body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Im really tired of not being able to keep jobs due to them making me stressed out. I havr ptsd and its like any little work stress gets amplified and i just fall down a hill of progress. Im so tired of suffering. Trying to get an s.d to help with treatment but damn life is so hard rn 😪
|
ptsd
|
So hi everybody I just wanted to tell you about my experience on ADHD medication or not really my experience but like somethings that I have noticed have helped me and also things that annoy me and actually make my life worse right now.
I am on elvanse 60 mg and I almost feel euphoric right now cause I took meds one hour ago. Always when the meds kicks in I feel this way, and I love to feel this way because it helps me a looooot with getting stuff done and not starting like a hundred things at once.
For like 5 to 6 hours I am able to get stuff done, no anxiety, no overthinking, no doubting my relationship, wanting to hang out with friends, wanting to be with my family, wanting to actually put work into things I want to accomplish.
I drank yesterday, when my meds had weared off, and noticed I felt the same way on alcohole as I feel with meds. Cause I had some friends over, and right before they came to my house I felt my meds started wearing off and I felt depressed, sad, unmotivated, restless etc. So yeah Everything felt hopeless for a while even when my friends were here with me and stuff.
But then, we started drinking and It all disappeared. I felt confident again and my social anxiety almost disappeared totally, I was able to listen to my friends talking without thinking of other things.
I felt amazing again as I do with meds.
I don’t really know what to do cause I want my meds to work longer , more hours. Cause I feel good on them, I feel normal. But like at the same time I’m afraid that I’m not myself when feeling so good, am able to study, able to be social etc.
I remember, as a child my mental health was way better that it is now cause I had less anxiety back then and stuff. But now I have bad social anxiety and things, and the meds makes me feel like I did back when I was younger.
I mean I’ve always had adhd I guess, but before I have been able to socialize better and I have felt better. I mean, ofc I’m still myself on the meds but it feels like I can only work with them, and not without them anymore.
I would want to get help and find ways to handle adhd and anxiety without meds cause I don’t know who I am anymore. I miss my old self, my real self.
It just feels like, the world likes me better on meds, that my friends likes me better, my family, my teachers.
I just wonder, what about my mind and psyche , can I change???? I know I will always have adhd, and I can’t take away the symptoms. But I guess i’m able to take the anxiety away? Or will I always be this way?? Am I not just made for this world?? Fuck.
What a messy post, I’m sorry I just had to get this out and write it down.
I even have a Psychologist to talk to but it feels like she doesn’t care about me at all.
I don’t understand what is my adhd and what is anxiety and what is my personality and what I am able to change and what I can’t change.
I just took my meds, now I finally feel clear in my mind, feels like I could Finnish a whole essay if I had to. But I know that the horrible hours when my meds are wearing of, will come back.
|
ADHD
|
I have had compulsions ever since I was very young where I've needed to hit the top right of my head on corners (specifically the top right of my forehead). I don't get it often, rarely ever, but I can't seem to pinpoint specific times other than when it's completely dark and quiet, although I've done it under different conditions, this one is the most dominant. Something else I feel I should point out is that it is severe when it happens to the point where I will get physically uncomfortable and my body forces me to do it. It is not harmful in any way as I only feel the need to do it lightly (and a few slightly harder ones) and the occasional rub against the corner. It doesn't really hurt all too much, and I don't exactly like the pain either, nor do I like the idea of hurting myself. Does anyone know of any OCD compulsions relating to my issue?
|
OCD
|
I’ve been wondering this for a while because although my mind used to be racing all the time and brimming with intrusive thoughts when I was younger, now it’s just radio silent in my brain, in fact it’s a struggle to even conjure a thought. I’m in the diagnosis process right now but although inattentive ADHD makes sense for my symptoms, I thought wether hyperactive or not, a fast and unable to sit still brain was a guarantee of ADHD?
TLDR; My brain slow adhd brain fast. Adhd brain be slow?
|
ADHD
|
So my dad and I are both autistic, which baffles me cause he can somewhat relate to issues but whatever. I’ve had on and off depression since i was 12, and at 16 it got really bad (was smoking weed all the time, not cleaning room. Always sad) my dad didn’t take well to seeing me in a depressive state. Looking back a lot of it was anxiety/autistic issues causing me the odd meltdown (luckily not as bad as some AS folk)but I wasn’t completely hopeless, I even wanted a job but he told me ‘work on yourself first’. December 2018 was when my life changed forever, simply put i ran out of weed money, got stressed cause of the withdrawals and broke a glass. He called the police over to arrest me so spent 24 hours in a cell only to be told ‘he’s not taking you back’ long story short got put in some temp immigration place near Heathrow (totally not right for the situation) first night there I ran away got put somewhere a bit better (people were kinda nice) for a few months, all this time i tried contacting him foe my benefit money, no response (i later found out he went out the country to turkey with his gf and gave away my childhood Bengal cat to my gran who can’t even look after herself) he also took me to court for breaking the glass which even the judge found weird, it’s on my criminal record for life now. Then got moved to a HORRIBLE halfway house full of literal CRACKHEADS who’d bang the walls all night long, so I had no sleep. What really topped it off was the guy in the room next to mine was obviously schizophrenic and he killed himself by setting the room on fire when i was sleeping next to it. Literally woke up from his screams of pain from being burnt to death
And he still tells me kicking me out was the right thing to do, so much pain could’ve been prevented.. if I ever have a kid with autism no matter the meltdowns id never put him/her thru that now I’m stuck as an early 20s nobody trying to not kill myself from depression. Yeah this is quality
|
aspergers
|
I have family coming up to visit me tomorrow for vacation. And I can't get my obsessions that are gonna be the most bothersome while they're here out of my mind.... I feel so hopeless....one of the obsessions is similar to a tick.. like its just unavoidable and ever constant. I don't go into much detail to, I don't want to trigger anyone...
But if I could just pay my ocd off......i would so so do it..
I know I'm not defenseless, there's erp and help without a doubt. I just wish sometimes that everyday wasn't a battle..but it can get better. And I say that to both whoever is reading this and myself.
|
OCD
|
I have been depressed on and off for the past 6 years now and past two years have been terrible. On somedays I feel physical pain like there's a hole in my chest. Today is one of those days and I just...i have exams tomorrow but the thought of doing any work is so horrid. I don't know if I will ever be happy again tbh, I don't feel excited about anything at all. I got my dream job and I am moving to a new city next year but it doesn't make me feel anything. I know it's going to be the same old story. My whole life is going to be like this, just getting through day after day. I feel so hopeless because it's never going to get better.
|
depression
|
I don’t remember much of my childhood or growing up and people are always telling me about stuff that we did, but I have no memory of it. Honestly I thought it was because I smoke more weed than the average smoker that I had a shit memory, then I seen a post where somebody was talking about how anxiety and depression can make it hard to remember things.
|
depression
|
There are circles and cycles everywhere, race tracks, circle of life, planetary orbit, in music, clocks, circles everywhere
|
OCD
|
I've lost days because of flashbacks and I'm pissed off with myself. There were things I was meant to be doing but just stayed on the sofa crying and having panic attacks. I need to go back to classes and work tomorrow, it's a long day. It feels impossible right now. But I don't want to give up I know just staying inside is not going to help. I'm angry that the damage has lasted so long and I doubt now after nearly 20 years and lots of therapy I am going to recover. It comes in waves I keep trying to tell myself it's just a bad patch, was triggered by something, but when in the middle of it all it feels like the world is ending and I am going to die. I don't want to keep feeling like this, how many times does this have to happen. I can't talk to anyone, there is not one single person I can call at times like this. The memories are too bad to be able to explain to anyone and I don't have anyone close enough to talk about my feelings to.. Not that I can do that, anyhow. It just goes round and round in my head. I can't make friends, I'm so different to everyone, i don't know anyone with experiences like mine that I can talk to. It feels like yesterday still, I wish it would just get distant in my memory. I'm so weak.
|
ptsd
|
TW:: ENTOMOPHOBIA
I made the mistake of looking at a post on r/oddlyterrifying about a house centipede, relived an experience with a spider, remembered that in Sep/Oct this year we had a wasp problem, and that there was LADYBUGS in my spare room last month.
Now i feel itchy, sweaty, breathless, and i want to go and clean everywhere and bleach everything and check my cats and their paws and dust and oh my god i can feel things crawling on me why do i do this to myself???? I just want to scratch my skin until it falls off so that my brain will shut up! **screams**
|
OCD
|
(Getting a diagnosis if you’re under 18)
I’ve heard from tiktok in order to get a diagnosis - in England - the process is extremely long and difficult, with it ending up with no diagnosis and a feeling of embarrassment. Tbh, these anecdotes are kind of putting me off from calling the GP’s and asking them for help, seeing as the process of it all seems so intimidating.
|
ADHD
|
Hey all. I’m wondering if anyone out there also experiences severe cognitive deficits during depressive episodes. I have spent the last 6 months in a bad depression, and today I’m having the first signs of it perhaps lifting.
I notice that right now, my memory recall is much better than it was during this whole period. I am able to problem solve and think things through much better today. But for the past half a year I have been convinced that my brain was utterly broken.
VERY sluggish thinking, lack of ideas, lack of critical thinking, lack of basically any thinking that wasn’t pointless rumination over little things I said and did that I regret. Forgetting information as soon as it’s told to me, not being able to follow even the simplest storylines in shows and movies… Inability to reflect on anything with any sort of depth or creativity. And perhaps most disturbingly: unable to access pretty much any memories of my life, save for a brief “blip”, bits and pieces of memory that are too vague to be meaningful or useful.
Basically, my activities for the past 6 months have been extremely limited due to an inability to THINK. Every second it seems, I lose focus and slip into mindless rumination. Like I’m being completely overwhelmed by automatic negative thoughts, to the point where it’s literally not possible for me to engage with the outside world in any meaningful way.
Now, I know rumination is typical of depression. But from what I understand, many people with depression retain their memories and much of their cognitive abilities despite the mood disorder. Does anyone else have such an extreme cognitive “switch” during depression, to the point where they feel totally and completely impaired like this?
My brother also struggles sometimes with depression, but he’s still able to engage in activities that require some higher order thinking, such as playing video games. Every time I’ve tried to play video games during my episode I’ve given up because trying to remember the controls and objectives is just way too stressful.
|
depression
|
hi guys, first post here. i'm freaking out. i believe i am struggling with ocd. i've not been formally diagnosed yet but i have shown many symptoms for it. also, sorry if this post will be all over the place.
basically i feel like im struggling with something called hyper-responsibility ocd and i feel like i have to prevent something bad from happening or that i am responsible for everyone's safety. for example, recently i've been doing research on talcum powder, asbestos, etc which i read and saw were linked to cancer. i have this urge to tell everyone (family, friends, random people online) about it in case they didn't know it was in their makeup powder for instance and if they do get some sort of cancer it is my fault if i dont tell them. however i don't want to bother some of my friends that aren't really close to me since i don't text them a lot. this all started with me watching a makeup tutorial on youtube and the person showed the airspun powder which had talc as the main ingredient. since i wanted to buy it, on amazon i found what i have just said about talcum powder earlier by a review saying that talc is dangerous, especially when inhaled and can cause cancers, like lung cancer or ovarian cancer. i saw a redditor say that if talc with asbestos is eaten, breathed in, or put near where it would get inside the body its dangerous. I tried to comment to warn them about it but i have the fear of spreading false info although there were articles and other youtube videos saying that it's harmful. then i feel like if i spreaded false info about it, im obviously reponsible.
i keep thinking, "what if the articles and news or posts were wrong and i'm here causing more harm?" thoughts like that and i'm super scared. but then i think "well what if they're true and you decided to not spread information about it and it caused harm for others." it's so distressing for me and i would never want anyone to die. on top of that youtube has been glitching for me because whenever i try to comment about talcum and other stuff relating to it under that youtube video, youtube "filters it out" for some reason and i can't see it from the account i commented it with or my other accounts. i tried to fix it but i dont think it's been working so far. im scared that i should have done more to fix it in case it will work that way (hope this makes sense) currently i'm also scared that if i dont include enough information about it i would also be causing harm if that makes any sense, and that also scares me because then the person i'm trying to inform wouldn't have enough knowledge about it and would not care. but then youtube might filter it out again due to idk words in my comment if i decide to write out all the possible hazards because i heard that's something youtube might do and that might be why i can't see my comment. idk. im just been bothered by it the past few days and today i could barely focus on my online classes. please help. im super lost and scared.
im also worrying because there are people saying different opinions on talc and such so i just don't want to unintentionally harm other by spreading info that could be false.
again sorry if this doesn't make any sense whatsoever i'm blurting everything out that has been bothering me. any insight would be helpful. thank you so much for reading.
|
OCD
|
(18M) If I get the job I wont be able to get screened for 7 years! I need all the advice I can get.
