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Today I forced down a half a Hawaiian sweet bread roll. I can't stop the suicidal thought maybe I'm just passively trying to kill my self. My stomach won't stop grumbling but I don't want to be alive right now.
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depression
|
I just really wish someone would sit with me and maybe ask if I was okay, or have any kind of empathy for how much pain I am in when I have a meltdown, but instead I just always get ignored or even punished. Is this just how it is? Or is just the people in my life?
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aspergers
|
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with interviewing, even on jobs I KNOW I am qualified or even overqualified for. I think a part of it is underlying anxiety, part of it is my constant issue with speaking too fast... but I also think my rejection sensitivity plays a role. I am so terrified of talking face to face with people while knowing that the purpose of the conversation is essentially judge whether I am up to their standards or not that I chronically underperform. The knowledge that the people I am talking to may be about to reject me professionally presents a challenge, and the mere thought of it already makes me feel like I am "not good enough" going in.
I have a really big job interview tomorrow, which would look killer on my resume and would come with a 50% pay increase from what I currently make (enough that I could finally finance my dreams of going back to school for my passion within a couple of years!). I am mostly qualified, mostly lacking in years of experience rather than specific skills so I think I have a decent shot at the position. I am just wondering if anybody here has any tips or suggestions with dealing with the rejection sensitivity part of it- I know if I can't get over it even slightly I will definitely appear less confident than I should and I will self-sabotage my own chances. This would be really big for me and I don't want to mess it up.
Thanks in advance!!! :)
EDIT: Grammar and changed my initial acronym to rejection sensitivity where I was able to in the post to please the bot. I am talking more about the symptom or trait than any sort of "diagnosis" anyways.
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ADHD
|
School mental health councilors couldent muster words of motivation better than “just do what makes you happy”. I now feel like all of the therapy I have been through boils down to just that and has been an absolute waste. I have been dealing with depression a long time and so every day has just been trying and, with few exceptions, failing. Parents, school councilors, and therapists seem to not understand that barely afloat is me doing my best.
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depression
|
Hi, everyone. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 12-13 years old. I'm currently enrolled as a physics major in a public university. The ongoing issue I've been having relates to how math is taught at a university level. Going through several segments of calculus within a short period of time is extremely overwhelming. Mathematics alone is abstract enough, but it hurts when literally one section of calculus is taught one day, then the next one is taught the next day. I end up bombing my math midterms and being in Calculus 3 atm, precision-based calculations are required for every step in terms of integration and derivation. I also happen to live in an apartment with my brother, and pay bills, so it only compounds my over-stretched levels of stress and anxiety. Does anyone else relate to these feelings and do you guys also feel like colleges and universities tend to cram in higher level math courses?
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aspergers
|
So I'm on Adderall 15mg XR, and 5mg IR for the days that I need a lil boost (diagnosed a few months ago so still trying to find what works).
I will be talking to my doctor about this, but I was wondering if any of y'all had any experience with this?
So we switched me to XR like 2 weeks after starting medication because the 5mg IR made me tired, so we changed to XR and upped the dose. But since periods like to fuck with the dopamine, this time around, doc prescribed the XR and IR, and I'm noticing that the IR is making me tired and it's also dropping my heart rate.
Today specifically, I took the 15mg XR in the morning, was fine throughout the day (for the most part), then then took 2 of the 5mg IR like immediately after drinking a large black coffee, and my heart rate dropped from like 70s-80s to 50s-60s (where it usually is without medication). Ik meds affect everyone differently, but aren't the Adderall XR and IR basically the same formula, just a difference in release mechanisms?
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ADHD
|
Every time I see or read about someone faking ADHD I get mad without realizing it. It's gotten to the point where they don't even have to fake ADHD. I get secondhand angry when I see someone faking something else!
Maybe anger isn't the correct description of what I'm feeling, but it's the closest thing. If I had to describe it, it's like anger without the "feeling" of being angry. I know it's common to get angry about things like this, but the feeling is so specific and strong that it feels unnatural. I was scrolling through r/fakedisordercringe and when I felt that feeling, I was wondering if I anyone else felt that way too.
I wanted to ask someone, but my sister probably wouldn't care and my mom is really stressing out about Christmas. So that's why I'm here! Does anyone else get that feeling?
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ADHD
|
What Facebook groups for adults with Asperger Syndrome do you recommend?
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aspergers
|
I have now realized that my OCD is actually a coping mechanism to "decontaminate" myself of my trauma. Anything that they touch, or place in which they live or are associated with is "contaminated".
I never cared about dirt & germs, or anything outside of this house(I feel great when I go to the grocery store or appointment, et cetera), and even doctors and counselors have found this surprising.
I now know why. All of this makes sense now, after 4 years of OCD rituals. It is PTSD, with OCD as a tool to "decontaminate" myself from the trauma. I wonder if others suffer from this, thinking that they simply have OCD, when the cause is PTSD.
I created the [thread on wanting to throw all of my belongings away(including my drivers license) & move out of the state](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/rdp695/my_ptsd_wants_me_to_throw_away_all_belongings/), thinking
>if I bring a contaminated object(license) with me, then it will contaminate all of my new belongings & the new place I've moved to, and it will ruin everything and feel as if I never left in the first place
but, logically, the physical object(my license), is easily clean after washing for a minute under the sink. This is trivial. It is physically clean & cannot contaminate anything as everything on it was washed away, down the drain.
My own human body is a far greater challenge to clean than a small plastic card, and yet my mind is warning me that this license will "contaminate" everything if I bring it. This is illogical. I now understand that the "contamination" is metaphysical. That object(my license) is "contaminated" with links to traumatic memories & emotions. It is a physical symbol of the trauma.
- My own body: challenging to clean, extremely "contaminated", physically & metaphysically, and cannot replace
- A drivers license: easily cleaned, metaphysically "contaminated", but easily replaced
I now realize that it is only mental trauma/pain that I will suffer, because physically cleaning something does not wash away the metaphysical fact that the object is a trigger, as it would remind me of the trauma. It cannot physically contaminate a new place, or new belongings. It is simply a trigger, and I could dispose of it as soon as I obtain a new license, et cetera.
Could it metaphysically contaminate the new belongings & new place? I do not believe so, and if this were true, then it is a hopeless endeavor, as my body is far moreso "contaminated" and I must bring this wherever I go. I *feel* at least that objects seem metaphysically isolated, in that a triggering object cannot contaminate new objects and render them triggering. Has anyone experienced this? From my perspective, it seems unlikely, as it is so abstract by that point that you could just dismiss it as a silly worry and move on with your new life.
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ptsd
|
Just want to rant if that's okay.
PTSD makes me have extreme ticks when I remember the very moment I realized my father groomed me in two weeks so he could try to rape me. I remember how I never had a fucking dad my entire life and then suddenly there he was. Spent two weeks with me treating me like his little princess. Teaching me things. Philosophy, self defense, speaking techniques, etc. Took me to the beach in a city I'd never seen, explored my state, ate my cooking, showed me a movie that's one of my favorites to this day, yet I can't watch by myself or near a blanket due to PTSD...... why couldn't he just try to love me. Why couldn't he be there for me finally. Why couldn't he be my father. He touched me. He groped me. He molested me. He would've raped me. The only good thing my father has ever done for me in my entire life was let me run away.
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ptsd
|
Got a good grade on a test? A new promotion at work? Finally finished a chore you've been putting off? We want to hear about it! Let us celebrate your successes with you!
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ADHD
|
I haven't had a friend in like 7 years and haven't had a conversation in 1.5 years is there any way to fix this?
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed early this year with ADHD and have been on meds for 6+ months. Before my ADHD diagnosis, I always tried out different things to manage my symptoms (I called them "flaws" then). I hated every part of me that didn't fit into societal standards for "good" — forgetting things, talking excessively, fearing social interactions, etc.
I read dozens of self-help books, read a dozen more blog posts, and signed up for email self-improvement courses that I never completed. It was/is like being on a treadmill; I was constantly looking to improve every tiny aspect of my life. For want of a better word, I'd describe it as "a perfectionist circus."
After the ADHD diagnosis, the pressure to jump on the self-improvement train was higher. Every day, I caught myself trying this or that coping mechanism. Of course, I didn't notice long-term improvement because a) I was focusing on too many things at once b) I rarely developed consistency, which prevented meaningful progress.
I still struggle with trying to optimise my life to fit the perfect ideal in my head. However, I've failed at that long enough to know that I cannot be perfect like my neurotypical friends. My flaws won't magically disappear, but I can accept them instead of spending every waking hour hating myself for being this way and finding a non-existent cure for them.
Thinking this way has reduced my desire for perfection in all areas and improved my mental health — at least to some extent. If I take steps to manage these flaws, I don't expect them to work in an instant, so I find it easier to develop consistency.
