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I turned 30 this week and I feel like this week just exemplifies how much my life sucks.
* I didn't get any presents.
* My parents were too busy to come see me.
* No birthday sex from my wife.
* Got rejected from a few jobs I'd applied for and interviewed for.
* Struggled at work because I was too tired to act positive.
* Struggled to spend time with my child because I just feel like a failure and don't want to be a negative figure in her life.
My childhood, teens and 20s have not been very happy:
* Physically and emotionally abused by my parents growing up.
* Abused by older half-siblings who watched their mum commit suicide and took that out on me.
* Anxiety attacks right through my time in school.
* Drug and alcohol abuse to feel normal.
* Had to terminate my first child in the third trimester of pregnancy due to a brain condition.
* Workplace bullying from my boss when I took time off to grieve for this.
* Brother yelled at me for being sad about losing my first child.
* PTSD from childhood abuse, loss of first child and workplace bullying.
* Regret for changing careers from engineering to teaching - thought it would make me happier but been even more miserable. Stuck in my new career as a teacher.
* Been on countless antidepressants, supplements, sleeping meds etc. None helping.
* Can't feel happy for my living child and I feel like I'm failing as a father.
​
I hate my life. I want to die but I don't have the courage to do it myself. Life sucks.
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depression
|
Hello everyone I'm 22y M and since 14 Years old I suffer from Saliva Ocd .
It all started at 14y , when I Talk with people I'm scared that they could see me smallow my Saliva or could hear it.
Even with my family, I can't look at them in eyes without thinking about smallow my Saliva.
This lead to social anxiety and personality disorder ( I'm a people pleaser , I love when I'm center of attention, love arouse other)
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OCD
|
I was a musician for a decade, which kind of spoiled me in this regard. I was only actually performing for around 20 hours a week. And when I was performing, it wasn't a constant strain of willpower to focus on what I was doing; Either the piece was challenging enough that it required my full concentration, or I went on autopilot and just people watched. All of the rest of the work involved with being a musician (practicing, networking, etc.) I could do at my leisure.
I'm on my second long-term full-time office job now. The first one I did for around 3 years before I got supremely burnt out, quit, and took 6 months off before going back to performing. This job I've been at for 4 years, though I've been pretty solidly burnt out for over a year now. I'm working R&D, which is great for me for the most part. My boss is super nice, but also ADHD and absolute crap at giving guidance or following through with things. Which was great for the first two years, it meant I could chase down any weird idea that popped into my head.
But now that I'm burnt out, I just stare blankly at my computer for like 6 out of 8 hours a day, or waste time on Reddit. This job is all self-starting and problem solving, which is just impossible when I'm this burnt out. Part of me wants to try negotiating for a sabbatical or something, but I'm afraid that's going to get me laid off, considering the downsizing that's happening due to COVID. My only other real options are to continue putting up this facade of productivity, or to straight up quit and lay on my couch for 4 months until my soul returns to my body.
Does anyone have experience with this dynamic? Anyone out there come to an agreeable solution with an employer expecting 40 hours a week? I'm back in school getting an engineering degree, but I feel like if finding an engineering job means I'm bound to 40 hours a week, this pattern of getting burnt out is just going to keep repeating itself.
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aspergers
|
I hate normies who say this, you think any therapist ever treated me like a human? Do you think I didn't have more therapists than people who like me from age 10? Fuck you
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depression
|
Is there any song for people who have never been loved? I always hear a song about breakups or how they missed being loved but I want to hear something different.
Song suggestions?
|
depression
|
Got prescribed 27mg of Concerta and noticed it was making me tired during the day.
But when it came time to sleep, I was waking up every 2 hours on the dot.
This is my first time trying any ADHD medications and wasn’t sure if this is common or not. I’m only on it for 2 weeks then I’ll be meeting with my psychiatrist to see if we want to switch to something else.
It’s also been making my eyes really dry lol. I take it at 7:50am for reference.
|
ADHD
|
So I'm a 20M diagnosed and everyone I know told me atleast once since I know them that some conversations look like an interrogation from my side, I read the convos and they seem totally normal to me so I really don't know what to do lol.
It's ok to them after a while, but I don't like thinking that they might be thinking I'm questioning too much their actions or whatever they are telling me and be annoyed.
It annoys me the most when the girl I want to ask out eventually tells me that cuz I think I'm a creep or smth and this is what got me to post this :)
Oh and 1 more issue, all the girls I asked out always told me it's very obvious I like them since the start, is that good or bad?
I never posted here cuz english isn't my main language and don't want to make typos in serious posts :/
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aspergers
|
i just kinda dont want to anymore. almost every job ive been at ive been touched by a manager. (ive only worked at three jobs). i just want to be treated like a fucking human. im not a meat bag. i dont want to get up anymore. i reported my manager to my GM and he said "that's just how he jokes around." I reported him to HR. you guys probably know how corporates HR is. my family says "youre just a pretty girl, that's whats going to happen." i cant anymore. ive had other managers tell me im over reacting and using my "woman power" to get something. i dont want anything but for it to fucking stop. i just want to be treated like a person. i want to die. i wake up only to go to work and be touched or called a whore or a tease because i dont welcome it. i thought turning 18 was supposed to be fun
|
depression
|
im rlly scared. im pretty sure i gave into a thought. it was so vivid and gross and i didnt do what i needed to do to stop it. it felt like i liked it for a moment. i think im actually a pedo. i dont have any excuses for what i did. im so sorry.
|
OCD
|
i’m currently ripping my (very small) house apart trying to find something i had two days ago… and it’s now vanished. does anyone have any tips? please dear christ, everything i can online find is: “don’t lose things in the first place!” as if that’s any help. i can’t handle this, everything is invisible to me i have no object permanence and no one to help
|
ADHD
|
Hey Guys! I have been off my meds because I haven't been able to make an appointment with my doctor until this tuesday and I have been off them for about a week and a half and i have all this homework and shit to do and study for a test but I cant make myself do it and i want to so fucking bad but i cant physically just get up. Any suggestions?
|
ADHD
|
I'm staying at someone's house for the holidays. There is an abuser that is also here and I have to be near this person and sleep in the same room. I've been having to mask my emotions the entire time and I feel like I'm going to break and sob infront of everyone one day just because of- it's that feeling of your body being on fight or flight and just the flood of memories coming in. I have to stay here around two weeks and I'm going to hate every single day of it.
I can't be alone for too long bc of the amount of people here and I- I just am not sure how I'm going to get though it.
|
ptsd
|
I really wanted to wait until I got vaccinated but she's pushing me to get one, and it's triggering scrupulosity with COVID going on and such..
|
OCD
|
When you are anxious, just repeat phrases to yourself. Anything phrase will do. Just keep repeating it over and over.
I think the autistic brain just simply wants repetition a lot of the time.
|
aspergers
|
I keep spiraling when it comes to this. I know actions and kindness are what truly matter but I can’t help thinking I’m a narcissist or a bad person all the time and am only doing good things for good boy points.
|
OCD
|
As title suggests; I have adhd, inattentive type. I’m on 10mg dex in the morning and a top up of 5mg in the afternoon.
My focus improved a lot, but I can’t seem to stop working, I make more mistakes during typing and I notice myself answering questions before they finished talking. But even though i notice this, I can’t seem to change this.
Can someone explain why this is and/or if someone can relate?
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ADHD
|
I have doubts about my diagnosis especially because some „symptoms“ sound just like normal traits to me: Doesn‘t everybody stim sometimes? Isn‘t it normal to sometimes miss irony? Aren‘t there many people who prefer to have rational discussions and sometimes struggle with emotional discussions? Isn‘t a significant part of the population introverted? And don‘t many people have the same hobby over a few years (aka special interest)?
So my actual question is: Aren‘t these autistic traits actually quite frequent, rendering like 40% of the population autistic?
Thanks in advance for your helpful advice.
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aspergers
|
I have dyscalculia and ADHD. Measurements and maths are extremely slippery and challenging for me, and that explains why despite my interest in making food I so often find it a negative experience.
The hurdles of impaired executive functioning that get in the way of making food are compounded by my dyscalculia ("up to 60% of people who have ADHD also have a learning disorder, like dyscalculia").
It explains so much, and now I'm all excited about developing new strategies based on this insight to making cooking a better experience for myself.
I just wanted to share this revelation in case it might be helpful to someone else here with similar challenges.
|
ADHD
|
This might be a shot in the dark but I’m desperate. Any recs for a female (preferably woman-of-colour) psychiatrist and/or psychotherapist who specializes in ADHD in Toronto? Or the Greater Toronto Area… or anywhere in Ontario really, if they take video consultations. I really really need a diagnosis and medication, and can’t afford to be dismissed by doctors who don’t understand my experiences. Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
I’ve been trying to crack down what’s wrong with me since I was little. From my earliest memory, I’ve raged, had meltdowns, would manipulate people, and couldn’t form connections with others. Also had trouble learning in school. I’ve been diagnosed as BPD (borderline) and ASPD (antisocial), however it wasn’t until I found a new specialist who was able to make the connection that because I have narcolepsy, there is like a 20% great chance that I also have autism because they occur on the same region of the brain. I never imagined that I could have autism because I never knew much about it, nor anyone with it. After the specialist had me take 3 different online tests, she told me she was certain that everything I experience is due to ASD and not a personality disorder. I recently read a book that talked about how girls with ASD are often times more manipulative and very good with social cues, often making them resemble a personality disorder, but that the 2 don’t necessarily go together. My question is: have any girls on here been diagnosed as having a personality disorder, or possibly do have both? I’m so stumped by the fact that I could be ASD, but resemble ASPD. Just trying to understand ASD better. My special interest is foreign languages. I am VERY good at learning foreign languages and speak 3 in native fluency.