I have a adhd screening appointment booked in with a psychiatrist at the end of December. I have been waiting months for this appointment and I was honestly really glad I finally pulled the trigger to getting one. Until a few days ago.
Long story short, I have just finished high school and am looking into working in IT (cybersecurity). Getting into this field means either going to university or going to the defence force (military), and in my case, I have been seriously considering the defence force option as it means no student loans + experience in the field + getting paid also while in training + really good job opportunities after serving period is over.
So here lies the major problem.
Joining the defence force means I would have to go through a medical screening. If I do get diagnosed with adhd, my chances of getting in are much slimmer. I also have asthma which by itself may still allow me in, but having an extra medical problem may make me too much to accomodate and not worth the effort (for the defence force). Even if by some miracle I do get in (with diagnosed adhd), to my knowledge, they do not allow medication, so it seems like an unnecessary risk getting screened if I cant get treated anyways.
What would you do in my situation? Can you give me some advice? I really want the job, but that means I wont be able to get screened for adhd for about 7 more years (serving period in the defence force).
The way I see it getting screened and possibly diagnosed is an unnecessary risk if I cant get treated anyways. So if I go try get the job it will mean no screening. And if I get screened and diagnosed it means I most likely will not get the job.
​
Some extra information IF you feel like reading:
Im in AUS if anyone has experience.
Serving time will be 7 years (so I will have to go 7 years until I can get screened). According to some sources (random chat forums) you have to be off medication for 12 months before even being considered (although this is contradicted by other forums saying you will get rejected no matter what). If I dont get screened but get rejected due to asthma I will obviously book another screening test.
|
ADHD
|
I’ve always had trouble using ERP-based stuff for things like OCD about sexual desire. For example, if my OCD is that I’m gay, I worry that by leaning in to it and trying to get myself to imagine graphic imagery of gay sex, instead of the obsession getting the better of me I’ll start sort of “faking it till I make it” and actually start enjoying gay porn. Don’t even get me started with POCD. It’s not the end of the world if I “faked being gay” until I actually did become gay, but pedophilia? Yeah... that’s certainly a horrifying thought.
Firstly, how do I know that if I think like a pedophile / a gay person, in terms of leaning in to and actively having sexual imagery in those areas of desires to desensitize myself over obsessing over them, how do I know I won’t end up starting to like those things from the constant exposure? Also, I’m not really someone who gets anxious much from sexual OCD, I just ruminate. Will ERP even work if it’s a rumination compulsion?
|
OCD
|
Sometimes, in highly stressful times, I notice that I get to a point where I worry too much about everything (or, if I have an specific concern at the time, every little thing will trigger memories about that concern and I'll spent my day worried nonetheless) to an extent that it gets difficult to have anything else done. Le'ts call that The State.
In this kind of State, I feel like my brain doesn't work quite right, as it seems like all racionalization ends up in spirals of worry, despair, concern, panic.
When I'm in The State, I also experience difficulty making decisions, no matter how little. Should I watch one more episode or not? Both options feel equally bad for me. So you can imagine how difficult it is to try to solve any concern that may be more serious than watching things.
I don't rest well, I'm always on edge, I'm 24/7 with a psychological discomfort that I can't quite describe - but it is hard to focus on the now, as it feels like there's a lot of things going on on the background of my mind (and I can't even pinpoint what exactly are all these topics!). I can't focus. Sitting still and breathing is a nightmare and makes me want to f\*cking bolt.
The State usually lasts me a couple days, and I can't do anything other than sit and wait for it to pass.
To be completely honest, it never feel like it completely heals. It feels like I'm at The State all the time, but most of the time it is not that strong. What concerns me are those peaks where it is so hightened that I'm basically paralyzed.
I don't know if its a ADHD thing, an anxiety thing, an cptsd-because-you-still-live-with-your-highly-narcissistic-parents thing or a combination of these three. Or something else entirely.
I'd like to, if possible, have anyone helping me understand what exactly is this that I'm feeling, what is this freaking State and what I could do to help mitigate these awful symptoms faster. Being mentally paralyzed for several days because you can't think straight without immediately worrying to the point of breathlessness is, at the very least, annoying.
I'd love to hear long-term-solutions too, but what I seek the most are the short-term ones, as I'm feeling like this right now and would like very much if it stopped asap. :(
Thanks in advance.
|
ADHD
|
I have no happiness or anything to look forward to.
|
depression
|
I've been getting therapy for about 3 months now. And things have barely changed at all. I still have weekly ruts. I still get super stressed out and/or depressed regularly. I've made so many planners and tried all kinds of organization strategies, but I have maybe adhered to a planner for ONE DAY so far. I'll figure out something new that seems to work and a week later I realize I haven't used it in 4 days. I really have been taught a lot of the strategies (by my friend that has ADHD as well), like making your goals SMART, deconstructing into smaller goals, starting the day well, decluttering, tried out so much stuff, etc etc. But I'm still a fucking mess and super behind on my responsibilities. I still have a horrible self image because for every minute of CBT exercises I do, I spend 20-30 minutes over the day bashing myself. It all just... Doesn't seem to work :/. I don't feel like I'm better than when therapy started, and today was pretty bad again.
I have an appointment about medication with the psychiatrist in a month from now and I *really* hope that can change things. What are your experiences with this? Am I just waiting for an easy way out not having to do the hard work with meds? Or is it really that hard or close to impossible for a subset of ADHD-people to bring about change unmedicated, even with weekly therapy?
I'm asking my psychologist tomorrow too, but I'd like to hear your experiences with this
|
ADHD
|
I’m a huge perfectionist and worrier and stuff, but my worst ocd symptoms in my opinion come from worrying about being infested with bugs/worms/mold and stuff like that. I have to have my partner check me for bugs a lot and I’ll feel like I feel them on me. I’m wondering how people deal with that and can stop the sensations of bugs and stuff.
I’m on lexapro currently but I can have what I call “ocd attacks” where instead of a panic attack (which I’ve also had) i sensory overload and am terrified my entire body is infested and it’s really horrible. I have a therapist, but I wanted to hear from people who also experience it.
How do people deal with that? Just looking for some coping skills.
|
OCD
|
I know ERP is the way, and I did it for some time and it was fine and I got better, but I had a relapse and I'm deeply afraid that if I do it I find that my obsessions are true and I've been lying to myself the whole time.
How can I overcome this fear in order to get better?
Also, how frequently do I have to do ERP?
|
OCD
|
I've been diagnosed with PTSD 3.5 years ago. It hasn't improved at all and my sleep is pretty non existent, scared to sleep cause every night i sleep i have the same nightmare and wake up in a panic or crying.
I used to have a friend that would stay on the phone with me just talking having a discussion until i fell asleep then they were free to hang up.
Is there anyone down for a call on Snapchat it would help so much
|
ptsd
|
Trust me I know this illness Is a bitch, it makes us question everything, makes us just absolutely exhausted some days or even most days trying to fight it. I know at the moment it may not feel like it but theres hope even when your brain is being dumb and tells you there isnt. I know most people dont understand what this illness even is (just the other day I was fixing a tote at work cleaning it up a little, which had nothing to do with my OCD and dude says to me Haha you must have OCD! Like oh buddy if only you knew) but just keep fighting yall, theres gotta be better times ahead and you'll wanna see those moments :) you arent alone.
|
OCD
|
I'm wondering if this is OCD. Often, I can't stand people being around me at home. Particularly when I want to focus on something but people keep interrupting me or unexpected things happen. If my partner brings his brother over or a friend unexpectedly it absolutely infuriates me, I get huge anxiety that it's kind of interupted my 'me time' plans.
It's so bad I actually feel like breaking down if someone visits unexpectedly or stays longer than expected. I like having people over but need it to be planned in advance.
I desperately want is to have my own home so I can kind of control my time and there are no interruptions, no distractions and no having to make small talk. I enjoy socialising, on my terms, and am good at making connections and reading people, so I don't think I'm autistic.
|
OCD
|
Tldr at bottom.
I don't advocate anything, really. But i will say what helped me a lot and actually is working right now:
- retail work. Working with customers that treat you mostly with disrespect, and you have to actually deal with it, prepared me for almost anyrhing in life. Not anymore in retail or customer service related job, but those observations of various people, were a great lesson on how human interaction works. I learned a lot.
- my add medication. I am on methylphenidate aka ritalin, and this together with buproprion killed my anxiety, agoraphobia, social phobia, it really calms my mind, i don't have so many sensory overload issues anymore, i can handle any conversation without feeling stressed. It makes my mind collected and actually i think it really helps me with my issues that i was struggling and are asoergers related. I don't overanalyze without self control so much. If i want i let myself loose and will strip every situation to smallest details and try to find a pattern there... But i can now control it more.
Stimualnts working great as an anti depressant (there are many researches on pubmed proving it true) and in my opinion are far better to handle depression and anxiety than any anti depressant i ever tried. I don't advocate to take stimualnts, i just say that they are sometimes prescribed off label and they work great. Still, they are drugs and they can give side effects. In my case positives outweighs the negatives, and i feel i am on a good way to improve my life a lot.
- discipline over motivation. I can loose motivation in a second. But if you train yourself hard to get disciplined about something, it can allow you to do tasks and things without looking for excuses, even if you won't be in a mood to do anything really
- gestalt type therapy. It was recommended by my psychiatrist after he formally diagnosed me with add and aspergers. I never valued therapy as simething that can help me. Oh i was so wrong. Having someone that will listen, and always put focus on how you feel when speaking about certain struggles, helped me shift my perspective quite dramatically. First time in my life i have actually realized how much i have already accomplished relating personal growth. I don't think i would be able to overcome my personal struggles without gestalt therapy.
It focused on emotions, and how i experience them and what they mean to me. Never thought i have so many emotions. I was angry, neutral, happy, depressed. Now i can label more emotions and this actually helps me learn what triggers me and what situations to avoid.
- learning your own limit, and working ob your self worth. All life i was a junkie, alcoholic, sobriety was the last thing i wanted. Drugs and alcohol drowned my emotions and.l it made me unable to see clearly where i am going in life, or i couldn't tell if some people are using me or not. I learned to say no. Set my boundaries and held myself accountable to enforce them and not let myself be walked over.
I also learned that i shouldn't value myself based ob how productive i am, or how others think of me. This leads me to feel much laid back. I have productive days, where i feel like task machine killer, and days where i do nothing and i don't torment myself about it.
I can also feel when i am slowly reaching my limit so i can back off take rest instead of trying to enforce some crazy pressure on myself when clearly it is not working and leading me to stress and anxiety.
I have many issues in my life but life is getting better. I still struggle to accept my aspergers diagnosis, even i suspected it for a year or two actually. I am working on it. My add diagnosis i somehow accepted very easily. Maybe the whole stigma in my country related to autism makes me a bit confused, but i hope i will finally accept myself as an autistic person. It is also hard because in past i held wrong understandings about mental issues and disorders. I don't treat add or autism as a personality traits. For me personally they are neurodevelopmental disorders.