I don't know if someone out there would find this helpful, but whatever happens, it feels great to contribute to this super-helpful community. :)
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ADHD
|
For the past few months, my depression and intrusive thoughts are at an all time high with most of them being unwanted sexual thoughts or either extremely suicidal thoughts of me harming myself or others harming me due to the guilt of having those unwanted thoughts and it's just making my quality of life just plummet and plummet and actually making me think of suicide. I'm 16 and due to covid the past year I've had no friends and have trouble making them so I'm mostly alone with my thoughts, I don't have a job due to my grades, and I just can't focus on anything with my mental state. I just wish there was an option to be normal again but I'm clueless. Can anyone relate or know how I could get help?
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OCD
|
Does anyone else deal with this? I know it’s a well known side effect and that concerta can be used to help binge eating but it’s just crazy. It’s like my stomach is hungry but no food is appealing to me. I genuinely can’t eat. Usually later in the day when the meds wear off is when I eat more. But does anyone have ways to help this? For me I’ve found drinking protein shakes is good and I can stomach that but I need more options.
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ADHD
|
A few weeks back I think I was in a bad way. I was admitted to hospital. On deaths door. Wanted out and hated life. After countless phone calls to numerous people saying 'we'll get someone in a contact with you' over and over again I just thought fuck you useless cunts and your bloody piss taking waiting game you're making me sit through. I did some research and asked my veterans support worker and he told me about a book by professor Paul Gilbert called 'overpowering depression' 3rd edition. It's looks like a clinical book and this isn't an answer to everyone because it focuses on cognitive behavioural therapy and some people don't take to that. Look I'm still not 100% but it's helping. Maybe someone might read this and be more suited to reading about their condition. First part explains the different types and how to body responds to depression. 2 and 3 parts help use techniques to control the responses.
This might help someone. It helped me.
Edit: grammar
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depression
|
I want to remember the good things like funny memories with my friends, and when they bring up an inside joke I dont remember I feel shitty cause i can tell it bums them out. I can never recollect anything from my favorite movies and people think im being pretentious when I say I love a certain movie. They will quote something from it and I wont have clue what theyre talking about unless its a super popular quote :/ I honestly just dont have any good core memories with anything really. I dont know. I hate it I just want to get better and i feel like remembering the good things in life would help if only my brain would allow it. Is there anything i can do to help me with this?
TLDR: Is there a way to have better memory while struggling with depression?
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depression
|
It feels a long time since I last posted here, distraught, having attempted suicide.
I haven't tried in the past 2 years despite many a sleepless night where I wanted desperately to die.
While I still live on I cannot escape the crushing weight of it. Everyday I wake is a curse and no matter how I try to shift my perspective it will not leave.
Why? Why must I suffer at hands of no one but my own mind. How is it I find my self in this position and why it so insurmountable to overcome. Stuck between a rock and a hard place seemingly unable to move on.
How do I move on?
Can I?
No explaination provides insight.
No solution, solace.
I am weary.
31 years of life and all I can see are the past three. Memories have faded and those that remain feel as though they are fantasy.
To live is to suffer.
So why do I live?
How do I live?
I do not know.
I do not know...
|
depression
|
Always dealt a shit hand but keep going cause I feel I'm gonna get a good hand eventually, then I get dealt a good hand in life and I go all in and it just crumbles and I'm back at it again with this shit hands lol how much longer can I take it before I give up I wonder.
​
oh well time for more alcohol i guess
|
depression
|
I know if you tell your therapist you have a suicide plan you’ll get sent but is there anything else? Last night I was on the verge of self harming last night for the first time but I got scared. If I told my therapist this what would happen? Would I get sent?
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depression
|
Hello,
I've been diagnosed with OCD for over two years now, it's been quite a journey.
One of my most recent and horribly debilitating themes is harm OCD. It's mostly thoughts about me harming someone else by accident. So I crocheted a bunny (amigurumi) for a friend of mine and I sprayed it with linen spray so it has a nice smell. Now anyone wouldn't think much of this, but minutes later the intrusive thoughts hit and all I could think about was what if the linen spray reacts chemically with the yarn and cotton and ends up harming someone. I know this sounds so stupid, I truly do. but the intrusive thoughts just won't stop and I have this horrible nonstop anxiety and I don't know how to stop it. Can anyone help?
|
OCD
|
Hi all! Recently diagnosed with both ADD and spending/eating compulsions are my biggest issues. I've been lucky enough to avoid getting in debt so far, but I have no savings and this month I'm already at the limit I can spend (...but not my credit cards' limit). I'm also lucky to still be healthy, but I am obese due to compulsive eating, usually a lot of food in one go (I don't snack and while I have tried before, I never managed to do it) and salty things. Both eating and spending comfort me in the moment, but only in the moment (and frankly the uncontrolled spending is stressful and ramping up my anxiety)
So, any tips on impulse control? Especially covering those two. Getting diagnosed was a weight of my shoulders cause I know why I act like this, but my health insurance doesn't cover therapy and no meds seem to work for more than a month to curb my appetite (and none worked for any amount of time for buying)
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ADHD
|
I (33f) live in California. Most of my family lives in Maine and one sister is in Texas. I love my family. Lately I’ve been getting into these bouts of depression because my family gets together often and I can’t afford to fly across the country. For context I’m a PreK teacher, so I’m obviously not rolling in the dough. I’m married and love my husband’s family but when mine gets together without me I fall apart. I feel left out, unworthy, and just depressed. I sit in bed all day crying. I feel awful, not only because of the family issue, but also because my husband is having to now deal with my depressed self crying in bed all day. What do I do? I can’t keep doing this. I’m an adult and I need to manage my emotions, but I can’t stop crying. It doesn’t help that my mom has stage 4 lung cancer so every moment with her is precious. I just want to be able to handle my emotions like an adult but here I am crying into my pillow like a little girl. I just want to get out of my head and let this not be a big deal, but I can’t. I don’t even know why I’m writing and posting this. I think I’m just hoping someone can understand how I feel so I don’t feel so alone.
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ADHD
|
I have nightmares almost all night, every night, caused from PTSD. It leads to me feeling exhausted all day. I sleep too much, averaging 11 hours, and every time I wake up with a racing heart from a nightmare, I fall back asleep and land in another nightmare.
I'd like to try getting up and walking around to calm down before falling asleep again to see if that helps the nightmares not continue, but I never wake up enough to actually do anything to change until late morning.
Any advice for waking up from nightmares, or getting rid of them altogether?
|
ptsd
|
I have severe ptsd and i have a 4 yr old daughter long story short my ex has kept her from me 3 years and i have filed over 30 petitions to get rights. I was just denied again today and i have never been suicidal but im honestly considering just giving up. Idk what to do anymore
|
ptsd
|
I’m basically self sabotaging myself so bad almost like I’m trying to make my fiancé break up with me. I keep giving him reasons why he should. I can’t stop, ive done tbis so many times. I don’t want to lose him but I keep trying to get him to leave.
|
depression
|
Nothing ever feels rewarding and I feel like I've never been able to fully immerse myself in the 'here and now' and look at what I've got or what I'm doing through my own present-day eyes.
I feel like I'm only ever looking at what to do next and it always feels overwhelming and too much because it's unachievable ***right now***.
Without being able to look at the process as individual steps and appreciate and enjoy the daily action needed to achieve anything, how am I supposed to enjoy life when life is (kind of) just a process without an ultimate end goal? All I strive for is imaginary end goals but they don't really exist; or maybe they do but when I achieve them I'm already looking at the next thing so I by-pass my achievements all together.
I feel like I overlook so much of my life while it's happening just distracted by the future.
How do people manage to stay present in activities? How do you stop your brain from constantly looking at the future? Is this something anyone else struggles with? Since the pandemic, my days are almost exactly the same which feels like I'm in a never ending loop of boringness, but I can't get out of it without repeating these same boring days to earn money.
I also feel like I can't function without these big 'end goals' as motivation, but I'm starting to notice so much of my life flies by focusing on the future.
Every day feels the same and procrastination has now taken over my life because these big goals are too overwhelming without external structure and external people holding me accountable.
I'm not sure anything I have written has made any sense but I just felt like I needed to write it down and express my feelings a bit, and if you've got this far, I hope you have a nice day and thank you for reading.
|
ADHD
|
I have recently met a **young** adult who has disclosed some troubling aspects of her thinking, and I am in a position where I am feeling uncomfortable and unsure about what it could mean.
Hints at sexual trauma ranging from incest to rape have apparently lead her to conclude that her 'morals' are simply not good and that she insists she believes that men are entitled to rape and has continually gotten herself into trouble in the past by dating 43/45 year olds, some who have even encouraged discussion about taking kids?
