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I got called today by my primary care provider and they scheduled my assessment. The therapist I was seeing through them almost immediately brought up adhd while she was assessing me. I'm happy but also a bit worried... I don't care what they decide I just want to be functional no matter what the outcome. Anyway, I just wanted to share my small success. I am a bit worried if they ask for school records or info from my parents like i see a lot of people say they do. I'm 47 and don't have anything from my school days, and havent had contact with most of my family in over a decade. Anyways, here's hoping.
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ADHD
|
I don't get it, I've got it all, got the internship I wanted, my grades are better now, my relationship with my dad is great now, everything is better, yet I'm worst, hell I can't even brush my teeth, did not get any work task done in the last two weeks, went from I feel kinda sad every now and then back to full on suicidal ideation, I feel desperate, tried to get back to therapy and meds but the closest appointment is in 2 FUCKING MONTHS, can't tell my dad how I feel cause I don't want to worry him like the last time, can't tell my friends because I will only feel like a burden to them, wtf is wrong with me, I want this bulshit to stop and I can't make, is this going to be my whole life from now on? I'm so done, I just want it all to stop.
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depression
|
CAMHS hasn't been in touch since I was referred by a doctor 10 months ago, I think we all know they're not very good at getting in touch. Are there any other ways I can get treatment for OCD?
|
OCD
|
In the recent weeks I have just been re-living embarrassing moments from my past. Of course having a good memory makes it unbearably cringe-inducing. Now, I find myself embarrassed about every single thing I say and do, even from something that happened minutes ago.
I fell back into a fandom, and no matter how much I try to hold my tongue, I can't help but talk about it. I feel like I'm being so annoying, I have no idea what my friend thinks. I'm just so used to having friends leaving me because of how I don't shut up about my interests/fandoms. Just needed to vent a little.
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aspergers
|
I've always had issues with brushing my teeth. The bristles on normal brushes almost burn when they run across my gums, and I always end up with a bloody mouth. My mom and dentist both said that was just because of bad oral hygiene, but now I know. I bought an extra-soft bristle brush at a local shop, and used it for the first time last night. No bleeding gums, I actually enjoyed brushing my teeth, and I was able to go for the full recommend two minutes without feeling miserable. Now if I could get my executive dysfunction in check, I'll be brushing twice a day lol. Thanks for reading
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aspergers
|
As a kid, whenever I had to make a first impression on a new person I would mentally tell myself “this time be normal”. Don’t zone out and appear stupid. Don’t get too excited about something and appear childish. Make eye contact sometimes but don’t accidentally stare at people. I still have all of these problems hut have developed better ways of hiding it.
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ADHD
|
So, I've been in Vyvanse for over 18 months after being retested and diagnosed as an adult. Found out 2 weeks ago when going to pick up script from the pharmacy that my insurance company decided they won't cover it anymore. (Note, I had just taken my last pill.) Cue a week or fighting with the insurance company and ultimately losing because, let's face it, they can do whatever the fuck they want.
So, my godsent doctor, reluctantly prescribed adderall as a substitute to start this tiered bullshit system the insurance company has. So, for a week I have been taken adderall, and let me tell you, I am not the same person I was a week ago.
Literal ballistic rage over absolutely nothing. Just going home one day and I was so pissed off, I blew up at my girlfriend. OVER. NOTHING. We were talking about a cute cat, for Christ sake!!
After that nuclear meltdown and the ensuing feeling like absolute shit, I went to clean the litter boxes for our cats. That turned into a light cleaning of the bathroom. Which turned into a complete scrub down of the ENTIRE FUCKING BATHROOM. I scrubbed the fucking walls!! (Which I now need to repaint)
So, anyway, yay for meth head level mood swings, crackhead energy, ballistic rage to the point my eye is twitching.
Anyone else have, or had, this problem? Anyone experience this with adderall and did the symptoms subside?
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ADHD
|
It's my birthday tomorrow and I will inevitably get the question, "So how does it feel to be X years old?"
I don't know. I'm autistic and dissociated most of the time. I don't know how it feels to be human, never mind how it feels to be however old I am.
How do you even answer this question?
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aspergers
|
Im a 19 YO M who has been in a relationship with this girl (F 23) for about 2 to 3 weeks. I love her with all of my heart, we have done everything except sex and nudity. But it just feels like this was all some fluke, I never thought that I would ever find a girl that loves me and who would hug and kiss me and tell her that she loves me. It feels so unreal, is it just a dream. Now im afraid of losing her because I may never find another girl who will put up with me.
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aspergers
|
i've recently been diagnosed with ADHD after years of trying to get someone to listen. i have found that a lot of the problems i struggle with are/can be related to ADHD. one thing i really struggle with is understanding tone. usually it's more with other people but if im in a really stressful situation i cant even understand my own tone of voice. i base most things around how the person normally talks (if theyre someone i talk to often). if it's someone i dont usually talk to i just try to look at their body language and other people's reactions. i know a lot of people with adhd tend to struggle with the volume of their voice, and my therapist told me other people with adhd have problems with tone too...but idk if that's true. because i have such a hard time with tone- i get really defensive and i already have an aggressive voice so, i tend to get in trouble/cause fights because of how i come across.
i'm not fully sure what im looking for by posting this- i guess i'm kind of wondering if anyone else has these problems and if you do, what do you do to help it?
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone,
Just wanted to post here to get some stuff off my chest.... I’m in the closing phase of my therapy for depression, but I feel as if I’m back at the starting point. After getting diagnosed, working hard and getting my life back on track, the past month has been rough. My relationship ended after several years. I’ve made some big mistakes and we didn’t end on good terms and all I want is for her to be okay. By losing my relationship, I feel like I’ve lost a huge stabilising factor in my life. I’ve been focusing a lot on work and uni, but I just can’t balance the two as well as I’d want to. For the last several days I’ve been working hard and when I need to focus on an essay I have due tomorrow, I just can’t seem to get there. It makes me stressed out and tired. Today at work I didn’t do something I didn’t even know I was supposed to do in the first place and it pissed off one of my coworkers who had to pick up my slack. I’m not great with conflict, but I always try to handle it as well as I can, but my coworker just wouldn’t listen to my apologies or my offers of help. So now I’m at home, working on my essay, with barely any energy to spare.
Well that’s just some of my problems...
I guess on the grand scheme, it could be worse, but I feel like I’m at the end of my line here.
If you made it this far through my rant, first: thanks, second: why?!, third: are you hydrated?
Let’s take a water break and I’ll be back with a life update someday, I guess
Bye
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ADHD
|
For as long as I can remember, my father was physically and emotionally abusive. When I was little, I didn't understand that that was an issue, so I still loved him and trusted him. Most of his abuse was not directed at me, but towards my brother who has autism (punched repeatedly over a board game, given first degree burns over dominos, etc). However, I was still treated poorly (was slapped and yelled at for insisting I wanted to watch a movie). Later in my life, I realized how much of a monster he was and now want nothing to do with him. I learned that he was a sociopath and had PTSD himself because of his own abusive father. What hurt my trust for him when I was little was when he told us that he would never hurt us because he knows what that was like.
While this was going on, there was another abuser, a sexual abuser at that. This time a family friend, specifically someone *I* had considered a friend. The abuse with him started when I was 9 and continued until I was 13, he was 16 when it started and 20 when it ended. He also had autism, but it was a milder case. He was a great listener when it came to literally every other context. When it started, I was confused and scared, I told him to stop and he did only for that day. When my mother came to pick my brother and I up, I told her about it, almost crying because I felt gross. At the time, I had trusted my mom more than anyone else I had ever known. She brushed it off like it was nothing. I was crushed. If the person who I trusted the most didn't care, why would anyone else? From then on, it only progressively got worse, the actions becoming more disgusting and violating by the week. I practically begged him to stop, told him I just wanted to be friends and nothing more. I did this for 2 years until I had lost hope of it ever ending. I forced myself to accept that this would now be a constant in my life, that there was no escaping this. I was terrified at the start of every single Wednesday, not knowing how far he'd go that day. Because of how gross and scared I felt, I went along with whatever he wanted, only initiating contact when he forced me to. There was nothing I could do- I already tired telling an adult, confronting him myself, physically avoiding him, writing him notes begging him to stop- it was too much for me as a child.
In 6th grade (the peak of the sexual abuse), I decided to tell my 'friends' what was going on. They made a joke out of it, laughing at the situation. But, because I was so scared of being alone, I laughed with them. I had lost so many friends and people who I thought had cared, that I was desperate to be even remotely listened to for once in my life.
When it ended, my mother and his mother decided that they shouldn't report it to the police because of his disability. His mother had actually come over to our house in hysterics, saying that he didn't mean to do any of what he did. Instead of a police report, they decided the best course of action would be therapy for both of us. This never happened. At the time, I felt horrible and thought that I was ruining his life for 'blowing it out of proportion'.
Towards the end of 7th grade, I had a girlfriend. I was wary at first because of how often I had been thrown away, but I slowly realized that she was different. I didn't know how to react to someone treating my like a normal human, despite them knowing a vague idea of what had happened to me. It was frightening at first, but it slowly melted away because of how patient and caring she was. She actually cared. For the first time in my life, I truly felt loved.
I still have a very difficult time trusting people and opening up, but people like her helped, even if it was just slightly. We're still friends and she's extremely supportive of me. I still struggle greatly with my trauma, there are days where I just want to give up all together. But, I'm slowly learning that not everyone is going to fuck me over at every turn, albeit extremely slowly.
