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I don't like having to sleep, eat, exercise, be hygienic, socialize, participate in society, have contradicting feelings and emotions I can't even trust, deal with my mortality, meet expectations, etc.
I don't like it. Everything is so out of my control and I hate that I'm bothered by it. I can't even control my own emotions.
I resent myself for feeling happy and for knowing I will once again feel happy when I'm upset.
Most of all, I hate knowing that I probably feel this way simply because I haven't eaten today.
Again, are my feelings valid or am I just hungry? It's not something that only mildly bothers me.
I hate that as I get older and older I feel more and more programed--as if my actions in life are deterministic.
And it's so hard not to feel that way. Go read "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman.
In it, he discusses behavioral studies and demonstrates how fallible our reasoning is.
Not only that, but seemingly arbitrary and insignificant factors control our behaviors in a way that can only be described as unsettling....
I'm so mad about it all because if I'm to behave like a program written by my genes, then I'd at least want some of the perks of being a machine.
And yet I am fallible beyond belief.
We're like machines but stupid, impressionable, impermanent, etc.
I hate it.
I've tried exploring stoicism and mindfulness but it made me feel empty inside.
Buddhism helps but I am keenly aware that I am like a dust mote in the wind and can never control how I fly. I am just being carried to and fro with no undetermined rhyme or reason, waiting to one day never fly again.
I guess the only thing you can do is to try and enjoy the ride but it's hard to do when you never wanted on in the first place and you can't convince yourself that you don't want off.
But if you're on then you're on I guess.
I know it's best to consider Bruce Lee's words, "Be like water".
Yeah, I could be a river or a tree. I think I'd enjoy that.
I guess maybe I already am..
River doesn't ask to flow. Tree doesn't ask to shake in the wind.
I take comfort in this alone.
I don't mean to make anyone fearful or worried. I just needed to write about how I feel I guess.
I feel proud to live transparently.
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ADHD
|
Hi,
I’m sure you all have been ridiculed for your ADHD at some point. I got it really bad, and I am wondering how to deal with it. It sucks because it makes me do really stupid things that make me look utterly ridiculous. It’s like there’s nothing that could possibly make me an easier target.
I’m always lost, and I always look like I don’t have a clue what is happening. My response to it is to hate myself for having whatever condition causes me to be so stupid (not sure it is a condition perhaps just stupidity). I feel like I never even get credit for anything. People act like they don’t even believe that I have a good career despite the fact that I do.
|
ADHD
|
I'm a 19 y/o man. My journey through this imaginary jungle called depression has been consistantly getting harder and harder as I grow up to be an independent human being. I consider myself a very self-reflective person and the last 3 years of my life I've had to dig into my unconscious mind to figure out wtf is wrong here; why do I feel like shit and why did I waste my teens being a depressed piece of dead meat. So long story short, I came to the conclusion that my hopelessness was due to the fact that I have an underlying trauma related to jobs and schools, I have a deep rooted hatred, I can't stand the fact that I have to sell my time to be able to live a normal life. I can't enjoy weekends because I know that monday's around the corner and I'll have to repeat the cycle all over again. I can't work out anymore because I'm too stressed to have even a little bit of strength in my limbs, I can't play videogames anymore because I'm too stressed to even have fun, I can't go out with friends anymore because I'm too stressed to even have a normal conversation with them, I can't watch a movie anymore because I'm too stressed to even pay attention to the story. All of this relates to TIME and what I can and can't do with it, it stresses the fuck out of me that I need to sell my time, the most important asset that a human being can have. The most common suggestion that people make when I tell them how I feel is "drop out", but if I do that my dad will kick me out and I'll have to sell my time to cover my basic needs, If I continue my career I'll have to sell my time to get a grade, and everywhere I look at there's always a dead end that requires me to sell my time, this is the perfect checkmate that the machine has pulled on everybody. We're nothing more than human capital. At the end of the day, money is the only thing that can make this checkmate look like a joke, a simple game, but the lack of money can make this checkmate be a lifetime prison sentence. I've noticed that when I talk about this, people tend to cut me off with the classic "it's just life dude", but they don't really mean it, they also hate their jobs, they also hate school, they are stressed about paying their bills, some of them are hopeless and sometimes even more than me, they cut me off because they don't want to hear my critic, they don't want to be reminded that sometimes life isn't even worth it anymore, they don't want to be reminded that they don't even act like living beings anymore, they're just human capital getting up early in the morning to grow a company that they don't even care about, that is owned by a boss that they hate. And yeah, I know that this topic isn't new, many people come to the same conclusion every single day, suicide rates at ATH's, people leaving their jobs, speculative assets going on parabolic runs, the attempt of DeFi to democratize wealth, these are all symptoms of a surge in the amount of people that hate the machine and the realization that money buys time and time is by far the most important thing one could have. The only thing keeping me away from losing my shit is the work I'm putting into trying to secure my financial security and the active participation I have on this movements like DeFi that try to make the financial system a little bit more fair to all of us. I'm not a religious person, but I pray to see a future where we don't have to sell 3/4 of our life to live the other 1/4.
|
depression
|
I recently got out of a relationship with the person that was there for me through my trauma. I am now at a loss to how I can approach telling a new love interest about my past. I’m really interested in this new guy. He is everything I could want in a partner, but I’m not sure how he’ll react when I tell him about my past experience with sexual assault. I’m worried I will be too high maintenance for him, but I guess if that’s the case than we clearly aren’t meant to be. Does anyone have any advice for how I should tell him? I don’t want to wait too long to have the conversation because I don’t want to get attached if he decides he doesn’t want to be with someone with ptsd. Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read and or respond to this!
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ptsd
|
I’ve had a weird quirk where I feel like I NEED to wake up 4 hours before work. It wasn’t as extreme when I was still in school, but ever since I’ve been working I’ve always felt like I needed to be up four hours before work. So I have “goof off” time. ADHD runs in my family but my parents never thought I had it because I was a relatively quiet kid.
I always dread events because I’m so terrified of being late or missing appointments. I know the time will slip away like sand so I need the couple of hours to mess around at my own pace. I used to do this when I worked swing shifts at my old employer. I’d work till 10pm stay up till 11:30, stress about how little sleep I am going to get, and I’d be up at 2am to go to my 6am morning shift. Thankfully my new job has a set schedule now so it’s not as extreme anymore.
I could swear the flow of time is a lie and time just turns on fast forward to fuck with me.
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ADHD
|
A friend of mine who is temporarily living with me told me that I like to control space around me,my place in particular. I just hate it when it's getting to messy or when things aren't in place, it confuse me and makes me really anxious. Because of that I got offten told that I was being annoying, I may be rude, when telling other to clean up, because the situation makes me really anxious. Now I just got into an argument with my friend, not something bad though, but it's just that I wish some people weren't getting frustrated every time I tried to keep things in order in MY appartement. I know I can be very insistent, sometimes I start to get angry because things aren't precisely were they are and it's tiring to always repeat the same thing. I once told my friend that I wouldn't change that aspect of me because I just can't and if someone wants to live with me they would have to adapt.
I hope that urge to keep things clean doesn't destroy my friendship, but I think some people just should change themselves a little and not always blame it on me.
|
aspergers
|
My doc prescribed 1mg of prazosin to help with nightmares... but I don’t really have nightmares. She just prescribed it. I can’t sleep very well and my brain doesn’t turn off, will this help with that? What are any side effects? Does it help at all?
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ptsd
|
I am tired. i am tired of trying to be better when nobody seems to notice at all and continues to make me feel stupid. All my life all I've ever done is try to make everyone see I am not just a body or I am not just an over-dramatic person. I am tired of everyone making me feel like my mental issues are nothing and they shouldn't affect me. I am tired of trying going to therapy and trying to fix myself just to have it thrown in my face when I am going through the dark days. I am so alone and I just want someone to listen and see that I am trying. It doesn't matter anymore though because no one is ever gonna try to see it. Getting threatened to be kicked out of my bf's house cause the depression has got to the point where I can't move but no one believes me. I am just seen as lazy to them. I usually fight against it but today after hearing all of my issues thrown in my face again I am just accepting it. I just want everyone to hate me at this point. I secretly just want to be kicked out too. It doesn't matter if I have a home or not I just want it all to stop. I wish I could hide in my bed forever. I need a friend so badly to talk to but I have no one. I am so jealous of all these people going out with friends or playing video games with friends. I've accepted it though and I think I am accepting the fact that I am giving up.
|
depression
|
⚠️ As it was pointed out to me, this post might be triggering to those with ED
Hey,
So i noticed something pretty damning for me that I want to share. English isn't my language so bear with me.
Carbs have been my main (if not only) source of food for years.
2 months ago, I did a long term fast for a few days, and noticed very encouraging results on my ptsd symptoms such as nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety. They weren't completely gone but wayyy toned down and actually manageable. Then when i started eating again, i focused on healthy food, fibers, healthy fats proteins and the improvements i had noticed were still there.