The thing is though she talks as if she knows why it's wrong, but is very convicted that she feels the way she does.
Otherwise she appears to have average, troubled teen habits and behaviours.
I'm sorry if this is a rough topic or not allowed, I'm just very concerned right now as to the proximity of this person to my current living situation. Does this sound like a familiar situation and should I be addressing it or just hoping it won't progress into something tangible.
|
ptsd
|
(18F)
I’ve been mentally and physically ill for the past 7 years and have intense imposter syndrome about every diagnoses. all of my immediate family are chronically ill and it feels like my dad needs it to be a competition where he can be the only winner
anyway, i’m deteriorating mentally and physically and only have contact with my mum and my boyfriend - 0 friends or communication other than at work
mum had to take me to the hospital and we had a really ugly fight and i split so intensely. it ended with me cry-yelling at a nurse to send mum home
my memories feel like dreams
but this phrase is terrifyingly lucid
i need to get out, i don’t know who i am anymore but i know i need to protect them from this nightmare
the DR who sent mum home wrote
“I have recommended Mum see a therapist to help her cop with the emotional toll her daughter has taken”
she is the purest loving person on the earth. How dare i do this.
help
|
depression
|
So - so far, my experience with OCD has been very up and down. Because often when I think I’m making progress, I’m doing something compulsive without realising it.
And I’ve got a plan. What I’ve been doing wrong is, I’ve been trying to deal with all my compulsions at once. This may be more feasible if it’s just a few - but a lot of my compulsions are internal and sometimes I don’t even realise I’m doing them. So with that said. Here’s my plan.
Write down one compulsion. Focus on not doing it for three days. Track progress at the end of each day. If it’s doable by the end of the third day, move on to the next. If needed, add another 3 days. And so on. That way, I’ll eventually get around to dealing with each compulsion. Otherwise I’ll keep going around in circles.
|
OCD
|
I have a really bad case of HIV OCD which I had managed to keep under control and get rid of but recently I went to a chinese doctor/acupuncturist for the treatment of my insomnia as I also suffer from chronic insomnia.
I thought my OCD would be fine and went through with the acupuncture session. Later at night, my OCD brain googled whether HIV transmission would be possible through acupuncture needles and ofcourse google said yes. I freaked out and called the doctor up asap.
The doctor told me that no clinic in this country reuses the needles. He said that all needles, in the clinic, are for single-use and are thrown away. I asked him like 3 times. Later I went to the clinic and asked him again.
But my OCD brain isnt convinced unless I see it myself. It occupies my mind all the time. Affecting my work and energy, focus, etc
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OCD
|
Not diagnosed yet but think I might have this.
Not only is the handwashing compulsion really annoying but this week I was cleaning my aquarium and then thought of one of those brain-eating amoebas came up. They have 97% fatality, now it's time to research hours on this during my school's testing season. Literally, now I can't even take care of my pet without having a full-blown panic attack.
Don't remember getting any water in my nose but as always, "what if?" I think I touched my face a few times while cleaning the tank and a bit of water splashed while changing it. Now I can't even touch my nose and every time mucus or something moves upward I have an anxiety attack.
Now if my stupid brain won't shut up about an organism that mostly lives in the U.S. (in Canada rn) but who knows where my fish came from (maybe the US?)
Just a rant at myself. Screw me and my thoughts, whatever. I guess I'll relax when the maximum incubation (15 days), only to realize that I have to clean the tank every week.
|
OCD
|
I've been trying to convince my parents for something, but they keep saying no because I've been bad lately. I often have a hard time behaving and my impulse control is non-existent and I can't control myself from doing things that aren't allowed at home like swearing. If they ask me to do something, I'm sometimes too lazy to do it, and I'm personally jealous at others who actually get things from their parents, while I can't because I just FUCKING. CAN'T. BEHAVE! It's just fucking impossible to control myself from doing bad things. How the fuck do I control myself?
|
ADHD
|
Everytime I know something will happen at some time, I have to struggle a lot to keep my focus. It gets worse when it's uncertain, for example when I know it happens between 5-7 p.m. but not exactly when. It doesn't relate to anxiety, I mean even waiting for trivial things (pizza delivery, when I'm not starving ofc. :D) do this to me.
|
ADHD
|
I think that flair works for this.
Anyway, the other day, I was sitting in my comfy chair and home, and my cat who is usually outside all the time, I assume because she hates me, had been inside all day, and was sitting on the arm of the chair next to me, taking the form of a hairy loaf. I was eating some kind of generic chilli cheese Frito things, and I dropped one of my chest. My cat went from sitting there being asleep or otherwise faking sleep so that she could scratch me when I least expected it, to zeroing in on this chip, standing on my chest and violently chewing it in like half a second.
I was like "That fucking Beach Ball must be bullying you and stealing all the food again. Have more chip." It's important to note that Beach Ball is my wife's cat, who has come to resemble his name, as he is roughly 24 lbs of round chonkiness. He'll eat as long as there is food down and will keep my cat (named Lucy, but I refer to as Big One because we got beach ball as a kitten and she was bigger at the time and he was "tiny guy") from eating by just slapping her over or running through her on his way to the food.
So I'm sitting there feeding my cat chip after she chip and she loves it. She probably ate close to 1/4 of a decently big bag. This entertained me. As the afternoon went on and I acquired more snacks, I would continue to share with my cat. Popcorn, fried chicken tenders with extra fancy sauce (ketchup, mayo, garlic, salt, pepper, whatsthisheresauce), ramen (the good green spicy kind), some leftover blizzard from DQ that I think had chocolate in it.
Yeah, so like none of that is useful in a cat's diet and at least half of it is toxic or otherwise non-digestible or causes upset stomach in cats. I was just having a great time feeding her all this shit and she seemed like she was having a great time, and I didn't even think about what I was feeding her. I was just sitting there watching her eat noodles and lick up a bunch of my cool fancy sauce going "aw yeah, big one. You like those big one snacks. You're going to be an even bigger one. Don't tell beach ball. He can't have any. Eat your snacks. Yeah. You love the spicy noodle juice." It was a good time, honestly.
She didn't die, so that's something, but now she's obviously bloated and lethargic and doesn't want to go outside anymore. I'm not sure if that's because she feels bad or if it's because she wants more of my snacks. I know she does want more of my snacks because she totally stole an onion ring right out of my hand yesterday and ate the entire thing before I could get to her.
I accidentally turned her into a glutton.
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ADHD
|
This is gonna be a bit of a long post so sorry.
Basically I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and Psychosis going back a few months now. I had some treatment to begin with in the form of EMDR Therapy which worked well to help take some of the distress out of the flashbacks and memories of my past but now it’s coming back to me.
I’m very isolated and I struggle to find people I want to connect with, those that I have connected with in the past ended up betraying my trust and abandoning me. I recently started smoking again to help cope but things aren’t getting easier.
This is more me just crying out for help to the cosmos. I don’t have anyone to really talk to and I’m getting more and more stressed with daily life and with flashbacks and horrid thoughts of both self harm and harm to others. I feel very lost and I am very afraid of having another episode because when I do I lose myself completely and it’s a horrible experience.
|
ptsd
|
When I cant fucking feel anything wtf.. I would have rather never been born. I don't even feel real. I question if I'm somehow dead because I don't feel alive. I never feel anything positive. Only numbness or very bad feelings. So whats the point. It never gets better don't bs me. Professional help is so useless. I'm so tired of being this way. Depression kills any good part of me. So I'm gonna be a virgin forever because women can smell that shit. I'm a dead inside weak zombie. I'm tired of life
|
depression
|
Hello yes hi so ive been in distress for months for not being able to cry so last night i texted my bestie from bacj home to see if i could facetime her andntalk to her about things and when i did i full on started sobbing my eyes out and it was the best feeling ever
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ptsd
|
Update! So I went to my cvs by my house and they are always so kind there. The other cvs I used to go to where we had our apartment is the next town over. They fired the pharmacist that treated us all as drug addicts
just hate all the restrictions on our meds. I have been on Ritalin concerta and adderall since age 9. I reminder being a kid and getting it. Wasn’t a problem. Now it’s such a hassle. I mean I think it could be the laws where I live in PA. But I do my pills every Sunday for the week in my pill case. I then look at my bottles and see what needs to be refilled my rule of thumb with my adderall is I fill one week and then when I I have one capsule left for the following call my psych NP. I am lucky she is a colleague of mine. So I am just complaining because I like to do cvs pre pay go to drive thru and get my meds. No issue with my anti depressants my meds for my alcoholism and other stuff. But my adderall oh I have to go inside the store and pick it up. I just wish these restrictions could be lifted.
