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Can anyone share what these look like for you?
I've had a couple of these in my lifetime - I believe I'm in one now and last time was 10 years ago - both times off the back of extreme stress/new trauma and they last a few months.
- I can't sleep right,
- I'm constantly anxious and hypervigilant,
- flashbacks and nightmares,
- can't do the smallest of tasks/leave my house
- dissociation
And then I do have breaks during the day where I, 'feel like me' or days where I can go out and, 'handle life' as normal.
Anyone identify with this or willing to share their experiences?
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ptsd
|
Hello everyone so I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I am 95% it is ocd but I just need that conformation. I have never received any therapy services before so I do not know where to start. I was just wondering if anyone could help me out, please? How do I find a good therapist that can diagnose me? What kind of things do I have to look for? Honestly, any input would be greatly appreciated, thank you! I hope you are all doing well!
|
OCD
|
I spent the beginning of September between the beginning of November working for XXX Orthopedic Clinic. Jesus. My life has changed so drastically in that time frame. When I came here a year ago, (August 2020 up until June 2021) which which is around a total of 11 months, I spiralled into one of the worst depressive states that I've ever been in. I remember having anxiety attacks just going to the convienience store, or just leaving the house in general. I remember going to the hospital, one of the first series of mandatory outside visits I had to go in months, and I couldn't stand the fact that I felt like people were always judging me. I've come to realize I am judging them, and myself, which creates this perception of this constant judgement.
I nearly had a panic attack every time I had to go to the opthamologist after my surgery in August. Maybe it was the phenibut withdrawals, maybe it was the fasoracetam, but I definitely had to try to keep calm as possible. My emotions have expanded from a state of constant fear and avoidance, into moments of anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness, self-respect, forgiveness, so many things that were not present in me for a long time.
I remember in September that I was looking into the fact that I might have borderline disorder, schizoid disorder, a certain level of autism, ADHD, severe depression, and self classified myself as a hikkikomori/or a NEET. I just felt constantly inadequate all the time, as I was suddenly thrown outside the typical systemized school structure, and introduced to the real world. I spent a lot of my time trying to meditate, read religious texts, psychological texts, just to find something that could explain to me what I should do next in life. My answer now is there are no sudden changes, and gradual improvements, and even if they seem small, they are always a step foward. My mind was too stuck on the genius mentality to figure out everything through a hard introspection. The digger you deep; and I assure myself that I can always dig deeper, the less genius it is and the more patience it is. I didn't get to where I am today simply by praying for a miracle. I went through so much struggle and pain, emotionally, psychically, and spiritually.
I remember there were so many instance during that period when I felt like my life was a waste and I felt suicidal. I tried to get to the source of the issue, but I couldn't really see the more logical points because I was too emotional and distressed with my psychological states. I'm starting to grasp now, that adapting to a completely new country is not a menial task, especially if you share the ethnicity, but not the cultural background. I was suddenly disconnected physically from my American friends, who all had something to work for besides me. I had also recently graduated from college, and because of the Corona-virus, the market for physical training related and coaching services pretty much phased out of existence. I guess I was having such a hard time adapting to making my own decisions, firstly as a college graduate, and secondly as an expat in South Korea. My main goal was to truly understand my depression. But understanding it seems to have been much different than trying to fix it. It was like philosophizing about the problem, abstracting something like social anxiety into something like the human condition. I could not provide a tangible plan for addressing this.
I was prescribed an SSRI in Mid-September, which I gave up on once it increased my anxiety during the adaptation phase. The second time I recieved psychiatric treatment was when I took the psychological battery test for ADHD and other mental disorders, and the battery test did come out with a diagnosis of ADHD, depression, and borderline disorder. I recieved concerta for this, and multiple times switched medications to lithium, propranolol, etizolam, buproprion. I can say that buproprion was the best from that particular psych, but the increased anxiety was unbearable. Concerta was a similar case.
I'd also like to mention before coming to South Korea, I had a near death incident with a mixture of opiods, benzos, and ketamine, along with hypoglycemia. The past month I had been doing a lot of psychedelics (MDMA, mushrooms, ketamine, DMT, phenibut, lsd, 2cb, benzos) and Coronavirus just aggravated my dependency on substances. I got to the point where I was asking my dealer for heroin and meth. Thank fucking god she's from the streets and has some heart not to put me on something as terrible as those drugs. I have a feeling that incident really traumatized me. 1 month later, my close friend passed away from the same exact combination. Another friend passed away around March 2021 from similar issues. I'd not like to go into details with that.
I started to go to a bilingual psychotherapy clinic, around the period of late december, as I felt as if the drugs were just a bandaid solution, and I needed to get to the root of the actual solution. I had two counseling sessions with a Harvard Phd, who I felt had no bloody idea how to even approach my situation. I think this is the real problem with some psychologists, they classify, and then try to frame everything I tell them in a box of a DSM-V disorder. I'll never forget that this person literally printed out a sheet on our second meeting telling me about psychological defense mechanisms and read it aloud to me for the 30 minutes of the session. Needless to say, I did not continue going to this psychotherapist.
The months between January to April were a blur, as I mostly did nothing at home, tried to go outside once in a while, and drank quite a bit of alcohol during that time. I spent most of my time playing Persona 5 and Hades while being quite wasted most of the time. I was incredibly belligerent, and at this point in my head, I definitely classified myself as a full NEET.
At some point in May, I decided I was having enough of my own shit, and decided to work with my cousin in car parts warehouse. I hated nearly every day of the experience, and just getting on the bus would cause me so much anxiety, and interacting with my coworkers. Just waiting for the bus ride going there and going home would have so much physical anxiety on me. I quit around early June, as my physical health started to deteriorate.
At this time, I quit my job and started to try studying full time for anatomy and physical therapy. I could barely focus, and my anxiety levels were incredibly high, but I still made myself go to a public study cafe, the rationale being "exposure therapy". I tried to study around 10 hours a day, but looking back, I was not studying effectively, and I was trying to use the long hours as a rationale to give me some sort of value to my life.
I started seeing a different psychologist during this time. Me and her clicked very well. She cut through a lot of the bullshit and tried to get straight to the point. The truth hurts and I kept going in these rationalizing circles just avoid telling the truth. Her question was "Why do you think you need to rationalize to me?"
Soon after I stopped studying at the study cafe, I began (although a bad choice) to get legal prescriptions for benzos. The first weeks were incredibly peaceful and I made such a good deal of language exchange partners. One girl felt my story, and we began an obsessive relationship, because we were both lonely and unoccupied. Sigh, and it's also my fault and regret that it didn't work out.
I was offered a job a a clinic, and slowely but surely, my Korean improved, I got adjusted to the working life, and I was doing work that I studied for in college. Two weeks before I began paxil in order to taper of the benzodiazepines, but it really just blunted my emotions enough to just handle to stress. During those two months, I had so many experiences, and basically created the infrastructure for my own business, and connected with such a large amount of people.
I've quit my job, and I am waiting for investments to start my own business next month. I got my team, and I've learned so much in the process. My social anxiety has improved drastically. I learned so much about relationships along the way, but one thing I can say is if I can't love myself, how can I love you? Lessons learned from many past relations. I'm still tapering off the benzos and the alcohol and the antidepressants. Before I saw no future. Working made me understand the struggles of my parents. I can see and forgive why people can be so cold. I'm not alone. Everyone has got some shit going on and we just don't know what it is, so we can try to be kind without compromising our values. With my new startup, the future is unpredictable, but exciting. I feel that my decisions, from small to big are all important in the grand picture. I don't know if I can have a heart full of gratitude everyday, but I do know that if the paramedic didn't find me around 5 minutes before, I would not be here. Maintenance that day also force opened the door, and the staff had experiece with opiod overdose, and acted immediately. Sometimes I'm like yeah fuck it whatever I lived, but then, my friend didn't, and that fucks me up sometimes.
I'm not on a self righteous plane. I still drink alot, I'm on prescription benzos, antidepressants, and still drink alcohol, but I was considering suicide seriously, and now I know that I designed a good portions of my problems by myself. Things can present themselves as the "enemy", but the only power I can have is power over myself. It's a journey and I have a lot to work on. I don't want to throw around some ideal like love so casually for this thing because I change my definitions. Peace and namaste. When you see buddha kill buddha.
|
depression
|
I want to feel normal and happy but it seems unachieveable. Is there anyone out there that has beat depression and anxiety disorders? Everyday gets worse for me and Idk what to do. It's affecting every aspect of my life.
|
depression
|
I was diagnosed with OCD about a year ago. I did start going to therapy and I am a lot better in regards to most aspects of my OCD. However, there is one part of my OCD I am still struggling with and need advice/help with.
I love playing videogames and its one of my hobbies. I am not a huge gamer or anything like that, but I do enjoy it a few times throughout the week. The unfortunate thing is that in the past year or so, my OCD has started ruining my experience with videogames. It's gotten to the point where a good portion of the time I don't even enjoy playing the game; it's just filled with stress and anxiety.
When I say stress or anxiety, I mean that instead of just playing the game for fun, I have a need to play the game to finish something, or complete something, etc. For example, during Covid I fell in love with Stardew Valley (for anyone unfamiliar, it's an open world simulation role playing game, like Harvest Moon or Pokemon). It was one of the most fun games I've ever played, until my OCD took it over. To keep it short, it got to the point where I was never playing the game to have fun or mess around, I was playing it to work on it, grind the story mode, and finish it as soon as possible. And of course, when I don't finish something as soon as possible or if I am not super productive in the game, I always feel like I just wasted my time playing it. I ended up just deleting the game to stop these compulsions, but I still have that "need" present when I play other games.
Has anyone every experienced anything like this or similar to this? Any advice, tips, or tricks to overcome this compulsion?
|
OCD
|
I am not meaning existential ocd. Does anyone have for example contaminatiob ocd and existential ocd or harm ocd with depression.
I do not know which one is harde all the meaningless about life and at the same time anxiety about our obsessions.
Such a contradiction.
|
OCD
|
So I \[20M\] got diagnosed with ADHD at the start of October of this year through the NHS, and I have been told by my psychiatrist that:
>Under the terms of Right to Choose, you may have medication/titration or a psychosocial needs assessment funded, but not both. Ongoing therapy is not funded in either instance.
Firstly, is this normal? It seems strange that you can either get a psychosocial assessment OR medication? To my knowledge the most effective treatment for ADHD is a mix of therapy and medication, so seems strange that you can only get one or the other on the NHS. Also does anyone know what this psychosocial needs assessment entails?
Secondly, If I choose to have a psychosocial needs assessment what would happen if I opted for the psychosocial needs assessment but then changed my mind and wanted medication, or if I tried therapy/ coaching however this was not successful and I needed medication? Would the NHS just refuse to prescribe me medication?