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ptsd
|
I cannot seem to break an OCD-like feeling in regards to video games and their sequels. First off I have to have all of the games in a series (this can be part of FOMO), but secondly I cannot play a game without having to play everything in the series from the start!
I have yet to complete Need for Speed 1, and this came out 1994. I have bought everyone of the games in the series. I wish I could just play the latest ones (maybe just the ones that is accessible on the latest platform, i.e. PS4/5 or XBox One/X), but I get this negative feeling that the 'story might not makes sense' even if the games don't even follow a story (like NFS above).
Anyone else experience this?
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OCD
|
I just moved away for college and suffer from ptsd from living with my abusive father for 16 years. This is my first time living away from my mom and something about her presence in the house always made me feel safe but now i feel exposed and unsafe and i cant sleep. Not consistently anyway. And i dont know what to do i tried googling techniques and asking my therapist, but it was all like yoga and meditating which ive tried and enjoy but it still take a looong time for it to work like 2 hours long.
Ig this makes it easier to pull all nighter, but i really want to sleep.
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ptsd
|
I have never been able to complete chores, tasks, or any general work while people are at home because of all the anxiety that builds up. I remember growing up, I would get yelled at by my parents during evenings after school and on weekends for not doing house chores due to exhaustion from masking and having to endure so much noise. I also felt like my parents took up so much room in those spaces that I didn't have control over my environment, which just added to the anxiety.
However, when I started making my own schedule during my undergraduate studies (taking classes later in the afternoon or in the evening), it left me with having the home to myself for the majority of the day, and I was able to get so much done both in terms of chores and school work as a result of the silence and just a sense/feeling that for that time being, the space was mine; I wasn't merely confined to my room.
Has anyone else ever experienced a similar feeling? I'm wondering if it has any correlation to being autistic/aspie.
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aspergers
|
is anyone else struggling with the aftermath of their mistakes?
after a particularly traumatizing incident, i became obsessed with morality. i realized how many awful things id done in the past, and compulsively apologized for all of them. i started volunteering and donating. im staunchly anti-consumer. i stopped eating meat. i do everything "good" to avoid "contaminating" others with my "badness". i buy into the delusion that god will punish me if i mess up. ive started hearing punitive voices.
ive lost so much joy.
i stopped talking to my loved ones.
i stopped participating in my hobbies.
i left my dream career.
i feel like befriending new people is perpetuating a falsehood, and harming them somehow.
i feel like dying is the easy way out, and its my ethical duty to live with remorse and pain.
i dont want to live like this, but i dont feel "allowed" to exist in any other fashion.
its been four straight years of this. any wisdom would be appreciated.
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OCD
|
Can someone give me an idea of how they operate/what they promote and how this has a negative impact? I'm not well versed on this organisation.
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aspergers
|
I promised myself that I would try and do fewer inside alone things, so agreed to go to a niche music festival with my friends. They’ve all pulled out. How would you guys cope in this environment? I feel like I need a guide on how to act at these things D:
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aspergers
|
I have discovered a new saying that I love - ‘I’m one missed ADHD tablet away from….’ e.g. ‘I’m one missed ADHD tablet away from spending £50 on Christmas wrapping paper’ 😂 I always know that if I manage to suppress the impulse to do something that if I miss my meds then it’ll happen anyway 😅 my boyfriend will always know I’ve forgotten my meds before I do, because I’ll text him some dumb sh*t like ‘hey I’m gonna buy a disco ball for the living room’
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ADHD
|
Hey, I'd love to know how many of you view truth as a constant, rather than a unit.
I conjecture that the problem with OCD is inherent to the personality of the person, hence why uncertainty itself is the plague of the mind. Your own inability to be flexible with truth, is the bane of your existence, and bottleneck that prevents you from living a fulfilled life. I created a thread with the solution to this, a few minutes prior.
Please leave the animosity aside, answer honestly. Thank you.
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OCD
|
You know I'm not sure if this is an autistic problem, a depression problem, an anxiety problem, or whatever problem. I just know I'm now feeling like an idiot for trying to be a better person.
I have a really hard time opening up to people, an extremely hard time. I clam up, tell people nothing about my struggles, and run away when they get too close. I've ditched so many people without a word due to my own inability to handle socializing. I've hurt a lot of people doing it.
But I've been trying to get better, I thought I was getting better. My therapist said when I try to friend people I should mention my limits and that I need breaks.
I tried that. I was honest to these coworkers when I befriended I can't hang out much and I have issues sometimes. Thing went well for a while. But now for reasons unrelated to them I'm going through a rough patch.
So I decided to be honest. When he asked again to hang out I said I'm experiencing an autistic shutdown and I don't have the mental capability to socialize currently. That I'm not ignoring him, he didn't anything wrong, just that my brain isn't functioning right now.
I was proud of myself for being open and honest. Thinking how I've grown and am getting better.
Until I got left on read. Been like a day now, no response at all.
Did I overshare? Did he not want to hear it? Does he feel guilty for pushing me to hang out? Did he forget to give a reply?
I don't fucking know. I just know I've done what I almost never do and speak truthfully and apparently I've done it wrong or something.
Why is it so damn difficult trying to get close to people? Sorry for the venting, really annoyed and disheartened about the whole deal.
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aspergers
|
Sometimes I'm doing it unconsciously, but most of the time I'm always scanning the floor for patterns or tiles, or noticing small changes that weren't there the last time I passed through.
I've been doing it since I was little and now my neck has suffered the consequences of staring at the floor all the time (forward head syndrome).
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aspergers
|
Hi!! I'm a woman with aspergers and I have a lot of chewing stems, which have giving me both binge eating and jaw problems. So, I have tried solving this with both gum and a biting thingie (idk what they're called in english sorry) and it works temporarily? but i get bored easily and it's not enough flavor to me, so i keep eating anyways.
I then found some pacifier in which I can put my own liquids, and I know my problem would be solved if I could just suck in strawberry candy to relax. But, I'm not sure if this would be harmful or something. It obviously would only be at my own home bcs I am not using a baby product in public haha
Thoughts? Should I do this? Any other ideas??
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aspergers
|
I’m just scared that I won’t feel love fall in love or catch feelings and be boy crazy the way I was before because now everything feels like I’m faking it and I just think what if something terrible happened and I didn’t feel any empathy or emotion and if I did Ik my brain will say your faking it it’s so annoying because I don’t know if when I cry over something or someone it’s real or fake
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OCD
|
I don't know if this is an autism thing or an ADHD thing, a blend of the two, or just my own interpretation of how my mind parts move around.
This evening I was sat in my garden with my dogs. My medication (Ritalin) had worn off an hour ago, and things were becoming 3D and "colourful" again. I sometimes have these clear moments where I register an abnormal volume of sensory input. The air, temperature, SO many colours, the wind, clothes on my skin, even the smell of my dogs' breath. I look at the clouds and their different formations, and I get the feeling of... something, trying to break the surface of my mind. There's a melancholy, hope, wonder, and then fear and anxiety- overwhelm at what I'm seeing, and awareness of what I am and how absurd it is, that I am here and seeing and feeling. But this is all... small? Like there's this vastness of emotion and comprehension trying to push its way through to my conscious. But it can't, so it trickles. And I'm left mildly frustrated and dissatisfied. Like I've missed some beautiful thing, or some truth or connection to something. I feel like if I did see this thing it'd break me, for better or worse.
Anyone else? I know this is vague, I apologise for that. And a bit flowery. I'm trying to capture emotions that I don't understand.
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aspergers
|
So today I was asked if I could describe what the physical feelings are when I feel anxiety or that sense of fear that comes over so many people that have ADD or ADHD. I’m just over 40 years old and was not diagnosed until a few years back.. As I thought about how to describe those feelings, it was pretty easy as I just described how I was feeling at that moment. I was then asked a 2-part question that shocked me: Describe how it feels to not have those feelings, and when was the last time I felt that relief for longer than a few moments.
I was shocked to realize that I not only struggled with what not feeling anxiety/fear feels like, but I caouldnt even remember the last time I went a day without feeling that way in at least the last decade.
Just wondering if any of you feel similar. It’s just crazy to realize how much this can debilitate a person and especially all the happy care free memories it robs from what you could have had over one’s life. SAD.
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ADHD
|
Most of the time I'm a talkative person, if only because I have a hard time finding words to say to explain my idea correctly. I realized that there will be random times where I will be as quiet as possible and just not talk even when really want to say something. Nothings stopping me I just don't want to talk, it's not a power drop for socializing, it feels different... I've asked and people say it's probably my ADHD, that just doesn't make sense to me, do other people feel this, or is there something I'm missing?
|
ADHD
|
So I've been seeking help after my stay in the Psych ward. Been trying to do some self help, taking my medications, trying to be active. But I found out today I don't have health insurance. I should of been more aware that of it since I quit my job but I figured they'd notify me before going to my doctor's appointments. After looking at my insurance I found out they didn't cover everything so I probably owe $4,000. I paid out of pocket for my prescriptions today.
I want to break down and cry right now, I don't know how I'll pay that debt on top of my student loans and other bills. I have to max out my credit card just to pay rent this month. I understand I got myself into this situation but I didn't think it'd go so bad so fast. I'm trying to hard to get better and stay positive but I can already feel myself starting to fall and I know it's going be hard. I'm afraid either my credit, debt or perceptions might affect a job offer I received.
