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For me, I despise reading books/online books/stories, or anything with long walls of texts. Which is ironic as I write stories very often- and even then I can't even read my own posted works without getting annoyed or zoning out/getting a headache(even with glasses).
It takes me up to an hour to read even one chapter of anything, even if it's less than 2000 words.
Bullet points in books(educational/psychology ones, really) and articles, on the other hand, are great.
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ADHD
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I finally recently cut off these friendships because they were kind of shallow,.. I mean how intimate can a friendship be when the other person just goes from one topic to another topic without even desiring any input from me… they’re fine just marveling at their own various stories.
The thing is that I totally see myself in them. I get exactly what they’re doing and it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me.
I’m worried that I’m this annoying too!
Except for one thing: the worst part is that both of these people never shut up so it’s hard to have a conversation with them. But I’m pretty sure I at least don’t do that because one of my obsessions has always been learning about other people. What makes them tick. What their issues are. So that at least keeps the focus of my conversations on the other person. Also people always tell me I’m a great listener. So I hope that means that I don’t share with them the characteristic of motormouthing ad nauseum without input from the other person, but it’s hard to know how I come across.
Anyone else get annoyed by other ADHD people?
Maybe it’s that we’re best with someone who **compliments** us, vs someone similar to us. Maybe 2 adhd people together is just too much? Or are we all super annoying & oblivious?
Anyone?
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ADHD
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(tw: psychological abuse)
This might sound weird or it won't I honestly don't know anymore 😅
I keep "forgetting" that I'm traumatized as in subconsciously convince myself everything was fine and the abuser was right that I'm sick and the trauma denial delusion is "reality". I basically relapse and get re-brainwashed and it discredits the work I've done and causes a lot of pain because I basically end up experiencing all the somatic symptoms and without the memories to validate the pain.... I always convince myself that I must the problem/am the crazy one until I stumble upon a letter from myself not to forget what really happened or reread my journals and figure it out all again.🤯 its 3 times over the past five years and with school/moving, thats a new therapist/state
It's exhausting & hurts evens worse each time... the amount of times I've struggled to understand why the world feels like a masochistic version of wonderland only to find out it basically is... then my while painfully dissociated and confused but almost functioning life fall apart and when I inevitably struggle in light the necessary to know truth than my brain like uses the struggle as "evidence" that the abusers were correct and it traps me again...
Does this happen to anyone else?? If so, how do you avoid getting sucked back into the manipulation?
thanks!
(idk if this is necessary but my ddx is from chronic psychological manipulation & abuse, CEN, chronic sexual harassment, sexual assault, medical malpractice, & mTBI)
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ptsd
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There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I tried everything and i am tired to fight back. I can't end my life and i can't live in dignity either. I am dead inside. I am like a zombie. I wish this was just a nightmare and i could wake up. Things stay the same or get worse, never better, for me. I am tired of this "life". I wish i was never born. Why being born to just suffer.
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depression
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Ok not really, my stock portfolio is tiny...but wow, what a world has opened up to me.
I truly really enjoy learning about stocks. It’s rapidly becoming my new special interest.
Please don’t be offended by people on WSB calling each other autists, it’s a compliment. Yes I know we aren’t all little computers (I for sure as hell am not) but we do have an undeniable edge...we’re competitive, see the big picture (especially those of us who also have dyslexia), can handle theory fairy well and can dive deep into terminology. It’s really just well-informed gambling imho.
Anyways, maybe I’m just riding the wave of the excitement of a new interest but damn it feels good! Just wanted to encourage you all to wander over there if the mood strikes.
Also, please leave politics behind. They may also use the r word but again, please don’t be offended, it’s in a different sense than a deragatory term. Again, it’s kinda like a compliment and a way to deflect any idea that they are financial advisors or are manipulating the market.
So that’s all. Have a lovely day and be kind to yourself and others.
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aspergers
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It'll surely pop back up later in my life, but for now, it's manageable. It's kept me in and out of hospitals throughout high-school and college, destroyed nearly all my aspirations, shut out every single one of the people around me, collaborated with several other mental disorders, and nearly cost me my life several times. But it's ok right now. No matter how consuming and painful it gets, it can get better. You've got this. See ya for now ✌
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OCD
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I’ve been feeling down lately not doing anything, mostly just being in bed letting time go by after coming home from school. I’ve got a test tomorrow but I’m faking being sick since I’m not ready for it and it’s crushing me since I don’t usually do this. And I’m almost crying every night just because I feel like life doesn’t matter anymore and it’s just the same day everyday just happening on repeat. I don’t get any sleep anymore and if I do it’s because I fall asleep on the phone.
I got nothing to look forward for, and I’ve been not hurting myself for real but using my fan to make some marks on my hand. I’m lost and don’t know what to do anymore. (Thanks for reading if you did, just had to get it off my chest)
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depression
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It was to simply act excited to see them. Only thing is, I don't think that will work if I do it. I know it works on me, but I just feel people will hate it if I do it so I only do it if they start it. I think me and many people are in a negative feedback loop but it's not on me to correct it and they don't realize it or if they do, care to correct it. I say it's not on me because I don't have the social status they do, if I try and get it wrong, I could creep them out. I could be wrong as I'm pretty much always wrong it seems.
Idk, is it worth trying?
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aspergers
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If brain structures were altered during the onset of PTSD, then should treatment include rehabilitation of those parts of the brain that changed as well as meds, exposure, EMDR, etc.?
You do not just set a bone. You build up muscle, etc. to use it again.
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ptsd
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So it's late at night and I'm listing to music right now and I just realized I can't even finish a song without skipping halfway through. And then when I think about it it's the same thing for tv series, books and even games I play. I haven't finished a game in at least 2 years now and I play a lot of games. Same for tv shows except for some sitcoms. Anyway does anyone else do this same thing? I genuinely do want to finish these things because I enjoy them but my attention span just doesn't work like that. Any tips or help on how do get things done that I've started would be appreciated.
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ADHD
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I have to admit I haven’t seen the term “false memory” used in relation to OCD hardly at all, and certainly not as frequently as it’s been used in this sub for a year or so. It seems like there’s at least one “false memory” post per day here.
As far as I know “false memories,” as I’ve seen them described here, are just intrusive thoughts, probably related to harm OCD.
I’m curious as to why the term “false memories” as opposed to “intrusive thoughts” is gaining popularity in this sub, or if I am just ignorant and this has always been a common term.
I’ve never heard a therapist or psychiatrist use the term “false memories” with me (even though I experience the same intrusive thoughts others here are describing as false memories), nor does it seem to appear in the popular online OCD resources. A super quick internet search didn’t show much in the way of false memories in OCD scholarship.
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OCD
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While dealing with such intense ocd lately I havent felt like myself at all. I feel like a completely different person and almost like I’ve gone insane. I hate it so much:(
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OCD
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Have you guys one point try to use accommodating techniques taught by autistic intuitions to people with nts? It's seems that nts don't response the same way as we do. We are thankful for people that accommodate for us, while nts have a habit of taking advantage of it.
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aspergers
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I finally made the appointment to get tested for ADHD! But….. I have to fill out this questionnaire with like 500 questions and 40 fill in the blank sentence prompt things… some of the prompts are weird… like “when I look at my body I….”, “my father usually….” Or “putting me in charge would…” I don’t know, but I was trying to write the sentences I got anxious and was worried I was filling it out wrong even tho it’s literally my feelings I’m writing down, it can’t be wrong. I have like a month to fill it out, though the office wants it “as soon as possible.”
I also have to have someone I know fill out another separate questionnaire with like 100 questions. It just seems like a lot of work and I’m already worried about the result and coming out of this without a diagnosis…
Edit: word
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ADHD
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So I have ADHD, and I run an earring business. I didn’t find much success on Etsy, because I haven’t put in the hours, but I have found more success selling to galleries and locals through Instagram and Facebook. But I’m SOOOOO inconsistent. I give up and don’t work on my earrings or business even though it’s an excellent source of income for me. I’m constantly behind when I promise to add inventory to my client galleries. My posts on social are far and few between. But every time I post I have interested buyers. There is a lot of interest with my earrings and I could be making bank at the million craft markets/farmers markets where I live. But I physically, mentally, and emotionally can’t put in the time. Why?! I hate this. Even the fact I take meds everyday doesn’t help. I think about it every single day, how I want to get proactive with my earrings. But I’m paralyzed. Help. I just want to be successful with my own business 😭
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ADHD
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Basically I have early childhood trauma, I was raised by narcissists, and I have adhd. I'm working really hard on healing from my past and building a new, healthy life for myself. Part of that for me is journaling a lot, writing out memories, figuring out where to set boundaries with toxic family members.
It does get really confusing though, because these issues overlap a lot. Like toxic parenting, early trauma, and adhd can all contribute to anxious attachment styles, low self worth, and other emotional problems.
Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this kind of intersectional mental illness ❤️ thanks to anyone who sees this.