Stimualnts helps, other meds helps me too. I think i just need time to look myself into a mirror and see myself as autistic but not feel sad about it.
Have in mind that this is my perspective only, i fucked with tons of drugs mostly psychodelics, and i used them to shift my perspective and look at my life through different filter. I did a lot of self therapy and i dig and overcome many childhood traumas by myself. But. I don't advocate self medication with drugs. This is a very slippery slope, and in the end i am just a junkie with add and aspergers. I don't do recreational drugs or alcohol anymore. But i will be alcoholic and junkie forever.
Can i call myself sober? Maybe not if i think i am on stimualnts 7 days a week. They don't give me any euphoria or good feelings , they don't release serotonin so i am not rolling like on molly. They calm my mind, and helps me navigate my life better.
I am married, i don't speak my own language because we both communicate in english. I prefer to thinking and speaks in english, because i use simple words and grammar structure and it allows me to get my point across quicker.
I feel like i am tourist in my own country, when i go somewhere i have to use my native language and it is quite ridiculous because i don't use it almost at all, and i forget many words.
What helped me also quite a lot was travelling to countries with completely different culture. Iam eu based and i spent quite a lot ot time in South East Asia. Daily my thinking patterns and beliefs were challenged and put for a test. It really made me more open minded, and actually it was the only place that i felt at home. Different social norms and customs, people never minded my awkwardness because they just thought that i don't know the culture or their way of interactions. Lot of understanding, no hand shaking to greet, people really curious about my personality and i had plenty of conversations with total strangers.
TLDR: i struggle with acceptance of my aspeegers diagnosis but not with add. My stimualnt meds helps me in all areas of my life. Gestalt type therapy allows me to recognize more emotions and my accomplishments in personal growth. Speaking daily in another language helps me with communicating my needs or opinions. Travelling in countries very different to western cultures makes me open minded and it challenged everything what i took for granted. Discipline over motivation. Working in retail or customer service helped me understand many social interactions and cues.
Edit some typo and tldr
|
aspergers
|
TW: weight loss/lack of eating
I have not been formally diagnosed but have been feeling different after a traumatic event that happened about 2 months ago. I have a therapist that I have known for years and feel comfortable with but I don't see them on a schedule anymore. When the event happened, I contacted them and had small sessions to clear my head and everything.
Immediately after the event, I began having horrible nightmares of the event and woke up in the middle of the night repeatedly, to the point where I would end up with less than 5 or so hours of sleep a night, every night. I started having anxiety over these nightmares and developed a hard time falling asleep because of this.
It became difficult to focus on eating because I was mentally exhausted from the event and physically exhausted from the lack of sleep. I lost 15 lbs in a week and dropped to below a healthy weight for my height. I became so stressed from being unable to focus on school and trying to keep my grades up that my hair began falling out in large amounts. When I think of the event, I get nauseous, sweaty, and shakey. I still experience the sleep issues and everything else now but have been able to get to a healthier weight.
I guess what I'm asking is does this sound like it could be PTSD? Or just stress? I've been meaning to meet with my therapist but am unsure if I should meet with someone who specializes in trauma instead.
|
ptsd
|
So I was taking 2 20mg IR at 8am and 12pm, and a 10mg IR around 4 each day for 50mg total.
I asked my psychiatrist if we could up the 3rd dose to a 20mg as well, or if I could switch to a different longer lasting medication because the IR is supposed to last 3-4 hours and it really only lasts about 2 or so.
She switched me to 1xday 40mg Ritalin LA. It's only rated to last 6-8 hours (compared to my 3x day 3-4 hours totalling about 10-12) AND it is 10mg less than I previously had. I've taken it for 2 days and it only seems to last about 5 hours or so.
I'm so confused why she did this?? Anyone else been through something similar or know what the reasoning may have been ? She didn't seem to address upping the mg, or a longer lasting medication.
|
ADHD
|
Hey all, I'm relatively new to this sub.
I've recently gone to my GP to have a talk about my medication (Concerta) because it really "Makes me a different person" according my girlfriend.
It makes me not want to talk and eat, sweat profusely and other general discomfort.
My GP told me I might not have ADHD after all, it started to make me wonder what the cause of my inability to concentrate is if it isn't ADHD.
How do you guys experience ADHD medication?
(I've used Ritalin for a short bit and felt like it did the same to me, just for a shorter duration)
|
ADHD
|
Awful awful everything is awful everyone hates me everyone is corrupted I’m so much worse than them I don’t even deserve to have people close to me I hate everyone everyone is awful and they hate me I’m just so awful
My bathroom sink is filled with vomit and I’ve been washing my hands always and I can’t get out the ruminations
|
OCD
|
Recently I have been hyper-fixating on the movements I make, e.g. the movements in my mouth I make whilst speaking or the way I swing my arms while I’m walking. It’s driving me insane.
Is there a way I can prevent this? Any advice would be appreciated greatly.
|
OCD
|
I think I may have PTSD from my last relationship but my brain keeps telling me that what I went through wasn't traumatic enough for me to have PTSD.. I don't have health insurance but I think i need to see a doctor. I'll give you the gist of my experience:
it started when he was 22 and I was 16. I was a fan, and he was a band member. It got sexual very quickly but it was all consensual. There was never ever any sexual or physical abuse, it was purely emotional manipulation. on and off, for about three years (I'm 20 now)
\- lying / not telling the full truth
\- ghosting, and then love-bombing (this was the most traumatic, I have abandonment issues now)
\- hot/cold games
\- self victimizing when I would bring up that I'm hurt
\- he attempted suicide multiple times, and then would ghost me so I wouldn't know if he was alive or dead
​
I have intrusive thoughts, and there are certain words or phrases my OCD makes me repeat outloud when I get a surge of anxiety. I'm constantly triggered by little things. Anxiety has no end. I feel like I cant connect emotionally with people and I'm irritable. When I read back my list \^\^ I think to myself "yeah he was a dick, but he didn't traumatize you"... but my brain and body are saying something completely different. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going crazy or im over reacting.
I apologize if this wasn't the place to turn to... I just don't know who else to turn to. When I talk to my friends or family about my ex, I don't think they get how fucked up I am over it...
|
ptsd
|
i'm looking for ways to comfort myself, tysm to anyone who comments
|
ptsd
|
I’ve gotten to a point I’m just sorta low key over life right now… I don’t see the point in it.. I just went through major life changes, changed jobs, moved out of my parents toxic household and in with my boyfriend, I have an hour drive to work now. Now I’m miserable. I thought things were going to get better for me after I moved and changed jobs, but it just got worse. Now I’ve found way too many sketchy things with my boyfriend, including him having other girls nudes saved, another girls thong in his dresser which he swears is from the past which doesn’t make things better, and a different girl he’s messaging 24/7 instead of ever talking to me, which of course he always has excuses for everything. My new boss is an asshole and overworks us while “forgetting” to pay me then flips on me like it’s my fault. I’m a tattoo artist and he tells me I owe him my life for allowing me to work there because his shop is the best around in his eyes. I wake up dreading every day, hoping it’ll get better, but it doesn’t. I’m not good enough for my man, for my job, for my parents, for anything. I feel like everyday is the same. Wake up, force myself to get up and get ready, drive to work , get hazed by my boss because he also feels new employees need hazed, drive home, have my boyfriend tell me a ton of mean things that are “just jokes so I shouldn’t get upset”, then go to bed crying myself to sleep. I have a cat and she makes me happy, she’s hust 16 weeks old, but he gets mad at me for finding happiness in her. He complains that I’m never happy, but also complains when something like my kitten brings me happiness. Besides my kitten, I’m slowly starting to not have any interest in anything. Life seems pointless. No matter what I do, I feel like life always kicks me down. Like I’m not allowed to be happy. I was in a majorly mentally and physically abusive relationship over a year before my current one, my current one I thought was going amazing, until one day things just changed, and now I’m no longer enough it seems. I just needed to rant a little. There’s so much more I could say but I’ll leave it at that for now. I just want to be happy and feel like life is worth it for once….
|
depression
|
Hi all
So I've just been told I need to wait 1 year to get my diagnosis through the UK health care system. Im thinking about going the private diagnosis root but I've heard it can be really expensive. Has anyone gone down this root and how much does their medication cost?
​
Was thinking of getting a private diagnosis while I wait on the waiting list through the NHS then hopefuly they can diagnosis me again and give me cheaper medication?
Was thinking of getting a private diagnosis while I wait on the waiting list through the NHS then hopefully they can diagnosis me again and give me cheaper medication?
|
ADHD
|
Hello guys. It’s my first time getting exams results with such severe symptoms. My OCD subtypes ALL include extreme perfectionism, and of course school isn’t an exception, and I just know for a fact that I won’t be able to properly handle a possible failure. However I also know it might happen. Do you have any advice I could use to handle that moment? They’re supposed to arrive on Monday and I’ve been physically sick all day because of it...Also, how should I react if I fail?
|
OCD
|
Has anyone experienced autistic burnout in mid 30s that has persisted for years not months? How have you overcome this? Can we ever recover one day and how??
|
aspergers
|
Hey, I don't know if this belongs here but I would hope so since it's a PTSD issue.
I'm a 17 y/o girl, turning 18 in a few weeks, and I've tried a lot of different medications for my depression/anxiety and panic attacks. My anxiety these days is extreme, and I can't leave the house most days because of it. I feel like I have to put on a face in public, I have no spacial awareness so I have to focus on how my body is moving in the space around people and how my face reacts to things. Otherwise, people think I'm weird because I can't seem to just have the right reaction to things. I have a hard time processing speech when people talk so sometimes not understanding what they're saying or taking it the wrong way makes me say things that don't really make sense in the conversation and it creates awkward situations that I can't deal with. I think I'm autistic but I won't know for a while, I'm getting tested in a few weeks. But because of this, I have extreme anxiety around going out in public and just existing. I haven't worked in months because of this and I've seen friends maybe a handful of times since shutting down. It just got to be too much. I was having panic attacks before work so badly I couldn't keep any job, I'd just think about having to pretend to be normal in public and how stressful that is on my brain and then I'd get overwhelmed with having to talk to people at work or talk to customers (god forbid) and add on top of that whatever thing at work that was stressing me out to begin with mixed with the added stress of "oh god I'm going to be late for work or miss work because I can't stop panicking" or "I can't miss more work I just missed work yesterday I'm going to get fired/my boss is gonna be mad" etc. It's horrible. It stops me physically from getting ready to go to work, it stops me from being able to do anything but sit in bed and shake and cry and hyperventilate. Because I just can't take one more day of just existing like that and feeling like shit while I'm out. I just can't handle it.
The only problem now though, is that I'm spending all of my time at home. My boyfriend works so he's been supporting me since I stopped working (I live with him, living with my parents is horrible) so that helps a lot. But with all of this time to just sit here, everything I have to do here (art, watching shows/movies, listening to music, playing guitar) is just... Boring? Like, I have a lot of interest in all of these things but I just get in these ruts where nothing seems fun and I have no motivation to do absolutely anything even if it's fun so I just sit here in silence because I just can't make myself do anything. And the silence gives me room to think, so I end up just sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking and it's AWFUL. It gets to the point that my thoughts race through my head, and my overthinking of course makes my brain want to be mean to me and say the worst most horrible things to me, and so I end up listening to just "I can't believe you're so worthless, you don't do anything all day, you're wasting your time." "Your boyfriend is cheating on you because you're fat and ugly and you're just not normal, you act fucking weird and you'll never fit in." (Even though he would never do that and I have zero evidence to even think that, I trust him more than anyone in my life.) "You're so heavily traumatized that you can't even understand people, what's wrong with you?" "All you do is take up space, your boyfriend's mom probably wishes you would just go back home, why are you still here?" It gets bad. And I can't stop it once it starts, I can't distract myself and I can't get away from it no matter what I do. I've tried going to a happy place in my head. I've tried watching shows. Movies. Videos. I've tried drawing, listening to music, playing music. The only thing that seems to help even slightly is weed and that doesn't really even stop it most of the time, it just makes it slow down a bit so I can try and sleep. Because sleep is the only thing that shuts it off. And I just don't know how to deal with this. There is not a cure for my overthinking. I can't stop it. At all.
