 jobs in the past 5 years, i am such a mess and a failure. but my art, my painting, it was supposed to be the exception.
Painting is one of the few talents i have, among all my unfulfilled half projects and fixation fuelled short lived interests, art was the one thing i have had that i'm kind of good at.
But for so long i've been fighting and fighting myself, forcing myself to keep painting, keep practicing, keep studying, draw something, anything. I wont be one of those people who lose their passion and quit art. i would never, art is my whole personality, my identity, my only saving grace.
i used to get into flow with my painting, going for a whole day with no breaks, improving rapidly, and having fun with art. over time it got harder and harder to build up the motivation to draw. artists get art block and that's okay but i would get it every day, all the time. i powered through it by strictly forcing myself to do something, even if it was a photo study. eventually that stopped working too.
in 2019 i painted my last painting, it was a school assignment and i hate it. its so terrible, i can't stand to look at it. why did i pick art as my degree. since then i have sat down countless times to draw, paint, even doodle. it just isn't happening. and i don't even want to do it anymore.
i think i hate painting, i hate art. it's such a chore, it makes me feel miserable, and i wasted so much money on this degree that i don't even know i will get. i'm a failure, i have no skill, no identity, no passion, and i'm worthless.
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ADHD
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I hope I get an illness or get hit by a car really really hard and die
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depression
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I used to be so happy and successful, especially in soccer. OCD was obviously in my life but never effected soccer, until 2018. At one point I played for the top team in my state, and I was doing very well for myself. I could have gone d1. Until sophomore year, I made a “deal“ with myself and therefore I couldn’t play soccer otherwise something bad would happen to me. I quit that year. My heart and life has never been the same since and seeing other people go d1 broke me because I could have done that too. I let OCD rule my life and I’m just snapping out of it now, don‘t make the same mistakes I did and let it take away the things you love before it’s too late and you can never get that opportunity back. I am a sophomore in college and there is virtually no way for me to play d1 soccer. I am in a community college and in emt school. I’m going to be a paramedic eventually, but what my heart wants along with that is to play soccer again. I had such creativity and talent that shone through me when I played, and love just radiated from me every time I touched a ball. I shouldn’t have let this disease control me because it took away one of the things I loved the most.
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OCD
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Two years ago I had issues with my adderall (generic) every month the pill affected me drastically differently. It was like "oh who am i going to be this month" In jan 2020 my dr switched me to name brand only, coincidentally my insurance only covered name brand. They no longer will next year and only cover generic and vyvanse and methylphenidate. I was wondering for people who CURRENTLY take generic adderall extended release, do you have this problem still? Im just wondering if i should book an appt for early january to try vyvnase or if i should try the generic for a few months and see if there is still that variation.
​
If you are here to tell me that they are exactly the same and you have not tried generic vs name brand, please dont bother commenting :) not trying to be rude. just a waste of time to be gaslight
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ADHD
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I've recently been diagnosed with ptsd and I have a baby about a month old as well as two toddlers both under age 3. He is my third baby so I knew this was coming but postpartum depression really effing sucks. I'm already struggling to be and do better. My husband is kind of shit when it comes to being a dad and I am essentially raising our kids by myself. He's a workaholic and tends to be a rather toxic person.
But today fucking sucked.
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ptsd
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Hi everyone,
Looking to get insight on your experiences. I am diagnosed with OCD. I only have one theme, it involves a nagging regret in my life. (So, probably real-event OCD with elements of relationship OCD).
I was in remission for 7 years but the OCD came back. And it came back to the one very specific theme.
Do your themes change??
I'm hoping that since I really only have one theme, that I will naturally habituate to it and it will go away. It has before. But I'm 3 months into a severe episode including depression and only a little bit of progress.
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OCD
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I fell down a while ago because of a few bumps and failures. I think I dissociated to not have to deal with the sadness of this but now I find it hard to care about much. I find that I sort of stare at my life as it happens with not much control over it. I just want to quit but that also feels out of my reach.
I am trying to set myself in place, sort out some health issues and continue with my studies but good ol' dysfunction makes it so difficult.
I know everyone has their own limits. I guess it's frustrating though as an adult, seeing everyone move on with their lives while I can't even clean my room.
Can anyone share their experiences of digging themselves out of a situation/mental state like this? What are some tools that helped?
Appreciate your answers in advance.
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ADHD
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Ever since my insomnia went away, I have been processing the trauma I work on during the day while sleeping.
Sometimes I wake up sweating, etc. and I know I had a panic attack while sleeping.
I usually wake up feeling better, and a lot of my personality, interests, have been coming back as well as a huge decrease in symptoms.
I just hate that the monsters gave me such severe PTSD I even panic in my sleep while my body is healing PTSD naturally.
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ptsd
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All the symptoms are things I have anyway, and that fluctuate too much to be able to tell. I do not generally remember past sensations much at all, so I can't tell if anything is wrong. I am completely alone here and would not know if anything is from new meds, poor sleep or this blow to the head???
For context, my dog ran into me. She was coming from below jumping, I was bowing down.
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ADHD
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Is there anyone with or who knows about Racism themed OCD who could possibly direct message with me? I've been really struggling with this theme & I'm finding it hard to function/find myself avoiding people out of fear of being perceived as racist.
I've been struggling with what I found through a NOCD article, is termed "Race OCD". I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally of BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to a BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this or if other people struggle with this OCD theme. To be honest, it's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because im sure it makes the other person uncomfortable.
I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like wtf, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head. I've tried to tell myself "Maybe I am a sick, racist human being, oh well", but that doesn't help because I don't agree with that statement.