Edit: a big one that I forgot was my memories from childhood. Basically I have very few clear ones, and I can never tell if that's a trauma thing or an adhd thing.
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ADHD
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When I’m at work and my boss asks if I’ll be done with a project by a certain time or that it needs to be done, I have so much anxiety that I’m ready to scream and cry all at the same time. It just builds and builds as time passes & if I get caught on a problem I can’t seem to find a solution for, it feels like every muscle in my body is twisting. I fantasize about jumping around and shaking my whole body to release it but can’t because obviously I’m at work….Pristiq did not help this feeling ….Has anyone else with ADHD experienced this ??
Only thing that helps is blasting Eminem or music with heavy bass …but it just takes the edge off
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ADHD
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I’ll be reading a book and feel I’ve attained the required information to move onto the next page, or clicking through Wikipedia or even Facebook or Reddit posts and feel I can move on due to lack of interest, and then I’ll get this sense that I need to reread and try to memorize the information, or learn as much as I can quickly.
Because what if I somehow end up trapped in a tortuous eternal existence in a dark room, placed there by some powerful being, who will only allow me to escape if I can recite every word of some book, or every text I ever sent, or every reply to a tweet? And what if they only give me 3 guesses? Would I spend 100 years trying to rack my brain before making my first attempt?
Other scenarios include that I’ll only be released once I create the greatest song or novel in history. How long would I be stuck there?
The doctor says it sounds like some combination of catastrophic and magical thinking, so I was wondering if other people experienced anything similar.
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OCD
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When you ask someone if the items you just lined up are even… or what ever you might be trying to get right…
And they say it looks fine or yeah it’s even … does it satisfy you? Or do you have to keep asking?
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OCD
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Even video games. I’m shit as sports, school, and a everything else. This isn’t an exaggeration, I am not good at anything. Everyone always puts me down despite me helping them etc. I just fucking can’t do this anymore.
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depression
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I’ll keep this post short and quick but if you are susceptible to triggers, I advise that you do not read.
​
it all started a month ago, i have been locked in my house for the past year and a half due to quarantine and living with someone who is super at risk. For the past year and a half I have been fighting a porn addiction / cam-ing addiction due to reasons which has made me feel icky. About a month ago however, I started convincing myself that I was hyper-sexual or has a high libido and that I didn’t stand a fighting chance at combating this without having SSRI’s. about a month ago (may 17th ish) I relapsed to some anime art. I started questioning whether the art was under aged or not. Then it began. I become mortified with the idea that I was attracted to under age people. i had everything from groinal response to being triggered by even children on a tv program. However after a while this slowly went away and into the back of my mind. Perhaps after constantly convincing myself it was dumb. Then... the harm kicked in, the idea that I could harm my family fucked me up so much. The only way to soothe me was through suicidal ideation or constant researching of whether I am a psychopath or not.
a lot of reddit searching and a few obsessions later this is where I am at.
​
harm ocd (harming myself or my family)
fear of being psychotic / delusional (forcing myself into divisions / doubting things r real even though I know they are)
obsession with blinking
worry I’ll end up in a mental home for insane people
sucidal ideation
​
and I through all of these fears within the space of an hour, with the recent one being fear of eating meat in case I don’t like it because I am a cannibal. My brain hasn’t had a minutes rests for the past 3 weeks and I try to avoid triggers but how tf am I able to juggle all of these things at once. I worry that I will genuineLyn lose my shit. Sometimes I feel calm enough to tackle it and other times I decide that suicide is the only option. The only thing that soothes me is going to bed at the end Of the day. So just to let you know if one trigger is bad I got as many as I can count on my hand.
​
hehehe fuck
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OCD
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Hey guys. Have had OCD my entire life and would love to join a support group. However, i live in rural georgia and the options are nonexistent.
I did find this website? https://obsessivecompulsiveanonymous.org/?q=node/1
Anyone joined this group? The bible references and prayer encouragement threw me off a lil, as part of my obsessions as a child were religious in nature.
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OCD
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I have long sought treatment for depression as the reason for what I can only describe as exhaustion caused by anxiety. It can sometimes seem like a direct result of a stressful day or week, but other times it seems like there is no cause. I don't have the high-highs that might come with manic behavior, but there are strings of days where all I want is to sleep. I'm a very active person and try to keep in shape by running, cycling, etc, and these practices help me keep a sense of well-being. The tired episodes prevent me from exercising and I know that if I push myself to run anyway, it will just make it worse. It's like a debt that I create, which has to be repaid with sleep. The last three days I've slept a full 8 hours, worked 8, napped for two hours, eaten dinner, then have gone back to bed. I take an anti-anxiety medication, which I guess evens me out, but I'm beginning to doubt that my symptoms are caused by GAD. As I said, the exhaustion doesn't always seem to be caused by stress. I can be having a fairly normal week, but still crash and burn. Anyone here have this?
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aspergers
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WHO AM I?
Husband and I both have ADHD (I was the rare girl who was diagnosed as a kid many decades ago, husband diagnosed a year after meeting me)
We both work more than full-time jobs, and I have a business with employees I have to manage.
WHATS THE PROBLEM?
We have two kids under 5.
The idea of adding on school spirit days and dress up day. I'm so afraid of last minute school projects that I have to scramble to help my kid accomplish, not to mention the disruption my own last minute work (it pays bills!) My own mother's help and organization were essential.
HELP US!
MY ASK!
How do we manage juggling all the stuff and the places and the things?! (With covid activities were cancelled for a long time and we haven't had to do this kind of thing before!)
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ADHD
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I've been with bad, toxic friend before and really influenced me to go the wrong way. I'm talking about real bad experience (I was like 14 or 15 and that friend is 25yr old) we was really drunk that time, and he forced me to talk to a working staff in a food store to asked her to come with us. After she refused,I walk out the store, me and that friend (who I hate now) forced me to touch him. I refused and he let me go. After that I never drink again with him. Now I'm 19, just last night I remembered this experience and I keep thinking I'm a horrible person. I changed now, my 🧠 wont let me think straight it keeps telling me I can't change. But really, I hated all mistakes I did like that for example. I almost got someone to a big trouble. Man I'm crying all day because of this. My head tells me I almost did it so I must be some kind of predator or some sht.
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OCD
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when i have brain fog it gets BAD like i feel as though i’m fighting an actual war in my head to be able to do even the most simple thing Which consequently means homework is the most difficult task to do ever even when i’m deathly behind it’s just so HARD😭😭😭and then i always get told off for being lazy and not completing things Like . my brain doesn’t work . but no one really understands it Aghhhhhhhhhh
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ADHD
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I just took my first dose of Adderall today, and I did a load of laundry for the first time without a week (or 2!) long battle to get myself to do it.
I’m just so in shock that I want to things for once??? I just took a shower. I made breakfast for once?
I’m crying because I’m so happy that I finally make the effort to take care of myself and formally get diagnosed. I’m just so hopeful for the future now. If I would’ve given myself any advice to my younger self, it would’ve been see the dang therapist sooner. It’s worth the cost.
I also had a cry because I started to mourn my past years of confusion and depression stemming from my ADHD struggles. I feel so clear today and I’m in shock that this is what “normal” people feel like. I feel like I lost out on so much potential in the past and lost friendships stemming from me being unable to message people back.
All I got to say, is dang meds work and maybe this is an extra day one placebo effect, but I feel so freaking excited for the future in a way I’ve never felt before!
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ADHD
|
Hi.
I'm not sure exactly what I want to write, but I feel like I need to write or reach out to somebody?
I'm 16, from the UK, in year 12. I feel myself beginning to spiral down into a dark place again. Usually, this happens around this time of year - although I love the winter weather, my mental health doesn't seem to. I also hate the build up to Christmas, all my friends talk about it constantly about how they're so excited, but for me, it's just an excuse for my alcoholic dad to drink more than he usually does, leaving me alone in the living room on Christmas day whilst he is drunk and asleep upstairs by 3pm.
I don't really feel depressed at the moment, which is different to previous times where I've felt myself falling down into this place. For the majority of my teen and adolescent years I have experienced intense chronic pain in my leg, which always flares up when my mood is low. But this time, my leg is rarely painful and I suppose that is a good thing, but it makes me feel out of place a little. Like my current mood doesn't feel 'complete' or 'valid' now that my chronic pain isn't as intense as it has been for years.
I saw a train crossing a bridge on my way to school this morning, and it made me feel weird. I can't work out if it was a good or bad emotion but it felt like something loosened in my chest. Previously, when I have felt more actively suicidal, to commit suicide by throwing myself in front of a train was always the idea I imagined I would go with. I would always think of myself taking my life in that way.
I feel upset that I have not yet hit rock bottom. I think right now I'm not actively suicidal, I just don't have any desire to exist or move forward, nothing to look forward to, nothing to make me want to keep going. I want to die, but I don't feel like I have a desire to do anything to take my life at this moment, but that frustrates me. Writing it out makes me feel stupid because who would feel frustrated that they don't have the courage to take their life?