So my next thought is like, trying to get a job or something to pass the time because like, what the fuck do I do with all of this time? But I can't do that due to my panic attacks. So I'm in this predicament where I have no ability to cope with my mental illness and no ability to get a job to fill the time with so I can get out of my head.
You'd think, therapy? Medication?
This is where it gets even better. (Sarcasm)
Medication is not an option for me because I had an extremely traumatic experience with it two years ago. I was on triazodone (spelled wrong I think idk) and I was taking it for sleep. I took it two times in total. The first time, I took it before bed, and once it kicked in and I was asleep, it felt like I woke up again and I thought "oh I just woke up in the middle of the night, that sucks" but before that thought was even done, I started hallucinating. Like. I have this comfort bear that I've had since I was a baby that's the size of a body pillow, and it was in the kitchen looking right at me like it was gonna kill me. And it started talking and saying some really fucked up things, like, that "he" was gonna get in any second, and that "he" is gonna kill me, and all of a sudden my front door was being banged on and beaten from outside and my parents were gone and my brother was gone and I was just stuck in the house while it's dark while the banging is just going and going. I thought I was awake. And all of this felt real. My dreams are hyper realistic. So when I woke up, I just had all of the hallucinations stop basically and it was like I was opening my eyes but I still felt off and weird and, it was just bad. I was terrified that i would start seeing things again. And the second night I took it I had the same thing happen but the hallucinations were much worse so bad that I can't remember it anymore. My brain shut it out. I just remember it was really bad. So now I don't trust medication because I feel like no matter what I try it's going to react that badly to me again and I won't be traumatized again. I won't. I can't do it. I'm already FAR too fucking traumatized to go through anything like that again.
Therapy is unhelpful because only therapists don't know how to deal with autism/not knowing how to be social correctly, so I'm finally getting tested for autism. Which should help.
But even with a diagnosis, where do I go with that?
Will they want to medicate me? Do I just learn how to be social and put on a face easier? I don't know. And that's anxiety inducing. I don't want to keep having to pretend to be a different person to go outside and exist and not be weird.
Whatever they want to do for my autism is like, my only hope in trying to get a job or just do something to stop my thinking all day. I can't do medication. And I'm just so worried....
But until I get any idea of what to do about my autism, I'm stuck living here and having all of this empty time. I don't get in my brain and overthink whenever my boyfriend is home but when he's at work, (a majority of the time, he works 50-60 hour weeks), I can't cope and I end up just sleeping away my days because I can't listen to my brain anymore.
What should I do? I don't know how to cope until I'm able to get help from a psychiatrist (aka autism testing). I need help. Can anyone give me some advice on just what the fuck to do please? I'm so desperate to get out of this
|
ptsd
|
Today, I got very triggered and my OCD attacked. I was panicking, feeling out of my body, faint, and wanted to throw up. This is how my OCD likes to make her appearance. (I view my OCD as a girl named Matilda.) I started automatically doing my mental rituals and compulsions like I have before. And then all of a sudden, I started feeling this feeling of humor and ridiculousness (is this even a feeling?). I then started laughing out loud about how ridiculous this was! This was a new one! I realized that these thoughts, obsessions and compulsion were ridiculous and it was the BEST feeling ever! Now, OCD still tried to direct me away from that but I wouldn't let her. I was the one that was in control of my life. Not her. She had spent way to long being in the driver's seat and I was putting her on the floorboard with the rest of the trash that is there. . If you would have asked me two years ago when I started my recovery journey that I would be this way, I would have laughed in your face! This would have been a very different post. I wanted to shared this little win because I have been through the absolute worst of OCD and I still go through it. It is not always easy and there are times that I let her win. But, these little wins shows how it can get better. And that those with OCD are so incredibly strong and resilient and we can get through it! And that we are always in control even if our OCD doesn't want us to be. We can allow ourselves to celebrate these wins and acknowledge that we still have OCD.
|
OCD
|
I go see my doctor tomorrow to get a prescription for either vyvanse or concerta. She wanted me to spend the week figuring out which one I’d prefer to start on while we waited for my labs to come back. I am a college student and my biggest adhd struggles are focus (long study days), inattention, and initiating tasks (especially if they are boring or I’m uninterested). I’m still not sure which one to try. Please share your experience with either to help me decide!
How long did the medication last? Side effects? Ability to focus? Motivation to get tasks done?
|
ADHD
|
hi, I'm Chris and as you all know I have severe OCD been living with it forever and can't seem to make it get any better, but my theory is that OCD stems from fear real fears at first that might manifest into greater ones but its a chemical imbalance that causes a small fear to be extremely overwhelming that it might traumatize you in such a way combined with your hormonal imbalance to never be the same and always obsess. I've been trying to understand it for a long time cause it's not like the people who have it don't notice, their doing is stupid it is just real fears that you can't imagine happening to you could be even the fear of changing and not being obsessed that make you more obsessed and think if I stop obsessing then it's more likely for the things they fear to happen.
welp hope i don't get criticized just an opinion yup
|
OCD
|
Since I was young I've always been fascinated by visual art, and art in general. My grandad is an artist and watching him work always motivated me.
But I can't draw and its immensely frustrating. I can't even say I haven't tried, I'm 18 and I've always loved the idea of getting concepts down on paper. But there's some block in my brain that doesn't let me transfer ideas to paper. Everyone always told me that you have to find your way. I've went to art schools and all.
I fucking hate it, its the one thing I want to be good at. I have all these creative ideas in mind, they're all there, in my head, clear as day, but I cannot express them. I'm trapped in a mental prison of my own creativity, unable to project my ideas.
My drawings are dogshit. And no I'm not the artist that is no longer satisfied by its work, I simply never was. My drawings are objectively all garbage. People tell me there's going to always be someone better than you, and I agree, comparison to others takes us down. But I don't think I've genuinely ever seen anyone draw worse than me, maybe a toddler.
Sure, I never really spent TOO much time into it. I haven't tried drawing everyday for even a month. Maybe it would help. But how do I even find that motivation to try. Even if its something I love, and that would honestly make me feel somewhat proud of myself, I cannot bring myself to put effort in it, all I actually expect is to be disappointed once more.
This may all sound very stupid, maybe superficial, but it angers me, I don't understand what I'm doing wrong and I don't know how to fucking snap out of it. It's because I feel like this is my way of expressing myself, drawing that shit visually. I feel like my mouth is sewed shut, I can't communicate effectively.
And tbh same shit goes for music. I play guitar, and I suppose I'm alright, but I'm painfully mediocre. I want to enclose a particular mood in music, but I can never manage, and more or less all the same shit applies.
|
depression
|
Does anyone suffer from nightmares that wake them up in the middle of the night, but you cannot remember what they were about when you wake up?
My Lexapro already makes me have such vivid dreams, but I remember them well. But as of a week ago, I have been waking up several times a night in a panic from a nightmare and I don't remember any details.
Anyone else?
|
ptsd
|
I have been diagnosed with high-functioning autism by two psychologists, but both refused to give me a written diagnosis. I was told I had autism but I didn't get it on paper. I'm not going to therapy anymore because I've been told I'm a hopeless case.
I have been considering getting an official diagnosis on paper but, in my area, only expensive specialists are willing to emit such diagnosis to adult women. I don't have 350€ lying around so I wanted to know if saving some money is worth it.
What benefits can you get from an official diagnosis? I was thinking it might be useful in discrimination cases but maybe there are other benefits.
|
aspergers
|
So, I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was 15 (I'm now 23, almost 24). But.. I feel like all of these years I've had such a problem with feeling like I'm "really" suffering from OCD. I just feel like.. idk, I just want to know I'm not alone in this, I guess? I need some reassurance, and this endless fear is so exhausting..
I go through these really intense cycles every few weeks, something I've always kept to myself.. but my Husband commented a few days ago that He was looking through the internet history and found some concerning searches. He asked why I was looking up things like "how to fake being sick", "symptoms of [insert one of my diagnoses here]", "how you make yourself sick", etc. etc. etc.
I was humiliated.. I usually tell Him just about EVERYTHING, even the really awful stuff, Hes been through the worst with me. But this one.. I dont know why, but I've never told Him about it. Until now, I guess. I had to explain to Him what was going on- He knows already that I'm not faking, obviously, and would never accusing me of such- but He was really worried about me. He knows that one of my biggest fears is that I'm faking being sick- physically or mentally. I have multiple chronic illnesses that have basically taken over my life, and I spend ridiculous amounts of time and energy terrified that I might be faking it all, or making it up, or overexaggerating.. but this is the first time He had ever "caught" one of my spirals.
Every once in awhile, I get really, really upset about it. I spend hours- usually keeping myself up all night- "researching" the exact symptoms of the illnesses I'm diagnosed with, going into forums to read about other people's experiences to make sure it lines up, whatever I can find. And, usually, I do "research" on how to fake being sick, how to know if someone is faking.. how to know if you're faking being sick. Its like I'm checking to make sure I'm not doing any of those things, like I have to convince myself that I'm not doing any of it on purpose or trying to trick anyone.
The anxiety of it eats at me all day every day. Every time I see a doctor, my anxiety shoots through the roof- to the point that I have to have a support person available for every appointment because I completely dissociate through them and usually cant remember anything during or after, nor can I safely drive when its over- because I get so worried that they'll "catch" me and be angry, that I won't get it "right" or I'll say the wrong things, that I'll confuse my symptoms and they'll "know" I'm making it up, that I'll seem too eager for my medicine and they'll "know" I'm seeking drugs..
I hate it. And considering the fact that I'm disabled, and see doctors at least once or twice a week, and am in the ER more often than most people are, its really something that consumes me. Even ON medication, it consumes me.
I know I just ended up rambling and stuff, but, ya know. Does anyone else go through stuff like this? Is it just me? I mean.. I know I'm not "special" or anything.. but, my gods, I feel so alone and confused.
|
OCD
|
Hi all you cats are kittens!
I just want to share with you - I'm struggling with bipolar disorder since 16 now im 29.
After those almost 15 year of fighting back and forth, I managed to get well (of course not by myself).
Life is finally good - will never get rid of my problem, but I can life fulfilling life.