I wish I could disappear or run away from my life.
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depression
|
Does anyone else NOT feel relieved by their diagnosis?
A little over a year ago, I got diagnosed at the age of 30. I suppose I am lucky in that I was able to trudge my way through school and now live independently, but on the flip side I guess I flew under the radar and had to figure everything out for myself. A lot of people describe feeling relieved, and happy in the knowledge. They feel like it helps them make sense of themselves and ultimately feel better about it.
I honestly feel completely the opposite. I felt awful when I found out, and I honestly feel more sad and hopeless about it as time goes on.
I have always known that I have issues, but I guess I used to sort of see them as temporary obstacles to overcome. Now I see them as more or less fundamental parts of me, and it feels totally hopeless. While I didn’t always know what my disorder was called, I have always been working on myself. After decades of therapy, countless medications, and a lifetime of all-consuming self-directed study, I am ready to throw in the towel having accomplished what feels like relatively little.
I guess I feel like the awareness THAT I struggle with the typical Asperger’s/HFA/ASD1 issues doesn’t help me overcome them. For example, I know that what I say will likely have implications to people that I don’t intend. Yet somehow this doesn’t mean that I can then be proactive, take that into consideration, and communicate more effectively. I find that as hard as I try, and as much blood sweat and tears as I put into trying to communicate effectively, there is going to be some number of things I fail to take into consideration and it is going to go poorly anyways. I feel the same way about my OCD tendencies, my issues transitioning from activity to activity, sensory issues, difficulty knowing how I feel emotionally… I feel like I spend hours every day trying to work on myself and improve in these areas, and I just never feel like I make significant progress. I feel like the things that I do which have any perceived positive impact (in the short term anyways) are:
* Shutting up.
* Coming up with oversimplified rules which lack any nuance and only give me a slim façade of understanding complex situations.
* Gritting my teeth and bearing all of the horrible ways that I feel in public while collapsing in exhaustion when I am by myself.
I would love to just understand that I am the way that I am and be ok with it, but these issues slap me in the face multiple times every day. My inherent issues will never let me forget, even for a moment. Now that I have a diagnosis, with that comes the awareness of the source of these issues. Instead of feeling like I have answers, I feel like I am haunted by this understanding. It feels like I am consequently unable to get any peace in my day to day life because I am constantly reminded that I am autistic, even when I spend an entire day or more by myself. Even if that peace was only ever blissful ignorance. The reality is that I bear the consequences of my issues, regardless of the reason why those consequences manifest. With my diagnosis, I now understand that I can never escape them.
Finally, what I can’t stand more than anything else is the idea that this is somehow societies problem, or that I am only disabled in a ‘social model of disability’. What a crock of feel-good nonsense! I know this is wrong, because if you took me out of society, I would have just as many issues all by myself. In fact, as someone who has spent decades in relative isolation, I know that I have plenty of issues all by myself.
Can anyone help me understand how I am supposed to ever feel anything besides hopeless and awful?
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aspergers
|
so i’m undiagnosed but like 90% sure i have adhd and also maybe ocd, i really enjoy sex with my partner, he does everything right to make me feel good, but i find myself finding it pretty hard to orgasm? i try to stay in the moment and i do most of the time but after a while i get paranoid that i won’t reach climax and that kinda ruins it?? i did some research and apparently this can happen a lot with women with ADHD untreated, i want to talk to him about it but i’m scared he’s gonna see it as more of a challenge than me communicating? does anyone also experience this? or has any idea on how to overcome it?
keep in mind i’ve only become sexually actively very very recently so this could just be me needing to get used to it? i’m not sure :/
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ADHD
|
I'm always checking behind my back because I get these intrusive thoughts of somebody grabbing me and shaking me. I usually have them in the dark when I'm trying to sleep and it never fails to terrify me. I had the same fears when I was a little kid, but they never went away..
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OCD
|
(24,f)
1. when I was 19 I developed a crush on a guy who was from another country - this was back when I thought I was straight. I don't know his age but I know he was in high school so he was between 15-17. At the time, I didn't consider his age (like I said I didn't even knew his age) and that he was a Minor - my mind just didn't process his age as a relevant issue. My crush on him was very "innocent" I guess - it was just romantic. once, he was mildly sexual with me and I got angry with him. There was never flirting or anything (because he liked someone else and I didn't know or wanted to do those things)
What's bothering me today is this: I'm so scared that I'd have dated someone that was a minor if I had been given the chance - not because they were a minor but because I liked them and didn't care about their age (that sort of stupid mentality). My pocd started in 2017, a year later after this incident. I don't remember how. I just know it was that year. And it started very mildly and because it started so mildly, I didn't change my views or felt as guilty. It wasn't until 2018, that I began to see that some of my ideas were deeply wrong and that I was an awful person and in 2019 it got really bad.
I don't remember if in 2017-2018, I'd have dated a minor because I don't remember what were my ideals/moral compass at the time (does this make any sense?)
There are proof that I would have done this but also proof that I wouldn't have done this. So I'm super confused...
I once had a "friend" (18 yo at the time) that was dating a 14 yo and I was so against it and I also had another friend who was 15 that was dating a 19 and I was also... Eeeeehhhh. However, I once made up a story in my mind that was character based in me that had a crush on a 15-16 yo (I can't recall her age) and I used to "ship" characters that were minors with fully grown ups. ><
I can't remember if when my pocd started it also attacked teens or just children. I don't remember if I was afraid of only being attracted to children or If I also was afraid of being attracted by teens.
Today, yes. I'm terrified of being attracted to anyone under 20. And I do think that a few years back, when my pocd was milder, I was afraid to be attracted to teens because I thought "p" was anyone attracted to people under the age of 18.
2. I hope this isn't too much of a triggering topic but here it goes. It's about sexual fantasies.
I used to have fantasies with characters that were under 18. I'd make them older (my age) but at the same time my false memories are picking on me and I'm not entirely sure of this statement.
I also used to have romantic (not sexual) fantasies with a character I created years ago and I can't remember if her age was 15 or 16 (my ocd is telling is 15 but I'm in denial and I hope she was 16 - I have went through my records and I can't find the age I gave her). Though when I had these romantic fantasies, I'd also place myself with the same age (like 16-17)
One last thing, for the past few years I used to have sexual fantasies with a fictional woman I created (different from the character above) and I remember trying so hard to make her look like she was 18+,20+ - I even gave her a college background but in my head she looked too young to be an adult and that would terrify me greatly. Still does. I'm so scared that I actually fantasized with a 14+ woman because I can't tell the age of people....
I'm so sorry... You must think so awful of me.
|
OCD
|
Ok, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain but here we go.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. In retrospect, everything makes sense. I grew up in a super backwards small town, our neighbours were shit, I was never able to make many friends as I was always so crazily different. Bullied all my school life, felt like eons of one injustice after another and navigating some kafkaesque maze that is designed to make me screw up. I'm 26 now, never had a girlfriend, I had a SINGLE date where I was stood up on.
But I wasn't unsuccessful in the end. In fact, in typical ADHD fashion, while being sidetracked from my degree, a project I built on the side grew wildly successful, no one more surprised than me. Now I have a lot of money, I am not fat, I'm tall, not ugly as far as I can assess, well spoken and groomed and all. Basically everything that every dating helper would tell you. Now, medicated, I am also capable of getting my shit together properly.
So while being able to finally sit back a bit and think about my future and all, I realized how... aimless I am. I run from one thing to the next while searching.... something, to feel whole. Last week I cried for no reason while looking at a picture of northern lights and I cannot figure out why. I cannot get myself to do anything cause it all feels like a sidetrack from my initial goal WHICH I CANNOT FIGURE OUT.
Lots of people here mentioned the infamous "waiting mode". I'm in waiting mode 24/7, waiting for... what? I'm OCD focused on finding a girlfriend but I seem deadlocked in 100 different ways. Am I really looking for a relationship? Or am I missing something else? Am I actually capable of a relationship, or sex? I never masturbated, and for a long time I wasn't aware that it's extremely abnormal for men to not do that.
I cannot even find a way to occupy myself. Everything is either trivial or impossible. I feel like dying when working out. I cannot enjoy things because there's this other thing to take care of. My life feels like being stuck behind some grandpa driving 60 in an 80 zone. I feel my best years are running out and covid made everything so much more complicated, annoying and insufferable. I used to enjoy my studies but with these insufferable masks everyone just hurries back to their cave and social life is dead. Why couldn't everyone be reasonable and this shit would be over with already.
So I have all the things people normally aspire at hand but for the life of me I cannot connect with women in any romantic way. Making aquaintances or friends is really easy but that's all. And I don't even know if that's the THING I'm looking for. I don't want to get a SO as replacement for a therapist either so I want to fix myself before that but I feel like I totally missed the curve and I'm already running late.
The f\*ck is going on??
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ADHD
|
Recently my thoughts are dominating my mind, I don't want them, but suddenly I feel like I want it every time (and my emotions follow them), I'm afraid of agreeing with these thoughts. Is this normal? How should I treat it?
I can't agree with these thoughts without feeling guilty afterwards, and my doctor said that ignoring makes them worst.
I think about blasphemy all the time, and sometimes something triggers me (even my thoughts) then I get angry and think bad things about God as if I wanted.
