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TL;DR a recently-diagnosed-31-year-old woman on stimulant medication, asking if not wanting to get up and start the day is ADHD, and if it is, how it will get better
Recently got diagnosed at 31. I'd always felt something was wrong with me, but thought it was chronic depression and laziness. I've been put on stimulant medication. I thought it would be like a miracle drug for me, but nope. I am almost the same as before. One thing I've noticed is now I can hold longer conversations with less pauses of thinking the appropriate thing to say, and trying less to focus.
House is a mess. SO is out of town. So with noone to keep me in check or do some of the chores, I haven't done anything. Not done the dishes once. Not cleaned or tidied the rooms. I just eat and oversleep.
I started grad school this semester. I was so happy I got accepted. And it is only the third week, but I can't even feel motivated enough to go to the classes in the morning. I've missed many classes and a couple of assignments, and I feel so guilty. I don't even know why I feel that way in the mornings. I do wake up, but I just don't want to get up and leave the house. Is this being overwhelmed? I don't even know. So I convince myself it is okay to not get up. (Morning me is extra unreliable.) Then because I feel so guilty, I sleep till past noon, and I don't attend afternoon classes, either. And it's not just the school or work, it happens on weekends as well. It is almost like I have a strong resolution to not start the day.
I wish taking my meds could cure this. Because when I don't do the one thing I was supposed to do in the morning, my whole day is a mess. Even if it is just waking up before noon and having breakfast. I don't do anything all day 'cause of guilt.
I need to see a therapist. But I just wanted to know, is this common? Is it temporary? Will it get better with old age or therapy or continuing taking my medication? Or do I have to convince myself to get up each day for the rest of my life? Or am I just lazy and this has nothing to do with ADHD?
(Thank God, occasionally, as a miracle, I do get up timely and do whatever I am supposed to do. (Except chores. Noone can make me do some chores in the morning) Just wishing it would happen most days, and not just once or twice every few weeks or months.)
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ADHD
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It was sudden. Immediately even. My dad is no longer alive. He's no longer here with me to help me get through my struggles. I miss him. I'm a cold, heartless person at 36 and he was always there to remind me that a father's love is persistent.
This morning I heard the noise that ended his life and I had no idea until hours later when my mother called. She was in a panic and asked if I was at his house still and I told her yes. She said that my father had passed away and I said, "WHAT??" She was told by his neighbor. He drove to her house to tell her. No one knew I was here.
He was in the yard. There were cops, a detective... I was awake in bed and remained there for hours after I heard the noise. I had no idea it was him.
His health had been suffering for years. He was finished living with it. I am so grateful that he accepted my apologies before this happened. I will undoubtedly process this day for a very long time.
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depression
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Is it common for people with aspergers to have had ticks? I used to wink my eye a lot when I was a child. I was reminded that I was doing it so as I help me realize it and stop. I realize, in retrospect, that I was doing it as a result of "stress" or stress/anxiety caused by overstimulation. I also did snifling and bending my neck to one side (usually simultaneously along with the blink of an eye).
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aspergers
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So, we all know hyperfocus can be REALLY exhausting. Sometimes to the point of a mental meltdown (at least for me). However, when the topic of interest is a "useful" one, it can be good also. That's how I learned English and (am learning) Japanese. Is there any way to at least direct the things I tend to hyperfocus on? I can't notice a pattern, but it seems that some people can choose what'll get them.
I mean, it's cool to be knowledgeable about mead and coffee beans but there are better things to spend my time on.
Does it make any sense? Thanks!
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aspergers
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i’ve been forced into job hunting and looking into potential uni degrees recently but…. nothing is interesting. if something is interesting, i *immediately* lose interest the following day. i’m not comfortable applying to any programs with this constant pattern, especially when most of the degrees are hyper-specific. it’s like up-and-down mood swings.
i’d really rather be lost drowning at sea, nothing is even remotely interesting enough to actually be forced at gunpoint into doing in real life, let alone doing *more than once.* or god forbid being STUCK with it
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ADHD
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I’m a 16 year old male who’s been dealing with some weird things for the past year or so (I don’t exactly know how long it’s been to be honest). I have a near constant obsession with writing down every thought I have because in my mind I should lose it or something. Idk. It sounds really stupid and that’s why I haven’t told anyone about it. It’s becoming quite annoying as I literally have this urge all the time and even when I’m talking to people I have to be writing something down on my phone to feel calm. I’m not sure if this is just like a fidgeting or something or if it’s ocd. This theme of having to archive everything can be seen elsewhere like when I’m on the internet and I feel like I need to save every post or screenshot everything as I think in my head that it has some sort of larger meaning to it that will give me a revelation of sorts. I do this aswell as some other things that the internet says are symptoms of ocd such as repetitive negative thoughts and thinking that I’m a bad guy or that I might hurt someone.
This is the first time I’ve told anyone about this and I’ve been feeling like I’m insane for it for a while now and almost like I should just get a grip and stop doing it. I’m also not sure if getting a diagnosis will fix anything or if this will just go away on its own once I’m in a better place mentally, less anxiety due to corona and starting high school. So what should I do about this?
Also sorry if this wasn’t that pleasant to read, im typing this out as fast as I can on my phone so I dont stop and overthink it and English isn’t my first language (I know people hate when people write that but yeah)
Thanks
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OCD
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I'm supposed to graduate college next semester and I feel like I'm fucked. I'm so sick of the rejection emails from internships. I'm graduating with a nearly useless degree and feel surrounded by my mistakes. I sit at home and play video games all day instead of something to be proud of. Last year I was actually getting through my depression, but it was out of spite from an ex more than anything. Now I feel like I'm stuck in limbo with how much screen time I have. I don't even know if I want the jobs I'm trying to get, I was just told it was a safer and smarter option and followed it.
I just feel so stuck and unmotivated to continue with school and with everything on this current path.
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depression
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Like, "yep still depressed."
What more is there to say? I always end up just saying I'm okay but I'm really not okay at all. Why do people even ask if they already know I'm depressed? It didn't go away within the last hour from when they asked how I'm doing the first time.
It feels almost condescending or like I'm expected to just get over it even though depression just doesn't work that way.
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depression
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I’ve been really thinking hard recently and I know that when my Nan passes away I’ll have nobody in this world who will need me so I’ll probably end my life not long after. I don’t want to be alive now but I’m still going to help her as much as I can.
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depression
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Hi all ~
My name's Brian and I had a really brutal accident that almost killed me at 17. June 12 was the 5 year anniversary. I'd been doing quite well, and have done a lot of work (therapy twice a week for 5 years does work) but I had a massive panic attack that day. Since then, so like 11 days now, I've been having MASSIVE retraumatization symptoms - a fear of death at every turn, a feeling like the world isn't real/time isn't real, a feeling like I have no purpose.
I go to work still every day but the mornings have been really hard, and three feelings wax and wane during the day. When I have nothing to do, it gets really really bad and I can even start to feel suicidal.
My therapist thinks the political climate/virus and the anniversary probably contributed to it. I am trying to get back to feeling safe and I think I'm getting better each day.
Are any of you also experiencing this? Is it worse due to the virus? Can you offer any coping strategies that might help? I've never had a retraumatization episode before so it's been really difficult. Thanks, and much love.
~B
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ptsd
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I think my brain is going into blank mode because it’s overwhelmed rn.
Ok I’m back. Anyways I’ve been really worried lately and very depressed and sad. Feeling a lot of despair and terror. Mostly cuz so much death has been around me these past couple years.
But also just getting older. I’m 27. I look around my family and I’m terrified that none of us are actually ok. Both parents are very successful and well know in the community but I still worry that just like I’ve been suffering alone with OCD, social anxiety and depression, they probably have as well. Though maybe not in the same way. I can just tell that so many people say they’re “ok” but in their eyes they are everything but that. It crushed me today thinking of our house and all of use just weeping despondently alone all with walls between us. Never embracing each other. Just picture how sad that is. Jesus. Anyways.
For myself I come in and out of these weird phases or points of view where I feel like a fraud with my mental illness and times when I’m literally despairing. I’ve had moments where I step back and realize that certain behaviors of mine aren’t normal. Like how I socially shut down in certain situations. Like I almost try to disappear. Like a wall comes up when certain things happen in social settings, one that I can never get over. Like how I spend an uncommon amount of time weeping in despair all by myself. Most of my emotional support comes from myself and also these types of posts tbh.
Getting back to socializing after a year inside helped some of this stuff become apparent. And I knew this was going to happen too. I won’t go into detail but some comments that I think were meant to be inclusive to socially awkward people like myself actually made me feel like a freak. One of my siblings friends talked about some dating technique but didn’t mention my name when he suggested that the guys try it out on their next date. Cuz he knows I haven’t so much as brushed past a female in like over half a decade. But stuff like being a 27 yo virgin living at home with no job is really trivial. Sad to say.
Back to my family. I’m worried about how stuck in our roles and ways we humans can get. It’s very very scary. I recently witnessed true suffering, my grandparent dying. Not just dying, worse. It seemed like every moment she was in unbearable pain. And I stayed nights there and tried to care for her. I worry they shouldn’t have been alive for so long. Physically must have been suffering for years and mentally? God knows. There’s other unspeakable tragedies that have happened in my family. I worry about how all this stuff has impacted me and who I am and what I’ll be. How it’s impacted my parents and there personality. I can see very clearly a dysfunctional cycle and history repeating itself. Sometimes I feel like the only one in the family that does see this kind of stuff, so I bear that burden. Of having to live that reality while everyone else lives in a different one, oblivious. It almost feels like insanity at times. Parallel realities. I feel like I carry a lot of unspoken burdens, many many related to my personality and ocd. I’m scared that my life will stay this way until the end if it all stays unspoken.
Got nothing else. I was crying my eyes out and had to talk but I’m done. Please reply if you want to and Thanks for reading this jumbled mess if you did.
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OCD
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I am constantly stressed because things don't stay the same. I wish I would know the outcome of every future situation, so I don't have to worry about anything again. I don't want a challenge in life. I want to be comfortable. I have been uncomfortable all my life long.
There are possible risks everywhere.
There is risk in how people might react to what I say. I can't read their mind though.
there is risk in getting a insufficient grade and having to do a resit, which leaves less time for the other subjects.
There is risk I can't say what I have to say because conversations expect me to answer directly. I often miss a lot that I actually should say, even if I prepare.
There is sometimes a risk I come late to a class because the train is delayed.
There is a risk that I don't estimate time correctly and I miss the train. (Even though I know I won't, I am still anxious about it.)
There is a risk that new people will find me weird. Or that I cannot communicate effectively with them.
In summer I don't ever want to go outside because of wasps.
I don't ever want to go on vacation/do something outside of the house because that also stresses me out.
And more..
I wish we could all use one perfect agreed upon communication medium that does not rely on instant response. Talking is a bad way of communicating for me. All other people seem to think that it is really the best way, but I just lose the big picture.
I also wish there would be no consequences of when some risks become truth, so I wouldn't have to worry:
So what that I have an insufficient grade? , just let me pass. I can always look stuff up later when I need it. I don't need to cram it now. I will forget anyway! I won't forget that the subjects exists though, so no problems. But schools don't understand this. The tests are unrealistic. They don't simulate the real world.
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aspergers
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I see my counsellor once every two months to try to get over my childhood trauma. Other than that I have tried talking to friends about it but its just not the same when nobody understands.
I want to find a community, some zoom meeting or whatever where people have an Anonymous meeting.
Some days this rift in my chest feels like its going to burst out…..
Please is anyone there, I can’t do this alone.
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ptsd
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Hi there I hope that you are doing ok!
I'm really not sure what drove me to reddit to write down how I'm feeling but I just felt like I had to. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD this year, but due to my financial situation and also with the state of the world (shortage of therapists and psychologists) I have not been able to get the treatment that I need.
Currently the only things keeping me alive are the fact that my mom would be sad if I died, my cats would most likely be sad too (I think), I'm also currently alive out of sheer curiosity to see if it actually gets better (it's only been declining for years) and also to consume media.
When I re-discovered my love for media consumption I felt a bit happy for a while, but in the end it is not reason enough to keep me here. I don't explicitly want to die right now, but I don't want to be alive either.