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OCD
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waking up and immediately having horrible gas and the shits pretty much every day from anxiety inducing dreams?
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ptsd
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like its not my fault i cant control my energy, i try but it just bursts out of me. If you dont like how i speak, ignore me, dont insult me.. it hurts... im nice to everyone! why cant people be nice to me?
I was having fun, playing a game, typing fast cuz im in a hyper mood, and i know i can be annoying they started bullying me and i dont even wanna play anymore.. i just wanna sit in a quiet corner and forget about it
i guess i shouldnt let things get to me..
why do i have to be so hyper.. and its not ust online sometiems my friends find me annoying too and bully me.
how do u guys handle this? and how do u calm urself so other dont find you annoying?
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ADHD
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A few years back I experienced a lot of trauma. A sexual assault, 2 people very close to me attempting suicide, one was successful... The list goes on.
Over the last year I have been having such bad flashbacks at random times. My brain seems to be trying very hard at protecting itself because before I even realize I'm about to have a flashback my head shakes slightly (like I'm 'shaking it off' ) and sometimes I make a noise, sometimes my whole body shakes. The best way I can explain is that it's almost is as if I have a tic.
Some days it only happens 10ish times and other days it can happen around 40.
I have tried to focus on what memory was about to surface but most of the time it's completely gone which is why I think my brain is trying to protect itself.
I am curious if others have had similar things?
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ptsd
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I can't concentrate on the present. Every day I drift from one time to another, all day. Its like I have zero control. Some memories repeat themselves more than others. Some are horrible, intolerable even and I struggle to dodge them. Some are actually really good but leave me with a sensation of being lost and emptiness. Others, despite their unpleasant nature, make me feel nothing at all but yet Im still stuck thinking about them on repeat. I had a very abnormal upbringing and have lived around pretty much everything that statistically fucks up a person. I have distrust for anyone I encounter because something within me tells me they will try to harm me if they find out what I came from and how I live, and alternatively I can't stand the idea of pretending to be someone I'm not. I used to have this burning desire to reintegrate myself back into society but with every passing year I have felt it fade away more and more. At this point I just want to learn how to regulate my problems so that I can at least get by on the fringes. I can't afford real therapy and mental health care provided by the county is a fucking dumpsterfire right now. I'm considering attending NAMI support groups for emotional regulation classes and peer to peer experiences but I've never done group therapy before so it's an unfamiliar path, I keep hesitating to call and inquire about them.
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ptsd
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Hey ho!
Last time I went to see the doctor for a new prescription I forgot those transferral papers and it has happened again -.- Tomorrow morning I have my next appointment, nicely fitted in my schedule directly after a lecture. So my choice now is missing out on the lecture and going to see my GP for those papers or going to the lecture and trying to submit those papers later where I am quite likely to forget to get them and also waste a lot of time.
I know this is complaining on a very high level but I am just so upset that I forgot again. That's just topping off my forgetting my last important dentist appointment. Also I was kinda hoping I wouldn't forget not as many important meetings once I am on meds... Nope. This is discouraging.
(Additionally I am really angry at this stupid system, why do I need to go to see my GP every quarter year, wasting at least two hours, just so he can print out and sign some piece of paper which I can carry to the other doc, digitalisation in this country is like non existing.)
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this out :/
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ADHD
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The last couple months I get filled with a sense of overwhelming dread when I realize that every single moment is instantly a blur of the past, and nothing feels “present”. It gives me a crippling sense of anxiety! It has me overthinking existence, time, space, and self awareness.
I had a similar theme 10 years ago, and did eventually get through it (although it took 6-7 months), so that’s a plus?
I have been diagnosed a couple years ago, just wondered if anybody else has had a similar theme, or success stories? Thank you!
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OCD
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Trigger warning
So, I had a PTSD attack right before I came into work and now I'm at work and I feel things coming and going in intense waves. I can't leave work, I don't have enough pto and I have to pay bills. The way my PTSD usually presents itself is in emotional flashbacks so I feel exactly what I felt when my trauma was formed. All the physical and verbal abuse, the deaths. I got pretty badly triggered by a friend of mine tonight mixed with family problems reoccurring because holidays. Holidays are always the worst for this. I don't know how to go about dealing with my PTSD at work so if anyone has some advice I'd be extremely grateful. I only work with one other person and my job gives a lot of time to just do what you want after work is finished.
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ptsd
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I am on max dose and I have no positive nor negative effect. I dont have the realistic dreams.
Actually I cant fuckingg dream at all
People feels drowsy sleepy or tired or constipated. And me I am energetic as fuck.
All the energy turns into ocd.
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OCD
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I don’t know if this is a symptom of ADHD but it is something I have and I have adhd so wondering if any of you also get like this:
I (self proclaimed) thrive off of validation. I am a creative person but I swear everything I do is for other people to tell me how amazing I am at it. I pick a topic, get completely obsessed and immersed in it, learning everything about it that I possibly can (I know many of you do this) until I’m the BEST; I cannot settle for anything less. The problem is, when I ultimately get the validation I know I’m looking for, I get depressed?
One such example: cooking. I love to cook, I make everything absolutely everything from scratch (seriously like even the cheese I put on the table). I will host these 10 or so person dinner parties, cook for everyone and as soon as we sit down and everyone starts telling me how good everything is, I IMMEDIATELY regret deciding to do it. I feel extremely anxious, like the food can’t possibly be good enough and they’re just appeasing me, and I get this feeling of stupidity. Like it’s really dumb of me for caring this much or something. Like I go from feeling so proud of what I’m putting out to completely embarrassed by it? It’s so hard to explain. And then I just want it to be over, I want everyone to leave.
