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growing up in an abusive household meant holidays were really traumatic and fucked up. i had terrible nightmares all night and woke up dissociating pretty intensely. i feel a little more present now. i'm sober so gonna try my best to keep it that way today.
anyway. holidays fucking suck. loving kindness to other travelers on this journey.
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ptsd
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Is there a chance that I’d get sent
to a forensic/psych ward for teens?
They prosecuted me for a death threat and take me to court next month
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OCD
|
All I ever think about is myself. I don't care about the struggles of my dad. They're lesser than my own. My sister bores and confuses me. I don't care about my mum's wedding. I don't care about the lives of my "friends". All I've ever done is spit in the face of anything I've been given. All I do is complain and destroy anything good. All I do is find new ways to regard myself as "special" and somehow worthy of anything, ever. Like I'm entitled to anything. I'm not friendly. I'm not funny. I'm not intelligent in any conceivable way. I have no talents that I know of, nor am I humble enough to search. I am physically unattractive. I have no ambition. I have no emotional connection to any person. I am unable to take action. I have no unique insight or perspective to offer. I am utterly and inordinately exhausted with every facet of human existence. I have no fight left. I have nothing to fight for.
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aspergers
|
I’d seriously get google glasses or something if this was an option.
It’s so hard for me to watch anything on a screen without them. If they have an accent I may as well just turn it off.
It would honestly revolutionize learning for us. And relationships.
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aspergers
|
So I randomly saw an article about Ritalin having life lasting effects on kids, and now I'm anxious about something again. I don't know where to ask this but I guess here. Will Ritalin affect/damage my brain? I stopped with Ritalin about 2 years ago because I didn't feel well because of it.
Apparently you need more than 300 characters to post something in this subreddit to spark a discussion or something, I don't need a discussion I just want to know if Ritalin is actually unhealthy...
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ADHD
|
Even though we have covid we’re having a thanksgiving dinner. It’s about 10 people.
My depression has been getting bad. Really not at my worst but will put a damper if I don’t fake a smile.
I made progress with my ptsd over the years. I can be in a room with several people and feel ok. One of my traumas happened on New Year’s Eve. Holidays come up with bad memories. Pile on top my ocd and I’ve been having insomnia wearing me out. I have migraines that destroys my body.
I’m usually happy and bubbly when my mind isn’t taking over. I have a good time and am happy and appreciative of togetherness.
But I feel like I’m being expected to behave that way even if I don’t feel it. I’m a fun aunt who’s really interactive with the kids but my energy is down. When I’m playing with them lately my mind drifts and I just want to be alone.
Tomorrow’s gonna be rough. I’m dreading it and hoping I can just get through the day without ruining anyone else’s day.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been dating this girl for a year and when I’m with her it’s literally the only time I feel safe. She’s got her own array of mental health problems but we support eachother a lot.
I am so so in love with this girl but every moment without her feels worse and worse, I get more disassociate and more random feelings of panic and flashbacks.
I can’t tell how much worse things will get when I’m not around her.
It’s a really hard situation because I love her so much and time with her is so so amazing, but the second I leave it’s just a huge wave of pain.
What am I meant to do?
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ptsd
|
I think I have "friend crushes", longing to befriend someone or get to know someone better. I'm happily dating someone and I don't have many friends, though my current friend group is tight-knit and keeps me company. Is it wrong for me to have completely platonic "crushes" on them? I don't want to date anyone but my partner, I just really want to be their friend and I feel so happy around them, and I worry that it comes across as something else, or that I "actually" want to date them, for some reason. I'm mostly just confused... am I alone in this?
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OCD
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no this isn’t a joke. my brain has kind of programmed myself to avoid people that remind me of/look like my abusers, specifically black men and trans women. the problem here is i’ve had people confront me because i come off like i’m specifically avoiding these groups of people because i am racist and/or transphobic, but it’s really not that, it’s just how i try and protect myself from getting hurt again. i know that his blackness and her transness have nothing to do with the way they treated me, but in my mind they have hurt me before and if i give them the chance they’ll do it again. i feel like an asshole but this is just how i’ve learned to cope and i don’t know how to stop my brain from making the misguided attempt to protect myself from everyone that reminds me of them. have any of you ever dealt with this or something similar and can maybe give me some tips?
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ptsd
|
Some guy jumped out of their truck and barked at my service dog triggering me to go into a panic attack
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ptsd
|
Hey people,
it all started 9 months ago. After a wild party evening with my best friend. We had a lot of drinks and some coke. We tried to hook up some girls. Was not the best evening. After i arrived home, i wrote with a girl, she was very hot. Then she told me that she is transgender, i thaught ok. So then so horny i was, some voice in me said, come she looks like an model. Just try it.
We meet each other, she grab my dick and suck me. After that i stopped it and went home. I didnt feel right, but i was just a experience. I was never phantasizing about her dick or something else. In my head she was a normal lady during we meet each other. In my mastubration fantasy in past there are nearly to zero Transporn, maybe just twice in my life. So i am confident, with the sexuality part. Its more my thingking pattern. Black and White thinking with this one event.
The next 10 days were for me the absolutely hell. What have you done??? I felt sucidial and so on.
With time it got better. I thaught ok, its not my proudest moment, i will let it as a past event an move on. So it worked for a while. Since a a week i feel bad. I stuck on thoughts.
Now i get thoughts like:
-> you dont have a right to be with normal women!
-> You are no more hetero!
->what if the society knows it.
-> Your life has no reason, no right to be ever happy again....
-> You are the baddest person on earth, more than murderer or acting paedophiles.
-> i am checking mentaly succesfuls guys out , if they can be succesful and happy after having something like this.
I am doing a lot of checking, ruiminating and so on. Self talks, that everybody makes a mistake and so on, but it just got worse.
Sometimes when i am happy, the thought appears and say you ugly human. you did ... this.
i feel very depressed right now, no energy for my social life and work.
.
Does somebody has some advices for me?
I would be thankful.
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OCD
|
I was diagnosed this week with PTSD and I'm trying to figure how to deal with my diagnosis and the changes I'm making now.
I'm finding comfort in a way of actually knowing what is wrong with me and putting a name to all my symptoms. It's hard to explain how that alone can make a person feel somewhat better, but for me it did.
Knowing that all my fight or flight instincts that feel like they are ingrained in me are a normal response. Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all. I seriously thought I was losing my mind. I now understand that both my mind and body are having reactions to simply push through and try to continue even if it's painful. That's why it's called trauma.
I don't know that I will ever be completely cured, but I am going to do everything recommended to be the best I can be. Trauma changes a person. How much it changes someone; I don't know, but I do know it is not something a person should be defined or stereotyped by.
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ptsd
|
So usually it goes like this: the whole day passes, THEN I realize “wait.. I literally have done nothing..” followed by the usual guilt feelings etc etc..
I’m sure you guys are familiar with this (so you probably know that by “done nothing” I meant NOTHING.. sometimes not even eating)
However there are cases like today where I notice it’s a dead day before the day actually ends.. it’s ironically more soul crushing since I’m literally aware I need to finish some work, but just can’t.
What’s the plan here?
I’d say F it and sleep(to skip the dead day), but I do need to get that work done.. Sometimes the deadlines don’t allow for “skipping” dead days
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ADHD
|
so I’ve always kind of just self diagnosed myself as being a generally anxious and a little bit sad person who gets stuck in my own obsessive thoughts, And I’ve always been pretty easily agitated and sensitive. really young I was extremely sensitive to sound, 7 or 8 year old me couldn’t sit in the same room as someone chewing! Id get sweaty, anxious and full of just anger and agitation. But teenage years it has gotten significantly worse. I get like overstimulated when it comes to sounds, any sound really, the sizzling of food in a pan, someone’s continuous footsteps through the house, and most of all … chewing. I start to hyperventilate, my dad and I have arguments about it so the sound of his voice like winds me up and if say, there is a sound in the background like someone chewing or the tv is slightly too loud I will start to struggle to breathe, crying uncontrollably and making ugly gasping noises as I cry, the feeling of just distress and terror pretty much like the world is going to explode feeling, I normally have to lie in a ball on the floor as this happens. all from being triggered and hypersensitive to a small sound. These episodes happen about once a week and last for about 30 minutes when they subside i feel extremely exhausted and down and depressed and a little bit embarrassed and will have to sit in bed drained for the rest of the day. life isn’t the easiest, I’ve always put these episodes down to just personal struggles and being stressed. Is this a panic attack? Do I need to talk about this with a doctor? I know my dad and mom have both had spouts of anxiety and depression and trauma throughout their lives and have been medicated I was wandering if it could be genetic? would love to know thoughts and feelings:)
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depression
|
I can write formally with others just fine, but writing in a casual, informal way is something that I just can’t understand. I can’t even text my sister without checking my spelling and punctuation, which is something that drives her crazy. I don’t know how to be sarcastic without being rude, or when to type “lol” without it being silly. I can’t make myself type in a grammatically incorrect way for the sake of a joke. Everything has to be perfect, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing.
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aspergers
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That poor impulse control some of you guys here have talked about, thought that was one of those aspects of adhd that I couldn’t tell if I had or not.
Think I’ve realized I also have that but it shows itself in smaller things, like “yeah sure I’ll be fine staying up 2 extra hours to watch this stream and play this game it’s fiiinee”.
Also my poor fingers and skin, I can’t help but pick at things on my skin for too long, was in the car on a trip for about 5 hours and spent a lot of that time pulling on the skin around my thumbs nails so now it’s stinging a bit. oops.
Last week I also spent two days picking all the nail polish from a pedicure off my nails when it started chipping so my nails look real rough now :/
Sorry idk what this post was, just sharing a bit of my habits here instead of constantly dumping things I notice on my mom. Also I’m sorry if this kind of rant, kind of sharing and looking for similar experiences post doesn’t belong or fit the flair I’m not super experienced on posting in reddits
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ADHD
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Recently I watched video where Monk Ajahn Brahm compared OCD to Buddhist story about the monster in Emperor's palace. I've been kind and gentle to my intrusive thoughts and I realized that frequency of unwanted thoughts decreased.
Video where Ajahn Brahm talk about OCD :https://youtu.be/b1AjKV3ktYo
Story about the monster in Emperor's palace: https://youtu.be/BBUyvvA5HKU
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OCD
|
I've been battling with OCD since I was about seven years old, and took my first antidepressant at age 9. My OCD has mostly been primarily obsessive, I have a few compulsions (mostly silent, like repeating numbers in my mind) but what really makes my life a living hell are the intrusive thoughts, numbers, and anxiety that comes with them.
