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Hello I have a sleep paralysis demon named cerberus as I heard naming them could help, anyway his back story is he showed up when I was 6 like some deformed dog crossed between a Grate Dane and a doberman. As I got older he has gotten bigger, meaner and has been slowly rotting away to the point that in palaces I can see bone.
And just to add to the creepiness for some strange reason I feel a strong pull towards the strange creature it only ever moves forward to eat me whole with one fail swoop and the really scary part is it's stomach is limbo land that goes on for all eternity twisting reality itself in two that feel like you have been swallowed into a black whole. I often refer to this as the abyss because of it's vastness of nothing, your not able to move and yet somehow you know it's cold and wet. yet there is no wind or water
But really bad part is you somehow come to the conclusion that no matter how much this creature eats it will never be full. Also as we have already witness it deteriorating to the point that it is only bone where the stomach used to be. You also come to the slow realisation that even if the whole Animal - (I 'm using this term extremely loosely here ) completely rots away into dust that the abyss will still exist and always will be .
​
Edit I'm so sorry I forgot to ask the actual question that's what you get for typing at the middle of the night.
Anyway my problem is I've started to see Cerberus during the day and last night he decided to get even more freaky to the point I had to meditate the rest of the night away. He decided to wear flames and I have a phobia of fire and he was so hot that he light up blue with his red eyes being the only thing that you can be drawn to
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ptsd
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Today I did it, I successfully pulled off masking, I'd like to thank huge amounts of vodka for making this possible!
The vodka practically destroyed my anxiety, I finally had a successful, "fun" teenage night and the only thing I felt throughout is emptiness
Idk if this is a depression thing, a autism thing or a anxiety thing
Does it always feel this shitty when masking? Am I supposed to feel nothing but hollowness? Is this the hell I'll live in for the rest of time? Will I never be able to fully connect with people?
Ps: sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm piss drunk
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aspergers
|
for four years now, my mental health has been shit. i used to think i was making it up, but im genuinely fucked now. i have NO motivation while there are so many kids my age socializing and living their best lives, and in comparison i'm so behind. i have terrible social skills and anxiety when it comes to even thinking abt talking to people and it's so weird cause i used to be a very extraverted child. i fear social interaction and my parents who are super uptight and strict dont even let me outside the house without them and dont let me do anything cause they have no faith in me and dont want me to grow up.
i used to get such good grades and used to not have to worry abt studying, but now i'm abt to take a test for math that i havent studied for at all and know nothing abt. i know im gonna fail it, and at this point i genuinely cannot bring myself to care. im so sick of everything and i dont think im gonna survive past 18 at this rate. im terrified of failing highschool, but literally have zero energy to get my grades back up, and my marks are currently at low 50s. all i wanna do is lay down and die. my head is always in this foggy mind-space and my attention span doesnt last long enough for me to even watch an episode of a show or a five minute youtube video. everything in my life has gone to shit, literally every single fucking thing, and i've given up. i dont wanna be here anymore, and im sick of people telling me the future is gonna be worse, cause if it is, i might as well just kill myself right now cause i genuinely cannot do this shit anymore.
my body is covered in self harm scars and im so scared of the day my parents will find out cause they'll go batshit crazy and not understand. i want to ask them if they can take me to get professionally diagnosed but i dont think they will because they dont believe in mental illness. i feel so alone and empty. idk what to do anymore. i have no one, and i never will have anyone anyways cause im ugly as hell and useless and incapable of doing anything but letting everyone down and burdening everyone.
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depression
|
I don't even know where to start but I feel like I needed to say it somewhere. I always feel the need to screenshot my phone's homescreen twice, screenshot the battery percent and then the lock screen, then screenshot the homescreen again 4-5 times. It takes up a lot of storage space and I feel ashamed when it gets to over 4,000. And then on every paper I have I simply feel the urge to write my name, the date, the day of the week, and the exact time. If I fail to do these, I just feel like I've committed a crime. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I just felt like venting, I guess.
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OCD
|
So, a couple of months ago I was talking to a mentor of mine and we got on the topic of Aspergers. He said something along the lines of "Most people see the world from the inside out, but those with Aspergers see the world from the outside looking in." I wanted to know what any of you think about this phrase. I honestly do not understand it in a way I can explain to others, but I kind of like it. If anyone of you can manage to explain it more clearly, or even debunk it, the input would be nice.
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aspergers
|
I had a terrible nightmare last night and woke up feeling so awful. I couldn't get ready to go to class because everything hurt all over. I just told my professor I was sick. Has this happened to anyone else?
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ptsd
|
For a person that apparently has Aspergers, I'm really good at eye-contact. Whenever I make a new personality for someone to enjoy that makes me take on an assertive and loud personality, eye-contact is completely fine. Though, I have to consciously maintain it to make the other person feel as though I'm listening to them and I care about what they're saying. It's not painful though, just a little rigid feeling.
But whenever it's an adult, I can't. I simply can't hold eye contact. It's too stressful. Even my therapist, who I'm very comfortable with.
The only adult I can hold eye contact with is my mother, but I don't enjoy doing it because she's been awful to me for most of my life and I do it just so she doesn't think I'm ignoring her and get more upset.
Is there a specific criteria for how much and with whom an autistic person can hold eye contact? Am I actually autistic? I don't know.
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aspergers
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This like just happened i was doing pretty well and had to sit down due to being lightheaded and a sudden feeling of extreme nausea and almost a extreme anxiousness could this possibly have been a flashback i have a hard time recommended my flashbacks
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ptsd
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I’ve only really done a little bit of research but I need some advice on where to go or what to do. Or even just to know if someone else has gone through something similar and has some pointers.
My attack last week
I was stilling with my wife scrolling through Netflix and she wanted to watch an animated short story. We read the synopsis and can tell it will be a sad film. I was slightly joking and said I’ll go grab the tissues cause my wife easy cry’s over things. I on the other hand haven’t really cried in just about 10 years at the most I’ve gotten a little watery in the eye but have not shed a tear in 10 years. It’s kinda strange but I just felt like what I’ve gone through in the past wasn’t nearly as bad as what I’m experiencing now and so I never really got sad enough to cry. So sometimes my wife would try and watch sad movies to see if I would shed a tear. Well about half way through I let myself get wrapped up in the feelings too much and couldn’t stop thinking about what happed 10years ago it just flooded my mind and I couldn’t stop crying my body broke out sweating like crazy. All of the pain I thought I wouldn’t have ever have to feel again just came back like I was there again 10 years ago.
What happed 10 years ago and what happened 20ish years ago.
So 10 years ago coming up on the exact date my stepdad killed himself in our back yard with a shotgun. The rest of the family wasn’t home at the time and when we got back we were wondering where he was. I thought he had gone for a walk to clear his mind cause he was dealing with a lot of issues that were happening all at once. I walked out back and saw a blanket behind our woodshed. I just saw the edge of it but I assumed maybe he was working on something back there and I just let him be cause if he was back there he probably wanted to be alone. I went back in the house told my mom that he was out back and probably just wanting to be alone. An hour went by and I just had the worst feeling of dread that something was wrong but I kept brushing it off. My dread was confirmed when my mom ended up walking out back and finding him there. I remember her screaming and everyone rushing outside. She covered him up with the blanked he had laid out she didn’t want us to see and I’m glad I didn’t.
20 years ago
This pails in comparison to the pain I felt when my stepdad died. But when I was about 6 or 7 my parents got divorced. It was for the better because most of my memories from when they were together were just of them fighting and yelling. My dad abused my mom from time to time and to this day I have never seen him sober. He kind of a functioning alcoholic so you really can’t tell when he’s drunk. The only way of knowing is counting the number of beer bottles he’s had that day. I used to think that my parents divorce never really effected me but looking back I know it did. I grew up without a role model I was alway angry and people often didn’t listen or pay attention to me. So when my stepdad came along it really changed things. He was a better father to me than my real father and I really looked up to him. That’s why it hurt so badly to lose him and i lost the one person I looked up to. Years later I found myself secretly striving for the approval of others and I think it became I didn’t have anyone to look up to and I wanted someone to be proud of me.
My life today
I didn’t think anything in my past had too much of a negative affect on who I am today. But I’ve recently been having some small amounts of anxiety and have also developed a hiatal hernia. Doctor told me it was rare for someone my age to get one. Most people get them from obesity or having extreme anxiety. I don’t feel like I have extreme anxiety but I did have one panic attack last year. And now I had this PTSD attack I really don’t know if all of this is related or not thought.
TLDR
This started out as me just wanting to get some advice on what to do but I ended up telling my story and kind of venting. I’m truly sorry if this trigger anyone I kinda was getting a little watery eyed writing this.
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ptsd
|
Hey guys I don’t know if anyone is going to respond but I really need help!! I took ADHD medication when I was in third grade till like six grade I think and I am 19 years old right now and I’m thinking about getting on ADHD medication again because I just have a lot of issues at work with working my mood swings just a whole bunch of other things but I’m also wanting to know about my weight and about like everyone else’s weight experience taking this medication my weight right now is about 160 to 165 I think I’m 5”4 or 5”5 I just wanna know if it’s gonna make me lose weight because I’m also wanting to get on it to help me lose weight because I’ve tried pretty much everything to lose weight in the most I could’ve got down to was 150
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ADHD
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My OCD seems to cycle, I'm symptoms free for a week so I guess it's an achievement, a psychiatrist couldn't diagnose me right now if they tried, but a week ago I was having so many OCD intrusive thoughts and rumination that I just wanted to kill myself.
It's not the first time this lack of symptoms for at least a week happens to me. Worth mentioning I also suffer from bipolar disorder. Anyone's ocd is like this? Have you gone more than a week with almost no symptoms at all?
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OCD
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I was wondering if I am the only one or does anyone else notice that their depression about their loneliness, whether that's due to lack of a relationship,friendships or both gets worse during the holiday period.Its bad all year long but it gets really bad from Autumn till the Spring.
Its just a time of year that makes me think of romance,friendship and family which just gets me really depressed and regretful.I am single with no friends and we don't bother with my mother's side of the family cause their awful and don't see my dad's side very often,we don't go anywhere for Thanksgiving and Christmas we just stay home,I rarely see my older brother,its pretty much just the immediate family that I live with all the time.
It's lonely and soul crushing but I don't know what to do to change it.I haven't interacted with another person outside of my family in so long that I get super nervous and anxious,worrying that I'll end up being caught having aspergers then being alienated\\isolated and even more alone because of it.
​
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aspergers
|
They say idle hands are the Devil's workshop, I think they might just be on to something as this year hasn't gone nearly as smoothly as I would hope. I am trying to change but it's hard not to slip into old bad habits because I've got too much free time on my hands and despite having an outline of a plan, I'm not exactly on the freeway racing toward it. I had hoped to do better, to make a variety of changes that would augment that unique cocktail of flame and shadow within me to the point where there would be less of a slide. But there is doubt in the picture somedays, there are real struggles to find a way forward that allows me the life I want which in truth - really isn't that extravagant. I'm not wanting a mansion or a fancy car or some trophy wife. Just an honest romance, real genuine friends who are accessible to me(I have long distance ones and I'm not downplaying those) as there is nothing like a hug. Nothing like meeting someone and just being able to feel the storm clouds in your soul finally start to part. I have been doing better overall to an extent but there's sometimes this aggravating hungry depression junkie who takes over and leads me to places I really do not want to be.