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aspergers
|
As an aspie, I'm really interested in stories about people who maybe discovered the aspie aspect about themselves and then used that self-knowledge to launch a "second career". Anyone?
|
aspergers
|
Hey there.
When I was around 5 years old or so, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome and Attention Hyperactive Deficit Disorder. I never enjoyed going to school, and I remember outright refusing to learn math because it made me incredibly anxious. I don’t even know if this is true or not, but I was reading while the other kids weren’t during my early childhood. I would never fare well on IQ tests at all, and the psychologists were not informed that I had Asperger’s syndrome prior to me taking them. I was also not taking any ADHD medication while taking these. If anything, I have a slightly above average musical ability, so do I meet the requirements to be a savant? Am I just lazy or am I genuinely fucked?
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aspergers
|
It’s been six years of medications and therapy and psychiatric visits. I spent a year and a half at a psych ward. Doctors have experimenting on me with medications. I know it’s part of the process but their lack of care makes me think otherwise. I’m starting lithium carbonate today at 600 mg on top of faverin and seroquel. I heard that there’s no recovery from this hell. I feel caught in the middle and unsure of my following steps. My friends are tired of me and all my bullshit and I’m so alone. They all abandoned me. I hate being a massive liability to them but there’s genuinely no one I can confine with. I don’t know how much longer I can push the inevitable. It’s like my life started and got over immediately. I’m only 21 and there’s nothing I look forward to in life. For the first time I’m failing academically as well. Before you say it, I already saw my psychiatrist today. I need to get this off my chest. I’m officially a lost cause
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OCD
|
I have harm OCD ( hope still ) . Can you start to ruminate like :" what if i like it ? Or : i actually want to do it " .
|
OCD
|
My problem is that i can't stay happy. My happiness is in sparks I am all good till I remember my life. I can't find pleasure in anything anymore. Any advice?
|
depression
|
I think I might have really mild aspergers but I'm not completely sure because there some things that don't really make sense to me so I'm trying to figure it out, even though I know I won't know for sure unless I get a professional diagnosis.
I've been looking at symptoms, and one that always comes up is having meltdowns. I don't think I've ever experienced a meltdown. I don't cry much, and my friends even shared with me how often they cry and I don't cry as much as them at all. And when I do cry, it's only because I'm missing my pets that died. I am by far waaay less emotional than any of my friends and people in general.
But after reading other peoples stories, it seems like there are different forms of meltdowns or shutdowns, and I'm wondering if I'm experiencing it.
I noticed a pattern where I'll have normal social interactions (like a normal introvert would have) for a few days or weeks, and then I get to a point where I don't want to talk to or see anyone. This period lasts about a week or so before I return back to normal. Nothing ever happens really suddenly though, it's gradual.
What happens during this 'shutdown' is that gradually I dont want to talk to people. So when I come out to the kitchen to eat, I don't really want talk to my roommates. Then as it progresses I won't sit by my friends during class and won't say hi to them at all. Talking to people takes a LOT of effort and the entire time I'm just irritated on the inside. Like it's physically and emotionally so hard for me to talk to people during this period.
Then after a week or two I return back to normal, talking normally, seeing my friends and hanging out, etc.
From what I've read this doesn't sound like a typical meltdown of someone with autism, but I'm wondering if it could be a form.
I feel like having an explanation to my behavior would be such a relief. I hate to be that person that's like 'oh I'm just having a moment' or whatever so If I knew that this might possibly actually be caused by something besides being emotional or whatever then I would feel so much better.
So yeah, just trying to get some thoughts.
|
aspergers
|
I never considered the possibility that I could have ADHD. My brother was suspected of having ADHD, but my parents never completed the testing process for him. It made sense that he had it, because he could never focus at school, was always blurting out random stuff during group discussions, and could never sit still. I never disrupted class like he did, so no one ever suspected that there might be something different about me.
​
Fast forward to 2021, and I am working in a medical setting. I am incredibly stressed out because I am terrified of making a critical mistake due to carelessness. I am expected to learn my tasks on the job. I can never remember how to do anything. I constantly forget to do things that my coworkers ask me to do. After a few months of this, I was let go from my job.
​
I was incredibly frustrated with myself. I tried my absolute hardest, yet I still crashed and burned. I decided to give up on that job and just try to get a regular minimum wage job at a store. I ended up watching a show on Netflix in my spare time. It had a character who was always forgetting stuff and was super disorganized. I really identified with some of the struggles she had. I eventually learned about a fan theory that she has ADHD. It inspired me to search up ADHD. I came across the official list of ADHD symptoms on a government website. I identified with some of the symptoms, but not enough to really consider talking to a doctor about it.
​
Then I came across this subreddit. As I read more and more stories, I realized that I find a lot of the same struggles in my life.
​
Here is a list of my struggles:
1. Constantly forgot to do tasks at work that people asked me to do.
2. Frequently forgot certain critical steps at work.
3. Constantly forgetting to do stuff that my mom asks me to do.
4. I feel that if I don’t do a task now, then I will end up forgetting about it.
5. I am bad at prioritizing tasks.
6. I sometimes eat when I am bored. I find that I can focus better after eating for a while, even though I wasn't hungry.
7. I often fidget. Not to calm myself down, though. I think it might help make me less bored when doing boring things.
8. When I was a kid, I hated watching movies where people were just talking. I wanted to watch action movies. Even now, I often skip the parts of tv shows where people are talking about relationships and other stuff. Its sooooo boring!
9. I get super bored and sometimes zone out when people talk about typical stuff like going on hikes and getting coupons. My family members often get annoyed at me when I zone out when they talk to me. I can't help it. Everything they talk about is so boring to me.
10. I have a hard time controlling my anger. I don’t get angry very often, but when I do, I get super mad. I often punch the air, can’t focus, act illogically. I will be on a short fuse unless I can be alone and rest for a bit, or eat candy.
11. I am bad at time management. Many times, I am barely on time.
12. Walking, running, or using a stationary bike are so boring! For most of my life, I hated exercising. Even now, the only way I can get myself to excersize for a decent length of time is to think about scenes from my favourite tv shows.
13. I have sometimes forgotten to bring stuff with me. Grade 6 and 8, I left my jacket at the playground. I forgot my jacket in class 2 or 3 times in grade 11. I’ve left my lunch in my backpack for so long before that it gets rotten. This happened so many times. Until grade 6, my notes, desk, and binder were always so messy. Until a year ago, I would just stuff all my junk in my closet and would rarely clean it out. Sometimes, I find it hard to focus when there are visual distractions and lots of noises.
14. I’ve bought many things that I quickly get bored of: clothes, toys, etc.
15. I’ve done many stupid/ risky things because I couldn’t resist the temptation.
16. I often miss what people say to me. I have to ask them to repeat themselves.
17. I would zone out in class a lot from grade 1 - 6. I was just so bored. I often would read a book, eat, or go to the bathroom so I could play Plants vs Zombies on my Nintendo DS.
​
So now I'm really confused. I want to talk to a doctor about my problems, but I am worried that I am making a big deal out of nothing.
​
TL:DR - My brother probaly has ADHD. I did decent in school, but I identify with many struggles that people with ADHD have. BTW, I got tested for Aspergers, and I do indeed have it.
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ADHD
|
I have a 17 years old boy with Asperger just diagnosed, he started high school and have to take 2 buses and yesterday was the first day he had anxiety attack, i told a classmate Girl to help him but she didnt he just follow her as fast as he could, i feel so desparated he likes school but is stress out to take busses or ask to people because he cant comunícate o socialice with others Im just so down, and this Girl was 2 years ago in his old school and found out she bullied him at that time and she is doing the same now. Im sad.I called the school but they didnt give me and answer or what to do they are treating him like a regular student.
|
aspergers
|
I lost someone really close to me to a drug overdose. She was my first girlfriend, I love her so much. I miss her. A lot. The whole events surrounding what happened and the aftermath of it, I didn’t take to well. I pretended it didn’t happen. That I wasn’t friends with her. That I hated her. I did that for years.. 3 years to be exact.. last summer I was with a woman who was using drugs and I noticed I would be thrown back into that early mindset of losing her.. I started seeking help and my counsellor has said it’s very possible I have PTSD from said event. I didn’t believe it and kinda just went back to my normal coping methods (which were horrible) but I’m thinking he’s right. I’m switching my lifestyle, my coping mechanisms. It’s so hard.
|
ptsd
|
How did you do it? I keep telling myself that i can't magically turn into a P at 30 and that i don't find prepubescent girls attractive it doesn't work.
its like i'm having this perpetual doubt about myself
|
OCD
|
First things first, I myself am autistic (diagnosed at the ripe old age of 26).
I was out last week with my partner and one of their old friends who is autistic. She and I get along well at times and not at others. Mainly because she treats others badly on the basis that she has in turn been treated badly by the world. I see this person rarely for this reason. Think deliberately shouting abuse at others and constantly making snide remarks. My partner is very empathetic towards her and is sensitive to the fact that she has had a hard time. I on the other hand have difficulty dealing with the intense negativity and with someone who seems to think they can treat others any way they like just because they've had a hard time of it.
Anyway, she got intensely drunk when we were out and started shouting at me and finger wagging at me up close. It was an argument about something trivial (think about the difference between tastes in whiskey) I asked them to stop and they got louder and continued. I asked them one more time matching their tone and when they didn't, I said that I was leaving and I left. I regret letting myself get so worked up about it.
I should mention that this person assigned gender reasons to the reason we fought. Apparently transwomen and cis women can't get along according to her. She recently transitioned and has seemed to use it as additional fuel for her persecution complex. If anyone was shouting at me, I would ask them to stop.
I'm inclined to just let it go and never really speak to her again. I feel like a baseline level of respectful behaviour is necessary for a mutual relationship and I don't think she is capable of it. So do you think I should say anything to her? I'm aware we all have different experiences as people and I'm just looking to see what other autistic folks would make of this. Maybe I'm missing something.
|
aspergers
|
I have had friends of a friend of my rapist and my rapist use friends to interfere with every aspect of my life to torment me.
