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Hi everyone,
Has any one of you tried EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as a treatment for PTSD? Today my therapist brought it up as a possible treatment and it sounds pretty good, but I’ve never heard of it and I would like to get some first hand account before booking some sessions. Is it really as effective as they say? Are the sessions very emotionally intense? Thanks
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ptsd
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I graduated six years Ago and something that causes a great deal of my depression is that the people from highschool don’t like me and think bad things about me. It’s driving me to want to commit suicide.
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depression
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I've recently been taking an inventory of all the past abuse, and experiencing the pain that I was supposed to feel when being with my abusers. I am now paying an unpaid toll.
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ptsd
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Like we might be suffering from OCD when it comes to a specific chore?
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OCD
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So my boyfriend gives me my medicine at night. I take my antidepressants at night and he leaves my Adderall on the dresser for when I wake up. When he was giving it to me I noticed he had emptied the Adderall bottle and I was worried we were out. But he explained that there was another bottle. I was relieved, but I started thinking about my Adderall and seeing my psychiatrist for a refill. I think because I was so focused on it, my brain thought it was time to take it. I thought if I took my antidepressants right after it'd be ok because it makes me sleepy but I've been awake for 6 hours. So it's 5 pm, send help.
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ADHD
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You know you’re being annoying and are probably wrong about somethings in the argument but you just keep going.
I had an argument with my cousin earlier. It was about something stupid and I am aware that some of the things I said were factually wrong. So, I ended up saying he’s right. But now I’m embarrassed and my instinct is to be annoying/say things I shouldn’t. Nothing mean or wrong but just nitpick things unnecessarily to prove I’m right.
Therapist says it’s part of the impulsivity T-T
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ADHD
|
So, after suffering from a range of physical symptoms over the course of over five years, I finally discovered in late 2018 that I was almost certainly suffering from PTSD, stemming primarily from a violent rape at the hands of a previous partner back in 2011. After being off sick from work and giving a variety of excuses, claiming possible chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, I finally came clean to my line manager about the PTSD, only to have the email ignored. Without having to go into a huge amount of detail about the situation, I eventually became more ill which resulted in one day, when I was in work, not feeling ill as such, but definitely distressed, (due to finding out revenge porn had been posted online and sent to several mutual friends) only to be removed from the office, told I was ill and to go home, despite me protesting that I wasn’t actually ill. I was informed by my manager that all the members of my team were “concerned” about me ( news to me, none of them had sent so much as a text or email expressing said concern, much less said anything to my face), and told to leave. On returning to the office, I was met with a walk of silence from everyone, line manager included, which further embarrassed me and worsened my mental state. When my manager finally spoke to me about it - a month later and only after Intervention by his manager - he said nothing had been discussed only concern raised but he was very vague on the issue even when I pressed him on it and explained how distressed I was. Things have just got worse ever since and I would have left the company for sure, had I not been able to work from home due to COVID 19. I requested a new line manager as it looked like I would be able to make a move to permanently working from home as I just felt I was better off out of that office environment altogether. But then over the weekend, my manager sent me an email which seemed to suggest that there had been discussions over my health with the team, when it was obvious to everyone that I was “in a bad way”. This was despite telling me no such thing had taken place and never even making any steps to discuss my illness with me! He had further gone on to justify discussing my health with my colleagues by saying it came froM a place of concern! This without any of the other employees expressing any concern or even speaking to me at all in some cases! I am beyond distraught and feel very violated and basically walked off the job this morning in tears. I feel so upset by this that I literally don’t know what I will do. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you for reading
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ptsd
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My husband was just officially diagnosed with level one autism yesterday. In a way, I feel so relieved because I feel like that is the missing puzzle piece we needed. Now we can learn to speak each other’s language and be better partners. On the other hand, some aspects of it are just very overwhelming. My sister is on the spectrum and I still did not notice it in my husband so this is a total surprise. How can I help convey that we are a team and in this together? Will he still feel like that if he sees my grieve? I really don’t want to mess this up. I have told him all of this, but I need to make sure I’m not missing anything.
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aspergers
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I’ve tried to take my own life for 5 times, does this make me me a bad person? I’m being accused of being selfish and reckless but hearing these only makes me want to try for one last time. I feel trapped.
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depression
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I feel like a lot of posts in this sub are about life-changing experiences, people that start crying because they can't believe the change that has come into their lives. It's not that I'm underwhelmed, I am grateful for what is happening in my life right now. I am happy but for me, the wheel isn't getting reinvented, it's more than the wheel is finally spinning more consistently so I definitely not Scarlett Johansson in 'Lucy' or Bradley Cooper in 'Limitless'.
Since I got diagnosed, I've had a monthly meeting with my psychiatrist and during my last one, it kind of hit me. I am getting more consistent. Whatever I have to do for school or work, I keep pushing myself to do my best, even to a degree of ridiculous but good attention to detail.
I'm very grateful for that, it's like I'm that pre-diagnosed me, that seldomly had these amazing moments of ~~hyper~~\-focus in which I gave my best. I loved that me and now I get to be that more often and that's amazing. I still can't fathom reading a book but to be honest, I haven't tried it yet.
I think another way to put it for me is that now I'm more about aiming to get very good grades and getting good ones instead of aiming to get mediocre grades and barely passing.
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ADHD
|
I’m an adult, still live with my parents - traditional Asian household living in the US. Since a young age my parents have been really clueless parents, good people, but fuck really clueless parents.
They never discussed anything except religion and education. We grew up poor, thankfully well off now.
I was sexual abused for years from an extended family member and I recently came out and told everyone a couple years ago. It’s one of the first memories I have and I had to be my own therapist growing up. During the same time that was happening I was getting bullied at school for being small framed and Muslim. I had no real friends for a long time and when I did make a friend she also had gone through a lot of trauma so she didn’t know how to be a good friend to me.
I grew up I poverty to the point my parents had to budget in McDonalds into our expenses. So I never really asked for money or presents or anything. Because of financial stress they would fight all the time. They’ve shaped my view growing up to solidify that marriage and kids are not for me and not the future I want.
Muslim parents, please talk to your kids about sex and sexuality. And make sure you have discussions and explain your views and the reasons, not just shush them and stress that it is haram and that’s all. My father stopped talking to me last year after he found out I was bisexual and just recently started talking to me again because of a problem my brother is going through that he has brought upon himself and our family. My father not talking to me and not acknowledging my existence has only created more depression and anxiety.
I got into an abusive relationship in college and stopped attending my classes, broke up with him and dropped out. A few years have passed since then and I never completed my degree. During the in between I made a friend that I dated which turned into another abusive relationship. We are still friends but I have tried numerous times to convey that I want to go in different directions, but he only stresses that if I leave he will kill himself and that I need to be a better person and he’ll be the one to help make me a better person. When in reality he is holding me back from living the life I want, or really any life at all.
I’ve had multiple panic attacks and anxiety attacks and fallen right back into the depression that I was in when I was in a relationship with my friend. The most peaceful time of my life as when he and I parted ways after I broke up with him and now I feel suicidal on and off.
He won’t let me go. I’m scared and depressed and my life is literally not moving forward at all, if anything it’s moving backwards.
My health is deteriorating. I’m losing weight and I’m already underweight so that’s adding to my depression. I got into a car accident a few weeks ago and it was the other drivers fault but there’s been no headway on fixing my car and it’s not drivable so I don’t have any transportation. There were no physical injuries from the crash thankfully.
I’m suffering from memory loss and my mental acuity has degraded significantly. I get faint and dizzy and suffer from random headaches, my vision is blurred as well and sometimes I see random flashes of light. Everything seems pointless, but I don’t want to die. I know how beautiful life can be and I want to live the type of life that I deserve.
So, I’m going to run away. Run away in the sense that I’m going to save up enough to move out and when I do move out I’m changing my phone number and moving somewhere far and not telling anyone of my location. I don’t mind not having any friends or family from my current into my future, if that means that I can finally have some peace for once.
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depression
|
Sometimes it feels like a switch flips off in my brain for weeks at a time and it makes me 100% incapable of keeping track of anything.
I can't remember appointments, i can't make important phone calls, I can't keep track of time at all (like, I don't know what day it is no matter how many times I check).
The simplest tasks get so convoluted, it's like I can't remember any of the steps for anything, it's like everything's a giant knot in my head and i can't focus long enough to untangle any of it. It's so frustrated and it makes me feel like I'm not qualified to be a real person.
I'm very overwhelmed and it feels like my only option right now is to jump from task to task, not really absorbing anything because my brain is still off, and hope I can keep doing that without having a panic attack until my brain decides to turn itself back on.
And I am currently late for s class where i haven't turned in ANY assignment so far. Man i really need my brain to turn back on soon.
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ADHD
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I'm quite terrified of my thoughts right now. I've been diagnosed with Harm OCD and I've been taking medication and going to CBT. But lately this one thought keeps plaguing me. My Harm OCD theme is I'm always scared of killing my mom and sister. I live with them for 18 years now. the thoughts had started to get less frequent but now a thought crossed my mind and it keeps bugging me, it makes me feel like I'm going crazy. It says that if I kill them my life will be better/ I'll get rid of my fears. I'm convinced I should be admitted in a mental hospital or something, because they're the people I care about the most in this world. But ever since my harm ocd was triggered I don't feel a connection with people anymore so I'm scared of losing my love for them (or if that has already happened). Has this happened to anyone else?
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OCD
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DESCRIPTION: I am a 20 year old son of a mother who has provided so much for my two other siblings and I. My older brother has been a serious problem in the family over the last couple years and has caused my mom a MASSIVE deal of stress and depression, I am worried my mom might even become suicidal. It is so hard for me to help my mom out and be the one she has to rely on to vent to because there is no father figure in the picture, however I want to help her so bad, I just don't know what to do. Someone please help. I battle with anxiety and mild depression myself and as a psychology student there is only so much I can help my mom with from what I have learned thus far. I’m not sure how to carry the weight of all of this and it makes me feel shitty to even think about that because she's my mom. As of right now I am really the only person my mom can rely on and talk to due to the fact that my older brother is one of the main issues, and my sister is too young to have this affecting her, but I'm not sure if I can do that, but I also feel awful even questioning that. What do I do.
EDIT: I should also mention that I don't live at home, I live at university which is about 3 hours away. My little sister is the only sibling who lives at home still.
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depression
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Hey all. Lurker on this sub for a couple months, but this week I was diagnosed with moderate ADHD-C! I feel incredibly relieved. I'm looking forward to getting the treatment I've always needed.
I think I'm more on the inattentive side because that's how most of my symptoms present, so it was never super obvious. I've also suffered from anxiety on and off from a pretty young age, then depression in college. My parents have always accused me of being a hypochondriac. Probably due to the emetophobia which aggravated the anxiety and vice versa, I would constantly be freaking out. When they forced me to go back to therapy when I was in college, they sat me down intervention style and told me I was a pain to be around. So take a guess as to how they responded to this diagnosis.