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depression
|
I am diagnosed adhd, but suffer from depression and anxiety aswell although not clinically diagnosed. I take vyvanse and sertraline. I am feeling much better now than i was 5 months ago before i started sertraline. But I am still not right. I don't feel sad and negative anymore as my average/standard mood use to be, i feel pretty neutral but also kinda numb. I do also feel more sensitive downstairs which has been great and I am finding I am enjoying life and everything a lot more. The dark nights and miserable weather of winter hit me hard and made me depressed for a while but I'm coming round to it now.
Starting from my last year of uni in the school year 2018/2019 I started ordering codeine linctus online, to make what they call lean or purple drank. I'd use it for like a week or so every couple of months, i just liked how it made me feel. Imo it was more subtle than weed and nicer than alcohol too as i felt great but was still able to function as normal. It makes me feel warm and good inside. I occasionally had it for fun but mostly had it when i was in pain or was ill as its a good pick me up. Now i stopped this about 1¼ year ago, mainly because you could no longer get it online or over the counter in most places. About half a year ago my gf got a crap load of codeine as co-codamol prescribed for her back. She gave quite a lot to me over the months. I went away 2 weekends ago and the week running upto it I had the shits so i got prescribed codeine by my doctor, as nothing else works for me genuinely, not buscopan or immodium or anything. I got 56x15mg tablets. I finished the last of it today, 75mg.
The thing is, i feel much happier when i take it, i feel more in the moment and relaxed. I'm so anxious all the time and don't know my own mind, most of the time i can't tell how i feel about stuff and it's horrible and kinda makes me want to die because i feel like I'm going insane. When i take codeine it makes me relaxed and know who I am and how i feel and don't constantly question and second guess myself.
Obviously I know this is bad in the long term, and I don't want to become addicted but idek what to do idk what's wrong with me
|
depression
|
My main questions: How do you ask for accommodations? Should I go to HR? Or my direct manager? Or the coworkers themselves who are stressing me out? I’ve never formally asked for accommodations before and don’t know how to go about this, any advice would be appreciated. Explanation of situation below:
So I’ve been working at my job for 7 months and it’s always stressed me out since it’s a “startup”. I was told before that it’s just the “nature of a startup” to be more stressful, but I feel like that’s a cop out when it comes to me saying they’re stressing me out due to me being autistic, adhd, dyslexic, & generalized anxiety disorder. Back in October I had a breakdown and they offered for me to take a month off for mental health which I did. But the point of that is I feel like I’m already looked at as needy, mentally unstable, and too much to deal with by my coworkers. Also who I report to is confusing and I don’t want to have to tell 4-6 people every mental health condition I have so I can ask for them to not do things how they do them which stresses me out.
So Friday I got 20+ emails spamming my inbox because our project managers assigned everything for the next month or two all at once without warning and it’s really really thrown me off. My whole weekend was consumed by thinking about it. They put up multiple meetings on my calendar for tomorrow and Tuesday, and I had a project I need to finish tomorrow that I now can’t because of these meetings. What I want is to ask for them to tell me at least a week before about all the upcoming projects I’m being assigned to and meetings that will be getting scheduled so I can have time to prepare and not feel bombarded.
Also another person I work with who’s job title is literally to help me with planning things, and she doesn’t ever offer to help unless I ask her. I’ve been taking on tasks she should be doing, but I also don’t say anything so it feels like it’s my fault I’ve let this go on. She’s also personal friends with our direct manager, and I’m afraid everyone will take it the wrong way if I go right to him about it, but I did already tell him before I’m autistic so that would be why I’d go directly to him about it.
I have a really hard time telling people my feelings in a work setting because every time it seems to blow up in my face and make others think less of me. I also worry if I ask for more they’ll just want to fire me because I already had the month break, but that obviously doesn’t fix my other problems.
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aspergers
|
I’ve been doing therapy for a while, it helps with understanding the why I feel things but I still struggle anyway. So I finally decided to reach out to a psychiatrist to start medications. She started me out on Wellbutrin for 30 days. I did a little research on it and seems like it would be a help especially with how bad my Seasonal Affective Disorder gets this time of year. Improving my mood and emotions would be alright I guess.
Wondering what anyone else’s experiences were with it? I’m trying to keep a running journal for now. I realize that it’s supposed to build up over a week or two but I’m not sure what I should be feeling differently when that happens.
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ADHD
|
I cannot forgive myself, I feel as if I am the most vile being on the planet despite being a stupid kid at the time. I really want to leave this world, but I do not want to go to prison.
|
OCD
|
Basically I made a post on reddit when my obsessions were really hitting me hard, I basically just asked if I molested my cousin when we were play fighting (I didn't) just when my pocd was dying down this happened. I dont want to live anymore. I was banned for 3 days
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OCD
|
I just finished my contract for a job I had as a mental health counsellor and now am without work (I’m not even surprised at myself for not being prepared and taking initiative to find a new job earlier *smh* )
Although I found the job as a Mental health counsellor stimulating, I felt I sometimes took people’s issues home with me and it was often heavy.
I’m looking to switch careers and am welcoming advice.
What jobs/careers do you recommend for someone with ADHD and why?
Hint: there are no right or wrong answers! :)
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ADHD
|
I’m really just venting I don’t know where I’m going with this but I have a huge fear of being a snowflake and I’m constantly thinking I’m faking everything in my life to appear special. The biggest thing is thinking I am faking OCD itself so I can be the typical “i’m so ocd” stereotype I hate it. I think this started ever since I was a teenager and all teenagers are sorta snowflakey but I got lectured in class one day on how teenagers are often snowflakey and ever since I’ve been doing everything in my power to not be snowflakey. And that’s constantly saying “disclaimers” and masking myself to appear as normal and typical as possible and more recently constantly mental reviewing “i have to have ocd because I just did ___” and self reassuring myself. It also drives me crazy because my ‘compulsions’ are all mental like this so there’s no physical evidence of my ocd. People have told me many times that I do have OCD but I’m worried all my experiences are just a confirmation bias sort of thing.
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OCD
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idk how anyone can think being autistic isnt heridetary. both my parents are autistic and so are my sibling and i. i believe my grandma is autistic and many of my cousins.
|
aspergers
|
This is weird, but hear me out. I was undiagnosed 90% of my life and I've been masking for so long without knowing it that it's all I know. I feel like I don't even know how to express myself or what my real self is. I mask without even thinking about it, so I don't even know how to stop doing it.
Idk, I feel like my "self" doesn't even exist. How do I get in touch with the real me? I think it could seriously help my mental health and stress levels, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone rediscovered themselves after a lifetime of masking?
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aspergers
|
I’m white so I don’t want to come across as fetishizing or cultural appropriating so I don’t mention it but i just have so much love for these cultures and also think Asians are genuises low key but is that reverse racism?
|
aspergers
|
I think the term "everyday carry" was coined by gun culture, but it's become a hobby of sorts focussed on filling your pockets with all the things you may need throughout the day. Think of the Boy Scouts' "Be Prepared" slogan. Anywho, I've embraced it for several reasons.
Reason 1: It's a hobby that's easy to maintain even for those of us who rotate through hobbies like most people rotate their socks, because it largely consists of buying useful (and usually inexpensive) items and gadgets and then putting them in your pockets. That's a hobby I can maintain.
Reason 2: it's really helping me stay organized and know where my shit is. Not sure why, I guess it's tricking my brain with "these aren't daily responsibilities, this is a hobby!" I pretty much always know where my keys and wallet are, as well as a bunch of other stuff. And while it sounds like having more stuff to not forget would be harder, for some reason it isn't. I guess once you're thinking "but what if I'm stranded in the woods...?" as you walk out the door, you know where your damn keys are.
Reason 3 is probably my favorite: I've been prepared for things I should've but wasn't. Yesterday I got caught in the rain (I didn't like it, nor do I like pina coladas) but just happened to have an emergency parka in my glovebox. Best of all, I solved my problem of getting halfway to wherever before I realize I forgot basic hygiene. I put together a kit with all the essentials (deodorant, body spray, lens cleaner, soap, hand sanitizer and more) that is small enough to fit in a pocket. I can't post photos or crosspost here, but I hope it's ok to link to where I shared it on the EDC sub, because I'm pretty proud of it. https://www.reddit.com/r/EDC/comments/qfl7oc/pocket_dopp_20_3_pics/
Reason 4: it's just fun to be the guy who has everything. "Does anybody have a pen?" Right here. "I need a lighter...wait, you don't even smoke!" Doesn't mean I won't need fire, baby. "Do you have a blade handy?" No. I have 4.
I'm not saying this will work for everyone, as alike as we all are, we still have differences. But it works for me, and I find it fun. There are a lot of people who have pistols as part of their EDC, so if that bothers you, maybe stay away from the community. I'm not a huge fan myself, but people showing you the weapons they keep as part of their carry are usually not being dicks about it. Anyhow, check it out if it sounds interesting, and if you already do it, how many flashlights do you keep on you?
|
ADHD
|
Hey, want to feel better about yourself? Guess what I discovered today! I was supposed to book myself round trip flights in January. today I am reviewing receipts and discover I seem to have scheduled round trip flights for the SAME DAY. If the flights aren't sold out for the day I actually need to fly out, there will likely be a hefty ADHD tax.
Sometimes the brain is so absurd you have to laugh so you don't cry and/or throw your computer at the wall.
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ADHD
|
Does anyone know of any good books regarding after-life, higher meaning and second chances?
I feel stuck in life and like I live in my own fog, and the idea that there is some kind of deeper meaning with life, and that all the effort and energy I have spent is not for naught gives me some hope.
|
depression
|
How do you not let rage get the best of u? I used to be very collected no matter what and now it's like all the patience ran out.
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ptsd
|
So this year I started college and I was able to get away from my home situation (the thing that gave me ptsd) and maybe I was being naive thinking that once I left things would get better but it seems to be the opposite. Before I could kind of suppress it because showing my feelings tended to make things worse… but now I’m out and away and the symptoms seem to have gotten worse I get triggered by the smallest things like yelling is a big one and it doesn’t even need to be angry yelling or directed at me and it can still set me off… that didn’t happen before why is that it’s gotten worse now that I’m gone? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
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ptsd
|
I really like to cook, I love taking my time and looking for new recipes. I focus on simple, cheap and healthy dishes.
I adore Mediterrean and Asian food
Anybody else who likes cooking?
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aspergers
|
If there’s nowhere else to go. They’re usually completely empty.
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aspergers
|
Hi, i am looking for an online ptsd support group, don't know if it matters but i prefer it to be about mostly parental abusing. I have tried searching where i live but haven't been lucky enough yet. Thanks in advance for any shares.