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ADHD
|
I wish my family died. I wish all my friends died. I wish I had nobody. I just want peace.
Humans make me mad. I wish a giant meteor hit the Earth so it wipes out the whole humanity.
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depression
|
I did an all nighter to finish a project for school. Went to bed 8am and wanted to sleep a bit before class at 12:30
Didn't take my Vyvanse so I could rest and now having huge dopamine crash and I am screaming in my brain to move and go to class but I'm just laying here... Yet somehow I can write this post but not get out of bed an go to biology like I very desperately need to. It's now 12:40 and I'm still laying here full of panic for missing class but also equal part not giving a single care about it.
Anxiety doesn't want to walk in late nor does it want to miss the class, depression brain doesn't want to go anywhere at all and wants to cry for missing it and telling me I'm a bad student.
Why is my unmedicated brain like this ? I hate that I cannot miss a dose without my entire day being screwed up with task paralysis and dopamine crashes
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ADHD
|
So when I first went to the doctor because I thought I had OCD, she brought me in and talked through what I was feeling. She though that there was a good chance I had it and referred me to a counsellor. With him I filled out loads of forms and questionnaires and had an interview type thing with him. He told me I have OCD as well as social anxiety, low self esteem and underlying depression. He then put me in like a OCD course/group therapy thing(lockdowns and that) but he never said anything about getting diagnosed. When I asked him about it he told me that there was no need to get a diagnosis. Even with a doctor and counsellor telling me I have it, I still feel like a massive imposter saying and thinking that I have ocd.
Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and that this happened in Ireland so if there's any Irish folk around, I was wondering what their experience with diagnosing was.
|
OCD
|
I just need someone to talk too that I don’t have to pay to help me get through trauma.
|
ptsd
|
hey people i need some help... I've been diagnosed with OCD for a few months now and was on fluoxetine to stop the intrusive thoughts just for my national exams. however I think it's slightly better now and I have stopped taking prozac but I have one issue not sure if cheek biting is due to anxiety or whatever but u know how when the surface of the cheek is not smooth so u have the constant urge to pick at it? not sure if people with OCD experience the same but it's quite tiring. unfortunately this has persisted for about a decade now and I can't seem to stop... and my inner cheeks is looking like the surface of Mars right now 💀 . it hurts but I don't really mind as my pain tolerance is quite high but it's constantly bleeding. and as of now this urge is getting stronger? I'm literally biting it as I type this. I don't want to see a psychologist just for this issue as I feel i can handle my thoughts quite well. my new resolution is to officially quit biting this holiday although it's tough... anyone experiences the same and have any tips to share in order to stop this horrible "habit"? thanks!
|
OCD
|
I’m 19 and in college, and I’m dropping all of my classes because there’s no way I can get my grades up to what they need to be. (Doing prerequisites for nursing.) I’m sitting waiting to see if I can talk to a counsellor at my college just because I’m on the verge of having a full blown panic attack. My mother doesn’t understand ADHD at all. She thinks it’s just a matter of “laziness” and “not being able to focus” or “not applying myself”. I genuinely try to force myself to pay attention, do the work, be a good student but I end up getting stuck… my brain tells me I need to do something, and my body says “no.” She said if I do poorly in my classes, she will force me to give her access to my account so that she can talk to my new teachers for next semester and watch my grades, but when she’d do that when I was in high school she’d yell at me and harass me about everything. I understand why she’s mad since she’s paying for it. And I’m terrified if I say I’ll just pay for it, she’ll kick me out or say how ungrateful I am. I don’t know how to explain to her how I feel, especially when she thinks I’m just… bullshitting her right now.
|
ADHD
|
Ok so I’m 18, in my first year of college, and got my first real job. I can’t save my money so matter what I try and my parents are furious about it which is understandable. I feel so guilty and frustrated at myself and I feel like giving up. I already dropped 3 of my 4 classes only in my first quarter of college. My parents hate me, I hate me, I feel like everyone I know secretly hates me. I just feel empty, I don’t enjoy anything, I’m constantly dissociating so I don’t have to feel anything while I’m being screamed at about not being responsible. If I’m going to just repeat my mistakes over and over then why even care anymore.
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depression
|
EDIT: I'm not really looking to talk about my weight. I am mostly trying to understand if this is a common experience that I'll see at many pychatrists if I continue seeking ADHD meds.
I am new to this subreddit and newly diagnosed. I was excited because I thought I could get somewhere with therapy and medication. I have a new therapist who is helping a lot but my pychiatrist who I've seen for years for anxiety and depression will not prescribe me ADHD medication.
She first went on a rant about ADHD diagnosis being concentrated in certain areas of the US which makes me believe she thinks it's overdiagnosed. Then she essentially accused me of being a drug seeker, which I don't even really drink so that was very odd. And then she said she was worried about my heart because stimulants can cause cardiovascular problems for people with heart issues. But I don't have heart issues. I am fat but I'm 25 and all my other tests are normal, I don't have a heart issue.
I got a message from her office today, 2 weeks after that appointment, and she will not prescribe it and she is referring me to bariatric surgery. I think this is super inappropriate considering my age, my weight and my history with eating disorders. But I can't tell if I'm just too close to this or it is actually inappropriate.
Are there any other larger bodied ADHD-ers out there who have had this experience?
|
ADHD
|
That's it, really. On the surface I look like I don't need help, so I don't receive help. I know it's the same for most other autistic adults, especially if we were only diagnosed as adults.
Yes, I'm pleased that I have decent executive functioning but I hate that it's the only factor people consider when judging my quality of life. Loneliness is now known to affect people's health, physical as well as mental, but as long as we contribute to society nobody gives a shit that society gives nothing back.
|
aspergers
|
So I've been thinking about receiving help again after like 6 years.
I can remember a time when I was fairly normal, then some nonsense happened at 16\*, I got diagnosed with depression and general/seperation anxiety at I wanna say 18? They gave me meds, I saw a therapist, etc normal stuff. After a year or so I decided to just stop going and stop taking medication since I felt like the doctor and therapist weren't of much help and the medications they prescribed had a tendency to make me have no real emotion vs what feels like severely watered down emotions and shutting down occasionally
Just really tired of.... idk going through the motions? not really enjoying things, not wanting/being afraid to develop relationships. Hell, I don't even know if I know who I am. I have to exaggerate my response to jokes and things people say so I match what looks like a normal response. I feel like I don't actually have a strong opinion on lots of things, I just choose one and stick to it for a facade of normalcy.
I have some "work friends" that ive occasionally hung out with outside of work, and a few of them have invited me to social interactions, play video games, etc but I just kinda make up some terrible excuse as to why I don't want to. Once in a blue moon I'll break out of it, and feel genuine drive to do things I used to love, and wants to do things with specific people, but as soon as i try acting on these desires, it feels like im grabbing at smoke since theyll disappear as quick as they came.
|
depression
|
hell yeah we out here lookin fam
real threat assessors only
|
ptsd
|
How do you know when you're dealing with actual depression? When does whining and self loathing (which are treated as self-inflicted) turn into depression? I don't know if I'm just being a drama queen or if I'm dealing with something more serious. All I know is I don't recall being this down for this long before. And it's really tough to judge because I'm really good at hiding it. Most people that know me would probably say I'm doing just fine. Living a good life. But when I'm alone, I hate myself. I don't like where I'm at in life. I want to talk to those around me but every time I let a little out, or let someone get closer I get judged. I get told I'm doing this to myself. It's all my own fault and I just need to be happy. I created my own problems.
But frankly I feel worthless. You wouldn't know it talking to me in person, but my confidence is through the floor. The only reason I haven't killed myself already is fear. I've thought about it, but I'm too scared. I wish there was a reset button on my life so I could go back and fix things. Redo choices. But I can't.
Even now, I'm just whining to you. I'm not depressed, right? I'm just bitching and moaning, and I need to quit being dramatic. Fuck I hate me.
|
depression
|
I’ve found this to be the top tip in helping me clean. I’ll spend what feels like hours cleaning, only to look over and feel like I did nothing.
Now, I make sure to take before photos, after photos, and then look at them side by side - and I can ALWAYS see the difference. It’s also highly motivating; it’s almost as if I’m “competing” with myself to make the biggest difference from the before photo.
Another way to spark that competitive ADHD brain is to send the before and after pictures to someone, because if you want that “wow, what a good job!” reaction, you KNOW you gotta make sure there’s a difference!
Something I also do, is have the before picture open next to me on my iPad, and look at it and go “what’s the biggest mess that jumps out at me in this picture” and clean that first. I’m not trying to clean my house, no, I’m trying to IMPROVE the picture I’m going to take.
Looking at it like that for me really does light up a bulb in my brain, cause I want to “optimise” that after picture as much as I can.
