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Like it says. Haven't been able to hold a job more than a year. Never had a problem with drinking til 5 years ago. Now if alcohol touches my lips it takes 1 and 1/2 weeks of a binge to stop. I have 0 friends. Don't make any. Don't want any. Haven't had sex in that long, no matter a gf. I've always been someone people liked. Ditching modesty for a moment I'm not drop dead but I'm good looking. I just work and go home. Never leave the house. Lost my job AGAIN. More time at the house unless I lose it. Found out from a therapist at a clinic from a couple of visits. But after losing my job I have no course to take for recovery via no insurance. I can't kill myself no matter how much I want to. I have a little girl 7 I'm struggling to raise on my own (my niece. My sister died and she had no one. Being a loyal brother I made a promise). I had decided that I wouldn't be a good parent. But it doesn't matter now. I didn't see my best friends turn into pink mist or villages slaughtered. The Army turned me down. Yet here I am. I would never have guessed. But it makes sense. I've had horrifying hallucinations, can't sleep, estranged from my family due to intimidating outbursts, thoughts of suicide, and I generally don't see me ever being worth a worthwhile woman's time. I'm hurting and scared. I'm 33 and don't know what I'm doing anymore. My niece thinks I'm the sun and the moon. But I feel like I'm less than low. I don't know why I'm posting this. I just want to know if anyone else is out there.
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ptsd
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Evaluation Or Appointment Help
17m i need help for making an appointment to see if i have adhd i don’t know who to contact a psychiatrist can i go to a counselor?
my brother has ads and i have a lot of the symptoms and for the past week i’ve been wanting to make an appointment but i don’t know where to start.
I’m scared that if i go to a psychiatrist they might think i don’t have it and my mom will say see i told you so since i’ve been telling her for years to take me to get tested and now she wants me to make the appointment like she literally did it for my brother.
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ADHD
|
Trying to dissect OCD and his mechanisms.
Do you also have the feeling that OCD, when looked at it objectively, pushes you into **irrational comparisons**?
By that I mean that you have unrealistic standards for yourself, and excuse other behavior or blow up your own behavior so that it is comparable to the other behavior you have seen/read/witnessed.
And then the process starts of thinking is this comparable, and your analyze and analyze and analyze, whereas to a person from the outside your comparison may seem completely illogical to even compare.
Example:
You hear in the news about a pedophile - 'hey, wait a minute, didn't you once had such a thought. Now explain to me why you are not the same.'
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OCD
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD a while ago, and have been really making progress in recovering from it, but recently something happened with my boyfriend (we live together) that brought a lot of things back, including the nightmares.
I didn't realize I was much of a sleep talker before him, but he said last night I was telling him "I don't want to come home" and it probably was upsetting for him to hear it, since he feels bad for the incident the other day.
Anyone else still experience a lot of problems while sleeping/at night? What helps you stay in the present and feeling safe when you're sleeping/trying to sleep?
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ptsd
|
So today I saw a picture for a video with a girl in it and for a little more than a split second all I saw was a mouth and I got this feeling like I was turned on, but once I processed the rest of the image their face was covered so I couldn’t see who it really was. I feel creepy now for even feeling that for split second at all because it was some image of a random girl, but when I finally processed the full image their face was covered to the point where it was hard to tell the age. I finally read the title of the video and it said “kid” in the title so what if that was a kid. The channel also has some more sensual looking girls with headsets on so maybe my brain jumped to that conclusion and that is why I felt this way.
There is also some ad I keep getting and I feel the same way where I mistake the entire image for a like 20 year old woman for a split second before my brain processes it except it is worse because I can see their face and know that the girl is young and I feel gross.
And when I get these intrusive thoughts and shit my brain keeps telling me about how guilty I should feel and how I’ll die alone because how do I explain this to anyone and sound sane? I can’t because it isn’t normal.
And it has gotten to the point where when I get the intrusive thoughts like this about adult women in public I feel almost relieved and let it happen even though I’m gonna feel creepy for that afterwards and probably am a creep.
I get the same intrusive thoughts with family, animals, and everything gross. It is just a bit much. Once I even convinced myself I was gay before failing to get anything “accomplished” lol. I’m taking CBD and my GAD has been bumped up to severe by my therapist. Don’t really know what to do.
Edit: So today I was trying to relieve stress and a gross intrusive thought about family came into mind but I’m not sure what else I was thinking… something along the lines of “what if you are into this, keep going to see”, “just focus in the girl that isn’t related”, and most likely “don’t think about it just keep going” and I listened kept going for like two seconds before I processed everything. I feel so disgusting now and know I am not into that so why did I listen to those damn thoughts. Can someone please tell me I’m not dying alone I am just scared rn?
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OCD
|
When I was 11 years old I developed intelligence OCD, I was afraid of loosing my intelligence so I developed all kind of weird compulsions. I was a straight A student, and I have been for the past 22 years, always feeling the pressure to study, what others would think if I fail an exam, the pressure from my parents also and my social image. I had to study at crazy hours at night, I've suffered a lot with this.
My parents never took me to the hospital despite the more than evident disorder, so somehow I found a way to keep my disorder away when studying for exam, like the fear of not getting an A mark was bigger and eclipsed the fear of losing my intelligence. Of course this only happened during days before the exam when the pressure was really high so I couldn't think about anything else, and also during class because I've always felt like I have to pay extreme attention to the teacher.
Now I'm 24 years old, I just need to finish my final project for computer science degree, but I never work. I can't. And also I'm nearly social isolated so I barely have fun or entertain myself. I enjoy listening to music but not much more. I go to the psychologist, I take medication, I don't know what anything else to do. I am traumatised by all of this, I just can't study or focus, I start reading and I think I'm not understanding anything, that I lost my intelligence, that I'm losing my memory, that depression or medication is damaging my brain... I want to work and finish this but I haven't made any progress in the project for the last 8 months or so, I just avoid everything related to the project and now I don't know how to resume the project. The more I avoid, the worse it gets, more anxiety and more fear. I can't keep like this.
Please I need your advice and support, since I started reading this sub I felt totally identified with all of you.
Thank all of you for reading ❤
|
OCD
|
A lot of times what I'll do is downplay how bad I feel about things. Like I'm fat. Yet I won't do anything about it so I try not to complain about it. Like I dont excersise so why should I whine about it? It's my fault. I try to make everything logical. Yet if I think enough bad thoughts, I'll want to cry. Is this because I repress a few things? I mean I talk about it then explain logically what I mean but is that just me lying to myself? Is that why I want to cry? Cause no matter how logical I am, it's just a fat lie? Sometimes I'm just confused. Throwing myself in constant circles not knowing how to feel. Is it because I'm also autistic and on top of that repressing things and I'm actually confusing myself. Even now Idk how to feel. I've pretty much have tried to stop caring. I wouldn't even mind dying but hopefully passively. No active suicidal ideation.
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depression
|
After self identifying for a few months, I had my first assessment for ASD today. It’s the first of three but at the end, she said she thinks it’s valid for me to self identify as being on the spectrum and there’s nothing to suggest that she wouldn’t be in a position to give a formal diagnosis after the third session.
I feel validated and complete and I’m so happy I went down the road I did.
|
aspergers
|
I have a 20 page paper due tomorrow night that I haven’t looked at the prompt for (I know, I don’t wanna hear it lol). I take concerta but usually after the 12 hours, I’m completely burned out for the day and cannot do anything, no matter how hard I try. I can honestly do less after my meds have worn off in the time before I go to bed, than I can on a day when I don’t take them at all, if that makes sense.
But with this deadline I don’t have time to use the 12 hours, and then sleep and reset. I’m thinking I’m just gonna take another pill when this one wears off? I can always nap while I’m on my meds— so I can take them and keep working for a while tonight, eventually get a few hours of sleep while they’re still active, and then when I wake up I’ll still be within the 12 hours so I can wake up and continue working. And tomorrow when that second pill wears off mid-day, I’ll take a third to push me over the finish line.
Once my essay is done, I’m done for this semester, so I can give myself a long break after that.
I’m sure a lot of people will probably tell me it isn’t the best thing to do, but I’m a college student and this paper is IMPORTANT. I know I should’ve have saved it for the last minute but I wasn’t even procrastinating, I just had that much other work to do first— it’s too late to get an extension, and if it’s not in on time I’ll fail completely. So, we have passed the line of ideal choices. For the record I’m gonna do this either way lol so please don’t just shame/judge me, or worry that you’re encouraging me. I just wanna hear other people’s experiences if you or someone you know has done this? What was your experience, how did it go?
|
ADHD
|
I think the only thing stopping me is family but I have to drown out the thoughts in my head by listening to YouTube let’s plays it’s the only way my brain calms down I can’t fucking take it anymore whenever someone’s nice to me I feel bad for them cause I feel like I’m hiding someone thing from them like I need to confess to murder even when I haven’t done anything
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OCD
|
It's just hard to express myself, even though I know that by explaining something, I could maybe get help. But I can't.
Especially when I'm frustrated, I couldn't help but lash out or even break something, than explaining someone about what my problem is.
My parents don't understand me sometimes too, please help!
|
aspergers
|
I am having a LOT of trouble focusing on any work. No guides, articles or advices has helped me. I don't have time to meditate and my meds don't really help (concerta).
I need real help from others who have overcome this. So please, give me the words of wisdom for the poor to use and gain from.Thanks!
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ADHD
|
I myself have done LSD and weed. I think LSD is pretty nice but I don’t like weed as much.
|
aspergers
|
Can anyone help me understand how to distinguish an OCD worry from real life worries. Those with OCD have worries so so real, I really don’t understand how one would realize which ones are real and which ones are just OCD.
I’m trying to practice the 4 steps from brain lock but I can’t determine if my worries are valid or just my OCD
Thanks in advance!
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OCD
|
What are the strategies that have worked for you? I need some help in this topic as usually I can't even seem to figure out where to start. Thank you very much to all who answers!
|
OCD
|
So there was a guy - a creep - who texted me online. I don't know him and he sexually harassed me.
I instantly blocked him and I know that I was disgusted and scared because I felt humiliated.
I'm a really "optimistic" person. I tend to see the good in everyone and now my OCD makes me question if I liked what he said.
I constantly have thoughts like "what if I'd find him attractive if I'd know who he was? /..."
He said some sexual stuff which - if my crush would say that - would really turn me on. But this person was a total creep and stranger so it would never turn me on.