Then, a few days later my husband will say “so and so’s in town next week, do you wanna host dinner?” and for the next week I’ll completely obsess, not be able to pull myself away from menu planning, obsessing over coming up with something new, not repeating a recipe, needing it to be the best of that thing they’ve ever tasted. And it starts all over again.
What is this nonsense?!
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ADHD
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is it easier for anyone else to put on a brave face in person than it is over text or the internet? i can act happy in person but when it comes to texting someone back it’s so much harder to fake the way i really feel
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depression
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I feel like one somewhat positive aspect of OCD that people overlook is that I can make you an incredibly imaginative or thoughtful person. I find that Its always difficult for me to tell if I'm a natural overthinker and that's why I have OCD, or if OCD is what makes me an overthinker. Regardless, I find that I'm able to make abstract connections between ideas and events that go over most people's head, or that are completely random. I came up with a name for it when I was a kid called "logical and creative OCD". Though not nessecarily the same as other typical forms of OCD I find that this type has helped me out tremendously in school, as I can explain large and abstract concepts through simple analogies. I guess that's just how my brain works. If I were to wager a guess I think it stems from my curiosity of life and everything about it. Even at 19 years old I'm still as curious as I was at 8, and don't understand how other people lose interest in the world since in reality I don't know anymore than I did when I was 8. Anways, back to the main point. When I'm going through episodes of this so called logical OCD I find myself reasoning about life's big questions and comparing situations to try and makes sense of things. I have concurrent hyperthymesia (autobiographical memory) and OCD which allows me to remember anything I want forever, including dreams, ideas, and feelings. I use this ability to compare things across time and figure out how to explain or deal with situations. I thought I would share this and see if anyone else has the same thing or feeling and if there was ever a time where their OCD allowed them to do something that a neurotypical person might not even consider
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OCD
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And when I say a good week to myself I don't just mean a week without working, I genuinely mean a week without other people. I'm so mentally exhausted from dealing with other people that I genuinely want to leave my house and never come back. Nobody who lives with me neither knows or understands why I need my own space every once in awhile and no matter how hard I try to speak with them they refuse to understand. I'm on the verge of a breakdown and I don't want it to come to that but if I can't even feel well rested or get time to myself on my Thanksgiving break then there's a fucking problem that needs to be solved. Edit: I'm a teenager that doesn't make any income nor do I have a way to go anywhere without my family, I'm trapped in a box here
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ADHD
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Hello everyone,
I'm using a throwaway account because I'm embarrassed as hell. Don't want my close friends to figure out, especially the ones I've already told about this last month and promised I wouldn't fail again.
This is a rant, but I'm also looking for empathy and support. Please don't punish me more.
I'm Spanish and 22yo.
I'm financially devastated, I'm totally incapable of managing my finances and I can't help my impulse spending. I've taken so many loans I have now a negative credit score, and I feel like I will never leave this bottomless pit. Things should be good now, but they're not, and it's my fault. It makes me feel so much stress that I am close to seriously end my existence. I even spent my rent money.
A bit of background:
I've had severe ADHD for my entire life, and struggled for it because of my parents who refused to give me a proper treatment and medication.
My family has always struggled financially because of their poor financial choices, and combined with my abusive household, made escaping home my top priority. I started working a decent job on February, albeit struggling a lot, because I never had "order" in my life and I was forced to adapt.
It was hard, but a few months of hard work and savings enabled me to seek proper help and begin my treatment/medication. I started first going to therapy, and then combined it with meds.
Since I wasn't able to afford both things, I sticked with my meds and had to leave my therapy. I believe therapy would've been more useful, but having money was the priority, and in order to have money I had to be productive. My meds help me be productive.
After saving enough, I decided to move out. I had everything planned and enough savings, but the landlord I was on talks with decided to rent his apartment to another person ON THE LAST MOMENT. This devastated me and idk if it was a mix of frustration and impulsivity, but it made me seek out another rental apartment asap. I found one, but was a lot more expensive; like, more than double the previous price. But apartments were hard to find, so I went for it it. Impulsively.
Even with my savings, I couldn't afford living there, so I resorted to loans. Banks weren't able to offer me loans because of having less than 1 year working, so I went to micro-loan companies. I took a loan and was able to pay rent and other expenses. I returned the loan, but now that I had discovered the world of loans and after managing my finances really bad, I took more loans.
Some I returned, some I failed to return. I decided to not think about the unpaid ones, even tho they constantly and daily harass me through my phone, email and even regular mail.
I told to myself: "okay, now I will begin to properly save money. I will split expenses, bills, savings and free-to-spend money".
Shamingly for me, I only lasted two days. I've been working now for 8 months, and not saved a SINGLE CENT. My bank account is 0€ right now, and it shouldn't be like this because I've been working a full-time job for more than half a year. But I can't save. I buy too much junk, I order too much takeout, I sometimes even gift my money to people without thinking on the consequences... and resisting those impulses is VERY hard. Especially when everyone seems to have it so easy.
Having money after being literally poor for so many years is horrible. I feel all the power I didn't have my entire life, but it's not real. I need to manage myself, but it's so hard to willingly "save" which I had to do my entire life and for once I don't want to. Even when I manage to put all my will force into it, impulses make me do mistakes.
I have 10€ left on cash (bank acc is 0€) and had to fight myself really hard yesterday because I wanted to go to the movies, but fought hard with my impulses and managed to sop myself.