And lastly, in the UK are psychiatrists the only ones allowed to prescribe ADHD medication, or can a GP prescribe too if I asked them?
Thank you for answering my questions! Dealing with this diagnosis has been rather overwhelming and I'm still wrapping my head around everything.
|
ADHD
|
I (F20) had an experience. Almost a year ago, I was black out drunk and a guy kissed me. I backed off immediately. After that I started to have these panic attacks and I told my boyfriend about it. He forgive me and we are going fine now. But I can't get over that thing. I am constantly under guilt and shame. I have these panic attacks and intrusive thoughts that won't go away. I even have flashbacks and I get this extreme anxiety where I have chest pains. It's been a long time now but I still don't know how to handle this. So my actual concern was, Can you get PTSD from something you did? or am I just overthinking?
|
ptsd
|
FUCK OFF. FUCK. OFF.
Disabilitymatches.com. I just now looked up for dating sites for people with autism, ADHD, tourettes etc. found this. And signing up I put in my completely legit e-mail address 100% correctly and it won't let me sign up because "Email_Is_Bad". That's it. It just says that in red writing beneath where I put my e-mail 100% correctly.
Okay.. elaborate? No? What do you mean no? You gotta' elaborate bro. Not cool.
Sorry for swearing. BUT COME ON
UPDATE
So then I figure maybe I all ready registered a while back, so I go to login and put forgot password. Put in my 100% correct legit e-mail address to see if it says the e-mail address is all ready registered. The red message that comes up: "You cannot register with this email. Please enter another e-mail or contact our Support team for further assistance". ...I'M NOT TRYING TO REGISTER AT THIS POINT. I'm bloody trying to see if it is registered. So yeah contact support I know I know.. it's just bloody ridiculous that this site of all sites has this problem. The irony.
|
aspergers
|
Somebody can help me?
I'm 19 and I never had a Job for more than a month
What can I do? It is even possible for someone with asperger's diagnosed too late? (Just at my 17 years)
Asperger + depression it's just too hard to get a job, worst with my family talking shit about that
Sometimes I feel like it's just impossible, I feel like I wasn't created for this world
(Sorry if my English was bad)
|
aspergers
|
In some ways, I am fairly lucky. I can come across as fairly NT. I have had the same job for nearly 3 years. I have people who I can hang out with (if this pandemic ever ends).
But when it comes down to it, there is no getting away from the fact that people will like and want to be around other people who are similar to them. I am similar to nobody, because I straddle the line between NT and autism. And I really feel like I don't care about anyone.
Empathy can vary a lot with people on the spectrum (some are too low, some are too high) but mine is to the point that I don't even feel anything if a family pet dies. And I have no interest in getting to know people. I just don't. And my life experiences are so different to anybody else.
This is what people want in a friend: someone who cares about them and someone who is similar to them/into the same stuff. I offer people nothing. I can leave my phone for days and nobody will even message to say hi.
The way my brain is wired is the problem. In essence, this means that I am the problem. Add to this the bipolar, constant depersonalisation from high anxiety (going on 7 or 8 years now), stutter, and on-and-off suicidal thoughts from all of this, and it's a wonder I'm still alive.
TLDR; I'm beginning to realise that it doesn't matter what degree of autism you have. If you are on the spectrum, you will always struggle and you will always be different. And I honestly don't know how people cope with it or can even be happy, when there is so much "wrong" (in the eyes of society) with you.
|
aspergers
|
My thoughts are eating me alive, I don't know what to do, at this point I want to get a psychiatric evaluation and hopefully, finally put my thought go rest.
|
OCD
|
Tripping acid makes my flashbacks way worse and more intense. Its brought back shit that was forgotten due to the trauma of it. I think I saw someone else get a flashback on acid as well. Everyone I know irl that I've asked if it's like that for them too tells me no, but non of them have ptsd so what would they know ya know.
|
ptsd
|
Has anyone with cheating OCD been able to explain this to family and friends? Any good links to share or ways to help them understand?
They are so supportive but finding it hard to describe
|
OCD
|
I am so tired of this, I can't go anywhere, can't meet my friends. I don't know why sometimes OCD comes to its peak and I struggle in pretty much everything. I tried medication prescribed by my therapist but I'm not seeing any improvements. If anyone recover from their OCD and reading this please suggest what works for them.
|
OCD
|
Growing up I had it rough, but there are others who have had it worse. I would always rose my anther out on anyone or even my dogs cause I kept going through so much shit, and it’s no excuse I did things I’m not very proud of to my dogs or to people. I slipped today well almost I didn’t hit more. Hold down and tap and hold by the neck but I didn’t squeeze so hard to the point it will hurt I love my dogs . I’ve gotten better with my anger really good just thing wasn’t it , we’ll it’s only 3:21 am but all day yesterday was feeling so bad and meh and insecure cause of relationship issues , I was wondering if you all have tips, none of my issues are excuses .
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depression
|
The only way I can get myself to get out of bed in the morning is by telling myself it’ll all be better after X. It’s always some bullshit thing people pretend to find meaningful like traveling somewhere, graduating, getting a new job, etc. Every fucking time I’ve always just came out the same or worse. It’s just the same thing at a different setting. If I just acknowledged that I’m broken maybe I could finally get it over with already
|
depression
|
Written in 4 days approximately.
If you read the title, thinking about the subreddit I'm using, you probably now that I'm not okay.
I actually can say that I use this post as a diary (big day diary lol) because I'm not waiting for the answers I'm hoping for from you.
I don't know why but I really need to tell my life to someone so you have the context. I don't even know if reddit will allow this post, like, being too long, too sad, useless, I don't know...
And honestly, I have no reason to complain but I can't stop thinking that my life is the worst.
So to start, I'm living in France. But not with all of its advantages. 19 yo black man, I don't think I have any reason to stay there. Calm down, I'm just starting to explain why I don't like my situation. Actually, I still ask myself what is life, why we are here, and what is beyond this world we're used to. But that is what scares me the most.
There is no reason for you to read this, I'm sure you have better things to do, things that you care about. If you're still there, you've got one last chance to close this.
Now that no one is here, I'll have to start to talk about me for you to understand (or not) why I'm not good. I used to live with my mother, never knew my father as I'm writing this. I thought about him sometimes, when I was a kid, asking why he didn't want me, his son. The answer is easy, he was just too young, probably like my mother, around 22. But my mother didn't want to abort, kept me and tried to raise as good as she could, but that's actually the only real mistake she made... Have a baby too early, without a lot of degrees, and so money.
She was not a bad mother at all, I was the only one who did the bad things. But she wasn't even ready for this, and had a tough childhood too, so this is how my life started at school. I can't say I had difficulties at school, it would be a lie. But as lazy as I am, I never worked a lot, and so my mother used to yell at me when I was not doing my homework, or didn't have the highest mark possible (slight overstatement). But she didn't only do that... She also used to beat me for those same reasons, and also if I didn't listen to her, do what she wanted me to do. I always had 2 opposite thoughts about that: I deserved it, but I also didn't deserve this treatment. But you know, she's a mother, she loves me, and think I deserve the best and wish for it. As I said before, she was not a bad mother. She wanted to give me everything I wanted, but the life decided to make our life hard, so she struggled to have money...
In fact I'm not sure about what I want to talk about now. Like, I didn't have a big life, but there are many things I think I want to mention here, so if you have some trouble understanding this story, feel free to ask me to be clear.
I could talk about the fact that I have a sclerosis since diagnosed in early 2016, but it would not be very important because it never affected me psychologically.
Maybe it is important to mention the friends I had in my life. As a child, I used to care about 4 or 5 friends, but my mother decided we had to move from the place we were living in, so I had to make new friends in early 2014. But anxiety started, probably followed by depression, so I started losing my hair the next year, and after I recovered a bit from this, they told me I was ill. But it has nothing to do with my friends, but probably because of moving from the city I used to live in. From this moment until now, I think I encountered only 2 people that care about me not for being the one that is there for them but because I may be a little interesting. Excluding them, the only people I knew used me as a "faire valoir" (I didn't find the actually word for it in English so I will explain it), as I was the ugly guy that always followed the dudes that were very selfish, or did just not care about me in fact.
I can't trust anyone. I can't trust my mother, my uncle, my aunts, my grandparents, my friends. I can talk about having psychological issues but that's it. Nobody will ever understand why I want to throw myself off a building, take so much things that I don't even remember that I'm still living this life.
It's really weird because I don't have that much difficulty to talk to psychologists, maybe because I don't know them and I know that I'll have no problems with them. Like, they don't care about me they're just here for the money. I saw many nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists, but this is still useless... Talking doesn't help me and seems like the medications are not that effective because I still think about quitting this shitty life.
In fact, I will maybe talk about this to someone. I'm just going to say that I'm writing my feelings without explanation. But I don't think anybody will ask me what I'm doing for example.
Did I tell you about high school years? I can say that it was the worst years of school but also the bests lol. I did some good friends and my first girlfriend but at the cost of losing a friend... And my depression went deeper if I can say it like that. 2 years ago, I started sh. Like, I punched me in the face very often and the day my mother she was very upset, I started to see many people to try to stop that, but one day, I was so mad at my mother (the only way she found to stop me from sh was to take my phone... At 17yo...) so I talked about my suicidal thoughts and passed 3 weeks in pediatric service of the nearest hospital.
Let's now talk about... Video games! Most of you must know them. That's probably the only thing I'm a little bit good at. It's like the only thing that makes me forget that I hate my life. But these past days it was a bit difficult to have the motivation. As an example, I'm playing fighting games, like street fighter V, dragon ball fighterz, and nowadays guilty gear strive. I love these kind of games a lot and that's not the only games I play. But I feel like it doesn't make me happy as much as before, as if I wasn't able to be happy anymore about anything... And to feel even more bad, I'm not that good at those. I win only a very few times against anyone, so it is very frustrating. It doesn't make me that happy anymore and I don't want to play alone anymore... But it is a little bit complicated in fact....
I didn't explain the lack of motivation that I have. I'm the laziest human on earth so I can't do anything serious, and sometimes I have no motivation to do the simplest things, like, wash myself, brush my teeth, in the very bad days like at the moment I have some troubles finding motivation to play the video games I like. I just want to... Do nothing. Sleep without waking up.
I love music too! I often listen to music to distract me from the bad thoughts I may have but that's not very effective. But I just love how chill can the music be. It may be the only thing that can make me happy in fact...