But now my OCD makes me question if it turned me on. Because that would be so damn creepy. 😭
I already posted something like this in another ocd forum and someone answered: "this isn't ocd. this is you not admitting to yourself that you liked the "creepy" stuff."
and now I question myself even more.
I for real just want to be a good, pure, loving person with good and harmless intentions. I don't want to be a person with creepy intrusive thoughts, weird kinks / sexual attractions, etc.
I'd give so much to be a normal human being with good, pure, loving thoughts and intentions. 😭 I question my whole personality ever since I have OCD.
And I even wonder if I'm lying to all of you right now. "What if I'm just manipulating myself and them?"
I feel so numb and emotionless right now even though I'm usually such a sensitive person. It makes me question absolutely everything.
I really need some encouraging, uplifting words....
|
OCD
|
I don't know if this sounds wanting r*assurance but i'm just really confused. I don't have any intrusive Thought about ped*philia or harming kids but instead I have an intrusive thought about what if I will develop a pocd.
|
OCD
|
***TW: I will be talking about my personal triggers, if you feel as though that may trigger you as well, please ignore.***
​
I never even considered me having OCD until I received my diagnosis, which was in March. Ever since then I've been trying to figure out what my obsessions are, as well as compulsions, because before, I thought how I acted was natural (which I mean it was for me) . Most of what I struggle with is intrusive thoughts, but lately I've realized there are a good bit of external triggers as well. If I'm outside for too long, I'll spend the rest of my day believing there are bugs on me and try to smack the phantom bugs off of me. I touch my nose on my right side if someone is speaking to me and they make me anxious (i.e. everyone). I have a routine for setting up to study and cannot start until everything is in check. I spend hours researching the different problems I have (both mental and physical) until I've accepted that it is what it is. My therapist and I have recently been exploring what I eat (more specifically what I refuse to eat because even though I've never been tested, I'm probably allergic and will die) and how I eat. Those are just the ones I have uncovered. I won't go into what my intrusive thoughts are because trying to think of them is triggering and will lead me spiral. I guess I just wanna know if anyone has had similar experiences and how you figured out your triggers. Is that wrong of me? I don't know. I consistently scroll through this sub and occasionally find myself jealous that others seem to have their OCD very apparent to them. I am looking in admiration to understand how you do it. How can I see my obsessions and compulsions as what they are rather than assuming everyone else feels the same and feels the same as I do.
TL;DR: Please oh please teach me your ways of understanding your own OCD. For I am nothing more than a mere OCD novice and ye an OCD veteran.
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OCD
|
I'm 2 months into dating my Aspy 41 yr old bf and I'm starting to realize that he is only truly affectionate and what I consider "his true self" when he's drinking. He isn't an alcoholic, but he does enjoy wine. Even 1 small glass of wine and hes a completely different person. When hes drinking, hes very touchy and is more in tune with his emotions and I feel like we are so connected.
Last night was the second time I saw him with no alcohol at all. Although he said he was happy I drove the 1.5 hours to see him, he was only 50% as affectionate as normal and we haven't seen each other in several days. Went to bed not even touching.
Physical touch is my biggest love language and I think its his too.
I'm really struggling. I don't want to feel like my bf only truly feels love for me when hes drinking.
But him being an aspy i don't know if this is just something to help break that barrier.
Usually we can talk and laugh about everything and be extremely touchy and constantly cuddling and lovey.
Last night I felt very uncomfortable. He kept Apologizing. He could tell I was upset. He didn't feel very good yesterday so I'm trying to not take it very personally... but I'm struggling.
I'm supposed to be meeting his kids tonight. For the first time in our relationship, I'm having doubts.
Any Aspys wanna help advise me?
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aspergers
|
I’ve lost so many “friends” because of my depression which causes me to be negative and not fun to be around because I literally don’t enjoy anything life has to offer lmao people I’ve known for years will drop me so fast if I decline 10 times in a row that I don’t want to go out drinking with them
But honestly at this point I don’t even care anymore, real friends set up real plans with you and don’t only invite you to go out partying and drinking with them, they’ll invite you to go to a hike together etc.
Want to know who your real friends are ?
Become depressed.
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depression
|
As someone who has up until recently known I probably have some form of ADHD but always have partially gaslit myself into “it’s probably just living in the modern era”, as of late I’ve started leaning into things that make my brain happy more sincerely. One of those things is music, and while I’m not a musician I do love different kinds of music and listening.
It’s definitely a different relationship to music than most of my friends… I think I rely on music to help my brain function sometimes. For instance if I listen to Oneohtrix Point Never (say, Tales from the Trash Stratum) the song helps transport my brain into a new place. It’s reminiscent of how a poem can for some people transport them, calm them down, bring upon sadness or joy or pain. Arpeggi by Kelly Lee Owens is another example of this. Something about the song just grabs the focus of my brain and for a brief moment I’m traveling with the song, rather than in a million directions at once.
Do other people do the same? Have the same connection to sound? Is it more pronounced among people with ADHD, or is this just a common thing? I don’t think it’s that common… usually when I explain why I like a song to friends I’ll get some “alright, calm down art boy” energy.
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ADHD
|
Currently undiagnosed 24yr old woman (seeking diagnosis in the UK with 0 support until assessment 🙃).
I've been doing okay-ish lately because my days have been steady, not too busy but not too dull. However today, I didn't start work until the afternoon and I haven't coped well.
I struggled to do anything before work because I was so worried I would forget about work and/or be late (I'm chronically late and it really bugs me!). At work I was extremely restless and I have struggled to get into a task to help pass the time.
Because I can't full delve into a task I have been getting intrusive thoughts about an anxiety provoking topic/event even though I'd mentally 'put it to bed'. Now I just feel like a restless anxious bundle.
Basically just looking to see if anyone with ADHD relates to this or if I'm just being my own brand of restless today!
Thanks for reading!
|
ADHD
|
I saw a reeeeeeally gross photo on reddit a few days ago, and can't get it out of my head. I try to ignore it, but it keeps popping up in my head. And sometimes my brain starts imagining other things (such as smelling it, eating it, etc).
I've just been internally cringing for days, and I can't seem to stop the images.
How do you deal with it?
|
OCD
|
Hello everyone! So I'm a tutor and I help kids with homework etc. A mom reached out to me saying that her son needs help studying, and he has ADHD.
I would love if you shared study tips with me to help him, I really care about this :) the kid is 12
• What was/is really helpful for you during study time?
• DOs and DONTs?
• do you have a particular method you'd like to share?
• anything else I should know?
Thank you to everyone who'll take time to reply!!
|
ADHD
|
I always knew there was something different about me. My girlfriend is a child counsellor and she says I'm most definitely undiagnosed ADHD. She said it years ago when we first started dating. I have all sorts of coping mechanisms. This is my first time visiting this sub and just reading a few posts so many of you are going through the exact same things I experience. I've been struggling with depression since around the start of August. I'm not letting it win this time. I'm eating healthy, I'm exercising, I'm making plans and doing stuff with my son. I quit drinking for a month and instead of feeling better I was just bored for a month. I drank last week, not lots but two or three drinks 3 or 4 nights and it's like, well those nights weren't as boring but I still don't feel anything. I don't know how to shake this and break down these walls. What are some sure fire signs that I should see a doctor and get medication? Or see a counsellor?
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ADHD
|
You know when you have trouble finding things like your keys or your coat or whatever. So then you are late always because you search for it everywhere for almost an hour and sometimes you don’t even find it.
Well I just hate when I have these problems and people just say “if you left things always at the same spot you would develop a routine and wouldn’t have that problem”. Like, I don’t control what my body does if I am not paying attention, I am literally incapable of developing a routine because when I stop thinking about it, I stop doing it.
So yeah, I just wanted to rant about it, anyone here with the same problem?
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ADHD
|
Ive seen a lot of posts about people getting flashbacks. But i dont seem to get them. Or i dont actually knkw what they feel like.
|
ptsd
|
I don’t believe to be a currently depressed person, i enjoy my life and everything about it. About 4 years ago i was very depressed though , suicidal but overcame that. Now i’m happier than ever , in a great relationship with many goals and worth. But when i drink alcohol i tend to get sad and depressed sometimes. a few weekends ago i got very drunk and started telling my girlfriend how i wanted to die and didn’t want to be here anymore and etc etc. this is not how i feel sober, i don’t know what brought that past part of me out that night but she is very upset about what i was telling her and it hurts her very bad. Is there something I can do to prevent this, fix this, should i see somebody? i don’t know but it hurts me a lot knowing that came out of me.
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depression
|
I’ve started taking 50mg today the gp said the first 2 weeks I may be more anxious and ocd may be worse? How was your experience with sertraline?
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OCD
|
Man I just peaced out after like half an hour @ my best friends bday @ an overcrowded club downtown.
It’s nothing new from me but I really though tonight was gonna be a good night, yet as soon as I stepped foot inside and was overwhelmed by the music, flashing lights, sweaty people shouting in my ear… I was like nah absolutely fuck this and started planning my getaway.
I know this isn’t a straight up adhd thing but I know it’s APD affects a lot of us and we got a tendency to get overwhelmed.
Anyone relate?
|
ADHD
|
I literally just got diagnosed today for OCD and Anxiety. My doctor prescribed me luvox, which i know has an array of side effects. I was wondering about others experiences with it and whether they liked it or not.
These are some of the side effects i’ve heard of: weight gain, cavities, insomnia, irritability, and nausea.
|
OCD
|
so I’ve been having really bad days recently but something unexpectedly bad happened today.
I go to Csula but online, so zoom. I have this teacher named Bobby Davis and I initially thought he was kind of nice and maybe someone i could look up to and talk to. But today like everyday I had bad internet the entire time I’ve lived in La the power will randomly turn off, and therefore my connection will be unstable and I can’t hear/see what’s happening every once in a while, it’s not my apt or house either so it’s out of my control to fix it.
My internet was bad and I heard him call on me and I replied that I was listening but I didn’t hear his question. He started calling me out in front of everyone saying that I wasn’t paying attention etc etc which wasn’t true I just have dodgy internet.
It really upset me and made me sad
He then wanted me to answer about a bad relationship I had with someone, I didn’t want to talk about anything like that to the whole class but he didn’t care so I had to say some stuff about my parents. I don’t think that’s a question you should pick on people to answer you should take volunteers again.