A couple weeks later, I had a slip up and started eating junk food again. Bam, the anxiety and flashbacks came back with a vengeance.
Did another prolonged fast, which calmed the symptoms a bit, then immediately started eating a diet mostly consisting of bread and cheese (i am a frenchie after all). You guessed it, symptoms came back like crazy.
So I did a third 4 days fast again, ate healthy again, symptoms gone.
Just yesterday, i had a binge of junk food and now i'm feeling like shit, flashbacks won't leave me alone.
Doing research, I couldn't find any study or evidence of the correlation between a high carb diet and ptsd/cptsd although there's a link between it and symptoms of depression/anxiety.
But from my short term experience, the correlation is pretty damning. It's obviously not a miracle cure, nothing is, but it is really a huge difference.
My symptoms can be very much debilitating and with fasting or low carb diet, they are very much manageable.
I really suggest all of you to try avoiding carbs for a week and please if you do, share your results.
**tl;dr** : Carbohydrates might play an important role in cptsd/ptsd symptoms and avoiding them, in my experience, alleviate those symptoms greatly while high carb diet makes them worst.
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ptsd
|
I've been struggling with doing anything that "makes me proud", as others would call it, like ever. I pretty much fail with anything substantial I do and I don't feel bad about failing, I actually prefer to fail on tests because then that means I don't have to study anymore; the culture I live in tends to accept being weak (Sweden), so it doesn't set me back - I always have the option to get back to studying after dropping out, so there's no loss aside from the time lost, which is going to be spent one way or another.
Anything I do feels like pulling teeth and I'd rather listen to music all day & watch netflix. I'm somewhat content with the idea of not doing anything with my life, which worries me in a way because I imagine 40 years from now if I'm "Wasting my 20's". I think I have a hard time valuing my future self, and I'm likely very ignorant about the whole thing. I don't care about status, money, respect, influence, impact. legacy or anything that drives other people to their endavors. The only thing that somewhat drives my brain is thinking about a new idea.
​
I have managed to get some minor things done (out of pure force and near 0 motivation) before such as launching websites that did pretty well, but they just cause me a lot of anxiety having to maintain them, especially when they become successful - not to mention the potential critics I have to face for no apparent reason other than opposed opinion. I'd rather just not deal with that.
​
I tend to avoid taking responsibility whenever possible. I don't care if people think low of me, even my family. I have a lot of interesting ideas in my head that I want to do, but they remain ideas and the only joy I get is thinking about ideas instead of executing on them. I'm wondering if there's something I should do about this or if I should just accept "who I am".
​
I think one factor is that I grew up in a decent household. I never really had to work for anything, and I can stay at home as long as I like. I'm not getting pressured to do anything, and failing doesn't really punish my lifestyle in any way or form. Growing up like this made me pretty insecure about being uncomfortable, and being uncomfortable for too long gives me more stress than anything: Everything new feels daunting and gives me anxiety, with no light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.
​
tldr; I'm not very stress tolerant, I don't have any internal motivation, I don't take a lot of responsibility which people like Jordan Petersson keeps telling me I should do, but I always try to avoid it. I'm pretty selfish in life, I don't try to help others unless I'm faced with social pressure. I prefer to stay ignorant about the world around me because the realization of the world burning just gives me more anxiety. I also get more joy out of watching Yugioh than I get molding my legacy in this world. Why???
**Edit**: If I could take a pill that would make me a functioning human in society I would probably take it. By functioning I mean having something I'm passionate about with a bigger goal that I'm working towards. I feel like I'm missing out seeing others do this, but when I do something myself - It doesn't fill the void I feel.
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depression
|
I’ve recently noticed that my ocd disappears almost completely when i’m with my partner, we don’t have to be doing anything, we could be just sitting next to eachother and i would feel complete calmness. My ocd still appears when i’m talking or just hanging out with other people and it’s quite bad, so it’s very interesting how my partner’s presence basically silences my ocd. What could this mean? Does anyone else have something like this? What quites down your ocd?
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OCD
|
My relationships start out fine but then boom! That hormone high is gone and then... the intrusive thoughts start. Things like 'did I lose feelings for him?' 'why did he just annoy me there? What does that mean? Oh god... am I losing feelings?' 'Holy crap! I have another person in my life! I need to- (insert list of things)' 'Will we work?' 'Is he the one?' 'Am I sure about this?' 'What if I'm forcing myself?' 'I love him... right?' 'HE JUST GOT ANGRY/ANNOYED WITH ME! ARE WE OVER?!' 'I feel overwhelmed. Was this too much for me to take on?' 'Are relationships for me?' 'Should we break up?' 'Oh god no I don't want to break up!' 'What if ending this relationship is the only way to fix this?' 'What if he gets tired of me like my last relationship?' 'What if he leaves before I can figure this out?' 'Love isn't fear though, is it? Why won't this stop?' 'What does this anxiety mean?' 'Shouldn't I feel more certain about this?'
And I feel so guilty because he's been nothing but sweet and understanding. I've told him all these thoughts and he's just been supportive. I've been going to therapy recently but I've just been so frustrated with the fact that there's no quick fix. I just want to enjoy my relationship with him... not feel my own anxiety steal it away from us. Sometimes I can't even take a compliment from him because of all the uncertainty and anxiety I've been feeling. I can't even say 'I love you' without second-guessing myself sometimes. I feel so bad, like I can't suddenly promise that I love him. But I know I do or else I wouldn't be fighting with myself so much. I wouldn't be trying so hard to get better.
I need to figure out what to do. I'm on betterhelp because of a discount code from youtube but I'm not sure if I can feasibly do that long term. My therapist has me doing EMDR therapy but I don't think she knows the full extent of these intrusive thoughts. I'm not sure if that therapy she has me doing will help relationship ocd. I haven't even been able to live a very healthy life because the thoughts consume me so much. It's a total obsession and I haven't been feeling very well in life at all and if I can't figure out how to help this, this relationship will never be healthy and I will never be able to have a healthy relationship in my life ever.
I have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder when I was in first grade. Tbh, if I have OCD on top of that, it would explain why meds never felt like they worked the way they were suppose to. Because, SURPRISE! The chemical imbalance in my brain is way more complicated than anyone initially thought. In all honesty, this reminds me of the times I was terribly afraid of toxic stuff when I was little and then when I was obsessively scared of death in high school. My last relationship was when I was 19 and my anxiety over that relationship was so bad that I remember having to go to the ER for an ativan. My ex left me not long after that. I think it was just too much for him. Before my current one, I can admit that I was a little too knitpicky about any potential partners. I would have similar thoughts like that above only I wasn't attached or dating them so it wasn't hard to be like 'Oh well. I'll find someone else.'
I'm just so tired, so overwhelmed, and I have not even had a day to focus on myself because I've been too busy ruminating on all those thoughts for a couple weeks. And I know I didn't list all of the thoughts, either. I just wish I could stop having to beg myself to please not feel anxious when he says he loves me or anything like that. I also wish this wasn't long distance because I currently want to be held and told everything will be okay.
I guess now I'm so desperate that I need to ask for advice from strangers online. So... where do I start? I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be afraid of my relationship anymore.
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OCD
|
Often after I take any medication my intrusive thoughts will tell me I took the wrong medication or too much of my medication and then I think I'm going to overdose 😕.
I separate my pills in the week organizer but still have the thoughts.
Has anyone else had intrusive thoughts like this? Any tips?
|
OCD
|
Idk what to do, i feel ok but just with a feeling of dread and anxiousness, i have sexual obsessions and i feel ok. But I can’t shake the feeling of that I’ll never be certain. I really hate how professionals suggest saying maybe, maybe not. I can logically say im not these things but i still feel weird and gross, am i a bad person. I get false memories and obsess over real events, i feel so weird and wrong. Idk how to describe it. I don’t know if im bad. And i feel guilty because it feels like im over exaggerating or lying. Idk what to do
|
OCD
|
Been struggling lately doubting whether I really have ocd or if it’s even real.
|
OCD
|
Does anyone have this? I have had ocd about schizophrenia for a few months now, but it’s been getting more severe. When I was trying to fall asleep there was a voice in the back of my head that didn’t really sound like mine, I knew it was in my head and it would repeat random stuff like “hello hello hello hello hello” etc. I could control the phrase to an extent once I knew about it. I tried box breathing (counting to five and inhaling then exhaling, etc) but the thoughts would interrupt me and I’d get annoyed. My fan was on and I think some of the thoughts were kind of manifesting from there, so I put ear plugs in and for the most part it went away. Also, my mind seems to repeat sounds when I’m trying to sleep, like I heard a police siren from outside and my mind repeated it for a few seconds after it was gone. Obviously the more I thought about the “voices”, the more I would “hear” it. This was really distressing and I’ve been doing ERP for a week now but I didn’t feel comfortable doing it with this. Also, I only heard the “voices” when I would close my eyes. Has anyone gone through this before?
|
OCD
|
I work in a creative field that is very self driven. Our assigned projects are only our responsibility. And sometimes asking for help from coworkers is feasible. And sometimes the problems are specific enough to your project that coworkers can’t help.