But I'm fighting for something I will never get. At the moment, I'm thinking that having a girlfriend that maybe cares about me and like me a little can help feel better, but it's impossible. First of all, I don't think anyone would like to be in relationship with me because of who I am and also it's just a theory, I don't think this will help at all in fact...
I'm actually thinking about moving as far as I can from the people I know, to enjoy the probably last 2 days of my life. I'm not going to do it today, because I don't have enough money and have people to pay back before I go.
I thought about a place I went in vacations with my mother... I don't remember it well but it seems to be a good memory, like I can't remember feeling bad back in those days so it maybe a good end place.
I think that I can now talk about my actual life. I'm living with a friend I know since 2014, but it's the type of guy that doesn't want to do lot of things with you. Like, at home, we used to play video games, but today, he actually never play with me. We're just in a different room doing different things. I feel sad about that now... I knew he was very selfish from the beginning but I wanted to believe that maybe he could have been a good friend (what a mistake).
I rarely go out, only for the work I had 2 days ago. For me, it doesn't seem that useful, so I never meet anyone. My socializing skills are even lower than the level of honesty from the politics. In this case, I can say I have only 3 friends from school only. But even with that, I feel empty, like, there is no way I'll be happy with my entourage. I need to escape from this life, I need to get out of here and finally end my pain.
Because it will never end... And I don't think I can handle this anymore. I feel bad everyday, want to cry everyday, remember that I have no value everyday, and I don't want it anymore. So by the time I'm writing this, I WILL finally end this in 5 months, probably for my 20th birthday. There is nothing you can do about it, and you should not feel bad for me. Like somebody said, don't worry, be happy!
Now that you have the whole story (if you made it through this you're a real god) I would like to know your thoughts about it, even though I think it will not change anything.
I hope you are not as mad as I am and even though you have problems in your life with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts, I hope that you will find what you're looking for and get better.
If I don't forget, you will maybe see some notes I took in French as I was writing this...
Update: I don't wanna wait anymore... As soon as I get the money to pay the train, I'll go end this up! I'm so tired of my life and it's unbearable!
|
depression
|
I'm from Poland so I'm sorry if I name something medical wrong.
I'm (M) 34 and after years of struggling with myself I finally got diagnosed.
If I translate this correctly I got diagnosed with the innatentive type and I have big issues with executive dysfunction.
I got prescribed with an equivalent of Ritalin (methylphenidate 10mg), slow release.
I've never liked taking any medicine and I've been anxious about the diagnosis and having to take medicine.
I'm on day 1, 4h in and I don't know - should I feel something specific? Should I feel different somehow? It's hard for me to understand if this is working in any way and I feel like I'm anxious and obsessing a little about if it's doing anything.
|
ADHD
|
I would love to hear from people who have taken medication and how it improved their lives. I am new to this and have an adhd assessment in a few days. I see alot of depressing stories on here about meds not really working and I just wondered if anything actually works? I think in the UK they usually prescribe Vyvanse/Elvanse or something. Xo
|
ADHD
|
I am a 17 year old boy from Eastern Europe and I've been "self-diagnosed"(I don't like that and I want to change it, that's why I'm making this post) of ADHD for the last 3-4 years.
Here's the story:
I saw a video on YouTube about ADHD when I was 12-ish and I began reading on the topic. I realised I relate to all of the common problems and many other with ADHD and I decided to "observe and research" myself to see if I may have ADHD.
By the time I was 13-14 I was 90% sure I had ADHD and placed this self diagnosis on myself from all the articles, blogs, sources I have read.
When I was already 15 I finally felt I had enough knowledge and courage to ask my mom to visit a doctor. I explained what all this is about Her classic reply(summary):
"This is bulshit, it's the first time I've heard of this. The internet is brainwashing you. It's made up. You're only making excuses for being lazy/getting bad grades/being irresponsible. You're playing the victim. Are you saying you're crazy? You were born perfectly healthy, you didn't have any brain disorders etc". You know the drill. I even read her some articles in our language and translated some from English. She didn't listen or try to understand what I was saying.
So I decided when I became 18 years old, I'm going to visit a doctor on my own. Time is nearing. Now I need to know:
* What specific type of doctor is it best to go to?
* What should I expect?
* Is it usually expensive?
* Is it worth it paying extra?
* Is it okay if I bring someone for support or should I go alone?
* How do I announce to my mom that I'm visiting a doctor and (eventually) got diagnosed?
Tldr: I want to visit a doctor for the first time to place a diagnosis. What should I do? Where should I go?
|
ADHD
|
Now I'll state up front, I'm just beginning to start the process of seeking a diagnosis for whatever fucked up wiring I've got that's actively trying to get me killed, but after reaching out to a few places, I am really scared I'll never be able to afford treatment.
I talked to a mental health advocate who pointed me to a few places to get started, and one of her recommendations was a place that specializes in ADHD and the price to go through the diagnosis process stated up front that it was $1800.
I am unemployed. I can't hold down a job. I am paralyzed, sitting at home, unable to even look for work. I can't explain it. I just literally cannot do it. I've had some lucky days I was able to break through the cacophony in my head and send out a few resumes, but my resume is such shit that I'm not surprised I'm not getting anything back (besides MLM's and insurance sale scammers).
What is the likelihood a general practitioner would be able to diagnose me? Or at least give me a prescription for something? I know ADHD medication is traditionally sought after by drug abusers, and I'm seriously worried that I'll be suspected of that. I am poor and getting poorer and I simply do not have the time to fuck around anymore. This disease is going to fucking kill me, and I'll be watching YouTube videos until it finishes the job.
|
ADHD
|
I feel so trapped in my own goddamn loop that I dont even know how to function anymore. I'm slowly but surely driving away everyone I love which makes me hate myself more, which makes them pull away more. It's a painful cycle that I have no idea how to break. I caved really hard into unhealthy coping mechanisms last night and it feels like the harder I try to solve my compulsions on my own the easier they are to give into. I truly don't know what to do anymore and I honestly feel like I'm one breakdown away from psychosis, im so stressed I can feel how badly my body wants to give up and shut down completely.
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OCD
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what do I do if I feel like I cant control my actions anymore? idk what to do its like I'm doing things without thinking what do I do?
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OCD
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No matter what I read about OCD, I just do not understand it.
I’ve dealt with pretty serious depression in my life but I’m very logical and even during the depression I wanted to find out what was going on so I could overcome it. As a child, I learned how to deal with bad dreams. I learned how to deal with postpartum depression. The ‘intrusive thoughts’ my spouse talks about- yes, I’ve had those during PPD and as a child and I pulled myself together, acknowledged they were thoughts that would pass (and hormones can affect people in crazy ways) etc. I didn’t let it control my life- even as a child - I had the mental ‘toughness’ to deal with the issues when they came up. (I understand it’s not necessarily an issue of toughness- that’s just how I relate to the situation. I’m sure there is a more appropriate word.)
When my spouse acts on the ocd- I cannot comprehend why he lets it control his life. I’ve tried to be empathic, kind but firm, even ‘helped’ him on occasion by completing an ocd task. However, at some very deep level- it makes me enraged.
It is illogical and it feels like he isn’t even trying to do something about it. (That doesn’t mean he isn’t trying- it just looks like that from my perspective.) Again, my brain cannot even wrap around what is going on. I’m completely lost.
The ocd didn’t show up until way into the marriage. Now it is a constant issue.
It’s wrecking the marriage. It’s affecting the children.
I try to be chill about it, supportive (I guess? although I feel like maybe I’m failing at this part) but the anger and rage I feel about it will not go away.
If the ocd just affected him- fine. But it is basically ruining our family. He won’t go to therapy.
I try to let the anger pass but every time he starts with an ocd thing I go from 0-10 in seconds.
Are there any suggestions to help me understand better how to deal with this? Or how to interact with my spouse when the ocd kicks in? How the hell to get him to therapy? Is this something that can be overcome? Anything?
Thanks
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OCD
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Lately I’ve been finding myself constantly questioning how I feel about things and asking myself if my emotions are correct towards things. Does anyone else ever constantly question their morality?
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OCD
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It baffles me. I remember a time when I would go to school, do theatre and dance rehearsal. When I had much more energy. I'd feel more burned out at the same time. It seriously baffles me. How do people shower, keep up hygiene, go to work every single day and have families? How? How do pop stars do it?
Halsey is one of my favorite pop stars. I see her constantly posting on social media. She just had a baby and went to a BTS concert. How do people live such fast paced lives? How are people productive?
I was doing so much better and then something happened that I don't want to talk about. It feels like I regressed. Like all I can do is sleep. Then when I wake up I sleep again. I go through this cycle five times in a row almost. For hours on end. Then I'll smoke or drink to take myself out of the world for even more hours. I'm sitting in my own filth. My house stinks. I feel like I'm deteriorating and disgusting.
It feels like the world is moving way too fast for me. Like I'm slowing down, frozen in time and fading away while the world goes on. How do people function? How do they do it?
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depression
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Just as the title says. I don't make this post to vent, so don't worry about that, but my self loathing is so intense that it has become an inhibitor of my daily function. I'll spare the intimate details, because I personally don't feel like they're helpful.
There are times when I feel okay, but it doesn't seem to get much better than that, and the times where I do feel okay are becoming rarer and rarer. Do any of you have tips for viewing yourselves more positively? Because I don't want to continue feeling like this, and I'm not quite sure how to unlearn it.
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aspergers
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people who are harassing you or bullying you don't think they are a bully. It's so insane to me how these people who harass other ppl think it's ok to do so. They will never stop unless you take em to court and if the justice is stop corrupt, take matters into your own hands. I have to deal with PTSD every single day because few psychos wanted to harass me for their sick amusements. My mental health was ruined, my career was ruined and my entire life was ruined.
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ptsd
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I've made a plan to do it and written a draft letter. But just curious what reasons keep you here?
If you have borderline personality disorder/avoidant personality disorder, did it ever get better for you?
Have any of you gotten to such a point that it seemed like for whatever reason you would never be mentally fit for a long term relationship and then at some point it changed for you and you were able to maintain a mostly healthy long term relationship?
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depression
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I got let go from the same company TWICE. Had to have emergency surgery & lost my left tube as well as my 5 week old fetus. My dog got out and was missing for 6 hours & I was fired from the above referenced company while I was out frantically searching for her. I’m going to have to sell my 2020 SUV & buy a beater just so I can attempt to pay my bills, which I have no clue how I will do next month and may end up losing my home before I’m able to sell it next year
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depression
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The sheer amount of paper work and steps I need to take on my own has me utterly flummoxed, despite my psychologist's best efforts to streamline it for me.
I never finished college or held a job for more than three years because of this damned disorder. But I'll be damned if I let this fucking bureaucratic bullshit deny me benefits I paid into, deserve and need.