My dad has actually been very supportive. He has it (undiagnosed) and has also struggled with alcoholism in the past. He understands how my brain works. My mom, on the other hand, has no clue. No matter how much I try to educate her, it's like she's refusing to understand because she doesn't believe it exists. Or it's "too much information" for her. "Well doesn't everyone have these problems sometimes?", "You aren't hyper though. Isn't that what it means?" She's very conservative and has absolutely ridiculous veiws about science and medicine in general, so her opinions shouldn't matter to me. But this is something I've only recently realized I've been struggling with my entire life. I've been able to cope with some of it through the therapy I received for the other diagnoses, but I truly had no idea this was the real issue. I'm so excited and relieved to have finally gotten to the bottom of it all. I guess I was hoping for more empathy and interest on her part. Who am I kidding though, that's never been the case with my mental health.
She claims she knows her children so well to the point where I can't make claims about who I am because she doesn't see it. Therefore it's confusing and I'm probably just making it up anyway. I'm sure some of you have experienced this, so any suggestions? I can't make her be less ignorant about it, clearly. Maybe I should just forget about it. It does make me kind of sad though.
TLDR; My mom is essentially dismissing my recent diagnosis. She seems almost uncomfortable despite me trying to educate her. Suggestions? Should I leave it?
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone,
I feel like I am an intruder in this group as I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but I identify with a lot of the symptoms.
I have felt different since childhood and in my early 20s I finally went to see a clinical psychologist about this. I have been tested and was subclinical, but I didn't identify with a lot of things that came out. Therapy helped with quite a few issues I was struggling but I haven't done any in years as I felt that I accomplished all that I could with that clinical psychologist.
Recently, listening to a podcast done by this woman with ADHD, in which she described her symptoms I found myself identifying with a lot of what she was going through so I started researching more on this and thinking I might have ADHD myself.
I am due to have an appointment with my GP to discuss this and to seek a professional assessment, so I am now actively pursuing an answer to this.
In the meantime I have discussed this with a few close people: my mother, my partner and a friend who suffers with her mental health and gets professional support. To summarise the outcome:
My mother said it's definitely not ADHD
My partner said I'm fixed on getting a positive diagnostic as I am not seeking a general assessment
My friend said I should stop researching and just speak with a specialist
Based on others that have shared their experiences with getting a diagnostic in adulthood, their recommendations is to seek others' experiences in order to put together a case for yourself so the concerns are not easily dismissed by professional.
I am now in my 30s and keen to understand what's the root cause of my disfunctionality and what can I do about it whether it's treatment or just basic strategies
I would like advice on how best to explore this avenue further, should I further explore others' experiences and make a list of why I think I have it and what symptoms I present, and also to get your opinion on whether I am going the wrong way about it.
Many thanks for reading my post and for any advice/suggestions you might share with me.
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ADHD
|
Hello, I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. Basically in Summer 2019 i was an inpatient at a hospital for 9 weeks. I suffer from severe OCD and back then believed it would plague me for life.
However, fast forward to March 2020-December 2020 i would genuinely say i was close to being OCD free. Sure, i had a few rough days and didnt always stay on track but for 7 months i actually felt happy and ocd wasnt really much of a problem. 2021 has been relatively rough so far but its nice to think of how far ive come.
I know lockdown is depressing but hopefully this gives u all some belief that with enough hard work and determination it is possible to get the better of this illness. Ryan :)
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OCD
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I always had less money than my friends, due to my dad being a single parent to me and my sister, and only making around £15k a year. But I've never really cared where I'm living ,or what I wore, I was always happy, because I could go out with my friends play football, or go on bike rides etc. Now that we're older and everybody is doing there own thing, there parents have all bought them cars, and got them high end jobs, whereas I'm working a minimum wage where all my money goes on rent, food, and bills, I can't even afford to go enjoy myself drinking with my friends, or save for a car.
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depression
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When I was 19 I got with my ex who was 16 it was a bad mistake but now my brain is telling me that since I did that I must like people under the age of 18 my brain keeps going back and forth from telling me I do and I'm telling me I don't I feel like I'm forcing myself to feel a certain way telling me I'm lying to myself am I?
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OCD
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Whenever I go out, I´m afraid of being noticed. I try to make myself invisible and I try to be quiet. I don´t know how much of it is reasonable and how much of it is paranoia. A part of me believes that there can´t possibly be a positive reason for others to pay attention to me. I feel like I either walk weird or look weird or maybe my shoelaces have come undone. I usually wear a long - sleeved blouse, blue jeans and sneakers, and I try to wear very simple/plain colors that don´t stand out. A few times men have called out to me, and I always blame myself for "failing in staying undetected". I rarely go out because being around strangers causes me so much distress.
I´m guessing it´s because I´ve fallen down a few times and people have laughed at me, sometimes I´ve forgotten to say hello, and sometimes I´ve failed to notice a person addressing me (and numerous other instances), which makes going out very embarrassing for me.
I was wondering whether anyone else is experiencing a similar thing?
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aspergers
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I am a 26 year old male I was diagnosed with ADHD has a small kid have not taken any medication other than Adderall but that was a long time ago now I’m trying to find a good company to find a good reliable non-side effect medicine to take for ADHD. I’ve been looking into the company brillia it looks like a really good medicine just was going to see if anybody has ever taken it on this group? Also if anybody has any suggestions on any other medicines out there I am all ears just looking for something to help with my ADHD I have looked into Nootroopic I have been taking alpha brain for a while it has helped a good bit just not what I’m looking for overall I am more foggy headed than anything can’t stay on track looking for something that will focus My mind and calm down my anxiety
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ADHD
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Or is it revenge on imaginary person? Or I want to fuck up that person?
Basically there are some things broken and I know that I should not use them or should not do some things because something bad might happen and I'm gonna be in trouble but still do it like a player who takes risk, like, 'I know I should not do this and I better take some precautions before pressing this button, but, nah, man, let's not, I'm so lazy for all these precautions, let's just press the button, and be done with it, and then see what's gonna happen, and then take ourselves out of the bad situation that would occur'. I fucked myself up so many times and then spent fucking hours fixing things. First I break, then I fix. Like a child. Press this button, that button, and see what happens. And when I feel these moments, when I gotta make a decision, it's such a conflict. I feel such a temptation. It's like part of me wants it, or I want it, fuck up things, and then the other stops, says me not to do this but I don't listen to it, or not always. It's push and pull, or just two persons pulling in different directions. It's such an urge and temptation. And then, while being very nervous, I fix things and am left burnt out. Can this fucking inner fight be over? It's like deep down I want one thing and do the other. It's like I'm an enemy to myself. It's like I'm tripping myself. Why am I such an enemy to myself? Or is this some kind of a punishment? Like when a child broke something and is punished.
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ptsd
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This quarter I signed up for a 300 level comparative literature class at my college to fulfill one of my degree requirements. This was a huge mistake. Now i’m stuck reading a sci-fi novel from the 1800s that i’m not even slightly interested in. How do I get myself to actually read these books, let alone get myself to mentally process the words i’m reading and not just gloss over the pages?
Anybody have any methods or advice for reading things that you don’t want to read?
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ADHD
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A friend I really care about got diagnosed. We used to be close, but at the moment aren’t - but I still care and want to help.
His family is at a loss, the situation is deteriorating, and they feel like I might be the only one he’d listen too.
He’s been at home for over a year. Won’t see a psychiatrist and refuses to consider meds.
He’s a smart, brilliant guy (21yo), very into science and stuff.
The one time I was able to talk to him, I explained how meds helped me with my mental illness (unrelated to ocd).
He said he understood that the only way forward is taking meds (2 psychologists told him the situation is bad and there’s no choice), but he is too afraid.
He says he’s worried that it will “change his brain”, or “change who he is”. Which seems to be a common concern on this sub as well.
But ever since, the more I try to communicate, the less responsive he is.
Family says it had completely taken over his life (and theirs), and it’s getting worse every day.
I’m at a loss. Any advice whatsoever will be appreciated.
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OCD
|
Hello! My son was just diagnosed with ADHD combined type. I wanted to reach out to see what sorts of things I should know or be aware of from the perspective of individuals who have ADHD. If you could give me any advice, what would help him feel supported so he can accomplish what he needs or wants to accomplish? So that he can feel good about himself? What are some things I should stay away from doing? (Things people do that they think are helpful but really aren't.) What would have been helpful to you at his age?
Thank you for your insight!
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ADHD
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I'm really scared I might not have ADHD. My diagnostic process didn't involve my youth and parents, since they are not a reliable source of information. My psychiatrist did diagnose me however based on my symptoms but I'm still ruminating about the possibility the diagnosis was wrong.
Since 3 days I have vacation from my job. I decided not to take my meds since I have nothing to do except chill. However I noticed how tired I am, like almost burned out tired. I slept 11 hours a night last days. I'm afraid I might react wrong to my meds? Like a non-adhd person?
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ADHD
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Title pretty much says it all. I’m a dude. If I’m broke and start acting like a pussy, I’m useless in this world. I’m sort of kind of okay with that in a sense, cause like who the fuck cares really. There’s a time and place to go be a loser and play cod all day, but, I’m just kind of fucking scared that I’ll always be a loser. Idk. Fuck it. Are you really a loser if you don’t feel like one?
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depression
|
Recently diagnosed with PTSD by my LMHC, however he's recommended to get a diagnosis with a specialist. What's involved with that? What's the test called? Am I able to find a sample online? Not being a specialist, he doesn't know exactly what's involved, and I just want to soothe my anxieties by knowing what to expect before I jump into it.
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ptsd
|
I'm having trouble with certain obsessive thoughts (not sure yet if I'd exactly call them intrusive or not).
I've had therapists in the past say things like "well the first step is, just take notice of when the thought pops up. don't do anything about it at this time, just...notice"
Anyway I'm curious how many times a day these thoughts actually happen and so I was thinking of keeping an actual count on my phone.
So I want your opinions, do you think this is a good idea or do you think it will somehow end up reinforcing the thought or making it more prominent?
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OCD
|
So just a week ago probably we got a miniature Australian Shepherd puppy that is 2 months old and around 2 years ago my best friend gave me this little sweethearts BFF heart plush it went missing for a few days but literally just this morning I found it and the little white thread on top of it got all chewed up by the new puppy I feel so immature for being upset at something that can be fixed it's so stupid but it was my comfort plush
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aspergers
|
I was in a motorcycle accident in 1995 where I lost my right leg. I wish I was knocked out but I wasn’t. I vividly recall crawling on my belly to pick up pieces of my leg on the streets. I get flashbacks about it from time to time but I refuse to take any types of drugs for it. I just believe in dealing with my PTSD head on. What works for me may not work for you. I’m not here to tell you what to do. I’m just telling you what I did today.
Last week I wanted to put my bike up on craigslist to advertise it for sale. I bought the bag back in November in the middle of the pandemic to give myself something to do. I fixed it up with the latest components and spend way more money than I needed to on this thing. It was symbolic to me because it was the bike I wanted years ago when I had no money. The bike pretty much sat for six months and I neve rode it. Every time I tried it, I would get flashbacks. Even around my own damm block. It really pissed me off.
For reasons unknown, today I decided would be the day that I was gonna ride my bike regardless of what flashbacks I experienced. And I did just that.