Also, the picture doesn’t even have to be a whole room. Take a before picture of your desk, try and make the after picture as “WOW, what a big difference, so much better” as you can, and I’ll bet that gets some of you working so much harder at tidying than before!
|
ADHD
|
I feel more rigid than a caveman with a phone placed in current times. Sure, I can accept, try many things, but I'm like waiting for emotions/mood to just switch solely because of that. After a while it's again: "No! I'm not like that, wtf am I doing?" and get back to conservative routine and limited thinking - that stiffness gets revenge even strongly and I'm even more stubborn after trying to think outside the box or changing things up. Any hope or I just need to keep forcing and forcing myself repeatedly?
|
aspergers
|
It's almost Christmas and I feel numb. I graduate next year and I feel numb. I have friends and family who love me and I feel numb. I have a partner who adores me and I feel numb. I wake up and I feel numb. Is there anything that can make me feel anything anymore?
|
depression
|
I've been on a couple of other ADHD meds before (generic versions of ritalin and dexedrine) and they didn't do anything, even after several dose raises. I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to be looking out for, if I'm supposed to feel different or something.
it's definitely doing *something*, my appetite is 100% gone, but I don't think it's been doing anything else yet. or maybe it is. I don't know.
anyone have any anecdotes? 🥲
|
ADHD
|
can somebody say what medication they are on and how it has changed their function and compare the different types?
also, is there a way that I can show the psychiatrist that I need it?
im worried that after so long trying to get an appointment they will decide that I don’t need it, I need to find a way to show how much I need it
|
ADHD
|
You know that feeling you get. Where you chest just feels so heavy yet entirely empty all at the same time..? I'm there right now and really really don't want to do anything stupid but I'm having trouble even typing this because my eyes keep watering.
I got a damn speeding ticket but I swear I wasn't going as fast as he says i was going. But no one believes me. My parents are making me feel even worse and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I've graduated college. Magna cum laude. I did everything right and yet I still fuck up. I try so hard to stay in the lines. To stay out of trouble and yet here I am. I swear, I feel like i would be better off dead.
|
depression
|
So it's 2018 (I was 24), and I'm falling apart because my dad (best friend) has killed himself 6 months before. 6 months before that my wife asked for a devorce (something that broke my heart). I can't seem to get it together. I'm not doing anything crazy just slowly developing my alcoholism. I'm at my step mothers house and take two of her Xanax bars. One I popped right away and the other I stuffed in my pocket for later, this was my first time with Xanax. I had been drinking all day. I black out and wake up in jail. Wtf. Apparently I started freaking out at the house all fucked up and tried to drive so they called the cops as a last resort, I got a PI. No big deal. Well they didn't search me before they locked me up and I still had the other bar in my pocket.
They gave me possession of a controlled substance inside of a correctional facility. Which is a second degree felony. I get probation for a lower charg (possession of a controlled substance) instead of the felony. Hell yea.
Fast forward to April of 2021. Still on probation for the charge above and am drinking like crazy but still functioning. I get 3 dwi in 2 months. All of them I was pulled over for stuff like "no light on my liscense plate", "wide right turn", and all of them 2 blocks away from the bar. I didn't feel fucked up at all, I was driving fine. But I still was over the limit every time. To top all this off, this all happened in Texas. I'm fucked.
The past 6 months I've sobered up, moved into a sober living home, and actually found a bit of happiness sober. I haven't had that since I was married. I've done all the right things but I think it's for nothing.
My court date to see if I get my probation reinstated is December 2nd. I don't think I'm coming back from it guys. I think I'm probably gonna have to do anywhere between 2-5 years. I'm a skinny, short, white kid that looks like he comes from money (I don't, I just play into it so I can talk to girls). I'm not gonna do well in prison. I'm honestly terrified.
I've contemplated suicide but my dad already did that. it would devastate my family more than normal. I've been fine mentally until last week. I can't eat, sleep, or do anything I enjoy. I've been trying to stay positive but It's way easier said than done.
TLDR: I racked up some charges and im fucked. Court date is coming up and I guess this is a sort of goodbye to Reddit.
|
depression
|
I've only been able to resist / stop compulsing a few times in my life. I remember feeling like shit while compulsing, literally telling myself to stop in my head, knowing it's unhealthy but I just couldn't stop until I felt satisfied..
I'm going on 20, started showing symptoms at 8 and I've never felt as good as I feel today. I still have a lot of things to work on but with the long term help of medication, therapy and apps/tools on my phone I was able to resist or stop compulsing multiple times today.
Chain smoking ? Smoked a lot less today, had crazy urges tho
Binge eating ? Stopped after 4 chips
Walking in circles / repetitive movements? Only happened during an important phone call
I gave in to cleaning but it wasn't excessive...
For the first time ever, I was confident in my ability to stop. Resisting gave me a feeling of relief and happiness, almost more than compulsing actually...
I also noticed that I was not as anxious as usual, but I did feel a bit depressed and bored from "not doing anything" / not engaging in rituals. It made me feel uneasy but it's kinda rewarding now that I think about it
I don't know exactly why I feel better recently but I'm very proud of myself for the huge progress I have made in the past few months and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts
Don't give up, there's a possibility that things are going to get better soon! Until then, keep trying, I promise it's worth it
|
OCD
|
I don't want to die, I just don't want to live either. I'm tired all the time and just want to law on the marble floor all day.
I use to like painting minis, I use to like kick boxing, I use to like certain games. I can't bring myself to do any of it anymore.
I feel sick half the time, and everyone keeps pressuring me to go to college and I wanna puke just thinking of it. I'm tired of school in all forms.
Nothing makes me feel happy or satisfied, or temporary relief of stress. Finishing school work isn't satisfying, after it is done I'm only relived of that stress, nothing else. No happiness, just a feeling of a tiny rock removed from the ever going pile on my chest.
I don't believe anyone cares, they just tolerate me out of pity and leave me the second they have a good reason to.
I'm getting anger more often, I'm getting upset and my head hurts more often these days. Headaches and migraines are a weekly thing now, often I wake up with them.
I don't know what to do, I can't see a therapist right now, they're all busy.
|
depression
|
Do you see others with ADHD succeeding and feel like, even though you also have it you’re just especially lazy?
I am 25 and was diagnosed primarily inattentive type last year. If I look objectively a lot of my behaviour makes sense, but I still feel like i’m making excuses and I’m just an inherently lazy person unrelated to my ADHD.
I started medication recently, but it’s still hard for me to start a project.
From past experience I feel like failure and boredom are inevitable.
I know I am intelligent, I see people making content and art and all things I would like to do, but just can’t bring myself to.
Does anyone else experience this? Or have any tips how to get past it? Would simply like to know I’m not alone. Thanks ADHD fam.
Sidenote: As well as this I have pretty intense anhedonia but I would love to ‘wake up’ from it. If you also experience that, I am interested in how you cope.
|
ADHD
|
I am so fucked.
Given, I fucked myself with failing 2 times. First time was due to dumbness, second was due to depression, nervousness and too much adrenaline.
Now they give me an oral exam instead of a test. I looked up how this shit works, and apparently, it's not just "do you know X" this time, but rather I have to talk with another professor & convince them that I really know my shit.
And yeah. That includes everything my dumbass is bad at. I need "convincing" body language, need to be structured and display social skills of talking WITH someone, instead of just answering shit. This includes directing the conversation, acting on someone's argument etc.
Like...why don't you just kick me of the campus right now instead of making me fail AND judge my autistic ass in one go.
|
aspergers
|
For the vast majority of sufferers, HOCD turns out to be false.
But for me it turns out I was actually Bi (more on the gay side). But my OCD made me repress that side of myself until I was 17. And even then I was slow in exploring it.
Ironically now my OCD is making me worry about the wasted time, that *OCD* made me waste.
|
OCD
|
Since season 4 starts today (9th July) I was wondering what other people on the spectrum thought of the show.
I enjoy the show, my main issues are the unrealistic amount of support Sam gets / the amount support available to Sam. I find the portrayal Keir Gilchrist does of a young man with autism to be accurate of an individual with autism. Compared to other shows it's nice to see the person with autism portrayed as intelligent but not savant.
|
aspergers
|
Hey guys, I know this is a really stupid thing to be stressed about, but I'm absolutely breaking down about it :( sorry for it being long, TL;DR at bottom
I have ADHD on top of my depression and it's making it so, so difficult for me to keep my daily hygiene routine up. I think I could manage to keep it going, but what's really killing me is the timing; for some reason the only time of the day I ever really get the urge to shower and take care of myself is midday/afternoon, which is typically at the peak of my energy.
