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I've always felt like there was something a bit wrong with me compared to other kids. I was extremely anxious as a kid, and up to maybe 5th/6th grade had many irrational fears. This includes fearing being on a different floor of the house as my parents, wanting someone to be in the room with me while I showered, fear of tornados, bears, etc. Random things would trigger these fears, like hearing about a break-in on the news, learning about tornados in school, or even scary commercials on TV. Sometimes I would get extremely fearful of random individuals out in public, thinking they were going to kidnap me or were a terrorist etc. In class, I would compulsively smooth my hair, trying to tame the flyaways because I thought they were extremely noticeable. On very rare occasions as a kid I would have mystical thinking, like if I think about bluebirds, something bad will happen, and then I try to keep myself from thinking about bluebirds. I have overcome most of my "irrational" fears, (although tornados remain somewhat of a trigger), mostly via exposure, but I still have issues that I'm not sure if they could be related to OCD. This includes:
1. Extreme indecision, especially over career/life path.. This also plays out over online purchases. I will deliberate extensively to the point that it disrupts my normal routine & thinking
2. Making somewhat impulsive decisions with life choices, and going through periods of buying lots of things
3. Extreme fear of abandonment/rejection sensitive dysphoria-- obsessing over ex friends especially
4. Retroactive jealousy-- completely obsessing over people my partner has been with before me, checking their social media daily at times comparing myself
5. Possibly unrelated, but I feel like I have basically episodes of psychosis when using marijuana, particularly edibles, often leading to panic attacks
6. Obsession over appearance, randomly wanting to get cosmetic surgery and being grossed out by my body
7. Compulsively picking/rubbing scalp to feel for bits of sand/dander
The reasons I'm not sure if it's actually OCD is that I think a lot of these things were environmental. I did not grow up in a safe, affirming environment, as my Dad (and at times Mom) were/are alcoholics. There was a lot of real dysfunction/chaos in my environment, and I think a lot of my anxiety was in reaction to that, projected onto other things. My Dad is also pretty paranoid and spoke about all the dangers of the world frequently, which was confusing because he was the only real threat to us with his alcoholism & temper. In a way, I'm reticent to accept or seek out a diagnosis, because I feel like it puts the "onus" on me rather than my family of origin. It feels fatalistic, like this is how I am and how I will always be, like I'm broken. I also never (at least to me knowledge) organized things compulsively, and I'm not even particularly neat/clean... I'm not sure if these are necessary criteria of OCD. In fact, I'm fairly disorganized, although an overt lack of cleanliness has always stressed & grossed me out.
I guess I just want to know if this resonates with anyone, and where to draw the line between trauma and pathology. Is there any point in receiving a diagnosis? Does it sound like OCD? Does anyone have a similar experience?
Thanks in advance <3
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OCD
|
Hi guys so I am going to be starting on wellbrutin here pretty soon and I am asking how long did it take for it to take affect. How you noticed the changes? As well as side affects.
This will be my first time taking meds ever and don't know what to expect. I looked into them a little bit and it seems interesting. It honestly wasn't what I was expecting for adhd meds and don't know if it will even help with adhd either.
Trying to get hopeful for some progress but wanted some tips, but I know meds affect everyone differently.
Thank you in advance.
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ADHD
|
As a disclaimer, of course I DON'T miss the lowest of low depressive/non-motivated episodes, or the insanely over anxious ones. The highest highs can also be damaging.
Now that I am medicated, I feel like I am sometimes underwhelmed by the things that used to make me go completely bananas. I'm definitely still excited, and it is also probably the normal amount of excitement to have. But God, I just lived my whole life being absolutely blasted with dopamine by certain (RARE) situations or events. My body couldn't even handle all the energy and would start shaking! There was a reason other excited kids could still eventually fall asleep on Christmas Eve, but I would probably only get like 3 hours of sleep (not in a row). It was certainly negative to others around me since I was super impulsive and hyperactive as well, but I didn't feel or realize I was poorly affected it by it overall then.
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ADHD
|
Today I had a flashback while getting a cavity filled. It was absolutely the strongest, most vivid flashback I've ever had. I was literally in one of my operating rooms again being worked on. And I kind of blacked in and out of consciousness I think because I can't entirely piece together the sequence of events. But I remember hearing a whispered voice off to the side of "RiaTheMathematician, are you ok? Ria? Ria? Answer me? [Assistant], I think we should call 911.". And somehow then I was able to remember I was at the dentist's office and pull myself back to the chair. I calmed down, realized what was happening. And managed to finish the filling, somehow.
I have had flashbacks before, but never this vivid or this intense. The inability to pull myself out of it for so long is what's really scaring me. I don't want that to happen again.
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ptsd
|
Sometimes ocd is from a part of us that feels guilty or ashamed enough to that we should be punished for it, so it can hit us where it hurts!
As well as self punishment this part can be trying to get our attention and what better way?
There can also be a fear of enjoyment, that in some way enjoyment could be bad in some way so our ocd part keeps the enjoyment low to keep us safe.
edit: got a good [article on OCD here](https://www.livewelltalk.com/2020/04/obsessive-compulsive-disorder.html).
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OCD
|
I’ve completed my second week of vyvanse, 20mg, after being recently diagnosed in middle age.
The change in life was/is phenomenal. I felt present. I actually realized what “being present” meant, vs just trying to conceptualize the idea.
The biggest impact it had on me was all my ruminating just stopped. I realized that I had constant dialogue in my head. Whether it was dialogue I’d imagine having with others (over ongoing issues), or ruminating about upsetting interactions or topics.
Other thoughts I’m usually bombarded with are simple tasks that need to be completed. I could be engaged in a task (i.e.: sweeping) and something else would catch my eye as I’m sweeping (I.e.: “oh, the recycling needs to be put away”), and then instantly I’d stop and question should I continue sweeping or should I put the recycling away first?
Then I’d get agitated over my conflict, frustrated with myself that I was struggling with such a simple (and non-crucial) decision, and then berate myself for not being able to make such a simple decision. And this was my brain, all day long. And it was exhausting.
Or I’d be completing a task and suddenly stop, having lost focus and begin ruminating again.
Despite all this, I still accomplished most things but I struggled throughout the day and my anxiety levels and resulting agitation were through the roof.
Also, I was exhausted from the moment I’d wake up till the moment I’d go to bed.
The greatest impact vyvanse has had on my well being is my constant state of anxiety practically disappeared, because the rumination stopped.
My thoughts were quiet and engaged in whatever I was doing. I’d still notice things and file them away (“oh, there’s recycling to be put away, too. Okay, I’ll do it once I’m done”. And then I’d do it. No dilemma and indecision.
Also, I wasn’t exhausted throughout the day. There have been afternoon naps and when I’d fall asleep, I’d sleep hard. But otherwise, no drudging through the day. No great bursts of energy. Just feeling “awake”.
Also, no grazing food through the day, which for someone who is overweight, is very nice.
As far as my mood goes, I find I’ve been kind of flat, but that could be because I’m comparing my mood to always being anxious (incidentally, anxiety that never seemed obvious to anyone else as I’ve mastered controlling outward indications of anxiety - but not the eventual agitation).
The last two days, I’ve noticed, about midday, that my ruminating is creeping back in. Where i was able to complete tasks with my thoughts only on the topic at hand, I’ve begun having those dialogues or analyzing past situations.
There have also been a few instances where in a quiet moment, such as while washing my hands, my focus has drifted off back to stressful thoughts, in which I get lost while I’m absentmindedly holding my hands underwater.
I notice this and try to redirect myself, but after having almost two weeks of no rumination, I’m so afraid of losing the sense of peace and calm I had acquired.
As an aside, I switched to decaf on day 1 (to mitigate the chance of elevated heart rate) and that’s been just fine as I never drank a lot of coffee to begin with. I still drink a cup of coffee at night.
Another thought I’ve contemplated is that perhaps I need to consider that maybe upsetting life events might interrupt the calm the medication has brought me. (There’s been some conflict at home recently).
Anyway, thank you for reading. I do have a scheduled appointment with my doc in two weeks to discuss how things have been going.
Has anyone else struggled with rumination, and if so, are you able to manage it? I tell myself to “stop” once I notice it, but it doesn’t really work and certainly doesn’t do anything to abate the resulting resurrection of anxiety that always accompanied my rumination.
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ADHD
|
My previous therapist believed in ADHD and was the reason I have been able to get meds but they moved out of the area. Now I'm back to square one with a new therapist who apparently thinks that ADHD is just a symptom of not living responsibly. They want me off the meds that have been instrumental in my being able to get through my associate's degree. Even after explaining my history and results with meds, they are steadfast in this ignorant belief of theirs.
How much longer is this going to be a debated topic? How can so many believe in the disorder and support treatment when there's still so many that do not?
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ADHD
|
Has anyone had success with this approach/technique?
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ptsd
|
Okay why?! Whyyyy did I sit down and start scrolling…. And waste several hrs of my life doing nothing when I have several things I needed to do. Ugh. The struggle is real. I had gone around in a circle trying to finish each task I started but I didn’t… then sat on the couch. Relating to the recent posts about this hard today.
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ADHD
|
Today is the first day since starting new meds after my recent diagnosis of ADHD that I felt normal. Only cried once.
And at 56 I’m moving into mom’s home because of a abusive insane landlord and this massive change of learning I’m ADHD.
I couldn’t feel safe during the start of taking Wellbutrin and Adderall. I had started DBT, Developmental Behavioral Therapy, at the same time.
Trying to learn how to be able to focus, and think of one thing at time, and learning I cannot read other people’s minds and I that I need to not future tripping was a lot. And I felt like I had to fight the crazy landlord who is breaking the law!
It was too much. So I’m moving out and I’m back with mom who’s 82 but still healthy. And still mom.
After a few months I’ll try to start life again. I know the path forward is there. I just gotta keep plugging away.
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ADHD
|
Okay.. Right..I’m clear on how to tackle OCD - obsessive thought/patterns through my psychological sessions. However I get scared that the thoughts are so intense they will beat me down… needing some inspiration and tips…..? I go through waves where I feel (I’m in control) then (out of control) and when out of control I take it personally and it flares up again…any tips and or advice? Has anyone out there now got the upper hand?
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OCD
|
I know comoaratively this is a minor things to other things I read here but
If anything (beard, long hair, shirts etc.) other than my own two hands touch my throat I get a feeling of panic. I don‘t know where that came from, I never got choked or anything, it‘s just there.
This isn‘t that much of a problem, I just pull down my shirt a bit every 5 seconds or more but;
I have a girlfriend since eight months now (my first one) and I noticed something unnerving ... when we hug or cuddle or whatever it (obviously) shifts my shirt so that it touches my throat and I obviously start to panic and have to break off our contact until I reajusted my shirt.
Does anyone have experience with something like that? How can I train myself to stop panicking?
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OCD
|
Hi ya
I am 17 years old. I am actually writing this on my main account, as I do not care anymore. My life is in ruins. I know it sounds rather over the top coming from someone so young, but trust me, it is in shambles. Due to recent events in my life, I have lost all my friends, who are looking at me, as if I was a rapist. I have no one to talk to, I have no one. I am alone. My parents are amazing, but they can not, and should not be witnessing these feelings. I do not think, I can comprehensively describe what has happened to me, or what I am feeling. I am having panic attacks on day to day basis. I got used to it and I know how to fight them. The only problem is, when one, which is really strong, comes.