My teachers were provided with my safety plan after I spoke to my head of year at the beginning of the week regarding my mood. I was very brief and vague. But, I thought that maybe, once they had realised I was having a bad time, they would care? And I don't mean to sound selfish or arrogant, but I suppose I wish they cared? Or at least, showed me that they cared. To go through all of my lessons knowing that my teachers knew I was really struggling and for them not to ask me how I was doing or even make an effort to sort of smile at me or something? I just felt disappointed. I've never been somebody who seeks attention, I'm incredibly introverted and hate being the centre of attention but I've found myself feeling a desire for somebody to just pay attention to me? And to realise I'm having a bad time and sit down with me to genuinely ask me how I'm doing. But feeling this way makes me feel guilty? I feel like I'm becoming an attention seeker and who likes people who are attention seekers? I think I'm also partly scared, before, a driving factor for me feeling more suicidal was the thought that "nobody cares". And when I sort of prove to myself that nobody cares, I feel like I'm just repeating previous times I've felt low, and those previous times have never resulted in me committing suicide so I feel like I'm back on the same, previous path which is going to end up nowhere when I think deep down I want it to end with me having the courage to go through with my suicide? I have no idea if that made sense.
I'm predicted 3 A\*s for my a levels. Which I feel like is putting pressure on me, I don't even want to think about university because I don't want to admit that I might be here for that long. I feel like I need to pin myself up to this impression teachers and others have of me, and I need to show that I am worthy of producing those sorts of grades but at the same time I just don't want to have to care about trying or doing well because as I said, I don't want to admit that I'll be here for that long.
My dad drinks too much, and has for as long as I can remember. I have made a separate reddit post about this if you care to read any more. I want to talk about it with somebody because recently it's been bothering me more than usual. If I told someone at school, what do you think they would do?
I really appreciate it if you read all of that. I pretty much just threw up some of my thoughts onto the page. Any comments or advice or anything would be amazing, seeing my post get a notification always excites me. Thank you for reading <3
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depression
|
This might not be the right place to post but it's all I got rn.
Start it off by saying I've had undiagnosed ADHD for years. It feels really fake to say that or to even mention it to friends but I came from one of those families that refused medication thinking that doctors were liars and pills would zombify children. Despite this I have 8 other siblings who half of which were diagnosed before my parents decided not to take us to a doctor anymore.
I'm 24, fresh out of college at a new job. Friend of mine who was undiagnosed for years finally got some medication and a diagnosis last year. She offered me some of her medication to try (mostly to encourage me to go to a doctor/make me take my ADHD seriously. I tried some, and it changed my life.
I really want to cry knowing how incredibly difficult my life has been the last decade when I started taking school seriously, and that I've had a problem this entire time. I had such rapid onset clarity, such a clean and less "distracted" less free flowing thought into any and everything when I was on it.
The next day I went back to normal and I cried. I've never taken my ADHD seriously, my siblings who are into their adulthood have been talking to me about it now encouraging me to chill out a bit until I can go see a doctor and get a diagnosis.
I'm gonna be real with you, waiting 2 weeks from now to go to a doctor feels like hell. I am fighting off such a depressive episode just for the sake of starting my new job tbh. I'm so fucking angry at my parents for never taking this seriously. I could have felt like, OK for most of college had I had medication.
I'm so sad. I can't believe I felt "human" for the first time in my life from a pill I bummed off of a friend. I just want to feel normal again I want to cry. I have all my housemates home right now so I'm trying to stave off bawling like a baby over this but jesus christ the rage and sadness I feel about this is disgusting.
TLDR: Tried adhd meds, felt clear for the first time in my life and have to wait till I can get diagnosed before I can actually get a prescription
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ADHD
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i had a dream about it last night, not a flashback, but more that i was going to their house and that i was going to see them. i was quite distressed about it. it didn't feel like a nightmare though. is that pstd or just dreaming? i don't get nightmares about it often at all (like only a couple of times ever)
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ptsd
|
I'm having a lot of trouble holding back from shopping at the moment, I'm on a mini vacation in a city with stores that we don't have at home and all I want to do is go to the mall and buy stuff. I'm dealing with a lot of boredom and this feels like the only thing I want to do to relieve that boredom at the moment.
Any advice to help cope in these types of situations?
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ADHD
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I've had OCD for about 2 years now and it's getting to the point where I will legitimately wash my hands like 30 times at once and well over a 100 times a day. How do you all manage with this? Especially with the whole coronavirus situation recently I've been even more of a mess.
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OCD
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I was doing better. I was doing so much better. Then out of nowhere this shit attacks me again. I’m so tired of fighting. I’m sick of not being able to trust my own mind. It’s exhausting. I’m so tired. I feel paranoid and hopeless. Please, any words if encouragement. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
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OCD
|
Hey guys. This is my first time posting here. I have Pure OCD since 12 .
My issues ranged from blasphemy to fear of being a pedo and murderer. Usually I am able to deal with these myself with trial and error, partly because decent therapy is next to impossible to find here (live in Saudi Arabia).
What I am going through right now though is much worse for me and has stolen my life for the past year. I have lost a job because of this even though I did well before this. I am working again and don't want to lose my next job
So I came here as I can't do this alone.
PROBLEM STARTS HERE, TRIGGER WARNING
Basically my current issues revolve around morals, Politics and Indirect Harm. My brain tells me if I consume anything foreign (games, music, food etc) I am supporting the people who will then use the money to pay taxes to their governments that use it for bad things.
Take examples like US invading Iraq resulting in innocent casualties, Saudi war on Yemen, Japan chasing business ventures in Myanmar that strengthen military through taxes and are responsible for genocide against minorities, China with the concentration camps. It feels like any death or torture these people go through is partially because of my desire to indulge in life.
I feel nothing but dead inside and it makes me want to not exist. I have no desires, no aspirations anymore , nothing and I dunno what to do.
Worst part is that this stuff is true and quite rational to me. Think of the NSA recruitment scene from Good Will Hunting. That's how I look at everything. I try to ignore but then my brain tells me what if that was family or friends suffering and then the what ifs start which kills me.
Would appreciate some insight on this matter, its affecting me physically as my chest is tight, makes breathing difficult.
I feel nothing but hatred for the World and the God that made things this way (sorry if I offended anyone)
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OCD
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Usually when I get intrusive thoughts I ignore it, but this time, yesterday, I had an intrusive thought where it said “I wish something bad happened” but I repeated it and I’m scared I might actually wish it. Because I said it the way I would with something that I actually want the wish to happen. I know it seems dumb, but I get really anxious with these things.
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OCD
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*Doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. Familial and close platonic relationships can definitely benefit from this too.
Essentially what it is is an emotional safe word. An agreed upon word to say to mean “Hey, I’m uncomfortable with the topic, can we change it please?” or “The mention of that thing triggers me, let’s not bring it up again.” and even “That type of joke really isn’t funny, either right now or always, because of my trauma.” It should be something random that doesn’t come up much in conversation and that you can say quickly. I find it especially helpful if you’re very non confrontational or socially anxious.
Got the idea from my inpatient ward, where we designated the word “pivot” as a way for clients and staff to shift conversations that devolved into food/weight/exercise talk.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been feeling really depressed and down and aimless recently, had a few days off work and I done nothing but sleep a lot of the time to avoid facing the day. Tonight though for the first time in months I sat down and done some writing for a story I’ve had an idea for for a long time, and I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. It felt therapeutic. After graduating last year and having the full pandemic to think about my future I realised in some obscure way writing it what I want to do with my life, but mental health shit (and undiagnosed inattentive ADHD as I’ve come to realise over the past year or so) meant I just never actually sit down and practice. I want to write, but I never actually do it, and the lack of practice probably means I’m awful at it.
Tonight I done it though. I realised how shit I was feeling, I forced myself up, I made myself sit down and I made myself write. And I only wrote a small chunk, but it felt good to be doing something that felt like a worthwhile effort instead of wallowing about all the different aspects of my life I’m unhappy with. It also made me realise I can sit and think about stories forever and get nowhere; that state of flow where I actually sit down and write is where the characters and scenarios I have vague ideas about in my head actually come to life. It’s a small win, but I’m proud.
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ADHD
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Recently there was talk about not taking methylphenidate meds with Vitamin C or well as sugary drinks and cereals as it would negate the effectiveness of the meds.
So, I did a bit of digging into interactions between vitamin C etc and methylphenidate and there are none.
The whole thing appears to have come from AD*mag (can’t write the name or it’ll get removed) and there are actually no studies cited anywhere that I could find that say interactions with vitamin C or even soft drinks/soda is a proven thing, all the mentions about it on other websites loosely say “may” but do not cite any actual evidence and appear to use the same text as the originating website.
I wondered if it’s just a case of that website driving clicks but no actual evidence that it’s factual. You could say anything using the word “may”.