Sometimes I question what is my real desire, if it's OCD or a real desire, sometimes I even think that i'm not getting anxious as i should
How do you guys deal with it?
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OCD
|
This has been something I have constantly struggled with for years and it just sucks. I have this feeling that something bad will happen if I don’t read the news and reading the news makes my anxiety go to an all-time high. So reading the news makes me anxious and not reading it does the same. Is there a way to stop this? It’s so infuriating.
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OCD
|
I’ve been on a steady downward spiral of depression for the past 6 months and I wanted to share my background, experience and things I’ve tried to get better to see if anyone can relate / provide some advice/ tips.
Background:
- 35 (M)
- no previous history of mental Illness
- amazing partner and solid group of friends
- Supportive and close knit family
- High pressure and stressful job
- Financially stable, but arguably behind were I should be
- Family history of mental illness (father was schizophrenic and committed suicide, mother suffered depression and anxiety all through my childhood and adolescence, sibling also suffers from anxiety and battled an eating disorder)
Drugs / alcohol and addictions
- Currently addicted to nicotine (vape the equivalent of a pack of cigs a day)
- Drink alcohol on average once a week and dabble in drugs quite regularly (coke once a month, psychedelics once a month)
- Also found myself developing a porn addiction over the past 6 months (use it as an escape)
Symptoms of my depression
1. Total lack of motivation
2. Inability to concentrate / focus (which is severely impacting my work)
3 anhedonia
4. Increasing isolation (linked to the above)
5. Anxiety (linked to the below)
6. Rumination and negative thoughts (it’s like a war zone of doubt, self recrimination and worry)
7. Suicidal ideation (crosses my mind daily)
Suspected triggers of my depression
1. Stress and burnout - I was working way way too much for a 6 month prior to developing depression
2. Repressed trauma - At about the same time, I witnessed my mum have a breakdown which affected me greatly and brought up repressed feelings from when I was a child/teenager and witnessed it for years. She’s the thing I love most on this planet
3. Dopamine disruption - I’ve no doubt that my nicotine addiction has caused havoc with my dopamine system and has resulted a down regulation of my baseline dopamine levels
Things I’ve tried to get back on track (to no avail)
1. Exercise - I’ve been exercising 4-5 times a week
2. Diet - I’ve been eating relatively healthily
3. Supplements - omega 3, vitamin d and creating and probiotics
4. Thermo/cryotherapy - 2x sauna sessions a week and 3-4 ice baths a week
5. Bright light therapy - 15-30mins every morning
6. Meditation - 10-20 mins a day
7. Psychedelics (2x Ayahuascha + 2x high dose mushroom trips)
8 . Took a month off work to reset (it didn’t help)
9. Therapy once a week (it didn’t help)
Things I know I should do but have yet to do:
1. Quite nicotine (I’ve tried and failed numerous times - any tips?)
2. Take a break from drugs and alcohol (haven’t tried, but suspect this should be the next step)
3. Take a break from porn (tired and failed numerous times)
Things I’m considering doing, but am ambivalent
1. Start antidepressant medication (any tips?)
If anyone has any suggestions / reflections I would love to hear them
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depression
|
I've been on concerta my whole life basically. I got diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old, as a girl tok which is shocking. But anyways, I've been on concerta on and off for the last 16 years and the past few years I've been strictly on it. I just upped my dosage from 36 to 45mg and I've never sweated to much in my life!!! Like I can't only wear black now because of how bad it is and it just won't stop! I've has this problem when I first started it as a kid but it went away but now it's back with a vengeance, I need a solution, literally anything. My hands are sweating, my underarms, like everything but my face thankfully.
If anyone has any suggestions for curving these side-effects I'd great appreciate it!
Ps. Going off them is definitely not an option!!!
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ADHD
|
i fear getting a diagnosis i strongly belive im aspie but fear it will come back as if i dont ive been struggling my whole life but my mum acts like the nurotypical who thinks they relate and my dad doesnt know as i dont trust him plus he says all asd have a look which i only have in some photos
i know it might make my life easy but fear it might not say i am and i cant afford it
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aspergers
|
Since I started using stimulants again, in combination with downers like Valium. I get more panick attacks even when on it and the feeling I got in my chest is such a torture, I just can’t stop thinking about it hurting no matter what.. every answer is appreciated love you all
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ptsd
|
Hey guys, I’m moving to Argentina soon. I will be taking a few months worth of meds (concerta 54mg and 36mg) before going, and also prescriptions, my exams and a report from my doc.
Does anyone here is from Argentina and has a doctor to suggest? I started out going to a neurologist, stayed with him for years, and only changed to psychiatrist because I needed anxiety meds and well, it was better to pay only one consultation for the prescriptions.
I don’t mind doing all the exams and tests again, I’d just like a good reliable doctor that will actually check up on me instead of just prescribing something every few months.
Thanks in advance!
|
ADHD
|
2 years ago, he was diagnosed with Aspergers, DMDD and years before that ADHD. The testing he went through was extensive and they told me he was so highly intelligent, that his Aspergers was hidden in a way. HIGH visual learner and hard time with audio.
Before today, I thought I had a tiny idea of how to help my son grow. The usual “keep him in routine, keep rewards and consequences, don’t break routine” and so on from DRs, therapists, books. Till I posted on FB that today that I just don’t know what to do because it seems like anything I do just doesn’t work.
Having issues with the fact if he doesn’t want to do it, he throws an absolute show down till he knows he’s mentally got me owned. He manipulates situations to cause fights in the house so he doesn’t have to do his chores and so on. Once things are calm and you ask him why, he’ll tell you it’s because he just didn’t want to. . . Now two weeks into school and every morning it’s a showdown just because he doesn’t want to go. I understand the anxiety aspect and him being scared and so on. But this year it’s so much worse and it’s effecting the home and my other two kids. Odd of it all, he ONLY does this here at home when everyone is around. Anyway. .
Today from multiple people (Aspies themselves or parents of Aspies of older kids who’ve gone through what I’m going through now) have told me that I’m taking his sense of self away with all the routine. That helping him be in control of certain aspects of his own life are good for him. That some rewards are okay, not too many though because it starved his self motivation. That taking away his games as a means of harsh punishment could possibly be taking away his way of coming down off a high day of sensory.
It’s crazy to be honest. I thought I had a tiny window into how I thought I could help him grow and now it’s like I’m not even sure what to do anymore.
I’d honestly like to hear as much honesty as I can. I’m open to anything at this point. Please help me help him.
Yes, he’s on meds. Nothing to make him a zombie. I love his quirky self. Yes, he will get his tail popped on more serious outbursts. Yes, he gets treated like the other kids, no exceptions. If he’s stimming severely and I send him to his hidden cubby he likes to bring himself down.
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aspergers
|
I feel as if I'm so high functioning that people assume nothing is wrong with me so they can easily blame my behavior or awkwardness on it being intentional or my fault or laziness, etc.. All the stuff we talk about on this subreddit.
I heard like 70-80% of people with aspergers are unemployed. Who do I come to for guidance on how to do things as an adult I've never been taught? I feel as if I am able to do it on my own, but that statistic scares me. Just that tiny bit of "quirkiness" or "awkwardness" that people see is that tie breaker between me and someone who is neurotypical, because they can understand them better.
What can I do? Who can understand my stuggles of autism and teach me skills of being an adult I was never taught? How to sell my work and not myself in a job interview? To give me resources about my condition? To give me resources of how to find work, etc? Medicine? Exercises that don't make me feel so drained so quickly? This is probably scattered, I don't know. I've never felt so helpless like this before, not even close.
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aspergers
|
I’ve been fairly certain I have OCD for a few months now. My girlfriend told me back in June that apparently not everyone has a voice in their head that constantly tells them that they’re a bad person for not picking up a piece of litter that they found in the street, and my therapist told me it was likely OCD. As of today, I finally have health insurance for the first time in a year, and so I plan on using it to go to the doctor to try to get on some meds. What can I expect from this appointment?
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OCD
|
I'm a boy, my Parents are divorced, and I have to be with my Dad every other weekend. I can't stand him, but I have to be with him. I'm not quite able to have a legal say it the matter, but I want to leave him as soon as I can. I have a brother, who also hates him. He (my Dad) is racist, sexist, ect. He's swears, and yells a lot. Seriously, he could out-swear a sailor. I want to leave him, but I don't like making people sad. And I would feel bad. He's anti-vax, and won't let me take Prozac, even though it was prescribed. Most of this probably sounds sounds unrelated, but it makes my OCD worse, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's the cause of it. My OCD drives me, and it drives me and my family crazy. I just needed to vent a little.
|
OCD
|
Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)
***STILL NO CHANGE TO THE SNOWBLOWER BUDGET!!!***
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aspergers
|
I seriously cannot have a regular conversation at live shows / bars / clubs I cannot seem to pay attention to anything else except how loud it is or everything else around me. Like someone will be having a conversation with me and I cannot listen what so ever. Is this adhd or sensory issues? I’ve been diagnosed as a young kid with auditory processing disorder bc I couldn’t take a test in a room full of people because I’d get distracted by the sounds. This still happens with everyday life and I thought it was sensory overload. Idk anyone else deal with this too?
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ADHD
|
I decided to go to university in hopes of making it into an high paying job.