I am left in pieces of human flesh, torn out with vulgarity I can not describe.
My brain screams for help as I smile at my surroundings pretending it is ok. Everything is ok.
The only person I can talk to at least partially honestly is my teacher. She is amazing, but I am afraid, that me describing how I feel to a full extend would be too much for her and she would feel bad afterward. I am afraid I might hurt someone.
I can not look anyone straight into the eyes, without twitching, or feeling cold go through my veins.
Everything in my life sucks. I am an ugly, boring, and dumb piece of human flesh, which is there, just laying around. I am still hoping that maybe, someday, it will get better. It won't. As time proves, again and again, it just gets worse. It has been getting worse for some year and a half, and I cannot continue anymore.
Help me, please. I do not know how you can help me. But help. I need help. I need someone to talk to, I need someone, with whom I will not be afraid to let my tears flow.
I am sorry that had to read this. I truly am.
Have a great day.
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depression
|
So I have noticed a pattern, there was a time during the last period where applications were (and still are) leading nowhere, at some point, when I sat to write my letter I either had an anxiety attack (after a year of jo hunt) or when I could write, I was having a severe headache. Right now, I am in professional reconversion training, my whole life situation is weird but it was my best option. I can apply almost effortlessly (still have some headaches and apply in a scattered way, but at least no panic attacks) but when I am taking the courses, My eyes and head just hurt unbearably. and I realized, I never "failed" a year (but also never passed with impressive grades) yet I remember spending all my exam periods taking pain killers, and it just was normal to me, I thought it was because I was focusing but I am realizing it could be linked to executive function. All this feels weird because no one is talking about it? there is mention of migraines, there is mention of procrastination, but this link is never mentioned .... I just wanted to share this thought in case someone else is experiencing it and to put it out there in the hopes it alleviates the feeling and the headaches. (PS: if I do something else like groceries, walk out, etc. the headache is absent or in some cases, much less restraining than what I am still pushing myself to do the thing I have to do.)
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ADHD
|
Hi, I’m a 20F in the Eastern US. For a little while now I have suspected that I could be autistic, and I would like to know how I should start the process. Should I go through my PCP or should I seek out a psychologist/psychiatrist who does testing? What is the best plan of action? Also, for adults with autism, did you get tested in your adulthood? If so, was it more difficult to get a diagnosis? What made you decide to get tested? Also, is it harder if u go to an “elite school” because people assume you’re neurotypical because you have succeeded in these environments? Hope you all have a great weekend!
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aspergers
|
I’m not talking about hating your job, I mean do you hate working in general? I actually have a nice job cleaning pools but I don’t want to do it. I’m so sick of putting in effort. I originally got the job just because I have to do something with my time so I don’t just sit around and get depressed. To my surprise, I’ve been able to get completely depressed while working 5 days a week 8 hours a day.
It just makes me feel like there will never be anything I want to do. How the fuck do people enjoy the journey of something? People always say when they’re working toward a goal that the journey is what gives them the sense of meaning, which I can’t understand. The journey is a PAIN and a burden. Just get me to the destination faster so I can stop fucking trying.
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aspergers
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And at this point it seems to me that a significant portion of this disorder is anxiety. Instead of feeling absolute fear during a flashback, I often feel extremely angry or sad. The fear I feel less often. Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all even. And I’m not always hyper vigilant, but only when I’m in certain situations. I don’t have nightmares. I only have to avoid triggering situations sometimes, it just depends on how it strikes me. I don’t always avoid thinking about my trauma, sometimes I basically bath in it.
And other times things trigger me very easily and I’m very hyper vigilant, I have a ton of intense flashbacks which feel like I’m reliving them. I suspect that I have bipolar disorder, and my ptsd symptoms are largely predicted by my mood states. When im elevated it’s like I never even experienced trauma. When im depressive,im much more likely to have symptoms. I know you guys aren’t professionals, and I plan to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but does this still sound like ptsd to you?
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ptsd
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U.S. Based. Wondering if I should apply for health benefits through my employer. I would have to switch psychiatrists (haven't looked into any yet, might ask my current for recommendations)
Current wants around $200 every 3 months to maintain the prescription. Online coupon searches for Adderall Rx seem fruitful, but I don't know how consistent they are.
Basically I'd be paying $400+ more than what the psych charges for uninsured patients. Med prices are the biggest question I think. Otherwise any reason I should aim to get insured? I am happy with my psychiatrist and don't want to switch.
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ADHD
|
Hello all.. Im grateful i found this community.
I was a 911 dispatcher in my town. I took a phone call when i was fairly new to the job that ended very quickly.
911 rang I answered.
"911 whats the address of your emergency"
" Hi my name is_____ i live ___________ im going to shoot myself...BANG!"
I heard what sounded like a patio door slamming shut, and new a gun went off.. That was 30 seconds into the nearly 22 minute long phone call. I spent the next 20 minutes documenting everything i heard.. Mumbling, agonal breathing and finally his last breath.
My employer gave me a brief EPC session right after that call, but i was still numb from it..did it really just happen?!?!.
Then they forgot about me and I was still broken inside..still numb. I sought out my own EPC about 6 months later, but the thoughts still festered.
Here I am 6 years later and still dont know how to process things. I have days,weeks, months where things are great.. But then these intrusive thoughts and guilt come rushing back.. Some guilty thoughts i dont even of they truly happened.
I guess I come looking for advice.. What are some good ways to manage. Sometimes i wish it was all over and stop suffering but i dont want to continue that cycle..
Thanks for looking
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ptsd
|
2 years ago I hit rock bottom. Climbed out, fell again, climbed out, fell again. Each time the climb is hard but each time the climb is easier. I'll probably fall again but I'll get out. Good luck to y'all and know that y'all will climb out too.
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OCD
|
The doctor has prescribed me Desvenlafaxine tablets and I have started taking them for the last two days. Now I feel like I am high constantly and today morning after doing the workout for almost 1 hr, I feel like my head is spinning and my vision is becoming blurred. I sat down for and then after some time, I was able to walk and reach my home. I am not sure this is because of the tablet, but I think it is the cause as I have been doing workouts before that also. My workout includes Zumba training and the usual thread mill and cycle. I feel very much tired and feel like I have been under the influence of weed. The only benefit I feel is that I am less distracted now. But even for typing this message, my elbow and fingers feels tired and have some pain.
I am 35, male, and is going through a bad divorce. The case has been going on for almost 5 years. If anyone has taken this medicine, please advise. I am going to see the doctor again tomorrow.
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depression
|
So anyway - some self confession.
I'm a high functioning (verbal savant) Asperger's person, with high levels of social anxiety and a horrific suite of poor social skills and expectations. I'm also rather old - but this "uncanny valley" (he's not human.... kill him!)" effect has plagued me for about 55 of my 62 years.
I think around the age of 20 or so, I began doing something not-so-nice to the "normals" ... probably a defense mechanism, but definitely on purpose.
By age 20 I had thrown myself into the study of "how to pretend to be a f\*cking human being" out of a sense of self preservation. I've got degrees in communication, psychology, mass influence and marketing (BA/MS). Good schools too. Reasonably successful - at least for long enough for me to embed myself in human society. Hooray.
Lab rats.
So - for a long long time now, I've studied, emulated and (here comes the confession) experimented on these screaming monkeys in a jar.... (the jar is my panopticon of life).
Lab rats.
So here I am, an old man, now living in a tiny country town, (smaller than my high school) and once again, after about two years of autism/isolation - I stuck my head out, and began the experimentation, again.
Surprisingly, maybe because there are seven churches (maybe more) in a community of around 1,000 souls, it took a surprisingly long time for them to come boiling up my lane carrying torches and pitchforks.
I'm sure it is a defense mechanism, but do any others here kind of feel on the inside that since norms don't ever truly accept us, they are like bugs under a magnifying glass?
And honestly, I kind of wait till the sun is shining... on the bugs.... Poof! (the screams are horrific).
JEH
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aspergers
|
My bestfriend shared some of her deepest secrets with me regarding her mental health. I too was struggling with my own issues which I told to her. Then later I really wanted help. I wanted to go to the psychiatrist. So while asking my parents, I told them my bestfriends problems and how she too deals with stuff. But I am now feeling very guilty for telling them. I broke her trust. She does not know about this but I feel super guilty. It's not like my parents are in the same social circle as her, but still. What should I do?
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OCD
|
I was run over by a car in June, and still struggle with crossing the road. Obviously it's unavoidable in real life - especially because i don't own a car or bike.
I hate walking around with people who don't know about the PTSD, because they just casually meander across streets - not in the crosswalk or anything. Gets my anxiety way way up, heart racing, sweaty - the whole nine. I feel so scared for myself *and* the people i'm walking with.
The one time i mentioned to a group of people i was walking with that we should use the crosswalk, and not cross while the road is busy they looked at me like i was insane. One person even said "No one is gonna get hit by a car, Sad-but-hydrated, chill"
FUCK YOU GUYS, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
/end rant
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ptsd
|
(17, M)
Recently ever since my TOCD has stopped, I soon after have started to have some form of POCD and a type of OCD causing me to feel compulsions to masturbate constantly. So whenever I am alone, my OCD makes me go out to masturbate, and keeps trying to get me to look at fictionalized CP, even when I don’t want to because it’s disgusting. And this happened for a while. But the problem is that yesterday, I forgot to go to private mode, so now my google account has history of me looking up porn sites, and it makes me fear that my account will be banned. I haven’t been able to do anything today without feeling terrified at it happening, while also feeling extreme regret for something I never wanted to see being in my history.
It just makes me wish this never happened and I had my life back. Because it really feels that this illness had taken it away from me.
Edit: Did I say something wrong? I keep getting downvoted and it just makes me feel like I am overreacting? But how can I not when I saw how it stored my activity in my account? I just want you guys to understand why I am so worried in the first place.
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OCD
|
I took an ADHD test, for focus mostly, I did quite bad at the start without medication, but then after a month still not taking medication on the day but the day before I got much better. Although the problem is that I don’t feel much better I still feel worse, I still can’t study and am failing in all my classes, I still have bad memory and terrible executive dysfunction, my focus and attention is still really bad and I still can’t focus in class at all, I am so confused on how I improved, I definitely have not improved in terms of feelings because I don’t feel anything.
What is going on?
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ADHD
|
I recently got prescribed 25mg of fluvoxamine to be taken 2x a day. My psychiatrist said try taking one in the morning and one at night.
I feel like my ocd is causing me to bug out on which exact times I should take it. When he says night — does he mean dinner time or before bed? I’m also seeing that it causes people to be sleepy - should I not take my first dose in the morning?
He also said to move things around if I’m feeling side affects (like 2 in the morning or 2 at night depending on the affect), but I also have health anxiety and don’t feel like I am a reliable reporter on any side affects I might feel
I’m just curious, anyone who takes this pill 2x a day - what times are you guys taking them??
Thanks!
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OCD
|
I love my baby girl. I raised her since she was one. She’s my angel. My princes.
She’s the light of my life, my everything. She’s not mine by blood. My partner and I aren’t married. I’m holding her as tight as possible tonight; I might not see her again.
We can’t stay together because she’s already seeing another person.
Her mom is a great mother, but there’s no way she’d let a piece of shit alcoholic like me take care of her. No one seems to get it. No one thinks it’s a big deal.
