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Of course I've heard of guys loosing it in their sleep, but this was a first for me. I've had night terrors and insomnia for years but to attack my wife in my sleep is something I could have never imagined would happen to us. I don't remember any of it and she keeps telling me its okay but I can't forgive myself. I work nights and my wife works days, so most nights she sleeps alone. However on the weekends I try to get some sleep next to her. Last night was the first time I got to in about three months. (A lot of overtime due to COVID) This morning she told me I sat up yelling at something in the middle of the night and when she tried to calm me I lost it... Apparently I landed a couple hits and even an elbow before laying back down and going right back to sleep. My wife says it's fine and that she is okay... It's not fine. I ATTACKED my wife... What if my son came in and he was the one to wake me? What if I hurt our unborn child? What do I do. Other than never sleeping next to my wife again what are my options? What if my son wakes me during the day when I nap. What if next time it's worse? I'll never forgive myself. I can't let this happen again.	ptsd
Hey /r/ptsd, as I said in our new [suicide & serious self-harm policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/koa26s/rptsd_suicide_serious_selfharm_policy/) I hope you're doing at least okay and that you had a good new year, be it with friends, with family, if you're isolating or just having me time. 2020 has been a rough year for all of us, but I am hopeful that 2021 will be better. Here's to all your successes, your survival, and if nothing else, to just getting by, because that's still something! Since we don't know who is using old reddit and who is using new reddit (I personally prefer the functionality and look of old reddit, but new reddit does have some fancy mod tools), I figured it's time to give new reddit some work and make life easier for those using it. # Sidebar Since there is no more sidebar in new reddit, I've managed to add some buttons, linking to our old sidebar text (rules, posting guidelines, etc) in our wiki, as well as links to the survey thread, self-help resources thread, and /r/suicidewatch resources. Is there anything else you would like quicklinks to? ## Self-help & self-care resources I thought about moving the bi-annual self-help & self-care thread to the wiki, but I do like the idea of you all posting your recommendations each time, though we could have a self-help & self-care wiki page that is able to be edited by the community, so you all could add yours to the list. ## Scheduled posts At the moment we only have two scheduled posts (survey thread & self-care & self-help resources), but are there any you would like to see? Such as a monthly/weekly hang out thread, post your accomplishments & have people cheer you on. ## What would you like to see? Do you have any other requests? Is there anything missing in new reddit that you would like to have easy access to on the new reddit version of /r/ptsd ?	ptsd
I saw someone else's post about money. But overall do you feel like you have "bad" decision making or have people said that to you? Sometimes I just want to be free and indulge in whatever I'm into in the moment. Which usually turns into obsession and then I'm on to the next thing. I think I collect hobbies that interest me but I never feel like I belong in one place. Ok to be fair. I have switched religions a few times lol . I joined a MLM for like 2 months then realized I'm not even that social. Like I'm a loner lol then gets bored then I branch out and do crazy stuff as I'm told. I am a contractor so I have always lived in a different state every year it seems like. Idk I feel like something is wrong . Or maybe I should just accept the fact that I will just never stay in place until I do my niche. Sorry for the long post found out that my therapist can't see me anymore. Because I live in another state now. And they are like do you want a new one...of course not	aspergers
Recently I've had alot of mental changes. I'm seeking therapy/psychiatrists to work with. While getting ready for an appointment I started thinking about things I would do when I was younger that maybe I never realized. I would get intrusive thoughts or repeat things (mostly sounds) in my head. An incident that stands out to me is in 4th grade our teachers chalk squeaked on the board. I thought of it all day. Then that same day I had an intrusive thought of running my nails down a sheet of paper (I know this seems mild) because the FEELING of my nails on paper gives me goosebumps. Like I actually would do it until the goosebumps would hurt because i couldn't stop thinking about it. I had bouts of self harm, and I told my psychiatrist when I was younger I was depressed but I never recognized the rapid thoughts and the repetitive thoughts as what they were until now at 27 when they've really ramped up. Is this something I should mention at my appointment?	OCD
Damn it sucks cause like I feel bad bc I have ocd I know how fucking annoying it can be when someone is like “omg I have that disorder too and I’m undiagnosed! Hahaha it’s so quirky and fun :D” bc we’ve all seen people like that. But genuinely people don’t understand how easy it is to convince me I have a mental illness or disease. Mental illnesses I’ve “diagnosed” myself with have been: schizophrenia, ADHD, depression, bipolar Physical illnesses being: GERD, a bunch of reproductive ones I’m not gonna get into bc I don’t like talking about that kinda stuff unless it’s necessary, and probably more but I just forgot I feel bad but I am straight up mentally unwell. I don’t do it on purpose. (Sorry if wrong flair idk which one fits best) Edit: oh yeah forgot to mention I convinced myself I had HIV as a 14 year old virgen so yeah... bruh moment there	OCD
I still feel fear and anxiety. But my OCD and intrusive thoughts have made me almost numb to everything else. I feel like my emotions aren’t there anymore and that scares the hell out of me.	OCD
Been dating someone I met thru reddit with ADHD since August 2021. He was also diagnosed later in life, in his last year of grad school, about six months before I was diagnosed at the end of 2020. It's been so great getting to know someone who's had this experience of doing pretty well in high school and college but struggling, then finally having this light bulb moment of an ADHD diagnosis when seeking help because stuff got so hard over the pandemic. So we dated for a couple months and I totally have feelings. He's so sweet, and empathetic, and is taking care of his family members cats while their building needs massive renovations and the cats are so sweet and nice to be around since my cat passed away recently and that was my only roommate. It's just been really wonderful meeting and getting to know this person. The problem is he's totally overwhelmed with his new job as an attorney and he's essentially just gone silent. He'll answer eventually if I send a barrage of upset texts. And he answers and apologizes and says i deserve better and he's so stressed and he just feels frozen and he can't answer and he doesn't know why. Which I know sounds ridiculous, but it's an ADHD thing and I can actually understand mostly, or at least can relate to that feeling but the effort is completely one sided regardless of blame. So finally after weeks of this, I blocked him yesterday on Kik. He's told me multiple times he understands if I stop talking to him. I can't look at our Kik chat just sitting there without being read for days, and then finally read and never responded to. It just hurts too much. And I genuinely believe it's hurting him too, not just me. Also transitioned from master's to PhD recently after defending my master's thesis successfully, and feeling really unsure about my ability to be resilient through a PhD program. I just don't have that much support in my local area. So basically there's too much going on at the moment with school and breaking up with my partner was really sad and I'm still struggling with that and I think my brain just turned off all day today in self preservation mode or something lol because I woke up briefly around 6am but never got going, and it's now almost 6pm and already dark outside and I'm still bed. It's like Thursday just kinda got skipped over. And I still don't want to get out of bed. I don't feel very sad anymore right now tho, just kind of.....am.	ADHD
I finished my allotted councelling time on tuesday. No diagnosis for OCD. My GP prescribed me medication for anxiety despite me describing OCD. I hate this condition, all I need is an official diagnosis but thats impossible to get. I cannot cope with the volume of intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I am physically hurting myself because my uneven skin hurts so much. I have given in to sticking things in my ears to alliviate the compulsion despite the pain it causes. I am going to lose my battle. I have already lost too many friends because of this condition. I have tried to get help but I am unfixable. I cannot cope in situations where I cannot carry out a specific compulsion. I cry and have panic attacks when I cant shift an intrusive thought or compulsion. I am so exhaused being like this. I have no one who understands me. I know nobody cares here either. I hope I make it.	OCD
Hello there. I just found this forum, am in need of help. So, the TLDR of my life is that I lived with mentally abusive parents for 19 years. They’ve accused me of manipulating them, gaslighting them, being a narcissist, told me I’m abusing them, etc etc. they themselves have done all of those to me, so a therapist told me. I was literally killing myself to try to reach their demands. Medically speaking, not just me talking out of my ass. I talked to them still when I first moved out, and did for a while afterwards. They managed to manipulate it so I had to move back in. I couldn’t tolerate it, so I moved out, and ended up living with someone who had the added physical abuse. I now live in another state away from all of them. But they keep finding ways to talk to people in my life. My girlfriends parents. My uncle out here who I don’t talk to much. People I haven’t talked to in a while are reaching out to talk to me just to get information for my parents. I feel like it’s becoming a burden on everyone. Countless people are having to deal with their shit because I don’t want to keep dealing with it. I feel like I should just talk to them again so that they will stop, and so that I can make sure that they don’t do the same to my two year old brother. I am just so torn. I still have flashbacks and a multitude of other mental issues that I’m struggling to overcome, and I’m struggling to cope with that alone. The duality of making shit worse for a bunch of other people or just worse for myself is making things a lot worse for me. I don’t have a therapist I can talk this over with right now as I am poor. Thank you for your time.	ptsd
I was recently diagnosed for ADHD and took Concerta 18mg for the first time on Monday. All I've got to say is it was a mind-opening experience. I felt the effects clearly for 7.5 hours and then I drank some tea and my heart started beating pretty noticeably, I read about possible interactions but it was a decaf so I didn't think it would affect me too much. Anyways, for my question: what will happen if I increase the dose of Concerta from 18mg to 27mg? Will the effects be more amplified, or will the effects just last longer, or will both things happen? Also, since Concerta worked for me, will Vyvanse also be effective or not necessarily? Thank you in advance for all your replies.	ADHD