I am very curious, analytical and I also have great communication skills and interpersonal skills and I think I am capable of outlining and presenting complex issues in a simple manner. I work best under **pressure** and on a **deadline basis**. I tend to shine in times of stressful situations / emergency.
My main strengths are that I have good people skills (networking / communicating), and I'm generally good at learning things and problem-solving (health, sport,). I love research, problem solving and I am a fixer. I need constant feedback (constant feedback loop) and progress. When problems or errors come along I am working on them until it is solved.
I look back and when I was a teenager and until now I always liked doing sport, asking questions, doing something with my hands all day and times where helping others made me feel good.
Honestly, if I find a topic that I like, there is no stopping me from finding out everything I can about it. I tend to prefer a breadth, not depth” approach, I feel more comfortable covering many names rather than doing a deep dive into only a few. I then like to organize the info in some sort of coherent form. If needed, I could write a report about my findings. I find that in the evenings, when I'm surfing the Web, fulfilling my curiosity, is the time when I find myself lost in the moment. I am hyperactice and always on
What kind of careers would fall under this realization? What job would suit me?
|
ADHD
|
So i didnt know i had ADHD till i was 26.
All my life i did crazy things. Always to the extreem.
Im talking about self destructive to the end.
Drugs. Women. Achol. You name it i was doing it.
Over 90 escorts. Prostitutes. Whores. Sluts.
Drugs all kinds.
Achol morning till night.
I started seeing therapy past 6 years and didnt do shit. They simply cant understand or relate to how i can exist to this level of extreem.
Last month i joined here. I never give to fucks about adhd thought i could handle it.
But after being here. I found that it controls me. Despite me fighting it on every corner. Every momment was a fight with it for control. I swim 2-3 hours. Then gym 2 hours. And eat like a fat pig. I destoryed every relationship i had with people. By sheer madness.
But just a month being a part of this chat group. I found some sense of peace. I just had to stop fighting it. Now i can see my thoughts forming. My mood shifitng. I can talk to it. Try to change it. Try to calm down.
I think this ADHD group can really help people. Even the simplest things open an understanding on how you think. Im in a place of peace. Its orite. Its not what i expected. Seems dull but addictive enough to stay in it forever.
I hope you all win your battles. I feel like im starting a new life. I was on the very low. Now seems im powerful. Some of us are too blind by our struggles to see reality.
Wish you all the best in your battle. ADHD is somthing else.
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ADHD
|
I have had OCD since I was at least 6 (that I can remember) and I am now 23, I used to think my OCD was more extreme as a child and that it is better now but I am wondering whether it’s actually just me having learnt to live with it and my brain does the obsessions and rituals without noticing so much.
Anyone else experienced this?
|
OCD
|
Recently got diagnosed and put on meds. I don't feel as restless when I'm on 10mg XR Medikinet (basically Ritalin) but when the meds wear off I start to feel restless again, get way more impulsive/hyperactive etc and find it even harder to calm down than when completely unmedicated..
Sleep has always been a big issue for me. I know about exercise, daylight, meditation, melatonin, weighted blanket, food intake, etc but I feel like the restlessness overrides it all. My brain just craves so much (physical/sensory) stimulation. I try to provide it but it's hard because it just wants so much and I get bored so easily.
Has anyone found a way to calm this restlessness and need for stimulation? Should I try different meds? Even more exercise/roaming? I would appreciate any insights you have. Thanks!
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ADHD
|
idk if this is ocd or not. but i cannot stand certain textures and think about them constantly to the point where i’m having chills and am absolutely disgusted. for instance, i HATE styrofoam. absolutely cannot stand it. it feels like nails on a chalkboard for me but times a thousand. just typing this is making me shiver. yet i feel the need to touch it or scratch even tho it bothers me ughhh. anyone else??
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OCD
|
I'm autistic and I have ADHD. I know that social anxiety is often commonly present in both conditions. Since I can remember I've felt a wave of tremendous dread in the weeks/days/hours leading up to social commitments, sometimes even for events I know I will enjoy in part. From experience I logically know that the best thing to do is grit my teeth and tide it through and nothing truly bad will come of it, but the anticipatory dread never lessens. I'm in my late thirties and tired of having to feel this way, tbh.
Do you have any strategies you've found successful to help quell this dread? Logic doesn't seem to work. Ensuring I have an escape route and that the people close to me know I'm not very social have both been useful to a certain level, but the dread still pops up. Any hacks welcome!
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ADHD
|
I want to have feedback from redditors who experienced crisis. What was your breakpoint?
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OCD
|
I was admitted into u of m psychiatric facility on July 28 of 2020, I was admitted into the hospital because my primary care thought I was at high risk of committing suicide.
​
when I had got into the hospital the staff was nice for the most part.
it was during the summer and not much was going besides going to group sessions and watching movies.
the other patients were quiet some were friendly and shy and the others seemed to have a lot going on in their lives outside this institution.
flashforward 2 weeks into my stay and I meet a male psychiatrist. he was this tall. lanky Indian guy with thick glasses and eyebrows. he and I sit down to talk about why am I here at the hospital he automatically asked me why im here at the hospital and and what my goal is, and I asked if I could speak with him alone about the issues I've been dealing with and he says "sure". but he soon returns with two different nurses with note pads and I become confused. he soon becomes sarcastic and passive-aggressive whenever I give him answers about something and would give me a dry response like "it's normal". I soon tell him this isn't getting anywhere to which he replied sarcastically with "I know". and proceeds to give me a death stare trying to make it seem as if he had some sort of complex or authority over me. to which I stared at him back and soon caught on to what he was doing. I started fumbling my words and choking up and feeling like I was going to faint, I also felt a burning sensation around my neck and chest. once that idiot ass left out of the room I was relieved that it was over but then after I was calm again I was pissed angry at the fact that I didn't do anything or say anything to stop what he was doing, I soon told one of the nurses what had happened to which she acted like I didn't know what I was talking about but told me I can talk about it with him in the next conference we have together to which I said ok I also told her I felt like hurting that doctor for how he basically acted towards me.
The next day we have the conference we go into a room with the same 2 nurses from the last meeting.
and we all sit down. she discusses my treatment plan and my goals and what I want to do when I leave the hospital and how I'm going to change. she then refers to doctor G and this guy LITERALLY is on his phone play candy crush or whatever fucking boomer game he's playing and then proceeds to not care about what is going on. she then tells me do you have something to say to dr xxx to which I reply I wanna hurt you and then he proceeds to bring up and threaten me back with "that wouldn't bee good for you..." and he proceeds to read off all of my confidential medical history and files in front of me and the 2 ladies in the room and I just froze at that point. I tripped over my words explaining the reason why I felt the way I did and basically didn't get my point across which is something I felt the most ashamed of considering I'm a grown man. he tries to play the good guy card and brings up my primary care saying that she knew me since birth (even though that's not the case) and then tries to bring up my family (specifically my grandmother) and say that he knew her for so long and saying that she was a good worker. he then tells me I didn't look like a fighter which is something that made me upset because I'm quite the opposite. he brought up people of my skin color being brought into the system (prison) and how they were mistreated there, he tried to play mind games with me and it makes me mad and I constantly have homicidal thoughts and hate towards all medical workers in general and every time I see and Indian or a someone in a medical uniform something inside me just wants to tear them apart and I keep having premeditated thoughts towards him and people just like him. and i just wish i could send that man off to hell.
​
later on, in a virtual appointment in march 2021, I have a video visit, he wasn't supposed to be on that video visit because I had told one of the leading psychiatrists I didn't wanna see that man because I didn't think I was going to hold myself together. i soon hear he was on a video call to which I responded by having a panic attack i felt the fear I felt in that room where i felt I could defend myself whether it was verbally or physically. and i started zoning out and having memories of what happened in that hospital i felt powerless and helpless. so i told the leading psychiatrist i wanted a moment o myself before continuing so i could get myself together. once i got on the call he popped up. and i saw his face but this time i didn't freeze i looked him in the eye without any amount of fear and stood my ground. he pretended like he didn't remember me but i remembered him and what he did i didn't respond to him i just stared at him and said the usual small talk hey how are you etc to let him know that i wasn't done with his ass not yet. i was going to make sure i got my fair share of justice to how i was treated and i was going to make sure of it. i could feel the change in how he acts when he's around people vs when he's with people this guy acts like a bitch when he's not around people/ i got him figured out, i soon reported him after that to the lead psychiatrist and i felt good.
thinking about this has caused me to spiral into a mentally exhausting rut and i even went as far as to fantasize about ending that man's life. i would try to find info about him and stalk him to see his personals. but yet it got me nowhere i was falling back into the same person i was before i had entered that hospital. and after i had come home. i wasn't going to allow those man's words to break my soul and tear me apart because I've battled hell physically and emotionally and mentally. i lived in a rough environment, grew up without a dad most of the time. was raped by family members, was neglected, treated like trash, homeless, i was broken and I will not fall down anymore...
thanks, godsend
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ptsd
|
Currently my room is pretty messy and not conductive for my productivity (It's basically my workroom/classroom as I'm only online rn, and I can't really change that unfortunately). I've mastered my clothes drawers, it's set up so that I can see literally every single article of clothing which has worked wonders. I'm just not sure how to apply that to the rest of my room haha.
Any tips? Even just examples of your own setups would be very helpful!
|
ADHD
|
Hi. 22 F, USA.