I've been suffering this and living from paycheck to paycheck all these months, but at least I've always withdrawed enough money for rent every payday and left it on my drawer so I couldn't spend it even if I wanted, because if I leave it in my bank I know I would spend it.
This changed last month, and it's what is driving me insane.
My landlord fell ill and couldn't collect rent (usually collects it 1st of every month) so we agreed on leaving it on hold until next rent, paying double. It's okay tho, I only had to save and NOT TOUCH AT ANY CIRCUMSTANCES this month's rent money..right?..
well, I spent my rent money impulsively, , and thinking I was going to be able to return it to myself... faced some unexpected expenses, and ended up at 0.
Now I have to pay two months of rent, no money until I get paid on 30th of this month, and even when I do I won't be able to pay two months. My landlord is pretty strict (he is known for kicking out people for being unable to pay just one month of rent) and I'm afraid of ending up in the streets, because I broke contact with my shitty parents.
I'm drowned in loans, and I feel like even if I earn 10.000$ tomorrow I'd still spend them impulsively. I have no solution, and my existence is a mistake. Screw ADHD, screw impulsivity, screw money and screw me.
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ADHD
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Hi everyone, desperately need some advice here. For context, I’ve been dealing with a pretty bad injury and have been on bed rest for about a month now. While on bed rest, I’ve had a major OCD relapse and my mental health in general has been in the gutter.
This friend is my close friend from college. We used to talk every day, even when we were living in different states. He moved to a new city about two months ago, and has been understandably busy. However, I’ve expressed to him multiple times about how poorly I’ve been doing, and even directly told him I needed someone to talk to, but I feel blown off. Typically we’ll text for a little bit until he stops responding, and the few times we have FaceTimed he’s always had to end the call only after 5-15 mins for always some reason.
It’s sucks because I know he’s busy, but then he’ll tell me about the friends he went out the night before or a show/movie he was watching, so I just feel like I am not a big priority in this friend’s life. This also isn’t the first time this has happened and when I had told him it hurt my feelings, he did genuinely apologize, but he’s doing the same thing again.
I’m posting here because I have pretty bad Relationship OCD and trauma from past friendships that have ended pretty badly. I don’t think he is doing this on purpose, I think he is just caught up in his new city life, and I’m unfortunately being neglected as a result. I really want to continue our friendship, but I am having major anxiety about how to bring this up to him because I don’t want us to have a falling out. Any advice?
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OCD
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I was doing some writing studies and ended up thinking those things over. At first I was thinking about how I want part 1 of my story to end, then it turned to me ranting in my head about how cartoons need to have more narrative driven cartoons like anime has since stories that resonates with readers stick with them longer than comedy does. Lastly I had an inner interview about art and the difference between haters and constructive critics before sitting back down at my desk and realizing I’ve been pacing around having a heated inner discussion for almost an hour over an article about using dual protagonists… it was barely even on topic.
Hell I pace around thinking so much that it’s the only reason why I’d get a skoolie over a van if I decide to go that route since I need space to pace. Does anyone else do this?
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aspergers
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So I'm going to be a freshman this fall and I'm really scared that I'm not going to make any friends at my new college. I somehow got into a very good school and I'm so grateful to be there, but I'm not sure how well these genius students are going to accept me. I don't seem that smart if you talk to me in person and I'm pretty socially awkward (obviously). I was going to join athletic clubs and stuff but now because of my physical disability (I can't do any exercise, might need a wheelchair later) I can't. I also am super confused about what I want to do in life and my passions so I really don't know what clubs to join, and even if I applied for the clubs I don't know if I'd even get in. And then there's also COVID. My college is requiring vaccines in order to go back to campus this fall but I still don't know what's going to happen in terms of social life and events being cancelled. I've already tried to reach out to multiple students (I've posted on my college's FaceBook and Instagram pages with a bio about myself) but almost no one even commented on the posts I put up. I've chatted with a couple other incoming students over Snap and things like that but it never went beyond surface level. Is/was anyone scared about making friends when first coming to college? Does anyone have any tips? Thanks!!
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aspergers
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I (F, 31) have recently started going to therapy after many years of struggling with social anxiety and what I think (and my therapist too) is depression.
My problem is now that I have felt like this basically my entire life so how can I even know what normal feels like? My therapist often gives me questionnaires to fill out that ask for example if I have "little interest in doing things". But I always had a hard time getting myself to do things, so have I always been depressed or is this just how my personality is?
Thanks for any input.
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depression
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I'm sure this has been brought up before but I am new to all of this. I am a 40 year old male that was diagnosed with ADHD 3 months ago. I got home from work this morning and was sitting here looking for a game on my laptop to download before I went to the gym. I took my medication while looking, 20mg Adderall XR, and in about 10 minutes I was so drowsy I could barely hold my head up. I shut my eyes for about 10 minutes, never falling asleep, and was ok after that. I have been a paramedic for a long time and work 48 hour shifts. I only did 1 run in the last two days and slept all night last night so I should be plenty rested. It's just like my Adderall was switched with Benadryl. This has happened a few times in the past three months. Does anyone else have this experience often?
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ADHD
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I grew up in a toxic family, which contributed to my ptsd. Recently I moved out and everything is slowly getting better now i moved far-far away from there...It still feels like I could wake up at any moment and find myself back where i started. Now I am here and the axiety is overwhelming, its like i was never gone and i hate it!
No question or punchline, i just needed to say this...