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ptsd
|
I'm struggling some days and I realize that if I start my day right, it can help stave of the sadness for a little longer. Some days are better than others of course, but I'd like to know what your checklist is. For example, waking up before 930, making my bed, a shower, 5min meditation/affirmation, a cup of coffee. Perhaps a jog if I'm up to it. I'd like to hear yours
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depression
|
Any one else's ptsd symptoms go from ok to the world is ending around the times of major event happened
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ptsd
|
Here's a good article about this. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/ocd-physical-sensations-and-urges
A common fearful experience expressed by people with OCD is that their thoughts have somehow evolved and they're no longer afraid of the possibility of some unwanted thing, but instead absolutely certain that the thing is 100% true and they were just in denial and lying to themselves all along. This is often provoked by some sort of physical sensation, urge, or feeling that emerged after the start of the OCD theme.
A lot of people conceive of OCD as only intrusive thoughts, rumination, and "what if" questions. This is far from the truth. The article I linked details a case of somatic OCD where the person was experiencing a genuine sensation that they needed to urinate at many times throughout the night, every night. After being referred to an OCD specialist and undergoing a course of ERP, the person learned to tolerate these feelings and the uncertainty around them, and the feelings lost their power and gradually dissipated over time. However, that didn't stop it from feeling 100% real in the moment, and the patient had spent considerable time and effort seeking out urologists to figure out and solve their problem.
I can speak from personal experience on this too. When I had what I now believe was somatic OCD about swallowing a couple years ago, it genuinely felt like every single bite was almost getting stuck in my throat. I agonized over it for weeks, convinced myself I either had an esophageal inflammation or some sort of precancerous growth, and eventually went to a GI specialist and got diagnosed with dysphagia. I went to a surgeon and got an endoscopy to identify the issue, and they found nothing obstructive or otherwise bad in the esophagus; only mild acid buildup in my stomach, something I've been dealing with on and off my whole life without any previous swallowing issues. I didn't know this was OCD at the time; I didn't realize I had OCD until my TOCD developed soon afterward and I did some research. If I had, I could have done a more appropriate course of treatment instead of spending nearly $1000 on pointless medical work in a foreign country I was visiting where I didn't speak the language.
*This isn't limited to somatic OCD either.* People with HOCD and POCD commonly experience false attractions that feel completely real in the moment. People with TOCD commonly experience false feelings of gender envy and/or dysphoria that feel completely real in the moment. I have experienced all of these things and more.
In my experience, false feelings are much much harder to habituate to than intrusive thoughts. Where the intrusive thoughts create uncertainty, the false feelings 100% convince me that the feared thing is true, and send me into a disastrous spiral that usually lasts until the feelings go away for awhile. I'm still working on techniques to combat this, but I just found [this article](https://www.manhattancbt.com/hocd/) that, while focused on HOCD, includes some universally applicable advice on how to create uncertainty in moments you're 100% convinced that the feared thing is true (CTRL-F "Lloyd Christmas"). For example, when I'm 100% convinced I'm trans and in denial, usually when the false feelings are hitting hard, I can use these techniques to create a 20% possibility in my mind that I'm not trans and it's just the OCD acting up. Doing this too much can turn into harmful reassurance, but when you're stuck at the bottom of a huge downward spiral it can be a big help.
Remember that no matter how scary and real it feels, you are not the only one who's been through it, you are not alone, and you are more than your thoughts.
|
OCD
|
its better for me than just sitting or laying down and feeling like your emotions are all trapped in your heart
I want my emotions to be outwardly expressed. I want my emotions to get out, it feels so cathartic.
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depression
|
I don’t see a lot of stuff on this. Most of what I can find when I research just treats secondary traumatic incidents (don’t know if I’m phrasing that right, but things that did not happen directly to you but horrible things that happen to people close to you, witnessing or not witnessing) with burnout and caretaker fatigue. This frustrates me because I’m not my close friends and partner’s caretaker, I’m someone who genuinely cares about them and these events rot me to my core. Change how I view the world entirely.
I’m mainly treated as just being overly empathetic or sensitive about this. I’ve talked to three psychiatrists so far and the best response I’ve gotten to explaining this things is a muffled “sorry” and onto my bipolar / schizoaffective symptoms.
The DSM-5 does say that learning of a horrific or life threatening event that happened to someone close to you qualifies you for a ptsd diagnosis but I don’t know.
It’s hard to work with. I feel like I’d rather have any horrific thing possible happen to me then ever happen to anyone I care about again. I’ve had bad stuff happen to me but not bad enough. Just feeling out of touch and like I’m whiny and overly sensitive. Any feedback appreciated.
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ptsd
|
Hey, y'all.
So, after my last post, I wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind for a couple weeks now.
So recently, I'd been trying to be more open to meeting new people in school. I've realized that, when it comes to irl friends, I don't have anyone in genuinely close to, and that's been something I've wanted to change.
There's been times where I've talked to someone, and they didn't contact me, with one specific case being when I gave someone my number, and waited for them to text me the whole weekend, but didn't get anything back from them.
But, that's not really what I wanna talk about.
Recently, I've been talking to someone who actually gave me their number.
We talk in school too, but, after some time, things have gotten...kinda obsessive on my end.
I'm in a place right now where I'm not sure if I like them or not, but I can't help but think about them, and how they interact with other people at school.
For some reason, when I'm in class with them and they're talking to someone else and enjoying themselves, I end up thinking that me being friends with them doesn't matter to them, to the point where when one of my other friends talks with them, I feel bad as a result, and end up having those thoughts again, and ruminating over them constantly.
In the past couple days, it got to a point where I almost started crying because I kept hoping they'd say something to me, as if that would disprove my thoughts that I don't matter to them, but when they didn't, I ended up feeling bad, which... obviously didn't help.
They texted me on Thursday to see how I felt, but they also tend to take a while to reply, which then makes me assume that they're busy talking to other people and that I'm just an afterthought, so then *I* try to take longer with my texts instead and check to see how long it's been since they texted me to see if there's been enough time since then.
Sometimes, I end up having the thought process where it's like "if they don't do this thing, then they don't care about me," and that obviously isn't really helpful either.
For example, "if they don't text me today, then they don't care about me", or "if they come by my seat, then they might like talking to me, but if they come by my friend's seat, then they don't like talking to me," or even something as trivial as where their feet are pointing becomes part of the problem, and it's just...so damn exhausting.
Honestly, this is something I've dealt with for a while now when it comes to thinking about other people, but I still don't know if it even has anything to do with OCD.
Recently, I've been doubting again if I might even have it, and one of the main things is me questioning if me ruminating is "enough of a compulsion," since it's also something that happens with anxiety and depression, and I end up thinking "if that's the case, then how do I know it's not something else instead/at what point can I really be sure that it's OCD," and then I'll check to see what compulsions I did throughout the day, but it's something I can't help but think about.
Even though I've gone through this whole process 4 or 5 times now with doubting, it still makes me feel the same way each time.
Anyways, that's about it.
Thanks for reading this, and I hope you all have a good remainder of your day.
Take care.
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OCD
|
This has never personally happened to me but this used to happen to an autistic kid I knew back in high school. I remember my classmates would purposely try to piss him off so they could see him have a meltdown. I was wondering if any of you ever experienced this.
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aspergers
|
TW: transphobia, homophobia
So a big part of my c-PTSD is how my parents reacted to me coming out to them as transgender / how I anticipated/catastrophized how they would react. They used to be very vocally anti-trans and when I would try to wear masculine clothes or cut my hair they would get really angry with me. My dad raised his hand like he was going to hit me, called me a "fucking f*ggot" for dating a trans man (before I came out as trans), and compared me to my dead sister. I spent my entire teenage years until I was 18 absolutely terrified that they would kick me out or disown me or beat me for it. They ended up just ignoring me for a while, even though I still lived at home. They very slowly came around but it was really difficult.
That was years ago. I've been on testosterone for over 3 years now and they usually use the right name and try to use the right pronouns. But I was still worried that if I told them that I'm also gay that would be one too many things to deal with. They seemed to be more opposed to me dating someone of the same gender than to me changing mine for a long time.
Just now though they asked if my male best friend and I are dating (we are). I immediately got panicked and tought they were about to kick me out and I started putting a plan together in my head of where I would even go. But they just said that they really like my boyfriend and that they love me, and then started talking about something else like it was no big deal.
I'm just... kind of in shock. I don't really know how to react. I'm happy, I guess, but these are the same people who made me believe I was sinful and morally twisted for being trans for my entire childhood. I'm happy they reacted well and actually seem genuinely fine with me dating a man, but... part of me is expecting to wake up, or learn that I imagined the whole thing, even though I know I didn't. Sorry this is so long, I just really don't know how to sort my feelings out about this.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been building a new desk, it’s huge and had to be assembled in place which means I’ve been living in chaos for the last week or so. I’m trying to finish it so I can get my place back to normal, but more and more I find myself staring into space, overwhelmed by the mess. I understand ow that I need to take care of as much of the clutter as possible before I can continue. It’s a good eye opener, about how my brain works.
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ADHD
|
Good day folks.
I have joined this page as I'd like to meet like minded people & see how everybody else copes with day to day living.
An introduction..
My name is James, I am 26 years of age, I was diagnosed with mild aspergers syndrome back when I was 15 years of age & find day to day life a massive struggle.
I am fortunate in some cases as I don't struggle with speach, can hold a conversation & can do bits and bobs of social interaction but I usually prefer not to.
But there's a lot I struggle with, infacf I class myself as a hermit nowadays because I feel like an outsider in society.
As of recent, I am really struggling with my mood swings, anxiety levels, depression, self doubt, lack of motivation & lack of desire to do anything.. I'm even currently unemployed because I fell off the bandwagon last year.
How do you guys & gals cope with day to day living?
Sorry for the long post, I've tried to space it out to make it more readable.
Cheers
James
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aspergers
|
In the sense of attracting attention from people with Antisocial Personality Disorder and/or sadistic personalities. It was the final year of high school when I realized that my manipulative "best friend" from middle school was a high-functioning sociopath. These types have disrupted my life to the extent that sociopathy was a major interest of mine for years. I wanted to understand what drives them, because holy hell, are they ever attracted to me. Can anyone relate?
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aspergers
|
It’s like all these bad things hit at once and they just come out of nowhere at around 12:30pm-1:00pm and last till about 3:00pm-3:30pm. It only happens when I take my meds, I stopped taking them for a couple weeks because I just couldn’t stand this, but now I’m back on them and currently in that sucky time frame and just hate it so much. Maybe I need to lower my dose? But I’m not even on very much I’m on 20mg Adderall XR maybe I’ll go back to 10mg like how I started, but it’s just that it wasn’t nearly as effective at that lower dose, but I guess I need to compromise between effectiveness and side effects because I seriously can’t keep going through this every day. No real point to this post other than to get this off my chest, but if you have similar experiences I’d love to hear them!
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ADHD
|
Before my OCD was diagnosed, I was always called crazy for obsessing in relationships. Even now that I’m on meds and in recovery, my OCD is still a daily struggle that I love with. And I’m still called crazy. I’m so sick of it. I just keep thinking of Iggy Azaleas ‘Black Widow’, “And I'm gonna show you, what's really crazy, You should've known better, than to mess with me harder”. Like if I’m just going to continuously be called crazy and hard to love, by the people that are supposed to love me, my parents, spouses….why not just own it. Show them what’s really crazy. I’m tired of fighting for nothing. I thought I was more than this label. My im not. My mental health issues are what’s most important about me. So fuck it. Let’s be crazy.