It took me a while to do, but I was able to do it on my own time, and without taking any drugs. What works for me, might not work for you. I just got really tired of seeing an expensive bike just sitting in my living room collecting dust, and letting my P.T.S.D. Control me. I pretty much use the same technique I used when I first lost my leg back in 1995. I made a scrapbook of what my leg look like, as well as what my legs look like after they cut it. I forced myself to look at those pictures a couple of times a day , and after a while I was desensitized.
This is my personal experience. What works for me, may not work for you. Seek a professional if need be.
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ptsd
|
So today in the morning as usual I was hit with a lot of intrusive thoughts and one of them made my genitals grow, not erect but kind of like swelling or something, I was anxious but then I realised it was just a groinal response and I accepted it until I had this thought and it was, even if it’s just a groinal response, even if you don’t like the thought at all when you look at it fundamentally your genitals still moved from the thought, if you never had the thought your genitals wouldn’t move so that means your genitals responded to your fears and that’s what’s scaring me the most. I don’t want to have anything to do with these thoughts but my genitals responded to them, it’s like touching something from a crime scene when you didn’t commit the crime, you may have not committed the crime but now you’re involved in it. Idk it’s making me feel guilty
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OCD
|
Hi Everyone. This is my first ever Reddit post! I am a 40 yr old woman who has struggled but ignored my ADHD much of my life. Tried stimulants for like 5 min 20 years ago, while it helped me focus I didn’t like how it made me feel. I recently started Welbutrin and it’s been GREAT! It’s been a little over a month. So I recently left the country for what was supposed to be 10 days but with 2 months accumulated vacay, remote work, and a free place to stay I’m extending for 2 more weeks. Right now I have 4 tiny little pills left and will be here 15 more days! 😩. Shipping won’t work (I asked, it could take a month). I was thinking of cutting the pills in half (going to be hard since it’s so tiny) then taking that every other day. What do you think? I mean I really don’t have any other option other than go home. It’s always been a dream of mine to be abroad more than a week or 2 and with things going back to normal I don’t know when I’ll have this chance again. I have worked SO hard in this leadership position this past 2 years barely taking a break, I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I’m in Nicaragua, but a small town 4 hours north of the capital.
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ADHD
|
I know the title probably isn’t the best, but this is a genuine question. I personally haven’t felt any ounce of motivation for years now and I’m just coasting through life with this feeling of being a failure.
For some context I’m currently a University student in my final year of study. This year hasn’t been the best with regards to my education and I genuinely feel nothing. I know I’m failing this year but it doesn’t bother me yet I can’t help shaking the feeling of failing my mother who expects a lot of me. I’ve gained quite a lot of weight since I joined university and my sleep schedule is really messed up. I just genuinely feel nothing for anyone or anything it’s like I’m empty inside. I can’t say I’ve ever been close to suicide but the thought has crossed my mind every now and then - I know I won’t ever do it though. My family is really messed up, I don’t want to be a financial burden and ask to see a therapist and I also feel quite embarrassed to do that. I’ve been contemplating it though but I figure it’s all in my head and I just wanted to get any thoughts to see if I should go through with it.
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depression
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i want to go get diagnosed but what is that gonna change? how does “ocd” medicine actually help?
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OCD
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I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago after leaving a 5 yr long abusive relationship. I've healed so much mentally since but still wonder about the physical effects.
I have extremely tender muscles. Like tender to the touch and always knotted up.
Is this from PTSD? Does anyone else have this?
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ptsd
|
Massive trigger warning for mentions of r*pe, inc*st, p*dophilia, z**philia.
I just turned 18 in October and I feel like my entire life has been waste. It feels like I'm having a "mid life" crisis. I want to end my life. I feel like I've spent the last 18 years doing nothing but being selfish, lazy, entitled and awful.
I'm not saying I've only ever done awful things, I try my best to be kind to people. But deep down I am selfish and lazy. I care about myself too much.
Ever since I was a kid I moved around a lot due to being in a military family and I've always had trouble making friends so ever since I was young I turned to the internet to make friends. It started out innocent, I had a particular interest in creepypasta and I liked to play pretend, so I'd go online to roleplay websites and talk to people on there. It didn't take long but eventually discovered Erotic Roleplay (keep in mind at this point I'm around 8 years old). I would always lie about my age and post pictures of random emo girls I found on google images. I started lying about my age and pretending I was 18 to have sexual roleplay with strangers online while I was a literal child who shouldn't have understood sex at all. I became interested in the idea of r*pe as well, I played sick games online like a game where you have to take off a little girls clothes and r*pe her while she sleeps without waking her up. I'd talk to older men online pretending I was much older and even go into relationships with them.
Eventually I moved, got a little older. I'm around 11 at this point. I still talked to people online and went on the online roleplay websites but it was more about the people I had met than the roleplay. I developed a relationship with a girl in which I would pressure her into doing sexual roleplays with me, and it wasn't the only time I had done it with her or other people. Eventually we decided it would be best to just be friends, and I developed a relationship with someone else. He was 17 while I was 11-12, but I had lied and said I was 16. We would talk sexually regularly. Eventually I told him I was actually 15 which he was okay with. Then 14, and then 13, and then I finally admitted I was 12. He was okay with it at first but eventually realized how wrong it was. I think he said it was okay because he didn't want me to hurt myself and I was being really manipulative and making it seem as if I might. I pressured him into sending me explicit photos at some point and I sent some of my own as well. I also masturbated to beastiality porn once or twice because for some reason it just didn't really occur to me that it was wrong and weird. It's not like I liked it specifically about it being animals, I think it was just something I found out of curiosity and was more so focused on the pleasure of the person. I looked up a lot of fucked up stuff online too for the shock value like gore and stuff.
I move again. Now I'm about 14-15. I no longer go on the roleplay websites but I tend to make my friends through video games online. I meet a nice guy through an online competitive game, I really like him. Eventually we start dating. While I was 15-17 I had masturbated to some truly disgusting things. My own mother a few times, thinking about my parents walking in on me, I had watched beastiality porn once again (though it was for the same reason, not about the animals specifically. although that obviously doesn't make it okay and not disgusting) I also had a weird cuck fetish and got off to the idea of my boyfriend jerking off to porn and other women and because of this I thought about when my boyfriend was a child and jerked off to porn and I masturbated to that thought. I really don't feel like it had anything to do with him being a child at all that I liked it and it was more about the porn, but it was just me thinking of something he had actually shared with me that I had kind of liked because of the whole cuck thing. But it's still disgusting that I was thinking of him as a child and that I had gotten any sort of sexual gratification from when he told me these things from him being a child obviously. I'm so disgusted with myself for it. Basically the entire time we dated I treated him as a side piece without even realizing what I was doing wrong. I constantly had crushes on people, would talk to other people flirtingly, would fantasize romantically and sexually about other people, everything you could think of that you aren't supposed to do in a relationship. I guess it was a mix of me not taking it seriously because it was a long distance, and having been so used to being in silly little online relationships for so long throughout my childhood. I'd do even small stuff like saving the explicit photos on my phone that I thought looked nice for the next person I dated if we broke up which is obviously just a sad way of thinking in a relationship. I treated him horribly. I was manipulative, even verbally abusive at times. I lied and was unfaithful nearly our entire relationship and somehow I never even realized it. I only just recently came to the realization. I've since struggled a lot with POCD, IOCD (incest), and ZOCD.
My boyfriend came to visit me this past week and for some reason as I was cuddling him it all hit at once. Not to say that I hadn't been realizing what I had been doing wrong. It had been slowly building up for a few months that I had started to realize all the awful things I had done. But it really really hit hard now and I genuinely thought of suicide. I started freaking out and sobbing and rocking back and fourth. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was think about how I had wasted the last 18 years being a disgusting person, and I had wasted the last 4 years of my boyfriends life treating him absolutely horribly. I look back on some of the things I've done and said, not to my boyfriend but just in general and I am genuinely disgusted with myself. I don't know what to do.
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OCD
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Just saw a post on another sub about how to pad word counts in an essay, and I remember taking word counts very literally. If my high school teacher said 1000 words, I'd write the essay, run the word count, trim here and expand there, combine this to a contraction, and hit 1000 words exactly. Then I'd realize the word count function is also including my name at the top and the title, and do 1020 words to be safe, but never really confident I did "1000 words" like I was supposed to.
I realize now they mean 1000 words min with say about a 1 sigma tolerance (1000-1100) and might give you to 2 sigma if they found your topic brilliant... But I remember word counts being a huge source of stress in school.
Anyone else?
Were* in the title stupid phone autocorrecting words that WERE typed correctly in the first place.
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aspergers
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It was in the midst of one of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had last night because I was on a different OCD medication that caused me to lose my intuition and mess up all of the rituals. So I took a Zoloft unknowingly (I wasn’t planning to but it was in my pocket and swallowed it by mistake) and tried to carry on with the ritual, but the pill had already taken effect and I got it wrong. This was very important for me because all my thoughts culminated into this moment. I could feel that my Brain chemist literally changed, and the thought patterns reversed. I subconsciously decided that none of this mattered anymore because I messed up so bad and couldn’t take it back. Then I went to sleep feeling numb and an empty hole where the intrusive thoughts usually come from.
Nothing.
I woke up feeling like a completely different person...please help. I’m starting to see objects as “just what it is” and without a hidden meaning attached to it. Idk how its possible that my OCD disappeared overnight, but I want it back. Is my brain broken? , I haven’t had a single intrusive thought or action, which was replaced by total numbness. I guess my question is, is there any chance of this wearing off with the meds? I know now how serious and irreversible the changes can be.
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OCD
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I see all of it unfolding and all of the pieces working in action, i see all of it playing out, every detail, every little color in every little place, and I see it all at once, and then I see what's to come and what had passed, they all race past me and leave me beyond confused and overwhelmed. I cannot think and pay attention to every little spec of reasoning or else the moment will be lost and I will be living an overwhelming illusion
I don't want a fucking coping mechanism I want a way to get through this, I want to know its possible, not just ways to delay my pain for longer than I've already been living through
I keep on wanting to give up but I keep talking myself out of it, im not sure how much longer I can do it
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depression
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⚠️Trigger warning, mentions of abuse, manipulation, mental illness⚠️
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Sorry about the title I’m really bad at this. I just really need advice because I feel like I’m in a complicated place right now. Basically, I’ve been abused for around 10 years from my father. He has a bipolar disorder and has hit me and my mother and sister, manipulated me, but most of it is verbal. I still live with him and just recently I’ve noticed that I act a certain way when I’m around him? I can be around other people too but if he’s around me I act very curt and with a very monotone voice. I don’t know how to change it, it’s like it’s automatic. Maybe because I’m not over it? I don’t forgive him yet? We have a family therapist and I have my own personal one and they are trying to get me to get along with him and I just don’t know how. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can anyone help or relate? I know my sister used to act like I do around him but now she’s fine so idk, anymore. Can anyone give me any advice?
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ptsd
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Has anyone felt sleepy with methylphenidate/Concerta/Ritalin?
Although, I have severe ADHD but I’m going to my primary care doctor to change my medication. I am currently taking Concerta 54mg XR and Ritalin 10mg IR.