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ptsd
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Hello all,
I'm full of love and happiness deep down and I'm an extremely soft lad but I cannot get through my life without cannabis as a crutch or some sort of assistance.
Upon losing almost everything in my life in the past 2 years I'm wanting to sort it out but I just don't know what to do or where to go.
The fact that I'm writing about myself makes me feel so selfish and makes me sick having to type "I" all the time.
About 5 years ago I was cautioned on a crime that would change my life forever and it truly has. I am no longer able to pursue my career choice and it has rendered my Criminology degree completely useless, much to my regret. I am an idiot and have some serious deep issues from childhood as most people do but they have affected me forever now and I just do not know what to do with my life at all. I'm not looking to discuss the nature of my crime. I am extremely embarrassed and disgusted with myself. You can already imagine what it is and you're probably correct. I ask you to respect this and please do not question me further on it. I am happy to discuss properly on an alternative account with no links to my other posts or myself, necessarily.
This changed my life and career forever. My friends and some of my closest friends from school have completely disowned me without talking to me and are completely disinterested in me.
Blame is lame and I really abide by those rules in life but I told my ex about what I'd done and she spread foul rumours about myself as well as completely overemphasizing what had happened.
In terms of the crime it's very minor, extremely so to the point where I've got jobs because I'm happy to discuss my past with certain people especially in recruitment, but socially and mentally; I am absolutely ruined.
I've become near enough asexual and disinterested in partners, I have no ambition to get a job and live a life, I do not want children and never have as I love them but wouldn't like them myself, I despise my family and the last thing I aim to do is to continue the bloodlines. We are impure and swarmed in addiction. I do not want anymore of my family to exist.
This is probably where the majority of my issues stem from but I've also been in the wars lately too.
I almost died 2 years ago due to an epileptic seizure and was soon diagnosed with epilepsy afterwards. I was put into a coma because my heart rate was so rapid and I was out of my mind. Aggressive apparently, throwing nurses around, lost, I pulled my catheter out etc. I had ICU Psychosis as it is known and I think that also done a number on me and again affects a lot of my career choices.
On top of this I've moved out from my grandmother's house where I lived all my life because of difficulties between me and my uncle who also still lives at home at the age of 38 with a kid and we do not get on very well. He hurt me pretty bad about a year ago and I put my elbow through his TV because I was so busted by the things he was saying and doing etc. So I left to go live with my mother again who I left when I was 8 years old because of her drinking and promiscuous activity.
The drinking hasn't stopped and she's almost a full blown alcoholic. Living in this environment is not easy for someone trying to quit weed and I feel a relapse is imminent already.
Hate to sound like such a little whiny brat about my career but I just feel so upset and underachieving it hurts me.
I am currently on the sick in the UK, as I'm just all over the place in life.
Professional help is so limited and difficult to either afford or be given.
So to further myself, I've decided to quit cannabis but I just cannot stand being sober. It's driving me insane. I want to cut down but because I can't control it well enough it never works. I'd love to be one of the dudes that comes home and smokes. But I just can't stay away from it. I will chain smoke joints.
I've not attempted suicide, I've tested how I would weigh from a resistance band around my neck and door handle in the past but I've never gone through with anything. I feel like my grandmother is the last remaining bit if decency in my life and if she passes I think that will be my final straw.
I've never really announced it to people but like I am very close. On a daily basis. If guns were legal here it would be a serious consideration.
If you've read this I appreciate your time.
I'm all over the place in life. Without weed I cry a lot and at anything and everything.
I miss my ex who mistreated and hurt my trust so badly, I miss my friends, I miss my household, I miss my independence and having some form of a life. I used to be heavily interested in the gym and music (bass in particular) but I have no will or interest to do these things so I'm thinking maybe quitting weed would help but idk I just feel like an absolute walking mess 24/7 and sadly I don't really care either. It's like society says I should and I should fix myself but it just doesn't feel like I am that way inclined.
It's sort of like sexuality but societality... I just feel so aloof and withdrawn from reality and caring.
Thanks for your time.
MM
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depression
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I'm still on the waiting list for a PTSD therapist/psychiatrist but my other (specialist in addictions) therapist/psychiatrist told me i definitely have PTSD and it's good I'm seeking help for that too.
Guess it feels nice to have it said out loud in front of me. Cool.
That's all. Take care y'all
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ptsd
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TW>> Sexual Harassment(?)//Self Harm
I just wanted to share what my brother did to me because I cant tell my family
My brother has asked me twice if I would have oral/genital sex with him. This disgusts me. I am thirteen, he is fifteen. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body, every time I think of the incidents I have to slit my wrists in order to let out the disgusting emotions just thinking about it makes me feel. It makes me want to die. I’m mad and sad and disgusted and scared.