I don’t know what I might do if I don’t see her again. Really thinking about ending it all. I can’t live without my baby. She’s all I have.
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depression
|
tldr: bizzare incoherent rant venting about sensory issues and looking for some support since I do not have friends.
99% of the time I think I get by pretty decently. I've worked really hard to develop, what I consider, to be good social skills. Even though I do beat myself up all the time, I really do think I'm a very smart person. But then that 1% of the time I just feel like a f\*ing child.
Today I was collecting signatures for a ballot measure and it went great until it was time to clean up and the tent next door blasted some really really loud music and had the bass cranked up. And I can't understand how normal people's brains filter that. Like is there just some "music track" in a normal person's head that hears that and they are still able to process what their eyes are seeing on their "eye track" or what other people are saying? Because I get so overstimulated and legitimately can't understand the method most people use for having loud bass in the background, in a crowd, while cleaning. It almost was physically painful. It's already hard enough for me to process the chaos and figure out what to do to help clean up. I legitimately can't even get in the headspace of how a neurotypical could possibly enjoy adding some massively loud music especially with a TON of bass on top of that. Why not just drop a brick on your foot or smash your hand with a hammer????? It would probably hurt less.
Anyways I started squirming and self-stimming in weird ways and got asked if I was alright a couple of times. And every single time this happens I get so embarrassed. I am 26 years old and there is no way whatsoever that I should be having a meltdown in a public place. And since I'm so fine the rest of the time, I never know if this is actually an ADHD issue I can't help or if I just am really emotionally immature.
I had a bad weekend and really didn't sleep much at all and I think that's had a big impact. It's almost like my ADHD feels worse today than normal.
Idk can people maybe just empathize or help gas me up a bit? lol. I've been having trouble making friends and am kind of lonely and I guess it sucks to not have anyone to talk to / encourage me. It's been hard for me to go to therapy since my insurance will only let me go once every 6 months and that's not enough for me to even remember anything or get shit out of it ngl.
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ADHD
|
OK, feels like the answer/advice is a no brainer on this one - but here we go!
I work for myself as a workplace injury consultant and I set my own schedule. Inattentive/Impulsive ADHD - recently medicated (which is doing wonders in all other areas).
I have a mac, but to help with a number of things work wise (software compatibility, work 15% more productive) - I bought a PC three months ago.
At some point, I thought I would download a game I have always wanted to play again (DayZ) as a treat. I told myself "you can play it when work is done".
I am not joking, every day I find myself playing it more and more. I find myself playing it when I should be working - today, I spent eight hours playing it. Everyday, I sit at that computer and tell myself "that *work thing* can wait till tomorrow" and it is like I have given myself permission to play that goddamn beautiful post apocalyptic game all day.
I had a conversation with a customer over the phone list week. They were complaining about a 35 year old employee playing video games whilst they were off work - and I, a 30 year old, was sitting AFK in DayZ whilst talking to them.
I try to set rules, and I break them. I deleted the game, twice, then I reinstalled it 48 hours later.
The game doesnt work on a mac.. I think it is time to rid myself of the PC and never buy one again because the temptation is too great.
I tried to be 15% more productive by buying a PC, and now I am 100% less productive.
Any advice is appreciated, but I think I know the answer..!
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ADHD
|
Hello again, sorry for the long post but I 23M have recently been struggling with sexual orientation. I constantly have the fear that I am gay, but I don’t get turned on by gay porn or anything. And after a bit I get a tingle feeling in my groin but nothing happens even if I touch myself. As of late I’ve been constantly watching it. I don’t believe that I am gay but if I was I wouldn’t mind at all. I have a huge support system so that’s not a concern. But every day I get these thoughts of being gay and now I am anxious around all guys. I ask myself if I am attracted to every single person I see. And I get super anxious about it. I recently broke up with my gf under the assumption that I am gay but we did have sex a few times. This anxiety started when we started dating and I chased her for four years. I felt like I was lying to myself and I didn’t really want her because I was often losing erections right before sex. Now I am looking up HOCD and think it’s this and that gives me relief. But I am fearing that it’s just denial. This post is all over the place so I apologize. I was never diagnosed with OCD in any way. But I have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety. I’m going to consult my therapist about this but I wanted to get some outside input as well. Any comments are appreciated.
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OCD
|
(28 f) I’m currently in a residential mental health treatment facility. I struggle with depression and anxiety. I can’t manage to keep a job and I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been here for over a month now and I’ll be here for a couple more. We have about 9 groups a day. Wake up at 7am, medication at 8pm. The schedule is good for me. Although sometimes I can’t attend all the groups because it gets to be too much for me sometimes. I try though. I have been diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid and recently before entering this program, a psychotherapist mentioned me being on the autism spectrum. I’m currently in the process of getting a psychologist to get tested for ASD and get some more advice. Every test I’ve taken online leads me to believe I am on the spectrum. I’ve had a few meltdowns while being in this program from being so overwhelmed or overstimulated. I felt like a child almost just so upset and scared. Agitated too sometimes. Being in my room trying to calm myself down can be overwhelming in itself.
Currently I’m in my room because I am unable to attend group because I feel too exhausted to socialize with anyone. Maybe I’m burnout?
On the weekends we have outings. One on Saturday and one of Sunday. (The park, the movies, bookstore, bowling, etc) I went to both outings this weekend and I almost had a panic attack in the van on the way back from the movies on Sunday. I just felt trapped and everyone was being too loud. I eventually moved to the passenger seat and kept my headphones in the whole time. My headphones are a lifesaver. I just feel confused and lost as to what to do. Sometimes I even question if i’m on the spectrum because I don’t want to take from a community, but every video I watch or test I take lead me to believe otherwise. I just want answers so I can get the resources I need. Thanks for listening.
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aspergers
|
Dissociation for me is like a dream, a passing thought that feels like it doesn't belong to you, holding yourself as if your holding a stranger, talking to yourself like a new friend. Sometimes it's comforting, it heals the loneliness and other times it's terrifying, like living in a shell of a stranger who doesn't like you, who wants to hurt you, to kill you, who calls you names.
It's torturous and exciting.
Does anyone feel like this? even after using coping mechanisms, does anyone really believe it will ever stop, cause I don't.
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ptsd
|
I am poor at verbally explaining myself. It takes me a long time to process my words and I’m better expressed on paper than in person. I often need a longer times to explain ideas, concepts and whatnot.
[UNNECESSARY RANT STORY SKIP TO END]
Today I was having an argument with a friend over religious teachings being promoted on school grounds (a Christian group affiliated with a school organization but not a student organization was on campus) They said that they don’t think it’s a problem and they should be allowed to be in campus. I told them that while I agree they are able and have the right to be there, but it may make other student uncomfortable as not everyone is a Christian and they have an interactive activity about God, and they are asking students if it’s important to believe in God. They said it’s because I do not like Christianity. I agreed with them and said while I do not like what they are doing, my perspective comes from inclusivity and making other student uncomfortable as not everyone is a Christian and they are going up to everyone asking about God. They kept on telling me they have the right to do so. I told them they are not understanding me. They said “Yes, I do. You’re saying you don’t like them” essentially ignoring the entire point of what I was saying. They got extremely mad when I say they are not understanding of what I’m saying.
[END]
I have a lot issues with this friend and others understanding anything I say, typically they don’t reflect on what I say but respond with their feelings. I notice a lot of people do this as well.
When I’m talking to someone I do have emotional reactions, but I do not let these drive how I talk to people. While I have, I’m not someone to lash out or put my emotions before a response. I do let my personal experiences heavily influence my interactions and conversations unless they are topics that heavily concern aspects of my identity (racism, homophobia, etc). If I get mad, I don’t verbally attack people. I just explain why I was upset by what they said, or I keep it to myself if it’s not worth the conversation.
I often say things that are offensive without knowing and instead of explaining to me that what I said was offensive, they give direct insults which are extremely hurtful. I do have amazing close friends who are understanding of this and are direct with me.
Something just feels like a lot of neurotypical have just underdeveloped critical thinking skills as well.
|
aspergers
|
It’s embarrassing the amount of money I’ve spent on hyper-fixations, obsessions, and impulses, just to end up bored and on to the next thing. Meanwhile I’m having trouble paying for college for the next semester.. I feel like a total f-up. I’m falling into another depression because of this…
I am drowning in guilt right now. I wish I could go back in time and fix all of this. College is very important to me. I’ve chosen to only be a full-time student and not work at all, and just pay by my savings. This isn’t sustainable, though. I wish I could maintain a high gpa and work at the same time, but I’ve tried that in the past, and my grades suffered tremendously. I managed to apply for a scholarship and loan yesterday, I guess that’s a start. Idk I’m just really beating myself up over this.
I’m not on medication at the moment, but really thinking about it. I’ve been trying to stick it out without medication for a while. Has medication helped any of you guys in situations like the one I’m in?
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ADHD
|
It was so bad I couldn't sleep last night and didn't go into work today. I'm going into work tomorrow b/c I have to. If I lost my job so much would some crashing down, its soul/bone-chilling to think of the disaster. I'm going to bed, I managed to get my laundry in the wash and now in the dryer. I guess its a win, doesn't really feel like winning though. I'm to the point I with I could either wake up or fall asleep to get away from this limbo like existence. Or option C, just wipe anything/everything to do with me from existence.
|
depression
|
Hi, I’m new here. So all my life I’ve felt a little odd, like a little out of place but I haven’t been unhappy all my life or anything like that I just knew I was a little weird. I was an only child so I put it down to that. If my mom would tell me to stop doing something, I’d have to do it one last time, even though I knew that meant I’d be in much more trouble, I just had to. I’ve always had weird little quirks like I can’t step on the cracks or something bad would happen but then if I don’t look at the floor and notice it has cracks then it’s fine, and I have to do things in numbers so either 4’s or 8’s whatever feels right. Everything I do revolves around these numbers. If I’m scrolling through a website or something my brain will tell me “scroll back up and read that or like that etc or something bad will happen and the compulsion is strong, so if I can’t find the post my brain is referring to, I feel totally out of place and anxious. I can control some of these feelings but to suppress them leaves me feeling like crap and like I’m going to burst and then I take it out on everyone. I’m not a clean freak like I don’t need to wash my hands a million times a day but I do get overwhelmed with mess and it really makes me angry to the point of aggression. I rang the doctor and he said he thinks it’s OCD and I’m waiting for a therapist appointment, but since finding out there’s something wrong, I’ve felt even worse. I can’t stop shouting at my family and being aggressive to them (not physically) I just keep being nasty and starting arguments for little things, can someone please talk to me and tell me this isn’t going to last and that I’m not a psycho please? I’m sitting in my car contemplating not going home because I’m just so done with it all (not life, just this feeling)
Thanks for reading x
|
OCD
|
So, I’m pretty sure a lot of people with OCD struggle with this.
Constantly, I feel like my thoughts can hurt people. Like, if I think “what if this person I care about dies? Or gets sick? Or is secretly a horrible person?” I think that, just by having the thought, it’ll come true. That I somehow have this power to make it real, and that if I don’t “correct” it with a different thought or backtracking, that it’ll happen and it’s all my fault.