For context: I have terrible anxiety and rumination controls a big part of my day. It’s habitual, so I do not think about it unless I’m reflecting on things.
While I ruminate or idle during the day, I tend to twist a patch of my hair near the nape of my neck. It is compulsory. I do not realize I’m doing it most of the time, but my friends and family do.
I have had this habit for years. It is resulting in bald patches of hair. HOW DO I STOP. PLEASE SOS.
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OCD
|
I’m curious if living very minimal has helped anyone here with OCD. I have compulsions of decluttering/reorganizing drawers. I just wonder if I limit myself if it will help?
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OCD
|
Hi! I’m a 20m and struggle with Gad, depression and adhd. I’m looking for advice or help or anything really. I’m desperate. I can’t find a job that I can keep. Every job I quit, or get fired from makes it so much harder. Even jobs I absolutely love I failed at. I’ve gone through 2-3 different staffing agencies but once I’ve went through them once I couldn’t imagine showing my face in there again. I’m really struggling depression wise because I really don’t have anything that interests me anymore but I have to do something. It’s to the point I feel physically ill when I look for jobs(I know it’s pathetic) but I can’t switch it off! I’ve tried a few SSRIS and currently I’m on Wellbutrin but I feel like it’s not helping. I see a therapist whenever I can work up the courage but it doesn’t help besides give me a day or two afterwards where I feel a bit positive, but quickly fades away. Please anybody respond, I have no one.
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depression
|
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since elementary school and ended up developing an extremely severe adderall (and later general amphetamine) addiction. I’ve been sober for about a year now and feel better than ever. Unfortunately, I still can’t seem to focus or get anything done for the life of me. I have so many thoughts and aspirations floating around in my head that just can’t seem to escape my impenetrable brain fog — it’s so frustrating. Not to mention having to juggle a relationship, a full time job, and school. I have been looking for a therapist that specializes in ADHD but the waiting lists in my area are extremely long.
How do you guys cope without medication? Any safe non stimulant alternatives that work for you?
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ADHD
|
I (25 M) am 99% sure I have ADHD I found a online diagnosis website and was wondering if it's real or if I should just go to the Dr or something else in school I was told I probably have it but that I would need to go to a Dr to know for sure but never went because my mom was against it hopefully someone here will have some advice
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ADHD
|
I’m looking into medication (lexapro) for my OCD.... what are you guys prescribed and at what dosage?
Also, is medication worth it?
|
OCD
|
Anyone else deal with super fast racing mind? I feel like i get so overwhelmed by how fast they go, i cant keep up. I feel so over stimulated. Its a constant inner dialogue going, even when non anxious.
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OCD
|
i’ll keep this short. Sometimes, after I eat something really bad for me or just too much food in general, I have a strong painful urge to make myself throw it all up. I’ve gone through with it a few times and it was relieving but I can’t get into the habit of it because I don’t wanna develop an eating disorder. It’s one of those hyperfixations that’s flat out painful to go through physically and mentally. I’m trying so hard to sit still but I ate a PB&J and it feels so heavy and I wish I ate something else. Anyone else fo through this?
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OCD
|
GOD. unmedicated ADHD sufferer here and boy am I suffering. I can't sit and do a bunch of research and write several pages of shit I'm not hyperfixated on honestly. imagine if my parents recognized my struggle in high school and got me treated for it and medicated. wowie my life would be easier. anyway I'm absolutely suffering as hell rn and I can't write this paper I think I'm gonna take another nap goodnight pals
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ADHD
|
A co-worker has advised us that he will take a leave of absence due to depression problems.
I feel very bad for him, I hope I could help him, especially having known, unfortunately, what depression is and how it destroys you, your way of seeing life, your way of thinking and your environment.
I just hope my friend can get out of this hell much sooner than I have been.
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depression
|
I just want to hang out with someone, or that my friends replies to my messages, but apparently that's asking too much, so I talk to myself pretending that I'm talking to one of my friends. I also do this as a form of "reherseal" before I meet a friend or go to a doctor's appointment, and I can only guess it's due to anxiety...
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depression
|
I have a fear for white people now. My racist neighbors took things too far, they reached out to my career and I received harassment and death threats. My mental state has not been the same ever since, I am very defensive and aggressive now. I dissociate and experience PTSD from my trauma. Neighbors who got on their trucks/cars and going around circles around the block. It triggered so many panic attacks, I thought they were going to run me over. On top of that, they were slamming doors as I was walking by. This is a clearly a harassment, are some ppl just sociopaths who wants to ruin and torture people??????? I just don't understand how twisted and evil these ppl are, I almost took my life because of these aholes. I'm still suicidal from all the trauma they have caused me.
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ptsd
|
I currently identify as a bisexual but I obsess about being a lesbian. So yesterday I was testing myself by imagining a scenario where a guy/girl were lap dancing on me and with guys, I mentally liked it but no sexual arousal or tingly stomach sensations but when I imagined it with girls, I was anxious and was thinking "am I going to get a tingly stomach feeling??" and then I got a little tingly feeling in my lower right quadrant it only lasted for a few seconds and got worried that it meant that I was a lesbian because I don't think I've ever felt this towards guys. Today I was scrolling through tiktok and a few attractive girls popped on my fyp I wasn't excited about it though because I knew I had to test to see if I liked them or not and also to see if I get a groinal response/that tingly feeling once again and with one of the girls I did get that tingly feeling again and yeah.....I felt anxious again.
I know this might be internalized bi/homophobia because I am attracted to girls but because of ocd (I think) it feels like I like every girl and it's annoying and I don't want to only like girls I want to like guys aswell.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else sometimes feel like they way they perceive things is so loose and foggy that it sometimes just feels like you’re high? For me my thoughts are very visual and detailed so sometimes I question whether or not I’m genuinely hallucinating or just daydreaming. Of course I’m not actually hallucinating but it can feel that way sometimes.
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OCD
|
I love gardening. It makes my hands work, I can see progress easily, and I love being able to go out and harvest! Are there other ADHD gardeners here, and how do you do it? I have to keep my garden in the front yard, and force myself to go out and do things, tho I love it once I have! No clue how to plan... I make a million drawings and then forget to look at them (most of the time in a garden journal that only has the first 10 pages or so used, lol). I don't know how to figure this all out!! Is there an ADHD gardening group?
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ADHD
|
I have an inability to sleep before 3 am at the earliest. I am a uni student, so this is maybe relatively normal, but jesus christ having to go to 9 am lectures with only 4-5 hours of sleep with already very poor concentration is absolutely killing me. Most normal tips for fixing sleep just don't seem to work. I can be ridiculously tired and still not sleep until the early hours of the morning, it is becoming a problem.
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ADHD
|
Recently I started a job at the local grocery store. I can't drive because back when I tried to learn, it was sensory overload for me and I just couldn't do it. As a result, I have to walk or take the bus. This job was 4 miles from my house. That's a LONG walk to do early morning, especially when most of the way is narrow shoulders. No sidewalks. I relied on my family to get me to and from work most of the time, but it became an issue more and more. I got sick of it. I hated having to worry that maybe I don't have a ride one day, so I have to plan on a 2 hour walk coupled with bringing a change of clothes so that I can wear bright clothing so I don't die. My shift never aligned with the bus schedule and my job told me I wouldn't get any hours if they made my schedule fit the bus schedule. It all became too much and I withdrew and called off to the point where they had to let me go. After that, I started becoming fed up with life. I've been unemployed for a few weeks, and it's been the most rejuvenating experience of my life. Not having to constantly mask and read off my script so I can fit in and provide decent customer service. I can just be me. It's been amazing. I feel like I haven't been able to really do that since high school. Sure, eventually you go home, but you're too internally exhausted to do anything or really even be yourself. I found that the more time I spent in that world, the less me I became even once I was back home. That's apparently called autistic fatigue/burnout, which is something I only just learned about a few days ago. I still live at home and my family are constantly pressuring me to find a job. They make me feel like I'm being a lazy bum. In reality, it's not that I don't want to work. It's the idea of returning to work and having to start masking again and start reading off my script again and feeling that constant existential misery. That idea has brought me to actual tears multiple times. I'm not just dreading it, it is giving me actual feelings of fear to have to go back to that. I just feel so burnt out of having to force myself to fit in with the rest of society most of the day, most days of the week. Feeling that exhaustion and fatigue constantly made me unable to talk the way I normally would. It made me not want to write music or play guitar or listen to music or watch a movie or play a game. These are my passions and things that make me, well, me. I actively feel, as I said, less like myself. I know that I have to go back to work, and I'm taking steps to do that. Like applying and interviewing. I apologize for the book, but I felt you needed to understand the extent of my situation. How do I deal with this fatigue I'm describing? Are there options for me? Should I seek out a psychiatrist or something? I genuinely don't know what to do.
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aspergers
|
Does anyone else have to knock on their knee or knock on wood after having an intrusive thought ?? It’s to make sure it doesn’t come true and if you don’t knock on ur knee or wood then the bad thought will come true.
|
OCD
|
I wouldn't say that I'm depressed I would say melancholic, I was thinking on the people who died, memories that were left behind with few to remember until they are longer gone, and the only prove that they existed is dust.
|
depression
|
but as soon as i open up to people about my problems they say that it’s not normal and i should be getting help but yet i STILL feel like i am faking it.
|
ptsd
|
New to adhd feel like I am picking up things in this sub that I never knew were related to adhd. I would like to learn more, are there any books specifically about adhd that you liked? Or maybe any blogs or websites to read? (I hate watching things on youtube I interestingly have more patience to read vs learning something from someone talking and taking forever to get to their point 🤷🏼♀️)
If you have any books not for adhd but think they helped you please mention also.