This would be great if I didn't feel like shit for thinking midday showers are weird? Like, I instantly just feel overcome with guilt and dread for even considering not showering at a normal time like in the morning or evening even though I can't? I know that's so ridiculous because showering once daily is better than not showering at all regardless of what time you shower but my dumb fucking mentally ill brain is absolutely agonizing over it.
My question is: does anyone know any legitimately good reasons to shower midday besides the fact that I should shower once a day regardless? Like, if there are any studies or articles out there on the benefits versus showering earlier/later? I probably sound like a lunatic but I'm just trying to convince myself that it's okay because my health and hygiene are making my depression 100x worse.
TL;DR pls reassure me that it's ok to shower in the afternoon bc i'm too depressed to shower at any other time and my stupid ADHD brain says daily midday showers are a crime
|
depression
|
Could anyone please tell me why living life is worth it and why i shouldnt take my life, this is the 2nd time everything is falling apart for me and i dont think i can take it anymore
|
depression
|
I cannot believe that I have dealt with this disorder for upwards of two decades and, within 12 weeks, it almost disappears! I was convinced that I would have to live with it forever. Thank you CBT, BLESS THE NHS!
I still have OCD but I feel much much more in control of it, and as a consequence the subconscious urge to do a compulsion and the intrusive thoughts have faded considerably. It may not work for everyone, but I’m so glad I found something that worked for my brain.
|
OCD
|
I'm trying to make my way through an anime and it's just so incredibly tedious. I think I'm enjoying watching this. But whenever something crosses my mind, I'd have to go and do google searches, then I would be lost for a long time before finally returning to watch the show and by then I would have forgotten most of the plot.
|
ADHD
|
All I can think about is how insignificant and inferior I am
|
depression
|
I just wanted to express my appreciation for this subreddit and everyone in it. None of you are alone! I'm so grateful to be able to exchange feelings and support with you all. This disorder is extremely heavy on the body mind and spirit but I am praying for us all. Each day feels like we can't continue, the thoughts, compulsions, rituals. It's so much to carry and it's unbelievably hard to try and go on but one thing I can also say is that each of us is a warrior. You are a WARRIOR. You are all so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Only you know how you feel and how much it takes to keep pushing...but you do keep pushing... because you are freaking amazing!!! No matter how much OCD controls you, it's still YOUR life. You have a personality, you have feelings, you are not crazy, you are supported and loved...even if it is just support and love from those like you. Nobody can truly understand it unless they experience it. So that's deep, real love and support. I'm so sorry that you have to live like this. I sympathize with you. These are the cards we were delt with but having little victories and being able to relate to those who experience your pain is a blessing in disguise. Whenever you experience that moment of defeat just remember you WILL get past it and it WILL end and during that moment, hundreds of us here are simultaneously experiencing your exact frustration. Keep your head up, you can do this! You are safe, you are not a bad person, everyone you love will be okay, you're a beautiful individual and everything will all be alright. I wish all of you healing and a beautiful breakthrough! 🙏💖
|
OCD
|
Or perhaps you always feel as if your time's running out and you drive yourself to be an overacheiver knowing that most people may not posess such mental capacities as you.
And therefore resources must be used "productively".
This may lead terms such as "relaxing" losing any meaning it may once have had.
Do You Posess The Skill Of Relaxation?
What are your opinions and experiences?
|
aspergers
|
I'm gonna go to get diagnosed on thursday and now I just started wondering if I really have ADHD. I mean I feel a big struggle in my life with simple tasks and I'm exhausted and sad cause everybody keeps saying ,,youre smart you just don't want to use your brain!", and I get frustrated quickly cause everybody in my class does simple tasks way more quickly than me and I'm always shown as a bad example cause I work like a turtle, or always talk or day dream and everybody thinks I just don't care at all at what they saying when most of the time it's hard to focus on what the teacher or somebody else is saying. I can't control my mind and just put my thoughts on one task for at least 5minutes. Cause my thoughts just keep going. And I think I have ADHD because of that. But the weird thing is that I can fall asleep pretty easily. Cause I get lost in my thoughts and just the last thing I was thinking about usually is in my dream. But I heard that you can't fall asleep easily with ADHD and I can do it in like 10-15minutes.
|
ADHD
|
Hi all,
I have been diagnosed with OCD and Asperger's/autism. However, I have a strong gut feeling that there's something else wrong with me - like bipolar or a borderline personality disorder. I don't want to have these labels attached to me, but I know there's something else not quite right with me. My moods change so rapidly that I just can't seem to cope with them. I have intense impulses to binge eat and have sex (or masturbate) all the time. I did tell one of my psychiatrists about this, but she kept saying "it's all your autism" without giving me a proper explanation.
I have also self-harmed in order to get help.
The way I feel about people drastically changes every single fucking day. Right now because I'm so depressed I can't really tolerate people, but some days are better than others.
I used to be afraid people would abandon me like my friends or my mum.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a good person because I'm not like a murder, rapist, paedophile, or abuser. But I look back on some of my past mistakes and think "actually I'm a terrible person".
I could list more symptoms I have, but there's just too many.
I come from the UK and it's difficult to get help here unless you're actively going to kill yourself right on the spot. Luckily I've got an mental health advocate to help me try and get better treatment from my current mental health team.
Is it possible for someone with Asperger's/autism to have these mental illnesses?
I need help lol.
|
aspergers
|
I'm an Indian girl with ADHD and a lot of people don't seem to understand my experiences. The main issue is that fact that South Asian cultures tend to put such high pressure on us to succeed and become overachievers. Asians are seen as the "model minority" and it puts us in such a huge burden. I'm an engineering major in college and I'm such a nerd who's "obsessed" with math and math based science. I'm also on the "gifted" range of IQ, so a lot of people have certain assumptions about me saying that "I'm good at school, I look like a high achiever". The problem is, my ADHD and issues with focusing, constant daydreaming, and executive functioning issues have had a major affect on my grades in high school. I got like an average GPA, especially because I wasn't diagnosed at the time. I did have access to accomodations, but I was so desperate to be like the other Indian kids, who were such high achievers that I didn't take them. A lot of them have been on the board for multiple clubs and would take 6 AP classes a year, and I couldn't do all that because it was way too much for me, and I was the type of person who had horrible social skills, and I would often feel alienated like I don't fit in. I constantly compare myself to other people, and those assumptions that people have on me, while it does feel good that I'm told I'm "smart", it makes me feel like I'm incapable of struggling with school, even though I shouldn't have to feel that way. I've been placed with such a huge burden, and stuff like ADHD is often stigmatized within South Asian communities and I know that I'm not the only South Asian person with ADHD or any related condition who feels this way.
|
ADHD
|
[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/pqo658/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/)
**So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.
|
aspergers
|
Is it ocd for me to need to “check myself” for example I’ll look at a little girl inappropriately and I can’t control but I think it’s a compulsion to check if I do like it. One big incident with this happening that I feel terrible about is that I was in line behind a girl who was about 10 and I’m 14. I unnecessarily talked to her the same way u would unnecessarily talk to ur crush and I convinced myself I only did it to check if I was attracted and idk if I was attracted but I know I’m not now. I don’t think I found her attracted but I just wanted to talk to a girl. All I said was “do u want to switch spots so u can be closer to ur friends”. Is this just me checking myself or what.
|
OCD
|
My main issue is paying attention in conversation when I am not interested in the topic, e.g. someone telling me a story about a novel - I weave in and out of listening. And it this behavior is not exclusive to my personal life, same issue at work.
However, some days are better than others I can focus and concentrate. The whole day.
Please help me with the inconsistency.
|
ADHD
|
I often wonder if the triggers I have are stupid. Two of my most aggressive triggers are medical facilities and ants. Now let me explain: When I was a kid, I was bitten over 100 times (all at once) by fire ants on my legs. I had swelling in my legs for weeks that eventually spread to the rest of my body. Several doctors visits later, I was diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome (there’s a lot to it, but basically your kidneys can no longer process proteins). The next three years were filled with weekly blood tests, dozens of doctors appointments, and monthly chemotherapy treatments (the same chemo used for those suffering from leukemia). While it’s STILL unknown what causes nephrotic syndrome, it was my nephrologists best guess that the overload of fire ant bites contributed to it.
I have since had an aversion to all ants. I cannot exactly explain what happens when I see ants or get bit by one, but it’s like I wish I could escape my own skin. I FEEL actual panic and pain over my entire body. And I think being so sick as a kid has caused my issues with my anxiety and panic when I any kind of appointment at a medical facility. I always assume the worst and go through a thousand “what if” scenarios. It’s gotten worse the older I get. But it feels stupid, like, why the fuck does my chest ache and my heart rate spike while talking to a doctor or nurse. Even before the appointment, I feel this overwhelming sense of doom and I can’t concentrate at work and I don’t get anything done. Most times I take an entire day off work just for one appointment, even if it’s just a routine check up, because I know I’m going to need time to “come down”.