I have struggled with attention at work. Especially since wfh started. I realized recently the biggest trigger for me to get distracted is hitting a bump in the road of a project. If I know where I want to go and how to get there I can hit hyperfixation. But as soon as I go “wait I don’t know how this should look” “or I don’t know how to do x or y”.
And then it feels like an impulse to pick up my phone hits me. And I have to pick up my phone and I have to do something else. And it’s hard to drag myself back when the im still not sure how to proceed.
How do I drive through these impulses?
|
ADHD
|
(I'm a woman btw) when I was 21, I had a sexual fantasies with fictional women I invented and at the time I already had pocd. So I'm afraid that one of the women looked too young to be an adult and the more I ruminate the more young she looks to the point I'm afraid she was 14.- she looked too young and cute, traces I think they belong to early teens Ig (it was a made up person) - I can't remember what her face looked like and I the more I try the more it gets distorted and the more scared I get. I'm so sorry for telling you this...
I don't feel like i deserve happiness and I should die a horrible death.
I have a girl I love and I want to be happy but I can't.
|
OCD
|
To start, I’m really not sure if I have OCD. I certainly have intrusive thoughts related to harm/injury, such as while driving I imagine my car running into pedestrians constantly. When I have thoughts like this I instinctively pinch my arm twice every time, HOWEVER – this feels more like a knee jerk reaction than a conscious and deliberate choice. It’s something that I do many times a day, it happens when I’m walking across a road, reacting to a collision or fight on tv, or even when I accidentally knock a glass of water over at home. I will pinch my arm twice automatically and it happens before I even realise it.
I don’t really think anything bad will happen if I don’t do it, but it does momentarily soothe my anxiety/thoughts.
Do you think this could be a compulsion, or it’s more inline with an odd anxious tic?
I do have some OCD spectrum disorders but this behaviour is not something I’ve ever brought up with my psychologist. Can anyone relate or give me advice? Thanks!
|
OCD
|
Hi all,
So I’m having a really tough time right now.
I gave up all of my self destructive behaviors such as cutting and drinking this year and I’m having a hard time coping with being raped over 10 years ago. It’s just so powerful this year because I’m not numbing it out.
Does anyone else feel like their entire life is consumed and defined by it, like their entire identity is built around it? I feel like I think about it every second of everyday. Like I’m always talking about it or ruminating on it. I feel like I’m driving myself crazy and everyone around me.
It’s almost like I still live in my rape, as if my entire identity is defined by what he did to me, like I’m not even my own person anymore. And it’s awful.
I don’t know what to do, and I feel like
I’m the only one struggling with this sometimes. It’s terrible. I’ve never felt so alone. I have a therapist, but I just feel like I’m ‘obsessed’ with my rape and what happened to me.
Can anyone relate?
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ptsd
|
I keep remembering awful memories of things that are so bad. I can’t tell if they’re false or if i’m just in denial. I’m so scared. I’m so scared and so tired of this.
I’m sorry if I ever did any of these things. I’m so sorry.
|
OCD
|
hi!! if you’re like me, you have severeeee impulse issues and struggle with your finances and impulse buying
i lost my DS system with pokémon games on it, and my mom said she’d help me find it tomorrow. i got impatient and was one button away from buying a 60 dollar pokémon game on my switch, but i stopped myself and decided i would wait until tomorrow. i struggle so so badly with giving into my impulses but i did it this time!! i’m so so happy, much happier than if i got the game. not a super big win but i’m very happy!
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ADHD
|
I feel like I don't have any knowledge about anything. It's very frustrating seeing how everyone around me have solid opinions on a subject while I'm lacking in knowledge and skills.
It's like I never explore about a topic, I just get the idea of how it works and what is it and that's all. It's sad.
I don't know if it's because I can't work in something for more than 2 hours or is it just because I have no motivation.
I really want to change this but I'm not able to find a way to start.
(note: I have recentlly daignosed with ADHD and I'm not on medication)
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ADHD
|
What a f***ing disorder this is! This f***ing life sucking contamination OCD has left me devoid of any good feelings towards life. Every day is a suffering. I have to hide myself from the world, and be constantly afraid of getting triggered by something that is considered so trivial by everyone around me. I can't do anything! Anything!! I can't make anyone understand this. One moment I feel hungry, next moment I get triggered and can't take a single bite. All my dreams are getting crushed right in front of me. It has reached a point where I have started wondering if this life is even worth living with such amount of suffering. I just can't find a way to end this without ending my life. What's the point of living when every moment is filled with anxiety? I am already dying on the inside. Every. Single. Second.
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OCD
|
Am I just expected to suck it up and fight? For what? My family? That's just starting to breed resentment. Why do I have to shoulder all this suffering just to keep them from feeling a fleeting sadness caused by my death? It's not like I'm going to live forever anyway. What does it matter of I die sooner or later? There are good times and bad times but the depression just makes the whole thing not worth it. What if I'm just some ungrateful bitch who will never be happy no matter what life gives me?
My adult life has just be working one job that I hate after another just trying to find one that doesn't make me want to add bleach to my morning coffee and spending evenings and weekends trying to distract myself from the fact that I'll just to go back. I can't even enjoy my hobbies anymore when I can even find the energy to engage in them. I don't even know why I'm still here tbh.
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depression
|
I’m F 18
So basically I started a new job today, and there was this guy there who was really cool, thought he was a cool person to work with.. I have a boyfriend, but this really didn’t concern me, I normally don’t think about men at all romantically, just platonically Bc I have a boyfriend. So I got home and told my boyfriend all about it, specifics, especially about that guy, mostly because I felt confident that I didn’t like him, so I explained about him for a while rambling about things I noticed and little instances because it was entertaining to talk about. Except I obsess and do it for a while, it’s not that I like the guy like that, it’s just that he was a cool person I met. When I get excited about things I talk for a while. (The guy gave me a half of 🍃 for free) so ofc I ramble. Pls pls let me know if this is common or something wrong.
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OCD
|
Anyone else burnt out and not ready to invest in relationships?
I know community and social support is healing and important. However, I am accepting I am not ready to fully invest in relationships as I am working hard on my self healing and my relationship with myself. I can’t really fully give in a relationship right now which isn’t fair to the other person. That also means I cannot be the social justice, nurturing, helper, enfp/infp woman I am in my heart. I have to use those skills on healing myself now. It was hard for me to quit my social service job to work in a job I barely help others and that I have no passion for. Thankfully, it is such a low stress job that I am able to focus on my healing. Taking this time to focus on my self care is not selfish. I need this time. I can’t give what I don’t have. I am burnt out by people. I am irritated by people. I fear people. I need this time to heal myself and then my relationships with others. I have learned what a healthy relationships with boundaries looks like. Now I am super cautious who I let into my life as I am watchful of red flags and am aware of the toxic people I tend to attract due to traumatic bonding. I am also aware of the toxic behaviors I am healing and working on so I have to be very mindful of how I am with others, too. It is exhausting and it feels good to have a lot of alone time.
Anyone else relate?
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ptsd
|
I tend to have this notion that everything that I do has to be perfect. Any mistake that I make is not acceptable to me. Whenever I make a mistake, I get overwhelmed and beat myself up. For example, I started driving for DoorDash earlier this year. For those that don't know, DoorDash has customer ratings system as well as on time/early ratings, completion rating, and acceptance rating. During my first week, I received 2 one star ratings by customers. Even though I had received more five star ratings, I thought that I was no good at it and got discouraged at those 2 one star ratings. The one stars came from customers who said that I didn't follow instructions. To be fair, it was my first week doing it so I was still learning. After doing it for 8 months now, I still just have those 2 star ratings and over 80 five stars. I also get bothered by any minor imperfection in things that I own especially if they are important to me.
I can pay attention to detail so I can easily spot any tiny imperfection in something. I spend time trying to fix things that aren't broken. Whenever I try to fix something little it turns into something bigger. It would have been better to just leave the thing alone in the first place, but I have the compulsion to try to make something 100% better. Even if something is 99% flawless, I can't rest until it is 100% flawless. Whenever I am writing something online even after I have submitted it, I spend a lot of time editing it by taking sentences and words out, adding words and sentences, fixing misspelled words, and fixing any typo that I made. Whenever I read somebody else's comments online, they usually leave typos or misspell words and don't correct them. For me, I can't move on until I've corrected all of my mistakes. I feel that I have to be the best at everything that I do. I feel that everything that I own has to look perfect and can't have any scratches, stains, or scuff marks. It is exhausting being this way because I never feel satisfied and I just end up anxious and depressed when I could have just let the issue go without trying to fix it.
|
aspergers
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Hi there,
I (22M) struggle with PTSD from a past relationship (4 years ago). Sometimes it feels like I hold onto those memories (any of them, good or bad) as a way of believing what happened. Because at the time, no one believed me. I was the only one on my own side...