Fast forward to 2015, I was diagnosed with depression a year before and started taking Efexor + Wellbutrin + Xanax. It made me feel wonderful, for the first time in my life I felt like I was getting better. I went to my appointment with the doctor and told him about my experience with those drugs, and what I felt after increasing the dose of each drug.
I told him that after increasing the dose of Wellbutrin I felt wonderful, but that I didn't feel much after increasing the dose of Efexor. I told him that I still had intrusive thoughts and he said that it would be interesting for me to try Luvox, after removing one of the antidepressants I was taking.
He recommended that I should slowly decrease the dose of Efexor, stop, and then start taking Luvox. So I did that. I did not feel any severe side effects from the Efexor withdrawal, but after starting taking Luvox I felt miserable.
My intrusive thoughts were gone, sure, but I felt so tired. I couldn't focus, my speech was slurred and even thinking normally was hard for me.
He recommended that I increased the Luvox dose, since, in his experience, patients usually felt better after increasing the dosage. And while it decreased my somnolence a bit, it still was too much so he told me to stop taking it. So I did.
It didn't get any better for the first few days, in fact I started worrying so much about what I was feeling that I had a panic attack and developed a mild panic syndrome for a few weeks.
The doctor told me that it could be Wellbutrin's fault, since I was taking it alone with just 1mg of Xanax. So I switched off from Wellbutrin and started taking Escitalopram.
I felt better for some time, until a second panic syndrome hit after I tried the Efexor + Wellbutrin combination again. This time it lasted about 2 months. After this my OCD became unbearable. I've tried a lot of combinations since, along with psychotherapy, but it didn't help me get back to the way I was before my OCD became worse.
Fast forward to now. I'm feeling better from my anxiety and depression, I've managed to go from taking 4 different antidepressants to just one plus Xanax. But my OCD is still terrible and I'm feeling exhausted because of it. My new doctor suggested that I should try taking Luvox again.
He said that slurred speech and difficulty thinking were not common side effects of the drug. That maybe I was feeling those side effects because I had just stop taking Efexor, and because of the Wellbutrin + Luvox combination. And that I shouldn't feel such severe side effects this time. In fact he said that I could contact him everyday for the first few weeks taking the drug if I ever felt the need to do so.
But I'm terrified of feeling like that again. I'm terrified of developing a panic syndrome again. My mother and my therapist support the doctor's idea, but I still feel so terrified of this drug.
Before taking it, I didn't even think about side effects and stuff, if the doctor prescribed me something I'd take it. But after taking it, I've been feeling reluctant to add any medication.
Do you guys have any experience with Luvox? Or any experience feeling terrible after taking a drug the first time, but having it work when you took it the second time?
Sorry for my bad English, I wrote this in a hurry, maybe I'll edit my post later.
Thanks in advance.
|
OCD
|
I struggled with ADHD throughout my entire childhood, but didn’t receive an official diagnosis until my last year of high school. Currently, I’m a senior in a university undergraduate program.
Throughout my years in college, I have constantly felt as though my university sees me as a burden because of the routes I have to take to receive accommodations for timed assignments such as quizzes or exams.
Are there any other college students (or K-12 students) out there whose school makes them feel like a burden or inconvenience due to ADHD?
Much love!
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ADHD
|
So I haven’t been properly diagnosed with harm OCD but I strongly believe I have it because I have all the symptoms. I’m probably gonna go on medication very soon, but now I’m worried. What if I don’t actually have Harm OCD, and what if I go on meds and do the thing I fear ? What if I hurt my parents or my pets ? Help pls
|
OCD
|
Saw the thread about most ADHD thing you’ve ever done and I relate to so many things. My therapist said that I don’t have ADHD and it’s just PTSD from childhood trauma.
I’m kind of wondering if I have it though. A few examples that make me rethink is:
-I didn’t realize I turned on gas stove without lighting it first so I was cooking with unlit gas. I just realized because I stepped outside and when I went in I got a whiff of gas. Had to call fire dept (so embarrassing).
-I was a gifted child so people say I can’t have ADHD. But always got told I put no effort in which didn’t make sense. I ended up dropping out of middle school temporarily and high school until put in a special program. It took me 22 years to finish college cause I couldn’t stick with it. Have A’s and F’s depending if I like class or not.
-I’m having trouble with my new job because part of my job is to get directions and tell directions to other people. But I can’t pass it on because half the time I zoned out or forgot.
As I get older my symptoms seem to get worse where now I’m worried I have dementia or something (early 40s). Wondering if anyone can relate?
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ADHD
|
i've developed this obsession where either when i'm saying passing a note to someone it has to be folded to the max, as much as it can be without getting bent or wrinkled. i also have to do the same with paper towels when cleaning something, and with foldable things in general. can anyone relate?
|
OCD
|
It's so unfair that when I was at my most vulnerable and literally starting a new phase in my life that it happened. I thought I had this shit behind me.
And here I am nearly a year later, still having nightmares about it. Still traumatised. My marriage still under enormous strain. I'm putting the work into therapy and I'm not suicidal anymore. But. I . Am. So. Fucking. Tired. Of. This. Shit.
I shouldn't have to be reprocessing my rape. I shouldn't have to be reprocessing that time my boss was caught by the police upskirting me and having to go to court over it. I shouldn't have to be reprocessing my narc mom abandoning me to spread my dad's ashes on my own. Or some of her most spectacular moments of abusive behaviour in my childhood. And I absolutely should not have to be processing how a bunch of doctors and midwives, who are supposed to know better, allowed me to have hours of rape flashbacks whilst giving birth. When I asked for help.
How the fuck am I supposed to believe that I have value or can trust another human being again? Or deserve good things when something awful happens every couple of years? What is the point in trying to improve my situation when I just seem destined to fail?
Thank you for coming to my rant. I'm just so frustrated. I'm just so tired of hurting.
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ptsd
|
do you guys have any advice for what to do about anxiety? I take antidepressants and adhd stimulants, and see a therapist but despite all of it I get filled with so much anxiety from every little thought or action or interaction or decision :/
My chest physically hurts and I can’t keep crashing and crying like this, there’s no signs anything I’m doing is helping me.
Any suggestions for what you do in the very moment you start feeling anxious? I tried these lately:
1) rationally explain to myself that yes I am experiencing anxiety, and mindfully experience it and not let it deeply affect me beyond that
2) find things in my surroundings that are the color of the rainbow - red orange yellow green blue purple….repeat
3) count backwards from 10 and take a deep breath with each count
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ADHD
|
I have had OCC struggles almost my entire life, from thoughts and “visions” of awful stuff happening and having to perform rituals to stop it, along with being unable to stop repeating awful words in my head… but the past year or so OCD has hit me in a new way and I need help.
I am a writer and cartoonist, and art has always been the entire purpose of my life. But recently, drawing has been a struggle for me. Every time I pick up a pencil, I fear the lines I draw will mot be my own. That I cannot come up with a single story that is not plagiarized, copied, or outright stolen from someone else. I have taken to destroying any art that resembles anything else, tearing up stories that have even the slightest resemblance to something else. Even things that were created after I had my idea, I feel that I somehow copied them and I will destroy my work. Even drawing something as simple as a person, brown hair green shirt, I feel like I’ve stolen this design. And, to make sure I’m not stealing anything, I obsessively search the internet, seeing if there is anything of resemblance to mine, screenshoting it make sure I don’t make the same mistake again. I have burned a box of two years worth of art. Some of the most important things to me went in that horrible incident. I have saved hundred upon hundreds of other people’s art into my photo album. Checking, categorizing, and researching takes up so much of my day. Worrying takes up the rest. I can’t even get dressed without worrying my outfit copies a character design, or each time I pick up a shirt, my mind says: if you wear this, your art won’t succeed. If you wear this, your ideas will die. It’s awful. I can’t even do the one thing that makes me happy, artwork.
Here’s an older thing I had written on it:
“Hey,
I’ve never really told anyone this before, or at least this much, but I have this really weird kind of OCD. (Or, at least I think that’s what it is). I like to draw and write comics. I once considered this my greatest talent and greatest release. I’m not 100% sure how this started, but I’m afraid that my work is a copy of something else. I’m afraid that I’m using someone else’s work. I’ve killed so many characters I’ve “created” because I’ve found something similar to them, even if it would have been impossible for me to copy it (If I hadn’t seen it before). Things I used to like, such as Scott pilgrim or Adventure time, I now fear because I think I’m copying them somehow. And maybe at some point, I (unintentionally) have. When I remember something I may have seen similar to one of my works, I have to google it to make sure mine’s not the same. I know creativity is finite, but I’m paranoid. I need to google those things, I need to make sure I’m not a copy-cat or whatever the term is. This is why I don’t have the internet on my phone. I pretend that it’ll stop me. I have manipulated people into searching things for me, to satisfy this OCD issue. But it will never be satisfied. I think this might all be symbolism for a fear of being sued or a fear of being accused of plagiarism. But whatever it is, it’s controlling me. I fear that the only way to stop this is to stop being an artist. From the time I was seven years old, all I wanted to do was publish a graphic novel. My own damn brain is stopping me from reaching my only desire. When I say “copying” I mean: the most minute details! Are the characters wearing the same color shirts, same shoes, did I use the word “and” twice like this other book did, how big did I draw the effing pupils! I seriously can’t stand this. I started taking lithium willingly, because I thought it would help. I don’t know if it is. I don’t really feel any different. I feel like I can’t be a good friend or a helpful student, or anything at all while my mind is like this. If you have any advice, I’m open to it. I don’t know what to do.”