Anyone of you need to talk , please don't be shy. I've been in the same spot like as you.
|
depression
|
sorry if something like this has already been posted or if it’s too long to read.
i’ve always been the type to over share while drunk. in the past it was only slightly embarrassing, but i was never ashamed of it because i didn’t really have anything happen in my life that made me feel “shameful” if other people knew. that all changed after i got sexually assaulted last year.
it happened right before i was going back to college the summer after my freshman year. of course once i got back it’s all i could think about— and i drunkenly started telling people about it. the next day i would become SO shameful because it almost felt like i was sharing this stuff but not on my own terms.. like my drunk self took control and didn’t let me choose whether or not i wanted those people to know.
fast forward to this year. i drink less now and therefore talk about it less, and i’m actually going to therapy instead of just relying on the people around me. i was recently formally diagnosed with PTSD, so the whole situation has just been really salient in my mind. last night i stupidly got super drunk and started over sharing again but this time about my diagnosis and about things that trigger me and how i react when triggered. i started crying (and i’m the type of person who HATES crying in front of people) and i told my roommate that one of her really close guy friends triggers me because he makes smarmy sexual comments to me all the time (which is true, but i was trying not to tell her because she is the type to defend her friend over me). i was like so incredibly drunk and she isn’t necessarily a person that i like to talk about this stuff with, because she has said some really messed up stuff to me about it in the past.
i guess i’m just feeling really shameful about the whole thing and just needed to vent. most people know i was assaulted but i was trying to hold off about talking about PTSD because i didn’t want to come across as super messed up— but now the cat is out of the bag. i know the best option would be for me to stop drinking, but i truly don’t drink that much and being in college it’s tough to get out of that scene and still have a social life.
does anyone else struggle with oversharing while drunk and feeling really shameful the next day? i can’t shake the feeling that my friends will think of me as a lost cause or something...
|
ptsd
|
I’ve been on Strattera 40mg 1 in the morning, I’ve been taking it for 3 day and I get nauseous, headaches, if I stand up sometimes I get light headed and my legs feel like jello, I sweat a lot. I’m not sure if this is a placebo but I have been noticing that I don’t overthink or second guess myself anymore, I’m starting to get interested in things I’ve always wanted to do. The days feel longer, I feel calm in my head which is weird. I feel plain, not like blunt or emotionless just normal for once I guess idk how to explain it. I’ve noticed I can keep track of what I read and no longer reread paragraph or take hours reading 1 page. I’m actually happy with the progress. My only concern is the side effects, I get them 30min-1hour after taking Strattera and they eventually go away but is there something I can do to lessen the side effects or do I just tough it out?
|
ADHD
|
I am living in eastern society, the tradition and education does not tolerate me even I was diagnosed ADHD in childhood. Teachers and parents just deny the fact and impose verbal and physical violence on me.
I got medicine when once I become adult, it solve some problem indeed but not my personality.
I am extremely lack of confidence, I can’t get out of the shadow from past. Caring too much on how’s people see me (I must be wired?), desperately to find the sense of belonging from others.
I am not sure if it’s because of ADHD or my personal experience. Maybe I am just not strong/confident enough.
p.s. sorry for my bad English
|
ADHD
|
It happens with a lot of things, and it’s like “if you don’t remember this, your life will be horrible”. It even goes far to question me about the afterlife. “Are you sure you remember what you believe? Are you sure you’re okay with the fact that there may be nothing after death? Are you sure that you are satisfied with that video on optimistic nihilism?
If I triggered anybody with this, I’m sorry. I Just felt like I needed a bit on an outlet, and this was the best place I could find.
|
OCD
|
Apologies in advance for the long post.
Hey everyone, I am a 20 year old male with what I hope is OCD (I was diagnosed), and the first time I ever remember truly dealing with this disease was back in late 2018. My father had atrial flutter and I also had a particularly nasty stomach bug around that time and I remember looking up symptoms and then immediately thinking "Oh god, do I have stomach cancer?" and for the next few months I obsessed over every physical symptom I ever had and thinking it was a tumor in my head, colon cancer, ALS, etc... And because of my dad's condition and the thought he might die, I kept pondering existence, the existence of God and heaven, the afterlife, purpose... It was bad. I went to therapy and I learned to stop looking up these things and reconnecting with my faith also helped. I learned to love myself and be less of a cynical asshole. I got better.
In June of 2019, I often fantasized myself as a father, taking care of my kids and spending time with them. I was laying in bed one day doing that and immediately the image was replaced with a sexual one with them in it. I was immediately disgusted by it and tried to shrug it off. In July, I was watching Stranger Things and one of the characters wore shorts. I looked at her thighs for a second and that's when the thought hit me: "Am I a pedophile?"
What followed was months of absolute terror and sadness. I wanted to kill myself that way the possibility of me ever hurting a kid was impossible. I never looked at kids that way, I always regarded them with neutrality or annoyance. Now my brain was hyperaware of their presence and saying some truly disgusting shit up there. It was fucking bad. This was when I first learned of OCD, but was unsure if I had it or not. I eventually somewhat got over it but the thoughts still pop up on occasion.
Earlier this year, I was playing a game and usually when your character gets shot, they'll grunt or wince in pain and my brain was like "That's hot." then I started freaking the fuck out and wondering if I was gay. Every time I tried to watch porn I would get these sensations in my mouth or my ass and it would feel like a fucking penis. I never expressed interest in men before and this fucked me up for weeks on end. My brain would say "OH HE'S ATTRACTIVE" on random men and I would get a anxiety like a motherfucker. I kept checking my reactions to gay porn and shit like that with results that basically told me I'm straight. One night, I watch porn and immediately after I'm done, my brain was like, "I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay." and at first... No anxiety and then a full blown panic attack. Thoughts persisted.
One day, I scroll through Twitter and something related to a trans person. This made me think, "Am I trans?" and I immediately panicked hard and tried looking for answers but I was able to stave it off for that night. Another day, I was working and I saw some of the girl coworkers talking and I got a little sad because I'm pretty awkward around girls most of the time and then my brain said, ,"I bet if I was a girl, they'd talk to me more." and this sent me into a fucking panic. What the fuck did it mean? Why did I think this? Do I want to be a girl? I don't! I like being a boy!
HOCD immediately became TOCD and it's been fucking with me hardcore ever since. Constant intrusive thoughts about me being the other gender or even urges to do these things that have never even crossed my mind. I freak out and panic because I genuinely don't want to do anything to my body. I like my identity, I like masculine clothing, I grew up playing with boy toys, I was perfectly fine with pronouns, I had mostly male role models, I try to emulate other men I know, and I was genuinely perfectly fine being a male. It all felt very natural to me. Never felt discomfort using a men's restroom (except for when taking a shit) or being identified as a man, dude, bro, etc. I genuinely don't think I wished that I was a woman at any point in my life aside from maybe thinking "Oh maybe my life will be easier" or wondering what life as the other gender was like but even then, I am pretty damn sure it wasn't a serious thought that I actually longed for or wanted. My sexual fantasies and regular fantasies have always envisioned me as a more handsome and muscular version of myself, not a woman. The only times I daydreamed of that sort of thing was when I would write stories for stuff I actually wanted to work on and one of the stories I made featured a female main protagonist, and I would daydream or envision her in movie-like scenes but even then, I didn't envision myself AS her nor did I wish I could be her. I also did the same for male characters as well in any stories I wrote and even then, I related more to my male characters and identified with them way more. I also play female characters sometimes in games but that's mainly cause I think they're cute but I have mostly played as male characters in games. But my thoughts are so scary and terrifying and I hate all of them. Ruminating on the past has even tried to convince me that I never felt comfortable with my gender even though I am? Hearing my pronouns now makes me obsess and get anxious over them. Whenever I talk, I wonder if I sound girly. I monitor my own behaviors or the way I'm sitting and check if it's feminine or not. My mom accidentally called me "mija" which means daughter in Spanish and I freaked the fuck out and corrected her to "mijo". I can't tell if this is real or not or if it's even OCD sometimes. Going on a trans subreddit relieved me because I didn't relate with any of it but now my brain is trying to tell me that I did and when I read it again, it just made me more fucking terrified of the thought. I really, really don't want to be a woman or transgender, I want to keep living my life as a man and nothing else. I never felt ANY of this before this started. I want the thoughts to end and for me to keep being a man for the rest of my life. I had dreams of being a father, a good husband/boyfriend, a son, a brother, and a good man. Please don't tell me to try different pronouns or some shit or crossdress, I don't want fucking any of that. I'm just scared shitless.
If you've read this far, thank you. I just want the pain to end.
|
OCD
|
i’ve been prescribed adderall since august 23rd (so it’s been 73 days/over 2 months/over 10 weeks) and it hasn’t done anything. i asked to be put on it mainly because of constantly hearing that it staves off hunger but also because it seemed like it helped everyone on it focus and get everything done with or without adhd. adhd wise it doesn’t help and it doesn’t stave off hunger. i’m still on it because i keep thinking it will kick in sooner or later. i take the dosage my psychiatrist tells me to, i haven’t taken more then i’m supposed to. i’m on 40mg XR a day but started at 10mg XR. i feel like a failure. all i’ve ever heard about adderall is how much it works and that it’s a god send.
|
ADHD
|
Hello Everybody,
This is my first post on this subreddit.
I have always struggled with organization skills as a result of ADHD, whether it be scheduling, completing tasks for school/work/household on time, etc. My entire life I have been given "helpful" tips like get a planner! Use iProcrastinate! Use this app, that app, the works. Nothing has ever worked, as I assume is the case for most people with ADHD. And my ability to structure my life seems to fall between "I will never get my sh*t together" and even decline.
I find brief moments where I am able to simulate structure by "strategically rewarding myself", or setting 25 alarms for every task of the day, or taking different approaches to get me to complete tasks I struggle with, or successfully schedule my life/budget accordingly.
Was hoping if people were willing to share different techniques they have tried and found helpful in their lives, and maybe something will click and work with me too.
|
ADHD
|
I apologize in advance cuz I’m sure this sub gets posts all the time from people questioning these sorts of things... it’s just 2:40 in the morning and I can’t sleep and I need this. For the record, I already have a regular therapist and psychiatrist who I have appointments scheduled with to discuss this, so I’m not expecting anyone to take the place of a medical professional here. I just want to hear from real people who have this condition.
During the month of December I came down with covid and spread it to my grandmother. The weeks that followed were ... well, traumatic. I don’t know how else to put it. I’ve struggled with severe mental illness (depression and bipolar) since I was a child, so I don’t throw terms like crazy or insane around lightly. But I genuinely feel like I went insane for a few weeks. I have never felt or acted like that before. I felt like a reluctant passenger in my own brain while it piloted me around. My friends would call me to check in and I’d loudly declare I was doing fine, laugh, then dissolve into crying and hang up in the span of like 3 minutes. I wandered around the house for hours in a complete daze, occasionally stopping to sob so hard I couldn’t breathe. I impulsively gave away over 500 dollars the day I found out grandma went to the hospital because I had a desperate need to feel useful to someone. And that’s just a few things off the top of my head that stand out. It wasn’t a good Christmas, to say the least.
And now... everything is fine? I recovered from covid. So did grandma. Mom came home, and grandma is coming home tomorrow morning. She’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone is fine and the bad stuff is over
But I don’t feel fine. I feel worse, in a lot of ways. One of my worst breakdowns of my life happened AFTER gma and I were all clear for covid.
And now I’ve got people, one of them being my mother, asking me why I’m still upset. Why, when it’s all over now? Everything turned out okay. Nothing bad happened in the end. It’s over, and it was the best outcome it could have been, so I’m being questioned why IM not over it and doing fine
And......I don’t know. I don’t know if this is just the normal human response to going through something like what I did? It makes me so nervous that others don’t seem to understand what I mean when I say I’m still shell shocked from all the stress and horribleness. Should I really feel better now that it’s done? Is that how it’s supposed to work? If so, why do I feel so weird and bad still? At what point would PTSD be an accurate term?
Again, I have a therapist and doctors and I’m going to tell them about all of this and get their feedback. But I’d just really be comforted by someone’s opinion right now who has lived with PTSD. Thank you
|
ptsd
|
Is it possible, that high levels of autistic homelessness, can be attributed to a desire for fresh air?
If you live in a hotel, you can get professional cleaners, to clean the room once per day. You can either book the hotel on certain days, or even long term. But the assumption with hotels, is that most guests stay for one night, and thus, hotels have a once-a-day cleaning service.
I have autism. I also have anosmia. I have absolutely no sense of smell whatsoever.
I have since learned, that smells can accumulate in the air, in fabrics, from trash cans, from carpets, from clothes, from not having the window open.
There is something called hay fever, or grass, pollen allergy. If you open the window to make the room more fresh, you risk letting pollen into the room, and triggering your hay fever.
I have often had feelings or fears of, what if I am homeless, where would I live, or sometimes even a desire to be homeless, like, wouldn't this be cool? Or, this is a way to save money on rent.