*edited for a typo
|
ADHD
|
ok literally if i do the compulsions they take forever and are completely draining and i know im not supposed to. so i feel like shit. then if i dont do them im obsessing and.... feel like shit. i cannot win with this disorder and im just perpetually fucking sad and run down.
|
OCD
|
Ugh I have a obsession that in a different setting has been a compulsion for me to reduce anxiety. It all falls down to the setting in which it hits. And last night it hit as an obsession and my thought was it’s okay you’ve done it before in this other setting.
Thankfully I just ignored the obsession and the compulsion in this case but still have the hit of anxiety at the time and now in the morning.
|
OCD
|
I'm ignored, avoided, tossed aside, and pieces are falling off of me that I didn't even know where there,
It feels like I'm slowly losing the parts of me that wanted to keep going,
everything I say gets buried, everything I do is ignored or misunderstood, maybe I'm just crazy,
but I do know that I feel a hole in my chest that will never close.
I'm punishing myself for being bad with money by starving myself till my next paycheck, I'm a month late on rent, I sleep on the floor and I struggle to even shut off my alarm at noon,
I'm tired and I'm breaking and it's gradual but the cracks keep getting longer and all I have in my head is the image of a dying insect that's been sprayed with toxin that is slowly dying over the course of a week.
I keep trying to hold the fucking vase together, and i have no glue, and it's filled with nothing it's a useless stupid vase.
I feel like my escape pod launched away from earth and there is no fuel to go back and I'm slowly drifting away from earth with no food or water and limited air, I know this stupid post is getting buried but screw it whatever, point fingers, judge, do your worst, I don't even matter enough to care.
|
depression
|
Wanna post to get something off my chest. I’m really not built for this world. I’m so sensitive to sensory input. It’s driving me nuts.
All day long I can hear _everything_. The washing machine, children playing outside, construction noise, traffic noise, people talking. It just makes me so tired.
A lot of things people enjoy, I actively dislike. Festivals, live music, bars, shops with music. Why does there always have to be background noise? On top of the noise I just can’t deal with the crowds. This really sucks for me. Sometimes I want to go out with family or my gf but I just cannot deal with it all and end up looking like a grumpy 10 year old. Then I have to deal with feeling ashamed.
Also, when people are planning stuff, usually if I join them I end up feeling like they are stealing my me-time. I usually think “I’d rather be at home doing X”. Yesterday I actually had a huge meltdown about this, which I haven’t had that bad in ages.
I can actually rationalize through it and see it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but it is. And I sometimes hate myself for it.
With working full time and my personal need for downtime, there isn’t that much time and energy left for “living”. Omfg sometimes I really feel like some kind of robot.
I wish I could just escape to some ethereal plane for a month or so where I can get some real rest.
|
aspergers
|
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZABVnbE5BM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZABVnbE5BM)
|
OCD
|
Everyone would be happier if I just disappeared. I make things difficult for everyone, I’m a burden, and I’m a disappointment. My family wouldn’t be so broken apart if I was a better daughter and sister. I want to die. I wish I was never born.
|
depression
|
I love reading but it's giving me problems lately. Whenever I read something sad or that hurts, I can't move on with it. Whenever I remember it, my brain keeps on thinking that I should reread the sad part and memorize it. I can't even sleep properly because it's the first thing I remember when I wake up. I keep on imagining things on what should the story be and it keeps bothering me. I can't focus on the things I should do and keep remembering it. My heartbeats goes rapidly when I remember the sad stuffs.
​
Is this a sign of OCD?
|
OCD
|
I listen to a lot of podcasts. The best ones are often by aspies: because they care more about content than about presentation. They are typically over an hour long in a monotonous voice, but they have passion and cutting edge research on some obscure topic. ([Example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoS7WoQJgAw)) As a result of the voice, they don't get many votes. Whereas low quality podcasts concentrate on presentation instead, so they get all the votes. Even academic podcasts dumb themselves down to get upvotes. I just want to hear the expert speak! So I find myself looking for the boring voice, because they care the most about content. I wish we had a podcast network that only had podcasts by aspies.
|
aspergers
|
I just started my junior year of college and we're back to full in-person. I was doing way better in online school than I ever did in-person because I struggle in classroom environments. I talked to my disability specialist to get my standard accommodations, which worked fine in online but it's a whole new ballgame in the classroom. I can't take breaks as needed, even as an approved accommodation, since I don't always sit by the door and I hate being disruptive in class. In recent days the paranoia has really gone up several notches and I have not been able to leave my room despite every effort to do so. I've missed one class today and I'll probably be missing the other one. I'm working today (I have gotten two extreme part-time jobs since my last post - 1 hour a week each) and I'm the only one available to work today. I'm exhausted and the nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and insomnia are not helping. I'm spiraling back down into the depths of depression and my anxiety is sky high.
On top of that, getting my social work certificate on top of my psychology degree just seems like so much more effort than I can spare right now, when I'm barely stable enough to remember to eat and shower regularly. I only picked this major because it seemed like the only thing I was remotely interested in. I have no hobbies or interests that I could turn into a career. I can't even watch youtube without spacing out and eventually dissociating. I feel so burnt out and it's only the third week of the semester. I've looked into finishing my stupid degree online but my university doesn't offer my major online and transferring is too much work. I can't tell my parents because I am 100% financially dependent on them for tuition, clothing, food, and every other cost of living and they tend to hold it over my head. I'll likely never be able to do a full time job or be financially independent and it's killing me. I never asked to be born and now I'm everyone's problem apparently. I'm only hanging on for my amazing SO, my sibling, and my dog. I want to throw in the towel so badly.
|
ptsd
|
after being told i (25f) just suffer from anxiety & depression my whole life, i finally saw a psychiatrist and have been properly diagnosed with both adhd and ocd. i've been on 40mg prozac for the past 4 months and am a few weeks into a dosage trial for adderall, both of which have been helping immensely.
that said, i've been thinking a lot about how my ocd & adhd enable each other, kind of like some super anxious and chaotic super-disorder. i've also been trying to sort out what symptoms are from which diagnosis, as a lot of the anxiety i get when in adhd paralysis tends to overlap with that from my ocd obsessions/compulsions. for those who have also been *blessed* with this combo- what's your experience been like?
tldr: for those with adhd and ocd, what challenges have you had to face that perhaps seem more specific to having both?
|
ADHD
|
And the pain is always piling up. Forgetting becomes harder and harder, yet it is all I can really do
|
depression
|
I recently remembered when I first started hanging out with the friends of one of my classmates and it was kinda the first time hanging with people not from my school and I realized they talk about different things than school. Then I started trying to figure out how they do conversation and realized “aha they tell stories and then someone else chimes in with a story that is related or similar in some way” and when I got home I tried to come up with stories of mine that might fit and set out to notice these “stories more“ 💀
|
aspergers
|
Like man I'm just trying to open my files, if you don't do it quickly something else will grab my attention and I'll be gone for 30 minutes AT LEAST.
Now imagine this happening with every single thing I cant get anything done I'm going crazy not seeking for help but I want to see if someone else struggles with this lol
|
ADHD
|
To put everything into perspective, i’m 20 years old, I have ADHD, I live with my parents, and I go to the community college in my town.
My whole life, school has been hell for me. Countless nights of my dad screaming at me to understand my math homework, being grounded almost every weekend because of my grades, parent/teacher conferences. You know how it goes.
I am currently enrolled at the community college in my town trying to get my AA. Typically people have the ability to finish their AA within two years. Well, i’ve been at this school for two years and I got so behind with covid that I had to stay here another semester, so, this is supposed to be my junior year. I am supposed to be off at a university. Now, I know it’s okay to take extra time to finish your credits, but, I just have a deep feeling my family is disappointed that i’m not off at a uni like everyone else.
My dad has always made sure that I have every opportunity to get through school. After my performance in high school, I obviously don’t have any sort of scholarship so, he is paying out of pocket for this school.