I've found I can go a long way on resentment alone. Not the healthiest strategy, but hey.
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ADHD
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Does anyone know of any resources for what healthy, hygienic showering includes? I’m starting to work on my OCD in therapy and I want to do everything I can to ensure my success. My therapist said it’s perfectly fine for me to try to find resources for the proper way to shower. I’m also autistic so I’m not seeking this to obsess about it; I just really don’t know how to shower without rituals, while also ensuring good hygiene.
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OCD
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Been on medication for awhile now and was just wondering how common or correlated is having a big change in mood when you change doses. I pretty much have never had side effects and overall have been doing quite well on medication. I recently increased my dose cause while most of my symptoms are handled well I was looking to see if my focus would get better cause my attention still really just all over the place.
After a week in though I pretty much had a complete mental breakdown. So was just wondering is it common for this to sometimes happen increasing doses? My focus does seem much better now but it kind of worries me if I'm setting myself up for emotional situations i'm going to regret later.
Any advice on the best way to bring this up to a prescriber?
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ADHD
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I've developed agoraphobia in the last few weeks. With an intense fear of someone coming into my room. They do inspections where I am and inspections aren't something I can get around. They bang on the door super loud and it sends me into a panic attack. My room use to be like a safe place but now it feels like a coffin and its suffocating. I try to go out and I get such bad anxiety being around people. Heaven forbid I see someone who looks remotely like my attacker. But staying in my room I get flashbacks. I've been trying to woke on my PTSD with my therapist but i dont feel like I'm getting better.
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ptsd
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I was on lamictal for depression for about 2 months. I started at 25 and slowly increased to 100 before I realized my hair was falling out. I quickly weaned off with the help of my doc and started taking a vitamin to help my hair. The hair loss hasn’t yet begun to slow down and I took my last dose 3 months ago. Does anyone else have experience with hair loss due to this medication, and when did your hair stop falling out?
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depression
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it happens a lot when i’m expecting to go somewhere or do some exciting and my ocd will send me thoughts like “oh your not going to make it to this date “ or something like that or “how
will i make it through the weekend
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OCD
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I feel like I am drowning in my life. I don't know what to do. I often feel like the world doesn't care. I know I should probably talk to a Psychologist but every time I have tried i always forget to do something and my appointment is canceled.
I hate feeling like I can't get anything right. I need help but I'm scared of opening up to those closest to me. I know logicly that they care about me but for some reason I just can't talk. It is weird that I can say this stuff online to millions of strangers but I can't for the ones that are close to me, it is annoying.
I also feel trapped at the job I am currently working at, I enjoy the people but I don't like the type of work that I am doing, because of that I have very conflicted feelings about trying to get a different job.
If I could get some advice and suggestions I would appreciate it.
Also if anyone knows a good way to find a therapist i need help finding one.
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ADHD
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hi i’m 16F and I have a lot of anxiety and ocd. It is almost always sexual and that’s why I’ll get it badly around my siblings, parents etc. I was exposed to porn at a young age(like I started watching it) and for a while it gave me anxiety bc I would get these intrusive thoughts while watching it. Recently I’ve been able to block them out and I’ve never been phased by things like incest porn etc.(like I wouldn’t ever watch “dad and daughter” but I would watch “step-dad”) anyways for the first time in a while I searched it today and searched “step-dad . . .” looking for a specific one I used to watch. Now I am thinking about it and I feel anxious because it just feels wrong and it’s kicking up my thoughts and anxieties about incest etc. Is it normal to watch these kinda of things? I’m not really sure I’m just looking for some opinions on this.
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OCD
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I guess I would be labeled as the "NT" in the relationship, my friend is on the spectrum. My friend and I are both males in their late 20's.
We have been friends for a few years, and my feelings for him have definitely intensified. I love everything about him, all of his special interests, everything. It's great because we share a lot of the same interests! He also has gotten more comfortable around me which has helped me see more of his quirks and also his struggles with communication...and to be honest, I still love him dearly regardless.
The first year into our friendship he kind of came out of the closet by admitting to me and a few people that he trusts that he thinks he may be gay. From what I understand, I was the first person he told. Since then, he hasn't mentioned anything about his curiosities to me. He sometimes attempts relationships/FWB connections with women, and he's somewhat open about that with me. I have actually hung out with him and one of the women that he was interested in at one time.
He seems to want to spend time with me a lot. I constantly catch him starting at me when I am not looking. He likes getting me involved in his special interests. He seems to always want to help me with whatever I am struggling with, and I have realized that he indirectly shows he cares about my struggles by trying to help me. During our first year of friendship, mutual friends of ours were confused about us, some even told me that they could tell he was in love with me, but it confused me because he didn't act like he was romantically interested in me like that. I have seen him interact with the women he attempts to date, so I know he can be affectionate and considerate and act out in the ways a dating relationship should be.
I have a letter that I have spent a few days going over and revising that professes my feelings for him. My questions are:
1) Am I just a "special interest" to him, or does it seem like he may be feeling the same way about me?
2) Should I tell him in person about how I feel, or should I send the letter via email?
3) Are there any other men on the spectrum out there that have had a similar experience with coming out/learning about dating men during a later part of life? How did it affect you?
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aspergers
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As all of us here know, being on the Spectrum predisposes us to rigid thinking and fiercely strong principles. It's easy to see the ways this can be a negative, but it dawned on me the other day that there's at least one way this has helped me with human connections: I simply don't have it in me to be unfaithful to a significant other, or take advantage of someone who I consider a true friend.
I'm a bit of an ugly duckling. I was never socially influential or badass enough for most girls to notice me when I was young. But as a (at long last!) professionally successful middle-aged man who takes good care of his health, has a way with words, is a wholesome family man, and prioritizes enjoying life, I've had a number of women crush on me, and make it clear to me that if I made a move on them, they wouldn't resist. I won't lie, I enjoy the attention and the ego boost when this happens. And I have fantasized about taking them up on their offers; I'm only human after all.
But I never could go through with it. I have a very healthy and fulfilling marriage to an awesome partner, and we have three young children who rely on me and look up to me as an example. I have trouble forgetting the fact that I made this woman a promise that I would not have sex with anyone else, and I know that after the deed was finished, the guilt and self-spite would eat me up. Even if I was never caught — which is a big "if", given the ulterior motives often attached to affairs, and my sub-par skills at reading people — *I* would still know deep down that I was a backslider. Most importantly, I know the experience would change me, and I could never undo this change. Specifically, I fear that if I was unfaithful, the magic my relationship has would disappear, and suddenly my wife would be just another woman among many possible women, except one that I'm stuck with. That sounds like hell.
The trust my wife has in me is truly a treasure, that I'd never want to lose. She's been completely OK with me attending professional conferences out of town, or even going to music festivals without her and with a female friend, with no worry and no drama, because I've given her no reason to believe I'd ever abuse that trust.
Every mental health issue and neurodivergence comes with its upside, or it would have been selected out of the population long ago. I have to wonder if one of the reasons the traits of ASD remain in the population, is because they make for very faithful partners, who are terrible liars, and don't make commitments lightly. I have my vices, believe me. But cheating is not one of them, and seeing the damage it's done to the lives of other people I've known, I'm happy about that.
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aspergers
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I just turned 21 and have decided to pursue my PhD in experimental health psychology with the hopes of doing research on ADHD. I know that personally I was not told at all what to expect as far as symptom management goes. I was diagnosed when I was 12 and only recently learned that anxiety and depression can be a result of ADHD. I'm still learning how my ADHD affects me and I'm trying to feel less shame about the things I struggle to do.
My hope is that I can bring about more awareness and more information on ADHD so that people aren't left in the dark. In my personal experience, I feel like the authority figures in our society (teachers, doctors, parents, etc.) do not understand well enough how ADHD affects our daily lives. I wanna do experiments on different techniques to see if there's an alternative treatment for ADHD so that medicine doesn't feel like the only option.
I wanna make it clear that I don't wanna "cure" ADHD, but I wanna raise awareness and raise support for those of us who have it. I'm nervous about starting this journey and I know I have a lot to learn. There's a good 8 years of school ahead of me and I'm very nervous. But if anything, I'm hoping that I can help those who feel like there must be something wrong with them because no matter how hard they try, they can't force themselves to clean their room.
My hope is that when a diagnosis is given, the support system surrounding the ADHDer knows better how to help them. That way, hopefully, parents are offering solutions to help children clean their rooms instead of threat's to get it done.
I will admit, I don't know how much information is already out there and I don't know what information comes with a diagnosis these days but I hope that when I get to where I'm going, I will be able to provide a change in the conversations we have around ADHD.
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ADHD
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Why is it that whenever I'm on FaceTime I always then in particular pick up random items on my table to fidget with while I'm talking? Kinda curious neurologically speaking or if it's just a simple answer. Maybe nerves, but I don't fidget much otherwise
Btw fidgeting might not even be the right word so apologies if it isn't. Thanks in advance
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ADHD
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Hello! I'll preface this by saying I am not looking for medical advice; I have an appointment tomorrow with my psychiatrist and plan to bring this up. I'm just looking for a little input as to how to guide the conversation. :)
Over the past year or so I have developed some physical compulsions that are becoming concerning to me. The biggest one is an overwhelming urge to stroke the nails on my index fingers using my middle fingers. I just feel like I have to, all the time. I do a lot of typing at my job, and I crochet a lot, and I'm having to take a lot of tiny breaks to satisfy this compulsion. Another example is that when I go on my daily walk, I feel that I have to step in the middle of the sidewalk cracks with my left foot.
What's confusing to me is that I can't think of anything driving this behavior - no fear, no feeling that something will happen if I don't do it, etc. It simply feels so good to do it that I feel like I have to. I know these are pretty vague symptoms and not fully in alignment with what OCD is, but I do plan on bringing it up at my appointment, especially because my dad has OCD so there could be a genetic component. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience of having purely physical compulsions with nothing underlying behind it. If so, any experiences or advice you'd be willing to share for when I talk to my psychiatrist would be much appreciated. Thank you!
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OCD
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Ignoring the pros that come with having a fat bank account, I can't imagine how any amount of growth or learning that comes with making money would ever compensate for what my character lacks, I can't picture any open doors even if whatever large amount of cash that comes to mind actually materialized. Further feeling like I never went past the mental age of a child in many aspects, probably having the same life quality if not worse with added feelings of guilt for being entitled.
Edit: Thanks to everyone who offered more insight, I do love the convenience that money brings just as much as the commenters below stated. I don't know where I was going with this post or how to phrase things correctly since my mind is not entirely set on what I want, I probably fear the idea of working hard in my 20s and 30s just to end up as a social reject while facing the same problems but as an adult, I don't know what I would do if I reached the point where money wasn't an issue when this disorder goes on forever
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aspergers
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Does anyone else notice if there stressed out the sound of your environment gets significantly louder?