People say to surround yourself with people that keep you motivated and bring your best version of yourself, but it just makes me feel even worse. I've had a dream of mine taken away recently, I have always wanted to study abroad but what I did wasn't enough, and I also don't have the financial means to do an exchange outside of university.
Everyone around me has gotten opportunities that I have worked so hard for but never managed to achieve them, and so it pains me so much so whatever I do, it is never enough.
I also came to the recent conclusion that I don't know anything about myself, I am currently living for others and even if I have tried to get out of this mindset multiple times, it is not possible. I don't think that I'll try to end my life soon, but I have the really heavy weight on my chest again and I have no idea how to get rid of it.
It's getting too much again, and I've waited for it to get better for so, so long. And so, I want to ask, does it actually get better? I don't want people trying to be optimistic as that just gives me false hope, but I want realistic answers.
Best wishes and I hope that you have a good life.
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depression
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I had an accident about 3 months ago where I was on a bike and a car from the opposite side crashed on to me. I flew forward for about 6 foot forward, and landed on my right arm where I dislocated it and fractured it in the process. I've been slowly recovering since then but I couldnt really go to sleep well. At times when I do, I would wake up and feel the sharp pain in my shoulder. Its better now, but everytime now that I feel that sharp pain again I would be reminded of the accident.
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ptsd
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First off I would like to say that I shower/bathe every day. For some context, I’ve had a rough couple of days (adjusting to meds=insomnia/family problems) and after not sleeping for 48 hours and feeling like I couldn’t get a break I took the day off of work.
I didn’t want to shower. I kept putting it off ten more minutes since about 11am and it is now 3pm. I finally settled on a bath because I can sit in the tub and it’s just easier 🤷🏻♀️ even though I normally walk 10,000 steps a day. I really feel like a lazy POS. I want to understand why I don’t want to shower. As a kid with OCD I’d bathe multiple times a day and obsess about germs but today I considered not bathing. I’ve read others mention they dislike showering or put it off. Why do we do this?
And does anyone else deal with chronic fatigue? I have no energy. All coffee does is make me feel like I need to run while I sit at my desk. It’s like anxiety in a cup but I can handle it if I’ve had a decent breakfast. I read about someone taking caffeine pills and got some because when I get home at 5pm (I’d take them earlier) from work I crash from exhaustion and can’t enjoy the few hours of evening I have before going to bed and doing it all over again. That and I can’t get things done at home, like cleaning or laundry because I’m so tired. I take a nap almost daily after work. Does anyone relate to the chronic fatigue? I’m tired all the time. I can stay alert at work because I’m occupied but I’m drained by the end of eight hours. I’m just wondering if this is an adhd thing or if it might be another medical issue.
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ADHD
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I hope someone else relates to this. I think it's an ADHD thing. Me personally, if I've gone a long enough time not doing a simple task that I should've done, my brain overestimates the amount of difficulty the task will be. And I think about the task over and over. But I don't do it.
For example, I go to Whole Foods sometimes. And for WEEKS I wanted to buy a reusable bag, but didn't know how to go about it. Every time I got to checkout my brain went "Get it next time! You've already gone so long without one already". I have no idea why.
But today, at Whole Foods, I got a burst of motivation. When the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag, I said "actually could I buy a reusable one?" and she just said sure. It was SO EASY. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO DO THIS.
Does anyone else relate? Not being able to do a simple task because you keep talking yourself out of it or brushing it off? And any tips on how to overcome this?
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ADHD
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For those who use Spoon Theory as a shorthand, it is a 3-spoon sorta day for me. I had a restless night and I ended up waking up and having a mini panic attack that slipped into a flashback. I don't remember much but I know that it happened because there is a tightness in my chest that won't go away and every thirty minutes or so, I start crying.
I left my journal at home, I'm going to need to write down all of my physical symptoms later for my therapist.
Just have to get through the day.
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ptsd
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Hello friends! I'm having a very hard time getting in with a doctor in my new area. My doctor in my old city was wonderful and provided me with 3 prescriptions to carry me through the process of finding a new doctor. I only recently got insurance since it takes 3 months of working to qualify for benefits at my job. But now that I'm looking I can't get in with any doctors. I almost got in to one place but when I asked about ADHD treatment they flat out refused me... I'm really tired of being treated like a criminal because I have the audacity to want to be a functioning human.. Does anyone have any tips? I wanted to get in with a basic Dr since it's cheaper. I'm open to a psychiatrist though. The only problem is that I need medicine in the next week or so. Everywhere here is booked till December. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have experience with getting meds through walk-in clinics? Thanks in advance!!
Edit: Just wanted to add I'm in the Asheville, NC area if anyone had any location specific experience/tips.
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ADHD
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My therapist requested, or told me to do labyrinths, she said it would help me get organised better in life. Now, I don't know how usefull it is going to be but i am willing to try. Not real life mazes, but a maze on a paper.
The only problem is where the hell do I find labyrinths?
Anyone know where I can find those?
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ADHD
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So Everytime I end up daydreaming about different things like being a star or politician my intrusive thoughts take over the daydream and it all goes off the tracks with me doing some heinous crime or ending up in jail.
It causes me anxiety and fear. Does that happen with people with ocd?
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OCD
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Hey everyone,so i figured I would post on here and maybe some others can understand what i am going through and if anyone has any tips to help with this. I have been dealing with OCD for about 14 years and I am now 32 (male).It started off with me not being able to go to bed on the number 6, if I have a bad thought when i turn the light off I was afraid it would come true, and I'm sure i have had a few more compulsions just can't remember them off the top of my head. At this time i started to have bad hypochondria right after my sister got diagnosed with diabetes and my grandfather passed away from cancer. i started to dwell on my symptoms googling any symptom i would have. I would check my lymph nodes thinking they were swollen I would be paranoid to go to the doc yearly for bloodwork thinking i would get bad news, I would ask girls in the past if they had any STD's over and over again. I was paranoid that I have or will have cancer. These thoughts took over my life and i decided to get some help. Therapy helped a bit but fast forward post pandemic. I was living in NYC at the beginning of the pandemic and all the way up to this past march. I noticed my anxiety has taken over my life and i feel bad because it's hard for my fiance to understand what i am going through she tries her best but she just doesn't understand. My anxiety has come back with full force just as bad as it was prior. I think i have some sort of cancer now which really done me in was when i went for a yearly check up to a dermatologist. He found a suspicious mole in my inner thigh(no sun ever) and said that we should remove it and get it biopsied .I had a nervous breakdown in the doc office thinking i got skin cancer now and that im dead. The doc said that i shouldn't lose sleep over it and i am due to get it removed on the 21. Since then i have been withdrawn, freaking out, spending my money like no other just because i think i am doing. I don't want to take meds because i feel like meds don't solve the issue so i think i might try CBD. I decided to start trying to see someone hoping that it helps but idk how to get these thoughts out of my head. Any help and advice would be great from anyone who has dealt with this. And if you did over come this please share how you did it.
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OCD
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For context, I’m 31 (she/her, not DX’d in any official capacity but high scores on internet screenings), I live with my sister, who has been under a similar level of stress at work so I wanted to do something nice for both of us (now that I’m finally earning money, and not living check-to-check like I had been my whole life.) So I booked a mani-pedi for both of us with a wash&cut and eyebrow shaping for me at a salon nearby.
We walked in and the nail artist had us both sit down in the massage chairs and soak in the little foot jacuzzis they have. I had a guy do my toes, which I was uncomfortable with for other reasons, but he was also a bit creepy - he intentionally tickled my foot and laughed. I did not appreciate that.
While he was still working on the pedicure, a lady walked up and asked to start on my hands. I had to ask her to repeat herself (I have trouble understanding certain accents, particularly through a mask) but I kind of figured out what she said and replied, “Okay.” I started feeling overstimulated (and a bit nauseous) by having two people doing different things at once and found it difficult to communicate or basically cooperate with however they needed me to move my hands. Also, the woman doing my hands cut one cuticle so bad that it’s still bleeding a bit.
Since they’d done all my nails concurrently, they had me move to the front entryway. I was just left alone, waiting. My sister must’ve brought it to their attention because her nail technician yelled across the room the room to ask if I still wanted the wash and cut or the eyebrow shaping I’d asked for. At that point, I felt so “stuck” and generally that I have no right or reason to ask for what I want, despite my willingness and ability to pay for premium service. I just felt like with the problems we’d already had in communication and my own comfort level, I wouldn’t have been able to vocalize effectively OR walk out with a desirable result, so I canceled the rest and we left
My sister apologized on their behalf, in a, “I’m sorry you weren’t able to get everything you wanted after treating both of us” kind of way, and bought lunch to make it up to me, but I honestly can’t tell if I’m more disappointed in the *service* or in *myself*.
If anyone can relate, I could use some validation here.
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aspergers
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My trauma doesn’t even include the police, or even the kind of violence that we’re seeing committed on the streets of the US right now. I experienced violence, sure, but not to the extent of what I’m seeing every day on reddit.
Nevertheless I’m feeling really terrible lately. Every time I see a video of an officer hurting someone, whether it’s a woman or man or how young or old the victim is, I feel hopeless. It triggers me.
It makes me so fucking angry to see people beaten down. It brings me back to my own trauma but it also lights a fucking fire in me, where I get so angry I can’t breathe. Does anyone else feel this way? Whenever I’m triggered it tends to manifest in anger, but also a really deep sadness. And I feel that right now, I feel really deeply sad for what so many people have to go through and the fact that they aren’t being taken seriously.
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ptsd
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Why are my intrusive thoughts of self-harm/suicide so much worse when I’m stressed or depressed? It makes me worry because it causes me to question if they’re just OCD or not. If they were random intrusive thoughts why would I be having them when I’m struggling emotionally?
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OCD
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https://youtu.be/nevux3SEz_Y
Gawd hope this worked. I love these sketches from about 8 years ago. The ones with Zack and Bryan Cranston especially.
Having a day off from life and got back into them on youtube when it dawned on me. Holy absurdity that is how my head is. This comedy sketch is my head. Anyone relate? Please don't let me be the only one I beg of you all.!💕
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ADHD
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Long story short, I let someone I loved very much go because, due to history, whenever I open up about depression, things go downhill. We both had a lot going on and I told her I'd rather not add on. Plus she has a kid and I was honest when I told her I dont know if I'll ever be ready to be a step father nor I cant guarantee I won't hurt her. Not physically but emotionally. I told her I was very broken, a work in progress, but broken.
I didn't want to hurt her if we get into a relationship. Even though she said she accepts everything I said prior when we had this conversation the first time and reiterated it again last night, I just told her in short that im no good to her and didn't want her to miss out something that was meant for her.
I ended up breaking my own heart as well as hers and I just hate depression. Now I feel like I'm in this haze of uncertainty and darkness. I miss her badly but I had to let her go. I know I probably sound like a wreck or some sort of cry baby...but everything is just hard right now.
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depression
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Looking back I’m TOTALLY embarrassed about how I’ve behaved in the past. Nearly 10 years ago I was an obsessive fan of a singer. She was mire like a local singer and I would CONSTANTLY be annoying on social media talking to her. My former partner told me that the person years ago I guess called me crazy. He (partner) doesn’t believe it but I admitted I WAS obsessive but it’s still embarrassing to hear even years later. I remember apologizing to her years ago for being so annoying. I remember even Looking up her phone number and called but didn’t say anything. Idk why I even wanted to call. I certainly didn’t want to talk ! Does anyone ever look back at past behavior and question WHY you did it ?
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OCD
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I am constantly catching myself feeling bad for people I shouldn’t feel bad for and feeling bad in situations in which I shouldn’t. For example me and my sis and dad just went to Wendy’s and my dad forgot to order my sisters drink but I felt bad for her so I gave her mine. But then I started to feel bad for my dad because my head was like “omg dads so sad that you gave your special drink to Gianna” “he’s so sad now” and like I’m like wtf that’s so stupid. I did a nice thing and if I didn’t give her the drink I would’ve felt bad and if I did give her the drink I feel bad for my dad. WTF BRAIN. THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THIS LOOP OF ANXIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OCD
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i really don't think that life is worth living in any way. the world is awfully cruel and it offers you nothing.
all i am, all i have ever been, and all i will ever be is a failure. people keep doing bad things to me. no matter how hard i try i just end up failing.
the nhs won't help, neither will my family. nobody. life is the most painful thing i've ever experienced and i just want out. there's nothing good here and nobody wants me.