The one thing I constantly pray for is not only the rapist's lies to be revealed but each and every person and action since then to be criminally charged for intimidating or trying to destroy their friend's victim.
My rapist and his friends are particularly sadistic with access to police resources, so what I have been through is extremely terrifying.
How do you get through the day with not only the pain from the violence but the lies of the criminal potentionally interfering with the healing of that pain?
I will never understand psychopathic personality disorders.
|
ptsd
|
I'm 50 today and I feel anything but like celebrating.
The whole day is a massive trigger for me, as the date of my triggering event was the day before my 22nd birthday, and the PTSD was extremely violent and metered out by a father who was in psychosis.
I have forgiven him for this but the flashbacks still come. It still triggers me to the point that the day is ruined, because I can't get it out of my head.
Anyone else have this issue?
|
ptsd
|
I don't know if I have POCD or I'm in denial, about four days ago I simply couldn't handle the anxiety, it was incapacitating, I couldn't do anything, all I wanted to do is sleep, I decided to talk to my parents.
In the last couple of days, my anxiety kind of went away, I do think I'm a little anxious because I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, but I'm getting worried; maybe I'm just in denial.
If this is POCD it's absolutely destroying me in the fight, if this is pedophilia I don't know what to do, I really don't.
EDIT: I haven't done any treatment nor been diagnosed, I talked to a therapist once but I haven't mentioned POCD and I don't know if she knows about it
|
OCD
|
I know this is kinda like complaining about first world problems. and the modern world seems to have attention deficit problems, but i have an attention surplus.
I've been working on this coding project for the last 5 days or so, from the moment i wake up from the moment I go to sleep, and I want to stop working on it but I cant, I physically cannot stop thinking about it.
This hurts because its really big, and onces its finished, nobody will care. Its only for me, I won't make any money off it... when I desperately need money to survive. Its times like this when I wish i was more average in this respect
|
aspergers
|
In order to live a happy life, things need to change. I just don’t know what… someone please tell me… I just can’t take this….
Repeating the same routine over and over because I just don’t know what I should to with the way that I’m feeling… it would be so peaceful if life just stopped. A broken mess, that’s what I am. Things need to change, life needs to change, I need to change.. just… what am I waiting for….?
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depression
|
I am a disabled woman with asperger's, ptsd, and social phobia. Social housing is non-existent where I live, the waiting lists are years long, they are so long that nobody can even be added to the lists anymore. I don't want to be forced to pair up with an abusive man, or be forced to be someone's sex slave. After spending years living with a neurotypical my mental health has tanked, from the belittling and chronic invalidation, it just will not work anymore. Staying with family is out of the question, they do not want me, and even if they did, they would abuse me like they always have. I am very afraid. The only solution I can think of is finding another neurodivergent/disabled individual to share a regular apartment with. Are there any services like this out there?
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aspergers
|
I often find myself thinking of my Mom and getting easily bothered by her-- her personality, her values, her beliefs-- they're all very different from mine. Normally I can accept people's differences, but for some reason it is more difficult with her.
I analyze her words and always find some sort of inconsistency. Part of it is that she is more emotional than me. That is, she forms beliefs and opinions based on how she FEELS about them. This drives me crazy sometimes because I form beliefs and opinions based more off reason and evidence.
Another frustrating thing is the way she seems to disregard things that other people are interested in. She doesn't judge people for it, she just doesn't have interest in it herself. What kind of things? Pretty much everything. I am a huge nerd and could talk for hours about my favorite shows, games, books, etc. If I try talking to her about these things-- just to explain why they're so amazing-- she would listen, but she wouldn't get it. It makes me feel like she doesn't respect great art and then I get irritated. The kind of irritation you get when you try to communicate something and it just isn't getting through.
Conversation with her in general is just very unfulfilling to me. So I started questioning if I even want a relationship with her. Do I love her? Do I want her as a friend?
I think what I've been doing wrong though is that I am trying to make her fit into what I want from a friend. I think I need to simply accept that she will not be my friend. She is not someone I am going to call and have interesting conversations with. And that's Okay. I don't need to love her as a friend. I just need to love her as what she is: A kind person who is my Mom.
But it's still difficult. I'll be minding my own business and then thoughts about her will suddenly start consuming my mind.
*"Why does she think this?"*
*"How can I make her understand this?"*
*"She doesn't have good enough reasons to think this."*
And I have to tell myself not to engage these thoughts. But the thing that always gets me to start entertaining the thoughts is the idea that maybe I can solve it. Maybe I can finally understand her 100% and figure out a way to communicate with her perfectly! If I solve it then maybe these annoying thoughts will finally stop! So then I give in and start ruminating.
I could use some support. I want to stop getting frustrated with her. I want to stop having these thoughts. I want to stop feeling like there is something to be solved.
My idea to accept that she will not be my friend-- do you think that will help? I know it sounds a bit sad, but the alternative would be to work endlessly to try to change her and fix her, and I don't want to do that anymore.
|
OCD
|
Last year I was dating someone long distance, and we made plans to live together. He signed the lease to an apartment with me, quit his job, and told his family he was moving to live with me the next month. One night he sent me a message saying he couldn’t wait until we lived together so he could show me how much he loved me every day. The next day, he broke things off via a Snapchat message and backed out of everything with absolutely no explanation.
It was not only devastating emotionally, but almost ruined my credit score. I couldn’t afford the apartment on my own, and was told by the property manager that he would sue me if I didn’t pay the thousands in deposit and rent that was due in less than 3 weeks. I had to work 10-12 hours a day to save up money just in case, and eventually found someone who took over the lease with one day to go. The stress of those 3 weeks probably took 10 years off my life. The thing that fucked me up more than anything was that stupid text he sent the night before. I never got an answer why he would lie and lead me on like that.
Months later, I moved on and stopped talking to him. I eventually met my current boyfriend who is a lovely, wonderful person. Everything has been going really well for us over the last 6 months that we’ve been dating, but I’ve developed crippling OCD to the point where I’m barely functional.
Every day, I have probably hundreds of intrusive thoughts and compulsions from small to large things. If I don’t do the compulsions and rituals, I’m terrified that my boyfriend will break things off with me when I’m least expecting it just like the last guy did. My anxiety gets particularly bad when he acts distant or doesn’t communicating as regularly as usual, which sometimes happens when he’s stressed or working a lot.
I’ve told him about my OCD and to an extent, the way my last relationship ended. He understands, but I don’t want him to go out of his way to accommodate my mental illness. It would be unfair to expect him to be a therapist to me too. I don’t know what I can do. I’m a grad student and it’s hurting my ability to function in school. And I’m also aware that my OCD can actually hurt my relationship if I don’t get it under control, and create sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’ve seen a few therapists and am continuing to try and find a good one That actually does scientifically substantiated methods like CBT, but keep getting ones that push worthless new age woo. I’m sick of hearing that I just need to “make space for my trauma” or open my energy meridians and let go of it. I’ve tried MDMA and psychedelics which helped temporarily, but don’t often have the time to trip.
I’m having a particularly bad day and can’t get anything done. My boyfriend is not feeling great after moving last week, and I don’t want to stress him out worse, but it’s been impacting my OCD a lot. I needed to get this out to people who might understand. Please tell me there is hope.
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OCD
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I wasnt sure Where to post this but matbe it has something to do with adhd? I dont have it diagnosed but my therapist is pretty sure I have it. Okay so I have dated only once for like 2 months, i’m 19 right now and we broke up like few weeks ago. I just realized while dating that I had really hard time to develop feelings for her, we met on tinder, and started dating pretty quickly. I cared about her but I had hard time showing it and I felt like it wasnt genuine and it just felt kinda forced on my behalf. I dont have these troubles with my friends but i have known them for a long time. I just think that i have to get to know someone before i can develop proper feelings for them and care about them truly. I would like to know if other people have same experiences and if you do, do you know why. I have also anxiety disorder, can that be the reason or something else. I’m 19 year old girl and lesbian.
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ADHD
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I know that it can be difficult to stop this, and as someone who has had this compulsion it can be difficult to hear people say, “Well just stop.”
I’m not going to do that. Instead, I am going to list things to keep in mind while doing it.
(Keep in mind this is for Real Event / False Memory OCD, as that is what I’m personally struggling with right no)
1. Your OCD doesn’t give a shit about nuance. This is why our OCD loves it so much, because while your OCD doesn’t care about nuance. It doesn’t care how old you were when you did (or think you did) xyz, nor does it care about circumstances- it only cares about telling you you’re a horrible person. No matter how much nuance you find, it doesn’t care- it may gaslight you into thinking it cares, but it doesn’t. Because no matter the nuance, it’s goi to find a way to make you feel like shit.
2. In general, the internet isn’t that nuanced either. I mean, you might be able to find *something* helpful, but in general, the internet can be just as cruel as your mind. This, at least for me is why Googling doesn’t help. What do you normally find when you use Google? That’s right, the news. Typically, things that get put on the news are worst case scenario… and they tend to lack information, because the top priority for them is to report, not to sympathize. So you compulsively search for compassion… the internet is not the best place for that. I’m sorry.
3. No matter how much you Google, you will never find exact answers of what happened… and that’s okay. Everyone has done shitty things, and while you may believe that no has ever done worse than you, that is simply not true. Some mistakes we remember, some we forget. It’s a human experience.
I know it can be difficult to stop Googling, as most compulsions are, but I assure you, as someone who does it, it’s doing more harm than good. Next time you Google, ask yourself “why am I doing this? Is there better ways I can overcome this?”