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OCD
|
Background: I'm a male in my mid thirties, two teenage kids and wife, married for 10 years, together for 16. We have a house, both of us work and life is good. Great, even.
Our son was diagnosed with ADHD some 1,5 years ago, pretty much out of the blue for both of us parents. He had a nasty RS Virus infection as an infant which led to cardiac arrest twice before he turned 6 months, so he's had a rough start and for years we "blamed" those incidents and the lack of oxygen to his brain for his poor short term memory. Neither of us were really aware that ADHD was on the radar since he never was hyperactive. Then he started to get almost seizure like fits in school where he would be completely in his own world, without any means to contact him before he snapped out of it by himself. We had him examined, and while no neurological defects were found in CT scans, they told us that he's likely suffering from ADHD and gave him a prescription. His grades quickly started to skyrocket when he was able to actually focus and not daydream after we started to medicate him.
​
Now, looking back on my own childhood, I feel like I can draw parallels between how he behaved before getting the meds and how I did when I was his age (and sometimes still do). I was a pretty lonely child, who loved to read. I only had one friend throughout first six grades, then got another one in seventh grade. I was absolutely paranoid all the time that people (especially girls) were laughing at me. I never had a girlfriend during that time either, not for lack of wanting but I didn't understand the social aspect of how to get one.
​
Fast forwarding to these days, I work for a big IT company with Access Management tasks - meaning I'm the guy who creates user accounts, gives access to network shares, creates mailboxes, etc. I've been working there for more than three years, which is pretty much the longest career I've had anywhere so far - usually I've switched to something else at the two year mark.
Sometime, like 7-8 years ago I said to my wife that I hate the fact that I see other people having hobbies and being interested in things and actually being able to KEEP that interest. I've had plenty of interests along the years, back then it was reading - I would read nonstop, I'd even bring my books when going to the john, so I could read while pooping. I had hundreds of books at home, wanting to eventually have library of my own. Then, a few years back, I just stopped reading. Just like that. I haven't read a book since and after staring at the books in their cardboard boxes for like three years, I finally gave them all away to charity.
Another hobby that I've had on and off is music - I love metal music and right now, I superfocus on it, digesting tons of new albums and artists every day, reading articles and reviews etc. But I know that the day will come when I will get tired of it (again). I had a period a couple of years ago, where I would try to listen to music because I knew I love to do that, but it would almost make my stomach turn. I just couldn't force myself to do it or be interested.
I also do woodworking, this is one of my latest obsessions - and this is not a cheap one, either. You know how expensive tools can get? You watch these YouTube woodworkers with all their fancy tools, and of course you suck at it first because who doesn't, and you blame the tools, then get crazy expensive tools that you displace easily and then leave them to gather dust.
​
This is probably nowhere near coherent but bear with me. I'm trying to find the point, what I'm trying to say. Or ask?
Weird things I do:
\- wife comes home from a long shift and I've been home alone - she asks what I've done - my answer is almost always "Nothing" and it's mostly true
\- I've always chalked this up to being introvert, but apparently not answering texts from your friends is... normal? Is it also normal to feel anxiety because "you feel like you're supposed to answer right away"? And feel anxiety because now you've wasted your friend's time when you didn't answer in a timely fashion and he's probably pissed at you?
\- My daughters pet peeve with me - she will come home from school, find me sitting on the sofa just doing nothing, and tell me something about her day - I'll even answer, but then when she asks for an opinion or something of what she just told me, I'll be like "can you repeat? I have no idea what you just said".
\- At work, if we have a ton of tickets, I function normally and do well. Holiday times are the hardest - things tend to slow down to a crawl, not much to do -> I start procrastinating the hell out of my work and then, when the tickets starts piling up, I can't get started no matter what I do. I KNOW I need to start working them, but I just can't get it done. I might open a ticket, look what needs to be done but feel it's overwhelming even if it's a super basic task.
\- If I watch TV or drive a car or something, whatever, I'll be nonstop drumming with my fingers, fidgeting with something etc. When I sit in my office, my restless legs will be in perpetual motion.
\- When reading stuff (on reddit for example), I will be clicking and dragging my mouse over the text I'm currently reading, also nonstop. It infuriates my coworkers for some reason, especially if they're trying to read from my screen at the same time as me???
\- If I try to create a new habit, like hitting the gym or something, it works fine as long as I'm able to stick to a premade routine. For example, if I say to myself I'll hit the gym three times a week, and I manage to do that for two, three weeks in a row, and then get sick and unable to continue, 99 times out of a 100 I will drop that habit because my brain tells me everything I've done up to that point was wasted because I couldn't keep doing it on schedule. This applies to eating healthy (if I cheat, well, there goes that)... hell, even to Pokemon Go (they have this "spin pokestops for 7 days in a row) - if I miss a day and have to start over, I'll uninstall the game on a whim
\- At work I get super riled up if someone tries to make me do their work or if I feel someone is acting in a stupid way and it usually ain't that pretty because I have a hard time filtering what I say to the person in question
​
Oh yeah, and what about the topic? What I was getting at is, I feel like I might have ADHD. I want to get it checked out, but at the same time, I'm anxious. Like, I don't even know which one is the better outcome - that I DO have it and get the diagnose and maybe some help to tackle it, or that I don't have it and am just the lazy, indifferent bastard that my teacher told me some 18 years ago. "You have so much potential, if you just wouldn't be like that". Yeah, thanks.
So what am I afraid of? Well, if I get the diagnose, I worry how I will react to it mentally, seeing as I'm not young anymore, and I'll probably feel like I've "wasted" my life until now. And, if I DON'T get the diagnose, well then it proves my teacher right - I just am the lazy, indifferent bastard.
​
Sorry for the super long winded post, I have no idea if this shit even makes sense to anyone but me. I'm just... I've been reading a lot and watching videos on YT how to cope with these things and so today when my wife was leaving for an evening shift to work, she came to my office and looked at me and asked, what's wrong and I just completely broke down. I don't even know why. Maybe it's a realization, or maybe I'm just burned out from my job, I don't know. We have a very shitty situation at work where several people have left and management haven't really been up to the task to recruit any new ones - so we who are left are doing more than our fair share of work and this has been going on for a year. Meanwhile, the boss keeps saying every week that "just a bit longer, then it'll even out". Out of four last recruits, two left the company within the second week of employment. It just guts me to start training someone and then see it flushed down the toilet time and again...
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ADHD
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I always have this thing that there is something stuck on my fingers or toes or anywhere. Imaginary and invisible. I blow at invisible "negativity" to blow it off. What is that? It keeps happening. It occurs because of sniffing, touching etc.
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OCD
|
Been really wanting to start my own business. I’ve had various ideas, from franchises, to online ventures.
I guess what I’m wondering is if anyone has started their own business, and if they have found that although it might come with more responsibility, that it also is more rewarding?
I sense in myself the problem that I think a lot of us have felt, regarding workplace burnout. I have worked too many jobs in the past 4-5 years, and have since tried to get seasonal jobs, so I can actually finish an entire season without getting frustrated and doing something dumb.
If you have started your own business, what is it? Have you found it more rewarding than working for the man? Do you feel like there’s less of a chance to burnout?
I just feel like I’m not going to quit my job if I am my own boss, because I can actually make the changes I feel are necessary to the company, without worrying about any retaliation or overstepping my bounds.
Thank you to all! If you see this just know that I care about you and understand the struggle that most don’t.
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ADHD
|
I did three scary and potentially triggering things today and I’m proud of myself. Just wanted to tell someone.
1. I cleaned my car and vacuumed it. This is scary to me because the vacuum is very old and dirty. My car had dirty stuff in it too so it was a bit scary.
I then had lunch and *DIDN’T HAVE A SHOWER!!* after cleaning my car, I just sat and ate on the couch.
2. I washed my car with a car soap and water. This is scary to me because I don’t like chemicals and I’m worried they will hurt me. This is also scary to me because the soap bottle, bucket and hose I used were also dirty.
I just finished up and had a shower. Sure, it was a long shower (40 ish mins??) but I just did it.
Chicken was for dinner and I can’t stand raw meats or eggs but I mainly remained calm. The problem is someone went into the laundry room that is near the kitchen after dinner and used the bathroom. This is scary to me because I don’t want the chicken germs on the dryer or washer because then my clothes won’t actually be clean. I had a tear or two from frustration from this.
3. I went to have a shower and had a little freak out about the toilet so I decided I needed to clean it. This is a *MASSIVE* deal for me because of the chemicals and germs. I put on a set of disposable gloves and cleaned it, changing it a couple times. I didn’t even freak out when some of the toilet water got on me. I just cleaned it and had a shower after. It was a long (50 mins?) shower but I still did it.
I just wanted to share this because I don’t have anyone really to talk to about this.
I’m going to buy some cleaning chemicals/products so that I feel more comfortable cleaning with them more often.
Please feel free to put your triumphs below :)
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OCD
|
I have contamination OCD and I think with this my body makes up false bodily sensations of contamination like for example wetness/coldness of maybe saliva or where I’ve touched off something that’s maybe contaminated. I also find that false memory is a problem. Anybody else have this problem?
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OCD
|
TW:
Does anyone else have extreme OCD and feelings of shame/guilt about sexual games they played as a child with friends, family members (this one is the worst), or even alone?
I feel terribly, even though I was an innocent child who didn’t understand or fully comprehend what was going on!
How can I outrun those feelings of shame/guilt?
Hope all are well!
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OCD
|
No matter what I do or where I go I cannot stop negative thoughts and once they are in my head they wont leave. I am always afraid I am going to hurt someone or have or did. I am in constant hell
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OCD
|
What kind of photos do you guys use?
I want to get on dating apps, but I really have no pics of myself. I also don't have a lot of friends and don't go to exciting places or travel. Should I even bother trying? The best I can do are photos of just myself
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aspergers
|
These are my scores:
Total Score: 168.
Language: 17.
Social Relatedness: 69.
Sensory/Motor: 47.
Circumscribed Interests: 35.
Ok, so what’s next, what should I do now? 🤔
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aspergers
|
Don't know if this is an ADHD thing or not, but I sometimes feel like I'm going insane for being lonely for long periods of time, and that's pretty often as I have no friends. I experience mental breakdowns, depressive thoughts and loneliness lowers my self esteem even lower.
It's not like I'm super introverted, it's just my Social anxiety and other mental problems for why I can't make friends, I don't fit in anywhere and I am always daydreaming.
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ADHD
|
This always happen to me whenever I try my best to look for the right person to seek help.
I got traumatized when I decided to open up with my friend and he just said "Haha you're so dramatic. Quit it," When I messaged my adviser in school it was ignored. I tried discussing it with my parents but before I can say my case, they said "Deal with it on your own whatever it is. Don't be childish," When I talked it out again with another friend, whom I thought was finally able to understand me, she said "Hahaha I swear I'm gonna laugh so hard when I see you in a mental hospital,"
From that time onwards, I don't know anymore. I just keep saying "I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine," because I'm afraid a lot of them will really laugh at me because of my mental health issues. It's scary.