This is from January or so. Goes to show how much worse it has gotten. I se to be at peace with Scott pilgrim, but I now compare my art to so many other universes, Sweet Tooth comics, Hazbin Hotel, Young Avengers, She-Rah. Any random webcomic, and especially autism webcomics, because of a nonsensical belief that autistic people are more creative than me, therefore there is more of a chance I have stolen from them. There is no enjoying seeing any art media. I cannot enjoy consuming media, for fear I am unintentionally copying it. This has made my life a living hell. I cannot freely scroll the internet, as I may run into art, and the art may seem like something I have stolen. I’m supposed to apply to college this year. I have no talents besides art, and there’s no other kind of college option for me. If I don’t get this figured out, I’ll never be able to live my life peacefully.
|
OCD
|
Lots of things are happening to me, ive developed ocd last summer, my dad lost his job im studying abroad my country’s economy collapsing, i lost money of a scam, my skills as a musician have rusted(not like they were good in the first place) my body aches all the time, the only good part of my day is taking painkillers to stop my back pain
on top of that i cant even feel one second like breathing because of this curse called OCD dont think ive ever stopped a compulsion my brain switches from one topic to another..
my mind keeps going and going i cant enjoy the games i love im always out of focus, i am seeing a therapist tomorrow but i feel so weak, sometimes i go out of the “ocd mindset” and remember what it feels like to be alive and happy, doesn’t matter where i am i start to break down and cry....
i live in constant crippling fear and depression
I want go home in the past even though there’s nothing to go to i just want to die
|
OCD
|
With ADHD teachers often don't understand what you're going through. My worst experience was feeling like I was always behind I could never catch up like I was feeling because of something I couldn't control and there was no point of continuing because I would feel anyways my teachers made it clear that I was correct to feel that way even though I still have my family support I feel like a failure a disappointment. My mother got her first job at my age at 16 and I'm still just trying to get through 9th grade. I want to know if anyone else has other experiences like this go into as much detail as possible or that you're comfortable with.
|
ADHD
|
I know this is likely quite common for neurotypical individuals as well so bear with me if this is an unintelligent question to be asking here. I assumed I was just aggressively codependent but as I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers I began to question if this is common amongst people like us. I've come to the conclusion that it was definitely the right decision for the relationship to end, but she was the first person I could be completely open with. She made me feel like I could legitimately connect with people on a deep level and I guess because she "loved" me for my true self I became utterly obsessed with her. My fixation on her was probably too great because I started to shy away from the few other friends I had. It's not that I can't make friends I just usually don't care for most people or simply have no desire to exert the energy it takes to deal with new people. Eventually when she broke up with me she rattled off a slew of reasons that I don't think are grounds to end a relationship. I kinda just wanted her to say "I have no attraction to you anymore" because at least it would've been straight forward and honest. After that she kinda just ghosted the shit out of me. The last time I saw her was at a function I didn't want to be at in the first place and she quite literally didn't say a single word to me. It's not like a did anything malicious during our 2 year relationship that would warrant her to dislike me so I guess I just literally can't understand why she decided to treat me like a stranger. I know I could've said something to her at the party but based on her not saying anything to me I decided it would be best to say nothing at all, not to mention I was already stupidly anxious to begin with. Now it's been two years since we broke up and while the wound isn't fresh it's still very much open. I rarely go a day without her finding her way into my headspace and plunging me into a state of melancholy. Try as I might I can't not dream about her. She always finds her way into my dreams and usually acts as if we were still together. The more agonizing part is the strange level of lucidity I find myself to be in during these dreams. It's like I'm conscious within the dream without knowing it's a dream and yet I'm conscious enough to make decisions and have mental processes within the dream. Then I just wake up confused and it just is terrible. She literally couldn't care if I were to die tomorrow and here I am two years later incapable of realizing whatever bond we had doesn't exist and never will exist again. I'm already sad enough as it is on a daily basis so her anchoring me down even further is becoming genuinely unbearable. I don't really expect anyone to have some mind altering advice but I guess I'm just wondering if this is a regular thing or my Asperger's is exacerbating it.
|
aspergers
|
I am in a sober living. I got a job last month as an Amazon delivery driver and have been working the hardest I've ever worked (for $17/hr). I walked or jogged 70 miles this week, between the ~2 mile walk to the bus stop, delivering 300+ packages and the walk home. Today is my day off and I am in total chillaxin mode sitting in the living room talking to the house manager. I am male (31 y/o) and this is a co-ed sober living. One of the tenants, a 44 y/o woman who is sometimes sweet and sometimes sour- I think she's bipolar, walks past and says "Can you stop making weird noises when I walk past?" I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about but it is the third time she has made absurd false allegations against me or another guy. I told her I did not make any noise and she is crazy if she thinks so. She walks out the door, then back in 3 minutes later, livid, giving me a mad dog stare and says "Fuck you" and other things to that effect. Completely unfounded. One lady that was actually nice but left the house a month ago told me I was the most sane one here. I hate that my financial situation has brought me here but I'm working my way out. I got like 17 hours of overtime coming on the next paycheck but unfortunately it will be another month or two before I can feasibly afford a car.
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depression
|
Hi all :-)
I (F27) am new in this group. I start my therapy next week. I would like to talk with someone who has similar experiences. I am not looking for reassurance. I really want to recover and need help. My relationship almost ended cuz of hocd and I cannot make compulsions anymore. I would like to talk with someone about therapy, recovery, how u handle with this, what recourses, methods u use etc. .
I am from Poland, but I live in Germany. Unfortunately it's difficult to find an ocd therapist in Germany. I have found 2 therapists in Poland and made appointment with them. One is a woman, but I am not sure if she knows hocd. I saw that it's common that the therapists know ocd, but they never heard about doubts about sexual orientation. So I don't know if I should choose her if she doesn't know hocd.
The second one is a guy and he knows hocd. I am only a bit ashamed, cuz he is a guy and I will have to talk with him about sex. Does some woman has similar experiences? How it was for you?
I have also found a 3 therapist, but she is not ocd therapist. But she told me that she knows ocd and had many clients with hocd.
I also thought about therapy in English, cuz there are many good therapists. But I don't know if my English is enough. Does someone has therapy in English? How it was?
If you would like to talk, please send me a message.
Thank you for your support and have a nice day/evening!
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OCD
|
Does it have to completely take you out of reality/what’s going on around you or can it just be a strong, unpleasant, distracting memory that keeps coming up and you can’t stop thinking about it?
|
ptsd
|
(Throwaway account)
Hey everyone!
Looking for advice re my (31F) relationship with my partner (31M) who has ADHD and dyslexia.
*please let me know nicely if I say anything insensitive, I’m learning!
We are in a semi long distance relationship and see each other on weekends and considering moving in together next year (logistics/jobs allowing).
He is a truly incredible person - kind, sweet, open minded, emotionally intelligent, fun, creative, and adventurous (it seems to me that these are some of the great qualities of ADHD).
Mostly he/I can handle his ADHD which you could maybe describe as high functioning. He is tidy, excellent at his job, and (mostly) organised. Sometimes if we have to be somewhere I’ll tell him it’s 30-60 minutes earlier than it really is so we’ll be on time, and he’s not great with managing his money but hey neither am I.
There’s one part I’m struggling with. Often when we’re together he’s “off with the fairies” and it leaves me feeling very alone. I try to make basic conversation and in response I just kind of get gibberish, random movie quotes, and singing. It’s almost like what you would do if you were intentionally blocking out someone from talking to you (eg they try to say something you don’t want to hear and you go “LALALALALALAA! BOOBS!” lol). Sometimes I get one or two word answers and he’s just quiet, looking elsewhere.
I know he’s not doing it intentionally and doesn’t really realise he’s doing it. But it breaks my heart. I feel like I’m babysitting a child or a pet rather than in the company of a partner. Eventually I give in and go quiet or start scrolling on my phone and he asks me what’s wrong and I try to explain it to him, but it just makes him sad which is the last thing I want.
Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends and my family kind of rejected me. Being ignored is triggering for me. I still don’t have a lot of people in my life that I can talk to, so maybe there is a lot of pressure on the relationship to fulfil this need for me. With Christmas coming up I guess I’m feeling extra alone.
What do I do? He doesn’t see a therapist and isn’t on medication, but asking him to start medication for me seems borderline abusive, especially as he’s happy and functioning. Should we try couples therapy? Do you guys have any tips for how we could manage it? I have tried slowing down my speech a little so he has more time to process it. I love him very much and want this to work.
Any advice would be awesome! Thank you!!
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ADHD
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My partner: I don't sit down and try to figure out why you're upset before I can show you sympathy.
Me: kindness?
My partner: ….
Me: I'm confused!!!
My partner: Sympathy….
Me: WHAT IS THIS okay im looking it up
My partner:
"because that's a fear of mine, and im just tryna rule it out... of course ill show you sympathy"
These were your words in the animi motus channel the other day. So you tell me, what did *you* mean by sympathy?
Me: i meant cognitive empathy... but i cant do that unless i understand, and we both have conflicting views of cognitive empathy which i dont wanna argue
My partner: Why tell me you're gonna show me sympathy if you then tell me you don't know what it is!
Me: because i meant something else!….oh sympathy, to be sad, when someone else is sad
My partner: ...
Compassion. You should automatically be sad when I am sad. If you're not, you do not .. care. I mean not sad as in as sad as me.
Me: THATS NOT TRUE
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aspergers
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I’m tired of being told my problems aren’t real or aren’t as bad as I think they are.
Being told I have lots of people who care about me is insulting when I really don’t and I told them I don’t. Being told I should stick around and suffer for years for my dog is insulting. Maybe some people really actually don’t have people who care/people who would miss them. Maybe I really don’t have a better future to look forward to - some people peak at 26 and maybe that’s me. Maybe I’m right about my worthlessness, but people aren’t ready to hear that.
Frankly it’s insulting to be told repeatedly that I am wrong when I observe my need for social support, meaning in my life, and a reason to live. I don’t have those things, but people love to tell me I’m just being dramatic or that I’m incorrect. I say those things through years of observation and I’m a smart person and it’s true. It’s so disingenuous and selfish to try to talk me out of offing myself or having those feelings while also failing to provide any real support or even believe me. The gall people have to tell me I’m wrong about my lived experiences right to my face. Or to suggest the damn hotline knowing full well how crappy the whole system is.
I can’t be the only who feels this way. I can’t get support because nobody even hears what I am saying. It’s like I’m mute no matter how loud I scream. They’ll be in denial until the day I’m no longer on this planet. I know I’ll be forgotten in months and maybe that’s a good sign I have no business being here in the first place
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depression
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After almost 30 years, I finally know that I have ASD/Asperger's. My whole life I have been different and never knew why, so often cast out from groups and never popular. Always feeling lesser than everyone else.
As a child my symptoms were noticed, but mistaken as some run-of-the-mill depression and anxiety. Still, I was ‘normal’ enough that no one thought there might be an underlying reason to it all — despite my odd social behavior, desire for strict schedules and meltdowns in dense social situations.
Learning written language was the hardest thing I ever did. I was even put in remedial classes as a child from my terrible grades/scores in language and history. Yet, I could understand mathematics and logic intuitively, like the way I could immediately understand numbers was the way most people saw words, and vice versa.