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OCD
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Okay okay, this story is gonna get a bit weird but bear with me. I was just done masturbating and closing out the tabs lol. My mind thought of a young kid and my mind said keep closing out the tabs to see them and I did but I didn’t feel like I could control and my mind is saying I was doing it because I wanted to see it and at the time I think I did but now that I think about that’s horrible. HELP
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OCD
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I'm tired of no matter what I'm doing I see every possible outcome in which my loved ones are harmed or die. I'm tired of being afraid to play with my dog. I'm tired of being afraid to go out. I'm tired of picturing myself getting shot by someone I unintentionally angered at work. I'm tired of needing to call my parents multiple times a day to check on them. I'm tired of being afraid my boyfriend won't return from work. I'm on three psych medications and they're not solving this problem. I gotta dog for emotional support who I love but I'm afraid constantly might get injured. I'm just tired....
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OCD
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My whole life I’ve had this desire to befriend certain people I meet older than me. Esp my teachers/professors or the elderly. Obv it doesn’t really work out bc w teachers/professors you have certain professional boundaries. So it’s always a little bit of a bummer to me. Maybe I’m just an old soul.
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aspergers
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Hello. I have developed severe contamination based OCD over the past year. Things have really gotten out of control over the last 4 months and I’m pretty much incapacitated by it. I am currently being treated and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, but have not really made any progress yet. I am fairly embarrassed by what I’m going through and, combined with the widespread misunderstanding of OCD, I haven’t told any of my close friends what I am going through. As such, I have stopped talking with my close friends and haven’t really spoken with them in a month or two. They are worried about me and know I am going through something but don’t know what. I want to reconnect with them, but I don’t know what to say. As I said, I am embarrassed by my contamination OCD and don’t really want to tell them what is going on with me, so I don’t really know what to say or how to explain myself. Does anyone have any advice? Have you gone through something similar? How did you handle it? Thank you.
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OCD
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I've been diagnosed with panic disorder and PTSD and it's very well under control. But some nights I get these odd episodes where I fear myself breathing and how it's odd to be breathing? It's really weird. Am I the only one?
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OCD
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I'm a 27 year old male, was officially diagnosed with ocd about a year ago, and I'm having harmful intrusive thoughts. I have thoughts/visions of hurting myself or others, I have zero desire to act on them so they just scare the shit out of me and flare my anxiety.
Has anyone ever tried focusing the bad thoughts into good thoughts? Doing a full 180 and making your thoughts good, I would love to hear what anyone has done.
For anyone else reading this, you can do it. We can beat this, you're not alone, and you are loved.
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OCD
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I lived with my parents for 18 years before leaving for college. And I couldn't be more thankful for shifting even though I hate my college and college life as well. But, something is better than nothing. Atleast I didn't have to live in the same house where there's no room or spot without a good load of traumatic experience to haunt you.
But then, pandemic happened. And here I am, back to the same shit. Everything about this house triggers my PTSD. And I don't know how to help myself through it. All I know is that I can not be seen having random crying sessions daily and that I have to either muffle my cries or try to not cry at all. And in all honesty, whatever good happened by shifting to college has been undone.
I see my family as my abusers or perpetrators. And I can't look past it. I even took therapy while being at home but it didn't help me at all. TBH, you need time and space to heal. And if you're living in the same house as of your abusers/perpetrators, you can't get any better.
I will eventually move out for job, in like 6 months. Atleast I hope so. But for the time being, what do I do? It's suffocating.
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ptsd
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Hello everyone,
So, I remember reading somewhere that Nicola Tesla (a fellow aspie) noted how high IQ correlated with the appearance of more “intense eyes”. I myself am an aspie with an above average IQ, and I’ve been told many times that my eyes are “intense”. Has anyone ever experienced anything such as this or have an in depth explanation as to why?
*edit* Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this! I really didn’t expect this post to do this well. Thanks for the award as well!
*edit2* Thanks again everyone for all your insight on this, also just want to say that I know it sounds really pretentious to claim you have an above average IQ but most of us do and I’m just trying to better understand and shed light on aspects of the thing we all share in common. Thanks so much for the 2nd award!
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aspergers
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Over the past two weeks, I experienced a psychotic episode that was induced by prescription medication. Let me tell you, it was absolute hell on earth. Extreme highs and lows, explosive anger, inability to function, concentrate, began hearing things, believing someone was out to get me, disconnected from reality, the whole nine yards. I truly believed I had lost my mind and I have never been so scared in my entire life. Thank god for my therapist who immediately recognized this was caused by a new pill I had gone on, even though the doctors said it was impossible for it to cause such an episode. Went off the medication and returned to normal a few days later, so that was clearly the cause. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from previous traumatic events in my life. I witnessed an attempted suicide at 14 that screwed me up pretty badly. I started experiencing PTSD-like symptoms maybe a week or two after that had happened. I still struggle with that trauma, but I feel like I am reliving the whole onset of symptoms thing all over again, but in relation to my psychotic episode. For example, flashbacks, hyperarousal, and random panic attacks throughout the day. I feel like it's kind of odd to have PTSD from a psychotic episode, but I'm really thinking that's what is happening here. I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?
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ptsd
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Everything I see on the internet which is distinctly geared towards us is like, “I’m so sorry it sucks to be you, but there’s no cure.” I like being me, though. I don’t wanna be NT. It occurred to me the other day that even if I had that ability to be part of the emotive nonverbal dimension of humanity, it’s possible to game it. Like, some emotes are involuntarily, but you can control some of them, so NTs just lie to each other and us in ways we never imagined besides the ways they usually lie. I’m not interested. My point is, I love being what I am. Is there any cultural space for us that isn’t about how to cope with being us? Cuz I’m coping just fine: I wanna celebrate it.
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aspergers
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Very bad anxiety with sleeping, I don't sleep unless something is covering my other ear(pillow or blanket) because I'm afraid of someone whispering in my ear as a result of sleep terror. I have trouble sleeping because of anxiety of something happening to me. My dreams are extremely vivid and often have me feeling awkward, uncomfortable and plain anxious. I lose a lot of sleep
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ptsd
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I just noticed that when things are doing okay for me, my mind tends to wander more and my intrusive thoughts are especially invasive and hard to ignore? Whereas when I have something in my life truly troubling me I’m way more focused on it and don’t act on my intrusive thoughts as much.
Anyone feel the same way?
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OCD
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And I really couldn't agree more. I have this weird atypical autism or aspergers + adhd that manifests kinda like autism in women usually. People would describe me in middle-school as a "school shooter" type, i was really hyperactive and not self-conscious at all, I would say mean things on impulse, etc. That changed when I hit my 20's. I am now so self-aware that it's painful. I adapt to social situations really well etc. So I seem more like a "psychopath" than a guy with typical autism.
Thus, people often don't believe me when I tell them I'm autistic. Uhh, any similar experiences?
SOME EDITS TO CLEAR THINGS UP
What I meant was, my autism presents itself more like what would be stereotypically expected of females with autism, but alas, I am male. And I love it, I love my special interests, and the way I think, my sensitivity and emotions. This is completely fine for me, I don't understand why some people really fish for an argument by suggesting that wouldn't be ok with me cause I'm sexist or something. And that actually has me thinking, could it just be my personality that is more feminine? Maybe, who knows. Only problem I have is I cannot for the love of god focus on being productive, even with things I love. Also, I'm very socially competent but that is because I am so self-aware, not because I actually have good social skills.
Edit: What I meant by "seem more like a "psychopath" than a guy with typical autism"
Is obviously not that my feminine features make me a psychopath like some drama-prone person of course assumed.
I meant more like: Because of my symptoms being more aligned with the stereotypical "female presentation", and the fact that I'm so "high-functioning" and adaptive (to social situations, people, i mask a lot) rather than socially awkward as would be suspected, doctors have a hard time "seeing my autism".
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aspergers
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I really can not deal with this one because its such a vague theme of ocd that it in a way ends up spanning out to so many other themes. this ironically is completely onset as of today and here's why. so basically i was in the kitchen minding my business and i had one of those like fix the fridge bullshit compulsions and randomly had the thought that if i didnt fix the fridge fix or like touch it correctly then id have a fight with my mom when she came home from work. this thought was super quick and i immediately felt anxious about it because ive had other experiences where i had intrusive thoughts about situations happening irl with other people where they ended up happening irl, they usually are intrusive thoughts that are triggered by some other even that happened concerning someone and they're usually really fast but i always know when they're gonna come true in a way?? which is really fucking with me now because i also have like superstitious ocd and it makes me want to literally cry because this never bothered me before. but anyways so today when my mom came home i had a minor argument with her and we didnt speak for the rest of the day, right after we had this argument i immediately thought back to the thought i had earlier and then this is where im just completely fucking freaking out because what the fuck was that? like its happened before too, where i'll be like "i hope xyz doesnt happen" for like a super quick random moment, realize it, get scared, and then it happens later. this has happened a few times before but i always thought it was a coincidence because again this shit usually is triggered by events that already happened thats related to this, but this time there was literally no reason for me to think that???? yet i did?????? and now im fucking freaking out. my compulsions are getting so much worse and everytime i have an intrusive thought i feel like freaking out and panicking, like theres a huge pit of fear in my chest, and i'm also dealing with existential ocd right now so i cant even fucking explain how this makes me feel when its like affected with all of these at once? everything is literally just scaring me and creeping me out and i dont know what to do. has anyone else dealt with this? i know magical thinking is common amongst people with ocd but this shit is too much. its been a fucking day and i cant deal with this one.
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OCD
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I'm a 22-year-old woman and I'm feeling stuck in my life and my studies.
I've always procrastinated but during lockdown everything got slowly out of control because I had SO much time that I had to manage alone, without being able to study in presence at uni or with my boyfriend. Now I don't even study and I'm behind with my exams. I feel like I have bursts of motivation that don't last and that I can't control. And even when I'm motivated I can't always concentrate and get nothing done most of the time.