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depression
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Everything is so lifeless. Idk how to put it into words. Substance abuse saving me rn. When I wake up I’ll feel better probably. I just want to leave. I’m so tired.
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depression
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It's gotten to the point where I want to find a way out. For some reason, when I debate/argue with someone, I get to into it and come off as a prick even though I'm not trying to. It's like a switch goes off in my head and I'm suddenly in a race to win the argument and I just cannot let it go. It being anything from arguing over a definition in music to geopolitics.
I apparently come off as more aggressive than I'm trying to be. In my head, it's all very normal but that's not what it seems like to people I'm arguing with. I used to be good at debate competitions in college but I'm genuinely afraid for how my need to win arguments and method of arguing may affect my friendships and at some point, a relationship with I get into one.
I really do mean well but I'm so scared of messing everything up and giving people the wrong impression of me because of how I argue. I've for the longest time when to run far away and have a fresh go at it but I'm scared I'll mess everything up for myself and make myself even more lonely if I don't figure out how to get this under control. There's being able to stand up for yourself, then there's me. I don't like me very much right now.
Have any of y'all had any experiences like this or can relate to this whole thing? How have you gotten past it / do you have any advice for me on how to get past this?
I had an argument with my best friend not too long ago and I'm so distressed right now.
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ADHD
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I suffer from OCD, Anxiety and Depression. One of the huge reliefs in my life is video gaming. It allows me to escape the world and get some relief from anxiety and fears. It has always been something to bring me comfort during rough times. I have rituals based around gaming mostly involving the fear of loss of progress and saving. Its time consuming to turn a game off with the rituals but I don't want to give up on something I love.
I'm big into RPGs (role playing games) such as Pokémon and Final Fantasy. Though these can trigger anxiety with inventory management and the feeling of doing everything in the game. I Lately have been having a lot of issues with mobile games. I for years played a mobile game that involved the Gacha system but have never spent money. Back in June of 2020 I got back into Pokemon Go. I played it when it first launched but it got stale for me.
My main issue right now with it is that I feel obligated to play it everyday. I also in the past two months gotten into the PVP (Player Versus Player) scene. which brings a bunch of stress in itself but I cant stop. I need to keep going and doing this "battling". I get this high feeling of stress in my chest when I think about it or when I am about to play it. My nerves get so bad that I'm shaking after playing a few matches. It ruins my day even if I attempt to try to skip it. I spend hours a day thinking about it and putting together teams in my mind or looking online for different strategies. I'm right now in a struggle with my anxiety and completionism feelings.
I don't want to give up on Pokémon GO but I need to find a way to stop battling or find a way to do it and not be so stressed. My wife is supportive and sees how its causing more stress in my life. I keep telling her I will stop doing it but that hasn't happened. I am also embarrassed to talk to my therapist about it or I'm in some deep denial.
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I don't know if this really deserves a thread but is there any advice or help that can be given to stop my obsessing on it?
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OCD
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It's embarrassing being me. 26 bipolar, lonely and virgin. My life is such an humiliation, constantly 24/7 pain in my mind. Confused cause of the meds, suicidal thoughts and depression in the late night. I'm so hopeless man. I think 2022 is going to be my last year
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depression
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So well I got off duloxetin again and now I'm back on wellbutrin. I feel more alive on wellbutrin. The thing is I think about medicaitons obsessively. Constant thinking of "look, now you quit duloxetin and got on wellbutrin but XYZ will happen" I constantly think about how I should taper and so on. %90 of my time passes with these pill obsessions. Always fearing rebounding. Anyone feel the same?
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OCD
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(TW: mentions of su1cide) I have a memory of going to someone's tiktok profile and seeing the aftermath of somebody sh00ting himself. It's very distorted but either way I'm fucking terrified. What if I actually saw it? I remember telling my sister afterwards that it's sick how ppl put videos like that as their profile video. I've also seen a picture before he sh0t himself but it was posted so ppl would avoid seeing it since ppl would post it online to scared others. I also remember my friend saying he saw it but I told him not to show it to me. Now I'm not sure what really happened but I keep crying about it and can't concentrate on my schoolwork anymore. I'm scared to tell anyone. I don't know what to do.
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OCD
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Tl;dr - How can I deal with snack/caffeine cravings when my meds wear off at night?
I'm working with my doctor, trying different meds. I was on Bupropion for a number of years, but lately it just sort of stopped working as well. I tried Strattera a few years ago, and it didn't really work. More recently, I tried Ritalin (did nothing) and Adderall (did a bit, but not much). Now I'm trying Vyvanse 60 mg and it actually seems to be working.
I don't know what the "surge of productivity" is supposed to feel like. That said, my brain will start to head down the well-worn paths and I can almost physically feel my executive function kicking in. I think, "I want to play video games," but then my brain goes, "No, I need to do the dishes," and bam, I want to do the dishes and go do them. I get that feeling of satisfaction from having done something. I take the last piece of candy from the bag and think about throwing the bag away. My brain is like, "Nope. Nope. Nopenopenopenope." Then, my executive function says, "Actually, it's not that hard to ball it up and throw it in the garbage can. You're walking past it anyway." I go and throw my garbage away.
I would drink caffeinated beverages, pretty consistently, throughout the day. I hate the taste of coffee, so it's been tea and soda throughout my life (like, several liters a day). I tried going without, cold turkey, and I couldn't function at all. I also have tended to snack a lot. Packet of saltines? Gone in one sitting. Can of olives? Gone in one sitting. I can make a box of triscuits or a family sized bag of chips stretch to two or three snack times. Cheese doesn't stand a chance.
Since starting my current meds, those cravings have, pretty much, disappeared. If I go the whole day without getting something sugary and caffeinated, it's okay. I actually drink water, now. I don't snack at all. I've lost weight. It's great.
Around 6:30 to 8 pm, my meds start to wear off. It's fine - I try to do most of what I need to do during the day and just collapse into video games at night. Getting off the phone to help get my kid ready for bed is a struggle, but I'm getting it done. However, my "don't drink caffeine" streak ends. I start guzzling the sugary drinks. I make myself a huge plate of nachos, even though I definitely had enough for dinner. Is this just something that I'm going to have to live with? Are there some good strategies, out there, for dealing with this? I'd like to, at least, cut out the caffeine (mostly because of the sugar that comes with it).
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ADHD
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so i made a bumble thingy, i was only on there for friends and stuff, but i realized i kinda was open to dating aswell, so i remade my profile for the third time, and made it so i was on the date part, mostly on there to find people to chat and play video games with, not really interested in anything to serious, and i don't really want to meet up.
anyway i also made a grindr for the same purpose, but that part was alittle toxic, cause i need to block almost everyone who way to old, cause i find it abit uncomfortable.
anyway i made an aqquantice on both, one left me on read, which is fine.
anyway i matched on bumble with someone who has the same name as one of my cousins, which led to intrusive thoughts about the thinking its weird.
i kinda pushed it aside cause i wasnt looking for anything serious anyway, mostly friendship.
anyway fast forward to later, like 9ish hours. we kinda stopped talking(messaging) for now, we didn't really talk much anyway, really just the basics about tv shows, and video games, and stuff.
anyway after we were done talking, i decided to read fanfic, which led to me reading smut, which led to me reading topics that i didn't want to read.
i read one where they aged a character up, which i feel guilty about. i also read one with slight incest, which i didn't want to read either. then it led to intrusive thoughts about my brother, which i have unresovled and repressed trauma cause of him, which makes me feel anxious around him, which also fuels some of the thoughts in my opinion.
not interested in any family members, i just need to calm my mind and remember that it was all fictional writing, and it had noting to do with me.
i need some advice cause in all honesty, i feel numb, and damaged, and i cant talk to a therapist, cause im supposed to get evaluated next monday then get a therapy appointment.
what do i do?
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OCD
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What if it’s not POCD and I’m lying to myself and my therapist. I got an erection and I’m scared it might be because of that. My brain tells me “what if it you like those thoughts?” I get scared, I don’t know myself anymoreS it’s so terrifying I hate these thoughts, but they feel so real. I get scared because I read about paedophiles who get anxious becasue of their thoughts. I get calm because I read that it’s mostly because they can’t be with what they want to do, and then my brain shifts to “what if that’s the reason you’re anxious?” And I get scared. Is this even OCD anymore, I’m terrified. My therapist told me it’s OCD but what if I’m lying. Is the erection a groinal response or is that not the case. I’m scared please I need help. I find these thoughts repulsive, but I don’t know myself anymore. I don’t trust myself, I don’t want to be near children in any way shape or form.
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OCD
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So I had been looking around for a sugar daddy and desperately needed money, there was this one nice gentleman who said that nothing had to be sexual. After weeks of chatting he invited me to meet up with him in a local area and I agreed to after my newest job interview. My boyfriend, of whom I live with, didn't know I was meeting up with him and although he knew I was searching, he had no clue I had found one. I honestly didn't think it was necessary to inform him. I went to meet with SD and he groped me and felt me up, and at one point he had kissed me. All of this is never said no, not because I enjoyed it, but because I needed money and I didn't know what the man would do if he got upset with me. So eventually I left after a long conversation and went back to the apartment. BF noticed I wasn't myself so I told him it was because I was gone super long and he didn't even notice because of his video game. He said he was worried but didn't want to notify his family (who he was playing with) of his worry. Eventually he asked, what did take so long. I told him I met with an SD, talked, got some money and left. BF asked if SD touched me, I said yes, on my side, shoulder, and thigh. I contacted my therapist last night, hours after the event because my body felt painful and numb and I couldn't tell if it was real or not. Chills ran don my spine like SD was there waiting to pounce and I still felt his hands on me. Therapist told me to go to the ER, and I did, they tested me and everything and eventually asked if I wanted to go home or stay the night and see a counselor in the morning. I said I wanted to go home because BF was waiting in the parking lot (they wouldn't let him in bc COVID19) and I knew it would be a higher hospital bill on my parents (who still don't know anything). Today I just revealed to BF that SD also kissed me, and groped me on my chest. I was scared to tell BF because of violent threats towards SD and I don't know what SD was capable of either. I feel like this is all my fault because I arranged it and never said no, I told him it was fine to continue. It wasn't I explained the situation to SD and blocked him afterwards. I don't know what to do. My therapist won't respond and my parents have been manipulative/ emotionally abusive all my life, they'd blame it on me too. I apologized to BF but I still feel like utter shit. Where do I go? What do I do?
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ptsd
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Memories without emotions attached become wisdom. I have such a hard time separating the emotions out of it. I work so hard trying to logic my way to being wiser , but it would all be so much easier if I could control my emotions. It has been the biggest challenge of my life.
I'll wake up tomorrow and try to do better.
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aspergers
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well, i'm finally graduating high school. kinda scary honestly? i got admitted to an engineering school i didn't think i'd like but now i'm actually kinda in love with it and i can't wait to go there. i made some friends on a discord server for my year, and now i have a semi-tight-knit group of friends to talk to, and we're planning on dorming near each other and doing some fun stuff (i'm looking forward to that). for the first time in my life it feels like i'm actively being included in social activities and that people aren't compelled to spend time with me when they don't want to. it feels so nice, and i'm looking forward to going to campus!
that being said, i'm still really, really scared. i've been so behind on social ability that i never really got around to learning actual life skills. my dad's particularly freaking me out about not being able to take care of myself - and i dont' think he's wrong? sometimes i get so caught up in what i'm doing that i don't eat until 1 AM when someone reminds me on discord, i can't consistently wake up on my own, etc. etc. and i'm graduating in a week and turning 18 in 2 months?? it kinda feels like it's time for me to grow up, or that i'm already expected to have grown up even if i'm not... actually grown up? it's a weird feeling
i guess what i'm most worried about is dealing with HFA/aspergers - up until now, i didn't really have proper accommodations or support given to deal with it. i'm still largely an enigma to myself - i'm not sure what to hold myself acocuntable for, what it's okay for me to struggle with, what everyone struggles with, what things i need to look out for, how to inhibit certain responses and behaviors, what's expected of me in various social environments, so on and so forth. i've been getting by pretty well ~~by being a lonely piece of shit~~ by interpolating the "common" social responses and just working my way from there? I guess what i'm trying to say is that I'm not sure if I'm ready or not to deal with the world on my own, outside of the bubble that was my bedroom and robotics. Hell, I'm not sure if I'm ready to deal with *myself.* any advice for the next 4 years/the life ahead of me?