Does this happen to anyone else?
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aspergers
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I have such a hard time maintaining friendships because if I dont see them often enough I will just forget they exist until it's been weeks or months and I realise I haven't responded to their messages or reached out. Sometimes I just get an epiphany and realise 'omg, this person exists, I should message them back'.
It happens most often with my family overseas in that I will go extended periods of time just... acting like they don't exist because in my mind, they don't. Then I develop guilt driven avoidance anxiety for forgetting to respond or say something and before I know it it's been 6 months since I've spoken to them.
I've been talking to the same guy over text for weeks and it's so sad that it's actually an accomplishment that I have not forgotten about him or gotten bored yet.
It's so exhausting trying to keep up.
I'm so tired.
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ADHD
|
that's what i heard in the pool, from two 70 year old dudes. i'm 96% sure they weren't talking about me, but i do realize i walk a little "Roboty" +\_+
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aspergers
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Have y'all ever noticed that you have days where noises seem overall louder? Even the clacking of my keyboard is making me cringe from how loud it is. Went to an ENT last week, zero signs of infection and perfect hearing. Some days it's not an issue at all; I can process much more auditory stimuli and will seek out extra auditory stimuli for a background noise to help me focus. However, I also have these days where I can barely stomach any noises at all without my head hurting, not even people talking. These days are also accompanied by a lower frustration threshold and more emotional meltdowns due to overstimulation. Wondering if it's my ADHD?
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ADHD
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didnt realize this might be adhd related, but im a 2nd yr college student that was diagnosed w/ adhd this term in college @ age 19. my friends always point out how unbelievably hard i am on myself and how much i blame myself for really minor non-issues, yet never take credit for my own successes. keep in mind im an ivy league student who went 18 yrs w/o meds or a diagnosis, so im very used to always being the best at everything and suddenly im not, so my self esteem is even worse.
adhd is super underdiagnosed in women (esp indian/desi women like me), so we tend to struggle for longer w/ no explanation for why. as a result, we convince ourselves that we should be doing grandiose things like curing cancer and then are constantly rlly hard on ourselves when we don't meet these ridiculous expectations that neurotypical ppl cant even meet bc we believe that we're not working hard enough. anyone else relate? what'd you do to \~fix\~ it? im also a pre-medical student so i have this quadruple whammy of premed neuroticism, asian tiger parenting expectations, ivy league environment, and having adhd.
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ADHD
|
You know how they say that "Imposter Syndrome" applies to people who have accomplished a lot of stuff but feel like they don't really deserve the accomplishments they have achieved and feel like they'll be called out as a fraud. Well, I relate to this a lot, but here's the thing, I've barely even 'achieved' anything in life. Not only this but I actively discourage myself from trying to become too successful in any area. Because what my subconscious feeling is, "That's not my place." "It's not my place to be exceptional" It actually **discourages** me from becoming too good at something that would earn most people some type of respect and recognition. When I work(ed) at the grocery store, I deliberately kept myself from trying hard enough to move up the ranks and stayed in the entry position.
It applies to relationship type stuff too. If I had ever gotten tipped off that someone liked me, I immediately would feel ashamed for existing and messing up the 'natural order' of things. "*You're not supposed to be loved by any woman, you're supposed to keep to yourself and leave everyone else alone*" is my internalization. I could only imagine that had I ever tried to date someone, I would just be in a constant mentality of knowing that I don't really deserve her, which ends up stunting me from expressing myself, and causing her to reject me, emotionally, which would just cause a vicious cycle where things just keep spiraling until one of us just decides to cut it off.
I could only assume this is largely a C-PTSD thing mixed with elements of Imposter Syndrome. I was never really capable of successfully defending myself when I got berated or treated badly, and at a point I just fell into 'acceptance' of my inadequacy rather than trying to fight it. Nowadays I've normalized these feelings to the point of being all humorously self-deprecating and not even being emotionally affected by it anymore.
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aspergers
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Seriously, it's very ironic how my recent intrusive thoughts were all about how time is running out, and how I wasted so much of my youth, and how my life is practically over, etc. It's bad because I know it's true to an extent. However, I don't want to waste my present on these intrusive obsessions any longer! I'm sick of being in fight or flight mode every single fucking day! It hurts me that while my meds are decreasing my anxiety, they can't get rid of my OCD that has been eating me from inside since I was born.
I want to feel whole. I want to be happy. I want to start living. Is that too much to ask?
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OCD
|
I always see people get excited when they see their friends or when they start talking about something they like. i just see so many people get pleasure from simplistic things. and for some reason i cant get pleasure or happiness at all. i dont even get excited when i see a good desert. in fact it doesnt even taste good. food, music, watching movies, spending time with family, doing "fun" activities- nothing makes me happy. also im never in the mood (if you know what i mean). i dont really know if its depression or not because- like happy- im hardly sad or bored or mad or any wmotion at all. i feel like im numb to everything. and i really want to fix this thing thats happening to me because i feel like i cant even form bonds with people anymore like how i used to so easily. i dont feel connected to anything and im always drained. i got so pissed off by this issue last night taht i started crying really bad and hyperventilating. that was the most emotion ive felt in 6 months. i really need help. please someone tell me whqt i can do because i dont want to live if i cant even enjoy life...
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depression
|
I’ve been taking dextroamphetamine off and on for years and I have a real love/hate relationship with it. On one hand, it really helps me stay organized and plan ahead, but on the flip side it makes me so much more irritable and angry than I am. It also makes my anxiety and insomnia worse.
I heard about Amatadine in a book about ADHD and found some papers on studies looking into it’s effects on patients with ADHD and it sounds promising
I’m planning on talking to my psychiatrist about it, but just wondered what you guys have experienced with it.
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ADHD
|
I some super weird ones, but the weirdest, I think, is the word *Metformin*. I'm in medical school and a healthcare worker, so obviously I hear/see/talk about this word often since it's a very common medication for the treatment of diabetes.
I just want to preface by saying the gun doesn't go off and I still don't completely know how a gun works. I think I blocked as much of that memory as I could.
When I was 15, my dad had a very bad reaction to it and it caused him to have a complete and very scarring psychotic break. He has some severe mental illness, so I'm sure they really played into it. It all started when I asked him how to use one of his guns. He started by showing me how to load it and unload it. When he got to the part where he was showing how to load it, he was explaining how to use the safety and disengage the gun if prepped to fire. He was pulling back the little hammer thingy at the end and it slipped out of his fingers. When the gun didn't go off he just started freaking out and talking nonsense and calling me my mom's name. (He later told me that all he could think about was what would have happened if he accidentally shot me and he just went off the deep end.) I went and told my sisters what happened and what was going on, and then I called my mom and an ambulance. The story goes on from there for a span of two week, with my mom, sisters and I sleeping on the floor of a church because my dad was too dangerous to be around. He finally got forced to go to a psych hospital and we were able to go home to a very trashed house amd try to get what "normal" we could back.
During this time, my mom put a lot of pressure on me to take care of my sisters and help her with some very serious stuff. I'm still working through flashbacks and severe reactions to weird things, like completely normal people not making sense when they're talking, even though I know it's just them trying to describe something or whatever so I can understand.
And that's why the word *Metformin* sometimes makes me want to puke.
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ptsd
|
At the age of 17, I was raped from behind by a boyfriend. I told nobody for two years, and no one in my family knows to this day. It was humiliating, especially the way it happened, and I decided I would never let anybody touch me like that again. I will withhold the details due to the graphic and violent nature of it all.
​
Since then, I've been in and out of therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD due to that assault and an abusive childhood. I went through a string of unhealthy, sometimes abusive relationships after that. This past March, I met someone who I believe is the first healthy, wonderful person I've ever dated. He's a rock. I explained to him all that had happened, and that there were certain types of sexual acts I would never be able to go through with--and I needed him to accept that without question. He did. Our relationship has been built, over the past five months, through trust, communication, honesty, and obsessing over dogs together. It's because of this, I think, that I finally decided last night that I wanted to try again--with this partner. I wanted to see if I could handle having sex with him in that way, without the abuse, without the pain. He insisted we didn't have to, that he didn't ever expect that from (bless him, why can't every person be like this?). I said I was ready and I wanted to try, and we did.
It was, admittedly, physically uncomfortable given the nature of the act. And I definitely don't think I really ever will want to do that specific act again; I just don't get any enjoyment from it. But I didn't panic, and I trusted him not to hurt me. We communicated with each other the entire time. I told him when he was moving too fast, and he would slow down, pull back, wait for me to direct him. After a few minutes, we finished. He asked if I was okay, and, for the first time in six years, I realized I was. And I began to sob.
​
Because here's the thing: it took me six years to finally accept, fully, that the rape wasn't my fault. That there was no "lesson to be learned" like everyone says about every bad thing that happens in life. That I had finally found someone who I could actually trust, and who deserved my trust wholeheartedly. That I had risen above that one point in my life--because that's all it is now. My being raped does not define me. And I am capable of being and deserve to be loved. I cried because I knew, finally, I'm okay. I'm loved. It doesn't matter whether or not there's a reason to everything that happened, whether or not it's all just bad luck or fate or god knows what--**I'll be okay**.
​
Last night, I hit a new level of my own healing. And I'm so grateful I have such a wonderful, loving best friend and partner who supports me and loves me--unconditionally.
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ptsd
|
(To start off I'm not completely sure if what's going on with me is ptsd but after years of reflection I think I've come to terms with certain experiences definitely counting as trauma.)
Whenever I see a certain amount of body fat- either on myself or others- I get extreme anxiety that can often be debilitating to me. By certain amount I mean body fat to the extent that someone would be curvy/ slightly overweight but I don't get the same anxiety from seeing people with large amounts of fat such as severely obese individuals.
I've been sexually abused and harassed throughout my childhood specifically by women who always had this body type and whenever I see people with the same body type I get this intense feeling of dread and disgust.