Over time, I developed a special-interest in STEM and after so many years of hard work and strife, I was able to get a PhD; The thing I always wanted since the first day I read a children’s book about science.
Even after all of that, I still struggle every single day with social interactions. It takes so much energy to simply go shopping, and it takes all I have to attend conferences!
I was lucky enough that I had such supportive parents that enabled me to succeed, but it was still a long and arduous journey that continues to this day. But this day, I know why it has all been so hard every step of the way — this day, I know better who I really am.
This community was a large part in my coming to understand my brain and my past for what they really are/were, and to seek a psychiatric diagnosis. Thank you all for your support and encouragement!
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aspergers
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I swear to god I heard faint jingle bells at regular intervals for like 15 minutes earlier which then faded into creaking but
-I’ve never heard jingle bells before/I don’t think we have any
-my roommates oscillating fan had never made so much noise at night before if that’s what’s causing it
-the jingle bells didn’t last too long but the fan hasn’t been moved
Luckily I sent a video to my friend to confirm the creaking is real but I’m unsure and concerned abt the jingling. It’s nighttime and my roommate is sleeping so I can’t turn on the light to investigate for jingle bells or anything (I’m POSITIVE it was in our room)
I’ve been kinda getting some schizophrenia themed ocd for a while bc my mom likely has schizophrenia and I’m at the age it usually develops. But most things like people in the corner of my vision and little sounds could be explained. Now I have to wait til morning to see if I’m having auditory hallucinations
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OCD
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My verbal communication is so poor and I'm able to express myself like 300% better through typed messaging.
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aspergers
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Does anybody else have issues with spending money on themselves? I always feel very guilty afterwards, even if somebody else spends money on me.
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aspergers
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I love going on holiday, but usually after about 5 days no matter how nice a time I’m having I lose interest and just want to go home again. Anyone else?
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aspergers
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i resisted a compulsion last night and followed through again this morning — first breakthrough i’ve had in a really long time, and i’m very proud of myself. dealing with this disorder every day is exhausting as you all know, but i hope you take time to notice smaller bits of progress and keep believing that recovery to some level is achievable. it’s how i keep trying :)
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OCD
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Graduating DBT therapy in 2 more sessions! It really helped with depression/suicidal ideation relating to hating myself, self harm, many of the symptoms of BPD, etc. I can’t believe how much progress I’ve made. But fuck I really prefer being miserably sad all the time to this shit—constant terror over nothing. The pain of quitting SH is nothing compared to the ridiculousness of literally jus making it thru the day with OCD.The prospect of even having to deal with this for one more day makes me want to kill myself which is odd considering how much of my time I spent being scared of getting killed. I’m going to start OCD specific therapy but what I would do for some deep ass depression that could just accept the thought that everyone’s out to kill me. Now I can’t stand anything and I’m exhausted by the idea of being a full time student away from home for the first time doing exposures in a new city and state. Lol. Fuck this disease
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OCD
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So found out i have adhd at 25. In an era of my life i call the rise.
2 parts to my story. The insane and the sane.
Crazy was the normal for me.
Drugs on a daily basis.
Over 80 women. Escorts. Prostitutes. Girlfriends.
Sex drive to the max.
Achol on daily basis. Morning. Afternoon. And night time.
Smoking like there is no tommorow.
Self Destructive bhaviour.
Zero control of my mind.
Zero understanding of my emotions.
The sane.
At a point i started to see clearer whats happening in my life.
I made the choice to change my life and worked towards it. And its true when they say its a lonely road to find your self.
I stopped drugs in a tug of war battle.
Stopped achol zero achol.
No more women. Avoid even thinking about it since i know i have a weakness.
When i look back it seems like i was lost in the adhd madness. And how it controled my life.
Now i reached a point in my life where i found some sort of peace. And working on bettering my self.
Ive seen 8 therapist and mind you all said i wasnt a normal case and struggled to reach me to help.
I see you all and i can connect with you when i hear your problems you face with ADHD.
I learned the hard way. And i learned your not alone in your fight.
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ADHD
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A few weeks ago I moved into a house already occupied by a couple, and was told it would be quiet-- but it isn't. My flatmates are nice, but they are rough on the house and there is constant door slamming, stomping, yelling to each other, random people in and out. I thought I was way past this, but I guess I hadn't been back in an environment like this since my last traumatic incident. I don't know how to calm myself with the constant noise, it feels like I am "surrounded", just as they go about their day. I have just noticed lately that I am holding so much tension in my body and there is this heaviness in my stomach. I plan to move, but obviously cannot do so so soon after moving in. I just don't know how to make myself comfortable. It makes me feel like I am back at home and someone is storming around waiting to explode, or barge in and start screaming at me. The "anger" I hear in these noises has completely coloured my perception of other things they do and I have to remind myself that someone making a mess, or not being extra friendly is NOT a sign of aggression.
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ptsd
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Ok, I’ve been married for over a decade to my wife who has very bad contamination OCD. She’s currently studying to pass the exams required to practice as a Doctor in my country and has no experience working as a Doctor (other than a 1 year internship, and not in mental health.)
The first few times I did look into it deeply online and I’m certain I don’t have Asperger’s. The reasons she gives - I sometimes like to collect things. Apparently no-one non-autistic would do such a thing. As an example, over lockdown I took an interest in vintage music production (because I wanted to understand audio production) and made a little hobby business out of buying and selling the equipment. That I’m a programmer (she pushed me to study it at university), that I have no social skills (I do with people I find interesting, but I’m often quite introverted). Her apologising about me in advance never goes well.
So she says I’m in denial and of course I wouldn’t find anything wrong with me.
She talks to me like I’m an idiot half the time, doesn’t respect much of what I say to her and eats my time. I’m currently a full time tech CEO of a new startup involved with the development of a new technology, plus work with stocks and crypto trading (and the cottage audio studio trading business). She claims that I do nothing to support her studying (I have done so for the last 5+ years). I often look after our child and somehow juggle decision making / meetings etc so that she can study all day. She’s totally obsessed with studying now, so we have had zero relationship time for the past couple of months; and she studies until the early morning, night and day. She takes a salary from one of our (my) businesses but doesn’t do anything for it. Any business discussion is immediately shut down.
I’m certain I used to have very bad social anxiety, but nothing more complicated than that, and it’s much more tolerable now. If I ask her what it would take to make her believe otherwise, she states that I would have to visit a doctor and she would have to be present ‘to tell the truth’ about me…
I think at best she maybe has relationship OCD in addition to her contamination OCD, and at worst that she is planning to leave me and wants ammunition for a custody case, from one of her colleagues who I’m sure she would know personally. She was physically abused as a child and in a previous relationship. I know that she seems to behave normally for maybe 2 weeks at a time, then irrationally and confrontationally (rarely physically) for the rest of the time.
I would appreciate any thoughts.
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OCD
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There’s these little kids in life right? So I’m here minding my own business being depressed as fuck and this 5 year old goes “I’m a babysitter now I can do babysitter things”.
So I’m over here thinking to myself Man I wish I was that happy and still had an imagination. 🤣😭😭
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depression
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I don't know if theres something deep down or if it's a symptom of asperger's. I was diagnosed at 15.
I'm now 22, and after a while, I really really really hate people. I have a strong hatred for people.
I wear a mask to blend in, if I let it slip people will raise eyebrows and be uncomfortable with me. I'm sick of society's standards of having to go by these rules in order to socialize.
It's gotten to the point where I tell people not to be my friend, because I'll be too much for them. I know the outcome. I've lost so many people cause of my anger, my frustration, my rage.
Nobody can handle it. It's to the point where I believe I'm a monster. I know I'm too dangerous for other people and I'm unpredictable.
But when I describe or try to explain this to normies, I'm being dramatic, or making an excuse. "I know such and such with autism and they'd never do that".
It's different for everyone you dumbfuck.
Maybe I have some personality disorder, or maybe I really really am just angry. I mean it's a part of me. All I feel is anger, fear and then just numbness.
I hate people. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of the fake smiles and bullshit masks people use to be accepted in this pathetic circus.
I'm exhausted, I'm angry. At this point if someone is aggravated with me I tell them I simply feel nothing and don't care. Is there something else wrong with me? I've gotten to the point where I generally feel NOTHING when I make someone upset. Am I a sociopath or borderline? I literally don't care. If someone were to tell me how frustrated they were with me or anything. I'd literally give them a blank expression and tune them out.
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aspergers
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Hi guys,
My intrusive thoughts aren't blasphemous and don't revolve around me questioning my faith, but I still feel my relation to Christianity is significantly inhibited by OCD.
My OCD makes me feel like such a bad person that I should never go to church. Also, I feel the need to repent after intrusive thoughts, which isn't conducive to treatment of OCD. I just feel my morality is completely destroyed by OCD and that I'm such a sinner.
Also, since Schizophrenia is sometimes a theme of mine, I'm frightened of getting spoken to by God.
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OCD
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Can a bad diet, caffiene, no job &or lack of a social life make OCD worse?
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OCD
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It's become a lot worse with covid because it's normalized now for everyone to wash their hands loads. I know it's a myth that everyone with ocd washes their hands a lot but for me most of my OCD does actually revolve around hand washing and doing everything I can to avoid infecting other people. But like I said I don't usually like making myself vulnerable online because it makes me feel embarrassed to have to admit to myself that my brain is fucked(I know a lot of people will say you shouldn't talk about yourself like that but sometimes it's easier for me to joke about my mental health struggles or make light of my anxiety and ocd rather than get upset having a really deep, serious conversation about my mental health. But my OCD makes me think that every time I touch something in my bedroom I have to wash my hands and my room is really messy because I'm too worried about tidying my room because I know I'll have to wash my hands like three or four times after I've tidied my room in case I contaminate myself with covid by touching something in my room which isn't completely clean. Sometimes when I pick items up off my bedroom floor I feel like I have to put a sock on my hand so that I don't have to touch the object with my skin. Back when I was having therapy for two years my OCD wasn't that prominent back then and when I asked my therapist if she thought I had ocd she said it didn't seem prominent enough to be ocd but now that covid is around, I am almost 99% sure I have ocd, because other people I know don't spend five minutes washing their hands in the toilet or wash their hands every time they touch something. I feel like guilt is also a massive part of ocd particularly with contamination OCD and that also would suggest that I have quite severe ocd
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OCD
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hey everyone. I have being dealing with a very specific intrusive thought/feeling for probably 10 years now. It’s exhausting and I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with theirs for that long too? and if anyone has any tips to finally shake it.