There's something nostalgic that hits right before the panic attacks, right before he gets into my head again, rights before it hurts...
I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe not. But there's a calm before the storm and I hate that I don't hate that bit. I hate that I sometimes feel like this, like I care about how my ex-abuser is, missing being a pawn or an object of some sort. I want to just forget them and everything they put me through. I want to hate them more than I do.
TLDR: Anyone else kinda miss the memories that brought their trauma?? My ex must still be manipulating me, even now 😭.
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ptsd
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I'm newly diagnosed, and want to hear other peoples experience of this.
* Agreeing to arrive at partners house for a certain time, when in fact that they have to call you because you're still in bed and forgot, and they've put all the effort into getting ready for the day
* Saying the first thing that comes to mind, which in your head isn't insulting or offensive, but understandably comes off as so
* Constantly being late, meaning partner has to sit around twiddling their thumbs
Do these kind of situations happen less with medication? It's awful because I could easily avoid these situations with some pre-planning, but at the same time I do have ADHD. Partner tries to understand but I can easily see why she'd be annoyed, feel unwanted, etc.
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ADHD
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I feel so rude for doing so. Especially because it’s mostly just people giving advice. I try to be polite but I feel I’m being dismissive.
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aspergers
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I everyone o hope you doing great, I've got rocd since I'm 17, coupled with anxiety disorders. The big issue is my anxiety disorders never go away and honestly it's way more painful that OCD itself. However, due to it I get hard time to clear my mind and discern my OCD. I tried all I can see 3 therapists, doing CBT and EPR, epr work when I don't have anxiety disorders. If someone have some tips I would really appreciate. Thank you in advance
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OCD
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My parents are about to go on a plane and ocd is telling me to do everything I can to stop them but I know I can’t and I’m freaking out what do I do
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OCD
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My PTSD is related to being abused in my childhood. I was pretty much being abused as long as I can remember but there was a time where it wasn’t that bad and I also didn’t realize it was wrong so I was fairly happy and enjoyed holidays like any other kid. Now every single holiday I’m just reminded about how I don’t have the family I once thought I had. And I just get flooded with painful memories. I feel so alone.
I have a civil relationship with my mom even though she did a lot of really fucked up things. And on a day to day basis I am able to interact with her and see her and feel totally fine and even *good* about it. I don’t hate her. She was a victim of abuse herself and I don’t forgive her for the things she did but she isn’t an evil person.
But on holidays it pains me to see her. I feel kind of bitter? I’m supposed to go to her house for a family dinner on Easter and it’s a few days away and I’m just a wreck. I bailed on all of the holidays last year except Christmas and on Christmas after everyone left her and I both ended up crying. Even though she’s part of my pain, she also went through the same thing as me so we’re kinda in the same position. It really hurts her when I bail on holidays and I feel extremely guilty. But I’m really not doing well mentally right now and I don’t know if I can go through with it.
I don’t know what to do. I want to just tell her the truth and tell her how terribly I’m doing but I don’t think she’ll get it and just be mad at me and when she’s mad at me I can’t handle it because I feel like I’m back in the times when she was mad and drunk and crazy. So I feel like I have to come up with a lie but I don’t want to lie and it bothers me that telling the truth which is that I’m a fucking broken ass person will anger her. I hate being someone that’s unreliable and bails but fuck I’m sorry I just can’t deal. I hate when people get mad at me for being shitty I KNOW I’m shitty and I already feel like shit about it, you know?
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ptsd
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A lot of my trauma was sexual, and I have a gynecology appointment today. I really don’t want to make it difficult for anyone, and I have a couple concerns so I really have to go to it. I’m panicking already bc every time I get a regular exam Im uncomfortable and triggered, vaginal exams are ten times harder. Any advice? Im already crying and freaking out.
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ptsd
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my days become a complete blur by night or the next day, i never know what day it is, i keep forgetting to take certain pills, i feel so slow. i feel like i’m not paying attention, like i’m barely there. i used to be good at listening and being in the moment, but i can’t focus, my brain just starts to blur and i can’t multitask anymore. i’m tired all the time and i don’t want to take care of myself i just want to sleep forever. not even die, just sleep. and dream. and be in my warm bed in silence. i’m so fucking tired
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depression
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I just had a mood drop and I’m feeling really weird. I get like this every once in a while but I’m not sure if there’s a term for it.
I feel antsy and overwhelmed and I can’t think straight, it’s like everything and nothing all at once.
I feel empty, like I’m hungry and thirsty and bored but *nothing* I do is satisfactory. Food doesn’t taste good and it also doesn’t fill me up, etc.
it’s not an emotionally numb feeling, I get that tool d this isn’t it. I feel like I’m trying to anxiously fill a hole and nothing is working.
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ptsd
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I have a girlfriend who I’ve been dating for 2 and a half years and I love her to death. She’s done a lot for me and helped me through so much. But one thing that she does that always ends up hurting me is her crying habits. She cry’s at all conflict big or small. If I slightly raise my voice at her she cries, if we get into any kind of disagreement she cries. Every time she does regardless of if I’m in the right or not I just feel like an asshole and apologize a shit ton. Today I told her that I might not be able to go to our homecoming dance because we might have a playoff game when the dance is taking place. She responded with silence and then said “I spent $150 on a dress” like it was my fault. After we walked around and I kept apologizing for ruining homecoming for her. I asked if she was mad at me and she said no but I said “I think you are”. I tried to explain to her why I felt that way and she just started crying. I’m just frustrated. I can’t even communicate my own feelings because of it
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depression
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So diagnosed a month or two ago ptsd/depression/anxiety. Start with a therapist soon and wondering how much to tell them? By that I mean the actual physical abuse obviously. But before that started, abuser would consistently break into my room when I was sleeping and watch porn on my computer and do other activities during, knowing I was awake. I'm not sure of that is something they would need to know about or if it matters? I guess I'm mostly at a loss for how much to divulge or if that's even relevant?
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ptsd
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I kind of knew deep down that they would never go away but it’s been a while since I’ve had such a strong one. I’ve been awake for 5 hours now and I can still see the whole thing in perfect colour when I close my eyes. The images flash across my mind while I work, when people walk by that look similar to him I tense up. I’m super on edge today and jumpy. I’m not sure why I had such an intense one, such a violent one. But I think I have an idea. I started a new job that is downtown and that’s where I lived with him. So the streets and stores are all familiar, the market Im in I can remember eating poutines a few shops over. Buying pastries from the very place I work now.
Any suggestions on how to control them? Maybe some coping techniques to keep the images from flashing by again and again. I’ve tried deep breathing and thinking of my Fiancé when I start to tense.
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ptsd
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hi. so i’m assuming that i’ve had ocd for many years now. as a younger kid, i would make weird mouth sounds and do weird things until they felt right. in school i would write things down, and if letters or numbers looked weird, i would erase them and write them again until they looked right. i also would flick lights on and off and i used to ALWAYS need to sanitize my hands in school before i ate and if i didn’t do it i wouldn’t eat because i was terrified of getting ill. i did a lot of other things i just don’t remember much of my childhood because of trauma. my mom thought i was weird for the things i did. i have a lot of thoughts that are like, “if you don’t turn off that light in 3 seconds you don’t love your dog” and i used to have extremely bad gruesome thoughts of people falling from buildings and cracking their heads open and their blood being all over the place. when i was younger these thoughts would scare me and make me feel weird. i’m 20 now, and these thoughts and these odd things i would do i think started when i was about 10-11? i feel like this is definitely ocd lol BUT i feel like i’ve had on and off ocd? i don’t know if that’s a thing, i’m very new to this and i’m sorry if i sound uneducated, but basically like two years ago the thoughts stopped. not completely, but i distracted myself enough to where they wouldn’t bother me that much. now, two years later, they’re back. and they are BAD. i feel like i’m starting to develop POCD, and i don’t know what to do. this morning i cried because i had i thought that i would enjoy child pornography. i don’t know why the fuck i thought that but i’m scared. i cant stop thinking about it. and everyday there’s always something new, i always find creepy stuff to think about. please i could really use some advice. i know i have to go get diagnosed, but last time i talked to someone about my mental health they said i had bipolar (which.. i don’t think i have at all) and i felt very ignored even though i told them that i have intrusive thoughts. am i a bad person? what if i mean these thoughts? edit: i forgot to mention that i have emetophobia which makes everything worse. when i get meat from fast food places, i ask my gf to try it and make sure it’s all the way cooked, if food tastes even a little bit off i’ll spit it out and not eat, washing hands constantly, checking expiration dates, thoughts like “i will get sick” or “i feel sick. i must be sick” and they’re hard to stop and feel extremely real, and so many other things.