In the sense that, when I wake up, I feel this sort of bliss, like my mind feels clear and I have no intrusive thoughts. But then after maybe 30 mins of being awake I immediately get bombarded with intrusive thoughts. Was wondering if this was a common thing people have experienced.	OCD
When my ocd first started it was with rocd. Then I had my worst possible form ocd (hopefully) which is hocd. I got a gay mental image and freaked out and my heart like dropped. I was dying for a year this form would be on and off but still be bad. Now it’s hit me really hard. I have been having these thoughts for a year now and before I could see clear ocd now idek. Just wanted to say I always considered myself straight and always liked girls. Never had attraction towards guys, I would just acknowledge if their hood looking or not that’s it. But anyways I have had this for a year and every single time it comes back it’s worse. I’m feeling arousal from the thoughts now not even like stupid penis shit but shit in my mind that’s what it feels like at least. I keep getting sexual urges and I can feel the guys lips on my lips and all of this like I actually want to do it. I’m so convinced I’m gay now that I just feel like I need to come out or it’s something that’s slowly starting to grow on me.	OCD
A common response I see to depressed/suicidal posts is "don't do it, you matter" or "even if you can't see it, you make a difference." But like...how accurate is that really? I don't feel like it is. If I died tomorrow I'd only affect my parents, who will also die eventually so the effect my death would have on the. wouldn't really matter. My siblings would continue their lives and my partner would eventually find someone else. My job would have me replaced by the end of the day. People would be sad for a little while but I don't really see how that's impactful enough on the whole world to warrant the "you matter" response.	depression
Hello everyone! I’ve been carrying this question for a while now and no matter how much i try to reason with it it doesn’t sit well in my head so i thought i would look for help in our community. So for context i suffer from ADHD, Depression and was diagnosed with OCD last year, now the thing is that i have always had hallucinations since i was a kid mostly auditory onces unless it gets real bad and i start seeing things. Also im very prone to what i think is paranoia cause i get really bad thoughts that people are watching me or that im being tested all the time or that the people in my life aren’t just people that i happened to meet and befriend but are people someone bigger wants me to meet and befriend so they can control me and so on. Expressed my worry about both this things to my therapist and she decided to put me on anti psychotics and said that im not paranoid or manic its just intrusive thoughts but it doesn’t quite sit well in my head so i wanted to ask other OCD folks if they can relate with this. Thanks for your time.	OCD
Still kind of new to the term memory ocd. Anyone experience the obsession of whether memories are real or made up but in phases? I can go a couple months without thinking much about them at all. I can’t tell if I’m shoving them down to not feel guilty or if it’s good for me to let them pass on in my head without clinging to them. My other ocd has been every moment for the past 12 years, so I’m more experienced in it. But the false memory type has always been on and off and I didn’t even realize it was ocd until about a year ago or less. I’ve gotten to the point where some memories are from so long ago I genuinely don’t know if I made them up or not. Or bits and pieces morphed with the last time I went through a phase of obsessing over them. And I feel awful, but I almost don’t want to know anymore. No matter what way I look at it I feel like an awful person. I’m afraid of doing CBT or EDMR and remembering things better. I’m afraid I won’t know the difference between what really happened and remembering false memories. Anyone had this experience with EDMR? Thank you.	OCD
Hello,Im a 22 year Old college student who was recently Diagnosed with ADHD, I have been having a very hard time sticking to my deadlines and getting myself to study or sometimes even do basic tasks such as Shower. After being Diagnosed I was prescribed a combination of Lexipram and Atomoxetine. It was such a relief..I could finally sit down and read a book . Do things that I was supposed to do. I did procrastinate studying though. I had to get off the medication because it gave me ED and switched over to stimulants. I have cycled through various types of stimulants such as Concerta, Aderall, Vyvanse and Biphentin. All extended release. None of these stimulants seem to actually work or stop working after the first two hours. Has anyone experienced this? If so please let me know what helped you.	ADHD
Hey everyone, so I’m home for thanksgiving and I just got “lectured” by my brother that ADHD doesn’t exist and getting clinically diagnosed is a tool that is used by the “system” to limit people like me because the color of my skin (I’m African American). I just don’t know what to do because I feel really upset that no one takes this seriously. Hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday if you do celebrate it :)	ADHD
Yeah so I went to see counseling at school, they told me it's possible I might have ADD or something of the sort. Even my ADHD friend thinks I probably do. I was also thinking about it for a couple months, so it's not really news to me. So, since I didn't wanna be the kind of person that's like "uwu mental illness is quirky, I have add ahahhaa" I wanted to see a neuropsychologist. But my parents refused, they say that even if they say that "my results will be confidential" they'll still share my information to literally everyone. Schools won't accept me, I won't get jobs, people will look at me differently. Which I'm sure isn't true >:/ In fact, here, people do get the help they need if they're diagnosed. So like.. what... do I do? From what I can see, literally nothing. I'd have to wait till I'm 18 and see a doctor on my own :/ anyway that's it broskis thanks for any reply ((for context I'm south indian idk if that puts stuff into perspective))	ADHD
My particular flavor of OCD doesn't mind disorder too much, but is quite concerned with "contamination" to the point that touching my own dirty dishes is a struggle. This is a recipe for the most disastrous of housekeeping abilities. I did a lot of therapy around cleaning last summer and realized that if I wear rubber gloves and a mask, the contamination fears are tame enough that I can do it. I managed to deep clean my apartment and kept it very clean for like 2 months last summer, something I was so excited about and proud of. During this clean period, I also started getting roaches in my kitchen sink. Which quickly spread to them roaming the counters and my garbage can. This made doing dishes and taking out the trash wayyyyyyyy harder for me, so my place got pretty messy again. I went on a trip end of Dec/beginning of Jan and cleaned out EVERYTHING before I left, in the hopes that an empty apartment for a couple of weeks might make the problem go away. I was very wrong. When I came back, there were HUNDREDS in my apartment. I immediately sent in a maintenance request and waited. While I waited, I could not clean AT ALL. Months went by and now my cleaning consists of making sure my water bottle, a fork, a spoon, a bowl, and a plate are clean so I can eat. I was afraid to bug them again because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to clean the place to make it presentable for an inspection. It eventually got to be too much and I wrote and hand delivered a letter explaining all of this to the new property manager who started taking care of it. Every week, they have sent pest control out here to deal with the problem. I managed to pick up a tiny bit, but in order for the person to work they need all kitchen and bathroom counters and cabinets clear, so all of that stuff has just been lying around my apartment for a month, which has also made my ability to clean worse (goodby clean bowl and spoon). That said, I've been in here while a pest control person was here and they didn't mention the state of my apartment at all, they just talked about how the infestation was so bad it was likely a building wide problem. This past week, I got a notice in my door claiming that the condition of my apartment is the cause of the pest infestation and that if I don't have it cleaned in 10 days I'll be kicked out. This has sent me into a total spiral of panic. Guys, I literally have a hazmat suit, rubber gloves and a mask and I CANNOT touch the dishes in my sink or my trash can. I have a meeting with the property manager tomorrow and I don't know what to tell her 😭😭😭 Any suggestions? Side note: if you read through this and respond, PLEASE don't mention how unsanitary cockroaches are. I already know they're disgusting and I don't need my brain knowing specific diseases they can carry to freak out about. I'm already convinced I've contracted genital herpes from them, despite not having symptoms and also being pretty sure that's impossible. (God, please don't tell me otherwise)	OCD
Freedom and Failure Why do I feel like such a failure? I am Free I am a failure Am I just looking for ways to relive me from my Freedom? I feel like shit Force myself to be made successful Is that the root of my OCD? So many questions Won't be able to find a real answer to any of them If I am happier when I get enough sleep, why am I always sleep deprived? My heartbeat sounds like footsteps It often frightens me when I'm alone I must've masturbated like 5 times today Only to grow the empty void inside of me Will I ever be happy? I have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel Lately I've had "episodes" where I feel like I slip out of reality It makes life feel so distant It mostly makes me confused How can matter exist? How does everyone pretend, or think, that this life is normal? These episodes started to occured so often that it just feels like I sometimes slip back into reality and start to believe in this dream again. I need something to happen I don't want to live my life like this I am Free and I Failed. Help me Why am I a failure? The ONLY reason people think I'm successful at what I do is because of my genes. I'm poor Unloved Unliked Maybe some day I'll live the life I seek Not because of my effort Does reality exist out of my head? Am I all there is? Is this all there is? I want to be heard I want to be understood	depression
I love my girlfriend to death, but I've recently felt like I bother/frustrate her if I correct/critique her. I've asked her if I shouldn't tell her when she does something wrong, she said no. I'm really confused so was seeking some advice should I just keep the comments to myself?	aspergers