The first time he asked we were home alone and he straight up just asked “will you suck my dick?” I gave him a look of confusion and only after that did he say “just kidding”. Around a week later, the second incident occurred. He got me alone in his room and asked if he could “stick it in me”. I almost threw up and said “ew no” and called him gross. Only after I said that did he explain that he was kidding. Later that day I became too panicked and went to tell my mom when he stopped me and accused me of being dirty-minded and explained that he was simply asking for me to move something from the hallway into my room, but it doesn’t add up, why would he say he was kidding then? I ended up feeling guilty and I still do, I have not told my parents nor anyone yet. I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes, would he really have been joking? I don't know; all I know is that I'm disgusted and stressed. I feel so uncomfortable around men in my family, and uncomfortable in my body, and in my home. I can't get the thought out of my head, No matter what I do, It's rotting, killing me
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ptsd
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Im sorry if this story is hard to read and doesnt make sense. English is not my native language and the shit i am about to spout here are just some of my thoughts. Also i might be very much sick in the head......in elementary school, I had four or six friends with whom I hung out after school. There was one guy in high school and now none in vocational school. At the beginning of high school, the time began when i started to feel quite bad about my life. I have always felt like a piece of shit, because friends i had seem to diappear one after another, with no reason even tho i have tried to keep in kontact, they just never respond. I have tried multiple times to make new friends but it seems to be impossible because im very shy and hate myself for it. So i tried to improve myself physically, by starting to hit the gym a little and do some fitnessboxing. Some time went by, and i feel little better and have a little confidence in myself, But the problem never went away. I kind of realized that the people around me are the reason i feel depressed. I have always been nice to people. Not because i want them as a friends but because thats the way i have been raised. I have given up on human interaction excluding my family. But i think im about to reach my limit. I should have told my parents how i felt in the beginning of the bad feeling, but decided not to. Now im nose deep in this shit and i cant tell them that their son is depressed as fuck and about to lose it. The only joy in my life is watching my hair grow. Trying the option of telling you all about this, if it helps me even a little. I have no fucking idea what i have written in here as i already forgot. Any tips in anything😐
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depression
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I struggle with perfectionism and I’m trying to get better but unfortunately every time I try to be less of a perfectionist I become bent on perfecting my level of imperfection by being imperfect enough. How might I stop this vicious cycle?
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OCD
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Hi everyone! I am new to this reddit as I have only recently realized that I might have ADHD. I had never put together these things about me before, but my difficulty with motivation, issues with procrastination, distracted storytelling, starting and stopping of different hobbies (getting Very into each of them), avoidance behaviors, and other things are all starting to make sense in this context. I'm trying to figure out what else in my life could have ADHD as a potential cause, and wondering if my emotional habits resonate with any of you guys, or if that's something that's just part of my personality.
Basically, I've realized that I'm oddly efficient at moving on from things. It's kind of hard to describe, but I guess one way to put it is that I can be extremely out-of-sight-out-of-mind. For example, when someone close to me died, I was of course very upset and grieving, but after a short time it's like I blocked all of it from my mind. When I think of her now, it's like she isn't a real person who existed in my life (it's only been 2 years since she passed). I have to really make an effort to think about her and do something like read old letters in order to actually be sad about it-- otherwise it's just a fact in my mind and I can't really access any emotion on the matter.
This happens on the smaller scale, too. Often, if I'm crying/really upset about something I will text my friends for support. Once I've stopped crying/moved on, though, it's a hard stop and I've completely put those feelings at the back of my mind. If my friends answer after I've moved on from it, I am completely fine and don't want to talk about it because it doesn't feel present/ the emotions are no longer there. As such, I moved on from a recent breakup really quickly and once again it doesn't really feel like it makes sense that she was a person who existed in my life, even though we only broke up a few weeks ago. Sometimes this is something I have control over and other times it just happens (occasionally against my will-- doesn't feel like I really processed the breakup for example).
I am wondering if this maybe has to do with avoidance? Like avoiding those feelings of pain to the extent that I completely block them out? I've also heard a lot of people with ADHD say they are really good with dealing with change, which I feel like could relate. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience! Thanks!
​
TL;DR-- I am wondering if ADHD has any role in me being very out-of-sight-out-of-mind emotionally/ easily moving on from things to the point where I can't access the emotions from it. Maybe related to avoidance? Seeking people with similar experiences!
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ADHD
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The first memory of feeling suicidal was when i was 12. I was literally on top of a building thinking if i should just jump. I didnt. Well now im almost 20 and things have gotten even worse now. And the worst thing is that there is no reason. Ny life is normal, im not disabled, i go to work. Sure i didnt grew up with my parents but it doesnt matter because i love my grandma. I see no good ending, i see no solution, and i csnt keep on living like that for the rest of my life. The only reason i havent killed myself yet is because i wanna achieve my dreams, but at the same time i really dont care about anything anymore. Id love to be in the dirt, but i cant now, not yet.
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depression
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Hi everyone! 19yo F recently diagnosed with adhd. I was wondering if I could get some advice.
I'm a really motivated person and have some big aspirations that I'm doing my best to live up to, so far it's been going great but the problem is, I feel as though it takes me twice as long as everyone else to do things because I keep getting side-tracked or distracted and I don't even know how.
For example, I'll have my daily to do list (I make on for every day to stay on track) and will be going through the different tick boxes. During the task I'm working on, I'll somehow end up curious about something kind of on the same topic, but unrelated to the task I'm doing, and then end up researching into it. After 10-15 mins I usually realise and get back on track. The problem is things like this seem to be happening like twice an hour unless I'm in a deep work flow (happens every so often).
It really sucks because if I have a full days worth of work to get done, it'll take me the whole day and then late into the evening before I'm finished, and by that point I'm so tired I'll just go straight to bed and don't get any downtime during these more stressful times.
I would really appreciate any pointers or tips people have to help cope with this, preferably things outside of medication! Thanks guys <3
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ADHD
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I don't really know how to phrase this, so I'll try my best. I experienced trauma as a result of abuse in a marriage. My wife, after 5 years together, suddenly flipped one night after revealing she had started an affair. I've come to realize that she is deeply sick, and suffers from a personality disorder. But she was able to hide this very well for years, and appeared and acted mostly normal.