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OCD
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Despite social anxiety especially in adolescence, I worked as a consultant with lots of customer contact, having to give presentations in languages I am barely fluent in in front of dozens of people; I've had more dates etc than I could have wanted ... ultimately, I managed to mask sufficiently and realized that I basically have a family mode, a dating mode, a professional mode and the default insecure mode. The latter is still (mostly) functional, but if I am able to be assertive and dominant and funny, why should I be totally different in the majority of situations? The confidence is draining, obviously, but I am more in tune with myself nowadays, so I don't need to hide just to protect myself.
I mean, I still don't get the intricacies of social norms and cues so I come across as weird at times or my humourous remarks fall flat, but that does not scare me anymore. My brain works differently, but I don't need to *fear* the consequences. I have no reason to be actually afraid/meek, and I know my limits in terms of interaction so I can withdraw before it becomes too much or when masking is too exhausting.
The problem is that this "shy mode" is the default in many situations. How can I unlearn this standard behaviour pattern? I don't want to act assertive at all times, that would be too much (I've had freeze episodes during the consultant phase, so it's not applicable every day). But I want to be able to switch and not be forced/triggered merely by my surroundings. I don't want to wear an anxious mask when I am not actually anxious. I am a totally different person depending on the situation, it's difficult to integrate elements from one mode into another.
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aspergers
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Anxiety is being invited to a party months prior, getting up, washing 3x, dressing, going to the shop, taking your time to buy the most expensive cake and prosecco, going to the venue, getting through the first set of doors.........then freaking out and leaving without seeing anyone.
Then calling a friend, getting her to stop by yours before she gets there to take your gift and lie for you by saying I had to work (night shift, I'm a nurse).
Then, spending the evening beating yourself up for missing yet another event, ruminating on what they're doing, what they're talking about and the memories they're making without you. Knowing it's just a matter of time till everyone finally stops inviting you to things.
Then of course walking home leaves you even more freaked because your PTSD makes you jump at every loud noise out there and its fireworks season.
Anxiety is a thief of experience.
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ptsd
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Hello everyone… I suffer from severe existential OCD. I have had moderate OCD for as long as I can remember, but when I became a mom a little year ago it exploded. The anxiety got so bad I experienced derealisation for the first time in my life, and that opened the door to a solipsism/ brain in a vat ocd theme that has become so bad that I am simply at my wits end. I am so scared the world is not real and that I am here completely alone, and killing myself is beginning to feel like the only way to get some relief from this anxiety that is just eating me up. I have tried absolutely everything: therapy, medication, healthy eating and exercise and a lot of sleep and so on, I seem to just be stuck here with the realisation that you can never prove the external world is real, and therefore it might not be. Has anyone battled this and made it out? I am so scared and so exhausted and it feels like I have simply
Lost my mind. I feel so lonely and lost
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OCD
|
I've been feeling hyperaroused for weeks. Sleep is awful. I've now got so many more stressors all the sudden, and I am just so irritable all the time. I joined my grandparents to watch football, and for the first time, got super into it. There is so much to pay attention to, and I was doing it flawlessly (to toot my own horn) and making all the right calls (I understand referee rage now). Couldn't sleep again, rage and breakdowns ensued, so I made the odd choice to watch a horror film. But I'm feeling so much more comfortable because I am in an environment where I want to pay attention and anticipate the worst next outcome.
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ptsd
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(TW - Suicide, blood, rape, pedophilia, death)
I am a bad writer but I wanted to write a short story about OCD and Intrusive Thoughts.
The thoughts invading my mind, flooding it to the brim, they won’t stop. They never want to stop. They just want to control me. To scare me. To kill me. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Why can’t my brain just be normal instead of forcing these heinous scenarios into my mind every second of every day?
I can feel the throbbing of my wrist as the blood trickles down and off of my fingertips and splatters to the floor. The only way to feel in control. The only way to distract myself. The only way to live is to die a little, bleed a little.
Oh, such a shame. The ever occurring intrusive thoughts purge my once innocent mind. What I wouldn't give to go back. Go back to the days before something in my brain finally snapped. The days without the medication, the wrist slitting, the fear.
What's that? A child? Run. A Knife? Run. A fuckin’ dog? Haha...run. The silliest of things can cause the most guilt. Such a misunderstood illness. Such a fucking shame that so many lives go to waste over it.
It’s hell living with the fear of walking outside in the morning to see the lovely, happy, young children waiting at the bus stop for school. Why? Because of the images, my fucked up mind creates. The urges my mind makes me feel. The urges I know that I don’t want.
The knife? Slit my fucking throat? I shouldn't. But I feel as though I should. The urge is so damn strong. But I throw it out of my hand at the last second, feeling the tingling urge around my throat where I want to slit it until it gushes blood all over my shiny, white kitchen floor.
The medication? Oh, it worked. It worked for a long time. But everything fails eventually. Nothing lasts forever. Eventually, it's just too much for even the strongest of drugs to subside.
My social life is a mess. I isolated myself to protect myself and everyone around me, yet, I feel so lonely and sad. I miss the embrace of a hug from a loved one. The kiss of a lover. The laughter of a friend. I have to remind myself that this is for the best. It will be best if I stay here forever. *Better yet, if I just kill myself right now and rid the world of one less pedophile.*
“Shut it,” I grumbled.
*Pedo*
*Pedo*
*Pedo*
The involuntary head shake that occurs during a sudden intrusion.
*You’re a pedophile, Phillip.*
“Then what does that make you?” I yelled back.
*Look at that young girl, Phillip.*
Just ignore the thoughts. Just ignore them. They will go away.
*Rape her*
*Rape her*
*Rape her*
Slamming my head against the wall is my first line of defense once I can’t handle them anymore. So many times have I ended up in the ER with the same excuse of falling down the stairs.
“Damn it, Phil. Get your shit together. You’re no pedophile and you know it.” I grabbed my coat and headed out the door for my monthly grocery shopping. My least favorite time of the month.
I forget what a beautiful city I live in. My tiny little house in this tiny neighborhood was nothing compared to the bustling city. The nightlife was especially a sight to behold. It’s a shame I didn't often have the chance to experience it.
“Hi, Mr.Phil!” A lovely young voice called out to me.
I turned around and stood in horror as I gazed upon the young, Ezibella.
*Child. Run.*
I turned and hurried along, shoving my head down to avoid drawing any attention.
*Do they know what I think?*
*Can they read my thoughts?*
*Am I going to hurt her?*
*Am I going to rape her?*
So many thoughts rushing through my disgusting head as I fastened my pace. I gulped loudly. I could feel the thoughts trying to break through. It was like a dam. A dam with a crack. A crack that grew larger by the second. And the cracked dam was about to burst.
*Rape her*
*Rape her*
*Rap-*
I tripped over my own feet and slammed face-first into the ground.
“Shit!” I groaned and I began lifting myself up. Footsteps were rushing behind me.
“Mr.Phil! Are you alright?” The young girl called out.
*Shit.*
My foot was twisted. I was screwed. I was going to hurt a young girl. It was unavoidable at this point.
*Please just let it be quick and let someone stop me before I go too far.*
The young, Elizabeth, crouched down beside me. “Here!”
She reached into her tiny backpack and pulled out a piece of paper. “It’s a bandaid!” She rolled up my tattered pants leg to find a scrap with minor blood.
“It’ll help your booboo get better!” She said with a grin.
My gaze rose up from the ground to see her cute little grin. I felt no urge to harm her. I felt something I had not felt in a long while. Joy. My thoughts were receding. Not completely gone but not destroying me.
“Thank you, Lizzy.” I sighed.
“Phil?” A man called.
I looked up to find a young, bearded man walking towards me with his hand in his pockets.
“Been a while. Where are you headin’?” He stopped behind Lizzy, placing his hand on her shoulder and smiling down at her. “Got in a bit of an accident I see.”
“Hey, Randy.” I pulled myself up off the ground. “I was heading to town.”
“Same here.” He replied. “Wanna grab a drink? Liz is about to head to school.”
I pondered the request for a moment before responding with a simple, “Yes.”
I walked along with Randy for a while, reminiscing about the old school days. We had been best buddies at one point in time. He said he didn’t want me in his or his daughter's life a few years back once I opened up to him about what was going on inside my head. My disgusting fucking head.
It had been 4 years since I was removed from his life. 2 Years since I isolated myself. And today I finally find myself back in the real world, facing my fears and anxiety. I won’t let my mind hold me back any longer from living my life.
“Thank yo-” I started to say before being cut off by a sudden thrust into my gut. At first, it was the feeling of a punch, but it soon turned into a sharp, violent burning sensation.
I was staring Randy dead in the eyes as he had a blood-lusting look in his pupils. I involuntarily found myself gripping his hand which was, as it would seem, holding a knife that was now deep within my insides.
“You fucking pedophile. I told you to stay away!” He screamed as he ripped the knife from my stomach, flinging blood in all directions.
An unfortunate turn of events, it would appear took place. Very unfortunate indeed. I guess I was not meant for this world. Perhaps this outcome is for the best, if not for the world, then for me. I can finally be free of these revolting thoughts.
Randy backed away, but not before I could mutter my final words. “Thank you.”
It was an exciting ending to a long-fought battle. A battle that I was not strong enough to win. I hope whoever is struggling as I am can win theirs. I smiled one last time, something I had not done in quite some time, and thought to myself once more before I slipped into an everlasting sleep.
*This illness is so fuckin’ misunderstood.*
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OCD
|
I've had this once before, this time it is less extreme. I experienced a full attack on my mental health. I remembered a terrible thing I did in the past and was overwhelmed by guilt. I was in despair upon the thought of being a monster and a bad person. I got attacked by false memories as well, questioning whether I was even worse than before. My chest and stomach were in pain etc.
I talked to my mother about it and she accepted me which I really needed. I felt better but I checked a major source of my OCD, seeking reassurance that it was just OCD and it made my mood a little worse again. It isn't as bad as before but it was still not enough to let me sleep properly. I had nightmares where the feelings I mentioned before all came back again. I woke up every few hours.
When I woke up I had to vomit a bit
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OCD
|
Before you read this if you decide to, I'm sorry about the explicit language, and also /TW for Pocd and s*icide\
_______________________________________________________
When it started out it was just like ocd. Constant questioning, flashing images and compulsions. After about two months of anxiety and all the thoughts i developed a ma**urbation and p*rn addiction. I would do it 3 to 5 times a day. At this point i was almost numb to the anxiety and i couldn't tell of i was anxious or not and my head was in a really weird space.