I get very sleepy 30 minutes after I take either of them to the point that it defeats the purpose of even taking them. I have to take a nap.
I’ve been taking these medications for months now and I was hoping my body would adjust to the medication.
Has anyone else had this problem? How did your doctor or medical provider treat your case?
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ADHD
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I'm going through really bad panic attacks I hate this feeling I just want to end it all
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depression
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I constantly feel as if I'm waiting for something to happen, or at least to be done with what I'm doing. Always waiting for the next thing so I can be done with whatever I'm doing now; waiting to fall asleep so I can wake up to go to school so I can wait for school to end so I can go home so I can wait to finish my homework so I can wait to fall asleep, so I can wait to repeat that in some form or another until I've no more waiting to do when I eventually die. But what am I waiting *for*? Life seems like an endless cycle, and its purpose feels so intangible and indistinct, if there can even be purpose to it.
I've felt depressed for perhaps half a year now, although I view it more as myself coming to terms with how I view the world and my own life rather than the result of any event. I've always had a stable, loving, and supportive family that's never had any financial issues. I've lived in and continue to live in fairly affluent areas with great schools and education. I do well in school and I have plenty of friends and have never been bullied. I don't dislike myself, I've never felt like a failure, and I've always been fairly content with my actions and achievements. Even though I recognize that I could be doing more with my time, perhaps in the form of extracurriculars or otherwise, such considerations are ultimately to me of great inconsequence. I've never had any real stress or anxiety issues, in fact, I've actually become increasingly less worried about my grades and college prospects, despite working to maintain them. I take multiple APs and have always had nearly straight-A report cards, and I've never found myself overburdened with work. Strangely, I feel that others are often more concerned with my grades than I am, caring more about me getting an A on a test than I do. I certainly prefer to do well academically but I derive no happiness from it. I don't feel pressured to take hard classes, I just take them because I can't find any reason not to.
I just feel an overwhelming sense of indifference to and detachment from life. I don't feel sad or angry or frustrated with life, just indifferent to it, cognizant of life being devoid of purpose. I have no desire to die or cease to exist, but the thought of dying doesn't scare me or give me pause. I stopped trying to believe in religion not that much longer after finding out that fairy tales like the tooth fairy and Santa Claus were nothing more than that: fairy tales. For some years thereafter I was confronted with occasional existential crises late at night while trying to fall asleep. At some point, I stopped caring. I simply recognized its inconsequence, and I've since then had little trouble falling asleep, and no further concerns about what comes after death, or rather what does *not*.
I spend a great deal of time alone. I have plenty of friends that seem to be nice enough people, but I don't have any close friends, I've never really had a *best* friend. I suppose the closest thing to that would be my older sibling, but there is nobody with whom I do or ever have communicated with about my feelings, or the lack thereof. The extent of most of my communication with others is related to schoolwork. In sum, my friends, including even my sibling, are circumstantial. And when others do seem to be more outgoing towards me, I am not antisocial but rather just not adept or concerned with acting similarly. I don't turn people off from being friends with me, but it never goes beyond being circumstantial friends. If I were to move somewhere else, I sincerely doubt that I would maintain serious communications with any of them. As far as relationships go, I guess I'd prefer to be in one but it's not something that matters enough to me to pursue proactively. As I said before, most of my hours are spent in solitude. I often find myself still awake in the early hours of the morning, perfectly capable of being asleep within 10 minutes, yet instead thinking or thinking out loud. Long after I finish my hours of schoolwork and perhaps play some videogames, I just sit around and think.
Just as I'm always waiting for something to happen that I know will not, something about which I will actually care, I spend hours thinking, searching for an answer that I know does not exist to a question I have trouble articulating, even to myself. I can't even figure out what to search for.
I don't even actively feel numb emotionally, just devoid of feeling at all, a subtle but also overwhelming detachment from everything. Perhaps one month ago I was finally able to cry, not out of sadness but just out of some deep feeling of emptiness, unsure if crying was even the appropriate response. But I'm glad I did, I'm glad I was able to feel *something* for once. The last time I can remember crying was when I was hit by a car as a young boy. I wasn't seriously injured or anything, just bruised up, but I was crying of course, as I was a child. I've taken in the past few months to working out a bit--not at the gym, but just in the form of exercise and weight lifting and so forth in my own room. I don't enjoy having sore muscles, but it's certainly a bit more interesting than feeling nothing, it's certainly a bit more interesting to see myself slowly gain strength. I don't feel insecure about how I look or how much I weigh or what kind of shape I'm in, I just pursue it half-heartedly with a sense of detached bemusement.
I'm in a constant state of mental flux. Perhaps I'm in some mental well, and I need to climb out of it on a ladder of distractions. But for what? The world above me seems as dimly lit and empty as the well of solitude I resign myself to.
I guess I've had a privileged life so far, never experiencing trauma or true fear or anything like that, and of course I've been fairly lucky insofar as material circumstances are concerned. I don't derive happiness from this, just the absence of a source of any sadness or stress or anxiety.
I don't feel sad, I don't feel that my ability to work or get out of bed in the morning has been impeded by my depression. I see no reason to seek professional treatment. I don't think that my depression is invalid, but rather I don't see how medication or therapy will change my fundamental views on life.
I'm not sure there's any point to this post, although I suppose you could apply that to anything in life. I guess I'm curious to see what others think about what I think.
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depression
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I'm a very patient person and it takes a lot for me to get angry, so it usually doesn't happen.
Unless I'm at work. I work in a pallet repair warehouse and I'm supposed to make 200 pallets every day. Which I can do, but it sends me over the edge the moment I see I won't be able to, like today. I try to contain my anger, but it usually becomes too much to the point where my co workers notice it. Sometimes I have to leave and hide in the bathroom to calm myself. I've been feeling like my visible anger is going to be the reason I get fired. My uncle works here too so I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself when he sees me.
I don't know if this is a legitimate issue or if I'm just being a child about it.
My reason for making this post is because a supervisor confronted me about why I stopped working early (i wasn't able to make a reply). And I'm not sure what to do or think.
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aspergers
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I know it’s silly to shame yourself for not partying but idk…I feel like i just want to let loose sometimes…is that a bad thing? I feel like a loser for not going to house parties…and it’s not like I ever have the opportunity…I’m too poor to live on campus, and I dropped out anyway. Idk, am I valid for just wanting to let loose? I was so pressured into being a “good boy” in high school that maybe I have a lot of repressed urges or something
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depression
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Sorry in advance for the length. I originally didn’t intend to make a long-ass post like this. I just had to get this off my chest.
Have you ever experienced a seemingly well-intentioned, but not really helpful, change of attitude in certain people in your life when they learn from you that you have aspergers?
I’m not entirely sure if it’s just me or not, but I’ve had a few experiences that gave me the impression that lots of people you know won’t make a completely sincere effort to understand your disorder better. Their hearts may be in the right place, but how they do it is either not good enough or just slightly humiliating due to their ignorance and stubbornness - despite your attempts to explain to them how to treat you better.
Having aspergers is a weird dilemma because while you are functional enough to have way more autonomy of your life, you still have a set of dysfunctions that puts you behind your peers in certain ways.
But they are not as severe as autistic people on the other end of the spectrum, so your symptoms can be easily dismissed by people who mistakenly feel like they know better.
Those people could be someone with a significant influence on your life: your parents and siblings, relatives, friends, schoolmates, teachers, co-workers, bosses - you name it. It’s especially concerning when that person has already earned (?) his/her status as an authority figure.
But I suspect that the general public’s awareness of struggles with aspergers isn’t as well understood as autism and even autism has been given it’s fair share of misconceptions.
Lots of people want to help you out, no doubt. They’ll probably do their own research on your disorder, which is absolutely great.
But some are still going to be biased against you sometimes and they might not be aware of it because of their reduced capacity for self-reflection, thus their understanding of your struggles becomes superficial. As result, their treatment of you can feel insulting and frustrating at times.
Some examples:
1. Not taking you seriously when you call them out for bullshit - because why should they take your word for it when you social antennas are kinda warped, right? Like, how could you possibly perceive situations for what they are when you can’t pick up on social cues like neurotypicals naturally can?
2. Low-key condscending remarks that are meant to be jokes, but they are so intellectually insulting that you can’t even bother to fake-laugh at them (if you do that all).
3. Consistently failing to understand that despite being relatively “normal” enough on the surface, they somehow can’t get that you still have issues and needs that are a little more unique than others.
4. Persistently helping you out with things that you can do perfectly well on your own and explaining things to you that are completely obvious in of themselves.
5. Underestimating and/or overestimating what you can do due to aspergers. Like as if you’re a fucking savant...
6. Assuming that the symptoms of aspergers are pretty much the same for all of us, even though it will vary from individual to individual depending on our age, personality, if we’ve had evaluation from a doctor/psychologist in our youth and general life experience.
7. You experience a few or all of these things, then you tell the people about it and they trivialize it all.
I haven’t experienced all of these things, but I suspect that they’re common. Thus I avoid making light of my aspergers to someone I don’t know well. As I see it, telling it to the “wrong people” will just bring me lots of unnecessary headaches.
Have anyone of you experienced this at all? Is there something else that I could’ve added to my list?
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aspergers
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I dont know a song with relation of asperger, ¿even songs like this exist? Even in vocaloid no songs about asperger but they have about depresión and anxiety even strange mental ilness but asperger no ¿anyone know a song about this? No educative songs please
Sorry the bad english
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aspergers
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Around Christmas of 2017 I had and very nearly went through with a suicide plan. This was because of extreme anxiety and depression I had related to going to school.
Since then whenever I’m in a school like environment and during the Christmas season and in a couple of other situations I feel like I’m back in that situation and all the thoughts and feelings come rushing back.
The rest of the time most of my memories surrounding that time are just blocked out of my mind. I’ve been told these are “PTSD like symptoms”.
Can you get PTSD from being suicidal? I know that for many people having PTSD results in suicidal tendencies but can it go the other way round?
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ptsd
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I’m gonna start by saying that hurting myself is the last thing I wanna do just to get that out of the way. However, I started off getting an existential ocd theme where it makes it hard to enjoy the things I like without my brain constantly asking questions like “why enjoy this there’s no purpose in life? Or life has no meaning” and then it turned into me worrying ab kms in the future and it scares me so bad like I wanna enjoy my life but it keeps bringing up the idea of my parents being sad at my funeral like wtf?! 😭 I don’t know what kind of exposures to do for this? I’ve been getting ok at the various themes I’ve had before but this ones been kicking my ass lately 😔
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OCD
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So for a bit of context im a teen with OCD. I’ve had this crippling obsession with developing schizophrenia, around the time this obsession started, i was on clomipramine. I had little to no compulsions but i was deteriorating from the obsession, me developing this illness seemed nothing imminent. So my doctor and I decided let’s give lexapro a shot. We did and it has helped my anxiety, it hasn’t really helped then obsession, only the anxiety that comes from the obsession. However a few weeks in I started to notice my compulsions were out of fucking control. I’m going to switch to luvox and i really hope this can help me. I’m losing hope as i feel like the schizophrenia obsession and these compulsions are destroying me.