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depression
|
So I been through some stuff involving cars, and bad times as a passenger. 5 different times.
I'm okay in cars unless mine or someone elses seatbelt isn't properly functioning. The whole ride my adrenaline will be spiked, and I will be freaking out on the inside due to my past experiences. I have had several experiences in what bad things can happen when you go for a drive.
So pretty much my fiance, my baby, and 2 family members got into our car to go to Thanksgiving dinner about 20 minutes ago. I was in the back middle next to my baby.
Due to his car seat I couldn't get my seatbelt the way it's meant to go. I tried to explain to them that they had to go without me, and why I wouldn't switch seats with a seat with a working seat belt. (Whoever sits in the seat becomes a missile hazard and is sitting right next to my baby). So it's not so much that I was scared for myself, but also for my baby.
Anyways they were laughing at how seriously I was taking it, and now my fiance is probably pissed off at me because I refused to go if the seatbelt wasn't working.
They will never understand the feeling like you're going to die or get someone else killed when everything is perfectly fine, and there is almost no chance of anything happening. The unnecessary amounts of adrenaline for a 20 minutes drive. They will never understand. I feel like I did the right thing, but the amount of fear I feel about the situation is absolutely absurd.
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ptsd
|
Hello,
I have severe contamination OCD, depression, and some social anxiety which makes it really difficult to function in everyday life. I have lots of trouble with resisting compulsions and intrusive thoughts involving germs, illnesses, etc. I am about 3 weeks into ERP and have recently started taking medication.
Meanwhile, the fall semester starts next week and it is now in person which requires students to be on campus.
Do you guys think I should withdraw from college this semester and focus on therapy or head off to college and face my OCD head on? (IMPORTANT - If I do withdraw, I risk losing my full ride scholarship and will have to submit a scholarship appeal to try and get it back which is not guaranteed.)
Has anyone else had a similar situation? If so, what did you decide to do and how did it work out?
I take my school work very seriously and really want to get my degree but my OCD is getting in the way.
TL:DR College is starting in person classes next week but my OCD makes it difficult to function in everyday life. Should I withdraw and focus on treatment (may lose full scholarship) or go off to college and face my OCD head on?
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OCD
|
From you know who 8)
---
Tell me where to go, tell me what to do
I'll be right there for you
Tell me what to say, no matter if it's true
I'll say it all for you
I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Why am I so differently wired? Am I a martian?
What kind of twisted experiment am I involved in
Because I don't belong in this world
That's why I'm scoffing at authority, defying often
Flying off at the handle with my mom, no dad
So I'm non complying at home, at school I'm just shy and awkward
And no I don't need no goddamn psychologist
Trynna diagnose why I have all these underlying problems
Thinking he can try and solve them
I'm outside chalking up drawings on the sidewalk
And in the front drive talking to myself
Either that or inside hiding often to going somewhere quiet
Trying not to be noticed because I'm crying and sobbing
I had a bad day at school so I ain't talking
Some c***sucker shoved me into a f***ing locker
And he said that I eyeballed him
And if you fall, I'll get you there
I'll be your savior from
All the wars that are fought
Inside your world
Please have faith in my words
'Cause this is my legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy
I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Why am I so differently wired in my nogging?
'Cause sporadic as my thoughts come, it's mind boggling
'Cause I obsess on everything and my mind is small s***
Bothers me but now my father, he said sayonara and then split
But I don't give a s*** I'm fine as long as
There's batteries in my Walkman nothing is the matter with me
S*** look at the bright side at least I ain't walking
I bike ride through the neighborhood of my apartment
Complex on a ten speed which I've acquired parts that I
Found in the garbage, a frame and put tires on it
Headphones on, straight ahead and kids tryin to start s***
But if this is all there is for me life offers
Why bother even try and put up a fight, it's nonsense
But I think a light bulb just lit up in my conscience
What about those rhymes I've been jottin'
They are kinda giving me confidence
Instead of tryina escape through my comics,
Why don't I just blast a little something like Onyx
To put me in the mood to wanna fight and write songs that
Say what I wanna say to the kid that said that I eyeballed him
Grab hold of my balls like that's right fight's on b****
Who would've knew from the moment I turned the mic on
I could be iconic, and my conquest is
Is word to Phife Dawg from a Tribe Called Quest
This is my legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy
I used to be the type of kid that would always think the sky is falling
Now I think the fact that I'm differently wired's awesome
'Cause if I wasn't I wouldn't be able to work
Words like this and connect lines like crosswords
And use my enemy's words as strength
To try and draw from, and get inspired off em
'Cause all my life I was told and taught I am not s***
By you wack f***ing giant sacks of lying dog s***
Now you shut up b****, I am talking
Thought I was full of horses*** and now
You f***ing worship the ground in which I am walking
Me against the world so what? I'm Brian Dawkins
Versus the whole 0 and 16 Lions offense
So bring on the Giants Falcons and Miami Dolphins
It's the body bag game b**** I'm supplying coffins
'Cause you dicks, butt kiss, a bunch of Brian Baldingers
You gon die a ball licker I've been diabolical
With this dialogue since 99 Rawkus
You don't respect the legacy I leave behind y'all can
Suck a dick, the day you beat me pigs'll fly out my a**
And a flying saucer full of Italian sausage
The most high exalting and I ain't halting
Till I die of exhaustion inhale my exhaust fumes
The best part about me is I am not you
I am me, I'm a fire marshall and this is my
Legacy, legacy, here
This is my legacy, legacy, here
There's no guarantee, it's not up to me, you can only see
This is my legacy, legacy
Legacy, legacy
|
aspergers
|
So I took my first dose of 25mg of strattera today and my anxiety has not been this bad since before I started my anxiety meds. It made me dizzy and nauseous. Does this feeling good away, or if it going to be an ongoing thing. I’m switching to this from Adderall because it made me jittery. Thank you!!
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ADHD
|
used to cut myself as a compulsion is this common? In a like “cut yourself or something bad will happen” kind of way.
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OCD
|
T.W Dissociation T.W DP/DR
I just wanted to say if you feel like you don't remember anything anymore, there's only darkness. can't remember you're past. Maybe only "know" it. Maybe you feel it fading away.
If you don't recognize your family, if they look like strangers. Like a shell.
Like the world is slowly disappearing and is being darkness. If you can't feel anymore. No emotions.
I just wanted to say that you're not alone.
When I first, I don't even remember. But it was bad. I was all alone and, I just want you to know that it's real. And it's ok to be scared and confused by it, you're not going mad, and it is real.
It took for me a long time to find any evidence or anyone that might have the same symptoms as I suffer from. And I went to doctors and neurologists and psychiatrists, and I couldn't explain what's going on, and no one believed me. I want to share this with as many people as I can. I don't want you to suffer in anonymity and ignorance as I have. I'm gonna try and post it in as many relevent subreddits as I can.
That's all I wanted to say. Thnx.
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ptsd
|
Said genuinely, I think. Seeing as we are good friends and have been for many years, I feel more comfortable around her and will let words come out of my mouth that in a less familiar context, could be seen as incredibly rude.
For example, I commented that her mirror was very dirty. Also important to note here that we have lived together before, and she knows how much I love to clean windows and mirrors. I have mild-moderate OCD and ADHD so I often clean as a way to cope with anxiety (or to procrastinate!).
I also dissed her plant pots because they were all the same color and looked off-putting to me. It made the plants look fake. Perhaps a testament to their health? Hah.
I'm undiagnosed currently, but I'm thoroughly convinced that I am on the spectrum. As soon as it was brought to my attention and I started to examine myself through that lens, certain behaviours and communication styles became strikingly obvious as atypical. I am embracing my "weirdness", as I always have, but perhaps now I have the words to speak about it to those I care about in a way that could help them understand.
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aspergers
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First and foremost, PSA that I love my therapist. My therapist also shared that this is something they used to go through, which made me feel even safer. Today my mind was blown and something that has plagued me makes total sense now.
I was neglected (and abused) when I was a kid. Our house was disgustingly dirty; I couldn’t use the kitchen because it was just... awful. I hated using the bathroom because I didn’t want to touch anything. I was parentized my entire childhood with the younger ones in my life, but I also had to care for myself. It was just bad.
So I have this bad habit of being a great adult on paper (great job, great grades, great friend, etc.) but secretly being bad at “human-ing”. Often, I have an extremely difficult time making my own food a lot of the time. I just don’t eat or my partner makes food, which I am ashamed of. I also have a hard time cleaning if things get too messy, though I need to keep a clean house. Pretty much, there are times I SPIRAL because these *basic* things are too much.
Okay, here’s what BLEW MY MIND. I have a hard time with this because it is triggering of my trauma of being neglected. Since most of my PTSD work revolves around my CSA & abuse, I didn’t really see how neglect played into my daily life. She said, “It’s hard to have to be your own mom again when you’re a grown up. It’s exhausting and triggering.”
Don’t know if it’s helpful, but I thought I’d share. I feel so relieved to have an answer that isn’t just that I’m a POS. Does anyone else have a harder time acknowledging the impact of neglect as opposed to the impact of the other traumas?
TLDR; PTSD - CSA, Abuse, & Neglect. Mind blown - childhood with neglect and parentization is why I have a hard time making my own food. Apparently it’s triggering of my neglect because I have to “be my own mom” again. Makes sense that I spiral when I’m struggling with that and basic human needs things.
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ptsd
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I’m so overwhelmed. Last week, the flashbacks were so bad the night before my shift (I’m a server) that I was awake all night, and I wasn’t able to call in. Needless to say, I was not in a good head space. Of course, that one day in particular was absolutely CRAZY at the restaurant, and I was struggling to keep up.
My coworker asked me why I was so overwhelmed, and said that I should have been handling this better. So I, not wanting to divulge my whole mental health history, just joked that I must have partied too hard last night. I thought I made it clear that I was kidding, but I guess not, because she started spreading it around that I wasn’t able to perform my job and that I was falling apart. When my supervisor came to talk to me, I broke down crying and explained what happened. Now the coworker is accusing me of lying, and I heard her and some other girls talking about how I’m incompetent at my job.
I can’t do this anymore. I understand making a hangover joke was probably in poor taste, but considering we’re all college kids, I thought it would go better than explaining the real reason. Just feel super demoralized and I hate myself for it. Why did I have to fall apart at work?
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ptsd
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I feel as though God might be sending me messages through signs, coincidences and predictions I make. Even though a lot of the predictions don't come true, their always seems to be big ones that come true when I'm distancing myself from Christianity or this OCD/whatever it is. But unlikely ones do happen when it doesn't seem as important.
I was trying to stop this once and for all today but I can't. I saw a song called The Boy With The Thorn In His Side, and it made me think about How Paul said something about a thorn in his flesh. I went to sleep for an hour or so, after that I woke up and shortly after thought something like "the next thing you see will be the answer to your problem" in context I was thinking about a problem I was having. I tried to push this aside but when I got out of bed I realized what was going to be on my computer. That song, part of it really sounded exactly like what my personal theory for my problem was. I feel as though I can't reject something so obvious. But at the same time I know I'm having some kind of intrusive thoughts.