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OCD
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How do I know if I have depression? I never wanted to tell how I feel bcs it honestly hard to say. Im still functional for someone having insomnias but Im so tired. I wake up forcing myself to be happy when all I want to do was lay down and sleep for days. I hate myself everyday. I always feel sad. I can’t even look at the mirror nor go outside the house. I don’t want to be with people. I want to be by myself. It feels like everyday Im drowning and idk where it came from and why do I have to think and feel this. I can’t ask anyone nor talk to them abt this bcs it might come out as weirdly emotional. Felt numb and sometimes too much emotion. Is this normal?
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depression
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hi, i have pure o. i just replayed a disgusting action in my mind to see if i react to and now i feel guilty about replaying such a thing in my head. i need to confirm that there's nothing wrong with me but i feel soo guilty about that. how am i gonna forgive myself? is replaying actions in the head about the illness or am i a disgusting person?
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OCD
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I'm autistic and have five sisters and I'm the only boy. But I can't see it from their perspective .so asking from your perspective as someone who has a sibling on the spectrum.
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aspergers
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I (19 F) was groomed and manipulated by a coworker (30 F) for a month. I had a long term relationship that was toxic and taking an emotional toll on me. We were in the process of breaking up and I was destroyed. My coworker noticed that and began preying on me. He manipulated everything to try to get closer to me while i was vulnerable and had my guard down.
After a while of getting me to trust him he got me to come to his home and he would aggressively use me sexually, doing things i never consented to. I would just lie there because i was so vulnerable. I didn’t even realize it was wrong. I continued going to his house for about a month.
One day I realized he completely groomed me and used me. But I constantly tell myself this was my fault. I shouldn’t have kept going there. Maybe he thought that by going to his house I was consenting to sexual acts.
Please someone help me process this. Was this my fault? I have many ptsd symptoms that have stemmed from this experience. But I don’t know if what happened warrants that.
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ptsd
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Hi guys,i’m new to the community even though i have ptsd since last year.
My stress and fear it’s still going on and im seeking a therapist because im
Having health complications and im only 21.
I am a female.
I have always been a loner and really always experienced things less emotionally than everyone else.
I don’t like people touching me or anything body contact like and i love my routine.
I had a bad childhood,violent father and never had any interest in boys/girls.
one day i met this guy and i tried to satisfy what society wants me to do.
But i cannot stand it,i would cry and feel anxiety just staying with him.
The guy did nothing wrong
I just felt super distressed just staying with him and changing my routine.
We tried to live together and thats when i completely gone crazy,i tried kill myself from the stress burn out.
My body and mind could have not take such a change.
I almost kill myself.
I dont even know wtf is wrong with me.do i fear men so much?
I have never listen to someone who develop ptsd from having a healthy relationship.
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ptsd
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SO does not want get therapy or get medication. SO only thinks their ADHD is related to tasks versus actions that are harmful to the family.
Does anyone have ideas on intervention or ideas on bringing it up. The goal isn’t to blame but to show that focusing on the family is important instead of literally getting high and getting rushes from spending money and partying. All they think about is fun instead of responsibility.
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ADHD
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I’m always so excited to meet new potential friends, but once we get to texting, I’m just exhausted/distracted/low energy/enjoying my space. I feel like it’s really hard for me to maintain new friendships. I have a handful of pals, but either they’re long distance or their schedules don’t match up with mine and we barely hang out.
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ADHD
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This advice is so contradictory and confusing. I do what they ask of me but don't get any results. I know I'm speaking loudly enough because they'll look at me and make eye contact after I talk to them.
They'll look directly at me when I say "Hey" and say nothing in response. It's so awkward and embarrassing whenever this happens.
I'm not even sure why it's happening.
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aspergers
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I had a real bad time with OCD about a month ago, and it calmed down for a while but it’s recently returned with a vengeance. I cannot get help or see a specialist. I don’t know what to do. My thoughts are consumed with if i’m attracted to kids, etc. A while back when this started I saw like, a kid model or something and thought “awe, she’s pretty. if someone my age or older looked like that i’d totally date them.” i didn’t think much of it then but i remembered it randomly this morning and it has consumed me. does this mean i am a pedo? was i into that little girl? was i sexualizing her?
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OCD
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Whenever there’s a problem in my life it usually always seems to be because of me. Im tired of always doing things wrong and saying the wrong things. I’m too moody, too hardheaded, too ignorant too closed off, and too self pitying. I want someone to be there by my side no matter what but I always seem to ruin it and they eventually leave (understandably). I’d also like to be able to be proud of who i am and how i’m doing mentally. I understand that I am the problem, now I just want it to stop.
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depression
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I find it hard to explain but at times, somebody will be like Rob, do this and I won't hear it or understand it, today a women asked me to move a table a certain way and for whatever reason I became confused and just pushed it slightly then let her do it as I didn't understand, she must of thought I was a moron or something. A few minutes later I thought I think I knew what she wanted...It doesn't always happen only sometimes.
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aspergers
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Imagine you were born into a roughly 200 person tribe many thousands of years ago - such a tribe would have a leadership hierarchy, and most able bodied members would work different roles (e.g, hunting, other food gathering, crafts, caretakers, etc.) so as to keep the entire tribe alive.
Some trade might be happening with other very similar tribes, however most of existence is just in the scope of the tribe.
Imagine you were born into such a tribe - what role would best suit you?
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aspergers
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The last 3 weeks I’ve been so obsessed with my breathing! I can’t concentrate on anything else I can’t enjoy anything. I’m so depressed and discouraged and afraid. Idk why this is happening I’ve never had it before. I’ve had a lot of traumatic stuff happen lately which I think triggered it and now I’m stuck. I need some advice please !
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OCD
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(25m) Graduated from college last spring and landed a job. It’s a highly focus job in troubleshooting computer healthcare applications. It’s been a struggle learning everything and it has tampered with my motivation. After work I sit and do nothing, like I have no interest with the stuff I use to be interested in. I am in a new city during a pandemic and it is extremely difficult to find finds. Has anyone felt this way and if anyone could give me some words of advice I would highly appreciate it.
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aspergers
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Just a question for everyone who’s on medication.
How long did you wait in between dosage adjustments to let you PCP know that either the dosage isnt working or what not?
Im on Adderall XR 10 x2 a day. I was just on 10mg XR plus a 5mg IR. I told my PCP that roughly around 4 hours the medication started wearing off and the 5MG wasnt doing anything. So he adjusted my dosage to 2 10MG XR’s. Im going on two weeks and I scheduled an appointment with a different doctor since mine is on vacation for a month. Im hoping they dont think in just search for drugs. I would just enjoy for my medication to last a whole shift at work.
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ADHD
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As of right now, I don’t have the urge to kill myself, but I do still have this lingering hate towards myself. I find myself annoying, clumsy, and I make the stupidest and most careless decisions without taking other people into account.
But for some reason, people still care about me. They still love me. I don’t know if I’ll ever see what they see. What about me could possibly make people love me the way that they do? I appreciate it a lot. But I’ll never understand. I’m not special. I ain’t that great, to be honest. I just work, come home and sleep. I don’t really have a social life or anything.
But I know I have to stay. I’ll keep making mistakes in life and beat myself up over and over, but taking my life isn’t an option now in my mind. I can’t. It’ll break everybody’s heart. And I’d rather break just my heart a thousand times over and get over it the next day, than to break a million people’s hearts and have it linger throughout their lifetimes.
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depression
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I'm really depressed.. I know it will pass but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. I lost my mom/ closest person to me to pancreatic cancer September 30th, she was diagnosed in March. Im quitting smoking weed after 10 years of heavy use numbing, started taking an antidepressant last week, it hasn't kicked in yet. I feel helpless right now. I'm not suicidal, I want to live a good life for me and I know it's what my mom would want. I feel so alone right now. Really low. Just having some support from people who have maybe gone through it might help. How do you get through this?
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depression
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POCD Real Event OCD
I've already spoken about this but anxiety is sky high right now, (15f) when I was a dumb stupid idiot young teen I used to think of all sorts of weird stuff bc I was hypersexual, this obviously meant I thought of bad stuff. At the time, I didn't see anything wrong with it/I kind of knew it was bad but didn't understand it was when I did it. And now I'm so disgusted and mortified with myself. I'm scared I'm a p. I don't want to be. I hope I'm not. It seriously makes me want to die. I'm not attracted to children. I'm only attracted to men and deep down I think I know this but my past is killing me. I hate myseld for being such a dumb teen. But that isn't the bad bit, I was actually ok with this and had accepted that I was a dumb teen and would never do it again, but last night I watched Luca and got really bad intrusive thoughts at the end and yes my anxiety got super bad again. I don't even care about getting better with my OCD completely yet, I just want to know I'm not a p and I want to be ok. My mind is telling me that if I never had OCD then I'd still be like that. I'm so scared. It just makes me want to die. Someone please help me.
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OCD
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I can't focus, I try to study, but after what happened a few days ago my mind is much more erratic
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ptsd
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Hi everyone!
My name is Rishi. I am a high school sophomore and earlier this year I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I received treatment through Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (more specifically Exposure and Response Prevention).