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aspergers
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Me, for example, I was agnostic my whole life until now that I'm 20. Now, I think I'm starting to believe in a higher being. I don't think it's accurately portrayed by any religion, so I just imagine how it is, but I do use the christian ideas to help me imagine it, normal since I was raised in a christian family.
Oh, and the aesthetics of christianism are beautiful and makes me fill full and peaceful within.
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aspergers
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I lowkey expected it but it really hurts. I’m supposed to study for my exams next week but I truly lack of motivation/will/strength and idk how it’ll go. It feels like the only energy I have is carrying on with my compulsions
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OCD
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whenever I feel a bit stressed I always repeat a small part of a song in my head, it can be something I listen to everyday, it can be a song I listened to once two years ago, it can even be songs I made up. I just wanted to know if that’s considered stimming
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aspergers
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Hey, just looking to see if anyone else experiences this, and honestly I just want to get the words out of my brain because I dont have anyone I can really talk to.
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the reflection is of someone else. it's always either my father or another specific person who I dont have a word for. but it isnt like I just straight up see them, it's like my face is turning into theirs. I look in the mirror and I know it's me but I see his features instead of mine. his eyes, his lips, his jaw. none of it is mine. it isnt every time but it happens pretty often, and sometimes I just get stuck staring at the mirror looking for myself but all I see is them. it's like my head is just screaming that they're still here and they're part of me and I can never get away. it's been rough lately :(
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ptsd
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My main OCD compulsion is that of avoidance. If I begin to associate something with my fear, say if I’m worried I have COVID and I notice myself coughing more while wearing a certain pair of pants, suddenly I have to avoid those pants at all costs less I eventually get COVID. Is this common for people with OCD?
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OCD
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I have CPTSD and for a long time I was able to forget decades of my life, like someone tore out the chapters of a book. I'm 27 and been in therapy for about a year now (been in therapy before but first time I'm doing it for myself and my PTSD).
My therapist told me it's common. Bits and pieces are coming back, which is mostly traumatic memories so far. I'm not sure if I should accept that some memories won't come back or how I even go about just *accepting* that.
I can't remember most of my childhood and it's frustrating because I can't rely on my family to fill in gaps. Frankly, I don't even want to discuss anything with them anymore. I don't think I was a happy kid growing up. Maybe it's because most of the years after were filled with trauma and pain, but I still just want to remember at least some of my childhood.
Tldr: I'm trying to cope/deal with massive memory gaps. Should I try to dig or just wait for it to come back? Are you able to accept that it may not come back?
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ptsd
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ive had depression for many years. i (F21) have seen it manifest itself in different ways. the type of depression i am currently experiencing is so different from anything else. i cannot move. i cannot shower. i cannot get dressed. i cannot leave the house. i feel like my bed is one side of the magnet, and i am the other- like there is a force of extreme despair holding me down.
i got married in April and it’s been really hard. we are getting separated this month. we were supposed to get separated after the semester ends but my dad just passed away so i dropped out of the semester because i just couldn’t handle school. my life is crumbling and the way im dealing with it is by sleeping all day and sitting in bed on my phone all night. i wish i could explain to my husband, my mom, my mentors, that contrary to their thinking: I do not want to live like this. I am not intentionally being lazy. i am so absolutely taken by despair that i put off living because there seems to be no point. i am not seeking judgment. but what i seek is an ear of empathy.
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depression
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I just need some tips or nice words please. I feel like I absolutely need to wash my hands 4 times in a row. I’m supposed to wash my hands 12 times/day for therapy but I’ve already reached 20 and the day isn’t over at all...please what should I do? Nothing helps and I struggle to resist the urges
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OCD
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Does there seen to be a hole that is never filled in you? No matter how much money, love, care, happiness, sadness, anger, pain, and lonely you have your heart just always seems to be missing something? I'm lucky for what I have in life but this hole is always black and empty
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depression
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Ok, so I've never written any of this out before. I guess if I had to pick any trigger warning, I would say this will include talk about potentially catastrophic events involving potential deaths or severe injuries as well as descriptions of loud traumatic noises and panic attack.
So my last job involved being prepared for a Bad Day. It first involved months of vetting and then many more months of waiting, all while knowing my job was going to be very important. The training kicked off with being told some very sensitive information. Basically, it was the point of no return. Once you knew, you could never unknow. Then you learned about, studied and trained to this new information for months. It involved rapid response drills, loud sirens, ringing bells, flashing lights, and shouting. These drills were sometimes planned, but often a complete surprise. It could be while you were sleeping, taking a shower, or eating. Didn't matter, you had to respond as fast as you could.
Then once the training was done, you had to do this kind of work for a few weeks a month, for YEARS. I did it longer than many for almost 5 years with steady shifts. Constantly on edge, constantly ready to act. All that time, you're away from your family. You're on shift where you eat, sleep, and exercise and cannot leave until your replacement shows up. Could be a few days, could be scheduled for over a week. Bells, sirens and lights and shouting and running. You could go a whole shift and never have one event. You could have 3 drills in 1 day!
But what makes it worse is this was all for training and practicing for a Bad Day. This Bad Day for this job is the Bad Day to end all bad days. For many, there wouldn't be any more days after that if it ever came to pass. At first, I thought it was an exciting, awesome job with an incredible amount of responsibility and pride in that responsibility. Then I met the love of my life. Then we got married. Then we had a kid. Then, I started getting terrible sleep at work. I started to constantly go out of my way to figure out when the surprise events would be. Never used to care all that much. Soon, I went from falling asleep anywhere in 5 minutes like normal, to staring at the bell on my wall in my room. It started to feel like any second it was going to overload all of my senses with noise. (Just thinking about the bell, just by itself is setting me off).
I was then finding ways hide where I slept so I'd be aware from bells, or I would sleep where I was supposed to respond to, with headphones and eyemask. Anything to convince myself I wouldn't be ripped out of my sleep by all the noise. Somehow trying to pretend any of that was going to make a difference.
I didn't know how bad it was affecting me until my wife was asking me if I was ok in a store one time, because a photo booth's constant flashes were starting to trigger me. School bells on tv shows would make me freeze. Fire truck sirens would make my head whip around looking for the noise like it was an intruder or something. Finally, all this pretending I was fine and suppressed anxiety culminated in me having a full blown panic attack at a 4th of July party at a friends. I remember being fine, then nothing, then crying hysterically, then nothing, then being on our walk home but somewhat calmer and holding my wife's hand like I was a toddler. She said I was crying and screaming about the end of the world.
I then told my doctor what was happening and instantly was referred to a behavior health specialist. I was already close to end of my planned stint with where I worked, so this visit just started an early exit from my stressful duties. They tell you at the end that you can no longer "know" what you were trained for anymore, but like I said, you can't unknow it. But it's also stuff I cannot directly tell people about, so it makes it hard to talk through what I'm experiencing sometimes.
It's been almost a year since I stopped working those shifts, and I still get anxiety attacks about once a month out of nowhere. I have nightmares regularly about what we trained for, or failing at my tasks, or being totally helpless on the Bad Day. The last one was the first one my toddler was in. The same noises, while not as often and not as intense, trigger me. I get on edge, testy, grumpy almost, but they almost always involve me not realizing whats happening at first, I just sort of freeze like a deer in headlights. My wife is much more knowledgeable about what I'm dealing with now and is great at giving me space as needed and recognizing what's happening.
I think if I had let it all go on longer without seeking help, I might have started down the path of really dark thoughts. Luckily, the professionals that I got to work with were amazing, and as soon as COVIDs over I cannot wait to go see someone in person again. (Virtual is just not the same).
If you read all of this, thank you. If it helps anyone, great. Only like 3 people on the planet have ever heard this, and I needed to get it out of me.
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ptsd
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Just have a few questions about what kind of school schedule would have best suited how your ADHD expresses itself. Let’s say you could choose any type of school schedule, what would it be like? For example, only attending full days, some days of the week? Or how about shortened days, but go every day? How long would you want to go for the days you would go? Early start? Late start? What kind of school schedule do you absolutely hate or love? Would a modified schedule helped you from becoming too overwhelmed so you could attend more frequently? What subjects (optional or academic) just added to the chaos in your head and you wish you could have just skipped altogether? Did your need for a different schedule change depending on if you were medicated or not? Answer any or all of the questions- I appreciate every response. Thank you, from a mom who has to decide these sorts of things for her child before tomorrow before the school decides for me.
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ADHD
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I'm a freshman in college who got diagnosed just barely before my first semester started. My psychiatrist told me that I likely did not need medication and I probably wouldn't qualify for school accommodations and even though I disagreed, I didn't protest.
Currently in the middle of the semester and I have so many missing assignments that I just cannot get through. I want to explain to my professors that my ADHD has been preventing me from turning my work in on time but I feel like it will sound like an excuse especially considering that I don't have any accommodations or a disability registered with the school. I've been having some other issues as well (currently miserable at the school I'm at now lol) but I want to be transparent so it doesn't seem like I'm slacking. How should I do this?
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ADHD
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I’ve become more and more convinced that ERP is a compulsion. The only reason you do ERP is in hopes of getting rid of these negative thoughts. Which is what a compulsion is. What are your guys thoughts on this?
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OCD
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So, I've never had a steady paycheck until lately and I need help for ways to "hide" my money from myself or else I'll spend it lol
Like, I have a hard time remembering, when I spend, how much I have. And how much I actually *do* spend. When I have less money, I budget better though (sort've like "last minute before it's due" ADHD brain).
So my idea is to have some of my paycheck set aside (like 50% of it), outside of easy reach, so I'm both not able to spend it *and* my shitty object permanence lets me forget I have a savings pool.
My idea to execute this is to give it to my partner. I understand this might sound like a bad idea for me getting taken advantage of, I'm very aware of how bad it sounds. Heck, even he's worried about having the control. But he's honest to a fault, and he wouldn't spend it. It's hard to sum up 13-14 years of being together, but I know him.
I don't know...what else I could do? Because alt bank accounts are easy for me to just transfer from. With my partner it's a few more steps.
If anyone has ideas or tips please let me know! ❤️
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ADHD
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Hi! I’ve had ADHD diagnosis for 2 years. I’m in ups and downs all the time with medication, my prescription of concerta was modified a lot of times. Now I’m taking 54 mg XL but my psychiatric wants to try something new, the prescribe me bupropion (wellbutrin), this because I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that doesn’t let me to focus properly. For being honest I’m a little bit scared about new med. so I wanna know about your experiences with brupopion
fact: I’m med student, I’m struggling all time with focus in long time study sessions, and always fail, I end with an awful headache And get upset about myself
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ADHD
|
I have battled with depression and anxiety since I was around 13, I am now 17. I was oblivious to my anxiousness as I didn't understand it but ive been aware of my depression since I was very young. I am the eldest sibling and have 4 half brothers and 1 half sister (2 half brothers on my fathers side,2 half brothers and half sister on mothers side) due to me only having half siblings I view them as all I have really. I was very young when my parents split up so its never really affected me in that sense, however I would always spend weekends at my dad as well as one of my brothers would his name was Bailey he's the closest sibling to my age so we would do everything together like literally everything. lmao im getting emotional already.. we spent a good few years like this until there was a family issue between my father and my brothers mum, for whatever reason they had split up and now my dad and I cannot see my little brother. this affected me massively but I kept it to myself because I didn't want to upset my dad as he could not see him either. I've been more open about these problems to my mum as I live with her so I did eventually tell her how I miss being in contact with them and could we see them. so my mother got in contact we met once or twice and then it went to shit again for what reason I don't know. I reached out to Bailey around 9 months ago and we spoke, it took me ages to find his Instagram as his mum changed his surname we shared to her own... in the brief convo he eventually said "I thought you had forgot me" and I said "your my brother and I would never forget you" it made me feel relieved that he knew who I was and hadn't forgot me and that we was thinking the same thing about each other. around 5 months go by and my dad calls me crying insisting to speak to my mum. I knew something was wrong as my dad would never ever do this. my mum and dad spoke for a couple minutes and partly my instinct but I thought id assume for the worse so I could hope to get a better answer so I asked my mum "what's happened to Bailey? is Bailey dead" it turns out he had died, at the time I didn't know how and was only trying to figure out how. couple mins later I over hear on the phone call how my little brother had hung himself. its months later and I think about him everyday I miss him so much I wish I said more to him in our small conversation for whatever reason he had blocked me on instagram im not sure when but I believe and truly hope this is because he told his mum that we spoke and his mother didn't want him to get close with his dad again so he was told to remove me or whatever. I wish I told him I struggled mentally too and that he wasn't alone I did everything I could to try everyday hurts so much. im sorry for waffling and shit but yeah. I love you so much Bailey
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depression
|
Every time I think I’m starting to feel a little better, slightly calm, I’m reminded that I’m a piece of shit.