This isn't the first time that something has happened when I try and separate from this OCD/whatever this is or separate from Christianity. It seems to keep happening at these specific times. They seem extremally convincing.
Has this happened to anybody else? I would like to read experiences from others. I would like to here non religious/ other religious experiences to see if they are as significant as mine.
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OCD
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Dear community,
I am having trouble with my cravings to buy and consume things that temporarily help my mood.
Does anybody have any advice about how to deny my own urges for spending money or time on food, drink to satisfy my feelings? (Be that habitual or reactionary.)
I try to move my attention and interest on to other things, but it doesn't always work.
Thank you for your time.
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aspergers
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… until my knuckles are bleeding.
That’s what’s ahead. That’s the life ahead of me. I regret nothing.
F—- depression… mental illness… OCD… schizotypal disorder… delusion disorder… dissociation… and whatever else I might have…
I just want to keep fighting until I bleed to death.
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depression
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Because of the long NHS / Psychiatry UK waiting times, I scrounged money from family and paid for a private assessment.
I got diagnosed with combined type ADHD and prescribed 30mg Elvanse (Vyvanse).
The first few days I felt like I was on crack. I don't know what crack feels like but, that's all I can describe it as. Heart pounding, my spirit moving quicker than my body, unbounded energy, wired and unable to sleep.
I took a weekend break, and was miserable with restless legs.
Monday I woke up at 6am took my pill and went back to sleep. I woke up, went to work and it was amazing. I felt the right amount of energised and felt more able to focus on tasks, although I noted I was sometimes using this focus on the wrong things like scrolling social media.
However, 4 days later and I feel like it has worn off a bit. I will continue using it of course and see how I go.
Anyway, my actual problem is... I can't afford to continue the private health care route. I already have to fork out £200 for a 30 minute follow up to check how the medication is working. I'm really worried, because if it isn't working correctly I will likely have to pay another £100 private prescription and another £200 for a further follow up and so on and so forth until I finish titration.
I just can't afford that. I can't afford for this first prescription not to work.
If I lied and said yes, this medication is fine, and was subsequently passed back to my NHS care... what happens if I need a change of medication in the future? Will I need to wait to be reassessed on the NHS or can they simply change me to a different dose / brand? I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly but I hope someone understands...
TL;DR: went private, underestimated ongoing cost of it, worried about how long titration will cost, how do I go back to the NHS if I need to?
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ADHD
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Asking because I'm starting to question my sanity. Adults are so much more sophisticated and skilled at this.
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aspergers
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As a person with a fairly pessimist world view I always assume they have some ulterior motive because it seems to me they are playing a game in which whoever is the most vocal and loud wins. And were talking about grown ups in an office like come on? I don't mind this when you first meet people we are hierarchical creatures and need to assess where we and others are in the pecking order. However with NTs this goes on and on and only in groups, because 1v1 dynamics seem to work similar to how we view interactions be it with a group or a single person. The shit chatting as I like to call it is like some sort of never ending test to see who's the most mentally resilient because I don't get a vibe that these group conversations are sincere and really don't believe that. It's so fucking tiring even listening to it as I can't be bothered to participate. The emotional fluctuations are killing me. I love quiet stable people who show many asd traits it's so peaceful around them. No need to take part in dick measuring contests with them.
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aspergers
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I’m worried that I won’t love the ship I care ab sm and it’s weird cause sometimes I get anxiety when I see them together but I know it’s irrational cause I’ve shipped them for so long! Any tips to get over that anxiety? Does anyone else have this?
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OCD
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The bastard ran a red light, then lied and said I ran it. It is ok because he still got caught and is being held accountable! It’s the fact that he lied. He didn’t know if I was even alive in the car behind him and damn lied. Not a single fuck was given. I saw him today at the tow company and he looked THROUGH me. I thought he was looking at me, I looked him in the eye and it was like he didn’t see me. I’m so angry, I’m happy legal action is being taken and I’m also talking to lawyers, but thinking about his lack of remorse for the after math of his potentially deadly mistake makes me soooo mad. People keep talking me I’m lucky to be alive, first of all of I was that lucky I wouldn’t have gotten hit in the first place and second of all he’s lucky this little girl can’t take justice into her own hands cause I wanna drag his ass with no remorse like he did my car with my fucking body in it.
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ptsd
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I feel like I accidently masturbated to an intrusive thought Of and about a family member while already previously masturbating. I'm getting to that point of my loop where self harm of any point looks good to get this to stop..I feel really alone.
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OCD
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Recently I started dating someone. I haven’t really dated anyone since I developed PTSD, and it feels weird. I’m worried to show that side of myself to this person that I like very much. I get panic attacks when we go to certain parts of town, and I just stifle them. It’s very frustrating, and I’m wondering if it gets better. I really like this person, I just don’t want to freak them out.
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ptsd
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Yes, please, I’d like it. Private messaging is broken somehow, so I’m reaching out here.
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ptsd
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Lets me just start by saying this was no easy road; and as I sit where I do, there's a lot of work yet to be done.
Not necessarily for the faint of heart. There's many details I'd skipped. It's more so just practice for what will be a book in the form of my autobiography.
​
I was labeled with aspergers at the ripe age of 5. This set the school system to recommend that I go on medication. Thankfully, out of the grace of my mother, she'd moved me away from that environment. Even still, I was far from a good student. I didn't like the structure, I didn't like the curriculum, and I didn't like the control it had over me. Instead of learning what the school had to teach, I spent most of my time on this new thing called Google. Looking up images of helicopters, engines, or anything that really blew my hair back.
At this point I really didn't care about the diagnosis. I knew I was different and had no filter to how and what I'd felt. I'd found no issue in voicing it either. In 2005; I'd moved back into the public school system of a slightly bigger suburban town in western Wisconsin. This is where I had began to hate the diagnosis. Instantly secluded from the peers into small rooms for the developmental or learning disabled. But I wasn't really angry about it yet, I was just "being" at this point. Moving onto middle school, the segregation got worse which is where my hatred for the label began manifesting. Of course given how social structures work, being labeled and put into "special" rooms made me extremely resentful of the institutions. I'd have to be completely ignorant of how social programming worked to not realize this would have a profound impact on my ability to socialize and learn from it. I wasn't non-verbal or physically disabled; I was just emotionally driven and to this day I still am but now with a more fierce approach than ever. Always interested in the scientific or physical nature of everything, I wanted nothing more than to be thrusted into very complex teachings but was never given that route.
The hardest part of this label and its detrimental effect I'd realized years later was sexuality. What in interestingly beautiful hell that was. The only thing that made me feel truly inferior was my poor upbringing and outer perceived notions of worthiness because I didn't have the most modern technology just to assign myself into to that group. In all of my K through 12; I never really had a specific social group as one can imagine. Only a few friends and that was it. Honestly though, that was enough. I couldn't imagine being one with the herd, going to parties and drinking myself into comas. Some believe that's the only real way to be social. If so, I'd thought, "damn what a cancer." When I'd discovered my first crush I taken what is now the road never travelled; being romantic so to speak. The first thing I did was buy her a rose and gave it to her in secret. Yeah, I was shy, but I'd felt really good about it. The adults didn't know how to react to my infatuation with her. I was never creepy towards her. I never meant her any harm, just morbid curiosity of my opposite. It made me feel very romantic like a warm feeling of something that exists beyond what is known. This is when I first started writing; to her but also about how others in my age group perceived sexuality which was strictly pornographic in nature. I knew there was more to it than that but the modern age idea is not to cherish a woman, it's to own or objectify her. Hence the term trophy wife. I could go on about the mental programming that pornography does to the mind, but that's a subject for later discussion.
When I'd started high school, for once I felt free. Free of the special ed classroom. But boy, that freedom didn't last. Only on my own for less than a month; they'd put me back into the special education room. This time it was actually called the "aspergers" room. Again, I hated the school work. Had a horrible attention span and never got my work done. At most, I'd keep doing what I did at the beginning; Google and research complex things. At this time it was aviation, more specifically structures and aerodynamics. Aviation was something I'd been interested in even before I was diagnosed. At one point the teacher got angry at me for not doing my work while the kid to my left was playing games. The biggest issue with this schooling was being forced into special ed in order to get the minimum amount of schooling required. I'd desired to go to German classes but my teachers felt they'd known better about what I needed. In hindsight, the German class would've pissed me off for how Americans would pronounce German words. Minor pet peeve of mine I guess.
Truthfully, I didn't really learn about life until I thrusted myself into the work life itself. Low pay, repetitive work, and underlying social issues I'd still not grown out of. It was everything I had dreamed of; yeah, in my nightmares. Not of it was really bad per say, but the constant struggle to have enough money to simply enjoy the things I'd loved was proving impossible. I hated the routine of early hours like a zombie doing work a robot could do better. It wasn't till I'd gotten my first job that involved aviation where I saw the state of humanity in it's non-curious mentality. Detailing a Sun Country 737, I was finally able to see the inner workings of devices I'd only really seen photos of online or through flight simulator. My interest did include flying but that was only the surface of my interest. I was enamored by the mechanisms of the flaps and would clean part I'd known were necessary to clean for aerodynamic reasons. But to keep the labor cheep, they told me to only clean what's visible. Well, that's one way to go about doing a half assed job. My manager had pulled me aside to tell me my interest in the aircraft was making coworkers uncomfortable. At this point I knew enthusiasm was illegal in the modern man's view. God forbid someone be compassionately interested in something we as humans had built.
I had gotten into the hobby of plane spotting in this time with a close friend of mine. Of course the legality didn't end with work. Years later I'd gotten trespassed from the airport property because I was sitting in a parking lot listening and watching aircraft takeoff. Funny coincidence is; years after they'd decided to turn that lot into a spotter specific location. That was like a scar and an already painful scab. I'd worked jobs from baggage, maintenance to fueling. I'd loved the fueling for my freedom to traverse the airport, but I'd loved working with mechanics as they were educated in the things I'd known and was curious of. I wasn't a mechanic myself, I was simply someone tasked to install new seats onto aircraft. Writing this brings back a memory to mind. When my company decided to give me that opportunity, we toured the hangar. Walking past a huge door leading to an A330. I was instantly in love and pleasantly excited. It's giving me shivers just recalling that moment.
Later on I decided to give education a try once more. I aimed with my sights on engineering but the mathematics were taught in such a manner my mind would go in circles. Stress of full time work and school also had taken its toll on me. First semester was great as my workload for both were manageable. Work was stable as far as stable is concerned for entry level airport work. It wasn't until I'd noticed the toxicity of the environment of both that had crushed me in equal parts. Work started increasing as they kept firing their best employees and school work was so much to do with so little time available to me. My job felt mandatory overtime of 16 hours was humane. They'd give it at moments notice and you'd instantly have to stay for 8 more hours on that given day. That was hell on earth. I couldn't even fathom the ineptitude of management thinking this structure was a good idea but who am I to say, I was just a slave. Leaving school was the hardest for me to do and it wasn't as simple as the classes. There were multiple factors that came into play at this point that made my life go off the deep end.