I never studied and tried in highschool so, attempting college level courses was a big wake up call for me. I tried more than I ever had for school. But, it still isn’t enough. I am going to be blunt, I have a 2.3 GPA, i’ve withdrawled from 2 classes, and got a failing grade in 1. My “plan” is to transfer to a university in spring. But the university I applied for (my first choice) didn’t accept me and I am terrified to tell my dad. On top of that, I am halfway through this semester and i’m failing the math course that i failed once before. I JUST CANT DO IT. my brain doesn’t comprehend math. i’m 20 years old and don’t even know multiplication tables off the top of my head. math is just such a struggle and it ruins my self esteem and mental health. I can’t help but feel fucking stupid. this is the one class holding me back from getting my AA and i’m already fucking up like I do every time. The withdraw date is tomorrow and I don’t know what to do. the class has had two exams so far, that I flunked which put me at a 54% F and we only have two more exams and a final. if I don’t get high As on the next two exams, then I fail. I don’t know what to do and I can’t talk to my dad because i’m too scared. And honestly after being denied from that school, I just don’t want to fucking do it anymore. This isn’t for me and it never has been. but my family is financially manipulating me into staying in school and the thought of telling them I want to drop out, truly petrifies me. i feel like they have MY life planned out in their own way, and i have no say in what I really want to do in life. it’s so frustrating and i just feel like I am a fuck up and a disappointment. I had ONE JOB to pass these classes at a small school and can’t even do that. I just don’t even feel like I can have a productive life as long as I have ADHD. I have no motivation for anything and i’m so unhappy with everything.
|
ADHD
|
hey everyone,
i wish i wasn't me. anyone else?
also i feel really selfish because my life is perfectly fine but i just can't manage to feel happy
L
|
depression
|
It feels as if no matter what I do to make myself feel better, it doesn't work . I feel like i'm living in a constant loop. I don't know how to break it. Everything in my life is stressing me out. I can't keep living this way. I want to get better but it's hard. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I cant lose weight. I'm too depressed to go to the gym anymore. I feel worthless because I don't look the way I want to. I am actively in therapy, but we are focusing on other things at the moment & I feel like I'm just getting worse as each day passes. I wished that I didn't feel as if the way I looked defined my own self worth. I don't know what to do..
|
depression
|
What I mean by this is testing your friends or family for various reasons. Such as to see if they care enough to do such and such or other ridiculous things. Just curious if this happens to anyone and their experiences.
|
OCD
|
The closest I can get is attachment to things I feel are close to me, but it’s not hard at all for me to remove these from my life and I do not feel bad about it after.
I am unable to fall in love or care about anyone but i still flinch in movies and have OCD in the rituals area; I need to perform rituals for bad things not to happen to me or my brain will keep sending me messages about them happening.
It’s hard for me to look people in the eye unless for when I want to be « above » in a situation
It’s hard for me to understand people but I can understand them very well using both statistics and propositioal logic.
I’m calmer and more organized than I was before.
I still want people but I hate spending time with them, it is when they are gone that I miss their company.
What is this?
P.S I also have a terrible sense of coordination and hate change but love improvements
|
aspergers
|
A few months ago I started thinking I might have ADHD. I brought it up at my school and talked to the school nurse and school doctor. They said I might have ADHD/ADD, but I'm also depressed so they have to deal with that first. I have been diagnosed with depression before but I never saw that as the cause of my problems. I talked to the nurse a few times and then told her that I don't think depression is the problem and that I want to find out if I have ADHD. They said they can't diagnose me at the school and they can send a referral to a public healthcare place. I filled out a paper and answered a few questions and they sent the referral. They denied me, said I don't have ADHD. I didn't even get a chance to talk to anyone. Am I tripping or is this some bullshit?? How can they say I don't have it when I haven't even talked to anyone yet? Now I have to wait until I'm 18 so I can send a referral myself. And it's probably going to take a lot longer than it was going to take before because I won't be underage anymore (if they even accept me). I could also go to a private practitioner but that costs a ton of money and my family can't afford that. This whole situation is pissing me off. They're not even giving me a chance to find out if I have it. I was even hesitant to try to find out if I have it because I didn't want to make a big deal and waste everyone's time if I don't have it. And now that I actually go forward with it, they deny me the chance to even find out.
|
ADHD
|
This has been a hard one for me, because I'm always so anxious people will get angry at me or insult me. But I bit the bullet and did it today!
I was doing some banking, and the lady I was dealing with was so pleasant and even after I completed my business, we got to chatting about daily life. I noticed she had a beautiful ring, so I asked her if she was married. She said yes, and I replied "well that's too bad, because you're gorgeous!" She blushed and laughed and thanked me. She told me a bit about her husband and her kids. That was heartwarming. Shortly after, I left the branch and I felt good that I made someone smile.
Today was a good day. Paid off some debt, and made a nice lady happy!
P.S. Why are Indian women so beautiful??
|
OCD
|
I just feel like dirt, I’m just overwhelmed by life at the moment. Feel free to say hi : )
|
depression
|
Hi all. I'll have been on 40 mg of Strattera for 4 weeks this coming Wednesday. The reason I'm on Strattera and not a stimulant is 1) I haven't had the full eval to diagnose me officially with ADHD yet, and 2) Because of a history of bad allergic reactions to drugs, I've had my genes tested for contraindications, and Strattera is the only ADHD medication that doesn't put me at high risk for severe side effects.
Almost immediately upon starting Strattera, I got the dry mouth and nausea. Both have mostly subsided by now, but I can't get over how scatterbrained I feel. It's like my ADHD paralysis got turned up to 11. My primary complaint that led to this prescription was that I struggle to start tasks, and I feel that's gotten even worse. And if/when I am able to start tasks, like my work, I'm easily overwhelmed, stressed and irritable.
The other big, lingering side effect is that I've completely lost my appetite. I'm someone who *loves* food, probably to the point of an unhealthy fixation, but now nothing ever "sounds good" to me. I forget to eat until late in the day if not forced, and I've been relying on meal replacement beverages to ensure I at least eat *something* with nutrition throughout the day.
I can cope with the lack of appetite, to be totally honest. I can plan around my utter lack of interest in food and make accommodations for myself to keep myself healthy. What I'm struggling with is this heightened awareness of every fleeting thought combined with the total inability to start anything. I'm not sleeping, because all I can think about is what I can't force myself to complete. I'm laying awake at night already in distress over the next day's work. My motivation has plummeted; if I do anything, it's a survival mechanism out of sheer overwhelm or disgust with myself.
I have a med check with my psychiatrist later this week, and obviously I'll tell her all of this, but I suspect she'll tell me to wait another 2-4 weeks or up my dosage a bit, as that's what she indicated the plan of action would be when she first prescribed Strattera to me. Mostly, I came here to see if anyone else has had this experience on Strattera, and if so, did it get better? Did you ever stop feeling like the living embodiment of the Bojack Horseman "Stupid Piece of Shit" episode? How long did that take, and at what dosage?
Just looking for a little hope here. I can't believe how adrift I'm feeling.
|
ADHD
|
Is self harm and being sucidal a "symptom" of OCD? What is the meaning of "last stage"? I'd be grateful if anyone could explain me. How should I react?
|
OCD
|
I've had OCD since I was a child, I had contamination OCD and would wash my hands at least 100 times a day, and my hands are still fucked up due to that, it was consistent and very severe. My parents don't really believe in mental illness, so they just ignored all the painfully obvious signs. Once I hit puberty my symptoms just stopped (or at least I stopped noticing them/don't remember them). When I was 15-16 my symptoms had come back and they've been inconsistent since. I would have an obsession, freak out and have a few anxiety attacks, then go back to normal. I'm starting to think it's not even OCD at this point, does anyone know anything about this?
|
OCD
|
When I was in school, the teachers were often patronizing and condescending. I called a teacher out on it and she stopped but I am thinking that when I have kids in the future, maybe I should tell teachers not to be patronizing to my kids due to their autism.
|
aspergers
|
I don't feel interested in anything(li. All I do is time waste. I have no hobbies. Whole day I surf youtube, Instagram or gaming. I have very little interest in Studies. Sometimes I have my breakdowns. I want to be active and a sharp student once again as I was in High School(right now in college.
|
depression
|
so i’m in high school and take english classes, often i have to read long passages that before was just absolutely dreadful. i have pretty bad comprehension because i’ll just zone out while reading and not even actually read, recently i had to read this story that was 10 pages long and i kept putting it off until i looked up the audio version on youtube. what i did was set the speed on the video to 1.5x and read along with it, since it’s so much faster paced i had a much easier time paying attention. i do this with other youtube videos if people talk too slow but had never thought about it with reading, great discovery for me. if it’s not on youtube then i’m 99% sure there’s a way you can highlight things and have your phone/computer read it to you, i’m also pretty positive you can adjust the speed to that as-well.
|
ADHD
|
The most common symptom of ADHD that I read about is the racing mind and the inability to quiet those thoughts. I fit into pretty much every category for adhd otherwise, like being inattentive and unorganized and my working memory is awful.
The difference though is that my brain is always quiet, but worse than quiet it feels like it’s absolutely void of thoughts. And the more effort I put into actively thinking the worse it gets. Because of this I have always been the most quiet person in the room, something I have deep insecurities about. I just have nothing to say because nothing is going on in my mind, and it doesn’t help I can’t focus on the conversation and start to disassociate in most social settings.
When I was a kid my thoughts would never shut up and I had insomnia because of it. I got so hyper focused on finding a way to shut my brain off. It’s like I found this switch in m brain that finally turned the racing thoughts off and ever since I was never able to turn the thoughts back on.
Any advice on what this might be or what I could do about it would be greatly appreciated.
|
ADHD
|
From googling, it seems that Dexmethylphenidate (Focalin) is not available in the UK at all? Why is this? It’s an enantiomer of Methylphenidate and appears to be a good alternative to Methylphenidate as it’s also a central nervous stimulant.
And then, why is Adderall not readily available either? I say readily, as apparently you can get it prescribed in the UK, but it’s rare/difficult. Has anyone been prescribed it in the UK, and if so, how did you go about getting it?