However, during my treatment, I noticed several problems in the way that we treat OCD. The first was that OCD treatment is fairly expensive and often underinsured. My treatment was around $15,000, luckily I had insurance that covered it, but a lot of the people I met during my treatment did not have insurance that covered it. The second problem I noticed was that there was a steep drop-off in treatment after recovery (there was very little support to prevent relapse). The third problem was that most of the time, exposure and response prevention requires specialists to be done properly. Making it difficult for non-specialist therapists to treat their patients with OCD. The last problem was that there wasn’t any open-source treatment (like a website or app to help patients).
I attempted to solve these problems with an app that I built. To solve the first one, I made it completely free and available to anyone with an iPhone. It also helps with relapse prevention because patients can repeat previous exposures. To solve the third, I included a therapist section where therapists could track the patient's exposure progress and assign homework to the patient.
If you are interested its features for patients include:
* A gamified version of the ERP journey (using game-like “levels” as each exposure),
* A built-in exposure screen with a table and timer for each exposure,
* A screen to write words, pictures, articles, sounds, and videos that cause anxiety,
* Several informational screens to teach about obsessive-compulsive disorder,
* A journal
* A screen where patients would receive homework from their therapist,
* A group forum feature where users can ask each other questions.
If you are at all interested, for more information about the app you can visit:[ https://sites.google.com/view/anxiety-ally-app/home](https://sites.google.com/view/anxiety-ally-app/home). My app is called “Anxiety Ally” and can be accessed here:[ https://apps.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-ally/id1576968560](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-ally/id1576968560).
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
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OCD
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So I'm currently on vacation in Arkansas right now. And whenever I come into town, my family sometimes uses my being there as an opportunity for me to watch my 91 year old grandmother who has dementia while they go to work. I am not trying to sound selfish (I'm not) I'm just really burned out from overload from having multiple issues piled into one stress inducing situation that would make me want to pull my hair out. As someone with Asperger's, I will admit that I don't know what's going on with my grandmother (mainly because I don't live in the same area) and maybe I'm just angry at the situation. Idk, I just needed to vent.
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aspergers
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Hi all, I would love some feed back.
My family and I are based in Ireland. My wife was diagnosed with CPTSD about 2 years ago. Unfortunately here in Ireland getting access to suitable therapies is not easy atall (was offered ECT yet sensory therapy or EMT not available).
I have been trying to make the family home and her transition back as smooth as possible. I think a psycheatric service dog would make a world of a difference to her. But suprise suprise no such training exsist here. So I am looking to study in order to learn to train one for us aswell as for other in simmiler circumstances. Someone's got to be the first to bring psychiatric service dogs to Ireland and I don't want to wait until that time comes so maybe I could get that ball rolling.
So what does it take to officially be able to train as a trainer (in Europe would be best for obvious reasons).
Really any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.
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ptsd
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I simply cannot hold it in anymore
My heart feels like it is being squeezed from all corners as if I am cornered between my own feelings
I cannot cry due to my medication so I feel like I have a gun against my head with my tears being the trigger itself
I want to pull it and let my feelings pour out but my body will not let me as if I will die if I do
I grow madder every day for I do every little thing to help those around me to the point of stopping whatever I am doing to care for them as if I am but a silent workhorse
My arms bleed for it is the only way for my feelings to be let out, I did this to myself, I cut my wretched arms.
Am I this tormented?
My mother knows, she has seen them, my father does not, for he is blinded by my lies
They do not know that their son has tried to end himself, but deep down they wonder
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depression
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Me and this girl have been very casually meeting as friends to go to things/events/dinners together. It's been really really cool. She moved out of town recently and told me to visit her so I went there and we spent three days having a great time and she introduced me to her friends, etc. At the end we told each other we loved each other, for the first time. The next day she blocked me on social media and blocked my phone number.
WTF
All energy and emotion is gone. I've been in bed for like a week just sleeping and staring at the ceiling feeling nothing.
I know it's a one/two hit but this one is some of the worst I've ever had. And I have no idea why she did that.
I know things pass. But what should I do now? Today?
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depression
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the only time ive succesfully had a compulsion subside it took 8 hours of resisting for the anxiety to finally start to subside does anyone else have to fight ocd for this long too or longer and if so how long did it take to beat the urge.
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OCD
|
I struggle literally every day of my life because of my autism, but people I tell about it nonchalantly throw around that at least I’m “high-functioning” as if being “high-functioning” is just a minor inconvenience like having gum stuck to my shoe or something.
I find this absolutely infuriating. It’s like the term “high-functioning” is a weapon to use against me to minimize my challenges, and comes with an expectation that I can just function like a normal person if I’m not lazy or something because I’m so “high-functioning”. This label sucks!
Does anyone else feel like this?
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aspergers
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Ok so am 17F and I have experienced a lot of trauma that I am already struggling to accept and cope with in the first place, but to top this off I feel like I don’t know if I really do have, or have a right to have even, sexual trauma.
I guess I should start by saying that I never really questioned wether I had experienced sexual abuse until I was about 12. I had been at a sleepover with a group of friends when one of us had told them about a certain person in their life that they didn’t trust and disliked because they had sexual abused her. She was wanting to get what had happened off of her chest and felt that she was in a safe place to talk about what had happened and so she told us (me and our friends). When this happened it sort of spurred us all to talk about any similar situation we’d been in. Me trying to comfort her at the time told her that to an extent I had understood what she was going through because I had been sexually abused by a relative. Now, keep in mind my memory about this talk is very spotty on its own as I have memory issues but, up until that point that I told her this I figured I’d never been sexually abused. Even as I told her this I told myself, and felt like, it was a lie that I’d made up for attention or to seem relatable (yea fucked up I know).
But after telling her this I started having lots of what seemed to be memories of sexual abuse that I to this day don’t know if they are true. But they come and go like some other ptsd flashback and memories I have. So at this point I’m questioning if maybe I had experience previous sexual trauma and that conversation had triggered the memories to be there. Whenever these memories or flashbacks come I brush it off as something I created in my head but now that I am going to therapy my therapist is telling me that what I’m experiencing is ptsd and that like many people with ptsd, my mind is telling me that it is all made up, because that would be easier to deal with than the reality of trauma.
I’m also real,y worried about this lately because my therapist has mentioned that we are going to start a kind of ptsd segment in therapy so that I can basically come to terms with these things and move on. But this is very frightening for me because for one I sincerely believe it’s a lie and secondly it makes me feel so ashamed and vulnerable and just stupid and stressed to talk about. Yesterday during an on,one therapy session she gave me a list of emotions and asked me to tell her about any events in my life where I felt these emotions and I felt that at some point she was expecting me to bring up said sexual abuse, so my mind kept traveling to that and I almost cried! Which doesn’t make sense to me because how could I become so emotional and uncomfortable with something that I’d made up on my own?! After that session I dissociated for hours and I can’t remember a large chunk of my day yesterday because of that.
I apologize for how long this is but basically I just want to know if this seems.....real? Is it possible that it’s real or is it something I just made up? My therapist tells me that the majority of the ptsd that I am currently struggling with stems from this event but how could that be true if it wasn’t real? Is she wrong?
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ptsd
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Hi!
Ive been on meds for 9-10 months now. I was on dexamphetamine 20-25mg but was having shortness of breath, tight chest, and my heart rate would jump pretty regularly up to 140, even at rest, so I was taken off them, seen by a cardiologist, who gave me the all clear (though he didn't run any tests, only looked at the ECG done by my doctor a few months earlier) but suggested a beta blocker.
I've read a lot of bad experiences with beta blockers and my cardiologist was pretty blase about taking them- said dosage/timing/how long I stayed on them was up to me, so I wanted to ask about other people's experiences and see what's common!
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ADHD
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I’ve had OCD my whole life (I’m 22) and for the past year or so, I’ve had random intrusive thoughts pop into my mind and it’s hard to get rid of them. Examples include a voice in my head telling me a loved one is going to get really ill or in an accident, and seeing faces of people I really hate over and over again. Has anybody experienced this and know how to deal with them? Sadly I can’t go to therapy right now due to being a broke student 🥴
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OCD
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Does anyone know of where I can find out the probability of my child being autistic?
I’m pregnant and have just been diagnosed with Aspergers.
The father is neurotypical. Thanks! :-)
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aspergers
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Hi everyone. I have suffered from various themes (arranged in the order of their impact) like>!HOCD, POCD, harm, TOCD, health, IOCD, Magical Thinking, etc.!<
It has been debilitating for sure. Excessive rumination took up SO many hours I could spend happily - maybe studying more, reading more books, exercising. Well, past is past. No use worrying over it.
Now, the thing is I am fed up. I mean most of them have the similar patterns showing up. >!(For eg, Harm OCD said I lost empathy so I will hurt people on the street, POCD says similar shit. I am not so dumb that I can't notice that.) !<
It's gotten boring lol.