Is this dumb? Is this even ptsd? Thoughts?
(Sorry if this isn’t allowed here. I’m new.)
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ptsd
|
Do you ever feel off? Like you aren’t yourself? I feel so disconnected from my surroundings sometimes.
|
OCD
|
Apparently I have symptoms of trauma (dissociation 24/7, dislike of touch, disinterest in relationships, depression, suicidal, no positive outlook, etc) but I don't remember anything traumatic. I've had bad things happen in life, things that other people have said are traumatic but I don't think about them. I have no nightmares or flashbacks to anything traumatic.
My dad (who was a care worker working with vulnerable teenagers and young adults), keeps asking if I can remember anything sexual that upset me happening in the past. I don't, though I do have dreams of being touched/ assaulted, either by my dad or someone who looks like him. I think these are just due to him asking.
I don't know, I've had mental health issues since I was 8, perhaps even before. I don't want to get better, but I do want answers. I want to know why I'm like this, even if I understand how pushing for diagnosis/diagnoses can be bad.
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ptsd
|
I'll give some background about me before venting a little bit. When I was 3 years old I was diagnosed with a number of learning disabilities with only an intelligence in the higher percentile as a bit of a counterweight. I have ADD, Autism, NLD, Dyspraxia and have struggled with it during my time at school, and thought it would have improved going into the workplace.
I'm 26 and I got a job as a librarian at a local university after getting a degree last year. As much as I wanted to come on time every day, I struggled heavily with adjusting to the 9-to-5 routine, often coming a few minutes too late or even sleeping in, due to insomnia issues. Most of my colleagues thought I had more than poor social or communicative skills and talked a lot behind my back. There had been times where I discussed the fact that I have those disabilities, but that they were dismissed as excuses.
The projects that I've made and actually completed were very qualitative and I received a lot of praise for them, but so many of them blamed me for having a bad attitude, that it felt like I was fired months ago, even though it happened just a few days ago. The last few months I had very little motivation of going to work and it started affecting a lot of things outside of work too. I suffered from depressive and anxious thoughts and struggled with self-care, diet and tasks around the house. I live alone in an apartment, which is currently quite messy, because I don't have the mental energy to clean it up on a regular basis. Personality-wise I always tend to work these problems out on myself. Declaring myself the source of all problems, and just not living up to expectations or complaining too quickly. Which just adds to the depressive thoughts and it ends up being a vicious cycle.
I will probably go see a psychologist soon, which up to now I haven't done, because I have struggled maintaining a budget and where I live, they can get pretty expensive.
This event was incredibly confronting for me and I've shed many tears for it. Job-wise it was something someone with my skillset should be able to do and excel in easily. The first months I received a lot of support and I guess i thought I was finally able to hide my disabilities or control them in a way that my peers would still be content. That soon turned out not to be the case at all. The monsters I thought were subdued, raged on and will probably do so for the time being.
**TL;DR I was fired from my first job for reasons that are mostly attributed to my disabilities. Just when I thought I could hide them, or control them, they started to come back hard and eventually it led to me being fired, which was very confronting. At this moment, I doubt that I will ever find a work environment that will accept me the way I am.**
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ADHD
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Nobody understands that I can’t just make myself study, or that no planner is going to be helpful if I lose the motivation to use it 3 weeks in.
It’s hard to implement most of the advice in the first place due to executive dysfunction. So I’m pretty much asking for ways to trick myself into productivity.
|
ADHD
|
Im 17 years old and has been suffering from ocd ever since i was 7 my ocd has taken many fears like fear that i would harm my loved ones or fear that i suffer from schizophrenia and etc but now every time im in a confrontation i have to analyze it wondering what if im wrong what if i started it also my mind messes with me distorting my thoughts with memory so i always doubt and fear that im wrong im tired of this im crying and i dont know what to do my father doesnt believe in ocd and thinks im being silly or being stupid so i have no where to recieve help i dont know what to do my life is so bad i cant live normally i have false memories every minute after an intrusive thought i wish i could just end it but i wont because of the people close to me my grades are failing because of it im scared for my future because i cant fathom living alone with my ocd i do not wish to continue this as im crying and writing to you guys please even if you find this very stupid can you guys please help me im so lonely i have no one and ihave big dreams in the future and wish to succeed them but realistically i dont think i can because of my fucking ocd can you guys please help me (please dont judge me i poured my heart into this)
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OCD
|
There are three people in our friend group. S (25, F), V (26, F), and me (25, F). We've met in school and been friends for 10+ years. V has been struggling with depression for a while with both good and bad periods depending on medication and life in general. But it's been getting worse and more dangerous lately, and we don't know what to do anymore.
Every time you ask her how she is, she says she wants to kill herself. She is abusing her sleeping pills (insomnia) and takes them with alcohol, she keeps canceling on us, she started cutting herself (once went to the hospital because of that). She also took out a loan from a bank because she fell for a random guy from tinder who wanted to "teach her how to trade bitcoin" and asked her to go to live with him in Hong Kong (an obvious scammer, she lost 13 000 euros). She is not able to keep a job for more than a few months due to severe anxiety, so she can't pay it off properly. And lately, she started seeing strangers from tinder and having sex with them while drunk or on pills (absolutely unable to consent) which she always regrets after. V was a virgin before, with no experience in sex or relationships.
V has a psychiatrist, but according to her, she just keeps giving her medications that "don't do anything", so no actual therapy except the pills. She had a few different doctors before and claims none of them were good, so she stopped looking for one that would help her. We tried to mention a psychiatric clinic, so she can at least rest for a few months, but doesn't want to be locked up. She lives with her parents but hates them, While they are pretty toxic, they are willing to pay for anything she needs. But V doesn't want them to pay for her therapy (a better private one), nor she told them about the loan.
It breaks my heart to see her like that and we tried to help her, but she doesn't listen to anything. We will often advise her not to do something and she will do it and then come crying. She will send us hour-long voicemails or call during the night and just cry and if we don't answer, we are bad friends. But we are not professionals and our mental health also suffers due to this. At this point, our contact with V solely consists of helping her solve her issues and we dread every text.
We have no other ideas except having her admitted against her will, but that feels like overstepping and she would hate us for that. Help?
|
depression
|
Before I start to get dissociative symptoms, I’ve noticed I’ll stop singing to myself (especially when at home). Do you have similar tells?
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ptsd
|
Not with asd, high-functioning autism or aspergers, but with a social phobia, dysthymia and recurring depressive episodes (double depression).
I’m a 24 year old woman and this diagnosis is throwing me off kilter. Many things make sense. My struggles to make eye contact or find the right time and amount to speak, my social isolation and special interests.
But some things don’t. What about my severe noise sensitivity? My struggles to show or even feel emotions? My lack of interest in other people and any type of relationship beyond friendship? My urge to go mute when I’m under pressure?
I was hoping I would get diagnosed with a very mild form of asd. It would’ve made so much sense and somehow make feeling like this okay, maybe even worth it. I was hoping for answers and clarity but instead I’m even more confused than I was before. I don’t know how to feel.
The doctor who diagnosed me was understanding and kind, she told me my disorders were treatable, autism isn‘t. But this is all I’ve known my entire life. Who am I beneath all of this? This community has been my safe haven. Reading your posts has made me feel understood and seen in a way I’ve never felt before.
I’m scared. Everything’s a mess. I’m longing for the tiniest bit of clarity.
|
aspergers
|
emotional manipulation?
im not going into any details but one of my friend (online friend) was obviously ignoring me (mid 2019 to this day) and eachh time i asked them if they were in fact, ignoring me and they would always say no. we had a few arguments about this and it made me feel like i was being selfish until in december 2020 they told me they were actually ignoring me. all this time they made me feel like shit, i thought i was overreacting, i thought i was the bad guy and i was being toxic. in april i told them i wanted to take a break, they told me they were sad because they wanted to be my friend even though they had problems with communicating. today i wished them a happy birthday and they ignored it. they are active on twitter but they did not reply to my text. it made me very angry and i don’t want to feel the same way i used to. i dont know what to do anymore.
|
ptsd
|
I've come to realize that all those years in special Ed was because I am. I've always enjoyed video games but lately I've gotten pretty bored of gaming. I was playing Minecraft today and realized that I'm no good at building anything creative or building something worth remembering forever.
I'm not creative in any way. Any idea I get,I don't stick with it. My mind changes. I love Minecraft, but I can't build anything on my own without looking something up or getting help. And everything I manage to start eventually gets deleted anyway and I'm never satisfied.
I guess what I'm saying is, what do I do if I have to skills or talents or anything? I can't even hear words properly in music and I get made fun of for hearing it wrong.