Its been a year since I left her, and I'm finding that therapy isn't really working. I've come to the realization that, essentially, my very perception of the entire relationship was wrong. But not really through any fault of my own: my wife was just very good at hiding herself. I did not expend a great effort deluding myself that it was healthy when it was clearly not: it seemed like a genuinely good relationship. I had generally firm boundaries, and I set realistic expectations, and voiced concerns as they arose. We spent many years happy together.
So I haven't really "learned" anything from this experience. I've learned that I put my trust into the wrong person, that's true. But also, that my very perception of who is and is not trustworthy, is not really reliable -- that it can be exploited and used against me too.
I keep trying to find something that I could have done differently, some area where I could point to concretely and say "this is where I made a mistake" -- but I really can't find one. Nothing major or unreasonable, that is.
Nothing I did in the relationship logically led to me being sexually assaulted, exploited, cheated on, and fearing for my life. Nothing I did warranted that reaction, so there's really nothing about me that needs "correcting" or change, in that regard. Not anything that stands out as obvious.
But regardless, those things still happened, and now I just exist with the damage, and distrust. So now what am I supposed to do? How do you move forward, and convince yourself that human intimacy like that is a worthwhile endeavor, knowing just how horribly wrong things can go in an instant?
I've been used and cheated on before, in past relationships and friendships. It hurts for a while, but you move on.
Nothing compares to what my wife did. I've never feared for my life like that, waking up in a cold sweat. I've never found someone on the kitchen floor, crying with a knife. I've never seen someone oscillate between screaming at me and calling me names, and then pouting and begging for intimacy. I've never had someone steal every last cent I had to my name, and accuse me of abusing them.
And despite coming to terms and realizing that she was always this sick, and there's nothing I could have done to help... what now? I've accepted that it wasn't my fault, and nothing I did could have caused or prevented what happened.
So what now? None of that changes my current situation: no money in my bank account, traumatized, can't hold a job, stuck living with my parents again, and physically deterioting health.
No one (at least those I talk to in person) seems to understand what I went through. Even my therapist, it feels like I'm just talking to a wall. And with the current state of the world, I can't do in-person therapy, or EMDR, or anything useful.
I don't really see any viable path forward, and no one so far has offered any realistic opportunities for me, that actually account for my current abilities and needs. I'm horribly depressed, disillusioned with the world, and see no real hope, or anything to be hopeful for.
And a part me doesn't want hope. Hope for what, exactly? To love again? For success? Stability or happiness? None of that matters to me anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile.
"Keeping busy" hasn't really helped either. I've started over 100 different artistic projects over the last year, and they all failed to hold my interest. None of them are bad ideas, and all of them are worth pursuing. I just don't care anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile, after having my whole life, future, and goals ripped out from under me.
I didn't ask for this trauma. All it's helped me realize is just how chaotic, unfair, and unpredictable the world really is. You can do everything right, be kind and compassionate, loving, and still horribly fail, and be scarred and destroyed. I don't really see any silver lining.
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ptsd
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That first day I took my meds was like my mind was wired into some kind of super-speed mode, but I actually had \*control\* over my hyperfocus. I got so much work done - multiple overdue projects, AND caught up on an ongoing one. My husband honestly said it was a little scary seeing me so insanely focused after the years he's known me and my general drifty-ness.
Like many, I found that even the next day, the 'high' was nowhere near as noticeable - but I still found it SO much easier to focus, and work, and do what I both wanted AND needed to do instead of just whatever my brain found most amusing in the moment.
6 months later... and it's still amazing. I cannot even **begin** to understand how I struggled through before. I would so much as sit at my work PC and begin yawning, getting mentally tired, before I'd even STARTED to work. On my best days I could finish one task. On my worst? I couldn't even start.
Now? I just have my pill with my first meal of the day and by the time I sit down to work, I'm perfectly focused and ready to go for my whole work day. My income has increased significantly because I can actually get my work done, my overall stress levels are down massively both because of that (Reliably positive bank balances are fun, you guys! Who knew?) and because I no longer have to fight myself just to complete simple tasks... it's amazing.
Pardon my french, but fuck everyone who ever said I was just 'easily distracted' or 'needed to focus more'.
EDIT: For all those asking, my meds are an 'in place of adderall' type of pill. I'm hesitant to share the exact name bc I don't want either anyone thinking I'm trying to hawk a particular med, or thinking I'm encouraging people to ask for specific meds >.< That's not the point of this post. Pls talk to your doctor if you think yours aren't working for you and see about a change!
|
ADHD
|
I've never been formally diagnosed with ADHD but I've done a lot of research into it (reading reliable articles, talking to other people with ADHD, and looking into similar conditions) and I think I have ADHD. I'm still a minor and I want to know how I should go about getting tested (and getting medication) to help deal with what I'm experiencing.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have any questions I'll be happy to answer them.
|
ADHD
|
Just because you can't deal with it all?
Please tell me I'm not the only one.
|
ptsd
|
My son has ADHD as well as medical issues including heart defects. I just found our from his principal today that he has been awarded student of the year by his school. It has been a tough time for him at school since the beginning - pre-diagnosis troubles, multiple surgeries, online school etc and I am beyond proud of him.
|
ADHD
|
I don't really get it; I'm sitting here in the early morning and I went to look outside the window, and I saw all these groups of young guys and girls, most of them around my age, coming from different parties, nightclubs, and stuff, all of them shouting, clearly drunk, and everything.
Where's the fun in that? What's so fun about being in cramped up spaces, drinking alcohol, and listening to usually awful loud music? I can 100% understand going to see a live show, for an example, because I sure love to do that and because you're usually getting to see musicians play live, and there's a connection between you, the crowd, the performers, and the music. I don't see any of that in just some regular party with loud music and lots of alcohol.