I have, out of the blue, decided that I'll end OCD. Not by doing anything extraordinary. I am just not giving a damn about the thoughts from today. Just like some body cells would do better to self destruct themselves to prevent cancer from metastasizing to other parts, I'll just let these shitty thoughts starve themselves.
Goodbye OCD.
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OCD
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Basically the title. I love studying and the same time I hate it. I've failed alot in school growing up till now in university and still struggling. I get really lazy and stop trying because of the hours I have to put in to try and understand. Now I'm in a chemistry major and I'm no genius, but is there a way to stop thinking so hard, whenever I do my mind will go elsewhere, I'll lose focus and start doing something else entirely and keep rereading the same damn sentences for 30 mins. It's all getting on my nerves and why I hate studying.
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aspergers
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Thoughts which I don't like keep coming in my mind, I struggle in pretty much everything. I am so tired of this, anyone having suggestions how to deal with the OCD.
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OCD
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I have many interests but none that I keep up with for a long time. There are so many things I have been obsessed with, spent time in learning etc but after one point I just give up because it's not fun anymore. After that it's just me constantly feeling bad about how I just leave things. It has happened so many times that before I even start any new hobby everyone around me start telling me that I'm gonna abandon this new found interest of mine. Its so frustrating how all this affect my life. I want to read, knit, dance,journal, watch shows, learn languages but the moment I find it even a little bit boring or repetitive, I will abandon it. All these things are what makes me happy. If I'm not doing these things then I'm just reading/searching about it on internet while feeling bad as to why I'm not doing anything.
I'm not on any medications and can't really access any. Also it's much more difficult to get any adhd diagnosis here.
My question to anyone reading this would be to how to actually keep going with anything that you love and want to keep on doing like learning languages or reading books etc? I get so overwhelmed with things and I cant really multi-task.I constantly think about all the other pending things I need to do in my life before doing anything. It's frustrating to go from being so excited about any new found interest thinking that this would definitely fix my life to just be depressed about how nothing works and wtf is exactly happening in life.
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ADHD
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My friend has a stick and poke set and I touched an used needle. I didn't stick it in my skin, I just touched it for 30 seconds. She said she sanitized it and the needle wasn't used in like one week. But I don't know for sure. I am so scared now even though everyone says as long as I didn't stick myself with it it's fine...
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OCD
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I knew I had PTSD from childhood trauma and abuse. I’d been working with kids with emotional disturbances and the stress and some stuff I saw really triggered me. I quit and it’s been hard to work around kids sense.
I just feel constant anxiety, fear, never being safe. I moved in with my alcoholic narcissist father during Covid, I already was having issues before I was triggered about not feeling safe at home.
I’ve been stuck in bed for like 2 months and can’t string together a good couple days before crashing again.
I’m seeing a therapist but I just feel crazy. It’s comforting to read posts here and see other people understand.
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ptsd
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so i’ve suffered with OCD my whole life. i have this ritual before i go to bed where i have to check everything is off 7 times or i think my house will burn down, and if i don’t do it, or it “doesn’t feel right”, i get terrible night terrors about it… but this post is about something else i’ve been suffering with but never been able to speak to anybody about.
i have a bad habit with neck cracking and “grinding”. i’ve been doing it since i was 11 and i’ve always been so embarrassed about it because people made me feel like a freak, or i was just the brunt of the joke.
i can picture so many occasions in my head where people are like “eww what did you just do?!” “stop doing that!” “you’re going to hurt yourself!” when as a matter of fact, when i get anxious or it’s pointed out, i physically can’t stop.
it stopped for a good few years a couple years ago but came back at the start of 2020, and i haven’t stopped since.
so i was just wondering if anyone could help me. i don’t know whether i should go to a psychiatrist to see why i associate being nervous with neck cracking, maybe a chiropractor as something might be stuck, or just a general doctor will do.
i don’t know if this counts as OCD, or it’s just a nervous tic/habit, but any advice would be great. thanks guys
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OCD
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Hi all. I used to make some pretty offensive/edgy jokes when I was a teenager. There was little substance to them, they were just edgy for the sake of being edgy. I now see how stupid they are and how they could be hurtful and I genuinely regret making them. Recently I have been dealing with a ton of anxiety about being publicly shamed over them and I really don't know how to deal with it. I know I have moved on from this phase and know not to make these harmful jokes, but I can't get rid of the guilt and I am so worried my life will be ruined by these comments. I also kind of feel like I deserve this as punishment for being a shitty person back then. Does anyone have tips on how to deal with this?
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OCD
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For those of you who have increased in dosage.
I recently moved from 40mg to 50mg as my doctor was trying to increases the length in which the Vyvanse would last before I needed a booster in the afternoon.
The only thing I’ve noticed is soreness in my chest that goes away when I take a medication for anxiety.
Has anyone had a similar experience? If so did going back down resolve the issue?
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ADHD
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- No close friends
- Guilt about past behaviors
- Losing interest in special interests
- Confidence is gone
- Lifting weights (which makes me feel better) less often because I push carts all day at work
- Terrible diet because I feel my looks don’t even matter because I’ll be too awkward for women anyway, even if in shape
- No energy to fake being sociable; conversations are mostly brief and involve small talk (I also blame work for this-it drains all of my emotional reserves, making me moody half the time)
- Upset that people at work know I’m depressed...I wear my emotions on my sleeve
- Worried about the future: I‘m almost 37 years old, and still can’t afford my own place
- Feeling like nothing really matters anymore in life, in general
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aspergers
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When I’m doing laundry and finish throwing clothes in the dryer, I always have to shut the dryer and then walk around the house to find my 3 cats before turning it on. Even if I check inside the dryer I still worry that a cat could have slipped by while I had my back turned and could be under the clothes where I can’t see them.
Does that sound like an OCD behavior or normal?
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OCD
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I've always wondered how my life would be different if I had more good teachers in school. Most of them were... so-so, but the good ones made me a better person, and what they TAUGHT me has stayed with me. For example, I used to hate math. I could barely do my times tables, let alone geometry, but that changed in 7th grade with my 7th grade math teacher, Coach Reams (also the football coach for the JV team). Now, I'm still no Archimedes, but I can succeed at math in a way I couldn't before I met him.
Good teachers can make a world of difference, but there's not nearly enough of them to pick up the slack. So, redditors, can an Aspie become a teacher, and more to the point, succeed at it? I know there would be challenges; interpersonal relationships, having to be the authority figure and making executive decisions in the classroom, and job pressure being just a few. But there's also the advantages; being able to make a difference in children's lives, the opportunity for personal and professional development at every level, and job growth.
One of the things that gets talked about a lot on this sub is working around and through challenges that we face on a day-to-day basis. Would becoming a teacher be that much different?
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aspergers
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I've made it to lol. 24 I just don't want to make it any further I feel like my life will never have purpose I hope one day I have enough to do it.
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depression
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Currently, I have been around some really deceitful people and it’s triggering me. I already had trouble trusting because of the event but now it feels like I can’t trust anyone again. How can I find trustworthy people when I see everyone as liars and selfish people?
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ptsd
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I feel so useless, I cant do anything it feels like. I dont talk much to anyone anymore, my family or relatives or anyone. I feel so lonely, in this darkness I cant get out of. The only relative I talked to and really trusted is getting married and I feel I wont ever have the same connection anymore.
These walls are getting smaller and smaller, my thoughts are spinning.
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depression
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I basically always start with my T-shirt/jumper and then, my trousers but I did the opposite today as an exposure and I’ve been feeling dreadful since then...
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OCD
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So for as long as I can remember, I have always been labeled as someone “with their head in their clouds” or “daydreamer”
In school, I barely passed my exams because I couldn’t find the focus to handle any of my revision prior to the exam, and written assignments would take me hours to even begin.
When I was 19, I met whom I believed to be the love of my life. In fact, I moved from the UK to the USA to be with her. At first, I couldn’t hold a job because I either couldn’t afford to get there (I couldn’t yet drive) or I couldn’t perform well enough without forgetting what I was doing.
Finally, I got a well-paying job. At first, I did great because all I had to do was hit certain check marks and I’d get assessed well. Then they changed the system, and I started failing at that too. We had, essentially, a Wikipedia of information about what callers would reach out to us for, and we had to pull up the page and read it to them. Even if we knew the information off the top of my heads. Well, that proved to be too much for me to focus on, and I started getting written warnings, etc. about my performance. It all got too much for me mentally and I couldn’t take the constantly being put down, so I quit. My wife was very supportive and allowed me the time to do odd jobs around until I found work that I could handle, which I did this year.
Well, throughout the course of this journey, her and I have nearly gone separate ways on numerous occasions, and I know it’s my fault. I struggle so much to pay attention, that I forget either things she asked, or conversations we have had, and it puts such a strain on us both.
She finally, a few months ago, put out the idea that I could have ADHD (it’s not something I’d thought about before, but hindsight is 20/20). Since then, I have been put on Wellbutrin, but it hasn’t touch my focus.