I need mental help and idk where to start. I am willing to take any medication I can be put on to straighten out my life. Idk if it's more then ADHD or not, but I really just want answers. That hardest part is knowing where to start, because I'm broke and I refuse to work a job that's more than 30 hours.
|
depression
|
Hello autistic lady here. I have bad spd and would like to buy glasses to filter out bright light. Are there any glasses specially made for this? Please give me your recommendations.
|
aspergers
|
i am in serious danger of becoming homeless, and every application i put in is denied because ive never worked a real job because i took care of my older family members my entire adult life, and now that they are all gone and i am alone in the world i am in severe danger of losing the home ive lived in since i was 9, a home my mother father uncle grandmother great grandmother and several cousins have all lived in and its all i have left of my family...
​
i need to find a job but no one will give me a chance without experience, but i cant get experience unless someone gives me a chance.
​
i just tonight got turned down for a seasonal job of all things at a Target... a job i wasnt sure i could handle but i was going to do my damndest to grit my teeth and get through it anyhow, but nope, cant even give me a few months (i was even happy to work the holidays because what else would i have to do)
is there any kind of governmental assistance i can look into or anything? i am on my last leg and i am like 30 days from homelessness, i am so stressed i am losing my mind and i desperately need help.
​
i have depression, which is mostly treated, and pretty severe adhd and its at the moment untreated again because my psychiatrist decided i had to skip november entirely without a session, because they were to busy to see me and the meds they gave me caused me to stop eating for days at a time, and other issues that kept me frequently in the bathroom...
|
ADHD
|
I’ve been recovering from my depression with my new meds, but I just want that strange comfort that depression gives me. I don’t know why and I don’t understand why. I feel safe in sadness.
|
depression
|
I have been depressed for so much time feeling like walking garbage everyday of my life all I wanted to do was die honestly. I felt bad that i didn’t have friends or a girlfriend, I felt completely alone in this world. My parents siblings everyone abandoned me. No shoulder to cry on. My own damn dad jokes about me comiting sucide I have had enough. during the last 5 months I have been trying to beat this depression of mine. Working out, losing weight, meditating, doing drugs like weed and acid(lsd) to help cure myself.
I don’t know which one of those helped but I have completely changed my mindset on my depression perhaps I didn’t cure it but. I no longer feel like killing myself
And today I feel liberated I no longer care if I have friends, love or anything of that would make me sad. Maybe this is just me but personally but the way I see the world now is it’s every man for himself no one gives a shit about anyone.
I’m tired of being depressed and being a damn failure all the time while the morons that I was taught where going to be the failures all have better lives than me.
I am 25 and wasted the last 7 years of my life doing nothing. I don’t know how I am going to do it but I’ll find a way out of this unhappy life I am living. I’ll face this fucking world on my own it’s not like friends are their for you anyways. Girls only like fuckups that treat them like shit anyways or guys who can buy them anything they want.
People are all trash, including me or perhaps a better idea is that that’s just how the world is we are all selfish beings only looking out for our own survival. I hate this world but if I kill myself or i spent the rest of my life locked up in my room. I can’t help but feel a little sad for the wasted opportunity I was giving.
So a little advice stop giving a crap about everything live a little. Go crazy it’s might sound stupid giving how depression works but hey your thinking of killing youself 24/7 you might as well try.
Stop thinking you deserve something and start living to earn it.
|
depression
|
I'm so close to just opening up and letting my personal life become public.
My dating life is ruined , I know it and everyone around me knows it. I have so much doubts around my sexuality that I doubt if I'm attracted to her.
What should I do , are there actually women out there willing to give a guy a chance with this disorder
|
OCD
|
This might sound really odd but since trauma maths equations has been so hard for me, my head just sort of freezes and I forget how to work the equation out
I am not stupid I know maths when I need it in my everyday life but sitting and working out equations I just mentally have struggled ever since irk if this is related to ptsd or what
|
ptsd
|
I used to have nightmares about my abuser. Now in my dreams we just act like a regular couple and I always have an idea something is wrong but I can’t remember what. I’m tired of hanging out with him Everytime I sleep. I’m afraid to sleep. Anyone have any tips?
|
ptsd
|
Has anyone tried out Spectrum Singles (or any other dating site for autistic people)? I'd like to try out dating again (for the millionth time) and don't have a great track record with NTs...
|
aspergers
|
So lately when I try to lay down I get these random sayings and bits of conversations that are completely random and made up but it sounds like strangers. I've heard a random man, a woman of color talking to someone (but not who she was talking to it was just briefly her saying something and it wasn't directed at me)
I get intrusive thoughts and mind chatter but it's been very loud and frequent and weird that it's not my own internal voice saying things. Usually when I have mind chatter not in my own voice is when it's a commercial jingle or something for example.
But to be clear, I'm not hearing them outside of me. It's all very clearly in my mind. It's like flipping channels or something. And where the mind chatter and self-bullying thoughts and stuff speak *to* me. These other voices aren't even talking to me or about anything relevant to what I'm doing or thinking.
Can anyone relate?
|
OCD
|
I'm so angry. I don't want my best friend to be friends with this guy anymore. He hurt me a lot in the past, I forgave him and now he's back again being shitty to me.
I told him I don't want him to be friends with them anymore, that I wanted him by my side. I might be being a jerk, but all I want is my friend by my side and the dude to suffer like I am suffering seeing people ignore all this situation all over again. I know I don't matter to other people, but at least from the few I'm close to I expected some support.
Fuck everyone. I don't want anybody who isn't loyal to me as I am to them. I've been cutting a lot of people off, I know I'll end up alone but I can't stop myself from wanting everyone who isn't a decent friend to go to hell. I've taken too much shit, I can't keep going like this.
I wish I was dead
|
depression
|
I checked myself in little less than two weeks ago into a mental hoapital because I was at a really bad place mentally, as I started to cut and have more self-harm desires. I spent the entirety of the 8 days sedated.
This isn't the first time I'm in a mental hoapital, it's the third. The last two were due to suicide attempts, with the latter being nearly succesful where I landed in a coma for 2 days.
I still have very self destructive thoughts. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, because I know he loves me and every time I pull shit like this it wrecks him emotionally.
Klonopin makes me feel useless and sleepy, but it calmsy my anxiety. I recently got a new antidepressant (Prozac, I believe, need to check) but I still have slef destructive thoughts.
I am terribly insecure about everything. My looks, my intelligence, my skills, literaly everything- and every time I can't pull something off well I want to self destruct.
I gained weight in the pandemic which worsened my depression. Yesterday, after eating a bowl of rice, I immediately felt guily afterwards and wanted to throw it up or cut myself. My boyfriend luckily talked me out of doing sometbing stupid like that but I just can't anymore.
I barely have any energy for the gym this week. On Tuesday, I went for my usual hour-long intense workout session and failed, only lasted 45 minutes. I jad eaten that day so I don't understand why I felt so fatigued? Maybe the klonopin? I have taken it for years but never struggled like this. I feel lost and like I'll never live up to my expectations.
|
depression
|
How I got the job:
I am freaking out. I’ve had “jobs” before but they were family businesses and I already knew the people through my mom so it wasn’t really a full job cause I’d kinda show up when I wanted to. Anyway I applied to a bunch of jobs before and never got a reply and so I gave up and deleted the indeed app and I was still getting the notifications from it on email so I redownloaded the app to take the email notifications off and got bored and decided to randomly apply to a bunch of places again not expecting anything and same day I get a call back from a fast food place and then they set up an interview for the next day and then told me I got the job.
Not prepared:
So one day after applying I got a job. I have not mentally prepared for this, I’ve never had a real job before. I am stressed and I can’t sleep cause I’m filled with anxiety. I have to meet new people. The job is for a cashier at a fast food place and I’ve never used a cashier before and I want to cry because I’m not prepared and I don’t know anything.
My problems:
- I haven’t had time to mentally prepare for having a job and sticking to a schedule because I am really bad at doing things at set times
- I will have to take a bus to work and haven’t been on a bus in 4 years because of a traumatic experience. So I have to live through that again.
- I need to be prepared for everything before I do it and I know nothing about this job so I am actually freaking out inside.
- They make you wear blue jeans and I can’t stand blue jeans. I hate jeans I never wear them and now I have to.
- I am not good at talking to people and I’m scared I’m going to sound rude because I can’t hear them or because my brain doesn’t process words sometimes
- I’m scared for someone to yell at me cause something is wrong and then I’ll cry in front of everyone because I am sensitive
Conclusion:
I am not ready or prepared to have a job cause I got it so quick and I am scared that I will mess this up and everyone will hate me.
Anyone have any tips or stories about their experiences with jobs :/
|
aspergers
|
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