I searched online and taken an online ADHD test and I think I may have the inattentive type. I went to a psychologist and I was diagnosed with OCD (I knew I had this since I was a child, but was never medicated and I always managed to live without a proper diagnosis, plus now I feel it's less dramatic than it was some years ago). But regarding ADHD my therapist said that I couldn't have it because I was always good at school, but to be fair I'm not entirely conviced this is a good answer because I've seen lots of people here getting diagnosed even if they went really well at school.
Now I'm sort of stuck, because I want to go to a psychiatrist to assess for once if I have it or not, but I don't know if the comorbidity with OCD would make the diagnosis more difficult and if there are psychiatrists that are trained to treat both OCD and ADHD at the same time (even if now I feel like ADHD is more problematic for me than compulsions/obsessions).
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ADHD
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how do you all forgive people? I have a hard time telling people that I'm legit just over life and don't care about it....its just that the people in my live...literally everyone does not understand my way of thinking and actions...I've been hospitalized from "suicide" attempts and I still feel like no one actually understands my sadness and how I honestly don't understand people and how they live...sorry if this the wrong the subreddit but I've been depressed for longer than I care to admit....and have been thinking about just giving up on life....I'm not smart and have a physical injury now so I probably never be able to support myself and I Have a dependency issue...sorry if this post upsets people I just want some advice....what does one do when everything goes wrong?
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depression
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Okay so in really just wondering if I can vent how I'm feeling as I've been wondering for years what's wrong with me and am just finding it hard to get mental help when I don't know what's wrong. Basically can I please bounce this shit off of yall and can you tell me if you relate? I've felt for a while that I most relate to ocd but it's really just hard to know bc so many people have different symptoms, I've taken countless of those stupid online tests too and they've always said I should be checked for ocd but I just don't trust them enough:')
Anyways here goes, I might add some things in edits as I think tho cause my stoned brain go brrr rn
Info for context if needed - I'm a female 19 years old in UK
-Really up my ass about cleanliness(especiallyythe thought of anything being contaminated), spend a few hours cleaning daily as well as weird things like I have to wash the tap everyone I use it bc ut was previously touched with a dirty hand, won't touch cutlery etc if there is so much as a mark on it, avoid eating at other people's houses at all costs, can be bossy about telling other people to wash their hand and clean things a 'proper' way(only to do it myself after a lot of the times bc it isn't clean unless I cleaned it)
- Really having troubles with intrusive thoughts varying on nature too. It can be as simple as I could smash this plate right now or bad sexual /violent thoughts (by bad sexual thoughts I mean like thinking of fucking some random old lady on the street, shit I'm not even into that disgusts me, but also just sexual thoughts in he background 24/7 honestly) I have been having these thoughts from I was a child too although they have only gotten worse as I've gotten older
- Also just obsessing over my own wee things like, always overstocking with shit like food and supplies feeling like I'm always preparing for something? Making sure everything is always 'ready'. Things having to be done in a certain order, specific times and if things aren't going to plan feeling completely overwhelmed and having a breakdown
- Constant overthinking of just everything honestly. Feels like I'm always just reliving everything every bad thought and event all at the same time in my head which is shit because if my boyfriend asks me what's wrong it takes so long to even get a sentence out because you can't pick out one thing to say when everything is spinning round your head at once
These are some other mental symptoms I'm experiencing but I'm not sure if it has anything to do with ocd but gonna include so you get the bigger picture in case I'm way off.
- not feeling like I know who I really am/ wondering if I really am my true self. Idk how to explain but it feels like I just have a different side of myself that I bring out when in different people's company, and I'm really just made u of quirks and personality I've gotten from my friends if that makes sense. And like anytime I do try to be 'myself' I just feel out of place and like I'm just not thinking how most others are
- have hallucinations, mostly auditory though I have had visual a few times. Most of the ones I will get are hearing people whispering and footsteps when nobody is around- I once actually thought someone had broken into my house in midday as I heard the door open and people moving things around downstairs so barricaded myself in my bedroom and called my mum in an absolute panic(she was literally 2 doors away in he neighbours having tea and I lived with my parents a the time) I heard someone coming upstairs and was proper ready to shit myself. Then I heard the front door open, again for real this time and a few seconds later a knock on my door and could hear my mum saying to open, I moved my drawers away form the door and she said nobody was there.
- Shame and self hatred. I feel a lot of guilt and shame and like I'm a horrible person for shit I have done, and it's things I know I'm truly not to blame for just bad situations I got in, but can't help but to blame myself and always feel the disgust that comes along with it. --- comes along with the odd sprout of loving myself every once in a while only for it to crash right back down again though
Anyways thankyou sm to anyone who actually takes the time to read this and hopefully it makes sense :)
If you need anymore info pls ask and if anyone has anything helpful would be good
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OCD
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I started medication about 1.5 months ago (honeymoon period was about 1-2 weeks and was not great because my anxiety needed to adjust) and since I have started I have slowly but surely been seeing positive changes in my life. The biggest improvement is focusing on long term goals that I otherwise gave up on when I didn’t receive immediate results.
Over the course of my life I have struggled with school, work, and impulse control. Since being properly diagnosed and medicated I have been able to track finances much better, stick to a budget, and focus on long term goals that do not give immediate gratification and/or dopamine release. Things include: saving money, learning a new language, and learn new ways to stay organized at work that will overall improved my performance. In the past I have tried to budget and learn languages but never had the mental capacity to to stay on top of it or enough motivation to not give up. I have struggled my entire life with this (I was diagnosed at around age 10) and in one way am sad I am in my late 20’s and have just now started being properly treated
Has anybody else had similar experiences? Tell me what you have improved the most!
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ADHD
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My cousin always was a strange boy, never understood why but tried to treat him normally. Today, on my Brother's birthday, he was STRANGER than usual. He tried to stick a thing inside my Cat's butthole (we didn't let him go near the cat afterwards) thankfully i saw him when he was starting so cat didn't even notice. He broke several toys, no motivation, he just broke 4 toys. My sister has a rag doll of peppa pig, he ripped apart the rag doll's neck because, by his words, "Wanted to see what it had inside". After the party ended and i was alone with my father i asked him why my cousin did those things and then he told me that he had Asperger. This shocked me, i had never thought that it was autism, because before this he was just a bit different. What should i do to be a good cousin to him? I understand that he is different, but i want to be there for him.
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aspergers
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Like if your thoughts say push the door and you actually kinda move to push the door. Just pure pain and panic.
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OCD
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My questions are 'Does OCD cause impulses/urges to do things you don't want to do? What if you have poor impulse control?'.
I have urges from my ocd to drive off a bridge, stab someone, touch a dog inappropriately etc. because of my intrusive thoughts. But I do go somewhat towards the thoughts. For instance, if i get an intrusive thought about driving off a bridge, I'll turn the steering wheel slightly. Or if i got an urge to touch a dog inappropriately, i might pat down the stomach in that direction but not actually touch the dog inappropriately. Is this OCD or something else? I was thinking it could be my brain trying to test the thoughts? :(
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OCD
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I have ocd, and childhood trauma, emotional abuse. When I was 13 I had a intrusive thought completely randomly that I wasn’t gonna see my adulthood. I’m on the verge of adulthood now. Very bad anxiety still. I’ve had this anxiety about the number 18, I jus cant see past it. Idk if this is anxiety or what. It’s so scary. I’ve read things about ptsd/ocd that can cause this. It’s the same intrusive thought that has turned into some obsession and so convinced. I haven’t planned my future I just can’t. Has anyone else epxiernce this? I’m constantly having panic attacks over it.
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OCD
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Really need advice from UK sufferers how to get a real diagnosis the NHS are sending me in circles. Useless.
I've spoke to multiple GPs, nhs 111 staff and there mental health line. I keep asking about diagnosis and seeing a psychiatrist but it's like they have no idea what there doing they just palm you off to changing minds which in told is for treatment and not actually one on one figuring out what's the issue.
Need direction
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OCD
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I'm father of a one year old boy, but can nor spend more than three hours with him without getting close to a meltdown. How do you resolve this issue?
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aspergers
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Does anyone else have compulsions around phone checking? I constantly feel compelled to check over my email, calendar, reminders, notes, etc. to feel like it’s all “right” and I don’t know. It just feels like I need to do it. There is not associated obsession, but it’s a very strong compulsion and I really dislike feeling attached to my phone for really no good reason.
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OCD
|
Hi everyone,
​
​
I'm just wondering how your individual experiences vary regarding your Autism Spectrum Disorder symptoms across your lifespan and how your personality has changed over time as well. I've noticed that I was much like the robotic/cold aspie stereotype during my childhood (think arrogant/snobby Sheldon from TBBT in all honesty - as much as I dislike the character and the show I have to admit Sheldon is not a poor description of who I was like as a child in terms of persona) over time I've become more and more genuinely similar to someone who does not obviously, either from an internal psychological perspective or exterior perspective, have a ASD neurotype. However, I definitely still have some Autism Spectrum Disorder traits - but overall I feel like I express myself very differently than I used to, my reasoning and emotions feel different than they used to. (I'm much more openly emotional now than I used to be - its likely part of a character/personal development thing - also going from a preteen to over 20 also likely has something to do with this). When I was a kid, I hated textures but now I can wear fashionable clothing even if it isn't comfortable, I used to be monotone and now speak with expression, I'm more socially outgoing, etc. However, some symptoms have not "improved". For example, my anxiety and sensitivity are much higher now than when I was a child (I'm a hypochondriac due to experiencing some trauma when I was a teen and also as a result of the specific anxiety my general anxiety has gotten worse too. The entire global situation with Covid also doesn't help with this), I'm still socially awkward (but in a better way than before, and I'm more outgoing. (To use a TBBT reference again - more like social/outgoing Sheldon rather than arrogant/snobby Sheldon). While I had no interest in romance or sex before, even for most of my teen years, I'm more interested in both of those things now, etc. So just to reiterate.- how have your symptoms changed over time and how much of a person have you changed with respect to your personality, acknowledged character flaws, social relations, etc?