It seems rather unfair that we’re denied access to both or either of these medications. It limits the options when there isn’t that big of a list of adhd medications..
|
ADHD
|
When I was a kid I was bullied pretty bad for being smaller ugly and stupid this lasted till high school ended. I’m 19 now but the effects it had on me are still around. My self confidence is 0 and I don’t know what to do. I find it extremely hard to talk to people who don’t have interest in video games, it’s been my only happyness . I’ve never had a gf or anything close and have wanted love for as long as I could remember. No one takes interest in me or has the same interest and I don’t know anything else. I feel empty and alone even tho I have some friends. I’m very fortunate to have what I have but loneliness is killing me. Idk anyone similar to me
|
depression
|
My son, 7, recently was officially diagnosed as ADHD and prescribed medication to help him focus in school. We have noticed recently that he has much more aggression and general angst / anger on nights when he was medicated in the morning for school.
Is this something that anyone has dealt with? Are there any tips for how to help him calm himself and sort out his feelings?
|
ADHD
|
I have some serious problems giving up control, and I was wondering if this was a side effect if OCD. A lot of times, I absolutely hate giving up control, and this can lead to absolutely explosive arguments if I don’t have a good reason for giving up control. If this part of OCD or something else?
|
OCD
|
My psychiatrist in the first appointment said there might be an onset but eventually he told me its nothing like that but he didn’t stop the medication.
I take fluoxetine 40 mg, Epitril 1 mg, clorofranil 25 mg and Sizoden 0.5 mg.
I sometimes don’t even know if I am having side effects or just it’s normal.
Like for example, I am having urine incontinence, libido is sometimes very high and sometimes too low, I am having strong muscular pains(shoulder to neck area), I have started eating alot ( I am hungry all the time specially for more protein based food), I have been very much focused on work but I feel restless all the time like there is some heavy weight on my shoulders which is trying to push me down.
Anyone else who has experienced Sizoden?
|
OCD
|
Finally got my assessment today which is awesome but now I have a few weeks to wait until my psychiatrist gets back to me with the report/diagnosis. My question is what do I do now??? I have this crushing imposter syndrome going on like "did I waste everyone's time and money?" and I really don't know what to do in the meantime.
Can my family doctor prescribed medications even if I don't have the report back yet since I have an appointment next week to discuss the assessment (which I obviously won't have the answers for for some time)? If it matters, I'm in Canada. Where do I go from here? I feel kind of like I'm in limbo and I know when I'm in this headspace, everything feels like it's takes a century to pass including time.
|
ADHD
|
Hi :)
I am 27yo female. For the past 12 years I’ve had really bad anxiety. I saw a therapist recently because I had to see one before I saw the psychiatrist and the therapist diagnosed me with major depressive disorder (which I’ve been diagnosed with before) and generalized anxiety disorder. I stopped seeing her after a couple months because she didn’t push me at all. It was like, “how are you?” and id be like “I’m fine” and then we would talk about random stuff for 10 minutes before the session ended.
After I stopped seeing her, I was taken off the wait list for the psychiatrist because you have to be currently in counseling for three months before you see a psych at this certain place (so stupid).
Anyways, today I went to a psychiatrist finally after so many years. She diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and not generalized anxiety (to my surprise), but instead OCD. She said I had waaaayy to much anxiety to be GAD.
I instantly was like hmm i don’t know about that because I only knew what was in media, like someone who touches the doorknob five times. But after reading about it, I relate to the obsessive intrusive thoughts which in turn causes my anxiety. But I don’t think I have compulsions?!
I don’t know. I’m new to this, but what I do know is that I have such bad anxiety every day and panic attacks all the time. My head is always spinning and makes me feel like shit. Can you have OCD without compulsions? Or what would be considered a compulsion?
Sorry this was long and probably all over the place.
Thanks <3
|
OCD
|
I had an intense therapy session yesterday (brainspotting trauma therapy) and I am riding the struggle bus today. I typically listen to music in the shower and that keeps the ‘bad thoughts’ away, but today it didn’t work. I keep getting intense memories of different traumas and difficult things I’ve been through and it makes me feel incapable of living life. I feel like is should call in and take a mental health day. The problems are:
- I have a fear of missing work due to mental illness because I feel like it’s a sign that I’m getting worse, and I want to get better. The thing about trauma therapy is that you will get worse before you get better. But my fear is based on past experiences where I had to miss work for prolonged amounts of time, and I can’t have that happen because:
- I’m a contract worker and only have so much time to take off for sick time and I don’t have fmla like I did the last time I had to take time off for mental illness.
- I work from home and haven’t been getting anything done and I’m scared this will be noticed. If I take a day off for being ‘sick’ they might think I’m just putting off working and being even more lazy.
My main fear is this idea I have in my head that missing work is a sign that things are really bad and I can’t handle life.
I’m sorry if this is insensitive to people who cannot work due to their mental illness! I’ve been there and I’m truly sorry.
I’m just struggling and could really use some tips, support, or encouragement to keep on keeping or maybe reassurance that it’s okay to take a mental health day (which I actually encourage people to do sometimes). It’s just a trigger for me thinking that things are getting worse and I might not get better.
I want to get through this therapy and get to a better place but it’s so hard. Brainspotting is a lot like EMDR but more flexible.
TLDR; mental health in the toilet, too scared to take a mental health day due to fear that things will just get worse and I’ll run out of sick time.
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ptsd
|
DUDE. that thing is brutal. youre telling me that im supposed to see MULTIPLE things in these inkblots?? and then i have to tell you HOW i saw it?? bruh.
but regardless i’m very thankful i had one done while i was hospitalized. it was a random doctor i never met before that day and he had no idea about my ASD diagnosis i got a day prior from his colleague. but right after the test, he asked me if i had ever heard of autism. i was fucking mindblown. psychology is crazy.
edit: i dont think i was clear enough. im thankful for the test because i wasnt 100% on accepting my diagnosis at first because of all my past misdiagnoses. the second opinion/further testing made me feel better about my diagnosis
|
aspergers
|
I feel disgusting. Although I’m not even sure if I actually did what I thought I did. Sometimes I accidentally glance at people in weird places, I never like it, it freaks me out. It scares me to think if I ever accidentally did that to a kid. I want to cry, please help me. I don’t want to be a disgusting person. I’m so fucking scared, please help me. I don’t want to be a p! That’s the scariest thing in the world to me, I can’t fucking live like that. I can’t bare the thought of doing anything inappropriate to a child, I don’t like this.
|
OCD
|
im also wondering if this is an adhd thing at all, or possibly an anxiety thing. it feels abnormal though and very distressing so im wondering if anyone else experiences something similar or knows what the cause might be.
also any advice on how to manage it is of course appreciated.
baisically ill often fixate on an issue and cant stop thinking about it for days at a time when i just want my brain to shut up. or i fixate on a show and need to finish it and it just becomes a chore and no longer enjoyable. i ruined the joy of animal crossing new horizons by fixating on it too hard and turning it into a source of anxiety.
|
ADHD
|
I don't understand. My brain just hates me.
I can feel it behind my eyes, heavy, just waiting.
Every time I force myself to stop, clenching my teeth, opening my eyes really wide.
I don't understand why I can't stop
I just want to cry, or die, or both.
God I hate myself
|
depression
|
Before around the end of last year I never questioned my sexuality once. Tho I started to notice at one point that my thirst for women wasn't as strong as it used to be but I didn't think much of it. But in november I started thinking of naked guys to see my reaction and I started to get very anxious and ever since I became paranoid and it kept getting worse with each month and now its so bad that to the point I can't even look at straight porn anymore without getting weirdly anxious and getting feelings in my throat from seeing a dick. I can't tell if this is HOCD or not anymore.And its weird since prior to this dicks did absolutly nothing for me to the point I just watched lesbian porn or girl alone. I don't know what to do now it really starts to feel real.
|
OCD
|
I just got the email yesterday morning and I told myself I was going to open it later but I forgot lol. But I am so glad I did, it's not my dream school but now atleast I will definetly have somewhere to go!!!
I was so scared because I struggled so badly in school, but I'm hopefully that I will get into the rest!!
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ADHD
|
You guys know better then neurotypicals know that your mind never stops. I hear my voice in my head all the time it’s general conversation it’s sometimes songs but most of time it’s general conversation. Sometimes it’s so loud it’s overwhelming it never stops. I do like it because it’s like having a friend in your head talking to you all the time. On Wednesday I told my teacher and had a meltdown because the voice was so loud.
Does anyone have have this
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ADHD
|
I hate stydy. I hate everything about it. I just wanna stop doing everything and just stay on the bed for the rest of my life
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depression
|
Although I’m technically not HF ASD but lower I like this sub.
It’s awesome talking to similar people. It feels like a nice bubble.