He says he cares about his students and I thought that he maybe was a teacher that actually did, but I don’t think so anymore. He acts like he’s a great person but why would you do that. I told him i had bad internet. This one time i exited class because my internet was so bad that I couldn’t understand or hear sentences and he took 15 points off of my attendance. It’s like not even teachers or people you should be able to look up to give a shit unless they already really like you. I feel like this “ little thing” just added in to my depression because I already feel alone and like things keep knocking me down.
I emailed to explain I was listening but he didn’t reply and I bet he could care less.
just a little rant bc I’m really upset about it and everyone close to me seems like it’s just whatever, which it is, but I’m still upset
I initially thought he was a good teacher but I’m glad I realized he isn’t a very good person before I confided in him and messaged him after the semester ended.
|
depression
|
My therapist keeps recommending to me to get an ADHD test at every appointment. Her office doesn’t have the resources for adult testing. Can I just find a regular psychiatrist or do I need to find a place that does that expensive, in depth testing? I don’t understand the whole process and google isn’t giving me any consistent answers.
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ADHD
|
Before I figured out what was "wrong" with me, for years I couldn't understand how I worked so hard and people thought I was lazy; How I could have such a "high IQ" and such "promise" yet get so little done; How I could forget things that other people told me were impossible to forget and that I must not care about them but I knew I really cared; How I could prepare so carefully for appointments and would sit doing nothing for a half-hour before just to make sure I didn't miss it and still end up being late and again be told I was late because I was disrespectful and didn't care... but I knew inside I cared so much I felt like screaming.
Now that I understand what the symptoms of ADHD are I can separate these traits from "who I am" and recognize it is the same as walking on crutches and having people tell me I am lazy for not keeping up. No, I'm working harder than you and I'm keeping up as much as I can.
It occurred to me that my entire life the world has been gaslighting me, telling me what I must be thinking and feeling when I knew it wasn't true. It messed with my head. On top of the actual ADHD symptoms, I was dealing with the angst and confusion of my reality not matching what I was being told.
Now that I understand, I still struggle getting things done, being on time, remembering things, but I feel so much more peace knowing I don't have some bizarre blindness to reality, that what I think is true is actually true. I do work hard. I do care.
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ADHD
|
Whenever I vent about my OCD experience and my distressing feelings caused by OCD, people especially my family would tell me about their story, that they have also been through tough times, that I'm more lucky than other people, that you can recover just stop doing compulsions (man if only I can resist it easily), that just don't think about it (again it's not that easy, it's close to impossible). These are the supposedly motivational tips and stories they say that actually annoys me.
PS I'm about to eat some nicely cook pork and I lose appetite.
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OCD
|
Can’t stress this one enough. Webmd is seriously your enemy. Did this one for years and because of it my OCD is very extreme. Even if it’s googling something like “I had the thought...” just don’t do it.
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OCD
|
I have a co-worker who has been bullying me for nearly 2 years on and off. Many times, the bullying is quite subtle and i dismissed it originally as me perhaps being too sensitive, i just needed to be more resilient. I was diagnosed with ADHD last May and now know it's likely rejection sensitivity which makes me feel so terrible. i already have a therapist and i work everyday on myself.
What i wondered and was hoping for your opinions is whether they will take my ADHD into consideration if i make an official complaint. Does rejection sensitivity negate her behaviour? Will they just think i'm just too sensitive? Many colleagues just advise me to "let it go" but the behaviour is constant and it really affects my work because i hyperfocus on the trying to fix issues that aren't fixable (she purposely doesn't help me but will help others) because i want to please others or my emotions are so raw that i simply can't concentrate and i can't get anything done. I'm an administrative assistant so i need to be able to concentrate because i keep track of so many things.
Am i still a victim of bullying even if i react stronger than a neurotypical peer? I'm really conflicted because i love my job and i love my other co-workers but this girl is making it harder and the stress is hurting my mental health stability.
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ADHD
|
I just cannot sit still and watch something without ending up stimming till I’m in pain or losing focus. What are some things people do at the same time as watching stuff? I want to watch my shows but I also need to feel like I’m doing something productive with my hands at the same time. I can’t believe people just sit still and watch shows.
|
aspergers
|
I had been putting off seeking OCD-specific treatment for the longest time... I figured "oh it's just a phase because of COVID, once I get the vaccine it'll go away..." My therapist found me a local OCD specialist, and even though he's fully booked for 1-1 treatment, he invited me to his support group. I was terrified to attend but I am so glad that I did.
I'm learning SO MUCH about myself and the validation and support from others who are going through the same things has been incredibly helpful... I'm not crazy and I'm certainly not alone.
After my first visit he basically said "yep that's a textbook case of OCD" in regards to my contamination fixation that has gotten particularly bad during the pandemic. It was already building before the pandemic though because of an office with horrible PTO policies and people not washing their hands and touching door knobs, etc. In a way it's a relief to hear the diagnosis (even if it wasn't formal) and to know that it CAN be treated.
Also learned about so many of the other "flavors" of OCD, including some that I didn't even realize I had like "Tourettic OCD" - compulsive movements that aren't tied to thoughts or conscious compulsions, just like a physical need to crack/flex/move/stretch a certain part of your body, and shopping/spending OCD - where I see something I want and the intrusive thought that if I don't buy it NOW it will disappear forever and I'll never be able to find it again.
It has been an interesting experience so far and now I really just need to try and focus more on ERP and kick myself into buying a workbook to go through (damn it ADHD).
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OCD
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This might be a long one, so I apologize in advance but appreciate anyone willing to read my venting.
As the headline states, I am currently struggling with contamination as a theme and more specifically contamination via drugs. Essentially I am afraid I will accidentally get "high" - whether it be from accidentally eating an unmarked edible or from inhaling pot smoke while walking in a public space. During the pandemic, my fears were calmed for a while as my home is a safe space for me, but now that restrictions are being lifted going in public is becoming a challenge. Any whiff of weed sends me spiraling into a panic attack which then leads me to be convinced that I am actually high because of the strong physical sensations.
With recent legalization in my state, I can only assume this will get worse and worse and it is making me feel incredibly stuck. It's gotten to the point where I will decline plans in spaces that there is a high chance of exposure to weed, which meant most recently skipping my best friend's bachelorette. It makes me super sad, but I would hate to be a wet blanket on what was supposed to be a fun day for everyone by panicking the whole time and being stuck in my head.
The worst part is, unlike some of my other themes (ROCD, existentialism OCD, etc.), I have been able to find plenty of other people sharing similar fears but for this one, I feel very much alone at times. I know many people in this community that use cannabis as a way to cope and I simply can't relate. I had one bad experience in high school and it has left me with over a decade of dissociative (DPDR) episodes and a deep fear of losing touch with reality that has now manifested in my current OCD theme.
Thank you to anyone who reads this super long rant. I am not looking for any reassurance as it relates to my OCD but it's nice to feel like I am not alone in this : )
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OCD
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So, my sister is having a really hard time right now regarding her professors and what might be discrimination case (or if not, just a case of two shitty professors that don't care about disabled students struggles), and I don't know, I just want to see if anyone has any experience, advice, and/or insights on this frustrating situation that could be useful.
Basically, to give you some background, my sister has ADHD, and is officially diagnosed and medicated. It is also recognized by the university. She also has accommodations — however, they don't explicitly cover extensions on assignments, which has been the issue of contention here (although they *do* mention directly about working with the student to meet their needs, and providing empathy),
Essentially, the issue has been, in two cases this semester, with two different professors, my sister requested extensions on assignments because of how overwhelmed she was feeling, with her documented disability as well as spiraling mental health (anxiety and depression). But instead of being even the slightest bit understanding or empathetic, the two professors she has been in communication with have been practically hostile and completely unwavering. One of them flat out won't accommodate her and added "every college student has mental health issues" and he "can't treat her differently" (ignoring that she actually has a documented disability that the school recognizes she should be accommodated for). The other has been doing the bare minimum but acts like a saint, saying my sister should feel lucky she gave her a D on her previous essay that would have earned a 97 if not for all the unnecessarily harsh grade point reductions for turning it in late (and also added, "having a disability is not an excuse to turn in assignments whenever she wants", despite the fact the professor refused to grant extensions in the first place, which my sister reached out in advance to ask for). The second professor also refused to grant an incomplete for my sister having what is essentially a mental breakdown this week for being pushed around and not having anyone willing to give her a shred of empathy, when the incomplete policy there is essentially any outstanding personal, mental, physical situation, including mental health crises.
TL:DR: there are two professors, who won't grant my sister extensions on one assignment despite her mentioning how much she is struggling despite her disability, that have sent shitty emails and said some hurtful things. And they have refused to respond and say she needs to take this higher than them, which is frankly ridiculous over an extension.
I know my sister is in a bit of a nebulous situation. Her accommodations don't SPECIFICALLY include extensions on assignments (her school doesn't offer them for some reason, which is why), though she does have accommodations for other things, like extended time on exams and note-taking tools, and they are still under general policy to accommodate for disability and prevent discrimination/equal opportunity (though again, maybe this is not something the school/office of disabilities sees as needing to accommodate since they don't offer assignment extensions as an option). Thus, I don't know... can it be called discrimination for a teacher to refuse to accommodate a student with disability (by not granting extension or even offering the slightest bit of flexibility) when there is nothing in her letter or in policy that says "extensions on assignments"?
I feel like there MIGHT be something here? My sister is a good student with a good record and grade otherwise in both classes. Her advisors are usually on her side with things. And I'm not leaving anything out either, her scenario is really as simple as she needed an extension on two assignments because of what she was going through, and her teachers have basically minimized and denied her disability verbally and through actions that either refuse to acknowledge her disability, or punish her for it (the one professor has used extremely punitive grading that honestly feels personal). So, I'm not sure. Is that enough?
If these two classes didn't really matter for her grade, and these projects didn't mean the difference between passing and failing, my sister would definitely have moved on by now. She's not trying to be dramatic or weaponize her situation, in fact she already blames herself so much even though in my opinion it's mostly not her fault. But these professors' lack of empathy has made her so upset, and I just... ugh. It makes me so mad she's treated like this, although I am not surprised. And we both kinda feel powerless about it. Like, are these cases/situations taken seriously at any university?
So in sum, I know this is a bit of an unpredictable and maybe too specific situation, but does anyone here think she would have a case at all to take this higher to anyone, like her advisor, the Dean of Students, or the Office of Disabilities? Does anyone have experience trying to prove disability discrimination like this in college? Or is it a lost cause, especially with the nebulous policies? Any thoughts and/or support are greatly appreciated!