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aspergers
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Maybe now yes
But i really ask
In the various posts and attempts to help
Do I give you any discomfort?
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depression
|
Screw you, Apple! I’m lazy and hate having to charge Bluetooth headphones. I end up just not listening to music at all.
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aspergers
|
Hi everyone. I’m new to this community.
A little about me:
Ever since I was a young child, I’ve been told that I was a very bright and gifted kid who would go places in life. Sadly, as I entered junior high school, I quickly fell behind in class and my parents were often summoned to school meetings specifically organized to talk to them about my bad grades and poor focus in class. For whatever reason, no treatment was ever discussed- it was just assumed that I was a bad student or just plain lazy, which I internalized and blamed myself for.
In high school, things got even worse for me. My grades were horrible and eventually I began ditching class regularly. When I was in class, I found it extremely difficult to focus and pay attention to the teacher. Homework was downright impossible as I’d rather spend hours fidgeting with my eraser collection than do the work. Eventually during my junior year of high school I was sent to a continuation school where I soon dropped out.
That was then. Lately, I’ve decided to get my life together after a brief stint with some successful side hustles that had gone belly up during covid. I enrolled in an online boot camp a few months back and while studying for my courses I realized despite being much wiser and more motivated to succeed than I was in high school, I was still having issues focusing and retaining information during my studies. Trying to study for 3 hours a day seemed like a monumental task despite being able to sit in front of the computer and play video games for 9 hours straight. These last few weeks I’d finally had enough. I saw an ad on Facebook for ADHD medicine though a website called Cerebral. I signed up last week and got my consultation today and a few hours and $47 dollars later, I got what will basically be enough for a 2-month supply for me (I only plan on taking it in the afternoon for studying- don’t need it for work) I am both nervous and excited at the same time. A good friend of mine who I’ve been sharing my problems with said that he had been struggling with the same exact problems as me and that taking adderall was “a lifesaver” for him.
There was a self-defeating moment for me when I had to admit to myself as well as externally to those around me that there’s something wrong with me that I will need to correct using medication- but if it can help me turn my life around, I will gladly take this ‘government meth’
If anyone has had similar experiences to my story, had gone through what I’ve gone through/am dealing with, or has any success stories they’d like to share, I’d love to hear from you
Also, any words of advice or caution would also be greatly appreciated.
Note: I am taking Amphetamine Salts (10mg Tablets) the prescribing doctor said this dosage, once taken, will come into effect after an hour and last for 6 hours. That’s perfect for me because that will be plenty of time to study after I get home from work.
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ADHD
|
For weeks, if not months I have been trying to better my eating and exercise situation and even tho I was able to improve, I still hate myself.
I just don't like my body and I have the will to improve through healthy eating and sport. But too often I find myself overeating, eating too much sugar etc and hating myself for it, wanting to slap me and having giant spontaneous amounts of anger against myself.
I don't have sky high expectations for myself. I just want to be healthier and I like training but I just can't get myself to figure out how/where to practice pull-ups, go running and not just doing push-ups in my room every 2 to 3 days (I made myself a routine and don't just do push-ups but sticking to it and not forgetting is hard).
I can't get myself to just do it. Be it go out and look for a place, get stuff to do it at home or look for a gym, I just can't. I want to but I can't.
And the worst, as I already said, I the eating. I just can't resist when I'm bored or confuse some feeling with hunger and start eating sh*t instead of something good at least.
Does anyone have any ideas, experiences or anything else that could help?
Edit: I am sorry if this post is a mess, but I feel like I'm panicking right now and need it to get out somehow
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ADHD
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I just want my mind to stop torturing me for one single fucking day, man. Am I really asking for too much? Like, they go on and on about how "alcohol is bad for you" yet it's the only thing keeping these thoughts at bay for me! Meds are fucking useless, so many combinations of them for little to no effect!
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OCD
|
Hey everyone, I'm curious if anyone else here experiences very short term but intensely bleak mind states, lasting anything from one evening to a few days? I'm ok and functional a lot of the time, but regularly fall into these black pits of despair, in which I feel worthless, hopeless, joyless, unfulfilled, passively suicidal and like my future is doomed.
In the middle of these episodes, they feel like I'm seeing things clearly and being honest with myself; I'm seeing reality unfiltered. But when I'm at a functional baseline, it seems like a mopey, self-indulgent exaggeration; it looks unreal, trivial. So it's like a kind of self-gaslighting. In one way I'm lucky not to spend my whole time there, but it's also exhausting to flip between these modes so much. Alcohol is a pretty reliable trigger but it can happen without, and social situations often plant the initial seed of negative comparison to others.
Can anybody relate? It doesn't seem like classic depression exactly, but it doesn't have the mania of bipolar, and it's much faster.
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depression
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I always get mad over shit that doesnt matter. Nobody would like me if they knew me for real, because I always just use others and get mad over petty shit.
All these things I wanted to do wont happen, whenever I even start to try them they're proven stupid because I fuck them up.
How do I reckon with the truth that I'm a failure?
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aspergers
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If anyone is interest, I'll be posting discussing topics I believe are important with OCD and offering insight and advice that I have learned through my years of suffering from OCD.
Here's a link to my first video! With many more to come:
[https://youtu.be/fzyO8L7yRDQ](https://youtu.be/fzyO8L7yRDQ)
Note: I am not providing medical advice, nor am I a trained professional. If you need help, I strongly suggest you go see a trained therapist.
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OCD
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Hi everyone,
I'm a 21 year old with ASD. I just would like to get some things off my chest and get some advice on what to do in my current situation, which would be very much appreciated \*My psychologist isn't helping at all :(
I constantly feel depressed and moody these days. Because I believe I screwed up so many things during all my life up till this point: be it having an ideal university life, making actual friends, handle family conflicts etc. I always struggle with interpersonal relationships and trying to respond in what is considered 'appropriate' manners. Plus, day to day decision making is a nightmare for me, as I often for some stupid reason, keep making impulsive decisions without taking the time to think things through, and that has caused me to make choices I am now very much regretting.
My relationship with my once loving family is also steadily deteriorating. I don't speak with my brother anymore (and he sometimes bullies me), and my mom is getting increasingly, openly frustrated with me - saying things like she can't understand me and that I'm childish and have no empathy blah blah blah..... I just don't feel like they can understand or tolerate me anymore.
I myself am reaching the breaking point - I feel like my life is just a bunch of nonsensical madness where absurd, unintended things keep happening out of the blue. I always try hard to do my best to overcome my barriers and difficulties, but to no avail. I always keep repeat the same mistakes, and people always treat me like a weirdo when I end up interacting with them or try to befriend them. And I am still not seeing any improvement. Instead, I feel like I'm doubling down and going down the rabbit hole. It's gotten to the point where some suicidal thoughts are starting to creep in my head.
I would say the point when my life started to change for the worse, and when my ASD really erupted, is during my highschool years when my parents were fighting and getting a divorce. I was abused by my dad emotionally, so I started to have anger management issues and throw violent tantrums a lot.
Since then, I've just been struggling my way through university, studying a degree I honestly am not interested in (IT), with me finally graduating last year and also managing to secure a 1 year IT graduate position in a well known company. That's all good and all, but what I'm worried about is that my depression is becoming worse and it'll affect my job performance this year.
All the unexplainable absurdities one with ASD encounters and have to deal with in daily life that NTs don't have to, is accumulating stress within me all these years and I'm really just about to explode, especially as my family relationships get worse and worse. What people have always been telling me is that I need to stop being immature and take responsibility for my actions, but to be frank I just can't get my head around that. Isn't this all because of my ASD condition? But either way, when things have been bad for so long imo, I can't just snap out of my depression or whatever is it I'm feeling! ASD is just making my life a living hell, and I feel like I'm a helpless man trapped in a glass with no ability to stop bad things from happening all the time! I really am just done at this point.... I don't believe anything will meaningfully improve..... Aside from work, I don't have any social life outside of home and I just surf the net all day or do other mundane hobbies (reading news, books etc).
Anyways that's the end of my rant. Thank you for listening and feel free to share some tips if you've gone through something similar. Cheers :)
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aspergers
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For me(13F, pure o) I’m mostly doing a lot of compulsions in the beginning of the day and they give me anxiety but not as much as the end of the day. The end of the day is kind of like a depressive state for me. Some days are different than others, sometimes it’s like my OCD “wakes up” later than I do and sometimes it’s the first thing I think about.
I think the depression part is the worst because I just can’t shake the sadness, even though I’m doing compulsions it comes back after a few seconds.
So what about you guys? Does your ocd kind of get worse or change throughout the day?
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OCD
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And I still feel filthy. I had PTSD before this happened (My best friend and I spent a lot of time in Jalalabad , Afghanistan together and we both had our own experiences there. When we got back, I turned to booze, he turned to stimulants. He cracked first, and his mistake became my warning.
Now I sit and feel ashamed and dirty every day. I'm disgusted by myself that I still call him my best friend, but I can't stop. I love him and miss him, and hate myself for that.
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ptsd
|
I wrote a blog to try to help inspire and motivate others suffering with mental health conditions. Please click on the link and check it out. https://www.cleancommunity.host Thank You!
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ptsd
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Just had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Told me I scored around 130 on the Ritvo test (I forget the exact score, I'll find out when he sends my full report through) and within the first 15 minutes (before we'd even got to the test) told me off-the-record that he could tell I had Asperger's.
I Initially arranged the appointment because I highly suspected I had OCD with a few Aspie traits but turns out it was the exact opposite - I'm Aspie with OCD-like traits that can be explained within the context of my ASD. He correctly guessed a few of my "quirks", like how I can't stand eggs or mushrooms and that I buy lots of the same type of clothes. Broke my Ritvo score down, explaining I appear to struggle the least with the language side of ASD and the most with the social side (which made perfect sense).