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OCD
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I would like to have something that not only has good sound quality but effectively reduce the noise around me. Im also looking for something inexpensive so any suggestions will be good. Im asking because at times i feel over stimulated by loads of noises outside or at work. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
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aspergers
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Has anyone experimented with cycling through anxious fears and themes on purpose. Like If I’m worrying about A seeking out things about B that will transfer anxious ruminating on A to B. And then pivot from B to C. Like not actively trying to cause anxiety but taking and finding other things that cause anxiety and focusing on them to distract from current intrusive thoughts.
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OCD
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Can you guys please tell me your experiences and side effects you’ve experienced with Adderall and Dexedrine? Together or separate. If you’ve been on vyvanse was the side effects similar? Ex. Dry mouth, high heart rate, suppressed appetite. I feel like the side effects Pamphlets are all the same and would like to know everyone’s individual experiences!
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ADHD
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Made an account just to post this, because I don't know where else to ask.
I have contamination OCD - to me things are either "dirty" or "clean". Clean things are for example my bed, especially my pillow, and some other things in my room. Everything else I consider "dirty". If anything dirty touches anything clean, it becomes dirty. If I touch anything dirty and then (without washing my hands) touch something clean, it also becomes dirty. That's the best I can describe it.
I'm trying my best to get better, because it's been ruining my life for far too long, but I have one problem - I don't know what's normal. I can't distinguish between basic hygiene practices and behaviors that are too extreme and come with having an OCD. Like, for example, if I go out, and my hair (I have long hair) touches a seat on the bus, is it okay to then go to sleep (put my head on my pillow) without washing it first? Or, if I get a package, is it okay to put the package on my desk? Should I wash my hands after touching the package before touching other things in my house, since it came from the outside?
It's been so long that I just don't know what a "normal" person would do in such situations and I don't have anyone to ask IRL, because nobody knows I have OCD.
Could someone please tell me how to distinguish between what's normal and what's unnecessary when it comes to hygiene? Like, for example, what should I take into consideration when deciding whether to wash my hands/body after touching something or not?
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OCD
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I love my bf so much and we are currently long distance for the time being… when I’m with him, I get no thoughts and I’m happy as can be but when I’m away I get all these cheating thoughts and sexual images and ‘urges’ and it terrified me. Is it the distance? And are these real urges or just… anxiety? I get this pit in my stomach and like I need to do something fast to get rid of the guilt and anxiety that the thought has brought me
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OCD
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I truly would not wish this on my worst enemy. And I can’t stop talking about it. And I’ve never felt this kind of shame in my entire life. And I feel like I’ve ruined my life. And I’m trying to keep things in perspective but it’s SO hard. And the memory of what happened is really fuzzy so my brain is filling in the blanks with total horror. I’ll have occasional moments of sanity and what feels like truth and things being in perspective. And then my brain will immediately tell me that I’m in denial and I’m lying to myself. I want to take responsibility for my behavior, but this just feels like I’m punishing myself over and over again. And I have no way of remedying the situation or making another amend. And I keep having intrusive thoughts about turning myself in. To who I don’t even know! (I did not break any laws).
I don’t know. I could really just use some support. I feel like a terrible person. Thank you
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OCD
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I've always wanted to go to therapy and get better, but at the same time i don't want to. my life with all of this is extremely hard, but at the same time it's a part of who i am, i'm used to living like this, and i kinda don't want to get better. even though one whole week i want to kill myself, but next week i don't want to. even though i can't watch movies/anime anymore, or talk about/hear many topics and words. i hate it, but at the same time i got emotionally connected to it. i'm fine with having a fear of men, but i'm not fine with living in this awful world. i dont know, i still either dont want to or am not ready to fix myself.
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ptsd
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After having OCD my entire life, I started my recovery journey roughly 9 months ago and it was slow at first, very difficult but more rewarding as time went on. After about 6 months of it I really felt like I had overcome a lot of hurdles and felt like OCD, while still prominent, wasn't the centre of my universe anymore.
However, a couple of weeks ago I noticed that my magical thinking was starting to creep back in, and stupidly I let a lot of things slide because I didn't find them 'that inconvenient' or 'that big of a deal'. Now my rabies obsession is starting to flare up again and that one flat out ruined my life last time. I'm desperately trying to keep it at bay but am still somewhat giving in to it. Overall terrified of getting really bad again, has anyone here experienced minor or major relapses during their recovery journeys? How did you deal with it?
I'm seeing my psychologist (OCD specialist) in a couple of days and will be sure to bring all of these concerns up with her as well.
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OCD
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I only have one life. So I don’t waste it on the past.
I have my past holding me back today, it’s traumatic memorie blocked in my brain, I consider this more as a physical symptom than depression or mood problems.
Yes I feel totally lost and deep down,
But no I don’t give up and keep surfing on life.
And of course I see a therapist to help me to surpass this problem.
You can’t waste 10 years of life by saying « it’s ptSd »
But you can say :
Since my trauma I feel bad. I will work to get through it. Not giving up...
That’s the culture of hope I think..
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ptsd
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hey, so I´ve been on cognitive conductual therapy for over 9 months now, and I've been wondering if I should change to psychoanalysis to know on a deeper level what's behind my obsessions and symptoms. what do you suggest?
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OCD
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I’m a new nurse and I find myself struggling to remember things I need to get done/doing things in a timely manner.
I’ve been orienting on the mother baby unit for five weeks and my preceptor is a lovely sweet person but also an experienced nurse and wants me to do things her way and sometimes stresses me out bc she’s a bit bossy at times.
I really struggle to do things quickly and not take a while every time I go into a room, I also struggle with executive dysfunction and brain fog so much that my last unit I was working on (super busy stressful med surge unit) had to let me go. I deal with a lot of rejection sensitivity so I beat myself up but then sometimes I know I’m actually doing poorly and I beat myself up more… and then I try to be positive and think about what I did well and feel like I’m just being optimistic/lying to myself
I’m wondering if anyone has some tips?
I make lists and take report on a notecard which I can refer to and update throughout my day. I just have trouble “staying on” for a twelve+ hour day.
Edit: edited for clarity and typos
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ADHD
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Hey guys,
i've known someone for over 15 years, met her when she was 16. Haven't been able to talk to her or see her for 4-5 years since I moved to a different country for my job. Recently came back to my hometown. Last week, she just turned 31. I decided to contact her via facebook since it was the only option. And oh boy did I not expect what happened to her.
Long story short, she hit rock bottom. She suffered from depression last few years and massive anxiety attacks (to a point she can't even leave her house). I talked to her and since we were good friends back then, she kinda opened herself a bit to me. She didn't work for the last few years because she is afraid to go outside. She can't even do simple tasks like washing the dishes or just take care of herself (hygiene and stuff). Honestly, she looks like crap. But since I am (or I was) a good friend of her, I cannot let her down no matter what!
So I am here because I kinda have no clue what to do. Never felt like that in my life. I went to visit her last Wednesday and her house was a mess. She clearly didn't clean anything in weeks (or even months). Also since she doesn't have a job, she receive money from the government, but barely enough to pay for her rent. She told me she only eat every 2-3 days because she cannot afford it, and I bet what she eats is absolutely not healthy.
Do you guys know if it would be a good idea to just go to the grocery store and just buy her some food? (I am in a situation when money does not really matter to me right now, I have enough to share if I can say it like this). Should I ask her if she need me to do it or should I just do it? I am afraid she will think she owe me something and feel even worst than she is currently.
Last Wednesday I managed to clean her kitchen a little bit, not much but it sure helped a bit. Should I come and visit her and do more stuff like that? I understand that doing everything for her is probably not gonna help her, or maybe will it help? I feel bad like I said that she will think she owe me something. We are not 'close' in anyway. I mean like not in a romantic or sexual way. Just friends.
Also, her mom who's probably her only family doesn't really care much. It's sad to see, but honestly, she got no one to share her pain with other than a few friends like me that didn't just tried to get away from her.
Anyway, anyone have any ideas? I always had a healthy life, never had to deal with this situation and I found out I am clueless. She tried to get help from some people, but since they charge you for consultations she stopped. She said it was not doing anything etc.
Thanks!
Tom :)
|
depression
|
Just wondering if anyone knows of any music that’s OCD related? I find it’s therapeutic to listen to songs about similar struggles but it’s a bit niche. The only one I know is Serotonin by Girl in Red. Any others?? Thanks
|
OCD
|
Would have been less anxious buying drugs. I’m 18, she’s turning 18. Was convinced the lady on the counter at the shop thought I was buying the teddy to lure children or something. Why the fuck do these thoughts go through my head? I hesitated even to pick it up and buy it but I thought about ERP and bought it. I got over it pretty quickly... by starting thinking about the teddy with no head after we inevitably break up in a month because that’s what’s gonna happen. Right, ROCD?
Getting sick of this making normal things so hard.
|
OCD
|
Ever since I got my first iPod (like 10 years ago) and thus found a taste in music, music plays in my head pretty much 24/7. It’s kind of frustrating. Sometimes I really can’t think of anything except for the same 7 seconds of a song that has been stuck in my head all day. I wake up and a new song plays I. My head and each day is different. Just curious if anyone experiences this, or if this affects ND and NTs.
|
aspergers
|
So, today is my first day using stimulants in a while. I swore off them because of misconceptions I had about ADHD that ultimately boiled down to me not understanding my symptoms very well at all, and not really understanding how serious the impact it had on my life was. This is all in spite of me being an emotional wreck with completely broken self esteem and shattered dreams. Call it predictable, or even a tale as old as time for people like us, I guess?
Anyways, I started with a low dose of adderall (10 mg). I didn't experience any jitters, and I really didn't struggle to eat when I needed to. I felt relatively productive at work. I feel like I observed less overthinking and more doing? But honestly maybe I was just...having a good day, and I know those first couple days of taking ADHD medication don't really represent the experience as a whole. This morning I felt nervous as I took my meds, as I knew this could be a big shift in my life but also knew it may not be as perfect as I was dreaming it would be.
To be honest, I'm actually really looking forward to taki my medication on an off day. Do I end up feeling as productive on those days as I do in a structured working environment that frankly doesnt ask me to accomplish all that much anyway? How much can I, a 185 lb male, expect out of such a low dose to begin with? What about long term?
With all of these things fresh in my mind, I want to ask you guys. What do you think? Is there any valuable perspective you have to share? Or even something that might seem only somewhat useful? Any reminders that can help keep me centered and prevent me from asking more from medication than it has to offer? Is my lack of even basic side effects maybe a sign that I'm not *really* feeling anything?
|
ADHD
|
Trying again because my last post mentioned a word that triggered a take down. Is unwarranted fear and episodes of shaking, fetal positions and hiding in dark places, like under a bed, due to unwarranted fear (he thinks a person is out to harm him) a symptom of ADHD. My husband said it is, and I'm concerned as these are happening frequently and I think there may be more going on and he should talk to his doc.
|
ADHD
|
I feel so broken. I feel hopeless that I'll get better. I don't even know if my experiences are valid enough for me to feel like this. What if I just over reacted? I feel so broken I really do. I feel so bad. I feel so anxious too and I don't even know why. I don't know what to do and it makes me just want to die. I'm in so much pain and nobody understands it. I just get dismissed and labeled. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I don't know who to trust. What if they're just lying to me? I'm fucked up. I'm gonna be like this forever no matter what I do.