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ADHD
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i had a really bad ocd episode yesterday and it took a while for my bf to help me with it but even if he says i’m a good person and he knows my heart really well even if i don’t, i cant help but feel i’m really not a good person, although this is probably because of my ocd and low self esteem. i feel very guilty/sad since it just feels like i’m lying to him :( does anyone struggle with this?
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OCD
|
Is it possible for someone to mellow out and become kinder with age? My grandfather is a 75 year old Vietnam vet. The grandfather I've always known is intelligent, funny, likable, sociable, and full of youthful energy. He's also in excellent physical health and still has huge muscles and a six pack.
According to my aunts and uncles, though, he was very different in his 20s and 30s. They described him as a brooding, embittered man who would scream at them and smash things over the smallest of offenses. They say he relaxed some in his 40s out of a sense of guilt and desire to change, but that he was still grim and extremely serious; and that he lightened up tremendously in his early 50s after beginning antidepressants, and that as his 50s went along became outright friendly and jovial.
I don't know. Does this sort of personality change sound possible, especially when it sounds like a fairly rapid one (complete maniac in 30s, non-abusive but gruff in 40s, progressively more friendly throughout the 50s)? Or are my aunts and uncles probably exaggerating what he was like back in the old days?
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ptsd
|
Hi Everyone,
I've been meaning to post for awhile, but you know how it goes. I (29f) was diagnosed at 23-24 with inattentive ADHD and anxiety. I had always done well in school and at any job I had but now that I've been on my medication (40mg XR daily) for quite some time, I realized some really shitty things and often wonder what life should be like if I never got prescribed it.
1. I have a much difficult time getting motivated to do anything unless I take adderall. This was not as big of a problem or the case before
2. After not taking adderall for a few days I feel what I can best describe as depression- maybe goes hand in hand with #1
3. If I'm not on my meds, I'm not doing diddly squat- at work, anything, ugh. I am potato.
For context I am a 4th year PhD candidate in a molecular biology program. I am worried I will need to be stuck on adderall indefinitely. Especially if I do a post-doc, then more academia/work/etc... I am also on Wellbutrin, am prescribed lorazepam and trazodone (but don't take these two often). I think the Wellbutrin helps prevent the narcolepsy-like effects of not taking adderall after a bit.
Can anyone else relate? Anyone else regret getting prescribed this or something similar?
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ADHD
|
I’ve been going to therapy 2x a week for over a month now. We just started discussing some issues and I just completely shut down. Like all I could say was just “yeah probably” or “I don’t know”. It was bizarre and the first time that it’s happened in therapy. Has this happened to you before? Is there a reason why this happens? Thanks in advance.
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ptsd
|
This post was supposed to be a rant.
I was feeling a bit gloomy after a flash-back, but as I kept writing I started to calm down. Hence the change in the tone.
Also, I wanted to point out that what I'm talking about is obviously just a small part of the process of getting back on your feet, but still it felt essential to me. Everyone's experience is different and this is just my personal perspective.
Sorry for my broken English, I hope this can be helpful to someone.
I guess I have improved a lot in the last year.
I really don't want to go back to the hole of despair I was trapped in, but sometimes I get scared I might let myself slip off into it again.
To prevent that, I make sure to bury any thoughts about my past very deep as soon as I sense them arise, of course some of them manage to sneak out and they get back at me in spades.
I still get glimpses of moments I had successfully forgotten about.
It makes me feel like I'm still there, but it happens less and less frequently and every time it gets easier to snap back.
Up until a year ago, I was leading a life that was split in half between the present and the past.
The present seemed to be so dull, as if I were half-asleep, while the past felt so much more real and threatening.
I used to be so angry, I don't know how else to describe it other than it felt like fire was running through my veins. It was the only thing I felt and I couldn't help but cling to it, since it seemed to be my life's sole purpose and sustenance.
I kept reliving the events of my trauma, going through them in my head over and over again. Each time getting angrier and angrier.
I didn't mind it at all, I was actually glad for this blind rage. As if it fueled me.
**START OF TRIGGER WARNING**
I had spent so much time in captivity, fighting tooth and nails to survive, being tortured and raped every single day, not knowing if I would have managed to go on living, or if the time had come for me to be offed.
**END OF TRIGGER WARNING**
After I escaped, ordinary life was simply idle.
Hadn't it been for this anger, I would have just gone numb.
Although comforting, I came to realize that I would have never been able to move forward without letting go of it all, the anger, the constant replay of gruesome scenes in my mind, the pointless questions that would never find any answers.
Things were also getting out of hand, to the point where I involuntarily broke my friend's arm as I was startled by her giving me a hug unexpectedly.
I was horrified at what I had done.
I'm a petite girl but I've been fighting professionally for a long time and I couldn't bear the thought of harming someone whose only fault was getting caught between my messed up brain and me.
It's a hard process to forget about the abuse I had been through as a child and then again as an adult, but I'm managing and it does get easier.
I had never thought it to be true, but time really does heal all wounds.
But most importantly it's the people you love. Keep them close. Even if you feel the need to cut everybody off and confine yourself in your pain, don't. Don't let this trauma induced sentiment prevail.
It's not what you or your loved ones need.
The ones we care about are the only thing that keeps us grounded to reality, to the present.
You can take small steps, there's no rush, you don't have to let everyone in on everything you are feeling unless you want to. Just try, as difficult as it is, to be open to their affection.
Being passionate about something is hard after you have survived trauma and readjusting to everyday life is particularly disorienting when you don't have a purpose, you just feel hollow. A good place to start is making it a point to be able to take care of the people you love. Having to be someone your dear ones can rely on, eventually makes you get back on track and you are going to become even stronger than you were before.
It's ironic how being a survivor makes you feel so dead inside, it might feel like you have lost all control over your own body and mind.
But please know this kind of feelings are only temporary. You have gone through a nightmare and made it out alive. You will overcome these feelings as well.
You won't have to look back at the person you were before in sorrow, you are growing to become someone you will learn to love.
You will have suffered greatly and still been able to pull yourself back up, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
Life only gets better and better from here, it's tough but so are you.
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ptsd
|
On my first session my therapist explained to me that I should treat intrusive thoughts as if they were spam in my mailbox. I shouldn't open it immediately upon receiving it, and a quick glance should be enough to recognize and categorize it as such. I shouldn't bother to read the content in detail and should quickly dismiss it.
Although I found that analogy useful, it didn't address where my intrusive thoughts came from, or why I was getting those 'e-mails' on those particular subjects so often.
Now that I have overcome my OCD, I realize that I had not only been reading and believing the spam that I received, but I had been responding to them too, actively engaging with the sender on the subjects. And as everybody knows, that's about the worst thing you can do.
I hope this analogy works for you.
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OCD
|
I got a Concerta prescription in a different city not where my health care is. They told me that next time I have to go to my home city for a prescription.
I visited a new doctor today in my city and she refused to prescribe Concerta for me. She said it caused epilepsy to a few of her patients and she could only prescribe Strattera. She said I should not take Concerta because it's harmful and addictive like painkillers .
Keep in mind this is not in the USA.
My question is , Is what she said true?
Or are there any cases proving what she said?
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ADHD
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I've been thinking about trying non-stimulant meds for a while now (I work long hours and have a lot going on at home, so I need relief from my symptoms for more than just 8 or 10 hours a day, and taking a second stimulant does messes with my sleep). My psychiatrist and I are going to talk about it at my next med management appointment. However, I accidentally experimented on myself today by forgetting to take my meds. (It was a weird morning.) The day was definitely harder in all of the expected ways, BUT I also noticed that I was much less stressed or anxious in general, especially considering something pretty bad happening at work. This has me hopeful that non-stimulant meds may have more benefits for me than just lasting longer without messing with sleep. Has anyone here found Concerta effective but then switched to a non-stimulant medication? What was your experience like?
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ADHD
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Wasn’t sure how to word the title. I, for multiple reasons, have had to learn how to suppress my struggles and my bad days and keep it tight lipped.
My SO on the other hand, idk it like when they are having an off day mentally, if they can’t pin point an exact reason why, then they take out their arsenal of any and everything I’ve ever done wrong and fixate on something from that list, then spend the entire rest of the day (sometimes multiple days) mad at me and not talking to me.
It’s so frustrating. Do you guys do this same thing? Do you know why? Anyone else have someone like this in their life?
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ptsd
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hello ! i'm 15, and i've had diagnosed OCD since september of 2020. i'm not going to get into great detail about it, but i have this dumb, teenager fantasy where if i'm upset or stressed, i imagine someone next to me hugging me. now, my OCD has started making me envision a child next to me. i'm a very imaginative person, so it kind of really freaks me out that i even have the ability to imagine it. i've also started associating children with sex; i've seen people with this same symptom on here, and it's great to know i'm not alone, and i know it could be normal teenage oversexualization shit, but i am thinking about sex constantly. it's like a living hell lol, i'm so desensitized (in part due to past trauma) that it just pops up constantly and i don't feel the same disgust as i did at the start. i'm in therapy, doing exposure techniques, but it is genuinely so terrifying and i just don't know what i'm supposed to do if i find out that i really am a pedophile. the thing is; (i've done loads of research), it matches. although pedophilia is rare in women, it still crops up at around 15-16 - which is just another thing my ocd uses to torment me. i'm kinda losing my mind, due to covid - and i'm relatively certain i have depression. my memory is getting worse and worse, i can't even focus, and i'm tired constantly. i think all of that's been caused by just, the constant stress my ocd puts me under. possibly a trauma response? having graphic, unwanted sexual images filtered into your brain every second of the day has been genuinely traumatic for me, at least.
​
anyway, this was kind of a rant. lemme know if you have similar experiences
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OCD
|
Hi all,
I'm going to share a bit about my younger brother, who's been dealing with mental illness for a long while now- Psychotic depression, OCD, and anxiety. It's become much worse in the last year or so - to the point he's had to be hospitalized and sent to local rehab facilities. I'd love to read your input. If you have opinions, suggestions, or if you have a similar experience, I'd appreciate your comment.