I feel absolutely terrible for this feeling because people aren't doing anything wrong by just having curves or wearing more exposing clothes and it's obviously their body their choice, but seriously, seeing them usually makes me want to cut my own flesh off until there's no resemblance of curves on myself. In the past, I was forced to do extreme exercise by my mom because I wasn't skinny enough and she'd also constantly promote eating disorders, and would also shame me for every little thing I ate. I developed disordered eating habits for a while and only recently started eating more on a regular schedule. I think this has been part responsible for my hate of body fat at least on myself but I've noticed that this feeling of disgust and repulsion to fat also goes into my feelings to others. Especially because this girl I know forced me to look at her naked body and constantly tried to show me her boobs and legs when id say I didn't want that at all, and she constantly obsessed over me being extremely possessive and tried to control me, even threatening me. She sexualized me for being queer and constantly called me a "twink" and "submissive/bottom" while calling herself a dominant top. It was absolutely disgusting. She was a whore (self identified) and she always talked about bdsm and it made me so uncomfortable. I finally broke off from her recently but now my fear of sexually promiscuous women is so much worse. I don't want to be afraid or have anything against women but it's so hard to when I get extreme anxiety whenever I see them. I'd never outwardly discriminate against any girl but in my head I'm definitely trying to avoid them at all costs. I've had too many panic/anxiety attacks for one year over body fat.
So my question is is it possible to be triggered by a certain body type or am I just being a misogynist and a terrible person for having these feelings about women with curves?
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ptsd
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I have a really tough relationship with sleep, and was prescribed medication for insomnia a couple years ago. After doing some research, I wonder now if my obsession with sleep actually stems more from OCD than actual insomnia. I’m obsessed with counting the numbers of hours of sleep I’ll get that night before going to bed, and re-count the number of hours of sleep I got that morning when I wake up. If I think I won’t be or already didn’t get an adequate amount of sleep, I will let it consume me and fill me with the dread for how horrible the next day or the day ahead will be.
This obsession has now carried into a sleep obsession on behalf of my boyfriend and I’m wondering if this could be responsibility OCD. I’m now obsessed with how much sleep HE’S getting and how it will affect him. I constantly check in (sometimes 5-10 times per night) if he knows what time he’s going to bed, if he’s aware of the current time, if he feels anxious/stressed about the time, if he’s worried about how he’ll feel tomorrow, if he knows when he’ll wake up, etc. He’s starting to get really annoyed understandably and begs me to please stop asking him. He has to keep reassuring me that yes he’s aware of the time and no he’s not worried. But I still feel so anxious for him because of my own obsession.
I also will feel incredibly guilty and think that it’s my fault that he’s up too late/tired in the morning. I apologize to him constantly. No matter how many times he tells me that fatigue doesn’t stress him out at all/bother him in the way it bothers me, I still can’t be convinced/reassured and let this anxiety go. Does this sound like OCD and has anyone else experienced anything similar?
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OCD
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Every time I try to do deep breath work while trying to be in my body I get so overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I have c-ptsd.
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ptsd
|
Hello all. I made this account so I could vent about my struggles with my OCD and how it’s affecting my life as of recent.
So to start out, I was diagnosed with OCD when I was really young. It started out with my diagnosis of dermatillomania when I was around 8 or 9. For some context, I’ve also been diagnosed with severe anxiety so my “coping” habit has always been picking my hands. However it turned into much more than just a way to cope. My thumbs all the way down to the middle of my palms look like I’ve been severely burned. I can’t help but pick. This is when I saw several therapists and consulted with dermatologists and was diagnosed with OCD as well as my already previously diagnosed dermatillomania. Hell of a combo.
So now on to how it’s affecting me as of the past two years (since I graduated high school) So for my graduation present, I was given a 1989 Mustang GT 5 speed. For reasons I won’t go into, it was a way of making up for how my original one was stolen and sold out from under me by my mother. It had a lot of issues and that’s what started my descent into what’s going on now. Ever since I got the car, if I noticed something wrong with it or I remembered something I wanted done to it, I would write it down in my Reminders on my phone. That became sort of a coping mechanism and I became incredibly obsessive. Half of the “list” is just me repeating the same things because I got so anxious that I would somehow forget something in the list so I would write It down again. The list is so long and full of repeat garbage that trying to add anything to it takes about 5 seconds per character to even appear on screen. I also have the limit of tabs that safari will allow full of forums and threads related to my car and I won’t close them because I’m too scared I’ll lose them forever. I have to close one every time I need to use safari.
Now, about a month ago I bought a 2017 Mustang GT 6 speed manual. I absolutely love the car and everything has been going great and I’ve finally had a mental break from the other car for the first time in two years. However, last Saturday I went out to eat with a bunch of people from work since I’m moving to a new job. One of my friends from work really liked the car and wanted to drive it and I begrudgingly let him since I’m a people pleaser and it’s hard to say no. HUGE MISTAKE. Not because he messed it up or anything, it’s because he moved my drivers seat because he is a good bit bigger than I am. For the last 5 days I’ve done nothing but obsess and nearly break into tears trying to get the seat right again. It didn’t help that I started messing with other controls. Now I feel like I’m going to have a break down every time I look at the car. I feel as if I don’t have it just right, my leg is going to get too fatigued too quickly using the clutch. However I can’t seem to find the “just right” position I had just last Saturday.
I don’t want to keep feeling like this and this is the worst episode I’ve ever had. I didn’t think something as simple as a drivers seat could do this to me. It doesn’t help that all the controls are electric and there’s so many adjustments that can be made. It’s driving me crazy and I feel so stupid for being so upset over a seat but I just can’t help it. I feel like my world is going to collapse and I can’t handle it anymore.
If anyone made it to the bottom of this, thank you for taking the time to read this. I really needed to get this out. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated. I haven’t ever been open to medicating but I think it might be time to explore it before I implode.
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OCD
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Has anyone ever used this or could point me in the direction to find a professional who has experience with this? Have really bad PTSD nightmares every single night and reading about this got me curious. Any help is greatly appreciated
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ptsd
|
How many of you have found that social media is a rabbit hole for you that worsens ADHD symptoms? Have you deleted social media?
I def notice myself getting sucked in and feeling aggravated/on edge after frequently using social media. My wife who does not have ADHD has zero issues not getting sucked in and doesn’t understand when I say it’s all or nothing for me (with most things) haha when I’ve deleted it I feel more calm but I have a goalie coaching business I run as a hobby and kind of need to be connected to do that.
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
Recently my OCD has found a way to make it seem like the people who give me advice and say it's just OCD are lying to me and I'm just a crazy person, it'll probably make it seem like what ever kind soul answers me is also lying to me. This scares but I'm trying to keep strong can any relate or give advice on how to ignore this thought. I feel like this came along because someone who is Crazy well deny that they are crazy and deny help which makes even more scared someone help pls.
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OCD
|
I need help. I have some though that I would be better off dead. Not that I intend on killing myself or do self harming either but I wonder if it’s normal to have these though and if it would be considered suicidal though even tho I won’t do it.
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depression
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\- Highly rational mind
\- Most loyal people ever, will never let you down once we consider you a friend
\- Nonjudgmental, not putting people in boxes
\- No lying, always straight to the point and honest with you
\- Great problem solvers, good at giving you advice
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aspergers
|
So ever since I can remember I have always had intrusive thoughts that became obsessive, and as a result of those obsessive thoughts I developed compulsions. the most common one being checking. Like checking the door to make sure it’s locked so no one can break in and harm me. I check the door about 5 times an hour when I’m home alone. I work from home so it consumed my life and is affecting my work performance. I also recently had a break up because I think the person I was with couldn’t handle being with someone that constantly lived in fear. Having obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors consumed my life. It consumed me too. So I went to a therapist and she naturally decided to test me for anxiety and personality disorders. I noticed a lot of the questions lean towards having obsessions and compulsions. I get my results on the testing very soon. I know I have obsessions and compulsions but I’m afraid to be viewed as a person with OCD. I think it’s likely that I have it. If I happen to get diagnosed what are resources I can look into? And what was it like to get diagnosed at first for you? Were you afraid?
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OCD
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Currently unmedicated
Recently it seems like my memory, attentiveness, and emotional regulation all seem to have gotten worse. Is that something that can even happen? Like, I've had bad days before but now it's more like I'm having bad weeks, frequently. Please help I feel like my mind is turning against me.
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ADHD
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I walk extremely quietly, and although my wife is not that loud of a person, by comparison her footsteps often sound like one of the billy goats gruff to me. Not her fault, obviously.
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ptsd
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Just... that, i dont know what to do to keep myself alive now...
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depression
|
I’m just done. I know I make almost everyone around me uncomfortable.
I’m so thankful I have an amazing fiancé who loves me.
Otherwise I’m not sure how well I would be doing right now.
Trying to make friends at the sport I do and while everyone is really nice I know people can’t stand being around me
And I can’t blame them
I’m too intense, I rant, I’m so full of anger.
It’s not a problem with other people
It’s me who’s fucked
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ptsd
|
Has anyone been prescribed Epilim (Valporate) for hyperarousal? I have extreme anxiety and a broken sleep pattern caused by full time triggered flight response from ptsd, which I think is hyperarousal (please tell me if this seems inaccurate).
I cannot feel tired anymore, ever, not even after months of insomnia of 2-4 hours nightly disturbed and constantly broken sleep. I am alert from the minute I wake up, and all day and all night. I can't stand it.
Taken a few nights worth of Mirtazapine but I am scared of getting dependent on it as I can't go up to more than 7.5 mg (fear of akathisia) and know it is a drug that can stop working after a while and leave me with possibly worse insomnia problems.
Doctor prescribed Epilim 200 mg twice a day. She didn't exactly say what she was giving it to me for, what it could help with. Now I'm scared to try this too, due to not wanting to become dependent on it and because of the possibility of hair loss (mental state at the moment couldn't take that blow too). I am trying to find out if it's possible that taking 100mg a day for 2-4 weeks could help and then I stop it, whether that could restore whatever is broken in my body pattern?
I wake up scared, filled with fear everyday and can't do basic things or leave the house anymore. I keep trying to ask doctors for help, but its very hard to find someone to listen.
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ptsd
|
Hey I’m 18(M) and recently I’ve been going down a rabbit hole of questioning if I might have adhd or not. I’ve took some online tests which I don’t know how accurate they all are but each one of them have came back with saying “most likely”. Since the end of junior year I’ve wondered if I may have a mood disorder of some sort and I’ve addressed this with my parents and they’ve mostly denied it but not until recently with my dad.
I was in quarantine most of my senior year and it fucking sucked. I was so unproductive and a lot of my work would be turned in weeks after the deadline. I’ve done online school before for 7th grade and it was the same thing. I constantly felt like my mind was somewhere else and I could never focus on homework, reading an article, or simply listening to the teacher over facetime. This isn’t only with work situations but also with some social situations. People say I’m a good listener, but honestly, most of the time I just stare, nod, and zone out while someone is talking to me until it is my turn to talk.
Whenever I went down the list of researching mental disorders I always skipped looking into adhd because the stigma is that adhd people bounce off the walls and are constantly butting into conversations. I’m a pretty quiet person to the point of sometimes people don’t notice I’m in the room with and I’m usually quiet only because my mind is racing between thoughts and ideas for art projects, video ideas, what I should do for my future, and a sale going on at hot topic.