After years of beating myself up for not being able to navigate life (particularly socialising) as effortlessly as my peers, having to painstakingly make my own copy of the script that everyone else seemed to be reading off, the masking techniques I learned, the need to withdraw when masking became too much, how much daily life just "chafed" at me most of the time. Years of trying to force a square peg into a circular hole and wondering why I could never just "get it". I came home from the psychiatrist's office and had a good cry, relieved that there had been nothing wrong this whole time, that my neurocircuitry is just a bit different to most people and that's okay.
Maybe in the coming days I will start to feel bitter for not being diagnosed earlier. But right now, I'm just happy that I can stop blaming myself and instead carry on with life armed with this vital new piece of knowledge.
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aspergers
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Like your ocd picks and obsesses all the tiny details of a problem or situation. Making them seem worse. And never can get a clear vision of the big picture.
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OCD
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Just got mildly lectured by my parents abt being grateful and working hard in school as if I was working for God (I am Christian, but I kinda hate God rn), and how I need to care abt my assignments, and how I’m not wasting the majority of 12 years of my life and whatever else. Definitely too …something, idek what, to say this to their faces, but was abt to text it to them.
“It’s hard to be grateful for my blessings when I’d rather be starving in Africa and drinking from mud if it meant I thought anything of myself or thought I could ever do anything worthwhile or valuable.”
Edit: And I hate it. I hate it so much. I can’t talk to anyone ever about any of my problems because then I’m even more of a burden; then my less than anything worth becomes even less and then I drag others down with me and I can’t; I can’t; so I talk to no one about any of my problems; I just carry them all myself because then it’s just worthless me bogged down and dying rather than someone who could ever do anything of value being dragged down. I’ve literally talked to one person about one slightly major problem I’ve had and I had a genuine panic attack before sending that text.
I’m so fricked. My mind is melting. I’ve logically concluded that I’m illogical. I’ve used logic to deduce that I’m worthless, but that means I have logic meaning I have some worth, and yet my logic has concluded I’m worthless. It’s great feeling like a paradox: never really existing, being a contradiction, being unable to affect anything. It’s great. I love not being able to find a reason to get up in the morning besides the fact that the last time I laid in bed for 20 minutes in the morning my mom came in really mad. It’s great. I’m great.
I’m fine. I’m a wonderful painter. I paint a smile on my face every morning. I paint a laughing, happy person every day at lunch. I paint a calm face in classes. I’m getting worse though. My paintings are looking sadder. They’re ripping sometimes too, showing what’s underneath.
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depression
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I posted on r/ADHDWomen but wanted to post here as well because I need answers.
I don’t know what brought it on but today I feel like I’m hypersensitive to everything around me. I don’t even want to be around my dog at the moment because she licks a lot and the thought of it is making my skin crawl right now. Currently sitting on the floor in my room with the lights off and the noise of someone watching the tv from the other room is making me jittery. Does anybody else have days where their sensory issues flare up super bad, and how do I explain it to the people around me without sounding like a jerk?
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ADHD
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I’m freaking out after hearing about the Chris Chan thing because I can’t stop thinking to myself that I’m going to end up like that because Chris is the name I was given at birth and the name I’ve used for 15 years (note: I’m trans) and what she did is one of my themes so now I’m absolutely terrified more than I was before
(Sorry if this was poorly worded)
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OCD
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I have bad conflict trauma and whenever I am triggered I feel childlike and want to be held is this possible age sliding or do only people with DID or OSDD experience it, thanks for any possible answers on the matter they are greatly appreciated.
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ptsd
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I’ve just recently started anti depressants, but they make me so so tired. I think i slept about 13 hours in total one day during the week. Is this normal? Will it pass?
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depression
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At 27, I am about to take my first ever dose of adhd medication. I am equal parts excited and terrified.
I mean am I actually going to be able to do just stuff?? Work has always been a battle trying to reign in my mind, one I often lose, but I'd never realised that that wasn't *normal* until a couple of weeks ago, and tbh I still don't have my head fully wrapped about it. People can just so things? They don't have meltdowns, lose everything, forget everything, just feel like theyre built wrong?
Idk how it took me so long to figure it all out.
I still haven't completely gotten my head around it.
What if they work? And my adhd is "real" (I've been diagnosed, but what if theyre somehow wrong?). Have I just wasted the past 27 years of my life, struggling incessantly when it wasn't needed? I can't stop thinking of the what ifs, and who I could have been. It's like I'm mourning a past life, or alternative reality. I could have been happy.
But then what if they just don't work for me? If I get side effects which trigger my other health issues (it's been cleared with the doctor, I'm just paranoid), would thst mean I just managed to lie to the doctor, that I actually am just a lazy PoS? Will I lose my job (yes), how long can I keep pushing myself like this?
Idk I have a lot of thoughts racing around my head rn, and no one to speak to about it all in real life so am sharing with a bunch of internet strangers.
It's a really, really weird moment in your life isn't it?
It's like chosing between the red and the blue pill.
Focus or chaos?
Wish me luck lol.
EDIT/UPDATE: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I ACTUALLY *HAVEN'T* BEEN ON REDDIT DURING WORKING HOURS ?!
It's been amazing tbh, I cried (tears of joy).
I could think, and *just do things*. Before I even started work, I managed to find the time to water all my plants, put away all the clothes that had been sitting in piles in my room, and hoover my room (like WHAT?!)
I never knew quite how loud and chaotic it actually was in my head, and now it's calm and quiet.
I have literally managed to do more work today than what I achieved in the last week and a half of work combined. It is the most I have ever written in a single day, ever.
Don't get me wrong, I still procrastinated and got distracted every now and then. But my procrastination was more, oh ill rearrange those chairs around like I've been wanting to, oh ill put up that picture that's been "hanging" next to the wall rather than on it, oh ill just walk around and admire my plants, rather than mindlessly scrolling Reddit or Instagram for hours, picking my skin, staring into space, etc. and feeling guilty about it the entire time. AND, not only could I *easily* pull myself away from these distractions, I could just slide right back into "work mode" and keep working pretty much as soon as I sat back down at laptop.
What was even greater was that I *didn't mind* being slightly distracted because I *was* being so productive. Like, after I'd managed to concentrate for TWO HOURS without getting distracted (like who tf thought that would ever be possible) I didn't mind letting myself take 5 mins out to go admire my plants because I'D ACTUALLY EARNT IT.
At one point today, I went to make myself a cub of tea, and blasted PYT through my headphones and was actually *dancing around my house* completely content, level headed and clear minded. It was at this point that I cried. I don't remember the last time I felt internal peace, and internally calm, or even contentness.
I am completely blown away. I'm excited to do after work activities (and I actually have the time and energy to do after work activities, rather than working late to try and catch up and then collapsing crying in front of Netflix) and, the real kicker, I AM EXCITED TO GET UP FOR WORK IN THE MORNING.
IT'S NO LONGER 12 HOURS OF ME BEATING MYSELF UP.
IT'S 8 HOURS OF ACTUALLY WORKING LIKE A "NORMAL" PERSON.
EDIT#2: Even though no one asked, day 2 was amazing as well! To begin with I didn't think it was having as much of an effect as yesterday, but then I realised it was 2pm and I'd happily worked for four hours straight! Thoughts of procrastinating did pop into my head, but instead of compulsively following them I was able to just think "nah" and continue working!
Somehow my anxiety has nearly completely disappeared as well? I'm so much happier in myself, and idk if it's due to the dopamine from the meds or the accomplishment of getting things done - maybe a bit of both? I've smiled more these past two days than I have in the past two years lol.
That suppressed appetite is a bitch though, I'm going to have to be careful with that. I'm not remotely hungry, but it's (nearly) 9pm and all I've had is a little bit of yogurt with my meds at 8am.
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ADHD
|
Hi guys. Could do with your help/advice.
So when I was 4 I was diagnosed with autism (or rather Asperger's at the time). For years I put down my intrusive thoughts and worry and routine to that. But recently, upon someone in my family also exhibiting these traits and being tested for OCD, I found myself relating to SO many of the symptoms. For the majority of my teenage years, I was plagued with intrusive thoughts, in particular sexual shame, POCD and obsessive worry about my health and thinking I was constantly dying, to the point where I would say I was deeply depressed for periods. I called it my What If brain and put it down to my autism.
Recently I've experienced really bad ROCD now I have a new girlfriend and just had a brief stint of what I would call depression. I make constant comparisons to people I love (using every piece of info I can get my hands on) and use it as ammo to attack myself and turn something happy into something upsetting.
My dad, although undiagnosed, I am sure has OCD. Plagued by intrusive thoughts and POCD as a young adult. Has clear set routines and can't handle his compulsions being broken. So it's in the family. We would often talk about our 'What if brains' together without knowing what it was.
I had a consultation about it about a week ago. Said I was so confident I had OCD as well as autism. But the therapist said it was probably just low self esteem because I didnt really talk about compulsions. And it's really knocked the wind out of my sails.
I don't have hand washing compulsions or counting or something like that. So it's less obvious. My main one is pacing and talking. I do it alone, and pace and talk to myself. My record is 5 hours. Up and down the living room or something. I dont realise I'm doing it often. I'd often feel like if my routine is knocked something horrid will happen. But now I'm just thinking is that autism? I was always a dont step on the cracks kid. I had a compulsion where if I was in a small room alone I had to sing the opening line of the big brother theme. Never not did it. I would CONSTANTLY (and often still do) get reassurance everything's ok from my mum. Over the same points. Over and over again, making sure I wasnt a horrible person. Also a lot of mental rituals mixed with usual autism stimming to calm myself.