If I’m working on something like a drawing, and have a thought of “what if my brother got cancer?” I think I have to go back, erase what I drew, and draw it over again because I associate the drawing with the thought. I think that if I continue drawing without “correcting” my thoughts, that this thing will actually happen. It’s torture.
It makes me lose passion for things because I’m scared of ruining it. Scared I somehow will cause someone to die, or something else will happen, like they become a horrible person because I had a thought of it.
I always had fears of my mom getting cancer, and thought this stuff abt it but also got past it, and now my mom has precancerous cells (nothing serious) just abnormal cells. I thought “did I cause this?” And it’s been driving me crazy.
Please, can anyone provide advice? Can someone tell me the truth about it, that I’m just being silly? What should I do to combat this?
|
OCD
|
It's my first post here and I was officially diagnosed with ocd and I can't guys ,I can't go on. I think I have hiv all the time .I went for a test recently and I threw away the cotton ball in a bio hazardous bag and I saw a HIV positive test in the box and I touched that box now I know I have hiv.i somehow contracted it .I have had a test every week this year but yet this fear doesn't leave me .is anyone out there that can help me.
|
OCD
|
So while my hocd was at its peak( sexual orientation ocd) I said to myself if I ever became the opposite orientation I would become the other gender( I said this because I know I wouldn’t become the other gender) but now my head is making me think I want to become the other gender and be gay, but honestly I don’t- this is the first time thinking this in a year and I don’t know how to deal with it
I think I had this thought because then it wouldn’t be that bad being gay but honestly I don’t want to be gay nor do I want to be a girl- I love being me I love going gym and seeing that I’m building muscles I also like the way I look and feel comfortable in my body but ofc ocd is using one thought against me
Also today I was watching porn and imaging a girl that I like ( but she has a bf) and my head was like imaging her bf licking her out that’s what made me think why am I imaging that/ do I want a fanny (vagina)
|
OCD
|
Personally, comedy is the best strategy. In public if I'm not always making jokes then I'm seeking to see the joke in everything. Otherwise, I'm listening to comedy based media or something so outrageous it causes laughing.
Major depressive disorder for me is like playing Mario in real life with the ghosts always following. Each one saying something I'm ashamed of or obsess over. Comedy to me is what allows me to turn around and walk backwards through the endless levels of life.
Unfortunately, some people may actually get offended when I'm laughing to myself, by myself, because they assume it's about them if they are insecure. I don't make fun of anyone (only myself) out loud and if I make any jokes out loud it's about situations not who causes them. So, I'm sorry for offending anyone and apologizing for others that do this for this reason that may have offended others unintentionally. We're just sad.
The longer we go without doing something to keep the ghosts away the more they crowd the level. Then one day we wake up and they are all over the bedroom. We can't get out of bed. We can't shower. We can't even get to the things we genuinely enjoy. Meanwhile, Bowser is like: "Stupid was never this late before I wonder what's the hold up?" Lol
What's your strategy?
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depression
|
I swear to god everyone around me treats me like I'm a brain-dead infant, everyone talks in a slower paced pace to me and they always feel the need to slowly point out shit like I didn't understand it the first fucking time they said it, I'm so sick of it I'm literally at my breaking point I literally value nothing anymore, nothing or nobody I have brings me the slightest bit of joy it's all such a fucking mess. Today I just learned that my parents instruct my FOURTEEN YEAR OLD sister on things to say/do around me. The constant childish treatment I recieve I why I'm so distraught and distrustful of everyone, like I'm on the verge of verbally lashing out on everyone to the point of no repair. I don't know what to do anymore my reality itself is crumbling before my very eyes and there's no fixing it, this is life, I'm stuck in my own body. Fuck everyone
|
aspergers
|
Does anyone watch something on YouTube purposely staying away from phub but still after you’ve watched YouTube you get false memories that you have watched something bad/illegal.
|
OCD
|
Anyone else have trouble completing a video game? I love gaming, but will find myself switching from game to game because I can't stay interested. Or I overthink things like how I could be doing something different with my time or I think about how long it could take to finally beat he game then I immediately disconnect and switch to another game or turn my Xbox off all together. Most of the time, though, I'll find myself right back on it in the next 15min or so and engage in the same process.
On the other hand, when I *do* find a game that really grabs my attention and I really enjoy, I can't put it down and feel so happy and proud that I was able to devote my time to something for such a long period and feel so accomplished when I complete it. Games that I do finish and really do enjoy have a special place in my heart.
|
ADHD
|
It’s hard to feel heightened emotions sometimes, good or bad. I feel like I’m viewing my own actions remotely and physically and emotionally disconnected when I’m in heightened states. I don’t feel fear or pain during fights, but I also don’t feel excitement or orgasm during sex.
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ptsd
|
I (19F) had an awful first semester of college.
Seriously, any large freshman/college in general problem you can think of I probably had. I was really chewed up and spit out. I had no choice but to focus on surviving (since I wasn't really doing that all to well) and figuring things out that needed to be figured out NOW. This prevented me from getting much of anything done and now I have a mountain of things to do in terms of homework and appointments.
I obviously don't want this to happen again, and I think being finally diagnosed with and treated for ADHD, getting accommodations, a major change, having experience forming a routine that works for me, and getting new roommates will greatly help next semester. For now, I just need to start my work and finish it. It sucks that I couldn't pull it together soon enough this time (though there was a lot out of my control), but I want to have enough tools and techniques in my arsenal to succeed the next time around. I want to do better.
I was wondering if you guys had any methods/apps/tools that work for you to help you prioritize, stay on task, and begin to get things done when there is SO MUCH to do and you feel frozen with overwhelm? Also any tips for when you're overstimulated to calm yourself to the point where you can start back on what you have to do?
In general, what's your best advice for college students recently diagnosed with ADHD?
|
ADHD
|
My friend is threatening to commit suicide. She texted me so I called the cops so they can check up on her. They let her go because edge lied saying she wasn’t suicidal. After they left she continued to make suicide threats through text. Her family doesn’t really care they never take her threats seriously. What else can I do!?
|
depression
|
Three days now constant loop that has ke convinced I like my cousin at the same time know shea family, I'm getting to the point I wanna self harm
|
OCD
|
The name of the game is called an Aspie life. just found out today I have not played it but it is free for download on steam. And it's supposed to be a game that emulates what it's like for an aspie in the real world. Has anyone played it? I probably will not download it if I can only download it through steam because I do not want to download steam just to download one game. But I would be curious to know what others had thought about it who have played it. It's a very retro looking style game
|
aspergers
|
Sup,
I hate fucking tryna give what my body needs when I see little ROI. I'm hyper into self improvement and health optimization but every FUCKING time I notice that when I neglect my social health, it takes a toll on every other aspect of my wellbeing. DAE know how to get rid of this innate "need to interact/need for friends"? I got friends, we treat eachother well and love one another but because of how raw and logical I view life, I'd rather spend that time doing something on my own than trying to make memories with them. I know this sounds like I need new friends, but thats the last thing I gotta hear, I'm significantly well aware of what to look for and what to avoid in social relationships. I just get tired of being w/ people after approx. 1 hr into the reunion of us, from thereon I just want to go back to preparing a new recipe, strength/endurance/flexibility training, mindfulness practicing, just to name a few. Am prob ranting but idk by now shit, lmao
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aspergers
|
First time poster, short time lurker.
I just want to see if what I'm experiencing resonates with anyone.
Over the past 2/3 years out of college i have been bouncing around different jobs. Every one of which seems to suck even more than the last.
The first week or two are fine. I'm keeping myself busy. But after that it just starts to go downhill. I get frustrated by the repetitive nature of the job. I try to keep my mind busy by talking/explaining things to myself (in my head) about things i like or am interested in. But that only gets me so far. There is not enough conversation material in the world to fill 40 hours every week.
So when I run out of conversation material my mind starts to wonder. "I have a garbage job. I have no friends or a life outside of this job. Will i be doing this exact same job in a year? 5 years? 10 years? Until I retire. God no. I don't want to. This is awful. Get me out. I don't want to. Stop thinking this stuff. Go back to something fun. 40 more years of this."
It always loops back around to suicidal thoughts. "Just give your steering wheel a swirl into oncoming traffic and it's over. Step in front of that forklift. If I'm lucky I'll break my legs."
These thoughts scare the shit out of me. I have never actually considered or attempted ending my life, but the fact that these thoughts are in the back; of my head ready to pop out at any given time absolutely terrifies me.
|
aspergers
|
I don’t understand the concept of texting/calling people if I have nothing to say. So basically I never ask any news from my friends or family (my wife forces me to call my parents though). I lost most of my friends because of that.
I hate the phone also. One of my siblings just video called me but I didn’t answer. Seeing this kind of notification pop-up always makes me panick and I don’t even know why. I just want to stay in my bubble. But then I have a constant feeling of guilt towards anyone who is close to me. Anyone can relate to that?
|
aspergers
|
Hey everyone! I'm an MSc Psychology student, looking for participants to take part in my research survey: investigating the effects of sleep and waking disturbances and their effect on mental health. We have almost 200 participants take part so far and need a few more before the survey closes in a few days.
If you’re interested, anyone over 16 years of age and fluent in English can take part. You can take as much time as you need but it will take no longer than 20-25 minutes to complete. Some of the questions included will be centred around your emotional state, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. If there’s the possibility this could be emotionally uncomfortable, there is no obligation to take part and you have the option to stop the questionnaire at any point. Any and all answers you may provide with the questionnaire will remain entirely confidential.
If you are interested in this research and want to take part, please click the following link. This will take you to the survey and study information page.
Link: [https://chester.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/stressinfluencementalhealth](https://chester.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/stressinfluencementalhealth)
Thank you for your consideration,
Sam Chaloner
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OCD
|
Hey everyone. I just got out of a 6 day stay in a psychiatric hospital. Ever since I’ve gotten home I’ve been a nervous wreck, my anxiety is really bad and spiking. Is this normal? Will it go away? TIA.
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ptsd
|
I’m stuck. I’ve been stuck most of my life. I can’t move.
It’s horrible.
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OCD
|
I've been scrolling this subreddit for awhile and I relate with a lot of the experiences here, so I tried to talk to my parents about going to a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis. Shockingly, my parents told me that I didn't need to go see a psychiatrist and that ADHD is just a white thing and can't affect black people. Every time I bring the topic up they completely shut down the idea of me getting diagnosed. Is there anything I can do?
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ADHD
|
What I mean by this is that I have certain songs or activities which immediately remind me of the intrusive thoughts, because I've unknowingly attached my feelings to them, at least that's what I think. Does anyone else do this and what can be done about it?