One day I had done it to a picture of a girl I found attractive on Instagram. I later that day went back to that same picture and was doing it but it wasn't really working.
She had recently uploaded some pictures of her as a child so i started doing a checking compulsion. To my chock i almost finished, and it went really quickly which frightens me. I stopped and went back to the picture i was looking at earlier and it wasn't working which i hope was just because i had done it to the same pic earlier thst day and because of the p*or/m**turbation addiction.
Here's comes the part that i don't understand.
Basically after the pic not working again i went back to the pictures of her as a child, imagined a sexual scenario in my head and finished, and i don't know why. It all feels very fuzzy, but i remember it not feeling like a checking compulsion.
Nothing like that has ever happened since or before that but i keep thinking back on it and its eating me from the inside. That moment gives me so much anxiety and guilt and i don't understand why i did it. I hope it happened just because of the addiction i had and the messed up place my head was in from all the testing and the numbness i was feeling.
Even if it could be because of that, it's still really messed up and it makes me feel so horrible inside. Before all the thoughts and anxiety came i had never thought of a child that way and i had only been attracted to Girls my age and older, and sometimes guys.
I still question myself everyday and lately the thoughts have been feeling quite real but I also get some anxiety, but not as strong as in the beginning. I still don't know if I'm attracted or not.
I just want everything to go back like it was before this all started. I'm gonna talk to my psychologist about this on Friday and maybe get an answer to why this happened. I really hope I'm not a p*do. I'm scared to what the answer might be.
Yesterday, thinking about that moment made me feel so horrible i wanted off myself. I'm so scared I'm an actual p. Honestly i just want someone to tell me it's okay for me to live. I feel so horrible and i don't know what to do right now.
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OCD
|
**hi, this post is going to be a bit of a long one but any help is appreciated.**
i'm 17 and my sister is 21. she has had ocd for as long as i can remember. however her symptoms got absolutely awful the last couple of years. i don't want to delve into too many details but at this point she is not eating or drinking, and the only way to get her to do that nowadays is if my parents use force, which i try to stop them, but at this point she will literally starve to death if they don't.
i understand how someone with a case of ocd like this is supposed to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist; however when her symptoms first showed up, even when she told my parents she wanted to go see a therapist, they did not take it seriously. but now that i have finally convinced them to take her, she is not listening and thinks that therapy will make her worse, and that there is nothing wrong with her behaviour.
when i managed to take her to a psychologist recently, she did not speak to her, at all.
at this point i am a little bit helpless and don't know what to do. i understand that therapy and medication are the only routes (she was also on medication at one point- but it did nothing) but right now i need her to start eating and drinking because last year she did the same thing and had to be hospitalised because of how much weight she had lost.
ocd kind of runs in my dad's family. other people have been diagnosed with it, just like my sister. when i was younger (and even at this point) i showed symptoms of ocd as well, and not to sound too insensitive, but seeing the situation with my sister i guess i kind of had to bottle it up- to make sure that i didn't "end up like her." even i am seeing a therapist these days, but it just kind of makes no sense for me to do this, when someone in my family who already has crippling ocd is not getting the help that they need, even though my symptoms are not as severe.
​
any help is appreciated. maybe if anyone has had similar experiences with a relative or friend? i just want to scratch the surface and at least get her back to eating and drinking normally, once that happens i guess i can somehow convince her to see a psych and actually talk- but i just don't know how :/
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OCD
|
brief flashes of light between the unending, limitless blackness. it’s dark again. i’m numb, sleepy, hollow, again and this time around everyone around me seems to notice. my mom finally came out and said that i’m not normal, that she thinks somethings wrong with me because i stay in the house all day till it’s dark and let shit pile up in my room. even the new friends i managed to make seem to see through me now, see past the paper-thin facade of happiness i’ve had to put up since this depressive episode started. i’m not even sure what to do anymore. i’m not even doing my schoolwork anymore i think i’m gonna flunk out AGAIN this semester. if you were to look up failure in the dictionary you would see me. all i do is sleep and indulge fantasy to escape life. the only thing keeping me alive at this point is watching tv, drawing, escaping any form of thinking about the dumpster fire i’ve created of my life.
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depression
|
I went through a couple of years of sexual trauma as a young child at the hands of my father and for some reason I sometimes cant help myself from going down rabbit holes where I think about it extensively on purpose, or watch videos of people exposing abusers, it's like the same feeling I got as a kid when watching horror movies, my adrenaline goes through the roof and I end up wondering why i seeked out in the first place or preoccupied my mind so heavily with it..
I've also got a problem where I seem to be extremely sensitive to the tiniest of noises to the point that I'm jumping in bed or even sometimes when I'm awake... It caused a lot of bullying towards me as a teen..
I'm so tired of the exhaustion every day, I haven't felt 100 percent awake in years... And it seems every month that goes by I wonder more and more how I'm ever going to make it alive into the next year, I don't want to kill myself but the more time passes the more it seems like it could really be something that I resort to. I feel like I can't put my trust fully into anyone, even the people I love and it makes me feel so isolated.. existence is starting to feel like an endless chore... I don't want to participate anymore and I hate the shame of it and I can't stand peeoples expectations for me to be happy anymore.
This post has no point.. just wanted to complain.....
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ptsd
|
Hi guys - so My OCD and anxiety has gotten really bad lately. I am good at covering it up butt the constant chatter and intrusive obsessions are killing me. I feel like I rotate between a few themes (Suicidal OCD being my main one, losing control/schizo ocd, obsessing about obsessing and even some unwanted sexual intrusive thoughts). I am in CBT once a week but it’s been like this for 8 weeks now.
I started 50 mg of Zoloft and getting on it was horrible. I was on it for 5 ish weeks and it worked well for me, but not to its fullest potential. My doctor recommended that I go up to 75 MG, so I did about two weeks ago and I feel like I’ve gotten worse since I’ve gone up. I know there’s an adjustment period Per each dosage and since the side effects for me going on the medication or horrible, I figured every time I upped my dose it will be pretty brutal. But there’s still obviously that doubt in the back of my mind. I don’t know what to do, any insight?
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OCD
|
I took my car to the mechanic this past weekend to get some work done and they happened to find a crack in my car battery. I told them just to replace it to save me the trouble.
Now, a few days later, I was telling my coworker all the work I had done on my car including the car battery. He reminded me that we replaced the battery last year after I left my headlights on for a whole day. He also reminded me that the battery I bought had a 3 year warranty on it..
Needless to say, I'm out nearly $300 and tired of forgetting everything. I really wish I didn't have ADHD.
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ADHD
|
Every day I seriously want to die. I've seen countless counselors and therapists and they have all been wastes of money and time. My parents shame me for being depressed. I just need to leave. Nothing I do matters. Or anything I say. Or any help I ask for. The End is always the same. No difference. Always the same. Plus I can't stay at any job for too long because it always comes back. I have no Idea what I'm doing or if there is anything I can do.
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aspergers
|
So I am diagnosed ADHD, had a great doc that only gave me enough meds to let me learn coping mechanisms and eventually got me off of them. My parents absolutely did not understand me and used so many of the “just focus” and other techniques we all know just don’t work. I somehow came out ok; most of my symptoms are completely under control. However, the experience was painful and I resented my parents for years after I moved out. Now my daughter is 10 and showing so many of the symptoms I recognize, and I can hear my father in my voice as I scold her for not focusing and I hate it. I try to give her coping mechanisms that I use, but they don’t always make sense to her. How do I constructively encourage her through this and help her find her own way?
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ADHD
|
hi friends i got out of a toxic relationship about six months ago and i’m starting to crave the arguments and rebelliousness that i presented. does anyone know why that is? :( i’ve only ever been in abusive relationships and i genuinely do want a healthy, supportive, loving relationship but at the same time i also want to be in one that’s extremely unhealthy … it’s so frustrating to feel this way
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ptsd
|
(M21) Hi, I just was prescribed adderall XR 30mg a few days ago.
I took my first one yesterday morning at 5:15, and didn’t feel the effects until around 6:30. It was mostly just dry mouth at first, and then around 7:30 am I got really hyper, was in a super great mood, and was more productive. I couldn’t stay focused on one task, but it was like I was able to actually do work so I worked on alot of different things. The dry mouth was so bad though that I drank over a gallon of water yesterday (usually I just have a few cups in a day).
I started to feel a bit tired around 3:00 and crashed and went back to normal around 4:00-4:30 pm. I was super sleepy all afternoon and when I went to bed early (for me) at 10:00 I still kept waking up through the night.
Today, I timed it out so that I took it at around 7:00 am. It didn’t hit until 8:30ish but this time it was only the dry mouth and some of the same physical side effects from the day before. No hyperness, still a bit tired, not in an elated mood, and still slightly irritable. It felt like I was taking a pill to just have a dry mouth lol. It’s been about 5 hours since I took it this morning and i haven’t really had any energy or been able to really do anything. It’s like it’s not even working.
Has anyone else experienced this/is this normal?
TLDR; First day of adderall was great, second day felt like it didn’t work.
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ADHD
|
When I’m trying to get out of a cycle fo thoughts, never can because of the cycles of doubt. “What if you didn’t see or feel what u thought u did” “what if you were hallucinating and don’t know it” “what if u are in such a strong state of denial that u aren’t perceiving things correctly” “what if u disassociated so hard nothing you remember is correct” “what if your memory isn’t true and it’s what you wanted to feel/see at the moment”
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OCD
|
I am SO tired of neurotypical people around me equating my spaciness to being less intelligent/less than them just because my brain works differently.
For example, I had these friends who used to poke fun at how spacey I was all the time. Now granted I am often unorganized, late to things, and a bit distant at times. But it really started to upset me after they were absolutely shocked to find out I scored a lot higher than all of them on my SAT/ACT—like they really thought I was not smart just because I’m spacey.
Probably not explaining this in the best way but hoping people can relate?? **I did start sticking up for myself when people make comments about it.
Also—Interestingly enough, ADHD tiktok has made me feel SO seen and made me realize so many of the things I do and associate with being a mess or all over the place are common adhd traits that I shouldn’t fee bad about!
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ADHD
|
Usually, my first wash consisted of a heavy amount of antibacterial hand soap on all parts of my body. Want to know what's crazy? The hand soap would give me rashes on my stomach, and I'd *still* do this ritual every time. Not engaging in this compulsion today and just washing once with regular body wash woke me up to how powerful and deceiving OCD is. My body was quite literally telling me that washing myself in hand soap like that was something it didn't like, and yet, without fail, OCD was still taking over.