Maybe they’re all right. Maybe they’d all be happier if I were gone.
I just want to go on a road trip, see everyone who’s ever tried to help or be kind in some way. Hang out with them for an hour or so, tell them I’m sorry. Then, find a nice quiet place and just find a peaceful way to go.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, or make anyone feel like it’s their fault. I do everything I can and it’s never enough. Go to work, cook, clean, watch the kids, do grocery shopping, take care of pets, and try to make people happy as much as I can. But those things are never seen. All everyone sees are the times I fuck up. Forgot to put up my keyboard, yelled at the kid for putting the second full roll of toilet paper in the toilet in one day, and if I ever get slightly agitated then I’m considered violent or mean.
She got mad at me today because I had to go use the bathroom while she was talking to me. If this is gonna be my life, this constant hatred, I should just go. I’m sorry I don’t make thousands of dollars a day to afford a new car and repair the house and take care of kids and keep up with chores and give you undivided attention. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. But if all I do is let people down, then one more time shouldn’t hurt.
Is bleeding out peaceful? Is a cocktail of drugs peaceful? Should I even tell anyone? I don’t want to burden anyone, or give them a chance to blame themselves. It’s just me, I’m trash and it’s all I’ll ever be.
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depression
|
General symptoms and behaviors I was wondering if there are certain behaviors, thoughts, symptoms, or feelings that come with ocd. These are things that are not even anything to do with my theme. But they did start popping up as I developed my theme of ocd. Example would be making lists and doubting things I never did before. So my question is are there general behaviors and actions that come with ocd that may not be specific to your theme
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OCD
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Hi, i don't really feel like my partner fully understands what I go through on a day to day basis with ADHD. And i don't know how to express it to him ( part of my ADHD) i just don't know what to say or how to say it without it seeming like an excuse. He gets sad that i don't want to spend all my time with him or when I and reluctant to do things at certain times. How do I express the struggles i go through... And why doesn't it feel like he is even trying to understand.
Keeping in mind i am not currently on medication for financial reasons.
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ADHD
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I have no idea what to do with my time. I feel like the only comfort I can take is in other people and I just don't have access to them enough. Like for example, today I am looking forward to the two appointments I have cause I know I'll be with another person for a while. Not having anything to do stresses me out.
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ADHD
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I’m really stressed, writing my dissertation and doing two case studies for my uni. They are due this friday and i’ve been working my ass off to get it all done.
I had a slow morning and was super out of it while doing my daily routine. About 20 min ago i thought I had forgotten to take my concerta 18mg, so I took a pill. I told my mom and she reminded me that I took one this morning like 2 hours ago and I completely forgot. So now i’m on 36mg of concerta.
i’m not at all worried as i know it’s a normal dose for many and the 18mg is relatively low. But i’m wondering, what will I be feeling?
I NEED to focus and work on school, will this help me or make it more difficult?
I’ll update the post later tonight if anyone’s interested, but for now, i just want to know if any of you have done the same and what did you experience? Did it help you focus? or did i just screw myself and set myself up for a waste of a day.
I am not looking for medical advice, for that I would call my doctor, just looking for your experiences.
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ADHD
|
Hey guys, I’ve always wanted to start cooking but have found it difficult to start. I’ve always liked the idea of having great home-cooked meals, my parents are great cooks and I grew up having something new all the time.
The barrier I face is that I find it boring to stand there for hours on end preparing or cleaning. I can make it for like 20 minutes before I think to myself “I could be doing something else right now”. Has anyone succeeded in overcoming this mental barrier and enjoys standing there for a few hours? I’m so sick of having ready made meals or making something out of quick food.
Any advice/tips/stories would be great!
Edit: I should add that when I am on medication I’m usually out at work or university and don’t have time to prep a meal.
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ADHD
|
I (19M) got diagnosed with ADHD 3 months ago and was on Strattera for 2 months but unfortunately it wasn’t working for me.
So my doctor said I should start a stimulant and he prescribed me Vyvanse 50mg. First of all, where I live it’s absolutely a hassle to get a stimulant,I had to go to a pharmacy which is heavily controlled by the police, they required ID, I had to sign a bunch of shit, and eventually I had to talk to a police officer before getting the drug, he basically said I shouldn’t under any circumstances give this to anyone and that it’s actually a crime. ngl all of this kinda freaked me out I didn’t think it was this serious.
I got home and took my first dose with some coconut milk
So, dear long-time Vyvanse users, How long did it take you to see results? And when did you realize your medication was actually working? and is there anything you wish you knew before getting on Vyvanse?
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ADHD
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But no one except the sufferer truly understands the anxiety, uneasiness, hopelesness and depression coming with OCD.
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OCD
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Almost all media coverage of PTSD is basically depression with flashbacks. Which is definitely part of it; depression the most common co-morbity IIRC.
However, it’s an anxiety disorder. And yet there is absolutely no actual anxiety shown. There’s no panic attacks, no hypervigilance (or if there is it’s presented as “having good survival instincts” and not as a dysfunctional and possibly debilitating symptom of trauma).
It’s all “haunted by the memories” and nothing about being scared it might happen again.
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ptsd
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Honestly, I've had this thought for a while, but I always related to AI characters a lot, and mechanical components fascinate me in design and style.
The current state of technology doesn't allow it, but having a fully mechanical body or even not having one but still being alive sound more appealing. What we have is frail, requires too much effort to make work fine, and chains us with some brain chemistry bs or just the need to sleep and such.
I enjoy food, but pretty much every other task I have to do to be alive feels like a time waster, even if I do them, and not having my mind limited by so much of my biology would be great.
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aspergers
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Hi guys I'm diagnosed with pure o ocd and have been prescribed fluoxetine 20 mg. I am not so financially able to get psychotherapy. So can I do self cbt techniques alongwith medication. Will it benefit?
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OCD
|
Im a mess. I can sense that everyone knows it. I have OCD and anxiety and depression - diagnosed by a doctor.
People at work always check what I do even though I’m capable of my job. People think it’s ok to call me weird or strange which never bothered me until it made everyone think that ALL my opinions and suggestions are stupid and not worth listening to. I respond to awkward and uncomfortable situations with nervous laughter even if I’m upset or angry inside.
I love my partner but I feel like I drag them down. They always always give me respect and love.
I just want to feel like I matter but how can I when most of my peers are just laughing at me. Was I put here to be a joke? I don’t mean that I have no sense of humour and I can laugh at myself at times but being seen as hilarious or weird for just being myself kinda sucks sometimes.
|
OCD
|
I often think about how all of my unnecessary problems come from other people. What I mean is, yes, of course I have stress and whatnot from bills or health problems, stuff like that. But other than those types of things, all my unnecessary stress and problems come from other people.
Other people getting upset because I:
- Didn't say the right thing
- Didn't feel the right thing
- Didn't have the right facial expression
- Didn't process stress or frustration in the way they want
- Asked for clarification because something didn't make sense
- Didn't understand something because it wasn't phrased clearly
Other people causing me stress by wanting me to:
- Be in situations that make me uncomfortable or anxious
- Do things in a completely different way than I am wired to do them
- Pretend to feel ways that I don't
- Deprioritize my own feelings because they don't understand or value them
- Placate their emotions because they can't handle me feeling something they don't feel or don't understand
I'm just so tired of it. I often think about how many of my problems would just disappear if I lived alone and interacted with people as little as possible. When I'm alone, I'm fine. I don't have to worry constantly about what others are thinking or feeling, or what they're thinking or feeling about what I'm thinking or feeling, or what they're thinking/feeling about what I'm thinking/feeling about what THEY'RE thinking/feeling. People seem like they're this infinite time and energy sink, like even being around them is constantly draining my battery until I have nothing left, and then they still keep poking and prodding me, trying to take even more and getting upset when I don't have anything left because they already took it all. So much of my time and energy is spent apologizing for being who I am, making ammends for things I don't feel sorry for, explaining and re-explaining how I operate and still not having it be understood or accepted. Just on and on and on.
Are all neurotypicals desparate for the attention and acceptance of other people? Because sometimes it seems like it. It's exhausting. Why do they need me to validate them constantly? Why does it matter if I feel differently? I don't understand. I don't feel loneliness, not really, not in any kind of powerful way. I don't feel the need for other people like most neurotypicals seem to. I am fine on my own.
So, yeah. Quite often I wonder if I should just go live on a mountain with a cat and basically swear off people.
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aspergers
|
Last night my dad and his girlfriend were arguing, and I know it would never get that bad but something went off in me. I was on the phone with my partner and I tried to ignore it and go on a walk, but when I got home I started hearing it again, and I heard thuds and glass breaking and banging on the door but when I'd came back in from my walk my dad was asleep so I know it wasn't them. I felt like my mom was in the house and I was shaking and my heart was pounding and I felt like if I left my closet I was going to die. I've only ever woken up with the shaking/heart palpitations or had it happen right before I've gone to bed, but this was new and scary. I'm genuinely concerned that I'm going crazy like my mom. My therapist and case manager have basically disappeared and I missed my psych eval for meds the other day so I think the office dropped me. I'm so scared to call them and ask to reschedule another one because I don't want to speak about this at the appointment and my therapist says it never happens to me. I don't know what to do and I'm worried it'll happen in public
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ptsd
|
For the past year, maybe year and a half I have just felt so discouraged to do anything beneficial for myself. I don’t know what it is I have no desire to do anything that will further my status of success in life. I want to be successful more than anything but for some reason I have no motivation to do so. I spend all my days just cooped up in my room either watching shows or betting on sports. I occasionally go out and talk to my family for a little bit but my dark thoughts are always on my mind even when I’m around them or anyone honestly. I’m so scared and lost, idk why this feeling has overcame me but I can’t shake it at all. Quite honestly it just makes me want to die. There’s nothing more I’d rather have right now. The only real thing stopping me is the pain I’d cause my family, I’d hate to do that to them. However, it’s getting to a point that I can’t handle anymore, I really want to die. This sucks. What the hell happened to me? I used to live somewhat normally, I mean I’ve always struggled with self confidence, anxiety, and what not but never (what I think is depression) to this extent. Basically feels like my life is in auto pilot mode and the primary setting is to just do the bare minimum. Please, somebody help me in any way you see fit.
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depression
|
Do you guys ever feel uncomfortable when walking next to a trashcan on the street or walk by a garbage truck driving next to you?
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OCD
|
I don’t know how, I’ve been getting therapy, but my OCD and anxiety have been getting worse. It feels like I’m constantly fighting it harder than usual. I even had to fight it to start typing this and to not make all of this one long sentence because “something could effect you”. I’ve started talking to it too, like saying things that I feel like I have to in order to stop something bad from happening. It doesn’t stop, it only gets better sometimes. I feel like I’ll never make it stop.
|
OCD
|
Greetings fellow aspies! This is my first post here!
So I got a new IT job in a huge industrial company...
While introducing myself to the team and upper management from my country, they asked me what I enjoyed doing on my free time.
I told them I enjoyed reading RFC's, which are basically veeeeery technical documentation on how things work.