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OCD
|
So I'm finding I'm transferring my checking OCD to work, a usually quiet place, oddly enough with the same checking of bathroom taps before I leave there. Has anyone else experienced similar?
|
OCD
|
***TL;DR: Opened up to a friend (who means alot to me and shares a lot of common interests and even habits and traits to me personally and is also like everyone else in regards to storytelling, basically the friend I have always and still want to be really close with, but I do not feel right with my current mental health (especially ADHD) issues) about my ADHD and loneliness, talked to her again today and*** [***feel like this***](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pcx2s4/i_will_never_find_my_people/) ***and thought she forgot about some of it w/out clarifying and would like tips to: 1) find a clear way to respectfully communicate and remind her again of my struggles 2) how to stop overthinking and feeling negative in conversations regarding topics that I am familiar with and mainly interested in, but don't feel right about them 3) Tell her how I felt today in a way that is short, and clear, but appropriate, and if there is no way to, then I will forget about #3 but still focus on the first 2.***
Some of my biggest ADHD-related/linked struggles as well as Mental Health conditions have been Anhedonia, Alexythimia, Hyperfixations on pointless things, Poor Time Management, Lack of Focus, Overwhelmed, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, Emotional Disregulation, Struggling to focus and maintain hobbies, passions, and Interests consistently, Struggling to do anything fun or productive consistently, Bullying, People's and this World's Bullshit, Overthinking, Identity Crisis, Intrusive Thoughts, Loneliness, Depression, Social Anxiety, and many more
yes I am seeking help currently but its complicated and these all have affected my life in a unique way and my current views in Art, Entertainment, Storytelling, People, Philosophies, and The World itself on a personal level and in a rabbit hole I am trying to get out of, so this is how it has played out:
So there is this one friend I do care for alot and view them as this type of friend that has been meant for me my whole life: They are chill, smart, well aware, very kind and sweet, have a good amount of variety in interests, and similar tastes and preferences to (like Marvel, Analyzing Literature, Cinema, Television (similar types of tv shows and alot of common ones), Video Games (same consoles), Quality Storytelling, and a little bit of sports). For the last year, I struggled to get close to this friend as they would not hit me up often and were always with other friends, and at times when were talked and they were engaged, in normal things we would talk about like pop culture, I would start to develop an inferiority complex and self-comparison towards them everytime we would talk and overthink it all the time afterwards along with the frustration and confusion about how much they gave a damn about me or not. At times, they would come and say hi first hand or sit with me at times at the dining hall. This was throughout both semesters and we both had one class in each semester (a film and a video game class) and I even questioned all the damn time if they are the ideal friend or not based on interests. I literally [feel like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pcx2s4/i_will_never_find_my_people/). Anyways we had a good snapchat streak going but it ended and this was after we left campus, so I deleted Snapchat and cutoff contact with most of my "friend" groups and hardly contacted anybody
Then Summer passes by, and this current year rolls around, I noticed this friend the second day before I moved back and because I deleted snapchat and did not trust how much this friend gave a damn about me, so I ignored them completely before the term and throughout most of the first half. Only when I re-downloaded snapchat, I realized that friend reached out to me twice and I felt really bad and guilty about it, so I sent them an entire apology through Snap on my phone explaining briefly what has been going on with me and they said they were sorry I was feeling all of this and they accepted my apology.
Two weeks later, we got dinner at one of the dining halls and the conversation went smooth. There were awkward moments of silence but I was able to open up to them about some of my primary issues: How I felt ignored by them when they did not hit me up, how I have been struggling with loneliness, How I feel behind and do not like anything, I even got to open up to her about my ADHD diagnosis (one of the few I have told) and I was satisfied with their response, they felt sorry, understanding, and supportive. She honestly did not know what to say but I assured her that I just wanted to be vulnerable and tell her how I felt. And how she is one fo the coolest people I ever met I even apologized to her as I did feel like I was burdening her, and she just assured me that it was my life and not hers so she was not worried. She even said we can hang out more this semester.
I even got her number and for the last two weeks, we have been playing Game Pigeon, and we talked one time when passing by each other, and I was planned to have lunch with her on Thursday the following week (week after the first dinner), but I was having another social issue which lead me to start crying for rest of Wednesday night before and did not feel right to see her. So I rescheduled lunch for today around the afternoon.
It went well, but it didn't, I intentionally wore a Marvel shirt to gauge her interest, and we started talking about all this Marvel stuff (she really likes Marvel and is similar to me, but also loves and appreciates Quality Storytelling (example, does not like the cliche What If episodes, but really likes to talk about the movies, the good episodes, and the video games and had the same habit as me of looking up stuff on the internet and forgetting about it), there were times I overthought opinions, other times I did not
To keep it short, it felt like tonally, all the discussions we had last year, where we would talk about stuff we connect on and have "in common" and similar traits and habits (impatience, not good at video games, end up watching movies in bits) and different ones (how she talks about her friend who is bad at watching movies and has a short attention span) and I was trying to communicate more specific examples of how I did not feel right and she either just said "Ohh" or "That sucks" or did not think (or know or want) to say anything but during the discussion, it did not feel like she understood or I did not see it. And we were talking about stuff we had in common specifically and agreed on, I did not know how to contribute to the conversation in words even though I think about this stuff alot
Even when she left, she said that she enjoys having a friend like me she can "geek-out" with, so she did acknowledge me (something I have always wanted) but I did not take it in as I was struggling to relax and was overthinking and back in the same loop as I was last year. And not even a meditation app could help me with my social anxiety. And I still feel uncertain if she will remember to hit me up or reach out on her own.
My biggest takeaway is, I feel like she may have forgotten about my ADHD diagnosis and all the stuff I have been struggling with and how it has affected me in many ways
I want to find a balance of tone in these conversations, like positive conversations about common interests and topics and feeling right in the moment and NOT overthinking, depressed, thinking about all Im struggling with (which is a hindrance to interests), and the past (how I felt about this movie or this show and how I overthought this before), and be vulnerable, open, and honest about my struggles and perception and her to reciprocate in a way that is clear, organic, and natural and able to be reciprocated in a way that she is able to handle and understand.
So the three goals I need help with achieving are: 1) Next time we hangout or talk, find a clear but polite way to remind her about my ADHD and Loneliness struggles and how it has affected my interests and perception and how I would appreciate her to remember that about me and I want to communicate in a way that is organic but not overbearing or takes up the whole time. 2) Try to have more causal and positive conversations like this and find a way to confront or ignore my inner Demons like depression, overthinking, struggling to articulate in words and that negative cloud that surrounds my atmosphere and feel in the moment and that I can connect to her. 3) Maybe Open up how I felt in this conversation if appropriate in a way I don't want her to think that I am constantly miserable everytime we talk , if not, please understand where I am coming from
​
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ADHD
|
I've been doing pretty good for the past month or so, but recently I've been feeling myself start to spiral and I just can't help but hate myself because even though life is going pretty good at the moment all I can think about is how it's not going to last and I don't actually deserve to feel happy. I'm so tired of having to fight my thoughts even though I know I should be feeling happy.
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depression
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2017 following a pretty bad car accident I was in in my freshman year of high school. For the first year after the accident, I was having chronic migraines and constant flashbacks, as well as having moments where I would randomly feel like I fell or got hit in the side, even when I was standing up straight or lying on my side. I had nightmares too, always about an accident but never the same one, and occasionally involving family members. When I got in a car I would get extremely anxious, and even had panic attacks sometimes when I felt cars were too close to us or coming too fast. The same thing happened for the first little while after I got my driving permit. After about two years I started getting it a bit under control, until I was in another accident with a really good friend of mine, this time as the driver, which added a whole other list of problems, since I started feeling guilty about the possibility of hurting her, as well as incorporating that accident into my flashbacks and dreams. After about a year from that my issues started becoming less severe and I thought I finally had a hold on it. Recently though I’ve been having issues again. Within the last 6 months I’ve had 5 pretty bad panic and anxiety attacks from close calls, two really vivid nightmares where I woke up drenched in sweat, and a few weeks ago I blew a tire on the highway and felt like I was about to have a heart attack. My flashbacks haven’t been as bad as they were in the beginning, but they’re definitely still there.
Does anyone have any advice on how to do anything about getting this sort of stuff under control?
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ptsd
|
If you think you have or recently been diagnosed with PTSD.... please realize you’re not alone. For starters, you found this group. Secondly, while everyone’s life experiences are different, our emotional/physical/psychological reactions will be different, but can be the same. So don’t think you are alone in this fight for your well being.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and secondary PTSD about 2 years ago. My PTSD event occurred in 2016 while my secondary PTSD SYMTPOMS have been occurring over the last 10 years or so(job related).
You have to understand everyone handles things differently, but that does not mean you have to handle it alone. After my 2016 incident, I thought I was ok after a month or two. It wasn’t until nearly a full year did I truly see what was happening to me. My wife saw the signs much sooner.
Many people, for a variety of reasons, are uncomfortable with talking to a mental health professional. I was too at first. If you want to truly get the help you need, you have to outside of your comfort zone and ask for help. When you finally do, the first couple of sessions will be fairly short and not to invasive. The therapist wants to get to know you, your medical history and what brought your there. Depending on your type of treatment, it could be 4-5 sessions before you get to the heart of the matter. I was recommended EMDR therapy(please look this up so this post isn’t too long). It wasn’t until my 10th or 11th regular session did we do the EMDR. I have found it very helpful. However, it can be very emotionally and physically draining at times... depending on your incident. But you must be honest with everything, what happened, how you feel it has affected you, and most importantly how you’re feeling during the treatments. Please, don’t try to go it alone like I did. It only makes it worse.
God bless and good luck to you all
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ptsd
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A few days ago I posted on this and other subs about my feelings and found out that I likely have OCD. Since learning about what OCD does to people, I'm a bit more comfortable being specific about the source of my feelings. The first I can recall this happening was when a fictional character bothered me about 2 and a half years ago. Over 4 months gradually became intrusive thoughts. As a coping mechanism, I became a fan of the show and would rise and fall between loving and hating this character and show. I'd practically beg this character to undo what they did by the end of the show, sometimes fantasising about interacting with this character. Sometimes I spent most of my day researching this character, reading character wikis, buying the source material, finding interviews discussing this character. It was so important to me that the last season will somehow undo these feelings I was having. If you could guess which character I'm talking about from this description, please don't name anything. It's been two years since then and I have intrusive thoughts about 9 other fictional characters, the majority of the population, and I still think about this first character excessively, especially since the last season of the show failed to make me feel any sort of closure. These characters went through a psychological or physical change. "transformation" is now a word that triggers me in any context as someone who doesn't like change or surprises. This has ruined my needs for relationships of any kind in the future. Over these two years, it's gone from fear of one fictional character to fear of humans. There are many "developments" that emotionally hurt me varying from psychological or physical attributes. As an example of physical transformation in fiction, I'll use an increase in height as an example like Captain America. I now associate height with power and dominance. Since I got so much worse, the fact that height wasn't changeable in real life was something I didn't take for granted and an absolute blessing. Every time I found out someone was pretty short, I was very relieved because that could never be developed. Last night I accidentally came across something on Reddit, apparently, someone grew 2 inches taller for no reason. The next 8 hours of the day I spent researching and trying to somehow debunk this and just found more cases of people growing in adulthood for no reason which made me feel terrible. I am shorter than average myself but it's definately a coincidence, I'm not jealous or insecure about my height and I know that unbelievable but you'll have to take my word for it. I'd still have this horrible feeling if I was over 6' because to these feelings, I have always been irrelevant, I'm purely thinking about these people over and over again. In rare cases, people can get taller past 20 because of unsealed growth plates, late growth spurts, surgery, somehow pregnancy and this bothered me a lot. I spent so much time researching this and learning about growth plates, growth spurts, hormones, pregnancies just to try and debunk it or find evidence against these claims of people growing 2 or 3 inches taller in adult life. The only evidence against it I found was one comment calling these growing people delusional. Finding out that growth plates remain open for less than 0.01% of the population was bad news. I was disappointed because I thought that height was the last possible thing that I believed couldn't be transformed, and even though it's such a small percentage of people who have unsealed growth plates, it still bothers me that these people exist. I know 1 to 3 inches isn't a lot. I know a lot of things but that means absolutely nothing to these feelings. I felt disappointed and heartbroken because now I can never say with certainty that anyone that comes into my life will stay the same height. The idea of witnessing a 3-inch "transformation" is terrifying to me. On the plus side, people lose a few inches as they age. That's the type of mental gymnastics my brain does in an attempt to feel some relief but it doesn't work. Before that, I surprisingly confident with just one redeemable human quality in humans that made me feel better, believing that height couldn't change past 18 and after that day of research, I was so devastated. Getting taller is just one example of a type of development that makes me uncomfortable. You could probably guess what other physical changes trigger me but I won't talk about those. I woke up this morning instantly thinking about this again, I just wanted to stay unconscious forever. I haven't washed or got ready at all today, I've just laid on the floor. I know this will pass but I don't want to ever look at a human again. Part of the reason I'm posting this is for someone to confirm to me that this isn't true or just tell me that these 5-year-old articles were exaggerating.