Throwaway because maybe I’m an emotional idiot, or maybe my life is about to change. I don’t know. Also, I’m sorry for the length or any formatting issues, as I’m on mobile. I need some help from this lovely community. Before I go into detail, I’m waiting on being seen by a psychiatrist so my brain chemicals can be settled. I’ve not considered seeking therapy recently as I have felt at peace, but now I’m not so sure. I do have the diagnoses of panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depression. I know a ton of symptoms of one diagnosis could be related to a different diagnosis, but I’m the first person in my family to have any mental health issues. For that reason, I’m so new to the world of mental health that I have no clue what’s considered a symptom and what isn’t. I think I’ve been experiencing some phenomenon where I’m processing my subconscious thoughts in my sleep. This isn’t a PTSD nightmare, as I’m not waking up with the typical symptoms that accompany them. In fact, I wake up calm and clear headed. I have made some small life decisions based on these dreams before, but now I’m starting to have dreams that could cause larger life decisions if I react to them. Before I go off the deep end, my question is, is this even a thing? Am I dreaming normally about a random subject, or is this actually my brain trying to process my deepest thoughts and feelings? And if the latter is the case, is it typical to want to change the situation based upon what one has subconsciously come to? Is it even healthy, for that matter? I really appreciate any help. I know this may sound like common sense to some, but I really am a novice when it comes to this sort of thing.	ptsd
Im in my late 20's and was diagnosed a year ago. It took me about nine months to get my footing with medication. I quickly found that Vyvanse was the golden ticket for me, but it can easily work against me if I don't take care of myself. Since starting it I feel like my brain has changed. It's difficult to explain. I feel like I have matured 5X as fast as I would have unmedicated. I wasn't an immature person before but I'm much more confident now. The greatest leap I have made with the assistance of medication is in my work. Which is exactly what I needed. I was in and out of school throughout the years. A potent combination of anxiety and ADHD (which I had no idea I had) caused me to isolate and become depressed when in college. Family thought I was partying or fucking off but I was literally holed up in my room just avoiding everything and everyone. Not many people understood, many of them still don't understand. I pulled myself out of depression with therapy yet I still struggled. I was so frustrated and felt like a loser. I began to feel like maybe I just wasn't destined for much. This was especially frustrating because I have always had this incredible drive and ideas I wanted to bring to life. Then medication entered the scene. Holy fuck. It's like my brain removed a weighted vest that I didn't know it was wearing. I could learn things! Things I had been talking about for years became action with low effort. Things I struggled to even get started on quickly became habits. Everything I knew I had in me suddenly came to surface. Working has become addicting, I now understand how people become workaholics. There is now this positive feedback loop of Accomplishment -> Confidence -> Ambition. It's filling the gaps that were left by my previous struggles and my drive keeps growing. That feeling of being overwhelmed before starting a project has been replaced by the feeling that I can move mountains. This is basically my one year mark since starting and it's how I feel today. I know there are a lot of honeymoon phase posts which are great to read but I want people to know that it doesn't stop there. A lot of my experience could be exclusive to me. My biggest insecurities just happened to be fixed by medication and self care. Regardless, it's changed my life and will continue to change my life. By the end of 2022 I will leave retail for good and start my career in tech (Swift/iOS is my current focus). I will only have an associates degree, I will be completely self taught but my portfolio and skills that I am building today will be what gets me hired. Eventually when I am can afford it I will finally finish my bachelor degree in CS, I'm excited to see how much easier that will be on medication as well. I would love to hear other people's experience. If anyone has questions about any of this, please feel free to ask or send me a message. I have made it my mission to help people in similar situations when I can. Cheers	ADHD
To make a long story short, I'm considering taking a sustained vacation off my Adderall XL and perhaps leaving it behind all together. The main reason for this is because 3 years ago it helped SO much and I finally felt so "In control", but these days the improvement is lackluster and side effects are beginning to outweigh the benefit. Now, to be clear, I have the gumption to stop taking it but my real issue is waking up in the morning when I don't have it. Once I'm awake, I can usually manage myself; it's just ridiculously difficult to stop sleeping-- almost like I can't wake up without it. Does anyone else have experience with this and have any tips for managing the sleepiness? How long did it last?	ADHD
I had an interesting idea lately. What if we simply lived for now, in our repetitive jobs, activities, loner life. Maybe go to a shopping centre or restaurant just to have people around us, to accumulate our brain to normal humans moving around us. But then, Elon Musk says, autism "cure" in 5 years. Yeah, his timelines are nuts, but hey. Fine. Let's say it's 10 years, 15, 20 until the cure. Maybe it's "never". But have you considered the concept of a jigsaw puzzle? If the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle didn't fit, would you attempt to jam them together? No, that would be stupid. The evidence shows, that we are not INTERESTED in socialising. The evidence shows, we are not GOOD at socialising. The evidence shows, this is BECAUSE we fail to make the proper range of facial movements, incuding eye contact, but other more subtle body movements too. The evidence shows, that the reason we can't make these facial movements, is because we failed to do so with our own mothers in the early months of baby development. And, autism itself seems to be because neurons in the brain that most kids lose as they get older, we keep these extra receptors, and thus, we have constant sensory overload. Like a computer with far too much data coming in, and we are being overwhelmed with it. The point is this.... should people, in general, do things that they are bad at? Or should people stick to their strengths? If you then consider, that socialising is a strain for us, then what happens when the difficulty of socialising increases? Then, the strain increases further still. And we risk things like, overload, "snapping", not to sound stupid, but even, "beating our wives", "getting arrested", "shouting", "domestic abuse", etc. We risk not just our own domestic abuse on others, but that others would do it to us. Now imagine in contrast, something that we are much more natural at, such as, writing at length, talking to ourselves at length, doing Math (some of us), computer programming, artwork, working repetitive jobs, alone time. So in fact, why would you overload your system with something you are bad at? It's the equivalent of going to the gym, working out, and you can feel your muscles giving in, and yet you keep exercising, and then... pop! And you break a muscle, break a bone, etc. You have taken this beyond the "breaking point", and now you have "snapped". So, my current plan is to have no social life, until the autism cure comes. By the way, Neuralink from Elon Musk. He says this will be like a laser eye surgery procedure, that takes minutes. If it takes minutes to CURE autism, it will take minutes to CAUSE autism. Perhaps we can be given autism before work, to make us more productive at work, with hyper-focus. And perhaps then, we can have autism taken away, when we get home in the evenings, so that we are better husbands, fathers, friends, social life etc. It would be like "autism on-demand".	aspergers
Hi. I sincerely apologize if that is rather vague; basically, I fell into a deep pit of depression which has made really unmotivated and lazy, lazy to the point that I do not really have much a routine established for myself besides loose traditions/rituals that I follow. I’ve kind of gotten use to being without a routine for so long that my level of stress and anxiety have cemented into a bit of a stable discomfort. Please, I’m curious if anyone else has been faced with unpredictability to an extent that it has caused them to become desensitized too? Thank you.	aspergers
I spend so much time thinking about things I want to do. Whether it be chores, personal projects, creative outlets, or work stuff I often find myself going over in my head what it would look like a thousand times, but the percentage of those I ever actually do is tiny. I know that I could do it, but figuring out how to find time to do it and then sitting down and focusing on it long enough seems near impossible most times. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?	ADHD
I often get thoughts usually when experiencing an emotional rush {positive or negative}. Often when in these moments I’ll get a thought that the energy I felt has somehow “cursed” or “tainted” something that I enjoy (this changes based on what I’m focused on) Has anyone else ever experienced this, please share your stories and advice and feel free to ask questions	OCD
I (21f) have been diagnosed with adhd for like 6 years and i support anyone who is seeking assistance in a diagnosis. so my bfs (21m) sister (19f) went to get tested(like you do you) but she admitted to trying to skew her test so she would be diagnosed. it’s just upsetting to me bc adhd is still so stigmatized and people that do this are adding to that. anyways let me know what y’all think, if i’m overreacting or not.	ADHD
tw: sexual assault - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - so it’s been a year since i was sexually assaulted. and only just recently i’ve been having dreams at least once a week of the night i was assaulted. in the dreams, it’s like i’m re-living the whole night and i can feel all the emotions i felt in the moment. when i wake up i feel the same way i did the morning after it happened. anyone know why i’m having these dreams a year later?	ptsd
For the past year I’ve had a really bad obsession over my relationship with my boyfriend. My ocd constantly tells me these past 4 years we’ve been together mean nothing and that I’ve just pitied him. I keep getting this thought of “your leaving him soon so” and it just haunts me. I know I love him and I want to live the rest of my life with him but now I don’t know what to do about these thoughts and how haunting they can get. I’ve told my mom I want to get help and she told me all that would do is get me on meds and make me miserable, but at this point I just need help. What should I do?:(	OCD