I'm just venting so please don't dm because I already feel overwhelmed.
|
depression
|
Does anyone know much about this? I have some symptoms of autism and used to have more when I was younger but I’ve either learned to adapt/‘grew out of’ them so I don’t know if I wanna call myself autistic especially since I haven’t been professionally diagnosed, but I’ve had one therapist tell me I might have Aspergers and another tell me to get tested for autism.
I’ve been doing some research and came across this term ‘Broad Autism Phenotype’ and think I may have it, but I’m not sure. So does anyone else have this or know about this? I will bring it up to my therapist and psychiatrist soon but I just wanted to hear some thoughts from anyone who has experience with this or knows more about it.
|
aspergers
|
So I’m a 5th year PhD student in history, and I’m working on a dissertation. I’m ASD/ADHD, and I’m medicated for the ADHD, but I’ve still had so, sooooo many issues managing the dissertation work. Whether it be not knowing how to start something or what to do, not knowing which parts to focus on over what period of time, not sticking to one task when I do begin, or freaking out and not doing anything AT ALL (like today), I’ve consistently had major issues managing the work.
But when I go to study with my friends, the other grad students (when they’re available), it seems like I’m so much more capable and confident in my ability to just fucking sit there and do the work and not freak out about it. This goes back to my coursework, too; when a professor was TELLING me what book to read and what paper to write, I was still stressed, but I could do it.
But something about waking up every single day and thinking I’m responsible for this project just terrifies me and my consistent problems feel like they justify my fears and burnout dealing with it. Anybody else relate?? Is this an ASD thing??
|
aspergers
|
Is it possible that losing someone makes life unworthy of living? It's been more than one year now and I still don't know if this is reality or something my depression tells me right now.
|
depression
|
I am anxious of what my future holds. I feel like this is never going to end. If it wasn't OCD, I would be in peace, without second-guessing about my identity. I lost all sense of who I was. I went to my school psychologist 2 times, told her about my experience with OCD, but then she just told me that I don't have it. I'm frustrated as hell. I've had it for 2 years. My false attractions are still there, but like they'rethey're as strong as it was. This is a complete misery. What are the ways I should recover fast? How long did it take you to recover from OCD?
|
OCD
|
Does anyone else sometimes refrain from doing certain things, because you know it'll lead to you worrying/obsessing about something and then having to carry out a compulsion?
For example, I can't get a new bottle of water from where we keep the unopened bottles of water because then I "have" to wash my hands.
Also, is washing your hands a lot something people with OCD may do? I'm not sure because hand-washing is one of the first examples people with OCD use to explain to someone what OCD is *not* but my hands get all red from how much I wash them and I've seen people with the same thing.
The first question I ask mainly because I do that (obviously or else I wouldn't have out "does anyone else" hurhurhur) but also because I had a story idea somewhat related to that concept or whatever, or more precisely an idea to add to an existing story I've written but whatever and yeah 🙃
|
OCD
|
Wall of Text Warning
TLDR: Husband responded with respect, compassion, and logic to my ADHD induced mistake which gave me a renewed perspective.
----‐-------------------
I have always been responsible for the finances in my family. I like making lists, planning, and I'm good at it.
Or was good at it, before I started working from home due to the pandemic. No office structure threw my ADHD into overdrive. No concept of time, got overwhelmed easier, and stopped checking my financial spreadsheets every payday.
I knew I was struggling, but didnt want to say anything to my husband because (even with me working from home) he did most of the cleaning and cooking.
Today, I realized I forgot to pay our mortgage. We normally had it come out of our bank account automatically, but moved some things around for our cat's medical emergency and the money was coming from a different account. Or it should have. Literally, went into the app, got the transaction ready, and forgot to complete it. When I got the call from the mortgage company I was so confused because I was POSITIVE I paid. Who types all the new account information in and never completes the transaction?
Called my husband, angry that I messed up the only responsibility I have.
He said it was no big deal. Then asked how he could help make it easier for me in the future.
I explained the lack of structured office schedules have messed up my concept of time and my brain just forgets to devote any time to our finances. So he asked how he could help me feel less overwhelmed. I said it would be helpful if we could physically conceptualize the Bill's and budgeting again (we used to use an envelope method before my excel spreadsheets were finalized)
He said, "See, no big deal at all. We fixed the immediate problem, recognized why it happened, and made plans on how to make it easier in the future. That's all a person can do and beating yourself up about it isn't going to help you at all. When we mess up, all we can do is try again tomorrow. You are amazing and this is the first time you've had any issues in at least 7 years so I think you should cut yourself some slack."
He could have taken the responsibility away from me or appointed himself as overseer but the way he handled it was exactly what I needed. He didn't want to treat me like a child, he wanted to empower me to do the responsibilities I wanted to do.
I'm very very lucky to have a person in my life who not only wants to help me with my struggles but believes in me regardless.
So if you have a partner with ADHD, (or if you have it yourself), I really suggest this method of interaction.
--Breaking problems down into small parts keeps it from being overwhelming. Lists or talking through the steps can help.
--Offer support instead of taking away the responsibility because it can infantilize a person. It can also put undue burden on the other partner if they feel like the relationship isnt balanced.
--Never express disappointment in someone with ADHD for their mistakes, especially if they are already feeling bad.
--Remind the person with ADHD that they are still amazing and point out their strengths after a particularly detrimental mistake. Our minds definitely like to focus on our faults. (Practice with yourself. Own mistakes and remind yourself of other strengths.)
|
ADHD
|
Hey, so yesterday I took my first 100mg tablet of Quetiapine and my anxiety went from 13/10 to 1/10 now hovering at about 3/10. This has been an amazing feeling since before taking it I was in a very dark place and didn't think I could feel good again. The question I have though is if it was really because of the pill or if just stress went away because I felt like I finally was getting help.
Has anyone had positive reaction to quetiapine day 1/ during long term use, or any experience of it starting good and then the positive effect disappear after further use?
|
OCD
|
I think about my cat all the time; she is fluffy, adorable, and means the world to me!
|
aspergers
|
I don't understand how that is so easy for NT's... relatively that is. relationships seem to end in disaster fairly often so it's not "easy" but like fuck man. It comes across as so natural and matter of fact. the cultural norm is such that nobody bats an eye at someone being in a relationship. whereas that would be a huge growth / victory for me. on my more depressive days it can destroy me. I don't get it. People baffle me.
|
aspergers
|
https://youtu.be/yGOlNzaW7KA
I was rewatching this and when he started talking about the lifelong need for extra consequences I had this terrible "ha I do that" moment.
I am making progress with my meds (switched to Ritalin seems to help) but I am afraid that it won't be enough to fix my constant lateness to work.
The whole reason I wanted an office job instead of working for myself, was that I thought there would be more consequences and that would help me get up in the morning. But I have been constantly hours late and I still haven't even received a verbal warning. Its very weird but the culture is just like that. I set up monthly meetings with my manager to try to add some accountability, and at my last meeting the conclusion was that I needed to be more "self-disciplined". After re-watching this video, I am starting to consider that that may be impossible.
It sucks bc I know exactly what I need (a daily planning session with my task lead in person around the time that I need to be at work, a review before I leave, and swift consequences if I don't do the things I say I'm going to do), but it feels like I'm asking them to baby me.
Has your self-discipline gotten better after finding the right meds/therapy/coaching? Am I just gonna need this type of help for the rest of my life?
(Note: finding a job I actually like will make an obvious difference, but I'm still sad that I can't get myself to do the bare minimum at this one. Its like having a boring full time office job is this version of adulthood that I got used to and even though it's not permanent, the fact that I CANT do it instead of just not WANTING to do it, makes me feel like a failure, lazy, etc.)
|
ADHD
|
I’m 21 years old and I’ve been dealing with depression, PTSD, and anxiety pretty much my whole life. Recently I’ve been having crying outbursts and stuff for reasons I don’t know. I at this point decided that I’m going to try antidepressants. I never thought it would come to this point but I’m just lost. I’ve tried therapy in my past but it never did me any good. I was prescribed 20mg of Citalopram. Does anyone have any pros and cons about it that can maybe make me feel better about taking it? My doctor said it has no life threatening side effects but my anxiety gets to me and I just worry about everything
|
depression
|
So had a fight with SO last night, only to be told how unhappy they are in our relationship. I am not surprised and yes we have tons and tons to work on, but now my ocd is going through and making a deal out of every time that I thought I messed up. My mind is (and has) saying for almost forever that any issues in our relationship are completely my fault, which might not be too far off. I try to be a decent partner and I am not like sleeping around or abusive, but have a very hard time talking about my feelings or struggles. Over time we both agree that we have grown apart. And we want to work on them but it is hard when my mind is telling me how much of an F’up I am.
|
OCD
|
I just wanna hear stories from others experience with CBT. My therapist told me that we were going to start CBT soon, but I don’t know much about it.
Does CBT work for childhood abuse that happened daily for years? And will it work for someone that can’t really remember much of it?
Thank you all
|
ptsd
|
Hey, y'all.
So, honestly, I don't wanna get into the habit of constantly making posts here after every new obsession I come across, but here's what happened.
A couple days ago, I was going through my email, since I had sent one to a therapist I was hoping to get in contact with.
Now, I have an account on Quora, and if anyone here knows, you get these random questions that are trending that pop up in your email as a result.
One of these questions was based around things that people need to know.
So, of course, I got curious, and I looked at this answer someone gave, with 10 different things worth knowing.
Deadass don't even remember the first one, but the second one was something along the lines (potential trigger warning) of
"you're replaceable in everything you know, from your job, to your family, to your relationships with others."
Now, at the time, it wasn't something I really obsessed over.
But, in the back of my mind, there was an *inkling* that "this is gonna be something that tbecomes an issue for me at some point," and, *lo and behold,* here I am, constantly having thoughts like "you're replaceable," or that other people are replaceable.
It's weird, because the idea that I could be replaced has recently been something I've been thinking about regarding my attempts to try and make more friends, but.
*This is stupid.*
I can't even finish a conversation with someone know without having a thought like, "oh, btdubs, you're replaceable *byeee*" like, YEAHH???
Can we not???
*Sigh.*
I am gonna make a promise to myself that I won't post here again anytime soon since I feel like I might be going overboard, but it's genuinely been really comforting to me to know that I'm not the only one dealing with all this crazy shit.
So, thank you guys, I'm...really grateful.
ANYWAYS, that's about all that I've got to say.
Aand I hope you have a good rest of the day.