Thank you.
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ADHD
|
I had a meltdown in the car yesterday with my family and I'm still in shock. I've never had an outburst like that ever. I had just got off work and they picked me up and we were going to their house. It was crammed tight because there were not enough seats for us in the backseat. I was squashed in the middle between my brother and niece. I was in a low mood having had a stressful time at work and they kept telling me to be happy and stop resting my head on my work bag. I was overstimulated and was having really bad racing OCD thoughts. Then my misophonia got triggered and I just felt trapped. I started freaking out. I was crying and saying I was sorry over and over and hyperventiliating.
Everyone else did too. My sister went off on me stating I'm acting out because "(I) I think I have autism/depression from joining (those) Facebook groups and talking to people I shouldn't talk to" she called out some of my Facebook friends who she's seen commenting on my posts and that they're "brainwashing" me into "thinking there's something wrong with me" all the while I'm having an extreme panic attack and feeling out of control. My brother starts saying things like "I need a beer" , "no one cares about this", "I think you do this to get attention". He put his hands over my mouth and tried to restrain me to get me to calm down. Which made me panic more. I just wanted to jump out of the car and run away from them.
I can't believe I did that. Why did I act out like this? I've been trying to be more comfortable in my own skin instead of pretending to be happy and neurotypical and I guess it's starting to show. My family doesn't like it and they don't want me thinking I have possible autism at the same time. 💁
I feel horrible I scared them like that, but it hurts like hell that in my time of needing comfort they chided me and made me feel invalidated.
|
aspergers
|
So today in the middle of work I remembered a “dream” that felt like I’d had a long time ago (like over a year ago). The memory of the dream hit me like a ton of bricks. I was thrown off because the dream had nothing to do with what I was doing and I spent the next 15 minutes trying to remember the dream wondering why I vaguely remembered a very old dream at that very moment. 15 minutes later I realized that it was in fact a memory and a flashback (not a bad one). Now I’m so concerned that I’ve had “dreams” I remembered that I didnt bother to try and remember fully and they were actually lost memories? I don’t know how to cope with that.. it’s like really upsetting me. Any suggestions?
|
ptsd
|
It doesn't work for me a lot, but I get the advice a lot. wanted to know if anyone else had a similar experience.
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/mrdoe0)
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OCD
|
when I was younger I’d blink really hard because I liked the way it felt, and it got to the point to where my body would just do it for me and I’d not even notice I was doing it. I also liked singing songs and shit when I got really excited, but that typically didn’t make anyone mad, most people thought it was funny and so did I.
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ADHD
|
Since Ant Man came out in 2015 (I’ll fact check that later) does anyone else have the fear/paranoia of there being camera on insects? It’s been a while since I saw it but I remember there’s the bits when there’s like cameras attached to the ants or some shit to spy or whatever and so any time I see a bug somewhere in my house I immediately think “that spider is in my bathroom to spy on me” for whatever reason.
I guess if it ever became a named syndrome it would be under the Truman one bc it’s the same kinda thing, but idk I just thought of that then bc I saw smth else about the Truman effect/syndrome/disorder whatever you want to call it, and then I saw a spider in my bathroom and had that thought and like????? Thought of Ant Man? Idk if this is the right place to post this but idk what the appropriate subreddit would be.
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OCD
|
It seems like my boredom span for jobs is getting shorter and shorter. the longest I’ve ever been at a job has been a year, and I worked at two separate jobs for ab a year each. then my span went to about 4 months, then two, and now I get bored of a job in less than a month and suffer through it until I feel like I’m going insane. the only good quality of this is that I’m an insanely fast learner and usually only need a few hours of training (at least at jobs that it usually takes people a few days). I wish I could find a job that I actually enjoy, because that’s the only way I can see myself sticking with a job as someone with adhd….problem is, idk what I even enjoy. I’ve door dashed full time before and liked being able to make my own schedule and make the money I needed to make. I liked depending on myself and not having to listen to someone else, but the money is just super inconsistent and the job is hard on your car. I’m struggling severely to stay at jobs. I wish I could find a career path that I would actually want to stick to that pays the bills. the only thing in my whole life that I’ve never gotten tired of is animals…that’s literally it. every hobby I’ve ever had before comes and goes, no matter how much I love it.
|
ADHD
|
I didnt know how to flair the post but i think its rather a rant, since im down bad from ocd this very moment.
So anyways im 18M, becoming 19 this monday, i have had OCD since i was 8 or 9 but i was diagnosed this february, all these years that i now know that was the OCD i was refering to it as "that thing were i loose control of my brain again" every time it sparked
So anyways i am with this girl since july and she is the love of my life considering i had a crush on her for like 3 or 4 years. Last november i develop ROCD and the next 4 months become a living hell until my therapist told me i had ROCD. But then she does sth stupid, she told me that there are worse cases like for example (trigger warning, yes it triggered me so much that tortures me until today) a father who had intrusive thoughts of killing his daughter. So i start obsessing about it developing harm OCD which i did 1,5 months to get rid of only to continue having ROCD since mid (with february being officially the worst month of my life so far, with me almost destroying my relationship and coming close to suicide twice). I change therapist of course and i started getting better with rocd going gradually away until it dissapeared in the end of march (it reappeared two weeks ago beacuse we had a huge nasty fight but now everythings ok). These last days i felt harm OCD reappearing with yesterday being the worst day, right now i cant even close doors or do violent moves at home or even stand in the same place for a long time beacuse i dont trust what my brain will spit out. There was also a wife killing in my country and its what everyone is talking about, not really helping things out when it comes to triggers.
So anyways any advice? Is it normal that i have another theme when the previous one is completely over(right halfway my uni exams, im anxious to the point there is not even a night where i dont have a nightmare,thank God for therapy beacuse i am still semi-functional, at least for now) or am i doomed to be like this forever? Anyways sorry for the lenghty text, thank you for reading this far, love u all stay strong❤
|
OCD
|
Imma just come out and say it. I miss the days when autism was seen as a neurological disability and the only point of getting diagnosed was to recieve accommodations, assistance and therapy. Not to have an unnecessary label as if autism is your entire personality. We live in the generation of identity politics with things like BLM and Pride and now autism is becoming another “thing” that people act like creates their entire character.
Im sick of saviors and and pity and people asking me every 5 seconds if im “overwhelmed by the noise and crowd” or if every time i slip up socially and someone looks uncomfortably at me i get the over accepting leftist friend screaming at them all like “HER BRAIN WORKS DIFFERENTLY DONT JUDGE SOMEONE FOR HAVING AUTISM LET HER EMBRACE HER IDENITY” blah blah blah making a big scene in front of stangers. I’m sorry Emily but autism is NOT my identity. I honestly look at this hyperacceptance almost as bad as someone calling me the r slur and cutting me off because being friends with an autistic person will “ruin their reputation”.
When i tell people im autistic i only tell when i need accommodations or added support. Not so everyone in my family and friend group will wear neurodiversity flag shirts and scream and constantly bombard me with “I love and accept you for who you truly are even when you do this that and the other thing because YOUR AUTISM IS VALID” in the tone of a kindergarten teacher. And the worst thing is that so many autistic people (especially in gen z) seem to LIKE this new babying treatment. I cant stand it!!! So now i just don’t tell anyone because being treated differently is still being treated differently whether it’s in the name of “acceptance” or not.
Sorry for the rant.
Edit: thank you for the positive responses I really wasn’t expecting anyone else here to agree with me on this.
|
aspergers
|
I don’t even care anymore, it’s happened time and time again, knew it would be a mistake to try to talk to her about it but i tried nonetheless, she just goes on with the same spill she always give and talks about how her bills are her ocd and that’s her compulsion and she knows this upsets me and so i calmly try to explain to her like that’s not ocd, and i tell her all the types and how each has impacted me and she just doesn’t say anything for about a minute and half and then just gets up from the table and says she’s going to bed.
I listened to her for 4 hours as she was talking about her work when my dad wouldn’t, yet when i want to talk about something that has been affecting me lately i can’t even get her to understand what i’m struggling with. And i’m like well this is a touchy subject for me and i always feel dumb when i talk about it so i send her videos, she doesn’t watch them.
I feel like i fool yet i also just expected this so i feel like i’m exaggerating my frustration even though this upsets me, i’m not going to let it brew even though it still will. Just starting to not care anymore.
|
OCD
|
I have ptsd from something bad that happened to me when I was a young teen, around 14, and I am constantly reminded of what happened to me. Sometimes I dream that the assault happens again or that the perpetrator is breaking into my house. Even in daily life I get flashbacks of what happened. If a guy bumps into me or comes around a corner and I wasn’t expecting it, my body clams up and I start feeling very anxious. Worst of all, it happens when I’m with my boyfriend. He loves me more than anyone and I cannot imagine life without him. But, because of the assault, when we try to do anything sexual I freeze and can’t even move. I’m suddenly petrified that I’m so vulnerable. Even though I trust him with my life my body won’t let me put my guard down. Does anyone else experience these things? Is there something I can do to try and work through these problems? Any suggestions would be very helpful. I have been to a psychologist for years, but this is still a big problem for me. So please, any suggestions would be great.
|
ptsd
|
My anxiety is kinda bad this morning. For the past month or so my intrusive thoughts have kinda been going up and down and I guess today I might have a bad day. Theres a couple of factors that may be playing a part and at least one of them I can do something about so I will definitely do that.