So I suspect I have ADHD and I'm just figuring this out now. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and he asked if I wanted to get on meds but I declined since I started antidepressants for the first time in my life. All my life I felt like a lazy piece of garbage and I always got blamed for being a huge procrastinator and I felt awful. I have a lot of dreams but distractions that seem kind of addictive take over. I failed my first semester of college due to my OCD being so bad (also found out I have OCD recently) and got put on academic probation. Well a couple semesters passed and I'm now getting suspended and I feel bad about it, but I have a backup plan until I get there. I vented to my friend about it and she said "which are you gonna choose, Mental Illness or your life" and I said that this is fairly new to me and she kept saying that I was making excuses ( I will admit sometimes I do) but I felt heavily invalidated by someone who I thought would understand. I understand that wasn't her intention at all but it did hurt. It kind of reinforced the idea that I'm lazy or just always making excuses but I really don't know how to deal with this. My friends just keep telling me that I can't use that excuse anymore but I'm literally struggling. I'm drowning in deadlines, obsessions, and tasks and it just builds. I do some of them but I can't focus at all. Essays feel like centuries, and lectures don't strike me. I feel stupid sometimes which I know is wrong but it does hurt. Anyways hi guys, sorry this post is long.	ADHD
I want to say first i do have aspbergers and anxiety. But i get scared worse is going on in my head. I have these plans, i want to read this, do these chores, study about that. But when i try to do that i dont feel like my brain is taking it in. I will read something and forget everything except the end of what i read. I have tried to study writing but when i do i cant remember anything the next day at all unless i reread it or rewatch it. Its like i know what i want to do, i try but none of it stays with me. I just feel dumb or not smart enough to learn if that makes sense. I just hope it wont be like this forever	aspergers
I'm very nervous honestly, I don't do that well in gatherings, but I am happy to have holiday cheer in my life again(and to hang out with my gf and her family), as my dad who I live with doesn't like holidays and doesn't do anything for them. But g o s h a huge gathering is scary because i'm worried about faux pas at the dinner table tbh	aspergers
I get stressed and anxious when sending people media stuff on social apps since like it would usually show all your past media for u to choose from. My mind would be thinking: "What if i sent this screenshot that I took just now while watching something explict?" "Did I sent it to my work group/manager?" etc If anyone experience this too, I would like to know how u guys cope with it! (p.s while posting this I experience the same worries as above too but I still wanted to post it since I want to know) fuck ocd edit: omg guys, idk if yall see this but thanks so much for the upvotes and inputs, lowkey comforting that at least im not alone in this but ya we can do this ight 💖👍	OCD
The pain won't go away. I just want relief for one day. I can't do it I can't do it. SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE I CANT DO IT ANYMORE I CANT TAKE IT GOD PLEASE Life isn't worth it I hate it I hate it I hate it.	depression
So I’ve been on concerta for 6 weeks. Started on 18mg and then upped dose to 36mg. The first three days (could’ve totally been placebo) I felt amazing and got so much done and felt like every day tasks were manageable. That wore off quickly and since then I’ve felt like concerta is not doing much for me but raising my heart rate (it’s consistently between 90-130 every day) and my mind is a bit quieter. But I don’t feel I can focus at all anymore. I have a Dr appointment this week where I want to ask about trying Vyvanse. I know the effects would last longer in a day, I work 10 hour shifts and would like to be productive before and after work. And I do see a lot of success stories with Vyvanse. Has anyone started on concerta and then switched to Vyvanse and if so how drastic was the change? I’d love to know your experiences.	ADHD
So I recently read a quote that said something along the lines of “If you’re very indecisive and can’t ever make up your mind, then someone conditioned you not to trust yourself.” I am the most indecisive person to walk this planet and have to ask my mom and bf and friends etc on new clothing, which photo to post on IG, etc. I’m also the last person to care about what others think of me, but I guess a tiny part of me does care. I’ve been trying to make up my mind and my own opinion first and then ask for other people’s opinions after, which has only been slightly working. Could this tie into why my OCD is so bad? Can OCD be related to not trusting your own judgement and opinions? When I do my compulsive “things” as I call them - it’s like someone is in my head telling me that I need to do them (or else 😤 lol) but it’s basically like my own judgement of how I place a fork down isn’t good, I need this extra voice to tell me to redo it 12x. (Other “things” I do don’t really relate to this, so that’s just one example). Idk if I’m making a connection that isn’t there, but I just thought of this tonight. I know there’s much more to it, but maybe this is one component (at least to mine)? Anyone else feel this way? Incredibly indecisive?	OCD
Wondering what your experiences are with these two medications and if any of you have tried both, any things you noticed, etc. I am trying to figure out if I should see a psychiatrist through my new Dr. to try and switch from Adderall to Vyvanse (ADHD was not a part of her training so she said I need to see one before she can switch meds, since she is technically not allowed to switch my medication), or if I should keep getting Adderall XR and skip the whole annoying process of having to be re-diagnosed or at least re-evaluated for new medication.	ADHD
i’m a huge nerd, let me begin with just to summon other nerds to this post. i’ve loved harry potter, lord of the rings, supernatural, attack on titan and other anime for a while. i actually just got into anime a few months ago but you get the point. i also game a lot, genshin impact and fortnite are my mains. so my conflict here is that i’m really bad about getting rid of things i’m not currently fixated on them regretting it later when i get obsessed with it again. it’s a really bad cycle. currently i’m moving into a new house with my mother and step dad and want to decorarte my room with harry potter and my study with anime stuff. i don’t know why but i’m always so uncertain about how it conflicts and how i’m not just a weeb, or just a potter head. idk i’m having a hard time explaining this, does anyone get what i mean even a little? edit: i also have a REALLY hard time finishing things like books, anime series, tv shows, stuff like that which sucks because i feel almost like im not a good enough fan? even though i love the series i just can’t finish it for some reason. i change my mind a lot career wise too. currently fixated on getting into I.T.	aspergers
It’s become a problem more and more lately, primly when the pandemic happened, I observed every symptom I had, every thing I touched, and I eventually got to the point I had a panic attack in public. I over analyze physical symptoms and the things around me and it drives me crazy. Then, I start to psycho analyze my mental health and if I’m “actually a Horrible person who will do something bad and hurts those around him”. I convinced myself I had so many horrible mental disorders and eventually claimed myself an “evil” person.	OCD
Waiting for Partial hospitalization treatment and the waiting list is 6 weeks!!! Just venting... It’s just that it took so much courage and effort to reach out to them for help and I have to wait almost two months to begin. I really feel so hopeless right now. Also there is no guarantee it will help me. What if it makes me worse? I just don’t know how I can wait six more weeks just wondering what’s going to happen. I’m so negligent of myself right now. The OCD keeps telling me I am not allowed to take care of myself and so I’ve developed this fear of healthy behaviors. It’s so hard.	OCD
I know there’s various articles and studies out there that say there this reason we self destruct or do that bad habit etc but why do you do it, personally? The reasons change for me but I’m doing it a lot recently because I can’t face up to the hole I find myself in so mainly a distraction tactic. Half the time now I don’t even enjoy the self sabotaging activity like I used to (drugs, gambling, sex, throwing money around etc) I’d even say I don’t like it while I’m doing it now, but it’s a preferable feeling to being alone and having to face my feelings. Does anyone have any other reasons they do this to themselves? Just interested as this started going round my head tonight.	depression
Hello, I am working on a solution to help my partner and those around me with dissociation. I want to try and come up with a solution them before they dissociate and as as a Product Design Student from Bournemouth University, make this as a product. I have been in contact with several therapists, and done extensive research and understand that the best solution is something that incorporates all the senses. I think its important as well to make something thats appealing and am looking into an element of personalisation. Whilst the original inspiration for this project came from my partner, I want to create something that appeals to all who might dissociate. I have prepared a short 5 min survey for 16 - 65 year olds living in the UK here to understand everyones safe places or experiences to ground themselves before dissociation. These are places or times that make you feel calm. For example you might use a shell to ground yourself because it reminds you of a beach and makes you feel safe and calm. It could be music that played in time when you felt happy and calm. These are only some examples. Please find the survey link attached: https://bournemouth.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/imaginary-safe-environments-for-dissociation Having seen it happen to those around me, I can imagine how difficult this is to go through. Therefore I will do my very best to keep this survey as safe as possible. I will keep questions: * completely voluntary and anonymous * NOT concerned with the cause of your dissociation * concerned only about developing a solution * entirely your choice with which ones you choose to answer or not Please fill in this survey until the 19th November, if you have the time and the ease of mind for this. Your input could greatly help to develop a more accessible grounding tool for dissociation. Thank you, Oliver	ptsd
I'm too embarrassed about my neighbours hearing me. My apartment is pretty soundproof far as I can tell but the anxiety still gets to me. I have no idea why, I know I probably just have to do it but It's annoying	aspergers
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=340A40L9PgA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=340A40L9PgA) GM eric hansen says e has adhd and talks about h adhd and how it relates to chess. the acronym is apparently TDAH for both spanish and french spanish: trastorno por déficit de atención e hiperactividad. french: Trouble Déficit de l’Attention avec ou sans Hyperactivité source is from a March 2016 video not on youtube. see the youtube video description for the source.	ADHD
I'm watching a bunch of training videos for work & reading a bunch of legalese, and I physically can't focus on any of it. Someone suggested "Take notes", and I said "I can't. The information isn't even going into my brain in the first place". I definitely need to get better sleep, but I'm not sure what else to do to focus more. If I can't start focusing, I won't learn how to do my job, and either they'll fire me, or I'll leave out of low confidence in my ability to do my job. I'm new to even knowing I have ADHD, and I'm really struggling. I'm not sure what systems work for me yet, and I'm not sure what I need to ask for or what I need to start doing to focus for 5 minutes, much less 3 hours.	ADHD