Since he was young child, he's always been a handful. He had regular outbursts and was just an all around difficult kid for my mom and dad to handle. Our mom passed away when he was 6 years old (I was 12) to alcoholism. My mom and dad were separated and divorced at the time but it hit our family hard, expectedly. Our mother had severe mental health issues since she was a teen/young adult. It escalated as she got older, and especially the last 5-6 years old her life when she used alcohol to cope. My mom and dad's relationship was rough before they separated. It was even worse when my mom was drinking - she turned straight evil at times and I remember multiple occurrences when I would awake in the middle of the night to hear them fighting and breaking glass. At that point, my brother was extremely young and probably wouldn't remember too much.
Anyways, after my mom passed I remember how badly my dad was affected by it. Mostly, because he was now a single father caring for two children without a mother figure. It was overwhelming and the years following, he suffered with severe depression and alcoholism as well. Money was a struggle as well. My dad and I had an OK relationship while I was growing up. My dad and my brother's relationship was never great. I always felt like my brother had a lot of resentment towards my dad and my dad had such little patience for my brother. As I reached my teen years, I really began to notice the excessive anger outbursts from my dad. He got mad so easily. He was impatient and selfish and often times acted like he didn't want to even be a dad. He could also be really loving and supportive and give great advice, but he struggled with his own mental issues for a while. He was a "loner" and I remember how frequently he would avoid social settings. He had OCD tendencies, too, but not as bad as my younger brother who started developing them in his pre-teen/teen years.
(Thankfully - my dad ended up going to rehab a few years back and quit drinking entirely for years. He switched up a lot of his bad habits and turned to a much healthier lifestyle. He still has some mental health issues, however, rehab really helped him get his life back on track. At least for the time being.)
My brother's OCD started in his early teen years. He would do weird things that tap his feet 3x in a certain spot on the floor. He would make sure doors were always closed. He'd have to make sure everything his room stayed in a specific spot, etc. He would say certain phrases/words in a specific way. As the years went on, it got worse. He wouldn't eat dinner unless it was a specific time. He wouldn't go to bed until wee hours in the morning. If he woke up past a certain time, he wouldn't even bother to get ready and would skip school occasionally. If my dad happened to be taking a shower at the time HE wanted to take a shower, that would ruin his entire day and sometimes put him in this severe "funk" and he would try really hard to not go to school that day.
Aside from all of that, he had a best friend who lived down the street. They would hang out quite a bit and I'm sure his friend noticed these odd habits of my brother's. Eventually, it got to a point where he barely left his bedroom aside from school and he wouldn't hangout with anyone anymore. He played games on his computer late at night, which was the one thing he seemed to enjoy for awhile, but eventually that stopped as well. His senior year in high school was not easy. He had trouble getting his work down outside of class and nearly failed a few of his classes. Somehow, he managed to pull his grades up last minute and graduate. He's always been a very smart kid. Book smart. He never had to study and he would still get A's on tests. But when it came to doing actual homework, he wouldn't do it and his grades would suffer.
After he graduated, my dad and him moved (I was already moved out living with my boyfriend and son). They moved from the house they (we) lived in for over 10 years. My brother, actually, seemed excited about it and I remember talking to my dad before the move thinking that (maybe) this would be a good decision for my brother. Perhaps it could help with his OCD, etc. Well, they moved to a smaller place, a 2 bedroom apartment about 10-15 mins away from where they lived before. It was a change for both of them, and for me too, but the responsibility my dad had owning the last house, he just couldn't keep up financially. This was a good, comfortable place so my dad could save money for the time being. At first, it was okay. Not great, but okay. My brother and my dad still had their poor relationship, but it was manageable. He started college at the local community college. He rode the city bus that came right in front of their apartment building and went to school. He started in August and by November came around, he was already so far behind he couldn't keep up. He started missing his classes frequently because he would oversleep. He wouldn't do his homework. He had all the time in the world to do his school work, but he would come home and just sit around - literally staring at the walls, saying he would do it "later" or it wasn't the right "time" to do it now. He wouldn’t go to school because he hadn’t done his work. He would stay awake all night and sleep all day. It got to a point where my dad had to get me and other family involved, not just because of school (my dad didn't care about that) but because of his extreme, worrisome behavior.
We sat down with some loved ones, whom he's always been comfortable with, and talked, casually not confrontational. He mentioned how he was depressed that he couldn't keep up with school and that his OCD was keeping him from being able to keep up. He said he was "in control" and could "fix this" meaning he could fix his OCD. He, also, has severe social anxiety and gets visibly nervous when speaking to people. He shakes, his voice sounds robot-like, and he doesn't look people in the eye.
We spoke about how he could get help for this, speak to a psychologist, etc. At first he downright resisted and said he could help himself. We left him alone for a bit to see what would happen. Weeks went by and eventually he stopped eating. He was in bed, literally, all day. My dad couldn't get his 18yo son to leave the house or his bedroom. He went weeks without showering, barely eating, and mostly sleeping. If he was awake it would be when everyone else was asleep. He kept his phone off. Didn't respond to texts of phone calls. He was completely isolated. His room smelt bad because he never showered and he lost a ton of weight - he was already slim to begin with. At this point, my dad convinced him (somehow) to go to the hospital and get help.
He went. He got help. He was then sent to a local rehabilitation facility for a few days afterwards and they made sure he was eating, taking medication, etc. He gained a little weight, seemed more "alive," then came home and all it took was 24 hours for him to go back into the same cycle: sleeping all day and totally isolated. Since then, he's spoken with a psychiatrist and went to counseling maybe once a week or once every two weeks, if he could actually physically force himself to leave the house. It helped some, but not enough. He had another one of his long episodes of sleeping all day, barely eating or showering, until the point he had lost a ton of weight and was forced to go back to the hospital.
He went to the hospital again for a day or two - then was sent back to the rehab place. This time, he was then sent to a different behavioral health facility. This facility is not long term, but he stayed there for a few weeks. He had consistent groups he would meet with, he had a schedule, he was eating and taking his meds. When he left that place, he had put on 30 lbs in such a short time. He was actually talking to people, holding conversations, and getting out of the house. He was not getting consistent therapy at this point - this was solely the benefits of the medication he was on. He still had a long way to go, but for about a week or so he seemed like a different person. He talked about getting a part time job, getting his license, etc. He finally opened his new computer that he bought a year prior that he wouldn't open because it was never the "right time." He played games with my boyfriend. Then, he decided the medicine was making him feel funny. It made him shake all day, he was having tremors. My dad suggested that he call his doctor and see if he can switch medications. His doctor said to lower the dose, which he did, but at that point he stopped taking the medicine consistently and was falling back into his bad cycle. This was the same time Covid-19 started and everyone was quarantined in our area (not great for someone who's mentally ill). He stopped taking the medicine, and started not doing anything again. The whole sleep all day thing was back. My dad couldn't get him to do anything no matter how hard he tried.
Here we are today and he's worse than ever. We have no long term mental health facilities that specialize in my brother's condition(s). My family has considered trying to send him to a facility in Wisconsin that specializes in OCD, but it's expensive and he would have to agree to go since he's technically an adult. My dad lives with him and it's gotten to a point that it's effecting my dad's sanity. My brother and my dad's relationship has never been great. For whatever reason, my brother has so much resentment towards my dad and my dad has lost all patience for my brother. He's tried to help him but my brother doesn't listen or flat out refuses. I can't even get through to him - it's like I'm talking to a brick wall. It's like he's a ghost. It's as if he's a soul-less body. It's as if he wants to avoid all responsibilities and the reality of the world.
To showcase how bad this is my dad asked my brother to turn out a light the other night and my brother responded, "don't ever ask me to do anything." My dad made the mistake of asking him to blow out a candle and then quickly remembered he shouldn't have asked and blew it out himself. Later that night, when my dad was nearly asleep, my brother walked into his bedroom as angry as can be and told my dad, "you should have never asked me to blow out that candle!" And at that moment, my dad said he felt like he could kill my brother. Obviously, he doesn't want to kill him, but with the years my dad has witnessed him doing the same things, he's burnt out, he's tired, and he's lost all patience. The fact that my dad said "kill" gave me chills. It's that bad.
It's at a point now that my dad doesn't know what to do. My brother is 18 years old but he's mentally unstable and can't make decisions for himself. Everything requires my brother's permission, which is crazy because he can't make logical decisions. My dad said he's often scared - for both himself and my brother. He worries that he's going to come home one day and he's going to be dead.
I don't know what should be done, but I know my brother needs to be elsewhere. He needs to have daily therapy. He needs regular counseling. He needs help - for years to come - if he's going to do anything in his life. Otherwise, it will keep getting worse and I worry every day what the outcome could be. It's so hard finding a facility that properly specializes in a situation like this. I'm afraid this is going to become a legal matter.
Someone mentioned to me that he could have a form of PTSD, in addition to everything else, what do you think?
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ptsd
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Okay, I went to see my primary care doctor about getting a diagnosis. He referred me to an outpatient behavioral health clinic.
I guess I thought I would be able to see a psychiatrist when I got there but instead I had to spend that visit with a social worker answering questions about my mental health and generally focused on depression. (I don’t and haven’t ever really struggled with my mental health in that way, though).
Now I have to join a newcomers group therapy session before I can get a psychiatric evaluation and medication. Is this a normal process for a diagnosis?
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ADHD
|
hii everyone, I'm sorry if this isn't allowed but I've recently found this sub after a psychologist suggested I may have Asperger's after many misdiagoses of OCD, Anxiety/Depression and to be quite honest a mental battle with myself of not feeling normal and feeling "weird".
I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who posts in this sub, just from reading it it has given me a huge relief to know other people see and feel the world from a somewhat same perspective as me and it is very reassuring to feel that I'm not weird at all, my brain just works a little differently. I have taken the 2 tests in the pinned post and came out with relatively high scores and I am now going to look into getting properly diagnosed. It has made me feel very emotional just to be able to relate with others who understand what day to day life is like and I am very excited to stay in this sub.
thank you thank you thank you!!!!
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aspergers
|
I strongly believe that I don't fit in the aspie "community ".
From my experience as a darker skinned person(brown Mexican/not white-passing), my personality/asd is not as understood because of people's assumptions based on race. Can this be the case?
Do any non-white/non-privileged people(or anyone) have any ideas or thoughts?
I understand that everyone has struggles but I can't help thinking about how my racialized experience is different from others.