I feel like this is the start of a very long journey, and I worry that my marriage can’t take the strain any longer, despite me trying so so hard.
Anyone else been in a similar position? What helped? What can I do?
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ADHD
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Was diagnosed with depression in october, but been without friends for a long time. Years. I've been trying to make progress. I was recently diagnosed with aspergers which made me feel worse. My ex, who i've been close to, is now talking to a new guy (we split up in august last year but still kept close and there was always the possibility of us getting back together). meanwhile, the third date i was meant to go on has been cancelled, and i have nothing. noithing to do. all i do is sit at home, i cry myself to sleep, because i cannot bare the loneliness. I hate this life. I just want a different one. I'm told I should be grateful for having a stable family and good education etc, and whilst i am glad in that regard, as to education, being intelligent has never made me happy. i've grown up far too quickly, i'm 18 and supposed to start university in autumn. if i have to wait til then to make friends or do anything, i mean i cant even seem to get a job....i'm done with life.
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aspergers
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I just bought a brand new iPhone 13 mini and the first thing I do before I even put a case on it is accidentally let it flop onto the kitchen table. After examining it for an hour I noticed on the back, between the glass and the frame, there’s a small black speck. I can’t get it out, I’ve tried everything at this point and now I’m scared I’ve created a bigger gap or something. At this point my OCD is getting worse and I need to get help. Ever since I was a kid I would have intrusive thoughts and write in my little journal “you do not hate Jesus you do not hate Jesus” after my head repeatedly telling me I hate Jesus. It’s seemed to evolve as I’ve grown up. Getting a bit older I would freak out over my toys, I remember making little nests for them in hidden spots so no one could touch or hurt them. I remember my friend moving something on my dresser and literally thinking about it and crying over it for days. In high school I started counting every single hair I shed because I wanted perfect hair. Now I’m 23 and I compulsively clean and I wear gloves on a daily basis because I feel physically sick touching things. Despite the major expense I buy almost two of everything but with my phone I just can’t afford to buy another. I was sent to a mental ward in high school and told the psychiatrist I thought I had OCD and he simply rubbed his hand against a table and asked if that bothered me? I’m 23 now and bc of that I’ve been anxious to get help since bc I feel like no one believes me.
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OCD
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Hi all. Finally got diagnosis at age 48. Been on BP meds for 20+ years. Always attributed not doing homework, cleaning- procrastinating to depression related to BP before my wife convinced me to talk to doc. I actually referenced the shared experiences of this board as resonating with me.
On Dextroamphetamine 15 mg to start.
Question was - did anybody have great success stories career wise after starting meds? I’m only in the first week - but my daily production level is reaching heights of what I could only do when in hyper focus mode/under the gun.
Breaking the overdoing it with THC vape or edible at end of night is different story.
Also- do you still drink as much coffee?
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ADHD
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Im not diagnosed (currently seeking a diagnosis) but I have suspected that I have ADD or ADHD for a long time now. Sometimes I can really force myself to focus because I really do want to learn and I want to do well. I really do want to complete my assignments and eventually get my degree. But sometimes it's like my brain decides it's done with focusing and all of my lecturers words fly past me in a jumble of noise. I find myself looking at how long I have left of the lecture and hoping time will move faster so I can leave and move onto doing something else. I don't feel like i'm taking things in and this really frustrates me, I get so mad at myself and think things like 'why can't you just sit here for the next 20 minutes and focus it's not long at all, what is wrong with you'. I'm tired of forgetting something 3 seconds after it was in my mind. I'm tired of trying my hardest to focus and getting frustrated at myself when I miss some information because the lecturer is speaking too fast. I'm getting so tired of getting overwhelmed. I was excited to go to University and just having the freedom of independence also excited me, but I really just feel like a failure even when most things do go right.
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ADHD
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i was doing Meditation then my father walked in he laughed at me like i was a clown then i said what? He closed the door and left im crying so bad right now like i was doing somthing i should be ashamed of? I had thoughts of killing my self today i decided to meditate then this? Ill fucking die
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depression
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Alo to all friends and folks,
i am a 27yo aspie and i was diagnosed when I was around 6 or 7. Recently (within the past year), i've been coming to terms with my self-hatred for myself. This involved understanding my perfectionist attitude and my incredibly judgemental frame of mind that I had been living with for as long as I can remember. To clarify, the judgement was always directed towards myself, not others. Most people know me to be a kind, if reclusive, person.
Good news! it was a success. i feel legitimately happier than i have been in quite some time and i'm gonna ride this wave as long as i can.
However, there is one aspect of myself that I have not addressed; my relationship with my aspergers syndrome. I've always hidden it away from others because I grew up in the south and kids can be pretty nasty. Through that understanding and growth, I have come to hate this part of myself and I can't seem to let it go. My deficiencies show up most in the sensory/motor skills department (beating my fingers on surfaces, whistling all the time, cant stand airplanes or large crowds, etc.). It didn't help that I always drove my parents up the wall with it (they've always asked me to stop, and still do to this day), but I've channeled it well and am a musician as a result.
I understand that this part of myself is deficient, and it's ok for me to say that. I will never be on par with an NT in that regard and that's due to things outside of my control. While I can bring understanding to that part of my character and where it comes from, I can't bring myself to love it like I would my other aspects. I'm so used to thinking of it as something that drags me down that I would rather sever that part of myself than make friends with it and lift it up to where it deserves to be.
Does anyone else feel like this? If you've overcome this aspect, what did you do that helped you get to that point?
p.s. i love you guys and the fact that you started this aspie reddit page, i only wish that this had been available to me when i was much much younger.
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aspergers
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Does anyone else have a checking behavior where if you see a recent day or date you feel the compulsion to calculate how long ago it was?
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OCD
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If I’m not mistaken, OCD makes us believe we are/are gonna become exactly what we aren’t, right? Which is why it gives us anxiety, it’s so alarming to get these bizarre intrusive throughts because it’s not us, and if it were us we wouldn’t feel any type of anxiety towards it. Is this correct?
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OCD
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I’ve been struggling with ocd for years now but recently it’s gotten way worse. My dog is getting older and having more problems like old dogs do. I obsess and make everything out to be life threatening. I feel like I need to find solutions immediately. I take care of my parents who are in their 70s and every time they have a new ache or they forget a detail, I freak out and obsess. It’s like my brain is telling me I need to know all the facts immediately or it will surely end in death. I have no health anxiety for myself, only my parents and my dog. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly researching and trying to diagnose. I just took my dog to the vet and he has gerd and needs to lose 10 pounds. He’s fine, but my brain is still on overdrive. My dad is crippled because of a leg injury that happened in 2011, otherwise healthy. Mom just got cleared of all cancer and every test has come back clean, she’s healthy. But I obsess constantly and it’s really affecting me as a person and an individual. My identity is my parents and my dog. I don’t know who I am anymore.
I needed to vent and I’m sorry if this is drawn out.
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OCD
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i have nightmares every night at this point. im getting so sick and tired of it. it’s exhausting. and they’re fucking terrifying! i just woke up from a nightmare where i got raped, which is just one of a couple of nightmares i tend to have. ill have nightmares where ill get kidnapped, tortured, raped, have to see my abusers again, and other terrifying shit.
I’ve never experienced rape or bodily harm to that extent, but it’s a huge fear of mine. im just tired of having these horrifying nightmares EVERY. GOD. DAMN. NIGHT. im SICK of it and I don’t know how to fix it
anyway thanks for reading
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ptsd
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It’s 1AM and I’m experiencing euphoric mania. This hasn’t happened in years and I know I’m not going to fall asleep if I try. So the question is:
Do I try to go to sleep?
Or
Do I take advantage of being manic and stay awake all night to be creative?
Personally I don’t think I’ll get the answer tonight, but what would you do in my shoes? I might pull an all nighter because I’m afraid I’m not going to feel this way again for a while and I really miss it. :/
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depression
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Hey guys I’ve dealt with what think is OCD all my life. I’d just like to hear what you all think.
I’ve always had these weird thoughts that will come out I’d nowhere. A thought about something I find repulsive or disgusting will play in my head over and over again, particular while I’m trying to relax. The worse is I’ve had violent thought about hurting people or myself. I’ve had them for most of my life and have not acted on them ever, but they leave me feeling like I’m a terrible person. I don’t have have them often only when I’m very stressed.
Then I’ll have these odd urges, like wanting to break something. Literally flushing money down the toilet, putting my registration sticker on something that is not my car, shutting my eyes while driving. Some of these urges are very strong it hurts and they leave me feeling like I’ve lost mind every single time.
I also tend to eat things by 5s. Like 5 cookies or 5 items at lunch
I am not satisfied Just by seeing that the knobs on the stove are in the off position. I need to twist them a little or I push the refrigerator door a few times, again by fives. I can do this a million times and still ask myself if I might have left the stove on or the fridge open.
I’d like to hear what you guys think. Thanks for any replies.
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OCD
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