Hey guys, I (23F) was officially diagnosed with Adhd yesterday. I've got a 2 week trial on Concerta (18mg) starting today. I took a pill 2 hours ago and I feel absolutely nothing. Is this normal? PS. This is my first time taking Adhd meds. I don't drink or use any drugs, and I'm not on any other medication.	ADHD
Hi there first time posting here. I have struggled with pure-O OCD and anxiety for most of my life. I’ve seen counselors for the past several years, and that helped me manage some of my BIG phobias and intrusive thoughts, but I’m still really struggling. I also recently went through a miscarriage that was really traumatic and caused some depression and lack of motivation. A psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft to help with my OCD and social anxiety, but I’ve always had intrusive thoughts and aversions to taking medications- however, I really really want to try anything that can help relieve my mental anguish and frustration with my thoughts. I briefly tried Buspar a few years ago and it helped slightly but I couldn’t stop ‘thinking’ about the fact that I was taking a medicine for my anxiety. Any advice on how to start the medication?	OCD
How do you stop the flashbacks. I was gonna delve more into what happened for context but i don’t wanna instigate dreams about it tonight like I’ve been. I’m 19 and had to move to my boyfriends parents house because I’m scared of being in the same house. I get scared when it gets dark or when I’m alone and I’m alone for 8 hours a day, I need therapy really bad but I don’t have insurance. Sorry to unload i just don’t know what to do. I lost my only parent and we were so so so close and I seen and did too much and I’m freaking out. Thank you	ptsd
I am 26 years old, and for as long as I can remember I have had a problem, well, remembering. That name I just learned? Forgot it. All the info I just studied for my IT certification? Well, I better go re-read it 20 more times and continue to remind myself the info for the foreseeable future if I want to remember it. Guess I better try and explain that 'thing'. You know, that 'thing' Oh! It's on the tip of my tongue; THAT THING RIGHT THERE! "The... remote?" YES THE REMOTE. My brain feels like tangled wires that I can't seem to straighten out. Everything in there is a jumbled mess, and even my vyvanse can't seem to undo the mess that is my brain. I can't remember anything, I can't describe basic items half the time, I forget important dates and disappoint my friends (thank God for the calendar app if I remember to put it in there) and I am so easily distractible it is almost funny. I have both ADHD-PI AND I was blessed with pretty severe executive functioning disorder. Every day is a struggle of fighting between doing what I know I should do or procrastinating all day. The Vyvanse \does\ help my focus, just usually on the wrong thing. Don't even get me started on actually talking to people: I stumble on words, I forget words, I "um" and "uh" frequently. If there is anyone in a similar boat, just know that you are not alone.	ADHD
i was happy living my life, the meds are actually working, i can take the bus without anxiety, i can hang out with my friends outside without being anxious, i felt so happy today it like finally breathing after suffocating for eternity, i didn't know that what normal was and i was so satisfied because i have no problems in my life... til ocd said " maybe u r too happy than you should be, you are going throught a MANIC episode bitch, calm down the depression is coming to hit your ass, hope u enjoy this little happy days loser "	OCD
I finally managed to get dressed leave my house and get the bus but I didn't get off at the stop to get to work just kept going got off at some point in town and walked home, now at the gym hoping to get something good out of today.	depression
From 15-22 I forced myself into any work. This be a dishwasher in a pub, a baker at a local restaurant, a call handler & a bartender. Every single time I move on to a new job after ‘burning out’ it gets harder and harder. The problems I have seem so much more prevalent and harder to handle. I don’t believe I am suited for work that isn’t involved in my special interest. How do you push yourself through unbearable jobs? When people say look for a new job and I explain my issues they just say ‘this one will be different’ or ‘everyone feels like this’ In the UK how can I go about not working due to this awful disability. EDIT; I’m currently employed as a cocktail maker and before every shift I breakdown with anxiety. Every-time I go in intrusive thoughts pester me to leave	aspergers
The terrible dark things that pester my mind in a never ending cycle find some relief in reassurance. I’m comfortable with my therapist and can speak freely with them, but I always feel like I’d like to be completely transparent with my significant other or very close friends. I’m afraid that sharing my struggles will only scare them away. As long as I don’t level with them about what I’m going through I feel like a bit of an actor, pretending everything is okay. If I do tell them and they don’t understand, I may only get worse. Sometimes I feel like I’m too sick to deserve love.	OCD
I have a problem because I don't want everyone to worry about me because I'm thinking about killing myself and I don't want bother everyone who i know with my death. I must make everyone hate me to realize my plans because I don't want to be stopped. I have many reasons to do it, lots of anxiety and fears, problems with making new relationships, being ugly af (my smile is disgusting because almost never have been visiting dentist because it's too expensive in my country), being a loser who didn't achieved actually nothing, having problems with trust ( too much false and toxic people ),feeling only stress and emptiness (even being engaged with most lovely guy for a year doesn't work ), even my passion for drawing and other stuff don't make me feel better. To be honest I tried to change something in my life to feel better especially loved to help my friends and make them happy to feel their good emotions and drawing but everything got worse and i just gave up .	depression
Hello, I am an Aspie living in Poland. I just wanted to ask whether the tendencies written in the post title are out of the ordinary for people with Aspergers. If I recall correctly, there were some posts on here and other subreddits for "autistic" tendencies (no offense, just wanted to use the term as a descriptor of what I mean), which showed an opinion to the contrary of mine - babies/toddlers being a pain to deal with for people with ASD, largely due to their crying leading to overstimulation and sometimes for reasons as simple as finding children "unappealing". I greatly respect those differing opinions, but I'd like to present my own perspective on the subject. I have had this affinity for babies ever since the birth of my little sister - when I was 5 years old. I still remember her being so adorable and funny when she was this young (she's great to this day, just for different reasons now). The "baby fever" of mine has persisted even to this day. Nowadays I mostly show it towards two babies/toddlers in my family - a 2-year-old cousin (and godson) and a one-year-old nephew. However, I also tend to show it towards the babies/toddlers of strangers in ways such as waving my hand at them, hoping for a reaction. I know I probably shouldn't do that and I am trying to fight that urge, but it's just so adorable when they wave back. I also enjoy seeing little children staring at me for some reason with their large (in proportion to their head) eyes. I then try to make a silly face in order to incite a reaction from them. Perhaps babies/toddlers are my special interest in a way? Let me explain why I feel the way I feel in the next paragraph. First off, I just find babies/toddlers extremely cute and fun to be with. From what I have seen, most Redditors prefer little animals, but that's not the case for me (though puppies/kittens/etc are lovely too). It's just so fun watching them explore the new, unfamiliar world around them, learn new things and mature. It's really captivating as well! I really love trying to see the surroundings through their eyes. So many ordinary things to us seem to them like wonderful new adventures. Secondly, it's a wonderful feeling trying to assist a little human in learning all about the ordinary and extraordinary. Of course, I don't want to shape them exactly in my image, I just want to help them in their development and be their "bridge" with the teen/adult world. The fact that those tiny babies/toddlers are the future of humanity really makes you feel as if you are contributing something to the world. Just imagine how many wonderful things they could achieve in the future! The final reason why I love small children so much is because playing with/talking to them is a great distraction from overthinking the issues of the modern world and constant paranoia of being rejected by society. As I mentioned, I am an extremely paranoid person, constantly worried and afraid of what people are really thinking about me behind my back. Developing relations with babies/toddlers is really soothing to me and lets me avoid lots of nuances and obstacles that come with interacting with a prson of my age or older. Call me too lazy to develop actual relationships, but it can be such a pain to find out what people truly think about you in them. Even though I do have some friends of my age (the best one is a really smart girl from my class) I am often afraid that I am not truly liked and they let me interact with them only out of pity due to my Aspergers. With babies/toddlers, such worries go out of the window. You do not have to be paranoid that they make fun of you behind their back and it's much simpler to start a relationship with them. Just show them something interesting, make a funny face, play with them and you'll gain their acceptance. It's not something you see in the teen/adult sphere, at least from what I have seen. Thank you so much for reading my post. If you think my interest in babies and toddlers is going too far/find it creepy or you think the text is poorly written, feel free to call me out. I just wanted to vent about something I have been thinking about lately.	aspergers
Hello everyone, I am a master's student at the University of Edinburgh, studying the psychology of mental health. I am currently conducting my dissertation research on Young People’s Understanding of COVID-19 and looking for participants. We would love to know how people in any part of the world think about COVID-19, as everyone had a different experience. Our survey is not directly related to OCD (we do have a few anxiety-related questions), however, it is an international study with the goal of getting as a diverse sample as possible. Please find below some information about our study. Study Description: Survey of young people's (16-29) views about COVID-19 causes, infection risks, symptoms, treatments and vaccinations. We are examining possible associations between them and the mental health effects of COVID-19. (eligibility criteria: anyone 16-29 years old, fluent in English, around the world) Study Link for more info & participation: [https://edinburgh.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_5AW2mhVRiqeHUbQ](https://edinburgh.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5AW2mhVRiqeHUbQ) Thank you so much to anyone who participates! :) \This post has had mods' approval\	OCD