But, what if the real reason for this, is simply due to the room being stuffy?
Autistic people often struggle, to clean their teeth, wash their clothes, shave their beard, have showers. Thus, cleaning a room, changing the bedsheets, vacuuming the floor, taking out the bin liners. This stuff is a much more difficult thing.
People with autism might even get lazy, and masturbate into their boxer shorts, and accumulate long-term smells, and ultimately they just need to throw out the boxer shorts and get new ones.
People with autism often neglect their teeth. I haven't confirmed this yet, but it seems surely very likely, that bad teeth, rotting teeth, would also smell bad.
In any event, homelessness is clearly not entirely caused by a desire for fresh air. Other issues are at play, such as, unemployment, difficulty in socially interacting. Many autistic people will be too scared to even phone up a landlord, or apply for a job, or even ask their relatives to house them. Autism can go with OCPD, which involves a refusal to delegate tasks to other people. Autistic people may well have been provoked at school, in domestic abuse, and hit somebody back, been jailed, and then struggled to find a job due to a criminal record. Often in society, the person who provokes you, gets away with it, and you get in trouble, if you retaliate. Ultimately, autistic people need to learn, this concept of "one-to-many", versus "many-to-one", and realise that if somebody wants to kill you, there are infinite ways to do it. If you don't want to get a job because one day you might get fired, well, there is no such thing as a guaranteed job. Only in North Korea. Only in slavery. Autistic people need to realise that certain medications may reduce the desire to be homeless, such as SSRI or stimulants. Some people even said stimulant medication would help people even without ADHD, and just pure autism. There is some evidence that autistic people don't do well on anti-depressants and SSRIs, and what they really need is stimulants. ADHD and autism have a lot in common, and scientists could barely detect any difference in the brain scans of ADHD versus autism.
I wrote about this a few months ago. But I really would pay attention to this concept. Humidity, stuffy room, even airborne allergens, as a sensory issue. Think about the atmosphere in the very room that you are sitting in, and could this be making you depressed?
|
aspergers
|
I’ve been completely straight my whole life until recently I started having some attraction to girls and I’m not scared of being bi, I’m scared of losing attraction to men and turning completely lesbian. I had this HOCD before and it really felt like I was losing attraction to men but now I can see it was anxiety because once I found out sexuality doesn’t change like that and I stopped worrying about losing attraction to men, the attraction came back. The HOCD went away for a bit and I knew I was straight, at the most slightly bi curious, and that was it. And my ocd moved onto other subjects like POCD
But my HOCD got retriggered today when I saw this comment of a girl who was bisexual since she was a kid, but then stopped having attraction to men completely and became a lesbian. I thought sexuality didn’t work like that but apparently it does and now I’m scared again.
|
OCD
|
my mom already suspects that i have anxiety, but i don’t know how to tell her i want to see a therapist. can any other people my age tell me how they went about asking their parents for this?
|
OCD
|
My mom is bipolar and is breaking me down every single day and trying to ruin me. I suffer from major depression disorder (yes its being treated) . I dont know what to do but I dont want to fall back again.
|
depression
|
Hi
Can anyone battling pure ocd talk to me in dms?
I just want to have some conversation.
Thanks!
|
OCD
|
What is your eating pattern? Come oooon, I know you have one lol. I’ll start:
I just found out this is a family thing but I love the number 3. I love most numbers that are divisible by 3. I must find a way to chop my food up into a number that is divisible by 3. If there’s sides I eat them systematically by three’s until everything is gone or even amounts for leftovers. I usually eat things in straight lines as well.
|
aspergers
|
I can feel it coming, advancing. That clouds that covers everything in grey.
The lack of energy, the increased fatigue.
The pointlessness of it all.
What do you do when you feel the depression beginning? Before it totally encompasses everything?
|
depression
|
Hello everyone :)
I’m female, 20. Psychiatrist recently told me I have ‘symptoms of ADHD’ and is letting me try Ritalin. I’ve been wanting to be able to focus more for college homework and driving. It’s the one that lasts 4 hours and im only on 5mg. I’ve been on it for two days so far (I know, not much). My heart rate is on the higher end of regular resting, 80-90, but even if I’m just walking it goes up to 115bpm. I’m not completely sure if it’s solely the Ritalin, as I have asthma, but it feels like more than before. My resting blood pressure is normal. I’ve also been anxious, jittery and tired. I think I’ve felt some depersonalization and brain fog, but it doesn’t detract from focus, just makes me feel weird once in a while. I’m inattentive subtype, but I almost feel more hyper on Ritalin. I do have BPD which has the symptom of dissociation/depersonalization, but it doesn’t feel the same.
I can definitely focus better, being able to read and write without having to do something else (watch a video, check my phone) every 5 minutes. I’m just wondering if these side effects will/should go away with continued use or if I should try something else. Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
Recently I was thinking about some of the struggles I had in school growing up, and I remembered how much anxiety I felt about tests and assignments. ESPECIALLY the ones where there were no written instructions and the teacher said "Do blah blah blah and then when you're finished blah blah blah. Okay start." Wait. What? What are we doing? How do I do it? What do I do with it when I'm done? Then you're all freaked out and don't do as well because you were daydreaming during the instructions.
What a nightmare. Did any of you experience this?
|
ADHD
|
As a starter some trigger warning, if you're sensitive to $viside or had troubles with it with any exes, again just a warning.
​
A couple of days ago my girlfriend found out that her sister and her (now) husband (then) boyfriend have been having sex since a very young age, and she told me that she thought it was messed up because her sister left him around that time for someone else. She said that he was really depressed and his mom didn't know what to do, I thought it was messed up too, then I started thinking as I tend to think and overthink until I bring myself to the floor, and I almost stopped feeling sorry for him. I mean, yeah I get it, but at least you got laid dude, and like for this long (they're in their mid-20s now), and who knows, maybe every single day almost since they started going out. My girlfriend and I have been going out for three years now, but I've had to wait for her to be ready to want me sexually and sometimes I feel she doesn't want me, I've talked and vented to friends and they sometimes they think she's cheating on me, or using me, or just doesn't like me sexually. I don't think she's cheating or using me, but as I said sometimes I feel like she doesn't like me sexually. When she told me about her sister and her boyfriend I started thinking about us and then everything I went through with my exes. When I was the age they were when they started having sex I was barely dating my first girlfriend, she was such a bad person. We only dated for a month, but she did so much in that month, she tried to catfish me online just to see if I'm cheating on her, and at the end of the relationship she made me think she had cheated on me (and I feel like she did at some point) the next one after her was depressed just like me and we would bring each other down and it wasn't pleasant, the last one before I met my now girlfriend threatened me that she was going to kill herself and put my name in her suicide note, being a kid and depressed that scarred me for life basically. so, while I was going through all that he was getting laid, and he got sad because she left him for someone else, she ended up coming back, but in my head, it doesn't compare, and I almost don't feel bad for him. I know I'm wrong, I know my thoughts are getting to me, but I can't shake them away. I know that we both went through struggles, but I don't know. I just feel like he got lucky compared to me. I'm being selfish, but they won't go away.
|
depression
|
When I was 11 I woke up on Thanksgiving to find my father had moved out. Didnt say anything before leaving. Didn’t say goodbye. We had been extremely close. 25 years later and I still struggle. I am now happily married, two wonderful children, and I still cannot get past it. Every year leading up to it, I think I will be fine, and then the night before I start getting panic attacks. Day of, I basically am in tunnel vision, barely talk to anyone, almost like I’m watching a movie. Just want to get through day. I honestly want to tell my husband to take my kids to the family Thanksgiving and leave me home. I really don’t want my kids to miss out on the day, and I honestly think I’d do better spending the day on my own, but dont want to upset my family. I feel like I should be “over it” but don’t think I ever will be. I’ve realized no one will really understand it bc they didn’t have to go through it themselves. Which i understand, but i just need this one day a year to allow myself to be vulnerable and not “altogether”
|
ptsd
|
This is a really long story and I am honestly afraid of telling it, but let’s go.
I have for a very long time been fascinated with ethnicity and race. The desire to discuss this has gotten me into some seriously scary situations in my life. As someone high on the Aspergers spectrum I have never really thought about the consequences, this includes not even connecting the dots from the past. It has taken me 7 years before realizing that I have been making racist remarks, and therefore I have been drinking other people’s piss, been served boogers, spit and other human fluids. There is so much more to the story, but I will give 2 examples.
I once went to Australia and stood at a coffee shop/restaurant, I proceeded to walk up to the front desk to buy a coffee. The first thing I see is this normal Asian guy and find he is Korean. So I ask him “when was the last time you went back home to Korea where you belong?” It is probably the Last 3 three words that triggered something, at the time I had no clue what was wrong, but he got pissed and someone behind me asked if she should call the police. The guy at the desk said no and forced me to sit down, so I did. I got served a croissant with a booger on top and a cop of coffee which I never even realized they had spit into. I would leave and they seemed intimidated by my presence. I never knew, I am easily manipulated and trust people too much. I will go into this shop a few times, and they will serve me literal shit without me realizing. What frightens me the most is that I don’t understand other people‘s feelings. These people in the cafeteria, or shop or whatever you call it in Australia, would then tell the hostel, which is right next to that I am a racist and they would write it into the system, something that followed me through my journey as I would stay at the same chain yha or something I believe it is called. I started out in Sydney, and Sydney and Brisbane were the places they treated me worst. In Brisbane they would write racist on a piece of paper and throw sand on my bed and force me to drink piss, because they were so tightly connected to the other branch in Sydney. There is so much more to this story as it followed me for so long, but let’s skip to the next one.
This, next, is a simple one. I have many stories, but I am afraid to be recognized.
I went to a yha hostel in Bondi Beach, and without knowing what was wrong I asked an Asian girl where she is actually from because she spoke Dutch. Everyone besides me told me to say sorry, because that was apparently racist to ask someone where they are from based on her very Chinese name. I was then told that I am a loser and should keep myself away from them. I had no clue, I love having discussions about language and cultures and race.
I could add so much more btw and I would love to discuss this. Hope people can understand. I don’t understand aggression. Be careful in Australia.
Sorry about my English, it needs some practice. I am not a native speaker.
|
aspergers
|
Maybe you’ve all read my posts but I injured my eye with a laser four years ago. Right around the same time I got diagnosed.
I know now why it even happened. I haven’t been able to relax in a room with myself since I was a kid because my mom would berate me for my autistic ways. Like I used to talk to myself all the time. But then I started feeling shameful about it because my mother said it made me sound like an R word.
So I stopped talking to myself. But boy that was a mistake. It’s fundamental to who I am. I’m a verbal thinker. I can’t think if I don’t say it.
Usually I’ve had friends around so I could offload some of my thoughts since I had stopped speaking to myself, but right around that time in 2017 I was losing friends left and right and I wound up spending way too much time alone. Well, too much time alone not talking to myself. And one fateful day in a mix of overconfidence, hyper fixating on whatever I was worried about at the time, I had my injury happen. I didn’t have the patience to read the instructions to a laser projector and i shot myself in the eye and left a scar.
A scar that when ever I’ve seen it since has sent an avalanche of feelings of shame and guilt down my gut which has of course severely distracted me. So much I was considering getting surgery and all sorts of things.
Now I realize I’ve just been berating myself in my head just like my mom would have for being a klutz. and the shame and guilt is why it’s been so distracting.
I’ve apparently felt shame and guilt no matter where I was, priming me and prompting me to do impulsive things from all the pent up emotion.
Now I talk to myself again and it’s a lot easier when you have an outlet for your thoughts. As soon as I lost the shame for speaking to myself, my dot in my eye seemed infinitely smaller and I immediately started reading a book. Something I didn’t think I could ever do again just a few days ago.