As I was talking to people of the same field of study as mine, they knew what I was talking about, but they couldn't believe they hired such a nerd (their words), so they had to ask me 4 or 5 times if the RFC's I was taking about were the same they knew... 🤓
Eventually I got a little upset and thought... damn... not again...
But that was until I told them step by step how the ssh protocol worked.
To me it's interesting stuff. Knowledge is power.
But it's so disappointing when you happily (almost childishly) try to tell people about something you learned and they feel you're trying to brag about yourself...
This makes me want to cry in shame and hide from other people in a way that one of my biggest fears is what will happen when we start going to the office.
I don't know my colleagues irl, we only chat through Teams and people don't turn on their cameras in most calls, so social interaction stays basically the way I feel comfortable with.
How to avoid this kind of situation? 😔
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aspergers
|
This is really long, I would appreciate it if you read the whole think thoroughly. As you know with pure ocd, every detail matters to me.
I’m 17, F
I’m depressed and struggle a lot with ocd and health issues. This has made me have suic*dal ideation for the past year and more. I’m really tired all the time, and I love sleeping because it’s an escape for me. My mom can’t stand seeing me in bed constantly. I’ve explained to her WHY I stay in bed but she never really agrees, she always seems to be somewhere else mentally when I tell her the reason is because I’m depressed and suic*dal, and when I get bad ocd triggers I just want to sleep because then I can’t feel anything.
She gets upset when I’m not doing things, when I don’t move around or clean my room, etc. but today she lost it. She was really angry and yelled. I told myself to stay calm because I struggled in the past with intrusive thoughts when I’m angry and just struggled a LOT with anger and ocd. Whenever I get angry I’m scared that I’ll lose control and hurt someone. I never have, even before ocd, But it’s still an everyday terror for me.
Normally I struggle with harm ocd with my mom and family, like my dog and some of my friends. Intrusive thoughts and all in the moments where I’m the calmest and happiest. But I’ve gotten intrusive thoughts when I’m upset too. I know because I’m always thinking to myself whenever I’m angry at her “I feel bad for my mom, it’s got to be hard to deal with all that she deals with so I understand why she gets so upset sometimes.” Then I’ll get up to help her but have intrusive thought like when I have someone in my hands or pick it up. One I was helping her clean some tools and felt upset because I didn’t want to do it and was already upset by some things she said, but I helped her after she told me to because I didn’t want her to have to do it by herself, regardless of my annoyance. When I picked up a tool, I got an intrusive thought about you know, hitting her with it. Instant disgust. I didn’t want that thought. I wasn’t thinking anything bad about her before, in fact I was sympathizing with her and decided to give up my stubborness and help her, but the moment I walked past her I got the thought. It happened again today.
But my brain is telling me it wasn’t intrusive. Some of my biggest fears come from harm ocd. I don’t even want to think an offensive thought, let alone a violent or harmful one. They terrify me. My stomach drops to my feet and I feel like the world is ending every time I get a harm intrusive thought and every time I’m willing to give up my life if it ensures her safety. I’m willing to give up my life if it guarantees I’m not a danger to her. But the thing is, I know how much this would destroy her, so I don’t do it. I want to, all the time. But it would hurt her so much so I don’t.
Today, like I said, she yelled at me for sleeping in and was really really pissed about it, talking about how tired she is of doing everything alone and that I need to do something other than sitting around doing nothing, etc. I held in my anger, because I won’t yell at her. I can’t. Not only is she my mom but that would confirm my worst ocd fears about myself. So I obeyed. I did everything she told me to do and I was angry during it, trust me, but I didn’t express it or thinking anything. I was focused on keeping my mind empty the whole time so I wouldn’t thinking anything wrong like “shut up mom.” Or worse, “fuck you”. Before ocd I used to think those rude things, like shut up and fuck you when she really REALLY upset me. But I’d usually be crying my eyes out at the same time because it hurt me.
So I focused really hard. I couldn’t stop all thoughts so a few came in. One of them was after she said “I’m so tired of doing all this by myself it’s too much!” And I just thought “well I definitely should k*ll myself then huh! Would make your life so much easier!” In a very like passive-aggressive snarky way. But I just pushed that one aside because I thought, “no obviously not. That would hurt her so much. She loves you and is struggling with your illness too along with all the other burdens she has (ex. Us not having a father) so k*lling yourself would only make her life a million times worse, so you won’t do it.” Idk why I think those things but I’ve thought it a lot. When she makes me angry I just think “I’ll k*ll myself then!” Since I’m already suic*dal but I’ve never said it to her, ever. I don’t want to manipulate or abuse her at any point in my life so I never say these things out loud, ever and never ever have before.
She was still really upset and saying things loudly and she told me to get up and help me put away the dishes. I was like holy shit no I can’t be near anything that could give me an intrusive thought, because I will have it right now. Like it so much harder to deal with/control my own thoughts when I’m angry so being around anything that could be weaponized is like I’m asking for horrible thoughts. I really didn’t want to but I got up and started putting everything away. I did it all gently and slowly as to not provoke any thoughts. Like when I do certain things in a certain way, they bring up intrusive thoughts. Even when I’m not upset. If I pick up a fork too quickly EVEN WHEN IM NOT ANGRY, I’ll get an intrusive thought about hurting myself with it or something like that. So I definitely wasn’t going to provoke those thoughts when I’m angry at my mom. DEFINITELY NOT.
so I did everything slowly and calmly. But everything was a triggering thought. I opened a cabinet door without force, like calmly and normally and it opened a little too far and my brain gave me an image of the door hitting my mom. I didn’t even open the door thinking that way and I stopped the door from opening any further instantly, but the thought happened anyway. I didn’t want the thought or intentionally think it, it just came. And everything was okay, I was putting away the stuff trying to be gentle about it and just trying to let go of my anger and want to cry.
I picked up a few plastic plates, bowls, cups. No thoughts at all. Everything was fine. I was somewhat sympathizing with her even tho I was angry. I understood her frustration, I know it’s hard for her and I didn’t blame her for getting upset, even though it made me upset too. I helped her out and my mind was blank, until I picked up a glass plate that was heavy and got an intrusive thought about hitting her with it. I felt it in my arms that time. It felt different, but like every other intrusive thought before I INSTANTLY felt disgust and just internally yelled “NO.” Because I never ever wanted to do that. I don’t want to hurt her when I’m angry. I don’t want to hurt her when I’m not angry. I don’t want to hurt her when she misunderstands me and says things that really sting. I’m fact, she said something about Christianity (I’m not a Christian, in fact I despise it considering all the things that have happened thus far) that hurt and pissed me off yesterday and I thought. “I wish she could just understand what saying that means to me so I can forgive her and we can have a mutual respect with religion.” I WANTED to be good with her. I don’t want to be angry with her, and I don’t want to think these thoughts. Sure I’m angry as hell and I’m really pissed that her yelling triggered me as much as I did. I’m not speaking to her because I don’t feel I have anything to say to her other than wanting to blame her for ruining my week by yelling. But I don’t want to further upset her.
I’m upset with her. I’m pissed, I’m hurt, and I do somewhat angrily blame her for causing this anxiety I have now. But I want to cool down completely before I talk to her. Right now I feel that I could be disrespectful with my attitude so I’m avoiding her and doing homework until I feel that I won’t have a bad attitude around her. I feel immature about the way I want to act, like I want to tell her that I blame her and that I’m upset, and I want to tell her it’s not fair that she gets to yell and do all that when she’s upset but I don’t get to even though I’m stressed and on the edge constantly. I want to raise my voice and say it’s not fair, and get all my anger out. But I don’t want to get it out physically.
I kinda want to yell, but I won’t. It’s the wrong thing to do and I won’t. I do want to be rude and snarky and grumpy the rest of the day, and I think I’ll struggle with that for a while too. But I don’t WANT to hurt her. At least I don’t think?
My brain is trying to convince me that my want to have a bad attitude with her and tell her “I blame you!” It’s telling me that my want to verbally get out my frustration and hurt right now, and before, is abusive behavior or tendencies. I don’t want to tell her anything horrible. It’s more just like I want to raise my voice back at her and show her that she hurt me, (WITH WORDS ONLY) but I know that the moment I do that I’d regret everything. No matter what I want to say, like “why is it fine for you to yell at me but the moment I show a bad attitude you get super upset again? What’s that all about??”
That right there ^^^ is sort of the only thought I can say is my own right now, because I do wonder that. I don’t think it’s right for her to yell and upset me and the moment I show any bad attitude she’d get mad again. I’m not saying I should be able to yell at her. I don’t think that’s right even if she yelled at me. I just think if she gets so upset that it hurts me and I respond in a disrespectful way or something, she shouldn’t then get MORE angry or blame me. I’d want her to realize that she made me feel a certain way and that the certain way I feel makes me react in sort of a disrespectful way, then she’d stay calm and react in a mature way instead of getting defensive to my reaction. (even though none of this has actually happened and I’m only imagining it)
So that’s what’s happened today. I have a therapy appointment on Tuesday but the only thing that therapist will tell me is to pick up a plate when I’m angry and “see that nothing bad will happen!” Which I absolutely do not want to do. I don’t want anyone telling me to do exposures when I’m in the heat of anger, I will not go anywhere near anything or anyone when I’m angry as long as I have my own will because that guarantees their safety.
My brain is telling me the plate thought wasn’t intrusive, especially since I ‘felt’ the thought in my arms. I don’t know how to describe it. This has happened before with other things, like sexually with my dog. I have a huge fear of doing a sexual thing to him and sometimes when he comes close to me I feel a sensation in my arms like my own arms want to touch his privates even though I do NOT want to. It happens with so many things. I don’t WANT to do the things but it feels like the sensation in my arms is proof. I don’t know. I feel hopeless. I feel like a danger to my mom right now, and always. I feel like the best way to keep her safe is to move out and go far away, and that the only other option is suic*de.
I want to keep people safe. My worst fear is that I’ll hurt people, especially my mom. And my brain is REALLY, REALLY convincing me that I wanted to hurt her earlier. I can’t get it out of my head.
When I’m angry, I usually feel it in my body. Like am awful tickling itchy sensation in my upper arms and shoulders. I feel it when I’m a little bit frustrated or a LITTLE bit annoyed, and also when I’m really upset. It doesn’t matter the occasion, I just feel it. It sorta feels like a stress sensation but I get it most when I’m angry.
It’s like, I was angry and felt a physical sensation to a harm thought. Isn’t that enough proof that I’m dangerous??
I genuinely cannot convince myself that the thought wasn’t real. All I know is that the instant second I had it, I wanted it gone and wanted myself gone. I wanted to my far away from my mom, so I could keep her safe.
If k*lling myself wouldn’t hurt my mom, I would’ve done it. And I’m really close to doing it now. I’ve thought about it every day. I’ve thought about ways to do it and I even started writing a note. I’m here for help. I’m not here to tell you that I’m gonna do it, I’m here to find a reason not to.
If there’s anything you can provide for me, like your own experiences with harm ocd WHEN ANGRY, please, PLEASE, talk to me. Here in the comments or in a dm. I want to learn how to deal with this better because this isn’t the last time my mom will get mad at me, and it’s not the last time I’ll get mad at her. So please, if you can say anything to help me please do. But please don’t ask me to stay. That’s why I’m here, just please tell me if you’ve felt that sensation before, or if you’ve felt the sensation during an intrusive thought. If you’ve had intrusive harm thoughts when angry, please tell me.
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OCD
|
Its so bad that most of the time i am oblivious theblatant obsession i have is actually OCD
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OCD
|
It is Exposure Response Therapy and includes exposing yourself to the stimulus of your compulsions but if you have inappropriate private staring compulsions then undertaking this therapy is going to be problematic is it not? How would you tackle and issue related to social alienation? What does the therapist do differently? I generally felt up to now that having this type of OCD and being autistic at the same time is a death sentence. Conventional mental health services don't want to deal with me but then all they've offered me is CBT which I always struggled to understand.
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OCD
|
The meds, the therapy, it's working. I can do more than function. I can enjoy my life. I'm excited for things. I have more patience. My episodes are shorter and easily overcome with techniques. I didn't think I'd get better, I hoped, but didn't believe. I'm so fucking grateful.