The actual autism sub I don’t really feel comfortable in, it’s overpopulated and I feel it’s inundated with activism or photo posts. I love this sub the best
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aspergers
|
I had flashback nightmares every night without fail for a long long time, until my psychiatrist gave me an alpha blocker and that’s helped a lot.
I struggled with getting to work on time every morning because with the nightmares, I’d always wake up and get sick after because of how upsetting they are. So I would be 5-10 minutes late because of that.
Now that I’m on an alpha-blocker, I’m still coming in 5-10 minutes late because it’s super hard to wake up, and I can’t just jump out of bed because I could pass out.
My coworkers have been making fun of me for “always being late” (5-10 is not bad in my opinion, if I was 30, sure! but 5-10? no) and my boss reprimanded me.
my boss is not a nice person, and if you tell her anything she tells everyone in the office. I don’t want to talk to her about my issues. I’ve sent in to our disability services team and I’m upset because I don’t want anyone to know anything and now I have to say something bc I’m scared I’ll get fired.
People keep saying to me “wake up sooner” but I already get up very early and again, I’m on a pill that makes it difficult to wake up at all.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
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ptsd
|
Looking at the state of the world, the climate crisis, global supply chain breakdown, and severe political stability, I've realized that our global civilization is at an end. In about 10 years, things are going to really start falling apart, even more than they are now. Global warming is accelerating, and our infrastructure is super fragile. I'm in my super early 20's. I always thought that the world was bad, but there was a chance, hope for the future. I now realize that is false. There is no hope. Certainly I must have courage, and do my best in the face of long odds and most certain failure, as that is what being human is about. I just feel lost and sad, the future I thought I might have is completely out the window.
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depression
|
*Context*
My OCD goes through theme cycles, and one of the big ones is contamination. It focuses on me contaminating other people unknowingly.
Last week, I found a suspected bed bug in my apartment. I panicked and tore apart everything to find the source - nothing. Regardless, I got overwhelmed and threw out all my bedding stuff (except my mattress) and 90% of my clothing.
I called an exterminator and they came a couple days later to an inspection and treatment. They found no evidence of bed bugs in my apartment, but treated anyway since I was super on edge. It still wasn’t enough, so a few days later I had another exterminator come in and they also concluded I have no bed bugs.
*My OCD*
Now any rationale person would conclude that there’s no bed bug infestation in my apartment. But OCD isn’t rationale. I’m obsessed with checking for bed bugs and making sure I don’t spread them to others. I inspect my entire body for potential “bed bug bites”. Any imperfection on my skin, I’m taking a picture and comparing them to online resources. Any black fluff or suspicious small particle, I’m zooming in on my phone’s camera and checking to see if it’s a bed bug. It’s totally taking over my life.
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OCD
|
Having this thrown your way...urgh. It always throws my brain into a rapid thinking moment where I just become even more stuck on what to utter from my lips. They want me to say something but if I actually do say anything in such a moment, it'll just be off-topic and stupid. "Uh, so well, the sky is really blue today"? That sounds dumb. Sometimes I just do a brief smile and chuckle when I get this, or I'll just shrug, but the most 'responsive' response I can give to this is "like what"? which is probably what I default to more often these days. I draw a blank everytime. But I'm not just gonna tell em my life story on why I just don't mentally process things super well in conversation, or how years of feeling socially idiotic and saying some fucking stupidly embarassing shit/talking too much and annoying too many people led me to develop a self-disliking complex where, I just became extremely vocally and socially reserved out of not wanting to inconvenience people with my presence. (Now that I think about it, even nowadays I don't often greet people by calling their name out-loud often because I always imagine a scenario where they're groaning and going "ugh. What does HE want?" I usually just do greeting headnods instead. If there's no reciprocation I just move on. Though this can vary depending on how comfortable I am with a person)
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aspergers
|
Seven years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 by my psychiatrist as I was having very bad and fluctuating mood disorders where I would be happy one second, to complete instantaneous anger outbursts or depressive states if things didn't go the way I would hope. I was placed on Quetiapine for my medication regime and things improved over time.
These past couple of weeks during my psyche review, my psychiatrist has made the decision along with my doctor, psychologist and mental health nurse that they will un-diagnose my Bipolar Disorder to now having ADHD with Rejection Sensitivity (RS). I was given the reasoning based on the seven years of assessments rationalised through the evidence on my past social and medical history including school and my grades, input from my mother and how the RSD is the result of why I have very severe mood fluctuations.
I will be starting my new medication regime in the next week which will include going on Vyvanse and a small dose of Clonidine to help sleep at night and reduce the RS and eventually titrate off Quetiapine completely. Along with Melatonin Extended Release.
Currently reflecting upon this and discussing with my friends, work colleagues and family, it really starts to make sense in the larger picture. My mother also said that at one point when I was younger that a school nurse suggested that I had ADHD, but my father was in complete denial due to the negative stigma associated with ADHD, thus they did not pursue it further despite my mother pleading to pursue that route. My mother was honest in saying that she was relieved for me with this and for her it made sense than the Bipolar Disorder.
I work as a nurse at a very renowned hospital and when I told my nurse unit manager, she had stated that it made sense as well in the seven years that we have worked together and how my behaviours reflected that, of someone who had ADHD. I'm lucky and blessed as well that she would like to work on strategies to make the workplace better for me with my ADHD.
I'm looking forward to the future in some aspects. But I'm also having a loss of my identity with Bipolar and coming to terms with being ADHD.
Has anyone had a similar situation with their diagnosis and accepting and living with it? The overall reaction I get when I tell people is "Wow! It makes even more sense!", like everyone knew but didn't want to say... It's a confusing thing for me... As there was not much support when it came to having Bipolar, it was almost bleak and sad, but with ADHD, everyone has come out with such an immense support and acceptance.
Also, what is like to go on Vyvanse? Is anyone on Clonidine?
\*EDIT: I've changed to Rejection Sensitivity as this is all very new territory in relation to ADHD
|
ADHD
|
I don't know what "normal" is.
I have battled anger for a long time and things came to a head last spring. It seemed within the range of normal, but because I'm a big guy (6'4") and have a booming voice my inflection seemed more. When other people lost it the same way, they were perceived as just peeved. I was told by peers I was threatening, but I can't help my size, etc. Still, I recognized I wasn't who I wanted to be and I went to a therapist who specialized in hypnotherapy. We talked about using anger as control. She was great. I can't control my size, but was taking care of my end of things.
Recently, I returned to her because of a creeping anxiety. As I stopped my angry outbursts, I began to have panic attacks. Thoughts would creep in that seemed like rational fears, but when I told my wife she would tell me I was overthinking things. As I relayed my general thinking patterns to my therapist, she suggested OCD. I often ruminate and mentally review conversations. Then I get fearful I did or said something. I'll even reread emails and mentally rework what I wrote as a form of replay. We talked about next-steps and she recommended meds.
I feel I'm standing on a line and I'm not sure which side I'm on.
I've looked at rumination as a positive. I'm thorough. I make lists. At my work an in my family, I take care of the things no one else seems to be able to stay on top of. That said, I'm not a finisher--I've read that avoidance is another OCD trait. But now I'm not seeing any of this as a positive because I'm getting resentful that people don't appreciate the time I put in "for their benefit" and the like. It is not making me happier.
I'm wondering what side of the line I'm on. For me, I seemed to have stopped feeling positive about the future. As a teacher, I used to look forward to the start of the school year and all of the things I was going to do. Now I feel dread. All of the big ideas I had in my life are now dulled. Puttering makes me happy enough, except it seems trivial. I'm feeling a spiral. Isn't that just midlife? Isn't that a call to make a change, like a new job or something? Or, ride it out?
I have been lurking in the reddit for stories that match mine. I'm looking for stories of people who have found their OCD diagnosis opened doors and what they might have done. People who thought for years their behavior was "normal" and even productive, only to find out where they stood and what they did about it. I guess I'm looking for a community because when I talk to my peers I get the full range of well meaning but unhelpful.
|
OCD
|
I’m currently on anti-depression pills, at first I didn’t let my parents know. Now I thought they would accept my situation so I told them, but they said it won’t be helpful and want to stop my from using them.
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depression
|
I'm pretty certain I am, but my parents and extended family are not the most normal, I come from a middle class background and I had some distressing moments in my childhood that I kind of overlooked because they weren't personal to me.
Thing is, I know that I have a thing, regardless.
I've been diagnosed, but it was as a child in the presence of my parents, and some of the questions seemed loaded. On the other hand, I apparently wasn't making some milestones as a baby, and I only found out about that much later.
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aspergers
|
I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people as a whole honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!"
And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid of, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.
It's all really disturbing to me, especially when I walk past/ talk to a POC & all these thoughts are rushing through my head. I know I appear visibly anxious, I just know I do, and I'm sure it's coming off as racist. I wish I could come out and tell the person "I'm worried that I'm going to be perceived as racist. I'm sorry for this tension. I have severe OCD/anxiety & none of this is because of you."
|
OCD
|
I hope this is an acceptable post for this subreddit, it seems like it follows the rules to me.