Take care of yourselves.
|
OCD
|
Lately I’ve been finding myself unable to listen to silence. Any given moment I have headphones in and something is playing. I even do this to coax myself into showering or doing other chores that I would otherwise not do for days on end. At first I didnt think it was a problem but now in times where I’m forced to sit in silence I get start getting frantic and panicked. I’ve grown a dependence on hearing voices whether thats through songs, tvshows,movies or videos whatever it is. My mind of course will jump to the worst case scenario and tell me I’ll eventually lose my hearing if I keep this up. I thought I found something that could help me manage my day to day but maybe it’s just another unhealthy coping mechanism :( dont think i’d stop even if it was though
|
depression
|
I’ve realized that multiple times I had been around pedophiles that had seemingly tried to lure me with them into private and weirdly I’m way more upset about it than I was then. I was not okay with it then, but my friend group at the time kept brushing me off because they largely participated in it, seemingly. One of them married a man she started dating/sleeping with when she was 15-16, he was 22-23, and they’re still together as of a couple years ago which would make it 13 years married today. I was considered a prude for losing my virginity at 16 because everyone else lost theirs by 12-14 to people over 18, sometimes over 20.
There’s three instances of men seemingly trying to lure me to sleep with them while I was between 15-16 years old. Two were in their 30s, one was in his mid 20s. Others were around 18-19 years old themselves or waited until shortly after my 18th birthday which is still creeping me out over a decade later.
Idk if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill with all this, but I’ve got so much other crap going on in my life to cover in therapy that I’d like some help deciding if this is therapy worthy. Idk if I should call a hotline or post or keep pushing it down. Every time it resurfaces, the panic gets greater and the fear, the anger, the tension in my neck and shoulders, it’s starting to physically hurt lol. It’s hard af looking at my life with different goggles periodically and each time seeing it worse and worse as I age.
|
ptsd
|
So I got diagnosed last year, around February I think? I was given a prescription and that was going pretty good, but in August I moved to the UK where I need to be *rediagnosed* before I can get the prescription again. It's been over a year and I'm still on the waiting list, and I guess I'm just frustrated because things were finally starting to look up for me and I felt capable of doing basic responsibilities, but between lockdowns and having to do online classes, it's like things feel even worse than before.
​
I'm just trying to find ways to manage my life again. I have trouble prioritizing things, so making to-do lists is a huge struggle for me. Are there any other things I can try to attempt to organize myself?
|
ADHD
|
When I was a kid I'd get these horrible nightmares of objects shrinking and it would make me feel absolutely awful and completely terrified. I'd wake up crying at 3am because the dolls hands were too freaking small. Sometimes if a number grows too large I'll start freaking out and become seriously uncomfortable. Can't even close my eyes otherwise the feeling would overwhelm me. Sometimes as a teenager now I still get them, mostly at night but also in maths class and stuff.
I'm not fully diagnosed with ocd, but my psychiatrist told me I have many traits alongside my adhd. Is this something related to it?
|
OCD
|
i broke up with him last september and i periodically check his vent blog to make sure he's not coming after me I checked today and found a letter to me, I'm so confused im gaslighting myself at this point, or maybe he really wasnt bad and im just a psycho bitch,, it's long but can someone pls read this and tell me what they think.
​
"it’s becoming so so bittersweet, especially since owning the character again. **(we're both artists and had characters that we drew together and tldr my character was my baby and after i finally left him since my character was in his name he sold her as like a final fuck you to me)** i regret selling her, i’m glad i was able to buy her back. it’s been almost a year since we’ve talked but god i miss you. i wrote this on your birthday,,,, just nostalgic tonight so i’ll throw it out there. idk, possibly with some hope you check this blog still. probably not. i hope not, you’re better than that.
hey pan **(the name of my character)**. happy birthday. i didn’t realize it was today until just now. anyways, you were a different kind of love than i’ve ever felt. i miss you, i really do. i think you have a boyfriend and i hope so. **His Name**? **(i do)** i hope so. i hope you’re doing well. i check your pinterest sometimes :) it’s all i ever wanted for you, to be okay and do well. i loved you with everything i had and i’m sorry i didn’t treat you like you deserved. you didn’t always treat me well either. you were what i needed and you made me what i am. you gave me a reason to live and convinced me that i’m capable of love. i dated someone, after you. i think we only started dating because i missed you so much. it ended really badly, he turned out to be a cunt and a mistake. you and i ended badly. i think it was my fault mostly. i still love you, just so you know. i’m not in love with you, at least i hope i’m not. i’m not. but you gave me back something that i thought i had lost forever and that was the ability to be loved. i know you loved me. we just,,, were a lethal combination, like that wombats song. i don’t get sick when i think about you with someone else, i really hope you’re happy. you deserve it so much. i hope you’ve learned how to love yourself. i’m still working on it. i still don’t know how to be loved, and i’m wrestling with that. i know i’m gonna be okay. i feel like crying right now. i miss you so much. happy birthday pan, you made it to 18. our last date was such a good day even though half the museum was closed :,) we played the arcana too ! i still love that game. i miss you. thank you, pan. i’ll always love you and always miss you. maybe some day i can reach out and it be okay. i don’t think that would be good though. you don’t hurt me anymore, the thought of you. i hope you remember the good times with me rather than the bad. there were so many good times. i hope your wrist finally healed. that was the moment i fell in love with you, yknow. fucking crazy. i hope you’re happy. i truly do. i couldn’t be what you needed or wanted and i’m sorry. i’m sorry i was so controlling and restricting and just,,, scared. i’m sorry i didn’t trust you. i hope you can forgive it all one day. you’re so beautiful, inside and out. always have been and always will be. i know you’re going to do amazing things. happy birthday sunshine
anyways i just ,,, idk. i miss her? so so so many songs remind me of pan oh my god ! it’s good now though. i hope her doing well. i hope she gets all the tattoos she wants. i just hope she's happy and that i can get there too."
​
i showed the letter to my friend who was there through our relationship, she never met him but she was my confidant i told her pretty much everything. she said hes a psycho and to ignore it, but im scared i cant even trust her because she only knows my side of the story and im unintentionally manipulating her.
|
ptsd
|
hey guys. I'm a member of the community here and will be spending all night at a shrine. let me know if you want me to spend some time praying for you. just leave your intentions in the comments or my inbox... god bless you guys, I hope you guys have a symptom free christmas.
|
OCD
|
I bought a car from a friend a little over a year ago and in classic ADHD fashion, I didnt transfer the title and registration to my name- getting an appointment through the DMV online was too tricky and I was being forced to send in everything in via the mail, which 1) I was skeptical about doing, and 2) just never got around to it/ kept pushing it off.
Come Monday afternoon, I get a text from my friend saying she got a notice for the registration renewal. My secret had been revealed and the shame came flooding in.
But I decided to give her (and myself) a realistic deadline for contacting the DMV and I actually stuck with it! I called the DMV, waited on hold, listening to the same music for 30 minutes, and got an appointment and clear instructions on the steps I need to take. I'm just so proud of myself for finally doing the thing and for being honest with my partner (shoutout to him for understanding and being hella supportive bc he also has ADHD!)
If you're struggling with making that important appointment or call or whatever, YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THE THING!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU SO HARD!!!
|
ADHD
|
i’ve been getting absolutely disgusting thoughts during masturbation and i attempted twice to not give into the ocd and i decided to finish myself off despite those terrible terrible thoughts popping up but now i feel fucking awful for doing that. i was attempting to fight against my ocd and not let it win by continuing on with my task but now i just feel bad because i should’ve just not masturbated at all. not doing that would’ve let me have some peace. i feel fucking terrible. i thought i was doing the right thing.
|
OCD
|
this is more of a rant, sorry if this subreddit isn’t really about that, but I just wanted to talk to people who might understand how frustrating it is to feel like no one can see or understand what I’ve been going through for the past years. it has been terrifying, especially for the years before I realized what I had was OCD. It has caused me panic attacks, sleep problems, social anxiety and overall just so so much unhappiness. In a lot of ways I feel like my OCD has traumatized me and fueled my depression, and sometimes I wish something bad would happen to me not because I actually want that thing to happen, but because then I would have a reason that would be simpler, more “palpable” to explain where all this sadness came from. OCD is just so lonely, so “invisible” to anyone outside my head, and it feels so invalidating and honestly it just sucks so much. thanks for reading.
|
OCD
|
Hey guys i'm on my day 16 of Lexapro.
The first week was kinda okay, but week 2 and 3 were (are) awful, my ocd was never ever that high and my anxiety either...
How long does it need for the sideeffect to go away?
|
OCD
|
I've been on 100 mg of Wellbutrin for a week to great results. I feel happier, more focused, and have been enjoying life in a great way. I do however, feel jittery and a little "speedy". I feel like I have taken a 20mg adderall or something similar. I've read online that this is common, and eventually subsides. Does anyone have experience with this? And if so, when did the jitters start to subside? I'm on such a small dose I'm surprised the effects have been this high.
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depression
|
my boyfriend (m21) and i (m19) were in a car accident in october. i was the one driving and we were coming home after going out to dinner. i had gotten onto the highway and i was trying to switch lanes. i had been looking behind me to check my blind spot and when i looked ahead of me i realized that i was way too close to the car in front of me and i didnt have enough time to slow down to avoid hitting them... i swerved and lost complete control of my car. i really dont know what happened i just remember screaming as the car thrashed around in the middle of the highway. i think i was going around 60-65 mph. when the car had stopped it was on the left side of the highway. i got out of it and immediately didnt know what to think or do and i just screamed and cried... my car was completely smashed and i had only had it for 2 months... i felt so guilty because my parents had put so much money into fixing it up for me.
these two girls saw what happened and pulled off to the side of the highway to help us. they happened to also be nurses and called the police for us (i was extremely shaken up) and my boyfriend called my mom to tell her what had happened.
we were both okay physically, just had some minor scrapes and bruises. the two girls who helped us were surprised that we both made it out without any injuries or that we were even alive, they were almost sure that we were dead when they came to help us.... i am so thankful that another driver wasnt involved either and that me and my boyfriend are both okay. i dont know what i would have done if he was hurt. it would have been my fault... from what i gather, when i lost control of the car we drove straight into the cement guardrail and then the car ricocheted off of the cement and spun in the highway before finally slowing down and hitting against the guardrail again and stopping. my front license plate was embedded in the cement from hitting it so hard...
since the accident i have been struggling a lot with keeping my mind off of it.. i constantly feel like im reliving what happened from flashbacks. i just hear fhe screaming from when we crashed, the sound of the car crashing itself, and the way the accident smelt and how it stuck to our clothing. i havent been able to sleep properly i am up at night thinking about it and just wishing we stayed home that night or took another way home.. i have been avoiding driving for the past month. ive only driven 3 times since and ive been extremely anxious, i even had a panic attack after driving for the first time since the accident. this causes a lot of issues for my family since they have to bring me to work. i avoid hanging out with friends so i wont have to be in their car and i only leave my house for work so i can minimize how much i have to be in a car.. when i drive i feel like the accident is happening or im about to crash my car even if im only going 15 mph. i dont feel safe driving and even my boyfriend doesnt feel safe being in the car with me while i drive. my confidence and trust within driving has tanked severely and i dont know when i will feel comfortable with driving again.
i would really appreciate any support or advice from people who have gone through similar experiences!!
|
ptsd
|
Hey all. Not in regard to relationships. I am talking about responsibilities in life, more like jobs, school.