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ptsd
|
Am I the only one who goes through something like this? I need to know if these horrible beings torturing me for their own amusement aren't real!
|
OCD
|
Hi all!, this is an obvious throwaway account just to protect identity.
doing a semi short version
Was working at a police department in a city I moved to with my wife, got a call about an unresponsive four year old.. showed up child wrapped in towel unconscious. Tried everything in my being to save this baby ..but unfortunately he succumbed to his abuse. Mothers boyfriend was physically abusing the child and come to find out the boy had a split spleen and after a few days succumbed to the damage. he had extreme brain swelling. while E.M.T grabbed the boy I was talking with his two younger brothers in another room who were watching all dogs go to heaven...and playing with them. They were unaware their brother had died in the other room...
fast forward both mother and boyfriend sentenced to almost 40 years in jail.
Immediately after I had left the scene i sat in my car with another officer and we did our best to rationalize everything. We told ourselves we did everything we could and we gave him at least a fighting chance. I couldn't sleep for the next two days. Every time i took a shower i took the opportunity to cry and I did this for about a week. After that I seemed to have pushed it to the corners of my mind.
From that point on I began to get nervous every shift that I would have to respond to a similar call..i became increasingly more hot tempered towards any case that involved a child and found that I began to fight urges of physically assaulting these people who were involved with crimes against children... I soon told my wife that I needed to move back to our home state and I ended up leaving police work..... I work in law enforcement now but in a different capacity. Let me be clear I've never acted on those violent urges..
I didn't realize I had ptsd until while working my new job I had to deal with someone convicted of murdering a child. once i read the case something triggered...I started sweating...i became angry and sad at the same time ..in my head I ended up back in that living room with the dying child.. the rest of that work day I was in a total disconnect I felt very heavy and sat in my office and cried....since that day as an officer I've never had a full night of sleep..id have nightmares ..so vivid I felt like I could smell the scene I've never forgot that boys face...
fast forward again
I have a one year old son now...and i felt like it was time to start facing my demons so that I dont short change my son from having a full intact father.
i sat down with my wife after 4 years and told her the story in full detail...why i don't sleep......why some days i seem to be aggravated or just irritated ..why I don't trust people ..nor care to be around them. the days i seemed to have sat in my own thoughts and just lay in bed...once she heard everything she cried.... She cried for me...for what I had to go through and what ive bottled up for years ..
it sounds cliché to say but if you have never worked law enforcement. .you may not truly know what we deal with and how we have to go from a traffic accident with serious injury or death ...to pulling someone over for speeding and wonder why seem a little annoyed or "mean"
and talking to the doctors that departments refer you too is kind of a sign of weakness. That mentality does still exist..
I have friends who are police officers and I keep intouch with them and find it easier to talk to them about it when i do need to talk about it..I've seemed to be more open to it now after I opened up to my wife.. I feel different.. i still have days where something will trigger it and Ill either start to become sad or angry...but I found that when I do I reach out to my wife and tell her ..and she has always been good at keeping me in check...
for once in my life I feel like I have a somewhat good grip on things .. I feel like Ive started to become normal again...
I still get the feeling that I'm crazy for feeling this way and that I should be better by now and it shouldn't effect me any more.. and sometimes when I talk about it to my wife...i feel embarrassed .. IDK just an additional thought
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ptsd
|
I seriously cannot, no matter how hard I try, engage with any movie or TV series if I don’t find immediate relatability with the characters, and over the last few years it’s just gotten worse.
It might be one of the reason’s I’m so excited for The Batman. Like I tell myself it’s because I’m a big Batman nerd but deep down it’s because they’re making him a bitter recluse and I know I’ll probably connect with him right away
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depression
|
I'm pretty sure I don't have OCD, but apparently this problem I have sounds like a form of it. I had this bad feeling about this fictional character years ago and that same bad feeling hasn't stopped evolving and now I have a problem with people pretty much. I'll be a bit more specific if I need to but I'm not revealing who this character is. Unless I'm venting about my own feeling associated with the character, I don't want to think about this character's existence. Coming across with characters face in my recommended or even the name is hard so please don't name anyone if I gave anything away. I've reached the point where I don't think I'll ever watch this show again and I'll never overcome this.
In November 2018, I watched a TV show and there was a pretty forgettable character who said something I didn't like, didn't think much of it and later stopped watching. Up to March 2019, subconscious feelings about this character surfaced in vague memories that made me feel uncomfortable and hopeless, something about the backstory felt unfair. It felt like this show did something fundamentally wrong. I watched the rest of the season and rewatched the scene with the dialogue I didn't like, and realised that something was wrong. I didn't understand what was going on but I understand now that I was pretty heartbroken and devastated. Part of it was probably because it was a child and some of it could have been bad writing, but it was mostly my unusual feelings. I've recently realised that it was to do with a lack of empathy. I couldn't understand or empathise with this character which felt like a deep problem and my mind couldn't rest until I could feel some empathy for her or I temporarily forgot and would repeat the cycle the next time it came back into my head. After about 6 months of being a fan of the show as a cope and being desperate to know how the story of this character ends, I stopped watching entirely. It's been exactly 2 years since I decided to never look at this show again and hope that it would blow over. I was almost right, I don't think about 1 and 2 nearly as much but only because they aren't my priority anymore. Not knowing what problem I had with this character, I must have internalised the wrong thing. The obvious characteristics weren't problems at first in regular people and other fictional characters but now they are, more than anything else. Through 2020, it got worse and these feelings gradually invaded my comfort zone. I developed the same feelings for 9 more fictional characters that I try to never look at again. Right now, it seems like I have a problem with everyone I walk past. I can't say with certainty that these people have, will have, or have had traits that I'm uncomfortable with, deliberately, reasonably or not. Other than my family, I can't imagine myself in a relationship of any kind.
I'm not sure if this belongs on this sub, but these are obsessive thoughts. But is it obsessive thoughts if it's caused by feelings? My constant thinking is almost a deliberate attempt to get rid of the feelings. I'd like to know if anyone has experienced anything like this because since It has started, I've been so confused. The only stories I can find that is common with OCD are people who passionately love characters to an unhealthy level because they relate to and understand them so much. Ironically, the characters in this show get a lot of extreme love, especially the one that's been troubling me. A lot of Redditors think that's what's going on with me, that this character hits too close to home and she reflects something I hate about myself but I think in my case, it's the complete opposite. I couldn't relate to or empathize with this character at all, I wanted to love and respect this character but I hated her so much. I've recently found an article calling the backstory terrible, and her face was on the thumbnail of a video called bad characters. This made me happy at first but this means my rational criticisms are actually valid, meaning the show did something bad, nobody cares and I can't talk about it. At the same time, I know I am mostly the problem which I guess is a blessing because I can actually do something about that.
|
OCD
|
IT literally feels like u are tipsy the whole week, forget ting stuff, u do the fun things in life, ignoring the important stuff.. U say shit that u regret staying the next day..
U do impulsive decicions that only drunk People would make..
This is only a small persentage of whats going on and ppl has to Wonder wtf is up with that guy..
I know there are strategies and tecniques to "help" but alot of it feels very unnatural, are we living in a world where ppl expect us to be in a way which we literally are not made to be?
I keep Reading on reddit and it feels like most of us are miserable, with a few exeptions.
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ADHD
|
So Im 23 and I take “Evekeo.” Ive tried multiple medications for ADHD my whole life (Hated Vyvanse) but Evekeo is the one that seems to work the best for me. However, each time I take it, it seems to effect me differently. Sometimes making me super motivated and SUPER talkative because I really get into my thoughts. I love this. And then other times I’m a zombie with no personality. Today I’m super tired on it. I take 20MG each time and yes I’m on and off it but I can not be on it for two weeks and then take it and be talkative and then not on it for two weeks then take it and be a zombie... or I can take it consecutively and it still effects me differently every time. My doctor said it’s from caffeine but I went off caffeine for a bit and it doesn’t seem to help. Does this happen to anyone else? And do you have any thoughts/advice.. a possible reason or things that could effect it? How can I help it? Thanks ❤️
|
ADHD
|
I've seen over 7 medical professionals now ranging from my PCP to a neuropsychiatrist all of whom just keep referring me to another as they don't feel qualified enough to treat/diagnose me. So now I'm waiting to see a psychiatrist to see what they have to say. The issue I'm facing is no one is listening to me. They bring up concerns about other mental health issues that may be present like bipolar, schizoid, or autism but even if I have all of these I am not and haven't struggled with them in the past. What I struggle with are boiler plate ADHD SCT symptoms caused from lack of sleep and poor nutrition. I've managed to collect data for the past 2 years to support my claims and have been self medicating for ADHD for the past year and the results have been everything I wanted.
But the doctors keep emphasizing how this isn't a solution and things could get worse in the future in regards to self harm, financial concerns, and being in a psychotic episode and I don't know it.
I'm thinking I should write a well written and vetted report similar to a research paper I can give my psychiatrist so they'll listen to me. Do you think this would work? As quite frankly getting diagnosed has turned into a nightmare and is doing the exact opposite in which I started the whole process anyways.
TLDR: I can function how I want living a happy life alleviating my ADHD symptoms when I self medicate so what's even the point in getting diagnosed?
|
ADHD
|
I’ve been struggling with taking any sort of medication or supplements and I have a fear of feeling off in anyway but my insomnias so bad I may have to just take something. Can melatonin make DPDR worse? I’m not even sure if I can post this here I just am having so many intrusive thoughts about it and has anyone else with medication obsessions taken a sleep aid?
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OCD
|
So I’ve stumbled across this while researching personality disorders. Apparently it’s related to the autism spectrum. It makes a ton of sense to me because I feel like I avoid and devalue things for no reason at all... like there are things about life I just want to accept and move on from, but it doesn’t happen. I have an inner compulsion to do the opposite of what is expected of me. From others and most certainly myself.
Do you ever want to do something that you know would be good for you, yet you feel strangely and powerfully compelled to rebel against it? I feel like this urge is what makes me unable to exist in modern social environments
This article explains it well. I’ve thought it was a personality thing, and hoped it was because I may be able to change that. If it’s developmental it seems there’s less hope...
https://autismawarenesscentre.com/an-introduction-to-pathological-demand-avoidance-pda/
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aspergers
|
Hi, I am m(18). Im kinda nervous about asking this because it is something I've been losing my mind over with.
For months or even years I had this matter of not being able to focus and would brush it off as either me not getting enough sleep or asking my parents to get me glasses. Yet now it's becoming difficult for me doing my homework for college now. I have my suspicions that its some form of adhd but I don't want to jump the gun. So I have scheduled an appointment with a psychologic this Friday. I feel like I am lazy all the time even when I make the effort to complete stuff. I'm very self-aware of my own actions and try to push myself to do everything. Other days I want to scream at myself for not even doing anything and the self-hatred grows... Am I going crazy?I am confused at all this. I've tried telling my own parents about my situation, but they give me the same answer. "I have to work harder and sleep more ". Other things include my own passions boring me?? I can't focus on a conversation as much anymore... As an explosion happened inside of me and I am the only one who hears it. I can't talk to my father about it cause he doesn't believe in mental health, my mom tries and I am grateful about it. It feels like I am running through a loop and loop, I hate it as well, one week I am doing find and I relapse into the lazy guy I am. I've tried all the advice and at this point I feel like giving up.
I just wanted to know if I am not alone in this situation or others have gone through the same.
thank you and sorry for the rant...
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ADHD
|
I see alot of ppl saying thats the problem is not on intrusive thoughts but its on your reaction to it , i will said that the problem is on urge that come with thought not my reaction.. normal ppl have intrusive thoughts but without urge that why they don't react to them, so the problem is on urges not reaction, without urges nobody will suffer from ocd
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OCD
|
i was surfing around and thought to get an online diagnosis of my depression... haven't been diagnosed by a doc... but i has read enough to know that I suffer from depression... they online diagnosis asked me if i thought frequently about self harm or suicide...i was like... lolz... liked every minute i evaluate the need for my existence... everyday i draft my suicide letter and then erase it... every time I go to sleep i discuss strategies of suicides with my self...i mean it's all chalked out... just waiting for execution day...
anyways got diagnosed with severe depression and that i should consult a doc ASAP...
funny part is that even if i wanted to ... even the people closest to me would be enough to shoot down the idea, ignore my disappointment and burden me with their own baggage...
my own partner...so to say... would raise hell with a self victimisation propaganda... it's not worth the effort....