Anyways I’m now wondering what I should do next, I’m too embarrassed to bring this stuff up with my parents.
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ADHD
|
I've been struggling with this almost 4 years now and finally applied for social security a week ago. I got fired from my last three jobs for attendance. I haven't worked in a year and struggle to even make a trip through Walmart. I don't even enjoy my only hobby anymore (Gaming) because anxiety always ruins it. It exhausts me even to the point that I have thrown up trying to force my self to keep playing and ignore it. Aside from that my anxiety is constant, usually worse at night and panic attacks are pretty much every other day. I'm not a war hero and my illness is from several traumatic events but I feel like my symptoms aren't normal for just PTSD. My question is does anyone else suffer this illness to the point they can't even go anywhere anymore? It started almost 4 years ago but this last year is when it became "disabling" especially after my Mom decided to leave this world, I don't wanna say it but you get the idea. Hope I didn't violate any rules, I'm new.
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ptsd
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The themes I’ve been through are: fear of schizophrenia, POCD (almost killed myself a few times), health anxiety (cancer), fear of bipolar/bpd, and my two most recent themes fear of addiction and get involved in the sex trade. Edited to add I’ve had trans ocd briefly and the strongest themes I’ve experienced are POCD, schizo, and addictions. I’m going through a really good patch mental health wise. No compulsions, fears don’t occupy my mind, essentially ocd free. However I’ve been seeing a lot of sex work stuff on the internet Twitter and what not and how bad it is and it’s become a new obsession/fear. It’s not all consuming yet but it’s getting there. I’m not allowing myself to search up stats and journals.
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OCD
|
I spent the longest time getting fed up with my arts degree because it got frustrating doing things where there was never a real 'correct answer'. In my spare time I started trying to teach myself coding, because I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do something 'technical'. And that led me to the conversion course I'm doing now - which is almost entirely maths and programming. Guess what? now I miss writing essays and reading books and doing creative work.
It seems that I always wanna be doing the thing I don't have to do - and that's what excites me. And I hate the feeling of doing what's obligatory, even though it's initially what I chose for myself. How do I just be content with what I'm doing now instead of chasing the next skill or hobby or obsession?
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ADHD
|
We never had a relationship just FWB who ended up with a child,I did not see the red flags before I got pregnant.
For 2 years he has been verbally abusing me, gaslighting me and treathening me.
We have had meetings on meetings than never helped.
And today was the day I feared the most,mediation.
And I went through with it, I owned it.
I was scared shitless,I could not eat,my anxiety was at an all time high but I did it.
And im proud of myself, because for once I did not just sit there nodding my head saying yes to things I disagreed on.
No, I went in there full force looked him deep into his eyes and I said
"I dont trust you,I dont respect you and I dislike you, but still im sitting here today trying to come to an agreement for our son.
It.felt.so.good.
It felt so damn good to finally being brave enough to tell him that. And when he gave me a letter from his lawyer where he treathened me that if I dont share custody he will take me to court.
I was even braver, again I looked him into his eyes and said no, he replied "well ill take you to court" and what I said its insane for me to even write "Well then bring it on".
I am so proud of myself, I dont care that I have not been able to eat all day or that I feel like a truck has run over me. Im so damn tired I cant think straight, but none of that matters because I
I faced my abuser,I raised my voice,I stood my ground.
EDIT:
Thank you all for your lovely comments and thank you for the rewards♡ its the next day and im still dead tired but I feel good, in the middle of all of this I forgot the person who supervise the visitations had to work a late shift and it was visitation day, so guess who had to open the door and si hi to him. And I did that too with flying colors!
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ptsd
|
I got prescribed methylphenidate xr, it recently got raised to 27mg with a booster of 10mg xr as well. I feel ok but think my booster needs to be stronger (either higher dose or medication switch). Is it ok to tell my doctor (she is a psych nurse practioner and very nice) that I think I should try adderall instead for my booster?
Also, she knows my history. I quit taking suboxone for opiate maintenance after 5 years within the same 2 weeks of getting my first appointment with her. I'm experiencing excessive hair shedding as well as random acne flare ups and I'm not sure if it's from stopping one medication or getting the other. I'm waiting for the doctor to call me back.
Has anyone experienced skin issues or hair issues on methylphenidate when you first started? Did it go away/ get better?
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ADHD
|
I applied for a promotion at work. It is for a position that (a) looks at inefficiency, and (b) comes up with sales incentive games. It is a management position, but I would not really have people that I would directly manage. I would guess that it was a management position, at least in part, in order to tell other managers what they need to do, without them feeling like they could ignore the departments advise.
I was surprised to get an interview on Thursday (it is now Monday). I thought that the interview went well. I could have likely talked about the subject mater for hours, and hours ... maybe even a whole day. There were five people interviewing me, and I think that one that posted the interview was pleasantly shocked, but who knows.
I came up with 6-pages of things that they do not necessarily directly address (I have been an agent 8-9 years, and have noticed and/or figured out a lot of oddball things). I noticed that the numbers that they gave me for the interview were made up whole cloth, and were not internally consistent. I do not think that other folks would necessarily notice that the numbers were made up. I write essays and submit them to HR, and they often become part of policy.
I am quite good at figuring out inefficiency (detective work), and coming up with procedures (problem solving). I really think that I can do quite well in this position. In the past when I had a position where I mainly filled out paperwork, and after some experience I would get my day's work done in 1-2 hours. In turn this would give me more time to think about better ways of doing things.
Now I am just waiting for the news on whether or not I got the job. This is a job that is all about one of my special interests (efficiency), and is somewhat about another special interest (managing resources). I have real examples of figuring out inefficiency and addressing it at our company!
If I don't get this job, then I fear that I would never get any promotion, ever. I will be relegated to coming up with good ideas that other people take all the credit for. I will be stuck in a position where people who know less than I do will train me for weeks on end, every year.
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aspergers
|
Hello everyone I wanted to write about my experience with Atomoxetine, a non-stimulant drug to help with ADHD incase anyone has questions or want to know about it.
Background: I got tested for ADHD after my freshman year of zoom college and was going in to my sophomore year of in-person college (majoring in engineering if it matters)
I was skeptical because I knew the fast pace of college and knew that it takes months to kick in. I decided to give it a shot and first started taking 25mg during the 4 weeks of the semester, I felt absolutely no change other that a decreased appetite, and I was a bit more tired.
Assignments started to pileup and school, life, and my responsibilities started to get super-stressful, I went back to my doctor and was prescribed Atomoxetine 40mg to take daily, and a stimulant to take as needed (for busy days or exams). I started to take 40mg and noted that most days I would be in a mental fog and be extremely tired (dozing off in class), another side effect I noticed was depression. It got so bad that I had to start an antidepressant soon after 40mg. The only time i was able to concentrate for extended periods of time when was taking the stimulant.
Doctor said lets try Atomoxetine 60mg, I tried that for maybe a week max; I was unable to stay awake during class and was left with extreme depression (to the point where i didn't get out of bed for 2 days).
Keep in mind it is week 12 of my semester now, I have been taking Atomoxetine at various dosages for 3 months and have seen no improvements, the only thing I have seen is my grade slipping and my mental health deteriorating and being extremely tired.
I brought all of there qualms to my doctor and we both agreed that there has to be a change, I was given a new antidepressant and a stimulant drug to take daily. It has only been a week and I have aced my first exam, I am able to comprehend lectures and have a lot more energy.
Although it did not work for me I know people who have had success with Atomoxetine; personally the most important thing I learned with my first time being treated for mental health is be in contact with your doctor, tell them any and all issues or questions you have, be firm about what you want and how you want to get there.
TL;DR: Atomoxetine at 25mg,40mg,60mg did not work for me and had negative side-effects with no benefits, I brought up all my issues to my doctor and had a change in medication that worked and had positive benefits.
Any questions feel free to comment or DM!
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ADHD
|
Trigger warning CSA involving sadism is mentioned.
I was 8-11 (rough timeline) when I was being abused by this teenager in his basement. No one knew or even suspected a thing. A lot of the memories are just blackness... Other ones are things are so horrible I just can't bear telling my family.
I hate that I have memories that I'm afraid to think are real to the point where it seems fake. I remember having thoughts at that age that I'm scared of, they'd only stop if I let the whole thought play out. I was pretty sheltered so there's no way I would've just thought of these things, right?
Whenever I think I remember something (I'm terrified of making things up) my head hurts for days and I'm dizzy and afraid and can't figure out what's happening around me, has anyone experienced this?
I'm not diagnosed with PTSD because my parents are super nervous about that type of doctor and they keep putting off finding one and it makes me nervous to post in this sub sometimes because what if I'm just "wanting" a mental illness like so many other people? Or what if I'm blowing my symptoms out of proportion? But at the same time I had a panic attack once that made me unable to use my arms for several minutes, I didn't know where I was or how old I was, kept blacking out and seeing things all because I briefly imagined my sandwich as human flesh. Nearly everyday I feel like I'm being touched and grabbed and so many nights are full of nightmares, occasionally I'm almost completely non verbal and more things like that.
Some days I wake up feeling like this freedom is all just a beautiful dream I don't want to wake up from. Other times I feel like I'm in a nightmare I can't escape. Why do people treat me like a monster or a freak or worse, their pet? Telling me crap like "you can't keep living in fear. You need to move on" oooh wow. What an idea. I never thought of moving on. Some people are very judgy and even bitter about the fact I didn't reach out to an adult during my time being abused or that I believed what my Master told me. Recently someone made a game out of my PTSD and would touch me in ways I didn't like because she thought it was funny (got mad I grabbed her arm to stop her even tho I was so terrified) and she repeatedly called me her pet or a dog (I was groomed to behave animalistic on command so this is very hurtful) and I'm constantly having peers and adults treat me in these ways. How do you deal with these people? Is this common?
I struggle feeling loved if I'm not being abused. The heck is this? I hate it. I don't know how to deal with these feelings. My friends and family love me so, so much but it makes me almost uneasy they don't hurt me.
I'm sorry I'm dumping all my questions here at once. Thank you for reading if you got this far. :)
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ptsd
|
It didn’t hit me until my significant other mentioned it this morning. I’m in a very peculiar mood at work right now where I’ve lost all of my energy and just want to lay down and cry. To everyone else today is just a normal Thursday but to me it is a reminder of how a few years have permanently fucked up nearly every aspect of my life. I know it’s not fair to expect others to understand trauma they know nothing about , but today is not a happy day.
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ptsd
|
After trying other meds available wher I live, I have been on original Concerta for a month now, with dosage that seems perfect for me, and it has been a game changer in terms of attention.