Anywho, just wanted to put it out there somewhere. You guys have a good day. Keep your head up and stay strong. :)
|
OCD
|
Now the pandemic has ravaged most of the world, and still is, all my social structures are gone. I used to meet a friend for coffee at the same place for 5-6 years. Because everything smelled the same, looked the same, felt the same and sounded the same.... it was incredibly easy for me to appear normal. I could engage in conversation, have banter and really good connecting moments.
But I realize now that all that is gone, how much I depended on it. Depended on most of the world around me in my environment was based on patterns I had already identified and gotten comfortable with. It was to the point that minor disruptions could be tolerated. Like if my friend were late, I could accommodate it. Or if the sun was particular bright. I could ignore it. Because nothing else was stressing my brain out, because it was basically going on idle just check marking that everything seemed normal.
|
aspergers
|
I’ve recently been diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been struggling with OCD for over a year non stop every day with several themes. I didn’t know what I had and it became so severe that after a year I went to my GP out of panic and he referred me to a psychologist. After some research online I finally found out what I was probably dealing with (ocd) and when I realized my fears were not real they slowly faded away (with ups and downs). Now I would say I’ve been symptom free for like 6 weeks. However, I’ve been diagnosed last week and I’m starting therapy next week. But now I’m wondering if I even have ocd or if I was wrong. I don’t understand why it went away and why it didn’t came back yet. Is it possible that ocd goes away for some time? Does it happen to you? Is it probably coming back? Thank you for your help.
|
OCD
|
I just think making friends really isn't worth it anymore. The chance of finding a GOOD friend who actually cares is super rare. I can't vent to anyone anymore without them telling me, "Oh, yeah, you need therapy" or "go get 5150'd retard" or "ayy lmao me too". Like, how does that help me? It's a good thing that most of them have started ghosting me. One person literally said I was "too depressed." Like, okay, ouch. But I don't care. I think I prefer being alone anyway.
Anyway, hope you guys are feeling okay. I'm currently starving due to a financial issue that is unfortunately out of my control. Who knows when it will be fixed.
|
depression
|
Hi,
I am currently visiting lectures again and I am in my masters. Because I had the last year no lectures (internship, thesis). I now again realised how strong my day dreaming is. Even when I am in a lecture for a topic I am really burning for I just start to daydream stuff like these:
\- Me being in Star Citizen flying around farming earning doing stuff
\- Me in a Fantasy welt killing orgs
\- Beging on a Star Destroyer ordering stuff
\- etc.
I guess you get what I mean. When I start to daydream I get so lost in it. It just feels great doing this stuff in my phantasy. Do you have any ideas, tips or tricks to avoid daydreaming? In one single lecture I probably at least drift 3-4 times away effectively daydreaming 10% or more % of the lecture.
|
ADHD
|
y'know, those neurotypicals that try to put you down because your adhd hindered your academic achievement? how do you convince them that that wasn't out of intellectual incapability?
I've been put down my whole life. almost no one has ever had faith in me. many of the adults in my life told me i was smart, but i never believed them. at first, my grades were effortlessly impeccable, all high A's, little-to-effort put forth, a reading level 6 years past my grade level. i got medals for my academic achievement.. but then, middle school came. it was hell. everyone thought lowly of me. hundreds of kids told me i was stupid, and i believed them. i crumbled under the pressure. i still feel don't feel like i deserve to be where i am right now. i feel fake, like everyone around me will start seeing me for who i am, and when that happens, they'll abandon me... just like everyone else did.
|
ADHD
|
He said he didn’t understand what I meant when I said there was nothing left in this world here on Earth that anyone could take from me when I was alive.
They’ve taken my liberty and rights and violated my body. He still didn’t get it when I told him I would feel exactly the same in this state even if I were sitting in the worst imaginable place in most peoples minds like a prison.
What do I have to do to explain the depths of my trauma?
|
ptsd
|
I have seen from someone that they hate being asked the question, "how are you" because it sends them down a spiral.
What can I do to support my friend through her bad times? I am actually only aware that she has told me of herself having suicidal thoughts last year in march 2020 due to body shaming by her classmates... I did not know of it. she had not owned u to me. sometimes, she tells me how she feels, I send her a reply back then she stops... should I not do that? comment and reply?
I want her to open up to me... but she's quite introverted... now I don't pester her anymore on how she feels.
honestly i haven't read guidelines for "how to be a good friend?"
can you guys tell me from a realistic point of view, what would a person battling suicidal thoughts and "it" want their friends to do??? i mean... we ARE pretty close, but she closed up again... also she shifted two years or so after we became friends.
|
depression
|
For context I'm f21 who has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, cptsd, bpd.
For the past month and a bit I've been gradually coming off effexor so I can start a new type of medication. I've been on effexor for 5 years and I've never been more mentally ill then I have been in the past 2 months.
With each new low dosage of effexor I do everything gets worse and worse. It started with headaches and slight nausea to mild nightmares to what it is now which is full blown mental breakdowns every single day, horrifying nightmares each night, vomiting, random spurts of crying. To straight up suicidal thoughts. Yesterday I started not taking any effexor because next week I'm starting my new meds and need to be "sober" for a week before starting. I legit feel like I'm dying physically and mentally with each day. It is killing me. I'm scared of myself.
And I'm expected to continue to live my normal life. I can't afford to take time off my work because I'm dirt broke. Please can someone please tell me if I'm going crazy or not.
I'm not being dramatic when I say this but if my mental health continues to decline this is going to kill me.
|
depression
|
I'm twenty years olds and I live a really good life, my parents love me, my sister loves me, my car is paid off, I live rent free at my sister's, and I have a good job from my bil. However, it just feels like the ball is going to drop soon. I've lived with my sister for over two years and I already overstayed my welcome, I've tried to quit, but ultimately stayed so I would not cut ties with my sister. My car was paid off before I could pay any bills so Im having a hard time building credit since I know little financially. I'm getting better about chores and doing things on time but that's only for my personal life and not academically. Academically I have already dropped out of my two classes in college. I know I'm just giving up. It's like how can you lose on life when you're on easy mode? And I always feel terribly selfish, and I know I am. But it feels almost impossible to get out of my situation especially since my situation is so easy and advantageous for me. I wish I hadn't gotten any help from anybody that way I wouldn't have disappointed anybody but myself. I know I'm lazy and unambitious and basically a leech I wish I could just quit my job that I got from them so I can go and try to be a better person by myself but when I tried my sister was very upset and said if I did that I could forget about talking to her ever again if I gave my two weeks. I know I am the bad guy here but it feels like I'm just going to be stuck in this cycle until they get fed up with me and kick me out. I don't even know how to get an apartment, or pay bills, or budget, which is ultimately my fault since I had originally thought I would kill myself before highschool. I don't think I'll ever be an adult, and if I am I'll be the one I always thought I hated when I was young. Selfish, greedy a bad person who took advantage of others especially of their own family's generosity. I also recently got a boyfriend, he's great, but I feel like I can't do the thing I want to do with him and my family continuing to be around me. I feel as though I need to isolate myself before I decide to go as to upset as little emotions as possible when it's time. The longer I stay here the worse it becomes for everybody else.
|
depression
|
I forgot that my auto shipment was ordered and coming through chewy so I panic bought the same chews from Amazon. They both arrived on the same day and now I have like 3 months worth of allergy chews.
Thankfully they won’t go to waste, however it’s a rude reminder of how often I’ve done this with other things that end up wasting my money. The adhd tax is real :(
|
ADHD
|
My ex girlfriend (f-27), said she left our loving supportive relationship of 6.5 years because 1. She lost feelings for me, and 2. Our whole relationship was focused around OCD.
I don’t disagree with her that her habits and compulsions ran the show. I enabled them in some form or another because I lived around them and tried to keep the peace.
Questions:
1. Will she always associate our relationship with severe OCD? Or could she somehow change that view in the future?
2. She claims she is already detached (2 months post breakup) and is attempting a rebound relationship. Will the habits which she had in our relationship simply transfer into the new one? She hasn’t done any work or self reflecting since the break up.
Happy thanks giving everyone :)
|
OCD
|
At first, it was just extra-hygiene, nothing to worry about (washing hands, taking showers excessively). But it's getting worse day by day. It's not about items sorted by order, or getting diseases from outside. It's about my germs spreading to anyone else. Like i have no problem if someone outside touches me, but if my germs that i think are "dirty" gets somewhere, i clean everywhere in the house and ask everyone to wash their hands, change their clothes. For example i cleaned every light switch and doorknob in the house at 3AM because i thought it was dirty. Or washing the clean dishes again. I don't really have a problem with me being dirty but it's about my family touching my things and being contaminated by me. Anyway can someone tell me what to do, can i stop this without it getting worse??
|
OCD
|
I just got molested by my bio dad I just met for the first time and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. A lot has happened since and I have been destroying relationships with the last of my family that are willing to help me. I don't like the person I am right now and I need all the advice I can get to get over/ cope better with my trauma. Please and thank you. All suggestions are helpful!
|
ptsd
|
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