Well you know what? Not anymore! I love telling OCD to shut up. I can feel the momentum now.
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OCD
|
Today, I am heading back to the one place in the world that has the source of all my pain and nightmares for years now. I have actively avoided this place for 13 years and now I force to go back. My PTSD and anxiety is already on overdrive and I haven’t even boarded the plane.
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ptsd
|
I always watch criminal psychology videos and came across one where the criminal has ASD. the video narrator makes a clear and distinct positive note that I think would be good for some to hear in general, but also to acknowledge that not everyone is so misunderstanding.
Here is the video https://youtube.com/playlist?list=UUxU5FvmDqAi2aJ9AzYA_syA
Edit: this video has almost a million views, so that means at least a million people are a step closer
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aspergers
|
I (37/m) got really overwhelmed yesterday. This month has been really rough on my girlfriend (37/f) and I’ve been trying to both work to support us and our cat “Cowboy” for the past several months when I invited her and her cat to move in with me.
Her job isn’t going well. She has a learning disability and ADHD and is falling behind and struggling with the demands of her job. She’s asked for help but her supervisors have told her to essentially pound sand. One even suggested this isn’t the job for her. She needs to leave but she doesn’t have a job lined up and doesn’t know what she wants to do.
Our condo is also very cluttered and dirty. I get overwhelmed when there isn’t cleanliness and order. We’ve worked towards it for months but it feels like every time we take a step forward towards organization, we take several steps back because it’s all undone with leaving our stuff just lying everywhere without being put back or cleaning. It feels like all I do is clean. Because of this, I had to cancel my annual Christmas party with my family that I look forward to planning every year. We have a Christmas tree which is usually decorated around this time every year but is being delayed because the lights aren’t working and we’re both not really in the right frame of mind to do so.
Cowboy’s health isn’t good either. He has cancer and is experiencing growths on his face which we’re both concerned about it. He also has a bad habit of peeing on the bathroom floor and missing his litter box. It’s happening often and it’s frustrating. We’ve taken him to where he has his accidents and scolded him for doing so before cleaning it up. It happened again yesterday. Cowboy had a vet appointment today so we can see what’s going on.
Her mother has been fighting cancer and is currently in the hospital with a fever. She’s expected to be released in a couple of days but it’s been a very tough road.
The tipping point for me was going out to buy Christmas tree lights and them being sold out. And it wasn’t helped that my z Christmas present surprises was ruined after she accidentally found the hiding space. I was so burned out that I was refusing to eat dinner and I finally just collapsed on the couch and started sobbing.
Girlfriend came over and just held me as I just bawled like a baby. I just apologized repeatedly for not doing well enough to keep her happy and she asked what was bothering me. Between sobs, I told her my frustrations about not being able to make her happy with her job, giving her comfort about the cat and disappointment over not being able to keep up my holiday traditions. She continued to hold me and said we could still hold our holiday party but it’s too close to Christmas and there isn’t enough time to get ready for it. I told her I felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job to make her happy but she reassure me I was. She’s trying to help me as much as she can and I’m trying to help myself by getting in touch with my therapist.
But I’m feeling like giving up on this month and cancelling Christmas altogether. I feel like throwing out our tree and just moving on.
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aspergers
|
Like the title says, I'm quitting my medication. I'm 7 months pregnant and want to breastfeed my baby. Unfortunately I can't do that with medication since the doctors don't know how it will affect my baby. So I decided to slowly quit before giving birth.
Today I was at work, unmedicated, and I could hear all the conversations around me. It was horrible. I couldn't not hear it, it just pored in and I was completely overwhelmed. I'm wondering if this is how I always experienced life without medication, but I just can't remember. I decided to email myself some notes and go home to finish work. Off course I didn't do the work and watched a season of BoJack.
Not looking forward to the upcoming 8 months like this... -_-
Anybody went through something similar? How did you cope?
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ADHD
|
Basically my doctor told me the NHS isn't taking referrals for ADHD for people in university because if I got into uni it's not "severe enough" IM ABOUT TO DROP OUT BECAUSE IM FAILING. I DONT WANT TO DROP OUT.
I've been through the shit system for nearly 10 years and now I have no hope of getting a diagnosis without spending money I don't have ???!!
Im not even angry or sad anymore I'm just numb.
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ADHD
|
TW: Sexual abuse
I don't remember what age I was but I know I'm young at that time. I was awake somewhere in a morning and my stepdad is near me besides my bed. I did look at him and I quickly look away. I was pretending to sleep and hoping he's gone. I actually felt his tongue licking me on my shoulder. I don't want to explain in detail but he licked me on my chest and bottom area. He whispered my saying to not tell mom which I listen. I was scared and disgusted at that time. It's only one time to do it, the other times he tried but I'm afraid if he did do it in my sleep.
I finally talk to mom about it around 13yrs old and she talks to dad. My mom talked to me again and said that my dad is drunk or smoking which is a dumb excuse and he probably defended himself.
At still 15 or probably 16yrs old, I was developing trauma. I been thinking about it at night and cried and I'm paranoid around dad. My mom and dad split up and everytime we visited him, I cried and said to not go. I don't want to see him or trying to touch. Paranoia really affected me allot. Thank god we stop around August or September.
He isn't the only one who did it to me but I only pay attention to him because he's a person I "trusted".
I started to realize that around a month ago, I'm developing paranoia around adult men or boys that I barely met them or talk to them and I don't even know why. Maybe my trauma or I been sexually assaulted, or both.
Anyway, I finally got therapy for SA and I'm glad my mom understand it. I didn't get diagnose with PTSD. I was hoping I don't. But I want to ask, is it possible to have PTSD without having a flashback? I only think about trauma but I get afraid or trigger to be around my dad and a place (My dad's home). I'm just here in this sub to support anyone who has PTSD or sorta relate to them. And I was thinking if I could get a diagnosis to doctor and get treatment for my anxiety but I don't know when. I was thinking if I should wait a bit longer to see if something changes or not (I still been struggling for a passed 2 or 3yrs now).
Sorry for my English writing/grammar by the way, English isn't my first language
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ptsd
|
I think we can all agree OCD traps us into very black and white/ all or nothing thinking when it comes to deciding whether a thing we have done is 'bad' but the thing is even good people aren't 100% good all the time. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone without exception has done things they regret. The difference btween us and 'bad' people is that bad people don't care if they've done a bad thing, if they've caused harm, and will just carry on doing bad things. The path to getting better is learning not to be afraid of having done something bad but accepting the uncertainty that you might have done something bad, sit with the uncomfortable feeling and it will pass. It takes a lot of practice but you can get there and take it from someone who knows confessing and seeking reassurance makes it a lot worse.
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OCD
|
I am currenty experiencing anger, i feel like i could punch someone. What the fuck is wrong with me?
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OCD
|
Many people advise breaking large tasks into smaller pieces so you can increase your focus and manage the project better. My challenge is the opposite. It is difficult for me to focus and maintain mental energy when an assignment has many pieces. For example, when I have to write an essay with 1 lengthy outline, I can keep working on it for hours. However, when I have to write one essay with four small subtopics, it takes as long as four essays! When I have one photo that needs 20 edits, it's easier for me to keep working continuously than when I have 20 photos that each one needs only one edit. I feel that the energy I need to concentrate and finish a task is enough for only one, no matter how long it takes! I wonder if the other people with ADHD have the same issue? And if so, how do you manage it?
|
ADHD
|
tw // seizures , alcoholism
hello , so when i was 13 i saw my dad have a seizure. he's had health complications for years related to alcoholism but that was the first time id ever seen him go though anything, all of the other times id been taken out of class to be told etc but i had never physically watched and been with him when something happened.
we called the ambulance etc and he was okay. im nearing 16 now and he's had four seizures since, ive been there for all but one of them.
before all of these there were noises. a loud bang of him falling out of bed, weird noises of him trying to call for help upstairs but being unable to make real words.
every single time he has one my fear gets bigger. this happens mainly at night. my parents both snore and sleep talk and we have thin walls so i stay awake until early hours of the night just listening to see if things are okay
i hear a slight noise and have to pause whatever im watching or doing to see if someone is having a seizure. it feels like i physically cant move and i lose so much sleep over it.
i want to know if people think i have ptsd from this. i know that strangers online cant diagnose me but my school have a track record of making people's mental health worse and my parents say that you can only have pstd if you've been in the war so i cant say anything to them.
help ? i guess ? do you think i should look into getting help specifically for ptsd ?
thank you for reading this long messy post aha x
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ptsd
|
My last post was too short so I hope this edit is better.
The last few years I’ve been obsessive about things. It was internet marketing for years, bodybuilding, diet, and more recently the introduction of cannibas.
I also find myself obsessing over negative things and always thinking about how I feel.
It always felt like ocd or something (my uncle has it) but I think it’s just my adhd hyperfixation on things. I don’t know how to stop or even calm myself down honestly - new meds have helped some but I just end up talking or thinking about the same things over and over me again
Have any of you dealt with this successfully?
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ADHD
|
I've always been a sub-zero appetite person to begin with, but with Adderall I have no appetite. At all. Even if I go off of it for a day or two my appetite doesn't come back. I get nauseated if I eat when I'm not hungry so I can't just force myself to eat either. Currently I'm drinking a jaw-dropping amount of Soylent (I'm talking 6 to 8 bottles a day so I can at least maintain my weight) and it's killing my wallet, but liquids are the only thing I can stomach. Also, I'm pretty sure it's just not good for me in general to be chugging that much Soylent.
I've been trying to gain weight for years to build muscle and Adderall has been really stunting my progress. Any tips on stimulating my appetite? Any foods that are calorie dense but do not feel physically dense?
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ADHD
|
Hello, I am a 21 year old Male
if you want to skip over and get to the main issue scroll down to the bottom 🙂
BACKGROUND: Around a year ago my life changed when I stumbled upon a video that would lead me to suspect I had an actual issue. To keep the story short, since I know some of us ADHD people can’t focus on a paragraph that’s too long, I felt that for once in my life I was understood. I wasn’t lazy. it wasn’t my wrong doing to why i would lose things. It wasn’t my fault that, despite my GPA, I couldn’t focus in school or accomplish small tasks. It wasn’t my fault that my emotions felt dysregulated. It’s been a year since being diagnosed with ADHD, and it’s been a journey to say the least.