I will preface this by saying that I have gone to therapy and things are actually quite good now with tons of friends and support but I need to stop lying--to myself and others and this one is very hard to be honest about. I was in a school shooting my senior year of high school. It completely changed me and all the sudden I found myself at a college thousands of miles from home. I was so empty, I had no emotions whatsoever, I would go to class, study, workout and play CSGO, thats it. I had a few friends who I only talked to once every month or so and a long distance gf which was a horrible idea but whatever. I probably texted her once a day and then besides that only talked to people about once a week on average. I hid how bad this was from everyone and would make up lies about what I was doing and why I was the way I was. One night, I failed an exam, called my best friend and told her how much I loved her and then attempted suicide. No one except me knows this. I continued my life afterwards and acted as if nothing changed. Pretty soon I swung pretty hard to the right and became the typical college alcoholic and "made" myself forget about everything. To be honest, I only remembered this when I started therapy about a year ago and never talked to her about any of this because it was so painful and on top of that I was afraid that I would be treated as if I was suicidal then when I was not at all. I was also afraid of loosing my drivers license since it was with a car.
I don't know how to stop this just festering inside of me. How do you move forward from something like this? Do I tell my family or friends? I am so afraid they will not be able to see me as the same person.
Thank you for getting through this and being the first people I have ever shared this with, much love to this community.
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ptsd
|
Don't even really know why I'm writing this. I'm 21 years old, in community college, living at home, and my mental health spiraling downwards exponentially. For the past 5 years I've dealt with depression and anxiety and thrown my life entirely off track. I dropped out of high school to "do online school", quit that, got a GED and sat on my ass for years in my parents house smoking weed and playing games all day. Honestly looking back I thought it couldn't get any worse than how I felt then. Boy was I wrong...
I think going back at least 2 years ago I can identify OCD like tendencies forming, really just little things, making sure my door was locked an extra time, double checking the fridge was closed, making sure my car windows were up etc. Thought it was just anxiety, but slowly I began to realize that these once somewhat benign thoughts turned into much more aggressive intrusive thoughts. Those simple "rituals" turned in serious time sinks. Going up and down the stairs to make sure the door was locked over and over, back and forth to the car to check the windows/doors, and closing the fridge door repeatedly until it felt right or until I was seriously so mad I just forgot about it.
I already thought that was bad enough, but when covid started, it went downhill fast... Before I could even realize I was fully engulfed by contamination OCD. I was constantly analyzing every single thing I touch, not eating with my hands, reheating food, and of course, washing my hands an insane amount. It got to the point where my hands were incredibly dry and cracked it actually hurt physically just as much as mentally.
This was just the beginning. I already had health anxiety and have spent thousands on finding out if small symptoms were going to kill me. From one thing to the next, colon cancer, melanoma, nasal cancer, HIV, getting a girl pregnant, stis, and god knows what else. Time and time again I'd through tests and wait to see the results. Just to find out nothing is wrong, and within days or weeks I am on a new thing to obsess about.
The most recent is where I really realized this is not sustainable long term. My house has mice in it and honestly never thought much of it, kind gross but was w/e. I went to fix something with my cars ventilation system and found a mouse nest. Carelessly cleaned it up and then after realized that was not smart. Started reading about hantavirus, the plague, infections etc. etc. I went into full blown panic researching everything, calculating my chance of infection, chance of death, on and on. This was already bad enough
Of course after this, just to add the cherry on top I was sitting in my room (researching that bs) and a mouse jumped on me and bit or scratched me on the hand. I legit lost it, I actually didn't know what to do, I stood in my bathroom for hours with my hands out in a full blown panic just not knowing what to do. Could have been easily 4+ hours of doing this, absolutely lost on what I should possibly do. Eventually passed out of the toilet and awoke to still be in the nightmare, thoughts of rabies, the plague, hantavirus, etc. etc. Went to the hospital and did the whole nine. Rabies shots, antibiotics, "wound care". Cost an arm and a leg. Really the rabies obsession is still fizzling a bit but at least I can mentally fall back on the vaccine.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm broke as a joke, have to leave my parents soon, still in full blown contamination OCD, with the new obsession being HIV ofc... I don't know how possibly I can get a job and function like this. Maybe I deserve all of this, idk... I messed up my life with addiction and spiraled down since.
What really makes me so hopeless, is when I am finally free of my current obsession (whether its a day or a couple weeks, MAYBE a month if I'm lucky). I am in increasingly worse bouts of depression. Where honestly I really wouldn't care what happens to me.
Before this all started I really was the happiest and most outgoing kid that was just happy to be here on earth. Through my own poor decisions and I guess genetic predisposition to mental illness, my life has fallen apart and I see no end in sight.
I'm honestly just so over this... I have done so much to try to make myself better: therapy, diet, exercise, getting into college, getting a job, meeting new people, trying to do fun activities, and putting myself out there. And everything just gets worse...
It was one thing dealing with anxiety and depression on their own (not trying to downplay them), but adding OCD makes it really seem impossible to ever be able to function normally.
I could go on and on about different obsessions and compulsions but honestly just thinking about them stresses me out as some of them are so insane it honestly makes me cringe.
I really wish I'd just wake up one day and this nightmare would be over. Or maybe just not wake up at all. I really wouldn't be too opposed to that. To be honest I don't want to die by any means, I would love to be happy, and well... sane, but it honestly just doesn't seem realistic anymore. Regardless, I'm still fighting this fight... Just seems to be a never ending war...
I guess after writing all of this, I really just wrote this for myself. Don't expect anyone to read it, because I sure as hell wouldn't in all honesty.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else have to have designated kitchenware that only they use?
I have forks that are only for me and if someone else uses my mug, I have to buy another one.
|
aspergers
|
I’ve always been the person someone can talk to. I understand, I try to help, I try to reason, I’m human. Only to realize I am the one who needs help. I feel the need to help others yet I can not help myself. What steps or advice will help me to be the happy human I want others to see and more importantly for me to be happy about myself.
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depression
|
Anyone else here have an issue with everyone assuming their medicine is the reason for losing weight? I get so frustrated. Before I went on my medicine for my ADHD, I was constantly snacking on garbage and had a crap diet. Once starting my medication I did lose about 10 lbs but that leveled out and the weight loss subsided after the first couple months after I got adjusted to my dosage. Since being on my medicine it has given me the motivation to eat better and take care of myself better which resulted in losing weight in a healthy way. I no longer eat junk food, and I actually take care of my body now by having a balanced and healthy diet. I have lost around 25 lbs in the past 6 months but so many people act as if I’m starving myself. I went from 128lbs to 103. I’m 5 foot tall, so I am at a healthy weight for my height. I guess what I’m asking is, has anyone else encountered this same situation as well? And if so how did you battle everyone’s unsolicited opinions about your body? I’ve always lacked confidence and have had body image issues. I finally feel comfortable and confident in my own skin for the first time in my life, but now I’m starting to get self conscious about looking too thin or gross. Everyone just assumes my medicine is making me starve myself, but I eat 3 meals a day. My husband understands and has my back, but it is still so frustrating when I get told I “need to eat” or that I am too skinny. How do I explain this to people in a way they will understand? I’m tired of having the same conversation over and over again and not being heard. I wish people would just not comment on my body. Period. Maybe I’m just too sensitive, but I just feel a little defeated at the moment and could use some advice!
|
ADHD
|
This probably sounds dumb but what secrets do y'all keep to make your programming (Code/ Software Development) REALLY Good & Fast? I'm talking Bradley Cooper 'Limitless' kind of speed. My ADHD ass brain has been pumping out ideas to code up for YEARS! Now that I finished my MBA at 27, I'm tryna pump these ideas out & make Xtra side $money$ before I'm 30 & have kids. I already take Adderall every Sunday to push thru these ideas & I'm also a Caffeine whore so that helps lol, I drink Green Tea w/ the Trader Joes chai extract at 3PM to help keep the caffeine going w/o crashing after hours.
​
Idk how but I somehow forced myself to make functional React websites. Now I'm tryna master & build other cool gizmos like a few types of app servers in Linux, an NCurses GUI in C++, windows services in C#, iOS development, frameworks for sdks, etc. Anyone as crazy as me, what has gotten you into "Limitless" mode? What technique made you learn Faster?
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ADHD
|
I was going to post something encouraging because I had a really good day. Felt like some real progress. Hopefully it was. A whole normal happy connected day. Fighting triggers all weekend, and something seemingly small challenging my illusion of control. I'm here three shots of whiskey in feeling like I'll never have a normal life. I'm truly trying. My latest trauma started in July. Maybe next year it will be a scar and not a wound.
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ptsd
|
Don't get me wrong, I do believe there a several benefits to having Apserger's, like always being able to see logic, reason and efficiency over anything. And I do love the way people like me are able to think
But in my opinion, being terrified and sometimes even incapable (?) Of being able to have a conversation and meet people outweighs this
I'm just wondering what other people think?
|
aspergers
|
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