Im not sure if i have ADHD, i can manage my time efficiently, doing homework, passing up assignment on time and im a top student in our school. But one think always bugged me which is whenever im "SELF" studying certain subject which require strong memorization power. I cant help but losing focus and hope this study session ends. This only happen when im at home studying ALONE but not in class. I usually cope with this with extra long hour of study as losing focus waste so much time. Why i said "certain subject"? Because this doesn't happen whenever im studying subject that require intense calculation, understanding and theory. So do i have ADHD? Or am i just feel boring study those subjects?	ADHD
I'm in this weird place right now of seeking a diagnosis at 27 (which I know isn't uncommon). After taking preliminary tests, talking to three professionals, and getting strong encouragement to seek an autism dianogsis on top of being told I am likely on the spectrum I feel validated. But testing is a long process, taking months to complete. So researching and finding stories for women with autism has been my go-to. The weird thing about Autism being such a wide spectrum to me is that I relate to some things a lot and then can't remember or don't relate to other things. I don't have meltdowns (I have shutdowns) for example. Now that I'm aware of sound sensitivities, I take care to avoid them and actually openly react to them when I didn't before. Which has me asking myself if I was masking before or if the sounds really didn't bother me and I am exaggerating now. Sometimes I am very monotone and underreactive, other times I'm very bubbly and overreactive. Questions and in-betweens like this are stressing me out. I don't know what to do in this inbetween stage of having the validation, but not the official testing or diagnosis. I am doubting that I should be lightly self-diagnosising at this stage despite professionals telling me ASD is likely. I don't know what I'm asking. I guess I am wondering if anyone else felt/feels this way or what someone else thinks about this. TL;DR: The Imposter Syndrome while I'm seeking an ASD diagnosis is making me doubt myself. Relating to some things and not others are making me question myself.	aspergers
So this is an obsession I’ve had for awhile but lately it’s taken over as my main obsession. I have a beautiful wonderful cuddly pet cat who I found on the street and brought home with me, she’s about 4 years old and I love her so much, as we do our pets. However, lately I can’t stop worrying that I’m going to accidentally kill her or she’s going to die. It’s been stressing me out so much so that I’m starting to be afraid of locking my door at night because I’m afraid she’ll die while I’m asleep. I’m currently waiting for a refill on my meds so things have been rough but just needed to vent. I hate how the happiness she brings me is being tainted by these intrusive thoughts.	OCD
I don’t know if it’s related to aspergers but I find that I tend to only be concerned with the practical side of things, and how people are materially affected. For example, if someone is venting to me, I find it difficukt to just console them, and I find myself just offering solutions or advice.	aspergers
I was already at a bad place before but I was able to get through cause of my partner. But then she cheated on me, broke up with and wont even speak to me right now. I'm having suicidal thoughts frome time to time, I dont wanna do it cause it'll cause pain for the people I'll leave behind but there's only pain and misery right now for me.	depression
Has anyone experienced feeling like they want to throw up after eating. Many times when I eat and I think of the many germs that was in the food I just ate. I end up gaging but never throw up. Once the thought of germs on my food caused me not to eat for a week. I’m also autistic and I’m not sure if this is an autism or OCD thing. So has anyone experienced this?	OCD
Hello kind people. Maybe it's just a vent, maybe someone can empathize and in the case that someone can say something useful, I would be really thankful. I am so done with myself right now. The thing is, this whole pandemic situation gave me (and million others) the time to rethink the path I have taken and it turns out, it wasn't the right one. I always wanted to be an artist, especially a filmmaker, but was strongly discouraged to go in that direction by my folks, so I didn't. And I kind of forgot what I wanted in the first place. What followed were years of struggling academically and psychologically (depression, anxiety, finally the add diagnosis...) pursuing a degree in psychology (the irony!), I realized I didn't want to finish. I liked studying but I didn't fit in and I didn't want to do anything in that field. I only felt that I had to until I couldn't go on. I couldn't write my bachelor's thesis. I sat in front of my laptop staring at an excel sheet and nothing made sense anymore. After failing my bachelor's, I changed my major to theatre studies and on the side started self studying creative writing, film making and cinematography while collecting ideas for films, comics and/ or books. While studying theatre I stumbled upon a filmmaking contest in my area and together with a few friends I made my first short movie. I had pretty bad anxiety when we were at the screening but I managed to go with a friend. We won second place out of six as the only newcomers. We were really shook. I even had to do a Q&A and all but it was okay. Went well even. Now I am trying to apply to art school, because that's where the stuff I want to learn and the people I want to meet are at, and I get major anxiety (heartbeating, I get sweaty and then feel sick) every time I look at their websites. I'm not even sure what the problem is right now. What am I even scared of? If I don't apply I can never go there. It's easy. Why can't my brain understand that? I am running out of time. Do I need a body double to do the thing? How can it be that I can be brave in some situations and then crumble under the task to only READ the requirements for the application? TLDR: Even though I am happier now that I changed my career goals (from psychology/research to filmmaking/ content production) and had a first little success on that path, I get crippling anxiety whenever I want to take the next step (do the research to apply to art school/ think about and plan my portfolio).	ADHD
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 36 years old. My prescriber put me on Vyvanse 30MG and I tapered to 60MG with pretty good results, the problem was insurance wouldn’t cover it so she switched me to Dextrine ER since I had to try that before insurance would even consider the Vyvanse. My problem is that I don’t feel as focused on the Dextrine and the crash I feel starting at 3:30-4:0”PM is AWEFUL, anxiety, fatigue, flushing, etc that didn’t seem to happen on the Vyvanse. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar to this? All the treads I find are praising Dextrine over Vyvanse and I don’t know if it’s just me.	ADHD
I've made my question deliberately vague. I ask because I keep seeing people here say they feel like a failure. I've noticed the culture round autism is all about emphasising strengths and promoting inclusion. It seems like most NTs think autism is just bad social skills. No-one ever talks about autism as an experience, people always talk about appearances or outcomes. I've spent my life being overwhelmed and confused by the world around me. What I've always wanted is to not be distressed all the time. Does anyone else feel this way?	aspergers
I either remember every terrible detail or I can't remember anything. It's so different I feel like I'm one of two people, depending on what I remember. Sometimes the trauma and everything doesn't feel real. Then there's the emotions that creep in just before a panic attack that feel like they're coming out of nowhere. I'm not exactly sure how to even describe how it feels when I'm "checked out." Confused, disoriented, numb, unfocused, frozen, trapped? I rarely remember it. It always happens during my college classes too. The worst time it could happen. In front of at least 30 people. I don't think I have to explain why running out of a classroom to go hide somewhere to have a breakdown in private, is incredibly embarrassing. Or curling up at my desk and rocking back and forth until I come back from... wherever the hell my mind was. I'm just tired. I feel like I can't trust my own memories or thoughts. I can't remember what my triggers are. And next semester starts tomorrow. I just want to be normal. When I can't remember my traumas I start to believe I could be, until I talk to another person. Will I ever be able to function in society? There's no going back to before the PTSD, I was 5 years old when it started. PTSD is all I know. I'm not 100% sure what "normal" is, or means. Sometimes it just sounds like everything that I'm not. I don't know what to do with my life. I just try not to hate it.	ptsd
He's currently 19 and our mother have been trying to get him to seek help for years. Now it has gone too far, he gets pissed off if we don't remember all of his rituals and helps with them. He won't seek help cause he doesn't believe in psychiatrists actually helping. What can we do? We have tried not to encourage him before but he just yells that we hate him and don't want him to feel good. Should we continue to encourage him in his rituals? Also don't know if this is the right Reddit to post in. So sorry in advantage.	OCD
so i’ve been really struggling with pocd for a few weeks, and still am having trouble with it. though, it’s gone down significantly. for the passed few days i’ve been having more clarity, with a few rough patches. i’m not currently in therapy for ocd nor taking medication. is this normal? am i just exhausted? or have i just accepted that i’m a pedo? it’s like i barely react to the thoughts anymore, and if i do it isn’t for long nor am i disgusted as much.	OCD
i am so tired while i know this is all bullshit but everything keeps coming even if you know it dosen't listen or stom so make a promise to youself you will stop doing it and everytime u feel like it don't do it let the thoughts come just try it	OCD
For my bachelor's, I have to take 2 semesters of a foreign language. I'm going into my last semester and I've put it off. So, this summer, I have the book and I'm flying through it. My son has a Master's degree in Spanish and he's blown away. I decided to just learn both semesters during the summer, that way, I can try to test out of it. I'm just so shocked to be good at anything academic bc I never have been. Well, I do well in my English and Social Work courses but in general, I get good grades bc I bust my hump.	aspergers
Pure-O OCD sufferer here that struggles with sexually intrusive thoughts, false memories, harmful intrusive thoughts, and hit and run OCD. Looking to find a few likeminded individuals wanting to have an open and constant resource for one another. M 24.	OCD
I (30F) was diagnosed at 12. I’ve been in partial hospitalization programs a few times, IOP a few times, medicated for the first 7 years. Today I’m not medicated but I am working on exposures with a therapist. Does it ever go away? Like does continued ERP make it nearly go away, or just more manageable? I might need to start accepting that this is forever for me	OCD