MY ISSUE: Getting to the point, I was prescribed Adderall 30MG IR 2x a day. At first it felt like I had been blind my entire life and for once I was able to see. But that phase would end, as we know the honeymoon was over. But still even if things weren’t the same my emotions were in check, I could focus even if it wasn’t for a long period of time. One 30mg IR now lasts me maybe an hour and a half. Still even with the built up tolerance, I was managing. I could tell that my medicine would kick in due to the fact that my bowel would move. i would have to use the bathroom and i felt the effects right away. For the last week or so, i haven’t felt this and i’m worried. Have i built such a tolerance already? I’m not sure what’s happened but i feel more lost than ever before. My emotions are all over the place, and quiet frankly even worse than they’ve ever been. I’m back to an even worse version of myself. I’m hoping maybe someone else in the community can relate and has any advice. Any help is much appreciated.
SUMMARY IF YOU WANT TO SKIP: Bowel moved when taking adderal, this was my indicator that the pills kicked in. After a year, for the last week this is not taking place and i’m not sure why. I now cant feel the benefits of the medication. anyone maybe know why?
Thank you. All responses are much appreciated.
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ADHD
|
I (20f) was diagnosed around 12 or 13 and my entire life I've felt strange. I know I'm a person but I've always felt a disconnect, like I'm not fully a person and I'm just kind of *existing*. Like everyone else is grounded and awake and I'm kind of stuck somewhere. I hear talk of depersonalization but I can't remember a time I DIDN'T feel like this, how can it be depersonalization if there was nothing else there to begin with? I have feelings and thoughts and a personality but I look at other people and I don't see ANY resemblance. I even find it hard to connect with other people on the spectrum. I just kinda feel like an alien living the life of a person and it makes me feel kinda sad. Is this something other aspies feel? How do you find peace with the feeling?
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aspergers
|
I'm not sure if it's a common OCD thing, or if it's more specific to me, but I'm curious to know.
When you inhale deep, like preparing for a yawn, do you feel like there is a sort of "barrier" that you have to inhale past for it to feel 'right'? It's like something I can physically feel in my chest, and if I can't quite get there, I'll usually keep trying to inhale just to get to the point and not freak out. Anyone else experience anything like this?
|
OCD
|
It’s a few days until thanksgiving . And on my way to work today I got hit with a swarm of deep depression. I’m always depressed but today it hit like a train out of no where. I don’t know if it’s because of the holidays or if it’s because I’m remembering things . I’m in a bad bad spot in life right now and I’m at ground zero having to restart literally everything in my life. It’s been extremely hard. This time , last year I had my own place and hosted the holidays at my house . I had so much last year but I was still depressed at that time. I wish I wasn’t built like this. I ruin my own life everytime . I’m not sure if anyone will read this but I just want to get it off my chest. There’s not really anyone in my life I want to share this with so Reddit is my safe place right now… why do I deserve such a hard life? Kind of a rhetorical question I guess…
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depression
|
I got my diagnosis for adhd however, they was only testing for adhd. My older sister had autism.
I feel like I may be suffering with another type of disorder due to the fact I'm really struggling with my daily life. I can barely function on a day to day basis, I might have a couple good days then the rest of the week, I might only eat one meal a day.
Let my responsibilities be neglected, dont care if I live or die, feel on edge with anxiety not want to leave my home, feel internally angry and often flip out the minute I feel the smallest disrespect.
I have so many internal issues, it's hard to know where to begin and how to talk to a dr about how I feel because it changes so often.
Any advice is appreciated.
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ADHD
|
Hi All,
I thought I would share some wisdom that I have learnt recently. I have been taking cold showers for around three weeks. It is supposed to help with feelings of depression, anxiety and to raise happiness levels. I am pretty pleased with it because I am yet to have a really bad day, nor a full blown meltdown.
Just thought I’d share because it has been helpful here. Has anyone else tried it?
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aspergers
|
I met a girl 2 weeks ago and we like each other. We trust each other, but I am afraid that she will treat me differently than she treats me now if I tell her.
|
aspergers
|
Remedies for battling sever depression when nothing works
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depression
|
It's a complete pressure. Why is it still going on? It never gives me peace. I just want a life without OCD. I'm trying to relax to ease myself.
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OCD
|
I can’t be the only one, especially when I was a kid, who would be up late into the night watching TV and end up finding themselves watching a repeat of the My Pillow or Sham Wow infomercial?
The remote is right next to me, and I’m sick of watching, but another hour passes by and I’m couch locked watching Dr Pepper and Wine being soaked out of carpets..
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ADHD
|
I'm not in school this semester and don't have a job so I am basically routine-less until the end of August. And it SUCKS. I hate this I have no idea what to do with my life or my time. I don't like books or movies and there's not much to do.
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aspergers
|
any one else used propranolol? i have severe ocd and panic attacks and went off lexapro last nov. because I finally got to a point where i didn’t need it. now after a lot of health anxiety and ocd my dr prescribed propranolol to help manage the panic and also the high blood pressure i’m getting while i’m having panic attacks. i was prescribed 10mg and i took it about an hour ago so i’m hoping that this will help set me back up to be normal again and not have this constant horrible panic
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OCD
|
So, like many others I only got diagnosed this year at age 28 and am still very early in my journey of working out an effective way to live and manage my ADHD simultaneously.
I'm lucky to have found a full time job in admin that pays above the minimum wage (the cost of living is astronomical in my country and city) and gives me the varied daily tasks and sporadic projects I need in order to remain stimulated and actually satisfied with the work I'm doing.
However, thanks to the huge amount of tasks and projects that keep getting added to my already-full work schedule I'm constantly juggling and trying to manage...... at the end of my day I find myself so burnt out and exhausted I'm almost physically unable to do anything other than lie down and rest and read/watch something.
Even communicating with friends or family feels too exhausting sometimes.
It feels like everyone else has so much time and energy that I cannot seem to find. It honestly feels like other people have twice the hours in a day and twice the days in a average week than I do.
It's gotten so bad to the point I find myself struggling to find the energy and time to do self-care things like showering, brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc.
I feel like a failure of an adult because I can barely cope doing what feels the bare minimum.
I have talked to both my psychiatrist and psychologist about this, and both have given the same recommendation of reducing the amount of hours I work.
I'd love to reduce my hours or drop to part time to try and get things under control... but the cost of living in my city is so bad the resulting drop in my pay would mean my partner and I would not be able to survive.
I don't want to quit my job, but I also know I cannot continue like this indefinitely. It just feels like "everyday life" is too much and I need to scale it back.
I'm trying to write out a "cheat sheet" of things I can say when I muster the strength to talk to my manager & boss about this.... but it seems like a somewhat impossible and futile task asking to be paid more to do less work.
I just don't know what I can possibly do to make things better as I feel very stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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ADHD
|
I know not everybody likes them, but to me I think they're a really interesting element of language, sort of like the predecessor to internet memes... If you've got a question about them maybe I can help
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aspergers
|
After years of denying myself any kind of comfort or soothing, I'm trying to make a list of things that aspies/autistic people tend to like that might help. I'm also looking for things that might make it easier to take care of myself (e.g. three-sided toothbrush already on the list below). I have thought of some things already but I keep forgetting to write some things down.
So far, I have:
* weighted blanket
* 3-sided toothbrush to help with dental hygiene
* large stuffed toy (this one is just a personal taste I think...)
So I was wondering if any of you have some other products that you can think of to add to the list.
By the way, there are some things that I already have that bring me comfort, namely a super soft heated blanket as well as a great detangling brush for helping me take of my hair better. I'd also recommend some blackout curtains, that helps a lot with bright light during the day.
|
aspergers
|
Hi, my name is Liz and I'm a 30 year old woman with a lot of past trauma. Specifically, most of the trauma happened when I was a child living with parents who were abusive to one another and myself. I seem to be having flashbacks to things that have happened in my current relationship though. My partner likes to drink and I do not. I have no problem with anyone drinking around me, it's just that I don't find pleasure in it myself. He has acted in very scary and mean ways while drinking, and even though it has been over a year since he has done anything like this, I seem to be having issues. I lay in bed and sometimes have memories (that prior I didn't remember, or hadn't thought of in a long time) and they feel real. For example: he screamed in my face one time, and I had a memory of it the other night. I felt his voice causing my whole body to shake and rattle. I felt my life being possibly threatened. It took quite some time to shake the residual feelings and go to sleep.
After experiencing the flashbacks, or experiencing something he has done, I tend to dissociate. At least I think it's dissociation. I actually welcome it and LIKE the feeling. I just kind of go away. I can't see what's in front of me or hear what people say. I go on autopilot or just stare into nothingness. It almost feels like maybe I'm going cross-eyed, lol. But no one has confirmed this for me. Although, as a child, my teachers would accuse me of "daydreaming" all the time. I would try to explain to my mom that I wasn't "thinking" of anything. I was just in a daze. She said, well whatever it is, just cut it out, lol.
I like this feeling of being numb or calm and unaware. Is that unusual? Are these signs of PTSD? I really am not sure and just looking for some answers and possibly some people out there who are going through the same. Most of the time I hear people describe dissociation as an unwanted or unpleasant thing. So, I'm a little confused as to why I welcome the sensation. (Most of the time, unless I'm trying to do something important)
I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. I hope you are doing well during these difficult times. Much love to you all ❤❤❤
|
ptsd
|
im so scared to have children. the thought of changing diapers terrifies me. i cant do it and i dont know if i will ever be able to without feeling disgusted with myself.
can anyone relate?
|
OCD
|
i mean i hate the nightmares, both ones about the traumatic situation and just the general tendency i have towards really intense, scary dreams. but way worse is having a dream where i'm dating the guy who assaulted me and it's a perfectly nice and happy relationship, and then i wake up and remember what he actually did and i feel so disgusted with him and my subconscious and the dream version of myself who apparently forgot all that. we were never even in a relationship in real life.
bad start to my morning right here
|
ptsd
|
So I believe this is contamination OCD, please correct me if I’m wrong, but every time a person I don’t like, a food I don’t like, or an object that belongs to a person that I don’t like, touches me, I can like still feel it after it stops touching me. I have to viciously wash off that part of my body that has been touched by whatever it is that I got touched by. (My brother just handed me a chicken nugget with sauce and I hate sauce so my body just started flipping out and I’ve wiped of my hand multiple times but can still feel it!!!!) this is common if I’m correct, right? Or some form of this?
|
OCD
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