At the beginning of the fueling job and school; I was living with a friend. That led to me moving into his dad's place in what I'd equally refer to as a closet. Still required to pay rent, go to school and work full time; as modern day survival would have it. Now I'd realised the stress I had upon me. I had moved away from home a year prior to my entering into school. My mother had become addicted to drugs and ran off leaving me twisting in the wind. I'd denounced ever going home till I was ready to do so. In the meantime I'd lived in the cities. Luckily; the anger for my given situation motivated me to buy a bicycle and I'd ridden 40 miles every day before working. Going from 250 to 170 lbs in the span of a year. Moving to 3 separate locations in the process until I had decided to room with a coworker. Ideals are peaceful and history is violent. Not violence as in malevolence but the ideal as moving into the apartment with a coworker as my escape from my friends fathers closet was a better option. Wasn't really social at this time and it as well slowly deteriorated my sanity. This was the time I had decided to leave school. With the mental understanding that if I'd left school my life would have no meaning. Sure, if I'd chosen to keep believing in that societal scheme. I peered into philosophy when in school and tried to formulate what I saw on the outside as to why I was suffering so much. I knew meaning had to be other than the desire to just do a very small percentage of someone else's work. I was looking at a career with the most competitive workforce; a monster I dared not to question. I abhorred the idea of fighting against another just to do what I'd loved; why did it have to be structured that way? I also argued with the modern notions of dating and how it worked. An excerpt from my writings at the time; "Modern hookup culture to me feels as unhealthy as eating a stick of margarine."
Leaving school was the first point I'd started to see the darkness. It wasn't until my workplace had drawn it's final straw with a 17 hour work day. Late to pick up a friend; I went mad. I'd figured that was the best way for me to find something away from the airport to regain my sanity. However I'd felt once a chunk of sanity was lost; it'd never grow back. I was right but for a good reason. Along with my writing (of which I'm still deciphering) I had started to learn some psychology. I wanted to understand what about Asperger's was; or as the PC version would have it (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I felt there were missing pieces to the puzzle that I wasn't getting or understanding. Now I find it hilariously out of touch with reality that the written reason for the change from Asperger's to ASD was as to not envelope children or adults with a stigma. Well done psychiatry! Other reasons could be his ties to Nazism of which is ignorant of the phrase, forget your history you're only bound to repeat it.
My desires in life were simple but every step of the way was a trap. Thankfully enough for my hard headed trait, I didn't put up with double standards well. One can call that an ailment; sure if ones philosophy is keep quiet and continue feeling empty all for the sake of conformity and order. It was with my unique ability to find the faults in things as indeed, they were. Reckless managerial decisions and the latter. I could see through every system and discover the reasons why they were failing. Is that such a bad thing? Don't companies yearn to be sustainable? Or is biting the hand that feeds part of their internal philosophy as well?
This next period was the darkest time in my life. Couldn't find a job I'd be able to put up with for more than a few days. Of course that made me unproductive from the views of the outside. A job wasn't going to make the emptiness vanish as I'd known each step was another trap and I'd picked my traps carefully so to speak. It was this time that I'd lay in bed in broad daylight staring at the trees only wishing my life's purpose could only be so simple. Around this time my mother had become sober for some time and we'd meet on the regular. Earlier on she'd gotten pregnant. The only real thing keeping me holding onto that fragile wire of survival was the thought of witnessing my now 3 year old sisters birth. It was with that simple will that I survived because what I had experienced after that moment was something I'll never forget for as long as my life will be. My sister woke up crying and I'd gotten up as to not awaken my mother. Standing their rocking her; I looked up to see myself, sister, and mother in the mirror. It was in that moment I knew I'd never idealize death again. But it was a long painful road after that and the road never ends.
​
To be continued in the form of my Autobiography.
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aspergers
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When I was in a very active abusive household, the only way I could stop hearing screaming and yelling around the house and all the psychological torture I was forced to watch/hear as a child was by blasting loud electronic music into my headphones for hours on end, everyday. I'm an adult now and I still resort to doing this even when my house is dead silent. It didn't really bother me until recently, I found out rather abruptly that I could hear and less people calling my name, my phone ringing and following a simple conversation is becoming difficult. I can't even hear that I'm spoken to when the person is facing their back to me. I really don't know what to do to prevent major hearing loss, I don't know if it's already too late... I hate how bad my life is becoming, I thought I was finally going to be okay.
Thank you for listening to me guys, I appreciated it.
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ptsd
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Yo this is more of a question but does anyone else get this feeling like their brain is mush? Or is it just me? And after so long does the anxiety go away but the worry still stay?
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OCD
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I have no idea where else to put this but basically I think I ignore problems people have just because we have a few things in common. Just because we have the same music taste and both have ADHD doesn’t mean we’re soul mates. I really need to get this through to my head because I become obsessed with people in an unhealthy way. I will be so anxious when it comes to talking to the other person but at the same time become so sad that they don’t know how much we have in common. It’s a really strange situation to be in because the other person doesn’t seem as crazy about you as you are about them.
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ADHD
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Is it possible to repress your ADHD symptoms because of a strict (in my case physical abuse and threats) upbringing?
I grew up with very ambitious parents. And while one of them put a lot of time and effort into my learning the other would just smack me or yell if I came home with a less-than-excellent grade. Same went for bad behaviour, being lazy, being late, being distracted, forgetting things? And well I developed into a success-driven workaholic.
I really want to tell the whole story about how ADHD-like symptoms have affected my life, caused anxiety, depression, but I don’t want to make you read that.
I’m relatively successful now but I only strive while I religiously follow what I suspect are coping mechanisms to counter the symptoms - lists, reminders, routines, refrains, processes… - and it’s exhausting. To the point to where I try to relax over the weekend and just break down, start forgetting stuff, being unproductive and spiralling until I start being anxious and depressed about going back to work. Being less productive is absolutely terrifying to me, I get madly paranoid and hate myself to the point I just want to hide and cry. I really try to cut myself some slack but it’s easier said than done.
Anyway, is it possible I repressed my symptoms because of fear or trauma? Should I still go look for help even if I have found a series of mechanisms that kinda help in the short run? Does anyone have a similar situation?
Okay, reading back I see I answered myself but I’ll still post this, as I want to read your opinions.
Note: I’m not diagnosed and I’m not looking for an “internet diagnose” before I manage to see a doctor. I only suspect ADHD because a lot of posts here really resonate with my struggles.
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ADHD
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What if they cause you literal pain to think through? I literally feel like throwing up when I have these thoughts and images flash in my head. Accepting them and letting them pass is not an option. The pain and nausea only get worse. I would honestly rather die than let these thoughts through.
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OCD
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( Im sorry if I used the wrong tag I'm new to reddit )
TW// warnings in general // mentions of child abuse and pee.
To sum up things I was groomed , happened around when I was 15/16 , I am not sure if I have ptsd but most of my symptoms align , I'm sorry if i am considered as self diagnosed but please i hope you understand that I live in a country where mental illnesses are severely shunned and my mom refuses to take me to a therapist, even if she did i am most likely to be blamed .
I won't stop getting flashbacks or waking up with cold sweat from nightmares , these are the stuff I have most trouble with , it just happens almost randomly and I am willing to admit i almost peed myself once.
I can barely stop myself from going into a full on anxiety attack and the only thing that pulls me out is to go hug my younger bro which I feel bad because even if he would never admit it, I can see he's getting sort of annoyed by which I don't blame him for. ( sorry for babbling on )
If anyone could comment stuff that helped them cope of any kind I would forever be grateful, I love reading books so if there exists books that would help a person with this stuff It would mean the world to me, thanks again
( I can't exchange money to get an online therapist because my mom won't let me get a cc so that's out of the question )
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ptsd
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I don’t really know anything about this test. It’s called a neuropsychological test for adhd. I think it’s going to be a few hours long. What kind of stuff are they testing or what kind of test are they?? I feel like I have adhd because I just simply cannot pay attention in classroom settings or any sort of setting where I have to be sitting down. I just can’t get myself to do or complete “boring” tasks. It’s not that I want to not do it. I just can’t force myself to do so. Anyways, advice is much appreciated! :)
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ADHD
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Hello
I just came home from class on campus. We get out pretty late because it's a 3 hour class so thats kind of unfortunate.
Anyway as I was getting out of class I put my hand on my head because im super paranoid about bats, even if I've never seen on in my life. I've just been paranoid about this for the past 7 months now.
I didnt see anything, I didnt hear anything and I didn't feel anything of the sort. but I heard that you dont really feel bat bites so im getting extra paranoid
It was also extremely dark so I feel like I wouldn't be able to see anything either.
im just scared and I want reassurance that nothing was there?
its just a huge fear of mine honestly and I don't know how to convince myself that there wasn't a bat and that I dont have rabies
im scared of dying.
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OCD
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I've recently been looking into SSI/SSDI for financial support, as over the past few years I have become increasingly unable to hold down a job (even part-time in some cases) without majorly burning out. However, as I've been researching SSI/SSDI and looking at each stage in the process and all the requirements involved, I'm learning more and more that it is highly unlikely I'd ever be able to qualify. Being that I'm an adult almost in my 30s, I really want to move out of my parents' house - or rather *need* to, just for my own peace, happiness, and mental health - but without SSI/SSDI I don't know how that's ever going to happen. I have all these plans and goals for the future, but being unable to support myself financially *and* then also not being able to qualify for gov assistance, it's really frustrating and I just kind of feel stuck and bummed out at the moment.
Besides SSI/SSDI, are there any other ways to get financial support? If you've been in a similar situation, what did you do? I appreciate any advice y'all could give.
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aspergers
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It’s easy these days to get caught up in the negative things that come with ADHD. Today I’d like to talk about some of the positives!
I love the fact that I can think my way out of pretty much any problem. It makes me great at finding solutions to lots of different setbacks which is a valuable skill.
I also love being able to go full send when I’m under pressure. Although I’d prefer to have just DONE the thing in the first place, this particular trait increases my performance at work.
EDIT:
My music taste also varies massively. I love listening to music and finding new/interesting sounds, aswell as sharing it with others.
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ADHD
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There's a new movie out today called [*This Is Not About Me*](https://thisisnotaboutme.film/), which is about non-speaking autistic woman Jordyn Zimmerman and how she was treated in life because she was judged that she was incompetent due to her being "low functioning". I'm not promoting the movie, I just wanted to express that I'm excited to see it.
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aspergers
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Hi all, I often get feelings and thoughts and worries that I do not actually have OCD and either I've made it up or the thoughts I have are actual desires I want and that it's me and the real me, it's horrible to think this and leads to constant worry. I have been assessed and will hopefully be recieving CBT and some kind of help in the near future, but I worry I lied to the therapist about my thoughts and made them out to be worse than they are, is this all a common fear? Is it something you've experienced?
Thank you
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OCD
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I think I have been on 7 different medications since getting my diagnosis 3 years ago. I have had different dosages of all of them. I would like to try vyvanse but my family doesn't have regular insurance, we dont qualify for any coupons, and it would be $500 a month. I have tried coffee, essential oils, homeopathic meds, no meds, etc. I have NEVER felt like a lightbulb went off and my brain was no longer foggy.