How do you know if your feelings are valid? I’ve never been officially diagnosed with PTSD due to COVID-19 making it difficult to go to therapy. I just keep thinking about all of my experiences over and over again and feeling like I’m overreacting. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish it were worse so that I would have a right to feel the way I do and wouldn’t have to feel so guilty. My friend recently talked me into trying to quit SH and recover from my ED (both of which were in a way related to previous trauma) and the longer I go without them the more I feel like I’m faking everything. They made my emotions feel valid and heard.	ptsd
i just want to stop hurting. i don’t know how to live with this much pain. one of the most terrifying parts, i don’t know exactly what this pain is. fear, loneliness, abandoned and abused? i just know i can’t imagine feeling as if this is all my life will ever be. god, forgive me if i can’t.	depression
Today is the day i finally get a hold of my own life, this is a new month so its a great opportunity to take action (tho if u wanna change ur life, u should never wait and do it immediatly, but just today i thought of it) Today i went on a walk and i saw a pretty pink flower and i thought to finally make it the day i change and make that flower the symbol of my change (i took a pic of it, i would love to share it but this sub doesnt allow pics for all i know), after i got it i went to a place that usually scares me but not today! Today im facing all of my fears and conquering all of my demons, no more will OCD continue ruining my life, my life is my own and im the only one who decides what to do with it!, tmrw im planning to workout which is something i always thought of it but i was never motivated enough (i also did a little today, but cant do much with a flower in my hand xd), and im going to do so much more this month and im so excited im finally doing this!! Thank you so much for reading <3	OCD
Does anyone else feel like they dont deserve good things? Recently we bought a new bed and mattress and I'm feeling so guilty and like I dont deserve it that I've been sleeping on the floor again. I do these weird things like I wont put the heating on because I dont deserve to be warm and I wont want decent food. Does anyone else do these sort of things and how do you stop the guilt? Over the past year I've given all my belongings away due to guilt	ptsd
Hello all! This is perhaps part rant and part what on earth can I do. So, I'm 22, with ADHD and I'm caring for my dad who is 65 with Parkinson's Disease. Weirdly, It presents mostly in cognitive symptoms so his working memory isn't the greatest. He also has the patent tremor. He's slow to process things and sometimes half the things don't get processed, he has problem task switching, executive function, planning , concentration, insomnia, sound kinda familiar anyone?? So, we both have the similar problems, this can lead to situations like the following: Note: this situation is the almost worst day scenario, usually it's not this bad but small things add up enough to make you go crazy. We needed to go to Lowes I didn't make a physical list so I couldn't remember everything needed, He Forgot glasses so I had to look at and read everything and wait for him to process. We both forgot our phones so couldn't' look anything up. We Both hadn't eaten food (it was 5pm). Me getting increasingly frustrated and angry because all of the above. We spent about 2 hours in the store. I forgot where I parked, he didn't have a clue, and we wandered around parking lot for 20 minutes before finding my car (no beeper unfortunately) The trip was so exhausting for him he didnt have the energy to do anything else for the day. So, we both struggle with same issues in different ways but end up with the same result. We're both messy, spacey, indecisive, have difficulties with conversation, and motivation. We also both have difficulties with anxiety. This can lead to funny moments, and more often, frustrating ones Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even be allowed to be taking care of him, because I might be doing the best I can but it's still not a good job. And I don't really know what steps to take to make it better.	ADHD
I am in no way shape or form trying to invalidate anyone's OCD. What I am simply saying is that when I am stuck on HOCD or POCD I begin to feel envious of those with religion OCD even though it is just as debilitating. Or if I am going through POCD I wish that I could be obsessing over something I've already obsessed over in the past but then I jinx it and it happens but then I wish to go back to the POCD. Just an endless shitty cycle	OCD
I see a lot of posts on this forum that assume with enough practice you can blend in with NTs. While that may be true, it is important to keep in mind that blending in does not mean you will BECOME an NT. You will NEVER become an NT because your brain is wired differently. Period. Blending in is merely an act you can pull off (a form of faking it till you make it), but doing that will never turn you into a NT so it really isn't a viable strategy for living a happy and productive life as an aspie. The only way is to accept who you are, build on your strong points, and blend in when you must. Don't spend your life trying to become what you cannot.	aspergers
Hi yall, I know this topic has been covered a few times before but I can't seem to find any helpful tips/tricks/words in general, so I'm gonna try it this way. Since I quit drinking (it was problematic) I have been confronted with an intense feeling of restlessness in the evenings. I interpret these feelings as a sense of boredom/understimulation. They start at the beginning of the evening when I stop working on my study for the day. I have been trying many tricks to counter this feeling but I have yet to find something that works for me. The only thing that does help is cleaning my room, yet the problem is that my room is quite small and after like 15 minutes of cleaning it's all done, and the boredom/restlessness/understimulation returns. How do you guys cope with this feeling? Now that I am in treatment for my drinking problem I have to find new ways and as of yet, it's quite a struggle. I'm really looking forward to your responses.	ADHD
No one has ever outright told me/diagnosed me as having ocd but all my symptoms point there, so I hope this is ok. 9 years ago when my son was born I had post partum depression with ocd symptoms, afraid I was going to harm him, afraid of harming my husband. Certain household items trigger extreme anxiety of harming/imagery of harm. Couldn't watch certain programs on TV or listen to the news. It's never totally gone away. I have had times where I feel "normal" with no symptoms for months, only to have someone or something trigger me, then it goes into a downward spiral again for months until it somehow ends. Had two years where I had health obsessions and thought that I was going to die of ALS and leave my family to suffer. Googled every symptom and begged my doctor to keep testing me because I was convinced they couldn't find what was wrong and I was going to die. My main thing is after a barrage of these thoughts I Google everything, I have taken multiple tests online making sure I am not a psychopath or sociopath. Lately I have had a mental habit of counting to three and it seems to shut up. But it seems it always comes back to harm. I have an issue where being angry with someone scares me and sends me down the spiral because if I am angry then I will lose control and if I lose control then I will hurt them and what kind of monster am I? And if I have a thought like I wish they would leave me alone then it goes directly to harm. And then it all ends in maybe I need to protect everyone from me. Please tell me that I am not alone.	OCD
Though— all that I have received is ostracization and a budding dependency on alcohol	aspergers
So for a while now I've been having a sense of doom, I told myself well typical anxiety,but that it tends to happen well that's mainly the problem. I don't seem to fit at anything at all even how hard I try or how hard I try to put my mind into it, I just always ALWAYS fail,for a couple of months being socially awkward, lack of knowledge, not so good at sports, personality issues. Every time I give myself hope it just a false hope nothing changes,or like having instant gratification and that's it, after this moment I could think of me conquering the world lol. And like nothing was ever been. Life demands so much yet I fail at most and people tell me always your kind and good hearted, will fuck it I hate these words like the words are sticked to me.peole begin to ignore me or beginning to lose hope in me. This sense of doom I try to run from but it feels like it's going to happen no matter what.	depression
I'm a high school junior with near straight A's but the amount of work and just general being around people is ruining everything. I have an essay due in a day along with a test that same day and finals next week, yet am still being given homework. I don't have time to study for finals or tests because of homework, writers block, and procrastination, and my sleep deprivation has lead to me even having chest pains and anxiety when I wake up. My parents expect A's and I gotta try to get A's even if it's killing me. I also am introverted with a distaste of people I'm not used to, do to being made fun of, and I dread everyday I wake up breathing. I tried to kill myself once before and almost succeeded just over a year ago and slowly everything is coming back. School work, no sleep, expectations, girls, social life, no free time. I wish I wouldn't be alive anymore sometimes.	depression
(please do not make this post political) I was reading about the massacres that come from the israel/palestine conflict, how many people, including entire families who literally go to sleep knowing they are going to die. Excuse my Aspergers, but I've slowly learnt to aware and hopefully understand most "neurotypical" behaviour to navigate society. I cannot, however, understand the justification behind wars/massacres. I guess I understand that it escalates to where it gets to the point of one country sending people to kill people in another country, but I just can't understand how people would think it's fine to like cross the line where you say "it's fine just kill people if they're there." Is this something that NTs understand better? I can't even kill a spider in my house. I'm not saying NTs are more likely to kill or anything, but I just feel that to get to that point of conflict with a different group over a difference, you're probably more involved in caring about interpersonal relationships. I don't really know. Tldr: Does anyone here understand how wars happen?	aspergers
A few days ago I was prescribed 50mg of sertraline to treat my OCD. Right now I’m taking 25mg for the next few days, so I’m kinda new to this. For the last few months before I even knew I had OCD I’ve had trouble sleeping at night (mainly falling asleep not staying) so I’ve been taking these natural melatonin gummies called zzzquil, I had my appointment with my doctor a few days ago and forgot to ask if it were okay to continue taking them on top of the sertraline. They did say though that if I continue to struggle sleeping then they will prescribe me something to help but until then I’d quite like to know if it’s safe to take both. I take sertraline in the morning and obviously I would take the melatonin gummies at night but I’m quite unsure at the moment so I guess my question is if anyone has any idea if this is okay to do or any experience with it?	OCD