It’s important to talk to each other. But it’s also important to talk with yourself.
:)
|
aspergers
|
Does anyone else feel fear that is attached to all conscious beings?
Like you're constantly aware of the aggregate suffering in the world and you're afraid anyone might get hurt at any moment?
The woman who scanned your groceries this morning; you're afraid she might get hurt. She might get sick, or someone might hurt her.
There is a zebra grazing in the savannah, you're afraid a lion might hurt him.
That squirrel might get sick.
Every conscious being will get sick and die.
The fear and danger is just everywhere for everyone. Life is inherently bad. Life is suffering.
I can't see anyone living "normal", happy lives. Everyone feels pain, gets sick and dies, there is no normal for me to compare to. The entire entire world just seems insane.
|
ptsd
|
Yeah I know... this is very autistic lol.
But I find it still intetesting and somewhat strange, even from my own perspective. I could be learning something about my special interest and years later being able to recall the information. The vast majority of the topic would be incredibly easy to understand for me and I can connect it to everything else I learned previously about it and therefore create the big picture in form of a huge library in my brain.
Too bad not all of us can make a career or money out of their special interest.
The downside is the restriction about everything else. There's just such a strange learning resistance. Like I cannot and do not want to learn this stuff. I react emotionally. It bores the shit outta me. But it's not just boredom, it really is like a blockage. Like a carrot lol.
|
aspergers
|
There's this girl at this checkout at the grocery store. She's usually very bubbly and happy, but today, she looked very depressed. I kinda like her, and looking at her, trying to flirt with her but don't think she's interested. Then this other girl turns up. I am paranoid they are talking about me. I can hear them talking but i cant make out what they are saying. i am not disliked in my village, but i dont make the effort to socialise. and yes i do have aspergers syndrome, but i was wandering if she did. i dont know,
|
aspergers
|
Recently I've talking to my counsellor about how I don't really remember my childhood, but instead constructed my whole childhood based on stories told by my family members. My partner remembers lots of things about hers, so I was wondering if this is ADHD related, although my parents were sort of neglecting and abusive, so I don't know if it's a combination of everything
EDIT: Thank you all for your replies! I didn't know it was going to reach that many people. I'm sad to find out most of our parents were abusive 🙁
|
ADHD
|
Mine is. Every day feels longer than it should. Two days go by but it feels like it's been a month. It is kinda embarrassing sometimes because I'm like "man, I'm so proud of myself for not acting on my thoughts for awhile" and then I look at my posts and see it's only been 3 days or something. Anyone else deal with this?
|
OCD
|
I just wanted to let people know that I’ve been doing EMDR for a few months, and I have a long history of trauma. If anyone has been hesitant to do it, here’s why I started, and I hope it helps.
When I was 4, my grandma’s boyfriend at the time molested me. I was never able to forget it. I could always see his face, and remember what happened. I don’t remember what happened after I told my mom.
When my dad got back from prison, he was on drugs, and he would verbally abuse my mom, and throw things across the house. One time when I was 8, I grabbed a hanger out of his closet and accidentally dropped some of his clothes, and pushed it into the corner of the closet. When he saw it, he rushed into my room and tore all the drawers apart, and completely destroyed my room.
My mom cheated on my dad, and I got to witness him slashing her tires so she couldn’t leave, sleeping in front of their bedroom door, and calling her names.
At 16 y/o my brother got me so intoxicated, I couldn’t keep my head up. He and his friend pushed themselves on me, and I had to see him at every family function, every time he went to my parents house. I didn’t tel my mom until I was 20. I’m 21 now.
My best friend of 12 years knew about my brother, and told everyone in our friend group that it was consensual, and that I chose to let him do it. Because of that, I was bullied throughout high school. One time I was called a “incential pig” (or however you spell it).
My first two session with my EMDR therapist, I was able to get through the first trauma with my grandmas boyfriend, and now I can’t even pull up the emotions from the memory.
Now, we’re working on the thing with my brother, and I’m able to start thinking about forgiveness, and acceptance.
I have never in my life thought that I would get this far in recovering from these traumas, and I’m able to co-exist with my brother without feeling uneasy. I’m still uncomfortable, but it’s tolerable.
Please know that with EMDR, it has a high success rate. And if you have ever thought about doing it, but was unsure about it, do research and find a therapist you’re comfortable with. My therapist made sure I had a safe place I could go to in case of flashbacks, or triggers that caused panic attacks.
It’s been 100% worth it, and I hope this post gives someone the courage to try it.
Thanks for reading! <3
|
ptsd
|
my wife says I sound angry and that I’m always yelling at her. sometimes I feel anxious, frustrated, or rushed. I think this sometimes comes out appearing as anger. what can I do?
|
aspergers
|
a couple of hours ago i took 2 30mg Vyvanse pills, im not sure if its working i took it at 11am now its 1:30pm the first thing is im not getting any side effects, my heart isnt beating any faster its at normal BPM, and i dont feel any different i just feel normal and like i havent taken any drugs at all. Is this supposed to happen when i take Vyvanse am i not supposed to feel anything not even the side effects?
Also how does Vyvanse affect you guys when you take it or start to feel it? it would really help me to know what others experience when taking these drugs, it helps more than you know
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone dealt with what seems like it could be adult separation anxiety? I get extremely anxious when I'm separated from my children or even when I can't see them (if they are outside playing in a spot I can't see them) I get anxious when it's time for school pick up incase they won't be there. It is so hard to enjoy life because I'm so afraid and it's exhausting. I don't really like bringing them places because I know I'll be so anxious and having to watch them so closely. I don't like leaving them for me to go places. When we are home I feel like I want to see them and watch them so closely. They are older children (9&12) it's so exhausting and I'm so afraid every day. I'm anxious in situations where it doesn't make sense for me to be so afraid. I could also see how it could possibly be ocd even though the anxiety doesn't feel quite the same. Has anyone dealt with this and got better? Can anyone help?
|
OCD
|
I (17F) have just been diagnosed with ADHD about two weeks ago. I'm not on any medication or taking part in ADHD specific therapies. I am on my last year of high school with coasting grades, but this semester my progress reports have been better than ever. Until, now I guess. I'm at risk of getting a level 1 (53-56%) on an English university level course essay, the thing is I can't help but not care/be motivated enough to do what my teacher says will give me a better grade. I just want it to be over with, but I'm feeling guilty because I promised my brother that we would go to the same university, but I'm having second thoughts. If I can't find the willpower to do a stupid English essay, how will I be able to do actual university assignments? Academics has never been my thing, but I feel like I'll let my family down if I don't go, even though I don't really want to. I could end up going into a trades job, but what if I hate that and end up going through life resenting myself because that's what I chose to do, instead of something else? I think I'm starting to spiral, and I'm probably just blowing this out of proportion, but its kind of scary I guess. Also, sorry if none of this made sense, if you cannot tell I am very anxious about what I am to do after high school lol.
|
ADHD
|
Hello.
My OCD therapist requested I complete an evaluation with the local hospital for their OCD residential program however the hospital wants nothing to do with me (I was in their mental health residential end of last year). Their recommendation is to continue in outpatient (my therapist recommended residential because I’m not toileting or leaving the house). Honestly, I didn’t want to go back to residential but I also understand that my OCD has gotten worse and I understand why my therapist wanted me back there. So I'm actually kind of bummed out about it.
I feel like no one really wants to deal with me anymore. Maybe I'm a lost cause. My sister-in-law kinda blew me off and said to join a support group where they'll understand my issues better. I think she was just trying to give advice but it did feel kinda dismissive. My best friend hasn’t spoken to me in weeks.
I honestly think my therapist is tired of me too. I don't know how long he usually sees people but I've been with him for 3 years now... maybe I'm messing up his success rate. Or maybe it's money. Or maybe he's just sick of me like everyone else is.
I just feel like... a burden and a bother to everyone.
I think I’m gonna quit therapy. I’ll get off of his back and I’ll just...live life with OCD. idk. I’m not in a good place right now and my brain is telling me “SELF-DESTRUCT”; “SELF-SABOTAGE”... I really want to beat OCD, I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to be stuck in my house. I don’t want these contamination fears. Or these intrusive harm thoughts.
But again. I’m afraid that I’m such an annoying bitch that everyone is sick of and they just want to be rid of me.
Oh and I tried talking to my dad today about what’s been going on in regards to the OCD. He asked why I was telling him this and what does that mean for him. Sigh.
|
OCD
|
I’m so relieved knowing that what I’m experiencing isn’t just me. I always just thought having thoughts of murdering people or people dying or having the first thought when I see a girl is sexual or having somewhat simple mistakes come up and them making me an anxious wreck and irritated if I can’t fix it how it needs done. I feel so guilty about this because I wouldn’t ever do anything to someone else yet I have the thoughts and they feel so real and terrifying. I just thought I’d share.
|
OCD
|
I really wish I understood because everyone seems to silently agree that laughing at other's misery is not only normal but expected. So many people say to me "you have to watch this video, it's so funny!" and I get to watch somebody getting seriously injured, humiliated, making a mistake or just getting screwed over by chance. And that's the "joke". That's it.
I get it if it's funny because the situation is ridiculous or improbable. But I can't turn my empathy off. Just watching something bad happen to someone else is not funny to me by itself. And even if the majority opinion is the opposite, it is an objectively weird and uncomfortable phenomenon made more uncomfortable by the fact that no one acknowledges it.
|
depression
|
So i THINK, that i have depression, but i'm not really sure. (I apologize for any mistake i make, i'm not a native speaker and my head is all over the place right now)
So to understand my situation we need to go 7 years back in time. 2014 i was in highschool back then (15 yo), I had my first panic attack, i rushed to the nurse, she examined me and told me that everything was fine. The attacks became regular and me and my parents thought that it was some kind of heart disease (like anyone else at first). I was examined by a dozens of doctors, but they didn't found anything either. I was devastated, so in my last moments of hope, i tried to look up my symptons online. That was the first time when i saw the word "anxiety" written down in this context, as a disease. And something happened. It seems like, that my willpower was so strong back then, that i was like "Oh so it's all in my head, then it's nothing"
And they stopped, i was able to make it stop, just like that.
Fast forward to 2021, i got Covid in March, it wasn't pleasent but i managed through it with minor/mild symptoms. I was fine...for a while. In April it caught my attention that i can't breath properly. I thought that Covid fucked up my lungs, so i went to the doctor...and again...nothing. My fucking anxiety is back, and it's stronger than ever. Since May i can't go out with friends cause if i have to go anywhere i'm instantly having a panic attack. I can go to work but that's about it. I somehow managed to go out sometimes, but since September it's just straight up bad. I'm so fucking tired all the time, my head hurts, i'm dizzy, i can't concentrate. I dont feel like myself too, like i'm watching myself or something, my memories are fading, i mean i can remember them, but it feels like a different persons memories, am i disconnecting from reality ? I overthink every little thing, like hows this gonna affect my life and THIS is what makes me so depressed, it feels like i can't take it anymore. I'm phisically tired all the time and sometimes can't breath properly.
Is this an anxiety disorder, schizophrenia, major depression, or all of them and one is a root cause to the others.
I just wanna sleep, or better yet, be myself again, because honestly, this is not a life worth living.
Thanks for reading, i hope you are feeling better than me, stranger
|
depression
|
I’m not someone who is open irl about my trauma at all. And I like to think that I am poised and dignified when talking about it to the people who are aware of a fraction of what happened ( mostly through the fact that it was a pretty known/ public scandal not because I told them per se ) but FUCK. Sometimes I want people to be a little compassionate. I want people to worry about triggering me just a little, for them not to be so brazen about certain things. I want people to ask me if I’m ok- just once in a while. A little validation, a little pride in that I’m so young and I went through something that altered structure of my brain to the point of trying to kill myself and yet I’m still in your fucking party bringing sugared pound cake.