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depression
|
this has happened twice.
i want to start out by saying i do not remember my childhood. i was digitally raped when i was 7 by a neighbour. when i was 13 pics of my body where sent around my school. i tried to kill my self. hospital 8 months. after that black mail and emotionally abusive relationship. 2 years later physically and sexually abusive relationship.
so a lot of trauma. a lot of undealt with trauma.
i had a therapist when i was 14 who “cleared” me of PTSD. i had no idea what that meant but now i think she was wrong.
i’m very startled by loud noises. screaming. too many lights. flashing lights. sirens. and my father. that one is weird.
i’ve been on a spiritual path for about a year now. this has never happened before that.
2 months ago i did acid, im a heavy tripper and have been tripping for a couple years and have never had a bad trip. 2 months ago i got stuck in a time loop. i was reliving memories i didn’t know i had. with my parents. one was with my mom where she kept repeating the same sentence and acting like i was crazy when i asked why she was doing that. another was i think my dad sexually assaulting me. i had my eyes closed and i could see it happening but physically was in my bed alone at 2 am crying. i could feel a thrusting inside of me and it was very painful. i even peed the bed. i ended up blacking out and my mom said she came into my room at 3 am and i was twitching and making weird hand movements , eyes rolling to back of head, completely unresponsive. what initially started this one was when i was taking a bath i walked by a mirror and thought i saw my reflection move differently then me. i was terrified but after the thing in my bed the next thing i knew i was outside painting in my lawn and the sun was up. i thought it was all a dream until my mom told me what happened.
last night i tripped again. i know a lot of you are going to say it’s probably the acid but i think it’s my trauma manifesting and i’m having body flash backs.
it started when i was on live on social media, i’m a tarot reader and my friend has just left, we had a great time, i was alone, talking to my viewers teaching them divination etc. then all of the sudden something triggered me. i literally said “oh my god it’s happening again” and ended the live stream. after that i don’t totally know what happened. next thing i know i’m downstairs. when i was a kid my dad used to put beer in the apple cider bottles to hide it from us. my dog got out and i don’t have my license yet and the only way he will come to you is if you are in a car. so i asked my dad to get him. he said i can’t. i said why. he said i’m drinking. i said “oh my god it’s never been apple cider” and he just laughed and said “nope”. all of us are of age and have been watching my parents openly drink for years. why would he do this now. this is what initially freaked me out. eventually i got my dog and went back inside. i went upstairs to my moms room and i told her i was scared. she asked why i said i thought i was having a panic attack. when i was younger i used to have really bad panic attacks and my hands would go numb. each time this has happened my hands and inside of my thighs go numb and my back feels like it’s on fire. i also get a salty taste in my mouth the whole time. she said why. i said i don’t know. and then for some reason i started to ask her if anything happened to her when i was a kid. she immediately covered her eyes and started darting her eyes back and forth. she wouldn’t listen to me. then for some reason i asked if she had taken pills. she said ibuprofen. i said that can kill you. ( when i had my suicide attempt this was the conversation we had except it was reversed, like literally, except i took something else.) i told her i wanted to call the cops and she yelled at me saying she had to go bed. she kicked me out when i was obviously distraught and in pain. i felt so confused and hurt. why didn’t she want to help me. how could she see me like that and just go to bed.
next thing i know i’m in my room. i was reliving whatever happened when i was younger but without visuals. i could feel all the sensations in my body and i was stuck in fight or flight mode for hours. i was desperately doing super weird things just hoping somehow it would stop. i peed the bed again. and then a girl texted me out of nowhere on snap. never talked to her before. she asked me for a reading. at this point i was upset i needed anything so i just accepted what was happening and called her. we talked for an hour. slowly she starts telling me about what her situation is. young naive girl dating older guy who is extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. down t the details the exact relationship i had with my original ex. it gets weirder. she lives pretty far away. starts talking about someone named “John Moflab” extremely close to the person who sent my pics out when i was 13. fast forward to her talking about a guy she knows (she asked me if i knew him) he was my first love. i never told him. she said his name and described him and i was terrified. eventually the reading ended after a long hour and i called my friends. they called me down and stayed with me until it was day time again when i finally felt safe enough to leave my room and go shower and wash my sheets. i’m almost 20. how did this happen? i’m so embarrassed and now worried something may have happened to me when i was younger that i’m unaware of. i don’t know how to process this. feels like a completely different reality i was in. like the veil of reality was lifted and i was thrown into the real world and it was fucking terrifying. i thought the cops were coming for me. i thought my dad was going to hurt me. i thought my mom didn’t care about me. i have no clue what happened. i even texted one of my friends saying i wanted to kill myself and in no way was that true. i thought i was dying and if i fell asleep i wouldn’t wake back up. i thought i was reliving my memories before i was about to die. i kept seeing 222 and 333 i kept seeing stuff out of the corner of my eyes. sounds felt muffled and weird. i didn’t feel alone. i feel so distraught. i have no idea what this is and none of my friends even with regular dissociation issues can identify my experience. i think it may be past trauma manifesting. i have no clues. please help me.
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ptsd
|
he is one of the worst people i have ever met. the dream was vivid and upsetting and its still affecting (effecting?) me today even though the dream happened two nights ago. when the original event happened, i was 15. im 20 now and it still affects (effects?) me even now. it was horrifically traumatic and painful and rough, and it was just like that in my dream. do y'all have any advice? anything i should add to clarify? am i allowed to add the details? i'm moving through my day like a lost puppy.
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ptsd
|
What if The Princess and the Pea story was describing a hypersensitive autistic girl?
My own "peas" are tiny little specks of grit underneath my mouse pad, which I can feel through the pad with my pinky or side of my thumb.
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aspergers
|
Idk if its normal but everytime i go out and the day is somewhat sunny i start to blink a lot and my eyes become extremely sensitive.
|
aspergers
|
I've had PTSD for around 7 years now due to being violently raped at knifepoint by multiple people and tortured. I have managed it well (I think). However I was in work the other week and a male coworker expressed an interest in me. When I rejected him, he came into the room I was taking my break in, locked the door behind him, and continually harassed me for a kiss all day. When I continued to reject him he walked over and kissed me regardless while I shielded my face. This coworker was someone I considered a friend, and someone I trusted.
I've made a complaint to my boss obviously, and it's being dealt with. But that doesn't stop the anxiety, the hypervigilance, and the night terrors that have now come flooding back when I had just started to feel human again...
|
ptsd
|
So where do I start, I'll try and keep it brief and explain how all this happened.
My whole life was a bit of a mess, I had all sorts of trauma from before I met my ex that were beginning to wear me down.. however you could say that my ex "saved me". She (lets call her Jane) was the first person that I opened up to about all kinds of terrible stuff including childhood sexual harassment and all sorts of violent trauma I experienced but also neglect and abandonment from loved ones (at this point, I had not been diagnosed with PTSD but didn't really have all the symptoms)..
You see hers the kicker, I met my ex online, and she lived a continent away.. not something I wanted to get involved with but from the getgo it felt like we were already longtime friends and it just felt incredibly natural for us to be romantic. Luckily one thing I got going for me is that I have a low stress job with lots of money and leave, so I pulled the trigger on going to see her after video calling for nearly 2 hours every night (roughly) for 7 months. There were two 3 week trips. spaced 3 months apart. Last one was in August.
I had some sort of clues that Jane might not have been stable (she said random nonsensical things sometimes as if her personality had changed), but I did voice those concerns, and I didn't expect anything extreme at all. Jane was extremely good at hiding her mental instability from everyone around her even from herself. After our first trip things started to go bad for Jane and there were signs she started to become more unhinged and dissociative, but at the time I interpreted that as her emotionally withdrawing from the relationship or becoming depressed. I tried to get her to open up to no avail and settled on trying again when I went to go see her again. These were the things happening to Jane seemingly causing her to become unhinged, some known and unknown to me at the time
\-Both Jane's parents developed medical conditions that were potentially life threatening (known)
\-Janes only other sister took a bunch of her moms money and fucked off to another country (known)
\-Jane was expected to take care of her parents and it was causing her enormous stress (known)
\-Jane has an insane amount of chronic pain (known)
\-Jane was busy round the clock with uni (before dropping out) and work (known), even though her parents offered her sufficient money to stop working so she could focus on her studies (unknown)
\-Jane's university informed her that she would have an additional 1 year of studies, prolonging our long distance relationship an additional year, and I had told her before I would not want to go that long before (unknown, kept it secret until she couldn't)
\-Janes boss had been violent with her and she quit her job and dropped out of uni, prolonging her education even longer (unknown to me! Really she was good at hiding stuff!) She just told me she had a burnout. Not the violence stuff
\-Jane dropped her entire social life and hobbies to find a new job, worked nonstop to be able to save up enough money to afford our trips together even though I insisted I can pay (and her parents too), basically stayed in her bedroom/work for 3 months (kinda known but I didn't know how bad it was)
\-Jane was a repeat childhood sexual abuse survivor and likely has a dissociative disorder (unknown!)
..
So yeah, on our 2nd trip to put it briefly went well but at the end of it, she completely lost it. I started questioning her dissociative behaviours and suspicions about her sexual issues when we were both really drunk (having no idea what I was getting into) and she went into a full dissociative state started thinking I was her abuser. She fought me tooth and nail for 2 hours trying to jump off a 20 floor balcony in her home country. She violently attacked me thinking I was a rapist or something but also just sorta because. I called the police and her parents over and LUCKILY they believed me and once Jane snapped out of it she admitted everything exactly as it happened, even her abuse. She went and got mental help and I dumped her because she almost completely fucked my whole life up and had she jumped I would have gone to jail because no one would have believed my story (she never had an episode like this and appeared quite mentally stable to everyone). She agreed she was too unstable for a relationship and was devastated by that evening, and promised to get help but said she'd "let me go as an act of love".
I have since been diagnosed with PTSD and have weekly psych visits but I'm managing it quite well and getting over it, but seeing her pictures still triggers me 50% of the time. Jane WAS so good to me up until that point and even though she was unstable loved me a lot. I don't want to be back with her but it's my birthday soon and theres a chance shell reach out to me. I can't bring myself to block her but I'm worried we will have a destabilizing effect on each other. There is 0 chance of us getting back together and I won't even entertain the idea until at least a couple of years has past.
But idk, what do I do if she reaches out? It's a question that scares me because I'm afraid she's just too mentally unstable and might become obsessed with me or something. Or pretend she's 100% ok and want to get back together, or maybe she is getting better. How do I maintain boundaries with someone like that? what sort of boundaries should I make?
ofc these are discussions i've also had with my psych, who's said its best not to talk to her for now, but like I said I can't bring myself to cut Jane off entirely (block her). I want to say that Janes behaviour did not seem manipulative at all (her behaviour wasn't a bluff or cry for help, she legit wanted to die), she genuinely seems to be a victim of her trauma and intsense mental instability. Her family and friends are supporting her now but they told me they would have never believed it had they not seen her behaviour.
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ptsd
|
for the past week or so i've been experiencing some of the worst brain fog and depersonalization i've had in a while to the point where i basically don't feel anything except for rare bursts of emotion. i guess i'm just asking for tips on how to get out of this stretch. anything that helps you feel more connected to life/yourself? and makes you remember why life is worth living? thanks
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depression
|
I was looking for an app that would put a note for things on the front of my phone. I stumbled upon an app that promised to put sticky notes on your phone screen. The app doesnt work and you have to pay to use it at all so its a clear scam. I deleted and checked the reviews and found one that really made me unhappy. It starts by saying that the author had never considered themselves as being OCD until they had realized they had made tons of lists and alphabetized them and ordered them numerically. The person goes on about how she makes her husband do the same six lists over (no idea what that meant). They then add that their new medicine for their OCD is this app. This person who is likely not a person also said to, “give your OCD a break for the holidays” with this app. Finally, they claimed that their OCD was properly medicated by this app. Would send a pic but no dice. Kinda blown man.
|
OCD
|
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