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OCD
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The last month or so I’ve been obsessing over things that have to do with my phone. For example, I’ve covered my camera with tape because I believe that for some reason I’m being watched and recorded. There are so signs of it, but I still obsess over it. I also deleted my social media accounts for the fear that they are/were hacked and sent horrible things to people. Again, there are no signs that any of this happened. I’ve talked with people that I know and I would think they would bring it up if there was an issue. I feel guilt for something that never even happened, if that makes sense. I am on medication for this, but it hasn’t helped. I just wanted to see if anyone else has or is going through a similar situation. Please let me know. Have a great day!
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OCD
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I don't know if this girl loves me or not. She has been my friend for who knows how long, and being an individual with aspergers, its nearly inconceivable to tell if she's into me. She proposed a friend's with benifets idea to me, to which I accepted and enjoyed for one time.(time to steer away from oversharing) We both like console games and she calls me a nerd jokingly when I talk to her about lore.(like skyrim, or God of war) I have asked her about a date which she said yes to, and to me it was shitty. It wasn't even a date tbh. What can I do to better understand relationships with what is essentially antisocial disease?
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aspergers
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I’ve been applying for a few jobs lately, because my partner and I are moving soon. most of the applications have a section where they ask if you, the applicant, has a disability. And PTSD is always listed as one of the “qualifying” disabilities.
My first question is why? I’ve had PTSD since 2016, and C-PTSD since 2019, so I am aware of how debilitating this mental illness can be. But I’m just wondering what qualifies PTSD as a disability and not other mental illnesses?
Second question, my fellow humans with PTSD: when applying for jobs, do you select “yes” or “no” when asking if you have a disability on job applications? I always select “no,” because I’ve personally never felt that I needed any special accommodations in my workplace for PTSD.
I’m just genuinely curious. Thank you in advance!
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ptsd
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I’ve been dealing OCD of all kinds since I was 16. My little sibling is sick with a mild cold. Before the pandemic, I never used to worry about getting sick. In the past I’d probably have the thought of “hmm maybe I might get that cold” because you could go to work or school with a cold and no one would blink an eye about it. However since the pandemic there’s more at stake if you have a cold, you need to stay home and be more responsible, which I get and totally agree that that’s how it should be. This happened before this past year. A relative in my house got a cold and it spread, luckily it didn’t spread to me, I was the only one. While I felt bad for my family for getting sick, I couldn’t help but ruminate and dread that it was coming to me, and that I was high risk for getting that cold. Even now, I feel bad for my little sibling, but I’m sitting here thinking what am I gonna do, am I gonna get sick? Anyways just wanted to know if anybody else ruminates about this kinda stuff, especially if you share spaces with people.
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OCD
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It's been hanging over my life since I was a kid, through school and employment and unemployment and moving to a different country and living in my parents house to being homeless, through the periods where I was going to therapy and not going to therapy and on meds and not on meds. It seems that no matter what changes happen in my life, my depression never goes away.
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depression
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I’ve been making this video series with my parents (both of whom are therapists) about different mental fitness strategies, this week's video is a guided grounding exercise to destress.
Hope you find it helpful :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpX3uxv3kDE&ab\_channel=FindingSolutionsTogether
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ptsd
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I swear I've watched the series a dozen times partly because his struggles to understand human behavior so closely mirror my own in certain moments. Especially when he fails to understand humor.
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aspergers
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I’m between therapists right now, so I would love to hear from other people with OCD.
TL;DR When an obsessive thought about a looping song pops into your head, do you say the lyrics in your head or try not to think about it?
I’ve had this obsession for a while where I have this song I heard as a child pop into my head and I’m afraid of getting it stuck in my head forever, or that I’ll be aware of remembering it forever (my OCD gets very meta). I’ve been working on the latter obsession by agreeing with my OCD that this memory will [always be in my head ](https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/navigating-hyperawareness-obsessions/) and that worked really well, but now my OCD has morphed, like it always does, to find something else to obsess about. Now I’ll have the memory of the song pop into my head and I’m afraid now that every time I think of it, I’ll repeat the lyrics in my head. At first I was trying to do ERP by doing what my brain was afraid of and repeating part of the lyrics whenever that thought would pop into my head, but now I’m worrying that this might be a compulsion and I’m only repeating the lyrics in my head to make the obsessive thought of the thinking of the lyrics temporarily go away. But on the other hand, if I try not to say the lyrics in my head when I think of the song, it feels like I’m [trying not to think of a pink elephant ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironic_process_theory) which only makes it even harder to not think about. What should I do when this thought pops into my head? Try to ignore it, or say the lyrics in my head to take away the fear of thinking them? Thank you so much if you took the time to read this! I feel a little desperate right now.
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OCD
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I (18F) have never had a friendship that's lasted more than 3 years. I've never moved and only changed schools once, but I have never stayed friends with anyone for long. Most of my friendships might last 1-2 years before they either start hating me or we start to lose common ground/drift apart. I've also never had a relationship last more than 5 months.
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aspergers
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Have been putting tapes on the front camera of my cellphone from two days now because I feel like when I'm on an online class, the camera is shut though but I feel they still can see me and I don't want that. I feel safe now. Yesterday I was resistant because it made the camera sticky. My Paranoia just started. But Seems like I gotta stop this before it haunts me.
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OCD
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And yet nothing I can do stops me from coming back to it. I'm already 30 and done jack shit because I can't get myself to do anything that's remotely hard because my ADHD starts metaphorically screaming at me.
I did spend like 8 years working for some high profile tech companies doing some high level software engineering, but my entire life went on hold and I barely slept and did nothing but work because I can't have a work/life balance, all the energy of working was 110% of my daily capacity so I just had 8 years wasted doing work for someone else and getting older/poorer because of it.
I've always wanted to learn languages and do art and stuff but I can't get myself to do anything for more than like 10 minutes and never touch it again. I've started something (big, small, chunked, structured, anything really) so hundreds of times, only to realise a month later that I had started it and abandoned it like always.
I'm so defeated at the moment and I have no idea how neurotypicals do it.
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ADHD
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I'm in the middle of my diagnosis journey and looking at a lot of things in my life with a new perspective.
Here's one I just noticed: I struggle to read menus. Recently I went to a restaurant with friends and ordered something I didn't love. My friend asked why I ordered it and I realized it was because it was the only menu item I actually read fully. This was a very short menu and a particularly bad focus day, but I realized that I have always had difficult reading menus without jumping around a lot. I think it might be related to ADHD.
What are some little things you thought were normal, but were probably ADHD?
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ADHD
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I am always struggle to start something or to buy new stuffs because of my OCD, whenever I have plans for a day some negative thoughts randomly came in my mind and then I postponed it to the next day and this cycle continues.
Is anyone struggling with the same theme?
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OCD
|
So recently I realised that I love comparing myself to others very much. Or usually I'll think stuff like "I do not think I am good because it could still be better". But it often happens that I get thoughts like "Since that person did it better than me then it must mean I am basically useless until I reach this person's level". I also have trouble with seeing people as role models or idols. Often I see them as something I need to become as well. And I do not want it to be this way.
I don't know if there's Aspergers to blame or just my low self-esteem? I would normally not associate this with me being an Aspie but I recently heard the suggestion that this problem probably won't be so easy to get rid of as this is an Aspie thing?
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aspergers
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So apparently according to my partner people should be giving someone else a gift that they would like. Not a gift you like to them. Which I don’t understand. For me I much prefer something the other person enjoys as a gift. Because then they share a part of yourself. And vice versa. I like when my partner shares parts he enjoys. Like let’s say my special something is making origami. I would make an origami for my partner because I am giving part of me to him. And let’s say my partners interest is making legos. I want him to make his favorite set and hand it over to me. I feel as if that’s more personal than someone like. Getting something that I like for me. Does this make sense to anyone else???
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aspergers
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I literally can’t take it. I have a serious peanut phobia because I’m so afraid of having an allergic reaction that if peanuts are even close to me, I can’t function. I have to wipe all of my belongings down
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ptsd
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I'm just wondering if this is an aspie thing. I guess I just think a bit more logically about relationships, like DNA doesn't matter much to me it's more about how they treat me. But I feel most people aren't like that. For example, I have a brother who's just objectively a horrible person (he's never treated me very well either) and I just don't care about him. Like if he died or I never saw him again, I would be fine. But my parents will defend him to the ends of the earth and it seems like most people simply overlook those things for their own relatives. So do you look at how a person is or do you just accept everything for the sake of preserving family ties?
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aspergers
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Well, since I have discovered, joined, and participated in this subreddit, my life has gotten so much better, and also worse. And it's for the exact same reason.
We celebrate what ADHD is and isn't, our failures and foibles, the common mental hijinks we endure, and every way our life is impacted by our shared disorder.
My life has been improved by being reminded of what my life was before, what I endured and fought with and against every day, the coping strategies and supports I had built for myself for better and worse. It has shown me how much my life has improved and allowed me to share what I have learned and discovered with others who are undergoing what I went through and with others who have gone through the same struggles that I did. It reminds me that we aren't alone and that we can get through all of the morass that our lovely brains can cause.
My life has been worsened because, by going through the struggles that everyone else has posted about, it has reminded me that some of the trials and tribulations that I have overcome are not uncommon and are a part of my every day existence. I have been starting to backslide I to come bad habits that I overcame, some problematic behaviours that I thought I had beaten. And the worst part, the thing that I'm having a real problem with, is that I find myself justifying it to myself while I do it. Because, hey, it's not me, it's the ADHD. I'm not at fault for this, it's the ADHD.
I'm not throwing blame, I'm not trying to cause problems, I'm venting. Because I know that there are people out there who are reading this who are undergoing the same problem. I want accountability. I want to be reminded that I am NOT my ADHD. I want to be helped with being kept in line, to stop stepping onto that slippery slope of allowing myself to become the person who let the ADHD decide for me what I was going to be doing instead of being the one in control.
I'm struggling, and I need to be reminded that those unhealthy coping mechanisms I used to rely on are just that, and that I am not who I used to be, and that the fighting I have done are not just a waste of time.
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ADHD
|
Hello, I am 16 years old and I think I may have OCD.
To first start this I want to say that I have not been to the doctor, but I will probably go if enough people agree with me.