I know that I should be proud and that should be enough and I’m ashamed to feel this but sometimes I want people to coddle me just a little. :(
|
ptsd
|
I had a huge fight with my partner and without unloading all the nitty details it came back to the fact we've been having the same conversation/argument for 2 years that is around me seeking help from a psychologist. Before it was just generally about anxieties/motivation etc but in the last year since I thought I might have adhd its shifted towards getting a diagnosis.
I feel ridiculous explaining why it feels so difficult to progress or do anything that shows I can be committed to something because I know Ive said it before to no effect. She wants to be supportive but has no energy when it looks like I dont care about getting help and as an extention our future together. I just froze like an idiot unable to express my love because all I could think is if I was any kind of decent human and cared about her, I would have been more organised. We finished on ok terms but its like only now after such an emotional explosion that I have the will to do something but its a saturday so I cant get a bloodtest (which my GP asked for before he'd write a referral) until monday and Im so scared that if I dont demonstrate some kind of effort its all just going to go back to what its been but im just at a loss as to what to do.
Im on the verge of a panic attack expecting that when I get home after this walk she will be packed and leaving me which I know isnt true but im so scared that thats what will happen if I can show or say something that proves how I feel and what I want but cant seem to do
|
ADHD
|
I'm in constant mental anguish and heart feels like it hurts not physically though. However my body feels fine I've been working out everyday have energy to do my work but my mental state is not there it's been almost a week it feels like a bitter sweet hell. I deserve pain even when I'm getting better.
|
depression
|
I’m loud at night as I check closet doors and locks, I clean at 3 AM, I ask for reassurance to see if they hate me, I exhaust them with my thoughts.
I’m really, really wanting to be a good roommate to them and not be their nightmare for a year. I have known both of them for years as best friends, but now that we’ve moved in together it’s harder to explain what I’m doing.
How can I be a good roommate to them with OCD?
|
OCD
|
is anyone else recovering from this and just had a realisation that we spent so long on these thoughts, we wasted a big chunk of life trying to figure these out and trying to stop them? today was one of the first amazing days I’ve had in a long time but i went around this park and the weather was lovely but it gave me a flashback to this time last year when none of this happened and I’ve just been feeling really sad since, today was amazing but i remember my life before ocd and all these intrusive thoughts, it’s horrible anxiety, and just remembered how happy i was, i just wish i didn’t spend so long worrying about these and my anxiety and i self sabotaged one of my own relationships due to this, i look back and think what a wonderful relationship we could have had, I would have been so in love but he broke up with me and I’ve moved on kinda but, im just feeling down and disappointed in my self for letting these thoughts get to me, i hope my life will go back to how it was before and please don’t say “it probably won’t go back to how it was before” even if it’s true , i just don’t need to hear it right now, this has been so traumatic for me
|
OCD
|
It’s like every time I sit dow I get this weird gut feeling that this is not a thing that I should be doing so I fidget and tap my feet and squirm and stuff but it never goes away. Can some people relate cause pretty much everyone I know can sit still for hours? And so when I’m in school it’s like I have to get up every 20 or so minutes or else I zone out and miss everything.
Side note I also sit in the back of the classroom as punishment for not paying attention it’s like everything is meant to disadvantage adhd kids.
|
ADHD
|
i am diagnosed with adhd and it rly affects my day to day life. my parents refuse to let me get medicated and i understand why they are against it, but it rly makes me struggle. nothing convinces them, so i gave up on trying. but this is so frustrating. i want to study and do my homework but i cant focus on anything. i try again and again but i just cant do it. i love learning new stuff and i‘d love to be studying a lot, but i just cant seem to be able to. if anyone has a tip on what has helped them or what could help me id rly appreciate it :,)
|
ADHD
|
As many probably know from previous posts, I am a 27 year old electrician apprentice with aspergers working on construction sites. I have a sensitivity to loud noises to the point of almost having meltdowns . What can I do about the noise? I have tried earplugs and ear defenders and they don't work for me as the noise is so frequent and sharp that hearing protection doesn't do much.
I've tried music with and without headphones and was told by the site super that music is not allowed on the site.
Any recommendations for hearing protection have to be able to fit over top of a hard hat. In ear is a no go as I can't stand the blocked ear feeling get and the subsequent headache.
|
aspergers
|
Does anyone else have a problem with excessively blowing their nose?
I have this dumb compulsion that somethings is in there and is going to make me sick and crawl to my brain.
I get scared if it tickles or something.
I get scared if water goes up it.
And so I excessively blow my nose and tell myself I am clearing it of contaminants.
At night time it’s gets worse and it feels like my left nostril gets closed up.
I am worried that it may be affecting my sinuses negatively as I keep getting headaches in my forehead.
Does anyone have any experience with this and how to work through it?
Thanks
|
OCD
|
Hey all,
Close to a year ago, I underwent a traumatic experience wherein I had a weapon held to my neck and was threatened with death. I cannot afford “real” therapy, and I have no people I can safely talk to about it due to potential repercussions (I am not in danger), but I have been doing okay with online resources. I have very easily identified my “triggers” and do a good job or removing myself from situations where they exist, and I have yet to have a legitimate, public panic attack or shutdown.
However, I am approaching the “one year” anniversary of this traumatic event. I find myself ruminating more and more, but most of all, I am finding myself to display more and more symptoms of major depressive disorder. I am constantly tired, constantly on edge, no appetite, lost all interest in my normal hobbies, and am starting to have my performance decline in classes. Has anyone else experienced this in relation to approaching an anniversary? How has depression mirrored your traumatic experiences?
|
ptsd
|
Has anyone taken sertraline? If so, did you experience side effects? I recently got prescribed sertraline and am nervous to start taking it. Like it is for most, December is quite a busy month for me and I don't want to risk having any major side effects. I had a bad month last month which is why I asked my doctor to start medication but in the past week I've felt fine. I've never taken anti depressants before. I discussed possible side effects with my doctor but would like to know if anyone has first hand experience. Thank you.
|
ptsd
|
So last night someone in my family died, I wasn't close to them at all last time I talked to them was when I was 8 or 9, I feel sad for the family that was closer to her. Anyway I get anxious and ruminations when I read or hear about death in general.
This morning, when I woke up with morning wood I wanted to touch myself but then the ruminations started kicking back in and I kept getting anxious, masterbation is one of my compulsions aswell, I'm trying nofap to get rid of that compulsion, I held off for 3ish hours before I gave into the compulsion, but the ruminations were still there even though I wasn't thinking about the person or situation, and trying to get rid of the thoughts as well.
Ruminations fucking suck cause afterwards I felt calm till the intrusive thoughts came in telling me I was a monster for jerking off while knowing someone died. I didnt even want to either.
Anyway hopefully everyone has a good day
|
OCD
|
So obviously because of said NDA I can't go into detail. But that's the point. I got my PTSD through my old job, but they had us sign NDA's, and since it's "a trade secret", the NDA will never expire.
Obviously, medical professionals and therapists/councillors trump the NDA, but apart from that I can't even tell my family about the details. They know roughly what caused it, but they are far from getting the full picture. One of my best friends worked with me at the job, so she knows the extent of it; and another close friend also knows roughly about it, but no details.
Those to friends a very supportive, but it can feel very lonely at times. It's not that I would want to tell people necessarily, but not even having the choice to decide really sucks.
|
ptsd
|
But like you feel that you might’ve raped someone before or sexually been inappropriate towards them but you aren’t sure if you actually did that or if you were just paranoid I’m talking about events that actually happened like immediately after or during the event
|
OCD
|
So I have Pure-O and my compulsions are all completely mental. Though some are external like sometimes seeking reassurance from my partner.
What I do to stop my thoughts now though is saying "STOP" internally whenever I find myself starting to ruminate and veer off from what I'm doing.
And sometimes (actually most if not all times) I also remind myself to 1. Lower my guard (meaning I need to relax my shoulder and let myself feel vulnerable and feel the anxiety and stop denying or arguing it) 2. Stop Stopping (A reminder to keep myself from wandering in my mind and keep doing what I'm doing externally) 3. Stop Self-Coaching (Which is to stop thinking to myself and reminding myself what to do... uhhh which is ironic in and off itself).
I've been feeling better now but I'm not sure if I need to cut out this habit as well cause it might be reinforcing my OCD as well? My psych said though that if it's meant to remind myself to not ruminate then it's okay as it's not a compulsion. Although I think the line between compulsion and reminding one self to not ruminate is very thin.
What do you guys think?
|
OCD
|
I went to the emergency room this morning by ambulance because I thought I was having some cardiac issues.
Nope. Just an anxiety attack.
I don't know how to deal with this anymore.
|
ptsd
|
I was sexually assaulted, by the older, heavy, brother of my childhood best friends, off and on for about 3 years. I was unable to talk about this.. hell I didn't even really remember it until 4 years ago.
In the middle of that, my father passed away when I was 9. I was not allowed to grieve or even talk about him. We became financially and food insecure.
My mother was sometimes emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive, and often overly critical. She did not handle either of these situations-- or rather she did not handle the emotions and behaviors born from these experiences as well as they could have been handled. She developed PTSD as a child, and didn't understand that she did until after I convinced her to talk to someone just as I began therapy. She was unhappy person and struggling with her own demons. I can hardly be upset with her about any of it now.
I have a sibling who is disabled and lives with our mom (including while I was growing up). And another who is BPD, usually unmedicated and refuses therapy and I remember vividly their wrath from when I was a child (thankfully these were battles our mom did protect me in. and I am grateful).
I have now grown into an adult with intimacy issue. I am particularly fear stricken in intimate/sexual situations with heavier people.
^(--I would like to comment here that I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong or bad about a person because of their weight. Trauma has unfortunately wired my brain to needlessly FTFO in specific situation.)
My partner of 6 years has struggled with anxiety and depression beginning in their childhood thanks to traumas of their own. 3 years ago they were admitted into an eating disorder program which they had to quit after a lengthy battle to get it covered and then being dropped from their parents insurance. My partners anxiety has risen, depression grown heavier, and weight ballooned since leaving the program. Maybe this was the trajectory they were on. Maybe things are so bad because they'd began to crack open some issue only to have the ladder ripped from under them and they would have been better off not starting in the first place. We'll never know.
Thing are only getting worse since stay at home orders have been issued. Their sleep schedule has shifted later by nearly 6 hours. Motivations is completely shot-- they were jobless before pandemic, but now they don't even take the dog out for walks, do even their own laundry or basic clean up after themselves. And despite my grocery store runs and over stocking the pantry in case there is a full on lock down, there isn't much to show for it because they've started binging worse than they have before.
​
And I'm at a lose for how to move forward.
|
ptsd
|
I recently had my ankle broken at work a couple of months back. I love sports and especially playing tennis. I'm so sad now because Idk if I will be able to play competitively again. I didn't play in leagues outside of high-school but I would play relatives and friends competitively. On top of that I was recently let go unexpectedly from my job. Because of my fracture, it also makes it hard to find a new job because I can't lift more than 20lbs. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just drink constantly and have no idea what time of the day it is when I wake up. I will NEVER commit suicide but sometimes I wish I weren't alive.
|
depression
|
Hey! I basically hate the way I look, I also have an agraveted psychotic disorder and, hallucinations and adhd really makes excercising something ultra difficult. I really like working out because of the boost of dopamine and idk validation I feel after doing it, but I can't mantain a long term routine :( please help me with some tips for working out and sticking in into a routine
|
ADHD
|
Does anybody have this? It's stupid I know but I feel an urge to check if I skipped a page, to the point it's ruining my love of reading. The worst part is I don't even know what is ritual and what isn't anymore. Does a person normally just flip the page without checking the page number and rubbing the finger against the page to check if they got two instead? Whatever I do just feels unnatural, but I tried to stop all these and got extreme anxiety (I know, lame).
|
OCD
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.