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aspergers
|
Currently, my depression is at it’s worst it’s ever been. I thought by having one, huge mental break down after Thanksgiving to unveil years of keeping it in internally would have resolved the issue. Unfortunately, I was very wrong. This time around with the pit fall, I find it hard to get out of this abyss of emptiness. My tears have continued to slowly drown me for the passed how many days. I have been to therapy but my last one abandoned me. This caused to have a fear of speaking out not only to a professional, but anyone within my circle for support. I am doing my best to band aid myself by showering and going to the gym. Nothing is working on how it helped me cope like before. I want to reach out to my boyfriend, but I feel like I put a strain on our relationship by pointing out things that made me upset. In return, he feels bad and this makes me feel horrible. I treasure our relationship and do not want him to leave me. Please give me advice on how to dig myself out of this grave of cement and fight the black hole that continues to suck me right in.
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depression
|
I’m proud of myself, I was so fucking scared to do this but I finally just did it.
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OCD
|
OCD really ruins games like that for me. i don’t know how to enjoy them without obsessing over every little detail. anyone else struggle to enjoy animal crossing? does anyone have any tips on how to enjoy the game like “normal” ? :( i hate how having OCD ruins things i love. just want to enjoy things without obsessing to the point where it becomes unhealthy
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OCD
|
Off and on I'll hear drumming in my head or screaming. It's not so much a sound really, more of I can feel it and I know what it is. If that even makes sense. I can't find any way to make it stop. Any advice welcome! It's been going off and on for years, it's not happening at the moment but assuming it comes back I would love some way to try and stop it or make it quiet enough I can function effectively. Thank you for your time and support, stay safe, you're doing great :)
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ptsd
|
I would mean that all of the suffering and pain were all for nothing.
​
There, i sad it. I have a great chance to change my life completely, improve and start living normally, but it's this bitterness that's stopping me from doing that.
|
depression
|
you ever cry so much that your eyes become so swollen to the point where it’s hard to blink? or is that not normal
|
depression
|
I saw a video about relationship ocd saying that if you cheat you shouldn't confess to your partner. I find this outrageous.
|
OCD
|
I have been struggling with maintaining am exercise routine most of my adult life. Which sucks, since I notice I feel alot better when I manage to exercise on a regular basis. I have alot more energy, feel more positive, have better posture, get more motivated to eat better, sleep better. Everything is just better when I do it. So I really wish I could find a way to make it work for me. It seems like a solution for so many of the problems in my life.
Does anyone here have some good tips? What has worked for you?
|
ADHD
|
Recently my harm OCD has been having flare ups, especially in the early mornings and at work.. that being said, through all of the obsessive thoughts and terrible feelings of confusion, fear, despair and evil, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it is all in my head and remind myself who I am. Scripture and prayer helps a lot. (trying not to make it compulsory)
Sometimes my head feels uncomfortable and I just feel like I can’t get away from this mindset, but when this happens, I remind myself that at some point soon I will feel better, and that helps me relax.
You will not become your OCD fear, no matter how much if feels legit.
At times when you can’t feel like you can trust yourself or hate yourself, you need to find something or someone else to put hope and trust in. For me, that’s Jesus.
You all got this!!
Have a great day
|
OCD
|
I saw a psychiatrist a few days ago and received the diagnosis of “GAD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Mixed Obsessional Thoughts and Acts.” The last one has a code of F42.2. She told me at the end of our appointment that I had OCD. But I’m just wondering what “Mixed Obsessional Thoughts and Acts mean”. Does it mean it’s not as severe? Is this just what OCD is called in the medical world? I’m confused. She also put me on Zoloft.
|
OCD
|
What did we do to deserve this shit illness. Whenever i browse this subreddit i see posts of people in utter pain and suffering and i feel incredibly bad that we gotta live like this for the rest of our lives. Why do we have to go through such an eternal hassle just to overcome a shitty mental affliction that we never chose to have in the first place.
|
OCD
|
So about a week ago or so I made a post on another sub about how I thought I was brainwashed into my religion (pretty stupid I know). But apparently my behaviour actually pointed more to me having OCD.
Its pretty dumb but because of my upbringing, until recently, I was really religious until I discovered that maybe I didn't believe in God.
However, recently I keep doing this thing where I do the sign of the cross (basically a religious gesture which symbolises the Holy trinity) all the time. The reaction is mostly triggered by watching reading or even thinking about something 'ungodly', for example I know it's really bad but I do it when I see people from other religions praying to their own personal god.
The problem is that it's become more frequent and hard to control. Like if I'm doing anything I feel like I HAVE to stop and do it. It's not debilitating or anything but it's pretty annoying and I can't control it so I find myself doing it in front of other people which is pretty embarrassing at times. It's a sort of feeling where if I don't do it I feel like I can't breathe or I feel overwhelmed with panic and I know it sounds silly but sometimes I feel like crying.
I know my mother has OCD, although I'm not sure if it's something that can be passed down, but I've always had trouble with doing things compulsively.
Like I've always done this thing where I tap my thumb to one of my fingers, and I must do it an equal amount on both hande. Or even when my arms or legs or hands brush up against something I feel like I need to do the same to the other side, to make it equal or else something bad is going to happen.
I'm also a neat freak, and I know that this is a common misconception because people think just because they don't like dirt it means they have OCD, but much like my mother, we are really obsessed with germs. I can stand clutter, sometimes I create it, but not dirt. I often find myself washing my hands over and over or spending upwards of 2 hours showering.
I'd like to know if I really do need to get this checked out, I don't want to just assume something is wrong. I've always suspected that I may have ADHD or OCD but it's gotten a lot worse recently with constant fidgeting and hyperfocus on these silly things.
Thank you for reading, please let me know if you do think I should get this checked out.
|
OCD
|
Sometimes I have thoughts like what if i just put these feltips in my eyes or what if i cut my self with this knife. I never do them beacause i know it would impact my life and it would be stupid but im scared of actually doing it. Also i know i have ocd and probably have adhd but im too scared to tell my parents. It makes me think that what if i tell them and it turns out i don't have it. I promised to myself to tell them before i start my gcse's but im scared. Last night i had to clean, the pikachu i've had scince i was a baby with wipes, that i forgot about for ages alll beacause my brother hadnt cleaned his hands.
|
OCD
|
Hey, I'm a 26M aspie and I am currently looking into several career options for the near future as I am finishing my master's degree in Roman history this summer. I initially wanted to pursue a Ph. D but the uncertainty of being employed after completing it makes me reconsider my choice. At the moment I'm looking into finances (most notably financial analyst or quantitative researcher) but I have no experience nor skills in maths or statistics. Does anyone here works in finances and would be kind enough to share his or her experience in the field ? Especially the social aspect and the work environment ? What can I do to make sure my skills are at the level required before applying ?
​
I'm also looking into fashion but as a salesman, not a designer.
​
Best regards.
|
aspergers
|
So i really struggle with connecting with other people. I feel alot of times like im an alien and that i exist in a different world than other people because i often struggle with connecting.
I also feel like that people generally dont like me. I dont know why but i always felt/continue to feel that people are constantly judging me and that people generally dislike me for some subtle reason i don't understand.
I make videos about Magic Cards on my YouTube channel and people have told me that i come off as creepy, that i sound drunk or high sometimes, or that im an asshole and i frankly dont understand any of that.
I just dont understand NT people.
|
aspergers
|
Most of day, I am really Low of Energy and feel sad. When I go outside and talk to people I just want to cry, but also in moments where i am not sad. Thats the reason I don‘t want to go outside. Is it possible that I have depression and what can I do against that?
|
depression
|
I sometimes make fake scenarios in my head and voice them out loud. I insert myself into movie scenes and react to things from the movie in the way I would irl. I have an imaginary friend who acts and reacts exactly like me and I voice them irl. Please tell me I’m not the only one.
|
aspergers
|
two years ago around this time i had my first depressive episode. im back at home for break and instead of it being restful and fun and warm, it’s isolating and stressful and depressing. i spend hours in my bed-both awake and asleep-stressing about how i know i wont achieve my goals. how i know I have all of these assignments to do, but i wont do them. i stress about the fact that i cant really move. my mom is going through her own shit but is still doing so much around the house to prepare for a thanksgiving. she needs my help and is afraid to ask for it because ive gotten mad in the past. really, me getting mad is a reflection of the frustration I feel with myself. why is everything so hard for me to do? depression makes me so lazy and selfish. i know thats not who I am at my core but it’s really hard to believe that right now. everyone around me is going through something but they seem to suck it up and engage with life. meanwhile here i am in bed, letting life pass me by.
|
depression
|
**What Is Asperger's Syndrome?**
Asperger's Syndrome (AS), also known as High-Functioning Autism (HFA), is the old name for what is now generally called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Level 1. It is a neurological disorder characterised by a difficulty with communication, a lack of social awareness, unusual use of vocal and non-vocal language, a greater or lower sensitivity to one or more stimuli, and obsessive patterns of behaviour or activities. People with ASD are often bullied, marginalised, and generally discriminated against for their unusual behaviour by neurotypicals (NT) making it difficult to enter into friendships or relationships, leading to loneliness, depression, and suicide. The cause is currently suspected to be a mixture of genetic and environmental causes, though there's little evidence for any theory. All we know for sure is that ASD is lifelong and uncurbable, though therapy can help. For more information please visit the [FAQ's](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/wiki/faq).
**Why Get A Diagnosis?**
An official diagnosis can help you understand yourself, your behaviours, and can rule out other conditions that often overlap with ASD but are treated differently. Examples include Depression, Social Anxiety, [Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)](http://hsperson.com/), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Social Communication Disorder (SCD), and a number of other disorders. For many a diagnosis is an answer to a lifelong question of why they felt so different.
It can also get you access to various support programs. In the UK you can receive [Personal Independence Payments](https://www.gov.uk/pip), several employers will guarantee an interview for applicants with disabilities including autism. You can gain special permissions, such as wearing shoes that are normally disallowed in a dress code or exemptions from performing certain types of work. Schools and universities can offer you more time to complete exams or access to tools and mentors to help with your learning.
**Should I Get A Diagnosis?**
Some people don't get a diagnosis for a variety of reasons, preferring instead to refer to themselves as self-diagnosed. Depending on where you live getting a diagnosis can be expensive, overly difficult, a great deal of hassle, or in some instances literally impossible. There are online tests that can indicate how likely you are to be on the spectrum, however they are not a substitute for an official diagnosis required to get access to the previously mentioned support programs.
* The [Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)](https://psychology-tools.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/). Scores above 32 on this 50-question test indicate a high probability of ASD.