To start, when I was little (\~8 yo?) i remember vividly thinking about how I could kill my grandma with a knife, now I only remember thinking this once but I can still remember every detail of my imagination, I used to also have these lets say tics that I would do, one of them being cracking my foot, I remember every night I would be cracking my foot for half an hour or more, getting nervous if i didnt.
I have always been obsessive about everything, anything I like I do it till I get bored or it gets boring.
Now this is where my journey to misery begins, I have always had low self esteem and been a serial doubter, could never win a debate since i though everything I said needed 100% proof and I could never believe myself, thus the other person always had the ''right" opinion.
(I also forgot to mention, my mother was always like this too, obsessing over something, last the she obsessed over was having breast cancer, I remember that also, she would just check and check and check and check her breasts even though all the proof was there that she didnt have it.)
My first (what I believe) OCD theme was my stupidity (read = worthlessness), this sounds very very egotistical and frankly to me and most of you funny, but at the time like all OCD it was very real in my mind. It started last year around school, I don't know how or why, i just remember it happening. I feel very ashamed saying this, because it may sound like I have a very big ego but, I remember constantly checking whether I was stupid or not because of years of being called a good and smart kid I kind of got the impression that I was, you know, good and smart. That being said I never believed I was better than anyone else just because of that fact, and whenever anyone asked me for help I would help them, a bit manipulative of them but who cares now. I was checking constantly whether I did something stupid, said something stupid, would others believe I was stupid, how stupid was I compared to others and stuff like that (what I think are called compulsions) , I also did a lot of checking on the internet of IQ and what not, basically from the moment I woke up till the moment I fell asleep this was on my mind, and that last part is something that was hard to do, I remember on my worst days just thinking from 12 to 5 in the morning and repeating constantly am I stupid, am I worthless, will I ever be worth anything, was my whole life a lie, who really am I and what not. Basically stupid questions which ate me up. And all this time I still had school which was very not good for my sleep schedule, I remember on my worst night which to me now is funny but then oh no not so funny I tried to fall asleep at 11, and then couldnt because of all the constant thinking and checking and checking and mentally checking, reviewing the week did I do anything stupid, was I worthless, how different life would be if only I was a little smarter/useful so I basically went to school with 0 hours of sleep and best thing of all I had a test in Physics, despite all of this my grades were still good without studying, I am solid at math and programming at least in my school, but this shit still depressed the hell out of me. And at the time I had a girlfriend (this will come in handy later) who wasnt the best of the best when it came to girlfriends, in fact when I told her this she just told me to stop thinking this as she thought i had the perfect life compared to her. So yeah kind of not good for me at the time. It got so bad one time I wanted to go to the doctor but my dad told me not to so I didnt, bad move but I got over this theme after myb 8 months I don't know.
​
Now the second theme, oh boy.
I think I have Sexual Orientation OCD for the second theme, now this may just sound like teen angst or me questioning my sexuality but i dont think people question their sexuality for 5 months, so basically all my life I have been into girls (I am a boy), but now after all that has happened this feels like a lie, everything. Its like all those times that I watched naked women on TV, had my first kiss at 7, always been crazy for girls it all feels like a lie, at first the thoughts were fucking terrifying, imagine friends you've known for 6 goddamn years being turned into sexual thoughts, i remember when I was at one of my friends house, i was so fucking scared that i was gonna do something to him and was gonna fuck him, now i've been addicted to porn since I was 9 because one of my friends had showed it to me, i went from barely being able to watch straight porn becuase of the dick, to anal, to bestiality, to transgender porn. The last one is what really fucked me up, now i've tried to quit porn even before I watched trans porn, since it was really fucking me up but I never could, despite that I always knew I had a thing for girls. Now 99.9% of my fantasies before SOOCD(I hope) have been about teachers and girls, i remember one time i fantasised about prison sex when I was 13 not even with 2 specific guys just the idea of it because I watched some prison videos. but when SOOCD(I hope) hit for the first time it was very very distressing, I got thoughts about my dad, my friends, random dudes from the street, I began checking and checking and checking constantly doing sexuality tests, going to the past, checking memories and all the other shit that was before I knew what OCD even was, like most people I just though it was people washing their hands 24/7. But yeah basically thats it. Also when it comes to same sex experience, I did have 2 times which could be considered I was sexual with a guy, first time was when I was 12 and my friend asked me how big my dick was, I jokingly said ''Huuuuuugee'' but then he asked me something which made me really uncomfortable, he asked me to show him my dick and I was like ''Ok?'' I tried getting an erection but I couldn't since it was very very uncomfortable trying to jerk off while another dude was watching me and another time when the same dude dry humped me, to which i replied by hitting him in the stomach, very uncomfortable experience. Which leads me to today. I have been doing ERP at home and it helped a little bit but these thoughts are still on my mind, they dont cause me any pleasure and I wouldnt call them fantasies but ive gotten used to them which is scaring me a little bit, im gonna try to stop watching porn and maybe that will help maybe not, i feel like after 7 years of jerking it daily 2-3 times per day had an effect on my brain. But yeah thats basically it.
If you read this far thank you for reading, theres more I didnt tell about this since if I wrote down everyhing this would be 10x longer than it is. But yeah, tell me your opinion about this, am I just in denial about everything or is it really OCD. Either way i've learned through youtube that I have to expect both outcomes and that embracing uncertainty is key.
Have a good day!
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OCD
|
Ever since I first heard about the idea of “favorites” I always found it stupid and demeaning as your putting something or someone above some other things you personally prefer. Whenever I was asked what my favorite color, or food was I always found it annoying as I liked a variety of foods and saw these questions as downright disrespectful in some cases. I also completely despise when parents have a “favorite” child as there basically dehumanizing there own children and making them feel lesser all because of your personal egotistical side says so. Does anyone absolutely despise this type of thinking and think it’s incredibly outdated?
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aspergers
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I have this fear of masturbation, i read a fórum that fucked up my head, ive never had a problem with masturbation, actually i touch myself like 2 times on the week or less. On the 1st month of the ocd crisis i was 0 libido, 2nd one my libido was fine, i calmed down the ocd meds started to make effect. The 3rd one (now september) i had some panick attacks and the fear of masturbation returned (I have fear of developing Erectile dysfunction) i masturbated 2 times this whole month using sexting and nude photos of my gf, im really scared, i know that this don't make sense but the ocd is lowing my libido and driving me crazy. Will the masturbation cause me ED?
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OCD
|
It's getting dark again and i wanna lock up my door and sit in a corner hugging my knees. I can't think straight, and i don't wanna talk to the people i love because i don't wanna hurt them. I tend to push ppl away when it gets dark. I don't wanna cut again, I don't want it to get dark again. I've been depressed most of my life, but sometimes maybe for a minute i forget about it. I remember now and there's no light.
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depression
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I tend to grimace or otherwise screw my face up when they get really bad. Usually I can suppress it when I’m in public but if the thoughts are particularly bad sometimes it happens anyway. Am I alone in this?
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OCD
|
Sounds silly, doesn't it? I thought so too. You ever had someone (or in my case, many someones) ask you a personal question, and no matter the answer you gave, they just replace it with a different one? One that suits them conveniently enough, but leaves you at some kind of argumentative disadvantage.
"What's your favorite color."
"Blue."
"Really? Blue sucks, it should be green. Greens a better color. I ought to know, it's my favorite color."
(F off, guy)
I promise the conversations were not of something as innocent as "favorite color". I'm just trying to make a point in the nicest way possible.
Would i rather live or would i rather die? I'll do you one better. No matter which i choose, I'll tell you one thing, if you deign to tell me how i SHOULD feel or WHAT i should choose, I'm just going to look at you like your crazy and then silently walk off, never to be seen or heard from again. (Of course, i would actually do something far worse, but I'll keep it PG-13 i suppose.)
I'm sorry if this rant is inappropriate for a subreddit like this. I just got back home and I'm seething. I'm so sick of being told how I should feel or think. My life, my choice. End of story.
Okay. I'm done.
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depression
|
TLDR; hit and run ocd, insane coincidence, hoping for some advice
My biggest OCD trigger is thinking I run people over. I know this is common, and it’s a lot easier to work through it because I see so many posts about it here.
About 2 weeks ago I stayed over a friends house and we had drinks. The next afternoon I was driving home and had some pretty wicked hangxiety. Was fully sober but felt rough, driving with my glasses, etc. I got home and immediately started having my thoughts of thinking I hit someone on the literal 4 minute drive home. Nothing happpens. Go in the shower. All of the sudden, my doorbell rings and I text my brother to check the ring camera Bc I am in the shower. He tells me it’s cops. I tell him he’s joking, because I was just telling him about my anxiety. Like most people that have this, the most important thing to me is that I can go to bed that night and know I didn’t hit anyone Bc cops don’t show up at my door. So this happens and I fucking panic.
I run out of the shower, didn’t even finish it. Look in my mailbox for a piece of paper the police left saying they are investigating a crime that happened between a certain time. There’s cars all along my block. I don’t know how I didn’t pass out on my kitchen floor.
Turns out, our elderly neighbor was robbed. The police were looking for our doorbell footage.
I was in shambles for days, had a few emergency sessions with my therapist. The last few days now have been incredibly hard driving but I still do it. That’s what we all have to do that have this fear. We have to keep driving.
This was probably the craziest coincident that ever happened to me on this earth and I thought I would share. Essentially therapist and I realized that until I actually knew why the police were there, I had believed that I did something. This is like exposure to the max lol. Im feeling a lot better now and I promise u all it will get better. Don’t ever let your OCD take your driving away.
Looking to make this a thread to talk about how those of us who have this fear deal with it.
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OCD
|
My daughter’s psychiatrist keeps pushing for anti depressive meds instead of treating her diagnosed severe adhd… plainly because she’s academically successful and still turns in her work on time 🤨 the fact that she’s excessively disruptive, and turns in her stuff 5 minutes before it’s due, bounces off the walls at bedtime, super irritable and super anxious, frustrated…. I definitely feel like her depression and anxiety are a result of her adhd. But he doesn’t because she’s super smart… 🤦🏻♀️ He wants to put her on Lexapro now, she was already on fluoxetine and alprazolam and had horrible side effects (female, 13yo). Anybody has any experience similar to hers???
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ADHD
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I’m on 50 mg a day and I been taking it for almost three weeks but don’t feel any different, did anyone have positive outcomes and if so what were the results and signs it was working? Thank you :]
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OCD
|
So I think this is happening because I’m waiting to hear back from grad school and it’s really stressful and I feel like I’m regressing. I used to feel like I was on a tight rope and that was all the control I had between what felt like sanity and complete loss of control. I started going to therapy and have improved my symptoms 10 fold. Recently though, I’ve found myself perseverating again and getting stuck in loops and I can feel myself headed towards a tight rope. I know getting into school isn’t life or death and that everything is going to be okay so I don’t know why the stress is getting to me like this again.
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OCD
|
I've never really been an "invested" student whatever is means, but i feel like everything has worsened because of the current pandemic.
I feel like my meds aren't working as well, i can't focus, and i'm so overwhelmed.
i have 2 biology lessons, 1 chemistry lesson, 2 genetics lessons and 1 biochemistry lesson to catch up, and i can't bring myself to *do the thing*
i can't gather enough theoretical spoons to cook diner for myself so i just drink tea, and i feel as tough other adhd students are having a horrible time as well...