I had to leave this sub for a while because I kept seeing posts about how they took their first dose of Aderall and they feel like a normal person for the first time. I just want that! I want to feel like I dont have brain fog all the time! I want to clean my room when I want to! I want to have this amazing experience where I can do things. I know meds are a fix all but I just want a boost, just to be on the same playing field as everybody else! I want to work hard! I want to have my parents be proud of me1 I have to have an enlightening experience when I take my meds. But instead I am going to my neurologist and telling her that I dont feel anything. I dont feel any different on meds than I do off. I don't have any negative side effects but I don't have any positive ones either. I just really want somebody to tell me that I will be ok. I feel like nothing is ever going to work.
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ADHD
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I got diagnosed only last year for adhd and I’m a 19 year old girl so of course my adhd looks different to the societal perception of adhd. Because of think I kind of have a little bit of imposter syndrome, like I do well at uni and don’t have like massive amounts of energy and so I feel the need to always like explain my diagnosis so people don’t think I’m just looking for attention. I usually go with a “I have adhd but suffer more with the attention deficit than hyperactivity,” but I just feel like it seems like I’m trying to overcompensate or just like talking about myself, does that make sense?
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ADHD
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Kind of weird I know, I have a lot of childish trauma (does not matter which) and it kind of faded away, like dormant or sleeping. It never left my mind but I could ignore it to a certain degree. But being stuck at home because of the virus made me think a lot about myself and awakened my trauma. Now I cannot leave my room, I’m depressed, I’m really boring to be with, I can’t leave my house without a freaking panic attack, and to top it off, it’s all childish and I know it really doesn’t matter. What the heck is my trauma doing here? I know it’s completely unnecessary even thinking about it, but whenever I think about myself, I think about it. How annoying. Any advice? I’m really confused tbh.
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ptsd
|
I have a recent obsession of finishing everything on my plate even some “bad parts”. It happens especially with fruits. if I wash some grapes or cut myself cantaloupe or banana or any other fruit and I slowly eat it and then notice there is some bad or rotten part I still force myself to eat it, even if I really don’t want it and it’s gross I feel really uncomfortable to leave it just hanging uneaten on the plate and I just force myself with eyes closed to eat it. Does anyone else had this happening to them?
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OCD
|
I'm having this super unfortunate realization that IF my parents had medicated me when I was younger I likely would not be going through a lot of the stuff I am going through present day. I am a bit of a "rare" case in terms of getting diagnosed with ADD, because I got diagnosed by the 1st grade - and I'm a *girl* who presented the typical case of ADD with girls; I wasn't hyperactive so it likely was because I was visibly seen "daydreaming" all the time. After getting diagnosed, I went unmedicated. No therapy even, my parents just knew I had ADD and didn't do anything at all with that information - I even remember being called "lazy" and "just dumb", constantly yelled at as a kid when I didn't get things as quick as the other kids did. I remember being pretty "late" in my development - not physically, per se, but in terms of my emotional and logical capabilities. I sucked my thumb up until I was 7 years old, causing myself to have a humongous overbite. As a result of other ignorant kids, I got mercilessly teased for it and still have crippling self-esteem problems because of it. Not gonna lie,that was pretty damaging.
By grade 6, I was already "eating my feelings", as one might put it, and thought everybody hated me and thought I was stupid and an ugly monstrosity. I thought this way when I was 11, by the way. I genuinely believed it. I convinced myself everyone was just more fortunate than I will ever be. Not only was I practically failing at every single class I had, not doing any homework (except for English; I was an avid reader), everyone kept comparing me to my younger brother. He was better looking than me, his acne wasn't present in grade 6 like mine was, he's smarter than me, better at socializing, gets praised by every teacher he gets. He was compared to me like he was more stronger in every single way than I ever was. My grandma even compared him to a Greek God (even my brother thought that was pushing it). Whenever my relatives looked at me as a child, they would form a subtle face of disgust, and then proceeded to turn to my brother and creepily remark on "how big your lips are!"
They said he had a babyface; I was like an old man. Keep in mind, I was a *12 year old girl* at the time.
When I got to middle school, still unmedicated, I flunked at practically every class. People thought I was weird and ugly, once again; and I'm not just saying this - my "friends" said it to my face. I reminded them of a horse. I was surprisingly pretty social in grade 7, despite the fact many people had already caused me some social trauma. I remember people used to make that exaggerated "overbite" face to me when they passed me in the halls - where you hide your bottom teeth with your bottom lip and put your top teeth up front. By grade 8, I was already pretty overweight and had a crazy amount of mood problems; I would lash out whenever my friends disagreed with me on something, it would bother me *that* much. Now highschool, where the shit show begins.
I'll just say it bluntly; I'm in grade 12 now, just *now* being medicated, and it helped me so much. I can think logically now, to be honest. I used to think people were under-explaining, but in actuality, *I* was overthinking and overexplaining as a result. I overthink much less now, but my social anxiety (my shitty coping skills from grade 6) is still pretty prevalent. I also, throughout all of highschool, have just been doing so, so poorly in school because I never did my homework from the anxiety and stress it caused me. Even when I sat down to do it, it would feel almost *painful* to continue, and I would get super distracted immediately. Many teachers likely didn't like me so much because of this. I remember feeling like the World's Biggest Burden to my teachers.
Now that I'm doing so much better on my last year of school (and Midway through the first semester, might I add, as I got my meds not even at the starting of the year) it disturbs me to realize that if I had gotten medicated sooner, even maybe before me sucking my thumb or my anxiety came in, many problems that I have today likely would've not been so prevalent. I have big mood swings, where one day (like yesterday, after my teacher complimented me on my presentation) I'm feeling incredibly confident and happy, and the next (like today) I'm extremely depressed and I'm making it hard for people to socialize with me because I never end up saying anything that they can actually respond to - making it very awkward. I'm aware it's not good to look back on the past and sulk, as that won't do me any good, but I can't help it - now with my University/college applications being due soon and my midterm grades are crazy sucky for these two classes with a bunch of overdue homework, and my habits being pretty toxic to my well-being but never having the energy to change them properly.
Much of this could've been avoided; my overbite, my social anxiety coping skill, my self esteem depraved of positive attention, my suffering grades all throughout my school life (and my suffering confidence in myself as a result). Likely, all of this wouldn't have been as much of a problem for me present day - had I *just been medicated*, or even brought to therapy, or if my parents properly attended to my needs without the emotional abuse.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I just needed to let this out somehow.
**By the way, I know I kinda sinned in this subreddit for making my post super long, I sincerely apologise if this was literally wayy to long lol**
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone,
I'm currently in the process of trying to get assessed for ADHD, and I'm finding it an absolute nightmare to (start to) study for school and study hobby-wise.
I've not really been given any support for what to do in the time-being, so I'm feeling quite alone and I'm noticing that I'm starting to compare myself to others a lot more.
I have exams starting January, and I'm still at a stage where I forget to check my to-do list. I'm finding the idea of studying really stressful, which throws me off even more.
I was wondering if anybody has any methods / strategies for studying which helps them? As well as some general organization skills to help keep me on track and feel less overwhelmed?
Thank you.
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ADHD
|
Had more to drink than I normally would this weekend around friends and it really threw me. Feeling like a terrible person revisiting all my real event OCD mistakes. It's getting better but it has been a long time since I've felt so bad. I'm starting to notice that drinking too much at once must throw off my Zoloft. Anywho, just sharing, looking forward to get away from ruminating soon. We can do this and I believe set backs are necessary to progress.
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OCD
|
In my upcoming game, 'TOGETHER' a game about about self reflection, learning, healing and recovery within yourself, coping with mental illnesses- there is a character in it named Grace. She is a heavy sufferer of her own OCD. Specifically, moral scrupulosity. I've dealt with my own OCD, in this category for about five to six years, and decided to represent how it feels like to have intrusive thoughts, compulsions, checking rituals, to be obsessed with the idea of your own thoughts.
[Some concept artwork, and completed facesets of her](https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/karanyatsu002/together-0?ref=user_menu).
I aspire to accurately educate my players, and this is a step towards to destigmatizing OCD.
|
OCD
|
Mental health, Hypersensitivity, Unable to cope with change, To routine based, struggle socialising, etc. are all things that plague my life. I think every single aspect of my life, health, social, mental, self and behavioural would be drastically improved if I was neurotypical.
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aspergers
|
So I know very little about ptsd, and want to change that. It’s a real thing that affects so many people, yet I’m pretty ignorant to it. My partner has PTSD, and I love her and want to support her and be a good girlfriend, but I’m since I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to ptsd, I’m not quite sure what to do? I personally have anxiety and depression and so I understand anxiety triggers and such to an extent, but I also realize it’s very different. I do my best to avoid topics that I realize are triggers, but I still feel like there’s more I can do for her and to support her. Do you guys have any advice?
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ptsd
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Hello everyone, a few days ago I made a support group for those who suffer from PTSD, here is the link https://discord.gg/Rjvex5
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ptsd
|
This OCD
It's killing me
I'm a bit dead already
(But I won't die)
A normal day
I saw a spot on the glass
I cleaned it once to sanitize
Don't know what thouch came to my mind
I voice in my head I can't comprehend
I wasn't sure of myself
So I cleaned it a second time
3rd time out of doubt
4th time to maintain my sanity
15th time it was insanity
And I still thought that the glass wasn't cleaned
In that moment I became diseased
I heard these voices constantly
Dictating me,giving decrees
Things I didn't think about
Now so hard to live without
Thinking of them
Intrusive thoughts
Intruders
Included
Such apparitions
It haunts me still
And they wouldn't leave
(I begged and begged and begged)
Such thoughts
I could die
(But I wouldn't )
I felt like the worst man alive
Was I bad
Or was I mad
It made me insufferably sad
A spot a speck
A fallen drop
Rendered me paralyzed
And I carried out rituals
Just to have some respite
I cried inside
Most difficult to fight
To win with your own mind
Internal demons
Killing me
Using me as their device
Too frightened what would others think
A academic boy
Being possessed
I didn't utter a single word
Until I was caught
It was too much
I was obsessed,compelled and disordered
I don't know why I did things
I just felt disgusted
By the spot the speck
Real and imagined
I doubted everything
Even things I did seconds ago
And made crazy theories
Of how that speck would kill me slow
Rationality thrown out of window
Lady Macbeth why won't you go
I confided
Couldn't bear
Thankfully
My parents were there
They couldn't understand
Why I was acting
Such
Over silly things
But it was real to me
It mattered too much
I searched the web
To find the cure
But thing I read
Made me more
And more scared
Was I forever impaired
I went to the psychiatrist
He fed me with some medicines
I would be lying if I say they didn't help me
But my real fight was with the demons inside me
The thoughts
Be gone
I beg to you be gone
I to again become the master of my life
Make your mind stronger still
So what if speck landed on you
It won't be the end of the world
Boy gather will
Said mrs psychologist
I tried it was hard
To be exposed yet prevent reaction
Be obsessed and prevent the compulsion
I had panic attacks
And emotional outburst
Yet I feel
Slowly but surely I am getting better
Thank God my family was so considerate
I feel for those less fortunate
Mental health is all too real
And first step to cure it all
Is to talk(please please for God's sake talk)
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OCD
|
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