* The [Ritvo Autism Aspergers Diagnostic Scale-Revised](http://www.aspietests.org/userdetails.php?target=/raads/questions.php). Scores above 65 on this 80-Question test indicate a high probability of ASD. Much more accurate.
**How Do I Get A Diagnosis?**
A diagnosis will normally consist of several interviews with a professional who will observe your behaviour and ask a series of questions design to reveal your ways of thinking. These questions will be a mix, some about how you would behave in certain theoretical scenarios, other about life events and how you reacted to them. They will also ask about your current abilities and if you've demonstrated any others in the past. As previously stated, getting a diagnosis is often very difficult if not impossible, it depends entirely on where you live. Every option has a very long wait time, usually over a year.
In the UK:
* [The NHS](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/getting-diagnosed/how-to-get-diagnosed/) has a page explaining the process.
In the US:
* [Autism Source](http://www.autismsource.org/) is a search engine for local resources. It provides options for filtering and services can be searched based on location. You will have to pay for most services.
* [Autism Society](http://www.autism-society.org/) \- This society has local support groups that meet. Attending allows you to connect with others and discover resources in your area. There is a focus on parents with children but they are adding resources for adults as well.
* [California Regional Centres](http://www.dds.ca.gov/RC/RCList.cfm) \- California has services for disabled people available at Regional Centres in the state. Services can include free diagnosis and supports after diagnosis. All ages are included. There can be a long wait time and it may require persistence. Services are not limited to autism.
Elsewhere in the world:
* Check with your national healthcare provider or talk with your doctor, they will normally be able to direct you in the right direction.
* We want to provide as much country specific information as possible, if you can please let us know where people in your country should go for a diagnosis or support.
**I Have a Diagnosis, What Now?**
What you do with your diagnosis is entirely up to you. You can tell your friends and family or keep it to yourself, use it to get government assistance or accommodations made for you at work. A lot of people feel a sense of closure after acquiring theirs, others don't and continue to explore their neurology and mental state.
Be aware that when sharing your diagnosis people may change their attitude towards you, suddenly treating you more like a child or a freak. Others may outright deny that it's correct, declaring that there's nothing wrong with you or that you just want an excuse for being lazy. Family and friends alike distancing themselves after learning of a diagnosis is an unfortunately common horror story, unwilling to be associated with an autistic individual.
**Other Resources**
* [Meetup.com](http://www.meetup.com/) \- A central location for groups of all kinds and their meeting schedules. Search for autism in your area for a support group. You can find out a lot of information from other people dealing with autism. You can narrow the search for groups for young adults or teenagers.
* [Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)](http://autisticadvocacy.org/) \- A non-profit group run by autistic people for autistic people. They have chapters in the US and a few overseas. They also have pages on social media where you may be able to find out more information.
* Social Media Sites - Search for autism on social media sites you frequent, you may find information about local groups on places like Facebook or Twitter.
* [AAASPIRE Healthcare Toolkit](http://autismandhealth.org/) \- Link for help in going to a health care appointment.
* [Musings of an Aspie, Adult Diagnosis](https://musingsofanaspie.com/adult-diagnosis/) \- Series of articles describing the diagnosis for an adult
|
aspergers
|
I was reading about kitten and mother relations, when I came across that cats will inbreed with cats from the same litter or even their mothers/fathers when they need to mate. Obviously this is disgusting to me as a human but cats don’t have a concept of siblings so they don’t know that they’re inbreeding but ever since I read that I’m getting really bad intrusive thoughts about doing something bad to my cat because she’s ‘disgusting’
I hate it and want it to stop
Anyone have any advice?
|
OCD
|
Hi, I’m positive I have OCD, no question about it. My mom also agrees ever since I was little and had to repeat phrases characters said on TV, go to the bathroom twice before bed, had bouts of tourettic ocd where i did a cough sound every minute or so, a hum sound every other minute, scrunched up my face weird etc. She says she assumed i had it and I’ve always known I do. especially recently.
I’ve asked her about getting a diagnosis for a different mental health thing in the past and she basically just asked “Why?” She doesn’t think there’s any point. And I guess she’s right, I don’t want therapy or anything because I’ve tried that before and It didn’t help me- I’m not a therapy person. I don’t think medication will help me as i’ve been on lexapro and zoloft for depression and those also treat ocd i think and it does nothing. I really just want to get confirmation that i have it so I can feel comfortable telling people and coming into spaces like this. but idk does that mean i just want the diagnosis for attention? I don’t know. agh.
Anyways, my question: are there any good reasons to get diagnosed besides getting out on meds? I feel like I need a good reason. Thanks!!
|
OCD
|
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 15 but I feel like we’re all humans with different emotions even if we’re placed under the same label. Is it common to not feel that home is anywhere? I never feel comfortable anywhere, I’m always driving, trying to feel like I can arrive somewhere I truly love. But even if I love the places I can’t ever feel still. Like I can’t stay in that one place too long, neither do I want to. And with people it feels the same. Just tired. Tired of feeling ungrateful. Tired of feeling lost.
|
ADHD
|
I try to let them be and accept them being there but it leads to rumination and heavy anxiety... Pocd is hell...
|
OCD
|
I'm self-diagnosed for now. I did a lot of research and it does explain a lot about my life and I'm going to a psychologist in a few months. I also looked at other disorders and none of them fit as much as ADHD.
However going through this subreddit I found posts that are super relatable, but also posts that are not relatable at all which made me think how much can ADHD differ from person to person.
|
ADHD
|
I'm 28, I used to have quite a wide friendship group (8-9 good friends), I'm kinda graysexual so not often in a relationship or interested in having one. All my good memories and bonds are heavily invested in friends and family.
No kidding, all but two of those friends have moved away, and the remaining two I don't really see anymore because they have had kids and got too busy.
Genuinely feel like heartbroken by this. I genuinely cant understand how other people happily and willingly give up their friendships like this as a matter of course. It sucks. These were all friends of many years, not just casual acquaintances.
I am trying to get on with things but, truth he told I can't shake the depression and gut-wrenching feeling that follows me every day. I feel like I'm unimportant, I feel betrayed, I feel like I want to meet new people, but I also don't if this is what people do. But I also don't want to be alone, so I don't know how to make myself feel better.
I know I'm probably looking at it wrong or whatever but I can't seem to help how I feel, which is automatic, painful feelings every time I see others doing things eith friends and having fun, I also feel like I should find a relationship and value that above all else like everyone else seems to, as that would probably make me feel better, thing is that would not make me happy either
Feel lost 😕 life was near on perfect a few years ago
|
aspergers
|
I took the RAADS-R. I scored above average on EVERYTHING by a longshot except for social skills, which was still above, but I'm far closer to an NT than most apparently(?). I've taken the stupid little Facebook tests and such (been feeling like I fit in on here since WAY before any of this) but the RAADS-R really set me to think I wanted to be tested. I told my grandmother who has supported me in every endeavor I've had, every single one. Even after I blatantly mentioned that I do not believe in religion (she's highly catholic) she supports me. But now when I say that I want to get tested, she flipped. According to her there's "no way someone with my skills" could potentially be autistic, and it was stupid to take the test. "You're just smarter than everyone else". I was raised to believe that I was indeed smarter than everyone else, and throughout school that went mostly unchallenged. Once high-school hit, and my grades dropped due to utter boredom, I realized I thought very differently than most people. I know they wanted me to be put in a special education course when I was young but my parents basically said "he doesn't need special education, he isn't stupid he's just smarter than everyone else". I kinda want advice I guess, and to see if anyone has a similar experience?
|
aspergers
|
Hi friends,
I have PTSD from when I was a kid, from long-term stuff that happened with people my own age. I'm in my 30s now and I've realised how hard it is for me to form and maintain friendships due to lack of trust. Whenever someone reaches out to me, I feel like they're bothering me and I get angry and judgemental. I don't have this problem with romantic relationships, strangely (maybe because I never had those when I was having problems).
I've been going to therapy for the better half of a decade and it's helped a lot. I'm just wondering if there are any books or resources anyone knows about this topic that might help me. I lost a few close friendships over the past few years and I'm sure my behaviour towards them was a major contributing factor.
Thanks so much for your advice.
|
ptsd
|
Sorry for the bad english, i never learned it properly
About 2 years I was diagnosed and it was a huge relief because finally I could put a name to many issues,and now I'm asking for advice,I can't smile properly and I tink it's preventing me from earning new friends or having small talk, thanks
|
aspergers
|
I don't know if this is just something everyone experience and/or something more prevalent in neurodiverse people (or other causes, a mixture of different causes, there's a lot of different combinations, maybe). First of all, everytime (I'm not exaggerating) I communicate with another person (for what I know, I've never properly talked to someone who's not neurotypical) I always express a little part of what I actually think or have in mind, maybe because usually I don't have a linear way of thinking, maybe because of masking, too. For example, I say that x idea is "good", but in my mind there's not just one option, not just one context (do you need a precise context as well? Without it, I think, I feel like things become messy), and not just one idea, concept, perspective (call it as you wish). Also, having to translate thoughts to speech is complicated. Even as I write I'm not including things I could add, contradictions. What I just elaborated is really messy and I hope you can comprehend what I mean. My question is: is this "normal"? As: is this a thing also neurotypicals usually do, is it a characteristic of autistic people? I also have ADHD, maybe it plays a role. Maybe it's because of different things. I'm sorry if you find mistakes in my writing.
|
aspergers
|
my obsessions and false memories came back full force today, i really thought i was getting better but i think it was just avoidance the entire time.
|
OCD
|
My main trauma happened when I was 16, and although I’m more than twice that age now in some ways I feel frozen in adolescence. Although I’ve lived on my own for a long time and I manage (barely) to work and pay the bills and generally take care of myself, I feel emotionally stunted and immature in some ways. Many of my friends have bought houses and gotten married and have kids now, while I live in a studio apartment and work a low wage job that barely covers my costs. I’m terrible at romantic relationships so I’ve chosen to be single for almost ten years now. I love teen dramas and I generally relate to the teens even though I’m closer in age to the parents. Or maybe that last one is something that a lot of people relate to? I’m not sure and I don’t know where else to ask.
|
ptsd
|
how do you focus on studies after a college day? medschool in my country is different in the sense that there is no college life and you come back home after a college day. it is pretty depressing but anyway after coming from the uni, whatever happened in the uni stays in my head and i have to take medication to goto sleep. problem is when i go to sleep, i keep sleeping all day until the next. so the question is how do i silence the noise inside my brain and get to studying as a person who is sensitive to the daily happenings of life?
|
ptsd
|
It makes me so fucking nervous and sometimes even ruins my day. Like I can't even tell myself: "wow I'm in a good mood today!" Without my ocd telling me:
"no you're not"
It's also make me feel unsure about the ocd itself. Like:
-do you even have ocd?