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ADHD
|
I am attractive and I hate it. Now as much as I love a relationship I don't really need one. Well at least one that's serious. I'll have a fling here and there but its always no strings so I don't feel bad if that certain fling ends. But a lot of girls I have a fling with want something serious after awhile and I be honest saying I don't want it to be serious. Then the fling ends oh well. But at the same time I get a lot of unwanted attention for being attractive and that's what I hate. Like I figured my high school experiense would be keeping a low profile ,hanging out with my friends,passing my classes and do some dumb things here and there. Now besides passing,dumb stuff,and friends its nothing like I expected. Welcome to life I guess.
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aspergers
|
Hey all. Been diagnosed for 5 years now. I am obsessing and hyper fixating on talking to a new person and I want to make it stop. I do not even have romantic ideas about this person. I feel creepy and almost like a stalker for just waiting on their response and attention. Constant refreshing or checking my phone every minute. I get excited when they do reply, but I can’t “Play it cool” so I respond immediately. I am very much an introvert so someone showing me the slightest bit of attention is probably why I’m obsessing. Realizing that still doesn’t help me stop.
Any tips or advice would greatly be appreciated. Saying “Just don’t look at your phone” definitely is not an option.
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OCD
|
i've been through things a lot of people would label as traumatic.
verbal and physical abuse, sexual assault, poverty, family addiction to drugs and alcohol. neglect.
but for some reason, it feels like it doesn't bother me. a bad day with simple things upset me more than those things.
to me it feels like i don't care about it.
until i really think. but i try not to. i feel envious of people who can feel deeply about it and get in touch, because i simply can't feel much towards what i've been through until i finally have a breakdown from bottling it up. i've never gotten therapy but i'm trying to now. what's wrong with me?
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ptsd
|
My wife is very good at coming up with accomodations for my ADHD symptoms. In this case she had a wonderful idea for our food spices. Ive been trying to figure out the best way to organize them, because I know that if I alphabetize I'll never keep that up. There are too many individual bottles to put them in view and even if they were it's so easy to just skim over what I'm looking for and assume we don't have it.
So my wife had the idea to put our spices into multiple smaller baskets, label the tops of the spices AND put an alphabetized list on the inside of the pantry door. Need Cumin? Find cumin in column 1, column 2 has the basket number. Then when I'm done cooking I use the list to make sure it all goes back into the correct basket.
It's just a simple idea, but its been wonderful.
Here is a picture of the list if anyone is interested http://imgur.com/a/tToZJN4
TLDR: a paper list of spices and where to find them is a good solution for food spices.
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ADHD
|
I’ve noticed that a lot of my OCD rituals are super similar to old Pagan rituals and even popular traditions that are still being done today. Please feel free to share your opinion on this topic OR if you know any books and research already written about this, please share them below. Thanks!!
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OCD
|
I was thirteen when I found out what was going on. Two years before that, I decided that life was too painful to live and took action. No one ever found out, but sometimes I regret not following through.
I forgot a lot of things. I guess that's good in a way, but I lost a large part of my life too. But that means I can say I've been abused for as long as I remember.
He denied that it ever happened. I left in tears - not that I let him see them. Nobody backed me up, even though I knew they remembered. Mom let something slip.
Then he said that I'm exaggerating - there were a lot of good moments too, moments I was completely ignoring. He told me that my perspective was skewed. He said he didn't know why I was doing this, that something was wrong with me.
Of course there fucking was.
Then he said I deserved it. That I got bad grades and needed to be punished. Too bad he kept all my report cards. I was a straight A student. Teacher's pet every year, did homework diligently, never got in trouble, aced every test. Of course, a 95% isn't 100%, and I could do better. It's not fair comparing someone to perfection. My only flaw in class was that I was too quiet. I got the same comment on my report card every year.
First I was told to go ahead and report it. They'd never get to me in time.
Then I was told that nobody would ever care about me in foster care. That it was basically slave work for kids, they lived in rags and had to fight to be fed. Obviously, I couldn't fight.
I actually took a risk one time. I emailed a help service. I had no privacy in my "home" to make a phone call. For obvious reasons, I couldn't let anyone catch on. They told me they couldn't accept that email. That I had to call them. I never asked for help again.
When I was thirteen I got adopted into a social group. I was the friend that would walk on the grass. Kind of only there to support others, but didn't get any support back. They weren't real friends. I kind of knew that. But it was better than being alone. At least then I wouldn't get bullied.
High school was hard. My grades slipped. I know it can't be easy taking care of a teenager, but I think the abuse got worse. They added emotional abuse to the mix. I was also being suffocated even more. My parents had this rule that I couldn't go to anyone's house unless my parents knew theirs. That was fine for neighbours, but I couldn't just say "hey I need you to ask your parents to be super close to mine". So I had to invite my friends over to my place. This had two problems. One, I couldn't say "I can't come over to your place, how about we do mine instead?" Two, I didn't want people to know how I lived, or see what my parents were like. So yeah, even at eleven years old, I could already think twenty steps ahead.
Back to high school. I was allowed to join clubs, which means I didn't have to be home for another hour. I was also allowed to volunteer (completely because my school made it mandatory), which means I could spend some time with my friends. Oh yeah, I got better friends. So that's cool.
I was still really quiet, but the people around me decided I was worth talking to anyway. I helped others with school, and got to listen to them at lunch. But for a few minutes each day, they listened to me too.
I still never told anyone what was happening at home.
I got adopted by an extrovert in my junior year. We both sucked at school but sat next to each other in math, so we could be dumb together, which was nice. Her, and a failed relationship from a previous year, helped me build my confidence.
I kind of regret that relationship. Someone liked me, but he also turned out to be a liar. I let it go, I decided that it wasn't worth starting an argument over every small lie he told me. He also showcased me to other people. It was weird that the first thing some people learned about me was that I was his girlfriend. I didn't like it. What really put the final nail in the coffin was that he never actually talked to me about our problems. I was there to listen to him vent about every other relationship he had, but I had to find out something was wrong with us from his friends. He pinned all the blame on me. We broke up. He wanted to go back to being friends. I knew that wouldn't work. I said yes. We agreed to keep the news low-key. I told no one. Two hours later the whole school knew, and everyone thought it was my fault. I was too nice to set the record straight. I didn't want to paint him in that light, so I took the fall instead.
In my senior year, I had the same teacher for two classes. I try to research my teachers before I go to their class by asking their previous students what they thought. The first thing I learned about this teacher was that he bullied his students.
I loved the subjects, so I looked forward to it anyway. Having my guard up was second nature at this point, you'd have to be worse than my parents to get under my skin. And if you were THAT bad, there's a high chance you would've already been arrested. My parents were just lucky I was protecting them.
My teacher saw me as a student who wasn't trying and didn't care. He didn't bother to learn that this was actually my favourite subject and I just didn't like him. He actually sat me down one day and asked me why I was failing. I said I was trying. I got dismissed immediately. He actually flat out said "no". There wasn't anywhere else to go from there, so I was the bad student again.
If he wasn't so arrogant maybe he would have listened. And if he was smart enough maybe he would have seen the signs. But he didn't listen and I didn't talk.
I remember an instance where I was beaten in the car on my way to school. My dad told me to stop crying before I got out, so nobody would see that I was crying. That's when I became sure that he knew this was wrong.
In my first year of university I made new friends. Unfortunately these friends had been through their own struggles too. One of them saw the signs. I still felt the need to hide it, but he persisted and got it out of me. It was the first time I ever told anyone I wanted to die.
I didn't want to, and actively resisted, but he forced me to get help anyway. Two days later I had an appointment with a counselor.
I started seeing doctors, psychiatrists, and other counselors. My story slowly unraveled. I learned that there was so much more to it than I thought. Did you know that wetting the bed is a sign of child abuse? I got yelled at and shamed for it. Hid it from everyone and my parents used it as a threat to tell my friends.
Having medical professionals explain concepts like this to me helped a bit, but even after nine different antidepressants, I haven't found something that makes me feel good. I find it unlikely that I ever will.
I cut off my family. Unfortunately I had to cut off my extended family too. I like them and they're nice people, but my culture still accepts corporal punishment. I know there is a difference between corporal punishment and child abuse. I know both are bad. But if my extended family ever found out about this, they'd say I was exaggerating too. Product of their time.
I never got a formal PTSD diagnosis. All of the doctors and counselors I've seen agree that I went through trauma, but I didn't hit enough of the symptoms to have a diagnosis. I don't get nightmares because I don't dream. I don't flinch when someone raises their hand too fast because I suppressed that out of my system to avoid anyone finding out. I still get anxious at the sight of a belt. I still vividly remember being hit, years after it happened.
There's some stuff I left out of this story because it didn't actually pertain to abuse. But I feel like my life's been a series of trainwrecks. I'm still not doing well in school. My undergrad is going to be extended by at least four more years. That makes me feel stupid.
I've got some great friends now. They actually know all of this about me and still decided I'm worth caring about. I don't know why. I also have an amazing boyfriend.
My mental issues are nowhere near solved, but I've got a pretty amazing support group. I don't think I deserve it.
I'm in a better place now, but I used to actively try to kill myself. Multiple plans thought through and some even partially followed. Being able to think twenty steps ahead isn't always good. My friends have had to pull me back from the edge numerous times. I still regret putting them through that. I've apologized. They've told multiple times I didn't need to.
I can feel myself slowly relapsing. First it's the intrusive memories. Then it's overthinking. Then neglecting school and hiding from friends. Then comes a desperate reddit post, screaming into the void. I'm not at the planning stage yet.
At one point I got locked in a hospital room for seven hours because I wanted to kill myself. Being alone with nothing but your thoughts for that long and in that state of mind is kind of traumatic. I vowed never to go to a hospital for that kind of help again. My friends know this too. I also had mental health crisis workers show up unannounced at my door the next day. I didn't appreciate that. My roommates answered the door and they didn't know this about me until then.
I actually had a psychiatrist call the people at the hospital idiots (yes, he used that exact word) for what they put me through. That same psychiatrist yelled at me twice for meds not working. I don't like being yelled at by a fully grown adult. Too similar to my parents.
Anyway, I'm not looking for anything in particular. I don't think I'm at the crisis stage just yet. If you read this all the way through, thank you. Not a lot of people would spend this much time caring about a complete stranger.
|
ptsd
|
My sister is depressed. She doesn't feel she has any reason to live anymore. She nearly drove to the ER the other night because she felt her suicidal thoughts were spiraling out of control.
I want her here with me. She thinks that I, alone, am enough to live for but she's still living with a lot of pain.
She told me how I can help her (she wants me to support her on removing our mother from her life). That's something I can help with.
But I'm still scared she'll harm herself. The only qualified person I know, that's actually met her and understands her history, is her former therapist.
**Would I be stepping out of my bounds if I emailed the therapist and told her what's going on**? I need some guidance with how to deal with my sister.
**How can I support my sister?**
**What should I say?**
**What should I** ***not*** **say?**
**What kind of professional can I speak with and get guidance from about dealing with my sister?**
|
depression
|
Does anyone else have a problem of forgetting to do basic things, and only remember when someone tells me or it’s gotten to an extreme? I get really sad, lonely, isolated, and depressed when I don’t eat for a long time. Everyday I don’t remember to eat until the end of the day. I’m not even that busy. I also just don’t feel hungry. Idk.
|
aspergers
|
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