So, I (M, 19) am a first year college student. I have a habit of getting bored with jobs, school, and even hobbies all to quickly. I have had like 10 jobs since the start of the pandemic (gap year out of HS), and 95% of the time I switched jobs was simply because I got bored of the environment/became too frustrated on trying to maintain normal relationships with co workers. If I can describe the sensation of reaching this "I'm done, gonna move on now", it's akin to the feeling you get when you reach the end of your new favorite TV show and they you decide to find something more interesting on the TV guide. I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this and would want to share some of their memories/anecdotes.
Tl;Dr Do you have any problems with getting bored of your job or place in life too easily and move on too fast?
|
aspergers
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I’m in a battle of lack of empathy and emotions due to the anxiety and depression with my ocd themes and intrusive thoughts , I think this is a compulsion idk but I think of sad things then check to see if I cry to convince myself I’m not a psychopath, I just wanna feel the love and hurt and my normal emotions that I had before this will it come back? Because everything feels like I’m faking it it’s hard to explain
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OCD
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I (33M) would appreciate any thoughts anyone can share on the PTSD / sex related situation I’ve described below. Does it makes sense that I could have PTSD and that's why I have a 'blockage' when it comes to the bedroom? I never thought the situation that 'triggered' this could have impacted my sex life, which is why it's been difficult and confusing for me to work thru. Apologies in advance for the long post. I tried to make it as short as I could. Thank you in advance.
**TL;DR**: Wife’s (33F) extremely pressuring parents killed any spark we may have had over 2.5 years of pressure leading up to the wedding. Wife never helped as a buffer with her parents resulting in me suffering what seems to be PTSD from her parents’ harassment - from the build up over 2.5 years ending in a specific event in 2014 - due to which we’ve had a non-existent physical relationship for almost our entire marriage.
**SUMMARY**: Married for almost 7 years. No kids. For the 2.5 years leading up to our wedding, her ultra-traditional parents were aggressive and pressuring to the point of harassment about everything related to the wedding – and the associated baggage left us with zero spark at this point. We’ve had a non-existent physical relationship for everything except the first 3 months of our marriage due to what seems to be a PTSD issue. We’ve tried therapy for a year straight early on, and I’ve done individual therapy more recently too. Also, I've confirmed this isn't a medical issue. It's not an ego thing for me to admit that if it were. I'm able to take care of myself solo just fine with no issues, so medically things seem unaffected.
**PARENTAL PRESSURE**
My wife’s parents are very traditional and had a specific idea for how each and every aspect of a wedding should be, and given that I’m a ‘modern’ young man, felt completely comfortable steamrolling me as I didn’t “know how these things are done”. Through the 2.5 years from when we first met to when we got married (2012 – 2014), every single issue would escalate into arguments and be a struggle to reach agreement on. They are good people but also extremely pressuring and aggressive to a truly harmful degree. My wife primarily wanted to see her parents happy, and throughout always took their side, telling me I was being childish and difficult for no reason. For my part, I was often taking views that to me seemed more reasonable than going with tradition just because “that’s how it’s always done”. By the end of this 2.5 years (after a constant onslaught from her parents and her on each issue) I was at a mental breaking point since I was getting no relief and didn’t feel like I was being heard whatsoever. I feel it completely fair to describe their behavior as harassment. I was legitimately concerned for my mental health and tried to communicate this to my wife many, many times. I tried to connect with her on a very basic, human level to let her know I needed her help. But she never responded with any assistance or acknowledgement.
Due to my family set-up, it was just me on my side vs. my wife and her parents, which made it worse.
The parental pressure created lots of angst in our relationship. As a result, we called the wedding off Mar 2014 - 6 weeks before it was scheduled. Shortly thereafter, due to a short respite from the parental pressure, we both decided to get back together as we thought it would be a shame to throw the relationship down the drain due to wedding planning – but we wanted to push the wedding back from Apr 2014 as we were in no mental state to get married. My wife agreed, but then her parents got to her, and convinced her to stick with Apr. I wasn’t OK with this at all, but neither my wife nor her parents listened. So essentially I felt forced to either get married at a time I wasn’t OK with, or lose the relationship.
Both my wife’s extended family and some of mine was constantly harassing me at this point, blowing up my phone with texts, calls, emails telling me what to do, what issues did I have, etc. I had to go insular to protect myself, so I stopped responding to most people, and chose to go ahead with the wedding in Apr. It sucked – I hated being around my wife and her family the entire time. I didn’t invite a single friend to the wedding because I wasn’t in a happy place to share the news. My mother and step-mother weren’t concerned with understanding any of the underlying issues and remained frustrated at my attempts to work things out with my wife during the wedding (they saw it as me needlessly creating drama) so they hardly said a word to me the entirety of the 4 day wedding extravaganza. I had zero support and any time there wasn’t an event going on, I was sitting by myself in a corner of the hotel since no one was interested in being around me.
My wife was working in her home state at the time and decided not to move to my city, 4 hours away, until an undetermined in the future when she could find a new job or figure out a remote arrangement for her current job, which I knew was only going to make things harder. I asked her to leave her job and move down (I was able to financially support us both) for the sake of the relationship – I didn’t think, on top of everything that had happened that far, our relationship could survive also living apart while married. (Normally, I would have had no qualms about long distance for a temporary period.) My wife didn’t agree though.
Since things were so rocky between my wife and I at and after the wedding, I didn’t feel comfortable filing the marriage license as I had no assurance we were even going to make it 6 months married based on how things were. To boot, my wife and I weren’t speaking at all via phone (we were living apart) after the wedding since we were fed up of each other. I understand and appreciate this is a controversial move that makes me seem like an asshole. (Why would you get married if you weren’t going to make it legal?) It was an incredibly fast changing situation from before, during and after the wedding with my wife’s inability to help buffer against her parents whatsoever, stress levels increasing and our relationship in general getting worse. I was also reaching a breaking point. I had zero control over anything during the preceding years and this was my last attempt to feel like I had some control over anything in my married life, almost as a self-preservation measure. So I decided not to file it for a few months.
Her parents' consistent harassment during the pre-wedding years (and how she wasn’t able to help me with it) is primarily why we have had absolutely zero spark or romantic feeling towards one another for pretty much the entirety of our marriage. It’s the baggage that weighs us down. This greatly affected our relationship early on when we should have been enjoying our time together and getting to know each other better and put us in a tail-spin from the start, pitting us antagonistically against each other.
**ZERO PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP**
In Jul 2014, 3 months after our wedding, my wife and her parents were livid that I hadn’t yet finalized the marriage license. They told me to drive up to their place that weekend (my wife lived with them at the time) to immediately discuss it and get it done. Knowing how harassing and pressuring they were, I felt sure they were going to force me to file it. I’d never before or since felt more scared - I felt I had lost all control of everything in my life. I can’t emphasize enough how scared I felt driving up to meet them.
Prior to Jul 2014 we had a completely normal physical relationship. Frequent and we both always looked forward to it.
From Jul 2014 – that weekend onwards - till present day, our physical intimacy has been near zero due to very little interest from my end (no change with her). It’s like a switch that went off immediately after that wknd. I previously found her very attractive and still do – no change there - but for some reason I wasn’t ever interested in any sexual intimacy.
Spent the next 5 years trying to figure out why. Thought something was wrong with me. Tried therapy off and on. Felt guilt constantly that my wife wasn’t fulfilled due to me. Did self-reflection. Nothing worked. I knew it wasn’t deliberate – it was an involuntary reaction my brain had for some reason. Tried to manually override it mentally / physically, but couldn’t. The few times a year we are physical, I’ll try and go along with it, but inside my mind I’m always screaming, uncomfortable as hell with the closeness and wanting to move away from her.
After self-reflection and therapy, I’m nearly certain the reason I have zero interest in physical intimacy is that I have PTSD from the weekend in Jul 2014 when I drove up to discuss the marriage license with my wife and her parents. I’d truly never felt more scared, vulnerable or alone at the total loss of control in my life ever before or since. The preceding 2.5 years of constant pressure from her parents ended with the pressure reaching a breaking point that weekend – and the experience firmly cemented a block deep down in me. Since I had no other control, my body imposed control on an area it COULD control - sex.
My therapist agrees this makes sense and says she has seen it before in other patients too. Physical intimacy requires completely trusting the other person and feeling okay putting yourself in a vulnerable position. I gradually lost trust in my wife over the years leading up to our wedding since she was never there for me to help me manage her parents – and it was absolutely zero during that wknd – and with the 3 of them pressuring me, my feeling of vulnerability increased until it reached a peak. (Though I didn’t realize this fully at the time – more upon self-reflection later on.) Through-out that period my wife was very aggressively angry at me for being ‘difficult’, treating me as the enemy, providing no help from her already very damaging and pressuring parents despite my many pleas and attempts to appeal to her humanity and even out rightly letting her know I needed her help to get thru this mentally.
With the trust gone and feeling highly vulnerable, my therapist conceptually likens this to the same way other events - like an assault - can be traumatic and leave scars / impacts on you. (I’m not at all saying it’s the same as that - just that the concept of trauma sticking around is similar.) I felt uncomfortable when I first realized this because I felt her assessment of PTSD here somehow disrespected others who have PTSD from physically violent / worse situations than my own, but to be honest it all makes sense looking at the last 6 years thru this PTSD lens.
I understand this isn’t an exact science - but therapist says in order to get past this, I need to fully trust my wife again, and in order to do that, one thing she may need to do is acknowledge / take some responsibility for what happened around the time of the wedding - mostly with how she never helped me mentally / emotionally manage her parents.
My wife knows all this. I’ve talked to her about it many times - and the times I have tried to very gingerly and non-accusatorily approach the topic of at least getting some acknowledgement for how difficult it was for me back then, the conversations goes horribly sideways. Too much baggage there for her to not immediately get angry again at those topics. She 100% thinks I was being childish, difficult, etc. during that time. Granted, I don’t think all the blame is on her - but by and large, her side was the extremely pressuring, oppressive one - not me. That was the biggest damaging factor. She may acknowledge that it was somewhat pressuring for me, but she also thinks it was just as pressuring for her, and is very dismissive of me when I narrate the impacts that experience has left on me. If it were a manual / purely overt process I’d snap my fingers and make it happen, but since it’s involuntary, I can’t unfortunately.
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ptsd
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I just don't understand.
I see people around me being loved and loving, supporting each other, liking each other's company etc
why do I feel like no one loves me, supports me or just idk give a shit?
it's always like this.it have been throughout all my life; I do my best to try and have friends and be lovable in general. it doesn't work.
I try being myself and, just can't believe my friends actually care for me. they don't act like they do. I'm all alone. always have been. always will.
thanks for reading
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depression
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I have struggled with obsessive thoughts for as long as I could remember. My newest obsession has become my teeth. I will constantly graze over my teeth with my tongue, worry that my teeth feel weird in my mouth, or convince myself they will fall out. Especially at nighttime I worry the most while laying down and it makes it hard to try to sleep. I want to just relax for night without these fears and obsessive mouth checks (I constantly even take pictures of my mouth and look at it) does anyone have any advice or coping skills I could use ?? Please. I have no idea where these thoughts and behaviors came from.
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OCD
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