I know most of the people here doesn't either, but like, I don't quite get it, not from a logical point of view let alone a social one. I've never liked any of that kinda stuff and whenever I found myself in these situations I wanted to go home ASAP. Everyone seems to like it though. Why?!
|
aspergers
|
I [f19] wanted to move back home for a little while cause I thought it would help. Dropped out of school, gave up on trying to have a job after a couple weeks and my apartment lease runs out in a few months. I've been getting increasingly more depressed these past years when I lived in the city to go to school. I want to be home to give myself a break and just work on my mental health for a bit before giving school a try again. I really need a break.
Our house is awful and we're pretty much poor, but I feel like I can look past that for a bit. However, I can't look past my family. My brother is home for Christmas and being around him is making me even more depressed. My family and the fact that I don't have a room to stay at and a place to be alone is making me second guess my decision, but I feel stuck.
I can't get nor keep a job due to my depression and my mom can't help me out much more financially because of her money situation. That leaves me with no choice but to stay here. I don't get along with a big portion of my family, and there's always some drama going on. We're very dysfunctional. All of it f**ks me up mentally, and I just want to dissappear. I don't feel happy or comfortable anywhere, and my family makes me hate myself. I don't know what to do. I just want to cry and sleep. I feel so small and hopeless, and like everything I do and every decision I make turns to sh*t.
Before I used to vist friends to cope with it all. I don't do it anymore. I feel tired and socializing feels like a chore, so I end up isolating and pushing them away. I'm insecure and feel like they secretly don't like me and don't want me with them. My old best friend and I drifted apart. I miss going to friends houses and staying there. Their place and family always felt so normal, and it felt good having that short period of normality before having to go back to my own family. But that was when we were all younger. Things are different now. Life is harder.
|
depression
|
So I have really bad FOMO like super bad. It’s gotten to the point where I make the most absurd decisions like I was worried last year that I would not get the the typical college experience so I decided to join a fraternity at my college. Which was cool in the beginning but I lowkey regret now. I also keep going out to things such as bars even though I know I won’t have fun. I always hype myself up to believe that it’s gonna be a great time and I leave there saying I’m not gonna go ever again but then so do after a week or two cause my fraternity brothers or other college kids are doing it. I overthink everything all the fucking time and I can’t stop. I will start conversations with people and in the middle of it regret even starting it cause it’s too much for my brain to wanna talk to them. I just wanna get rid of this mindset of caring too much about what others think and having FOMO all the time. I always start the night pumped up but that quickly ends always. I don’t know if this is anxiety or depression or neither but I want to stop and just chill out and have a good time for myself. It’s annoying cause in high school and middle school I would never worry about stuff like this.
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone in here recovered and getting their life back to normal?
|
OCD
|
You would think it ever gets easier, but it doesn't always. I'm having a bank issue that is setting my ptsd alarms. And it maybe resolved in a day or in a week. I mean yes, future me would hopefully be better prepared and yes I shouldn't be relating this to anything triggering but here we are. I have done all I can to resolve it in terms of the actual situation and now I just need to wait for the bank to resolve it. Which was fine when I though it would resolve in couple of hours and I could deal with the anxiety and slight dissociation. But now when it might be tomorrow or in a week I'm freaking out. Because it set something off in me and I've had ptsd for long enough and in the past that has lead to days of lots of panic attacks and dissociation and anxiety until it gets resolved. I can't be like this all week. I can take off an afternoon but there are gigs to do and job applications to complete. And last time I've been in this state of hypervigilance and reactivity was before I was back on meds and that was highly unproductive time. I can't have that now, there are things that need doing and I just can't...
|
ptsd
|
Does anyone ever do a specific routine when someone comes in a room or space that they're in? I have to take my headphones off at my computer if I'm at it and say "hi" or say random trivia. My roommate pointed that out to me when I did it today.
|
OCD
|
Hey Reddit,
A couple of years ago I started using meds and it drastically altered my life. I was an outcast and a loner basically my entire life and I numbed myself with video games and escapism. I was pretty much unable to hold a conversation because I felt so angry and frustrated all the time. So I didn't really have any friends growing up. Now that i'm on meds i'm somewhat able to enter polite society but there's always that fear of going back.
I'm able to hold conversations and do well with people with people but I feel paralyzed whenever the conversation gets personal. Small talk bores the hell out of me, and although I realize it's important to have genuine conversations with each other, my rational side switches on and I just respond in factual statements rather than listening and communicating; I feel like I constantly need to win. I think about what is the most rational choice all the time and that really prevents me from being able to connect with people. I come across as normal at first glance, but I can't really make friends like this. I don't want to be always thinking about the consequences and facts.
I'm afraid of being a failure, and I think that robs me of being able to enjoy the finer things in life; cracking jokes with friends, relaxing and just having a good time. I feel as if I need to be advancing every day. I know it doesn't make sense, but I just have this unquenchable drive that I can't seem to be rid of.
I'm at a loss on what to do. I have shifted towards a more people-focused approach, but I still treat it like work in like this almost inhumane way to get what I want. It's like i've been emotionally deadened and it really prevents me from building close relationships with others. Any ideas on what I can do?
|
ADHD
|
I have been prescribed a medication for my anxiety, I know for some it can make their compulsions worse, what have you guys experienced when taking a medication? I’m scared it’s going to do more harm than good but I really need something to help with the anxiety, thanks.
|
OCD
|
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