-yes. I'm literally diagnosed.
-what if the diagnosis was wrong?
-why would it be?? I have intrusive thoughts right now!
-how do you know? Maybe everyone has thoughts like that.
-you know you're the only one in your group like that. You literally asked.
And so on.
It alsooo makes me super hypochondriac.
Here's a real example: wow you started eating less and you're not so hungry like you did before! You know what? You're fucking anorexic!
get yourself together stupid!
Also a lot of shame talking to myself. And as I shame talk more my head gets louder and louder.
Always feel like everybody hates me when I know they don't.
Also the argue to do, check or move something. Because of the feeling that I need to it right now. Even if I am busy.
Like: check your WhatsApp. Now!, Check if you're phone is charging!, Move the glass or it will somehow fall from the center of the fucking table at fucking night.
Also violent made up scenes that include death and trumatic experiences.
Ah and yes. *Unholy thoughts.*
Thanks for reading)
|
OCD
|
Like my brain sometimes tells me “you’re the one that keeps thinking these thoughts, cuz u like them.”
|
OCD
|
But i couldn’t feel how I felt back then more than the song (forever winter by taylor swift) reminds me of. God I can’t stop sobbing.
Please listen and check up on ur friends always.
|
depression
|
In typical ADHD fashion I'm making this post because I was trying to get through an online course for IT skills and I kept blanking out at parts of the lecture and getting irritated.
I feel like my brain just has no capacity beyond keeping myself alive and working on creative stuff. Politics? Nope. World events? Nope. Advanced technical skills? Nope. Scientific knowledge? Nope. Mechanical/DIY fixing stuff? Nope. I feel pretty dumb around most people. And I'm ignorant as hell, I acknowledge that. But you won't see me running around shoving my opinions down people's throats. I know what I know, and know what I don't know. So I refrain from talking out of my ass as much as possible.
I don't even want to be famous or rich or whatever. If I could just make stuff and earn enough of a living from it I'd be happy. Then I could focus on something I'm moderately good at and not feel like I'm coming up short in all aspects of my life on a daily basis.
I don't know if anyone here gets that. I know it sounds childish. But it's tiring going into neurotypical roles and then people acting like you're at fault. Yeah like I want to be here either, I just do this so I can survive I don't need you making me feel worse.
Also if anyone wouldn't mind dropping some stories about finding their place in this world I'd appreciate it. I'm pretty damn lost in life.
|
ADHD
|
its currently 1 am again and i find myself downstairs wide awake in torment.
I was in the army for 10 years from 2010 to 2019 (so 9 and change.) ive seen some pretty gruesome shit. before getting out in 2019 i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and i still have nights where i wake up drenched in sweat from nightmares. ive been out of the army since november of 2019 and i feel like im in the lowest of lows ive ever been in so far since i found my best friend dead in his barracks room in 2012. ive been having suicidal thoughts allot and im honestly terrified. i dont have health insurance anymore to find help from any mental health specialists due to losing my job back in march, so i guess thats part of the reason im coming to you reddit.
There was a single night that haunts me every day. It was a suicide scene where i was locked in a barracks room with the suicide victim in a room the size of a walk in closet for 6 hours alone. his head was missing a good chunk of skull and i could see into his head where his brain was. he was on a bed in nothing but a pair of boxers and his head leaked so heavily that is soaked through his pillow and matress and began to pool up into a puddle beneath his bed until it began to creep out in my direction where i was sitting in the corner. I think about that kid whos name and face i will never forget and i see him in my head every day. When i was in therapy i was able to manage it somehow but now that i dont have that anymore i feel like im stuck back in that room with him 24 horus a day every day of my life... its effecting my marriage. I dont find interest in anything i do anymore and all i can think about is death. I dont know what to do. i dont want to feel like this anymore.... im scared...
|
ptsd
|
I have been in therapy for anxiety issues/panic/ptsd for a few months now. But a coworker of mine just passed away from Covid. I just feel so lost in my anxiety around death again.
I just don’t know what to believe. I don’t know whether I think there’s something after death or nothing. And honestly it doesn’t really matter because I’m just terrified of the unknown. Terrified it there will be something after death but not as good. Or that there won’t be anything for me and what I feel is my “soul” ever again. No more love. No more happiness. No more light.
It’s just been so hard to hold in the crisis and the tears for even a moment after this happened. And their funeral was just recently. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
|
ptsd
|
As the title mentions, this is going to sound really dumb. In middle school my friends had an obsession with Hamilton the musical, and sung it every day in 7th grade without fail. For whatever reason, this irritated me to no end; politely and aggressively, I asked them to stop. They didn't stop. One day I came home crying because they just wouldn't shut. Up. Years later whenever they start singing it, I get triggered. I become extremely angry and want to get violent with them. Am I experiencing actual trauma from something so ridiculously stupid?
|
ptsd
|
I've dreamed about having a dog since I was a kid, but I'm afraid that if I can't take care of myself properly how am I gonna take care of a dog? There are so many things to keep track of, you have to be extremely attentive especially if it's a puppy, so many things to keep in mind and I can't even remember if I've taken the pills today or not.
Did having a dog help you?
|
ADHD
|
I am 21F and in my third year in a business program. I got diagnosed with ADHD in the summer and I am having so much troubles coping. In High School I got pretty good grades (80+) but university has been horrid. 1st year I was on probation and I improved significantly BUT I have so much troubles in courses that require me to sit down and watch 3.5 hour lectures per week. I can't seem to stop procrastination... it's like I do not want to study and I can make myself sit and work on it. I have 2 exams today and I barely studied. there are 4 hours left till my first exam. I procrastinated on watching lectures too... didn't finish watching them.
i need help, tips on procrastinating, I do not want to be this way. I am taking 10 mg of vyvanse. I felt the effects of it when i started using it, but i dont feel much now
|
ADHD
|
Hi there, lately I am suffering more than normal with my ADHD. I was super anxious so I gave a break in my meds, what I do not recommend, and I thought it made me better but actually it just elevated my depression to the point of extreme apathy so it was not that i was helping was just that I was numb.
I always been a very introvert person, being around a lot of people and stimuli just drain me right to the bone. When the pandemic came I was locked away from my husband as I was living in another town for college and he has an autoimmune disease so I was not willing to risk bring it to him, soon all lectures became online and I loved it. Not having to interact with people all day, not feeling self conscious that my classmates are younger than my baby brother seemed like a dream. But not long after things started to get more difficult. I put down to "normal" depression and anxiety that plagues me for as long as I can remember.
The think is, its getting worse... I, as a trully innatentive adhd being, took nearly the whole pandemic to realise that the problem is gettig worse because I am lonely. Yes I have an incredible husband but and while I rather be alone most of the time, I am still human and my personality needs are completelly against my biological needs for human interaction. Christmas is the worse for me, I am not religious but in my country religious or not Christmas is a big family thing that I thought that I hated but i really dont. So while I was procrastinating doing my almost over due assignment I found a video based on science that explain why humans feel lonely on a evolution/biological way and made a lot of sense not only for the loneliness but also made sense, even though the video does not mention, for rejection sensitivity.
per rules of the community I think I cannot post the link of the video but if you look for **Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell Loneliness** you may find and its sooo interesting and pretty animation too despite beina wee bit long.
PS: I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM ASSOCIATED TO THE CHANNEL OR ADVERSING IT, I JUST WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING THAT TOOK ME OUT OF MY MISERY PIT FOR A BIT.
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ADHD
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Thank you for saving my life, I thank you for life. a very short story about me, I suffered depression for 9 years from age 13 to 21 and I will describe it in simple word 'demonic' why demonic because no words can describe how hard depression is, specially when you have no idea that you are suffering from depression and you just thought that it is only just your lifestyle, what I mean is you will not believe at first on yourself that you had a mental disorder and you continue fighting your own self that everything is normal and it is only just your lifestyle that make feel like that, and to make this a little short I go to a doctor to be specific psychiatrist and ask for help we had a talk and later she prescribe me antidepressant. My heart bleed seeing people suffer from depression because I know their pain, right now I don't feel sad anymore I don't feel worthless, I don't feel blaming myself anymore, I am not overthinking for 5 hours 10 hours 12 hours, I am not crying everynight thinking that I am useless, I don't feel any of that right now, I am now living normally free from depression, I feel happy, great and an awesome person, I am now happy and living normally ❤️.
Short summary of my Zoloft medication,
(expert advice take your medication on empty stomach)
Day 1 - Day 30
| 50mg, take every morning before breakfast and on day 30 I feel 40% of my depression is gone
Day 31 - Day 60
| 75mg, take every morning before breakfast and on day 60 I feel 60% of my depression is gone
Day 61 - Day 90
| 100mg, take every morning before breakfast and on day 90 I feel 80% of my depression is gone
Day 91 - Day 120
| 100mg, take every morning before breakfast and on day 120 I feel 100% of my depression is gone. Yayyyyy my depression is gone and i've experience now what its like to live normal.
continuing my medication and please don't stop your medication abruptly.
Day 121 - Day 150
| 75mg, take every morning before breakfast
Day 151 - Day 180
| 50mg, take every morning before breakfast
Day 181 - Day 210
| 25mg, take every morning before breakfast
and that's the end of my medication and please follow what your psychiatrist told you.
Please don't lose hope.
Happy holidays everyone.
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depression
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I’ve never taken ADHD medication as an adult and, as hard as it is to write or do well in college, I’ve struggled through life and on my way to graduate. My question is, if I got used to functioning on Adderall would life without it be much harder or about the same as without drugs? I’m worried that I’d do better in school more effortlessly but then be unable to function at all without it. Is that the case or..?
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ADHD
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I got diagnosed this year. I have always known about my sound sensitivity but was always embarrassed or didn't feel like I could do anything about it.
Since being diagnosed, I have been enjoying wearing ear buds to the cinema, outdoor concerts and just been enjoying myself much more. So, my bf on seeing this bought be an amazing pair of noise cancelling headphones (Sony1000xm4) for my birthday. I've had good headphones before but not proper noise cancelling ones.
I have never in my life had so much peace. I am so happy.
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aspergers
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