I wasn't sure what to call this post because it's about trying to find a name for something I've always experienced and which isn't generally mentioned on sites about aspergers. I've realised that people I know who are my peers academically get through stuff a lot more quickly than I do, and probably don't need this sort of downtime, or at least nowhere near as much of it. If I make assertions about ability without specific evidence it's going to sound r/iamverysmart, and if I give the evidence it'll feel too identifiable. I have always needed to spend a lot of time staring into space, or staring at things I've read many times before, or at pieces of writing I have completed recently. I am middle aged and grew up before the internet, so this sort of thing was probably more normal for an only child before there was constantly available new info on topics I want to learn more about, before books could be acquired in seconds. And kids have a lot less to do than adults because they are not having to buy their own food, pay their bills, look after other people and so on. But that same behaviour, acquired at a time when time to be bored was a normal part of childhood, still feels essential to me now. If I stop letting myself do this for more than a few days, I feel very backed up and almost physically tired. If I make myself read stuff I should at these times, it doesn't feel like rest and the 'backed up' feeling returns. When I read the finding a few years ago that the autistic brain produces too much information, that deeply clicked with me, and I wonder if I maybe need this time to deal with that. Even if I am not researching a particular topic, and just dealing with normal life stuff, I still need to do this staring / brain rest time or whatever it is. It frustrates me that other people I know are reading more books, creating more, or learning more in time when I am leaning on radiators staring at walls and relaxing, or reading a straightforward social email for the fifth time or whatever. If this behaviour can be named, maybe I can find strategies for reducing it a little. (Though I'm old enough to realise I'm unlikely to totally eliminate it.) I have not had a professional assessment so far but I am organising one. I am surrounded almost entirely as friends and family by people with aspergers or who have obvious traits of it, though only a minority have formal diagnoses, including some relatives. Quite a few of these people, though not all, have high-powered jobs. I think I also have ADHD/ADD traits, but probably not enough for full-blown ADHD/ADD, though a family member suspects a lot of relatives have it.	aspergers
I stopped wishing for the days to get better a long time ago. Now all I wish every time before I eventually find my sleep is, that this was my last day	depression
Hello I have some psychological issues including some PTSD thanks to a bombing incident that I went through when I was a kid and my best childhood friend's family was kidnapping and murdering kids in addition to some more problems and I mostly can't talk about it with anyone because I'm an atheist and they kill atheists in my country .. so the main problem here is that I'm super suicidal for long time now and I honestly don't know what to do ..	ptsd
Hello. How do I live for myself and actually do something for myself instead of obsessing over my partner and accusing her of not spending too much time with me, even though she just started uni, has a bunch of assignments already, met new friends, one of which she is very close to, which makes me happy for her but also jealous beyond belief. How do I keep living?	ADHD
I grew up in an abusive household and found out about a new term that’s led me feel both validated but extremely disturbed Long story short my father was physically abusive towards my siblings, I got sever emotional abuse from step mom and sister. I grew up normalizing a lot of the abuse despite coming from a textbook abusive household Growing up my father was hyper affectionate towards me physically and verbally. It felt weird. He would hold me and talk to me the way a husband does towards a wife. I felt like he considered me something else besides a daughter. It makes me feel gross typing it out. I remember I had a best and supportive friend growing up (she’s still in my life :) ) and I remember telling her about it, I said that my father sometimes acted strange around me, she asked if it was sexual abuse I told her no but also told her he acts romantically towards me and she talked me through it. Now having said that, I know my father would never sexually abuse me, I know him and that’s just something I know he’s not capable of doing. But what happened made me feel SO weird growing up and I do think there was something was “not right” That’s essentially all there is to it. I just needed to get this out in a supportive environment, because I read about emotional incest and it brought up a lot of the trauma I dealt with growing up and I became really overwhelmed with emotion But does what I brought up sound at least somewhat incestuous? Because I feel like it caused a lot of dysfunction for me later on in life	ptsd
Anyone else have thoughts or "memories" but not sure if they actually happened? Like is this just something my brain is imagining?	ptsd
I am currently in a walk in clinic for suicidal desires.	ptsd
Hey everyone, title pretty much says it. I was having a discussion with my boss about challenges I'm having with my job since moving into it \~1 year ago (it was a promotion within the company). I've never disclosed and hate the idea of ADHD holding me back, but since taking this position I've had to go back on Adderall after not needing it for around 15 years. The new role is chaotic, with variables changing on a daily basis. I've worked so hard to build an organizational structure that can accommodate it, but with so many meetings requiring that I know everything discussed things haven't panned out quite like I'd hoped. Like many of you certainly are, I'm very self-conscious of my performance and am a perfectionist. I read too deeply into things and am overly critical as a result. In our conversation I mentioned that I struggle with ADHD, that the ever-changing variables are difficult for me to track and retain, and that I'm trying my best to perform at and exceed their expectations. I was able to excel in my last role because I was able to build strong routines. My boss sent this to the benefits and HR department, who have now sent me Reasonable Accommodations forms to fill out, with a 7-day deadline. These forms were not requested, and I did not ask for help, however they did this out of obligation to the business, which makes sense. I don't have any requests to make. My question to anyone that's been through this or has legal experience is this: Is there a legal implication in not requesting accommodation today? Am I obligated to request this now and, if I don't, can it be held against me? If you've gone through a similar experience, please share so I (and the rest of us here) have some context on how it went for you and what to possibly expect. Thank you!	ADHD
Have you ever had a three way that's turned into a two way ... And you are just sitting there watching it all happen . It gets to much so you walk out .... And have a cigarette or three ... Even when you don't smoke. You feel empty but also feel everything at the same time. It hurts and it's happening right now as we speak. I want to die	depression
I just wanna shut my eyes and never open them again. I don’t have anything left in me. I’ve tried and I’ve tried and it doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier. I’m fucking exhausted. No one would miss me, got no one I’d be leaving behind, guess I got really good at keeping people away. I don’t care anyway, learned to prefer it that way, I don’t give a shit about most people and the very few I did give a shit about are the reason I don’t want to give a shit ever again. People just complicate shit and I guess suicide’s no different so it’s probably good I’m on my own now, given what’s running through my head right now. I’m sick of fighting. Sick of being pissed off all the time cause of all the fucked up shit that keeps raining down on me while already I’m struggling to stand up as it is. Feels like someone dropped a giant weight on my shoulders as a kid and I’ve been having to haul it ever since while watching everyone around me get to walk around unburdened, not having to fight and fucking claw for every inch of ground they tread. I sick of carrying this shit. My body is scarred and burnt and my brain is so fucking tired all the time. I’m just sick of gritting my teeth through constant pain just to have more pain as the reward. I don’t see the fucking point. I’m sick of this life, sick of this world, sick of all the people. I’m tired and I want it to end now.	ptsd
ok so i have a problem with exam timing and splitting my time evenly, this mainly spans from not being able to replicate exam conditions for practice exams because my brain is way to stubborn and doesn't take practice seriously. In the proper exams I do however work about 100x faster than I do when practicing and I end up actually remembering most of my stuff which is much of a surprise to you as it is to me considering I can barely write an analytical sentence let alone a paragraph outside of exams. Its like there are several invisible switches and when I actually do exams those switches become visible and so I'm actually in control of what I'm writing and everything. However I still have a huge problem with splitting my time based on marks rather than quality and what we've been taught to structure and write. yknow how we have interest based nervous systems? well in exams I have more interest in quality which is a good thing for all times except EXAMS. That interest goes away when I don't have exams, reverting back to totally inept in retaining study material, agonising over everything very very slowly and extreme hyperfocus which can't be escaped (ended up writing an artist statement that was only 100 words for like four hours because I forgot it was due the upcoming midnight, completely separate to my exams that WERE THE NEXT MORNING) Basically if anyone knows how to trick their brain into exam conditions when doing practices please do share your tips. Also how does one stop the hyperfocus and inability to transition between tasks (aka questions) so that I can actually force myself to split up my time based on questions and marks. Tl:DR: I am in much need of strategies to replicate exam conditions, making sure I actually attempt all questions rather than hyperfocusing and not being able to transition to the next question and being able to trick your brain into exam conditions so that you can actually have some useful study and work faster.	ADHD
Man im just so low right now. Just doesnt feel like stuffs ever gonna go right. Its tough as shit. I mean, i know things get better, i know. I'm not always going to feel like this i know. But doesnt change how low i am right now. Its probably a million little things all mixed together. But, not progressing in my field, while watching so many i know making headway. Feeling stuck, feeling like a loser. Its hard as shit.	depression

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