But that call has now knocked me. It's made me go 'it's all in your head'. And I really don't know now. Good news is they said I'm definitely a candidate for CBT. So I can still flag it up to them, it's by far the end of the line. I just feel it so strongly. Is it a dead end to pursue a diagnosis?
Any insight you guys could give would really help :)
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OCD
|
I'm 18 and couple of years ago I've been caught by the police for something I'd rather not tell about and after a hearing about this situation I began to have symptoms of ptsd. It was by far the most stressful and scary thing that happened to me because so far the biggest problem I've had was maybe baing caught cheating on a test in school or leaving school property. Is it possible that I've got ptsd from that? I heard of ptsd only from war veterans and people who nearly lost their lives fighting.
My symptoms include: attacks of anxiety, very vivid memories of the hearing, suicidal feelings, feeling that I'm helpless, feeling that the police is gonna get me in near future, feelings that I'm gonna go to jail(although there is no possible way that these charges would've landed me in prison)
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ptsd
|
Hi! I’m 36f and I have just recently been introduced to what ADHD truly is. I had the very generic, stereotypical idea in my head that it was someone who couldn’t sit still and blurted out “squirrel!” in the middle of talking. Wow, was I wrong. A friend of mine suggested I may have it and I was flabbergasted, but the more I researched it, the more I’m convinced I have it. I couldn’t make an appointment fast enough.
I feel like my whole life flashed before my eyes. I remembered how much harder I had to study in high school, how it took me 6 years to graduate college as a non-stop full-time student. All my friends graduated until I was literally the last one left. Everything was so hard and overwhelming. I napped everyday I got home from class. I was always tired. I once had a class that had two papers, one midterm and one final. That was it. Two grades. I stared at my computer screen for days, never wrote the midterm paper, never turned anything in and then showed up to the next class like nothing had happened. I failed. My professor looked at me like I was an absolute weirdo. I also once rear ended someone on campus because I literally forgot I was driving. This is just a couple of examples.
I’m now married with 2 young kids and I feel like I’m drowning. I am always so overwhelmed. I have been talking to someone about depression, but it seems like that’s the aftermath of how my brain can’t keep up. It makes me feel worthless and I’m very hard on myself. Like why can’t I get things done like other people? I call it “the dread” but it prevents me from doing any tasks. It’s like I’m paralyzed/frozen from doing things I need to get done. I’m forgetful at home and at work to the point I’ve gotten written up. I plan for hours, but never actually do anything. I make goals that I never meet. I have the hardest time making decisions. I’m so irritable and negative. I didn’t used to be like that, but I think having kids has made everything worse because it’s not just me I have to keep up with. It’s like my brain is overloaded. I’m pretty sure my daughter has it too.
Anyway, wish me luck tomorrow! I’m afraid he will tell me that I don’t have this and that I just actually suck at life. :(
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ADHD
|
Im either asleep or crying uncontrollably. I can't stop thinking about her. Today was her memorial. I miss her so much. She was a kind and gentle soul, she deserved a longer life. If I could give my life for hers I'd do it in a heart beat. I just miss her so fucking much. We were close in college and became closer during the pandemic. We used to have video calls during the lockdown part of the pandemic. She was and always will be family. She didn't deserve this.
I'm having panic attacks repeatedly, I want to be numb, I want to stop feeling because I'll go crazy if I keep on thinking about this. Her family didn't deserve this. No one deserves this.
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depression
|
It's been so messy I dont know what to do. I want to talk to his cousin about it but I dont know if it will be okay with my bsf. It's just been weird between us and his cousin can tell something is strange right now. I think he has a right to know since he's worried but at the same time it's not his business. I just want to talk with someone who's close with my bsf about it. I have nobody to talk to about it and its fuckign killing my mental health. The other day my bsf cousin thought I was going manic because of shit I've been saying. Fuck this blows I just want to puke I've been trying to take a break from him but its complicated. Fuck idk anymore idk what to do I'm lost in this situation and just fuck. Every time I go to talk to my bsf about it he either ignores it or gets mad when I bring it up. I need someone else to talk to about it idk anymore.
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aspergers
|
Hey beautiful person, your OCD is lying to you.
Tell me all of the messed up things that go through your mind.
You are never alone.
Yesterday is dead and you are a new person today.
Message me if you'd like to get something off your chest.
Much love
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OCD
|
These past two days have been so horrible. I’ve had such difficulties at work and my superiors have not given me good marks.
On top of that, a woman I was seeing, out of the blue, also told me she didn’t want to see me anymore.
I just wanted to break down. The monumental weight of the shit that was just throw at me has almost been too much to bear.
I often wonder why I keep going? Why? I constantly fuck up everything and anything I do. All I want is a normal life like everyone else. But instead, there’s something in the universe that loves to monumentally fuck me over and make me want to question the reason for my existence.
I just want what everyone else has. But something makes me unwanted and unlovable. But I don’t know what it is. Everyone else sees it but me. Am I just stupid?
This week…been a real banger I’ll tell ya that.
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depression
|
I struggle with sensorimotor obsessions with my talking and the way I walk and just all over my body. Does anyone have any tips? It’s running my life and causing me health anxiety.
|
OCD
|
Hello all,
I'm considering trying medication to combat depression and I wanted to ask the hive mind what it's like to be on anti-depressants. I recognize that there are multiple types of medication for different purposes and affect people differently. I'm just looking for some overall perspective.
About me: 31 yr-old male with autism, ADHD, and anxiety with no previous medication history.
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depression
|
Hello lovely folks, I’m 20, male and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at age 3. I’ve dealt with a lifelong struggle with loneliness and I’ve felt outcasted from my peers. I’m mainly obsessed with music (I’m into old school rock, jazz, blues, and so on...) My rather specific interests has led me to feel lonely and not a whole lot of people seem to be interested in talking to me about music. Despite my fervent interest in music, I have felt an ongoing feeling of emptiness, helplessness and exhaustion. The root cause of this you may ask? Loneliness, and other things as well. I never had a proper girlfriend before, and there were times when a girl I liked would pretend to have feelings for me, just to end up lying about it the whole time. I sometimes feel like I’ll never be loved, and I often get into a pensive state-of-mind where I end up questioning my worth as a person because I truly feel like I’m unworthy of being loved. The best way to explain it is like I’m in a play, but I don’t have the script yet everybody else does. That’s what being autistic in today’s romantic world is like. I feel like it’s all one big game rigged against me, and that breaks my heart beyond words. I sadly can’t get out to meet new people because I still live with my parents and they treat me like I’m still a middle schooler. I rarely ever talk to my parents because I feel like they completely lack the understanding to truly empathize with how I feel. Sure, they probably feel bad for my misfortunes, but I feel as if they don’t truly understand what it’s like to be socially awkward and at a disadvantage. Long story short: I feel lost and helpless in this upside down world. I don’t want to grow old alone. I want a woman with a heart of gold. Sadly in 2021 (almost 2022) that seems to be a far-stretch. I don’t want to be cynical though, I know that somewhere out there, there’s true love in the world. Thank you for your help and advice everybody! Much love!
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aspergers
|
Why so intrusive thoughts, images, feelings, and urges feel so real ?
It makes me feel like I want to stab my pets and parents.
I’m so anxious right now, it’s such a horrible feeling.
I hate knowing that I could stab my pets or my parents, I hate having the freedom to do something bad, if that makes any sense.
The urges to stab them feel so strong and real and I’m so anxious. I just feel like shit.
Im starting to feel like I’m actually dangerous and need to go into a psych ward.
It makes me feel like I’m going to stab my parents and my pets.
I don’t want to hold knives because the urges just become so strong.
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OCD
|
a 20 minute episode of a show will end up being doubled because of how much i rewind scenes because i didn’t get every single word or i missed what punctuation was used in the subtitles or something stupid like that. whenever i try to ignore the compulsion i can’t focus anymore and i get this weird feeling i can’t shake and end up having to rewind anyway. it’s genuinely SO annoying!!
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OCD
|
Hi. I'm 18 years old and I'm going to let off steam here about my fear of my uncertain future. I always noticed that there was something different about me compared to other children. I have mental images of everyone together having fun and me sitting on the floor just watching them with that discomfort of not being able to integrate. At the crèche I went with terrible anxiety. I hated it but I don't remember much of what happened at that time. Things got a little better in the primary. I finally managed to make friends but I spoke very little. 5th grade and 6th grade were the highlight of my life. I didn't even know what anxiety was then. I had no problem socializing unless with someone else who showed superiority. Problems begin to bloom on the surface from the 7th year onwards. I can't deal with stressful situations and because of that I would panic and spend my breaks locked in the bathroom crying. It was just a few situations but even so it had a huge impact on me to withdraw more and the Asperger Syndrome rekindled. I had expectations about high school. I ended up going upset to another school by my mother's decision. Basically high school doesn't tell me anything. I did nothing. I didn't socialize. Not a single word of mouth came out. I always went with that chest tightness to school with the constant fear of what others would think. I finished high school and continued with expectations about my university life. The covid came and in fact it didn't help at all. It made me more and more love this solitude where there is no criticism or judgment. I didn't stop doing things. I was getting my driving license... After a lot of stress I suffer an emotional disconnect. A depersonalization/derealization. That is, I start acting and talking not being fully aware of what I'm doing. As if I had left the Matrix and seen the world as a simulation. I'm just standing there and letting life take me. Each day passes and I notice improvements but I remain disconnected from reality. This scares me a lot. No longer did the problems I had with socializing, let alone that. I've been alone in this world for almost 8 years. Without friends. Only family and people I talk to eventually online. This makes me afraid for my future. I wonder if anyone has ever been through this. I've heard that having this within the autism spectrum has a 10x chance of developing schizophrenia. Only the word itself frightens. I've been exercising regularly every day but it's still not enough to bring me back to reality. I do not know what to do
|
aspergers
|
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