But I feel that although I can work for 8 hours a day now without stretching it over from 8:00 to midnight, I am not great at my work now. Not really productive, not very creative, bikeshedding a lot, taking ages to accomplish anything despite being truly focused on it. Can anyone relate and/or advise how to get more productive?
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ADHD
|
And they were the one giving you motivation to actually do something with your life after sitting there for 6+ years doing shit all with it...
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depression
|
It seems being so different gives the majority of people a hard time to understand what's what. I think this is true for every thing, based on the pareto distribution.
I don't think it's hard to understand someone with autism. I think it's hard for most people. It's already difficult to make friends and keep solid relationships, but then Aspies have an extra challenge: majority of people cannot understand their differences enough.
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aspergers
|
I am 21 years old and I’m in college. I feel like I will never be able to hold down a job due to adhd. I have difficulty getting up in the morning, staying organized, arriving to class on time, meeting deadlines, etc.
Today, I had a meeting with the head of the study abroad semester (going to Ireland next semester). She told me that she was considering taking me out of the program due to being late, unorganized, lack of professionalism, and I accidentally fell asleep during a meeting because I was up the night before doing homework.
She said I’m still in the program, but they have sent people home before and I need to put in more effort.
It really hurt when I heard her tell me things that my parents have been telling me my whole life. Things like “I don’t want to hear ‘sorry’”
Of course I’m gonna try my best, but then today I realized that it was the last day to get my laptop checked before departure and I’m sure I could go tomorrow, but I’m anxious about that being the last straw.
And I just feel like a failure. I feel like I’m functioning at the level of a child.
My instincts are to tell my mom, she will comfort me. But I can’t. I can’t go to my mom and say “hi mom, I’m your 21 year old daughter who will be studying abroad next semester and I feel like a fucking failure cause I was absent and late to so many classes that you are paying for”.
And the worst part is i don’t think I can blame it all on my adhd.
I haven’t taken adhd meds in years because it fucks with my anxiety. But there has to be something I can do. I fucking hate having this disorder
|
ADHD
|
Hey! I wrote a post like this before and received wonderful replies so I am doing it again!
Basically I was advised to write a letter to my mental illness as if it were a real person. I found it helped me, both writing to it and reading my family's letters to my mental illness.
So I started a project where I collect and publish people's ‘Letters to their mental illness’ where anybody can post letters to their illness, from eating disorders, bipolar, agoraphobia, depression, OCD etc. Alternatively you could write to a loved one about the illness. It’s all anonymous of course. The aim is to share the letters and read other people's letters and hopefully it will make us feel less alone!
I would love a letter from anybody here who would like to take part! Thank you for reading this!
Here is the website for anybody interested :) [https://www.letterstomymind.com/](https://www.letterstomymind.com/)
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OCD
|
I'm sort of in a desperate state and am taking Prozac for depression. I really cant afford mentally to stop. But I also cant afford a psychiatrist at the moment. How can I get my prescription filled?
I live in South Carolina
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depression
|
One big thing that’s been bugging me lately is either mishearing people and laughing or responding with nothing the topic has to do with from mishearing them. Also I have this fear of if I say something and it sounds remotely like a curse/slur people will think I said something bad. It could be something like the name of a brand and I’ll be talking to someone and then I’ll analyze it and be like what if the person/people around us thought I just said x instead of y even though I didn’t say anything wrong. My anxiety has been so bad with both this and over analyzing so many things both about the past and present and thinking what I could’ve done better or regretting stuff. I’m not sure if this is part of obsessive compulsive disorder. Should I talk to someone about this?
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OCD
|
I feel like crying. Idk if it's because I'm a guy and haven't been the most emotive person. It's been such a tough two months.
I separated from my partner, was taken off ADHD medication since it made my blood pressure high. I've had to have blood drawn four times and get an ultrasound because something's wrong with my liver (i don't even drink). Off the meds, i haven't been productive at work. I feel like I'm going to lose my job.
I actually had to take off yesterday and today to pack, because my lease is ending. The leasing office can't prorate any days since it's already leased or for early Dec.
And it's Nov 30th. I have to move out, but I'm still not done packing. I've been packing forever. My body hurts, my head hurts. But there's no time. I can't stop. Every thing has gone wrong for two months... My relationship, work and life.
And now I'm sitting alone in a half dismantled apartment praying that i can get out on time (14hrs until their office opens tomorrow morning).
That didn't even include unpacking, and maybe sleeping?! And i have to work tomorrow.
I just can't with everything. But I'm just sitting in silence surrounded by my failure.
I just wish I could cry
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depression
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Tw: school shooting
Today is the 6th anniversary of the shooting at my high school, and the first time it's fallen on Friday since the event. I've come a really long way and was able to go outside without being hyper vigilant. I had a small cry tonight but I feel like I did really well today and just wanted to share.
Thank you guys for the support, being able to even lurk here has been really helpful. Love you all and hope you had a good day
Edit: spelling
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ptsd
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Never give up, it will get better, just hold on! You can do this! If you are experiencing ptsd symptoms, that's valid. You are not alone, I hope you guys get better soon. One piece of advice I will give you, "focus on the journey of hope, healing and inspiration." If you need help, reach out, someone is there to help you. I am here if you need, pm me if you feel like you are alone in the war within your head. I am here to listen without judgment. I care about you! You can do this! I believe in you!
With kind thoughts~
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ptsd
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I need to get out of bed, shower, brush teeth, comb hair, do laundry, tidy up, and eat a substantial amount of food. And start applying to jobs more. Just telling someone.
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depression
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So I (31f) was officially diagnosed with severe depression and moderately severe anxiety almost a year ago (although I’ve known I’ve had both since maybe 12ish) but I’ve been going to therapy and I’ve learned a lot of coping skills and have the ability to recognize my unhelpful thinking and all that jazz. And I would say I’m pretty self aware. But I just feel tired of feeling the way I do. As a general context I’ve suffered a lot of trauma and abuse in my childhood and a lot of family issues. I feel worthless all the time and as if I need to apologize for my existence. Which I know logically I’m not worthless, but I don’t know how to get out of the cycle of thought patterns. There’s a lot of other stuff but, all that to say, I’m debating asking my therapist about taking meds.
How do you feel on meds? Do you think it has been helpful? Are there other things you would suggest trying first?
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depression
|
In my late 20’s, recently diagnosed by a therapist and my PCP. Also should mention I’ve been on 20mg of Lexapro for my anxiety/depression for a few years now (and love it! Definitely the best anxiety med I found for me after several trial and errors).
I’ve been on 40mg of Strattera twice a day for about 5 weeks now. Throughout the first few weeks I had some nausea and headaches and crazy hot flashes. The side effects have subsided for the most part but I still don’t feel any benefit from it. Still struggling to focus at work, working memory has been forgetful as always, no motivation to do much but watch tv and sleep. I had started to get into a workout routine before I started the drug, but I’ve had such little energy lately I haven’t worked out in weeks. It’s a struggle for me to even clean the house right now.
Just want to know if I’m wasting my time and should try something new, or if I need to give the Strattera another month to kick any. Any feedback/advice is appreciated. Want to hear your experiences on ADHD medications and what worked best for you. Please share dosages, routines, and outside influencers that you have found impact the effectiveness for you. Thank you all in advance!
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ADHD
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Trigger warning but I'm in crisis right now and I need to get this out.
couple years back I checked myself into a mental hospital in order to better understand myself. I thought I was going to kill myself. But it was never about dying, or ending it or any of that. Dying sucks you should never ever take your own life. I'll never have it in me to do that.
I don't want people to rely on me, to even think about me or to even know I'm there.
I am so extremely tired of trying to keep up every single appearance I can just so I can make a buck. Just so I can seem normal. Just forget about me and let me exist in my own realm. Let me just be.
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aspergers
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Does the Pomodoro method help you focus? What other systems do you use to stay focused?
For those that don't know what the Pomodoro Method is, it's basically a system where you stay focused for 25 mins then take a break for 5 and repeat the cycle for as long as you want.
If you don't use the Pomodoro method, what else do you use? Personally, I've found that if I focus on completing 5 small tasks(even if it takes me more or less than 25 mins) and then taking a small break, I'll be able to do them without boring myself.
What works for you?
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ADHD
|
When it comes to those with autism, I was wondering if there is frustration because, even though many of us like to feel it makes us differently abled or just thinking differently, when looking at them as a group there will naturally be more inherent limitations.
For example, nowadays for NTs, it is often considered the norm or at least not uncommon to be able to work as a full time B.S., M.S. or PhD student while working another full time job or at least part time job and in some cases doing that while having a family. And have passions in sports or the arts on top of that they embrace. If we were to take a sufficiently large group of NTs and a group of those with autism, for the autistic group there would be drastically fewer who would be able to manage that. Or would be able to manage, for example, getting a 3.5 higher gpa in college while at the same time working a separate full time or part time job. Outliers among those with autism, certainly, and deserving of being celebrated. So to be sure, this is not speaking in any absolutes. But far less proportionally if we're talking populations of those with autism vs those with NTs.
How do those with autism manage feeling adequate and even having a sense of pride in light of this? Is it based on this being an example of a sort of hustle culture that they learn to get over? Perhaps out of necessity, because judging their worth to society by ability to engage in hustle culture would, for the majority, not work out particularly well?
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aspergers
|
How do you feel now that you are taking medications?
Honestly I can say that they help a good amount. Some days I still get crazy anxiety from my thoughts but compared to when this first started I’m doing a lot better.
I hope you are too.
Leave your experiences below.
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OCD
|
Anybody out there with severe physical hyperactivity as an adult? I feel like I never see other adults on here talk about actually physical hyperactivity. Most people describe restless thoughts and stuff but I haven't seen people talk about that feeling of being driven by a motor. I'm super physically hyperactive. I can't sit still whatsoever and I will randomly jump, clap and run around my room. I don't even have time to think about it. It just comes over me. It drives my family crazy. But lucky it almost completely goes away when I take my medication. Can anyone relate?
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ADHD
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Almost 10 years of trying different medications, diagnoses, self help practices, therapy, endless bills, career changes, new significant others, houses, everything. Nothing I do anymore can bring me back to life even though I don’t even remember who I was. I can’t tell you anything that I enjoy or look forward to. I know I am the problem, and I’m trying harder than anyone knows to be the solution. I can’t give time, effort, or joy anymore and I’m losing my loved ones. They’re the reason why I’m here, but It doesn’t seem worth It anymore.
I’m desperate and very close to withdrawing my savings account, booking a flight and disappearing.
Any solutions or thoughts. I’m quite literally begging
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depression
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